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First day of new job- techniques to help calm anxiety? Tomorrow is the first day of my new job. I’ve been unemployed for 4 months after graduating university and this will be my first full time Monday-Friday office job. It’s a really good job- salary, benefits, vacation, etc. so I really don’t want to screw it up. I’m extremely nervous about the socializing aspect like introducing myself, fitting in, initiating conversation with people I don’t know and so on. I’m also really nervous about making a mistake, embarrassing myself, or looking like an idiot. Is there any way I can challenge these thoughts? Just looking for some advice/pep talk.
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self.Anxiety
|
Tried Everything. Still Single. Might as well get it over with. I once made a post on here talking about how being single has been this awful poison in my mind as a 20 year old straight guy, making every aspect of my life seem miserable.
I'll spare you my life story and just say between extreme parental pressure, my so called friends and what everyone else seems to manage easily, I feel like a total failure for being single.
Last time I settled for the fact I hadn't tried much and that was probably why. Now I've gone to uni societies, tried dating apps, parties and bars and zero success. Not exactly looking for advice here but let's say it wasn't because I seemed desperate or creepy.
I already felt suicidal when I had options, now I have none and don't see another way. In some kind of futile gesture against the world, I'm planning on ending it on February 14th.
There isn't a miracle that can fix my situation or believe me I would've found it. I'd rather die than live this lonely pathetic life where nobody wants me any longer. This is just me expediting my removal from the gene pool.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Under the Moon Tonight, I just want to crawl my way to the roof and spend hours sitting under the moon, it can get pretty chilly but what is colder than my regard for my existence but I'd still put my Palace jacket on, the one I bought in the last few weeks of my last semester in law school, I'd also put my favorite band, The Fray, on repeat and hope 'Cable Car' gets played right after 'You Found Me' and 'How To Save a Life'. I'd also eat the only chocolate bar I bought this afternoon and taste its sweetness. Then, I'd think of you, the people whom I mattered to. I'll squeeze in an hour the highlights of all of our shared memories and I'd whisper in the cold breeze how grateful I am for all those, Then I'd picture, once again, my utopia, the prettier version of my life, the one Im excited to waking up in the morning. And then, I just want to close my eyes and feel my presence right here on this fucking rooftop because Im here, I have always been. I breathe the same air as you, heck, we might have competed for oxygen at some point of our time. Im just a kid whose vision of life is becoming hazy, the same kid who does not fit in well in your society. But this time, Im no longer sorry. If anything, Im tired. I just want to close these eyes that made me see how life turned out for me.
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self.offmychest
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I'm a shitty, needy friend and it makes me feel like shit [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Terrified of my new year - irrational, delusional thinking - Trigger Warning Fuck I dont know how much longer I can take it. I have an identity crisis, since August my mind tells me that I should die and now I think I shouldve killed myself in August, i feel overly overwhelmed and fearful. I feel like since August a part of my person slipped away. I feel like I shouldnt be here anymore and the more time passes the worse it gets. Guess what, I am terrified of 2018 and feel suicidal just thinking about it.
I FEEL TRAPPED IN LIFE, IN TIME, IT IS HORRIFYING! I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN EVEN CELEBRATE NEW YEARS FUCK
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self.Anxiety
|
Don't know where to turn Hello, I'm new to Reddit, so I hope I'm not breaking any rules of any sort. If this happens to be the case, I apologize.
I'm going to get to the nitty-gritty: I'm a double-amputee (injury sustained five years ago) and am so disgusted with the way I look. I've never had much confidence before I was injured, but now, I practically have none. With my scars and trauma, I feel like a creep.
I've never had a girlfriend and being at an age where my friends are getting married and having children; it makes me feel even more pathetic than I thought I could imagine. My Mom even asked me if I was gay this past year.
I feel incredibly hopeless. Some days, depression feels manageable, but the majority seem like they're never going to end. I think about suicide at least once a day, but I don't want to/ too chicken to do it. I have come to the conclusion that it would be easier, though. I don't think I'm in danger of doing so. I'm still holding out for some big break by trudging through life, but I'm scared that I will get to the point where I will stop holding on.
Today, we have Tinder, Bumble, Eharmony, POF, and other online dating websites. They're all superficial, which isn't a bad thing, it's just an inconvenience for me. Girls get tons of messages a day from people that have different motivations. She's obviously going to pick the person who looks the most attractive, right? What would she want with a dude in a wheelchair? It doesn't make her a horrible person. It makes her human.
By the way, girls and guys have every right to go after what they find physically attractive. I wasn't trying to say otherwise.
Anyway, I've talked to therapists many times--many when I was recovering--and I've learned that for a woman to love me, that I need to love myself. The thing is, I don't want to fake it til' I make it. I don't want my depression to be a surprise. Even then, I feel like I'd be an inconvenience to her. No one wants damaged goods. It's impossible to love myself when I view myself as such.
So...now that you've read what I have to say, what the fuck can I do? Where do I go? I'm tired of being alone. What do I need to change and how?
I feel like half a man trying to prove the other half is still there. It doesn't feel like I've had a victory in a long time.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this, and I hope you have a wonderful day.
Edit: I'm sorry. I've reread what I just wrote, and I'm sorry for the wall of text. There's just so much to say, and I have no idea how to convey that in as little words as possible.
Edit 2: The reason I haven't posted this discussion in /r/SuicideWatch is that I feel my depression is a more significant problem for me than my daily suicidal thoughts.
Edit 3: Sorry for the lack of transparency in my post. I don't care to get laid. I'm more worried on how to establish a relationship with a woman.
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self.depression
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I'm going to the doctors soon to see if I have bipolar My mum has bipolar so we are assuming it will be genetic. I've researched it a bit but am stuck between the terms. I'm going to let the doctor diagnose me though. What I'd like to know is what to expect going into this and most likely coming out as someone with bipolar. Is there something I need to keep in mind? Anything I could keep tabs on to help the diagnosis? Any advice is appreciated.
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self.bipolar
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I don't care about myself. Why should I? I don't care about myself. Well, this is mostly true. I suppose it's more accurate to say that I don't care enough to change myself. I generally don't believe in an external locus of control, but I don't believe the concept is entirely without merit. I believe that you are in control of shaping your life; it's as if you start with a slab of clay, and you can mold it into whatever you like (with a proviso). If you start with bad clay, however, there is only so much you can do. You can only play the hand you are dealt: no re-deals. My hand sucks, and there's little I can do about it: it appears that I should fold. The metaphorical clay that I have started with is hideous. I have a lack of social skills, I'm bipolar, impulsive, and unattractive. I don't see how I would be desirable to anyone for any reason, be it an employer, a woman, or a friend. I have no clue how I got the job that I have. The one true friend that I have is fucked in the head too, though not to the extent that I am.
Regarding women, I tried asking people out in high school and was meet with nothing but rejection. Fast forward now to college. Somehow I deluded myself into thinking that people would be more open to meeting new people and give them chances. What a fool I was then, and still am. It's pathetically funny that every single time I've been given the "too busy" excuse. I know it's an excuse because I've asked each more than once, and if they had any interest at all they'd suggest a time. Add to this the fact that I have no knowledge of how to meet people and make friends let alone a potential girlfriends, and the scarcity of women at my college. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Dating sites and apps like tinder are a fraud and others like Match are meant for older people.
Anyway, I'm a sophomore at an engineering college now, and I find myself caring less about myself with each passing week. Every week is the same. There's nothing that can motivate me. The impact the things I care about have on me lessens each day. The clubs that I'm in would probably be better off without me; I don't think there's anything new that I can bring to the table. I see that I'm falling into a self-destructive loop, but I feel that it's pointless to get out of it because there's nothing to return to. I feel like I should just quit and stop wasting my parents' money. They always nag me and tell me that if I don't want to do it anymore, that it's perfectly fine. Maybe I see too much in myself. My grades have slipped from making the Dean's list to B's and BC's.
I've reached out to people in the past on Reddit and I haven't gotten anywhere. I don't know what to do. Nothing I do works. I should probably quit now and save people from being a bother.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Struggling to study suffering from both ADHD and BP Disorder The insane ups and downs I would have on Adderall IR 20 mg tablets was insanity but I somehow survived my hardest year in law school on those alone, was probably in psychosis or mania the entire year. I ended up on Lexapro 10 mg after that so a combination of adderall and lexapro or lexapro and vyvanse, you can only imagine how manic I was (but was able to get through my school work and graduate law school somehow because I physically looked healthy on the outside).
My doctors have disagreed about BP disorder in me and some thing it's just Major Depression and PTSD from trauma as a child and a car accident, but my anxiety is off the charts on any stimulant alone basically, like a relentless hopelessness unless I'm on some sort of antidepressant as well except on the lowest adderall tablet dose of 10 mg, I was decent just a bit agitated and hyper sexual.
Now my psych has me on Effexor XR 37.5 mg twice daily (which is almost the same as 75 mg of Effexor XR once a daily, but for some reason there is a slight difference between the lowest dose and the highest). I do live in a pretty toxic situation at home and sometimes think I need to do the opposite of what they say, but I end up looking "medicated" OR I'm more vulnerable and lethargic to them to do as they please with my life and I need to take charge. My psych gives me samples every month of a new med called Rexulti (antipsychotic antidepressant add-on) and on 1 mg it's done wonders except weight gain. I'm also on Wellbutrin XL 300 mg because I think it helped restore libido after being on an SSRI for so long and I heard wellbutrin stabilizes a mood for both ADHD/BP disorder.
I am taking my bar exam a 5th time in February and despite memorizing a ton of laws and being able to recite them to anyone, I just can't get myself to focus on questions long enough to slow down or actually read them with the focus necessary to pass and do well. The increase of Adderall tablets from 10 mg to 20 mg was a good move but I can only tolerate half. Dexedrine Spansules ER 15 mg work the best for me because they don't send me into a spiral of anxiety or hyper sexual mood like Adderall does, yet I depend on that kick from Adderall to get going with these study preparations.
If anyone has battled a similar situation here, please share your input, losing it and don't know what else to do.
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self.bipolar
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Considering slitting my wrists and just ending it all [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Am I expecting too much out of a guy? I don't really expect this to get much sympathy, but it's still cathartic to put my thoughts together and send it out into cyberspace.
