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In need of urgent advice on writing/finishing 48 hour write exam (while possibly hypomanic) **Intro and info on the exam**
So, at this very moment I’m working on writing an essay on “Globalisation, political, civil society and social movements”, a Global Sociology course that’s part of my “Global Studies” masters degree.
Apart from being my least favourite part among the three “foundational/mandatory tenets), my preferred study area being International- Relations and Security, where most of my personal interests are,
My deadline is less than 13 hours as of now (09:00 AM (CET/+1 UTC).
***The main reason for this exam being more important, rather simply passing it with preferably a fine grade is, that his is a re-examination, from a semester about 2 years ago now. This was my very first semester after finishing my Bachelors degree. It went pretty good up and until the last hectic phase, where I long story short suddenly found myself committed to a psychiatric with severe depression, and unable to finish my last two exam a of that semester. Back than, I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar II.
After going through the most difficult part of my life, I’m now working to reclaim what is possible of my “old life. One step at a time.***
**The three questions to chose from**
1. *Discuss the emergence of civil society in one or more non-Western parts of the world. Can the emergence of civil society be seen the spread of a model first developed in the West, or should we take seriously the theory of multiple modernities when it comes to civil society?*
2. *When did globalisation start? Discuss different ways of periodization with reference to the course literature.*
3. *How can theories of globalisation help us understand the revolutions and uprisings of the last five years?"*
***Current obstacle, and where you might be able to help***
*Over the past 2-4 day, I’ve begun noticing some weird things, like sleeping less. More prone to small-time panics, increasing with the deadline coming closer,
Very hard time organising myself (not just the usual human slacking), but have so far not being able to do much of genuine productivity.
Like yesterday, as my room was quite messy (unrelated), I figured the best course of action, would be to start cleaning up. Creating a better work environment, and making it easier to find whatever stuff I needed. Hours later of me convinced How I was organising “things”, my room is at best the same mess if not worse. Just an example.
Other warning signs is, that I’ve had some conversations where I was.. a bit over enthusiastic in it (even when just making fun). My mother called me this night, and said she was a bit worried about some of the texts I sent yesterday, as some were a bit incoherent and couldn’t understand what I meant.*
##Appeal for help, support and advice
I know the topic is very, very specific, so I’m not hoping on some expert in the subject strolling in with a simple magic guideline, on putting together all of it together into a well-crafted essay.
Another challenge is (besides the specialised topic), is the relatively vast curriculum it’s based on.
The ideal (no matter how unlikely) would be, if some or some had a light background I something relating to this topic, even just one of the many smaller sub-concepts, or knowledgable about examples that deals with some of the same questions (even from another angle).
I guess, what I really would like, is to be shown some very good examples of **how** other smart people have dealt with questions like these (not looking for a definite answer that I can use, lol).
In my current less-so-organised mind, I’m struggling with how I am to construct such the arguments I need to provide an answer to the questions.
Please, help me focus my inspiration, so I can visualise how build up my essay.
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self.bipolar
|
i finally quit the team i was in that caused me so much unnecessary drama and trouble. my director? he shamed me in front of the entire team. i was completely humiliated and i couldn’t do anything about it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Anybody else just zone out when they're depressed? It's like I'm not even there.
|
self.depression
|
There are plenty of great times to clean the bathroom... But midnight two weeks after you were supposed to do it is not one of them.
PLEASE LET ME SLEEP.
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self.offmychest
|
I wrote this for you. (And you'll never see it) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
"Things will get better after high school, just you wait." It didn't. I have even less friends, I hate myself, I feel sad and hopeless all the time, I smoke weed every day to cope which hurts my productivity so now I'm getting nothing done ever. I feel so fucking lost even though everybody always told me university would be the time where I start meeting people.
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self.depression
|
I'm privileged white cis straight male and I should kill myself I don't have it bad at the moment - family is middle class - I'm privileged.
I may be the son of poor, farmer immigrants who moved to the US with nothing only a couple years before I was born but I'm white so I guess that doesn't mean anything.
my school is liberal and there's openness about sexuality and I was raised in a conservative immigrant environment and I can't be open sexually and I'm frustrated and want to kill myself. I don't want to finish the school year.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else? Lately, I have been getting this weird, uncontrollable, quick rage lately. Over stupid stuff as well :(. This morning my bf asked me to clean the litter box and for some reason I just got so so mad. I don't yell or anything but i can feel the rage boiling inside me. Last night was rough because insomnia and I felt ill because of this I just got so angry I was in the bathroom crying pulling my hair. It's awful I never imagined myself as an angry person. It's uncontrollable and currently I have no health insurance and can't see a doctor. The anger goes away quickly which is nice but seems very abnormal. Anyone else experience this?
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self.bipolar
|
Mirtazapine, and a side-effect I wasn't prepared for, almost leading to Bulimia... (happy ending) Disclaimer: I don't intend to bad-mouth Mirtazapine here, its side effects and somewhat "dulling" effect on the mind for some people (during the first few months) has likely been discussed enough here. Some feel nothing at all, others feel like zombies. Totally individual. I trust and maintain that the benefits of proper use, together with conversational therapy, is very efficient for many people, and I hope this has been said on this sub. I feel a need to share my own experience, though, in the hopes that it will be of some help to someone who might be reacting the same way as I did to Mirtazapine's well-recorded increase in appetite. Maybe you will decide it's not for you, but if so you need to weigh it carefully with your doctor first.
I took Mirtazapine for about seven months, and the early effects of it were pretty astonishing: I had been struggling with a warped sleep cycle for five months (June to October) where I stayed up to 4-6am, busying myself with PC games, TV shows, and movies, to mentally escape from the problems of the next day. Already after the first week of treatment, Mirtazapine made me sleepy at 10pm, and it let me sleep for 9-10 hours, sometimes even more. It was fantastic. I could suddenly wake up like a traditional "working adult", take a morning cup of coffee at 6 or 7, eyes sharp like razors, read a newspaper and look out the window and seeing street cleaners and busy-people hurrying to their places in life. "Is this what dad felt like all those mornings in the '80s?", I wondered.
I was three months in and I felt fantastic, if still a bit aloof and cottony in my mind at times, which is common in the first phase of Mirtazapine treatment. Sometimes the artificial sleepiness could get somewhat annoying, with me being in a dream I couldn't snap out of. It wasn't sleep paralysis since I was in the dream and not truly self-aware, but I kept having these really boring and repetitive dreams where it feels like you are walking through deep mud. Sometimes, when I finally got out of bed and stood up, I felt like "Ugh, *finally*". Still, it did not happen every morning, and even when it did, I still felt rested from the long sleep, so I thought no more of it. Also, they were never nightmares.
Sadly, my body got habituated to the sleep-component of Mirtazapine after about five months, and my old warped sleep cycle slowly creeped back into my life. The only benefit left in the medicine was the mild mental cushioning it provided, but at the same time I started to suspect that what I needed wasn't cushioning but to make new constructive life decisions, that only I could make. Not my friends, not my family; me. My returning bad sleep cycle was a clue to this.
After the sixth month, I noticed something one day: I had gained a lot of weight the past year due to inactivity. I had stopped going to the gym outright, for several months. The increased appetite from the medication also hadn't helped. One day I had pushed through a really tough week at work and bought Taco ingredients for making a nice Friday night dinner and a movie. After the fifth Taco, I started noticing that not only did this taste like the best damn Tex-Mex dinner I ever ate, I actually got more hungry the more I ate. After seven Tacos, I walked to the kitchen to get a new beer, when I noticed my stomach was already full. As in, I would not be able to tie shoelaces. Still, my mind was fixed on the Tacos, I was ready for an 8th and a 9th one.
That's when it hit me, the only time in my 30+ year life that I had this thought: *"You know, you could just take a stroll to the bathroom, make some new space..."*. I stood still for about 30 seconds in the hallway between living room and kitchen, turning it over in my head, feeling my happy and joyous hunger goading me on. And then I finally put the clues together, "These are borderline *Bulimia* thoughts, damnit. Like hell I will!". I said it out loud. There was no 8th Taco, and no visit to the bathroom.
A month later I quit Mirtazapine cold turkey. I had some slight withdrawals, bad sleep, and mildly itchy emotional turbulence for about 2-3 days, then I forgot that I'd ever taken it. Reminder: I am *NOT* outright encouraging others to go cold turkey. If you think you can hack it that's your decision alone, only you know your own history with weaning off stuff. It's still safest for most people to wean themselves off slowly, while keeping in touch with their doctor. For myself, I needed to lose the fake hunger, and I wanted to be clear-headed as I was about to start my new education, forever leaving my old job, and I have never regretted quitting Mirtazapine for this reason.
I can still feel anxiety over the larger things in life (the health of my parents, aging, money), especially going forward in my studies and later going out on the future job market, but I take it "babysteps"; these latter ones are *positive* anxieties, "First-World" problems only made possible because I made a choice and stuck with it. What I do know is that I won't take Mirtazapine again, because I want to be in charge of my hunger, to earn it. I am still passionate about world cuisines and good food in general, but I want it to feel like fuel, feeding a good fire, it cannot feel like stuffing for this turkey.
Have you had the same kind of experience? Feel free to share! Or have you noticed no appetite increase whatsoever from Mirtazapine? Share that too!
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self.Anxiety
|
Could your immune system be boosted by mania/hypomania? Just kind of a weird theory that crossed my mind today. I swear to god, everyone I know is falling down around me with the flu or gastroenteritis or a severe cold or some other awful illness. I've been exposed to so much illness, but I feel fucking great. I'm so paranoid I'm going to catch something, and maybe I will, but somehow I've managed to stay well so far (knock on wood!). I didn't sleep much the last couple nights, but today I'm full of energy and feeling very creative. I have bipolar 2, so this is pretty typical hypomanic behavior for me, and I intend to ride the wave and get some creative work done.
