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Control over myself I’m so frustrated right now!!! I just don’t understand how I don’t have control over MY OWN THOUGHTS!! It makes no sense! How can I not control myself. How is this possible. I’m done with anxiety why is it not done with me. I should have the power to say ok that’s it go away. But yet I don’t!!! Why not! Why do I not have control over myself!! That’s not right, it’s not fair!!! Its me, it’s my mind it’s my thoughts, why can’t I grab hold of them and say enough!!
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self.Anxiety
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I'm not a person that good keeping a relationship [deleted]
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self.depression
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My insecurities were validated today. No one wants me. I'm sure my sentiment is similar to many of you.
I feel like a waste of space despite my best efforts to contribute to society. I got a job in my field of study, I excel and I'm making a good showing to my superiors. But I feel really hollow. I'm empty. Life feels meaningless. It most likely is.
Despite how I feel, I try to be a friendly person to mitigate this. I always go that extra mile with anyone I come to know and care for. A newer coworker in particular was very lonely, so over the course of a year I decided to become their friend. To be that person I wish I had around me all the time.
And you know what? I felt like we were really friends.
But like with all friends, real or not, there was this nagging in the back of my mind. "oh they're not really your friend. They just talk to you out of obligation. You're too creepy/clingy/distant/awkward/quiet/noisy, they don't actually want to be your friend or ahng out with you" (you can see just how sporadic the though process can be). Despite the nagging, I soldier on. And this friend had a birthday coming up.
I decided to surprise them, really make their birthday special. It went well, and the day was good. Once work ended and we headed home, I asked them if they had plans. It was their birthday, they should have something lined up. They said no, the surprise and our day at work was more than enough. I was happy to hear that my idea was so well received.
But they did have plans.
A party with friends. Only I wasn't invited. I just saw the social media posts about it with all the happy faces. None of them mine. Turns out my nagging thoughts were right, I'm not really their friend. And with everything we've been through, and everything I've done, to still not be a friend worth having around, it hurts to the point that I'm numb.
I'm just a guy that's there to talk to now and then. To get a favour from, never returning it. To them it's just talking.
But to me it's me trying my best to be a positive person. To build a healthy relationship while my mind is a cloud of darkness, so that my suffering is lessened.
This whole ordeal has really been plaguing my thoughts so I had to throw it out there. I don't know how I can continue trying to be that positive person after the confirmation I had today.
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self.depression
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Has anyone taken an extra year (or longer) to graduate college? I'm a grad student in a top ten school in the US. I'm currently in a three year program. I finished my first semester well, but I only took 3 classes. Most everyone takes four, because that puts you on track to graduate in 3 years.
I still had a hard time only taking 3 classes. I had a few suicidal episodes, and am dealing with AN, ptsd and bipolar II--it was a struggle to survive the semester.
At this rate, I don't think I CAN do four classes at a time. I think three is as much as I can bear.
Not to mention, Lamictal has ruined my cognition, making studying SO hard.
So, I might take an extra semester (or year) to graduate. And of course that makes me feel lame, and like a failure.
I want to know if anyone else took their time and earned their degree at a slower pace than what's expected of the paradigm.
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self.bipolar
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For people suffering from seasonal bipolar depression,do they benefit from moving to sunny areas ? do you know any ? and what are the issues ?
thinking about it, because automn is here.
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self.bipolar
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I️ have no friends... but I’m a good friend to people so I️ don’t understand... my depression is just swallowing me whole. I️ have struggled with it for 11 years now. It never gets easier it just gets harder. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am really struggling. I recently returned from a multi-day hike in Tasmania and since I retunrrned I've had at least six anxiety attacks (or similar? I'm not really sure what defines an attack). This is the first time I've experienced this.
The cause (at least in my head) is climate change and the thought of my two children starving to death/dying of thirst/just generally the whole Earth turning into a barren wasteland.
What do I do here? I've never felt emotions like this. It's paralyzing. I don't want to just shun the problem either because I believe it's the most important issue facing humans this century. But I don't want it to affect my ability to be a father.
Anyway, I'm not expecting any tidy answers but it feels good to get this off my chest.
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self.Anxiety
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A Poem I just wrote Footprints
I walk down a snowy street with the strange feeling of somebody watching me,
I stop to look around to find out what it is,
but my footprints in the snow is all I see,
It's snowing and the footprints start to disappear,
once a sign of a life walking trough,
and now there is nothing here,
The snow falling down muffling every sound I make,
I can't see a thing and forget which way to take,
I get dizzy, start to shake and suddenly everything is black,
I fall into a strange unearthly darkness,
It's cold, harsh and seems heartless,
And I start to ask to myself what use did I have on this place,
For I am the sentences empty space,
Nothing to be cared about but still there,
With my toughts hidden in it somewhere
Will I be remembered in a different mind,
Which are the footprints I leave behind.....
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self.depression
|
Lamictal Withdraws So, I am being forced to stop taking Lamictal cold turkey due to some issues with my doctor. I have been on 250 mg for 2-3 years now. Can anyone provide some experiences on what it was like withdrawing from this med?
Thanks
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self.bipolar
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My only choice Suicide it's the only escape i have. I would wait for next year though and plan something then.
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self.SuicideWatch
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All I want this Christmas is to kill myself! That is all!
What is the point of life? WE ARE DOING NOTHING!! WE SHOULD ALL KILL OURSELVES!
Someone please help me, PLEASE!
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is it so hard to get an appointment with a psychiatrist this year!?! I’ve been being treated by my primary care physician for my anxiety and depression. He has recommended I see a psychiatrist since I am still struggling big time. I’ve actually had to leave my job because it became such a huge trigger for me. I am having such a difficult time getting an appointment that isn’t 4months out. I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time.
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self.Anxiety
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What happens when it ends Hey, what happens when it ends...
Everything... the sadness, depression...
Will you be able to understand and sympathetic to anyone who you were used to be?
Will you abandon this sub and try to move on?
That feel of freedom from this depressed prison... what would it feel like?
But I guess I couldn't find the answer, at least by myself.
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self.depression
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[DEPRESSED] My life is in shambles. Only thing currently keeping me alive at this point is rapper XXXTENTACION, and when he was sent to jail i tried to commit suicide and failed miserably. the suicide didn’t fail, i just couldn’t bring myself to do it. X was recently released on house arrest and ever since i’ve been okay.. but i still think about killing myself from time to time. I just want it all to end. My whole life is a mess. I can’t change what i’ve done to my family, i can only hope my death comes quick to end my suffering. i turn 17 tomorrow, my final birthday. i’ll be listening to the album 17 all day. I think i’m gonna take my life before january ends. Honestly. There’s a few final resort options here, but those come soon. Fuck life and Fuck Me
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self.depression
|
Anybody else unable to focus on things/bored while depressed? I'm really frustrated with myself. I used to be able to focus on a book or a video game or a TV show for hours on end. I used to be able to finish long books in one sitting. But then my mood cycled right back into depression and I can barely do anything or focus on anything. If I'm watching TV, I have to bounce from one thing to another on my phone; can't focus on the TV show. If I read a book, I can't even finish the chapter, even if they are short. If I play a video game, maybe I'm lucky and I play for an hour but mostly it's less than 15 minutes and I'm done.
I was feeling so good a few weeks ago and I was able to pay attention to things but then my mood shifted again. Sometimes I wish for hypomania so I can get things done. Anybody else experience this? What helps you?
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self.bipolar
|
Hospital visit, but not for me this time! Just got back from the hospital, but this time it wasn't cuz I needed to go. My partner smashed his foot badly: we spent 3 hours in emerg. He apologized the whole time for ruining our day.
I am so happy, to be able to support my partner: he has been there for me in the past, where I'm the one apologizing for ruining things by needing medical attention.
He didn't ruin anything! He needed help, and I was able to help him! For once, i made his life EASIER, and BETTER!
