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Manic sex drive? So I've been having really bad bouts of hypersexuality. But since I'm in a relationship, all of that is aimed at my SO. Basically, he knows this and promised me that we would fool around once we were alone and everyone was asleep. (We are on vacation with family) My dumbass stayed up until 3:30 AM waiting for this. But sure enough, he's exhausted. Something about not having bipolar and not being manic.
I am like losing my mind. I feel like I'm gonna snap. I tend to get really irritated when manic too and I can feel it boiling.
The other part of me is ashamed. I don't know where this sense of entitlement to him I have comes from. If our genders were reversed my temper tantrum would be a serious issue; although I still think it is anyway.
I just don't know what to do. I'm pacing and huffing and puffing. I'm fantasizing about telling him off when he wakes up. (Probably not a stellar idea) I can't think straight to save my life.
And no masturbation won't fix it. For some reason I can't seem to? I'm in a really dark, weird place.
Please don't judge me too harshly and say something helpful.
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self.bipolar
|
Touchy touchy I find people who insult others just because they may have a different opinion than their own, funny. Trust me, online, in a world of anonymity, your opinion of me doesnt matter. Just like mine doesn't matter to you. So why get pissy about? Lol
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self.offmychest
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I can't take it anymore I'm 34, have never been in a relationship have never kissed a woman... stuck in a third world country where things like online dating are not an option, my career is going nowhere.... I've been seeking for a job abroad in the hopes of moving and getting a fresh start but it's been years of trying without as much as an interview... been struggling with suicide thoughts almost every day for the last 10 years.. all my friends are married and busy with their own lives so I'm lonelier than ever....
I can't take the depression anymore... don't know what to do... have no one to turn to.... don't even know what I'm posting this I know my situation is hopeless and that nobody can help but still.... just wish there was a way to feel better at least for a while...
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self.depression
|
I know I'm posting here a lot But man there is a lot going on with me.
I discussed this with my therapist yesterday, but my ex has gotten very close to hitting me a couple of times. I hesitate to use the word abusive to describe him... Dysfunctional fits better. He's an angry, misanthropic dry drunk. I've been reaching out to more people lately and gotten some help and support, and he can't even be happy for me. He *said* he would be, but now that I'm disentangling myself from him seriously I think he's panicking. Just this morning he said "it hurts that you're moving on so quickly." Part of me still feels bad, but between the fact that I apparently checked out somewhat a few months ago (when he lashed out at me for hospitalizing myself and "abandoning" him) and that he made me his Higher Power....
I'm getting a separate tent tonight. I'm seeing a domestic violence counselor a little later that my therapist referred me to(also because of my history of abusive relationships). Yesterday I called the place I have an intake appointment scheduled at and begged them to move it up. Only by a few days but it's something.
I'm not saying I'm perfect or better than my ex. Just that we're severely mismatched and I'm nowhere near ready for a romantic relationship. I can't joke about suicide to cope like he does. I can't go through life believing the worst of every human being. And I can't be with someone with addictive tendencies who has basically put me in the position of his God in his head.
I'm starting to remember and try to get in touch with aspects of myself that I tried to bury or ignore to appeal to others. I love seeing the good in humanity. I'm more independent than I've given myself credit for. Death has been my lifelong passion and interest, so I'll be pursuing a certification as an embalmer.
I've survived horrible abuse and even attempts on my life. This is a damn vacation in comparison. I can do it.
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self.offmychest
|
I feel like I’ve already used up all of my energy and I’ll never get it back I’m only 17. People my age are so much more energetic than me, meanwhile I prefer to just chill. Even when I partake in activities that require a lot of energy like sports, I can never muster up enough energy to enjoy myself. I’m extremely boring and bum everyone out because of it. I seriously feel like My brain got old and retired extremely early.
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self.depression
|
DAE feel like a lot of people don't care about you, but rather, they care of you. What I mean by this, is that they care to hear how you're doing and stuff, and they do care of your existence. For example, if you fall ill, they may say something like "Well, I hope ____ feels better soon!" That kind of thing. But a lot of people don't care about you, they care *of* you. If they aren't the kind of person who talks and listens to you, then I feel like that means they only care of you. I have a bunch of family members who I only talk to when I see them, like on holidays. Those people, unfortunately, don't care about me. They care of me. I feel like there's a difference. I don't know if know if these are warbled depression thoughts, or if I'm just realizing this, but it seems to be the case. I know telling people about depression is usually overwhelming, but I can't help but feel so brushed off. I hate when I tell people stuff like "I'm not feeling too well lately, and my life has gotten pretty rough," and they'll simply dismiss it with an "Oh, okay." I can't help but feel so tiny and insignificant when this happens. Maybe I'm not being rational, but I feel like most people I know honestly don't care about me, but rather, again, of me.
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self.depression
|
having a very strange Anxiety attack. I went to the ER last night. They kind of blew me off.
The strange thing is it lasting for hours. I am having to force myself to breathe. Hands numb lips numb.
I have a history of substance abuse and I could tell last night when I went to the ER that they thought I was trying to score a pill or something. .
Slamming some whiskey right now. Hoping that helps.
Pretty scared. light headed, hands numb.. If I try to slow down my breathing, well, then I just stop breathing.
it'll pass, it'll pass.
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self.Anxiety
|
Who/how to talk about thoughts I've been having suicidal thoughts lately. It's happened before, and when I've talked about it with friends, family, and therapist it very much damaged my relationships with each. I know that sounds weird, but people have reacted really strongly and that's made it harder to be honest. This might come as a shock...but people really dislike hearing that you think about killing yourself.
I really don't think I'm in any danger of actually killing myself. I DO think that it's destructive and bad for me and I want to get help, but I don't want to be committed anywhere or receive medication.
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this? I've had a very hard time finding a decent therapist near me and had to settle for an out of network doctor - I'm going broke with this treatment as is, so I don't think another therapist is an option and I don't want to ruin my relationship with my current therapist by telling her about the darkest thoughts.
Sorry if this is a dumb post.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My confidence has gotten so low to the point where I can't improve it. Because of the sheer volume of mistakes I'm making from the lack of focus, I'm helpless and hopeless. Absolutely miserable right now.
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self.depression
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Do you ever get depressed over good things happening in your life?
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self.depression
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My depression is making me push my boyfriend away, how do I stop this? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Well it’s been four days since my girlfriend dumped me, one day after thanksgiving no less. It was a great day, better than my normal shaking-uncontrollably-with-anxiety days. Thanksgiving had just passed and I finally felt I had something to be thankful for, her. Going back I know she really did herself a favor by leaving me. I don’t know how to treat a woman or how to truly love a woman because I can’t fucking stand myself. I was always frustrated and screaming at her. At my lowest point I was hitting her and calling her names. I’m just so tired of hurting the people I care about. I feel like an uncontrollable monster. Is the off switch at the bottom of my pill bottles, sitting neatly on the third shelf of my bathroom cabinet? Please help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just almost choked to death... I’m new to reddit and honestly I don’t feel comfortable talking to any of my friends or my parents about this. I’ve been fighting depression, panic disorder, and suicidal thoughts for about twenty years now. I’ve had an especially bad last few days where I feel like I can’t do anything right and the world is out to piss me off. Anyway, I haven’t been able to eat much and it got to the point where I needed to or I was gonna get sick, so I grabbed a can of tuna. Choked on the first bite. I tried an auto-Heimlich on a chair back to no avail. I went into the bathroom to try to gag myself and that didn’t work either. I kinda just gave up at that point and sat on the bathroom floor waiting to die. I’m not sure what happened but I had some kinda spasm right as the tunnel vision was closing in and it came out. My vision started to come back and I was just sitting there in awe with how incredibly cool I was with dying. I never freaked out, didn’t panic at all. All I could think about was how shitty it would be for my mom to find me dead in my bathroom tomorrow morning. But I also distinctly remember thinking FINALLY, and the irony that I didn’t even have to do it myself was not lost on me at the time. I think I actually smiled. As long as my parents are around I’d never do it myself, but I’m not opposed to natural causes or an accident. I’m a rock climber and ride sport bikes, so it’ll happen sooner or later. And now I know I’ll be completely at peace with it.
