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The next right thing... I've been struggling with depression on and off my whole adult life. I've convinced myself that I can power through it because I know eventually I'll feel better. I find some sort of satisfaction in getting through the struggle. Like, ah ha depression, I beat you again!! suckaaa!
This last bout of depression has lasted longer than usual so
In my attempts to feel better without getting on meds I've quit drinking, I eat healthy, I quit my shitty job and got I job I like and Ive weeded out friends that were bringing me down. It's helped some, I no longer shake and sweat from constant anxiety. But, I'm tired of fighting it. Tired of feeling tired, empty, and waiting for the moment I feel good again. Not like I am responsible for the entire world and their happiness.
So what's the next right thing? wait? Get on meds? Change more things in my life? These are mostly questions for me, its just nice to get them out.
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self.depression
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Is anyone else drunk right at this moment? Right now? at this current moment? Period! Like the title said.
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self.depression
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I'm getting closer and closer I fucking hate everything. If i'm not distracted by something, the thoughts of how pointless my life has been and will continue to be, wanting to cut myself, and how pathetic I am surface. My coping techniques are working. Even when I distract myself by trying to go out and do things, the thoughts always intrude. The cutting barely helps anymore and I keep trying to go deeper and deeper. Alcohol is too hard to come by, and I need more to be distracted than I used to. I should probably talk to my doctor about how the pills aren't working, but I can't bring myself to do it I'm fucking scared wimpy and pathetic. I just put a knife against my throat and imagined cutting deep. I have rope, I don't know how long i'll be able to go without trying to hangmyself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Antipsychotics [discussion starter] Hey everyone, first time poster here. This is kind of a two-fer, can delete if not allowed.
So I wanted to see if anyone has experienced something like what I've gone through in regards to meds. I was diagnosed in May of 2016, started mood stabilizers (thank sweet baby Jesus for these) and was put on antipsychotics in August of that same year. Before I was on ap's, even when I was cycling or having an episode, I could think. I mean, I could write, think abstractly, be creative. This is important to me bc writing is one of my coping mechanisms. I noticed myself becoming dull after I was put on ap's. I had to try with my writing that once came easily, and my creativity was squashed. I had difficulty with Intro English essays (college student). They absolutely helped with my depression, but I felt stifled. I stopped taking them in March bc I just could not deal with feeling like that anymore, and I'm starting to feel like myself again. Still on my mood stabilizers though. I am not demonizing ap's, I know every body is different, but I wonder if this has happened to anyone else. Thanks for your comments.
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self.bipolar
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the love of my life committed suicide 9 days ago. and I'm engaged to another. Since 2015 i've had an ongoing relationship with my best friend, and love. we distanced ourselves the last two months while still keeping in contact. and he committed suicide due to health issues. but i've been engaged for a year. although; through our entire relationship i still would let him know how much i loved him and that i needed to leave my partner. now I'm disgusted with myself and need to break it off. now that it's too late. advice? i can't get myself to break her heart
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self.offmychest
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I'm very conflicted about my life. Day after day and I'm still alive. I've had suicidal thoughts for years now. Not the conventional, 'should I commit suicide?' routine but I just think about how people even dare commit it. I don't know if I should think them weak for just quitting on life or think them strong for having the courage to go through with it.
I (19) feel quite alone, having no friends and having my brother (18) hate me more often than like me (if at all). He says he'd rather just be away from me when we get into arguments so he's moving soon. Obviously for him, the bad times outweigh the good. I feel toxic towards him and I end up blaming him for it, only because sometimes he goes too far during arguments. I hate it though. I hate how it's all my fault. I hate how I have got nobody else to blame but me (or should I?). I hate how I have no friends and I mean REAL friends that look out for you or even a girlfriend. I'm unsociable because I want to be, because it gives me peace and I suffer on the other end where I don't have people to talk to or hang out with so you can see the conflict there. I'm annoyed at literally everything we live for because in the end why should it matter? I'm annoyed that even though I'm doing a course specialising in physics, I have a very difficult time understanding it.
I know I'm not the only one so I wish that no one had to put up a facade, so we could see through each other like the broken glass we really are and then we might be able to heal together. I don't know if I need someone to talk to because I'm probably too stubborn to do so and even that annoys me so this is the best I got for now; posting a problem in a space that probably no one will read or care or have seen enough of that they pass on through. I hate that too.
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self.offmychest
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Failing College I'm a freshman mechanical engineering student, and I am failing all my classes. Even worst, I don't even like mechanical, and was planning to switch to computer engineering. But now it looks like the soonest I will switch majors will be during sophomore year, and that's if I get 4.0 gpa consistently for my next quarters. And I don't even think I will have the energy to do that. The fact that i'm failing my first quarter makes me feel that I will be worthless.
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self.depression
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Anyone else too tired and depressed to go to class/lectures? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Does anyone's family anytime your seeing any of them just completely make you panic and or stressed out at times. It's like you love them deep down but it's like get the fuck away from me. I'm sorry. But I'm so anxious. They also know how to push my buttons and really upset me. And I told my sister I wasn't feeling good. I'm so fucking mad at myself. I don't tell anyone when I'm panicking. But it was lasting so long today. I really gotta ween myself off these pills. Get back to healthy clean eating. And reduce my alcohol consumption to 1-2 nights a week at a maximum. I plan to lose these next 15/20 lbs and remain there. No more excuses. I also think a girlfriend would help me out. I saw a girl for a short bit a little over a year ago and it was really helpful. I also have a job that I love now and if I have this mixed with a nice gal to help hold me down lol, I think I would be in a real good spot
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self.Anxiety
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How to get help for a suicidal schitzophrenic who is suffering from grief? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Please help Can I go to he hospital because of my suicidal thoughts? I am very nervous and I need a pill or something. I'm trying to call my friends but everyone is busy and I don't want my family to panic
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self.SuicideWatch
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I thought I am feeling better, but it just got worse... I am so stressed at the moment.. but no one seems to see it. It‘s like my facade is too good for people to notice anything. But all I want is someone to ask „are you ok?“ but it never happens. All I see is hate and destruction. Today I cried because of the thought that people are having it worse than me in 3rd world countries. I want to do something about it but I don‘t know where to start. Also I am mentally unstable and could never run a „business“ that could help others. And I don‘t want to spend my money on corrupt companies which do nothing for the people and just pocket our well earned money.
I want to save children to give them a better life as I saved me from my abusive family. I want them to feel safe and happy when being saved.
I want them to be out of danger from pedos, hunters, rapists...
But I can‘t... because I don‘t even have the power to save myself...
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self.depression
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The internet is the only reason I’m still alive. Does anyone else experience something like this? I finished Highschool 2 years ago. Since then everything went downhill and the only thing keeping my mind somewhat alive and connected is the internet. I very rarely see old friends from Highschool as they all moved away. I have one friend left I more or less talk to regularly, she’s also diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and bipolar and well she lives in the US (I’m on another continent). Thanks to the internet I can be part of this subreddit and I really love you all. I mainly listen to music, watch some twitch and browse Netflix from time to time. Also I’m able to play the very few games that still are entertaining n distracting me, although I feel like I’m slowly losing interest. I’m writing this post, because I live on the country side away from big cities and in the last few weeks and especially today it’s seems like the connection isn’t good enough anymore to load any sides or play video games that require a connection. I know it probably sounds ridiculous and I just sound like a kid that can’t live without the internet but for me the internet is important. It kind of symbolizes my connection to the world and when it’s cut off I’m falling into a darker hole alone with the thoughts I’m trying to escape. Does anyone else experience something like this?
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self.depression
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Might lose my mother I have depression and terrible anxiety that keeps me from leaving my house but this morning me and my siblings found my mom very confused and unresponsive so we called an ambulance. She was brought to the emergency room and was admitted with Sepsis due to a urinary infection. I've been reading so many posts about sepsis and they just make me more hopeless. My mom is the only thing that calms me down, she's basically my lifeline. I really don't wanna lose this way especially since I cant properly tell her I love her or goodbye since shes so confused and distraught. So far she has a very low blood pressure and her kidneys are close to failing, I have terrible issues with over-exaggerating or assuming the worst and I hope that's what I'm doing. I don't wanna lose my mom this early, I just want a hug.
