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My psychiatrist can't/won't prescribe benzos for anxiety because I told her I used marijuana on occasion for my anxiety. This is driving me mad. I've only been seeing her for a few months, and last session she told me she thinks my primary problem is anxiety, and possibly bi-polar depression. I'm on an SSRI now, which has only made my anxiety worse.
last time she said she would normally treat at the beginning with a short acting benzo, but will not because of the DEA and my admitting to having used marijana (for anxiety, specifically).
So now she's giving me a totally ineffective antihistamine that has an off label use for anxiety, but it just dries me out, gives me a raging headache and puts me to sleep.
Is this typical? Was I supposed to lie to her? I feel like i'm vibrating out of skin, clawing at the walls trying to calm myself down, and frustrated as hell that she told me there might be a better tool, but too bad.
I'm not comfortable about lying either. I was honest, because I honestly want help. I can't continue like this..
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self.bipolar
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Lymph node help Can testosterone from puberty swell lymph nodes?. Im 15. And worrying about them ? And I honestly don’t know if they are swollen. I’m like 5”4 and 115 pounds so I’m kinda lightweight. Plz help
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self.Anxiety
|
Best medication for severe social anxiety I'm currently on valdoxan as an antidepressant and Ativan (told to take up to 2 a day, depending on how anxious I'm getting) but today I had to catch a flight by myself and travel over an hour on train alone to get back home. I ended up taking 4 Ativan 1mg over the course of about 4 hours because my anxiety kept creeping back stronger and stronger till I looked noticeably agitated and aside from feeling a mild drowsiness the Ativan doesn't seem to do too much to help. I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and wanna discuss this with him, I've done my research and I think xanax might be more appropriate in my situation but I've had a history of addiction problems namely alcohol which I'm currently 60+ days sober from so just wondering what you all think could be a better alternative. Thank you!
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self.depression
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Tired of being the lesser friend
Before anything I’ll say I know this is a really dumb and selfish way of thinking but I can’t help it.
We’re both international students studying in an Asian country
I [M20] have a friend [M19] in university, he’s extroverted, easy to talk to, tall, and he’s super hot (no homo). He’s one of the nicest people I know and I’m really grateful to have him as a friend.
Me on the other hand, I’m the introverted one, and I can say I’m not ugly but I just can’t compete with him physically. I’m usually super confident when I’m alone or with other people but not with him. I know I shouldn’t compete with a friend but sometimes the difference in how we get treated by girls is just so obvious I get hurt.
He would show me the girl he hooked up last week and another one he’s gonna meet this week and so on. I haven’t get laid here, lol.
When we hang out to bars or clubs all eyes are on him, girls just pretend I don’t exist and talk to him. I like him he’s super nice and chill but I can’t stand being compared to him every time we’re together.
This has been affecting my self-confidence and how I see myself. So I wanted to know how can I handle this situation or at least how to look at it in another way. It just feels so bad.
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self.offmychest
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Just ranting about yesterday I hate myself.. I don't know what I expected from him but every word from his sentence is a sharp knife digging in my heart. I asked him if he could stay overnight as I was feeling more down than usual. His response was "okay but don't get used to it".. I thought we could be moving in together sometime, I guess not. That made me more sad. I am so tired of life. It's already happening too long. 8 years...
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self.depression
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People are so unprepared and it stresses me out so much [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Am I even depressed? Hi all. First time posting here so be gentle.
I'm on anti-depressants but they just don't seem to work like they did in the first place. I'm so scared that I've been making this up this whole time and just can't tell anymore.
My mother says she doesn't understand how i can be depressed because i was never beaten or had a bad childhood. I have friends who have had/are having a worse time than me so what reasons do I really have? I tried talking to the Samaritans and i felt like i was wasting their time so I guess I'm here to waste yours...
Sorry everyone in advance
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self.depression
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I hate how fucking sweaty I get when I’m anxious [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Without my dog... I don't have a history of depression or suicidal thinking. But here I am, for the first time in my life, really seriously thinking about it. Sure, I've had low moments that have brought fleeting thoughts of "what if?" but then I'd think of how much it would hurt the people I love, how someone would have to find my body, go through my things and wrap up my affairs.
But tonight I'm so raw, so past all of the usual sensible logical mental blockades, those things I've previously paused to think or care about. Tonight I contemplate what's in the house that I could overdose on, or how else I could do it quickly and completely. How I could put an end to the nightmares and waking up in panic attacks, the inability to control my weeping outbursts on lunch breaks and quiet moments at work. How I could stop the bottomless pain of being abandoned by a partner I'd taken a job over and built a life around (supporting this person, no less) in a new place.
Now I'm just alone in the middle of nowhere, without my prior life/support network/outlets to revert back to. Alone and feeling like I wasn't enough for them, wasn't enough to be worth the work of resolving their own issues to have the life we dreamt of, planned for, and set into action. That I'm so not enough, that they found it preferable to leave and start over somewhere else as if I'd never existed.
Three weeks out, the window of sympathy and understanding from coworkers has closed. I found a therapist when my partner left me, but the therapist has no idea the depths of where I'm at. The only one who really knows is my dog, and thank god, because she's the only reason I can find to hang on another day.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Since World War III has started I'm killing myself before I die in a nuclear fire. Goodbye friends. I'd rather kill myself quickly than die slowly and painfully in a nuclear fire or from radiation poisoning.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just want to sleep and never wake up Throwaway account.
I've become increasingly unstable over the past few months, and a fear of abandonment is starting to surface to the point that if I don't have someone to talk to all hours of the day, I start to spiral. My partner has been stressed with work and finals and told me that he can't see me or talk to me much because he's busy. (He has his own mental health problems, but has them more under control). We spent a weekend arguing and giving each other the silent treatment over text, and even though it's completely ridiculous, it sent me down the worst suicidal spiral I've ever had.
I went and bought myself a nice dinner that I couldn't afford because if it was my last day alive, I wanted to at least have something good about it. Then my finances caught up with me, and I need about $500 more dollars than I actually have to buy a gift for my Reddit secret Santa, send my gift to my Australian friend, and replace my computer screen which decided to crack today, a week before finals. I'm overworked, living in filth, can't take care of myself, and mean so little to the people in my life that they don't help me when I explicitly say that I need their help, when doing that takes all the courage in the world.
I took a few extra sleeping pills tonight with the hope that it would knock me out faster and take me away from these suicidal thoughts, but I can't sleep because I keep idealizing what would happen if I made an attempt. I have absolutely no one to talk to. My boyfriend isn't an option right now, and my best friend's friend might pass from a clot in their lung so I don't want to talk to her about it either. All of my other friends wouldn't understand. A couple of my older siblings have actually attempted or told our parents about their suicidal thoughts, and I desperately don't want to be yet another kid they have to worry about killing themselves.
I don't think I'm going to do it tonight. I went to the Lifeline website and poked around at a few of their resources to calm down. But I can't sleep for the third night in a row, I'm lonely as hell, and I want nothing more than to go to sleep and never wake up. I post this in the hopes that telling Reddit about this will give me the motivation to keep going. If you guys know I'm struggling, I can't kill myself and let you down... at least, that's the logic behind it, anyway.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I’m going through a terrible mixed episode I woke up ecstatic and full of energy but I keep getting really bad mood swings and towards the afternoon I felt so down and depressed. What have you guys done to help while cycling like this??
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self.bipolar
|
my mom keeps coughing my mom is sick and
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I WISH I RECORDED HER COUGHING
LITRALLY THE DOOR IS CLOSED AND I'M UPSTAIRS AND
AAAAAAAAAAARGH MY EAR REALLY LITERALLY HURTS AND MY EARS AND FACE AND HAIR ARE ALL ITCHY CUZ I'M ALL STRESSED OUT AAAARGH IT STINGS MY EAR I WISH I RECORDED THE COUGH so you heard it
I recorded her coughing yesterday https://youtu.be/StUyOJHQIMw
JEBUS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH SHE COUGHED WHILE I WAS WRITING THAT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
does anyone know what I can buy to prevent the noise? like can ya link me to something
and my mom's breathing MACHINE I KEEP HEARING IT IN THE MORNING even with the blanket over my head!! I kept wanting to record the breathing machine and show you guys it for four days but idk
aaah
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self.Anxiety
|
I hate myself My online and only friend blocked me...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone have advice on how to sleep on Abilify? I've been on it for about a week now, and I cannot sleep through the night. About two-three hours is the longest amount of consecutive sleep I've gotten.
Have anyone else experienced this? Did you find something that helped or did you just ride it out? Or is this not the med for me?
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self.bipolar
|
Is Mania trigger by an anti-depressant still count toward bipolar? If you have a mania triggered by an anti depressant, particularly an SSRI, can a doctor still diagnosis you with bipolar disorder?
