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I really want somebody to put a bullet in my head [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Depression or Dissociation? Anyway, school is going terribly and i want everything to stop Posted this a while back in the DID thread, but not sure if it's more of a depression or anxiety thing... anyway
I think the only reason I was kind of fine before is because I completely absorbed myself in computers (taught myself a few programming languages, malware analysis, networks, have two laptops and switch between 4 or 5 operating systems within a day - to give you an idea(please talk to me if you're a nerd like this)).
I'm around 20 years old. I got into an ivy league school in NYC, but my first attempt didn't go so well due to financial reasons. I had to leave after a few weeks of starting school. I don't have a family, so I was kind of floating around the rest of the academic year doing random dev jobs in the city. I was readmitted the year after, but school takes up so much of my time that (even though I am a CS major), I can't do what lets me stay in reality. I began to lose focus, and after more than a year, it's gotten incredibly bad. I forget entire days. I don't finish my homework on time, and if I try to do it, I can't focus and it looks like jumbled characters. I can't even do simple python assignments, which frustrates me beyond belief.
Apparently, I disappeared from my responsibilities for more than a day. I checked my location tracker (which I had to turn on despite how much I hate the idea of google storing your information). I had been in Chelsea for the entire time, and there were three programs on my computer that I don't remember writing.
I know I'm getting worse. I don't have friends either, so there's nobody to keep tabs on me. I have a psychotherapist, but she doesn't really help much. I'm not good at holding conversations, so I guess this is mostly my fault.
I'm scared I won't be able to graduate.
The worst thing is I can't pinpoint a single traumatic event in my life. It's more like everything could be considered a trauma. I didn't have any childhood friends- moved to a different school each year if I was lucky (I once went to a school for one week). One of my earliest memories is lying to a group of armed soldiers who were blocking the road. Around this same time, I saw a few deaths involving a lot of blood. Two of my uncles disappeared when I was a kid, and my father disappeared when I was about 10 during the Mexican Cartel wars. As I said before, I was homeless as an 18 year old in New York, by which time I was already hardened up by life far too much to give a d*mn. The only living family member I have is my mother, who I don't really talk to.
I'm getting worse, and I really can't function in society.
This past week has been pretty bad, I guess.
I know my grades aren't good enough to pass, and it's not that I don't know the material (I had taken two of the courses last semester but was unable to finish and my grades were twice what they are now. Yes, I am saying that my current grades are below a 50 in about half of my classes).
I got called in for a disciplinary meeting regarding some things I did on a computer (not in trouble though).
My teachers seem to hate me, and I can't process the idea of getting through two or three more years of this.
Even if I did, what would I do next?
I can't do anything.
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self.depression
|
Calling all dual diagnosis friends! Hey all. So I had a really interesting meeting with my psychiatrist today. I’m diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and Borderline Personality Disorder. My psych was talking about how the interplay between my two conditions made my bipolar quite a bit more severe. Basically my PD triggers mood swings in my bipolar. Interesting stuff but frustrating having both conditions. I’m wondering if any of you guys have a dual diagnosis like me, and how you live with it? Thanks!
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self.bipolar
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Bipolar UK mood scale So, I'm tracking my moods, and the scale that my app (eMoods, yay) uses is a scale of NONE - 3. I have to fill in the blanks with journal descriptions from there.
So I was quite pleased to come across the [Bipolar UK Mood Scale](https://www.bipolaruk.org/FAQs/mood-scale), which defines a scale from 0-10 spanning multiple symptoms from severe depression to euthymia to severe mania that I can be exhibiting. Frankly, I'm a 2-3 right now, but I'm still managing to get work done. Some rushing, repetitive thoughts as well.
I hope this helps someone learn to understand their moods a bit more and communicate them more easily. Hugs
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self.bipolar
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Is being manic the same thing as having a nervous breakdown? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I feel like everyone has some form of social anxiety and if i speak to my work they will just be like 'don't we all' I didn't understand it at first, around 3 - 4 years ago I started getting really flustered when speaking to people or even just being out shopping and seeing a friend. I would have to avoid them at all costs.
It recently started to affect my work (programmer) as my confidence was so low as I was worrying about my work, clients etc. I also seem to get a 'foggy brain' where if I am struggling with something I cannot think and my vision gets blurred, headache etc.
I recently decided to call my GP to seek advice as my partner wanted me too. I have called multiple times but not yet got through.
However I have seen one of my boss's retweet something about anxiety week, another employee also tweet something and then someone else I know in the industry mention something on twitter too.
I want to explain to my boss's why my work has slipped but feel like if i tell them im struggling with this or anyone else that it will just be a 'well we all have problems' or 'we all get flustered' or 'yeah I had anxiety once'.
I feel like its not a big issue to anyone else and that I am making a big deal of it by bringing it up with them.
Anyone else been in a similar situation with work and telling work colleagues / bosses?
:(
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't have any sense of identity! I've never felt like I've had any sense of identity, everyday I feel like a bland human being who is just here to work for other people until I die.
One of my best friends is a lesbian and she has a great sense of identity, I'm been thinking of going gay just for the sake of having an identity because right now, I just feel like bland white straight guy number 500,000.
My life is nothing but boring and uninteresting. You have to be someone different in order to be happy. I've considered becoming a woman, or like I said before, turn gay!
But I guess that can not happen. So I'll just kill myself instead.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What 2 years of hooking up "taught" me, did it make me better it worse? **First, let me say I apologize for the wall text. I'm just spewing word vomit**
I'm 20 and I've spent years (only 2) hooking up and having sex. I used to be attached to people so easily, any date or hookup I'd automatically begin thinking of *us* and be upset if they didn't text back. So, my friend told me to stop caring, and just kinda say "fuck it" to hookup emotions. Which I eventually did, maybe it's my number that helped me just not give a fuck (in the early 50s, I get tested after every partner.) or if I actually don't give a fuck. I think I still kinda do, but I'm not too sure. I'm so afraid of catching "feelings" but I crave them. I crave a relationship. I crave someone. So, when I crave someone? I guess I go to hookups. All humans crave intimacy but even with hookups I still crave more, it's like there's a missing piece im searching for, and of course some of you are shaking your heads saying "ya think?"
But there's this guy, we've only been texting because we're on break and can't meet up until we're back on campus but there's something about him I haven't felt with anyone before. I know when he's asleep, when he wakes up and I always wait for him to text me so we can have our daily routine of "sun up til sun down" texting. But I know, I know in my heart it's just a hookup thing. I've planned hookups that had to wait over breaks and usually we don't talk at all and just message each other when we're back. Not all times of prolonged talking gets me this way, I don't know what makes him different.
I know I'm jumping ahead of myself, we're in college and we met on tinder. Hell, he probably fucked as much or more people than I did and he's definitely not looking for a relationship. I don't know if I'm searching for someone or 'something'. Maybe there's a missing gap in my life? Maybe I just use people. I use them for sex, for company, and mistake that for love. All these people around me seem to get in relationships so easily, and me? I'm just around having sex until someone inevitably, hopefully, wants a relationship with me. But that's what I'm afraid of : a relationship. Is this because it seems that's when my 'fears' will come out I guess. One of them is the obvious "no more freedom" one. I want freedom/sex but I want to have someone I can always count on, someone who's there for me ya know?
So, what did I learn after 2 years of hookups? I'm the same person I always was I just learned how to ignore my emotions more. I ignore feelings of love, I ignore attachment and anything that comes along with it because every time I let someone get to me it fucked me over. I'm not blaming them at all, I'm blaming myself. I got attached too quickly to people. So, where could this stem from? Maybe my emotionally abusive mom. I know for a fact I'm nurturing to my friends and what not so I can kinda be the mother I wanted but never had. I want something constant, something I can control. I can control hookups, and make them as constant as I want, the only thing constant about my childhood was abuse. I would go to school and get bullied and come home and get bullied by my mom. "Of course no one likes you, you're fat and ugly" : is my string of hookups a way to prove her wrong? Even if she doesn't know, it's something I know.
I still don't know why I'm craving a relationship with this guy, when I know he's just as bad if not worse as men when it comes to hookups. Tbh I don't know why I crave relationships anyways
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self.offmychest
|
Another one of those days Why am I like this??
I’ve distanced myself from all my friends because I wanted to be alone. Then I feel desperately lonely and can’t bring myself to reach out to anyone.
The slightest raised tone of voice or argumentative attitude or displeased expression on someone’s face - directed towards me - I become incredibly depressed and want to curl up and die.
I want to cry and sleep my life away until the feelings of aching loneliness are gone. Or at least until I can forget the disappointment on that person’s face.
I feel so alone, stuck in a house 24/7 unable to leave because I’m scared. I have to hold in my tears until I’m exhausted and in bed at 10pm every night so my parents never see my tears and ask what’s wrong.
I know I won’t stop crying then.
The only reason I’ve not killed myself is because of my two puppies. It would be irresponsible of me to leave them like that. And they make me feel not so lonely, until I remember I have no one to really speak to about anything. Not even my gamer friends speak to me much.
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self.depression
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How to spend £60,000.00 before my death. I have £60,000.00 in the bank. I really want to die. And will probably kill myself shortly, as the thought is getting so frequent now it is ridiculous.
Anyway, the point in the post, what shall I do with the money? Gamble it on one number? £60,000's worth of lottery tickets? I don't really care, but I like the gambling idea as I think, if I lose, then death, if I win, then I have an out!
