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Anxious about being fired I work as a detailer at a body shop. Sometimes the workload is just too much for me, today my workload is to detail 8 cars, most of which take upwards of 2 hours to complete. Every day i come to work I fear of making a mistake or can't keep up and my boss is very harsh, so getting fired is on my mind every day, to the point where even eating is not a priority. If i do get fired the only other job that will hire me right away is a warehouse job that is just as strenuous. And i keep telling my parents im doing ok at my job but i dont want them to know im not. And they wont like me working at the warehouse cause they know how bad the turnover rate is there. Im scared for my life right now. Whats even worse is that my first appointment with my doctor for anxiety is next week and I thought that it would help but its only making it worse because I dont think ill even have a job next week. Im scared for my life right now and i want to break down crying at work right now. I dont know what to do anymore
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self.Anxiety
|
Am I crazy for wanting to leave the US? That's pretty much it. I mean do I really have to explain? I'm starting to get scared. I'm probably overreacting, but it's so clear our government is no longer here for us.
I understand it's not so easy to up and leave, but if you were here, would you be thinking of getting out?
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self.offmychest
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It’s just all too much. I just want to stop hurting. I want to be happy, and I want to keep the hope that one day I’ll be happy, but it’s so hard. I really just want to have this pain stop.
I have reasons to live. I want to live for my girlfriend but we’ve been arguing some and I think she would be better off without me. That’s not really my choice to make but I just feel like I’m dragging her into the mud with my emotions.
I just want to do self destructive things for relief. Just run away from it all.
I should feel great. I’ve been on antidepressants that I know work for me for two months, but I feel awful. I stayed in bed for almost 24 hours straight barring a 6 or so hour period of going to the doctor.
I just don’t know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression takes all my willpower and passion away from me! Right now I’m trying to play the guitar but it’s just not working. My depression has just taken away all the energy I have. I can’t play the guitar without getting angry at mistakes and it’s driving me insane. All my depression does is taking away all my emotions and willpower and replaces it with numbness, I really wish that I could play on a guitar but my depression sadly wont allow it. All I feel when learning the guitar is anxiety and a feeling that I should be ashamed that I can’t play the guitar like so many else or that I’m bad at it. Has anyone else here experienced anything similar? Thanks for reading.
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self.depression
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I just saw my job advertised and I'm terrified I started at a new company in July after a long time looking for a permanent position. I still have some alerts from indeed.com that come to my inbox for jobs in the area because I never turned them off. Yesterday I saw an advertisement (dated yesterday) for my position and I am crushed. I am terrified that I am going to be let go right after the holidays. I wasn't able to sleep at all last night. I don't have anyone in my life I feel comfortable disclosing this to so I guess I'm getting it off my chest here. Thanks for listening reddit.
Edit: Should I ask my boss what's going on?
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self.offmychest
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Shout out to the humble slow cooker I don't know about y'all, but I'd probably starve if it weren't for my slow cooker. When I don't feel like cooking for myself, or can hardly even get out of bed I can go put a few things into the slow cooker and slink back into my cave until my food is done. No worrying about burning the house down, and there's always left overs. The slow cooker: truly a champion of self care.
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self.bipolar
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My anxiety is starting to takeover... I have had anxiety since I was in high school(2011). It went away for the most part but has came back recently at full force.
I have this fear that I will get chocked on everything I eat, even on mushy food such as mashed potatoes or pudding. I went to the ER in September because I was so convinced something was stuck in my throat( which there was not). I have lost 20+ since then because of how little I eat now. Some days I eat okay some days I barely eat anything.
Tonight I was eating chicken nuggets when I thought I felt something getting stuck in my throat. I made myself throw up and felt okay for a bit. My throat started hurting more later and I felt like the base of my throat was closing. It may sound stupid but it really bothers me.
I’m not sure if anyone else has this problem or if it is just me. I have felt very alone about my anxiety so, my boyfriend recommended that I make a post here so, yeah. Any advice would be great if anyone has any. :/
Also, I have tried taking deep breaths but it doesn’t help me a lot. I also try to play Overwatch or something to keep my mind off of it but, it is always still in the back of my mind tormenting me.
Sorry for the long post. I just really needed to talk about this somewhere.
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anybody feels like wanna restart your life? Hi everyone. Basically this is something I need to get off my chest. I can't talk to someone, so I decided to tell total strangers (you who are reading this). Here's my story: mid 2016, my life went on the lowest point ever. Stuff happened in my family. Since then, I got no motivation to continue life, feels like my life is pointless. I just do routines like usual but I feel empty. Then in January this year, my friends started graduating college. I couldn't continue my thesis with this condition but I have to graduate (if not the loan is getting bigger). So I kinda pushed myself but still no motivation, until now. Right now I should revise the thesis that due in the end of the year but suddenly my minds wandered somewhere. Somewhere where my young self was happy and now I wish I could restart everything. I started crying for everything I've done. I'm failure for my family. Does anybody feels like that? What should I do?
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self.depression
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Just want to let you know I'm doing well [removed]
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self.depression
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She still wants to be friends. I don't think I could do it anymore. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Is it possible to have side effects from medicine after being on it for a long period of time? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I'm not ready to go back to college tommorow Winter semester begins tomorrow and I'm in denial. Back to group work, trying to make acquaintances, perform my best. I really just don't care, and thinking of going physically pains me.
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self.depression
|
Nightcrawler Seeking Solace I don't know if there's anyone out there to read this, and I feel selfish and pretentious for writing it, but I've also run out of options, so here I go.
I'm 21 and living with chronic depression and bipolar disorder. My bipolar has become so bad that it affects my speech and makes it difficult for people to understand me at times, because my brain queues words faster than I can speak, so I slur or omit words. About four months ago, I moved from living with my mother in the central coast of California to Orange County to help out a friend who needed a roommate. My estranged father pays the rent and I work at a movie theater about ten miles away to pay everything else. Money's tight. Coming into this, I expected things to be tough but refreshing. I'm a (starving) musician, and welcomed the chance to be somewhere more conducive opportunistically, and to have more space for my craft. My friend and I were close at the time, and I was excited to do this. Four months later, and I write this finding myself in the darkest point of my life. For lack of better words, I'm a fucking mess and a fucking failure. My roommate turned out to be an awful person to live with (I can't imagine I'm much to live with either, but I hold up my half when I can). We've grown apart as friends and practically never speak. I'm writing this post on the balcony, waiting for her to go to work so I can go back in without running into her. There's eight months left on the lease and I can't even see myself finishing out the year. I'm also broke. As it is, I'm late to my current job constantly and call in at least a couple times a month. My managers are all wonderful and put up with me, but I know it's only a matter of time. As it stands, I only care about my music. A skillset that conveniently generates no money, and has no chance of generating money unless I'm very lucky, or do it full-time, which isn't an option right now. My self-hatred doesn't help the matter either. I loathe the sound of my own voice (which is common, but I take it much further than reasonable), and spend hours recording and deleting takes due to my destructive perfectionism. This Thursday I'm going to spend half my remaining money to see a vocal coach, but I don't imagine it'll amount to much. Music is quite literally the only thing I care about in life. I can't stop writing if I try. Oftentimes at work I find myself ducking away from my duties to write whatever lyric, flow or melody has invaded my thoughts. The only thing that sustains me and keeps me going is the promise of eventually bringing all of my ideas and visions to life. Something I can't quite do right now. I'm also alone here, and have absolutely no friends locally, and nobody to spend time with or talk to about what I'm going through outside of my mother, who does all she can to help, but there isn't much she can do considering the distance. I have decent camaraderie with people at work, but I'm not really close to anyone, nor do I think I'm ready to let anyone in, despite my desperation for interaction. This is a large part of why I'm here. Did I mention I self-harm? No, I don't cut. I wish I cut. My pain tolerance is very high, but I don't have the courage to. Instead I beat my head against the walls of the apartment when my roommate isn't home, or with my fists if no wall is handy. I affectionately self-reference the practice as "self harm for idiots." I also pluck rubber bands against my right forearm. At home, work, everywhere. I'm covered in marks from doing this. I've reached a point where I know I can't keep going on as I am. There's so much more, but I'm pushing my luck that a single soul will read this, let alone offer any insight as it is. Thing is, I don't really know what to do. I've been to three different therapists in my life. Nothing stuck. Any that I'd get now would have to be via Medi-cal, so the options would more than likely be shit, another reason I'm here.
Call me negative, but I don't expect anyone to read this, which is probably my fault, like everything else. I know many, many other people have it far, far worse than I do, but perspective only covers so much ground. In the end, I still wish I didn't exist and hate every part of myself. My teeth, my bones, my skin, every wretched cell of my wretched being. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but I hope it isn't in this life.