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self.depression
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The worst time of the year, again Christmas, and the time towards the new year, has been the worst time of the year again. Just like it is every year.
My mums birthday is on the 24th, which here in Germany is already the day you celebrate and get Xmas gifts. Every year, a few days prior to Xmas my mum starts complaining about it. She complains all year about everything, but this time of year is the worst.
She complains about money, not wanting to celebrate cause of her having so much to do. She constantly nags at my dad for us not having a lot of money, complains that when he gets home from working his 2 jobs he sometimes just wants to chill on his laptop and relax. Nothing is ever right for her.
Yesterday they went out to look for new furniture, ever since they came back my mum has constantly been crying and complaining about money and her stressful life again.
I'm really starting to hate her. I resent her. She is the only person in this household without a job. Not because she can't find one, but no job is good enough for her. It's always excuses, and when you tell her to find a job and other families both adults work too she just goes into rage mode and says it's not her fault or obligation.
Now my dad has run away, he's been gone for a few hours now. He'll probably come back, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.
My dad is old, had a ton of injuries and is sick. He very rarely complains, but if he does my mum makes it all about her again.
She's constantly coming to my room and yelling at me about how none of it is her fault.
I wish she wasn't my mum. I wish my dad had divorced her long ago when my mum tried strangling me. I don't like either of them, but my mum is the person who really only cares about her life and ruins it for everyone else.
I hate Christmas, people always says it's the best time of the year, but for me it is the worst by far. I can't find joy in it.
I'm depressed enough as it is. I want out.
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self.offmychest
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I am so over medication. Me off medication:
- Forget i have to eat.
- SHOCK. HORROR. I actually can feel full, even after normal portions.
- On my way to a normal weight.
me, three days back on medication:
- can't think about anything but food
- not only does 'feeling full' become impossible, but I am never not absolutely STARVING.
- No matter how much I try to diet, eat low cal, and shit I can't do it, because there is a siren SCREAMING in my head. If I ignore that siren, I become weak, light headed, and sick.
- Not able to have any sense of well mental health because I'm constantly STARVING.
- Doesn't matter if all I eat is super low cal food like salads, or keto, or whatever, this is how I constantly fee.
It's all well and good for doctors to tell me to take them, but they aren't the ones who are going to die young because of their weight!
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self.bipolar
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Hygiene while elevated I'm beginning to notice a pattern with my hypo and manic episodes and I'm wondering if y'all experience something similar.
Hygiene: showering, brushing teeth, washing clothes, looking in the mirror, etc...
When I'm hypo my hygiene is above average. When I begin to slip into mania I find my hygiene goes out the window.
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self.bipolar
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I listen to EDEN to help me get through depressive times. What music do you listen to?
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self.depression
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Do you have any lingering regrets? I've said a lot of things I'm not proud of. It's funny because for the longest time, I thought I was good at handling stress. I thought my emotions would never crack under pressure.
Long story short, my boss used to brag about me and at one point tried to get me promoted. Now I'm flirting with the possibility of getting fired. You'd think my common sense would kick in at some point before I make an ass out of myself. But sometimes, it doesn't.
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self.depression
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Ziprasidone/Geodon I'm on 4 mg Risperdal and 120 mg Geodon....
Share stories....
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self.bipolar
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Sobriety Does anyone else struggle with substance abuse? I smoke cigs and pot regularly and have started drinking a lot, I want to stop but the cravings are awful, any advice would be appreciated
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self.bipolar
|
I just had to tell someone about this I have been struggling with my own depression, waves of it, and I isolate. I guess it's the anxiety, but I freeze up. I have so many wonderful beautiful friends but when I'm depressed I cannot stand to face the world I want to hide from them, I want to just disappear. During my own struggles a friend came through town. She got dropped off near my work, asked if I could meet her for lunch and told me she was going to kill herself. It broke me, but it also whipped me into some kind of instinctual strength, that I could be there for someone else, when I couldn't be there for myself. We talked until the sun had come up. I think she trusted me because she knew that I knew what it felt like, i saw a glimmer of laughter here and there, but in the morning, she said, I'm still gonna do it, and she left. I couldn't get ahold of her for two days, and I fucking broke down crying walking home from work. That I was the last one she could talk to, that I failed her. That I was too depressed to pull her out of it. I totally unraveled. But finally, today she texted me and said that I had saved her life, and it meant so much to me. I'm struggling, but strangely that helped me value something in myself. I can't really talk about it to me own community of friends, I guess I just had to say it somewhere.
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self.depression
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My boyfriend is an alcoholic and this is a story I can't tell anyone. [removed]
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self.offmychest
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I still feel worthless I feel as if that I can't do anything right. I'm just an illiterate asshole who can't write and is overweight. The last time someone was my friend was because he felt bad for me. You know how they say "kill the cancer early"? Well I'm thinking if I die then only a few people would care and I would make the world a better place. I'm thinking of hanging myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m too sad to make love to you anymore [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I've made the decision to end it. Probably don't need to make this post but I'm just waiting for people to fall asleep so they won't be bothered by me anymore.
Maybe just have one last conversation with someone before I go. I don't know, I just know I can't do it anymore. I can't take being me anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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why does it seem like its so easy for everyone to hurt me My friends always just seem to spout negative words about me all the time that makes me question myself,like am I really this way? They'd say things like "you look angry all the time" or " you have a resting lazy face" or "You are literally the slowest person on earth" or try to imply I was boring. and I usually just laugh it off. I know I'm allowing them to tease me by not saying anything but Im afraid to lose them.
Sometimes I just wished they'd take a step back and realise what they say fucking hurts, be it true or not. I genuinely do feel that I've tried to be a good friend by listening to their problems and giving them advice and hanging out with them when they feel lonely.
But now, after they are okay and better, I feel so empty. Our hangouts are just them laughing at things i do and say "thats so you" and it could be the simplest of things like dropping a pen.
I just feel like shit all the time. why cant people just build each other up instead of tearing one another down?
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self.depression
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Best thing about starting a new anxiety medication is... ... nothing! In fact, it sucks hairy monkey balls!
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self.Anxiety
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This Christmas is depressing I usually like Christmas. My nana puts up kickass Christmas decorations every year. Even if we don't do presents, we spend time together as a family. This year we aren't doing anything. No one is in the Christmas spirit at all. My papa potentially has lung cancer, he got the test on Thursday and we expect results this week. Nana is sick with the flu or something. My mom is working all week. My boyfriend hates Christmas for some reason. We were supposed to drink all day (yeah not the healthiest or best idea but whatever) and watch Christmas movies and play drinking games. Instead he's playing Xbox. Even my pet bunny didn't care about the presents I got him. This year is just so sad and depressing and I can't stand it. I'm on new medication that is supposed to be helping my depression and it does for the most part, but when I have bad days they are really bad. I don't want today to be one of those days. :(
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self.depression
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I can’t enlist in the military It’s been a dream of mine to enlist in the military since I was a little girl. I wanted to be the first girl in my whole family history to enlist. I wanted to shoot guns and be part of a team and feel a sense of pride and purpose in life.
I have depression w/anxiety, and a hair pulling disorder. I can’t hide the medical records, the chunks of hair missing, and the actual mental disorder itself. All of these are obviously disqualifying for enlisting.
I just can’t make peace with it. I have dreams about enlisting, I get jealous of people who do and can’t be happy for them, I feel like there was a window I could’ve done it after high school before all the issues sprang up and I missed my opportunity. I’m mad at myself and at life. It sucks and I’m not sure if anything else will give me that feeling like I’m doing something that I’m meant to do.
Oh well.
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self.offmychest
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Talking to people brings me so much pain, but so does loneliness What the fuck do I do?
Any time I talk to someone I come away from it just remembering all the slip-ups I've made, and remember every wrong word. Then I get convinced that they hate me.
If I'm alone I feel like I'm wasting my life while everyone else is making memories they'll cherish forever.