Probably tomorrow I'll wake up feeling like death, but it was just an interesting thing to consider...we feel so good during manic/hypomanic episodes...could it actually have a possible tangible effect on our immune system?
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self.bipolar
|
Am I losing it? I've become overly sensitive
I can't take any jokes
I have no energy
I keep thinking that something bad is gonna happen
And thinking everyone is out to get me
It's ruining everything
My relationship
Friendships
Work
I don't feel like I can keep going this way but there's nothing I can do about it
|
self.depression
|
Slowly getting more and more sad. Just every night getting closer to ending it but can't actually bring myself to and can't get help so I'm just hating myself more and more and wanting to give up more and more with the only thing keeping my head out of a plastic bag being my partner.
I literally can only go to the internet for help.
Please give me a good reason to keep going...
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self.depression
|
I am really worried that I will not be allocated to the rotation I want [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else get anxiety from banks? I've yet to meet another person with the irrational fear of banks. Even logging in online is crippling and takes 15+minutes to do. What makes it worse is that I own a decent sized business (~3 Million in revenue). I'm very good at what I do, but this is getting to be a much larger issue with me :/
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm so happy Christmas is over It's a shit holiday, and thank fuck it's over.
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self.offmychest
|
"Remove toxic people from your life" How does one remove toxic people from their life when you're alone in a city that you hate and you're the toxic person that you feel like needs to be removed?
|
self.depression
|
Am I weird I've come to the conclusion that I can't manage to make friends anywhere, whether it be online or offline, this sucks, I don't want to think it's me but I'm not sure, I really wish I had friends outside my family
|
self.offmychest
|
New dose of lamictal At my appointment today my doctor raised my lamictal to try and help with the depression. I'm hoping this will allow me to be happy again instead of everything feeling like work. She asked me if I felt guilty and I told her yes, when my son sees that I'm sad he asks if I want a hug. I don't want him to feel like he needs to take care of me.
She also said next time we can talk about lowering my geodon. That will be nice if that helps some of my tremors go away.
It just seems it is always tweaking here and there with medicine.
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self.bipolar
|
What do I do. I recently broke up with my girlfriend as the distance was not working between us and we both have mental health issues and this results in making us both sadder.
I miss her so much. She hates me for breaking her heart and she should. I was just trying to help us both in the long term and i can tell by social media and peoples snapchat stories shes going out and shes happier. Im not. She hates me and im so alone. I keep getting angry and having sex with this girl from my halls and i hate myself everytime i do it but she gets all pissy when i refuse its all so fucked i feel like a monster.
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self.depression
|
Functioning depression I felt like posting again, just share some of my thoughts, and I wanted to give a little bit of a chance for some people to comment on this too if they feel a similar way to how I do. I have depression, but I'm not someone who just stays around indoors and suffers with it, I still function within work. What it makes me realise is that nobody I work with knows about it apart from the one manager I told in confidence so that I could drop my hours down to a more manageable level, and I discovered this the other day when someone I work with made a joke about a colleague having depression and jokingly suggested I should "slap them and cheer them up" because they usually call for help on the tannoy (PA) system in a monatanous tone. I kind of got dragged into it and made some comments that I myself think 'shut the fuck up' whenever they call someone to the till and I'm busy. I guess maybe I'm just projecting my own insecurities by involving myself in the joke.
But anyway, this was just a post to let people know that depression isn't just about people being bedridden. There are people in jobs and living everyday lives that have it too. If you're one of those people, I'd like to hear your insights on how depression affects you in whatever job role you are in.
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self.depression
|
Zoloft Anyone here have experience using Zoloft / Setraline to treat anxiety ?
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do you deal or at least make peace with the fact that you have wasted many years of your life, whereas others were productive?
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self.depression
|
Welcome Newcomers & QOTW: Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought would be bad, but it turned out to be for the best? -November 20, 2017 Greetings & Salutations!
Use this post to introduce yourself if you're new. Or maybe you're not so new, but haven't gotten around to introducing yourself yet in one of these posts. That's ok too! Either way, we'd love to offer you a warm welcome to our community. In fact, if you've introduced yourself before, why not take some time to say hi to the new people commenting here? What do you have going on this week that's giving you anxiety? Talk to us, we can do this together - **you're not alone in this**.
---
###Question this week:
Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought would be bad, but it turned out to be for the best?
==============================
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**Come chat with us!** That's right we have an /r/Anxiety irc channel were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello! [IRC Option](https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.snoonet.org/anxiety) : [Discord Option](https://discord.gg/qPjH9Xu)
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) | [Community Map](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/3oux2l/add_yourself_to_ranxietys_google_map/)
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self.Anxiety
|
Need advice for a job interview So it's a culmination of things that's causing anxiety to build up. I had a chat on the phone with a recruiter today, just talking about the role. She said my skills are on the lighter end so that already makes me feel like I'm not gonna get the job (she did say that the company could be looking for a candidate at my level but I don't know if I believe that). I'm worried that she'll ask me questions about the technical side of things and I won't be able to answer.
The phone call went OK and she sent me an email with the JD and asking if I could meet with her tomorrow (she is sending off the shortlist to the company tomorrow which is why it's so sudden). I replied back saying I can tomorrow afternoon but I sent the email just after 5pm and she hasn't replied back.
I'm working a graveyard shift right now as well which means tomorrow morning I'll have to wait for her reply and not sleep... But then not sleeping will affect my ability to interview and I'm getting nervous that I won't be able to wake up in time.
On top of that I got a breakout of eczema on my face which hasn't gone away yet so that's gonna affect the interview as well.
So it's just the combination of not being right for the job, not knowing when the interview will be, and the eczema which makes me want to just email her again and cancel the interview. What can I do to stop worrying?
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self.Anxiety
|
I would pay all my money to hire someone to kill me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel lonely and my chest feels heavy. I just wanted to get this off my chest. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Today is the first day I've felt truly relaxed. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Hallucination gatekeeping? So, I want some feedback/advice. Basically a young assistant psych in Stockholm (first and last time I'd seen him) told me that what I thought/experienced as a hallucination/possible evidence of psychosis was not one one because
1. He said it didn't sound like one and
2. If I WERE going through the kind of mixed state/dysphoric mania that I had described, I would not be lucid enough to sit down and talk to him like I was, OR I was much more self aware and better at managing myself emotionally than he would expect, given that I've only been diagnosed ~3 years (I might would argue the opposite in my case, as I've been dealing with and managing my own crazy to conform with what neurotypicals expect for that much longer because of this)
What I experienced;
I was 1.5 weeks into my magical overstimulating dance camp. I'd been careening for the past few days into an unmanageable state, 2 nights of too little sleep but always taking all my meds. (Swedish pdoc also implied my meds were totally insufficient, but just gave me some extra to help me sleep, nex-something)
This was manifesting as panic attacks 2-4x daily where I'd remove myself and take 25 mg of seroquel. As well as breaks with reality, paranoia about people talking about me (some of which was certainly going on) that I managed by reminding myself I'm NOT that interesting or important, and that everyone has their own rich inner life. Also some delusions of grandeur and fast talking and aggressive sexuality.
It was my birthday, so even tho I felt like shit and was on the defensive, walking around like a terrified hobo with too many things and not managing to leave an area for 4-6 hours, I hung out with "safe" people and made myself stay up for midnight birthday party.
11:30pm , I dropped one of my bags off behind the armchair of Jon, a friend. He asked if I was ok, I was shaking and probably looked terrified--colors were too bright and everything looked surreal--and I said I'm gonna go dance with a foxy lady. He said fine, he'd be there.
I take her to the dance floor and dance, feeling unsure and like shit and still that the colors and movement are too much.
I see Jon in the DJ booth on this floor and IMMEDIATE THOUGHT IS oh shit he's in two places at once I'm hallucinating and maybe the person I talked to in the other room wasn't him at all it was a doppelgänger or someone else ENTIRELY who I do NOT feel safe with--
So I did a reality check. Told the girl HOLD ON and sprinted back to the other room to check. Jon wasn't there. Ergo, logicked that time was compressed in my head and he actually just moseyed over.
Went out to smoke a cig and calm down. Scrambling, felt full of fear, did not calm down, went to bday celebrations and bolted because it looked and felt so fucking surreal like a 50's older person tea party and I felt like hunter s. Thompson crashing and seeing lizards. Was dragged back. Ate cake. Nearly broke down and sobbed. Went to bed.
So, about on par for my birthdays. 😅
TLDR; if you have the certainty of a hallucination and all the fear and feels but then quash it almost immediately, is it still a hallucination? Would I have had to operate under mad assumptions based on the feeling and brain buzzard for it to "count?" Or did it just not last long enough? Because it certainly impacted me.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm trying this year To take one step at a time. To write things down, in a planner, so the plethora of thoughts have a home. I'm trying to put myself out there, emotionally, and with a want to learn, but not put myself down with what capabilities I bring to the table. At the beginning of the day I will ask what I can do for myself *in the moment*, no need to jump ahead.
I am drinking more water.
I am stretching.
I will not wither away.
It's so exhausting.
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self.Anxiety
|
If you can’t handle me... When I sleep 12-15 hours a day and can’t groom myself 80% of the time you don’t deserve me when I get a Nobel prize for economics and social engineering, a category they will create when they see the plans I’ve got to transform the globe in 3-6 months tops.
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self.bipolar
|
FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
|
An old friend just messaged me and I'm too ashamed/terrified to respond. I hate living like this. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't know how to explain my feelings, but I'll try So, I am in this unrequited love situation. I work with this coworker, who I have strong feelings for, stronger feelings I've ever had with anyone. I connect with her well, and we laugh and always have a great time together. She hasn't explicitly told me she doesn't like me, but she has a girlfriend.
Now, I understand that I should give up my feelings for her, and I should definitely not try to pursue her. I know this. I also know that she's the only person I have felt so strongly for. I work closely with her in the same office, and I have been thinking about switching to another office.