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self.depression
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Family issues I feel so bad, but it’s hard for me to get along with my family. Even when we don’t fight just being around them makes me sad because I don’t feel like I fit in with them. It’s almost like we are not on the same wave length. I’ve found a friend who I wish so badly was my family. I’ve never felt a connection like this with anyone; but when I was little I had imaginary friends who I imagined I felt connected to and accepted in this way. Anyway, my family doesn’t like this friend, he’s not a member of our religion and doesn’t live by rules that my parents deem as “appropriate”. I feel guilty because I prefer this person to my family. I’ve always longed for this connection. I feel so bad that my family loves me (I love them too but I need distance 😕) but they aren’t the people I’d prefer to be around if I could be with anyone. I feel guilty and bothered knowing family is so important even though there’s others out there who aren’t my family but help me feel better and more at ease and loved in ways that I want to be loved. Does this make sense? Sorry if it’s badly articulated. Trying to explain my feelings in words doesn’t always work. My family aren’t bad people... but our personalities don’t fit well and I don’t feel understood and we don’t have a lot in common.😕
I feel trapped and like an outsider.
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self.depression
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Lamictal and bruxism Hi everyone! Did anyone experience sleep bruxism on lamictal monotherpy? My doc switched my ssris to lamictal bacause of that, and I'm curious. :)
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self.bipolar
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I want everyone here to know that you are loved by more than you can imagine. Recently, one of my friends took a jump and ended his life for who knows why. Maybe he was depressed or not satisfied and couldn’t fill some void.. I really don’t know. This kid was great. Star football player in high school, came from a good family, played college football, had tons of friends, got most girls.. seemingly had it all. He drank a lot, but always acted so upbeat and happy. Was so easy to make friends with, super outgoing, the whole nine. He must know how many people loved him and yet he still felt something inside that was eating away at him every day. (at least so I assume).. 25 years old, just got a great job as an elementary school teacher. He was so good with people. It’s really hard to wrap my head around honestly. Kid had such a great life.
I just don’t want this to happen to any of you. Regardless of what you’ve gone through, good or bad, you have purpose here. I promise.
Everyone is truly special in their own way. All we have in this life is life itself. Perspective is everything. You can be happy. It may take time, but you can enjoy life. There is help. You are loved. You have people in this world who would be devastated to lose you and their lives wouldn’t ever be the same without you.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’ve had anxiety for three years, but was officially diagnosed with Panic Disorder this Summer. Today I finished production on my first short film project. This summer my world fell apart, and for awhile I was unable to do simple tasks without my mind imploding. I couldn’t even buy taco seasoning without having a breakdown.
Today I finished production on a semester-long short film project. I’ve learned so much, worked with extremely talented people, and rediscovered my passion for storytelling.
I don’t now if this is the right place for this, but I just wanted to scream into the void of how proud I am of myself. I knew Facebook and Twitter wasn’t the right place for this, and I don’t have many close people in my life who understand how hard mental illness is.
It’s hard, but we don’t have to let this shit keep us from doing the things we love. My thoughts are with the rest of you passionate people who are trying to create despite your anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
|
Why live without her? Sure, I can live without her. But I just don't want to. She is the only one I'll ever truly love. What's the point if I'll never love another the same way? Oneitis? Maybe. But I've met girls after her. None interest me enough to even bother. She is just so special to me...
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self.depression
|
back to school... school is what really fucks me up. it does NOT help my battle with OCD, i hate it. the teachers, pupils, atmosphere... even my friends don't seem to care about me
and i never did any work thanks to worrying about bigger things like ocd. the dead line has passed. they have already sent it off for marking. i'm in large trouble when i get back from this 2 week holiday
i would get a job so i can leave school but i'm TOO SCARED. i'm RIDICULOUSLY socially anxious, and if i wasn't i'd have left a year ago... can barely speak to any one...
i just want to die, ocd alone is bad enough
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Parents who shouldn't have been parents. TL;DR: My father's a piece of shit bully who doesn't understand that children owe their parents nothing for being born.
When I turned 13, my parents and I started fighting a lot. I wasn't doing well in school, and had developed what I now recognize as depression and anxiety that has continued into my adult life. The fights escalated into daily occurrences. My mother got my father involved, who is "my way or the highway" personified. By getting bad grades, I was being a lazy, ungrateful fat sack of shit and I should be grateful to have food and a roof over my head.
My grades kept falling, and I started yelling back, which didn't go over well. I tried blocking my bedroom door so he couldn't get in and in his "I'm the parent" brain, I was defying him, so he kicked the door in. Repeatedly. I stopped feeling safe in the house. By the time I was 18, the door didn't close properly and the frame had almost completely separated from the wall. Later on we moved houses and I tried to bury everything. I tolerated him enough to live in the same house, but I never stopped hating him. No one else understood why I never talked to him. Even my mother, who half the time stood there and watched as he kicked my bedroom door down, said, "He misses talking to you". I got tired of trying to explain things to people who clearly didn't believe me.
Fast forward to yesterday morning. My younger brother locked his door after an argument about his grades. So Asshole decides to kick it down. I was woken up by the shouting earlier, and I heard him yelling about kicking the door down. I walk out and stand in front of the door. Asshole tells me to move, or he'll move me by force. I stay put, so he grabs me and shoves me hard enough to open the door behind me, and then starts calling me names and telling me I should be grateful he hasn't kicked me out yet. Mother yells at him, and he storms away and drives off somewhere for a few hours.
I spent almost three hours crying after it, all while begging my mother to do something to stop it this time. She says she "had no idea it would happen again". The fact that she keeps trying to rationalize his behavior isn't giving me much hope. She claims she "knew he'd never get violent". Tell that to me five years ago. Tell that to me yesterday, when he pushed me through a door. He's a bully who doesn't care who he hurts to get his way. I'm not going to let it happen again.
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self.offmychest
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Well I have my plan I guess. But I can't buy the materials because I have $0 Yeah so my life is miserable and has been for years. I have no friends, I hate myself, I'm failing college, I can't stay sober for more than 24 hours, I can't get health insurance to see a therapist or get medication (God bless America™), and I'm in so much debt I can't even keep track of it. I owe at least $20,000 in student loans already, $1,500 in credit debt, $1,000 to family, probably more. I'm only 19. I got a soul-sucking call center job for $10/hr and all of my pay goes to pay off debt, so I don't have money for decent food. Probably getting kicked out of where I'm living soon and will be homeless. Failing all of my classes because I'm too depressed to go most of the time and that just makes me hate myself more. I've been going to group therapy every week since that's the only thing I can find that's free but it hasn't done shit for me.
So yeah. I guess I have a plan for how I'd do it. But the ironic thing is that a huge part of me wanting to do it is being broke and in debt, but I don't have the money to buy the things I need to commit suicide. Talk about a morbid fucking catch 22
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Im a virgin with little to no social skills and a large penis This means that I'll probably never get to use it, ever simply because I never get anywhere near the opportunity to use it, I talk to maybe a few girls a week, and the most often to a friend who lives in Iceland whomst I have no want to start a sexual or emotional relationship with, she's a great friend and I value her greatly, but I'm getting lonely without someone to fall asleep next to, I've tried dating sites and things like tinder, but I can never get very far, with them, and the girls I meet when I'm out and about never talk about anything other than what clothes I'm wearing (I often wear loud clothes) and it just gets depressing, I'm not expecting anyone to care, nor am I expecting anyone to read this, I just needed to get this down somewhere.
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self.offmychest
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I'm hiding from my relatives who have gotten in to their yearly Christmas discussion about how depression isn't real. It is one of those conversation that always comes up at Christmas when my extended family gets together. How all those "depressed" people really need is to get out in nature and work out.. (I know it can help.. but it kind of misses that the problem is that I can't 'just' do things easily like before)
How big pharma is tricking people into thinking they are depressed to sell them drugs (I even live in Sweden, drugs are cheap here) and everything is made up in their head.
I don't know how to deal with it. They all know what problems I have, but it's like they pretend they don't know so they don't have to acknowledge me in the conversation.
