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I said something stupid So yesturday I attended a funeral for a girl my age that I hung around for most of my life but didn't do anything with outside of bigger social gatherings. She died in a car accident on her way home and it wook everyone by surprise. At the funeral I went up to a friend of mine (he was like a brother to this girl) and asked him how he was doing and he just got really quiet and asked me not to ask him that, I just kinda switched the conversation into something else but now I just feel like that idiot person at funeral who everyone hates cause they say something stupid but I didn't mean to. I've been trying to distract myself all day but it keeps popping in my head and I'm beating myself over it. I haven't really told anyone cause I feel like an idiot so I'm posting it here so I can maybe get it off my chest? Or at least try
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self.Anxiety
|
My older sister is Bipolar. I️ want to try to understand her and build a non hostile relationship but there is a massive divide between us due to years of family strife. Hi. So, my sister was born both very depressed as well as bipolar. I️ don’t know the exact terminology, but from what I️ understand she is “type 2” for both. She was diagnosed as a teen, but we all knew long before that there was something severe happening. She would constantly start fights, yell, argue, ect. She orders people around. She does not take responsibility for things that she does, or does so very weakly (“I mean, sorry, but you shouldn’t have pissed me off!”) She has physically attacked everyone in the family on many occasions. She acted out as much as possible during our teen years, putting a ton of stress on the family. She has threatened to kill herself a few times, as well as me, my parents, and my younger sister (the homicidal threats I️ do not take seriously). The police were at our house countless times for domestic disturbances. She self medicates with alcohol and marijuana, yet takes issue with my own use, to the extent that she want to get me in trouble at our church (though I️ think it’s because she wants to hurt me socially/religiously). She is very mean at times; I️ will remember the things she has said to me and my parents for a long time, as they are some of the most horrible things I’ve heard a person say. She has stolen from every member of the family. She has no respect for anyone’s personal space or privacy, with the exception of her own. We typically go weeks without talking, only to be interrupted by her shoulder checking me, making a nasty comment, butting into a dispute to throw her opinion out, ect. She often says she hates people, and likes to remind my mom of how much she used to hate her growing up.
She actively tries to change my families and friends opinions of me. She lies to my mom about me, and is trying currently to make public my use of weed, since my social circle is religious and that would obviously be an issue to some religious people.
I️ legitimately think she may be somewhat delusional, as she somewhat often accuses me of things that are not true; things she couldn’t possibly even claim to know about considering we don’t speak. She has thrown punches at me while chasing me, while screaming for me to get away from her and leave her alone.
It’s hard for me to empathize with her because of all this. For a long time, I️ thought I️ hated her. We have been fighting my entire life. I️ don’t feel that anymore, but I️ still have strong feelings of resentment. We still live together, and she has stated that she plans to live with my parents her entire life. She does not have many friends.
I️ know that not everyone who is bipolar is like this. I️ don’t know what she is going through with it, but I️ can’t accept her behavior. It has disgusted me over the years. I️ am willing to attempt an adult relationship with her, but even that will take a lot of effort and patience.
I️ don’t really know what I’m asking for here. Maybe I’m just venting. You guys know what it’s like to experience living with that condition, so maybe I’m trying to get perspective. I️ am burnt out. There is more I️ want to say, but this is long enough.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm not going to graduate high school I've always been really good at school. Gotten all A's and usually only a B or 2 throughout my whole school life. My family has a history of being hella smart and getting good grades but having some serious mental health issues with anxiety and depression. Earlier this year, a week after I turned 18 I moved out of my parents house but I'm still on good terms with them, I worked a job I hated so I ended up quitting and trying to find a new one, life was good but my anxiety started getting pretty bad with looking for a new job and being on birth control for the first time. I would freak out about stupid things and it felt like everything I did was wrong.
This isn't some sob story, I just some advice. My anxiety started getting really, really bad and I couldn't make myself get up for my classes, I'm a senior in highschool but I'm taking college classes because my school has dual-credit. I wake up at roughly the same time, usually around 5 am every morning and start freaking out and panicking, just waiting for my alarm to ring and dreading having to go to school. I stopped going to classes because I couldn't make myself get up, and now I'm failing some of my classes. I can't manage to keep a job, I've had 4 since I quit my old job and it's been a little over a month. Now I'm unemployed and not going to graduate high school and everyone is worried about me because my life went so downhill so fast. I'm afraid everyone is going to say it's because I moved out, but I'm never anxious about moving out and I don't regret it. I'm just worried what everyone will think of me and think I'm a failure because I think that I am. I just want to die because I think it'll be easier than having to deal with being such a loser. sorry for complicated and long story.
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self.depression
|
I’ve felt like shit the entire year (vent) Since early 2017 i’ve been feeling down, worthless, i feel like my self esteem is at an all time low and i can’t seem to let myself go of the past.
After rough experiences with the people who i was most close to at the end of 2016 i haven’t been able to get close to anyone anymore, i want to connect to people but i can’t seem to put myself out there other than making a stupid self deprecating joke that isn’t so much a joke but rather me, projecting.
I feel lonely and desperate like i’m slowly drowning and losing myself and this has been going on for a while now.
This entire year flew by at the blink of an eye and the only thing that has changed since it all started has been the way i look at myself in the mirror, where i once saw a normal person now i just see a pile of garbage that can’t control it’s emotions.
I keep telling myself i’m fine, saying that because I haven’t seen a doctor and haven’t gotten properly diagnosed with depression that’s not it, but in reality i’m just scared of actually knowing.
Suicide has been on my mind for the past 2 months, it feels like a possible future for me, but at the same time, i feel like that’d be selfish of me, to kill myself just because I couldn’t deal with my shit.
I want to see a professional but i don’t want my parents to be worried about me. I want to go by myself but frankly, it’s terrifying.
I want something or someone to hold on to, because i’m slowly letting go of myself, i’m starting to fade.
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self.depression
|
I just completed a class for the first time since I got diagnosed (2012-13) and got an A in it for the first time since 2011 *beer time*. SDG.
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self.bipolar
|
In a much better place now. For real. I'm actually ok. [removed]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
And another one Relationships have been the literal worse thing to happen to me. I can't think of things that can make more depressed than it. From failed relationships to them not even being born. Recently and by recently I mean one year ago my ex broke up with me and dated my friend two weeks later. It took me a long time to move past that, I dated her for five years and that was from 15 to 20. Now as a 21 year old I decided to pursue another relationship. The first person I pursued ended up dating another friend before I could even attempt and now we're at the second person. And they just began to ignore me after 2ish months of talking.. Even to the point of me feeling creepy for trying to be a normal person and just talk. I'm starting to get it honestly. The reason people despise relationships or why some people hate the opposite sex with a passion. How do people have successful marriages? I'm starting to think the only stable relationship there is has a transaction to do with it.
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self.depression
|
Sometimes I get ridiculously sad euthanasia isn’t an option. I just cried about euthanasia not ring an option for me because the thoughts in my mind are overflowing. It hurts to exist because of my health and on top of that I live with night terrors and flashbacks when I’m awake.
I accidentally yelled out loud this morning trying to shut my brain up; it just feels like thoughts don’t stop. Please stop. At least can’t I get some relief in my health!
The day is not now, but when.
Written on mobile.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else does this? Hi guys. I wanted to ask if anyone else from this sub does the same...:
When I’m about to talk to someone, before we meet I imagine the conversation in my head and basically I talk to myself like the person was in front of me. For example when I was kid and I was told to come home at 6pm, but I’d be late as always so on my way home I’d talk to myself preparing what excuse to say.
These days for example when I wanted to ask my boss for pay rise, I kept repeating in my head how I want to say it.
When I was younger I was a bit worried I’m schizophrenic or something but these days I just think I’m trying to organise my chaotic thoughts. I don’t want to jump from one topic to another... anyone else does this?
|
self.bipolar
|
My psychologist insists I still have depression and I am in denial or something A while back I was really depressed, but after anti depressants and some therapy I started feeling really chill. Actually, I have been feeling quite happy and relax lately. Although there are some issues that I have
* Being lazy, and having discipline issues. I think i used to do it out of depression but now just out of habit.
* Appetite issue: Have been binge eating...okay that can be an issue
* Sleep too much, do not feel like getting out of bed...may be that's an issue too
* Some anxiety, well its mainly due to work probably
Okay, i have above issues, but I do not feel like trapped and sad and troubled...My doc insists the issues I have are signs of depression.
I mainly go to her due to social phobia and these discipline issues etc, I have been feeling fine overall though. What has been stressing me out is actually the fact that she said I am still troubled while I have been thinking I'm fine..that's what's been stressing me out and is making me wanna cry.
Also, feelings like "guilt" and "worthlessness", I do not think I really have those, but she says you are in denial, you are trying to make excuses....Really I am not the kind of person who does wrong to others, so why would I feel guilt...and "worthlessness", I have been an independent and career oriented person, yes I have flaw of interpersonal skills, but that does not make me "worthless"...
I do not like that she is insisting like that...is she stereotyping me or something...Any thoughts? I am actually doubting her credibility as a psychologist, what do think? Is this normal for docs to be this way...By the way, its my first time in therapy so I do not really know much about such stuff...
|
self.depression
|
I'm not even really tired. I just don't know what else to do with myself but sleep. When I'm not working or eating. I want to do more, but it just feels pointless.
|
self.depression
|
My parents will never understand, so what do I do? 21f college senior [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
For me, therapy and treatment just made me a high-functioning depressed person. Anyone else have this? I really want a discussion about this I just wanted to ask people if after they received treatment, they stopped their serious symptoms of depression, but at the same time, the general fucked up cloud and general feeling of sadness persist, and that treatment has just made you a sad zombie who can function, and pretend REALLY WELL for people.
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self.depression
|
I'm afraid to go to college I'm so afraid to go to college since I'll be miles away from home and I won't know anyone there. I'm an outcast here as well as having little to no social skills when someone isn't with me. The thought of making new friends and starting a relationship with someone makes me feel like I'm making a mistake. I know it will be better to get out of the toxic environment I'm in. I have one last test to pass and one other thing to get out of the way but I'm procrastinating on studying for this test. I know I can pass but I don't want to leave this place.
|
self.offmychest
|
Someone please help me I keep asking for help
someone just told me "No one gives a shit about your game or your cry for help. Post elsewhere. " (I don't recall mentioning anything about a game)
and the person on discord told me "you are to egocentric to see anyone else suffering around you
You are probably a low functional sociopath"
they keep telling me to give them "love and sex" LITERALLY and I say no and they said that just proves I only care about myself
I'M SO CONFUSED
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
I DO CARE ABOUT OTHERS!!!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel so empty and alone... I don't know whats worse, not knowing anyone and being alone for a year and a half or knowing people and still being alone all the time... I tried planning something this weekend and one person turned me down and the other didn't even respond. My dog might die from liver poisoning and I have no one to talk to about it... I want to die right now. Fuck waiting 4 more years I want to die now! I opened my self up to people and they just turn me down they betray me and I have nothing to show for it but a new scar on my arm to remind me... remind me that I should never trust anyone again! I think if my dog gets better I'm out of here! I'm leaving this house and never coming back! I tried! I gave it my best for nearly 6 months now and I just feel worse and more alone than ever!... maybe I'll drink... maybe I'll get really drunk and then end it all! whats it matter any way... no one will miss me...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Started a Facebook post with a plea for help, couldn't bear to admit my weakness I thought halfway through that it would help to get the words out, but it didn't. I even knew that I wasn't going to post it and probably end up putting it here, and stared at the post button for what felt like eternity before highlighting everything and hitting "cut." So I'm going to subject you all to my rambling, and for this I apologize. Even though you all are strangers to me, I love you all because we're all in this shit show together.
