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Need help with my meds. I feel so lost and don't know what to do. I suffer from really bad insomnia. It has gotten worst after I turned 20. Back when I was younger my body could take two days without sleep and I would be fine. Now that I'm 31, not sleeping for a day is hell. I used to be on seroquel xr and I slept like a babby. I LOVED Seroquel xr but my husband hated who it made me in to. I did not show my emotions and I was always tiered. My husband told me that he could not be with me any longer if I did not change. He wanted me to show him love and affection which I had stopped doing because of my meds. I was scared to change the meds that I had been on for over three years. My husband is the love of my life and i would do anything for him. So I stoped taking the seroquel. Now I am on lamictal and lunest.
Lunesta is now only half covered by my insurance . I have to pay for 15 pills a month out of pocket. I get my pills every 15 days. I have two pills left so I called CVS to get my refill. I am told that I have to wait till the 6th to get my refill. That's 23 days where I won't sleep or be able to function like a normal sane person. I am a manager and can't start going to work without sleep. After I got of the phone I just started to cry. I have never cried while at work but I felt so hopeless. I am an assistant manager and cannot lose my cool infront of my team. ? At this point I hate that I can't live without my medication and feel like just giving up. I called my husband hysterical because I had no idea how I was going to get through this. He tried to make me feel better but he can't relate. He has General Anxiety so he has never had this issue. Have any of you gone through this or have any advice?
Sorry this post is all over the place, I'm still really upset and scared.
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self.bipolar
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The more I think about it... life just sucks.. for me. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have plenty of money to buy lots of nice things for the first time in my life. If only there were anything I had the slightest desire for.
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self.depression
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How do you guys feel about going to bars alone? [removed]
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self.Anxiety
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In which bipolar person is not sure if they are getting better or just slightly manic Welp, i'm feeling good but i'm hesitant to enjoy it. About two weeks ago I went up to 200mgs of Lamotrigine. I've noticed a big decrease in my anxiety and feel more emotionally resilient but since about last week things have been a little more up than i've felt in awhile. I've been unemployed for three months and finally found a job Friday. Then got an interview request for Monday. And i'm all, LETS WORK TWO JOBS! I'm convinced Monday's interview is mine. Friday is full time and Monday interview is for part time. I feel like it would be a good move for me to work both because my financial situation is in shambles given my long term unemployment, but am I too convinced that i'll land the job Monday? Am I being unrealistic about working two jobs? I know it will be tiring and I know I dont have to do it forever and I did it before for like a year once, but when I took on a second job during that time period I had just started and antidepressant and was hypomanic.
Outside of that, most days I feel like killing myself or at least consider suicide. Last night, it felt like it was silly I ever considered suicide. It seemed like my entire life stretched out in front of me. Things I want to do, I felt like I had purpose, strength, that I had a bad period and now its time for me to rebound with a vengeance.
And so, all this feels good but I fear its hypo or something. Or it could be that I just reached the therapeutic dose of lamotrigine and i'm feeling the effects of that. Its been a little over two weeks since we increased the dose so I guess I should be feeling it about now.
-_- I wish I could always feel this way.
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self.bipolar
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Do you find that once you are aware you are manic, depressed, in psychosis, etc, it becomes easier to deal with? I find that my mental stuff always dials back a little once I realize it's just some Bipolar Shit ™. I"m hypo right now and honestly when I realized it it was kind of a buzzkill, and now I'm just scared it'll all go to shit. Anyone else experience this?
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self.bipolar
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I can't stop I can't stop doing things to destroy my life...I just can't stop...I can't stop.......I need to stop...the only way to stop is just to end it....I can't stop....I need to stop....
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone receive disability for bipolar? so i have bipolar type 2 and i find it hard to keep a job more than 6 months without quitting or getting fired due to arguing and not keeping my cool. i had no idea i could get benefits if it affected my work like that but apparently i can and i need it for sure.
has anyone received bipolar disability from the govt? i read the average monthly disability check is around 700 is that accurate?
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self.bipolar
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Two guys tried to mug me last week Last week, two guys on a bike (at least one was wearing a black ski mask) attempted to mug me near where I live. I was walking back from the library, because I'm a student with a tonne of deadlines, when they approached me on a street corner and the guy in front shouted "GIVE ME YOUR PHONE!" I'm quite a small 21F so I just gritted my teeth, dug my hands in my pockets and walked past hoping they wouldn't try and grab me by my hood or my bag as I did. They did let me pass and after taking a few more steps I ran up the road to put as much distance between me and them as I could. I went home, I reported the incident to the police, I was fine right? Okay so I bump into my flatmate in the kitchen who smokes a lot of..stuff he shouldn't be smoking. I mention what happened and he starts getting worried that if the police come to the flat (which they told me they might to support me/ take a further statement), that they might smell something or end up in his room. I was the one who just had to sprint up the road, was I not? He said something like "well you're fine, they didn't touch you or take anything." He said he was trying to be funny or cheer me up. It bugged me though - because I felt that straight away. I got away so am I allowed to be shaken up? To have it pointed out like that made me feel like I should be fine. So that's what I end up telling everyone. I was calm when I'd spoken to the police, and when I told my gf (which was after I'd spoken to my flatmate). Didn't really admit how not okay I was until I got out the shower the next day and went full on ugly sobbing on my gf. Idk - I had a nightmare last night about reporting an incident to the police on behalf of two women in a car after explaining what had happened to me in the dream. I suffer from nightmares fairly frequently and often wake up feeling like that is also something that shouldn't phase me because it's not real and I can't really be hurt. My dreams are often really vivid though, especially when I'm stressed.. It's just not very pleasant.
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self.offmychest
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Do any of your family members also have BPD? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Suddenly having thoughts of suicide, and its beginning to worry me I haven't felt like this in a couple years, and it seems to have come on so suddenly, and for no apparent reason. I struggled with awful manic depression/PTSD/eating disorders in the past, but I've been healthy for about a year now. I've learned to become very aware of my moods, and that's why I'm beginning to worry about myself.
It began about two to three weeks ago and it's lingering. I keep wishing I were dead, thinking that everybody will be better off without me to bother them. My self-esteem, which is usually healthy, is crumbling. I hate how I look, I hate my art, I hate myself altogether. I'm a fucking embarrassment, to be honest. I have a group of wonderful friends, and a very healthy relationship with my boyfriend of 6 months. I don't know why this is happening, and I'm afraid that bringing it up to them is just whiny and pathetic, because my life isn't even bad right now. I don't want to be seen as crazy or starving for attention. I've gone through a few traumatic events (CSA, abusive relationships, family issues), but they're in the past and they don't ever cross my mind anymore. I just feel so fucking sad and I fear that everybody is lying about their feelings toward me, which is just so irrational. The cherry on the cake is that my period is about a week late, now. I've taken a few pregnancy tests, which all came out negative. I plan on doing this daily until my period comes. It could be the stress, but if I'm pregnant, I'd probably actually kill myself. I can hardly afford another abortion, but the pain that it put me through is something I never want to go through ever again. I'm also afraid that it would ruin my near-perfect relationship.
Today has been the worst of them all, and suicide seems rational. That's why I came here. I feel like I need to let it out or at least let somebody know that I'm feeling like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Desperately want to be alone Just so I don't have to talk to any one or have any one see me , but it's not a option, not even hiding it out in my room is enough cos there's still my roommate in the apartment
And the most annoying part is that even if I was alone I slowly begin to beat myself up for having No one to be with
God i'd sell my soul for just a bit of head space
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self.Anxiety
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I think it's best to slip away Seeing the way my declining mental health is having such an effect on my loved ones is heart-breaking.
