text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
has anyone here ever tried to overdose on non-prescription drugs? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
"You know what your doing. Why are you acting all emo again? I thought we were past that?" I wish I was past this. So bad. But um, I'll be part of the past soon don't worry.
|
self.depression
|
punched myself in the head too much and have a headache [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
College is a bit too much for me (X-Post from r/selfhelp) I don't know how to even start this. I can't find an on campus job, my parent wants me to find one instead of a possibly better option of working online, I have no friends irl anymore, I'm struggling with my sexuality and religion, I don't know how to stop hating myself and I don't know what I'm supposed to do first.
I don't know. This is probably something everyone goes through so I guess it doesn't matter.
|
self.depression
|
I went outside after a while I was sitting on a bench near a river, looking into the distance. When suddenly a cat came and started to purr at me. I felt special, I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt happy...
|
self.depression
|
I am so fucking suicidal and I just need to rant because no one cares! My life is such a cliché it makes me want to die even more. I’m in high school, I’m moderately high functioning, I have friends, and I’ve been going through the most crippling depression for the last year for no reason. None of my friends actually care that I’m depressed or get what it’s like. Everyday I wake up and it’s like there’s literally something gnawing at my chest. It hurts so badly and I want it to stop. I always think that I could never kill myself, but some of the stuff I’ve been doing is so unhealthy and like logically I know it is but sometimes I after I go into my depressive episodes I can’t remember what happened after and it makes it really hard for me to care. The other day I had a full blown tears, hyper ventilation, hands numb panic attack (not for any specific reason just because I hate my life ;)) in our school bathroom during passing time and just went back to class like nothing happened. I actually feel like I’m going crazy and I think about ways to kill myself everyday. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it anymore. I’ve already started to reconcile it. My aspirations are too high for my level of motivation and I’d really rather die now than see myself disappoint everyone around me because of my depression! Or worse! Not have the ability to achieve any of it to begin with and just be using my depression as an excuse and fall into every trope imaginable! Yes I know how melodramatic this all sounds and I hate myself even more for it! Idk. I wish I could be better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Stressed and depressed Ok so my college just recently had a strike and I’ve been out of it for 5 weeks. I barely did my course materials because I don’t learn well alone. So since we’re going back this week I’m very stressed out and panicking and just really depressed about it. I feel like dying I feel like I don’t want to live or do much anymore. God I went back to college because I wanted a better life. But the strike happens for 5 weeks long and I’m just really out of it. I’m so tired I’m so sad. I wish I could just pass with a 50% I’m not aiming for high marks anymore. I’m so scared ...
|
self.depression
|
Hopeless I’m 23 years old and I feel like I am never going to find my purpose in life. I find myself telling other people going through a tough time in their lives that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Where’s my light?
|
self.depression
|
Methods of calming down Hey, I'm new here. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I've been in a relationship for a little over a year and a half and have trust issues with my boyfriend. A lot of these issues stem from being abandoned in past relationships and others from his actions. I am very newly an axious person and the other day had my first panic attack (vomiting, etc). Ever since then I haven't been the same. I am significantly more anxious than normal. What are your words of wisdom for someone just learning about their anxiety? Your experience with anti anxiety medication? Your book recommendations? Your calming methods? Do you keep journals?
*I know the advice I'm seeking regarding my case does not replace medical advice. I'm working on it. Just looking for a friend in this lonely time.*
|
self.Anxiety
|
I screwed up and realized my worth, but at the same time, I realized how much I self destruct. Recently I got together with my long time on and off close guy friend from high school. We hadn't talked in over half a year because I blocked him due to the fact that I felt he was constantly leading me on. A couple of months ago he found a way to reach out to me and I ended up calling him and we met up. I ended up kissing him, which is not my nature because I would like to wait till marriage to do anything sexual. Kissing is not too much of a big deal for me but it is something special. I began talking to him again and we would hang out and kiss. I had an emotional breakdown in front of him at one point and that is when I realized that I really liked him. I decided it was time for us to have a talk about where our relationship was going because I had many boundaries and he had many expectations that crossed those boundaries. I finally had a talk with him where he didn't take me very seriously and constantly made jokes about sex and how that's what he wanted from me, till I realized he wasn't merely joking, the things he said had a lot of truth to them. I felt very stupid for being so oblivious to the fact that this man that I have known since high school was such a dirt bag. I ended up leaving his car mid conversation because he wasn't taking me seriously and we haven't really talked since. The following day I felt so liberated. I never felt so happy in my entire life. I realized that I deserved much better but the issue is, I never seem to give that to myself. Despite feeling pretty great about my crappy fling ending, I feel like a part of me is upset. I always end up grieving over people who didn't really try with me and for some reason I don't care this time. For some reason, I want him to see what he missed out on. I know he and I are on different wavelengths, I understand that. I just feel like he lost someone who could've given him real love and care, someone who would've fed his mind. He and I clicked, we had nothing in common but we clicked. He has never been involved with a girl like me, someone willing to feed his soul instead of his body. Sometimes he would make fun of me, call me a "12 year old girl" because my idea of a relationship doesn't include sex. I feel like nobody will date me because of this matter, though I know I'm beautiful and hold many admirable characteristics. I feel like this is all buzzing in my head and bringing me down. The fact that I am so underappreciated at times. I do it to myself. I wish I could stop.
Thanks for reading this.
|
self.depression
|
(30/M) Advice on self confidence and how to rid nice guy syndrome. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anyone ever give their panic what it wants? For a long time hard exercise was my escape. Then, little by little I started having more and more panic related to my elevated heart rate. I still kept exercising but kept my heart rate down for fear of panic.
Recently, I've started running pretty hard again. It still stirs up feelings of panic, particularly when I'm done and notice I'm hot, sweaty and my heart is pounding. That feels like panic and makes me panic and that's uncomfortable.
However, since I know that I'll stop feeling hot and sweaty and my heart will slow in about 10 minutes the panic subsides fairly quickly. This got me thinking, can I just go run when I have a panic attack?
Has anyone ever felt a panic attack coming and just decided to go run, or cycle, or something really strenuous to give the body the flight that it wants?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know what's wrong with me. What should I do? I don't know why anyone would love me. I don't even like myself. I was having an emotional breakdown about something earlier and my boyfriend tried calming me down. He tried holding/hugging me but I told him to get away from me and said that he doesn't love me and that he's only with me until he finds someone else. He grabbed me and told me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me and that I'm his heart. I continued tried to push him off of me but he just kept holding me tighter. He led me to the bedroom and we laid on the bed and he held me until I fell asleep. When I got up he asked me if I was okay and I told him yes. He asked are you sure and I got annoyed and screamed yes at him.
Why am I the way that I am?
|
self.depression
|
Question: Is there a federal program to help with your co-pay if you have insurance but are low income? I heard there is. I have insurance through my employer, but I'm still low income -- I make under 20k a year -- and live in an expensive city.
I have a hospital bill for $600, which is a lot for me.
Is it true there is such a program?
|
self.bipolar
|
Please help me I'm so tired of repeating my story. I'm fucking exhausted. I attempted for help and I want all of you to know I tried to receive it. I went to a mental hospital. I reached out to countless people which there is an unfortunate truth behind. I actively see a therapist. None of it is enough. I'm sorry for the formatting issue, I don't know what to do anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
does anyone else feel really calm after a panic attack? Whenever I have panic attacks afterwards I always feel this sense of peace and exhaustion. It's kind of like a pleasant apathy and almost blissful state.
I'm just wondering if anyone else feels like this? It's just a juxtaposition to the feelings during the panic attack.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today two years ago was the last time I had sex [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
A question about Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Just something that’s been bothering me lately. I’m doing well in my recovery from the disorder, but one thing that’s getting to me is that my anxiety seems to come on randomly, often without an obvious trigger and then doesn’t necessarily leave for a couple days. Is this part of the condition? For example some times I just wake up and my minds racing or I’m over thinking things.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why do I have to be so fucking sad all the time [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Struggling I never imagined I would be making a post here. However, my partner committed suicide 18 days ago and I feel completely lost and alone. I try to surround myself with people, but that does little for me. Everything is a labor and I see no joy in sight. My partner was everything to me...
So I'm going to bereavement groups, individual therapy, and talking openly with people...but nothing seems to help. I do not see the value of sticking around, but I know from life's little lessons that time always helps with that...at least except in the case for my partner. What I don't want is to bear this pain just to do it later. While I can bear the pain, I'm not sure i want to. Yet I'm not interested in killing myself if I can't be with them and I have no way to be certain of any of this.