Sometimes, my bipolar has me feeling like a burden. Being able to switch roles, to be 'the strong one', was SO validating. Everyone needs help sometimes. We all take turns needing and providing that help.
I dunno. Small victory. But this time I got to help someone and make them feel better, and that makes ME feel better. Instant mood booster. I wish people needed my help all the time!
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self.bipolar
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On the verge of panic whats the best thing i can do?
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self.Anxiety
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Nothing quite compares to that feeling of belonging nowhere. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I wish I was more attractive,maybe things would be easier I get so jealous of girls who get a free pass or can get ahead of everyone else all because of their looks. For someone like me who’s below average- average looking it’s frustrating. I’m an artist and a lot of the time I feel like if I was pretty I could use that to my advantage. I’ve seen other girls use their looks to help get them ahead when it comes to their art. I wish I was pretty enough for people to want to throw their money at me. It’s shallow and selfish, but it’s just one of those stupid things that I want. You can tell me it’s not all about looks and lots of people who aren’t attractive can make it if they have talent and put effort in. I know that. But I’m upset at how it seemingly speeds things up for more attractive people and I want that.
My boyfriend tells me I’m pretty... but I don’t really believe him. It’s flattering and all, but pretty is the last thing most other people describe me as. I’d like to see what it would be like to be “the pretty girl” for a day and have more than just close friends and family tell me out of pity. It’s honestly really sad how much of an attention seeker I am and I don’t even look the part haha.
I don’t know if I will ever love myself or come to terms with the fact that I’m just average at best. There’s so many things about myself that I would love to change if I was given the chance. I hate this body. I wish it wasn’t mine. I wish I could wake up and see a better face in the mirror. I wish I could feel comfortable, sexy and powerful in it but it never feels right.
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self.offmychest
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I'm afraid I might do it soon, even tough I keep fighting it I've went to the doctors, I'm on medication, I have the love and support of my parents and my few friends..
But I just can't, I can't, there's just pain, it's not physical, it's mental, I want to get away from it but I can't, I want peace.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I guess this is why they say bipolar is a progressive illness. A symptom I've only had to deal with as of recently : paranoia. It's driving me insane. Literally. I shouldn't be this frightened. The world is a stew of deception and cruelty. It makes my stomach churn.
I feel like it's eroding my ability to behave normally on a day-to-day basis. I argue with these thoughts, with only momentary success. I only ever convince myself that I am not fit for society - since I can't trust my brain or other people.
Does anyone have any strategies for dealing with paranoia?
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self.bipolar
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Thought that causes severe anxiety. I am 16 years old. As a child I had a great sense of self and I would do things out of the ordinary. I would later get picked on at school for my uniqueness and become an outcast. I would become addicted to labelling myself and I would wear this identity that wasn't who I truly was due to being bullied for my original self. I would emulate my favorite idols and unconsciously copy their traits and attributes into my pysche. Or I would read about a zodiac sign and try my best to match up. Basically I don't like myself. I would do anything to cover up my underlying feelings of shame, despair, and emptiness. By wearing a mask. I've been having Pure OCD thoughts about astrology. I would mentally label people based on sign. and I would panic whenever someone mentions astrology. I know it sounds dumb right. But I was bullied so severely that I hate who I truly am. I think my zodiac sign makes me who i am For the past year my masks has been torn. And I feel the most lost and depressed I ever felt. My mind also becomes filled with intrusive thoughts that causes my body to panic. Can anyone help??? I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense but no one in my family understands and I get ridiculed for it. I've been vegan for 8 months and these thoughts continue. I just recently dived into meditation. I'm a very joyful, loving, fun person. But when these thoughts intensify I feel empty, miserable, and shameful and give off a bad vibe. People tell me I have great energy and very special. These thoughts are ruining my life I know it might not seem like that big of a deal its just zodiac signs. But I'm so used to attaching myself to things like ill watch an interview by my favorite idols and unconsciously introject their personality and mannerisms into my psyche. I've been covering my underlying feelings of emptiness and shame for so long it feels weird just being. Whenever I'm around people, random thoughts about zodiac signs and it would cause me to feel tension and stress all around my body. I'm sorry of you can't understand what I'm saying. But I really want to be freed from the hell my mind put me through. I am caring, compassionate, joyful, its just my mind. I'm in war with my mind and I feel like shit. These thoughts cause me to avoid family members and become a recluse in general. When I'm fully in the present moment, people tell me I'm special and have a great aura. But once these thoughts come I feel tense and I therefore give off an negative vibe. I just want to be free from these intrusive thoughts so I can achieve my purpose and make this world a better place and help people. But I must first be healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually. Can someone please tell me how can I free myself from these thoughts. My family ridicule me and now I'm losing hope.
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self.Anxiety
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ALS fear Does anyone here have a fear of ALS? These are my symptoms, I feel both hands shaky, and my speech isn’t as loud or good. People have told me it’s anxiety but idk and it’s freaking me the duck out I don’t want to die. Does anyone experience speech problems or oversalivation, or shaky hands due to anxiety ?
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self.Anxiety
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Missing that spark for life. How is it going for you? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Everything moves so slowly I feel no wants from my world.
I don't want a career, I don't want a marriage or have children, I don't want food. Everything is depressing me
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self.depression
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Depression is like trying to walk through quick sand. You just feel so weighed down and fucking helpless. You just want to scream for help, until, eventually, the quicksand consumes you whole and you're left suffering in silence.
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self.depression
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If only If only. If only I could muster up the strength to talk to somebody. Yeah, I have my therapist but I only see her on a weekly basis. Talking to somebody once a week about the dark thoughts that wreak havoc 7 days a week doesn’t help that much. If only it did... if only i didn’t get the short end of the stick maybe I’d be normal. Maybe I wouldn’t have tried to take my life and get bakeracted, in other words, punished for wanting to go to sleep and never open my eyes again. If only the reassuring remarks, like “push through it” and “you have no reason to feel like this”, rid me of this illness. But then again, that’s all hypothetical
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self.SuicideWatch
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Dear sunshine Dear sunshine
I miss you. I miss us, and everything we had together. You were my love, you were my life, my everything. And then you left me, and it is so hard to see someone you love become a stranger in front of your eyes. You were mine, and I was yours, and now you belong to someone else, and everything I had with you, you now have with someone else, and that is just ever so hard to accept.
Not once did I hate you, how could I? I always loved you, still do. I might have said stupid stuff in a fit of anger and rage but I never hated you, my sweetheart.
You told me about your new guy, about how he is better than me in so many aspects. I could have done without hearing all that. You're more happy with him than you ever were with me, and it might be hard for me to accept, but I'll never hate you for it.
All I ever wanted was to see you smile, to keep you happy, to give you all the love I could; alas it just was not enough for you. I tried, I really did for the longest time, but it did not suffice. You up and left, and just like that, you broke me.
I know the cliches, that everything will heal with time and such. I don't necessarily believe in that. I think one just gets used to the pain, I don't think it gets better. The fact that you do not love me, and the fact that you're with someone else is going to be a hell lot of pain to get used to.
I wish I had never met you. I was happy in my own delusional state of being, I was happy having a mad infatuation for you, knowing that it will never work out in my favour. But It did...and then you gave me the best time of my life and you made me dream about a beautiful future with you by my side. And then you crushed those dreams. I wish you had left me earlier, maybe the pain would've been far less. I wish you'd talked to me about all this over the four months of summer we had together, and not dumped me over the phone when I left. I wish you'd seen all the efforts I put into making us work. I wish you loved me even a bit as much as I did. I put my entire life on hold for you, and now that you're gone, there is no life to go back to. I have never felt so alone, sunshine. Mostly, I wish I were dead.
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self.offmychest
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Can Nicotine Cause Panic Attacks? I vape E-juice in e-cigarette mods and i'd always had the no nicotine kind. I upped it to the lowest dose of nicotine because i thought it would be more pleasureable. Low and behold, the first time i try it yesterday, within an hour i'm in a full on panic attack with numbness in my arms and legs. Mind you i was researching Nicotine on Dr. Google, and everything it said it could cause, I thought I was getting, so it may not have been the nicotine at all.