THE POST:
I think I've truly hit rock bottom. I'm losing my grip on sanity after four years of near-isolation. I smoke more and more and more, feeling like it's been hours since my last one, but in reality it's only been twenty to thirty minutes. I can't sleep for more than an hour or two at a time, waking up because I'm either choking on my own breath or I can't get comfortable or a small noise wakes me and I'm exhausted for the rest of the day until I randomly nod off, not knowing how long I've been out. This morning was the last straw. After months of lying to myself about my weight, I step on the scale. 262.8 pounds. That can't be right, so I step on it again. 264.4 pounds. A small whimper comes out and I feel my eyes welling up with tears, so I step on the scale again. It tells me again 264.4 pounds. That brings me to now, where I'm sitting on my couch asking myself how I let it go this far, how did I let myself go this deep into the rabbit hole. I've never felt this truly helpless in my life, not even at my lowest, most suicidal of points. I need help. But none of you will see this because I'm not going to say it to any of you. Sure, I may say something to some of you. I may beg a few of you for help, but the public at large will never know the pain I'm going through right now. This post will not go up, and I'll probably put it on Reddit if I don't straight up delete it first. But things need to change. I'm sick of feeling sick all the time. I'm sick of eating my loneliness away. I'm sick of looking myself in the mirror with resentment and disgust. I'm sick of having to force myself to leave the house. I'm sick of the pain in my knees and back. I'm sick of trying to explain away to my friends when they say "what happened to you?" after not seeing me for some time. This is the final time. I will make a stand to save my own life, but I just don't know how. I love you all.
|
self.depression
|
Can't take it anymore. Hi there. Thanks for looking. I am seriously considering suicide due to me mostly having learning difficulties through my whole life and now I fucked up. Badly. I can't turn this around. I am super fucking stupid and really have nothing in life to atone for. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to die, I just wanna shorten my fucking pain before I eventually starve to death as a hobo on the streets. My parents don't give a shit about me and I have no one to go to.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
University gives me anxiety, any advice? So, I was bullied on my first year of university by both classmates and a professor and that made me develop anxiety which made it harder for me to go to classes and that's why I'm not doing so well. I've been going to therapy for 11 months and it helped me control anxiety in almost every aspect of my life but school. At first I was able to do so and everything was alright but two weeks ago I had a panic attack during class and I had to leave early and since then I've been having really bad anxiety when I need to go to classes. Has anyone gone through something similar? do you have any advice to control and/or get over it? everything will be appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
|
Thought my mood was simmering down. I have bipolar 1 with psychosis. I’m medicated so tend to no longerbecome FULL manic but have been experiencing hypomania the past three or four days.
I thought it was coming to a calm end because I slept more last night and remembered my dreams (tend not to when I’m “UP”).
I came to work and am located at a different store today and there are very few customers, the store is small, not much to do if everything is clean.
I feel so cooped up! I just want to run around and say hello to everyone and compliment people and buy flowers for my boyfriend and all of my friends and dance.
I took my break an hour into work because I am working alone and there is no one to talk to. I’ve been interpreting dreams on my phone and chainsmoking on break. I want to be out with people and cleaning and making things!! I want to quit my job and become a millionaire off my OWN ideas!
Last night I started a group family chat and suddenly my family is calling asking if I’m manic and I say I’m just riding the wave. My brother is especially good at asking the “right” questions to deteremine what my mood is which can be hard because I don’t live with him/family anymore.
My boyfriend who is not the most educated about bipolar is concerned. BUT I AM NOT EVEN MANIC. I’m simply enjoying my mood!!
Taking all my meds too. Trying my best but people are bringing me down, man!!
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self.bipolar
|
My mom just outted me in front of my whole family [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Up, Up, hypomania ? maybeeeeeee, nope *crash hard, end up sleeping on the bathroom floor*
|
self.bipolar
|
Pretty sure I might get hurt by posting this People are laughing at me in my own home like I’m just trash. (Well I have felt that I am for most of my life.) I don’t even know if they’re laughing at me, but my self esteem is so low that that’s what I assume. I think I’m such a terrible person that all they can do is laugh at me. If I had just a tiny bit of respect for myself, I would be able to become a better person.
It’s all on me. It’s all my fault that I perceive that they’re laughing at me, that I’m so sensitive, and that I’m an unproductive person. That’s actually the best case scenario, because I could change. If it’s not my fault, then they’re just assholes and I’m worthless and this world isn’t worth staying in for fear of death.
Why are people so fucking scary?
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self.depression
|
As I type this, I made it Almost six months ago, I was crying myself to sleep. Almost six months ago, I drank no less than half a bottle of whiskey a night. Almost six months ago, I had old scars and fresh scars on my arm.
Almost six months ago, I had a plan to end it all.
And almost six months ago, in a random moment that only lasted a fraction a second, I admitted to myself I need help.
Almost nine months ago, I was a 20-something year old man, outside of this very building, crying with my nose running like a 5 year old in the arms of my best friend.
As I type this, I am sitting in my college library. I just talked to my adviser. I am, as of 15 minutes ago, officially out of academic probation. Not only that, but I have done academically, and mentally, the best over the last semester in my entire academic life. And all of this is thanks to a pill. All of this is the result of finally admitting to myself, not that I have a problem--that much I already knew, but that I needed help. I needed saving. All of this is because I finally found it inside of me to drag my reluctant ass out of denial and go to a doctor.
---
The point of this post, is partly to brag, but mainly for every single one of you out there who's going through it all but isn't diagnosed. If you feel depressed, or suicidal, **please**, I beg you, go to a doctor. It only takes a few minutes, and a shit ton of willpower. Go, do it. Your mind will push it away. Your mind will tell you you don't need help. Your mind will tell you you're lost, you're gone, nothing can help you, no one can help you. Your mind will tell you "I can't have that on my record." Your mind will tell you "I can't be officially one of them." Your mind will tell you "I can't be mentally ill." And even worse, for us bipolars, your mind will feel happy. I've come to the unsupported conclusion that hypomania is just my mind's way of defending itself from depression. You will feel happy, and ecstatic, and every possible synonym to those words. And during those times, you will forget why you were ever depressed, you might even forget what depression is. But don't be fooled, it will come back, it always comes back. Your mind will make up every possible lie to push it aside, push it away, and it can only spiral down. Please, go get help. It doesn't take much. Just a pill, that's all. If it weren't for that one pill, I wouldn't even be here typing this right now. Please, pick up the phone, and book an appointment. Tell them you want one as soon as possible. And when you go to the doctor, just say three words: "I feel depressed." Your doctor won't judge you, or hate you, or pity you, or brush you away.
Please, go.
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self.bipolar
|
Hate this anxiety I work in a restaurant, and it’s been about a year. I serve and host most of the time, but still having problems with anxiety mainly social. I’m a 19 year old male and whenever I’m serving food or a bunch of people are looking at me, I tense up and either look at the floor or just grind my teeth and go faster than usual.
I know I should be used to this by now, but in my mind I always feel self conscious about how people perceive me and I always feel ugly. In my mind I say “People are just here to eat, they don’t care about you.” But I can’t carve it into my mind and it makes my job 2x harder. This happens at school too, just need help. Any advice?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Seeing new therapist next month It's been a while since I have seen a therapist. Last two I have been too we're they sunshine and rainbows and you can do no wrong type. I her this one will be blunt and to the point (what I want. I need someone to set me straight and actually help.)
What do I say during the first appointment?
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't understand why this happens. Earlier this morning I was sitting on the couch, wife next to me, my kids at their little table eating breakfast and I was playing FIFA. A nice relaxing Sunday morning. Then it hit me, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. A feeling like I didn't belong, like i was unhappy, almost angry that these people even existed. I almost want to run away and no longer exist. Its almost like something inside of me felt like i didn't deserve the calm. Like i was somehow failing by being content. I really don't understand whats going on, I've battled depression for years, but its never really creeped in on me at times like this. Does it get worse with age? Am I really just so distant from my family that something inside of me wants to leave? Would i be happy alone?
|
self.depression
|
Feeling so alone and just want someone to talk to Using a throwaway account. I don’t even know where to start so I’m just writing things down as they come along because I really need to talk tonight. Not even sure this is the right subreddit as I don't know if I have depression or not, but I've really been wondering lately.
I’m a 25-year-old guy working in software development. I live in a mid-size city (about 250,000 people) and I’m good at what I do. I make about $60k a year while the average income is about 24k. So I’m pretty comfortable financially. The problem is that I don’t have any passion any more. I went to university for writing because I’ve always liked more creative paths. I just don’t feel like I’m good enough to make a living writing or through music.
Last September my girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up shortly before I was going to propose to her. We met in college, dated steadily and moved to L.A. as an experiment. She really didn’t like it, so we came back even though I always struggled with living in this city. About a month after we came back, she broke up with me. A few weeks after that, she started dating a friend of hers. They got engaged two months later. I know it seems like a long time since then and each week that goes by feels like I’m more and more over it. But tonight I talked to her for the first time in months and god, it still hurts. I’ve had my family tell me that she’s a bad person, and for the longest time I tried to tell myself that as well. But the problem is that she’s really not a bad person, I think she’s just really confused. But even though it hurts now, I loved talking to her tonight because we talk so naturally and I have no one else I can talk to. I simultaneously want to be with someone else and be back with her again, even though I know that’s not an option.
Which is my second problem. When I was going to school I had a small but close group of friends who were all about a year under me. When I graduated, it felt like everyone drifted apart. I’ve tried reconnecting with them now that I’m back in this city but they’re so nitpicky about each other now and always finding ways to talk about everyone else behind their back, so I’ve distanced myself from them as I don’t need that kind of toxicity. But now the problem is I don’t have any friends. I’m working 8-5 Monday through Friday in a professional field, and it just seems like I can’t connect with anyone else my age. This city doesn’t really have much of a “professionals” atmosphere.
I’ve tried meeting people through Meetup, Tinder, Match, you name it. But there’s just a sort of toxicity around the culture of this city — it’s very dirty, massive drug problems, that sort of thing. Many of the women on Tinder are in their early 20’s but they’re single mothers of 2 kids. It seems that if you want to meet people, you have to go to bars, which has never been my scene as I’ve always been more withdrawn. Even though I think of myself as a pretty well-kept guy (I work out, make people laugh, and think of myself as at least decently attractive) I’ve only had conversations with about two or three women from Tinder, but no dates.
