text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
I still want to get back together with my ex. Will this feeling ever go away? :(
|
self.offmychest
|
lamictal (Lamotrigine) dosage decrease - here's what i'm experiencing 5 days ago I began lowering my dose of lamictal (lamotrigine) from 100mg per day to 50mg per day. Here is what I have experienced thus far:
Day 1
-No significant or notable change
Day 2
-Slight fatigue
-Increased appetite/sense of taste
-Slept better (more deeply [i'm also a narcoleptic])
Day 3
-Slight fatigue
-Some irritability
-Slept good
Day 4
-Slightly more fatigued
-Considerable irritability
-Slept okay
Day 5 (today)
-Slightly less fatigue
-Negligible irritability
-Almost no appetite whatsoever
I will note that there has been unnoticeable, if any, negative impacts on my overall mood or cognitive functioning that I can tell. I have type 2 narcolepsy and am on several other medications in addition to lamictal including; adzenys, adderall, latuda, and estazolam. I smoke 2-3g urb daily. Hope this helps someone.
|
self.bipolar
|
I actually WANT anti-depressants, but not for the reasons most people think I've been thinking about this for awhile. I've been seeing a therapist who I now realize is useless for about 5 months, and like the last therapist I saw, she wants to put me on mood stabilizers or anti-depressants. I've always fought against that idea that I needed drugs to help me. But now, I'm so exhausted and so done and so tired of watching my life go by that I realized I want the damn drugs.
I don't want them to help me get better, I want them as an escape. If I got them, I wouldn't even take them. I would just hoard them until a day comes (which it inevitably will) when my existence becomes so pathetic, so worthless and so devoid of even the tiny shred of meaning and purpose that I currently possess that I just say "fuck it" and take the entire bottle with a scotch chaser.
I don't plan for the future unless its for death. And right now, after ten years of absolutely no change and pissing my life away, that plan seems pretty fucking solid.
|
self.depression
|
Thought I was okay, but now everything’s going back to shit I was in a psych hospital for three months after my attempt, and I thought that since then I had gotten better. Now that it’s finals week and first semester has completely fucked me over, I know that I never really changed and therapy has been a lie.
I have thoughts of death permeating every corner of my thoughts, so I can’t sleep at night unless I get so high I pass out. My eating disorder is acting up again and I’ve lost weight, yet I still hate my body and wish I could starve myself more. I feel so ugly and stupid and unwanted, and I just wish I had succeeded and died three years ago.
|
self.depression
|
i feel like it's too late for me to change i don't even know where or how to start .
24 years old , been struggling with depression and anxiety for as long as i can remember . if it wasn't for my religion i would've committed suicide long long time ago ..
i don't even know who to talk to or what to do . i can't even talk about it freely without being afraid that i might get judged by people online that i will never meet .
i live in a society where depression is laughed at or being depressed makes you a .. (freak)? or it's because i don't pray enough and i am not close enough to god , that's why i am feeling shitty it's my punishment ..
i feel like i have no hopes or dreams , no motivation to do anything .
i graduated from college and i am not sure what to do with my life any more .
actually there is one thing that kinda helped me go through those dark days , is that i signed up for organs donation . this way i can at least be useful even if it's after my death .
|
self.depression
|
Didn’t go as high as normally would An event happened just before I was about to get to bed. And that normally would have kept me up for hours.
I’m on only 50mg quetiapine but the high was allowed to shoot up.
It wasn’t perfect. I’m still up today, which manifested as singing in the shower, messaging my friends and setting up dates without thinking too much.
I’m coming down a bit now and calming down. Anxiety is also setting in.
|
self.bipolar
|
My story, more or less. There is no TL-DR; I couldn't think of one, sorry for that.
Just a note to better understand the situation. Where I live,
the education is a requirement till the age of 18,
and the schooling goes as follow: 6 years of primary school,
3 years of secondary school, 3-4 years of high school
(depending on the type) and 3-5 years of college.
There also is elementary school at the very begining,
that takes around 6 years also, but I omit that one,
since I don't remember much.
BTW I wrote it just now and english isn't my native language,
so sorry for all the mistakes I've probably made.
My shit fucking life:
Childhood:
While still in elementary, I, already abused by my family,
was a witness in a lawsuit against my brother, being 5-6 year old
I run away from the courtroom cause I was scared, but they forced me
to testify anyway. My family was abusive af, parents fought a lot,
mother was a heavy smoker and fought a lot with my father,
who was an alcoholic and a thief. School became my saving grace when
I reached primary, and (as stupid as that sounds) I managed to get
a girlfriend, until 5th grade, at which she broke up,
and went for a new guy that joined our class that year.
Of course I hate him, but for the 6th grade I moved with my mom anyway,
since my grandmother on mothers side got a third stroke and was unable
to function on her own anymore.
Teenage:
Adapting to new school for 6th grade went to shit,
my classmates hate me, all of them for various reasons,
like telling the teachers when they bullied me or when I didn't like the same
sports and sport groups caused frequent (phisycal) fights and almost
not having enough frequency to pass. Then during the
1st grade of the secondary school, I needed to move again,
because of it going completely to shit,
and my mom took early steps for me to not fail the education
(since not learning till the age of 18 is an actual crime).
In the new school I'm able to adapt to the class,
only beacuse two of my best friends were in the same school,
and one in the same class. I then lose one of them because I don't feel
like I can trust him after he lied to me about a lot of things and started
telling teachers about stuff I told him in secret, kinda to vent.
In the meantime I'm trying to get close with one of the girls in the class,
cause she was allowing it (teasing me kinda), before I got to know
she had a boyfriend all this time, ending with me fighting him,
and never talking to her again after that. I almost don't pass the last class,
cause of science but I manage to get to talk about it with the teacher,
and negotiating an exam as my last chance. I passed it.
Onto the High school, I've moved again, back to my mother,
and my parents stopped talking to each other.
1st class was going okay, I was getting good grades,
and even got myself a girlfriend, again, despite half of the class
being from the 6th grade I had so many problems with, but suicidal thoughts
and depression never stopped, I just tried to think about it when nobody was looking.
Second grade in high school was when shit went down. I started fighting
with my gf about stupid things (also that's the point of no return when
our relationship goes downhill only from), start to miss school again
and get into a fight with my best friend from before, effectively not
being able to trust him anymore so it ends on only playing games together ever since.
At the end of the semester I tried to commit suicide not for the first time,
but first time it almost worked out. I managed to calm down and call emergency line
before pills took their toll. My parents also got a divorce, with my mom getting
all the parental rights. 1 month in the hospital, and for once somebody seemed
like they cared for me, my mom and my gf. After it I was forced by the hospital
psychiatrist to take part of a therapy to help with my depression.
They told me to regularly take several kinds of pills, and they should help.
I've been taking them for a short while, but after a week or two I stopped,
since after the attempt using pills, everytime I looked at them again I thought
about what happened, but I never told my psychiatrist about that.
I had a choice, to be truthful about it and be forced to go to school with
the class I managed to hate and be hated in, in a span of 4 months,
or lie to her about it and still get papers for homeschooling.
I took the latter and passed the second grade. Third grade goes kinda smoothly,
even through some fights with a teacher I manage to finish the year.
In the holidays between third and the last - fourth grade,
my relationship have fallen to pieces. We already managed to break up around 5 times
during the relationship, but always one of us came to the other asking,
if we could try again. at the end of holidays we end it deffinetly, I get told
she knew what was going to happen and were preparing for it over the holidays,
that's why she stopped talking and we stopped seeing each other.
Last grade starts, I was trying to motivate myself that the end of the school is near,
but it wasn't enough. I started missing lessons again, turned out I'm far behind
in the means of progress, and I couldn't catch up. After 2 months I stopped participating
alltogether and 1 week later I tried to commit suicide again, as usual,
chickening out at the last second and almost dying anyway
(I slipped trying to get off a tree with a noose still around my neck),
but managing to grab onto something. 1 week later, I am here,
writing this piece of shit.
Thanks if you made it this far, I hope it was entertaining,
in it's own sense. I don't really know why I wrote it.
I just felt like doing that would help, since I don't have any more people
I'm close enough to talk about any of this
(I have no friends, and I talk to 3 people overall, all of them online).
|
self.depression
|
Endoscopy procedure in relation to emetophobia (Vomiting phobia) Hi, I'm new to this sub and I was looking for some advice (if possible). I suffer with generalized anxiety disorder and intertwined with that is a severe phobia of vomiting, which has persisted since I was about 9 or 10. (I'm in my early 30's now)
Anyway recently I've been suffering some severe stomach related symptoms, to the point whereby I can't ignore it anymore.
However due to my severe vomiting phobia- I'm absolutely terrified to have an endoscopy, which is why I have tried my best to ignore my symptoms (not smart I know but anybody that also suffers with emetophobia will understand where I'm coming from).
I was just wondering if there was anyone that frequents the sub and has gone through a similar thing, and most importantly I'm trying to find out if there is a less invasive alternative to an endoscopy that they are aware of?
Hopefully this is suitable for this sub and thanks for taking the time to read my post.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else wish they were unique? It's weird, but I always wanted to be different, special or really good at something. I grew up with many hobbies, but at all of them I was always just 'mediocre'. I am alright at many things but not good at one particular thing. I don't have any defining qualities or traits that make me stand out compared to others.
I'm realizing more and more that I'm not different, I'm just a boring human. I want to write poems, draw amazing art, but I can't do either.
