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I have a plan, the means, the opportunity, and the desire to cease my daily struggle. My struggle probably does not resemble yours or may seem slight to many who struggle. People have done things to me but the worst physical harm ended in high school. My struggle is such that I desire to achieve well, not just for myself but for others - Give my all, if you will. I believe each next day should and can be easier, more productive, and happier than each day prior. Unrealistic? Probably but that's who I am and those are my goals.
Unfortunately I fail daily. I fall into traps at work: "Speak up if you have a better way. We want people to notice what needs improving and how to improve." Well, I do this. Not one employer has implemented or applauded my observations nor my feasible solutions.
Essentially, I feel trapped, constrained, and pressured by the sense to give up my desire to improve and accept mediocrity with my life. I am not designed to accept mediocrity.
I've visited a few counselors. Each has turned me away - well, except one. She turned over my file to an ex girlfriend who attempted to use my words against me in a civil trial. I wasn't the defendant. I was the plaintiff. She owed me ~$30,000 by a contract she drafted. I figure I lost $100,000 in income and much more in lost opportunities and time.
Another ex-gf uses popular dating sites to post mean things about me. Some are false and some are true. I broke up with her in 2011. Yes, six years later she continues to harm me online.
My work requires significant use of computers - with which I am capable and enjoy using computers. My boss's requirements are so great that I am unable to keep pace or reduce my errors. I've noted and documented factual reasons for my less than required performance but each fact is dismissed, saying I have to overcome the system's limitations. FYI, any one project can require 60 to 80 minutes and I'm assigned 20 projects per day. How do I fit possibly 20 hours' work into eight hours? Not one of their "experienced pros" has been able to see anything substantially wrong with my effort or speed. Each "failure" requires another meeting which lasts 30 to 60 minutes and therefore reduces available time to complete that day's assignments. It's a circular reference where I'm being set up to lose.
This job is the first where I've received benefits since 2003. Unfortunately, I'm "behind" in my work and cannot take time to make a medical appointment. And if I were to attend an appointment, I would have to include the assignments I missed in the next day's work.
I wrote to the president of the company, as he instructed during the new employee orientation. A few weeks passed before he "happened" to visit the employee lounge area while only I was in the room. He said he passed my letter on to HR and that he and his family had finally reserved their preferred location for the New Year holiday in Hilton Head. (He had also approved the REDUCTION of pay for all new people in my position because that was the only solution he and the HR team saw to reduce ongoing extremely high turnover.) How does REDUCING pay REDUCE turnover? That's my company's logic.
My most recent girlfriend broke up with me via text stating she "had to attend a NYE party (2017)" yet didn't mention it or think to include me. She later texted, "I don't have a reasonable response." That's all the explanation she's provided.
My mother assists but she does not desire a relationship with me. I have no siblings. I have no friends. I have no addictions other than learning, doing, and helping. I exercise and eat healthy. I am not unattractive.
It not that I cannot survive. It's that the effort costs too much emotionally and the odds of success are too low. Though I am capable, trustworthy, and honest, I rarely "fit" at work. The math for my successful future does not work. Perhaps you've heard a friend proclaim, "Let me know if you need anything?" I've heard that I have inquired, "Hey, do you know someone who can help me find a job...?" Silence.
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King, Jr. Coincidentally, my birthday was his birthday.
The place I've chosen is public but it's very quiet, and it's highly likely no one will be around to notice me at all. The method I've chosen does not require pills, weapons, nor rope. I plan to disappear. My next steps are to ensure my accounts have a beneficiary and I remove as much junk from my home to reduce the work required of my mother. So much good stuff that just won't sell is truly a shame.
I have two cats. I think I'll board them at the vet - prepaid of course and give them mother's contact information to pick them up in a week. That will ensure I will have not been found and she won't have to see me again. A week without contact is normal. She doesn't enjoy spending time with me nor I with her. My car will be found but if all goes well, they will have no idea where to look. Rain will have removed my steps. Will have been kidnapped? Murdered? Lost? Drown? All good questions but none of these are the correct answer. Only the car key I leave will lead to the correct conclusion.
All I've wanted is good people with whom to be great friends and I have failed. I am tired of failing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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A little life advice? Hello... so. You are probably wondering, "Huh, I wonder what this kid wants?" Eh, I've been asking myself the same thing recently. Essentially, I am alone. I have no one who I trust on this planet. I have attempted suicide before, at a real low point for me (around 2 years ago), but obviously didn't pull through. Before that point I had also been cutting. After that point I did the ol' proverbial, "Fuck it" and since then I have been abusing marijuana to its extent, especially recently. This has brought me new friends, and a distraction/escape from my reality, but I still feel like a piece of shit when I'm not high. At this point, you ponder, "What has caused this in his life?" Well, I honestly don't have a good explanation. My parents have never been extremely loving or caring, but they care about my future and I believe they love me (though not shown to obviously). They press and stress me out a lot about my grades, as they see college as an important next step into any career, and want me to get into a good one. I don't see the importance in school, my future, or anything else. I feel like a floating orb in space, not touching or impacting anything, just floating. The monotomy of my life currently drives me insane, and the lack of interest that I show in anything (basically besides playing games, and smoking) astounds me. Was a born with the "lazy" gene? But on a grander scale, what is my purpose? How can I make a happy life for myself (and what makes me happy)? I'm a lone right now /r/depression, and I'm wondering: Is this normal? I've always told myself that it's probably just teen angst, so is it? Am I depressed?
TL;DR: I am very alone, and am unsure whether I am normal
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self.depression
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I’m at the lowest point I’ve been been, and have absolutely not motivation to make it better. [deleted]
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self.depression
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anyone else with a chronic illness had to move back in with a parent who abused them throughout childhood cos you can't support yourself? spent so much of childhood holding onto the fact that I'd one day be able to leave & now I'm aged 24 & back living here due to being unable to work. Fuck my entire fucking existence. Seriously just fuck it all.
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self.depression
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My second time posting here Why do I even bother? I think I deleted my last post because of how much it humiliated me. I've consider wether or not to kill myself every day for the past four+ years. I spent nearly three years in an abusive relationship. Emotionally abused daily, recodvif nothing but a torrent of bullying and humiliation from my ex. I was constantly made to feel grotesque for being half white. If I yelled back, I'd be pushed or get a slap to the face. Sometimes he'd break my things in front of me. My entire life was dedicated to taking care of him. I felt humiliated and degraded.
We never had any physical or romantic contact, he'd never say anything positive to me, and towards the end, he'd address me in male pronouns. Only women who were fully Asian were considered actual women to him.
I think about it every day. He was so sweet to me at first. He was my best friend in the whole world and after a year of a very platonically loving friendship, I decided that I wanted to be in a romantic relationship. I loved him deeply and wanted to be his wife. Within around nine months of our relationship, he turned on me and the abuse only got worse from there.
We broke up two years ago and I've been alone since then. I started working from home last August and I've been afraid of social interaction. I only leave to go to the gym or get groceries and I don't talk to anyone. I don't trust anyone else anymore and I'm scared everyone sees me as an ugly monster. I'm alone in this apartment most of the time, I haven't had a friend in a couple years; I lost them while in my last relationship. I'm so lonely. Every minute of the day I'm reminded that I'm less of a person because of my race. I wish I was never born. I'll never be happy again.
I miss my family. I hardly get to see them. My mother brothers don't live nearby. My father died ten years ago. In two months, my mother is having major surgery done. I've looked into it and there's over 30% mortality rate for women her age, 50% significant complications. If she died, I'm ending my life without hesitation.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Killing myself March 26th After much consideration I am going to kill myself on March 26th... two weeks after my coworker leaves and leaving no note for anyone so people won't feel responsible. I already have the means to do so.
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self.SuicideWatch
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To my wife To my wife...
.
.
Your beautiful face,
I breathe in memories of the smile you once had for me and it fills my lungs with hope.
Hope carried by my blood through my veins and into my soul.
Like a bat I send out my signal,
“I love you…”
I await its return, the echo that navigates me through my day.
Nothing.
“I love you”,
“I love you”, a thousand times more I shout into your darkness,
Your silence returns as a thousand angry daggers, invisible in the black abyss.
The blades rend flesh and spirit, and though I am bloodied and weak, I stand.
Clinging to life, I smile.
“I’m okay”
“I’m okay”, a thousand times more I say to myself.
The peaceful repetition attempts to soothe my being, fighting back against the crashing waves of would-be tears.
The tide swells and calms, slowly eroding the bedrock of my faux defenses, and I crumble to the ground.
“I’m sorry”
“I’m sorry”, a thousand times more I cry out.
The words tiptoe to your ear in vain, as the burning eruption of your anger turns them to ash.
The molten rage slams into my ocean of tears, and encompasses me in a cage of obsidian.
Clawing back at your rage I try to hold on, but the heat is too much to hold on to, and I being to sink.
Down
Down I fall farther into the abyss of my own sorrow.
Searching for hope I close my eyes and try to remember your beautiful face,
And the smile it once had for me.
But it’s gone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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You ever feel like you know one day that you're gonna take your own life. You have suicidal thoughts currently, but you still have some hope that life will get better so you push on, but you know it won't. You just tell yourself that to pretend to have a reason to live. You don't know when.....but you know you're gonna eat a bullet one of these days.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to call bullshit Friends say I'm good at music. I'm mediocre at best, so I want to call bullshit. Friends say I'm good at singing. Even autotune can't fix my voice, so I want to call bullshit. Friends say I'm good at art. At photography. At talking to people. I want to call bullshit.
But that would be saying that their opinions are invalid. That would be saying I don't trust them. And I can't lost them. They're all I have left, all I have to keep me from killing myself.