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self.depression
|
Super high stress this week Go live for a major project next week has me on high anxiety mode. Meds are not helping. Feeling like I’ve been so stressed for such a long stretch of time. Will my stomach ever return to its normal function....😱
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self.Anxiety
|
Stuck I feel like killing my self, it’s been lingering in my head for weeks and each day I’m closer to breaking. No one knows and I doubt anyone would want to hear it. I’m so disappointed it’s a new year, more isolated than the last. I have zero support and I don’t know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Dealing with the loss of my life and appearance So I'm female, 31, and I never dated or even kissed anyone. Recently I've begun looking VERY haggard, old and unattractive.
I feel that my chance at happiness or joy is now gone. I'm disgusted by the appearance of my skin and hair and there's no changing this. It's not like weight, where you can just lose it. No one could ever be physically attracted to me. It's very sweet for people to say otherwise, but it's simply not true.
I'm trying to think what there is to live for in life. I know that our physical appearance is just an outer shell, doesn't represent what's on the inside, but to say it doesn't matter is so so false.
I guess there are still things to enjoy in life, things that don't have to do with my body. But the things that do have to do with the body, such as love and sensuality are something I always yearned to experience and now I won't be able to. It's a hard pill to swallow. A pill I don't know if I can live with.
I post this to see if there is anyone who relates. I try talking to people about this and they don't understand. They really really don't.
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self.depression
|
Got a job offer. Been working for 3 years for a company where i really like working, my boss is cool, my coworkers are cool and i don't hate the work.. it can be a bit tedious at times, but generally it's okay.
what has been annoying me though is the pay, i am generally getting paid 3/4ths of what a person with my education and experience get paid on average and after 3 years i still haven't reached the pay level i had in my old job.. this is something i've mentioned for 2 years now with the same answer "we just don't have the possibility to give you such a raise"..
and for now i have accepted that, i like my job, mostly because of my coworkers. but it has been bugging me more and more.
today i got an offer, an offer that would further my career into a more leadership oriented position and with the pay that i actually want.
i am really considering it, i like my job and my coworkers.. but i also have to think of my future.
i just really hate huge changes like this.
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self.offmychest
|
No fair that i don't qualify for food stamps :( I'm basically poor. I go to school full time and work before classes start but i still struggle. $30,000 in debt almost but you want to tell me I don't qualify for food stamps? I don't even make up to 800 a month. It makes me sad that people that get these kind of benefits don't work and the government literally give them money for nothing.
Don't get me wrong, i know some people deserve it. But some don't. A lot of people don't. Their out here selling drugs or selling their cards out here for cigarettes or $300 shoes. Some people would actually want that card so they don't starve for the whole week.
Sigh.. so frustrating. But things will be ok i guess..
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self.offmychest
|
Getting dumped via text message really caught me off guard. You were so incredibly sweet to me. You went to all the McDonald’s in the area to get all the Pokémon toys. You would cut my hair and dye it cool colors. You made me feel important and I knew you thought about me. I remember why I gave you my number that day we met while you were working; your energy drew me in. Our first date was almost out of a storybook. I fell for you very quickly(and maybe I shouldn’t have) Everything was perfect until very recently. I got upset that you didn’t have a lot time to see me, and I lashed out and that was unfair of me, but I quickly apologized, but you just shut me out rather than letting me tell you that it was because I missed you. I’m sorry I was being immature. I still can’t believe how you broke up with me over text while you knew I was at work. That was completely unfair even if I did hurt you in anyway; which I’m sure I did, but still, a fucking breakup text. You’ve lost someone who would do anything for you. I still love you hunter, and I know you’ll never talk to me again. And that is incredibly hard to deal with right now.
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self.offmychest
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What is rhe psychology behind weird thoughts like this? I have a unique humor, ways to pump myself up like going in public or a class maybe with strangers, authority types but I enjoy it in a challenge sort of way like what would Colin Kaepernick or whichever celeb I use in any given situation do or what is he doing while I'm here,what would he think if he was here or i'll picture him mowing his yard, sleeping while I'm there
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self.Anxiety
|
Finally starting therapy to help deal with my anxiety. Last Tuesday, I had a panic attack which led to several days of severe anxiety and paranoia. Taking the Ativan was making me a total zombie and was actually making my anxiety worse.
I found a therapist and had my first session and it was so nice to speak to a mental health professional who made me feel normal. She told me that the Ativan may not be the best thing for me and to discuss Xanax with my primary. The next day, I spoke to my primary, got the prescription and am feeling much better.
I'm really looking forward to my next visit with my therapist and getting to the root of my anxiety so I can start to deal with it for real.
Thank you to everyone hear for all of your stories, tips, and love. You are all great and none of us are alone in this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Slept with Ambien now very alert and activated... Had a long string of broken sleep so my doctor prescribed a few ambien to try and reset my sleep pattern. It worked, I slept well last night but now its got me a little worried in that I'm normally kinda tired in the afternoon, but I'm just buzzing with energy and don't want to sit still at all. Thing is I was kinda depressed for the last couple months from grieving, but I don't feel depressed at all now. Isn't that backwards? Shouldn't the sleep correction keep me from going up? Or maybe I just don't remember what well rested felt like and I'm back in business? ???
I am going to stay on instruction of course and see how it works out, but a few words of wisdom would certainly be welcome.
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self.bipolar
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The King That Never Was Once upon a time, in a village unknown. There lived two brothers, Kain and Leba.
Kain was a smart and ambitious young farmer. He was also hardworking, and aspired to become a great ruler.
Unlike Kain, Leba loved to fish. Leba was always seen laying by the creek. He was known to be good at nothing, yet he never seemed to be bothered by it.
As the new season started, Kain brought forth a basket of figs as a gift to the Village Chief.
**"The finest of the village! The finest of my harvests! The finest of figs!"**
**"Hmm. Very Well!"** The Village Chief replied.
But Leba was nowhere to be seen, as he continued fishing by the creek.
The next season, Kain arrived with a basket of olives.
**"The finest of the village! The finest of my harvests! The finest of olives!"**
**"Hmm. Very Well!"** The Village Chief replied.
But Leba was still nowhere to be seen, as he continued fishing by the creek.
The next season came. However, Kain was much more exited this time.
**"The finest of all fruits! The finest of my harvests! The finest of apples! All for you, great Village Chief!"**
**"Hmm. Very Well!"** The Village Chief replied.
Yet Leba was still nowhere to be seen, as he continued to fish by the creek.
*Kain dashed out of the village to seek Leba.*
**"O Brother you're a fool, can't you stop doing nothing? You have brought nothing but shame to me!"** Kain exclaimed.
And to this Leba shook his head and replied:
**"Kain, your hard work has brought smile to the villagers. However has your hard work ever gave you a glimpse of happiness?"**
Now furious, Kain exclaimed:
**"I will be happier than you have ever been Leba! Be gone before you shame me even more."**
And so Leba left the village, exiled from his brother's mind. Yet no one questioned Leba's whereabouts.
Soon, Kain was appointed as the new Village Chief.
Yet he still felt empty...
A darkness that was **enveloping** him...
**"Oh Village Chief! You have the blessings of the villagers, you surely must be happy!" said the village advisor.**
Kain smiled.
The darkness then retreated.
*Months became years and Kain started to think of his brother.*
**Knock Knock**
Kain turned the knob, relieved to see his brother Leba standing strong and healthy.
**"Oh brother I have missed you so! Have you come to your senses yet Leba?"** questioned Kain.
And to this Leba shook his head and replied:
**"Kain, your hard work has brought prosperity to the village. However has your hard work ever gave you a glimpse of happiness?"**
Now furious, Kain exclaimed:
**"I will be happier than you have ever been Leba!"** He slammed Leba against the concrete wall, then dragged and imprisoned Leba in his room.
Soon, the village flourished and became a bustling town under Kain's management.
Yet he still felt empty...
A darkness that was **engulfing** him...
**"Oh Mighty Ruler! You have the blessings of the many other kings, you surely must be happy!"** said his advisor.
Kain smiled. The darkness then retreated.
*Months became years and Kain started to think of his brother again.*
And so, Kain went to visit Leba.
**"Oh brother forgive me please! Have you come to your senses yet?"** Kain pleaded.
And to this Leba replied:
**"Kain, your hard work has brought gold and riches to our home. However has your hard work ever gave us a glimpse of happiness?"**
Now enraged, Kain unsheathed a dagger from under his robe and thrust it through Leba's heart.
Leba fell, slowly yet calmly.
Peering at the mirror beside him, Kain saw it for the first time.
His own smile.
His own cold limp body. Lifeless, yet liberated.
**"I will be happier than you have ever been Leba! Be gone, away from my mind!"** Kain whimpered while wallowing in his tears.
*Minutes became hours, and soon Kain laid on his bed, a dying old man.*
Yet he still felt empty...
A darkness that was **gripping** him...
In desperation, Kain's advisor called forth the kingdom's greatest priest.
**"Oh Priest pity me so... My death is near, and I feel so empty..."** Kain gasped.
The Priest took hold of Kain's hands and proudly exclaimed:
**"Oh Mighty King! You have even the blessings of our Almighty God! How blessed your life must be!"**
But this time, the darkness didn't stop.
It started to **Swirl...**
It started to **Twirl...**
**Dancing** around Kain with opened jaws.
As Kain drew his last breath, he wondered:
**"Why did I lose myself?"**
**Munch Munch, Chomp Chomp, Gobble Gobble, Gulp**
**-Akira Kibau**
Hello guys, I'm sorry that I posted this story without explaining myself at the start. I figured that writing a simple story like this would make it easier for people to understand. I've told my friends and family about my feelings, about my sadness. Yet all they did was shrug it off and said it was nothing and everyone feels sad at some point. Writing this story, it sort of lifted a burden from my chest. Its the first time I have ever materialised my thoughts and emotions. Although I'm admittedly not a good writer, I feel that I just need some form of release and support now.
