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Ever hear people say we become caricatures of ourselves as we age? Well I'm becoming a caricature of a miserable insecure cunt who can barely even function. But at least I can still laugh at myself.
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self.depression
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Season Changes, do they affect you? I believe my mental health is declining quickly and seems to be occurring simultaneously to a change in season. Am I alone on this?
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self.bipolar
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Do you ever just wonder if it's real? So, lately I've been wondering if I'm even really depressed.
Like, do I actually suffer from depression, or am I just acting in a way that I think I'm supposed to, because I'm "depressed"?
Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely unhappy, but sometimes I just think I might be doing it to myself.
Anyone else feel this way?
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self.depression
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I think I'm too lazy to kill myself, but goddamnit I want to. I don't even want help I guess. I wrote out a suicide letter for the first time today. So there goes that. God fuck me man
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self.depression
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I spent New Year's Eve alone, and I didn't feel anything [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone express anxiety with anger? I've been going to therapy for anxiety and anger management and I've recently made a connection that i usually have an anger outburst when my anxiety is ramped up. Does anyone else experience this? How do you management it?
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self.Anxiety
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Shut the fuck up. Just shut your fucking mouth for once. All these fucking people. They keep fucking talking and talking and talking and talking. Fuck off. Just fuck the fuck off. People believe they get to talk when others are silent. Silence is a form of communication, shut the fuck up. I fucking hate it. It disgusts me.
Just cause I’m silent doesn’t give you the right to just vomit all over me with all your fucking bullshit. It’s everywhere. Just people fcking talking and talking. Oh my fffffck. I WISH someday I can perform an activity or communicate in silence. My god. Just fuck. Off.
You nod in disinterest n say nothing back. But theey keeep gooing. WTFFFF stooop. Omg. Times like this i just wanna kill everything around me. It drives me absolutely insane and unless i voice it through a medium like this, my frustration will eat me up inside. I just don’t fcking understand it. I really don’t.
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self.depression
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In patient/ Out patient programs Has anyone considered voluntarily checking into an in/out patient program to help yourself? Has anyone gone involuntarily? Are you opposed to the idea? If you've gone, what is your experience? Was it effective?
I called a treatment center today (the same one my mom went to years ago) just to find help and I am supposed to go in two days to get an assessment. I have a therapist but I feel nothing seems to help. Just wondering about anyone else's experience.
Hope all is well.
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self.bipolar
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Feel myself sinking My daughter is suppose to visit her pos father and his family today. This is the first time they've seen her in 3 months. No phone calls or anything. He's a huge trigger for me and I already have to face him tomorrow in court(5th year in a nonsupport case against him.) I don't know if I'll be able to take her and stay for the 3 hours she's suppose to be there without losing my shit. I have to stay because they've said some things to try to keep me from hanging around and I refuse. These people are abusive, selfish, awful people and I have to find a way to maintain myself. I can already feel myself falling into an angry depression. Im failing at all the techniques I've been working on in therapy...How I suppose to maintain myself around these awful people?
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self.bipolar
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21 years old, senior in university, and I've never had any friends, ever. Among other problems, I don't plan to live past my graduation. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I can be loved... ...then I remember I'm an unlovable piece of shit.
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self.depression
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Don't Know What Else To Do I feel so trapped--inside myself, my situation, the world as a whole. I feel like every day I'm able to do less and less, there's nothing physically wrong with me but it's so hard for me to begin to do even basic things like brush my teeth and do laundry. I try to do a good job at work, I like and respect my coworkers and I think what we're doing is important, but my energy levels are so low that I constantly feel like I'm letting everyone down.
I don't want to talk to anyone, I'm tired of feeling like a burden to my family and friends. I feel like I take up so much space and I hate it.
I want to die but I'm terrified to traumatized anyone, or burden anyone with my cleanup. I think I'm going to work to get my affairs in order so I can kill myself in February. I used to self harm and take handfuls of pain killers to simulate dying as a way to soothe myself, but I think it's time to take it all the way. I just want to disappear from everyone's lives. I'm okay with being a failure and a disaster but I don't want it to affect anyone else. I don't want to poison others with my negative feelings. I just don't know what to do.
I don't feel comfortable reaching out to anyone in my life, but I feel like I need to reach out to someone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Self Sabatoge I want people to know how I'm feeling but they'll never know because I don't make myself vulnerable.
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self.depression
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Anything good that happens in life is "The Lord's Gift" and only happened because my parents prayed for me. But when I'm really depressed and alone, that's just *my* fault because I'm not trusting the Lord. [removed]
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self.depression
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I broke up with you but in all honesty... It’s odd, I met you on Tinder. You and I share a good sense of humor and I know we connected well. I can’t connect myself with anyone else, despite the many guys trying to get at me; I want to try again some day but, let’s see down the line where it goes.
(P.S. Finally made an account on here, I’m new and I hope this post is in the right place.)
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self.offmychest
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I'm thinking of killing myself tonight My entire life has been shit. Everything I do to try and better it just ends badly. Nothing ever good happens ever. Life does NOT get better no matter how many people say it. Every day I wake up feeling depressed. If I go out in public, 9 out of 10 times I have severe panic attacks and can't even do basic shopping. I go to therapy and take meds and they do nothing. People around me and my life are nothing but controlling and manipulative.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feels like every day is stacked against me. Every day feels like I have the worst luck, nothing ever good comes from them anymore, lost two friends today one being my best, had horrible migraines and heart pains, no short motivation bursts, nothing.
Each day has no positives, only negatives and it's driving me insane.
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self.depression
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Support I have had anxiety since a young age which brought on my first depressive episode a few months ago. My anxiety also has worsened to the point were my hands shake when I get stressed. A girl today actually asked me if I was sick when I was on the edge of just laying down to cry and never move again. Today a friend also messaged me and told me that I can talk to him and I just feel so grateful because he does care and my problems aren't just something made up in my dumb fuck mind because other people see that I'm struggling.
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self.depression
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Latuda Withdrawal Hey folks,
Anyone have any experience with coming off Latuda? I'm on 60mg at the moment and haven't missed more than a dose in the last couple of months. Had a near miss with running out though and it brought it home to me how terrified I am of the withdrawal from this. I missed a couple days over the summer and I went into the blackest of depressions almost instantly, just randomly crying and thinking everything was hopeless. As soon as I took the pill I was fine. Anyway, I'm thinking of slowly titrating down to the lowest dose that I can find that still works for me, so that if I do want to come off it or I run out some day it won't be quite as insane. I'd love to hear!
The other thing that brought this to mind was reading this article in the New Yorker about drug companies giving promotional offers for Oxycontin and the like back when they were marketing them for just about everything in the 90s and early 2000s. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/30/the-family-that-built-an-empire-of-pain
There is a similar program for Latuda, where the company themselves will charge you only a fraction of the cost if you ask them for a refund, but only for the first year or so. Seems awfully sketchy to me! Hopefully I'm not addicted to these things for life...
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self.bipolar
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I can't go to school anymore I haven't been to school in like a week atleast and now I am so scared to go back even though I am privileged to go to a private school that just started (only like 15 people at my school) and the people are nice too it's just I am so ashamed of everything and I can't handle the pressure of walking in multiple hours after school has already started when I haven't been there in so long.
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self.Anxiety
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Hey guys, I'm participating in a Clinical Research Study! I had my interview today and it went well. They are studying Cognitive Function in Bipolar Disorder. I'm going to get an MRI, ECG, and take cognitive tests in relation to focus, working memory, audio processing, etc. They're also taking blood samples to study chemical markers that are thought to be related to brain health.
It's super important to me because i really believe in neuroscience research advancing the treatments and care options that are available, and increasing recovery rates. I'm relatively stable most of the time but not everyone with the diagnosis on treatment shares that experience, and it's just not right how our options are limited. It's really cool that they're studying comorbid symptoms like cognitive impairments, because they are also part of the picture and might give clues on deeper underlying causes that don't just focus on areas of the brain implicated in mood pathology.
One thing that they told me that was super helpful, is that people they meet with the diagnosis, often experience secondary issues like anxiety, psychosis, etc ....and those are very mood state-dependant symptoms, and not always present. It's pretty validating to hear that put in words, I really relate.
I also just found out that whatever results I get (MRI, assessment, cognitive scores) are going to be sent to my psychiatrist, and available for me to look at (if i choose). They might also suggest alternative/adjunctive treatments for the problems with memory and focus.