I have had social phobia for awhile now, and I'm really upset that I have connected so well with her, considering that I don't really connect with anyone. I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am also gay, and that limits the number of people available where I live.
I don't know. It makes me really sad and suicidal because I don't believe I'll ever be with someone that make me as happy as I am with her.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A strange issue: panic attacks around throwing up? Throwaway.
I dont mean throwing up as a result of panicking, but panicking as a result of throwing up. Anyone, anything, sound, sight, even the acknowledgement that someone somewhere near me has been sick trips me out. Except watching it on a phone or something, which doesnt seem to bother me one bit?
I have had one instance of what i think is a "panic attack" in my life, and it was caused by trying to hold a bucket for a drunk friend while he was throwing up on his floor. It didnt end well, i think i got hysterical, fled the flat and slept outside, i dont remember too well. I used to think i had arachnophobia, because spiders made me kinda uncomfortable, but i know thats not a phobia anymore, just a weird fear, because *this* is a phobia. I would rather bathe in spiders than deal with this.
Long story short, Ive been ill for a few days, and this morning, my flatmates have started being sick. I did what every normal person in my situation would do: sit in bed shaking for 40 minutes, bring heart rate down from like 170 to a respectable level, crawl to bathroom, and then sterilise every single surface in my room including me (all this because i overheard a conversation where someone *might* have said they were sick. I have no proof yet). I have plans to not leave my roomq for the next 48 hours. Theres water and (unhealthy but edible) food here but if it keeps whats out there away, then im probably fine right?
Im just here for help really. I dont know how to deal with this at all. I know the common approach is "just take some ipecac and be sick and youll see theres no reason to panic" but.... really? Thats the best you got? Thats the exact fucking opposite of what i want to be doing. Are there other methods of doing it? Ive got headphones in so i cant hear anything, Ive considered happy pills to forget about it, or just accepting if i ever throw up ill likely get shock and then cardiac arrest and then die. But at least ill only be sick once... really not sure how to handle this, but its serious enough that its a detriment to my health now so i need some help with it. Thanks for reading. Ill just go back to sitting in bed carefully watching every feeling my stomach gets :(
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self.Anxiety
|
I am going home to my Trump supporter family and I am not thrilled. Ok so my parents are life-long Republicans. I've always leaned pretty liberal, but I never had a problem with them.
That is until about a year ago. My dad started off liking Trump. They have the same alma mater, so I just thought he wanted a Wharton grad in the oval office. No, apparently. Over the past year, my Dad has shown himself to be a complete and utter xenophobic racist and I did not know this about my father until a year ago.
My Mom is very judgmental of divorce. I thought she would use her judgmental bitchiness for good this time and scoff at the fact a nominee was on his third wife. But not so.
Anyway, the past year has been hell. I've been basically stabbing myself under the table with a fork at every family dinner to not say anything. My parents have definitely gotten weirder since the election. My Dad's temper has been out of control. I feel like my relationship with them has completely eroded.
Gotta get this off my chest before Turkey Day, when I'm bringing my thoughtful, left-leaning boyfriend into this crazy.
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self.offmychest
|
Life isn't fair. I've made mistakes. I've made mistakes that have affected other people. I've made mistakes that affect me. I've made mistakes that affect me and other people as one. I want my mistakes to disappear, I want them to be erased from my memory and I want the outcomes of those mistakes to disappear and not affect anyone. I so strongly want the loved one who I have hurt to forgive me and accept me and cherish me like she once did. But I realize I hurt her, and I realize that she may never feel the same way about me that she once did, and that there is nothing I can do to change that. But holy shit does it hurt, it consumes all of my thought and I think that sometimes I am obsessed. There isn't a day where I don't think about her and what she is doing and where she is and who she is talking to. There isn't a day where I can ignore those things, my thoughts wander and that is where they end up and it kills me on the inside. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone else. I truly am sorry for what I've done to you, and I know we still talk but I hope you can realize that my feelings for you are as strong as ever.
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self.depression
|
Talking to strangers I'm 23 and have been living with depression since I was 13. Up until this point I've been able to guilt myself into living by thinking about my mom finding out, but now it's not enough anymore. I've been to 3 different shrinks, went to a group counseling thing, one doctor even suggested having me commuted to an emotionally disturbed youth clinic, but nothing has worked. So now I'm posting this because I've literally have no idea what else to do, so if anyone is up for talking I guess that be a start. If not then fuck it I guess I don't know.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm so exhausted and damaged. If you can see my post history, my recent post is one of the reasons I'm contemplating to kill myself.
Also is the fact that I will never be accepted for who I am.
The fact that I cannot be the person I want to be.
The fact that I am not continuously happy despite of my achievements in life.
The fact that I have a dietary disorder and mental issues. I've tried therapy but it hasn't worked so well.
I love those who care for me. But I'm just so done. Please let me go.
I know I am not capable enough to kill myself (still afraid) but don't let me go to that point where I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm so sad and miserable
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Possible Zoloft side-Effects? First time posting here, so I hope this is the right format. I'll try to be concise.
Some background:
- I was diagnosed with depression years ago, but in February I was also diagnosed with anxiety.
- Prior to that, the only medication I was taking was Trazodone 50mg, which is technically an anti-depressant, but I was prescribed it as a sleep aid.
- The doctor started me on Zoloft 50mg for the anxiety, in addition to the Trazodone. I've been taking it for 7 weeks now.
At first, I didn't notice any side-effects from the Zoloft whatsoever. It went really well, and it's been a HUGE improvement for my mood. I went from nearly being hospitalized from anxiety in January, to now where I'm mostly in a good mood and haven't had any episodes at all. I've been under the impression things were going great.
Two weeks ago, I started feeling dizzy and fatigued and drowsy and headachey around my eyes. I went to the doctor, thinking I had a sinus infection, and was given antibiotics for it. But even taking the antibiotics and over-the-counter dayquil, the symptoms haven't gone away. Over the past 3-4 days, they've been getting a bit worse.
Tonight, I had... an episode, I guess. I started feeling super nauseated. About 30 minutes later, my vision went blurry, my heart rate sky-rocketed, my hands were shaking, I started sweating and feeling like I was separating from my body, and the dizziness got so bad I barely made it into bed before I fainted. I was able to sleep most of it off, but even now I'm still feeling overly dizzy and unable to focus.
I'm definitely going to the doctor today, but this terrified me.
Are these Zoloft side effects just showing up late? Has anyone else had an experience like this? I'm giving myself a panic attack reading about serotonin syndrome, lol.
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self.Anxiety
|
Is it weird to not have any side effects while taking Citalopram? I’ve been taking it for about a week and I feel nothing, it’s like I’m not even taking them. Maybe the 10mg is too weak of a dose?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My really good friend just told me he has feelings for me after he made a move. My boyfriend is one of his good friends too. I️ have a boyfriend who is leaving for two years to do service in another country for our church, so we aren’t breaking up, but we won’t be dating when he leaves in a week.
I have an off campus class with my friend. I fell asleep on my friend, and I woke up and he had put his arm around me and was grazing my legs and hips. It had turned from something like leaning on a friend’s shoulder to something much more intimate to him and I didnt know what to do because I was super close with him but I didnt want to embarrass him. I ended up sitting up and just giving some distance. I confronted him about it, and he says he has feelings for me but didn’t say anything because I️ have a boyfriend who is one of his good friends. I’m questioning everything in our friendship that I thought was just cool where maybe he was into me? He says he’s okay to just be friends and he’s sorry for letting it get out of hand but I dont know how to not be awkward thinking that he has feelings for me/ moving forward 😶
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self.offmychest
|
Resurfacing after two great years Ive been on a med combo that has worked for me for over two years. I know that you don't "beat" depression, but ive been killing it for the past two years.....recently it's reared its ugly head and suddenly I find myself in a place I haven't been in ages. I'm sad, lonely, and scared.
Durring the past few years ive worked hard and become a reliable friend and employee. Now I find myself in a place where all the progress and relationships ive made are now in jeopardy.
Ive scheduled a doc appointment for this month, bit while I wait for my appointment I'm trying to explain to those around me why I seem like a completely different person....
When I noticed the first signs of what was happening, I doubled my antidepressants. Its had no effect. Is it common for a medication that has great affects in the past to suddenly no longer work? Id love to hear from anyone with similar situations.
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self.depression
|
grieving while tumbling doooowwwnnnnn Hi. I'm 28. Diagnosed with bipolar. Sister is diagnosed with bipolar. Aunt is diagnosed with bipolar. Mom was diagnosed with bipolar. It runs in the fucking family. My mother has been addicted to prescription drugs since I was in middle school. She stayed downstairs in her bedroom all day. She taped black trash bags to the windows so no light would come in and she would listen to pink floyd all day. One day when she was high and I was 13 she explained to me what Comfortably Numb meant and how she could relate. My mom killed herself last month. I was numb for weeks. I don't know if I'm still numb. We're scattering her ashes on the 15th, her birthday. She was a libra. I think I may be falling apart. I knew that when I found out she died that I would do whatever the fuck I wanted and explain my bad behavior simply by saying "my mom's dead". I have a BF of 5 years but we're so different and I can't open up to him without him being what I perceive to be as critical. He a Sag. I'm an aquarius. I'm just sad and lonely. I've never felt so alone. I need to let some of this out and I guess what better way to do it than with complete anonymity. Hope everyone is well.
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self.bipolar
|
Crippling Insomnia Last 3 Months. Morning all. I have had the last 3 months what in my eyes is crippling insomnia. I'd like some advice from people who know anything about my situation. First of let me just say that I have tried almost every recommended solution that people have told me about, I have tried every OTC sleep aid but I feel I might as well take a sugar pill because they do nothing. I've tried fish oils, B complex vitamins, GABA supplements. You name it, I have tried it, that also goes for sleep hygiene and meditation.
Little bit of background for you guys. I am an Air Traffic Controller. Not for much longer. I am yet to g out if it. I was addicted to video games for the past 8 or so years of my life, I used to stay up very late each night gaming, 10-18 hours a day depending on it been a weekday or weekend.
