text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Those God dang mother F-ing camel crickets man! Scared the shit out of me
|
self.offmychest
|
Fuck. I’m on the verge of panic attack re: work [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can't believe how hard it is to lose a pet. So I had to put down my 16-year-old cat today. He was recently diagnosed with diabetes, but I think he had cancer that underpinned the diabetes. He lost so much weight and grew too weak to eat or drink. Even though I know it was right to put him down, I lost it when he finally died. Looked like a complete pussy in front of the vet crying my eyes out. Not ashamed to say I loved him a lot, though.
I think part of the problem is that losing him (Blue) opened up a can of existential worms. He was part of my life for so long, and now he's just... gone. What kind of life is this where everything you love and care about just ceases to exist and is gone forever?
Just had to get this out; I have very few people to talk to IRL. Thanks
|
self.depression
|
I just learned that I have severe anxiety and I’m scared that it’s going to destroy my entire life! I didn’t make the connection of anxiety. I’ve never felt comfortable talking about my feelings with other people due to the fact that I never saw people going through the same emotions and feelings as me (fiends and family.) I never wanted to bog anyone down by bitching to them or at least I thought it would come off as bitching. I also recently learned that anxiety runs in my family on my moms side and my dads side. My grandfather on my dads side has been hospitalized for an anxiety attack and my dad has also talked to his doctor about anxiety. I didn’t know that my family had a history of anxiety, had I known I would’ve spoken with someone. At this point I don’t know how to bring it up to anyone, I want to learn how to try and control it a little bit better before I bring it up. I’ve taken a few anxiety quizzes (I’m not sure how accurate they are but I have nowhere else to turn) and on every test I’ve received the same result of extreme anxiety. I don’t want this to ruin my life and lately it definitely feels like it has the potential to do so. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this jumbled mess and leave a reply :)! Sorry for not breaking paragraphs I’m on my phone and I just want to get this out!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m fed up of never taking chances in my life. I’ve decided to quit my job, and afterwards tell my co-worker and best friend how I really feel [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Getting bored It’s December-24-2017 I am 14 and live in the US. I’m sitting alone in my room and I’m sick and tired of this. I’ve lived 2+ years with depression and anger problems. I haven’t really had a particularly terrible or hard life I am just tired of my repetitive life style I’ve been forced upon. I have no special skills and I’m sure my parents life’s and everyone’s life’s would have been better off if I wasn’t born. I have terrible grades and am beginning to not care about anything or anyone. I’ve been playing video games for just about all my life and even that is getting boring. Nothing seems to make me happy and every morning I dread getting up almost as if everyday was a Monday or a school day. My parents seem to get unhappier and Unhappier every day. As a matter of fact I can hear them fighting right now. I haven’t cut myself or anything but I’ve been thinking about “leaving” for 6 months now. No matter how much/or how little I sleep I am constantly tired and am ridiculously restless at the same time. I’m honestly just tired of my life and everything around it I don’t find anything fun and I really just wanna end it I don’t see a point in living. I’ll probably post every 2-3 days or until I figure out the day I’ll kill myself. All I know is that day is nearer than I thought. I don’t want this post to get to much attention I’m just to afraid to tell anyone besides the internet
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like despite deciding not to kill myself a piece of me died. I had planned on a nice last day by a lake and then killing myself this New Years Eve. I ended up deciding not to, but it feels like a part of me still went. I can barely get motivated to leave bed and I feel numb.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die alone I'm a 22 year old dude and I haven't been in a relationship since I was 16. I struggled a lot with anxiety in high school and basically spent two years as a shut-in. I almost didn't graduate, but I ended up making it and now I'm in college with a pretty good GPA. I also struggled with my weight but I've lost 140 lbs in the past year.
I just feel like I stunted myself emotionally. I'm super introverted and if I have to hang out with someone for more than a few hours I get really tired and I just want to be alone. I also live in a smallish town in the Midwest, so finding girls who share hobbies with me (I'm into nerdy shit and art which probably doesn't help) is basically impossible. There's a room at my college where people hang out, but it's always filled with screaming people so I avoid it like the plague
I've thought about going on Tinder, and I downloaded it but I didn't want to sign up for it with Facebook and I'm also not super interested in hookups.
I'm not bitter towards women like a lot of dudes in my situation get. I'm 100% aware that I am not entitled to a relationship, and I'm fine with that. I'm just sure how I can even meet people at this stage in my life.
|
self.offmychest
|
This is it. I finally am ready to just fully kill myself. I can’t do it anymore. Nobody is on my side. My family hates me and I have no friends. Just now I spilled a lot of tea on the carpet/couch and I felt so bad. And then my grandmother made me feel like absolute shit. In her words “you make me feel like an idiot, so I should do the same to you.” I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been a year self-harm free and this time I’m just going to cut until I bleed out. I’m over it. Nobody wants or needs me. I’m better off dead. Thank you to anyone that reads this and just listens to my rant. I’m just so worthless and everyone hates me. Goodbye.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm almost done with college and I feel like I screwed up my entire social life by going to a school that wasn't good for me I went to a small religious expensive university mostly attended by upper middle class white people. I'm in that group of people as well but I'm weird and neruodivergent and it feels like the vast majority of people here are as normal and neruotypical as can be. This was a big change from going to a medium sized diverse public high school and I think I regret doing it. I was friends with my roommates during my first couple of years, but I had a falling out with them when they started doing borderline bullying stuff (I don't really feel like getting into it now, if you're really curious you can ask in the comments, I don't feel bad about talking about it but that's not what this is about). I lived in a single apartment for the next three years and then started commuting this last year. I joined a gaming club year 3, but stopped going to most of their meetings when I realized most people there didn't like having me around because I was awkward and actually not very good at most video games (despite the fact that I love playing them). The university outright lacks clubs for other subjects that interest me like anime/animation and socialism. Additionally the university has a huge party culture and I'm straight edge and dislike being around people when they're drunk/high, I suppose this would be a problem no matter where I went but the bigger universities probably have small social groups for people like me but this university is so small that there isn't a strong presence of non-drinkers. Additionally while I'm religious I've found my faith hasn't been as strong recently, especially in the current sociopolitical climate so I never felt compelled to go to church or anything. No one in my classes talks to me or sits next to me, it feels like everyone avoids me. The university as a whole is pretty extroverted and a lot of times I feel like the only one walking alone, especially since I'm now commuting at what isn't much of a commuter school. I also struggled with my coursework for a large portion of time here, I eventually got my shit together but my GPA suffered. Whenever it comes up that I've been here for six years I always get weird looks because the vast, vast majority of people graduate within four years here (due to the high tuition costs).
Maybe I'm wrong, and I would have had trouble making friends regardless of the college I went to because of my personal problems (btw if you have an opinion on this please comment on it lol, I've been trying to figure out whether or not this is actually the case and I'm really unsure, but I didn't want to make this into a question about that because there's really no way for anyone reading this to know). But one time I went to a hangout that my friend who goes to the local public university hosted (yeah he's like my one friend, but he's really busy and I see him like 2-4 times a year) and I seemed to get along with people there better, granted none of them asked for my contact information so I'm not in touch with any of those people. Additionally there's a public university about an hour away and the crowd that goes there seems to be more my bag, whenever I meet people on gaming sites or Tumblr who live relatively close to me they always seem to be students there. Additionally I tried OKCupid earlier this year and when I set my search range to be bigger I got a bunch of matches from there. I know these aren't very strong metrics but I can't help but feel I would be happier if I went to one of these schools, I applied to both and got into both but decided to go to this one because it was closer to my house, slightly higher on college rankings, and my religious parents REALLY wanted me to go here.
Now I feel like I missed what are arguably the most crucial 5ish years of adult social development. I also cut almost all of my high school friends out of my life and don't have Facebook or social media so there's no way for me to get into contact with them again. I'm not a very social person but I wish I had at least a couple friends. The way I am now it feels like there's no point to anything, no point to moving out of my parents' house or getting a good job because all it'll lead to is me having more money to spend on shit I don't actually really need. Making friends after college seems really, really hard, and it's pretty much just luck of the draw regarding whether or not your coworkers at whatever job you work are friends with you. Beyond that it seems like you really have to put in a lot of effort and I don't know if I will. Also I don't want to make this too "tfw no gf," because god knows there are enough of those types of posts on the internet, but the older I get the more and more realistic it starts to seem that I'll never have a romantic/sexual partner ever and that just really does genuinely make me sad because the idea of being in love with someone is really really appealing to me and lucid dreams I've had where I'm just cuddling with a girlfriend who genuinely cares about me and says really nice things to me are some of the happiest moments I've had.
So yeah, sorry if this is unfocused or hard to read, this is r/offmychest so I figured I could do that, but ask any questions necessary or whatever. Thanks for reading!
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate how because my humor isn't popular, it's viewed as 'edgy', not how I actually feel. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My Downfall Hello, everyone. I am 19 years old and will be 20 in less than 2 weeks. I have hit rock bottom. Let me start from the beginning. I lost a lot of weight back in 2016. 60 pounds to be exact. However, for the past few months, I have developed a terrible eating habit. I will barely have any sort of intake for 2-3 days, then splurge on the 4th day. This has had a huge impact on my personality and how I regularly perceive things. My perspective has minimized in terms of positivity. I am very pessimistic. This anxiety has grown tremendously as time has progressed. I am a young man, so I have undergone several trials of adversity. I know this is natural, but I have a hard time accepting these circumstances. I don't really have a solid relationship with anyone in my family. My grandmother disowned me back in September simply because she has always preferred my 2 cousins over me. My mother and step father (who was a lot like a dad to me) got a divorce nearly one year ago. He turned into a drunk and I no longer keep in contact with him. I have a decent relationship with my parents, but neither bond is that meaningful. I don't have a romantic life. Relationships aren't a necessity at my age, but it'd be nice to have a serious one from time to time. Basically, what I'm trying to get at, is that I'm extremely fucked up mentally. I am never consistent. There are always multiple setbacks within a short period of time. I'm no one's favorite person. Everyone either replaces or overlooks me. I know I'm not the center of the universe, but I just wish someone would see something distinctively special in me. I don't know what to do or how to overcome this. I've tried accepting these challenges & remaining poised, I really have. But, I always experience downfalls. How could anyone love a mess like me? I really feel like my time here should be done. If I killed myself tonight, would the world be any different tomorrow? No, it wouldn't. The people who claim to love me always replace me or end up forgetting about me. I'm worthless.
|
self.depression
|
Being with someone 20 years younger than me [56M] I met this amazing woman through A Foreign Affair’s singles tour in Cartagena, Colombia… she’s 20 years younger than me and I never thought I’d get a chance with her. I somehow got lucky. The age difference is somehow unsettling, I’m not going to lie about it… I have 2 daughters; the eldest is the same age as her and the other is younger by 3 years. They know all about my adventure to Colombia (what kind of travel it was) and they know that I did find someone. But, I have never told them about her age... I could really use some advice on how to let them know about the age of the woman I’m dating. Thanks.
|
self.offmychest
|
Why does everyone gotta be someone? Can't a person just do things without always having to be someone? Shouldn't have to constantly prove your worth to get by in life. Seems unreasonable to determine a person's worth as opposed to how well known or likable they are.
|
self.offmychest
|
Psychologist tells me “you’ll be fine” and I’m not feeling it [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
When you think everything is better than ever and then depression just kicks in reminding that i am truly just a garbage. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
What can people even do to help me? Fucking nothing. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Life is stressing me out I don't know where to begin but I just hope someone has felt the same or can give me some advice!