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self.bipolar
|
17 y/o, in college, losing motivation to live I am a freshman at a very elite US university. Coming in, I had all these great ambitions, hopes, and dreams. But ever since the beginning of the semester, depression has been slowly taking over my life.
Depression isn't new to me; I had similar problems in high school, but the coursework was easy enough that I could get A's with little effort. Now that I'm in college, though, depression has had a huge impact on my life. At first, I just It started with mild insomnia, and then I started dropping some psets (problem sets, i.e. homework). Then I began missing class, and soon one missed class turned into a week of missed classes.
I haven't gone to class in what seems like forever, because I can't even muster the energy to get out of bed in the mornings. I haven't turned in a single pset in the last two weeks, because almost every time I looked at a pset, I would be utterly incapable of focusing. I have an essay that's way overdue, and by some miracle my professor hasn't kicked me out of her class yet. My one saving grace is that I've done very well on exams, but all my missed psets and homework mean that I'm on the edge of failing every one of my classes.
I'm terrified of flunking out. I have a bad relationship with my parents, and this would be the exact fulfillment of everything my mom has ever predicted would happen to me. With my inability to get up in the morning or concentrate, there's no way I could hold down a job in the real world. (But if I'm dead, none of this matters, right? /s)
I've told friends about this. But they can't really help me, and even the ones who've had depression say something like "yeah depression sucks, but ffs, just start going to class and actually doing work, come on."
I know I'm privileged. I know I should be grateful for everything good that's happened in my life to get me here. But it's so hard to feel any emotion except hopelessness and guilt.
I guess I just don't have any motivation anymore. I don't want to go to class, I don't want to work on psets, I don't want to write essays, I don't want to graduate. And really, I just don't want to live.
I keep fantasizing about jumping off the roof of my dorm. The only thing that stops me is the thought of my handful of friends who would be utterly devastated, and I can't do this to them. But this near-constant feeling of either emptiness or despair is slowly chipping away at my resolve.
Sorry for long incoherent rant.
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self.SuicideWatch
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get out of ur comfort zone why? I'm already comfortable
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self.depression
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I decided the date to kill myself will be between the 31.12 and the 01.01 [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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How should i deal with seeing my assaulters in public? I was beaten up a few months ago by 10 people really badly. A few days ago I just saw them at the mall, but I was high so I don't mind as much as I do now. I don't really know how to deal with my fear of seeing them again.
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self.Anxiety
|
I have schizophrenia and autism I don't enjoy anything and it's probably not going to get better.
Attempted a few years ago but somebody saw me and I woke up in a hospital.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I ran over a pair of my shoes, and I feel great Over the summer, I fell in love with the Johnston&Murphy Tassel Loafer. They looked, to me, so elegant. I pictured myself strutting into work with them, the little leather tassels tapping against the ends of my shoe.
As it turned out, the exact same pair were on sale on eBay for $40. It was a sign. I had to.
They shipped in 2 days. I held my breath as I took off the box top and held them for a few seconds. They were a little worn, but for $40, I couldn't complain right?
The moment of truth. I slid them on and walked from one room to the next.
The heel slipped on the right shoe. Shit. But no big deal. They just need to be worn in.
Over the next few weeks, I would try them on for work. Each step I took was a heel slip. Blisters started to form after every wear. But these were my tassel loafers. I couldn't just give up on them.
After months of trying insoles, padding, heel stickers, tongue pads and a million DIY remedies, the heel continued to slip. Blisters kept coming back.
Today, I tried a new remedy, and again, it slipped. So I walked back to my car and put on a back up pair I keep in the trunk. I walked over to the tires and put the loafers under the front drivers side one. Turned on the car and slightly reversed. With some music playing on the radio, I turned my steering wheel back and forth and back and forth to the rhythm.
Fuck those shoes. Christmas is coming up, and I could use a good pair of loafers.
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self.offmychest
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Just wondering if someone can help me with something When listening to for example the first song in the greatest showman soundtrack, it makes me feel empty in a way that's sort of satasfying because it feels much more real than anything else. I know other things make me feel this but can't think of any examples right now. Does anyone else feel this? Can anyone explain it? I want more things that make me feel this way so I can figure it out more. What makes others feel this way?
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self.depression
|
Took some pills, my body hurts Something happened that made me want to take these pills...
I was just sitting in my room and playing my favorite game, Overwatch.. I was having fun, my MDD wasn't getting to me, I had plans to hang out with my little sisters, I was fine.. I'm in the last minute of a competitive match when I hear him yelling. Stomped into my room yelling at me about my cats' poop on the back porch, where he tattoos. He asks if I'm going to clean the empty litterbox and whether or not the cats do their business outside.. I said sometimes they do when mom fills the litter box and that I wasn't going to clean it.. He says okay under his breath, leaves, and comes back in, immediately throwing the litter box with poop inside into my room.. "Clean your shit" he yells. Then went on to say that I make our mom take care of my cats, which is untrue. Said he swears on his son's life that he will get rid of my cats.. He leaves again and I feel my lip quiver, I turn off my PS4, lock my door, and crawl into a corner on my bed against the wall to cry. He comes back, banging on my door to unlock it because he needed his tattooing equipment. Saying how he was sick of how I was, how I'm a "grown-ass man" now so I shouldn't be crying. He breaks in somehow and takes his stuff and leaves. At this point, I'm whimpering and crying, my thoughts start telling me I would be better off dead, that I should take whatever pills I had left. I stare at my pill bottle, grab it, and start crying even more as I count the pills in my hand. I take all 14 and washed them down with some fruit punch. It was prozac. I knew it wouldn't kill me but I hoped and hoped that it would. I lie on my bed for hours, crying still.. Then right when I was starting to calm down, my brother comes back, breaks into my room a second time, to give me some sort of lecture. Yells at me to sit up and talk to him "like a man". I clutched my pillow and hid my face in fear. Tells me I'm ungrateful, he knows people with "real" problems, that he has to live with the label of being a sexual predator, he says things along those lines and then goes on to say he cares about me? That I can talk to him?? I was trembling in fear. I'm trying to remember what else he said but my head won't let me remember.. I'm only 21. I'm not very tall, I weigh practically nothing, and I'm thin. I break easily..
Since taking the pills my stomach has been hurting. I lost my appetite, I can't think, my hands tremble, and I feel really shaky and cold.
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self.depression
|
Why should I even live? Nothing really makes me happy, not long term at least. Had some issues as a kid, now I'm just past my teenage years and things aren't going in a good direction. Is there any actual reason I shouldn't off myself? What's the point of living a life I'm not enjoying?
Please, don't say anything about love(I don't think I'll get any of that, but it seems too much of a struggle anyway) or some pseudo-inspirational bullshit. I quite don't bite that.
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self.SuicideWatch
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First therapy session today I only hope this will give me my emotions back
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self.depression
|
Popped a pimple inside my nose... And now I have learned about the danger triangle of the face and nothing to clean the pimple. I'm now obsessing over symptoms of blood clots and brain infections. It doesn't help that I have a headache and my doc told me that my blood is more likely to clot. I've been trying to calm myself down but I just can't stop focusing on it. Anyone have any tips or dealt with something like this? I just really need help calming down.
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self.Anxiety
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I can't go out with friends without wanting a do-over after I get home. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Feel like I'm impossible to date and everyone holds too high standards for me in dating [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I feel as if i'm living for other peoples' sake than I am my own. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Support Anyone who can give me advice and have a chat to me about intrusive thoughts as they are really scaring me it's rather disturbing
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self.Anxiety
|
I've had flashing visions of my suicide for years Any time I'm stressed and sometimes when I'm not I'll have a vision of me killing myself. Most of the time I have no control over it. But the rest of the time I end up actively worrying about it, making it worse.
Has anyone else had anything like this?
I've had a particularly stressful few months and I'm just getting so tired of it. I'm able to rationally think myself out of any situation for the moment but I can see it going either way at this point.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The constant numbness broke me down on the way home. Thinking of starting bupropion without talking to doctor. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’m crazy in love and I hate myself for it [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Telling my parents I take medication I told my mom I take medication for anxiety. I wasn’t hiding it, but I never officially been upfront about that. I was trying to have a discussion about my anxiety.
She doesn’t believe in medications, and giving more money to the pharmaceutical industries. She believes I should take the placebo stress relief pills, make herbal tea, and talk to a therapist.
First of all.... there is a difference between stress and anxiety. Then I know that doing yoga and such can help to relax and shut down thoughts. And I agree that it’s time to find a therapist (I moved last year and I have been procrastinating into finding a new one).