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self.depression
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Bipolar Mixed Cycling? Been diagnosed for 2 years now but never asked what type. So i asked thet said this. Can i get help with info? I like to absorb info lol its *Bipolar 2 Mixed Cycling*
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self.bipolar
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Struggling with my life, myself It's not like I am depressed, but well I would call it sad/depressing attitude.I am lonely for my entire life and I don't see a good future for myself.I feel tired with my life, I fear that I will have shitty future, lonely, sad, not satisfied.I don't want to wait for what will be in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, just I want to find a peace.What to do?
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self.depression
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I'm tired of being in love with my best friend. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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TFW You don't speak to your crush because you'll mess up.
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self.depression
|
Life is heavy but I'm not breaking Fuck, the saying when it rains it pours, right about now feels like it should be when it rains random blocks of depleted uranium fall out of the sky.
That said though I'm crying and life it's heavy but I'm not breaking, I'm not even really bending. Though I want too, I'm not giving up, apparently I've learned how to stand in the storm and as part of that some times you need to yell FUCK and then forward and keep moving.
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self.offmychest
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It's hard to convince yourself that suicide is not an option when you very well know it is. I spent the day with an imaginary Browning 1911 in my mouth. All I had to do was apply a bit of pressure to the trigger and everything would mercifully end. No more suffering the unrelenting and entirely unnecessary torments that plague just about every waking moment of my existence. I pulled the trigger and thought of my mom. Since it was just imaginary and my brain was still intact, I pulled it again. This time I thought of my dad. I did it again and thought of my sister, and then again and my other sister, and then again and I thought of my girlfriend.
I came to the conclusion that doing this for real would indeed solve all of my problems, which unfortunately are not solvable in this world.
It would however, create a mountain of problems for my loved ones, and leaving them in such pain is something I cannot bear to do. I suppose I’m blessed to have people in my life that love me, but somehow it feels like a curse that condemns me to continue suffering this suffocating trap called life.
I don’t know how many people on this subreddit have killed themselves. For those that have, I’m glad their pain is over. I would say I’m jealous, but there is nothing to be jealous of, because they no longer exist. For those who have not killed themselves, I applaud you for sticking with life despite everything, because you just may be saving someone from insurmountable grief.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Crippling loneliness but talking to people is draining too? So like the title says, I was just wondering if others feel the same way like I do.
What I’m feeling almost constantly is that no matter what I do during the day (I usually spend it at the library/classes, surrounded with people but not interacting with them), as soon as I get a time to be on my own I start to feel this strong feeling of loneliness. And it is a really bad thing to feel. I just wish I had friends to do social things with in real life.
Despite feeling this way, when I talk to friends on social media (usually because there’s something to talk about, I don’t really do social texting but would love to know how), I find it draining too. I find myself avoiding to open the whatever social media I used to chat with them in the first place.
I feel so hopeless in this situation. I feel like I can’t win against this weird combination of feelings. I want to have friends, I want to do things with people, I want to stop feeling the way I do now.
So the question for you, if you’re still reading, is can you relate to how I feel? If so, would you mind sharing your story? and maybe give me some insight to what’s actually happening & ways you would do to overcome it.
Thank you for reading.
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self.Anxiety
|
Having to do a presentation while depressed. How do people even do this? I got a presentation on Wednesday and I'm just wondering how you even approach this? I feel like a truck is approaching me to hit me and I can't do anything to stop it.
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self.depression
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Anxious about social events this weekend, having a panic attack at work now [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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anyone ever get this i was sleeping possibly half asleep and i felt like my whole body was shaking almost like tremorong. i got up and the feeling went away i just felt really freaked out by it . its happened a couple times in the past as well.
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self.Anxiety
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Woke up at 7 but stayed in bed and kept sleeping until 12. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Worried about client (me in Canada, them in the US) Keeps talking about killing herself Not a throwaway account, but I will keep my client anonymous. I live in Canada and I work with clients virtually all over. One such client lives in the Southwestern US. She's an intelligent but high-strung woman who has a good heart and tries to do good in the world.
I know she has a past history of some "abuse" which she has not detailed to me, and has also told me over the past year of knowing her that she has been "assaulted" by her current boyfriend on more than one occasion.
She's been going through tough times with her family and her SO, and over Christmas "jokingly" told me she hated her SO so much she wanted to buy a gun and kill him and then kill herself.
I said c'mon... you're joking? And she said there was a gun shop nearby and she'd driven by and even though of how she'd do it. But then she laughed and I thought... ok... ummm odd.
Today had a call with her, she told me on Saturday she sat outside the same gun shop and that she keeps thinking that it would just be so much better if she either took her own life, or killed her SO and then took her own life. She cried a bit and I said - "Are you serious? if you're serious you NEED TO GET help and I might be obligated somehow just to report this."
(I also make a habit of recording my client calls and clients are aware of this, so this conversation is recorded, on video)
The thing is, what do I do? I've told her to seek help, to speak to someone, I told her to contact a suicide crisis centre and get help. I told her to promise me not to do anything, to harm herself or anyone else.
I don't know if she's seeking attention/creating drama or not.
If I contact the police where she lives and say I know this person made what I think is a threat to another person (her SO) and I'm wrong and she'd never do it, do I risk getting her into a huge amount of trouble?
I don't know anyone who lives near her, I know she feels isolated having moved away from her family... I am unsure the right thing to do and looking for some help.
Sorry if I've said anything here triggering or upsetting to anyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is this so difficult First of all happy new years....
This is actually my first post on reddit and I honestly have no idea how to work this.
But to start of this post, I'm tired of fighting everyday just to get up...
I'm tired of being told to let go of the past and pretty much pretend nothing has happened and that I've forgiven all parties involved...
I'm tired of pretending I'm okay, that I'm happy when I'm really not.....
I'm tired of not being able to take responsibility of my own emotions, which allowed to me to fall into this state of mind......
I'm tired of wanting to die... I just want to be happy, but I can't. I don't know why I can't be happy. I just came out as gay, have a loving family, and I also have a long term boyfriend, but I can't be happy. Every little thing makes me sad and go into a downward spiral of terrible thoughts. It's been like this since my early child hood years.. I'm trying so hard to fight and win, for the sake of not burdening my loving family, but its just so hard. I'm currently imploding and slowly pushing everyone away, just so I could feel at peace doing it. But I want to live.... But living is just so hard. I have so many feelings, but it is just too much. I don't know why I think killing myself is the best option. I just want to be happy.
I want to be thankful towards my family for being so supportive, but right now I just loathe them, since I want to be as distant towards them to escape and be happy.
I'm sorry if the formatting is terrible, but I'm just not feeling well. Also for the second year in the row, I'm backed up in the national suicide chat and I'm too scared to call... I just don't have the strength or courage to do anything right lol
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't accept myself And yet I cannot accept change. I am in purgatory. A slave to my anxiety. A slave to my faults. A slave to myself. I'm stupid in every way. The worst is being socially retarded. I know what I must learn. But it's having to accept that I have failed at such a natural thing as interracting with other people in a meaningful way. I don't want it to be meaningful. I am an island. I can't get better because I can't accept myself. I am a flawed person as everyone else has deemed me. I am cold, distant, selfish, quick to abandon, and above all, weak minded. Very weak minded indeed. I don't deserve however many days I have left of this life. I am a burden to myself and to others. A leech. A leech who does not understand the value of other people. I'm too scared to kill myself, but all I want to do is give up. I guess I already have. I am ashamed of myself. It's too late for me. I ruined my own life and at this point, I don't want to turn it around. Everyone is alien to me. The more I try to actually understand other people, the more maniplative they seem. Everyone is so automatic. So emotional. Nothing matters except the emotion. Fuck the emotion.They know who and what they are. They are grown people. I never grew. I won't let myself grow at this point because I'm too ashamed. Give up. Give up. Give up and give in. No skills. No talents. No will to work. No brains to do it effectively. Only torturous self-awareness. I will never be automatic like other people. I used to be. Now I'm a shell. A shell without a friend in the world, and not a shred of love to share with another being to be able to call them friend. All I have is paranoia. I try to say I have God. But I'm too unholy. I don't deserve to have God either. Not if I'm too lazy to change myself. Too lazy to size myself up. Too lazy to learn any skills. Too lazy to have interests. Too lazy to find another job. Too lazy to volunteer. Too afraid of finding a way to help my community. Too weak. I'm too weak. Too weak to fess up about my lifestye. Too weak to accept the disapproval of others. Too weak.