For the past 7 months or so I've been feeling very anxious but by day it only gets worse. For me this is something I'm sure I've had for awhile but it's only just building up now with the mix of depression.
I literally can't keep a job. I'm always blaming the job it's self but inside I know it's me. It's like I don't want one, and I get to anxious to even show up to an interview. Like today I had one for babysitting and I want to ring up and say I can't take it because it makes me so nervous having to work.
Life in general is just so hard for me, I can't make my own decisions because every time I do my mum thinks it's wrong. Or she is the one controlling my life basically. She's the one who makes me do things I don't want to do and I think that's a reason why I get so anxious.
Life shouldn't be easy but it also shouldn't be this hard and I just feel like I'm going no where and have no motivation to do anything.
Even at the store today I went to buy an inflatble water toy and I wanted the big one but the lady was basically convincing me other wise so I get all anxious and felt like she'd judge me so I ended up going with what she said.
Everything is just stressing me out and it's hard to speak to my family because they don't understand. I've been to a psychologist a few weeks ago but even then she didn't really listen to what I was trying to say.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Without Hope, Hopeless My situation keeps getting worse and worse and theres literally nothing I can do, but stop it. Like for the past forever or so Ive been a CD stuck and stammering on the spot and I have always been the type to pull the bandaid off. When is enough, enough, you know?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anxiety kill your motivation? Been feeling better lately after a several month long stint of nearly constant anxiety all day every day.. I noticed my motivation had started slowly coming back, but then today had a small attack and immediately after was back to having ZERO motivation.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Do you ever feel like you're never gonna be able to love someone? I'm an 18 year old female and have never been in a relationship. Also, I've never gone past any physical besides kissing. Anytime a guy is interested in me I immediately find a reason to not go for it. Or even if I do go on a date with a guy I'll have a panic attack in the middle of it (actually did happen, had a mini panic attack in the bathroom of a movie theater). I do want to be in an emotional/physical relationship, but it seems like my mind won't let me. My friend recently told me I always say I'm feeling "pretty ok", which is pretty accurate to how I feel all the time. Any time I feel anything more than "pretty ok" I freak out. Emotions make me feel out of control and I hate feeling out of control. I just don't know what to do. I know I rambled a lot, but you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Im going to end it tonight, im drunk anyways. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
psychiatrist just prescribed quetiapin as a sleep aid and i am a bit scared + skeptical. help? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Got 1% for exam paper. Wrote bush did 9/11 Question - Am I Bipolar? Thanks for reading 🅱️🅱️
Felt hitler vibes, cos he was bipolar...
Now I am so confused why I wrote what I wrote, as now I feel different. Like I have two personalities and was in at extreme high when I did the paper.
Mind was distorted, thoughts all over the place. Well when I say thoughts all over the place. The bipolar disorder was evident (even though I haven't been diagnosed) My mind goes in and out of a fantasy world which varies my mood and therefore sometimes I properly answer the question to the point and on the other hand I decorate the exam paper with my political pet peeves. Like saying bush did 9/11, Donald Trump 2020, Obama care sucks... Well it's was sarcasm that I said Donald trump 2020...
Anyways, would you consider this a serious case of bipolar? Do I need to get help? DO You think I'll eventually get out of control?
I have fixed by problem of random shit writing in exams by actually studying.
I wanna know if any of you have cases of bipolar and that you are afraid if it makes you break the law or have no thought of morals and ethics.
My case is writing a derogatory style online and shockingly on a exam paper...
How do I help myself? Any books to recommend?
|
self.bipolar
|
I officially have no friends I'm a 21 yr old m in college. The other night my roommates came back from the bars and since my door was locked and I was pretending to be asleep, they proceeded to talk shit about me. My room is next to the living room so I overheard everything.
It was pretty bad. Lately I've been a little more withdrawn than usual and know that I'm kind of the outsider of the group, but I didn't know they felt this way about me. One of them said that he *hated* me, couldn't stand being around me and that I don't care about anyone but myself. They all agreed and talked about how our other, larger group of friends don't like me at all, and I'm no fun to be around. They tore into me, making fun of pretty much everything I am.
It really hurt my feelings. I've been avoiding going back to my house until very late at night just so I don't run into anyone. I have to live there for another semester and don't know what to do. Sigh. Could use a hug right about now.
|
self.depression
|
Bye Maddie I hope you never see this. But if you do then you'll know just how much you hurt me. It started last December. We were so close. I told you everything. You told me everything. You told me about your mental health issues when you were embarrassed to tell anyone else. And i respected it. I got feelings for you and you got feelings for me. But something happened. Distance. We stayed strong. But said to stay friends until I could get closer. But now fast forward you're dating someone who lives farther than you then I do. You never talk to me anymore. We don't play games anymore. We don't FaceTime anymore. I always have to text to you first. I'm tired of this pain. I loved you. You were the first girl I've ever loved. You were the first person I've ever loved. But You don't care. You just wanna skip around doing what's best for your online career. Well I'm drained finally. I can't handle this anymore. I can't help but resent you. Please understand. I treated you like a queen and you still blew me aside. And I'm done. Call it what you want, but I call it moving on. Im done. I love you Maddie and you will always be a part of me, but I cannot forgive you. Goodbye. I love you. I love you I love you I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I hope whatever you see in him makes you happier than I did
|
self.offmychest
|
DAE have panic attacks while exercising? I am so busy lately. It often feels like it is the only time of the week where I sit and think. And it leads me to having full-blown panic attacks. Exercise is not fun for me, it feels like torture for me. I am scared of going now. But it could help me with the anxiety, right? But how? I am getting more and more scared...
|
self.Anxiety
|
I Wrote My Note Tonight Like the title says, I wrote my note tonight. Strangely I feel at peace about it. I guess all that’s left is to actually do it. I haven’t really settled on a way yet, but the ideas are there.
Every day I continue on is like a living nightmare. I just want to end the pain and be at peace. The worst part of it all is that I understand it’s selfish to kill myself and I just don’t care. I understand most the psychological background that got me to where I am right now. None of it does me any good in getting myself out. I’d rather just end it now than continue trudging through the motions and pretending to be okay.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Wellbutrin XL and Lexapro side effects Hey all,
I've been on Lexapro (generic) for a couple years now, no issues. Currently 20mg dropping to 15mg tomorrow.
This week I started Wellbutrin XL (generic) at 150mg. I feel good, little wired, but not bad.
I'm concerned with the possibility of seizures. I've brought this up to my doctor, waiting on a response, but I figured I'd get more opinions.
I have no history of seizures, no plans to go above 150mg.
Any thoughts, am I worried for nothing?
Thanks!
|
self.depression
|
im 13 and so fucking lonely and ive lost all hope dudes im so fucking lonely i hate it.
I had so many friends in year 6 and they just have neglected me ever since. I go to a really shit high school, and i fucking hate it. All the people there are so brain dead and i have gotten nothing out of my time there.
I never get invited to do anything and my family really dislikes me.
i want to do shit but i never have the drive or opportunity to do anything.
I just feel sick sitting here doing nothing all day
|
self.depression
|
Nobody cares anymore I used to have friends who would console me, but I didn't know how to do that properly and now they don't care because it's too draining to speak to me
Asking me how I'm feeling is like kicking a fucking hornet's nest
|
self.depression
|
My friend is always disappearing Can someone explain this to me? She has depression, last year I stop talking to her because of how much she hurted me back then, then we start talking just sometimes. But eventually she tried to commit suicide, and I was so worried that we began talking all day again. I really really like her, but she's always doing this to me, she's now taking medicine for her depression, I thought she would get better, we even talked about the fact that she hurts me alot when she decides to not talk at all... Everything was fine on thuesday, she didn't talk at all on Wednesday, didn't reply to anything. Im worried that something happen, but also pissed that she's doing this again to me... I have anxiety, and all this makes me feel so bad... Pls give me some advice. I just want to understand what goes on her mind to do this, I really love her and don't want to lose her as a friend, but sometimes I think that maybe I should have never come back to her..
|
self.depression
|
I hate where I live now and I'm homesick [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
EMDR therapy in an hour (more of a vent) I told my therapist via text last week that I'm sick of talking and want to get going on the EMDR again. She's excited lol
She wanted me to go to the place of the incident we're working on today but I haven't and I won't now that therapy is in an hour.
I feel like I'm making no effort. And no, it's not depression, it is sheer laziness. I know exactly how much sleep I need but I keep putting myself in a spot where I get too much or too little. I know stretching is vital but do I do it? Nope. I've been obsessing over being liked by people I don't even like.
And I don't want to go to therapy at all. Talk or EMDR. I'm sick of constantly having problems with myself I have to solve. I had such a fantastic time when I first got on lamictical. Shit was easy. And we did go up a tab for OCD thoughts but I don't think any more is necessary. What's necessary is for me to stop being such a lard ass.
|
self.bipolar
|
hate life. lost my job. About To Be Homeless. going to lose custody of my kid. I've posted a lot of times about how awesome my boss was and how great my job is. When my ex first left, I thought I could figure things out on my own. I made the money but she was my reminder to pay the bills on time. She helped me a lot for a while. we went from living in a motel on dixie to renting a 3/1 with a yard. Her encouragement and our now 4 year old daughter's mere existence gave me what I needed to succeed professionally.
