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Everything is gone What little light I had inside of me is gone. I have no will to live and nothing to do it for.
And at the end, I wasn't worth anything. What a worthless piece of shit. Waste of space. I should've died before I was born.
I'll live, but I don't know how.
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self.offmychest
|
My Neshamami. 4 years ago, my twins from K, my ex-gf, were born. That ended up killing my relationship with Y, which was the biggest love of my life.
Not that Y was healthy for me. Artist type, unstable, a tad violent, but oh so special. My shrink said you can't live life on a stormy sea, well that was Y, but I never yelled uncontrollably "I love you" while making love except with her.
And now it has been 2.5 years without her, and honestly I am not sure if I still love her or if it is just nostalgia, "dor" in Romanian, "saudade" in Brazilian, remembering what I once hoped my life would be, and how she was the last chance for that.
My life is great by nearly any manner you can judge it, with K and the twins, and all I am accomplishing. Yet the great curse of humanity, of never being content, has not skipped my doorstep.
I miss Y. I miss her young skin, her big breasts, her melodic laughter, her art, her strangeness, all we had in common.
We shall never speak again. And I have a her-shaped hole in my soul, or is it shaped like what she symbolizes?
At least I feel something.
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self.offmychest
|
I really need to go to the eye doctor, but I'm too scared. I needed to do a follow up with my eye doctor about my contacts and glasses, but couldn't and now it's been 5 months...And I'm too scared of going in and having him reject me or yell at me, even though I desperately need a prescription update and new glasses.
I feel so pathetic and everyone thinks I'm a moron because of it.
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self.Anxiety
|
I just had my first time I am so pleasantly surprised, like I was really scared off Sex because I didn't want to disappoint my partner and all that stuff but it was just amazing. Like it was super intensive and the way we rubbed our bodies together and kisses just made me feel like all my love was flowing through her, I am so fucking happy right now
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self.offmychest
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2017 has seen the worst of me. Hopefully 2018 won’t have to see me at all. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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This is gonna sound stupid. I just wish my life didn't turn out the way it ended up being. I'm 17 years old and when I look towards my friends and family I can already tell they will all be successful and happy people. But everything is overwhelming me. I'm not very smart, I am very short(5'6 staying as far away from r/short as possible.) While I do well in school, it's mostly because I study like a crazy person while everyone else I know gets great grades with little to no effort. I just wish I could be like my friends, attractive, tall, talented and just naturally smart. Just having one of those traits would let me stop hating myself. I put up this dumb fucking act like nothings wrong, and it's worked for the most part, no one suspects anything. I just want to go away. I just can't keep doing this.
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self.depression
|
Trileptal side effects?? Please say they're temporary... Ok, so far I'm 1 week in on the full dosage of 600mg am/pm and I'm starting to feel extremely drowsy and fatigued and have noticed my sense of taste has changed. Coffee tastes watery, garlic and sweets aren't that strong if I taste it at all... It's like it has seriously dulled my sense of taste. (And my personality.) So, not only am I exhausted I can't enjoy food. I really hope this passes soon. :(
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self.bipolar
|
how to tell if a friend has depression So recently my friend told me he thinks he has depression. I know that depression is pretty much never immediately obvious in a person but I know this person pretty well and I honestly don't think he does.
As a trans dude he hugely struggles with dysphoria. He has conservative parents which makes transitioning super difficult. He doesn't get on well with his family at all which are borderline abusive and has come close to suicide because of the stress in his life. But outside of home and when he isn't thinking about his physical appearance, he's super hyperactive and genuinely happy.
I understand that what he goes through is horrendous but I don't think he suffers from depression. What he has is curable- when he gets along with his family, he's happy, and when he makes a step in his transition, he's hugely overjoyed for close to years. He has physical and tangible problems which are the cause of his sadness and can make it go away. Depression, on the other hand, is a chemical imbalance in the brain and can be contributed towards by things in the physical world but is more or less exclusively neurological. You can't make depression go away by changing things in your environment. What he describes to me most often is sadness and not depression.
I've struggled with depression my entire life and occasionally i've tried talking to him about it but he doesn't understand it as much as a normal person would. I try not to make assumptions about people but I don't think it's a good idea for him to say he has depression. Any input?
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self.depression
|
I know I’m loved but I can’t feel it. My family is rich, I live in a great neighborhood, and my family loves me (to the best of their ability). I know I’m loved, I really do. I know people care and people will be hurt if I die or even kill myself.
So why can’t I feel it? I feel like the worlds shittiest, most disrespectful, and disgusting child. I’m a bad friend and an asshole and I know people in school only talk to me out of pity. I look at myself in the mirror and scoff in disgust because I can’t find anything about me worth anyone else’s time.
I don’t talk to my family anymore. I lock myself away in my room listening to music or wallowing in sudden wave of sadness to sudden wave of sadness. I don’t know why I feel this way and I remember when it started. It was just like a switch, a flick on and it hasn’t flicked off. I haven’t been to a therapist because I’m sure they’re just gonna tell me what I already know or make everything worse.
School has become harder and harder to do. I’m a relatively smart guy, I get good grades and I’m in challenging classes, but they’ve only gotten harder and harder and I’ve gotten lazier and lazier. Whenever I’m on break from school I work super late hours at my job everyday. I don’t get breaks anymore. My bosses are dickheads and my coworkers are worse. I’m the youngest one there and I can’t seem to avoid the abuse they pass of as “friendly jokes”. Whenever I get home from anything now all I do is sleep and try to continue from there, but it’s hard. I’ve lost motivation to do anything. Even the idea of killing myself seems far fetched because of how much planning is needed.
I’m so young, too. I’m only 17, a senior in high school. Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I just be normal? My small town is very... conservative. I’m a gay guy and I hate myself for it. I hate that I sing in choirs and act in theaters because I’m just pushing the stereotype. I hate who I am and how I act. I try to please other people and sometimes it works but I end up feeling bad I can’t make everyone happy.
This post is more of a rant than anything else. I’m sorry for that. Thank you for reading. If you have any advice, please... Help me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Mania or Mixed State I didn’t sleep last night and I don’t feel tiered.
My husband is mad because I’m functionally not working. I’m also not cleaning. Our apartment is filthy and I can’t lift a finger to help. I’m such a failure as a wife...
Im trying to find better work. It’s hard when your multiply disabled. Also we’re in a rural area so jobs are short.
I sit and cry and not do anything. I can’t get up or be productive. I just want to feel ok, I don’t.
I’m going to call my doctor. If this continues I’m going to spiral out of control again. I don’t have insurance until the 15th though... so that’s not good.
I feel terribly depressed but super awake. Fuck this.
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self.bipolar
|
i Feel bad talking to my mom about my anxiety [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Can your soul be dying if your not meant to be alive. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I'm destined to be alone until the day I die. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Today is going well Something about today is going well. I do not feel as sad and scared as previous days have been. This may have to do witg telling my father about mybproblems with my anxiety. He was very understanding and has gone through a similar experience at his age. So, I understand there is more to life than just moments of doubt, fear, and isolation. Things will move and change.
Some thing I find helpful is to wave to other people in cars when in traffic jams.
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self.Anxiety
|
"I don't love you right now, but I know that I still do." That is how I feel. It makes me sad, because I sense a need for emotional support on my SO's end of things, but it isn't changing. I can't feel him. I can't feel myself. I know this will pass, as it's happened so many times before... But we recently learned we share this diagnosis, and he needs me right now. That makes this so much harder to process. I'm heartbroken for him, in the moments I can feel anything at all. Fuck.
Please send me some positive energy. And if anyone has any anecdotes about bipolar-bipolar relationships, feel free to share, because I need your insight.
|
self.bipolar
|
I can't see a point in either living or dying [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bombed my school’s interview today for a transfer mentor position. Drew a little doodle of what my anxiety felt like [anxiety](https://imgur.com/gallery/nKste)
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self.Anxiety
|
13 year old w/bipolar 2 and lying My daughter was very recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2. A teacher emailed me that she told another student at school that she has cancer and needs surgery. She also told friends a teacher got mad at her and threw rocks at her (this supposedly happened outside). These events both happened this week, and she eventually acknowledges that she is not telling the truth..but there have been many situations that are very hard to tell if she's being honest. Another incident she accused a girl in her Girl Scout troop of telling her she should 'just go kill herself' and she also claimed a teacher told her she was a 'terrible person'. She often will tell me her dad says really mean things to her and when I talk to him his account is very different. I really want to support and back her 100% but she makes it so hard. I don't know how to deal with this. I know her mind works differently than mine and I think maybe she hears these things because she thinks these people actually feel this way. Any advice is appreciated I am just trying to understand her and support her the best I can.
|
self.bipolar
|
Found my diary entry from last year. Fun times. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Has anyone had experiences with transcranial magnetic stimulation? I recently got a new therapist and she suggested this as a possible treatment for my persistent depression/bipolar disorder. It's relatively new as a procedure for this and I wanted to know if anyone has experience with it--if you've had it done or know someone who has.
