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I feel hollow, I want to be something in life.
Sorry in advance I'm crying as I'm typing this, my emotions are all over the place
I'm 16, I've always wanted to be a software engineer. I'm in gr11 and I've done nothing to be a better student. I've always been interested in computers and my entire family thinks I'm some great genius when it comes to computers. Truth be told I'm struggling to keep a 50 average in all my important courses like physics and functions.
I want to be something in life, I want to be able to be on my deathbed and be glad the way I lived. Everyday is a harder struggle to continue, even though I'd probably never have the strength to actually end it but I dream everyday that something might happen to me, maybe a car slips on the icy roads and hits me. I want to be better but every time I try I fail. I'm tired of failing. I'm so tired
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anger. New symptom, where is this coming from? About 2 months ago, my moods seem to have changed. Much more mania I think, I catch myself talking very fast and having trouble sleeping. I have always been more depressed than manic, but lately I'm very frenzied, and so angry! I have the shortest of fuses suddenly and cannot control my zero to 60 temper.
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self.bipolar
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Currently being ignored & it's triggering my PTSD/Anxiety Disorder. Advice on how to cope? My husband is mad at me and is essentially stonewalling me right now. It's been this way all day.
It. Is. Absolute. Torture.
I am on the brink of a panic attack.
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self.Anxiety
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Just need support. Just got prescribed lexapro and I'm about to start taking it. Could use encouragement.
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self.Anxiety
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I just deleted all my social media accounts and apps. Feels like a heavy weight has been lifted. I should have done this sooner.
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self.depression
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Asshole Dad Makes Me Want To Hang Myself Asshole Dad is back at it again. Out of nowhere, my Dad checks the garage has a meltdown out of how "dirty," it is and screams my sister. Mom defends my hardworking sister, but (as usual) eventually yields under Dad's temper. Dad then complains to sister that "that her mistakes are causing my mother's lectures against him." Then he pretends to play the wise victim card, and advises my sister "that being organized will magically solve life's problems." My doormat mother teams up with my dad to bitch at my sister.
Here's where I come in. Soon enough, it will be my turn to be torn down like trash and I don't want anything to do with this shit. I can't stand this narcissistic asshole. Seriously planning on hanging myself as I type this. My Dad is an insufferable piece of shit that loves stroking his giant ego at the expense of others. He is an insensitive prick and my mother is his eager doormat. Please, anyone, I don't want to listen to his toxic crap, someone please talk to me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can’t chat with people online I’ve had this problem since I can remember, even if other people text me first I can’t talk to them aside from exchanging pleasantries and you should note that I can talk to people irl normally (kind of) does anyone else have the same problem or is it just me
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self.Anxiety
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Struggling with depression and in need of support Currently crying my heart out. Can’t take it. I just want someone to help me please. Just pm me
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self.depression
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My first job interview I'm going to my first job interview for a job that's basically perfect for me. I have all the qualifications and a high chance of getting hired. I'm just afraid my crippling self-doubt and anxiety will ruin this for me. How do I control myself and not screw this up? How do you guys get through job interviews? Are there any tricks you use? I'm just so nervous and could use any advice on how to tame my depression and anxiety to get through this.
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self.depression
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Anciety caused by physical reasons? Hello everyone!
Just thought I would share my peculiar story so far and see what you guys think.
For me it started in november 2017 when at around 9ish I was under the influence of some THC and had a panic attack (sweating, heart palpitations and imminent death scare). I thought it was because of the weed and so I stopped smoking it. However I started to have an episode every 3-4 days, but only at night, specifically between 9-12, somewhere in that interval.
I have a very stressful job and also have been living alone for the past year (have friends and family and im very social).
So I decided to go to my fanily doctor to see what was up. She said it was probably because I'm tired and should take a vacation. So I dis, I went to Rome and visited for a week and was fine. Came back and a few days later I had one again and having them the same way, every few days only at night.
Christmas and New year came and went without any symptoms and I also quit smoking and drinking, just to start living safe cause I started to have anxiety in regards to the panic attacks.
During the first week of 2018 I started to be sad at night, don't think it was depression, but it was some sort of sadness, but no anxiety.
After that passed I had during the last two weekends both saturday and sunday a depression (with no possibility of escaping my symptoms, uncontrollable sadness and very negative thoughts).
Also in the last week my sleep is affected because I sleep for 4h then wake up and go back to sleep after 1h of staying awake and im very tired in the morning.
Also I have been to a psychiatrist and she said (without any tests) that I should be taking anxiety drugs and antidepressants and prescribed me some.
I'm too scared to start the drugs because she said the treatment is minimum of 6 months.
Thing is that I don't have any psychological trauma and grest job and friends and family and I've never been sad so all of this makes no sense to me.
The thing that got me thinking was that last evening I took a mineral and vitamin supplement by chance and in about 2h all my sympyoms vanished, no anxiety and no sadness, no nothing, but still didnt sleep well and today the supplement didnt work the same.
Roght now im thinking i could have zinc or vitamin D defficiency or copper excess in my blood and got some tests this morning.
What do you guys/girls think? Could it be caused by something physical and not psychological and is it something permanent?
Sorry for my english! :)
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self.Anxiety
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anxiety causing me to miss school so it’s only november and i have missed 11 days of school due to anxiety and i was wondering if anyone was in the same boat? i have no idea where the anxiety is coming from, maybe ap classes? maybe the fact that i am undecided on what i will major in when i start college next year? maybe it’s because i have a job now? my anxiety has started to effect my sleep again? is my mom doing the right thing by letting me stay home? what should i tell the staff at my school about my anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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I Fucked up the Prom Well, I fucked up the prom.....
Every one of us got cakes with their name on them and i got drunk and spilled wine on one girls cake. She and her boyfriend got very pissed. I feel horrible now. I aplogized to them but that wont fix anything....
Im dreading to go to school on monday.
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self.offmychest
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Dear Dominos I get it's NYE, but why has my quality check been stuck there for 35+ minutes? Send help
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self.depression
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Sometimes I want to do things, but then I don’t I’m sad. Hey, at least I’m feeling an emotion! That’s a step in the right direction, I guess.
I’m 21 and have never been in a relationship. I’m scared to be vulnerable, have commitment and trust issues, afraid of intimacy...I think you guys get the picture.
I just want to have a life, ya know? I wanna feel things. Do things. Learn things. Grow as a person things.
I’m wasting the short time I have here, but don’t care enough to do anything about it? Taking everything for granted despite my lingering urges to carpe the mother fucking diem. Sucks, really. Fuckin shit. 😓 I’m sad.
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self.depression
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I feel just so.... done everything just seems so... hard. life is so unbearable, i slit my wrists everyday, and i don't even feel like i want to stop. i'm so miserable 25/8, i cant stop feeling like shit, and my hallucinations are getting so much worse
life is just getting worse and worse, day by day, and some people don't even understand; they don't understand how badly i want to die, but that i can't because people care about me
i just want to end everything, i don't even care anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
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Mania by Fall Out Boy is from the perspective of someone with bipolar I know it probably seems extremely obvious given the title of the album but I haven't seen many people talking about it. I know that some people may not be into the band, but stay with me here; I promise this is pretty interesting.
Most of the songs and a lot of the lyrics reference mental illness. And I sincerely don't think it's them using mental illness to be "edgy"; Pete Wentz himself is bipolar.
In this context, a lot of the lyrics and songs I can't help but interpret through the lens of mania.
Young and Menace is basically a manic *anthem*. Its lyrics talk about going "too fast", losing one's mind, madness, going off the deep end, and even a psych assessment. The sound is also very...well, manic, with its chopped up sample for the chorus, intense and fast pace, and general feeling of confusing and bizarre elation. I even saw someone in this sub saying it triggered a manic episode in them!
Champion, on its own, seems like a song about being a badass warrior. But in this context, it reads to me as a delusion of grandeur. "I'm back with the madness", anyone? "If I can live through this, I can do anything", repeated so many times throughout the song, sounds like the determined declaration of someone who has gone through hell (maybe depression?) and is bursting out the other side genuinely believing that they can do anything, including the impossible.
The Last of the Real Ones also references mental illness with its mentions of therapy and a head like a stripped screw - 'screwy', perhaps? Its theme of "we're the only two 'real' people left here" strongly reminds me of Holden Caulfield and his belief that everyone is a fake "phony" except for him; he is real and genuine and rare among a world of pretenders. Holden is depressed, and this is a delusion about the world in both cases.
Sunshine Riptide uses water, as some of the other songs (like The Last of the Real Ones) do, and the pull of the ocean to represent the loss of control that comes from mania. Pete Wentz describes the riptide as "a transformational monster". He also says, "An overdose of dopamine - we are living inside of M A N I A right now. The never sleeping, never blinking - caught forever in the sunshine riptide." The blissed out sound and the title and chorus really capture the feeling - you've lost all control, and you're ecstatic about it.
There's definitely other songs and lyrics that can be interpreted from this perspective, I think, but these are the ones that stood out the most to me.
Basically, the album is about bipolar and manic episodes, and is very interesting, I think, to think about in that way. Regardless of whether or not you like Fall Out Boy, I think it's worth giving a listen to.
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self.bipolar
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withdrawn / adjusting to living alone / valentine's day is miserable I'm not even the kind of person who's really into valentine's day but I feel especially lonely this week. it's just the cherry on top that it's the week of a very flamboyant romantic holiday.
My roommate moved out weeks ago and I've been living alone for the first time ever. I stay busy and have a demanding job and I am committed to a work out routine (which has really helped, honestly) but with the abbreviated daylight, colder temperatures, lack of social interaction and any love life to speak of..... i feel very sad and alone
does anyone ever fear that they're incapable of ever maintaining a normal healthy relationship (romantic or platonic)? I think I withdraw to avoid confronting this & meeting people.
I'm also still very heartbroken about a man I really care for. I'm trying to put it behind me but I'm finding it very difficult. I look for his admirable qualities in every other guy I encounter.
There are perfectly logical explanations as to why my relationships have dissolved but it feels so obvious and natural to blame myself. Yeah it was timing and their issues etc etc but I'm the common thread.
