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Well My counselor just got charged with child molestation and posting pics online.
What's new with you guys?
Honestly I guess you just never know who might be up to something fucked up.
I almost don't even wanna hit CTRL v, [but](http://www.cbs46.com/story/37528358/psychologist-charged-with-molesting-9-year-old-posting-pics-online).
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self.bipolar
|
Why do I get so down (depressed?) at the beginning of every semester? It may not be real depression but I do get down and gloomy during the beginning of every semester. I’m in college and have a full time job, so I’m keeping pretty busy. But when I do have a little time to myself, I just want to sit and stare at a wall. It’s not just me; my family has noticed that I act this way too. Why do I do this and is there anything I can do to help? I’m taking 100mg of sertraline already!
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self.depression
|
Questions About symptoms? I've been asking myself for the past 3 years if I have anxiety or not. I always thought that the symptoms I had were normal, but recently I'm starting to question it more. I know I'm not depressed but sometimes the only thing I'll do all day is sit at the computer with my guitar when I have important school work to do. I eventually finish my work, but at the last minute. When I try to do it early on, my mind just races with thoughts and makes it difficult to concentrate. It also affects my sleep but I've been trying to work on that.
Another thing is that people say I'm physically too tense, and that I need to relax my muscles more. However, it's uncomfortable for me to be relaxed all the time if that makes sense. I'm not sure if I can fix that. There's other minor details, but the racing thoughts thing is something that's worrying to me and can be further expanded. I'm also talking to myself more, but I think everyone does that.
I really wanna know your guy's thoughts on this. I'm too scared to talk to my parents about this so my plan was to go see someone once I go to college. Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
I cut my wrists because of noisy neighbor, nobody gives a crap its been an ongoing thing with my neighbor for about 1 year now, finally today I couldn't take much more of the dogs howling day and night, her slamming my cupboards and making a noise in the cupboard early hours of the morning, they aren't deep I dont need ER treatment
bear in mind I;m not crying since I literally cant cry I've tried my hardest I also can't be angry as it's difficult to express it, I just felt like doing this to myself because I'm sick of it my mom didn't answer her phone despite saying she's helping me
I'm a male and I'm pathetic. fuck all you ignorant bastards too
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self.depression
|
I am so fucking unbearably lonely I have no job, no friends. and nothing even close to an SO. I've never even been on a date. That's a pipe dream of course I wouldn't date someone as disgusting as me so why should anyone else in the first place. But I can't stop desperately wanting to be loved, to be touched. not even sexually necessarily tho that too, but just be held, kissed. Anyone, I don't give a fuck anymore boy or girl just someone anyone please It's never happened and it feels like it never will. I feel like I'm starving to death. I can't shake this need I've never really felt before and it's every damn minute. it's so damn funny though I shrink away from even the slightest of contact with another human, in the rare occasion I'm in public I bury myself in my phone and hope desperately no one acknowledges me. no one ever does but I'm always still afraid they will. how fucking pathetic, isn't it. add this to the list of things that make me wanna rip my skin open
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self.depression
|
Do you just want to be someone else? Maybe not anyone in particular. Just someone else, who’s not you. Who doesn’t think, act, look, or live like you.
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self.depression
|
Hour 30 without sleep now So it's been quite a while for me now, but I'm decidedly slipping into a manic phase. I had a nap yesterday and woke up at 7PM. It's now 1:15AM the next day, making it 30 sleepless hours without any signs of fatigue. Throughout today my speech has gotten incredibly fast and pressured, my mind is going a million miles an hour, and my dinner bill was much higher that it should have been due to a luckily minor degree of self-medicating.
I honestly don't remember the last time things were this bad for me mentally; it's certainly been a few years. It's especially hard because I've been taking my meds as prescribed and I'm also cut off from my normal system of support (including my boyfriend, family, and most friends) since I'm studying in a foreign country at the moment. The stress of school is huge; I'm in a professional program and need to do better this term. First test is on Tuesday and the pressure is decidedly on; that's a major portion of what's triggering this, I think. I don't quite know what to do at this point since it's the weekend; I'm not quite in crisis (I have control of my body and am not suicidal or homicidal) so an emergency line isn't what I really need, but something needs to happen sooner rather than later to attempt to stabilize my mood.
Anyone have tips on how they've calmed a manic mind when medications acutely fail to stabilize mood?
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self.bipolar
|
Felt like dying today would be an escape from everything. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
my feelings I'm really struggling currently with high school, junior year, and I probably wont get into college. I'm not a dumb kid I just cant get motivated to do any of the work. I have a bad problem with motivating myself because I hate myself. my mom wont listen to me when I talk about how fucked up in the head I am and how I should see a therapist. everything is just stress full and I just wanna run away but I have nowhere to go. Life is fucking shit I hate this shit. its a cruel fucking joke. Fuck
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self.depression
|
How to get out of my head? I have an online friend I can talk to, but he's not available all the time.
I want to be able to get out of my nasty thoughts without leaning on someone else, but I think I reached the point where *nothing* is captivating enough to drown out my depressive thoughts.
The ways that I found that worked is socialization with a meaningful person (winning the lotto), or novel sensory overload when you're exposed to so much new and exciting sensory information that you don't have the brainspace to think about anything else (like experiencing travelling or something cool for the first time).
Otherwise, even the most engrossing film, video game, or whatever isn't enough to pull me out, or it does but only for a short while.
Lastly, I suspect that all of this is incredibly unhealthy save for the socialization, but I'm at a loss. It's either keep searching or play Russian roulette with my mind.
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self.depression
|
Place i applied to asks if i could come in tomorrow instead of friday I applied to a place for a job, a sandwich place. last week they said I could come in this Friday fora trial run to see if I could do the work and if I would like it. they called me just earlier, asking if I could come in tomorrow instead after asking if I had my uniform(black work pants, black non sticking shoes), which I end up saying yes out of panic, partly because technically it's true, I do have said pants and shoes, though i'm not 100% if they fit the criteria, partly because I felt if I said no and to go in on Friday, it would make me look bad and they would look at me less favorably. I'm really scared and panicking a bit because I was not prepared for this, and that it will be technically my first real job yet.
I'm really scared that i'll end up having too much anxiety because of dealing with people, along with a new environment and having to do actual work, which meant people will be watching me...
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self.Anxiety
|
I dont even understand why I get so lonely at nights I just sit here, on my computer, wanting to look at porn and get so fucking lonely. I don't look at porn because it'll lead to more depression but then I keep thinking about how lonely I am and how no one has ever had true feelings for me. Fuck i've never even kissed a girl OR held a girls hand. Mabye I did once but I dont remember it. I love you guys good night.
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self.depression
|
I am okay, until I have to be alone with my thoughts. I enjoy the company of my friends, even though I'm very bad at talking to them. When I'm out with them or rehearsing with my band I feel okay. I almost feel depression free for the time being— I feel like everything will be okay, that I got this, that I am in control, that it doesn't matter that I have a lot of homework due in the next week cause I'll go home and get it done. I feel strong and motivated.
And then I have to go home. I am no longer in the company of people who love me, so I start feeling anxious. I start believing they actually fucking hate me. I lose it. I hate being alone because my horrible thoughts are a lot easier to hear over the silence of no one talking.
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self.depression
|
As we now know, net neutrality is over and in case they start making changes quickly I thought I would say "Thank You" to everyone! Today is the day that I have been talking about with everyone. We do not know what will happen, when it will happen or how it will effect us all but I just wanted to say thank you all. Thank you for the fun conversations, funny jokes and educational content. If this is going to end, it has been great and I wouldn't change a thing.
