text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Lol, I posted on the wrong server I thought I was posting freely as if it were Twitter and didn't know it had automatically posted onto a server for me
|
self.offmychest
|
I’m currently in a psych ward at my local hospital and want to shed some light and answer any questions anyone may have [removed]
|
self.depression
|
I've been manipulated by family my entire life. I'm 26 and finally figured it out. I'm having fun watching they torture themselves while trying to manipulate me again and fail. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Losing interest in my passions is the worst thing I have ever gone through [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I tell Myself it's no big deal, and I know for certain it's no big deal, but it doesn't help at all. I'm really bad at making myself feel better. I just spiral and spiral downward. The silliest things cause me so much anxiety. I know they are silly and wont have a major affect on my life, but it's just not registering in my brain or something. It's like I don't believe myself, and the whole "it's no big deal!" thinking is just a ruse, a trick that will be ignored, and my brain is like "noooo I'm onto you! That won't work"
Hard to explain. I just wish my brain would be rational. I hate having little to no control over how I react and feel to anxiety triggering events, and then obsess over them for the rest of the day.
**Are any of you able to talk yourself out of an anxiety/obsessive thought spiral or at least help ease things a little?**
My thought process is like "SHIT, why did I do that? Why did that happen? That could have been avoided. I could have avoided that, if only *this* and *this* happened I wouldn't have been there at that time, in that situation. What series of events led up to this? Why did I do that? I could have done something differently" and then repeat those thoughts for the rest of the day, like a broken record I can't turn off. Do you think that sounds more like an OCD type of thing? It would suck to have anxiety problems, depression, AND OCD. I don't exhibit any other OCD-like features, though, I don't think.
**edit:** thanks for the good advice! I've been struggling lately but at some point today all my anxiety just vanished away for seemingly no reason. Anxiety is weird. I'm not complaining, though! Definitely glad to be feeling much better, even though it will be back eventually at some point.
|
self.Anxiety
|
We're in so much debt and now my cat is sitting at the vet with a $1600 bill. I just can't stop crying.
Each paycheck my boyfriend and I get, we take $200-250 out for rent. We get a little bit of food to get us through the next paycheck. I'm every other Thursday and he's on the opposite Tuesdays.
I tried to budget, but sometimes our automatic payments aren't going through when they're supposed to be. I don't know how many insufficient fund charges we've gotten ($29 each) because seemingly out of the blue another charge hits the account.
Rent is killing us. $1000 a month. Don't get me wrong - it's not horrible. We're living in a basement that has a kitchen, shower, living room and bathroom. We just can't keep up with it. My boyfriend is talking about moving back in with his mother. My ex lived with me and my family for several years and it was just one giant shitshow, so the prospect of being back with a parental figure makes me nervous.
I love my family but I know they'll give me shit if I said, "Hey. We're going to move in with his family for a little bit to save some money and get our bills down." I mean just a week ago my dad was calling me a disappointment and ungrateful because I can't make it home for Christmas (VA to SC) mainly for the fact that I work retail and literally can't take days off.
And then today. The kicker.
Clint started acting a little different two days ago. He was hissing and crying for no reason. And then yesterday he'd just lay there on the floor. The only time he would move is to go to a different corner. His tummy was tense. I thought that maybe he was constipated, my boyfriend thought that maybe it could be worms.
Take him to the vet today after calling out of work because Clint was screaming in pain. I just want to hold him and squeeze him but he cried so much. Vet says, "So it's urinary blockage and it's quite common in cats. Here's the estimate in which it's just under $1700."
I just kept crying. I didn't get approved for CareCredit. iCare cannot be put onto credit cards.
The assistant came in to go over options with us and just casually mentions that, "For people who can't afford the care sometimes they do go ahead and put the animal down. My cat was 8 when he had urinary blockage, so that's what I opted to do."
I've never seen my boyfriend cry before then. He wavered a little bit when talking to the doctor, but as soon as the assistant left he was blubbering just as badly as I was.
I feel guilty for not putting down my two year old cat. We're doing all we can to ask for help so that we can afford taking him home in a few days. My boyfriend was eligible for $500 in CareCredit with no chance of a limit increase. That brings it down to $1100. We have about $300 available on the credit cards, bringing it down to $800. For the iCare you need to put 30% down and then you can do installments. So to take him home in the next few days, it's $250. We're scrounging up everything we can to make this an easier process.