I'm draining her, sucking the beauty out of her life. I'm a drain on resources. I wouldn't blame her if she left, she deserves all the happiness in the world.
It's getting no better, I think disappearing is best all round. After the sadness has passed she'll be better off.
I love her but I am unlovable like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Jacob I don't want to recover from my depression. I've been depressed my whole life and am afraid to live like a normal person. I like the attention it brings since people don't usually pay alot of attention to me. I know that I'm not supposed to seek approval from others but I can't help it. I don't know how to love myself. I'm truly exhausted of trying to change and am sick of people consistently telling me that it's up to me to change. Making decisions is extremely hard for me and I don't know what's best for me.
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self.depression
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Remorse I assaulted my friend when I was a teenager and the guilt hurts When I was 13 I was staying the night over my friends house and I put his hand on my genitals.
I hate myself for this and wish I could go back in time. I feel like I fucked him up.
I don't think he even knows I did it but dammit.
I would never do this again, is this a crime too big to ever make up for?
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self.offmychest
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It's always the little things... It's been 18 months since my last attempt and they have not been easy months. My brain is ticking again and trying to destroy me.
I've spent most of the last week drunk and/or dissociated.
I just want this to fucking stop and sometimes I just...I get so tired. It's always the little things that manage to rock me to my core and tonight is one of those nights.
They always tell you to call the crisis line but what do you do when your social anxiety makes picking up the phone impossible and you doubt that you're 'bad enough' to bother them anyway.
They're supposed to be calling me for some sort of intensive two year program for BPD patients (that's the latest label the latest psych is going with...fun times).
My last friend is moving back home and just landed this really great assistant manager job and I should be so, so stoked for him.
But I'm somewhere between heartbroken, jealous, devastated and in despair. I feel so left behind. It's just me alone in the city now and I feel like I'm going to lose him forever.
I don't leave the house most days, I struggle to relate to people and I have a hard time maintaining friendships/socializing because I'm isolated between my mental stuff, my physical disability and the chronic pain.
I know rationally this is not the end of the world. But god I feel like it is. I feel like this is it and now it's just me by myself in the same studio apartment for weeks on end.
I am trying so hard to calm the fuck down right now but it is not working and that is a fucking problem when you live on the 7th floor of a highrise.
I just.....*sighs* if someone had told me 26 years ago that I'd spend my time struggling to get enough to eat, in and out of hospitals, fighting both my crumbling head and my crumbing spine and alone....seems pointless sometimes.
Sorry folks....just venting I guess.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Lamictal and Weed Interactions? Last night I smoked for the first time in a long time, and I am also on lamictal. I have messed up and forgotten to take it a couple times recently so it’s possible that that had something to do with this. Pretty much as soon as a took the hit my body flipped out. I know what it feels like when I’m too high but this felt much worse.
My brain was going a million miles an hour and way too trippy. I had the “I feel like I’m dying” sensations that I have had before when I’ve gotten too high, but I also felt like I could have a seizure which I haven’t felt before. I threw up for a while before finally passing out in my bed. I’m still shaking right now and I want to know if anyone else had a weird interaction with the two? Thank you!
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self.bipolar
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My life is over I got anhedonia from PT-141.
Im convinced that my life is over since this isnt going away. No amount of CBT or mindfulness is getting rid of it.
I think I suffered a tragedy of this kind to have a peptide induce this hell.
Every day I am constantly obsessing about what this did to me.
And the thing is going to therapy or mindfulness does not help because it does not change how I feel. The MOST important thing is FEELINGS. I feel this way and have been since I did the peptide therefore it did something to me else I would not be feeling like this. Its simply not possible to get this anhedonia out of the blue.
I cannot believe what has happened to me.
Also CBT just is not kicking in. They say do behavioral activation and I try but the thing is its not actually having an effect on my symptoms. I still have to deal with this after said behavior. So I get obsessed do I need to do this 1,000,000 times or 100,000,000 times or 9999999.67822 times to achieve the cure?
I understand there is no set time frame but im not patient enough and I just want to commit suicide since the wait and effort to cure this is too much
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is self care ever a bad thing? I have anxiety and I'm an introvert. Sometimes I need to disconnect from my friends for a little while (sometimes a weekend, sometimes a week) in order to recharge and find my bearings again - especially when life starts getting crazy and hectic.
I have a majority of friends that are okay with this and have been for years. I also have some that do the same with me and I have no issue with it.
But I recently have some friends who think it's selfish and being a bad friend. That it's disloyal and/or that it's making others responsible for my illness which I'm not supposed to do.
I always was told that you can't care for others until you care for yourself. And to me this is more for their benefit than mine because it makes me a better and more present friend.
So I guess my question is: when is self care wrong, or too much? Or is that even a thing?
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self.Anxiety
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What kind of things do you want people to tell you? Whenever I reach out to someone about my depression, it seems like they never tell me the things that I want to hear. I usually want someone to protect me, to hug me and tell me they’ll help me every step of the way. I’ve never gotten that though.
What do you guys want to hear? I’m wondering if it’s different for everyone and maybe that’s why we never seem to get the right reaction
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self.depression
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I have too much anxiety to go to a doctor to get help for anxiety Lol fuck you anxiety
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self.Anxiety
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3 years 354 days 3 years 354 days that’s when I’ll do it, I’m going to move to a different state without telling anyone. I’m going to legally change my name rent a car and kill myself in it. No one will know me, my friends and family will never know. I’m going to save up as much money as I can buy her that farm anonymously and then put my plan into motion. I’ve thought about it so much, I even look forward to it. I’m sick of all these predictable outcomes and repeating events no matter what I change or do different it’s all the same, so dull and pointless. Nothing matters when you know how everything is going to end. I’ve been dead for years now and she was the last good thing, she gave me hope again and I will always love her for that even if it the feeling was short lived, it was something I thought I’d never feel again. Too little to late unfortunately, I gave up long before I met her, you can’t save everyone and I died a long time ago. Nobody can fix me if I’m part of the problem. 3 years 354 days
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self.SuicideWatch
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This is a bad day Its my childs 1st birthday, I can't spend it with him because he's in a different country. My wife has been too busy to Skype me and is using this to make me depressed. She said I need to eat better and exercise and that American depression is fake. I'm sitting alone in the dark not able to do anything because I'm so depressed. I hope everyone is having a good day, I just wish I could say happy birthday to my kid.
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self.offmychest
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Physical symptoms I'm absolutely sick of feeling sick. The physical symptoms of anxiety are debilitating and only further perpetuates the cycle. Stomach problems oh my goodness. It's driving me insane. Then there's the nausea, acid reflux, joint pain, chest pain... I've had every test done and I'm healthy. These physical problems are the main reason why I'm struggling to recover. How long will this last...? Will it ever get better?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm feeling bad I'm not going to try to kill myself, please don't worry. I just wanted to say my feeling.