I know that all of this sounds really minor as I know how lucky I am – good job, good health, all that. When I talk to my parents about it (because they’re really the only people I can talk to), they just say that I’m blaming all of my problems on this city (and maybe I am, I don’t know). They say to think of all the people that have it worse than me. I know they really do care about me and are honestly trying to help, they just don't know how to. I know that I have nothing to complain about, but I feel so disconnected. All I do is work, come home, sleep, and repeat. It feels like all my passions have gone away and that I have no hope for the future. Even though it sounds silly at 25, I feel like my life is passing me by and that if I don’t meet someone and make friends RIGHT NOW, I’ll be alone my entire life.
How do I make friends here? How do I meet people? How do I feel better? I honestly don’t know.
|
self.depression
|
Just wanna say good job to everyone for making it through the day.
|
self.bipolar
|
I love my friends and family but want nothing to do with them I don't really know what to do anymore. I wanna clarify the title in that there's nothing wrong with my friends, this isn't because of a difference in opinion or anything I just literally have absolutely no desire to talk to anyone at all. I can't bring myself to text my girlfriend, at school I put in my headphones and ignore everyone, I lock myself away in my room and lay in bed either sleeping or trying to and I don't really want to do much else. I used to be the kind of guy that took two showers a day and was always clean shaven and dressed well but now I take maybe a shower every two days put absolutely no effort into how I dress and haven't had a haircut or shaved in 10 and 3 weeks respectively. I can't focus on anything anymore and I don't enjoy the things I used to. Ive been been diagnosed with depression for going on two years now but it's never been this bad and I don't know what to do at this point. I haven't hurt myself in a few months though so I suppose that's a good thing. If I eat I do it alone and just idk. I guess everything got worse when a friend from work died but I didn't even really know her that well so idk why/if why everything feels worse, I just don't really know anymore.
|
self.depression
|
kill me already just kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
we have no power we have no control we are all fated to the whims of those more fortunate without hope for freedom suicide is the only answer
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Idk I dont know what to do anymore. Im only 13. The girl ive been with on and off for 3 years (i love her and she claims she loves me and by on and off its was talking for like 2 years and then a month here or a month there and then 5 months and then a week here and there and now nothing) this happened last night. Now i could get on here and talk about everything that has happened and dog her, but that wont help me any. I feel like the only way i have to cope is telling jokes at school and then when i get home i feel hollow. My dad seems to care more about my meth head step mom then me because my mom told him i cant go over there until she is gone and that was 3 months ago. I dont know what to do anymore.
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self.depression
|
Confused. Helpless. Lost. Rambling. Tired. So Fucking Tired. This is going to sound so weird and bullshit, but I just feel like there's nothing else I can do.
For the last year, I have been in a near constant state of apathy, of tiredness, and of overwhelming highs and lows of strong negative emotions, and numbness.
I can't do anything. Completing simple tasks eludes me. My house is a mess. My social life is a mess.
I have always been forgetful, but I now forget to do even simple tasks. My brain is sieve. I can't concentrate on anything--even things I enjoy or try to just pass me by, and I have no recollection or memory of having done them.
I'm tired. Even time wasting mind-numbing bullshit like playing games is an effort. I have to psyche myself up to get enough energy to play games. It's easier to just vegetate and watch movies or YouTube or some shit.
My grades in Uni are falling. My parents are pissed that I am a fucking mess. Everybody in my life makes me so mad I want to scream, or just disappear into a dark corner.
I hate working. I used to love to workout, and I rarely do that anymore (so tired).
I drink entirely too much (by myself of course).
I'm single.
Half the time I care entirely too much, and the other half I don't care at all about anything.
I want to talk to a psychologist, but I'm such a lazy fuckwad I can't even be arsed to call a medical practice.
I constantly don't get enough sleep, but I'm so fucking self-destructive I can't force myself to go to sleep earlier.
That's the crux of it; my own decline is entirely my fault, but I'm such a fucking waste I can't even take the simple steps that would fix myself.
I didn't have a point to writing this. I just needed to say this to someone. Anyone.
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
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self.depression
|
Making big relationship decision while depressed? A few days ago, I came to a 'realization' about my 6 year relationship with my boyfriend. It basically involves him caring more about not rocking the boat than my well being. It weaves back to some difficult feelings about my childhood, and I've become convinced that we need to break up.
To what extent might this just be the depression talking?
Does your depression ever tell you the truth? Am I simply seeing something now, that I've missed in the past, because it was too dark to admit?
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self.depression
|
I had it beat. WHY THE FUCK IS IT IN MY HEAD I won. I did it. I survived the suicide attempt, graduated high school, found my passion, fell in love with a girl. I go to a univesity for my passion. I hate everyday. I hate leaving the house. I hate myself, and im afraid they will see that, or attack me. I tried to face issues from my childhood this summer and now its all fucked up. I did all the meds. I could stop school and try and get healthy, but i doubt id go back. I cant lose this progress. My brain is breaking. How did you guys bounce back??
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self.depression
|
I feel like I’m losing my friends Hi.....I’m new to this and I just wanted to have a place where I can put my thoughts and feelings down in the hopes that someone can understand the way I feel.
Last week I lied to a friend to protect her feelings. It was meant in good intentions but instead of making things better it only made it worse. She was not a close friend of mine but she was really mad. I instantly apologised and owned up to my mistake and told her my reasons for lying. Although she wasn’t interested and stared right through me and hasn’t spoke to me since and has ignored me. I understand that what I did was wrong and I am willing to accept the consequences that I may of lost a friend and I owe up to my mistake. But I feel terrible and I have this overwhelming anxiety that I’m going to loose all of my other friends as well because of my stupid and childish mistake. I can’t bring myself to reach out to my friends and I feel that I am going to make things awkward in our friendship group with me and her not speaking leaving everyone feeling uncomfortable which would then result in me losing all my other friends. I’m sorry if this is confusing and not really relevant to this thread but I feel horrible and I don’t know what to do.
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self.depression
|
It’s been half a year and everything is still horrible [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How do you live on with absolutely nothing in your life going right? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Seroquel for sleep not working great I take 100mg of Seroquel for sleep every night but it takes about three hours to get to sleep after. I cant take it before 930 because I have kids I need to be fully aware to take care of. I have to get my older kids up for school at 6 in the morning and I'm having trouble doing that. Plus I feel half asleep for hours after getting up.
My question is what other options are there? I need something that will knock me out quicker and not give me a hangover. I'm not asking for medical advice, just whether or not anyone has any experience with something that works better.
|
self.bipolar
|
People dont actually understand how bad i want to kill myself They think im making a joke and not serious about it. When i tried opening up to them all they said was that to go to someone who actually cares. I did open up to them and they ended up seenzoning me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Questions about being manic Hi guys. New here, and new to bipolar.
I’ve been diagnosed schizoaffective-depressed subtype for the last few years. However, recently I’ve had these waves of insomnia where I’m up for 3 days in a row without feeling tired, and it’s got my therapist thinking I may have he bipolar subtype. She asked me a lot of questions and then told me I need to call my pdoc about increasing my meds.
If this IS a manic episode, it’s pretty mild compared to the documentation online; I’m not engaging in risky behavior, etc.
A few questions:
How do you know when it happens? Can you feel it coming on?
What’s it like when you end a manic episode?
What’s *your* experience with them; how do they affect you?
I’m already on lamictal and abilify for my schizoaffective, but my therapist told me to call my pdoc for an increase. Do you think adding the bipolar element possibly requires heavier duty medication?
Tldr-I have questions about YOUR experience with mania. I’m being assessed. I also know you’re all not doctors. 👍🏽
Thank you! :)
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self.bipolar
|
Sometimes I just want to cry I've been wanting to cry for a while but have never had the push to just cry and ball my eyes out. I know I have some people that care about me as a person and living entity, but nobody understands what I feel and just thinks by giving me compliments will make it go away. I feel bad for softly pushing people away or gently avoiding them to be alone. Especially my girlfriend. But I feel as it doesn't matter and At least I can just be depressed by myself and not bother anymore.
Ohwell though right?
Edit: added a sentence for clarification
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self.depression
|
Scared of waisting money I got a PS4 for Christmas and I asked for it only to use it for only a month. I had an Xbox in my brothers room already. Soon I felt greedy and regret it feeling depressed for so long.
Today I decided to trade the PS4 with my friend for an Xbox. The Xbox made weird noises and was old. Soon when I was in the shower i released i could of just sold it for more cash now I have this rusty console and I felt in deep depression. I felt like vomiting, lost my hunger and got a migraine.
I listened to music to get over it and it helped just hope I can get over this. I can't even play video games because I will just have these negative thoughts again.
I think it's crazy how something so small. Can just fuck up my life and my entire week or month. I feel like dying it is unexplainable and people don't understand. I just wanna take acid for the first time so I can view the world in a different perspective or I just need someone to understand me
|
self.Anxiety
|
Are we allowed to ask for guidance on how to end it?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Someone promised me that he wont never let me push him away from my life. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Things I wish I could tell my boyfriend Throwaway as both bf and I use reddit... I've been crying the last three hours thinking about all of this stuff that bubbles up every few months and I never say it to him. This is just stream of consciousness.. me getting it off my chest.. and posting it here is my first step towards finally showing it to him:
I've been reading about codependent relationships.. and about how basically, my relationship with you is the same as your relationship with weed. And much as my stress about your weed is damging to my mental health.. I can't quit you, and I make excuses for you, because I like how I feel when I'm with you, in the moment, even though it probably won't work out well down the line.
And even though I tell you I hate you smoking, and it comes up over and over.. nothing changes because I am complicitly accepting the behaviour, by staying. Because I love you too much. The you that fits me like a glove, a puzzle piece. That is the otter to my otter. The best cuddler and kisser and the man that makes me feel so special and so beautiful. The man who has, in spite of this one nagging problem, made me happier than I've ever been. More confident. More true to myself.
Except for this one thing..
And I feel that.. i know that, I've never given you an ultimatum because to me that's the beginning of the end.. no matter the outcome. Either i'm scared that you would outright choose the weed over me, or you would choose me and then start sneaky smoking again and I'd HAVE to leave, I'd have to follow through and I don't WANT to follow through because I love you so much. And that is my dependency on you. I don't want to make the threat because I know I won't be able to live up to it, which makes me feel so weak. It makes me feel like I'm trapping myself. But at the same time I'm hoping to gain that strength from somewhere... sometimes I hope that there will be that moment of clarity that crystalises everything and I can do it. And still I'd be hoping that my leaving would be the crystalising moment for you, and you would realise that you couldn't live without me and you would quit for good and we would live happily ever after. Together. In a little two up two if that's all we can afford, because that is all we need as long as we're together. But then I think that sounds like a fairytale, and nothing ever actually works out that way.
