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Anxiety of getting brain damage I normally don’t post here but I’m currently experiencing an anxiety attack. Over the past year I have developed severe health anxiety. I’m constantly thinking I will experience major health problems that will prevent me from having a normal life (going blind, deaf and recently brain injury).
2 weeks ago I bumped my head against the door (unintentionally). I first didn‘t think anything of it as I didn’t experience any symptomes but after 4 days I started contemplating about it and was suddenly extremly afraid of having a concussion (with long term damage of course, lol @ my brain). Within a day I actually experienced some of the symptoms of a head injury: headache, dizzyness & light nausea (all things that could easily be imaginary). But I went to the doctor anyway and he told me it is possible that I had suffered a mild concussion (there is no way to actually diagnose a concussion tho, so he had to go by the symptoms I told him about). He advised me to get some rest and make sure I don‘t bump my head again the next few weeks.
I was going crazy during the last 2 weeks and have been deeply depressed because I was sure that I‘ll habe permanent brain damage. I didn‘t go to university since then and have just been laying in bed or on my couch. Today I have finally come to terms that I overreacted and that I‘ll be good.
But just now I bumped my head at my kitchen table again and I just can‘t handle it. It wasn‘t a strong bump at all. A year ago I would not even have thought about it for more than 5 minutes. I don‘t have any visible marks on my head and no symptoms other than headache but that could easily be delusion tbh.
So basically I‘m absolutely panicking right now. I feel like absolute shit and don‘t know what to do. I‘m super embarrassed to go to a doctor about a laughably small bump to the head like the one I had. Also I don‘t know if it‘s a good idea to do what my anxiety tells me to, even if I know I‘m most likely overreacting.
I‘m not even sure what my question is but I just needed to tell someone, so I can calm down. But I would appreciate an external opinion on the whole situation, because I can‘t think clearly anymore.
Am I overreacting or is there any legitimacy to the whole thing? & should I follow my need to go to the doc or should I try to ignore it completely and go on about my life as long as I don‘t have really obvious symptoms?
Figured I would post it in here because I don‘t think without my anxiety this problem would even exist. Grammatical errors are most likely due to this not being my native language and me being super confused and not able to think straight right now.
Thanks in advance.
| self.Anxiety |
I wonder how bullies feel when they cause their victim to commit suicide I just can’t stop focusing on how fucked up the human race can be. There are so many kids who commit suicide because they have been bullied in school. I wonder how all the people who treated them like shit feel when they all of a sudden commit suicide. I wonder if they act all fake at the funeral pretending to miss them. I wonder if they have a guilty conscience about it. I wonder if this actually causes them to change their behavior. It isn’t so funny when they basically cause someone to die because of their physical and verbal abuse. | self.depression |
Music and the feels (TW?) I find that when I'm super depressed, songs dealing with depression and suicide are comforting and I keep going back to them again and again.
Then when I get stable if these same songs pop up they make me cry. I think it might be because I'm remembering how bad I felt. Anyway, I feel good overall but started crying at work and it was a little embarrassing (I work in an open bullpen style office so it's tough to hide). This isn't the first time either. Maybe I need to just take those songs off my phone completely :/
I dunno, just curious if this happens to anyone else. | self.bipolar |
Why is it so difficult to get medicated? Hey, i'm new here. I'm 16 (going to be 17 next month) and like everyone else here I "suffer" from bipolar disorder, lol I apologize for the quotations, as my entire family struggles with it, it seems to be just a normal thing for me. The past year has been rough, after an escape from the household of an abusive biological father and moving in with my amazing step father, 2017 had its ups and downs. And being bipolar i've found myself having a very rough time coping with my emotional instabilities. I'm more so stable now than I used to be, but yet I would very much so like to try medication.
I've only been medicated with two types of medication before, Ritalin and Prozac. Both of which obviously aren't mood stabilizers in any way.
My older brother has been on Welbutrin and some sort of mood stablizer for the past 6 months and he seems to be doing alot better now.
I feel incredibly desperate for the ability to be medicated. But where I live (massachussets) It is INCREDIBLY difficult to get any sort of meeting with a psychiatrist nevermind getting a perscription.
Ive been on a waiting list for about a year and 8 months without any sort of change. after a hospitilization and multible public panic attacks.
As a soon to be adult, I wouldn't like to have my bipolar. on top of my other emotional disorders, to hold me back. I feel like if I try medication, I could reach my full potential.
Has anyone else had these same difficulties getting medication?
I want to feel like i'm not alone in this, thanks! | self.bipolar |
Hi, might be experiencing symptoms. Hi, I'm a teenager in England and I'm not sure if the way I'm feeling is normal or not.
BACKGROUND:
I have had kind of a tumultuous early life basically bought on by moving from hemisphere to hemisphere a lot and in my primary school days I did have problems where I would ball stuff up and have a bit of a kind of meltdown. A notable example of this would be where I got the same mark in a maths test in year 2 of primary school, leading my mother to ask me if I had cheated, I knew I hadn't but I felt incredibly guilty anyway, as if I had done it and so sort of admitted to it. I felt so bad that around a year later, when I was on the other side of the planet, I asked my parents to call the headmaster and ask if I had cheated. They (unbeknownst to me) pretended to phone him and told me that he said no, at which point i cried for ages out of relief. This sort of stuff continued, and gradually got worse, for example I remember worrying about drawing on my religious studies book and hiding it, only to tell my (not really religious) parents, more crying ensued etc etc. Anyway, it all subsided (a little bit of counselling worked wonders) and I managed to get into a grammar school and made some really good friends, but then we moved again and something has happened recently (I don't want to go into details) but its sort of messed me up. All I have to do is think about it and my heart starts beating out of my chest, I've had times where I am just about to go to sleep and then all of a sudden its like "wham!" and I'm 100% awake. I've become really reserved apart from a great group of friends that I'm lucky enough to have but I'm not super fond of speaking to people that I don't know (not for any weird edgy-teen "I hate people" sort of thing its just kind of something I try and avoid when possible), and I've cut off communication after school with everyone apart from the aforementioned group of friends (of which there are like 4). I don't go out with anyone really and only have one person that I can truly talk to in confidence, so everyone else is sort of experiencing a facade where I avoid all possible confrontation or anything that could get me into trouble.
BTW I'm not trying to be edgy and all like "life is pain, I'm just wearing a mask etc. etc." I just feel like I shouldn't still be feeling like this even after the whole situation is over.
TL;DRShould I be feeling like this, because every now and then I just sort of freak out and I'm becoming more reserved and I don't feel it can be good.
Also, I have no yardstick by which to quantify and I sure as hell won't treat this like an actual diagnosis, nor will I tell anyone about any of these answers but I just sort of want to know if this is normal or if maybe I should start thinking about trying to change my thinking?
Also obvs feel free to give your true opinions, I totally understand if this is just annoying teenager stuff, and if it is then please say so, I'm not trying to say that I've got anything I'm just sort of wondering.
Thank you in advance! | self.Anxiety |
I dont want to kill myself but i dont want to be alive So many good things in my life that i dont want to kill myself but damm i dont want to be alive right now | self.depression |
Depression and c ptsd? I got diagnosed with depression moths ago and nothing else. My doc thought of ptsd but never confirmed anything. I had bad flashbacks today at a place i’ve known from my childhood and after the memories came up i felt like i was split from reality. Clearly dissociated from everything around me like my brain was tipsy and slower then the outsides.
So i am asking myself how do i get to know if i got that? And is this important to know? Cause i got my meds ect already. | self.depression |
All is lost. Hopelessly lost. Here I am again. My whole life has left me scarred and rejected. Out of everyone I cared for. Only you guys remain and you ignore me too. So I have nothing left. I lost everything I've ever cared for.
I don't want to die by my own hand because if I did, all my suffering since my suicide attempt was in vain. But I'm tired of suffering. Nobody cares. I just want one day of happiness. One. Why does this happen?
Eh, I'm done. Im tired of writing. I'll just end up deleting it like always anyhow | self.depression |
Returning to Work environment after public manic episode... how to handle embarassment? here goes. I interned at an amazing company summer 2016. Made a few friends, but was in a mixed episode so largely everyone just thought I was withdrawn. Fall 2016 & Spring 2017 had my first two full manic episodes in which i basically posted everything on social media, so everyone I worked with in 2016 saw everything, including a few ~~sexy~~ pictures of me half nude. embarrassing. summer 2017 I got diagnosed bp1 and put on amazing, life changing meds. lithium and latuda. i feel clearer than ever.