Without trying to sound conceited, I feel like I bring a lot to the table. I'm 25, graduated magna cum laude from one of the top schools in the country (which I paid for myself with scholarships), make a living doing something I like that puts me in the top 10% of income earners my age. I'm not tall, but I can say with certainty that I'm a 9 or above in regard to looks. I'm buff and fit, have distinctive auburn colored hair, bright blue eyes. I'm well-traveled, have good stories to tell, can carry a conversation about most subjects, and I can guide you on backpacking trips, climbing outings, and backcountry skiing. On top of it all, I have secondary sex characteristics that are generally considered highly desirable in the gay community: Deep voice with no gay accent, a great beard, a lot of body hair, and an archetypically masculine job.
I'm well aware that I've been freakishly lucky in life, so I've done my best to strike a balance that allows me to not judge my dates harshly without being patronizing either, and most people who know me would say I'm chilled out and down-to-earth. I avoid going to gay bars because I hate turning people down. I was the painfully awkward zit-faced nerd as a teenager. And I've been so socially anxious and distraught that I got fired from my first job out of college. That's all to say I honestly don't feel like I'm shallow.
But damn, it feels like I'm looking for a unicorn, and I feel like a picky asshole every time I go on a date.
I don't expect you to make as much money as me, but at least be able to afford an interesting hobby or passion. I don't expect you do have the same education or conversation skills as me, but can you at least have some sort or interesting commentary when we talk about each other's lives? I don't expect you to be gym fit, but can you at least not balk at the idea of a 10 mile hike in the mountains? I respect all gender expressions and have friends across the spectrum, but can I at least meet someone with some hair on their chest who doesn't talk like a Valley Girl?
After 6 years, thousands of online conversations, and a few dozen dates, I've met three guys that meet the (what I feel is reasonable) criteria. One was an orthodontic tech who was so clingy and insecure I couldn't leave his snapchats unanswered for longer than an hour without him freaking out. That lasted a month. One was a freelance graphic designer who felt like it was a privilege if you got an answer from him within the day; he literally announced out of the blue that he was moving overseas the next morning on the night of my birthday party. Also a month-long thing. One is actually a guy I know from elementary school: He's about to graduate med school, buff and hairy, outdoorsy, fellow stoner, we were both valedictorians, and we just get each other on so many levels. We can't get our careers to put us on the same side of the country. We're realistic enough to not put ourselves through anything long distance.
All of my friends, mostly straight, are starting to move away or pair up and not have much time for a social life. I'm surrounded by solid, datable straight guys, and I just resent my slim pickings. I'm not desperate for a relationship, but I'm emotionally available and have been ready for one for years. It's Saturday night. I'm in the prime of my life. And I'm sitting here alone.
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self.offmychest
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Please give me some advice Hello everyone,
I just found out about this subreddit and i am very happy that it exists. I am sixteen and started having panic attacks about 18 months ago. I can live with them, but they make life a lot less fun. I am incredibly scared of losing the love ones around me. When one of my parents go to work i am always fear that they might have an accident. When they run a bit late, i completely panic most of the time. I can have panic attacks over something trivial like friends ignoring a Whatsapp message. Most of the time i don't even assume the worst case scenario. The thought of that scenario being a distant possibility is just incredibly scary. I'm just really scared of ending up alone.
Sorry for the ramble guys. If anyone has any advice it is more than welcome.
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self.Anxiety
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Anxious about New Years and Partying I (f18) feel worried when i think about new years coming up because i feel like i’m gonna be alone while all my friends are out partying. I want to be like them and i want to be able to enjoy myself but i can’t seem to bring myself to that point. I’m scared that if i’m alone that i will feel lonely because everyone else is out having fun. Idk, i would go out with them but every time i’m around alcohol or loud music or any kind of drugs i feel a knot in stomach and i feel like i’m gonna go into a panic attack. This has been happening ever since i had a boyfriend who would go out and party and come back really messed up and it scared me to see him like that. Though we broke up a while ago, i have a new boyfriend now and i’m scared that he’s gonna turn out the same way and that i’m not gonna be able to trust him. I feel like my fears are stupid and everyone i try to talk to looks at me like i’m weird. I want to find people like me who i can relate to because i feel very alone in these fears of mine. I just want to be able to get through this weekend without having an excessive amount of panic attacks and i’m just not sure how to do that. Overall it would help to know that someone understands me because right now i feel very isolated with this anxiety that i have.
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self.Anxiety
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Boy did I screw up Wow. Did I mess up.
A little background. Diagnosed as bipolar at 18 after a difficult junior high and high school experience. Struggled throughout my early 20s and finally got my life under control by my late 20s. Met an amazing woman and got married. Managed to find a meaningful career and had a few years of amazing success. Two wonderful kids.
About 4 years ago my career started going south. There are several reasons, one of which was a move to different state then most of my freelance work. My wife also got very sick when pregnant with our second child and I ended up getting into a bad pattern of care taking without taking care of myself. Especially when it came to sleep.
As the money stopped coming in, I started selling some stocks that I owned prior to our relationship. I ended up selling almost all of it and cashing out the majority of our small but important IRA over the course of 2-3 years. I never shared any of this with my wife and never reported any of the money as income.
Fast forward to 2017. Almost all of the stock is gone (and I still haven’t told anyone). We are practically broke and borrowing money from family members repeatedly. A few weeks ago my wife demanded access to my brokerage account. She decided the best way to fix our finances was for her to take complete control. The jig was up. My huge violation of trust was revealed.
I truly believe that deep down I am a good person. I have a good heart and I am a very caring and loving father and husband. But with my terrible actions and hiding and lying about it, it is clear that I am sick and need help. I don’t know what caused this manic episode, but I am sure the fact that I sleep 5-6 hours a night so she can get a full 8-10 hours of sleep every day didn’t help.
She says she loves me, but hates my guts right now. She says she loves me but is terrified and feels like unsafe. She says she doesn’t know if she can stand to have me in the house or will ever be able to see me as a romantic partner again.
I haven’t been in therapy since my psych died in 2011. I’ve been seeing a nurse practitioner once every three months to keep my prescriptions up. But clearly need to find a new doctor pronto and get intensive therapy. Not just medication management.
If I didn’t have children, I can’t imagine what I’d do to myself. But I love them and I love her so much. I know I have a chronic illness and this is a major “flare up.” I just can’t imagine how I can live without my family.
We are seeing a couples therapist next week. I am so ashamed of my actions and my lying. I’m not sure what to do.
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self.bipolar
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Is 30mg of valium and a big bottle o vodka enough to do it? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety Med Oddities I have been taking anti-anxiety meds for about 2 years now. Starting with Busparone and now Venaflaxine. With all these drugs I get a faint bout of dizziness. It's difficult to explain but it feels like my whole head had a sudden fullness and goes away almost instantly. Has anyone else experienced something similar?
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self.Anxiety
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I came closer to doing it than ever before [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Yep I'm not going to live through 2018. I used to believe I was a survivor, and for awhile I probably was. Also for any mods who think they're smart, I'm behind over 9000 proxies, so good luck.
Eight years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. Four years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, and had to drop out of school to get a full time job to pay for insurance/healthcare. Cancer went into remission two years ago ironically only to lose my best friend shortly after. All the people who I thought cared or were my friends disappeared and dropped out of my life the second I reached out for help. The only resources that I have to reach out to now is a mental health system that honestly doesn't give a shit about it's patients. So as someone with way more experience than the vast majority of people who would recommend me to get help; fuck off. I have, and probably ended up more fucked up than when I first started getting help.
Mental health facilities are a fucking joke in the United States. The VA is useless when it comes to the treatment of PTSD, or any health treatment as far as I'm concerned. The vast majority of civi mental health units outside of the VA that I've been to (And yes, I've been to a lot -- over 10 at this point with some having multiple visits) are just glorified drug and alcohol rehab facilities that have a psychiatrist on staff that allows them to also accept mental health patients, as far as insurance companies are concerned, at least. While I'm sure this great for people with drug, alcohol, or dual diagnosis issues, this doesn't really help anyone else. Anyone who knows me will tell you I don't drink or do drugs (Probably the reason why I don't have anymore friends, to be honest). These places are not going to help people who legitimately only have mental health issues and need help. All they're going to do is take advantage of you, and your insurance, especially if you're there against your will. All you do at these facilities is sit around for 3-7 days being bored, watching TV (If you're lucky enough to have one in a group room), and going to one group a day that is patient lead since all the intern social worker does, who hasn't even graduated yet, just sits and listens, and doesn't really add much value to the groups. I've been to the one (And only) mental health unit in my state that is specifically for trauma patients, and while this unit was far more valuable than the others, didn't really help much because I found out that talking about my problems doesn't really do much for me. It also sent me off to yet another outpatient facility that was literally a drug and alcohol rehab facility because they had no where else to send me, and didn't want to release me without some sort of care. Thanks.
I have one of the most recognized psychiatrists in my region, but drugs only do so much. The only medication that has helped with the nightmares unfortunately also had the side effect of causing me to have more suicidal thoughts. Nothing has really helped with the flashbacks and panic attacks. The regimen of medicine that I've been taking consists of over 15 pills daily, and this is on the lower side of what I have taken in the past.
Last year I managed to break my neck, and pretty much destroy the right side of my body. That's not even the worst part. I somehow made a pretty good recovery. The worst part was when I realized the sad truth of where I was at in my life. When I was in the hospital, I had people I hadn't seen in *years* coming out of the woodwork to see me in the hospital all of the sudden. Where were these people when I actually needed them though? Where were they when my closest friend passed away? Where were they a few months after I got out of the hospital, and reached out for help to everyone I could think of? The worst part was realizing that people seem to only care when they can see you physically in pain. Apparently they could give two shits about me when it concerned any mental health issues.
I can't even remember the last time I had more than 3-4 hours of sleep. I'm having more panic attacks each week than I've ever had in my life even though I'm on more anti-anxiety meds than I've ever been on. The only people who seemingly care about me anymore are medical specialists my insurance is paying for me to see. I'm in more medical debt than I'll ever be able to pay off in 10 lifetimes thanks to said insurance refusing to pay for any of the surgeries required after my accident last year. I probably won't have insurance by the end of the year because I can't afford it anymore, so bye-bye psychiatrist and psychologist. And at this point with all this stress, I probably wouldn't be surprised if I died from some cardiac related issue before I could kill myself.
