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Anyone else find that they have a shorter fuse when anxious? I seem to get quickly annoyed at things when I’m anxious. Today I was trying to get some work done at a local coffee shop and there were like 4 crying infants that arrived with their parents over the time I was there and it drove me nuts!!! So I cranked my headphones and sat there with an irritated scowl on my face... Like I felt I may have been seemingly a little too irritated ... and then I got more anxious about my irritability! Damn you vicious circle! | self.Anxiety |
My family is so messed up. So basically 4 days ago, my brother in law has beaten my sister and broke her iPhone 7+ which is still new, for no good reason, and kept on humiliating her, my sister has been feeling like shit, and she has a history of suicide attempts, she's clinically depressed and has so many scars, that's not all also, when my sister started on venting to us, my dad said he should beat my sister, because then he wouldn't be a man if he didn't, my sister was crying and breaking stuff, I couldn't stay still and was angry so I ended up punching my dad, he can't walk like before, I apologized the next day, my sister has been crying for 2 days, I couldn't stop thinking about getting revenge or justice, fast forward to today, my dad decided to invite my brother in law and sister over, for what ? To drink tea and be happy with it, the guy doesn't even guilty for what he had done, and everyone's thinking it's a light issue, it's so messed up, that's not even all of it, my dad said my brother in law should beat me too, and when I said my sister could suicide, he said let her suicide so what? I wanna pack my stuff and never see them again but they're not even letting me do that
My older sister also kept on changing the story, and have been making fun of my sister, and saying she's a drama queen, and they're telling me I should let it go.
For people who would say I should contact the police I can't since I live in middle east and it's much different and fucked up here due to religion, and the punishment are severe and itd end up on the victims.
I wish I could get fucking justice here.
My brother in law is 32 beated my older sister who's 25, and he's married to my older sister 30, I'm 20
I don't even have anyone to tell this to, I don't have friends and I'm pretty lonely, and j can't rely on someone. | self.offmychest |
Looking for a non-urgent hotline to talk to someone I am not suicidal, and I do not self-harm. I am simply alone and depressed to a point where there are days I can hardly find motivation to get out of bed, and getting dressed can take up to an hour because it's just so hard to make my body keep going through the motions of being a functioning member of society.
And the worst part is, I haven't told anyone how I felt, so I have no one to talk to about it.
I feel like I could benefit from discussing my feelings with someone without the fear of judgement, but I don't have the spare money or time to travel to a therapist. I would really just like to talk to someone who is understanding and has experience talking through things with people. But every hotline I can find online seems to be specifically directed at people in immediate danger. I don't want to clog up a suicide hotline with my boring, normal depression, but I really just need someone to talk to.
Does anyone know of any hotlines made simply for people going through depression who need an attentive ear to vent to? Please let me know if you do, because I need it bad. | self.depression |
Questions about a voluntary hospital stay. I would like to know what it would be like if I went into the ER and told them I was feeling suicidal. I'm not quite at that point, but I feel like I'm getting closer sometimes. What should I expect if I do it? Will they let me keep my phone or laptop with me? Will they let me keep anything with me to keep myself busy? Anyone who's been through this please tell me what to expect. | self.SuicideWatch |
Recovery after panic attack? I had a severe panic attack. Whats a good way to destress afterwards? I still feel pretty uncomfortable. | self.Anxiety |
i am afraid of what will happen to my loved one. [deleted] | self.depression |
I just want peace of mind. To preface, I tried to commit suicide when I was in college. When it didn't work, I started starving myself and working out 6 hours a day. When my friends noticed and I couldn't avoid them, I started putting myself in as many potentially dangerous, "adventurous" activities as I could. I still do that. I've not tried again outright since the first time, but the weight on me was always there. Now I wake up every morning wondering if today is the day that those impulses come roaring back and if I could handle them this time. Sometimes I think I could, but sometimes I know that I couldn't. I desparately want to get up one morning and be able to definitely say "I will not want to die today," but I feel like I can't ever get there.
Thank you for listening. | self.depression |
I don't care about anything anymore and I don't know why [deleted] | self.depression |
Is there anyone in los angeles that would like to speak about their issues? [removed] | self.depression |
I have issues big problems and not sure how to fix them I always feel confused i always feell ike im gonna pass out i feel lost and stuck in life and i feel like i have no emotion or real thoughts anymore its kind of wierd and after the whole thing about me getting in trouble and losing 1k and not caring like idk what my life is even about anymore i feel like doing something different what do you think i could do to change my life whats the purpose of your lifes and what makes you wake up every morning knowing what to do to get what you want in life. WTF DO i even want in life | self.offmychest |
Girlfriend of 9 yrs left left to home countr. Shes been gone for three months bug we galk every day...today she informed me she isn't coming back and is over me....I don't see any reason to live. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
maybe u can relate too today wasnt my day, like legit; i got to class a bit late than usual and all started to go fucking bad. they started laughing at me and i didnt know why at all, and moments later a nigga told me that it was all about a Musically i posted MONTHS AGO AND JUST BECAUSE I WAS bored afff. well, it seemed they were hella disrespectful and unpolite to me, and i just couldnt handle the feeling of uselessness anymore, so i decided to hide in the bathroom and i did stay there for the rest of the class.. its been the first time in years that i have felt like this. | self.depression |
Pain Triggers Panic So I've been having pain. Usually pretty minor (like my bra not fitting or my tendon issue flailing). However, I can't have nsaids and tylonal isn't great for pain. The pain triggers extreme panic. I can't function. I'm losing sleep.
I start regular work Monday. I worked with my tharapist on a bedtime routine to try to lessen issues at night. I've ordered a weighted blanket. I'm looking for a weighted or compression vest for work/being out etc.
My prescriber is cross tapering me with new Meds whenever my insurance goes though. So I am trying a med change. Plus this time I have sleeping pills to knock me out.
I can't have benzos, regular baths, or cannabis in any form...
Any recommendations for things I can do? Especially at night. | self.bipolar |
What do you do after an attempt? Do you just try to go out and live like normal or sulk at home for awhile? | self.SuicideWatch |
I think I'm done I don't want to live. Not anymore. It's selfish I know. I just want to give up and say fuck it. If I was offered a chance to have never existed I would take it in a heartbeat. It's my fault (obviously) that I'm in this mess. About four months ago I cheated on my girlfriend and best friend. She won't even look at me. I deserve it but I still die a little bit everytime ahe walks past. It's like we are strangers. We who dated for 11 months. I knew her better than anyone and she knew me better than anyone has ever known me. Now it's gone. All of it. And I'm never getting it back. I just want to talk to her again. | self.offmychest |
I get depressed and anxious whenever my girlfriend goes out clubbing with her friends. [deleted] | self.depression |
Today was a reminder, and another step down to the end Another self deprecating post from me on reddit, hurray.
I serve in the IDF, and today, due to how close we are to release, we were sent to a convention about job applications, courses, etc.
This is the offer:
Possibility for early release
Partially of a fully paid course to train you in that skill (IT, Management, app creation, electrician, hotel jobs including management, medical research, etc)
Instant employment
Funds to live through during the course, in case you won't work during the course, etc.
So as you can see, it sounds too good to be true.
But I couldn't even get to one of them. I can't talk to people, I'm next to mute, and some people even think that when they first meet me.
I just stood and watched everyone go up to the stands and talk, gather information, etc.
I don't think I ever wanted to commit suicide more than this day.
This isn't the first opportunity I blew. This has been going on for over 15 years. I was about to just burst out in public for the first time.
I already put the gun barrel in my mouth last month. I doubt this is the last time I'll just watch everyone, but I'm not sure I'll let myself live through any more of these situations.
I've been posting on reddit about this for more than 2 years now, and so far I only find solutions to keep me going until the next problem appears.
6 psychologists, 15 years down the drain.
I keep smiling near others, and then I go to the bathroom and just start punching the wall until my knuckles are red and hurting.
Can't even write a coherent and well structured post, I just remember and write and hope that I remember everything important. | self.SuicideWatch |
From UK to US Bipolars- How do you guys pay for your treatment? So I'm confused guys. I'm a Brit and my psychiatric care is free at point of access on the NHS (National Health Service). I have an option to pay £29.99 for three months worth of prescription cost coverage, or £8.95 per item (which for me is 5 meds per month). How do you guys in the US (or other countries for that matter) afford your care and medications? After doing some research today it seems the US system in particular isn't exactly tailored for those with mental health conditions, in fact the whole thing really pissed me off. I've heard people on this thread saying they can't afford certain meds, or even to see a doctor for that matter. Is it really that bad? I'm keen to hear from you all about your experiences in psychiatric care if you'd be so kind? Thanks! | self.bipolar |
It's hard to keep fighting Hi, I've posted before but I need help. I'm Bipolar II and have been getting help for the past few weeks, that's since my diagnosis at the end of October. I have been fighting the anxiety and depression as best I can but I feel like there's no more fight in me, that I should just give up. I lost my gf of 3 years because of my manic episodes, I'm constantly feeling alone or isolated even when surrounded by family or friends, and I feel like I'm a burden to everyone. On top of it all, no new doctors or therapists will see me and the ones I have been seeing are of no help.
How do I keep fighting? I've got these memories in my head that aren't mine and I feel like there is someone else in my mind that isn't me.
Please help me | self.bipolar |
Just left the movies before the movie even started because there was too big of a crowd Anyone ever do that. I’m feeling sort of silly now.
After travelling 30 minutes by bus. In 30 degree heat. I’m about to walk into the movie theatre and there I saw 2-3 dozen people.
