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How are you supposed to talk to somebody you haven't spoken to in three years? I want to do it, but I just have no idea what to say in the first message. I wouldn't even be able to continue after that and have a conversation...
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self.Anxiety
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Need some advice. I’m really falling for this one girl and my anxiety is seriously getting in the way. Hey guys. I’m really crushing on this girl at my college. I’m a freshman, and currently am on winter break. Before this girl, I crushed on a different girl for a whole year and because of my anxiety I couldn’t even bring myself to talk to her. I know, I’m pathetic. Well thanks to support from some of my college friends and some newfound courage, with the new girl from my college I’ve finally started talking to her regularly. However, my anxious thoughts are really getting to me. It feels almost like I can see into the future. I feel so certain that at least one of these scenarios are going to happen;
-She doesn’t think I’m into her cause I’m too scared to make a move and moves on
-She dates me out of pity because she thinks I’m disabled (I really don’t know why I think this one. I have a kind of paranoia that I have something severely wrong with my social abilities, but I know it’s false.)
-We don’t have enough in common and she gets bored of me
-etc.
How do I act interesting?? We don’t have much in common as far as I know (she loves sports, I don’t know shit about sports). I’m sick of feeling like I’m going to fuck this up no matter what.
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self.Anxiety
|
I've never felt so alone The only thing that's stopping me from killing myself is that I don't really want to harm myself, but I want to stop living
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self.SuicideWatch
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efforts that are useless and that are stupid here i am going a rant, my english isnt very good sorry.
many years i tried to work at this. many years past that i start in this, at a very young age thats vulerable and weak.
practice the skills, it isnt good enough. debut, fail. debut, fail. cover my tattoos is no good. nose surgery, no good. eye surgery no good. talk different, ok? no good. change hair, its no good. the ugly tattoos are no good, cant be on a broadcast for then until now because it will have to be edit. can i remove skin off?
theres no suceess in a place that there is no happiness. even now success is with no meaning at all. what are dreams? what is doing a good job?
a few fun times i have, it was good but is it worth suffering? no. my jaw bone broke and now biting is not center and eating food is painful
i am look like a dirty person, a hooligan, why do you do this they say to me. you come here already dirty and broken, you are expecting to be cared for even though its like this? ugly? no, change your eyes next your nose and your jaw will break next
i will tear tattoos fro m my skin, die and become reborn someone worthful
when iw as younger i visited some in america, i remember feeling the world then like it is open and there is many opprotunity, but now i cant see any of that
thank you
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't know what to do My twin sister was hospitalized a few months ago for suicidal thoughts. I feel like if i try and go to the ER I will just be seen as seeking attention.
I don't want to die, but I don't want to be living right now. I've been sick I think for so long. I feel like if I end up I the hospital my boyfriend will break up with me once he realizes that I'm not as well as he thinks I'm doing. But it's getting harder and harder to get up and interact. Yesterday I had a midterm and for a bit I swore I was going home to end it. It's getting harder to not do it. I don't want too worry my mother, but it's getting harder. I'm on medication and I've been through therapy, idk what else there is to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I recently talked about my suicidal thoughts/attempt and I appreciate the support Hey guys, thanks for talking me down a bit. It's been a few days and I've survived. I'm on my meds again, adjusting the Effexor they just prescribed me.
I feel really nauseous, and I can't stomach food sometimes, but I'm surviving. I completed a lot of the school stuff that was freaking me out, and while I've got more (plus exams) this week, I feel more balanced. I think I can make it.
I feel this intense need to isolate myself and zone out watching TV to make time go faster. I cut it out, and spent some time studying for anatomy with my dad today, which was positive. I still feel terrified of other people, but family, friends, and a wonderful, patient girlfriend are getting me through it.
I think she's one of the reasons I'm surviving. Every time I have suicidal thoughts I keep thinking of how she'd feel if I did it, and it genuinely helps me decide not to do it (except that moment of numb self-destruction last week).
This will pass. I'll feel a little more balanced again, my cognitive decline will be easier to cope with, and after break I'll be getting into 300 level classes in my actual major, so I'll have something more engaging and positive to apply my mind to.
I have a final tomorrow and I'm fighting anxieties about imminent failure. But I know the information, and that's all that I could do. We'll see how it goes.
I haven't told anyone about my attempt last week, because I'm scared of how they'd see me. I spent my therapy session trying to work through the anxiety about my academic stuff. I might tell him next session, but I'm scared of getting sent back to the hospital, and I can't do that again.
I did have a spurt of hypomania where I wrote a rather frenzied few pieces for a sociology class. I had to make a portfolio of my writing through the semester, and in the description for each essay I gave a piece of an imaginary world in which each essay is considered a holy book for a weird cult based around my life. It was deeply cathartic. I was raised Mormon and after my mission (when the bipolar kicked in) I feel really anxious about religion in general. My GF's violin recital this weekend was in an evangelical church, and I had to go hide in the bathroom for a bit to clear my head after her performance. Evangelicals were really cruel to me on my mission (spitting, flipping me off, trying to cast demons out of me, refusing to serve me at restaurants) and I still feel a lot of resentment toward them. I'd like to let it go someday, I just kinda hate their religion and feel this mixture of fear and anger whenever I'm around them.
Sorry about the novel, I just like having an anonymous place to talk about this so I can go about my daily life as if everything's normal. Thanks for being there.
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self.bipolar
|
Wondering if anyone else has this. Normally I'm quite unemotional but some things set me off. Most days I'm pretty unemotional and unable to connect with how I or others feel. Well, I can pretend, that's easy, but normally I don't feel very much at all.
Occasionally though, something will set me off. Usually when I'm alone. Like I'll hear a melancholy song and burst into tears, or I'll wake up crying after a night's sleep. It feels pretty random but I've noticed a little consistency in what causes it.
Is this common?
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self.depression
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Does anyone else randomly become anxious over things from the far past or events in the far future. On everything I️ do I️ can’t stop becoming anxious about possible risks in my actions I️ have never talked about my anxiety with anyone and I️ don’t know if I’m just weird or not
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self.Anxiety
|
I made a short comic about suicide for a class. I also have to give an artists statement in front of a whole lecture hall :( wish me luck!
https://imgur.com/IhM532I
EDIT: Lots of people saying how school authorities will chase me down and people will be worried about me. First of all it's college so people don't necessarily behave like that. Second, this isn't supposed to relate to my life and it's not a way for me to vent my feelings. Instead, it's meant to just to make people think about the issue, especially since people in college often go through bouts of depression since they're living away from home for the first time. I need to emphasize that this is not about me or how I feel at all. It's just supposed to have a strong message, that's all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm scared to get better. Before I was depressed, I was really selfish and treated my friends like they were my property. My personality did a full 180 due to depression. Now I'm scared, that if I get better, my personality will revert back to what it was before I got depressed.
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self.depression
|
Scared to re-try meds but need them Hi all.
I was on Prozac for GAD for college and it really helped! The only con of Prozac for me was weight gain and tiredness. I was more social and was actually making friends. Fast forward to last summer was when I stopped taking them because I thought I was chocking on the pill. I've been off ever since. My doc wanted me on Trintillix when my mom got sick this summer, but I never followed up on the prescription. Now, I'm ready to make a fresh start and actually go on meds but am scared to try something new. I'd be ok with prozac again but may need an additive. Sorry...more or a rant than a question.
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self.Anxiety
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Worried about the future. I am in university at the moment and know where my next three years will take me. I know what classes I will take and what I will be doing.
I will graduate and have my Materials Engineering degree along with my 4th class steam ticket.
After that though...I have no idea what life holds for me. Everything up to this point has been about school and getting an education. In three years I will truly be out in the real world with no plan. Jobs are slim picking these days so hopefully I can find one. If not I was thinking maybe I can use my degree in the army/navy/airforce somehow. I just don't feel like I know what my purpose is after graduation. There has always been that logical next step but now that is gone, and I'm scared.
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self.offmychest
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I want to do it, but I don't want to ruin holidays It's too close to Christmas, so I want to wait until afterwards, but I can't wait too long afterwards. I think January 15th would be a good time. Do you think it's better to do it sooner or later?
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you deal with airplane anxiety? I am slightly ashamed to admit I'm a 20yo with *horrific* anxiety. It's gotten a lot better (I'm a communications major now!), but airplanes and I don't get along.
I'm sitting in the boarding zone right now getting ready for a flight to see my parents for Christmas, and I'm trying soo hard not to lose my shit.
I have a stuffed animal I keep with me that I'm squeezing the crap out of, but what does everyone else do? I can't imagine I'm the only one who gets massive anxiety attacks when it comes to flying.