Eventually the lights go out and im looking at an eviction notice with 1400 in my bank.. i just forgot to pay.
The next month came. Eviction notice. Only this time I had no money saved for rent. People think im on drugs but i just dont budget properly and have no sense of time. After all bills are paid, I had maybe 300 bucks left. Unless my kid gets lice and needs a professional treatment to go back to school.. and then she needs clothes.. And you are now broke.
i texted my boss and let him know that my disabilities make it hard to live on my own. He came in, paid my rent and offered to manage my money. I agreed. Then he made me go to therapy, 4 times a month on my dime. I told him I couldnt afford this 400 a month and he told me we will figure it out. Dont worry. Then he lent me 6k to get a new motorcycle. I would have gotten a car but didnt want to burden him with the insurance he promised to pay for life. here in florida you dont need insurance on a bike and there is uber to get my kid around. Well, the fucking engine on that literally exploded at 35mph a few weeks ago.
Unfortunately, my ex moves some 30 minutes away without telling me. Then, she tells me she is transferring our daughter to the school there and i immediately refuse because i cant afford the uber fees there and back. 50 a day, 3 days a week. She does so anyway and I continue using uber. I was just waiting for our trial date on the 10th.
The ex tells me she needs money for another lice treatment and i think it's bogus at this point. I have no choice but to ask my boss for money out of my "account". He says im broke and wont advance me my next paycheck. I have no money for chanukah gifts for my daughter and also need to buy her strep throat meds... wtf I kind of flipped out and tried telling him Id have money if he hadn't made me go to therapy and he hit me with an 1800.00 uber bill and said the loan just keeps going up. How will I get this money back?! I actually had a way and offered but he wouldn't hear it. I was fired.. 80k a year to 0. No savings. -1k in my personal bank..
This same guy, my boss, made me choose between my job and reporting an assault back in september. He refused to even watch the surveillance tapes...took heresay for truth and formed a bad opinion of me from then on.
Everyone is telling me to sue but I can't afford a lawyer. I don't have a leg to stand on in my custody case now. And in about 10 days ill be out of meds and have no way to refill. If i even remember to make it to court on the 10th, and find a way there on time, i doubt ill be in any mental shape to go through the trial not even 2 weeks off of everything cold turkey
|
self.bipolar
|
Latuda and OTC painkillers? What painkillers can I safely use while taking 20mg of Latuda a day? I usually take ibuprofen or aleve; are either of those safe?
|
self.bipolar
|
I went to a party tonight And somehow I got so many compliments. One person even did a double take and said "[dressdinblack] is that you?!?.. damn, I see you."
When I'm out with my friends I'm not usually the one who receives compliments, but so many people liked the way I looked tonight and ... I'm sooo happy. I can't explain it. It's a new feeling.
|
self.offmychest
|
Should i call CPS? The police? Should i go to a residential? My parents are breaking my heart. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I took the first step. Hey Guys I’ve realized my life was being controlled by my aniexty few years ago. It got the point where I was afraid to be me around my family. Today I decided to get professional help and I feel better. No longer feel trapped. It’s still there but, I feel like me again. I know it’s hard but, reach out for help it will be worth it!
|
self.Anxiety
|
How can I help myself without other people's help? Before I try to hang myself god knows where, I at lest want to try to help myself.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Depression and Alcohol Honestly I have no Idea how to cope with negative feelings,I drink when I'm feeling down and that happens a lot. I either drink or do drugs. I don't know how to cope with my emotions and It's extremely hard for me to open up to people because I don't want to be a burden to anyone but I know that bottling up all off my emotions is not healthy either...I do have some friends but they live far away from me and I don't really have any friends near me and I really don't know how to find friends irl?It's so much easier online.
I had terrible grades,I don't have a job and I have no Idea what to do with my life,my parents constantly tell me how much off a disappointment I am. The only person who really cares about me is my boyfriend which of course is good but I find myself slowly obsessing over him and being too clingy..
Also I have no sleep schedule at all and I either sleep 2 or 12 hours.
I just feel really alone,this is my first time posting here and I thought it might help to put my thoughts out here,sorry for possible grammar mistakes since English is not my native language.
|
self.depression
|
Share Your Victories Large & Small Weekly Post - 2018-02-15 As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the "little" or "normal" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.
This weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.
---
**Come chat with us!**
That's right /r/Anxiety is on both [IRC](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/#anxiety) and [Discord](https://discord.gg/anxiety) were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello!
-----
| [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [Types](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [Community Map](https://redd.it/5ff4bn) |
|-------------------------------------|-------------------------------------|--------------------------------|
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m taking over my family’s fast food restaurant. I’ve worked behind the counter for nearly 15 years. Why do people give me shit when I tell them my life goal is to spend as little time as possible in the actual business? [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Planning on taking my life by the end of this week. Why? Well, honestly I don't want to be here anymore. I wanted to take my life last week but then I thought of my siblings and how devastated they would be, so I didn't but then come today, it's just been so shit that I'm not bothered to make an effort for life. Future isn't looking great and I have 0 aspirations. Also, another reason is because I want to know what's on the other side, call it seriously morbid curiosity but for some reason Death and beyond has never frightened me, just always intrigued me. These aren't the only reasons why I want to die but I'm not here to write an auto-biography or whatever, haha.
Come Sunday, this is it for me lads.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Too late or not I’ve read a lot of posts on here recently just to see what people have to say and everything. Maybe I could read someone’s story and it would help. It doesn’t hurt to try I guess. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about since I was 14 or 15. I’m 28 now and it doesn’t seem like it stops or get easier. I’ve always made “jokes” about how I would die by 27 or I would do it myself. Last year was a really difficult year for me. I thought maybe if I pushed past 27 that I would be able to get past it. Maybe I had put it all in my mind by saying it so much but 28 hasn’t changed a single thing. I have known for a while how I would do it. I wouldn’t want my body to me fucked up because I know my family would want an open casket. An exit bag is the best way to go. My friends would at least know I wouldn’t suffer too much then. I don’t know why I would care so much about this though. My whole life I haven’t felt apart of my family. Like an outsider or that I just don’t belong. Every choice I have made in my life has been met with so much scrutiny. I told them I was joining the army and it was just turned into how I shouldn’t and that I was making a mistake. Then when I was leaving in a month they all changed their minds to be “supportive”. Too little too late. Don’t try to tell me you support me after months of getting ready and telling me that this is a mistake. When my grandpa died last year, the day he died, we were sitting at the house and they were talking about my cousin going to college. My uncle says, “you got to go to college, you don’t want to throw your life away like ****.” (Not putting my name on here) Oh thanks for saying I threw my life away while you still live with grandma and pretty much got a mail order bride. My bad for throwing my life away after serving my country. My bad. There’s a bunch of other problems I have with them but you get the point. Why do I care about how I do it if I feel this way about them? I don’t understand it. I’ve never really felt like I’ve had a close friend which sucks. I’ve had a bunch of people over my life say that I was their best friend but it always seems fake or forced or with a stipulation. Like this person stopped talking to me so you’re best friend. Or thanks for the advice. Your my best friend and then we won’t talk for months. Cool story man. I finally met someone not too long ago that I actually feel comfortable with. It’s awesome but I just feel like after 12 or 14 years of thinking about this, it’s not exactly helping. I know a lot of friendships and probably every relationship I’ve ever had has really suffered because of this which sucks. I don’t want to ruin this friendship but I also don’t see me having a future in any situation i try to look forward to. Even in my relationships, everyone I have dated always something along the lines of “what about me? Why about how I feel?” And I just never have the courage to say what about how I feel? I’ve dated two girls that found out about me wanting to do this and they both made it about them. They both made it about how they felt. Sorry my problems with myself and life hurt you, I’ll try to make sure I don’t feel anything anymore for you. I honestly am not sure if I have ever been in love ever in my life. It kinda sucks but I just haven’t felt comfortable with anyone ever. I sit here and think, I don’t even know what way to turn anymore. It’s like every way is a locked door. It’s not like I haven’t had a privileged life. I’ve been all over the world, I have a decent job, I play a bunch of instruments, I have done a lot of things in my life but no matter what I do, this is always in the back of my mind. I honestly don’t remember a time where I didn’t constantly think about this. High school, college, military, being home or on vacation. It’s just always there. I just don’t know how much longer I can sit there and ponder what to do with myself before I just move on with it. I can’t go and talk to someone about it either. My mom told my whole family when I get out of the army, it was because I was crazy. She never asked me why or talked to me about it. There was nothing, she just did that. I got to come home to that. Yay me. If I get help, I feel like I’m just validating her. If I give any validation, it’s going to be with my death. I just knowing going to a psychiatrist or something like that will make it so much worse just because of her and my family. Even when a relationship of mine has ended, it’s always “what did you do?” Why does everything have to be my fault? I don’t really know what I expect out of writing all of this on here. I guess in all reality, I just want to be able to drive down the highway without feeling like I want to cry and ditch my truck into the trees. I just want to feel like I have something to be around for. I just don’t know if it’s too late or not.
(This isn’t my whole story, it’s more like a very brief over look of small events)
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
CANT lose weight on trileptal! I'm on 1500mg of Trileptal. These last 2 months I've been really good about eating well. I even did keto for about a month before I got tired of feeling sick.
I've been working out almost every day. Doing a mix of cardio and strength, and watching my calories.
However the scale is barely budging.
I'm even on Adderall and I'm still not dropping weight like I'd want to.
I've tried every mood stabilizer that exists, and I had to chill on antipsychotics cause I was getting panic attacks. Now i dont know what to do!
|
self.bipolar
|
I just need one good friend. I have many friends at school, it's good. Well...not really. I hate all of them. If I would've died, none would notice. I try so hard to find that one friend that really gets close to me, and we would stand by each other's side forever. I tried several times to talk to people, but I always seem rejected.
What I HATE the most is that I should always be the one who makes the first move. No one has ever come up to me and started a conversation, why should I always be the icebreaker? Am I not good enough? Do I look like a toxic person?
My brain is combusting, and I no longer have a soul anymore.
|
self.depression
|
$440 for one month of Seroquel XR??? That's with my insurance, there is no way I can afford that every month. Is there anyway to get it cheaper? Going to Canada? Is it normal for them to fuck people over on this drug?
|
self.bipolar
|
Desperate.. looking for a natural way to relieve my increased anxiety and depression in the last month. Can't shake this... Hello!
