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Life is going well but I want to kill myself? So my life is just about as average as it has ever been, but over the past week my sducidal thoughts have reached the point where I actually went to home depot and bought rope. Ended up tying a noose and found out I could hang myself from the door that leads to my attic. What could be causing this? I plan on hanging myself next week when I can be home alone (I'm in college and will be home for Thanksgiving) and I wasn't going to leave a note. I can't help myself and unless someone else intervenes I will go through with it, or at least try. I don't want to die but the thoughts are getting so bad I can't even functions during the day. I don't know how to help myself basically? Thanks internet strangers for reading this
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression song All my life people asked me why
And every answer I gave was a lie
You'll feel better by the way you dress
Maybe, just maybe I'm just depressed
You'll feel better if you sleep well often
Maybe I would rather lay down in a coffin
You'll feel better if only you'll try
I try and try but I still want to die
You'll feel better if you see your friends
Maybe every beginning looks like an end
You'll feel better if you hit the gym
Maybe feeling bad is simply a sin
You'll feel better if you leave it behind
Yet I'm left with nothing, chewing the rind
You'll feel better if you let it all go
How hard I have tried, nobody knows
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self.depression
|
Medication decrease My psychiatrist had me go down from 50 mg to 25 mg of Zoloft a day, and that’s been happening for only like 4 days. It was because I was too numb on my old dose, and would literally never feel any significant emotions.
I have been having mild suicidal thoughts today, and I’m scared because that never happens. The sadness is hitting so hard. Is this because of the medication change? Will this get better, once it’s been like two weeks or something, or is my dose too low now?
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self.depression
|
Considering ABILIFY MAINTENA I am a young a adult diagnosed with bipolar type 2, i have already had a pretty negative experience with abilify hoping it would be my saving grace seeing as ive been on a list of other medications (antipsychotics, stimulants, antidepressants, ect) but Id still like to give the shot a try... I was on the pills for about 2-3 months but had to be taken off them because of how dizzy they would make me, it was to the point where I couldnt even walk to go get a glass of water without everything going black. I wish I could remember my dosage but it was about two years ago, but what I do remember was minus the extreme lightheaded i felt it was quite different from any other mood stabilizer i had tried (forgive me if i am categorizing things wrong for I am no doctor just a mentally unstable girl) I didnt feel extremely tired, hungry, and for lack of a better term like a zombie. Im just curious what others experience was like and if it is worth the risk... im running out of options here. (I am on other medication as well that i am curious about so if I get any replies I would appreciate all the help i can get) thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.
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self.bipolar
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Are there any anti-depressants that don't kill the sex drive? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm going to end up killing myself or someone else I can't keep the thoughts and anger inside anymore. I'm going to explode and do something bad. Just let me fucking die.
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self.depression
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My mom said I'm a psycho who creates a new crisis every day... [deleted]
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self.depression
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He doesn't love me. Not much else to say.
I'm fucking heartbroken and humiliated.
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self.offmychest
|
Gym -> Mania? Prior to my diagnosis, I loved going to the gym.
I still love it when I’m there, but when I get back home, I feel manic.
My lower vision also flickers for a while (like it looks like a light being turned off and on almost imperceptibly beneath my field of vision, if that makes sense).
Does anyone else get this? It’s so disappointing because I feel so good when I work out, but I really don’t like feeling that way afterward.
It’s especially frustrating because I know I felt good after working out before my diagnosis. I just felt happy. Now whenever I’m happy I have to stop and assess whether the euphoria stems from mania or not, and it pretty much always does.
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self.bipolar
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it's scary hey guys, sorry if I made a lot of posts, but
for a few days I've just been having invasive suicidal thoughts, which started after my anxiety was really bad. I don't want to die, and these thoughts are scary. I haven't been to a doctor for this or anxiety at all, does that sound like a good idea? Will I get help?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Giving Up Negative Self Talk/ Hate for Lent I'm not Catholic but since today is St. Valentine's Day and the start of Lent, instead of giving something up like social media, chocolate, or soda (although, those are good options of vices) I have decided to give up negative self talk/hate. I realize some of you may not be religious but from a religious perspective, bad self talk leads to hate, which leads a person to devalue and later dehumanize who they are created to be. In turn, this devalues God because Christian theology teaches us we are made in his image. If you participate in Lent (for Religious reasons or not) and struggle with anxiety and or depression. I suggest that you consider joining me in giving up on bad self talk and replacing it with positive thoughts and other habits.
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self.Anxiety
|
Just felt like sharing my mind Hey, my name is Dennis lets just say I'm quite an emotional person. When I was young I got bullied for lets say 13 years. Instead of helping every school I went to just ignored the problem. (Which consisted of daily fights, people filming me while i was getting bullied I even got beaten up in front of my own house). I really had no one, and just as the last school promised to help me they tricked me into going to a special school. A school for people who messed up their lives. Instead of me being there for 9 weeks it turned out they tricked me and I could basically never leave there for the school years to come. This is where I picked up my depression was there really no one who cared? At this point my parents finally realized that what i was going trough was not something I could do on myself. They helped me get away from that special school. After one year I was finally allowed to leave that special school but there was one requirement my parents had to sign a form saying I have PDD-NOS which is some form of autism. I don't even have this but this was the only way they would let me leave that place. The consequence of my parents signing that form was that when I went to a new school. The school had to appoint a person for me to talk to (who eventually removed the PDD-NOS status, For which I'm so gratefull). All the damage done with the bullying finally cleared up when I was 16. At least that is what everyone would think. Because i got bullied allot I'm not the most social guy (never learned all those unwritten social rules because i never really had anyone to talk to).
Which brings me to the next stage in my life. I'm 23 now but I still experience allot of problems. I feel alone every day. I've had multiple girlfriends tough every girl left me in the most scumbag way. What is it that makes people always treat each other like they are better and always try to hurt the other person when something goes wrong. Lets take my last ex for example she had Borderline. Threatened me with a knife and cheated on me multiple times (even with my best friend). Tough i never disrespected her.
I just don't get it since when did everything became a status symbol. Allot of girls are looking for the "perfect" man tough no one is looking for an emotional connection. Every girl is talking about the perfect man while already thinking about the amount of likes they will receive on a picture with him.
When you meet someone new you're not allowed to talk about who you are, or specifically speaking what made you who you are. As soon as you open up the bullied conversation you lose your tinder match before they even know you. How can you build a relationship with someone who only wants to know about your cool things the things they can brag about on social media and make all their friends jealous with.
I'm not here to complain about how everyone is disrespectful. I'm here to share my mind. I've been depressed for a long time now. And I know its not the easiest thing to live with. Although my tip for people dealing with depression is try to look for people who would do the same thing for you as you would do for them. I've always spend my life make other people happy. Why? Well when I have nothing to live for the least I can do is make other people's lives a bit better. But never got anything in return to make me feel a bit better.
My life is not the best one so far. And I've struggled with hard situations all my life. Probably allot of you guys have this problem. But try to focus on the small things. We are the one's that truly know what happiness is. We can appreciate the good things more because we know how bad the bad things can be. And if you know someone with depression don't hesitate to send him or her that nice: Hey Good morning :) text. It means allot to him/her.
This is my first post and English is not my native language.
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self.depression
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How do you know if you really want a baby? I recently learned I will go into a menapause in my early 30s. I can’t tell why I am sad exactly. I guess I always liked the idea of a mini-me and did not want to age alone. But also can’t imagine myself responsible for a human being yet. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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What's the difference between dying now and dying 50+ years from now? I'd avoid five decades of work and frustration without losing anything of value.
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self.depression
|
I got yelled at at my internship for something that wasn't my fault. Now the manager probably thinks I'm a liar or really stupid. A supplier lied to us and it so happened to be about a payment I was in charge of. No you didn't fucking send a reminder every week since September, you sent one a month and it wasn't due yet! I'm just an intern goddammit. Of course they won't believe me.
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self.Anxiety
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My partner doesn't tell me when he's seing other friends [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
My life is not bad. I still feel like shit I'm a 27 yo male. I think my life is not bad in general. I have a job, friends, an ok social life. I get proffesional help and have been on meds for 3 years.
I go to the gym, I travel, I party, I try new things. I still feel like shit every single day.
There is nothing that I want to accomplish, and I never felt happy. I actually feel guilty for being depressed. I know my brain must be fucked. I really try to change. Nothing seems to work. I am clueless.
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self.depression
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Living alone at uni for the first time, and everything's so overwhelming; I think I need help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have had EDNOS since I was 10. I'm 26 now. from a young age (10), I had binge eating disorder from constantly being picked on and accused of being anorexic and told I was disgusting and killing myself and that all my health issues were my fault.