Gaaah! I'm so tired. Get this day over with :c
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self.depression
|
I'm finally getting help I was talking to my best friend last night about...a rather heavy topic with details that will be relevant, but other details which are not relevant and thus I won't share. But I essentially told them what I knew for certain. I've always doubted my own memory with everything; I'm not sure what I know and what I think I know but I really don't. But there are some things that I do have verification for. The one that finally made me crack is my obsession with self blame and...well I called it "self discipline", but that's really just an old euphemism for self harm. The long story short is that when I was younger, I always hated myself with a passion. Minor fuck ups made me berate myself and, at its worst, beat myself. At least, that was my memory of it, but I didn't have an exact timing until recently. The reason is because my parents and I were talking about "funny" things I did as a child, and they brought up my obsession with "self punishments" as I called it then. This was when we were talking about elementary school. In other words, I've blocked so much out and have merged so much together, behaviors I thought developed in 7th or 8th grade I developed, if it's the same time as I (at least temporarily, again according to my parents) had depression, it developed in 1st or 2nd grade. Or, at the very least, was a fully developed habit by 3rd or 4th grade. I honestly will never 100% know the exact timing, but it was when I was young.
Side note, but now that I think about it, my parents knew a lot more than they let on to be (especially since I actively sought physical punishment, even if it was never actually given) so I'm not entirely sure how much of this they know or assumed and how much they don't know.
Anyway, back to the main topic. Needless to say, this revelation was harsh on me. I knew I was much more self hating when I was younger than I am now. I still have the same tendencies ("nobody likes me", "everyone would be happier if I was dead", etc. I remember drawing pictures of my death and everyone celebrating back when I was in early elementary school). I left out the most worrisome ones when I was talking to my best friend, but I still mentioned some of these.
And for once, I was believed. And encouraged to get help. I've always been afraid to get help since last time, in early highschool, I tried, not only was I denied it in essence, but the person I tried to see (our guidance councilor at the school as there was no way I could convince my parents to take me to an independent one with (likely) better qualifications) not only had another student there even though I set up an appointment (at least to my memory, I may not have), but also convinced me I was just lonely and not there was something more (keep in mind, this was ~8 years of me "self punishing" as I called it then) and then TOLD MY PARENTS I TALKED TO HIM SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE I WAS LONELY. I need to reemphasize that. He had someone else with him. He also told my parents I saw him. The results are that my parents don't believe me and even told my councilor in my second highschool essentially to not take me seriously because "I like to use my resources". I can't even blame my parents that much. But since then, I've been too scared to use my resources correctly. I've tried to reach out several times, but every time, I find this memory to scare me too much to reach out.
But this time is different. I'm a legal adult. Even if it's something more serious, they don't have to tell anyone. If it's not anything serious, there's no reason for them to tell my parents. And my best friend promised that they'll be there for me no matter what. Before the end of this semester, I will seek help. Not least because the worst symptoms came back at the end of the summer and are now worsening into something similar back in early high school or even early elementary school, when it was at its worst.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else experienced this ? I'm not sure how to call it, so I just cut to the point. I feel like I don't deserve food. There are some days, when depression gets the best of me, and I feel like I'm not even worth enough, to waste food on me. I feel so worthless and useless, I might as well just throw it in the thrash, same thing. Does anyone else feel or felt like this, and if yes, how do you cope or deal with it ?
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self.depression
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My exam results were disappointing, I have no chance, it's over for me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Heart is racing while trying to sleep Does any one know a good way to try and calm myself so I can get to sleep? Normally I listen to ASMR but my heart beat is being all funky and it’s freaking me out. I just want to fall asleep, but I’m too anxious.
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self.Anxiety
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I don't know what to do, I'm at the lowest point of my life [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I want nothing more than to make New Years resolutions that are positive and encouraging, but instead they’re overwhelming and soul crushing I’m naturally an optimistic, ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ kind of person. But ever since severe anxiety has played a role in my life it’s like a constant war within myself... does anyone else feel like this? What do you guys do to get through January?
I just don’t want to stuff up next year and have another ‘lost year’ (I’ve had a few of those)
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self.Anxiety
|
Is this OCD? I keep getting unwanted feelings that I’ve said something offensive!, so I am gay, and I am extremely proud, and I said to my boyfriend “Come to daddy and daddy”, counting down the days until I get a pug, and I put laughing faces afterwards, and I was laughing at the sentence, but I feel I said something offensive towards the LGBTQ community, and it is stressing me out, is it anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
|
Reasonable life expectancy of a major depressive person? I'm here really wondering....do we last very long?
In mid 40's and considering it a major victory..
Thoughts? Known statistics?
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self.depression
|
Can anyone here draw a genetic link to their depression? It's said that 40% of people with depression can find a genetic link to it. I was wondering if anyone here knows of family members (mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) who suffer from any mood disorders?
For me, it definitely was my mother. She was raised in a great family, privilege, etc. Yet she did nothing with her life, had kids, never got married and never held a job in her entire life, in comparison to her brother who got married, owns a nice house, cars, Masters degree, etc. I don't hate her for it, but bringing other people into this world when you're miserable is something I would never do. But I ended up as fucked up in the head.
Just my brief personal story, but I'm wondering if any of you have yours to share? Thanks.
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self.depression
|
Why is the narrative in modern Western media and fictional works "Christian vs Unbeliever" (in particular Christian vs Muslim)? While the Protestant vs Catholic (and other infighting between Christians) is practically dead in mainstream media and pop-culture? I notice a very common trend today in your morning news and works of fiction is the tendency to portray conflict as "Christian vs Hindu", the debate whether Buddhist meditation practises are compatible with Christianity, and of course the infamous "Muslims started it by invading Christian lands so the Crusades was justified!". Basically movies, comics, and Fox News have basically have this thought that "all are Christians regardless of denomination so long as they accept Christ and thus all are saved" while condemning the false doctrines of the Sikhs or bashing Islam for being very violent and what not.
Even pop cultural works sympathetic to non-Christians such as Kingdom of Heaven, Assassin's Creed, and Once Upon a Time in China starring Jet Li portray it as a black and white "Christians want to wipe our religion out and we have to defend our statues of Zeus from being smashed".
Now I've had several debates and arguments with members reddit and I note not only do they typically bash unbelievers (especially Muslims) as savages with violent religions but they all seem to believe the above notion that Christianity is tolerant because they accept a variety of different subsects. The few times I've debated with people who bashed their former church often brings the criticism in the lines of "Mormons claim they are the true church and all other churches are false which is why I left LDS. Because Catholics, Lutherans, etc all accept each other so long as they are Christian". Not lying I had an argument with a member in /r/exmormon about the quoted topic. In other words you will only see the criticism towards fringe Christian groups for conflict so bizarre and far from mainline Protestantism such as Mormonism and Jehovah's Witness.
So basically the popular perception is Mormons and Jehovahs (and similar small cult level groups) aside, Christianity is shown as a religion unified without conflict. With the way mainstream news make it out, they portray as though Christians were always united in doctrines and so much of the current outrage is because Hindus can't stand Christians converting the local populace or converts from Buddhism fail to understand that Christianity forbids syncretism, etc.
So I'm inspired to create this post because I wish to discuss it. As someone who came from a traditionalist Catholic with a Quaker dad, I will outright state I came from an abusive family and I saw the frequent "Protestant vs Catholic" conflict. My family tended to shun Protestants and avoided them because they are a "bad influence" and they often threw away KJV Bibles or Protestant literature we received in the mailbox by preachers or donated to me from my school. In fact my family even tried to ban me from watching casual tv and movies such as Friends and The Walking Dead to avoid seeing the immorality of mainline Protestants. If I even played as a Protestant faction in a PC game such as Europa Universalis I got chewed out by my grandpa.
I'm even surprised my mom was allowed to marry my dad because my dad is a Quaker (hence my username "QuakerPlayer" because I'm now a full practising Quaker).
Its even worse in the hometown my family came from ( a rural town in Poland) where not only is there casual contempt for Protestants that rude slurs are often thrown in public but there have been incidents of vandalism, assault, and even one dubious murder case (might not have been religiously motivated but the guilty certainly had a history of treating Protestants beneath them).
So I am curious why is the Protestant-Catholic and Catholic-Orthodox conflict practically a dead issue in your typical CNN and Fox News broadcast and most movies/tv shows/comics/literature with a religious (often Christian) theme? Even the theological debates with badmouthing gets ignored in academia and most modern historical fiction strangely ignore the Catholic-Protestant relationship (even stunningly accurate ones such as Gone With the Wind and Rose of Versailles). I even notice many history classes including college level ones ignore the conflict (especially within America) or at least minimize its important in light of more famous events such as World War II or the American Indian Wars.
Why is this? I mean one quick look at wikipedia shows just how fucking vicious the conflict between Protestants and Catholics was including a major war in Europe that wiped out over 8 million people (close to World War 1's total death count) and expanded beyond Europe into places as remote as India practically being a pre-modern World War (the only thing preventing it was the exclusion of the direct involvement of the Americas). Not to mention a whole century or rape and pillage.