Today the same process repeated exactly. Vaped the nicotine, started researching bad things about nicotine, went into a full blown panic attack.
I've heard that Nicotine is a stimulant and can theoretically be anxiety inducing. What is your experience with nicotine, and what do you think is going on with me? Is it researching it after the fact and getting myself worked up thats doing it? I'd hate to think i spent all this money on vape stuff only for it to be a giant waste, but I don't want to be having panic attacks every day too.
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
[May be triggering] [Meds going bad] "Bad trip" on Quet I had something like a "bad trip" on Quet 25mg last night. I know this dose is very low, but I'm here to see if anyone ever had it
As soon as I felt groggy as usual, I started to feel like dissociating, having racing thoughts, sooo paranoid, couldn't move or ask for anything, not even talk and at the same time I noticed I was shivering. Also, I woke up in the middle of night, couldn't fall sleep again until almost morning.
I'm very scared to take it again tonight and I'm here to see if it ever happened to anyone. I'm only one week on Quet every night and also take Depakote 500mg a day. I don't know if it's all in my head
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self.bipolar
|
venting about A lot of anxiety!! 17F Oh gosh, this is my first time posting on reddit since I vented about my alcoholic father and my post got deleted because some reason?? So, this first of all just posting is giving me anxiety. I'm really sensitive to what people say to me which is why I avoid this kind of thing, but it's hit a fever pitch lately.
Social interactions are especially draining. I've become a lot more irritable, which causes my boyfriend to accuse me of "snapping" at him. I got into a bad car accident a month ago and driving now really freaks me out. I start a cashier job Sunday, which is freaking me out because interactions for me are super difficult, but I really need money for my upped car insurance. Anybody who I confide to doubts how legit my feelings are, because I try to put on a happy and confident face, and my boyfriend takes it way too far. He'll suggest something I should do to "get rid" of my anxiety, and when I tell him it's not that simple, he always says "well if you actually tried" and then gets mad. My dad doesn't believe in anxiety and always dismisses it as being a woman. He also wants me to stop counseling because she's "just a friend that you pay way too much for."
All of this combined makes me feel like a waste of space. I just really don't want to exist. Whenever I can go anonymously on the internet to vent, I usually get people telling me I'm overreacting or it's not that bad. Really, it's this stuff that makes me want to be dead.
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self.Anxiety
|
Have had strong feelings for SOs best friend for over a year now Yes. I'm a bastard. I know.
So for about a year now I've had and held in strong feelings for my SO's best friend. My SO is an insanely sweet person who has been nothing but supportive for me and I, her which makes me feel even fucking worse about this. I've been with my SO for years now and we're coming off of a rough patch but I still feel these strong feelings for her friend.
Her friend and I have gotten to know each other really well over the last few months as she herself has had significant issues with her mental health and my SO and I had to step up and help out otherwise she wouldn't be here.
We've compared upbringings and its pretty much identical. I feel like this girl understands me in a way that my SO doesn't. She's also unbelievably intelligent, compassionate, and holy moly she's unbelievably attractive.
Now she's a good friend so she would obviously never do anything with me. And these are just feelings and I have not acted on them nor do I plan to. But the feelings aint going away and I want them to. It's not like I have a shot with her anyway. It's not like it would be a good relationship given all the struggles that both of us have. It's also not like the relationship I am currently in is bad either. In fact it's really good.
It's not like either of these women are bad women at all. But I am in a committed relationship with one of them which pretty much completely precludes a relationship with the one I actually want.
TL;DR: I'm a bastard. (would not mind advice)
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self.offmychest
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This time of year is f..n hard. Please look out for each other At the moment I’m having a wave of negative thoughts to the point I feel like ending it all. But I know a lot of you are experiencing the same thing, so I just want you to know I love you all, and I hope we can all pull through together. xxx
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self.SuicideWatch
|
can someone help me get out of my depression so basically I have been going through this depression and I just want to get out of it I don't want to be depressed anymore its not fun I really desperately want to get out of it like I haven't been able to sleep because of this and I am also not able to eat anything much and like sometimes I feel a bit dizzy when I stand up and because of my depression I cant perform well please can someone help me
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self.depression
|
Rambling about something for a while. Today my "crush" had to work with me due to school thing.
Seems innocent/harmless enough doesn't it?
No.
She was terrified.
Who could blame her? She had to work with a man who she knows is unstable and has warned her in the past to keep on her toes as he looses control to "murderous desire" targeted at her for a few days.
She can't prove anything. I've been careful enough.
Its just so fucked up. The person who i dream of being with fears me.
Goodnight.
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self.depression
|
Don't know what to do. 30s female here. Not able to travel far so i can't do dying with dignity. I'm very ill. Like 2 steps away from needing life support. To live I'd need a double lung transplant, but i won't survive the procecure. Can't walk, can't move my body, can only move fingertips. The worst part is that i can't leave the house, can't swallow food, can't even go in a wheelchair. Can't sleep. If i fall asleep i stop breathing and need cpr. Pls no medical advice bc i know my situation and all angles have been converted. Cpap won't work, not oxygen. My lungs are weak and similar to ALS end stage. Every breath is a chore and i know I'm dying soon. Pls don't talk religion either bc I'm too a level of suffering beyond comprehension.
Barely any family support. I want to hang it up. I can't take the physical agony anymore. Every millisecond is agony at 10/10. There's never a second of relief. I can barely post this but I'm going thru torture bc im likely ending it anyway. I have nothing to live for. No life. Confines to same chair in living room for years. No social support except online. No ability to do hobbies...too symptomatic. Can't even watch tv.
If i were a dog they'd euthanize me.
Ideally I'd use a gun. I have no way to get one on the black market. In fact, i want to get one for when it gets unbearable and i think I'm in my final stroke. I had 4 already but since I'm late stage the next stroke will likely kill. I need feeding tube and ventilator to survive more than 2 more wks. A dr said the way my throat etc are the vent won't take.
And frankly even with a vent it won't help much bc there's barely room for air in there. I'm in respiratory distress 24/7.
If i keep a gun handy i can use it as last resort. I don't want to buy a gun and just end my life. No. I want to use it at a moment where I'm dying and i can't escape. I'm basically dying now but it's slower. I'll prob know when my lungs are at 5%. Right now they're at about 8% function.... worse than having cf, copd, etc....
I need this torture to end. This is NOT humane to live this way! If you think it's selfish for me to end it, well i think it's sunfish for ppl to want me to stick around for their company while I'm in upmost torture. Not to mention I'm a burden. They all know I'm dying anyway. You're probably wondering why I want to end it if I'm just going to die soon anyway. Well that's a good question. I have been fighting this for so many years and it's a slow digression but now obviously I know that I am dying pretty soon. I do kind of want to just stick it out and let it happen naturally. But I think I have reached my Max. And like I said I'm not going to end this abruptly. I would only use it as a last resort. Ideally I would like to just passed peacefully in my sleep. But I would like to go on in case it gets to the point where it is just absolutely necessary that I would do anything to get out of that moment.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Why I feel that I should die as soon as possible!!! I dont know i feel people are not happy with me ..they dont understand me and I also dont understand..I lose my friends and never got good friends. I always live alone...Infact in case of studies and career...my luck is quite bad...thats why I feel depressed because nothing goes right right with and if anything good happens in return I always have to pay...my parents have so much expectations from me but I never fulfilled them guess I have low self-confidence. Kindly help how can I deal with these problems else I will go mad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What are some physical manifestations of your anxiety? For me, it's breathing tics, back pains, and unexpected lump in my throat at most inconvenient times.