I'm scared of it altering me too much--changing my brain or memories or personality too drastically.
|
self.bipolar
|
Only my pillow will hear my screams and feel my tears
|
self.depression
|
trying to opt out of a week-long seminar because i can feel a depressive cycle coming on, but worrying about how this will affect my future [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
My mom wants to commit suicide and over some guy she never met I'll start from the beginning: my mom is single and over the past year she has tried to find a relationship through one of those online dating sites. At first she found this guy who was "living overseas" and wanted to meet her. They communicated by text and rarely ever spoke on the phone. Then all of a sudden, she told me that she was gonna send him $500 for his flight to the U.S. At that moment I told her that he was obviously scamming her just to get her money. But she went ahead and sent it away and said that he would pay it back to her double.
So she waited and waited all month during the holidays last year and never arrived. He kept making stuff up that he couldn't make it to meet my mom. But she still believed this frickin guy and kept exchanging texts with him. That's the time we really hit rock bottom and was about to be evicted from our apartment. That loss of $500 really affected us. We got evicted and now live in a small room for rent.
About the first months of 2017 she had tried to keep up with the bills after losing that $500 but couldn't that's why were no longer in our apartment.
And now recently this month, she went back again on one of those dating sites then found some guy who was in the army and wanted to meet him.
Now again this guy was asking $300 from her now.
This was over the weekend recently, I tried everything to stop her but she still didn't want to face the facts that all these guys that she's been talking to are just scamming her out of her money. So she went ahead and sent it now.
That's where I got into an argument with her back and forth. I said that I would leave her and live with my grandparents instead if she keeps doing this.
Then she freaked out and through a tantrum how her life is miserable and wanted to kill herself if I leave her.
I just don't know what to do anymore with her and would be willing to leave her. And I don't think she'd be that serious on committing suicide, at that moment she was just emotionally distressed for foolishly sending money again to some stranger.
I just fear that we might be put out in the streets again if we're gonna fall behind on the bills again.
I'm just about done with her.
She acts like a frickin teenager rather than an adult. I don't know what's wrong with her head.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
parents just gifted my sibling a mansion house sure they bought me a house too but a tiny one. seriously its small compared to his house. now that he is married they buy him a mansion house as a gift? thats just a huge slap in my face. no? how should I be processing this? there is just two siblings, are they saying he is their favourite? wtf should I do?
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self.offmychest
|
All time low So last night after work i went home after spending some time with friends. On the was home I just keep thanking about how I have been making my life harder for myself, not that I'm the only one. When I got home I remembered that I'm by my self this weekend as everyone is out this weekend. Not wanting to show up to work any more or really anywhere last night I sat in the tub pulled the shower current closed and just cried, herder then I had in a really long time. One of my friends gf is going to therapy for some stuff and I messaged him asking where she went, at this point I knew he was driving home. At this point I'm sitting there crying with my handgun in my lap making a decision, if he responds I get help if he doesn't I shoot my self. Through out me texting him back and forth I keep wanting to do it and a story about this one girl who shot her self in the head and lived keep coming in my head, what if I flinch and just make my self handicapped, I keep looking at my gun to see if there was a round chambered(you can see on the rite side the rim of the casein) with it was but what if it didn't go off I keep thanking. I keep putting it to my head wand wanting to pull the trigger but I just couldn't. He wound up getting back to me and we messaged back and froth for a bit. He called me later that night but I ducked his call as I just didn't want to talk. He didn't know how much influence he had over my decision. I'm not the kind of person that likes help I don't like people knowing about my struggles especially my family even though I know they are supporting. Where I go from here I'm not sure, I don't expect anyone to read this. For some reason I just wanted to write it all down.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to kill myself once i reach 30 Im too tired of life i don’t have any issue except being a virgin, having a bad education and being fat.
I even hate my parents for giving me birth to this world since the only reason why i was brought here is so i can earn money for them.
All i do is sleep work and playing cancer games so there is no bright future in sight.
And why 30 you ask? Because thats the time when your body starts moving downhill you lose hair, cancer is more likely to grow and to be honest being old is not a pleasure.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Can you really be anxious about nothing? Hi
Long story short, I gave always been anxious, but from around a year ago I started at a psychiatrist and she describe be Zoloft. It worked great, but I decided to stop as I never felt my anxiety that bad, but more of an annoyance. So have been off it for around 2 months now (was on 100mg) and felt great.. Until today.
Again, like before I started the meds, I get anxious about nothing. Literally nothing. I just get the anxious feeling in my chest and it can stay there for hours, but continue my normal life routine.
The thing is though that my psychiatrist don't really believe me. She means there is some kind of thought, while I'm totally sure there is none.
In have had generalized anxiety long enough to know when my anxiety is from a thought and not from a thought.
If it is from a thought I'm having a really hard time doing anything or continue my life. I just focus in that part to the "fear" is over.
The other kind of anxiety I mainly ignore it, but it's an annoyance. I get the anxious feeling in the chest but there is no reason whatsoever. I continue with my daily tasks and focus just fine, but the feeling stays there.
Can anyone explain me what this is or if they have similar problems?
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self.Anxiety
|
Chest (Sternum) Pressure This is a new one for me. Posting cause it's all I can think about at the moment. I'm not the healthiest guy, but I've had 2, yes 2 ekgs in the last 2-3 months and they all came back peachy.
We moved yesterday, plus I have a very big/busy week at work this week, so I'm pretty sure it's just stress. It doesn't hurt, it's just occasional waves of dull pressure/tightness at the sternum. Started 2 days ago (the night before the move) and I've only noticed it happening at night.
This symptom of stress/anxiety is new. I've had and am familiar with some of the others. Feeling faint, dizzy, derealization, tingling and numbness, sense of doom...this one is just scary to me because ive never felt it. Does this happen to any of you?
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self.Anxiety
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That sensation when in my mind some people are very good friends of mine but deep down I know that they don't feel the same way at all.. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Waiting for the girl I like to break up with her boyfriend I'll preface this by saying I'm a 25 year old who's never been on a date nor expected to ever be romantically involved with anyone. She's 21.
So I've fallen hard for my manager. She's in a shitty relationship with her boyfriend, who she lives with at her parents place. So in order to break up with him she has to kick him out and I'm not sure where he has to go. Obviously that's a tough situation for her to be in.
She doesn't know I like her, and I've only asked one person's advice on the matter and that's an 18 year old female coworker. She said to wait until they break up to ask her out (somehow that wasn't obvious to me right away). She was really excited about the whole thing, as opposed to having the "oh no" look on her face that I half expected.
So now I wait for who knows how fucking long, just to see if I get rejected or not. If they ever do break up. Trying to fall asleep but can't stop thinking about her. Feeling ood and bad all at once.
Btw I don't talk this awkwardly irl, but whenever I write anything its awkward sounding and full of run-on sentances.
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self.offmychest
|
I don’t want to be happy I’ve been waiting to be happy for too long and I’m tired of it. Whatever happiness I experience is short lived, short sighted and euphoric and always ends up in a comedown or equal magnitude. I’ve been fighting for happiness fruitlessly and i guess I’ve come to realise even if I am happy, my past will always haunt me and dictate my life. It’s like I lack the capability to be a normal, functioning person with normal emotions. I can’t even imagine living a life free of an emotional burden and because of that I don’t even want it.
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self.depression
|
Complete paralysis and Panic about Life and Self Esteem [23F] [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like a piece of shit with no emotions.
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self.depression
|
"Stop asking for attention." The message I seem to have gotten is to shut up and not express myself. Of course I don't want to kill myself and am looking for the attention of someone who cares. I thought I had my life in order and was moving forward with the one person I loved and my only friend. Instead I haven't even heard from her on Christmas after she cheated and I forgave her, yet it feels like I've done something wrong.