So I'm quite curious why the current narrative is like this? I can understanding mainstream media but you'd think historical works taking place post Martin Luther would have references towards the conflict!
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self.offmychest
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on the verge of a breakdown i don't even know how i'm holding this together
i got into a medicine foundation program recently
AT LEAST I THOUGHT.
i was given an offer and just asked to submit proof of my english fluency (since i'd be a foreign student).
finally! i thought i was actually given my life jacket, but no.
i was recently contacted by the admissions about deferring my application to a regular foundation program
this was the ONLY thing i felt was finally going positively
i really try to keep myself preoccupied by work, making sure i work over 60 hour weeks, in order to not drown myself in mania.
NOW i am on the verge of circa 2007 brit spears.
i told my whole family. finally i felt they'd be proud! shit i was proud of myself.
idk what to do:(
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self.bipolar
|
Hard realities when you feel you don’t deserve love Open yourself too soon and your neediness will drive healthy people away instantly. You just mark yourself as a target for the unhealthy. You’ve been stupid.
Bravely put on a false front, and you’ll struggle to drop it. Disclosure tears apart your fragile relationships when that incongruency comes out. You hurt people. You’ve been manipulative.
Force yourself to act out a role perfectly, and you won’t even be you. Your partner is in love with a mask you’ve just used to imprison yourself with. You played yourself for ashes.
Avoid relationships and you become even less capable of having them. There’s something wrong with you. Observers brightly quip “you have to love yourself”. Detached professionals observe the prognosis is ‘unusually poor’. Maybe it’s your fault. You deserve this.
I’ve felt like this since I was 10 or 12. I’m 37 now. I am still alone. Maybe I always was. I wonder how long I’ll feel like this. I wonder what the purpose is. I can’t understand.
I don’t mind that life is hard. I just wish it wasn’t always so much.
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self.offmychest
|
Best way to support partner? Looking for tips/strategies to try help my situation.
My wife has suffered from depression for most her life, it's been a long battle but we finally feel like we've made progress over the last five or so years and things were finally "normal".
She worked for years, and we had a kid and she took a few years off as you do.
There have been a few occasions where anxiety came up. A year ago we tried getting a dog - but she suddenly got crazy high anxiety attacks. She was throwing up, wasn't eating, having panic attacks. It was a real shock just getting a puppy caused it. Luckily we managed to rehome him with a friend and that was 'solved'. Symptoms went away pretty much instantly.
Supporting things on my single income has become increasingly difficult, and she was honestly getting bored at home all day so she started applying for jobs, feeling really good about it.
After working for 6 months in a new job (she was doing great, passed probation period no problem), the kid settled in a nursery, she suddenly started getting anxious again. It got so bad she went to the docs and got a week off and propranolol. Over Christmas she recovered well enough.
Today she started back at work and pretty much immediately had to leave again.
Work is definitely the 'trigger', but it wasn't for a long while.
I want to support her as best as possible. Should I be trying to push her to get back to work and "overcome" it, even if it's difficult? I don't want her to feel guilty for having to stop work either. Moving job might help, going part time. There's options, but I'm not sure how to approach them best.
Anyone got any general tips for how to help? Or any "Whatever you do, don't do this!" that I should avoid.
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self.Anxiety
|
I think I had my first panic attack last night.. I was watching a YouTube video and I completely zoned out for about 2 mins. When I came back to reality I felt anxiety like I'd never felt before. The smallest worry I had was amplified a million times. After about 1 hour of this, my muscle kept tensing up like I was trying to push something out my body. When this started happening I decided to try and go to bed. After about an hour of just lying there thinking, my entire body just sort of seized up and I had the most overwhelming fear I've ever had.
After this subsided I actually felt a little better and managed to get to sleep for about 4 hours. When I woke up I felt just as bad though. I went to see the doctor who said it sounded like a panic attack and that I should feel better today, but that if I still feel anxious in 48 hours to come back.
The thing that I don't understand is that it came totally out of the blue and I don't know what triggered it. I not a particularly happy person and I have my worries but I didn't feel particularly anxious before this.
Im sitting on the bus on the way home now (had to phone in sick) and I keep switching between feeling a bit more normal to panicky and full of dread.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? I'm mostly just confused as to what triggered it...
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self.Anxiety
|
Went to the hospital to check terrible arm pain - turns out i have Scoliosis I'm just feeling very shitty right now. Extremely busy week, tons of work and projects to hand in, and now I have one more thing to worry about. I can only hope this means there will be some change in my life - maybe I'll find some exercises I really enjoy. Maybe I'll start appreciating yoga and treating my body better. I don't know. I can only hope. I'm sorry, I just can't seem to find motivation.
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self.Anxiety
|
Family and friends make you feel worse I found out last week my sister and her boyfriend are having a baby. Instead of being happy for them, I'm upset for myself because I wanted nothing more than to be a husband and father. I wanted to start a family with my ex.
It's also my nana's birthday today and the entire family went out for a meal except me. I was invited but I didn't feel like going. I got texts off some of them asking why I didn't come and it felt like they were annoyed at me. My sister even put a picture up on facebook of everyone saying ''my whole family minus my brother''.
My entire family will be going to my uncles on Christmas day, but I won't be because it'll be my first one without my ex and if I can't spend it with her, I'd rather spend it alone. My nana actually said it's gonna ruin her Christmas worrying about me which makes me feel like shit.
My friends are going to New York in March and not one of them asked me if I wanted to go with them.
I'm losing friends on facebook because I use it to vent about my depression in the middle of the night. Thing is I don't even care. They're just proving that no one gives a shit when you're ill.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Severe anxiety. I need help but I don't know where to turn. I can't keep living this way. I feel stuck when I really want to move on with my life. Currently, I have a part-time job Mon-Fri for 3 hours in the afternoon. To advance in my career (which I know I want to do), I will have to go back to school to complete my degree. Problem is everytime I start looking at schools, I freak out and I can't complete the task.
My boss offered to meet with me to go over what I need to do to advance in my career (like what schooling I need). I want to meet with him but my mind freaks out whenever I interact with him and I don't feel like I can think straight.
Lately, I have issues concentrating on reading more than a page. Like my mind feels jumpy and skips around.
Then at night, I feel this intense anxiety and I try to calm myself down so I have a couple drinks which I don't want to be doing. But the anxiety is so intense I feel like I need to do something, anything. Even after getting in a hard workout I still feel this way. I workout every day and it used to help my anxiety but now it seems like it isn't helping anymore.
I want to stop feeling this way and be able to move on in my life but I feel stuck and I don't know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
|
Hello... I don't know what to say. This is my first time posting of Reddit. I want to put my feelings into words, but that's a little difficult. This whole cocktail of depression and anxiety is getting too heavy to bear. I've had a bad time for a while now and it's come to a head today. I struggle with feelings of uselessness and unbarring sadness and I don't know why. I... don't know to end a post like this. I guess I want to hear that I'm not as useless as I think I am. Thank you for reading.
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self.depression
|
What's the point? What, truly, is the point in me living? I feel worthless to society because I contribute nothing. I feel like a burden on my family because of my depression and anxiety, and I know I'm not an easy person to live with. I'll never make it into a good college because I've screwed up my grades so badly. Therefor, I won't accomplish anything. And I have so much social anxiety that I'll never make any friends once I graduate, and no one will find me worth dating. My future is mediocre and lonely so I don't see the point in going on.
I've just been depressed for so long and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I've gotten so good at hiding it at this point, I don't even think anyone suspects that I'm suicidal again. I feel so selfish and like a coward, but I can't bring myself to even care. I have no motivation to live and I have no hope.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
NParents using psychiatry as a way to label and me and control me. They don't believe my doctor or psychiatrists diagnosis after seeing many mental health professionals? I don't believe I can move out at 25 and I'm losing hope to live. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not quite sure where to ask this. A few questions about self harm. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Broke up with my bestfriend, trying to stay strong. My bestfriend and I aren't talking right now, it's really complicated, not the typical fight, but one of those WE NEED SPACE relationship pauses. This is the hardest cut off I've ever had to perform. What i mean by that is as a person of depression and anxiety, in the past, ive cut off many friends and family members quick and dry, but cutting him off in 2017 makes me feel like im drowning without being in the ocean, like my intestines are being ripped apart. I tell myself there's a lesson and purpose behind it, there wouldn't be this much agony without a proper life lesson right? As I'm healing some of my deep wounds, and he's figuring out how to establish himself as a model citizen, life continues on. I still like all the things we shared together: food, hobbies, habits, etc.