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self.depression
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ADHD and Bipolar Disorder Hey, I need some support right now. I’m on meds for BPD but don’t take anything for ADHD and am anxious about taking meds/not sure how long it will take to get them/pessimistic about if they will work.
I’ve taken adderall before and it made me wildly manic. I don’t want that to happen again. Do some stimulants make you manic while others don’t? That feels counter intuitive but I’m guessing there are lots of people with bpd and ADHD.
Anyways, I’d be down for advice and support and kindness rn.
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self.bipolar
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[NAW]I just want everyone to hate me I just want everyone to hate me so that nobody misses me when I'm gone. These people don't deserve the shit I'm putting them through. No one ever deserved it. Both my exes didn't, my family didn't, my friends didn't. So far, most have left. But my family, they're the greatest people in this whole world. They're not going anywhere. I don't want to hurt them anymore. I'm an unfix able mess. Nothing works. Meds don't work, therapy doesn't do jackshit. I suppose, life just isn't for everyone. Sometimes I wish I could just go up to someone who is terminally ill and take over their sickness, so they could go on and live a great life, which I'm sure they would. It's not fair for them, I'm completely healthy and here I am, wasting my life away doing nothing all day, just hurting people.
I don't want to die, I just don't want to wake up anymore.
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self.offmychest
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I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde I'm not suicidal, though I am afraid of becoming so.
During my childhood I had temper tantrums which was so severe that I could be expelled from school. The tantrums went away when I got to high school, but now at age 19, they are slowly coming back. I no longer get them in public, but in private. I get anxious that my loved ones won't interact with me anymore because I get so mad so easily. I switch between caring and mean in seconds, and I'm scared..
If this is the wrong subreddit, feel free to remove this; but I'm questioning my life as it is. I'm never truly free from myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Eye tricks/seeing movement in peripheral - signs of anxiety? Hello!
Has anyone ever experienced eye tricks or seeing movement from their peripheral vision? Today at work, I experienced this 3 or 4 times. It’s never happened before. The first time it happened today, I shrugged it off, but as it kept happening I grew concerned. It looks like one of my coworkers are passing by & walking away from me, but when I turned to view them nothing is there.
My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia 10 years ago. I was always scared of having it also, and I’m hoping these aren’t hallucinations.
I saw that it could be a sign of anxiety. I’ve felt fine today but the past two days have been rough. I can also have some intense mood changes and am thinking about multiple things simultaneously.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression (I’m not consistently depressed so I don’t think it’s fitting), GAD, and social anxiety. I’m on 50mg sertraline and have been since October. It’s helped tremendously with social anxiety but I think GAD is creeping back up on me.
Thanks to any input!
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self.Anxiety
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DAE have loud thoughts arguing in your head during episodes? Thanks to Lamictal, I haven't been hearing them for awhile. But I used to hear it all the time. The voices are not external, it's like say... Me talking in my head? But the voices talking in my head do not sound like me (they have distinct voices if that makes sense?) and I've somehow managed to convince myself that they don't belong to me.
They would be yapping on and on, annoying the shit out of me. I used to have to tell them to STFU--but they wouldn't ALWAYS listen. Once, one of them became angry and started screaming at me. I oddly felt the screaming in my ear for once. That was super weird.
They went away after my Lamictal started to kick up. I really have no idea WTF any of that shit was. They were all super bitchy and would try to make me do stupid ass shit like bang my head on the wall. I thought for years it was OCD, but if it is OCD, why would it go away with Lamictal?
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self.bipolar
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I can't start new relationships/friendships I'm an introvert. I think that I'm not antisocial, because I actually like the company of my friends, and I can talk with them for hours everyday and it still isn't enough for me.
Anyway,
starting new relationships is killing me. I just can't come up to someone and introduce myself. It just isn't possible for me. But even if some people would begin talking to me, I would be picky af. I just don't like fake people or people who try to talk about some stupid things all the time (I hate small talk)
I also don't have a great sense of humor. I like puns and wordplay. I used to like dark humor very much, but I've got rid of it. I felt bad when laughing at some bad things and because it was a big part of my character, getting rid of it made me more... Dull. But I don't regret this, although some people think I'm boring because of that.
I spend most time alone because of that I live in a small town and most of my acquaintances live something about 20 miles away from me, and my best friend ever lives something about 125 miles away. I like books, I like learning new things, I like watching and making movies, I play guitar and I try to develop new passions and hobbies all the time, but my social skills sucks. I'm very demotivated, because people from my school... Uh. I like some of them, but I feel that they won't be good as friends. Because I won't be able to open up to them. They just don't think as I do. I mean... If I start talking about art, they wait until I stop talking and after that they start to talk about sport or any other thing that I don't like. I understand that everybody is different, but I just can't find a group of people who will enjoy the things that I do. It's killing me, because there are very few people that actually talk about topics that are interesting to me or something.
I should adapt to them to make it work, but I don't want to change myself. I like the way I am, but still I have no idea how to find people who will be similar to me. I just don't care about people who don't have any aspirations, dreams and deep thoughts. And I am surrounded by those people. (or they just seem being like this) I feel lonely af, also nobody seems to like me for no reason, even if I try to be friendly and helpful all the time. I don't know if something is wrong with my looks (people say that I look pretty handsome, so I don't think that that's the reason) or with my deep voice, or with that I cover my mounth when laughing, or with me being boring, or with that I'm just not cool enough or something else. I'm just tired, because I only talk to very few people who I know for many years. I still love them as a friends and I wouldnt replace them with anyone else, but I just need someone who will hang out with me from time to time. I don't know, I'm lonely af after I broke up with my girlfriend 6 months ago (although it was worth it, because she was always sensitive and made me feel bad about myself)
I'm worried that I will spend the summer alone, I won't go to prom and I won't have a big birthday party on my 18th birthday. (last time I was invited to a party was... 7 years ago)
I just want to meet some people that I will get along with, people that define "friendship" as something that really matters and people that have common interests with me and people who just aren't fake and people that I could trust 100%.
I'm tired
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self.Anxiety
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New friend is a narcissist, which is driving me insane. I (M) met this girl last summer. We're on the same page in that we just want to be friends, nothing romantic or "benefits". Being not so outgoing introvert, I don't have/want many friends, so I end up hanging out with her at least once every week or two; which is a lot for me. I've actually enjoyed her company and have met couple of new good friends through her.
But overtime here's what I come to realize and now starting to bother me: she only cares about talking about herself and doesn't bother listening. On top of that she doesn't even hide it. Usually when we are having conversation, I try my best to listen to her problems/happiness etc, and also give some of my input. But when I talk about my stuff she always either say "Good for you", or straight "I don't care." At first I though these were just sarcastic jokes, but now I realize she is just being plain rude, whether intentional or not. However, when I ask, talk about her, the conversation flows.
I appreciate that she trusts me enough to talk all about her stuff (or just enjoys attention), but God dam if she gives me those same replies then I will tell her straight up she is being rude and does not bother listening to me. I might even consider if this friendship is worth keeping depending on her reaction.
Well wanted to ask question, get some outside insight, but ended up being a vent. Thanks for reading
tl:dr - Friend only talks about herself, but gives rude one sentence replies like "Good for you" or "I don't care" when I talk about myself or my story.
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self.offmychest
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Fucking idiot confessed in love to the only internet friend [deleted]
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self.depression
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I MADE IT TO STAR WARS!!! This was a huge accomplishment for me. Last time I made it to the theater was 2 years ago for force awakens. It's sucked cause I'm a pretty big movie guy and always waiting for dvd release is no fun. It wasnt easy sitting through the movie I'm gonna be honest there were times I wanted leave but I would've felt terrible to have to ask my dad to leave early (he's a big star wars fan). I stuck it out and really enjoyed it in the end!
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self.Anxiety
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Why is it so hard for something so simple as conversations with other human beings? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anyone else feel like your family is better off without you? I feel like I'm a burden to them and I wish I'd never been born.
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self.depression
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Alone in college, feeling hopeless after years (long post) [deleted]
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self.depression
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After doing a couple of tests on therapy appointment the result is - I don't have any disorders. But I worry a lot, all the time to the point that I freak out, obsess which makes everyone around me mad. What should I tell my therapist? "I think you're wrong, I believe I do suffer from anxiety and need to work on it"? Also, I'm not doing very well at my studies because of the mix of my low self esteem and constant worrying - I study, something triggers me or I have a random thought that worries me to the max, I start obsessing, feel something heavy and cold in my guts and can't think properly anymore and that's it - I'm over with studying. It happened a couple of times, that I was so anxious that I couldn't concentrate on anything. Did any of you get a note from your therapist or something to show it to your teacher and explain why your results are so bad and that maybe they could treat you differently, knowing that you suffer from anxiety and can't do so well because of it?
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self.Anxiety
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Endless spiral of ruining a relationship w/ depression/bipolar? I had a horrible feeling yesterday after my girlfriend told me she's worried if she's able to take care of me. I can logically conclude that we've both had a positive impact in each other's lives. She has mild depression and anxiety, which seems to be exaggerated now that she's on birth control. I have bipolar, and while meds have helped stabilize me, I still have some pretty harsh depressive episodes. We're both undertaking proper treatment, and the majority of the time only one of us is struggling, and the other can properly support.
But I can't help but worry that I'm going to start bringing her down. My pdoc told me the other day (and he's told me before, but it really hit hard) that bipolar will never go away, we're just aiming to reduce the frequency and intensity of the episodes, with therapy to help with techniques of getting through the episodes. I'm happy that she's getting better, but I'm worried that it won't be enough since I never fully will. I was actually on the other side of this in my first relationship, and broke up with my ex because we were just bringing each other down.
How can I stop feeling this way, which I worry will turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy?