Panicked went to the nearest toilets to panic some more then went home since I had already missed like 20 minutes of the movie. | self.Anxiety |
I have school in 3 hours cant do this my mom had me write in this journal thing whenever I had an anxiety or panic attack. id write the time down and stuff. right now its 6 minutes to 3 am and I have to wake up at 6. I already wrote a lot but it doesn't really help, more provides something for my therapist to work on. I love her and she helps but I only see her once every 2 weeks. I'm not on medicines but there are some medicines in the kitchen cabinets and razors, knives. I haven't felt suicidal in months so I'm kind of freaked. I don't really have a plan but sometimes I act on impulse. the most recent time I have seen my therapist was a couple days after Christmas. my depression and anxiety were getting worse a little bit before Christmas. honestly the only thing that helps are my pets and my friends but I can only see my friends at school because I don't have a phone or social media. my family only has one car too so seeing them irl is out of the question. one of the strays me and my mom rescued died. in the bathroom in my mom's arms. that was the first death ive ever experienced and I'm not dealing with it well. today/yesterday I had to get picked up early because I had an attack in the morning before school, then one at school. went to the nurse between classes. lucky didn't start crying probably would have gotten made fun of or yelled at lol. anyways I went home early and slept and then I finished Desperation. took my mind off everything for a while but now ive been awake for hours and I cant sleep. I'm probably not gonna kill myself but I'm definitely having thoughts. I don't use reddit so this isn't really a throwaway but I didn't know what to put. I just needed to kind of put this down and have someone to talk to. but anonymously you know. if this breaks some sort of rule or doesn't belong here just delete or ill delete it or something. one more thing. I would never admit this if it wasn't anonymously but I think something big is going to happen. ive just got a weird feeling probably anxiety or paranoia but sometimes ill take walks. I was walking and didn't see the preschoolers schoolbus and nearly got run over didn't really scare me though (sometimes mornings at the bus stop I think of just setting down my bookbag and putting myself in front of the wheels.) 2 hawks circling over my head the rest of the way home. probably coincident. sometimes ill think of stuff and itll happen, or it will show up everywhere. was on some sort of game named myself kevin. kevin is showing up everywhere and it didn't before. sounds stupid hah. was reading up on global cooling, the east coast where I live gets slammed with that arctic stuff. then there's that flu stuff. maybe I'm just a guilty person or paranoid but I feel like its my fault. idk I cant wake my mom up shes sleeping I hate getting her up. she needs sleep. my dad is at work. I don't know if ill make it through school tomorrow or even tonight. just please let somebody see this and be listening. sorry if I typed too much | self.SuicideWatch |
Unsuccessfully trying to go to sleep, but feel like something is really wrong with me. Not sure if it’s anxiety or something else. My left arm has been feeling weird, it’s tingling right now, and my heart feels heavy. I used to have severe anxiety but I thought I had gotten over it, 3 days ago it returned and I had a panic attack out of nowhere. Since then I have been consistently anxious for no reason. It just sucks cause I really thought I had overcome this, and I hadn’t had a panic attack in a few years. I can’t go back to how things were when I was a teenager and having panic attacks everyday. I have all these coping skills and I’ve gotten pretty good at calming myself down. But these past 3 days I’ve just been feeling like my heart could stop at any moment and my chest feels weird and sore. I’m not sure if it’s anxiety anymore and I’m scared. I’m 21 and healthy. I’ve had heart palpitations in the past, but this is a different sensation. It’s like my heart feels weak at certain times in the day. | self.Anxiety |
I just keep fucking up I broke a promise to my boyfriend in a (obviously failed) suicide attempt. He called me and I answered and he talked me out of it. But I’d already self-harmed and thus broken a promise I made to him. I’m certain he’s going to break up with me because I can’t be trusted. I wish I would’ve ignored the call and kept going, it would have saved so many people the misery of having to put up with me. | self.SuicideWatch |
How do normal people actually deal with things? How do lnormal people actually deal with things that get in their way. I could be bored for like 3 hours and think "How the fuck have I not killed myself?".
It's like people ask you hypothetical questions about what you would do if "X" happened. Honestly I'd probably kill myself or seriously consider it, I am not strong willed. | self.depression |
As I was washing dishes I realized I'm hypomanic I was washing dishes for the third time tonight, after making 4 dozen cupcakes, and realized that not only is it almost 2 am and I'm wide awake but also that I'm hypomanic.
I just restarted lamotrigine on Sunday so it needs time to kick in. This is the first time in a while that I've recognized my hypomania while still in the throws of it. Usually I don't realize until I crash.
My brain is going a million miles an hour and I can't stop it... | self.bipolar |
Had chronic anxiety for as long as I can remember, still do. The only thing I have found that makes a noticeable difference is running. Ive been a cheek biter my whole life, felt numbness from my face to my fingers from an anxiety attack. But honestly, having been running for about 6 months now, I have never felt better. I still have anxiety, but noticeably less.
Not only does my body/brain feel healthier, but I gained a lot of confidence as my body started to look better.
Im sure you’ve heard this before, but so did I before i actually took running seriously. I run between 15-20 miles per week, and its genuinely fun now that I am more in shape. The first month sucked and I didn’t feel a difference, but just keep trying!
Oh and dont forget to stretch before and after each run! | self.Anxiety |
This weekend may very well be it I'm planning on getting a refill of my sleeping pills tomorrow. I'm going to use them so that when I throw myself into the river, I won't be able to resist drowning.
I just don't see any other way out. My thoughts are driving me insane telling me I hate my life and that I want to die. Without money, I can't get rid of them. Death truly is the only way to put an end to them at last. I just hope that this weekend I finally have the balls to put an end to my miserable life. | self.SuicideWatch |
So discouraged - I've worked so hard to live with my bipolar, but it's still damaging my life. I just graduated nursing school in December. On my licensure application, I had to disclose my diagnosis. Because of that, my application has to be reviewed more in-depth before it can be approved. The problem is that the review process can take anywhere from a few days to 6 months or more, and if my application isn't approved in the next couple weeks I lose my spot at my dream job. I worked so hard to get to stability after my hospitalization and stay stable throughout my program despite all the stress, and I haven't had a major episode in over 4 years (which I feel like is a long time considering I'm 24 and have only been diagnosed for 5 years). I'm scared this will derail my career and I can feel that fear threatening to send me into a spiral of self-destruction. | self.bipolar |
I don't think I have depression, but what else is it? [deleted] | self.depression |
Why am I bothering to live when I have incurable cancer? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
My parents found out... They found out about everything and that I’m suicidal and now I can’t even have my bedroom door closed or have my sleeves rolled down. | self.SuicideWatch |
My attitude is overwhelmingly based on the kind of media I consume. This seems to be how the world works.
I read a book over the weekend, 'Slowness' by Milan Kundera, and the theme, to me after a first time read, was that the possibility of an experience in an existence fundamentally and irreversibly changes that existence regardless of whether or not that experience occurs. I connected this to mindfulness. Be aware of what you can and cannot change and accept it. Do not begrudge the world for what it is, but move forward and live the life you want with the circumstances you are given.
I've spent the last year and a half pissed off that life isn't how I want it to be. I revel in my sour attitude. I think it puts me above the unenlightened masses who do not understand their plight; the frivolity of existence. I want to feel shitty and superior.
That's a bullshit way to go through life.
This book was a change of pace for me. I was home for the holidays from a city I didn't want to move to for a job served as the next step in a life I thought I could not escape. Instead of making the best of an admittedly not so bad situation (I have income, a means to pay off debt, new friends, and I am succeeding) I consume all kinds of media that reinforce what I think of my world. Depressing music, melodramatic films and movies, Reddit comments I disagree with (this hasn't changed hahah) and other similar escapes.
Leading up to reading this book I decided to check out some new music. Something a little deeper than "my life is hard and I'm depressed", and I felt better. That led me to reading this book. I felt even better. I went back to work after the holiday (today) and immediately fell back into my habit of sad tunes while working and noticed my familiar mood taking hold again.
I had a smoke outside after work. I started another book (again by Milan Kundera, good shit, check him out) and was halfway through a glass of wine. Good thinking vibes were all around.
I can't go back to a world I never lived in where we aren't assaulted by advertising and distractions at every turn. They shape who we are and how we feel. That's just how it is. I can, however, limit what I consume to things that benefit me, or at least don't make me feel like an undeserving piece of garbage. I need to take advantage of the things I cannot escape to improve my situation and to make me happy.
I hope this motivation lasts. I'll return to this if it doesn't. | self.offmychest |
My life was going well, then I fucked up my knee, and now despite my successful past of coping with mental health issues, I've lost a lot of my hope in life. I'm 19, and in August last year I got a meniscus removal for a tear I had. I kept going to places to figure out why it still hurts, and now, 8 months later, one possibility that I've heard is that I have another tear, or a tear that was originally there anyway. They're going in to fix it, but either way there's still a piece missing. Because of my knee, I don't go out much or walk a lot of long distances or get to the gym as much as I used to, and I now have a very different perspective on how easily humans can be "broken". As dumb as it may sound, mortality is kinda staring me down lately.
I had to cancel a job I got over the summer because I have to take a few months to heal on crutches. I'm staying with family, which I don't know how I feel about. But my real fear is that the surgery won't work, and I'll just keep getting worse. 19, unable to do all the other shit I used to do and that my 27 year old friends can do, hell, shit my Dad can do. Which is kinda why I think about killing myself, because maybe I'm already practically dead anyway? | self.SuicideWatch |
Feeling really anxious about this and don't know what to do. Need advice There's a local band playing at a small venue and I really want to go but it might be really awkward. Long story short I met a guy on tinder early this year and he introduced me to a lot of local bands. He stopped texting me couple of months ago and we both ghost each other on social media now. Two days ago I went to a concert for the first time and I saw him there with his friends. I felt bad for being there because he might have thought I was creepy or weird. I didn't bother him but we did make eye contact a few times and somehow we ended up awkardly standing next to each other. We said hi to each other, that's about it. Anyway I had a really fun time with everyone. It was wild and it was able to forget about the world for awhile.
Now I feel really nervous and anxious. Like I said there's another local band playing tomorrow and I want to go have fun but I know he'll be there with his friends again. Again he introduced those bands to me and I enjoy listening to them now. I have a knot in my stomach right now thinking about it. What if he thinks I'm stalking him or some creepy shit like that? I'm not going there to bother him. What do I do? I'm going alone so I hope that doesn't make me stand out. It's hard to pretend your strangers with someone when you used to have such a connection with them. You know? Do I just forget about the past and focus on the music?