All the friends I ever had are either dead or not returning calls/texts, my family is pretty much fucking worthless. I'm mostly writing this in the hope that anyone recommending mental health units as a form of help to stop doing that, and do some research before continuing to spout of useless information to people who are already in a vulnerable position. And if you've gone to a mental health unit, and had nothing good come out of it, you're not the only one. So don't think it's you that's the problem as much as it's just the mental health system failing to actually help it's patients. There is far too much research being done in the pharma field, when there is an increasing need for far more research to be done on the neuro and psych side of mental health. Pharma is just a bandaid.
tl;dr: fuck this big dumb earth and it's big dumb pharma. goodbye forever~
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing feels real, NO ONE cares, so why am i here? I get that leaving would hurt the people dearest to me, but at this moment i don't feel like any of them care. What's the point man? I really don't know what i'm hanging around for anymore?
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self.SuicideWatch
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There- now you have no excuse for not knowing how loved you are. I miss you, ya big idiot. I hope you get back to normal soon.
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self.offmychest
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Fucked up in this life. I’m not necessary anymore. Emotionally neglected as a child. Severely bullied and isolated at school. Severely cyberbullied online. PTSD from a manipulative friend. Now I’m being blamed for our fucked relationship. And hey, maybe it was my fault for being too depressing. Or for not being there for them. For spoiling them to the point where they thought they could do whatever they want now. For letting them constantly guilt trip me.
I broke it off with this friend. Or rather, i completely disappeared from their life, and that pissed them off. They contacted me a few hours ago. Had a panic attack.
I’m so done with this. I’m done with the guilt and anxiety and memories and nightmares. I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m at the point where I’m so emotionally unstable I can barely function as a human being. I have no more friends, because my ex-friend essentially turned them all against me and they now think I’m the devil. I can’t help but feel that way either.
I’m just tired of feeling alone and being so mentally fucked up. I should just do as this other friend once said to me and, hey. Kill myself. Instead of whining like the bitch I apparently am.
I’m also going to apologize for my use of profanity, but I’m basically fucking it all at this point.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The winter. This winter season has me so messed up it’s crazy. Last year I worked in Kansas and I completely skipped the seasonal mood swings. Now I’m home in Minnesota and it’s it insanely hard. I wish I could could skip winter every year. Well I guess I’ll be an alcoholic this season..
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self.bipolar
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is school worth it? for the past few months school has just seemed not worth it and is honestly doing more harm than good. i rarely go and when i do every class except for maths is incredibly boring and i learn nothing.
which makes me think is it even worth it to go? like i can work out of my textbook and learn at home and i don't really have any friends that i overly enjoy spending with with so it feels that all i'm achieving by going is fucking up my mental health and learning a bit of maths. also wearing a jumper in spring (to hide scars) just makes me feel worse at school as our uniform doesn't have long sleeve shirts even in winter.
at this point i'm trying to get through it until i can legally drop out and do something with fashion or music as a job so i can actually try to be happy.
does anyone else kinda feel the same way?
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self.depression
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What do you want in this life I am 32 and still don't know what I am gonna do. Whenever I meet a girl, they ask me the same question. I have no answer. I am not really bothered with this question, plus I think it's so ok, but I don't wanna die alone either. I know this doesn't sound like a real depression to many of you guys but I needed to say this somewhere. Sorry for english, Turk here.
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self.depression
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"Why do you masturbate all the time?" 1. When I'm manic my sex drive is up 2. When I'm depressed it's a time killer and feels good
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self.bipolar
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Health anxiety gave me all sorts of surreal symptoms I’ve been so anxious about every single pain i encounter and i always think of the worst possible outcome. I used to tell myself i have diabetes, low blood sugar, athma, tumor, and many more. I have pains which feels like the real symptoms but when i visit my GP for my tumor, they found nothing and the pain faded away slowly. I always get weird symptoms which come for awhile and go without me noticing but it stays for quite awhile. I’m so worried.
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self.Anxiety
|
sometimes depression isn't just not being able to get out of bed... this seems like a very stupid thing to complain about, but i have to put it out there. going through high school and college, i was super depressed. hiding it from my parents and friends, so i became really good at departmentalizing everything. really great coping mechanism, but i've carried it into my adult life. i've always been able to drag myself through my day to day activities, but was still incredibly depressed. i'm seeing a therapist every other week, and i've recently started seeing a psychiatrist and am on medication. i have an amazing girlfriend, who is incredibly supportive, and am surrounded by good people who care about me. why do i still feel empty and just apathetic? sometimes though, i am so elated and happy and feel amazing. my psychiatrist made it sound like i was dumb for wondering if that was a normal thing. he said, "do you expect to be happy all the time?" this just made me feel invalidated and like my depression isn't real. i've always struggled with whether i was exaggerating or being dramatic. i don't think that suicidal thoughts and ideation coincide with the dramatic theory. i don't really know where i'm going with this, but i felt like i needed to get some of these feelings off my chest. i just wondered if anyone has ever felt something similar, and how they validated their feelings. i don't know. everything in my life is great but i feel dumb for not feeling great.
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self.depression
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I genuinely don't think things can get any worse I'll just get right into it--
October 2017- Dumped by the guy I dated for 5 months
November 2017- Found out I was pregnant with aforementioned guy's baby, had an abortion the week after Thanksgiving
December 2017- My mom goes into the hospital (has been suffering from cancer from almost two years) for a serious fall, I also get fired from my first job out of college
January 2018- I just found out that my mom has at most weeks to live, more likely days. She's now on hospice at the family home
Is there any reason to hope that things could possibly get better? I'm also an alcoholic as a 23 year old female college graduate (from a top 15 school in the US), have been suffering from social anxiety for years, and I 'm pretty sure I've been depressed for at least a year or so.
I also can't go to a therapist/psychiatrist, as I am back on my father's insurance after being fired.
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self.depression
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I wish someone would ask how I'm doing (besides my therapist) No one has asked how I'm doing, like genuinely asked. But then again, how many people do I see outside of work? Few. Would I divulge it to coworkers if asked? No, I shouldn't be bringing baggage into work, and burdening people from work. Plus, it might reflect negatively at work and I don't want that.
Life is okay, on the surface, but so much is going on behind the scenes in my head. Not suicidal by any means, but just..indifferent. I *love* my cat and dog and even they are not helping as much as they used to. Hell, even volunteering at the local shelter just isn't doing it for me anymore.
I think the depression is coming back and it scares me. I've haven't had an episode in a year and I find it unfair for it to come back now. Yes, I'm on medication, but that can only go so far. The walls are leaking when the storm is getting worse. I'm working to reinforce the bastion, but I feel like it's going to break. I won't break down, but I'll definitely withdraw.
I've been dropping weight at what seems like an unhealthy pace. Running and working out don't even seem to help anymore. I barely have the want to eat, if I eat (maybe) twice a day/consume 1200-1500/3000 calories burned on a daily basis, it's a miracle. I'm down to 159 lbs from 175 at the end of August (and at 5'11", that's considered almost underweight, I think) and I still feel like nothing is working in my life. I'm fine with myself, accepting even, but it seems like I just can't get it "right", or so I feel. Maybe I'm not fine with myself.
I've been trying to keep busy. I'm learning guitar, taking part in a D&D campaign (which honestly seems like the highlight out of everything), and trying to pick up new hobbies, as well as reading self help books. But those are only temporary.
Maybe the reason is because I put up such a good mask that no one knows I'm struggling.
I'm just...feeling down, and I don't know how to fix it.
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self.offmychest
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Learn from my mistake..... Don’t go to a buffet right after upping your AP. Just don’t.
I think I just gained 10 pounds.
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self.bipolar
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Wednesday 8.16 mid week check in So how are you doing this week so far, goals or otherwise? If you posted goals Sunday, here's a [refresher](https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/6tfo2t/goal_setting_sunday_81317/).
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self.bipolar
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20,000 Subscribers!! Hi everyone!
We just want to take a moment to celebrate hitting 20,000 subscribers!!! It has been great being part of such an amazing community. I know that this sub has helped a lot of us here.
Feel free to comment on what you really like about this sub or how this sub has helped you.
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self.bipolar
|
I said I'd do it after Christmas Well the times here (don't worry not actually tonight). I'm gonna push it back til after new years, I wish I gave myself an exact date. I wish I had a good way to do it planned. This is something that needs to happen and I keep putting it off and that means I'm stuck with me for that much longer. I'm tired of being a piece of shit and I'm tired of the mandatory 1 to 2 hr loop of suicidal thoughts that come before bed no matter how good a day it was. I can't be happy its not how I'm supposed to be. I don't think I was ever supposed to be here in the first place.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How can i stop self harm tendencies Ever since I was young, I've had tendencies to hurt myself. When I get anxious, I hurt myself. I'll pull my hair out, punch myself, scratch and pick at my skin, and cut myself. I don't even trust myself with a knife anymore cause I will cut myself. It just feels like a distraction.
How do I get over this feeling of wanting to hurt myself? It feels like there's nothing really for me to do about it. It's just the way I feel.
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self.Anxiety
|
Lamotrigine and acne Hey everybody, do any of you have experience with increased acne while taking lamotrigine? I've always struggled with acne, and I've seen three dermatology professionals in the past, but I haven't in several years. I think all of us understand insurance and referral messes. I just handled the acne on my own.
I've quadrupled my lamotrigine dose this year (100 mg in January to 400 mg now) and my acne has increased dramatically. The pharmacy handout says acne is an "infrequent" side effect, but I'm curious about your experiences. I do have an appointment with a primary care provider tomorrow to see if I can get another derm referral.
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self.bipolar
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Everybody I know has either died or left me [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’m a backup friend and I’m tired of it. In high school. Have a friend who i consider my best friend. We hangout at school and hang out outside of every other week or every few weeks. He treats me like his best friend sometimes, and then a minute later he ditches me and goes right to his other friends. When he’s with his other friend/friends (anyone really) he treats me like I don’t even exsist/not even important to him. He only talks to me really when no one else (none of his other friends) are there. For example I was talking to him the other day and he saw his other friend named... bob. And he’s like “ooh it’s bob” and just walked away and ditched me and went to go to talk to bob. Plus he chooses girls he just met over me and it hurts cause I see him as my best friend but he obviously doesn’t see the same. Just feels like one minute we could be having the time of our lives like best friends and then the next minute “k bye my other friends over there” and just ignores me basically. He said “jokingly” the only reason he sits with me at lunch on tuesdays are because his other friend/friends arnt there. I know he was “joking” but it feels true. Idk just had to get that off my chest. Don’t know what to do .
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self.offmychest
|
Do you constantly daydream about your life but so much better
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self.depression
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Which SSRI’s have You taken? Do you recommend any One more than the others? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Quit taking antidepressants in September, when will I feel normal again? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Anyone else have troubles studying? I just can't bring myself to do it. My exams are literally two days away and I'm so unprepared. Every time I open a book and try to read my mind starts wandering, and the thoughts aren't good either. I know I should study and I want to but I just can't bring myself to do it and it is eating me up inside.