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self.depression
|
How do I not feel like I annoy my girlfriend whenever I text her? So I and my girlfriend have both been noticing that we don't really text each other that much. Whenever we're together IRL we always cling to each other, hug a lot, all that jazz. It even got to the point where our friend (jokingly) tells us how disgusting it is when we're always glued together. But when we're both at home, we don't communicate. And I think the problem is on my side, since I know she's always texting other people. I've never had a relationship (or a relatively good friendship, for that matter) so I'm not really used to people texting me, or me texting them first. I do think about her a lot. I wonder what she's doing and all that, but for some reason, I just can't send her a text asking how she is or what she's doing. I always think that maybe she's doing something and I'll just annoy her. I tried to force myself into texting her more, but I always started to feel like I'm a nuisance to her.
The same thing also happens whenever I want to write anything in my class's group chat.
What can I do not to feel that way?
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self.Anxiety
|
Depressive mood swing Do not ever let anyone tell you you aren't trying or aren't motivated enough, especially if they know you're in the swing of depression. I don't care if it's your first day or the 86th of being depressed, you find your motivation and energy your own way safely. Don't let someone belittle you in hopes it somehow "triggers" the ability to get up
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self.bipolar
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Is this person lying? When someone categorically denies saying something they have been accused of but later follow this up twice by two 'even if I had said it....' or 'you must consider that if I done it like that's because ...' , would you question it?
Would you begin wondering if they were hiding a guilty conscience as they were defending what they consider to be a hypothetical situation?
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self.offmychest
|
Anxiety through cannabis use I have been smoking for about 6-7 years, dabbing for probably 2-3 of them. Through those 2-3 years, I have dabbed almost everyday. It was everyday until around the last month or so when I didn't dab some days, though I still smoked flower. In the last week or so, I have not dabbed every day and I have been very aware, almost overly aware, of my body processes and I have had chest pain that is made worse with thinking about it, but working out or going on a run doesn't make it any worse. I feel as if my breathing is very shallow when I get high. Today, I was excited to take my first dab of the day around 15 or 20 minutes into the high while I was playing a video game, my brain started thinking about all these non-existant chest pain issues and soon thereafter I felt a brief sense of pain in what it felt like my diaphragm, like I was being told not to forget to breathe or something. This feeling triggered a large sense of worry that sent me spiraling into panic mode. I felt my heart rate increase greatly and I started feeling all types of things all across my body, things triggered by my mind. It seemed as if it was making it worse staring at the screen in front of me, and I had to stop playing, it felt like I was about to die or something, lol. I took a shower, did laundry, read a book, meditated, and nothing could seem to surpress the anxiety I was feeling or the racing thoughts. I took a nap to try and surpress the feeling and it has worked for the most part, as I am not high from that dab anymore 8 hours later, but I still feel somewhat anxious and on edge. I wasn't panicing like I was originally while I was trying to keep myself busy, but I was still in a state of worry. What I dabbed was solventless Jedi Kush Live Rosin, I got under six hours of sleep the night before, and I had only ate a salad and an apple, albeit it was 3pm. I have only had panic attacks like this due to dabbing once or twice before. The fear of having a panic attack / the feeling of associating a panic attack with dabbing is beginning to set in I believe. Why does dabbing cause this sense of anxiety? Does anyone else experience this as well? What can I do to prevent this? Why am I experiencing anxiety after dabbing when I haven't for so long in the past? I don't really want to stop dabbing or smoking but if my body rejects it as it has been, I don't see any other choice. PS, i usually never get anxiety from smoking flower. This is terrible to feel pain through doing something which normally brings me joy or a heightened sense of well-being. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I appreciate any response or input that anyone may have. Have a wonderful day and good vibes!!! Hopefully you guys don't experience what I did today.
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self.Anxiety
|
Is my depression coming back? I don't know if I'm just stressed out or if my medication is failing me. Is there a way to tell the difference? I'm so terrified that this is depression again. I've tasted happiness and don't want to sink down again
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self.depression
|
Is this normal? Thinking of how I should die and a different death note everyday (ranting about my life also) I'm 14 and I just went into high school. I'm not that good in looks pretty fat tbh and people are already spreading false rumours about me. I went to a new high school with none of my prev friends so I only had like 6 I am socially awkward too so it's even harder and I have a lot of anxiety. ( they weren't even really friends cuz I didn't have there social media or anything we just like talked because we had no one else to talk to and all) and people are already spreading false rumours about me. so school isn't really that great. My teachers hate me (Atleast 3/4 of them) and my mom just made everything worse putting a note in my AGENDA (highschool and you still use your agenda??) saying please sign his agenda everyday and make sure he puts his work and stuff on it. So I get bullied for that too (looks, grades too and for using my agenda like a pre-schooler) So that's my life at school and already feel suicidal about them then my mom makes it like 40 times worse but I don't want it to get too long but she puts me to the edge of suicide like saying I'm a nuisance not needed a waste of space and money and all. And so when I go to sleep I'm always super depressed and suicidal so I just think of ways of suiciding like a noose or like shooting myself when my mom gets home from work (sadly I don't have a rope or a gun though) and I think of a death note like. Finally that nuisance is out of your life or, looks like a different jackass died (because my bro has cancer and she calls everyone a jackass) and like I finally did something you wanted for once! Me gone. Thinking about this gives me happiness ans joy idk why. Overall I just want to know if the last part is normal ( I just wanted to get this off my chest)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Here because i'm not sure where else to go I've been around this subreddit for a while now, as I was looking for something with relatable memes after I discovered I had bipolar an not just depression and anxiety. This community seems pretty supportive and all of my other options for advice or comfort are closed off, now.
So, I've been in a depression since February or March of 2017. The entire year has sort of been disaster after disaster. I kept it together during the school year, but when summer came I just sort of unraveled very quickly. As summer drew to a close and school came again, there was much tension between my friends and I. Without going into detail, I have made many mistakes in the last year and have basically fucked up most of my relationships. When I am depressed, I get extremely paranoid of people talking behind my back or my friends not liking me and it's so hard to tell what is actually a warning sign and what is my paranoia. This entire year period has also been pocked with very strong mania at the worst times, the yo-yoing is driving me insane. Everything has changed in my life and I have no one to share it with. I feel so lonely, and so, *so*, tired. Nothing has helped in the past year and I don't know what to do? Any advice is appreciated.
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self.bipolar
|
I keep falling into the suicidal pit and I think I'm going to end up dead soon. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Triggered by incarceration scenes Years ago I was held in a psych hospital for being manic/psychotic, and to this day images or cinematic scenes of people being incarcerated trigger me. Shows like Orange is the New Black, etc. I was also terrified for years that my ex spouse would have me locked up.
Does anyone else experience these triggers?
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self.bipolar
|
I think I've been misdiagnosed I admit I have obscure thoughts , I admit I have bizaar seemingly unapproachable claims.
I'm diagnosed with bipolar , but I just genuinely don't fit the description. Even when it appears I do have something odd about my behavior.
For example I don't have the depressed aspect , the paranoia is never I'm being attacked by ghost illuminati spirits , it's always realistic in nature. Or as realistic as it could be.
Or it's disoriented behavior rather then inherent delusion.
It's never beleive the truth I'm god , it's always I can solve problems with unproven claims.
It's never considered true. It's always considered potentially true. That distinction means something.
I think I know what my issue is, it's just that it doesn't make sense for some person to know this explanaition without testing it more closely at least according to what is known, minus what has yet to be discovered.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm not bipolar , rather i'm suffering from a genetic chimeric brain issue. I just don't know how supposed to get help with something like that.
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self.bipolar
|
I think i got Minor - Mild Anxiety Hey everyone, so im a 2nd semester freshman in engineering and i had my first panic attack this morning, literally it was probably the worst 2 hours of my life, muscle tightness in my left arm, clammy, and had the biggest feeling of dread and doom fall upon me. Went to the doc on campus and honestly she saved my day and taught me some breathing which really helped, she said my heart and cholesterol was excellent and my lungs and breathing were completely normal so im pretty much convinced that this incident was some sort of anxiety related panic attack. Other details well i drink alot of coffee and caffeine in general and i usually pull all nighters so my sleep is completely fucked. Any tips for dealing with it and how to avoid making this any worse.
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self.Anxiety
|
I just called the ambulance on a drunk driver I was driving down a dark rural highway between cities and when I rounded a corner to see a flipped over car in the ditch. There were skid marks and splattered mud and broken safety glass everywhere. The man driving was sprawled out of his seat through the open door onto the ground. His face was really red.