Thank you for taking the time to read through my ramble. Have a nice day.
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self.offmychest
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Tired of being celebrated as a strong independent single mom because my anxiety reminds me that I am alone and I am broken. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't like the office of my PDOC, because of a few crazy people I saw there. (I know I know, just hear me out). [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
How to be vulnerable with people again? I’m terrified of opening up to people and come off as cold and uninterested because of it and I hate that.
I’m lonely, but I have no energy to go out all the time and it’s horribly difficult to just open up to people about shit.
Sometimes I open up and make myself vulnerable and the reaction I get always seems uncomfortable, regardless of the fact that I see these people all the time and talk with them all the time.
I know some people don’t know how to emotionally respond to people who open up to them.
I guess I just haven’t been very fortunate with my attempts.
I’m not mean at all, I’m friendly and very understanding, but I do not expose my pain and my real negative emotions to anybody unless I am literally bursting at the seams with the pain.
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self.depression
|
Having anxiety knowing the cause but still wanting to do that thing? So although this is not my first post now using and alt account for a few reasons.
When me and my ex broke up things went sour really fast, it left me being physically ill for weeks. Finally we are talking again but now after getting better I am starting to feel nauseous again, I really want for us to be able to talk and make things right but my body is trying to stop me.
I don't know what to do and was wondering if anybody else has had anything like this whilst trying to make up with someone and how they overcame it.
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't get why i'm still here. I need a reason not to end it.
If i die, my mom gets the help she needs.
She deserves to live more than i do.
no one but her will miss me.
I’ve done what i’ve been told to do. nothing has changed.
I Want this to be over. I need a break from this hell.
After monday I don’t know if there is money in the bank. so no food.
I can’t do anything. I need to die. I do nothing that makes my life worth it.
I’m so tired. it’s been five years, each one worse.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Here are my thoughts from my darkest place Its weird. I always wish I'd done things earlier in life because I feel like they'd make my life now better. But instead of trying to do things now to make my future life happier like I wish I'd done sooner, I just lament and cry.
I'm often told that life gets better and I just have to wait, but maybe once every month or sometimes every other month some part of me knows that just isn't true. Waiting won't bring anything, I need to take some sort of action... But in ways I just don't want to. I feel there is no value in anything I do and that working hard is just a waste of energy and will bring about more pain.
I often wonder what's wrong with me as the world rejects me at every turn. And that the only person who doesn't reject me I can't do anything for, and even the fact they don't reject me is brought into question when I make a mistake.
I hide away in stories because often they have better outcomes than what I see for my life. But also for that reason I hate stories with sad endings, I can't stand them. There was a movie... Freedom Writers, where the girl gets upset over Anne Frank being captured. That it's a bad ending, and it makes her feel her own life is hopeless too.
I hate the self righteous people who talk about suicide and how its not hopeless and there are people who care about you. That's not the fucking point. Not every person who is suicidal is the same, so I'll only address it from my situation. It's not all about if people care about me... I'm extremely selfish, and I accept that. I want relationships that I can proudly protect and say that no one else can have it... And honestly even if I have those, I don't know if they'd fix anything. But I need something to seek out, something to try and obtain. Some reason to live.
Rejection isn't the only cause for hating myself though. Weakness is another reason I hate myself. I can't stay committed to goals I put out. I have a number of bad habits. Sometimes I want misfortune to befall my friends... And it's not even so I can comfort them and feel important. It's so I feel like I'm not the only miserable one for once.
Music is a good solace for me... Sometimes. I like to stew in my own misery. When I'm heart broken love songs are what I listen to amplify the pain. In the same way that when I'm sad I like to watch sad movies or tear jerkers. It's my form of binge eating... A way to try and rip the emotion and pain out of me and nullify it by burning myself out.
I wonder what made me like this sometimes. I think a lot. Recently I wondered if I'd be better off if my mother hadn't died. Probably. I wonder if I my choices are made because of some sort of trauma from not having a mother, and a father who is always mad at the world. It makes me hate the world even more.
I've dreamed about my dad dying, because of the attention I'd get from those around me in the immediate aftermath. But I also think about having nothing left to hold me back at that point, so after all is set and done I can kill myself. I honestly think it's a race against the clock at this point, and I'm not even sprinting or struggling to survive. With my dad's health he could die tommorrow or he could die in years. And I'll die when he does unless I find someone else to keep me afloat.
I don't like the idea of taking medicine to solve my woes. It's like taking a happy pill. Using drugs to hide from yourself, to stop being yourself. I also don't think there's anything wrong with that on the other hand, because we're all just the result of chemicals anyways and we are always changing. So why should drugs or pills be any different or taboo? Yet I still can't bring myself to accept that because I have some sense of self, and that even if my self is miserable I don't want not be me.
I honestly don't know what I want to do with this. Am I typing it for catharsis? Do I want to post it somewhere or give it to someone? Do I want it left behind for someone to read when I'm dead? Maybe all of the above.
I think the fact that I haven't killed myself yet is another part of my weakness. That I'm afraid to die despite hating life so much. And I hate the people who say that continuing to live despite hating myself is brave. ITS NOT. I continue to live because I can't kill myself. There's nothing BRAVE about not having a choice.
I feel like its a vicious cycle. Does my hatred for myself make me a hypocrite? Because I hate every trait about myself that I see in other people. If I see any of myself in others then I start to hold disdain for them. Even my dad from whom my traits might derive. I can't stand these things about my self in anyone.
I've been trying to find out recently to find out why I'm so fucked in the head. Trauma seems like a good scapegoat. I have trust issues. I have attatchment issues when I do trust someone. I'm clingy. I'm jealous, insanely jealous. I'm extremely selfish too, like I said earlier. I want someone to call mine and that more importantly that I can say I'm theres. Somewhere I belong.
I think I only can exist at streams. Like I don't have a filter. I'm too nice or I'm too mean. Maybe it's why I can't find someone special. I hear being too nice drives people away from relationships so I try to mix it in with being a bit of an ass at times... But when I do I go too far or I do it too much.
I think about getting a gun sometimes. I'd have to go to a gunshow or get a license though. I just want something that if I ever felt strong enough despair I could pull the trigger and end my life. Something there and at the ready in the event I can finally kill myself.
I live in fantasy. Somewhere I can pretend to be someone else. Someone happier. Someone who's loved or important. I don't think people fully understand that because it sounds like I already have it. I want to be loved and important beyond just being a human. I don't think just existing deserves those things, like people assume that I am. "There are people who love you." There's a person who loves me, because I am his child. I didn't earn that love, they don't love me for who I am. They love me because I am. Nothing else. If I had no relation to him he wouldn't even acknowledge me.
I'm tired of writing, and rereading this to proof read it I really don't care to. I'm just going to look for somewhere to post it for attention. For someone's acknowledgement. I told you I'm selfish. I sort of hope that someone takes a different view of depression from this too though. That someone realizes that depressed people aren’t all saints to be helped or coddled, just because they haven’t done anything bad doesn’t mean those thoughts don’t exist. It doesn’t mean that I’m not a very twisted person.
Because I do not know how it reddit will perceive my given thoughts on medication, I’ll add that these are my own thoughts and warped morals. If it wasn’t clear I’m screwed in the head and no one should be taking advice from me on the ethics of medication.
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self.depression
|
I don’t really go outside or leave he house. Anyone else? I don’t really go outside. I don’t work so I don’t even really leave the house. I try to get out sometimes for a few minutes just to get out but then I start to get anxiety so I go back inside. Half the days I don’t even get dressed, I just lay on the couch and watch tv and YouTube all day until my gf comes home from work to see she’s just disappointed once again. Then repeat the next day. Anyone else?
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self.depression
|
Sometimes I️ go to sleep with hope that when I️ wake up everything will be fine
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self.depression
|
I'm going to be alone forever I just got rejected by a girl that I've had feelings for for as long as I can remember. What the fuck
I'm just going to die alone I guess. I'm never going to find a bloody girlfriend. That's all I want in life, a girlfriend. But clearly there's fucking no one out there for me so might as well just blow my brains out I guess. What even is the point anymore
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self.depression
|
Comparing myself to my SO This past year it feels like my anxiety and stress has gotten a lot worse. It's like every day I'm anxious or stressed about family, my tasks at work, and making plans for future weeks/months. It sucks to be anxious all the time but I can usually get past it (my methods are still a work in progress). There is another reason I get anxious though and it really bothers me and I don't know how to stop it.
I never thought I compared myself to people. However, I've recently noticed I always have a feeling of dread and anxiety when my SO starts talking about work and school with others. We used to work together at a college. He had been there 2 years before I started. Before we became a couple this year he got a job at a better college and is currently taking classes where he works. He is a couple years older but seems so on top of things that I feel like I should know what I want to do.
I get so stressed about my job but I'm scared to leave. Anytime anyone mentions interviews I instantly get anxious even though I have nothing to do with the interviews. There is no moving up in my job and no majors for me to get into at the college. I feel like I need to decide what to do before I move on. I want to take classes but don't have the money to take them unless I find a better college to work at. If I think about really leaving I get anxious about the length of time I'll have to be at a new job before I can move on to get into something I want (which I don't know what it is I want) after I get my masters. In the past I got a full time job after college because I felt like I had to. I ended up leaving after 3 months and regret having that on my resume.
I'm sure that was a little rambly, sorry. Can anyone else relate? How do you deal with it?