My new roommates move in soon which I feel positive about.... but that's about it at the moment
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self.bipolar
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Dear mom Dear mom,
I miss you. It's hard not hearing from you.
Dear mom,
Sometimes, I think of you as different people. You're the loving, caring person that I knew as a child, the harsh but fair taskmaster I knew as a teen, and then you became someone else. But I know that's my own rationalization. You were the same person the whole time. It wasn't you that changed the most, it was me. Why did you always refuse to change? Why did our relationship have to remain frozen at age 18?
Dear mom,
I'm worried about you. All the years going through a failed marriage for our sakes, living like a ghost in a house with a man you hated, struggling with depression and probably worse and still refusing to go see a therapist. Every time I saw you, you became a little more lined and a little more frail, sitting in a dark room talking to your sisters at odd hours of the night. I know you aren't speaking to your friends or relatives. People we were so close to growing up don't even know that you are back living in our old family home. I saw how much worse you got after the dog died.
Dear mom,
What I wish most could have come out of our relationship was being acknowledged as my own person. For most of my life before college, I felt like a vehicle for your ambitions. When I came out of my shell and started asserting my own opinions, wanting to be treated like an adult, you saw it as a betrayal of the kind of person you thought I was. It all went downhill from there. You never spoke to me as an equal, only as a child, even after I was working a white collar job and moving in with my girlfriend.
Dear mom,
All I wanted out of life was to make you happy. You were everything to me. You taught me, stood up for me, helped me whenever I fell. Even to this day I still act like you would want me to, waiting for the praise that never comes. I look for people to help to fill a hole in my life. I only remember that hole being filled a few times in my life. I treasure those few fleeting moments of unadulterated praise. Everything else, from anyone else, even my wife, still falls flat and feels fake.
Dear mom,
I know you lived through me, because all of the things that I did were, in the end, things you claimed for yourself. Getting straight As and taking 14 AP classes. Becoming salutatorian. Getting into two of the top colleges in the country. Being part of a prestigious youth orchestra. Starting my own company. You fished for the answer to the question of "could you have done any of this without me?", and when I said "yes, I could have done some of it," you exploded. You didn't know that I needed to claim some of those achievements as my own to help me become my own person, and I didn't know that you needed me to constantly acknowledge what you saw as the reason you sacrificed for years. Even my wedding was an occasion not for my happiness or plans, but for yours. When I suggested we might have a small ceremony instead of inviting all of your friends, you exploded and screamed about why I was stealing your happiness. It wasn't ever yours.
Dear mom,
I wish that the person you were in front of other people was the person I could talk to and live with. I asked my wife what she thought of you, and she described a gracious host, full of life, wit, and genuine love. I was almost at breaking point before I got married; after, it's like you became someone else when my wife was around. I suddenly got everything I wanted, but I knew it to be a facade. I heard what you really thought and wanted to say whenever we were on the phone, in private. When I asked for the person you were for others, you always told me the same thing: "I'm not going to kiss your ass." Why didn't my feelings matter to you?
Dear mom,
You knew I was hurt every time you mentioned that I'd gained weight. I told you. You knew how much it hurt whenever you tried to claim my achievements and constantly seek praise for them. I told you. You knew I didn't want to be dragged into the tangle of your relationship with dad. I told you. I was dreading the moment my wife walked out of the house and you could lecture me freely. Maybe what happened after only happened because after years of therapy, I finally had the courage to stand up for myself, manage conflicts in a healthy way, and speak up about my feelings.
Dear mom,
I want to be a part of your life. I want to know how you're doing, what you're interested in. I want to speak Chinese with you. I want to know how life is with the new dog you and dad adopted. I want to walk in your garden and talk about our family friends. I want to cook food for you and make your bed and lie awake at night listening to stories from your childhood. I miss you so much.
Dear mom,
I'm so sorry. I love you, and even though I know it will hurt, I want to go back and try to make it work like I did every year for the past decade. I try to remember the best parts, even if it means I have to pretend that you're dead and that the past decade of abuse didn't happen. Cutting off contact was the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life.
Happy 1-year estrangement anniversary.
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self.offmychest
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My dog died 9 months ago and I’m still not over it I adopted my dog in 2004 when he was 8 weeks old and he had to be put down last May. I literally had him his whole life and 1/3 of mine. I cannot get over this loss. Everyday hurts and it hasn’t gotten better. Im
Married, I have a daughter and another on the way... I have a lot of happiness in my life, but when I think of him I’m overwhelmed with sadness.
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self.depression
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What do you guys do to help yourself after a loss? My mother just died a few days ago, and I feel so numb that I can't even cry anymore. Everything feels so grey and pointless. I've felt like this a lot during my life (it usually lasts for long periods of time) but it has never felt this strong before. I can't even pry myself from bed, and I haven't showered in almost a week.
What do you do to help cope with this feeling? I need some ideas.
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self.depression
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Tired of being the source of your misery. You told me I ruined the holidays for you. Told me I didn't care. Told me I hated you and wished you were dead. Told me everything I've ever said was a lie and bullshit.
I told you I was unhappy. I told you I needed space and time to be myself and to be independent. Told you that I don't feel the same as I used to, that I'm empty and drained. You said you couldn't handle that.
You wished I never said I loved you. You blame me for feeling alone. You told me how you wanted to die and then that it didn't actually hold any weight when I tried to talk to you about.
And I did make mistakes, but so did you. I'm sorry I'm not the person you need me to be. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to carry the burdens you have without feeling jaded anymore.
Maybe if we knew each other back then things would be different. I don't mean to hurt you but our relationship has turned me toxic. I didn't use to lie about such little things. I didn't use to be filled with anxiety over the aspect of not being immediately available when we're home together. I didn't use to be so embarrassed to be myself. It saddens me to know that I laugh harder with friends that I do with you. And these same friends I'm only around with you. Surely you notice.
It just feels like you don't want to be alone and I cannot relate to that, because I am content with being alone. I love you, but I hate our relationship and that's made everything else weigh so much to the point I don't want this anymore. Because I'm happier alone than I am with you.
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self.offmychest
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Why'd I have to be born a woman I feel so vulnerable with every new allegation that comes out every week.
I hate having to put up with knowing that there's a lot of men out there who see women as sexual objects and nothing else.
My friend keeps telling me about all the boys at school who will grope her and the amount of times people have commented on her looking unattractive when she doesn't have makeup on.
And if you're an ugly (young) woman, like I am, you might as well be worth nothing.
I hate it. I hate this world and I hate myself.
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self.depression
|
I Don't Know What To Do Lately I've been having a very rough time. Every single day is worse than the last. I keep feeling isolated and lost but more than that. Honestly it's hard to describe my feelings accurately. Every day feels like a waiting game, I feel like I can't cope with exsisting and any moment i spend without some sort of distraction my head starts to freak out and I can't control it. I don't feel anything anymore not like I use to, I can't even tell my parents I love them with full honest despite them being the best people in the world. I'm tired all the time and I don't even have enough energy to eat most days. Most people say I'm depressed but I don't know, the medication has helped at all yet. I feel like I'm losing my self. This is espcially bad since I'm attending university. I can't study or do homework because my head starts to spin whenever i try to concentrate and I never have the energy to go to classes. Any time i manage to get things done it takes so much out of me I can't bear it. I've pretty much thrown this entire semester down the drain and I hate myself for it. I can't even enjoy the things I use to love anymore like games or sports, not that I have any friends to enjoy them with any way. I never use to think about suicide but lately i find myself just wishing for an end more and more and I'm terified that one day It won't seem like that bad of an option. I didn't use to be like this. I want to get better but honestly I don't have alot of time left.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you tell the difference between your anxiety and a gut feeling that you should probably trust?
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self.Anxiety
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5 years, and I still can't let you go [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I don’t think I’ll get to graduate I’m at uni at the moment and my mental health has created endless and repetitive cycles of self destruction and I’m getting none of my work done. I had three essays due at the start of January, none of which ever got handed in and I have a new deadline which I have also missed. Every day that goes by the mountain of work I have to do creates such intense stress and anxiety it makes me physically ill (I’ve had a mix of various colds/abdominal pains/migraines). I skip class because I’m stressed but that only makes it worse.
I can’t bring myself to admit to others how much I’m struggling and I feel backed into a corner of self loathing and self doubt, fear eating me up from the inside and sometimes when I lie in bed spending another evening completely isolated all I can think about is dying. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell my partner this, there’s too much on his mind, too much stress in his life to let him worry about me but I know my behaviour makes him unhappy and he keeps asking such pervasive questions of me and I feel like I have no outlet or anyone to hear me.
I’m sorry I don’t ever post anything I’m just desperate.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How's everyone doing today? For me, its going ok. I guess. I opened up about a problem I'm having on Reddit but now I'm regretting it a little. Its about periods and how I feel about them. So, I'm a little sad right now but it'll get better I hope. I actually felt kinda dumb about posting it. Anyway, how is everyone this week?
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self.Anxiety
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Horrible date was horrible...how to talk to guys? Was bored and talking to some guy on a dating app who seemed cool enough. He suggested drinks and after roaming around lost, being confronted by a scary cat, and jumping in an uber, I got there.
The whole thing was awkward. It felt more like an interview than a date. We talked about the city (which was boring), sports, school, society & tech etc. but it just felt shallow. I was struggling to find things to say and found chemistry off.
Didn't stay long (was trying to be polite and not ghost) but I'm a bit at a loss. Even my worst date didn't feel like such a waste of time like this did.
Guys...would you be bored if a girl wanted to talk to you about sports, your interests and (my) interests such as movies, and discussing changes in society (huge Black Mirror fan so something along those lines).
I just feel thrown off from the whole thing and a little unsure of myself.
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self.offmychest
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Rescue dog did not work out Sorry for the long post in advance.
My fiancé and I recently moved to a new house together with our two dogs, a 4-year old golden retriever and a 1.5 year old bernese mountain dog. We have had both since they were puppies. They get along great, but the golden is extremely lazy and does not like to play and exercise like the bernese does and we found that the bernese had a ton of pent up energy. Previously, before moving in together, the dogs were at my parents’ house which included 3 other dogs, therefore the bernese could play and pent up energy was never an issue.