I wish I could erase all our memories together from my mind like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Any advice or encouragement would be very appreciated. | self.offmychest |
Depression symptoms Hi! Because of my depression I've got chronic headaches, fatigue, problems with concentration, my thinking is slower, acne, lock-jaw and anxiety, no appetite, nothing can make me happy, no emotions at all. I'm a student and I'm worried about my lack of ability to learn and to function at all. Any advice or anything? I'm on meds since 4 months already but there's no improvement al all | self.depression |
It's not beautiful. It's killing me, that's what it's doing. Mixed race person here.
Please, please world, stop overly romanticizing, fetishizing, and generally stroking off interracial couples! It's driving me mad!
My parents are an interracial couple (ethnic mom-white father), and it seems like the whole world is painting this fairy-tale picture of the young beautiful ethnic girl, falling in love with the cute blond white guy next door. It's everywhere. In movies, television, books. And I know saying this makes me a heinous person, but it's making me sick. Ethnic girls aren't some prize for white guys to "rescue" and why should ethnic girls view white guys as being better than ethnic guys? I hate the fact that where I live this fad of going for white guys is catching on so much because its viewed as trendy and "hollywood".
Ethnic girls look right past me because I'm not white-enough for them. No, I don't have dreamy blue eyes, I don't have blond hair, and my skin isn't vanilla colored, but I still have value! I still want to love and be loved by someone. I'm not a thug, I'm not "gangster" I dress in a three-piece suit in college for crying out loud!
I have a career going for me, I'm intelligent enough to make the deans list every semester. I try to be engaging and care about what's going on with you. I ask questions, want you to talk about you and be comfortable where you are. I treat you with respect, but no! I'm not white, so I'm not dating material. I hate hate hate hate HATE this social handicap of being mixed race. White guys are just so much more desirable for ethnic women and white women. I'm tired of watching movies with the dashing white guy winning over ethnic women. I know I sound awful, but this is really getting under my skin! I want blond hair, blue eyes, white skin and features women find attractive! I hate being beige!
I'm tired of being passed over because ethnic girls want the thrill of dating a white guy. "It's about the contrast." They say. "It's beautiful" they say. But what about your children? Did you ever stop to think that their mom constantly saying that they think white guys are more attractive would make them start to view themselves as ugly and undesirable? That's what happened to me! You talk about how contrast is so great, well I don't contrast with anyone! I'm fucking beige colored! Having an ethnic mother who doesn't find ethnic guys attractive makes you feel like garbage. And I am garbage. Rage, rage rage is all I ever feel now. A girl I was going to ask out, an African American girl I was getting along well with, asked out a blond white guy, and didn't for a moment think that I was even interested in her in that way at all! If I had been blond and white like him, I'd have been able to go out with her. But I wasn't even on her radar because ethnic guys like me are just not as valued as those beautiful white guys.
I want to slit my fucking wrists.
I want to bleach my skin, dye my hair blond and get colored contacts, anything to not be me anymore.
I have no value as a mixed male in this society.
I hope I die in my sleep tonight. I hate being this ugly piece of unwanted filth. I'm ugly as hell and I hate it.
So world, please stop fetishizing mixed-race couples! By making white males the symbol of male attractiveness, people like me who don't even have one race feel like utter garbage. and it's ironic because my dad is white. My mom went out and married him because he was a handsome white guy, but me, I'm stuck being this ugly pot of mixed up paint that no one wants. I'm worthless! | self.offmychest |
The only reason I'm alive is to please the people around me. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Starting to have physical symptoms, don't know what to do [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
My death notice I've spent the day reading death notices, trying to pick one is a suicide. 'Died suddenly' is usually a giveaway, also when the family ask for donations to a mental health charity.
I wrote my own and have left it on my computer for when it's time.
It's time.
| self.SuicideWatch |
I'm Feeling Betrayed I don't know if I can trust her anymore. God, I don't know. It started a while ago. She was being noncommittal towards a mutual friend that wanted to be with her even though her and I had been dating for a while. They had been friends before I came into the picture, and the guy had wanted to kill himself years ago. She said that she was noncommittal because she thought he couldn't handle the rejection and spiral into suicidal thoughts. I found this out on my own. She didn't tell me this was happening. So even though I felt betrayed, I could see her point of view. She felt as if she would cause another spiral and no one needs that on their conscious. So we go off to college, and truth be told, I'm still feeling betrayed. I'm still hurt. This had been going on for months under my nose and they shared intimate details before I asked her to cut it off with the guy. We get here with an okay-sized friend group but she wants new friends (it's college, I understand it). So then, she meets a guy on her floor. He asks her to hang out with him. He didn't know we were together, it's cool. I ask her to tell him nah and that she was with someone. She was almost offended that I asked her to do that. I get upset because in my mind I see parallels of her again refusing to say no to a guy. We hash it out. Then, we go on fall break, and she needs the guy to feed her pet while we're away. They Snapchat all that weekend and when she comes back on Monday, he asks her to hang out again. She tells me this and that she'd bring friends along so it wouldn't be the two of them alone. I get upset because this guy keeps asking her to hang out and she doesn't want to shut him down. I'm okay with her having guy friends, but just as long as they're friends. We have this huge fight over it where she can't see why I'd be upset at her Snapchatting him all weekend and then wanting to hang out with him when he asks (and he was asking for just the two of them). And finally tonight, after knowing how uncomfortable it makes me, she comes back late from an event and I find the two of them talking, alone in the quiet hall lobby. It's been at least an hour and she's got an early morning class that she doesn't like to miss. I'm probably blowing things out of proportion but I still feel hurt that she won't consider how uncomfortable I am with this. And what stings is that I texted her twice asking where she was because it was late and she didn't pick up the phone to tell me while she was talking to the guy. It just stings so bad that she's making feel unwanted. We have great chemistry and we love each other but I feel like she won't admit to herself that maybe she doesn't want me anymore. | self.offmychest |
Moving on Our memory doesn't hurt me
Seeing you doesn't hurt me
But seeing you haapy with simeone else, makes me feel empty
This emptiness hurts me
| self.depression |
Long Term Health effects of Anxiety Hello everyone,
I'm a 10 year sufferer of anxiety disorder, have had acute anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder since I was 18. I've noticed some health problems that have cropped up that seem to be intricately tied to my anxiety. I get heart arrhythmias and severe bloating, two things I never suffered from before I had anxiety. The bloating is centered on my diaphragm, where it feels it puts pressure on my heart.
These symptoms have made my life as of now almost impossible to really carry out. Moving is painful and sleep is problematic. But one things I've notices is that each time I get one of these symptoms it almost always accompanies anxiety afterward. I wonder to myself if it is possible that having years of acute anxiety disorder has caused some long term health effects?
So I wanted to ask my fellow redditors, do you experience gastro problems or cardiac issues along with your anxiety? Do you feel they are connected? I imagine I cannot be the only one going through this, an I'd love to hear from all of you. | self.Anxiety |
Just popped my inpatient cherry Went in early Wednesday morning, got out maybe half an hour ago. I feel much better, and finally got a prescription for Latuda that my insurance will cover because it was rx’d during my inpatient stay.
I went in for suicidal intent, won’t go into details but I was saying goodbyes when my boyfriend (thank god) told me I was either going by choice or by ambulance. I signed myself in, but on the condition that he drive me to the hospital ~1 1/2 away because it has the best reputation in my area.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with a bunch of problems (boyfriend lost job, couldn’t pay rent so got evicted, found out my drivers license was suspended when I got pulled over and charged, couldn’t drive anymore so had to take public transit to work which took 4 hours each way, made it impossible to take my night meds or I wouldn’t/couldn’t wake up for the work commute on time). I’m going back on disability for the third time this past year, but that will give me time to figure everything out, get my license back, and take meds regularly.
I thought of all of you often, this sub has been a lifeline just reading all of your stories. If you’re feeling bad, REALLY bad, or ready to make a bad decision.....not to be cliché, but it does get better. Don’t be afraid to take the steps necessary to take care of yourself. | self.bipolar |
Going to a psychiatrist tomorrow I hope medications work in how to hwlp the position im in | self.SuicideWatch |
Held a gun to my chest the other day. Felt nothing. Nothing I do in life is never enough. It's been a "joke" that my life always has an asterisk. Here's a decent paying job* You're going to be treated like shit by the owners kids, and be blamed for the owners nephew doing heroin in the bathroom, you can also never have time off. I left the company. 3 months later they started being closed Saturdays and cleared house of all the shit heads in the company. I moved to a new company for less hours, less commute, but less pay. Wife left me for another guy a few years ago because I got depressed I was with her for nearly 14 years. The girl I started seeing, who has mood swings and is now depressed from dealing with me, just bought a house and I moved in with her* House had a known water leak that the owner didn't disclose, fixed the leak and got rid of all the mold. Coldest day of the year so far, furnace breaks and have no heat.
There is so much more to the story, but why fucking bother. I was sitting on my bed about a week ago after I got yelled at that I don't do anything, I keep a loaded gun in the nightstand, I pulled the gun out and held it to my heart. I didn't feel scared. I felt ready.
I don't have money to afford a furnace, I keep putting myself in more debt. I drag everyone down with me. I'll buy the furnace and make sure the guy gets paid, then I could kiss all the stress and everything away. She would be happier, everyone around me would be better off. I figured heart would be best, I know my mom would want an open casket. | self.SuicideWatch |
Its not an excuse I hate hate hate hate the excuse, Oh Im just not good at computers. This is the age of information, most of EVERYTHING involves the use of some kind of computer. There is NO excuse to ignorance. And if you dont get it, you need to take the time to learn! I cant stand it, especially when I see a fully grown adult, have someone just work a computer for them. It makes me crazy. I get it, computers can be difficult, and Im not saying someone should be a total master about all functions or parts. Just basic, day to day bullshit.
Because when there is so much info out there on how to do, anything really, saying Im just not good at it, says to me, Im not willing to take responsibility and learn about something.