I just feel like a blank sheet of paper.
|
self.depression
|
A poem to life, from the bottom of the abyss Hi, I´ve just written this little text while on the bus. Hope someone likes it and\or finds it useful. My relation with poetry is a bit sad, I live in a family completely science-orientated, and my dreams of writing literature has always been discarded as bullshit, as I had no talent for it. However, today I discovered this community, and it has encouraged me to share my experiences with depression.
Hope you like it!
P.S.: English is not my mother tongue so sorry for any mistakes.
----------------------------
When you look into the abyss
And the abyss looks into you,
Penetrating, objective,
He analyzes your insides
and devours your name.
----------------------------
But sometimes, only sometimes,
when you look into the abyss,
He ignores you, threes not even silence.
And nothing happens at all.
----------------------------
You would give all to the abyss,
just to get devoured by him,
Annihilation is all you ave left,
but even the abyss doesn't care about you.
----------------------------
Desperate, you cry:
“Who am I?”
Please, I just want to hear a voice.
It does not matter if it is true or not,
I just need an answer,
because that would mean I am something,
to someone.
----------------------------
However, the only thing you can hear,
is the silence in past conversations.
----------------------------
You cry, and emptiness conquers you,
the beauty of your words no longer matters,
if not even the abyss hears them.
----------------------------
Everything looks so simple,
filling my emptiness would be so simple…
----------------------------
I just need to be answered,
be something to someone,
be mentioned, praised or even insulted,
But be called.
----------------------------
Only then,
When even the abyss abandoned me,
I discovered the formula to smile again.
----------------------------
And you feel the taste of a tear,
that has slipped into your tongue,
Cached by a smile.
----------------------------
This must be hope…
|
self.depression
|
Is it possible to have both? So I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder about 10 months ago. Since then it has been some trial and error to get medications right. After some tweaking, my psychiatrist and I decided that 40mg Latuda was working well to keep me stable. I wasn't really getting depressed or having hypomania but I was super tired all the time. So my psychiatrist prescribed me 18mg Concerta and it has made a world of difference. I can stay awake all day and it has even helped me focus a bit more. Normally Concerta is used for ADHD so I went on their subreddit to see how people normally feel when on this drug, as I was experiencing some side effects. As I was reading posts there I found myself relating quite a bit to some posts there. So I'm wondering, is it possible to have Bipolar and ADHD? Could I be misdiagnosed?
|
self.bipolar
|
Extremely fatigue after a day at work Really fatigued after work. All I want to do is sleep. Is that what life is work then go home and sleep.
|
self.depression
|
I’m scared my anxiety looks like something worse, like addiction. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want it to end. I want my life to end.
im not saying im going to commit suicide, nor would i put myself in a position for it to happen but each day this thought greets me in the morning and is waiting for me through the day until itll lay down with me in the evening reminding me of how shit it all is.
my daughter means the world to me, shes almost 3 and has been growing so well the past few months... but it hurts, she reminds me of her mother. each new thing she does makes me think how her mum should be there seeing it. our second child would've been born last month too. thats another fuck up on my part, i always wanted a family and i lost it.
I've given up. i dont want to live and i know thats selfish. i used to be so close to my immediate family and now i struggle being near them. ive been living on a pullout couch with my daughter for almost a year now too. she deserves better than me. i want her mum to take custody so i no longer have her relying on me and i can truly die.
I hate the loneliness. going from having my best friend and the person i loved next to me 24 7 for 3 years to being alone. it still hurts. i dont beleive people when they say it gets easier anymore. i still love her but shes moved on. she had moved on before she even left me.
it hurts. is it selfish to want the pain to end? is it selfish that i dont care that itll hurt my brother and sister and other family? if it wasnt for my daughter i know i would have died long ago. i just dont know anymore.
i dont know how long i can keep this facade of living going.
im sorry my beautiful daughter.
|
self.offmychest
|
Struggling with everything My therapist once divided life into three pillars, spiritual, physical, and mental.
**Physically**
I have bipolar disorder. I struggle to stay into things on my lows, and get too into them on my highs. Right now I'm in one of my larger valleys I've ever been in. I quit going to the gym and have put on 30+ pounds in two months. I don't eat well, hardly sleep, and don't do much exercise at the moment.
*Spiritual**
Well, this one has always escaped me. I'm an atheist, but my therapist said it doesn't have to be religion. Just some purpose or feeling of belonging. I've never felt that. I had an existential crisis in eighth grade that had me suicidal. Then another a few years later, and more after that.
**Mental**
Terrible. Absolutely terrible. I'm trans. I've made no steps toward living my best life. I wake up every day and say things that normal, rational humans don't say to themselves. I get so uncomfortable thinking about past events that i blurt out "suicide" out loud, causing some more awkward moments.
My grandfather just died. And i felt nothing. Still don't. I just... my sadness isn't there, a total lack of emotions.
**Social**
This is a fourth pillar that falls under mental, but we talked about it at length. I blow up at my friends over the smallest things- probably because they say things that are so offensive but that they don't why i take such offense to them, or even much about me. I feel like a fraud, as i portray myself one way just for the sake of friends, but am completely not.
The lies sting and cut deep. And i feel alone. Here i sit, should feel like i have it all because i do, yet i don't. I feel terrible. I feel... like a mutant. Like an "it." As if there's no way out, no recourse other than to pick one of two options: be labeled a coward by my detractors and championed as something I'm not by those who claim to love me, or live a long, desolate life filled with regrets as something I'm not.
/rant (hope this is okay to post here..)
|
self.depression
|
To whom it may concern: Whether you believe it or not, I did the best I could from the beginning. You were the focus of everything in my world and I gave you everything I could. You changed my life for the better and for that, I thank you sincerely.
Whether you want to admit it or not, you know she's had countless chances to get shit together and she decided to do nothing instead. She had the goose that lays the golden egg and she let it die of old age instead of taking advantage while it was still alive.
I was more than fair to her. You know that. I understand when you come to her defense though. But you must realize that everything that has happened is no one's fault but hers. She's the only one who can take control of the situation until you figure out your own way.
I'm done with the games. I won't be given the silent treatment and only contacted when shit hits the fan. Those problems are no longer mine to worry about and I won't have someone walk in and out of my life whenever they want. I won't dwell on the matter. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain. I wish you the best of luck with whatever path you take. Goodbye booger.
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't want to get out of bed in the morning [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
lamotrigine and increased paranoia? I started taking lamotrigine 2 or so weeks ago after being diagnosed bipolar.
Let me give some back story:
I've been diagnosed major depressive disorder, ptsd, social anxiety, and psychosis in the past but had been off all meds for 4 years or so. Up until last year i was doing okay. Then I was doing really bad, very depressed and suicidal. Wound up in the ER 2 or 3 times (I can't even remember now) but after trying zoloft and welbutrin xl and still having issues (though I loved the energy welbutrin gave me the anxiety was 10x worse, my primary doc put me on clonazepam) I saw a psycharist who diagnosed me bipolar and started me on the lamotrigine 25mg. 2 days ago I upped to 50mg. The last few days I've been having increasingly paranoid thoughts. I recognize it for what it is because the thoughts im having relate to the things and people that gave me the PTSD. I am safe now. I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I didn't care for the way the psycharist who diagnosed me talked "at" me, so I have an appointment in a few more weeks to see someone different, at a private practice (not a state run facility) and I'm wondering what to do. I've been on the lamotrigine for 2 weeks + a few days. Is it safe to stop taking and wait it out until I can see the new doctor or should I continue taking it even though I'm fairly certain it is causing the increased paranoia?
Sorry if the back story wasn't needed, and sorry if more info is needed. I'm kind of a mess at the moment.
|
self.bipolar
|
I had goals until I met my gf, and now I'm depressed and miserable and have nothing to live for. Don't know what to do. I had goals and accomplishments and then ever since i met my girlfriend, everything feels like its going downhill. I had saved 15,000 in my bank account and ever since she found out I been living paycheck to paycheck. I no longer have that 15,000 due to her being manipulative and abusive, if she doesn't get what she wants, she will cry until she gets it. She also acts depressed in public when I don't get her things she wants and it looks negative on me. Whats even scary is when she spazzes out or freaks out, its like something you see from a exorcist movie.
I been with her for two years and during those years, i attempted to dump her almost all the time but she tells me she would change for me. Thats a lie because she tells me what I want to hear and now that I stuck around and she has me back, I'm stuck dealing with the same problems I had in the first place.
I was somewhat depressed during the months we dated and now that it's been two years, i'm serverly depressed. I don't care if i fail in college, i don't care if i get in a wreck, i don't care if i lose my job or something happens to me. I don't want to be alive because of this girl. I tried dumping her tonight and she still won't let me. I'm at the point where I rather go to jail than have to see her.. I really need help, I tried breaking up with her but she is pulling her same tricks again. She is going to feed me the same bull shit but this time, I really can't stick around. I'm at the lowest point in my life and I never felt this way before.....
It really eats me up, I've done so much for this girl i thought i loved just to really find out her true colors. I feel robbed out of 2 years of my life. I have no money. I have no relationship with my family because of her. I hate putting a fake smile to work. I thought I was being a gentleman and generous by spoiling her but in the end, she really played me good. She manipulated and controlled me.