To all of you: Take care of yourselves, happy holidays and never give up the good fight. Keep in mind after its repeal that every thing being shown to us may very well be purposefully delivered with the carriers end goals in mind. We may very well not be able to trust anything we view online and/or may not be able to do adequate research without paying additional money to see both sides of a topic.
So what do we do? Let's use the local libraries again, where we can. They could definitely use our money. Lets communicate with people as much as possible. Lets not get offended by different opinions and all in all lets just work together. Lets not judge one another and not so harshly judge ourselves. Lets just be the best people we can?
In time we may be able to fix this. Let's all start there.
Best wishes!
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self.offmychest
|
Am I just weak I posted yesterday about how down Ive been feeling.... I work in a call center... fuck it I work for spectrun tech support for businesses. Ive worked there for about 7 months and I cant handle it.
I live on my own and I have bills to pay, however I want to blast my brains out even thinking about going there. Call center turn over rates are really bad I suppose, Ive never been this depressed... any suggestions
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self.depression
|
Med with least side effects to treat GLAD? I've been refusing to try any because I don't want them to cause any ED or drowsiness.
Any recommendations to try first?
|
self.Anxiety
|
She's convinced I want to stay like this. I've had the same psychiatrist for almost 7 years now. I started seeing her when I was 15, and I turned 23 last week. She's really callous and convinced that I want to stay depressed and suicidal. She thinks that because I can't stop smoking weed that I don't respect her or something. That seems to be the only fucking thing she's worried about. No don't worry about the voices in my head telling me to kill myself or that tell me what a giant piece of shit I am. No stay focused on the one thing that actually helps me, I would have killed myself if I never found weed. She's said she's convinced that I want to stay like this.
Now she wants to put me on an anti psychotic. I'm not taking it, I'm done with her and her callous tough love shit. If tough love worked for me I wouldn't have had depression in the first place. That's all I've put up with the last few years.
I'm so tired of everything.
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self.depression
|
I just cut for the first time in a year. I need to talk to someone. Warring, somewhat graphic descriptions of cutting ahead. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Just finished writing my suicide note. It's almost a serene feeling. I know people will
care when I'm gone. I have a few friends, a family, it doesn't matter though. I don't know who I am, everything I do in life I just imitate what I see, what I'm supposed to do. Just gonna have a few drinks, smoke one more cig, and slip this knot over my head and just go. I tried this a few days ago and failed bad, I won't make the same mistake. Peace out.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else Completely zone out When Anxious? If I am in a public place and someone says something that provokes my anxiety, I do something my mind tells me is stupid, or someone is looking at me, I kind of enter this haze.
Its hard to explain, but its almost like being really stoned. Not third person, but its like my mind filters out everything except the anxiety producing situation. A person could scream and I probably wouldn't react unless they were relevant to the situation. I would hear it but I wouldn't process it as important.
Example (**describing my anxiety in the moment could be triggering I guess**):
At walmart I am getting ready to pay. I drop my wallet. The people behind me notice. My anxiety told me they were judging me but rationally I know probably not. Anyway I have never been more focused on picking up a wallet in my life. The people behind me don't exist anymore except in the back of mind that I have viewers "don't be awkward." I know they are there but I couldn't tell you even how many there are. Before dropping my wallet I could have told you age, height, gender, etc.
Checker says something. I don't really hear what she says so I just smile and swipe my card. Now I freak out about how a smile could have been an awkward response depending on what she said. I stare at the "authorizing" message. My mind doesn't want to process my surroundings. I just want the message to change so I can go. When I finally do go, my focus is now on walking normal (I feel like I walk weird when anxious) and the quickest exit I can make without it being obvious. At this point I probably wouldn't have noticed someone looking at me because of a sort of tunnel vision. I feel kinda numb and like my anxiety can't get worse because the haze protects me.
Anyone feel like this? The haze goes away in a few minutes generally. However if I'm forced to stay in the situation for a long time (like work) it can linger for hours.
Edit: as for the tunnel vision its not real eye based tunnel vision. For example I can drive safely in this state most the time unless its really bad. I would see the cars and lights etc. I would miss the person on the sidewalk beside me, the dog barking etc.
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self.Anxiety
|
:/ My mother is so hateful in a passive aggressive type of way and I am dependent on her...
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self.depression
|
Has anyone disclosed their anxiety to their employer for any Eason? If so, why and how did it go? Any regrets or suggestions? A certain reoccurring task I’ve been assigned is causing me intense anxiety and affecting my quality of life as much as a month before having to actually do said task. (I’m a legal assistant and the task is interpreting for asylum interviews (I’ve never received any form of training in interpreting and my language skills are intermediate)).
I’ve been thinking about disclosing my anxiety to my supervisor but I’m very uncomfortable with the idea, not to mention having to actually initiate the conversation and go through with it. I’m thinking of doing this because he has repeatedly asked me if there’s anything they can improve/my overall satisfaction with the position. I want to be open with him because the anxiety is so intense, it’s making me consider looking for a new job and i want to be honest with them instead of possibly blindsiding them when and if I resign.
Anyone done this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
does anyone feel the same . . . My brain feels really fuzzy right now and I can't really organize my thoughts so this post may seem like it bounces around alot.
1. Does anyone else feel like they want to be dead . . . but not exactly die? Like, I go through a period at least once or twice every month where I just want to be dead. I'm not suicidal because I don't have an actual desire to kill myself, which seems to only make me even more depressed and angry with myself. I usually end up waiting until no one is around and I'll try to cause minor harm to myself (punching a wall, stabbing myself with a pen, etc.). I've never gone beyond minor pain; I've tried to cut myself, but I've never had the (balls, strength, will, desire, etc.) to do it.
2. Does anyone else feel like their whole life is cyclical- like a tv show. No matter how much I try to change, I wind up in the same space where I left off. I go through this cycle of: trying to change, working really hard at changing, gradually fail at what I'm trying to change, get really depressed, learning about a new thing I could change, then repeating the cycle. No matter what I try, or how hard I try to rise above my ADHD and depression, I just end up back where I was at the start.
3. Does anyone feel numb. There are whole days where, aside from my own self hate, I don't feel any deep emotions. When I get like that, I don't seem to care about anything: not my parent, my friends, my grades, my goals, hobbies,- ANYTHING. Any anger I have about my numbness feels incredibly skin deep.
I hope I'm making sense. Again, My mind is having a really hard time focusing on anything.
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self.depression
|
I got laid off from my job two weeks ago tomorrow I’ve been filling out app after app and I’ve had only two interviews in this two week frame. I have one more check from my job coming in but after that, I got zilch coming in. I’m stressed out to the max and I’m about to lose my mind over thinking about having no job. It sucks because I loved that job and I had a full benefits package with it. I just don’t know what comes next and I’ve never not had a plan or at least an idea of what to do next and that scares me. So much for having two degrees in this day and age.
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self.offmychest
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Would you hang out with yourself? If you were a different person, would you be interested enough to approach who you are now? I wouldn't. But I believe it's the first step in examining myself.
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self.depression
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Its annoying when people expect great things from you Even if you dont want them to then you fail and not reach their expectations they just hate you and say you're not trying your best. Its the same thing over and over which is really depressing.
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self.depression
|
My new kitten disapeared this night and i can't help feeling like trash. Last year I adopted a kitty to help me through my depression, we lived a year together. She ran away after I had to move back to my father's house back this april.
Last week i finally decided to adopt a new cat after so much time and she just disapeared while I was out of the house. My father says he just turned his head for a while and she was gone. I've been searching for her all day. Feeling hopeless, lonely and useless. I shouldn't have left the house yesterday.
I miss the little girl so much. She was the best companion i could have had.