Then I went through a huge trauma. I got raped by my first serious boyfriend when I was 17. That sent me on a spiral that led to another abusive ex and I got pregnant. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks and only told the guy after and he yelled at me for getting pregnant. During that time I got REALLY sick. Later, I was diagnosed (separate incident) with hyperemesis gravidarum. I was also under extreme stress.
As a result, I got really skinny. Under 90lbs skinny. And people got worried. Doctors worked hard and listened and I got better. I got diagnosed with Dysautonomia. I gained a bunch of weight.
Well, I had been dealing with more health stuff that I finally realized was NOT normal and researched and knew I had serious mental health issues and serious health problems. I tried to get doctors, friends, and family to listen and take me seriously.
Everyone said I was exaggerating. I got so fed up and upset. I was in another shit relationship. I remembered that being skinny got me help before, and I started starving myself. It worked! I got taken seriously.
So I've been struggling with binges and restricting ever since. I go back and forth between them and am in and out of relapse. I don't have a fear of food or gaining weight, but I am constantly afraid that I will never get the help I need, because when I gain the weight, people stop caring again.
I applied for disability, then my drs changed my diagnosis to basically the same thing, but the name not given disability for. Like Ehlers Danlos Syndrome got changed to Benign Joint Hypermobility.
So that's what I needed to say.
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self.offmychest
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Stress stomachaches Does anyone else suffer from debilitating stress related stomach pain? I've had my stomach checked via colonoscopy twice and they found nothing, but when I get stressed I am in horrible stomach pain. 6-8/10 on the pain scale. The only thing I've found that helps is wine, and I obviously can't drink that before work. Has anyone else found a solution that helps at all?
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self.Anxiety
|
Like listening to the rain Death just seems so peaceful.
I don't want to sleep, I'm scared of waking up. My kidney stones hurt. My RLS hurts. My heart hurts (literally, I overdosed on oxycodone yesterday) My fucking ridiculous fat ragdoll cat is sleeping on my bed with me, and he could not care less if I dropped off the face of the planet; but the idea of missing out on all the hugs I could have make me sad. My dad wants to take me stargazing for some event in June and my mum wants to see a movie this weekend. So many reasons to keep holding on.
Yet giving up is all I can think about. Being done once and for all. No more. Just, no more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicide and Group Term life insurance Does anyone know about group term life insurance and suicide? I have been with my current company for over 10 years and have always maintained Group term life insurance. The policy says there is a 2 year exclusion for suicide. When does the clock start? Does that mean that my dependents would get the payout based on my salary from 2 years ago? Or would the insurance company try to deny benefits?
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self.SuicideWatch
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My mom asked me for my wishlist for my birthday... What she doesn't know is, that I don't intend to be alive on my birthday.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think I'm losing a friend today I really just need this off my chest.
A long-distance friend of mine was really depressed for a long time, and constantly mentioning how he was tired of it all. He made several calls to a suicide prevention line, and they were able to talk him down for the time being. But, a few days ago he suddenly started acting happier. His tweets were all in Spanish and they were cheerful, he seemed better. But after translating them there were mentions of "putting his plan into action soon" and "letting us all know how awesome we are one more time."
I know I should be upset if he's truly going through with it, but honestly I want him to be at peace. The entire time I've known him he's been drinking in order to dull the pain. And recently it seems the pain was so damned bad his mind was breaking apart. I know I should be upset, but if he is going today I'm just glad I let him know I'll always love him like my British brother.
EDIT: OH MY GOD HE TWEETED TODAY. I THOUGHT HE WAS ALREADY GONE BUT HE TWEETED AND I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I SAW IT
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self.depression
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My Bf [M21] and I [F22] broke up and I'm stuck with guilt and suicidal thoughts [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Extrovert stuck in an introverts lifestyle Im at a point in my life where I rely on social interactions for happiness. I hate being alone. The only problem with this is I have never known/wanted to actively make friends. Im stuck in a dark spot and I don't know how to introduce more people in my life.
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self.depression
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Why does being drunk feel so good? I just downed half a bottle of whiskey and a bit more wine. The world's spinning around me, and I don't know but it feels really nice. All the depressive thoughts I had before just dissipated because I'm just fully focused on the fact that my world is spinning rather than the fact that I hate myself. I'm not sure if what I'm saying is even coherent fuck hahaa.jha.a
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self.depression
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If your spending new years alone. Feel free to messag me! Not sure if the right place to post something like this but oh well. If anyone in this sub is going to be spending New years alone due to things like Anxiety and what not then please, feel free to chuck me a message. No one should have to spend new years alone and I want to make sure none of you do either. Because I know what it feels like to be alone and im not going to let any of you feel the same way, even if its just through a friendly chat over reddit. So please send me a message and Ill be happy to chat away with you :)
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else feel like they see no future for themselves? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Hello again Hello everyone, I went away for a while but I'm back now, I had a good time in the holidays with family but today it hit me that its over and I don't like my life, its sad and I don't feel good and I'm scared to think about things.
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self.depression
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I’m afraid I tested out my noose today and I think it will work. It’s just a belt tied to a wardrobe looped at the end. I read that unconsciousness occurs quickly. I keep trying to do the right thing but it isn’t good enough for the people in my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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When happiness is well, no longer happiness? Some days i wake up and i feel great, productive, i get out and interact like the person of old. Then i stop and wonder how this is the case, like everything i have said and done has been fabricated. I feel like an imposter making up excuses for the inadequacies that im afraid of dealing with because im weak and ashamed. The most difficult part is that am diminishing depression and the impacts it has on others. Its almost like a form of self sabotage and all that i am doing is wasting time and resources. I cant justify the depression or the happiness and its consumes me constantly.
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self.depression
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I am probably about to ruin the best relationship of my life because I'm anxious. Any idiot can see how happy she is with me but when she doesn't reply over a period of like 4 hours Cuz she's busy I just get super crazy and message her a lot. I feel like I'm slowly killing myself right now and she says she understands and loves me.. she's the best girlfriend ever... but my anxiety and paranoia are killing me right now
Why is it I know the people around me love me yet I feel so unloved
Edit: she was asleep.
She said she got home at like 7 last night and passed out immediately. I went to streaming my first night playing Fortnite and it calmed me down and finally at like 130 she woke up and called me, told me everything was okay and that she wanted to make sure i was okay. She said the messages didn't bother her.
She said she wasn't bothered because she loves me unconditionally and I couldn't help but start crying. She's amazing and I'm so happy to have her.
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self.depression
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Too far gone? Anyone else feel like they are too far gone?
I've gotten to a point after 26 years of depression that I do not feel I will ever be able to view anything in a positive light at all. I've dived so far deep into trying to find a concrete meaning for life but I honestly cannot find anything. I can't help but fixate on thoughts like how everyone dies eventually. And if there is nothing after this ,which i don't believe there is, what is the point? Why should I worry of happiness? And what does that mean? Success? What is that? Money? Fame? Big Houses or cars?
I'm sure I sound like I'm rambling I just don't know how else to describe this. I keep thinking how we are creatures floating on a rock in a vast void we barely know anything about. Fighting and struggling over monetary gains, something we've completely made up, only to end up in the ground anyway.
Or maybe it's just me. I've tried my best to have all of these earthly and human ideals realized and failed time and time again. Maybe I'm way too weak so I write off everything that most people value because I never felt like I deserved to feel like that or that I was ever valued to begin with.
Maybe I delved that deep into what the hell is going on here because the things at face value that most people hold tightly too have always been too shaky and unstable in my life.
I don't know I just hope I'm not alone.
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self.depression
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Should I Do It? I've been depressed for about 5 years now and I really don't know what to do anymore. My life is in complete shambles, my mother constantly screams and yells at me, I'm not accepted by my family, and I can barely stand living in my own body. Should I just end it all and jump off of my apartment building?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Unfulfilling existence It's 6:46 am. I haven't been able to sleep.
There are reoccurring thoughts in my mind of not belonging to this world, and like whatever good that might happen in the future will be followed by more pain than it was worth.
 
I feel corrupted, like it is too late to live a normal and fulfilled life. I know that I can't predict the future so I shouldn't say anything for certain but I just don't see the point. Whatever this existence has to offer it feels pointless.
 
I dream of finding the right friends and maybe the right life partner, but it seems improbable. I assume too easily that people wish to hurt me. And my assumptions hurt the people who actually wants my best.
 
I feel so much more alive and at home in my dreams while I'm alseep.
 
Thank you for reading.
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self.depression
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Coming back to depression Can somebody talk to me and tell me that everything is going to be all right?
Everything is going so bad right now even though I tried very hard to be a new person and my life continues to be even shittier.
