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Have you ever been told you're cold but in reality you are the opposite? I've been told I am cold and emotionless but that's just what they see. I cry frecuently at home and feel that if someone would see me crying, I would feel completely voulnerable. Same happens with expressing how I feel. If anyone knew how I really feel, I would think they would use it against me or take advantage. Maybe they would think less of me, as someone weak and fragile.
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self.depression
|
I can't stop constantly sucking up to people who I've had confrontations with, even when they are in the wrong. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Just because I'm nice doesn't mean you can take advantage of that. Yes, my co-workers have saved my butt in certain situations. I'm grateful for that. But I'm starting to wish they didn't. They pile work on top of me, while they sit for hours on their phones. Out of the 3 of us, I'm the only one who is constantly working.
What tipped me over the edge was when we had a staff meeting that was indirectly about me. They handed me a piece of paper of what my job duties were. My name was on there 7 times. Meanwhile, the other two were only mentioned 3 times. Keep in mind, they earn way more than me. On top of that my boss handed me another piece of paper with the job duties of the position above me. When I asked her why she gave me it, as I don't get paid for that position. She shrugged her shoulders and said "You've been here two years, it's your duties.".
I deserve happiness and positivity in my life. I am no longer scared of change or the unknown. Most things have to be better than the situation I'm in.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm getting institutionalised I made a plan to kill myself. If I were to carry it out there would be a literal 0% chance of survival. I'm giving myself one more chance to get better, so I'm telling my councillor about it. I'm 15, a minor, so I'm sure that I'll get sent to a mental hospital if I tell her. If this doesn't help, once I'm out, I could always kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does Christmas make anyone else sad? Idk what it is but theres something about christmas that just makes me sad. New years eve also makes me sad. Idk if its the end of the year or what but even hearing christmas music just makes me feel lonely.
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self.offmychest
|
I need some people to talk about some issues? Hi, I know I might seem desperate for help but its true. I don't have alot of friends irl i can really open up to and talk to some things about so I've decided to turn strangers on the internet (yay). But seriously I going through alot of problems thats too lengthy to write down here i was wondering if anyone would be available for a chat?
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self.depression
|
Where do I start? My low self esteem definitely has caused a lot of anxiety in my life. It’s crippling, and keeps me from doing things I want to do. I’m not sure whether I should work on things I’m self conscious about, or work on the fact that i’m self conscious at all. There are a lot of things I don’t like about myself.
I’d like to be less afraid of social situations. I’d like to stop seeking approval from others. Be a normal weight. Be a little more confident. Have better hygiene. I also wish i cared about things more, and wish i wasn’t afraid to feel things. Then maybe I could enjoy something. Idk. maybe i should just get therapy..
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self.Anxiety
|
Stupid To me life is about intelligence and a measure for every emotion I feel!!! So when I feel stupid I always feel sad and stupid and like I need to die, but when I don't I feel pretty excited but that feeling of excitement is becoming scarcer by the day because in starting to accept that I really just am a stupid useless fuck!!! I just wish Artificial Intelligence was already a big thing and that there was an AI God to save me!!! Otherwise anyone that can assassinate me with little pain would be grateful
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like I'm trapped in life and don't know what to do about it Hey guys and girls,
I am feeling so anxious because I will go to sleep in an hour and have to wake up in 8 hours to go to work. I'm currently studying as Software Developer since August in Germany in a part time work part time school system.
I actually mostly like working there and it is definitely the job I want to do, but I feel anxious every time I think about going there and sometimes also when I'm there.
Most mornings I get panic attacks and sometimes I have to puke then. I don't feel well at all and my heart is racing right now thinking about it. I made an appointment at a psychologist, but I was there just once now. He said he can't tell me, if I should continue studying or quit.
I also feel like I can't just quit, because I live together with my mother and can't just not have any income anymore. I am 21 right now and finally want to do something. I also am not entirely sure those symptoms come purely from work. I also was very anxious when I went to school, but I could skip school a lot without too much trouble, so it wasn't as bad as right now.
I just have no idea what to do right now. I am feeling like I just don't want to live this life (I'm not suicidal though, I don't wan't to die).
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self.offmychest
|
I've Applied for Dozens of Jobs and Haven't Even Received a Call Back I graduated college almost a year ago now, and I still can't find any work. Depression/anxiety makes it hard for me to even go through the process of applying because I just assume that I won't be getting it. And so far, I've been right.
Even shitty retail jobs for the season haven't given me any reaction. I see Now Hiring signs still outside of places I applied for. It's so frustrating to force yourself through your mental issues and do something that makes you feel awful and still have it not pay off.
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self.depression
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Sooo, I really dont know what do right now.... [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else get object size distortions / zoomed in vision indeffinately last month or so the people I regularly look at as well as objects keep fluctuating in their width , height and size. Meaning sometimes everyone's forehead looks way to big or sometimes their cheeks like stretched out like widescreen. Sometimes their heads and bodies just look overall way to big. It's gotten to the point where people my height (5"8) look like people who are 6 feet tall and people who are six feet look like 7-8 foot giants.
This is just one of many symptoms but it's one of the weirdest. One of the most annoying to deal with is the severe brain fog.
I've read about Alice in wonderland syndrome but not sure I have hat as it says people usually have it in short bursts then it goes away. Mine started about 2 months ago and keeps getting worse.
I've had brain MRI , ct scan, blood work , eeg. I have insisted to my doc and neuro that it feels like there's not enough blood going to my brain (another symptom I have is feeling like I'm dizzy/drunk 24:7) but have yet to have any tests that would show that. Both my doc and my neuro have told me they "don't think it could be that" even tho I have numb arms hands legs and feet as well have taken pics documenting of my veins getting smaller consistently over 3 months.
Anyway not to keep ranting but I am just trying to possibly find anyone who has experienced something similar or heard of anything that might be causing this. And or if there's anything else I should get medically tested. I've told my doc I really think they should do blood vessel test of the brain (mra) which I'm willing to pay for privately but he doesn't want to due to their being a very small risk of the dye harming my kidneys. I just feel so stuck and lost
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self.Anxiety
|
UPDATE to an old post about Fiancee being Neglectful during an episode (me 30/F; him 30/m) So, last time I posted, I was hurting over the neglect my fiancee put me through before and after a pretty bad episode. A lot of people chimed in and helped me formulate the questions I needed to ask myself and questions I needed to ask about my relationship. When I was in therapy a few years back, and learned how to communicate clearly to my fiancee when I would start to feel a depressive episode coming on. About 2 months ago, every aspect of my life started to fall apart, and I really needed something to trust and believe. I asked him to do something romantic for me. Something small, but just SOMETHING. Some flowers from the grocery store would be ok. And I wasn't asking him to spend a ton of money, I was just asking him to think about me, and bring me something that could help me not feel so badly about the world around me. A month and a half went by, I got worse and worse, and still, nothing. And this wasn't the first time I had experienced this from him either. Neglect to someone who needs to be seen is ROUGH to deal with.
My update includes a discovery. My roommate had come home one day and said she finished doing testing for ADHD. Two days later she mentioned that her medication was helping her focus immensely. I asked her for more details about the symptoms, and BOOM, it clicked. My fiancee definitely has ADD (not ADHD because he's capable to being still.) We took some quizzes online, reviewed the symptoms and aligned it to his inconsistent behavior. It all made sense. He had to go to the therapist at his school (he's finishing his BA), and from there he would be able to sign up for an official test. After the therapy session, he realized A LOT of things. He has anxiety, which I used to not be able to recognize, but now I do see he has it. He was also severely abused as a kid (I already knew this), but now we both see that the abuse stemmed from his mom being 1) impatient and overall perhaps not a great mother, and 2) unaware of his ADD. He was always punished for not following through with things, but now we know, he neurologically cannot do the things that others can.
Sigh. We've been together 8 years and I can't believe it's taken this long to realize he has anxiety and ADD. Undiagnosed ADD can KILL a relationship (I read some articles). I am just happy now to know what we can do to improve. The difficult part is realizing that we are both severely damaged from painful childhoods/pasts. Realizing that we must put in A LOT more work to make our relationship work is overwhelming, but honestly, if I can survive an abusive dad, verbally abusive mom, drug addiction and rape, then I KNOW I can put in the work to make this relationship work. We love each other so much, and I'm happy to say that we finally are fully aware of each other's mental health.
Thanks for reading!
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self.depression
|
dad thinks it's so easy to switch meds he wants to get me off lexapro (which seems to be working) and switch to another one just because it's cheaper (he can buy lexapro, he just doesn't want to spend money on these kinds of things) and he doesn't care about side effects. I was feeling so good these days and arguing with my father has me so affected right now, I'm so pissed and enraged and sad and I fucking want to destroy this universe right now. My dad once got **USED MEDS** instead of buying Quetiapine for my sister who was used to one brand and it wasn't even the right dose, he just wanted free shit and didn't care about us. He doesn't care about my mental health, I'm the only one who fucking cares. I hate this world, people are shit.
I don't know if I'm ranting and being a brat but I'm fucking pissed right now because Lexapro is working and he wants me to switch meds because it's cheaper. Like my psychiatrist prescribed me lexapro for a REASON BECAUSE PAXIL DIDN'T WORK.
I feel like I'm so disposable.
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self.depression
|
Illusion of suppression Does anyone else seem to partially suppress their baseline mood?
I for example can go through the working week just about appearing 'normal' (with great difficulty) and have something as small as music set me off into the manic/depressive side, just to have it set off and start dictating things?
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self.bipolar
|
Finally making progress (?) Hi everyone! New to this sub but I’ve been dealing with my anxiety disorder along with depression for around 8 years now. I’ve been on 3 different medications that didn’t work too well for me but I finally got up the courage to see a new doctor and she’s referred me for counseling and she prescribed me new medication (Viibryd, if anyone is curious). I’m actually really optimistic about this and I’m excited to see where things go from here. My anxiety the past few months has been relentless, and I’ve been afraid it’s going to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend and my friends, family, etc so I feel like the fact that I went through with going to the doctor and everything is some serious progress. I don’t say this often but I’m proud of myself.