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self.Anxiety
|
Here's a different one. Most of what I've seen while lurking here has been a more pessimistic outlook on life, along the lines not having a job and friends. I'm Having a different issue. I don't know what is real and fiction anymore. I have these confusing delusions about killing myself and waking up in a new dimension where I can be something better than I was here, or waking up "matrix-style". I've been looking for help but at this point I don't know how to tie myself back down to this reality. Trying anything I can includes posting here so please. I don't want to kill myself if I am just crazy.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Working up the courage Here I am, another post to add to this sub that will be mostly glossed over. Some people will comment or message and say I'm not alone or try to talk to me. Some will agree with what I've said.
Truth is I'm only really hear to vent to feel some relief from the pressure to tell anyone in my life about my depression. But I won't be selfish.. I won't ask to be cared for and receive it out of pity. I will not be a burden, I will not seek emotional care at the expense of others. If someone wanted to care, all they'd have to do is reach out without me asking. But no one does because it's uncomfortable. They will only care after being guilted into it. And why is that? It's because we are all such selfish people.. every action made for oneself first and foremost. We don't genuinely care for others, we only care for something in return. It's ironic that happy people receive the most care from others while those that are depressed whither away. But when you think about it, it makes sense. Depressed people have nothing to offer in return. Occasionally someone will reach out and drag you out of the mud, but they do it in in order to feel good about themselves, they don't do it for you.
We are all alone.
I wrote a 14 page suicide note and recorded myself reading it. It's perfect, I'm kind of sad I won't get to see the reactions of those who will read or see it. It's nice to imagine my friends and families faces when they do.
My neighbor jumped off the bridge a few months ago. I wish I was able to feel what she felt so that I could bring myself to do it. I gathered enough courage to go down and see if I could jump last week, but couldn't do it. Instead I chose to come back to this hell.
So now it's back to the grind until I work up the courage to go back and try again.
Wish me luck.
-M
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self.SuicideWatch
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Touching sensation I am trying to find the medical term for I have a sensation that I get at least once a day. I will give an example.
I am sitting at my desk at home, and my leg feels like it is touching the side of desk, even thought it is a few inches away. It will sometimes be a dull, ache-like pain, sometimes just the sensation of touch. I will get up and lay in bed with a blanket, and the feeling subsides.
I check to see if I am actually touching it, but I'll watch it for a few minutes and I am not.
This example will happen with arms, back, head, any part of the body.
I believe it to be anxiety related/mental because if I don't know anything is there, I don't feel the sensation (even if it is close).
Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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At what point Should you seek help for anxiety? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I don't think people understand how it feels to want to to die every minute of everyday. And that sleep is a substitute for it.
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self.depression
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I need serious help. I'm nineteen years old and I'm struggling with ADHD, Bipolar Disorder type 1, and a learning disability.
All my life I've been a horrible child, actually. I used to get into fights at school, fail every test I was given, throw chairs at teachers. Hell, I was labeled as "special ed." Which made me even more furious every school I went to. Worst part is, I was given a IQ test which I scored 70... Fucking 70....
I really had no friends or siblings growing up. I felt like I was against the world. My mom was the only one raising me. Even she was worried what I was becoming/growing up to be. Fast forward to now, my mom is married to my step-father who served the military for 20 years. He tried his best teaching me skills such as fixing cars, woodworking, etc. But yet, I still get completely frustrated and give up.
I do have a job in fact. I work as mail handler for the postal service. But I still find myself wondering what is the point of my shitty existence. Now I just bottle up my emotions and break my stuff when no one is around.
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self.depression
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I want to die, I hate me. I want to be him. I want to be someone else. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Don't Fucking Kill Yourself. I don't care your reasons, just don't. do. it. And read this *obviously this excludes the medical euthanasia shit for people with terrible degenerative issues/terminal stuff.
I went to the funeral of someone who did this week, a close friend of my brother. The funeral was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever seen, and I've been to the funeral of a 14 year old girl who was shot dead by a stranger on her birthday at a party in front of her friends. I wish it could've been videotaped the funeral and put on youtube as a "this is why you don't kill yourself" video. I mean it. His mother and father were throwing themselves wailing at the casket as it was lowered into the ground. His friends were bawling, everyone who even knew him in passing was sniffling and trying to hold it together. My brother, his best friend, was bawling, and I haven't seen him cry since we were 9, because he never wants his older sis to worry.
I've been there but I didn't do it. I dunno if it was the powers of the universe itself or a hallucination that stopped me, but I stopped just before. That was over 7 years ago, after I was sexually and physically abused in high school continually for like 3 years. If you're there right now. I promise it'll get better. Didn't think I'd live past 16, now I'm 23 and so thankful I didn't do it. And after seeing yesterday I am even more glad than ever that I didn't. I know if you're out there you might be thinking you'll be better off, your family and friends would be better off without you, you're a burden or that they won't miss you, or that they'll get over it. The most insidious type is that gentle voice saying "maybe it'd be best if I just disappeared".
That's all fucking wrong. You matter. It will get better. It's cheesy, everyone says that but take it from someone who tried and failed.
I've been there. I mean it. I can't express enough how much you should just not kill yourself. Fighting depression might feel like a years long boxing match with Mike Tyson and Mayweather combined, but it's worth it. So unbelievably worth it. You'll probably get scars, You'll probably deal with bouts of it again and again. But that doesn't mean you're weak or anything. If Mayweather or Tyson walked up to a normal person on the street and punched them in the jaw they would be in a shitfest and might die too. It might take therapy, medication, etc to help, but that doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're a normal human who occasionally needs help with life, at some times more than other times. The meds, the therapy - those are your personal trainers that help you deal with Mayweather trying to punch your face in randomly corner. I'm using Mayweather because he's an unstoppable force of nature that will just punch your shit and even some of the best guys have fallen to him. It's not a shameful thing to lose to a guy like that. Depression shouldn't be either. It can hit anyone. Hard. And no, I'm not a fan of his. In fact I hate his guts, but you gotta respect talent and hard work when it exists. If you want to get in a pissing match with me over his abilities, then good because that means you're not thinking about killing yourself even if you hate my ass.
If you're out tonight, or going out in the next or and reading this bored at a bar, do me a favor and have an IPA or a shot of something, or smoke a joint and celebrate your life. In memory of our friend. If you think you're a failure and have nothing to be proud of, that's your brain lying to you and you're wrong. Ask someone close to you what the best/coolest/most awesome accomplishment they've seen you do is. If you're too embarrassed to ask outright, I don't care just do it. If you really really refuse to otherwise, ask them under the guise of some new years resolution/reflection shit. And tell them why you like having them around too. I don't care if you haven't talked to them in months or years. Just do it. And toast to doing more good things in life. Or if you're a teetotaler do it with a fucking glass of water IDGAF.
I know the automods post all the depression hotlines and shit automatically so I'm not going to.
There's also a subset of people like me who were/are minors thinking of committing suicide and are afraid that their parents will find out because of mandatory reporting through some of the helplines/ school counselors. Please get help, please don't let that keep you from reaching out. Your family will care more than you can ever imagine. My brother waited till it was almost too late and the mandatory reporting stuff saved his life and now he says that it was the best thing to happen to him. There is help out there, even if your family is abusive pricks. There are low cost or free therapy sessions that can help you. I still wish I'd let myself get the help my brother reached out for, even though I haven't self harmed or thought about suicide in 5+ years. All hiding does is make it more difficult on you. Please please please just stay alive. I promise it'll be better.
And yes, I'm drunk. ~~And I might forget the password to this throwaway tomorrow or something so don't expect a reply~~ Changed my mind. I don't want someone offing themselves because their cry for help was in a PM to me. I'm giving up my shitposting today so I can keep this one open to give you all free hugs. Just don't fucking make my little brother cry again okay? Or Mayweather and depression will be the least of your worries.
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self.offmychest
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How do you cope when you need to study NOW while overwhelmed with hopeless existential thoughts? I need to get my shit together right now, just for the sake of going through a few more days, so I can pass my tests, then go back to my mind and the void and shit once it's done.
I'm considering suicide, but I haven't decided yet. But for a few reasons, the choice might be basically done if I don't pass these tests.