One thing that sucks is that they are looking for currently euthymic bipolar patients, and I was depressed very recently (which resolved after a med increase), but they're willing to work with that, and IF I'm still euthymic in FOUR weeks from now, then I fit their criteria, and its a go! So here's to hopes, that I'll be stable in four weeks, and able to contribute to a good cause.
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self.bipolar
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I think my best friend is in a bad place and I don’t know what to do. Seeking for advice. Hello,
I‘m not 100% sure I am allowed to post here, since I‘m not the one having to deal with depression. I just wanted to ask people if there was anything I could do for my friend and what I should avoid saying or doing.
My best friend (A) has been acting quite strange recently, I just noticed last week though. (Which I feel terrible for not noticing it earlier) She called in sick for school and on Friday she went home because she „wasn’t feeling well“ but didn’t say anything more, just that she would text me later.
I honestly forgot to text her and only saw her again on Saturday night at my boyfriend‘s birthday party. She was pretty down the whole time, but she can be a bit cranky sometimes so I thought she and my other best friend (L) just had the “this is boring so we’ll just gonna sit around” mentality again. I didn’t bother any further cus I just thought she was having a bad day.
Yesterday she wasn’t in school again. I texted her, asking if everything’s all right and she just told me she’s fine. Today we had a big exam in biology and she actually was in class but when the exam was about to start she left because, again, she wasn’t feeling well.
I talked about it with some of our other girl friends and I started to actually think about how something is definitely wrong. They told me how they saw her nearly crying in school.
Later this day I talked to L if she knew if anything was up. She then told me that A really hasn’t been feeling well and even went to a doctor to do some tests. She supposedly always felt tired and like she couldn’t keep up with school. The doctor said there wasn’t necessarily anything wrong with her and then they did hormone tests where they discovered that her stress hormone levels are really high.
L further told me that A told her about how she thinks about death a lot lately and that she’s sad all the time. L spent the night at A’s last weekend and A was crying a lot, like when they were watching a movie or at breakfast with her family.
She was saying how she’s so scared that this feeling won’t go away.
So I know all these things point to depression so I came here in hope of getting advice.
I already feel so terrible because I feel like I must have done something wrong, if she thinks she can’t talk about this with me. I don’t know if she feels like I didn’t care enough and is now angry at me for not being persistent or something.
I understand that it must be hard talking about it, soI don’t know if I should ask her more directly about it. I don’t really know what to do at all.
I know saying “it’ll get better” won’t help, but just pretending like everything’s normal can’t be a solution either? I know she doesn’t feel like doing anything with friends or family, should we leave her or should I persist on doing things together? I’m so lost and don’t want to make this any worse for her.
I would be so grateful for any advice you could give me. I just can’t bare the thought of her suffering, I want her to feel better no matter what I have to do.
Thank you.
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self.depression
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This semester has been a game of “how much of my savings can I blow in one episode” There is no winner
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self.bipolar
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I'm starting to fall for my ex instead of the friend i've been flirting with for a year It has been 2 years since me and my ex seperated with little to no contact since then
A year ago i started flirting with a closer friend of mine and it has been going back and fourth since that, however nothing has really happened yet. about a month ago my ex contacted me again and the feelings i used to have for her seems to be slowly coming back. She has displayed her fair share of interest but i'm just not sure how wise this really is
I'm so torn about what to do, because i really don't know what i feel. I almost feel like i like both of them, but that just can't be right..
This weekend i'm going out with a few friends including (her) so i guess that that's where i'll find out if i really like her, or if my feelings have shifted to my ex.
I'm just so confused about myself right now, what to feel, and what to do
Advice would be greatly appreciated
and thank you for reading
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self.offmychest
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Cant listen to music anymore and having breathing problems. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It's been over a year... And I still see no purpose in life [deleted]
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self.depression
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Playing it up to be lazy I have schizoaffective bipolar. I have mini mood swings and sometimes feel really sad because I think I’m in an overall depressive period. Because of this I don’t do as much around the house and say I don’t feel well.
Now I have pneumonia and I’m really sick. I legitimately can’t walk much without coughing and not being able to breathe. I want to do the Christmas stuff but when I try to do it I start coughing and it hurts so badly. This is what sick really feels like.
It has me reflecting back on my mental illness and whether I use that as an excuse to be lazy. I can physically do things and breathe.
Does anyone feel this way or have advice?
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self.bipolar
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I'm either overly ambitious or completely hopeless--how do I make realistic decisions? As the title says, I have a hard time having a realistic perspective on what I'm doing in life.
I'm trying to finish school right now and every day, throughout the day, I go from being totally certain I can handle all this and dive into working and then a half hour later I feel completely hopeless and give up and start worrying about my future, which I see as bleak.
When I have that ambition, I tend to take on or commit to much that I can't accomplish and end up making even more work for myself and then even little things seem overwhelming when I'm back to my hopeless state.
I need to find a way to be realistic about things rather than moving between extremes. It's not. Evessarily mood shifts like between mania and depression. It's strange, when I assess things, I feel like I'm being objective, there's not really strong emotions behind things.
I don't have anyone I'm close to who could offer perspective or help talk me out of these outlandish ways of thinking.
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self.bipolar
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Depression gives me a reason to hurt other people... The whole time throughout my depression nobody was there for me, people weren't supportive instead people were detrimental - people don't support the depressed, they step on them.
So it gives me a reason to hurt other people, in a world that is cold does it make sense to be a good person? This is why I chose to become a thief, knowing other people get hurt is part of the pleasure, I think of it as revenge for how people treated me.
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self.depression
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I just quit my job. The Spiral of Self-Destruction train has arrived, and I've already bought my tickets and have gotten settled in my seat.
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self.depression
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I need to put on weight I heard/read a lot of people who are depressed and put on weight. But for me it's the contrary, I just lose weight. I'm not hungry and when I am, I eat a little because I don't like when something is in my stomach. (I don't throw up or anything) I REALLY try to eat. I'm surrounder by fat food but nah, my stomach doesn't want it.
Soon, it will be Christmas, so I hope that I could hide my state.
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self.depression
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Sister might be suicidal? so im a college student that is returning home in the next few days, and my mom is worried that my sister may be suicidal. she is a sophomore and had a rough academic semester juggling basketball (a big big passion of hers) and academics (that my mom stresses a lot).
her friends at school have reported her to the counselor for trying to overdose on medication that wasn't prescribed to her, and my mom has found random pills in her room that aren't hers. a friend of ours also recently hosted a christmas party, that my sister didnt go to claiming she was 'sick.' aside from her basketball friends, she has shut herself off from the rest of the family and has my mom worried sick. for some reason, my dad keeps downplaying her fears though...
on top of this, she recently bought two books that both deal with dark topics like suicide and depression. she's reading It's Kind of a Funny Story and 13 Reasons Why - do you guys think these signs are enough to show suicidal thoughts or at least depression?
ill be back home soon, but i dont know where to start in comforting my mom and consoling my sister. any advice would be nice!
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self.SuicideWatch
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Dropped a class. Now I hate myself I had my college schedule planned out for the whole year. One class, an elective for my minor, completely took my by surprise. I had no idea what was happening the first day and the material was not enjoyable (the reason that I took it). There was a 10 minute presentation in a foreign language that was 15% of the grade and I couldn't handle it. I just dropped and I feel like a complete failure. I filled in the space with a class for my major, so I'm not behind, but I feel so stupid, and I'm worried that whenever that prof and the students from that class see me in the future, that they'll think I'm dumb and don't deserve to be in their classes.
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self.depression
|
How do I tell my friend about how I feel when I have depressive episodes when they never believe what I say? So around a month ago my girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with my because I couldn't take care of myself and she thought I was too much of a burden. I know how she feels and how much of a burden I am to people but she never really tried to talk to me about my depression. She got mad when I was depressed and I didn't know how to tell her how I feel. I would say "I just don't feel good" but I know that wasn't enough. So when I did tell her that I felt depressed she said that wasn't a real reason. To me that was a reason and I just didn't know what to say.
She still tries to be my friend because she wants to get back together but I can't be her friend. She's only making me feel like shit because of how she says that I just need to "be happy." I don't know how to tell her that she makes me feel like complete shit and that being depressed isn't a reason to not act like she does. I'm sorry if this is confusing to anyone I'm just not emotionally stable enough to write but I need help from people that care. So what I'm trying to ask is how do I tell her how I feel and how she makes me feel? Thank you everyone that read all of this it really means a lot coming from people that care.