I dont need to hear it gets easier...cause who knows if that's true for me and even if it is, the hope that it will does little for me. I suppose I just needed to vent. Of course I'm looking for answers, but I dont think they exist outside of me. While I am unsure how things will turn out, I know one thing for certain, I'm scared.
I'm scared to be without my partner, to never see, touch, or hold them again. I'm scared of never finding my way back to myself. I'm scared to live and I'm scared to die. It's the worst place I've ever been in my life.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Insomnia: what do you do in the wee hours? Well if you can't go outside and you live in a tiny apt and don't want to disturb your sleeping SO...
I'm trying to figure out a wind down mindless activity that doesn't involve screens or bright light which can throw off my circadian rhythm even more. Some hours of the night it's not a great idea to go for a walk, or the weather is bad. I'm too hyper to meditate, I am trying to think of a quiet activity. I don't knit or crochet or anything...That sounds like once you get past the frustration part of learning it that it's pretty calming.
What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night to wind down?
Edit: oh I know what's going on, I need to organize/plan some things, which is why I'm restless, ergh. It requires screens.
|
self.bipolar
|
Homeless Have you ever met someone & felt like you’ve known them your whole life?
Where their smile carries a little bit of your heart in it?
Where in their arms is the only place you belong?
Well this was me 2 years ago.
The strange thing is that I had thought I’d known love, but meeting him showed me that I really didn’t. I also thought I knew heartbreak, but again he showed me that I really didn’t.
He was a home for my heart. A home for my love. A home for my soul. Then suddenly & without warning, he evicted my heart & left me out in the cold.
It has since been a long ass battle in which I’ve had to fight to reach some semblance of ok-ness but even now 2 years later it still hurts like a mofo.
I find it so shocking that one person can have such a long-lasting effect on you. I mean I’ve all but given up on love, which is sad because I’m quite the romantic.
Anyway, I guess I’m writing this here because:
A. My friends all think I’m over it now (which I convinced them of) & I don’t want to worry them.
B. I have to find some way to express how I’m feeling because the overthinking can get a bit much at times &
C. To let anyone else out there who might be going through what I’m going through know that they are not alone in what they are going through.
I actually started to realize how melodramatic all this sounds, but it really is how I feel.
|
self.offmychest
|
I honestly don’t feel anything anymore. Okay to start off, I apologize for formatting I’m on mobile. I’m on probation until I’m 31. The probation is for a sex offense, but before you jump off the deep end at me like everyone else, I turned 18 while dating a girl and her parents called the authorities. I’m honestly just giving up. I’ve always struggled with depression, and recently it’s not even hurting me anymore. I’ve just become acclimated to it. I first tried killing myself when I was about 12, when my mother found me hanging from an extension cord in my closet. I’ve tried a handful of times, one of which resulted in a long hospital stay and over 25 stitches. I can’t deal with being on probation, I can’t deal with feeling so alone. I’m a senior in university and I’m not even supposed to use the internet off campus. I don’t want to kill myself, I want so badly to have some glimmer of hope on the horizon but that light faded a long time ago. I’ve had to give up my dreams, my future. All of my friends have moved away, and they get a hold of me every so often and say when you’re off probation we should do THIS. I don’t have the heart to tell them I don’t think I’ll make it that long. I can’t even think straight right now. I’ve cried myself to sleep for such a long time that it doesn’t even feel pathetic anymore. It hurts me to wake up and see the scars I have from when I found out the girl I got in all this trouble for was cheating on me anyways. I have a girlfriend now, who doesn’t seem to give a fuck about any of these feelings and makes me feel even worse than any of this has. I just want a reason to fucking live and for the life of me I can’t find one. I’m going to cut this short here, and I’m sorry for the wall of text I feel like this will be, but if I don’t find some god damn reason to keep fucking trying I’m gonna throw myself off my apartments roof.
Edit: 14 hours later and not a single comment. Pretty garbage that I’m hated on the one sub I figured that wouldn’t be the case.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m suddenly weak. Alone. Not lonely. I’m isolated. I don’t have anyone. Alone. No family, no friends. I sabotaged it all, and ran. What’s the point in being here? I never consider suicide because I know it’s just that I feel bad because things are hurting me.
This is different. I’m not lonely. I’m alone.
If people who distanced themselves from me saw this, they’d know that I deserved it. That’s why they don’t want to know me.
My own actions. Not anyone else’s fault. I could have a lot of friends to rely upon. I really could. I got so many chances.
______
An analysis— just for myself.
The past: Can’t sleep. Eat. Function. I cried yesterday just because I had to twist the taps to get water. Alcohol.
The present: Time goes by too fast. I’m wasting time. Confused about my obligations, not sure how to do anything. Not sure what I should be doing. Just that this isn’t what I should be doing.
The future: Nothing to live for. Failure. No hope. Nothing. Frightening.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Feel like if I let myself cry I’ll do something drastic by the end of the night I have a lot pent up. Covered it with drugs for the past year. But I’m withdrawing, and it’s all itching to come out.
And I’m tired of people saying they care and taking full days to open my text and not replying once they finally do. People know this. They know I’m suicidal. They say they care, do nothing about it, and leave me to my own devices. When I let myself slip into it again, I’m not gonna be there to save me, and everyone else has already abandoned me.
All I can do is get strangers on the internet to tell me not to. But everyone’s a stranger til I open up to them. All but one person I’ve opened up to has left me to die, and the one that hasn’t compeletly cut me out of her life is the one that never fucking replies.
I just wonder what I’m waiting for. I’ve been depressed for 9 years, that’s almost half my life. I had one good year, 2014, and the next three were increasingly abysmal, masked by chronic drinking and then drug abuse and now drinking again. Shoulda done it when I was happy.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Nobody understand is not my fault I have a disorder called adhd and that's why I talk too much, also i'm pretty annoying with the questions i feel so bad right now, this is something i can't control, my parents think i'm crazy cause my hiperactivity (they don't believe i have adhd)
I just want to sleep and never wake up. :(
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else feel like the only way to make everything right is to end it?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Received good news, but I actually feel worse This is just me venting, I don't really expect anyone to respond. Just a virtual ear for me to whine into is more than enough.
I'm a 22 year old jobless girl. Laid off last month. I recently played with the idea of joining the Air Force to do something different with my life and have the option to go to college for free/almost free once my 4 year active duty term is up.
I was excited about joining until I came across some info online stating I could possibly be permanently ineligible to join any branch due to a previous bout with cancer. I had one surgery to remove a small tumor and that was it. I went crazy trying to get in touch with recruiters over the phone, but no one answered. I went into the darkest pit of depression I'd ever been in. I was ready to give up. That raging fire of excitement was extinguished and stomped into smoldering ashes.
I isolated myself from my friends for over a week, not logging into facebook at all. Now this will sound absolutely petty and childish but...I was a little hurt that none of them felt the need to call or text me, or maybe even stop by my house since most live less than 5 miles away. They really just don't give a shit if I'm offline long enough.
I returned to facebook today and no one still gave a shit. I had to reach out to them and say hey just to get their attention. They noticed I was gone, but didn't really care one way or the other. I realized at that moment, if I ever did go through with my plans, I really wouldn't be missed. At all.
Today, I finally got in touch with a recruiter, and he confidently told me I'm not permanently disqualified, but I do have to jump through a few hoops to prove I'm healthy and fit enough to join. I should've been excited, but I felt nothing but shame.
I'm ashamed that I expected to hear him say "I'm sorry, but any cancer history is strictly banned due to the increased likelihood of recurrence, and we can't take that risk in times of war" or something like that. Ashamed that I was going to take those words and use them as an excuse to finally give up and check out of life. I was fully prepared to do just that.
Now that my future is actually bright again, I have to dig myself out of this rut quickly and get back on track with my ASVAB test prep and exercise. Right now, it just seems like a chore with my current mindset. But I'm sure that'll change as I continue watching more youtube videos about the "Chair Force" life lol. That always makes me laugh for some reason. I always imagine a gaggle of chairs soaring through the sky in unison, carrying airmen in their dress blues.