I am a 23 year old female that has struggled with anxiety her whole life. I have taken many things but nothing really "fixed" me. Xanax and similar drugs just slowed my thoughts but didn't give me the courage or confidence to engage. Antidepressants never helped enough to notice.
The only thing that ever USED to help, and still does time to time was alcohol. I felt I could speak clearly and engage with all types of people. I had confidence and just loved life. But obviously I can't drink every day nor do I like drinking really.
Depression has always been on and off for me. When I don't have a lot going on I get depressed. I was also pescribed an anti depressant for my migraines from the age of 15-18. I didn't know it was an antidepressant and when I forgot to take it on a trip, I had a complete emotional break down. Safe to say I STOPPED taking it. Now my depression comes and gos.
I also have a stupid past of abusing "rave drugs." I have abused MDMA/molly a few times in the last 2 years. I really was uneducated at the time this could be very bad for someone with my issues and I feel like this past made my depression much worse/an actual problem. Trust me, not doing these things again. (I was very sheltered as a child so moving out was a huge learning experience)
I currently am living a healthy lifestyle. I eat pretty good and workout almost everyday but I just have been feeling HORRIBLE lately..
Extremely depressed. Nothing I used to do for fun is fun anymore. I feel this weight on my chest almost all day/everyday. I feel like all my social interactions are forced. I don't genuinely care what anyone is saying nor care to respond. And when I do to "seem normal" nothing comes out right or I just seem so fake.
My anxiety has been very bad. I have very negative thoughts, constantly think about my finance leaving me or people I love dying. Thinking I'm so disgusting. Literally no confidence at all. Going "blank" in social situations. Just not feeling human very dissociative. I run my own business and have panic attacks all the time (usually business related things cause this) or arguing.
This unmangiable feeling has been going on for a month now. Alcohol doesn't even seem to help anymore. And this sucks because I am actually very fun, intelligent and funny. I used to be the life of the party (with the help of alcohol or being comfortable with the people I was with) and now I literally can't even force myself to pretend I'm fun.
I hate living this way and really don't want to be on antidepressants.. I want to try something more natural because natural things have worked before.
Can someone recommend something to me? I've been reading about nootropics the past 2 days and am very interested.
Thank you!!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Doctors give me panic attacks and I have a checkup coming Finally bit the bullet and set up a doctor's appointment for next week. I've been putting it off for years because doctors terrify me. Honestly left to my own devices I'd probably put it off even longer but I can't support my vision of myself as a devoted father and husband if I'm not trying to keep myself healthy. I am our family's only source of income and they need me to be able to work. I've been phobic of doctors my whole life...I had a bad experience as a kid that made me hyper aware that I don't know what I don't know when it comes to my own body. No one can guarantee that I'm not already dying of something horrible and I have a great deal of trouble with that uncertainty. I hasten to add that I feel fine physically, and my family has no history of cancer, heart attacks, MS or any of the other diseases that really scare me. I have no reason to believe I am sick, but...I just don't know. It's less that I'm afraid of needles (though I am) and more about being afraid of what the doctor is going to tell me. My wife has generously offered to come to the doctor's office with me and even into the exam room, which I appreciate. I hate having her see me like that though. My anxiety makes me feel like a weakling. I'm a 45 year old man, I should have a grip on this by now. The last time I went to the doctor's office, she came with me, and I kept it together ok. But that was five years ago and I just don't trust myself not to freak out. I really wish I didn't have to do this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why does everyone think that depression is about unrequited love? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
What are your experiences with anti-depressants? I’m just interested in your experiences with anti-depressants. I have been taking pills for approximately 10 years now (mainly fluvoxamine, but I also tried cymbalta and fluoxetine).
Does your medication help?
Sometimes I think “fuck it, I often still feel bad”. But when I don’t take the pills, my condition deteriorates day by day.
Would be great if some of you shared their stories.
|
self.depression
|
Me [26 M] with my ex [25 F] of 7 ish years, are done (agian) and I think I am unstable. I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. Like my title says my GF broke up with me and I guess I want to know if it was all my fault. Here is my/our background. BEWARE LIFE STORY COMING UP. I'm sorry. Tried posting in other sub-reddits but they wouldn't let me.
I have only been in a few relationships but they seem to last awhile. First serious relationship lasted 4 years until I turned 19 and about 6-8 months later I found the love of my life (I still feel that way) and we hit it off and moved in with each other after a few months (don't remember how many).
After 2 years of good times and a few hard times due to money and my gaming habits we ended up having a kid together. She wasn't planned but I was always willing to be a dad so we never really used condoms and after 2 years of unprotected sex every night (never pulled out) I assumed we had a low fertility rate and was super thankful we were able to have our daughter.
This was around the time that I feel I wasn't mature enough to be a dad mentally or financially but I was happy nonetheless. She gave birth to a wonderful and beautiful baby girl. After a few months I started to go to school part-time (side note I play video games/read books/watch anime and tend to get unhealthily obsessed and can't really get my self under control until it's to late).
If that side note didn't give you a hint this was around the time of our first "problem" or to me my realization that I need to quit getting obsessed and learn to slow down. My GF was semi-clingy and started to get mad at things I never really thought we big deals like not cleaning as much, staying up late, or masturbating.
Then it happened, she decided to end it (we were still living together because we couldn't afford to live alone). She started seeing other people rather quickly (less than a month) and then she moved out. We were still hanging out and having sex and I was very supportive of her and everything she did. I suspected she was into women as well and it turns out I was right as she started dating women too.
She met a guy just before she started dating girls and it ended up with her being raped and not feeling safe anymore. I being the only person she could trust or feel safe with decided to move back in with her and we started a friends with benefits kind of relation ship (I've always loved her and was just happy to be around her more). After awhile she started relationships with other women and this was around the time I started school full time and when my depression started.
I wasn't necessarily having trouble with school just that I couldn't focus on what I really should be doing. I was still playing some video games but I'd lost my desktop computer and was using my college laptop. I was able to get fairly good grade without much effort but I was still sad and wasn't able to make her happy due to my unwillingness to change my bad habits (I can see that they are).
I decided to move out because I was just getting more and more heartbroken while she was dating others. So I moved in with my best and only friend. He is sorta difficult to live with but I'm truly grateful hes my friend. He is like me but x10 when it comes to cleaning and very irresponsible with his money. I lived with him for about 6 months and I finally couldn't take it. I moved back in with my GF (I don't think we were dating at this time but we we've still been fucking since the break up) I guess I'm the reason she couldn't find/keep a relationship because she kept coming back to me.
We lived there for awhile and during this time I again wasn't able to keep to her standard of cleanliness and it was causing problems again. (note I was doing a lot better but I'd just forget or I thought she would understand). In the end I moved back out to live with my best friend again. This time it lasted for a year and my depression over my school work/failures made me hit another low point (this was around the point my suicidal thoughts started I think). GF and I started to get along again and I started to try to be better for her and my daughter.
My daughter and my GF are probably the reason why I'm still here. There is nothing in this world that came make me feel happier than these two. (I really should have grew up around this time but I stayed pretty immature I think) I didn't play video games that much since the break up but I still did. Then I got addicted to a phone game and I spent a good amount of money on it and I ended up getting a bit of PTSD or anxiety from all of the notifications. It was easier to hide it then computer games.
Then around this time a year ago (I hope the time-line is accurate) we started to get back into our melody and then this is where I fucked it up. (side note: my GF had a friend whom we hung out with semi-frequently) My gf took our daughter across state to see her family and I stayed back for school/work. We were getting pretty hot and heavy with the long distance talking.
Then I went to a Christmas party with my best friend and got bored. Currently the movie Fantastic beasts was playing in the movie theaters and I REALLY wanted to see it but every time I'd ask my (not yet at the time) GF if she would go with me I was turned down due to kid or work. So she's out of town with my daughter so no I could go see it.
Here is a fact about me: I HATE MOVIE THEATERS. I think they are a waste of money and time (UNLESS the movie you are going to that you want to support). Otherwise I just pirate it and watch it at home.
Alright so I'm bored and my best friend wont go with me and I have a fear or going to movie theaters alone so I ask my GF's friend to go with me and we went and I didn't think anything about it. I took her to my appt to meet my best friend to try and hook them up which backfired. We ended up just watch movies until we feel asleep. She didn't have to work until the night shift the next day so we she watched some more movies and I wasn't able to ask her to leave properly and she ended up staying longer than I wanted and it got super awkward.
During this time my GF was on her way back home from her trip and since watching the movie I'd forgotten to text her. The friend stay over for awhile longer and I slept the day away. Around the time she left I decided to see where my GF was and i told her what had happened the previous night and that her friend stayed over and I said that I don't think we would be able to have a threesome with her (bad choice of words and a side note: my GF was getting off on wanting to have a threesome with another girl and at this time she had a crush on her friend). I said what I said because while she was over I felt to awkward around her and I didn't feel comfortable enough to open up to her in anyway beyond small talk.
As you can expect my poor choice of words really hit her hard and at the time I thought nothing of it. I thought she was just still driving. Turns out she was analyzing everything I said in the worst case scenario and thinking back on it I can completely understand why. I was an idiot to think it would be ok to take her friend out to a movie just because I didn't want to go alone and I was retarded to say what I did after not texting her for a day.
Now at this time we were not dating but she is still the only girl I want to be with for the rest of my life and after my texts don't get answers and same with my calls I realize my mistake. Just in case I check this app she downloaded onto my phone to keep tabs on our locations (her idea and this was my first time using it) and it shows up that about ~50 mile from town her phone is disconnected and I start freaking out.
I assumed she is dead and I can't get a hold of anyone. After like 50 calls I finally get through and all I head is "Leave me alone I don't ever want to see you again" and I'm fucking crushed. Takes me a few days to talk to her and she still doesn't believe me to this day. I completely understand why but I've never been anything but honest with her and she was able to come back around (even though we had made up I don't think she really wanted to believe me).
So with that disaster behind us we started dating again this time I was MUCH better at keeping the house clean. I was doing laundry/dishes and regular house cleaning pretty well. I went from doing this every other day or two days to doing it every day.