If anyone needs to talk I enjoy listening.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nine Year Old with Anxiety Hello. I suffer from anxiety and depression and have for as long as I can remember. I currently take Lexapro and Welbutrin which seem to manage my symptoms well. I did not start taking medications until my early 20's, I'm in my late 30's now. I did have symptoms of anxiety as early as I can remember. I have a nine year old son who suffers from pretty severe anxiety. He has been seeing a therapist for about a year now but it doesn't seem to be doing much. He worries about everything. He worries about people coming to kill him or us, he worries about people hitting him. I don't know where he's getting these worries from. He's also very sensitive. The anxiety is now affecting his ability to fall and stay asleep at night. His PCP gave us a referral for a Psychiatrist to get him evaluated for possible medication. I know the meds help me tremendously and I can't imagine functioning without them but in a way I'm terrified to give my child psych meds. Does anyone have any experience with children that young (either yourself or your child) taking these types of meds? Did you find they worked well? I'm worried they're going to change his sweet little personality. Also, does anyone know if they offer these meds in liquid form or is it time for him to learn how to swallow pills. Please don't judge me for considering putting my child on meds, I'm trying to do what's best for him. Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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I just feel lonely today. I guess what I want, above everything else, is to have a group of close-knit friends, like how it is in the sit com. I was watching Brooklyn 99 because I was feeling lonely, but it ended up making me feel worse than ever. I just really want what they have. A group of friends that care about each other, that hang with each other outside of work hours, a family that you choose. It is very stupid, because none of those characters are even real, and real life doesn't work that way.
I don't have a single IRL friend that I feel that close to (I had some, and we drifted apart due to distance and such), let alone a group. Wouldn't it be nice to spend a weekend night together having dinner at someone's house as a group, sitting, packed, shoulder-to-shoulder at a small dining table? Then playing a round of board games together? To know that if someone is feeling down, there would always be a group that can lift them back up?
I am starting to think that this will never happen for me. The future I want. I feel like at the rate I am going, I am destined for failure in every single area of my life. And sometimes I just wish to fade because there really is no point is there?
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self.offmychest
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When will it stop I've been depressed for years now, with ups and downs. But recently it has been getting worse. I easily lose my temper and I just don't feel like doing anything. Most of my days I spend crying or feeling down. And i just want to be all by myself. I just lost all hope and I'd honestly just can't take it anymore. I don't want to end my life but it scares me that I feel I just might one of these days. I wished I could just wake up one day and not feel anything or just feel happy.....
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self.depression
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My friend recently tried to kill herself and since then I’ve been less okay [deleted]
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self.depression
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How to get over a fear of flying? I am pretty dang scared of taking a flight. I've never gone on a flight before and my family is planning on going to Hawaii. Statistically I know that flying is safer than driving but I can't seem to shake it. Any advice for people that have gotten over flying phobia?
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self.Anxiety
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Well, looks like this week isn’t going to be so great after all. Yet again, the same old thing triggered my anxiety and now I’m freaking out. I feel helpless and really, really alone. This week is the last week of classes and I have tons of homework but can’t get myself to do it because I’m freaking out so much. Like I would rather lay on the couch all night and block out my memories and thoughts. People have always said Im dramatic, but what’s so bad about feeling things strongly? I can’t help it.
I don’t really know where to go with this, I just feel like total crap and had to get that out there somewhere.
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else get really cruel thoughts spontaneously? For example, I can just be at school and I look at a single person I don't know and just will imagine them either being killed or having a cruel scenario happening to them.
I wouldn't do anything I imagine, but those thoughts are purely random and uncontrolled.
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self.depression
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Stressed and worried about work Things have been getting me down lately. I am on medication for depression. Feeling really anxious. I feel like I am not adequate in my job. I feel like I am being unreasonable. My head is all over the place and I don't know where to turn or who to talk to. I am thinking more and more about self harm and suicide. I don't know where or how but thinking of options.
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self.SuicideWatch
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You are literally the laziest person I've ever met. Get up and go do something with your life. I'm shocked to know there are people out there like you. The world doesn't owe you shit and neither do I.
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self.offmychest
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In need of good places online for someone to talk to I’ve had a lot going on this week and I’ve not really got anyone to talk to. I’m not a fan of 7 cups and was wondering if anyone knew anywhere online that is good to have someone to talk to on. I’m based in Europe if that’s any help!
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self.Anxiety
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Suicide has become a more and more present thought in my mind I feel quite alone. And it’s weird because I also hate myself because I feel like all the talking to myself or crying or even writing on this is just some weird hyped up self indulgence like i want to be depressed so I have an excuse for me just having no motivation or something. Like maybe I’m just trying to make my life or thoughts seem more profound so I can justify being a failure. If people go through this daily and I’m just being weak. Idk there’s more too it I feel but I was wondering if that’s a thought people have
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bye soon Im gonna get 20 grams of KCN (potassiumcyanide) soon from my uni's lab and end my life with it in a few weeks. Im so done. Ive heard u lose consciousness in a few minutes.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What am I supposed to do with my life? I feel like there's no time, like I'm wasting away It's nearly 4:30 AM and I can't sleep. I can't relax at night because I feel like I should be doing *something* with my life, but I'm just sitting here, withering away. I can't enjoy playing video games anymore, or any leisure activity at all, because I have this background worry that I'm just wasting my time.
All I have during the day is my job. And then what? I come home and be useless all day? My job doesn't give me much purpose if any. What can I do besides watch TV or sit around?
Recently, the more time that went by, the more I felt as if I needed to do something *important*. But I don't know what that means. Does it mean I should have some kind of influence, that I should somehow leave my mark on the world? Why would that matter?
I sat down with myself recently and wrote out my thoughts on that, and I concluded that the only person I should care about in that regard is myself. I should focus on making myself happy. I should do things that I want to do and not think about whether or not that gets anyone's attention.
But I don't know what that is. If it makes me happy, should I just play video games all day? Well, I don't feel good playing games anymore. It makes me feel worse, again, like time is just slipping by. I just can't relax anymore. I'm constantly on edge. I can feel my heartbeat pounding. Sometimes I forget about it all and I calm down, but at night, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I can't relax.
There's just something missing, and I don't know what to look for or how to look for it. There *are* a few things that I do want to accomplish, but they all involve me being shut in my room. And I don't feel like I have time to do them anyway.
What do I do? How do I quit wasting time? I just don't have a purpose. I don't know how to find one. Or maybe that's not it, but it's the closest thing to what I'm trying to get at. I can't sleep anymore, it's driving me crazy.
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self.Anxiety
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I relapsed Again. I relapsed again. I did last January too. I can’t stop cutting. I feel awful. I feel terrible for doing this to my body. But I am in the most stuck and misunderstood position and I can’t cope at all. My life is turning out to be shit even though I thought it was getting better. I hate myself. I’m losing myself. I have nowhere to turn. I’m losing it.
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self.depression
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I haven’t felt this way in awhile. So I just.... I feel very fake again. And i haven’t wanted to cut myself in over ten years. But I want to.... so I can feel it. I don’t know. I thought to write this post and then I can’t even think straight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't want to fail in school and I don't want to live as a retard It's over, my grades are below average and I'm being sent down from honours, I'm never going to get to go to a good college and get a good job.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Found a song on Spotify that honestly struck a lot of chords with me [deleted]
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self.depression
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Update on TMS I just finished 30 sessions of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). It uses magnetic pulses to stimulate the brain in regions associated with depression. Its used for treatment resistant depression. The sessions last 40 minutes, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. I now start the taper phase, which is 2 days a week for 3 weeks. I've seen a few people ask about it, so I thought I would share my experience.