Fast forward to two months after moving into our new house, and we decided that it might be a good idea to adopt a shelter dog to add to our pack. After talking about it for a week or two, and doing a lot of research, we felt that heading to our local APL and taking a look at the dogs there would be a good idea.
Upon arriving at the shelter we fell in love with a 2 year old Mastiff. After having a successful meet and great, we talked to the shelter workers to get her past information. She had been to 3 homes and returned to the shelter 3 times. The first, was then she was a puppy, she was attacked brutally by another dog and has visible scars on her ears. The second, the family could not handle how big she was (110 pounds). Finally the third, she had been with a guy for close to a year but he returned her due to moving away and he could not take her. She had no history of aggression and positive reviews from all of the staff members. We decided to run home and grab our dogs for a meet and great before making any further decisions. The meet and great went well, the shelter dog brought the Mastiff into the room and stayed with us for a few minutes. When it seemed like there would be no problems the worker left us for close to an hour while the dogs interacted. There were no signs of aggression and each dog seemed to be generally happy. We decided to adopt.
The first week at home was rough, but we totally expected that. She was adapting to her new surroundings and was naturally on edge. Most nights she would hit a breaking point and would let the other dogs know that she wanted to be left alone by giving a growl. Every once in a while the golden would not get the hint and would stay close by, which resulted in the Mastiff jumping on his back. Every time this happened we corrected the action and made sure that the dogs gave each other space.
Over the course of the next three weeks, the bernese and mastiff became good friends. They would run around our fenced in back yard together, playing with sticks, toys, etc. The mastiff was clearly the alpha of the two of them and that seemed to work out great. The golden on the other hand, was having increasingly more problems with the mastiff. They were having a power struggle as to who the alpha of the pack was going to be. This would often result in the mastiff jumping on the goldens back or walking up to him and putting her head on his back – he would then usually bark at her, give a growl, etc. but it never came to fighting.The closest it got to a fight is one night as we were going to bed, the lights went off and the dogs got into a scuffle, we were able to separate them before any damage was done and had the dogs separated that night. Again, we knew that dogs occasionally will have scuffles and needed to figure out their boundaries and pecking order with the mastiff being new to the house. We still were encouraged that they would figure it out and that there weren't any real issues.
This changed the following night which was about a week ago. As usual, we were hanging out in our kitchen and the dogs had their respective toys (there has never been any toy or food aggression among the dogs). The mastiff, seemed to have an explosion of energy and decided she wanted to rough house. Before I knew it she was jumping on the golden, and the fuse was lit. The dogs were no longer playing but biting at each other to cause harm. I instantly grabbed the mastiff while my fiancé tried to grab the golden, while accidently getting her hand caught in the middle – resulting in a bite to her arm and some serious blood and ensuing infection. The dogs were promptly separated and did not interact for close to 12 hours. We then slowly reintroduced them and it was if nothing happened, the dogs were completely fine around each other – but our stress levels were through the roof. Clearly we had an issue on our hands, so we called the vet and scheduled and appointment and discussed the aggression over the phone. Over the ensuing days, we did what they vet recommended – keeping them separated for the most part with short supervised social interactions. This worked for the next few days (about 5), until Friday evening hit. I let the dogs out after work and supervised them. Everything seemed to be status quo, so I ran inside to check the mail only to hear yelps as soon as I got inside. I found the mastiff on top of the golden biting locked on to its scruff area, with the bernese doing everything she could to get the mastiff off of him. I was able to break it up and get the golden inside to check on him. He did not appear to have any blood, and was happy to sit with me with his toys. After about 10 minutes, I decided to go check on the mastiff. As I opened the door to the deck, the golden in his infinite wisdom pushed out behind me. The mastiff saw him, sniffed him, and before I could intervene attacked. Locking her jaw onto the base of his ear/neck area. I could was doing everything I could to break them up, but could not get her off of him – getting bit in the leg in the process. The bernese was again knocking into the mastiff to try and remove her from the golden. Finally I was able to separate the two combatants and throw the golden inside, while the mastiff tackled the bernese. To my knowledge she never bit into the bernese though.
Both the golden and the mastiff had puncture wounds – the mastiff to the face and chest – the golden to the base of this ear and back of his neck. The mastiff also impaled her gum/lip through one of her canine teeth. This resulted in a rush to the emergency vet once my fiancé was home. The vet cleaned the wounds and mentioned that the mastiff did growl at her and was promptly muzzled. Fast forward to Monday and we take her to her original vet appointment to discuss cherry eye, and a possible ear infection. While in the waiting room, she practically tore my arm off pulling and trying to see another dog that entered the waiting room. Finally, we got into a room and while examining her the vet tech wrapped his arms around her she did not like this and she lunged and nipped him in the face causing blood. The vet then told us he could no longer see her and she was not welcome back to his office. He recommended that we euthanize her due to her aggression. We love her deeply and could not bear to euthanize her – but we lost all trust in her and it was tearing us apart at home as we constantly had to keep the dogs separated. We decided to make the hardest decision of our lives and take her back to the APL. We felt that it was the best decision for our dogs safety as well as her safety and still gave her a shot at going to a home where she could thrive.
Now 12 hours later – my fiancé and I are torn up with guilt and sadness and are wondering if we made a mistake. Part of us feels like we did but there is also a big part of us that knows it’s something we felt we had to do.
Should we go back and get her, did we make the right decision, are we terrible people – some of the thoughts running through my head today.
TL;DR Adopted a Mastiff. She loved our bernese but got in several fights causing blood with our golden and bites to both of us. Bit a vet tech causing blood. Vet recommended euthanasia – we decided to take her back to the APL to give her a shot. Now we feel guilty and depressed.
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self.offmychest
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Why do I even bother? Everything is just a matter of going through the motions, why do I bother even going through them? I realize everyday I am a more hollow person as everyday passes. Nobody even cared enough to wish me a happy new year, not a single family member or friend. Why does everyone shun me? I'm not an unkind person, I try to always go out of my way yet nothing is reciprocated ever. I don't see myself making it to 2019 at this rate. I don't care about anything at this point, I just need a way out of this. I need a way out of daily despair and anguish as to why nobody wants to spend any time trying to talk to me at all.
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self.depression
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the emptiness within Have you ever been in a phase where you are not excited about anything, you do not want to do anything, be anywhere or engage in any activity whatso ever.
If yes how did you bounce from that eternal feeling of hollowness.
I am currently sitting right here with no desires and excitement about anything and it scares me. I do not want to be like this.
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self.depression
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How do I stop being resentful? Good afternoon.
Resentment is starting to get in the way of what would otherwise be basic problem solving. Whenever I can't figure a way out of something, I start ruminating back on my shitty upbringing, awful education system and bullying (I could get to details but I don't think they are that relevant). I ruminate on how these things hindered my overall development. Then it becomes a loop where I feel miserable all the time.
I believe I have good reasons to feel this way. I worked my ass off as much as possible, but I'm still crippled by basic reasoning and social adjustment problems no matter how much I practice. I pretty much slaved myself to authority figures to see if I could have a decent future but it turns out I was just being manipulated and used. They never gave a shit about me.
Nonetheless, I want to be the better person in this whole mess. So I wanted to know your suggestions on how I can solve my problems without being haunted by these things. I take care of hygiene and eat well. I do exercise but maybe not enough/not the correct exercises. Sleeping is hit or miss. Would something like meditation help?
Thank you.
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self.depression
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Why am I so negative? Is it the depression or me? Am so confused and I feel stuck in my little room. I just can't go anywhere in life. My family feels poisonous but I cant get away from and still, I need them because they are the only one I can talk. I go to college to study English but I have failed what now seems to be the fifth time. I just don't understand anything anymore not what going around me or the world or just simple stuff such as common sense. I just doubt myself over and over all the time and I feel discontent with everything whereas before I just brush it off and kept walking like a zombie.
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self.depression
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Just agreed to go a party on new year's eve, even though i would feel much more comfortable staying at home [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Depression...is when you Sleep 13 hours and still feel exhausted.
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self.depression
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Need some help I am HIV positive for at least 5 years with no treatment because I didn't know that was an option I am in a committed relationship and he knows I recently found out there is treatment available but I'm feeling now all the symptoms and I feel like shit everything is wrong with my body and now I am depressed I don't have any energy left and I feel like shit I don't want to live anymore I don't feel like living and I don't fell like anything is worth it I don't feel like killing myself y feel like I need it like there is no other option but I don't want to disappoint anyone is that crazy?
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self.depression
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I feel so alone Sometimes i can be happy, sometimes i can smile and sometimes i can laugh.
but most of the time when I'm alone or in school or anywhere i just feel so.. alone empty sad depressed everything combined and i just feel so alone
i don't really have any friends at school most of my friends are online and there aren't too many of them but I'm generally happy with my group of friends but i still feel so alone, my parents love me they give me kisses thought it is embarrassing and hugs and cuddles and i feel for a brief moment happiness but after a while i just feel empty sad alone..i don't know if I'm depressed but i thought this might be the best place to post this..if you have any questions like any i dunno just ask
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self.depression
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Too overwhelmed I have really important exams coming soon (my 6th form entrance exams), but because of my depression I can focus on any of my studies and revisions. Every day I fell too overwhelmed with what I feel and the fear if the exams that I end up sitting in front of my computer all day. I really need to focus but my brain just won't let me and it's freaking me out.
Is there any thing I can do to help me focus without forcing me to do anything, so it doesn't make me feel worse.
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self.depression
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My family is tearing me apart. My parents hate each other. They also don't believe in divorce "for the sake of the kids", being their kid, I can't help but question their philosophy. My entire life has been filled with scream offs at least once a week. When I was younger they bordered on/might have turned into (I'm not entirely certain as my memory doesn't hold up) violence. I'd always be caught in the center of it, with both of them yelling at me to take their side. As a kid I'd either try stop it or hide, that eventually turned into distracting my younger brother and pretending the yelling wasn't plaguing the background. Once the argument is over, the attitude is that nothing ever happened, the only result being that my parents hate each other a bit more. As I got a little older, some of this anger was turned on me. My mother would scorn almost everything I did, from an imperfect grade to a simple disagreement. She'd always make it seem like everything that went wrong was some kind of error on my part; I was "nothing like her", "not her child", "a punishment for her wrongdoings", "a bad influence on my brother". Alongside that, she's made me despise my own body, feel dissatisfied with my grades, and hate myself. I admit to sometimes taking things too far, or starting an argument, yet telling me she regrets me being born seems like a bit of a stretch, right? I have no idea how she twists these things to make me the villain, but I know that I believe her. All the while, my father does nothing to help me, and stands in the background.