I pulled over and called emergency services and gave them my location. The responder was asking me a lot of questions but the man started moaning and coming to consciousness and I got scared. I heard him move around aluminum cans in his car and saw him stumble around. The ambulance got to us in less than 10 minutes despite being in a fairly rural area. The paramedics let me go and as I drove off I heard the man yelling some primal howl.
I know it is fucked up, but in a sense I am glad that guy only wrecked his own car, and that he did not crash into someone's child or parent. It seems like anytime a drunk driver plows into some innocent, they are the ones who walk away unscathed. Please think before you get behind the wheel.
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self.offmychest
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Trying to beat depression is like learning how to walk again [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Interview anxiety, considering cancelling I applied for this internship for the next summer and I got an email that I was selected to advance to the next round which is interviews. I signed up for a slot but felt a lot of anxiety after as I thought about whether I want the job or not, do i even want to do this, I don’t know what I’m doing, etc. I calmed myself down when I told myself going to the interview doesn’t mean committing to the job but then I became anxious about making s fool of myself during the interview as this will be my first professional job interview.
I’m holding on for now but getting very close to just canceling it altogether since I’m not sure how much I want the job I also think getting the practice and facing my fears would be good for me
Thank you for reading friends I hope everyone has a great day! Thanks for always being a space for me to talk about myself
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self.Anxiety
|
I think my meds (Anafranil) are starting to kick in... Is this roller coaster normal ? I used to be exausthed and feel nothing, wanted nothing., liked nothing. Just going through life.
Now, i'm still exausthed but it's like a roller coaster in my head. I'm totally in a good mood today but I spent 3 days in my bed last week-end, wanting to cry.
Is this normal ?
I'm on 100mg Anafranil
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self.depression
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Waiting over two hours for Lifetime Char and Rainn Swlete
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is it normal if my anxiety attacks produce symptoms that are similar to having a stroke? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Death anxiety and date predicting date of death Hi I am a 17 year old with adhd and autism and I have a fear of death since my dad died when I was fourteen. I think I have a anxiety because my mind will pick a date and convince me that I will die on that date. Right now it is the 31st of December and I am very convinced that I will die on that date but I don’t want to die because I don’t want my family to suffer and that. I have tried therapy but it was a one off visit and it kinda helped but then my anxiety comes back stronger and I don’t know what to do
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone have any advice on coping with high-stress jobs? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I think I manage to handle the worst of my depression, but I am struggling again I am a 23 year old male strugling with depression since 11 years old. I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 15, my main problem was insomnia and lack of energy.
I could not sleep and that led on to alot of bad things, ultimatly in myself droping out of high school. I really believe I am already past the worst part of my battle. I went trought alot of shit in this decade. A couple Failed relationships, suicide atempt, and an obcession with a girl I met in middle school that last until today. After almost 4 years in college I decided to drop out, could not take it.
I got really close to that girl I am obcessed with again and we had a short time being happy together but then the nature of my feelings killed everything and she cut me out of her life. That was in january. It definetly broke me apart. January-june was probably the most intense depression I ever had. While I wanted to die every second I personaly can deal really well with suicide toughts now and am not even scared of the possibility I will do it ( I have 2 sisters, one is 4 year old and the other is 2, at some point I realized it was impossible to commit suicide because i rather live a disgusting horrible life than making my sisters deal with this for the rest of their lifes).
I am happy i got this under my control. June was a breaking point, I decided to go to a mental health sanitorium. It was not even a decision, but the only way out. Was either that or dying, and I dont even know why but I think I want to live. That made so good for me, I was there from june to august, for 50 days, met alot of people, talked about alot of thinks, realized ALOT of things about my life ... They discharged me with a really positive letter, saying I took care of my treatment and went even further in helping other people too and making there a better place. I got really happy with this, I just did my best and tried to be myself.
Now I am out in the real world again, My mother said she got my back for a year or two tops so I dont need to worry about working right now. I decided to take 1 year to get better for good. I was trying to write a novel since december 2016 but being completly depressed I wrote only 40 pages in 6 months, but after August I decided this would be my main goal. I want to write about my experiences, that is what I ultimatly decided, and it is going pretty well. I took some creative writing classes and one teacher invited me to a weekly workshop that writers from my city gather and exchange ideas, read what other people write, etc.
My routine is basicaly reading ( I made a reading list ), writing, jogging, playing tennis and therapy. And I am enjoying it, it was something I made for myself. But the last 2 weeks I have been in my first deep chrisis since im back in the real world. And it scared the shit out of me. I isolated myself in my shell. Couldnt talk to my familly, ignored my friends and everything in my routine and just stayed home in bed doing literally nothing. The trigger was a really stupid thing. 28 october is that girl birthday.
We didnt talk since january, I told myself I just wanted to say happy birthday over message, said im sorry I fucked up but it was for the best for both of us and told her to be happy. She answered in a similar positive way, told me I was "amazing" and to be happy too. For some reason that killed me. That killed 2 weeks entirely and I really dont want to make this chrisis longer. Since I dont go to therapy for 15 days ( and I have therapy 3 times a week ) I think I just had to talk this to someone. Thanks for reading ! I feel a BIT better than I was in the last 2 weeks and could even write in the last couple days, but it is hard... will it ever stop being this hard? I hope I can get back on track
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else get clothing anxiety? If I'm not anxious about something in particular, I always default to being anxious about my body, specially my clothes and how I look in them.
I know this sounds kind of ridiculous and mundane, but it's a huge part of my anxiety. I'm a little overweight, so I avoid wearing anything tight. I basically wear leggings every day, I bought a pair of jeans a few months ago but I haven't put them on. I actually have a fair amount/variety of shirts along the lines of sweaters, flannels, fancy t-shirts, etc, but they all cause me anxiety.
I hate the feeling of things around my stomach. Any sort of waistband is a nightmare for me- which is bad because literally all pants have waistbands. If my shirt is "off" in any way, I feel as though I have to adjust it. This just deteriorates into me adjusting my clothes all day and the anxiety just building and building. I end up in the bathroom hyperventilating most days because i end up feeling horrible about my body in general because none of the clothes fit "right" (even though, objectively, I know they look fine) on my body.
When I get home, I can't relax until I shower. The last time I tried to wait to take a shower until the next morning (due to timing issues) I flipped out and ended up showering at 3 am so I could fall asleep okay. After I shower I put on house clothes like sweatpants or baggy t-shirts, and even though they're so loose and comfy I can't feel comfortable in them. I feel so uncomfortable wearing any sort of normal clothing at my house that even if logistically I know that I should wait to take a shower because I'll have to go back out again later, I eventually cave and shower and put on sweats.
Putting on clothing in the morning is a nightmare. About once a week I have a major flip out trying to find clothing that fits "right". It has to be the perfect fabric, lay right, look okay, etc, etc. I'll go through as many as 10 outfits before I find one that's moderately acceptable. If this happens then my entire day is automatically ten times worse, as I'm even more uncomfortable all day.
I've gotten a little better this year. Two years ago, I would only wear sweatshirts and t-shirts. Nothing else. Then, I got a job in clothing retail and I got a lot of more adventurous clothing, mostly because I needed to wear nicer things for my job. The problem with working retail is that there's mirrors everywhere, and I just get more self conscious every time I walk past one. I also tend to obsess over sizes, especially if I see somebody similar to my body type wearing a size smaller than me.
It's honestly getting to the point where I don't want to leave my house a lot of the time because either I already showered, and if I go back out I would have to shower again, or because I don't want to wear regular clothing. I've canceled plans with friends because I haven't been able to find the right things to wear.
Does anyone else experience anything similar? I'm at a loss as to what else to do (quitting my job isn't an option). Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
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If I want out I'll have to kill my whole family first. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm still in love with my ex and it fucking blows My ex is the only girl I've ever actually loved. I think about her all the time, and it doesn't help that I'm depressed as shit. I constantly think about how she doesn't want me, how I'm not good enough for her, how her new guy is... And I do want to see her happy. So if she's in love with him now, then fine. But it doesn't mean that every time I think about her it doesn't make me feel like I wanna claw at my skin or scream because I'm just miserable that I couldn't be what she wanted. Maybe I'm just crazy but. Probably doesn't help I'm depressed as shit.
