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Just a thought... So my bf.....well now ex bf broke up me 6 days before Christmas, this has probably been the worst Christmas i have had in a while, maybe even ever. Ever since he broke up with me i have been fighting with the thought to either hurt myself or just off myself, after all who would really miss me.... he doesn't. But then i think about how i have two little people that depend on me and how i can't because if i did then they would have no one left. The pain hurts so much and i try to smile and act like everything is ok but really it's not. I want to beg and plead for him back but know it would be to no avail. i think to myself he just needs time but then come to the realization that i may be fooling myself. I can't stop thinking about him, simple things like a song or just talking about something that we used to do or have done brings back all the pain and as soon as i think i have the pain at bay it comes back just as strong and just as painful as before. i sit and stare at a knife and think to myself just enough cuts to dual the pain in my heart is all i need. But then i can't because of the promise i made to him in the beginning that honestly probably doesn't matter now. Every part of me wants him and no other, even my brain tells me that i would be better off dead without him. Why does love have to hurt so much?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm moving out, but I'm scared. How do I get over this? So, I finally made the big step. I'm moving out of my parents' place and into my own apartment starting in February. I signed the lease today.
I'm scared of being alone, but I'm also 26. I just finished paying off my student loans and need to start living on my own.
I'm not in a relationship, and I have no friends. My anxiety holds me back from talking to anybody. I can't even remember the last time I had friends. Maybe... uh... 5th grade? Yeah, over 10 years ago.
Everyone says to join "meet ups", but I don't know. I'm too scared to even join *support groups*. I'm fearful of judgment, no matter how (un)realistic that judgment may be. (I'm actually avoiding one support group because a specific girl is going to its meet ups.)
I'm very much afraid that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm also afraid that I'm going to kill myself and that no one will be around to stop me.
How do I get over this?
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self.Anxiety
|
Haunted by the enormity of decades spent depressed When I look back on the trajectory of depression in my life, I realise that most years I’ve only have 3-4 months of stability - basically whenever my antidepressants work. I’ve been depressed since I was 10, self harmed as a teenager, and abused drugs throughout my twenties. I got addicted to benzos at 20, followed by becoming a hardcore stoner. I took ecstasy every weekend until I had no serotonin left. In my mid twenties I got diagnosed with depression and was finally medicated - it was a real eye opener experiencing normality. Still, partly due to various traumas and a very addictive personality, I got hooked on heroin and meth at 25. I’ve had deliberate and accidental overdoses, which I was lucky to survive. I’ve been to psych wards several times when the suicides of friends would trigger drug meltdowns. Sometimes I wonder if my depression would be as bad if I hadn’t abused drugs in such an extreme way for 10 years. But i also know what’s done is done.
I’m now in my early 30s and rarely do drugs and try my best to live well. I can’t function when I’m not medicated. When the meds are working I’m my best self and don’t even relate to my depressed self. Unfortunately I often have trouble finding an antidepressant that doesn’t stop working after a few months or cause intolerable side effects. Right now things are good though. There are many good things in my life. People come to me for support because I understand. I’ve managed to achieve many accolades in my chosen fields despite debilitating physical and mental health issues and drug addiction. I am a popular and well liked person - charismatic, funny, familiar, real, attractive. My life has been full of excitement. I’m slightly in awe that I’ve made it this far.
I know I can only keep moving forward, but 3 decades spent mostly depressed haunts me somewhat. The years kind of blur into each other, but the overall picture is still a bit ugly. I hope I can stay strong, hopeful and committed to taming this burden, and keep progressing as I get older. I hope I can have better romantic relationships. I hope nothing ever stays the same.
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self.depression
|
[serious] I’ve planned my suicide How do I push myself over the edge to kill myself? I know I want to die, I can’t deal with this fucking life anymore. I’ve planned it in details, but I’m scared that I’ll be to scared to go through with it. I truly know this is what I want, I have no future and I know this pain will get worse, so please don’t tell me not to do this. I just need advice. I think i’m strong enough to do this, but my biggest fear is that i’ll fail. I need something to push myself through it, so I won’t be anxious about failing.
I’ve also written a suicide note, but I’m scared my family will blame themselves. It’s really long, but I don’t know how to make them feel less guilty about what I’m going to do?
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self.depression
|
Welcome Newcomers and QOTW:04.01.2018 ###Greetings & Salutations!
Use this post to introduce yourself if you're new. Or maybe you're not so new, but haven't gotten around to introducing yourself yet in one of these posts. That's ok too! Either way, we'd love to offer you a warm welcome to our community. In fact, if you've introduced yourself before, why not take some time to say hi to the new people commenting here? What do you have going on this week that's giving you anxiety? Talk to us, we can do this together - **you're not alone in this**!
---
###Question this week:
what is a hobby you enjoy doing?
==============================
---
**Come chat with us!** That's right we have both an /r/Anxiety IRC Channel and Discord Server where we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello! **[IRC Option](https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.snoonet.org/anxiety) | [Discord Option](https://discord.gg/anxiety)**
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/#anxiety) | [Discord Server](https://discord.gg/anxiety) | [Community Map](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/3oux2l/add_yourself_to_ranxietys_google_map/)
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self.Anxiety
|
Swallowed 540mg of nicotine (e-liquid) a couple of hours ago. Vomited a few times. Will my body get rid of it all before I die? At the moment I'm having periods of feeling okay (30-60 mins), then nausea, vomiting and repeat. I'm 15 years of age. What should I do?
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self.depression
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The good news about hitting rock bottom is that anything is an improvement. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I need comfort before tomorrow... Keep in mind, that I've done every single thing I could do about this situation.
There's no way out.
So.. I'm an 18 year old native girl.
For three months, my older brother has had a deep grudge on me.
He tried to kill me twice. In the past two months.
I left my house on monday, in hopes of getting a voucher for food and applying for a house.
But that morning, my brother finally opened up in the worst way possible.
He had recently come back from the mental institute near by, and he's been quiet ever since.
He was supposed to stay there for a month, but came back fate a few days..
He was yelling at my younger brother, 4 years old, for a while.
I kept quiet, because I was already scared he'd attack me again.
But that Monday morning.. he was "wrestling" with him.
He fucking held him down on the floor, laughing and yelling.
My baby brother.. he was screaming and crying
So I got up, told him to stop
And he said I was overreacting.
As he began to yell, I made him leave the room, but he continued on from the living room while I talked to my mother. She was scared to do anything.
I asked for permission to do something about him.
She just said that she doesn't care anymore.
She just started crying.
That... that broke me.
I tried leaving in a hurry, telling my mother and little brother to stay in the room as long as they could.
But my brother had heard me.
He screamed at me, saying I need to calm down.
I just ran out the door.
Later on, I got help.
The cops never do anything (for the 7th time, they haven't done anything), my family knows but never do anything. Cfs/cps would say I'm overreacting too.
The lady I talked to, contacted all of those.
And guess what?
No cops came, cfs/cps didn't do shit when I told them we have no food at all at home, and my family? Nothing.
My auntie, nearly made me go home that day when I begged to stay the night.
She's coming back tomorrow, and shes pissed.
Because this morning, my brother came by, and told "the real story".
Every one now believes him over me.
This vile man, is 24 years old, who has depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder and was on meth for a long time, is somehow being believed that /he/ is the victim.
I know for a fact, my auntie is making me go home later on today..
If I go back home..
I'm not gonna live to see the sun ever again.
So I'm taking the easy way out.
I'm killing myself tomorrow night.
I can't run away, I have bad health, I'm recovering from 6 days of starvation. I have bad lungs, I have really low iron. I can stay in an abandoned building, but the snow has been getting worse.
I can't go to a shelter, the city that's three hours away is known to be the most dangerous city in canada.
I can't stay at a friends house, let alone another family members house, because I don't have friends anymore, and my family is too busy for anything anymore.
And you know what's sick, that has been suggested to me 6 times tonight?
That I should murder my own older brother.
I can't handle it. I'd never have the heart to do it. That thought once crossed my mind, and I instantly hurt myself for ever thinking of it.
I'm the one that needs to go.
I never has a bright future anyway.
I knew that for a very long time.
I've lived a tortured life.
My childhood, is too dark to talk about..
It only got worse.
Theres no hope for me.
It's sad though.. all these years, my dreams just shrunk and shrunk.
My current dream, is to just give my mother a good life before she passes.
And to give my little brother a non traumatic childhood, unlike mine.
I don't even dream of a job anymore.
I don't dream of having my own family anymore.
Now I don't wanna dream of anything at all.
It's too late.
So.. please, before I go tomorrow
Please make me feel not alone for once in my whole fucking life
Please make me feel loved, just for a little while
I don't wanna leave this earth again knowing that no one cared enough to make me not feel alone and scared.
And by again, I remember my past lives.. they weren't pleasant either.
I am a cursed soul.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
okay honestly redditors (is that what we're called? sorry still new here) are so nice a complete stranger offered to help me look over my college apps, he's looking through them right now
people are offering me advice concerning all the emotional stress i'm going through
my heart is hurting with alll this niceness i don't see irl, someone help before i burst
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self.offmychest
|
What is it like NOT to be depressed and suicidal all the time? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
First time posting: How do you all feel when getting dumped/rejected while dating? This is long- bear with me. Skip to the bottom for a very short synopsis.
I’m 29. I’ve been diagnosed bipolar since I was 22 (if I remember correctly). Been on meds a majority of the time, with the exception of a few blips when I didn’t think I needed it.
Anywho, I’ve had a few failed long term relationships. The most recent was because it was extremely unhealthy and involved a ton of emotional abuse. I’m glad to be out of that.
However, I finally decided to jump back into the dating pool. I went on a first date with a guy mid December. By Christmas Eve, we had a drunken argument as to why we need to be exclusive. This was initialed by him. I was going to take things slow. Anyways, I agreed that we were in a monogamous relationship. New Year’s Eve, we got into another argument and I word vomited that I am bipolar and on meds.
Fast forward to now, we’re done. He was acting strange the past few weeks. Then I found his tinder today but he explained it away. Then he kept bringing up more and more reasons that I screwed things up. So we’re done.
