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I like to take scalding hot showers as a way to self harm Scalding hot showers that leave my entire skin red and burning. It even hurts to lay on my back and move my limbs. But at the same time, the hot water on my naked skin can feel so comforting. Like someone is hugging me. I feel so alone it PHYSICALLY hurts. I feel nausea, constant fatigue, headaches and chest pains due to my loneliness. It doesn’t help that I live in an isolated town in the middle of nowhere with no transportation. And I live with an abusive mother.
My depression just keeps getting worse and worse...at least I don’t cut myself like I used to.
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self.depression
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I just got through a really tough breakup that was the source of my depression... And i have been texting, and talking to this other girl. We have held hands, and one day she said she would even make out with me “for my birthday” she posted on her instagram that she wanted a boyfriend, and i got the courage to ask her, and she said she didn’t think of me that way like? What? Then she posted saying she wanted a guy that does things that are exactly what I’ve been doing for her? Why do i even try?
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self.depression
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Slaves Self-enslavement dons a tricky disguise. It manifests and hides behind all that you covet most. It asks the simplest of riddles; provoking a clear solution to which you struggle and strain to arrive. I've been lying to myself, pretending I have the patience, the discipline to accept the correct answer. So, through my fingers and straight to hell, I sit and watch as this life to slips away from me. Our fates rest in our own hands, I've always welcomed the idea. But many feeble attempts only proved, I could never quite get my grip.
I was convinced. I thought I discovered beauty again, salvation, a colorful fugue in a world monochrome. Foolish. If I was strong, I'd wish to never see you again; plant or powder. Crystals, my salmon, blue, and off-white friends. Loyal confidants, was it my worst mistake was befriending you? Among all you've left with me, the romantic influence, the lifelong mark, you remain my darkest reminder: I am small, selfish and afraid. Because I have been weak, I fall charmed to the hex of my first true love each and every time. Completely dependent, amoral, broken.
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self.depression
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I love my dad. I'm living with him for a while now because my depression got worse. We lost my mum 3 yrs ago. Even now he is so comforting, and calming to me. He really understands me, doesn't push me and just likes it when I'm around. He is really my guardian angel right now, I really feel like he 'protects' me against the hard world.
Take some time to appreciate the help you get guys, I underestimated his help and what it does to me.
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self.depression
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I want to play a multiplayer game so badly All I do is play video games.
I know that's pathetic, but I have nothing better to do. I'm in my mid-teens. I can't go out with friends, I can't go get a job, and school's out, so I can't even distract myself with that. I have nothing to do throughout the day so I'm forced to just play video games again and again. I know I'm painting myself to be a fat loser who drinks too much soda, but I'm not. I'm a healthy, albeit underweight, person. I have an amazing friend group and I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I've been with for over a year, and I do extremely well in school, and I'm generally quite happy.
However, when I'm not occupied with them, I'm a disaster.
I sit in my room, blinds shut, door locked. I cannot help but force people away from me. When I'm like this, the loneliness is unbearable. The only method I have of getting this out is to play video games, but I've played them so much that they're just ungodly boring. So every once in awhile, I look at games like PUBG, GTA, DayZ, or any MMO, and I just beg myself to try it. But for the life of me, I can't do it. My hand sweats as I hover over the purchase link. My body shakes when I think of even the slightest instance of confrontation. But I want it. I want it so much. I want to be with people.
It hasn't always been like this. I used to play multiplayer games constantly. If you know about gaming, I maxed my prestige on Black Ops, World at War, and Black Ops II, I was level 226 on my 360 version of GTA, And I was damn good at it. But for some reason, something ticked, and I haven't played any of those games in over a year. I despise this anxiety. I just want to have fun with somebody.
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self.offmychest
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Finding a reason I have come out of a two year on off relationship. It was on/off because of me and my paranoia amongst over things. The thought that I would never be good enough for her was what drove me to back out each time. The reason this is for certain now is that she actually stopped talking to me.
So basically I need a reason not to commit suicide and I can't find one. (However lack the actual courage and still have parents around). Though I also know my funeral might bring my family a little closer.
Anyway, the reason I am thinking about it is that I am going to die anyway so it is only a matter of time. Plus the eventual heat death of the universe and everything. Anyway any reasons? (Note all my life goals went with the gf, she is the only reason I could emphasis with anything and so the whole change the world thing is dead in the water)
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self.depression
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I need reinsurance from the introverts on this sub about getting a job [deleted]
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self.depression
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Self neglect Hi. I'm wondering if anyone else deals with this, too.
I don't think I have an extreme case. I get up every day and go to work, I shower before work, I wear clean clothes.
It's my days off where I do absolutely nothing. I work four-day weeks, so it's not unheard of for me to shower before work on a Thursday and then not shower again until Monday. Same clothes, too, and I'll even go to the corner store in them and not care.
My bedroom is disgusting, I don't cook, I eat take-away (and crap at that), my sheets get changed maybe once a month, etc. My unwillingness to take care of some of this stuff has led to health problems. And I really don't care.
Are there any support groups, virtual or IRL, for self-neglect?
I know self neglect is a symptom of an issue rather than a separate affliction, but it seems to be the main problem for me.
(And this realization that this is what's going on came late at night after sleeping away 16-18 of the past 24 hours. Yes, I'll mention it at my next therapy session.)
Apologies for the rambling. And thanks for any feedback you might be willing to offer.
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self.bipolar
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How to explain quiting smoking After a visit to my pdoc, I decided I would stop self-medicating. Thing is, I've had tons of evenings and afternoons with friends over at my appartment, usually smoking a few joints. It's weird cause I know it shouldn't be that hard, but I feel really anxious about explaining why I'm quiting now while I had already plans on growing and always onto drugs when I am up. Not to mention I've been really, really low lately and having friends over is a nice refuge. Any advice?
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self.bipolar
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29F (me) being repeatedly called a narcissist by 29 M (boyfriend). Don't know what is real anymore, since I'm dealing with anxiety and PTSD. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It's what I want I feel like I've convinced myself that this is what I want, how it has to be. And rationally I know it's not, but life is going to get so stressful soon and I have no way of coping. I want to send a letter explaining this to an ex, who was also the only person I could talk about this stuff with, but I feel it would be pathetic and just cause unnecessary pain and if killing myself is what I want why not just do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My face always feels so hot and flushed when I’m anxious, even just a little. Is there any way to stop it / make it feel better? Whenever I get anxious, even just a little bit, my face tends to get really warm and flushed, especially in my cheeks. I know it’s a common symptom, but for me it feels so incredibly uncomfortable and it’s impossible to ignore. I absolutely hate it. Does anyone know if there’s any way to prevent it from happening, or if there’s any ways to make it feel a little better? I usually splash cold water on my face but when it dries it instantly feels awful again.
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self.Anxiety
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Purchase anxiety? I went to T-Mobile and got a new iPhone (upgrading from a prepaid to post paid account through a thing T-Mobile does). I love it but my anxiety is sending me into bad places because I get scared of the bill increase.
My new job pays twice what my old one did but this always happens with everything I buy that’s premium 😔
Why me? I hate anxiety:(
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self.Anxiety
|
Can y’all just let me vent? Hey y’all,
I feel so stuck. I’m super dysphoric right now and I’ve been rapid cycling HARD the last few weeks... trying my best to maintain a routine and schedule, eat well, exercise, sleep, etc.. but things seem to be going downhill anyways. I’m at that moment where I’m bawling listening to the interstellar soundtrack.
I need to see my psychiatrist but I can’t afford to at the moment. I have enough seroquel to last me months but I am also prescribed Ativan and propanalol which I am out of. I take both PRN for panic attacks that I can’t ride out on my own. Lately I’ve been having severe attacks that truly terrify me, bring me to tears, and feel like they last for hours. During one of them I took 30mg propanalol and 3mg Ativan and I felt no relief whatsoever. This dose would normally squash an attack for me... but these ones have been different, longer, more intense, more physical.. I ended up taking 100mg Seroquel to knock myself out. I don’t have a tolerance to Ativan and have gone weeks without it before. So anyways this is really frightening to me, and I am no stranger to panic attacks.
I’m trying to maintain my friendships but it’s really difficult and I keep ignoring people and I know this isn’t fair to them. Next month I will be house sitting out of state for 3 weeks by myself. This is good because I need the money but it also scares me because I really go downhill when I’m by myself for too long. This is usually when my paranoia strikes the most.
Anyways, I hope everyone out there is doing well. Thanks for letting me talk ❤️
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self.bipolar
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I feel like my anxiety is ripping my skin to shreds and I am just trickling blood everywhere Everything starts spinning and my thought process becomes scrambled. I can’t get anything done and I start to shut down emotionally and mentally. I want to hide. My skin is hot and my heart beats fast. I feel like a person who is afraid of heights. I just want to hold the ground and close my eyes and hope it all ends soon.
I’m pushing everyone away.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm going to do it Don't know when, or how, but I know for a fact that I will die by my own hand. I can feel myself crashing and getting pulled deeper into an abyss I can't escape anymore. I think it's time for me to go. I'm going to miss a lot of things. My best friend, music, the thunderstorms, the gray clouds, the birds, and everything blue because goddammit, I love blue. But I have to leave. I know I don't belong here, and those things I mentioned above aren't a good enough reason to stay. I'll probably make it look like an accident, so I won't hurt the people that care about me (it's probably only one person anyways) as much. In the meantime, I doubt I'll find a reason to go on.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I finally broke down Hi. I'm 21 years old and I just revently graduated from college. Two days ago, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I've probably had it for several years now but I've never had the courage to ask for help up until a month a ago when I completely broke down. My psychiatrist tells me that I have been incredibly resilient with coping to have lasted several years without treatment but I simply reached my limit.
