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I had my first panic attack on Thursday and I have no idea what to do I had a panic attack on Thursday night when I was out with my friends and boyfriend. I don't know what set it off, I think maybe because I couldn't see my boyfriend but I'm not sure, but I was crying uncontrollably and I couldn't breathe. A security guy helped me and kept asking if I take anything for panic attacks, to which I said no and he said that I should. I've always had bad anxiety but I've never really seen anyone about it because it just makes me too anxious (lol). I have no idea what to do? None of my friends knew about my anxiety before and now they all know and I feel so embarrassed, I don't know how to be around them now. And a guy who is good friends with my manager was helping me for a few minutes and I'm scared he's going to say something to her.
Also I work at a bar and I had a shift last night and I felt like I was going to have another panic attack but I kept it at bay. It felt like it was just at the surface all night, and each time I had to open a bottle of something fizzy my heart was pounding because I thought the cork was gonna pop out and hurt me or someone else. This is really stupid I know but I got so anxious each time I had to do it.
I think maybe I should go to a doctor but every time I've mentioned mental health whilst seeing them for something else they don't seem to take me seriously and try to rush me out. What should I do?
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self.Anxiety
|
This Thanksgiving... I’m struggling not to blow the fuck up in anger today, but I’ve been
tried by a couple things for these past hours. The first thing was meant as a joke, but it really pissed me off, and the following instances were merely trivial things related to my brother nagging me to help out more with the cooking. Even though I was completely open to it and was literally right at their side as the dining room next to the kitchen, ready to beckon to their call for a specific tasks, my older brother was still annoyed by how I wasn’t “willing” to help out. Normally these sort of naggings wouldn’t completely bother me,at the most just annoy me but having to suck it up, but the first instance of pissing me off moments before made such an impact, there was still residual anger that latched on to my feelings towards my brother’s nagging. And from then on, I was just seething with rage inside that it was fully expressed in my face. I did not want to converse with anybody AT All and just wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, my older brother’s one of those “oh, so you’re mad now, you’re not talking now” individuals. And those comments fueled my rage even more. So now I’m desparetly seeking refuge away from anybody as I type up this post to avoid anything else that may propogate my childish anger. I don’t think anybody is acknowledging or cares about this desire, but instead forcing me to behave extrovertly with everybody else. I swear to god, I may just lock myself in my room for the rest of the night, sacrificng my hunger and dignity to ensure my independence.
This is what I’m starting to hate about the holidays...
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self.depression
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I really really really want a boyfriend. But I'm ugly and nobody ever likes me.
Still, I believe that he's out there somewhere. It's like the worst game of hide and seek ever, I'll never know where he might turn up. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe a year, or even a decade or two.
I don't know who you are. I don't know where you are. But I know that you're out there. It hardly ever feels lonely at night even when I'm alone because I'm giddy with excitement whenever I do meet you. You're just being a little late. Nobody's perfect.
When we do find each other, you might have to forgive me for finding it hard to let you go.
Just like yesterday and every single day before. I'm sure you're sick of hearing it by now, but you're most amazing person that I will meet and I love you for it.
Maybe I'm just drunk and tired.
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self.offmychest
|
asking for help let me break it down: i'm unhappy with my life. i think life is ultimately unfair and i think it's selfish that we have to live life based on our income and work the entire thing away. i'm 18 about to be 19. i absolutely love music.. it's my passion. right now i'm basically chasing a rap/r&b career that seems so far out of reach. i broke up with my girlfriend because i have some desire to move to LA in the future and i don't think she could handle what could possibly come. i've been depressed my entire life. i feel guilt in having this desire to go because of my family and friends, but i see no purpose in life. i'm just unhappy.
my depression eats away at me all the time, everyday of my life. i'm just ready to end it all honestly. i feel like my long-time bestfriends are moving on to other people and it hurts. i just don't know what to do at this point. i'm slowly being pushed to do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Scared of the future So I'm currently in my third semester of engineering in Germany and approaching exams which I somehow can't motivate myself to study for. Reason for that is that I was meant to do an internship of 3 months before the end of the third semester.
I really can't explain why I didn't do that internship. I guess it was partly that I can't really see myself working in engineering in the future.
However exams of the previous 2 semesters went quite well and and I was happy to see my parents happy. Nonetheless I had to tell them at the beginning of this third semester that I still didn't do the internshipI'm obliged to do. That's where I almost collapsed. Seeing my parents disappointed and sad. It hurts so much.
So I applied for an internship at 7 different locations but didn't get an answer ( aplied just 20 days before the day I aimed to start so I get why I didn't get a response).
I now have 3 exams in at the end of January but I don't know what to do regarding the internship.
My sister which is currently on vacation asked a friend of hers and managed to get me report papers that I had to fill out. Which is something you have to do while you do an internship. But I can't fill out 3 month of daily reports without doing the internship. The problem is that my parents don't know that so they still of the belief that I'm writing those reports and that I'll have them ready in two days after my sis is back.
I really don't know what to do. I'm scared of going to the professor who is responsible for the internships of my faculty because of the possibilty of him saying it's too late and that I will be thrown out of the uni.
I've never regretted something so bad. Why didn't I just look for internship a year ago. I've never wanted to go back in time so bad.
I'm gaining wheight so fast due to binge eating crap. I'll have to call my football coach and tell him I'm not coming anymore. I've never thought a mistake could impact your life so immensly. I don't know what to tell my parents on sunday when I have to show them my reports. I hope to one day be happy again
Tldr; Didn't do an internship I was obliged to do, dissapointed parents, let family down, feel mentally and physically weak
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self.offmychest
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Off of antidepressants I’ve been off of antidepressants for a a few weeks. I think I took my last antidepressant in November. I abruptly stopped them! I got some new refills in the end of June but I didnt use them until the end of October. I did this because I abruptly stopped then too.
So four months I was antidepressants free. I was fine the whole time. I had fun in those months. The extremely vivid dreams stopped (even though they weren’t really a problem). I can’t really remember any other side effects.
But when I restarted in November the antidepressants made me realize how shitty everything got all of sudden. It made me realize I had symptoms of ocd all of sudden too. I was already characterized as someone who had severe depression his whole life. So what the hell? Did me being off of antidepressants force me to develop ocd and abruptly stopping contribute to that also? And this OCD is really controlling my life at the moment too. Was it a good idea to abruptly stop?
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self.depression
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Should I tell my employer? Hey guys. I feel kind of disappointed in myself that I'm back on this sub again for the first time in a couple years, but my anxiety and general feelings of uneasiness and uncertainty have been stacking up again. I just finished working a huge year long and very stressful job, and I'm about to start another one. In reality I know that this new job is going to be much better than the last one and the environment will probably be a lot better, but I still can't help but think that I'll be once again susceptible to attacks, especially in the beginning. My new boss seems to be really nice and understanding, so do you think it would be a good idea to let her know right from the get-go about what I've been up against and what I may be anticipating? I think telling her could make me feel more comfortable at work, rather than it's like I'm keeping this huge secret, but I don't want it to ruin my chances of moving up or even keeping the job. Has anyone done this/had experience with this? Much thanks in advance!<3
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self.Anxiety
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How do you cope with your anxiety? My ocd therapist has me doing mindfulness. I take my meds but still get very bad anxiety. The mindfulness has stopped over a dozen panic attacks in the past few weeks. It's hard but I think it's rewiring my brain. What about you?
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self.Anxiety
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Am I even actually bipolar? You ever feel so ok that sometimes you’re like, “is there actually something wrong w me or am I normal and are these moods just normal ppl moods?” Sometimes I wonder if I’ve just been convinced and tricked into thinking that there’s something wrong with me... am I just pms-ing or insecure or do I just have a shitty attitude? And then these thoughts are just racing around in circles and running into other thoughts and then I’m up and down and finally settle on one end of the spectrum and it’s not ok but I still ask myself if “normal” ppl experience this too bc sometimes i can’t tell if I’m being extreme and I feel like I’m not allowed to feel any sort of way bc I’ll get a bad reaction out of someone bc I’M being CRAZY so before I act crazy, I need to keep myself in control. Idk. I’m scared. Idk where I’m headed rn. I ran out of mood stabilizers and sleep meds.