Anyway the point is my mom got a gun for Christmas and for a little while today I was alone in her house with a very convenient tool that I wondered about using. And the feeling of that being so close freaked me out. I felt like I should express those feelings but posting to Facebook would freak my friends out and again, the ex was my only friend due to social anxiety and she has made clear she "can't be there for me". So I posted to Whisper looking for some sympathy and just to be able to express those dark thoughts. The only reply before I deleted it was to shut up because suicidal people don't post to social media they just do it and to stop looking for attention.
So now I'm left with I can't express myself to my only friend, I can't express myself anonymously, I'm just not allowed to speak these thoughts and just have to bury them until I die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Unsure what to do with my life. Very few options, and everyone of them seems like a roadblock. [removed]
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self.depression
|
I can't fathom that there's people out there pointlessly suffering from depression. This is my first post here, be gentle.
[](/sp)
I was depressed for most of my life, basically since my dad died when I was 14, well atleast that's what the Doc said to be the reason. I knew in the back of my mind I needed help for some time now, I always thought I'm different then other people. Well whatever, I moved out of my parents home this year and that really woke me up. I had a panic attack due to being alone and stress from job aaaaand... I went and got help. Actual, professional help. I was anxious to get help, I was anxious admitting that in fact I didn't want to be depressed. The Doc and I talked a lot for some weeks, I meditated a lot, I worked out a lot, I took some meds. We talked about all sorts of things and most importantly I was open about admitting it and taking his advise. I wanted not to be depressed afterall. Today, I can say I'm not depressed anymore and now that I'm out of my depression I only start to realize how bad depression is.
[](/sp)
While being depressed I tried to talk to my family and friends about my depression and of course most answers were "You just need to be happy"... and "Don't think about that"... but honestly it's 100% this. You just have to be happy. It makes me sad now, because I know back then had anyone said that to me it wouldn't have worked. I couldn't just start being happy. I couldn't have done it without help, never. I'm not saying you can do it without help, you need help, but once your out of it its so clear. It's bizarr. Once you're out you can understand why they're saying this. They're not mean they just don't understand you and your depression.
[](/sp)
So... I'm out; and still it makes me sad thinking about how many others are suffering day to day. It makes me sad that some people want to talk about their depression but are misunderstood. It makes me sick knowing that there's this one poor guy out there who didn't got help and took the exit. Not because this guy didn't needed help or didn't wanted help, this guy just didn't got the help he needed and suddenly, one day, he was gone.
[](/sp)
I thought about taking the exit, too. I could have been that guy.
Fuck that.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone ever have anxiety related to religion? A lot of times I get anxious over religion. Faith is something that's always just made me really uncomfortable. Every time I think or read about spirituality, I go into this spiral where I always worry over "which religion is right?" or "what is actually the truth?" I always have anxiety over not knowing things, and any kind of spiritual seeking always leads to me getting freaked out.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Nothing interesting left I've lived my life without experiencing much, I feel as if I have some mental problem that I can't explain. I've never been on medication as my family could never afford for me to see anyone or deal with anything. But I have become so desensitized and disassociated from the world that I feel as if I am just someone onlooking my own life, just to see it fail. I've never prepared for my future and the only real enjoyment that gives me euphoria is playing counter-strike, I am able to be empathetic but I am also unable to fully comprehend my feelings. I smoke so much weed it's going to kill me (I have a heart condition) but it doesn't stop me because my entire life I never admitted to having a heart problem. I don't like living, as each passing day I feel like my future it bleaker and bleaker, and I don't want to drag my current SO down with me. It's not normal to think of killing yourself everyday, but yet everyone thinks I'm fine and am joking. I'm sorry if any of this comes off as edgy it's not suppose to but it always has.
I see everyone on medication and always think what if I got on it, but then I realize I'm so far down the rabbit hole it doesn't matter.
I have days when I feel okay and days when all I can think about is throwing myself into the darkness (i.e. Crashing my car or slicing my wrists open when around sharp objects) and although I've never answered those calls they still exist. Whenever I would self harm is the only time people took interest in my problems, as if I had to show physical symptoms of my mental state of mind. And with the new era of "everyone has depression" I've been left out because I don't take medications or see a weekly therapist, I'm sorry I'm not rich so I can't relate to how everyone acts when they're off their pills, I've never been on them.
I'm sorry I've wasted your time with this post but everything feels so bleak and I'm lying anytime someone asks me how I am or what my interests are, I don't reveal anything to anyone and the only one I share my interests with are myself because they aren't just waved away.
ive done too much wrong and I feel like no right will ever fix that. My own SO even made a joke that Xanax wouldn't work on me because it's for people with "anxiety", I've just given up, I've been living a lie for the last half decade and it gets less doable everyday.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How can people feel OK being sober? Im sitting here sober as a stone and I hate it. I keep thinking of shit that hasnt gone my way and stuff I dont want to do, but have to. Its horrible. Its nine at night and I dont have to do shit right now, so why is it wrong if I get drunk/high every night? I dont understand it. Who is it hurting? Why is it wrong?
This is just boring as fuck, its just an endless train of thoughts that I can never shut off. I just wanna laugh my ass off at the amazing world of gumball instead of sitting here stone faced and just on the negative side of neutral. let alone when my depression is worse. Id rather not be able to get off the floor because im too drunk rather than too depressed.
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self.depression
|
I'm so tired Basically I'm tired of being tired. Everytime I get this fkin sht mood I think to myself "Why is this happening now, why again, I'm so tired of feeling like this". It's just so random. I'm there doing stuff not thinking about anything and then for a second something kicks in I start feeling so sad about everything. I only see the worst in myself and the world and basically everything really whenever that happens.
I don't see the point in anything, I'm not good at anything, I can't do sht, I can barely get out of bed to go to school. I should be there 5 days a week and I always end up going 2-3 because I just can't get out of bed. I hate my course and I hate that place as well. I fucked up way too much stuff to fix anything in my life at this point. I don't enjoy things as I did before and honestly I don't think I ever actually enjoyed them even back then but at least I was able to do stuff now I can't even leave my bed most of the time. They were more of a distraction anyway but I can't anymore. It's too tiring, everything. I'm mentally exhausted. I can't find motivation to do anything. It's like I'm carrying something so heavy whenever I think of doing something it just won't let me. I find it difficult to even eat I don't have appetite for food at all at this point whatsoever. I just lay in bed all day trying to think of something to do but I never can get started with anything. I get too many thoughts about too many things it's overwhelming. I used to just play games and stuff to have fun. Well I can't do that for more than 30 minutes or so anymore. It's not fun I don't enjoy it, I get randomly sad whenever I do it, makes me just wanna go back to bed.
Another reason why I hate going to school or just going out in general (not like I ever do that). I got really pretty bad anxiety. I'm too self conscious about everything really. And it's not just myself. It's with people around me as well. I can't talk to anyone, I can hardly breathe sometimes when I'm around people. I can't stand people looking at me or drawing any attention to myself. It feels horrible I overthink every little thing possible it makes me feel like I wanna just disappear sometimes. Even if people aren't actually looking at me and I know they actually fuckin aren't for some reason my brain decides to act like I'm always being watched by everyone around me. There's so much pressure and all for nothing really but I can't do anything about it. I can't be around people or in crowds or in public transport or anything really but at the same time I hate being alone or feeling lonely I don't know what the fuck is going on in my head honestly. I don't have any friends irl whatsoever. I can go to school for weeks without saying anything to anyone and that actually happens. Whenever I talk to anyone it's only because I'm forced to and even then I try to avoid it as much as possible. And if it happens ever I just short answer everything but there's so much stuff going through my head it hurts.
Well this is just venting but yea in conclusion I'm just so tired of always feeling like sht and just not seeing the meaning in anything anymore. I don't even know what's going on or why am I here. I'll just go back to sleep now. Thanks to whoever actually read till here. Appreciate it.
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self.depression
|
Has anyone successfully lost And maintained a steady desirable weight whilst on Olanzapine (or other similar meds) Hi all :)
I'm looking into restarting the gym and I just wondered if anyone had any experience with losing weight on Olanzapine or other similar weight-unfriendly meds. I spoke to one user on here about their experience but I wondered if there were any more?
Has anyone tried putting their body through ketosis to rapidly lose weight or taken leptin supplements to trick their body into feeling full?
I guess I could ask for a more weight neutral med but I've already had them changed 3 times in the last few months so I'd rather not do that but if i had to which meds were the most weight neutral for you?