In the past, I have tried to open up to my parents and friends but everytime I tried, my revelation was met with confusion and humour which discouraged me to talk about it. I thought that finally being diagnosed would relieve me in some way but I am still overwhelmed by it. For the longest time, I was stuck in a cycle of self-loathing because I thought my feelings were invalid and selfish. I basically grew up in family that had a distaste for emotional weakness and were generally stoic. Thus, when I attempt to explain my depression, I am often answered back with statements like "You're just overreacting", "Why are you so negative?", "I get depressed too".
I excessively sleep only to wake up and look forward to sleep again. I feel absolutely aweful... like time has stopped and I am completely drained. I have several job interviews coming up and I am quite unsure if I should go through with it or simply take a step back.
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self.depression
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Not sleeping Hey, guys. Just re-started wellbutrin after 4 months off and I'm up. Work is intense right now and is going to be through next week. I want to do all the things.
This is me calling myself out for not sleeping.
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self.bipolar
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Happy new year Its just gone past new years where i live. I never thought id make it to 2018. But i did!
2017 was a terrible year, like all the others ive lived through.
Ive got two more beers left. Ive got all my pills laid out. Im so content this is finally the end.
Goodluck to you all
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self.SuicideWatch
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Really trying to talk myself out of this I've been feeling suicidal for a while. However I've been madly in love with someone and it helped calm down that side of me. We have broken up, and now the suicidal thoughts are here more than ever. I've planned out two different ways to off myself. I just don't want anyone to think its because of him and I don't want him to feel guilty. I'm just not sure what to do right now. I'm trying to tell myself life is going to get better but since one of my best friends died in October from an accidental overdose I have the overwhelming urge to join her.
Also, sorry if this was a big paragraph of word vomit. I don't usually post a lot.
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self.SuicideWatch
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This is the first time I've actually experienced depression. For the last two months my life has been a series of letdowns and fake emotions.
I am currently nine-teen and moved to a new state in January. After about 8 months of getting to know people, I met this girl; she was everything I liked in someone but she was so far out of my league it was as if I was in elementary football and she was Tom Brady.
We really hit it off. First we started doing stuff and we just had so much in common; I asked her to high school homecoming and built up enough courage to be my girlfriend. She told me let her think about it and she didn't know if she was ready for a relationship; the next day she told me she had a boyfriend; not me. My heart sank to the damn Marianas trench and died. After that day I put on a face of smiling and fake emotions.
She friend-zoned me so god-damn fucking hard she asked me to a movie with her boyfriend. I sat through the whole movie while hearing them make out and play lovey dovey. I sneaked out while they were playing tongue hockey to puke in the bathroom. I went home and got absolutely heels over head drunk until I sang Disney music in the streets like an idiot while tears rolled down my face.
My emotional mask that I kept on during while talking to her started to envelop my life and It became my life.
Another two months past and I met someone else; she was kind and just different from everyone I've met and she just was someone I could talk to. She even got the same job as me as a cashier at a grocery store. I got sick over a few days and when I got back she bought me a gift; A little Thor Ragnarok keychain and two tickets to a movie at the local theater. This brightened my day. Today I was going to ask her to see the new star wars movie as a date through text and now she says she might be getting with another guy who works at the grocery store. My heart is smashed and I cannot comprehend my luck, situation, or any of my studies. This is my second heart break in a month and I'm not suicidal but I just cannot feel happiness unless its faked.
Sorry if there are some run-on sentences or some grammatical errors; I'm planning to go sing Mulan songs all night with a half bottle of Southern Comfort.
Whoever reads this
Thank you.
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self.depression
|
Will this get ignored too? I feel horrible and nobody can help me anymore. If i tell my parents i feel horrible theyll get mad. My teachers told me school isnt a place to seek help. My therapist doesnt help at all and if i want any help they need to call my parents first. There is no solution to this.
I really want someone to just kill me. I cant do it myself unfortunately, i tried hanging myself and i failed. 5th suicide attempt in a year.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think I need to go to the next tier of med... Advice? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does anyone else have this constant dark feeling lingering over them? Recently my mom died and this dark feeling of hopelessness has been worse than ever before. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing makes me happy, and I don't want to die but I don't want to exist either. I can occasionally enjoy things, but at the end of the day I just think to myself, "why am I still doing this?" Everyone keeps telling me that I have to live for myself and not search for answers through others but I feel like I can't help myself. I feel like no one around me understands what I'm going through. I feel like a robot at work, forcing myself to seem okay. I just feel like living with this feeling inside of me is so hard, and maybe genuinely not even worth it. I don't even feel like taking my medicine or eating heathy or anything. I just wake up, go to work, come home and sleep as much as possible. Sorry to rant on here, I'm not sure what else to do.
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self.depression
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Rambling I have struggled with depression and anxiety for my entire life as a teenager and young adult. For many years, my parents did not accept depression, anxiety, or ADHD as an excuse to "do poorly" in life.
At this point I have been dealing with depression for about 8 years with no medical treatment or therapy. Feeling backed into a corner by a family that didn't believe or understand this condition, I have self medicated my entire life. Drug abuse has heavily impacted my life causing me to drop out of multiple colleges and has strained my personal relationships with many people including my father.
I wasn't always a bad person, but for awhile now I have been unable to help myself or anyone around me for the fact that I'm consumed by my own intent to feel better. I feel that I have become selfish and greedy, only thinking about getting high or wasting money on things I don't need because for some reason fast-food and video-games take the pain away.
Fortunately I still have a few loving friends around that genuinely care about my well-being, but I know it is hard for them to love someone who seemingly refuses to get better.
It's been about two years since I have been sure that my death will come at a young age by suicide. While I don't want this to happen, I feel weak and empty to the point of being beyond escaping it. Most of the time, I don't even want to get better because I simply can't bring myself to go through the torture of eating healthy, getting clean, and working. I know I need medication and therapy but I am too anxious and numb to get help.
I'm not sure what this is--maybe an open letter to people who know me best--some kind of explanation for my actions. I am truly sorry for what I have allowed myself to turn into and regret the bad things I've done during the last years I've spent alive. Somewhere deep inside me is an amazing person but it has been a long time since I've seen him. I like to imagine myself dying a hero somehow, sacrificing my life for someone better. I wonder who I could've been if I had greater will-power or my parents had understood my condition when I was younger.
Anyway, I wish anyone reading this a happy and full life. A life you never imagined you could have. I love everyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicide by food? Lost alot of weight just to gain it back. Never got addicted to any drugs or alcohol but sitting here about to throw up from shoveling shit down my throat. My knees hurt from carrying around the extra weight and I know I should lose it but, I don't see myself living till 75 anyway (just turned 30). Anyone know how to overcome this? Feel like I'm just killing myself slowly
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self.depression
|
I'm can't remember... and it scares me. I'm 27, and I can't remember. I can't remember much of my younger days, I think I remember maybe two or three faces. I can't remember highschool, or or my old friends. I can't remember names or places.
It took me almost a year to get my sister's fiances name down and I still forget it every time I see him.
I've started forgetting simple things, like remembering to brush my teeth or daily plans I've made the week before. I forget things i've been told within minutes of hearing it. I feel like I'm losing a battle I'm forgetting to fight.
I've gone to doctors before. I've looked for help. They tell me there is nothing wrong because I'm too young to be losing my memory. They tell me my Muscle spasm disorder which has plagued me since I was a kid is not an issue because I've learned to live with it. I still can't cross the street without having an attack.
I am scared. They have told me my disorder is related to early onset Parkinson's. I have been told that there is a good chance for me to get it as early as my thirties or forties.
And it scares me. It scares me that I'm might become trapped in a body with no control. That I'd once again be a burden for someone to bare... And it scares me that with my fading ability to remember anything... that I'll forget a time when I wasn't like that.
**That I won't remember who I was, or who I still am....**
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self.offmychest
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I just quit my job. I’m a physicist. Or I was until about twenty minutes ago, at least. I got offered a position working freelance in developing technologies for another company - the money is better (I can earn in a week what I currently do in a month), I have freedom to work whenever I want, and hell, I even get to hang out with my dog more. But yet I still feel anxious, and I feel like I can’t keep all the breath in my body. The thing is, I know this is a good thing, I just wish my anxiety did too.
Any tips for getting through the next few weeks as I transition out of my job?
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self.Anxiety
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Doctor prescribed seroquel for bad sleep, low energy and anxiety. Just want to know other peoples experience with this drug? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Diagnosed Bipolar II 3 years ago, at a 1/4 life crisis at 27. someone HELP Hello,
So, I am a 25 year old male, and I was diagnosed by my school psychiatrist as bipolar.
Honestly, I told him to fuck himself and left. That was 3 years ago, and recently the symptoms have been so bad, I really can't ignore the diagnosis anymore. This is mainly due to my substance abuse problems, as I have been an addict since 17.
I am a graduate student studying philosophy and history at a school in California. So I did what I do best. I research. I wanted to find out why its so fucking hard to get help as an addict, and mentally handicapped human.
Right now in America, there are 23M people in America with substance abuse disorder. Of those 23M, only TEN PERCENT get help. Of those 10% that get help, 40-60% relapse in under a year. These are real stats. If you care enough about how credible these stats are, look it up yourself.
So where I am at now, no one wants to help. Even my own university said I am too much of a liability and need outside help because their Counseling department isn't "professionally equipped to deal with the real life problems that lead to substance abuse and addiction, unfortunately."
Can someone help? I just need someone to talk to.