I know I’m headed either up or down but I can’t even talk to anyone about it bc I’m embarrassed and the only person who actually knows how much I suffer w this is my mom but I don’t want to worry her.
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self.bipolar
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how do you deal with this thing of "Letting go" [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Every day my anxiety get worse, and it's slowly pushing me to my limits. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feels like theres a giant door My life feels like the whole time in my life up until about 8th grade is an open field that has infinite space and any time after that feels like there was a door put there that i opened and went into and now im trapped in a tiny ass room that I want out of. It's hard to put into words but i feel like everything is a lie
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self.depression
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My girlfriend Because Christmas is tomorrow and my 1 year anniversary with my beautiful girlfriend is just 5 days after the new year I just want a platform to express how well life has gone for me over the last 12 months.
In January I started dating my girlfriend and she is the light of my life. We’ve been friends for 6 years and we are finally more than friends and she makes me happier than I ever thought was possible.
We’re coming up on January again and I can only say that I’ve only grown into a better, happier healthier person. I don’t know if this was the right place to express this but I just wanted to let these overwhelming feelings of joy and happiness out.
Merry Christmas everybody!
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self.offmychest
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I freak out if my boyfriend doesn't answer the phone I know that it's totally irrational. I know he's probably asleep, or busy, or away from his phone. But my mind can't help racing through every extreme possibility and my face gets hot and my heart starts pounding. I'm so scared. What if he's dead? It's been almost three hours.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm a college student and I'm in the middle of a depressive episode. Please help me. I missed most of my classes last week because I couldn't get out of bed and I have midterms coming up.
Any tips, advice, or encouragement will help. Fellow/past college students - how did you keep your shit together?
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self.bipolar
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Looks like I will be spending the holidays away from my children. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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This is my fourth Hanukkah party I've been to in a row Seriously, I have a final on Monday and I have to go to all these damn Hanukkah parties. Kill me please. I drank two beers and a shot just to survive through the event. Somebody shoot me. I have been feeling so stressed and depressed and I can't handle all this social nonsense. I wish I could live alone just so I wouldn't have to go to all these damn parties.
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self.depression
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How do I get my psychiatrist to give me a regular prescription for Xanax? She’s very weird about it but I genuinely need it for my anxiety [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Birthday wishes request Hello community
Today I am 20 years old, the past few months have been ones of the worst of my life but I know it will get better. Due to different circumstances I live abroad from my family and being a full time student and full time chef, means I have zero time at all, just work and uni.
I though I would be more OK with being completely alone on my birthday but it has hit me deep, Christmas will be a similar story
So I would like to request from you community
If I could have some Birthday wishes, a couple good nature words would really make my day
Thank you L
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self.depression
|
Well, everything arrived and I've done test runs.Going to kill myself now. Well, see ya later I guess. It's my 20th birthday in 23 minutes and I have to die by then. Cutting it a bit close, I think haha. I've commented here a lot before on a few different accounts. My first (and last) post here though. You're all so kind and sweet, I think I just wanted to say that. Whelp, goodbye guys. Blessed be. Thank you to everyone I've made friends with on reddit. etc also go learn how to solve a Rubik's cube or lock pick. It's fun and anyone can do it. I guess I'll die then (shrugging guy emote).
See ya later alligator
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self.SuicideWatch
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I Finally Got Over A Girl I've been infatuated with her for years and everytime we meet I fall head over heels, but this time it was different. I still was in awe of her beauty but I didn't feel that same connection. Ive fallen for her so much that this time I just don't have the energy to do it all over again.
There are so many beautiful and interesting girls that I've lost the thought of her being the one for me. I don't care for this game again, I just want to feel less alone. Just to be with someone who understands and shows me compassion. Everything else comes second to being able to feel less alone in this big and scary world.
I used to think she was the one who could save me. The one that I felt something truly real for, but that's just a bullshit lie. It's just like every other love for someone, a chemical reaction that'll eventually flicker out. I don't think there's a girl that'll ever be the answer, the solution to my problem. Girls are just distractions. If love isn't what we're fighting for, then what is it.
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self.depression
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Just got a haircut. Feels refreshing. Hopefully this day wont completely suck ass like all the rest
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self.depression
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I will never achieve my goals or be able to feel like a real person. I've pretty much reached my final decision (haha, double entendre).
I found a way that won't leave a mess or force my parents to be the ones to find me. My room is spotless and my shit is organized and categorized into a database, so getting rid of my stuff oughta be easier on my family than if they had to sift through everything themselves. Everything's ready to go but in the past ya'll have been so helpful I felt like I needed to leave a parting message on my reddit account before I go.
So... bye, I guess. I wish I could have met all of you IRL and under different circumstances. I hope you can find what I couldn't.
edit: Turns out Death didn't want me either. What a dick. Anyway I ain't dead. It was disappointing at first but I guess I have a second chance to unfuck myself and do some good (even if statistically speaking there is now a 1 in 25 chance that I try again and succeed because mental illness is just a pal like that).
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m slowly becoming the person I want to be And I couldn’t be happier. There is still stuff to work on, but I’m gaining confidence and liking myself more and more, of course I’m working on myself as much as possible, but I’m super happy with myself atm. Hopefully one day, I can be 100% okay with myself, and it’ll be great.
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self.offmychest
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I just got put on an employee action plan [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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This won't help. I'm going to die soon. I don't trust you. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live with myself today was definitely the worst shift i’ve ever had. the once cool manager turned cold and angry after working with people that are better than me. it seemed like i couldn’t do anything right. i cried multiple times throughout the day. i got an offer for another job so i made the decision to not continue here. i knew i was going to open with this guy again and i just don’t like working there like i used to.
i told the gm, who i’m very close with and even though she said it was okay, i feel like she was pissed. all my friends were from my current workplace and now i feel like i’ve lost them all.
to top it off i lost my best friend last night. he didn’t die but he just. hates me now. i feel like i have no one left
i can’t stop crying
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self.depression
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what do you do when you need relief? Currently, my mind is racing and I feel like I can't control my brain... you guys all have to know how unpleasant a feeling that is. It drives me crazy, and also makes me feel like my heart is pumping really quickly as well so it's kind of a whole body experience. What do you normally do when you're faced with this - how do you get relief?
Normally I'd have a cigarette or a maybe a drink, but I don't have access to either right now, so I kind of just have to sit here wishing I could blow my brains out.
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self.bipolar
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Anyone else wanna do so much, but know they can't actually enjoy it? I wanna socialise and talk to people and have close friends and be like a normal person, but I just know that the amount of energy and time I put in won't actually be worth it, because I just don't have the capability to have fun. Even if I didn't have crippling social and general anxiety, I feel like I still wouldn't enjoy doing things with other people and going outside. Anyone else feel this way?
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self.depression
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Want to kill myself I have lost it all. I was selling drugs. Im addicted my self . I got caught. I lost everything. I have no money. I lost my job because they found out what happen. I think i should just end my life
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self.depression
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Is there something like subtle / mild bipolar disorder? I fully understand the first rule of not diagnosing yourself or others, but I've also read that it is very difficult to see the symptoms and I'm hoping that maybe this is, or isn't, a clue to a little problem I'm having with my girlfriend.
So basically, she is extremely emotional. If she's unhappy, she's very unhappy. If she's very happy, she's just regular / normal. There’s things that I consider to be a slight inconvenience that make her cry hysterically for an hour, and depressed for the rest of the day. (Last week she forgot a document at her work. Endless tears and laid in bed for hours after.) She also gets quite easily offended when I ask normal stuff like washing her hands before touching the cheese after I see her cough into her hands while she’s ill.