About 3 months ago I had what I'm guessing was a meltdown. I was burying myself in computers while trying to focus on training for ATC at the same time. I snapped after drinking a monster energy at 7pm back in August and had 5 nights of no sleep after it. I became very depressed and cried a lot. Most day to be honest. I also had horrible anxiety added to that. Over the last 3 months i went cold turkey in gaming, sold my PC and am now 96 days of gaming. Life is better now except for sleep issues. While all my other issues such as depression went away with time my sleep is still messed up. It's like the last issue I have and it sucks because I just want to live and sleep normally again.
My sleep has "morphed over the months. It started as raging anxiety and overactive thoughts, then that settled and it turned into utter restlessness. I couldn't sit still at all. Now it's a weird sensation I feel just before nodding of. Like a wave of anxious feelings and panic hits me for 30 seconds and then subsides but the strange thing is it ONLY happens in bed before sleep. If I hop out of bed it goes and I feel fine again. Usually it was 1am - 2am before I'd fall asleep but since the doctor told me I won't be going back to ATC it has gotten worse this past week or 2.
I need help! Is this going to go away with time also? How long? What can I do about the feeling?
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm Scared That I'll Be Alone Forever I'm M(14) and I just want someone to love and will love me back.
I've been confused for months on my sexuality, I think I might be bisexual but I just don't know and I'm scared because I wonder if anybody will be willing to start up a relationship with me. I'm physically flawed and well Ugly and I need advise.
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self.offmychest
|
16 and suicidal I just want to get this off my chest.
I’m currently a junior and I have had depression since 7th grade. Low self-esteem, family issues, school, friends... I can’t seem to stop them from making me feel the urge to just cry out or even kill myself. I have cried four days straight now and I cut myself whenever I feel numb. On some days, I don’t even have an actual reason nor know why I do these things. Tears just start falling out and I feel like complete shit. I also have a boyfriend at this moment and I can’t help but feel so guilty about how he could have someone a lot more better than my worthless self; it would be better for him to go out with someone who isn’t like me. Someone who doesn’t cry all the fucking time and actually does something with their lives. Someone who’s not insecure out of their minds, not boring to be around. I already promised that I would stop cutting myself too.
Sometimes I think about how I might just be being selfish about all this. I ask myself why I feel this way when I had a great childhood with a caring family. Going to school, having a roof over my head. I’m probably making a big deal out of everything since I’m only 16 and life should be easy. I shouldn’t be sad right? I lost all my hobbies, interests, and I quit swimming practices and violin lessons. It’s ok though, my mom wouldn’t be able to afford those anymore anyways. I basically don’t do anything when I get back home from school. I’ve wasted so much time in my life.
About two days ago, I fought with my mom again. I came home late and she started screaming at me. She started talking about how much she works for me, why I never listen to her, why I’m like this, why I am who I am. Listening to all this, I started crying. And then she yelled,
“Why, you wanna kill yourself again?”
“I should just kill myself then. Would that make you feel better? I should just drive off and end up dead. I know I’m the reason why you’re like this anyways.”
I was upset, miserable, sick at heart. I ran to my room and locked the door. She started pounding on it, and at that very moment, I wanted to disappear from it all. The rush of panic from the the continuous pounding noise, the screaming, the crying. I went to sleep that night with swollen eyes after cutting myself again.
I’m in class right now and I can’t focus. It’s only 11:03 and I already want to go home and sleep in, wishing to not wake up the next day. I have finals next week, currently all B’s. I already know I’m gonna procrastinate and begin studying at the very last minute. I should at least try to make some small improvements in my life.. But I’m proud of myself. I have been clean for two days now and I haven’t killed myself yet.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Feeling tense on new medication Wellbutrin Started this yesterday and am feeling tense and like my body has a lot of energy it needs to get rid of but I'm still tired. I'm clenching things too and it makes my anxiety a little worse. Getting headaches with it also. Anyone else experience this? Was there anything that helped?
Edit: In the past I've tried Zoloft, Effexor, Paxil, Pristiq, and Lexapro. They all had really bad side effects and the Effexor and Zoloft made me feel numb. So trying something new and hoping it helps.
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self.depression
|
Impulses are out of control and I plan to exploit them I have BPD and the impulsivity and suicidal thoughts are currently kicking my ass. I’ve never had a real suicide plan: just a preferred method. I’ve had a love/hate relationship with heroin and an overdose has always seemed like a wonderful way to go. Sleep to oblivion as you stop breathing. But that doesn’t tend to be an impulsive way to go and opiates make me so numb I just want them, not death. So recently, I’ve been wanting to own a gun. That way when impulsivity strikes, I can just reach out and pull the trigger and go. So that’s my plan now. Walk outside and give it a shot.
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self.SuicideWatch
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[TW self harm] I'm sorry that I'm such a nuisance. Today, I begged and begged for attention from a particular (long-distance) friend since he hadn't been responding to my pms, and today he finally (and understandable) snapped at me telling me to chill out and that he's busy with his master thesis presentation and that I'm further stressing him out. It was so surprising and hurtful coming from him, because he's *always* been so nice and patient with me and I've never "seen" this side of him ever. He's such a sweet friend to me and this is how I treat him. I felt such immense guilt and felt so bad that something inside of me just broke. I cried on and off for a good 2 hours and was strongly considering reaching for my razor, before I took some anti-anxiety pills which helped me calm down. I'm sure he hates me now and doesn't want to speak me ever again and I don't blame him.
I was doing so well with my new anti-depressants until my psychiatrist instructed me to take them at different times instead of all at once which completely ruined it. I've felt like shit for 2 weeks more or less and every little thing sets me off. There were multiple occasions where I thought about going to the hospital once again for the 5th time if I'm not mistaken. Some of you might remember me as the one who was getting a cat soon and hoped she'd be a huge comfort for me, well now she's here and even though I wanted a cat for *years", I don't feel remotely happy or excited. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate myself.
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self.depression
|
the beginning of recovery, any advice? So my life kinda took a sudden turn when mid-mixed manic fit I was ready to break up with my partner of 3.5 years and she was ready to break up with me. At the time I didn't know I was bipolar. I didn't know my mother was bipolar or my aunt or the bouts of depression my cousin (all maternal side of the family). I knew my father's side's parlance for it, crazy, but at that point bipolar was something I didn't understand or have on the radar. My partner had long wanted me to go see a therapist, but I resisted, I didn't think anything was wrong with me.
So with an incoming doom to my relationship I begrudgingly went for anger management. The therapist asked questions about being up late, thoughts of hurting yourself, ect. I kinda dodged them the first session and only went with the current week where I had no problem sleeping and hadn't thought about self harm. He had mentioned medication and that kinda left him untrustworthy as I was afraid. Eventually I'd come clean about the weird obsessive behaviors for months that kept me up late and what would later be dubbed manic episodes. I set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. I was reluctant, but I did.
Unfortunately that appointment got postponed because I thought about hurting myself. And I told my partner. As we had been doing this will we won't we dance for about three weeks and unmedicated I just couldn't handle the impact to my emotional state. Particularly I had blown my personal finances, sabotaged my credit by not paying bills during a depressive state (which meant I'd need to borrow money from family), blamed myself for an injury on the dog, and had ruined the relationship with the only person in the world I cared about. She didn't handle it well, because she thought I was using myself as a hostage vs a desperate cry for help. Thankfully my family forced me to go to a doctor when I visited for the holidays and got lithium.
So I came clean about the debt, but my relationship, and home still kinda hangs in the balance but she doesn't want to kick me out when I have no money.
I feel like shit. I'm not sure how to help my partner out. I love her so much, and I can see the pain in her eyes. I know all the shitty things I did over the last year, from yelling at family members, to being pretty demanding about sex, to crazy tirades against going on a cruise, to being incredibly impatient and her feeling like she had to jump not to deal with angry me. Does anyone have any advice on helping their partner through this? I've tried explaining that wasn't the real me, but I get the response it doesn't make the pain go away. And I'd like to provide some way to heal.
In addition I'd like to patch up the relationship, but I'm not sure what would be a good idea. I thought about constructing a plan to deal with symptoms before they transform, as well as setting up a sort of contract, that would levy expectations on me such as adherence to medication and behaviors that increase likelihood like depression/mania.
Additionally for people with mixed episodes, do you still feel them through the lithium?
How do you get through the first couple months of this shit? I hate myself. The only thing I haven't self destructed is my job. I have my parents and grandparents checking up on me every couple days. My partner is unsure of me. I feel like I'm crazy and I don't know how to deal with it. I've started reading books, but man, I'm so tired of every waking thought being about bpd since this all started about a month and a half ago.
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self.bipolar
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I wish I could sleep forever. It is the best fucking part of the day. Because instead of going to sleep and having a nightmare, I wake up into one.
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self.depression
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I feel like my siblings are more loved than I am I feel like I'm just a burden to my parents, and that they're only paying attention to me because of my various health problems. Meanwhile, my sisters are always getting praise. They always won awards in school, have good jobs, are respected, and are talented and skilled in Lord knows how many things.
Yet here I am, struggling to finish highschool because I didn't have all my credits on time. I have no talents, no dreams, no aspirations. All my friends who I was supposed to graduate with are now busy with college, or their jobs, or their significant others.
I'm trying to remember the last time I've ever gotten any praise, or compliments outside of the internet. I'm drawing a blank.
I'm just jealous, is what it boils down too, and I hate myself for feeling that way.
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self.depression
|
Stripped of all my cares Yesterday my dad called me autistic, a failure, weak, coward, loser, pathetic and more, and made me leave.
But it didn't affect me and I don't care. I don't know why, I can't feel sad over this, I just feel numb. I don't care whether I live or die, or what happens to me. I just don't care, like I've been sucked dry of strong emotions.