-Logan
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self.bipolar
|
I am past the point of feeling suicidal. I hate my life. I don't feel anything at all, and I just want it to all be over, but unfortunately I am so bad at life I can't even fucking kill myself. Since age 13 I have tried killing myself 11 times and I was only caught the last time because I posted it on Facebook. I spent three days in a mental hospital and it was the worst time of my life. I felt like I was a sub-human, and now here I am picking fights on Reddit and other places just to feel something. I don't feel like anything is real. I feel dizzy and like I don't belong in my own body. I don't have friends, and I've fucked up every relationship I've ever had because I am so self-destructive. Whenever I hear sounds at night I pray that it's someone who's going to kill me while I sleep because after 11 times I can't do it myself.
Edit; I keep refreshing the page hoping that someone commented. I fucking hate myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anybody else wish they'd get the gift of a "good" death? Question in title. I feel like I've wanted to stop living for a while now but I know suicide's off the table because:
* It hurts the people that care about me (my family)
* It makes them think "they should have done something" or that they failed in raising me
* It makes talking about my death (and therefore my life) taboo, because to many suicide is seen as selfish and "the coward's way out"
* It makes the grieving process much more difficult (due to the reasons I've listed above)
On the other hand, if I died saving a baby from a burning building, or in war time, my death would be seen as a "heroic sacrifice." I'd be featured on the news and the community would rally around my family to give them support during the grieving process. They'd be able to talk about my death openly, as opposed to if I committed suicide where they'd have to kick it under the rug like I'm the shame of the family (which I guess I am/I would be.) I know it's such a fucked up line of thought (the concept of ending your life when man's only discernible reason for existing in this world is to exist and continue existing is in itself fucked up so much it defies basic human logic) but I've had a few near-death experiences (two serious illnesses and a car crash) in my life, and I keep feeling like I wish they'd have actually happened instead of just being a close call. It would've been a much cleaner, much more digestible (for my family) way to go. And this isn't about me caring about my legacy, either: if not for my family I'd have probably killed myself long ago. I don't care what people think about me, but I care about the people I'd leave behind and wish so much there was a way for me to end my pain without causing them any. It feels like such a clusterfuck.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not being taken seriously I have been self harming since a young age as a way of coping at my lowest, quieting my thoughts, and punishing myself and although I am 22 now, I still do it. My partner knows this but it only makes him angry, he doesn't care about pushing me to the point where I can't cope. I am so depressed that I can't bring myself to get out of bed or shower or take care of myself or anything, but no matter how much I try to communicate with my partner he just calls me lazy and resents me. I have told him I'm suicidal and want to end my life, but it's clear he doesn't take me seriously and won't until I do it. Yesterday he got angry at me over something fairly small and told me to kill myself. I've been crying out for help for so long and no one is listening. I'm scared to die and I have responsibilities which is why I haven't done it yet, but I'm getting closer every day and no one will take me seriously. I just want someone to listen and show me that life is worth living again instead of looking at me and just seeing the worst and resenting and hating me. I just want someone, anyone to reach out to me and be nice to me but clearly I'm not deserving of that
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self.SuicideWatch
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my days are numbered I plan to end my life the 4th of may My debt will be paid off im 18 and can barely pay it off but that is when it will be paid off I am gonna try to make these final months the best it may be even sooner but thats the latest i can go I have had enough to many mistakes and putting myself in debt is for sure one of them im talking 1k I hope these months fly..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I had a panic attack this morning over my relationship and just need some advice I think my boyfriend is just using me for my body. I’ve been dating this guy for a little over a month. I told him in the beginning that I wanted to wait for sex, and he seemed understanding. I’m a virgin, and he’s had sex multiple times in the past. Early on he would always make sure I felt safe with whatever we tried (excluding sex) physically. But now it seems like he’s getting impatient with me. He’s always asking about when I’m going on birth control, and mentioning sex in conversation.
I was running on no sleep yesterday because I was in the ER with my grandma all weekend in a foreign state with no help. My boyfriend was like “you’re boring” and “two more weeks until this is over, we both are just waiting for winter break to be done with this” but he said it jokingly but like why would you joke about that?
I’m generally an outgoing person and have made tons of new friends since entering college, but now I’m so worried that I’ve become basic and boring to the people around me.
Finals are coming up and my grandma is recovering and my boyfriend might break up with me if we don’t have sex soon. I know those aren’t major things and compared to people in other places and situations I should be grateful and not complaining. I wish I wasn’t so worried about everything. I’m sorry, I just need some support or advice. Anything really.
Sorry for the long post.
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self.Anxiety
|
Bipolar is such a rollercoaster I have bipolar disorder and an eating disorder.
Yesterday I woke up in a great mood! By 11 am I was a bit moody. Then I ate things that were not healthy. Then I felt bad which turned into severe sadness for the rest of the day.
Today I feel amazing though!
Sometimes I get tired of all the highs and lows but I continue on for my family.
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self.bipolar
|
Convincing someone that they need help For starters, this is some heavy stuff.
Alright friends, I need some real advice. To understand the extent of what I'm dealing with here, you should my mother and I are both Type II, while my father is Type I. My little brother may or may not have either it's too soon to tell My father has been over the top manic for about 10 days now, like the worst I've ever seen him in 20 years. Not that he's been easy in the last 20 years, but it's gotten almost unbearable. He is a collector of random things, he loves to thrift shop and bring home random little things all the time. It's borderline OCD hoarding, but we occasionally managed to get him to get rid of stuff over the years. Well, he's started coming up with these pipe dreams about starting a business with all of his friends, and he's leaving all this weird shit all around the house. Every flat surface including his own bed is just covered in junk in random positions and combinations that he is calling inventions. He is so manic and angry all the time that he is hard to be around. My mom has gotten so fed up that she has told him to leave but he seriously thought it was a joke.
Two years ago he tried to kill himself by crashing my car, he survived and ended up in patient for a week. He actually had his shit together for a year, going to therapy and taking his meds. He even stopped using drugs to self medicate. But he's slowly gotten worse over the past year until we have gotten here. It's really hard to have a conversation with him because he hardly listens, he thinks he is always right, and he has such a strong manic personality that he is honestly intimidating to the whole family. Plus he is always high.
So, how do I talk to this man and convince him to go back to a doctor and stop self medicating? Maybe even get back on some real meds. We want him understand what he is putting his family through but we also want to be careful because of his past suicide attempt. My mother is past her breaking point and barely holding together so I have to do this basically on my own. Thankfully he isn't violent, but I'm still pretty scared to try and talk to him about this in his in the state he is in. He talks down to us, and gets angry every time he feels something isn't going exactly the way he thinks it should. It's even worse in his "invincible" manic state. I need to step up and fix this before it blows up into something unfixable. Before it breaks me and fucks up my brother even more.
This ended up being half rant, but I appreciate any advice on how to approach this situation. Thank you for reading.
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self.bipolar
|
I will live 2 months. That's it. Recommend me activities before death I just need to hear some fun and final things to enjoy before death.
The only thing that is motivating me to live on is my website in development. If it succeeds, I can enjoy income on auto. I am putting all my saved money into it.
My medicine doesn't reduce the depression I fought since 12. I yell at people in my head from time to time.
I don't want to improve my life, anymore. I found a peaceful way to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
you ever just forget that things can be enjoyable? i spend most of my time doing very mundane stuff to pass the time alone and i go to bed really early because what else am i gonna do but it’s 2:30 right now and i stayed up forever just playing video games with a bunch of friends and it’s the most fun i’ve had in such a long time i forgot it was possible for things to feel this good
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self.depression
|
Rapid cycling with Zoloft I've been on Zoloft for 7 months and have been suffering with some severe rapid cycling. I'm getting several cycles within just a day or too and it's just totally destroying me. Dr. Google has said that SSRIs can cause this, but I'm so new with meds that I have no idea what to expect with Zoloft (I'm on the max dose of 200mg). I've contacted my doc to see if I can switch off and try something new. Is this a common thing with Zoloft? I'm also on abilify, lamictal, buspar, klonopin, and trazadone.
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self.bipolar
|
I fucked up majorly So basically I was with a girl whom I loved but she led me on for a few weeks. Then got with my friend they're still together but she got sexual with me and things happened nothing physical but still a shitty move by me. I told my family and friend of it some took it better then others but now I've lost a friend of 5 years. I feel like just a scumbag and I have to do something to make it up but i still haven't forgiven myself. I don't associate with her anymore and i told my friend she's with he's forgiven me but I cant get this feeling out of my gut that this will haunt me. I talked to my close friend of 5 years and she said " I hope some one cheats on you so you know how it feels you have a whole future filled with regert"
TL:DR I'm gonna lose a close friend cause of a terrible and stupid decision
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self.depression
|
I feel way too old For the past few months I've started to recover steadily from very severe depression through therapy and medication (I've had like 10 suicide attempts just this year). What I've come to realise is just how hard it is to relate to people my age now. I mean its great not having to have to put a face on in public, but there are some sides of me that I just can't show, it feels like I know too much in a way. I mean I'm only 19, but I feel like fucking 60 or something with regards to acceptance and life in general. Like I guess my interests haven't changed, but my view of life is completely different to what it used to be. Anyone else feel the same way?
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self.depression
|
Ex calling herself Kim Kardashian This was probably 2 - 3 years ago. And after a bunch of unpacking and therapy and whatever I have finally gotten over her. Its great to say that.