Now it's november and i've just started an amazing full-time job at that company but i'm starting to run into people who I met during my internship and they're all acting weird around me. I reached out to one girl about catching up on social media and she just ignored me. what do I do?
I feel like a healthy person for the first time in years and im just feeling ashamed that both my depression during my internship and then my very public hypersexuality + mania have ruined my reputation with those people.
((I currently have a new instagram acct with 0 posts so the embarrassing posts are gone... hoping to repopulate it with photos of new friends & new memories)) | self.bipolar |
Depression made me feel like I have Alzheimer I can't remember anything up to 2 minutes, sometimes I forget things WHILE doing it and it keeps getting worse.
I can't remember any name I hear in a movie, nor can I remember anything after reading a book or something and it feels terrible
| self.depression |
To all the givers - this was my reflection today, that I want to share with you! [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Unwanted contact I'm still a little bleary from waking up at various and sundry hours through the night, and I'm already feeling like expelling the three-each sips of coffee and tea I've had. Probably is the caffeine.
My step brother got in contact last night after a month of having me blocked in light of our parents' separation-- I really, really, *really* loathe calling it that, I'm simply unaware of how else to wrap it succinctly. This time around, unlike the phone calls within the past year, it didn't seem like he was well on his way to hammered. ...Though, the conversation basically began and ended with "call me tomorrow". Poof! Gone right after. A mild explanation for the blocking, some added bits about his recent jobs, then wrapped up.
He says he wants to speak to my little brother today. On the contrary, my little brother wants nothing to do with him, with any of them, based on the shame. No amount of holding him makes the heaving stop *before* the mention of their want to contact, let alone after. He, long an absolute baby in my eyes, was the one who suggested changing his surname back to mom's maiden name. I don't want to take the choice to talk from him, which I'm not sure our mom would take with ease, but he's struggling. How's that supposed to translate over phone call without it becoming a personal jab? Should it be a personal jab?
I haven't told my mom nor my brother yet because the people we're staying with would lose their heads quite literally, but there's a distinct weight in how my step father still holds us at financial gunpoint. If he were to know none of us want anything to do with him, if anything were to come out of my step brother's mouth, I fear he'll stay true to that custody battle threat. My luck has taught me to be cautious-- I know he left my step brothers too, I know he did so much of the same to their mother, but he went crawling back to them after us. He lives with them now for christ's sake, and they're happy as can be. I don't trust any confidence in our exchange and I feel horrible on either side. | self.offmychest |
religion and mental health happy easter for those of you who celebrate. just wondering how religion plays into people’s journey to better mental health, whatever religion it may be. i’m from the bible belt so it’s almost a given that people are christian. i was raised christian but since i’ve been to college i just don’t feel like i believe. i feel really guilty about it, but it just doesn’t feel right. my friends who also struggle with mental health issues say it makes them feel better to pray... but i just don’t get it. how does everyone else feel? | self.bipolar |
I've had sexual issues my entire life (age 23) and worry about being alone in the future due to them [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Today’s the day...Maybe? So today i start my lexapro. I was going to do 2.5mg but honestly i’m so nervous about the bad side effects and i really don’t wanna get more nauseous or puke. So i’m thinking maybe i’ll start at 1.25mg?
This will be my first SSRI and i just don’t want to be feeling crazy. I was going to take this morning but chickened out because i don’t feel good. (Go figure, when do i ever) So i guess i will tonight.
Has anyone seen any good effects come from such low dosages? Or if you’re taking Lexapro what to expect? I’m just a basket case right now.
I’m upset at myself that i just won’t take it but even more upset because i’m scared it’ll just make the puke and i can’t have that happen. Oh the joys of anxiety. 🙄 | self.Anxiety |
I don't know what to do I admit, I come from a loving family.. people who support me whenever I ask.. but for some reason I just can't go there. I spend my nights drinking, and hell I even get laid sometimes but it only seems to make it worse.. I spent the last hour staring at my gun, wondering if it isn't better on the other side. I even used to help people in my place, and now i sit here and I don't know what to do. I've never been here before... I'm well.. lost | self.SuicideWatch |
I have never felt at home. I never had that feeling of 'this is where I belong', these are the people I surround myself with, this is what we do, this makes me happy.
I'm 20 years old and the only time I feel at home is when I'm curled up on the couch in my parents house.
I went through school waiting to get to college.
I got into the course I wanted in the college I wanted, I even got into the accommodation I wanted.
And I was (am) fucking miserable.
People say college is the best years of your life.
I sincerely hope not because if it is my life will plateau at rock bottom.
I don't feel like I ever really started living, I've just put my hands on the shoulders of the person in front of me and joined the conga.
I hate my course, I have no real friends (that situation is improving),
I have so many things I want to do but I just end up worrying about college.
I think the problem is if I was working I clock in and I clock out, but with college I could potentially dedicate every working minute to my degree.
It's not like I'm actually doing anything remotely productive as part of my degree. I'm just here.
I know that if I drop out I will end up working in some shop or some factory, I won't have the time to do what I want let alone the money to fund it.
I'm not even talking about leisure activities like going on holidays, or going drinking with friends.
I'm talking about starting a brand, designing clothes, making jewellery, owning property.
I want to own a Patek Phillipe, that won't happen working for someone else, at least not with the way I'm going.
I know I am competent, I have a good work ethic, it's obsessive. I spend my time on projects I enjoy, I make money buying and selling clothes online..
I have a year and a half left of my 3 year Commerce degree.
It's looking likely that I will fail this years exams.
Next year I can specialise.. But I have to get there first.
All the while I never feel content, I never feel at home in myself, I never feel truly happy because despite being a student at a prestigious school studying what I thought I wanted to, despite being someone who does quite well for himself in regards to dating..
I don't think i've ever been more unhappy for such an extended period of time.
But I don't think a change will necessarily improve that. | self.offmychest |
This is what will be written on my tombstone: 1998-2018 I'm 19 years old, I've been suffering from highly severe BDD for most of my teenage years, but it's not just BDD anymore. During my first teenage years, I was still feeling really positive and optimistic about my life, I always felt insecure about my appearance but that was it, unfortunately that my old self is gone. BDD led me to depression, I'm not the same person anymore. I started not to go out anymore just to stay home and over-analyse every small detail about my face, about my hips... I feel exhausted, I'm dead inside.
You can ask for a picture of me and then say that I look pretty and that there's nothing wrong with me, that won't help, I don't care how attractive people find me, I do not like how I look.
Enough has been done to save me, my parents have been spending money on my therapy for years now, but nothing has changed... if anything, things are even worse than before. I've been suicidal for 2 years, but I still didn't have a plan until last year, I knew I would commit suicide sooner or later, but I wasn't in a hurry to die. At the present I have no will to live. I know how stupid this is, I know how stupid it is to give up on your life because of a flaw that maybe isn't even there, or that is nowhere as bad as you think, but I feel exhausted, I have no strength left in me, I don't want to carry on. I just want to die gracefully.
| self.SuicideWatch |
I'm too paranoid to post on Reddit. Long time lurker. I was going to go on this long rant about my life but.
I just can't.
I *know* it's probably all in my head, but every time I try to talk about something i get scared. cause if anyone I knew found something like this. I'd probably seize up and die from dread. It probably stems from trust issues but whatever.
It's stupid and I know it.
If i'm lucky this will just get ignored like everything else i do.
EDIT: After getting this off my chest and seeing some supportive comments I half convinced myself to talk about it anyway, So here goes.
When I was a kid my parents left me in care of my aunt and uncle. (cause apparently my mom didn't want to have to deal with diapers or something). And basically from my very early childhood (5-ish) the only things i can remember is being locked in my room and walking around aimlessly in my small room. It wasn't until i started preschool that my parents actually decided to take ownership and i moved. this was when i probably first met my older sister.
From my early elementary years I was a pretty good student I guess. My handwriting was and still is horrible though. My dad used to say things like "you're horrible" and "someday i'm gonna put you in a box and mail you to (where he's from)". My mom was nice to me, but she was a problem gambler and wasn't really healthy. She spent most of the time in bed or cooking. My older sister (older by 5 years), to me was a role model. She got straight A's and participated in a lot of extracurricular activities and clubs. She was also a great artist
This admittedly is probably the reason why i feel so bad.