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self.offmychest
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I still miss you and I don't know why [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Why am I so sensitive? So I have anxiety, mainly sever social anxiety and I just can't be bothered to keep trying anymore because of how emotionally sensitive I am. How am I supposed to overcome social anxiety disorder if I am this emotionally sensitive? I am mainly sensitive to the feeling of rejection but I feel rejected even when I haven't been.
Here's a few examples, so the other week I needed desperate help so I decided to ring a helpline for mental health and I was crying so he didn't really hear what I said and he said, "Sorry?" I started crying even more uncontrollably and I hung up on him because I felt so overwhelmed and annoyed because the tone of his voice made me feel like he didn't care, all he said was one word. And today I was browsing online and I noticed someone posted something I could relate to and I decided to message them so I could relate with them and talk to them about it but it didn't go as well as plan since we didn't seem to be on the same page with understanding each other and I ended up closing down the app and avoiding talking to them and I burst out crying because I felt so stupid and rejected by them even though they hadn't really said anything to purposely make me feel this way.
I can't keep a job, I can barely talk to people without feeling overwhelmed in some way. I feel like I'll never get anywhere in life because I'm so sensitive and I just wish I could give up. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?
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self.Anxiety
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I want to die, but why do I keep on....? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Just want to express my thanks I honestly don’t know where I’d be without this sub. I had been lurking here earlier this year, freshly diagnosed, when I decided to make an account (I had never really been on Reddit before). Relating to all of you and gaining wisdom and hope has done so much for me, whether or not I realize it right away. There are certain things I just can’t talk about with family or friends or even my therapist at times, but you guys are always there. It’s like having an international support group in my pocket, whether it’s 3PM or 3AM. Thank you for reading my essay-length comments and occasional posts (I’ve been mostly hypo/manic since September or October, so I’ve been rambling lately probably).
I really hope that whoever is reading this has some good, healthy times ahead, and just know that I’m here for you, because all of you are always here for me! We may have a severe lifelong illness, but at least we have each other (nobody cry)... so, thanks!!! Have a good day!!
Also this isn’t some sort of cryptic farewell I’m truly just grateful and full of empathy right now
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self.bipolar
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Spent two hours typing up my 3,000 word depression struggle and just deleted it because what's the point. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My anxiety is giving me anxiety / citalopram 20mg - success stories? Hey guys!
So, it probably took me an hour to write this up. Here goes: I went to see a psychiatrist today after years of spiraling downwards. (I should have made an appointment the first time I sobbed and walked for hours instead of sleeping.) I don't have a diagnosis yet. Anxienty, yes, but also possibly ADHD and/or depression. I got a prescription for Citalopram and I am really anxious to take them. My doctor advised me to start slow. I am to take half a pill in the evening for two weeks, then one half in the morning, the other at night until week 5, when I should start taking a whole one in the morning.
I was glad I finally worked up the courage to see a doctor and get meds to help with therapy until a few hours ago when I started reading into side effects. I also read a few success stories, but the horror stories outweigh the good ones by far.
I know I should just get it over with, start taking them and that I can switch if they don't work for me, but the movie playing in my head tells a whole different story. Zombie mode, binge eating, extreme dizzyness, loss of control, loss of motivation. Please, fellow struggeling humans, tell me some of your success stories. I would appreciate it so much! <3
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self.Anxiety
|
Zoloft breakthrough panic attacks I’ve been Takin Zoloft 100mg for just over a month now. At first it was great and I felt more energetic and a little calmer. But now I still get anxiety just as bad as before I was on them and feel even sicker in the stomach than usual. Additionally, I have trouble sleeping and my sex life has gone down the drain. I am currently coming down from a huge panic attack and I was wondering if anyone else has had this type of experience with Zoloft? I don’t know if I should discontinue or just keep going and hope it eventually helps.
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self.Anxiety
|
Experiences with Wellbutrin (Bupropion) thread Hey.
Throwaway because too many people know me on reddit.
3rd day of 300mg Wellbutrin (was on 150mg for a month prior) and I felt a whole cascade of emotions for the first time in YEARS, while at a christmas lunch. I also cried for the first time in at least two years.
It was like being born again. For such a long time i've been a shell incapable of feeling or taking in anything. Imagine having to go through all the negative emotions in the world *for the first time* ALL OVER AGAIN. It has started to fill the massive void inside me.
I'm overwhelmed but I finally feel **alive**, for the first time in so many years.
If anyone here has been on or is currently medicated with Wellbutrin, please share your experiences in this thread.
Merry Christmas
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self.depression
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17 years old, 16 years with a drug addict mother [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Everyone who’s reading this, be careful what you say and how you articulate our words. May have rippled consequences. Anyone who is in a sensitive condition, people are in the same boat, been there myself and come out other side and I’m only 16. Reply if you need my company I’m always here :)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Lamotrigine I took my second pill ever of lamictal around 6pm tonight,
I've been extremely agitated and itchy on a few parts of my body and my brain feels kind of like mush. Are these side effects normal so early on?
I'm already debating on stopping.
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self.bipolar
|
Anxiety, Depression, & Insecurities My college friends are graduating. Some of my friends got a perfect job. All of my closest friends have partners. I get jealous when I see someone more good-looking than me. And here I am sitting like a duck.
I live with these insecurities everyday. It's taking a toll to my health as I have difficulty of falling asleep and can't breathe properly. I hate every person that I see and it now affects my relationship with my parents. I'm losing my confidence. I can't think straight I feel light headed most of the time.
I see no evidence of pushing forward with my life. I wish I wasn't born at all.
Suicide is such a selfish act, but the bravest thing to do. I friend of mine did this months ago. I will not lose to this battle yet, hopefully.
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self.Anxiety
|
My family abandoned me on Christmas Eve I battle depression and anxiety..and over the past few weeks I’ve been very down. My mother is a narcissist & I stopped speaking to her this past Feb. I have 2 young sons so I was expecting some bs to occur, and I thought I would be prepared for it...but somehow it still caught me off guard. She involved my 20yo old sister (whom I just started speaking back to a few months ago) and my aunt (whom I thought I could trust) so now I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to take a step back from them now. I have my own immediate family (a fiancée and children) but as far as parents, aunts/uncles and cousins, I am basically alone. This is the first Christmas that I’ve had being on a “no contact” basis with my other family members and it’s kind of bumming me out. Especially since I found out my mother went up to my hometown where my aunt lives just to put some gifts she bought into a box my aunt was already sending down here.. I thought I had grown, but it got to me that she is acting like I don’t exist. So idk.. I guess I just needed to get that out.. I hope you guys aren’t too down. If you are and you’re feeling alone or you don’t have anyone to talk to, please feel free to message me.. I’m feeling petty down and alone and could use someone to talk to too...
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self.depression
|
Everything is so hard. Rejection, self hatred, crippling depression and anxiety. This is going to be an incoherent ramble. I've had depression for years, almost as long as I can remember. Recently, the only girl I've ever truly been attracted to was in a relationship with me for two weeks and then dumped me. She was also my best friend. The only other person I would consider being in a relationship with is her best friend, and I doubt that she would reciprocate my feelings. I just hate myself so much. I hate every fiber of my own being. Mentally, physically, everything. I'm nobody's first choice. The only time I ever spend time with anybody is if I initiate it, and with my insecurity and social anxiety this forces me to believe that they dislike me. The only thing I used to look forward to was lying on my bed looking at my phone. Even that's too hard now. The only thing I even remotely enjoy anymore is physical contact, and I have nobody to get it from. Sometimes I legitimately feel like my life is a detriment to the world in every way. I have been self harming more and more. The other people I know who have self harmed did it because they felt numb and wanted to feel something. I used to be like that. Now all I want is numbness. An escape from the hell that is every moment of my existence. I used to think I wouldn't survive until my next birthday. Now I'm not sure if I can survive until 2018. Soon I won't know if I'll survive the next week. The next day. The next hour. Yesterday I wrote a suicide note. I just don't know what to do. I can't go on like this for much longer.
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self.offmychest
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How do you know you're in love? People always say "you just know" but what does that mean. I'm just the type of person that's never sure of anything. I'm in college and he's back home. It's been an on and off thing for 4 years. I believe I am in love but I also think I could be in love with the person I think he is or I made up in my head. Or maybe I'm in love with the idea of love or being in love? Idk. He's also the only guy I've been with and have had feelings for. I can't wrap my head around this lol. Can someone explain what being in love feels like.