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self.depression
|
Need help and advice on how to go on and what to do next Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Have been struggling with depression most of my life, currently 23 and been with my partner for 4 years, today we finally got the keys to our own place after 5 months of struggling with some legal issues before we could have the keys to our place given to us, some land issues. I was sure she was the love of my life, been smitten with her since we first met. It was long distance at first and then last year she moved in with me at my mum's house (sad I know but we couldn't afford to move so we saved) We've started moving stuff in today. While we're eating dinner at the house she confesses to me for the first 6 months of our relationship she was cheating on me with another man. She said she was with him first and then chose me over him because whatever. My heart has caved in and I can't stop crying feels like I'm being ripped apart from the inside out. Thinking about trying to drink myself to death. I just drove off and sat in a car park thinking about what to do and how easy suicide is just to make it all stop but then when I think about them I feel even more guilty that id be doing that to the people who I love. Mum dad brother, friends. Feel pathetic for envying those I consider brave enough to just take the boulder off their back and that makes me wanna just cry even more. What do I do. I'm so lost and don't want to talk to any of the people that know her.
Wanted to propose to her next year but now I can't even look at her without seeing someone else and wondering about ant other lies and bullshit
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self.depression
|
Sweaty Hands Hello,
For about 2 years i have had really sweaty hands - they seem to become very sweaty when i think about shaking hands or i know i will be shaking hands, e.g Job Interview or Bank Manager greeting me.
I've had to wear gloves all day for about 2 years whenever i go to school, teachers like to shake hands and some pupils too.
How can i stop this?
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self.Anxiety
|
I’ve got no one, just thought since I post a lot here I’d bookend it all by saying I’m going to kill myself tomorrow. Just lost a lot of trust in my only friend (she basically outed me about my porn addiction laughing in my face and telling two other people), it hurts a lot, she was the only person I trusted in this world. I did a lot of college work after hours so that I didn’t have to go in tomorrow but my mum (even after hearing this whole story) is telling me to go in and acting like I’m just some sort of fucking baby even though she knows about the depression and the suicidal thoughts and now the porn addiction. I don’t have anyone, no point in going on, bye.
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self.depression
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I'm out with my friends and feeling more lonely then ever. I just wish I would fucking kill myself already. [deleted]
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self.depression
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My first kiss My first kiss was a casual fling with somebody from my class. I'm 20 and I have never dated anybody. For some reason I feel like I did it because I got carried away when friends from college kept talking about their experience with physical stuff with their boyfriends. I wanted to experience it too. I didn't very much enjoy it. I was quite distracted. However, I was happy that I got to try something new. It has been a few months now, and I'm beginning to regret it. I haven't talked about the fling with any of my friends because of a few other reasons. Even now when they talk about their flings, I'm just a listener. I keep reading stuff about how first kisses are special and I feel bad about it.
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self.offmychest
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Is it okay to have suicide as a backup plan? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
my story hmm so I've been staring at my laptop for awhile now just wondering how to start. not even sure why I'm writing this. so to start I was born a mistake my mom had me when she was 18 and 16 with my older brother she kept him and I was adopted out of birth.it was weird growing up cause I've always known I would see my biologic family a couple times a year.
school was hard for me cause I have some learning disabilities most likely caused by my mom when cause she drank and did drugs while pregnant but most of my problems were caused by me I would never due homework at home and when I did it was a fight with my mom ( adopted mom) half the time when I got home I would forget I had homework and start playing with my moms dayhome kids.
I've found making friends to be quite easy but keeping them hard. I don't know what it is about me ( maybe I don't want to know) but growing up I could always make friends like if we went camping i would always find friends for the couple days we were there for. I understand what happened to those ones. we would go home and i would never see them again. but i would make school friends and shit maybe it my fault why i lost so many friends in elementary school i always felt like an extra so going in to middle school so i stopped seating with them at lunch an just not looking for a reason to talk to them. i wasn't in any of there classes so it wasn't hard made new friends and moved on just to drop those one when i felt like they didn't want me around. in grade 8 i got put in to a class called K&E it was designed for kids with learning disabilities. but in joining the class it puts a label on you that you are stupid.
going in to high school i was still in K&E but had made new friends that i still have today though we barely talk. witch is my fault cause i never made an effort to talk to them tell this year and don't really hang out because of it.
growing up i played a lot of sports and have always been very competitive. in middle school i made a competitive team. and played for years but all the kids i played with went to other schools so we never had any great friends with that.in high school i stopped playing soccer competitively as i didn't make the team. but started playing high school sports witch kinda put a wedge in the friends group i have as they were not sporty.
i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14 but had had it for years before that i don't remember i time i wasn't depressed just got good at hiding it. i stopped taking the pills shortly after getting them. the only reason I'm alive today was because i had some goals to make it here. they were as simple as make it to 18 (drinking age) and have sex I'm now 22 and have meet my goals i tried pushing for as long as i can but it seems like the longer I'm here the worse i make it for every one else. the hardest thing to think about right now is wondering if i kill myself my mom will blame herself and fallow suit i honestly wish she had adopted some one else and my biologic mom had aborted me. I'm also scared of hitting the ground and not dying. i hate the thought of never seeing my dog again.
sorry to anyone who reads this because it boring as hell. i
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm gonna tell my psychiatrist that I've started cutting again. If he has me admitted, then so be it. I'm so fucking done with everything.
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self.depression
|
I want to break up so badly but I am terrified of what might happen if I do [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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idk so he officially broke up with me last night and i honestly want to die
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self.depression
|
I feel like I'm drowning and I can't talk to anyone about anything but I'm breaking apart and I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I get so mad taking care of my alcoholic dad that i end up hitting myself [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I just don't see any other option at this point. (very long, and pointless. don't feel any obligation to read this as it won't effect anything) My entire life has been one bad experience after another. I honestly couldn't name 10 good events that happened in my life, and any that I could name, were all during my childhood.
I was addicted to drugs for a while, and while I never committed any crimes to get them (aside from the crime of buying and having drugs on me) I was treated like scum. Like a criminal by my family. Which was ironic, because my sister, who got me into drugs (though I don't blame her for my choices) was a major heroin addict and stole from us all the time.
The drugs broke something inside of me though. I used to be a happy, outgoing and sociable guy. I had no problem getting girls, people always thought I was so funny and had the best personality. People liked being around me. This stayed with me during the drugs too. People loved me so much, so frequently, that sometimes I would ignore phone calls and texts just so I could have some time to myself.
Then I decided enough was enough. I was over it. I wasn't even getting high anymore, and I was basically taking drugs just so I wouldn't get sick. So I stopped. This was 11 years ago. For the past 11 years, starting from the moment the withdrawal was over, my personality died. I speak in a flat tone. I genuinely don't care about other people excluding my father, sister and her 2 kids. I ignore 99% of the calls from my friends that I've known ranging from 3rd grade (I'm 32 now) to high school. Pretty much all of them have given up trying, and I no longer talk to the 2 people that I called my best friends for years. Although one of them turned their backs on me, I turned my back on the rest. I was supposed to be the best man at my friend since 3rd grades wedding, but I just flat out told him no. I said I didn't want to do it, and I think he would have an overall better experience if he asked someone else. Besides the fact his fiance is a bonafide cunt, who I despise, I just can't fake happiness or emotion with people. I can't force a smile. It's not painful, it just feels weird. And I've looked. It is so obviously fake.
I don't laugh at peoples jokes. Ever. I don't find them funny. I probably would have 11 years ago. But not anymore.
I'm not sad. I don't cry. I don't laugh. I don't get mad. I just exist. I want nothing to do with anything. My ultimate dream would be to live in a room with unlimited food, a computer with internet, and a full bathroom. Oh, and some Benadryl, because I haven't been able to sleep for 11 years without a sleep aid either. At one point, when I was unemployed and had no one to borrow money from, I went 6 days without sleep. I only slept when I had enough and stole Benadryl from the store.
I just truly don't care about anything or anyone. I think my brain has been damaged from drugs. I have no interest in meeting a girl, dating her, and maybe one day marrying her. I have declined every time a woman made an attempt to hang out with me, because I simply don't want to waste my time doing anything but sitting in this chair, waiting to die.
I want to die. Not because I am sad, or depressed. But because this is not a life. This is me waiting out the clock until I eventually die. I would have committed suicide a long time ago, but I don't want my last moments to be painful, so I am actively looking for a way around that. I tried buying a handgun illegally to kill myself several times over the years, but it always fell through.
I'm not posting this in hopes that you will try to stop me. Or direct me to a suicide hotline. Because I have made up my mind a long time ago.
I've already tried reaching out. To family. To friends.
The one friend I still have, Tarek (Because I know people love to accuse me of being racist on Reddit because I make racist jokes.. as if you can only do that out of hate) tries to talk to me. But he has his own issues. Also, I suspect the only reason he even keeps in contact with me anymore is because he's a total deadbeat, always has been. He's also very dishonest about some things, and a trouble maker at times. I suspect the reason my former best friend Jeff (Who is Korean, you know us racists only like Korean and Egyptian people) just literally stopped talking to me completely at random is because of something Tarek said. But I could be wrong. Maybe he just got fed up talking to someone who sounds like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
I reached out to my father. I love my father, but I didn't always. He used to hit me. Sometimes badly, most of the times just spankings. Although back when BF since 3rd grade, Doug (He's white, so obviously he's the only one I actually like, since I'm a total racist) and I were about 9-13 we were SUPER into wrestling. One time we recorded ourselves wrestling each other (Like WWE wrestling, fake and planned) and we used my mother's (I'd write about her, but I'm pretty sure I'd need to divide it into about 1000 posts due to character limit, so a quick explanation is she's a diagnosed sociopath cunt who has spent my entire life letting me know how useless Iam) camcorder, my father beat me mercilessly with his best. When I was 14, and he punched me in the stomach in the car, and I started punching him in the face, then grabbed the wheel and turned it with the intent to maim or kill him or us both, he stopped. He probably didn't want me to cause him to total another car, plus I think the broken collar bone might have weakened his hitting arm.