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self.Anxiety
|
The closer I am to people/friends, the less I want to be around them, or talk to them. This has been a problem for so long, and I have no idea why this is. Be it online friends on discord, where after being in a server for so long and being a known member of the community, i suddenly want to leave, out of no where. Even irl, friends ask to hang out and im such an ass about it i have to make bring an excuse out of my ass, i cant use the mom or dad excuse, and when i do hang out, i internally scream and try so hard to calm myself down, and then i'm silent if its a group or try to bring up some convo that isnt about university if its just us 2. These are nice people, why do i feel the need to disappear, like im not good enough or undeserving of their kindness. Sorry for the messy desc. i should read more i guess :/
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self.depression
|
I want to... die. I've been working 12-hour shifts EVERY DAY. My work is all about sitting in front of a computer 99% of the time. AND I'M STILL BROKE! WHY YOU SAY? Because I can't say NO to my wife and my FAMILY! They ask me for things! Even things that usually needs around 2 months of my salary!
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self.SuicideWatch
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going on vacation soon and could use some advice [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I am doing an online "monitoring" job test (perhaps) for my dictatorship country I recently sent out a lot of cvs for part time translation job positions (didn't look at all the job descriptions just sent them in massive quantity)
Got an offer to do an online translation test for a media company. The job title translates as "monitoring". Without thinking much about the title I accepted to do the test because job=money and media translation would be fun.
The deadline will pass before I finish writing this post.
Received the video link today and it's a clip of a foreign debating news where people discuss the political situation of my country. They are talking about matters that are deemed "sensitive" to my government.
And then I realized what "monitoring" could mean: it could be a job that helps "the system" know what "the outside" knows about the inside of my country. I knew this was not something I wanted to do. However, for an hour, my part-time-job-money-seeking brain was rationalizing all the time, telling myself that maybe it's just one kind of the clips that I will have to translated offered the job and that I am overthinking, maybe it will lead to a sort of real spy job and with experience one day I can give inside information out and help overthrow the system where I along with tongs of other people am trapped in and abused and which would be so cool. There's no way I will be working wholeheartedly for the system but I will do this test for potential financial gain.
While watching the video and looking at the hosts debate openly and express themselves without any reserve I feel so sad. They are so free. They choose words to express more acutely and sometimes to provoke. They express intelligently and beautifully in their freedom of speech. And while translating, I had to think about wether I should use a more "peaceful" or neutral word so that the translated piece doesn't look aggressive. It's a mechanical thinking process and I was censoring myself automatically. In the meantime, I identify and sympathize with the values and positions of the hosts. I wanted to cry.
It would be so wonderful to be free.
The hosts in the debate show talked about the history event of a mass abuse and how the current situation in my country has some similarities to that period. It was a time where a lot of otherwise normal people participated in violent abusing others simply because they were obeying orders. The similarities they are talking about are real. And from an inside perspective there has been indeed more and more political control upon us in the recent two years.
If I get offered the job I would be doing the same. I would be helping the abusers by participating. I would be betraying my own values. Even though it's just a small video watching and translating job, a trivial interchangeable position for them.
I got so conflicted. I don't want to work for a system that deprives of the liberty of the people. When younger I promised myself that I would never work inside "the system" and now my full time job is already kind of "in the system", which is already a betrayal to myself. In the building where I work, the power structure is so visible. Almost nobody, except people who are in power, holds their head straight (imagine the neck of a dog being reprimanded for doing something wrong on everybody). Clients openly yell at service providers (which I am one) to criticize them. Everyday I hear them finding faults and throwing minor and sometimes minor tantrums. Reminiscent of the massive abuse history.
I hate this country full of abuse, from family to school to larger degrees. And I am looking for these part time jobs in the ultimate hope to one day move somewhere else. It might sound easy but for me the challenge is psychological. I was, like a lot in the country, conditioned to perceive myself as helpless and it takes time for me to build more hope and get a better mental health.
The deadline has passed now and I didn't continue or submit. It's not the first time that I bail a translation test. Last time was years ago where there was a test opportunity to work in the government's translation office or something to translate for government officials.
So that's it. Paranoidly hoping no one is monitoring this sub or my phone.
Received phone call from them and told them that this position is too difficult for me.
In case anyone sees this I will come back to report for safety. Feeling so agitated and irrationally paranoid.
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self.offmychest
|
Low Self Esteem & Depression How intertwined are these two conditions? I am under the impression that low self esteem fuels depression, but I want to know the specifics of how they affect each other. My low self esteem makes up my entire personality and affects every waking thought and decision.
Sorry if this seems like an obvious question that I should ask my therapist, but she's treating me for anxiety only right now.
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self.depression
|
I feel really bad about how my anxiety affects my family. Ok, so basically i’ve been recently diagnosed with anxiety. although i don’t take meds for it, i still go to therapy, which is usually inconsistent as of schedule and i tend to get distracted in my conversations with my therapist.
Anyways, my issue is that every day i come home from school, i NEED to be in my room because it’s a controlled, quiet, and peaceful environment for me to recharge in and get my “me-time”. without being alone for most of the night, i get very anxious.
most of the time, i get anxiety attacks if my family talks to me too much or if something goes wrong. even something little. i feel like a ticking time bomb all of the time. i start crying and getting the “flight” response where i kick everyone out or walk away in order to control my environment, which means i start lashing out at my family. who are just trying to talk to me.
it makes me feel horrible. they did nothing wrong and all they’re trying to do is include me but all i do is push them away. even when they invite me to watch a movie it stresses me out because i can’t handle how my dad asks so many questions (this probably has to do with the fact that i’m a HSP too).
on top of that, my parents had a period of time recently when they were constantly bickering because of how stressed they were about my mom getting a new job. they would often put a lot of blame on my sister and me for the fact that the house was a mess.
that led to me avoiding any interaction even more. now it’s at the point where i don’t eat until i know that no one is in the kitchen (we usually don’t eat at the same time because my dad is usually busy taking phone calls and we just haven’t sat at the table for years) and i haven’t watched a movie with them in months and i rarely go out shopping/to dinner when i can avoid it.
i don’t hate them and i don’t think they’re bad parents at all. they’ve raised me well. i love them so much but i can’t help but shut myself away. all they want to do is help sometimes but i don’t let them.
all i can think is that they must feel like shit. i don’t want to make them doubt themselves or feel like they’ve been bad parents or that they haven’t improved on the bickering. they have. it’s just i don’t want to lash out at them or have an anxiety attack in general and start crying because they feel like they need to solve an emotional problem when really i just need space and time and i’ll be fine.
i just can’t help but feel like a burden/disappointment/i’m making them feel like shit parents.
i just kinda had to put this out there. sorry it’s so long.
tl;dr: my anxiousness and need to be alone to recharge causes me to push my family (esp. my parents) away and avoid contact with anyone. i feel horrible because i feel that i’m making them feel like they’ve failed at being there for me when they’ve done pretty much nothing wrong.
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self.Anxiety
|
Felt depressed because I had a good day? My boyfriend and I went shopping yesterday. Normally I have panic attacks and get overwhelmed but for whatever reason yesterday went really well. We shopped, bought some stuff, got dinner and drinks and then came home and watched a movie.
During it though, I got extremely depressed because I was thinking about how if I was normal and I felt fine all the time like that how many arguments could be avoided and how I could just actually enjoy things. So instead of taking advantage of feeling ok for once, I was instead depressed af because I could see how my anxiety always ruins everything. If anything, it made me feel worse. Anyone else experience this?
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self.Anxiety
|
My disease defines me People always talk about who they used to be before they were depressed and how they want to go back, but I’ve never felt that way. I can’t remember a time before I was depressed. I can’t fix my depression because I am my depression. Wash away the grime and there’s no person left underneath. The only way to end my suffering is to kill myself or handle my depression, and clearly the second one isn’t possible.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hi. Life is kind of crap right now. I know it'll get better. And there's highs and lows every day. But right now, it kind of sucks
That is all. Sorry.
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self.offmychest
|
I have a week off from work and I am losing my mind. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can't stop feeling nauseous I feel nauseous about myself everyday, all the time, undeserving of empathy, undeserving of being loved. Can't stop the memories of humiliation from my younger years, and when I think of the future I feel even worse. Can't imagine myself carrying an adult life. I feel inept, terribly so, It's nauseating... imagining ever getting married for example. I feel sick literally like I want to throw up.
How do you cope with the feelings of worthlessness?
I try to convince myself that all I'll ever be is a tiny spec of flesh in this big blue world, and so should stop caring about those thoughts. But they always return everyday to haunt me.
It's impossible to rationalize this.
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self.depression
|
I want to kill myself a lot these days I’m just so disconnected from everything and everyone. I can’t meet new people, and it is making me hate my life. The only girls I meet are through work, and I’d rather keep these relationships professional. Girls I meet other ways never last, and I don’t know how to stop talking to them. I’m always holding onto the shred of hope that we will pick up where we left off, when I know this isn’t going to happen.
I can’t let go of the relationships that didn’t work because I am unable to create new ones.
I’m alone as I’ve ever been. I can’t even have guy friends because I’m bad with competition. I don’t even realize it, it’s all subconscious. I’m an asshole and I’ve just been a dick to people who just don’t deserve it. I’ve been so selfish.
I guess I can be happy that I’ve started to make changes. They say change your habits and your mind will follow. Well I’ve improved my habits greatly over the past year, so why am I still a piece of shit. Why am I still unable to let go of the failed relationships. Why am I unable to move forward from all this.
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self.depression
|
Considering trying LSD after 2 years of being on SSRI's I'm 28. When I was 16 I got my first panic attack. That lasted for about 6 years on and off. I havent had one in a few years now. However I think I've had depression for almost 10 years now. 3 years ago I decided to seek professional help and along those years I was on different SSRI's and other medications like Xanax, Lyrica, Seroquel, Mirtazapine. I few months ago I stopped going to my doctor because we went full circle with Zoloft. Started taking it, tried other 2 alternatives and returned to zoloft because that worked best, keep in mind that happened in a 3 year period. I tapered off zoloft and have been clean for about 4 months now. I've been able to handle it ok I guess but my depression is still there. The same as it was before I sought medical help. I'm curious and considering trying a small dose of LSD. I'm feeling stuck. This feeling has been ongoing for over 5 + years now. I want to have a new perspective. People keep saying I'm smart and I have limiting beliefs and so on. I don't know anymore. I know I'm not the best person to take lsd because of my anxiety history. Any advice is welcome.