Thanks for reading, even if ya skimmed through it all in 0.02 seconds. Posting here just makes me feel so much better sometimes. I feel safe to say whatever bullshit is on my mind at the moment, without having to make things awkward with someone I know. You all are good people.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My soon to be suicide note. If your reading this then it means I'm dead. I've lived a hard life. Ever since I found out who I was, I've been in a constant state of depression. This is who I am, I'm an 18 year old boy named John doe, a name I hate it, because it reminds me of my father and what I'm afraid I'll become. I also have severe trust issues, which means I can't have any sort of relationship with anyone because I'm afraid there gonna leave me. I felt I derived this feeling from the abandonment of my mother and my father constantly going in and out of jail, even after him saying he'll change and he won't leave again. Ever since these events happened, I've lost the feeling of a family love, I honestly don't remember what love feels like or to be loved. How does one want to be a father and not be there for his son. He abandon me for 2 weeks while he hid from the cops, I was about 14 i think at the time. A father abandons his son for 2 weeks to hid, like what the fuck is with that. I could also constantly hear him and his gf fight and hear him beat the shit out her over and over again. While I hid in my room scared. One of my earliest memory of my father was him waking me up in the middle of the night, because for what I assume, he got into a fight with his mother and wanted to leave so he took his toddler son half way across town in the middle of the night to his GF. Now about my mother who abandon me when I was 5. There's not much to say actually, only she has 3 kids and only talks to the one and that's not me. It's not like she doesn't know who I am, it's just that she doesn't care. Fast forward to now, I live with my grandmother who says that she should've left me and my father on the streets instead of taking us in. I have no contact with my mother or father or siblings. I'm in school I have no friends anymore because of the recent break up with my gf. I just want to let everyone know honestly it's no one's fault why I did this, it's just I'm tired of living. I'm tired of waking up miserable and going to bed miserable. I'm tired of being me, I want something different for my life but I'm afraid it's not gonna happen ever.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is it possible to fake depression? Sometimes I find depression really tempting to climb into. I used to romanticize it and for a while I fell into it. Occasionally I still feel depressed but I don't know if I fake it, because normally I feel alright.
Usually when people are depressed, they want to do everything they can to climb out of the pit. I want to jump into it. I feel like it's easier to feel depressed than to feel confused, because at least I can have a form of certainty. I can adopt everything I've read about it, and allow myself to fall into it. I can withdraw from people and be sad all the time and sleep and refuse to eat.
This isn't right, at all. It's insane to want depression. I know that it's incredibly disrespectful, that people would yell at me if they really knew. I'm fully acknowledging that what I'm feeling isn't right.
But sometimes I really am sad. I just don't know if I'm exaggerating it, or faking it, or whatever I'm doing. Is it possible to fake depression? Am I just denying what I'm feeling?
|
self.depression
|
Depressed (ex) SO ended relationship... says he needs to be completely alone to stay sane. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Insomnia night soapbox Im on the bus heading to work. Im slightly tired as i only slept three hours last night. Maybe three hours the night before. My meds make me drowsy, i just cant sleep. I try to avoid reddit, internet because i just go straight to porn, and so i just read....journal...pace. im more prone to self harm after a few sleepless nights and i can already feel the burning desire to go home to pick than be at work.
How do you deal with your insomnia nights? Any ideas or tips?
|
self.bipolar
|
SO has depression and basically everything I do is wrong Does anyone know of any resources for support people of people with depression?
Since 2015 when work stress caused sort of a breakdown for him, husband has been struggling with depression. In the last year he went through 8 months of DBT and saw his therapist twice a week. He's been on every antidepressant on the market and has been on the current two for about the last 8 months.
I don't know what else to do. My life is miserable because he is always angry and "nothing ever goes right" for him. I can't enjoy anything of my own because he'll pick fights with me and blame me for not spending time with him. Or I'm not there for him enough. Or I'm not talking to him in the right way or asking the right questions or listening well enough. Or I'm suffocating him or drawing too much attention to how he feels or not just letting him have his emotions. He never leaves the house and has no interest in things he used to do for fun. It's just one explosion after another usually directed at me.
His depression is killing me and I don't know what to do.
|
self.depression
|
I think that I'm not depressed but when i get to the night i start to think that im depressed [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Rest Easy. Earlier, there was a post with this girl in it that was being raped by her former “friend (s)”. She hasn’t been active since she had orally taken a couple pills, most likely causing an overdose.As someone who’s been in a similar situation and knows how much shit like that hurts, it really hit me. Just earlier I was talking to her while I was in my English class. :( Rest easy. I didn’t know anything about you at all, but this still hits me. If anyone knows any information on this, please notify me. Other than that, Rest easy soldier. I just hope you can really Rest In Peace. You will always be remembered by me. 💔
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Morning anxiety getting out of control... The title basically says it all. I'm a 39 year old male who suddenly has massive anxiety in the morning, gradually dissipating until I feel normal in the early afternoon. In the mornings I fidget, worry, tremble, feel sad, and even dry heave at times. I am a teacher, and the anxiety makes it very difficult for me to focus on the task at hand. I have always been a bit on the jittery end of the spectrum, but this is a whole new ballgame. I am married with 2 kids and I'm worried that this is changing things for my wife and family (though they are very supportive). I'm a wreck. Dr. Gave me busparizone but said it won't work for a couple of weeks. Does anyone have any experience with this, or advice for me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just can't stand the hate anymore... Everday I wake up, I start the browse the internet. I see news pages filled with hate. Hate against refugees, hate against PoC, queer people, woman, man. Call me a masochist for still going online everyday to see hate-induced news everywhere. I know there are people out there fighting for what's good and right and I thank them by my heart.
Sometimes I start to cry, when I think about hate. What is it, that people like to hate some group of *something*? Why does seem to be in the nature of human kind to demean people because of their gender or sexuality or anything like that? I'm just tired of living in a world where hate is everywhere..
Sorry for my rant and my bad grammer, English is not my main language.
|
self.offmychest
|
Pills Can 6400 mg of ibuprofen kill a 15 year old girl?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Me and a friend are in a sort of dating stalemate right now. Right now, me and a friend are in a really weird place in our relationship. It’s sort of in between us being friends and us being a couple.
We do stuff together and ride home from work together a lot and we’ve even gone on a “date” once (we went out to get cookies and talked a lot about our interests and stuff. Basically a date without the romance.). We even found each other on tinder and stay up all night sending pictures of animals and talking about our favorite shows and stuff.
It’s almost like we’re right on the edge of being a couple but I’m too scared to ask them out of fear of making things weird between us. I’ve got a very strong suspicion that she feels the same way but that uncertainty is probably what’s keeping us from dating.
It’s not really a good or bad thing. I just needed to write it down and hear other people’s advice on how I should handle this.
|
self.offmychest
|
Is throwing up from Anxiety a panic attack? Anytime I'm doing something that I'm nervous about later in the day, I will get sick and throw up in the morning without fail. It's extremely hard to take my pills in the morning when I feel like this because swallowing anything for sure makes me throw up.
Worst part is, the pills stop the nasuea.
I have actual panic attacks every couple days, if you've had them you know what they feel like, but I'm not sure what the morning ones are called. Are they panic attacks, or just anxiety induced nasuea? I'm mostly just curious.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Merry Christmas Well I’m finally growing up. Alone this Christmas. Family in different countries, fighting with some of them. Friends are more of acquaintances. Relationships fcked over, cheating on a guy who’s treating me great. I haven’t talked to someone in a while. I won’t yet until new year. And whether that’s a real conversation, who knows?
|
self.depression
|
Anyone just so fucking tired of trying? Tired of constantly fighting all the negative thoughts and suicidal urges. Tired of trying to get better only to feel the same or become even worse.
I'm just so exhausted of trying to live. I've lost motivation and passion about anything and everyone.
The will to live is gone, and I can't find the motivation to try anymore.
I'm so fucking tired of being tired.
I don't think I will make it another 5 years.
|
self.depression
|
I'm feeling a million times better now than I was this time last year I like to leave comment replies in this comments in this Subreddit but I don't Submit Text Posts here much. I thought I should write about how I'm doing since I feel like a great success story. Since it's the beginning of 2018, I'll reflect on 2017 as compared to 2016.
I've been seeing a therapist which has been helpful. I've been more thorough about my negative symptoms to my psychiatrist which has allowed me to feel really great about the medicines I'm prescribed.
2017 was better than 2016 for me in every way. I found a new job. I made a ton of new friends. I've taken tons more photos. I've threw several more parties this year with many more guests attending. I traveled three times in 2017, which is a lot for me. I attended way more fun events in 2017 than in 2016. I volunteered more. I ate better. I went to bed much earlier and woke up much earlier. I got many more chores done. I did a lot more reading. I've taken better care of my friends and family. I'm eating much healthier. My body looks way better. I've been going on more dates and more "successful" dates. I'm wasting way less money. I clean the place where I'm living way more.