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self.bipolar
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Lamictal rash after a year? Now, I know you guys ARE NOT DOCTORS. I'm not seeking medical advice, but wonder if anyone has developed a lamictal a while after you started taking it? I haven't increased my dosage in a very long time, the only thing I've done recently is add lithium...it's very strange. I suppose it could be a variety of things! I'm getting myself an appointment to see a doctor today. But yeah, very strange indeed!
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self.bipolar
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TFW You're springing out of a depression I think I may have single handedly started a Cheese Board Club among my friends.
Yay?
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self.bipolar
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I accidentally joined the army It wasn’t actually an accident, but I signed the contract six months ago and I leave in two weeks to start my three year contract. I have a problem with not really thinking things all the way through, and when I signed I just figured I would cross the bridge when I got there, and I’m just freaking now I guess. Someone should talk to me though, my friends aren’t real people unless there drunk and I’m tired of drinking and just want to have an actual conversation.
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self.offmychest
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Here it comes Sleepless - check
Hopeless -check
Crying for no damn reason - check
Overwhelming sense that something horrible is going to happen - check
No energy - Yup, check
Total lack of interest in anything at all - check
Welcome back depression. It's all downhill from here. I was enjoying a nice normal phase for all of two weeks after mania. It's only a matter of time before the suicidal ideation starts back up.
I'm tired of it already and it's only just begun. Oh and extra bonus, first Christmas since my children were born where I won't be with them, can't visit them, all I can do is call them once a day at a very specific time and half the time one of them is asleep. So bipolar mixed with terrible life depression. Oh what the hell.
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self.bipolar
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I finally got over my war weariness. And slept the night away! A victory ha! Suck it Putin!
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self.Anxiety
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How do you self-sabatoge? I called out of work today and now I'm currently at my local Buffalo Wild Wings, getting drunk, battling a 12 year-old girl in digital trivia, eating 16 hot wings that will surely burn my asshole later.
How do you self-sabatoge when you're depressed?
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self.depression
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I’m severely overweight and I hate the fat acceptance movement... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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i have a lot, most people have a little. to me what i have is a little. i wanna die. a cop pulled me over & let me go i drive drunk for 1000 miles. waiting. where's the ice on the highway? i dont want to take anyone else with me. im just trying to lose to the odds
well here i am, drunk as shit, and i survived the cops. i was drunk as shit, and if the cop didn't like me i guess i'd be in jail or with a 5k+ ticket
anyway
im higher
im alive
i want to be dead but this isn't just depression. anyway
still going.
drinking 24/7, making money, wanting to die so bad. i hate this life. everyone is suffering. if you do good? guess what, you're only reminded how bad everyone else is. and if you cr about that, what kinda person are you. well. im dying too ok? im dying too
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've made myself proud this week I lost my job a month ago. It's been horrific to say the least. With my anxiety and panic and depression, I have just spiraled into darkness.
But. This week I have pushed myself. After 4 weeks of sleeping all day and doing fuck all during the night, I got up at 8am and took my niece to school two mornings in a row. Yesterday I went to the gym after dropping her off and did some other errands and stayed awake all day doing things and looking after my nieces.
Today I got up at 8, made my bed, got dressed and BRUSHED MY TEETH, and after dropping her off at school I am sat in a cafe with my laptop applying to jobs. I've applied for 7 in the past two hours.
It feels so so good to see and enjoy daylight and I still have this urge to crawl back into my dark bed but I am pushing myself to stay out. This is my victory against this disease this week.
Rock on and much love x
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self.depression
|
I don't see a point in living Hey. So, a whole bunch of things have happened to me recently. I moved out of my dad's (I'm in high school still and it's awkward, cause I can't just split from the rest of my extended family), while my mom is an alcoholic, albeit a functioning one. It's not like she beats me or anything now, but when she used to get drunk she would verbally abuse me, and I just fucking hate seeing her drink, it makes me really really on edge. She tries to conceal it, too, but it's pretty obvious when you've had to be aware of it most of your life. I can't talk to her about it either, just 'cause I'm barely hanging on as it is. I just can't bring another problem on the table.
I also am probably getting rid of my horse and I'm not sure if I'll have the financial means to get another one. I know that sounds like the stupidest problem, but horses are my biggest passion, and I've put everything I have into learning to train them and raise them. My goal is to raise them for a living and become an Olympic rider. I've been doing it most of my life, and in some other depressive periods, it's what kept me going, and really the only reason I had to live.
I guess the pile up of everything has triggered another depressive episode. I don't know. I do know I want to die. There's not much stopping me, and there's nothing to hang on for. If you're gonna say family or something along those lines, not to be brash, but I don't care. People are not a good reason to keep living, because over time, things change, and they're just not reliable. I've got one person who I might want to keep living for, but the happiness I feel with them doesn't compare to how much I fucking hate living on other days. Everything just feels so fake and not real and so...not worth it. Like everything is used up and so forseeable and why would I continue living for that? It's a weird sense to describe, but just the idea that nothing is real, not like, not real in this plane, but not genuine. So the feeling nothing is genuine. Like I look out over a beautiful sunset or something that used to really make me happy just to notice it, and I feel nothing. I spent 5 hours the other night contemplating a plan for suicide, and I know what I'd do. I don't really want to die but I don't know what to do next.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Need urgent advice I'm a long time lurker. But right now I need advice. I am trying to be good to everyone and at the same time be functional but when taking all the shit iv got to be cool with it ain't working. Unfortunately drink and drugs help me do it. I know it's not a viable long term solution but it's the only means by which I can stop the more negative feelings tacking over. I will go into more details once I actually sober up. I have been in a bad period and ended up drinking an absolute shitload and doing a bit of fair quality cocaine to keep me feeling comfortable around others and (what I seem even though I understand is not real) confident. However I have to be awake in two and a half hours. Apart from being shitfaced I'm in one of those modes when your head can't shut the fuck up. Shall I stay up and possibly do bumps of coke to get through it or sleep for an hour an ans a half and give it a go. I'm thinking short term only here and I want to apologisese for being an absolute idiot. I just don't know what's good for me logistically at the minute. Sorry guys. When it's over I'm gonna start on here but right now I don't the know what I should do. There is no way I'm out if it.
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self.depression
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I cannot function anymore I have lots of responsibilities. So many people are depending on me, but I don't seem to find the motivation to care anymore. I haven't talked to my real-life friends, my phone doesn't take calls, I don't open emails. In fact, later on there will be a meeting that I should be attending but I have no plans to. It's like I'm so unmotivated. What is the point of life anyway?
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self.depression
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Constant war Suicide just seems more and more like the optimal solution. My potential has degraded at such an alarming rate, and I was oblivious to its spiral. I don't know if I'm capable of a worthwhile existence anymore.
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self.depression
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I have nowhere else to post this. My explanation for my suicide inside. Hello everyone.
I have had a moment of clarity recently. I’ve decided that there is only one solution to my issues, and I guess you know what it is: suicide. I feel quite relieved that soon this can all be over. My parents keep abusing me but I don’t mind anymore. It will only be a few days. I am coming up with a plan.
Thanks for the help over the past few weeks,
~ S
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self.SuicideWatch
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Applying for Disability for Bipolar. Has anyone had success? if so, can you walk me through the process/ what I would need to do. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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How can I help a friend that has stress? My friend has stress, and he's a really young guy. I can see that this stress is interfeiring in his health, and I would like to do something to help. Any suggestions?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hello friendsss :) it could get rlly good or rlly worse Sometimes life is a rollercoaster huh? Fuck. I'm so like, on a rollercoaster of stuff now. My emotions are changing. Don't you ever feel like, you can't feel happy without the feeling of being sad? Doesn't it just hit you? Hit like, deep into you? Alcohol makes me so sad.. Which makes me happy... I don't know. I have nightmares... Save me.. I'm due to see the psychiatrist soon. Hope i don't die. Fuck life. It fucking sucks man. Why can't I die. But then again, don't we all crave.. Something more? Good night :)) sweet dreams and stay strong,...
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self.depression
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Health anxiety Hey everyone! I’m new to this sub, and I’m hoping I can receive some support/advice? Idk really.
A little background, I’ve had anxiety my whole life. I don’t even remember a time when I didn’t have it.
Over the years it’s changed its focus and now that I’m getting older it’s on my health.
I never really used to worry about my health how I do now.
Currently in bed dealing with a stomach flu (at least that’s what I think it is) and of course my mind goes to “it’s probably your appendix” because once I feel a twinge of pain of course that’s the rational thing to think.
I talked to my friend about it and she told me I’d KNOW if I had it.
I can still eat, go to the washroom, move around, but it’s just when I lay down there’s some cramping and pain in my stomach. From the left to right side.
I’m so scared it’s my appendix but I’m trying to tell myself I’m overreacting. I don’t have any of the other symptoms.
My doctor ordered a blood test (unrelated to this) if I go tomorrow and get my blood taken would they be able to spot anything wrong?
I’m sorry this is so long I just really could use some support or something.
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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When I turn 32, my depression will attribute for 50% of my life, at that point, I no longer cease to exist.. That's even if I make it that far.. Currently am at 28.57%
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self.depression
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As an add on to another post. People who finally are on the right medications and doing well or those still trying to find the right meds, what is it like trying to find the right meds? What things did you experience/ go through? I was just diagnosed this November on the 14th with bipolar and ptsd. I haven't even started on any medications yet and am really worried about what is to come with trying to find the right ones. So I just want to hear what other people have gone through and felt during this process, good or bad.
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self.bipolar
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I did it! I deal with very bad anxiety as a side effect of my bipolar disorder. But today I overcame it without my medication! I didn't think it was going to be that crowded but my family and I took our daughter to the Christmas party for the kids in our county. They said 155 kids plus over 100 adults there today at the Moose lodge. It was crazy it was overwhelming but I handled it! I'm pretty happy about that! My husband is glad I went he knows me and crowds and people I don't know. I just thought I'd give y'all who also deal with anxiety some hope if it feels overwhelming. You CAN do it!