Ugh. Im done. | self.offmychest |
I make dramas because I get anxiety and I need advice on how to change that [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
It would just be so much easier to end it I just don't think I'm cut out for this world. I have absolutely zero resilience in any way and I'm so lost. I feel as if I have no more chances left. I have to find a job but I have no car. I don't have any money or a way to make money because I have no skills. I just don't know where to start, where to look, or who to trust anymore. I just can't see how I will ever be successful. Things aren't going to just change either. Everyone likes to say things get better and life changes unexpectedly but I just don't see how any of that could possibly be true. I might as well just end it. I certainly talk enough about it. Doesn't make death any less scary, but death being scary isn't exactly reason enough to stay alive either. I have no confidence for the future or any reason to be. All I can really forsee is greater hardships down the road. Rationally, the only things that could really change in my life are bad things, and that really shows how much farther I have to fall. Sometimes I wonder how my brothers are doing. They haven't had to face the real world yet but they definetely won't be able to without help. I wish I could help but I can't even help myself. Maybe someone will offer them some opportunities they can make into careers, idk. I hope. I hope they learn about the predatory nature of the world and how to survive it. It's a harsh world. A cold world. I can't face the responsibility to just deal with it like everyone else. I'm trash. | self.depression |
Just got placed on academic probation and i might kill my self after the holidays. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
i want to come off of seroquel Hey guys, I was prescribed 50mg quetiapine roughly two months ago (along with 1mg clonazepam as needed).
When the quetiapine was prescribed to me, I was in a really bad state. I had trouble eating, and I couldn't sleep without waking up multiple times. I lost about 15 lbs in a week's time frame. I was convinced that I was dying, and that threw me into a really dark place. I had so many crying spells, and even questioned the existence of a higher power (I'm loosely an atheist, but prefer to call myself agnostic). I'd also recently just recovered from what I gather was the flu. I was laid up for about 3 days, but it took weeks to fully recover. That played a role in all of that. I had some stressful stuff happening around the time as well. It was a mess, to make a long story short.
After a few weeks, I started to improve. I was sleeping and eating, and I gained my weight back. I had blood work done, and got back glowingly positive results back. I've found myself getting out more, trying to push my anxiety. I suffer from severe panic disorder and agoraphobia, but I'm not totally housebound. All seems well for the most part, but I still feel like I could find myself in a hole again.
All of that said, I don't want to keep taking this drug. I'm worried about it causing permanent brain damage. I've noticed my coordination hasn't been normal recently. One example is my typing. I generally type very fast and mostly error free, like 90 wpm without errors. Lately, I've been making more typos than usual. It hasn't helped at all with the feeling of derealization, and I still have panic attacks. I do seem a lot more "grounded", but I don't know if the medication has much at all to do with it.
Have any of you taken this drug before, for severe anxiety? What has your experience been? I'd really love some insight from you guys, and also figure out a more logical direction. I've considered trying an antidepressant, but I'm hesitant. | self.Anxiety |
I wish I could have never existed. Let me preface this by saying I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die. I don't want to hurt myself. That just takes the problems I have right now and selfishly shoves them to my friends and family.
But I wish I'd never been born. I wish I could go be un-born. I wish a genie would ask me for three wishes so I could say "solve world hunger. Eliminate painful death. Make it so I never existed."
And the most incredibly frustrating thing is from the outside looking at my life, I have it made by most standards. Office job. 75k salary. Beautiful girlfriend. But I just hate living. It's so exhausting. Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Eagerly await tomorrow. And I've always felt this way. I hated school. I hated university. I hate work. I hate the monotony of just putting one foot in front of the other until I keel over in 60 years or whatever.
I've tried hobbies. I've tried exercise. I've tried therapy. I used to think the whole 9 to 5 job thing just wasn't for me, but I'm realizing it's just life. Life isn't for me. And I feel so selfish for it. There are people that I'm sure look at me and what I have and wish they were me. And I wish they were me, too and that I just weren't. I'm just fundamentally unhappy for absolutely no reason.
Thanks for reading. | self.depression |
Got into a trouble at prom So first thing to say is that it was my fault. I got drunk a spilled wine on one girls table and ruined her cake (all of us got cake with their name on it, it took long time to make) . Off course i apogized but when her boyfriend (bodybuilder/boxer) came he started to yell at me for ruining her place and her cake, i dont remember much of what i said to him but i was making up some excuses (i later found out he was so angry because he thought i vomited on their place and not just spilled wine) I then went outside to sit on the stairs and i saw him coming too and some girls were calming him, he later got there and we started to argue again, i saw in him that he wanted to fight me but it ended up with him leaving.
The prom was near its end and my mood was ruined so i just left. I felt shitty for ruining the ending of prom for them but i dont understand why they got so angry over an accident.
I also feel bad that i was yelled at and i didnt yell back. I was just trying to calm the situation and i know i did the right thing but i cant help it but to fell like a less of a man by letting him yell at me and doing nothing (I usually dont let people say shit to me). But on the other hand i was the one who started it and i should not decided to sit on her place while i was drunk i knock over the wine and fuck up her cake...
Im also terribly anxious about going to school tommorow, im afraid she will start the argument again. Her bf is not going to same school (he probably has a job and is not a student) but i worry about him going to meet me after school, he was incredibly angry at me the prom. I know how to fight and i always carry a knife (which i never want to use) but he is like 6 foot 5 and bodybuilder/boxer. Do you think they will keep thinking about this tommorow or is it forgotten already ?
| self.Anxiety |
I don't know what to do. It all started in six grade. A kid randomly started to say that I was stupid and started to blame things that he did on me. This would go on until he moved or something. Then it went to seventh grade. I used to be in sped classes and I finally got out of them. But then I started to fail math, and I was instantly put back in without a choice. Kids found out and I was started to be called stupid. Which I didn't really care about. Then it reached the people who I thought were my friends. They started to call me Billy Wonka because I showed them a video about a kid named Billy getting bullied or something a year beforehand. Then after they got over that they called me gay and then fat and then retard. Then it got to the point where I can't focus on my grades and I started to fail Langued Arts and Science. Then I was forced to meet with my teachers after school and in homeroom. I didn't want to do it cause then I would seem more stupid. then the verbal taunts became physical at sleepovers they would steal my phone and lock it out. they would make dares to punch me. They would spit, punch, and kick me. there was even a time when they shot me with an airsoft gun close range. At school, it wasn't any better. At lunch and during bake sales they would steal food I bought. shut my locker so I would be late. exclude me. tell me to not sit at there table cause I'll infect them. Then said that I'm a horrible person because I used to make some jokes that weren't the safest for work. But always made jokes like that to me. spread rumors. They made fun of my lisp and then the gym. In gym class, they would call me CPAM which basically meant "Aids Monkey". Then I would crack, sometimes cry and they would call me a baby. I would sometimes talk to my mom about it but if they ever found out then they would call me a pussy for telling on them. I've talked about this to them many times and they don't care and I can't leave because then I won't even have anyone to talk to. This meant that I stopped showing up to those after school teachers meeting which deeply effects my grades and I'm just disappointing my parents and my teachers now. I have no chance in life it feels like and I just can't do anything about it. I've never told my parents about my feeling because they think its because of youtube or something. It just seems like I can't exist and then it would be better. | self.SuicideWatch |
If I Know You On some days when you wake up, there's this feeling like something's caught up with you. It could be any number of things. For me it's been the same thing. Eyes open after a weird dream, and the disappointment settles in. Immediately the first thing to recall is this cheap advise someone offered me once; "The person you are right now in this moment is made of all the best pieces from your last breaking point. You're always better now than before"
I loathe that advise. Can't seem to forget it, though and it's left this almost. phantom limb syndrome going. Like there's physical parts missing. Parts only felt in the morning when alarms go off and REM theaters close for the night.
There comes a point where you star to ask yourself questions of reason. Why do you still have all these playlists full of music you can't listen to? Why do you do things like this? Why do you try so hard to ignore it? With people in your life, why can't you talk about this? How many times are you going to make a sour face and sigh anytime someone sells your store a copy of literally any SSX game? How many times will you be just like Dante and complain about how it's not your job to be on the register and how you should be training new hires because blah blah blah? How many times are you going to write these messages and delete them?
Woke up feeling a little too short off the top and couldn't ignore it. Contemplated which song to use to get this message across because this started after listened to that rippy Jack White song where he's whining about this girl in a bar that can't see him. But I picked two of them. One to make this deceleration and use of a barely clever throwaway worth it, and one to let you know that I'm waiting for the world to be on fire.
Just needed to do something instead of staying quiet this time. No harm done, right Sakurai?
PS: Don't let me catch that Xiaoyu in da skreets. | self.offmychest |
Failed first semester community college, is it too late to get my life on track? Cant say i’m actually diagnosed with depression but I can say that i failed community college first semester because I had a huge lack of
motivation in the beginning and missed like half the first semester... is it too late for me to lead a successful life? | self.depression |
I feel inferior. I've never had a friend, or anyone I could relate to. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm so socially-stupid. I don't understand how people socialize so well. Meanwhile, I probably can't even get my facial expressions, body movements, or tone right. I just seem to react the wrong way to everything apparently.
I talk to myself, make random weird facial expressions, and I can't handle emotions well (they feel intense, so I block them so I feel nothing). I can't even form my own personality. I'm not passionate or consistent, so I'm usually bored because I have 0 interests.. Fitting in is impossible. I'm always the weird one. I'm starting to socially withdraw, which sucks cause I need a part time job. But ik I'll just breakdown, and quit. I just wish I was more normal. | self.depression |
im a liar i have lied to my family and i don't want to live past the blowback. I tried to make things work and fix the lie but sometimes you can't fix a lie it is just a lie. | self.SuicideWatch |
Don’t know the rules. Have so much to live for. But don’t care if I wake up tomorrow. | self.SuicideWatch |
I think I know something awful Before I start typing, I know this is going to be a wall of text, I'm sorry, but I think I need to tell the whole story to get this off my chest.
I've come to think that my ex-wife's father is evil, or so deeply troubled that it's indistinguishable from evil. Obviously, since this is the father of my ex, my motives are suspect in expressing this. But let me say, I've never had a bad interaction with him, this is something that I've come to think from information that I've learned over the years.
If I could start at the beginning; my ex's father (let's call him George) was in prison when I first met my ex. For the first few months that we dated, my ex (let's call her Jill) avoided any discussion of her father. Jill just said that he was in Oregon, and hadn't seen him in a while. Gradually, as we got closer, Jill told me that her father had troubles with the law, that he was in jail. At first, she said it was for writing bad checks, after months she told me that he was in because he'd been convicted of molesting a three year old girl, the daughter of the woman that he'd been dating. She hadn't told me this earlier, because George didn't do it- there had been a bad break-up, a low-class ex that wanted to get revenge. Over the ten years of our marriage, I learned that Jill had a pattern of slowly leaking out truth of uncomfortable situations.