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self.depression
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Death anxiety (and stuff that is contributing to it) Hi r/Anxiety! A little bit of background: So I've had anxiety for a while and I've been in and out of therapist offices. Since I've had a very traumatic and abusive childhood (physical, emotional, maybe sexual) I haven't ever had the chance to get the treatment I've needed. My first experience with psychiatric care was at my university counselling services in 2014 however I was also entangled in an abusive relationship at the time so I wasn't good about going to my appointments and my ex manipulated a lot of my therapy (such as contacting my therapist without permission and manipulating them into institutionalizing me for a week). Since leaving the town where my previous university and ex were at and moving back home I like to believe that I've made strides when it comes to my mental health. I did have to move back in with my abusive family, so I basically tried to consult my primary physician about my mental health. I was really paranoid so I never told him about my family trauma or my ex trauma, I mainly just went over my consistent anxiety.
A few years down the road I started dating my high school best friend. The relationship got serious and so did my anxiety. I was consistently ruminating about the state of my relationship, especially my then-boyfriend's (now husband's) mortality. I talked to my physician again and described how I was consistently worried about my husband dying, and that I compulsively checked to make sure he was okay by texting him or having him text me. I followed a very strict routine in making sure he was okay, I'd like to think some of it was ritualistic (I was always checking his pulse and counting his breathing while we were together). My physician said I might have OCD and prescribed me Zoloft which basically didn't work for me.
When I married my husband I figured that this would go away, but it's been consistently worse. The compulsions have not gone away, and while I have been actively trying to control my intrusive thoughts sometimes they pile up and I have panic attacks and beg my husband not to go anywhere (he works night shifts 3-4 times a week and comes home the next morning so you can see how its hard for him to stay home and not go anywhere). I've worried about other people's deaths before (namely my mother, grandparents and sister) but it was never this severe. I haven't been able to go back to therapy for this but my husband and I are looking for a good therapist that works with my insurance.
My worries are essentially that after scouring the internet I have not found anything online which talks about this type of Death Anxiety (fearing a loved one's mortality) and its links with OCD. My previous therapist did believe I suffered from PTSD (which I believe too given my past), however even though I've suffered a lot of violence and witnessed a lot of violence I've never witnessed anyone die. I just feel so confused and hurt over why I'm having this anxiety I just wish someone could tell me I'm not being insane
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self.Anxiety
|
Sup! Just a naive idiot here. Everyone else has bigger problems, so I guess this is more of a memento for myself? Of course, feel free to share what you folks think.
I've been mostly using Reddit for the funnies and porn, so this is a pretty new experience to post here.
I've been down in the dumps, but who haven't been? Out of a job, still in college, broke as hell. Typical story of a typical, privileged idiot who was given brilliant opportunities by his family and his friends.
But just recently, I wanted to give myself an initiative: I told myself that I have to die if I don't pull myself up, and pulling myself up means that I have to get another job.
So, about an hour ago, I told a very good friend of mine I'll be "gone" if I don't get a job through my own efforts by the start of the next quarter.
I've been regretting it and I've been hoping that she didn't *really* get the message, hoping that she's too busy with her own finals and personal life to care about mine.
So I guess, I want to know why I told her that. I've never told her something like that before; we've known each other for two years now and I don't know why I let something like that slip.
Am I hesitant? Is that why I'm posting something like that here?
What do you folks think?
Again, sorry if this is too long to read or anything; I usually lurk so I don't really know if I'm doing this right. Thank you in advance for your time if you read this :)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I tried to kill myself today and I almost succeeded. Almost. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's not news that everyone has suicidal thoughts once in a while. For me, whenever I used to have them, I would be able to talk myself out of it or remind myself that there are other people out there who need me.
Yesterday was different. I had a panic attack during class and thought to myself that should I not get exam entrance for this module, I'd have no choice but to end it all. I envisioned myself going up to the highest building on campus and taking the step to ultimate relief. While I was imagining this, I was able to be in the exact emotional predicament needed to leave - I didn't care about anything else other than relief from this miserable existence. That scared me. It never got to this extent before, and I think I'm on the brink of it.
I wrote the last test for this module about 2 hours ago and I didn't feel 100%. We should be getting our results on Friday and if I didn't make it, I think I'm very likely going to not make it past the day either.
I'm unsure if help can remedy the situation or if I just wanted an outlet to express these emotions that I am unable to, to anyone else.
Thanks for reading
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self.SuicideWatch
|
No one left The only person I have left is my boyfriend. My (ex, now, I guess) best friend of 20 years is now dating my abusive ex/rapist and won't talk to me. That ex won't even talk to me anymore, which. Wow.
My sister cut me out of her life. My roommates will only interact with me if I'm with my boyfriend.
I stopped eating.
I'm too depressed to even do drugs or drink anymore.
There's nothing left.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can you build a tolerance to Cymbalta? I've been on Cymbalta for over a year and a half. Within the last month or so I started feeling the symptoms of missing a dose. It is to the point now that the symptoms are almost constant.. a little shaky, confused, brain fog and brain zaps, foggy vision, high blood pressure, feel like I could pass out, and I'm a total idiot. I can't find things in front of my face. I was on 60mg during my pregnancy, 90 for the last 6mo. Is it possible I've built up a tolerance? I don't want to go higher than 90mg. Im so foggy and shaky and borderline panic-attack-y that all I want to do is sleep to make it go away. Anyone have a similar experience or some knowledge they can throw at me?
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self.depression
|
My publisher just informed me that the warehouse with all the copies of my book is currently on fire. Luckily only one person was taken from the scene with for smoke inhalation, and everyone else got out... it could have been much worse.
November is the biggest month for sales, and now the inventory is likely completely destroyed.
I would expect the books to be covered by the companies insurance, but as the artist/author I will lose out on the royalties during the highest time of the year. There's no insurance for that, so I may have just lost all of my book's potential holiday season income.
**Edit: ~~Sadly, the news is reporting that there may have been firefighters injured as well... Hopefully minor injuries only, but I only know what's being reported at this point.~~
I am seeing two minor injuries (smoke inhalation) as of the most recent update. Hopefully that's all there was.**
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self.offmychest
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My neck tenses up badly from anxiety to the point I can't sleep sometimes [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Test post, please ignore. I'm just kidding, but yeah, don't waste your time reading I just want to, well, get stuff off my chest? but it's nothing worth reading.
I have... nothing. At least I feel that way. I'm a 24 yo girl? woman? who has nothing going for her. I had so many plans, had my sight set on my future, then everything went down. First, I realized I hated the career I chose, law. I was top of my "generation" at school, if that makes sense, I had the best grades in every class and across every career at school, but it was mostly because I'm just very competitive and like doing things in the best way possible, but I hate mexican lawyers, scum of the earth. Most of the ones here are disgusting, sexual harassers if you're a young woman, thieves, they have no morals, and I have no interest in working with people like this.
Then, I had a plan, okay, I'll move to where my boyfriend lives, I'll start a life there, find a good job that I like with the man of my dreams, the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with, my soulmate, the only man I've ever loved and the only man on earth I trust with my life. We had plans for all of this.
But then he hit me with the "I'm not sure how long this will last and I don't wanna wait for you, I wanna find someone to have a story with here, in my city" scenario, so now I have no future with him, because I felt his love for me disappear in less than an hour of talking. It hit me like a ton of bricks how sad it can be to want the world for someone else, to love them with your whole heart and how that will never be enough to be loved back. All of the love I feel and give will never be enough to keep someone by my side.
It was a strange feeling and I thought, wow, I'm garbage aren't I? I'm not worth anything if I'm giving everything and it's not reason enough to hold on to me.
I don't like where I live, it's a boring town with no possibilities, I used to like being alone and it gave me joy to have a very close circle of friends but now I feel empty and like trash. I honestly think I'm a piece of poop that not even dogs want to smell hahahaha, it's so bad. I'm so sad.
All my self steem is leaving my body. Sometimes I wake up and I know I can do anything, I can be alone and be happy and I'll move on, and I realize that I deserve many good things for all the good things I've done for other people my entire life while never expecting anything in return, but other days I wake up and I feel like the light in me is gone and I'll never get it back.
I wish I had the strength to find people who want to be with me and, super cheesy but, who would want to fight the world by my side, a friend, anyone really. Just someone who wants me in their life. I wish someone would look at me and tell me "Biiiotch, wake up, you're the best thing in the world!" I wanna feel important, I wanna feel loved.
I'm so annoying that sometimes my mom doesn't even wanna hug me because I take everything in a very pacific and calm manner and it sometimes comes off like lack of interest. I'm a love machine, I wanna give and receive love!