Basically, this has fucked me up big time. Ask my friends and they'll tell you I never cry, yet a harsh word from my parents can bring me to tears. I'm emotionally detached from my family; while we live under the same roof, I try only exchange small talk and never turn to them for help. This attitude where we all pretend we're ok means I can never show emotion or turn to someone without feeling massive waves of shame (this is the first time I've told anyone and I'm certain to regret it). I once saw a psychologist after having dissociation and panic attacks, I lied a lot to her and had to stop because I couldn't bear the shame.
I can't help but feel that I'm weak for wanting to get help, that since we've long passed the worst of my parents' fights that I have no reason to be bothered by them, that if I've managed so long, I can move out in a year or two and pretend it never happened. But living like this is like trying to breathe water and I'm not emotionally stable and haven't been for a long time. In all honesty, there are details I've missed here but I will elaborate if prompted but I'm young and scared and hurting and I don't know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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achievement in "the arts" held my life back I'll start by saying that i actually haven't achieved a great deal compared to some of the uber-achieving musicians out there. I've had awesome experiences playing for other talented people and even taught some awesome kids.
The toxic thing that has held me back the most is the amount of teachers/mentors in the Universities and academia who have known very little of life outside the practice room, the performance hall, the bar, the classroom and the apartment. Even if they travel, even if they speak 6 languages and have friends (mostly just facebook) from all over the world, they can't keep their daily lives from passive agressive meltdowns, possessive behaviors, lying, cheating and being all-around nasty. BUT THEY JUST LOOK SO GOOD ON PAPER, RIGHT? THEY HAVE A PhD OR DMA or both AND THEY JUST PLAY SO WELL AND THEY MADE THEIR PARENTS SO VERY PROUD......but can they keep a friend? Can they be compassionate to people who work minimum wage and aren't "educated" beyond GED, or Bachelor's, or even MASTERS?
I regret how hard I pushed myself in one TINY little aspect of human life and existence, all the while being surrounded by tons of crazy, overworked and in bad cases broken people who need to be in therapy before they push their bad habits on young malleable adults.
edit: I failed to say that I didn't learn how to avoid these behaviors, they became my own nature. Now I'm doing everything I can to unlearn the survival instincts of the land of academia before it's too late.
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self.offmychest
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So my wife told me today she wants a divorce. And I am totally devastated. I am gonna lose my family and my two boys that I love more than life itself. I am sitting downstairs on the sofa, listening to what remains of my family breathing as they sleep and I get struck by the harsh reality that I won't be able to tuck them in each night. That I won't be able to say "I love you" as the last thing they hear each night.
I'm usually not a crying dude but I just can't stop tonight. They are the only family I got and this is the only outlet I got right now. Well, you and crying my eyes out.
Fuck this.
UPDATE: Wow, thank you all for the overwhelming support. I really need that right now. I have talked to my soon-to-be ex-wife and she agrees and promise me she won't take my kids away from me. We will have joint custody and have the kids every other week.
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self.depression
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When you go through a manic phase... And talk a bunch of shit all over social media, get banned from several groups, down voted into oblivion, argue and be ignorant with my loved ones and being blocked by friends and family.
Now I've come down and I'm trying to repair the damage. Luckily my wife understands I have bipolar 2 and this happens sometimes but I always feel so terrible for the way I act. That's one bridge crossed so far.
This is my first post so I apologize if I didn't tag and flair it correctly I'm kind of wandering lost at this point.
Thanks for reading
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self.bipolar
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I think I might have CTE, and it is causing depression. I am not sure where I should put this but I feel like here is a good place. Over the last few months I have been feeling "out of it". Things that I used to love doing are not fun anymore. I am losing motivation to do anything. And I feel like I am losing track of what I am doing consistently. I am scared to tell my parents cause I hid my concussion from them and I honestly don't know what to do with my life because of this.
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self.depression
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Is anyone tired all the time? I am tired ALL the time, I can yawn all day and it's been consistent most of my life. There's the times I'm not tired but even then when it comes down Im tired. It's getting annoying. Maybe I should actually excercise or something. I tell my psych doc that I'm tired every appointment. I'll bring it up again during our next.
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self.bipolar
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I know everyone does, but I think I have the worst suitemates of all time, especially after last night... I live in a College dorm. That was my first mistake. And yes, I have reported them to the RA (Resident Adviser) numerous times.
Tonight, it's the usual. They want to party, but they don't know anyone and don't have anywhere to go, so they're gonna get drunk in their tiny 2 person apartment dorm on the first floor and blast really shit music until 2 AM. That's how it usually goes.
At some point tonight, I'll knock on their door, and they'll ignore it, then I'll call the RA to do it, too. After the RA shows up, it'll die down, but they'll keep the speakers on and listen to their mumble shit trap rap (or top 40 EDM remixes, if one of their girlfriends is over and they're fucking, which yes, I hear too {**"OOH FUCK YEAH FUCKKKK I WANNA FUCKING CUM FROM YOU WH*RE"**}) loud enough for me to hear it through the concrete walls that separate us.
Every once in awhile I'll hear an advertisement for Spotify Student. At this point, I'm willing to pay for it for them.
This is how it goes.
But last night, I heard something that doesn't usually happen.
Around a certain point in the night, I eventually tune the music out, especially when they start turning it down. This'll happen between 1:30 and 2:30 typically.
**"OOOOH FUCK"**
A remixed "Closer" by the Chainsmokers was playing.
*"Stop, stop stop please, stop, stop....."*
**"SHITTT"**
*"Stop it, stop it, stop it... no, no...."*
I got up and walked into our shared bathroom to knock on the door. I knocked three times thrice, and nothing happened. I thought maybe my knock was enough to startle and interrupt whatever fucked up thing was happening through the concrete next to me.
Closer stopped, and I heard feint crying.
At this point, I called the RA hotline.
"(mrphph) .... you've reached the RA hotline... how can I help you"
"All that stuff happened, this seems fucked up, sorry for calling you this late, but can you check that out?"
"Oh my gosh. Yes, I'll get on that right now. Don't apologize, thank you for letting me know."
I'm not sure if anything really was happening last night, or if the RA got around in time, or if I just made that girl's life harder. I don't even know who she is, really. I feel like I didn't do enough, but I really don't know that I can do anything else. Advice is appreciated, I suppose.
All I know is that I have the worst suitemates ever. At least they cleaned the bathroom yesterday, though.
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self.offmychest
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I don't go out anywhere unless I'm with my parents, I'm embarrassed and I think people judge me for it [deleted]
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self.depression
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I won't kill myself No, I'll just push on through life no matter how shitty it is. I can't honestly see taking my life since I guess I love myself just 1 or 2 iota more than what it would take to end it all. If anything I will die from cancer somewhere along the line in an opiated haze. Reality is colder than the afterlife.
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self.SuicideWatch
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To those of you who has prevented a suicide... [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm lost.
I do my very best to keep a somewhat positive outlook on things. I often say negative things, but that is a bad habit of complaining that I blame on the Midwest “I can never get too excited about anything” affectation, but in general I am optimistic.
I’m 41, heading quickly towards 42. And I feel lost. I thought education would show me a path, and while I wouldn’t trade my education for anything (except maybe not having $60,000 in debt that I will probably never be able to pay off.), I don’t have the drive or motivation to go for another degree or two, and thus even further into unpayable debt, with no solid evidence that I can make a living in the field.
My life has been filled with endless “jobs” that don’t push me, or motivate me to be better. I tried sales, and while it was challenging, I didn’t have the motivation to deal with the consistent rejection and lack of steady income. I’ve tried retail, management, etc, etc, etc. And every one of those jobs has felt like I am spinning my wheels and going nowhere.
I should have at least a small percentage of this figured out by now, I feel like I had a better grip on everything when I was 17.
I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck or worse for most of my adult life. Much of that happens to be bad spending habits, nil on saving habits, so I don’t blame almost anyone but myself.
I feel weak, pathetic, and like I can’t take care of myself let alone my wife, my son, or even my pets.
I thought to myself I need to hire a professional resume writer. Maybe making myself more marketable would get me into some place where I could have a career instead of a job. And then I did research. Most important thing to have before hiring someone to write a resume for you is to have a definitive direction and idea of what industry you would like to work… Yeah, that’s a problem.
I don’t know what I’m good at.
What things I am slightly proficient in or educated for do not pay well, require another degree, or are nearly non-existent. If I am wrong about this, then someone please enlighten me.
My mouth is a train wreck which makes me extremely nervous when talking to people.
My health is shitty; I can’t find the motivation to really make the changes I need in order to make myself better.
I feel as if I shouldn’t need a pill to make me better.
I feel like a pretender.
I’m intelligent
I’m educated
I’m somewhat charming
I’m articulate (when I’m not mumbling)
Why when it seems that I have so much going for me, I can’t seem to catch a break?
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self.offmychest
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About to be homeless and family doesn't care at all My brother is an absolute piece of shit. Let me explain.
When he first moved here from out of state, I opened my wallet to the tune of thousands of dollars to get him on his feet. I hooked him up with a job to get him started. He paid me back once he settled in to a new job, but I wanted to see him succeed.
I'm a young professional, who previously managed an apartment complex. I had a severe mental breakdown and I've been out of work for six months. I'm being evicted. I'm trying to get hooked up with the local homeless shelter. No, it didn't even cross my brother's mind to offer me a couch to crash on. That would be an inconvenience for him.