AND THE MUSIC, the music we listened to was something we only shared together. (Not intentionally) Just so happens that our surrounding peers prefer commercialized music. Our shared and favored musician is coming to town for a show and I jumped at the chance of buying a ticket last night, even if that means going alone (I've always idolized people capable to attend concerts alone, never done it before)
I am now petrified at the idea that I may run into my, now estranged, bestfriend the first time ever going to a concert alone.
FFS, UNIVERSE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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self.offmychest
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maybe maybe i’ll be happy once I come to terms with the fact that nobody is gonna treat me how I treat them, in fact the nicer I am the more shitty I get treated because the people in this world are so mean and fucked up that I have to write a reddit post in tears because I don’t have an actual person to listen to me even tho i’ve SPENT HOURS UPON HOURS COMFORTING PEOPLE AND GIVING ADVICE MEANWHILE IM FUCKING SUFFERING AND ALONE.
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self.depression
|
Well just when i thought I had something good... So where i live, you go to primary school, then secondary school, then CEGEP and then University. I'm in Cegep and I was supposed to be there only 2 years but I failed some classes due to lack of motivation and stuff going on.
During Fall 2016, I failed half my classes (3/6) and was obligated to sign a contract that stated I could no longer fail classes for the next semester (or at least thats what I thought). So I passed all 5 classes I took that semester (Winter 2017) and got on with stuff. This semester (Fall 2017), I took 4 classes to have 4 the next one and go to Uni next year. I however had a rough patch near the finals and the only thing keeping me going was that girl in my biology class, we started texting and then we went on a few dates and recently started going out together which is definitely the best thing that happened to me in years. I however gor my grades from my finals and I failed 2/4 classes and I received an email saying I could not attend my Cegep for Winter 2018. I didn't think the contract lasted until the end of my Cegep and I was starting to have some sort of happiness and boom!
Fuck you !
- Life
My girlfriend doesn't know yet and we've only been together for 3 days (but dating for a month). She is good in school, and idk if she'll stay with me bc of that.
I don't know what to do, I don't see anything good coming out of this..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I could just be myself I have bad anxiety about being judged by others and surprising people who may not know certain things about me. For years now I've had anxiety about being judged for trivial things like music tastes and interests. I always feel the need to keep certain things to myself which sucks because it'd be a lot easier if I could just be myself.
If I want to try something new, I always worry about what other people will think of it. For example, I've been wanting to learn guitar lately but that's something new for me so I have anxiety about reactions from other people (I'm 20 but I still live with my family so it'd be a hard thing to hide).
I also have certain food allergies, the worst part about it is anxiety related. I've always kept it a secret because it makes me feel different than everyone else because some people consider food to be such an important thing and I have to eat differently and it makes me feel different than everyone else.
Anyone have any advice? I'm so sick of feeling like I can't be myself, but the anxiety is also so hard to face.
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self.Anxiety
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Tips, tricks, advice to naturally return to sleep following a panic episode WITHOUT reaching for the med cabinet [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Hung up on the childhood sexual influence... Explorations and first sexual contact for me was with a guy over 20 years ago, I’m 33 now and male FYI.
So I’m married now to a woman and these explorations were when I was a preteen and teen but are relived in my mind a lot.
It went from boys hanging out and doing what they do play sports, watch sports, play games, watch tv and movies. Talks about all that and cars and girls and women used to come up and fantasies and desires. Now there used to be 4-5 of us that regular got together because of our families being close. But I was closest to one of the boys let’s call him M. M was about 4-5 years older then me.
One night it was just my family at Ms house and we were hanging out in the basement like usual and while watching some movie together with some sexual scenes and M asked if I was getting hard which wasn’t uncommon as we all did talk about women around us that we found hot and women in movies etc. I being younger out of the bunch was usually more on the listening side when the older guys were talking about things. But in this case it was just us 2. I said no even tho I was. M said I’m super hard want to see? I declined, but M insisted we show each other and compare “don’t you wanna see what a real dick looked like” he stated teasing me. Both sitting on the couch M pulled his pants down revealing himself fully hard and I noticed his dick was circumcised and I am not. (Around this same age I was discovering my foreskin and bringing it full down and up, I was not shown or told this our cultures aren’t open sexually)
So being gutsy and teased on I also pulled down my pants and both of us were there cocks out with out parents upstairs and his grandparents down the hall in their room.
It went from us touching each other to the sexual scene together to getting closer together. He eventually took my hand and placed it on his cock.. clearly a lot bigger and harder than me I was preteen and he was a teen. I found it interesting he had no foreskin lol and he found it interesting I did. We went from no lips kissing, (folding our lips into our mouths kissing) to soft kisses on the lips. And then we heard a noise and jumped up just before someone coming down and busting us in the act. Good thing about older houses can hear someone about to enter a room.
As we got together quite often but not always alone we would at times have to keep it to ourselves at times, but when it was just us two things lead to talks about that night and sexual desires but about women. We also of course got back to where we left off kisses, making out and mutual masturbation. Things then built up to wanting more and him wanting me to blow him. I was ok with the JO sessions and making out but declined the bjs many times before eventually it leading to that. I never let him cum on me or in my mouth and the same went for him never cum on or in him. He used to time me at times for how long I could do it as it wasn’t always my favourite thing and also the attraction to women still was and is in me. Things started to fall off when he would not reciprocate the BJs as much as I would be asked to. Being so young I didn’t quite understand the pleasures and desires and things I know now of course but I do have the desires for mutual jos, bjs and fun again.
It clearly has an impact on my sexual relationships and intimacy now. It has an impact on my mind and desires. It is not something I’m angry about as I would explore again.
Just getting it off my chest I suppose ...
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self.offmychest
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This might sound silly, but music has saved my life. [removed]
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self.depression
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Having suicidal thoughts I don't know if this is the right place to post this but this is where I'm posting it. These thoughts all started last year when I opened up to my friend about how I really felt after years of bottling up my negative emotions. After this the floodgates opened. It got better when I got a girlfriend as I felt better about myself and felt like I could talk to her about it. We broke up after 3 or 4 months so it wasn't the longest relationship. About a week after we broke up the thoughts started coming back. Thoughts like you're a useless fuck up and you'll never amount to anything in life. It's always thoughts about my future and how little of a future I have. I feel like this comes from my dad who beat me and emotional abused me and yet I still looked up to him. He would always say things like you're useless and emotionally manipulate me. This included stuff like if you hadn't said anything (about the abuse) I wouldn't have had to pay for those lawyers (for custody which he ended up winning). All this negativity just adds up on me to the point where I feel like it would be better to just do it. Just end my life. The only thing keeping me going at this point is my current girlfriend and 2 or 3 of my actual friends as well as the fear of dying. I don't actually want to die I just want a way out and that seems like the best way. It just feels like my future is fucked just as much as my present is and its too much for me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Helping SO with Panic attacks. I recently witnessed my SO go through a panic attack and I felt helpless because I didn't know how to help. I asked what I could do and did just that. After everything settled I thought it was over it came back in full force. The only thing I wanted to do was to hold them and let them cry it out, but I know a lot of people with anxiety don't want to be touched.
My question is how can I help them through it and how can I help prevent them.
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self.Anxiety
|
F**k my life Long story short, I tried to slit my wrists last night but it didn’t work. One of my teachers spotted the marks and said that she had to tell the safeguarding person “to keep me safe”. The safeguarder is legally obliged to tell my parents, and they’ve spent the past hour shouting me down about it, saying horrible shit. It’s making it feel a lot worse than before, and I don’t think I can deal with this.
Sorry, I didn’t know where else to go so i came here to vent a little bit about it
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self.SuicideWatch
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Here I am back where I was last time. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Afraid of first day of work after mental meltdown Hi
For a while i had to struggle with three taxing problems, having stress with work, a possible distance relationship and my father suffering from Parkinsons with dementia.
So monday last week we suddently got a shitload of work (most we got all year) & I kinda drove myself into rejection with the woman I wrote with (me being too pushy, she also suffers from anxiety btw).
During the first few days I noticed it got really difficult to endure any kind of stressier situations (driving the car to work, being at work, leaving the home) it kinda got worse and thursday when most of the work was gone I kinda snapped at work and started to cry in front of my female superior because i couldn't deal with the stress and restlessness anymore. I got sent home and am currently starting my AD again that I had laid off since summer since things were really going well (losing weight, being in full control of my life for once).
Now it seems like I have had a severe setback and I'm really afraid of entering work. Before things "escalated" i had worked up a moderate amount of confidence, but now just the thought of starting thursday makes me extremly anxious. I have kinda troubles dealing with my anxious feelings when I'm in the spot that causes my anxiety. I plan on taking a benzodiapine for that first day, but I'm still worried af.