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self.depression
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Your loneliness is your fault I know that's very harsh. But someone said that to me yesterday and it's really resonated. I've been very lonely since moving to a new place and I keep hoping that someone will invite me to something or someone will approach me at the library or gym or whatever. But that statement puts the power in my hands. I can go up to people, I can call old friends, I can go to meetups and be intentional. It's time to stop hiding, even though it's so hard to reach out when you're depressed.
This sub makes me realize that I'm not alone and so many others are lonely and seeking a community, so I want to be that person to reach out.
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self.depression
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Fuck it, it happens tonight. Nothing ever gets better. My boyfriend is gonna leave me because I'm such a huge burden with my depression
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm scared I'm scared of my self, i'm fucking terrified. I can't stop drinking,contemplating on doing harder drugs. I currently drunk at this moment and i can't stop thinking about it. How much i feel like i would be better off, and everyone around me would be better off with out me. I can't, I don't think i could ever tell my family how I feel. I don't know where to go or who to talk to which is why i'm here. Everything is fucked my, life is fucked idk where to go. As a black guy thats extremely frowned upon, but at the same time I don't want to hurt my mom. The only person that seem to care. But i also have this over welming filling that everything will be ok as long as im not here. Idk what to do where to go and im terrified of myself at this moment.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm in the middle of a break down I'm not kidding or what ever. I'm seriously having a total mental and physical break down for the last 3 days. I need help.
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self.depression
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Any hopeful stories about finding good significant others despite it all? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm Relapsing Into Severe Depression And Don't Know What To Do. To whoever will bother to read this:
I have struggled with depression for nearly a decade now. For the last couple years, it has been pretty good and I thought I had finally broken out the cycle. But for the last several months, I have relapsed really hard. At first, I thought it might just be a temporary thing and that I would get over it again. But, it's just getting worse and worse. I am not comfortable talking to anyone I know about this, for reasons that will likely become pretty evident in the rest of this post, but I need to at least put this out somewhere. This will be a pretty long post.
When I was 13, I got my ass kicked by my step-dad because I got in a argument with him about some stupid thing that I can't even remember at this point and told him that he wasn't my real dad and I hated him. Now, when I say I got my ass kicked, I mean that I had a hard time walking straight for a period of time afterwards. During this, my grandmother stepped in to try to stop him, but he hit her and threw her to the ground, as well. Keep in mind, that she is the most important person in the world to me and I wouldn't hesitate to give my life for her. Everything went red and I got my hands on a broom or something to use as a weapon. Between that and my grandmother calling the cops, he left.
After that I went to the hospital and he was arrested. But, he got out with a slap on the wrist and a year of parole within a few weeks. I thought everything was going to be fine after that, and one day my mom said she was taking me to a doctor appointment. However, what she had really done was set up a time to take me to a sort of inpatient care facility for "troubled kids". As soon as she had handed me over, she told the facility staff and myself that she was afraid that I would hurt my little brother and sister. I still don't understand that part to this day. After all, I wasn't the one that went on a violent rampage.
She left me there for about 6 months. To give you a better idea of what that facility was like, I would liken it to a juvenile detention center. One where you don't even need to be convicted of any wrongdoing to be stuck in. We each had a cell that we were locked in at night. We would receive 15 minutes to eat breakfast and lunch and 30 minutes for dinner if we were lucky. (This included serving time, which could leave you with a few minutes to actually eat if you were towards the back of the line). And, we were forced to do manual labor most days. Each day was highly structured and the staff were allowed to get physical and rough with you if you disobeyed.
This experience destroyed my self-esteem, self-confidence, social skills, etc. To top it off, once I was out of that place and living away from my parents, I had to deal with constant bullying throughout most of high school because I was the "awkward" kid.
As such, I can't forgive either my mom or my stepdad. But, as I have gone through most of college, I have maintained a slight relationship out of financial necessity. Deep down, I think I still love my mom, but this is largely outweighed by how much I resent her and I will surely never be able to trust her again.
I ended up living with my grandmother until I moved on to college. As I said, I love her more than anyone else in the world. But, even then, I can't fully open up to her because I am irrationally scared of being abandoned. She is in pretty poor health as she is almost 80 at this point and I think about it a lot. I think she'll probably die in the next 5 or so years. When she does, I am sure it will completely break me. I will probably end up cutting myself off from my friends and family. Depending on how bad it ends up being, I might even try to kill myself. (but that's just guessing, I don't really want to kill myself right now).
As for the rest of my family, they pretty much avoided getting involved with me at all for quite a few years. Now, they invite me to some events every so often, but when I go I feel like an outsider and don't understand why they even bother to invite me at all. Maybe its out of a sense of obligation because we are technically family?
For a long time, I didn't have a single friend. In fact, I don't think I had anyone I could consider a friend until I was in my junior year of college. I do have some now, and I really love being able to hang out with them, but I'm really insecure and second-guess whether they actually consider me a friend or if they let me hang around to be polite since we share some classes.
Honestly, I'm so fucking afraid that if I open up to the people in my life I care about, they will leave me, ridicule me, or just outright reject me. It is paralyzing. I mean, if my own mother was willing to just throw me away, why wouldn't others?
For all of these reasons, I have made sure to only reveal superficial aspects of myself to others and keep even those closest to me at arm's length. I don't think anyone really knows that I am depressed or the extent of it. I've gotten really good at hiding how I actually feel, after all. I think this is because of the fear that (A) I don't want to bother anyone with it; or (B) they will use that info to take advantage of me.
Like I said before, it has been getting worse and worse lately, despite me being the most successful I have ever been on paper. I have a decent job and am a good student. I have worked so hard for so long and have finally started getting what I wanted, but it all just feels so empty. There have been quite a few times recently where I will just come home and sit in my room doing absolutely nothing for as long as an hour or two. I don't even have to motivation to do the things I used to like to do a lot of the time.
I apologize that my writing kind of went of on tangents in several spots, but it was hard enough to get it a coherent as it is. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this entire post, if you have any advice I'd really like to read it.
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self.depression
|
Getting laid off two years ago has given me job anxiety Admins, delete if you must. Ha.
Two years ago, I was working at this mom-and-pop ad agency in he South. I hated my job, where I lived, and my life so I decided to find a job and move out of state. I told a few coworkers this because I operated under the idea that they were my friends. One day, the owner of the agency tells me there was no point in my being employed there anymore, and that it was my fault that he did not look for more social media clients. Luckily, I had something lined up, took a job in Ohio, and moved on. Ever since then, I’m always scared I will randomly get fired one day. Maybe the fear isn’t always high, but if I’m not busy at work, I get anxious. The thoughts start coming. “Does my boss hate me?” “Is he gonna let me go?” “What am I doing wrong?” “Why can’t I be better?” It sucks. I hate it. I try to limit caffeine, and it kind of helps. Idk if anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar.
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self.Anxiety
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I’m not quite sure what to do with myself [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Worst Husband and Father ever...actually ruined Christmas Eve I’m that much of a piece of shit [deleted]
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self.depression
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Merry (early to some) Christmas Eve! Want to wish everyone on here all the best. Cheers to all. Keep your head up tight. Everyday is a chance for a refreshed start to something new.
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self.depression
|
I feel like everyone is staring at me My boyfriend and I are on our first date in a really long time. We came to this restaurant we've never been too and right when we walked in, I swear everyone stopped talking and stared at us. It was so weird and now the restaurant has weird vibes.
It's kind of a nice, new place and everyone looked at us like we were rats off the street. We are dressed nice though.
Did I just hallucinate this? Am I delusional? Im having serious anxiety and I just want to enjoy my date with my boyfriend but I'm getting super weird vibes from everyone here and they keep looking at me. Even our waiter seems a little off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom now... to make things worse, i accidentally walked in on an old lady using the toilet because she didn't lock the door.