A lot went wrong and the story is very convoluted. Something, I wanted to say though that was bothering me was how on multiple multiple occasions, she would say that she had the body of Kim Kardashian. TRUTHFULLY, all I knew about Kim Kardashian was that she was rich, she was famous for a sex tape, and she was apparently an attractive woman. If you gave me a picture of her maybe I could identify who she was, maybe I couldnt. She would say this to me and in my mind I was like, okaaaay? Like I don't know why you are bringing this up? And then one time I asked her, what do you mean? And she was like oh like the proportions of her body and guys think that she is the most beautiful girl. In my mind again, I independently thought she was attractive and I didn't get the reference but she identified with it so I was like ok cool.
Anyway, now that I know more about Kim Kardashian I feel like it was kind of obnoxious. I mean at the time I really thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world and I think I made that clear to her. I used to tease her about stuff all the time but NEVER her body, because I know that people are really insecure about how they look and I would never want to add to any of her insecurities. I never so much as looked at another girl. (Tangent: in fact when she was really jealous of my friend who was a girl- she kind of made me stop being friendly with her and unfortunately I did.) So back to the main topic- like if you feel comfortable in your skin like thats great! If you think you are beautiful- good for you! But to say that you have the body of a celebrity that is known for her insane proportions is kind of conceited. WHO CARES!? I don't go around saying, I have the body of Chris Hemsworth, in fact if any guy ever said that I would definitely cringe, even if it was Chris Hemsworth.
Also just another GEM, she called me the names of other guys including her ex's because she couldn't let go talking to him because he " needed her to be a friend". LOOOL. This was longer than I thought it would be BUT I am over her thankfully. Honestly, I just saw a kim kardashian video on youtube that was trending and so thats why I thought of this and I was like, OH that was obnoxious haha.
THANKS FOR READING
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self.offmychest
|
I declined a job offer from an employer because I couldn't get over anxiety and feel terribly down again I've been struggling with anxiety for the past 5 years or so after losing a job, spending more time indoors and besides getting temporary thrills from the thought of hitting the road to my next job interview, I let negative thoughts get the best of me once again.
I used to love driving cars especially over bridges, barrel up freeway on ramps, highways were fun..but all that changed. I began feeling more and more anxious about activities that provided big thrills like motorcycling, downhill skiing, fast driving...until I stopped doing them altogether and became a virtual hermit, unemployed with no future. Spent more and more time online...on my computer, alone. The more time I spent alone on my computer, the more depressed I became with recurring negative thoughts.
I was able to snap out of briefly when I went back to school last year and graduated this past spring but the only gigs I've had are short term and didn't last. So far the back to school idea has resulted in a bad ROI. I've had some interviews lately and even gotten a couple of offers but each time I'm presented with the chance to fly to an interview or fly as part of the regular duties of the position, I choke. The thought of being strapped down to an aircraft seat and panicking during take off and again throughout the flight with nowhere to escape was too much and so I declined interviews and offers. In fact I did it again with a company and lost out again. The company offered me $40,000 a year and that was going to be my best salary so far since graduating but I messed it up because I was scared. And now after taking weeks to decide on an offer, I said no, again because of the anxiety to fly.
I disappointed my parents again and I feel like such a failure. This was my chance to move out of their house (I returned after being fired from another job this fall) , buy a car, gain freedom, happiness...but no, I let my mind hold me back again. I feel so empty now and feel the frown on my face...:(
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self.depression
|
You Know What The Worst Part Of Depression Is (FOR ME) That everyone who tries to help you, just drives you further into a grave. I hate myself and I don't think my life is worth anything. I go to help lines and chat lines and the conversation gets cut short because they don't know how to deal with me or because their one breathing exercise that they all use doesn't work for me, or they think if I say/type everything I feel it'll make me not want to die. Before you say try this line, or try again, this has happened 20 times, I'm good. I wish that was an exaggeration.
Or worse, when you tell someone you think is a friend that you want to die. It's not their fault all they know to say is that they're sorry and they wish it weren't that way. But I can deal without the promises to be there for me and that they'll talk to me the next day, because anywhere from weeks to months to a year passes by when *I* have to initiate the conversation and they act like I never had a problem. I can do without the attitude or defensiveness when I give you the out of saying that you don't have to make that promise, and you stick to your guns. Leaving my idiot self to sit here thinking that any day my phone is going to ring and I'm ring to talk to someone. I can do without the barrage of generic phrases like"it gets better" or "hang in there" or "you're going to be happy soon" because if you believed that why would you avoid me and my life. Why when I tell someone that someone else said all of those generic things, then turned around and told me that they didn't care about me or if I killed myself then proceeded not to talk to me again, that you call them idiots then essentially do the same thing? You're not just proving them right, you're proving me right.
Then you continue the cycle of going from stranger to "friends' to stranger and rant to the void that is the internet only to realize that none of it matters. You can get a bunch f messages saying "I care" you can talk, you can spill your guts and then you can say you feel better and leave. You can also lie and die later. Because that's what someone broken does. They don't respond well to breathing techniques and generic sayings and fake promises don't bring hope. All this crap that seems to work on everyone else that you get in yet another pamphlet about depression and suicidal thoughts means nothing anymore. All the games they make you play to trick you into saying that you care abut something, you still manage to lose. hen someone asks what's the one thing that matters to you, you literally can't think anything. All the help is just confirmation. fuel to fire. So you stay silent. At least, you're mouth doesn't move. But you're mind is buzzing with loud voices reminding you of the option that's most permanent. So you think of your friends like everyone tells you, and you side with the voices.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My mum is committing benefit fraud, what can I do? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
i am tired i am tired i am tired of being unwanted i am tired of crying i am tired of always who cares more i am tired of being sad i am tired of people's reactions i am tired of hiding i am tired of scaring i am tired of getting older i am tired of thinking i am just so tired of living. if life is going to be like this i don't wanna live anymore. i hate being me and everyone hates me cause i am me... (btw sorry english is my second language)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can somebody PLEASE hurry up and invent a way to donate your life to someone in need already? I can't cope with this shit anymore. I want to die so fucking badly but I don't want my parents to suffer over my death. Please, let me give my life to somebody who would actually appreciate it and do something with it. All the opportunity in the world is at my feet yet all I can do is sit here trying to figure out what kinda pretentious bullshit I can post on reddit.
I don't even want to get out of bed anymore. I haven't been a responsible, functioning human being in almost six years. Please, somebody else take the fucking wheel because I'm too tired to keep driving.
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self.depression
|
Should I break up with my girlfriend or stay with her Hi. Like the title says. I've been very very depressed and it's now at the point where idk if my girlfriend is making it worse or helping me. She has helped me by helping me find counseling and helping me deal with my depression or so I think. She's been crying alot about me because she worried about me all the time. I feel so terrible. I feel like if i wasn't in her life she wouldn't have to deal with this. That's why sometimes it even makes me feel like maybe I should kill myself. I haven't talked to my counselor yet about this. I've been feeling this way for a little while now. It's hard when I hear her cry. I feel like I'm hurting her without doing anything and the only way for me to fix this is to hurt myself. She is the only person I feel like genuinely loves and cares about me. It hurts so much knowing her tears are for me. Idk if I leave her if that will make it better for the both of us.
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self.depression
|
Birthday depression My birthday is in two weeks and I honestly don’t want to even try to do anything to celebrate. Because of me fucking up a really important friendship, I don’t really feel like I deserve to celebrate or have anything good happen. I don’t know. I always get depressed around my birthday and the current situation definitely isn’t helping. It just kinda feels like I wasted another year of my life, only this time I managed to make my life worse by severely isolating and ruining one of the only friendships I had that built me up as a person. I just feel like a garbage person who doesn’t deserve 22 years of life.
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self.bipolar
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No Christmas dinner Had a pack of instant noodles then went to bed. So much for a Christmas dinner
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self.depression
|
Pregnancy Scares FML ! I have a huge huge anxiety triggers about late menstruation periods. It all started way back when i lost my virginity , the girl was late for some days right after we had our first sex. It just got into my mind and ever since then im extreme when it comes to taking care of condoms , pills or what ever its req to ease my mind around that topic.
But the situation with my current girlfriend is complex , at first she decided to take pills , then she had some headaches or something i felt sorry for her and asked her to stop cause it might have been from pills. It turned out it wasnt but nvm , i tried to implement the condoms it sucks for me yeah but i was fine with that. Turned out she hates condoms and has some weird feeling while we are having sex. So since then lets say in period of past 6 months we have been having sex without any protection. She said she have to visit her doctor to get pills again and so i was waiting.
I dont have to say those things happen in heat of moment and i agreed to have sex with her without any protection ( i took care of her menstrual calendar so we avoided high risk days ). And then like a fucking curse this kicked in , her period last month was early for 5 days. We both tough its the implantation bleeding because she said she didnt bleed that much but it lasted as full menstrual period. Now this month her period is already 14 days late , she took 3 tests all 3 of them were negative. I dont know how can i shake this terrible anxiety off me , i know there is no chance i came in her not even close. I know we cant keep child or anything like that it ( dont care if u are pro life or what ever ) she agrees on that too , shes going to visit gynecologist in monday.
I dont know what to say im really anxious about it and i cant imagine how will i feel about it if that thing happens. I feel guilt cause iv been retarded and agreed on sex like that cause i know i cant handle it mentaly . I just hope this stuff will pass , and really no sex in world is worht of this feeling , my libido is lower then ever i think my relationship is coming to an big question right after this ...
Anyone have some advice for this ? Or a positive story about it , all i read is how womens have been taking pregnancy tests numerous time with negative results still end up being pregnant even after blood test... I just hope her doctor will clear it up what ever it is.