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self.depression
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Depressed took 22,750 mg of acetaminophen within 24 hours.. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fearing the worst after making a mistake I made a mistake at work last Friday, it had to do with sending letters (I work in healthcare on the clerical side) and it needed to be overnight.
Well my new boss (I transitioned to a new team) gave me the envelope.. and walked away. I had zero idea what to do and made the mistake of assuming UPS would know.
They didn’t. Post office closed. My priority was getting the letter out so I slapped a stamp on it just to get it out.
She asks me for the air mail number today... panic attack ensues. So bad that I had to call my mom crying, couldn’t eat (my eating habits are already terrible.. maybe 1 1/2 meals a day), and ended up getting a nose bleed.
I did go into her office and tell her step by step what i did, assuming I’d get written up or fired.. she said I made a big mistake but it’s a lesson learned and I’ll never make the mistake again. I can’t tell you how many times I apologized and said I take complete ownership.. it took me 3 more hours to eat.
My fear of the worst after making a mistake is horrendous.
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self.Anxiety
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Fear of rejection I had a conversation about being a person full of need of approval. I need to be liked, need to be praised, need even to have someone taking care of me. People always condemn and put over more and more charges without empathy, without trying to understand whats happening.
Lately I feel so rejected everywhere. I believe I became a persona non-grata to everyone in the world. Even in the internet my attention is close to 0. My girfriend treats me badly, even my mother blocked me from everywhere.
Why do I seek attention so strongly?
Why I can't move along? Am I forced to believe that I'm that good, to the point where everybody should praise me?
I'm also scared because I don't wanna kill myself. When I want to do it, my brain tries to find a solution, and it finds. Now I feel like it doesn't matter anyway. To die is too much effort. Living randomly seems better.
I quitted my job, cannot afford a specialist. Actually I have something close to 1 dollar in my pocket, so I cannot even get out of my house. Just waiting for the food to end. My GF has helped me too much already (financial meaning).
Don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The job hunt is getting me down, I feel like a failure [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I started to have sexual fantasies about my best friend. We’re both women. I need to put this somewhere because I just made myself aware of this behavior and I need to vent it out.
A little bit of backstory, my friend and I have been online friends for a while now and we’ve never met in real life. We have pretty typical conversations about random topics, we joke around and tease each other a lot about a variety of things. Generally, we have fun talking to each other and we make it a point to text everyday. A few times we would have joke conversations about having sex with each other and meeting up. These conversations were never really detailed to the point that we were basically sexting each other but it was a topic we would joke about a few times. We’ve never genuinely flirted with each other, or at least I don’t think so, but we do have the occasional vulgar joke here and there about stuff.
Recently, I’ve found myself sort of imagining what it would be like if I was to date her, kiss her, hold her, have sex with her and sometimes I think about her when I masturbate (I know, super creepy.) As far as I know, I’m straight, but this is the first time I have ever fantasized about another woman, let alone that woman being my best friend. I’m not sure of the cause of this behavior and why I do it in the first place, but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing it at all. Also, my friend is bisexual, so maybe I’m using her in my head to kind of experiment if I’m sexually attracted to women? Or maybe I do this because of the idea of liking someone/something that is not technically obtainable? I honestly don’t know.
Telling her that I’m possibly sexually attracted to her is not an option simply because we’ve been friends for a while and I don’t want to mess things up with her and she also has a girlfriend. To be honest, I don’t think I have romantic feelings for her, but I do care about her a lot and we have exchanged platonic I love you’s before.
So I guess from this whole thing, I’m questioning myself. I don’t know how to feel about this situation. If anything, I think it’s weird and that I should stop thinking of her like that. Sorry for being a creep I guess.
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self.offmychest
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Just lost my dog after 14 years I'm sorry for the long story, I have no one to share with it at this time of my life, and I have to take it out. Thanks for your time!
When I was 10 years old, my older sister (she was 11 that time) really wanted a dog. She convinced the family she will take care for it, and we won't have to do anything. The family agreed, and we brought to our house a 3 month old puppy, from my uncle, since my uncle dog had just given birth around that time. I remember that the puppy did some poop on me while we were at the way back home, and I felt some connection to it from the first minutes she was with us.
At the beginning, since my sister and I were both young, we took care of the puppy together, went to walks and played with her a lot. But after some time, the responsibility fell more and more on me, and I would take her for a walk few times a day, went to the vet alone and so on. She didn't like too much to be pet, but we would run and play together and had a good connection with each other. In the last 6 years, When I wasn't at home for long periods, I always asked how my family is treating her, is everything OK and how is she. She was very important to me and I wanted to know she is all well.
We never really trained her, but she was very smart and understood what we wanted, what she shouldn't do, and when is the right time to do it so she won't get caught. She was usually happy, walking with her tail up all the time and always full of energy. She also hardly complained and whine when she was feeling bad or got hurt from something, just got back up like nothing happend.
Two years ago I went for a full year abroad, and my family and especially my young brother (who was born a year after we adopted our dog) took full care of her. But when I came back home, the dog wasn't in a good shape. Aging hit her hard even before this year, but now things looked more noticeable. Her tail wasn't up all the time anymore, she didn't bark and looked preety down. The family agreed that my absence was part of it, and she did got a little bit better when I got back, but things have clearly changed.
In the last year her health slowly declined more and more, we had to went more to the vet, and few moths ago we thought she was about to die since she wasn't eating, and I got to the point of saying farewell to her. Thankfully it was just a teeth problem that was fixed with a small procedure, and she recovered and was well again. But we did some checks just to be sure, and we found out her kidney was in a bad state, and sooner or later it may fail. We started trying to treat it to prolong her life as much as possible while keeping her life quality good. At first, things looked good and I was postive she will be OK and will stay with us for a long time. But in the last few weeks she ate less and less and lost weight to the point we saw her ribs, hip bones, and she had hard time walking. Last week the vet gave her medicine to raise her appetite which didn't help, and in the beginning of this week he gave her something more powerful and the directions to give her any food she wants, just to make sure she eat. He also told me her kidneys are probably about to fail, and she may suddenly die. I cried so much that evening, more than I cried in the last 10 years. I felt helpless, that soon she won't be with us anymore, and there is nothing I can do.
She was delighted at first from the cheese and meat she got, and I thought things will somehow be better. But after two days she started puking in our house and poop, in addition to the pee she was doing in the house for the last few weeks. Things didn't look good and yesterday she didn't want to eat anymore.
The whole family had diffrent views what we should do. Should we let her die by nature? or put her down? My brother was in denial and wanted her to live many more years, but this morning I told my family she won't survive the weekend in a state like this. At noon, when I got back from work, we had a discussion, and we decided it's best for her to put her down and end her misery. She was walking around all day, restless, without sitting or sleeping, draining her last powers, and if she didn't want to eat anything it was the end either way.
Few hours ago we took her to the vet and put her down. she was 14 and a half years old.
I don't know what to do now. She was such a big part of my life, there were times in my life that the only reason I woke up from bed was to take her for a walk, and now she is no longer here to walk with. There will be no one looking up to me when I come back home, waking up from a nap to greet me. I don't know how to fill this gap in my life. I feel heartbroken, I started crying out of the blue in the last days, and I don't see a purpose to life right now. I lost a beloved friend I took care of for so many years, and I feel so empty and sad.
I know it was the good thing for her once she didn't want to eat anything anymore, she was suffering. I belive she fought death so we will have more time with her, and she tried her best like the good dog she was. I just hope she is somewhere better now, feeling well, and someday I'll join her for a walk like when we were young, and we'll run together again and have fun.
Goodbye my beloved friend, I'll miss you.
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self.offmychest
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My mom (42f) told me(16f) that people who kill themselves deserve to go to hell [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Psychogenic Cough/Tic question So my girlfriend has been an anxious person since she was 11 when she developed a habit cough (psychogenic cough). The habit subsided for a while (very rare bouts of habit cough) until last year when her father died (she is 22 now). It's been on and off since then and the past month it has literally consumed her life. She wakes up and all she thinks about doing is coughing, and ticing (the tic is like a swallowing noise). She is obviously depressed and anxious. She went to see a doctor and they prescribed her Klonopin. I've done research on habit cough and have found some therapy studies (speech pathology) but it seems to be a pretty rare thing. Does anyone have experience with habit cough or could anyone help me in finding suitable care for her?
