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Pro tip I discovered: Changing your posture/body language often helps change your emotions [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I don't really know what to do anymore... My boyfriend and I have been together almost 7 months. I'm insanely in love with him, and he with me. We've gone through a lot of struggles and hardships, mainly because we both have severe depression, and we're in a semi-LDR, so we see each other at most once a month.
I love him very much, don't get me wrong. But lately, it's gotten to be too much. Sometimes it's really motivating to help him through his struggles and lift his spirits, but sometimes (especially recently), it's extremely emotionally draining. I've been going through a rough patch in my life with this huge project I have to do for school that I resent with my entire being, on top of other schoolwork, on top of being jobless, on top of clinical depression and anxiety and body dysmorphia, etc. and I just can't do it anymore. He's just been sad all the time and I just don't make him happy. The only times I ever really see him happy are hen I'm physically with him. We used to skype almost every night, and thinking back to these times, we were so happy and in love. Now I feel like I'm losing him; like we're drifting and falling out of love. I'm lucky if I hear his voice or see his face once a week. We only ever text now. I've expressed to him multiple times that this is how I feel, and he always says that he's gonna try and fix it for us, but that most of the time he's just depressed or too tired. He falls asleep at 6:30pm, even after promising he'll call me and talk for 5 minutes at night. I practically have to beg him to skype me for a little bit, and when we do, he's just... not happy anymore. I look through old pictures and videos of us from even just 2 moths back, and we just looked so damn happy together. Those were the best days of my life.
But now I'm stuck. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much and I don't ever want to leave him. I have no friends because I live so far away from everyone, so he's my only support system. Maybe it's because I load all my emotional baggage onto him. Maybe it's because he's realizing how fucked I am just like everyone else has. Maybe it's me. I just don't know. I don't see him again for another 4-5 weeks because of my damn project. And that's if I don't kill myself before then. I'm so lost and so fucked
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self.offmychest
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I'm here again... After my first suicidal post I decided to contact lifeline and it still continued to go downhill, I have failed my drivers test 3 times, my gpa is still a 2.6(which is the lowest in my close family and my cousins with 2 of them having a 3.9 and 4.5 gpas)
I just feel like I'm a fucking retard, I actually think there is something wrong with me but thats not even it, no matter everything I do or try to do, I'm almost always bad at it no matter how hard I try. I don't think Ill be able to make it in the real world and I'm thinking about ending it before I have to deal with it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Those thinking of taking SAM-e, be careful. I took a total of 6 pills(200mg) in as many days and quit cold turkey because they were making me nauseated and you cant cut the pills to taper off.
I am going through increased anxiety, more than I had to begin with, increased depression, intrusive thoughts, restlessness and insomnia, Im basically pacing throughout my house throughout the night, sweating of the hands and feet. My heart beat has been constantly elevated and wont let up.
Its been this way for 3 days now.. I hope it is almost over.
Be wary, it does not work well for everyone.
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self.depression
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Anxiety over nothing Past 8 months have been rough. I have this anxiety that is always there. Sometimes its strong other days its not as bad. I describe it to my therapist as TV static. I used to fear death. But these past few days i decided i will not longer fear. Why should i spend my entire life worrying about death and never really live. But this low level of anxiety is always there. Its very annoying! Any advice? I can never sit down and relax and watch tv or anything. i always have to be doing something. Its odd bc when im focused on something fully it goes away. But if my mind is free i go back to anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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Looking for insight. My dad has struggled with bipolar since his teens. He's 60 now and I'm 36. I have some trauma from my childhood because of his manic episodes in which he became violent. I can remember at least 3 episodes where he had psychosis. My parents divorced but lived together on and off for years. Apparently my dad's doctor released him and said he was "cured" and didn't need any more treatment 10 years ago or so my mom tells me.
Well fast forward to this past Thursday my dad had an episode of psychosis following days of mania and there was a lot of alcohol involved. He apparently hallucinated that my mom was screaming at him and being horrible to him and he's hospitalized right now. The police found him wandering the streets at 5am. I saw him Friday morning in the emergency room and he was still babbling on and on rocking back and forth and seemed to be scared of something, I think demons possibly from what he was babbling about.
Well he was given a shot and moved to the crisis center in the local hospital. I visited him today and finally got him to sign a release stating his doctors can talk to me. But he still believes that my mother was screaming at him and doing horrible things to him which are not true.
I let him tell me all of this and my mom was there visiting too. I didn't say much because I needed him to trust me. He thinks there is nothing wrong with him and claims the doctors told him that he is fine and not bipolar at all and they've given him pills to calm him down. My mom said he can't come home and she wants nothing to do with him ever again and all of his care is in my hands now.
Mostly I'm just venting here. I want to tell him he was hallucinating but he still isn't well so I'm guessing that's not a great idea. I feel he will come around and realize he was hallucinating but I don't know how bipolar works. I don't know what's going to happen to him now.
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self.bipolar
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Anyone else hiding their illness? How do you handle it? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Cried at work for the first time. I work in a call center and consult business owners with their payroll and HR Management. I have been here for almost 2 years and am looked up to for help.
Today I got a call from an executive assistant needing help with an issue so she could explain it to her director. After an hour and a half of explaining things to her, she understood, but she mentioned she was having trouble explaining it to her boss. I then decided to offer to speak to them.
Bad move.
The woman wouldn’t let me speak. She demanded to speak to my manager. I told her no and that I was entirely capable of resolving her issue, and that we needed to work together.
C: “Fine, explain.”
Me: “All right, so let’s start from the be-“
C: “NO. YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG.”
After about five minutes of being cut off and screamed at...
C: “TRANSFER. ME. TO. YOUR. SUPERVISOR!”
I stopped talking and just pressed the Hold button. I got up from my desk, keeping it together, until one of my coworkers approached me and asked if everything was okay because they heard me raising my voice. Then I just started crying.
I’ve never failed a phone call. I’m a perfectionist. Not being able to win this battle frustrated me so much.
Fortunately, my managers were very supportive and comforted me. They said it happens to everyone and some people are too difficult to work with.
I’m so embarrassed though because now I feel like my peers will look at me differently.
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like im walking around life with a giant fishhook right through my upper torso. I am a piece of bait for anxiety. I guess im used to it but i hate it. Alot of you know this feeling like there is a spear though your chest, that hollow, numbing, tight pressure, that freaks us out at times.
Ive been checked out over the last 25 years and so far so good, so its just the manifestation of my anxiety disorder as a damned physical symptom. My arms and legs get pains all the time too that make me think im stroking out, which exacerbates the damn anxiety.
Anyway just wanted to type out my feelings. Sick and tired of it but its mine and its here to stay. I have started working with CBD oil, so maybe i can find a dose that will subside these pains. I go through tubs of blue emu oil too lol, what a mess.
happy new years yall
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self.Anxiety
|
Empathy I'm absolutely hypomanic but ok just now, taking my meds. When I have been at my Jiu-jitsu class I have been squeamish even just watching people get moves put on them. I am totally comfortable getting smashed myself and usually don't have a problem even when people get chocked out or nearly get their arms snapped.
Also seeing fat people shopping for clothes is really hitting me hard, I feel like I can see inside them and how they feel. Is this a bipolar thing?
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self.bipolar
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I'm having a hard time. Decided that regular anxiety isn't enough today, decided to swap it out for my fancy pants super high strung anxiety.
-My 5 1/2 year old son was diagnosed with Autism last week. I've been thrown into the world of special needs parenting and I have no clue what I am doing and I'm struggling to believe any of the things all these professionals are telling me are going to help my child function independently in the future.
That's enough, right?
But wait. There's more!
-I'm convinced the chronic rhinitis and post nasal drip I've had for 2 years is something that is slowly killing me. Even though I've seen an allergist who did a thorough exam and diagnosed it as chronic rhinitis. Oh, and the gallbladder polyp they found 2 years ago is also probably growing and killing me slowly as well.
-A close friend's round of chemo didn't work as well as her doctors were hoping, so she needs another 4 weeks of a stronger drug.
-My husband is out of town until tomorrow night and I don't do well without him. You know, because home invasions happen.
-I have a house full of sweets I've been picking at and a gestational diabetes screen I'm probably going to fail on Thursday.
-Have a bottle full of anxiety meds in the cupboard, but I have anxiety about taking the anxiety meds during pregnancy. 😒
Edit: spelling
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self.Anxiety
|
I was just prescribed meds... How do I deal with that? It takes it from “being a bit sad sometimes“ to something much more serious. In my mind, as well as... Well... I told a friend yesterday and she was very confused because she never saw my mental state as that serious. She seemed super concerned for me. Meanwhile I’m only trying to feel SOMETHING other than the occasional sadness... I‘m afraid to tell other friends, even though I know it‘s (hopefully) only temporary and it‘s to help me get better.
How did you guys deal with your first confrontation with a diagnosis and meds? Tips?
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self.depression
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constantly the weirdo looking into normalcy. feel like times run out now. Hi everyone. I’m pretty old (27), and have bad social anxiety. I have always craved normalcy but have always been stuck outside looking in. Being such a shy woman doesn’t really help me, it’s so hard to make friends or meet people. I just always feel like such a fucking weirdo when dealing with people, and I just want to be normal. People always have to mention how “bitchy” I look or something because I am in constant anxiety mode when with people so it makes me look mean because I’m scared. I just want to have a normal life: friends, a boyfriend, etc. I have a dead end job that is never going to go anywhere, and nothing to live for. I have hobbies and have tried using those to feel better (I prefer computer programming and songwriting) but they don’t help anymore. I just think this is it for me, I am so damaged there is no way to live a normal life and it’s too late for me now.