But I don’t think medication are the devil. It does help me. I feel more happy and more energetic. I’m having less insomnia. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a sleepless night. And if I’m still up after 2 hours, usually a pill of melatonin put me to sleep right away. And the best thing is, I’m not nauseous every morning anymore!! I’m actually hungry now.
Everyone is different. And not every method of coping with anxiety works with everybody. I know that medication might be just a bandaid on issues and maybe medication won’t fix them long term, but it feel so good to be able to leave my house without worrying all the time.
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self.Anxiety
|
Xanax dependence worry Hello there, I've been taking Xanax along side Efexor XR as prescribed for the past 11 days (0.25 in the morning, 0.25 in the noon and 0.5 at night, 75mg for Efexor) and I have occasionally taken 0.25 when I felt a panic attack coming. Before I was prescribed I also took some (not daily) either at a hospital or 0.5 given to me by my father.
So in the past 24 days I've taken around 18mgs of xanax. I've started tapering off (0.25 every 6 hours) intend to go down to 0.25 every 12 hours next week. How likely am I to develop dependence or go through withdrawal?
Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
|
Take care of each other. Take care of each other.
I have an 8th grade student who is very close to me that sacrifices her lunch block every other period to come into my 6th grade classroom and work with my students. She specifically noted a few ESOL students who were incredibly shy and made it her mission to reach out to them and help them integrate with their English-speaking peers. She inspired me to request for our bilingual 8th graders to support classes where they needed it. The same students she has supported have made leaps and bounds in their English-language skills, confidence, personality, and have made friends with every single classmate, even if they don’t always understand each other.
A few nights ago, this same student had a panic attack that hospitalized her. She came back today and came to our class. Since she is there nearly every day and missed two classes, the kids were worried about her. She asked if she could tell the truth. I told her it was her story.
Every. Single. Student. They stood up. They hugged her. They weren’t prompted to. They wanted to. They wanted her to know how much she meant to them. They told her they loved her. They accepted her.
Life sucks sometimes. In a world where every news headline feels like a dagger and where every political movement feels like it goes against everything in your body. Hold on to each other. Love each other. Take care of each other.
Most of all, be as selfless as this group of 25 kids, who despite age, race, religion, background, language, and personality, came together today to take care of one another.
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self.offmychest
|
I get really bad anxiety when my girlfriend goes on trips, unsure if we’re compatible So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a while now, but as we get more serious her trips are starting to bother me more and more. One of the reasons I started dating her was because she likes to travel.
But now she’s been to everywhere I want to go and takes trips with her friends every few months, where I cannot because I have a demanding work schedule.
We’re discussing moving in together but I just don’t like the idea of having my girlfriend take off every couple months for a week. Not sure how to bring this up to her.
We’ve discussed taking a trip together but she wants to go to Africa whereas I want to go to Europe, but she’s been to every country I want to go in Europe.
TL;dr my girlfriend takes off every couple months and this really bothers me
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self.Anxiety
|
Just got a full time job and i feel...... So i just got a call telling me i got a full-time job. I am trying to get excited about it but i cant help but think about my depression. All my passed jobs turned bad due to my depression anxiety,and i had to quit. Weird thing is i am mostly depressed because my living situation, and with this job i can possibly move out and get my own apartment and car. U would think id feel better getting a fulltime jon but it just seems it will greatly challenge my depression anxiety. I hope i win this battle this time and not quit my job. Anyones thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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self.depression
|
Just venting, not an emergency Hi everybody,
I'm a 34 year old male who has been dealing with depression since I was a child and I absolutely hate myself.
I've been on a couple dozen medications and dealt with just as many doctors, counselors and therapists. I've also been hospitalized for attempted suicide twice in my life.
I don't consider myself as having any real worth as a person. I have a physical reaction, similar to cringing, when anyone says something nice about me. I give suicide serious consideration at least a few times a week and have just general, "I should kill myself" thoughts multiple times a day. There are times when I look in the mirror and feel a very real urge to punch the person I see there.
I don't feel that life is worth living. At best I distract myself for a few hours at a time, playing games, hanging out with friends or just getting high and watching wrestling. But even during the best of these times the sudden feeling of absolute despair can just come out of seemingly nowhere, as if I just tripped into a hole I didn't see coming.
I can't imagine a future in which I don't kill myself. The thought of living another 30 years is disgusting. I can really only come up with two satisfactory reasons not to kill myself, aside from the natural fear of the pain/death, and they're both financial responsibilities to people close to me.
And yes, there are people close to me. I care about these people and I accept as fact that they care about me, and when I'm spending time with them is when I feel the best. But I also feel resentful, because I feel like I need to have a babysitter to not be absolutely miserable. Which of course makes me not want to spend time with people to spite myself.
On rare occasions, I feel like maybe I can have a future career, home, relationship hobby, whatever, but then I stop and "realise" how much those things would be wasted on me and how I shouldn't bother because I would just screw it up, ruin it, or it just wouldn't work for some reason that would obviously be my fault.
I don't really have any questions and I'm not asking for advice or help. I just felt like writing out my situation for strangers to read.
And if you did, then thanks.
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self.depression
|
Lexapro Withdrawal? I'm kind at a loss right now, and while I will be calling my doc later today, I just wanted to hear from some people who have taken this drug for their anxiety.
Bit of background for me: I've suffered from anxiety since middle school, didn't know really what it was until I was married and realized that something was off with myself and noticed it more being outside of my family. Went to the doc in August, was prescribed 10mg Lexapro to take. Started it, worked alright, but didn't feel like it was enough. In Sept, right after 4 weeks of being on the 10mg, I was bumped up to 20mg. Things were great with that, but I started noticing I was having side effects that weren't there with the lower dosage, the main one being sexual issues. Being a father of one child and my wife wanting another kid, I knew this medicine wasn't going to cut it. Last week I went back to the doc for a reevaluation on things and explained to her what's up. She told me to stop taking the Lexapro immediately and prescribed me Wellbutrin XL 300mg.
I've been taking the Wellbutrin since Tuesday of last week, and it wasn't until Wednesday that I started to notice I was feeling off. Like something wasn't right, I was constantly feeling tired and just not normal like I had been. At first, I chalked it up to the new medicine, but now things are so bad I don't even know what to do. I've had constant headaches that come and go at their leisure, bouts of dizziness that come in wave, worse when i first wake up then taper off during the day and then come back kicking and screaming right before bed to the point that I can't walk and have to lay flat to get them to pass.
I've read online that some of these symptoms can in turn be withdrawal from antidepressants, most notably Lexapro and was just wondering if anyone out there has been in the same boat as me and if so what gives? How long does it take to get over this crap? Do I need to go back on it? I'll be calling my doc later today during my lunch break, but just curious for other's experiences getting off this drug.
Update 1: Spoke with the Doc at around two yesterday afternoon. She apologized for what is going on a figured that since I wasn't on the Lexapro that long that the withdrawal symptoms would be short and the Wellbutrin would kinda counter some of them. For now, I am to give it another week to make sure it's not the Wellbutrin causing this and if come next Monday I'm still messed up, then we'll start tapering with the Lexapro. This morning though I feel a lot better than I have in awhile. It wasn't hard for me to get out of bed, and despite my usual weird morning headache (which is lighter this time) the "brain zaps" seem less frequent. That could change later in the day though so I'm keeping my fingers crossed this is the start of the end.
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self.Anxiety
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My first long term girlfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Zoloft again So I have been taking Zoloft and my therapist told me it would make me tired. Lol nope just messes with my motor skills. She wants me to take it during the morning now since I don't get tired from it, but like motor skills? What do I just give up my licence?
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self.bipolar
|
I'm in love, i'm in love with him and I'm so happy! Where did you come from darlin'? I keep asking you this and you just keep grinning that ridiculous grin back at me. We haven't known each other long, but I feel like you've always been there. I love your mind, the way you talk, the things I learn from you. I love that infectious laugh, I go hunting for ways to draw it out of you. I love your kindness, your compassion, your willingness to be vulnerable. I don't talk much, did you know that? But since you've been there I've felt so naturally open, I share things now. Not just with you but everybody. You've had the greatest influence on me, I miss you when you're gone but at the same time I WANT you to leave and have amazing experiences, grow and become better and happier in you. I'll be there when you get back.
I love him so much, I don't know if I've ever loved someone so wholly, without reservations or censoring myself. I love him, I just love love love him, and he loves me! It's incredible, I love our story of how we met, I love being around him, I just love it all. It's wonderful and I'm so excited that he's in my life
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self.offmychest
|
So so done I'm tired and I'm sad and stressed and don't want to put forth the effort but I can't let myself self sabotage anything and I am just so done. Apparently I've pushed off this breakdown for as long as possible bc I can't stop crying. And I'm just gonna get less sleep so this miserable cycle can start all over tomorrow
|
self.depression
|
Cross-post from /r/depression.... My boyfriend is extremely depressed and talks about wanting to kill himself frequently. What do I do? This is kind of a long story, but I'll try to sum it up as best I can.