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self.Anxiety
|
Am I overthinking this or am I being over sensitive? A few friends and I were required to attend a class for certification so we could legally serve alcohol at our jobs. We all sat next to each other. They made plans to go to a sandwich shop after class, but I wasn't invited even though I was right next to them. We've been working together for 5 months now and we see each other most of the week, so I felt sleighted by that. So after the test, we left. I'm heading to the car, still feeling sleighted about not being invited, but oh well? I guess I'll just head on home. Then one of them asks me if I'm meeting up with them at said sandwich shop after I'm irritated and have already lost interest. I figured, why wouldn't they just invite me now when i was sitting next to them for 3 hours before then? I didn't go because that really annoyed me. Does this happen to others too, or am I just being over sensitive and overthinking things?
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self.Anxiety
|
What would I do if other people's opinions had no sway over me? I keep asking myself this in an attempt to find a direction. I spent literally all of 2017 shirking responsibilities, wallowing in self-loathing, trying to avoid any human contact, and getting kinda fat. I hate myself so much, but I spent all of 2016 "pushing my boundaries," trying to be responsible, trying to be optimistic, etc, but it just made everything worse.
I can't spend another year like this. I would honestly rather be dead. But I also can't spend another year trying to be a real adult, because I hated every moment of that, too.
So, like, what would I do if I didn't feel like I had obligations to be an adult, or whatever? A large part of my depression and anxiety comes from feeling like a failure, and being too embarrassed to talk to people because I feel fat/ugly/lazy/unworthy. So I've spent the last week trying to think of what I would do if I didn't care about other's opinions, and just did what I wanted to.
The answer is I would lie around all day and wish to die. In fact, if I didn't care about how people felt, I probably would kill myself. I don't enjoy anything. Even if the social anxiety went away, I would still feel this way because I have zero drive, ambition, goals, etc. I have no interest in living. I have tried therapy and medication, and like I said, I spent all of 2016 trying in earnest to recover via "getting involved," "making healthy lifestyle choices," "investing in my education," "taking pride in my appearance." Nothing helps. I give up.
Don't you hate when motivational exercises just make you more depressed and hopeless? I feel like such a useless piece of shit. I honestly don't know how people hold it together.
I think of all those people in like Syria, how everyone they know and love are being bombed, how they're living in refugee camps indefinitely, how they're escaping their hellhole civil-war-ravaged motherland only to find persecution when they try to flee. I think about the people living in Juarez, and how seeing mutilated bodies is a daily occurrence. I think about my peers struggling to get by every day, trying to pay off student loans and health insurance premiums and rent, and how slim their prospects of ever achieving financial independence are. How do any of them keep going? Why? It doesn't make sense to me. I admire the shit out of them. Even seeing normal people go about their days is as incredible to me as an elite athlete breaking world records. It seems almost superhuman.
I probably have one of the best lives in human history, materially speaking. I have no excuses to fail this hard. I don't know if I think that makes me a spoiled, lazy, awful, waste-of-life human, or if it means there's some fatal flaw coded into my DNA and my utter inadequacy was predetermined the moment I was conceived. Maybe there's no difference.
TLDR: I am subhuman.
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self.depression
|
I don't think I can last pass the new year [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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anyone else find themselves making unhealthy eating decisions? especially when it's one extreme or the other?
somedays ill find myself binge-eating a carb overload: pizza, bagels, chips, pasta, one after the other and other days i'll barely or not eat at all. both times in the moment i see no problem with what i'm doing. does bipolar translate to eating habits with any of you guys?
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self.bipolar
|
I think my friend hung herself The reason i say think is because we can only communicate online because we live on opposite sides of the world. What do i do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Have you ever been in a mental hospital patient? I’m 17 and my mental health is at an all time low. I think about killing myself every day, but I never go through with it because of my parents, whom I love very much. The thing is, my grades have gone from As to Ds and Fs. I can’t bring myself to do anything. I keep asking for extensions but not fulfilling them. I have no friends and I spend everyday sleeping.
After a 6 year battle with depression, I want it all to be over. I’m either killing myself, or I’m fixing this by going to a mental hospital. Do I need my parents’ consent to be admitted? How long do you usually stay? And what has your experience been?
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self.depression
|
For ladies, does your period affect your anxiety? It's a little over a week before I start my period, and I feel sweaty, nauseous, dizzy and just generally more anxious than usual. Not sure if my nausea is from what I ate today, or my period, or both. I know that when I have my period, I do feel a bit more anxious in general, but I don't know if it could affect me this early in advance. Just hoping that this nausea goes away :(
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self.Anxiety
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Wisdom teeth Having some anxiety about having my wisdom teeth removed. The actual surgery doesn't make me nervous, it's waking up and acting stupid. Ive seen videos of people waking up from anesthesia and they are funny but I feel like I'd say something rude, inappropriate, or something personal. Anyone else having/had these feelings before? Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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The walls are closing in. I feel really freaked out. I don't know what to do. There is just such a dark sense of futility and despair and no one understands. I don't know how to make this work. I just don't know how to fucking make this thing work.
I have tried my best.
Everything is dark and feels really hopeless. What is the point of all this? I'm tired of working hard all the time to make things better.
I don't know how to make this good. I have no energy left.
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self.depression
|
Please help me with my SO Hello all,
My S/O suffers from GAD, anxiety, and depression. She is medicated, has weekly therapy sessions, and has improved significantly in the past 5 years or so.
Our issues at home stem from her lack of motivation and general unhappiness. She can't seem to feel joy, despite everything going well for us romantically, financially, career-wise, etc...
This translates into a lack of motivation, which manifests via dirty dishes, unwillingness to leave the house, piles of clothes and papers, and just, a lot of laying on the couch or in bed, even when there's a lot to do.
This behavior puts a lot of stress on me, especially when you combine it with working 60 hours a week, commuting 2 hours a day, cleaning the whole house, taking care of her, and giving her the attention she needs to feel loved.
We just moved, we both just started new jobs, and we are trying to plan a wedding. There is a **LOT** to do. These things get backburnered every day, because we either fight, argue, or she feels sad/unmotivated and doesn't do anything all day.
Has anyone dealt with this before, and if so, how did you overcome it? What can I do as her SO to motivate her, help her, make her happy, etc?
Thanks for your time.
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self.depression
|
My chest hurts so much I’m 21 and have pure-o ocd and anxiety. I’ve done pretty decent at dealing with things, but right now it’s really hard. My girlfriend of 9 months just left to study abroad in another country and I’m so anxious and scared. I’m at work and it’s been a good distraction but it’s slowing down so my thoughts are becoming stronger. I usually get a tightness in my chest when I’m anxious but this is like never before. It’s so tight it hurts and I can’t stop taking little tiny breaths. I know it’s anxiety because this is what it always feels like just not nearly this bad.
I have an appointment with my therapist today but until then does anyone have any suggestions or breathing exercises I can do to calm down?
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self.Anxiety
|
Someone to write this night Hi everybody... I am on the egde again. I have no hope that life will be better someday. Ha, i'm waiting since over ten years for that. So i'm drinking some rum etc. to forget...myself, the world and anything. Nobody can love me. I mean, who wants to be with someone whose struggles with life and depression etc.?
So to stay safe, i just search for some people to write during this night... Sorry english is not my mother tongue. If someone wants to write in german, this would be nice too.
thanks
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it weird to feel good for a few weeks? I'm starting to question if I'm even depressed anymore.
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self.depression
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Me: "Oh boy long weekend i wonder how much sleep we're gonna get!" My hypomania: "no."
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self.bipolar
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Weird Depression Affect Just curious if anyone else feels more productive when they are super depressed but are super lazy when they are only semi-depressed.
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self.depression
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I am awake I'm wide awake. I'm lying in bed but I'm wide awake. I could get out of bed because I'm wide awake. But why would I do that to myself?
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self.depression
|
Empty Nothing in life matters to me anymore. The only people I could ever open up to either are done with me (for good reason because I just ruin everything) or they're too busy making it so if I want to talk I'm basically just butting into their lives and disrupting everything.
In addition to not having anyone to truly confide it, I hate my job, I have zero prospects, and everything I once found fun is nothing now. No job appeals to me, no hobby works (I've tried to start many). I'm just empty.