Thank you for reading guys. hopefully reincarnation is real and i get a second chance lol.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sleep issue related to anxiety? I used to sleep like a baby without breaks, but lately I wake up with that little feeling of tension like ruins the pleasant sensation of really resting. I found that making a break helps a lot, but it doesn't happens unless something or someone wakes me up in the middle of night and then go to sleep without that much trouble because I'm already sleepy. As added info, I have been messing up with my sleep schedule for a couple of years: Going to sleep late, not getting enough hours, that stuff. Also, I do have some issue with controlling my heartbeat rate at some moments, in order to control that I'm not dying (yes it was usually at the beginning of my own kind of "panic attack"). Sometimes it did happened while going to sleep, and I supposed it has to do with the likeness of dead and sleep that triggers my death-related anxiety.
Has anybody experienced this? Any thoughts?
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self.Anxiety
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someone to talk to while i wait Waiting in line for the suicide lifeline chat. got to the front of the queue and it sent me all the way to the end again. pretty frustrated, just want someone to talk to while i wait
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just struggling to deal.. what can i do in the shortterm to get through? Hi all
Ive had a lifechanging event where my partner who i lived with has abandoned me right before christmas
Her shit is all around the house. When she left she told me she would be a week since then she has said we are done.
We have a fetlife account and last night on christmas eve she changed her location to the uk - im taking this as a sign she has moved on but on christmas eve?
Her underwear is scattered through my hallway and she has photos of herself around the house.
We were so in love and this happened without any warning..
Ive already made one attempt to hurt myself and i need to know what i can do in the meantime to get me through
Please help!!
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self.depression
|
That was your mom! My mother in law passed last Sunday. She had Alzheimer’s and lived at an assisted living facility. We managed her medical and financial needs during this time. When we called her other kids on Saturday informing them hospice was there and it looked grim, do they come to say bye to their mom? Hell no! One went to the bar and contacted me after it closed at 2am. WTF! When she passed Sunday and called them again, they are all upset and crying about how they didn’t come. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!! I don’t want to listen to any of it. I sat with your dying mom while you were doing what you felt was more important. She was your mother! She deserved better than that from you! Since you didn’t visit her, don’t whine to me about it.
Now we are planning (and paying for) her memorial service. What do we hear? More complaining from them about our choices. They didn’t want to see her, but they want to whine about our choices? They didn’t talked to us about her while she was alive. Simple questions would have been ok, but they couldn't even do that. So, fuck them! I’m done being nice to them. I was nice while their mom was alive out of respect for her.
To my in laws,
How dare you dump your mom on us since we are financially secure and my husband is the oldest child. Dont ask us how she is. Dont reply when we gave updates. We felt like we were her only family. Where were you when she said she was scared? Where were you when she asked for you? Where were you when we were upset and needed a shoulder to cry on? Or when we needed to talk to someone about her? You wouldn’t reply to our messages or answer our calls. But now she is gone, you are running to other relatives and crying about how much you loved her and will miss her. Really?
I can’t believe how fucked up my in laws are. I can’t wait to see what shit they try to pull at her service. I may have to sneak a small flask in my purse to keep my sanity.
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self.offmychest
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I hate everything and don't want to do anything For the past few years I've struggled with my depression. I've lied and lied over and over again about everything. I've lied about illnesses just so I could do nothing all day for years, it's gotten so bad that I almost failed my sophomore year and had to drop out both my junior and senior year, just so I could lay in bed and do nothing. I hate myself so much and every day it gets worse, I wanna die so bad but I'm scared of what's next. I want to do everything in life like everybody else, like getting a girlfriend, getting money, going on adventures and having fun with friends. But I don't do anything so I can do those things and I don't know why. I fucking hate myself so much and I can't stop doing nothing. Everyday I wish for a different life, anything better than this. I'm almost 20 and I can honestly say the only thing I've done is finish highschool and I had to fucking nightschool to do it. How do I change my life? I know God doesn't exist and wishes don't do shit, but it's the only thing that I can do, at least it feels like it. All the time I just procrastinate and don't do anything until it's too late. I have no motivation to get a job, have sex, or improve my life at all. My parents are constantly angry at me because I don't get up in the morning (and a million other things) and I feel like the worst human for not doing anything but I just can fucking do it, no matter what it is. I know I'm smart, I know I could look half decent if I worked out, I know I could love somebody. But I still don't try to change things and I fucking hate it so much. I can't even waste my time doing something fun like playing video games or watching anime or talking to friends, I just sit on my fucking phone or go jerk off for an hour instead and feel like the worst fucking person. I'm always wishing for a new life or a change but I know the only thing I deserve is to die. How can I make a change? How do I get myself to actually try and get a job? How the fuck do I stop doing nothing? I wish I was different so I could myself and others, I don't want to die or anyone else to die and I just want things to go right for once. I fucking hate that even if I do manage to fix myself everything's still gonna be shit. I hate life and everything and I want to stop all that hate. But for some reason I just can't.
I'm really sorry for the long message and if doesn't make any sense. I'm fucking retarded and can't write for shit and I'm supposed to be doing things so I can't reread it rn.
If anyone knows how to fix a life please tell me. I don't want to live like this anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Snowball Effect The Curdy sweat all over from under the duna awakens me early, A ritual which does not cease, caused by this bloody Strattera for ADD which gives nothing but issues. The bright rays from my phone show "3:30", great I recall. Taking a drowsy piss and attempting to fall back to sleep with the aid of music to be abruptly awoken
by my obnoxious mother, who, with the distortion created from the door recalls the same gurble of words over and over until I have to almost scream so she discerns me, I wake and ask for a shower, or if my little sisters birthday is urgent, She states I can have a shower. The shower,
the only time where time is not a thing, worry is not a worry, all that is needed is to refresh and get on. The sweet idea of a shower is soon gone as my mother is yet again profusely spouting because, I am taking a shower? It seems obsurd but I conform, scurry to the safety of my room where
a card has been left for me to write a message, only recieving this in the morning. Snatching a pen lingering on my desk I haul to get the generic birthday message printed on the overly enthusiastic card, but where my pen goes ink does not follow,
A wave of heat coarses through my mind, hurling the damn thing on the wall out of anger I wonder, How can something so simple be so disappointing? What have I done where things just always bite a part out of me, one piece at a time. Mum is once again pounding on the door, claiming My other sister needs to get to
uni. Simply a pen, has broken me. With mind racing in anger, I leave the card blank, My little shit of a sister only gives a damn about the money anyway right? I exit and the wall of safety breaks away as I am exposed to the ridicule and mockery of my own family, The thoughts, my own of
death and freedom give way once again, How can I keep living as a rock for people to dump shit on and get moving. It just doesn't seem fair, I have nothing to outweigh the burdens of others. Back in the present, My anger is seen as unjustified, therefore I am in the wrong. Why do I have to hold on where others can break down?
This is my morning, variations will occur. But this is my life. I have not mentioned nor stated any other events which have or did occur prior throughout my life. Please help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I'm being left behind by everyone I used to know. Today I saw an old friend's social media profile. He had become a police officer and is working to become a lawyer. He had so many like and comments on his profile from tons of friends, and he was so accomplished.
I know this is the curse of social media, but comparing his accomplishments to mine filled me with this sense that I'm so hopelessly "behind" where I'm supposed to be that I should just give up.
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self.offmychest
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Im 18 n my lifes a mess ive already giv up Im 18 n me lifes a fuckin mess just wanna speak to one or 2 people who might be in similar situation coz everythings fucked up i only turned 18 other month n dont feel like i can carry on with me life coz of bullying in the past has fucked me up to the point that ive now matured n done well at boxing but still struggle to go out and speak in large groups of people coz i used to get bullied on me own in changin rooms in school every day by at least 20 lads mouthing off n throwing muddy boots at me on my own with no one stickin up for me n now i hav a few mates i cant go out coz im not used to mixing in big groups so im too nervous and paranoud of out happening so i spend all my life in the gym or in my house on my ps4 i spent my whole childhood inside coz i ovs had no friends coz they all went against me n now coz im not used to goin out ive completely giv up n dont mind coz im used to staying in alone the depressions got to the point where ive quit boxing just to lie on my bed sad n no one else sees my pain coz my grandad has alysymus n my mums always lookin after him n my brother struggles a lot to with adhd so he gets a big amount of support and no one sees me as a problem they walked in on me with a steak knife to my neck before tempted to do it as it grazed my neck n my dad just said how much was that coat? Didnt even care n then later said sonet about gettin attention ffs! Had a fuckin nouugh!! Anyone else bin here n improved or had i might as well overdose meself or somet till i die? N i cant stop thinkin about how shit my lifes bin coz literally spent full sunmer holidays on my ps4 whilst wveryone was havin fun for about 7 years n im now 18 try to think ahead n want to turn pro with boxing then it might make up for my boring past but cant train coz of this n coz im that not used to leavin the house i find it awkward sayin hi to people in the gym sometimes n thats my own club! My parents just say oh go out! But i cant mix with big groups coz i just think its gunna kick off n everyone sees me as this hard guy coz i box n in my last fight i showed a lot of toughness n atill won but in the street wen someome starts beon weird i dont know wat to do coz im not used to even havin a basic conversation with anyone i dont know if i hit them or laugh or run n just get dead paranoid in public coz ino i can fight n its tht bad that in my last box8ng fight i was against a big hitter n i wanted him to just spark me cold and for me to neber wake up sorry for paragraph just dont know wtf to do?
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self.depression
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Here's a sample glimpse inside of my mind for the next day [deleted]
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self.depression
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I can never adapt to the world around me. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Facing fears....
My dad rejected me after I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with bipolar. The past 6 months we’ve shared “polite” conversation trying to get things going again. Today we have a session with my pdoc to determine if we’re moving forward or to find out once and for all he is done. Either way, it’s been 5 years and I’m done with the negativity and feeling “less than” in any way. I will have a great deal of peace if we can get back to a close relationship we shared when I was a kid but I know now I’m capable of feeling happiness without him too. It’s a big day of facing fears and standing up for myself and all of us who are judged and prosecuted for an illness we have no control of having. Here’s to having balls.....