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self.Anxiety
|
Oh my God I don't think I can do it anymore I'm in so much fucking pain. I'm so horrible. I'm in so much hurt I keep thinking to myself, "This isn't you. You're not this person." I keep thinking I can just stop watching this fucked up show about this fucked up person, that I can turn off the TV and walk away and go hang out with friends. But I can't. I'm this person. I'm here, silently screaming, bawling my eyes out in my room because it hurts so much. I am the person, now, with cut marks on my wrists. That's *me*. I am this person and I can't escape it. I'm drowning. People keep saying "oh it'll get better!" No that's not the point, I don't care if it *will* get better, it's too painful to do anything anymore, I can't wait a month, a year, a decade. I need it to end *now*. If I could just shake the feeling of my grieving father finding my dead body, and my mother finding out, I'd have already done it. Fuck.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Experiences with Mirtazipine? (15mg) So after a terrible few days with Citalopram that included calling an ambulance due to intense health anxiety and complete lack of sleep, the doctor has switched me to Mirtazipine. I'm quite excited as it's known to be a lot easier to handle than SSRI's, doesn't take as long to work, makes you sleep like a baby and gives you mega munchies. This all sounds good to me as my main problems are lack of appetite and terrible quality of sleep, alongside GAD and Dysthymia depression. I was wondering if anybody has any experiences with this drug they would like to share? Any motivational advice or maybe even warnings for effects to look out for. Thanks
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self.depression
|
It's all my fault. I'm getting blamed for by boyfriend drinking again. My bf, Adam, quit his job last February because he drank so often and wouldn't get out of bed. Then went to rehab, then went back to school. He started drinking again, didn't even make it a year sober, and I'm getting blamed for it.
He shut himself in his room on Sunday and basically stopped eating or drinking (anything beside alcohol). I kept checking on him and seeing if he was okay. He told me he had the flu and that he wasn't drinking. He was unfocused and when I was breaking down he just laid in his bed. He lied to me for three days and I called 911 and had the cops called out to talk to him. He told the cops he'd been drinking and they called the EMTs to come out and take him to the hospital.
I've been really depressed lately due to my shitty third shift job and basically feeling like crap. Adam gets to go back to school and gets it all paid just because he stopped drinking. I work hard and get nothing but crippling depression. I've been having suicidal thoughts and have expressed this to him and was looking for support. So since I can't be the 'weak' one and the one that needs help, it's my fault that he decided to drink again.
His dad even told me, "Neither of you have anything to fall back on. You don't have a church or friends." Fucking ass! It's not my fault he started drinking.
I'm sorry about the rambling, I just have no one to talk to and need some type of venting.
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self.depression
|
I need to go I'm 26 years old. I dropped out of college at a great school during my sophomore year because I realized I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. 7 years later that holds true. I've been fighting depression every single day.
But I'm not even worried about the grand scheme anymore. I'm just so fucking lonely. I can't stand myself anymore. I'm pathetic. What's honestly terrible about it is I know I'm not physically ugly. But being a man with depression and no self confidence and little to no experience at 26 just makes me a sad sack of flesh and bones to women. People think there's someone out there for everyone, but if deep down I hate what I am, how can I expect anyone else to tolerate it?
I have a great group of friends, but most of them are coupled up. Sometimes I feel like a fucking alien around them because I'm just thst forever alone single guy. And I know all of this just sounds like fucking whining but god damnit this is my experience and I'm going to get it out there.
I don't know how many more years, months, weeks or days I can sit here in this body alone with my thoughts. I just want some fucking companionship. Someone to talk to who isn't being paid to listen and/or listening out of pity that I don't need to feel guarded around.
Everything I do is a chore. Work, free time, fucking partying, all of it. I'm a broken mess of nerves. And I'm supposed to keep fighting? For what? I've lost the two members of my family that mean the most to me in the last year. My grandma one year ago and my mom 2 months ago. They won't be here to be disappointed.
So I guess I'm dropping this here for the same fucking platitudes as always, right? It gets better, keep fighting! Maybe I'm just too cynical for my own good, but I think I missed the train. I think I'm just a waste now. And I think there's no reason continuing this charade like I'll ever be happy.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The Exact Girl I Was Looking For is Now Gone I met this girl over two years ago. She was everything I was looking for in a girl and I chased her for a year and a half. And in a time where everything in my life seemed to be going downhill, she developed a thing for me. We started dating before I was to move away. We knew what we were getting into but we both saw it as worth it. She broke it off way before I left. That broke me down hard, but I understood it was because I was moving. So time passes and I move back to the same city as her. She doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. I don't know what I did. She won't say and she lied saying she didn't know I was in town over the summer. Then I caught her in a lie about that. As much as that hurt, I've never been happier than with her. I didn't hide any part of who I was when I was around her. I hide some parts about myself with my best friends. But with her I felt so comfortable and happy. I still want her back but I feel like I just shouldn't talk to her again and man that hurts more.
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self.offmychest
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Want to kill myself to get back at ex clinician so long story short I've been to alot of hospitals for different reasons but my last group home I thought was going to be different. I got really close to my clinician there (Laura) and to all the staff and I thought they were different and cared about me but they proved they don't. My clinician fucked me over and although I have a great therapist right now who I like I'm still upset over my ex clinician. All the therapists before her fucked me up (except one who was sick and passed away but that wasn't *exactly* her fault) and the inpatient clinicians you could tell didn't give a shit, but Laura did. She was different. Until she sided with a staff who sexually assaulted me and refused to believe my side of the story.
I'm really suicidal rn though and I can't help but want to go to the group home when she's there and kill my self in front of her. Or if I can't find a gun I'll just jump off a building but call her first to tell her how badly she messed me up pretending to care and be different from all the others when really she's exactly the same. I want Laura to feel my pain and to understand how what she did effected me. I want them all to feel terrible. Before I do it I'm going to write a note and send it to the group home in the mail and explain how they made me worse and I'm going to send it to their company too and everyone I know so they'll know the truth. FUCK THE SYSTEM it only helps the people working in it feel better about themselves not the people who actually have to go through it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." (quote by Marcus Aurelius)
This quote has helped me through some hard times. I hope it makes your life a little bit easier to bear. :)
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self.bipolar
|
What was it like when you developed bipolar? I think i'm developing bipolar disorder after spending the past 5 years mildly depressed. Two months ago i think i had my first "hypomanic" epsiode where i obsessed over school work for about a week, and then crashed back into my normal depression. Then last week i think i had my second episode. I had most of the typical hypomanic symptoms, such as increased self esteem, feeling like nothing has consequences, being really productive and happy, ect. Then this week i have been the most depressed i have ever felt.
So, when you developed bipolar disorder, was it gradual like this? Or did you jump directly into a manic episode?
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self.bipolar
|
The world is falling Every day I feel like the world is passing me by and I’m not fast enough to keep up. I had to withdraw from this semester of college because my attendance was too bad and I recently started receiving ECT treatment. I’ve been on 12-16 different medications since like 2011 and I’ve recently started cutting again. Im 1 week and 2 days clean. I’m schizoaffective, depressive type and my depression is getting really bad. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to do anything but lie in bed and sleep. Except I have insomnia so it’s more like lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. My parents are wildly mad that I had to take semester off and are threatening to stop financial support, and I can’t work due to the severity of my depression, and they are also considering kicking me off their insurance. This is bad not only for my psychiatric meds, but I’m a type 1 diabetic and insulin is really expensive. Everything just seems to be piling up really quickly and I feel so helpless against it all... I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Maybe a friend? Maybe someone to tell me they’ve been through the same?
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self.depression
|
Tired of living in fear My life is just a long sad list of things I've never done or experienced. I've never been to a party, never had a relationship, never gotten drunk or high, never been to a club, never even gone out for a whole night doing whatever.
I live my life like a scared little girl who's too terrified to interact with people or try anything new. And I'm tired of feeling this way every day. I told myself if things don't get better by the time I'm 30, I'm just going to end it. I figure if things don't get better by then, there's no hope anyway.
I've been on 4 different antidepressants and they've all failed. I've tried talk therapy, CBT, exercise, mindfulness, yoga (ha, I know), even freaking hypnosis and nothing has really given me any relief from my symptoms. And these latest antidepressants have me thinking about suicide on a daily basis so that's been fun.
I just feel very alone right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I thought I was happy but I not sure Let me start this off by saying I'm a 19 year old white male, almost 20, finished up my first semester of my sophomore year in college.
In highschool I had lots of friends, my mom always described me as "outgoing" and that I "never had any trouble making friends"
That's when I came to college. When I came freshman year I made friends with the people I lived with and some of their friends, but that's it really. I've tried rushing a frat, twice, to no avail and the club that I am a part of is massive and any party they have gets shut down in 15 minutes, if I can even convince myself to go.