I told her I was graduating this year from college and wanted to walk the line but she told me not to walk the line and also said she wouldn't be able to make it because she booked a trip to vegas. That really showed her true colors...
|
self.depression
|
I feel numb again! Hi everyone, I feel a numb feeling again which is very annoying. Tell me anything, I just want someone to talk to.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else get anxiety being sick in public? I came down with a cold yesterday and it’s in full force now today. I’m sneezing and sniffling and coughing up a storm. My office is dead quiet, and there’s no white noise unless there’s a lot of activity or a lot of us are on the phone at the same time. When it’s quiet, I get so self conscious about how loud my sneezes are, how often I’m sneezing, how loudly and weirdly I’m blowing my nose and just about any other thing associated with a cold. I feel like absolute shit but I can’t even do things, like blowing my nose or coughing to clear my throat. to make my self feel better because my anxiety is through the roof worrying how I’m annoying everyone.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this because I’m driving myself nuts.
|
self.Anxiety
|
those with Depression, is holistic medicine effective for treating Depression or is it just all a big lie? i am someone who thinks this practice is asinine and just nonsensical. people who think they have a relationship with the earth are delusional idiots who are living in a brainwashed state. i would much rather trust approved medications and approved therapeutical practices like therapy to treat Depression, not holistic medicine that all seems like a placebo. i am not denying certain herbs can make you feel better but they can't treat depression. so i ask those with MDD or other disorders, does it work?
|
self.depression
|
I'm low-key freaking out and I just need to talk to people who understand what I mean. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone feel like you're just kidding yourself? I always try to be a more positive person and i do pretty good during the day at school, I talk to people, act happier and don't get down about the little things, I pretty much only am "happy" when im around other people. But when im alone I realize that it's just all an act and it's not even the real me. I'm a sad ass person but i don't want other people to think that. I mean my main goal is to have people in my life and other people don't want to be around a sad mess right? I dont know guys i don't know
|
self.depression
|
help i made this throwaway and i don’t know why. i think to vent or ramble about how i feel since some people i know also know my main account. i haven’t been okay in a long time. i’m 20 but more of my life i’ve been like this than an actual functioning person. i made a whole long rambling post in /mentalillness but idk. i don’t ever post much anyways so idk who to do or say or where to go. i just feel really alone and i’m so scared
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It never gets better Nothing ever gets better. 2018 was supposed to be better. It's 5 days in and my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because I have too much shit going on in my head and she doesn't feel like she can responsibly take that on, on top of her shit.
Which is fair. But. It still fucking hurts. I miss her already. Two break ups in the space of 6 months. That hurts a fuck ton. Why am I so unlovable? Why do I push people away by being so broken? I'm a fucking mess. Not even my Doctor cared what I had to say. He just threw another prescription at me and asked me to leave. I really don't feel like I will ever be better or okay again. And if that's the case I don't want to stick around to watching my own fucking fall. I'd rather not be here. I'd rather not be anywhere ever again.
|
self.depression
|
Thank god im free! Sometimes you see shit and it really reminds you of how lucky you are.
I thank god that I got away from you and that I came out of our relationship particularly unscathed. For a while after we broke up I didn't regret our relationship but tbh now I wish I would've given my virginity to like... an actual man and I would've given my heart to someone who was worthy of it instead of you. Thinking back on my time wasted dating you makes me actually sick. No matter how much kindness and forgiveness I've given you, you always turn around and treat me like shit. That says a lot about you as a person. You take advantage of my compassion and stomp on it because you are essentially an ill tempered child. You say that since we broke up you have changed and grown but that's not true at all, you're the same exact person as before who will never learn. You're an abusive alcoholic asshole who's never going to change and you made that abundantly clear when you called me a week ago. I stayed on the line with you as you drunkenly babbled for like half an hour. About how you took your dads car when you were drunk and had to run from the cops doing like 130 mph?? And even more, you have the gall to insult me over the phone but then tell me you love me still, call me over and over again until my boyfriend has to answer and then you're extremely rude to him and ask him if we were "fucking". And you did all that after I went out of my way to attempt to be polite and kind to you. I get you might be rolling your eyes rn or pissed cause who am I kidding this is you we are taking about but can you honestly say that's not fucked up. Can you honestly say I've done something to you that's worth the shit you try and give me? All I ask is that you please leave me alone, please stop trying to get to me over social media, and let me have a life of peace where you're not in it.
|
self.offmychest
|
It does NOT get better!!! I really consider suicide, i really have no strength to fix things. I keep crying all the time because I'm so hopeless! I just want to end it forever. It's so hard to keep my happy face. I don't see the point of living this way, I want out...
|
self.depression
|
Where to ask this? (Psychosis) Hi,
I realize I don't really know which subreddit this should go in, idk what you guys think. As I'm sure some of you know I'm a frequent poster here. I am currently struggling the most with hallucinations, I've been in a non stop hell for the past 6 days, with the main staple being a reoccurring visual hallucination but definitely other stuff too.
I really don't think I'm manic, I've generally been sleeping, except today I woke up a bit ago and haven't been able to return (I tried for an hour before going on my phone) but they've been decreasing my sleep meds a lot. I have had none of my other regular symptoms, for either mania or depression, in well over a month. However, this has been getting steadily worse over the last couple of months and is peaking now in the sense that they never really stop, the new meds are really helping me cope by making me not care instead of not notice them.
I have a diagnosis of bp 1 w/psychotic features so I don't really know if this or other active subreddits can give me tips on how to deal with the hallucinations without relying on people all around me to get me out of my head and constant meds to chill it out. I really don't want to intrude on a community I have no reason to, overstating my symptoms or undermining their struggles.
|
self.bipolar
|
Fuck this. I just woke up shaking and feeling like I couldn't breathe.
I got some food and just told myself you're having an attack, you'll be fine. I was.
It's still bullshit though. Wow, I can control my anxiety, sounds good right?
Well I got my anxiety from being bullied for a whole year which caused me to fail all my exams. 6 months later (today) I'm still having fucking anxiety attacks. I want my bullies dead. They should be made paraplegic. They've controlled the top half of my body (mind) so in return they should be unable to move their lower body. WHY THE FUCK AM I SUFFERING?! I'M THE FUCKING VICTIM HERE!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Predicting my diagnosis About a year before getting "officially" diagnosed with bipolar, I brought it up to my mom saying that I thought that I was. She did not agree (but that's a different story).
Just wondering if anyone here predicted their diagnosis?
|
self.bipolar
|
Is anything even fun anymore? I’m trying to get better by doing fun stuff, but I honestly can’t think of anything that sounds even remotely amusing. Does anyone have any ideas?
|
self.depression
|
Might be the saddest love story you'll ever read today. My depressed girlfriend flipped 180 on me, now i'm on the verge of falling into the abyss myself. This is going to be a long story, but I promise you it’s worth the read
I need advice on how to proceed from here, cause I truly believe I might have just found (and lost) my soul mate. We were each other’s, first love. She always felt insecure that she was not the first woman I fell in love with, but she's still the only woman i ever truly loved with all i had.
We met during summer of last year, and immediately we had talked about art and architecture, and for some reason, we instantly clicked. We had so many commonalities that at this point; I was a bit freaked out. Dating was in neither of our minds at this time, but there was a mutual attraction (she was 17(legal in my state), and I was 4 years older, so I didn’t think much about dating her). I find out a few months later that we were both attracted to one another, and as much as we wanted to not be together, the chemistry and compatibility just didn’t let it be this way.
When I found out that we were both INTP (MBTI types), I knew immediately that we’d be great friends; this is a good description: “INTP's are complex, private, need undisturbed thinking time, rely upon shared understanding more than overt communication, and yet love stimulating intellectual conversation. They love non-conformity and hate routine or social norms”. Being both INTP personality types, each other’s quirkiness didn’t come off as weird anymore for once, and it was for the first time that I felt that I could be completely myself and didn’t have to put up an act.
It helped a lot that we both had the same personality types, but with the amount of overlapping common interests also, it seemed almost too good to be true. She was an architect (student), artist, exceptional DIYer, photographer, and dance choreography enthusiast. I was an engineer (student), artist, martial artist, and break-dancer.
At this point however, I had stopped making art of any type for 3 years already (still not sure why) and I legitimately couldn’t pick up a pencil or brush to make anything—so I admired her very dearly not only because of her skills, but because she was the muse that I needed. There was a piece of myself that I felt was missing all these years (I had been an artist all my life up until college, but engineering logic took over), and it seemed that she was the trigger that brought it all back together.
We both had very different mentalities, however. She was pessimistic, had anxiety and minor depression, and I was the carefree guy who took things as they come, cause I thought it was inefficient to stress over problems if there’s a possible solution (engineering mindset).
She had a lot of insecurities also, like how I was going to leave or stop loving her. She’d always repeat this, and so I always believed that she committed more than I did. At home, she had parents that neglected her, and at school, she had no close friends that have lasted long enough. I stayed with her when she was at her lowest--when she had close friends abandon her and family neglect her, so I made a promise to be there for her always.
What intrigued me, was that she never gave me the benefit of the doubt when I did things that benefitted her and completely out of love, cause it seemed that she always had this thought at the back of her head that it’s easier to not see my effort so that when I left her, the pain would be easier to bear. So I tried harder to show her my love, by coming back from university on valentines, and every weekend to show her that she was worth my time. I even took a part time instead of full-time internship during last summer because I didn’t want her to be lonely, and I was scared that this might be the last summer we spent together (prophecy came true).