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self.bipolar
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I don't hate myself, i just am in a lot of pain and got zero energy. Like, i get up and 10 mins later i wanna go to bed i got no motivation and i got a few chronic pains. I am 18 and should be at the prime of my life and i already feel like I'm 90.
Like fuck this shit man how can i get more energy?
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self.depression
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My family makes me want to kill myself every.single.day. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Numbness and blunting of emotions. Has anyone experienced long lasting feelings of numbness? In general my medication has helped- making me more productive and stable. But one horrible side effect I’ve been having is this numbness. It’s like a blunting of emotion both negative and positive. Its most obvious when things are going bad (my life’s a fucking mess at the minute) but I can’t feel anything. I almost actually want to cry but I can’t genuinely feel anything. In the past my sadness would often turn into depression, but at least I could actually experience it. Now there’s just nothing. Anyone who can relate?
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self.bipolar
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My dad's parents were siblings... My dad's Uncle raped his own sister (my paternal grandma). My dad was the product of inbreeding and rape.
I just found out. I wanna die.
My dad and I have never been close. I never met my paternal grandma or her brother. I wanna puke. What the fuck.
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self.offmychest
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I can o my take so much. It's been about 7 months, idk give or take a month, since my eyes have been in tears each night. I Can only take this feeling in my chest for so much longer, and lately I've been telling myself I won't make it. I want to to to sleep forever and never wake up.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
DAE have trouble studying? In the first few weeks of my sertraline course and can't begin working without noticing my heartbeat speeding up and sometimes even sweating.
Going to meet somebody to discuss options around deferring exams soon - I don't think I can put in a meaningful attempt for my exams given this predicament
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self.Anxiety
|
I can't afford enough alcohol to keep me happy Not drunk enough, so alone
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self.SuicideWatch
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am i having a nervous breakdown? i'm a college dropout. my ADHD and anxiety and depression was too much to keep going in school. my family has themselves convinced that they'll make me go back someday, but i don't know if i'll be alive that long.
last night, i learned that two of my former friends (separated just by consequences, not because they're jerks or anything) are roommates in college.
and i cracked.
I tried to choke myself, and was about to pass out when i thought "this is stupid" and untied myself. I resolved to hurting myself in some different ways for the rest of the night, eventually crying myself to sleep.
this morning i woke up feeling like I was run over by a train or two. i'm extremely dissociated. I tried climbing out my window to possibly jump off the roof, but i didn't have enough energy to push myself up.
do i need to go to the hospital or something? i would hate to, since my birthday is in less than a week, but, idk.
i'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, ADHD, and schizotypal personality disorder if that helps with any tips, i guess.
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self.depression
|
Leaving my job to protect myself but feel awful anyway My job is emotionally draining and its making me worse. So I quit. Today is my last day. My husband says its for the best and we will be okay but I feel like a burden.
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self.bipolar
|
Just trying to get some thoughts out I guess? Its late and I should be going to bed but I wanted to get a few things off my mind. I really hate this life I was given and I dont really know why im still here. I don't really have much going for me. well nothing that really matters to society anyways. I don't have a job, most of the time when I get jobs I end up self-harming to get me thru the days and am too drained to really enjoy anything, and it ends up being a cycle of work, sleep, repete. and even when I waas working I was making maybe $500-600 a month so not enugh to even call myself independat. I have a degree in graphic design, I try to find stuff online to do, but I usually dont hear back, dont get paied, or they change their mind, so It's not really a super viable path for me to take. and I am not really that competivie Im not going to break my back asking to work for people. I go to theapy but It doesnt really help? and It costs quite a bit of money to go and my parents pay for it, like they pay for my meds, and pretty much everything else. Im kind of living on borrowed time. It's only a matter of time until I will get kicked out or something happens, when that happens ill have nothing i guess? I mean that will be the best time to end it. my therapist says that suicide "is a life changer" but Its not like I wanted to live in this world, theres not much keeping me here either, It's hard to describe On the outside I look perfectly normal most people wouldn't think there would be a thing wrong with me and sometimes that makes me kind feel like im just being lazy, but im just sitting here wanted go to sleep and not wake up, I guess that might make me lazy after all.
anyways im just rambling I guess I should go to bed now...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Here it comes again... Been really productive this week. Very chatty lots of singing. Was talking so much this morning missed my turn didn’t have sense enough to turn around so went the super long way. Kept talking left lights on battery died. Very scattered. I’m gonna cry later.
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self.bipolar
|
Obituaries I like to look through obituaries.. sometimes, I would get curious and google their name or facebook to see what kind of lives they had.
Recently, I waved a couple of them on facebook Messenger. Are they going to wave me back?
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self.depression
|
Something I just wrote (possibly trigger) Alone.
Swimming.
no!
Drowning,
In my own emotions.
So much inside
Turns straight to:
anxiety.
Fear.
Stress.
Overwhelming.
I want:
Happy.
Joy.
Love.
Peace.
Breathe in,
breathe out.
Tears fall.
So much inside.
So little words.
Hatred inside me stirs.
Not at the world.
NO!
Only at myself.
So many:
Hopes.
Dreams.
Beliefs.
Strengths.
All these things locked inside,
this shell of me.
Screaming to get out.
I’m screaming with these things,
Only at myself.
Isn’t there anything I can do to help?
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self.Anxiety
|
social difficulties Trying to say something out loud in a group discussion feels like hesitating at the diving board. Eye contact is difficult because I don't know how long or short I should hold it and I sometimes end up holding it for an unnatural amount of time. Making jokes becomes uncomfortable because I don't know how to mentally process making people laugh and it makes me get this weird, uncomfortable, twitchy smile. Conversations usually go on for longer than I'd like so I usually awkwardly and abruptly walk away before the conversation can 'burn out' or end badly. When I walk away after what I felt was a successful interaction, my heart races at the hope that it WAS a successful interaction and the interaction plays over and over in my head for at least 10-15 minutes.
On occasion, none of these are a problem but most of the time they are. What's the matter with me?
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self.Anxiety
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almost christmas hello everyone it’s almost christmas and i wanted to spread some positivity. i know some people in this sub are homeless or don’t have family but just know that we all love you. this is for anyone who won’t see family this year because they’re in a different country or state. i hope everyone has a great christmas even if you’re feeling down. we deserve to be happy on a day where we spend time with friends and family. this is the best subreddit and i’m grateful for each and every one of you.
what are your plans for christmas?
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self.bipolar
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I'm so tired I'm so tired of being dead inside. Nothing ever satisfy me past the 10min moment of "yay I did it!".
A month ago, I found a job after fighting for 6 months. It didn't even make me happy a little, I right away started to feel anxious about other things.
Last week, I won a competition at my school (mastership sandwich course), I was happy for maybe 20min since I worked the whole night and didnt sleep to finish it and it was a team project. Same with my degrees. It just feels trivial to me. It's never enough.
I'm so tired of not being able to rely on anyone. Everytime I tell my best friend how bad I feel, she just ignores my texts. Once I told her face to face, crying, and she switched topic. My other friends are just friends of my BFF or friends from school since my other friends went psycho against me (one threatened twice to beat me up because of his paranoia).
Even worst with my mother: 5 years ago, I had complications after surgery, I begged her crying to take me to the hospital because the pain was awful (a nerve was exposed and the right side of my head including my ear and eye hurt like crazy), but she ignored me and kept playing cards on her computer. She only reacted when I packed my things to go to the hospital on my own because I was underaged back then but only took me the day after. I was put on morphine and it wasn't sufficient to ease the pain. The doctor yelled at her.
My father has anti-social disorder, he used to beat my mother and I before the divorce, and manipulated everyone to isolate us (including sending the social services to try to steal me after the divorce; he also tries to steal my mother money and never paid for child support) and make us obey him (like telling me I was so ugly and stupid I'd end up a lesbian even though I was a smart and pretty kid; insulting to gay girls BTW). I know when he was young he was researched by Interpol and I suspect he was implicated after that in shady business. He's one of these people who could really kill someone if they were angry enough.
You know the worst? I'm not even from a poor background, my family is quite wealthy and cultivated.
I'm so tired of having to contain my hypomanic borderline-delusional episodes to keep my life normal. Because during those episodes, I'm happy. I create a delusions in my head about what could happen, and for that brief moment, I feel fine. But quickly, the reality comes back and I'm so isolated, as if I were in a black hole and being shredded apart.
I'm so tired of thinking about killing myself everyday. I do my best to think logically and don't do it.
I'm so tired of being forced to contain everything because I learned the hard way people hate sad people and I feel even worse when I'm just myself. Today, I've been suffering from a bad stomachache for 3 days, the doc doesn't know what it is (but unrelated to stress). So for 3 days, I hid my best to hide it, until the pain was getting too strong to handle. I finally ordered a cab and I heard people laughing when I said I had to go home because I felt very bad. Unfortunately, I was on the verge of a panic attack and started to develop paranoia.
I'm so tired to being myself.
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self.bipolar
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Someone want to talk to me? (26m) Good evening.
Want to talk about failure and depression.
There is this big cloud hanging over and in me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just want someone to read this 20-something, just feeling really depressed tonight. I was diagnosed with clinical depression while in high school and it has sort of been ruining my life for the last couple of years. I've flunked out of college, been kicked out of the military, and in general just not had a good time in life so far. The problem is, I feel that I don't really have any reason to be depressed. Yes, I am from a very working class family, and that certainly weighs on me from day-to-day, but my family is all very supportive, I have a good job that I enjoy, and I have an amazing girlfriend that is so supportive of me. I have worked so hard to get my depression in check (exercise, counseling, and even medication) but I am not doing any of that right now. Why am I like this? I have no reason not to make my life better in these ways, and yet here I am, crying at my computer screen because I don't feel like doing anything at all. If anyone actually reads this, thank you. Any advice, tips, or anything at all at this point would be really helpful, thank you all.