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self.depression
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I've made it obvious that my friend annoyed me with her complaining about the damn weather, and after I asked about her weekend she said it was bad... but its fine whatever. Tbh i felt relieved I didn't walk into more whining. [LIGHT] [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I can't stop thinking about dying every waking moment and i feel guilty when i allow myself a few moments of 'normalcy' [deleted]
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self.depression
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3-year GF of depressed person seeking support I realized when I woke up this morning that in that hazy state between sleep and waking, I had been having a conversation with myself about not wanting to be with my boyfriend anymore. I remember feeling dread toward being with him, and guilt for feeling that. This scares me, because I don't want to leave him.
There have been countless times when in that same sleep-wake state I just feel gushing gratitude and love for him and I wake up with a smile, and feeling this other thing just scares me.
My boyfriend (27) has been, for many years (basically his whole life since his teens) a sad and depressive person with suicidal inclinations. He self-harms regularly, but has never attempted suicide, though he speaks of it often. Myself (25), I am also sensitive and prone to depression, but after going through the worst of it a few years ago, a bit before I met him, I have resolved to not let myself fall into that pit again and I am generally able to hold a gentle and mildly hopeful outlook on life. Being with him has played a big part on me being able to love myself more and his encouragement led me to be able to move out of my emotionally abusive parents' house and I'm doing a lot better living on my own.
Last year, though, his depression worsened significantly and has caused strain on our relationship. We have been able to manage, but he has so many behaviors that are destructive - when he has an episode where he feels really bad, he refuses to talk to me, sometimes for days. He has curtly and suddenly broken up with me a few times when he has felt particularly hopeless, claiming that he needs to be alone and that he just cannot be close to anyone. Each time, we have gotten back together when he starts to feel better and then start talking again. It's always really natural and gentle and we're attracted to each other, and we deeply care for each other. It’s as if, because the relationship itself is mostly a life-affirming and positive thing for him, when he feels self-destructive it’s the first thing he wants to run from.
I have learned to deal with his retreating and I have learned to take it a lot less personally than I used to at first. But whereas our relationship has always been a space where we take care of each other, these past few months he has been consistently worse than I have ever seen him and I feel like I’m doing all of the work for the relationship, because he can only deal with himself.
There are very tender moments in which he tells me how much he appreciates me being there for him, and often enough we are able to just be together and have a fun time. But I’m starting to feel depleted, from the constant heavy negativity day after day. I feel like it already takes a lot for me to keep up a hopeful outlook for myself, and I have to do it for the both of us. I am starting to resent him for not making a commitment to well-being, but instead just seemingly choosing to suffer day after day.
I say seemingly because I do understand that it isn’t really a choice and it’s not as easy as him just choosing not to suffer. He keeps saying that he believes these are the last days of his life, and it will all end soon. I’m worried about him, and also feel powerless to really help.
His deepest problem, I think, is his high degree of generalized guilt and horror at the state of the world. He has told me that he feels he cannot be happy if there is even one person somewhere who is starving. I believe he feels he has to shoulder all the suffering of humanity, and perhaps this has something to do with his deep traumas of having been brought up Christian by a strict and self-sacrificing father. He has gone to psychoanalytic psychotherapy for years (not going now because of money), and though he says he has found it beneficial, I’m not sure to what extent it’s really helped. I feel he keeps digging stuff up about his childhood and his parents and himself but it doesn’t ever seem to make him really feel better. I personally think medication might help, but he is very averse to the idea.
I love him, I don’t want to resent him and I don’t want to start acting weird around him. At work, my hours have temporarily increased and it’s also contributing to my general tiredness because I really need time to zone out by myself and I’m not getting much of it. In a couple of weeks my schedule should be back to normal.
I did have a conversation a few days ago with him about how I felt, and he seemed really ashamed and called his own behavior childish. I felt better overall after speaking with him, and he assured me that he had heard and understood me and would make an effort to make me feel more appreciated. He is such a sweet boy, capable of such tenderness, and I love him with all my heart - but this weird apathetic numbness that I feel today, like I said, scares me.
If I’ve burnt myself out, how can I help emotionally refresh myself? All this time, I’ve been more or less able to brush off his negativity and tirelessly seek him out to give him support, but maybe I’ve been putting his needs before my own and I let resentment build up without realizing it. I’m not sure. I do want to find a way to balance it out. Can I get some encouragement?
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self.depression
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Just a fog I can’t focus I just so blind with anger sometimes. Then I go home and just want to cry and nothing happens. I just lay here on my couch and watch the time past and just lose sleep.
I had to have a co worker snap me out of it today. I was just lost in my head I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing.
I’m just tired of being tired. I just to let it all go but I can’t. I just hold on to it and let it devour every fiber of my soul.
I’m ready to be in love with someone again, I’m just to scare to talk to anyone. Nobody wants someone that is tainted.
I just hold on to nothing.
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self.depression
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I don't matter, never did and never will Absolutely nothing would change if I killed myself. I still consider suicide every day. The lost of my grandfather and being let go from my job less than a week later (no bad blood, it had to do with work and college schedules, but still) and 2 failed exams (once again, college) just exacerbates the depression and anxiety I already have. I was walking on a sidewalk yesterday in the cold and rain and almost walked into traffic just to end it. I walked over an overpass ober a highway and stopped and considered climbing the fence and jumping over. I hate my life and can't do anything to change it right now. Depression and anxiety and whatever else has gotten so bad that I no longer feel emotions. I'm legitimately dead, emotionally. No one would miss me anyway. And it wouldn't change anything. The world would still go on without me. I don't matter. I never have and never will.
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self.depression
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I feel constant suicidal urges because of the way I look. I try and try with my appearance but I’m still ugly and I’m just tired of it. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Even if I became a millionaire I would still sleep all day and wallow in misery and self-pity I would still be utterly alone as well. Sure, money could buy me some joy here and there. I would upgrade my consoles, buy tons of games and DVD's etc. But would being wealthy make me a better person? I highly doubt it. I can't escape the feeling of existential dread. Nothing matters. Nobody cares about me or what I do or what I am up to. What am I striving for on this planet? What motivation is there to get out of bed? They say life is what you make of it but when you hate yourself and feel surrounded by darkness on a daily basis how are you really supposed to find the light in anything?
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self.depression
|
Does anyone have experience with Oxazepam (Alepam)? I was just prescribed oxazepam (Alepam) to control my insomnia from bipolar and it seems to be working great. Is anyone else on it? And what was your experience?
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self.bipolar
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How can I tell myself to get stuff done? Listen. I'm depressed because I'm short and ugly and no girl likes me. Women across the attractiveness spectrum. Hot women, cute women, average-looking women, not-so-attractive women. Tall women, short women, etc...
Do anti depressants even help cases like mine? Honestly the only reason why I want them is so I can give my 100% on working hard in school and working hard towards a very good career so I can even think about and afford to put down 6 figures on literally every procedure under the sun to hopefully salvage my face.
A good online friend of mine recommended that and claimed that at least it can change things and get my appearance off my mind.
I've seen cases online where guys and girls have put literally 4-5 years of constant procedure + heal + repeat and literally drastically changed their looks by doing legit bone/skull work by doing things such as push forwards the entire maxilla and/or mandible + midface + cheek area etc and then getting a cocktail of small procedures afterwards. They have gone from being ugly (3-4/10) to being actually good looking (6-7/10). Or at least average looking (which I'd be fine with). Granted, these were really really hardcore and dangerous procedures with potential of death. But honestly I don't care. I know that if I try and get these procedures, and my fate doesn't end well, at least I tried.
If even after this I'm not attractive and there are few changes (unlikely though) and maybe if my height still blocks me (5'4") at least I know I tried.
Honestly the only motivation I have to try in life is to be able to make my money not to buy expensive cars, nor boats, nor dream of big things, but so I can get the simple joy of a relationship and hope that plastic surgery will be effective on me.
I know that plastic surgery has limitations, and I've been spending obsessively literally 6, 7, 8 hours daily researching them.
This is my last chance. This is my last hope. I've already decided just a few years ago that there is no point for me to live this life from being isolated and sometimes bullied in high school, I wish things would get better. I don't get bullied anymore and I have some friends.