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self.depression
|
I had one of the most up and down years this past year and desperately want 2018 to be better Most people don't know everything I went through this year so I guess getting it off my chest here could help. While I have made it to law school and things are generally looking up, I've dealt with a lot this past year. My sister ran away from home, something came up at the end of my senior year of college that almost kept me out of law school, I was homeless for a few months this summer, and my girlfriend just broke up with me. I'm struggling with getting over her and moving on, but I don't know who is the right person and I'm scared of hurting whoever isn't the right person. I just want 2018 to be better. I can deal with hard classes and finding a summer internship, I just want stability again from a relationship without hurting anyone. I'm ok being single, but I'm in a position now where I don't know the right move. And it's not helping me finishing getting over my ex.
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self.offmychest
|
I want help but I don't know how to get it I have problems. I want my depression or whatever to improve, but I honestly don't know how. I think I seriously misunderstood what therapists do. I've had two and neither has really helped me. They apparently are just supposed to listen to you and nothing else pretty much? That's all my first one did. If I wanted to talk to someone, I would talk to my friends. I don't need to pay someone for that. It felt so fake and I hated it. Second one I felt like she had no idea what she was doing. She'd offer whatever shitty life advice would pop into her head, really. The only thing she ever did was tell me I had anxiety when I never considered it. That was eye opening.
So therapy is a no. Suicide hotline? Not really at that point yet tbh. Talking to my friends is nice but it won't fix me. I don't really know what else to do. I just know I want to feel less shitty. Any advice or whatever would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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self.depression
|
I’m the black sheep of my family. I’m a 27/F who is 36 weeks pregnant and married. Currently I live with my husband, my grandparents, my aunt, her boyfriend and their 1 y/o son.
My aunt is 31/F (sounds strange but my grandparents got pregnant very late and then 4 years later I was born — there you have it, aunt) and is the baby of the family. In my family that means she gets away with everything and anything. She wants something? It’s her. She doesn’t have to lift a finger or pay a damn thing for it. My grandparents will always give it to her. Me? I’m the oldest grandchild. In my family that means, I have to work for everything I’ve ever wanted and I mean EVERYTHING. a car, a cell phone, clothes.. etc. I could go on.
Currently my husband and I are trying to save money. My grandparents offered to let us stay with them for the duration of my pregnancy bc of our situation. We were going to move to NV, but my husband won’t be fully done with school until December. I’m due in December, also.
As they are doing a favor to us, I offered to pay some sort of rent or bills to help out. They said no. We’re super grateful as this gives us a chance to save money before our son gets here. Here’s where the shit hits the fan.
My aunt doesn’t work and I don’t work. My husband works a full time job while going to school every single day of the week. My aunt’s bf works part time three days a week. My grandma’s response? My husband should be working harder apparently.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m depressed. I’m depressed bc I want this pregnancy to be over with so we can finally move out of this toxic situation, I’m depressed because I’m constantly not good enough for my family but my aunt is the golden child for literally sitting on her ass. I’m depressed bc my husband works so much and I barely see him. Ugh, I’m sorry for making this stupid post.
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self.depression
|
Are excuses anxiety related?? Is there anyone with similar experiences? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Is there a more helping place on the Internet? Ive looked to some of the threads and most people here just agree with your thoughts and accept your depression in the subtext. Is that really a good thing?
Im 25, male, living in germany. On my own. I didnt learned a job I never really had one, I live off welfare. I dont have friends.
Weed, Videogames, Youtube and Porn have kept me from living since I was 17. I wasted most of my youth in front of my computer screen and I still do waste most of my time there. And recently the memories of all the chances I failed to pursue and all the people I let down are following me through the day and deep into the night. I dont know what to do. I cant sleep.
I cant get back in time and turn my life around when I still had the world open to me. And once youre isolated in your appartment in your mid 20s theres just no option to make friends. Even if I put on a fassade of happyness which I think Im really good at, i think my severe depression shines through which turns people away. Besides that.... I got nothing to tell, I dont have any storys or memories that could be turned into anecdotes. I woudnt want me as a friend. Even my mother (I dont have a father) doesnt initate a conversation anymore via WhatsApp. The days fly by without any message anywhere.
Most people would be missed when they leave this world. But I feel like when Id do it. The world would just keep spinning and only my mother and grandmother would be touched by it. And I dont think for long.
I got nothing that keeps me attached to this world besides the fear of dying and death. I dont know how to get out of this and start being a normal human again.
Edit 1: That feeling when you wanna go out because you havent been for 4 days but theres nothing out there to go to so you stay in.
That feeling when its 3am and you just watched a movie and get back to the emptyness and theres no media to satisfy you and you just sit there but dont go to bed because you know your regrets will keep you awake the whole night.
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self.depression
|
Doctors saying it's "your choice" I've had this happen to me before, but it's currently happening to my mom.
She just got out of a bout of psychosis and has had Parkinsonian symptoms that has made her life pretty debilitating. The doctor ordered a lithium test to see if her kidney was okay, but she had taken her normal dose t hat morning--so they knew it was going to be a little high.
When the doctor saw it he said it was "up to her" whether or not to keep at the same dose of lithium. She said she would, and called me today worried it was the wrong choice as the symptoms were getting worse.
WHY THE FUCK SHOULD IT BE UP TO HER?! And now she is blaming herself! Like what the fuck were the seven years of medical school and hundreds of thousands of dollars in pay each year worth if you can't do your job?!
Like I said, I've had the same experiences but never when the situation was so severe. Aren't doctors supposed to be fucking experts? Then why put the responsibility on the patient to make decisions that you are getting payed to make!?!
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone keep a journal? I normally keep a journal when I'm feeling mixed or hypomanic so it's very scattered writing. Does anyone here keep a journal that is about their struggles with bipolar/life? If so, would you share a journal post ?
Below is a journal entry I made the day after i tried to kill myself:
It was the first time. The first time I saw death as a comfort. I saw my life ending as a comforting experience. I wasn't afraid of death one bit. If I was hit crossing this street, I wouldn't mind one bit. I walked to the pharmacy, and bought as much as I could, or what I thought would be enough. I walked back to campus. I proceeded to buy more pills from the campus center. I went to the bathroom to swallow everything. I realized this might not be enough. I kept thinking it might not be enough. But, I just gave up. I thought " I'll just take my chances." I continued my day after swallowing all these pills. I saw a blood donor truck. I was hoping they woukd take out my blood, so it would give me more of a chance at death. The problem was.. my pulse was too high (150), she said she couldn't take my blood because of that reason.
I went to my morning class. We had a guest speaker. I couldn't walk straight. I tried to use tables and slowly walk down to my seat. That was a task of its own. I found myself dosing in and out while sitting in my seat. Everyone's words felt like background noise. There was a calmness I had. I felt so calm and ready. I felt like words wouldn't come out of my mouth.
I couldn't understand anyone. I couldn't complete any thoughts. Nor I hear the questions being answered. This didn't feel like a mistake. Not one bit. It felt right to me.
The whole experience feels like a distant dream, that I can't confirm whether it happened or not
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self.bipolar
|
Disorganized hearing/reading. Anyone else experience this? So this is kind of hard to explain. Sometimes, when I hear someone say something, I don’t understand it. Like it’s not gibberish or unclear or muffled or anything. It’s just that my brain doesn’t register it as a word. It takes me hearing the person say it multiple times before it finally gets through. Same with words on a page. I’ll look at it. It’s a word. My brain doesn’t think it’s a word. It’s not like in dyslexia where the letters move places or flip around. It’s like I’m staring at shapes instead of letters.