It took us 6 months into the relationship to say those magic words of “I love you” because we wanted to be sure that what we felt was love, and not lust, or infatuation. I’ll never forget this day though.
I gave a little speech, while we sat on our bed before I told her I loved her, and when it was her turn, she started crying. She said she was overwhelmed by her emotions, and we hugged it out after. This was the same day that she told me I was beautiful (ikr), and also the day I told myself I’d commit to this woman 100%. I always told her how beautiful she was, but i don't think she believed me most the time, cause she said i was just being biased.
I did a lot of things from here out of fear that I might lose her someday. I bought her a lot of random gifts. The only thing she was really mad about was overspending on our anniversary gift ($175) necklace. My reason was that I didn’t know if I ‘d another chance (prophecies fulfilling themselves) She had spent a year making my anniversary gift (so at this point I was pretty sure she was in this 100%). Sad part is, we never got to exchange the gifts, cause she said she was almost done, but tragedy struck within that time.
Our dates included cooking together, packing for picnics, fooling around at my house. Everyone who didn’t know of our relationship kept asking repeatedly if we were together. Everyone else, who knew, told us that we should get married. We never really spent money on materialistic things, cause we only really cared for each other’s company. It’s only been 1.5 years, but we felt like an old couple who dropped all formalities, and for some reason it’s felt like a freaken lifetime. Our love life was never lacking. We turned each other on as fast as humanly possible.
I’m pretty sure we shared the same love languages also.
Fast forward to end of October. She gets diagnosed with depression, gets put into a psych ward, and spends the entire November in the hospital staring at a wall every day. This probably drove her to the verge of craziness, even though she was allowed to play badminton during that time also. During this month, there was no physical contact of any sort, but instead, she called me for 10 minutes a day, twice a day; this was the highlight of my everyday life. We told each other that the cliché “I miss you and I love you” thing, twice a day a day, every day. Still the happiest guy alive at this point.
When she came back out of the psych ward, she seemed to have a very positive mentality, which lasted for another 4 days before schoolwork stressed her out and that went out the window.
It was here, that she requested space from me--almost a month of it-- and told me how her friends and family didn’t give her the connection that I gave her (still don’t understand what this means), and so I went on a rant about how she’s a different person and that she doesn’t seem to love me any more. At this point, I knew I fucked up, but she didn’t know how she feels about me anymore. She told me she doesn’t lust for me anymore (not a problem since we knew this might happen), but she was fangirling about how hot I was with my new haircut only a few days ago.
She knew she had feelings for me, and the day after this, she told me she still loved me, but said she needed time to sort those feelings out. She didn’t want me to drag me into depression with her, but I told her that only one could be depressed, so I have to stay strong. This made her tear up, but didn’t change much. This was the start of our break.
This is where the shit show starts. I request that I meet up with her mom so that we can sort things out (her mom hates me because I have Korean eyes and I’m not rich, both families are Asian). I send her a text in like the most formal and nicest way that I can, and for some reason, because of language barriers, she sends me a super aggressive one back about how I stole and badly influenced her daughter (she never lied to her parents about where she was before she met me, so I guess it was fair).
Around this time, my ex-girlfriend tells me I wasn’t aggressive enough in telling her friends to shut up about us getting married, but I was just trying to be as polite as possible. This was also the point, after I showed her the follow-up text message I sent her mom that she completely stopped talking to me. She saved our chats on snap chat though, for the first time ever. So for the next 2 weeks, I’d message her once a day to remind her of our memories (doesn’t seem like it worked). She doesn’t reply a single time, nor agreed to take my final letter to her so that I can have closure to this whole “break”.
Our parents meet up, but all her mom does is blackmail me to call the police, and makes sure that her daughter doesn’t contact me in any form. Mom is basically manipulative as shit about not hating me. She didn’t come to negotiate; she came to warn my family.
Around last week, she tells her friends that she feels “free”, which I’m guessing it’s because she’s stopped having to bother with figuring out what to do with me, and that she’s not the feeling the relationship no more. This was the same time her personality flipped 180. Her parents are nice and spoils her again like during childhood, and she’s found new friends (who are also depressed) to spam. She forgave her friend that she was mad at. I’m the only one left behind. I didn’t give her the space she needed, but this doesn’t make it right for not saying a word to me.
She cuts+dyes her hair, and somehow becomes friends again with that one friend who she hated for the past year. She’s basically like a completely different person. She deleted me on snapchat, deleted her instagram, but we’re still friends on facebook. It’s like she’s trying to wipe out everything that happened this past year.
Friends tell me to move on and just forget that it happened, but I sent her my anniversary letter along with a short goodbye thing, and packed all our memories (pictures, gifts) into a box and threw it in my basement. I never imagined that she would do this to me, cause it always seemed like she loved me more. I didn’t make her feel confident about her skills cause it seemed like I was always better, and so that added to her insecurity when she was around me.
The saddest part is that she dropped all of her passions that she once had, and decided to focus on architecture only. Somehow, I can do art again. It’s like I took kept a piece of her that she decided to leave behind her completely. She’s been an artist all her life. But what is an artist who doesn’t make art anymore? She was the happiest when she was around me, and everyone saw it. She’d brag about how great of a guy I was even when during her psych ward stay. How does all this happen so quickly?
The question is, how do I proceed from here? Will we ever get back together? Should I just move on and forget this happened? Is she still thinking about me? Is she having an identity crisis because of the depression? Was she at her best when she was with me?
|
self.depression
|
I used to always see a horizon I keep finding myself at the same point, this weird nexus where all the things I have tried to keep the momentum going in my life has petered out. I sit in my room in those moments and stare at the ceiling. The quiet is overwhelming. I no longer want to keep going. I have been trying and trying since the first time I felt this way at sixteen. Fourteen years, and three trips to the hospital, later here I am again. It's like going home, you know all the contours and hidden spaces. I don't feel comfortable here, but I know this place. It is a void. It sucks in all light. I have friends sure, I guess. If I haven't already burned, torpedoed, or otherwise fucked those friendships up. I have family, great family, even if they are slightly narcissistic and tell me the same three stories. Work is fine. I guess I'm luckier than most, I do what I want and somehow survive. I love someone, she doesn't love me, at least not the same way I would want but that's fine. She's my friend and I'll take it. I have a father I loath for various well-founded reasons that I won't go into here because that's for another day that I'm fairly certain the sun won't rise on. No, I can't escape the maw of sadness, of self-loathing, of emptiness that my life has become. The worst part is I know what most of you will say. Well intentioned bromides about changing things, about how this will pass. I have one set of scars and documents from three hospital trips. No offense to any of you, but shut the fuck up. I don't believe you. I know that this will pass and regular as fucking clockwork or an old piece of pop-culture being rebooted I'll find myself in this position again. I cannot do it anymore. It's like someone is asking me to run a marathon and power through when it gets hard. And when I finish I'm told I've got five minutes and I need to start again. I can't lay in bed at night anymore imagining various sharp implements doing self-inflicted damage to my body and seeing it all in vivid HD. I cannot keep feeling like this is all to life: An endless struggle with myself that the more you talk about it with people the less and less they care over time. I cannot keep finding myself this isolated. You know the worst part? I'm a teacher and all my students think of me as this wonderfully extroverted person. An ex-girlfriend's Dad was convinced that my dreams were like the Daft Punk Around the World video. This idea that I am a happy-go-lucky little imp whose mind is pastel colors and dinosaurs. That's what I can't stand. I try to disabuse people of this notion, but they don't believe it. I cannot stomach another day of reality and others heightened impression of me. So here I am, back where I find myself every two to three years. Tired, aggravated, alone, with a deep of sadness that no derrick will ever tap and take out of me. I guess I needed to say something, anything, even if it's into the void. One last time to assert that I am real before I say goodnight.
Thanks all, I'm sure you're wonderful folks who care a lot. Please send that energy to people you can help. Don't bother here, save it for people who can be saved.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My depression has ripped away my ability to function like a human being It's been 2 years since I was diagnosed with bipolar II. Thanks to medication I haven't had an episode of mania/hypomania in over a year, but the depression has slowly been getting worse. So here we are today.
I can literally do nothing without pumping myself full of caffeine and (prescribed, not illicit) Adderall. All within safe levels, but still a very unreliable and falible method. Yet, its the only thing I've found to help me get through this terrible depression.
Before taking that crap in the morning I'm an emotionless husk. I can barely get out of bed, and can do literally nothing other than take my meds and climb back into bed and stare at the ceiling until the Adderall kicks in. I'm semi functional for about another 6 hours until it wears off and I'm back to being my emotionless, bedridden self. In that state my brain not only strongly doesn't want to do anything, I end up hating the task/thing in question for even daring to require effort from me. I've tried forcing myself to do things in that state, but come back from it even more hateful and angry than before.
Basically, when I'm not on a good amount of Adderall (if it even works on that day), I just feel completely dead inside, hate everything, fear losing any of what little energy I have to any sort of task, and just can't do anything except lay in bed. The majority of my day is spent in this state; hating life, hating things I used to enjoy, and in the end hating myself for it.
As a note, the depression developed while I was already taking Adderall. It's not caused by a withdrawal from it or something.
My doctor thinks this is being worsened by my being hypothyroid due to a med I'm taking for the manic episodes (lithium). It can take weeks to see any improvement though.
I've tried:
Lexapro
Proxac
Cymbalta
Abilify
Seroquel
Lithium
None of which did anything for my depression. Or anxiety, for that matter. The Seroquel helped briefly before not, so in theory it will help again after my thyroid levels are back to normal.