AND then we decided to move back into a new place and I thought this place was perfect. It was close to the school I wanted my daughter to go to kindergarten. Was in my favorite neighborhoods and I just love it here. We were doing GREAT my depression had now transformed into solely a school related depression and I was mostly able to hand it. Then it happened and she had raised the bar again. My cleaning wasn't enough I'd gone from gaming addicted slob to moderate human and she still wasn't happy.
Hers some more side notes: She we to a tech school and got a 1-2 year degree and was now employed at our local hospital. I think she is doing great and is currently really good at her job.
BUT this being a very needy job that required her to do up to 70 hours a week she was getting stressed out very easily. I live to clean up around 2 hours after work (2 hours after she gets home) to give me some cool down and relax. Her being stressed at work doesn't see it this way. She sees it as I'm being lazy and that i need to do more around the house. I feel like even when I'm relaxing I'm cleaning up after us. I mean having a kid is a constant cleaning job. During all of this I also drop our daughter off at pre-school, pick her up, go to school and work most days.
I don't think I felt stressed about it or even that I felt i wasn't doing enough or too much. But to her I was still being lazy and not cleaning enough. (GAH forgot a side note: She gave me rules I had to follow in order for her to move in with me again and I wish I was better at them. RULE 1: CLEAN RULE 2: do well in school RULE 3: come to be by 9 pm)
Honestly I thought I was following these quite well I was always cleaning but it would always get dirty again and she would still complain. I was able to come to bed around 9-10 but it still wasn't good enough and she blames me for her not being able to sleep (By the way i forgot to say that shes being to stressed out because of her full-time job and full-time school). During this time I'm just so happy she's here. My school is getting hard and I'm struggling and my school depression is getting even harder to live with. Also I've stopped initiating sex because awhile back she was accusing me or only using her for sex which is false I just find her so damn attractive I'm always horny around her. The she says that since she makes more money than I do that I should do more work around the house.
This is where fuck up #2 is. My school starts to hit me hard and I failed some courses and I feel terrible I lost my grandfather and my great aunt the previous year and beginning of this year. Then I found another phone game and I play it way to much that I'm ignoring things again. I slowly stop exercising and I can't seem to do anything right anymore. I start just WANTING to die not just I'm sad anymore and that I am a bit suicidal but that now I can't stop thinking about it.
I'm able to get through it because they're here with me and they make me so happy. Then she starts getting upset. This last two months its been hitting me the worst. My unsure self is making me so depressed and this phone game is making me not stay focused. I wasn't cleaning as much again or when I was cleaning I was playing this game and during all of this I wasn't doing my homework. Now I started breaking rule 3 and I wasn't coming to bed until 11 then it was 12 then I needed to make sure I complete my homework or I might fail my classes again and I started staying up all night and not coming to bed. I'd get cold and get a blanket and just fall asleep as soon as I got warm.
Now see is upset and hiding it and I just feel like shit and then a few nights ago she she broke up with me and now it feels real.
I got mad and upset so I ignored it a bit and was trying to get my head around it. Then she goes out with her friends to the bar and she comes home and appologizes to me but she still wants to leave. I calm down and I start to get back on track and do what needs to be done again.
Then I read some text (I snooped and got nosy) of hers saying she made out with someone at the bar that night the day after she broke up with me. Now I feel worse then ever before I just hurt. I ended up crying my eyes out and I don't think I've really cried in like 6 years.
This is where I feel like I am losing it. I decided I was just hurt enough and I wanted her gone so I grabbed most of her close and he most used stuff and put it in front of the door and I locked the house up.
I told her to leave and that I don't want to see her again and that she should get a hotel or stay with a friend. She thought I was over reacting and didn't know I knew about the night before and what happened (She came home the night of and appologized and hugged me and told me a "half truth" and cuddled me). I was furious that she would cuddle me only 1 or 2 hours after she was making out with another person a day after "broke up".
I know that we've been broken up before and that she has dated in-between these but I strangely didn't care then.
She didn't leave and kept knocking and knocked and threatened to call the cops if I don't let her in. My daughter was with me and we were playing in her room and this was all said through text messages. I cave after she says that as I don't want to put my daughter through that.
Now shes living here until she can get a new place and I'm sleeping on the couch. I cooled down a little bit and tried to talk to her to work this out but she wasn't willing and says I will just revert back and that she can't take it anymore.
I've never felt more defeated and I sorta snapped. I left the house with no shoes no coat while it was snowing a bit and went for a drive and I wasn't thinking clearly. I just want to die. Fuck I'm crying again. God I just want to end it.
Im on my drive and I just can't stop thinking about dying it was just non-stop I went to a parking lot and curled up in the back seat with my blanket and just thought of how I should end it and if I could.
During this time she's calling me non-stop and text me how she loves me and all I can think about is dying and that she's so good at lying. I know she cares about me I know that but I just want to die.asdflk;hjlk She tells me SHe cares about me and that my daughter needs me. She calls my sister and now my sister is calling me. I just want to be left alone I don't think I can kill myself yet. So I tell her I'm fine and I just want time alone and I think she falls asleep now.
There are a bunch of places I could probably kill myself here and my best ideas were to jump off this cliff or go borrow my friends gun. I start to get pretty cold not that the car has been off four like 4 hours and I get uncomfortable so I finally decide to go home. It's a good thing I left my shoes and coat at home or I probably would have been able to walk up to the cliff.
That was sunday and monday I didn't even go to school. I just laid on my couch until I got a call from my daughters school to take her home because she got hurt. Then I "woke up" and started to go through my routine again. I cleaned the house and did the laundry and dishes. (laundry was supposed to be he job and it got pretty backed up but she was to stressed with work and school and hasn't been able to do anything lately yet everything is still dirty and my fault). Since the break up the house has been squeaky clean. I literally did like 15-20 load of laundry (small washer and dry so maybe about 8 normal loads)
Now I decided to snoop again and I found out shes been talking about me behind my back and while she isn't being openly mean to me her friends are. I feel the hurt even more strongly now. She said "I think he's losing it" to them after I asked about some guy she knows and I got jealous and asked who he was and if she was seeing people before the break up.
And now here were are and I hope someone is reading. I feel so lost/angry/sad/hopeless.
tl;dr:My GF dumped me again after 7 years of on and off relation ships. I think it's because of my inability to care more about cleaning and getting things done but I feel like my mild to sever depression and ADD is getting in the way.
OR is it also because she can't cope with her stress and can't take responsibility for working a 50-70 hour job and going to school full time when I told her she shouldn't. I feel like I shouldn't have been the one to de-stress her everything she's about to blow.
I guess my question would be am I going to be okay and any advice would be nice. I honestly believe she is still my one and only and I don't think I've ever truly looked at another women without comparing them to her since I've met her.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Dual Diagnosis, Saphris problems, Clozapine, Tegretol/Trileptal and TMS Well stability was nice while it lasted. Since April actually. They put me on Saphris and it put the breaks on the mania but it was burning my tongue so bad the skin was actually peeling off. I tried taking Tums to neutralize the acid and now I'm taking like 4 tums a night to make it bearable but I'm worried about kidney stones. It just sucks because it was my 24th medicine and the first to actually work and now I can't stand taking it. And symptoms are coming back (happens every March and November for me) so I guess it never worked anyway. Has anyone else had this problem with Saphris?
To make matters worse, my psychiatrist retired last month. I met the guy who replaced him last week and it went horrible. He recommended electroshock therapy as well as injections of an antipsychotic I've already taken and had horrible side effects on (like everything else). So I found a new doctor with the help of my DBT therapist.
Things went well with her. I was rediagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type and now borderline personality disorder. That kind of freaked me out. I guess the two kind of blur together for me. I'm going to continue with the DBT therapy for that. Medicine wise, she was thinking of either Tegretol or Trileptal and Clozapine. I'm not too nervous about the Tegretol or Trileptal because I've heard good things. Clozapine kind of scares me. I know its like the nuclear bomb of antipsychotics for treatment resistant psychosis but I feel like I'm at the end. Rather than put me back on another antidepressant which always induces mania, she said we might try Trans-Cranial Magnetic Stimulation. So that is kind of nice. They do it at her office so I don't have to go anywhere else. Has anyone had any experience with any of these meds or the TMS? She is getting a second opinion from her collegue who went to Duke and Cornell Medical School and she's getting my records from all my hospitalizations. She's very intelligent and I feel like I'm in good hands. Just looking for some positivity.
Things are going pretty well in life otherwise. I have a new boyfriend who is extremely understanding and supportive, more than anyone I've ever met. And I have one week of school left. It's the first semester I've been able to finish in two years. And so far I have a 4.0! Work is going well. I am worried about the medicine change screwing everything up but I know having a breakdown would make it worse. So that's where I am. Any positivity or experience input would be greatly appreciated! And as always thank you all for your support. I'm just ready for all this to end.
|
self.bipolar
|
[update] good things on this subreditt recently. i didn't cut myself. thank you. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My boyfriend broke up with me during visiting hours at the hospital I was really depressed. I had a particularly bad week that led to a mental breakdown one night in October. I punched a door, broke my hand (didn't know it at the time), and couldn't stop crying. He was scared for me, and so was our roommate. They brought me to the ER.
The next day my dad had driven down and drove me to another hospital ER. I voluntary was admitted to the psych ward. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. The second day I was there during the visiting hour, my boyfriend broke up with me.
I was very much so in love. I didn't think our relationship was falling apart, I hadn't seen any signs of it so this came out of nowhere. He said I needed to get better on my own independently and that he also needed to work on himself. He told me he didn't want to cut ties with me and wants me in his life forever. He told me we were still best friends and that he cared about me.
I called him the next day through the hospital phone (we aren't allowed electronics or anything) and I told him I loved him and that when I got better I'd want to be with him again. I said I didn't want to date anyone else. He told me he didn't want to date anyone else but that he also didn't want to date anyone for a few years (in retrospect as it has been a few months, I probably shouldn't have said any of those things).
After five days in the hospital I was discharged. We texted for about a week. I texted him that I was sorry that I ever hurt him emotionally or physically and that I didn't mean to (I pushed him in my mental breakdown but I wasn't trying to hurt him). He ghosted me after that.
He has texted me a couple times since, but only months later in December. Once was to tell me that I am caught up on rent and that they found someone to sublet my room. The other time was to tell me that he had consolidated all of my stuff and wanted to know when I would take it back.
Somewhere in between that he had unfollowed me on instagram. It made me upset, so I unfollowed him too and deleted him on facebook. This was ultimately a good call (despite it seeming petty), as I do want to move on and I haven't 'checked up on him' since.