I'm sitting in my room, typing this to the world but for no one to see, but I secretly hope someone would read it and see my cry for help. I wish someone in the world would want to hug me and spend time talking with me. I wish my boyfriend loved me and treated me like I do, with all my heart. I wish I find a job that I actually like and not with people who just want to do bad things to me. I wish everything and I have nothing. I just wish and wish and wish.
Honestly, I'd like to erase every single social media account I have, delete my phone number, and start a new life somewhere else where no one knows me, and never hear from anyone I know ever again. I wish I could hurt other people like they've hurt me. Except my mom, she's cool.
|
self.offmychest
|
Haven’t left my house in 3 days, gotta love being lonely having nothing to do [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I can't really find any motivation to do much of anything anymore. I used to look forward to the future. I had nothing in the past since I have no family and no friends. I used to imagine what it would be like to find a girlfriend and have someone to do stuff with. Every attempt at trying to do this has ended in failure. I'm almost in my 40s now and I really can't find the will to carry on anymore. All I have is a list of failures. I have a job and rent a place to live and I'm thankful for that but my job sucks and my home isn't that great. I'm lonely and I don't know how to fix it. I just don't see the point in trying anymore since it doesn't work. There is no feed back so I have no idea what I've done wrong or what to do to change it. I really don't know what to do in life anymore. I can't find the will to carry on.
|
self.depression
|
I’m pretty sure something’s wrong with my heart. Not in the lovesick kind of way. In the medical kind of way. I’m not talking out of my ass here, either. I’m in the medical field, and I know how cardiac abnormalities present.
For the past month or two, I’ve been getting this random tightness in my chest that makes me cough. It would only come in the evening, and it wouldn’t last long. There was no rhyme or reason, and I’d go days between having one of these little attacks.
Last week I noticed that it was accompanied by a heart palpitation. They would also happen randomly, but instead of it only being at night, now they were happening through the day. I can’t find a way to tie it to stress or anxiety- things are going pretty well right now. I’ll be laughing or joking with a patient, and suddenly it will start. I’ll be sitting on my couch, and it will start. Eating. Sleeping. Walking. Sitting. Playing with the puppy. I can’t figure it out!
The coughing and chest tightness is getting worse too, and coming on more and more frequently. I’ve also completely lost my appetite in that I’m hungry, but the thought of food is completely unappealing.
I see a cardiologist on Saturday, and I’m pretty sure the news won’t be good. I just hope whatever it is will be treatable.
|
self.offmychest
|
Really don't want to do it But it honestly feels like it's time and I don't think I can take it anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Missed Desvenlafaxine dose, but no side effects? I'm on a 100mg dose each night and if I forget it, I usually feel terrible in the morning with all the classic side effects.
I missed my dose last night and then just realised I also forgot to take it this morning. But I have zero side effects. I feel completely fine.
Has anyone else experienced this?
|
self.depression
|
What’s causing my agitation? I’m having a lot of agitation and anxiety. I take lamictal and gabapentin twice a day and I can always tell when it’s wearing off. I don’t know what’s going on.
|
self.bipolar
|
I've been dwelling on my complete loss of faith lately When I was in 2nd grade the whole school had this cool hat contest for Presidents day. Each student had to decorate a hat in the most patriotic way possible. I had a ton of fun doing this and won "best hat" in my classroom. Then later that day everyone in the school viewed everyone's hat and voted on the favorite to be revealed at a ceremony the next day. The first prize was a 10 speed bike. I didn't have a bike. My mom was too poor to buy me one. The rest of the day I prayed and prayed and prayed to win because I desperately wanted that bike. My mom always taught me that when you pray, you get what you need. I honestly felt like I needed that bike. During the ceremony I was completely convinced that I was going to win because I prayed about it. Well.. I didn't win. I lost my faith that day. I didn't understand. I was so angry and felt so lied to by my mom and every person in the church that I didn't pray for 10 years.
And then.. I started to believe again. About a year after I got my faith back o got pregnant. I was so happy and so was my fiance. I prayed everyday for our boy to be healthy and happy. Then at 32 weeks we found out that he was missing his fibulas and he had an extremely, **extremely** rare type of dwarfism known as acromesomilic dwarfism. Still, I prayed. I've heard about medical miracles so I prayed that our son would grow his fibulas and grow his long bones. I did everything I was supposed to do to have my prayers come to pass. But they didn't. Again. I was so angry at God that I stopped believing completely. If my husband brought up faith at all, I told him that he cannot talk to me about it. It was a forbidden topic.
Now my son is okay. He's had his feet amputated from the lack of ankle structure. He walks fine with prostheics. His small, but they no longer think he has dwarfism. If he does then it's a very mild type. I'm pregnant with #2 and he is a typical fetus. But my faith is still non existent. I dont even think I want it back. Ive been much less stressed just accepting the facts of Life and relying on MYSELF and my family instead of some higher power. The only catch is that I am so lonely. When I had my faith I would just talk to God and while I didn't really hear answers, it would be nice to just talk and think someone is listening. I don't have any friends. My mother completely alienated me from everyone who was a "unbeliever" so I don't know how to make friends. And I'm too depressed to put in the effort of keeping them. My husband works a lot and I'm a stay at home mom. We've been in a "temperature warning" for the past four days so I can't go outside.. it'll be at least Monday before it's safe for the toddler to be outside. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I just needed this off my chest. Thanks for reading.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm struggling this year has been hard.. Don't want to write too much.
I'm bi-polar, and my brother is bi-polar as well. My Mom died when I was 15. Dad has been taking care of us. My Dad has been very forgetful, and he's getting near retirement. My sister is going to graduate school so she can take care of us if something happens. I cannot do that to her..she's the one with unlimited potential she always has been.
So I moved out of my Dads and am going to school. Lost a ton of weight dieting before moving. It's been great for my mental health. Been very busy and starting to socialize a bit more, and I've cut out all video games outside of 30 minute sessions where I need to turn my brain off. Doing well in all my classes, and I'm in therapy and an advocate is going to look for on campus work for me so I can save up for a car in addition to getting accommodations for my mental disease. I feel a ton of pressure sometimes..and my mind starts to linger, but the feelings have been getting shorter and shorter.
Just wish my Mom was here and she could tell me everything will be alright.
|
self.depression
|
I've always felt unique, and I absolutely hate it. All I want is to find a kindred spirit. It is to the point where I haven't had a real friend since middle school(I'm 26). Friends I honestly don't mind; I don't need them, and casual acquaintances aren't so bad. Dating, however, is soul crushing. Finding a woman who I am willing to spend the rest of my life with seems like a complete joke.
I know I'm not actually unique, but meeting someone around my own age, with similar interests and disposition feels impossible. Am I alone in this feeling?
|
self.offmychest
|
Today was a good day for the most part. I felt great when I woke up this morning. Wanted to get something done around the house. Cleaned my stove and microwave. Later when my friends invited me to come over I went instead of making an excuse. I was greeted with hugs and we miss yous. It felt great. Since early November I cut myself from my social life and personal life because my seasonal depression, my normal depression and my anxiety all synced up till about the beginning of April. Ive done nothing to do with taking care of my place or my keep up with my social life. Just went to both of my jobs and worked on my side hustle.
- on mobile sorry about the formatting.
I consider this a personal achievement. I have to tell my therapist next time I see them. Considering I've felt like a waste of human for the past few months.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else get upset rather than angry? So I'm in a situation which is making me really sad basically (don't want to go into it). I've told my friends who have so far all said things like "wow I bet you're really mad?" Or them self saying that the situation has made them feel angry. But the thing is I'm not angry, and now thinking about it I should be angry, I completely have a right to be angry, but I'm not. I mean I am a little angry but the sadness I'm feeling is much worse. Can anyone relate? Or does anyone find this completely unrelatable?
|
self.bipolar
|
Feel depressed for the first time in 4 years I've been feeling terrible for the last couple of days , let me give you the reasons:
I finished school in June last year and over the whole summer not a single one of my friends called or texted me once , I thought I was so close to them but looking back I realized that they never spoke to me outside school and cut contact as soon as they didn't have to see me 5 days a week. Now I'm questioning if i ever really had friends in the first place.
Fast forward through a miserable , lonely summer and I start college , feeling pretty good. However it quickly hit me that all my social skills seemed to have left me and I just stay quiet and sit alone all day. On long breaks I sometimes go to the bathroom just to cry. I felt sad but not depressed , things were that way and I accepted it and generally felt OK.
Fast forward to january , I'm heading back to college in a week and I plan to talk to people and try to make some friends. Also I meet a girl online and we click instantly , texting and calling all day for the week , it was like we were the same person. I'm not religious at all but I genuinely looked to god to thank him for letting me meet her. It was the happiest I had been in years.