Update: Holy shit, thank you all so much. It's been a rough ass week and I've just finished reading through everyone one of these replies with my girlfriend. You all are immensely helpful, and I am going to take a bit of every suggestion that I see.
P.S. I guess I should clean more
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self.depression
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A page out of today’s journal. Is it too much to just need somebody? Does that make me a terribly weak shell of a human being? Is it really so bad that I can't do it on my own? Does it make me that much more less than, for needing to be taken care of? For needing someone to hear me, to see me, to feel me, to understand? Am I so awful for not being able to take care of myself?
I feel so absolutely and utterly alone. I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm drowning in an ocean of my own loneliness. Like I'm stuck suffocating in a sea of emptiness. I just wish I had someone here with me. They don't need to save me or fix me. I just want them to be there to hold my hand and tell me its all okay. That I'm not sick or broken or manipulative. That I'm not faking it. That my pain is real. That it's okay to feel exactly how I feel.
I wish someone cared about me enough to just be there.
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self.depression
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Whenever I think about suicide lately I feel so happy [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone here become complacent in life? It's been a year now for me of sticking to my meds and things have been okay but I know they could be better. I'm stuck at a dead end job but I'm not complaining because it pays the bills. But Goddamn I want to be the me i was before my first diagnosis. I see pictures in my mom's house of a confident young man who had the whole world before him. Anything and everything was possible then it all came crashing down. I guess in some part I had myself to blame but I also blame docs who prescribed me meds that wouldn't work so I would stop taking them. It's been nine years and in that time my father, grandfather, grandmother and uncle died. All I have left is my mom who is disabled and a brother I can't depend on. I try to make the best of it but lately I just drown my sorrows with beer. I'm reminded of that "Shameless" episode where the kid is told by a professor that if he doesn't reach his full potential he would end up drowning his sorrows in a bottle of booze. What motivates you to strive for something better and if you have given up why?
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self.bipolar
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Even if I do get into a romantic relationship, I won’t know how to act... I’ve never had a girlfriend and since I’ve never had one I’ve obviously never kissed or been kissed, held hands, had sex (oral and piv) , or have been told “I love you”. I never developed the skills necessary to talk to a woman I like with the objective of possibly dating them. Women for the most part have never played a major part in my life, especially during high school (I’m in college). I honestly can’t fathom me being in a romantic relationship right now. If by some miracle I do get into one, I won’t know how to act and I won’t know how to keep her invested and interested in me. I’m losing faith in myself because of this.
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self.offmychest
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Peer support group wasn't what I expected I was expecting other bipolar/depressed people who could become friends, share experiences, share coping mechanisms, and just socialize. Turns out it was a day camp for people with rather serious mental disabilities.
I'm glad it exists for people with severe autism and other disabilities, but it's not for me. The search continues!
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self.bipolar
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So today I learnt my cousin committed suicide New Years Eve. I'm looking for support around this. I suffer from depression and suicidal feelings myself and this has amplified those thoughts again as I have partly blamed myself for not doing enough and noticing his grief towards the end of last year.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I am drowning Disclaimer: I am just using this as an outlet to get my thoughts into order. I feel like writing them down somehow helps. This might not make a lot of sense.
I've got three problems. One very big, very bad problem and two that spawn from it. Let's start with the biggest problem: My dad is an alcoholic. He's always been, ever since I was born. He'll go months without drinking and boom - he suddenly enters this phase of like 2 weeks where he's nothing but a drunk zombie. The house smells like shit and beer for that time, mom and my sister just stay in their rooms afraid of talking to him and I try to stay away from the house as much as possible.
My mom is afraid of leaving him for financial reasons and I've tried everything in my power. I truly believe I did. I have tried all and everything that I can to help my family. But there is nothing I can do. He doesn't want to get help. My mom doesn't want to leave him. There is nothing else I can do. My father's alcoholism causes a shitload of problems for me: Anxiety, paranoia, depression.
I can't focus. I can't focus on anything. I can't sleep. I can't eat. When dad is walking around the house, throwing bottles at walls, crying out loud, I can't ignore it. I stay in my room and pretend that I can, but I can't. I put on music so that I can't hear what's going on outside, and I stare at the wall until it's 8am and he finally passes out on the sofa. That's when I can close my eyes. This has been my life for the past three weeks, including christmas.
My grades in university are horrible (second problem), I am not going to pass any of the next exams. I'm in the first semester and already feel like I fucked everything up. Because I can not focus. On anything. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And I'm not even sure myself if blaming my dad's alcoholism is the right thing? Am I just using that as an excuse because I'm a lazy piece of shit? I sleep for 12 hours a day and stay in bed for the rest because I don't want to see, hear or smell him. Would I do any better in my exams if he wasn't drinking? I have two assignments due next week and it's going to be very, very stressful
The third problem: Today is my girlfriends birthday. She's the best thing in my life and she keeps me from giving up on everything. Her mom bought us two nights in a nice hotel, it's about a 5 hour drive. She doesn't have a license, so I'm going to drive with my car. About an hour ago, I noticed that one of my car's taillights is broken and doesn't work. The trip to the hotel is tomorrow. It's currently 2am in the middle of the night and I am trying to figure out some way to get this fucking taillight fixed before the trip. My dad knows everything about cars, he'd probably fix it in a minute if he was sober. I haven't talked to him in a week despite constantly hearing him walk around in the house because I am scared. He looks and acts like a zombie and I don't know if he is even going to understand me if I ask him to help me fix my car. if he can't, I'm just going to drive anways and not tell my girlfriend that the light is not working so she doesn't worry.
She really needs this trip. Her life has been horrible lately, people close to her have died from cancer and she is relying on me to take her away from the pain for at least a weekend. Canceling the trip is not an option. I mean, it's only the right taillight. The brake light and blinker still work. So it's not that huge of an issue, especially as we are not driving at night.
I really don't know where I am going with this. I just feel like shit
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self.offmychest
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Im a female , and its hard for me to even make friend with my same gender but easier with guys [deleted]
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self.depression
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Driving 8 hours straight For vacation very anxious Hi everyone ! So my girlfriend and I are driving 8 hours to California we’re leaving at 2AM to get there by 10AM to avoid any crazy traffic. I’m extremely anxious I’ve gotten panic attacks while driving and I’m very afraid I’m going to get one 2 hours in and just be screwed the entire way there. Also I’m very afraid of being away from my house it’s the place I feel safest and we’re going to my favorite place Disneyland so I’m very excited but also just extremely anxious that I’m going to have a panic attack on a ride that I’m strapped into I hate being in a position where I can’t leave and I’m stuck we’re leaving in six hours and I’m feeling so anxious and sick and nervous any tips would be amazing please !
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self.Anxiety
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Need Advice About My Mom Hello Reddit,
I'm wondering if anyone in this group may be able to shed any advice from experience about a rough journey my family and I have been going through.
My mom and I are best friends. We use to talk everyday, until she started a few new medications after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Once the medications hit her, she no longer talks to me. No longer answers her phone. She is a lifeless walking panic attack, which was never the case until medication.
Last May, my mom went through a traumatic experience with her brother almost being killed in Jail. He truly made a miracle of a recovery, but my mom endured a lot of stress from the situation. She went to her psychiatrist who prescribed her Seroquel to help her sleep. It did not help her sleep at all. She went manic in fact. To make a long story short, by the beginning of June she had been involuntarily admitted to the local psych ward on 72 hour hold. During those 72 hours, they took her off seroquel and the anti-depressant Paxil (Paxil she had been prescribed for almost 20 years due to OCD, which had toned down immensely in the past 10 years that she had even had her dosage lowered about 6 years prior to this) and immediately put her on 3mg of Resperidone and 1800mg of Gabapentin. Everything was pretty normal for about 2 months after the new prescriptions, then BAM. She was a completely different person. Zombie-like, unable to take care of herself, a living walking panic attack. It was just awful. Her doctor then only put her on MORE anti-psychotic medications and anti-depressants as well as a benzo. Again, making a long story short.. In September I had spoken to her psychiatrist on the phone during one of her appointments who agreed with me we should taper her off of anti-psychotics. Now fast forward and she has officially been of anti-psychotics for 2 months. She is still prescribed Gabapentin, mirtazapine, and diazepam. She is still in awful shape, but has shown signs on being more cognitive in general.
I didn't speak with her for over 2 months after Christmas. She didn't want to talk to me, or anyone else at that. I saw her right before Christmas (I live in a different state) and told her I would like to be apart of one of her appointments again over the phone, and she wouldn't let me. She moved in with her boyfriend after this all started, who I feel helps her as much as he hurts her.
A few weeks ago. our family dog died. She was 14, but the way it happened was super tragic. I talked with my mom the day it happened and she cried! Which was a great sign to me because 3 months before this she told he she couldn't cry if she wanted to She just had no emotion. So I took this as a great sign! I have noticed she no longer has one worded answers, but she can actually respond to the things I'm saying with short responses. So I see very slow improvements. I feel the experience with my dog passing away has opened her up to me a little bit more. I talked with her again about a week after, and just tried to have a normal happy conversation about me coming home for a visit in a couple of weeks and she seemed to act half-way normal again. I want to keep this door open, and open her trust back up to me again so that maybe she will let me try and help her at the doctors office again one day.. How can I keep this door open? How should I approach my mom about trying to help her again at the doctors when I go home in a couple of weeks? I miss my best friend more than anything, and this has been the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. If anyone has any experience dealing with horrible reactions to medications, and overcoming this yourself or with a loved one. Any advice would be appreciated.