Meanwhile she can make incredibly offensive comments to me. Yesterday, when I too felt ill, I told her I wasn’t sure I could come to an event we planned and she said with this offensive laugh: “Well I knew it was going to be like this anyways.”, as if she prepared for me disappointing her, while I was ill. Today she really had to emphasise that I slightly burned the veggies, even though I explained her I did that because the previous time she left the potatoes freezing cold (my reaction then was something like “dont worry about it, it’s fine”). But she really felt like emphasising that what I did was worse, because now it tastes bad AND it’s unhealthy. Again, clueless that this can be offensive. No filter. She takes criticism very bad yet is a professional in pointing out my flaws.
I’ve grown quite numb to most of it over the years. But lately I’ve been trying to understand her better and find out why she acts this way. (Sometimes she leaves me desperately insecure about myself.) Maybe she’s just very tempered and emotional or deals with the result of a bad youth. But putting all the pieces together, this week I thought that maybe she could also bipolar. The stories of other spouses add up, but she has the symptoms very mildly – or at least not in such a hysterical that the movies and media like to portray it. She never really whacks out, with the exception of the emotional outbursts which occur once a week. Does something like mild bipolar disorder exist anyways?
She’s very unstable, but to an extend that I can accept it and I have for years. She herself has expressed her wish for a psychologist from time to time, and I’m not looking for reasons to break up with her. I’m just trying to develop a sense of understanding where some of her behaviour comes from. I’d like to hear if stories like these are familiar to you, and whether you find these things relatable to a bipolar disorder.
Thank you. Sorry it's under a throwaway. She knows my reddit-name, and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
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self.bipolar
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2017 has been one giant drug fuled disaster. I lost everything, everyone and anything I held dear to me. Absolutely destroyed my favorite person and life companion and watched all my friends die.
It was awful....I refuse to live like that against, ever.
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self.offmychest
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Idk what to title this post I've been making mistakes on the most simplest thing. The other day My dad asked me to book couple of air tickets and by mistake I booked for the wrong destination it costed double the money for cancelling the tickets since my dad was paying for it I didn't tell him about this. And today while I was on my way to my house I by mistake went to my neighbors house and rang their doorbell thinking it was my house. Luckily she knows me so she invited me over for a piece of pie, awkwardly made some conversations and kindly declined the pie and walked as fast as I could to my home. Is this normal? Did this happen to anyone else?
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self.depression
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How to deal with everyday life Hello guys ! I've been a lurker on this subreddit for a while now and it just crossed my mind to share some thoughts/look for help!
I am not a native english speaker so pleeease forgive any grammar mistakes I've commited.
So... a little bit of background story ?
I was recently diagnosed (about a year ago) with Bipolar Disorder type II. Since then, I've been medicated and I am currently on therapy. However, those maniac/depressive impulses I feel keep coming back, shaping my life and overshaddowing traits like my personality and tastes... I can't help but feel like a burden for everyone I love. The fact that the disorder doesn't have a cure just makes me angrier amd comcerned that I'll never be able to have a normal life without embarrassing myself and others.
To the ones that already deal with the desease for a long tim, I'd like to ask: is there a way to life healthly ? If so, how to make amends with the urge to self destruction?
Thank you all a lot!
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self.bipolar
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Anxious or Delusional?? So the past three years I developed a fear that I smelled bad, so I used a lot of deodorant and perfume to cover that despite numerous showers and clothe changes throughout the day. After a while I thought people were becoming allergic to all my scented products so I minimised them to what I consider a normal amount now. But I still noticed people were coughing, sneezing, clearing their throats and sniffling A LOT around me.
So I have been convinced since about October 2015 that people are allergic to my body scent, my pheromones or whatever. I've been in treatment for mood disorders with psychosis and anxiety since 2012 so work with different mental health professionals. Some say this sounds like a delusional I'm experiencing and prescribe me antipsychotics. Other say I'm socially anxious or it's a type of OCD.
I have no clue, and it's resulting in severe low moods, suicidal thoughts, extreme social isolation, I have been housebound numerous times over the past few years for months at a time. This year I have had two social occasions, both with the same friends.
I am at university and it so so difficult to attend lectures, people are constantly sniffling and coughing in lectures. I sit frozen in my seat and try to move as little as possible as I don't want to spread whatever it is that's making people allergic. I can't wait to cross the road at the traffic light next to people as standing a few meters away from someone causes me to experience high anxiety. I have trouble keeping food down due to anxiety, my heart won't stop racing and I am constantly covered in a film of cold anxious sweat despite having hot flashes.
So I was wondering if anybody has any pointers? Any advice? Really anything at this point would be much appreciated as I have nothing anymore, I feel completely hopeless and helpless to ever overcoming this.
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self.Anxiety
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How to tell the person you stopped loving them. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have Bipolar II. This is my daily medication routine. Does this look like a good combo? I am currently have a prescription for
TRAZADONE LAMICTAL & RISPERIDONE
My psychiatrist told me to drop the lexapro and upped the doage of lamictal to 2 tabs twice daily. In the Morning I take the lamictal and at night I take risperidone lamictal and trazadone.
Does this seem like a good combination of meds? I Hope to drop the risperidone eventually.
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self.bipolar
|
Need some career advice...? Been very unwell for a few months I've been dealing with a lot lately and sort of had a mental breakdown in April which lasted until recently. Honestly, I'm not 100% recovered since I'm still a hermit. Anyway, I have bipolar, ADHD and PTSD and they have all been extremely bad for a few months. I am on Lamictal, Concerta, and Wellbutrin. I take Xanax as needed, but I really don't like to take it period (I'm more likely to drink tea). For the past 2-months, I was in a dissociated state, so I think work was easier for me to deal with. What I mean by that is that I was depersonalized the whole time and was going through derealization. So I didn't feel much and was on autopilot. Doing work was fine. My mind was blank so it was easy enough.
Finally the fog is lifting slowly, but I'm starting to wish that it wasn't being I'm feeling a lot of pressure and stress at work. I've been dealing with an annoying and rude co-worker who wants to treat me like her assistant. And my boss dumped a bunch of URGENT and important shit on me all of the sudden, and kept pestering me about the assignments like it should've been done in a day, when it took the senior analyst (I'm like an entry level analyst) weeks to do the same thing. I simply do not understand why he expects me to finish all of that in a day. And then, I never even worked with that data either. I had to ask the senior analyst for help because I was so lost. I finally finished it, but then I learned today that there were other things I needed to run. It's more than 2,000 data lines (or rows) and it's two of these files. IDK what my boss was thinking? Then he was requesting 5,000 other things from me and I'm still working on something else.
I feel like my head is going to explode from this level of stress. It's quite upsetting because I've FINALLY started to get better, but I feel like this level of stress is going to cause me to relapse again. I do not think I'm being unreasonable about the large amount of work expected all at once either, especially when a lot of it was supposed to be done by someone else. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and am worried I'm gonna crack again and go to Nowhere Land. I was so out of it that I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror and my vision was severely distorted due to the derealization (i.e. the sky would look like a rolling painting). Going through that, and then swinging from manic to depression (i.e. buying 30 plants in 2-weeks and seeing visual hallucinations or "shadow people"). I'm just kinda annoyed and IDK how to handle this.