I spend a good 30-45 minutes awake in bed each morning just trying to find a reason to get up, and another 30-45 at night trying to get myself to fall asleep.
I've never told anybody about this as it started pretty recently, but I guess I'm just a little scared, confused, and lost and figured this may be a good place to post.
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self.depression
|
Be careful to who you tell about your depression. Not everyone understands it, especially people who hasn't had it before they don't understand it and take it as if it's just normal "feelings". You won't get any good advise from them and maybe they will just say stupid shit like "punch that depression in the face" or worse they will blame you for your depression. Only tell people who you can trust with knowing it otherwise you're better off keeping it a secret and finding someone like a therapist who you can trust.
Edit: I made this post because It was too hard to hide my depression from my friend and he asked me what's wrong I don't seem alright. He sort of already knew about it but I never confirmed it. He then said he doesn't like it and hates to deal with me like this. I can understand why he feels that way but it's really not something to say to a depressed person. I replied to him: "do you think I enjoy feeling this way?" Then he started laughing a bit and said I should rather stop talking as if he is saying I'm choosing to feel depressed. It really pissed me off and made me feel worse and I was hoping that talking to him about it will help me, but he clearly has no idea what he was talking about.
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self.depression
|
weight gain & bipolar heelllloooooooo. wondering if anyone has dealt with this.
i was fit throughout my twenties. undiagnosed, but hypomanic during a lot of that era, and a little compulsive about diet and exercise. over the past year and a half, i slipped into a major depressive fog. (i am 30 now). i wasn't working. i stopped socializing. i just... existed. breathed. ordered takeout. drained a savings account. watched netflix. stared at my phone. that's it. literally. i didn't do anything else. needless to say, that lifestyle took its toll on my body. even in a year's time i hardly recognize myself. i look heavy, uncomfortable, bloated, tired. my clothes don't fit. at all. AT ALL. i avoid mirrors. my posture is terrible. it's a significant change and it's really defeating.
i am finally out of the fog, taking meds, seeing a therapist. things are getting a lot better in my brain. but now i am dealing with the physical consequences and it's just overwhelming. i'd say i've gained 20lbs in one year. possibly 30. i want to turn it around but i've never had this happen before and don't even know where to begin.
has anyone gone through this? <3
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self.bipolar
|
Still here, another vent outlet post Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. It's all gone to shit, everything is a fucking mess.
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self.depression
|
You know how some people have first aid kits, earthquakes kits, etc.? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Might kill myself So I have been thinking about killing myself if things don’t start to get better in my life
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self.depression
|
"Blow Up The Outside World" is my anthem I don't even know how or where to start but I NEED to get a lot off my chest.
My ideal life has always been to have a happy family. But I'm a very shy person, and never really liked the social scene. It makes it really hard to meet new people, but by a stroke of luck i met the most amazing girl back on September 30 2001(i was 18). We quickly fell in love, had a daughter, and got married. I thought we were a match made in heaven. I loved my life, i had everything i ever wanted. She made me want to be the best person i could be. I love this woman with every fiber of my being, but in early 2007 we hit our first road bump. She said she was unhappy and wanted a divorce. I tried everything to repair our marriage. I spent thousands of dollars on couples counseling, therapy, and spent every waking moment trying to resolve our issues. I found out 6 months into or troubles that she was sneaking around behind my back and sleeping with an old friend of hers from school(while we were still married). Even with that being the case, i still tried to fix our relationship because all i ever wanted was a complete family and for her to be happy. I guess her mind was made up though, because right after new years 2008 she gave me divorce papers. I love her and didn't want to fight it and cause her anymore stress so i signed the divorce papers bawling like a baby. The divorce was pretty much a 50/50 split but i let her take everything but our daughter and my PC, again because all i wanted was for her to be happy. Hell, i didn't even ask for child support even though i did everything for our daughter. I still tried to talk to her and let her know she was still very much loved, but soon after the divorce she remarried to the guy she cheated on me with. So, for the last 10 years i have been alone with just me and my daughter. I've tried to meet new women but i can't seem to find anyone that wants to be with me for more than a couple dates. I think it's because my depression, but i don't know. I haven't even had sex since 2007. I've tried apps and going to bars, but i don't drink alcohol so i feel awkward. I'm tired of being alone. I was raised by my grandparents and they have since passed on. I have NOBODY in my life that loves me besides my daughter. I want to find someone that can love me and my little girl as much as i could love them, but @ 35 years old it's beginning to feel impossible. Why won't anyone love me back? What is wrong with me? How can i find someone to love? I'm scared of dying alone. I'm worried my heart will remain broken till my death. I'm not a bad guy. I work very hard to make sure my daughter is happy, but without a proper mother figure i fear her life will mirror mine, and honestly if it wasn't for her i would've bitten the bullet years ago. She is all i have left. No siblings, no parents, no cousins or in-laws. I have nobody...
I don't expect there is much(if anything at all) anyone can do for me here, but i want my story to be known.
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self.depression
|
I did it...i got off my ass and went for a long walk! And it was great! So for the last couple of years I've become less and less active, mainly due to finding myself a lone parent with zero free time and zero money. Also the local pool closed down so I could no longer go swimming, and my ex kept my dog and I can't own one now I'm in rented housing...so a lot conspired to make sedentary life creep up on me.(sort of, I still walk at least an hour a day as I have no car)
Anxiety had been creeping in. Then the more wired and hypersensitive I become, the more depressed I feel. It's a viscous cycle.
Today I got home from work and I'd had a busy day. But forced myself to take my youngest for a long walk. She's very energetic and chatty so it just made it easier. If already walked 4 miles during the day and we walked another three. Tomorrow I'm going to do a longer walk and build it up.
Walking definitely helps anxiety! It's just sometimes hard to get motivated enough to get out..
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self.Anxiety
|
I abused my family's dog in the past and I feel like scum. I am scum. We've got 3 small dogs. Ankle biters that are all very destructive and can be violent. I love them and this fucking kills me and I'm a terrible person and I need to type this out and get it over with. I was in charge of walking my gramma's dog until we got our fence put up. I'd walk him around the block and the yard 4 or 5 times a day, no big deal, but he always had to try to be the alpha in the neighborhood and would bark at other dogs, drag me into the street, pee on the neighbor's plants, bite if you tried to stop him from fighting with another dog. All on a leash.
Well one time my gramma had been riding my ass about something. that's putting it lightly. She had been yelling at me and hitting me throughout the day and I'm not allowed to defend myself. I was already suicidal and depressed and I know that isn't an excuse. She told me to go walk the dog and I did in the yard. We had been outside for 30 minutes and he broke loose. Ran after a cat and took the leash with him.
Somehow I caught him (the cat was ok) and I carried him back to the house but once I got to the back door I put him down so I could open the door and he sat and growled at me and I picked him up by the leash and just glared at him. I held the dog up by his leash, attached to a collar on his neck. I might as well have choked him! You know that scene in BraveHeart where Brooks is being kind of hung? They put the rope around his neck and like, pull him off the ground, kinda suspending him. Like that, but no flopping around or struggling or changing colors or fainting. The dog just took it. And I told him I hated him. And for a week after that, anytime he did anything similar on our walks, I wouldn't hesitate to yell at him. I never did the leash thing again.
I'd yell at him for humping the cat, ripping up paper, anything I'd normally scold him for (a stern "no") turned into yelling. And he would cower and walk away with his tail under his butt and hide from me. The other two dogs, I would yell at them too. They were more violent so a stern "no" didn't work most of the time. If I was mad, I'd just raise my hand and they'd cower. My own dog, o my god, I wouldn't even pet my own when I first got him 5 years ago. He tried to bite my hand off so I left our owner-dog relationship alone. I wouldn't touch him or look at him unless it was to bathe him or when he slept with me at night. The rest of the family made up for it but o my god what am I?! No wonder he hated me, he went from one abusive owner to another!
O my god I am a horrible person! That was all about a year ago and since then I haven't even thought about that but knowing that I did that makes me feel like shit! I thought writing this would give me some relief but nothing. I love all of them and take such good care of all 3 of them and I'm much more affectionate with them, I don't yell or hit or deny them attention. The last time I had to break up a fight between the two youngest I just yelled stop it and they scurried away. I just feel like scum. Tell me the dog forgave me, please tell me he didn't hate me for it, tell me I'm going to hell, just idk, I'm a horrible person reddit :(
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self.offmychest
|
Biggest fear of having bipolar Does anyone else sometimes feel like you have two people inside you in a way. I have my stable self, she thinks rationally, she knows not to kill herself or blow a couple grand on random stuff. Then I have my not stable side, and she thinks she knows everything, it's all absolutes and black and white, the mania will last forever but then again ,so will the depression in her mind.