Like i said she was my role model, so i wanted to be like her, but it never really worked out. My greats were lower, i wasn't in any clubs. Even when we went to karate school she was always higher up them me, (which is kind of to be expected being she's my seinor). But i really wanted to catch up with her.
I never did, around 5th or 6th grade part of me just kind of gave up, and i started to slack on doing work. It wasn't that i wasn't learning, i just kind of lost the drive to do thing, much to the disappointment of well, everyone (including me).
This kind of continued on, i found that as my sister moved onto highschool and beyond her accomplishments only got more impressive. Her art got better, she was somehow in even MORE clubs (and president of most of them) and she took all of those fancy AP classes and still getting straight As, meanwhile i was just kind of here, flopping.
At some point she was diagnosed with Scoliosis (basically spine bent weirdly) so she stopped karate, and cause she stopped I stopped cause my dad diddn't want to drive.
Eventually my sister left for a College down in Florida, so it was just me and my parents.
after that, my last year in middleschool was probably one of the worst years of my life.
long story short my math teacher was out for maternity leave, so i had a replacement for most of the year. Also around this time i got this huge crush on this girl. Something happened, and she basically ran away crying. I was never really sure what was happened, but i felt like the entire fault lied with me and well. *yeah*. My math teacher came back for like the very end of the year, and to me it seemed like she hated me. Mostly because she would use any excuse to scold me (like yelling "Pay attention!" when all i was doing was reaching down to pick up a pen i dropped).
Anyway there was this thing where you could skip a class in highschool if you did good in your math class and the math teacher said you could. Despite tutoring a lot of people and getting the highest scores in the class i diddn't quality, and it was another huge blow to my self esteem and my view on people.
End of the year, summer vacation comes along and well. Some random day that i can't remember
My house caught on fire and my mom died.
It was really confusing, i was like looking through Reddit anonymously when all of a sudden i hear the fire alarm go off. This happens all the time so i shrugged and went to go check, next thing i see is a dancing orange glow out of a frosted glass window. next thing i knew i heard people screaming and like windows breaking. (reminder i'm currently 11). My body kind of went on autopilot and i ran out the front door. Then for some reason i realized *i'm probably going to lose stuff* So i ran back inside the burning building. The smoke burned my eyes and i forgot what i was really doing, i grabbed some games nearby and ran back out, too embarrassed to say what i was doing.
My dad was at work but my mom was in bed, so when they got her out, they rushed her to the hospital to treat her for burns. her throat closed up along the way and she suffocated. after things settled a bit i got to see her in the hospital, dead. a bunch of mess happened with family and then after a while spending the summer with relatives, summer was over.
Now i had to not only adapt to a new address which was quite far away, but *also* start my first year at highschool.
It wasn't much better then middle school admittedly.
Almost all my teachers said to me "Hey you're X's sibling right?" Yeah, "cool she was a great student i can't wait to see what you can do". Needless to say, i diddn't really live up to her legacy. The first few classes i took pretty blatantly mirrored her class choices, and one of them was art. Forcing myself, someone who has no artistic talent into an art class went basically as you would expect. I tried to join the same clubs she did but, it just diddn't work out. i ended up taking art for two years. both of them were miserable. My english grades were still pretty abyssmal and despite still being good in math, not doing homework meant that those stellar test grades diddn't really mean much. plus the feeling of being screwed over by my 8th grade teacher kind of made me bitter towards math as a subject entirely.
My junior year was pretty nice, i finally found some niche where i didn't feel completely suffocated by the legacy of my older sis. Music and specifically, singing. I also enjoyed writing and even won some of the annual school contests, whenever i worked up the courage to submit.
i'm a senior in highschool now and the whole college ordeal has basically killed my spirit. I've come to terms that i'll never beadle to be my sister (who now has her masters and is working and making decent money). But it seems i was too stupid to realize sooner. To put it bluntly due to my lack of motivation i completely destroyed my grades and, consequently, any hope i really have of getting in a college i want. I still consider myself to be very proficient in maths and literature, but i just have no motivation. The only thing i really have passion is Singing and maybe writing and well, i'm not talented enough to make a career out of that. so i really have no idea what to do with my life and i feel like i just watched my entire life get ruined by myself and it's all my fault.
I have to stop here cause i'm crying so much and i can't let anyone see me like this. | self.offmychest |
I'm here I'm nervous to be here and I don't know what to say. I know I've always been a quiet kid (person/whatever) with very few friends. I've always been skeptical of why people like me because there's stuff about me that I dont like. I've recently had girls show interest in me and it just makes me uncomfortable. I don't understand what I did to make them interested. I keep to myself pretty much all the time. I don't really showcase any talents, I don't engage in interesting conversation, I look pretty average theres just nothing here that sets me out from the crowd. Then theres the part of me that is afraid that they are just showing interest to mess with me and make me uncomfortable. My doctor diagnosed me with minor depression and social anxiety. It seems like whenever I get the anxiety under control depression comes along and kicks me in the teeth. I am bummed because I was on any upswing for over a year. I felt normal (for the most part anyway) and now I dont. I am back to having to fight to get out of bed. I am back to zoning out in the shower for an hour. I am back to being constantly tired and living in clutter. Last holiday season was the best holiday I have had in 10 years. It was awesome and this holiday its back to my normal. I mostly wanted to post here because talking about it makes me feel better even if nobody is listening. If you are listening then thank you, it means a lot to me. | self.depression |
Describe what it was like when your Depression was(or is) at its worst? When my depression was(is) at its worst I would stay in my bedroom with the lights off. I’d only brush my teeth if I HAD to go out(longest I’ve gone without brushing and showering was 2 weeks) Obsessive suicidal thoughts(which is normal for me) ,etc. | self.depression |
Guilt I am blessed with the most beautiful, intelligent, and loving wife a guy could ask for. That said...my depression is taking a toll on her. I have days where I think I should end our marriage so she can find a guy that lives life with the passion she does. The thought of taking her down with me has me guilt ridden. Any advice/kind words? Thank you. | self.depression |
Question about alcohol Hey guys! I was officially diagnosed half a year ago, and took Olanzapine for five months (which sucked, by the way) - anyway, during that time I had no alcohol whatsoever, and it made me think about alcohol in general. Do you guys drink? If so, what effects does it have on you with regards to bipolar? I found sobriety taxing at times, but it was a nice experience nonetheless - I feel like I used alcohol to self-medicate at times, and always felt worse after. Would be happy to hear your insights! | self.bipolar |
Every time my mom yells at me I want to kill myself My dad booked a flight for me against my will. Whenever he is driving me he tells me I am a slut and a big regret. So understandably I don’t want to fly with him. I told him to cancel my ticket.
Now my mom is yelling at me nonstop about how I’m disobedient and the source of all pain in their lives. Then she says I’m not mentally ill just a bitch. I’ll show her.
I have no friends, nothing but hope. Blind hope and faith that a better tomorrow exists, but it doesn’t | self.SuicideWatch |
How can I cope I've been dealing with this for awhile but I'm not really sure how to cope. It comes in pretty painfully strong waves so I haven't had to deal with it for more than a few weeks, but it's sticking around for some reason so how can I cope? | self.depression |
Meh Nothing matters, I don't want to do it, but I don't feel like there's a point to live longer, I'm not going to go anywhere with my life, I don't have motivation to do anything, I just eat and sleep that's it, Im alone in my life, I'm afraid of the pain of dying that's it. | self.SuicideWatch |
My dad is the only thing keeping me alive I'm 13, depressed, suicidal, and ready to end it all. First attempt was when i was 8. I have a entire bottle of Tylenol in my possession and everyone is currently asleep. It's the perfect time.
Except i don't want my dad to have to deal with my dead body. It'd be a pain cleaning up my piss and shit and he deserves better than that. My therapist gave me a list of crisis lines, and i'm tempted to call, except now is literally the *perfect* time.
I'm torn. I don't want my dad to be forced to do extra work in taking care of my corpse but the desire is there. It's strong. Tylenol itself only causes fatalities due to organ damage and failure, i won't die quick. But i'd still end up dead.
If i do go through with it, and end up surviving, i'm gonna suggest going to a psych ward. I've been to one before and lied my way out but my dad shouldn't deal with my bullshit. He's mentioned that i'm causing him stress. I'm a worthless kid. I'm a danger to myself at this point so getting sent to a psych ward would most likely be for the best, right?
I'm conflicted and i hate this. | self.SuicideWatch |
A Majority of Physicians Say They're Burned Out or Depressed [removed] | self.depression |
Love/hate Latuda In some ways, its a miracle drug. I feel like *me* again.