Until then, my question is this: to anybody who's experienced similar symptoms - what did you do to help feel better, or at least get you through the worst of your depression? What worked? What didn't?
|
self.depression
|
"Friend" doesn't believe when I told him I was depressed [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Getting drunk is the only thing I have motivation for. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Tongue and bottom jaw keep twitching A few days ago, I started to have this strange sensation of my tongue being swollen/bigger than usual. Upon looking at it, I noticed it was twitching, and shortly after that, I noticed my bottom jaw would also occasionally twitch. Along with the twitches, I noticed that my speech sounded it bit off; It would sound like a lateral lisp where the "S" sound would come out as a "SH" and the "T" sound would sometimes sound like a "D" or a "TH".
After reasearching the symptoms, I freaked out and ran to the emergency room because I thought it was early signs of ALS or a Stroke, but after doing an MRI, the doctor said I had an average healthy 25 year old brain. A few days later, my sister told me that I may be suffering severe anxiety and that the symptoms I've experienced could be a result of that.
Do you think this is actually the cause of anxiety?
If so, do you think I'll ever get back to normal?
Thanks in advance for all responses!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know how much more I can take [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
So I'm a little manic maybe? [oC] 1. https://youtu.be/mw2S7kMd0So
2. https://youtu.be/iOc48j6XoCg
|
self.bipolar
|
I folded laundry for the first time in months today! [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Panic attacks/ depression/ agoraphobia.. help. 28/M. Been suffering from horrible depression/ anxiety for the last several years, mostly revolving around go far from home. Driving an hour to my parents house today was a nightmare. Does anyone have success stories here? Furthermore, does anyone have experience with medication? I have a fear of medication as it may make me lose control.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Love is MEANINGLESS Life is meaningless. The world is meaningless. Everything in it is meaningless. Health is meaningless. Death is meaningless. Knowledge is meaningless. Truth is meaningless. Suffering is meaningless. Love is meaningless. I don't give a shit about you or your love and nothing will ever be enough to make me see any differently.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My loneliness is crippling and I feel my life is a train wreck. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
DAE Get More Anxious During Certain Seasons? It's weird, and it's not like the anxiety goes away during the other 3 seasons but, I do tend to get more anxious during the fall. Especially during sunsets. I don't know what the reasoning is behind it, winter I'm fine with. But fall, I always have this anxiety sitting in my chest that won't go away, causing me to get anxious about everything else in my life.
Is anyone else like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My dog was put down today I'm writing this freestyle to just try and remember it. I should probably be writing this on google drive actually.
His name was Bear. He was 15.5 years old. He was a border collie/golden retriever/huskie/newfoundland mix. He was beautiful, sandy colored long, soft hair, with white hair on his paws and a white diamond shaped marking on his chest. An all around great dog. I'm scared of losing the memory I have of him today. It was honestly beautiful. We had a woman come to my parent's home to put him down. She was very nice. She gave him a sedative shot to relieve his pain and calm him down whilst my mother distracted him with his favorite treat. He had no idea. I was sitting on the couch, with my mother directly in front of me sitting against an ottoman on the floor. After a couple of minutes, he came and lied down next to her, on his favorite blanket. He looked like he was at peace already. It was at this point that I couldn't contain myself, and began openly crying. I was happy for him, and sad that this would be one of the last times I would see him. But I was able to touch him without having to worry if he would flinch away from me. I could actually pet him and his soft fur again, along his whole body which was riddled with arthritis. He did not mind. He was snoring, and perfectly nestled up with his head/neck against my mothers thigh and his body lied out along the floor. The woman gave us some time before she injected the second shot. We were recalling memories of him. When she injected the second shot, I went down to pet him again. I knew that these were his last moments. His eyes were closed, but after a few minutes they opened. I believe he was still faintly alive at this point, and I happened to be one of the last, if not the last thing he would ever see. It was a powerful moment. Although, to be honest, his eyes may not have been 'seeing' as we normally perceive it. He may have been 'seeing' the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that is what it was, but I'd also like for him to see me. I don't usually like that sort of stuff. The finality of things, especially with me being the focal point of his finality. It's an anxiety thing or something, like a 'don't look at me' sort of deal, especially as the last thing you'll ever see..Any ways, I love that dog. I want to remember the image of him being at peace, and that final moment when his eyes were open. It was truly beautiful. It couldn't have happened in a better way. I love my mom and dad so much for providing him with such good care his whole life. He really had a perfect life, filled with love and comfort. I respect my mother so much for seeing him out in such a great way. I broke down while it was happening. I cried, hard, in front of my mom, dad, and a stranger (the vet). I'm glad I did. Going into it, I wasn't sure I would. I never really did at funerals for my grandparents or any thing. I felt like I was weird in some way, like emotionless or something. Today proved that wrong, big time. It felt good, to fully let loose your emotions. My face was flushed with that almost euphoric feeling.
It felt good, actually great, to have closure. I wasn't provided with closure when it came to my two cats. I have a whole other story written on my drive about them. Long story short, the cats were given to someone whom we thought would take care of them, only to learn weeks later that they were missing, they were given to 'someone else' who we will never know of. That took me years, hell, still to this day it haunts me. Never know what happened to our cats. I fucking loved them but was blind to it at the time. I'll never not feel guilty about giving the cats to a total stranger. Albeit, a stranger that lied to us in every way possible. Fuck that really shook my belief in people.
Thanks for reading, and remember to love your pets!
|
self.offmychest
|
Again anxiety hangover I have anxiety but after i drink the levels of my anxiety go up by 100%.i was drunk on saturday and now I feel paranoid and im panicking, cant focus and i feel like im in a dream. My sense of touch isnt normal,i cant feel anything if i bite my cuticles etc.. in moments i feel like im losing my mind . It just feels like...im not there. Not normal. A puppet in my own body.
It has happened once before after drinking. Why does this happen to me? I had to stay off work because i im a delivery girl, and im not feeling capable and safe enough to go in front of a wheel.
I cant tell anyone what im going through,because my family and friends just wouldnt get it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Used to be depressed about 1 and 1/2 years ago up until about 3 months ago. My best advice I can give. [removed]
|
self.depression
|
"Insane asylum. Enter if you dare." My coworker in the cube across from me had this sign up as a Halloween decoration. It's crazy that people don't realize fucking rude that is.
|
self.bipolar
|
My partner left me due to my mental instability. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
11 year old me told myself I'll be dead before I turn 15 I'm 3 weeks away from my birthday and honestly I wish I was
|
self.depression
|
I don't know anymore I keep thinking about ending it. I'm always on edge and terrified and im just so sick of it.
I'm 19 years old and in my first year of college for a degree that I don't know what to do with if I get it.
I'm terrified of going to my shitty part time job where I do everything wrong.
I'm really lonely and I can't tell anyone in my life about how I feel.
I've never seen a doctor about my mental condition mainly because im too anxious and don't know where I would start to find a professional.
I feel like a fucking loser and a waste of a life. I can't deal with it anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can anyone share your experience of drug takings from doctor due to depression! Recently multiple failure take me to **suicidal feelings**. Being only child to my parents, I wanna live. So decided to visit Doctor. What you think about?
|
self.depression
|
Fundamentally unlovable I know its pathetic seeing shit like this. I know that my lack of a relationship shouldn't be dictating my sadness. But at this point I just feel as if I won't ever have that. I won't ever be looked at as desirable or lovable or beautiful. Not only am I a depressed, fat fuck I'm a depressed fat fuck with autism, anxiety, and a fuck ton if childhood emotional trauma. That doesn't exactly make me the most appealing person. Intellect and humor only get a person so far.
I see all my friends get engaged and married and starting families and im lying in bed by myself, a 21 year old virgin, and trying to tell myself that thats okay. That it doesn't mean anythings wrong with me, but it does. The fact that I've gone this long and no one even looks at my as beautiful or worthy of affection just...its hard to deal with. Im tired of crying about this. I'm tired of feeling like this all the time because I'm aware that its pathetic. But have this overwhelming desire to be loved and wanted, it just seems impossible at this point.
|
self.depression
|
I’m worthless and he would be better off if I was gone. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Shaken up Happened yesterday but I really need to say this somewhere.
So I'm (20F) pretty new to driving. Seven hours in total clocked up so far. I was taking a lesson with my older brother (22M) on back roads. In hindsight he wasn't the best pick as a teacher. It was pretty quiet, but then we accidentally found a main road out of the city.
I drove up to an intersection, their right of way, and was going to go through it - wasn't thinking/didn't realise. My brother yelled at me to stop so I slammed on the brakes.
The second we would have gone through a massive ass Pajero blasts through at probably over 100+kms.
I was seconds away from killing us both and mangling both cars.
Once it was through I managed to pull over and basically went into shock from what I can tell.
I'm not even sure the point of the post. Just every action matters.
It scared the shit out of me but somehow continued driving once I'd stopped freaking out.