I don't see a fulfilling life for me. Hell I don't even see a decent one. And the best way to make sure those other people, my family and friends, don't have to deal with my constant negative attitude is to leave.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't always be busy And when I'm not I just wanna die
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self.depression
|
My boyfriend is out the back talking to our new roommate [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I was doing so good. So so good I was so stable and consistent for over 6 months which is the longest I've ever gone. I would go up and down each month. I have recently been affected by SAD, and it's just the time of year I will hate from now on from the trauma I endured last year when my boyfriend/fiancé died a week before christmas. I went to rehab, I got my shit together at work and in my life and now everything is slowly falling apart. I've been back on the pills I hate myself so much for, I have my friends 17 year old son who looks up to me, and what kind of roll model am I? Work I feel sick everyday and want to leave, as well as it's getting harder to get out of bed. I also just had a redditer in another sub call me a fake attention seeker and I had never conversed with them in my life. They offered to help and then came back commenting about me instead of asking me upfront. Either way they had the wrong person and what they did triggered me. My heart is pounding and I feel like a worthless piece of shit. I also will have a lapse in coverage for insurance from December to January and I'm freaking out about my Wellbutrin.... I just wish I would've been the success story..
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self.bipolar
|
Ambiguous Anxiety I'm sitting here, 6am in the morning. I just woke up and my family's asleep. I start doing my morning computer routine, checking if there are new episodes of podcasts or YouTube videos out, that kind of thing. And at some point I realize I have growing anxiety.
About _what_?
It's the middle of a three-day weekend. Nothing's due at work. I don't have any upcoming social obligations. There's not a massive repair needed to anything in my house. It just feels like I thought about something that gave me great anxiety and then I forgot what it was, which of course jumpstarts new anxiety about having forgotten what made me anxious, when there probably was no cause.
This ever happen to you? I've realized it happening to me lately more and more. My antidepressant regimen is successfully treating much of my social anxiety, but I'm noticing this **ambiguous** anxiety creep in more and more, stuff I can't consciously attribute to any particular thought or worry. So far I've just been riding it out, taking deep breaths and practicing cognitive dismissal of the worry. Is there another way to deal with it?
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self.Anxiety
|
Does this sound like mania/depression? I find it hard relating to other mental health people. Most others can sympathize with or maybe even not that serious (not everyone just some people). Mine isn't that serious myself I dont even know if I get depressed. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for my manic episodes and I'll get to that a bit later. To cut the story short about my "depression" I am uber sensitive to criticism and I compare myself a lot and feel inferior which leads me to feeling worthless. I feel worthless a lot and self pity to my family or make threads about it on Reddit. I don't get suicidal but I hate myself. I have such a low opinion of myself and my self esteem is really bad.
My "mania" I just act bezerk. Last time I was smashing windows in my mum's house. I was on the verge of getting fired from my job and I decided to buy a car which my mum intervened and cancelled on my behalf. So I smashed up the house and got sectioned that night. Apart from that I talk a lot of nonsense and message people on Facebook loads of random weird crap. I have loads of energy and think I'm the bee's knees. But I'm actually making a muppet of myself. The doctors have said I had psychosis but I don't agree. I wasn't becoming delusional I had some boundaries to an extent. I wouldn't have thought I could fly for example. I can't really explain why I hurt so many people and became violent etc. I think I just became extremely irritable and any slight conflicts exploded into something more. I am aware I'm being different at the time but I will just think people can't hack the "new and improved" me and therefore try and stop me. When people tried to stop me I would let them know with aggressiveness. Or sometimes I was horrible for no reason and I turned into a racist. I can't give any specific examples of what I said to people that was weird and random but it makes me cringe now even a year later. Thinking about it makes me want some closure. I feel so different and hard to relate to other manic episodes. If you have any similar stories I would love to hear
As I said I find it hard to relate to a lot of people I have no funny stories to share when manic no crazy adventures and my depression isn't so bad that it can be classed as depression I don't think. Thoughts anyone?
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self.bipolar
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I'm not ready to be an adult I don't feel ready to be responsible for things. It's like I was treated like a child all my life by everyone. Everything was handed to me and now all of a sudden I have to magically know how to be an adult. I hate it so much.
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self.offmychest
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Just Some Thoughts I was on risperdal up until last year right before exams ended my senior year. I ended it in April due to lactating. I was on 4mg and it helped in every aspect. I did hate being tired, the constant headaches, heart flutters, high blood pressure, and gaining weight. It helped with my paranoia so much. It helped with my anxiety a lot.
I switched to Abilify but I couldn't afford it on insurance, so I switched to lithium. I haven't seen my doctor since I quit my restaurant job and have become a stripper. I'm on lithium, but my paranoia wasn't going away so I took a 2mg risperdal last night.
I can't sleep when I miss a dose of lithium. I had missed 2 doses and I can't swallow the pills because they are too big for me. I usually break them and put them in yogurt, which makes it bearable. Has a metallic taste, but it's okay. Better than swallowing a whole pill. The scary thing is I can't tell if I'm going manic anymore because since I was in the hospital at 16, I don't get that high manic I was. I don't even talk fast like I used to. It's more of being highly emotionally unstable. It's more where my thoughts feel like dough in a mixer moving really fast and I can't control the settings. I did a mindful meditation video and that helped a lot.
I'm fine right now, calm, but damn, I hate paranoid thoughts. I hate thinking "He's only talking to me so he can get dirt on me. He doesn't like me as a person, he's faking it so he can make me lose my job."
There's so much stress I have and I don't have ativan nor do I want any because I'm trying to rely less on anxiety medications. I haven't had ativan in a few weeks, I found one and took it back then but it's been over a month since I ran out of my script.
Money has also been tight and I haven't been able to afford food up until last weekend, I was living off of noodles, potatoes, and oatmeal, so I didn't want to take my lithium. My job is tricky because when I stay up late I HAVE HAVE to take the next day off because if I keep messing up my sleep cycle, I'm super unstable. I will get aggravated at small things. I will get emotional, and overthink. That's basically it when I'm off my meds. I don't really get all that delusional, but maybe I do? For example, when I'm smoking a cigarette I have to pick up a specific one because if I don't pick that specific one then things will be bad. Or if I don't hold something a certain way, things will go bad or so i think. I keep overthinking things. I'm paranoid that everyone around me that tries to talk to me doesn't really care for me unless I already know them. For example, at work, if someone tries to talk to me, I don't trust them, which is standard in my line of work, don't trust anyone. I don't like people talking to me and it's weird because I'll be having a bipolar episode or so it feels when I miss meds but I'm sleepy, I'm so so sleepy but if I stay up past 12, all hell breaks loose. I can't sleep, my whole schedule is messed up. I have to sleep before 12 to keep myself normal which is hard with my line of work.
I know I should find a new job but then again, paranoia and fear of rejection. More fear of rejection than anything. Living in fear from high school and the bullying. How people were mean and I just relive high school when I see them, but that's a battle of confidence i need to work on myself.
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self.bipolar
|
I miss my friend (She's not dead) I met this girl that i'll call Z about 9 years ago while working and we had been on and off friends ever since meeting. Randomly we'd just stop messaging each other and then we wouldn't see each other for a few years but circumstance would always end up bringing us back together. The last time this circumstance occurred was 2 and a half years ago at this point and for awhile it was nice. I'm not going to deny that at first my intentions weren't entirely pure, I had always had an attraction to Z and it used to be replicated back when we first met but since then that's just been one sided on my end. Early on she brought up the conversation where she literally said that I was friendzoned and to be honest it sucked at first and hurt a little but I got over it. I learned to value her as a friend, it was nice to have her as some emotional support.
At the time I was pining/whining over an ex that I had who I was still in contact with and I do think Z's advice was sound. Z basically told me that my ex was toxic in my life and that I wouldn't get anywhere with my grieving if I continued to be my ex's friend. So I cut ties with my ex and it sucked for reasons that are irrelevant for this story but ultimately probably for the best. In turn I helped Z out with issues in her life that she was having, because she had just drunkenly cheated on her boyfriend and from there her life took a very drama filled turn for the worse which includes being betrayed by a few of her closest friends that made my problems just seem childish. We got along great for 2 years she became one of my closest friends, we didn't see each other super often maybe a couple times a month at max but when we did meet up it was normally us venting at each other. It got to the point where she was even telling me that I was her best friend which honestly made me way more proud then it ever should've.