The next couple weeks were great , I started talking to people a little bit and I met up with the girl a couple times and it was amazing. I told her all sorts of things I thought I would never tell anyone , I let her know about how sad I was when my "friends" abandoned me and she shared similar personal stories. I had my first kiss and I felt like everything was too perfect to be true.
Which it was. The girl had a really bad bout of depression and was talking about cutting herself or killing herself , It hurt to hear but I tried to support her through it. She's doing better now but she also said she doesn't feel like talking to anyone now.
I was devastated because the first person who I felt truly liked talking to me and didn't just do it because they saw me 5 times a week was now suicidal and never feels like talking anymore. We message a couple times a day but it doesn't feel special anymore. Just casual "I hate working" type shit.
The best 2 weeks I've had in a couple years feel like a dream and I feel like I'm going to be chasing that dragon forever now. I was on tinder for 18 months and she's the first girl I met up with. Do I have to wait another 18 months to find someone compatible with me? I tried going on tinder again but every girl pales in comparison to her.
I'm just really depressed now , I feel like the only true friend I've had isn't interested anymore. I've no motivation to do anything , I just sit around all day waiting for her to text me then I'm disappointed because I waited 4 hours for "I'm tired lol". Just feel awful , I had a taste of a true emotional connection and now it's gone and I feel worthless.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone Else Hypomanic But Also Have The Flu? This is a very uncomfortable feeling. Mind is racing with ideas, but my body is exhausted and achy. This suucckks. Haha, god help me, it’s terrible
|
self.bipolar
|
After a failed attempt I want to do it again just to see what CANT kill me. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't want to go back to the hospital, because the place I was forced to was worse than jail. Anyway sorry, I just felt like I needed to say something.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I really hate getting downvoted Either its a fandom, where I point out something I didn't like about a show or game, and I get downvoted because people don't like that I said something not-positive (even though I make a point to say it's my opinion), or it's just something I'm passionate about in general, I'll get downvoted when I say something that isn't in line with the majority and may even get personally attacked for it. I'm so sick of it, it's like people don't want to hear anything even potentially negative about their favorite thing, or don't want to hear anything that conflicts with their view. I know it's stupid and it's a part of reddit but sometimes it really bothers me, like my opinions are invalidated and I feel rejected.
|
self.offmychest
|
Self-care apps! Here are some meditation apps that I have found, and what they do. I will hopefully add more as I find more, or as people tell about what they use! Thank you, and I hope this helps.
.1. Breathe - Free (with a paid membership)
- This is the one I'm currently using. It has a check-in system, where you share how you feel, mentally and physically, and gives you a session based on that. It also has achievements for checking-in, meditating, and how regularly. It gives you a fair amount of sessions with it being free, too!
.2. SAM - Free download
- Thanks to coloumb for sharing it! It helps with anxiety, and has "help with anxiety now" that you can use on the go. It also has the "Social cloud" feature, which enables you to share your experiences with the SAM community. I will have to check this one out!
.3. Headspace - Free basic pack
- Again, thanks to coloumb for sharing. This is another meditation app, that helps with stress, sleep, focusing, and more. They also have SOS sessions, which can help you during a meltdown. Plus, they have a sports pack, so that you can "keep your mind fit" during a sports season!
Please share your apps that you think help. Thank you.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Thanksgiving sucks Just eat yourself silly and have awkward conversations with your relatives. Or watch concussed guys fight over an oval ball.
|
self.offmychest
|
Im getting worse I was almost ok for a while. I was going to visit some family and friends for the first time in a while and I had been looking forward to that for a few months. Then my flight got cancelled and I nearly had a panic attack in the airport. I had to hold on to my mom so she could lead me around because I was so disoriented. Since then I have felt awful I literally want to die. Life sucks so so much and I want to give up so fucking badly. I have to start going to school again tomorrow because I had to get educated and I just don't want to deal with it.
|
self.depression
|
Aparently, very few people like me.. I'll just go straight to the point.
My whole life long many people didn't care about me. I was never bullied or such, but it was always obvious the majority of the people didn't like me.. and the ones that did would eventually stop caring too.
So, right now I actually have a decent friend group, but it's pretty obvious at least half of them don't really care about me. I mean, one of them shit talks me behind my back (I don't care tho, he has been a dick for 5 years now) and the others mute me in group chats and barely talk to me when I see them in real life (it hasn't always been like that and I don't know why they act like that now)
There's more tho..
I've thought this was the case for 2 years now, but now I am actually 100% convinced! YEY
Why though? Well, they've shit talked me, I never get invited for anything (even if the whole class gets invited), I was in a group and they made me switch because they didn't want me in the group, etc. There's much more, but I don't wanna make it too long.
Anyway, I'm already getting a lot of help (psychologist, psychiatrist, have been admitted in a psychiatric hospital for a month, some extra help at school,..), but I don't feel any of it is really paying off because my biggest problem is other people, and they can't change the way they think about me and all..
I also have Asperger, which makes life a FREAKING hell and this is also killing me..
So, I've always been suicidal and really depressed (for many different reasons), but this is pushing me to do another suicide attempt.. I even already knotted my rope, all I have to do is hang myself now..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I forgot to introduce myself. Newish to the page. I’m “CtrlAltDel” 26 F. Diagnosis is BP 1 with psychotic features(mixed episodes), PTSD, ADHD, Boarderline Personality Disorder, anxiety and depression. Trying to stay positive but Life is kicking me where it hurts right now.
I feel like I’m living in a prison on planet bullshit in the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks... but I’m still alive so... how is your weekend?
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self.bipolar
|
I'm in a drepresion episode and I want to get out!! I don't know what happened to me, that smiley boy, the one who is always making everyone happy, the one who is always happy... Is now depressed, anxious, doesn't know where to go!
I just want to be by myself, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to work out, I don't want anything. Nothing interests me, nothing makes me happy.
I have to take my happiness when I'm with friends, it's so hard to smile. I don't know why this is happening to me, it came out of nowhere. I feel like im under a dark cloud, the world is not the same anymore. Family and friends don't seem real, they are not the same people. How did this happen to me? Why me?
It's crazy to think about depression, now I know what that feels like. Now I can see why someone would want to kill themselves, nothing else matters, you don't feel emotions, you are just an object in space. I hope I don't have any suicidal thoughts, and I hope that no one else has it! Depression is not going to win!! We got this! Let's all remember , what it felt like when we were happy, when we were connecting, when we were alive! we will get back up!
I'm on lexapron, first couple of days. I hope it gets better, I really do.
|
self.depression
|
I thought I was content with how I look I was fine with how I looked for a few months, but I'm 100% certain that I'm so ugly that I'm beyond redemption. I was talking to someone on Whisper, and she basically made it seem like I was exactly what she was looking for. The only problem was that I asked if we could exchange pictures. I realized it was over when she sent a picture and she looked more than decent. I look like garbage in the shape of a human.
 
I know that relationships are not happiness generators, but I really can't find anything worth living for.
 
I'm ugly, my upper body hurts, and I'm really stupid. There are no positive qualities that I possess.
 
My resolution for this year is to die, like I should have last year.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety tells me that my friend hates me This is my first time posting in this sub. I have a very close friend who is so dear to my heart. Him and I had a small blossoming romance many months ago, but he quickly cut it off cold and harsh. We're currently friends, but it's very hard for me. He broke my heart so easily, which makes me wonder if he's just friends with me to makeup for what he did and make me feel better, or if he genuinely wants to be friends with me. We've had many talks like this, but once I trust him again, I keep repeating myself over and over again. It's gotten to the point where he's asked me not to vent to him about serious things anymore because he has no control over it. I live in fear of losing him, so I always ask him for constant reassurance that he loves me and wants to be my friend. But just the other night, he told me that he's getting sick of reassuring me that he loves me, and wishes that I'll just believe it. It just breaks me because I wish he understood how I feel. He's making me feel like my anxiety and depression makes me less then. Whenever I think about actually losing him, I start crying, because I have no idea what I would do without him. He makes me so happy, and the thought of getting to see him makes me want to live. But it makes me so afraid because with all my depressive swings, I'm afraid that he won't want to be my friend anymore because I'll keep weighing him down. He used to have really bad anxiety and depression issues, but he recently told me that he no longer thinks he has depression. I'm so glad that he overcame his depression, but it makes me scared because it'll be harder for him to understand me, and I don't want him to fall back into a hole by surrounding him with my depression. I really don't know what to do. I've explained everything I've said in this multiple times to him, but it doesn't get any better. But it's gotten to the point where I'm becoming afraid to simply talk to him because I'm scared that I'll say something that will make him hate me, and I don't want our friendship to continue like this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to cry and I don't even know how to do it I haven't cry in the last 10 years.