I just feel like we're never going to get out of this hole.
|
self.offmychest
|
How can you go from feeling inspired to feeling like complete shit? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
New to this sub and scared about my med change. Hello, I'm new to this subreddit and struggle a lot with bipolar. I wanted to talk to you guys about my recent med change. I was taking 200 mg of Lamictal and my psychiatrist has shot me up to 300 mg which isn't even FDA approved. I have been having head aches, shaking hands, feeling nauseous, got my period for the first time in more than a year (I have an IUD), and now I have a rash. I'm going through a bad depression period after just having gone through a lengthy manic episode so she increased my Lamictal and lithium doses. Instead of getting help, tonight I took double my Lamictal. There's a part of me that wants to be hospitalized. I know it's sick. And now I might get the meds that could have helped me taken away. I wish I could just be ok with being normal. But that doesn't seem possible.
|
self.bipolar
|
What can I do to relax this anger? I'm feeling very, VERY angry, which I have not felt in a long time. While I don't have urges to hurt people at all, I feel like I might snap if the wrong person goes near me and says the wrong thing. Like, shove them (at the bare minimum) or (worst case) fight them.
All I want to do is leave work now, get in my car, and fly down the highway at 90 mph. The thrill of it will relax me temporarily and help with the anger. I also like driving fast because of the challenge. People going slow in various lanes, so you have to zigzag around them at the right time without getting stuck. It keeps my mind off the agitation anyway,
I'm not depressed; just angry at the world, angry at life. I want to rip shit to pieces with my bare hands. I'm not talking about paper, but thick plastics and other things that are hard to rip. Destroying things relieves anger, but I know it's not healthy.
I don't want to hurt anyone, and yet, I am too unpredictable. But to be clear: i do NOT have anger targeted at any person or anything. Like, if I'm angry at person X, I will not go out of my way to hurt them. But if they confront me and don't fuck off when I tell them to, I'll lose my shit. That's what I mean.
|
self.bipolar
|
Looking for advice for my SO So my boyfriend has bipolar and has recently started lithium again. He was on lithium in the past and it made him feel lazy and depressed but it brought him out of a manic episode. He was put back on lithium to get him out of a mixed episode. It hasn’t helped it’s only made his symptoms worse. He’s having severe anger issues that he’s never had before and doesn’t feel like himself anymore. Has anyone else experienced severe anger or anything else mentioned above.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm lonely but I have zero interest in people. What can I do? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
How many of y'all ended up crying for no particular reason last night? Bonus points if you plead with a cab driver to drop you off at a famous-for-suicides bridge so you can jump off.
|
self.depression
|
Shit.. My feelings are always hurt. I feel so unwanted all the time, Whether it’s by my parents, friends, or a boy. I hate feeling like this and I constantly wonder why it seems like no one wants me. I don’t even wanna attempted to talk to my friends about it, because I feel like they will just think I want attention. So here I am, 4:30 in the morning, expressing myself anonymously through Reddit. Cool.
|
self.offmychest
|
Describing what it feels like It's so extremely rare that I ever talk about my mental health with anybody, there's so much stigma and more importantly, I never want anybody to think I'm hiding behind it.
Every once in a while though, the moment arises where I must defend the way people throw around the term "bipolar". It's usually something stupid at work, along the lines of "Ugh, Sandra literally just elbowed past me on the way to the bathroom. Bitch is fucking bipolar". I get a little defensive, and it's like "Hey, Sandra's likely not bipolar, she just had 6 cups of coffee and might be having a crisis.".
The natural path of the conversation then follows something along the lines of "I'm actually diagnosed bipolar, and that's really not what it is"
"Wait... YOU'RE bipolar? That can't be true, you don't seem that crazy..."
"Well, bipolar really isn't crazy like that... it's less 'happy-sad-angry' and more 'Manic-manic-depresssssssssssssssssssssssed-manic-depressed'."
"Which means...?"
And then I'm stuck. Truthfully, I have no idea how not feeling like that feels, so it's so normal that I have a lot of trouble describing it to people.
Recently I've turned to the method of creating scenario's like this:
I wake up one morning and just decide "Hey, I'm going to BUILD THE FUCK out of a house. I've never done it before, but I'm going to do it NOW, TODAY, because I CAN DO ANYTHING!" and so I start building the house... I lay the foundation down, and frame out some walls... I'm moving at superhuman speeds because I am fucking unstoppable.
It starts to get late, so I take a break. I get some dinner and sit down for a minute to relax, and decide that I should sleep and begin working the next day.
The next day comes, and I think about building some more, and just the thought of it makes me tired. I decide to rest some more, so I stay in bed. I watch the time going by and start to get anxious about not being able to complete the house... but this in no way motivates me. It makes me even more tired, but tired to the point where I feel nothing but dread. It's a tired where I also feel so hyper that I can run out of my own skin, yet still find it hard to have the energy to leave my house... and the house just never gets built.