I can’t help but attribute this to my telling him I’m bipolar. Now, I know I’m not perfect but it really seemed like things went south after that. There’s a lot more to the story but it’d take eons to type it out.
I’m not in a manic or depressed state. That’s for sure. I feel like we may have just been incompatible. But the thought has been in the back of my mind that he started to become skiddish because of me telling him I’m bipolar.
The looming question is... how do you determine whether you scared someone away because you’re bipolar or whether it was just incompatibility?
TLDR: had a very brief relationship. Told him I’m bipolar and now we’re done. How do I differentiate between him being scared of my diagnosis or just incompatible?
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self.bipolar
|
Hello I tried committing suicide last night. I went to wal mart, grabbed some donut holes, orange juice, found some tubbing for a wash machine, and shipping tape. I parked somewhere no one could find me and I hooked eveything up to the exaust and just sat there in my car. After about five minutes I started getting really dizzy. My ex started calling and I opened my window and answered. Why does one person have so much power over me, I wonder. I've been through a lot of shit in 2017.. I'm not saying I'm worst off than everyone else.. I just feel stuck in this swamp of depression. I can't hold a job, and my mom can barely pay the bills. I'm 24 and I'm suppose to be a man, I should be paying the bills for her but instead I'm just trying to get high on anything I can get a hold on.
My ex got pregnant 7 months ago.. I was so excited to have a family. I had this fire and sense of excitement that I knew I was going to do eveything physically and mentally possible to do what had to be done for my family. She ended up changing her mind and I paid for an abortion for her. She dumped me 2 days later and has been sleeping with other dudes since then. I hate depending on people but I can't stop trying to get a hold of her. I'm actually with her right now but I feel like she's only her cause she knows how bad of shape I am in. She's about to go clubbing with a bunch of dudes and especially with one that she told me she slept with recently.
My family isn't very supportative. I've begged for help and I went to a hospital but I don't like it. I just feel even more depressed. I just want to stop feeing this way guys. I was so happy a year ago and now I feel like I can't even look myself in the mirror.. I've lost like 20 pounds in 2 weeks cause I'm just getting worst and worst. I'm about to go home from my exs and I know I'm just going to sit there and be bored and have nothing to do but be depressed.
My parents just got a divorce recently, my dog died, and I'm just lonely..
Sorry for the way I explain things and my English. Never really cared about school as you can see from my writing skills haha.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sorry for the long post, but I need help and I have no one to talk to about it. Hello everyone,
The post contains events that took place in a 10 year span, hence the length of the post. I'll strip off as much as I can. In a couple of months I'll be 30 years old. I've never been a pack animal by any means but that deepened around 10 years ago. I had just finished my first year in uni and it was this random summer day when I was having a coffee with a friend when a friend of his popped up from out of nowhere. At that point of my life I had already met people from every corner of the planet and it was mind boggling how nice, smart and down to earth she was(or at least that's what I wanted to believe). We became friends quickly and got along perfectly. Being a poor student from a former soviet state, I was far from being confident or having a high self esteem, despite being the top of my class and speaking 3 languages so well that even the locals couldn't tell me apart. It took me months to build up the courage to tell her about my feelings. She didn't feel that way about me but we still remained friends. Which would have been fine, except she figured that, affected by my feelings, there was no line I wasn't willing to cross for her and she wasn't particularly bothered to exploit that. And so years went on and at the end even strangers on the street could tell that I was devastated: emotionally, physically and mentally. I graduated, while still being the top student, though that meant nothing to me at that point. I spent several months lurking around, trying to figure out what to do. Eventually I decided to move back home and try to forget her. So one day, without saying a word to anyone, I jumped on a plane and left. After all these years spent abroad, I had no one to relay on but myself and I had to build my life from scratch. I quickly found a fairly decent job and focused entirely on my work. I've barely taken any days off since I started work. In the past 5 years or so, I think I've been off work for less than 20 days. Several years ago I created my own company on which I work at night and it's been a great success.
And then we get to the summer of last year. A guy from work almost forcefully dragged me out and took me on a short trip with his girlfriend and her sister. I was well aware of the fact that my friend's girlfriend was eager to set me up with her sister but I was convinced that after everything I had gone through, there was no force known to man that can dial down my reluctance. Sadly I was wrong. Apparently a smart, funny, slightly odd and gorgeous woman was the force needed. We had a great time, the four of us took a second trip abroad for new years last year and all in all, it was great. With what had happened to me before hardwired into my mind, I kept my feelings for myself. I see her occasionally after work with my friend and his girlfriend but I'm as unwilling to invite her for a drink as ever. And the more I spend going over everything that happened in the last 10 years, I start seeing things I had not seen before:
I am very good at what I do. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with talent or the amount of effort I've put into it or it's a weird form of mild autism and I've somehow hit the sweet spot, but that's the way it is. And sure enough - great job alongside a personal company that's also doing astonishing and having several large corporate clients and about to release the first end user product. All that has allowed me to have a lifestyle few people can even dream about. It came at a price - working 16-20 hours a day and being completely alienated and detached from everything else.
While trying to make a correlation between my personal and work life, it suddenly it hit me - the girl I was in love with in university was part of the perfect demographic group for me - ask for anything and me not expecting anything in return, a.k.a. gold digger: The big problem in her case is that she didn't play her cards well. Everything I achieved was not a question of "if" but rather "when". So in reality she could have gotten so much more out of me by putting a tiny amount of extra effort. For better or worse she didn't. That said, the woman I can barely stop thinking about is the complete opposite of her - much like me, her success is only a question of time. So from a logical standpoint, not doing anything and not telling her anything was the perfect choice: I simply have noting to offer. And as much as it pains me to say it, I love her and I praise every second I get to spend with her. I'm really hoping the day I wake up in the morning and she's no longer the first thing on my mind isn't far. I'd do anything to forget her and move on with my life. I can feel that the whole thing is getting to me. I’m constantly irritated, I’m becoming **very hostile** towards everyone, including those that are close to me. I need to make this stop so things can go back to normal like they were in the prior years. I really need someone to give me a suggestion. How do I get her out of my head?
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self.offmychest
|
Generic Lexapro, I stopped taking it and felt fantastic for 2-3 weeks. Now I'm starting to get anxious again. Anyone experience something like this? I stopped taking it because I didn't feel like it was helping as much. My doctor told me I could stop taking it and see what happens. Well I stopped taking it and started exercising like crazy. I felt fantastic, better than I have in years. Well about 4 days ago I started getting those bits of anxiety waking up everyday. I'm still exercising, but can't get rid of the anxiety around the corners. Also to mention I did take some adipex which is a weight loss medication, which ramped my anxiety way up I know. But only took it 2 days, so I feel like it shouldn't be affecting me anymore. Any thoughts?
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self.depression
|
Hi I've been doing my best to keep happy thoughts. I try to help people out on here to distract myself. Nothing's working. I just don't want to do this anymore. I feel almost certain tonight I'm just getting the job done and I'm ok with it. I don't deserve to suffer anymore -and the people around me don't either.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
CBD Oil? Looking into CBD oil for a loved one to help aid with their current medication. Any advice, positive or negative experiences?
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self.bipolar
|
Giving up I’m 26, getting out of a 4 year relationship with my partner & her 5 year old son.
Things aren’t going to work out for me on my own.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A bit of a startle - more anxiety than depression I guess? Really struggling regardless. I'm all over the place lately so please bear with me. I really need someone to listen.
So I just had a bit of a [rant](https://www.reddit.com/r/MMFB/comments/79rs3h/how_do_you_not_hate_yourself_are_there_any/) the other day. And [another](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/78dnep/maybe_im_not_cut_out_for_real_life/) a little earlier than that. Kind of long but um... I'm at least okay at writing so I hope not too bad a read. I just can't work through all this myself.
I consistently just don't get any response, or any response that feels helpful, so what do I know, eh? No answer just throws me through a whole anxiety loop. Why can't I get any response, on serious emotional stuff or on basic, info-gathering questions, or from hecking google? Like, "What the heck am I doing wrong??? What do I have to do to get real help?? Why is it only being a PHYSICAL DANGER to myself counts or merits attention??" That kind of thing. But when I DO get an answer, especially one that seems like it *'should'* make sense to me, but it only makes things feel all the more impossible... I dunno. It's all I know to do right now.
Today I had a thought that out of depression and anxiety, depression is the side that consistently feels like a crisis; the thing that has to be fixed RIGHT NOW. Because depression isn't just sadness, or irrational thinking, it's intense emotional pain; or emotional withdrawal in response to that. (At least for me.) Whereas with anxiety, (at least for me) I already have a 'solution' that resolves the crisis - just avoid whatever is stressful. Even if it leaves my life in shambles, it doesn't *emotionally, physically* feel like an ongoing crisis because I know how to 'deal with it'.
But the real root problem isn't that depression pain, necessarily; it's the anxiety? That's the wall that tells me I can't, or won't, whenever success comes up for me. That's what the depression brings up; or so I'm thinking. (Too afraid to 'commit' to the idea, but whatever.) That if it was just depression, then I could more calmly just handle it - I have enough experience, I've had all the conversations and I know how they go. But because the pain of depression brings up *anxiety, panic* for me, and I don't know how to deal with that specifically?
Something that isn't exactly a *new* thought but something I've dismissed, because... Well I guess maybe I *want* an emotional answer, and it seems like it's always described in terms of some sterile, easily manipulated physiological or behavioral thing? Not a big deal, emotionally. Which for me, definitely NOT the case...
Or something. With depression or self-esteem I know what to do about that. Gah! No, that's not it!! I really don't know!! I just really loathe/fear the idea that just taking a magic pill, or doing some kind of simplistic 'breathing exercise', feels far too simplistic a solution to a life-rending, cataclysmic problem. And how that makes me feel about myself; how stupid does that feel, to struggle for SO DAMN FRIGGING LONG and then do a stupid breathing exercise, and then 'oh, I guess it wasn't such a big deal then.'