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self.bipolar
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Getting worse and worse I feel like getting worse and worse by the day. acting to people around me like nothing is wrong with me. Everyday i feel like doing nothing, not with anyone like there is no hope or purpose for my existence and then i'm just better off dropping it all and disappear. Yes I've gone to my doctor to be diagnosed for depression. she said i had a form of depression (this was when my depression came and went) but needed to make an appointment which i gave up on after trying to call many times to try and make the appointment but they never picked up. After this it has just gotten worse and worse by the day and i just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if i would need to get anti depressions or what
information a bit about myself i am 18 years old and follow IT support classes in the netherlands
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self.depression
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My anxiety and abused past is ruining my chances of being happy and I literally think I'm going insane. Ptsd? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I have 180 10 mg diazapam/vallies/blues depending where you live [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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The perfect storm of shitstorms Maybe that's an exaggeration but I won't know until later that I was being irrational so fuck it, I'll go on.
Holidays are hella awkward. Usually they'd be full of wonderful memories and good times, but now when I think of them, I remember all the signs that nobody was happy. Nobody was doing any of it for the love of being together, but as a power struggle or a way to assert dominance over other siblings or the in-laws or neighbors or friends. A way to pretend to the outside world that your life is out of a magazine.
I typically avoid my family get-togethers these days, since my mom and dad divorced and the rumors started flying about why she had money to leave with or who she was leaving my dad for. So hanging out with dad's family means the fake 'we've actually just been talking about you' smiles and small talk. And hanging out with mom's means all the "your father this your father that" remarks.
Basically, I tend to drink during the holidays with my boyfriend's family. They're good people. I like them.
So. The shitstorm... Yes. This year has been rough. I started taking anti-depressants in May, my sister had her first Manic episode and was hospitalized for a week, my Grandma was hospitalized and diagnosed with end stage emphysema... It's been a ride for sure.
So this week, I switched my medicine because Prozac made sex as exciting as washing dishes and I wasn't very focused and wanted to try something else. The meds I'm just started are kicking in and doing that weird adjustment where you feel almost tipsy. They specifically say on the bottle not to drink while taking this medicine. And I'm so damn emotional, that I full on bawled at work because the song that was playing on my phone was so powerful and I really felt for the girl.
tl;dr don't think I have a point. Basically, I guess, holidays are uncomfortable when you have no idea what family is anymore and don't change your crazy pills when you're about to start your period.
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self.offmychest
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I can't even kill myself right I was sexually abused as a child, physically abused as an adult, including thrown down stairs and through a glass door by my boyfriend. Recently another event happened and I decided to end it all. I took all my left over pain killers and all my left over antidepressants that weren't SSRIs and figured I could just drift off to a nice peaceful sleep, which I did but unfortunately woke up..I definitely did some damage as I was jaundice and vomiting for a couple days following. All I did was make matters worse for myself. I can't even kill myself correctly.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I wish I’d said It I wish I got a chance to say “I love you buddy” one last time. I’ve been thinking about you all day. You were a funny, smart, fearless little kid. I did a double take seeing your face, realizing I’ll never see it again. I regret not being able to tell you I’m proud of you for just getting your license. I wish I’d heard some of the funny jokes and sarcasm you were well known for. I love you kid, I hope you knew it, and I hope you know it now. Sixteen is too young, rest easy little cousin.
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self.offmychest
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No matter what I do, it always ends up with me feeling depressed yet again Is it even possible to completely overcome depression? I feel like it is a part of me now, that intrinsically it is wired into my brain. Non-depressed people don't understand that it isn't something where I can just think positively and shrug it off. If it were that easy, I wouldn't have been stuck clawing out of this abyss for over two years now. Some days I will just lie there in bed in the darkness with no will to live. Successful days for me are having a shave, a shower, or washing my hair and cleaning my teeth, keeping my suicidal thoughts at bay by losing myself in gaming only for them to resurface when I take off the headset.
Then there's my mum. She's in poor health thanks to smoking since she was a teen and her lungs are practically gone. I don't know how long she has left. If she goes I only have my dad and brother left (I don't get on well with him) Non-depressed people don't know how fucked up it is that sometimes I feel like bursting out crying because of how dead I feel on the inside and it's reflected on the outside. Life is suffering.
I see Disney films on TV and think about how I'll never know what it's like to watch them alongside my son or daughter for the first time because of how socially broken and unloveable I am. I'll probably never even know what sex feels like. I'm self-aware of what a colossal failure I am and I can't be fucked anymore.
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self.depression
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I'm a high-functioning autistic. I can't emotionally connect with anyone and I feel like my life is worthless. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to heal fatigue? I am manic again. Stopped my meds because of accidental double-dose.
Then tried to quit smoking.
Now I am manic and my body feels like it has worn out but I don't recognize it (I want money, please give me some.). How to heal the fatigue without sleeping because I can't sleep.
You are welcome.
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self.bipolar
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I bought a CCTV and... I thought it would reduce my anxiety at night because I have this fear that my family members aren't breathing. During the first night, I slept well having checked on them 4 times. It's only the second night now and I can't sleep. I constantly check the CCTV and I figured I'd be better without it, but when I turn it off, I get more anxious. Either option, I'm anxious.
I've also been sick since before Christmas. Fever, chills, cough, colds. My doctor today said it was bacteria and I was happy I was finally going to get better but the medicine she prescribed me gave me nausea and rapid heartbeats, and I panicked so I expelled it. The trauma from vomiting has had me not wanting to eat anything since last night.
I'm starting to wonder whether my being sickly is an offshoot of my anxiety. I eat healthy, get enough exercise, and I don't get out much, so I shouldn't be this sick all the time. I've forgotten how it feels to be well.
Help. I just want to feel better and to stop worrying.
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self.Anxiety
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Don't wanna live anymore with this illness I just want the pain and suffering to end. Its been two years and still i dont know what's happening to me. Been to four psychologists, three psychiatrists and a neurologist. I can only define what ive got as some bad case of porn/sex addiction. I practically can't do anything without feeling aroused. I'm stuck in my house with almost no social media. The arousal i feel is irreal and almost toxic, and intrusive. If i dont cut out all stimuli is like being aroused all day. I can't continue living like this. Even on antilibido meds this keeps happening with great force. What would you do in my place?
And i forgot to mention the myoclonus on my legs and brain zaps. Sometimes i feel like charged with electricity. My EEG and tomography says im ok but **** what's wrong with me?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bored, lonely, isolated, depressed but unnecessary and due to surroundings? If you read prior posts, you can see that my emotional health and physical are due to awful parents.. i long to be away from them but they won't let me leave and I believe it's because they don't want the truth to be revealed that they are indeed my problem although I do have my own demons.. my dad is probably the number one.. my dad is controlling, my mom used to be my hero but she acts like him now e.g. mean, negative, jealous etc. They don't realize it could really effect me long term with no job,money, isolation, sheltered etc I mean really serious health problems... they make me nervous.. it's not social anxiety nervous but more how they are obsessed with me
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self.Anxiety
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Im officially dead inside Ive learned a powerful lesson today. Dont go to deep on the internet. Not just the dark web (which is worse) but even the surface web. Things that shouldnt fucking be there. Things that make me lose all faith in humanity. I was fine(ish) up till now, but this finally fucking broke me. Im done. Im dead inside. I wanna fucking cry.
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self.depression
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And now I don't have a PS4 or TV I was feeling really bad. Saw God of War had great reviews, decided to buy it and get lost for a while. Went online, saw I could reserve a copy at walmart, did it. 5hrs later, went to walmart, saw they were actually sold out. Canceled the order and bought the download code.
Got home, redeemed the code online to my playstation account, turned on the PS4. PS4 can't log into the PSN network. After 5 hrs, Sony & Comcast support, and reseting the PS4 & every piece of networking equipment back to factory default, put the PS4 through the TV.
Fuck everything.