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self.offmychest
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Is it just me or do other people do this? If I feel stressed about something, I reassure myself, multiple times even? I say "I'm okay"
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self.Anxiety
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Coping ahead: Holiday Edition, what skills do you have in your toolbox to manage the holidays? Cross posted similar thread to /r/bipolaratwork
So the holidays are coming up, how are you coping ahead? Are you delegating work, decreasing responsibility, increasing support, doing extra activities, gently avoiding, and so on? What works best for you to help you manage or even enjoy the holidays? What new skills or support systems are you trying out?
Basically what healthy coping skills are you going to use for Holidays 2107?
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self.bipolar
|
Surges of intense anxiety I struggle with anxiety- I keep getting these intense surges of anxiety. I am so restless I cannot chill out at all. My anxiety gets a bad at night but tonight it is terrible. My body feels so weird. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel weird. Everything is too bright. My anxiety is just SO bad. Any suggestions??
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self.Anxiety
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The only reason why I stopped cutting is because I swim too much [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
When your mind feels like static Anyone ever felt so dull inside that your mind just feels like it is static? Like, I can’t think of anything at all, no interest in anything other than sitting doing nothing with a hopelessness type feeling.
I have the house to myself for the next couple of weeks, and I’m actually scared of what might happen. Sometimes my mind is dull, somewhat dormant. Other times it just races with feelings of despair, and worries about nothing.
Anyone else feel like this?
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self.depression
|
i need help with my sleep medication i use to take seroquel 100mg-200mg.. but i have a new doctor and change it my mood stabilizer to lamotrigine.
I'm having problems with the sleeping medications he gave me, its not working:
- trazodone 50-100mg i started vomiting
- doxepin 10-20mg it doesnt work low dosage
- hydroxyzine pamoate 50-100mg currently on not working.
been in this office 3x time and problem is im on a cruise for 5 days and i think im having fever because of the cold weather.
i would kindly appreciate it.. im just so frustrated i want to cry.
PS: I explained so many times that i need a higher dosage! i have chronic insomnia since childhood. I need something highly sedating like seroquel.
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self.bipolar
|
I hate everything I know its a stupid title but let me give you a little background.
I'm a college student. Electrical engineering major, ROTC (don't want to give away which service) and everything in my life is falling apart. I hate everything I do. My girlfriend hates that I don't talk to her even though I can't even keep up with school work. I try my best at everything but I leave myself drunk at four fifty AM hating everything I do.
This week was supposed to be a fun, fall break. My family traveled a long way to see me, but I was distracted with all my shortcomings. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have so many opportunities but I waste them feeling sorry for my self.
The worst part is I know I'm a fuck-up. My mom has bi-polar disorder but I'm afraid to get checked because I might end up just like her. She spent a year homeless on South mission beach and now she's living as an alcoholic off her parents.
I'm out of people to talk to, so I decided to try Reddit, because I don't have anywhere else to go. Please help me.
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self.depression
|
This week may be the last chance I have [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why me, why us? Everyone always says suicides a permanent solution for a temporary problem, but that's the thing isn't it it's not always temporary . I don't want pity I never have I just want to feel, be, get better etc.
I've wanted to die since the age of... well for as long as I remember. I've never had the balls I remember my first thought of suicide I grabbed my moms pistol from her drawer when she was out and put the barrel against my temple I tried to squeeze the trigger but my hands were to clammy to keep hold of the gun. That might have been the one time I could have done it, but now it's too fucking late I've become even more of a coward. So I subconsciously and very strategically eviscerated any chance of happiness I can't even talk to my fucking family without knowing how much it physically makes them sick to be around me. They always had high aspirations that I'd figure my shit out and be successful. Now I'm a highschool fuck up, in so much misery all I can feel is the will to die but I can't so I experiment with different drugs, alcohol, cutting, etc to drown out everything at first it works then the effects cease to be helpful you need more more more until it's so expensive it's pointless. I digress I'm sorry to rant I just have no one to talk to I know this reads like drug fueled nonsense but that's the only
Time I can talk about shit I'll probably end up deleting this have a nice life if not
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what else to do I have become an expert at hiding my emotions and my stress from everyone. As far as I know, no one around me knows the extreme stress and anxiety I feel from every social interaction or that I have considered suicide. I find it easier to burry myself in my work, where I don't have to think about anything else. Around other people day to day, I manage act hold myself together, but when I get back to my room, I often just lose it.
My primary stresser is just not knowing what other people thing of me. Every single social interaction becomes something for me stress about, just thinking about whether or not I did something wrong, or when I know I screwed up and not being able to let go.
I started undergrad just this semester, and its been difficult finding a way to fit in. After four years of high school, I had just found a group friends that I felt comfortable being myself around. Now in college I feel completely isolated. I constantly see and hear about people around me hanging out, and its always just easier to be alone than navigate social interactions even though I enjoy some people. I actually have people that call me their friend, but for some reason I still feel isolated. I've done some research I can relate completely to the definition of Avoidant Personality Disorder. For exmaple, the other day I hung out with some people after class for a couple hours. I had a good time, but I was left just completely stressed and overwhelmed. Despite being welcomed, I feel like an outcast. I can't help but stress about every little mistake. I got back to my dorm and just lost it.
For awhile, I've been having thoughts usually along the lines of, I don't want to do this thing, wouldn't it be easier to just kill myself. I didn't think that I was ever seriously considering ending my life, but this changed the other day. The built up stress, felt just too much to handle, and I could actually see myself doing it. I'm scared because I really don't want to do it, but if the stress becomes too much, it might happen just out of the rush of the moment. Now I have managed once again to burry these feels of stress under work and distrations and not sharing, and the next time my stress becomes to much, I don't know what will happen.
The reason I'm here is because I have an overwhelming desire to talk to someone and just explain everything I'm thinking about, but the idea of sharing this information directly causes more stress. I worry will I overwhelm the person, will I inconvience them, will they stopping wanting to talk to me. I can't stop in my head just playing out whole conversations because I seem to believe that if I actually did talk to someone this would make it easier, but I always end up having this conversation with myself instead of an actually person.
I also just want to tell someone all the crazy stuff that has happened to me that I have never told anyone and is eating me up inside. Like the time that my mom tried to kill herself by overdosing and saving her my talking her to the hospital or the time I wished I hadn't saved her. I also have past social interactions that have happened years ago that still eat me up and cause anxiety: The girl that I awkwardly messaged before coming to school and now I see every day or all the awkward interactions I had the one time I tried to go out with a girl.
I'm here because I just don't know what to do. All I really want is to be happy and right now all I feel is alone and depressed.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Week 3 of Zoloft - feel great affects on mood but not anxiety - please help! My anxiety gotten even worse from taking zoloft although I definitely can feel the positive affects in mood. I want to stop - everyone says stick it out but it seems that its affecting me but not working for anxiety. Please help thank you!!!
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self.Anxiety
|
What took so long? We've known each other for 4 years. It took 2 years for me to even consider the thought of getting to know you better, and that was mostly because I knew everyone else in the group better. It took another few months to even consider you as anything more. However, I never thought you had felt anything towards me. There were no signs, even though I didn't make much of an effort to explore any options.
Fast forward a year. I realized I saw potential, but still didn't get any reciprocal signs. Didn't matter. I liked you, and couldn't sit and say nothing. After planning how to bring this up and what to say, the framework of my speech crumbled to a simple "wanna go on a date?" One of the most terrifying questions to utter to another human. Despite my poor execution, you agreed!
I'm surprised you are happy and enjoying yourself in spite of this! I'm so glad you're in a similar place. I can't remember experiencing a friendship with anyone where talking was so easy. I often have trouble opening up in front of people, but not so far. Conversations feel endless, and they're SO FUN!!
I'm just excited to be around you more and have fun with you. Come back from your trip please!! It took a long time to get here, but I think each preliminary step was crucial.
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self.offmychest
|
Hate being my nationality so much. Been depressed about it for the past 5 years. Things getting worse by the day, please help. I’m Pakistani, born and raised in the U.S. and I despise my nationality so much. I’ve been laughed at and made fun of in school by whites (Irish, Greeks, etc.) and some blacks for being Pakistani. I sometimes get jealous of people with nationalities like Swedish, Portuguese, Italian, etc. who have beautiful countries that people all around he world visit and have some of the greatest innovators, scientists, athletes (Da Vinci, Marconi, Pirlo, Buffon, etc.