I spend a lot of time scared shitless at the fact that one day I will have another episode and when that happens, my stable self is gone.
I'm terrified that "she's" going to kill me. ( if that makes sense). Kill me, give me more scars, ruin my friendships and life.
It's almost like I fear the mind control and possession that bipolar creates and that it's just going to get worse until my normal self fades away.
Any body else feel like This ?
I was thinking of writing letters to my unstable self, or making videos so I could at least have some persuasion. Idk
Apologies for my rant lol , if anyone feels similar I'd love to chat about it since I have no one else to relate too on this, shoot me a message :)
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self.bipolar
|
Not going to kill myself, but I still have a death wish Today it finally happened. I ran out of my last money. I literally don't have enough money to pay for food. I am having financial troubles for a half year now. While I'm still at school, I do a side job to pay for my study. But that employer doesn't have work for me anymore. I have to quit. I'm probably gonna fail school and a couple of months ago I let go all my relatives. Today I have like 2 or 3 friends, but none of them are the type of friends that can borrow me anything. I literally don't know what to do anymore.
Wish a burglar would just walk in and shoot me in the head. Or a car would just run me over. I don't have the power on my side. I don't feel any love from this world. I have a belt lying beside me, but I can't bring myself to wrap it around my neck. I still have dreams, but I don't know how I can survive from here on.
My only wish is that I could escape to place where there is no one. Where I could be me and enjoy my usual stuff like music and anime, where I don't have to perform to get a decent salary, where I can just live.
What should I do
|
self.depression
|
Can someone help me out? 15 year old here. I feel like i'm going no where in life. All my friends are talking about which colleges they want to go to, what they're doing after highschool etc. And I'm not even sure which career I want to pursue. I don't even feel like i'll graduate. Now, i'm not a bad student. But i keep repeatedly failing my math exams (which are required to graduate, so i have to retake it until i pass. Im due to take it again tomorrow). I cant help but think i'm an idiot. I dont see my life really going anywhere, no matter which perspective i look at it from, i only see myself as homeless, in highschool till im 20 or dead. I try to put effort into studying and school work, but i never actually end up doing it. I dont know what to do anymore. I want to amount to something and make my family proud. But at the rate im going I cant. Everyone is relying on me to be the first graduate in my family, and it's so difficult. I have always wanted to become a musician or a writer or a forensic detective. But it seems like the odds are stacked against me. I dont know what to do. All of this on my mind 24/7 doesn't help my health at all either. Any tips are appreciated. Thanks.
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self.depression
|
I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Holidays are going to suck Normally I love this time of year. From Halloween to New Years is so magical to me and I always have everything planned out and I'm excited. Not this year.
My dad passed away suddenly in September and everything has spiraled from there. Thanksgiving is this week and I have no plans, no motivation. Christmas is coming and I have no desire to find presents (my favorite thing in the world)
I'm so sucked into the grief that I've completely shut down, even got fired from my job because I can't function anymore.
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self.offmychest
|
Getting treatment today for the first time in year... I forced myself into treatment yesterday for an outpatient program. I had prior trauma from inpatient treatment when I was younger so it was difficult to agree to it. But I'm doing it and hoping things will get better. Wish me luck!
|
self.depression
|
Day 5 - Celexa to Lexapro Yesterday was really interesting.
* Deep untangled depression with suicidal thoughts.
* Spent most of the day on the couch.
* Work was a good distraction.
* Still dry heaving in the morning. Figured maybe I should leave Gravol beside my bed for when I wake up. Didn't really work that well this morning but whatever
* CBD Oil has been a blessing. Sort of brings me to a level that's more easily tangible with anxiety.
* Feeling more alone than normal, even though I've got a great roommate, cat, and girlfriend.
* Still find my appetite is suffering. Smells kinda bother me.
What thing I realized yesterday was how important routine is. Ever since I took a record deal and made a butt load of money, I felt like my health suffered in correlation. From making croissants everyday, to living in my studio has been really bizarre.
Update coming tomorrow!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Slowly accepting the fact that I may never be successful trying to date like a "normie". Today, I'm really sick of being bipolar. Got stood up for my first date in 8 months week before last. That wasn't the end of the world, but was frustrating. Had a different date of Friday, and I was very anxious so I showed up early to get a feel for the place and sit and do breathing exercises for a while to calm myself. The date went GREAT! (or so I thought) We went to Capitol (PDX), which recently opened. Unfortunately, my excitement turned to mania, and with mania comes compulsive honesty and oversharing (BPD&OCD), so she heard all about my bipolar on our first date, which I've been repeatedly told is not first date conversation material. It's so frustrating because we BOTH seemed to have a really good time! I thought we clicked. And yet, no text back the next day. Who knows, maybe she'll still text back, but I kind of doubt it. The worst part, since Ive been getting to know my BPD better, I can feel it today, these sorts of excitements or disappointments can trigger a long term bout of mania or depression. The first boards of new siding on my house going up and looking amazing got me manic for a few months. I can already feel that this tiny rejection is putting me into a bout of depression. Hopefully I'm wrong. These are the days I just want to give up and really focus on a long term strategy for happiness as a single person. How does everyone here handle dating and informing the other party of your diagnosis?
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self.bipolar
|
Don’t know how to handle this My husband is in a bad way, and our depression/anxiety feeds off each other pretty badly.
We just moved about 6 weeks ago, half a continent away from friends and family so we’ve lost some of our support network and have all the new that just kind of grates since we’re not comfortable here yet.
We misjudged the traffic, so his drive is way worse than we were expecting. His new office/position is also severely overworked and micromanaged. Plus he tends to be super negative. He came home last monday saying he can’t keep living like this.
Today i was expecting him to be grumpy anyway, but then a massive train crash shut down a highway south of us. (Dupont WA) I’m only providing this detail in case others know local ways that might help his commute from near the Ikea into SE Tacoma.
I’m fighting panic attacks/depression from dealing with him. Its hard to be happy when your partner is in such a bad way. Weed normally helps him, but he’s staying sober, pending a job opening at my company that we’re hoping will be going up any day now. He doesn’t drink alcohol - that leads down a bad road for both of us. I smoke weed, but it really doesn’t help this.
I’m trying to figure out how to support him, while at the same time having an emotional wall to keep me from losing it, and adding to his issues. I’m not super comfortable talking to my parents about this because my mom has her own problems I don’t want to add to, and dad’s stressed about her.
I’ll have moments where I can be content or enjoy myself, but then I go back to dealing with /worrying about him. I’m just kind of lost, and the stress is getting to me and killing my appetite. He won’t try going to a doc to up/change his antidepressant, and we don’t have time for therapy - his commute basically means a 55+ hour work week for him and neither of us can handle that kind of workload - we’re too introverted.
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self.depression
|
Looking for advice on dealing with a specific set of feelings (possible triggers) [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My friends and family save my life every day. Many on hear want to end it and fear death. I don’t. I fantasize about it when I fall asleep. I tempt it in my actions. Motorcycle crashes, violent encounters in dangerous places abroad, even an avalanche while mountaineering alone. It’s remarkable I’m still alive.
But the reason I never could do it, is because of the amazing people in my life. They’ve given me so much. They all think I’m such a fun person with the perfect life. Most importantly they all give me support whenever I ask. My death from any above circumstances would surprise no one, but by suicide most certainly would.
I resist so as to not be selfish. How could I do that to them after everything they’ve done for me? My mind has destroyed my happiness, and I’ll fight until my last breath for it not to take down anyone else.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
To the girl who was raped by Chester Bennington.. You made a throw away account, you made your statement, and then you got bombarded with hate mail. I can only imagine what was sent to you.
But please believe me, there are some of us who believe you.
I'm sorry on behalf of the good, unbiased, and critical thinking humans on this planet for all the hate mail and negative energy you received for telling us your story.
Some of us truly believe you. I know we couldn't stop you from deleting your account or your post, but there are people who believe you.
I hope you find peace from your experience and I hope you find peace after the backlash of speaking out. You're right, this experience is exactly why we, both men and women, don't speak out.
I am so very sorry for your experience and for anyone else who has to deal with this shit.
E1: Some people are claiming the story was copypasta and yet, no one has come forward with the original.
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self.offmychest
|
I just need to know what my options are I need some help, and I don't know what to do. I've tried so many things and my options are limited.
I've tried multiple forms of therapy (in home, in office, online, inpatient program). None worked, and I wouldn't be able to afford any of them now anyways.