I played computer games and watched TV and read the news (including Reddit) way less. Anything that doesn't feel like it's helping me take good care of myself is a distraction, and distractions were like poison to my depressed self.
I went from wanting to die to thinking life is pointless to loving life and wanting to take great care of myself every minute of it. I'm spending way more time doing things instead of thinking to myself about things.
Hope this helps! Good luck. Rooting for everyone on here.
|
self.depression
|
Think I might have some level of depression. How should I talk to my doctor about it? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I feel so lonely in classes I don't fit in with the cool kids nor do I want to. I can't stand them always gossiping and criticising everything. It's so draining being around them especially miss 'i need to be the center of attention at all times'. Unfortunately I can't switch seats or I would have already done so. I know they talk about me when I'm not there (I heard them saying my name) and I've seen the looks they give each other just because I talk with outsiders. I have no need for friends like that. I don't need their nose all up in my business. Only a few months left before we part ways forever thank you.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm so tired of low effort text messages. I don't understand why people think that using words like "Oh", "Cool", or "Same" suffice for an actual constructive sentence. I may be only 23, but I'm too old for that shit. It's even worse if you respond with a few words when you texted me first. Texting me first obviously means that you wanted to talk, so you don't have the luxury of being dry. Hell, I'm the introvert here, so if anything I should be the person sending one word messages, but I don't because I value actual substance. If you don't wanna talk, then don't talk. It's not rocket science, but one-wording me will signify the end of our conversation. Point blank.
I'm tired of trying to be engaging with people when all I'm rewarded with is shallowness.
|
self.offmychest
|
I had the worst christmas in my life I made all of the dinner by myself. Nobody said at least thank you. I was so tired that I started to cry in my room while my family was getting drunk and played board games. I felt so lonely and empty. I called my boyfriend and he didnt answer.
I got up and started to fake a smile, went outside.
I felt terrible. I told everyone that I was very drunk and that I needed to sleep. I came back to my room and started to cry. I fell asleep. I woke up. I'm still crying.
I want to keep living but not like this.
|
self.depression
|
My GF has depression? So she has depression. And just gets sad/quite/upset at times. Its gets difficult cause the last time was over the weekend when we were going to go out with friends and I asked what she wanted to do and she wouldn't tell me. After like 30 minutes she finally told me she doesn't know what she wants to do tonight and nothing sounds good. This was super annoying cause my friends are upstairs having a good time and getting ready to go out and I wanted to go out too, with her. She was gonna go home and get ready but said she didnt want to go home alone and get ready. I was trying to be extremely patience and give her other options on what we can do like, stay at her place, stay at my place, go out with with friends, go out alone, go out with different friends. But she wouldnt respond and tell me anything. What am I suppose to do with that? We literally stood their and she wouldnt say anything. She finally started crying and then dropped "I still think about killing myself". Which I didnt react in the best way, I pretty much changed the subject but idk how to deal with that. Im not a super emotional person and I didnt know what to say to that.
Not really sure what im asking, maybe just venting, but idk how to deal with depression.
|
self.depression
|
im pretty sure no one will remember my birthday this year [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Does Diagnosis Help? I've wondered for several years if I have anxiety. If I do it is by no means severe and I've never felt that it affected my life enough to seek any sort of professional help. But I've always been far more stressed out by things than most of the people around me are. Making decisions, in particular, has always led me to self-doubt and a bit of obsession. I have a pretty intense major and this semester particularly has put me in a worse than usual place. I guess I was just wondering if people in my situation feel like seeking a diagnosis has actually helped them.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Experience with Buspar/ Buspirone... How long until it kicked in? My psychiatrist recently added Buspar to my medication regime to help with my anxiety and depression. However, having a bit of a hard time lately and just wondering how long it took other people before they started to feel it's effects.
Started for a week with 5mg twice daily, currently on 10mg twice daily, but dosage goes up again in another week.
|
self.depression
|
I tried once now I’m staring at the window thinking of finishing what i started [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Today marked 6 weeks since you suddenly decided I wasn't good enough for you. I come on here and write posts and make comments about you nearly everyday, because I feel like I should be over it by now. I've pretty much stopped talking to friends about you, besides like 1-2 people. I don't want to annoy my friends anymore. So I come on here to vent, I come on here to find comfort. I enjoy bonding with others over the same pain.
I'm okay now. I'm still sad, but I also feel okay too. It doesn't feel horrible anymore, but you're still on my mind all the damn time. I still hope that you'll come back, all the damn time.
Truthfully, I don't think that hope is something I'll ever let go of, until I meet someone else. I will never stop caring, until I meet someone else. That's probably the only thing that will allow me to let go within a reasonable amount of time.
And if I don't meet someone else, which I am purposely not allowing myself to do for awhile, I know I will be clinging onto hope for a very, very long time.
It's 2:40am and I know you're probably fast asleep. I hope you have a beautiful day tomorrow, it'll be your last day of being 28. :) Don't think that I've forgotten that your birthday is this week. Goodnight, and I hope you still think of me from time to time. I hope that you'll come back someday soon.
|
self.offmychest
|
Blah, having trouble losing weight on Abilify. Love my sanity, hate the weight :( I started taking it in the morning recently and I've been hungry the last few days. Plus I'm tired. Gonna go back to night use but take it literally before I go to bed from now on, hopefully that fixes things and I can lose weight again.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anxiety is creeping in to my dreams (long story) First off apologies for spelling or grammar I'm on my phone so I probably won't be scrolling back through, I'll attempt to though.
I had depression for a number of years but thankfully for me my cure was gaming, my depression faded away over time but it came at a cost, anxiety. I have had it for quite some time and it's only gotten worse. I'm not on medication for it, I wanted to be able to fight this on my own without the need for medication, after years of battling it's begun to gain ground.
Recently it has been creeping into my dreams, with their being no escape in sight I'm considering that medication now. On to my dreams. Both are very much related because they stem to my fear of change, I don't handle change well and I think maybe I needed these dreams to happen. I'm not an emotional person, in fact I have not cried in many years, the last time I did was when I visited my grandmother in hospital in 2012.
I have to tell you the story because it won't make sense so if you cry easily get those tissues ready.
I went to see my grandmother one day in hospital, she was in because they found she had fluid on her lungs, that's what I was told anyway. This was the beginning of her retirement. Nan was constantly in and out of hospital and on one occasion they gave her medication she didn't need to be on which was the result of her losing her memory. I had gone to visit her, I remember walking into her room and she was annoyed I took so long to come see her only she thought I was a nurse responding to her calls for the bathroom. I reminded her I was her grandson, only she said she didn't know she had a grandson, when the nurses arrived to assist her to the toilet I stepped out to respect her dignity and a woman who was either with a friend or visiting a relative was standing outside the room next to my nana's
Struggling to contain the tears she stepped in closer and spoke quietly, she asked if I was okay I straightened up and said yes I'm fine but she knew I wasn't, the woman stepped in and rubbed my arm in comfort and as she said the words "I know it's hard love" I burst into tears.
I dreamt last night the same memory, the only difference was I walked into a hospital I did not recognise and at first it was my nana's face but her face turned into my mothers. My mother and I DO NOT get along at all we barely say two words to each other and we have a lot of unresolved issues but I awoke and began crying uncontrollably, I haven't that much at one time, ever. My grandmothers funeral I couldn't cry, I fought it back with all my might because my family when we get together at such gatherings don't show emotion, the girls do but the boys are like forbidden to cry or something.
Anyway I awoke again this morning at 1am it's now 4am (oceanic) to another very different but significant dream and yet again cried uncontrollably, so much so my sister had to come get me to go to her house because I just wouldn't stop crying, for about 10 minutes this happened.
The dream was not about my mother but it was about a woman who essentially to me was my mother, my real mum is a Jehovah's Witness and she ran from life because it got really tough and of course the cult as I see it consumed her, my real mother is inside but the Jehovah's Witness blocks her from being seen, I only got to see my real mum once mentally from something that happened went to see her one time and talk about the religion, long story short she poked a few holes and mum admitted if she didn't have the religion she felt she had nothing left in life. My real mother showed for a few seconds that day.
Anyway, this other woman lived 1 street over and I went to school with her son from grade 2, eventually over time I hung around with his mother more than him, it was kind of a mutual transition. For 15 years this woman treated me like a her own son, only a week out from the fallout of two very toxic people she finally said "you're like family" but immediately after said "fuck now I wish I hadn't said that" as you can understand she does not trust anyone, finally after 15 years I was actually happy, I always looked at her as a mother, she did much more than my own, even financially.