The first few days were uncomfortable, but thwn I got used to it. It feels like a tapping on your skull. The machine is pretty loud, but they have earplugs available if you want them. You just sit in a chair that looks like a dentist chair, I watchef TV during the sessions. When I started I was thinking about suicide pretty much non stop. In my 2nd week I felt like I was actually getting worse. I told the TMS tech and she said that isn't unusual. By the 4th week I was starting to feel better. The suicide ideation pretty much went away. I went from sleeping 14 hours a night to sleeping 7. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but it seems to be working.
The only side effect was a mild headache, which I got after most sessions. Not everyone gets headaches. I was skeptical when mt doctor suggested it, but I am glad I did it. My insurance covered it, so I figured I had nothing to lose. It was a big time commitment, but I was so depressed it wasn't like I was doing anything else anyway. It at least gave me a reason to get out of bed.
If you have been thinking about it, and your insurance covers it (it is like 12 thousand dollars without insurance) I would recommend looking into it. I'm optimistic about these results lasting (or at least I hope they do).
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self.bipolar
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DAE ever get that dropped/sunken feeling in their stomach when they have a really self deprecating realization? I always have to catch my breath for a second and try not to cry; sometimes the thought and feeling comes and goes really quickly. Anyone else?
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self.depression
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Every time I think I hit rock bottom it just keeps getting worse My suicidal thoughts/ideation keep getting worse each month
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self.SuicideWatch
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New girlfriend with anxiety and sometimes depression. How to help? Hello all,
I’m never been this close to someone that struggled with anxiety so I don’t really know what to do. She’s a really hard worker and usually gets anxiety attacks when she’s overwhelmed with stressful things. How can I help when she has these attacks?
Say “everything is going to be okay”? But I feel like that can only go so far.
Or should I try to distract her? Or does that make it seem like I’m avoiding confronting it.
Or look for a solution to whatever her problem is? Or is logic basically out the window at that point.
Thanks for any advice, I’m still new to all of this.
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self.Anxiety
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Was asked to undergo MRI, because of eval. Is this another waste of time? Basically, I’ve been working with vocational rehab program for getting job.
Took some cognitive tests on computer months ago.
Voc rehab said some weird quirks.
They had a specialist come and administer cognitive tests in person. I assume the tests are probably similar to how an in-person IQ test eval would be ... except my tests focused more on different cognitive functions.
Just got results. The specialist said my short-memory is so far below what it should be, that he believes damage to brain beyond just Lamictal side effects. He wants an MRI performed.
**My Question**
What’s the point? Even if there is damage, what can they do? I already know my memory has turned to shit, but I’ve accepted it, and don’t see what a possible brain damage verification would do.
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self.bipolar
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I Made It Through A Wedding And I haven't felt as bad as I do now in years. I've slept for 14 hours straight, thrown up, cried, and I've basically failed to be a competent human being today. Everything went fine, I did my job as best man fine, everyone was happy, and I just wish I didn't go anywhere near it. I've been taking my meds, I didn't drink, all I know is I'm actually miserable. And I can't pull out of it and that worries me because I don't want to be depressed. or whatever this is. Things went well and for some reason that was the thing that screwed me up. This illness keeps surprising me with how little I actually get to control when I feel like shit.
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self.bipolar
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I'm finally crying but I don't feel better. I'm so scared and alone
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self.depression
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nobody around me holds same view with me I hate big companies in China and I refuse to use their services. but people around me can't understand why and I can't explain logically after all I m not a good debator.
and I m leaving Taiwan soon, feel like gonna be deported from free world and f*ked up. yet idiots around me are so pathetically patriotic that they never realized and can never realize what they are losing in 2 days when we have to get on the plane and come back China.
and the country is hopeless because I 've witnessed how young students lived and reacted in the free world, so f*king disappointing.
I'm an exchange student today, in 2 days, not anymore.
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self.depression
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it feels like it'll never work out for me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It Hurts. The only thing I ever want to do other than stay on the internet anymore is draw. I love drawing. Other than that, I generally don't do much. I'm basically avoiding reality, because reality hurts... Why? I don't know. My life has some bad things that have went on in recent months, but... It's not like I even deserve to be depressed, is it? As in, I don't think I have the right.
When I'm sad or mad, it physically hurts my chest and stomach. I can't stand it... I think, I've become a bit suicidal. I'd never take action on it, since death scares me, but...
I can't stand this. I... I guess I sort of want to die.
I'll most likely be going back to school on Monday unless it snows. That kills me. I hate school. The only good part is seeing my few close friends. Nothing else... Nothing. The rest of it is torture. No proper distraction to keep me happy. It's not fun, of course, it isn't supposed to be...
I just...
I don't know what to do.
Earlier, I wrote his poem. Just a free form...
It hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it never stops hurting
Distract yourself, quickly
Get the pen, get the phone
Turn the music on
Immerse yourself in another world
Listen
Listen close
Do you hear it?
Your thoughts are rampaging once again
Listen to them
No matter what
You never had a choice
Anyways
Your mood drops
Like a health bar
In a video game
Of which you immerse yourself
Immerse yourself
Once again, once more
Hide from them
Run from them
Listen
The thoughts won't cease
Immerse yourself
Run from them
It hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it never stops hurting
Listen
The thoughts are your cries
The thoughts are your desperation
The thoughts are the anger you keep inside
Listen
Immerse yourself
Listen
Immerse yourself
Listen!
The battle is lost.
It's basically about how I use the internet and drawing as a distraction, but eventually my thoughts break through and attack me anyways. Reality hurts... I lose the battle to stay immersed.
Um, I guess I'll stop rambling now... I just wanted to write about my feelings, I guess...
I really don't know what to do anymore or how to live.
It hurts.
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self.depression
|
I'm not suicidal I'm not suicidal - so if you want to help someone who needs it more than me please don't even read this.
It's just I feel so alone all the time and I suck at everything social... I was in a sports team for over ten years (I'm 18) and when I recently chose to quit, nobody seemed to care. Some 'Friends' chose to quit too a little before I did and when they did it was a big drama. We had this website were we would enter our status for each training. When someone of my friends would have their status on "I'm coming" and not show up for the training they would send them endless messages and call them. I did that for basically the last month before I quit and nobody cared. (I didn't do that intentionelly - the status would automatically be on "I'm coming")
I also don't drink alcohol and that seems to be a reason why the guys I used to hang out with on the weekends don't want to do anything with me anymore. Everythig seems so dark and whenever I attend any social meetup I don't really talk to anyone and just start hating myself... The thing is also that no one seems to realize that I'm struggling so hard and I don't want to ask anyone (I also wouldn't know who) for help, which is why I am writing this here.
Oh god this probably sounds so stupid...
I just don't know what to do.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Emotional Pain It's the worst kind. I'm recently single and the pain of my break up is killing me. She did it by text 2 days after Xmas. And said if I had not annoyed her she was gonna do it in the new year. She won't even meet me face to face.. I'm at my wits end.. I've thought about ending it all
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Got a diagnosis and meds today Now what? I'm so lost and got nobody to talk to. When does the medication kick in?
|
self.bipolar
|
My mom died, i never really had a reason to live beyond that. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
This has been weighing me down lately So I'm a suicide survivor. My last attempt, over a year ago now, was foiled by a friend of mine who had heard I was suicidal. He decided to call the police and have me put on a 72 hour maditory hold at the hospital. It was an awakening expierence and there is so much more to the story, but that is not the story I need to get off my chest.