I've tried free online help sites like 7 cups of tea and they just leave me feeling worse than I started.
I've tried meditation and felt myself panicking harder.
I've tried recreational marijuana but the effects can be sporadic (and I can't just light up anytime/anywhere).
I've been on as-needed prescription meds but they stopped to working after awhile (I think they're just sugar pills, to be honest).
I just don't know what to do here. Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning freaking out for no solid reason. I have dreams that completely ruin mornings for me. I sleep just fine most nights, I get my 8 hours. I've had to pull over in my car numerous times because I was hyperventilating so hard I thought I would pass out if I kept driving.
When I was younger I used to draw, which kept me calm. But I can't do that now. I can't draw at my desk at work (it's against company policy to have any pens/paper out), and I certainly can't draw in the car. And I don't have enough time to in the mornings before work (I've tried waking up early so I could clean or work out before work, but it usually fails. I'm typically too tired). Taking a bath used to calm me down, but I don't have a bathtub anymore since I moved.
I feel like I'm out of options and I'm just better off living under a bridge. What can I do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Im always told 'suicide is selfish' How can i make it easier for my mum? She'll be heartbroken but it's not something I can put off any longer.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm Going To Kill Myself I can't fucking take it anymore. You know what makes me so sure that I should do it? The fact that no one would find me until my body smelt bad enough. I think I'm going to live stream it if anyone wants to watch.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Ringing in ears Just wondering if anyone else has a constant ringing in their ears? I have bipolar ll and was wondering if this is common.
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self.bipolar
|
My Best Friend Died She was the my best friend. Someone I was with every day and trusted. I don't like trusting people but we became friends almost instantly after she moved in. She died on Xmas eve and I haven't been ok since. She made me happy for the first time that I can remember. She made me value life after she stopped me from killing myself. Now I feel like I'm back to where I was before I met her. I just want to die now that she's gone and I don't know how many more days I can get through.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate my life I just do. I am not saying it to look for attention or get anything out of it but just to state a fact that I hate my life.
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self.offmychest
|
I don't want to be so lonely anymore... Yeesh I've been this way for so fucking long. I can't take it anymore I just distract myself with piano or writing code till my hands hurt, then when I'm finally left with my thoughts I wonder why a fucker like me keeps trying so fucking hard, because I think I'm smart? I don't even fucking know how in 19 years I haven't been able to keep a close friend, no I kinda know bullying/rejection has fucked me up pretty hard. I start uni next year, but I don't even want to go its just going to be the same shit as highschool most likely, why the fuck do I have to even try it out, coz my therapist says it'll be different after all this time? The only things I like are music, videogames and food I guess all the rest of it sucks, I'm just stuck in my house all day trying to forget shit. Wtf do I even do how tf do u make friends without first having any? Meetup.com is mostly just alot of people older than me (atleast for my interests), so where do I turn??? ek hope I just get the guts to get out of here soon, fuck this.
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self.depression
|
Ruining Things Before They Even Begin I’m supposed to be happy. Despite being in an abusive situation, I’ve actually done a pretty good job keeping my shit together. I have a big event coming up, a promising future, reconciled with close friends in college, a potential lover who might actually treat me right, but as long as I’m in this abusive situation, everything’s pretty much being shot down. I’m scared that everything will go downhill either because of the manipulation I have to deal with or because I might turn out like my abuser.
For the first time in a long time, I am willing to leave all this shit behind to get my life back. But I might lose these things before I even get a chance to really pour my heart into it. It...really feels like shit.
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self.depression
|
Lost Soul I am slowly going blind (no I'm not joking here... if you really want to get into specifics, PM me I like talking about it.) but that's not why I'm depressed!! For the last 25 years of my life (I'm 33 now) I have been depressed. Up to about the age of 10 I can remember feeling connected to the people around me, especially those who were important to me. Then something biological, environmental, or some sort of combination of both shut off the ability for me to feel connected to people. I became very socially shy and secluded except for the very select few friends i had at the time. I chose to get lost in video games around that time and they still serve as one of my "friends' that has always understood me, never judged me, just gave me a path to feel at peace with life. So I battled this "connectedness problem" head on. I worked hard and became a corporate trainer. I conquered my social anxiety and became a better socializer, but to this day I feel no joy or connectedness to anyone whom I speak with... sadly... not even my closest of family. i love my family... I "know" and am "certain" of this... but my heart yearns for that emotional connection I can so distinctly remember feeling from when I was a kid. That being said not being able to feel connected to anyone around me has caused an unending depression inside of me. Every day is just a gray day... It's not terrible but it's not good either. Now I literally spend my days playing video games and could care less to leave my house for weeks on end until I can no longer see well enough to play them. Yeah it sucks going blind big time and if I was handed the cure tomorrow, I would be very thankful and appreciative that my life wouldn't be so difficult... but you know what...? I would still have this depression if my eye sight remained in tact... because I still wouldn't be able to connect to people. If you are still reading thanks... I'm not really what to expect from doing this.. honestly my expectation is that nothing will happen. I just feel sad knowing my life is passing by me in an invisible prison that no one else can see, hear, touch, or really understand but me. honestly I'm not sure what to do but just try to be a good person to those around me. The best way I can describe this is your eyes allow you to see the world around you... the last thing I want is to go blind but if I could choose to feel emotionally connected to the world around me again or keep my eye sight... I would definitely choose to feel emotionally connected again. Peace be with all of you.
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self.depression
|
The Never-Ending Debate: Should bipolar people smoke weed? I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse on this thread recently as to whether or not bipolar individuals should smoke weed, but in my opinion, the discussion has been too anecdotal and biased to really get a clear picture on what the “right answer” is. So who gets to decide whether or not you should smoke?
Short Answer: Yourself.
Longer Answer: You know yourself better than anyone on this thread does. You know your symptoms, your BP type, your habits, your schedule, and your history more than anyone else.
Conclusive evidence as to whether or not cannabis is good or bad isn’t something just any scientific article can give you. Extensive research will be your best bet to forming a solid, well-read opinion of this treatment option. Cannabis affects everyone differently, in the same vein that prescribed medications affect everyone differently. In some people, cannabis induces psychosis, panic attacks, and extreme paranoia and makes bipolar symptoms worse. In others, it has soothed anxiety and mood disorders, seizures, and even complications caused by life-threatening or terminal illnesses in some patients.
What we as a community should do is recognize how we can never be 100% sure how any one person will be affected by any one substance, and instead encourage one another to educate ourselves about usage, dosage, and safety. Cannabis can be immensely beneficial, but it can also make symptoms worse. Knowing your body and mental state is key to knowing if cannabis is a good mental health coping/medicating solution for you. TALK TO YOUR DOCTORS! They’ll be able to give you better insight as to whether or not cannabis can help you as well.
TL;DR: Instead of telling patients or those interested that it will only make their condition worse/isn’t good for them, let’s foster a community of support in which we encourage our friends to make wise and safe decisions for their body and mental health. It’ll help so many more people in the long run.
Note: For context, I am a daily smoker myself and have found it to be beneficial for managing both my manic and depressive episodes, as well as my PTSD and Panic Disorder.
EDIT: THIS APPLIES TO LEGAL US STATES & LEGAL COUNTRIES. Don’t get yourself in trouble!
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self.bipolar
|
Concerta or other ADD/ADHD meds with anxiety So I started taking concerta last august for school and at the time my anxiety was under control and it was great. At the end of the day though for just maybe a week it made my anxiety bad at night but then it went away. But after that was great. I then stopped taking it after like 3 months or so because I felt the dosage wasn’t doing anything anymore. But just recently about a month ago my anxiety got really really bad again and it was bad, then with and anxiety I became aware of eye floaters and stuff like that and it’s been extremely annoying. But has anyone with super bad anxiety taken concerta or any other ADD meds and had any luck with it? I mean i’ve definitely has luck with concerta in the past but it’s just been when my anxiety was under control and not bad.
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self.Anxiety
|
Am I the only one who experiences ADHD-like symptoms? I'm getting really confused about something. I have obvious damage to my frontal lobe, to the executive functioning of my brain. This is observed as severe memory problems and severe concentration deficiencies. To the point where it interferes with my daily life and is a stress in my relationship.
I have been trying to get diagnosed with ADHD for years, but except one psychiatrist who tested me "off the record", nobody has given me the diagnosis. Since I was diagnosed with BP 5 yrs ago, they just say it's a result of BP. I did some research and discovered that executive functions are damaged by manic and depressive episodes. So I buckled down and have become more stable.