But maybe that itself is just a stupid anxiety. This thing has so many layers, the depressive and anxious aspects are so inseparable, and all the ideas I've convinced myself of or complexes of being stupid or un-unique or 'too far gone' or 'too smart for my own good' or 'behind on life' or anything like that.
In any case, today's trigger...
I thought that I'd do some art study on youtube. But I can't get it right, and the smallest mistakes are unbearable, the biggest successes are meaningless, and I just can't get into it like I did the other night. So I'm just so frustrated, because I'm already tired of my usual diversions. And on top of that I'm worrying about girl, as mentioned in more recent linked post.
Update to that I guess... After some midnight fretting and heart-think I came to the conclusion that the best thing I can do while I "Pursue myself emotionally", regardless of how girl-thing turns out, I can "pursue her platonically" and try not to stress about 'losing my chance while it's in front of me'. Sounds good in theory. If you ignore the internal fire drill that comes at any mention of trying to step into real life again, in any fashion.
Buh. I'm so tired.
Do you ever feel, looking back, like... I feel like there's some huge problem I became 'aware of' really early on in life, and everything else just immediately went on hold. And from then on, it's all that's mattered to me. I am fixated by this thing, and every bit of attention goes towards 'figuring it out'. Concerns of real life, relationships, desires and interests just all kind of take a backseat to the anxiety of this elephant in the room hanging over my head. What the heck IS it?? What is it for???
To the point that real life doesn't feel as 'real' as this thing, and by now I feel so *behind* in life that I'm terrified of jumping in when everyone else has had a lifetime of getting used to it. I'm almost thirty, with what feels like the experience of a 15 year old.
Like, now that I'm finally figuring out that this thing over my head is my anxiety; and how to handle every little hurdle under that is so absolutely overwhelming. And in the back of my mind, is that aching that somehow this thing at least makes me special somehow; vs the fear that I'm just a normal person, just more broken; and the only difference is I have an extra difficulty curve on TOP of the normal one in dealing with all the problems normal people do; the problems I cannot skip, must face one at a time, that people ten years my junior have passed LONG ago. I have nothing grand to offer; so what point is there to living? That kind of thing.
...
...man, that was a mess. I'm sorry about that. Please signal somehow that you're listening out there.
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self.Anxiety
|
Today is my birthday and I spent it alone Hi all! First time poster to r/depression
I have been feeling down for the past couple of days. To top it all off, today is my birthday and I spent it alone and I think that has taken me over the edge. I came home from work and cried. I tried calling the samaritans so I would have someone to talk to but I couldn't go through with it, as soon as the lady picked up the phone and asked if she could help, I put the phone down.
I just can't explain why I'm depressed so I don't want to sound like I'm just complaining. Because I don't have a 'reason' to be depressed, that just makes me angry with myself. Why am I sad when there are other people who have a reason to be but are perfectly fine?!?! This feeling of being down is impacting my work (I feel so distracted and can't focus) and my relationships (I am not interested in talking to other people and so try to avoid them but then I'm sad because I would like friends to socialize with, it's a vicious cycle). For instance, today I don't think I said a word to anyone until they spoke to me/asked me something.
I feel like there is this hazy cloud over my eyes like the scenes you see in your dreams and that I haven't quite fully 'woken' up yet. I kind of feel like a doll who reacts when I am spoken to. I feel like I am not fully there in conversations or events. I feel like I'm watching the events unfold from a distance or like I'm remembering a distant memory.
I can't fully explain it. I'm sorry for rambling. I think it's the winter and the gloomy weather than I can't deal with.
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self.depression
|
Have any of you guys had success with Anti-Depressants or Therapy? I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, I used to get bullied relentlessly through high school and my father was a heavy drinker who left when I was around 12 and acts like I don't exist. I'm not saying these are the reasons I'm depressed but they definitely linger in my brain all the time. I'm 27 now and recently these thoughts have been getting over overwhelming. I have everything that's supposed to bring you joy, a girlfriend, a dog, a house, decent job and a car but I'm still miserable. I'm miserable to the point where I fantasize about killing myself multiple times a day and I think it's time I got some serious help. Do anti depressants actually work? I've heard they just make you "numb" which wouldn't help as I hardly feel anything as it is. Any advice on finding a decent therapist? did therapy help any of you? Thanks guys.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Doggie Day I️ just wanted to hop on this train and thank everyone for posting all these pictures of your pets. I️ recently had to put my dog down and have been struggling with the decision of getting another dog. I’ve been wrestling with the fear that I️ won’t be able to handle the responsibility of another life and my bipolar. Seeing all these pets and dogs so happy is really encouraging. I️ just wanted to say thanks and all your pets are adorable!!
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone else not even feel good jerking off anymore I like the idea at first most of the time then when I start doing it most of the time I just feel pathetic or gross. Other people my age are having sex and I'm sitting here jerking off to unrealistic porn. Loser. I watch it and just think "that's not gonna happen for a long time". I'm not a virgin, I just know it's not gonna happen for a long time. Which is ok, I'm not really trying, the thought just still bothers me. Really I'd much rather have a good friend or two irl than a girlfriend. But I don't even have that.
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self.depression
|
Anyone get extremely horny on Abilify? Jesus Christ I just started Abilify again for the 3rd time and I feel like I need to masturbate 5 times a day. I don't like that I feel this physically stimulated by this med
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self.bipolar
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New here, upped dose of lexapro. I have general anxiety. Some seasons I experience no anxiety whatsoever and other seasons anxiety seems to get its grip ever so tightly. Most of the time my anxiety doesn’t manifest in my thoughts but moreso my body. I get internal tremors which seem to be the worst when I’m idle. Is this common? I get hyper aware of my heart beat and have muscle tension in my limbs it feels like. Also do many of you use lexapro? I’ve been on 10mg for 6 months and it’s been great! But the last 3 weeks have been really difficult as my wife and children are in the Philippines and I’m home working and occasionally worried about them. We’re up to 20mg today and I’m slightly shaky. Just here for support and to find common ground with those who battle similarly to me.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm tired of hurting her. (trigger warning) I post this to vent and seek some support. I can't talk to my parents, because they are already too involved In my marriage as it is. I barely speak to my brother. And I don't have any friends who I feel I can let know my troubles...please don't read anymore if you may be triggered by an emotional dump.
I FUCKED up. Im a teacher, on the last few days of winter break. Yesterday I went out in an ice storm, using my wife's car while she used mine (longer drive for her that day), to spend 12 on gas station junk food. I ate an entire big bag of m&ms and downed 3 energy drinks. I'm lucky my heart hasn't exploded.
I keep hurting my wife with my actions. Whenever I'm riding my mania or wallowing in depression I turn to spending money. Buying junk food specifically. Ive battled my weight my entire life and have gained awful pleasure from both the spending and the consuming. Each purchase wastes our funds, often times given by my rich parents to help us out.
This morning my wife questioned if i need to be a teacher. Because every break I've FUCKEDUP like this. I feel good I feel relaxed and rejuvenating before I go back to work and I want to eat my weight in joy.
My relationship has already been through so much pain, always caused by me. My head is a swirling mess of doubt and darkness. I've rescheduled my therapist for tomorrow. I feel like I need to be gagged blindfolded and chained up on break so I can't harm anyone.
Lately we have been talking about having kids. She has been on the fence about the idea but I've been adamant about wanting them. Now I'm not sure if I should, As much as I want it I'm not sure if I want to subject a child of mine to my inability to function.
I am tired of hurting her. I am tired of hurting.
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self.bipolar
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Anyone with ADHD and Bipolar? Okay so it took my doctor 3 years to finally give me something for my always known adhd. At that time I prescribed Strattera. It didn’t do anything but make me super sweaty and sleepy. I was then prescribed short acting ritalin to take twice a day and the crash would make me sleepy and mild depressed and lazy. I was then prescribed Ritalin LA which helps, however it only lasts 4 to 5 hours and I get another crash of sleepy and mild depression. My husband is on vyvanse and I just took one and I feel much more focused and productive. Not manic productive but where I feel like I need to be. It is supposed to last up to 12 hrs. Should I tell my psychiatrist that I tried it just once and that it worked much better for me than what she prescribed? I’m on two mood stabilizers so there’s no way I’m going to get manic. I only get hypomanic sometimes and nothing bad happens and it only lasts like a couple days. I usually stay on the depressive side of things. I just want something that helps me get through the day. I have a 5 year old and when he gets home from school thats when I have the ritalin crash. I did so bad in school this semester due to bipolar mood swings and ADHD. I’m just afraid to tell her that I tried it and don’t want her to think I’m trying to seek out drugs or make myself manic.
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self.bipolar
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How to deal with health related anxiety? To make a long story short: after a huge panic attack from smoking bad weed I developed depersonalization/derealization and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few months later. Because of feeling really weird and just different than I used to, I started getting anxiety that there's something wrong with my brain. The anxiety gave me heart palpitations which made me worry about my heart. And this whole thing has spiraled out of control where now anytime I feel anything out of the ordinary I go on a googling spree and freak myself out and think I'm dying (even though I really know I'm not- but I still get nervous). Does anyone else deal with health anxiety or have tips on how to cope with it?
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self.Anxiety
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Tired of fighting The last few months since my diagnoses have been difficult to say the least. At first I was doing well and was able to be what I thought at the time was stable. Looking back I was more likely going through a hypomanic episode. I've come crashing down since then and I'm just so tired. I'm tired of doctors visits and medical bills. Tired of always trying to be on top of my mood. Tired of failing to do the most basic tasks. Tired of crying. Tired of relying on my fiancé to do so much when he's already got so much on his plate.
And now on top of everything my therapist thinks I probably have an eating disorder. I've lost an alarming amount of weight in the last few months and I know that what I'm doing is unhealthy but I'm struggling so hard to simply be healthy.
I'm just so tired of fighting. And I'm even more tired of losing.
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self.bipolar
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I'm a selfish aashole And the worst part is I don't want to change. I realize what I am and I'm content with it.
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self.offmychest
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I just want somebody to talk to me I'm fairly sure nobody has started a real conversation with me in the last week. Im always texting people first.