I write these things when I'm apart from you, because I have a clearer head then. My brain isn't all fogged up with the all-encompassing, heart exploding love I have for you when I'm in your company. I still have that love, still feel that love right now it's making my heart pump out of my chest because even writing this makes me nervous. Because it makes me wonder if me writing this is going to end everything. If this will be it.. if I show you this whether you'll go cold on me, tell me to get out of the house if you make me so miserable.. and I will cry and cry and beg you to look at me and understand that my heart is breaking BECAUSE of how much I love you.
Well if you love me so much, why can't you just live with the weed? You'll ask. Because of my fucking organismic valuing process. My internal locus of evaluation. In my truest self, I cannot abide drug use.. and I've been shouting that bit of myself down and locking it away ever since I met you. But fighting those innate feelings causes dischord, and this is where mine lies. And this is what I feared would happem when I started my diploma, because studying these things makes it impossible to hide from them. From yourself.
And when I think about these things.. when I'm lying in bed composing them at 6 in the morning.. I just wish I could get back to you. Could be with you. Because I know that as soon as I'm with you again all of these silly, scary thoughts will melt away. I'll see your smile and we'll cuddle and I'll think that that's all I need in the world. I won't bring this up because my thoughts from back when I was alone might ruin this wonderful, perfect thing...
But it can't be perfect if it's so fragile that I go through this torment whenever we're apart.
And realising as I have, how closely my addiction to you mirrors your addiction to weed.. I wonder if you ever have these thoughts about it yourself. I wonder if you really DO know it's a problem; if you just don't like thinking or acknowledging that it's a problem because that might ruin the nice buzz you get from it. The numbing brain fog, preferable to the potential pain of being parted from it...
And I kind of hope that you do. Because then there's hope for us both.
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self.offmychest
|
DAE never manage to set up a full overview of your money because you get too anxious a third of the way through?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm going to see a therapist and I need advice [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Depressed friends Does anyone have some advice for how to help out your depressed friends when you are struggling yourself? I've found that when I'm really low and a very close friend of mine is as well it can be really difficult for me to support them in the way that they need me to.
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self.depression
|
I cancelled an appointment to the doctor tomorrow because of anxiety and regretting it now. , do you think it is possible I can get the appointment back if I leave them a message overnight or call them in the morning? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My depression story. So as an 11-year-old eager to enter High School (In Australia) got fucking bombed with depression and suicidal tendencies. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions at the time and I didn't believe my family would believe that I actually had depression. So I tried to hang myself in the garage outside my house and the rope snapped. And I self-harmed the fuck out of my body, left forearm, stomach and thighs even to this day.
I didn't try to kill myself until I was 14 when I realised I was kinda pathetic, I was anti-social from making friends outside my school and I didn't think I needed friends. So I remained quiet. One day, I retried the rope and this time I backed away from the rope because I heard my mum pull up in the driveway.
Anyways skippy skip to where I am now, a 17-year-old kid. I still cut and I still have suicidal tendencies but I think I'm kinda over it now. But I ended cutting myself into oblivion and now I have anger, so now I'm a dick to everybody. My teacher caught a glimpse of my left forearm a couple days after I added 32 cuts to it when I was truly fucked up. He sent me to the school counsellor where the counsellor told my parents the whole story and well, things are worse. I just hate myself more than ever and I just realise I'm pathetic. Sorry, I just had to get this off my chest.
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self.offmychest
|
I will forever haunt the people that are responsible for my pain [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Memories of an incident with my then boyfriend are haunting me (trigger-warning) I’ve recently remembered an incident with my first and last boyfriend, which I seemed to have forgotten throughout the past years. When we started dating I was still more cautious about having sex and wanted to wait. One night we went out with a lot of other people and I drank a lot and was a bit clingy and happy to be close to him (he told me the next day that my behaviour made him really mad and furious, apparently he didn’t really want people to know that we dated…). I drank a lot throughout the evening, so when we went home I almost already threw up in the elevator and went to bed in my clothes, I could barely move and felt a bit sick and just wanted to fall asleep.
My then boyfriend was in a different mood and took off my pants and underwear and I remember that I didn’t want that, but I didn‘t say anything and I was also a bit scared of the thought that I didn’t want this. At the same time, I thought I didn’t want to disappoint him, I was very very self-conscious back then. He had sex with me from behind and I actually lifted my butt a bit to make it easier for him, but I couldn’t manage anymore than that because I still felt sick and could hardly move. He took me from behind, from the side and then put me one top of him where I really just layed there because I was getting more and more sick, especially from the motion because he was moving me to have sex with me. I remember that I did moan, I was worried he would think that I suck in bed because I couldn’t move, I also just wanted it to end because I felt sick and wanted to sleep.
When he was done he left the bedroom and slept on the couch, I threw up on the bed, and wasn’t even able to move and feel asleep next to my vomit, which sums up the evening pretty well, I think.
The next day he told me that he was so mad at me for being so affectionate at the party and wanting to kiss and hug him in public, so that he had to have sex with me, and that I wanted it too because I even lifted up my butt. I remember a lot of feelings from that morning, I hated it him desperately, but at the same time I was worried about being sl*t-shamed by the rest of the students (lived in a small town and attended a small college) and so I stayed.
I stayed with him for almost a year, needless to say the relationship wasn’t very good, but I completely forgot about that night. And just now, almost 9 years later it came back in my mind and I hate it. Especially because it affects me now in my interaction with guys, always assuming the worst.
I just wanted to share because I can’t share it with anybody else. I somehow wish I would have just said „No“ in that moment because then at least I would know what happened that night.
Sorry for the grammar or spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.
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self.offmychest
|
Being horny and depressed just doesn’t feel good I had a breakdown yesterday and it was pretty ugly and lame. I don’t know who I am or where I’m going but I want to be good. I just want to be good.
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self.depression
|
bf has anxiety and is experiencing a tough time, looking for advice to best offer support. Possible anxiety-inducing post (financial) This is x-posted with r/advice.
Backstory: My boyfriend and I are currently long distance due to the job market in the area. Once I find work we will be reunited.
He just called in a panic, he is stressed beyond his limits with a lot of things but right now the financial part is at the forefront. He is behind in his office space rent and received a message from his landlord asking to meet.
He has been unable to pay rent due in part to bad choices he's made plus some unfortunate circumstances. He knows this. He lives at home with his parents so his office has been a source of freedom to get his work done in a focused place. He has one other person who sub-rents from him, if he's evicted they will be too.
He has deep anxiety and has sought treatment for it with minimal success. We had a good talk last night about him reaching out when he needs extra support (I also promised to check in on a deeper level when I pick up on signs and just in general). He reached out this morning with the above information. I'm not in a position to help financially (he wouldn't take it even if I was) but I'm there for him emotionally.
Usually I'm good at offering support and providing him with the extra advice or information he needs. I'm currently at a loss. I want to help his emotional state as best as I can but I'm not sure how to do that aside from telling him it will be okay. Which is a bit overplayed. How do I show support in this case, and is there anything I can say to him to help ease his mind?
Let me emphasize, looking for advice to help ease his anxiety not how to deal with the financial aspect.
Thank you for any help you can offer.
tl;dr Bf with anxiety, may be evicted from office space due to rent owed. Gf wants to offer emotional support to ease his mind.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel anxiety Everyone gets to have friends online, but I don't!
The guy that makes people hate me for the past 15 years KEEPS trying to be my friend, and yet he keeps being negative all the time too. And I checked and...ugh...just ugh...
I feel anxiety...
Everyone has cool online friends... But I don't get to =(
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hope i never live a worse year for the rest of my life. Back in June i got it a wreck and broke my leg pretty bad, already being mildly depressed, this made it much worse. I needed two surgeries. I felt worthless and in pain for a while. Things were looking better as it healed but a wound on the side of my leg, where the bone came out got infected. To deal with that i needed to get strong antibiotics, they gave me a pick line in my arm for it. That was going well until i started feeling a sharp pain in my arm. Apon going into the emergency room they found out i had a blood clot. This being the second complication, i felt pretty bummed. This whole time my parents were very supportive and asled to make sure i wasnt feeling depressed, i told them i was fine, i guess im just embarrased to talk about it. For a few months things were getting better but i was still depressed. Until my toe started to curl in. This was the start of the third complication. I went to the doctor and discovered it was something called checkrein deformity. Basically the scar tissue and bone from severe trauma entrap the tendon causing issues. I required another surgery for this. Taking me back of my feet for a while. Only a couple weeks after that came the worst new, but not about myself this time. We found out our cat has liver cancer, he has been my best friend for the last 10 years. Many people usually underestimate how great cats can be, but mine was the best in the world. It may not say much but everyone who meets him who dislike cats fell in love with him. The emotions of this are hitting me like a truck as i type this. We are putting him down tomorrow as he is just living misserably now. I know this was long to read and i cant thank you enough for giving me the time to say all this. I just hope after tomorrow i can look back on this and mark ir as the worst time of my life, i dont know if i can handle a worse year.
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self.depression
|
New single dad... Well, I had a story written but my web browser crashed and I lost all of it. I'll type out my story for those that want to hear it in a word document and post later on.
Short version...my life feels like shit right now. My girlfriend passed away September 11th, 2017. I'm a single father with 3 kids. My oldest isn't technically mine but I've been raising her for 11 of her 12 years. Her "sperm donor" overdosed when my significant other and I had been together for about 9 months. Now her mom has passed at the age of 12 from the same drug. But anytime anyone asks, she is MY daughter and everyone refers to me as her father. I treat all of my children the same. My other 2 children are 9 and 8. Girl and boy, consecutively. I'm 30 years old and have really messed up teeth that make me extremely self conscious even though I'm told I'm not bad looking. I can't afford dental work. My kids are currently in a failing school district and I'm in the middle of buying a house to get them into a better school district. I take care of my 65 year old mom who's house got torn apart by thieves so she moved in with me. She screwed herself over by not calling the insurance company right away and they wouldn't take care of anything. So now were trying to sell her house to add a couple of rooms in the house I'm potentially buying. We might end up with 5k after selling her house. Like I said, her house was torn apart. Two weeks ago I got rear ended in my primary vehicle by a guy with the lowest insurance you can possibly get in the states. So, now my car is totaled and they're offering me a third of what it was worth. They want to give me $500 for "pain and suffering" since my back has been uncomfortable ever since the wreck. I went to a emergency room and had x-rays and was told I was just bruised. I think there is something else going on yet I have not had time to get any follow up care because I can't afford to miss work. I had to take a demotion at work to ensure I'd have time with my kids when they really need me the most. We're sleeping on the uncles couches because we don't want to be in the house that their mother passed away. I'm currently driving a smaller vehicle that I LUCKILY bought for really cheap about 6 months ago (I guess because the universe knew something was going to happen because I never buy cars). I feel stretched so thin. Christmas is coming up and I feel like an idiot because I'm not sure if I'm going to have enough money to give these kids a decent Christmas. Maybe I jumped too soon on the house. Maybe I should have waited another month or 2. I just hate sleeping on someone elses couch because I've always been the one to provide the couch for them. I feel like my life has been put in a blender. I'm not one to turn to drugs ever, not even drinking. The kids make me feel much better about everything (even though I am raising a preteen female who is suuuper stubborn. I don't know. There is so much more but thanks for reading if you did!!