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self.Anxiety
|
Getting through transition of switching medication Looking for some advice.
I had been on Lexapro and Wellbutrin since I was in high school. My doctor did a genetic test that said Lexapro wasnt as effective as other ssri's so she started me on pristiq. I started pristiq which caused me to have horrible headaches and nausea. Now I am transitioning onto fetzima. For the past week I've had more headaches and nausea. And to top it off I've been light headed and my anxiety is back.
I've been in bed for 4 days straight. I took off work today but I'm terrified of going back.
I don't know what to do and I'm really scared I'm going to have a panic attack at work. I am a teacher so I can't really just leave the room to calm down or take more time off.
My doc said it will be two weeks before I feel back to normal. Any advice on what to do to help me get through this shit show?
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self.Anxiety
|
Tried to kill myself yesterday, don't know what to do now. Yesterday night I got very drunk and tried to hang myself again. This wouldn't be anything new except for the fact that I face timed some friends while I was strangling myself. I don't know if I'll even be able to talk to them after that.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting my BA Accomplishment in a reality that uses a perception of truth is mediocre at best. But it is an accomplishment and should be celebrated. I found a lot of like-minded individuals who only run on hope, who understand there are no absolutes.
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self.depression
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my cat died and now I want to kill myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just wanted to talk – Long post Its been 2 years since, I am fighting this. Every few months, I gather, muster everything I have, concentrate everything I have and try to live like a normal person aka get my life back on track. Some of you may know, how hard it is to just get out of the bed everyday, do daily chores and go to college/work/school etc. exercise, talk with people, even as one step at a time. Anybody who has tried to even do one of these things know, how much energy is required to do any one of these things, yet I muster it. Thing is, after few weeks, and 8-10 successful days, I go back to my shell, start no showing college, stop/linger before brushing and bathing or doing daily chores and procrastinate or whatever people in depression do everyday( which is nothing, I know).
I have suicidal thoughts, everyday. I feel like killing myself, or at least imagining it. You can assume anything – I am too coward or too brave to do it, its ur perception of reality. I have lost weight, I do not feel hungry and I am always sleepy, yet can’t sleep at night. I am tired of mustering everything and giving it all and then just going back to this pitiful, original state.
I have seen people here who are in their 40s and are still fighting it. As a person who is just 19, I don’t want to live like that for rest of my life or waste my prime years doing nothing.
People say that success is the best drug and I agree with them. Most of us(humans) never find success. I have seen a lot of it. I had these Ideal student awards for like 4 years consecutively ( Jr high and high school) from school and once even from cities’ education council. I was the star sports-player for my school in at least 3, I have participated in science projects which have made it national level and made it in papers. Elocution contests, spelling bees , quiz, U name it, I have won it. I have numerous medals, scholarships etc. I was getting top marks like it was nothing. Back then, Sky was the limit for me.
Now, imagine same person like this – barely getting passing grades in the college( may not even clear this semester), Nothing to be excited about, just nothing about me which will excite you. I am like one of those background characters who are so inconsequential that camera doesn’t even bother showing their faces correctly. Its like I hide myself so that no one is society sees me. ( teachers and friends forget that I attended lecture or social gatherings etc, hell, one of teachers asked me if he even taught me before on my viva), or Social anxiety, panic attacks, its like everything came in the package with depression. None of my friends/family will tell u this though. Its like I wear this mask or say ‘keep a fake me’ around, which is only off when I am alone and I am tired of doing this.
Everything used to be fun, now no matter how many hours I study or how many books, videos and music I listen to, there is just no motivation to do anything nor I find anything interesting.
I don’t feel like I am the same person I was these 2-3 years ago and I can see it in front of me. I am having these emotional breakdowns, suicidal thoughts. Its just that I am not this person who is typing this. A few months ago, I tried to let this everything go and live and restart my life once again, but its back to square one. I am tired of getting my shit together just to go back in this stupid state. Maybe I have hit rockbottom, maybe I was also supposed to become a cog in this society but I overachieved or something, so the world is balancing the stuff I don’t know. I have stopped blaming anything other than myself for this condition. I feel nothing for anyone alive or dead other than the puppy I adopted as I feel he is my responsibility and even then, its more like obligation rather than love.
I don’t belive me Karma because if I did, then I would have been in an asylum trying to prove why nothing good is happening with me. I have never done/said anything bad to anyone, Hell I have saved lives ( literally), made few lives better ( saved a couple of people from committing suicide or running from their homes) etc. if Karma existed, at the very least I won’t be hating my existence right now.
Anyway,A prisoner for who has spent 7-8 years in prison always feels comfortable in the prison rather outer world. Similarly, Some of the people feel comfortable in depression and after so many false tries, I am starting to feel same as if it’s the place I belong.
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self.depression
|
I tried to have fun today. I was trying to have fun. I was getting ready for a party and the more I thought about it, the less and less I liked the person in the mirror. My phone was beeping nonstop from a group chat I neglected to mute, and it was driving me insane. Without thinking, I grabbed it and flung it across the room. The screen is shattered and will not turn on anymore. Just another example of how Im an undeserving brat. Why do I try to have fun anymore?
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self.depression
|
Scared of injury. I think most people would be scared of injury, but I am irrationally traumatised by previous pain and injury. I can basically feel my pain months after it happens.
Around six months ago, while opening a box during my work in nightfill, I hurt my shoulder. I felt it go and knew something was wrong. I did some rotations and checks and it was painful, but I managed to play to the end, there was only thirty minutes left. The next morning, I couldn't move my shoulder over my hip.
I didn't raise it or go to hospital, because I did not want to make a big deal out of it, but went to an appointment with an employment agency and drove there and back, on occasion tweaking the shoulder and hurting it even more.
The next day it healed.
Around three months ago, I hurt my ankle, slipping on wet tiles. I tried walking, bloodied and barefooted, to the GP (general practitioner) but gave up halfway through when the swelling became too much. I commendered a local resident to drive me the rest of the way. I couldn't move my ankle a millimetre, but my brother-in-law came and got me to an radiology clinic where it was confirmed as a horrendous sprain, but nothing worse.
In late September, I was eating a double-choc Magnum, an extra thick coating. I bit straight through the coating, because I had to bite hard to get through it and got some serious sensitivity. I got sensitive teeth after I had a cleaning pre a jaw reconstruction. I lost the ability to talk for a good couple of minutes, but it was OK in the end.
Nowadays, however, I am scared of reinjuring my shoulder, knowing that the last time it happened, I was literally just doing what I normally do. I am scared of running, thinking I am going to roll my ankle and go through that again, and I cannot see an ice-cream without stuttering and seeing the clean tooth-mark where I felt the worst sensitivity I have ever known.
How do I get over injuries that happened so long ago?
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self.Anxiety
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not anxious when I have fever/flu. anyone else experience same?
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self.Anxiety
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The only person I wanted to spend my 18th birthday with cancelled on me I'm honestly pretty upset over it even though I shouldn't be. We were going to watch studio ghibli films and then she says she doesn't want and doesn't want to talk for the reest of the day. I was probably being too annoying so I got what I deserved.
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self.depression
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I can't hold on much longer. I don't think I want to. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anyone here worries about death and possible afterlives? **Please don't read this if you don't want to feed your imagination with worries about existence, reality, death, all that stuff. Get your anxiety in check first, or else your brain might make all this sound a lot worse than is is to the mentally-relaxed human :) Get well fast!**
I have a tendency to worry a lot about death and the possibility of an afterlife.
The way I see it, I came into being somehow and don't remember having chosen it, so after I die I could have my awareness instantly skip to the next thing, whatever it is, and possibly still with no control.
In other words, I'm scared of reincarnation.
On the other hand, nothing happening after death forever is also possible and not that much better.
I look around and see myself in the midst of this universe that is so strange and chaotic, and somehow within all this consciousness rises, apparently (sample size of one) into a savage environment where every being is fighting to exist, because the ones who don't stop existing very quickly. Animals who experience suffering just as well as us are being processed industrially with pretty much no care for their well being, just so we can eat something that tastes good.
At the same time, I think about how Einstein or Feynman were so intelligent, able to process this reality way better than I possibly can, and still passed away so peacefully and with what seemed like no worries.
I also rationalize others being happy while I am suffering for no reason by thinking that they're only happy because we only have our own perspective. If I had never gotten into this mindset, I too would be blissfully ignorant, and perhaps if they realized the things that make me stress out about existence, they would share the discomfort. But then again, didn't Mr. Feynman ever thought about this? Why wasn't he affected in this way?
Do you guys worry about this? How skewed is my perspective? Do you also worry about possible afterlives, and how little we can control our conscious experience?
Thank you!
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self.Anxiety
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Heartbreak while Bipolar... Greetings, friends.
I (30/F) was diagnosed with mixed state bipolar disorder about 5 months or so ago. In the midst of my initial manifestations of the disease, I fell madly in love with this gentleman acquaintance of mine. I experienced (and still experience) lots of delusional sorts of thoughts about him and have found him to be my biggest trigger of both depressive and hypomanic feelings - which is dangerous/no bueno. Logically, it seems that things aren't meant to be and it would be best if I tried to move on.
This is my first time going through heartbreak as bipolar and I'm scared. I only had one other instance of non-bipolar heartbreak, and it was agonizing, but I was able to will it away over time. Now I'm afraid that things will be so much harder. Before, I could atleast decide it was time to move on and be sad for a little bit, but now I can't seem to keep myself on the same page about the whole situation. Because of this, I can't stay on the 'let's work on getting over him train' long enough to make any progress towards being rid of thoughts of him. I have lost faith that the sadness associated with getting over him will never go away... I don't feel as strong as I used to be. And mind you, I've been traveling down this road for several months now, with little improvement.