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self.depression
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Fuck that the less you socialize the more you become needy and people pleaser, long term pain from low life individuals only them can connect to my common topics, constant disappointment, people relying on others for happiness and doing thinks cause society rules, benefits of being lonely [deleted]
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self.depression
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Antidepressant rant, REEEEEE I was on Zoloft as a kid. Went fine. Got off of it as an adult because I didn't want to be on it anymore. Did okay for a few years. Started feeling super disinterested in everything and cried all the time, so I went back on it a few months back. Now I *know* I don't want this drug anymore. Night sweats are terrible. I've become basically asexual, never caring to get off because it's become so much harder and my thoughts are always elsewhere. I can't control how I eat anymore. I'm always hungry, always craving. Tried going to counseling. After driving for 40 minutes, I got stood up by the therapist because she double booked herself. Then she tells me in an email today that my insurance won't cover sessions at all unless I reach my deductible of ~$1500. I'm thinking about going back on Wellbutrin, which I was on in high school, but I've only ever been on that in conjunction with Zoloft. Not sure how it'll perform on its own, but I *can't* keep taking Zoloft. So tempted to cold turkey.
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self.depression
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I could do with some advice. Im really struggling tonight. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I’m scared to experiment with meds switching again and I need a push. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Ahaha W h a t h e f u c k
Is wrong with me
I don't even know how to have a conversation anymore
Haha.
"Just practice"
With who
"Not my problem" ^^:)
I'm truly SO happy. Yay
I enjoy laying in bed all day
I enjoy pushing everyone that cared about me away
I especially enjoy being the one and only source of my problems
Get some help, reading this subreddit will only make you more sad.
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self.depression
|
i just dont know what to do anymore... Hey, i just turned 18 and i‘ve never felt worse. I was always happy till puberty started... i got fat and hated myself. I got stretch mark after stretch mark... one day i got a huge one and just wanted to die. I went insane and lost almost 25 kg in 2 weeks. I was finally happy, even tho i got many stretch marks. I would get laser treatment in the future i thought, moved on and lived my life. Well..for 1-2 months, then something even worse happened. I started growing alot of body hair , like ALOT. I am not exaggerating, i am srsly was/am very hairy (also black hair). That was all with 16. I just wanted to kill myself. I tried everything from shaving to rubbing hair off. I shaved every day i just hated the hair so much. Years have passed, nothing has changed i just hate it so much.. I never let anyone touch me. I am not even touching myself i just hate it... But i just dont wanna live like this. Since 16 i started skipping school cause i just dont want to go out... I dont even care what other ppl think, i just hate it so much...I wanna go to the gym or jogging but i just can‘t... i am ashamed of myself. I never had problems making friends or anything like that. I never told anyone about this problem but its getting worse and worse lately... Almost everyday i think about ways to kill myself.. I just wanna be happy again and live my life... You might think i am insane and blaming my body hair for everything. But i really dont... i think ppl would laugh at me after hearing this... Because men are hairy right?...:(
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self.depression
|
Who else is depressed to the extent that you cannot find interest/ability to focus on your favorite tv shows? I don't enjoy much of anything anymore except grape soft serve ice cream, which isn't a good thing.
My whole body aches with depression.
And.....I'm tearing up.
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self.bipolar
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I feel so betrayed. So I was diagnosed bipolar type two a few years back and I've managed it some what well. How ever in September after dealing with severe depression I decided to get help.
I've always been open about my being bipolar partly to allow others to watch for signs of mania as I tend to not notice when I slip in to it.
The new psych I went to see threw out the bipolar diagnosis and prescribed me 200mg of Zoloft to combat the depression. Now like I said I'm open about being bipolar and I have a few good friends who are pharmacists.
No one not my psych or my pharmacist friends warned me ssri's have a side effect of triggering mania. I guess every one thought I was lying when I said I was bipolar. Well surprise to me when after 3 weeks or so of being on Zoloft I slide into a depressive mania. I ruined my life every relationship I've built in the past 7 years I managed to destroy. To me I thought I was doing everyone a favor.
Two days ago I read a comment about ssri's being a trigger for mania and I started looking up information and it seems to be true. I came so very very close to killing myself. The last month has been a whirlwind of emotions for me and I feel so betrayed that no one stopped to think hey your acting weird or that my pharmacist friends would stop and say dude don't go on an ssri or at least warn me about the side effects.
My actions of course are my own and I take full responsibility for burning every bridge I could. Anyways sorry for rambling on I don't thing anyone will read this or care if they do but I needed to vent.
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self.bipolar
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Need some advice on a bipolar friend who is dear to me [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone here have no family? I have bipolar 2 and am in my 30's. I've been on and off high-functioning--had an episode earlier this year and lost my job but currently I'm well medicated again and stable. I'm 2 because no psychosis, but the hypomania can be severe/dysphoric and cause me to lose jobs.
I don't feel like I have any family in a "supportive" way. My parents are both estranged from their families, and grandparents are all dead. I have a nice relationship with my parents but they are both old and in relatively poor health. They have no idea I am bipolar and don't believe in mental illness (old school immigrant types). I have a great relationship with my sister who is aware of my diagnosis, but she lives across the country, has a job that involves a lot of international travel and is deep into that lifestyle. I love my family but they are more like good friends. I've directly asked them if I could come and stay with them when I'm not stable (I basically mask this with some other problem) and they said no. My mom is caretaking for my dad right now and my sister has a tiny apartment with a roommate she's transient in. I've been borderline homeless in this situation a few times, and it sucks.
It's very tiring seeing people with other mental illness and medical issues supported by their families. As soon as I was stable again, I immediately went back to full time work which means 50ish hours a week for me if my sleepy commute is included. That's the only "support" I've been able to maintain. It's ok when I'm stable, but still can be rough. I've been looking for more support as I'm getting older, so I've joined some groups related to my hobbies and made a lot of new friends.
That's going well but it's still casual stuff at the moment. Maybe there is a mental health org I can make aware of my situation. Just wondering if anyone is in my position and can tell me about your situation and how you deal with it. Thanks.
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self.bipolar
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All day at work I can’t wait to get home. When I get home I feel empty and depressed. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Losing relationship, life feels futile and like nothing will ever get better. Support please? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Had a good run of happiness for two days. [deleted]
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self.depression
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What exactly does medication actually help you with? Hi there! Title basically.
I'm sorry if this is a really basic and maybe vague question. I'll be honest and say that only now, after about 10 years, I've decided to do something about my mental health. I want to know a little more before going to a professional though because it's going to take a lot of courage for me.
I'm just unsure if medication will help me. I've avoided looking into it in all ways, so I just want to understand things a little more. I'm sorry I find it difficult to put my thoughts into words but any answer would help. Thank you for reading. :)
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self.Anxiety
|
Hello! First time poster here. Need some advice or direction on where to go So I kinda had some issues with a few things from my past involving an assault. It still hurts me sometimes so my mother recommended I see a counselor.
I see said counselor and she gets me to open up about what happened and how it’s effected me and so on. But after we got down to that topic in particular, she wanted to know about me personally and how I feel and react to things. What makes me sad/happy/angry...so I open up about it all.
I’m very aware I have some sort of chemical imbalance, but never got it diagnosed or anything. My father suffers the same thing (it runs in our family apparently), and thought me going to a doctor about it is dumb because I can “allllllwwwaaaays” talk to him about it.
Anyways, I told her about my long periods of being angry for no reason to the point to where I’m punching/throwing things and hurting myself. Cussing out loud to myself while pacing. Taking things out on people around me. Being set off by the smallest things I don’t realize till I calm down. I told her about how I get so depressed sometimes to the point to where I feel like I can’t do anything and I don’t really care to. If I leave my bad I’ll cry and if it’s bad enough I’ll have a panic attack and scream/cry freaking out. I’ve had suicidal thoughts multiple times. Even tried it a couple...the worst time was when I was drunk though which might have triggered it more. I tried killing my self in front of my entire family and have no memory-day before I tried killing myself sober & failed. I guess the feeling care back intoxicated...still felt terrible for my family having to see that ):
But then there are times where I’m extremely happy and laughing. Rather hyper even. It’s almost kind of annoying I feel like but my friends find it funny when I’m like that.
After talking to her about this she said she can’t diagnose me, but she feels like I need to see a psychiatrist. She thinks I have some type of “manic depression” as she called it. Which I later find is another way of saying bipolar I suppose.
Should I follow her advice? I’m just scared I’ll find out that I am bipolar or something else. I guess I’m scared to face it if that makes sense. But my stepmom thinks it would be good if I knew, and that I’d understand myself a bit better if I knew. Need advice...please. Anyone?
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self.bipolar
|
Feeling Guilty for Having a Good Day First time posting in reddit period, just downed a bottle of Soju and thought why not post here.
So I'm dealing with Depression and Anxiety, seeing a therapist occasionally.
Today I had a good day at work. The moment I left work... I started feeling guilty for having a good day. How do I cope with this voice that tells me "You're not good enough, you don't deserve this"
I need help with dealing with this voice. How do I stop it?
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self.depression
|
I missed my chance. I met this wonderful girl last year. She was currently dating someone and I didn't know her yet.
Something about her was grabbed my attention which is rare.
Last month we went and got coffee. I was immediately smitten. Something about her grabbed my attention like no one else has been able to do. However I noticed she express concern about dating someone as old as I am (19/24). I wimped out and backed off.
A month passed we talked again and she wanted to get coffee and meet up. Listening to her talk about her passions was incredibly attractive. At the end she casually mentioned she just started dating someone.
Fuck.
I'm genuinely happy for her but she is poison to my heart.
I missed my chance.
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self.offmychest
|
Did any of you THINK you had depression/bipolar/suicidal to later have a psychiatrist diagnose you with an anxiety disorder instead? I knew I had some type of social anxiety disorder, but I've also been feeling very depressed and suicidal. The psychiatrist I saw thinks I'm simply a lot more anxious than I even thought.
It's a new theory so even if I disagree with him, I'll take the medication he prescribed (10 mg of Celexa) - if it works than _fantastic._ It's worth trying.