Since then my father has atoned for his violent ways, so I do forgive him. From 2007 (Year I stopped drugs) to 2014, my father gained custody of my sisters kids. She lost them in 2005 after she got caught trying to fill a fake prescription that I had made by taking a real one, erasing everything written by the doctor with an ink eraser and then making tons of photocopies. I had a system. I'd go with my niece, tellher to misbehave and call me dad. I knew people would see me, an 18 year old who looked 15 and think "Poor kids, let's get him out of here quick". Especially since the scripts were for my "uncle" a person who didn't exist. I probably filled 20 scripts, never with an issue, never at the same place. One day she went against that, went with her friend Jenn, Jenn got caught, and immediately ratted everyone out, which was my sister and my mom. I was only spared because Jenn had no idea it was my "master plan" (which I was pathetically so proud of prior to this happening).
So my niece was taken away, 5 years old, last thing she said was "Don't let them take me Ukoo (uncle)". Something I cried about every single day for the next 2 years. And my at the time 1 year old nephew. When we finally got them back, Nathan was 3 and could not speak a single word.
I devoted my life to those kids. I moved back with my father, since he was nearing 60, to help with the kids. I taught Nathan how to speak. I taught him how to read. I taught him how to pronounce words he struggled with "Spongebob was Baba" "Spiderman was Potterman". Through my devotion to them, I did find joy. So maybe it's not fair to say I've been dead for 11 years. However my desire to meet women and have a social life was still completely gone at that time. I only slightly maintained a social life, because I spent so many hours with the kids, and occasionally needed a break, as I spent about 8-16 hours with them a day. I dropped out of college for that reason.
So around 2014, maybe 2013, my sister after another stint in jail finally cleaned her act up, mostly. She got on a medication called Suboxone (which I also had success with... and I actually want to rectify something **It was 2009, not 2007 that I stopped drugs entirely. 2007-2009 I used Suboxone**). While that is still technically an opiate, it also blocks other opiates. So if you take a Suboxone, and do heroin, you won't feel the heroin. It also lasts 24 hours. So it gave my sister the control she needed to sort of get her shit together.
She moved in with us (we had since moved to NC) and not too long after, my niece (who always had behavior problems, they just intensified by about a trillion when her mother came back) wound up getting us kicked out of the apartment when she accidentally started a fire in her closet smoking a cigarette.
Dad, sister, niece and nephew moved to an apartment. I moved with my brother who also lives in NC.
All of a sudden, it was as if I had no say whatsoever in the kids lives. My sister would constantly say "They're not **your** kids." Yes, I know they're not my kids. But I spent the past 7 years taking care of them. So I think I have a right to be involved in their lives. "You do. As their uncle. Don't tell them what to do". This enraged me, and it was made worse by my father telling me she was right... the heroin addict who lost her kids and made 0 attempt to regain custody, while my father fought for custody, and I did everything I could in terms of driving to his lawyers to get papers, going with him to court, anything I could as someone who wasn't trying to get custody.
So suddenly, in addition to having no joy, I now had no purpose. My niece and nephew and I bonded deeply during those years. They completely ignore their mother when she says things like that, and constantly tell me how important I am to them. But the bottom line is, I never see them anymore.
And now, my life is even worse. I was staying with my cunt mother temporarily until I found a place, but almost immediately after she got an offer on her house, and now I have to move out in 7 days. Unfortunately for me, I am also unemployed. The cherry on top is my vehicle needed a lot of repairs. Too much for me to afford, and I had to junk it.
So now I'm sitting in a room, with a chair, a computer and nothing else. I've thrown away all my clothes. I've thrown away all of my belongings. I'm giving my computer to my nephew when I leave here. I have 300 dollars in the bank. I'm going to buy a bunch of drugs, leave a note saying I don't want my mother or my brother at my funeral if I am found, and then I am going to kill myself.
I'm not sad. I'm not overwhelmed. I just don't care about living anymore.
Peace out Reddit. Unless you plan to offer me a permanent place to live, a vehicle, and some starting money, please don't say anything stupid like "Don't do it".
I love you guys (For the most part). This site has filled a lot of emptiness in my life. But it's time for me to move on, hopefully to a better place. If not, at least I will finally be at peace.
Be easy, folks.
**Edit: thought I was on my main account where I've hilariously and incorrectly been called a racist for making jokes that I'd make to my friends who I used to call "the United Nations" in high school because we had a Korean, a Dominican, an Egyptian, a black person, and a Thai kid.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Personal attacks from superior Hi Reddit, throwaway account here.
So yesterday, my colleague ‘B’ was told to finish a task but he called in sick to work. Manager ‘C’ from another dept (our dept plays a support role) came over to ask me if I could check B’s work in order to ensure he does it as instructed.
I said I do not know what work C was referring to so I would have to check with B. B seems to be able to finish his work as he brought his laptop home and also reported the work progress in our group chat. I told C that and C appeared annoyed that I was unsure. Before I could say/do anything else, C said that he would talk to my direct superior and walked away.
On that same day, C wrote a long complaint email to my direct superior complaining about how I was not helpful and how my colleague B did the assigned task wrongly.
Today, me and my colleague B got called in to a room with my direct superior ‘D’ and got a huge lecture. Most of it was directed at me and my attitude. D said that I should have been more helpful and that my first few words should not have been “I am not sure.” Mind you, I was not told of the work assignment beforehand and I had no clue about it. As I got defensive, D’s lecture became increasingly personal. D started to threaten that I might get fired and said that everyone told him that my attitude is bad, I don’t look at people in the eye when I talk etc etc and continued to lecture me in that manner after making my colleague B leave. In the end, it ended with me saying I would change only if his comments could be more specific.
Thing is D has already tendered his resignation letter and has not much authority left in our workplace. My boyfriend recommends I email HR about this but I am afraid there would be heavier consequences if I do that. We do have a big boss who is a tyrant who basically does whatever he likes.
Would like some advice on this please.
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self.offmychest
|
Getting and maintaining a job impossible. I have autism with a sensory processing disorder (i start puking, my brain glitches and I eventually pass out when experiencing a sensory overload), it's become harder and harder to get and keep a job. The longest I've been able to keep a job was for 11 months. I haven't been able to pick up another job for a year now. With all the "quiet" jobs in offices being automated, everyone will always try to switch me to jobs that will trigger sensory overload (customer service, any place with loud or many sounds, certain types of lighting, and strong smells can trigger it).
My state's trying to make medicaid available for a limited time, and only to those who can get a job. Can't afford to hire a lawyer to get on disability.
Starting to feel like things are hopeless.
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self.depression
|
Need help. I have PATM. My body emits bad body odor. People around me always get sick because of it. I want to socialize with people, but it is difficult with my current condition People around me had difficult time speaking to me. My body odour makes them suffer, gasping for air, coughing, sneezing and some of them get fever because of it. I clean myself frequently, taking bath twice before going to work, but when the tought of people reacting to my body smells, I started to get depressed and scared going to work. Ive been thinking of quiting my job lately and it gets me really depressed. I myself, never knew how bad my body smells, since my body kinda develop immunity to that smells. Lately I started to realise that my family too has started to become allergic to me. Im too afraid to get out of my room, the only place i feel peace and happiness, because no one coughing of my bad smells. Ive been thinking about suicide a lot lately, but I love myself and i believe good things will come if I stay strong. What i fear the most is losing my job, which is my everything since i dont have friends outside from my office mate. Lately, i find my collageus and manager has started losing faith in me. I afraid of being jobless again, since ive been there before and it took a lot from me to recover and gaining my confidence back.
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self.depression
|
Im going to kill myself. Thats it. Its decided. Im tired of everything and i just cant take it anymore. So im killing myself tomorrow or maybe in a couple hours when i can be alone. Just thought i should tell someone
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Broke up with my boyfriend over Trump We were together for a couple of years. he's Jewish, much older. I'm not religious and detest organized religion, especially the kind that raises one type of peoples over others.
he was the most loving, kindest man. though, he always had to be right about politics and such things. that made me more and more resentful over time. I was disappointed that he thought that sun's activity was to blame for climate change, not human activity. Obviously, a man harboring delusions so as to sustain his personal worldview.
The night that Trump got elected, I was flabbergasted. We were together. As the stock market predicted that Trump would win, he beamed from ear to ear and said, "Don't you see, this is really good for me!". I couldn't really understand. That was the weirdest night.
His loyalty to Trump has remained steadfast. I couldn't handle it any longer. The breaking point was when I asked him how he would feel, knowing that millions of poor kids would be without health insurance in January, as a consequence of the GOP tax bill. I'd prefer to be with someone who would feel hurt by such a thing, you know...
He was very defensive, of course. I guess I can understand. Very angry. He said that he felt he needed health insurance more than kids (he doesn't have insurance), and that healthcare for kids is overrated anyway (vaccine scams, etc). And that as a person who's paid taxes all his life, he should be a priority. I guess I can understand, sort of....
And that, as one of the only people in this state who voted for Trump, he felt abused and ridiculed. That there is too much hysteria everywhere, and too many fake news. People being mislead left and right. He voted for Trump because he wanted to cut a monarchy short, and to shake things up so as to bring about collapse faster.
He supports the travel ban. Hates Muslims. Supports war with North Korea. Doesn't think that Henry Kissinger is a war criminal. Doesn't think Trump is a misogynist. Is willing to support someone pro-life, if the prospect of an abortion makes such a person sick to the stomach.
Suddenly a person I thought I knew is a stranger, and we're on two separate islands.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm so salty/jealous I'm 17 (high school senior) and I can't talk to girls
Never kissed one
Never had sex
Never even really held hands
I'm definitely working on myself every day and expanding my knowledge socially and in general
But if feels like EVERYONE around me is getting laid, getting blown by all these hot girls and I'm just stuck here silently moping and jealousy brewing inside of me
Just the thought of this Asian dude I know getting blown by this really hot girl just had me down
I'm so fucking jealous, hateful, angry, and frustrated
I feel like shit. I want to be able to talk to girls and be with them like these guys are doing.
Fuck
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self.offmychest
|
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like killing myself is inevitable. I don't know what to do anymore. Every day is getting worse and worse. I've always been numb and a little out of it, almost like I'm dreaming all the time. I don't remember for how long this has been going on. Sometimes though I get so fucking depressed it's like a physical pain. There's too much going on my mind to try to go through it all. Depression, anxiety, disordered eating, self harm, dysphoria and transitioning, yeah im a huge fucking mess. I have my first ever therapy appointment in a week but I feel like I'm too bad to be helped. I can barely manage doing my fucking homework without getting some sort of anxiety. I want to ask a friend for help but he has no idea about these things. Although he probably suspects something is wrong. I don't want to worry him. I just don't know what to do.