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self.bipolar
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Was prescribed Adderall to treat my ADHD, and my anxiety problem seems to have gone away. But... For about three or more years I was unable to hold a steady job, other than giving a couple music lessons out at the college. I would get the worst anxiety attacks, intense to the point where I could not think. Most jobs I tried lasted hours, or a few weeks if I was taking Ativan at the time. I eventually had to go on disability, and did not attempt to get a job for quite a while after that.
All that changed about 2-3 months ago. I often complained to my psychiatrist that I was unable to focus, and I thought my meds were making me feel cloudy and slow, and I often had trouble focusing. She said that nothing I was taking would really cause the problems I described, so I let it go and just made do. After a while, though, I started thinking about my ADHD diagnosis when I was young. ADHD meds used to make me quite depressed as a young kid, so much so that I had to take an anti-depressant to counteract them. Around my teenage years, the bi-polar diagnosis happened and the ADHD meds were dropped.
It crossed my mind that adult me (now in my mid-thirties) might respond differently to ADHD medication, and that my ADHD had not been addressed at all since I was perhaps 13 or 14. Could I benefit from one? Maybe it wouldn't have such a depressive effect anymore. After years of adjustments to my mood stabilizers doing nothing, I figured it might be worth a shot.
I brought it up with my psychologist, and she agreed that addressing my ADHD might be a good idea. To my surprise, she prescribed me Adderall.
So...wow. The anxiety was immediately gone. I actually felt confident. After years of unemployment, I finally had the courage to get a part time job, and have been doing very well there for almost three months now. On top of that, it seems to have counteracted my ravenous Seroquel-fueled appetite. I was able to start a diet and more or less keep to it. I eat when I'm hungry, and eat sensibly. In these few months I may have lost 15-20 pounds.
But.
I am very aware of Adderall's reputation for abuse, and have read a lot about how dangerous it can be when not taken responsibly, or even *when* taken responsibly. Though I do have a concern for my health, the concern most on my mind is how dependent I am on it for my life to function. If the Adderall keeps working for me like it has, I have no doubt that I'll be off disability and supporting myself within a year. Now that I'm finally able to do things with some confidence, I have taken a lot of opportunities I otherwise would not have. But if I am ever taken off this med, I have the feeling that everything I am currently building will quickly fall apart. If I were to forget to get a refill one month, or lose my bottle, the results would be disastrous.
And honestly, sometimes it feels like I am cheating. I'm getting my life back on track, I'm feeling good about myself, but the foundation feels shaky. Maybe, after all this time, I just don't trust feeling this well. Adderall seems too good to be true, and I'm expecting the rug to be pulled out from under me at any time.
So, my question. For those who have had experiences with Adderall or are currently taking it: Can I trust this drug? Is it safe to build a new life, one that I never could have before, and count on one med to keep that life going long-term? Many negative things have been said about Adderall, and with the rampant abuse, I can't say I'm surprised. But for a grown adult, taking it responsibly, can it be an answer for me?
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self.bipolar
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Long term term solution for GAD I don't want to keep taking Valium. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm 17 and it feels like I'm in the body of an 80 year old. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Honestly, i don't know if it's worth it anymore. I wake up, there's only fucking trouble and chaos around me, all of my family members are suffering from anxiety and depression, things only look worse by the day.
My dad told us how he doesn't care if he dies tomorrow on christmas eve... i don't know, maybe this post is coming out as confusing or chaotic but the reality is...
I don't know if it's worth holding it or living anymore, i'm not suicidal but i need to fucking vent, 'cause i'm fucking going crazy, i cant fucking sleep at night, and when i do, i feel fucking sad the whole fucking day.
I fucking hate myself.
All this shit because we can't fucking return home, and we're here because is ny fucking fault.
Fuck this shit.
And every fucking time im around people i just dont know why i put on this fucking mask, a fucking emotional mask, i pretend like im happy and im having fun when really im fucking dying on the inside, im tired, im fucking tired of living, im tired of money, im tired of problems, the only thing i want right now is a pack of cigs and absolute silence and peace.
So there, there is my fucking rant.
Sorry for all the "fucks".
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self.depression
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Any other bipolar ladies have a hellish psychological meltdown right before/first day of their cycle? Every month around that time I have a 1-2 day mini depression from hell. It happens so consistently that I even have an alert that goes off on my phone a few days prior to remind me to be aware of it. This helps because before I had no idea why it would happen, at least now I have a mantra that these feeling aren’t really what I feel...these feeling will go away...you just need to find a way to survive them. It is seriously all my worst moments from a full length multi month bipolar depression crammed into one day with the added joy of panic attacks and desperately wanting to escape my own body.
Anyone else? If so, any helpful advice? Should I have my hormones looked at too?
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self.bipolar
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After telling my mother i was sexually abused as a child [deleted]
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self.depression
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Just wanted to share and know your experience with these meds Previously i went to p doc told him i think i have bipolar https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/7vl603/i_gathered_courage_and_went_to_psychiatrist/?st=JDR9VFL3&sh=af59654e
I went to my doc again
He prescribed
Divalporex sodium 750mg
Sertraline 50mg
clonazepam 0.5 mg
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self.bipolar
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Life is boring. I want to play a game before I die. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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PLEASE HELP ME. I know I am not emotionally NORMAL, I have unstable emotions which I can’t even control myself but can’t really tell the ‘problem” I have I have symptoms of depression (as my GP said 2 months ago)
But now after that ive found myself have some kind of eating disorder (sometimes i force myself not to eat and most of the time i blame myself for eating, i don’t purge but sometimes i do chew and spit)
And I am im the middle of Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder.
I was seeking for helps and I got helped but it didn’t work for me (counselling)
Uncontrollable, unstable emotions lead me to having friendship and relationship problems and isolation.
For the relationship one, now my boyfriend, he understands me and really wants to help. He has offered me help as well. He knows what i have been through.
While my friends pretty much don’t know anything about me, i know that they care but sometimes i think they don’t really care.
I want to commit suicide but I can’t do it. I have done self-harm ‘a lot’ and in many ways most of the time “cutting” sometimes pulling hair sometimes punching (myself or wall)
I don’t know how to explain but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m at the point that I can’t control myself I don’t know myself anymore. I don’t know my real personality. I have many personalities ... and they keep changing. For example, I was happy af and then when someone disrupted me, I was super angry and violent (sometimes i see a pic of myself inside my head killing that person) but I hurt myself instead cuz i felt bad for being angry even it’s my fault or not.
**sorry if it’s random, my mind is messed up rn, i dont have time to arrange my thoughts
I was happy for the whole entire day but ultimately ended up SELFHARM cutting myself. When i was cutting, i knew what i was doing but i couldnt control myself or stopped myself from cutting. Then the next day, i was happy again like nothing fucking happened. I always feel like it’s not only me who own myself (not even kidding, really, i’m super serious) they keep fighting to each other in my head and stuff. if the bad one wins, i will be depressed. If the good one wins, i will be happy. If none of them wins, i will be super ‘empty’ like all of my emotions is just gone. I can’t control the fight. After the fight i feel like i have amnesia or something i mean i feel like i can’t remember anything but if i think about it, i still can remember it.
I want to see a doctor or psychiatrist, talking therapies don’t work for me. I don’t wanna get helped but i need help. I don’t know why I can’t just bring myself to hospital or call for help.
I’m a high school student, my grades are pretty good, i don’t have any problems with my study at all. Just only sometimes im panic because of the assessment tasks and stuff but eventually im fine with them. I still can concentrate on tasks at school .. but sometimes i just get mental breakdown or maybe panic attack.
I cried in my english class, i don’t know why i cried, i think i just got too overwhelmed and tired because they were fighting in my head. I had terrible headache as well when they were fighting. And then i fell asleep and when i woke up i felt nothing at all ... again i don’t know what happened but i know (i know you might be confused at this point, im confused as well) i felt like i had amnesia but actually i didn’t. It’s like my brain just automatically forgets about bad things happened but it still keeps that memories but tryna makes me stop thinking about them.
I feel like i have chemical imbalances and stuff .. i know something is wrong with my brain but technically we can’t control our brains like how they work and stuff
So like, i think i need some medications ? Because talking therapies seem not to be for everyone.
I’m scared that im going to commit suicide, i always have pictures of me cutting/hurting myself and sometimes pictures of me committing suicide (either cutting or firearm)
I’m overwhelmed, I’m sorry if this is confusing but I tried to express my feelings here, so if you think i need medical helps, please try to convince the other me, who is really stubborn and stops me from getting help, to allow me to get help please.