Let me clarify: I don't feel anxious at work at all at my current job, but the tasks make want to cry and run out.
Anyway, was this the case with any of you? Were you "suicidal" but turned out it was anxiety, and anxiety medication helped?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Zero Sum Game If psychologists are right and the demons of depression do exist as part of us (part of our minds and part of our chemical reactions) then it is a zero sum game for them to take us out of this world, because if they do they take themselves out as well.
When I treated the memories, the doubts, the fears, the gloomy outlook, the feelings of there being no point as separate demonic enemies which live inside my head space and told them this - they weakened and then relented and I felt better. I ended my self conversation with letting them know that these demons in my thought need a better hobby than tearing down the place that they live in.
Not sure if this might help others, but it made me feel less pain and emptiness and all things bad.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I miss affection. Title is pretty much it. My boyfriend is the best I could ask for. I just wish he was affectionate.
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self.offmychest
|
Best coping skills? I’ve had enough of this anxiety and depression. I’m barely even living anymore and I’m just so done. I want to feel better...
|
self.Anxiety
|
I actually feel okay today I've been extremely down for the past few weeks. I've been crying on and off every day for the past week and haven't been to school for two weeks (I have a doctors note, and my grades are still all A's which is very shocking to me)
School is very important to me. I go to school an hour and a half from home and I am thinking of transferring next semester to the school close to home so I have my support system near if this happens to me again. Opinions? Should I stay independent in another city and learn to deal with this on my own or come home and hopefully learn to be stable in an environment where I know I have a safety net? I've already medically withdrew from school once, if I constantly have to do that they may be more inclined to not accept me back.
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self.bipolar
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I nearly jumped in front of a bus today [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Experiences with Abilify and Lithium combined? I'm currently on 10mg Abilify and 1200mg Lithium. I will probably go up on both soon. I've only been on abilify for a week now and so far all I've noticed is that it helps me get out of bed faster. Usually I stay in bed for 4 hours before getting up but lately it's been immediately or like 30 minutes. What are your experiences with these meds combined? Or, just abilify?
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self.bipolar
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Ever feel like the biggest reason nothing in your life is going right is because you never wanted to be alive in the first place? I've been on winter break for over a week now, and I've spent a majority of my day watching Netflix and YouTube. I have an internship coming up on January 15 that I should be excited about, but honestly, I'm just excited about the paycheck. I'm not excited about working. If I could spend the rest of my life sitting in front of my laptop, I probably would do that.
I just don't find life interesting and fun. As my dad has said about me, I'm lazy and I'm not curious about the world around me. Well duh I'm not! I never chose to be alive and I wish I weren't because I find this world so damn boring. As for the whole Heaven and Hell debate, even though I'm a Christian, I'd rather just have my spirit disappear like a candle being blown out. I wouldn't mind forgetting everything and becoming nothing. It sounds ideal.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Personal Coping Mechanism I've been practicing sitting myself down when my anxiety is taking over and writing a list with two columns: one column that lists out what I think is feeding my intense feelings of anxiety and the other column lists out what short term action I can take to minimize the feelings.
For example, I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with work lately that I am almost too sit down and work on anything. So I wrote down possible short term solutions to this feeling. One of which is to start just one single task. Anything. Even it is just writing an email. It brings a sense of control back to me.
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self.Anxiety
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How to I help my recent EX GF? Therapy questions I think my ex GF needs help. I knew she was depressed before but I just saw her for the first time since the break up which was 3 weeks ago and she is in rough shape. Can't eat or sleep and just wants to drive her car into a tree.
I think she needs help, probably in the form of therapy. I don't know anything about therapy and I live in a small town. How do people afford therapy? I feel like I can't suggest it because it would be another expense for her. I am worried about her and I can't leave her like this.
Any advise would be appreciated.
Also I will say the break up has been weird and we both still do love and miss each other. She had a childhood/adolescence filled with abuse so I'm sure it's stemmed from that. She's never had therapy but she needs to learn to love herself.
Thank you, happy Thanksgiving
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self.depression
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I swing heavily between narcissism and insecurity, and it is almost always based on my interactions with girls. Asking a girl out? She says yes! The world is bright and sunny. I cannot stop smiling.
Days draw on. I doubt myself - she was being nice, I pressured her into it....
We meet. I am elated. It goes swimmingly.
Again, the doubt and anguish follow the days after.
etc, etc, etc.
I have the feeling this is due to my (unintentional) obsession, whereby I CANNOT for the life of me keep them out of my thoughts. Why haven't they replied????? They don't like me anymore?????
etc.
Obviously this is not true. They have lives other than me, and I should be able to function having a life that doesn't revolve around my interactions with them. I know I need to work on this somehow.
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self.depression
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I went to an overpriced hipster restaurant and had to cancel my order because they didn't take cash. They told me they could take Samsung pay though... So I was standing in line ordering lunch and ordered soup and avocado toast. Both ridiculously over priced for the quantity but whatever I was hungry and I recently got my wisdom teeth out so there is very little I can eat right now. It came up to 19.99$ so I handed them a 20$ bill. They said 'oh we don't take cash'. They don't even have a cash register. And of course I decide to get lunch from here when I get forget to bring my wallet that day. Either way cash is easier to track. I was so hungry I nervously looked around me and asked a couple if I gave them 25$ would they pay for my 20$ meal I think they thought that I wanted to take their credit card I wasn't trying to do that I was just so hungry and frustrated and in pain from wisdom teeth. I just had to get this off my chest. I'm not in the city a lot and Hipsters are their own brand of people but I really think you should be able to pay with cash still. Also I wasn't trying to be creepy and ask a couple for their credit card I was just worried that the restaurant would have made the food and I wouldn't have been able to pay for it.
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self.offmychest
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Benadryl vs seroquel for sleep? My pdoc joked the other day that she wants to do a study comparing benadryl and seroquel for sleep because she thinks they'd have the same effect.
Anyone have any experience comparing the two? Does anyone know if there's any science on how each one works and what the longer term effects could be?
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self.bipolar
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I'm so tired of hating myself I've had mental health issues ever since I hit adolescence. Anxiety, low self esteem, depression. If I'm not panicking, I'm feeling worthless and sorry for myself. I have a lot to be thankful for, good paying job, girlfriend who loves me, no major family issues or anything like that, but the one thing I can never come to terms with is myself.
I've tried so many different antidepressants, I've tried therapy, I've tried self-help and meditation... I always feel better for a day or two because I feel like "this is it! This time it's finally going to change!" but it always comes back. No matter what I achieve or where I go, I'm always focused on things about myself that I don't like.
I just want to wake up one day and not want to cry. I just want to lay in bed at the end of the day and honestly think "I did great today, I'm proud of myself" or "Wow what a fun day, I hope I get to do that again!" But I have never felt that way in decades, so why should anything change now? Everything is gray, bleak, and meaningless and always will be.
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self.depression
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How I started screwing around, and second thoughts about my lifestyle choices. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I just want credit for my art. Is that too much to ask? I'm not angry; I'm just annoyed with myself for being bad at explaining, and annoyed with my sister for not getting it.
I don't know where else I can put this, and I kind of need to rant about it if I want to sleep at all tonight.
I had a kind of photo shoot session with my baby sister (who's a teen) and then I posted a lot of the photos on facebook. I expected her to use them, but she only gave me credit for them on instagram.
On facebook, she used one as her profile with no caption, and when people say, "This picture is awesome," she just thanks them.
I don't like jumping in and saying, "Hey, there, stranger. I see you like the photo that I took. Thanks for the compliment," but I also want people to know that it's one of mine.
I told her she should credit me, because not all of her friends will have seen my album, and she got all salty about it like, "Well, you tagged me in the album, and I think people are smart enough to know where it came from, but yeah, I guess I'll mention you *every* time someone comments on it, if that makes you happy." Like, no, that's not what I meant; quit being so passive-aggressive.
She's studying cosmetology--she should know how much it's worth to get credit for something you do.
For example, if she gave me an epic haircut, and someone complimented me, I'd tell them, "Thanks, my sister did it." Proper credit can lead to potential clients.
I just don't know how I can be nicer than, "Please credit me when you use my photos, and not just on instagram." I know it's her face, but it's also my art.
**NOTE:** I didn't watermark the photos because there are literally like 100-ish good photos out of the almost-200 that I took originally. And that's not even including the ones I took for potential book covers for my writing group (most of those don't have her face in them).
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self.offmychest
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having no friends is a crazy thing (I have a small handful of online friends who I love to death, but im just talking about irl here)
Being a college student and having absolutely no one to confide in or talk to is so surreal. The only people who call me are family members, mom, dad, grandma, ect. And I always spend my free time in my dorm room. I've only gotten along with one roommate in college, but she soon left the school to transfer to somewhere else. All the other roommates I've had were...not my kind of people. Now I'm in a quad with 3 strangers, so I spend my days in my little safe haven of a room.
My college population isnt known for its 'weird' groups. Very few anime folks or furries, and the ones that are are comPLETELY over the top like they dont know how to handle theirselves in a public setting.
All my highschool pals either go to college out of state or went into the military, so adios to them.
I go home every weekend because theres nothing for me at that campus outside of academics. I used to be in a few clubs, but later got bored and abandoned them. ---Dont even get me started on the anime club.----
But anywho, chilling at home with never any plans can take its toll. Seeing all these "Me and my girlfriend" or "My group of friends had the best time" posts can really get to ya. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes, I'm just here thinking about how I'm wasting my "best years" at home alone.
I'd love to go to some events and things in my area (which isnt a very safe area, mind ya!) but a college-age girl going out to places alone at night just isnt a very smart thing to do.
When I was 17, there was a Melanie Martinez concert in my area. I was Hyped. I fucking love her music. I told my dad, and he asked "Who are you going with? You can't go alone." (Which is totally reasonable.)