My 'friends' know I'm depressed. Some know I'm suicidal. I just want somebody to talk to Me, to ask me to hang out. I always see all the other guys who I sometimes used to talk to hanging out and having fun and I just want to have that. I just want somebody to call me and say "Hey, how are you? Let's hang out, go get ice cream and just sit somewhere"
Every time somebody says "I'm here if you want to talk" I just know I hardly will. Its so hard for me to ever ask somebody to hang out, or to even talk to them. Its so tiring and awkward and reaching out just hurts as well. I just wish I didn't have to reach out
I'm not going to start talking to anybody this week. Im going to see if anybody notices I've checked out, see if anybody talks to me or asks to see me outside school
Not sure if I'll do anything if nobody does, but I'll feel less bad about it if I do. I think knowing that my mother would follow me if I killed myself is the only thing keeping me here
Please dont pm me saying you want to talk. I know it's only because you would feel bad if I died. Its not real, and to me you're not real. It doesn't count.
I just feel so alone
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self.depression
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Stuck Ever since I was a kid, I've been obsessed with cars, and since I could drive all my friends would bring me their cars to modify. Driving was my therapy on top of biweekly therapy sessions. I've been building a car for nearly a year, my only vehicle, and the road to finish it has been difficult and expensive, but now that the end of the build is nearly here, I'm terrified to finish it, because I feel like in the past year, the only thing that's kept me hanging on is the fact I've got unfinished business. I don't know what's going to keep me going after I've finished
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate myself I hate that I always think I’m dying. I hate that no matter what anyone says, I can’t think logically during an episode. I’m obsessing over my heart rate. I keep checking it (using my pulse, just ordered a bloody pressure machine ) and it’s freaking me out. I’ve been dealing with anxiety (among other mental illnesses) all my life and I’m just so tired. I keep thinking I’m dying...how can I tell the difference between real and panic attack??? :(
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self.Anxiety
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i can't find happiness anymore and it's pushing me away from everyone i love [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Several sources of anxiety conspiring to make my life hell I have ADHD, am recovering from fearful-avoidant attachment, and have social anxiety issues. I am on meds and see a therapist.
My conditions have done a few things:
* make me fuck up my research in my rotations (I’m in grad school)
* make me somewhat socially awkward because I miss little things and don’t always interpret cues correctly
* make it difficult for me to remember things when I need to because I’m swimming in anxiety
* make me sabotage my relationships
All of these things feed into each other and make my life even worse.
I’m working to patch these things up, but if you have any concrete suggestions for how to break the various vicious cycles of social anxiety and insecure attachment I’m all ears because I’m out of ideas.
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self.Anxiety
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Please do not judge me So I am currently 31 years old and married for a little bit over a year.
I have been very faithful to my wife even when we were just going out and I never had any problems with cheating or anything and I never thought that I would have any struggle with this.
So Me and my wife works in the same company but with a different team. I met this woman in my team and at first I just thought she was awesome and all that.
Because of a lot of unplanned things we really got close and at first I jist thought this is nothing out of the ordinary until I realized that I have fallen in love with this lady...
Nobody knows about this so It’s a lot harder since I have no one to vent this all out on. I am so depressed with the fact that I had to deal with this after I got married.
I have not cheated on my wife and even if I wanted to I do not think my friend will see me this way and to be honest I don’t want to hirt my wife since she deserve better and I don’t want to start an affair with my friend because she deserves to be in a legit relationship.
Everyday I have to put up a face so that my wife can be happy and my friend won’t suspect anything and this is really killing my inside right now..
Everyday there is not a minute that goes by without me thinking of taking my life. The only thing preventing me from doing this is the fact that me killing myself will hurt a lot of people..
I don’t know what to do, I need help...
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self.depression
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Details about seroquel withdrawal My bf was instructed to titrate off of seroquel. It's a drug that works for me, but it was a disaster for him, so I'm glad they took him off. For ~8 months he was taking 100mg at bedtime. As of last Thursday, he stepped down to 50mg. For about half that time he has felt crummy, but the last ~36 hours he's been in severe agonizing withdrawal. He's supposed to cease taking it at all on this coming Thursday.
What I want to know is, if any out there has dealt with similar doses and titration, how long did the worst of your withdrawal last? I know it's one of the worst meds to come off of, and he also knew that going in. But it would be reassuring for me to hear some guesstimates of how long he might have to go through this.
God only knows what will happen to me if I ever have to quit, myself. I'm on 300mg daily, lol.
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self.bipolar
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How and to whom do you talk about your mental problems? Most of the people here either experience depression or mental problems or know people who suffer from it. My question is how do you actually talk to someone about your mental problems? Who do you approach? What do you say?
In the last 4 years i haven't been doing great and i have yet to talk to a single person about it irl and told one person online. I just don't know how to do it, I am afraid to look weak,...
(I know this question may have been asked multiple times on here but i am just looking for a conversation about it.)
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self.depression
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Does anyone else ever feel this way? I'm generally an empath which means on normal days, I feel everyone's feelings acutely. But recently whenever I slip into a depressed state, I feel my own emotions acutely. My feelings are all even more hightened.
The smallest negative comment will get me wanting to cry a river, the lamest comment will want me to laugh my intestines out, and the tiniest rude or bad thing will make me want to well become like Klaus Michaelson or the Punisher in their darkest states. The only thing I don't really feel at all is happiness, i'll smile but not really feel anything. And when I'm alone or not doing anything, i'm super numb and okay with just staring at the wall for hours.
I only feel a small sense of peace when I'm praying but the minute I'm done, there's a second of wanting to be hugged, held, comforted, to feel safe where I can let someone else take care of me and give up, and then just like that i'm back to being numb again.
I don't know what's going on but it has got me super tired all the time.
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self.depression
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I don't really know who to talk to about this. Here's the thing: I fantasize about suicide daily, and I'm not sure I should.
By all reasonable metrics, my life is a lot better than it was even a few years ago. I'm no longer at risk, I'm in a stable, loving relationship, and I have a decent job that doesn't require me to overwork myself.
Even so... I still fantasize about killing myself on bad days.
I know I wouldn't do it, if only because I know how difficult that would be for my family. My PTSD support animal, an older special needs cat, would almost certainly be euthanized if I went through with it, and if she wasn't euthanized by some random miracle, she'd probably follow me into the grave. (She doesn't eat when I leave for long periods of time.) My biological daughter would have to live with my decision, and with the knowledge that a lot of this is probably being caused by postpartum depression; that's not the kind of legacy I want to give her. I have precious little else to offer, but I at least want her to know that she isn't to blame for my pain.
Even so, I actively fantasize about death on the days when my anxiety doesn't seem to have an end. I need support, and I don't know where to get it because I don't have many friends (in part because I had a minor breakdown shortly before I had brain surgery, and I'm still sorting through it). I feel isolated and alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I am perpetually scared that my anxiety will ruin my relationship I have been in a relationship for close on a year now, everything is wonderful, apart from the issues caused by invasion anxious thoughts. I feel as though i am constantly creating problems that do not exist, overanalysing each interacting until i am convinced he will leave me. even if there is no indication that this is the case i will find a way to convince myself that he hasn’t fallen out of love with me. i am braking my own heart and i don’t want to inevitably push him away by being needy and fragile, I am just so terrified of losing him.
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self.Anxiety
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What is wrong with me? How can I make it stop? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Not mentally well after car accident. I recently had a car accident, where I was rear-ended. This is my first accident, and I’m in my early twenties. It was just a lot, my car is out of commission, I ended up going to the hospital, stressfully going through the insurance companies. However, I’ve just been completely stressed and unable to really focus. It’s been a few days. Also, my partner was with me, so I feel horrible for driving when we were in an accident. The accident was not my fault, but I still keep blaming myself. Thankfully, I only suffered minor injuries and my partner is okay. Still I feel guilt and just bad in general. There is also a lot of fuss from my family and from people, so that only adds to my stress. I don’t really know what exactly to do besides just keep myself distracted, and make sure I’m keeping up with everything I need to.
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self.offmychest
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Ran away from party due to anxiety, how do I make amends? Hi everyone,
I kinda would like some advice here.
I've been struggling with anxiety for a long time, but I usually manage to keep it under control.
However, during a birthday party of a friend two days ago, I lost control.
It was in a bar with karaoké.
Singing means a lot to me, considering I'm in a showchoir and it's one of the few things I can actually get an ego-boost out of (which I oftentimes sorely need).
However, Wednesday during the party I had next to no voice (because of the singing and talking the day before), but I got encouraged by friends to sing a song.
I decided to sing "Little Piece of heaven - A7X" with a friend and when we started singing, I missed a note because I couldn't reach it due to my hoarse throat.
Instead of just having fun, I said "I can't do this" in the mic and ran outside.
My friend sent me texts and said it was OK, after which I quickly ran inside to get my stuff and ran out again without making eye contact with anyone at the party.
I've been trying to evade people, but tomorrow evening I'm supposed to go to a new year's party and I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to face the shame.
Not going isn't really an option either; I kinda want to go and I know people will judge even more if I sit at home wallowing in my self-pity.
I feel like no choice I can make is a good one here...
I have a therapist, but not the kind I have close contact with (I only see him once every two weeks and the next meeting is scheduled on the 9th).
What should I do?
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self.Anxiety
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will i have another bad day? already posted this, but as usual nobody seems to reply to my posts.
the past week has been horrible to me but today i’m feeling quite nice. Yesterday I wanted to cut my neck and today I feel like jamming and I finally laughed again. I’m scared of falling back into a bad day, is it possible that I might havw another bad day? I’m on antipsychotics, lexapro and clonazepam
**please reply**
EDIT: is it possible to rebounce into shitty days while on treatment?
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self.depression
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Question about dark thoughts and suicide ideation I feel that my brain is unraveling a bit. My psychological state is not always stable and I fear there may be something more at play with the health of my brain. I'm writing this to see if anybody else has experienced this and what it could possibly be.
For years I've had days where I'd drift into a nearly catatonic state. I have trouble communicating and gaining the motivation to physically move. I just disappear for a day or an evening. Lately though, it extends to multiple days at a time.