Jill had a bad childhood. Her mother was an alcoholic and her father was a drug addict. She told me that she remembered her father driving her and her younger brother around town to the back door of restaurants to beg for dinner after they'd closed. Every place that she'd lived (many) had been left in the middle of the night after her parents had written a last bad check for past-due rent. Any money that the parents made was spent at the corner that had the liquor store or the one that had the dealer.
I found some of this history from her appealing, it made her more attractive to me that she had overcome this upbringing to be as sweet and caring as she was. Anyway, back to George, he was in prison for three years and was really pushing for a relationship with Jill when he got out. She seemed accepting of that, and told me that until he left when she was fourteen, he had been a great dad. But also, that she didn't remember anything before she was about 10 years old, probably because of her traumatic up-bringing.
George was released from prison, and got a job driving a tow truck. Right around then, Jill and I married, her father couldn't come to the wedding, but her mother was trying to get sober, so everything was good. We drove to Oregon a few times to visit George.
Two years into our marriage, Jill got pregnant. When we got the sonogram, we learned that we would be having a daughter. Shortly after learning that, late one night, my wife told me that she believed the child abuse accusation against her father. That when she was young, she'd been playing with George's computer and had found pornographic pictures of young girls. She told me that she would have friends over to her house, and they weren't able to come back. George loved giving them all baths. I didn't make the connection between this and missing memories, it was so shocking that I didn't think about how old they must have been.
It's hard for me to think back on this and understand why I let us continue a relationship with George. Jill said that he had brain surgery, and she thought that it had changed him. She believed that the danger from him was long gone. We continued to visit him in Oregon, with my daughter when she was born and later my second daughter.
Reformed or not, I was careful to make sure that George was never alone with my daughter. I felt guilty about it, but I did notice that whenever she would go out of sight - to play with dolls in a back bedroom, to look for a stuffed animal downstairs, to visit with the cats; George was quick to follow.
There's a long gap in the evidence in this story. Jill and I were married for almost 10 years, it was mostly good. We never fought. Raised our daughters, and visited George and his new wife a few times a year. George and new wife (Karen) moved to our state, they had trouble finding a place because of George's history, but Karen had a friend that had a family and a house with extra room for them.
Shortly they moved in with Karen's friend, the friend's husband died, leaving Karen, George and her friend in the house with the friend's two pre-teen daughters. Jill didn't seem to have much desire for regular interaction with her dad. We would meet up a couple of times a year, it seemed that everyone was getting along well.
Jill and I met with George and Karen two times during the last couple of years of our marriage, but I would hear bits of news about them. One sad bit of news was that the friend of Karen's also died, but George and his wife were taking care of the kids while they tried to find some family, and were still living in the wife's friend's house.
One of the last times that we met was for a barbecue. When George was getting the younger of the two girls out of the car, she had an accident and urinated in her pants. The girl was about 10 years old, and I remember feeling so sorry for her with her huge wet spot on her jeans. George and his wife said that she had that problem regularly, and George took her under his arm and walked off out of our hearing to talk to her. When they came back, she was quieter and in my memory, ashen.
The last time that we met with George and his wife, it was just Jill and I. We had a bit of wine, and I asked Karen how she was handling her friend's death (they had been close, but this was maybe a year later). She told me that it had been tough for her, but maybe even tougher for George - though he didn't know them so well. He had been home alone with each of them and had found them when they died.
The husband had overdosed on his heart medicine and passed without anyone knowing. The wife had wanted to talk to George, about something important. She seemed very concerned and George set a time to go talk to her when Karen was out shopping, so that she wouldn't miss him. He never got to have the conversation, because when he went up at the appointed time, she had died in her chair in front of the tv. The coroner said that if he had been a little earlier, he might have been able to contact an ambulance.
TLDR; So, what do I know? Nothing. But what do I think? I think George molested my ex and her friends, I think he went on to molest that three year old girl. I think when he moved in with Karen's friend, he molested her daughter. I think Karen's friend may have found out or suspected something and maybe he even killed her. Maybe even the husband earlier. | self.offmychest |
This is what my mental illness looks like Imagine having dreams, goals…hell, a simple to-do list. Now imagine being at the bottom of a 50 foot well and through a small hole at the surface, watching everyone else pursue their dreams, accomplish their goals, and tend to their day-to-day life. This is what my mental illness looks like.
[Stepping Slowly](onelongclimb.wordpress.com) | self.bipolar |
Does anyone else know their triggers Mine seems to be being ignored or when I have reason to believe i might be abandoned by someone | self.depression |
I am losing my mind... It’s 4:45 AM and I can’t sleep. I know what this means. I had a (hypo)manic episode two weeks ago. But this feels different. I feel wired.. like I want to do laundry, or prepare for my final, or read, or blah blah..
But I can’t. I can’t leave my bed. I’m paralyzed by it. I’m completely overwhelmed at the thought. It feels sinister. Unwanted. Although I don’t think I’m depressed? What is this? This is not the mania I’ve come to almost enjoy. I want to pull my hair out. My fiancé’s snoring is driving me INSANE.
What do I do.. is this normal? Anyone else ever experience this? I recently added Vraylar to my cocktail, and I thought I was feeling better. I feel trapped in my head. I feel like I am suffocating. I want to self harm.. which I haven’t done since I was in prison.
Any thoughts would be nice.
Bipolar II
Meds: Lithium, Zoloft (been on this for a decade almost), Lamictal, Vraylar | self.bipolar |
Life Insurance So...I am desperately trying to find a company who will give me ANY form of life insurance that covers stuff like cancer. They'll give me accidental death, sure I'll get that but my husband lost someone to cancer and she never got it because of "depression". It's like we have some sort of horrible disfigurement or something.
Has anyone successfully been approved for life insurance? My work only covers $10,000 and I'm not even sure that covers the damn ride to the morgue.
My background: Diagnosed 2011. Been on medication and stable since 2014. Attempted suicide in 2014 but stable after that. I just don't want to leave my husband screwed!!!
Edit: I do not plan on ending my own life. This is for my husband's protection from my death resulting in natural causes or accidents. | self.bipolar |
I'm really stressed out because I have every unpopular opinion on the planet Or at least, more than the regular person. Why does everything I liked as a kid end up being the most hated thing online?
I liked the Star Wars prequels
My favorite Pokemon starter was Bulbasaur
I live in New Jersey, commonly called the worst state
I liked math class the most in school, later to find out its the most hated class
My favorite part of Dragon Ball Z was the Buu arc, now I realize its the most hated arc
And just recently, I realized that my favorite Christmas song is the most hated one online! (Paul Mccartneys "Wonderful Christmas Time")
So yeah all of this combined made me crazy about people opinions. When my opinion doesn't align with the popular one I lose my mind. And I have to search through thousands of comments obsessively to get an idea of what people like.
But why me? Does anyone else have THIS many unpopular opinions? Does it even matter? Its not gonna kill me or harm me!
Guys, this might seem like nothing, but I'm actually really stressed about this, so please let me know if it matters or not. I feel like I've been cursed... | self.offmychest |
Deja vu Does anyone else experience a lot of deja vu when manic? It's one of the signs that I can recognize in myself to tell that I'm getting manic or am manic. It seems a few times every day I experience a very very strong feeling of deja vu, to the point where I have a very hard time not falling into delusions revolving around them, and eventually I do.
I just want to know if it's just me. | self.bipolar |
[NAW] I am a teenager and I feel like a weak failure and I hate myself a lot but I also don't hate myself. Conflicted. Been feeling this way for a while. I am so insecure (not about my looks but about every other thing pffff) and I feel like a terrible thing. I feel thar my personality isn't that great because I can kinda be perceptive, and this angers me a little since I always feel that I am not 100% genuine like other people.
My friends tell me that am great and all, but I feel that they don't mean it. Even though I fucjing know that they do, I tell myself they are lying.
Then, when this makes me feel lonely, I start to hate myself even more cuz... ya know I feel fucjing weak. "Why do I need to be loved? Why am I this insecure? Pathetic."
To make matters worse, I can't compensate for my terrible, horrible, disgusting, weak personality with school. I am pretty average, and if I study well I get OK marks, but I fucking despise studying, and I have no idea if I am good enough to study what I kinda wish to study later on. I have no idea what to do in the future, and I am scared of losing all my friends... I don't want to end up being lonely...
Few days prior I had an emotional break down from the stress and ended up sharing my feelings to my friends who were very supportive, and instead of feeling better, it made me feel more anxious and weak.
Pleass tell me I am a terrible human being.
I am disgusting.
Yet, despite all this, I don't want to die... I thini about it, and I imagine that maybe dying would relief me, but then I think how it will just be running away from my problems pfffff. I also don't hate living itself to want to die. Sooopp yeah don't tell me dying is a better option.
I don't know where to seek help exactly... I feel really lost, uncertain, vulnerable and conflicted... I hate myself, but I also don't.... I feel like the world is reaaally badly made. There are so many things that anger me in this world...
ISIS. SYRIA. RELIGION. ECONOMIC SYSTEMS. TRUMP. AAAAAAAARGH. SO FUCJING UNFAIR.... AND EVERYBODY IS A HYPOCRITE... WHY IS THAT??? EVEN I MYSELF AM A HYPOCRITE, AND THIS MAKES ,E HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE.
Pro help won't help. Tried it, and all they did was counsling, and I have already searched on ways to 'lovs myself more'.
Argh.
Argh.
Anime and manga are really my only companion. I can get lost in those worlds and it helps sometimes to 'numb' my pain.
It makes me feel even worsw to remember that some people in Syria suffered more than I am suffering now. It makes me feel guilty... I am at least safe in this country, and l'État helps a lot those in needs (us). My life isn't so bad... why am I so ungrateful???
Aaaaaah.