I'm a college student this happened my sophomore year (fall semester). Flash to now, I had dropped out of school to take a the year off and focus on my health. I also switched to a local community college and moved home. At this community college I am taking a speech class; we were given an assignment to talk about some culture we were apart of. I'm also a straight white male with little to no culture at home.
For this speech a few of my class mates decided to talk about illnesses they had to live with. So naturally I considered talking about my depression and how it took me down but I survived thanks to a friend who I hated after but have forgiven because I know he was trying to help. In the end, I decided to talk about highschool football in Texas. Why? I didn't want to be known as that guy who had tried to kill himself and brought everyone down and changed their perspectives of me. I had written both speeches and had them both ready but I couldn't bring myself to talk about it.
This is why I'm here.
One week after my speech one of my classmates killed himself.
I only slightly knew him but his death hurt so much because I felt somewhat responsible. Not in a way that blood is on my hands, but because my ego prevented me from sharing my story. I didn't know it was suicide right away we didn't know right away but hints were given and we put it together. I attended his memorial and it was very difficult. It was the first funeral I went to for someone younger than me.
So to Wrap this up I just want to say if you know someone who is suicidal don't be afraid to contact someone. The person may be angry at first but eventually they will realize you were trying to help.
Thank you for reading. If enough people are interested I can share the full story in the comments but that's enough for now.
tl;dr: suicide survivor, had a chance to share my story. Let my ego get in the way, less than a week later a class mate killed himself.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone else here struggle with sex addiction? I lived hypomanic for years, severe BP 1, sex addiction only thing seems to take my attention off my “unquiet mind”, but I’m miserable. Anyone have similar experience or advice??
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self.bipolar
|
MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERRUCKERS IM DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT IM GONNA GUVE MY FAMILY A NICE NEW PRESENT OF A DEAD FUCKING BODY IVE BEEN ENDLESSLEY BULLIED ON REDDIT FOR NOTBGOUNG THROUGHBWITH MY SUICIDE PLAN BUT IM FINALLY DOING IT THIS IS WHATBYOU WANTED GOODBYE HO HO HO FUCK YOU ALL GOODBYE
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self.SuicideWatch
|
New subreddit for depressed redditors to make friends :) [removed]
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self.depression
|
Everything I love Is either dead, far away, or I can't appreciate their effort because I'm to worried about my own shit...
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety During Sex Hey guys, looking for advice on an issue that’s affecting a new relationship that I’m in. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, more specifically social anxiety disorder, and I’ve been on meds for the past half year or so to treat it, and up until recently they have made my quality of life immeasurably better. No more panic attacks, severely reduced general anxiety, fucking fantastic. That is, until I met my girlfriend and we tried to have sex, key word being tried.
Basically, I have a hard time getting/staying hard due to my anxiety. Generally, it’s a very subconscious thing that I’m pretty sure stems from worries about if I’m hard enough, if she’s wet enough, if/how fast I’m going to cum, etc etc fucking etc, and it’s quite the strain on our relationship since she’s started to think that I’m not that into her. We’ve had successful sex several times before and it was fantastic, but more often than not we both up end up frustrated by the end. Thankfully we communicate really well and we have an open dialogue about it (and my skills with my tongue and fingers help a bit...), but it’s still far from an ideal situation.
Really what I’m asking is, do you guys have any suggestions or strategies for how I can attempt to combat my anxiety during sex? Potentially even how I could recover from a fumble so to speak? Everything flows smoothly until the anxiety kicks in. May be worth mentioning that this is my first girlfriend/real sexual partner, so I’ve never had to deal with this issue before.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Women sometimes just wanna bang Yeah, basically the title. I just left an abusive relationship all around. He always made me question myself, my sanity, the way I look, everything. His wank bank consisted of hundreds of creepshots he took of various women. We've been together for 5 years so as long as I can remember, and now I'm single. I have a very demanding job which means I spend most of my days at work. I tried to interact with my male colleagues but it seems like all of them are interested in some other colleagues. I used to think that what I miss is emotional connection, feeling loved and so on, but I think I actually miss being desired. I wanna talk to someone all day long, build some tension then, well, you know. But so far I'm not lucky. I know I can get it whenever I want it, but complete strangers just don't do it for me. Combining this and my shaking, cracking, all around lacking self esteem, it's basically like one minute I want to shag someone, the next minute I feel depressed because of the lack of attention and spiral back into loneliness.
Honestly I feel pretty desperate. I don't really know how to be single, I'm sad and lonely. I just wish someone would prefer me and make an active effort to impress me
Is it superficial? Yeah. Not everything is about getting laid? Yea yea, I know. I need to learn to love myself? Yeah very much likely
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone know what places (cities, states, countries) with the highest rated overall happiness? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
How I’ve f**ked up my life over the last four years Hello, I’ve written this letter on my computer before posting it here (probably on a few message boards) as I’ve held off on seeking online help for a long time. But I think writing this will help me order my thoughts and hopefully let the negative emotions flow out of me.
Slightly over four years ago to the day, I was dismissed from my ‘dream’ job for misconduct. I did the wrong thing and it was warranted. I was very angry at the time and made some stupid choices, while not going in to detail, they didn’t even benefit me personally or cost any money but I just did some things that made me unworthy of trust anymore. I did it because it made my disillusionment with what was going on at work more bearable. I can’t be more specific than that.
I say ‘dream’ because it is what I always wanted to do. I had to work my balls off to get there and it eventually came good. I did well at it as well. Throughout my time there, I was an ungrateful little sh*t. Some of my feelings were legitimate, but in hindsight, was it really that bad? No. I got paid an above average wage for working reasonable hours within a few years out of college. I’d give my left hand to say sorry, and to know what I know now, and go back in time.
My work was understanding and tried keeping things under wraps. I think once I explained my reasons there was an air of sympathy. I was given a reference and supposedly if I apply to other jobs, nothing will come out of a background check or anything. However, the skills I learned were very niche, and within quite a small industry so even if nothing comes back on any official inquiries, people can and do talk between firms. I’m also beyond that point where I could be considered entry level, having been promoted quite rapidly up until that point.
So, after leaving my work I started my own company. I basically sunk most of my life savings into it the last two years or so and it has failed. I have no idea what I want to do with my life now.
So now I am back to square 1 career wise at the age of 29. Throughout this, I’ve lost shape although have been going gym recently, which is one of the few things that keep me going. I also didn’t trouble myself with women throughout this process as I didn’t think anyone would like someone of below physical attractiveness who works 80 hours a week while earning no income.
I did meet one girl through a mutual friend about a year ago. We got together very quickly, and things were rocky here and there but when they were good, they were amazing. But the stresses of my life found its way into our relationship, a couple times I scared her with some angry tirades and the dissimilar hours (I worked principally at night) caused a lot of stress for us. Ultimately, she did something to really annoy me and I broke up with her. She didn’t seem to care at all when it happened but came back a few days later wanting to reconcile. I didn’t accept her apology and that was that given I was so angry at how she treated me and was just ‘missing me’. This all happened with a four month period.
Recently, I was thinking about a lot of things. My schedule has been free lately, firstly after starting to reduce my work hours at my business (and ultimately shutting it down) and getting more sleep.
Firstly, I regret not taking her back. She apologised and didn’t commit a mortal relationship sin (lying, cheating). I’ve been like that my whole life, always angry and willing to hold a grudge. On the positive side, this experience taught me to not be so harsh on others. I truly believe I have internalised that, and perhaps it was worth it then.