I didn’t know where else to post this. Is this a bipolar thing? Is this even a thing? Do any of you have any experience with it/know what it is? Thanks :)
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self.bipolar
|
Why does noone care about me? Ive been going through a really tough time as of late
Ive been reaching out to family and friends but there is always a reason that someone cant come over or i can get out.
Ive tried going out on my own for the last few weeks but my anxiety just sky rockets and im really just sitting in my own head
Ive called so many life line numbers and nothing seems to help
Im feeling exhusauted and out of options
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self.Anxiety
|
Lol. I think switching my Abilify to night-time dosing caused my returned over-eating/almost binging at night issues. YAY. Took it this morning instead because.. I was thinking of going back to mornings to make sure I take it at more consistent times. I took it a few hours after breakfast and was STARVING within a few hours and normally I'd not be hungry until say 1pm, it was like 11am. I felt hungry after lunch too. Ate my dinner almost 2 hours ago and i'm pretty much fine, and I'm even 80 calories below goal. I don't feel an urge to go eat more food... Obviously too early to know if this was the cause, but when I was taking it during the day my weight was going down and I was almost down back to 150 (now back to 157 yaay). The funny thing is that I would never over-eat due to hunger, but it was just like a compulsion to eat. So no idea why the difference.
Anyone else notice different side-effects when taking meds at different times of the day?
|
self.bipolar
|
Ex bf owes me thousands and being ignored is making me insanely mad fuck im so enraged
i bet he is enjoying the fact he doesnt have to pay me back (as he has an "excuse" to ignore me) because we broke up and this makes me 100 times more mad
fuck fuck fuck
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self.offmychest
|
I can't make connections with others I literally have no one. Just me. I'm on my own no matter what happens. LITERALLY no one cares about me. I cannot make human connections because I fell behind due to depression. I have a therapist, but I can;t do anything. I don't have family, friends, anything. I HATE MYSELF. I WANT TO DIE. I'm too afraid to kill myself but I WANT TO JUST DIE.
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self.depression
|
I hate your obsession with sex. Edit: Thank you so much for all the replies, every single word. I'm really paranoid about someone finding this so I deleted it but I want to keep the comments to read. I'm trying to stay strong. Thank you.
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self.offmychest
|
I can’t stop thinking about suicide Every choice I make is the wrong choice. Every attempt I make at something, I feel like I always come up short. I feel like I need to prove myself to everyone around me as well as myself everyday.
I’ve got nothing to look forward to. I’ve got no big passions or hobbies that make me excited for the end of my day. All of my friends seem to be drifting further and further away. My family thinks I’m okay, but they don’t really know and I don’t really want to tell them how miserable I am. What difference will it make? They don’t encourage me or offer me solutions or anything. The other half of my family could probably care less about me.
At least if I die, I will no longer have to make choices. I won’t have to compete with myself. I won’t come up short because there will be nothing to come to. There will be nothing. And that feels a lot more comfortable than the ‘something’ that I am living with today.
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self.depression
|
i kind of want to go off my meds i want a reset. i want to be my true self and not have these pills change my brain. i miss the fun parts of mania, and i truly miss not knowing what's going on half the time.
before meds i was either too manic to feel any worry or realize what's happening, or i was too depressed to plan on living much longer. either way, responsibility was never on my mind. neither was my job, or money, or food, or anything real adults have to deal with. i was completely unaware of how life really is and i want that back!
i'm feeling super restless right now and it's coming out of nowhere. i don't know if i've ever wanted to go off my meds before? i honestly can't remember. i don't know why i'm feeling this way, because i know without my meds i'm a literal mess and i'm reckless and destructive and irresponsible and overall a huge danger to myself in many ways. but i'm so tired of reality right now, i just want it to end. if i can't go into an alternate world maybe letting my mind become an alternate world again is the next best thing? does anyone else ever get tired of living in reality?
i've been on meds for 7 years and i'm still not used to the stress of responsibilities and real life on medication.
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self.bipolar
|
I hate my other side I'm your normal outgoing guy, kind and understanding in some ways. I love going out and making friends as I can, live life how you can I'd say.
However in a car when I'm put in a situation that could've potential gotten me into an accident because of someone else's carelessness I see so much fucking red and I want to make them feel what I feel pushing me to road rage. Then after the incident angrily honking and yelling profane response in their direction for what they've done I immediately feel bad, ashamed, and disappointed in my own inability to fucking control myself and remain composed. I hate this side so much.
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self.offmychest
|
Today spent my 30th Birthday mostly alone. Spent my 30th Birthday (today) alone, went out to dinner with my folks and auntie last night, today I Just ran some errands, thought about organizing a small get together but opted against it due to fear of few people attending as I'm not exactly Mr.Popular and now it's too late (9pm), guess I can only blame myself.
My brother is in NZ and a few other friends have commitments with kids etc, I tried to organize something late notice but everyone already had plans which I had predicted. Was going to head over to a mates place so gave him a bell but he was too hungover/tired for a few beers, although I don't think he knew it was my birthday which I can't blame him for. But sure does make you feel alone.
Not sure what the point of this post is. Feel like I completely wasted my 20's, I hope the next 10 years bring some better luck and fortune. Maybe 30 years old shouldn't mean anything, just seems like a mile stone and felt I should of made a better effort, or maybe I'm just over thinking it.
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self.depression
|
Please help. Talking to my boss about my depression. I’ve always had depression, and it’s gotten really bad this year. It’s affecting every aspect of my life, I’ve pushed most of my friends away, barely been talking to my family, my finances are a mess, and worst of all, my performance at work has gotten really bad. My boss is very hands off, so no one knew how behind I had gotten, what a mess I’d made of my work. Well last week I got a kidney stone and had to be out several days, and when I was gone they discovered how bad I was doing. Ugh.
Now, Tuesday first thing in the morning I have a meeting with my boss and HER boss called “discussion about performance” and I think it’s extremely likely I get fired. Even though I find it REALLY hard to talk about, I’m considering just being totally honest and talking to them about my depression, and how much it’s eacallated this year. Let them know that it’s not just my work that has suffered, but my finances, soicial life, family life, health, everything. I’m not trying to use it as an excuse, it’s just the truth. I don’t know that it will save my job, but at this point I don’t know what else to do.
Has anyone ever done this. What do you think? Any advice? I’m so scared of losing my job and just spiraling further and further down.
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self.depression
|
mom might have cancer I cant believe this, I dont know how to feel. I dont know what to do. This seems unreal and I am kind of in denial about it all.
I have nobody to talk to about this, no friends. My family is all I have. I dont want to lose my mom.
God I wish i was never born. I was just born to fucking suffer, I was never meant to be happy. Everything in my life is a big failure and disappointment after another and this is too much.
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self.depression
|
I wish I could just forget about you You have some verifiable bad things going on in your life, but you see no need to contact me anymore. you say you still want to see me, but you dont even talk to me. but you can still post snaps (and talking about how BORED you are, yet you cant say hi??) and go on a dating site? do you really expect me to think this is ALL related to the bad things that just happened (btw yes, they are serious for anyone wondering, but not the point of ditching people,).
I get it. You dont want me. Now you also have the convenient excuse of whats going on to also keep me from saying anything and from being able to straight up call you a dick.
I see what youre doing. Coward.
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self.offmychest
|
Relaxation exercises that don't focus on breathing? I just can't focus on my breathing, especially not hold my breath, any other idea?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I Used to Think it was All About Meds And it looks like the vast majority here do, as well. I found out the Very Hard Way (blown career, blown marriage, 11 hospitalizations, two suicide attempts, $400K down the drain, more) that it ISN'T.