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self.bipolar
|
My good friend is dying of pancreatic cancer at the age of 30 and I can’t even wrap my mind around it. She is also 23 weeks pregnant and every time they give her chemo, she goes into anaphylactic shock. They can basically try to buy another two weeks or so for the baby to develop more and give her a C-section to try to give the baby a chance to live. But there is no hope for her. She also has tumors on her kidneys and liver.
Six weeks ago she was at my house and we were watching our dogs play. She thought she just had really bad morning sickness. We used to work together and she did my hair. I went to see her in the hospital the other day and she’s a shell of her former self. She’s so weak and thin, she keeps drifting in and out of consciousness and she can’t carry on a conversation.
She is beautiful. She is tall and has freckles and a wide smile. She has an amazing singing voice. She taught herself how to play guitar. My hair never looked better than when she did it. She was insecure about turning 30 but she could honestly pass for 21.
I want to scream and cry and punch something. I have a 4-month-old and I was so excited for us to dress our boys up in dorky matching outfits. But soon she’ll be gone and now her son may not live either. It’s not fair. The specific cancer she has is almost unheard of in anyone under the age of 50. No one deserves this but especially not her.
There’s nothing I can do to help her. Nothing I can even really say to her that she’ll understand. There’s so much I still wanted to do and say and now I’ll never have the chance. I’d give my life savings and my own damn pancreas if it meant she or her son would live. But she won’t and he may not either. She’ll be gone in a few weeks. They’ve already cleaned out her locker at work.
I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s gone. I can’t imagine a world without her, but I’m going to have to accept it soon. I’m still firmly stuck in the denial phase.
I hope so much that her baby lives. I want to watch him grow up and see his beautiful mom in him. I want to tell him all about how amazing she was and how she loved him before she ever met him. I want to love him like I love her.
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self.offmychest
|
What Color is Madness? I get nervous when I start focusing on colors too much, like now. When I'm manic I ascribed all these deep meanings to every color. Do other people get this kind of color coded thought process in mania?
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self.bipolar
|
I’m stuck on a plane cause it’s having mechanical problems Someone tell me this happens sometimes so I don’t start hyperventilating. I don’t fly very often.
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self.Anxiety
|
Am i BiPolar? Ok so I have been struggling with these severe mood swings for almost 4 years. I thought it was just severe suicidal depression but recently within the past year i have been experiencing these nights or grouping of nights where I would stay up and do a ton of random projects and crazy work ideas. Nothing ever got done but after not sleeping and all, I would crash. I would hit a depressing suicidal low and not know when it's going to end. Currently this is the longest depressive episode at almost 3 weeks. It's to the point where my grades went from A's to F's and my parents think it's anxiety. I go to a therapist but she doesn't know the full story. I also am being evaluated but that takes months. Ii am taking AP Psych in school and we are learning about mental illnesses and i realized i may be bipolar. 'm trying to keep family out of it while also getting help. Can someone help me? Do you think I have bipolar disorder?
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self.bipolar
|
I want to break up with my long-term (3 years) girlfriend. We are each other's firsts. I am terrified of telling her, but I'm just not in love with her at all anymore. Title says it all. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, least of all my parents, which is weird for me since they're usually my first port of call when it comes to things like this. I'm just shit scared that everyone will hate me for breaking up with such a wonderful person (which she is, just not one which I'm in love with). But if I don't end it soon, its just going to be much worse further down the line, either for me if I keep it to myself or for her if I break it off once we're even more committed. I've been out of love for a while now, and I just can't face the idea of staying. But at the same time, I'm shit scared to be out there again. I'm 22 now, so still pretty young and as the title shows, perhaps inexperienced. We met in uni. We said a bunch of stuff back then, about getting married and all that stuff. I just don't feel it at all anymore, and wish I could just end it without it absolutely crushing her, which I know it will.
She can tell that I'm upset about something. It's getting difficult for me to hide it. After Christmas, we're supposed to start looking into places to move in together, so I want to end it before then. I guess there's never a good time to end it, but I don't want to just surprise her with it. I don't think that she expects this. I don't even know anymore.
Any good advice about how to do this sort of thing without being a complete dick would be greatly appreciated.
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self.offmychest
|
Today while I was driving my mom pressured me to crash the car I'm 17. Yesterday, I was too depressed to go to school. Today, I was bullied right after school by someone I thought was my friend.
I drove my mom to an appointment immediately after that went down, still wanting to die, and tried to communicate that. I tell her I wanna die and she argues with me.
It escalates. We pass a long row of trees and I tell her I want to crash the car into them, and suddenly she exclaims, "Do it! I don't care! Do it!" over and over.
The lane is clear between me and the trees, i have my foot on the gas, my mother was persuading me to end us both and all i felt was apathy. I made myself look straight forward and just focused on my hands on the steering wheel.
She pushed me extremely fucking close to losing it. It's been a few hours since and I'm still crying and shivering. I feel so fucking worthless and empty. I've been popping xanax just to go to school and get a night's sleep and right now I'm tempted to take some flexeril to sleep forever. I need to get out of this family badly.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My life Hi everyone. I don't know why I am writing this but I will write it anyway. First of all please excuse me if I have any mistakes because English isn't my first language. Now I am going to write something about myself. I think of myself as a caring person and I trust people way to much. I would do everything I can for a stranger and I would even kill for a friend or family even if they don't deserve it. I am the kind of person who is very emotionally attached to his friends and family. What I mean is that whenever I find a new friend he becomes a part of my soul and having a girlfriend for a while made me a new man. When she broke up with me I expected to become a mental wreck but my brain is so use to try and take the pain from the others and make it his own that only my body suffered for two days. I was getting bad before her she stopped that process for a while but when she left me I feel this process again. I am slowly becoming more and more antisocial and I don't know for how long my heart can keep up with all the pain. My mind has no problems with that but I felt physical pain in my heart after our break up. In my life only two things keep me ticking. The first is kind of impossible. I hope to live long enough for people to find a way to become immortal and after that live only long enough to witness probably one of the most beautiful things in our universe, the crash between our galaxy and the Andromeda galaxy. Only thinking about it brings me tears of joy for e moment and then tears of sadness because that probably won't happen. The second thing is that at some point of my life a friend of mine will be in need of help and if I'm not there to help them with everything I can I won't forgive myself even if for whatever reason I am not among the living. Back to my girlfriend I never knew how I chose her or why she chose me but we had a great time at least from my point of view. I pushed her just a little form time to time and respected all of her decisions even the decision to break up with me and now every time I see her I want to hug her or kiss her but I know that I can't and I just bury all of my feelings and go on with my day like nothing happened. I haven't done anything to deserve such a beautiful and smart girl and I lost her and me becoming more antisocial isn't going to help me in the future.
I think that I fear that I will be always alone because of the way I act and that my random days of feeling like I just lost a family member will drive my friend away. I am not seeking answers, I just had to write this somewhere were no one who knows me will read it. In the end I will probably share with my friends but only when i think that i have to.
P.S. This article is a mess like my head.
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self.offmychest
|
I've just started dating this great guy who told me has depression and Anxiety issues. How can I be supportive? So last week I met this guy on Grindr (gay "dating" app) and we got to chatting. I invited him over for dinner just to hang out. I wasn't looking for sex, just company. He asked if we were going to have dinner; he wanted to make sure it wasn't a hookup. I told him I didn't want the latter. Anyway, long story short, he came over, we had a blast, we had dinner, watched a movie, cuddled, and he fell asleep on me. Four nights later the same thing happened :-)
On our second date he told me he had anxiety issues and I just tried to listen to him. He's Spanish so English is his second language, which probably doesn't help his anxiety when talking to an American. Last night he came over and he told me had anxiety and depression issues and he's seeing a doctor. He also told me that he'd done things in his life he wasn't proud of. I told him I wasn't going to judge him and I wanted to be supportive. I gave him an early Valentine's Day present and he started sobbing in joy. He said no one had done that for him before. He also told me that he feels at peace at my house and he fell asleep on me last the because he felt so comfortable with me.
I'm totally into him and I want to spend more time with him, but I get the feeling he's still feeling me out a little. I'm pretty sure he's into me too but he can't quite trust me yet, which is totally understandable. I texted him today and we chatted and told him, "I wanted to thank you for trusting me with what you told me last night about your depression.I want to be as supportive as I can. You're brave for working so hard to manage it!" and he said he really appreciated it. He's such a sweet guy and I really like him, and I can tell he likes me too, but I don't know exactly how to proceed.