Going forward:
• I feel beyond lost regarding my career. I’ve been searching for jobs but haven’t been getting any positive responses. I don’t really want to be in the industry I’m trained in either, but I need an income and it’s all I know. I am also worried I’ll always have to watch over my shoulder in case the past comes back to bite me on the a$$ even by informal channels. I can admit maybe my expectations are high – I don’t care what the job pays now, just want something with the potential to get back to where I was. I don’t want to go back to college to retrain at this age, I just can’t stomach it. College is not cheap as I’m sure you are all aware.
• I miss my ex. I don’t believe I miss being in a relationship, or the sex, or any of that. I’ve been with a lot of women in my life casually, short and long term relationships. I just genuinely miss her and what she was about. She supported me like a great girlfriend should, despite me being a bum and we got along at a personal level that was beyond just pointless banter or physical attraction. She raised me up, so to speak, which in my experience is rare to find. It’s been over 8 years since I felt this strongly about someone. My situation in life hasn’t improved since we parted ways, so I guess you could say I feel scared I won’t ever meet someone like that again. I’ve tried getting back with her but she doesn’t want a thing to do with me and has moved on.
Right now I just want to die. I had a good time up until I was 25 or so and I feel that ending things now wouldn’t be so bad. I can’t see myself recovering from this to achieve the life style I desire and that’s that. If it wasn’t for my family who love me very much, I would’ve ended it by now.
I can’t even blame anyone else for the position I’m in. I made all these mistakes. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recover from them.
My post has no question, merely airing my thoughts and if anyone wants to post theirs please go ahead.
Writing this letter did not make me feel better in the slightest. I just don’t see a solution to this, I want what I want and I can’t get it.
Thank you for anyone who read this entire post.
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self.depression
|
I’m trying to throw a party lol So I made some friends last year and I thought I’d get them together in a social manner (it was a coding group that I met them). I’ve never done this before. I guess I’ll keep updating.
I had social anxiety in the past. It looks like only 5 out of the 19 I invited will show...
Tbh I wouldn’t come to this party and I’m the host.
Update 1
———————
Starting time has come and passed no one in sight but is expected.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm Broken I have no friends. Nobody who cares about me. Definitely nobody who 'gets' me. But I feel like I care about everybody. It has been this way for years, but it gets a little harder every day. I am a broken person.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Ever get to the point where you don't even want to feel better? I don't even care any more. After decades of feeling like shit I've completely lost the hope that anything will ever change. You know why it won't change? Because *I* won't make a change. And that's fine. I feel like I've fully given up. Like I'm not truly ready for suicide. I don't want to "get better" only to have things fall apart again some day like I know they will. Even if I'm wrong and things permanently get better it doesn't matter. The fear that it could all come crashing down at any moment will prevent any TRUE joy from being had. It just makes more sense to die than to continue investing in this worthless life. Anyone else get to this point? How do you folks reconcile feelings like these? Did you ever find a way to "shove the cat back in the bag" so-to-speak?
|
self.depression
|
I need to hear someone yell at me about my ghosting habit. [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Loss of Appetite (18/F)
My depression has been at its peak for the past two months, and I've started to notice that in addition to my fucked up sleep schedule, I haven't been eating as much.
I just don't have an appetite. I'm just never hungry when I should be anymore.
And it sucks, as someone who is actually trying to gain weight (I've been underweight all my life, I'm 5'4" and only ~101 lb), it really sucks. Some days I hate my body, and as much as I try to love it and do what's best for it-- my depression won't let me.
|
self.depression
|
Homeless, no friends, no family, no job, mental health issues... [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I feel too numb to enjoy my life! My depression has made me feel like an emotionless zombie. I can’t feel any joy anymore, I don’t have any interests, I just feel numb all the time. I don’t have the energy to do the things I want to (watch movies and learn the guitar). Instead I lay on the sofa all day feeling numb, I have over 1000 $ that is just waiting to be used, I just don’t care anymore. I can’t even do simple stuff anymore, I’m feeling more and more tired as every day passes. I don’t know what to do anymore, all I do is laying on the sofa all day wishing that things where better, there is nothing to do outside either, I live in a small city. Thanks for reading!
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self.depression
|
Brace yourselfs school is starting again There is this huge wave coming again. Last time i barely made it out sane. Holiday was okayish for me. But now I know it will get worse soon.
Also, am I a bad person for commenting on so many posts and try to help? I have been commenting on about 100 post withing a week. And I dont really know if I do people any good. I feel like i just try to distract from myself. And I am not sure if my comments are within the guideline. I cannot judge it.
Today my Mom took away all my electronics and forced me to go outside. She said she wanted to to do that everyday now. LORD HAVE MERCY. Today she was away and i was home alone. Guess what I did. I layed in my bed for hours listening to music. And I cannot go outside again. I have nothing to do there. Online is my only way of enjoying my days.
Ughh and does someone else start improving in life within the holidays and then it crushes again during school. I started drawing again in months the last days. Started exercising again. Just like after summer i know i will just stop doing these things once school begins again.
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self.depression
|
I wish god told me what im supposed to do with my life when im still young
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self.depression
|
Nauseous from not sleeping I was hypomanic last night and still am on the cusp of it. As a result I barely slept. I still don't need to sleep and try as I might I can't even nap. Anyone have suggestions for dealing with this?
|
self.bipolar
|
No Relationships I'm 23 years old and I have no real friends, never had a romantic relationship or interaction of any kind. On paper my life is on a good trajectory, I have a degree with no debt, I have the exact job at the exact company I was always working towards when I was in school. I was always the smart kid who worked hard and everybody knew would be successful. But I feel like life is empty and there is a whole world I will never experience. People who have kept close friends all their lives, people they met on the first day of kindergarten and have formed decades-long relationships with. The normal exploration and development through adolescence, holding hands, kissing, having sex, just never happened and never felt like even a remote possibility. Like I was marked unworthy from an early age and just missed all these milestones. I devote myself to my job and hobbies but the depression, the self-hatred that started in full force when I was 14 and has never really abated makes me think all of it means nothing if there's no one around with me. Somehow I thought that if I put myself on the right path career-wise and tried to develop myself as an interesting person that everything else would come in time. But I'm staring down the prospect of being 30 years old and a virgin, having never even kissed anyone. It terrifies me. It makes me want to kill myself. I don't even know why I wrote this.
|
self.depression
|
18 years old, in my last year of high school and thinking about suicide [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I suffer from mostly health related anxiety. Mostly thought loops and negative thinking. Any suggestions on good non medication solutions? (E.g A good book on cbt?) I’ve had some success with journaling. Meditation not for me! Thanks
|
self.Anxiety
|
So Fuck it, let me say hello and see if this helps better than Anything else has So I'm sure this will make at least my wife happy I am trying something else. Not sure what this will lead to, but hoping that others who actually have this will be able to at least offer some support I can appreciate as I know you fuckers are probably going through the same thing.
So this is me. I'm middle aged, have a penis and like putting it in ladies. I've had some success and have a child with a previous lady I put it in and out came a child - a stunningly, beautiful child who is my life. I later married someone else because it seemed like a good thing to do.
Before all of that I was born somewhere else - another country I mean. Hated myself as a kid. Was bullied and saw some nasty stuff at home that kind of fucked me up. Mum has some mental issues, so if the fucked up shit didn't fuck me up, the DNA did. I don't blame her - its not her fault.