I called up my (now Only irl pal-the one who's in college in another state) and asked if she wanted to go. She did not. People where I grew up in did Not care for music that wasnt rap/r&b. And I dont like either of those genres.
I offered that she could go for free.
She did not want to go.
So guess what? I couldn't go either.
TL;DR: anime is my only friend
thanks for reading this long ass passage
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self.offmychest
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An indescribable feeling that leads to a depressive state I get this feeling every so often and it’s incredibly difficult to explain, so I am sort of hoping someone can understand what I am saying from my description, and perhaps has felt it and knows how I feel.
Essentially sometimes I get this overwhelming sense of guilt/shame/ embarrassment or something for no reason at all, and it is almost as if I am outside of myself as a bystander and can see all of my past mistakes and things that could potentially cause these feelings, and while I am myself am not judging myself on these feelings the “bystander me” is judging me and I feel this awkwardness from that judgment.
This feeling also often triggers a shift into my depressive mood state.
Is this a sort of anxiety attack?
An existential crisis/ disorder?
Is it a dissociative state or crisis?
I just want to understand this feeling and so far I haven’t found anyone that really knows what I mean.
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self.bipolar
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Gaining memory, losing denial. Eroding from the inside out. PSA contains sexual assault. Also, sorry for text wall.
Throwaway. Boyfriend and close friends are essentially all redditors & I don't want anyone close to me to have to hear these details. I've spoken about this before with some people, mainly & mostly my boyfriend, but I did us both the favor of outlining concepts instead of really painting the picture. Especially as my current boyfriend had been friends with my ex at one point, I don't think having those mental images for him is going to in any way help me - but it will certainly hurt him to hear.
I'm already waiting on mental health steps with my doctor for other issues and while I think I'll take this issue with me then, I just don't think I can wait to get it off my chest.
I had already accepted and largely processed the main assult that my ex did to me. I still get in my head about it from time to time or have nightmares but, with the current high concentration density of sexual assault stories going around it unearthed some connections I identify with I hadn't considered fully, previously.
I dated my first boyfriend when I was 15 or so for five or so years. He was 5 years older than me, and while that was pause for a number of people on our relationship ( understandably ), most people who knew me closely were oddly ok with it. My parents didn't take much convincing as they trusted me. However, there was plenty of concern and although in the plain sense the age disparity did not cause the relationship problems ( I would still say in many ways I still believe I had an upper hand in maturity ) - in an ironic sense they did contribute to my suffering. I ended up being so worried about defending against the notion that something could go wrong, that when it did I was too wrapped up in defence mode.
The [ couple ] times I tried to open up about feeling I had been assaulted the first question was were you PIV raped - and when the answer was no it was relief on their part and like oh well at least it wasn't that. While that is true, it just deflated me and I felt invalidated. The only other time I tried I was drunk with some friends and they showed me my exes wedding invitation they'd received in the mail and talking about how happy & good he is. Being drunk I said, he isn't that goody two-shoes you think he is. I kept this to myself but he assaulted me. More than once. He sucks. But the idea of ruining a visage of a friend was too offputting and I got the message nobody wanted to know. I dropped it and never touched it again.
My ex did not understand consent. If he did, and behaved the way he did it makes him even worse.
I realized the other day a pattern of abusive behaviour I had shrugged off and now I cant rip it off of my mind. It's baked onto my brain like tar. He would put me or wait till I was in a situation where making a fuss would put him on the spot.
I would have to choose between making it obvious that something was happening - with people either in the room or just outside of it - and jeprodize our relationship, or just let it happen. We are both from very religious families and any sexual conduct ( while there is leeway if you just have nothing go on infront of anyone and plausible deniability ) would have been a real issue to confront in that way.
We started off long distance. My mom went with me on my first couple trips out there. She did her due diligence to the best of her ability. My parents didn't do anything wrong. They tried so hard to make it possible for me to be happy.
He molested me in the car on the way back to his home from the airport. With two of our parents in the front seat. It was night and there was something covering us in the back, not sure if it was a blanket or just all the luggage I was holding. I tried to move his hands off me but he kept at it and at one point I was so sure he was going to be caught because I was shuffling around. This was not half an hour after arrival on a long booked trip during the summer. I tried to tell myself it was something it wasn't and that I didn't mind. But I did. I was given no opportunity to say no but I expressed it. I feel like an idiot as an adult now, but I was amazingly gaslit and I rationalized it and told myself I had wanted it.
He assaulted me outside his house in front of it and again I tried to tell myself I wanted it. Not that I was letting it happen out of fear of making more of a scene and getting caught.
I was guilted and broken down into performing sex acts that maybe I was ok doing at one point, but of my own will and not at the drop of a hat. He would later accuse me of corrupting his religious sensibilities and needed me to be a better example of a woman. He used both extremes that he demanded of me, against me, at whatever moment suit his agenda day by day. I was crazy trying to keep up with what was wanted of me and forever being short. I realize only now how manipulative it was. I told myself all kinds of excuses at the time. There aren't excuses.
He assaulted me while I was watching after my little brother, while in my grandparents home while my family was there on vacation. He used the fact that my brother was IN the room and if I made a fuss it would be a commotion with people in the home and I would have jeprodized everything. When I was upset later he pulled out a classic " I dont know if I love you " when I said you don't treat people you love this way, in a fight about communication. But, then he cried and said sorry a thousand times - like always.
The scenarios like this go on. Wait till there is a time where for me to say no somebody will wonder whats going on and the fear of making a scene kept me from being more forceful. I also was just too glazed, and told myself I wanted it. I knew I didn't. I realize now I was only putting up coping mechanisms.
I have always ( and even sometimes still do ) struggled with being touched. I'm quite high strung and have super bad muscle tension and sometimes gentle things hurt to the touch. I have, since I can remember, not been a hugger. Only more into my 20s am I more comfortable there. Younger I recoiled at being held and touched as often as not. I have never liked being that way, though, and with my ex was trying to work on it. I would ask to cuddle and or just have a back rub or have him touch my arm, or leg. Just to have somebody I trusted touch me to help me get used to it. It was helping for a while. My relationship with my ex was sexual but stopping before penetrative sex, oral not included. I honestly would probably have been ok going there at the time but it was more his wanting to not for moral reasons. Mental gymnastics.
Eventually the touching got to a point where I was finally comfortable for the most part and experiencing less physical tension. At this point it became more sexual. Both as a bit of a kink and also to play into the mind game of a submission to trust of a person ( trust and anxiety being a big reason for the hypertension ), some soft restraints were encoporated at this point. I had restricted hand and feet movement. Sometimes I would be blindfolded too. Candles sometimes and just being held or sensually carressed. It was nice until it wasn't. Each time I was careful to establish what I was comfortable with, up for that day / encounter, and then specifically what I was Not wanting to happen.
The last time this happened I told my ex I didn't want to veer to much on the sexual element. I told him he could touch me gently whereever, but I didn't want to give him head - specificially have him cum in my mouth. He hadn't listened to that one previously when I had asked once ( not always ) and it left me not wanting it.
Instead he waited till I had fully submitted to being restrained, blindfolded me, and after only moments of touching me he started smearing his dick on my face. I told him it wasn't funny and I didn't want to and I had already indicated as much clearly. He had that stupid tone in his voice he would get, and I imagined his stupid face I couldn't see making that stupid rapey face he would make. He didn't listen. He just kept saying placating things while trying more and more forcefully to shove his dick in my mouth while I said no. " comeon... comeonn…".
I was living in my parents basement suite and they could have heard a loud enough commotion and again my panic at making a big deal while he was over on this trip at my place… and I was trying to calculate how to handle this while hes rubbing his dick all over me. I would have said no again but he opened my mouth and rammed his dick in my face. I thought at the time he thought he was using hot dirty talk but… He just told me to shut up ( had no choice with his dick down my throat ), and to take it, and to like it. I just went into a place of thinking it was ok I'm ok - and waiting for it to end. Just lying there while he throat fucked me holding my head and grunting at me to take it till he came in my mouth. Telling me to swallow and like it, as he announced he was cumming.
I can't explain how I felt after.
But I was upset at the betrayal on so many levels immediately and he didn't want to own he did anything wrong. " I thought you would like it ". It was a break in trust I didn't recover from while in our relationship and took me months to be able to be properly ( grain of salt ) intimate with him again. This was used as blackmail against me, of course, to get what he wanted. I initiated sexual ( consensual ) acts prior, and even though he was my first sexual partner he always seemed skeptical because in his perception I knew what I was doing too well, and I think it formed a whorish perception of me somehow.
He would call me a liar when I'd ask him to not tug on my breasts or finger me rough, and he'd say - you said you liked it before. I would try to say just because I was ok with it once, doesn't mean I am now or always. But that just made me a liar, either initially or the time I "changed my mind".
After time, and I thought I had moved on, he was back on his I just want to see your body and we can do oral etc but lets keep away from PIV. I had that expectation when he bent me over, still largely clothed, and I had to ask him what he was doing as he worked around my underpants and I felt his dick start to prod between my lips. I said wtf are you doing? He just uses that dumb voice, "huh…". Doesn't stop. He's got me bent over and holding me by hips, and I can feel him starting to push at me and I have to crawl / pull away from him saying no, wtf are you doing. "oh. Uh…m… I wasn't going to." Well then why do you say one thing, and then I feel your head saying hello to my clit?
He abused me mentally. Emotionally. He grabbed me hard enough to leave finger marks on me. Once because I tossed a teddybear at him gently to get his attention when he had refused to look at me for however many hours in favor of battlefront or some shit. Do it again, and see what happens. He said. But I was the abusive one because when I was 16 - 17 I hit him on the shoulder when he said some incredibly hurtful things and while hitting isn't ok - it wasn't a beating hit it was a knock-it-off! smack when he wouldn't let up. I was a 5'2" 16 year old girl. You were a 6 ft fully grown 21 year old man. I regretted using my hand on you, but I stopped after that and you didn't. I was ashamed I even raised a hand. Smacking you not even hard didnt give you the right to throw me against walls even years later, still. It didn't mean you could bruise me grabbing me so hard. I hid in a closet from you I was so afraid once.