Last summer I dated a guy in a similar situation and he would freak out if I pushed too hard to make plans. I felt frustrated and bad that I'd made him upset. I don't want to do the same thing with this guy. I patiently wait for him to text me back so I don't bombard him with tons of texts. He's taken a few days at a time to get back to me because he said he still has depressive episodes from time to time.
So how can I continue to support this guy? How can I continue talking to him and build something without upsetting him? I think we like each other and I want to be sensitive and patient, but I don't want to make him anxious or upset. We made plans to hang out for an entire day. He wants to cook for me, and watch movies together but we don't have solid plans yet. How do I ask him about setting up solid plans without making him feel like I'm cornering or pushing him?
Thanks for your help!!!
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self.Anxiety
|
People shamed me to death. My father got laid off and we had to live with a relative. I lost my important stuff such as college degree. I don’t have a room or bed. I had to argue with 50 people everyday for my job situation. I have no friends, no male role model, I had no guidance in my life since when I was born. I LOST EVERYTHING, job opportunities being swept away from my hands. I’m dead from the inside, I just want to die.
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self.Anxiety
|
Has anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds helped you cope with health anxiety? x-posting from /r/healthanxiety as this sub is much more populated
I've been dealing with health-related anxiety in some form for going on 11 or so years. Over the past year or two, it's gotten a lot worse (many more sleepless nights worrying about my health, thinking i'm going to die, etc...). I've seen a therapist to talk about my general anxiety, as well as my health anxiety, but talking it out and trying CBT didn't really do anything for me. One of the major routes that I've yet to attempt (although, my GP has suggested it as an option) is medication.
Are any of you on meds specifically due to your health anxiety? What are you on? Have they helped you with your health anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
|
Just hate myself more and more Lately I have been going through a lot of ups and downs. Life has honestly turned into a rollercoaster. I sometimes feel like no one understands me. I feel like no matter what i try to do I end up messing it up and end up a thousand times more nervous. I have developed various ticks due to constant nervousness. I used to smoke a large amount of weed to help escape but have stopped and in some way I'm glad cause I felt that it was really slowing me down and has caused some damage in the long run. I have felt lately that I'm getting back to how I used to be but am still lacking. I don't know why exactly I'm posting here other than I feel like I feel like I'm getting depressed and have reached a near state of constant anxiety to the point where I might as well be standing on nails nonstop.
A bit of a more in depth look at me, I grew up in a foreign country and since i moved back home I have been viewed as a rich snob. I know that I have had a more entitled life than others but know that it was never easy. It got worse when I started self sabotaging, I went from drinking everyday to feel slightly happy and more relaxed. I then stopped the drinking and switched to weed. Having stopped smoking I feel like I'm constantly anxious. I know that not smoking after everything has caused some of the anxiety. My parents have tried everything to help but don't seem to understand the root of the problem. My wife seems to be unable to advise me or I feel like she has no compassion for my situation cause she had a much harder life. I sometimes get her when she says man up that my situation is not as bad but it feels that after a bit it feels like everything around me is crumbling.
I apologize for the long windedness and hope to just hear a friendly voice or to hear some encouragement cause lately all I hear (especially from myself) is how I can't seem to do right.
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self.offmychest
|
In memorium Where do I begin? I don’t even know. Was it 9 months ago when you started getting anxiety from work? Was it even earlier and you just didn’t let us know? Or maybe we just didn’t listen. Maybe you tried to tell us a long time ago. Yet you seemed like you were getting better. You were always such a resilient individual. You had plans.
It had been a while since we talked. I’ve since found that it was because once you’re admitted you don’t have your phone. I tried to wish you a happy birthday. I sent a text and a facebook message. But by then you might have already been room temperature. You were supposed to be watched constantly and yet you fell through the cracks one last time. Because of complacency? It’s their fucking JOB to watch you and they couldn’t even do that when it fucking mattered. It was my job, too.
And I can’t even grieve properly. Sure, if it was cancer I could wear whatever colored shirt they have for that. I could curse a drunk driver and alcohol. I could donate to some academic to cure whatever bacteria or virus was to blame. I could deal with dumb fucking luck. I could sue the company that made a faulty ladder. I could hate something, and it would help.
But it was you, and I can’t hate you. So what do I even fucking have? Do I get to hate blankets? Clothes? Shoelaces? Whatever goddamn contraption you managed to hang yourself with? I can’t even blame the orderlies. You’re so smart and the most self-disciplined person I once knew. If you really set your mind to it I bet you could have done it with willpower alone.
And it makes me sick that you probably didn’t want to. You begged to be taken back there, to get help. And you might have killed yourself on a fucking 51-49 vote. I don’t even know how long it takes to lose consciousness from asphyxiation. I’m afraid to find out. Did you regret it instantly after the point of no return? Did you try to free yourself? You probably could have held yourself up for a while given how in shape you were. You used to love the gym.
I can’t even remember the good times right now. I can just see your face and that’s it. Goodbye old friend.
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self.depression
|
I feel so lonely. Not sure what to do. I'm not sure if this is where to put this but here goes. I'm just really stressed out and I'm crying randomly all the time.
I work in a town an hour away from where I live and I drive back and forth everyday. I work with people all day but never really feel 100% comfortable and happy. I live with my long-term boyfriend in his mother's basement because we're saving up to buy a house, unfortunately she is a drinker, not all day everyday but every day after work and drink till she passes out on the weekends. My boyfriend is going to university for his Ph D and is always working and stressed out. I just feel so alone all the time. I drive 2 hours a day alone, I feel alone at work and when I come home my boyfriend is so busy that I might as well be alone. I have no friends to spend time with so I spend my weekends at home. I have no time after work to join any clubs or social events. I'm also broke because every last nickel is going towards the down payment for our house. I just feel like something is off in my life and the only person I feel comfortable talking to about this is my boyfriend. He understands and tries to help but there is only so much he can do because he just has so much on his plate right now.
I just don't know what to do to. I feel like I'm lost in life. Also I'm really upset because I'm having some health issues that no one can figure out which is super frustrating.
I'm just hoping someone out there can take the time to read this and lend me some friendly advice. I would really appreciate it. I just don't want to feel so lonely anymore.
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self.depression
|
denied my emotions and now i hardly have any [deleted]
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self.depression
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what should I do when I literally count the minutes until it’s too late for me to do something? usually related to schoolwork. even if I have a whole day, I constantly count down the hours and sometimes do nothing to force myself to forget for a while, or worst case, just completely throw something out of my head and give up.
what do you guys do to avoid this? I can’t seem to get rid of the habit by myself.
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self.Anxiety
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Guys don't pay attention to me when I'm out [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Sick of being broke and behind on bills My husband and I haven't had it easy for the last 8 years. He had a terrible car crash and was out of work for 2 years. Hubby finally was able to go back to work and then the place I worked out came in and downsized and I was let go. This has been they way it works for us over the next 6 years. And I am at the end of my rope. We will probably lose our house since we are 2 months behind along with our car. I am just so over it, we have never had a vacation and we don't go to restaurants to eat out, we are always at home. My husband hurts every second of the day from the accident and there is nothing I can do for him. I feel like we are drowning and there is no way up.
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self.offmychest
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The only reason stopping me The main reasons why I haven't tried attempting suicide again is the fear of being sent back to an inpatient hospital. I was at the hospital for 3 days, a crisis stabilization center for 4, and a behavioral center for 3. It felt like shit being there, I just felt completely alone. Especially at the second facility...the staff was horrid and you would literally just sit in a room all day and wait until your 5150 was done or if they sent you to a different facility. Has anyone else had any bad experiences while being sent inpatient?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am constantly afraid of my parents dying. I am a 19yo man in the first year of college. My parents are pretty old compared to my friends', my dad is almost 60 and my mom 55. I am constantly afraid of them dying because I know this is a real possibility, with their lifestyles (my mom is a lifelong smoker and my dad is a sporty guy = risk of injury or heart issues).
For some reason I'm more afraid about my dad. Maybe it's because I've always been closer to him or maybe because he always seemed to be the "weaker" one. I mean, my mom has always been more in power in the house.
I am afraid that if there was something wrong (e.g. cancer) they would choose to hide it from me until the end to not worry me or distract me from college etc. This is probably rooted in my grandma's death when I was 12 and they hid her cancer from me until she was moved from the hospital to our house (she still had like a month to live from when I was told about it, so I had plenty of time to say my goodbyes). Before that they told me that she was at the hospital for some spinal stuff.