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like a fraud I have been an advocate for Aspergers and Autism for years, because I have Aspergers. But lately I feel like a fraud because I wish I didn’t have it. I feel like everything I built up under the guise of being an Aspie is a lie. One of my favorite adults growing up told me that my creativity stems from my Aspergers. I feel that my Autism doesn’t contribute anything to it. Lately I feel all that it does is cause problems. I still hate Autism Speaks and bullshit “cures” (read as inhumane treatment). But I can also hate that whatever I do will probably have problems due to my Aspergers.
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self.offmychest
|
Quitting Pot, studying and philosophy, living alone, how I lost my girlfriend and being depressed (WARNING! it gets DARK) So I've stopped smoking pot on the 11th of Nov. but smoked half of a small joint on the 19th. It just didn't feel right, I got like no joy out of it (my "relapse").
Then I sat down and thought about a few things, about how your mind works differently while being high and about you know god and stuff. Recently I often watched videos about criticism of Islam, mainly because some turkish guy(s) (because it also happend more than once) stole a lot of money from me (more than 700€ added up), well the fact that I need to be careful what I say now is one of the reasons I don't like their "heads down for non-believers" - agenda/Sharia horror.
I showed them that I can be trusted first, but my trust in them just got taken advantage of. anyway that's not what this should be about.
I'm a computer science student (we call it "Informatik" in Germany, and it's more about the mathematics and science of information in general) and though I haven't applied for the "functional programming" course and lectures (it's basically all just repetion for me. I had all of this stuff in Highschool when I did my "Abitur"/"Matura" and I don't know what I am doing there now, the batchelor degree feels useless), I kind of still did some research about Heskell the programming language taught in this course.
So while being high after one week of abstinence it struck me like a lightning bolt (not that I didn't have this view before, but it reclaimed my mind):
What if what people call god, no matter which religion or whatever can also be viewed like the iteration above your's in the linear flow of time, or like the "higher" operation in an accumulator in a functional programming language, or like the bigger fractal above your "present moment-fractal", like what loop is going to be happen next, because of the loops that have been ran previously, so your possible future self will manifest like recursion works in this set of rules (determined by your neural network), it then surely is outside of the physical world (at least the present snapshot), so the whole god-thing is just your past pushing you (your presentself) and maybe the future pulling you towards a specific outcome or event, and religious people are just fooled into thinking it is a higher being, which cares about you and how you think about it, I mean if it is just you why should you think bad about yourself anyway (if you didn't do something wrong).
But then I got bored of it again because I've allrdy thought about this millions of times. I sat on my couch high and this insight got me no step further, I got nothing out of it whether I share it (just created this reddit account) or program some apps in the future, it may be a "true" point of view but the knowledge of it is not something which influences my life, maybe it would for someone who hasn't smoked as much pot as I did and who hasn't got a clue about programming, and who is fanatically into any religion, but for me personally getting high and having thoughts like this (they don't have to be related to functional programming, they can also be about people and interactions, karma or whatever) is actually preventing me from doing what these thoughts describe, because I will lack motivation (though it may boost creativity while drawing) to do anything, I may have the illusion of motivation but won't act on it. Explaining them could also be a job, but I would do it in the form of blogs or this reddit post and that won't help me nether moneywise nor socially, so it gets me no step further, at least as long as I get high alone, don't socialize and don't share these philosophical questions and answers with a women, who is sexually interested in me (and ofc me in her). But that's not what I want, making cannabis do all the work for me. So I recognized another problem: me being incredibly insecure or shy without pot, but with pot I also won't talk when getting too high and can't even react when eg. sb. else flirts with a girl I like. Or I just lose interest fast when getting ignored.
It's like I don't know why or for what I even study. Just for the money, which is worth noting if you can't share it? I know what I want, I want to want something, but kind of can't find it. I also don't need pot to recognize all of this. I'm kind of depressed and lately because of stopping to smoke cigarettes and pot I instead will just eat and eat and eat and go to the gym, when my depression turns into aggression, but me studying, doing sports, drawing and doing art, even gaming won't fill the hole in my heart and the void keeps bleeding and screams for some love.
One year ago I got my first own flat, renovated it and put a lot of work, effort and time into it, it still doesn't feel like home and I've never been this lonely, my ex Mary Jane (let's name her this for privacy reasons, but her name really nearly equals "Marijuana", this really got me fucked up in the head too; smoked mj since I was 14, am 22 now; we were together for two years, then had an open relationship for like a year, but only she took advantage of it (also got raped like two hand full of times), have been separated and not seen each other for like one and a half year), and sometimes like every two days I just sit here alone stare at my wall for a few hours and wonder what I am even doing. Living at her house I had a better family life than ever and now it's even worse than before, but it's also fucked up even more because she took MDMA the second year of our relationship, until she did it every weekend... Always without me, in the club or with friends (one of them who is into her saw me renovating her house and gave it probably because of that to her in the first place, his "plan" worked, they still roll together and I am just what this post describes). My first pill she got me for my birthday separated us and the third complety. It feels like she used it like a scalpel to cut me out of existence, while moving out I "lost" like all of my furniture, the circle of friends (though her close ones kind of hated me anyway), family, life, sometimes even the ability to understand and follow stuff in university because of my mdma overdoses or and lack of motivation now. And I really know the girl I once fell in love with, now is completely braindead and turned into a hoe. I failed to protect her from the drugs and will constantly live in fear someone will give an extasy pill to my next girlfriend, it will just be like before she will allways promise me never to take it again, I will be there for her every time she cries because of it and if I were to take it and overdose I get cut out, her promise will maybe last three weeks, until she gets wasted the next weekend, can't be trusted w/ ath. am., cheats and is being depressed for one to two weeks because of the mdma down, then she also will fail to be my sunshine, will be addicted to it and take it every weekend (an other reason why I need to stop smoking pot, to not be like her, though these drugs aren't comparable) and the new girl will also make me responsible for her depression and kick me out (of now my own flat :D). she really must be wrong with "get happy alone fist, before you can be happy in a new relationship", she traded fake love pills, which destroy your brain cells, turn you into an empathyless person afterwards, ruin your logic thinking, turned her D-bra size into a small A-Cup, treated me like shit and did things she promised me to do with her on MD with sb else after sending me to my mom at 1am. exchanged this bullshit for my love and tells me "I should be able to be happy alone [...]". It's clearly not working out. And my student loan debts just keep on rising. She still lives by her parents for free has no monthly costs, works in the supermarket in front of my door and rubs it into my face being able to save 450€ a month...
Hmm I just wanted to share the first part and now this post turns into something bad :/ "welcome to my dark side". Everyday I think about committing suicide all the possibilities of ending this fucked up life, all the positive aspects of that and it really gets "tasty", I am not afraid of doing it, but I know I wont.
I left so much out, how often she went to the club without me, and I was laying in bed and whether or not I was grinding my teeth I would know if she has taken mdma again. Or how when we finally did go to the club together she got blackouts 7 fucking times while being sober. I don't want to imagine what happens when she took mdma in the club. I even caught her 6 times, and her head didn't hit the ground, once she nearly fell down a one meter high step and I sprinted 10m to save her, just so that would also cut into my own flesh, because instead of being in the hospital with me on her side, she sends me home (a week later) and orders that other guy (a stranger she met twice before) who wasn't able to catch her (he was standing right next to her that day) during her blackout, so she could do bodypainting with him while rolling (she promised me and really wanted to do it with me for 3 weeks and told me like 10 times), fucks him and give a shit about what that does to my psyche. It feels like I lost my body and the other guy is the version of me who didn't took mdma (even more funny because I just met him those two times on the same pill (took a really tiny bit of it that day in club).
I don't want to end this post like this soo... I kind of am working on a datingapp for Android, because all the current ones are useless and only want your money, hell I even got messages from admins and "controllers", people who work for some of the datingapps, fake-accounts asking me questions so I would pay 35€ for 26 Messages. I really need to end this and programming something serious, where people really could fall in love with each other, would at least give some meaning to my life, also hitting the gym and getting bigger is a goal, but that's just done with the power of hate right now.
what now? AMA?
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self.depression
|
I always thought it was just normal for everyone I stumbled upon this sub by accident. I knew anxiety was a thing but my whole life I never really read much into it because it was a problem 'other people' had.
After reading so much descriptions/symptoms of what really bad anxiety is like, I only realized for the first time in my life that it's what I have. Any instance that I'm put on the spot, whether it be talking to people, presentation at school/work, performing, attending an event, or literally just even walking into a room where there are people I would just get paralyzed by my nerves. Even the thought of doing any of these things gets me so anxious before even doing it. Minutes, hours, or even days prior to it.. constantly thinking about it. But I thought it was normal.
My body would just start trembling, speech slurring, heart beating quickly and just feel really weird. I thought it was normal and that everyone just had it because it's normal to feel nervous but after coming across this sub.. apparently it's not.
I'm so relieved to know that it's not normal because I feel like I can get help. I really feel like I'm on the extreme side of things and thinking of seeing my doctor about it and getting prescribed for something. I used to be in a band and whenever we performed everyone was always so calm and collected before every performance but I felt like I was about to die EVERY TIME!! I thought it was because I was the vocalist/frontman so it was normal since there was more pressure on me. One time during an audition, I was trembling so hard that my whole body was like it was going into a seizure. My voice was so unstable and it was so embarrassing.
I'm happy to have found you guys
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self.Anxiety
|
I hate the feeling anti-depressants give me I feel that every part of my brain is telling me to be anxious and be depressed, but I just can't. I have every reason to just sit down and cry but I just feel numb.
The worst part is, I can't decide if just dealing with the depression is worse or not.
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self.depression
|
i️ secretly hope my family dies that way I can go without worrying about them being sad.