Didn't go to college like you americans would class it and left school at my first chance (16). However I'm very far from stupid - quite the opposite. I'm smart - always was. Too smart for the school I was in for sure.
Thing was I hated being smart at school and I hated being me. I was convinced since I was really young - like I have memories of being 5 or 6 and being convinced I would not see the year 2000.
Anyway I've moved around a lot. Lived abroad in a few places and done well considering my lack of a formal education. I'll fast forward the most of it but I took every chance I could and some years later, find myself married, owning a home, not having to worry about money, surrounded by astounding friends, a fantastic job which I love. And yet I'm still self-medicating, still regretting the past and still fighting treatment instead. Done therapy and it failed me. Pills just seem to muddy things- in fact the Oxycontin liquid in the bathroom leftover from a previous operation this year seem the only tempting choice on top of the wine and beer. Don't worry, not to the point of doing harm, but just to the point of oblivion until the morning. Just enough to put me to sleep so I don't have to deal with being me, living with this consciousness, living inside this shell that I hate.
I finally got told a few years back I might be Bipolar and on that recommendation I got diagnosed. And have been subsequently in two different countries. I'm unmedicated (apart from what I do myself) and therapy has failed me. I've been hospitalized once after nearly going through with a more permanent fix though I checked myself in at the last minute before doing anything terminal. I still think about that from time to time.
Sorry for the outpouring. I don't know why I'm doing it apart from hoping maybe someone on here might at least recognize some of this and at least let me know I am not alone thinking the way I do.
Sorry if this is irrelevant or against the rules.
|
self.bipolar
|
How do you get over the anxiety of someone knowing all of your secrets? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Who else feels guilty for letting depression waste their life I want to enjoy my life and make the most out of it, but I’m too fucking sad to get out of bed
|
self.depression
|
My grandmother passed away last night and I feel guilty for not feeling anything. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I don't want to live because of four month canker sore and teeth pain. Tight on money and can't afford oral surgeon. Don't have time to go to dentist since only possible days off in the day are Sundays. Work won't let me time off. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
One person’s poor opinion of me doesn’t invalidate or validate anything else I’ve done or am as a person. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Life sucks and I still need to get through it i havent been diagnosed with depression and have asked my mom if she has any psychiatrist friends i could talk to (she's a nurse) to see if I could get diagnosed or at least get professional help but she kinda played it off saying "only crazy people need those". so I feel a bit invalidated. Like i love her and all and she works 3 jobs as a single mother and I dont really want to push it because I would feel like more of a burden.
Any advice or anyone feeling same way? and also I feel like I have some form of high functioning depression, like I still do schoolwork and stuff but there are just some weeks or months where I shut down and dont talk to people and wallow in self-deprecation and memes.
|
self.depression
|
How do you handle the overwhelming anxiety of feeling not good enough? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
skinny 5”4 115 lb Would I be able to easily feel lymph nodes in neck and other areas? This is beginning to bother me again
|
self.Anxiety
|
That awful feeling when you pour your heart out to somebody and they ignore you. Feels great, yeah thanks for that.
|
self.depression
|
My fucking roommates. NAW On mobile, so sorry for any formatting issues.
I️ have known Alex since our freshman year of college. Immediately, we became great friends and hung out regularly.
Alex has known Abbie, my other roommate, since high school and are the epitome of best friends. They literally do everything together.
Toward the end of our first semester of sophomore year, both Alex and Abbie had asked me if I️ wanted to get an apartment with them. At this time, I️ wasn’t the greatest friends with Abbie, but I said yes. We moved into a 3 bedroom, 3 bath apartment the first week of May. When we first moved in, I️ explicitly told both of them: “Please do not be passive aggressive with me. If I️ do something to bother you, please tell me.” I’ve had some bad experiences of people who did just he opposite, and I️ wanted to make sure they knew that that was not going to be okay with me.
Everything was great for the first few weeks. Abbie and I️ grew close, and I️ even got her a job where I️ was working. I️ began to have short little spats with Alex, but it was nothing more than typical roommate stuff: dishes left in the sink, dirty kitchen, etc. Yes, I️ would be pissed for a day or so but I️ would just get over it and move on.
Now, this is where Alex and Abbie’s relationship comes back to haunt me. Alex and Abbie have the sort of relationship where whenever they’re together, no one else exists.
At this point, we’re all great friends with one another. Slowly and surely though, Alex and Abbie begin leaving me out of things. They would go to random outings together (Taco Bell, trip to Walmart, etc) and not even invite me. They’d get their nails done, go out to dinner, go to concerts — all without me. Now, I️m not expecting to be invited to every little outing, but extend an invitation every once in a while, ya know? Pretend to be considerate.
I’m hurt when I realize this, but I️ (completely going against my own belief of “if I️ do something wrong, say it”) ignore it and just accept it.
Then out of the blue, Alex comes out of her room and tells me she and Abbie are getting a 2 bedroom once our lease is up. I️ was absolutely blind sighted. We were getting along great that day, so I️ couldn’t understand why the hell they were leaving me out of the lease. Unfortunately for me, I️ don’t have many friends and Alex and Abbie make up the majority of it.
A few days later, I’m driving with Abbie to work and we get on the topic of the two bedroom. She says that they still want to be friends with me, but I️ just have a different lifestyle than they do (which is complete bullshit because I’m literally in my room 98% of the time when I’m home). I️ ask for specific reasons, and she says that they don’t want the tension to get so bad that we’re not friends by the end of the year. Um, what fucking tension are you talking about???? That’s when I️ put two and two together and realized that they talk shit about me to one another and imagine a tension with me between the two of them.
She then goes on about how “I’m dirty” (aka leaving a few dishes out for a while, which, I️ will admit to) and how I️ “talk too loudly on the phone” (I️ did not know about this). So basically, instead of talking to me like adults, I️ now have to find a place to live and I️ have lost two friends.
The reason I’ve decided to rant about this fuck fest, is that the weather is getting colder and colder. The two like to have the apartment cold, but I’m always freezing. I️ send out a text asking if they would have a problem if I turned the thermostat to 70 (it’s currently 68). “No that’s too hot” was the immediate response from Alex. I️ go into Abbie’s room and she’s under her thick blankets, wearing a sweater, a scarf, and the fuzzy socks she was wearing earlier. I️ ask her the same question and of course, she sides with Alex. “It’s already a little too uncomfortable, but I️ guess”
1) it’s two fucking degrees and we all have ceiling fans in our room. You’re not going to melt.
2) 69 is doing nothing. I’m going to talk to them about it again and if they don’t bring up the temp, I’m going to bring in my space heater and fuck up ALL of our heating bill (it’s divided three ways).
THE FUCKING END.
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self.offmychest
|
Doing a lot of thinking tonight Ive realised suicide is actually what I want. In the past I've only ever considered suicide when I was in a particularly bad time and it was a purely emotional decision. But tonight i've got their rationally. I haven't been enjoying life for a long time if im honest. I mean i've enjoyed moments of my life, but on the whole, I haven't.
I'm a student in my second year of this course but my 4th yeat at university because i decided to change my degree course. I didn't have any friends on my previous course at all, and I was really lonely. But I made some on this course. They're a good group of people. But honestly, I don't think most of them like me. They probably don't dislike me. But they find me awkward and not very fun to be around and i can't blame them for that.That is how I behave.