He's been struggling with manic depression for around three or four years now. He'll have high periods where he's great for a few weeks, but his low periods are very low and last much, much longer.
He hasn't been able to keep a job because of it, and not being able to keep a job has caused him to feel pretty worthless and his self-esteem has plummeted.
He tried going to college but couldn't get past the introductory maths because of his discalculia (it's like dyslexia but math), and so that didn't work out either.
After sticking it out for a while at one job, he ended up in a mental hospital because he mentioned to his doctor (who he was seeing for depression and anxiety) that he had considered suicide. It was a state-run facility for people who don't have insurance and he was absolutely miserable the week he was there.
He's not taking depression medicine now because he said they always make him feel numb and it doesn't help the depression any, and he's not willing to continue trying other depression medicines.
He has medicaid (or medicare? I can never remember which is the one for old people and which is the one he has) right now so he's goes to a therapist once a month to get his anxiety medicine and medicine for his ADHD, but it is a state mental hospital and they normally deal with drug-rehabilitation so not exactly what he needs... the therapist just gives him hims prescription and tells him to leave, doesn't ask how the medicine is working and seems very uninterested when he tries to talk about his problems.
So tldr: my boyfriend is extremely depressed and he is definitely a suicide risk. He's seeing a shitty therapist right now, but that obviously isn't helping. I think he could probably stand to be sent to a legitimate mental health facility to get his life back together... but because of his experiences with those I feel like he would hate me if I tried to send him to one.
I don't know what to do. Please help.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm glad I hardly remember this year. Vent/rambling [20M] Bottle after bottle. Went to work wasted. Drove a truck in the oilfield wasted. Driving on ice going 55 seeing double.
Moving back home I got an apartment. I just drank and drank and drank. Spent $2,000 on booze. I ended up in a coma. I hallucinated for a week straight.
I ended a 2 year relationship that should of ended before it started. I drank and got high to "love" her. Basically if I wasn't drunk I hated being around her. And when we were drunk... It was black eyes, nasty sex, broken phones, and all that drunken shit. Pretty much we had nothing in common. we were very different. I didn't want to be alone.
After the coma and getting sober I feel different. I can't explain it. I don't remember january-june... July-present is a blur. I think my brain is fucked up.
Anyway... I feel like this is a very very important part of my life. I learned a lot. I've moved on. I'm trying to focus but its difficult. I feel like I can do better... I know I can do better.. But my focus and motivation is gone. I feel confused. Therapy and counselling is my next move. I need to get my head straight.
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self.offmychest
|
I had something to offer other than just looks. I'm not white, but I'm just as good as a white person. I know I'm ugly. I know I have gross tawny-yellow skin, dull brown eyes, and I don't have blond hair. But I listen to you. I care about you. I'm well educated, and have a career ahead of me. I want to treat you like a princess, like royalty. I want you more for than just sex. I want a family. I want to be loyal to you.
If you just want to date outside your race, I am about as different as you can get. I'm Native American, White, Puerto-Rican, Jewish, and Greek.
But I don't have porcelain skin. I don't have blue eyes, and I don't have spiky blond hair. But I wanted to love you. I wanted to offer you everything I have to make you happy.
I'll never be the white guy you wanted. I'm sure there's a reason you like white men more then guys like me. But It still hurts. If I could I'd make myself like him I would. I want to be white so that I could be with you.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone depressed because they just hate themselves? I feel like the root of my depression is simply me.
It comes down to how I look and my personality type, and I feel it's just impossible to like it. I want a new body, new brain, new life. It'd change everything if I were just to be reborn into a better person. I can't just wake up one day and be all "well today I'm gonna put a smile on my face and just bE bETteR!" Pffft. I know people who claim to like me but I can't grow to lke myself no matter what. I just can't be somebody else. I'm stuck inside this flesh prison until the end.
|
self.depression
|
I think I've proper fallen in love this time and it's destroying me. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Day One So I started a new job today. I feel good about this one. Granted it's only the first day, but it gets me out of the house, and providing for my family. I'm really hoping this can help to get me out of this dark pit I've been in for what feels like forever. I am absolutely terrified of the thought of going into work every day, but even though it is such a small step, I am so proud of myself for oing through with this job, when all I wanted to do was say no. It may just be the start, but I feel like this is the start of a big change.
|
self.depression
|
I hate Christmas I hate the over commercialization.
I hate the stampede of shoppers who have no consideration for others.
I hate buying gifts for people who i only see like once a year.
I hate buying gifts for people who are ungrateful oh i didn't want that present then don't fucking have it I'll give it someone who does.
I dislike having to act all happy and merry when i literally can't.
Sick of every second song/TV advert/ movie about Christmas deals Christmas carols home alone the grinch ect
I dislike having to speak to family members who i don't like.
Does anyone else hate Christmas and what are your reasons for it.
|
self.offmychest
|
How do you stop being jealous of everyone? I’m especially jealous of everyone when I’m depressed. Jealous of people who never have to deal with these swings, jealous of being happy, romantic relationships, not dealing with so many setbacks in life...
|
self.bipolar
|
biting myself, nervous habit or no? trigger warning- “self harm” and an overall gross and unsanitary topic
when i get really anxious during class, at home, in public, etc, i am very prone to biting my hands. it’s gross, but i naturally tend to go for the soft and squishy parts of the hand and palm, and i bite, pull, and nibble until my mind is cleared or when i don’t have “access” to my hand [when i am being paid attention to, when i talk to others, etc] specific parts of my hands are now very rough, cracked, and sort of swollen. i will add this as a small note as well, i tend to bite my nails too often as well, and i always have the urge to crack my hand joints.
how do i overcome these nervous habits? my hands are already gross and fucked up and i don’t want them to get worse
tldr; i bite the skin on my hands when i’m anxious, what do i do to stop?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I got banned from an improv comedy troupe for speaking out about sexual harassment. While I haven't given up on comedy, I resent that stories like mine are so common for women in the entertainment industry. (x-post from TwoXChromosomes) I'm sharing this from a throwaway to protect my main Reddit account from being identified, above all else. I posted this story to r/TwoXChromosomes and r/Women, but my posts were initially filtered before being approved by mods, so they got less exposure than they should have.
Last year, I decided to become a more active part of my local comedy scene, and join an improv comedy troupe near my city. I quickly made friends with several male members of the troupe, and several women who I rehearsed with, in an attempt to join the troupe one day. I noticed early on that there were no women in the troupe, and that the former female members of their troupe had never stuck around for too long before quitting. At least two of the women who quit the troupe had some type of grudge against the members. I should have seen that as a red flag, but they acted like they were looking for more women and valued my presence (at first?), so I stuck around.
I noticed within the following few months that when the troupe would shoot video advertisements or parodies to market themselves, I was never invited to be a part of it despite the other girls being a regular part of it. One girl I rehearsed with regularly, however, *always* was invited onto these sets and given whatever role she wanted. Mind you, this girl is still my close friend (and no longer a fan of this troupe) and I am not shaming her for her body type, but for the sake of discussion, I must compare our bodies, and our subsequent treatment from men. I'm not hideous, but I don't consider myself conventionally attractive (low self-esteem), and I'm a size 14-16. This other girl is very petite, less than 5 feet and less than 120lbs. Very small-framed. She could easily be mistaken for a young teenager, which the troupe members just LOVED in the creepiest way which, at the time, I couldn't pinpoint exactly WHY it seemed so wrong. (Unfortunately, I later found out that the troupe leader is actually somewhat of an ephebophile [mid 30's, attracted to teenagers] and that it definitely factors into how he vets women in rehearsal. He wants them all to be very skinny, small, and "young-looking".) I ended up feeling jealousy towards these girls, even though they did nothing wrong to me. After all, they weren't really who I was getting mad at, right?
Naturally, I had to deal with troupe members treating me poorly compared to her, as well as the other smaller women I rehearsed with, but also overhearing them making explicit sexual comments about everyone else in the scene. Not just the girls who I rehearsed improv with, but even the women in my standup comedy scene who I had done open mics with. I can't think of a woman who I've done comedy with that they HAVEN'T made gross, unwarranted sexual comments about. Yet, this went on for months and affected my mental health incredibly poorly, and I already have some poignant psychological issues to begin with. I began not eating and self-harming because I didn't feel "pretty" enough for the comedy scene and hated that I had to keep those comments about my female friends to myself.