During these dark moments, suicide ideation is the overarching theme. How? Where? When? Years ago the answers were more abstract. Now when I'm in these moments, the answers are becoming much clearer and closer. I've also been putting a bit of time into thinking through the aftermath and making sure it would be as tidy as possible with life insurance, belongings, etc.
After this dark period (1-3 days), I will wake up and be my typical self. Nobody in my life would suspect where my mind was when I was "too tired to move." I'm in my 30's and have a loving family, amazing wife, and great friends. My physical health is excellent and have a tolerable job.
I have had some serious head injuries. I'm not sure what the concussion count is, but there have been 2 significant, wake-up-in-the-hospital concussions, and 10+ years of competitive amateur boxing.
I've never discussed this with anybody, but I'm hoping somebody else can share any similar experiences...Depression? Head Injuries? Subconscious escapist fantasies?
Thanks for any comments.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm not sure how to truly "Feel" anymore Everything is so numb and i feel drained. I need a sense of community, but I have trouble connecting to people out of personal shame. I push people away when I need them to stay around, in backwards hope that they will pull me closer. I feel like a screaming child that no one wants to comfort because the screaming has gotten on everyone's nerves.
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self.depression
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I'm a burden to my friends and I can't bring myself to improve [deleted]
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self.depression
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My dad used to be a HUGE racist, now he’s been with a black Jamaican woman for almost eight years. My dad split with my Mum when I was 10 (I’m now 19) he used to be incredibly racist, him and my uncle used to text each other racist jokes. He would slag black people off if he saw them in our town (not many black people where I live). Now he is with a black Jamaican woman and is so much happier compared to when he was with my Mum. How can someone go from hating black people to being in a relationship with a black person? Was he really racist in the first place or what? He met her in a club and met her again in the same club a few weeks after (coincidently) and he’s been with her ever since. What do people think of this? Has he put his views to the side now, I don’t think he could truly HATE black people like he said he did if he can be in a relationship with one.
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self.offmychest
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im only a kid im not even fucking 15 yet and im just so sick of what life has given me so far. ptsd, a mother only obsessed about me getting good grades. i love my little brother; hes really why im not dead yet. but im gonna cave in. at the moment i feel empty. i just feel like theres a giant weight on my chest. i just want to die so it can go away. im so tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
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A long rant about my mom/abuser I'm a 21 year old girl who is in a pretty tough situation. All my life I've lived with a mom who mentally abuses me. She can be sweet as pie one minute, and the next she could be screaming in my face. She's my only family besides a sister, and it's just really hard having a parent who is in fact not a parent at all. She is on disability and sits at home all day long drinking beers and watching tv. She can't have proper conversations because she has severe ADHD and bipolar. I have to go to school and work full time just so I can support myself and her. I feel like I never even got a childhood. Everyone that has seen my mom and I always comment that I'm more of the mom and she's the daughter. She spends money she doesn't have constantly, and I have to give her money multiple times a month so she won't overdraft. She doesn't respect me. She manipulates me into doing things for her. I feel like I'm just her full time care taker. She says things that hurt me so badly, like I'm a bad daughter, a shitty person, and that she disowns me. She will threaten her life if I don't do things for her. I barely have a social life because I'm constantly at home taking care of her, and the rare times I go out she is constantly calling me or texting me or getting herself into trouble so I have to go back. Obviously someone would just ignore this, and I've tried, but if I ignore her she threatens to kick me out, and then goes on to call me horrible things. She's a very scared person, and she overthinks everything. She always assumes that me and everyone else is out to get her. It's like no matter what I do I can't win. She's on housing and will lose it if I move out. I'm not sure she could support herself, and she could even end up homeless if I move out. I've really been considering moving next year, but I'm worried about what will happen after I leave. I feel so hopeless sometimes. I know I need to get out because having my mom in my life is literally killing me. My mental health has never been so bad. I'm becoming depressed and my anxiety is through the roof lately. I know I need to move out and even possibly cut her out of my life, I'm just scared. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it. Sorry for the rant and thank you.
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self.offmychest
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Whats the best way to talk to My boss about my anxiety? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It's ok to be sad. Just don't let fear run your life. Today, I woke up feeling shitty.
I got up later than usual and I was glad I had leftover food from the day before, because I didn't have the energy to make a simple sandwich.
I go to work and I do my day as usual. It made me at least put aside the sadness. For a bit, though. I could always see it.
At the end I never had my leftover food. I bought a tasty scone for breakfast and I had only fries for lunch. I've been losing weight and being mindful of what I eat but today I wanted to feel good for a bit.
I had drawing sessions today and I was thinking to bail. I just wanted to go home and play a bit. To forget I was feeling sad. Making an effort reminded me that .
I'm an incredibly sensitive person. I get hurt easily and it shows sometimes, even when I try to hide it. It's annoying in a world where you can't be allowed to be sad. People scold you for that. People get away from you for that.
They say that you shouldn't be sad. And damn you try your best not to do it. But always fail and end up feeling worse and thinking "Why can't I be better?"
Then you get to the conclusion that, in order to stop being sad, you need to stop putting yourself in situations where you can get hurt, because you want to feel good about yourself! People looooove happy persons! So, you put that wall. And the fear has begun. The fear to trust, the fear to make mistakes, the fear to put yourself out there.
I've lived a huge amount of my life in fear. I've avoided places I liked because I was running away from people who hurt me. I've been quiet because I'm afraid to say something stupid. I've avoided to dance because I'm scared to look silly. I'm terrified of singing because my voice is horrible.
But the truth is that I want to go to the places I like, I love to dance and sing, I want people to notice me and say how I feel.
I realized today I was afraid. And I don't want to live in fear of showing who I am.
Yes, some people will think you're silly, stupid or crazy. And it will hurt. A lot. But there will be people that will think you're cool, intelligent and spontaneous. They will enrich your life, because they will be people who are there because of who you are. You'll make mistakes. And they will hurt. But you will learn for the next time and do it a little bit better.
Because maybe, at the end, the sadness is not the thing that hinders our life. Is letting fear take over and dictate your decisions. And I don't want to live like that.
And that thought made me go to my drawing sessions. Made me walk 50 blocks in total so I could burn the trash I ate today and eat a simple sandwich without feeling guilty. It will make me work on the things I like because I want to share them. It will make me show the cool person I am.
I like to think that I'm playing the game in a high difficulty. Thinking in a impartial way that's not true. But I feel it to be true, and I won't try to change that. Because that only means the satisfaction of overcoming the obstacles will be enormous.
So, be sad my friend. That's ok. Being afraid is ok, too. Just, little by little, stop it from running your life.
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self.offmychest
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I hate the company Bell. I hate them so much. Customer service is so shitty I cant even fucking explain one more time to another person why my bill is never what they say it will be. And why my TV never works. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Just scored a 66 on the bAI Just trying to calm down right now and needed a place to vent, without going into a lot of detail I thought I did something illegal but according to 2 lawyers I talked with on the phone, several lawyers online, my wife, and my new therapist I've done nothing illegal and I'm still panicking. Just here looking for some help
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self.Anxiety
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Why has my life been the same and torturous for such a long time. No matter how hard I try to change, nothing works in the end. I always go back to my old self.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Thanks for this time folks. I hope people who needs the help find it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anyone have success with atypical antipsychotics ever or currently? I tried a low dose of risperdal a while back and it did help provide relief of my severe anxiety and agitation think I took .5 to start and maybe then a full gram at bed time but stopped because I immediately started gaining weight and was zapped but honestly idgaf anymore about being a zombie I'm pretty much past the point of caring I just want the anxiety lessened. The weight gain would still bother me but I know there are newer atypicals that don't cause the weight gain.
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self.Anxiety
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Thought I finally made my first friend in college. Turns out they didn't even like me. I've been friendless my entire life (not by choice) and extremely depressed since I was young, as a result (high school people stopped talking to me after we graduated). I'm a senior in college and have only my roommate who I consider a friend. This semester I became really good friends with a girl who I had two of my classes with. Or so I thought. We got along really well and had conversations that didn't revolve around school . I even hung out with her for lunch occasionally with her friend group (they go to the campus soup kitchen so i asked if i could join) and it was really fun. I haven't felt so wanted in my entire life. For once in a very very long time, I thought to myself "maybe life isn't so bad after all".
Exams just finished so i sent her a message along the lines of "Thank god its over. Want to hang out this week before we leave for the break". We were talking back and forth about the exam before i wrote that
Silence. She saw the message and hasn't responded. That was days ago. The event triggered me and i've been super suicidal since. I'll always be unlikeable. I've never met someone who genuinely wanted to get to know me. I'm useless/worthless. I don't deserve life. I don't understand what I do wrong...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to be spoiled for once. At the mall this weekend I was waiting in line at lush when a guy got in line behind me holding a bunch of bags. From the looks of it he had chocolate, candles, a box of cupcakes and was in the process of buying a bath bomb. I joked with him and asked if he was going to treat himself to a spa weekend. He gave me a shy smile and said that it was actually for his SO. I told him that was sweet and asked what the occasion was. Anniversary? Birthday?
Nah, he replied, it was just that he felt his SO had a rough week and he wanted to spoil her when she came by this weekend. Planned on treating her to a hot bubble bath with cupcakes, chocolates and candles. I told him he was very kind, made my purchase and left the store.
I swear if I ever met a guy who would serve me cupcakes and chocolate while I was in the bath I would just melt. I've never been spoiled like that in any of my relationships and I feel like I somehow missed the boat. My exBF thought bringing over a 6 pack of beer for the evening was being generous. Even though he ended up drinking 4 or 5 of those beers.
I just want to be spoiled for once! God it would be so amazing to come home and have a nice hot bath waiting for me. I wouldn't even need the cupcakes or the chocolates. Sure I could buy all those things for myself, but it just wouldn't be the same.
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self.offmychest
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Tingling or numbness with anxiety or panic attacks? Hi everyone.