But as a whole its not. I'm just rotting, unhappy, depressed. I don't know if I can take another 60-70 years of this pain and suffering, alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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A thank you to all the good mental health professionals out there I just want to say I love my pdoc. I love her like a fucking mother. She's been there for me since before diagnosis back in 2009, she's gotten me STD tested when I made a manic decision, she's told me no when I've asked for dumb med changes, she's seen me multiple times a week at times to keep me out of the hospital, she's kept me on vyvanse for most of the last six years because it helps when other docs might not even consider it, she responds to evidence, she got me pharmacogenetic testing and responds to the results, and in my last session she diagnosed me with ADHD (primarily inattentive) so my vyvanse would be covered under my new insurance. I mean, she's not committing fraud because having looked at the diagnostic criteria a few years back I really do have it, but she's doing it to make sure I can stay healthy and happy. The other day she texted me asking if I could recommend a mood tracker, and I gave her feedback on the results I found here and my own experience. I love my pdoc like a mom and it would break my heart to lose her.
This post is to thank those mental health professionals out there that you're grateful to have worked with.
Care to share any experiences?
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self.bipolar
|
I just don’t know anymore 15.5 years ago I was hospitalized for a week after a suicide attempt. The next few years were a total mess working with meds(my body reject most). Finally after the last med literally made me lose 2 months of my life(still don’t remember), I was taken off meds and got myself people around me and...survived. Not saying it wasn’t a struggle cause oh boy it was(you guys get it). 8 years ago my father passed. I lost it. I kept it together, but a year later I had anxiety and agoraphobia to the point I almost lost my job, but missed my bff and sisters weddings....all cause I physically couldn’t leave the house. I went to counseling and eventually was able to be stable again...or rather stable to my standards. Flash forward to a few months ago when my stability started wavering again. I started counseling. It was...good? I still found myself not 100% ok. I was however diagnosed with ADD at this point. *sigh* so I try to get an appointment, giving in to meds cause nothing that usually helps...is. Took me 3 weeks just to get a call back and now another 3 weeks for the actual appointment. No one seems to want to help even when I say “it’s critical” cause at this point, I’ve even considered cutting to help the pain. It’s been all I can do to not. My old friends obviously see deja bu from 15 years ago. Advice? I’m going to start running again and hoping that help.
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self.bipolar
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A kid shouted the most bizarrely arcane insult at me today I told a neighborhood kid not to come in my backyard. Next day, he opens his front door and screams at me from across the street "YOU DON'T HAVE A BACKYARD YOU CRETIN SCUM!!!!". I'm expecting him to shout at me "GO BUYETH A FENCE YOU SODOMIST PIZZLE!!!!" tomorrow.
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self.offmychest
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Anyone see Logic's suicide prevention thing on the Grammys last night? It all started after they went through the pictures of the people in the music industry who died this year, and froze it on Chester Bennington (I wrote a post shortly after he killed himself how much that affected me) but then Logic came out and did that song (1-800-273-8255 is actually the name of it, it's a suicide prevention hotline.) I just sat there and was like... holy fuck.
Toward the end, he starts talk-rapping addressing all the sexual assault allegations, and pretty much any and all oppressed people who might be feeling "less than"... minorities, the LGBT community, immigrants, etc. Basically his message was that no matter our differences in how we've been treated badly, we need to just stand together and support each other.
I've never seen anything like it in my life. So many people share their own stories on the shit they faced, and I've never seen anyone go up there with this No Voice Left Behind kind of message. And I'm sure some people would argue that the message was too broad and tangential, like he was trying to push some political agenda. But I personally feel like that's the problem - it's hard to start a dialogue about these issues when it only affects so few people.
As someone who had an entire side of their family wiped out due to suicide, the son of a mother who passively committed suicide, and being a survivor myself... this hit so hard for me.
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self.bipolar
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It's like a bad dream For me my depression is like I fell asleep the last time I was happy and haven't woke up yet and this is all just some crazy bad dream. I hope I wake up some day soon
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self.depression
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I'm wasting away and I don't know what to do. (f16) [deleted]
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self.depression
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I️ wonder what the daily users to active posts/participation ratio is on this subreddit. Did that make sense? Like I️ wonder if there are significantly less “active” users on this subreddit than there are for other 100k+ subreddits. It would seem fitting given the nature of the subreddit. I️ think it’d be hilarious if that were the case. Sometimes you gotta find humor in anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm tired I'm tired of excusing this disorder. I'm tired of trying to act 'normal' when it's so clear I'm not. I'm tired of full time work I can barely manage mentally. I'm tired of pretending I'm just 'tired all the time from work' and not in a major down period. I'm tired of being too medicated to get myself out of bed at 6am for work every fucking day, I'm tired of barely doing work while at work, I'm tired of going home to do nothing and repeat the same sick cycle the next day. I'm tired of chewing my nails, the wick, and wearing unironed clothes fresh from the washing line outside my room because I can't be fucked putting them away in my closet. I'm tired of being shamed publicly for these things because apparently neurotypical people shaming people who can't function is a great way to get them functioning again. I'm just tired of excusing my disorder, painting lie upon lie to cover up the terrible depression and worse mania. I do so many that to get home, to truly be myself alone, without some facade, is the closest thing I have to a holiday.
I'm just tired of it. I wish there weren't this horrible stigma and I could just tell people the truth why I'm not coping, but I can't, and instead I cop constant shit for keeping up the pretense of normality. Sometimes I wonder whether going 'fuck it' and telling everyone is the easier option.
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self.bipolar
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Fuck me. Hypomania for at least a week now. What to do I'm on my meds (abilify and ritalin). I have been waking up at 5pm every day for the past week or so. And I go to bed usually early at 10 or 11 pm. I've been on my meds for months. I had been depressed right before last week for at least a month.This is causing guilt.
Suggestions?
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self.bipolar
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"You should get out of bed and do something." Gee, thanks. I never even thought of that.....
I really hate it when people say this when I tell them that I CAN'T. It's TOO much effort and I've given up with life, so what reason is there to move? Getting help for mental health issues in the UK (especially in certain parts) is non-existent. I've gone to my GP countless times over my depression and all they do is throw useless medication at me that don't work (I was on antidepressants for three years and didn't help). I'm poor so can't afford private sessions and it seems like nobody cares about me, so why should I even get out of bed? Life is pointless and garbage. I'm done.
I'm sick of people calling me "lazy" or a "sponger" when I'm crying every single day and thinking of ending my life. And them saying, "Ohhhh, I'm depressed but still work". WTF, how does that help me exactly?! It just makes me feel SO much worse and makes me feel pathetic and weak that I, too, should be working. If I worked at the moment, I'd be fired very quickly for underperforming. I'd be breaking down constantly and what employer wants somebody like that?!? Even if I was ok, I wouldn't be able to get a job because I'm 23, never worked, don't have any job experience or qualifications. I'm a useless POS that shouldn't have even been born... 23/female
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self.depression
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Sort of a weird question, but what are some inspirational movies about overcoming anxiety/depression? Sort of a weird question, but what are some inspirational movies about overcoming depression/anxiety, “fixing” one’s life/getting their shit together/however you wanna phrase it, and being happy?
I ask because I’m in such a rut and can’t get out of it and my anxiety and depression has paralyzed me, and hurt those around me. Sometimes, like today, I feel a glimmer of hope. It helps me to read/watch stories I can identify with.
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self.Anxiety
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I should be happier,But i'm not... (Warning:rant incoming) Here I am,finally getting my Bachelor's degree after 9 years(In political science) and I actually was quite happy..but not so much anymore.
When I start thinking about how *utterly and truly fucked we are*
(Our current administration not only wants to run our country into the ground,but it appears that war is practically certain and promised..and please don't tell me that it can't happen..*Listen to the goddamn fucking rhetoric that our administration has been putting out! how is that NOT wanting nothing but war?!*)
And futhermore,I had two dreams:One was to go into the Air Force and another was to go to Japan.
And those dreams now? One(Air Force),derailed due to unsupportive family and shitty grades(caused in part due to a period where I was *THIS* close to suicide),and the fact that I HATE this current administration(the fact that my parents voted for him DOES NOT HELP...and my family is all Black Caribbean immigrants by the way...but thankfully,only my parents voted for him out of my whole family)
And the second(Japan),more than likely not to happen..or I do go over there..and then I die(Either vaporized by NK nuke or beaten to death by pissed off Japanese...let's just say they will not appreciate getting nuked a THIRD time because of us and losing YEARS of progress as a result).