Pakistan meanwhile was ranked as having the third worst reputation in the world. In America kids want to be black and idolize blacks in the NBA and NFL and there’s not one Pakistani in either. On the other side some blacks want to be white but who the hell wants to be Pakistani? Pakistan barely gets any foreign tourists on the global scale and practically none from America. At best a Pakistani can be a doctor or lawyer but what’s the point when blacks and whites like Lebron, Robert Downey Jr., Steph Curry, etc make more in a year than I will in a lifetime?
This depression has been affecting me for over 5 years now and often times I just end up doing nothing for days and go on my phone listening to music & living vicariously through celebrities. Is there any way to truly improve and stop feeling so inferior with these facts behind it to great other nationalities that have so many reasons to be proud of every day?
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self.offmychest
|
How do I approach counseling? After weeks of hesitation, I took a leap of faith and scheduled an appointment with my university's counseling service.
I would describe my suicidal tendencies as "passive suicidal ideation," meaning I constantly think about suicide and constantly wish I was dead, but I can't bring myself to go through with it because I'm too much of a coward.
How do I talk about this without being put on a list or committed or something?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
To everyone who tried Latuda and felt energetic or manic initially, what happened in the end? I've been on 40mg for a week right now, and it has been an energetic and almost hypomanic (but not quite) week. Not overly talkative, but talkative. Able to do my errands, work, etc. Life just feels good, almost too good to be true considering it's not full blown hypo. I have focus, and am able to control my thoughts, and most of my reactions...although there have been 1 or 2 irritable hyper outbursts. But not too bad.
I read through the search history on this, and it seems Latuda does have an activating affect in some people. What became of you guys? Did you guys go full blown manic, or just level out hopefully?
My previous experiences with Latuda were:
-took 40mg previously for 1 week and stopped, because I thought it could make me hypomanic.
-started on 80mg before, took it for 3 days and quit, as it made the following day sedating, lethargic and miserable.
|
self.bipolar
|
Gamer Rage I have been playing video games my entire life. All different types of games. My younger years were spent playing single player games or MMO's because the multiplayer gaming scene hadn't grown very much. I have had a tendency to get angry at single player video games. In the last 5 years I got into video games such as League of Legends, Overwatch, and other online competitive games. I can not control my rage over these games. I have broken like 11 monitors, countless keyboards and mouse. I scream, yell, punch the desk, walls, anything if I lose. If I lose a match because my teammates but I performed neutral IE not dying or detracting from the team, then I don't get angry because I know the loss wasn't my fault. This will eventually make me angry though if I have to deal with bad teams like 3 losses in a row or something unreasonable because I feel like I shouldnt have to deal with that. If i'm in a game though and I perform badly I absolutely rage beyond belief. This is so bad because the fact that I rage so much makes me even more frustrated. I dont even want to live sometimes because of the fact that I rage. I also do not want to live because I have to deal with losing which absolutely crushes my self esteem into bits. Losing a game to me is like being abused. Now before people scream "oh you don't know what abuse is!!" I am fully aware that people have it far worse than me but that is my STUPID interpretation of the situation. Its like being bullied and humiliated so my self defense mode kicks in and I want to absolutely throttle someone.
I am fully aware that that mentality is very stupid, but I am so fully rooted subconciously that losing is an embarrassing, abusive, horrible thing that I can not resist the urge to get angry. I know alot of people will tell me to change the way I view losing but I cant because honestly, I feel all of the previously described things when I lose and feeling these feelings keep convincing me that it is true. I dont go into games and feel like im being mean or abusive to another person for winning and making them lose, I never even brag about winning. I soley use it to boost my own self.
Another problem I have is I always have to be the best. I get sour if my teammates do better than me. I dont want my teammates to be completely horrible, but if a teammate does better than me I get really mad. I dont say anything to them, but I rage at myself for not being better than them. The thought of being second place to a teammate makes me furious and humiliated. I also turn things that are not supposed to be competitions into competitions. Take for instance World of Warcraft. I heal, I top the charts most of the time and I let that boost my ego and make me feel happy, but its not supposed to be a competition. If I get beat on the charts though, I get salty and angry at myself. It makes me feel horrible about myself and hate to be alive.
I know alot of people like to say that mistakes and losses arent bad and that I should view losing as a learning experience to go back and see where I did something wrong and could improve, but I just dont operate that way. My first major experience as an adult was a job I had for a little less than a decade that was very high stress and lives were on the line. People would treat eachother like total trash over making the smallest, inconsequential mistakes. It was the true definition of abusive. The treatment I received has pretty much destroyed any chance of me learning from a mistake. I got certified in the job and became a trainer myself and refused to treat people like that or continue that cycle. I had to step in several times after I got certified and yell at other people to stop treating some of these people in training so poorly. Certified people even faced the same scrutiny and treatment that people in training did.
I learn best from studying, watching other people, and trying to apply these techniques to the situation for myself to try and progress and improve as quickly as possible. Once I am in a situation, I learn from figuring out what is working best and trying to continue to apply it or make small tweaks. If I attempt do something I am not doing it to mess around or not take it seriously. I put my whole effort into everything I do. This is relative to the topic because this is how I operate when playing video games as well.
Some days I am less likely to rage but then some days I will explode over the smallest inconvenience.There seems to be no pattern to this that I can manipulate so that I can lower the chances of raging. I dont know if these are because of medical issues I have that affect quality of sleep and stuff that are having an affect on this or not. I dont do anything different days where I dont get as angry as opposed to days where I explode. I just cant find a correlation that seperates the two to try and capitalize on it.
I have thought to myself some days that I should just quit playing these video games, but that would be "running", "cowardice", or "proof that I really am bad and cant perform well". I am totally convinced by these feelings that this is true.
This is also a problem because it will pour into real life. If I dont have the best grade in class in college, I will rage and hate myself for it. If I am not the best performer in my job I will despise myself and not even want to live, or question why I am even trying to do what im doing. This kind of raging does not occur outside of my own house. I wont rage in a workplace or throw a fit because I know people are watching me.
Some days I am less likely to rage but then some days I will explode over the smallest inconvenience.There seems to be no pattern to this that I can manipulate so that I can lower the chances of raging. I dont know if these are because of medical issues I have that affect quality of sleep and stuff that are having an affect on this or not. I dont do anything different days where I dont get as angry as opposed to days where I explode. I just cant find a correlation that seperates the two to try and capitalize on it.
I am honestly at wits end trying to analyze the situation and correct this. I am so convinced that losing and not being the best at things I am trying to do completely invalidates any worth I have and that I shouldnt live if I am not number one. I know I need to change that mentality but I can not convince myself to do it because that means accepting a loss or accepting I cant always be the best.
I guess really im looking for anyone who has some kind of advice that can counter my subconcious thinking here because it drives the way I act and behave conciously so I am unable to effect any kind of change.
I am honestly becoming quite fatigued with cycle of things.
Be brutally honest about what you guys think about or could help the situation. Put anything I said on blast.
|
self.depression
|
Final project Anxiety I just wanted to get my thoughts written down to try and calm myself.
I feel like I'm managing to hold myself together, so long as I keep procrastinating. I know logically that I will feel much better when I advance on this project, but everytime I begin to look at it, this project starts to overwhelm me and I have to back off.
A big part of the problem I'm facing right now is that I have a difficult time looking at feedback. This project requires me to edit and combine 5 assignemtns I've previously turned in.
Additionally, I'm having trouble comprehending what exactly my professor wants as the final product.
I'm upset at myself for procrastonating for so long. I knew this was going to be difficult for me, and waitng until the day before has only made things harder. It feels like I've backed myself into a corner, and I HAVE to act now or else face serious conecquences.
The biggest asset I still have avaible is the time that remains. I have roughly 34 hours left to get this thing completed, and that's certianlly enough time to get me into a better position than the one im in now. I just have to stop procrastonating.
Any feedback or good wishes would be really welcome right now. For the time being, I'm going to make a commitment to myself to see how much progress I can make in 1 hour. After an hour of working, I'll come back here to see what I've written and evaluate if I feel any better about my position.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Do you ever feel like you’re alone even though you have so many friends around you I constantly feel like this, I feel so alone yet there are people I can talk to about how I feel though I’ve decided not to I don’t want to bother them with my problems. I have so much self hatred that I don’t want to be happy at all. I always find a way to make myself sad and just cry I hate that. I have almost no motivation to do anything. When I finally do something such as a sport then later on that sport feels so boring and useless to me that I don’t even want to do it. I feel so lost I am always in my own thoughts and talk to myself about how much of a shitty person I am and do not deserve to live
|
self.depression
|
A happy post We thought my daughter had Diabetes Type 1. Displayed almost every symptom. Even the doctor thought the bloodwork to confirm it was just that: a confirmation.