But I still face the same problems. I am learning coping methods, but guess where I have to go for these skills training....to ADHD sites. Few in the BP world seems to be dealing with this to the extent that I am, or at least isn't complaining about it. Do none of you have memory and concentration issues?
My sister who was diagnosed with BP not too long after me was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I don't know whether to believe my doctor that someone with BP just gets mixed up with ADHD or my sister's doctor, that it's possible to have both. Regardless, it doesn't change he fact that ADHD meds can be harmful for people with BP.
Why do I care so much? I'm absolutely frustrated with how my brain works. I often feel mentally retarded and slow. I embarrass myself around friends, when I didn't hear half of the convo and then ask a question that sounds dumb because I didn't listen. I'm tired of the speech issues. I'm tired of failing my gf's expectations, and then trying to show her that it's my BP disorder, but finding little to no proof of that. The only thing that helps explain my case is ADHD materials.
What does this mean?
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self.bipolar
|
I want to fucking die I want to fucking die, my mom is a hoe, she put this damned my circle shit on my computer so she blocked youtube twitter and all proxy websites, and i use this site called saveinmp3.com, and i use it to watch youtube videos, i just click the edit file further button so i don't have to actually download the video, (also there's a mp4 option) now, when i want to watch livestreams or just long videos in general, I can't, and i want to fucking slit my throat because there are 7 videos i want to watch that are really fucking long, and I can't watch them, other "save video in mp4" websites don't work, if you can suggest me a new one, that would be kindly appreciated, because i want to die and i have my death planned out, thanks for listening to me bitch out on my life, sorry for wasting your time, but if I'm lucky, I won't have to ruin anyone's time anymore, because heavan probably doesn't have cellular service, but since I'll go to hell for suiciding, yall are still gonna be fucked, anyways life is shit and so am I
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self.SuicideWatch
|
a question to people who have overcome anxiety does it ever pop back into your head?
are you able to control the thoughts?
what was it that helped you feel freed from the constant weight of worries and "what ifs"?
is it still an everyday battle, only it got easier?
i'm a 23m and i've had insecurities and anxiety stemming from my first good relationship. i'm in love with this girl and i don't want to ruin it with this anxiety, which reacts negatively on me having anxiety in the first place lol fuck me, right?
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self.Anxiety
|
One person is all it would take And I would be over my depression
Yet her I am, alone, sad and unable to leave the house.
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self.depression
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I'm worried because I was diagnosed with depression only [deleted]
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self.depression
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Christmas dinner. I'm having a really hard time right now. Just need somewhere to vocalize or I feel like I'm going to start something I can't handle. This is the first Christmas I've spent and my mother's new fiance's house with his sister and his mother. It was awkward, and I was forced to eat more than I ever would, and it is hardcore triggering my eating disorder. I ate what I was comfortable with (doesn't help I also don't like eating in front of strangers) and his damn sister kept putting more food on my plate jokingly and because of my intense need to be polite, I ate it anyway. My mother was too busy with him to notice. Now I'm home and it's taking everything in me not to purge because I feel horrendous. I feel dirty and I want to scream and never step foot in that house again. It's not something everyone understands, but I'm home alone and my self control has been plummeting recently. And all my roommates are gone for at least a week.
Merry fucking Christmas.
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self.offmychest
|
When all is hopeless how do you keep going? I'm really struggling with money at the moment. I'm so poor and I feel trapped by it. Also, with the looming threat of environmental annihilation and complete and utter economic disaster (UK, Brexit, blah, blah).
I've also injured my shoulder so can't do my exercises.
It's all too much.
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self.depression
|
My mom is the only reason I'm still alive. I'm not a suicidal person. I'm just a person who gets tired of trying to be strong enough to go on. It comes in waves from time to time. Sometimes I'll be super happy and confident that my life is headed in the right direction. But other times, I'll feel such crippling loneliness and sadness. It's so strong sometimes that all I can say to myself is, "I'm tired. I'm just so..... tired." Emotionally exhausted and fed up. Tired of putting on a brave face. Sick of not being able to talk to anyone and tell them how I really feel on the inside. I've become the master of masks. My family doesn't know how much I struggle sometimes. The people at my church have no clue. I just don't know how to talk about it with anyone in my inner circle for fear of them pitying me or worse, becoming uncomfortable around me. Many times I have wished I could just stop existing. The idea of killing myself doesn't really scare me except for when it comes to my mom. I know it would absolutely destroy her, and I couldn't do that to her. Not in a million years. Everyone else? I wouldn't care about hurting. My dad. My brother. My other friends and family. My church. I wouldn't care about how any of them felt about me being gone. But my mom is a different story. I love her too much to do that to her. Which is why my mom is the only reason I'm still alive.
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self.depression
|
depression has been really bad lately, can't eat at all? any advice? i'll spare y'all the details, but basically depression has been kicking my ass for the past two months. for about a ~week now i literally have *not* been able to eat anything. i'm not ever hungry. at all. and whenever i try to eat i literally *cannot* stomach it, so i truly just have not eaten any food all week.. it makes me feel so sick/nauseous to try and eat even the smallest things. does anyone have any advice on how to combat this? not being able to eat is definitely *not* helping me at this point in time...
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self.depression
|
I can see this vein in my inner thigh and i want to cut it and die Will it work? I tried to die before, from pills, and that didn't work so-
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How to function properly when you realize there's no such thing as life? I'm depressed but I have no sad story to tell (just an uneventful one). I fail at everything and turn everyone down mostly because I was tormented for years by the absurdity of it all. I don't care if me dying will affect anyone. Someone's "recovery from depression" doesn't concern me neither. We're just complex preprogrammed machines creating illusions to survive and reproduce, to seek pleasure according to the program. We're part of the universe and shit, cool, so what? It's not even about the pain anymore. Why keep going when life doesn't exist? But if I do stay for a while, how do I even function properly when I'm stuck with this in mind?
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self.depression
|
Does anyone feel dumber/slower when experiencing depressive episodes? Whenever I have depressive episode (I have chronic depression) I find myself unable to think clearly and my speech becomes slower.
I’m am alright student, but whenever I get like this school becomes so hard. Yesterday I had to write two paragraphs for a discussion post and I couldn’t even think properly, so I gave up. Today I feel fine and wrote it in like 5 minutes.
Is there a name for this condition? Does anyone else experience it?
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self.depression
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Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I’ll find anyone [21m] [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My dad said he would never accept his children if they were to be gay. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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For the first time I actually considered giving up today [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Very Violent Intrusive Thoughts I keep having these thoughts and urges of wanting to go gun blazing or something to people. My brain keeps saying I won't be fully happy until I do those horrendous things. I would and could never do these things, how do I make these urges go away. It just keeps saying "aye you can't be happy until its done" HELP PLEASE
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self.Anxiety
|
We're probably walking past a lot of people with anxiety that don't "act" like it [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I can't find work because the responsibility kills me with anxiety. I'm tired of ruining my life, help. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Today I feel so blah I don't know what it is.Maybe its the fact that my state has a short winter & the humidity is already rising.Maybe its the fact that I'm 30 yrs old & have no house,no rich husband & no savings in the bank.At least I haven't had kids I can't afford.Maybe its the fact that if I'm not successful in my lawsuit against SAG AFTRA concerning a fradulent application in my name,I can't be Taft Hartley-ed into the union.Maybe its the fact that If I can't become SAG I can't work as a professional actor with a living wage.
Its a lot of things but today I woke up,took my anti-anxiety & anti-depressant medications & realized that I fell so cold inside.I didn't want to get out of bed.That is the first sign of deep depression,I think.But its not the weather.Its the fact that its 2018 & I'm still a lifetime loser.My mother is blind in one eye & a narcissist.My mother wants me to live with her until she dies.My father has never worked because of paranoid schizophrenia & talks endlessly about religion....nothing.One brother has been in prison for 10 yrs on an armed robbery charge.I send him money because noone else will.That includes my Aunt who sees my father as trash & his childrena s an extension of him.My youngest brother caused so much hell in 2017 with his girlfriend at my parents place that my Mother's landlord refused to renew her lease.My mother moved to NC partly because of cheaper rent & to get away from my violent youngest brother.
I do not have a handout mentality.I know nothing is free in this world.I just want to be a starving artist & enjoy life.I don't care about much because my parents raised me in poverty.I never had the option of choice.Well now I do but I still am not SAG eligible & if I can't join SAG AFTRA my life is over.My local Superior Court gave me a 2019 court date!I can't afford an attorney to help me with this so I don't know if I should mediate or let it go to trial.
The learning disability lady at my community college wont test anyone until FALL 2018!Guess I won't get testing this year.No.....I can't afford to pay for it.No.......the Regional Center doesn't test for that,only developmental (Autism,Aspergers).I've been screwed all my life so this isn't anything new.