I've been on Effexor, Buspar, Risperdal, Inderal, Geodon, Klonopin, Ativan, Elavil, Triavil, Paxil, Remeron, Depakote, Neurontin, Trleptal and Seroquel at various times since 1994. 'Quel is the only thing that has made any substantial difference. But I was on 150 mgs 14 years ago. Now I am on *12.5*.
How I got from there to here is summarized in >>> [this earlier post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/6qs47o/what_finally_worked_for_me/) <<<. In brief, lifestyle changes, skills training and mindfulness-based psychotherapy has made life *more* than worth living. I found out the (really) hard way that medications are only for stabilization of the "[fight-flight-freeze]( https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=fight+flight+freeze)" reactions to external threat or stress. They did not do anything meaningful for the more subtle "cognitive distortions" and "[defense mechanisms](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_mechanisms)" to which my mind had been [conditioned](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-psychology/201402/explaining-behaviorism-operant-classical-conditioning), [socialized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization) and [normalized](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Normalization_(sociology). Nor did medications do anything for the "[emotion processing](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html)" I needed to do to dig out of all the awful stuff that had been done to me and that I had done in reaction thereto for many years.
Have a look at my replies to an earlier post? [Meds are like Caterpillar D-10 dozers; psychotherapy -- even if it is no more than "emotion management skills" -- is like hand shovels.](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/7a408m/my_doctor_said_im_about_60_recovered_how/)
Finally, if my own "progress" is a reliable indicator, >>> [Stress Reduction for Distress Tolerance & Emotion Regulation](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2017/12/stress-reduction-for-distress-tolerance.html) <<< can be of *immense* help.
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self.bipolar
|
i have difficulty figuring out if i am depressed on not i have difficulty feeling excitement or enthusiasm about most things i engage with. this has been going on for over a year now. even when i achieve set goals, i am momentarily relieved but the dread of being inadequate cause anxiety and self doubt and sends me into a spiral. about a year an half ago, i felt that i was suffocating in my own skin, that i had transformed into an individual who was mopey and anxious and self conscious all the time. i would often start crying, burst out into tears, not knowing what it is that is causing it. occasionally, when i have a nice time, when all my worries disappear and time stops, i am filled with dread about how the good times will soon get over and there will be a sense of enveloping darkness. i am not sure if i am depressed, please help
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self.depression
|
That's not how I thought that would go... I've really been struggling with my depression lately. I'm on 60mg of Latuda and 20 (vaguely useless) mg of Citalopram. I told my pdoc in my appointment today and he agreed that a med adjustment was in order. I thought he would just up my Latuda. Nope! He added 300mg of Lithium.
On one hand, I'm excited that it will at least ease this depression. On the other hand, I'm freaked out by the possible side effects.
Can anyone tell me what starting Lithium was like for you?
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self.bipolar
|
Some people are just lame and have no consideration I have this premission to do exams in a room alone, its embarissing infront of all my classmates i see the looks and hear whispers,but i prefer to get good grades and concentrate, instead of faking that i am like everybody else, any way some of my colleagues asked me how do they get that kind of thing and said that they also have problems concentrating, i hate when this happens i cant go on and say that i am bipolar and i have really tense paranoia that make me afraid of people, once i bursted into tears in the middle of an exam because of that, i hate that, its not a picnic or a magic trick to get good grades!, i study alone, i dont go to most of my lectures, because of my issue and they think that they are the same! , i fight this paranoia each day!
Some of them said that i lied to get this thing, it realy hurts to deal whit those ignorants, and some are friends of mine which i started to ignore and get away from them just because of that!
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self.bipolar
|
most people will probably be happy if i kill myself i'm sick of constantly getting messed around and being everybody's punching bag. the friends i do have have never see me. i haven't had one person come to my house to come hang out in months.
i try to go make new friends both inside and outside of school and it's like they are repelled from me.
i'm sick of my school being a constant battlefield and being known as the weird kid that moved from a different school. not many people know that i moved to escape the traumatic bullying i have experienced from my old school and that i have to wake up at 5AM everyday just to go to school
i fucking just want to be treated like a normal human being and have a few friends that i can hang out with and have a good time but that won't ever happen. most people say it gets better after school but i don't feel like it will. my ex told me to kill myself, i probably should just go follow her advice.
even people on my main account on reddit always judge me and think i'm a fucking stupid cunt. its pretty obvious that people just don't want me here on this planet... i'm giving it a day to do everything that need to be done then nobody will be burdened by me anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The Girl I Love now has a boyfriend I love a girl since 2 years and i would say that we were almost together but Not official.
2 month ago she Met another Boy and now the are official together. The only way I see is to hurt myself, because I cant think Clearly anymore.
Please help.
Boy, 18
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I got in legal trouble I recently got in some very major legal trouble that could potentially put me away for a couple decades. I live in a basement and no one checks on me. I have been struggling with alcoholism for over 20 years. I have no job. My daughters mother successfully filed a restraining order against me so I can't even contact my 8 year old daughter for at least a year. Having no job and no medication (bipolar disorder), I turned to stealing mouthwash from local stores and drinking it in order to just pass out. I feel so utterly hopeless. I always kinda knew it would end this way. I feel so close to death.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm the worst person ever and I deserve to die for supporting piracy..... T_T For the longest time, I have been testing out countless video game emulators and downloading roms only because their games were recommended by reviewers. But then very recently I found out that the very notion of downloading ANYTHING I don't own is illegal and will result in a death sentence!!!
I have been doing that constantly with games and even more obscure movies to a lesser extent! I am just the worst person ever for committing a crime and I am going to fucking kill myself right now!!!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know how long i can take this anymore Im almost 28, no friends or a girlfriend. In general i can't connect or relate with other people. I work a shitty wageslave job in a warehouse because im too stupid for anything better. I have no useful talents, im not intelligent and im not good looking. I literally feel like im good at nothing many have atleast one thing they have an aptitude for. Everyday after work i come back to my small lonely apartment and cope with videogames, tv or anime.
I don't know how long i can take this anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
no way to die i am not afraid of killing myself, i guess i can make it easier thanothers but damn there is no way to die in my 3rd world country.
-> gun (its really hard to get one)
-> jump (i tried my univerity building. Attic door is locked)
-> train line (too much pain)
-> natural gas (i am afraid to kill others at home)
the only way is to hung myself. why there is no "exit the game peacefully" option?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Am I just a spoiled child? I don't really have desire for anything anymore.
I'm so lost, I don't know how to feel. I run away from my problems, I don't want to face it. Does this make me weak? Spoiled? Childish? Sometimes I think I cut myself just to feel validation, like I deserve to feel sad. I let the blood stay and I look in the mirror, so I can feel like my sadness is justifiable. Some part of me knows that I'm just a spoiled bitch, but I don't want to come to it. I want people to hug me and tell me its okay, that my depression is real and alright. My problems are tiny compared to others but I deserve to feel sad.
I have so many worries but I don't feel like I deserve to share. I'm sorry, I'm rambling bullshit.
My life is slowly falling apart and I'm not in the right frame of mind to do anything about it. I don't know what to do and wish someone would help.
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self.depression
|
Am I getting better Idk sometimes I feel like I'm sorting my issues out and getting better, I feel like I am in a better state of mind but then my SO tells me I'm not changing, I'm never going to change. I start to feel lost. I start to feel like I don't belong here
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self.depression
|
What to do with life? There's a point where u really don't know what to do to keep going on, it's hard to see when u really don't have a dream to follow up, and ur social life ends when u take the bus to my city from college, but what to do? how i can change things to get better? At least I created a reddit account xd
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self.depression
|
I (16F) was groomed and abused by an adult I trusted. I can’t survive the aftermath. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m not psychotic - I’m faking it Just as in the title. Currently inpatient having been diagnosed by two psychiatrists as suffering from psychosis. However, I believe this is not the case and I’m subconsciously faking this for attention.