TL;DR - After 10 years of depression and 2 years of taking SSRI'S. I'm considering taking LSD to gain new insight and perspective of my life and understand why I've been feeling stuck for years now.
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self.depression
|
Cutting friends out of your life Is this normal for someone who has bipolar disorder? I've been talking to a girl online every single day for over a year and out of the blue with no warning she cut me out of her life.
I know she had autism but I was wondering if other co-morbid symptoms like this was possible. She mentioned once that she was very interested in researching bipolar disorder and schizophrenia so I'm wondering if she had it or not.
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self.bipolar
|
Confused on how things will help me after I seek help and take medication [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Sick of feeling like this. Suggestions? Been dealing with Anxiety since 2014 (first panic attack and haven’t felt the same since) and lately it’s just gotten worse. Since then I have had my days or months where I did get some lingering anxiety, but now it’s crippling. I’m practically home bound. Anytime I have to leave my house I feel the onset of an attack brewing. I get heart palpitations walking up the street to get my daughter from daycare and it kills me, as well as my fiancé wanting to go out for a date night or simply to the grocery store. I mentally try to get past it but it just doesn’t work out for me. Been taking Klonopin for about two years but it’s like taking ibuprofen for a headache, it might take away the pain but it can come back.
Can anyone recommend things they do to settle they’re anxiety or medication they take to combat generalized anxiety? I haven’t gone to see a therapist, and I can’t right now due to insurance purposes. Thanks
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self.Anxiety
|
I pray to die every day Each day I pray to God to die. I say "God, please let me die right now. Please let me have a brain aneurism and die. Please kill me Lord." Every day is so painful, I have no reason or will to live. At night I pray to God to have me die in my sleep. Each morning I wake up again and have to suffer another day. I just want the torture and suffering to end. God, why do You leave me to suffer? Why won't You end this pain? I just want to die God. My heart is broken and I will never again know peace or happiness. Life is a horrible nightmare that i can't escape from. I cant commit suicide. God, please end my life. I want my heart to stop, I want my breath to stop. God, please hear me and end my suffering. I'm so sad and broken, I can't bear this pain. Please God, I ask nothing else of you other than death. Please answer my prayers and let me die, PLEASE GOD! Life is so miserable, there is no end in sight. God, please hear my cry and stop my heart right now, have a vein burst in my end and end my life right now, this very instant. Please don't leave me to suffer God, end this now.
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self.depression
|
new to reddit...climbing out a hole this is my first ever post here. so i'm adjusting to a new medication. it's been a few weeks, and i think i like it, but there is abounding chaos that is preventing me from a follow-up visit to my psychiatrist so we can increase the dose. which i think would be extremely beneficial at this point. i'm climbing out of a hole i spent about a year in because my previous medication had me in an emotional flatline, and now i'm feeling just sort of depressed with those bits of sparks you feel when life is returning. it's like i'm waking up and knowing i have to wait at least another month to get the meds adjusted again because of Other Crap makes me fidgety and irritated. so i came to this place to just chat and feel things out mostly because my husband says it's a great place for this sort of thing. i have a blog i've been writing more and more in, and that is helping somewhat, but i kind of feel...stuck.
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self.bipolar
|
Suicide doesn’t scare me anymore I kept posting on other subreddits about how scared of suicidal thoughts I was. It’s gotten to the point where it doesn’t anymore. I’m resigned to the fact that I will probably be the cause of my own death.
I just stopped caring. Why try to fight the thoughts.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
dissociation? I am dealing with a lot of anxiety/depression/family issues at the moment, so i'm chalking this up to mental health. I keep getting these waves where i feel like i'm floating and that my body isn't mine. It is strong for 5 minutes and then doesn't completely go away until I go to sleep.
Is this dissociation? I have trouble distinguishing dreams from reality, and believing things are real.
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self.Anxiety
|
I wanna die but death scares me My fear of death is one of the few things that has kept me from offing myself. I would love to be off Earth and away from most of society, but Earth is all I'm familiar with - I don't know what happens when I die. No one knows, even if we can all guess. Death feels so... alien to me. Like something that will come at some point, if not initiated by me, and yet something so unfamiliar and uncertain. I'd love to be off this planet, but no matter how much I hate myself, I wouldn't choose death with that option.
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self.depression
|
discuss my depressing q's pls It's weird that I'm here on reddit cos 2 months ago I convinced myself depression is irrelevant. I realized life is hard and I just have to be a grown up on my own and get my shit together. (which is both true and untrue, sorry if that statement triggers harsh feels about oneself)
I could go on a rant here about how I struggle to form intimate (or any) relationships, or how my parents are sort of the start of my helplessness, or how I feel I've lost my "glory years" to self-depreciation. But eh, I don't really want to go back into that box of impossible darkness like I do when I rant about my life's sadness.
What we probs want to really hear (aside from consolation) is how to move on with life despite all this shit. So I'll turn the question on y'all.
How do you move on when you don't have a clear 'self' to move on with?
How do you cope with the idea that you will always be hard to deal with (given ur depression shenanigans)?
How do you find the drive to take full responsibility of your life without anyone to really lean on?
And the big gahuna:
How do you find peace with relationships (like those central familial ones) that you may never be able to feel satisfied with? How do you move on and recognize their place in your life and keep it at that?
(sorry if these questions are sort of impossible, being depressed makes me think this way)
tl;dr: a downward spiral brings light to some big life questions. looking for either consolation, answers to questions or just any opinions about depression in general.
(I really like thinking about depression and have a lot of conflicting opinions about it that I hold dearly)
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self.depression
|
Is being sent to the mental hospital via the police an arrest? X post from legal advice I've been handcuffed and sent to the mental hospital by riding a police car but I've never been brought to jail nor court nor have I been charged.
Is it considered an arrest if they were mainly just transporting me to the mental hospital?
If it is an arrest would it show on my records and would I need it to be expunged?
I ask on bipolarreddit because it's likely someone else here has been brought to the mental hospital via police as well.
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self.bipolar
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Can't wait to go on my solo vacation after Christmas and New Years. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I feel like giving up I've got high ambitions, but I feel like giving up. Somebody please help, because I've seen plenty of things that happen in depression and they all come from giving up. Somebody please help, I feel confused and conflicted and I feel like I tried everything I could but still fucked everything up.
sixteen yo guy in HS
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self.depression
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Sometimes it's too much I got back to work after Christmas, and everything was too much to bear. Too much responsibility, too hard work (just the usual average work of everyday) etc.
I didn't sleep the night before due to anxiety and bad dreams linked to work.
I met my partner and everything was too hard: asking for what I want for dinner, or just saying I needed 5 minutes to go to the bathroom.
I sometimes take herbal supplement for my anxiety but I ran out of them. Just ordered new ones but they will arrive tomorrow.
What do you do when everything seems too hard to bear?
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone have any way to get over obsessive impulses? I have really obsessive tendencies and I think it plays heavily into my anxiety so does anyone have any tips to get over these? I am willing to discuss further in private if anyone is willing to help further since I am sort of freaking out a lot due to it so yea. Any tips would be awesome. Thanks in advance
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self.Anxiety
|
"Go out and have fun" Always in the top 5 of advise people give for people with depression. And I promise I tried seriously hard to do exactly that. I went climbing, I went clubbing, I went on holiday. However it just feels like escapism and is just making my problems worse.
There is no escape.
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self.depression
|
Randomly feeling panicked for a couple of seconds throughout the day Anybody else get these short Bursts of feeling panicked throughout the day?
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self.Anxiety
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Man I just don't have no one to talk with [deleted]
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self.depression
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Im at the end of my rope and im only 18. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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im 24 a late bloomer and girls find me undateable and unattractive. how do i find my first girlfriend when no girl will give me a chance [deleted]
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self.depression
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i don't feel the need to kill myself but i'm doing it anyway to me, at least, i don't see the need to kill myself. what i want is to stop existing. i don't even matter to anyone–so i just wish to just stop existing. i drink myself to the point of blackouts almost every day and i smoke a pack a day.
just wanted to share this. maybe i do want to kill myself–i just don't know it. what do y'all think
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self.depression
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left job early because of anxiety Hi.
I was hired on at Target in early October as a seasonal worker. It was important to them that I could work Black Friday weekend. The first day I was supposed to go in for training, I called in sick because I had a horrible panic attack that left me shaking and crying for over an hour. After that I finally went in for training, and got into my job. A week after that I left a few hours early because of another panic attack. Since then it was smooth sailing. I actually looked forward to work, enjoyed being around my coworkers, and to an extent enjoyed my work and tried really really hard to always be happy and smiling and a hard worker. I felt like the store manager was starting to like me and she even gave me a high five the other day. It felt awesome to feel like I was finally a normal human capable of holding down a normal job.
But today, I couldn't handle the crowds for Black Friday. I went in at 5:30 pm, and was basically on the verge of a break down for the first almost 4 hours. That many people swarming around, asking me tons of questions I didn't know the answers to. It was too much. My eyes literally burned from holding back tears, and I was afraid to go to the bathroom because when I did I could barely stop from sobbing and I didn't want people to know I had been crying.
I was supposed to work 5:30 pm to 1 am. At 9:15 I couldn't take it anymore and made up some BS story about my grandma being in the hospital so that I could leave early. Now I'm home and all I can think about is the possibility of me getting fired. I'm scheduled from 11 am to 7 pm tomorrow and fully plan on going in. But I'm so scared everyone will hate me, I'm scared my team leads will hate me, and again I'm scared I will end up losing my job.
I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out.