Appreciate your lives. Tell people you love them because one day you might not be able to.
|
self.offmychest
|
A switch When I talk to people it’s like this automatic switch turns on that makes me put a smile on my face and act happy. And when they leave I’m back to my regular self. This is why people would never guess I have issues that I’m not okay. It gotten quite scary how often I do this. It’s now to the point where there’s not a single person that actually knows what I’m thinking. And what is troubling me the most is that I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if you leave me for someone else. I don’t care if you like me. I don’t care if you stop talking to me. I don’t care if you bump into me. I don’t care if you find me boring. I don’t care even care if you die. I feel like there’s a lightbulb connected to my switch that someone’s unscrewing. It’s flickering out and dimming. And I’m falling deeper into an abyss. I.Can’t.Bring.Myself.To.Care
|
self.depression
|
A Disappointment it seems like no matter how hard i try i'm nothing more than a disappointment.
a disappointment to my friends, who want to spend time with me, who want to help me, who i always end up pushing away.
a disappointment to my teachers, who know that i have the potential to succeed and do better, yet i don't.
a disappointment to my parents, who dreamed of having a perfect child, one who's kind, smart, and attractive all at once, yet they received nothing more than a worthless husk.
but worst of all, i'm a disappointment to myself. no matter how well i do, no matter how much i improve, i'll never be good enough to look in the mirror and feel pride in what i am. my tiniest mistakes will always overshadow my biggest successes, and haunt me through the days, and more so through the nights, giving me nightmares rather than sweet dreams.
what more am i than a pitiful afterthought of what could have been?
what more am i than a disappointment?
|
self.depression
|
There is no help coming. You can choose to live or you can choose to die, but *this is it*. We're already experiencing the entirety of what life has to offer.
Expecting things to ever be different is just false hope.
|
self.depression
|
Seeing comments like this make me feel so much worse Almost to the point of wanting to end it. I was on AskReddit when someone asked what the 2017 equivalent of an emo was. Someone said "Kids who self-diagnose themselves with depression and cut themselves." (Because it's incredibly easy to tell when someone is lying about being depressed.) And it got 700+ upvotes. You know what this tells me? That people who are in pain and struggling and need help are still being ridiculed and dismissed as whiny and pathetic, especially if they're young. I'd better go get help so I can shut up and not bother anyone anymore. I don't want to live in a world where people who are in pain are constantly made fun of and called weak. Constantly be told to just just be happy and not have such weak emotions. And if they kill themselves? Dismiss them as failures and brush them under the rug with a few jokes.
I'm so sick of it. I don't want to live in this callous world anymore.
|
self.depression
|
I need to know that Im not crazy I need to know that I am somewhat a good person. I need to know I’m not to blame for everything. Is it all my fault? The voice tells me it is, my parents tell me it is. I’m trying so hard to not feel like this.
But I need to know that I’m not crazy. I know I’m sick and I need help, just please tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way.
|
self.depression
|
I have no reason to feel this way and it hurts Everything is going great but why can't I feel happy?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Chronic pain is a rude thing. I have fibromyaliga which causes pain throughout my entire body all the time. I have had it for 7 years. I have been depressed for 10. My eyes are in pain because of some new thing the doctors can't figure out. Nothing helps. All I do is suffer. Don't want to be alive. I literally don't have any reasons. I am never gonna be able go finish school. I'm a fucking worthless trans-woman. I have gone to many therapists and doctors. Nothing has helped. What the hell am I supposed to do? Every single day I have to resist killing myself. I can't handle it when people say just push yourself. That's how you get better. I'm trying I really am. I can't move forward because sometimes I'm so bad I can't fucking move my body. Im a worthless thing. I don't know why I post here because your time is better spent wit the folks who are able to be helped. Not me who is too far gone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How to get suicidal thoughts to go away? Suicidal thoughts are like a monster that follows me around everyday. They bleed into everything I do. I’ve cried myself to sleep every single night for the past 2 months.
I don’t want to die. I just want to be happy. But whenever I am suicidal thoughts keep creeping in. I have a suicide note and rope under my bed.
I’m only 15, I know I have so much life left to experience but feeling suicidal ALL THE TIME seems so be ruining my life. How can I get the thoughts to go away and be happy again?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't open up and make others uncomfortable I constantly overhear people talking about me at work now and they avoid me because I'm too depressed to be a normal person I can't make conversation and can't function. I'm 20 and work retail and most of my coworkers are my age or younger. I've worked there for a couple years but the last month has been really bad.
I've wanted to die since I was 14/15 and most of it is from mental illness that stems from childhood sexual abuse that happened when I was 5 but I never got treatment because it was initiated by another kid.
I'm terrified of literally everything because the tiniest things make me feel vulnerable I've tried to make appointments to get help but each time I go I physically can't make myself open up. I've tried for years to change but nothing does. I only have one friend and she's starting a family now and even though I've known her for 12 years I can't even talk to her. I feel distant from everyone. Sure I've stopped self harming for the most part but now I drink a lot so it feels like I'm just trading one bad coping mechanism for another.
I don't know why I'm writing this all out, I'm exhausted and just want to go walk to the overpass and jump or swallow everything in the medicine cabinet.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Every time I get prescribed with new antidepressants I always check to see if I can use them to end my life. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Hey. Im ghosted Just spent 2 days in a physch ward. First time.
|
self.Anxiety
|
13 years old with anxiety anyone know some tips to help relieve it? I’m currently 13 years old and everyday it’s a struggle for me to go to school and do normal things I would enjoy doing 3+ years ago. I feel as if I always try to impress people and I worry so much about not making myself look Like a fool in front of others, I hate it, it’s not who I am and I feel fake and sometimes I just do stuff like everyone else to fit in. I stress too much that I struggle to even do homework. Just the thought of something not being completed makes me wanna cry and I feel horrible inside. My grades have been suffering a lot lately and my parents aren’t helping either. (My parents are fighting a lot and it really also stresses me out) I have even started to dislike doing the things that gave me so much joy because of my anxiety. I used to play competitive soccer for years until this year. I have done fine for so long but I hate it now and don’t like going to practices games or anything related to playing it. I try avoiding situations where there’s big crowds and stuff. I’ve always been a very athletic person all my life and I’m not really doing anything after school besides sitting in my room on my phone. My parents have tried pressuring me to start a new hobby or sport but I don’t wanna get near any of that. I get so scared in public and shit and I hate it, I can’t ask for help in school and I sit there having to go through the lesson not understanding a thing, going to restaurants and asking the waiter for a water is a struggle. When I did soccer last year it was the worst, every time I would go to a practice or a game that day it would stick in my mind for so long and it ruined everything. The build up before the actual event that is stressing me out is horrible, and sometimes the shitty part about it is that when I get there it doesn’t seem so bad as I made it out to be and I rarely sometimes enjoy my time there. It’s so hard to talk with this to my parents I don’t know why, and it’s just really embarrassing me. I try to hide it from everyone as much as I can. I start hyperventilating and tearing in random places and ppl ask me what’s wrong and o say nothing. I don’t feel as comfortable talking with my parents as I did 2-3 years ago and it sucks it feels so awkward betweeen us. I barely talk with this to no one so I just come on here or write in a journal about my feelings. Thanks for reading this and feel free to leave anything to help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
i feel nothing. i just tested out my method for the near future. didn't go all the way obviously. it seems very plausible as in how effective it'll be. a lot of the time i break down and cry and cry when i do things like this. but i don't know, i feel absolutely nothing. i'm not afraid of it. i'm ready for it. i feel almost tranquil. i have something that'll work now. i have control over whether i live or die now. i don't feel scared or regretful like i normally do. i think this is it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I studied all night for my calculus 2 exam and I think I got around a 72-76. Idk why I’m so angry at myself ehh that’s all.. It’s mostly cause at the last 20 seconds I saw that had to check what it “converges to” and I panicked and couldn’t answer quick enough
Could’ve gotten around 80’s but I’m down to around a 70
I know I shouldn’t beat myself up for it and I’m trying not to but I’m so frustratedddd
needed to let it out I’ve just been stressed overall lately ):
|
self.offmychest
|
I physically can't have a sex and this thing is exhausting my life. Don't take anything for granted [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Thanks for nothing You and I were best friends for 9 years. I stood by you while you fucked up every opportunity handed to you. I stood up for you when all of our friends said you were a manipulative, spineless, lazy asshole. I helped you out when you were in financial trouble. I fuckin fought for you. I believed in you. I had faith in you. I thought you were a great person surrounded in shitty circumstances. I thought you you would return the favor. I thought I could count on you.
When my girlfriend and I broke up, you had no idea what I was going through. Yeah, circumstances were fucked, but it doesn’t mean I deserved to be abandoned by EVERYONE. You scolded me like a child, stating you “couldn’t be friends” because of some “bro code”. You suck. Who I choose to be with should have had zero effect on our friendship. You chose to involve yourself in a situation that had nothing to do with you, you chose to take sides because it was convenient. You talked shit about me with my ex within months of us breaking up WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER MAN’S CHILD. 9 years of someone being a rock for you so you can spit in my face to gain acceptance from a group of people that I constantly defended your character against.
When I called you, I needed you. I was so scared of everything going on with me. All I wanted was to see you, to hear a familiar voice. I wanted you to tell me I’d be alright. All those times I listened to you, tried to help you, tried to get you back to reality. It was my turn,damn it. All you had to do was pick up the phone. I blatantly begged you. I told you it was an emergency. You texted me saying you were out of town with your new girl, and unless there was something wrong with my brother or dad that you didn’t want to hear from me.
You killed a part of me that day. I sat in my shitty little apartment and cried like I haven’t cried since I was a boy. I was alone man, you could have helped by just giving one iota of the friendship I showed you. I’ve had a lot of hurt in my life, but you rank second to only the mother that chose her baby wasn’t as important as her freedom from responsibilities. You are why I don’t make new friends, because you were the last person I had faith in.