TL;DR: I feel lonely, conflicted, angry, ungrateful brat, anxious, uncertain, weak. | self.offmychest |
Experienced a panic attack like Ive never had before Im a person who rarely has anxiety attacks, maybe 5 in my life time, today being one of them. It was so.. Weird. I couldn't stop crying and it felt so painful emotionally and physically as the tears came out.
On top of this I instantly started to lose my breath and I had pretty severe breathing problems for around 5 minutes. It took me probably 15-20 minutes to get back to normal breathing though.
Shortly after my head started hurting too, and I feel as if I have a slight migraine right now, which is a few hours after this happened.
*grammar | self.Anxiety |
Anxiety conquering me this holiday break Im 24 years old, working for 2 and a half years and during this holiday break I had colds and cough due to several work trips. Then after having colds which is exactly the start of the holiday break my anxiety came back thinking that I might have serious illness, then for a week now I experience various physical sensations with my body. Help me, I’m getting crazy googling every sensation I’m having during the week and associating it with serious illnesses.
I took Rivotril and Exulten for almost a year which started on 2016 but eventually stopped when I felt okay. Then after a while (3-4 months) anxiety kept coming back. Sometimes worse, sometimes manageable but during this holiday break it felt terrible, just can’t handle it. Just staying at home, became socially detached, just laying down googling and googling for assurance.
How can I battle this? | self.Anxiety |
Going through a Divorce - Wife using BPD to prove I'm crazy - Need Suggestions I'll try to keep this as brief as possible although i fear it might not be.
I've been with my wife for 11 years and we have always had issues. We actually split up once some time ago and saw other people, but she begged me to come back, and although I was very happy in my other relationship I still went back.
Fast forward a year and she's left me. After four months of her not saying a word to me, although I did try to talk to her and get her into counseling which she has always refused, I went ahead filed for divorce. I did this for a few reasons, the primary being she was verbally (called me names) emotionally (ignored or dismissed my concerns) and physically abusive (she used to hit me a lot, once with a baseball bat). For the record I never hit her. I did restrain her or push her off of me, but it was only to stop the attacks. One time I was huddled down in the fetal position and she was punching me as hard as she could in back of the head. I realized if I didn't stop it I was going to black out. I'm a very large, very strong man, so I restrained her till she calmed down and stopped. Most of these attacks were in front of my children. She is also a long time drug user. All drugs. I am to, but quit a long time ago preferring to live a sober life. My last relapse was six months ago when she left me. I drank. It's been years since I've done drugs. I have not had a drink since the relapse and have no desire to.
When I filled the divorce I filed a very simple custody / child support divorce. No personal attacks, no history. I have no need for revenge, or to ruin her life. In reciprocation she filed that I was mentally unstable and should have no access to the kids. As stated in the title I'm BPD, and I have an anxiety disorder. I have been hospitalized a few times, all the direct recommendation of my doctor. All for manic episodes that happened while on my medication. She also accused of being a drug addict. I did have a relapse when she left me, drank for a few days, and haven't touched it sense. She currently uses drugs, grows marijuana, and her mother who my kids are living with has been censured by her regulatory agency for failing a drug test and almost lost her license to practice her job. It took a lot of time and money (some of which I provided) to keep her license intact.
She is also telling my kids things that no kid should know, like I'm crazy, so I had to have a discussion with my 10 year old over what bipolar was, how it affected me, and what to do if she ever felt it was happening to her. It was positive conversation, but since my wife was a stay at home mom while I worked to support the house, they believe everything she says and has a tendency to dismiss me a liar which their mother told them I am. My kids knows from experience with my I do not lie. In fact quite the opposite I'm brutally honest.
Onto the point. I've been seeing a Doc for over two years. I've been in the hospital several times while medicated (I didn't stop taking my meds and had an issues, they just stopped working), I see a therapist, I'm a member of many support groups for people going through divorce and who have BPD. I'm assuming the financial burden she acquired under my name since she couldn't qualify for credit and I've almost got it paid off.
Any suggestions on anything else I could be doing to lessen the accusation of me being crazy? Anything I'm missing? I haven't had a manic episode in five months now, and I believe it was he leaving me that triggered it. I assume all responsibilities for my actions, but she's just bad for me.
The court also want me to take drug and parenting classes, although as previously stated I don't do drugs, she does. I have offered to test as often a they would like for as long a they would like to prove my sobriety. I should also mention that while initially separated a court order was put in place which she has violated many many times with no consequences.
It honestly feels I'm about to be punished for something I can't control, that I'm actively, and have been actively working at, and that she is going to get away with everything. I'm not a vengeful man, so if it happens it happens, but I will spend every lasy dollar I make to keep access to my children.
Thoughts? | self.bipolar |
I can't talk to my therapist for a couple of weeks and just need some help First time posting, long time viewing sooooo fuck it. (Genuinely sorry if I am doing this incorrectly)
I want to express myself accurately and fully for both of our conveniences. So I'll start with the clifts notes on the overarching issues, then I'll talk about the issues being discovered, and some history on my life (abbridged I promise).
For starters this year has easily been the worst in my life. Like, horrible. Worse than the first year I tried to kill myself. I was sexually assaulted at the start of the year, to then have a good friend of mine commit suicide in the heat of Summer, and -finally- my best friend's dad died of a severe heart attack a few months ago. Funny enough, my friend is dealing with it much better than I am (or so I perceive).
Moving on to the matters at hand. All these delightfully traumatic events have caused many, many, many things to be jumbled up and broken; as is expected. This, of course, also plays to my depression which has been my faithful bully throughout my life since my parents divorced. So, my brain don't work none too good and my drive to cause change, as well as my confidence, is none existent. However, this has awoken something in my that has never been there before. A heightened awareness of how messed up I am as person. I always tried to be in touch with the person underneath my skin and bones, but I discovered an astronomical amount of anxiety. Like a metric fuck ton of bullshit anxiety that must have been festering in the nether corners of my mind. This was weird because I was always the first person to make a fool of themself for others enjoyment. That stemmed from me wanting to make as many people as I can laugh before I inevitably offed myself. But now my sucidal thoughts are obliterated since the first death and seeing how that effected their family. (I'm rambling, shit sorry) point is, I have all this fucking social anxiety now which pairs with my low self-esteem that tells me I'm not good enough for any type of affection from friends, family, or love interests. Shit, it's been almost two years since I've been in a relationship. I feel like I'm disappointing my family and making it hard to be around my friends since I can't muster the energy to act like the entertaining self I like to be. My sex drive has been completely dormant now too but I still get plenty of pressure to date and have copious amounts of stupid sex with people that don't mean anything in my life since I'm young and, "that's what I 'ot to do," because, "I'm going to regret it later."
Fuck that paragraph took a while, and I'ma still be a dick and not edit it down because I'm lazy. Sorry. I kinda dipped into the backstory of myself already but I will add this. I fucking hate myself and I'm convinced I always will. But I've usually been able to, cathartically, use my emotions to cry it out or whatever is necessary to feel better in the moment. Now my emotions are gone. Like, gone. And the only thing left to "comfort" me is all this anxiety. I do still feel my depression that's been around forever but it comes in waves. Anxiety is now always there. And I fuggin hate it. | self.Anxiety |
Feel like my best friend who has a boyfriend is getting really flirty with me lately [deleted] | self.offmychest |
Just when i thought it couldnt get any worse. [deleted] | self.depression |
So worried no one will ever love me, maybe I should try to date bipolar [deleted] | self.bipolar |
How can I help my SO? My SO suffers from depression. He never got diagnosed, but it's something he feels, it's how he is. He doesn't have a therapist nor is he interested in one. I don't want to say he doesn't try to help with his depression, but sadly, it looks like he doesn't put in much effort. I know he does do some things, but for the most part..I guess he's just accepted who he is and he is just waiting to die. I don't know what to do. I try to make sure he's in situations that he wants to be in and make sure he has what he needs and/or wants. He can be quite stubborn and not say what he wants. I think I have a good idea what he wants because I know him, I read his body language, and it's just his whole attitude. Then I'll try to remove him from such situations and I'll say, "let's go, you don't want to be here," he'll respond with, "I don't want to be anywhere. I don't want to be alive." Sorry for rambling, it's impossible for me to be concise.
Things he says:
-I hate everything
-I wish I was dead
-I don't have anything
-i (me, OP) ruined his life bc i prevented him from killing himself
If something makes him upset, he says, "I could be DEAD right now, but instead I'm here having to live with this"
I try to make sure he's happy, and he has even told me not to try, it's not going to work, but other times he tells me I don't even try, I don't care, I piss him off. He's mostly angry, and that's how he deals with his depression, or that's how he expresses it. He tells me I have a fuck you attitude when he expresses an emotion. I'm certain I'm not like that because my MAIN focus is "make him happy." But what do I know? I could be wrong! If he says I'm doing this, I don't want to call him a liar. I just want to be better. Can anyone help me help him?
I know the way I write is a mess. You can ask me questions. I just want to know if anyone else like this? How can I help? I neeed help. | self.depression |
Is my depression keeping me out of a relationship or is my depression lowering my self-esteem so much that i think I’m too disgusting to be in one? The world may never know. | self.depression |
I wasn't invited to Thanksgiving. So Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful for me. As far as I knew, nobody was doing anything. My sister went to a local community meal. I had to work (holiday pay, hell yeah!).
Well, the next day, my sister calls me saying that our brother brought leftovers for both of us. I should be thankful, I really should. But the thought creeps into my mind. Why wasn't I invited? They can bring me leftovers but can't invite me to their house? WTF did I do?
And what did my sister do? Or did they get invited and bring me leftovers and they're lying to me?
I think the only reason I got leftovers is that I posted on Facebook that it was Thanksgiving and all I had was ramen. | self.offmychest |
I just told off my old boss so now it's time to figure out the source. Did he trigger my mania, was telling him off a symptom of my mania or am I just in a supremely good mood because I just told off my boss??? Is it combination? Also I'm so glad I got to tear into him though so I'd like to give a shout to the quantum orientation that put me in this particular world of the many worlds available. Dreams do come true, shout out the the pears. | self.bipolar |
I've got a thing for East Asians and I'm displeased with myself. There's this girl online for whom I have strong feelings for (partially reciprocated, closest thing to a partner each of us has ever had). But we have never seen each other. All I know is she's of East Asian descent. And for the last few months I have developed this weird attraction to just East Asian people in general (I'm so, so, sorry) of both sexes and any age (I think East Asian babies are the cutest thing ever and old ladies and men seem lovely).