And this whole BS situation has me going on a damn emotional rollercoaster..Don't go and at least be safe(and set myself up for a what-could-have-been situation)..or I go,the shit happens..and I die. yay. -_-
And then there's the fact that our country is really going to shit,and as a black man,I am scared shitless.
I've been thinking all kinds of crazy shit because of all this(Suicide,hoping for aliens to come and destroy us,etc.).
I hate to say this,but In my VERY personal and humble opinion(and this can be the TL;DR):
With everything that is happening and is more than likely to happen next year:
**I think we're fucked. And I see NOTHING that can lead me to think otherwise. In fact,I think we're SO fucked it's not even funny.**
*God help us all.*
:(
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self.Anxiety
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[Rant] Prescription happy doctors have made it impossible for people need actual meds to get them! **TRIGGER WARNING: there is mentions of suicide and medications in this**
Apologies for title gore. Also typos (for people WHO need actual meds)
So amidst this opioid epidemic and doctors prescribing things willy nilly, there are doctors that, as a result, do not want to prescribe any Narcotics, Benzos, etc and this is screwing over people who actually need these meds.
When I got my new doctor, I told her the debilitating anxiety I had and what I was prescribed and right off the bat she says she doesn't prescribe anything like that, which I get, so I go get a psychiatrist. Prior to seeing this woman, My therapist tells me That "I'd be lucky if this psychiatrist prescribes anything like that" even though I have been on these meds before and haven't abused them (Hell I hate taking them but they work). I see the psychiatrist and I barely get away with getting Klonopin and she gives me about 10 pills, which is fine since I only take them when I have a doctors appointment but still, 10 pills, no refills and for a whole month...okay.
So I go there today and tell her the Klonopin isn't working anymore, it works for about 30 minutes if I'm lucky and all it does is make me dopey, I'm still in panic mode inside and want to rip my skin off and run for my life when anxiety hits. I tell her this because I have a very important doctors appointment coming up and they need to do a procedure that a receptionist told me was excruciatingly painful (which, shout out to her for making my anxiety so bad I was considering suicide over doing this procedure and giving me a mini nervous breakdown!)
So what does this woman do? She gives me something weaker that I know will NOT work. I've been on so many meds, I feel like I'm at the point where I know what will work and what won't and she might as well written me a script for a sugar pill.
This is what she decides to do after I tell her how anxious I am, how a heavy duty benzo isn't working and how I'm near the brink of ending my life due to fear and anxiety and have no options left.
Do I blame her for being cautious? No.
But I made it very clear I don't abuse these pills (to the point where I told her, prescribe me only one pill for this appointment, just one and never again so I can MAKE IT THROUGH this procedure I desperately need) I made it clear I hate taking them and only take them when needed and even refused a refill today because I had some left over.
She's not the first doctor I met that is like this though and I know others go through the same. Instead of legitimate meds people need, we're told to use "techniques" that we've exhausted and don't work. Instead of meds we need we're given weak meds that are a waste of time.
At the end of the day there are people who need these medications to actually help us, to get us through things we HAVE to do and we're getting to the point where there are no options.
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self.Anxiety
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I need there to be something wrong with me [deleted]
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self.depression
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I think this is it Currently crying in my closet waiting for the balls to go through with it, just can't figure out how to hang myself with my belt. Don't even know why I'm typing this but if this is it then goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Thank you This community quietly helped me as I have dealt with anxiety. So thanks. Big changes I've made lately; no more coffee and I switched to a paleo diet.
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self.Anxiety
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Body Dysmorphia My head is fucked. I have body dysmorphia which means I either see things that aren't real or I focus on things about myself way more than other people do. I wish the things I see were made up. I really really do. I know they're not though. I spend hours on photoshop altering my pictures of how I would look if I could get the surgeries I want done. The final result is bittersweet. Cause I see the picture and think there could be hope for me. If I looked like that, I'd be satisfied. But then the bitterness sets in when you realize you don't have the money for that, and by the time you ever did have the money for that, you'd be old and you wouldn't even be able to enjoy being youthful and beautiful.
Yeah, I'm superficial. I know, people will say there is more to life. Well try standing in my shoes. If you don't have body dysmorphia and you try to say these things to me, then fuck you. You think I enjoy feeling like I can't enjoy life because I believe I'm hideous? There's a reason why people with body dysmorphia have the highest rate of suicide for mental illness, and it's because not only are we tormented by the fact that we're disfigured, but also we're tormented by how shallow and horrible of a person that makes us to care so much about it. It's because we really believe we are better off dead than having people look at us, or ourselves look at us.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What’s the quickest way to do it without using a gun. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Well I’m off my Meds and I feel free but I also feel satanic and melancholic bliss and pure joy and I want to punch a wall [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Help I go to therapy, I’ve been diagnosed with depression. I was referred to a hospital, which is the only place i can get medicine. They rejected me. The thought of going makes me unhappy but I just want medicine. They said if I go a month with therapy and feel worse I can reapply. I’ve been feeling so suicidal recently but I can’t tell anyone, the thought of telling someone makes me want to die. Should I tell my therapist? I don’t want to be on suicide watch, but everyday i get into a deeper depression and I would just rather be dead
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self.depression
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Feeling very helpless, incredibly shamed and embarrassed by my past. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
thanks for helping me thanks a lot to everyone who has tried to help me out through everything that was going on with me it was appreciated a lot I have talked to my parents about everything and they agreed to take me to a psychologist to help me out I have just taken the appointment and I hope that soon I will be really happy and get all my issues sorted and thanks a lot to the people who have helped me it really meant a lot to me
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self.depression
|
Have you ever had a panic attack due to fear of euphoria? I was absolutely euphoric this morning and then I started getting anxious bc I knew it wasn't just normal happiness and had a full blown panic attack where I legitimately thought I was going to die. Talk about buzz killer haha
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self.bipolar
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I create stories in my head that make me depressed. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Something's off with my mental health. I'm not even quite sure how to explain it, but if I'm in a good state of mind, I can do everything. I'm talking uni work, social life, hobbies, all of it. And the motivation to just keep going is relentless.
But I've noticed on a few occasions that when I'm in a bad place, boy am I low. I find it hard to get out of bed, nearly start crying out of nowhere, self-sabotage, etc...
Worst thing is I seem to flit between these two things at the drop of a hat. I recall over summer I wrote a first draft of a screenplay in a week, had so much fun with all my friends and started dating someone new. Then by the end of September something just seemed to switch off and I lost all momentum - I went through the motions for a fortnight it seems. Even though I'd go to the library to work for 4+ hours each day (sometimes a full day) I wouldn't get anything done because my brain wouldn't switch into gear and I'd just feel so empty.
After two weeks of the above paragraph, out of nowhere I was right as rain again, literally out of nowhere. And I commented on this to my friends, most of whom noticed that change. Bear in mind *nothing* triggered the switch. I don't know, it's just bizarre. That streak lasted until the other day, and now I just can't shake back to normality - I came home early today and just hid in bed because I'm scared and worried.
Long story short, I don't know wtf to do. When I go home over Christmas I'm going to grab a meeting with my GP and see if there's a diagnosis that can be for something - I've never been diagnosed with anything before but I've had issues with weight/eating/body image, self-harm, substance abuse (though nothing I haven't been able to reel in), and probably internalised homophobia. I suspect there's definitely something off, but I obviously have no clue what it is and am not about to self-diagnose.
Strange to say but even though I'm in a weird place I know it's going to be fine. I have a support circle of friends and family who love me, and I appreciate how lucky I am to have that. I also have got my teeth into The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and that has helped my damaging thought processes a lot. But something just feels to be looming over me.
TLDR; Seem to flip from great moods to emptiness at the drop of a hat for weeks at a time. Just kinda need reassurance that it's going to be okay.
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self.offmychest
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How I overcame my intrusive thoughts in 15 Days [removed]
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self.depression
|
Helping cope with spouse’s anxiety *throwaway account*
Tl;Dr - support and help for myself while being supportive of a wife with high anxiety.
Been having trouble figuring out who to talk to and figured anonymously on the Internet is as good a place as any.
My wife goes through various ebbing and flowing of anxiety and has been doing really solid for a long while but I must have forgotten how bad her anxiety can be. During the week we spend time apart because she is in school and I work and then we make the most of our time together on the weekend. Its been stressful on the relationship but we’ve been doing it a few years and only have a semester left.