I don’t really suffer from major anxiety on a regular basis. But, without getting into too many details, I’m going through a pretty tough break up from a long relationship, and along with the the normal depression that would come with something like that, I’m also having really bad anxiety attacks. I’ve had anxiety attacks before, but it’s never been like this. I can barely breath and have almost no control over my breathing, I feel numbness and tingling in my face and sometimes my stomach and chest, and I also feel physical pain in stomach and chest too. When it’s over I usually feel very weak and lightheaded.
I’m just wondering if anyone has felt the same way during or after an anxiety attack, or if I should be rushing to the hospital or something. It’s really scary for someone who hasn’t gone through it before. I do plan on seeing a doctor about the anxiety in general, but I don’t know if I should be legitimately worried about the anxiety attacks.
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self.Anxiety
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Everything we do, we do to find a mate [deleted]
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self.depression
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Strangely content right now. Not sure why I’m posting this, just felt like it.
I have plans to kill myself on February 1st.
And with my limited time left on Earth I am spending it fishing in world of Warcraft trying to get 925(ish) drowned mana so I can get a fish mount I want, I also just watched some movie and now I have the office playing on my TV. And I feel pretty okay right now. It’s rare for me to feel okay. So for now I’ll just keep fishing and watching the office.
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self.depression
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dopamine hi,
I'm 47, male, height 1.77m, weight 66Kg, caucasian, from The Netherlands.
Current medication : Sertraline (Zoloft) 100mg
If I boost Serotonin, I feel generally better (less depressed and less anxiety), which is good of course. But only when I boost Dopamine I become prosocial. Instead of running away from people, avoiding contact, I actually go to them and I even enjoy a little chat! Prosocial behaviour almost never occurs unless I boost dopamine, so I guess, by nature, I'm always low on dopamine?
I started boosting this two weeks ago by using Alpha GPC, Uridine, or, L-phenylalanine. They work really great! It makes me the person I would love to be, and the person that I need to be for my family and friends, and for my work.
My question: how can I boost dopamine safely and consistently, in other words thinking (very) long term? I read many things about dopamine boosting nootropics/medication that easily causes tolerance and eventually also poop-out.
Is there even a real long-term, daily, manageable and consistent solution?
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Treating Anxiety and depression with the state of Enlightenment If you are sick of life spiraling into loops of depression and anxiety all the time (or if its constant), and are open minded to an actual solution. Than I have it for you. Given that there are many sources of information on the internet leading to falsehood, you know you can't trust many. I've been there. But one person I knew I could trust, was my dad. Lucky for me, not knowing he had been through what I've been through, I asked him for help. He lead me through meditation and various other things to stop the mind from being so active. Whatever your stance on "spirituality" or "religion", it doesn't matter. They're all concepts. If you're willing to give up the concepts to give up the suffering in your life, than this is for you. My dad and I are starting up a series, and the goal is to relieve as much human suffering as possible, by sharing powerful words with energy behind it, sparking a connection with the truth you're witnessing, to help you transcend your conceptual thoughts, and transcend all of your limitations. Of course I can't describe this whole process through 1 post so be sure to check out The Enlightenment Series and subscribe to stay followed. After 1 year of "spiritual" work and inner work, I am almost completely anxiety free, compared to being crippled on my bed not eating. I know how hard it is to trust people in the state that you're in, feeling like the whole world and everybody around you is out to get you. But the key is to just have an open mind. The worst that could happen is that your life changes forever. The best that can happen is everything. It is possible to transmute your suffering into the highest state. Have an open mind and practice what we will lay out for you, and your life will inevitably change. Best of luck to all of you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THivY4SYcc0
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self.Anxiety
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I don't know if I can do this for much longer I'm only 16 but I already feel like a tired, worn out old man. Everyday it feels like life beats me down just little more until it starts adding up and I just feel constantly tired and miserable. Life is so fucking complicated, too. There's so much shit I have to do yet I never have any motivation to do it. I always feel behind the other kids, like I never know what's going on and they have their lives all figured out. What jobs they want, what they want to major in, and I'm here just sleepwalking through each day never paying attention. Honestly, if this is how life is, I don't know that I want to experience decades more of it. That's all.
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self.SuicideWatch
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money stress My stress / anxiety rests solely with money. I have a good job, my wife has a stable, good job. Neither of us make a crazy amount of money, but (most) of our bills are paid on time without issue.
I have 70k of student debt, together we have 10k of CC debt, and I can't stop thinking about it. The holiday's make all of this so much worse, I wake up shaking, stressed out that our bank acct is hovering on 0. I can't stop thinking about "what if something happens - how are we going to pay for it???"
She doesn't really understand it, and she has battled anxiety her whole life, so I feel bad bringing it up.
I feel every day like my heart is going to explode, like I'm going to pop, and just keel over. I don't know who to talk to about it.
Any suggestions?
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self.Anxiety
|
Finally something positive I nailed another interview this morning. And have a phone interview this afternoon. This is the longest ive been without work in 4 years. Its driving me crazy. But im pushing through. Even when my life feels like its in shambles, im pushing through.
I got squeezed in to see my psychiatrist yesterday because things were getting extra bad. Got prescribed depakote. Had some wonderful dreams last night and woke up this morning ready to jump back on the horse.
Im still having some issues with wanting to push people away though. And im almost drowning in stress. But i will pull through this.
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self.bipolar
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Feeling more empty than I ever have before Using a throwaway because I don't want this to be linked to my main account.
I feel like every bit of life has been sapped from my soul. The flesh aches and the mind withers.
My passions have left me; I can't enjoy video games, I can't will myself out of the house to see The Last Jedi even though I've wanted to see it since it was announced. Even my mother, who is my sunshine, and likely the soul reason I'm alive right now doesn't seem to be enough. I've promised her I'd never hurt myself but that promise just seems pointless. I hurt her every day. I know it would kill her if I were to kill myself, but that sentiment is growing harder to behold.
Everything just seems so grey. When I look out the window all I can see is the grey sky. It's just so dull. Nothing excites me anymore. All I can do is listen to music and lie in my bed. I'm not sure if I'm going to do it. I still can't stand the idea of my mom finding me with my throat cut and covered in blood or her crying at my funeral. Nothing else matters really. I just don't want to hurt those that I love.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just took 18 prozac, now what? I read that its not even near a lethal dosage, but fuck, I'm scared. It was a heat of the moment thing and I don't know what to do
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self.SuicideWatch
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Work life, anxiety life Anybody else consider completely changing careers to accommodate anxiety?
The past year and a half I've had such a bad time with anxiety. I wake up just completely nauseated knowing I have to go into work, my gut is a mess, and I have nightmares constantly. The past 6 months it's really, really affected my health and I'm missing work like crazy. If I weren't my own boss I would be out of a job, but I'm not really making enough money to save anything.
My job is leading/talking/social interaction all day intensely and all I dream of right now is a desk job where people interaction is minimal. I'll take a huge pay cut, but I kinda don't care. I'm in my late twenties but I am just now realizing how much it's affecting my employability.
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self.Anxiety
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Putting together a list of job search anxieties-- what am I missing? I'm putting together a list of areas that make people anxious during a job search, and might cause them to make a misstep choosing/improving employment options. I'm thinking about things that fall into the "will I get the job?" category as well as the "am I making the right decisions?" category. Here's what I have so far:
**Worthiness/qualifications**
* too inexperienced
* job hopping
* long unemployment gaps
* Short stay at company-- quit early or got fired
* Too old/too young
* Unqualified for jobs in a certain field
* Few interviews
* No understanding of your competition
**Outside factors**
* Inappropriate social media
* Unflattering Web Presence / publicity
* No Web presence / publicity
**Active job search**
* no callbacks from resume submissions
* trouble writing resume
* trouble writing cover letter
* Uncomfortable interviewing
* Can't get past recruiters
* Trouble networking effectively/at all
* Don't feel qualified for jobs based on their description
* Kept in the dark during phases of interview
* Shifts in employers' needs after you've talked to them
* Submitting materials for online job applications with deadlines (all materials required and materials customized for employer)
**Getting an offer**
* Conditions different from expected offer
* offer too low
* contract instead of hired
**Working at a new company**
* Will I fit in the culture?
* Will I be able to get along with my boss?
* Hired by someone I don't report to
* Will I be able to keep up with business environment?
* Will I be able to keep up with the work?
* How's the commute?
**Is it worth the time?**
* Creating profiles for jobs that you'll never hear back for
* Networking with people who won't hire you
Am I missing any causes of job search anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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Can you experience fatigue from depression without your mood being low? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’m still super depressed...but I couldn’t get the strength to end my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Amphetamines And Bipolar I have heard the EXTREMELY rare cases of someone having bipolar being prescribed Adderall. It helps with motivation, sense of well being, focus etc.
But, I can only imagine that it could easily send one into mania. Any experiences or opinions?
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self.bipolar
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Reputable online screening I really think I have bipolarity, I really don't want anyone else to know, especially family, and was wondering if you all could recommend a reliable, reputable online test for it. I just want to have a more firm comprehension of what I feel. Thanks in advance!
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self.bipolar
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I have no friends. I'm all alone. I just feel like giving up. I'm 27 years old, Indian-American originally from NY. I moved to the Bay Area about 7 months ago after losing my job and going through a rough breakup back home. Thought I could "start fresh" or something.
I love my job and my company, but I don't get much social interaction outside of that. I've gone out with my coworkers a few times and I've slowly been building those relationships, however they are all local and have friends and family here. I have no one.
Although my job is great, I still live paycheck to paycheck and I hate being so poor and lonely. For this Thanksgiving, both of my roommates are gone and I am all alone. Don't have the money to go see my family so I'm probably going get drunk by myself.
I wish I had used college to make more meaningful and lasting friendships. It's just so hard to meet people and build a new social circle after 25. People don't make friends after that age, they already have their own from school and college. They only make acquaintances.
When I go on social media and see people having a blast with their friends, I just feel like a total loser.
Idk I just wish I had someone besides my parents who actually gave a fuck about me. I don't know how to get out of this black pit.
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self.depression
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Everyday is a battle and I am finally on the winning side! 8^) A wee little rant/backstory ...