Over time, I heard more stories about the men in the troupe. Sexual harassment of more former members, including regularly shit-talking a former member who is an open lesbian (and was sexualized for it). One man in the troupe, someone who often spoke on social justice politics and even had the nerve to declare himself a "feminist ally", turned out to have had a legitimate history of stalking women online, and he had harassed almost every woman who I was rehearsing with during the past year. I wasn't considered "pretty" enough to be sexually harassed by him (that's so fucked up to type out like that), but I did get various legal and death threats from him for an unrelated/irrelevant incident.
Things got really bad when I heard them make some insensitive jokes about yet another female comedian, another friend of mine, who openly speaks about her experiences with rape and abortion. I snapped at them, and left early that day. I repeated what they said to a friend of mine who knew the girl they were talking about, and repeated it to her. She blew up on Facebook, rightfully so, and threatened to "expose" them for being perverts and for talking about the local women here like that. She also discovered that they had said awful things about me, my weight, and my mental health behind my back.
They banned me for "telling her what they said". I confronted the troupe and told them that they fucked up, and that I wasn't even the one who told her what they had said about her (however, it wasn't wrong of my friend to do so). The ban remains to this day. All they said regarding it was that if the ban was lifted that certain troupe members "would be too uncomfortable to speak amongst themselves about whoever they like". Great, have fun not taking responsibility for the gross, sexist shit you say. Maybe I'm not missing much. There were some genuinely good people I met through that troupe, and I miss them because I don't see them as often.
I'd like to start my own improv comedy troupe one day. A women's troupe, because my scene desperately needs it. The Floridian comedy scene in general is not a kind place for women, from my experience. We just had a controversy in Orlando where a man who went by the stage name Adam Avitable publicly exposed himself as a predator to women in the scene. It's everywhere here, and it sucks.
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self.offmychest
|
I listen to happy music when I cut myself [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I want to kill myself because I'm so bored Maybe "kill myself" is the wrong way to put it. It's more doing something reckless that will get me killed because I don't care if I die. There's nothing to really live for.
I'm in my early 20s and with a degree that has no opportunities where I live, and in a boring field that I went into because I thought it was the only way to afford to go to college, by choosing something in demand.
People recommend saving up $10k to move and I'm not even half way there yet. I can't imagine staying here for several more months, working the shitty job I'm in and coming home to nothing but sitting around. I've tried many hobbies. The interesting people from this location are the ones who have already left for the most part.
I want to just get in the car and leave with no destination or plan in mind. It's reckless and will probably get me killed, but it's better than living. I don't see how people live to be 40 or older working the same job and even loving life enough to want a family and a house in the rural Midwest. I'm depressed and dreading every morning here.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i just got my class ring, i should be excited right? i dont have any friends, so no one to sit with at graduation. i transferred here because i was raped and all my friends are still back in the midwest living their lives. they all get to be together on their big day. i have no one and i can't sit with my parents.
i just got dumped by this guy who was amazing at first, and i felt really supported and cared for by him. he flew down here to see me and broke up with me half way through his trip. it was really unfair and he didn't give me any reasons.
i don't have any prospects after college. my grades are bad because they wipe your GPA when you transfer, so that 3.9 I used to have means nothing now, i'm just a shitty student who isn't involved in anything anymore. i used to be so involved, college athletics, student senate, clubs, research, everything. it was ripped from me when i was forced to drop out of college because *i* was raped. he hasn't had any consequences.
i just want to wither away. i want to stop existing. i don't want to go to graduation with nobody i know there. the good things in my life are temporary. i do stand up but i'm not going anywhere with that.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t know I can barely think about anything but suicide anymore, I used to atleast have a vague idea of why I found myself sad in the past, but now I just don’t know, just like how I don’t know why I’m writing this
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety about not doing anything So I’m a pretty busy person. I work 30 hours between two jobs and I’m a full time grad student. I’ve found that in the past, when I have a break from school and I take a day or two to just sleep/relax all day, I get depressed and a little anxious that I wasted the day away. Deep down I know I need those days because I don’t get enough sleep with all I have going on.
Anyway, this week is the first time I’m getting a day off from school since I started the semester. It’s my first year of grad school and it’s been a TON of work. Yesterday I spent most of the day sleeping and watching tv, and today I slept in and spent a lazy day with my boyfriend watching tv and napping. I worked a short night shift both these days, and as I’m finishing my shift tonight I feel so anxious that I didn’t get anything productive done these past two days. Yesterday after work I felt so bad that I spent two hours cleaning my apartment. I feel like now I have to wake up early tomorrow morning and get ahead on homework or something. I’m really trying to relax and recharge for the rest of the semester but it seems that it’s making me more anxious.
Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Usually when I’m anxious about something it makes me want to be in bed, so now I’m all confused and stressed out....
|
self.Anxiety
|
Should I add an antipsychotic to the mix? Currently on Depakote and mirtazapine. The depakote seems to be dulling the frequency and strength of my mania although I’m only a few months in but It seemed to do nothing for the depression. In fact if anything I ‘feel’ like it’s dropped me down to place close to depression, definitely 30% below ‘baseline’ if that makes sense.
They put me on mirtazapine to try and counteract that but I just feel fogged, clouded and rubbish and am looking at options to change.
What I’m struggling most with is constant symptoms of psychosis, when I’m alone or it’s quiet they tend to well up so I followed advice and documented every delusion, paranoia and hallucinations for a week. Went over them with my doctor and he presented me with two options: ignore them. Or add an antipsychotic. I really wanted a little more guidance but the guy is an elderly fucking quack who can’t remember something we talked about the day before (I’m in the process of changing docs) and he went in to tell me it was my fault that I was getting these symptoms because of past recreational drug use which I’d essentially used to self medicate over the years (hilariously when I quit drugs and alcohol all together all my bipolar symptoms went into overdrive).
I’m concerned that the psychosis is getting worse and the anxiety is making me housebound.
Anyone else had any similar issues and is there anything I need to look out for in terms of a mood stabiliser, SSRI and an antipsychotic?
|
self.bipolar
|
What do you do to get your mind off depression? Even if it's only for a moment. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
That feel when your life is actually going relatively well... ...and then you get hit with overwhelming sadness for no reason and everything goes back to being shit
|
self.depression
|
I have no friends and I don't know why? Hey, so I'm a 29 year old guy. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past 8 years, and it's been getting progressively worse. I'm seeing a therapist, and might start meds soon, but thats another story.
Something I've noticed recently, is that all my friends and acquaintances seem to be losing interest in me. No one invites me out, and after meeting me, people seem to slowly lose interest until they practically never contact me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I can't just casually go around asking people why they're ditching me. I know my depression plays a part in this, but it's maddening to be losing all my friends and not know why. I've asked my best friend if I do or say things which push people away, but she's assured me that I don't. Im not 100% sure if I believe her. I feel like she's just trying to protect my feelings or whatever, but if I'm doing something which is unappealing to others, I'd like to know, so I can correct the problem.
Has anyone ever dealt with this? How did you get over it?
|
self.depression
|
I don't think I can ever reverse what I have realised And it's troubling me a lot. You see I find it so wrong that ever since I was a kid I have been anxious/depressed and obviously I never made a lot of friends or had lots of fun memories. Also, it's obvious that I never impressed many people and especially girls never gave a hoot about me.
What is troubling me is that in order to gain all of those things I'll have to change myself and achieve things, be successful, do this, do that, have an awesome personality, be fun, be outgoing, be responsible, be talented etc.
Only then people will take me seriously, respect me and love me. This bothers me a lot. What has been seen cannot be unseen and what has been realised cannot be unrealised.
So you are telling me if I am not talented, if I don't have loads of money, if I don't have an interesting personality then no one is going to care about me? Well, doesn't that essentially mean that I have to offer something only then I can expect to even get respect from my fellow humans?
I know it sounds whiny but this really bothers me. I will never feel that when someone says they're my friend they actually MEAN it. I will never be able to feel when a girl says she loves me that she ACTUALLY MEANS it and ACTUALLY LOVES ME!
It's so hard to get away with this feeling that people only care about you or only want you as long as you have something to offer and are willing to do things for them.
|
self.depression
|
Been insanely depressed about my nationality for 5 years now. Things getting bleaker everyday please help. I’m Pakistani born and raised in the U.S. and I despise my nationality so much. I’ve been laughed at and made fun of in school by whites (Irish, Greeks, etc.) and some blacks for being Pakistani. I sometimes get jealous of people with nationalities like Swedish, Portuguese, Italian, etc. who have beautiful countries that people all around he world visit and have some of the greatest innovators, scientists, athletes (Da Vinci, Marconi, Pirlo, Buffon, etc.