This past few weeks I’ve had some rough stuff going on in my life and it’s coincided with my wife’s high anxiety. I’ve been feeling really alone and unable to lean on my wife. I’ve always tried to do what I can to help my wife when her anxiety gets bad but I’ve realized that when I do, I do it at the cost of my own sanity.
So I’m here asking for advice and also some words of support...
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self.Anxiety
|
Why am I such a mess? I really don't know what happened to me in my early childhood, or if my brain is just made to be wired this way. But I always want what is toxic and destructive. Am I fun, sure, do I have tons of great stories worth telling: fuck yeah. Shit, one of the members of Gogol Bordello invited me personally to see the show the night they were here. I like myself, fuck in a world that tells us to hate ourselves, I generally love myself. But I love destroying myself. I date the worst men, and I fall in love with the worst men. Like I get it, none of us are perfect, but man. I always find the most fucked ones, I like healing broken birds, because I too am one.
This one guy. This guy is perfect, in the most deranged way. But instead of ranting on about the bad, I always loved focusing on the good in him. He had great music taste, was charming, adorable, physically perfect, witty, brilliant, had amazing music taste, and just unpredictable. It was like, when we talked, I was inside my own brain. It was both comforting and weird. We both have huge chips on our shoulders, to just flat out say it: we are both fucked.
I'm into kinky shit, back when I was 6; I was watching tv and some cop show, had a scene with a girl in handcuffs and being completely dominated. It stuck with me. Not to mention, shibari is gorgeous af, I am a sub. It balances out my politically active and humanitarian nature. I am always shutting down white supremacy, and just bullshit people believe. Let's face it guys, most people are stupid af and I am tired of dealing with it. He was the balance, he was a dom. A spineless sadist: if you will; it took him a long time to be ok with who he is, but from what I have gathered it has made him happier. Which honestly make me happy for him, he deserves happiness. Did he do a lot of ugly shit to realize it, yeah, but whatever. I am an asshole too, I have fucked up a lot, done lots of things I am not proud of. But I refuse to regret, ever. At least I lived.
I want nothing more than to apologize, I ducked out after I told him all the conditions I wanted, he agreed to them. He hates me, he won't reply to me, or maybe he is just over it. Either way, that is a shame, I wanted to explore all the kinks on my list with him ( there are a lot). But when he told me he was a sadist, that isn't what got me. What got me was when he told me, he was likely to do the opposite of everything I said. Did that mean my consent was also on the line? My consent had been violated before and I didn't want to put myself in that situation again. I didn't want to just willingly give myself up then open up old scar tissue. I could have been an adult and talked about that, but I didn't. Because I am a coward, who can't just let herself have what she wants, even if it isn't good for her. After all I am here for a good time, not a long time, and that would have been so much fun. But he keeps ignoring me, and I can only keep waving the white flag for so long before it becomes embarrassing.
|
self.bipolar
|
In Canada, what are the consequences of making a suicide attempt and recovering? [LONG text, sorry] This subreddit is very quiet, but I don't think my question would be allowed in /r/AskReddit. /r/AskCanadian subreddit is very quiet too. I hope someone knowledgeable can help me.
Please correct me if I'm wrong. When you attempt suicide in Canada and police or paramedics are called, this event is recorded in the Canadian Police Information Centre (CPIC) database (as well as any relevant local police and medical databases).
From googling, I've found out that consequences include:
1. I won't been able to get a firearms license (a wise restriction).
2. I probably won't be able to [travel to] (https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2011/01/29/canadian_woman_denied_entry_to_us_because_of_suicide_attempt.html) or through the USA (suicide attempts can be recorded in the Canadian Police Information Centre database, which is [somewhat] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Police_Information_Centre) [accessible] (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/canadians-mental-health-info-routinely-shared-with-fbi-u-s-customs-1.2609159) by the FBI and U.S. Customs and Border Protection).
If a person attempts suicide, recovers, and is able to become mentally healthy and live a normal life, what other permanent negative consequences are there?
Can insurance companies dig up this information? (Affecting extended private health, life, or even auto insurance eligibility?)
Will prospective employers be able to find this through background checks?
Will mental health history be covered in the Canadian Government Security Screening?
I mean, will you be treated like a convicted criminal, not allowed to work with confidential information (like someone who helps do your taxes or a medical office assistant), transport medical supplies (like insulin or donated blood), or transport hazardous materials (like a freight truck driver transporting a load of pool cleaning supplies)?
Security screening focuses on your [reliability] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Security_clearance#Canada). I can't find specific mention of mental health, but I think that can be considered a significant factor of a person's reliability.
I also don't know the negative long term consequences of having "suicidal thoughts" or "involuntary hospitalization" in my medical record. Will this also hurt my ability to get a job or insurance?
I'm afraid to admit to anyone that I've seriously considered killing myself. I don't want to be involuntarily locked up for [three months] (https://www.legalline.ca/legal-answers/involuntary-hospital-admission-of-mentally-ill-people-and-length-of-stay/) or more.
Years ago I had a psychotherapist who just kept prescribing different drugs which left me feeling extremely detached, unable to concentrate on anything, and a lot of other side effects (like dry mouth). I don't want that again. I hated those drugs.
I had a very difficult time finding a psychotherapist who seemed right for me. I hesitate to say this, but I found some of them very unprofessional: one spent all of our sessions asking me technical computer questions and essentially getting paid to pester me as his personal IT support person (he was the drug pusher); another was working hard on an academic thesis with a really narrow focus which he forcefully tried to apply to all of our therapy sessions whether it made sense or not. He would ignore any patient problems or issues if they were not dream related and can also be drawn on paper. He adamantly refused to do anything else. I couldn't make this up if I tried. All of this turned me off of therapy for years. Canadian healthcare might be better than in the United States in some ways, but there's a lot of flaws and problems, too.
In recent days I had been having increasingly frequent suicidal thoughts, but so far it's gone down and I've been holding steady. I managed to find a relative to talk to. Not a resolution or even a reliable source of support, but it's pulled me back from the edge. Also, finding [this] (https://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_information/suicide/Pages/default.aspx) web page at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (Canada) helped. It's slender comfort, but where the page explains why and "Who is at risk?" and "What are the warning signs?" - it was like a brief warm sunbeam because whoever wrote that web page understood exactly how I feel.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this. I hope someone can answer my questions. How screwed am I if there are records of me having attempted suicide, or being locked up in a hospital, or even admitting that I wanted to die?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Am I depressed, or just a piece of shit? I've been kind of miserable for a while now and I'd really like to make a change before I go off the deep end. Friends have suggested that I may be depressed. I've seriously considered this possibility for years now, but honestly I think I'm just a lazy piece of shit and appropriately unhappy because of it. My bad habits and decisions result in feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, remorse, self-hatred, etc. to the point that I lose my shit or just shut down. Looks like depression, but really I'm just reaping what I sow. I'll concede that there are legitimate sources of strife in my life/from my past that are out of my control/not my fault, and that they could very well be a root for issues or whatever but so what, everyone has a shitty childhood and I can't just cop out and blame all my shortcomings on abuse. I want nothing more than to be a healthy, balanced, stable and productive person; but when it comes down to the basic decisions that determine the course of one's day I always choose thit.easy, empty, impulsive, instantly gratifying, stupid wrong decision. Every action has a reaction, and I'll do or not do a thing knowing damn well I'll be miserable because of it later. So is it depression if its my own fault? Does it even matter? At this point the question is less "am I depressed?" and more "am I insane?".
|
self.depression
|
Any tips for the first session? I am going for therapy again on Saturday, I have only tried it out once before this but somehow we didn't click. What can I do from my end to make sure it is satisfactory? do I start from the beginning or do I start with what is bothering me right now? any advice is appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Lithium Started Lithium 300 (on top of my usual meds - Lexapro, Trileptal, etc.) a couple of weeks ago despite being deathly afraid of this med.
Insanely worried about gaining weight on this. Currently the only thing I notice that's different is being thirsty (which I'm used to as that has happened with other meds) and feeling like I have a lump in my throat.
With all that said, I AM feeling... better.
What are your experiences with Lithium?