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self.depression
|
I’m so depressed I’m losing the will to live Today was a first for me I was to depressed to go to work. That’s never happened to me before. I’m so down in the dumps all I want to do is sleep or die in a hole or be a loaf ( what my friend calls me when I’m too depressed to get out of bed and curl up into blankets) i want to start self harming again but I’m really fighting the feeling too. I’m starting to have a mental breakdown over where my life is and how I’m going nowhere and how everything is meaningless. I know this is textbook depression and that it will pass but I can never fully shake the feeling or thought that this is forever. I saw my therapist today and she told me to call my psychologist which I just don’t have the energy to do it was hard to even get to my appointment. I don’t know what’s wrong with me all I know is that this depression is heading down really bad and if I can’t stop it I’m afraid i might need to go to the hospital again. :/ I just need to let this all out.
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self.bipolar
|
New mom and I’m trying to decide if my kid is better off without me or with me. The only thing keeping me here is my son. Is it better for him if I stay alive and raise him and risk ruining him and screwing him up? Or should I just kill myself and he will have his amazing father and grandparents to raise him?
My husband and in laws are incredible people. I mean my husband has been pushing me over the edge lately, but the things he does aren’t crazy, I think my emotions are causing me to overreact inside. Sometimes he makes me feel like asking him for help with our 5 month old son is such a chore for him. Like it’s an inconvenience to watch him so you have to do everything.
But I understand it takes guys longer to bond with their babies. I get it. But he makes me feel so unloved but I don’t know how to make myself feel loved. When I talk to him, he reacts perfectly and asks how he can make things better, but I don’t have an answer and it makes me feel like a ducking crazy person.
It’s not fair for me to have these emotional issues and raise my boy. He deserves so much better. I don’t want him to have the childhood I had. I was raped, molested, verbally and physically abused and neglected because of my dads emotional issues. I CAN’T put my little guy through that. He is the only thing I’ve ever done right.
But I’m the other hand, how will he feel growing up knowing I killed myself? What if I wrote him a note so he always knows it wasn’t his fault and he’s the best part of me and I only want him to be happy? Does that help him being raised without his mother?
If I do it, I know his father and grandparents and aunts and uncles will be incredible and he will have an amazing childhood.
I feel like I’m going to ruin his childhood if I stay here. Jesus ducking Christ I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me?!? I am so incredibly blessed in life and I manage to feel like this. What is wrong with me?!
I don’t want to be here. I don’t. I have everything to live for, but it hurts to live. I don’t know anymore. I only feel loneliness and pain. I don’t understand what is wrong with me. I just want to be happy.
I just want to be happy.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to apologize for a traffic incident but I don't know who you are Me: driving an old Corolla
You: driving a black SUV, probably a BMW or Mercedes
We were at an intersection in DC, near foggy bottom. You were behind me at a stop light. I attempted to make a left turn and you honked at me, and I instinctively (in DC fashion) gave you the finger.
You kept honking. I had had a stressful day and traffic was making it worse, so I kept reflexively yelling at you and giving you the finger. You kept honking.
Eventually I made the left and that's when I noticed the "No left turn between such and such time" sign that I somehow hadn't seen. In that moment, I knew I had become exactly what I hate: that fucking asshole who disrupts traffic and makes the commute in DC just that much more unbearable.
I want to tell you that you were right and I am wrong. I take back every bird I flipped you and wish I could buy you a beer to make things right. I am truly sorry, and if by some miracle you see this, please forgive me.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anxious over switching doctors I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years now, but for the last year or so I haven't been too fond of him. Recently, communication with him has gotten to be really difficult, not just by him cutting down on office hours and overall accessibility, but also by the quality of communication. He interrupts me a lot, doesnt seem to care about my opinions, doesnt discuss med changes with me before prescribing, and doesnt give me much autonomy over my care. I know all of these things are red flags and warning signs that I need a new doctor.
Most recently, the instance that finally led me to change docs was I called him a couple weeks ago to ask him a question about one of my meds and he responded very rudely. There had been other occasions where this happened but this crossed the line of rudeness. I was in shock, I didnt even realize what had happened until I saw my therapist, told her the story, and she was appalled. She even said "I am so sorry you had this experience". Since this happened I have been under excruciating anxiety. Just the thought of having to see him again and possibly be spoken to that way again makes me feel sick. With the advice of my family and friends, I cancelled my next appointment with him and made an intake appointment with a new doctor.
I am looking for advice as to how to tell my psychiatrist that I am transferring my care to a new one. My anxiety is so excruciatingly high from our last conversation that I dont think I can bare doing anything other than sending him an email or letter informing him that I chose to transfer my care. I read an article online that if a doctor makes you uncomfortable, you do not owe them any explanation when you change docs, but since he has a tendency towards rudeness and coldness I fear that if I left without saying anything it would not be good. I think the anxiety if it all is just making me paranoid so any advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks
|
self.Anxiety
|
Constantly tired I’ve been constantly tired since I can remember. No matter how much I sleep or how little I’m still tired and have no energy. I always wake up with a headache aswell but I’ve kind of gotten used to it. I’ve also realized my memory is absolutely terrible now it’s difficult to read a paragraph without forgetting what I read a few seconds ago. This isn’t anything new but I wanted to say something to someone, been pretty sad today.
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self.depression
|
Cost of Ketamine infusions? They don't take insurance.
https://www.actifyneuro.com/about-ketamine/
Anyone had this done and paid out of pocket?
Any ideas?
Looks like standard course is 6 infusions...
|
self.depression
|
Radical Acceptance I was talking to someone in the home treatment team that have been coming out to see me lately. He asked if I'd ever heard of radical acceptance, which I hadn't.
Basically it means looking at yourself objectively and seriously looking at what you can and can't achieve due to whatever circumstances may make it unattainable. In my case this is mainly accepting that there will be things that I'm never going to be able to do due my illness and it's effects on my life.
I've been finding it really difficult to look at myself in this way and acknowledge that there are things that I just won't be able to do. However, I think that it's having a positive effect, being able to know my limitations and plan a future around them.
I often have unrealistic expectations of myself and this has led me to a trail of things I've started, such as my masters, jobs, writing a novel etc that may be out of reach. Accepting this, as I I said, is really hard but I think it'll help in the long run.
It's probably best to google this if you're interested as my explanation here is just based on the conversation we had. Anyway, just thought I'd share this in case it helps anybody here.
Love to everyone :)
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self.bipolar
|
Today is my first anniversary when I called the suicide hotline and my life fell apart I really can't believe its been a full year since it happen. I have been crying just nonstop and I feel like its time I talked about it.
December 20, 2016. I did something bad and ashamed of it. My ex (Bryan) broke up with me around thanksgiving but I love him from the bottom of my heart. To cope with my break up I would login his Skype and read his messages. I know it was bad but I couldn't controle myself. That night I read something I wish I never read. I found out when we were together he's been asking this other girl for her nudes. Hes been saving them and wanted to hook up with her. It broke my heart,.. it hurt so much that I drink my pain away for the first time. For the first time I was drunk. In my drunkin mind I thought of this sneezy plan. I'll send my nudes to him, pretend someone hack my phone, and he will run back to my arms. I used an untraceable email. I send him, my sibilings and myself the shameful emails. I waited a couple of hours and called him crying. Told him someone is threatening me and I don't know what to do. He rushed over to my place and try to help me out. Him beinge here with me was everything to me.
Before he left I asked him if he can spend Christmas with me. He said he'll think about it. We hug and he left. When he left I felt crazy bad about what I just did. I didn't know who to talk too so I went to my roommate and told him everything. This was one of the worse mistakes I ever did. I login into my sibilings email and forward the shamful emails to myself and deleted before they can see it,
December 25, 2016. I waited all morning and all night for Bryan. But he never called or came over. I cried once more. I spend Christmas alone and depressed. My dad asked me to come over for dinner but I just couldn't do it... i wanted to know where he was. I tried my best to stay out of his skype account but my broken heart couldn't do it. I log in and read that hes been home the whole time. I was hurt once more and drink my problems away. Finally, i went to my roommate (whos supposed to be my best friend) and told him how i feel for the last time. He made everything worse. Called me a crazy bitch, bryan doesnt care about me, he used me, i should be ashame of myself, I'm a piece of shit, I can't do anything right, get over it, why didn't I send him nudes? ect. For 80% of my "theropy session" he mostly talked about himself. How it took 3 years for him to move on and how he did what I did and snoop on his ex messages. But its okay when he did it. After 3 hours of his theropy session and how I should "paid" him next time for being so great. I kept my anger to myself and lock myself to my room.
I clean my room, charge all my devices, pack my luggags, pack my car, and ran away from home. I don't want to be in this toxic enviornment anymore.
December 27, 2016. I don't know where I was going but I needed this. I spend most of my time thinking about how I can stop this. How I can tell Bryan the truth about the emails without pushing him away. How to say the right words, how I can stop messing up, how to say I'm sorry... I'm sorry for lying to you... i have been snooping on your skype and I'm sorry. It was hard but I feel like it was the right thing to do.
That following night I called him and we talked. Like nothing happen. He asked for updates about the emails. I lied again and told him i reported to the police. I wanted to buy myself some time to work on my apology. Later, our friendly conversation turn into our toxic arguing. He caught me lying about snooping on his Skype. Things got out of controle. I remember all the names he called me and pointing out my mental health. But it was the words "I never want to see you ever again, get away from me". That made me snap. I hanged up the phone, Grab my knife, crush a bunch of pain killers, snort them up and swallowing bottles. I want to **FUCKING KILL MYSELF** I remeber crying hysterically while swallowjng all these drugs. Why cant I do anything right? I hate myself, nobody likes me and I hurt the only person I care about, i called the suicide hotline.