Then there's the daily afternoon crash and sads, and getting emotional over everything. Today, talking about potato salad made me cry.
POTATO FREAKING SALAD
Yesterday it was every other song on the radio. Sad songs, but not songs that made me cry.
I'm equally parts disgusted and amused. Tomorrow will be2 weeks on them. | self.bipolar |
It's the little things that count. Today is my birthday. It started out kinda shitty, people forgetting about me per usual. A former best friend of mine texting me just to tell me about his new supreme sweatshirt. Feeling down, I opened up my 3DS to finish Pokémon ultra moon. Upon going to the Pokémon center, confetti flew everywhere and nurse joy threw me a little party and told me happy birthday. This little Easter egg made my day feel so much better! After this, my family decided to go out to dinner with me for the first time in I don't know how long. Today is definitely my most memorable birthday. This is the happiest I've felt in such a long time. | self.depression |
I love her, but I can't tell her and it drives me nuts. I need to talk about this, because I can't talk about it with my friends.
I'm in love with a friend who I can't be with. She started out as a work colleague a year ago, and slowly but surely we grew into friends, then into close friends, then slowly I've gotten that amazing feeling when you get when you realise you are falling in love. When we are together, we can't stop smiling at each other. She touches me on the arm or the leg while we are talking. She winks and me and if I do it back she giggles and turn aways. We talk about everything and I trust her and I know she trusts me. When we aren't together sometimes we can spend hours texting each other. The only thing I can't tell her is how I feel...
The reason, she's got a boyfriend. Their one year anniversary is today.
Months ago, we kissed and talked seriously for a few days and she told me if she was single she'd want to be with me but couldn't because of her boyfriend...of course I understood. I then told her a few weeks later that I couldn't stop thinking about her and she said she cared for me but did't feel the same way.
Three months on, she has told me she isn't happy at home. She vents to me about their issues, like how his idea of a holiday is leaving her at home for a month while he visits family, about how some days she doesn't talk to her at home or at work (he works at the same place but in a different section), or about how he has never told her about his life growing up or past relationships. She tells me she thinks she is going crazy. In truth, I just don't think she's ever had a relationship with someone actually decent and caring.
To me, her behaviour towards me is screaming at me that she likes me. She keeps asking me what I'm thinking when I look at her but I just say nothing and change the subject, because what of I tell her and she rejects me again. I couldn't bear it. I can't push her into a decision. She's an adult and I respect whatever she wants to do. Until then, I'll just keep on keeping on with her I guess...
Cheers Reddit, I needed to get that off my chest... | self.offmychest |
What to do when all hope is lost? Please help. [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
There's not a lot that makes me happy and I can't make friends I feel like I have a pretty good life. I live with my girlfriend in a nice apartment and I'm financially quite safe, but i always feel slightly empty and I'm always searching for pleasure in all forms. I eat a lot of chocolate, I'm pretty sure I'm addicted. I feel kinda tired at all times, like I don't have the level of energy that I should have.
I have a couple of childhood friends but they don't live in the same city as me. I always enjoy meeting them but I feel like our interests don't match up, there are only a few shared interests keeping us together, and my true "passions" music, art and science are not one of them.
I think i would feel better if I had friends with shared interests that i could talk with and vent my enthusiasm with, regarding these shared interests. There are many things that fascinate me and I never feel like I can talk about them with anyone, since they either don't understand or care.
The problem is that I'm not good at making friends, I haven't made any friends I hang out with casually since elementary school except for my gf. Most people I meet and have good conversations with never stay in touch. What do I do? | self.depression |
When you call the suicide hotline and you can't get through I NEED HELP. I tried to chat and it couldn't find anything. I need help | self.SuicideWatch |
Off my meds for a bit, and I’m not doing well at all So I’m 25, and I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder 6 years ago. I am waiting for insurance to kick in with my new job, and unfortunately I can not afford to go to a psych in my new state until the insurance takes effect, due to moving into an apartment that isn’t affordable.
Right now I think I’m in a manic episode. I’ve had a lot of really bad things happen in the past week or so, and for the past 4 days and nights I haven’t slept more than 4 hours total, and I cannot eat. Usually my mania is the typical delusions of grandeur, irresponsible spending, no sleep, etc, but that’s not what’s happening to me this go around. I don’t have control over my emotions and I’ve been in mental agony over the things I have going on, and the lack of sleep or ability to take care of myself have made it a lot worse. I’m not sure if this is mania, but while I do have insomnia, I still am usually able to get at least 5 hours of sleep at night. I’ve taken double doses of Benadryl, and I just ended up hallucinating and still not sleeping.
Does anyone have any idea what might be going on, or possibly maybe some advice to help make it out of this? I’m scared of what is happening, and I’m almost to the point of checking myself into a facility, but I know if I do that I could potentially lose my job, and then I won’t have insurance or the ability to provide for myself. | self.bipolar |
I'm feeling so embarrassed because I did not do well in a region band competition. [deleted] | self.depression |
I stopped my medication and it feels awful but I don't know if I should go back [deleted] | self.depression |
Anxiety in regards to specific people or things I have a teacher who stresses me out a good bit. She's not particularly well liked by the student body, and I don't really get along with her. I completely get that there are people in this world that I won't get along with, but this is just so stressful! It's gotten to the point where I get super anxious and paralyzed when I try to do school work. It really sucks, because she teaches my favorite subject(English) and I've always been fairly good at it, but now I can't function. I just turned in an essay almost a week late because I was freaked out that I'd be unable to write anything. Does anyone else get like this too? | self.Anxiety |
It's happening... (unwanted Paroxetine side effects, TMI) I was hoping it wouldn't but it is. A couple pf weeks ago I was prescribed Paroxetine 20mg. I take one pill in the morning. At first I was feeling drowsy, but it works wonders for my anxiety. I don't feel so imbalanced anymore.
However, it finally happened (and I'm sorry if it's TMI) - things don't feel good AT ALL anymore. It just feels straight up unpleasant. A couple of days ago it felt a bit weird, took me a while, but it took me where it was supposed to. Now it feels completely different...
Is there ANY way I could continue taking this medication and somehow increase my libido..? I was looking for stuff online but figured I would ask here since there's a bigger chance to find someone with similar experience.
Edit: thank you so much to those who took their time to respond! I guess I'll try to wait it out and ask my doctor to change it if it won't get better. | self.Anxiety |
is anyone else's behavior is becoming more and more idiosyncratic compensating for anxiety? like i wont sit on a chair in a particular direction coz it gives anxiety. this avoidance behavior needs to end | self.Anxiety |
I hate being an adult. I'm 20, I live with my parents and I can't find a job. The last job I had was literally 9 months ago. I quit because it was a really shitty environment and I could feel my health, both physical and mental, plummeting down.
I haven't been able to find anything since. I'm constantly looking, but there literally isn't anything. My standards aren't even that high, I just need a job. Something to have an income with and something that won't be as shitty as my first job was (aka working almost every day from 10am-9pm with awful coworkers and even more terrible bosses) .
I have dreams and goals and aspirations but recently even those feel like utter shit. Like why do I even bother?
I'm usually a girl who loves doing things. But it's all pointless now.
I've literally given up. Given up on the job hunt, on my dreams, on my life. I'll just have to accept the fact that my dreams are bs, my aspirations are stupid. My teachers at school were right when they said I'll never amount to nothing and I'll never be anything. I'll never move out and start my own life. I honestly have 0 will to live.
Or I'll be stuck working from paycheck to paycheck trying to make ends meet. Never getting out of this depressive cycle that is my life.
Even my boyfriend is giving up on me because I'm struggling and trying so hard but how long can you try if you never succeed.
I hate being and adult and I hate life. Wish I could just go back to the good old days of Barney and friends and Disney channel. | self.offmychest |
First Therapy Session What should I expect? All little trivial details are very useful since I'm extremely anxious about going to the appointment. Thanks. | self.Anxiety |
I was praised for being intelligent and shit like that and now I can't learn, I can't concentrate, I fucking hate this. i was known as the smart dude who got through school with the best grades without even studying.
Even now people tell me that i'm incredibly intelligent, but fuck no i am not (anymore) , i cringe at the thought of someone thinking of me being intelligent...