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self.depression
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I Don't Know Why I'm Still Alive. I Don't Know Of Any Poignant Reason To Stay Alive At This Point. I Thought That Being Saved From My Last Suicide Attempt Was A Sign... But Apparently, All That Meant Was That Life Just Wants To Keep Fucking Me Even Harder Up The Ass. I Give Up. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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St John's Wort for sporadic high-functioning depression Hi all. Lately I've realized that I'm prone to spiralling into a depressive funk. In all likelihood I have always had "high-functioning depression", but I've only gradually come to understand it as such. I have not yet treated it specifically, other than sporadic meditation, taking time out, and the like (which work when I have the wherewithal to do them). I would like to avoid pharmaceuticals.
Someone who has similar episodes just mentioned to me that she had good luck with St. John's Wort (taking the more expensive type that is apparently more regulated than the cheaper brands, about 600mg daily). She cautioned that it can have interactions with a lot of medicines. Luckily, I'm not taking any regularly (with the only exception that I've taken some ibuprofen for pain relief lately). Any thoughts, experiences, comments from people about SJW and its effectiveness for those who experience HFD?
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self.depression
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I have a plan I have plans. I'm just waiting for the right moment. On the other hand, I might be willing to admit myself to a psych ward to try to fix things. I'd rather just give in and die, but I had a nearly fatal accident this past spring and I don't want to hurt my family. They almost lost me once. I wish I hadn't survived that.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Worst Christmas Boy today is just amazing, I dropped off my parents at the airport so they can spend Christmas with my sister and their niece. Since they left we didn’t even bother putting up decorations, but who cares right? Oh and I just found out this morning that the guy made plans with to have Christmas with isn’t coming, and might I add how much I love last minute cancellations? It’s not like I planned around having him come, or told my family that I couldn’t go to their house because he was coming. But it’s cool because he’s probably getting drunk in the barracks with his friends, because fuck giving notice a few days in advance, a few hours will do. And the one present I got this year, my mom just had to tell me what is was because who likes surprises?? NO ONE. And I just loooooove looking at the scale to see that I’ve gained 18 pounds. It’s not like I’m Already overweight, might as well throw in some more! I don’t want to see my family, I just want to stay in my bed and die. Fuck Christmas.
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self.depression
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My Experience With Dystonia From Geodon I wanted to post this not to scare people, but to help people who may not be aware of what the early symptoms of dystonia look like when taking geodon. For those of you who do not know, dystonia is a rare side effect that can cause mild to severe muscle spasms . Many medications besides geodon can cause this sort of a reaction and there can be many causes . In my case, the main culprit was the ingredient Phenothiazine - which is an ingredient in geodon I am allergic too . I am not a medical professional , this is only my personal experience and not everyone's reaction may be the same ; discretion is advised .
The Early Signs : I was about two weeks into the medication when I noticed a sudden burst in energy. I was restless , almost manic and could not sit still . When I woke up in the morning I noticed that I had a slight twitch in my mouth area and eye area . I ignored it and continued on with my morning, thinking it was a mild side effect from my body adjusting to the medication .
When Shit Hit The Fan : I remember the twitches in my eyes and mouth getting stronger . It started to worry me and I was unsure of what to do . Eventually I started to feel my neck spasm like I had a horrible cramp . Eventually I couldn't hold my own head up , and my neck kept twisting in on itself . Fortunately I was still able to walk , and use my hands - so I called the ambulance .
Treatment : I called the ambulance and was treated with benadryl and something called kojen (another anti histamine) . The effects were immediate, and the dystonia stopped. I stayed in the ER and had several tests done and was monitored. They were nice enough to let me go home later that day ( i didn't wanna stay in the hospital ) and from then on I was fine .
Ideas : I always keep a stash of benadryl when trying different medications just in case. I definitely think getting an allergy test panel done is a great idea to avoid ingredients in medications that can cause this kind of a response .
Thoughts : I think geodon is a horrible drug - like most of the anti psychotics . After researching , I discovered that phenothiazine (an active ingredient in most antipsychotics ) is actually also used in PESTICIDES !
Hope this helps people and brings peace of mind to those who are trying geodon. Good luck on your journey to mental wellness
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self.bipolar
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I forget my pills I forgot my pills at my house when I went to my parent’s for Thanksgiving. I’m planning on spending the night because my mom and I have plans tomorrow to go knitting but I’m worried I’ll have to leave before. I haven’t missed my pills in over two years and I’m really nervous. In the morning I take lithium, lamotrigine, propranolol, and bupropion. I should be back in time for my evening and bed time pills but do I need to do anything? I’m not sure how this will effect me and I feel like I can’t tell my parents because I haven’t even told them I’m bipolar.
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self.bipolar
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Life always gets you feeling high so it hurts more when you crash [deleted]
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self.depression
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Done with it now I've been through way too much shit, and am done as of tonight. I've just been told I fucked up too many times and now can't graduate college. My mom has officially kicked me out of the house and told me I'm a worthless piece of shit and she's right. I was raped at age 16 by my so called boyfriend and multiple times throughout our relationship of five years, where he also gave me to two of his friends. I'm so done trying and I just wanted to rant about this and will probably drink myself to death tonight. I can't deal with this life anymore and I'm too afraid to face everyone who I know I've disappointed. Does anyone know if a bottle of Advil will do the trick.
Thanks
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self.SuicideWatch
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[Health Anxiety] Dull pain appearing all over my body, afraid it is cancer that has spread to my nervous system Hello everyone,
In the last couple of weeks I've just been experiencing random pain all over my body. For example, as soon as I will wake up, my left shin will hurt. The next thing I know, the pain has moved to my right toe. Then all of a sudden my left tricep will hurt so on and so on.
I have pretty bad anxiety and I'd love to attribute this physical pain to it. But it's only been happening recently even though I've had anxiety for a while.
I'm really scared that I have some kind of cancer that has gone unknown and spread to my nervous system to cause these pains all over my body pretty much all day.
What do I do? What do you all think? If I go to a doctor, where would they even start with these symptoms?
I went to a doctor two weeks ago for a checkup. I got a blood test and a urine test and everything checked out as good. Vitals are good too.
I'm just so lost and so anxious about this, I need someone to guide me in the right direction.
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self.Anxiety
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dysphoria is going to win one day i was doing really well. really fucking well.
in the span of one month everything in my life has gone to absolute shit. my dysphoria is back with a vengeance and it's getting harder and harder to ignore. it's getting harder to lie to myself too.
at the end of everything i'm still just going to be a fucking delusional man in makeup and i'm going to be shunned. i'm so tired.
i keep pushing on and things start to get better but they eventually fall to pieces again. i don't drink or do drugs but i've been considering it more and more lately. i know that once i start i'm not going to stop and i'm scared of going past the point of no return but i am just fucking suffering.
i can't even sleep all day anymore like i used to because of college. literally every single person in my class dislikes or ignores me and i'm the only lgbt person there. i can't fucking stand this.
i can't even come out. i live in a shitty small town in england full of judgmental old people and chavs and i'm probably one of the only lgbt people that live here. i know one gay guy but he's shitty and rude. my parents won't accept it either. i can't even fucking shave my face without my dad passing comments. i need a way out but i can't even think.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I went Sober from EVERYTHING for 18 months following a Codeine and Alcohol addiction/breakdown [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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New Years Eve or Birthday Suicide Which do you think would be most impactful?
I don't think it will matter much either way, but it just needs to happen.
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self.SuicideWatch
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One of THOSE days... Anyone else having one of those days when you just can't quite see the point of it all? I have thoughts about suicide from time to time, but I know I will never act on them. Yes I'm on medication, and yes I'm getting therapy, but at 59 years old it just seems like there's not a lot of point to it all... Back in April I was hospitalized and they almost lost me on the operating table. Sometimes I wish they had. But they didn't, and I won't kill myself, so that means I just gotta go on, and I'm really tired of it all.
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self.depression
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Someone just talk to me I'm not ok, but I say I am.
I need help, but I say I don't.
I cut myself, but I say its not me anymore.