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self.depression
|
How to treadwater when you're sinking? For the survivors out there; you brave things, what are a few things that kept your head above water when thoughts of suicide wanted to pull you under?
I've never thought this much about ending my life.
Even small things...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Am I depressed? Firstly: sorry for English.
Secondly: I know you guys are not psychologist and before you tell me ''go to a psychologist'' i'm not going, because i'll have to spend money that i need for other stuff and I don't want my parents to know it. So from your experience, since many of you are struggling with depression or know someone with it, is this depression?
i'm a Spanish 18 yo teenager and I don't know if this is depression or just casual sadness. I sometimes feel happiness but whenever i'm feeling it I just remember I'm actually alone and I get sad again. I have a family, I got money, I got some friends (1 of them is very close but we don't meet very often) but it feels like I have no one. I don't mind socializing but I'd rather not to do it. I've been like this since I was 14(? and I don't know how it came. I have super low energy for everything & I'm all day everyday saying ''I want to die'' even in front of people, even in front of my family and they all act like if it was a joke because I smile afterwards but it's actually true. I have never felt happiness for 24h straight.
Weekends are even worse because I feel more lonely. I have ''''friends'''''' to meet with but my brain tells me to stay in my beedroom for 72hrs starring at my pc all day until Monday comes and I usually cry when I go to bed those days, because I see people having a great life on their IG stories (even if you tell me those are fake, at least they have the energy to go outside).
i'm desperate I would like an opinion. Yes, I've made plenty ''depression'' tests and they all tell me that I'm indeed depressive but that I actually should go to a specialist.
I forgot to mention that my dad struggled with depression and the dad of my grandfather even ended himself. Maybe it's just genetics.
*Sorry if this post was boring af. I was planning to talk more and deeper but I don't want the post to be longer*
Edit: grammar
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self.depression
|
Absolutely debilitating Anxiety For the past week I’ve been having a crippling bout of anxiety. I can’t sleep, I wake up every two hours so anxious that I toss and turn for 45 mins before I can sleep again. Everyday I have a new pain and it’s driving me mad. Now my eyes have become sensitive to light to the point where it hurts when I wake up (window faces directly towards the sun) and I’m losing my fucking mind. I’m scared I’ll go blind, even though once my eyes adjust I’m always ok. Now I’m over thinking my vision and I keep on noticing things “wrong” with my vision and I’m sitting here shaking. I was prescribed Prozac but I had a shit reaction to it and now I’m scared to take it again. I really don’t know what to do I’m losing my my mind, I’m so tired of my anxiety, I just want to sleep for 48 hours. Sorry if there are any errors in this, I just needed to rant.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today is the third day I've been able to clean I made a post three days ago about being able to clean my room. I completely cleaned my room that day, made my bed, vacuumed and since then I've made my bed every single day. I've steady been doing laundry and folding it when I'm done.
Now my cleaning spree is leaking out into the livingroom/kitchen. I'm still exhausted. I still have to go to work and deal with this surrounding depression but I'm making it a thing. No matter how hard or difficult it is to get up. I'll set my alarm for 11 each day and if I wake up before that (normally wake up at 10:30) then I'll MAKE myself get up and start doing things before I have to go to work.
I was ready to set my clock back until 12 and continue sleeping today but I just threw my phone down and got up. It's really hard but it's doable. I hope my newfound motivation helps someone. I read on this subreddit about people's good days and it just motivates me to try and do better. To fight this depression because it's not me. It's so hard some days but, damnit I'm trying.
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self.depression
|
Tried but failed I have tried numerous times to end this now pointless life and have failed every time and can add suicide to the things I'm terrible at. Even using fentanyl, sleeping pills, muscle relaxers, methadone and whiskey all at the same time didnt work. I'm not exactly sure how people OD on opioids when I have taken so much and woke up with nothing more than confusion, disappointment and a stomach ache. There is no purpose left. Everyday is so lonely and filled with constant physical pain from a fractured spine and a painful nerve disease. Not sure why I'm here anymore. Contemplating trying a different technique seeing pills don't work.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't really know what's going on right now? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Nudexta. Has anyone used it to cope? I heard it has off label usage as a social anxiety medication. Otherwise it is used for MS or Alzheimers patients who display pseudobulbar affect (inappropriate show of emotion).
I don't know how to go about asking my psychiatrist since most do not know about its usage in anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
my therapist, who diagnosed me with severe depression last year, told me today that she didn't believe that anymore [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I just wore out a medicine organizer ><. Think I'm proud This is just a weird thought that I think that I can only reasonably share with other bipolar peoples:
So, I've been trying to be med compliant, and I've been using a medicine organizer thing, cuz it's fucking hard to be med compliant if you can't say with 12% certainty that you medded or not.
And since it was Sunday, I was filling up the 7 day pill bottle thing(addendumn: That sound you get from dropping lamictal, or depekote, or one of the physically larger tablets into the bottle. I think I dig the..portentousness of it? What the fuck would the word be for that *thwack*?), and the lid on one of the trays ceased to latch.
I have spent so long being a responsible person taking the medications I am supposed to, that the thing that sorts out the medicines is starting to break.
I think that's a victory condition for bipolarness.
|
self.bipolar
|
Better days need to come I am a disappointment to everyone.
Mental abuse is all I am good for.
My cousin Dave my uncle Tom saw it 1st. They abused me as long as I can remember.
Damaged but, I ended it with Dave.
My uncle Dan was so mad at the way I ended it that he threw me away.
I solved it.
I stood in front of all my family and talked about it, 5 listened and agreed with me. I was abused.
Solved.
Same night of my talk my father tried to destroy me. Loser, liar, no talent and a drunk. You never tell family you don't want to know them. Don't do that to family.
They were right.
I realize that now.
Everything I do is a failure and a waste of time.
People I worked with accused me of rape, being a liar and whatever ever else they could think of to destroy me. I thought I had some talent and was good at my job. Some people seemed to think so too. I guess they were wrong.
No one can get close to me. I designed it that way. I guess I always knew I wasn't worth knowing. People know and have given up. I am not worth it. Sometimes a few try to help but I know it's just pity or judgment. I wish I had a garage, I could run my car and breath the fumes until I die.
The only people who respect me are broken.
It's just a matter of time before they realize I am more broken than them. Then more pity and judgment for me.
Pathetic, weird loser. I think they are right. It's better no one gets close. I can fake it from a distance but sooner or later people see it.
Poor mike, what a loser, can't relate to anyone or even help himself.
Any confidence I have is met with distrust and suspicion. I can't know. If I say I do I am told I am a liar or my knowledge is fantasy.
I have been proud before.
Eventually I am told it's nothing to be proud of. Not very good and picked apart until it is made clear there are many faults with it. Or I was lying to myself and everyone about what I have done. What do I expect? That's what I am told. They are right. I am not worth anything. I can't do anything of value.
I can't let anyone get close. They will see me. I have felt this way forever. I blame everyone else, but I realize it's me. I am the problem.
I will do nothing today. I need help. I am too ashamed to get it. No one can know me and how pathetic I am. It's too much work anyway and I can't take any advise. It all sounds like critism to me.
|
self.depression
|
I would like to talk to a stranger for a while, please feel free to message me. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Lonely. My boyfriends dad forces him to go to some friday meeting for a trip coming up. i always have lunch with my boyfriend so it breaks my heart to be having lunch alone. from a young age, i was bullied and disliked. often, i was kicked out of tables but my boyfriend understood me but now he cant get out from the meeting.
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self.depression
|
Life has no meaning. Written to be read unemotionally for I have no drive or passion.
For some backstory I do have a therapist, but lately I’ve only been taking more and more steps backward from getting better.
All I know of who I am is this:
-I’m too afraid of being hurt again to make real connections with anyone, even family.
-I overemphasize rationality over emotion in a subconscious undertaking to erase my feelings; I feel inhuman, like a machine. (also causing me to create bulleted lists explaining my life)
-I just graduated highschool and I can already feel myself withering away and being held back by the same nagging questions.
-I want nothing, I have no goals, no ideas of a destination. Not even a far fetched dream I can whistfully grasp at and half-heartedly believe to be possible.
Well, there is actually one thing that I want though. To dream that I have a shot at having a purpose, I know it’s impossible though. In my mind I’ve convinced myself that It is impossible.
I feel nothing and I am nothing and I’ll die nothing.
I’ve been thinking of death a lot lately, and each time it gets more comforting.
Edit:bullet formatting
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self.depression
|
My friends are basically making an intervention for me I told one of my closest friends that I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and have been struggling with depression so he wanted to have me and one of my other friends to talk about it, I still wish my gf would contact me to know shes ok, that would make me feel way better, but I still know nothing about where she is currently
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self.depression
|
Why am I so timid and how do I gain confidence? I am currently at a veterinary clinic doing my hours for school. I’ve been there since October but it does not feel like it. It feels like I’m never certain about anything. I am constantly moving slow in fear of doing something wrong. I get that being wrong is ok but I can’t shake the anxiety of making mistakes. I don’t tend to ask for help because I can just feel that I’m being judged.
I always feel so literally thick in the head. I can’t imagine why. I think it’s anxiety telling me I’m going just fuck up.
What I’ve noticed is my voice. My voice gets so small when I ask questions. I am literally so timid that I can’t speak right. How can I make this go away?
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self.Anxiety
|
I need a community, i need some help Hey friends,
Long time lurker, first time poster elsewhere but
Not here.
I've worked really hard with therapy, meditation and mindfulness, medicines and every other thing I can think of. Based off of where i am its not worked.
Some time ago it got worse rather than better. Better older and growing in experience came with a new set of blows.
I lost my partner. My father died. I lost my job and then finally I lost my meditative practice...
I feel nothi by but fear and sadness. I can't repel the lies my mind tells me... I grind my teeth nightly to stories of how I failed the ones i love...
Worst... I acted these atrocities out on occasion. Never so bad as it seems... but enough to lose me so many loved ones... even while I was helpless to explain.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m wasting my life’s opportunities, sabotaging friendships and relationships and my self esteem, why do I deserve this? My first post here, I’m scared of making friends leave if I vent to them too much, so I thought I’d get it out here. My depression has never been as debilitating as it is right now. I’m at university studying illustration, I’ve always been so creative and hard working- and over the last year I have gone from being an avid overachiever to barely scraping the minimum amounts and quality of work.
I just feel so tired all the time, so mentally and physically exhausted but my mind never seems to rest; always something bad to worry about, always someone to convince myself hates me, always something to convince myself I’ll fail - so why bother trying?