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self.depression
|
Two years later <4 Youre still on my mind.
Through all the drama, so many lies and it seems like we both have moved on. We sold our houses, moved to different countries and its been silent for a long time now. But you're still on my mind.
Its been two years.
I'm sorry.
You know where to find me.
Please find me xx <4
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self.offmychest
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I've decided to see if quitting the net helps. I posted last night a rant about the stress of everything going on around the world. I decided to work with r/nosurf to see if that can help my condition. Wish me luck...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else suddenly start having problems while on lithium? Just got back my bloodwork. Apparently my liver is out of whack suddenly and so is my thyroid. Both are presumably because of my lithium, even though the tests showed I'm not having toxicity. I've been on 900 mg-1200mg for about 2 1/2 years. And now out of the blue I'm having problems.
Anyone else have this happen?
I've heard lithium is the oldest mood stabilizer but possibly not the best. I've wanted to try to something else, but none of my psychiatrists have ever wanted to watch me through the process of titration going down and adjusting a new med. Now maybe they will have to.
I'm a little nervous to say the least. I have an appointment in 48 hrs, so I'll get answers soon. Just wanted your guys' input as far as experiences.
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self.bipolar
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Do you know this ? You walk alone in the city and see the people around you enjoying life and having fun together. You feel like you have nothing in common with anyone.
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self.depression
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It won't stop. I've never had a problem with drugs. I wish it was drugs. Anything. Anything other than me.
I'm so tired. I've slept over twenty four hours over the past two days and still fall asleep while driving.
The thoughts are constant now. My brain likes to play the "what could you kill yourself with" game without my permission now. Even if they don't make sense and aren't reasonable.
Oh, you woke up late for work? You're a sack of shit. Use the phone cord. Turn yourself blue.
Oh, you're making coffee? Put your fork in the outlet. You deserve it. Do it.
Driving is the worst. RunintothetreeslamintothebricksfullspeedhitITNOW
At work, nothing to do? Uninvited visions of blood everywhere. I've done research. I know that's one of the hardest ways to die. But I still see it coming from my wrists, my throat. I see fucking lakes of it. The visions don't even make sense. I know I'd never have that much blood in me.
I'm so empty. I'm so small.
Yet my skin is constantly itching like it's crawling with insects. There's a constant static if I try to focus on anything. I should be taking an exam right now. But I can't do it. I feel every car driving outside like it is running against arms. Every bird is right up against my ear screaming. I feel every dry patch and bit of oil and scab and pimple on me at once. Showers don't help. I've taken four today. I still feel dirty. I put my hair in a beanie so it won't brush against me. I hate the squish of food against the roof of my mouth. I can't eat when others are eating. All I hear is the squishing and sloshing and it makes me gag. I don't remember my dreams anymore. I've lost weight and my hair is falling out. I can see my scalp. I have all of this buzzing around in my head, with the constant killyourselfkillyourselfdoitkillyourself. I think I might actually be fucking crazy. I've been fighting this for so long and this is the strongest it's ever been. Nothing feels real anymore.
These thoughts are so constant. They don't stop. There's never a moment without them. I'm an empty shell of a person, and all that is left inside is these terrible buzzing thoughts.
It sounds crazy, but the only thing that has kept me here for so long is my dog. When I hold him, it all stops. For just a moment. It starts again soon after, but the single moment helps. He knows when it's too much and buzzing and buzzing and comes to bring me a leaf he found outside and snuggles against me. But I don't think that will work for much longer, and he deserves better. Everyone deserves better than me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Looking for a neuroscientific information about sleep deprivation Besides being BP2 I'm sociophobic. But if I'm sleep deprived I'm much more sociable. Maybe it can give me a hint of a possible treatment if I can interpret it right. I'm looking for professional opinions and links to the relevant studies.
I'll appreciate links to the relevant subreddits if there are any.
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self.bipolar
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I feel like I'm outside looking in. Like I'm just watching my whole life through the window.
All my faked interactions, my false smiles, forced laughter.
None of it feels real to me anymore I feel so disconnected from everything around me like I could peer over my own shoulder.
I hate this feeling so much. It's no sad or happy it's empty and numb. I can feel myself getting more and more numb everyday.
I've been here before. But how do I get out?
Anyone else ever feel like this?
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self.depression
|
Think I'm going to hurt myself I've been thinking about suicide an awful lot lately. At least ten times a day something will trigger me to think about it (whilst driving beside a truck for example) I have a long history of depression and I attempted to hang myself 6 years ago. The only person that got me through it was my girlfriend of 6 years. She's been increasingly distant and cold lately and I feel she might call it a day soon. If she does i think I'm finished. I know it's cliché and extremely selfish but I just don't see any reason to go on. I've always had bouts with anxiety and depression and managed to come out fine but I always end up back at square one. Honestly, I'm scared of the whole thing. But I just don't see the point going around in a circle again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Are any other college students not really passionate about their major? I'm a freshman accounting major at my university. I'm not passionate about business or accounting, but I feel like majoring in accounting pretty much means a guaranteed job after graduation. Accounting and business are good jobs in general for dumb people who want to make good money. I feel like I'd be too dumb for/couldn't handle the workload and studying for fields I might be more passionate about, like compsci or engineering. Also, even though I'm already a friendless loser, I feel like I wouldn't fit in with anyone in a business environment, but at least I'd fit in with someone in compsci/engineering.
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self.depression
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I want to kill myself, but at the same time i feel that if im going to do it anyways, i should try something daring, but my self-destructive mind says: Dont make it an excuse, it has to come from you" and the cicle starts again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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After over a year I've just found out its only going to be one and a half more to get treatment that might be appropriate. (NW UK) Over a year ago I got refered to complex cases psychology (levels 1 and 2 CBT weren't enough), after around a year of waiting and then seeing doctors on that service, just found out today it's a 19 month waiting list for the new level 3 that is (might be) appropriate. Need somebody to vent about that to.
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self.bipolar
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Hey I feel like dying today how about you guys?
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self.bipolar
|
Need help on how to help SO with fear of Elevators Hello all,
I've been dating someone for the past three years, and have known she's afraid of elevators but never really known the extent. We're going on a trip to a friend's wedding, and she's terrified of the possibility that we'll have to ride in a elevator at the hotel. This is something she's been dealing with for a while and has gotten really good at avoiding them. Our trip is abroad and I think she's having a lot of trouble with the fact that there's a lot of unknows..
Why I'm posting here is to ask if anyone has personal experience with this and can give me some advice on what I can do to help. Is trying to ease her into acceptance of elevators a good idea? Should I just get out of the way and be supportive and let a professional help?
Any help/insight would be greatly appreciated
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self.Anxiety
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Need someone to talk to. I have never had anyone to talk to about my problems, so please be a listening ear,i am being torn apart
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self.offmychest
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Social Skills? How can I learn proper social skills? I pretty much have none.
Having bipolar disorder has made it extremely hard to communicate, and keep friends. I just don't really know what else to do anymore. I'm hoping somebody here has found a way around this. It makes me miserable..
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self.bipolar
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i don't want to be alive I'm sixteen also. I've never had a girlfriend, never had a kiss, haven't had any friends since 2014. I almost never leave my house. I like to hurt myself and think about death. I am hopeless, I am obese, I am ugly. I need so much and get so little. I don't want to be alive. I can't graduate high school, I hate myself, I hate my body, I can't look in the mirror, I can't be around other people, I can't openly talk about myself (not even to my therapist). I just want to die. I want to die so much, oh please why can't I just make myself die. I don't know what to do. I have no future in life. I don't know how much longer I can last.
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self.depression
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I've been in denial and I've only just realised I have been suffering from anxiety since the age of 14, but I've never allowed myself to accept it until now because I was so convinced no one would believe me, now I'm nearly 19 and it's affecting my job so I'm booking my first doctors appointment soon. I'm sick of being anxious about life.