Then around 8 months ago me and a different friend of mine where planning to move in together to save some money on rent which Z saw as an opportunity to finally break up with her boyfriend and move in with us. Personally I thought it was great I would be living with my two closest friends it sounded like a party I didn't think it'd be much of an issue with the boyfriend at the time because she had been complaining about him since they got together. However as we're looking for places it turns out Z was having cold feet on breaking up with her boyfriend but still wanted to move in with us which agitated me in the sense that she had been complaining about him for so long it just felt like a cop out. During this time we had also planned on doing a 2 week trip overseas which sounds random to the story but had been in the works for months at that point and the timing turned out to just be really good. So us three find a place we like, sign the lease, pay first and last month, etc, and book a flight pretty much all in the same week.
That's a lot of backstory but here is where things start to get shitty, me and Z were at a waffle house where we were having what I thought at the time was banter. I made a joke that was probably derogatory towards women, I literally do not remember what started this but it isn't out of character for me since I tend to be the type of person who likes to tease my friends. It's something that had been going on throughout our whole friendship so it wasn't out of the norm, and I'm not going to go into the whole back and forth but she said something to the effect of 'i'll throw this hot coffee at you' to which I said 'i will choke you out'. The entire time we are both smiling she says something like 'i'll just run away' then I say 'no chance there is a 100% chance that I will choke you out'. Then I pretty much run with it the whole time because I still think we're just bantering with each other and neither of us were taking it seriously. Apparently I was very wrong, when we got into the parking lot she had a huge rant at me about how it was disrespectful and was extremely upset with me. From there it just escalated more and more anytime I'd see her she'd just be agitated with me, started to straight up not answer my texts anymore for a little bit which was a bit alarming because we had to both talk about apartment stuff and our trip overseas that was happening in a few days.
So the trip overseas finally happens the plane ride there is just horrible, she pretty much continues to say that because I told her that I would 100% choke her out that it was super disrespectful. She started calling me a sexist, and I was just flabbergasted. We had been friends for years at this point and I had always been the way that I was. Obviously no one sees themselves as sexist, I do make facetious jokes which I know are wrong but I only ever do that with people who I trust not to take it the wrong way. So after that plane ride we finally land and while we are still in the airport she continues to rage at me there was a point where I just literally pointed something out that we had to do but I guess she already figured it out because her response was "THANKS DAD". At that point I asked her if she'd rather just do this trip on her own which her response was a yes and then we left for a bit.
This is where my username comes into effect because it didn't even take me an hour to give her a call and ask to meet back up. I was in a country literally on the other side of the world where I didn't speak the language and on top of that I just didn't want to be alone. So when we got into our hotel we argue at each other for a bit to the point where she tells me "I don't feel comfortable moving in with you anymore" this absolutely destroys me. All of my money went into paying for the apartment and this trip if she were to just back out like that I could literally be homeless. At the time she was pretty much saying that she will find me and my friend a new roommate immediately and not have to pay rent. I didn't try to argue with her at this point anymore, I feel like I knew her well enough that when she made an angry decision like this that she would follow through because her pride wouldn't let her not do it once she announces it.
The trip was to be fair amazing, after that first night we sorta had an agreement where we were going to pretend like nothing was wrong and just try to enjoy ourselves. I did have some pretty serious panic attacks while I was there though just because the stress was too real, there was just no way she thought that we could get a roommate that fast and if it didn't happen what then? Anyways it never came to that, it took us like three months to find a new roommate and she paid her share of the rent.
I'm just hurt through this entire process, its clear that it wasn't just that one comment at the waffle house that caused this whole thing it's just the way I talk to my friends is her issue with me and it just kind of built up into this. It's just for it to happen like this, I just feel so pathetic because through this whole fucking thing all I can think about is how upset I am at losing my friend. I don't think we will ever be as close as we were before and it sucks because now i'm missing a part of my life that I actually enjoyed. I really don't have many friends to begin with, far fewer friends who I will regularly do things outside of gaming and no friends anymore who I can complain to on an emotional level. Why couldn't she just talk to me about this? Explain what was wrong and why it was wrong and let me know that it was hurting her enough to blow up on me like that. Why do I have to literally think about this every fucking day of my miserable life because I am a lonely and pathetic piece of shit.
We haven't really talked since we got back which was at the end of July I texted her a few weeks ago and she told me she'd get back to me after the new years. I dunno what's going to happen, it would probably be best for me to let her go because I'm clearly way too emotionally invested in this for me to be so affected by it. Ontop of that our last texting conversation where I sorta freaked out on her she said
>Like I said. Take it how you want. I spoke my peace. You don't have to believe me. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. I don't feel guilty. Of the things that keep me up at night, this is not one of them. I'm done now.
Which has pretty much haunted my life for the past three months because this does keep me up at night, is it because i'm everything she says I am or is it because I clearly like her way more then she likes me. It's crazy to me that you can go from calling me your best friend to this, I don't want to think about this anymore I just want it to stop, it's driving me mad, normal people don't stress about stupid shit like this for 6 fuckings months I can't stand my brain anymore.
As melodramatic as this sounds, I just want my friend back.
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self.offmychest
|
How long did it take you to wean off Effexor? I’ve already dropped from 225mg to 75mg. I’m on XR and honestly the worst withdrawal symptoms take about a month to start. (Like, I ended up in the ER because I thought I was dying and they told me it was just the withdrawal.) I’ve read about the Prozac method but I HATE SSRIs because I get insomnia. My psychiatrist & I discussed opening up the capsules and measuring out the beads. She said she can’t actually suggest that but she’s had clients do that to get off of it. She also didn’t give me a timeline of how long it would/could take. I’m impatient.
So, how long did it take you? How did you do it? What did you replace it with? I’m not interested in being depressed so, I know I need SOMETHING. I just want my god damn libido back.
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self.depression
|
for the first time in years ending myself doesn't sound that bad [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Career choice It's all so overwhelming... and I have to make this choice soon. I spend days thinking and analyzing what I want.
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self.Anxiety
|
i don't have a life i don't know where to start but i'll leave my instagram which has a link to my youtube because right now i can't find the words thank ou to whoever takes an interest ah_england
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self.depression
|
A lotte motivation :)) Little reminder: It's okay to not feel okay. It's equally okay to feel okay. All your feelings are valid. Giving in to your mental illness or mental health is not the end of the world. It's not about winning or losing battles, it's about winning the war ❤️
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self.bipolar
|
Feeling alone I have borderline personality disorder, and I was in an online support group for it. I had to leave it because I was being triggered by the admin team, which was very alarming to me. Now, I feel hopeless and alone. It was my only outlet with people who seemed to understand what I'm going through. If people with the same disorder can't even offer me support, then what hope is there for me? I just want off this ride.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Before I was a people-pleaser and now i'm combative What am I missing? How do I find a balance?
Or, should I be ignoring the feedback of others and just doing what I want, even if it results in people thinking I'm combative?
I feel like there is so much conflicting advise out there about this, it's overwhelming :(
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self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone experienced this? Has anyone had extreme anxiety and the symptoms that come with it after once being highly active with excercise and say having an injury stopping consistent excercise and having anxiety for months?
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self.Anxiety
|
Where do people go when they commit suicide..? Hey, I've been very suicidal since 8th grade...im a junior now. Lucky enough I'm still here. But I just want to end it all too be honest..I just don't know how to do it..I don't even care if hell or heaven exist or is there even a afterlife..but when I do end it one day..I want to experience something like Silent Hill.. or like see what could of happened if I was still alive.. something like that, i dont even know. Can someone please answer me, what really happens to people, who are no longer with us today?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Finals I have finals this week and I'm not going to make it. I'm going to fail and I won't be able to visit my home town that I miss so desperately. Moving is what causes my final breaking point and denying me from visiting my friends or anyone I missed because I failed school due to depressive symptoms is the worst punishment I can think of. I hate myself for it I hate my self so so much but I can't help it I have no control. I need someone to save me or help me or I don't know god I just want to go home. I'm going to fail and I am going to be trapped here foreve. Why would my parents even think about doing this to me? Is it not like they can see that I'm suffering and slowly drowning in a pit of horrible. I don't know what I'm going to do because I fucked up my life I fucked it up so badly and now any light in the tunnel is gone. I've lost anything that could possibly give me any motivation to work.