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel nothing I had rough depression attack , it came fast , it passed fast. Everything took me a year , started looking only at my mistakes, thinking that's life is just a line of painful moments etc. But then it all passed away. I didnt felt pain and I didn't wanted to end this anymore , it was great for a moment. But since my life was just feeling pain , when it was gone there was nothing to replace it. I was empty since then. I sometime smile , laugh or cry , but those emotions die in endless nothingness in me. Nothing can fill it. I stopped even caring about death and live anymore. I just live , do my tasks and proceed. I don't care if it has some point or meaning or not. I don't care about anything. Family , school , future. I just do some things I find interesting (like Since shows etc.) that feeds my brain but not heart that's still empty. Sometimes I think ,,maybe it would change " ; I think , because I can't feel hope. I don't even know why am I writing it and I can't even feel what pushes me to do it. But whatever.
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self.depression
|
I don’t know what I’m going to do now I quit my job because I physically couldn’t cope with it anymore (I’m autistic and have C-PTSD) but I got rejected from all the job interviews I had lined up. I’ll be out of a job in 2 months and are frozen in fear. I tried talking to some coworkers about it but everyone is detachedly sympathetic , not really a comfort... I’m alone and scared and exhausted and I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m so tired I just wish I was dead already.
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self.depression
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Ready Tonight I am in a place of clarity. Tonight I can see everything, including the truth. I can see that I have two options or paths before me. One option is to continue the same. I can continue to lie to myself and pretend to have things I don't have. I can continue to live in denial, put on a fake smile and make a joke about everything, while I continue to die inside. Option 2 is to accept the truth and what it means. I can come to terms with the fact that nothing is ever going to change. I can accept that this is how things will always be, and I can put an end to my suffering. There are those that being alive is worth any price, that life is an amazing thing and everyone should embrace it and enjoy it. However how is a life full of disappointment, pain, suffering, agony and despair a life at all? How is that a life worth living? My life is not a movie, so I can't change the script. My life is not a video game, so I can't hit restart. My life is what it is, whether I like it or not. So the only question left to ask is to live a lie or die a truth? My answer is simply, life has given me nothing but lemons, and I'm so tired of trying to make lemonade. Nothing good has come of my life, and it never will.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Not sure if I'm going to Graduate hs I just can't force myself to get up early and sit in my classes for ages and repeat the same shit over and over while being tired, emotionless, and fed up with life. While watching my classmates living life I'm just sitting there sleeping or being a miserable zombie. Being alone while your around people is a fucking terrible feeling. I just feel so much better skipping and being depressed at my house. I've missed like 10 days the first semester we're closing up to the second semester towards winter break in 2 weeks. Maybe I have 14 days absent +today's absence. Will I make it? Ps: had a meeting with the principle and counselors. I told them about my anxiety they just gave me some bs talk and said we're always here for you but you have to come to school everyday (They really give a Fuck) + I had to sign a paper saying I would come everyday. Whoops. Do grades play a part in not getting kicked out of school lol. I'm honestly really fucking scared. Anyone going through a similar situation? Help would be Greatly Appreciated.
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self.depression
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I’m afraid of telling people about things that matter to me Hey reddit,
I’ve always been self conscious about telling people about things i like, whether it’s personal stories or movies or music.
In past relationships i kinda got shut down for it because they wouldn’t care or tell me it’s stupid and i guess i just started to feel that their interests and themselves mattered more than me.
Now i have a wonderful boyfriend who cares about me so much but I still have the problem of opening up about what I care for. I get so anxious about opening up and i’ll always grow quiet when i talk about something i like or pass it off as stupid and spend the day regretting anything i bring up. I guess i’m afraid of him judging me or showing no interest. I know that this isn’t true and that he does care and wouldn’t look at me any other way but it’s how i’ve always been about things.
Does anyone have some advice? or similar experiences?
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self.Anxiety
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No one cares about me when i'm alive, no one cares about me if i'm dead I have no one I can count on for support. No one cares about me or loves me. I tried overdosing before and I want to do it again because I like how peaceful it is and I really hope I succeed next time. My family gave me so much crap for my intentional overdose attempt and said I was doing it just to get back at my mom or some crap when in reality I did it because of cyberbullying. My family spreads lies all the time about me and paints me as a bad person. I hate them all. They don't care that I'm depressed and hurting. I hate everyone and life itself. If I do succeed in killing myself they will be glad I'm gone finally.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Everything I Hate about My Life Okay, so this shit's been gnawing at my chest for far too fuckin' long and I've really gotta get it out of my system. This will be a bit of a read, so sue me but this is everything that pisses me off about this screwed up bullshit I have to call a life.
1. BEING BORN
Sorry if I'm sounding like an emotional drag, but don't get the wrong idea just yet. What I mean is that I hate the life I was born into and I hate the PARENTS I was born to. My mother was 17 when she got pregnant with me and my dead-beat father was 24. Riddle me why this happened. A love-struck teenager who just wanted some compassion? WRONG! Only fucking reason my mom DID get pregnant with me at that age was to use me as a pawn to cheat a few Benjamins out of my grandparents. Obviously she didn't get her way and the only having to pay the price for it was ME! While she was finishing school, I thankfully had my uncle and grandmother change me every few hours. By the age of 3, my parents got a divorce and I was being torn in half over custody. And all I had at my disposal as a form of "exploration" was being locked in the living room behind a fucking screen so they can do their own shit. Hence the fact that I'm practically 1 IQ mark away from being a fucking vegetable. I never got the orientation I was SUPPOSED to get, I never learned to socialize and my speech was only top notch when I turned 6!
2. SCHOOL
As far as I can recall, I've been a social outcast since preschool but never understood the fuck why. Kids always avoided me, insulted me, pushed me around and just emotionally abused me. All I ever did was try to be nice but always ended up being treated like a bitch. Then comes Elementary School. Same shit, different difficulties. More and more kids kept on avoiding me like I was some sort of parasite and they'd chase me away from their circles like some sort of stray cat. I just became more of an emotionally sensitive wreck who'd cry around every corner. In forth grade, it all went from tears to raw anger, which only made people more of a challenge. Let's face it, I still had humanity and my good nature made me too much of a woose to lift a finger to anyone. Cursing is as far as it would stretch. I had no-one to look to for advice, as I had no rolemodels. Only a neglecting mother who always gave me a fucking stink eye anytime I tried opening my mouth. Now in highschool living with a son-of-a-bitch father (we'll get to that topic soon enough), life always seems to just want me wrecked. Guys always became more violent just because I was one of the good natured weaklings, girls would always come out of nowhere and start teasing me and even offer me a FUCKING TAMPON! The degrading just wouldn't seem to end. I don't get why I have to be bullied around every corner for no reason, all I ever do is try to be a friend to people. But humans are the biggest fuck-up God ever made, so here I am, still a loner and no-one to talk to. Why the fuck would I be writing this then?
3. BEING TALENTLESS AND IMPULSIVE
At some point we all discover what we can do at a young age. But again thanks to my fucked up childhood, I've got nothing. No orientation=No intelligence. I'm only passing my school year with average or below-average grades and NEVER got as much as a damn certificate in my hands. Meanwhile I watch all theses assholes take huge trophies, decorate themselves with medals like a fucking Christmas tree AND getting cheers from everyone. We already discussed my emotional state, you do the math on how this shit makes me feel. I'm one who loves arts, I even wanted to become an actor as a kid, but my dickhead parents kept degrading me and kept trying to pull me to "reality". Now I'm trying to explore it again, I can't draw, I can't sing, I've never touched a musical instrument, and my cooking... let's not go there either. All i really want is to be able to just ACHIEVE or at least FEEL LIKE I DID, but instead, Anytime I watch a movie or read an article about somebody making it big, I always get asked by a family member "Why couldn't YOU do something like that?" You wanna know why? Maybe if I grew up in a normal house, it would've been fucking Different! Instead I was left to fend for myself and never got to learn anything. I only started riding a bike at the age of 10 for Christ's Sake!
4. BEING JEALOUS.
We all have our deadly sin. (If you believe in that bullshit) mine obviously would be envy. I look around, what do I see? Joy. 1 of the many luxuries I wasn't meant to have. I hate almost everyone for having something I want. And no I'm not talking about shit like money, I'm actually a hardworking guy. I mean I envy other people's talents, their knowledge, their social statuses, their looks, the fact that they live like nothing can touch them. Rich, poor, short, tall, doesn't fucking matter, I'm the only one with the death stare on his yearbook photo (literally I haven't smiled to a camera since my 12th birthday). I just can't seem to find it in myself to be happy with anything. Just another reason for writing this.
5. HAVING MY APPEARANCE
As I listed, "jealous of everybody's looks". As the laws of biology States, I have to be plain looking or even below the line. Let's (literally) start from head to toe. I'm only 18 And my hair's already thinning out. I never noticed how severe it was until my fucking father started making fun of Me about it. Now I seem to be the only teen in the schoolyard who looks like a 53 year old. My eyes are too small. I'm not blind, I don't need any glasses but everyone kept making stupid remarks about me being Asian or decent from an Asian. I'm from a fucking Italian family. I have a big button nose with large nostrils. In addition, I suffer from post nasal drip. (Look it up). My cheekbones are really flat and my cheeks just have too much skin/fat, you can practically fold 7 kinds of origami on my face simultaneously. I also have a weak chin thanks to my jaws not being aligned right (lower jaw as shorter). I had to make a habit of keeping my lower jaw extended just to look 2% better, and all I'm getting out of it is toothache from anchoring against my upper teeth. My body is far too lightweight for my age. I weigh 147 lbs (that's 67kg) and can't gain weight easily (yes I'm ectomorphic with a high metabolism), thus making it harder for me to work out. I got a hernia fixed for trying to lift at 15 years old. My limbs, crotch and @$$ are just too hairy. A couple of strands are sprouting from my back and chest as well now. Yet I can't even grow a mustache or a proper beard. And my feet look aweful too. Some bitch from 8th grade gymclass started to cry out "JEW JEW JEW!" when she saw me taking my sneakers off. It's always PEOPLE that make me so selfconscious.
6. NEVER BEING APPRECIATED
Doesn't matter how hard I bust my own ass or for how long, getting a simple "Thank you" is as easy as teaching a mouse to roar. Let's start with my dad. He's the one human I hate most after Kim Jong Un. He always expects me single handedly do most of the manual labour around the house like welding the fences or installing the sprinkler system. Nothing ever comes to mind that I never learned how to do anything HE wants me to do. I ask for help, he snaps. I don't understand the instructions, verbal/psychological/emotional abuse, the project's a fuck up, backhand to the face. Am I to blame? He was never there for me! Then comes... everyone else I guess. I do something right and on time for once, and they take the benefit without even looking MY way.