So earlier I awoke from a dream she died, I somehow snuck into the house and her son was in the shower, for some reason I was in the house and when I heard the shower stop I tried to hide in their front room only I made a bit of noise and he walked in, but he wasn't angry I stupidly blamed it on apparently leaving a tablet there (iPad type of tablet) although I hadn't been there in years. He quickly asks if I could stay the night because it was just him, (only child) I said "sure I understand the loneliness" and we got to talking about what he can do from here because all our lives his mum guided both of us, she taught us a lot about responsibility and how to do things around the house properly. In the dream I actually felt so empty the house felt empty, however she isn't sick she recently moved house out into literally the middle of nowhere, a town 5 hours from here with a population of 1000, her son moved in with his girlfriend, I know this because my mother still lives around the corner from her now, old house, and still spoke to her, which my mum spoke to my sister who told me, the same thing happened I wept uncontrollably
I have no idea what is going on, logically my brain is connecting the move as a loss, over he past few days I have felt upset at the fact this woman is now gone away for the rest of my life, the house I essentially grew up in is now empty hence the very real emptiness feeling I had but the dream about my mother still confuses me.
Anyone have any suggestions as to how I should handle this? I have no clue as to why I'm crying so much over something so small. I'm beginning to think my anxiety if change is edging into my dreams, this is the first time this has happened too.
Thanks for reading this far I appreciate it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Slipping into old habits. Can't focus. I can't get my work done. I can't even focus on procrastinating. I made some big life changes this year to try to get my shit together and until recently I don't think the transitional shock had really worn off so I just didn't know how to feel, which was nice in it's own way, but now the new people in my life are starting to have expectations of me that are solely based on the fake charade I've put on thus far, and I'm getting worried I'm gonna snap or freak out again.
I hate feeling like a fake, but my problems are my own fault, and burdening others with those problems isn't something I want to or am in any position to do so I don't talk about it.
Why the heck is it so hard to stay focused on literally anything?
I wish I could disappear for good, if nobody could see me it wouldn't matter where my mind was.
|
self.depression
|
Best tips for sleepy meds I take 1200 MG Trileptal all at once at night, and 10 MG Abilify at night as well. The trileptal makes me feel incredibly drunk-like. I can’t even walk straight when I take it and it puts me right to sleep. I can’t split it up to take in the morning and at night or else I’m feeling like a drunk sleepwalker all day. Consequently, I sleep A LOT and wake up really groggy, and feel groggy most of the day until night time, a few hours before I have to take my next dose.
Also... coffee doesn’t work for me. Stimulants in general don’t seem to have an effect, from what I’ve tried. Any ideas? What has worked for you guys?
|
self.bipolar
|
My job is so boring. I know we need to work to live, but I'd just rather not live. I've tried looking for new jobs and nobody wants me. My only purpose in life is to make other people rich. I waste time on creative pursuits that won't lead me to money, and I have no friends. I need to just end it before I spend another day doing this boring shit on only 5 hours of sleep. I'm in bumfuck Nebraska with nothing to do outside of work. My life is screwed.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do I tell people to let me do this? I need advice. So I've been planning my suicide for awhile now. I'm going to do it in 2 months. The thing is that I'm not doing this because I feel cheated out on life, I'm doing it because I've realized I don't belong here. Every single night I have server breakdowns where I can't do anything but cry and scream for 2 hours. My therapist implies that this is me being immature and I have to grow up but this isn't the case. Other reasons include
•Being physically and mentally abused by my sister. She takes videos of my meltdowns and sends them to my peers to assure I'm a loser.
•I have a really bad back. My limbs and other body parts ache too, but it's my back that causes me stress and hours of squirming in my bed.
•I have little friends. The friends I have only talk to me in class. I haven't spent time out of school with someone for a year.
•Girls have no interest in me. When ever I try to talk to one I always mess things up. I get intimidated by guys so all my friends are girls. I just wish I had one person that really cared about me.
•I'm super awkward. I have no filter and can be rude sometimes. All I do is talk about video games and make sex jokes. Nobody likes that.
•I have more problems that I'm just not comfortable to say or that are similar to the other ones.
But here is why I need advice, I don't want people to feel like this is their fault because it's not, not even my sister. I need to do this to be happy. How do I convince the little amount of people that care about me to let me do this? How do I talk to my friends and family to get them to understand that I need this? Last time I did this the police came to my house and made things worse really. Thank you for reading this. It means a lot.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Having depression is like endlessly watching that scene in Bambi ...where his mother gets shot. :(
|
self.depression
|
Suddently not depressed as before? Hi, something strange is happening to me in this period. I've suddently started to feel not so down and depressed anymore. I just came out from a month and a half of drinking everyday, being always suicidal and extremely lucid about how much the world sucks. Then poof, I get some affection from a girl I'm not really sure I like, I decide to stop drinking that much cause I was putting on too much weight and voila I'm not suicidal anymore.
But it's not really what I wanted, my perception of the world is foggy and I can't really focus on how much I know everything sucks. I'm not happy now. I'm just drunk of normality, if that makes sense. I feel distracted, I want to get back in my deep dark pit of despair and sorrow, at least I'd know what's around me. I don't feel at ease.
I know my depression goes like waves, when I'm really down after a while somehow I get up for a bit but this time feels different.
Anyone relates or wants to share their thoughts? I don' know what to think
|
self.depression
|
I am just tired of existing. I can’t bring myself to even try one last time to actually try to get help anymore, I just wish I die soon enough so I wouldn’t burden my family anymore and I probably wouldn’t even get an admission in any college. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Just finished year 12 and turned 18 right after all my exams are done, I feel at odds. (still got grad) [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
"I love you guys" My family and I are visiting NYC and we went into this nice little grocery store. I went and was looking at the drinks and a group of guys walked in and went over to the beer. They were talking and wondering if anyone wanted beer and offered each other some and they were all pretty friendly to each other and one of them said "man I love you guys haha". And I thought: this is what it must be like to have genuine friends. Wish I could experience that myself, instead of just always being on the outside looking in. Never feeling that true bliss for myself, merely sufficing to experience the temporary empathy, wishing so much that I was one of them.
|
self.depression
|
I've been spending years and years trying to become a useful member of society and I haven't gotten any closer. No matter the effort I put into getting better, the waves keep coming. Some of them make me lose my balance and fall, but, hey, that's manageable enough. I could live with that. I can still make some progress in spite of them.
But then there are 100m tall waves. Sometimes I'm lucky enough and they're nowhere to be found for weeks, even months, and I'm able to function properly for a period of time. I come a little closer to, at least, not being a burden to anyone anymore... But they always come back. They come in full force, breaking both my body and my mind, everything begins to spin and my world starts to fall apart once again. I try to prevent it, I don't want to go back to where I started so I really try, but I'm drowning and the pressure is insane. I'm not in control anymore.
It's always the same and I'm truly tired of it at this point. I'm tired of legitimately trying to make things better, with all my might, despite every part of me that holds me back, barely pulling through, just to have it all reset to zero once again.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I should try to transition to a new job. I'm in a weird spot. I feel like on paper I have it pretty good.
I graduated college with a graphic design degree and a concentration in music in 2015, but I moved back home because I had no work lined up so I didn't have any sustanable income.
In August 2016 I basically picked up my life and moved out of my father's apartment to start taking care of myself, but it was a shitty inside sales job, nothing to do with my studies. But it paid my billed. Company downsized after I was there for 2 months so I was stressed and needed to find new worked. I didn't want to go back to sales after that job but I felt I would be fine with some sort of customer service job for a while I got a new job in November 2016 and fast forward til now. I feel like I need to find something else. Customer service is a draining job and I'm about to turn 25 and this is not what I want my life to be.
When I'm not working M-F 8-5 I mostly relax at home playing video games or watching shows, but I've been trying to be more diligent about doing side projects to start building my a portfolio for myself to find something else. But I'm feeling like I'm getting close to my wits end.
I'm currently on vacation from my current job since Saturday but I have some customers that email me, which is a requirement of my job to make sure I at least check my emails to make sure if anything important is happening I can respond if needed, but I have this guy making unrealistic demands, and I know he knows I am on vacation because he should have gotten my out of office message.
Long story short I'm getting stressed out about my job while I am on vacation, where I am supposed to be relaxing and not thinking about work right now. I'm not in any sort of upper management either...