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self.Anxiety
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Zoloft giving me weird warm sensations, hot flushes? I'm on day 3, I've noticed it today the most though. Its like this weird surge of warmness that travels across my body.
I get nervous about it because it sort of reminds me of when I get panic attacks, which for me begins with a surge of warmness that travels to my head, the difference is that the feelings stays with a panic attack and i obviously panic and feel disoriented.
My mother says that excessive sweating is a symptom and that could be it, but I don't know. Personally Zoloft has been working, I'm starting to finally convince myself I'm healthy. But now I'm getting nervous about the side effects, scared that I'll have a negative reaction.
So are these hot flushes normal? Im starting to feel them a lot, like once every two hours.
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self.Anxiety
|
Avoiding friendship Last weekend, I was sorting through boxes full of paperwork of all kinds. I found a very old address book. Looking through it, I came across a friend from the late 80’s that I roomed with and worked with for a year. I was so excited to find her last name. I looked her up on FB and there she was. Happy, married, a mother of two. She looked exactly the same. I was ready to contact her, all excited about reconnecting.
Then I stopped.
Why would I want to burden her with me? I’ve never been able to keep up a friendship anyway. I get overwhelmed with other people’s lives/issues so I start avoiding them.
I hate that I do that. I’m bummed I won’t connect with my friend. But it really has been a lifetime and I’m guessing we have nothing in common anyway.
This introvert depression crap gets worse as I get older. I need to change so I can make a friend or have a relationship so I won’t be alone as I get older.
I want to be better. Happy.
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self.depression
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My wife has severe psychological anxiety issues and I just recovered from burnout, don't know if I can keep it together. She's had anxiety issues ever since she was a child. Usually, we can manage them, but this time we had to go see our doctor. She's on meds now, but they take a while to kick in (2 weeks). I'm just recovering from burnout, not being able to cope with financial troubles, work, lack of sleep and taking care of our two kids (4 and 2).
She has an appointment with a psychiatrist, but it's not until the 22nd of December! The day before yesterday things got so bad, I had to come home from work. She was talking about killing herself. We almost went to the hospital, but it got a bit better, so we didn't.
Things are a bit better now, with the meds, but I just hope I can keep it together. Also, there's a job opening everyone half expects me to go for, but I don't know if I can deal with that right now.
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self.offmychest
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PSA About federal insurance Since I get my insurance through the federal government, my psychiatrist can't prescribe medications for me and be covered by insurance.
I don't know if this will effect you guys or not, it started January 1st. But some doctors are no longer going to be covered by insurance plans concerning prescriptions.
Just wanted to PSA. This put me without meds and in a tough spot for a few days.
Good luck!
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self.bipolar
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I'm such a failure. I'm currently 18 and I'm a high school student, about to graduate from the International Baccalaurate program.
Through the IB program, I've spent more and more time reflecting on my past actions, achievements, etc.
I have my final examination of Physics HL tomorrow and the day after. It's my final exam before I'm off to Summer yet I feel so depressed.
As a student, I've struggled hugely with Mathematics (SL) and Physics. I remember back when I finished my IGCSEs, I was a top contender in my year for Mathematics and I got past Physics smoothly without much revision.
I was determined to be an Engineer.
During the first few months in my IB program, I was doing relatively well with regular revision and participation in class.
However during the second half of Y12 in, I started to fall off in class. Grades fell and I felt more and more demotivated because my passion towards those subjects were still going yet results didn't speak the same. I felt powerless because I watched my closest friends that struggled at those subjects during the IGCSEs climb up in grades quickly, achieving top marks without much revision.
Why did I yield such poor results when I regularly studied? It was at this point when I started to lose the dream of being an Engineer. Struggling at Physics, I realised that I was too naive and overconfident. With grades below average, it was a wake up call that I was perhaps not as good as I thought.
Thinking about other things, I'm quite overweight and despite being able to lose weight in the first few months when I regularly gymmed, academics took over and I wasn't able to keep up exercising regularly. Additionally, I wasn't even that good at gaming (LoL for instance) when I spent so much time on it with my friends. It has struck me that I spent so much time gaming and revising yet I'm so poor at both. I'm overweight, not a good gamer and a mediocre student.
They say that people are bound to accel at SOMETHING. Well, I don't know what I accel at, and I'm feeling quite down that I'm now struggling to revise for Physics, the dreaded subject that I'll have an exam for in the next two days.
Adding towards that, my report card grades have been mediocre and as I'm 18, I've already applied to Universities because that's what I should be thinking about after HS graduation. I applied to UCLA, UC Davis, UC Riverside, UC Irvine, Uni of San Francisco, Uni of Southern California and Loyola Marymount Uni, yet they've all rejected me.
I strongly feel that this is because of my mediocre grades, my average SAT score of 1150 and ACT of 27. I'm not sure why I obtained those grades when I feel like I could've done so much better.
It's now May 9th, and my summer starts after I finish my last Physics Paper on the May 11th. With no Universities from California taking me in, I intend to apply to Community Colleges in California so I can redeem myself to do well and transfer to a better Uni while saving my parents money.
My parents. That's another thing.
They were extremely strict to my older brother but they're happy that he's getting straight A's in Community College despite him not completing his High School (Won't explain why). They were hopeful for me but after seeing my IB predicted grade (below 30 btw) and the fact that all the Cali unis I've applied rejected me, they just tell me to try my best. Despite their kind words, I know they're disappointed in me because I know my father has high expectations and expects me to be an Engineer or Doctor (Epitome of Asian parents..). Although my father has been more lenient on me, my mother treats me badly and is really upset that Unis rejected me and scolds me over petty things about almost everyday.
I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past few weeks while studying in my study break for my IB examinations. I'm not sure what to do because they keep mentioning that they'll send me to work during summer to get job experience before I get into Uni (assuming a Uni even takes me in). I don't mind job experience but the fact that they keep repeating it drives me up the wall because it's like they're taunting or punishing me for such poor academic performance.
Some of my friends are also going to be done with their examinations with me after the Physics paper, some have to do their other subjects and be done until a later date, and they're all excited for Summer and to be done with this IB shit. While they're happy, I'm sad because I'm such an underachiever and all my friends are excellent students. They're all close friends with predicted IB grades of 39 and above. I feel so alone because I'm merely a student with a predicted IB grade of below 30 and I can't share my sadness with them because I feel like I'm the only underachiever in our group. Afterall ,why should it matter to them about my troubles when they're doing so well, getting high Uni offers from notable Universities when I'm here in my situation?
With no friends aware of my situation, a realization of my failure and the lowkey feeling of disappointment thriving through my parents gaze,
I have never felt so alone in my entire life.
And I've been hiding it since my Year 12 school life.
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self.depression
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life questions, dont wanna bother you but can i have some advice? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
You’ve cut me off to be in a toxic relationship but you just don’t see it yet You’re my best friend and I’ve seen you lose a lot so I understand how badly you must want love but this is emotionally abusive. I pray you wake up sooner rather than later and see the relationship for what it actually is. Until then, I’ll go about my life praying for you and missing you.
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self.offmychest
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Is there any way to see professional help even if you can't afford it? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I can't take this shit anymore I hate my job, I hate going to school, I've started hating my dad, I hate coming home everyday to not be allowed to do anything, I hate everything. I don't want to be alive, but I also don't want to leave my tortoise, mom, or friends. Hell, I even don't want to leave my car. I feel like I'm not good at being a human. I can't even do something as apparently simple as talk to a fucking stranger, and then my dad gets angry at me for it. I can't do things that should come naturally to a normal person, and I get in trouble for it. I know it's a really bad form of introversion, but my parents both say it can go away, and they've been saying that for the past decade or so. There's so much stress that I have to deal with; having to find a stupid college to go to because the parents said so, finding something to do with other people (which has been going okay-ish), going to work, having to deal with school and homework, and my happiness (which I don't think anyone but me and maybe my tortoise cares about). I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Im feeling better today, im not going to do it Today i went round a new actual friend. She didnt mind chilling with me yesterday, walking to Maccie's with me and one of my other classmates today, and then she invited me into her house after College for a cup of tea (UK, love a cup of tea).