So there's my splash of depression. Not that this will make any kind of difference, I'm just getting it of my fucking chest.
So see ya, I guess.
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self.depression
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Well, we need more positive posts, don't we? So here I go! I'l start treatment. Therapy + Medication (Lexapro). Wish me luck guys, I'm excited :D
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self.Anxiety
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I was sexually violated too and I can't tell anyone because I started it. I was assaulted too, but my story will never be heard because I was a stupid teenager.
I've posted here and on confession before, so I'm sorry if this is annoying to reread. I'm just posting this one for a different reason.
---
I was very close to my cousin when I was a teenager. When I was about 13-14 and her 11-12 the nature of our relationship seemed to change. Whereas before it was mostly us playing games and having sleepovers, she began sitting on my lap in the center for sexual reasons I believe, and would come to me, stick her butt into my face and tell me to sniff.
One sleepover I gave in to stupid desires and I placed her hand on my genitals for a few, I stopped and didn't do it again. At the time I didn't realize how bad this was, it was even in front of her sleeping family, I truly didn't grasp the gravity.
Another night while we were trying to sleep during a movie she began aggressively trying to put her hand in my pants. I actually physically held my pants back, and she knew I was awake. Once she pulled my pants aside, I actually closed them again and stopped her, and sat up. We didn't do anything else that night.
I swear I caught her staring down my pants, I was half asleep. Later her diary had written in it "I touched him".
---
So she told on me later. She never said she did anything. Our families didn't sit us down and talk about it, they just separated us, told me I was in trouble and a year later we were normal again.
But out of fear I never revealed anything. I never gave my story, nobody ever heard what happened to me.
**I was told recently to let it go, chock it up to childhood experimentation gone a little too far, that we were both at fault and I meant no harm.**
I just don't feel like I can claim I was assaulted, because I technically started everything, and because she was younger and I don't know if younger people can assault you.
#They say the abused may go on to abuse, so these events may have contributed.
When I was 10 I had a 16 year old girl take me and two other boys into the woods, and demand we fight each other to decide who would get to touch her boobs. I backed up and wanted to leave while the other two boys started wailing on each other and she came up to me and made me squeeze them. I looked away while I did it and for years I didn't like breasts for this reason, I just recently realized. **I did not want this.** I realize she was only 16 but this stuck with me for awhile.
Before that I had another cousin who wanted to experiment, we grinded on each other once or twice and got caught. he tried to convince my mom I started it all. he's also the one who convinced my other cousin to tell on me.
My dad was also mentally and sometimes physically abusive. He would yell, call names. threaten and lightly punch.
---
All of this sexual stuff ended shortly after I got into highschool. My family can visit just fine, we all get along. Even me and my cousin can talk.
#The me of now would never disrespect another individual no matter what. I respect all boundaries and empathize with all victims. I even ask my partner permission to touch her body.
I'm sorry for everything I did, I wish my voice could be heard but maybe I don't deserve that.
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self.offmychest
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3 years of university and I've made no friends. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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getting rid of social media has helped i haven't been using any social media accounts for the past 3 or 4 days, and i've noticed my anxiety has definitely lessened. i find it easier to talk to strangers now, i have less trouble making eye contact, i can fall asleep without my heart rate sky rocketing. it's just a weight off my shoulders not having to witness every single aspect of other people's lives, and it helps me focus on my own and get more shit done. this obviously won't work for everyone, but i have hope that this'll be a huge help for myself and for others.
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self.Anxiety
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Need some advice My wife has generalized anxiety - and it’s destroying her. I love her so much and think she is absolutely the perfect woman...so it makes me feel so helpless when she goes through an anxiety bout and thinks that she is a terrible mom, wife, employee, or whatever. I have kept up with it for the past 7 years or so and we’ve had some pretty tough gos with it, but now she’s saying random stuff like she feels like my son doesn’t love her (he’s 3, and has some stubbornness issues) or that i would be better without all of her anxiety and stress.
I know there’s hundreds of millions of people with anxiety and everyone’s is different but I feel like there has to be something I can do here to settle her mind and give her some peace.
She currently does a daily meditation which seemed to help at first but now not so much. She’s tried medicine before but it made her exhausted.
Does anyone have any tips or things for me to try with her? I want her to know that I’m here for her and I want to be her teammate though all of this stuff. Help?
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self.Anxiety
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Somehow the starry-eyed idealist thing isn't really working out for me. You can work hard and not get what you want. You can be honest and open and people won't reciprocate. You just *can't* have faith in anyone or anything; it's impractical.
So many things are crashing down around me, it's like drowning. And I'm an idiot who never learns. I'm so frustrated that I never, ever learn.
My heart hurts.
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self.offmychest
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Being insecure, feeling lonely & lacking confidence is killing me and I don't know how to overcome it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Unlovable There is nothing attractive about me. I'm just worthless. All I know is rejection. I've been miserable and alone for the last 10+ years. I'm going to be miserable and alone until I die. I should just kill myself now, and not have to go through it.
How much of a loser must I be? I see all manner of assholes and shitpiles have someone that love them.
I guess I'm just such a big loser that I deserve to be alone and unhappy. I wish I were just dead.
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self.depression
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Self-Help Books On the NHS website it lists "Self-help Books" as helpful. And I don't think it's wrong. I find anything by Aleister Crowley (True will) very helpful, and also the philosophy of Stoicism, so, things like Marcus Arelius' "Meditations" or the work of Epictetus helpful.
Does anyone else read these two, specifically? I'm not really... Ach. I don't want suggestions of modern writers, i just have no friends to talk about these books with.. So thought I'd try here!
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self.bipolar
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I feel Helpless, Hopeless. At this very moment, I do not know what to do. I made this new account for fear i would be sough out.
Recently I was yelled at inappropriately(sexual comments)(I'm a guy) from a supervisor over the phone. This is not the first time but this time they did this. end result had a big panic attack to where i had to be driven to the hospital. My Doctor took me off for 2 weeks Because my blood pressure was sky high. I presented the note to my employer, he accepted the note and said let me know when you are cleared to come back. 4 hours later i'm out of a job and he put quit on my letter.
This happened 2 days before i found out me and my wife are finally having our first baby. We was settled down in a small house and one car, now i'm in the fear of loosing it all. I have been working with this company for 4 years. I hired a lawyer to go after my employer for letting me go on my sick leave and say i quit.
I had no idea lawyers cost soooo much, I tried free lawyers but all told me to get a good lawyer. So atm, i have 400$ to pay for 800$ mortgage, 600$ car payment heatlight, xmas on top of it all and the lawyer needs 2000$ up front to start my legal issues.
I feel like a failure to my wife and unborn child, I can't support them and may have to go away to work. I haven't slept in 2 weeks, lost 20 lbs.
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self.Anxiety
|
I keep hoping I'll get sick, and that's not healthy I am married to a man that has bipolar and PTSD. I also have bipolar. The most important thing you should know is we love each other deeply. We've been together almost 15 years, and things are better between us as people, as they have ever been. Even better than the honeymoon phase. That said...
We are both on disability, which means we spend most of our time at home and a lot of that time, in each other's company. How our different mood disorders present themselves are not particularly similar, so we are each able to be a stong support for the other, usually without exacerbating the others symptoms. He helps to really ground me when I get stressed out and start experiencing manic symptoms (he tries when I'm depressive, but usually I'm the only one that can effectively pull myself out of it). He helps me problem solve a great deal - he sees things rationally and with a skeptical eye, where I tend to lean toward a more optimistic, even if less realistic, solutions. He has helped me get my financial status not just stable, but with his help I went from being a ridiculous amount of debt with just about as bad of a credit score a person can get, to having almost $10,000 in credit, only 6% of it used and savings in the bank. Considering we live on a collective $30,000 a year, that's not too bad imo. The point is, my husband has changed my life for the better unquestionably and in a plethora of ways, and he is the only man I can ever imagine spending my time with.
I'm experiencing a kind of pressure/stress that I have not dealt with before, and I'm not sure how to handle it. Over the last three years I have assumed more and more responsibility at home. He is also agoraphobic, so he can't go out in public without it taking a serious toll, so I take care of errands, grocery shopping, going to the dump, etc. He also has a lot of trouble with making phone calls, so I tend to conduct the "business" of the house, paying the bills, etc. These were things that I've always done since we met so no biggy there. On top of that, I love being outside and he is obviously not a fan, so I take care of the yard work/snow removal. While I did these things, he primarily took care of inside chores. It worked out well.
Then he got sick. Several times and back to back. He had mono for just over a year, then vertigo about 3 months after that, then had dislocated ribs, then his depression set in. I got him to the doctor for all of these things, and they were resolved except the depression which has been improving, but while he was dealing with them (this was all over the course of the last 3 years) I had to assume more responsibility inside - which wasn't a big deal. I did it voluntarily and willingly. He was ill, confirmed no bullshit ill.
I just kept up with the responsibilities I'd taken on because it all became part of my routine and it wasn't adding stress at all. I have been fine with it, sincerely. Then last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, my mind was racing and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wish I would get sick. I haven't been in nearly 4 years. I've been wishing to get the flu or a really nasty cold, for about 6 weeks just so I had a legit excuse to simply take a break from all of my responsibilities. This didn't sit right with me....people don't hope to get sick, so I began thinking about why I felt that way. I sat up in bed and decided to make a list of the things I take care of that I wanted a break from.