Maybe I'm experiencing a high fructose corn syrup withdrawal.I ran out of food a few days ago.I should be getting my SNAP benefits in a few days.
Right now I just feel so blah....like it wouldn't bother me much if I died today.At least my mother would stop all that nagging.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Should I continue effexor? I took the first pill today, well a small piece of the pill maybe 18mg.. it actually hit me pretty good. I've been feeling light headed all day.. Had some light burning sensation on arms. Sweaty, ice cold feet. also have been nodding off randomly.
Nothing too crazy, though again, small dose. I'm just scared of the withdrawal effects everyone talks about. Both while forgetting a dose and coming off the pill.
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self.depression
|
Feeling guilty for needing sedatives? It's been a little while since I needed to take my "emergency" medication when my panic attacks pass a certain point and when I took it I felt like all my hard work so far in defeating my anxiety was for nothing. Anyone have tips on motivation and self love when it comes to this point?
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self.Anxiety
|
Running out of reasons to live I'll just try to make it short (and fail trying) My problem isn't worth really mentioning, I'm a privileged little shit that doesn't have it nearly as bad as most folks here, I even have a supporting girlfriend from a long distance who is also very anxious and depressed. But it helps a little to write it out somewhere. I've graduated from high school around nearly 3 years ago at this point. I'm 20 years old, highly anxious and I've always felt like a dissapointment to my family in every single way imaginable. I barely passed high school, and I hated myself for falling behind and ever since then it's been going down hill with me feeling like a piece of shit for not being where everyone else is. I didn't apply for any colleges right after high school, I didn't make any plans, for some reason I felt like my life was going to be over after high school. I was never thinking about the future but more so the next day. I put off working for quite some time. The thought of standing there socializing or handling money gets my nerves all riled up so I put it off. My parents weren't gonna pay or help pay for a local college so I was kinda stuck here just deciding to do nothing. I don't know why but it just felt pointless. I don't know what I wanna do for the rest of my life, I don't know if what I wanna do is gonna matter. I'm still gonna be a piece of shit that always makes the wrong choices so what's the point? I don't know it sounds pathetic but I don't know.
I lost most of my friends in this time frame, mostly because I cut contact with them because I was so ashamed of myself for doing nothing even though I had all the means to do something while they were going to school and doing what they were supposed to do. I was running out of excuses as to why I'm not doing anything. So two years go by like this, I numb myself with video games and don't answer any calls. I sit in my room all day every day and do nothing and try not to think about it. Sorry this is all over the place, there was someone I met that I unwillingly became friends with but ended up breaking the friendship with her sometime after her mother died. That left me feeling like a selfish piece of shit for quite some time, to fake being a friend. Also left me feeling incredibly guilty because said person needed support after her mother passed and I was just sitting here being a dick.
I don't know. I can't get myself to do anything worth while. I get overwhelmed easily and I don't have the energy to jump start everything. The future looks so bleak and empty. Like fuck I can't imagine being 30 years old and still in this position. With each passing day I do nothing, the more I feel like a piece of shit. I don't know where to start. I get too anxious undergoing basic social interactions, getting a haircut feels like a nightmare since I'm infront of so many people and I'm absolutely petrified of running into the people I isolated from. I don't know, I've given myself ultimatums in the past. Last year I told myself if nothing changed by the end of the year then I'd have to go to the military but I didn't end up doing that. I'm just tired of it. It's like an endless cycle. I go out there, try to do something realize I won't be able to stop working for the rest of my life and have to face the responsibilities of being an adult with so much social interaction and painful weeks. Or I do nothing about it, stay at home and don't be an adult and hate myself over doing nothing about my current situation. It felt good back then having a due date. With the military option back in 2016 it atleast made me feel at ease that I could die if things got too bad. Feels like I'm backing myself into a wall here. I can't do another year of this. I can't turn 21 and still not change, I feel like I'm gonna be like this for the rest of my life. Nothing I do is ever gonna have any kind of meaning either. It's getting harder and harder to find a good reason to live if not for other people. It's not going to get better I'm not gonna change because deep down all my problems come from me and I can't not be me. So it's fucked, I'm what's wrong with my life. Why should I live with that for 60 more years?
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self.depression
|
Finally found a way to relax! https://m.imgur.com/a/8qcJM
I started beading again to calm me down. It has been so worth the time and concentration.
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self.Anxiety
|
If you could change the world so no one would have depression, what would it be? Since the world absolutely sucks right now, hence the prolific numbers of people with mental illness and visiting this depression forum, what would you change about it?
Because right now there's no reason to live, everything is a carved path, so what would you change if you could?
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self.depression
|
Anxiety has taken over me. I've always had issues with anxiety. Lately it's been taking over my mind. I don't know how to cope with it anymore.
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self.Anxiety
|
Seroquel and anger/rage/confusion, anyone else? I have been taking the same combo (lamictal 150mg & seroquel 200mg) for about 5 years now for BPII, and it had been working really well. It did kind of kill the social life because if I don't take them too late I am pretty much useless the next day.
However, for the past two weeks things have changed, especially in the morning. I have "come to" for lack of a better phrase, yelling at my SO. And not just like upset, like furious rage that I can still feel, even when I realize what is going on and am confused as to what started it. I have a pdoc appt next week, but I am worried that this could get worse.
SO has said it is terrifying and I even threatened to throw things at him before the light bulb moments. I have an infant, who SO has been incredible with taking of/now protecting, as far as mornings go, even before the rage. The biggest issue used to be balance and coordination if I was startled awake.
Any tips on how to mitigate this? Or cope with the guilt and confusion? SO is understanding, but can only deal with so much
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self.bipolar
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Guys, Is this suicidality or OCD/anxiety? Very confused please read. I am so confused guys.
So, basically my story with HOPEFULLY Harm-OCD began 5 months ago, It was triggered by reading the news about Chester's bennington suicide. I am 20 years old male, with a previous history of OCD(Fear of getting a heroin addict.), but I can't tell if it is the same or worse. It is horrific.
Here is what happens.
After I read the news, in my head went something like 'If he can do it, then why shouldn't I?' And I started having intrusive suicidal thoughts, I will give an example:
-A friend: Lets go and drink a coffe tomorrow.
-Me: Okay
-My mind: If I don't suicide by then.
So basically at the begining (the first few hours) It was terrifying, but I was unaware what is going to happen after this.
So I got pretty paniced and googled: 'intrusive suicidal thoughts' and major depessive disorder or OCD showed up. I entered both web pages and both said '10 times higher chance of commiting suicide.'
This was the moment when everything fell appart.
This was the moment when I felt this rapid change in my mind.
This was the moment in which I felt like a part of me changed into something horrific.(Okay this was too much movie like sentence, but anyway.)
So basically my life is pretty rough since then I will try to be as accurate as possible, I have days in which I feel relatively normal. So, here are the things happening in my head and body. Some of them are constant, some of them are not.
Intrusive suicidal thoughts which feel real. I really hope they are intrusive, and not true Suicide Ideation. With a confusion If I want them or not. Which is terrifying.
Knot in the stomach.
Whenever I look online for something to buy, there is a feeling like 'There is no point I won't be here soon' and a knot in the stomach.
Feeling like I can't do anything fun, like can't relax I don't know how to describe it.
Less interest in people.
Less apetite.
Sudden feeling of tiredness sometimes.
Nearly constant, uneasiness.
Scary feeling, when I imagine my life without these thoughts, it feels like kind of boring?! I don't know it this is the right word.
Feeling on the edge, feeling like my life is shortened, like I will do something bad soon.
Random feeling of life being pointless without a reason with a variating duration.
Random TERRIFYING Intese feeling like trapped in life.
Random feeling that I need to escape, but there is no place to.
When I am feeling bad, there are constant thoughts, random things I have read on google reddit, with a pictures of the article I was reading.
I stopped working, and now I feel like If I work or feel overwhelmed I will do it.
I stopped University becausw of it, and because I didn't find it interesting.(I made a mistake with chosing my subject.
Intrusive unsettling feeling real scenarious in which my best friend tell me If I want to work with him.(We had a pretty sucessful store.
Feeling like I don't want to admit that I am suicidal?!
Feeling like I don't want to get better?!? I tried finding a reason, but I can't think a reason why, like I stop thinking when I try.
Fear that I developed these thoughts, a few days before Chester's thing, and I try to see my chats to see if there are some signs, but it is impossible to be sure.(This is not a big deal, but I am trying to be as accurate as possible.)
At first I thought this is depression, however I don't show many signs of depression. Then I thought it is Anxiety, but It feels darker and realer than Anxiety.