This feels unacceptable to me, but this isn't a portion of my job that I can negotiate my way out of or something because dealing with entitled customers is something that we need to do. Since I am out I can expect my teammates to appease this guys maybe while I am out but the point is I don't want to feel anxious about work when I shouldn't need to be. It cuts into my work/life balance and I find it unfair to be in a position that makes me feel this way.
But besides wading through hell right now during work and continuing to do more work at home to try to beef myself up to find something less stressful for myself probably is also something of a daunting task.
I don't know, I feel like I just needed to vent for a bit, but I just feel a little stuck right now, and I hate it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Should I ask my doctor for benzodiazepines for panic attacks I’ve been having panic attacks recently.I had a script for Clonazepam 0.5mg Brand Rivotril. I used it a month when I didn’t need it that much. Now I need some. I’m afraid of leaving the house or walking in public.
|
self.Anxiety
|
How would you visualise anxiety or other mental disorders? Can these feelings and emotions be displayed visually such as posters or drawings? Hi lovely people of Reddit!
I'm doing graphic design at university and we were given the task as a group to create a new art movement.
the group decided to 'create a platform' for people with mental illness to do art theraphy. Personally I find it quite ironic that people who suffer no mental illness want to address this issue without understanding it
The group work is not going well at all. They want to create a poster that is therapeutic and shows people with mental illness that there's a safe place and everyone is there to help and things will get better.
The cruel truth is it won't. When you suffer from a mental disorder you can get better and learn to live with it and take control, but it'll always be there.
No one listens to my ideas in the group, so I decided to take over and do my own.
I was diagnosed with mixed anxiety and depression disorder about two years ago. With this art movement I want to address the topic no one else does, a visual display of what goes on in a mentally ill person's mind.
I mean all healthy people can chat about how they want to conquer the world and save everyone in it, if they don't understand the underlying problems of being mentally ill it will not work.
I want to create an art movement/ poster that shows the world what it's like to be in someone's head when they are having a panic attack, feeling depressed, stressed out or so. As I'm struggling with a disorder I've got ideas how I could visualise the mess in my head. But I want to create something that people with mental issues can relate to, regardless of its level of seriousness.
So please hit me with some ideas and advice on how you would visualise the feeling of being mentally ill!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Music as my go to I like my music to be louder than my thoughts. It stops me from thinking of anything for 3 minutes at a time.
|
self.depression
|
One Day. You were the best thing to ever enter into my life. You dug me out of my depression.
You made me feel like I was normal.
You made me feel.
You made me happy.
You made me feel love at its highest caliber.
You made me feel many things I never thought I would again.
I loved you. I put that ring on your finger. I waited for our song at the concert to do it, without hesitation you said yes.
I cried, you cried, our friends cried, the random girls behind us cried. We proceeded to have the greatest night of our lives with the greatest friends we ever made.
I used to talk to you about my world and everything going on in it. Now I’m on here talking to the world about you and how you were my world.
3 years after you said yes, you left.
Your reason?
“I’m not happy anymore”
When I asked what about our engagement?
“I’m sorry, everyone makes mistakes”
I’m sorry I was born with this, I’m sorry I let it take over my emotions and actions towards our relationship.
I’ve seen you become happier and healthier than you ever were with me.
Now I’m left alone with my many thoughts of you, my many feelings for you.
I don’t sleep much because in my dreams you’re there and I’m happy again.
Sleep has become a peaceful escape and an agonizing nightmare.
I’d do anything just to have you in my arms again but I fear you won’t fit like you used to.
You’ve lost so much weight and gained such an amazing glow that only enhanced the beauty I saw in you from day one. I wish I can tell you how proud I am of you.
Proud to see you’re healthy again, proud you’ve been accepted into your final year of school, proud of you in general.
It’s crazy, I’m babbling on and this shit doesn’t make sense anymore and I’m just as confused as the stranger who will read this.
As I type this one of our songs came on.
I don’t mind by defeater.
Remember the day we drove to the city and it came on?
I was shocked and happy because it was on your phone, not mine.
You looked at me and smiled as you grabbed my hand and rubbed it with your thumb. Your sign of “I love you” when we’d be enjoying our silent moments.
I miss everything about you and you’ll never be mine again and it’s been over a year but the sting is as fresh as the day you left.
I cry as I finish this post. Reminiscing of the days we’d be in bed, your head using my arm as a pillow, you looking up at me and reaching for a kiss.
Since you left I’ve felt like I’ll never be good enough for anyone new. After all, my love was a mistake.
With this depression it’s only become more clear that I’m not meant to be happy. Literally. I was born with this sickness and it’s further proof I’m not meant to be happy.
Maybe one day when it gets to be too much and I’ve gained enough courage I’ll end myself.
Why?
Because everyday is a struggle. Everyday is harder than the last. This sickness makes me lose those I love, they lose hope in me and give up.
In your case, I became too much and became a chore to you.
The pills don’t have much of an effect anymore. They encase me in my head with my thoughts rather than let me vocalize them.
One day I’ll end myself. One day.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm starting to lose hope and my sanity So I've recently gotten on new meds, and they've only made things worse, making my teeth grind, putting me on edge, and robbing me of my sleep. Worse of all, the suicidal thoughts that I am being treated for won't go away (I won't do it but I'm having vivid sucidal fantasies, I'm lucky I don't have the means to carry out my suicide in the way I want to, and suicide by cop or by picking a fight is risky, not to mention involving someone else with my suicide would be unethical). One of the TV shows I used to watch to make me happy is dealing with really personal, depressing subject matter (it reminds me of all the friends I've lost, whether through death or them drifting away, or irreconcilable differences). I'm scared of dying alone, with no one acknowledging that I'm gone. I'm scared of keeping on going with this pain. Even when people say they care about me, my mind convinces me that I have no one.
I'm sorry for the ramble. I had to get this off my chest. I'm seeing my therapist today and my psychiatrist tomorrow, so I hope things get better, but I'm slowly losing hope since I've changed meds so many times already.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else get eye problems with their anxiety? I'm getting eye aches with weird floaters in my eyes. One eye is worse then the other. When I look up it hurts. I'm getting a little bit of virtigo too, in highly lit areas.
This all came suddenly. Can't tell if this is just anxiety fucking with me again or if it's something legit this time.
Naturally with my anxiety I'm thinking the worst of the worst. Glaucoma, losing an eye etc. Has anyone else experienced this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Never posted here before and need help. I have never posted in here before but have been lurking for a while. Today has been a particularly tough, and dark day for me and I desperately need to reach out to someone.
About 3 months ago my SO decided to leave me in a very abrupt and casual fashion. We had been together for many years at that point and I was quite honestly shocked, bewildered and unbelievably hurt.
I've suffered from depression my entire life, but had finally reached a state of confidence and comfort in myself I had never experienced before. All of that crashing down in one instant has been incredibly traumatic. .
After months of couch surfing I have finally started to rebuild. But it is strange. With every step I take forward, I feel like I am heading further into darkness.
I do my best to stay active, eat healthy, meditate, socialize. Nothing helps.
I spend roughly 12 hours in bed trying to sleep but barely get more than an hour total. The other day I cried in a random restaurant's gross bathroom the entirety of my lunch break. I'm not really sure how that last part helps understand my situation but I kinda just needed to tell that to someone.
This post is way too self pitying and I am really sorry about that. I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel like I am having a tough time seeing the bright side in anything. I am so afraid to let anything good in my life that it causes me physical pain to have positive experiences.
I could really use some words of wisdom of any kind. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest and for reading this.
|
self.depression
|
Are beta blockers effective against panic attacks? Has anyone used beta blockers for panic attacks? Or for general anxiety? Do they help?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Suicide just seems like the most logical option Life isn't as good as people say it is, I have no reason to live.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just a question. If it’s in the wrong format/place/etc. just (kill it) remove it I guess:
When does ones right to die interfere with ones right to not to live through it? Think free speech. You can say whatever you want but I have a right not to hear it?
If someone really wants to be gone how do we cope with that? Before and after?