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self.offmychest
|
Cannot handle other people's good news I am in bed after crying because of, you know, wanting to die and stuff, and I feel even worse because I can't handle that my friends are off living lives. And good stuff happens to them that of course I want them to share with me, but Jesus Christ does it make me feel awful.
Does this happen to anyone else?
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self.bipolar
|
Finally winning! During this summer, I posted here a text, about weird experiences I was having. I didn't post an update since then (sorry for those, who cared, but I felt the need to be alone with this kind of stuff). So here is the update: Last week, I was prescribed Abilify and it is great! Combo with Lamictal seems to be working exactly as my mind needs to. Now for the important stuff ...
More then a year ago, in one of my darkest days I discovered this subreddit. My world was falling apart, I was totally hopeless. Thanks to you guys, I sought professional help and kept my faith. Now I finally feel almost 100% and my life is starting to get back up on its tracks. If I made it here, you all can too! I am here, if you need to talk :) Thanks again you all ^^
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self.bipolar
|
I hate this I got into the college I wanted to go to and I thought I'd be happy but I'm more miserable than ever. Seeing current students' instagrams and social media posts makes me feel like shit. They're all beautiful people and they party and have fun and have physical contact with one another/fuck regularly. I already know I'm going to be spending all of my time inside my dorm reading Plato and Nietzsche to not fall behind in school and being a boring shit without personality or hobbies, incapable of being loved, banging my head against the wall and wanting to hang myself as I hear people more beautiful than me fucking and loving and loving themselves and having fun next door. This isn't anything new. Tall dark handsome exchange student came to my high school from Italy with a thick accent no one could understand and didn't even speak to anyone - extremely quiet personality, like mine. Still got to make love to my crush and bragged about it afterwards (I almost attempted suicide when I got home that time that day) while I'm still a bitter disgusting virgin and I want to hang myself.
It's a stupid really small college and its in a place with a ton of beautiful people who party so there's little chance.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
...I just don't know what happened. I made this reddit in 2017, for the purpose of voicing myself and all I was feeling. I showed a lot of symptoms associated with depression, but did not have time to be diagnosed.
2017 was, in general, a hellish year. Except for December.
Nothing really great happened in December. I had no friends, since my old group had left me. But then I made new long-distance friends, and now we are very close. I also have a boyfriend now.
I'm still in school vacation times and my mood has never been better.
It's like... everything, from the lack of concentration and forgetfulness to the early-night insomnia and eventual oversleeping, is gone. The only thing that persists is low self-esteem, which, in my case, has been chronic since childhood.
Even social anxiety is mostly gone, and not only with my LD friends. I find it pleasing to socialise with my classmates. I talk on Whatsapp until the asscracks of down and bloom like a flower at school parties, like I've been just thrown in my natural habitat.
There were literally *no* changes in my life besides my friends, my boyfriend, and the end of the school year. But that doesn't even matter. I kind of am *missing* school now. Suddenly, my life went from depression hell to literally a normal teenage life.
I don't know how and I don't know why. It *might* have to do with the fact that I spent much of 2017 away from friends, except at the end of the year. But isn't that relying on other people's support to function properly? Isn't that, like, *toxic?* Or maybe I just have some twisted ideas, I don't know.
Depression... in my mind, it couldn't be cured with just friends. You needed proper medical treatment. Maybe I was wrong about that. Or maybe I never had depression at all, and was just lazy, like I mentioned in another post.
What do you think?
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self.depression
|
My 18th birthday is today... I have been attending therapy in UK since September because for many years I have been struggling but it got worsen whenever I had my first real two panic attacks at work which lead me to getting ‘fired’ actually being forced to be resigned - at that moment I really hid myself. Therapy helped me to fight this shit off.
For months I have been crying, getting easily angry at my mom especially when just couple years before I was born her father died due to a stroke. I got whole mentality after her. But at the same time I’m strong and willing to fight my demons.
This is where music came to save me, I started seeing things and hearing stuff being a lot more aware and thinking that every stranger that past be or group of strangers intended to murder me but I kept my bone. At this moment I thought I had schizophrenia and no one to run - music more precisely Jermaine Cole founder of Dreamville and his encouragement/inspiration helped me a lot.
He taught me how to love myself all over again.
Might sound disgusting but I haven’t been taking care of myself this is brushing teeth, cleaning my ears my general health. He changed everything, music did! Not only he but he was a main artist.
Now I write my own music over his instrumentals stupidly hoping that I have chances of becoming an artist - not that I don’t believe in myself but writing directly to a instrumental is really hard. Could show you lot some of my talent as people say but ages ago it felt like they only said that to make me feel better but since when people started to say that a lot more I believed them truly believed them!
I know this post doesn’t have a structure but I just wanted to release all the sympathy in me or hype or just emotions to you guys.
Depression, anxiety or schizophrenia or other mental issues fuck ‘em. They are just obstacles, now you got to stand the fuck up and fight. If you give up try again - eventually you’ll beat these demons and get rid of them. Now myself I FEEL A LOT BETTER, my mum feels a lot better and MY BROTHER DOES. I sleep at night whole night with no nightmares, voices in my head or visualisation of people in front of me. No more suicidal thoughts, no more thoughts of harming myself. YOU CAN DO IT. ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER FIGHT.
I advise all of y’all to watch and listen to J. Cole - Love yourz.
Nothing is better than your life, your own life this includes these stupid demons.
We got to start finding things that help us think and fight this shit off.
For two years I have been repeating to myself I’m going to die of something before I turn 18. Now I’m 18. I’m alive. I’m walking, I’m breathing I’m fine. From pessimistic Janek to a lot optimistic Janek.
If you say that everything is going to be bad or wrong and you think that is realism, no that’s pure pessimism. There is always a light in the black out tunnel, friend. Just follow the right path, which path though? The path that is righteous by you. You will know which one it is. Fight.
I WON. Fuck you devil. I killed the old me and created a new me.
Sorry had to write something.
Good luck people I love you all. Love, peace and positivity.
Good vibes 💓
|
self.depression
|
My severe acne scars make me want to die. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
"Sunday night I'm killing myself" A girl I've been talking to for half a year now sent me this tonight.
"I’ve been planning this since before we even met so this is a thing that’s happening please don’t try to talk me out of it because I’ve heard it all"
It's been brought up before once, but as a thing in the past that she's not planning to do anymore and it struck me as a surprise. I have no idea what to reply. I want to save her, if it's possible. Could I get any advice, please?
She lives in another country than I do, I don't have any contact with her family/friends, and apparently I'm the only one she told about this.
Edit: To anyone reading this now, she seems to be alright now. Thanks to everyone for the help and support.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I think I’m going to kill myself I think I’m going to kill myself even though I’ve been trying so hard not to. I only have a few more days until I move into supported living, I thought I could keep my shit together until I’m around people who can actually help but I’m really struggling. I’m doing everything to try and not do it but I’m in so much pain. I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper into the abyss that is my depression, I can’t seem to find any other way out.
I tried telling my CPN but she just dropped the subject after I said I hadn’t hurt myself. I tried to tell her how bad it is but it’s like she couldn’t hear me. I also tried to tell my Psychiatrist but she also ignored me after I said I’d only hurt myself a wee bit, I only did it to try and stay in control. I feel like nobody can hear me anymore. It used to be that people forgot about me all the time and now it’s as if I literally have no voice. I feel like I’m turning into a ghost. I wish I was a ghost. I wish and half expect people to walk right through me. It’s like I hardly exist anymore. I’ve tried reaching out for help for years and people have always been completely unable to help or they’ve just ignored me. I’m trying not to kill myself and I think I need help. I feel like if I had a physical illness, I would be in the ICU close to passing right now. I don’t know where to turn. If I go to the hospital, they’ll just treat me like I’m a stupid little kid. They’ve always been so patronising when I’ve been in the past, saying things like: “Your so young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you”, “Don’t you know/care about what this would do to your family?
I can’t turn to my family because they think I’m pathetic, that I need to get my shit together. Every time I’ve had a breakdown in the past they’ve always said: “Why would you do this to us?, “What’s wrong with you?, “Why are you so selfish?
I can’t turn to my friends because I don’t want to burden them with my shit. They shouldn’t have to deal with me.
I’m alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Weekly Success Thread: Share your victories large & small! As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the "little" or "normal" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.
This weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.
---
**Come chat with us!**
That's right we have an /r/Anxiety irc channel were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello! [Chatroom Weblink](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/anxiety) : [More Information](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) We also have a Discord server! To join, click [here](https://discord.gg/qPjH9Xu).
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) | [Community Map](https://redd.it/5ff4bn)
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self.Anxiety
|
Paranoia, detachment and panic. I need to rant and some advice please. Life has been extremely stressful lately. My home country is falling apart with riots, fires and tanks on the streets. Major roads are being taken. There is talks of a civil war probably starting and there is nothing I can do from where I am. My family is in there and I am thousands of miles away powerless and afraid.
In my time there I experienced an array of traumatic events that gave me PTSD and generalized anxiety on top of my bipolar. Recently I became extremely paranoid ans thought ICE would snatch me in a vehicle and deport me. Even though I am here completely legally. Everytime I saw a car I was panicked and didn't know what to do. I couldn't even talk to my boyfriend about it until he got home because I thought his co-workers could hear through the walls and call someone to take me. My home country feels like hell on Earth for me and the thought of having to live there again terrifies me to the point of giving me panic attacks and nightmares.
This hasn't been my first rodeo with paranoia. I have a creepy neighbor who would wake up everyday about the same time I went to school and he would sit on a rock staring at nothing for what I think could be hours. I became really distrustful and thought he was gonna hurt me.
I am also expericing detachment and sometimes I feel like I am not me. Like I am in my body but on autopilot. Also sometimes roads I have been on a hundred times feel unfamiliar. The sky feels fake. Am I losing my grasp on reality? This lasts hours but I have periods of normal too.
Lastly, recently a friend called me crying and telling me he was holding a gun and was going to kill himself. The shit hole of a country has no help for suicidal people. If you kill yourself you are a disgrace and did not appreciate the life god gave you. It was so hard. What if i said the wrong thing in a split second and then hear a bang? He would have been gone.
I know.mental health first aid and I was able to save him. However, now I am extremely afraid of phone calls and messages. I feel like and of them could be terrible news. What if i miss a call and someone dies? Am I a magnet for disaster. In the past 6 months 4 people I know were suicidal or attempted suicide. Do i just have friends who are as troubled as I am? Like alike attracts alike?
I have a very understanding boyfriend and he is my only contact with no mental illness. He is super supportive but sometimes it feels like as much as he helps me, he can't understand the desperation and the struggle of living with chronic illness. As for my friends who have problems, i don't want to overwhelm them too. What if talking about suicide triggers them to do it?. So thought talking her might help.
|
self.bipolar
|
Some advice for an 18 yr old? Hey Reddit,
I apologize for the long post but I’m really in need of advice!