**These are my responsibilities I deal with on pretty much a daily basis....**
Dishes
Sweeping
Vacuuming
Errands
Social services business
Household business/paperwork (like dealing w/ plumbers or electricians, fuel assistance apps, etc)
House finance management/paying bills
Yard work
Snow removal
Feed/play with/pick up poop of dog (he IS my dog)
Take out trash
Cook all our food
Household nurse
Emotional support for mom and sister
Resident researcher for anything medical
Masseuse (this is on request only)
Sacrifice portions of my share of the household cannabis when we're running low, so he can have an appetite and sleep
All driving
**Plus the things I try to do for myself, including...**
Running/strength training
Laundry
Reading
Smoke and watch mindless television
**Things he does for me and the house...**
Problem solve
Fix broken things
Take care of cat
Helps me maintain my stability through talking my stressors/symptoms out with me
His laundry
He contributes to my mental wellness significantly, but I think we've both gotten so used to living the way we needed when he was really ill, neither of us has recognized the amount of responsibility I have assumed. Like I said, it's all a part of my routine so I don't even have resentment about taking the lion's share, I need to keep busy so it actually is helpful. Usually.
I'm sure that if I brought it up with him, he would be happy to help and will just tell me that I should have just asked him to help because he would...and he would. He is willing to do pretty much anything as long as I ask, I just have a very very difficult time asking for help from anyone, ever.
I don't want him to feel guilty, but I also would like to stop hoping I get sick. It has become such a wish that the other day when I was at the doctor's office waiting for him to come out, a woman moved out of her seat for me and mentioned to not touch the magazine she was reading because she was sick. Once she left, not only did I pick up the magazine but I also started to rub my hands all over the arms of the chair and...god this is gross and really embarassing to admit.....rubbed my hands discreetly on my face, around my mouth, and even licked them. Like, seriously, what the fuck.
I have two friends, one is on the west coast and the other is just a get together for coffee and talk about superficial bullshit kind of friend. My mom and sister have bp and are NOT in stable places like I am, so I definitely can't talk to them about any of my stress...it will only create more stress for me, and that kind of defeats the purpose. Point is, I just don't have anyone to vent to, to unload all of this on and I guess that is why I am posting this. I know what I have to do, I have to just ask for help. I know I'll get it, with 100% certainty. It's just so fucking hard.
Thanks for taking the time to read this monstrosity, I guess at the end of it all I just needed to put it out there, put it down on paper, so to speak.
Now to just get over myself and ask for help....
EDIT: Formatting
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone who uses the term "illegals" can go to hell The potential deportation of "dreamers" in the United States is a very polarizing issue. Sure, both sides can make arguments... but when people refer to them as "illegals" it makes me sick. Trying to dehumanize them like that is fucking disgusting. And some people might say "but that's what they are, illegal immigrants". If that's your opinion, then say that in a rational way and use the full term. The problem is it's always worded like this: "[Enter government leader's name here] thinks we should just let all these illegals into the country". It's basically a universal racial slur and I'm disgusted that this kind of shit still goes around.
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self.offmychest
|
I hope I die in my sleep. I hate myself
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self.depression
|
I want to apply for the bipolar study buy I'm really apprehensive about the privacy policy I have a sneaking suspicion that my genetic data is already out there and tied to my name after getting a biopsy. Who knows what they know about me and haven't told me, how it's been used, or who it's been shared with. The whole anonomizing data process sounds like bs, apparently they screw it up. Plus they claim rights for 10 years? I dunno. If I've already been screwed over then it doesn't matter, but if I haven't I don't know that I'll be protected.
|
self.bipolar
|
Wow it's November, time flies when your life is falling apart A part of me wants all of this to end, but at the same time I don't want to lose those moments that I could have used to explore earths' wonders
|
self.depression
|
Why would anyone want to live this life I'm so fucking poor, working a full time job that I can't stand. I get 4 fucking hours to myself before I have to go to sleep and start the shit show again. I don't understand how anyone can just accept 8 hour or more days as part of life. I sure as hell can't, even if that means I have to die to get out of the system. Before anyone says I need to choose an alternative life and travel or join a commune, I should say that I fucking hate that shit. I hate nature and peace and hippie shit, so money is very important to me. It's the only thing I really care about, money and power. Two things I know are fantasies to me because of where I come from, my overall patheticness and social anxiety.
I went through hell just to get a pathetic dishwashing job after 7 months of unemployment. I have a face that no one can take seriously, so getting even a fast food job is somehow a challenge for me. So, it's full time and above minimum wage, yet only getting paid ≈700 a month. Not even enough to rent a room to get away from my psycho parents. I'll never be able to afford a car or any other basic life need.
I'm degraded at work, constantly being looked down upon and given all the dirty work that nobody wants. It's hard work, a constant adrenaline rush to just survive the day, all for fucking 11.50 an hour.
Maybe if I had something to come home to, it wouldn't be so bad to accept working all day or working at all. But I don't have a single thing to look forward to. I'm nobody and nobody likes me. It's getting embarrassing to live at my age never having dated or even been given the opportunity to. It really proves that there is something very wrong with me. It's embarrassing that I don't have friends to hang out or drink with. It's embarrassing that I live with my parents and I'm broke, can't drive, and literally just stay at home trying to distract myself from the immense pain inside.
So why not death? Nothing can change from here. I cannot change the world, nor can I find a niche in it. That's not how today's society works for young people at least. I have the option of years in school>career/in debt or just trying to find whatever job will take me for the rest of my life. And it's nice knowing I can never buy a house the way my father did when he was my age. Probably won't be able to ever retire either. Guess I'll just go fuck myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Paranoid in a relationship. Partner thinks of it as "not her problem" Off the bat, I'll admit. It's technically not her problem.
Sorry for the long post, but just trying to explain my situation as best as I can.
We have been dating for a year now.
We started as a LDR. Everything was nearly perfect for the first 9 months. I moved to her town about 7 months into the relationship. (didn't move in with her though).
One night, I had a bit of a weed edible. A very strong edible. (should also mention that I've been on an antidepressant((Sertraline)) for about as long as we were dating at this point). She was never fond of me getting high, but didn't ever want to stop me from doing it. But I could always notice her mood change. Like she wouldn't text me as much, and would be short with me, not tell me what's wrong.
Well, while high on this edible, that kind of attitude triggered my paranoia. So I asked to video chat.
From there, it was all downhill. I always thought she was partially off screen, or I thought I was hearing noises. I'd think I saw a jacket, or a person at some points.
To this day, the memories haunt me, because I can't tell if they were true or not. But I basically thought she was fucking someone while on video chat with me.
Before this, the idea of her cheating on me almost never occurred to me. We were so happy together. Everything was too good to be true honestly.
This happened again one other time, while also high on an edible (I've learned my lesson, no more edibles)
We are about 4 months down the road from this happening. The second time it happened was about a month ago. I started going to therapy. Girlfriend has been on a trip out of the country for the last few weeks now. I'm also moving back home (1000 miles away), alone, in the middle of December.
I still experience paranoia, I started picking up on things, thinking that she knows this house better than she lead on, and has some kind of sexual relationship with one of my roommates(I'm also not close to any of my roommates). Even while she's out in another country. I'll hear my roommate having sex and think I'm hearing her. It can lead me into an anxiety attack sometimes, so I'll ask for like a quick Snapchat with a geotag to help me get out of my attack. I know it's ridiculous for me to even think that she's here, having sex with someone in my house. I can tell myself I'm being crazy but it doesn't stop the paranoia. And she will help. But then be rude, tell me it makes her mad, and that I'm "inconveniencing" her. Just today she was telling me it's not her problem, it's mine. Which I agree with to some extent. I'm doing my best to not expect her help, or for her to be happy about it. But the fact that she doesn't want to help, and is angry about it, just confirms, in my paranoid mind, that she might be this evil person that my mind has made her out to be.
We've spoken about breaking up before. If I have another episode, we're over. We've been talking about the possibility of breaking up a lot more lately. And now I'm just worried for our relationship. I feel like she's going to leave me when she's back from her trip.
It may be for the better. But I don't feel like I'll never be happy unless I can fix the perfect relationship that I ruined.
I guess I'm just asking for any advice. Maybe I'm just being ridiculous and should be alone for a while. I'm still young(21) and I know I have time. And I also know there are "plenty of fish in the sea". But I've been in a few serious relationships, and this one just worked so well off the bat. And I had never been happier. I'm determined to make this work. Now I'm scared because I know she's not determined to make it work... she's just tired of it.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else have really bad anxiety, where you have a really bad panic attack?? Every time I am taking a shower and my hair falls out and gets on me I start to freak out , and it’s all over the walls and my hands and then I start to panic , then I’m in the shower for like an hour or two but don’t notice and then cold water comes on and I freak out as if I’m dying , I get out the shower when I’m done and dry myself off but I can’t touch the floor with my bare feet unless I have socks near me and grab them and put them on me then I’m okay, or when I have flip flops on the bathroom floor and slip them on. But other then that I cannot touch the floor or I’ll freak out and go into a panic attack , to where I cannot breath, my hearts ponding , and I feel as if I’m going to pass out. Can anyone relate at all? I need some advice on what to do. It’s not just taking a shower though , it’s being seen naked, or someone else will barge in ( family or not) and I need to lock the doors always. Whenever I look myself in the mirror it sometimes makes me uneasy , because yeah of course I know that is me but whenever I’m happy, and look at the mirror and I see a happy expression I get so happy but when I am depressed or sad and I look at myself in the mirror it’s like looking at another person but at the same time it is not , it is me. I have a good Conscience then I have a bad conscience at the same time. I know how I sound ... crazy, insane, but I am not , it takes a lot of courage to admit things to yourself.
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self.Anxiety
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Has anyone been able to "defeat" or at least keep their depression under control WITHOUT having gone to see a therapist? Bottom line, I'm 28 year old female.
I live on my own, go to school full time, I am jobless and using the money I got from selling my mom's house (very dilapidated and bad. Didnt get much for it and split it with my sister) after she died unexpectedly two years ago.
I have absolutely no confidence of getting an office job which is what I'm going to school for basically but I still just have no confidence or motivation and my money is dwindling. Oh and I'm in a less than ideal relationship which can get emotionally and mentally abusive at times.
That's some background. I think I've been depressed for quite a while and there are times where I think I can beat it on my own but other times like right now where I'm sitting on the toilet not wanting to get up because that means I have to go do something productive.
I don't want to see a therapist. I just don't. Money is a huge anxiety trigger of mine and I simply have no dispensable money to pay for a therapist. I know they have "sliding scales" but even then I don't have money for that (or I just don't want to have to pay at all. Having to pay to receive help? I hate it. I want to just help myself, I don't want to risk triggering my anxiety even further by spending money)
So has anyone been able to "treat" their depression or whatever they're going through on their own? Any resources? Routines? Just anything? I want to stop waking up past noon and wasting my day away but I don't know how. Any advice would be wonderful.