But she doesn't have it! All of the symptoms were just products of other small things going on. Small things that are easily fixed or will fix themselves.
To top it off, I go on vacation tomorrow. Needless to say, I am slightly euphoric at the moment.
Hope everyone has an awesome day.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone else want to just sleep? I'm always so tired and want to sleep forever. Not suicidal but almost to the point to where I'm basically not functioning bc I just want to be in bed, sleeping.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel like I've been stepping in place for a long time [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
A week before school starts and I'm already hopeless In the past, I tried to be ambitious about how *this* semester would be where things get improved. The end of those semesters shoot my hopes down. Not really sure what to do to survive the upcoming semester while remaining sane..
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I'm stopping breathing when going to sleep. (Busporine) I took my first dose of busporine last night. I slept for 2 hours then woke up. Every time I try to go back to sleep as soon as I nod off I wake up and gasp for air.
Has anyone else had this happen with busporine?
It's been 20 hours since I took it and I still can't sleep
|
self.Anxiety
|
Starting a new medication? Hi everyone! So I started a new medication (Trileptal) towards the end of July (also at the same time I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2). So far my highs and lows are more subdued but I'm still not 100% sure as to what to expect. I've been on mood stabilizers before but always took an antidepressant with them. My doctors decided that the antidepressants were making me worse so they discontinued them. My question is will I ever not feel these highs and lows?? Will there be a day where I feel 'normal' again?
Thanks!!
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to start a new life. I want to move far away. I want to go somewhere where I don't know anyone and no one knows me. I want to change my number. I want to delete all my social media. I don't want anyone to find me. I want to get away from all the stress and from the pain. I want to get away from the drama and from all of the bullshit
I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of being someone I'm not. I'm tired of trying to live up to other people's expectations. I'm tired of holding back. I'm tired of settling when I deserve better. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of not having the people I really want in my life. I'm tired.
I just want to be free.
|
self.offmychest
|
I just miss you Ever since our departure I can't sleep eat or stop thinking about you. I wish things could be different.
|
self.offmychest
|
Small Victory Saturday 10.28.17 Whether you got yourself out of bed or reached a new life apex, you probably accomplished something this week. What was it? Let's celebrate our victories together.
|
self.bipolar
|
Hey 1 question to all of you who has went to a therapist. Does it actually work? I wasn't born with depression and i was never diagnosed, i was happy and normal up to 3 months ago and ive been feeling sad ALL THE FUCKING TIME! So did going to the therapist actually help anyone here? I'd like to know your answers. Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
What do I do if my Gf of 8 months won't accept my Instagram follow request ? Story below [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My only friends make me want to hurt myself [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
2017 has been one of the worst years of my life. Hey so im not very good at writing stuff but here goes.
So i started this year with a breakup with a girlfriend, i lost quite a few friends with it as we were all in the same sort of friend group. About a week after this i made friends (i use that term lightly) with someone who sort of started following me without me wanting them but they only talk of depressing subjects which always dampens the mood. This is when my mum moved country and i see her VERY rarely only for holidays/birthdays now. A couple weeks after a friend committed suicide, i never got to say goodbye or anything just poof and he's gone. Since this ive felt hollow inside and started getting angrier with people, games and other things i enjoy. About a month ago a childhood friend attempted suicide which worries me to death as i don't know if he will try again. I don't really tell people how i feel about all this which i know isn't good but i've never been the best person with talking about personal subjects.
Thanks for reading if ur still here.
buh bye
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self.offmychest
|
Is it normal to be depressed the night after the first day of work? Every time I start a new job, I'm nervous during work hours but once I get home I get all depressed and think to myself that this it. This is my life from now on. I mean I really get depressed where I wouldn't eat anything that night and this feeling follows for more than one night. Do you guys feel that?
|
self.depression
|
My depression I suffer from chronic depression for 5 years now. This is the first time I am telling someone about it which is you guys. My depression started when in 2013 when my maternal grandfather passed away. He was one of closest person to me. After that, everything went wrong, I became more introverted. I wanted to kill myself. Till today, I still hide behind my fake mask of happiness, No one knows I suffer from depression not even the closest person to me. I don't want to let them know about since they will suffer too. Recently, my depression is getting worse than ever thanks to constant failures in anything I try to do. I just wanted to express my feelings to someone. This is the very first time I am expressing my feelings.
|
self.depression
|
I see things/hear voices This is gonna be a long one.
I recently turned 18 last October. For the last two years or so, I've been experiencing things I can only classify as 'weird' and 'crazy.' It's gotten to a point where I don't know what's going on and it kind of scares me.
It started simply enough. You ever get that thing where the edges of your vision get dark for a second, then go back to normal? Like, the power in your house flickered for a second. I don't know if that's normal, but that would happen every once in a while. I figured I was just too tired. Maybe I was.
Then I started to see things in the corners of my eye. Like, figures, movement, stuff that would go away if I took a second look. It would freak me out at first, and I got really jumpy for a couple months, enough that my friends started to get a little worried. But over time I just sort of got used to it.
Every once in a while a figure (like, in a window or something) will stay even after I get a better look, but it's rare, and it goes away pretty quickly.
This stuff still happens every once in a while, and my best friend still notices when I do a double take, but it's otherwise just something I deal with.
After the figures and junk, I started hearing things. At first it would be like, my name being called in the hallways of my highschool. Thing is, I always wear headphones (crowds bother me, so music helps to relax me) and it's always been clear as day. I'd ask my friends, and it was never them.
It started happening in empty rooms too, just a whisper of my name, and then silence. It was creepy.
It'd freak me out at first, but again, I just sort of got used to it. Again, it still happens from time to time.
This year, somewhat recently, things got worse, and I had what I guess would be considered a breakdown.
In the middle of the night, I was unable to sleep, so I just sort of lay there quietly. Then I started to hear stuff, nothing new, I figured, so I just kept trying to fall asleep.
But then it kept going, and I started to listen closer, because screw it right? And it got... Weird.
Now this is going to sound crazy, because it was, but here goes: I started hearing this voice, female, I just sort of knew it was a young woman. I couldn't make out the words at first, it was like it was at the edge of my hearing, but I wasn't scared or anything. It had been a pretty rough day, so I was just kind of numb. Without thinking, I just said "Okay. I'll talk to you."
And then it got louder, but I still couldn't make out the words. The best way I could describe it was that it was like her voice was filtered through static, but without the hissing. It was like if you took just the sound inbetween the static and played it back. I felt... Bad, I guess, that I couldn't understand her. And I said as much, because "hey, I'm already talking to the voices in my head, might as well be polite"
It stopped for a bit, but then continued, and I just listened for a while. It kind of felt comforting. I honestly kind of miss her sometimes. And yes, I know that's crazy.
Then, last night, the 'strongest' thing happened. I was at a party with friends. It was a small thing at a friends house. Not really the type of party when you think highschool. (Also, there were no drinking/drugs. We're all square-as-hell theater kids) Anyway, I needed a break, so I stepped out into the hallway and just sort of leaned against the wall, looking at my phone.
I glanced up, and there it was. This figure was standing in an adjacent hallway, but it was different this time. For one thing, it was white, rather than a dark shadow or something. Second, there were actually features, I could make out the rough look of a face, and it was about as tall as an adult person. Without thinking, I asked "what do you want?" and when I blinked it was gone. This all happened in a couple seconds at most, but it left me feeling creeped out, like I was being watched.
That's pretty much it. To clear some things up before I finish:
I am aware that this isn't real, and it's my mind being weird.
I've spoken with my mother, who has experience with mental junk, and she doesn't seem to be worried.
I've set up therapy, but because of where I live and junk, it'll take a couple months before I can actually start seeing someone, and even then, they (and my parents) think it's more about depression (since I made the mistake of mentioning I had suicidal thoughts last year).
Tl;Dr: I feel like I'm sort of going crazy, and my parents/future therapist don't seem to see that as an issue because they think I'm just sad and dramatic.
Advice is welcome, but yeah, just figured I should let this stuff go somewhere.
|
self.offmychest
|
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