Drunk and rambling. Thank you for listening.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hope this goes well... I'm a college guy and I am just writing this to distract myself for the next hour or so. I have known this girl casualy for over a year now. And she has asked me to come hang out and study with her out of the blue many times now which I always accept. I don't know what she sees in me, I want to think that she pitys me, or that I'm a burden. I hate that I couldn't accept that anyone would vollunterily spend time with me. She says she enjoys the time we spend together, but NOPE something like that can't be true. She was able to break me enough to get me to share some more personal thoughts. She wanted me to know that if I ever felt like I needed to talk to just ask. But my doubts hurt, I hate my thought process. Last night I couldn't sleep and mentally exhausted. I texted her asking If we could talk and she said she would love too. I meet with her in 30 minutes and the anxiety is building. I hope I am able to be open and honest about my stuggles and not shut down from anxiety. Why can't I believe someone likes me :(.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can someone talk to me? I'm feeling very lonely and I'm trying not to cut. I'm going to have a breakdown. I'd really appreciate if anyone replies me back. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Dear mom, I know you tried your best. I know you gave it your all, but you can’t do it all by yourself. I grew up watching you go in and out of hospitals, fighting physically and verbally with family. At 5 I witness you try to kill yourself. You took many pills, and locked yourself in a room. I had to watch my grandfather break down the door as I heard you beg for water. I remember looking over at your arm and seeing cut marks. I’m sorry you have to deal with those emotions. But, I wish you knew better than to take me with you to Section 8. Because of you I gained depression, anxiety, loneliness. I began to take pills and feel like everyday was just getting worse. Since you didn’t have family to yell at, you yelled at me. Everyone told me to ignore it.. “it’s her mental issues. not you”. It hurt. Always feeling like the blame & having no one to turn to. The once outgoing happy girl is now the quiet shy girl. It’s not your fault, it’s mine for being secluded. Thank you for trying your best though, at least you tried.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm not recognizing myself anymore. I constantly feel left out, I've just hanged out with my friends and I didn't have fun because I was feeling like I didn't belong there.
I try hard to fit in and pretend that I have a normally interesting life, sometimes wanting to go somewhere just to post it on instagram to prove to people who don't care about me that I have a normal social life.
I cut my hair shorter and I'm working out because I'm trying to be accepted by other people. I don't enjoy any of it and I feel like I'm just feeling worse each time. How can I ask other people for acceptance if I despise myself?
I am trying to become close with someone who is probably just using me and the thought kills me.
I look at myself in the mirror and I feel disgust and hopeless.
I feel so shallow and unsatisfied. My list of regrets grows each day and I just want to disappear and get this over with.
|
self.depression
|
Nothing really matters There isn't a better way to put: I don't see a point in living. And I do sort of feel guilty for feeling that way as my life isn't terrible, everyone has their own demons and problems, just mine aren't really noteworthy or really anything worth mentioning. Life has been good to me, but yet here I am. I feel empty and isolated, and it feels like I don't have the energy to even try to change anything. As if it even changed anything, I don't think everyone can be redeemed sadly, but I rarely hear anyone saying that. Cannot really rid myself of the feeling that my life isn't ment to be lived and that it's just rational to end it. I mean, most would agree that theres no objective meaning to this absurdism, but I don't see any subjective either. It is what it is and it's just mostly filled with pain, suffering and imense disappointment in myself and people around me. I am not even sure why I'm typing this, I feel like I have succumbed to my narcissistic tendencies, sorry to waste anyones time.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
If my nose had been bleeding for 20+ days, I’d be in the hospital. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Looking for any others like me, to give me hope. I recently started high school and life sucks. I live in an apartment with my family and feel helpless. My grades have been subpar and I have been berated constantly by my parents. Seeing others around me with such motivation brings me down. (I don't know if it makes any sense, but I want a good life but have no motivation)I feel so unloved, lonely, and numb. My parents don't believe in psychologists so I haven't been diagnosed.(while my mother was scolding me, she literally told me "the answer is in your self"). If life is so meaningless and hellish, I don't want to live any longer. Honestly, I just want to know there is hope. Any advice would be amazing.
|
self.depression
|
Feeling forced down a path by my religion, and there's nothing I can do about it Obvious throwaway account
As my name suggests, I'm Mormon, and I'm deeply involved, and have positions of authority within my local church ward. I've believed in the church all my life, and I know that what we teach is true. However, we teach that those who don't marry won't enter the highest degree of heaven, and that our greatest responsibility is to bring children into this world under the sacred bonds of marriage.
I hate this. I don't want to get married, nor do I have the desire to. It has nothing to do with me, though. Because I know what they're saying is true, I get depressed over my thinking not lining up with what God expects of me. I really don't know what to do. How do you convince yourself to love someone for the sake of getting into heaven? Isn't that selfish and rude? We're taught that God gave each of us the gift of agency, or free decision, but aren't I trapped. unable to make a choice?
I don't know where to go in life, someone please help me come up with an answer
|
self.depression
|
Wind knocked out of my sails. As I stayed home taking care of a sick kid today I managed laundry, making a chicken and rice dinner, staying on top of keeping the kitchen clean, fixing a pipe under the sink that keeps popping loose, cleaning and reorganizing the under the sink cabinet... not a monster day but good, good. Feeling good about myself.
Then got into a discussion with my SO about sex. About her questioning if I’m even interested in it.
I am I just think I’ve got to put a lot of prep into it.
I feel to even have a chance at having a mutual satisfying experience I have to be physically prepared (but not too recently prepared), mentally at the top of my game so I can successfully read and respond to her feedback, and catch her at the upper level of her sexual interest. Then maybe it will work out.
She says I’m not emotionally connecting. That I’m trying to have a formula. That because of dealing with my untreated emotional illness during my teenage years. I don’t know how to connect emotionally. That anger would be more emotionally connective than me saying, “that is incorrect.”
I’ve never ever had a successful interaction when expressing anger. I’ve either lost control and been described a manic or been shamed into silence by whoever on the opposite side is being better at anger. Anger has only ever pushed me further from whatever goal I’ve had.
And I’m just deflated guys.
I look at all I did today and how much energy and effort it took to get done and I’m like, “I accomplished a normal adult level of things today. And it took everything I had to touch that bar. But I can’t connect with the mother of my children in a way that’s basic.”
“It’s not an attack on you or your character. You’re a nice guy who’s intentions are not in doubt.”
But I just feel like a popped balloon.
Think I’m going to go Ubering, maybe moderate amounts of money will make me feel better.
|
self.bipolar
|
Let's all take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth--the holidays are over Breathe in deeply through the nose and slowly out through through mouth letting 2017 go with that exhale.
If you're going through a rough time, i know I am, then the holidays can be very hard. If you spent last night alone, I did, just let that go. If you're reading this then you made it through another year and anxiety didn't kill you.
As cliche as it sounds it is never too late to start over. I'm older than most of you, I'm sure, and late in the last year I committed myself to changing my life. I'm not attacking it all at once but in pieces. I'm focusing on my mind-body connection through meditation, exercise, yoga and muscle tension. I'm trying new medications again. And I've committed myself to taking real steps to address my isolation.
If this old dog can learn new tricks, so can you. There are a lot of resources online these days. Lots of ways to learn about anxiety. Lots of ways to connect with people both virtually and in the "real world". Doctors increasingly recognize anxiety as a serious problem that needs serious treatment. Over time society has placed less and less stigma on anxiety related problems (though there is still a lot of room for progress).
Please consider this my Happy New Year to everyone here and i hope 2018 is much better for you, and me, than 2017.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't tell if I'm pregnant, or just paranoid and stressed. help. (NSFW Maybe?) [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My bestfriend attempted suicide last week and I didn't know God, I feel like to worst person in the world. I am visiting my home state in a few weeks and checked in to see when was a good day to drop by my best friends' house. She called me crying and told me she was in the hospital for a suicide attempt and that she relapsed. I was shocked. I knew she struggled with a drug addiction but last she told me she was doing well and attending meetings.
She's going to a treatment center next week so I will be able to visit her when I am in town. I feel so guilty that she didn't think she could talk to me. I haven't always been the most understanding about her addiction so that is on me. What can I do to help her? How should I be at the treatment center?
I hate that I couldn't be there for her when she needed me. I just feel like such a fucking trash friend right now. I know this isn't articulated well but I just needed to tell someone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sometimes these thoughts can’t escape. Sometimes I want to stop taking my medication, I miss the vivid dreams and creativity. But I don’t miss the unfinished projects and hostility with high anxiety. I miss waking up with 4 hours of sleep and not tired at all, I miss being able to drink like a mad man but now I get nauseous after two beers. Sometimes I want to stop all my medication and just live like I was, but that wasn’t a stable lifestyle for an 8-5 job. Being in the medical field I should know better, but I know I’m better now. I have to remember the past and know how things have changed for the better. If only.
|
self.bipolar
|
Dreams of dying So, you don't have to look to much at my Reddit history to filter out that I've had my ups and downs throughout life. Fought depression, autism, poverty, abandonment, suicide and lots of other things, and I persevered only because of one thought "it'll be better and it'll sort itself out" I just had to give the therapy and meds the time needed for it to help me.