I tell myself I should live, but I want to die.
discord is Jackson#0079 if you prefer that
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self.depression
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If anybody really "cares" about me please read i need advice on something's. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Weird visual images and faces when I try to go to sleep. I have been getting snippets of weird visuals and creepy looking faces whenever I close my eyes in bed. I know I'm fully awake and aware, and no where near drifting off into a dream like state.
I have been getting it for a long time but recently they have been getting weirder and darker. I was wondering if anyone else who suffers from anxiety also has this going on/how to calm it down?
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self.Anxiety
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Finding it hard to find motivation to do anything [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’m a shell of who I once was. Please help me find that charismatic girl again. Every since I had my first manic experience I am experiencing “neurological” issues? Not sure what else to call it. I used to be witty, creative, sarcastic and engaging. Now I’m lucky if I have an opinion on anything. It’s like My brain is too tired to care. My communication is nothing like it used to be and I have no motivation at all. I was 100% extroverted who could give a shit less what people thought and now I’m an introvert who feels more comfortable expressing myself behind a keyboard and staying indoors. I have to put in more effort than ever before. My therapist says it’s probably depression. It also doesn’t help I work from home and don’t have any hobbies right now. So nothing excites me, I have nothing to talk about. I’m a shell of who I once was.
Will I ever be the old me again? How do I find her?
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self.bipolar
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Help on cutting Both me and my girlfriend are depressed. My girlfriend cuts often and she wont let me cut or she will cut more. I was wondering some ways to avoid cutting?
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self.depression
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Looking for guidance I'm posting this here because I don't have anyone to talk to and my life is spiralling out of control. Im 23 years old and ever since I started working at a bar where I can drink on the job, which was about 3 years ago I've ran up a $7000+ tab which is just a running joke to my friends. I joke about it but deep inside this is slowly killing me.
I've already got hypothyroidism and kidney disease, which I don't take care of. I barely take the medication prescribed for me. I've got no motivation besides sitting in bed drinking and basically doing any drug I can get my hands on.
I've moved out of my parents 2 and a half years ago, I support myself by paying for a car and rent however I'm so far in debt that I can barely afford to pay these basic necessities. I spend all my money on either booze or drugs. I tell myself no im not drinking today but when I get to work or have a day off I seem to end up getting myself piss drunk.
I dropped out of high school my last semester and still haven't gotten myself to college, I have all these dreams and aspirations buried so far deep I don't even know what I want in life anymore. Im not suicidal at all however I feel this drug and alcohol abuse is slowly killing me with my underlying conditions, and I can't control it.
In 3 months time I have to find a new place to live because my roommates are all going seperate ways when our rental contract is up. These 3 roommates are my only friends and once this is over I don't know what to do with myself. I have no other friends and it seems my only choice is to move back to my parents.
I'm hiding all this behind a fake smile, I don't know who to talk to or what to do anymore with my life I have absolutely no motivation. I'm posting here in hopes of finding some sort of guidance on steps to get help. I'm sorry if this is the wrong spot to post this but I really don't know what to do or who to talk to about this.
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self.depression
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Get a rise out of me? I don't give a f *ck about you. Stop trying to create drama. Tired of entertaining your stupid friends. Too much talent to be working for free.
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self.offmychest
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How do I get my mom to hate me? I've decided to kill myself. The only thing holding me back now is the fact that my mom still loves me, and I don't want her to suffer. So, in order to minimize her suffering when I finally off myself, she needs to hate me, to an extreme. How do I get her to hate me?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Would you call this an anxiety attack? Last night, somebody said some things that were pretty hurtful and disparaging. So I started feeling pretty strange.
I got really hot, and my heart started beating harder. Not much faster, just harder. My breathing didn't get faster, but it became really, like… I had to completely exhale before I could try to inhale again. So after a while, that stuff died down, but I felt somewhat weak and lightheaded. I wanted to lie down, which was great because it was bedtime anyway, except I also felt kinda tense, and kept pacing around in my room.
This isn't the first time this has happened. But it's usually accompanied by extreme anger. One time, my brother threatened to hit me so hard I'd be on the floor crying. He didn't, but afterwards, I basically felt the way I just described, except I was also really angry.
Anyway, I don't really know if this is an anxiety attack, because when you read about that stuff, it sounds much worse than this. Additionally, despite feeling all those things, my hands were relatively still. I wasn't shaky or anything. But I still felt like my body was… not following orders, breaking procedure, etc. Like, what happened wasn't even that bad. I had no reason to feel that way.
Also worth noting, is I tend to get like that whenever I disagree with someone, or vice versa. Even online, which is actually where that thing happened.
(I'm posting this on an alt, because I'm pretty sure the people who know my main account would put two and two together, and they'd know what set me off.)
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self.Anxiety
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My husband is amazing I just wanted to take a moment to brag about my husband. I came down and now I’m depressed. I’m crying for no reason. I can’t think because of the fog.
My husband is texting me when he can at work. I was supposed to do something for him for the last couple of days but instead he says we can put that off so he can take care of me.
He is going to help me shower when he gets home. He made me tea the other night when it was cold.
I’m lucky to have him because we got married before my onset. He didn’t sign up for this.
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self.bipolar
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I haven’t self-harmed in 262 days This is the longest I’ve gone since October 2015 and I’m so proud of the progress I’ve made. I didn’t think it would be possible to get this far.
Edit: I didn’t expect this to get any attention! Thank you all so much for your kind words and believing in me.
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self.offmychest
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Unable to release tight chest after having “let go” mentally Hi everyone.
For the entire day yesterday, I felt a tightness in my stomach and a feeling of dread that prevented me from eating any substantial meals. I’ve never felt this way before. I was feeling an extreme sense of guilt about something minuscule I’d done. I eventually decided to tell the person who it concerned and ask for forgiveness, which they were quick to give, and the feeling of dread subsided, and I was able to sleep very well.
However, today I woke up, and the tightness in my stomach is still there. Moreover, I get occasional “flares” of the same guilty feeling, even though I’ve searched my mind and have found no other reason to feel guilty. For all intents and purposes, I’ve eliminated the cause of my anxiety, but it’s still there.
Is this just lingering from the attack which will go away eventually? Is there anything I can do to expedite the process? I was wondering if anyone would like to share similar experiences. Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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Different week different feels Does anyone go through weeks like that? One week I'm pretty content I wouldn't say happy exactly, just okay. And other weeks, oh my god other weeks are hell. This week is one of those weeks for me.
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self.depression
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there is a shifting happening I feel like any sense of stability in my life is about to change drastically, I'm just hanging on the cusp. i am so desperately unsure and seriously craving any source of support from you.
Doesnt feel like a real word... 'fiance'. I write it out because that is what you are to me, but I don't know what it's supposed to mean anymore. After all, its just what we're supposed to do after all this time, right? I mean, we just passed our 9 year mark. Neither of us seem to be in a hurry to 'make it happen' though, we've been engaged for over a year now without a blip of planning whatsoever (you've expressed you would rather me handle all of that anyway). But it doesnt feel special anymore. it doesnt feel full of love anymore. I'm lost and don't know what to do. i keep feeling that instinctual feeling like i need your help or input with this, you're my partner, its natural to me to feel like i'm supposed to (and need to) make major descisions with your involvement and support. But thats where we have the problem, because i recognize i am absolutely alone in this one, and nobody can decide what is best for me except for me.
The worst (and most scary) part is, I can't have a conversation with you about any of it. Or anything, for that matter. We never communicated that well to begin with, but we could always muddle through with the resolve that we did love each other deeply, we were just flawed people. But something is different now, and the more time that goes by the more distance i feel, and the less it seems repairable. Weeks go by and these 'situations' just keep stacking. I don't know if its just a lack of perspective or not, but all I have to go on is the aftermath, your choices put directly in front of me to process. What will I do? How will I react? What is the best path to take? How should I react to this disappointment I'm feeling? What do I want, even? I have no answers for any of these questions, just a deep longing emptiness and a persistant feeling of disenchantment.