A few months ago I tried to kill myself by crashing my car. I woke up with a totaled car and only minor scrapes and cuts. I told the story that I was high when I crashed, but I was very aware of what I was doing. I am still dealing with the consequences from this, but it made me realize I was living my life in anger for absolutely no reason and I have since taken many steps to improve myself.
I started with the basics, eating 3 meals a day, sleeping 6-8 hours every night and staying active with new hobbies. I take long hikes in nature trails around my city (which I am very fortunate to have) a few times a week and take photos of any cool landscapes or nifty things I find. My mom gave me her old banjo, but I have yet to start on that. I managed to finish out the semester in my community college classes (barely, but hey I did it) , got a new a full time job at a cafe and moved out of my mom's place all while relying on public transportation or a 15 min bike commute.
Next semester I am going to school part time in order to afford rent and relax a little bit.
I have a lot more free time now that school is done, but I find myself feeling kinda lonely and emotionally numb?!? I stopped talking to a lot of my friends and the person I consider my best friend, I have not seen in a few months, we still snap and text occasionally and make plans to meet up, but that never happens. I also kinda gave up on any sort of romantic pursuits, but that has actually never really been a factor in my life anyway. My coworkers and housemates call me a robot since they don't really see me smile or get mad. I just don't see a reason to get angry about anything after being angry at everything for so long.
I did manage to find some hiking buddies during some of my hikes, that I meet up with once a week or so.
Everything just feels so weird now. I feel a great appreciation for the world and life itself. Whenever I go hiking, I get lost in thoughts staring at the trees and how the limbs flow with the wind. I usually wander around until I find a nice quiet overlook and read or listen to music until it gets dark.
I just feel like I am in some sort of weird lonely limbo right now, I still cry at night sometimes in confusion, but I know I'll be okay. I guess I'll join a gym now and start gaining some more weight. Gotta keep improving myself and see what else the world has to offer.
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self.offmychest
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I'm Concerned About My 12 Year Old Sister... So my sister was pretty normal up until about a year ago. She was sporty and shopped at justice and she was a very happy kid. Even when I started to get her into the stuff I liked, video games, MCR, comic books, nerdy weird crap, ya know? She was still a normal nice sporty kid. I'm not normally one to judge. I'm not a happy person either, but I tend to hide it behind humour. I'm a little bit concerned that this might be partly my fault though because even though I hide my issues for my family's sake, the fact that I'm a loser high school drop out who's been in and out of the hospital and inpatient program for my mental health isn't really a secret anymore.
First, my sister has become depressed. I'm especially concerned about this because my mom is passing it off as trying to fit in with her friend group. No matter what she does, it's no secret that she picks holes in her skin. Her whole body is covered in scabs. She sleeps all day, she's extremely irritable and angry all the time. Still, my mom blames it on her friends. I'm not innocent, I've definitely thought to my self that it was her friends. And honestly, if I'm alone with my mom I'll agree with her because I like to avoid drama. The reason my mom thinks it's her friends is because one friend is constantly in and out of the hospital for self harm and suicide attempts, plus he's constantly running away from his mom who's pimping him out for drugs. Then my sisters girlfriend hears voices and thinks she's schizophrenic. I say 'thinks' because she's not diagnosed. I really don't think that's the problem at all.
Second, she's constantly making sexual references. Like, I get that 12 year olds say that shit, I used to because I thought I was so funny. But every single joke she makes is sexual. Every single thing she reads is either horror or smut. She's always "accidentally" smacking my butt. She has pretty much no boundaries, she makes intense weird eye contact if she has to bring my a toilet paper role. She's never wearing pants, instead of just lying on her stomach and using her ipad, she curves her back and sticks her butt in the air. It's to a point where it's actually making me uncomfortable. It's like a whole new level... When I was 12 I just made "I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going" jokes. Is this like a normal thing now? Her and her friends literally stick their hands in each others pants. Her one friend is very handsy, like he touched MY boobs, I don't even want to know what those to do alone. But really, it's creeping me out.
And finally, I'm really afraid that she's going to become like me... She's been going to school less and less. She never does her homework. All she does is lay in her bed sleeping or watching YouTube. The difference between her staying home and me staying home is that I'm actually still getting high school credits online. Plus, I've pretty much given up because nothing seems real. I just don't want her to think that this is fun. I don't want her to be in this place. I'm alone 24/7. I have absolutely no friends, not even internet friends. I'm a huge loser. Being alone all the time like this, I lose track of where I am. In the brief moments of human contact, I remember. But more or less, I'm just constantly disassociating from reality. I don't do anything. I don't want to see my sister become like me. When she does go to school, she's always telling us some funny story about her classmates. She's friends with pretty much all of them. I don't want to see her throw it all away like me. It would hurt more to see her become a failure that it does to know I'll live a meaningless life. I feel like I'm all over the place, I have nothing else to say so I'll just go now.
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self.offmychest
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Do you ever turn off your phone volume when you're expecting a text? Whenever I'm expecting a text that I'm nervous about or like I want a certain person to text but I don't know if they will and I'm just waiting for it I turn the volume completely off on my phone and try to distract myself so I don't keep checking it hoping that when I do check the text will be there and I can deal with it. It also means I can take a while to get back to other people because I didn't hear their message come through.
Anyone else do this??
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self.Anxiety
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My past self I'm sometimes wonder what it would be like if I never found out about anxiety and depression. What if I just continued to live unknowingly. Would I be better? Happier? Or would I be worse? Feeding the anxiety? Not know what was wrong with me, pushing me into a deeper anxiety and depressive life. It's weird how small thing can alter your entire life and imagining what could have happened it's useless but interesting and addictive. When I look back on my life I remember who I use to be before the anxiety and wonder how different my life would be if I was still that person.
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self.Anxiety
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My therapist made a great point today. Since I’m a bipolar drug addict on meds, I’d be able to dodge a draft. It’s the little things. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I don't think I've had a period in my life where I have actually been happy. So I'm a 20 year old college student and even thinking back to my childhood i don't think I've ever had a period longer than a day or two where i've been genuinely happy. For the longest time i figured it was because i was pretty much mediocre at everything i did and had no real self identity, but after coming to college and finding photography which is something i really enjoy and has brought me some happiness the self hatred has not stopped. It just moves on to other things. Im 20 years old and have never had an actual girlfriend. (I've dated a few girls but they all got tired of me really quick). I've never even kissed a girl, but i've had sex once with a girl who turned out to be sex addict and then had told me that she didn't even find me attractive. I have a few good friends but they live 100's of miles away due to going to different colleges and the new ones that i've made in college i feel like never want to hang out or do anything with me. I just feel like there is nothing left that i can do to fix my life and that i'm going to feel this way for the rest of my life.
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self.offmychest
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Depressed because lack of work? So when I was 12 or 13, I started to get really depressed. I was homeschooled and never really went anywhere or did anything. When I turned 16 my dad made me go out and find some small side jobs to get some money for a car. Well, the first job I hated the whole way through, but when I finished I stood back and saw what I had done; an amazing end product that was a direct result of my hard work. Ever since then, the only thing keeping me out of my depression is my work. Giving it 110 percent. Having a perfect job done the way that anyone would be impressed with.
Fast forward now to 20 years old, I have a job at a distribution center stacking boxes on pallets. I love it. It's fun to me, almost an art. But there's this one guy who thinks he's the bestest of the best and will say really shitty things about my work ethic and how it looks etc.
I try to ignore him, but I just can't help it. Everytime he says something about it, I slip back into my depression a little more. I've talked to him, but he doesn't care. I asked my manager to talk to him, but still no difference.
What should I do?
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self.depression
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I think working retail makes my depression worse Can anyone else relate? I work as a cashier at a grocery store and that job is the bane of my existence. I have depression and bipolar but I wasn't aware of the latter until I already was working retail. I will give the devil its due, it has almost completely removed my anxiety with talking to strangers. That was a huge problem with me now it's pretty manageable. But since taking that job I have taken such a much lower opinion on people in general and have dissociated a lot. Don't talk to nearly the same amount of people I used too. I have helped that recently because I have been forcing myself too, but I used to just want to have more interaction just normally. While most customers are nice enough to just let you do your job and get them out of there, the asshole ones are enough drive you insane. So much stress dealing with them. I know this is kinda weird but can anyone else relate? I swear having a shift of lots of asshole customers is a one way trip to depression.
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self.depression
|
Nervous while reading aloud during class. Any suggestions? Hey, I'm 16 years old and get really nervous in class when I have to read. I recently had to read and it got so bad that I literally couldn't read anymore. I could read about 2 words before I had to stop! A classmate later told me I sounded dyslexic, which I am definitely not. Is there any way to help this and prevent it from happening again? It is really embarrassing for me and I didn't use to have it. It only started around a year ago and I have no idea why. Can anybody help? Thanks
Edit: By reading, I mean reading aloud from a page.
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self.Anxiety
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I just slept 17 hours Do you ever sleep 17 hours? Help me not feel so alone
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self.depression
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People tell me I’m outgoing and calm around them, but I don’t feel that way. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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If I killed myself tomorrow, I will have been alone for all of my life. The weird thing about this to me is that I don’t know if it makes me want to end it more or less. What if I reached out to someone I had a crush on tomorrow and got rejected? Suicide after that would be putting a terrible burden on them. But I don’t have the confidence to do anything any other way. I feel trapped in my shitty half life where nothing interesting happens and every day is the same grind of bland grey shit. Any potential option has consequences that harm me or the people around me, who I don’t hate but do slightly resent, in a roundabout way.
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self.SuicideWatch
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did a really scary thing (girl related with anxiety issues) i went to superdrug and got my face threaded for the first time. i'm 24. haha. honestly the girls were so kind and patient with me. i didn't want to look like a idiot and they were calm.
big big big social phobia i have and i actually said fuck it i'm going to get it done today. i was afraid and yes it hurt but it was worth it lol
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't want to exist Hi. Nice to meet you. I am a loser. A complete nobody that never gets noticed by others. I feel very insecure about myself. Too ugly, too boring, too awkward. I always mess things up, don't have any true real life friends. I don't do anything, just sit in front of my tv or computer when I have free time. I am not planning on killing myself but I just don't want to live anymore. I am tired of being nothing
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self.depression
|
Letting off some steam... I just need to get this off my chest.