I know this is absurd, but tomorrow my dad is getting some kidney stones removed and I'm worried that something will go wrong. Ever since I found out about it (when I came home for winter break a week ago) I've been worried that he has like cancer or something but they're hiding it from me. He even showed me his X-ray and other test results (unprompted) which seemed a little suspicious to me, but I read them and they are all just about kidney stones. The removal (it's not really a surgery) is in another city 2 hours away and my dad has asked me to go with him so I could drive back home in case he felt bad afterwards. I just can't sleep because of this irrational fear.
EDIT: My uncle's death a couple months ago could also be a factor. He was just a few years older than my dad (no family tie) and he had a brain aneurysm, no one could have prevented or foreseen that.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else count down the hours until they can go to bed? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone here take quetiapine? For severe depression. Hi guys I was just wondering if anyone here takes quetiapine. I’ve recently just started getting evaluated by psychology and the psychiatric team have started me on quetiapine. They have said that they won’t be giving me my full diagnosis YET. I have no idea what that means. But I think I’m asking is it normal to be started on anti psychotics for depression?
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self.depression
|
Am I just destined to fail? What reason is there to live anymore? Honestly I'm so tired of living life through failing at everything, I'm not good at anything and I fail to understand why and how people think and learn about everything in such a pragmatic and methodical way. Most people seem to fall within the norm and have socialized support when growing up, I've had none of this (Nor have I been parented properly, I've just been expected to "Fall into place") as I have social anxiety and very rarely have had any discussions with people other than online and even they are limited. People seem to hold guidance and know what actions to take to achieve their goals (As if they have some sort of internal compass) I am completely lost as to this? What am I doing WRONG in life? It's also possible that I have a rare genetic disease (Which is being looked into) that causes atypical mental functioning, Is there any hope or should I just fucking end it? I'm so done now. Am I just too stupid to survive in this world? There is so much I am ignorant on regarding "real world" practicalities and even other aspects such as politics and history? Even just took some random test "Am I dumb" and scored fucking 8/25 even though I'm sure I answered more correctly, I just don't know what to do anymore.
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self.depression
|
Worst Christmas ever, involuntarily suicidal My mind wants me dead.
Merry Christmas!
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self.depression
|
What is your first psychiatric appointment supposed to go like? I had my first ever appointment with a psychiatrist today. I was so nervous and anxious but also extremely excited to get help. I was excited to tell someone my problems and get feedback. However, that didn’t happen at all.
Right off the bat he seemed so fake towards me. Like he was reading from a script. Nothing about the interaction felt genuine to me. I started telling him about all of my symptoms and issues and he asked a few questions. And after that I didn’t receive any feedback. No diagnosis, no reassurance. Nothing. He was more concerned about the logistics of when I would have my next appointment and upping my dosage of Zoloft. He told me I shouldn’t have guns in my house which made me feel so anxious considering I already have an extreme fear of going crazy which causes me a lot of anxiety.
And so he just sent me off with a prescription and no advice or feedback. I cried as soon as I left his office. I felt so defeated because I’ve always dreaded getting help and now that I was finally ready it was a terrible experience.
Is this how these appointments go? They just listen I guess and send you off with medication? I could understand why it might take a few more visits to develop a diagnosis but I figured maybe he would give me some kind of answer.
Any advice and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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self.Anxiety
|
What do we live for? I'm 20. Sitting here at college with nothing to look to. I'm not made for love, I don't have sympathy. I'm not made for fame, I don't have ANY talent. Every major is a joke to my gripeful and always changing conscious.
So what am I good for to this world? To keep living? Just so other people don't cry because I'm gone? How selfish of them. I'm sitting here crying right now talking to twitter like it's my best friend. Where are they while I broadcast myself to the world?
I'm just a fucking martyr and nothing more.
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self.bipolar
|
I can't stay up past 5pm. No how long I sleep Depression and Anxiety is too much to handle so I always fall asleep by 5pm. It's hard being awake all day when you're always tired.
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self.depression
|
I'm graduating in 39 days and I'm fucking scared. I am graduating from college this December and I know graduation is supposed to be an exciting time, and everyone I know tells me "Oh you have such a bright future!" But reality is setting in and honestly I feel like my future is fucking bleak.
Outwardly, I'm so happy to graduate I look like I could do cartwheels down the street. Inwardly, I feel totally hopeless. I don't have a lot to show for myself, I don't have a ton of enviable marketable skills, and my resume isn't terribly impressive (things like internships and study abroad weren't required for me) It's not like I spent the last 4.5 years partying every night and blowing off class, however. I'm certainly not a 4.0 whiz, but my current overall GPA is 3.2. Suffice it to say I'm doing well academically, all things considered.
One of my biggest strengths is writing. Everyone I know says I'm an excellent writer, but that's really all I have going for me, and most of the writing I do is just a thousand different ways of saying "this movie sucks," and even that's not for a class. I write movie reviews all just for fun. Right now, I have a part-time job at (appropriately) a movie theater that I go to on weekends.
I would say that my peers have all kinds of internships, but based on my conversations with them, they don't do much at their internships. Part of me feels like I dodged a bullet, but another part of me feels like I'm inferior because I didn't do an internship.
My career goals have changed more times than I can count. Between the two colleges I went to (I transferred schools in 2015) most of my course work has been in public relations and journalism in about equal measure, but I honestly can't see myself doing those things. I definitely can't see myself doing those things and being happy. I figure I should just try working my way up the ladder at the theater, but that's a long shot. I don't consider myself "manager material."
I've never had the best self-confidence, but it's lower now more than ever. I can't even talk to my family or friends about the future without choking up. Two weeks ago, I tried talking to my friend and I couldn't get two words out without beginning to cry. It's pathetic!
I guess this lingering sense of dread I have is not only related to my shitty career prospects and lack of discernible talent, but because I love my school, I love my brothers, I love the college town and leaving it behind breaks my heart. I'm not ready to leave it behind.
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self.offmychest
|
Brother came out as depressed a while ago, and I will seem like an attention seeker if I come out as depressed too. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Beating the living crap out of myself right now, should I just go die? I just wanna die right now. I'm beating the living crap out of myself. I'm good for nothing worthless piece of shit. I hate my life, I hate how its about to get worse. Why hang around and live non stop miserably? Why shouldn't I just end my life right now?
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self.bipolar
|
I want to be put down. Im so tired of upsetting people and making them feel bad. I will never be a functioning member of society. I know I wont, I have no talents or skills or patience or any people skills. Just please put me down.
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self.depression
|
My only two modes are anxiety and depression on the rare occasion I’m not anxious i just get severely depressed Start thinking about how empty my life is and always has been and how much anxiety has robbed from me. I won’t lie, for me depression is actually relief compared to the constant fear and anxiety but still it sucks. When I can actually think clearly it’s just these sad thoughts on how everything got away and like I said how fkn empty my life is and all the regrets for things i didn’t do or even think of doing set in. Anyone else get like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I cant breathe I feel so overwhelmed and I don't know how to deal with the stress
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tell me something Tuesday (not going to be a regular thing... probably) Tell me something I don't know about you! I think it might be nice to get to know each other a bit so we can see the whole person, not just the disorder.
I'll start! English is my first language, but I learned to read and write in Hebrew first.
btw - unless there's a ton of interest I'm not going to make this a regular thing, I just like alliteration.
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self.bipolar
|
I think I'm ruining another relationship I've been with this girl for nearly a year now and things have been going pretty well but I just can't stop thinking about my ex girlfriend. She and I broke up more than a year ago and I just can't keep her out of my head. When we broke up a bit reason was that I was emotionally closed off and towards the end I was quite depressed (although I never really talked to her about that).
I don't know what to do, the girl I am with now is really great and really wants to be with me but I can't help feeling like I would be happier if I could get back together with my ex. I don't want to hurt her feelings or make a rash decision, but I also don't want to lead her on if I'm not as committed as she is.
Anyway thanks to anyone for reading that.
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self.depression
|
Here I go again I’ve got to say, this is the eighth time this week. I’m gonna purge again and I’d rather that no one close know. I just...need to get this off my chest. Ha!
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self.offmychest
|
Bipolar sahm screwing up Really struggling here. Idk what to do. I want to just run away. My husband yells at me every morning telling me to shut up and fuck off when I wake him up for work- he's our sole source of income. I can't work. My meds stopped working after I had my son. I have dystonia episodes about once a month that land me in the er. I'm cycling through mania and depression. I can barely get out of bed most days. 3 kids. 8, 2 and almost 5 months. I just basically make sure their fed. Sometimes I can clean. Most days it's a struggle to get off the couch. My dr has cancelled my last two appointments am Im further cycling down. Idk what to do. Help? On vrylar 3mg, used to take ziprasidone.