Work conditions are kinda ok i guess, I have a single superior who has 0 social skills (a pure IT kind of guy) who causes most of my anxiety because he enjoys to expose people.
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self.Anxiety
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Fixation on having a certain illnesses Ever since I watched a youtube video of what Rabies does I have this constant fear that I have it and I just don't know yet. I've had nightmares where I get it and feel uneasy around animals in general. Anyone understand what I mean?
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self.Anxiety
|
Thought i was going to post a success, but now it's a fail Had a pretty tough task where I had to give a presentation on something I knew nothing about for 30 minutes.
I prepared, and did a run-through in front of my other colleagues and I was confident, passionate and it as flawless.
All I had to do was do the exact same thing in front of the some senior staff that came to watch the presentation 30 minutes later.
I completely burned.
As they were sitting down my mouth dried up and started trembling, verging on a panic attack but I had to start and get through it. It was awful.
I got everything muddled up and sounded weak and un-interesting. Stammering my words, sweating cold. Dreadful.
I thought I was starting to get over this anxiety and take control. I actually enjoy public speaking, and want to enjoy it because I know deep inside me I should be good at it. But anxiety took over and killed me.
I'm gutted, ashamed and feel everyone's judging my performance and thinks I'm no good.
I don't want to go back on medication for this but it's seriously hindering career confidence and progression.
Sorry for rambling, just know you lot can relate and wanted to summarise my feelings.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm struggling with loneliness, sexuality, and expressing my emotions. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Dissatisfaction from anxiety Been feeling very dissatisfied with life lately. I don't seem to get as much fun from my hobbies anymore and this bothers me a lot because everyday goes by with me being unable to function properly and feeling like a part of me is gone. I think this is largely because i put in effort to do things but i'm not seeing my effort being translated into results soon enough and this gets me really frustrated.
I have tried distracting myself with other activities but i just have the feeling that i'm merely doing this to avoid more important stuff and so i'm never truly able to enjoy myself to the fullest and this vicious cycle fuels my anxiety even more.
I appreciate some advice.
Can't really elaborate much because i really don't know what's wrong with me to begin with. Apologies if this seems very vague as i'm still very upset and not thinking very clearly as i'm typing this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Dealing with past deaths of family member's during holidays In the third grade my dad passed away from a heart attack, last February my Nana who was my legal guardian for almost 9 years deteriorated from Alzheimer's until she passed away in February. This year was the first year I went to my dad's grave stone without her. Thanksgiving morning is when she started going downhill and had to be hospitalized. How do people cope with death around the holidays? I'm already dreading it
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self.depression
|
I have no purpose I quit free college because of how much my acne made me hate myself, I just wanted to stop getting the same weird looks every hour of everyday like I'm a circus animal. I quit my retail job because of the same thing. Being bullied in high school for my skin only helped me realize how those looks all make sense now. I wake up everyday at my parents, do nothing, do the same miserable shit alone (which is slightly less miserable than going out and being made fun of or being stared at) and then go to bed. I have no interests in my life besides being alone. I enjoy nothing, not even food, and I have started contemplating why I am even on this fucked up planet.
Suicide has been on my mind for a while now and I think tonight I'll just go through with it. I've talked to my parents about this but they've just guilt tripped me not to instead of trying to help or giving a shit. They don't care they just want what is easiest on them. Suicide might be my only escape at this point. I don't think I would even want to come back from this slump.
Even with clear skin I wouldn't have a direction or passion or relationship with a girl or my family. If you're reading this on the day after then I've probably already killed myself, I just needed to put something out there before I go.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Some of the worst weeks.. In the past like, week and a half. Im constantly overwhelmed and consistently having a suicidal urge. Right now, i want to die so fucking hard. I want to grab this lead from downstairs and hang myself. Ive made a promise to keep surviving until my date in about a month, but its so, fucking, hard.
I havnt been to school (or college if you also live in the UK) for about a week and a half. This week im going to try with my CAMHS worker to tell my parents at a meeting we will all have.
Im so tired, i can barely eat anything more than a snack per day, the police were round my house yesterday morning due to me accidentally drunk texting a final text to the closest person ive had, whos a friend online. I had a driving lesson and couldnt focus, at all. And wanted to drive into a tree the whole time.
ADHD and Depression, boy is it a joy. Undiagnosed, untreated. Fucking, amazing. Im at the end of my ropes and im just trying to get through each day, hour by hour, 10 mins at a time. I cant focus on a video, or do anything than sit in my chair doing nothing.
I want to die, so, fucking, hard. Its a compulsion, SH doesnt help more than a few mins after doing it and life is pointless.
Racing suicidal compulsions going through my head every 10 seconds, no energy at all, but i feel restless at the same time. Its so hard, lifes so hard. I want it all to end so much
URGH
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self.depression
|
Depressed? Weed? Hi there,
I'm 17 years old studying psychology and working a shitty job I just quit, last month. However this was all fun to me before, since three weeks nothing feels good anymore, I am numb, everything is a chore. Literally. It feels like I got 2000 lbs of weight and I want to sleep all day. It all started four weeks ago when I decided to quit smoking weed. Before I found weed I used to be depressed, always thinking about how shitty this world is, how shitty my future will be. Working my whole life away, I don't want people, society, expecting shit from me.. weed was a great anti depressant I guess. I was the happiest guy on the planet these years, now every single moment of happiness feels like faking it. I am going to smoke sunday when I hit the one month off target and I might get some improvements then, get better even I don't know if it's related, if this will stay.. I'm thinking of ending it like 6 times a day when I get alone, but I could never do that because of my familiy and friends.
Do you guys think this is related to the weed, should I get back to smoking or sit this out with the risk of falling further and further into this shithole???
I really don't know what to do or where to go.. haven't showered in two weeks, tired all the time, people starting to distance themselves.. maaaaan why did I ever even get born, I can't remember asking for this, going to school, having to work, having to put up with all this bullshit, do any of you guys?
Hope someone reads this and understands. Someone to talk to would be nice but I get if no one needs this sad shit on their fucking plate..
Thanks for reading byebye
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self.depression
|
High school has fucking ruined my teenage years Nothing else makes me as miserable as it. Nothing else has made me want to die as much as it. Nothing else can suck the life and joy from my soul quite as much as it can. It has made me question whether life will actually get any better. Will I just be stuck in a never-ending cycle of fake friends, spirit-breaking routines, awful people, anger, sadness, cynicism, isolation and anxiety forever when eventually it spits me out into the real world? Every night I come home physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and every morning I hear the alarm clock ring and contemplate the fact that I have fucking nothing worth getting up for. I have like 4-5 months left until I graduate but it may as well be 4-5 years (shit, I don't even think I should joke about something like that). I guess I'll just have to keep fighting until then.
But the worst part is it has taken my teenage years, a significant part of my life, away from me. That's not including all the time that I imagine it will take me to recover from this bullshit. I will never get this time back. And sure, I'm grateful for the knowledge I have, but it has come at severe cost to my mental health.
Thank you for reading this if you still are. This is like my only place where I can vent like this and it feels good to. If anyone has any advice on how to make it through the remainder of my final year it is welcome, as are any simple words of encouragement (sorry if this sounds needy, but I'm nearing the end of my tether).
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self.depression
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Been a loser my whole life now feel like i am about to break I have been a loser my whole life. Never had any friends. Never been good in sports or studies or anything. Gay in country where it's illegal. Got a chance to do something but now even that feels like it's slipping through my fingers. Should i just end it at least i would stop being a shame to my family and myself.
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self.depression
|
How do I know I was diagnosed correctly? Over the past 4 years, I have been searching for answers. I have been hospitalized 4 times because of extreme lows. At first, doctors thought I was just severely depressed and would give me SSRIs... that would put me in a manic state and I would go off the walls for months until I hit a low and I end up back at the hospital.. finally I was diagnosed with bipolar 2... after being med compliant for about a year, I started to be self aware and mindful. My girlfriend at the time hated when I was medicated so over the course of 6 months, I worked with my psychologist to get off meds and live a life of a rollercoaster... (because at least my emotions were there)
I’ve had problems with drug addiction because of my bipolar.... or at least that’s what they tell me... what if I’m just a drug addict? I’ve been able to stay clean for years at a time, and then something pulls me back. I don’t feel physically addicted to drugs, I’ve done every drug and never had the physical addiction like people do to heroin or meth.. I’ve just always enjoyed it...
How do I know or my doctors know if I’m actually bipolar or if drugs affect me to have these mood swings?