P.S. I probably skipped over a lot of details, so please don't hesitate to ask questions!
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self.bipolar
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When you have a great day and then ... One little thing just grates you. Why?! Why can’t people be more considerate with things they say.
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self.Anxiety
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Best way to try and explain it to my parents? What can I say to make it easier on them? Anything I can do before or say in my note that might help them deal with the aftermath?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I need to tell someone, so here. Before this all happened, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and Mild Depression, making this whole experience worse.
I had swallowed 30+ of just random pills. I don't even know what most were, I just ate them. I have no memory about what happened after I got half way up my stairs, but I woke up in my bed about 27 hours later with such a terrible pain, well, *everywhere* . For a couple hours I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.
I never told anyone because I have trust issues about personal things. I continued going to school, and the whole week my grades spiraled down. I would just sit there, and either sleep, or play on my phone. I told everyone that it was just from a lack of interest in school anymore, and I'm pretty sure they all believed it.
As for recovering from it.. I haven't really made progress from that yet. Almost everyday I'm still having thoughts of trying again, but never go through with it. If I had to be completely honest, the only reason I haven't tried to kill myself again is because mthe cat gets extremely depressed when I'm gone for multiple days.
I have tried getting therapy, but it hasn't helped at all. I'm not the best at confrontation about issues, so none of my friends really know about it. Well, *one* did, but she's gone now. She moved to another state. I'll add more to this if I feel like it later, but right now it seems to long.
Sorry for the format, I'm on mobile.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Polar Warriors: A Great youTube channel for our community! I recently found this YouTube channel, and it's a great recourse! It's great for those who are bipolar, but its also great for friends and family of bipolar people so that they can learn more about what we go through everyday. If you like his videos, please like and share them so that more people can understand what it means to be bipolar. Have a great day!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1HE3FmZKWd4T0FAuTXC2XQ
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self.bipolar
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Out of sync with people I have never had a stable relationship with anyone, for one reason or another anyone I meet or date it just doesn't last. I fucking hate tinder (both because of how it works and because there aren't that many shy nerdy girls that match me) but I don't really know how else to potentially meet anyone that I can try to get close to. I'm quite bad at talking to people on the computer (im an awkward anxious person IRL but it seems to work fine with people who understand), and anyone I talk to on a dating app either doesn't respond or laughs at a shitty pun I made but it very rarely evolves into actual conversation. Its me directing words and hoping they get interested but they usually don't, I feel like a very uninteresting person to most people. I have been told that I'm more fun/interesting in person, but who knows if that even means anything or was just a nice thing to say to me.
I have no friends in real life, luckily I have two close internet friends that keep me some-what sane and mean the world to me. I recently graduated college (december), so I'm not doing a whole lot with my life which probably doesn't help. I've been exercising regularly for close to two months to look less scrawny, and although improvements are slow I'm happy with that. That and cooking more of my own food are pretty much the only constructive things I'm doing in my life, while I obsessively hope to meet someone who'll like me for me.
I just constantly feel like im on a different wavelength to everyone else, that im difficult to relate to (or just awful at making myself relatable) and I just feel emotionless and lonely. I don't really drink, smoke, rave, or whatever else most people on tinder like to do. I feel like sad old man trapped in a 24 year olds body and it seems hard to find the old woman trapped in a youngin to befriend.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just sad, lonely, and bed bound.
Thanks to anyone who read it
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self.depression
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I️ want to vent about a relationship that fucked me up [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My husband is abusing adderall again. He has anxiety and PTSD, and I went with him to the pharmacy about a week ago to pick up what I thought was his effexor to try and get it under control again. He asked for some privacy while he picked up his meds and I thought it was weird but wanted to give him some space. He told me last night he got another prescription for adderall and has been abusing it. I've lost count of how many times this has happened. He's been addicted to prescription stimulants and marijuana before, and it's been this huge cycle. We're in the process of finding him a therapist, but he's always said he doesn't want to do couple's therapy because he would feel like he's on trial or is worried the therapist would convince me to leave him.
I love him but I feel so drained. And I feel stupid for not seeing the signs, but effexor and adderall have similar side effects at first. I feel like I should have known or done something more. I've been struggling through his mood swings and sleeplessness thinking it would get better as his anxiety got under control. We talked seriously about divorce last night but I want to work through it, so I'm insisting on couple's therapy after he's established in individual therapy.
I just feel so betrayed and hurt and stupid. And while I want to exhaust all our options, this just hurts so fucking bad.
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self.offmychest
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It seems illogical to me that people would want to "hold on" to people at any cost who truly want to leave. I don't see suicide as a mental derangement but an honest response to the realities of life, which are for many of us, not worth holding on to.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm still really bitter I got accepted into my dream school my senior year of high school (class of 2016). I was super set to go there; it was a good school for me and my major, and it was sorta a reach school for me (basically I thought I wouldn't get in). Sadly, my dad ended up losing his job around the same time I got into the school, and he said that money, distance (it was 3 hours away), and the fact that it was a party school were reasons why he did not want me to go there. I was so crushed, but I did not want to be a burden about it, so I just... went to a state school that I also got into because my parents wanted me to, and they made me commute. I didn't enjoy attending my state school at all. I was so devastated that I couldn't go to my dream school. Actually, I still am devastated. My parents didn't allow me to take out student loans for college last year, and they said that since they're paying for my education, they want me to go wherever they want me to go.
I know I should get over this, but I'm still really bitter. I think that my life would have been way better if I started my college career at my dream school... I know that I should be grateful that my parents are willing to pay for my education, but honestly, I would have rather taken out the student loans for my dream school than have my parents pay for me to commute to a state school.
I go to community college now, which I enjoy way more than commuting to the state school. But I can't help but wonder, "What if I ended up going to my dream school?" Because I'm 99% sure that if I did, I would be enjoying my life right now.
Thanks for reading... I need help on putting this all in the past and forgetting about it. I would greatly appreciate any advice.
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self.offmychest
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Ive slept for over 18 hours today alone. Does anyone else get like this?
I stopped taking meds a long time ago and now when my depression switches from a lingering monster in the background to an active monster that takes over my control over myself it becomes almost impossible for me to stop sleeping. I oversleep during the night, and then find it impossible to stay awake during the day, and then manage to oversleep at night again. It feels like I can't help it. My alarms don't even phase me when I'm in my depression induced comas.
Friends, family, my boyfriend, everyone is getting so frustrated by the fact that I'm sleeping so much but it feels like I can't help it, I'm so exhausted from just existing.
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self.depression
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I deserve so much better Warning: LONG
While the title might be very suitable for someone who's unhappy with an action that their SO commited, this is actually about my family, more specifically, my parents.
Background info: I'm a 17 year old guy who's turning 18 in March. I live with my parents and my sibling, and i attend upper secondary school in a small town. Am a pretty normal guy, party some weekends and chill with friends whenever i'm free.
My parents have way too little trust in me keeping in mind how mature i behave compared to my age. I really didn't want to phrase it that way is it sounds kinda corny and extra, but it's true. I do well in school, am concerned with my future + i'm alert about the choices i make. I'm a member of a relatively big youth party in my country, and have been active there for about a year. A couple of days ago they offered me a position anyone in my age would dream about, it was my oppurtunity and i couldn't, under any circumstance, let it pass. For getting the position (and the political breakthrough of a lifetime) that they wanted me for, they need you to do an interview in the Capital, which is about 1 hour away by train. So i naturally wanted to go, and said that i would be there and take the interview, i went to tell me parents expecting them to say yes easily, as any sensible parent would do for their child, i mean, who wouldn't be proud? I know sure as hell i would be over the moon if my child would have been in the position i was in, and had gotten such a huge offer.
So i ask them if i can go, they would pay for my stay in a hotel and for food + transport for the weekend i would be there, there's absolutely no reason for them to say no, right?
Clearly there is, as they say that i will not attend, and that i should call them back and say that i changed my mind, at this point i'm completely baffled, so i ask: but why? and they make up some bs excuse about "wanting me to stay home" and then it moves over to "because i said so".
OK, infurating, but fine, i'll ask them later in a nicer and more professional way, and hopefully i'll get a sensible response, so i try again about 2 hours later, i phrase my question as "is there an actual good reason to why i can't go, so that i could try to understand your point of view?". They respond by saying they're afraid of my safety (what the actual hell)
One of two things need to be true for them to legitimately give that reason, either they genuinely fear for the safety of an adolescent who is capable of rational thought, or they don't trust me enough and think i'm making up an excuse to do something else in a city far away. I showed them the messages between me and the interviewer because i thought it was the latter, but no, they actually, legitmately feared for my safety. I had to call back and tell them i couldn't meet up, and cried for at least 20 minutes after the phone call.
At this point i'm furious, is that an actual joke? THAT'S WHY? I emphasized how important politics is in my life, and that they have no legitimate reason to say no, (phrased kinda badly, but keep in mind i was fuming at this point) but to no avail.
That really pissed me off for a couple of days, THEY JUST RUINED MY HOPES AND DREAMS FOR FUCKS SAKE, i worked my ass off to just even come close to getting that oppurtunity, and just like that, it get's crumbled. I made up reasons defending them (because i literally had to, if not i would've never been able to live with myself letting such an oppurtunity go) so i figured that they were really over protective, and that it would be a case of just "hanging in there" untill i move out. I tried to get over it, and almost did aswell.
Untill today, when i was chatting with an online friend of mine through my computer, he's from another country, so we use english as a lingua franca. Whenever my parents hear me talking english, that means that i'm talking to a stranger that they don't know, and that makes them LIVID. They tell me to keep it down, harass me and even shut it off.