I know you would argue with me if I said this, because I've genuinely tried to let you know how I'm feeling. I need more from you. I need you to try. Under it all, it comes down to decisions and personal values. And no, I'm definitely not talking about how our sleep schedules are so different, and how our different fields of work keep us from spending much time together lately (this time of year is always the hardest on us). You always have that ready as your first line of defense, as if that is the only thing causing these issues. But its not, and I'm not sure if you realize that or not, because it's really all you argue. And it IS always an argument, because you tend to become very defensive. You're usually very quick to tell me I've having a 'meltdown' because I tend to cry out of defeat (and then pick at me about making a therapist appointment). I'm losing hope that I can get you to see the bigger picture here and the very real crisis i'm facing in result.
after all, its probably my fault you always feel entitled to a 'pass'. no matter what happens, no matter what choices you make and how they effect me, no matter how to speak to me, or how disregared i feel. i guess that is how it's always been. because no matter what, we work it out, and all is forgiven, and we move on. but I do know that i feel like you cut me down. you make me feel like less (i started listing the ways in which i feel like less- but its been deleted. it was sad, and long, and does no good to write out). i feel small, and weak, and pathetic. like i am scratching at your door begging to come inside. this does horrible things to my self esteem and confidence to feel like this, and makes me doubt other major changes about to unfold in my life. so what is this doing for me? what do i want? I have this weak, shaky little voice inside reminding me that I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Is there someone out there that won't make me feel this way? and I wont have to wonder what their capacity is for loving me? Just, as I am? For who I am?
This journal entry was not supposed to focus entirely on you and I and the shifting ground that I feel. After the new year, I have other major decisions to make. Do I take the promotion that I desperately do not want? Or do I upheave my career and look for something completely different? The unknown is terrifying to me. What have I been working toward these past 5 1/2 years? There was only one place to go from here and I knew that. I also knew a while back that I didn't want to move up, but i was so comfortable and good at my job, it was easy to just "think about it later". But 'later' is approaching at an alarming rate and I feel so alone in my life right now. I don't believe in myself to have the emotional strength required to take this on.
Anyway, if you made it this far, thank you. This is literally my journal after another fight after a long day of work. I felt the need to put it out there in the universe.. I feel really alone tonight.
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self.offmychest
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How long does it take to get addicted to benzos? Tl;DR how long does it take to get addicted or dependent, specifically ativian and klonopin?
I talked to pdoc about this and he put me on ativan. Take every 6/8 hours as need was the directions.
This is my situation my grandmother passed away and I'm in a psychotic episode. I'm having a difficult time with paranoia and voices. The voices tell me she deserved to die, sometimes they say she isn't dead. I have dreams about her and thats when the voices they say she isn't really dead. Sometimes they'll tell me for like an hour she deserved death. It's been three weeks but I'm still grieving, we can't get a death certificate signed so her body is just sitting there and for some reason I have some bizarre thoughts about that. The next step is an autopsy and I feel weirdly possessive about that, no one wants that to happen. I'm just having a really rough time from the anxiety of the situation or the voices and what they tell me. I'm paranoid too which creates more anxiety and all these symptoms will snowball until I'm panicked.
I'm just really stuck in this grief and I feel confused on how to manage it. I'm talking to a therapist. I saw her yesterday and she just got back from vacation for 3 weeks.
My last pdoc was bad and he was me on klonpoin twice a day but I didn't take it like that because I felt like I didn't need it, or I didn't feel anything and I was afraid of addiction. He had me on this for two years. My new pdoc said it was okay to take it to get through this rough time and prescribed 90 pills of ativian for a month. Although I think that's all I want for the duration of this period. It should also hold me over until this anti psychotic starts working.
I'm afraid of addiction. I've been taking it every day since Thursday once a day. I feel like I should take a break but the anxiety is overwhelming. I think it would be fine if it wasn't for this psychotic symptoms.
I was hospitalized at the end of July for psychosis. I forgot what I was going to say about this, sorry, but it's been a struggling to find the right anti psychotic. But I have hope what he just put me on will help, he said it works really fast. Oh, I remember now. Prior to this hospitalization, I felt like I had entities in my head that tell me to do things and comment on what I do. They were basically gone since discharge but these 'entities' has come back. And I'm just worried and having difficulty coping with the voices, they're not random voices, they knew me and I know them kind of like you'd know people. I don't know why but they have power in my head and make me feel some kind of emotional response.
Sorry for rambling, I felt like I need to vent.
So my question is for the ativian and klopinin leftover. Will I develop an addiction if I just take it as need for a month even if I take it every day? Please give me advice. My pdoc said it was okay for this rough time. Maybe next week I won't feel the need to take it everyday. I don't know. I wish she didn't die and I was dealing with psychosis. I try to be careful with benzos. But I feel kind of desperate for relief. Because I can't focus when the anxiety is so bad. I haven't really been able to work because of the psychosis. But I'm trying to get things done at home like cleaning.
I can't even read the psychosis has destroyed my brain and I really want to read but my brain just can't do it.
Please don't call me an idiot or whatever. Constructive criticism is nice. I just don't know. When I was hospitalized like half the people there were going through benzo withdrawals. And I don't want that. It's just a rough time. Like I said I talked to my new pdoc about this.
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self.bipolar
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Don't know if I can reach out to people anymore. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Can somebody please tell me why my body jerks when i have anxiety? I had a slightly nerve racking experience a few days ago (like a 2 or 3 on the anxiety scale) and instead of being nervous, my body uses adrenaline instead (or something lol). I remember reaching for my pencil and my arm just used so much force. It didn't feel natural at all. I also remember moving my head and having move 10x speed that it normally does.
This would make sense if I was running away from a bear and was in fight-or-flight, but this was a 2 or 3. It's not even like it's an isolated incident.. It happens all the time in any slightly nervous situation.
I have control of all of my movements, but not how much adrenaline it uses depending on each situation. So, it's not like it's involuntary or anything. Still, I can't imagine this being normal, so there might be something wrong with me that can be fixed.
Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Phobias.... Anyone have any phobias that cause you bad anxiety or panic attacks?
I have some...spiders...balloons, fireworks and mascots (please don't laugh i know its ridiculous)
I used to have it bad for flying too but I've been better at managing that
|
self.Anxiety
|
How to make friends while dealing with social anxiety? I recently moved away from my college town after graduating and my handful of friends are now all far away. I feel lonely especially during holidays etc. when you should be with friends and family. How do other people with social anxiety go about making friends? I get so nervous talking to new people but on the other hand I hate being isolated in this way.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I miss my family and all I want is us to have Thanksgiving together instead of working [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Need some help life's really tough right now I don't know if this is the right place for this but life has been really hard lately. I've been struggling through my major at college. My brother got diagnosed with leukemia over the summer and my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer a month ago I started taking antidepressants a month ago and now my girlfriend of two years just broke up with me I love you her so much everything hurts so much when I need somebody the most I have nobody.
|
self.depression
|
Depression... Is the worst thing...how do people cope...? tl;tr A ramble about depression...
Even if this just sits here in this little dark corner of the internet where no one sees it, it'll be better than it being trapped in the depths of my dead heart.
How do people deal with depression, its the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. It came right out of nowhere and ruined everything.
I still work, and go to school and hang out with people... just now all of it is negative. Its my same life, just everything that was good before is terrible and I constantly feel like a pos. When people cancel its the worst thing ever, I get really needy with people that care about me... Its like not having enough air...