And it's really driving me insane
It used to be that East Asian people were just people and I had no feelings about them whatsoever. But now, it's this weird thing where they're not just people, but “East Asian people” and there's always this lingering thought that won't go away. A weird fascination, obsession or fetish with everything East Asian, including physical appearance, culture, language, food, traditions...And with a sexual subramification (this time limited to girls my age). Now, I don't have any sort of relationship or even interact with any East Asians other than this girl, since there aren't many East Asians where I live, so maybe that could have something to do with it and contribute to the fascination?
It's really bothering me because it feels racist. I would never treat anyone differently based on their race or think of them differently, but I still have this feeling trying to force me to do so.
And it feels misogynistic and objectifying too. As if I were the kind of old lonely western white man that used money to get a wife from a poor SE Asian country to be his wife and his possession. But I'm not like that and I don't want to be like that.
I went out last night and there was this East Asian girl dancing and wearing an East Asian dress and I found it really, really hard not to look at it, not to be attracted to it. And I don't think (memory is hazy, NYE, I had too much to drink) I cared about her personal appearance at all, just her “East Asian” aura that predated her individuality. It's a form of objectifying. And I don't want to be like this. But I can't help it, it won't go away.
I was just thinking maybe if I saw the face of my friend, or we got together it would go away. Or if I didn't have her in my life anymore... But no, I don't think so. I think this thing was caused by her (indirectly and unintentionally) but is now independent from her. :/
I've never felt this way for any group of people before. And I believe *rationally* and *philosophically* that all people are equal yet I *feel* different regarding East Asians. And I know it's wrong, but I can't control it and it's eating me alive from the inside out.
I really hate it. And I feel guilty and need to get it off my chest.
To everyone out there of East Asian heritage, I'm sorry.
(I know I technically haven't hurt anybody or done anything wrong and that this post may sound like a joke or something very immature only an inexperienced teenager ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^20, ^^^though ^^^it's ^^^just ^^^been ^^^3 ^^^weeks could write, and for that, I'm really sorry too, I just seriously need to get this out, even if it sounds fake and mawkish)
| self.offmychest |
I didn't make it into The 27 Club. [I guess I've come a long way from last year.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/530wxa/the_27_club/)
I didn't off myself. But just a week after that post, my cousin did. And eight months after that... my mother basically did.
But I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't found this community just a little over a year ago. I'd been involved in a few support groups here that turned out to be pretty... toxic. But this place? I've made so many friends here (several of whom I've met IRL!) I value my time spent on here and hope to be able to "give" a little more once I resolve all this shit in my real life.
My birthday was so shitty. Nobody on my mom's side wished me happy birthday on Facebook. My older sister came over two nights before and brought up how I shouldn't be "fake" working because I could lose my disability money. Despite the fact that the government now views me as employed, my family does not. She ended up screaming at me about things that happened between me and my mom (I had to remind my dad that unlike in the past, I DID NOT bring this stuff up) and claims I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and need extensive therapy (so what good are my meds anyway?) It's not that she doesn't understand. It's that she thinks I'm delusional.
Things went a little better when I went to see my dad's side (my four little cousins all made birthday cards for me!) But nobody seems to be big on what I'm doing. My dad complains that I don't do anything to help him (he never ASKS me to, I'm supposed to just do it on my own when all I'm thinking about is how to survive the day?) He doesn't get it. Nobody does.
The highlight of the day was getting a call from my former best friend, who I hadn't heard from in four years (he'd lost my number and doesn't do social media, so he got my number from a mutual friend who he'd gotten in touch with recently.) We talked for an hour and reminisced about our old days running wild in college, and how we're both stuck in shit situations with our family. He told me I was such a great person, and that he "didn't deserve a friend like [me]." I've missed the shit out of this guy and didn't even know he even thought about me. But this still wasn't enough to bring me out of this depression.
Because even though so many people tell me I'm a solid dude, the friendliest guy with the biggest heart they know... I'm still a drain on my family. I'm going to get the blame for the financial problems because my mom's dead and my sisters just NEED someone to hear it's their fault. They can't see that there are people out there who value me as a human being. They can't see that being bipolar does not mean I have some warped view of the world, or that there's a point to having that diagnosis besides a means to get government benefits. They can't understand my pain. They can't understand ME.
I'm so close to giving up right now and could pretty much use all the help and support you could give me. 27 was a terrible year and I don't want 28 to be a repeat of that. | self.bipolar |
I'm 18 today And im home alone, nothing to do and noone to talk to. Not a single call to say happy birthday, nothing. I just want to go back to bed.
EDIT: You guys are too awesome :) thank you all for the comments, they've made my day | self.depression |
I admire how phisically disabled people can still live ( and be happy ) As useless as i am already, if i was in a situation like that, i would probably kill myself to avoid the extra effort my familiy would have to sustain me .
Edit: I wasn’t saying crippled people are a burden in general, I was just referring to my life, how useless i feel even though i am healthy , and how i couldnt even imagine living in their shoes. | self.depression |
life wake up worry worry worry cry sob sob school worry worry cry panic cry sob worry
repeat Xinfinity | self.depression |
DAE Get this feeling of impending doom? You feel as though something terrifying, extremely negative, dangerous is going to happen very soon, then you get a feeling that everything is going too fast, you feel very agitated on the inside. | self.Anxiety |
Is anybody else surrounded by mental health issues too? Is that the issue? Do I care too much about people? It's just a thing I've noticed that mojority of my friends are depressed or has anxiety issues. Do I just attract those sort of people or is this a possible cause? Regardless of this, when with them this is when I'm least depressed but anxiety all ways exists sadly. So I'm trying to figure if it's a common factor in people's lives with mental health issues so I could infer that it maybe the issue. | self.depression |
Becoming addicted to self harm I self harmed one day when I lost control of myself and I promised myself that I wouldn’t let it go any further but now I find myself actually craving the release it provides. I hate myself for it. I’m so disgusting. Does anyone else feel this way? | self.depression |
Am I [15M] a shitty person for not wanting to go celebrate Thanksgiving with my family? So, I'm currently at home with my mom's boyfriend while my mom is at my grandparents house to celebrate thanksgiving. Her boyfriend just called called me a shitty person for not wanting to go. I was just wondering if what he said is true.
So, the first reason is that I'm highly allergic to dogs, and they have four extremely loving and jumpy dogs in their house. Every time I go there allergies always get to me, and I can barely breath all the time when I go there and have constant sneezing and coughing fits. Then I start getting itchy and scratching my face and neck to the point of pain.
The second reason I don't want to go is because I'm afraid of being in front of my grandparents. I fear social interactions, and I'm absolutely terrible at talking to people. So, if you put me in a room with the two people who are most likely to judge me the most, and who I have zero common ground with, it's gonna be terrifying.
I feel like I have vaild reasons for not going, but I'm really worried that what my mom's boyfriend said was true. What are you guus thoughts? Please be honest. | self.Anxiety |
Lithium has left me sleepless and agitated. Is that normal? I struggled to get much sleep last night at all, and I woke up feeling really agitated. I feel really wired up and sleep deprived.
I can't focus on anything. I've also been waking up with extreme anxiety over the past several days, and I'll usually calm down in an hour or so.
I've only been on Lithium for 5 days, is this to be expected? I feel like throwing in the towel already. | self.bipolar |
My therapist thinks i need anxiety medicine-- i am worried it will make my school performance worse Hi everyone! This is my first time posting but I wasn't sure where to go. I have had anxiety throughout my life, and my performance in school was always a huge factor. When talking with my therapist, she has suggested that people who fit the type of anxiety I describe to her are often helped a lot by medication. I am worried that my anxiety over grades is what motivates me to do well in college. While my therapist says it won't eliminate my motivation, I can't help but be wary over it. This worry has stopped me from making an appointment with a psychiatrist for an evaluation.
When I talked with my mom, she said the same worry that I have, that my anxiety is ingrained into my personality and is what makes me do well. Do you know any ways to get over this fear? My anxiety has gotten very bad over the last few years and it's really taken a toll on my mental and physical health.
Any advice is sincerely appreciated! | self.Anxiety |
Quickest way to get help Friend not currently on meds is in a manic episode that came on very suddenly. In your experience, where can she get the best and quickest care? Outpatient facilities take at least a day to get an appointment. We are at the ER now but they don't have the right doctors to prescribe treatment. Literally 24 hours in the ER with only one mild sleep aid that did not help. And everyone in ER have worse problems than us (mostly peaceful Manic behavior). All other inpatient facilities in the city are full. New to this whole thing and the lack of resources for mental health patients are making me really sad. 😢 | self.bipolar |
I want to tell my psychiatrist that i've done drugs recreationally (X post from /r/anxiety) I'm currently prescribed sertraline (zoloft) for depression/anxiety by my psychiatrist. If you take this med, you know it can cause nausea, drowziness, and weight loss. I can tolerate those but what I can't get over is the fact that the effect is just very weak for me. A few months ago I heard that ketamine can help with mental health issues. I've always had access to "street drugs" so I thought I'd give it a try. Well, after a few months of "experimentation" I've found the results to be pretty positive. The ketamine seems to do a very good job of chasing away depression/anxiety for me, even weeks after I've taken it. Now I want to tell my psychiatrist that I've found something that works but I don't know how she would react to something like that. Basically, how do I convince my psychiatrist that I'm not just trying to score some drugs to abuse?
Edit: I'm not willing to do infusions. | self.depression |
I’m sick of being messed up I feel like I’m always objectifying women. This is out of hand. It all started when I stopped being religious. I went from not allowed to have a girlfriend to a bunch of horny friends telling me I need to get laid a bunch to get practice so I can make a girl I really like happy. Couple that with being introduced to porn when I was 12, and I can’t ask a woman out without thinking about sex.