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self.bipolar
|
i havent eaten or kept down food in 8 days and my body wont quit [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Made a spotify playlist filled with calm songs and pleasant melodies. Helps me very much when I'm feeling stressed and anxious. It might help you too :) [Here is the link.](https://open.spotify.com/user/1148883947/playlist/5CcKh9d2GNVEikgv51IDdj) The genres vary and it might not be for everyone, but I'm sure someone will appreciate it. Going to try add new songs at least once a week.
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self.Anxiety
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I've been in anguish for a long time, now I've been dealt the final blow... HIV. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Surprised I'm still alive At the beginning of the year I was going through complete hell when dealing with clinical depression and anxiety. Living day by day was a struggle. There were days where I felt depersonalization, loneliness and pure sadness. I'm happy to say I'm functioning almost normal again but numbness and rumination still remains. If you're reading this don't give up your fight just yet. It'll become better in the long run
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self.depression
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rough last couple of days Whenever the new year comes around it causes me to think about all the things I did last year, or more importantly the things I didn't do. Like I'm sure it does for a lot of us.
Yesterday it got so bad that I started dry heaving while driving, because I was so stressed about everything. When I tried to go to sleep bad thoughts started racing through my mind, and I cried myself to sleep.
Even though this year has stressed me out so far, I made a deal with myself.
-I will not just settle for feeling shitty. (seems basic, but I usually just tell myself that feeling shitty is the norm)
This Tuesday I'm having my first appointment with a therapist, which will be helpful and hard, but until then Im going to try to go to the gym so that I can tire my brain out.
Do you guys have any tips for starting therapy?
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self.Anxiety
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Is it wrong to tell someone you're fine? The last person who I think has even a modicum of care left for me asked if I was okay today,all I could tell him is that I was fine. In reality though I've already gone through all the setup for my suicide and written my notes so that people wont feel responsible. Is it wrong to not want someone to worry?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don’t see the point in going on. I’m crying writing this so sorry if mistype or anything. I’m 17 and already know that I may as well give up, I’m ugly as fuck, my career goals aren’t going to actually matter and will just end up with me in a boring 9-5 and I have almost no friends. I used to go on because my family wouldn’t be able to handle it but now I’m pretty much fully aware that they don’t love me and I certainly already didn’t love them.
I had a really close friend who I drove away based on both mine and his depression and his alcoholism, he hasn’t gotten any better to my knowledge so I know he’s not coming back into my life. Whenever I lie down in bed I imagine someone coming in my room, leaning over me, putting a gun to the back of my head and just shooting, sadly that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t enjoy anything anymore and I’ve tried everything as well. I’m only ever happy around one specific person but I can’t be around her all the time since she has her own life.
I’m just waiting to get cancer or something because at least then I can have the comfort of knowing I’ll be dead soon without having to do it myself.
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self.depression
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It’s done. It’s over. Just stop. I have two final presentation for this semester on Tuesday and Wednesday. The one on Tuesday is with a really crappy partner who blew off all my attempts at collaborating that I ended up just working on my own. She comes in the Sunday before the presentation with a shit written report and tries changing things in my presentation, making it sound so... eugh. I was busy with classes and asked her to take on the brunt of the work with the written report and I’d handle the presentation. She was fine with this arrangement since she hates public speaking. It’s not like I contributed nothing. I started the report, found a bunch of sources, it just needed to be fleshed out a bit more. I’ve been working on this thing since October, adding bit by bit but had to focus on a different much bigger presentation in mid November. She seriously didn’t start working on this until this weekend.
And she’s just written such shit. The topic is something I’m really passionate about (mental illness in adolescents) and she writes bland worthless shit like “we need to organize more walks and fundraisers to raise awareness.” It’s just so shallow. This is just an elective for her and obviously isn’t her top priority, she’s putting in minimal effort. I was actually excited to do this report too.
Then on Wednesday is a presentation done with a group of +7 people which has made it hard to organize ourselves and the assignment was kinda sprung on us last moment. So just winging that and hoping for the best. I’m not as worried for that I guess. M
But it’s now midnight. I have done everything I possibly can at this moment. I’ve adjusted my presentation to fit the shitty report and tried my best completing what I could in a project where we didn’t take the time to assign who would do what. There is literally nothing I can do at this moment and I need to sleep.
My mind just keeps going in circles, obsessing over things I can’t change or fix until at least the morning.
Ugh my other group worked so much better. Everyone was committed and we worked hard to make sure there was a fair division of labor and good communication. And the presentation came out great! I was so proud of us.
But my mind just needs to fucking STOP. It just needs the shut the fuck up and let me sleep. Fuck!
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self.offmychest
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New to all this so hi Hi, so I had my pdoc appointment today and she was actually super nice and helpful (I’ve met some interesting pdocs for my ocd, my fav was the one who wanted to do energy flow therapy...).
As it was first appointment with her I’m going to see her again in a couple of weeks. She’s put me on two weeks of 25mg Lamotrigine with the idea of upping it in about two weeks if I’m ok on it and it helps.
She said it sounds like I have hypomanic episodes, and she said it sounded like bipolar II. Obviously I don’t think she’s given an official diagnosis but I expect that will probably come if she’s setting me up on Lamotrigine (+ bipolar is in the family w/ grandparents).
Guess I just wanted to say hi and also vent cause I’ve always felt there was something other than my ocd going on in my head and I’m terrified of the journey this is going to take me on.
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self.bipolar
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Feeling Nauseous from breathing in mold So some background on this: a few weeks ago I bought a bag of oranges, and my dumb ass put the bag in the cupboard above my clothes rack and left it there until today. So today I wanted to eat an orange, and found that they were all brown. I pulled down the bag, causing a bunch of foul-smelling dust to get all over the air, myself, and my clothes, along with my shower supplies (my place is pretty small). I opened the window for a bit until the smell went away but now I feel slightly nauseous whenever I'm in that area. I'm worried about it spreading in my clothes (one of the clothes the mold got on is something I usually wear to sleep, and on some days I sweat in it). Is this just a placebo or does fruit mold spores affect your mind?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm just sad and lost, and the severity of this has been increasing over the years theres so many things I want to do with my life but I dont think I'll ever be able to do them. I want to be a record producer but know literally nothing about it, and at twenty years old its probably too late to learn enough to be successful. I'm still trying though. I want to travel but I don't have a job, I don't even drive. I just feel this cloak of darkeness surrounding me and it comes and goes but lately I can't shake it. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate being like this, I feel weak and powerless. I've stopped caring about asinine things because I don't even want to be here. I don't even want to be here anymore. Its so exhausting just to live. I hate college, I hate my life, and I've been starting to hate myself. I don't know how to change it. i feel like I'm watching my life pass me by - thats how detached from reality I am. And I'm scared. scared that in another three years, I'll still be in the same place both physically and emotionally. The thought terrifies me. I'm 20, I can't imagine being 25, let alone 30. I can't continue like this, I don't know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
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Super scared A few days ago, I was bitten hard by my cat. The Dr put me on 2 antibiotics at the same time. This morning after I ate breakfast, I suddenly had huge waves of nausea and felt very much overall Ill.
All day has been the same thing- eat and feel 100X worse.
I'm super scares that the antibiotics messed my stomach up bad or have done something bad. I just woke up and still feel like throwing up even though I skipped this evening dose of both meds due to fear of this.
I'm going to a Dr in the morning but I'm the meantime I'm terrified.
Please help :'(
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self.Anxiety
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I’m ready to kill myself, just waiting for my mom to fall asleep [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm struggling everyday, and I want to get better and feel better but don't know how. I've been going through a lot recently, and I just feel like I'm not a good person. I'm a senior in high school at this point. Up until around the very end of May, I had never dated before and felt like I just wasn't a very attractive or appealing person. When I started dating around May, I was genuinely happy. I didn't and don't have many friends and was and am never invited out even by people who I consider friends. I say all this to provide context.