Someone calm my nerves about gaining weight please.
|
self.bipolar
|
Well, I’ve figured out why I drink so much I drink so much because when more often than not when I fall asleep naturally and haven’t “exhausted” my brain either by “distracting” it with whatever asinine things I can find before collapsing or drinking to the point where I just collapse, my brain drifts inevitably to consciousness and life and its brevity and eventual death, and that *REALLY FUCKING BOTHERS ME*. And I’ve been dealing with these kinds of thoughts even before I could drink. When I turned 10, my granddad said “you’re a double-digit kid now”, or something to that effect. Ever since then I’ve always had that at the back of my mind, and that I’m always getting older and my mortality is an ever increasing thing and *FUCK I HATE THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT WHEN I JUST WANT TO GET SOME SLEEP AND GET THROUGH THE DAY WITHOUT HAVING TO BLACK MYSELF OUT TO GO TO BED.*
Sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this. It just seemed like the right place as I try not to hyperventilate thinking about the day I don’t wake up while falling asleep.
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self.Anxiety
|
I can guarantee that not a single person on this earth would care if I died Nobody. I promise you.
If nobody cares if I die, and I myself don't want to be alive, then why wouldn't I just die?
And don't say you would care because you wouldn't. You wouldn't even know I was dead so you couldn't.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
28 yo living at home with parents, no real job, very lonely. This is going to be a really long rant about complaining about my life. I'm sorry if I lack any sort of perception of my own suffering. But I just feel like I really need some sort of community to talk to. I can't remember where I may have read this, but research shows that being socially isolated can have a drastic effect on your cognitive functioning, and I'm scared to death about that.
Right now, I am still living with my parents, and I work for a delivery company. I used to feel like I had my life together until I dropped out of grad school (wasn't smart enough/ was in a terrible situation at that time), but looking at it in retrospect, I know i was pretty delusional. I feel like I could apply to jobs, but am always met with certain anxiety that no one will ever read my application, let alone that my professional writing skills are terrible. I have mild dwarfism and cannot but help to notice every reaction the interviewer has as I walk in. This really takes a toll on my confidence, and because my parents are not going to be here longer, I have no idea what the future holds for me.
Perhaps there are many people in the same boat, but it's impossible to build any sort of confidence where you live in a society that expects you to have your own house or else you will be isolated, outcast and live in your parents house.
Honestly, I can't really piece my thoughts together and sound a bit incoherent. I have been depressed for such a long time so I can only imagine how that has affected my thinking and maybe this has affected my way of communicating, even on the internet. All I really want is some form of solidarity and a community. I am just tired of being alone.
|
self.depression
|
Very complicated relationship Sorry in advance for the long post. Please no negative comments about how I should just leave her. I've gotten that from Facebook groups and I don't want to hear it. I'm committed to at least giving this a shot. Also note that we both have depression.
So this is the story of my first and (so far only) relationship. For years I despaired of ever meeting someone who understood me. Then in mid August I met a girl on a Facebook dating group who I really clicked with and who has cerebral palsy and liked me and understood my struggles. Things were great for 4 weeks and we were talking about meeting. Then she disappeared. After a week of desperate worrying I contacted her family. I was told she was grounded. No date, no reason, no nothing just she's grounded for the foreseeable future. I looked up her address and sent her a letter saying I'd wait for her. I never got a response. The next almost 3 months were some of the worst in my life. I won't go into too much detail so as not to trigger anyone but it was very bad. My self esteem plummeted, I felt that no one would ever like me, and I'd end up alone forever. I was contacted a month later by the same family member who told me she was grounded and she asked for my address to send a reply. Another almost 2 months passed with no word. My depression deepened. Then on Sunday, a day after literally the lowest point for me in this story, out of the blue I got a text from her saying she's ungrounded. I was overwhelmed with many complex emotions. She won't tell me what exactly happened but she wants to move forward with me. Here's the thing, first it bothers me not to get an explanation as to why I was put through all this pain. Second I should mention that when she first got my letter she didn't open it because she's been stalked in the past and thought that's what I was doing. Her sister and grandma convinced her to open it and she swears she doesn't think that after reading it. Third even though she says she wants to be with me... Things seem different. She's not as affectionate or attentive and she told me to "not get ahead of myself about what's going on because we need to take it slow". I didn't used to get anxious every time I was waiting for a text back but now it consumes me. I'm worried I'm making a big deal out of nothing so I'm afraid to talk to her about how I feel. My parents say that since she's been hurt pretty bad in the past she's probably just scared. I really don't want to screw things up by upsetting her about this and I feel like it's more my burden to bear and deal with but I'm just not sure how.
|
self.depression
|
I can't fucking do this shit anymore I'm a fucking joke. My life is a fucking disgrace and so am I. I fucking hate everything. I'm fucking tired. I can't fucking keep doing this shit. Everything is a fucking disappointment. Nothing ever fucking lasts. I'm just a pathetic angry piece of human trash. I deserve to die, and I think I want to die too. I don't want to keep fucking doing this shit anymore. I just can't.
I can't.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm considering killing myself if I'm going to have to stay in this shitty country for the rest of my life. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't think things will ever get better. I feel like I'm unlucky. I live in a shared flat, people I don't like keep coming and going. I hate my job, I don't have any friends, I can't rely on my family and I had a shitty childhood.
I don't see the point in any of this. I go through 8 hours of work every day, make my way home bitter as shit, stress about the people that are occupying the house and what they'll do to fuck me over. Repeat the whole week.
It all feels like a cruel fucking joke. I wish I was never born.
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety attacks and traveling for the next 8 days, what is my best course of action for debilitating anxiety attacks I keep having hyperventilating attacks and I will dry heave and it's starting to happen in public. I've been medicated for anxiety before, but have been off medication for the past year.
I am 1,000 away from home for a week- I didn't think it would escalate like this right now. Should I go to the ER? Should I find a psyciatrist here? Urgent care? Thank you!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Focused on the wrong things I'm 24. Finished college, been working freelance from home for a few years, getting by. Live with my parents. Huge addiction to collecting, hoarding I guess but I keep it organised. I've thrown myself into collecting and gaming and neglected everything else. I can't cook much, I can't drive. All my friendships from school fell away by the end and I didn't make an effort to make friends at college. I have very little confidence. I can go to a counter and pay for something, but it's always kind of nervy, not overtly noticeable but there.
I know a few people on Twitter and Facebook through games, quite good friends with them, a couple of them want to meet up but I feel like if they met me, this facade I've kept up would shatter. I just imagine meeting them in a cafe or something and not having the confidence to order, and not being able to look them in the eye.
I've fallen into a rut, kept doing what I know and not breaking out of that routine.
How can I catch up? I don't know, it sounds silly, but experience of socialising and life and all that, that builds your confidence, yes? Over years you build that confidence, but here I am, without those years, wanting to meet with my peers but it's literally square one for me whereas they've got other friends, they've had friends for years etc.
|
self.Anxiety
|
dontbeme its not worth it. never end it where i was. i never sought help. i never asked for it. i even took the easy option of an entire box. not waking up tomorow. dont be me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I think I make my decision and end with everything [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I fucked myself over and lost a great friend. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
A's and B's in college I feel that I'm doing relatively okay with academics, but my life as a whole feels meaningless.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I Have a Problem with my Plan So I want to donate my organs still. I think I will overdose on the pain medications that I get do deal with my Chronic illness. I'm just worried that I wont be found in time and that my organs will go to waste. Does anyone else think about this stuff?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Feel like I'm slowly losing it In my mind I know that slowly, yet surely, my willpower and sanity is slipping away. I try meditation every night and it just doesn't seem to help enough. I don't trust my friends to help because none of them can, and I don't have a significant other...what do I do? I know I need to act now before it's too late.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone know of a good online pharmacy or where I can look up reviews to them? Hey guys.
I'm looking to find an online pharmacy but I don't even know where to start besides a google search which just gives me way too much info anyway.
Can someone guide me in the right direction or help me out?
Thanks!!
|
self.depression
|
its time ive been reading this forum for the past few days. ive been having these feelings for years but more intensely the last 7 months. i have no job, no money, no family, no friends no potential and no reason to live. i have totally given up. i dont care if my actions hurt anyone else. i actually love knowing that my actions will hurt people. ive tried to do this with pills and alcohol for a while now but now i am going to just hang myself. i am not legally able to purchase a gun or else id already be gone. as soon as i am in this house alone i will be taking this noose, putting it around my neck and leaving this world for good. please mark my grave unknown
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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