And tonight I want to cry. I don't know why. But I want to cry.
Before I started my meds I felt nothing but exhaustion and emptiness. And thought about noting.
Now, some time I'm feeling kind of okayish. But I also feel sad. Just sad for no reason and there is nohing going on in my head.
I'm feeling like crying could help me
But I can't
I tried listening to sad music and writing some stuff. Doesn't work.
|
self.depression
|
Am I bipolar A little backstory, I’m 15 male with a family history of bipolar disorder, I have 3 brothers 8, 10, and 17 ages, none of them have bipolar disorder or at least yet, my dad 50 years old has bipolar disorder though, in fact hes in a manic episode right now. But about a week ago I started noticing something was off. It was around the holidays, I’ve sort of isolated my self from friends by taking all the time to stay inside and pc game, (although ive connected with a couple of friends on there). My excercise isnt great but definitley not bad, I weigh 101 pounds and im 5”8 which is really underweight and almost a health concern at this point, but I’ve been having racing thoughts and trouble focusing lately, along with anxiety and depression, losing interest in hobbies such as pc gaming and skateboarding, worrying about my health, and all that sort of makes me think. I have a want to play videogames and skateboard rightnow for some reason but Ive , and i feel it could be the cycling of bipolar. Im no doctor but ive experienced alot of what my dad is like and it seems a bit similar. I also read that bipolar disorder usually starts between the age of 15-30. My dad gets episodes sometimes around christmas, and i know everyone can get a lil wierd depressed feeling at christmas, or thats what i read about. Maybe this is my first episode even though i dont feel crazy, just having some symptoms. Having trouble sleep at night too worrying about my health because ive been getting some wierd health problems. Another thing to mention is having a little bit of memory loss, I can remmeber most things but there are some little things like what we had for dinner last night then someone will remind me and i remmeber. Also am under a lot of happiness and stress because personal life is changing fast. Last symptom Id like to say is Im having trouble like putting out words last few weeks losing my train of thought sometimes, another symptom I read about :/
Thanks for reading this, I am not the best writer, I sort of put minimal effort into this post, Ill be sure to answer questions.
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self.bipolar
|
Advice on how to stop taking drugs while on severe depressed episode I can't get out of bed, don't feel like doing anything but then once or twice a week I decide to use drugs, just to feel something and get out of my own head. I'm trying to be strong and resist but it has been difficult.
|
self.bipolar
|
It's not a new question: what's the point? I am so tired of the way I feel.
Psychologist; meds; gym; 'getting out there' some.
It's not that there aren't moments of feeling good. It's that it is just moments. That I clearly don't fucking matter. And let's be clear: it's about mattering to the person or people I want to matter to. Treated less than strangers online.
I hate feeling jealous or envy for things I've no right to. I hate that it's random and that it causes a sharp decline in my mental state. I hate that it doesn't matter to her.
I hate that you spent so much time talking to me and then have it so easy to toss me aside.
I'm supportive of people. I enjoy them. They didn't have to do anything to earn my care or concern. Why do I have to change? Why do I not deserve it? Why is it this person or that person that makes just a token effort and not even you?
Every day I have to convince myself I am supposed to live. Or I drown the day in something that can occupy myself just enough: a game; reading reddit and the same threads over and over and over; streamers.
I love my dog and even though he would be able to thrive through his own issues much better with somebody else, I can't let him go. And that's it. If he dies, I die. Because I have nothing else.
I don't have family.
I don't have friends.
I reached out for you. Why won't you be there for me? Why am I not worth the effort??
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A "not my relationship" admission This is hard for me (an "offmychest" worthy admission in itself). But I honestly don't know what to do. So, Reddit, I turn to you. I beg your collective wisdome. For an informed answer I have to give you all the information, so I beg your patience.
I am the elder brother of a very sick younger brother. I am 30 and he is 28. My brother has neurofibromatosis, a genetic disease that ultimately results in widespread tumor development across his body. There is no cure. It is his life. Unrelated to this, when he was 10, doctors discovered a brain aneurysm. They were able to successfully isolate and correct the aneurysm although it left him def in one ear and plagued by constant migraines. Eventually they were able to mitigate the headaches, and by the end of his senior year of high school, he was able to live an acceptably normal life.
He went to a good college, met a girl, and delt with the residuals of his condition the best he could. This meant constant surgeries to remove tumors, and accepting that his life would never be normal. And to her credit, the girl stuck with him. For years.
**Intermission**
I'm struggling with this. Plauged by doubts as to whether this is something I should share. God I honestly don't know.
**End intermission**
I wish I could say there was a happy ending. That after college everything worked out for him. But it didn't. He struggled. He fought and clawed through job after job. I wish I believed that life owed him a favor. But if doesn't. Life doesn't care. It's a fools curse to think that one bad turn should mean a good one. But he never gave up. And to her credit, she never gave it on him.
Eventually he found a job. Not the one me wanted, but nonetheless a job. He worked on his job and then, he worked on himself. He went to the gym, he started eating healthier. He improved what he could improve. And did his best with the rest. Even when she put on a few pounds. Even when things got tough between them. He worked.
^*intermission**
Going back, I realize how biased this is. My brother was damaged by this. He was depressed, he was suicidal. He was broken. And still she stayed with him. She put up with so much darkness. She waded through a relationship hell that most people could never imagine. And I thank her for that. I do. But the story continues....
**End intermission**
Then, a month ago, he had a stroke. At 28 he had a stroke. It damaged the lateral movement in his right eye. And she was there for him. When the doctor told him it would impact his ability to have kids, she was there for him. For seven years she put up with so much. And I cannot fault her for any of it.
But today she ended it. She broke up with him. She claims it was for so many other reasons. To give him space. To give him time. To allow him to focus on himself. And I can understand that. After so long and so much, it is a fair response.
But what I cannot. What I will not. What I refuse to forgive is that today, the very same day she broke, destroyed, and otherwise killed my brothers heart, is that she posted a single post. Not on the seven year relationship she just ended. Not on the poor kid she left. She posted on social media a fucking picture of her and her friends saying that she missed her "prosseco buddies 😜".
My poor brother is in tears. Curled up on a ball on the floor. And this is the shit she responds with. I can't. I refuse. I will not. I am furious.... But I also don't want to make the situation worse. So I ask, as an older brother. Do I respond? Do I answer her post with sarcasm? Do I beg her to delete it? To give my brother the illusion that she struggles too? I don't know what to do.
Please, help me.
|
self.offmychest
|
I know the feeling is temporary but god do I hate it. The past couple of days have been rocky for me. I’m honestly at the best spot in my life right now. I recently moved to a different state, have been in a relationship with my soulmate who I’ve known since I was 11, and my job is going well.
I’ve been on sertraline 50mg since November and I’m wondering if I’m starting to build up a tolerance. I can sleep for 11 hours and still be exhausted/able to sleep more. I become 10x’s more socially awkward and would rather die than interact with strangers. I beat myself up and almost panic when I make a mistake.
I’m unable to clean my house because I can’t make myself get up, yet it stresses me out that it’s so dirty.
I know all of this is temporary but god I can’t wait for it to be over.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Trying to get over the girl I loved Girl I dated about two years ago is now starting to date someone I regularly hang out with. For these past two years I’ve tried to give the impression that i was over her, and resorted to being kind of a dick to her and anyone she dated. They are currently at a Blues hockey game. I was so heartbroken the entire day, and seeing the Snapchat stories and watching the game was killing me a second ago. The shitty thing is he asked me if dating her would bother me. Of course I said no, and it looks like they are having the time of their lives. I’ve switched between extremely happy for them both and being incredibly sad seeing the girl I’ve hoped would come back to me so happy together. I feel like a sociopath even thinking about her still, but no one else I’ve tried to be romantically involved with has even come close to the care she gave me. Seeing them together stings. I miss her. I think this may be a turning point for me though. I will never get in the way of what they may be. I can only turn my sadness into constructive energy, and I wish the best for them truly.
If you read this, thank you. I’m not sure what to think right about now. I just wish these feelings would leave me for good and I could function normally around her.