But I believed it was me. I believed, I put myself in those situations - what could I expect? I had tempted him and the reprocussions were what they were.
Now realizing what he did makes me want to crawl out of my skin and vomit till the poison in my soul is exponged. I thought he was just unaware. But there is no way he didn't know to at least some degree what he was doing when he chose those scenarios, and just did whatever he wanted.
I'm already in a deep dark hole dealing with all kinds of other things and of all times I didn't need this to be keeping me up at night and reliving it in my dreams. I'm sure he's lost no sleep over anything he's done to me.
I just want out. And maybe to punch him in the face. I hope to all that is green and good in this world that he's treating his wife better.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety and depression on vacation. I have really bad anxiety/depression but I was really good this year so I decided to book a solo trip to Europe and I’m freaking out. Monday I was so bad I couldn’t even work. I feel so anxious my chest hurts but this is something I really want to do. I don’t know how to feel better.
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self.Anxiety
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DAE get birthday anxiety? I have my birthday coming up soon and for the most of my childhood it wasn't bad, but, over time it got worse? Last year was the worse for me and I've been waking up panicking every night for the past week.
Whenever something goes too good, it always feels like something bad is coming, last year my fiancee threw me a surprise party with her family even though I told her I just wanted to be by myself.
It feels like a whole year of my life wasted again, and everyone knows it. I haven't kept to my weight loss, I dropped out of college, I've shut myself in. I told her this year I don't want anyone to come, I'm deactivating most social media until after.
Does anyone else get this? How do you handle it? I'm sorry if I seem like I'm being ungrateful, and should be thankful, I'm just not as good at this as other people. I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
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Losing my mind (rant and too many trigger warnings for any one flare to fit) I never feel good when I’m “manic” I feel like I’m about to explode and like nothing is okay and totally alone. I’m all by myself all the time, I have ruined every friendship I have, and I’m too scared to even make new friends so that when I’m pacing around my house literally ripping out my hair I can at least talk to someone. I can’t find anything that inspires me or makes me want to focus I can’t find anything that makes me feel or think so my brain goes “razors! Oven burners! Scratch off your skin! Fall down the stairs!” Just spamming me with SOMETHING that will feel like anything and make me focus. I even considered doing something illegal because even if I got in trouble it would be SOMETHING to focus on and I would just be flailing and numb and scared and so fucking tired again.
Manic for me is just anxious energy making me feel like I could be the core of a nuclear reactor for how volatile I am. Any two thoughts meeting could be the reaction that sends me outside so the snow can burn my skin and make me alive or could make me turn on the oven and stick my hand too close or anything else my fucked up head wants. I just want to scream and cry but I fight it cause it never helps, it just makes it so I feel even more crazy.
I’m sorry if I’m not supposed to post this stuff but I am utterly alone for 20 hours a day and I just need to scream this stuff out.
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self.bipolar
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I don't like having a lot of friends. I can deal with customers, put up a smiling front and so forth. But let me tell you about friends. Apparently, it's bad to not have a lot of friends according to one "friend"(who was forced to be one) because those who are alone most of the times or have little friends don't really grow out much. Don't ask me how he came to those conclusions, but his judging has become EXTREMELY annoying. Like I can't eat anything without making a noise around him or because of the way i pronounce things or i cant wait infront of a pickup area for food at grocery stores because its rude. And i really dont give af, but i had the last straw when he finds out i longed for a relationship(which i did say before in another post..but thats another story). Now he probably took this personally and began coaching me and being even more annoying.
This is why i don't like having a lot of friends, because people like him can't get the hint that I don't want him in my life or that I'm extremely annoyed. Unfortunately, its my fault because im too nice thanks to my coworkers(thats a different story as well..but its true, im just too nice.) And yes, I have dropped hints before like "im studying" or trying to avoid eye contact with him or just trying to avoid him completely. Well whenever I tell him I'm studying, he's like "lets study together then!". Or just the sight of me pulls him in.
He does have a lot of friends, but I don't know why he's fixated on me. I don't care for his reasons, i just dont want a lot of friends like him.
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self.offmychest
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Finally found a great doc He treats me like a human being, which has never happened in my dealings with shrinks in the past. He gave me the meds I asked for, scheduled my labs for my lithium levels, and gives me this little sheet that I fill out every night that made me realize what a manic asshole I am. I feel bad for my husband and kids, but had to go off during pregnancy and a year of breastfeeding. Glad to have my lithium and ativan back.
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self.bipolar
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How much can I tell a professional without getting screwed? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm scared to tell people what's wrong with me. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Oh my god I cut up a pineapple! People who have been really depressed will get this... I've been trying to make myself do it for days.
Oh my god I cut up a pineapple!
Maybe I'm manic....
Lol
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self.bipolar
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Do you have to be energetic to be hypomanic I'm definantly hypo right now, i had therapy a few days ago and my therapist agrees. I'm unfocused, productive, talkative, over confident, ect. But lately my eyes and body has felt tired, but its not a mixed episode. I feel like i need to drink coffee just to get my body to match the speed of my brain. Is this normal for hypomania? I also have a cold, and i got very crossfaded last night, so that might be why i'm tired. I'm just confused
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self.bipolar
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I AM NOT YOURS I am not yours. I do not belong to you. I was not asking. I was telling you!!!! I hate the way you act as if you were giving me permission. Screw you. Stop telling people I am your girl. I am not. We are friends. So stop acting like you are my boyfriend you weirdo!!!! You dont have a right to get jealous and tell me who i should and shouldnt be hanging out with.
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self.offmychest
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I Can't make my friend see she needs help and its pushing all her other friends away... Myself included. Ive watched you fawn for a guy for over 5 months. You want something hes not ready to give. You want to be loved more than anything in the world.
I understand that.
Ive watched guy after guy come into your life and leave again. you are a very sexual being and i don't have an issue with that, you have needs. But all the while you move from guy to guy to whoever shows you attention, while pining after someone who you simply cannot have.
You always had clingy tendencies. Ever since highschool you stuck to anyone who showed you attention like best friends. Even if you've only known them 2 days. You call your closest friend "wife" and you've known her approx 5 months. We have been back in contact about 4 months.
 
The more time i spent with you the more i realized you have issues. you admit your anxiety, tho you do not seek medical help for it. its VERY different to my own anxieties so i struggle to help you in that respect, but i have tried to the best of my ability to be there when you needed someone.
between me and your best friend, we have been there for you for the last 4 months. Every "games" night you throw as an excuse to get drunk. every Wednesday or Sunday that you were off work, we were there. You expect your best friend to be at your beck and call, every single day. You have never been to her house, despite it being less than 100 metres away. She is always at your house, because she wants to be around you, because you guys are meant to be friends.
 
but friends aren't what you need. You desire being the center of attention. IF you aren't you get stroppy and wingey. You don't like it if conversation doesn't revolve around you.
While my anxiety drove me away from people, yours drove you into the arms of anyone who would pay you the slightest attention. I get it. You need to feel loved constantly.
I don't mean reassured, I don't mean told daily. I mean you need to be told hourly. You are so insecure you shout at your best friend for messaging other mutual friends outside your group chat. you latch on to anyone in your life and try to make them feel at home and they like you for it at first, but then they need some space and you cant have it. its a personal insult to you if they have their child and cant come over because its 8 pm on a school night or because they have other plans without you, like dinner with a mutual friend.
Girl. i say this with all the love i can. What the fuck is wrong with you.
 
I wish that was all. but it gets worse. you sexually assault your best friends constantly. Male or female. Hell you've even touched my ass without asking permission first, and you and I will never ever have a thing together because you are too much like a sister to me. Ive known you too long. You have no interest in me too, for the same reason, but you've done it all the same.
Ive known you for over 10 years, on and off and i'm not okay with you just starting to do this last week. If you were a guy id have punched you in the mouth for what you've done to your friends, because they are my friends too. how the fuck do you think your tattoo artist feels when shes known you for 3 weeks. You do not just grope another womans tits, without her express permission.
your best friend and you are close. You know she likes being spanked and you've played on that with her as a joke in-front of me before. It was consensual because it was your friends way of letting me know she was into it, as well as into me and her way of telling me she wanted me to do it to her. We have improved our ability to talk a LOT since then, and its no longer necessary.
grabbing a handful at a party with other people, without discussing it first? Not cool. That is sexual assault.
 
Just because you've slept with someone in the past? doesn't mean he wants to again. he made it clear he didnt. You literally grabbed his crotch and told him you'd do all the work, when he was uninterested.
You have fallen further and further from the good person i know you to be. You keep plummeting towards rock bottom.
The last party at your place convinced four of your friends never to go over to your place again. That includes me and your best friend.
You need professional help. I want to help. Your best friend wants to help. but you wont let us. You deny everything about the sexual assault's if we bring it up. You lie about everything, to all your friends and then forget who you told what to.
 
Honestly girl, You are broken. You have anxiety, that much i know. I'm sure you have depression. Probably Bipolar. maybe even more. I'm not a doctor. I cant help you anymore. You've made both your best friend and me so upset we have spent days talking about what to do with you. We love you. We both want you to be the amazing person we know you are. But you need to seek help, and we cant make you see it. No mater what we have done for the last 3 months you've just snowballed into a person we recognize less and less. You've pushed away at least 10 friends, since Ive known you. I think your best friend and I are done too. Because You are fucking insane. and for our own mental health, we cannot be there for you anymore. Its killing both of us because we care so deeply and both of us want to be there for you in your low point, but you wont even recognize you are the issue here. 100% of the reason people are leaving you and never coming back is because of YOU.
You need help. Please get it. Hopefully us walking away will help you see that you need help. Because us being there has just made you so much worse. I'm sorry. I wish i could take away your insecurities and problems. But I cant. Because im not qualified to help you.
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