A couple days ago I went through my instagram and archived every picture of him (vs deleting, I prefer to save my memories. especially those since they were happy, despite this whole situation being absolutely heartbreaking). It made me realize that he never posted a single picture of me on social media. It's something that I didn't notice nor would've really cared about, but it makes me wonder whether that says something about his character. That he left me in my darkest moment despite him saying it was for our own good, and that he could just walk away without anything to pick up.
He can go on living his life, seeing our friends (who I don't even know are my friends anymore), pack away my things, and not have to even remove a single photo of me or relive any of the pain that I had to.
Then again he probably was sad. But I feel so much resentment and anger now. I think I must've loved him more than he loved me. And I just want to move on. Thanks for reading.
|
self.offmychest
|
Looking for someone that can relate. Hi everyone.
Well, I am writing it to vent this off my chest. I'm a 20yoM.
These are the main reasons that I often use to justify killing myself when I'm really hopeless:
-I'm extremely lazy, I suck at my job, and I'm excluded by my peers. No need to mention what my boss thinks of me. I can't figure how I haven't been fired yet. I also have no motivation to get a degree.
-I basically live in my workplace (I know is hard to picture it), so being excluded by my peers hits really hard on me.
-I hate my work, but I need specifically this job. It sucks having a job that doesn't fit you and you know that you don't have future in it. But, for now, I need it. Even needing it, I can't bring myself to enjoy it or to make any efforts beyond the bare minimum.
-I have no motivation at all, maybe because I have an undiagnosed depression. Plus I can't fix it because I can't go to a psychiatrist because my job doesn't allow me to (long story), even on the weekends. I do make pull-ups and push-ups almost every day if that counts as proper exercise. I have no motivation to get out of my house, at vacations. I hate vacations.
-I have no talents.
-I have Aspergers. It sucks being socially "braindead". I can't stand being more than 4 hours without being alone. Meanwhile, NASA is still trying to figure out how I didn't murder any of my coworkers due to lack of "being alone".
-Even though I'm still virgin because that's the least that I can do for God (Not for long, probably). I am a potential pedophile. I get turned on by seeing kids get violently spanked. I fear to be around children, because of that.
-No matter how much I try, I can't give a fuck to my family. They deserve better from me, but I can't.
-I'm a shitty son.
-I'm a shitty brother. I'm the anti-role model.
-I laugh when people tell me misfortunes. I smiled for minutes when a fellow at work told me, crying, that he was planning to kill himself (I made sure he wasn't noticing). After that, I've purposefully avoided him. A similar event happened again months later but I can't record it.
-I am starting to hate God. (That's the worst one)
I can't bring myself to go to church anymore, and I am seeing the bad effects that this is having on me, but I don't have the motivation to go to the church confess my sins or attend the mass.
-I started smoking tobacco to replace my masturbation addiction. It didn't work. I can't get addicted to tobacco (I don't regret starting smoking btw) and I can't stop watching so much weird porn, including illegal things, sadly.
-I can't bring myself to do most of the things on my own, except for the extremely necessary to my survival. The rest I expect to my family to eventually do for me by pity.
-I can't bring me to kill myself, even though I'm going to hell anyway.
-I could only finish a 94 pages book in the last year. Only one book. I used to read 5 or 6 books per year in my early teens.
-I HAVE NO TRAGIC PAST OR SHITTY CHILDHOOD. I NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH ANY THOUGH SHIT, YET SOMEHOW I MANAGED TO BECOME A DEPRESSED UNGRATEFUL LASCIVIOUS (ALMOST CRIMINAL) WORTHLESS DEATH-DESERVING BASTARD.
Well, that's what I could get off my mind. Somehow, I'm feeling a lot better after writing this.
I'm not looking for advice, yet I will accept them anyway. The most important thing for me is to know if there's someone out there that can relate in some way or another, so I can feel less hopelessness.
Thank you for taking your time to read.
|
self.depression
|
I need to vent Hi r/depression. I'm just in need of some support I guess. Normally I manage to keep my depression and anxiety in check but lately it's been getting bad due to recent events.
At work I was made to wear drag for the company christmas party by my boss, because we had to show up in costumes and he said it'd be funny. Nobody wanted to do it, and because I was the new guy, I was "asked" to accept the role. I'm not against the idea of people who dress in drag, but it's just not my cup of tea.
In hindsight, I should have just outright refused since I wasn't comfortable with the idea, but I was afraid that I would be perceived as uncooperative or insubordinate. (I mean, it was well within my rights to refuse since it wasn't within my duties, but how that would affect how my coworkers and superiors going forward was another matter.)
I put on my best "positive" attitude face and went along with it, acting really over the top. They took pictures, videos, and everything. I even had some fun. But when I got home, I just collapsed into my bed and suddenly all the emotions I had been holding back just erupted and I hated myself more intensely than ever.
Now I feel like, for a long time, I'm going to be known as the guy that went in drag. There were of course a lot of great people that loved the act, but there were also a lot of just plain homophobia disguised as jokes.
I guess I mostly hated myself because I felt like such a pushover. Why didn't I just refuse? Was this worth the humiliation?
I'm trying my best to spin it in a positive way, but my main struggle with depression, even back then, was handling being judged and perceived by others. And right now I just feel overwhelmed.
|
self.depression
|
And now suicide seems like a great fucking idea once again. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else with anxiety get these two things? Occasionally before I got to sleep when I've felt anxious or depressed it seems like my internal dialogue/ thoughts are screaming at me not as if they're in the room with me or as if I can't hear other sounds, but more as if it's my own thought voice just rapid firing, I can get to sleep but it takes some work. The other thing is when I get visual snow it leaves an imprint of letters like earlier today I was chilling started getting visual snow and then a capital A appeared in my vision, it wasn't like I couldn't see through it or anything it was more like some one put a bright light in my eye in the shape of a capital A...
I have really bad health anxiety about being schizophrenic but I'm not sure if this is a sign?? My doctor assured me I'm not schizophrenic but that was like 3 weeks ago so I'm not sure anymore
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need someone to give me a reason to not do this if there is any at all.
Not much has very meaning to me anymore and I'm extremely desperate to leave
There isn't much stopping me
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
my mom keeps telling me that my emotional problems are just a teenage phase... I barely attempted suicide last month, but apparently I've been much better recently. I don't know...maybe? I haven't really felt anything recently, but that does mean I'm not in as much pain anymore, right? Maybe the new meds are working, or maybe it's temporary until I return to college and risk another suicide attempt. I mean...I want to go back. Because staying at home for the next, like, 9 months would destroy me. But I hate college, too.
In general, my conclusion is just that life sucks. I keep telling people that I find living meaningless and that I don't care anymore if it gets better. They just kinda brush me off. I wish I could do that. I could just forget about it and move on like everyone else.
|
self.Anxiety
|
College makes me want to kill myself I know people say you're supposed to get over the failure. But, I can't. I've seen the Kobe Bryant video where he talks about how repeating the same mistakes is failure. And, I realize that I'm a failure. I keep repeating the same mistakes. Term after term. I never thought I would turn into this person. And yet, outside of college, I'm fine. I genuinely regret going to college. I wish I had taken a year off before college and tried things. I wish I had tried a job like this before college. On the other hand, I read about automation and how low skilled jobs are going to be lost. So, maybe I should suck it up and get that stupid degree to give myself a bit of an edge. I always start the term thinking that things would be hard. That assignments would be hard. That I would struggle. Then, the end of the term comes and I regret making things harder than they needed to be. I realize that I could have taken small easy steps every day to put myself in a better position at the end. But, I keep forgetting that epiphany. I should call it my most forgettable epiphany. I feel like that mythological guy that kept pushing the rock up the mountain. I'm just tired. I have grown in so many ways. But, I seem to have forgotten how to study. Goddamn that bitch who failed me that first class. She ruined my life. She pushed the first domino. I'm not going to commit suicide, but I'm not going to live either.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone done a 'no Internet' or a'no elelctronics' challenge for a while (qm) How did that turn out, was there improvementa
|
self.Anxiety
|
My newest best friend is a better friend than any of my old ones. But he doesn't seem to think I am worth anything I went on exchange for half a year to Europe and met a new friend. So far he has helped me with so much shit that I consider him a best friend. He remembered my birthday despite having just met me and planned a party with a gift already in mind. He would drive me to the airport and text me the moment I got back to hang out. But when we hang with other people, I suddenly become background noise to him. We just become really good friends when we are chilling alone. He doesn't outright ignore me when we hang with other people, but suddenly that sense of friendship seems distant. Like he doesn't want to be associated with me.
My old friends grew up with me as children in the same neighbourhood. We always hung out together as kids and went to the same highschool. But they never planned a thing for me, I would always get them gifts and plan birthdays but never got anything back in return. When I left no one saw me off, and when I got back I had to almost beg them to hang out with me.
Yet as a big group, my old friends don't treat me as background noise, together we all kinda get along fine and have fun as well. But unlike my new friend I never had that sense of closeness, of being able to share my problems and shit with them. Yet with the new guy he helped me through so much, from suicide to girl troubles. None of my old friends helped.
My old friends always talk about us as a group staying together forever because of our history. My memories of our past summers are what keeps me with them.
I don't know what the hell I am to make of the situation. There was a time that I felt that my old friends were taking up a lot of my time and energy for essentially nothing in return and I wanted to cut them off. But I'm afraid that if I do that my new friend might not actually be as much of a best friend as he is right now. After the exchange we will be moving to the same country but no longer staying in the same apartment building.
tl;dr: My new friend is a better best friend than my actual best friends but I seem to be nothing to him.
|
self.offmychest
|
DAE have physical complications from anxiety? I’m wondering if my anxiety is the root of what seems to be worsening issues. My job causes me great stress and my SO is an alcoholic so home life is rather isolating. In July I was diagnosed with IBS. My ob/gyn and psychiatrist are concerned by my blood pressure so I’ve started monitoring daily. It’s at stage 1 hypertension levels most of the time. A new fun thing has been gagging to the point of vomiting - when I’m trying to take my meds or even brush my teeth. Signs seem to point to GERD? I can’t be the only one... does anyone here have physical complications from your anxiety? What are they? Feeling so much doom and dread right now.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What is it that you desire What is that you desire the most?