It’s been 2 years since I made that call to you. I hope that by some strange turn of circumstances that you read this. I hope you realize that the knife you stuck in my back was the same one I kept from plunging into yours. I hope you realize that you abandoned your brother.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anxiety 101 The positive side of anxiety, how to manage your anxiety, resources, tips and tricks
|
self.Anxiety
|
Never used Reddit I don't know what I need. I don't even know what this place is really for.
It was made clear to me tonight that my poor state of being is affecting a friend. I feel like the people around me can't handle how I am. I feel like there's only one way to escape that.
I've had everything I need for months. Suicidal feelings have been in the background for a while, settled down perhaps. They aren't tonight. They're back. They're right at the front. And I'm tired of fighting.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It just feels like no matter how hard i try i just can’t accomplish anything [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
THIS IS IT GUYS IM DRUNK, IDC ANYMORE, LAST CHANCE TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE AND IF THINGS DONT GO DOWN TONIGHT IM GIVING UP, WISH ME LUCK. IT ALL GOES DOWN TONIGHT LETS GO ME
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What is your best tip for getting out of a deep crash? So for several weeks, I have been experiencing this great mood. I have been motivated, focused on many interests (I read soooo many books), I was doing Yoga every morning, and going out on my daily walks outside. I had zest for life. I was knocking out so many things I had been pushing off. I finally had the courage to apply for a job (I haven't worked in 7 years). I had this end goal of starting my own business. It was a whole thing. So much research and a sense of "My life is different from here on out". I am sure you guys know that feeling well.
Yesterday, I felt myself slipping, and this morning, I woke up to one of the worst crashes I have experienced in a long time.
It took everything I had to finally get out of bed. I have zero interests. Not even in browsing reddit. I feel so dull and lifeless. I just feel so pointless and like I weigh 2 tons. My desire for anything in life is gone. I just want to slip away.
How do I crawl out of this? Everything takes so much effort. How do I come back to a place where I am not fully dead. I don't need to be in a good mood. Just not on the verge of crying all day. :(
Any tips? Thank you, guys.
|
self.bipolar
|
We're not guaranteed a happy life or a happy ending. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Nothing wrong with quitting if you're dealt a terrible hand. If you're born with the right cards, you'll live a decent life; whether it's a safe environment, a supportive family, good friends, a romantic partner, money, or the means to gain any of those. And before you tell me about someone who had none of those who made a happy life for himself, consider the last thing on that list. Think of people born into starvation, into warzones, into slavery, disease or terminal illness, who never had that chance.
I don't have a terminal illness and I live in a good environment. But there are many other things that take away any chance I have at living a decent life. They may be invisible to most other people but they are very real.
But none of that matters to the lucky ones. People who are blessed with all the necessary tools to live a happy life believe that anyone can have them. They have to believe in a fair and equal world. That's why we're told not to kill ourselves. So we don't upset the lucky ones. So when it comes to suicide, who really is the selfish party?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone on zoloft (sertraline) 50mg and has sore breasts. I’ve been on it for two weeks and my breasts hurt a lot.
|
self.depression
|
Big Life Problem! I don't know if this is the right subreddit for asking these types of questions, but I need help. I'm going to be 100% honest with you guys, say anything you want I honestly need help! I have serious school problems. Sorry for my bad english it's not my native language. I'm a freshman in High School. My grades are awful and I really mean AWFUL. This is because every time I come back from school, I say to my parents I'm going to study in my room, but when I go upstairs to my room, I turn on the computer and use it until it's dinner time. When I come downstairs my parents ask me what was I studying and I just say what comes to my mind. If I don't use the computer I'm on the phone using social media, also I masturbate 2 times daily. At school when the teacher is saying to us what we should write in our notebooks I'm just pretending I'm writing when in reality I'm drawing something. When the test day comes I am always cheating by asking my friend the questions, and I almost always get the worst grades possible. I've read on every site that masturbation reduces concentration and phones and computers do the same thing, but I can't quit I'm addicted. I don't want to study because I hate what we need to know, because I understand I will not use most of the things that I learned in school for the rest of my life. First semester is now over and I'm on the winter break, if I do this badly in my second semester I'm going to fail the year and I will have to take it all over again while my best friends go to the next year. If you've come this far I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking a minute of your time to read this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I haven’t been happy in a really long time It’s too late now
Nothing is working
It has become unbearable
This is the end
This is my end
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Need some help with my brother. Guys this is about my younger brother. He is currently 14 in high school. I'm 20, enrolled in community college and set to leave for boot camp for the Marine Corps in march. Problem is, my younger brother is tearing my family apart. He is always angry all the time, he never smiles and rarely laughs. He doesn't have any friends in high school or does he text/snapchat anyone. He comes home and plays minecraft all day and does not associate with the family at all. When we ask him questions, he won't answer or he will just mum something and not even look us in the eye. He gets very very angry easily. My younger sister who is 15 takes most of the heat from him. When she sits down at the table to eat, even one smacking of food pisses him off and now he days in a separate room. He constantly argues with my parents, never talks to my dad or hangs with my dad, and barely talks to my mom anymore.
Coming up in a military household (both parents were marines) we only expect the upmost discipline. He does clean up after him self and listen to directions, but he gets angry whenever he has to do it and will legit start to have a tantrum and meltdown if my parents take his phone away or take away the computer. My parents have been taking him to counseling but that bullshit doesn't seem to be helping. I try to talk to him and try be a big brother to him but he doesn't want to associate with me. He even told me that he doesn't even care when i leave for boot camp. Honestly this hurt me. 10 years ago every thing seemed to be perfect. Me and him were playing outside together and playing action figures in his room. Now we barely associate and it's to the point where my mom is done with him. My dad is honestly trying to help him, but he is getting up there in age and doesn't have the energy to expend trying to help. When my dad does get mad his former drill instructor comes out and they start getting into a yelling match. I just honestly need some help guys.
My parents are arguing about him 2 times a week and it's almost causing a rift between them. I'm really worried as what's going to happen when i leave in 4 months. I tried everything to help him but he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He said he is perfectly fine of being alone in his room and not dealing with people. He also doesn't like to be in the spotlight. He hates crowds and doesn't go to his HS football games. I just need advice on how we as a family can help him. I hang out with my dad doing errands and fishing and golfing every weekend trying to get that last bonding in before i leave. My brother however does not and hates going out and doesn't have fun in the stuff me and my dad do. Tbh he only has fun playing minecraft.i tend to believe some of this is caused by jealousy. He and my sister were super close growing up but she is in marching band now and has tons of friends that she hangs out with while he does not and i think he feels jealous towards her.I feel like once i leave this family might honesty break apart because my sister has her moments as well but my brother is worse. Any help would be appreciated and sorry for the long post.
|
self.depression
|
Its been more than a month I literally didnt go outside, ive talk to no one else but my parents, have been binge surfing the reddit. Thats all i do, i can't play video games and watch shows because every time i finish i feel hatred towards myself. I'm slowly losing it.
|
self.depression
|
To a female co-worker in a male-dominated field If you need to get laid, please do it outside of work and preferably not with multiple co-workers. You are making it exponentially harder for the rest of us who are already struggling to be taken seriously. It's already hard enough trying to get men to believe that we're not just there to find husbands. Thanks!
|
self.offmychest
|
Life is just too overwhelming My girlfriend broke up with me a couple months ago. I can't get over her. It's not getting any easier. She seemed to leave things open so the hope they work out is the one thing giving me any hope in this world. But if she says no I'm just going to be so crushed.
My job isn't horrible, but my boss is so passive aggressive whenever I make a mistake and I hate having to socialize with people I don't like.
Whenever I try to make plans with friends - since they keep telling me I need to just live life - they're all too busy with work/life.
The health insurance in this country is so frustrating. I can't even get a prescription refilled b/c of insurance red tape.
I can't sleep much anymore. It was the one thing I looked forward to every day because I could dream of something better and get away from everything. Now I can barely even do that.
|
self.depression
|
What's the craziest thing you've accomplished/done while you've been in a manic episode? Mine's not too crazy, but I stayed up and did dishes for 7 hours straight, (filthy roommates).
Also felt invincible while long boarding, ate shit and got scraped up pretty good. Boarded home the 2 miles. Didn't realize I had a sprain until the next day.
|
self.bipolar
|
For me, what's difficult about anxiety isn't how to cope with it, but to accept that it's going to be a part of you forever. And that's really exhausting. I had an anxiety episode today, I did all the coping methods that I'm already so used to doing, that's the easy part for me at this point. The annoying part was when I felt the symptoms coming, I was like "ughhh, this again". After it subsided, I thought to myself "this is gonna be what I will go through for the rest of my life". I felt that my heart is physically weak, I'm exhausted and fed up with having to deal with this. It's like I know at this point, when I am in certain situations, I can almost predict it happening, and then I will cope until it subsides, feel weak afterwards; rinse and repeat.
|
self.Anxiety
|
i don't have motivation anymore i've been bedridden for 2 whole days now because of my depression. i have yet to eat or drink anything and i've only gotten up to shower/use the bathroom. i'm so hopeless and lonely that this is the lowest i've ever been. i've been having trouble finding a stable job but it's so hard when i won't be going to school and getting a degree so i feel like i'm doomed to live a life of minimum wage retail or sex work because that's the only thing i'm good at apparently.
on top of that, i'm having the worst time trying to find someone to date. i'm tired of all the meaningless sex or coupley gestures with nothing coming from it. all i feel now is nothing but hopelessness and it's quite literally killing me
|
self.offmychest
|
Can't get over a relationship due to overthinking Hi, so I dated this guy for like 7 months and we just took separate ways, but I wasn't ready since I was expecting it to be something long term...