Thanks everyone.
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self.depression
|
I HATE HAVING ANXIETY. If its not one thing its the other. my mind has to always overly think or worry excessively. I will think about something all day and all night and i fight it constantly to find a reason to dispute any negativity and as soon as i do i find something else to worry about at the same rate. It is so fucking frustrating and all i want to do is have a clear mind but i can't seem to figure out how to get that. A lot of times i worry to the point that i feel like life is over and the world is gonna crash and i should just ball up into a corner and feel my own brain snap. I find my self drinking or smoking weed a lot of times just so i can calm down and get some positive vibes and truth be told i rather smoke than drink. it helps way more and calms me down. It always feel as if part of my brain is locked off and when i smoke, its unlocked and i'm free to think positively about everything.
I know it makes no sense to always worry about something to the point that i can only pick out the negatives. But i can't help, and once it's in my head it is fucking stuck. It will revolve around my head with me just adding on to the negativity till this big ball of horrible thinking burst in my head and i have a mini panic attack. It's to the point that it's compulsive and if i find a good reason for the negativity to be wrong, i will drastically scour my mind for the smallest inkling of a reason for my good reason to be wrong or i will immediately find something else to compulsively worry about and it will full fledge blow into panic or anxiety. Sad thing is no one in my family know and probably would never be able to tell, i'm always happy and smiling, but in my head i'm constantly battling for my own sanity.
For fuck sakes it's even to the point where i won't go around my friends because if they say something about anything i'm thinking of or joke about something with me that i'm thinking of they have just added fuel to that fire, something that i hadn't thought of and i will fucking panic in my mind.
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self.offmychest
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Insomnia May Shrink Your Brain So insomnia may lead to brain shrinkage - and bipolar episodes (both depression and mania) do the same. And we know that insomnia also puts us at risk for depression and mania. If you suffer from insomnia (and I know that many of us do), please treat it...
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/35422929/ns/health-mental_health/t/insomnia-may-shrink-your-brain-scans-show/#.WmVao6hKtPY
Also, chronic poor sleep may cause lasting brain damage...
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-michael-j-breus/sleep-brain-health_b_5508930.html
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self.bipolar
|
My Life Keeps Getting Worse After I hit on my ex's roommate while I was blackout drunk, that roommate started spreading rumours about me. This lead to me getting bullied at work &outside of work
(bg: I lived in a small town &I was close to said roommate bc he understood mental health issues. I'm not excusing it, I just wished that people knew that it meant nothing... he just made me feel safe).
I started exhibiting signs of agoraphobia; my anxiety got so bad that I couldn't leave my place &I was so depressed that I barely ate. so I left my job due MH &moved back across the country to live with my parents. So I found a crap job to make money so I could pay bills but it made me miserable. I later got fired &fell into a further depressive state. After 2 weeks of being in that state, I had a severe panic attack, &was admitted to the hospital's psych unit. I was sectioned, so I was kept in the hospital for a week, only to be kicked out of my parents house the night I was released. That same nigh I'd gotten in a fight with my mom; she tried to kick me out bc I didn't say hello when I got back. As a result, I spent 2 months on a friend's couch until I was given residency at a transitional home.
Edit: It's enough to make me want to sleep forever. Oh &I should mention, this is my current life. [27F]
TL;dr
I got bullied when I lived in a small town bc while blackout drunk I hit on my then bf's roommate. He spread rumours about me &I had to move away bc I was starting to become agoraphobic; my anxiety got so bad that I couldn't leave my place &I was so depressed that I barely ate. left town, Moved in with my parents, got a job, got fired. Got sectioned in the hospital's mental health unit for a week after having a severe panic attack. I was kicked out of my parent's house the night I was released from the hospital &now I'm living in a transitional home for homeless people.
LG, life's good.
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self.depression
|
Work till you die No i don't want that. i don't want to work 50hr a week, or even more. Because apparently the 40 hr work week is out. But the pay will be the same. I don't want that. I don't want to live to work. Working 50 or more hours a week just to be able to survive. But nothing more. Am i not normal?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think I am depressed Hello everyone!
At the beginning of the academic year I signed up for the board of my study association. Though almost half a year later, I'm deep down very unhappy. I applied for commissioner, but ended up bein chosen as chairman. Now, I thought "o well, I'll just try", but I ended up being downhearted as I am now.
The thing is, I feel like I'm not being appreciated, like I'm doing everything for no one.
But the main problem is that two people of the current board were also part of the previous board. You'd say it's a pro, as they know more, but I feel very undermined because of it. I am the one that has to take the lead, while they have way more knowledge than me. One of them even applied for chairman, while I didn't, and I was the one to become chairman. I now feel like I'm just a puppet, being unappreciated or corrected in a lot of things I say or do, while I think I tried my very best.
As I'm now living in a state of pain-avoidance, and can't seem to get any hapiness anymore, I feel utterly defeated. As I see friends and relatives living happily, I can only think "how did I end up like this?". Through my stress and fears I haven't practiced my old hobbies, which makes me even more disheartened. Whenever there's a board-related obligation around the corner, I can't put my mind to anything else, like study, but only seem to worry what they'll think of me now. I've thought about ending everything, but can't seem to do it. Does anyone have any tips?
I'm planning to make an appointment with a student psychologist, hoping it'll get me to a better place.
 
PS: I know all of this probably seems like nothing to you, but for me, in my current state, it's affecting me every moment. It probably has to do with my self-esteem too, but still, it hurts.
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self.depression
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That moment when you realize someone doesn't care about you anymore and you just grit your teeth and try not to spiral out.
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self.bipolar
|
This Generations Depression... Depression is just a cop out for an oversensitive first world population that has been taught that they can be and do anything they want and have been grossly under prepared for how shitty the world really is and how much it really doesn't give two shits about their feelings.
Depression in most cases is really just like ADHD it fucking doesn't exist in that person, in most cases it just a person being a coddled little shit who wasn't properly taught how to deal with a shitty world. If a kid is hyper and doesn't pay attention it automatically is assumed to be ADHD if a kid is shy and doesn't communicate well it is automatically assumed to be autism.
It's a bunch of bullshit fed to an over medicated and oversensitive populace. I have no stigma against people with real mental disorders. I am very close to my nephew who is a schizophrenic, his mental disorder is completely real I have seen him when he goes into one of his episodes he completely changes.
I have a very big stigma against the asspergers crowd and all these fucking teenagers that claim to have clinical depression. It's a bunch of bullshit and I am not gonna offer my sympathies to a bunch of coddled children.
I am sure there is a high functioning version of autism, but the sheer amount of people that get 'diagnosed' with it and even worse the little shits on tumblr that 'self-diagnose' are not actually autistic. And I know for damn sure that clinical depression can exist in teenagers just as much as adults, but the amount teenagers getting 'diagnosed' with it is a bunch of bullshit.
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self.depression
|
What's your experience with ER? I've been suicidal for the past few days. Should I go to ER? What's been your experience?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hypothermia I've been fighting the urge to end it since I was 11( I'm 17 now) and I can't stand being alive anymore. If I walked out into the woods in below freezing temperatures and put 6 school bus xans under my tongue would I just pass out and die without any pain?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
For me, I think suicide is the right choice. But I'm a coward. As the title says, I think suicide is the right choice for me. I can't stand the state of the world and the direction I see it heading, I can't stand that my favorite hobbies are being taken over and ripped to shreds in a bid to get all of the money out of people who enjoy it, with no consideration to making good or enjoyable products, or to the artistry of it. I am unable to understand how to function in society and it has been a source of contention and stress for my entire adult life. I can't see anything good happening to me in the future, I can't see anything happening that would make all of the suffering worth living. I just see me as one of those 60 year old creepy dudes that has just been angry and alone their entire life and is living on pure stubbornness.
There is nothing I want, there is nothing I strive for, I just want to zone out and never think again. Everything I've ever loved in life has been taken from me, ending with (very recently) the meaningless job that was really easy for me. My standards were so low, it had low pay, shitty benefits, no respect or prestige, but it was simple for me, and I never felt despair at going to bed because I'd have to wake up and go to it. But even that was taken.
This is the nature of things, of my life, and thus I think Suicide is the right choice for me, but I can't bring myself to try. Not to mention I want to write a note explaining why I did it to my family, because I know they won't understand and will think it just came out of nowhere despite the cries for help I've sent up and how many times they have freaked out on me for being depressed, and I want to say goodbye to the couple of people who I do care about. But I just don't have the energy for it, to do any of it.
But I can't stop but wanting to just do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
i suck at titles. doesn't matter. no one will read this anyway Typed a huge wall of text but deleted it.. So here's the shortish version, not much shorter, though not like anyone will read this. Skipped the parts about my shit parents and slightly less shit siblings.
My parents pulled me out of school in the 5th grade. Since I was 12 and apparently fucking stupid as fuck, I hardly ever did my schoolwork. Parents never checked up on me, never monitored me. I cheated my way through 5th and 6th grade. I tried to go back to school on the 7th but lasted not even one full day. Being surrounded by loud, social strangers terrified me. And, pathetically enough I couldn't figure out how the locker locks worked, nearly had a panic attack and had to leave. Never went back. Looking back now it seemed so fucking dumb. I could've just... asked for help with the lock, got some tutoring, and I would've been golden. I would've been normal, had friends, an education. I wouldn't be sitting here feeling like shit, thinking about all the things I missed out on and will never experience. Dumb school drama, friendships, crying about shitty high school boyfriends, school dances, all of that. Those things are such an important part of who many people are, even if they don't realize it and I missed it all because I was a pussy. I continued to cheat my way through 7th all the way to the 12th because I was terrified to tell my parents, to do anything. That right there makes me want to die and I'm crying now because of it. It's painful to read about everyone's experiences at school, it makes my chest hurt.