Right now, i can't even learn some simple things like latin vocabulary and struggle with my grades and can't show up to school every day because i'm so fucking exhausted of being alive ...
it fucking sucks, i should have started working after i had graduated from my "realschule"(german school system, i guess it's like high school ? ) as one of the kids with the best grades, but no i wanted to do the Abitur (A levels in english ? ) and go to university... but i guess i will never be able to, thanks to this fucking illness.... right now i'm repeating year 11 and changed schools and i still don't visit school every day and therefore miss out on a lot of shit.
My father was proud of me, my mother too and now i'm a fucking disappointment, my father even suggested me he can get me a job at his company if i don't want to go to school anymore... but the thing is i always told him i'm gonna be a lawyer or doctor or something like that and not a blue collar worker(no disrespect for you guys, without you this world wouldn't work) and he was proud of me because he came to this country as a immigrant and worked hard for me to have this opportunity ...
| self.depression |
Low self esteem is leading me to believe every compliment is a lie I'll start this off by saying that I'm not really depressed at the moment, I've got enough going on in my life to keep me too busy to be depressed at the moment. But this is an issue that has been bothering me in and out of the waves of depression.
I used to not have horrible self esteem problems, I can't really pinpoint the exact point where they started manifesting, but it was somewhere within the past 5 years. Now whenever I get a compliment, I feel like it's a lie to make me feel better. I know that the chances that my friends are lying is very slim to none, but the thought just doesn't escape my head and it bothers me for the rest of the day or week making me think what their alterior motive is behind the offhanded compliment.
I know I should see a therapist but I don't have the time or money to pay for it, so I came here instead.
Any advice? Anyone else have a similar issue? | self.depression |
Days aren't even days anymore. Just daylight & darkness. Every "day" is the fucking same. Wake up, shower, eat, then sit around until I can fucking sleep. This is a never ending cycle of hell. I don't even keep track of the date anymore, it's just more so light and darkness now. | self.depression |
The worst thing is having no Idea What to do.
My mother doesnt want me in her apartment anymore, which is understandable, considering I cant get anything done, not even eating.
I just visited "the bridge", which is like the next comfy suizide spot, however as always Im too pathetic to kill myself, I dont have the will nore power to go working or message the state (im under 18, so its not that easy), I cant see myself working in the future.
I dont want to bother " friends", its too tirening, I dont want to beg my mother, I dont want to live, and I dont want to die, fucking hell this is gross.
I cant take Molly another weekend, already did it last weekend, and my friend wont give me anything cuz muh Mdma-breaks, I am too lazy to search for a streetdealer to get myself a fatal dose of heroin, I am literally to fucking lazy to do anything except writte this, or move to get away from my psycho-mom. (She is not that bad, just psycho).
This is worse than death. Cluelessness, suffering and now end in sight. | self.depression |
Write and send me an anonymous love lost letter: project for a gallery space I'm a senior in college currently and going to art school, and I'm expanding off a project I've already started where people anonymously send me a love letter/love lost letter online. In December we're having a gallery exhibition and they will all be displayed anonymously, and I will be creating a book with them.
These letters can be either a breakup with a person or a person you lost, an animal you lost, a place you left (ex. moved away from), an idea (ex. changed political beliefs), or an item of whatever kind that you miss. The intention of this project is to show how universal our emotions and pain. Please, if you feel comfortable, write a love lost letter to who or whatever you lost and has made an impact on you and share it with me. You can either personal message me them or reply with them on this post. Thank you!
| self.offmychest |
Depressed. I just found out that my credit has been destroyed by some low life asshole. I worked my entire adult life to achieve a good credit score. My lease just ended and I cannot find anyone that will rent to me because of this. I'm lost depressed stressed and today I just feel like giving up. | self.depression |
My moms illness kills me inside Everyday I live with her in a permanent maniac state at school I get constantly get called stupid and fat causing me to be extremely insecure and not having a mother doesnt help at all. Some days i wish i could just hurt her i tried everything in my power to get her to the hospital even saying she threatened suicide my family has had interventions and I'm super lost my grades are terrible I feel like I have nothing going for me and I recently was diagnosed bipolar myself I want to get her help but don't know how anymore any suggestions? | self.bipolar |
How can I avoid morning anxiety? My anxiety seems to be worst in the morning. Is there any medical explanation why is that and what can I do to prevent it? ((I have general anxiety disorder.) | self.Anxiety |
Better off dead. For the past few years I´ve been living without a sense of purpose.
Every day I wake up wishing I was dead. I´ve disappointed my parents countless of times, wasted their time and money. Made horrible mistakes, and probably just ruined my future, if I even had one to begin with.
Would it be called "living" if I have no purpose in life? Am I better off dead? I feel like for once in my life I´d be doing my family a favor if I killed myself.
The thought of whatever may come my way frightens me. This isn´t how I thought things would go.
I´m sure I´ll disappoint my parents again today, and I´m afraid that will be my breaking point. | self.SuicideWatch |
I will come out even if it takes me a decade. I don't know where to post to post this but I want to talk.
I realized I wasn't straight in senior year(?) Of high school. It was a Dark, tall and handsome guy who made me realise I ain't really straight.
I still have some lingering issues with internalised homophobia due to living in India. A place which is pretty homophobic.
I'm living a lie. Mostly half lies and ommision. I'm quite panaroid about my phone. One mistake could destroy my life.
I have become quiet adept at homophobic shit talking. Yet My college does have a few allies which means the world to me. One post from a girl I don't even like made my whole week (Thank you S).
I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life. One thing is certain, I want to have kids. I have been thinking about my future kids a lot. Trying to think about the best way to raise Kind, Responsible and hardworking human beings. (I'm thinking of stealing notes from my crush's parents, she is an fantastic Human being.)
I realised that the best way to raise good kids is to be good role models. To convey a set of values through consistent behaviour and actions .
I will come out. The deadline is the day my first kid is born. I want them to understand that you must be proud of the person you are. To never hide yourself to appease the bigotry of other people.
I don't care if my father disowns me, I don't care if my friends leave me. I know it will be difficult but it is something I have to do. | self.offmychest |
Is it bad to have these suicidal thoughts tonight? I just can’t make these thoughts of how useless and weird and stupid and pointless and ugly I am out of my head. It’s Christmas Eve and I spent it with my family, so I should be happy but I just hate myself so much still.
I don’t wanna have suicidal thoughts on Christmas but I’m really deep in a depressive state and have been for months. I just want it to end and I’ve been trying to make strides to improve my life and myself but I still hate my life and I don’t feel anything I’ve done has actually worked.
I just want to talk to somebody tbh, I’m so lonely and my family and friends I don’t really go to for this shit because they’re not the most selfless or caring of people.
| self.SuicideWatch |
Do you think I'm a whore? My boyfriend dumped me on Tuesday night. Yesterday afternoon I was really upset so I asked my ex boyfriend's best friend if we could hang out. We got coffee, talked and laughed about stuff and we made plans to hang out today. Yesterday night I was really upset so I asked him to come over. We got food and went back to my apartment. We talked for a while and I got really sad and started crying. He hugged me and told me that I'll be okay. I just really wanted physical attention and love at that point so I kissed him and straddled him and we made out for a while.
Today he came over and we just hung out and played cards and stuff. He said we should go for a drive which we did and then he wanted to show me his apartment. We went inside and he showed me around. We went into his room and he took his jacket off and we started kissing a lot. I laid in his bed and he got on top of me and we made out some more. He kept telling me how beautiful and gorgeous I am and eventually we had sex.
Do you think I'm a whore? | self.depression |
Homeless in Alaska Treat the people in your life better, or you'll end up like me. | self.depression |
Have you ever heard people romanticizing illness? I read a thing about how there's some people who think illness is cute or poetic. There was someone who said "suicidal people are fallen angels going back to heaven." So do you have an examples of that? I'm doing a video and I'm looking for examples. | self.Anxiety |
How do I stop falling in love with every girl I meet? Met someone unexpectedly at university, she seemed really nervous to see me, now I can't stop thinking.