I guess my question is... how is getting over someone different with the complications of being bipolar? What do I need to know? It seems natural and plausible that a bipolar person might have a steeper mountain to climb than the average person. Any advice?
Thanks, friends.
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self.bipolar
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Luvox I'm on Luvox for Depression and OCD but it effects my sexual life, if there a better drug out there that does the same things but with less sexual side effects.
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self.depression
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I have suicidal thoughts Hello guys. First I want to say sorry for my english... Let's begin anyways. I'm a 16 y/o boy and I have suicidal thoughts, because of many things. One thing is that I always think about my future when i go to bed. I don't know why, but I think I'll be a total "looser" in my future... like that I'll have no friends or social life in generel after school. It feels like my life will end after school. I also think too much about what others think about me. I think about things that nobody cares about and happend years ago. I also have problems to make new friends. I never had friends except people from my school. That's probably one reason why I fear the time after school.
One other thing is that I just "like" thinking about my death. I know it sounds weird, but I sometimes just think about the reaction of other people when they get to hear that I'm dead.
Another thing and probably the last one is my mother. My mother is a heavy smoker since 2007, the year where my mother and father were divorced. She coughs very often and has now many problems with her feet and her right shoulder/arm. She can only walk very slowly and she is in pain everytime she does something with her right arm. I don't like that thought, but I think that she'll pass away next year. She takes a lot of medicine and she looks 20 years older than she really is.... My mother is the most important person in my life. She supported me everytime and was always there for me and now I am crying... I just noticed that I cry a lot lately. I just can't imagine a world without my mother. The doctors say that she could be cured from the problems with her feet and shoulder/arm, but she doesn't want a therapy. She hates to get massaged. I really hope that she gets fine soon, but I don't think she will be ever fine again... I also just noticed that I always think negative.
Back to the sucidial thoughts. Yes, I think a lot about suicide, but I don't want to kill myself at all. I just worry about my future too much. I don't like my future, because I think that I'll be not a good one.
Perfect Example what i think: My mother will die next year. Me and my older brother will live with our dad. (We both have a very compicated relationship with our father). I will lose contact to most of my friends after school. I will get a full time job in another country and lose contact to my last friends and family and then my day looks like this:
Waking up -> work -> being home, watching series or playing online games -> sleep -> repeat.
My future will probably never be like this, but I can't get this out of my head... I think I need help or something like that...
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self.offmychest
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I had a nightmare about the true me I just had a nightmare that really describes my mental pain. I was at my school trip and I was left alone with a gun with no ammo. I desperately, and unintentionally tried to find ammo for it to shoot myself with it. Later on I was at school and my mind was driving me crazy, my vision went black and I screamed off the top of my lungs, started crying and moving uncontrollably. I spent the whole dream wondering if I should kill myself or not. I think this really reflects my state of mind...
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self.depression
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I think I'm going to give up the fight soon enough. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have suppressed every feeling for too long and i regret it all. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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One day. One day I’ll forget the feeling of your fingers running down my spine while I️ fell asleep, or them running through my hair when I’d drive. I’ll forget the feeling of your lips kissing my hand every time I’d caress your cheek. I’ll forget the way you’d melt under my nails whenever I’d rub your head. I’ll forget the way you’d pull me in closer when you were half asleep, and how you’d get upset when I️ wouldn’t cuddle with you. I’ll forget the night we slept in your backseat. I’ll forget the way you lit up when I️ said I’d be your girlfriend. I’ll forget the way you’d say my name. I’ll forget the sound of your laugh. I’ll forget the smell of your room. I’ll forget the pain that’s pulsing through my entire body right now. I’ll forget the way I️ loved you.
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self.offmychest
|
Why do i feel like this? Im 17 and for the past year i've felt "empty", no motivation, been living day to day just so i can go home and sleep. Things at home arent exactly peaches and gravy but atleast i have a home and things a lot of other people dont have so im not entirely sure what exactly my problem is. I've been considering running away thinking that might fill the monotony of life
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self.depression
|
Struggling after sexual assault I hate the pain that he caused me. He ruined the part of my life that I loved the most. I hate the pain I've caused the ones around me. I want it to stop, but I don't really want to die. I feel stuck.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hiding scars on forearms Hey there everyone!
TL;DR - Any advice on how to cover the scars on my forearms?
The mix of meds and me being in "my cave" for too long has made me very photosensitive, so much so that I went to a coffee shop during the day a couple of times during the last two weeks and my arms are now brown, with blisters and well, the scars are still white and *very* noticeable. I'm very pale, which doesn't help.
No issues during autumn, winter and most of spring since I wear long sleeve shirts, undershirts and such, but summer is way too hot for that, even at night, so, Any advice on how to cover my forearms?
I usually use bandages and blame Carpal Tunnel Syndrome since I used to play a lot of videogames and work implies a lot of typing. Been thinking of buying one of these things that immobilize your hand and go all the way to your elbow but I can't wear two of them since it'd look weird (same thing with bandages), it'd get dirty quickly because of sweat, and I'd have to wash it by hand because of the metal plates inside it.
I'll get a tattoo, hopefully this year, to cover the worst looking ones, but it's not an option right now.
Going around with my arms behind my back is getting old and I have to greet a lot of people with a handshake and well, they notice and sometimes stare at them.
Thanks in advance!
>Thanks everyone for the advice! Gonna try everything here for sure, they all have their use for different situations which is awesome. Thanks again!
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self.bipolar
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I developed PTSD from a recent event and can’t seem to cope with it [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does anyone else get chest pains for being sad I get serious chest pain in the middle of the day, even when i am surrounded by friends. The chest pains are very painful and sometimes i have to bang my chest to get it to stop. Once i had the pain in front of few of my friends. They were not talking to me. Felt a little sad and my mind started thinking a lot of stuff. Quickly the pain grew, so i just had to storm out of that place went to the varsity field, was trying to hold on to my tears. Banged on my chest to try to calm myself. I need this to stop.
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self.depression
|
Went through a drive through and even the cashier could tell i was fucked up. She asked me if i was alright and of course i said i was fine. I'm just upset that i'm at such a low point in my life that my facade can't even fool a person I've never met before.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety - Constantly checking heart rate Hello all,
This is my first post on this sub. I have severe panic attacks and general anxiety. I had a very bad panic attack this morning. I usually give myself the panic attack when I am experiencing stress and triggers and check my pulse. My main problem is that I constantly check my pulse rate (sometimes hundreds of times per day). The fear of a fast heart rate often keeps me from exercise and other activities. I am physically in excellent condition, but have an obsession with my heart rate. This can send my heart rate very high and a panic attack to ensue. Does anyone else have this issue?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm a despicable person, a terrible parent, I despise BEING a parent, and I can see no way out except death [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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The Invega shot is poison Seriously, don't let any slick psychiatrists talk you into this shit. Why? Because it's a monthly shot, right? Nah, this shit can stay in your system for nearly a whole year. I haven't gotten a shot since early this year and it's still in my system. I know this for a FACT because I'm still lactating and having the hardest time trying to lose the weight I gained from this POISON.
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self.bipolar
|
anyone else feel like they've 'cured' or 'gotten over' their depression? feeling a bit shit again, just curious idk i changed some things in my life and it seemed like my depression just disappeared? i'm feeling dodgy again though and was wondering if anyone else has experienced the same. for the first time in at least 6 months, u know
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self.depression
|
5 years So, I've just read her letters again, after 5 years. I had a girlfriend, she broke up with me and moved on. I couldn't move on, ever. It's been 5 years, I've dated one person, for one date. It didn't work out. I thought I was in love with someone else, but now I've read your letters again, I realise I'm not. I'm just trying to get distracted from her, from the gap that hasn't been filled in.
She just made me cry, even though I haven't spoken her in 5 years. I really miss her.
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self.offmychest
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Meaning?! I think the reason I feel so down is thai feel my life has no meaning. I'm trying to find a reason to keep fighting but just feel it would be better if I just gave up.
Has anyone on here found this was the case for them, and have you managed to find a reason to fight? If so, what was it and how did you manage to find it?
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self.depression
|
I am thinking about going public with my depression. Whats the best way to do this? I have been living with depression for about 6 years and for the longest time I have kept it a secret. I have worn a mask to hide my depression because it was easier than telling people about it. Now I've come to a realization its nothing to hide, and if people cant respect me with depression then they aren't people I need in my life. I want to tell my friends and family on facebook and go public about it and offer support on my Twitch/Youtube. I feel like this will make me feel better as well as help those who may not be confident enough to talk about it or seek help.
The trouble is I still have confidence issues with it. I feel like I am not worthy to talk about it. I feel like id feel much better about it if I was given a piece of paper that says "you have depression" on it. Sometimes I feel like I people think I'm faking it and stuff. But I'm on medication for it, and I see a therapist regularly.
I want to move past these thoughts and be someone to look up to about it. My whole life I've lived with it and helped others who struggle with similar issues. I love to help people and hiding it from friends and loved ones who may be hiding as well seems backwards to me.
I don't know how to go about speaking out about it, I planned to make a post on my personal accounts, as well as post a video on my social media for my twitch. But I don't want to do this wrong. Any suggestions?
TL;DR: I have depression and want to tell my friends/family/fans about it, but don't know where to start.
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self.depression
|
People get unreasonably angry with me for not being present. It just seems for years now I havent had a single friend or family member that didn't get mad at me eventually for being a shut in. Like you all knew going into this. Its just how it is. Really wish I could be alone forever.