So clearly since he wasn't about to do that, I asked if he could hang on to my clothes for me, which include some not-inexpensive dress clothes and winter gear. It would all fit in his back seat. I've resorted to BEGGING him over the last two weeks, but no, he can't be fucking bothered to drive ten goddamn minutes, and hang on to my clothes for me while I go stay at a homeless shelter.
I offered him to have my computer, and a nice computer desk, since he doesn't have one. I couldn't even entice him with THAT. I'm so fucking angry right now. I'm out of here in less than a week, and I have to trash my clothes, and offload the rest of my stuff via craigslist.
My brother is such a fucking piece of shit. He can't be fucking bothered to let me crash on his couch for a while, or drive ten minutes to hang on to my clothes, after I shelled out thousands of dollars on his behalf to help him get on his feet.
I am so hurt and angry that he would ignore me right now. It's not that he doesn't understand. He simply doesn't care. That's what hurts the most.
He is a fucking piece of shit and I hate him.
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self.offmychest
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Issues with public spaces Has anyone encountered this? It's wonky because I am absolutely fine at a concert and I handle comic con fairly well, but when it comes to Mass Transit and Super Markets I encounter issues. I can speculate as to why I have my particular issues with one vs the other but I'm more wondering if others run into this. The best example I have is there are times where I have to get groceries, so I drag myself to the store (It's one block away) then I get there and hit my list, but if something isn't there or if I have to pick up something new I start to get nonplussed. I have gotten my response to it well controlled, I think, but I don't like the feeling. Usually I will walk to the pasta or cookie aisle, pick up a box of something, and read ingredients until the sensation passes enough for me to finish what I am doing or outright leave the store.
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self.bipolar
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new years day, feeling a lil hopeful, immediately get scammed. :) was a mistake not to kill myself last christmas.
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self.depression
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I HATE that I can't tell anyone what's wrong with me Most of this post is gonna be a boring and depressing story. Don't bother reading it, I just want to type it out so I can put things into perspective.
So I'm in this Discord group. It's barely active, and the 2 or 3 people that do post there (myself included) usually just talk shit or post memes. Sometimes we talk about more serious stuff. In that chat, I share a lot of depressing memes. And not just "lol my life sucks" sort of things, the stuff that's basically just a depression post disguised as a lame joke.
A couple of weeks ago, while I was uploading some of them, one of the guys in the chat said something along the lines of "You know, if you do actually feel depressed you can talk to us about it. It's a little worrying." I had never had anything of the sort ever said to me; no one has ever even thought to ask about it, not that I blame them. So how did I respond? Did I finally get to open up to someone and at the very least get someone to listen to me? Nope, I told them I wasn't and it's all just a joke.
And then there's this other guy, who isn't in the chat but I talk to him anyway. We used to be a lot closer than we are now. Life stuff has generally just stopped us from talking to each other as much. When we do talk, it's always pretty clear that he isn't enjoying his life very much. I'm always there to at least listen because I know how it feels just wanting someone to listen. Hell, that's why I'm making this stupid post nobody wants to see.
But whenever I have a chance to tell him about my depression, my problems, I just clam up and change the subject to something pointless. I always tell myself "Don't bother, they don't want to hear it, your problems are nothing compared to theirs". So I sit there, passively replying to everything they say whilst beating myself up in my head. Telling myself how I'm so fucking useless that I won't even open up to people when they fucking offer to listen to me.
I don't even know any more. I don't know why I made this post. I don't know why I even bother talking to people when all I do is make them worry.
I'm sorry you read this, if you did. I just want somewhere to scream for a while and here it'll at least be able to drift into the far reaches of some server somewhere without anyone caring.
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self.depression
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Wack I'm feeling so fucking sad. It feels unnatural. I haven't made a new friend in two years. I had a girlfriend who knew every inch of my brain, but I don't even understand how I got there. I don't
Think I'll ever do it again. I don't want to die without it. I am so scared. I feel desperate. I feel disgusting, like a "nice guy." I hate that I know what love feels like. I am a novelty to everyone who loves me. I want to be a partner. I don't want to be a close friend to anyone. I don't care if my partner likes me, just as long as they know everything I am and tolerate it. There is nothing about loneliness that i am able to romanticize anymore, the way I do with all my other pain. Every day feels like a drop of water falling on my forehead while my arms are bound.
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self.bipolar
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What do you do when nothing seems to work? I've tried the pills. I've tried talking to people, but nothing seems to ever help. The other day I accidentally missed an appointment with my counselor and she called me and said, "well call me back and reschedule for a time you can ACTUALLY make it to". What the hell? Why am I even seeing her. The only thing she does is try to make me feel guilty for not trying to get a job 3.5 hours away and commuting.
I wish I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, but everything's dark.
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self.depression
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Tired of mental health professionals thinking antidepressants = cure [deleted]
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self.depression
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On paper I have everything, and no reason to feel the way I do. Does anyone else have this problem? [deleted]
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self.depression
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[Update] The person I really like told me she had depression [deleted]
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self.depression
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How do you deal with depression in Holidays season? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Everything is crumbling around me and I'm losing my mind. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Generic Pristiq in Canada? I keep hearing that there's a generic version of Pristiq out in Canada, but no pharmacies seem to know what I'm talking about. Am I wrong here?
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self.bipolar
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Working After Long-term Depression I was out of work for four or five years. This year, as my mental health improved and I got tired of staying home all day and being unproductive, I decided it was time to return to work. I'm having a difficult time because I do not know what to do. I have a nearly complete degree and some experience in the field I majored in. Where do I even start?
I would like to know did any of you experience a long bout of being unemployed? How did you return to the workforce? I would especially like to hear from you if you have professional qualifications and experience.
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self.depression
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Really struggling. I really wanted to feel better. I made this account 5 months ago when I was at a low point. I hoped things would improve. But I'm still at that low point.
I can't find people to connect with. I constantly tell people they're young and they'll find someone. There are a lot of people out there.
It's just not happening for me.
I've been wasting my education and myself for years now.
And I just want it to stop and this is such a good way to make it stop.
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self.SuicideWatch
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No sleep Of all the things that depression takes away from me. I just wish I could sleep. Sometimes my head isn't even filled with thoughts, just screaming resulting in chest gripping anxiety and stress. I used to do math problems in my head to stop thinking but now the attempt of focusing on something makes me want to breakdown. I have two papers to write but I can't focus. I can't sleep.
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self.depression
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I’m so stressed I want to kill myself in front of the customers I hate working holidays at retail so much it makes me want to scream. I hate customers, I hate dealing with them, I hate the entitled, snobby attitudes they have. I hate how right after I end up getting a table of clothes clean, some clueless asstart decides to mess it up again. I hate how there are customers that either cannot read the receipt’s return date, or they imply that I’m an idiot who can’t do her job the way they like it.
The store is so messy right now that I want to gut myself open with one of the box cutters. I feel so stressed that I feel like I may puke and pass out at any second. I barely have any time to mentally and emotionally recharge because of this goddamn job.
I am grateful that my coworkers are nice, but I hate dealing with customers. I hate being forced to put on this fucking extroverted attitude just to please the goddamn customers. I literally almost snapped at one yesterday because she was being rude when I told her the return policy when she tried to return something that she bought a year ago.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take; at this point, if given the chance and if I had the guts, I’d kill myself in front of those goddamn customers should they push me to the breaking point, whether they are directly rude to me or if they mess up something I just cleaned up.
I want to cry, but I guess crying is “not professional” if I end up breaking down in front of my coworkers. I want to tell my boss that I do not feel mentally and emotionally well, but that would possibly mean either going to the hospital, or being told in a nutshell to “suck it up”. I’ve been working so much that I haven’t had the time to eat as much as I need to; I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up losing weight because of the goddamn holidays. At this point, it would’ve been, screw the fucking money, my health is more important, but no, if I want to be able to afford rent and bills, I have to throw my goddamn sanity in the shitter, fake it, and end up working as much as fucking possible, and push myself so much that I end up breaking. I don’t know how much more of this I can take anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It hurts She is newly diagnosed bipolar, i had my diagnosis almost ten years ago.
We met at work 2.5 years ago and she was pregnant within 3 months.
I wanted to help her and save her.
I gave my life to support her during the pregnancy and the hormone swings while adjusting to new psych meds.
I stopped going to see friends, i didnt spend money, i cleaned and cooked and worked.
Our son came and she had post partum, i doubled down on taking care of them.
I had nights where I didnt sleep to watch her and make sure she didnt hurt herself.
I got up every time the baby cried, for 6 months.
She spent my 3.5k tax return in a month. I cancelled all my planned hobby upgrades and canceled our vacation.
She started getting better. Was in a bad job and did out patient for a long time.
She was still erratic, still spent money, liked to go off her meds. I started thinking I wanted out.
She got better.
She started to shut down and one day admits that she wants to split.
"Yeah, good, thats what we both want."
Within 10 days shes on her first date.
3rd 4 days later.
She tells me "we agreed to split cause we werent in love."
I say "no, I was worried about you and wanted you better but i couldnt bear that burden."
She's seeing one or two or three guys now, every night she doesnt have the baby.
I dont hold it against her because we arent together.
I just wish she hurt as much as I do.
Supposed to go out with a woman Tuesday, maybe Ill cancel.
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self.bipolar
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Pitiful, Suicidal, Rottened and part of Earth's unwanted. I'm an only child who was abandoned by her dad at a confusing age and thoroughly abused by her mother after the divorce. It wasn't until my first relationship did I feel loved. And then when we broke up after their infidelity, I shut off into a mute, pitiful and 'sleep, eat, sleep' life isolated from school, work, or life.
It seems everyone has family or friends that are always there to pull them off their feet. I know I can make my own family and friends but based on my experiences, people just want to use me or hurt me in some way.
It's pushed me into feeling worthless until the point where I reach for help. But then I have people who ask me to do things like let them own me or stream my suicide.
I feel sick. I feel disgusted. And I feel that I should just die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Be mindful of an increased amount of difficulty in dealing wirh depression since daylight savings time. Mainly for Americans in states that observe daylight savings time. I feel it harder to deal with life when there's "less" daylight.
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self.depression
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Why do I even bother anymore? I've been emotionally abused my entire life. And continue to be so. I'm also a hypochondriac.