Pakistan meanwhile was ranked as having the third worst reputation in the world. In America kids want to be black and idolize blacks in the NBA and NFL and there’s not one Pakistani in either. On the other side some blacks want to be white but who the hell wants to be Pakistani? Pakistan barely gets any foreign tourists on the global scale and practically none from America. At best a Pakistani can be a doctor or lawyer but what’s the point when blacks and whites like Lebron, Robert Downey Jr., Steph Curry, etc make more in a year than I will in a lifetime? To further this, some Pakistanis act black too (so cringeworthy)
This depression has been affecting me for over 5 years now and often times I just end up doing nothing for days and go on my phone listening to music & living vicariously through celebrities. Is there any way to truly improve and stop feeling so inferior with these facts behind it to great other nationalities that have so many reasons to be proud of every day?
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self.depression
|
My drinking I'm a sloppy drunk, I can't go to sleep without a drink. As soon as I wake up, I need a drink. It's a huge accomplishment if I go a day dry. I completely deserve all the pain in my body. My drinking has been a huge problem in my life for many years. I probably have early stages of cirosis. I don't know how I'm going to manage my drinking. I'm such a cruel person.
|
self.depression
|
Going to psych ward for a week what do I tell my employer?? Okay so I have been diagnosed with PTSD for a while now and my current employer is aware that I have PTSD. However I was recently diagnosed with bipolar and have yet to tell anyone (I’m kinda ashamed of it I guess) I am currently crashing hard from a very intense manic episode. I have not yet started on any medications and I’m having suicidal ideations. I know I need to go have myself committed to a psych floor before I end up actually trying to kill myself, but I don’t know what to tell my employer. I just started this job about 3 months and I really like it, I don’t want to lose the job. I have no clue on how to handle this. If I tell my employer I am going to the mental ward can they fire me??? How do I go about telling them? Should I tell them ahead of time before I commit myself or just call them (or have someone call them) while I’m in the hospital and let them know I won’t be in work for a while. Should I be vague or be honest? Do I tell them it’s a family emergency or do I tell them the truth??? Advice please!
|
self.bipolar
|
I think I'm done with life. My depression has been raging over the last few months and I hinged everything on a doctor's appointment that I had today.
I've had unsightly chest/back acne since I was 14. And I've been to doctors tons of times for treatment. oral antibiotics and a myriad of topical gels. Of course here I am 18 years later and not a single one of those treatments helped. In january I decided that I'd make one last bid for treatment. I'd go to my doctor and insist on accutane.
Despite the side effects, It seems to have a high success rate for treatment resistant acne. And I'd rather have 6 months of pure hell with an outcome where I can look in a mirror and not hate myself than live even another day as I am now knowing that I'll always be self conscious about my body, and hate myself everytime I look in a mirror.
Now of course because I'm an American(And our healthcare system fucking blows), I couldn't actually see a doctor for this until a month and half later. Where I show the Dr. my skin, explain how long I've been suffering, and how miserable I feel looking at it. I express my desire to go on Accutane. And of course he immediately shuts that down. Instead deciding in his infinite ignorance, that the solution was to give me a combination of two topical gels. Ones I had already tried separately with no fucking improvement.
This of course tanks my mood to the point of basically shutting down communication. All I can think of is how I want to die and this fuckwad doctor wants to jerk me around with a worthless treatment. He then prods me about why I'm suddenly so morose and I lose my shit, tell him how my bad skin is one of the confidence destroying things in my life, that I fucking hate myself and break down in the room. But instead of being helpful, he uses it as a reason to start trying to throw psych meds at me.
This is what I get for trying to improve my life. So why the fuck should I even bother living anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tomorrows the day. Tomorrow is the day I end my life. The intrusive thoughts urging me to do it don't stop. The self loathing doesn't stop. The money I lost gambling isn't coming back. The relationships I've ruined can't be mended.
My family's being so nice to me, even today. Even when I don't deserve it. This is what hits me hardest. I hope they'll be okay with it. They'll have to.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've stopped opening up because I've found it has resulted in two unwanted results - I'll either end up attracting other abusers (people who will exploit my vulnerability) or repelling others who don't want to deal with my sickness in the long run. You're always being told to "be yourself" and to "open up" but it really seems that stuff only applies if you're a positive person with no messed up background/childhood.
Most of my social contact is through social media (Facebook) and I've cut out a large chunk of IRL people from my life (work colleagues, friends, etc) whom I've been in contact with who may have known about my anxiety/depression.
I still have a handful of "internet" friends (people I've met online and chatted with but never met IRL) and I'm unsure if I should still stay in touch with them.
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self.depression
|
A few days on SSRI’s Started SSRI (Zoloft) on Thursday after a panic attack at work. Was also prescribed Lorazepam (have only taken three since prescribed), a Serotonin booster and something if I have trouble sleeping.
With all of the nightmarish stuff that has been happening in my personal life lately, today is the first day I semi feel like myself. I don’t feel great. I know I’m still depressed. But I have had more glimpses today of “myself” like I remember at my happiest. When stuff didn’t weigh down super heavily on my brain. It’s weird. I don’t know if anything is supposed to take any effect after a few days, but I can say I feel at the very least, a subtle difference.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety leading up to a meeting with my advisor, and the following week [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Hello Fall Melancholy Its hit me the other day. I woke up hopeful, refreshed, ready to tackle the day. I grabbed a cup of coffee, sat down at the computer, and it hit me out of nowhere, the fall melancholy. I sat at the computer and decided to distract myself, no, I decided not to be productive. The sadness that enveloped me gave me a “fuck it I don’t care about anything” energy. I wasn’t home, I was at a nonprofit supposed to be looking for a job but I was on facebook, reddit, and news sites. Eventually I decided to have one of the employment specialists look over my cover letter. I threw myself into improving it and the sadness lifted a little. I got a conditional job offer not too long after that and a request for a drug test, so I went to complete that. The movement of that afternoon let me escape the low mood. I felt content and accomplished for the day. But I know it will be back, it always starts with morning depression and evolves into all day depression. It turns me dispassionate, angry, and suicidal. I’m on meds so maybe a bump up can do damage control. The fall is always the beginning, winter is the worse of it, and then the spring brings a nice hypomania. Hello fall melancholy, I knew you’d be back.
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self.bipolar
|
Just started ativan...this is my first anti-anxiety med, what should i expect? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Recently got into a song.. So I recently got into this Halsey song called “eyes closed”. Probably my favorite song right now. So naturally I start looking up info on her and found that she is bipolar and had a suicide attempt at a young age.
She speaks out about it in an article I found, to me this is very true so I thought I would share.
“I kind of just embraced the things about me that were a little odd. The thing about having bipolar disorder, for me, is that I'm really empathetic. I feel everything around me so much. I feel when I walk past a homeless person, and I feel when my friend breaks up with someone, or I feel when my mom and my dad get into a fight and my mom's fuckin' crying over dishes in the sink. I used to say to her all the time, like, 'I hate this. I want to be naïve. I want to be worried about my prom dress. I want to be worried about getting my math homework done. I want to be like everyone else my age,' and she would say, 'Would you rather be blissfully ignorant or would you rather be pained and aware?' That was one of the things that's kind of followed with me through my whole life. She's encouraging of what I'm doing because she knows that even if sometimes I might be in pain, I'm aware.”
Link to song if you want to check her out
https://youtu.be/9LhN6E01Mkc
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self.bipolar
|
I'm feeling so much worse than I used to and yet I feel like I'm less suicidal. It's kinda weird. Last year I was preparing. I was making a plan, thought about what I'd write in my note, tried to buy N online. I was actively seeking to kill myslef.
This year, I feel worse. A lot. I still want to be dead and I still think about it almost every waking moment and yet it doesn't feel like I'm close to doing it. I'm not making plans or anything. It feels a little like I've given up on everything and now that even includes suicide. I wouldn't go through with it anyways because I promised someone not to (in return for them promising the same) but it's a very weird feeling.
There isn't really a point to this post, I just wanted to express this thought since it seems very counterintuitive to me.
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self.depression
|
I am an incredibly lonely riddled man (trigger warning: abuse, neglect): If you know a path for me, please let me know. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone know how to stop feeling so numb and empty? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Know that I’m thinking of you, even if we’ve only met the once You brought your mum in. She’s old. She’s got an overwhelming infection. I’m worried she’ll die.
I told you that, and even though you’re older than me, your face crumbled like a little girls and I felt like I was a horrible human being for telling you what you needed to understand. You howled. You asked me what you would do without her. I had to be so strong to not take my words back, to not tell you I was mistaken and that everything would be fine. I said I was sorry and I held your hand. I hugged you. You came in the next day and she’s worse. You ran up to me with tears in your eyes and you said thank you thank you thank you, even though we both know it looks bad, you couldn’t thank us all enough.