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self.depression
|
Third college. Seventh change of major. I just failed another midterm exam. Considering dropping out and accepting that I'm not meant for higher education. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Can't sleep. Having a bad dream. Dreamt as if I am drowning in the ocean. Slowly drowning away from the sunlight.
I can feel like deeo cutting myself especially on my left wrist and my neck. It has been frequent since the month has started.
I am just filled with rage that has been contain within me for so long.
Whenever I am on top of a building where I work, there's always a temptation to jump.
I don't know right now, my head is just messed up right at this stage. I am in all rage internally. My mind is a complete mess.
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self.depression
|
Palpitations have made me miserable I've suffered from some form of anxiety since I was 16. I'm now 26 and this past year has been hell, save for two or three months of apathy. It started with this feeling of not getting enough oxygen which sent me to the ER and netted nothing. Since then I've been there with chest pain, arm pain and palpitations. My blood pressure has been high this year as well, doctor put me on Propranolol, though I think it shoots up when I go to hospital/doctor because I've developed so much anxiety around being in these places now. Oddly enough these palps seem to have really started after I started taking the meds, which is odd because they're also used to *treat* palpitations - even more frustrating! My most recent visit to the ER was once again do to palpitations, which have been bothering me since the Friday before Thanksgiving and only seem to be getting worse. The sensation has given me this sense of incoming doom and dread and I just look at every tinge of pain in my chest as a confirmation of this. I'll be in a room and it's 75 degrees and yet I feel cold. I hate all of this. I've had so many EKGs done this year it's sickening -- all fine save for a so-called "misreading" from the computer on one, but the doctor said it was fine. I've also had X-rays and multiple forms of blood work - nothing. The most recent doctor must've seen I'm reaching my wit's end with the depression; I'm just so utterly exhausted and now I don't know when and when not to go to the hospital because while I'm terrified of the sensations, I'm completely worn out of going, being prodded and poked, getting all anxious thinking they're going to find something and then being sent home with no answers. The most recent ER visit did lead me to get a cardiologist appointment (Jan 10th ugh), despite her saying all their tests were clean, I guess to make sure. I also have a follow-up with my primary cause my white cell count was elevated a bit on the last visit, but the doctor thought it was due to stress. Any and all advice or whatever would be helpful. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid I'm just going to end up back at the hospital. In the evenings, my head will feel like it's on a bobble and like my body is just on vibrate. I get this feeling of lightheadedness, but it's not really veritgo...it's more like an uneasy feeling I can't explain. I'm so sick of just not feeling normal and being trapped in a cycle where I can't and don't want to do anything because it feels like my life is already over.
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self.Anxiety
|
I honestly don't know why I try anymore At this point I don't know what's keeping me going. Already attempted twice but failed both times. I know I have a lot to live for but a bullet to the brain, helium bag, hanging, jumping off a building, slitting my wrist, overdose, and probably a lot of different ways sound very appealing right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It scares me how little I care about everything People describe me as the "chill" guy and man I wish I could say what's really going on.
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self.depression
|
Why is my depression 'backwards'? I feel full of energy in the morning and never have a problem getting up, but come the evening I feel awful and go down a dark hole. Rinse and repeat.
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self.depression
|
I don't give a shit I don't give a shit that a lot of people think they are stupid. I'm going through a divorce so I don't think it's cool to propose to someone who is still technically married... so he got me a promise ring.
It's beautiful and it means a lot to me so I don't care that others think we are too old for it, or that it is silly. I already just want to use it as my future wedding band when the time is appropriate. He said it's just the ring before THE ring, which is super cute.
I love my boyfriend more than anything. He's helped me get over all of the emotional abuse I was put through, and supports me through anything I want to do.
He loves me so unconditionally and makes me feel so beautiful and appreciated. I've never felt that way with anyone.
I really can't wait to marry him but a piece of paper isn't going to change how much I already love him.
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self.offmychest
|
Stopping quetiapine I switched to quetiapine after being an olanzapine for about a year because my doctor thought it might help me sleep better. I started having scary hallucinations at work especially and my coworkers said they were really scared of me. I have stopped it now but as soon as I stopped it I started having weird withdrawal symptoms. I was so nauseous and had so much pain in so much chest, arm, and back I actually called in sick to work. Which I haven’t done in years. I called my doctor because it feels like I’m having a heart attack but she didn’t seem to concerned and just wanted to get my lithium’s levels tested and they came back normal twice. She also just kept asking me if I was pregnant which is starting to offend me. It’s definitely worse if I don’t eat or get stressed and my heart rate is elevated. I’m not sure what to do and I feel like my concerns aren’t being heard. I live alone and I’m pretty sure my cat would eat me if I died.
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self.bipolar
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I think I have a problem,I don't want a job or work anywhere. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Today someone told me to “live every day like it could be your last.” Who says I’m already not, you turd! It’s the only thought that makes me feel what I assume is joy.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I honestly just don't understand. I feel confused and betrayed. Throwaway because my main account is my social media handle for other apps and it would stick out like a sore thumb if someone who knew me saw it.
Recently, I got a snapchat from my (whom I've considered) best friend that has drifted away from me within the last year saying "when (me) hates you..
" in what seemed to be in response to me ignoring her since I have been utterly tired of being repeatedly flaked on, trying to voice my grievances with the issue only to be told "you just have to understand that I'm busy and can't see you all the time." I had plead my case to make her understand that I'm not some needy pos that has no boundaries, and I have been very accommodating of her busy schedule, and it has gotten to the point where I'm over trying to be worried about something that she isn't.
To that snapchat, I now respond, I don't hate you. Far from it. I fucking love you. But I have grown to strongly dislike some things you've done since we've drifted (not by choice):
I hate that when we became friends last summer when I practically had nothing going for me, you helped me every step of the way till I was in a better mental space, and now, it feels like I'm pulling teeth just to get in touch with you, god forbid make plans in person.
I hate that when we initally started to drift, I brought it up that it felt different between us and I saw you hanging with your girls from your rugby team a lot, and it didnt seem fair that you were flaking on me. I even made it a point to say that I was so happy you made close friends and bonded with people, and I never wanted to fight with them for your time. You responded by being angry that I even questioned your allegiance, and implied that we were still close because we text/snap a lot and have a relationship through social media. Within months we stopped talking in depth through that medium anyway so its hilarious that you were so angry that I said we aren't close just by talking behind a screen.
I hate that you have said the most endearing things about me, such as "honestly, you are probably the most amazing person I've ever met, and I've never matched up with anyone so well, male or female." And as the months have gone on, despite you repeatedly telling me you love and care about me and that you will ride for me, I'm always left scratching my head as to why all your actions go against your words.
I hate that when we try to make plans, "I'll let you know!" seems to be code for "I'm not gunna bring this up again, but at least I tried right?"
I hate the fact that you always bring up the fact that you're "busy." As if I've never heard the word before. PEOPLE HAVE BUSY LIVES! YOU AND ME BOTH! The difference is that I prioritize who I care about and want to be around. I don't expect you talk to me or see me 24/7, but since we set up our relationship on the precedent that we are "ride or dies" then I would hope you want to see me more than like 3 times a semester? Yes you are busy, since you have rugby and school and volunteering and shit like that, but god damn, you're not a fucking martyr. You really don't have a better excuse than I'm busy? "hey! I can't fit you into my schedule unless its convienent for me because you're not a priority for me!"
I hate that when this became a recurring issue and I haven't heard from her in a while, I'll get a random text or snap saying "hey, I'm so sorry I'm such a shitty friend!" No. fuck that. first of all, if you were truly sorry, you would have tried to fix the situation, and I wouldn't be hearing this half assed apology after the fact. Actions speak louder than words.
I hate that I stated how upset I felt, and you said you were sorry and you would try to get your life together and try to fix it to get our relationship bsck to where it was but its pretty much been the same deal this semester, and I'm still getting the same lame ass "sorry i suck as a friend."
I hate that we got together this semester, and kicked it at the river for 4 hours and just talked. about life. about us, politics, just anything, and it felt right. I dont feel like i can talk to many people past surface level shit and get vulnerable, but it was natural between us as it's always been. I just don't understand how we can do that, then just simply go back to the same pattern like there isn't something there that would make you want to keep up this friendship on your own will.
I hate how you say that all the lack in communication is on you and that you can't even explain the drifting, because you dont understand it yourself. "you were going through a really tough time." well shit, as a friend, I'm always ready to listen! How the hell am I supposed to know that you're not in the right headspace if you dont say shit to me, even if I ask how youre doing?
I hate how you will go for long periods of not talking to me, yet can respond to my snapchat story with, compliments and random shit, or you'll like my tweets but can't update me about your life unless I pry. I'd rather have an in-person friendship than an artificial social media relationship. that aint shit to me honestly.
I hate that for a second there, it seemed like we were gunna end up dating, and I remember you asking me, "if we dont end up together, will you still be my friend? and I said of course. We decided to stick to friends, so I wouldnt be led on with your mixed signals, and because I valued you and all the help you had given me up to that point, and now after all that, you're the one thats slipping through the cracks.
I hate that besides you drifting off from being the #1 in my life, my 2 other closest friends up in my college town are leaving me too in one way or another. Wolf is graduating next semester and D-1 is so involved with his girl that he just got rid of the homies basically. I dont blame him, the honeymoon phase is real, but we were on some family levels and now, that shit has eroded. Im losing the people I trust most, and there aint shit I can do about it.