Weird negative feeling when babies arround.
Random feeling like everything I see is too much?
Fear/Feeling like this is something unknown, incurable and it is impossible to feel like before.
Intense moments when I feel like I am losing control. (I will give you an example of what it looks and feels like.) It happened 2-3 times for the last 5 months.
And the most important and horrific:
Scary intense moment with like a physical urge ######6. As it follows:
It is triggered randomly.
This is what happens: life feels meaningless with a weird image stuck in the back of my head feeling, like future idk, feeling of unrasiness, unsettled feeling, negative scenarious, I try to calm myself with a positive thoughts, I succeed for like a second, then it feels like the negative thoughts, reinforce themselfs and become more and more intense, then I am like 'If i feel like i will do something i will go to the hospital, chill., then like 'it doesn't matter you feel trapped' and it becomes even more intense and more intense uneasiness feeling, i close my eyes laying in my bed, almost starting to feel normal for a couple of seconds, then i open my eyes and everything in my head is intense again, i try again to counter them, it becomes even more intense.
I have several questions:
Can OCD feel like a desire?!?!
How long does OCD urges last?
Was this actual s urge or ocd?!
What does it look like?
Does it look like actual suicide ideation/suicidality?
Thanks in advance.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Watching people on social media having a fun time without me makes me want to kill myself. [removed]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I'm close. I've been just doing the bare minimum. I don't know why. This is not me. I've lost my mother earlier this year. I've moved back home since then. I just can't seem to get back to myself. I have no one to talk to!
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self.depression
|
The fatigue that comes with depression is like the feeling you get when you're recovering from the flu. But it doesn't stop.
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self.depression
|
Just diagnosed. Looking for some help with this. I was recently diagnosed and put on Lamictal.
Looking back on life, I realize how bipolar has made me act towards certain aspects and has really turned my life upside down.
I don't know how to recognize the episodes, or what to do even when I do recognize one.
What is the best thing for you? How do you know when you're going through a depressive or high episode?
|
self.bipolar
|
I just deleted my Tinder account. Then re-made it not 10 seconds later. I guess I'm back. It's been a while, huh?
But yeah, I did it again. I deleted my Tinder account and re-made my account straight away.
There's this girl I used to see, almost every morning. I used to frequent her workplace (not for her, for coffee, I'm not that much of a creep) and so I'd end up seeing her 3 or 4 times a week. And it brightened my day up. Every time without fail. For the first few months it was just nice to see her face every morning, then one day she started making small talk and it made my day. I mean, it was just simple stuff like "are you up to much today then?" and what not, but it was great. So many times during my morning commute have I thought about asking her out, imagining 1001 different ways to go about it. I'd never do it though, I barely have an ounce of confidence.
Anyway, one day I'm swiping through Tinder and I see her and instantly swipe right. The optimist in me was saying "it's finally going to happen!" and the pessimist in me was saying "C'mon, why would she swipe right for you?". After about a week and not getting matched the optimist in me is thinking "maybe she doesn't use the app and just forgot to uninstall it" and the pessimist in me is saying "she's not interested".
This was a while ago, probably at the beginning of the year. On my way home earlier I just couldn't stop thinking about her out of the blue, trying to decide if I was going to go to her work in hopes she was working or to just go home. I just went home. I deleted my Tinder account and re-made it, and bought a months worth of Tinder Plus for the unlimited swipes, in hopes that she's still on the app. I want to superlike her and hopefully get her to notice me. If she's not on the app then I've just wasted $5. Cool.
In a few days (probably even hours) I'm going to look back on this post and think "get it together makejabn". I guess I'm just going through one of my lonely spells. It'll all wash over, but I just wanted this off my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
Should I even bother living. I've got easy access to pills which I can easily overdose and die on, I'm tempted as things will be better off without me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does Celexa work for anxiety? Has anyone in this group taken Celexa for anxiety? And if so what were the results?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I love my daughter I'm a 32 year old man, happily married for 9 years, and we have a daughter who is almost 5.
I had a really bad day at work today. I came home, dragging my feet exhaustingly through the house, and looked into my girl's room. She was drawing and coloring at her little table. I came up, forcing a smile onto my face, and asked, "whatcha drawing, sweetie?"
It was a picture of a castle with a princess inside (she loves fairy tales) and a dragon fighting with a man in armor, who looks like they're trying to protect the princess. She said, pointing to the princess, "that's me, and this-" she moves her finger to the knight. "-is you, Daddy."
I know it sounds really cliche.
I was just overwhelmed with good feelings in that instant. It made me remember everything amazing that happened in this last decade. Meeting my loving wife, getting married, buying our own home, raising a family, having a daughter who loves her father so much that she looks up to him as a hero.
Made my day brighter, to say the least.
I told her it was a beautiful picture, kissed her forehead and left the room.
I'm still not quite sure why I posted this here, but feel free to put any thoughts or discussions down in the comments section.
EDIT: Wow, thank you guys so much! I didn't expect this to be seen by so many people, nor did I imagine everyone would be so touched by it.
|
self.offmychest
|
eyes wide open in pure darkness its 7am, ive been awake since 3am and have to be at work in 45 mins and i just dont want to do it anymore. not just work, everything. come home, be miserable, try to sleep, fail, be miserable, go to work. nothing brings me any real fufillment or joy, not my family or friends, not my girlfriend or work or anything. i dont know what to do. 1 2 3 years goes by and its all the same, its worse. go on trips, do new things, become more miserable. hair is falling out, getting wrinkles, 21. off to work now.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else chronically self aware and self conscious whenever around people to the point you feel insane? I've been like this for years and honestly it feels like it's worse than social anxiety disorder. When I'm around ppl whether at work or in a social setting (if I force myself into it) I become intensely self aware of everything my body is doing and my mind like all my thoughts and stream of consciousness, where my eyes are directed, how I'm breathing, sitting, walking past people, where I put my hands hold my head up, my posture. If I'm talking it's like I'm watching myself from another angle as the words are coming out. It's such a fucking morbid horrifying thing I feel like I'm literally crawling in my skin, feelcall these intense weird physical sensations which I attribute I guess to the stress from this state of being which makes me physically ill. Damn it sucks
|
self.Anxiety
|
New Years Eve is stupid Don't get me wrong. I love the dinners with friends or family. And the parties can be great!
But I fucking hate the fireworks. How is it legal to sell bombs to people on the day they drink the most?!
It's dangerous, it's bad for the environment.
I hate the new years resolutions. I have some myself, so I guess I'm a hypocrite.
But you can make changes any day of the year. Not just today.
That felt good, thanks
|
self.offmychest
|
What’s wrong with me! Seems like the better I do the more I attain the worst I feel... I’m starting to have day dreams and stop myself thinking this is to exhausting I just want to sleep and never get up... what am I living for?
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self.depression
|
I don't know what I want and it's going to ruin my life I recently graduated high school with some really bad grades. Luckily there is a national test you can do for people who didn't take high school seriously, and if you can score high, you can get in anywhere you want no questions asked.
I did the test, and managed to score high enough to create some opportunities for myself.
Now, having been brought up with traditional parents, I'm being pressured into medicine. See, I've had thousands of fights with my parents now about what I am going to do if not medicine, and when it comes down to it; I don't know. All my friends have left for medicine and I am here being a loser doing nothing with my life except wasting it away. I don't wanna go to university next year either because I don't wanna decide what I'm going to do my entire life when I'm 20. What if I pick law school, spend at least $40000 and then hate it? What if I take med school as my parents want and waste as much money, AND time and hate it?
The worst part about it is, my mom is convinced that I am applying this year. If I don't I am so sure she's going to have a heart attack. She always talks about the day I get into her dream university and study, but I know for a fact that even though I can get in, I probably won't even apply. She has done everything for me and what do I do? Sit in my room and be an indecisive little fuck.
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self.offmychest
|
I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar- i've been prescribed 600mg of sodium valproate a day. What should i expect? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I've hated every day of the last year and I have another 3 years left of pretending you don't exist. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Anyone experience slow motion? People talking, music etc.. All of the songs I used to listen to now all sound slowed by like 20-30%. Also it was harder to notice but when I am having conversations it sounds like they are slightly slowed,slurring their words too. There have also been times when this reverses, and it makes everything seem like its going way to fast. Like people are walking around and talking like they are on fastforward..
This is really messing with me and has been going on indeffinately.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Emptiness at night I have a job. Great friends. Relatively good life. I go through the day just fine but in the end when I come home at night (I live alone). When I’m just chilling on my bed. I get overwhelmed by this suddenly feeling of emptiness. All this negativity inside my head. Why do I feel this way?
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self.depression
|
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