Is it money, is it the loss of you depression or Even just the desire to desire
|
self.depression
|
I don't want to die, but I feel like suicide is my only option I was diagnosed with MS in Feb. 2016 and haven't held a full time job since December 2015, and as of Weds. I have nowhere to live. My sister and I have been looking for somewhere, but nobody will rent to people with bad credit and a lack of income (She makes ~1600/mo.), and I have jobs I'm waiting to hear back from but everything takes so long nowadays that it won't help anyway. This area sucks and I have no way to move anywhere better.
I'm completely unemployable and can't find anywhere to live, so it's obvious society doesn't want me and I should just go. I'm just too chicken shit to do it. I need an easy way to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm lonely, weird and keeping myself inwards I more or less have been considered quiet or shy since the sixth grade. I have just never been someone to take the lead in discussing things in large groups for the past five or six years.
That little leadoff brings me in. I've had these strange habits like trying to verbalize my thoughts. I keep talking out loud to myself, usually by doing it under my breath. That's something I've done since I was a little kid. Another thing I've done for the past few years is pacing around a room or floor whenever I'm nervous or thinking. It usually leads to negative thoughts so I try to do it less.
I don't have a lot of friends which is fine. But I can count the number of people that I think of as friends (as in people I see and talk to at least once a week and know well) on less than one hand. I've tried to be a little more social this year but it hasn't been easy and work has gotten in the way.
I haven't had a job before, not for lack of trying. But nobody wanted to hire a 14 year old kid with no experience and the older I became, the harder it got. I almost had one 2 years ago but I screwed up the application process. Then I nearly had an internship last summer but I got moved because of "my low-key personality."
Anyway, I have an internship now but it conflicts with a club that I like so I haven't been to that club much. I want to find work for winter break so I've been applying but there aren't too many places that want to keep a 19 year old guy with hardly any experience around for a month so that he can peace out and do something else.
I've thought about getting therapy but therapy in this area is expensive and on paper, I'm uninsured. I can always go to counseling at school but I never can make time. Then again, that seems to be how I am with most things I need to do. Something always seems to be in the way or something else.
|
self.offmychest
|
All my life, I never met the right people I was raised by a narcissist, I was mocked as a kid, I had friends who didn't care that I was depressed and who betrayed me, I then met bullies, I was manipulated to do homeworks and rejected in High School, now I'm alienated in College. It's always the same, I always start the discussion and people never make an effort. I'm always the one trying to do everything. I'm always the one who is supposed to help. People are always cold and mean to me no matter what, people always think that I'm their tool, playing with me with their human games. It's like people always choose to gang up on me, showing how much they are happy and alienating me. It's so easy to torture the sad and lonely one...
|
self.offmychest
|
Adopted daughter/Not the Father My adopted daughter and I have always had a tumultuous relationship. I adopted her when I married her mother, and she was 5 years old. Her "real" father bailed 8 months after her mom had her at 15. Already loaded with issues, but I love the kid anyway. Down the road, we get divorced. I'm still trying to be a father to the now 18 year old daughter, and she hates my guts and blows me off. Starts using the sperm donors name. Until he dumps her again. Ex wife remarries, and next thing I see is that she's got the ex wifes new husbands name listed as her father on FB. I tell her that's not cool, and it's hurtful, since I spent 13+ years raising her and trying to love her and be a good father. (I admit freely I screwed up a LOT. Still, I tried to do better every day) She blows it off. (I should mention that her step father makes 6 figures a year, pays for her phone, car, insurance, and she lives with them, she hates him, but takes the goodies he offers her; while I'm on disability, barely getting by, living in a tiny single wide trailer and raising her sister largely on my own)
So yesterday, she and my ex mother in law are in my home to pick up my youngest daughter to take her to her mothers for Thanksgiving break, and I mention this hurtful thing again, only to have both my daughter AND my ex MIL blurt out, "You're NOT her father!" I try to explain that yes, I am, the first guy is just the sperm donor, and the new guy is her step father, only to be shouted down time and again. I'm NOT her father to her or them. Almost 2 decades of emotional, physical, and financial support, being there when her mother wasn't, taking the tears and sadness she can't share with her emotionally distant mother, but I'm still not good enough to be considered her father.
That shit hurts. Told them so. None of them care.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
I've half convinced myself that I'm not(and have never been) mentally ill. The meds have been working so well for long enough that everything feels really distant. I've started explaining away everything as just teenage moodiness and drama. The mania was just overreacting to stimulants, the depression was just laziness. The self harm and suicide attempt were just normal reactions to stress. The weeks of agitated dysphoric mania were just med withdrawals. If I wasn't on meds I'd be fine. I've only had bad symptoms when on SSRIs, ADHD stimulants, or in the winter. If I take enough vitamin D, I won't need meds. I'm half tempted to start tapering my latuda on my own.
Disclaimer:
I haven't missed my dose in months(except on last saturday where I took a half dose the next morning because I crashed on a couch after a party), and I'm planning on taking my full dose tonight. I'm not going to taper off my meds, I just feel a strong temptation to. I'm going to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow.
|
self.bipolar
|
I've been struggling with depression a lot lately. I pushed away my loved ones and now I've lost my 5 and 1/2 year girlfriend. I didn't even cry. I'm so detached. I don't even know what to do anymore. We moved away from family so she could finish her degree. Now with her gone I have nobody. No friends or family. I'm all alone. Now I even have to get rid of my dog. This new year is starting off terribly.
|
self.depression
|
Turned my life around but anxiety is worse than ever. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Never been diagnosed Hey guys, for the longest time I've exhibited traits of depression, and when I was in my darkest time I never reached out to anyone and kept it all a secret. Now that I'm in a much better head space years later I've started "coming out" as someone with depression to myself and others. I've never been diagnosed with anything, I've never spoke to a professional about it, but I've just assumed that's what's wrong, because it seems obvious, my mother suffered for years. These days, half the time I'm good and productive and happy, but I go through periods of a week or 2 weeks where I'm constantly down, unenthusiastic, lethargic and scattered, normally triggered by any problem, big or small.
I'm also very dry humoured and constantly making jokes about my depression around other people, and some people I suspect don't believe I'm actually depressed. And sometimes I think maybe I'm not either, despite exhibiting blatant traits. Do you guys think it matters if I believe I have depression or not?
|
self.depression
|
The idea of getting a job depresses me I have my first job interview tomorrow. I have been thinking a bit and just began to cry a little :/. The idea of getting a job depresses me. To take up 1/2 of my time for a job just doesn't sound right. But it's something i have to do. We all do. I am not a lazy person. I just fear feeling miserable, or frustrated, it really effects me, and i don't want to be suicidal.
I think sometimes i'd rather die than work and deal with the possibility of ever feeling so much pain and misery for one more second. I don't know if i'm fit for a job, i don't know if i'm just too mentally ill. Without a job i feel useless and bored. I don't want to spend 1/2 my time doing something i don't like just to earn some money. That sounds depressing. I hope this doesn't sound too all over the place. i'm sorry if it does
|
self.depression
|
Tips for a parent? Mt 12 y/o daughter has GAD with OCD tendencies. She is in treatment, takes her meds and is doing really well.
Her progress has become a double edged sword for me. I anticipate a good day every day and when she has a hard day I am not able to process and be the support that she needs.
Any advice that any of you have from your experience. What should I do/not do?
I know the obvious, keep going to the treatment with her, keep positive etc... but what else can I do when she has a bad day(s)?
Much appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can a depression happen in the course of just a few weeks and without any real reason? I feel like I'm entering a depressed state at the moment and I'm feeling bad since around 3 weeks. I'm not motivated, I hate going to school (not that I ever liked it, but it was decent at times) and I eat almost nothing since a week. I don't what happend, but I feel like I'm entering a depression state. Do you think it could be just temporarily or could it be something serious?
|
self.depression
|
I'm so lonely, but I'm not alone. I don't have anyone who I can truly feel comfortable being myself around, or telling the truth about how I feel. I have friends, they're not superficial, in fact they're wonderful people. I just can't let go from this facade that I have created - of this happy, easy going person. I know they wouldn't abandon me, yet it's a fear that aches constantly.
|
self.depression
|
Sleeping all day I have no interest in anything during the day it seems. Simple tasks seem daunting and exhausting. Im not unhappy so idk if its simply depression. I just want the day to be over so i can spend the evening with my partner who works during day. Weekends with her i dont have this problem. Whats going on with me?
|
self.bipolar
|
The (Girl) Who Cried Wolf I hate that, with people who know my diagnosis, I'm ["The Boy Who Cried Wolf"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boy_Who_Cried_Wolf) whenever I state my perception of something for the *first* time.
For example, if I believe someone is unfairly rude to me or dislikes me for some reason, people tend to instantly write me off as being paranoid or delusional. *Did I take my meds?* I feel like there is an even greater burden of proof required, and my feelings can't be trusted as much as a "regular" person.
Does anyone else ever feel like this?
|
self.bipolar
|
I have the pills in my purse We keep the cabinet locked where all my medications are, for my safety. It was unlocked yesterday and I stole some of my pills. I have enough. I'm both feeling in control and powerful as well as terrified.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What am I even doing A few days ago I told my best friend I had feelings for her. Because apparently I'm a fucking moron. Now she thinks I was only her friend because I wanted to be with her, and says I betrayed her trust.. I understand why she would think that, but it is just simply not true. I don't know how to make her believe me, and even that wouldn't solve anything. I fucked up the single good thing in my life. I fucked up big time.
Now she's not answering my texts. A few months ago I was the only one she would talk to. Well, the only one she liked talking to. She used to tell me everything. I always knew how she felt, whatever was on her mind, she knew I was there for her and could talk to me about anything. And now she doesn't want to talk to me.... because I was an idiot. I already miss her and it's been two fucking days.
It hurts to think about the fact that it will never be the same ever again. If it wasn't for her I would have already killed myself months ago. She's the only thing I have, I actually enjoyed life. I had something to live for, plus I knew she needed my help and I fucking failed.
Everything I look at reminds me of her, we did practically everything together. I need her.. Which I understand is not normal, but it is what it is. Nothing's gonna be the same as before. It's all my fault.
I also have severe social anxiety, I am a high school dropout because of it, I don't have a job. Welcome to my life.
My father thinks my life is finally getting back on track, I don't want to tell him I can't even finish high school. I don't want to disappoint him again. Thank god I can kill myself now. What a pussy I am, I know, I know. I'm a fucking terrible son. I'm a terrible friend. I'm a terrible everything. Currently I'm selling my belongings so I have money to buy something to eat until I kill myself.