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self.depression
|
A messy, depressed, anxiety filled 26 year old sharing their unimportant feelings. It’s not always black and white. Living with depression is like living with your worst enemy staring you in the face of competition everyday. You can do all the right things, you can go to therapy weekly, you can take 4 different high dose medications and it still won’t be enough. No amount of medications can mend the brokenness inside and nothing you do will save you from the inevitable darkness you’re bound to face while living with mental illness. Depression is giving the heart you never thought had to someone who’s too good for you. Someone who you will eventually break because in reality, you’ll never be capable of living a normal life. You’re either going to love too much or not enough. Depression is writing all these words down on paper while feeling so manic, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry so you do both. I wish I could cut right now, I wish I could get high. I wish I could I feel nothing for just a moment. All the highs and lows, I just want a pause. God, I wish I could just talk to someone without hearing “you’re gonna be okay” or “you’re strong” guess what? IM NOT STRONG RIGHT NOW. I’m barely holding on. I wanna go for a walk and cry but say nothing at all. I want to be alone in a room full of happy people so the voices in head are drowned out. I want to be alive and dead at the same time. I want to stop crying right now and I want to eat a meal lately without throwing it up. I don’t want all these constant problems. I just want to love and be loved in the simplest form. And what I want more than anything is to not want so much. I need silence, I need a break, I need to realize this is a part of me. This is the real me. I’m messy, I’m so messy.
I want less mess. I want rest.
Edit - I didn’t think anyone would read this... I just made my account last night. I have a lot emotions and I heard this is a good outlet.
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self.depression
|
Today, I feel so horrible, it makes me want to die I made a fool of myself at work, felt so stupid after the meeting so I left work, told the boss I'm sick. Spent the remaining afternoon in bed.
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self.depression
|
You can't truly live in the present when you're depressed You're either reminiscing about stupid mistakes you've made in the past, or you're imagining how shitty your future will be.
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self.depression
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Dont want to sleep because i dont want to wake up tomorrow [deleted]
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self.depression
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Any tips on managing when you have no support? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Things aren't bad and I'd prefer not to exist [deleted]
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self.depression
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Redditors, Can you give me advice on how to start driving? I’m always scared shitless.
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self.Anxiety
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Recently started dating someone diagnosed with type 1 bipolar [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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My teacher caught that I plagairized my essay -fuck life my english teacher respected me so much in how i took on an idea and stuff and my grade was pretty high too, but he was very disappointed in me today, i got a 0 on the essay and am thus failing the class. i knew it was so obviously plagiarized but the thing is i did it at the last minute and i didnt have power in my home so i had limited time to do it in the library. no colleges will accept me now im done, everybody said i was promising but now i feel like there's nothing to life anymore. Its not just that though I also literally have no friends because my volume was low before and im still tryingto improve my speech, its hindered sometimes. Also im contantly bullied people who i thouhg were "friends" told me to kill myself, list goes on and on too much to list here. I have 75+ scars on my hand. I cut myself not just at home but at school, tried in every class including the bus but no one cares, even when I know they're looking at it. And my therapist that I got spwewed some new age bullcrap which made me more depressed. fuck life really lief is this meaningles piece of shit journey that inherently has no purpose why are we doing this whyhhyyyy?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? LIFE IS HELLL FOR MANY PEOPLE WHY DOES LIFE EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. NO ONE CARES. I might get a few friendly resposnes to this but I know deep inside that NO ONE cares, will ever care. keep getting your karma, real and fake. I sound very very very selfish right now but I'm to the point where I kinda have to feel lik ethis. I been yearning social contact a true fiend but nothign everybodys fake as fuck who cares tho you know were all gonna die someday
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self.SuicideWatch
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When my girlfriend gets mad at me I get super anxious.. help Sorry I am on mobile...
But as you can see in the title, whenever I make my girlfriend mad or upset I get overwhelmed with anxiety. I take some meds daily and I’ve gotten a pretty good hold on my anxiety and my girlfriend is really supportive of me but when I make her upset or angry I just crumple and get super anxious even if she is reasonably upset for something I did. I know the logical thing to do is not to make her upset, which she doesn’t a lot but i just need help or some tips to help me.. thank you
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self.Anxiety
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Bye In this life, the only constant is yourself. The world doesn't care about how sad you are or how lonely you feel. Things don't happen like in the movies. There aren't always happy endings and for many there aren't always happy beginnings. You may die sad and lonely and the world could care less. Miracles dont happen. We live in a world where luck is the driving force behind our lives. If you don't have it, then you're alone. We either attempt to make our own destinies or we let chance do it for us. The world is a cruel place though. Why we were brought into this life in the first place is still a mystery to me but if there's one thing I know in this life to be true, it's that all you really can count on is yourself, and even that's not true sometimes, and that's why I can't do this anymore. All I ever feel is a hollow, empty pain. Chelsea was the last straw. I'm a failure at everything I do. I know I'll be alone for the rest of my sad life so what's the point of even continuing. I'm so, so very lonely. Every night I close my eyes I pray that I'll open them to a girl I love next to me but it's always the same empty spot. I fell hard for chelsea and that was the happiest I had been in months. I thought maybe there would be a light in my life, a Beacon of hope in this void that is my life. I shouldn't have allowed myself to get my hopes up again. I really thought I could be happy for once, but when I realized she doesn't feel the same way about me, that pit in my stomach became a crater. What was left of my happiness has been torn to shreds. This life is a joke and as time has gone on I've only grown sadder and lonelier. I try so hard to keep this happy facade I put on going, and I'm sure on the outside I seem happy to you all, but on the inside I'm hollow. I cry myself to sleep most nights and I dread even waking up to repeat another day in my miserable, lonely life. I really thought I'd have a chance at happiness here but God has once again played me. Once again my hopes have been built up just to come crashing down around me. I can't do this anymore. I'd rather not feel at all than feel this way for the rest of my life. They say it gets better, but I've felt this way for months and it's only gotten worse. Taylor, you've been the best of friends to me and I can't thank you enough for being with me through this hell. Good luck with your future, and don't let kaitlyn go; she's a keeper. Mom, dad, eric, Ashley, I love you guys so much. Don't mourn me. This is a better path for me than what I was on. Thank you for all you've given me. Chelsea, I hope you find someone that treats you right and that feels the same way about you as I did. Hanging out with you provided me with some of the only happy moments I've had recently and I thank you for that. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I'm sorry you guys have had to read this but I'm in too much pain. This is truly the only way out. Please, live your lives to the fullest and do what I couldn't; be happy.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicide when you're in your early 20s is sad, suicide when your in your late 20s/early 30s is seen as pathetic It's like some magical threshold I have now walked through where no one gives a shit and if I kill myslef now after 'holding on' 'it's gets better' 'one day at a time' I'm now seen as a pathetic loser who could get his act together.
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self.depression
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Got back Just when I was starting to feel a bit better more consistently, I get my Linear Algebra exam back and it's a 44. I knew I didn't do great (I can't fucking focus with all these shitty thoughts running through my head), but fuck I didn't think it was that bad.
I've always been pretty smart but I'm just sliding down the slopes now. There's no bouncing back from this. I don't know what to do anymore.
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self.depression
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Sketched something related What do you think? I'm not very good at it
https://imgur.com/jUK6rsf
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self.depression
|
I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending. The stress and my anxiety have become too much to bear. I am in a hole that I can't pull myself out of. I don't know what to do, and those around me continue to either ignore or downplay my problems. I don't want to be told "Everything will be okay", "Give it time", "You will beat this". I'm tired of words, especially from those that could care less about my situation or happen to be one of the direct causes of problems A, B, or C. I plaster on a smile, if just to keep them silent.