And it did help me, I got better. I found a job. I was fast tracking my way to the life I had always dreamed about, being engaged, having a dog, having a job, not having constant spouts of anxiety...
But now... I'm in pain. Constant, agonizing, crippling pain, physical pain. I've gone to doctors for years, they can't find anything. Two weeks ago I finally got to see a specialist in pain management, a doctor who I'm supposed to meet again on the 13th of this month. The thing is, I'm having nightly dreams of me dying, I'm fantasizing about cutting my wrist as soon as I'm holding a knife, I shower so hot that my skin almost burns (the shower doesn't get hotter...), every day I take my pills to help manage the pain I fantasize of taking the whole bottle, I go out to smoke a cigarette at night and I think about leaving the keys inside so that maybe, just maybe I freeze to death outside...
The doctor think I might have something called Fibromyalgia, which essentially means that I'm gonna be in pain forever. I don't know how to deal with this, this isn't in my mind, this isn't something time can help me mend, this isn't something I can go to therapy for and get counseling, this is just raw pain. I feel like a cancer patient, I can't hardly move around the apartment without my joints popping as loud as a champagne cork, blinding me in pain for a moment, I can't handle everyday tasks such as going to the supermarket without coming home looking like I just trekked through hell.
I've lost 36 kilos (with proper diet and such) over the last year as to try to get some kind of control over my pain, but every day, it just keeps getting worse. It's now at a point where I'm literally a crying shell of a man being held up by my fiancée because I simply can't manage anymore. I just want to die so I can be free of pain.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is it painful to OD on advil? I decided to buy some advil and try to OD on it. I just can't get out of this fog I'm trapped in. But one thing I'm afraid of is the pain. Would it hurt?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Experiences with mixed eps? (self harm/suicide mention, description of episode) I was wondering what your mixed episodes were like, if you care to share. I thought I was stable for a day or so because I was getting shit done, but not going as crazy as usual on a hypo episode. But today... oy! I got like zero sleep, and am currently wide-awake writing this at 3am, got up and ran some errands that i ususally do with my husband alone because I was annoyed that he was still tired. Like I wanted to kick him in the head because he was still asleep. And in the car I randomly started crying and couldn't stop until i started screaming. When i stopped screaming, I began to cry again - this went on for some time. My chest feels like it's going to burst open and every other thought I have is either "God I just want to die, please let me die," or "I should go buy some new razors." I haven't showered in...awhile?... and my room is absolutely disgusting - which I would usually clean obsessively on a normal hypo episode, but I just have zero energy. I can feel myself getting fatter and grosser but the thought of going to the gym make me want to throw up.
Maybe it's just a *light* depressive episode? I just got out of one though, man I would hate for another to start so soon! :/
Love you guys, hope you're all coping well, and having a good new year <3
|
self.bipolar
|
TRINTELLIX review Is anyone here on that medication? My doc prescribed it to me and I can't afford it - she gave me 3 months worth of samples. Just curious.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I wish i have someone to talk to, someone who can still be there even if im mess up, but that is just full of crap, nobody would want to be with me , why do they want to im a FUCKING MESS and i deserve to die. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I am overwhelmed with guilt because I wasn't with my cat when she was euthanized. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Extremely drowsy with Zoloft Hey guys, I was prescribed Zoloft today and took my first dose of 25 mg earlier this afternoon. Almost immediately I realized that it is making me EXTREMELY drowsy. I can barely keep my eyes open. Does anyone else have this issue? Is it a temporary side effect and will it go away/get better with time?
Thanks
|
self.Anxiety
|
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck This is hard. This is so fucking hard.
I've been horribly anxious due to my job yesterday and today, yesterday I was basically on sub-panic attack levels. That seems to have leveled off today, and I got rid of one of my triggers, and that made me realize... hey, I feel a bit better.
Well my brain latched on to that happy feeling and seems to have run away with it. Fuck me. Fuck fuck fuck. Rushing clanging thoughts, I need **I NEED** to move, to bounce my leg, to move my fingers, to jerk my hands, IT FUCKING HURTS TO STAY STILL
I'm stuck halfway between feeling great and carefree and giddy and paranoid as fuck. I've been paranoid the past several days about being in elevators with women. "Women are dangerous." I completely shut myself off if that happens, zero interaction whatsoever. Am I manic? How couldn't I have seen it? Fuck. I thought I was just going through a super anxious period. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. WHY!
I feel a lot of tension releasing writing this out. Just...I want to be happy. I want to have relief from my anxiety. I want my job not to be such a constant shitshow that it winds up with me almost having fucking panic attacks and destabilizing me. My heart rate is calming down, my akathisia seems to be calming down, though my arms still feel extremely tense.
I feel fucking useless. I feel like I'm a horrible fucking person. I fucking hate this shit. Fuck. fuck fuck fuck. I fucking don't want to continue this rambling string of thoughts that seems to have no end. I have a meeting with my psychiatrist next week. I'm glad I can keep this shit under wraps. Not one of my coworkers knows anything about what I struggle with in silence every fucking day. I think that's a good thing. I don't need them questioning my basic mental competence. I get my fucking work done.
Fuck. OK. OK. I feel like I could write and write and write. I want to. It would make me so fucking happy, just writing and writing. I like writing. I think I write well. Write now I'm just writing fucking manic. Manic manic manic. Men ick. LOL I'm gay so that doesn't even make sense. Men are hella awesome.
OK. Fuck. OK. Stopping writing. NOW. 3, 2, 1,...NOW.
|
self.bipolar
|
Hypomania success. Depression gratitude. My uncle applauded me for being able to see a pile of shit and say...”hey there is a pony here somewhere!”. While VERY difficult to manage the condition, we must make choose to see the good.
I was hypomanic in Sept, Oct 2017 and involuntarily committed to a crummy hospital w poor care, then anxious, now dealing/fighting/managing/accepting depression.
My hypomania was argued to be mania by friends family and docs. I disagreed. I never was delusional nor lost tons of sleep. I was very difficult to deal with however. It was not all good, but I choose to see it good and try to learn. I nearly lost my marriage. Huge, humbling wake up call.
I have had to pray to Christ to help soften my heart and forgive my family for committing me involuntarily to a hospital. Forgiveness without amends. I could write a book. I’ll cut short for now...
We made a lot more $ than normal in hypomania phase. I’m grateful for that. Made a few ambitious business decisions that hurt a little, but hypomania was net excellent for business.
Depression phase (maybe winter SAD), while not fun now, has made me easier to be around and better appreciate my wife and loved ones. During mania, one can take everything for granted. I did.
Depression phase is still VERY difficult, but gratitude and hugging loved ones helps. I endure dry heaves in morning and anxiety and nausea as I look forward thinking about next steps to sustain a lifestyle that works well w my condition.
I’m seeing a med doctor Tues and therapist Mon.
May this encourage everyone to find the thread of good and build on that to get back to baseline...or controlled hypomania.
(The Hypomanic Edge is an amazing book that shows the positive of this gift we have with stories of several great men who achieved much due to their hypomanic edge.)
|
self.bipolar
|
My brain never shuts off and I can't take it anymore My brain never stops. It's like it's running at high speed in every direction and I can't control it. My brain is constantly thinking about love, hate,family problems, how other people view me, sexuality. I can never get a break. I just want it to stop. I just want too be normal. But my brain never stops! I want to just relax for once IN MY LIFE BUT I CAN'T! I don't know what to do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just stopping by I find myself frequenting this sub a lot, usual late at night listening to some music. The problem is personally I do not suffer from any sort of depression. In fact I'm glad that I consider my life is pretty decent, albeit with a few shortcomings. Being the start of a new year I see many posts here talking about self improvement and finally fighting the problems that have been plaguing some people for years. I've come to say that you all can do it, everyone of you can achieve and be something greater. It may seem like it's impossible for some, but life is a hard, hard road. You don't have to be depressed to know life is quite the bitch and throws you around all the time. But having the strength to keep going and fighting for yourself is what keeps us all here. The fact all of you are here is a miracle in itself, and while many people may see it as more of a curse than a blessing, just know that life has strange ways of working, and everyone here has the ability to live up to what they want to be
It may not seem like it right now, hell it may not feel like it a few years from now, but just always know that your life is important, you matter, to all of us, but more importantly, you matter to yourself.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.