So I flunked out of college a year ago and i had been staying with my grandparents during the 2 years i was enrolled. I had a job and was giving them money every check even though they said they didn't want to charge me. After flunking out I went back to live with my Mom,my two brothers and her fiance where i was jobless for about 8 months. Though i did do my fair share of chores to keep the house clean and all i still felt worthless.
A few days ago my cousin, lets call him Bob, called and offered me a job loading up trucks with him for $400 to $500 a week along with our other cousin(Lets call him Joe). The only thing was i had to temporarily move back in with my grandparents so i could ride with him to work because i dont have a car.
Heres a little backstory for context. Bob is 19 with a 1 year old kid and a baby on the way. Joe is 18 with a 1 year old and a baby on the way. I am 20 with no kids. Joe and I have not started working yet we start next Wednesday.
Now Bob wants Joe and I to rent a 3 bedroom apartment with him to be closer to the job site but i don't want to and i dont know what to do. If i dont move i wont have a ride to work but if i move in with them i will have to deal with there screaming kids and more than likely 2 arguing couples. Bob wants us to move in 2 weeks but i haven't even started work yet i need time to save up for my own car and so i can get my own apartment.
Now im here at my grandparents ranting on Reddit feeling sorry for myself and feeling home sick already. I just got here. I hate this town. I want to go home. Sighhh....
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self.offmychest
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My daughter and I were targeted at a store TL; DR at the bottom.
My family and I went out on Saturday to get Thanksgiving stuff. We stopped at three stores, all in the same parking lot. When we entered the first store, there were two men, one in a gray sweatshirt, one in an orange sweatshirt. They put down the items they were looking at and followed us in the store. They magically appeared at the next store, browsing conveniently anywhere we were.
We went to the third store, our local grocery chain. The deal they had on turkeys was not able to be passed up, of course. My husband and son split off from us to look at ice cream, and my daughter and I were waiting for them. The man in the orange sweatshirt approached and spoke to us, asking where the orange juice is. Seeing as I had seen them follow us past the OJ, then wrap back around and ask us where it is, I was already on alert. (Thank you, extreme paranoia associated with my depression!) I told them it was around the corner, and as soon as I pointed, my husband rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks for a beat. He has hyper vigilance due to PTSD, and had noticed them in each store.
We went to the checkout, and there they were behind us. One started chuckling and the other said, "Don't try to save 'em, man, don't try to save 'em."
Now, I carry with a CCW, but I don't want to ever pull my gun much less actually shoot someone. That's my worst nightmare, I would never be able to function again after that. But I carry because I have been stalked before and I don't ever want to feel like the victim again. Luckily, we lost them in the parking lot and didn't see them again.
Should I report this incident to the local sheriff or let it lie? Idk if it was a severe coincidence that they were in the same sections of the stores at exactly the same time as us, or what they would have tried if my daughter and I had been alone. I'm definitely not the one to play with - I will beat a bitch.
This has really been weighing on my mind the last few days, and I mull it over because I hate that feeling of vulnerability.
TL;DR: Potentially got stalked in three stores, don't know if I should report it to the sheriff.
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self.bipolar
|
Help with keeping panic attacks at bay in crowded places? I hope this is the right subreddit for this question...
I’ll start off with a little bit of context to help explain what I need some advice with (also I’m on mobile so sorry if formatting is a little crazy). You can skip over the first part if it’s too long.
I had my first panic attack just over 9 months ago on a night out with my friends in a club that I’d been to multiple times before without any issues. I’d been feeling a little nervous when out and about for a few months before the panic attack but nothing that I was overly worried about.
I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling to get out of the situation I was in and my brain couldn’t think of anything except “GET OUT ITS TOO BUSY GET OUT”. It was literally the most scary experience I’ve ever had mostly because it had never happened to me before. I’ve been to this club many many times before and had no problems at all then suddenly it’s the worst place I could possibly be?
After I’d calmed down I brushed it off as just having a little too much to drink.
The next time we went out it happened again pretty much exactly the same and multiple times after this.
I’ve learnt to identify the feelings of a panic attack ‘coming on’ and I get myself out of the situation quickly but I enjoy socialising and going out with my friends and I feel like I can’t anymore without the constant fear of having a panic attack again.
So far I’m dealing with it by just removing myself from situations but I want to be able to deal with panic attacks so I don’t have to leave. I want to be able to enjoy a night out with my friends without having to constantly think “breathe, you’re safe, you can leave if you need to”
Basically, I’m asking how can I deal with panic attacks in a better way because right now, I feel like it’s controlling my social life.
Thanks so much for any advice :)
TL:DR started having panic attacks recently and I’m looking fo advice on how to deal with it better so I can get my social life back
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self.Anxiety
|
Ever Consuming Numbness In the darker moments of my depression I get this numbness like I'll never be happy again. This is currently ruining everything in my life any suggestions to make this feeling go away.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else feel like they're no ones first choice? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I miss my friends and i secretly blame my GF diagnosed with BPD TW: suicide mention
Little back story. Me and my current GF have been togeather a year short of two days. A little over a year ago we hit it off and had really good chemistry so we got togeather on December 26th, 2016. A few months later she moved in with me due to some very unfortunate circumstances at her old place. Ever since then she has lived with me.
My GF has BPD (Borderline personality disorder. I wish I could explain the full details in a post but I don't even know where to begin) I don't know how to explain it entirely. It's like she loves me one moment and the next she gets mean and aggressive with me. She can't help it. However, in the last three months things have been looking up for her. She's become very aware of her BPD tendencies and is working to improve it by attending therapy. However, she is still leery about my friends. Before I was with her I would talk with my online friends on discord and i would meet up IRL with nerd groups. I used to go to a local melee tournament every Wednesday. However ever since ahe came into my life, very slowly, she's made me cut off ties with my friends. At first I thought this would be a thing where I could fix with in a month or two but by that time I was deep in the relationship and unaware of her BPD (she was not diagnosed till mid summer of this year). Things still stand the same. She feels like I'm ignoring her when I want to talk with friends instead of her. I work seven days on and off. My days on my week on, i wake up, go to work, come home and listen to her, pay attention to her, and hang out with her. On my weeks off I'm by her side 24/7. I feel she's overly attached to me because she has this great big fear that I'm going to leave her and anytime I try to talk with anyone that she doesn't know she gets very angry and says that I make her feel non important. Now I don't want to paint her like a villain, she's an incredible person but after a year of this I don't know if I can keep it up. I've had thoughts of suicide over the course of the year because of the situation I find myself in. I miss talking with people on Facebook, i miss going out to hang out with people. I miss having a social life. But at the moment it seems that she inserts herself in all aspects of my life except work. In fact I'm using the lack of work due to the holiday to type this out. I wouldn't be caught cold handed typing this out around her. I long for my friends and wonder if they even miss me after being silent for months. I want to know how to set up boundaries with her because I'm really bad about that. I want my life to stop being controlled by her but I dont know how to do so. Please, this is a cry for help. DM me here if you want or comment because this account is a throw away. I just want to know what to do. I wanna be social again.
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self.depression
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When a specific person trigger's depression For me it seems like the particular actions of one person triggers it-not an acquaintance, but the other half of a relationship. A failure to acknowledge those actions or even to care puts a huge strain on my ability to move forward. A lack of empathy and continued ... cluelessness...or deliberateness in making me feel worse is becoming a constant experience that pushes me further from this person.
Is depression the cause of my feelings or is it the other way around? Is depression just the side-effect of being made to feel a certain way by a certain individual?
I feel like I'm at a standstill, a hopeless one, as every effort I make to feel better is hammered down by this other person.
I just want to be so far away right now.
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self.depression
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Unfair When people treat you like an ass and still do better in life than you despite them abusing others in the past, what’s the damn point of breathing? Ik I’m going to be told “Oh, just do better than them!”. Well, some people aren’t exactly capable of doing that. Especially when they act like they’re depressed. If they were so damn depressed, why would they treat others like shit and make them feel worse then they probably do already?
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self.SuicideWatch
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What personality traits do you associate with being Bipolar or Bipolar 2? At the age of 47 I’ve just been given a diagnosis of Bipolar 2. I’m looking back through my life and wondering what aspects of myself are related and which aren’t. I’ve listed the ones I can think of below - very interested to see who can relate, or what people’s differences might be.
- indecisive about what career direction to take
- Been a teacher, website manager, aged carer, Rehab counsellor and counting.
- Artistic/creative/crafty
- Love the planning/ideas phase of projects but find the execution becomes boring and I don’t finish off
- Get inspired and enthusiastic about one topic or activity for a while, thinking about it a lot, engage in it almost in an obsessive manner (but often without finishing projects), talk about it to other people ... and then suddenly lose interest.
- Intimate relationships are topsy-turvy - I’ve been with my SO for 20 years now, but many times in our relationship I’ve had one foot in and one foot out - feel sure and committed, then feel like I’m with the wrong person ... marriage is needless to say very precarious atm because I have hurt my SO so much :(
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self.bipolar
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Ten Years Later It has been ten years since I first tried to kill myself. I was just a fucking kid, but I'm only alive now because people interfered when I didn't want them to.
That moment plays in my mind so many times every day. The waking up. The oxygen mask. The blurred vision. The anger that i'm alive.
And now i'm here. Ten years later. Crying my eyes out because I am so fucking tired of being alive, so fucking tired of everyone leaving or killing themselves.
I'm ready to kill myself. I did have a note but I deleted it. I constantly hear the dead people talk to me in my mind, I figured it would hurt anyone who read that note, if they had to hear the dead version of myself talk.
I'm going to kill myself, because the isolation is killing me. I haven't "hung out" with a "friend" in over three years. Nobody has hugged me, told me things will be okay, shown the slightest interest in who I am or my life; so I'm confident I won't be missed.
I don't want you to talk me out of it. I want someone to talk to me; just for a while. So I can leave with a good day in my head. Please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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