Even when I am happy, its only a temporary thing... Like getting drunk... I am having a really hard time... How do people cope/make it better?
|
self.depression
|
Birthday Depression Happy birthday to me gee what did I get 2000$ in loans, girl leaving me with a broke heart and having my parents not understand my situation. Maybe the day my story starts is when the day my story ends. :(
|
self.depression
|
crushingly low I've let myself down today, and maybe last night. Now I think I'm probably going to masterbate and just be a depressed vegetable tonight, which will lead me into plenty of extra days and nights of undone progression.
I'm so alone and it feels deserved. I'm so lonely. It's never not been like this. Anything that's possibly good that comes on the horizon I deprive myself of, simply because if theres a possibility I won't have it in the future, I need to live without it so that it can never be taken away from me.
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self.depression
|
What caused hospitalization? Though I was taken to the hospital once by the cops, they let me go in less than half an hour. I have never actually been hospitalized. But I come from a family that never went to the doctor and so I don't really know when I should go myself. Don't worry I'm not in a bad spot right now, just curious how some of you found yourself hospitalized. Did you decide to go yourself? How did you know you should go? Or did someone else take you? What was going on that made them feel the need to take you in? I'd be interested in hearing some of your stories.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anybody else over 20 and never had a job? I'm 23, female, and never had a job before. I'm a failure and nobody will hire me. I have no qualifications or job experience whatsoever. People judge me and make me worse by saying I'm a lazy ass when I am a person struggling with mental health illnesses I never asked for. If I could choose between functioning properly and working in a crap job every day over how I am right now, I'd choose the former immediately. I am a completely useless and have zero motivation to do anything in my life.
|
self.depression
|
I hate myself I hate life I hate everybody [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm 30 and never been on a date I have to be the most undesirable person in the world. Why did I have to be born me?
|
self.offmychest
|
Extreme dentist anxiety advice I'm sitting in the dentist's office currently. I think I'm overdue for an appointment by almost a year now. I had a scheduled appointment for 2 weeks ago, but I called and cancelled because I got too damn anxious.
A big part of my current anxiety is I know I have ~3 cavities at least. It sucks because I keep rescheduling appointments due to anxiety, which leads to my cavities and other dental problems getting worse.
To help explain things, I've had an extensive history with orthodontists/oral surgeons dating back to when I was 11 years old. I'm 23 now. Basically I was born with an extra set of front teeth and my "real" set was deformed, and I had to go through about 3 surgeries to attempt to fix this at an early age and when I was 20 I finally went through with a bone graft/implant procedure. That failed and I had to re-do it. All of this amounted to 4 more surgeries. It was very expensive, painful, and traumatic, and through it all I have come to link dentists with bad bad news. The good news: I think the last implant is here to stay and my smile is beautiful! You would never guess my front teeth are fake. The bad news: this extreme anxiety has resulted, and crops up as early as a few weeks before a scheduled dentist appointment.
This is really debilitating, and I still have things I'll need to get done like wisdom teeth removed/possible root canal/etc. But this anxiety makes it pretty hard to even function in other areas of life whenever I know I've got an appointment coming up. Is there anything I can do to try and fix this? I've had dentists notice my irrational anxiety and comment that it should get better the more I go, but it just seems to get worse. They don't ever understand.
I hope this is the right place to post. I considered posting in r/anxietyhelp but that sub seems to get no traffic. Please help!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm really tired of it all After slaving away for a major paper for an major class I'm in, I just got it back and earned only a C on it. It doesn't sound that bad on its own probably but in the context of my life right now I really, really needed this to actually be good. I'm a junior in college and its just been a whole semester of mediocrity for me, and I have been trying harder than I was last year. The rest of my grades for my other classes aren't that much better, and I have been really trying hard to improve my GPA for years. I want to go to a good law school but these college grades aren't up to show for it, and I have spent days on end staring into space and procrastinating on whatever normal work I have to do for the day, all while feeling that it's just so pointless.
My social life isn't any better either. My only friends are my roommates and they just add to the distraction and frequently piss me off indirectly, usually with them constantly shitting on other people I know behind their backs or just constant complaining about everyone else around them. I don't use the word often but its such a toxic atmosphere. They haven't said anything to my face about it but I know I'm also a really sensitive person and I can tear up over the smallest things, so I hide that so I can't get bothered by anybody over it. I've been doing that for years, along with thinking about suicide, but its all so tiresome. So many fantasies, ranging from notes that call out people I want to suffer for making me suffer to just vague apologies to the few people who care about me, and vice versa. I'm writing this here because I've been planning so much already and I'm worried about actually acting on it, because I've thought about suicide for as along as I can remember and it's never been more attractive than now.
You could say that it's all going to be okay, say that its just a small blip on the timeline of my life, but I really don't have any prospects. I know that I'm a liability and that I've caused more harm than good to people, despite me spending my life trying to do the opposite. For years I've never actually understood what I wanted to do in my life, I've always wanted to be creative but I have never mustered up the motivation to actually do something that's satisfied me. I constantly come up with ideas for books, poems, songs, lyrics, and it never really manifests into anything because I either forget about the idea and move on to something or fail to make any progress after seeing how terrible it looks on paper. I don't know if you've ever felt that way, but not being able to really do the one thing you actually want to do and believe you're good at is soul-destroying.
The worst part is that I know that there are people who care about me, and I know that whoever responds to this would be included in that group of people, but I still fail to see a point in it all.
If you managed to make it through this wall of text I thank you, and hope you have a nice day.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Need help how to manage I have exams and i am experiencing mixed episodes
I am not able to concentrate more than 1 min my thoughts are raceing and i have vivid flashbacks of a previous tragidy and i am not on any medicine and cant go to pdoc until next week need help
|
self.bipolar
|
2018 I know this sort of post isn’t original or whatever but here it is.
It’s New Years Eve today where I am and honestly... I don’t think I could care any less.
I’m so tired of pretending to give a shit about everything. About people about things about university and assignments. Mostly I’m tired of other people pretending to give a shit about me because they don’t. That’s it. They don’t.
My family say they care yet constantly bombard me with all of their problems expecting me to have a magical solution. My friends are going through their own shit and whilst they try there’s nothing they can do for me. My girlfriend well... that’s something else entirely. I know she’s not happy. I know she’d rather not be with me. She’s been down this road before got the T shirt she shouldn’t have to deal with my bs too. I love her so much I don’t want to put her through this.
But the issue is I can’t ever see myself getting better. It feels impossible. All I want to do everyday is stay in bed. I want to sleep all of the time. Half the time I’m not even physically tired I just... everything is too much effort. I can’t win. I really can’t. I’ve been trying for years but it never gets better. Not for people like me. We’re destined to suffer and bleed and cry forever. What sort of life is that?
I don’t think I want to see the New Year. I just want to end it all.
|
self.depression
|
Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I graduated last May with a Bachelor's degree and $30,000 in debt; I was a good student. Despite this, I haven't been able to find a job that pays more than a dollar over minimum wage. During college, I applied to internships like crazy for two straight years, but I never got one (which isn't surprising considering that most students aren't able to obtain one before graduation). Then, I started applying for jobs in early 2017 , and I've tried my hardest to fill out at least two applications a day since then. Regardless of my efforts, I've only managed to get three interviews so far--one for the current minimum wage job I'm working, a phone screen for a claims trainee position, and an interview for a call center. I was turned down for the latter two, and I wasn't provided a reason why.
The job I'm currently working in has no room for advancement compensation wise or within the organization. I've gotten so desperate for money that I'm applying to teller, warehouse, and manufacturing positions, because at least they pay more than $10 an hour. I'm literally filling out online applications that are asking me 50 times if I've ever used or sold drugs at work, but these companies never bother calling me back either.
At this point, I don't really understand what I have to do to earn a living wage, and I'm honestly at my wits end. I'm incredibly depressed, moody, suicidal, and I'm running out of hope. If I can't earn enough money to survive, I don't see a logical reason to live. Absolutely none of this makes sense to me.
|
self.depression
|
sometimes i feel like i am faking it. thoughts? please. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
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