Both of the things i described above are infuriating, but they're certianly not the end of the world. But the following observation certainly is: They don't trust me enough, or they literally have no clue who i am. If they don't trust me, than they are the worst parents on planet earth. I do almost everything exactly as they say, yet they never appriciate it, and if that's the case then i shall deeply consider staying in this house for one minute. If it's not because of that, then they have no idea who their own son is.
They don't know about my goals, they can't possibly know about my values, or how i think, or the fact that i try to sympathize with everyone, even when they're wrong, they don't know the value of having a son that always tries to listen to them, or at least hear what they have to say about the situation, they don't appriciate me enough, which leads me to the title. In that case, i deserve so much better, right?
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self.offmychest
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Anyone else find the concept of suicide peaceful? I'm not happy with who I am, I try to be a nice person but I just have everything blow up in my face for being a pushover. Certain experiences and friendships have left me untrusting of anyone I meet due to fear of being betrayed. I don't like going out because I get anxious due to not knowing how to socialise but I feel the same when I stay at home, not sure how I can ever escape this. I tried to kill myself a month ago and I'm annoyed that I'm still here experiencing the same bullshit as before. I've been able to put my mental health aside so I can focus on my university work but right now I feel a constant agony inside, it feels like the only thing which will rid me of this pain is ending my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm too numb for suicide I know it's a click baity title, but it's something that occurred to me over the holiday. Suicidal people must feel something at the very least to want to end it all. But I really don't feel anything.
I want to say I love my fiance, but it could just be a mix of loyalty and desire to do what makes her happy.
I play video games, but they're mostly time wasters at their core. I remember enjoying games, but it feels line it's been a decade+ since then. I usually wind up watching a stream or a video of games online play them vicariously since I can't be bothered to buy a game or if I do (thanks steam sales and bundles) I just let them pile up on my library.
Even when I'm angry, I just feel like I'm behaving the way someone would expect me to act than actually feeling it.
I don't really know about real sadness because I've never lost anything I truly care about. I've been to a few funerals, but I just tell myself that's where we're all eventually headed, so eh, it was their time.
I've been on a myriad of antidepressants. Prozac, Zoloft, amipramine, viibryd, guanfacine, and welbutrin. And that's only just what I can remember. They've currently got me taking 300mg of just welbutrin, when in the past they would always buddy up with a second drug.
I haven't had a good history with marijuana. It would inevitably devolve into dark thoughts or playing past regrets theater. Even though the last time I did wasn't too different from past experiences, my subconscious pulled me aside and had me write the following note
"READ!
You are fucking up.
Uninstall games
She's trying to help you
Get your life together
Seriously
Exercise"
Which I had set as a reminder for the following day. I really tried to use this as a wakeup call, but nothing I have done has helped. I try to stay active, I've been on a diet (lost maybe 50~ lbs in the last year), yoga, meditation (though I think I might be too ADD (diagnosed) for the activity because my mind still wanders constantly despite as my practice), watched a ton of inspirational/self help TED Talks. I don't feel any better than I did back when I wrote my note.
There are a bunch of external factors that aren't helping (I could spend all day on my fiance and my disfunctional sex life), but I wanted to just keep this about me.
And please don't think I'm considering suicide. I never have and doubt I ever would. I just felt that there was a contrast between the depression they felt vs mine. I'm not really looking to debate the difference or demean their struggles. It was merely an observation that lead me to want to tell this to you all.
==========
Wow, I didn't realize how many pleas for help get passed by till I seriously had to dig several pages to get to my post on /new.
Guess I'll need to find another way
|
self.depression
|
I was pulled over for the very first time by highway patrol. Now I'm absolutely terrified to drive. How can I overcome this? Hello Reddit,
About six months ago I was driving home after a very long road trip and at one point I was pulled over by highway patrol for going 87 in a 70 while passing a semi-truck (I was right in the truck’s blind spot and driving right next to those huge semis makes me very nervous). I pulled over right away and the officer was very polite, kind, and understanding. He told me to be more careful and let me off with a warning. Though I am very thankful to have had a positive interaction with the officer, ever since that day I have become absolutely terrified of driving. I used to be a bit of a nervous driver, though that was a fear that I had long overcome and became very confident behind the wheel. Now all of that confidence has completely disappeared and I’m afraid to drive myself anywhere. It has gotten to the point where it’s starting to impact my day to day life. I will drive myself somewhere if I absolutely have to, but I work myself up into a near panic attack every time I get into my car. Whenever I’m driving and I see a police car in my rear-view mirror, my heart will start pounding and my stomach will just drop. I have also recently moved to a new city and I find it very frustrating that this anxiety is preventing me from exploring my new neighborhood. I don’t think that it’s normal or healthy to feel like I’m a prisoner in my own home because of this anxiety that I have about driving. I am completely terrified of getting pulled over again and possibly even getting a ticket. I don’t want to be this way anymore. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to change this?
TLDR: I was pulled over for the first time about six months ago and was let off with a warning. Now I’m afraid to drive.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Tonight might be it I’ve never felt so alone. I reached out to the few friends I have today to try and tell them what’s on my mind but I got nothing but disinterested replies that quickly faded. Either they don’t think it’s serious or they really don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I won’t have to. I’m writing up a note now and if I’m still feeling this way at the end of it I’m gonna do it. Goodbye everyone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Am I having a panic attack? Kinda going crazy right now
Earlier, i was out smoking with some friends and suddenly i began feeling like my body and arms were shaking. It felt a bit like when you're really cold. These symptoms worsened over the next ours and I tried to play it cool. It's been about 3 hours and I'm sitting at home now. My heart is still beating really fast and I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
13 year old planed on suicide, a friend called the police and told them about it. What's going to happen to him? (UK) [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
The holidays are slipping me into a mixed episode with Hypomania Dominant I'm unofficially diagnosed Bipolar II by my therapist and a combination of things, with the holidays being the primary trigger, I'm slipping into a mixed episode.
I have bad depression and anhedonia right now with impulses I'm having trouble controlling - I want to spend money despite having none, I'm chain smoking like crazy just to have some routine, I got a new job which is a stressor, I missed an exam and need to get a medical note asap + troubles with my ex and a guy I'm kind of seeing (who has bipolar too) is piling on to it all with a dash of family problems for good measure.
I am on wellbutrin and it helps slightly but what else can I do? I have this crazy energy and uncontrollable urges but nothing I do is helping because of the depression.
Coping with the holidays while mentally ill is fucking awful.
Edit: I also badly wanna partake in self harm sex and masturbating isn't doing the trick but I don't have anyone to hook up with because it's the holidays and I'm scared I'm going to do some dumb stuff like sleep with this older neighbour of mine I see all the time.
|
self.bipolar
|
Worthless I am 16 everyone I have ever known hates me
Everything I have ever done with my family ends up in me being told why do I ruin everything
I spend everyday going to school coming home and watching YouTube videos
While every normal boy my age is out with freinds drinking and stuff.
So clearly if everyone hates me even people that I have only just met instantly just don't like me... I am just a bad person that clearly does not deserve life or anything good
So tbh I'm kinda a pathetic failure that brings nothing good to the world and I might as well just die because majority rules I guess
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How can I help my brother with depression? My 23 year old brother has been dealing with depression since high school. He's on a medication (not sure which one) for it, but doesn't seem to be helping much.
We grew up in a small town <10k people in the Midwest. He's lived there with my parents his entire life. I moved out when I was 18, went to college, then a couple years ago moved to a Southern state. I'm 31, so the age gap is fairly significant.
Anyways, I think the fact that he never moved out of our parents' place, lived in the gloomy Midwest, and in a town where there's nothing to do contributed to his depression significantly.
I convinced him to move down South with me and my fiance. We live in a larger city ~1 million people and we have 250+ days of sunshine each year. I figured that just the sunlight and more options for things to do should help.
He stays in his room all day (starts a job delivering pizzas tomorrow) and alternately sleeps/watches netflix/ plays video games and presumably drinks all night.
He's only been here about ten days, but already I can tell he's an alcoholic on top of the depression. I caught him at 4:30am sneaking into our liquor cabinet and had poured an entire straight glass of tequila and he was already stumbling drunk. He started crying when I approached him and said he needed my help. It broke my goddamn heart.
I need to figure out HOW to help him. I don't know if being a hardass on him is the way to go or if there's an alternative approach. I invite him to come with us when we go meet up with friends, but he's just not very social. Before moving here, he worked at a pizza place and was considered a very good worker by his boss, who told my parents that he was going to make my brother a manager if he had stayed. So he is motivated to do a good job at work, but outside of that, he just has zero motivation or desire to do anything.
I haven't dealt with depression myself, nor do I know of anyone else that has (at least not that has told me about it), so I'm just really having a hard time putting myself in that mindset. He's not very willing to talk about it, so I'm forced to try to come up with my own ways to help him.
So I'm coming here in hopes that someone who has battled depression and come out the other end victorious can offer some insight into what helped them.
Right now my plan is to change the wifi password every day so that he can't use it until he's showered and walked the dog, forcing him to get on a schedule and get some sunlight/outdoor activity.
I know that exercise is known to help, so I also would like to get him working out with me, but he's pretty resistant to it. I've locked the liquor cabinet and try to check his room for hidden booze every other day to try to curb the drinking.
Hopefully the job he starts will make him meet some other people, but other than that, I'm not sure what else to do.
|
self.depression
|
Rant about life My girlfriend comes from a very rich family, parents own a lot of businesses and live in a massive house on huge part of land with a lake and a river. She has had everything given to her and never had anything really bad happen to her. The worst was her car getting hit by a car.