I'm in my final year of university and my dad has caused panic attacks that I didn't have when I was at my worst and in CBT. He told me to go kill myself. That no one likes me. That I'm no longer his daughter. That I'm self centred, cynical and selfish. I no longer talk to him. But we live in the same house.
My anxiety is fixated on my teeth right now. Going to an appointment tomorrow. I fear I'll need more work. And it's because my old dentists weren't very careful. Caused me issues.
I have to fight off these strengthening feelings of depression and generalised anxiety. They're beginning to re-infect my life. Missing seminars. Losing interest. Wanting to sleep forever.
But I'm tired of fighting. Because I'll be let down again. I always am. There's no escaping it. It's my life. And I have to face it. But I'm losing the strength to answer why I still push myself to live. But I'm not suicidal exactly. I just want to die. Because living like this may not be the worst out of all lives right now. But I'd gladly trade my life so someone who wants to live can. Because I just can't really be bothered. But of course I can-- I'm going to try get back into CBT at my university and get my shit together. But it's hard. And doing it again hurts.
And this is how I feel right now.
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self.depression
|
I just want to die.. I..i have no job, I don't know what to do with my life, I stay indoors every single day doing nothing my parents think I'm just a good for nothing lazy peice of shit, and they always look to my sibling due to her success in life. I've tried getting a job but I'm always so insecure so whenever they interview me I stutter and look to the ground, they always say they'll "call me back" and they never do.. I want to eventually become an animator one day it's my dream but with my skills I could never become one, and my mother wants me to attend university immediately but I am unprepared and scared. Staying home all day keeps me to my thoughts more often and I've cried myself to sleep so many times because I've been thinking on how much of a useless peice of trash I am, I've had nights where I have held a knife to my throat or chest willing to end it all.. I'm tired of living a life where I know I'm set up for only failure I'm tired of being a waste of space and a useless shit I just want to die.. I'm too scared though I fucking hate myself
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know how I'm going to get through these next 4 hours I made a post here the other day about being worried about my bf breaking up with me. Well this Tuesday we talked and he ended it but then he said he "didn't want to lose me" and wanted to talk things through on Friday (today). So I get off work at 5 and I guess we'll talk.
My anxiety is at an all time high so positive vibes would be appreciated. Things seemed promising earlier this week, but I asked him 2 hours ago where we were going to meet and he hasn't responded. I feel like chewing my fingernails off. Or crying. Probably both.
I have all his stuff piled in my car in case we are still broken up. Thankfully my friend is staying with me all weekend and I don't have to be alone afterwards.
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self.offmychest
|
Religion and sexuality and mental health yay So from birth you've raised me as a Muslim but I don't know what I believe. I don't feel like I can talk you about this. I hate how I was circumcised for our faith without my input on the matter. I hate how nonbeliever a alledgly go to hell and gays do too. I hate the inequality between sexes in our faith. I kinda believe my faith because that's what I've always known to believe but I don't really know. One of the pillars of Islam is to believe in one God but I'm not sure about that so am I even a Muslim? If I'm not a Muslim am I going to burn in hell? Is hell and religion not real so I can finally live freely without worrying in the hereafter. (On a side note mom I bloody hate how you b word about my auntie behind her back and everyone chimes in, you joke about her cooking,which isn't great, but you don't tell her. You b word about everyone at your workplace because you can never fucking be wrong and they are all incompetent.) I think I'm queer in some way but that's forbidden. I constantly worry if I'm going to hell and if I'm acting gay or whatever. I see gay culture but I can't identify myself E with it I don't feel gay enough to fit in. I feel fucking disgusted with who I am and have talked myself out of what I actually am. I'm pretty sure I have anxiety, college is so hard to cope with the classroom environment and the social side too. I have lots of FRIEVds but I don't hang out with them in my plentiful frees because I can't cope with groups of people. My FRIEVD introduced me to all his friends and when they all were looking at me when I was introduced I got overwhelmed and had face twitching when I'm trying to smile the nerves off but I look like a freak instead. That's why I spend my frees alone. So I don't feel like I have friends. I miss my old ones. I have lots more to say about this but no time. Anyway I always feel depressed and send hating, my body and mind doesn't feel great. I would want to end it all but I firmly believe I wouldn't have the courage to and I wouldn't. Oh yeah there's Videogame addiction to overwatch that makes me feel happy mostly. I have invested so much of me and my time into that game and I fucking suck and am getting worse. Also I have a big ass nose, spots everywhere and marks, greasy skin and hair, my hair grows to quick in some facial areas, my arms are so bloody skinny. I feel so ugly. I see boys then I'm like they are attractive then I get sad because Ik I'm very ugly and wouldn't have a chance with them. I'm doing studies I don't enjoy for my familly and I don't love my familly. I feel fucking miserable haha
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self.offmychest
|
Anybody else has "light" bipolar (easy symptoms) and really good at meds (low dosage ~no side effects) ? I've only had 2 hypo and 1 depressed.
On hypo I worked full-time, trained muay-thai everyday, started drinking (~every day, but responsibly, only until my max capacity). (ofc I thought I was gonna change the world, did plastic surgery on a whim, went to France on a whim, the usual symptoms).
On depression worked part-time, trained (swimming) 5 times/week, dancing lessons + driving school every day. (ofc hated everything + suicide thoughts + 12 hour sleeps (slept 8 hours, went swimming, then slept another 4).
On meds, still am trying to find the right amount of Lithium (am on 250mg * 4 /day) and with Seroquel 25mg or 50mg a night with no side-effects. I did have some little tremors from Lithium and maybe hair thinning (not very sure about this).
But seems way different compared to many posts. I was functional on both polars
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self.bipolar
|
I legitimately hate my life and do not see it getting better. Throwaway because my friend saw my post on my real account. I need to be able to actually vent without him questioning me over all of this stuff.... once again.
Just a warning, brevity has never been my strong suit so please feel free to exit now and save yourself a few (or a lot, rather) minutes of reading if you are not up to it.
So I just turned 19 earlier this month. I know, I know. I’m still “so young” and “have a lot of time left to get what I want out of life.” I have heard it all before, so please do not bother. I understand that someone means well when they say these things to me, but it is all very cliché to me and it does not help me at all.
I live in the Bible Belt and have my whole entire suckish life. I have been raised to believe that I am not worthy of “Heaven” or “forgiveness” because I am a big bad sinner who deserves to be tortured in Hell because of all the bad things I have done or said. Needless to say that has put a real damper on my self esteem. I am human.... I will inevitably fuck up. Please don’t equate me to a piece of chewed up gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. It is truly dehumanizing in my eyes. This is not a religious debate so please keep that out of the comment section, I just thought that was something important I should add in this post which has contributed to my current train of thought.
Growing up, I had no real freedom and still do not to this very day since I still live with my parents. I was not permitted to watch or read Harry Potter because my parents considered that to be “witchcraft.” Sex and reproduction were both iffy topics my parents wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole, especially in the context of premarital sex and periods, unless it was done to cause embarrassment for me. (Yes mother, I realize that all of my male cousins and uncles can comprehend the concept of periods. It doesn’t mean I want you to vocally express that it is “my time of the month” at a family gathering and have them avoid me because I tend to get moody when Mother Nature knocks on the door. My face is also distorted similarly to someone getting an exorcism, so that could quite honestly also be a possible explanation as to why they avoid me.... but I should probably get off of this tangent now....)
I am extremely socially awkward and exhibit symptoms of both anxiety and depression. I have had to teach myself how to be “normal” around others because I hardly had any friends to hang out with since my parents never allowed me to have people from school over and never even let me go to someone else’s house. I do not have any actual friends to hang out with now that everyone I graduated with moved away for college or other opportunities that they just wouldn’t be able to get here in an extremely small town. Once when I was 14 years old, I tried to commit suicide. Naturally, the police showed up at my door to do a wellness check on me. After they left, my mom made fun of me (even though she has depression and anxiety herself) and made me feel like shit. She told me that she would only tell my dad so he didn’t have to find out about it at work and I told her I was alright with that as long as she didn’t tell anyone else. She promised me she wouldn’t.... but she did anyway. I found out from a cousin that she had pretty much told my whole family about what went down. I no longer trust her since she betrayed me. I have to keep everything bottled up inside so that the whole world won’t eventually find out about.
Speaking of embarrassment, my parents love doing that to me, as previously mentioned. If I say something wrong out of innocent ignorance or do something wrong, my dad just cannot wait to spread that to others, even if it’s someone he knows but I do not. I do not know these facts of life or know how to do them because my parents do not care to teach me. I still do not possess a drivers license, life skills, or anything else I will eventually need in life. (If I ever move out of my parents’ house, that is.) I can’t cook at all and according to my parents, I still need a lot more practice before doing the driving test because I’m a terrible driver. My sister *did* trust me on the road with her and her infant daughter though, so hopefully that counts as something? This is the same sister that my parents have always favored over me, by the way. I have had to compete with her my whole life in a feeble attempt to actually feel worth something.
Speaking of which, that is also a problem I have. I try so fucking hard to find love in places I shouldn’t. Through married men who give me attention. Through sending suggestive pictures to strangers who compliment me after years of dealing with bullying from classmates who called me fat and ugly. Through helping others who need it. This is the only way I find worth. I have learned to associate worthiness with someone’s attraction to me. I even cried on my birthday because I am no longer a “freshly turned 18” and I’m less wanted than them. I hate browsing various subreddits and seeing things like that. It kills me every single time. I haven’t been able to get used to seeing it and likely never will I guess. And fuck I know it’s wrong and demented and morbid or whatever adjective you choose to call it, but I can’t help it. It makes me feel something other than numbness or pain.
Needless to say I have been infantilized and sheltered to a harmful degree. I feel as though I will be stuck here forever until I die. That’s a long time from now and that angers me so much. There is no way out of this shit unless I run away and go live with a different family member. I am hurt so bad by all of this that has happened to me in the 19 fucked up years I have been on this godawful planet. I am incompetent and incompatible with life in general.