I don’t really have life problems (i have but i don’t care anymore like at all) but my real problem is MYSELF who is dragging me down to hell.
p.s. You guys can read my other posts as well, i came here just to say what i can’t really say in real life ...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why do I think like this? Should I look into therapy? I want to ask for advice about my problems but I always can't find the right words and if I type it I keep re-typing it to try and make it make sense. But it just ends up being all over the place and I can't put the pieces together. So I don't post it because it's unreadable. Should I just get therapy? When I'm trying to explain problems or my feelings it's like swimming in an ocean with lots of little fish trying to catch them and you might grab a few but they slip out of your hands again and eventually you get tired from all the swimming and get a headache and can't see the fish anymore. Why does this happen? Have I got a lot of bottled up feelings or is it a lot of irrational thoughts? Does this happen to any of you? Sorry if this doesn't make sense
I'm not diagnosed with anxiety I'm just not sure where to post this
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self.Anxiety
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Help me get back to school I’m 17(m) and I have a pretty interesting past that would take me forever to get into. Long story short I would like some help with the scariest thing of my entire life coming up. On January 19 I need to go back to my high school. I’m a junior and this whole school year except for the first 2 weeks I have been on home instruction, but now that my psychologist thinks I’m ready to go back I actually need to go back. I keep having thoughts of trying to hurt myself to the point where I’m hospital ridden or committing suicide just to not go. But I know from past suicidal ideations that suicide and self-harm are obviously not the right paths of choice. So I was wondering if anyone had absolutely ANY advice for me having to get through an entire school day after being out for many months. I kept up with my school work but I have only seen 1 of my teachers during this instruction and I’ve seen 3 of my friends. I am fairly well known in my grade but no one actually knows why I have been out. So that is currently one of the scariest parts of this (people asking me why I’ve been out). On top of that I have Dysthymia, Cyclothymia, GAD, Social Anxiety, Pure-O OCD, and the list goes on. I’m pre-everything transgender MTF. So going through the hallways and seeing girls wear beautiful clothing is the most painful thing imagineable for me. Lastly, due to my OCD, it is difficult for me to walk in the hallways of my school because I have a need to avoid all cracks at all costs. Basically, if I step on a crack I will start shaking and last year I had to go home because I was shaking so bad from it. I could keep going with what scares me but I just want to know if anyone has any mindsets or self-talk or tools or ANYTHING, that could help me do it. I’m so scared and I have been having nightmares the last few days about me walking through the school.
My Psychiatrist has me on 2,000 MG of Depacoat, Lorazepam, Lexipro (As everyone is lol), and Trazadone. Btw Depacoat might be the greatest medication I have ever been on and I highly suggest it. If anyone has any thoughts about possible medication changes I might need, that would be helpful too.
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self.Anxiety
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day 3 of no sleep! hey friends
the past month been especially shitty, two people whom I love dearly passed very suddenly, followed by my SO telling me out of nowhere that he wants to cut all ties with me and eliminate all contact. Basically a few months ago i moved ~2hours away for uni (which was a huge step in my mental health that he continually seemed very supportive of although it meant seeing him much less, but anyway) and very early on i got the impression that the type of people i'm around combined with my visible social anxiety would be a bad combination for making friends, which ended up being true and i've only once made plans to see anyone outside of class. this never specifically upset me partially because I prefer being alone anyway but mostly because i was best friends with my SO for a while before we were together, it is unbelievably comforting to have someone you know you can call at any time to tell all of the mundane things about your day. the relative distance was a little taxing and we always talked about how we missed eachother etc etc, but we were always open with eachother and promised that if it really became an issue one of us would bring it up and we would talk about it, anyway like two weeks ago he texted me out of nowhere saying he couldnt do this and didnt want me in his life with very little explination etc. he knows about my mental health and knows that i am especially unequiped to deal with sudden loss in my life right now, so the way he did it was a little bit of an extra stab in the heart. Long story short he has made sure i have no way to contact him and he's been posting pictures with a girl he's apparently been dating since hours after us breaking up. every time i close my eyes i see them together and get debilitating panic attacks, so i havent been able to sleep in days. its really overwhelming coming to terms with the fact that he is the only person i would want to (or would be able to) talk to about my feelings with this and he has gone out of his way to ensure i have absolutely no way to contact him.
anyway i'm sorry that was long and hard to read, this was my first time trying to type all of it out, but yeah if you have any tips about how to sleep while having continual panic attacks that would be much appreciated, i'm fucking exhausted.
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self.depression
|
How do you keep going when you feel nothing? I feel nothing or empty everyday. All I do everyday because of this is lay in bed, eat, watch tv, or use the internet on my smartphone or laptop. How do you go on pushing yourself everyday to do things in your life when you feel empty or nothing all day every day?
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self.depression
|
Please, please talk to me. I am so alone. I feel like I can't do this anymore. I had the most horrific depressive episode in 2015 with two capital-T traumatizing run-ins with inpatient psychiatric care. I won't survive another episode like this, and I feel myself sliding, fast.
All I've wanted to do over the past four years is go back to grad school, and now I'm here all I'm doing is fucking it up with my drug addiction. I'm so lonely, and it's heartbreaking. I've been looking for a therapist in my new location since before I moved to go to school (that's about 8 months now) with no luck.
My ex-boyfriend (we dated for about six years, have been broken up for two) has been doing someone new for about four months. I don't care, I'm not jealous, but he was my best friends. Now he never contacts me, doesn't respond to my texts, and just told me that we shouldn't exchange holiday/bday presents (we both have bdays at around the same time) because 'I'm just his ex now.' I'm not stalking him, I give him plenty of room (he also lives across the country), and now tonight I really feel I lost my best friend.
I know about CTL, I know about 7 Cups of Tea, I know about the Samaritans, I know about the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. I have actually worked for two of those I've tried meditation, yoga, and exercise. I'm on antidepressants. I try to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance everyday.
I can go on, but I mostly just need some support, to know I'm not alone. I think it's just so tragic how little people are willing to give to each other in 'real life' and then this bullshit narrative of 'if only they had reached out' comes out when someone actually completes a suicide.
Throwaway, for obvious reasons.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting overloaded with my dream vs. my mental health.. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Don't have anyone to talk to, trying to work through my situation so far, advice and feed back wanted and needed. TL;DR at the end. So I met with my caseworker yesterday and it didn't go well.
What the hell is she supposed to be anyway. My therapist?
All I was told was that we'd work on a treatment plan. So I figured therapist. Except when I met with her, she told me that she doesn't believe I have bipolar. Apparently the doctor I saw tells a lot of people they're bipolar. She said I could even have BPD (this was within the first 10 minutes of our appointment).
So now. After more than 10 years of struggling with this, I finally had *something* to help me make sense. I read up on bipolar, things were clicking, I was allowing myself to i guess identify and understand myself.
Now I'm second guessing everything. I don't feel allowed to describe myself as depressive anymore. I don't feel allowed to call the recent shift I've felt as mixed episode. The little steps I've been taking to feel more comfortable with myself are wrong and I feel lost again.
I haven't wanted to seek help before because I felt like I was just being dramatic and lazy, there were people out there with real disorders who needed help more than I did. I didn't want to take resources away from people who need them. So what if I haven't gotten out of bed for 2 days, my moms right, I'm pathetic and lazy. It's not depression. So what if I fantasize about suicide and wish I were dead, I haven't actually made real attempts at killing myself. That can't be depression.
Then I realized that I was about to make a very permanent decision and that maybe I was one of those people who needed help. I wasn't just being dramatic, I couldn't keep brushing myself off. So I called the crisis number, and went to emerg like they told me to.
That was on Monday. I wasn't admitted because I live right across the street from the hospital, could see a doctor very soon, and had a friend I could go see if I needed. The ER doctor was pushing to admit me, but the crisis nurse didn't think that was best for me.
I spent the rest of Monday and all of Tuesday trying to just exist until I could see a doctor. Not leaving my house. Not leaving my bed. I just had to make it until Wednesday, I used support from friendly internet strangers to keep myself going. It really really really did help.
I saw the psychologist (?) on Wednesday. I was still very numb and dumb and did my best to answer his questions. Then I did my best at trying to understand what he was saying. He didn't explain too much. He told me I was going to take lithium now. That if I refused he would have to consider admitting me.
At this point I just went along with everything. I wanted help, I didn't want to have to fight for it and I didn't want to refuse. I don't know how to help myself anymore so I'll trust the professionals. I didn't know what questions to ask, or what I should even be thinking.
As much as being diagnosed with something freaked me out, it was almost soothing to know that this isnt just how I am. It scared me, though, because how could I just *not* realize that whatever my issue is, something was actually wrong. How could I just accept such obvious signs of depression as normal. I'm not always depressed, I know what life is like. Feeling like that for weeks or months at a time is not a part of normal life.
But now I'm back to square one. What if the doctor just slapped a label on me to call it a day. What if this *is* just how I am. I'm even less sure of myself and feel like I can't trust my sense of reality at all now.
What if when I randomly moved to a different province wasn't me being manic (hypomanic?). What if I was just being impulsive. It didn't work out and it fucked me up, but what if it's like my caseworker said. I took a risk, it didn't pay off, but at least I tried.
Does that mean I should still engage in what the doctor called risky behaviours? Because I'm taking risks, sometimes they pay off, sometimes they don't? Who do I listen to?
Was my caseworker out of line for telling me to "think my way out of it", because it really sucked to hear her say that. She made me feel like it's all my fault, which I feel like it is anyway, but when I said that to her she backtracked and said I was a product of my environment. I just have to teach myself new ways to react to triggers and outside effects. How the fuck do I even start doing that?
Is she right, or am I ok to feel pissed off and let down by her?
I want to look for second opinions but I have no clue how to. I don't know how to ask for a new caseworker, I've already been warned that if I stop participating in outpatient procedures I'm at risk of being admitted. I feel like a fucking hostage.
I don't want to tell anyone, especially now, about what I'm going through.
I feel scared and lost and panicked. The thoughts of suicide aren't gone. I still have my plan. I can't just "shelve it" like my caseworker told me to. That's her treatment plan for me, by the way. Just shelve those feelings.
I still need more bloodwork done, no one has contacted me about it. No one told me who to contact about it. To make sure I have proper levels of lithium. I'm taking a medication for an illness I probably don't even fucking have.
**TL;DR** I'm pissed off, I'm scared, and I don't trust anyone, especially not myself. I'm potentially taking lithium for no reason. My support feels non existent and I have no idea if it's just me, or they actually suck. I don't even want to kill myself any more, it just seems like the option that makes the most sense. Everyone keeps telling me that if I don't do what they say I'll be admitted and I feel like I have no say or control.
Also, I feel bad for posting in this sub, everyone has been so helpful and I feel like a fake now. I just don't know what else to do. Especially because I only have negative stuff to put out there right now.