I’m a female, I’m 18 years old, just finished HS, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months and the Thursday before Christmas my 22 year old boyfriend cheated on me. Mind you, a month into dating I caught him texting another female but we fixed that issue real quick.
I was hanging out with my small group of friends on Thursday. On Friday, I had work (3pm-12am I work at a bakery) after work my boyfriend asked me to come over because he was sick and wanted me there, so I came and got the key from him at his job and then I went to his place. He works at Costco and since Christmas was in about 2 days he had to work an overnight shift because they needed to bake extra pies and such.
It’s been pretty chilly here so when I got to his place I was undoing the blanket because it was all in a bunch!
Well, as I was unraveling it I found an ear cuff. A gold, feminine, flowery ear cuff. I was actually on the phone with him when I discovered it. Quick disclaimer, my boyfriend is a big hot head, he gets mad pretty easily and oh, he’s allowed to ask me all the questions in the world but if I ask him more than a couple questions he gets pretty uptight with me.
He has a small group of friends, he’s a big gamer and so are his buddies, he has no female friends but he knows a lot of people. He’s THAT type of person. I have a small group of friends as well, my twin sister, our gay best friend and then my own best friend...That’s my group of friends. I don’t have any other guy friends, I’ve tried multiple times and it never goes well so I stopped trying. It’s very hard for me to find someone attractive, before this I️ had been single for 4 years. I’m a long-term person when it comes to relationships. Btw, my boyfriend knows my phone passcode, his fingerprints are in my phone so he can go in it whenever he likes. I’m very very open about my phone with him because I have nothing to hide. I have no social media.
I ended up confronting him about it a couple minutes after it actually sank in that I just found this in his bed.
He ended up denying denying denying, “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. It might be your sisters.” (My sister is never over his place, so that’s when I figured something wasn’t right when he was saying random things). At one point I said, “Well we can agree it didn’t grow feet and get here on its own correct?” & He agreed.
I ended up staying the night. The couple times I tried to bring it up the next morning, he got heated really quick.
I went to work the next day and I told my coworkers the story because I felt like they’d be able to give me fair answers, while my own best friends would’ve just been livid.
My coworkers were pointing out all these things, “Well it wasn’t just laying on his bed it was IN the sheet...He couldn’t give you a straight answer and when you first brought it up he immediately got defensive in a way you’ve never seen from him before”, let me be clear when it comes to my boyfriend I have NO backbone.
So one of my coworkers suggested this, he said, “How about you ask him for the girls number so you can have the closure you need, and if it isn’t a problem and he has nothing to hide he’ll give you her number without issues. If he says ANYTHING ELSE besides ‘Yes, her number is...’ THEN you have a huge problem. Huge red flag. Immediate big red flag.” I said “Well, okay, sounds good to me because I’ve heard what he has to say but I want to hear her say it for my own sanity”.
That same night, I️ brought it up again after I had gotten off work and I was on the phone with him on my way home from work, I said to him, “For my own closure and peace of mind can I please have her number?” and he flat out said “Nope, I’m not giving you her number. I’m not going to let you text her, she barely knows you. You’re a stranger to her. Nope I’m not doing it.” and I’m like “I’m sure she would understand, she’s a female. She already knows what’s going on”. Then I said “Well why won’t you?” And he said “I’m just not”.
While he was still at work on Friday night I told him, “Okay so you’re saying it’s Steph’s because she came over to cop some green, and she must’ve sat on your bed for a minute or two right? So text her this photo to make sure it’s hers please”, and he had told me “Yeah I️ texted her and she said it’s hers” and I said “Okay well, for my own closure can I please see a screenshot of it?” And he said “I deleted the conversation I don’t keep any of my conversations because they take up space” I knew he was lying to me because a couple days before I looked over his shoulder and he had a whole inbox full of conversations. So I said “Okay well send it to her again and show me then”, when he got home he showed me it was the photo I had told him to send to her, and under it it said “Is this yours?” And that someone said “Yes”.
Well on my way home from work when I asked him for this female’s number and he wouldn’t give it to me, I realized THEN that the whole time I told him to text to make sure it was hers, it wasn’t Steph’s because if it was he would have been able to shoot me the phone number easily.
Christmas night rolls around, I come over, his parents are in town, we exchange gifts and then he wants to go out to his car to talk.
To sum it up, he was telling me “In the last couple of days I’ve realized just how much you mean to me, you’re the love of my life.” He spoke about new adventures and new money opportunities as if we were going to pursue them together and beforehand, any type of opportunity like that he would talk about it like “you do you I do me”, when I first got there he was being very affectionate which I’m not used to him being AT ALL.
After awhile I basically said, “Well I have something to say...” and spilled how I really felt ever since Friday night. He finally admitted to cheating on me and it was with someone I’ve never even heard of. He poured his heart out to me, we cried together and shit got deeper than ever.
I really feel like he’s being honest with me and that he isn’t going to do it again. I feel like instead of breaking us apart it has made us stronger and is going to make us stronger because it shows him that I’m really here no matter what.
Although, the trust really did break after he admitted to cheating. I trusted him 100% before, especially after I caught him talking to some girl a month into dating. Is it normal that I don’t fully trust him anymore?
The reason I’m writing this now is because he’s going back to Georgia for a couple days to see his parents, and I’m just worried, I don’t have anyone else to turn to.
I need outside opinions, because I️’m unsure if I’m being a bit blind to the reality of this whole situation. Any questions I’d be happy to ask.
PS We both have high libidos and our sex has always been priceless so there’s a part of me that really feels like he just made a mistake and it showed him how much he really does love me.
|
self.offmychest
|
I think my ex is using me but I can't bring myself to stop seeing him He makes me feel bad about myself. He reminds me all the time of how shitty I was in our relationship, how I didn't manage my mental health and how I was just all around Not A Good Person. I've lost a lot of weight since our break-up, and he commented the other night how even though I'm skinny, my stomach is still flabby. You know, the dreaded skinny-fat physique. Then he talked about how the girl he was dating recently had a really nice body and how for her it was "effortless". How flat her stomach was. It made me feel awful, and I told him so. He apologized, but it's not like that makes me forget what he said.
On the one hand, he has every right to shame me for my shittiness when we were together. He doesn't owe me anything. He's still wrapped up in his own drama of fucking me while he was dating someone new and ruining that potential relationship. And when I tell him how much this has hurt me, he tells me it isn't about me. He's right, I guess. I have feelings though, and every time I see him posting something agonizing over what he did to *her*, it tears me up. I'm hurting too. You slept with me, got back together with me when you got caught by her, and then felt too guilty so you broke it off. Fair enough, but what are we doing now?
What is this? We're dating, but not really? Do you love me, or am I just here as a warm body like she was until you can figure out your own issues and move on to something new? Am I significant to you at all? Do my feelings matter at all?
Did I forfeit the right to be upset about this when I decided to keep seeing you on your terms (or lack thereof)?
He's not a bad person, but he makes me feel so small sometimes. I love him to death and my heart aches to see him struggling but at the end of the day, I can't completely put aside my own emotions. I'm too selfish. I want you to myself, I don't want you to be thinking about the stupid robe she wore or how fit she is while we're together.
I feel inadequate. I feel incredibly sad, and confused. And I feel like I don't even have a right to these emotions. The relationship ended because of *me*, because of what I wasn't doing to care for myself. This is my fault to begin with. I'm trying not to be selfish and stop focusing on my own feelings, but it's fucking hard, and I suck at it.
This was all pretty disjointed and rambling, I just needed to kind of spew words out because I don't know who I can tell this to. I'm just feeling shitty and bad about myself. Oh well.
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self.offmychest
|
Good grief, Logic needs to shut the fuck up He knows nothing! Same thing with Khalid, and Alessia. It doesn't get better, and God isn't real you dumb fucks! I was doing so well until this song came on and reminded me why I want to die so badly.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I really would like someone to talk with. I’ve been going through so much lately, I honest to god can’t stand it. I keep trying to pick myself up but it’s just been so hard. I just need someone to talk with so I can stop this horrible anxiety feeling that I can’t shake
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Diagnosed officially with cyclothymic disorder...is there a place for me here? I started looking at this sub when my diagnosis was uncertain and possibly BD 2 or NOS, but now it's been re-diagnosed as cyclothymic disorder. Am I still allowed in this sub? Or am I going to be too out of place to really participate in things?
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm so goddamn angry over an egg. I've been in the kitchen for over an hour trying to make eggs that are ACTUALLY COOKED AND IM THROWING AWAY SO MUCH FOOD AND GOD THAT MAKES ME FEEL WORSE. IM IRRATIONALLY ANGRY OVER AN EGG. IVE TRIED 5 MINS, IVE TRIED 7 MINS AND THEYRE STILL NOT COOKED.
HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY COOK THE DAMN THINGS?!?!?!
|
self.offmychest
|
100-0 I can go from amazingly confident, funny, smart and witty to a shaking, sweating mess in a matter of minutes and its so frustrating. I feel on top of the world then like nothing in such a short period of time.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Not sure if my job is causing my depression or if I just need friends Edit: this is a throwaway username to avoid being identified.
The job:
I started a job in IT support a year and a half ago. It’s a bit like a call center, but instead of random customers, you talk to the same handful of customers about all their problems with your application. The reason I mention this is that it makes me personally responsible for their application’s success. I have 3 customers I look after.
Like most young professionals, I learned pretty quickly that most jobs aren’t what they seem, and that you are often faced with tough challenges. This is okay with me, because I don’t think that growth can be achieved without challenge. However, there’s a lot to the job that others seem to handle so gracefully, so I often wonder if I’ve been handed tough customers. One is undoubtedly difficult, another fluctuates, but one of the analysts always demands to know absolutely everything, which is impossible to meet on the timeframe she demands, and the last customer is so understaffed that I often have to pick up slack to ensure their success.
In addition to this, I was unexpectedly forced to travel for work just about every month since I got customers, but I’m also expected to keep up with all my other customer work while I’m traveling. Even while I’m out on vacation, nobody else is taking care of the customers despite having told my backups specific things to look at while I’m gone. I vowed, after my last week long vacation, that I will never ever take another whole week off while I work here. It’s just not worth it. This decision also makes me sad, but I know it’s necessary.
In addition to my inability to be out of office, I also am “encouraged “ to be a part of internal initiatives, which is a factor for raises. This is stupid because people who have less difficult customers will - you guessed it - have more time for these initiatives and get better raises because they are more “visible.” I am part of 2 initiatives, but as I become more tenured, they are fishing for me to take on more “opportunities.”
I’ve tried talking to my manager several times about the workload, but all she has are platitudes about how it’ll get better and blah de blah de blah. I keep working. Sometimes, I’ll even be remotely okay for a week and a half before everything comes crashing down again because dev made a stupid mistake (and I get to pay with my time and sanity).