I came from a very traumatic, abusive household and received little love growing up. I wonder whether I have latched into the sympathy and care group given to those who are psychotic. I also have severe OCD, which neither the professionals and I have ever doubted. However, whenever someone references me as being “psychotic”’I feel like a total fraud. My supposed visual hallucinations only come on when I feel upset, and even then I don’t know whether it’s more psychological because I think that I can see writing and pictures on blank walls, but they go away when I calm down, so I wonder if I’m making it up for emotional care during distress. I also wonder whether or not I have a “persecutor” placing thoughts into my head, again only when I’m upset. My psychiatrist at present is saying it’s not BPD, even though that would explain the quick flashes of psychotic thought patterns.
So yeah, in short I feel like total fraud who shouldn’t be in hospital and on antipsychotics (which do help me feel more stable, actually).
Any advice would be gratefully received :) thanks
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self.offmychest
|
sick of my miserable existence, don’t know what to do ow Fuck social anxiety. Just tired of not being able to find a normal fucking job and being three, almost four years out of college and never having had any sustiainable employment for more than a few months. Seriously fuck America and their shitty education system, and fuck my parents for not teaching me how to do shit and be independent because god forbid I should be able to function on my own at some point.
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self.offmychest
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I hate that living rent free with your parents has a stigma [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Other than moral standards, if you do something "wrong" and it doesn't harm anyone, it's okay. I benefit and no one else gets harmed. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Welcome Newcomers and QOTW:04.01.2018 ###Greetings & Salutations!
Use this post to introduce yourself if you're new. Or maybe you're not so new, but haven't gotten around to introducing yourself yet in one of these posts. That's ok too! Either way, we'd love to offer you a warm welcome to our community. In fact, if you've introduced yourself before, why not take some time to say hi to the new people commenting here? What do you have going on this week that's giving you anxiety? Talk to us, we can do this together - **you're not alone in this**!
---
###Question this week:
what is a hobby you enjoy doing?
==============================
---
**Come chat with us!** That's right we have both an /r/Anxiety IRC Channel and Discord Server where we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello! **[IRC Option](https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.snoonet.org/anxiety) | [Discord Option](https://discord.gg/anxiety)**
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](http://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/#irc://irc.snoonet.org:+6697/#anxiety) | [Discord Server](https://discord.gg/anxiety) | [Community Map](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/3oux2l/add_yourself_to_ranxietys_google_map/)
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self.Anxiety
|
Cried in the Car today I was on my way back to my house up at my university when I was ruminating on thoughts about my life. I miss the happy times innocent laughter and all the good times in my last relationship. I realized that it will be going into 2018 and that this whole past year was nothing but torture and hell. I miss my friend. I miss myself. I miss how happy I was. I fear that I will never be that happy again. Most of all I fear to let myself be that truely happy because I know what it's like to have it taken away by depression and by the significant other. I am not ready to love someone else because i feel so broken still I have these days where I miss my own laughter. There are time too where I miss watching your eyes light up as we laugh together... I miss that connection I don't think I will ever get that back with anyone... so now I just cry more and carry my pain..
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else seem to get anxious for no reason? Ive noticed that I get anxious even of I'm not actively thinking of anything to be anxious about. It's kind of weird
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self.Anxiety
|
Stream of Thoughts I just kind of wrote. It’s about my breasts and kind of my whole body and the shame it brings me idk it’s dumb [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I practiced killing myself last night I didn't have the intention of truly acting on it, I was just seeing if I could.
There's no thoughts behind it. It's a gut feeling. The person I go to with all of this said she wants to go with me to my therapy appointment on Friday.
I don't want to go inpatient. I don't want ECT. I don't want to get fat on antipsychotics. I want this suffering to be over.
Edit: I did another practice tonight. I had a what the fuck moment, took some haldol and ativan, and now I'm quite a bit better, albeit zombified. My principal said she was considering asking me to live with her for a while so worst case that might be an option.
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self.bipolar
|
I hate my way of living I am 19 years old, and I have yet to live a good life. Yes I have good parents and everything, my grades are good. But to he honest, I don't have shit.
I grew up with no friends. I never even had a real friend, all I had was my brother and even then it wasn't what I want. He is good and all, just I wanted a friend that to wasn't family. One friend I did have didn't wanna be friends with me anymore in middle school. I never go out and hang out with people, I wish I knew the feeling of "hanging out with friends,".
Now I'm in college, i always hear people talking about parties and getting girlfriends and all that stuff. But now here I am, at home laying down with my old cat. That's what I have been doing everyday after school since I started college, and I'm a sophomore. I look back and know I lived a bad life when it came to friends.
Everyone always says either I gotta fix myself, which I have done for a very long time. I always tried to change my looks, try to talk to people, but nobody wants it. It's hopeless. Other people always say, "Oh just wait until you get older and out of college." Like yeah I'll wait until I get a job and never have free time anymore. And when it comes to finding a girlfriend, I just get told to stopping shopping for girls that are out of my league. Yeah, "shopping," fucking dicks.
I've always want friends, girl friends, I wanna be happy and have fun and smile. I just realize that that will never happen no matter how hard I try. I hate my life, I hate it and I'm jealous of people who are happy and live life fine. Sometimes I do think about ending it all, but really I'm just scared of death so I hold back. Besides, I'll proabably die of a heart attack due to stress soon enough anyway.
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self.depression
|
I think I’m done It’s been long time coming, but now I’m completely considering killing myself... I don’t come to reddit for much beside NSFW shit anymore, I don’t talk to people, nobody talks to me.... all I do is sit at home and stare at the wall. It’s driving me mad. I tried playing videogames...it’s fun, but doesn’t help.
I feel so alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
feeling numb I feel like I ruined my own thanksgiving even though I didn't ask to feel like this. my therapist thinks I'm bipolar. idk how to feel about that
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self.depression
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I feel nothing because I felt everything at the same time [deleted]
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self.depression
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What the fuck is wrong for 'begging for attention'? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
At 25, the only girl that ever wanted to date me, broke up with me after a month. I feel so alone. I have never felt more alone after feeling so high. She messaged me, and we got together, but after a month, she said she didn’t know what was wrong with her, and that she shouldn’t have contacted me to soon after her boyfriend dumped her. So she broke ties with me.
I feel like continuing on is just as viable as suicide at this point. The thought of suicide has less of a sting to it than it had before.
When I’d think of suicide, I used to cry, but it’s continuing on that makes me cry now. I want the suffering to end. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I don’t want to BE. I just want it to end.
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self.depression
|
I messed up with the goddamn Klonopin I've been so proud of not taking any of this shit since February 1st, the longest I've ever gone with out it in almost ten years. This week I did our taxes and basically went into a crippling self-esteem spiral realizing that I barely make any money at all. (Around $10K, which in the San Francisco area is almost nothing because the COL is so out-of-control high.) Maybe my husband should put me down as a dependent next year? Anyhow, I feel like shit.
On top of this, my husband has been really sick with a recurring health issue, and that always stresses me. I just about lost it last week, felt totally trapped and in despair, so I took some klonopin last Friday and I've been taking it daily since.
I love my job so much (editing for a publication) but I don't make enough money doing it--and I might lose it next year if the funding gets cut. I can't drive; I do leave my apartment occaisionally--I push myself to take the bus and go to a local writing group two to three times a week, mainly to keep myself from being totally isolated, but new situations just give me overpowering anxiety. The damn lamictal has fried my brain to the point that I can't teach anymore because I totally blank out in front of the blackboard when trying to explain basic grammar rules to my English class.