Meanwhile, my parents had me at age 16 and they were both meth heads that soon went to jail so their parents ( my grandparents ) had to adopt me. My parents and their brothers and sisters stole a lot of money from my grandparents who I live with now. They threw my mom in debt. ( I’m going to refer to my grandparents and dad and mom now) my moms daughter still gets checks from my mom and she’s 30 and has a nice house in the mountains and everything is going good for her. We live in a decent house, very outdated and rural. My brothers and sisters have been adopted away and I haven’t seen them for 7 years. I live in a rich community, most people here get new cars and phones whenever they want mean while I’m stuck with handy downs and having to buy everything for myself.
My girlfriend makes me very happy, even though she hasn’t gone through the back ground I have she understands. I appreciate having her around and she makes me very happy. Her parents seem to hate me because “I’m the first kid to date their daughter”, her parents talk shit behind both of use backs. My girlfriend caught them talking about “snapping my neck and killing my family” I don’t know in which context this was used so I didn’t let it bother me.
Lately this guy added her on social media and Snapchat and all of that stuff. I’m usually the one she texts and always says good morning too and all that kind of sentimental crap.
Ever since they guy added her they talk all the time and she will ignore my texts for hours and hours, but when I text the guy she’s talking to he says “she’s been talking to me all day” and I trust her, but I get very butthurt when I become the 2nd option. She literally just met this kid and he is replacing me like I’m a old fridge, out with the old in with the new.
I asked her why she does this and she gets very defensive about him, it feels they they are dating and I’m the friend. She starts yelling at me and I try making a compromise with her but it’s only me ever giving. I bring her gifts all the time, I make sure she’s having the best day possible, I surprise her with multiple things and I tell her how much she means to me everyday. She never does this back, maybe once in a blue moon.
I ask her a question, such as “where did ya get that from” or “who told you to watch that series on Netflix” and her answer is always that guy.
That guys is the problem and the answer
I get very jealous of him because I feel like a relationship is a 2 way street, but in this the cars are going in the opposite direction. This guy is the only thing that makes us fight. She tells me he’s only a friend, if he was only a friend why does she treat him better than she treats me.
|
self.offmychest
|
Finally exchanged phone numbers with my crush at work today [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate the way I am I hate the way this is I get this pressure in my head when I’m anxious and over my tolerance of negative things. Just today I came to work 5 minutes late and after work I locked my keys in my car and couldn’t get the door unlocked. I feel so stupid and useless my friends are off to fancy Colleges and I’m in a Community college moving to a local state Uni . most of my classes don’t transfer over correctly and even though my gpas is good they don’t give a shit. I wanna be a computer science major but I only have algebra under my belt . I love to code though it’s very challenging I try to force myself to code every day but I don’t the best thing I have is a command line C++ program the converts temperatures . My friends are so smarter than me.. I feel an outcast among them. I only talk to them over discord I only go outside for class and work. I don’t see any point my parents don’t want to travel I have some funds to but no friends to go with. My mom always gets drunk my whole life and then repeats “ am I a good mother” I feel like I’m on a leash if I leave my parents I’m afraid my mom might drink and take her pills by accident which she does a lot. I’m stuck and I’m sorry this is so long , I just wanted to let it all out. At times I just don’t wanna continue this
|
self.depression
|
I feel so fucking alone My boyfriend insists on saying how caring and nice he is to me considering my depression when I tell him he precisely isn't. Also he always tells me he never was that considerate with previous girlfriends and left them for far less when we argue about this.
Yesterday he told me he could understand if poor people, with nothing in their lives, no education, etc. considered suicide, but not people like me, cause when I'll solve the one or two minor problems in my life, "my life will be perfect". I felt so horrible. I feel alone and like my feelings are spat upon.
To be honest one of the only reason I'm still with him recently is because (for complicated reasons) he's the one that owns my cat that I can't take with me for now.
The past months with him have been so awful he's the main trigger of my suicide thoughts. 2 days ago I almost jumped off a bridge after he left me alone during an anxiety attack in a very crowded train station because "I couldn't decide quickly enough what I wanted to do". Afterwards he just said, again, how he just hates when people sulk to him... So basically it's my fault. Again.
I feel stuck in this situation. I don't want to be with him but being alone terrifies me, all the more if I won't be able to see my cat. I rescued him a few months ago, and it's the first time in my life I've felt loved unconditionnaly... Yup, that's pathetic.
I'm sick of everything. I've been fighting so hard but I'm exhausted.
I know I'm privileged. I do have a very good education that could provide me a nice career. But depression cripples me. All I've been thinking about for the past year is suicide. I'm constantly fighting against myself, one day trying to survive, the other looking for any method to off myself.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Some of you liked my poetry so I'll share this recent one with you I've been obsessed most of the summer with a memory of a woman who shared stolen glances with me last spring most days on a campus shuttle. I'll be looking out for her this fall and have been looking forward to the opportunity to actually talk with her. When I have some manic upswings I end up getting a little obsessive about what "we could be" poetry helps me kind of get it out of my system, and also calibrate the reality of my illness.
I have waited (so patient
ly) to feel your presence
to fall down your ledge
diving into your ravine
repine lost moments with
finite time knowing
I will cherish you
I imagine the way your breath feels
heavy, weighted on my neck
and my hands connected firm
against your thighs and i
smell you and undo your
braids and blouse
sacrosanct
I hold you for the first
and last time all at once
'wreck your ship
on jagged rocks cut in my shore;
my ruined light house
which has no light left anymore'
|
self.bipolar
|
Friends having a party, I wasn't invited. Here I am sitting at home at 1:51 a.m. wondering why I wasn't invited to that big party that I was supposed to be invited to.
They even sent me a picture of the party.
Guess that they didn't want me there after all.
I've never been to a party and I had my hopes high up there.
This hurts.
I am so lonely.
|
self.depression
|
My 17 year old Sister and how I can help her I have custody over my teenage sister and she has been diagnosed with anxiety. We are in between therapists because she was having trouble with the previous one. She is constantly angry and causing fights and just hard to be around sometimes, she always on edge and if you make any clinking noise or just constant noise it irritates the hell out of her. My question is How can I help her with her anger and get her to try and cope with this? She doesnt try to find her triggers or find ways to get herself out of her moods. I know its hard. I just want to know how I can help her cope and get her through this. Please give me on insight.
TLDR: 17 year old sister was diagnosed with anxiety. She is having a hard time coping with her irritable and anger. What can I do to help?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I turn 21 tomorrow and I’m scared I am all alone in my thoughts and they are eating at me and saying really disturbing things and i just keep telling myself how much of a worthless pathetic piece of shit I am and I just want to go away forever. I know that feeling nothing has to better than whatever this is. It’s all my fault I’m such a selfish disgusting human being I’m so incompetent it’s time for me to go
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I have given up My final exams start in 3 days, which determine whether I will get into university or not. At the start of the year, I was really motivated to do well. I had perfect attendance, I studied as soon as I got home, and got good grades. I have no idea what happened along the way, but depression hit me hard. I started skipping school a lot, developed terrible insomnia, and my grades slipped. Heaps of people I know are getting scholarships and awards, and I'm struggling to pass my exams.
I know that If I just put in a bit more effort, I could do better. I just can't seem to do it, though. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to give a fuck about exams. I think I've completely given up at this point.
|
self.depression
|
I really, really just want to die I will never be good enough. I will never be cool enough to smart enough or pretty enough or kind enough. I hate myself so much. I just want to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I live with my mom and don't have a social life. I've never had a social life, is that common? I know I'm only 19, but it's like every adult that I've spoken to about late highschool/college seems to bring up a story about hanging out with their friends or fun memories with a girlfriend/boyfriend. I haven't experienced a social life yet, I was pretty overweight in high school and let that cripple any chances I had of hanging out with people because I was afraid they might make fun of me, since kids in middle school did. I lost the weight, but now I'm just kind of a hermit with no social skills. I sit inside all day and worry about how stupid I act when I'm out or at my job. When someone does give me a chance, I'm in my head worrying about what to do with my hands, if my expressions are odd, if I'm acting visibly awkward and so on. Is this something I'll grow out of? Do other people live like this? And if you do/did, is there anything you've done that helps?
|
self.depression
|
How to keep my mental health to myself more? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Struggling to find reasons to not just end it. I just feel so pathetic all the time. If you read this, thank you, I know it's a shit show mess of a post.
So I'm 27 years old (soon to be 28) and I've really been struggling mentally lately. I graduated college in 2012 with a degree in Communications. I get embarrassed when people ask me what I majored in because Comm is seen as a joke and all my friends did stuff like Econ, Engineering, or CS. I'm basically the dude everyone jokes about that peaked in high school.
All my friends have great paying jobs and I see them post from vacations abroad with their significant other and I get so jealous. I had two jobs from 2012-2016 that were really low paying and basically all I could do was afford rent and groceries. I was a fucking idiot and even though I know I'm smart I took the easy way out in college and spent most of my time partying.
I'm 27 and I've never had a girlfriend although I've hooked up with girls before, so I'm not like 100% loser, just like 99% loser. Up until like 2013ish or 2014 I was really sociable until I kinda just started this downward spiral towards depression.
I've since gained weight, i'm like 50lbs overweight and I hardly ever go out anymore. I don't remember the last time I actually have seen a friend in person. I chat all the time with them through text or facebook chat. It's tough though because all my close friends moved to San Francisco for jobs while my first job was in SoCal.
This next part I'm really embarrassed to even type out, but I was just browsing Instagram when I came across this photo of this girl who I guess is like an internet celebrity and I instantly just like fell in love. Now I know I'm not actually in love with her, I don't even know her, I'm more in love with the idea of the girl. And we live like 1500 miles apart, I'll never meet this girl in person.
So I actually started working out this month because I thought, "a girl like that would never want a pathetic loser like me", and every time I'm at the gym and get tired and want to quit and just think "do it for [insert that girls name]" (how fucking pathetic am I?) and I keep going. Seems to have worked, I've lost almost 5lbs since Nov 1st.