So there you go, ladies and gents. My life story and why I have such piss poor mental health. Hope you enjoyed. :)
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self.depression
|
This is just getting too much for me I'm 17. I have to go to school. Do chores. Do homework. Get good grades. Take care of the dogs. Take care of my sibling. Cook. Take people places. Do laundry. Have my room clean at all times. Work(I have a job). Buy my own clothes. Buy my own food because I often get forgotten. Still haven't gotten a new pairs of shoes because my mom spent the money on my sister to. It's been over a year. It's all getting too much for me. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder. I went to store for my mother because she was tired, took my brother to work for her, and bought and is currently that dinner even though I'm also exhausted as I've been having real bad insomnia and waking up at 1 and never getting back to sleep. No thank you or anything. Just a simple okay when I told her I did that for her. She nevers spends time with us. She didn't pay me or thank me for taking care of her kids and house while she went on vacation. She never spends time with us. Always in her room. When ever I try to show her something or tell her something it's like I'm bothering her. I feel more like a severvant than a daughter. Now she threatening to cancel Christmas over a sandwhich. We tried to explain to her her the guy was not listening to us and we couldn't figure out what sandwhich she wanted. She thought we were being difficult. I'm just really stressed out and really feel like Im going to have a panic attack or something or a break down or something. I just can't handle it all. She hardly cooks. She almost never cleans as she "doesn't make the mess" but neither do I. I just now realizing my brother who has a job but no car unlike me or does anything around the house doesn't have any chores and we're expected to clean up after him. This is way too much for me to handle.
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self.depression
|
Need someone to make me understand what i did. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anger. I guess it just shows how much I really loved you. Love/hate. 2 sides, same coin. It was the way you said it. "Really had no idea.." really woman? No idea? When N said "you guys remind me of my parents" or when you tell me to stay on the phone even though I'm from 5 min from pulling up to your place? "I had no idea"?!?! I feel like you had more fun messing with me. Like I was your play thing.
Fuck you. Fuck me for ever placing my self worth in you. I know that engagement is full of shit. I know you're still angry at me. I hope one day youll be honest with yourself. You're such an amazing woman. Such. a. fucking. waste.
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self.offmychest
|
The feeling of suffocating on your own words It's hard sometimes, when you have a good day, and you don't feel anxious and you feel like you can finally be what people expect you to be. Then, you're out in college after being off for a week and you start to notice everything around you, your palms begin to sweat, your breathing becomes shallow and all you want to do is run. But, you can't, you're legs won't move. Then, you hide, hide in the disabled toilet, anywhere that isn't there. Then, the hyperventilation starts and try and remember the breathing techniques but all you can do it curl up on the floor and try and breathe. All alone. Then you calm down, and somebody asks you, 'What happened? Why did that happen?' and you don't have an explanation because you don't know. When you cycle back from the gym and your boyfriend has to calm you down by the side of the road, because all of a sudden, your suffocating, and you can't explain why. It's like your words are what's choking you, and you can't get them out, because there's nothing to explain. it's a good day, then it's not because you're exhausted, you want to sleep, you want to curl up in a ball and feel nothing, because not long ago you, saw, heard, felt, everything. So you do, then you get up and you carry on, because it's a good day.
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self.Anxiety
|
I emotionally cheated on my husband a decade ago and it's still ruining me I found myself far far away on a foreign exchange program without my serious boyfriend and made a new friend. I thought it would be safe to have a little fun flirting, but it lead to more. I never cheated on my now husband physically, but I confided too much in this new friend. There were private nick names and inside jokes. There were hugs that lasted longer than appropriate. I thought every now and then about what being with him would be like. It's been so long and I can't get him out of my head. I think of him a couple times a week. I haven't spoken to him in many years. I can't separate what a good connection and friendship we had from the fact that what I was doing was wrong. I feel sick with guilt.
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self.offmychest
|
Hate my sister. Recently, we adopted cats and they live in our basement, where my sister also lives. The cats rarely come up because one of our dogs is hyperactive and barks a lot at them, so they generally stay downstairs. My sister hates the cats and I think she's trying to kill them. Today, (10-15 minutes ago) she asked me to go downstairs to clean up cat puke. Okay, sure, I guess she's scared of getting her hands dirty. When I went downstairs, I saw she had lit up Incense sticks right next to the cats' tree furniture thing (not sure what it's called). After cleaning up the puke and unclogging her toilet, I went back upstairs and checked if Incense smoke can give cancer (It can, and is more deadly than cigarette smoke, on top of that, she lit it up in an isolated room. see: [here](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3210400/Could-incense-toxic-cigarette-smoke-burn-sticks-release-compounds-linked-cancer.html))
I went downstairs and asked her to turn it off, but she refused and told me that it was made with herbs and such. I told her that it's made of chemicals that CAN and most likely WILL give the cats cancer. She said she doesn't care and they can die for all she cares.
I dunno what to do, she infuriates me and acts like an entitled rat. Advice is welcomed.
Honestly, I don't care if she gives herself cancer, I told her it gives can give cancer, she told me to fuck off. She willingly did this, so who am I to stop her? The cats, however, have no control over the situation and are being fucked over because of her decisions.
tl:dr; sister lit up incense sticks. it gives cancer. it's right next to cats. she doesn't care, says they can die for all she cares. it's in an isolated room (basement).
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self.offmychest
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Today is my 19th birthday and I'm going to spend it all by myself Today I'm becoming 19 years old and I think no one knows it's my birthday. I have removed my birthday from Facebook and made it so that no one can post on my timeline. These generic birthday wishes don't mean anything to me anyway and I don't want people to feel obligated to take a minute of their time to wish me a happy birthday when we both don't really care anyway. I'm pretty sure my two only close friends will forget about it anyway, and actually I hope they will, since that will only confirm that I'm unimportant and that no one really cares about me. My mom will probably give me a present, although I told her I don't want anything, it always makes me feel so bad and guilty since I'm an awful person not worthy of any presents or of people wanting to spend money on me.
I'm pretty sure disabling the Facebook birthday notifications will make me only feel worse in the end, but at the moment I just want to be left alone and let it pass like any other day. I have to work on my thesis anyway today and I still have a shitload of other work to do for uni, so I don't even have the time to bother. The people I have to work with for my presentation don't do shit so I have been doing everything by myself and I don't get any help from anyone which makes me so anxious because I don't know where to start with all the work I have to do. I did get a free birthday cinema ticket though, so maybe I'll just go watch a movie by myself today, that is if I can get myself to put on any clothes and get over my anxiety of sitting there all by myself.
I don't even really know why I'm writing this here, I just think I wanted to let it off my chest. I feel so pathetic, I'm becoming 19 years old, have achieved nothing in life, don't have any real friends, which is my own fault since I constantly isolate myself and push people away. I'm wasting the best years of my life, years that I'll never get back, and I don't even seem to care. Every time I hope it'll be my last birthday, but still every year I'm kind of proud I made it this far... I'm going to sleep now since it's just after midnight where I live and I'm already dreading waking up in the morning and being confronted with the fact that I've been here for another miserable year.
I'm sorry for wasting anyone's precious time for reading this. I hope you guys all have an awesome day and I truly wish you all the best!
*Hugs*
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self.depression
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My BDD is so bad i can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do, it’s making me want to die. I’ve suffered from BDD for a year now, it started when I lost quite a bit of weight and ever since I have been obsessed over how my body looks. I hate my legs, my hips and my thighs so much. I pinch at them until they’re sore and will spend hours every week just staring at them, trying so hard to convince myself I’m skinny. I hate it. People tell me I am slim and that what I’m seeing isn’t right, but I can’t see myself any other way. I just want to be like the others girls my age, they’re all so thin and tall and look like models, and I’m just here all chubby and short and sad. I’m so jealous of my friends, they’re all so much thinner and taller than me yet talk about how they need to lose weight to fit in their prom dress. It makes me feel ashamed of myself — I feel bad enough because I know I stress my mum out a lot with my condition. She gets nervous and I know she really wants me to like my body. I feel awful that I despise it. Whenever I think about it, all I want to do is curl up and die. I stopped self harming when I was 13; I was bullied when I first went into secondary school, luckily I’ve grown out of that. I was happy for so long and I’ve fallen back flat again. I’m repulsed by myself. I don’t know who else to vent to, I’m sorry if this was tedious or didn’t make sense.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It’s been a long week,someone to listen would be nice (Mobile sorry for format and any grammatical errors)It’s been a long week because of a lot of things I feel like I’m losing touch with my best friend who I’ve had for so long and has helped me through so much and is all around a great guy. I don’t know if it’s that or something else but I just feel super alone and there’s no one I have to connect to I have friends I’m sure would listen and care but I just don’t feel comfortable with them and although that’s likely an issue I need to resolve it makes me feel super isolated and alone when I’m not at school. I find myself wanting to make new friends and expand the amount of people I talk to but feeling like I lack the social prowess to actually make a friendship with someone.Also this week while with my therapist he told me I have body dysmorphia in the sense that in my current state I will always see myself as not enough to what I feel is adequate. Which really sank in deep cause I know he’s right but I don’t want to admit it because I don’t know what to do about. I think it mostly stems from the fact I have a scar that runs across my stomach from cancer and I want to draw attention away from that but all the work I’ve done has felt futile. Well thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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Would a mixed episode feel like an extra long anxiety attack?? Clarification: I have been RAPID CYCLING for about two months now, which I have never experienced before.
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self.bipolar
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Politics are killing me I've mostly stopped reading the news because everything is so depressing every single day, and reading about every awful thing this administration does causes my anxiety to go through the roof. I'm now in bed in tears because I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a news story about another horrendous plan to hurt people's lives. I can't handle it. The next 3 years are going to be the death of me.
I apologize if this post has offended anyone because of my political views, but I just had to rant somewhere.
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self.Anxiety
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Whenever I really hate myself for feeling so exhausted and unaccomplished some days, I just remember Hitler. Sometimes simply getting things done is incredibly overrated. Like Hitler. He did a hell of a lot, but don’t we all wish he would have just stayed home and gotten stoned? It's a thought exercise.
If I simply imagine a world where the black and white thinking and absolutism I fall into while depressed actually applies, I can usually find some humor pretty quickly, and take the first step toward climbing out of it.