It's like I was feeling fine and riding high for the past month and a half, and now the reality has been unmasked and it's just like....why am I here? What am I contributing to this marriage other than dragging him down? And I basically feel disabled due to not being able to drive in a very auto-centric area and being unable to work a 9-5 job like a normal person. Also, I have a PhD that I don't feel I deserve due to being bullied by my dissertation chair, who really pushed me to write a sub-par dissertation that I'm ashamed of...so I don't even have the self-esteem to put that on my CV.
Sorry for the rant.......I just hate myself so hard right now for backsliding on the benzos. I was so proud of myself for going without them :(
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self.bipolar
|
I need help. I need a new doctor. I feel like I’m just fucking floating out in the middle of nowhere, trying to make sense of myself and my life, getting off a terrible med by myself. I need a pdoc who is trustworthy and intelligent. Not one who throws a ton of meds at me and sees if any stick (I mean, TWO SNRIs?! The first was a DISASTER. Getting off it I almost fucking killed myself. Then another?!)
It’s been too long with this shit. I’m drinking beer at almost 7am after not sleeping all night. I have no direction. I don’t care, I can’t care, but I need to.
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self.bipolar
|
apathy I have just stopped caring about school, grades, whatever. what is the difference between getting a C or an A if I have no future to work towards? it's all a waste of time. i'm a waste of time. honestly, what is the point? I can't do anything. if I could die right now, i would. i'm just apathetic. about everything.
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self.depression
|
I am a hard working man, but I still live at home with my parents. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Alone. 32 years old and realizing that I have to file for divorce.
We have two *amazing* kids.
I can’t do this anymore.
I’m freaking out.
I feel like I can’t breathe.
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self.offmychest
|
Pagliacci: The Original Barefoot Cobbler (x-post r/bipolar) Hi all! I'll be upfront, I'm plugging my own subreddit here. Please delete if inappropriate.
After years of struggling with 'depression' I recently had my first manic episode, followed in quick succession by a number of increasingly worse ones until I ended up hospitalised for my own safety.
This is not a bad thing. I know everyone's mind works differently, but for me, I have *just known* since, well, forever that I had some form of Bipolar Affective Disorder. It may have taken a fortnight of the worst possible scenario to get a proper diagnosis but now that I've got it, it's (touch wood) plain sailing from here. My whole life leading to this point has been one long lesson in coping mechanisms.
Which leads me to the point of this post. I work in the Arts, with a particular focus on comedy and comedy writing. If you'll indulge my ego for a moment, I like to think that all this combined makes me just like my idol - Robin Williams. What a wonderful man, but what a tragic end.
It also reminds me of an old joke, made famous by Watchmen. I'm on mobile so do the work yourselves, google 'Pagliacci joke' if you haven't heard of it before.
Which has led me to this: r/barefootcobblers
I want to build a community, similar to this one but for people across all areas of personality disorders, who are either comics, clowns, jesters and funnymen, or who just agree with the adage that 'laughter is the best medicine'.
The 'sad clown' is a fairly famous archetype, but I think naming it after Pagliacci might be a little too 'niche'. I instead chose to focus on the old saying 'The Cobblers Children go Barefoot'. I.e. Those with specific skills (making people laugh) are the one who benefit the least from them.
This isn't an advertisement for the sub, rather it's me, fairly new to the 'online mental health community', looking for hints, tips and advice for what sort of things people are after when they're looking for these things to joke.
Ideally, id love to end up with a sub that is a mixture of this one, with it's hints, tips and cathartic confessions, combined with r/funny and a (more careful) version of r/2meirl4meirl.
Laughter *is* the best medicine. But who jests for the jesters?
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self.bipolar
|
I’ve gotten rid of pretty much all my bad habits... but one. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Logically, there's no point in me living. Also, what is keeping you alive? [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not sure if hypo or just energized and happy So I’m not sure if I’m hypo right now or if I’m happy and energized. Has anyone else found themselves here?
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self.bipolar
|
Is It Worth Growing Up? I have literally no idea on how to start this.
I am 15 years old, and with all of this AI bullshit, and the earth being raped of its resources, I may not die naturally anyway. I'm overweight and struggling academically and socially in school and have very few friends. I tried to kill myself about a week ago but couldn't go through with it and now I'm having suicidal thoughts again. I dont know
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self.SuicideWatch
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Do you ever feel like you just want to run away sometimes? I get this feeling sometimes where everything just feels like too much and I wanna escape it all by running away. Sometimes I’ll imagine hopping on the bus in the direction of the airport, buying a ticket back to my hometown and never coming back. Or wishing while I’m crossing the street that a car would hit me and put me in the hospital, so I’m not dead but I don’t have to take care of any of my responsibilities. Or, less extremely, I imagine catching a bus downtown to just go wander around somewhere.
Today feels like one of those days, and I can’t just ditch and hide in my room because people are depending on me today. Thanks for reading.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else feeling extra worthless this New Years due to people bragging about their ultra successful years? [deleted]
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self.depression
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People succeeding while your recovering & meds When I was in my early teens through mid college, I never asked for help with depression. After years of struggling alone I finally started to tell people I’m hurting.
Im starting to get better, but I have a huge problem with distorted perceptions due to social media. A lot of people I’ve met seem to be succeeding ( I’m a designer so I know a lot of creatives), and I’m healing...doing “nothing”
I can’t help but feel like people look at me as wasted potential while my peers keep pushing because they don’t have to deal with this or they have developed their coping mechanisms.
And what hurts is when I try to tell a friend that I’m hurting and this is hard I get the “ I too have struggled and you gotta just do it” speech. Even my therapist said something along those lines...I really like her...but I don’t think she understands how serious my issues feel.
I didn’t mean to ramble...it’s a lot going on. In short, it’s hard to see my peers succeeding and I’m struggling forcing myself to do something. I’m trying to tell my therapist I think my depression/anxiety is serious and CBT isn’t working for everything ( grew up in a hoard, uNPD/BPD parent, assaulted, have guilt based OCD tendencies) and I’m not sure what to do....and I’m sick of talking about it once a week and getting told to push harder....
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self.depression
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I just missed my Dartmouth interview I woke up today to get breakfast with an old friend of my older brother, to talk about his addiction and his health, and what he was on and how I could help... I showed up to Perkins ten minutes early and waited for 50 minutes but he never came. So I left, and an hour later he texted me saying sorry and that he overslept... everyone makes mistakes but I was pretty irked because I was excited to learn more about my brother's last 4 years which have been somewhat of a mystery to me. Little did I know this would only be the 3rd worst thing to happen to me today.
I'm seventeen, senior in high school, and applied Early Decision to Dartmouth, which has been my dream school for about a year, when I actually started to look at colleges. I sat down at a coffee shop for my alumni interview today. I was about ten minutes early and waited. 3:00 came, 3:05, 3:10... and I start to wonder where my interviewer is. It's not like an Ivy grad to be late, I think. I check my phone, to look at the email and make sure I have the right time... my interview was on Sunday November 26th, which for some fucking reason I thought was today. I put my phone down and I couldn't think. I couldn't even see straight. I stood out of my chair and tried to take another sip of my coffee but I was in some kind of shock. I failed to drink the coffee and spilled it past my lips onto my shirt. So yea... there goes my chances of getting into Dartmouth. I walked out to my car, stared at the wheel for a second, then punched it a few times and broke down.