But it's exhausting. I can't keep this charade going anymore. I don't want to get out of bed anymore. My joints ache, and my chest hurts. I've barely eaten anything all week, and I don't remember the last time I took a proper shower. This is not the life I want. And, no one really seems to notice.
The main source of my distress would be my dental health. I am a 24 female that is in need of partial dentures. I only saw the dentist once, when I was 15. Since then, it wasn't a secret that I had missed out on preventive care necessary for a child born with weak enamel. I didn't see the dentist again until I was 23 through the health department after dealing with three severe tooth infections that involved emergency room visits, two broken molars, and seven teeth decayed beyond repair. Even through the health department, I still cannot afford the services needed to fix my mouth. I can't smile. I'm scared to open my mouth around strangers. But worse of all, I'm very limited in what I can eat because of the broken molars and fear of another infection.
I can't apply for credit cards to solve this issue. I'm already in $4000+ worth of credit card debt that I've defaulted on. I won't deny that I am at fault, as I applied for one too many cards and allowed my ex to walk all over me. He made empty promises, telling me he'd pay me back if I used a card to buy him video games or other electronics. He never did, but because I was so scared of losing him, I continued to let him use these cards. He broke up with me over a year ago to dodge payments, and I couldn't admit to my family that I was in debt. They still don't know. I prefer it stay that way. That scares me more than losing teeth.
I'm trying to find a job. I've been on the hunt for almost a year. It's not that I'm incapable of finding a job. I have experience and availability. The problem is transportation and my grandmother, who I live with,policing everything in the house. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and while it was taken care of before it actually began, she milks this whenever she can. My grandfather was forced to retire early to "help" her around the house, and I can't leave the house longer than a couple of hours without her going into a panic. I want to get out of this "hole", but she's the main obstacle blocking the way.
I feel smothered. There is no escape. My life is in ruins and I don't know how to fix it. I have friends, a great boyfriend, and two cats that double as therapy animals. Yet, I feel so very alone... crushed under the weight of my own insecurities and debt.
I can't afford to leave, and if I could, I don't even know where I'd go. All my friends are out of state, some being in Canada (like my boyfriend). I don't have a passport, not like I can afford one, and I have no family here willing to take me in.
I just don't know what to do anymore... But I'm tired of the mistreatment from my family, tired of teeth breaking, and tired of unemployment. I don't want to die, but I'm tired of feeling trapped. Death seems to be the only true release. I'm scared. How will my boyfriend, a man that has never actually met me in person, react? What will happen to my cats? Will my family actually miss me?
I don't know. It's the uncertainty that scares me more than death. But right now, I feel like I am more of a burden alive than dead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My pets have saved my life A little about me, I'm a 19 yo female who has just recently been diagnosed bipolar but have been struggling pretty badly with it for two or three years now. I love animals more than anything on this earth, I have worked at many different animal hospitals and have three of my own babies: a dog, Daisy Mae, a guinea pig, Neville, and a bearded dragon, Ben! I just recently got my bearded dragon about a week ago, and I almost didn't get him because of my bipolar. I was so petrified that I would fall into another crazy deep depression and not be able to properly take care of my animals. Especially a reptile since they have a more complicated diet. But ever since I got Ben, I have been feeling so wonderful and the same thing happened when I got my other two babies! I now have my guinea pig on a mainly veggie diet, and my bearded dragon also gets veggies everyday. So it's giving me a reason to get out of bed, I have to cut, clean, and prepare their veggies! It's getting me out of bed, and forcing me to eat healthier since I'll snack on the veggies as I'm getting their food ready. I don't know where I would be without my animals, they give me a reason to live. I can't even count the number of times I decided against ending it, because then who would take care of my animals? No one knows them like I do, they need me!
Sorry for the long post, I just lovely animals so much and they deserve all the appreciation in the world
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self.bipolar
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Body zaps/panic attack? I’ve been struggling lately with what I think are body zaps or maybe even panic attacks. I suffer from anxiety and everyday I feel intensely anxious about basically nothing. I’m constantly worried about doing simple things like going to the store, meeting people, I’m even stressed about my relatives visiting my house. All this causes me to feel these intense body jolts, like an electric shock is going through my body. It’s mainly around my neck area/ head, it’s almost like I’m gonna have a seizure or something. I don’t know what to do, I told my family about this and they just don’t listen, I told my therapist I wanna try other medications and she’s not really listening either. This is affecting my everyday life, I can’t get a job where I directly have to work with people because it’s just so terrifying to me.
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self.Anxiety
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I’ve made some progress! Hi guys,
Just wanted to share My progress today!
I went to the doctor, and finally got to Talk through My anxiety that i've had since My childhood! And she thinked that it sounded like a reasonable idea for me, to start on medication. Which was my idea!
I've been under threatment for almost 2 years with CBT therapy, but I've never managed to shake off the anxiety symptoms like bad stomach and thight throat, so hopefully the meds will help on that!
There is still a bit way though, since I have to go through some checks, before we decide on what type of medication it will be!
But I'm so proud that I took the step, and I'm looking forward to finally beat the anxiety for good!
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self.Anxiety
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I honestly don't know if I could last in this world or if I even want to try
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self.depression
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I am not depressed because I am sad, I am sad because I am depressed.
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self.depression
|
FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
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Just venting about our so called medical and insurance system When I was 20 and newly married I took birth control pills for a bit. Bad reactions. After I never had another normal period. Bleeding, cramping, etc etc. They kept giving me different drugs to try to fix it. Never happened. And at one point tried to get pregnant. Never happened.
40s I tried to get a hysterectomy. No go. Too young. You may change your mind about having children. What part of I tried and it didn't work did those doctors not get? 9 doctors in 10 years. No fix. By 40's I no longer wanted children. Sorry, this is just too old to have babies and by then I had a wonderful but disabled husband. First husband had died of cancer.
40's still problems. Learned to live with it somehow. Found some herbs that really really helped finally. Got though menopause with some problems but doctors still just fluffing me off or wanting to give me drugs I no longer even wanted to try. The ones I had taken on and off to supposedly fix things had warnings about cancer down the road.
2010. Problems started again bad. No insurance as I only ever worked part time as I took care of a dying father in law and mother in law for years keeping them out of care homes and bad care.
So I had no money except for some savings I had painstakingly saved for years for my retirement as I knew I would not get hardly any Social Security. I had a paid for house we had inherited and they would have been happy to take that and all that would have not gotten anywhere near the cost of surgery. And they said it was just hormones and just learn to live with it.
Last summer it blew up bad. Oh my, now I have insurance!!!!!! Suddenly I am at doctors, getting tests, the works. You need a hysterectomy!!!!!! You have cancer!!!!!!! Now the damned thing is out and I am facing radiation. I don't even want to know what insurance will have to pay for all this. If they had taken it out in my 40's when I first suggested it, it would not have been near as bad, no cancer etc etc etc.
So I am mad and ranting. It is what it is at this point but this is so typical of the so called American health care system.
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self.offmychest
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My parents are indecisive So my grades are kind of low. I'm not failing any classes, but I'm not a straight A student either. In fact, my parents are worried I'll end the semester with no As (which I know for sure is not going to happen).
Anyway, when my dad saw my "low" grades he told me it was because I sleep too much. He said the only thing I am good at is sleeping.
My mom agreed with him.
Whoa there. Yes, I take naps after school. BUT I also stay up late at night (2-3am) to study.
What's kind of crazy is that although my dad said he wanted me to cut down on sleep to study, he came ito my room at 2 am today and told me to go to bed. I had taken a 3 hour nap after school, and I really wanted to work on homework and projects and college applications, but now he wants me to sleep.
He told me to cut down on sleep, and when I did that, he told me to get more sleep.
Idk what he wants from me - to be honest, I can't always get good grades with lots of sleep - there are AP classes and so many other stuff gobbling up my time
Having indecisive parents are kind of hard. You do something to try and please them but then they change their mind and it's like your hard work was for nothing
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self.offmychest
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Intense feelings of not wanting to exist/ wanting to escape and be alone somewhere forever [deleted]
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self.depression
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