I feel like I'm finally ready to end it though, I already ordered the helium. I'm not sure I can wait a few days for it to arrive tho, might find some other way to do it before then.
I wanted to kill myself before I told my friend about my feelings. I planned on killing myself end of next month. I also ordered some stuffs I wanted to give her, as a goodbye thing. I'm pretty sure now she doesn't want any of it, not from me anyway.
And I have to wait for them to arrive so I can give it to her. I mean should I even wait for them to arrive? Might as well kill myself as soon as my helium gets here. Or even sooner if I find any other way. It doesn't fucking matter. I don't matter anymore.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this but at least I have something to do instead of crying and waiting for her to reply all day.
It was so much better when I was alone, before I met her. I was depressed yes, but at least it didn't hurt this fucking much. And the fact that I did this, it's all my fault and now I can't even do anything about it just makes it worse.
Edit: I would like to thank everyone who read my post, and took the time to write something.
I'm feeling a bit better, I won't kill myself in the upcoming days. I will wait a few weeks at least to think it through, see how things work out and then go from there. You guys will see me here next month or so, I will report back whatever decision I make.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like a bad person Dude that I knew from school very well committed suicide, and I don't feel sad. Just empty. :/ needed to get it off ma chest
|
self.offmychest
|
Will Seroquel grogginess go away? I thought I could escape the AP's but lucky me I might be schizoaffective. So I started (AGAIN) on Seroquel@50mg a week ago and my mornings fucking suck. Today I woke up at 7AM but I felt like someone just shit all over me. Fell asleep again and woke up at 8 fucking backwards on my bed. Collapsed and then I woke up at 11:30 still feeling like a dying animal. Went down and spilled milk all over me while trying to pour a glass.
I started on Seroquel in the past but had to give up because I wouldn't be able to make it to classes. But now my life is crap and I don't do anything so it doesn't matter.
I've heard that low Seroquel doses are more sedative since it acts as an anti-histamine. Does anyone know where the cutoff generally is? Like can 100mg be less sedative than 50mg but 150mg is more sedative than 100mg?
It's just so unpleasant that I would only take it if at some point it subsides because this is ridiculous. I don't want my mornings to no longer exist because of Seroquel.
Now that I might need to be on APs 4 lyfe I'm becoming concerned of my options. I don't want to be dumb, sedated, or fat, with priority in that order (but I'm ridiculously underweight so it would take a stupid amount of weight gain). Obviously it'd be easier for Seroquel to work but I'm scared that this sedation might just be my life as long as I'm on it. Abilify made me manic and gave me horrible akathesia. Risperdal gave me terrible anxiety and I almost grew boobs. My parents cannot afford Latuda, the one the pdoc wanted, even with the coupon and insurance. Now I see so many APs that I've never heard of and every single one seems to knock you out. I like staying up somewhat late at night, and I like being ready early on mornings. Will this still be a possibility?
|
self.bipolar
|
I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. I know. It's all wrong.
By rights we shouldn't even be here.
But we are.
It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger they were,
and sometimes you didn't want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy.
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened.
But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow.
Even darkness must pass.
A new day will come.
And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you.
That meant something.
Even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.
I know now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t.
Because they were holding on to something.
What are we holding on to, Sam?
That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.
|
self.depression
|
Worried my medication is making me too apathetic It's done wonders for my anxiety, I feel remarkably chill and that's really nice. But I'm starting to become concerned that nothing is affecting me how it should, I could drop out of college, loose my girlfriend, fuck stuff up and I'm not sure I'd care. I don't feel happy much either, I'm not depressed, just don't really get enjoyment out of things I should.
Anyone have any similar experiences?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m filled with so much anger and hatred and I don’t know what to do. I just want to curl up into a ball and wait for it all to end.
|
self.depression
|
How do I date when Emotionally detached Emotional detachment (with the help of mood stablizers) has been working well for me. Though it kind of interferes w/ relationships so I've decided that serious relationships are not in my card.
So I'm wondering how do I tell the other person and when should I tell the other person?
I don't want to let the relationship run it's course because I don't want to damage the other person emotionally and I can't risk destabilizing myself.
Any tips? Do I say nothing? Or is it fucked up to even date with that mindset?
|
self.bipolar
|
Hey, could use a hand Hi guys, I'v been going trough a lot lately, I lost all my friends because of my careless behavior, the girl I like blocked me on everithings and don't want to see me again, I'm 20, living with my mom, I quitted school few years ago and I didn't move from my computer since, she kinda hate me, I don't know, when she is angry after me (most of the time) she tells me that I can kill myself if I want to... I'm very alone, I haven't talked to or seen anyone (except my family) four month, please help me, I'm going insane...
(Bad english sorry)
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My Grandfather passed away. Not sure is this is the right sub.
So, this happened about 4 hours ago. I got a text from my Mom. He was 89.
He was a good man, a kind, loving and more importantly, deeply caring human.
I'll miss him.
As for my symptoms, Prozac's been helping me with it, and I'm betting on it to help me coast through this super painful juncture.
|
self.depression
|
Pro tip: deactivate your Facebook account during your birthday or just deactivate it altogether
|
self.depression
|
Chronic illness from a very early age we are taught to think of the future and what you may want to be one day. No one prepares you for illness. No one ever knows what to do when you have prepared your whole life to be something and have it taken away by illness. I had a one year old little girl and was just starting my night classes and I knew what I wanted to do in life. Then on my 23rd birthday I got the call from the doctor about my test results; I have an Autoimmune disease called Sjogrens. I did manage to finish school and got pregnant with my son. I could only work one year then I couldn't anymore. I hate being sick. I hate not being able to be what I trained for. I hate not being able to help others. I feel like a burden anymore. I try to talk to people...no one understands. I was in the ER all day and they still really don't know what is going on with me. I had so many tests. I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted all the time. physically and mentally. Everyone thinks I'm just fine because I always pretend that I am. I'm so not.
|
self.depression
|
My boyfriend(19) is not a virgin and it's killing me. We're both 19.I found out about this a couple of days ago. We tried having sex twice but both times he came just before penetration. I am a virgin and have been saving myself for someone who is worth it. He had sex once at 15 with his female friend to get over a breakup. I can't even look at him and not start crying. I trusted him so much, he is overly romantic and very shy and I thought he was a virgin as well. But nope, he had sex for the first time at such a young age (in my country) and not even with his girlfriend. I would never have sex with my friends and can't see why he did. Images come to my mind involuntarily. I now feel that he's dirty. Having sex with someone for the first time is a very important aspect of life, in my opinion, and requires a special kind of connection. I can't stand that I'm always thinking that he will compare me with that girl who was also experienced and has a better body than I do. Tell me that I am wrong or help me, because my face hurts from crying so much.
tl;dr: my boyfriend is not a virgin, but I am. I can't get over it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Feeling super numb and detached from loved ones. Today has been shit. I woke up fine, school was fine. Then I had to get ready to go for an audition and I completely shut down. I began to just completely detach myself from me and the people around me. My boyfriend took me to my audition. My friends all kind of just were there with each other laughing and having fun and I’d try to join in and participate, but I just felt this sense of no one wanted me around. I didn’t even want me around. So after the first part was done, I felt like shit. I had messaged my boyfriend saying I just wanted to cry and watch a movie and stay with him and he said okay! After the second part of the audition I was a little better because it was something that I’m good at. After it all, I just felt super low and disappointed with myself. Also super alone and unwanted. So I was stoked to see my boyfriend. When he picked me up, he said he was tired and I was like oh okay! Like that’s fine. I then asked if he wanted me to stay or if he didn’t, I could go home. I needed comforting and if he couldn’t do it, I could go home to my mom. She would comfort me and give me the support I really need. He gave me super vague “if you want” and “I’m neutral” answers and that just shut me down AGAIN. So here I am just at a really bad low and when we got to his house, he just kind of said a couple words to me then took a shower. It was super awkward. Now I’m laying here, wishing I could be at home, crying, and he’s asleep. Sorry for ranting but I just need some encouragement, or kind words, or what you do when you’re just at a super low because I’m shaking and hate everything right now. Thanks.
TL;DR I’m having a shitty day/ I’m super depressed and need some encouragement or advice.
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to disappear for at least a day [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
6 years and $240 later ... ... I realized I have anxiety that was picked up by a medical professional.
I’m looking for someone who is up for a Skype call (voice). The idea of putting a request for a voice conversation on this very sub of anxiety is so ironic.
I wonder if anyone would even respond.
Take care.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Will all anti depressants have a similar effect on me? I took 10mg of citalopram for a week about a month ago, I took it for anxiety which it helped a lot, but it made me more depressed than usual to the point of suicidal thoughts every day which is unusual for me.it also made me VERY drowsy and made me feel even more derealised than normal. So I came off it after the week trial and said I wanted to try natural methods. Well I'm done trying natural methods and want a more powerful fix, so I want to try medication again but I'm worried that whatever they give me will just have the same negative effects because I can't live with the depressed and drowsy version of me that citalopram brings out. Advice? x
|
self.depression
|
Advice on helping a roommate with depression Sorry if this is not the right place to post this, if it isn’t let me know and I’ll remove it.
One of my roommates has been on anti-depressants for a while and is pretty open about it. Lately he’s been kinda moody and seems very upset for a while. One of his big hang ups and something that he’s talked to me about is that he doesn’t think he’ll ever meet anyone; he’s 28 and he always thought he’d like own a home or be in a serious relationship by now. He’s discussed many of these things with me and our third roommate before.
Two nights ago, he got stood up by this girl at work (or something), stormed out of our apartment to drive to his home town (two hours away) for food and back. He literally has not said a damned word to me since and I’ve tried to talk to him a few times.... I’m not sure how to proceed here.... we’ve got five months left on this lease and I’m not planning on living with him again, but I feel terrible our relationship is so strained because I’ve know him for 6 years. We were, at least I thought, close.
Sorry, this may be too much unnecessary information. My main question is that I’m not sure if I should keep trying to reach out to him or if its going to even help anything? Should I let him come to me if he ever does or what?
I just want to help but I don’t know how.
|
self.depression
|
I want to get help, but the counsellors in school are very unprofessional and unapproachable and I can’t book a GP appointment without my parents finding out. I just want advice for how I can get help from outside these 2 sources.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.