December 28, 2017. I told them about Bryan, my suicide attempt, and our arguement. The hotline put a three way call with the three of us. Everybody calm down. The hotline wanted to send someone to check on me. I knew what she meant. I said I won't turn on my device location. After talking Bryan convince me to turn it on. He said he's going to come over so we can talk. I agree and turn on my location. We all hang up and I lay down.
20 minutes later I felt my car move. I woke up and the next thing I knew i was surrounded by 6 police officer, ambulence, fire trucks, and cop cars. I remember one of them pointed his gun at me and told me to slowly get out of the car. I was scared. When everyone calm down i told the cop I swallow a bunch of pills because I wanted to kill myself. He tell the ambulence to take me to the hospital. When I arrived, 20 minutes later Bryan arrived. He sat with me and we talked. He gave me my Christmas present. I was so happy to see his face. 8 hours later, the hospial staff told me I was Baker Act. I bawl my eyes out. They transfer me to an another hospital. I hug Bryan a good bye and was sent away.
The next week i lost everything. My roommate kicked me out and stole my stuff, he posed as my family member and got me fired, he went on my computer and download all of my personal photos on his computer, he told Bryan the truth and Bryan never wanted to see me again...in the hospital i found out I was pregnant. Im alone, homeless, stuck, suicidal, depeessed, regretful, hurt, everything... i just want to die...
All of this was last year... to anyone who read my boring long story. Thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Have you ever just considered giving up? To me some days the world just seems like a boring and long cycle so many of us go through every single day, we earn money to spend on food, shelter and paying every single bill we get. I’m currently finishing up in college where I will go on to become a police officer and I can’t help the urge in the back of my head just to give everything up. Now by this I don’t mean end my own life...god no! I mean leaving my country and finding some place where you can just be you, without being formed into a person the government wants you to be. Just living without law and enjoying your own freedom from the small stresses of today’s world.
Don’t judge me to hard - I’m a weird but wonderful person really :)
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self.offmychest
|
i hate myself new year eve edition i hate how i isolate myself and then complain
i hate myself since i know what i have to do but i cant choose it because i seem to love being sad / depressed
i hate myself since i cant self harm like i desire
i hate myself since i cant go back and change what has happened
i hate myself since i put myself in these situations
i hate myself since i just hate myself
why cant i just die.. nobody would care if it happened this cruel world is sickening and i just wish i could put everyone that's made all of us suicidal on suicide watch. i hate the human race so much like i dont even know how i feel anymore all i know is sadness at the moment and pretending to be happy on the internet. like ive tried co2 poisoning for a short period of time with a towel covering my nose and mouth but i got scared and i didnt want anyone walking in on me attempting since i dont have my own room.
i just wish i was able to do what many of you brave souls have realized on this reddit nobody understands at all and im just confused at the moment i dont even know why i wrote this but i hope you have a good new year. if you wasted your time reading this im sooo sorry please please pleaseee just try to get the time you spent on this back.
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self.depression
|
Emotional torture is taught Those who have been tortured derive pleasure from torturing others.
People who can cut others deep, have been cut deep. That’s how they learned how to wield the knife.
Only those who have been torn apart step by step, can inflict that type of pain. Those who know how to emotionally devastate a person, only know that it works because they felt it first hand.
I’m not trying to condone the behaviour. I’m simply stating that the only way one human could devastate another, is by experiencing that devastation themselves.
Emotional torture is taught. The ones who really know how to get into your head, and make you wish you weren’t alive, have experienced that. That’s how they know how to break you, because they themselves were broken.
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self.depression
|
Sleep is my friend. I’ve been doing very badly recently. My thoughts whirl between suicide and cutting. The only peace I get is when I’m sleeping. Then for the most part I’m free. Free to be a super hero or some other thing. Well until the nightmares come. Still even when the nightmares come I can wake up and then every thing is fine... until I start thinking again. I just wish I could sleep forever
This has probably been said before, but oh well.
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self.depression
|
Welcome me to the club Hi, I'm finally sure I have anxiety. No one knows about this. I'm really happy to at least know my problem so I can deal with it. Next step is trying to convince my parents lol.
Here's the link after which I was pretty sure:
https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalhealth/comments/7o49mv/i_need_your_advice_on_how_to_deal_with_myself_long/?st=jc3fetf6&sh=242c7b59
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self.Anxiety
|
How can I be productive when I'm always at some kind of extreme state? I'm having a hard time getting things done. I can't be consistent. I'm either very happy, energized, and hopeful or so depressed and overwhelmed I can't do a thing.
I'm trying to finish school, but it's really difficult to get things done when I'll only have one good day every two weeks and then fall a part for the rest of the time.
I feel like no matter what I end up doing I always start from zero the next day.
It doesn't seem to matter how much I do, I get nothing done.
When I'm in a positive state, I feel like I'm unrealistic about my abilities or how much time I have, and end up not focusing or pushing myself as much as I should or just operate under the idea that no matter what, everything will not only work out, it will be amazing.
I recognize this as a sort of hypomanic delusion, but when I'm in that state, I don't have that awareness that would force me to take advantage of my energy and really work.
I tend not to have times when I'm balanced. It's either hyponmania or depression.
The depression always sets me way far back on everything. I don't just fail to get things done, I feel like I actively sabotage myself. I refuse to interact with people, I ignore things that shouldn't be--bills don't get sent out, I don't take care of my hygiene--I indulge in bad behavior to make myself feel better--overspend, overeat, drink, oversleep, watch too much tv.
When I am in a better state, a good portion of it is spent on resetting the damage I did in a depression.
How can I get to a place of consistency or how can I do better in these mood states?
I'm not really able to afford medication right now, which is a big problem. I don't really have friends or close family who could help me out by keeping an eye on my or providing assistance.
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self.bipolar
|
NYE resolution: No writing after 9pm I’ve realized that when I start writing a lot of thoughts late at night it tends to precede hypomania. Usually because it keeps me up late and throws off my schedule. So, no more. Nothing I have to write can’t wait until the next day, even though it doesn’t always feel that way.
Shit it’s 11:30. Okay starting now.
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self.bipolar
|
Losing the only thing I enjoy The only thing I’ve been able to enjoy lately is gaming. I met people I never would have without it. I’ve probably spent thousands of hours on my Xbox. I moved home a few months ago and there’s no internet available, and it’s all gone downhill. I’ve had nothing but problems with it and it makes me want to cry. I chatted with Xbox support and they told me maybe I should just not play it since I don’t have internet. It’s one of the few things I love and it’s slowly starting to leave me, as usual.
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self.depression
|
Just a reminder to get some sleep Power down your computer, lock your phone, turn off your lights, and protect your sleep cycle. Just a biPolar Service Announcement.
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self.bipolar
|
I looked at my old photos today. Time wrecks everyone... I looked at all these photos and didn't even feel that was me. I looked at this stranger and wondered what the f**k happened over time. I went through my childhood photobook, I was a happy kid, sometimes a bit naughty. Then I looked at my primary school when I was the nerdiest nerd ever. There was highschool, a time when you're lost and trying to find yourself in something or someone. I tried to act tough when in reality I had absolutely no self confidence, I failed at school and depression nearly killed me.
I'm 23 now. Looking back, I'm in a much better place right now. My dreams came true. I traveled a million miles. I'm my own boss and earn more money than any of my friends, anyone I know really. But I don't give a shit about that.
I still sit in the dark wondering - am I happy? Something is missing. Maybe it's just the weight of the world, you know. What happened to the times when we were kids and could just laugh in what seems now like endless streams. I laugh a lot still, but my laugh has changed. I'm still filled with anger. I hate too much. I go out in the world wondering who's screw me up next. I don't love anymore, I just rationalize. How do we become these empty creatures? Are we just slaves to time? Are we just metal bars exposed in the rain, rusting more and more, year after year? Is the pursuit of happiness something elusive, a shadow we can never jump over?
What is life, only a bag of laughter in a pit of despair...
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self.offmychest
|
The stress is becoming too much I just don't know what to do. I feel like everything is falling apart. I have nowhere to go. I'm in a burning building and the fire is getting closer. I don't want to jump out and fall to my death, but I don't want to burn either.....
I'm just so worried and confused and....ugh. I hate my life so much.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely my chest hurts and my eyes feel like falling off from crying. When I look back on my life, all I see is me, alone. I have no friends and one family member. And that one family member spends around 0.1 seconds caring for me. I want to be doted upon like other kids, and I always see fathers and mothers with their kids, and all the while I'm just sitting to the side, alone.
I want someone to hold me, to hug me, to care me, I want someone to be concerned for me, I want someone to always be there, but no. It's always just me. No one's eve been there and no one ever will be.
I get so jealous seeing kids with their parents, and all it makes me feel is lonely. I want someone so desperately I want to die. I'm so alone my jaw quivers and my elbows are weak. I'm so lonely me feet can't stop shaking and and I can't breathe. I'm so lonely. :(
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self.offmychest
|
I feel like a burden to my robotics team. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I'm 34 and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up Fuck my life. Everyone has moved on to better paying and more respectable things but I'm stuck at the same shit job because every time I get an inkling of what I wanna do with myself, I go through a cycle of interest -> anxiety -> frustration -> defeatism. Been in and out of college but can't focus or remember anything well enough to succeed because of this damn disease. Fuck it all.
|
self.depression
|
I am unable to communicate with my girlfriend and it frustrates me and makes me depressed [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I don't see anything to look forward to I'm not sure what I should look forward to. All I see ahead of me is more community college classes, more cold weather, more being alone, etc.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone get a feeling of confusion? Right now I feel confused I feel like I'm not living my life. I also feel a bit dizzy when I walk and I'm starting to get a bit afraid of because of this confusion. Sometimes I forget some stuff. I had this yesterday but not that much
|
self.Anxiety
|
So my brother just confirmed the fact I am a burden to my parents, what's the point anymore They told my brother all I do is sit at home at my computer everyday and am just a burden. Can't please anyone, honest to god there is no point to life anymore
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self.depression
|
Wellbutrin SR Omg. I'm on day 19 with taking this medicine and haven't felt any changes in how I feel. No improvement in my depression. It's so hard to wait, especially when u can't function at all.