I'm now thinking all the things that I've should've done differently and all the things that he said. I also think I wasn't enough, and that he never got to really know me because I never expressed myself correctly or sometimes I was too needy (due to my anxiety).
I think he only got to know the anxious side of me but I'm more than that :(
|
self.Anxiety
|
The Devil Interesting what the devil can do to someone. I'm struggling. No one cares. I've reached out for help and it's like I'm just a burden. No one will listen, they just pass me to someone else, like I'm just nothing. The devil is winning and I'm about to just hand him the gun. I need help. In my head I know it's wrong to feel this way. People say it's YOU that needs to change, YOU need to make that decision. I'm trying but when you are crippled with depression you feel like you will never win. When is the angels come and save me from this dark place. This place is so dark and there is no light, except outside my window which is where all my problems began. I'm not good enough, for anything. Daily I force myself to smile when in reality it's impossible. There is nothing to smile for. I've lost my boyfriend, I've lost my mother, I'm stuck in a dead end job going nowhere. The holidays are coming and all I want is to end it all so I'm not called "mean" or "sad" because I hate the holidays. I just cried for 15 minutes and found this sub reddit. I don't have a question for anyone I just thought I would spill my thoughts out here for anyone who gives a shit.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i want to die right now more than i have at any other time in my life. i really fucking needed something to go right right now. i graduated college last june with an actuarial degree, and i've been struggling to find a job in my chosen field. i spent september, october, and november doing a series of interviews for an ideal job that i thought i would get for sure, and i found out last week that i didn't get it.
in the meantime i've been working retail. not because i need the money, but because it looks good on a resume to be working. i fucking hate this job. i'm a stockperson. i carry heavy shit and run up and down stairs all day. it makes my body feel so shitty that i can't sleep.
despite all that, i was actually pretty happy this past week. all because a girl i had been seeing back in august randomly showed back up in my life. she was the first and only person i ever kissed. i like her a lot. she ghosted on me before we had any kind of formal relationship. it fucking sucked and i thought about her every day since.
a week ago, she showed up to a weekly comedy show that i do. she knew i'd be there, so i figured she wanted to see me. i texted her the day after, and we wound up getting coffee that sunday. it went really well. it felt like she was remembering what made her like me in the first place, and she texted me a lot afterwards.
we went to an open mic together last night, and that went really well too. i had a good comedy set. she gave an amazing musical performance. i invited her over afterwards, and she said she couldn't had work the next morning, but that she would be at my show tonight.
she came, i had a great show, we talked afterward. once again, asked if she wanted to hang out afterward. she hesitated for a few minutes. i pretended to pay attention to some other conversation while she thought about it. then she said no.
so she definitely does not like me in the way i like her anymore. and that's the story of my fucking life. and that fucking sucks. today i cared about so many things. i wanted to see my friends. i wanted to write new jokes. i wanted to write for a website my friend is launching. i wanted to listen to an album that my favorite rap group is releasing tomorrow. i wanted to watch neo yokio on netflix. i wanted to listen and laugh at comedy podcasts.
and now i just don't fucking care. nothing is good or interesting or exciting. everything fucking sucks. i fucking suck.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I get anxiety spikes multiple times per day I have a very stressful job and something will happen and I’ll assume the worst.
In my example: Dad tells me he is sick —> assumes he has cancer
This is totally unrealistic but in the moment it feels real. I get these multiple times daily and it causes some stomach pain / butterflies.
Are these panic attacks? Any advice? Thanks
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do you get over/past being a man and asking for help? I am literally that male stereotype: the one that needs help but doesn't know how to actually ask for it.
40 + years of being a dumb stubborn polack and surviving and powering through things has finally taken its toll. I can't ride my motorcycle to ride away the pain. My fiance ghosted me. Family just tells me to power through it. Friends are busy with their lives and I don't want to burden them. I don't want to leave the house anymore.
I know I need to make a change and seek help. I'm so sick of spending half my thoughts pushing suicide out of my brain. Despite knowing a pysch nurse as a friend, I just don't know how to ask for help. I'd ask her but as a single mom with 3 kids, I don't want to be a burden.
I know this can't be a common thing. Hoping to hear suggestion/stories how to get over the male ego bullshit.
|
self.depression
|
I want to be a kid again :( I just don't want to be me right now, I want to go back to my childhood, life is really hard and I can't wait for things to get better. I want my mom to tell me everything is going to be okay and hug me until I fall asleep. But that's not happening :(
|
self.Anxiety
|
Existential Hi all,
I am not sure if this is exactly existential crisis but lately I have been feeling like everything is pretty pointless. I am college right now and when I do work, it's just to get it done and after I am done with an exam/assignment/stressful week, I just feel like life and all of it is pretty pointless. I recently broke up with a long term girlfriend so I think that has made this feeling worse. I feel like there is not much to life overall. Like I can't think of why I am studying, working so hard, learning all these things if at the end of life, it is all pointless? I think the breakup has been affecting me a lot and changing my thoughts towards life. It sounds weird but it almost feels like i lost out on the love of my life (logically i know this isn't true) and there is no point in anything that I do. oddly I am probably scared of never finding someone again.
Thanks for letting me vent but I'd love some feedbacks!
|
self.offmychest
|
I nearly killed myself last night I was content with my choice. I grabbed a knife and drove to a quiet dark parking lot. I wanted to use a gun, but that plan changed as I couldn’t get to one. I was going to write my goodbyes, and started with my friend, who was the only one who knew how I felt that day. She was trying to convince me I wasn’t alone. I then muted her from my texts.
As suddenly as I started on the next person, my boyfriend texted me, and tried to call. Immediately, when I didn’t answer, he was sending text after text, calling me nonstop, sending me voice messages. This is out of character for him. Normally he would have assumed I was busy after the first call and left me be. Also, he wasn’t acting worried enough to tell me he knew the specifics, but as if he knew how sad I had been that day, and just decided he HAD to talk to me. I told him I would just ruin his Christmas Eve. He told me “everything will be okay, as long as I have you.”
That stuck with me
I finally answered an hour later at the 7th call. I cried for a long time. He joked with me for 2 hours while I just cried. Not even able to answer with more than a tiny chuckle between sobs. I asked if he knew and he was very confused. It took another hour for me to tell him what I had planned to do.
He didn’t get angry, he just listened, and sympathized with me. He hummed our favorite song.
Today I’m not going to kill myself.
I’m not magically cured. I’m still deeply depressed. I still was sexually assaulted as a child by two grown men. I still have issues with trusting physical affection. I’m still abused at home. I’m still broke, and at a job that I hate. Nothing has changed, except I know that I’m not going to do it today. For now, I’m still here.
As long as I have a single person here, I might just make it
I realized that had I not answered the phone, I might not be here. I think that’s something all of us need to do when we feel so backed up into a hole it’s our only option. Even if we just give ourselves a day to reflect, would we still do it?
Later once I got home, my other best friend was there with her boyfriend. She proceeded to tell me she was getting married, she had been waiting there to tell me, unable to reach me, and asked me to be the maid of honor. All I could think about was how I should be dead out in a cold car alone somewhere where I probably wouldn’t be found until the next day. What that would have done to her, I don’t even want to imagine.
I felt this was important to share.
Small edit:
I didn’t try to kill my self for attention, or because I needed attention. That comment hurt. I felt very hurt, and very alone. I wanted to go out quietly, alone. A connection to someone did save me, but isn’t that what helps most of us. Please do not attempt to hurt me. I only shared to help.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
tips for breaking the cycle When I get bad I get caught in a downward spiral. I know how I feel is wrong and stupid but I can't get out of it. Any tips to break the cycle?
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety about job change I'm in a very toxic job, currently working at a school with kids and teachers who treat me like crap, I wanted to get into a creative field in what I have my degree in, but I applied for another school in a similar position that's close to my home and pays more BEFORE I came to the realization that I don't like working with kids and teachers and I should "follow my dreams," but the other school has now offered me a position but for some reason I feel hesitant because I worry that one of the creative jobs I applied to will contact me after I start the new job. But I also don't want to get greedy and end up stuck in my current job or with NO job at all.
BUT, this is also the only job offer I have gotten since I started my job search in September. Not sure if I should risk getting stuck in my current, miserable job for an indefinite amount of time, and wait for a creative job...or end up taking the new job, only to have a creative job offer AFTER I sign on with the new school.
There's no question I want out of my current job, BUT, the hard thing is this coming week will be the last week before winter break-I work during winter break but no one else is around, really, so I kind of need to put in my resignation this week because I'd like to announce it to everyone so I can properly say goodbye to everyone at my current job that I DO like.
I'm also scared that this new school could be worse than my current...but then again my current is pretty bad. If nothing else, my commute goes to 5 minutes against traffic vs. my current 30 minute, often traffic filled current commute. The new school is also offering more money than my current job.
Ugh, I am an over-thinker and a worrier, so this is hard for me. I know I want out of my current job but I just don't know if this job offer should be the one to get me out of it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
It's not that I mind hard work. I mind useless work. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.