I mostly like my new course but I think i made the choice to change too fast. And I hadn't really studied much in relation to it so I struggle a bit with the work. Not to mention i'm a chronic procrastinator which doesn't help.
I have another group of friends that I still see relatively regurlarly, though only more recently. A lot of them I didn't see for a long time because they were at university and also I think most of them found me awkward and uncomfortable too. Which again, I was so I can't really blame them.
I feel more confident in myself than I have possibly ever and many aspects of my life are improving which is why I say this isn't an emotional decision. I just don't want to keep living. I've experienced life, i'm 22. I know it maybe sounds stupid saying that. But there's only so many different paths my life can go and none of them fill me with much enthusiasm. I've never been diagnosed with depression.
I can't express everything I want to express here. But I hope this makes some sense to anyone reading this anyway. I would kill myself tonighr but I can't put my parents through that. I love them. I seriously want them to be happy, theyre fairly old as parents go anyway because they had me quite late. Me dying would severely mess them up, and I can't put thel through that. But yeah, thank you for anyone who's read all this. Thoughts and comments are welcome.
|
self.depression
|
In your experience, can going through (facing fear) trigger an episode? So my sister's pet cat bit me and scratched me. A lot of scratch on my left hand. I won't post the pic here it's too graphic.
TLDR: the cat got used to sleeping in my room in our family home. I was there this weekend and while sleeping on my bed it came to me angry and territorial.
The experience:
Tonight I went to the ER because the scratches and the bite bothered me. I received shots on both shoulder for tetanus. And a vaccine on the shoulder too for Rabies. Then, 40 shots all over the scratches.
I hate needles and this is my fear. I almost ran out of the ER tonight because I want to backout on the injections. I told the doctor I'm on medication but it won't interact with the vaccines. That was my first concern. Concern 2 was going through the fear.
I can't put inti words how much fear i went through. I feel nauseous after the procedure. And now i'm lying in bed wanting to go to sleep but I can't because I feel like there was an adrenaline rush. I'm concerned that this might trigger an episode.
I was wondering if anyone has any experience with going through a fearful procedure and how it affects moods?
|
self.bipolar
|
Human nature is really complex. My shift at work tonight started really bad. A group of assholes from the other shift decided to throw some shit at me, as they like to do from time to time. I had a bad luck being their target, usually it's some other poor guy.
I always try really hard to convince myself to not care, but as you propably know it's pretty much impossible.
Their words always hit me like an atomc bomb. For the next few hours only thing I was thinking about was go home and cry.
When I was talking to them I analyzed their facial expressions, the way they are looking at me and at each other, their body language, and realized that they must have been talking about me behind my back. They always do that to everyone, I see it all the time. It's natural to them, like breathing.
So I just standed there and didn't know what to say. How do you even respond to something like this? I mean, a situation where a group of people is laughing behind your back, then confront you with smirks on ther faces and do everything to make you look, and feel like a piece of shit. And it was not the first time that happen, and with the same exact people. To make things even worse, one of them is their supervisor and not only she doesn't do anything to prevent this. She encourage their stupid shit while clearly having a great time. And don't think I'm biased against them just because they make ME upset. They do this all the time to others and I think it's absolutely wrong, and unaccaptable in every case. Especially in the workplace.
Usually in these kind of situations I try to ignore them and direct their attention away from me which i eventually did.
Once they played their "sophisticated" psychological tricks on me and had their fun, it was the end of their shift so they walked away, and went home, and I stayed there totally broken and devastated, and started doing my work. I know it may sound like I'm overreacting, but I can't help it. I'm very sensitive to other people words.
Sometimes when I talk to each of them 1 on 1 and nobody is around, if I didn't know better I would think that they are normal people. We have some laugh, talk about some stuff, everything looks normal. But when there are two of them or more together? They shut down their brains, and throw you under the bus without a blink. They do everything for attention, they are so desperate of it, and don't even bother to think for one second what harm are they doing.
|
self.depression
|
Why isn’t it okay to die? People call it selfish but really they’re the selfish ones. Wanting me to be alive, feeling nothing but saddens and pain just because it makes you happier that I’m here is one of the most selfish things I can think of.
It’s not fair.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Relationship anxiety Where do I even begin here. I was in an emotionally abusive situation for three years that I didn't get out of until the summer of last year. Around September of 2017 I met a girl who became my best friend and ultimately we fell for each other. Fast forward to now and it has nearly been four months with her and it is the most ideal relationship I could imagine. For the longest time since we started dating I was so head over heels for her and recently I professed my love for her as did she, but since then my anxiety and compulsiveness have escalated drastically. I find myself having intrusive thoughts such as "What if she's not the one?", "What if I have feelings for someone else?", "What if my attraction is vain?" and so on and so forth. It's so distressing to me because I've gone from being the happiest I've been in what feels like forever to questioning literally every aspect of my life. If anyone has experienced this or can relate please let me know I'm not alone, this girl means so much to me and I can't fathom ruining things with her, but at the same time my mind seemingly wishes to sabotage it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
hey I feel so shitty right now, I have no hobbies and other then keeping my dog alive I dont know why I do it anymore. I after coming home waking the dog then gym and its 6:30 and I do nothing or feel/feeling like doing anything
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm sorry / thank you(for all the fish) M,
I want you to know that I am sorry for the things I've done. My actions unintentionally caused you harm and there isn't anything I can do to make up for that. You deserve better than more excuses that attempt to cover for my constant missteps.
I also want to thank you. Thank you for being an amazing friend to me the past year and a half. Thank you for being there for me during my down times. Thank you for inspiring me to make the changes I should've made a long time ago.
Thank you for being you.
.
.
Edit: So a close friendship of mine was just terminated. She found me to be toxic for her so she cut me out of her life and blocked me on all possible platforms after a couple months of limbo because I messed up by not giving her enough space. I've been trying to come to terms with it all and wrote this to her tonight. The thing is that I can't send it to her. Her last message asked me to stop trying to contact her. I just needed to share it with someone. Anyone really.
|
self.offmychest
|
I want to cry but I can't even do that I really want to cry to let it all out but I can't.
I just feel weird and empty.
I don't have any emotions right now and that sucks.
Does that ever happen to you..?
|
self.depression
|
stuck in a mixed episode and cant get out (self harm mention, description of manic ep) [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Panic/Anxiety Attacks Tearing Me Apart, Current Meds Arent Helping Background - BP2 (possibly BP1), on 900mg seroquel, 3000mg gabaoentin, 200mg lamictal, 10mg buspar, 450mg wellbutrin, 2.5mg Ambien prn.
Anxiety attacks keep tearing me apart. I get this intense feeling to escape at least 1x per day many days I get 3-4 times. The worst is when it happens at home, there is really no where I can go.
It usually last about an hour and makes me almost none functional. When I happens at work I pretty much have to hide until it passes.
I have tried a small dose of seroquel as well as hydeoxizine with no effect. I have an appointment today, I want to ask for something that is prn and stronger but I also am afraid of looking like I am just seeking drugs. A lot of what I am on should stop anxiety but it just won't stop l, it makes me feel broken...
If anyone has any advice I would be glad to hear it.
Thanks
Grumbles
|
self.bipolar
|
i’m jealous of everyone. everyone with friends. everyone who goes to parties. who have relationships. who is remotely attractive. i’m so tired of jealousy and being this shitty ugly lonely loser. i hate myself and being me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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