It’s such an unhealthy and exhausting mindset I’m in right now, and all amounts of physical exercise, healthy eating/treating myself to foods that make me happy, family time (getting away from uni and going back home for a week didn’t even help), buying myself nice gifts, meditating, sleep cycles, aromatherapy aren’t helping me.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I want to be strong and power through this but it feels so much bigger than me. I feel like my fate is sealed in depression, but I KNOW in my heart how much happier I could be - HAVE been.
:(
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self.depression
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RESEARCH - /r/depression Questionnaire -RESEARCH (Re-post) **Re-post update:**
Dear /r/depression members, I wanted to thank each and everyone of you for taking part in my Questionnaire.
Yet I require more responses to make a truly statistically significant research. That is why I am re-posting this thread and humbly ask those who can, to participate. With your help, I truly believe that some necessary conclusions in the field of psychology and psychiatry could be reached.
Thank you!
**Original Post:**
Hello,
my name is Eddy, I am a 27 years old 6th year medical student who is writing his M.D. Thesis on the topic of depression. With your help, I will try and answer the question of whether one should advise a fellow person who struggles with depression to visit internet forums such as this one.
I would be very grateful if you could devote up to 10 minutes of your time and answer 20 short questions.
I assure you that you will remain anonymous and that all answers are collected for the sole purpose of research.
Link to the questionnaire:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScbs7HzLXOcnLrx4UtrtKUn-92hwb6k6llF69S7kR3VqMtpiw/viewform?usp=sf_link#responses
Feel free to leave any comments at the end.
Sincerely yours,
Eddy
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self.depression
|
I'm Boring I really don't know where else to do this, so I guess I'm here at /r/depression. Like the title says, I'm boring. I'm 19 and a music education major at college. I don't drink, I don't smoke weed, and I don't party. I very easily could partake in these things, but I never have and I never want to. It just doesn't interest me. I just feel like everyone that is close to me will eventually end up leaving me because of it.
Instead of spending Friday nights out partying it up and getting wasted like all my friends and having a good time like them, I'll be inside practicing my horn or laying in bed or playing video games. I listen to jazz and classical music, and all my friends listen to rap and other things like that. Even those that are interested in the same things as I am are so different from me.
I'm not trying to shit talk rap or partying or anything, there is some pretty decent rap music and I enjoy that. I would just much rather listen to some Benny Goodman or some Miles Davis.
I'm kind of off on a tangent here, so back to the original point of this post. I feel like everyone around me is going to leave me because I'm so boring. Even my closest friends comment on how "old" I am, and I feel like soon I'll be 100% alone.
They would very much deny that if I asked, but I know that soon enough they'll find some other guy to hang out with that will drink and smoke and party with and listen to rap and I'm just so terrified.
I don't want to be alone.
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self.depression
|
Lost my baby and am struggling with sobriety Just need to talk....
I was really struggling in the military and was thinking about taking some drastic measures to stay in. I got out of the Army yesterday. Basically I was struggling with the weight standards so much I was ready to do anything.
So I got pregnant and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I always told myself that I would have an abortion if I ever got pregnant because I know I wouldn’t be able to give it the life it deserved. (I have. History of drug use n trust me it’s hard to turn that around)
Things were good and I was actually happy for once without having to resort to drugs I was ready to have my kid. My mom even told me she was willing to help me out since I was finally sober plus she didn’t agree with Me joining the army but that’s another story.
And then it happened. I miscarried. This is really hard to type and I’m crying pretty hard rn. It feels so different from when he was moving inside me to a dull nothing. I cried. For days. My sergeant didn’t understand because he’s a guy and just thought I was a shitty soldier and to be fair I wasn’t the best but this was a pretty tough time for me.
Losing him made me want to use again so bad to feel happy. Idk I want to use right now and I’m trying not to but it’s really hard when everything in my life isn’t worth it to not
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self.offmychest
|
Mini depression? (Mention of suicide) Hey. Not sure if this is a bipolar disorder thing, a different disorder thing, or just a normal experience. Every few weeks I will have 1-2 days where I suddenly feel moderately to severely depressed. I’ll have my typical depression thought patterns and get “depression aches;” I’ll even have some SI with planning. Then it goes away as suddenly as it started. Usually I’m in a normal/stable/whatever mood before and after these episodes. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar and I’m planning on bringing this up with my pdoc, but I can’t see her for a couple of months. Does this happen to anyone else? Is this something you associate with bipolar or is it something else? I’m not really seeking medical advice. Just looking to start a discussion!
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self.bipolar
|
This place just feels so saturated, I'm just one person This sub, I'm sorry to say, just feels so shit. I'm not trying to be rude, and I get that you guys who give up your time just to try and talk to suicidal people are doing a good thing.
It's just kind of shit. There are so many voices, so many different people shouting out their issues on this fucking sub and they'll get what? 10 upvotes and 4 comments identical to the ones left on all the other posts on this sub. "What's up man, you need someone to talk to?", "How you feel today dude? How was your Christmas?", "I know how that feels."
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that shit? What the fuck is anyone supposed to do with that shit? No one actually gives a shit about me. None of you can do anything, it's just not believable.
It's not just this sub either. It's the world. I'm just one of hundreds of thousands of depressed, suicidal people.
And you see people online, beautiful girls on YouTube talking about their mental health issues and all their friends and their fans are there to support them. And they cry a little on camera and people give a shit. They can go hug their friends that they're had since childhood, and write a book about their experiences and wear cute summer dresses and armbands to cover up the scars. They can laugh and they can sing cute songs for the internet.
And everyone things they're so great, so sweet, so innocent. Everyone cares for them, everyone wants to take care of them because they're a cute girl.
Then I'm here. I'm an ugly, skinny fat guy. My hair is greasy, my skin is shit. I've lost all friends I used to have. No one cares. I just wish I was relevant. I wish I wasn't so fucking disposable
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Stuck at work because I can't trust myself not to drive off a cliff I'm so suicidal today and it's only gotten worse. I managed to get through work but I have an hour drive home and that is way too many opportunities to drive my car into/off of something. I want to be home in bed but I can't trust myself to get there. I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
We are halfway through December close to Christmas what are you actually excited for this holiday? If you're like me, holidays suck. I want to know what you're pleasantly happy about.
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self.bipolar
|
Shame = Anxiety? I’ve been journaling my emotions over the past couple months and recently discovered that shame may be at the heart of my anxiety issues.
Just wondering if anyone else has come to the same conclusion and what steps did they take to resolve it (if it is resolvable)?
Edit: here are a couple sites that talk about a possible link between anxiety and shame:
[one](https://www.hopetocope.com/blog/shame-the-other-emotion-in-depression-and-anxiety/)
[two](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3631156/)
[three](https://www.google.com/amp/s/oneshrinksperspective.com/2016/01/03/my-shame-spiral-how-shame-relates-to-depression-anxiety-and-social-anxiety-and-how-to-get-rid-of-it/amp/)
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self.Anxiety
|
How long can I go on It feels like everyday is worse. Reality doesn't feel real. Nothing feels real. It's a dream. I can't wake up. I can see myself clearly sometimes and I realize just how pathetic I am. I am sub human. I feel nothing but frustration at my useless existence. Somebody please wake me up. I don't wanna do this anymore. I hate pretending. I hate lying I hate everything I hate myself I just want this to fucking end. I can't take it anymore. It's driving me mad. I'm fucking terrified of what tomorrow will bring.
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self.depression
|
Ok, this winter break needs to end! This mama is losing it! Constantly serving, cleaning and entertaining...not a single moment alone. Personal space. Ha! Personal hygiene? No time for it. Since this school break started, I have been nothing but a chef, butler and maid. My life is on hold and going nowhere. I can't do anything until school starts back. I am trapped and not alone (ever) and yet lonely. So many things I want to accomplish but all I can do is keep this house running and these kids fed. I'm so damn worthless feeling right now. If my only purpose in life is to be a servant to others, no thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
I think I'm in trouble, It feels like someone is squeezing me, just the life I have and I'm a little Bayard. I can't afford I,insurance and I just want to die.
Why does it hurt this much though.. God I hate this. Ill see you guys later.
Fuck. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being a dice and I'm sorry for the mess, this is so dumb
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self.depression
|
Dropping fake friends, Quitting social media and becoming me About 8 or 9 months ago I quit social media. Basically to make a long story short, I got really depressed based on family problems, not fitting in, and having a lot of drama caused by my so called friends. It came to a point where I felt so shit that I couldn't be bothered waking up, finding my escape through sleep which saw me not eat for 2 days and I had to go to hospital. During that time, my cousin (who had my phone) told me that only 2 people genuinely cared about what happened to me. During this time I realised that I was deluded and that the 99% of people I considered 'friends' were just that. 'friends'. This time period was also during exam time and I couldn't revise or prepare for them at all due to feeling depressed and having no motivation (thank god I did well in them). When I came out of hospital, I decided enough was enough. A few of my close 'friends' figured out I left hospital and instead of asking how I felt or even what happened, just tried to offload all their problems onto me. This really annoyed me and was really important in the long run. Normally whenever I talk to these 'friends' it's me who instigates it, otherwise ntohing happens. So I decided to not message them and see what happens. None of them bothered to message me for weeks, and through snapchat I saw them all having fun together with captions suggesting that they are all they have and that. That really hurt me inside so I decided to just end it. I immediately deactivated my Snapchat account along with all other forms of social media (not including YouTube or Reddit as I actually enjoy them). The next day I got a few messages, not about what happened but why our streak ended. That really annoyed me. During this time the few real friends I had stuck by me, came over a lot and I actually had fun. Real fun. And they all supported me and even deactivated their social medias, and when we met up never touched our phones (unless when parents called). This really made me feel accepted, and let me get involved and express interest in my hobbies and music which I was mocked for by those fake friends. I felt like me if that makes sense...
Fast forward to 2018.
I'm doing really well and feel truly happy and surrounded by a group of friends that all acre about each other. Im doing well in school, have a girlfriend, and enjoy everything I do because I want to do it rather than have to. Also since deleting social media primarily, I've distanced myself from any drama or beef or whatever and that's really good for me.
- I know this isnt structured well and might not make any sense at all, but I wanted to let this go, so I can start 2018 the best way I can, and I hope this can help or give suggestions to someone who is facing soemthing similar or knows someone who is.
Thanks for reading!
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self.offmychest
|
Today I gave in. Tomorrow I'll rise again. Today I just broke down. I felt like in haze, running the same rate race and not being myself anymore. Maybe it was because I missed a Quetiapine dose or maybe cause I didn't slept too well.