I don’t actually work a ton of hours and often average out at 45/wk over the year, but the standard deviation on that is very big. I’ve been trying so hard to establish some kind of schedule, but I just can’t with this job, which makes me feel like something is slowly crushing my chest and closing my throat. Everywhere I turn, people say “oh well at least you aren’t working 60-70 hour weeks and have a roof, clothes and food!” Or “ you weakling hahaha you should just suck it up and work until it’s done like you’re cramming for a college final!” Most days, I catch myself also repeating these ridiculous statements that tell me that I’m not enough and never will be enough and that I might as well just quit because I’m worthless at my job. Most of the time nowadays I just want to curl up and disappear.
My personal life:
I used to have friends in college, which was nice. I don’t have friends anymore. My parents think that I just need to get out more, but where the hell do I actually go to make friends? I hate everyone I interact with daily, I don’t live in the city, I hate things other people my age do and anyone older has kids. I’m not one to trust quickly. I normally am pretty okay on my own/have been historically fairly independent.
TL;DR: fresh-ish out of college, learning how much my job sucks, can’t establish a daily schedule, can’t tell if I just need to make friends or get a new job (or both)
Also been feeling severely down and anxious since basically September 2017. I’m trying to get a therapist to see me. Am I crazy to think that my job may be a source of my feeling down/anxious?
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self.depression
|
Anti Depressants.. Hi guys/girls. I've had depression for nearly a decade and it's only getting worse and worse, I've been prescribed anti depressants before but I didn't want to take them because I felt like I wanted to controls my own emotions and stuff, which looking back is pretty stupid and uncontrollable. I'm already overweight and I've heard they make you want to eat even more, is that true? Do they actually work? In terms of what they're prescribed for. Do they actually make you happier? I'm at the stage where nothing can make me happy. I feel like it's the end of my life.... my first true love left me over 5 months ago and I still can't get over it. It has made my actual depression alot worse overall. (I know alot of people get sadness and depression mixed up, I am aware. I'm just saying this has made it worse, somehow.) I don't have many options now, so I feel anti depressants might be my last chance.
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self.depression
|
I hate my brother and I don't know how to deal with it. This is a long backstory so I'll try to condense it.
My brother was fine until he was about 17. Then we moved in with my dad (mom was abusive, dad got custody) he started seeing this girl at a new school and she must've been a terrible influence as he started skipping class, sneaking out, stealing shit etc.
Anyway, he's 27 now, and I'm 25. He is now just completely a garbage person. Whenever he visits my parents we have to lock up valuables so they don't go 'missing' and he keeps trying to talk to me at family gatherings. The weird thing is he'll physically corner me and talk at me. (He's also a compulsive liar and brags about shit everyone knows never happened)
He also encouraged the guy who raped me when I was 13 to date me (guy was 18) so I also hold a lot of resentment for that, too.
My family still invites him to everything (Christmas, Thanksgiving etc) and I fucking hate being around him. Am I an asshole for still hating him and not wanting to see him? I can't forgive him for what he did to me, or for hurting my parents.
Whenever he's invited somewhere, I end up just not going, which sucks because I've missed Christmas a few times already. Should I just deal with it? Stand up to him and tell him why we'll never be cool? Or should I just keep avoiding him?
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self.offmychest
|
Just wanna run away. Let me start off with that Im in depression for so many years now, that depression became me, it changed me so much that I became ignorant to it, and just got going with it.
Until tonight... I just realized that nothing makes me happy, except 1 thing - to run away, into the wild.
Just me, nature, and freedom.
FREEDOM of job, social expectaions, family expectations, salaries, cities, everything..
But how Im possible to just single-handly throw away all of this, when there are people in my life that care for me, and expect me to "build an empire from scratch", when Im lying to my family that Im still in college and Im doing good just so they dont worry(my mom have health issues and really that will destroy her..)
And really the fuckin worst thing is that even if i handle all of this, and STILL WONT MAKE ME HAPPY..
So, is running away into the wild a solution?
Because i feel like thats the only thing that can bring some joy to my soul
|
self.depression
|
Literally shaking but was brave and made a phone call I’ve been wanting to go back to college even just part time (been dealing with a lot of depression as well and feeling stuck), haven’t been since 2015 when I dropped out because I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a nurse anymore and then I got pregnant/married, but I’ve been working as a CNA the whole whole and my job is making me even more anxious and unhappy as much as I love the core of what I do. I’m tired of being considered below and bullied by people in my field I’m smarter then and care more then and today was a little (big!) step for me, calling the school and finding out what my best option to get my foot back in the door! Semester starts next Tuesday :O :3
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why are people so quick to give advice? I've been depressed for over a year. I've read a lot about it and I've thought a lot about it. If I had studied something else for a year and you knew nothing about it, you wouldn't give me advice in our first conversation.
So why do people always give me advice they spent 5 seconds coming up with, when I tell them about my depression? You won't tell me something I haven't heard before.
Maybe, they think it's a simple emotion that I can easily change or they don't know what to say. But if you don't know enough and you care, you could just show empathy and try to learn more about it.
|
self.depression
|
My biggest regret is going to University I regret going to school when I did. If I could go back I would have gone to university directly after highschool, but I didn't. I waited.
I regret going to college right after getting married. We had no kids, we had no money, you had depression. I regret not working full-time while you went to school. I regret being broke while we both tried to study. I never regret marrying you because all other living arrangements were very unhealthy.
I regret going to University after college. I did it out of a sense of obligation. I worked two jobs to keep food on the table while I studied. Your depression got worse and I didn't see it because I was never home. I regret not quitting and supporting you through your school.
Now you have moderate depression and no degree. You cannot continue your program due to academic failures. I ended up not finishing my degree and switching schools. I'm back at square one.
You are finally getting a job in your field, computer programming, even with no degree. If I could go back, I'd work full-time and not go to school. I'd support you to get your degree. This path could have been so much easier.
I'm back at square one, it would have made no difference to me if I hadn't studied. But it would have made all the difference for you.
I know you don't mind. You were the one who insisted I study. I regret that now. I should have listened to myself, not you.
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self.offmychest
|
The need to make others feel happy instead of myself I've been trying to make people around me happy by being their listening ear and helping them with everything I can help with but at the end of the day, I still go back to being a depressed little turtle. There seems to be this void that I feel in my heart every night that I can never seem to understand. It's just this feeling of loneliness even with my significant other being around. I'm really not sure what I'm feeling but I can surely confirm that I've been feeling like that since a long time ago even before I've met my SO.. odd.
|
self.depression
|
Advice on bad memories I noticed something about myself.
Whenever i start to feel down my head reminds me of bad or embaresing things that happened.
Out of nowhere i start overthinking these moments from my life. Going trough them over and over again. When i'm alone at home i even start talking to myself about them as if i'd talk to someone else that was involved in it.
Even if i would do everything the same again and think i'm completely over it i still get these weird flashbacks along with feeling really bad.
Does anyone have similar experiences?
Maybe even some advice on how to stop giving these attention?
I hate how just getting reminded of some stupid moment from months or even years ago can drag me down like this.
|
self.depression
|
Boyfriend (M/26)with anxiety disorder has totally changed Hey all
I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, he did disclose when we met he had anxiety. Lately he has been behaving erratic, distant and has totally shut down communication.
This has occurred all of a sudden, l few week prior he was in "normal mode"
I do understand that avoidance is often related to anxiety, but its so hurtful for me to watch someone change so fast
I do know I have to give him space, but for me I am heartbroken and confused
what should I do
|
self.Anxiety
|
Calendar for christmas i was blessed with a calendar, not any normal calendar, oh no. A fucking health habits and positive quote calendar. I get the idea of gifting it to me but I still fucking HATE IT. I hate that stupid ass calendar. I got a book last year about thinking happy thoughts too. If someone is struggling this isnt the kind of shit that you give them. Mostly because they DONT WORK. They are just shitty quotes hanging on your wall or stashed in a book in the back of your closet.
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self.depression
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I don't want to do the work I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. I've been depressed all my life and I have to struggle to take care of myself every day and it's not worth it. I don't want to manage my depression or anxiety or PTSD or fight my negative thoughts I'm done. This isn't worth it. My life is like this never ending escalator with a fire pit at the bottom. I have to keep running to save myself and if I ever stop, I'll get dragged back down again. I'm done with this shit show of a life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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At My Wit's end -- Looking for advice (Low End) Hey guys,
I've been REALLY struggling with the depression lately. I'm having suicidal thoughts most of the day, all day. I don't think that is the solution, so I thought it would be a good idea to reach out to a community of people who get it.
So I've returned from University after having a severe manic episode ruined the second semester of my school year. This one was bad... and it left me with very few friends and I'm less a semester of credits.
Most of my highs end up being catalyzed by drug use, which has gotten much better over the years, but I had a slip one weekend and then lo and behold what followed.
Right now, I'm back at home living with my mom, and won't be going back to school until January.
I've been sober 6 months this week, but my depression just keeps on digging me deeper and deeper into it. I find watching cartoons almost too much, and most of the time I just lie down.
I'm taking Seroquel and Wellbutrin at this point. It has not helped whatsoever. I have tried escitalopram, trintillex, and effexor as well, but none have made any marked improvement.
At this point in the past, I would have gone back to self medicating with Cannabis, as that takes the thoughts away and allows me to enjoy mundane things. It makes me fairly unproductive though, and is not possible for me to do while living at home now, as it would seriously compromise my living situation.
I'm basically at my wit's end. I have no idea what to do, or what might help. A light within signals that there is a solution, but I don't know what it is.
Any advice/ help would be super appreciated!
All the best.
TL;DR: Struggling with my depression. Looking for advice.
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self.bipolar
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Anyone else with constant nightmares and/or night time/sleep anxiety? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I wonder when Hi,
I've thought about suicide for a long time. I'm a sophomore in college (20) and I have suicidal thoughts. I dont make attempts or hurt myself, but I feel so unattached to anything in life. I hate college, and life in general. I don't know when but I feel like at some point in my life I will kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i fucked up i fucked up i admit i been such an asshole while everyone is ranting about love im just sitting here ranting about my life and how i fucked it up now everyone hates me even my family i just can't take it anymore everyone is against me
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self.depression
|
13/M Does anyone feel empty? With my illness, I used to feel sad and cry a lot. But starting a few days ago, I'm starting to feel just empty. Neutral. I've noticed myself attempting SH a lot more, and I pretty much think about depression all the time now. I still have homework that needs to be done by Monday :-(
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self.depression
|
reasons why i am still alive at the moment i felt like this was necessary, for my own sanity
1. my family
2. i don’t my roommate for next year to have to find a new one
3. all the tuition money my family has spent thus far would be going to waste
4. the guilt my friends may/may not have if i were to die
no reasons involving just me, sadly. i hope they come
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self.offmychest
|
I hate nearly everyone I work with I primarily work with 5 other people on a rotating 12 hour shift at a warehouse and each and every one of them is incompetent in some great way. People call out all the time, leaving more work for the next guy, usually me. When people actually decide to come to work they are so lazy. All they do is play on their phones and talk about things that aren't important. Everyone is messy, leaving boxes and spills around without cleaning up after themselves. They don't even put boxes on pallets like they are supposed to. On an average day I stock boxes 2-3 times. These idiots can't even do it once. I gotta quit.