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self.depression
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When you try to prove the haters wrong, but they end up being right every time. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Waiting for either the right moment, or a reason to live that I can't refute I've made preparations for my next attempt, I have a place in mind, and a time. All there is in my life is bad people, bad places, bad memories, and one thing after another going wrong. I'm not going into specifics, I just want to know if life is worth it, and why, you don't have to be persistent in trying to convince me, if you can't, just move on, I'm just another person among billions.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to read this AskReddit thread. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7bc8xx/what_would_the_child_version_of_you_be_most/
Read this if you want to spend the rest of the day hating yourself
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self.depression
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Agitation and my lows I was having a great hypomania for a week and it felt great but i just crashed an hour ago and i suddenly felt like every noise pisses me off so much i will just shout and if they come near me and fight ill just beat them and i don't know what to do. How can i stop this.
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self.bipolar
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Right now Spitballing.
My first love killed himself. There’s so many questions I want to ask him, ever since he did it. The usual ones- did it hurt, why did he leave the note he left, is he happier, did he mean to untag everything on instagram except for my posts?
Today I had a new question for him. When did he know it was time? When did he realize it was enough? When did he realize he wasn’t compatible with life? It’s like every day is bad, I keep pushing through. I know I’m incompatible with life living this way, but I just keep thinking- if I keep pushing, it’ll get better. At what point does it cross over? When did he decide that was it? Am I at that point yet?
It makes me feel relief to think about killing myself. After he died I promised myself to never, ever do what he did. Because of the impact it had. I could never do that to my mom and dad and the people around me and kids and friends in my life. But at this point I just don’t even feel anything towards them. Is that it? Is that the breaking point? Or does it get even worse?
I hoped, at the beginning of the day, that he’d visit me in my dreams. He does that sometimes. But I’m afraid of what he’ll tell me. If he tells me it’s time....it might be time. I’ve never not been able to see into my future before. I’ve always been able to look ahead, even when I’ve been my most depressed and anxious.
If I survive this, which I need to think I will, I want to name my future son after my uncle, who’s been trying to help me the most. He knows what it’s like to not want to wake up in your own body.
I have never been in this place before. This cannot be my new normal. I’m afraid to set a boundary- if I’m like this in ____ days or weeks, I need to do _____. This way of living is incompatible with life.
I wrote down what I want to happen with my body and possessions if I die last night. I don’t know if I should add my Reddit username to that. My brother is on reddit....if I kill die, would it hurt to read this? Would it help? I just can’t even see that deep into the future.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I pretty much broke down at work So as soon as I was at work today I started to have overwhelming thoughts and then I thought to myself "don't cry" but the more I thought that I just started feeling worse so I went to a spot that was crowded with items until I could calm myself down, it was a terrible experience that I hope I will never have at work again
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self.depression
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Does it really get better? It's so difficult even waking up and doing anything I really want to believe it truly gets better but I have been feeling like this since I was 15 and I'm 17 now and it's only gotten worse. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for almost 2 years and it's just been going downhill I am going to drop out soon I can't handle high school I failed a year already going to fail this one too i feel so dead and exhausted I have had a day long breakdown today I just want to sleep but I can't stop thinking about what I'm ever going to do with my life and if it's even worth trying I feel like i should just kill myself
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self.bipolar
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Do you use a mood tracker app on your phone? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Update to placebos and psych shots!! So i went to the psych today and told him everything i said to you all(seeprevpost). He didnt say much but he didnt really seem interested in talking about neuroscience with me lol. I told him about the meds being placebos and he asked me why i thought that and then assured me they werent (w/e). I told him i hadnt been sleeping and real paranoid about hallucinating. He then said he wanted to give me the Abilify shot. I was on abilify oral for a while but it did jack shit. He said it would be good tho since its not a placebo and noone could replace it with one. He also gave me some abilify in like packaging so i can tell if someones tampered with them . And i told him I wanted to go on a new med to help with my tricht but he said i needed to be on an antipsychotic cuz it would make me manic.
Next thing i know hes typing on his computer and its silent for a while and then a nurse comes in with shots and hes puttin gloves on and it all happened so fast. Anyway. Got the shot. Didnt hurt lol. Feel a little calmer but still overall good about myself and my escapades. Hopefully this helps with the hallucinations and paranoia and DELUSIONS APPARENTLY 😒 hate that word...
Has anyone else been on the abilify shot or a long acting psychotropic injection??? How did it go? Are you still on it? When did you start feeling the effects?
Anyway. Seeing him again on monday... for some reason. Thanks for listening. Its comforting to just get this shit out sometimes.
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self.bipolar
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I have a (probably) stupid question about psychosis I didn't know if I should post here or on NoStupidQuestions. I may have asked my psychiatrist in the past but I don't remember. I'm diagnosed Bipolar 1 and two years ago I had a pretty severe psychotic episode. I've been on a various cocktail of antipsychotics and other drugs since. I'm not planning on stopping my meds anytime soon if I can help it but I was wondering if the drugs are the only thing keeping me normal. If I for whatever reason couldn't take or get my meds would I revert back to a psychotic state again as soon as the drugs were out of my system or just be more at risk of going psychotic again if something triggered it?
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self.bipolar
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Don’t know what my point is to staying here [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can't handle guilt, being alone This may turn out longer than necessary, but this is my first time typing out my situation.
I've been an alcoholic for most of my adult life, beginning around the age of 17. It was my crutch, my only solace when life got difficult, and it played into creating a cycle of self-deprecation and misanthropy. I met my girlfriend at 22, and at the time I was in full swing of my binge drinking. I regularly blacked out multiple days in a row, my recollection of that part of my life is fuzzy at best.
I do know that I hurt her. I didn't remember the details of how at the time, and still can not today. I had moved away days following the incident and found out through a phone call with her that it was something sexual in nature. It made me sick. I wanted nothing more than to end it right there. I was beyond redemption, I had done something awful I couldn't even remember, how could I live knowing that there was that much of a monster inside of me? It was only her pleading that kept me from doing it.
I got sober that day, and moved back to be with her a year later. Things were going good for awhile, about a year, until a little under a month ago she began growing distant. First it was less sex, then it was I couldn't touch her period, then it was she didn't like being looked at or talked to. She had begun seeing someone else during this time, and while our relationship had always been open, this was different. The more she saw him, the more angry and resentful she became towards me.
She asked for more space, that she needed time to think, that a lot of buried feelings were becoming harder to bury. I obliged. I texted her less, I would leave her alone when she got home. I really believed that in time she would come around. Things only got worse. I became erratic quickly, I started becoming paranoid and having panic attacks multiple times a day. That has not subsided yet.
She would just cry when I asked her what was going on, and finally I mustered up the courage to ask if she wanted me out of her life. She said yes today. I'm devastated, but I can not blame her. I can not blame her for wanting to run as far as possible from someone as broken and evil as I am. I can not handle the guilt of hurting her, I can not handle the thought of losing the only person who supported me through some of the darkest times of my life. Suicide seems to not only be the only option to end all of the pain I feel, but an end to all of the pain I have caused.
I still don't know exactly what I did. We've never discussed it and part of me doesn't want to know. I do know that I still love her, more than anyone I've ever loved before, and I believe the only merciful thing to do is to erase myself from the picture.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Failed my networking MTA exams I expected to fail the first time I took it. Then my professor told me he could get me a retake in 2 days, so I crammed as much as I could and studied my heart out but it wasn’t enough.
70 to pass, final score: 54
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self.offmychest
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can't afford prescribed medication for depression, too depressed to get through a job app to make money for my medication im 22 and living at home like a child
I skipped the only job interview I ever got because I couldn't bring myself to give a crap that day
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self.depression
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Anxiety symptoms -weak legs
-shaky hands
-dizzy / lightheaded / foggy brain
-sometimes i hear my heart racing
-when talking to someone i get out of breath easily while talking (newest one)
-can't sit properly, I have to sit in a weird position or else its really uncomfortable
-easily startled (for example, im sitting in my room, watching youtube and all of a sudden someone opens the door and I get startled) in general im really not a easy to scare person, but this is ridicilous..
Im wondering if I can get rid of these symptoms, if its possible, sometimes I think that im neck deep in this anxiety that there is no way back to 100% normal... but then again sometimes I tell myself everything will be good again. So yea, some tips ,similar experiences / symptoms / if and how did you get rid of them are gladly appreciated:) Thanks !
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self.Anxiety
|
My cat died My mom called me a few hours ago to tell me that my cat passed away unexpectedly in her sleep on Thanksgiving night. I'm 7000 miles away and I've just spent the last hour and a half sitting on my bed crying. I didn't even realize how much time had gone by until I looked at the clock.
She died thinking I had abandoned her because she's a cat and she can't understand why I left but I wanted to take her with me so badly. My apartment is no pets, and I live above the landlord, and my boss says I can't change apartments even if I'm willing to pay extra for a pet friendly place. I tried to fight it for so long because I didn't want my cat to think I didn't love her anymore.