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self.bipolar
|
Avoiding almost every risk? Normally I don't have that much more anxiety than other people, but when it comes to taking risks, I avoid them so much it's having an impact on my life.
Some examples:
- I don't want to get a driver's license because I'm afraid I will be the cause or victim of a car accident.
- I don't want to go on any far vacations because I will probably get lost somewhere or get bitten by some poisonous animal/insect.
- I (sub?)consciously keep myself away from dating even though I really want it, because I don't want to get rejected and make things awkward/creepy, and I don't want to end up in some miserable marriage either. What if I don't want kids but my girlfriend does??
- I avoid applying for jobs because most jobs I've had made me almost literally cry (constantly getting scared from dogs as a mailman, awkward attempts at talking to customers when working as a salesman, getting criticized for working too slow, etc.)
- Being scared to live on my own because I might need immediate medical help but no one will notice.
I could go on for a while, but anyway, I'm really getting sick of myself. Normal people my age love to take risks and slowly change as they get older, but I'm more worried than most parents with toddlers. If I go on like this I won't even have much of a life, and I might get some kind of illness from the stress, lack of exercise, lack of social activity, junk food diet, etc. so it's also very counterproductive. I really don't like making decisions anymore, and it's getting depressing, since life doesn't mean much if you don't make any decisions. Then it just turns into a boring movie you don't have any influence on (which it already feels like because of the shitload of things that seems to be determined by genes).
Can anyone help me? I want to get out of my head. My life circumstances are almost perfect, yet I feel like I'm constantly at the verge of ruining my life with just simple actions.
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self.Anxiety
|
Just had a conversation with my ex wife about custody and I just felt switches turn off that I didn't know were possible. long time reader, first time poster.
Background, info.
Diagnosed (2014) with depression, anxiety, PTSD, what ever it all is, I'm not sure, I don't care to know because it fucking sucks and knowing the definition will benefit me in absolutely no way.
Put through a crash 2 week crisis stabilation program with absolutely no avail because my ex wife was constantly being a piss ant the entire time and I had a few drinks, and there for was pushed out of the program and was never seen again for my issues.
Now I'm active military, deployed in 2014, came home to an empty house and my wife had ran off with my daughter, now those problems were stacked onto a plate of other shit I was just now learning to cope with and turned into a dangerous game. Sweet alcohol, the military doesn't seem to mind having someone struggling through personal issues, so I went ahead and self soothed, I adapted and over came.
Fast forward a few years, new state (beautiful state, I mean fucking paradise), new command, I was hoping this was the key to really making myself better. Work fucking sucked, I absolutely hated it, i would honest to god go work sucking shit out of portapotties for 9 hours a day, than stay here. Then my blessing in disguise came, I got hurt, not life threatening hurt but enough to have reconstructive surgery which placed me at possibly the best job anyone in the world could ever have. Now this is when I realized my depression wasn't just a thought of me just being sad or upset, I literally just sit around from 730am until 1pm and go home, I have maybe an hour worth of work a week, and I spend the rest of my time, laying in a classroom, on the cold tile staring at the ceiling, while other people bitch about how boring our job is, and while I'm thinking "im so fucking glad I don't have to do anything" literally, the only thing that would make it better is a TV and a bed so I can lay down and just watch Netflix or hulu.
So today, during my normal evening, I got a small moment of joy, a Skype call from my daughter (4), we talked about her room, and her friends next door, and how excited she is for christmas, and I asked her if she was ready for daddy to come home for good, and the shriek and running around screaming yayyyyy daddy's coming home, seriously made me the happiest I've been in years.
So my ex asks if I'm really coming home, and I said yes. (Now I'm sorry this is out of order, I'm pretty drunk, I'm about to get honest help soon from a civillian care provider next week I just need to vent) my ex would always say, well since she lives with me you can see her when ever you want, which meant, only while I was on leave. So I asked my ex, since she has lived with you the past 4 years can I have her with me for the next 4? Since we'll both live in the same city, you can come see her when ever you want during the week and even weekends that I have her and you can have her every other weekend. I don't want to be the father who denies my daughter the right to see her mother, but she came back with well, I think it would be best for her to stay with me and my husband.
I kept it cool, I don't want her to know that just felt almost every single emotion turn off. It literally felt like I had my humanity leave my body, the only feelings left are just enough for my daughter, not for my SO, not for my self, not for my family, not for my dog (who I know loves me unconditionally), I feel literally numb to it all, completely. I was cold before, I've never shown much emotion, but I honestly feel I could watch someone get hit by a car in front of me, and I wouldn't even break stride.
Sorry for shitty formatting, it's a combo of angry and drunkness.
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self.depression
|
Not sure if hope tl;dr boyfriend of 15+ years packed up and left tonight. It is entirely my fault - I have lied to him continually throughout our relationship, have hurt/abused him emotionally, physically, and mentally, and have made zero efforts to change/help myself despite his help, support, and general amazingness.
He still made sandwiches for me before he left, because he knows I'm a shit who sometimes will skip eating if there's no food available.
I'm not sure how many migraine pills are needed for a LD, but I'm giving it the old college try.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Restless, weird chest pains I just woke up randomly out of sleep feeling really restless, my heart feels like it’s beating fast but when I feel my chest it’s normal. I have had tests run on my heart and lungs and everything is perfectly healthy but I feel like I can’t breathe and kind of shakey right now. I absolutely hate anxiety :(
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self.Anxiety
|
This year will be the first Christmas without my grandpa and I'm really not looking forward to it. My grandpa had cancer and passed in July this year. We knew last Christmas that it would be our last with him. As every day passes at the moment and brings us closer to this year's Christmas, I'm dreading it more and more. I'm currently wrapping presents and the realisation hit me that I won't get to write "To Grandpa , love from Emma" on any labels this year. I won't get to buy him his usual Toblerone or raspberry ruffle sweets (he had those from me for as long as I can remember). I'm wrapping presents and only writing "For Granny" on them, no shared gifts with her husband this year. I cry every day thinking about how he won't be sitting in his armchair unwrapping presents with the rest of us, or the thought of there being one empty chair at the dinner table, or about who's going to carve the turkey this year. Every Christmas of my 26 years of existence has been the same - this is the first time it'll be different. I'll still be spending the day with my family so that will be nice, there's just going to be something massive noticeably missing for all of us. I can't really talk to my family about it as we're all in the same boat, we all know it will be different, so I don't feel it needs saying, yet I feel like I want to talk about it. Fuck cancer.
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self.offmychest
|
Stabilizing The most alarming aspect of recovery is that happiness can make you fear you’re becoming sick again.
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self.bipolar
|
I had my first panic attack last night, whilst i was sleeping I'm really just posting here to feel like someone can relate to me.
I don't suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, i'm a super relaxed guy in most of my life. So i was pretty terrified last night when I woke up randomly with a total feeling that I was dying with no control over my senses.
I thought I might be stuck in a dream so actually did the usual pain tests to check. I was awake but felt soo wierd, I've never experianced anything like it in my life!
I was dizzy but felt normal, I was breathing heavy but felt like I was not breathing AND at the same time felt like I was breathing too much.
Nothing made any sense and I couldn't get over any of it. Eventually I resigned myself to death and made my breathing as calm as I could even though I felt like I was choking and lay back down to sleep. It kind of worked but I just couldn't shake the feeling all night and felt it in my sleep.
I just wanted to put this out there because I can imagine for someone not so calm or level headed This would be unbearable....
I'm looking to see if i'm B12 deficient as I can see any reason for this happening to me...
Thanks for reading
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't feel love for my parents I know they love me, unconditionally. But growing up I never "felt" it. And now it kind of feels like being a marriage where only one person loves the other person. You either love that person back or let them go.
But you can't really let your parents go. And I'm not sure I even care to try to love them back. I just don't "get it". I love my grandparents though. I know that. And I have loved and felt loved in relationships. But my parents I just feel disconnected like if nobody told me they were my parents, it wouldn't change much.
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self.offmychest
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I’ve liked a girl for over a year now and I’m too scared to tell her [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I honestly feel like I am going fucking crazy [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’m in love with my best friends husband Quite plain and simple, we’re both married, no kids. I feel so awful, she’s my best friend. I couldn’t do that to her, but we’re so compatible. Even she has said we should be together because we are perfect.
I feel as though I should say how I feel, but there is to much on the line. He is 33 and I’m 21, so quite a bit of difference in age.
Any suggestions?
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self.offmychest
|
Anxiety is effecting my school work. Whenever I try to study I always get caught up in my thoughts and start worrying about something stupid I said in a conversation or whether people like me or some other irrelevant shit, no matter how much I try not to and tell myself it's not important and I don't need to think about it now. I get so anxious when I'm studying that I can't do it but then when I don't study I get even more anxious thinking I'm going to fail. Every time I try to study anxiety's all like "it doesn't matter you're going to fail anyways, see you've been at this for 10 minutes now and still nothing has gone into your head, you're an idiot, you're going to fail, everyone will be disappointed in you. When I try studying I start to feel sick, my heart starts beating really fast, I can't breathe, I choke up. I need to do really really well to get the college course I want and I'm already really behind for these reasons and also missing a lot of school in the past (guess why). I'm just so sick of this endless cycle of anxiety, at this stage I can't imagine getting into any college I'm so behind.
For reference: my summer exams are at the end of May and the ones for getting into college are June of next year.
Advice would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to go to japan, but I'm poor. (Advice Wanted) Why do I see that some of my friends were able to go? What the fuck.
Why wasn't I ever a part of some fucking exchange program in high school?
Why am I stuck here, trying to learn the fucking language on my own when no one else around me speaks it.
I love your culture. Your history. The way people there behave. And yeah, your video game and animation (anime) industry as well.