Anyways, the question that kept popping in my head was "Who the fuck am I?" and "What the heck am I doing?". Couldn't answer that so I just sort of broke a bit inside and abandoned my self imposed work schedule - if you'll look at my post history you'll see that I'm on a long and dreary path of working to get my ass out of my parents home and get my life together.
I smoked 3 or 4 cigarettes (I sort of quit some monhs ago). I drank 3 glasses of good fresh wine made this year in the back garden. I ate some tasty junk food. I played some good ol' NES games and almost allowed myself to cry.
Fuck it - I deserve it. I would've probably gone mental if not. Tomorrow I'll rise again with hopefully new strength and carry my ass on towards better places.
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self.depression
|
nothing can come of this but i’ll post this i’m 14. yea, edgy teen right haha
honestly i’ve typed like 5 drafts of this and deleted over the course of months but never had the balls to actually post it
my dad and my brother have fought so much it’s not even surprising anymore. i want to talk to someone but can’t because my mom would be supportive but i just can’t talk to her, and my sister would just say it’s stupid
he’s beat the shit out of my sister once but hasn’t really done that since (i dont think) and has hit my brother but stopped a long time ago because he grew to be way stronger and punched him
yea i don’t get hit because i dont talk back and generally when he yells at me i just shut the fuck up until he stops
today they had another fight, over some petty shit because he didnt feed the dog some chicken. my dad attempted to punch my brother and my brother socked him and he fell to the floor, and everyone in the family came down to see what was going on. then they argued some more, and my dad grabbed a glass. ofc my mom took it from his hand and i put it somewhere else.
honestly i don’t feel anything towards my parents, because i barely talk to them heart to heart. my dad is always at work and when i do talk to him its like im talking to another adult (we arent poor we’re pretty well off) and with my mom i’m so fucking fake to her it’s sad. i used to talk back but when i was 12 i kinda stopped caring. i would just do what they said and didn’t say a word, and would always just stay in my room closed off to them. thats probably why i feel like i dont feel anything towards them.
my dad isn’t a monster by the way- if youre thinking that. he’s pretty outgoing to his friends and is actually good when he’s not mad.
sometimes i’ll find my self either crying or being angry because i cant relate to the kids who are close to their parents (yes i know sounds edgy right)
i cant just go to my friends for help because of the culture at school i guess
maybe at some private white school u can just tell ur friends this shit but at a school with primarily black kids (i’m mexican) you can’t really just say that and expect to get people to help u or console you
long as shit but idk just reply i guess
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self.offmychest
|
Finally made an appointment to see a psychiatrist but the soonest I could get an appointment was May 2018, what can I do about my depression until then? I've seen a psychiatrist before but still didn't feel comfortable with her after a year so I quit seeing her. My depression has been getting significantly worse so in late September I decided to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist at my university's hospital, as I've been told they're very good at finding the right medications for people. This is really a last resort though because I do not want to have to take antidepressants again (I've only tried 4, but it takes so long to find out that they don't work). I'm really just hoping that they'll be able to help me find a different treatment option altogether.
But so the appointment isn't until May next year, but my depression keeps worsening and I don't know what to do until then.
I've tried counseling twice, and I just don't think it's really for me. I felt as comfortable with them as I ever feel with anyone, but I hate being put on the spot, and it was like being put on the spot for an hour every week, no matter how many things I had written down/prepared to talk about. It just gave me something else to dread for the whole week, with little benefit.
I know that it can help to have a good support system, but I don't really have one right now. My boyfriend is not good to talk to. He has trouble figuring out what to say because he doesn't want to accidentally make it worse so he doesn't say anything sometimes, and then it just feels like he isn't listening and I end up feeling worse. Also I've recently realized that he's sexually abused me and things are kind of weird right now, getting better though. I have one friend I'd be comfortable talking to about my depression but he's going through a difficult breakup or whatever is happening, so I don't want to bother him with my problems. I just feel so alone right now. I just want to get better.
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self.depression
|
Overwhelmed Lately I've been getting overwhelmed with my living quarters. Since I've been working I get really tired and don't clean all the time. When I have days off I try to spend them with people I love and my SO. That leaves laundry and cleaning to pile up. Since I'm the only one that does it regularly it piles up. Lately I find myself not wanting to do it and forcing myself to so that we have clean things. I get so overwhelmed though and lose it a bit. I feel like this is not normal, especially when other people can just walk up and clean something that I look at and cry. Can anyone relate or do I need to fix something in my brain. Thanks in advance.
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self.bipolar
|
its been going on for so long Hello
How did you understand that something was not ok with you?
I have been feeling sad for like 3 years now. It sometimes fade, but now its only becoming worse. I really cant understand what is going on with me..
home - school - home
its like all i could do, because i feel so tired after even stepping out of my bed. I cant sleep at nights, i have tried all kinds of teas, natural sleep enhancers, nothing really helps. I have tried not sleeping for 24 h just so i could go to bed normally, it didnt work either, i couldnt sleep at night anyway. my grades are getting lower just because im sleepy at school and cant really concentrate.
I cant really find any motivation to get up in the weekdays.
about a year ago I met a boy who means the world to me, he made me so much happier just with his existence, his smile, his jokes
I hadnt told him about my sadness, because i thought that it wouldnt come back again, and as i had expierienced before, everybody just leaves when you tell them that, i dont blame them, but i do miss them.
But then this hit me again. I pushed him away. After that i apologized about that and decided to talk to him about that, because i didnt want to lose him at all. i thought he would try to understand me, understand my emotions, my overreactingand it actually broke me even more. he said that i havent been the positive girl that he met lately, that he doesnt need such negativity in his life.
I dont really want to give up on my life, i could never do that to my mom, shes the only one keeping me alive, but neither i want to just exist
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self.depression
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Struggling at the moment Mum has terminal brain cancer and within 5 months of diagnosis has gone from the mum I know to a former shadow of herself, plus now living in a palliative care home because dad couldn't keep looking after her.
I'm getting bad sleep due to my 16 month old teething at the moment and keeping me awake.
I've lost all interest in my job, but it has great benefits like the money, working from home and being able to spend more time with my kids.
Already on anti depressants, trying to keep myself positive, but I'm just finding that I am lacking any enthusiasm for anything and that I'm feeling very flat.
No thoughts of suicide, just needing to get it off my chest.
edit: throw away account because I don't want this on my permanent record ;)
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self.depression
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What's the name of the app I see posted here all the time that tracks moods? All the ones I find I hate. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Does therapy/psychiatry work for you? What kind of therapy is it? Do meds work? Just curious. I've never gone to therapy because I don't know if I could commit, and I haven't tried meds yet. But I'm curious how it goes for other people. Personally, I'm strongly considering meds without the therapy. Do they work? Any strange side effects? Any insight or experiences you've had are welcome.
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self.depression
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Think I stopped caring about other people today... As in I just carried out my shopping tasks without being extremely paranoid about everyone staring at and judging me. I was still really nervous when paying for my items, but was generally OK I think.
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self.Anxiety
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Fighting Apathy I feel that expressing my mind to friends, family, counselors and therapists has never brought me the satisfaction or closure that I think I need, so I'm trying something new by writing about what's recently been keeping my mind busy in a clear, concise manner to the Internet. I believe that I've been experiencing varying degrees of apathy over the course of 6 years now.
I'm going to start with a rundown of some recent major events from my life.
A few months ago, my second long-term girlfriend (let's call her *S*) dumped me. I don't date often because I've always figured that I should work on loving myself before I can allow myself to love others. Though if a relationship falls into my lap, I won't turn it down - good things generally come to me when I stop looking for them and I try to remember that the world owes me nothing. Getting back on track, let me summarize the reason *S* broke up with me. When we first started dating, she claims that she had never really liked herself, but over the course of our time together, she found that I inadvertently taught her to love herself for the first time in her life. The caveat to this however, was that she felt like she only had place to love one person in her life at a time, meaning that yours truly was out of the game. I didn't say a word during the break-up and stayed relatively stoic while she cried. Once it was over, I told her that I was happy for her and that I had my suspicions of how she was feeling from the beginning of our relationship to the end. I then got up from the bench we were sitting on and left to go take a bus home feeling somewhat sad, proud, alone, happy and empty.
A week later, my best friend (let's call her *P*) lost her battle with cancer. I, her friends and her husband all knew that her two-year timeframe was nearing its end around this time, so it wasn't at all unexpected. I won't ever forget where I was and what I was doing when I got the call to come back to my hometown when *P* passed, but I'll remember even more so the importance and inspiration *P* had and brought in my life. We met when she extended her friendship at a summer job where I knew absolutely no one. Since then, we were inseparable. To make a long story short, she and I went through thick and thin together, knowing that we could rely on and confide into each other at any time.
If you've read up till here, I appreciate that you've kept up with me this far.
I've suffered from diagnosed depression for about 5 years now with the end sometimes feeling so close and at other times nonexistent. I'd be lying if I told you that I never felt anger in the aftermath of these events. *P* had so much to give in life (more than I do, certainly) and was just on the brink of beginning a new chapter of her life with her recently-wed husband. I've felt like I ended up used by *S* in her human quest for self-acceptance, but I try to focus on the beautiful fact that I was able to heal someone on this magnitude despite the fact that I didn't get the same opportunity. I miss them both terribly.
Circumstances in our lives cause *S* and me to cross paths very often in social settings, making it extremely difficult to properly move on without resorting to feelings of bitterness and resentment on both our parts despite us mutually expressing interest in remaining friends at multiple moments. I wish I had *P* here to talk to about this, but I don't. *P* and *S* were the only people in my life that I could spend time with indefinitely without needing a break, so I don't feel properly relieved when confiding in anyone else despite how much we might care for each other.
I've opted to making myself numb to a lot of my life lately - a coping mechanism I'm quite acquainted with. I'm not suicidal, but I've yearned for the feeling of not having to think anymore. When I consider the scales as to whether existing is worth it anymore, I realize that I have experienced true love and true happiness, ultimately pushing me to believe that I would be okay with not existing anymore. I realize that life holds the potential for more of the aforementioned, but I think am okay with missing out on it if I also miss out on loneliness and unhappiness. I've only ever told this to counselors and doctors, which has been helpful, but I feel as if I am at my rope's end with no motivation to take any action at all.
I realize the irony in the previous sentence as this post is an example of me taking action and so I'll conclude with a request for suggestions on how to regain motivation to exist. I genuinely do want to get better.
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self.depression
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