I hate that I feel selfish and wrong for wanting to starting cutting you out of my life. I feel like a jerk, but what I hate most is constantly wondering why I'm not good enough for my best friend. I know my worth, and I can't chase someone who couldn't care either way.
I think I keep hoping she'll come around because if I officially give up on her, I'll have to accept the fact that I got so fucking vulnerable with this person who I trusted only for it to just be thrown in the trash honestly. I've never been this betrayed by anyone I felt this close to. Its honestly fucking up how I trust people. To hear "fuck everyone else, its just you and me." or "were both gunna glo up, and I can't wait to be with you every step of the way till you become the best version of yourself" last year to where it is now is just dissapointing to say the least.
I don't understand how it went from talking everyday to literally nothing for weeks at a time, and I dont think I ever will. I can only focus on what I can control, so I'm gunna focus on myself, and keep grinding. Since she's sleeping on me now, she better hit the snooze button and go the fuck back to bed when I glo up.
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self.offmychest
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I'm not sure but I think I've been subliminally panicking [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Weekly Success Thread: Share your victories large & small! As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the "little" or "normal" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.
This weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.
---
**Come chat with us!**
That's right we have an /r/Anxiety irc channel were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello! [Chatroom Weblink](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/anxiety) : [More Information](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) We also have a Discord server! To join, click [here](https://discord.gg/qPjH9Xu).
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) | [Community Map](https://redd.it/5ff4bn)
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self.Anxiety
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(19F) I want someone to kill me! I'm fat and ugly.. I'm poor and hopeless. I don't have friends because people hate me. I just want to die. Somebody kill me,please!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have given up on my best friend For the past couple of months my so called best friend has been super distant with me and I have absolutely no reason why. Like I have asked her when she is free to hang out 3 times and she was always like "yeah, let me see when I'm free and we'll plan something" then the last time I asked she said that she can't commit to anything and is using her break to spend time with family and de compress, yet I see videos and pictures of hanging out with other people whenever she is free. It all makes me feel like shit because I don't know what I did wrong.
We used to be extremely close, then recently it just stopped. It's like I did something wrong and she is mad at me or I upset her about something. Would it be a bad idea to send her a message saying that I'm sorry for anything I did to her? If I did do something wrong I really am sorry, but if I didn't I don't want her to take it the wrong way and then be mad at me.
So what should I do? Should I send an apology message, or just wait for her to make an effort to the friendship and if she doesn't let the friendship fade?
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self.depression
|
Where I am at and how I got here [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Anxiety I have horrible anxiety and well i have a hard time meeting new people. I never get out but im fine with that i am independent. The provlem with me is i do want to find friends but i do have anger spikes and i can yell and get loud if someone offends me. Are these symptoms normal for an anxiety disorder?
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self.Anxiety
|
Is this hypomania? I’m normally not irritable. I’m on seroquel and zoloft (300 and recently 50) and haven’t felt like I was going in a high besides maybe when I had to go back home a little (things like that aggravate it) since I started normal doses of seroquel. But I keep thinking about guinea pigs and it’s making me irritable because I really don’t want to be thinking about that anymore, and I don’t need to be looking at guinea pig stuff to save for later online. Then the circle thing came out and it’s been dividing my attention even more.
Ugh.
Stop it brain.
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self.bipolar
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It's all too much I'm trying to keep my family together but I just don't know how.
So much to say but I don't want to go into detail firstly my mother hates my dad and my grandma for so much they did in the past.
My poor sweet grandma is sad upset and she's going to leave and go to her home country she's where she will be happy however she has to leave her home of many decades.
This is wrong and I know it but I don't know what to do my mother is irrational angry she says she hates my dad and my grandmother and she makes my grandmother so afraid she often stays locked up at home in her room afraid of saying anything that will and when my mother or rather anger her.
Why does she have to leave I don't want her to. At least she'll be happy in her country but she will always feels sad because she loves me and my brother so much.
This is one part of a very big problem and I thought I just share this because trying to keep this family together makes me want to die so bad I'm begging to die to escape this I can't feel any more pain I know I can never take never make them happy I just want to die so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I just want to die so badly, why me all of it why me.
I've only told a very small part of the story but this is the part that just makes me very sad sorry just one part that really makes me sad. If can be honest altogether it's unbearable. All of the injustice.
I haven't gotten into my life passed my home life but that's another story. For now I'm crippled by my sadness of my grandmother feeling afraid and feeling she has to leave.
Why does my grandmother have to go through this. At least she will be happy in some way. I swear Im atheist but I hope so bad there is an afterlife for her and my father. They have had such a hard time with my mean mother I want to know they can have peace one day and be happy. I'd gladly go to hell for them to live happy. I wish I could.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Am I having an anxiety attack? I am trying to fall asleep but can’t. I keep moving throughout my bed. I turned on the light to get my phone and realized my muscles were spazzing. I’ve never felt anything like this before.
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self.Anxiety
|
I dont know what to do with my relationships ever made a throwaway as boyfriend browses reddit a lot, so i have friends but no-one i feel like i can really rant to, so here goes.
I have been in a relationship for the past 3 years, and overall i've been happy, the guy i'm with is amazing, kind, lovely, all round incredible, i do not deserve him one bit, but i have him, so yay right? nope. for the past, almost a year, i've found myself bored, not of him, but of being in a relationship, i don't like the boundaries that need to be there (i like going out, parties, etc) he feel uncomfortable with it, so i dont. I have mostly male friends, and he's uncomfortable when i make plans with them. and the best bit? I recently met someone that I think I like, and here I am, feeling like shit because I just know I wont be able to break up with my current boyfriend, as he has serious depression, anxiety, finds it hard to deal with emotions, and im am so worried about what might happen if i do this to him, as he constantly tells me how much i've done for him mentally and emotionally. I know he doesn't mean to make me feel trapped but I'm so scared that I'll never deal with this. but if i leave him, what if he hurts himself? what if he doesnt deal with it well? I want security that he will be okay in the end, and i dont know if its a selfish thing, but I need him as a part of my life, but i know if i break up with him that it make not be a choice anymore.
There are times when I'm with him where I just feel complete bliss, like i'm doing the right thing and he's perfect, but then i'll be left to my own devices for half an hour and suddenly I realise that i don't want this, I want to be single, I want to flirt with random people, I want to have my weekends free to just myself, I want to waste all my time on hobbies and tv shows, I want to only worry about myself.
what makes it worse is how much he has done for me, i started this relationship a complete self-conscious mess with so many problems, but no matter what he has built me up, made me feel like the best person in the world, and made me not hate myself.
fuck me i need to sort this out, because if i dont i know ill be in this relationship forever.
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self.offmychest
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Had any awesome, productive day, and...Just did an emotional face plant Well, today was all around productive. I mean work, coming home and cleaning my entire place, cooking dinner for the household, and doing everything I've been meaning to do, but always seem to never touch. I went to bed a little early, feeling relaxed, too, but I felt like a high was around the corner.
Nope! Skipped that number.
Now, I've been laying in bed for 6 hours, and have to be up for work in 4. I'm unable to turn my brain off. I'm running the same shit through my mind I do every time I get low. Questioning my choice of being in another relationship I could screw up, not wanting to be a burden to my friends and family, am I being selfish and egotistical for wanting kids, what makes this goal different from the ones I've gone through that I've lost interest (and money) in, etc.
I'm taking lamictal, and for the past 4 months it's kept my highs from me (which, being honest, I miss some aspects of) but I'm not looking forward to the weeks of being numb, trapped in my mind, and all the shit that comes with it, since it doesn't seem to help in that area for me.
I just want to sleep. Any suggestions?
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self.bipolar
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how do i get gabapentin to work? I've been taking it for a few weeks and have yet to see any effects. How has gabapentin affected you and how long did it take?
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self.bipolar
|
I'm afraid I've posted too many bad things on the internet/social media and won't be accepted into college. (I'm 15 and a sophomore in High School.)
Admittedly most of the bad things I've posted, preponderantly YouTube comments, were when I was youthful and immature. Still, I'm afraid I may have already blew my chances of entering college. :(
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self.Anxiety
|
I had a car accident today and I feel miserable. I'm a 22 year old kid doing his grad school in USA. I'm an international student and I stay with my uncle and drive his old car around. Because he put me on his insurance plan, I had lower premiums (It was coming around $600 if I was taking it just for myself.) I got my license this year, and I've been driving fine.
Today, when I was turning into school, I didn't see a car turn in and it collided with me. I have a huge dent on my left side, and his car also got damaged on the right. No injuries, so he's fine. But I was driving an old 2005 car, which will probably be totalled and he had a Audi A4. So apart from the insurance hike, which is going to be huge, because I crashed into an Audi ffs, most likely my uncle will take me off his plan because his family will have higher premiums because of my accident.
I live in a place where there is no public transportation to school, so I'll probably have to get a second hand car. I've been lucky enough that my parents have been sponsoring me, but all of this is gonna add to the costs. And the accident history is going to add to my existing high premium.
I feel miserable because if I had been a little careful, I would'nt have been in this situation. I'm always one to look for silver linings, and I did find one. I'm going to be a better driver and a safer driver from today. But I feel horrible that I'm putting my parents through these expenses and that I let them down when they expected me to be a better driver. I know people bounce back from setbacks from this, but I'm finding it hard. I feel disheartened, to the extent I keep saying, "Why me?".
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self.offmychest
|
I wish I could restart college. Not because of failing grades or anything, I'm a very good student in that regard.