I went home in October and she spent every waking moment with me or on my bed. My mom told me that after I left Cidy wouldn't leave my bed, and was just sad again. The other day my mom called and I asked her to tell Cidy that I loved her, and I don't know if she really did or not and I'm afraid to ask, because what if she didn't? I know it's just a cat and she can't understand English so it wouldn't have made a difference but I still wanted her to know.
I've had her since I was ten years old, and she's always been MY kitty. The first night we brought her home, we had a big friendly collie. She was terrified of him, though, so we tried to keep them separated during the night. At some point, she managed to break out of where we were keeping her, and the dog chased her up stairs. She ran into my room and hopped up on my bed and stayed there that night, and every night after that. Every single night she would come into my room and snuggle with me, for fourteen years.
On Thanksgiving, she hopped up onto my bed and went to sleep and that's how my mom found her after dinner. They buried her in the backyard, wrapped up in her soft Hello Kitty blanket. My sister said on Thanksgiving morning Cidy was very happy, and they cuddled for a while. She also sent me a video of my cat from that morning, meowing and eating and she looks completely fine and I don't understand what happened.
My cat died and I'm really sad and I don't know what to do or say. I know it's just a cat, but it was my cat and I don't even know if she knew that I loved her. And I can't stop crying.
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self.offmychest
|
Afraid To Return To Work I've been at the same USPS job for over a decade and I use to love it and the people I worked for. Over time, people quit or passed on or retired and it's now the total opposite.
I made a mistake on Friday - not a huge one but yet another minor one - and one of my coworkers went absolutely apoleptic on our supervisor over it. Like, anger is understandable but this was way, way beyond acceptable (and he may have been given a verbal warning for it?)
Then my supervisor told me it was my fault and "what am I going to do with you" and really laid it in to me for 45 minutes about how I should be fired by now.
While I did(?) patch things up with the angry coworker, I have to get out of this job. I feel physically unsafe going to work tomorrow but I also have bills to pay. My usual cognitive calming tricks aren't working and I refuse to take the Xanax I have (rebound anxiety reasons).
I don't know what to do with myself. I've been in fight or flight panic for 48 hours over going back. Normally I can control this feeling but this is the worst it's ever been. The only thing that helped a little was applying for new jobs today.
However, I know I have to go back in the morning. I don't know how I'm going to be able to deal with this.
Any help or tips are appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
|
Thought provoking positive post with a touch of doubt which i'm acknowledging but not letting get to me So, i started group therapy (tomorrow 4 weeks) and things have been getting better. I can now accept that my number one priority at the time is finding someone special. I've been using tinder and second girl i've started to talk to felt really familiar. We are texting for a few days now, i got her number and i'm going to see her tomorrow.
I had a lot of people that i was close to in the past and i've never wanted to accept the feelings i felt and never had a girlfriend. I had huge problems (still do but i see progress) with intimacy and commitment.
What i've been using is being patient and didn't get stuck in a moment, if i started over thinking i asked myself what was my first honest thought that came to my mind. When i remember it i get anxious as fuck but since i can't stand that feeling anymore and i'm ready to do anything just to maybe stop those feelings i do that thing that i'm so scared of. Those things in the past few days were always regarding the girl i've been texting.
So when i wanted to text her i would thought i was being needy and start over thinking. Then after i do it i'm sometimes still in an anxiety overload. Yesterday i was twitching so much, i even started shaking out of fear. Then she answers and everything was fine.
I actually came out like i was needy too, this morning. I called her yesterday to wake her up early and to motivate her to do a training. she answered the third time i called and it was nice. I was nervous but it went good. Today i did the same thing, but called her 20 times because she wouldn't answer. I didn't think much i was just doing things that first came to my mind, when she answered she said to me to calm down and such. I said i'm sorry and started talking humorous gibberish. I thought is was over that i screwed it up but then it came to my mind that my mind is racing again. I stayed calm and kept texting her and everything went nice. She laughs often and i get that winking face emoji a lot so i got that going for me xD.
This made clear to me how much my expectations and thoughts made something happen. I always thought i was going to get rejected and i always did, but in my head. It happened a lot of times. What i wanted to say is if you have a goal that you look at positively, if you think that you will succeed you really will.
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self.Anxiety
|
Manage changing your behavior for a SO Through several therapy sessions over the years, I have found that I will probably never find someone who says, "Your thoughts, your personality, the way you are is who you are and now that we understand you, these are the ways which your SO can help you by adjusting to the way you need to be loved and the way you perceive your environment." LMFAO! I mean, I suppose that was what I was always seeking. What I thought I would really see though, is something in the middle. You know, you work on this and SO works on that and you'll grow together and open up new perspectives together. Not gonna happen!
So, I don't want to see the world my way any more. I just want to figure out how to make progress to get closer to SO. I can see how my behaviors and the root experiences (beliefs) which drive those behaviors have been hurtful and damaged my credibility and SO life in general. I want to be wary of suffocation or being overbearing and act in moderation. This is different than how I am especially when manic. So, I need help on how you all changed behavior which you didn't necessarily view as destructive, but they view as destructive. I get the idea that I need to change my beliefs, but how? Did you do intensive CBT? Meditation? LSD? Help a crazy out here.
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self.bipolar
|
I don't know why I keep going Life hasn't been good for a long time no, my hope that it will get better has been slowly going away. I don't know what to do with my life, thr pressure of college and having to become an adult is too much. It seems like everyone around me has a better life than mine. I don't even know what it feels like to bs loved, and ive given up hope that i even will. This new year will be the same, and I'm probably gonna end it before 2019.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone had good luck with support groups (DBSA)? Did you make any friends? Today I smashed a glass and screamed until my parents had to leave the house with the dog because he was going ballistic. That was my third or fourth mental breakdown in a couple weeks due to the state of my life, which has been fucked for years. I have no interest in going into detail here, look at my post history if you must.
Today I finally accepted that I need more supportive friends and also probably more meds which fucking blows. I'm hoping that a support group might result in friends. Though I have been so far gone for so long that despite my extroverted nature I have a really hard time relating to most people.
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self.depression
|
How to not feel so empty? So I’ve hit that numb, care about nothing, spend all day staring at the wall part of depression and I was hoping to get some ways to help pull myself out of this that have worked for anyone else. My energy is nonexistent. I did eat today but only after an hour of trying to get up. I’m on a pretty high dose of meds and worked with a therapist but that discontinued in August because I went out of state for school
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self.depression
|
i'm just a little down and want to ramble a little bit... i just want to ramble a little bit so i thought this was a good place
i fell like my life is a extreme high-low.. not in the sence that i change a lot of things but more just my mood... when i'm in a high-spot its great i mean my live is really not that bad but sometimes i get into lows for the stupidest reasons... stuff that doesn't really matter that much.. and that can hold on for days where i just feel like im physicaly sick.. like if i'm going to puke but in my head and i can't get out of this negative headspace... when i make the smallest mistakes like if i'm a little cheasy at a party from 5 years ago or stuff like that. its so stupid because as i said my life's not that bad besides some usual stuff that happenes to everybody. but i keep getting traped in my own self doubt i, can't sleep or eat or anything.
its just crushing at times... when i stand up the first thing i think of is how i feel and why and then im already done for the day... i would never kill my self but sometimes it seems so obvious... but on the next day it all can be okay and i feel great again and i wonder how it got to this point... i just feel overwhelmed by everything sometimes... i love videogames because when you get a quest it says right where to go and what to do in order and with little checkmarks and if you fuck up you just try again... i tried to put this into real live but it just doesn't work out for me... all the things i'm supposed to do and i just can't motivate my self to get my ass up if my live depended on it... sometimes i feel like i don't have a choice(i know i have and i i dont want to say its not my fault)
tl:dr
im a lazy guy and i'm completely overwhelmed with beeing an adult
my highs and lows in live get so far apart that i feel like i am switching places with someone more copetent
thank you for reading my rambelings i just felt like writing
i hope you habe a nice day
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self.offmychest
|
I wish I was born a guy. I just want to say, no I am not transgender, I've contemplated my gender for a long time and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not. anyways, I wish I was born a guy, my life would be so much better that way. guys in my culture always seem to be superior than girls, which obviously isn't true but i can't change the mind of everyone now can i? i've observed my friends, family and peers and the differences ive noticed make me wish this. don't get me wrong, i'm content with being a female although im not VERY feminine in terms of my personality, i just can't explain in words why i feel this way. i hate having boobs sometimes and i wish i was taller and had a deeper voice too but thats not really a big deal. whatever i dont know where im going with this, i just wanted to let it out. despite all of this, whenever someones assumes im a guy on the internet, i get a little hurt because i feel like im letting them down or something lol
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self.offmychest
|
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