It's still depressing as hell, life's unfair, but in the end I've always preferred depressed people. I think they're a hell of a lot funnier than most.
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self.depression
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Fed Up Is it even worth trying? I can't even do anything right anyway, and I can't find joy in anything I do anymore. I'm not going to bother reiterating everything in this post, if you feel like reading walls of text just look at my post history. Maybe then you'll understand why I need to do this.
I've lost my mind, and I can't keep going anymore. I'm just sick of the false hope, all the rejection and failure. No one wants me around anyway, I don't have friends, a girlfriend, or a job worth having. Really, the only thing I truly want is the latter, as I gave up caring about the other two things years ago. Fuck having friends, and women don't want me anyway so there's no point in pursuing a relationship. At least with a job, I could afford to support my hobbies, but I can't even have that so I can't even have the tiniest morsel of happiness. That's not a life worth living.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Cycling comorbidities DAE have comorbid conditions like an eating disorder, ADHD, OCD etc... which decides to become more apparent between mood episodes of bipolar?
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self.bipolar
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Not looking forward to tomorrow I used to love Christmas a lot. But as the years have gone by and I started to realize how depressed I am, I've come to like it less every year. It gets old looking at all your friends having a warm home with loving family and boyfriends/girlfriends to spend the holidays with. I don't have that luxury. All I get to look forward to is spending another long and miserable day with people I absolutely despise: an abusive father who has MS and curses any and all gods for his illness; a mom who's addicted to pain medication and is non-functioning without it; and me, who has to spend the day cleaning up after their messes and basically playing the role of marriage counselor at the same time.
BUT WAIT IT GETS BETTER. I least in years past I had something to look forward to opening on Christmas morning. Now I won't even have that. None of us could afford Christmas this year, which in my mind is the first of what will be many Christmases like it. Everyone I know will be talking about what awesome gifts and signs of appreciation they've received from their loved ones, and yet I feel like I can't even say anything about being so poor that Christmas is likely never going to happen again, because then I'd be seen as selfish.
I already know Stalin (the paternal unit) and mom are going to fight tomorrow. I'm just going to leave. Go walk around the middle of the woods. Maybe I'll take my phone, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll find my way back, maybe I won't. I have no family to spend the day with. All of my friends are online-only; I don't have any irl friends. This year has been nothing less than the worst of my life, and quite honestly it wouldn't surprise me if in 2018 I become homeless, or dead. That's how bad it's gotten. And what better way for 2017 to kick me in the groin one final time than to take away what should be the happiest, most peaceful day of the year.
I'm sorry if I'm ranting. This has been weighing on my mind a lot, and I haven't been able to tell anyone about it.
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self.offmychest
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Saw this quote on instagram Bipolar has had me obsessed with binary states and trying to figure out why we force our world into either/ors so much. When I was first manic to the point of psychosis I became very obsessed with the number 2 and couldn't help but feel there was something cosmic about leaving with a bipolar instead of unipolar diagnosis. I was obsessed with choosing zero or infinity as the number I believed in and the only thing my brain could say in response was 2: it's both. Stigmas about contradictory behavior have always affected me and we tell people they can't be both happy and sad at the same time. Maybe my mixed state ppl will get this? Idk if anyone is familiar with Zackary Drucker, but she really got at my little theory with this gem:
"Way into the future I see the dissolution of binary thinking. This is the basis of postmodern theory. This is the basis of all Eastern philosophies. This is the basis of quantum mechanics. Relativity. Nondualism. The acknowledgement that things are unpredictable, that things are going to change. Gender is a continuum. Identity is a continuum. And that, I think, is the future, not only of gender, but of the world."
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self.bipolar
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I cried. I was listening to a Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley, and I was so moved by the emotion he put into his music that I started crying. This was the first time I've been moved by a song. Then, I started crying more, but I was smiling. I've been taking medication (Brintellix, 10mg nightly) ever since 25th October, and I've been noticing gradual improvements in my mood and energy level.
I feel like I can now focus more on what I want out of my life, to create the life that I want to live. I am grateful for what I have been given. My depression is still here, but it is more manageable now. Maybe it'll never go away, and that is okay.
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self.depression
|
In Case You Need a Laugh I'm putting the TLDR first because it's the funny part: That awkward moment when your boyfriend asks to use your phone to Google something and you hand it to him as the internet is opening and realize the last page you had open was porn.
I was having dinner with my boyfriend and his phone wasn't losfong a photo he wanted to show me. He asked if he could use mine so I unlocked it and handed it to him forgetting that the last thing I had googled was....porn. We are not there in our relationship yet and I flipped my phone back towards me so fast I tweaked my wrist, but it was ttttooooo late. I closed the tab and handed it back to him expecting an awkward look or comment or something just...weird. Bear in mind I was in an an abusive marriage before so negative is my go to as far as reactions. All he said was 'just so you know things like that don't bother me' and it wasn't mentioned again.
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self.bipolar
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Not feeling Like I'm Enough I have been so very anxious lately. It's causing me to lose my appetite and feel nauseous, my number one symptoms.
I'm so afraid because I don't want to lose weight. After getting out of an abusive relationship, I only weighed 86 pounds (5'2" 21 yr old F). In the past year, I have gained 10 pounds thanks to therapy and medication. I'm still very unhappy with my weight and hate being so skinny. It makes me feel like I'm not worth anything and that no one will ever want me.
I'm finally talking to someone new and it scares me to death. I feel worse when I'm around him even though I like him.
I also have a history of IBS and that seems to be flaring as well. So much bloating, causing pain all over my body.
What would help? I just can't see an end to this cycle of anxiety and depression.
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self.Anxiety
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Coming off Effexor/Venlafaxine Hi everyone,
Let's get straight to the point.
I've been on Venlafaxine 150 mg daily for about a year and a half now. I've gone up to 3 days without taking my doses before, but never was determined to get off it, I'm just awful for remembering.
I've talked to my therapist and everyone close to me (family, friends, significant other, many of whom are quite educated on the topic and the drug, and all that) and I believe I'm ready to be off this awful drug. My depression and anxiety have seen so much improvement, I'm in a good place financially and mentally and in my jobs, whatever.
I'm on day 6 now, without having taken my doses in the past 5 days, and I'm only now feeling the usual nausea and dizziness. No brain zaps so far, barely any confusion.
I'm sleeping amazing, sex is fantastic (and Effexor never even effected my libido, but in the past 5 days WOW), im eating again, which I've had issues with for the entirety of the time I've been taking this antidepressant, and I'm not manic, but I'm happier now that the 3 days of irritated mood swings are gone....
But reading everywhere that cold turkey is the worst way to go. I'm starting to worry I won't be able to work if I don't continue my doses.
I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to lower my dose 75mg daily, I hope. It's Friday now, and I have a shift to work tomorrow during the day. Recommendations?
I have Gravol and multivitamins at my disposal, but I could also just take my 150 dose... What does everyone think?
(Please excuse the possible haste of this post, I didn't get a chance to re-read before posting)
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self.depression
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I’m out of hope. I feel so bad. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless now. I managed to talk to the girl I like a lot but she said she’s not ready for a relationship and basically made it sound like she doesn’t want me anymore.
I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can survive another disappointment.
I also have nobody to talk to about this. So yay.
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self.depression
|
Lonely, sad, looking for someone to talk to I’m really sick right now and pretty much just depressed like i usually am in the middle of the night. I’m up pretty late and I’m just looking for some other people who understand and would be willing to keep me company until I pass out from exhaustion
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just realized that I had depression and social anxiety for two years... Shit.
|
self.depression
|
College This is my first post and all but I just have to get this off my chest. I feel bad turning to the internet before my family since I know that they love me and always want to help but I just can't... It is my first semester of college and I am an engineering undecided student at a great university and everything started out great but things have been slipping lately. I currently have two essays due in less than five days that I have not even started and a bunch of finals coming up that I have not even studied for. My motivation is nonexistent. All I want to do is draw comic books all day and just do art but I know I should be working. On top of that I have gotten out of shape which really is messing with me psychologically (growing up I was very chubby but then in the middle of high school I decided to get in shape and get into body building. I got into very good shape and finally had a body that I was proud of but now in a couple of months it is all gone and I have love handles and little muscle mass) and is just adding self esteem/body image issues to my deep depression. Lately I've been daydreaming of dropping out of engineering and doing art which is what has always been my passion, but I know that it is a financially stupid decision. Right now I am just in a horrible place where I don't care about my classes or have motivation to do work but still have the anxiety of failing/doing bad and wasting my parents money and wasting my time. I just really want to do art... I know I'm not fit for engineering but it just makes sense in terms of money. All of my class-mates seem to be smarter than me and I'm in remedial math and all of my engineering friends tell me they like the math and the work and it doesn't feel like too much of a chore for them but I despise math and chemistry and to do well in them I have to work so hard but they don't interest me so I have no motivation. I'm at least getting somewhat back on track with my eating and exercise but I just keep spiraling deeper and deeper into this dark place continually thinking about how on this current path I'll either flunk or never be happy and never get to do what I really want to. I've put some serious work into writing my will and each day I continue searching for ways to end my life but minimize the cost and damages to my loved ones. Suicide is just a pretty fantasy for me right now though just like my dream of being a professional artist (which I'm actually very good at by the way, not tooting my own horn though). I just need help.
|
self.depression
|
How are you feeling today? Nothing special here. You can vent, cheer, celebrate or whatever. I've been feeling quite good. My hands stopped trembling after we lowered my dosage of Deprakine. I've been having some anxiety here and there. At least I am hopeful for the future even though I'm unemployed at the moment. How about you?
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self.bipolar
|
Its time to say goodbye. I've had enough ADHD has ruined my life, and i keep trying my hand at academics even though i am grossly unsuited for it. For days on end, i simply gaze at my notes, unable to process anything written in them. My parents have refused to help me, not that it should matter, as i am almost 26, but thanks to the pathetic shell of a person i am, i am not financially self-sufficient, being a Masters student at this age.
I am done with life. I feel that i deserve better than to tear myself into bits each night. I did not ask to be born or to be put into this miserable situation. And therefore, i think that i have every right to end it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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