I wish I could go back and fix the mistakes I made when pursuing my first real crush. It's still hard for me over a year or two later, and it's not that I don't think there's other fish in the sea or whatever other non-sense moving on crap there is. I've found another girl who I really enjoy talking to and like a lot, but she lives across the world and chances are I won't see her very often, which saddens me and makes me rethink how I've ended up at this point.
I honestly want to go back to that first day of college and change my whole outlook on it. Go back with the knowledge of how to fix my personal issues and how to realistically pursue someone you have interest in. How to wake up properly, how to eat properly, manage fitness, all this stuff. I just wish I could go back and speak to this girl like it was the first time I met her because it just makes stuff so much easier.
There's just no way to go back, and even if there was, there's still a chance she might not even like me again. But I'd say it's still worth it, just to see if it would.
It's been a while and I've changed a bit, but I really don't know if I'd be able to change her perceptions of me as a person. I've realized my "look", I've fixed my personal issues and I've grown in confidence. I'm even able to hold a conversation with a girl I like through text now, in every way I've failed in my eyes with this girl, I've improved upon and made better. And honestly, I miss talking to her. She has her own problems that I don't like, but they didn't bother me. We had conflicting opinions and certain stuff, and yet we got along really well.
I just checked today and the last messages we had with each other were over a year ago. She wasn't super responsive, but my conversational skills sucked re-reading it. I didn't know how to carry the conversation, I was scared saying something to keep the flow going would be weird to her - something like after talking about classes going, "So I heard you've started to get involved in X activity. What made you like it so much?". Back then I'd be like, "She'd think I'm stalking her." Now I see it just as a way to carry conversation. Even simple "How was your day?" texts seemed weird to me and after talking with a couple other people a lot since then, it's mostly just seen as a way to open up communications for a little bit to chat. It's nothing big, but I made it big, and I never messaged her because of that. I'm stupid and I should've done that more often and now I hate myself for it.
More and more I'm getting the urge to just message her and see what happens. But I know if I do, it's possible I'm gonna open up a bottle of emotions and I don't want to get hurt again, because the chances she'll "change her mind" are very likely 0%. I still want to message her, as friends, and see if she's responsive and would like to be friends again. We haven't talked nor seen each other often, and I miss running into her on campus and hanging out, it was a lot of fun, even after she rejected me. She's a great person and fun to be around regardless, I just wish I could see her and talk to her more often. I've accepted she'll never be anything more than friends with me, and I'm okay with it.
But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a piece of me that still wishes she'd come around to me. I know it'll never happen, but I'm still wishing it would. I think all guys think this at some point in their life.
And just to add on to the end of this, the entire reason why I'm thinking about this is cause I met this really beautiful girl online. I love talking to her and I always get flustered whenever she messages me, she's an incredibly kind person but doesn't make the best decisions. The only thing that sucks is we'd never be able to meet, but there's confirmed mutual feelings. Long distance just isn't something either of us want, and the way I feel about her is almost as strongly as I felt about this girl in college. Makes me wonder why someone could like me as much as this girl does and I've realized all the mistakes I've made in the past.
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self.offmychest
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I know I shouldn't, but I want to smoke weed. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I'm scared So over the past week I have been feeling really down. There are a few scenarios that have possible caused this.
I am single, alone, 20 years old, and haven't had a girlfriend since 12 that lasted 3 days. My friends have all girl friends and im the only one. Not sounding arrogant but from what my friends tell me, I am attractive and that I could get with any girl if I wanted. I was told by my friends girl friends that I would be the best boy friend. The problem is, I found approaching girls difficult. I sometimes wish, as bas as this sounds, that a girl came up to me and started having a chat. I feel more comfortable this way.
Another situation that happened was my friend found out that I struggled to get erect whilst having sex with a girl a few years a go, which really shot my confidence. I now think most girls/guys that are mutual friends with one of my friends know all about it. Now I am paranoid of sex.
I was in the shower and I just started crying. I feel this down feeling has affected my grades and whilst I don't mind being social, I never feel content when I go out.
I just felt like sharing my story. It helps me let out some steam.
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self.depression
|
What do you guys do when you feel seasonal depression creep up on you? I feel it in a weird way. Like If I don’t react I could sink into relapse again. The same thing happened last year, same time. Everything became so boring and colorless and lonely. None of my friends are home and my boyfriend lives 3 hours away. To make matters worse I’m stuck at home all alone with my pets because my parents are on a trip until Thursday. It’s too quiet and feels so pointless. Yes I am on and have been taking my meds. I’m in control there’s just an uncomfortable weight in my head. I used to think I didn’t mind being by myself but when I go a few days without really communicating with anyone I’m kind of internally spazzing out because I’m now stuck with this slug of negativity being in my brain. I can’t go many places for too long because of the 5 animals I’m watching.
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self.depression
|
What if it's destiny? What if some of us are born predetermined to spent life feeling miserable? No one can know whether we get better or not. Not knowing is killing me... Might as well just kill myself, right?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Trying to fall asleep sucks when all of your anxieties, worries and insecurities show up and you can’t shut your brain off. I used to listen to music with headphones in just to have a singular mental focus before going to sleep, but stopped last year for uni. Now that I don’t have that one thing to focus on, I get the pleasure of worrying about my personal relationships, what my future holds, and all of my physical and mental insecurities accumulated over the years 😪
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self.Anxiety
|
Mania rolling in just in time for finals week! Not good, not good. I have been awake almost 36 hours. I don't feel tired at all. My eyes are heavy and my body is sluggish but inside I feel like GO GO GO and my mind is flying at WARPSPEED and I am TRYING to concentrate and it is not working, but it's fine. Everything's fine. Not like the test tomorrow is 35% of my grade or anything. Psychosis is really setting in too. Oh, but I left my new psychiatrist's business card on the counter in her office and I don't have her number. So I can't call her directly. I'm going to try to call the office tomorrow and see if I can leave her a message. Tomorrow, after another night of no sleep.
I just have to make it until Thursday. Thursday, that's all. Thursday is my other and last final and after that it will be okay. I wanted to make it until Christmas but I don't know if I can hang on.
Any tips for sleeping with everything being like this? I feel wide open.
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self.bipolar
|
i want to end it all. theres a little more than an hour now until the new year. i dont want to live to see it. im stuck. im stuck... im so unhappy and i get no help, no friends...honestly...im just going to finish the story mode of splatoon 2 and be done....theres alcohol in the house, i can drink to numb the pain and then end it. i dont want to go backt o school. i cant i cant i cant do this anymore i cant fuckign do it,,
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't remember the last time waking up without suicide thoughts [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I worry too much about my social life. I'm currently in college, and ever since I was in grade school, I always worried about the number of friends I have. That's fair. When I was younger, I didn't have much of a social life outside of school. That changed towards the end of high school, when I started actually going out and doing things with my friends after class, and I also started using more forms of communication with them, too.
But here's the thing: There were times in my life where I felt like I had befriended everyone and I was really social and witty. And I still have moments where I feel like I'm at my "peak" social potential. For the past while, though, I've started feeling self-conscious and I feel like I can't make small talk.
It's like I see people around me and they talk a certain way with each other, but as soon as I try to talk to people, I can hardly get beyond formalities. I can talk easier when I'm talking with someone over a team chat or something. But I can't seem to make comfortable small talk with my classmates. Of course, I could be catastrophizing, but this has been bothering me for a while.
In fact, I'd say this kind of thing has bothered me for years. It legitimately depresses me, and I get tired of the fighting. Despite this, lately I've found myself enjoying my own company more. It's like I want to just go out and make a bunch of friends and live a social life, and yet I don't. But when I try to just stay at home, I get depressed. What can I do to stop worrying about this?
**TL;DR: I feel like I fail at talking to a lot of people, but at the same time I feel like I don't want to rush out and make a bunch of friends with everyone I meet. It's like my brain wants it both ways. I worry about my social life incessantly, and yet part of me is perfectly fine with being a loner and enjoying my own company. I have friends, but I feel like I've grown too self-conscious and insecure with myself.**
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self.Anxiety
|
Freaking out, need help Yesterday was my first every full blown panic attack. Heart pounding, lost sense of who I was- and other aspects of my life, thought I was going insane. Am I going crazy?
This went up and down all day at work and I found it very hard to control. Lately i've been eating extremely unhealthy everyday, drinking caffeine, doing nitrous, and smoking weed.
When I have these attacks I experience ego death, become very forgetful and feel like i'm loosing touch with reality. The uncomfortable on-edge-like feeling hasn't gone away, the whole out of touch with reality and confusion goes up and down in waves all day long.
I'm at work right now and i'm finding it very scary to cope with. If anyone could give me any helpful tips that would be really great. All I care about at the moment is going back to normal so I can get on with my job and my life.
(I'm 20 years old)
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self.Anxiety
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My pdoc is seems disconnected, is that normal? I met with my pdoc today for the second time and seriously, she had no interest in speaking. She asked me the usual bit of questions: are you well, are you seeing things, are you anxious but not much more than that. She took more time to tell me the office was moving than she did talking about whether the meds were working and how I was doing. Considering we’re still dialing in my meds, that seems a bit odd. The last doc I had was more engaging. Anyone else have the same experience with their doctor or am I just being a sensitive Sally? :)
Edit, because my iPhone X is glitchy
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self.bipolar
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How do you determine you're actually sick? I am recently diagnosed with BiPolar disorder. I felt like I was actually getting on top of things and seeing when I went weird. But I have a sore throat- and a fever. I'm doubting myself because I have also been quite low this week so far. I'm trying to determine if I'm actually sick or if I'm just super low. Do you have any tricks for this? I'm trying to learn how to handle things.
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self.bipolar
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