How do I stop? This always happens and it kills me inside every. single. time. | self.depression |
Anyone have strange symptoms or effects from being sexually abused? | self.depression |
I feel like a hypocrite when I try to help my suicidal friends | self.depression |
I Feel Like A Burden/Annoyance I'm a 27F living with chronic pain and anxiety (but most of my friends and family don't know that bit), and I feel like I annoy my family and/or boyfriend. Sometimes my pain is so bad that I just cannot do anything really, even get up to go to the bathroom (but I still do because I don't want to soil myself). But I feel like I can't talk to my family or boyfriend about it when it's so bad because I feel like I'm bothering them if I bring it up or tell them I'm having a bad pain day. There are times even when I just get so depressed that I want my pain to be over and done with, especially lately because it's gotten worse, but I feel like if I tell someone they'll just think "as usual" or "she's talking about her pain AGAIN?!". I used to see a therapist but even then I didn't bring it up because of the same reasons. I just don't know what to do sometimes. The pain has just been getting worse, I've been running out of my pain meds early because of it, but I feel like if I tell someone, even my doctors, that I'd just be bothering/annoying them. I don't know why I think like this either. I also have surgery coming up on Friday and I KNOW it's going to be hard to do things after and I'll have more pain but I just don't know what to do or who to talk to anymore.
Fuck. | self.offmychest |
I’m going to get better I’m going to go to therapy. I’m going to sort myself out. I don’t know why I’m so full of hate, apathy, and silent; and why it even came out on you. I’m sorry for being an ass so many times. I’ve changed a lot and it wasn’t for the better. My work is suffering my family is suffering and my relationships are suffering. I can’t sleep well anymore, I oversleep, I can’t think right, and I hope every day I get hit by a lightning bolt.
I’m going to lose everything because for the longest time I couldn’t feel. The love of my life is leaving me, and the only thing left for me here is to get better.
I’m going to get better. | self.depression |
In constant pain and can’t stand it In my first year at college and it’s rough. GF broke up with me a bit back and it was really tough and still is for me I constantly think of her. On top of that I don’t have my friends and can’t make any myself. I had a friend from Home go to the same school as me and he made friends and I’m friends with them as well but when I can’t chill with my main friend I have no one. Ontop of all that I have a speech problem and is really tough for me to be outgoing and find people or even anyone to talk too. Just the constant up and downs of emotions is killing me and I just want a change. Any advice will help. | self.depression |
I wonder if this is accurate for other people [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
The Holidays Make Me Want to Crawl Into A Hole I don't know what it is but this year particularly has been bad.
My younger brother has come back to visit from college and I was so excited to see him and show him a good time. But I think the expectation that I set for his visit has set me off and now I can't get out of bed and I'm so sad it physically hurts.
That combinded with my mother's incessent need to make everything perfect yet unwillingness to approach/resolve any kind of real issue and my father's volatile temper just stops me from being able to function.
I want to cry but can't. My chest hurts, I can't smile, I dull everything with alcohol but that doesn't even work anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. | self.depression |
Could I be mildly hypomanic or getting there? Mildly wondering if I have mild hypomania and that's why I feel more up for things and wanting to go and do things now instead of just dreaming about it. Dyeing and cutting my hair maybe but definitely dyeing it a fun purple. I want to pierce my lip and get a tattoo but I'll settle for a fake lip ring. I'm still sleeping 7 hours a night and before that 3-6 but I feel like I could push myself to keep going a while maybe a day or two, at least with coffee. My mood is pretty normal though.
Oh and I've been high on weed for most of the last three days though I wouldn't be this high or missing three days of class if I wasn't with a friend. I was only supposed to miss one day. Leave Saturday night, be back Tuesday. But we fucked up a tire and rim and maybe more because I was talking. And my mom has no idea I'm seven hours away from my college. She knows I bought coffee three hours away but I kinda made it sound like we just went on a trip and went back. Sort of. Our accounts are set up so she can transfer money from me for "rent," which is my health insurance and phone and cable. Anyway so she can see what I'm doing with my card. I haven't used my card since Saturday because of this. They called Sunday night and I told them we had to go drive back to college. So this tire rim whole thing sounds like it could cost 300-1000, but I know nothing about cars.
I've been thinking about piercings, tattoos, dyeing my hair, possibly coming out as nonbinaty but slowly. Spacing it out to my parents. The hair first, then maybe the lip, then my gender. Something like agender/agenderflux. They know I'm bi/pan but haven't really accepted it.
 
I do feel a bit energetic in waves like I could run a marathon if I were in good shape. And I want gum. That helps a bit. | self.bipolar |
I overheard my family talking about me when they thought I couldn't hear. I'm so weak now that even just little things like that can crush whatever small spirit I've built. I'm not sure I have depression because every time I think I do, I buckle down and convince myself I'm not. I've had suicidal thoughts for years but never intended to act on it. I don't think I ever will. I never told anybody close to me because I don't have the energy to put up with whatever they'll insist on doing to me, even if it helps.
Idk how my father found out anyway but he put me through a shrink some time ago, I didn't tell him either. I tried once to tell him indirectly that I had thought about suicide a lot but he either didn't listen, didn't think much of it, thought I was fine or didn't bother since it was almost at the end of my time with him anyway. It seems whenever I approach someone about it all they ever say is that I'm just blatantly wrong somehow, or I was doing something stupid, of which I already know.
I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm even saying most of the time but all I know is that life keeps hurting me and I don't know why.
It's been bad these past couple weeks. I was kicked out of my major and I don't think I even have the common sense to know when to give up, to understand I don't have the energy to even get up most days and neither the intelligence to pretend I do. I drank myself into the ER and my own mother had to drive me in. How much of a loser does one have to be? She kept telling me that it happens to everybody but I don't believe her, and if I did I think it would be even worse. Is this what normal life is supposed to be? I always thought maybe this pain would pay out somehow later down the line but I don't see anything coming. | self.depression |
stare at the ceiling day I barely had the energy to call out of work (really bad I know). It's just so bad today. I'm feeling anxious about calling out of work and possibly getting fired but the clinical depression is very real. I feel paralyzed and heavy.
I'm on my phone now (obviously), and doing some work emails. So not a totally useless day.
I hate this...
I have a psychiatrist appointment in a few weeks that I'm looking forward to, to get back on track. | self.depression |
I feel pointless, hopeless I have a good life. So good, I'm not supposed to be depressed.
I have a roof over my head, a house that's being paid on. All I see is the repairs I can't afford to make.
I have my dream car to drive to work. All I feel is fear I'll be in another car wreck I can't afford or that I should've spend a few thousand less on something else.
I work a job that pays me well to effectively do nothing most days. All I feel is fear that I'm unwanted and unneeded and it's only a matter of time until I'm let go.
I oscillate between deep despair and wishing my heart would stop to mostly numb and unable to feel anything. I break out in tears at work and have to tell my coworkers it's allergies.
I have friends who love me and care about me. All I feel is how much better they would be if I'd died years ago and they'd never known me. | self.depression |
Can't think straight Went to see the psychiatrist yesterday after what seemed like some more cycling. He started me on lamictal, in addition to increasing my seroquel a tiny bit, with the intention of eventually getting rid of the lithium. I took it for the first time today after waking up feeling fine, and within a couple hours, it felt like I couldn't think through anything. I know the seroquel puts me in a bit of a fog, but this was different.
I know it's only the first day and all, but is this something that's going to stay this strong, or will it lessen over time? Finals are coming up and it would be nice if I could work through problems and such... Anyone have any tips for dealing with this?
| self.bipolar |
You'll always be out there, I know that now And good bye is so much harder when hello can feel so close. If I just reach out and grab on, let myself get swept up in chance and connections, then what? Will we meet? Will you talk to me? Will it bring me closure? Or will it dig at me deeper than your face on my feed, unexpected and unwelcome? And if I let it go, am I just running from you? Losing out on all the joy and belonging of that world I desperately want to join, just because you're already there? How big a chunk of the world am I ready to lock you away in? How small a piece am I locking myself in?
I want to say good bye, but hello would be ecstasy. Fulfillment. Peace. Validation. I will grab on, but if we meet, I'll continue on my own path. I can live my own ecstasy. I am my own person. My people will be my people. My world will be my world.