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self.depression
|
Wanting to die but not particularly sad? I am at work right now and I want to die but I dont feel very sad? Its just kind of like not really feeling? I dont know. if someone give me an option to die I would probably take it and die not continue to live
|
self.depression
|
I did something so stupid. I'm laying here awake because I hate myself so god damn much.
I haven't been the same since a certain natural disasters occurred in my area. I'm worse. I did something so stupid tonight and drove under the influence. I HATE myself for what I did. We talk about the disaster and I just lose myself.
Oh my God. I'm sorry, world. So flipping sorry.
I had to put this out there. I'm so unhappy about what I did. I just can't believe myself. I wish I never existed.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I thought it would bother me but it doesn’t I recently found of that my ex is going to have another kid and I was expecting the news to somehow upset me but it just doesn’t.
We have a kid together and I always expected that if they were to have another child with someone else I would be upset by it or feel something negative but I don’t.
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self.offmychest
|
It's the holiday season and I want you to know this: You matter. You're strong. You can get through it.
For so many of us this time of year is extremely difficult. Seems like we are constantly reminded how lonely and worthless we are. People smiling more, looking for presents, doing small gestures of kindness - everything kind of creates an even bigger gap between the pain we're feeling and this jolly holiday spirit.
It fucking sucks, trust me I know. It hurts. It feels as if everyone's in this beautiful bubble of happiness but somehow you got left out. But it's important to remember, not everything is lost. There's still someone who cares. There's someone who's going to listen.
If it gets really hard, don't be scared to call a hotline. I did it twice already. Don't hesitate to reach out to me either, if anyone wants to talk - I am here for you.
I dread this time of year so much and it hits me hard this time too. I am scared of the holidays and I know many of us are. So if you need a pal or just want to vent, I'm here.
And I am sure it's been posted so many times, but you never know when it's going to be needed:
1-800-273-8255 -Suicide hotline
1-800-931-2237 -Eating disorder hotline
1-866-331-9474 - Domestic violence hotline
1-800-422-4453 - Child abuse hotline
1-800-231-6946 - Runaway hotline
1-800-223-5001 - Sexual Assault hotline
To those who don't want to call:
741741 is Crisis text hotline.
You aren't alone. And even if "trying" is the very best you can do, stay strong. You already are - you're still here.
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self.depression
|
Ramblings of a family man with a growing family [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Tell me a reason to live on I’m back into this again - and I’m not sure why I’m alive anymore. Just seeing people work so hard and stressing themselves out, it just makes me wonder what it is ever for. Wouldn’t it be easier if it all ended?
At least that’s what I think, and I do want to “end it all” per say, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought. I guess I’m still trying to grab blindly to something to hold on to so that I’m able to convince myself that this road is worth walking on - but I can’t see anything.
Please tell me a reason to live on, no matter how small it is.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
back into the hole at least i'm not too depressed today but I feel so... pointless? so... not enough, so sad and I don't know it sucks. I have therapy in 2 hours, it's 4PM and I haven't showered, haven't brushed my teeth and barely ate anything for lunch
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self.depression
|
I don't feel like I deserve anything, so I don't try... I've literally written and deleted several posts already never having submitted anything. I always come to "Other people are so much worse off than you, don't bother this group, figure it out on your own". I can't anymore. I'm tired of feeling awful all the time. I'm tired of being on the verge of tears every morning and being too down to do anything at night. It's hurting my marriage, it's hurting my ability to be a good father. I really want to be happy. I don't want to struggle with everyday things. I don't want to be angry. When push comes to shove I can't make a move to change things or find help. I don't feel like I deserve help but I really want it.
|
self.depression
|
I genuinly have fucked over my future life over the last 6 months Hi
Long story short, the love of my life told me she was gay 6 months ago and I spiraled into a deep depression sucking with it my good results in school. I went from B’s and A’s to D’s and E’s
I am worried that I will both fail my exams and not get into the field of study I have wanted to enter all my life.
I am absolutely devestated and don’t see any way out.
Life is not for me.
What the fuck do I do
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone else suffer from feeling Hot and feverish but body temp is normal or low? I have been noticing more & more recently that I have times (often evenings) when I feel like I'm burning up, nothing will cool me down and I feel awful as if I am running a fever yet when I check it my body temp is normal
|
self.Anxiety
|
X-post bipolar - they say to stop smoking bud but don’t have to deal with the suicidal thoughts I mean I get it, you’re gunna tell me that ‘in the long run it’s better’. Go ahead and tell me how to get to the long run when it feels like you’re taking on the battle of life on your own with no reprieve. I’m fucking tired and they all give a shit til it actually matters
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self.bipolar
|
Need advice on supporting/closing the gap on loved one that pushes me away Hey guys and girls! I've been a lurker in this subreddit for a couple of months and I think it's finally time to post and get some advice on something. I've(25M) been dating this woman(23F) since the summer and it's been a literal home run since day 1 with us. She let me know in the very beginning of our introduction to one another that she battles with depression and anxiety since she was a teen so this isn't exactly something that I'd consider a surprise. Everything involving us has always been amazing but usually her environment and the people she deals with put her in a very bad place mentally and as a result she pushes me away to avoid taking things out on me. This is partly because many people in her life have failed her and rejected her pleas for help as her being dramatic or not worthy of their attention at the time. Some days are better than others and I need some insight on how to remain close enough to her so she feels she can count on me and that I won't also treat her the same as she's been treated before. Does anyone have experiences with people who isolate or do any people who isolate have any tips on how a significant other can be supportive of you in your bad times? It's a learning process for me every day and any information or tips will be greatly appreciated. Happy Holidays and much love to every person that comes across this post.
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self.Anxiety
|
Any advice I'm not sure if this is the right place or not to post this, but here I am. To make a long story short, my entire life is one big regret. I never fit in as a kid, and I got bullied nonstop in school. I feel like that is sort of where it all started. I've never had much of a self esteem. People team me I am good looking or have nice eyes all of the time, but I don't believe in myself at all. Girls are constantly turning me away for who I perceive to be uglier guys. Fast forward a bit. I went to college and I was really lonely. I spent my last 2 years all alone in my dorm room, and I remember I didn't leave my suite which I had to myself for 3 days. Now I'm in a post bacc program and trying to get into medical school. I took a year off, and now I am in this program, but its not looking well. I'm seeing my dreams slip away and this is all I have ever wanted to do. Everyone doubts me, and always has. My pre med advisors told me not to bother and that I wasn't smart enough. Everyone things I am a loser, but I can handle that. I sat and studied from 6 until now, and I'm laying in bed but I can't shake the feeling. I'm a complete loser, and I regret my entire existence. I wish I could take it all back. Everyone tells me to be more positive, but nothing positive happens to me. Its so easy for everyone else, but not me. Oh, and I'm bitter about girls if you haven't noticed. I constantly get turned down, but after the girls I liked get pregnant or end up in rehab, they call me. The one told me her baby needed a good and responsible father, but how can I feel anything for that when she basically spat in my face before she got accidentally pregnant? I feel like every girl I talk to just has sex with all of the douchebags, and then comes to a smart, hardworking and financially responsible person like me after they are all washed up. I know that is a really shitty thing to say, but it certainly feels that way sometime. I met this one girl who isn't at all like anyone else I've met before but I'm not sure what will happen with her and I.
Sorry for that rant. Does anyone have any advice on how to move past this and finally be happy? I'm so bitter and honestly everyone tries to spin things positively, but it doesn't work that way for me. For example, if I don't get into school this year I may take out more loans and try to finish a masters program, and then get in the year after that. If that doesn't work then I will have to find something else... I just can't move on from how bitter and angry I am. I feel like my entire life has been worthless, and I've been depressed and lonely about it for the past 5 years. I would just keep plugging along, but I feel each day getting harder and harder. I don't know where this will end up. Thanks for listening, sorry for the rant, and any thoughts or input is appreciated
|
self.depression
|
Person who was my only reason live betrayed me [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Somebody save me I don't know who to reach out to, or what to do once I've reached out. I may be asking for too much, and I may be too far gone. Maybe I'm the drowning man who instead of getting help out of the water pulls everyone who tries to help under. But it's coming down to the wire. Life hurts so much and I'm so confused and scared and alone.
Edit: sorry about the dramatic title. I wish I could change it, I don't need to be saved though sometimes it sure feels that way. I sure was feeling that way when I posted and was listening to sappy music
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self.depression
|
I'm too much of a coward to do it I honestly don't know whether or not this will help me at all, but here goes.
I've recently been kicked out of uni because Student Finance have constantly misplaced my paperwork, and my family are going to hate me when they find out.
On top of this, in the 3 years that I've been at uni, I haven't made any friends, let alone a girlfriend, and I'm seriously lonely. I just have no idea how to make any close friends.
I feel that the only thing I can do is end it all, but at the same time, I know I'm too much of a coward to go to the roof of my building and throw myself off.
Can anyone please help me?
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self.SuicideWatch
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