It all started around August when I found out that my mother was cheating on my father. At the time, I was dating for the very first time, and there was lots of tension in my house since my parents didn't approve of my girlfriend. As time passed, the tension died down a lot which helped; however, I still had a lot of difficulties with my girlfriend. She had borderline personality disorder, and she would often go to me for help when she would get upset. This meant that she would usually insult me, say that she didn't trust me, and generally just hurt me. I was willing to put up with it because I knew that she cared about me, but it would still hurt. I was happy for the first time dating her, and I felt like we matched perfectly. Of course, I was wrong as I later found out. I discovered that she had been cheating on me the entire time that we were dating. She had been lying about a lot of things, and I felt devastated. I felt like all those times that she would say those mean things about me were true. I hated myself and I hated her and I hated the world for its cruelty. I ended up ranting to her and telling her how much she hurt me that night, and I continued to feel upset. I was angry and I was sad that what I had felt like it was all a lie. We tried to continue being friends, but I was so upset and devastated that I would sometimes freak out and become paranoid and rant about how she hurt me. By ranting at her so often and using her as a crutch when I shouldn't have, I hurt her and made her feel terrible even though I always told her that she was a good person and that I appreciated her and that I even forgave her and wanted to continue being with her. Now, I just feel terrible. I feel like I'm not a good person for hurting her so much and betraying her. I feel like I'm alone for a reason and that people don't invite me out at all because I'm just annoying or a nuisance. I do well in my classes and am going to be an honor graduate, but I feel like I'm not actually even that smart. I was rejected by the college of my dreams, and even though I expected it, it still hurt a lot and has only made me feel worse. At this point, most of my friends have stopped trying to talk to me about why I'm upset, and one of the only people who does is my ex who I don't want to hurt anymore than I already have. I haven't ranted to her for weeks, but I'm still scared of doing something terrible. I hate myself and just... I feel like all this pain that I'm going through is too much, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm struggling really hard to get through school without crying, and I often get thoughts of suicide and feel like people wouldn't mind if I was gone. I always have a headache, and I'm tired of no one talking to me and doing nothing but sitting in my room all day because no one wants to hang out with me. Even when I try to schedule with friends, they often end up cancelling and never telling me when they're available again or just never really communicate with me. I even tried hanging out with a girl that I liked in an attempt to move on, and she ended up blocking me and doesn't talk to me anymore even though we were good friends before. I want to get better, but I just don't know how. People say I'm a good person, but I just don't believe them anymore. What should I do? Please help.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Where do I start? This is going to be a pretty lengthy post, but hopefully it helps explain the situation that I'm in. I'd really appreciate some help if anyone has gotten out of a similar situation before.
So I'm 21, and I've been lying to myself and everyone around me for the past six years. When I was 15 I lost my friends due to a fallout with one of them, and since then, I've avoided making any new friends.
I've always been friendly in school/college to people, and people seem to like me, I used to get asked to go to parties and stuff but I was always just a bit too shy and the ones that I did go to, I never really felt like I fit in. It got to the point were for most of my teenage years, I never really left the house, I literally lived 24/7 on the internet whenever I wasn't at college.
Anyway, none of my work colleagues know that I have depression and absolutely no friends either. I've spent the past few years weaving a shroud of lies about my identity in the effort to attempt to fit in. They think I have fake friends, fake girlfriends, a fake life essentially. Anyway, this obviously has backfired horrifically because everyone thinks that I have lots of friends and do lots of great things with my life, when in reality, I would just kill to make a real friend, or at least find something in life that makes me happy.
I want to take the reigns back on my life, I've lost my teenage years due to being stupid but I won't let it crush my twenties, I just don't know where to start though.
I imagine telling people that I'm a horrific liar with absolutely no friends isn't really going to help me get any friends, and if I try to go out and meet people, I'm afraid that nobody would want to talk to a socially anxious loner.
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self.depression
|
I stop talking to people who say they're worried It makes me feel good if someone says they're worried about me but not nearly as much as it makes me feel guilty that I'm making their life worse
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self.depression
|
Boyfriend doesnt understand Hey guys. I am dating the sweetest guy. He doesnt get my anxiety though and it really upsets him when i get anxious. Like if i dont want to go into a place or i dont want to ask a worker for help if it can be avoided, or confront people or if im worried about things that he doesnt think matter. He gets really upset. Then him being distant with me and irritated because of my anxity, gives me more anxiety. It sucks. He thinks im using anxiety as an excuse to not push myself (even though i push myself out of my comfort zone often) , he thinks its stupid and ridiculous to be anxious about things that he doesnt think should matter. So he gets distant and annoyed and theres nothing i can do it really sucks. Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
|
Dealing With That "Everyone Secretly Hates Me" Feeling Hello everyone, this is my first post on this sub. I used this particular flair because I felt like it was the most applicable but feel free to correct my use. So, ever since middle school (I think, could be earlier), I've had this gnawing suspicion that everyone I meet secretly hates me. If they were nice to me, then they're just gathering information that they can use to laugh at me behind my back. Ever since that feeling began, it hasn't stopped. Do any of you have this feeling? If so, how do you deal with it?
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self.bipolar
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Dear reddit, happiness isn't a choice for everyone I'm sorry but I need to get this off my chest in a place where people will understand me.
Dear people that think happiness is a choice, it's not. Me or my fellow sufferers don't choose to be miserable. In fact if it really was that simple, I'm sure 99% of us would choose to be happy without even having to think.
I feel sad because I have mental illness. If you don't know, that means my brain isn't normal. My brain has deficiencies and such that keep me from feeling happy, even when I should.
I'm so sick of reading replies to mine and other people's post about depression that try to oversimplify a serious mental illness that can cause suicide.
I swear everyone on this website assumes we do nothing to try to help ourselves. I really can't believe people are that misinformed that they really think that many people choose to be that miserable. You wouldn't choose to be miserable if you had the choice, and so would we. But we don't get that choice.
Then we have comments like "Just put a life together that wont make you depressed". I think these piss me off the most. If it was really that simple you think I would of done that by now? Also a lot of people don't mention how hard changing your life can be if you don't have money or resources.
TLDR: Stop oversimplifying a serious illness
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self.depression
|
Is my reason for suicide justified? i'm pretty sure mines justifiable. but i just need to mostly vent about my problem, since i suffer silently from it. as a warning, this is pretty explicit.
im 20 years old. ive always been healthy, went to the gym often and what not. very active and usually full of life, albeit not a social butterfly. earlier this year i was basically at my prime. happy, finally having a social life, going out with friends, fuckin girls. until 5 months ago i countered a yeast infection because i was too stupid to wear condoms. i'm supposed i'm std free. so i go to this doctor , who very, very stupidly prescribes me a strong steroid cream to put on my penis. she told me it would heal the infection faster. i thought ok great. so i use it for only a week, half the time i was told to use it, because eventually i looked up this cream and found out that you should never put that shit down there. i was shocked that this happened to me. i'm a statistic now. the steroid cream not only ruined my skin there, but it fucked with all of the vessels. the cream strongly constricted them, and as a result they are a lot weaker and i have damaged veins as well so i can't get proper erections any more. they are even painful now. i only applied the cream to my head, but this cream was so strong it reached all over my genitals parts of my pelvis. to paint an ugly picture, i now have a red burnt looking dick and red balls/genital area, with sensitive enlarged blood vessels all around.
basically there's no cure for this. i've looked and tried every possible thing, but these past couple months i've just given up. to make things worse for me, i can't even enjoy weed anymore because i guess since my vessels are damaged it aggravates them, since thc opens vessels. i'm literally in tons of pain if i try to smoke. i use to be a big pothead, that's how people knew me. that was my thing, my escape, my means of bonding with friends, my way of treating my anxiety.
i'm just not happy anymore. my happiness and outlets (sex, weed, even masturbation) were robbed from me because of a dumb bitch "doctor". i'm pretty depressed ever since this happened, and my problem down there seems to be getting worse instead of healing. i'm just fuckin done with this nightmare. i'm tired living like this. i've been wanting to end it all since this happened, but now i think i'm coming pretty close to actually doing it. so yeah here's my rant, hope this made some of you realize that you're not as fucked up as you think
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Life is too painful for me. There comes a point where you just realize you're done living.
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self.depression
|
How do I stop feeling sorry for myself? I hate my life because I can't figure out what I want to do. I'm going through an extreme case of a quarter life crisis. The easy and logical thing would be to get myself out but that's easier said then done.
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self.depression
|
Depressed and needing someone to talk to I've been through so much lately and I am trying to get my mind focused on healthy things. I have not been sleeping well for over a week. Super high anxiety and lethargic. I know that I am in here somewhere, but something is draining the life out of me. Feeling all alone.
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self.bipolar
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