We hugged again. You held my hand again. You thanked me, again.
I’m going to see my mum for Christmas now, we’ll cook dinner together and I’ll hug her every chance I get.
You’ll probably spend yours by your mums bed, hoping she doesn’t die.
I just want you to know, I’m thinking of you. Just cause I went home after my shift, it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you, or anyone else I hugged, broke bad news to, or looked after. I’m sorry. Lots of love.
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self.offmychest
|
I have to stop pacing, it is destroying me I do this pacing around the room/house for a long time. I'm 30 now, have been through a difficult separation of a 5 year relationship and i've been pacing for literally miles in my 2 room house. If it's not pacing, it's walking in the town, which is also pacing tbh, just doesn't look like it because it seems like you have a place to go. But really is the same thing, come to think of it.
I've been doing this whenever i felt stressed in the relationship but not only then, in regards to college work or something else.
I remember first doing it very intensely when I was failing my first college year and I was alone for weeks in my parents house. I should've been studying but I was literally pacing for hours around the house. They had a large 4 bedroom apt and rooms were connected in such a fashion that i could walk in circles. And in circles I did walk. Actually no, scratch that. I've been pacing at 5-6 years old when I feared my mother would die whenever she was out at work. That's when pacing started.
My feet hurt now, i'm feeling tingling and heat in my legs whenever I force myself to stop.
My stress is through the roof now because other than losing my relationship, I had very little friends to begin with and I am now having to face that reality as well. I also changed my profession recently and I have to start working in the new field, which is also stressful, it's like the experience of my first college failure.
I have to stop, i really do. I can sense I am very stressed and at least now it's better because for the last 10 years i've been ignoring this through mindless gaming, browsing, watching youtube/streams and masturbation. I cut those out and am left with this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone tried L-Theanine? How effective is it, and how long does it last? As the title says, how much do you have to take for it to be effective?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m hurt and confused, which path should I choose? I really hate posting this, but I don’t know where to turn. I’m 23, living a great life, although I am having some difficult issues I’m dealing with. I have a girlfriend, 23 as well, and we recently went to watch football with some of my buddies and things were awkward for many reasons it seems, I’ve been with my girlfriend and living in a different town for college for. a couple of years now, as my friends have became distant. They don’t like my girlfriend because she is overweight, and I’m not the guy to care about this, I date her for her amazing personality and traits, besides, I suck at getting women and she’s the best for me. My friends live the single life, but I’m not like them at all. She has nobody in her life but me; her family lives in a different state. What should I do? Leave her even though I love her? Listen to the friends I have even though they really don’t care about my intentions of her? We’ve been dating for 5 years now, and am just really confused on what’s best for me because I cherish what I have with her, I just don’t know if my friends are right. My friends have been there for me, but now they don’t understand and make fun of me, so that’s another thing; what if my “true friends” don’t have my back? They have treated me terribly and I just don’t know if I can succumb to their lifestyle as I feel enlightened that I’m doing my own goals with college. Advice?
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self.offmychest
|
32 m, gave up on life and everything else, does anybody want to talk....?
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self.depression
|
Ok I'm freaking out about a numb pinky toe I was sitting with cross legs and I think I might've laid on my pinky toe now I'm freaking out
|
self.Anxiety
|
Cognitive Thinking Disorder (cross post) What is it and how is it exhibited? I researched it online and couldn't find anything on it. I found some stuff, but it clearly doesn't apply to me. I will be calling my Doc tomorrow who I have seen for two years and talking to my therapist, but I'm constantly accused of having this by someone who has no medical training and it's used against me. Typically when I get upset over something and make very natural (to me) conclusions. Does anyone have any clue what it is and the symptoms are? I was hoping since we all have experience with psych evaluations someone might know.
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self.bipolar
|
loneliness Im in school still and have been debating for a while because I'm lonely all the time. I have 3 friends who ignore me constantly and my family has been weird towards me since I came out as bi. I'm just conflicted over what the best option is. I'm not dumb and I know things can get better but I don't know how willing I am to wait anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Have no friends and even my own mother won’t hang out with me. I’m on break and have tickets to see an exhibition. I’m hoping to see during my break and preferably on a weekday. As I have no friends, I’ve asked my mum to go with me. She says the only time she will go is on the Sunday as the transport fares are cheaper. I agree to an extent as the exhibition is quite a fair way from home and fares would be insane. However, I’m kind of mad because she’s cool to hang out with her mates on a weekday and do whatever but she won’t take the one day to hang out with me.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting her to spend the day with me?
|
self.offmychest
|
How do i approach my school counselor??? I have social anxiety and depression, and some problems in my family. I really, really want to talk to her for advice but i cant. Whenever i bump into her in the school hallway she would ask me if i am happy and good and i would always lie and say yes im fine. I can't even knock in her office. I am really tired of dealing with this alone. I want to feel like i am being cared for.
Any advice would be very much appreciated :)
|
self.depression
|
I feel like a failure today The past year or so has been hard, as I’ve been dealing with the resurgence of my depression/anxiety. I’ve been working on it and it’s been slowly getting better lately, but over the past week or so I’ve been extremely stressed out and it’s triggering my anxiety. I was in the process of weaning off of lorazepam so I’d only use it when I really, really needed it and try to ride out most of the ‘milder’ anxiety episodes on my own. But now I’m in the middle of possibly breaking up with my long term partner and moving out of our shared apartment and in with my mother, who was abusive throughout my entire childhood, so I know that the anxiety I’m feeling is valid. I just feel so bad when I feel a panic attack coming on, or it comes on, and I decide to take the lorazepam because I’m just so tired of feeling this way. It’s like all of the coping mechanisms I’ve learned to deal with anxiety have lost efficacy and I wonder if I’m just not trying hard enough. It makes me feel like a total failure, and I don’t know how to hold onto the optimism that I’ll ever be able to handle my anxiety effectively. :/
|
self.Anxiety
|
Game of Thrones If someone commits Asoiaf esque crimes against you or someone you care about enough to significantly alter the flow of things that should of been, would it really be considered mental illness to retaliate knowing that you can't go back to your castle and are trading your life for retribution.. because I'm not convinced it is. Are some things worth dying over or is it just always violent and impulsive tendencies? I don't get how natural human response can be considered an illness or even a crime. Humans shouldn't be held to standards of idealists in certain aspects that haven't had the same emotional or life experience as the other humans they are making these laws and decisions against. How are you gonna be mad because because he iced that dude that iced ice? How is that not acceptable in the current state of things? You know what works? Real justice by real experienced people.
Lets hang the senate by their thumbs because why are people content with working with their hands every day when 90 percent of these Judges and politicians were born in a neighbor hood where they are raised and installed with prejudice over those they think themselves wiser than. What's the point in trying when 1/3 of everything you work for goes towards a system that pretends to understand human nature, intent, and so it imposes it's own "morals" onto those who inherit a weaker financial status... when everyone has a different world view trying to impose one set of laws and morals seems pretty UNAMERICAN BRU.
I hope some of you can see some coherence in this drug withdrawal induced ramble...
Mental illness is human nature. Hardly anyone worth remembering doesn't have at least some form of "mental illness", so are they the sick ones or is it the ones creating the system where they can not perform?
theoritcal ofcourse...
What's the worst drug or drug cocktail you've ever come off?
Murcia
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self.bipolar
|
Welp, I've screwed my life over. Time to kill myself. It's not even that big of a thing. Last year, I tried to fight an underage consumption offense. It didn't work. It went on my record. And now no place even at minimum wage will hire me. I'm out on my own, away from my family, with less than $500 in my account. Nowhere to live, just crashing at friend's places. There's nothing out there for me to do. I'm fucked. I'd rather die than have to live with a guilt like this, and have no purpose in life.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am so fucking sick of everyone telling me that people care They don't care whether I live or die. All they care about is that I don't kill myself "right now" on their watch.
No one gives a fuck if I wake up every morning and immediately start crying because I have to live through **another** day of the same old bullshit. They don't give a fuck that literally everyone I know acts like I'm a selfish asshole for wanting time to myself. They don't care that I've tried to tell people and show people what I'm dealing with and they act like I'm the fuckhead for telling them I'm not okay. No one gives a flying fuck that I'm never going to make enough money to get out of debt and support myself. No one gives a goddamn that I am going to be a burden to those around me in every single scenario for the foreseeable future. No one cares that I hate myself and my life every single waking second of every goddamn day and all I want to do is go somewhere and curl up into a ball and wait for death to come.
All they care about is that I don't die while they're looking. They don't care about the lifetime of misery and hopelessness I have to "look forward" to. All they give a shit about is that I keep living miserably so they can keep being happy.
|
self.depression
|
I need some advice please. This is probably going to be a long ramble, so i apologise in advance.