Your face on my feed, seared into my mind, that smile I loved. I'm happy you're so happy, but I'll find my own happiness too. | self.offmychest |
I don't know how to live I feel like I can't live a life. Like I wasn't supposed to live a life. I'm sorry this won't make sense, I'm so tired. I just keep thinking about doing something and I need to distract myself. I'm such a piece of shit. I just avoiding things and put things of and sabotage the opportunities I'm given. And I know I'm young and that these things now probably seem like nothing to most people, but I know in my heart that even though they're a small they just give a true look into who I am and the shitty fucking useless person I am truly. I'm so tired, but I don't want to sleep because when I go to sleep I wake up and it's tomorrow. I'm so tired. I don't know how I'm supposed to live a full life where I get an education and a job and a husband and kids I don't know how that's supposed to happen for someone like me. Someone who can't even fucking get up and do laundry or falls asleep on the cold bathroom tile every morning. I don't know how to be a full fledged fucking person in this world that doesn't seem to have space for me. I am surrounded by people, but I feel so alone. Like they're all in love with this version of me, this perception of me they have when really they don't the half of it. I have nowhere to go. My life is not a path I walk it is scaling down a mountain side, the only clear path the rope that dangles me from the place I started. I'm so sorry this doesn't make any sense. I'm so tired. | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm a white guy, and I've pretty much been exclusively attracted to Asian girls for my entire life. I'm scared to admit this to people because they might think that I'm racist. Ever since I was in kindergarten, I've almost exclusively been attracted to Asian girls. I live in an area with a very high Asian population, and I remember only liking Asian girls when I was a kid, except for one half white half Asian girl when I was 10. I also only liked Asian girls for the entirety of high school (which I just finished). I've only been on 2 dates in my life and both of them were with Asian girls. I also pretty much only watch Asian porn and I have very rarely found a non-Asian girl that I have been attracted to on the internet. And most of the non-Asian girls that I have been attracted to have been kind of Asian looking anyway (slightly darker skin with black hair).
I don't know what to think about this. Part of me feels racist, but the other part of me feels like I can't really change the fact that I'm pretty much only attracted to Asian girls. I'm sure I could fall in love with a girl of another race, but I always go for Asian girls because I'm pretty much only physically attracted to them. I don't know what triggered this and I've always wondered why I am like this. It's not because I've bought into the stupid stereotype of Asian girls being "submissive" (I prefer to be sumbmissive myself actually) and I have liked Asian girls since I was too young to even understand this concept anyway. I've known guys that were really into Asian girls, but I've never met anyone who was almost exclusively into them like I am. It's also hard to admit that I'm into Asian girls because there's a stigma against guys with "yellow fever", and that just adds to my own guilt.
| self.offmychest |
Does anxiety raise heart rate quite a bit? I have a normal blood pressure and I am a little out of shape 5 '11 and weigh 200lbs. However, I think the biggest culprit of my fast heart rate is my anxiety. I am about to take Zoloft (prescribe by my doctor) and was wondering if my anxiety can cause my high heart rate? At rest, my heart rate is at 102 - 110. Also, does anyone know if Zoloft lowers your heart rate. It seems some people say it does on other forums, but I am not sure. | self.Anxiety |
It's slowly killing me. On october everything started to roll downhill. I'm having constant depressions and i'm feeling empty and gray. Recently failed my test which i sacrified two fucking weeks for it. Didn't show my parents because they heavily curse and scream at me to the ground calling me a useless piece of shit refugee (iam russian) who will collect bottles for his rest of the life, fucking twat etc.. . Slowly giving up on school since it seems i'am too dumb for it and i see no future or any point in continue living,
especially here in Germany. Nothing makes me happy. The only thing that brings me up is my shy crush which i catch sneak peeking at me and then quickly turning away. Warms my heart by alot and turns the whole mood upside down with a big, fat smile for the rest of day. Never had a girlfriend or did any interaction with girls. 16 years old, middle school, looks like the best time in life is being wasted. Don't even know if i ever will have good past memories to share with, since my childhood wasn't that great either. Sitting home all day and thinking how i will continue, that is my new life. | self.depression |
I was born sitting under the sword of damocles [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
i'm done don't know what to do anymore So another breakdown well where should i begin? the ohh you have some tattos we can't hire you. the part where i don't actualy have friends ? or the part where everything falls apart? i'm literarly just fucked i'm so tired acting like everything's ok i can't fucking handle it anymore it's starting to hurt really badly now don't even know what the hell to do anymore workin my ass off shit jobs for shit money that barley cover expenses i'm fucked i don't even know what to fuckin say to anyone anymore can't handle this shit anymore i lost 10 kg in a mother fucking week i fuckin have breakdowns every day i'm done just wanted to say this.. this acc will probably be deleted cuz i used a fake email bye every1 | self.depression |
I think I need help I know I need to write this or at least part of me knows I need to right this. I have been doing ok with my depression for a while, still getting some down spells, but for the most part I've been good. But today I feel like something snapped I don't feel sad but I have no will to live and my hands are shaky and I feel like crying, but I don't feel sad even though I want to die the only thing I think affected me today was I played a game called doki doki literature club because I thought it was cute and didn't take the warning on it too seriously. Its a visual novel and one of the characters has depression but was really nice so I tried to go to her and she had committed suicide. it didn't really bother me that much but now I kind of realize that noone will ever be romantically interested in me so I don't really feel like living anymore. I don't feel sad, in fact I feel kind of happy. some part of me told me to post this here, so any advice? | self.depression |
Hi! Hey! So I'm kind've looking for any help possible. I've been struggling for suicidal thoughts for a long time and I have got medication for it but it has barely worked. At the beginning of the medication I felt a bit more energy but not any change in mood! And now as I'm "dipping" down I really am struggling! I have had a great life my friends are incredibly supportive and I know that I should be happy but it is a struggle. My family are there more than most and they have struggles themselves. I know its idiotic but any suggestion would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for youre time. I hope youre having a great day. | self.depression |
Anxiety and Depression, any advice? I have this thought/awareness of my speaking voice now, I worried about not being able to speak during a period of growing stress at work and then I actually felt like I could barely speak and I have been that way for 12 weeks now. I don't know if its anxiety or even ocd, my voice always feels quieter and higher pitched now and I don't know how I even use to speak before. Its horrible because I feel like I can't just speak how I use to without thinking about the words coming out etc. I feel like this is permanent and I don't really do anything anymore apart from go on walks as I feel so low and trapped.
Also I had psychosis 3 years ago and was wondering if your mind can return back to normal after a psychotic depression? because life has seemed different ever since, like I'm stuck in my own head in a disconnected place.
Thank you. | self.Anxiety |
I got called the shame of the family by my dad. [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Depressed and lonely This is my first post on here but I really need someone to talk to | self.depression |
Depressed, alone, and reflecting on the turd that was 2017 this NYE [deleted] | self.depression |
anxiety combined with recent break-up is making it hard to sleep, eat, and concentrate. any advice? I've dealt with both anxiety and depression my whole life. I just started going through a difficult break up, and my anxiety is making it difficult to concentrate on anything but the split. (I've also got the stress of senior thesis and a really heavy class load aggravating things). I have a tendency to dissociate when the anxiety is overwhelming, and since my ex and I share most of our college classes I end up having a difficult time concentrating most of the day. More importantly, I'm finding it impossible to sleep or eat. I just lay awake thinking about what happened, feeling alone, and if I do sleep I wake up 30 minutes in with a panic attack. In addition, I tend to throw up when my anxiety gets bad enough, so I haven't been able to keep much food down the past few days.
Any advice from people who have dealt with a rough break up while having anxiety? Or have trouble with sleeping/eating with anxiety in general? | self.Anxiety |
Hate every single thing about myself It doesn't get better and nothing seems to fix it. Even if I feel better for a bit, I get suicidal soon after. | self.SuicideWatch |
Is suicidal ideation often a chronic lifelong thing... As in repeating? Three years ago I had suicide thoughts every hour of every day for four months. Those were the worst four months of my life. I half attempted... I guess. Like I drove with my eyes closed, never wore a seat belt hoping for a crash. I had a change in circumstances, and they went away.
I think that they're cropping up again. Wikipedia said that people with a history of suicidal thoughts are more at risk than otherwise, and I found that kind of depressing (no pun intended).
The point is that suddenly thinking that this will be something that I'll have to deal with on and off for the rest of my life really hurts. It kills hope. Like there isn't an end to it, only breaks. Has anyone else had on and off issues with this spanning long periods of time. What helped you? What should I do? I absolutely cannot afford a therapist. I need to help myself somehow. Thank you. | self.SuicideWatch |
I’m so tired I’m tired of feeling unwanted. A constant cycle between having hope and falling into despair. Not knowing if I’ll ever be good enough for anyone to love and want me. If I am good enough for that. Will working hard even pay off?
A few hours ago I sat with a friend of mine and her friends. The way she touched one of their hands just reminded me of the things I’d never have. That human affection. I felt so alone in a group of people. They were all super close from knowing each other for years. The way they interacted with each other was something I wish I had with someone.