I’m just ranting.. I wonder if anyone else has problems with drugs and think it’s because of manic/depressive state or it’s just because the addiction to drugs...
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self.bipolar
|
Today was supposed to be my wedding day But I chose to screw up my 8 year relationship with an affair with not one but two men. We were engaged already when he found out. I am a selfish person with a compulsive need to look for love elsewhere. I was sexually abused by one and sought attention with the other. My ex fiance does not believe that it was abuse. Now we are slowly mending but it still hurts everyday. I have returned the ring and I don't know if we will ever marry. I have broken contact with my affairs but I still think of them now and then. I know I'm a terrible person and I think about ending my life constantly.
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self.offmychest
|
Death of my hobbies I used to love drawing and painting. I even majored in art at college. Because of home life I found it impossible to find time todo either. I take a sketchbook to work every night and have the opportunity to draw every night. I find myself constantly looking at instagram and doubting my skills. When I go to draw I intend to improve my drawing but always draw the same stuff (various comic ideas). But I'm never fully satisfied with my work. I've lost interest in something that used to rule my life. I'm tired of my subject matter but kind find anything original to draw.
I found the death of hobby.
|
self.bipolar
|
My Granddaughter died yesterday She was two months old, and died of SIDS. I never met her. I have not spoken to her father in 4 years, since I had him removed from my house.
Backstory
Her father (A), was my problem child. He was diagnosed with adhd early in life, and was on medication for most of his childhood. I spent an extraordinary amount of time on him, taking him from one psychologist/psychiatrist to another. Even family counseling. I poured my heart and soul into helping him be the best person that he could be, like most parents would do. His mother was not around, she left soon after my (our) youngest was born.
We were in conflict throughout most of his childhood. Me pushing him to be the best person he could be, and him refusing to be anything more than a pathological liar. When I had finally had enough, ( he had threatened to kill me in my sleep, and we found 9 knives under his mattress) I had him removed from the house before he was 18. In order to do that in my state, the police have to be involved. While we were at the police station, he claimed that he had been sexually abused by my oldest son. Of course, the child protection services were called, and there was a complete investigation, which concluded that there was no evidence of anything to support his claim. His goal was to just cause as much conflict and drama in his way out the door.
I cut ties with him.
Some of my family has stayed in contact with him. That is their right to do so. I cannot tell anyone who they can or cannot talk to. I respect that.
Fast forward 4 years. He and his longtime girlfriend are living in another state and have had a child. Based on our past history, I elect to stay away. I feel that it is in everyone's best interest, especially the child. Last summer they announce that child number two will be here in October. Again, I elect to stay away for the same reasons.
Yesterday, I see a link on a relatives Facebook page for a gofundme account for the newborns funeral expenses.
I don't know how I feel about it.
I am sad about the entire chain of events that have led up to this point.
I have become accustomed to being the asshole who kicked his kid out of the house and cut ties with him. Also the asshole who has never met his granddaughters.
But this is different.
No one should have to bury their child.
|
self.offmychest
|
i hate being so anxious i feel like such a shitty person because any time my boyfriend mentions his best friend (female) i get so anxious even though he constantly reassures me theres nothing between them and never will be. theyre facetiming tonight while im meeting my parents at the airport for thanksgiving. i feel like shit. fuck fuck fuck fuck. im just sitting here sobbing feel like he is cheating on me even though i know he wont. oh my god i hate myself.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Goodnight anyone I got no one to tell them goodnight. To anyone hope you sleep well
|
self.depression
|
Fuck it, I'm tired of this shit, I'm going to my doctor this week to try antidepressants. I can't stand this shit anymore. I'm not even depressed, its the anxiety which is causing it all, but I figured I post on this sub anyway since it seems to be more active than the anxiety one.
Anyway, my life is going good really. I have no reason to feel like I do. I don't get it. My social anxiety is out of this world, really bad. I even started using drugs (mostly painkillers) and I am find myself using every night just to cover my feelings of anxiety/depression throughout the day. I just can't interact with people I feel like, and it's really starting to hinder me. Even worse, I now started talking to this girl, whom I haven't even met yet. Our friend hooked us up on facebook because he'd thought we'd be good. She wants to meet up and it's just adding to my general anxiety. I literally haven't interacted with the opposite sex since I graduated college 2 years ago because my anxiety has been so bad. I can't even talk to people or meet new people now without seeming like a introverted creep. My thoughts race like crazy, I can't focus. My head seems cloudy all the time. I'm tired most of the day, my sleep schedule is fucked up. I started using drugs more. I really just want to feel normal again.
I've always been skeptical of of antidepressants. But my cousin (who is a few years younger than me, about 18) was just put on lexapro, and he says he is really noticing a different. I have some Adderall I am going to self medicate with tomorrow just to see how I feel from this, because I really need my head cleared and just want to think straight for one day. Then I am calling my doctor tomorrow afternoon and scheduling an appointment and I am trying antidepressants.
Just looking for words of wisdom, advice, etc. For those of you that have suffered from depression and anxiety (general and social anxiety) how did it help? Really I just want to be able to interact with people again. I want to be myself again. I want to stop the constant panic attacks, general anxiety, etc. and all the shit I listed above. I feel trapped inside my own head
*Edit* My brain is constantly foggy so I am hoping that this adderall just lets me think clear headed for once and be sociable. Doesn't anyone know if there is a correlation between ADD and depression/anxiety? I feel as if I have a mixture of all 3
|
self.depression
|
Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of the year? Fuck that. I'm sick of all this "Christmas is a time of joy" bullshit. No it's fucking not. Today is probably the most miserable fucking day of the year. We never travel or have anyone come visit, so it's just like any other day alone in my fucking house. Except that today, all my friends are with their perfect fucking families living their perfect fucking lives and are apparently too damn busy to even think of speaking to me. Christmas isn't about showing love and compassion, it's about throwing money at people in a shitty attempt to make up for being completely bereft of emotional support. All the money in the world isn't going to make me feel like I'm worth shit to anyone. That's literally the only thing I want, and the only thing I have ever wanted. I don't even know why I'm fucking trying anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Help me understand how "stress" works? I just cried a few minutes ago....just laid in the shower and cried. You'll have to forgive me if this post is a little random, but I'm just trying to figure out whats happening....
I don't quite understand how stress works. I've had anxiety for about 8 years now...since I was in highschool...and I've gotten MUCH MUCH better with it, developing and practicing coping mechanisms which have helped me go from barely being able to leave the house to complete everyday tasks, to basically being able to have a full on "attack" and sit down, breathe deep for a few minutes and go right back to whatever I was doing just fine.
But lately it feels like I've been very stressed over almost nothing but my anxiety. Personally it feels like on a stress scale of 1-10 where 1 is perfect zen and 10 is heart attack, "Laying on the shower floor and crying due to stress" is like a solid 7
Does this mean I'm only a couple steps away from my stress actually causing me serious issues???
The first thing that confuses me is that I don't feel SUPER STRESSED, honestly I was fine all day long today until a couple hours ago, sitting on the couch I got an overwhelming sense of sadness. It came from nowhere and doesn't seem to be attached to anything specific, just, "congratulations your chest suddenly feels sad now" (now side note: this feeling has been coming over me for the past couple months almost every day, it feels like I have to cry, but I haven't allowed my body to cry because it feels like I legitimately have NOTHING to cry about, so this time I decided I might as well just give my body what it seems to be asking for?? It feels very weird to feel like you have nothing to cry about, then cry, and then go back to not being sad right after you cry....)
I just don't get it....I thought stress was something that built up over time....like you hop from 5 -> 6 after a few months of continued stress...Is that not how it works?
Does stress fluctuate between 1 and 10 on a daily basis? And how much do "stress relieving activities" actually help? I just cried does that mean I'll go from 7 to 5? or down to 3? and will it stay that way for a day? or do I not have to worry about these feelings again for another month????
I just don't know anymore...
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else no longer know what they live for? I remember a time when I had clear cut dreams and ambitions. It seems that I stray further from them the longer I travel down this cursed rabbithole. Everything seems nebulous, the future seems shit, and I can't tell how much of it is directly my fault.