---
I'm fucking tired of the US. I want to live in Japan. Here in New England, I'm stuck in the fucking cold working a shitty part time job.
I come home to a depressed mother, a depressed and alcoholic dad, and a little brother who doesn't want to do anything with me anymore.
I'm so fucking sick of it. I don't.. want to die, I just.. want to leave. But I'm poor. This job only pays me a few hundred dollars at a time, and a chunk of it is going to student loans every month.
I feel stuck. I wish I could just run away. Stow onto a plane or something. I don't know what to do.
How do I keep going, guys? Can you help me understand? How do I travel? How do I just.. go, and be free somewhere else?
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self.offmychest
|
Sick of the isolation and abuse I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all my friends leaving- although now, I’m just alone. New school was supposed to help but I’m just as much of a weirdo there than I am anywhere else. I’m sick of being neglected and hurt and I just want to die. I took a ton of melatonin (no chance of overdose) so I could just pass out.
I’m sick of being a worthless, lonely piece of shit. I’ve tried to make friends online and even that doesn’t work out.
I just want to leave.
I’m isolated, abused, and utterly worthless. I’m going to stop taking my medication, honestly. Then I’ll have nothing holding me back from doing it.
It’s not even a choice at this point, I’m never going to make it anyway. That’s what they tell me all the time. They’re right.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
it's 4:30 and I only just woke up every day I get a little more pathetic
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self.depression
|
I Am Taller Than My Dad, When I Wear High Heels And he hates it. After nearly a decade of him creeping on me and getting away with it because I'm "just a small girl," I am *now* a full inch taller than him in heels. It absolutely freaks him out and I fucking love it. Sometimes, when he says shit to fuck with me, I just make eye contact and slowly rise up on my tiptoes.
Edit: I have heard that I will grow an inch in a year and then I **will be *two inches* taller than him in high heels.** Mwahahaha.
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self.offmychest
|
Should I Submit to A 72 Hour Hold? I guess this is more along the lines of would it help. The couple of people that I know who have been on a 72 hour hold described a miserable experience that made their depression even worse.
I've been off my anti depressants for a while now because I don't have the money for a trip to my psychiatrist for a refill. My therapy has been inconsistent for the last 3 months, and my life in these past 3 months has been hell.
Last night I seriously contemplated killing myself. The only thing that stopped me was not having the means to do so.
I know I need help. But I'm scared getting help will make things worse.
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self.depression
|
If I can recover, so can YOU! How you can relieve anxiety quick. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to sleep Sleep is so nice. Waking up sucks so much. Sleep is the only time I feel good. In my dreams I'm not anxious. I feel content. It's just do peaceful. I legitimately wish I could go into a coma.
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self.depression
|
I ruined my play through of Dark Souls 3 30 hours in [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I'm going to a psychology today, for the first time And I just feel like I don't really know what I should talk about, I literally feel that ever since I had this appointment planned I forgot what it felt like when I felt like shit which made me quit school, and I can't remember exactly how it was like, like the memories got out of my brain. Why is that?
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self.depression
|
Suddenly really sensitive to the way things feel. Anxiety related? Recently I have became quite sensitive to the way things feel like clothes I’m wearing and the covers In Bed, it makes it really hard to fall asleep because when I’m lying there I notice how every little part of me feels and the slightest thing off just bugs me. I have always fidgeted a lot and found it a little hard to get get comfortable but it’s so much worse recently to the point I can’t sleep well because it bugs me so much. Can this be anxiety related ?
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self.Anxiety
|
suicidal but not wanting to die? (possible trigger warning) i talked to my therapist today and i've been taking a lot of pills lately and forcing myself to vomit after eating junk food, feeling worthless and alone. The other day I took 4 clorpheniramine pills all at once and also more of my anxiolytics and it's all of shut myself down and disconnect, because i need to disconnect myself. The thing is, I've had suicidal thoughts such as jumping out the window, shooting myself, taking more pills (I almost took 7 clotiazepam the other day but held myself and didn't do it), and more things like wanting to be run over but I don't really want to die.
Does this happen to others? Why does this happen to me? Why me?
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self.depression
|
I just need a safe space SO isn't good with big emotion, frankly neither am I, but I'm trying to keep my brave face on for him. 23 yo DS caught me sobbing last night when SO was at work. I feel like a waste of oxygen. I have chronic pain and can't work. Currently waiting for my SSDI hearing next month. Money is beyond tight, and yet everything keeps falling apart! My phone died, my car is now burning oil and engine fuck up lights are on...I hurt constantly, I sleep like shit, my stomach is a mass of roiling biting lava snakes and everything I touch turns to shit.
A little background, I was a single mom, fought my way up from massive depression/ anxiety/ PTSD/ tons of other issues from my past. Yoyoing weight issues were in resolution, I was doing fantastic, had an amazing job that I loved, been at for 17 years. Made really good money, owned my car and my home (trailer, but it's MINE!). Then I fell in the ice. Barely bruised my butt, but the next day I felt like I'd been beat up. It kept getting worse. Then it seemed like every injury I've ever had in my life was making visits or moving in. Then more. I used up my sick days had to get FMLA. Then got my four weeks of vacation and burned through it in two months. I hurt all the time. Sitting through eight hours of work would put me down for two days sometimes. I finally went to the doc and got a tentative dx. He took me off work and I started with the testing. Then he retired and his PA took over. In the meantime I've gone through short term disability, over into long term disability (had to fight for the last of that), burned through my 401k just to pay bills. Long story even longer, I see a pain management doctor who just wants to throw pills at me, and who refuses to fill out any paperwork to help with disability (why I had to fight and am fighting for ssdi now). The PA moved and all my paperwork has fallen through cracks.
All of my previous progress has flown away. I hide in the bathroom with the tub filling and sob until I'm gagging. I have panic attacks and nightmares again.
I'm no help much around the house because I can't stand or bend or do anyfuckingthing useful. I can't work so not helping there. What's the point of me? The only reasons I haven't just taken all of my pills is a) I'm not certain that it wouldn't just make me sick and then I'd be worse off, b) I don't want to hurt my family anymore. How can I not be a burden and yet not hurt them? How? Cuz as long as I'm alive, I'm just another weight that someone has to bear.
I don't know how much longer I can be me.
There's no respite from the pain. It's wearing me down. I fell in February 2014. How much longer until I just break?
UPDATE: Disability hearing was postponed until further notice because the judge got the flu. Now I'll get a hearing whenever I come up on the docket. Could be weeks or months. I'm so sick of all of this.
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self.depression
|
Mania?? I was diagnosed with bipolar over 4 years ago. We have a difficult history. Last September I started a med (latuda 80mg) that actually works! I’m actually stable for the first time since I was diagnosed.
I was super anxious last night and realized something. I quit my job this month. I’m impulsively spending and it’s causing issues in my relationship. I’m not sleeping much. I cut all my hair off yesterday after pulling an all nighter and I’ve been very anxious. I feel pretty shitty about myself and now I’m scared that I’m starting to lose control again. I made a therapy appointment and I talk to my psychiatrist again in a week..
am I manic or am I just over thinking this?
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self.bipolar
|
Juuuust when I was getting used to the meds... ...I've had to increase my dosage. I was on 100mg lamotrigine but as per drs orders am now up at 200mg maintenance dose. I had to start taking them at night as they'd make me drowsy and irritable if I took them in the mornings. But now they are keeping me awake all night. Like I didn't get to sleep til 4am this morning despite taking enough sedatives to tranquilize a rhinoceros.
Anyway I think it might be hypomania because I've been doing uncharacteristic things like cleaning and being very chatty online.
All that aside, how was *your* day?
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self.bipolar
|
feeling so hopeless. I want to end it all due to health reasons, body dysmorphic reasons, depression, etc. I did some things to my face that is irreversible due to my OCD and body dysmorphia. I'm always alone and don't know who to talk to. I've been having suicidal thoughts since age 13, but only recently became "legit" suicidal a few months ago. I don't want to do it because it will hurt my mother, but I cannot stand this suffering. Would love to have someone talk some sense in me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I know life isn’t fair, but I feel increasingly squashed by it. Things go against me so much of the time. I try. I really do. Things always seem to blow up in my face.
I’m so sorry if anyone else feels this level of pain. I don’t know how to survive it any longer.
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self.depression
|
Why am I still like this? It’s been months.
She broke my heart, betrayed my trust, and is dating someone over a decade her senior.
And I was fine. Until she reached out to me again.
Why? Why do my feelings get in the way of everything? Why can’t she just hate me and let me be done with it. I was lead on for years. Now I don’t talk to her regularly, I avoid social media posts. I do things completely out of her circle.
But she always comes back because I can’t just tell her my feelings. How much it hurts to see her with that guy, or how dejected I feel because my feelings are not even a blip on her radar?
I was free of her for months. But she came back. I’m still in love with someone that I know is never going to love me back, and I can’t just rip the fucking band aid because I’m a coward.
Fuck this.
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self.offmychest
|
We’re working to get her fired - but I’m pretty sure it will ruin her life I’m a special ed teacher in a public school district. Despite being young, I (and the other sped teachers) supervise several teachers aides that help with the students in our care. These women are all older than us, but, part of the job is that we’re the bosses. It’s awkward.
One in particular, let’s call her X, is causing a particular problem in the classroom.
X works with special education students, remember. She’s given a schedule of classrooms to be in/students to be with, and told what to do. While there is a bit of autonomy in the job - I can’t tell anyone what to do every second of the day - the general job description is to do what you’re asked. X is frequently found: not following schedule, taking extra breaks, giving snacks/rewards to students without permission, taking students out of classroom without permission, etc. and that’s just what happens on the job.