And then this week I made the mistake of like creeping on all her IG photos, and I found some pictures of her and her ex-bf and I saw the way she was looking at him in the photos and was just like, "wow a girl has never looked at me the way she's looking at this guy". And i just started crying, like legit bawling my eyes out. First time I've cried since my grandpa died when I was 13. How fucking pathetic is that? If you don't know the look I'm describing just take a look at /r/girlsmirin
I check her IG or Twitter every night before I go to sleep...who am I kidding I check them multiple times a day to keep me motivated to go to the gym or to take my coffee black with no creamer or to eat half as much as I normally eat.
Also I forgot to mention, part of the reason I gained the weight was I was rear-ended on the freeway in 2013 by a dude texting and driving. Since then I've basically been in constant pain. Back pain and shooting leg pain. Ever day getting out of bed is an ordeal. I've been working out on and off because it's like a catch-22. Doctors say I need to workout to get better, but working out causes me pain. If I work out consistently the pain does start to go away but then I get lazy again. I know I probably should stop creeping this girls Instagram pics every day but it's the only thing that is motivating me right now.
In 2014 I took a job out of state and stayed there till January 2016. It was in the midwest and I literally had no friends other than the two random roommates who I found on craigslist when I moved there. But they were a couple so I was mostly third wheeling it whenever we went out. So for two years I basically just worked this shit job 6am-7pm, 6 days a week, and just came home and did nothing and talked to nobody.
I thought maybe I should just kill myself, nobody would miss me most likely. I ended up getting a puppy instead. At least he loves me. But that's just cuz I give him food and take care of him. But at least that's something that cares about me.
I finally felt like I was going to lose my mind working that job so I just quit and moved back home into my mom's house. I've been here ever since, unemployed. A fucking pathetic loser. I'm seriously just a waste of space.
I took a couple computer science classes this year and I just got accepted into Oregon State's online post-bacc CS program staring in January 2018. Reading the reviews online maybe I'll be able to get through it and get a real job like my friends and actually earn money and not just be a loser.
But still that's at least a year or two away from being done. So I'll be like 30 years old. Still probably will have never had a girlfriend or anyone love me, except my dog. Just wonder if it'd be easier to end it. Probably won't cuz of my dog.
Literally all I do every day while people are out being productive is take my dog to the dog park, except wednesdays when it's closed although sometimes I take him to the dog park a couple towns over cuz it's open on wednesdays, go to the gym (as of this month), take a couple CS classes at my local community college, run my shitty online business. Wow so much to write home about. I'm embarrassed anytime anybody asks me for an update on what I'm up to.
I don't think I could actually kill myself cuz I'm too much of a coward. Plus the thought of my dog being abandoned makes me sad. If you read all of this, thank you. And sorry. I'm sure reading this was a real joy ^/s
tl;dr : my life is pointless, probably wont' end it just cuz of my dog tho. also i'm a coward.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what to do when I'm alone anymore. I used to have things to do by myself but lately nothing is fun anymore. I used to enjoy gaming, now I don't like single player games and I don't play enough to be good at multiplayer games. I used to watch series but now I get bored. I used to go to the gym, but I rarely seem to find the motivation. I used to play instruments but I don't want to anymore. I want to meet friends but at the same time it exhausts me. I love listening to music but even that turns into chore sometimes.
Whenever I'm by myself I just get lonely and lost because I don't know what to do with myself.
I mainly wanted to get it off my chest, but if anyone has advice I'll happily take it.
|
self.depression
|
I wish I was dead Life would be so much better for everyone if I wasn’t around
|
self.depression
|
I want to write a book before I do the deed. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Flight anxiety Good morning. So, I am not a fan of flying in general...I also suffer from I would say moderate to severe anxiety. Tomorrow I am scheduled to fly on a Beechcraft King Air 250 Turboprop Jet that my company owns. It's only an hour flight, but I am nervous, much smaller than anything I've ever flown in. I just started this job 2 months ago and I fear having an anxiety attack 32,000 feet above the ground in the midst of my new coworkers. I have created a calming spotify playlist that I plan on listening to, I also plan on doing some yoga in the morning to try to get in the right mindset. Any other suggestions? Also...forecast for tomorrow super cold, sunny winds 15-25 mph with gusts up to 40 mph.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just cut myself and it wont stop bleeding [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Very strange anxiety symptoms? Hello all, first time posting here.
I've had general anxiety for a long time but I feel like my anxiety spells hit me out of no where and with very strange symptoms. I rarely ever get the racing heart, shortness of breath, etc. Instead manifests as a very strong gag reflex (like if I talk at all, I'll wretch), dry heaving, nausea and dizziness.
I suppose I'm just looking for some clarification; if anyone else has experienced these symptoms with their anxiety. My doctor seems to think it's all anxiety related, especially considering the symptoms seem to subside when I take .25mg of Xanax. Thank you all in advance.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Consistent vision problems lately Lately - mostly as I attempt to sleep - my vision becomes warped. I feel like I'm in a massive room, where everything feels close yet incredibly far away. I believe it's Alice in Wonderland syndrome. This has last between 5-30 minutes.
Anyhow, things have progressed tonight where my vision has a complete fuzzy sheet over it, too. I can identify things, but not very clearly - my eyesight has completely deteriorated in the last hour - it's that severe. Anything I look at has this strange texture over it - and again, looks very far away. This case has lasted well over an hour now though, so it's starting to feel an issue.
Is this something that's typical with anxiety? I've made massive strides to control my symptoms over the last year, and feel completely fine most of the time, but then very debilitating - and new - symptoms like this come over and swamp me, and makes things hard. I have a genuine fear I'm going blind.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just want it to fucking end Depressions been bad for the past couple of days, I see no reason to continue living but don't have the balls to kill myself. I've been thinking for years what a sure fire way would be but can't think of one that's accessible to me. What's the fucking point in life. I'm never going to amount to anything and nobody's going to remember me after i'm dead - why can't i just end my suffering now?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What to say to Psychiatrist? and so it begins, another sleepless night thinking about what to say to my psychiatrist im meeting tomorrow...
what would she want to hear?
what would i want to tell her about myself?
what kind of tone should i take?
would she care to hear about my problems at all?
anyone who has gone to psychiatrist have any ideas?
|
self.depression
|
I guess I'll be ending and starting the new year in an inpatient psych hospital. At least I get to add it to my two birthdays and a Halloween (and Valentine's, St Patty's, long weekends who's holidays I've forgotten). Who knows maybe by the time I'm stable I'll have spent all the holidays in a hospital.
|
self.bipolar
|
I hate the holidays and they're creeping up fast I LOVE Halloween, but after that immediately comes thanksgiving and (shudder) Christmas.
Idk what it is, but I get severely depressed around the holidays. Last holiday season it was bad and I had extremely terrifying intrusive thoughts. It was upsetting bc I felt like it prevented me from enjoying my wedding last December.
Hopefully now that I'm on meds, I won't get so down this holiday season.
|
self.bipolar
|
No more of anything I thought was going to save me. I was not a smart person to begin with, I was always clumsy, stupid and never had any talents in my life. Two years ago I had a revelation where despite my lack of skills/talents I realized that I can cultivate an extremely powerful work ethic and win through with determination rather than talent. Life went well and I had outstanding grades going up from a D average to A average. But then it stopped 1.5 years ago, since then I have been overly lazy, zero direction and quickly my work ethic withered, I developed OCD and now I've felt depressed for over a year now (though unsure if I have depression or just sad about the state of my life). Now here I am, zero talents, nothing going for me and I can't win with hard work anymore. I can't find meaning in anything I do, I just feel like I have been cursed or something. Now I see all these motivation posts, things which used to push me further but now I just get more depressed, why should I be motivated? To keep working at something, and then die and lose it all? Why are people so obsessed with working on your dreams, things I used to believe but questioning them I realize that there isn't a point in having dreams.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I Took Ativan Today and was Given Beautiful Clarity and Contentment [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Getting anxious over something really stupid I recently got my first ever job, and this week my manager didn't send me my roster. I already sent a message at the weekend to ask him to send it to me, but it's Monday now and I've still heard nothing. I'm getting so worked up thinking that I might miss work (I usually only work weekends, which is relaxing me a bit), but I'm also getting worked up thinking about messaging him again because I'll feel like I'm harassing him, or maybe he didn't send my the roster because I'm not actually working any days this week.
I know the obvious and simple solution is to literally just message again, and I'm telling myself that, but my anxiety is also making me question everything. I feel like an idiot submitting this, but I'm hoping some of you guys also deal with getting anxious over 'dumb' things like this.
|
self.Anxiety
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i'm only 15 and i'm about to kill myself i'm fifteen.
i have a narcissistic mother. at first, everything was fine. then when i was 8 we moved halfway across the united states with my other scapegoat brother, my golden child brother, and my enabler dad. i was badly bullied at school. i was shoved against bathroom doors and called names. i have autism(but it's pretty mild, i can pass for nuerotypical sometimes), a severe stutter and a math learning disability. i failed math because of the bullying and the disability(and the fact that i couldn't focus because our class was so fucking loud). mom screamed at me, called me ungrateful and stupid, she threatened to lock me out in the garage. she created rules that only me and my other scapegoat brother(who has adhd) had to follow. we were humiliated and emotionally abused as our golden child brother was treated with respect. i still wonder every day what i did wrong, because it wasn't just math. i got bullied for the next six years as her abuse and gaslighting continued. she'd say i was overreacting. i stopped speaking at 10, began thinking about suicide at 12, and became a bulimic cutter at 13. i also attempted at 13.
on february 21, i tried to kill myself again. the only thing that keeps me alive is the song "hold on" by derek hough. but i don't think i can hold on any longer.
- jenna
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self.SuicideWatch
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