I hope you guys are churning through this shit regardless, I've gotten better before, I'll get better again. I have to believe that.
|
self.depression
|
I've been really bad dreams lately. About a time when my parents are divorced , about my parents fighting , about me being not being able to function in the *real* world. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Influx of "I'm happy I didn't kill myself this year!" on the front page... [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Well I postponed suicide again, and I still want to die. I hope girls don't hate me after I'm dismembered. I let myself be talked into not committing suicide on the premise that I wouldn't be suicidal tomorrow. Well today is here and I still want to die. The belief it gets better is all lies. I'll always be hated no matter what. So when I live stream me cutting off my limbs with my sword, I hope that's enough for people to stop hating me in death at least.
|
self.depression
|
I suck I have too many regrets to have any sympathy for myself. I can think that things aren't so bad, but my accumulation of bad reactions to life leave me in a paralysis and I think I deserve it. I know how it feels to wish I were never born. I at least wish I could erase a great deal of memory and start fresh.
|
self.depression
|
The schedule of my life. I hate my life so much. Here is my schedule:
Everyday I wake up around 11. I then check my phone to see if I got any messages or anything. Nothing. I then proceed to watch YouTube or w/e till 12 to get me fully awake.
12-4; I then check my email and other things on my computer, and work on my game to hopefully distract me from the world. It never usually works.
I also call on job apps and the likes to see if anything changed. Nothing.
4-6; I go to the gym to try to change my life style (being fat sucks). But never see any progress, if any.
6-whenever; I do a range of things including playing games and watching movies. Same old same old.
What's the point in doing all these things if my depression will eventually win against me. I do plan on ending my life by the end of the month.
I have no money, no job, no girlfriend, no friends, got kicked out of college (out of my reach, no matter how hard I try to stay in) not really close to any family members. So why put off the thing that's suppose to happen. I can't change my life, bc Everytime I do, something bad happens. Fuck it all.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Any experience with magnesium for anxiety/ depression? I have read good things and ordered some magnesium glycinate for agoraphobia and panic. I have a bit of medicine phobia. Thoughts?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else feel like their mind keeps moving the finish line? Does anyone else feel like as soon as they accomplish one of their goals, no matter how big or small, their mind just ends up moving the finish line and starts telling them their accomplishment doesn't matter?
The reason I ask is because I recently got my GED, and I should feel really happy and accomplished, as this was one of my main goals at this point in life. However, as soon as found out I passed the GED, my mind ended up moving the finish line.
"Getting the GED isn't even a big deal! You haven't even had a job yet! A REAL accomplishment would have been staying in school and getting a diploma, or getting a job! You've accomplished nothing!". That's all I've been able to think about.
Anybody else have this problem?
|
self.depression
|
The semester ends next week and I'm missing 5 major assignments.... I don't know how I'm going to pull it off. The saddest thing is one of them was due a month ago but I didn't do it because it was a group project and even though I'm in my second year of university I have no friends in my program, now my TA is pissed off because I haven't done anything and I will have to do it alone.
Another prof I met with this week even asked me if I was sure I was capable of finishing the assignment. Like, even she can tell that I'm depressed and I haven't said a word about it to her.
|
self.depression
|
I love my boyfriend, but I am NOT happy in this relationship anymore. And I don’t know if it’s salvageable. Just needed to admit it to myself.
|
self.offmychest
|
No Medical Marijuana for "SEVERE Anxiety"??? I recently applied for the MMMP with my Primary Care Physician's blessing and filling out paperwork as a diagnosis of "severe anxiety". I was denied because it's not one of the other qualifying conditions (of which I can't find a specific list for).
I was really happy my normal PCP was able to submit paperwork for me and I didn't have to go see any sketchy holistic doctor, but this is a bummer.
My Anxiety does meet many of the requirements for other medical conditions. It can cause chronic and severe nausea, migraines, and pain. Also, if they bothered to contact my doctor for more information, they would have known this, and known that I've been trying various longterm anxiety meds, and rescue medications that do not help/have bad side effects.
(Plus ADHD, and Depression is also a factor in what I'm dealing with.)
When will mental illness be looked at in the same lights as physical illness?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I had been feeling great and now I feel like I'm plummeting into overwhelming sadness I've been working out consistently and eating well. I was feeling really great; happy, cheery, and just super excited about things and then one day I'm struck with this overwhelming feeling of despair. A few days ago, I came home from practice and buckled on the floor and started crying. I've been crying everyday since then. I've meditated, I've journaled, I've sorted out some thoughts and while there are things that don't seem like a big deal they amp up my episodes. Now I just feel like a zombie... I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is anybody else just tired all the time? Like, no matter how many energy drinks you have or how much sleep you get, you're just tired? I can't seem to be awake when I need to be (at work), I feel like a zombie. My meds stopped working again. I even doubled the dose like he originally wanted and it's not putting me to sleep. It's just giving me a headache.
Sigh.
Please tell me I'm not the only one.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anxiety part Deux Deux So I had my anxiety under control for like 2 years now. Plot twist it's back and it's frustrating as hell man. I assume this is all related to getting older and drinking like an idiot. When I quit drinking I was pretty in control. Now that's gone. It's weird. How do you guys deal with it? I'm thinking of going in to the doctors to get meds. I'm already seeing a therapist and they suggested going to a doctor. Anxiety is dumb.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is anxiety like this for everyone? I have tried to explain to family and friends without anxiety this, and they look at me like I’m crazy. When I get anxious I start to feel it. Like In my veins a vibrating that starts in my middle and spreads to my fingers. I hate this feeling and I recognize the prickling immediately. Anyone relate?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Wanted to the opinion of people I don't need to worry about judging me [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
How can I tell my parents that I really need medical help? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Exercise, eating healthy food and no drugs or alcohol whatsoever. Is this the only cure for us? I hate having to live like a boy scout So many people in the world are free to be "naughty" every now and then but us bipolars?? Nooooooo...we have to pretty much live like nuns otherwise we have "episodes". Honestly, I'm not advocating using drugs but I hate feeling like we have to be kept on a leash. Especially us who are single. So what, am I supposed to stay home every friday And saturday night watching netflix? Fucking hell, what kind of life is that?
|
self.bipolar
|
Can depression ever go away? Did any of you feel so lost, and yet be glad you're here today? Going through a rough patch at the moment. Alot of aspects in my life are going wrong right now, and this isn't the first phase of depression i've been through. Even at the lowest low, is it worth sticking out? Does it ever feel like that not shutting yourself away from the world was the best desicion you ever made? Why?
|
self.depression
|
I'm really worried about my cat. I'm really worried about my cat, Mickey. He's not eating much and he's hiding in the closet constantly. Something is wrong and so far the vet hasn't been able to find anything wrong with him. He's getting an ultrasound tomorrow but I'm wracked with horrible anxiety about it. I really don't know how to process this.
I don't know what I'd do without him. It's too soon. I'm scared.
|
self.offmychest
|
Have set deadline * Short background (relevant).
Im 31 now. I finished school and went to other country to pursuit my dream, becoming a doctor. I've managed to achieve it. But I made huge sacrifices. I left all my friends behind and have no contacts now because I convinced myself that any relationships would hurt my studies. Also while I am in country X i havent made any relationships.
* Main issue
Im tired of being alone. I have many regrets, for example, i have sacrificed best years of life (18-30) to devote myself only to studying and it wasn't worth it. For how long someone can withstand being alone (is 13 years enough?)? I know i have reached my limit.
I have set up deadline when im going to finnish it all. Ive decided to live for another year and if nothing changes i will finally end it. For this moment I've arranged all documents which my family will need when i end life. Also I have payed and filled all papers needed for my burial and body transportation to other country. I wanted to share this, cause i had no one to speak with.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
what IS anxiety Serious question. Research on the internet and even talking to my doctor I just can't wrap my head around it.
I'm asking here because a discussion about it might help shed some light on it. Physically I can feel stress, my body will tighten up, my mood will become hostile and short, I will begin to have a very negative outlook and become critical. If I had to describe anxiety I would almost say it feels like I can't think rationally? Is what I am feeling in stress actually anxiety? I actually don't know how to describe it, what do you all think?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why am I depressed when I have a good life. I have a good life by my standards. the roof over my head, meals to eat, work, school, friends etc. so why do I feel like I'm not good enough to have this. Why do I feel like my friends hate me, I won't succeed in anything I do and I'm going to kill myself before I finish college.
The only reason I'm even writing this post is that I have completely shut out everyone else.
Edit: Just been diagnosed with throat cancer today (1/10/18) I am 17 and haven't done any drugs/smoked. Glad to see the universe is on my side. If I'm lucky it'll kill me by next year.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I️ have been thinking about suicide. What do I️ do? I️ am a 14 year old boy and my life may not seem that bad. I️ live in a nice neighborhood. The thing is I️ have horrible ADHD. My friends and family hate it. I️ have a very bad relationship with my brother and I️ have no friends. I️ always end up being too annoying. People make fun of me. I️ have never attempted suicide but I️ have thought about it many times. I️ still do. I️ want to know what I️ can do to not even think about it. Please help.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am at rock bottom. It’s over. Everything is ruined. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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