Off the job, she calls female coworkers uncomfortable names like “sweetie.” She has tried to, while moving, choose a new address physically located next door to one of the teachers. She will stand to close or put an arm on your chair when you didn’t ask her to come close. She sends many non job related texts after work hours, including ones that are emotional or vaguely threatening. She will stare at the person having a conversation across the room - or butt in on conversations that are not hers.
When asked to change her behavior, she becomes defensive, and it gets ugly. Her voice tone elevated and her words get louder and she speaks faster...trying to be clinical rather than judgmental.
We’re involved in talks with the principal and HR about a remediation plan...to see if she will improve. Past reports from her work history don’t give us a lot of confidence.
However, I’ve started to feel uncomfortable about the gung-ho attitude some people have about getting her fired. Obviously all the things above really bother me, and sometimes make me worried about the kids.
But, she’s a person, yup. They don’t get paid a lot so I would hate to let someone lose the tiny source of income they depend on.
She’s also in a college program that gives her credit from being a teachers aid so that she can become a teacher herself. If she was fired, there is nowhere around here that would take her back on as a teacher’s aid. It’s all the same district. She’d probably get kicked out of her college program. I’m not familiar with what options she’d have at that point.
Just wondering what people think is the “right” (albeit uncomfortable) thing to do in this case.
TLDR: a bad employee at work might be fired in part due to my reporting on her, but then I’d be responsible for ruining her life?
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self.offmychest
|
Something I wrote a year ago 29th May, 2016.
"Do you drink?" you asked me out of nowhere.
I have never even smelled alcohol in my entire life, much less have consumed it.
And so naturally I told you that no, I don't drink.
10th July, 2016.
We were out for a date and you were sitting right there, beside me, yet you felt so far away from me.
The atmosphere between the two of us felt different. It felt like something was amiss.
You could sense that I wasn't how I usually was. You observed my tone becoming duller.
You asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing because how could I tell you that the reason why I was down was because I missed you... even though you were right there with me at that moment?
Precisely. It was foolish.
August 2016.
Commitments set us apart. Feelings started to fade. Sparks started to die out.
Flirty messages turned into rountined "good morning" and "good night" texts.
Lighthearted playful conversations turned into us simply ranting about our commitments because that's basically what our life revolved on at that point of time.
I barely ever heard an "I love you" from you when you used to say it all the time.
We lived two entirely different worlds, and it was hard for us to sympathise with each other when we were never in their shoes.. which led to us drifting apart from each other even more.
03 September, 2016.
I can't take it anymore.
From talking all day long everyday, we were now practically acquaintances who only talked to each other when we had anything important.
It's time to let you go.
And I believed that you would fight for me. I thought that when I sent you my farewell message, you would at least convince me to stay.
But I was proven wrong when you read my message and never replied anything.
I waited for minutes, hours and days.
Still I heard nothing from you.
Lets face the truth, I guess you only kept me around because you needed company.
A slap to my pride it was, it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach.
I was tarnished and shattered into pieces.
Farewell, love.
09 September, 2016.
Memories of how you used to love me keeps replaying in my mind.
I keep reminiscing about times that we shared together and how happy we were.
I'm going insane, I'm losing my mind.
And within seconds, "No, I don't drink" went down the drain.
Because I picked up my first alcohol drink.
I hesitated but all at once, I downed it. It burned my throat, I wondered - "why would anyone voluntarily drink this?"
And the answer hit me... because I was doing it myself.
They do it to forget the memories.
To let loose and have some fun.
So I downed more shots.
I was drunk enough to message you a long paragraph on how much I missed you.
10 September, 2016.
I remember messaging you about how much I missed you.
Alas, you never cared enough to reply.
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self.offmychest
|
Has anyone used mushrooms to treat depression? I've read a number of articles about a study that said that eating magic mushrooms can reset a depressed brain. Does anyone have any experience with this? Does taking magic mushrooms on my own pit me at risk for psychosis?
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self.bipolar
|
I don't know why I'm making this... Honestly, I'm super terrified to make this. My hands are shaking right now and I'm just making myself have a panic attack. But...I don't know what to do so I guess I'll do this anyways.
I've had it for as long as I can remember. Same for anxiety and being unable to know what peoples facial expressions are and what to or not to take seriously. But other than that I want to just die. I'm the cliche age of wanting to die and being dark and "My life sucks" which really doesn't help. My parents get angry at me for seemingly just existing, almost every 3 years we move to a different state, I've tried so much and nothing has helped, and yes I am taking meds for it. I guess I'm sort of just afraid. I just wish I didn't exist. I have talked about this to other people but most of them seem to just not understand that depression doesn't just go away as easily as blinking. I'm terrified of myself and others, and the people I talk to just make me feel guilty and like it'll just get better when it hasn't ever gotten better.
Why am I even posting this?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Why is new years so bad There's something so derpressing about dedicating a 'celebration' about a massive chunk of time passing. Even worse when you know you have to start the new year still depressed! Last year was so shit and i was happy to put it to bed but then when I was out I realised that I'm still going into the new one the same...
I think nye is so hard and I hope some of you on this subreddit did have a nice time!
Here's to 2018, hopefully the year of change!
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self.depression
|
Anxiety and the Stomach Hey all,
I've created a semi-throwaway account to post this, because well..., somehow it's easier to talk about my issues. I'm not sure if this counts as a long post, but apologies for the long post.
Here's a brief introduction before getting to the question that's been bugging me:
I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for the last 3 years or so. While the depression comes and goes, and is (somewhat) manageable, the anxiety issues have really been inhibiting the way I live my life. I have gone for help-- through the form of talk therapy, and even was prescribed anti-anxiety pills (clonazepam) to take as needed. There are ebbs and flows to the anxiety levels, sometimes they are manageable and sometimes they escalate. C'est la vie.
What I cannot seem to shake, or even comprehend, is how my anxiety affects my stomach. When I had a panic attack for the first time (seemingly out of nowhere) it was when I was on a train, going through a tunnel, and this intense feeling of claustrophobia came across me and I literally felt sick to my stomach. The panic attacks persisted, and the formula for them seemed to consist of: feeling "trapped" in a place (whether underground, in a crowded place-- outdoors or indoors, etc.) and the feeling of intense nausea that would dissipate once I left the scenario and calmed down.
After this became a somewhat regular occurrence, I became convinced that I was going to throw up, in a place that I couldn't easily extract myself from. I would feel physically ill-- heart beating faster, a little bit dizzy, tingling fingers, waves of nausea.
While I am in a better place, and can ride trains underground and handle crowds better than before (where I would avoid the situations like the plague)-- I still carry a plastic bag with me wherever I go, just in case I feel the need to throw up again. The fear is engrained in me. Whenever I feel nerves, I try and use the toilet-- to feel some relief for the nervous gut. It's gotten to a point where I feel unhealthy-- like something is wrong with my stomach and/or digestive system (stomach aches, perceived digestion problems, perceived "food intolerances", constant perceived need for bowel movements). I say perceived because I am at the point where I don't know if it's in my head (aka psychosomatic) or if there's something wrong with my gut.
Does anyone else feel this way, or similarly? I know anxiety affects the gut, but I'm just feeling lost because sometimes I wonder if it can be affecting it this much.
Anyways-- thanks for reading, looking forward to hearing from anyone.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm sick of feeling different every single day Since adding a low dose of effexor to the mix I noticed my mood changes every day. I had a low day, a high day, an ok day, a low day, an even lower day. It's getting annoying and I don't know what to make of it. None of the moods are extreme, they're all pretty mild, but that's not the point.
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self.bipolar
|
In USA, if I am taken to a hospital for prevention or after attempted suicide, what will it cost? Without insurance.
I imagine the price alone would be enough to get most suicidal people even more suicidal.
Any info is appreciated.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Manic? Hello everyone, it's nice to talk to you again. I posted here before and you've all been so kind, but I have a question. I recently got out of a psych ward, new medications include Zyprexa and Lexapro for treating intrusive thoughts and my horrible hypo manic depression.
I've been feeling great really have. However today I think I'm spazzing out a bit. I've just finished cleaning my whole house, cleaning laundry making beds stuff like that. I can't sit still without my rocking back and forth like I do when I get nervous. My pulse is about 140 right now but I'm always high strung so that's actually normal for me sadly.
My question is does this sound like a manic episode? It's kind of hard to tell sometimes in your own head when you're in one, however I do believe I am in a episode of mania.
My fear is a crash after this, it's happened before I get manic I'm good for days and I mean like 3 days or so no sleep or anything. However like I said I'm really afraid of crashing and becoming depressed again. I want this medication to stay working I do have a psychiatrist but he is a piece of shit so just watching myself and wondering if anybody has a suggestion to prevent a crash.
Thank you all.
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self.bipolar
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Had to leave another job This is 3 this year. I've got health problems: bi-polar, PTSD, OCD, panic disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome. The doctors are treating these things. This week I got shingles (2nd time in 2 years). The medication's side effects were bad, and didn't ease up after a couple days. I'd only been at the job for 2 weeks. It's a crappy delivery job. I don't even try for good jobs anymore. First it was depression, then anxiety, now I can hardly function. It took me 2 days to get the energy to take a shower. So now I'm unemployed again. Earlier this year I moved away from where I'd been living for 10+ years and bought a house in my hometown. I don't have any friends here. My only non-dog or cat in person communication is with my parents. They try to help, but there's not much they can do.
I feel hopeless. I'm 41 a week from today. I can't even hold a delivery job. My immune system is a mess. This year alone, I've had bronchitis twice, strep, flu, a sinus infection, shingles and a cold or two. And that's not even bringing up all the mental issues. It's rough. I just wanted to say it to someone other than people who ask "How can I help?" Because I really don't have an answer to that.
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self.offmychest
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I got my wisdom teeth removed and I feel like SHIT [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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