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self.offmychest
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My girlfriend has serious depressive episodes with the arrival of winter My girlfriend hates the dark. She doesn't exactly fear it, but she hates it. It makes her sad, sloppy, weak and generally just very difficult to be around. She hates winter, also because it's cold and dark and white outside. With the arrival of daylight savings time, it has only become worse. We now can't functionally go out or spend time together at all without either of us crying, her because winter is here and me because as much as I want to desperately help her, I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm there for her all the time, of course, but nothing seems to work. I just genuinely want her to be happy, regardless of the weather or the season. What do I do?
By the way, sorry if this sub is not the right place for it (I'm not even a long time lurker), I just don't know where else to ask for help.
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self.depression
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Extreme heat sensitivity. I feel like at or above 20 degrees celsius I am in a sauna. Apparently it's a side effect of medication. The pluss, the medication works to stabilise my depression but litterally feel like I'm permanently in a sauna all summer. Does anyone else get this?
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self.bipolar
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I think about that particular day in September a lot. It was the 10th, a Sunday.
I took you to the small, intimate barbecue my coworker threw for a few of us from work, and our significant others. We'd never actually discussed whether we were boyfriend/girlfriend, but you basically were my boyfriend. You came with me to the barbecue when I asked you to.
I was so nervous, I had to drink a little before we showed up. I had never, ever taken someone I was dating to hang out with friends before. I was so happy getting to "show you off." I was so happy getting to see two parts of my world collide. It was kinda crazy to me -- all the people I had told you stories about, you were finally getting to meet. There you were, mingling with everyone else and their significant others, just as if you were my significant other too, even though we'd never really talked about "what we were."
You're no longer in my life now, but I still think about that day a lot. I was absolutely over the moon that day. Happiness came so freely to me that day, I was overflowing with serotonin that day.
I miss you.
I'm sorry I ruined things with my insecurities. I wish I could go back and fix everything, but it's too late. I wish I'd understood back then how much you actually cared about me.
I daydream about you coming back into my life after I've finished working on myself. I know I shouldn't, and that I should respect your decision to move on from me. I'm sorry, I really can't help it.
EDIT: small adjustment to a sentence
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self.offmychest
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Burnout First off all, I’m a health care professional. I deal with all sorts of people daily. Lately my work has been getting to me. I feel overwhelmed constantly, devalued, unappreciated. I feel guilty because I’m not helping as well as I could be. My heart is racing so fast as I think about how I just called in to work sick, and let my team down. I’m sleep deprived, nauseas and alone. I feel so awful. I wanted to be someone who is reliable, professional and well adjusted but it turns out I’m not. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’m becoming the burnt out health care worker I was researching while in school. I’m becoming the rushed, agitated, off putting health care worker I’ve seen in my own cities hospital dozens of times. I want out. So badly.
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self.Anxiety
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I can't focus on my report and my deadline is in 10 hours Over the past week, I've been feeling restless and bored. I'm ashamed to say that it took me way too long to realize that the reason why I felt 'bored' was because I was feeling numb and couldn't experience much emotion.
I can't focus on doing anything right now, and I'm not even feeling much stress and anxiety even though my deadline is due in less than 10 hours and it's literally 3am here.
I'm trying to crap out work but I'm so mentally drained and exhausted; I barely have the capacity to feel anything. I didn't even feel panic when my driver started using his phone on the road and started swerving.
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self.depression
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Not sure what to write on my suicide note... I want to leave something behind, but not sure what to say on it. :( I'm a male and crying, trying to write something on it. Seriously how embarrassing and pathetic can I be?
I've planned my suicide, so that is all sorted out. I'd appreciate some advice on what to write...
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self.depression
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I feel trapped, like I’m going no where Everyday I hope something is different. I’ve had depression for 2 1/2 years. Despite that, I do try to talk to people, which makes me feel like I’m not “worthy” of being depressed. I have a decent home life. My mom is kind, but can be naggy and has recurring mental health bouts that last for about 2 weeks roughly every three months. It’s best described as the most intense form of anxiety; everything can be a problem during those spells. My dad is a kind, loving man, yet has explosive anger issues, though he has calmed down a little. We moved from possibly the best place in America, to a hell hole in the south. I have friends, but they all feel so temporary and superficial. I don’t really fit into a category at my High School. I’m clumsy and awkward. I tried to kill myself once, but I was so distressed I didn’t even know what I was doing wouldn’t kill me. I zone out a lot and often think about killing myself and killing others, which scares me. I have developed some nasty twitches in the past year. I don’t know how to talk to girls; I set myself up for being a creep or being friend zoned. When I cut myself, I feel great for the rest of the day. I can feel happy sometimes, but this never lasts long, and the demon of depression still lurks in the corner. I could go on, but this is the major stuff. Please comment any suggestions, and thanks for the time and support.
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self.depression
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The future is daunting. Even just hours in the future. And the Fuckin Holidays, man. (Rant) I just got my schedule for next month for work. Then the social Holiday party invites. Then my Spiritual Community expectations. Then the week with the family out of town for the Holiday.
And it’s all frightening. Even the thought of going home tonight is frightening because my SO is working the odd shift.
I’m literally living my life one moment at a time right now.
I’ve decided to only go to one Holiday party. My sister’s, because it’s close to home and I can leave whenever and everyone will understand.
I’ll attend one district meeting for the Spiritual community but I will only participate in the traditional ceremony and not take on additional responsibilities.
There’s nothing I can do about work. I have to work. But if I feel I need to leave the family early, I’ll do it and try not to think about how I’ve hurt my mother’s feelings.
I’m just trying to work all this out. Because thinking about it all at once is making me panic.
This is how we do things, folks. This is how we try and function in the “normal” society. We limit what we know we can handle. And I’m still not sure what I can handle.
I still have no idea what is going to set me off into a panicked state that always leads to long periods of depression.
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self.depression
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anyone have any experience with dissociation while traveling? Some back story: A month into a long awaited semester abroad in Ireland in 2015 I had my first episode of what I have think was a sort of dissociation/derealization.
How it started was I was at the pub with an old friend I met up with and I suddenly was overcome with a sensation of being extremely uneasy and could no longer really hear what my friend was saying, the feeling of being grounded where we stood and talked in a pub together was completely gone and I felt like I had gone somewhere else mentally. This launched into a full blown panic attack, immediate gastrointestinal issues, and my departure from the pub about 10 minutes later. I thought I was just sick, and that the sudden intense anxiety and feeling of unreality was related to that.
However, the feeling of great unease and dreamy unreality persisted for much of my time abroad. It wasn't as though I felt unsafe, or was worried about anything in particular. I hadn't even been homesick. I went on a number of trips to different countries with people I had met from the university and even some friends from back home who came to visit, but it was very difficult for me to find any enjoyment in it while in such a bad mental state. I thought I was just homesick and hadn't realized it, but my parents came to visit me at one point, and I had another bout of that unreal feeling, which led to a massive panic attack about the lack of reality feeling in a restaurant while sitting with my parents. Their presence made no difference in my feelings.
I thought that when I came home from being abroad the feeling would be gone, but it persisted. It persisted for another 7 months after I got home, when I began taking medication for anxiety. I was able to return to Europe twice without having any anxiety-related issues while on a high dosage of anti-anxiety medication and pills to take if I felt a panic attack coming on and needed immediate relief from it - but the enjoyment factor was hindered by the medications, I felt dulled. Ultimately, I don't like being on medication. I've tried 5 different medications through two bouts of being on medication (ages 16-17 and 21-22) and found the side effects too harmful and it was either my anxiety was bad or my depression was bad, there was no relief for both.
I'm wondering, I guess, if anyone else has felt this way - and if anyone had any advice, from personal experience or otherwise? I'm planning another trip soon and I feel like I really have to be proactive about my anxiety before booking. Thank you for reading.
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self.Anxiety
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