I've been seeing a therapist since February circa, but it only helps me momentarily. It's getting extremely worse and I have no idea what to do or who to turn to. I've been going for long walks to clear my mind, and it does help for a little bit but then I end up feeling worse than ever before.
I'm also 99% sure I have BPD. I know I will never be able to have a stable relationship/friendship. I'm learning to come to terms with it because no matter how much I try I just can't control it, it's stronger than me and it always will be. No one has idea how many times I've cried and begged for help but the only thing I've been told all my life is to 'grow up' and to 'stop acting like a victim'.
I used to be a pretty confident and outgoing person, but now I feel like i'm slowly going insane, and I'm sure that it will only get worse. I know that it sounds strange but I can feel it coming, I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know it's inevitable.
I forgot how to interact with people, I've been messing up my words and just overall acting awkward which never used to happen before. I don't want to talk to anybody, I've been snapping at my family for just saying 'hi' to me, talking to anybody just feels exhausting and mentally draining.
I've been crying every day for three weeks now and I can't take it anymore, I'm really struggling to cope right now. What can I possibly do? Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks for reading.
|
self.depression
|
I'm about to catch the bus I've lost everything. My boyfriend, my apartment, anyone who ever cared about me.
My boyfriend was going behind my back to make plans to move out Christmas fucking weekend.
I have a court date coming up that I'm terrified about.
I went to the store and bought what I needed.
Straight razor blades, and a 1/2" thick 15' long rope which I plan to tie around my closet door handle and throw it over the top. I'm bringing in a patio chair that I can kick away when I'm ready.
It's probably going to be painful
And I better not fucking survive.
I hate this life I've completely ruined
I'm a loser, an alcoholic who's just lost the best thing she ever had
If there's an afterlife, I hope it gets better.
I wish I could go back and fix things.but I can't.
I'm not sure if I'll do it tonight. J wanted to spend one last night with him.
I don't know why.i know he doesn't love me anymore.but five years is a long time to be with somebody.
I'm sorry
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Ive fucked up! The last few months of 2017 was terrible for me, i tried breaking up with my boyfriend but instead went on a break i cant put up with his shit anymore his drinking got out of control and he gets violent when hes pissed not physical but mentally, he's fucked with my head, my depression came back so bad i tried telling him i was lonely and shit but he just laughed at me. Work was getting to me there was so much pressure i couldn't take it, so i quit and now have no money for rent which is my own fault i let my feeling get on top of me
i have been afraid to live lately all ive been thinking about is killing myself but this weekend was my sisters birthday partty5and i saw a little bit of light that told me to hold on, but now its too late as ive already fucked up.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Welp, I’m “toxic,” I guess. I had tried to reach out to one of my really good friends for over a year now, with no response. I have not been the best person and she has seen the very worst of me—the suicide attempts, binge drinking, everything. I started to improve and finally dig myself out of my hole, but she never responded.
For some reason I was just really angry with life this weekend and finally asked what her deal was. And I finally got an answer—which was actually a relief for me. But the answer wasn’t so great. Basically, she said I was a toxic person and she had to “cut the negativity out of her life.” She claimed she didn’t have the energy to deal with me anymore.
I really wanted to plead my case, and say I’m better now, that I do care, etc. But then I realized there’s really no point. So I just said thank you. Then she blocked me. Part of me was glad I finally know, part of me was hurt, part of me was pissed. But looking back I really can’t blame her. I was a terrible person. But it kind of sucks she can’t be around to see that I’ve changed.
I don’t know, I needed to get this off my chest. I have no friends and now I have a pretty good idea of why. And I don’t know how to feel about it.
|
self.bipolar
|
Risperidone / Risperidal I have been on Risperidone for about 2 months now to help treat my bipolar and it works great but I have extreme joint pain/ stiffness from it. I'm assuming it's from the Risperidone because my dose was just recently increased and the pain has gotten a lot worse.
Anyone else have this problem or any recommendations on how I can lessen these negative side effects?
Edit: almost forgot, I told my Dr about this and he put me on Cogentin about a week ago. Little to no help and didn't like the side effects from it (couldn't function).
|
self.bipolar
|
Dear mom.... I am sorry that I decided not to spend Christmas at your new house this year.
The truth is that me and my partner aren't nearly close to being done processing what happened at your house this summer.
What happened and how it was dealt with was so painful for both of us. So much so that even though your boyfriend has sincerely apologized more than once it is not enough to make us feel safe in your home. We simply need more time.
And I also need an apology from you. I feel that you still blame me for everything. Even though I didn't do anything wrong. I know this because I've analyzed the situation over and over again trying to find out what I did or said that may have worked as a catalyst for what happened even though my partner has been telling me over and over again from the start that I didn't do anything wrong. As I said, I didn't do anything.
You guys were the ones who were drunk when me and my partner came back after visiting some friends. And I think this may be why you still blame me. Because you simply don't remember what happened.
And yes. After everything I still make up excuses for you and your boyfriends behavior. This is probably because it hurts to much to think that you remember and think that I deserved everything. For absolutely no reason you started to put me down, disrespect me and talk about me in a degrading manner to the others (our partners) while I was right there. And when I stood up for myself and told you I didn't want to take yours or anyone else's garbage anymore you just turned up the volume and didn't even flinch when your boyfriend drunkenly interfered.
It got so far that both of you were screaming insults at me at the same time while I was struggling to stay calm, keep my voice down and hold the tears back. You broke me. In the end I shouted as well. I remember the feeling of complete defeat and disappointed in myself while I shouted "I am I quiet person! I don't like communicating by screaming at each other! It completely drains me". This was when my partner went out. They couldn't take it anymore. I followed them shortly after.
We talked. I calmed down and we went back to the kitchen to get some water. You were on the couch. Alone. Crying. Believe me. Every single cell in my body wanted to fall back, like the other times and hug you, wipe your tears and tell you that was sorry and that we will figure everything out. But the truth is, for the first time and much thanks to the conversation with my partner, I knew that I had absolutely nothing to apologize for. The struggle in my head paralyzed me for something that felt like fifteen minutes but it was probably just some seconds. Despite the emotional pain I managed to walk away for the first time in my life of twenty eight years.
I didn't sleep much that night.
The day after you and your boyfriend apologized for the situation escalating to that level but you never apologized for the things that were said. You haven't to this day apologized for calling me weak and slightly stupid or for yelling at me when I told you I was neither weak or stupid or for letting your boyfriend join inn on the insult spewing that happened as a result of me standing up for myself. You have never apologized for blaming me and making me feel guilty for leaving your home earlier than expected.
Every time I've tried to have a grown up and calm conversation about this you either end up crying or calling me ungrateful, dramatic or other new insults.
I really appreciate all our good times and everything good you have ever don to me but it doesn't give you the right to treat me poorly or disrespectful with out there being consequences.
During the process of recovering from the mental and emotional challenges after growing up with a abusive stepfather (thank god you decided to divorce him) I promised myself that I would try to become better at standing up for myself and don't take unjustifiable insults from anyone. Including my family.
I know that this Christmas is special for you because it is the first one you will celebrate in your new home.
A part of me still wants to pretend that nothing happened and try to do my very best to make sure everyone has a good time. I even think it could become a peaceful and memorable evening. But the truth is that this Christmas is special for me as well. It's the first Christmas that my partner will celebrate with my family and I am terrified by the thought of it ending up as that night. Because I want them to have a safe, warm and relaxed Christmas celebration filled with love, good food, good conversation and the feeling of being welcomed to our family.
So I hope that you will respect my decision. I know by the tone of your voice on the phone that you will make sure I regret my decision by blaming me for ruining Christmas for you. I need time to process everything and we need to talk and work on how to communicate like grownups.
And Christmas isn't the time for that conversation.
I love you.
I am so sorry for the long post. I needed to get this of my chest and typing it out in another language gives me perspective and has helped me clear my head and become more sure that I made the right decision.
|
self.offmychest
|
How to handle disagreements/Arguments Let me preface this by saying that I take my meds every day (20 mg citalopram & 100 mg of seroquel). Whenever I try to up my anti-depressant I get into a manic phase that is extremely disruptive, so I don't want to adjust my meds. I need to adjust myself and my own reactions.
Whenever I get into a disagreement or argument with someone I care about it SUCKS. I feel like they hate me. When someone is mad at me or when we're arguing it's difficult to resist thoughts of self-harm... also difficult to resist self-harm itself. I feel weird talking about this so openly but I need help. It feels like the end of the world and I beat myself up like crazy and I just want it to stop. I want to just argue like a normal person without all the extra drama/self-loathing!
Edit: originally put the wrong dosage
|
self.bipolar
|
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