On top of my complete lack of education I'm also gay and trans living in the deep south, surrounded by those who would murder me. New Orleans, which is a far more 'liberal' city than there I live, and is only a couple hours away, was the scene of many killings of transgender folks. There's no refuge for me, anywhere. The internet is almost worse. Everywhere I go, homophobia and transphobia all over. I feel like a disgusting freak simply for existing. People want me dead because I was born with a disgusting vagina instead of a penis. Being trans and reading all this hate has led me to self harm. My body is a revolting thing ravaged by estrogen. Estrogen made me 5'0 with tits, large hips and ass, baby hands, baby feet, and a girly voice. I cut now because my horrible body deserves it. No man would ever find me attractive, I look like a woman.
I'm hoping one day I get an infection and it kills me. But I don't know if I can wait until then. Maybe I'll just drown myself in the river, not like I ever learned to swim.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate my life I feel depressed and miserable 😭 I feel like I wasted all my life away. I haven't done anything with myself. I'm a nobody.
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self.depression
|
I cant wait until i die I cant stand being alive its too much for me and i hope i get diagnosed with a fatal illness or get caught up in a murder or hit by a train please
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Sunday, December 9, 2007 "I want a boyfriend.
I want lighter skin.
I want a cleaner body.
I want beautiful hair.
I want love.
I want family.
... I need to think."
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self.offmychest
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Useless and condescending "help" from other people We're not constantly upset and we're not children. We just feel life is meaningless and the struggle is not worth it. That's it.
Real help would be to actually provide us with direction. True and tested methods on how to stop being depressed, not emotional word diarrhea
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self.depression
|
Can you be manic with low self-esteem? (tw suicide) Hey everyone,
I just spent a night in a psychiatric assessment unit. Before admitting myself, I hadn’t slept in 90 hours, not because I couldn’t, but because I didn’t feel like I should. I wanted to keep “being productive” which is interesting because I was also too anxious to do things that I actually need to do (reply to emails and texts, do work, self-care and hygiene). This resulted in three terrible nights of organizing parts of my room, drinking, cutting, exercising, writing, and beating my Tetris high score. I created more art and wrote more than I ever have in such short period of time. I kept making plans with friends, setting goals, etc while fully conscious that I would be too emotionally drained to do any of them the next day, which just lead to disappointment. The whole time I was awake, I was surging with adrenaline and didn’t feel tired. I wasn’t getting hallucinations or feeling sluggish like most people report after not sleeping for 3 days. This was especially strange because I usually feel tired after a normal 8 hours of sleep due to low iron, plus I was only eating ~500 cal a day. Instead, I felt alert and was able to do math homework, write, go to work, etc. One weird thing was that my train of thought was totally off..one second I would think “I’m getting out of the bath in two minutes” and immediately follow that with “what am I doing in two minutes?” or I’d be surfing reddit, see a recommended website, open a new tab, then forget what I was doing.
The second night I was awake, I had this really strong urge to kill myself for about two hours (very different from my normal passive “I want to die” thoughts; this was like a primal irrational urge) and I then spent the rest of the day totally out of it, like my brain was in a different place. I immediately forgot the details of those two hours after they happened so I can’t even really describe it in detail.
This whole not-sleeping episode came right after a few months of feeling extremely depressed, unable to perform basic activities or care for myself, too anxious to go out or go to classes.
Anyways, all that to say that I met with a psychiatrist while I was in the unit, and she was considering the possibility of bipolar disorder (I am already diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression). Bipolar disorder is not something I have ever considered before. She was worried about putting me back on antidepressants in case it triggered more mania. What held her back was that generally you should feel an inflated self-esteem during manic episodes, but I didn’t feel that at all. I hated myself and felt more suicidal than ever before.
So my question is: is anyone here bipolar and feels low self-esteem during manic episodes? Is this possible? As a 17 year old going off to uni next year, GAD and depression are already enough to deal with…I truly hope I do not have BD. But if I do I’d like to figure it out ASAP so I can start getting it under control. Thanks for any help!
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self.bipolar
|
When your patience dies out Chased a girl for like 9 months (not in the creepy stalker way obviously). Constantly messaging, deep conversations and whatever. Asked her out to see a movie or literally anything, and she said she would but she was always busy.
Recently a friend asked me if I saw the message she put on her close friends story on Instagram. Of course I look and she hadn't added me. Frendo starts talking to her, and then gets the message "I never wanted anything and I thought I made that clear but clearly not".
Just left completely clueless. She won't say it to my face and just treats me as an acquaintance. Talk about being stuck on feelings. Now I just feel like shit and without a clue.
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self.depression
|
I'm about to drop my best friend and I need support. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
The truth is I loved you with all my heart Today I said goodbye to a girl I feel in love with. But her heart belongs to another. I told you that it was my councilor said to cut you off, but the truth is there never was one and I told our mutual friend that I hated you. But the truth is I love you and I know I hurt you. I said goodbye because I knew you would never move on from him. No matter how much he hurts you. You will always be trapped by him and I just can't stand seeing you get hurt. As punishment for hurting you and for saying the things I did. I will never love another, nor will I ever forget you. I will poor my heart into my art and writings. I pray for you to have a great life. This is my sacrifice to you, to make that wish come true I will give my own heart for this. I love you and goodbye
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self.offmychest
|
My Dad Isn't Coming... We are going to Disneyland. My Dad has work but we are still going. He doesn't care but I feel bad. How can I have fun in Disneyland with out him?
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self.offmychest
|
I don’t carry a gun because I could commit a murder And I have a felony. That’s beside the point. Tonight, I was driving along to get home and I had to get into the left lane to merge from one highway into another. Ultimately, I cut someone off. I was way too close to the front bumper.
They lay on the horn for far too long and in anger over that, I rolled my window down and flipped the driver off. I didn’t care about the consequences. They continued to honk and roll up to my passenger window and gesture to something but I more or less kept my eyes on the road. Roommate says they got a kid. “I don’t care. F*** her kid. Stupid (racist expletive)!” She was white but that’s irrelevant.
She takes off and I honk back. Following that, I just went on this rage rant to my roommate (and girlfriend who was on the phone and I had forgotten in my anger).
Said I’ll fight her in the street. Kid gets in the way, it’s your funeral.
Please keep in mind, I’m NOT a violent person but honking at me is the most ignorant thing you can do. Call me whatever you like but honking in traffic and had I no felony and if I owned a gun, good chance eventually I’d open fire.
Thankful I have obstacles to that.
I don’t know how to control anger when it happens like that. It fills me with such...such rage. I do not handle confrontation well. Not at all.
This was my night. Started well, ended poorly. Maybe you can relate. Or not. Feel bad it went like that.
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self.bipolar
|
Does anxiety (not during a panic attack) actually cause temporary vision loss? I visited my doctor today because for the last three days, I’ve had intense ringing in my ears, vertigo, tingling (almost a prickling, burning sensation) spreading throughout my whole body, and points throughout the day where my vision will dim or go completely black for three to four seconds. There’s no loss of consciousness, no shortness of breath, nothing like that. She said it’s because of my severe anxiety and that I need to visit a psychiatrist (which I am going to soon.)
I have a history of panic attacks/anxiety, but I’m not anxious whenever this is happening. I’ve been talking to my girlfriend for the last hour and I was happy as ever up up until my vision started flickering and dimming.
It’s truly irritating because my doctor is attributing every single, and I mean EVERY single symptom I have to anxiety, whereas I know what I feel and I KNOW when I’m anxious vs. things that don’t appear during my anxiety/panic attacks, especially at moments where my vision goes dark for no reason. I don’t want to attribute it to anxiety and end up permanently losing my vision just because I have a history of anxiety, and my doctor thinks I’m a hallucinating teen psychopath.
It always goes like this: Tingling in my face -> loud, high pitched ringing that gets louder and louder over a couple of minutes -> vision dimness/loss for a couple seconds. Then I get actual anxiety because I’m like “What the f*ck is happening to me :-)?”
Xanax seems to help it cool down so I can at least sleep, but my doctor gave me a very short dosage. So after that, I’m gonna be at a loss. Thanks guys.
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self.Anxiety
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I am a worthless teenager This is my silent scream for help, but right now I am not hoping, not anymore, I expect this to just pass away in the winds of new threads, because I know there is a lot of people who are in most need of help.
But anyway, I can't write this on my Journal nor my main account because of fear of somebody finding out.
The thing is, this is not the first time I go throught this kind of shit. I've had depression, I went to a psychologist, it worked out pretty well, but what I haven't told to anybody is that I still have missing pieces. It's been two years since my first and last attempt of suicide, but the last year I went almost the first semester with thoughs of suicide, that I am a worthless piece of crap and nobody will ever miss my existance, Why would ANYONE miss a person like me? A person who failed to the expectations, a person who is neither interesting or attractive. Nowdays I think I have no future or anything. I've done everything I could to improve myself but I always think that is going to do nothing, I get desperate and frustrated and sometimes crying myself in the nights because those kind of thoughs, sometimes the worst thing about them is that I believe them the most than the good ones. The thoughs of suicide are coming back, most of it because of the reason of "What is left anyways, I fucked up and I see no bright future in me", and the only reason for not ending my life is my mother, as she is my last bastion of hope I can have. "This is the age to try everything we can" those are words I heard my entire teenager life and I get angry because since I was a child I have problems socializing or people find me creepy. I am so just sad and desperate right now, and crying with force.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nobody cares I seriously don't know what to do anymore, I can't stop thinking about how I just want it to end. I let everybody know and nobody could give a second crap. I try to be rational, I try to think about it logically, and my only conclusion is that I just don't value my life anymore. I have good grades, I'm in line for Cambridge, it's going to get better. But I just don't care. I don't want to put up with this constant stress. My mother won't buy food, I starve through every single day. There's, quite literally, only bread to eat. I cried myself to sleep on my birthday, and I don't talk to any of my family all day, everyday. My brother died last September, and I just miss him so much. I tell every one I don't have food, they don't care. I told my mother I want to kill myself, and she doesn't care. She told my father, since he doesn't care enough to call me directly, and he doesn't even care to try to talk to me. I just don't want to try anymore. I'm numb, I'm tired. I want someone to help me but I just don't see how they Could. I'm just so sorry
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self.SuicideWatch
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