Im not feeling the need to self harm today, im not feeling as alone. Guy on guy 'friendships' (if you can call them that) are good and all but we often just take the piss out of each-other all the time, and whilst i do it alot to them i cant help feel terrible when they do it back to me.
I still feel like a piece of shit, i still dont understand why anyone would even do anything for me, i still like the idea of hanging myself. I still cant get myself motivated to do anything. And i still think im ugly as shit
And dispite other posts or comments ive made stating im not going to commit suicide, ive been thinking about doing it Jan 1st. A Sunday, i was born on a Monday and would act as a great new years resolution, started to think about my note alot too with basic draft in my head.
But now? This one act of actual kindness from a human being? The thing i thought wouldn't ever happen? Im not going to kill myself Jan 1st, im making this post to remind myself that when i feel like shit, when i want to self harm again, i can come back to this post and remind myself that its these things i live for.
I havnt been around anyone elses house in 5 years (I'm 17), ive had parties, never been invited to any, ive had people over, never been invited back. This one person inviting me into their house has, at least, changed my mind on my parting. I wouldnt say ive had a actual friend IRL in about 4 years too, and i might actually be making one.
I dont know, i just want to talk about a achievement i had today
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self.depression
|
Bipolar linked to childhood trauma?? share your story Hi everyone,
I read several research articles that stated people who have gone through extreme stressful events at a young age have a higher chance of developing mental illnesses like bipolar disorder.
I feel like the reason why I developed bipolar is because I grew up in a crazy household with constant fighting, went through many years of severe bullying and dealt with a lot of emotional abuse.
If I look back, I think it was certain that I inherently had ADHD inattentive. That is also a risk factor for developing bipolar. Combined with life events that transpired, I developed ultraradian bipolar II which is absolutely horrible since there is no extend period of rest (highs).
So if you have bipolar, have you gone through stressful or traumatic events when you were younger?
You don't have to be specific. I just wanted to see how many other people have had similar experiences as mine.
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self.bipolar
|
My profs emailed me today Ive been skipping parts of my 4.5 hour studio time to cry or just be alone in the bathroom. This recent project has been stressing me out so much... my ideas arent nearly as good or creative as anyone elses, and I never understand the methods my profs are going out of their way to teach me. Everyones projects are coming along so well and so far I have nothing. This class I left about an hour in and just sobbed in the bathroom. When I finally cleaned myself up, class was on break. I went back to my desk and realized the only reason I was there at that moment was because I had to be, but no one was going to stop me if I left. I packed up my stuff and passed both my profs on the way out, but didnt say anything. I left my class 2.5 hours early. I watched moana for the first time to see if it would lift my spirits (it did not) and passed out for 4 hours. I woke up to an email from my professors saying they were concerned about me leaving class early and to let them know how I am, and that my health is important to them. I dont know how to respond. On one hand, I could say I threw up and just wanted to get out of there. I really dont want them to know theres someone like me in their class. I feel like they should just take my attendence/participation points and end it at that, because this is university after all. What would you do?
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self.depression
|
Mesagge to all of us Sorry for my bad english...but in the last period i was thinking a lot about this disorder and i came to some conlusion that maybe can give some help or at least perspective to people that are suffering.U all rwmember that small moment from your life(when u had awesome trip with your relative or friend or when u have enjoying sunny day innocetly not thinking much about anything else...Do u remember how did u feel then?U could get happy by small things.What has actually changed?We have grown up,we have suffered,we have saw lot of things that have disturbed us.We have lost some friends forever due to their change or unfortunately due to stop of their existance.We have seen lot of unjustice in life,lots of peoplenhave betrayed us.Drugs weren't friendly as we have expected.So what can we learn?This will sound ignorant to some,to some maybe not but we have allowed to environment to shape us.We have allowed to give up from ouraelves and believe me only person that can push for u are yourselves are u.I know that it sounds like a clisé.Whatever drug that u use or whatever therapy or friend u call at help..at the end.all will depend on your will...So how can we come to that will?Let's start with small steps.Do something that u have never tried(drawning,singing how ever bad it sounded,writing diary)let try to move us.Matbe it will make us better or even more miserable but at the end u will get feeling that trying is not regret.I reassure u.And for people with chemical imbalance i want same same thing to do.Try again,try more.I don't want for u to give up.Lets try together reddit community.Let's unite,let's say no to depression :))
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self.depression
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What's wrong with me? I feel weak and shaky. I've been eating enough and living a healthy lifestyle. For a while, things weren't as bad as they were before. But all of a sudden things are getting bad again. I feel out of control. I feel bad. I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know what to do. I want to end it because then I won't have to feel this anymore. I hate myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am your enemy Your enemy is the only thing that you will ever be to me. I declare war on you fucker. Never hated gay guys until the incident you took advantage of me when I passed out on your couch. Was always hesitant to do something to you before. Honestly, my mind was fractured. Walked away with a hate of gays and transgenders because of your ass. Gonna find your ASS in the United States and fuck you up. You are the one that has sins to atone for. Putting the light on me this whole time trying to take away your shame. I'm better than you. Had to wait until I was drunk. Would've tried that shit on me while I was sober, would've kicked your ass. Ideally, will kick your ass. But gonna fuck your life a lot more than you did mine. A WHOLE me is a dangerous thing. Couldn't even pass the bar. Pathetic. You're fucked.
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self.offmychest
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I'm never going to be normal. Everyone around me is getting their life together. Graduating, getting married, having kids... I look at all the people I used to be friends with and all I feel is envy. Everyone is doing great. Everyone is filling out, growing up, and florishing as they get older. As I get older I just feel drained. Every passing day is hard, every decision is impossible, and every move I make seems to be the wrong one. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how many times I feel like today is the day I will figure it out, I never do. How am I supposed to figure anything out when I don't want to get out of bed, or leave the house, or feed the cat? How am I supposed to graduate with the constant reminder that I'm behind my peers? How do I make connections when I feel like everyone is looking at me with pity because they know what my life could have been, and instead they see where I ended up? How do I keep going forward when I know that I'm already behind?
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self.offmychest
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anxiety issues maybe relating to two medications, At a loss, please help I have GAD, and I am prescribed Mertazapine which acts as an all day medication which really does help a lot, and Klonopin 1mg twice a day, but I currently only taking one or half of one a day.
Right now I am in between homes and getting on the affordable housing list and living in the storage room of my dads print shop. I have internet (slow, but I'm not complaining) my TV, xbox one, laptop, my bed, couch, everything I really need.
My problem seems to come almost every day at around 6:30. I honestly don't know when it started, but it's been going on now for about 2 weeks straight and I can't seem to take my medication at the right time to combat this.
Every day at 6:30 or so, or within an hour of when my father leaves between 5:30 and 6, my anxiety kicks into maximum overdrive. I cannot stay still, I get paranoid about noises the pipe system makes and the people doing road work outside. I try to calm myself down, maybe play some video games or watch a movie, but nothing seems to work and I end up taking two Kpins under the tongue and passing out. The past 4 or 5 days I have been waking up at 3AM so that I will be asleep by the time the anxiety can start.
The other night I went over to my parents house for dinner and a shower, and I ended up staying until about 7 with no anxiety, and I hadn't even taken my anxiety meddication yet, so I think if I am with people the anxiety may not manifest.
I feel like it could be my medications because Mirtazapine I take at bedtime and it's supposed to last 24 hours, maybe 1) the medication is not at full strength by evening of the next day or 2) I am on the wrong dose.
It could be the Klonopin, I have heard that withdrawals usually start about 24 hours after your last dose, could that be happening?
I don't really know what's going on, all I know is that it's diminishing my quality of life incredibly and I don't want to keep feeling this way anymore.