Tonight I feel extra disgusting. I have a female roommate. Of course, I’ve fantasized about sleeping with her. I try to push those thoughts out of my head. She got drunk tonight and she got dressed in her little dress she wears when she goes to sleep. She was rolling on the floor drunkingly laughing. Meanwhile her dress was hiking up to her chest. I looked away, but I could see her in the corner of my eye. Then her breast became exposed. I again looked away, but it took a lot of effort on my part. While she’s on the floor laughing, I know I need to help her up, but I’m waiting for my weak boner to diminish. After a minute, I helped her to her bed and all, but I still feel sleezy as fuck. | self.offmychest |
I'm pretty sure I'm going to kill myself if nothing changes by the end of the year I'm 20 years old, jobless, not going to school. Too anxious to get properly groomed. I don't know what I wanna do with my life, I don't know what I wanna be. I lost all my friends due to my own shame induced social isolation. I don't know what will actually make me happy. Ever since I underachieved my way through high school I've felt like an embarrassment to my family. A dissapointing failure and I don't know, feels like I'll always fail. I failed in high school, I fail at undergoing basic social interactions, I fail at not getting overwhelmed and having the energy to actually do something for once. It just doesn't seem worth it if I'm always going to fail and fuck up, my life is gonna be full of so much anxiety and failure time and time again, I don't see myself becoming something if I do something. I know I'm not gonna change I know I'm still gonna be lazy I know I'm gonna sabotage everything because I suck. I know it's a stupid thing to rant about but I don't know. My mom wants me to work so I can lend my parents money. Only problem with that is my dad takes pretty much every thing with me. I'm stuck.
Edit: Sorry forgot to mention, this doing nothing thing has gone on for about 3 years now. | self.SuicideWatch |
Rant Honestly no one even cares
Being fake everyday just slowly wears you away into nothing, and then you can finally just be one with yourself
People say they care but only because social standards demand them to care. They always hit you with Im always here if you wanna talk, and honestly I do wanna talk but I know you don’t actually want to listen. You are just here to look good in front of everyone else, so others think well of you and not me. You couldn’t care about me you just care about others thinking you care about me. If I die people will say why didn’t he reach out, I was always there for support but was you? If you genuine cared enough about me and you actually spent the time to get to know me you’d know I’m not okay, but now it’s my fault because I didn’t ask. The reason I didn’t ask is because I’m scared. I act like I’m numb to emotions and I don’t care what others say but deep down I do. When people find out you’re depressed half the time they think you’re faking it for attention or they make up some bullshit excuse as to how you can’t be depressed because you have “friends”. Oh and love, to the girl that I’ve liked for over a year now just know that if you don’t like me that’s fine, but I’m still human. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. Like damn just tell me you don’t like me and then let me cry for a week, but don’t just keep ignoring me or acting like we’re best friends for a week after you reject me to “soften the blow” god honestly I’m so done with life but I’m too much of a pussy to kill myself. I don’t even want to stop life I just want to stop mine and hop into someone else’s like fuckkkk. I have so much love to give but people don’t even bother because of who I pretend to be on the surface. I’m just some guy who doesn’t feel emotions and nothing can bother him... I just want someone to hold and kiss and love and just call mine. Shit I’m tearing up gimme a sec. okay I’m good back to it, I just really want someone who is near me and able to talk and is just as fucked up as I am. I don’t want to be invite to come over and there be like 12 other people when you act enthusiastic about us spending some time together. Damn I don’t even know if this makes sense and I can’t be bothered to reread but thanks for listening to me rant for like 5 minutes. | self.depression |
Thats it,im killing myself Today i have come at peace with the idea of killing myself.
It has been on my head since many years ago for many different reasons,and often a mix of all of them.Either because im fucking pathetic,the death of my father,breaking up with my ex,etc.
We all (or most of us) go through many hard things in our lifes but i seem to have very bad luck with everything,everything that "should" (it shouldnt in fact,the universe doesnt owe me anything) go well ends up backfiring.
Since the last year i started to take drugs to escape from all of this and it was for a time that i thought i have finally beated depression,used to think about suicide at least once per day since many years ago but it finally stopped.lied to myself saying things will get better but that wasnt true.
Today i talked with my ex to see how she was doing in her life,it was a weird mixture of feeling happy for her and at the same time so sad to see how stuck i am.she finally found someone,they are going to travel abroad soon,going to college and so on....and here i am,i dont work,i dont study,lonely as fuck,socially awkward,doing nothing with my life.I think it was not the fact that i was missing her what made me snap,but just to really how far behind i am from everybody.
its a horrible feeling to feel i am so pathethic like this,no matter who tries to comfort me saying the contrary,i know myself better than them and i know im not going anywhere in life,i dont have the luck or the will anymore.
But today i also feel so at peace....im finally doing it,im a dead man walking,nothing of what i do matters anymore nor the bad things that i have to deal with.Have to admit im afraid of death,sometimes i feel very afraid of the afterlife,will i go to hell? or just to the void,become the void
Going to buy rope soon and hang myself to end it all.Im so sorry mother,im so sorry.You are a saint and couldnt have ask for a better mother and im going to miss you so much if i have that chance,im also sorry for being such a disappointment and selfish son but i cannot take it anymore
Everything feels so surreal today,like a dream.To hear the sound of the birds,people,the world and know im not going to be part of it anymore,to wonder how you all are going to keep living without me,those who klnow me and those who doesnt too
Goodbye | self.offmychest |
PMDD makes me want to hurt myself I never posted on Reddit. But maybe the public can help me when nobody in my social circle understands -- not fully, anyway. No one else that I know personally suffers from PMDD, but if you do, maybe you know my struggle.
At that time of the month, almost every month, I become suicidal. Every. Little. Thing. Stresses me out as though I have lost a loved one, gone bankrupt -- as though something genuinely traumatic happened, but actually, my dog just made a mess on the carpet.
I cry so hard -- the kind of crying that you scream intermittently. Sometimes I cut myself, sometimes I slap my face hard and pull my hair. I run for knives, blades -- I run out of the apartment with no direction and pace around the parking lot. I threaten to crash my car into light poles and have tried jumping out of a moving car twice. I feel crazy.
Also, I'm 21. I live in a beautiful state with a wonderful boyfriend. I make great money and love my job; I have enough savings to where I never have to worry about finances. I have a beautiful apartment, recently got a new car. I love climbing mountains, adventuring with my boyfriend and dogs, traveling, seeing friends, taking photos. My family isn't the closest to me, but they're around and my parents are, for the most part, supportive. I've never experienced genuine loss -- never lost a loved one, never severely injured, never financially unstable -- but I know what it feels like. And if you saw one of my panic attacks, you'd have no doubt about it.
All that last paragraph to say, my life is good and I love it. I appreciate it -- I tell others how to appreciate theirs and encourage them of their freedom and potential. Three weeks of the month, I'm the one that lifts others up. And then, generally a few days before my period, I collapse. Nearly every month. A dirty apartment, an unexpected work event that eats into my weekend, a comment from my boyfriend that I take harshly, a tear in my new sofa from my dogs -- full blown panic. Self-harm, often.
It's hurting my relationship, my work, and my quality of life. I've struggled with this for nearly 6 years. But even during the majority of the month when I'm strong and rational, I don't know what to do to fix it. I've gone to therapy, gotten on a CBD regimin, eat healthy and get 8 hours of sleep. I express and analyze my problem, I count my breathing. I bought fancy colored pencils to use in my damn adult coloring book. Lavender scented everything, no caffeine, always hydrated. I am healthy and happy -- and for a few days, I'm the most hopeless, most stressed out person you wouldn't want to know.
What do I do? I'm not bi-polar, but it's similar. It's only that time of the month. I don't want to make a rash mistake and really hurt myself one day, on a day that I'm going through PMDD and am the furthest thing from my genuine self.
Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice? Medical suggestion? I so appreciate all of you people's time. What you're doing, watching this page, is incredibly loving of you. | self.SuicideWatch |
Does anybody else's mind immediately go to death as a solution? Every time a new problem comes up, no matter how big or small, I sometimes can't help but think, "this is such a pain. I'd rather be dead."
For example, here recently I caused a minor car accident, and afterwards all I could think was 'How can I kill myself?' because of the guilt and all my other faults. It almost scared me at how viable it seems as a solution. No more suffering, no more being useless, no more stupid mistakes... | self.depression |
I don't want to live a normal "robotic" life and 9-5 Job Im only 16 and I used to think about not wanting to live a normal life with a 9-5 job like all the other millions of people. I started watching Stranger Things and realized how young these kids are and how well their lives are going already. Im literally sitting in my room playing video games on my free time and these kids that are 2 to 3 years younger than me are already set for life. Im way too shy for acting classes (and if I gave it a shot I probably wouldn't go far considering I live in Canada) and really im just tired of always being invisible and looking at a boring future.
I always have so much school work and studying because like anyone else, my parents push me to do well and get a good education. I attempted to make a youtube channel that appeals to a large audience but haven't pushed myself due to the reasons above. It just seems life is a repeated cycle; School -- Work -- Retirement -- and that's it.
I don't really know what to pursue anymore and I just wanted to get this off my chest since im still young. (this is also my first time using reddit) | self.offmychest |
Does dating help with depression? I've had a friend tell me he used to suffer from depression but ever since he got a GF and was introduced to her world, he just didn't have as much of it anymore. I don't think it was the fact that he threw his problems on her, but much more so the fact that through focusing on his GF, he probably just forgot about his own problems. I could be wrong though.
I'm thinking, could dating someone help me go through my depression in the same way? I also wonder if dating someone else with depression (though I have no idea where I'd find someone) would be an enjoyable experience. I've never dated before. | self.depression |
Is anxiety not an actual medical condition? From England for reference. I've seen my GP and mentioned my anxiety every couple years, but every time they pawn me off without offering any advice or treatment. It's as if they believe anxiety is just slightly higher than the average person rather than being a subset of the population with significant symptoms and outcomes.
I no longer have anxiety(although my self-destructive procrastination is merely destructive now) but I am curious if anyone else experienced this. | self.Anxiety |
Really struggling. How do I get help? I can't see a doctor for months, because wait times are in the months where I'm at, and I have no way to go out of town to see a doctor. What do I do? I can't function as I am right now. I don't want to die, but I do want to give up entirely if that makes sense. Does anyone have advice? | self.depression |
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