I wish I could save myself, but I don’t see any other options. I’ve been told before to go to therapy, but that would destroy my career and reputation. In two days it’ll be a month since the deadline I gave myself. The date where I wished I would’ve ended it. Oh well, it’s never too late, as they say... | self.SuicideWatch |
I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me. Any rapid cycle-ers? Got my blood work back, all is normal except high wbc counts. I don’t know why I’m so exhausted then. Thought I was anemic. I don’t think it’s depression, I actually feel a little hypomanic; which is terrifying because just recently got out of the hospital for severe manic episode. Already revving again?? Ugh. But it’s weird because I feel hypomanic, except I’m exhausted and sleeping a lot. And sometimes I just start crying a little at a sad song or post on here. Just, really randomly. I’m just confused. I’m not usually a rapid cycle-er. Is that what this could be? Just changing in hours instead of days?
I also might be sick, the doctor wants to see me in 2 weeks because my abdominal sounds were abnormal, I guess. Or maybe I’m just stressed and making myself more stressed by thinking it’s something other than stress!! Sigh | self.bipolar |
I Am Nothing I don't have abusive parents, or a troubled childhood. If anything, I shouldn't feel like this. I just feel like a stain upon society, I'm only in high school and I am already setting myself for failure. I have all B/s and a C and no college is going to accept me. I'm nothing but reasons for my parents to argue(they have nothing about me to be proud about), a pathetic excuse of a role model to my younger brother, a hinderance to my girlfriend from having someone who deserves her, an annoyance to my friends, but most of all, a burden to society. I'm not going to contribute to society, I'll be a leech. So why exactly should I be alive? I know what my future is going to be and it won't be a happy one. Besides, everyone would be happier if I just simply died, they may not realize it then, but once time passes, they'll be happier. I know it sounds like I'm just being angsty but these are just the thoughts I can't keep down anymore. | self.SuicideWatch |
Teacher Judges Me for Fear of Public Speaking and Anxiety I'm quite pissed to be honest because this is the first time I've had a teacher completely disregard my mental health and be judgemental rather than understanding. It's also just a weird feeling since there is so much more tolerance and discussion on anxiety and mental health in general so it kinda shocked me.
Basically I was supposed to do a presentation for my class but it is not graded. In an email I asked if I could submit work alternatively because I have a fear of public speaking and general anxiety. No reply.
I emailed again voicing my concerns that my teacher had not received the previous email and realiterated my point. No reply.
I call my teachers office this morning and he had received my emails but had ignored them.
I asked if I could be excused from the presentation and my teacher said that I didn't have to do it since it wasn't graded but continued by saying things like, "you know you will have to do presentations in whatever career you choose" "what is the problem with presenting?" "What career do you want?"
I honestly just feel so judged and misunderstood. My teacher obviously got my emails and didn't see it as worth replying too.. and then stresses me out more by adding career pressure and insinuating that because I have anxiety that I will struggle in a career.
WTF.
Has anyone else had a similar experience in school or work? And can anyone ease my worries I now have about the future in work? | self.Anxiety |
Finally got a call back from a partial care program... [deleted] | self.depression |
Is dimming the light switch on your emotions a healthy way of coping? Long story short I have been through A LOT in life and recently went through a break up that destroyed me emotionally. I was very depressed and had much anxiety about dying alone as most of my friends turned their backs on me when I needed them most. The last few months have left me much more cynical and pessimistic than I already was.
Recently, one could say my "give a fuck switch" has been turned off and it has turned me back to my cool and confident self. Last month alone I had 5 different sex partners, many of my encounters were two women at the same time. I no longer care if the womens feelings are hurt by my player ways since I am not in a committed relationship. I also have upped my usage of marijuana edibles and alcohol even if it is during the day. I don't care that my roommate points out that, that behavior isn't healthy.
The question I pose is this: to those of you who did the same thing to cope; losing your give a fuck switch and embracing hedonism for awhile. Did it help you or hinder you in the long run? It works for me so far but I wish to know from those who used the same technique to conquer their anxiety and depression if it has TRULY helped you. | self.Anxiety |
I hate generational poverty and how it's downplayed I want to clarify that I'm not looking for an argument only a better perspective from someone who can relate with these thoughts I can't get rid of. I know they unhealthy that why I'm here.
I like so many other people of the work am a product of generation poverty my grandparents werent allowed the same right a others in America and because of that they were poor there whole lives. Bussinesses like Walmart Safeway McDonald's ECT were open with 100% white ownership. A monopoly was already in place before they even had chance to work to start something of there own. They had been segregated against the majority of their lives. This generation that we are in currently is the first generation of black American who might be born in a house might have there parents be out of generational poverty might be lucky and I think thats wonderful.
What I tryna understand is whenever someone brings up reparations for these injustices their called looking for a hand out. I really don't understand how Martin or Malcolm X or whoever didn't try to get reparations for generations of slavery. I also noticed they when they died black people started being portrayed worst in the media it's like news reporters would look for the most cracked out black person they could find to give that image to the world. If the whole US sees us like that why would they want to give crackheads and deadbeats money?
My real issue
How can some kid get 50,000 dollars for being bullied from donations but we as a people can't do anything to help people who are still being affected by generational poverty. Why is it that you can spend billions on movies why people are dying.
If the right people were in charge this wouldn't be as big of an issue and I feel like future generations will look at us like materialistic scum we are.
Someone please be wise and take this hate from my heart. Who am I kidding thanks for reading. I am happy to be blessed in the situation I'm in because it could be so much worst. | self.offmychest |
Hey just kinda spiraling, feeling super alone and very uncomfortable with myself and wish it could stop and I'd feel safe for a few minutes [deleted] | self.depression |
What does one do... ...when every action at work seems like a swipe at you or a threat of demotion?
...when you can’t stop taking every comment personally—to the point of calling yourself paranoid?
...when you feel like if there’s one “crazy” person in the building, he or she will gravitate towards you and/or glom on FOREVER...
...when you’ve never had mood swings this bad and they seem like they are switching poles every ten minutes or so b/c of some “reminder” of what you’ve got to work on or what’s coming up this school year...
...when you are just simply afraid to try because you’re afraid of being told you are WRONG...and no matter how gentle the admonition, it cuts to the quick...?? | self.Anxiety |
I was forced into existence I was forced into existence. I already wish i was never born. End my existence already. | self.SuicideWatch |
Asking for help People always urge others with depression to seek professional help; I would definitely like help, but I'm too terrified to ask for help.
Anyone have any tips besides "just do it"
Depression and anxiety are shitty. | self.depression |
10/10, so great when you try talk to someone about something that has really been bothering you and they brush over it and change the subject Especially since I find it insanely hard to open up to people. Finally pluck up the courage and get ignored. Not a good idea. Never trying that again. Bye. | self.Anxiety |
I don't know anymore I know that I want to die. But I know it would kill my family and boyfriend. That's not very fair. I know if they didn't exist I would be out in a heartbeat. I feel like I'm just sticking around for them but I'm empty. It just hurts my boyfriend I know that. We fight all the time. My brother died and he was so much better than me. He like didn't give a fuck and was crazy authentic. I never had met anyone like him. He knew he was going to die. I wish I would have died instead. I would trade. It would have been better. He would be partying right now while I sit here. I was molested by my neighbor as a child. I just feel like I'm waiting around for something terrible to happen to me again. And I have had some close calls. America is terrible for women. 1/6 is raped. I just can't get past that. I get harrassed often. But then when you talk about it everyone says you're exaggerating and that your crazy feminazi. I'm just trying to point out that I live in constant fear. It doesn't matter because I know I cant kill myself. But I feel dead inside. | self.SuicideWatch |
I need help... What do I say? What do I say to a friend that i haven't talked to for months due to my depression without sounding weird? I feel worse without him... He's not a sentimental type. | self.depression |
Reactions until death. By itself, living is just a bunch of chemical reactions. These reactions react forever, with no goal.
These reactions only depend on their inputs. My inputs are my environment, and the chemicals that make it up. When these chemicals react with a state in my body, I live.
When I "die", my reactions will continue in the same manner, within different organisms. My "life" is only a single stage of the reactions. Since my reactions continue as mushrooms or bacteria or cremation, I will live after death.
Depression, as a reaction, does stop. It requires a brain, however, there is no brain in a mushroom. So as soon as I die, my depression will stop.
What I do during my life is of no consequence. It matters not whether I succeed or fail. Whether I'm a burden on others, or not. Whether I get a job, or not.
My reactions will continue, with, or without any action on my part.
So why succeed if failure will bring the same result? | self.depression |
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