Would taking my klonopin at say, 4PM before the evening help? The day that I was going to try that, I felt the anxiety feeling right before I took it so I jstu went to bed and haven't been able to try that
I'm freaking out, man
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self.Anxiety
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B-12 and other supplements Does anyone feel any positive change or see any differences while taking B12 or any other supplements. I know they aren't going to be game changers but any thoughts on how they affect us overall? And if so what kind of dosage
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self.depression
|
Sad loner just needs to talk. Hello guys,
I hope you're all doing ok and enjoying the rest of 2017.
I would like to talk to you about my insecurities and anxiety on social media. Long story short, after using Facebook and Twitter a lot to talk about everything from personal to political, I ended up completely stopping posting at all as I thought it was becoming toxic. I mean, expecting notifications all the time, fearing what people are going to say (I always assume I'm going to be insulted), I just felt ridiculous and decided to stop this non-sense. I deleted all my posts (on Reddit too) because I feel ashamed of everything I am and everything I say. I'm useless.
But the thing is I don't have friends. I have a boyfriend with whom I live, but we have no job, no occupation, no goals and it's not gonna going to change anytime soon with our depression, anxiety, OCD and so on... I feel like I just don't exist, for anyone. I'm so jealous of people who can communicate through their accounts, talk about their disease, what they're going through and have a hundred likes and people sending them support messages.
I wish I could be that kind of person. I wish I was less lonely. I wish random people cared about me. I wish I wasn't so cynical. I wish I was interesting, or at least pretty (because that's what makes someone interesting for most people apparently).
You know, I used to be that special kid, very smart, brilliant in everything she ever tried, people were jealous or admired me but it's over. Unfortunately, because of mental illness (and the lack of support/medical assistance) I haven't done anything in my life and I'm a wreck.
I'm dumb, ugly, I suck at everything and I have no social life. I'm writing this from my bed, I haven't showered in days. I don't even know what I expect from this thread. I'm just sad. I need to say it. I don't think I want to die, but I don't want to live either. I'm just so. so. so deeply sad...
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self.depression
|
Finding out my best friend doesnt consider me as their best friend is the most painful thing I've ever experienced. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel pathetic for taking too long to move on [deleted]
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self.depression
|
What do normal people do for fun, to pass time? All I do is waste my life watching skateboarding videos on youtube or something, never even enjoying it. How do normal people spend their time, it must be so much more productive than mine
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self.depression
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I feel like I'm drowning in a kiddy pool. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else mostly get depressed when they are under stress? It seems like whenever I'm in class, especially math, I get bad anxiety, my mind starts racing, and I have thoughts like wanting to get arrested on purpose so I could get away from my parents and the stress they cause. For some reason I like the idea of jail. Everyone is equal, nobody is having more fun than the other, and no regrets because there is no freedom to do anything you regret later. I would never do anything to hurt anyone though, just maybe break into a police car or something haha.
But like all my intrusive thoughts they are just my mind racing. I would never put my family through the financial stress of finding a lawyer to defend me, and I would likely just be given comunity service and it would all just be a waste of time then. Especially since I am upper middle class and white. But we don't have alot of money. I don't know if there's a name for having an above average income yet having little if any money left over at the end of the month.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I won't live a fulfilled life I'm short, fat, ugly, small penis, I feel like the epitome of unattractive. I'm 22 and never been in a relationship and I feel like I never will. I know there is more to life than just romance but I feel like a life without any intimacy isn't a full life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else feel like there should be a childhood bi-polar diagnosis? I read a lot of posts and stories online, and I think about myself and so many of us seem to have had symptoms early in our lives. I get that doctors don't want to give a diagnosis like that at such young ages for a lot of reasons, but I feel like it would've helped me a lot. Does anyone else feel upset that they didn't get a diagnosis soon enough almost? Do you think an earlier diagnosis would've helped you manage easier or change some part of your treatment/outcome?
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self.bipolar
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Flashes of dreams and/or images before a panic attack Hi All, I’m just curious if anyone else experiences this. I don’t do drugs and drink a small to moderate amount of alcohol. I have had several instances in which I quickly think of things that feel like memories but aren’t. I try to place them but can’t which increases my anxiety and usually results in a full blown panic attack. These memories come and go in seconds and I feel like I’m going insane. It usually lasts for about an hour and afterward I feel really weird and I have a hard time remembering things like what happened during the day. It just occurred a few hours ago and I was able to talk myself out of it a little but it is SUPER annoying and frustrating. I can be having a normal day and it just hits out of nowhere.
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self.Anxiety
|
Flipping a coin to determine if I pull the trigger [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Feeling like I'm beyond redeemable I keep trying to be a better person than I was in the past and I honestly feel like I have when it comes to the way I treat other people and gaining self-awareness. But there are times where I see myself and think about how I constantly screw up and my past actions and tell myself that I'm beyond redeemable. That it's just a ticking time bomb and that my world is going to fall apart at any moment. I truly feel like I don't deserve happiness and when I feel happy or good about things, I quickly tell myself that I'm an awful person. All of these things are because of stuff I brought on myself, but I wish I knew what to do going forward.
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self.depression
|
Regardless of your situation or family dynamics, have a Happy Thanksgiving! Eat, drink (or don’t), and be merry!
I’m very thankful to have this community to vent and communicate with.
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self.Anxiety
|
I went swimming. You know I never really learnt how to swim, I just did not have the opportunity. And today I was just in a weird mood so I went to the local pool and swam, for around 2 hours. When I was swimming I went to the deep end, because i'm mildly tall and won't drown there. It was almost empty except for this one girl, see I tried to mind my own business but before I could figure out what was happening I felt her hands run up and down my body, playing with me like I am some toy- I'm not a toy. I don't want to tell my girlfriend out of fear of her reaction. And I swam away. The women climbed out of the pool and left. See I was wearing a V neck swim suit and I just wrapped myself in it trying to erase her fingerprints. I picked up my hair climbed out of the pool and went home. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
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self.depression
|
Freaking out about grades
I feel like shit because I am not getting optimal grades my junior year of high school. Freshman and sophomore year I graduated with a 3.6 and 3.8 GPA respectively. But now, currently when I’m typing this post, my GPA rests at a 3.0. I feel so screwed right now and feel terrible because my peers are getting so much better grades than I am.
I don’t plan on going to a competitive college when I’m finished with high school. In fact, the college that I want to go to to get my general studies classes out of the way has a really high acceptance rate, around 85%. I still don’t know how a 3.0 GPA will match up against that.
I currently am doing theatre after school and I was told that plays and musicals look good on your transcript. Is that true? Because I hope it is. I need all the help I can get.
I understand I slacked off and fucked off up until this point. But I want to correct my mistakes moving forward. Do I still have a chance to redeem myself this junior year? Or is the damage already done?
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self.offmychest
|
I may as well be in prison. I'm trapped. I can't find a job, which means I can't earn any money, which means I spend my days and nights locked in my parents house. It's an on going cycle, it's been happening for the past year and I'm about to lose my fucking mind!
Hardly anybody gives me a fucking interview for the job's I apply for, and when I get one I never hear back! Ever. On top of that I'm basically confined to my own little box room in my parents house; who, by the way, hate that I'm still living here -- and I have zero friends. They've all abandoned me because they've got better jobs and better lives and I'm just stuck here watching the minutes tick by.
The only difference between inmates and me is that I have access to the internet which is a great way to kill time. I can log on at 10am and the next thing I know it's 10pm and I get to sleep for 14 hours.
Everything I do to try and improve my life just isn't working. It's like everybody goes out of their way to fuck me over.
I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!!!
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self.offmychest
|
I don't know if I want to see where my life goes from here [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I realized I have depression this week and it's just so weird to think about [deleted]
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self.depression
|
bye Since the best thing that people can tell me is "your scars can't be that bad" it is time for me to move on. That's why I have a loaded shotgun with which I'm going to blast my face off shortly. Thank you for understanding.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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