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self.offmychest
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I finally did it (trigger warning like no other) (TRIGGER WARNING FOR ABUSE)
I finally did it. I've been on a downward spiral for years, drinking very heavily and self medicating since fifth grade when I was 11. I hated my body, my self, I wanted to die.
Yesterday if you asked me if I would have told this secret I would have told you I was crazy. But I was having a serious talk about my addiction problems, and my heart was beating out of my chest and I told my mother I had to say this now or never.
I admitted I was raped when I was 11 by a boy I knew in my old neighborhood. I'm usually not out of words but all I can say is she apologized she didn't recognize the signs (told her don't worry I hide things tooooo well, like the drinking, drugs, etc.)
I don't know how I feel right now, I just wanted to share this, I don't know why. But holy shit, I feel like a ton of weight is off my shoulders, she told me she now understood more why I've had such issues and told me she wants to get me into a rape counseling group.
She was very supportive, only thing she said was she wished I told her earlier because she would have killed that little fucker. I think about that as well (I wouldn't, not revenging or anything) but I just keep track of the little fuck online with his public jail records.
I'm kinda numb right now. I'm going to get help now, she knows and honestly I'm glad I finally told. It feels free having her know for some reason. I've kept this a secret from everyone in my life for 12 years. The guy who did it was 'making me straight' because I realized I was gay very early.
I blamed myself for a long time, but she told me not to. I was fucking 11 for christ sakes, but I still feel it was my fault a bit (I know it's not I'm working on this). But I didn't have a fucking panic attack when I told, I actually just cried a bit and she held me. I'm rambling now. Just wanted to tell someone else as well.
Sorry if this was triggering for some but holy fuck the secret is out and I feel better? I don't know, having some wine and chilling with her now. I love her, it was not her fault I hid everything in my life because I was ashamed. But I am not going to be ashamed any longer. **HE** should be ashamed. My only solace and (sorry if this is cruel) is that his life is a piece of shit and he's been in and out of jail since two years after he raped me (I never told so not because of that).
But anyway, I just wanted to spit this out. Thanks for reading. Sorry if I hurt anyone emotionally. Peace ya'll.
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self.Anxiety
|
the first step is a huge step! hi all, I've been following this community and the inspiring support for a fair while now.
I just made a huge step forward in my life...I just called and did an intake for a therapist!!
Looking forward my goal is to work with an individual therapist as well as working within a DBT group. It's scary, but so is not getting help...
I've lived with bipolar for much of my life, and it has been incredibly tough for me to take these steps towards getting better and doing what will actually help me in life.
I felt like I needed to share this huge step with someone and didn't know where else to turn!
Thanks for your time, guys, this is a huge deal for me! :-)
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self.bipolar
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sad and in a lot of physical discomfort ok, wasn't planning on typing this out, but may as well
So I goto an AA meeting tuesday nights, and there was a woman, whom i liked and we would always hug each other when we were both there, but she hasnt shown up in a few weeks, now while I am aware she may have chosen another meeting these past few weeks or been out of town, for the holidays, I feel like she just up and left and I missed a chance to ask her out, She got a year in november and now I am really sad and missing her hugs, but on top of that, my upper back near my right shoulder blade is giving me problems, and is super tight and wont relax. plus I have been getting a rash from god knows what on my hips (starting to think my continuous glucose monitor or insulin pump may be causing this) I feel really sad and down right now and just feel like I missed my chance to have a decent relationship with someone, who like me, is sober and wants to remain that way. annoying part is, i could have gotten her number numerous times, but didn't either due to fear of being found out that I had it and called either creepy or stalker (last things I need right now), so even though I could have copied her number into my phone and not have anyone notice right away, I chose not to and wait for the right time. Maybe there never was a right time with this one. Damn my anxiety may it rot in hell along with whatever is causing this rash. Now I feel like I will never be loved by another or have a chance at happiness. I just want to give up so badly if I can't be happy, then why keep going? I know I have some rope somewhere, just need to find it
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Woke up middle of the night. And felt panic and doom. Loneliness. Am scared [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Going to sleep now, hope to be in a better place once I wake. I’ve been severely depressed for about 8 months now, currently I’m behind in school because I was dealing with a funeral for my grandmother who passed. Now that thats over I’ve contracted the flu, I just keep getting kicked down and see little reason to continue putting effort into my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Desperate for some help I posted a few days ago about my pathetic situation but if I don't talk to someone about this right now I just don't know whats going to happen so I'm just putting my pathetic story out there again in hopes someone will listen.
I don't even expect anyone to read about a pathetic strangers life but Im typing
this because I literally have no one to talk to and starting to fall into a very dark place extremely fast.
I'm 45 and I literally wasted my life. I managed to get addicted to the computer 20 years ago and push every person in my life away over the years without even realizing it. I didn't even realize I would go days or longer without talking to someone because I had all my "online" friends to hang out with.
I work for myself and I only work 4-10 days a month and that became literally my only human contact.
Just before my 40th birthday in 2012 it all clicked, that I missed out having a family, friends.. everything a normal person would do. Everything I wanted. I honestly thought it would all just happen. The whole.."you'll find her when you're not looking". I completely lost it. I was ready to kill myself but also wasn't ready (kind of like right now).
I reason I snapped was just prior to that I managed to finally connect with someone on okcupid after trying for years. Of course
I became way too clingy in a very short amount of time and she dumped me rightfully so. Problem is..it woke me up to realizing how utterly alone I was and completely panicked.
Overnight I went from a guy who would spend days in a room by myself to not being
able to be alone for literally 2 mins without having a panic attack.
I reached out to medical doctors, mental health people, went to crisis centers in the middle of the night.. I really tried to get help because I saw suicide getting closer and closer but every single doctor made me feel way worse about myself. I got to the point of the belt around the neck over the top of the door frame but didn't go through with it.
I reached out to every past friend, co worker, acquaintance in desperation. People I barely knew.
I literally couldn't be alone because it truly made me realize I AM alone.
I can imagine how foolish and desperate I looked to a lot of them. Most of them blew me off of course.
I really was reaching for ANYONE to connect with and was moving lower and lower on my list.
I ended up reconnecting with an ex friend from decades ago and his ex wife managed to get me hooked on opiates (oxy and heroin) because "it will make you feel better".
Sadly they did make me feel better and now I'm an opiate addict for the rest of my life.
That woman proceeded to steal many thousands of dollars from me since she was my only contact to get the stuff. I was doing it 24/7 for well over 2 years spending well over $1000 a week at it's peak.
I got to the point of OD'ing almost daily before I managed to quit. Months and months of withdraw. Yes it's as bad as the movies make it seem.
When I did quit opiates I took up smoking weed 24/7 just to fuck myself up enough not to want to kill myself daily.
Literally 24/7. Every waking moment Im high to this day. I know this is really not helping me but the alternative is me sitting here sober and losing it.
Anywho,
At the same time this was going on back in 2012 I pathetically told a co worker I barely knew my story and that I was suicidal. I cant even imagine how pathetic I looked, and also the complete and utter pressure I put on this man during this time. I can't make excuses other than when ur as fucked up as I was I didn't know any better. It was a fight for my survival. He took mercy on me for a bit and his wife decided to hook me up with a friend of hers.
I was suicidal, going to psychiatrists, on anti depressants, anti anxiety drugs, snorting heroin up my nose..and telling complete strangers how pathetic I am and couldn't be alone for 2 mins so of course I started a relationship with the girl. A girl
I wasn't even into. A girl I wasn't attracted to and she knew it but she just got left at the alter and was desperate to. She was moved in in weeks. Over the next 2.5 years we obviously didn't get along. Fights daily while she destroyed my once nice home either by throwing things at me..or just being the biggest slob ever. What could I do? I didn't have any other options. I couldn't be alone. While I have zero doubt
I was horrible to her as well..I really do feel taken advantage of since she knew I wasn't in a healthy state of mind at all.
I put on a ton of weight during that relationship.
She finally decided to leave. I thought I'd lose it again..but managed to be just fine. That was 3 years ago.
I went back to being a hermit and somehow forgetting/blocking out my misery
and that's where I stood until recently.
3 years of being extremely overweight..addicted to weed 24/7...
literally no one to even talk on the phone or in person unless im at work which is
only a small amount of hours a month..I managed to fall right back into my trap.
However at the beginning of 2017 I decided to give one last shot.
I decided to try to fix my health, Get my finances to the point of being able to retire at 45 from a job I grew to hate..and then last on the list was to try to find someone to share my life with even possibly make some friends.
Well, after losng 80lbs this year..and some wise investments the first 2 things on my list are close to being completed.
This is where the trouble began again. I've been dreaming about quitting the job
for awhile now but now that the time is here..I realize it's literally the only human interaction I have with people. Even though Im not friends with any of them...
its the closest thing I have to actual relationships.
From that moment I've started to fall back into the major depression because
it's "clicking" again that I have absolutely no one.
Just for reference I went almost 2 weeks over the holidays not even seeing another face. Not even opening my mouth to talk to someone. Since then I have worked 1 days..and Ive been alone again for the last number of days. Not sure how
lonely you realize this is when you actually realize you're lonely instead of blocking it out.
I'm starting to lose it guys.
So if I quit my job that I hate I lose ALL human contact with ANYONE that even remotely knows about me. Most of those people probably don't even like me
but they at least know me to a point.
The 3rd and most important thing on my list..I realize I don't have the tools
in order to make that happen in a healthy way. I'm truly stuck.
I apologize for such a rambling post. I just dont know what to do.
I can't even turn to old friends or acquaintances like I did 5 years ago.
No one knows me. No one loves me. I might as well be living on Mars right now.
Not even joking..prisoners in solitary confinement have more human interaction
than I do. I know this is NOT healthy for my brain.
How on earth could I even have a relationship with someone with my brain as fucked up as it is. I'm in a lose/lose situation.
How fucked up is it..that if someone actually takes the time to read this post
I could literally call that person my best friend? Let that sink in.
All I want is to be loved by someone yet I know the odds are that I have a better
chance of ending up with a bullet in my head and im scared.
I don't know what to do. I don't have the social skills, motivation, or anyone to cheer me on to try to fix this.
The sad thing is..even though i have to say this since i have no one else to..
i know Im a decent person. I'm good at most things I attempt..Im financially independent. I'm not hideous looking just painfully average looking.
I'd love some advice :/
I know the easy response is "go to a meet up"..."join a club" but realize
it's not that easy for me. That's like saying "just jump off the bridge the bungee will
hold you". I'm just not to that stage. If I was surrounded by support sure...
but when ur standing on the edge of the bridge alone with no one around
it becomes very hard for me to get the courage.
Well at least I used up an hour of my pathetic day typing this out. Only 15 more to go before I can go to sleep again to wake up and do the same tomorrow.
Yea..im pretty sure I know how this is going to end. :/
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self.depression
|
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