Sorry, that was extremely long winded... Long story short, what do you all say?
|
self.bipolar
|
[FL] I'm 17.5 years old, I'm getting ready to just jump off a bridge. I'm a straight-A student in high school. I'm also autistic. All through my life I've been bullied throughout my childhood. My mom keeps abusing me, she yells at me over the tiniest of things, including me getting up from the computer to do anything and she doesn't allow me to do anything. My mom has also smashed a variety of stuff including a TV, an Entire PC, and so on. She forces to do things, even though I'm busy doing other stuff, like I'm her slave. I have to eat in order for me to cope with this abuse. I'm well over 240 lbs. I can't call the cops on her because I'll go to a foster home. I have no friends. I'm just getting ready to just jump off a bridge and end this shit, I can't take this abuse anymore.
tl;dr Kid who does extremely well in school, who got bullied throughout life is just getting ready to end it all.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Sometimes I wonder.... Is it worth it? Am I too young to understand?
The rollercoaster of emotions. The ups and downs. The curves, the good and the bad. Everything that you go throught, emotionally, and physically, in a relationship.
I've never even been in a serious relationship. I am 23.
But I don't see a reason to pursue girls. Of course, I want to fuck them, but that is not a good enough reason for me to spend time and money pursuing them.
I want to spend time on me. I want to earn money. I want to take care of my body, because it's the only one I have. I will not suffer being average. I work on my own-well being and spiritual development.
...
Does that make me selfish?
Of course I want someone who I can love with all my heart. I want to hug someone and tell her that she is my world. But I feel pressured into this. I don't want to force a relationship.
I honestly despise social media. Fuck off with your unoriginal snaps with totally overused filters. I don't want to see what you ate last night on instagram. I don't give a flying fuck about your trip to the store you had to tell all your facebook friends about. I don't care that you reconnected with your high school friend on a coffee. I don't wanna see the picture from your night out, because I wasn't there.
You can tell me all about it though. When I'm looking you in the eyes and I can see if your expression shows sarcasm. You can cry on my shoulder, and I will cry on yours. I will laugh with you, and I will suffer with you. But I don't need everyone else to know about it.
I see no benefit to being in a relationship. But the social norms are weighing down on my shoulders. Society expects me to become a parent in a few years. Are you mad?! I consider myself a child, I can't even comprehend having one.
I have no problem talking to girls in real life. But I don't have the patience and the nerve, toplay this "texting" game.
Girl I like you. That's it. I don't have time for this childish ignoring game, and "don't be to needy", "but show her interest nonetheless" and "don't be too pushy", but still "show her you like her".
FUCK YOU. FUCK IT.
I wish we could reset the world, without all the useless bullshit we got ourselves into.
I fucking like you, I am gonna fucking tell you. Then we can talk about our passions, our goals and morals. We can disscuss what happened yesterday and laugh together. Just don't bring this double meaning bullshit game into it, because you are not just a number in my phone, and I am not one in yours.
I don't have time for this shit. I am gonna go on my own path and be amazing. If you have the guts for it you can walk beside me, and maybe one day I will see the stars in your eyes. And in those stars I will see my future.
|
self.offmychest
|
Out of nowhere it hits you. Depression and suicidal thoughts so strong that it derails your day. Thankfully my weekend is Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday out of nowhere around 11am I was working on my car and all of a sudden I was just like fuck this. I went in the garage as was in a tremendous amount of pain. Had some medical marijuana and a cigarette and just sat there thinking how depressed I am and how shitty my life has turned out. What a loser I’ve become. I grabbed a heavy duty extension cord and threw it over the rafters and just as I was ready to hang myself my wife came home. I still feel the same way today. Except today (actually right now) I have counseling. But I was also forced to quit smoking cigarettes today as I have no money.
|
self.depression
|
I’m going to kill myself because of my weight and I’m pretty much worthless. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Quit a job, quit toxic people —> PEACE & HAPPY As it turns out, the fear and loathing and chest pain and overwhelming anxiety I had been feeling for TWO YEARS has been replaced, finally. I am now feeling so peaceful and FREE. I am actually funny! I am enjoyable to be around, and I actually enjoy being around others. I enjoy hearing about others’ lives and their day. I like myself. Little by little I am listening to myself and taking care of myself and my own little family instead of only worrying about what the “job” was going to do to me or take from me.
TLDR: quit the job I wanted to quit for two years, I’m happier and healthier. Don’t wait as long as I did. There will be more jobs. QUIT!
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel like a failure and get thoughts of ending it all Sorry if my post is all over the place. I'm 21, live in the uk and typing this on my phone
I struggle with many mental health issues (anxiety, depression, psychosis and an ED)
I feel like a failure of a daughter, sister, auntie and girlfriend because of those. I feel like no matter how hard I try that I am never good enough.
My nephews and boyfriend adore me, and they show it so much. My brothers are both tough love kind of guys. My mum.. We don't get along well as she neglected (on the pc rather than playing with me, talking to me or feeding me) me growing up after my dad passed away. I don't have many friends, I was "kicked out" my friendship group from school when I came out as bisexual, and have struggled to make friends since.. Even when joining clubs and such.
I tackled self harming all my life since I was 16. After doing it every day my boyfriend helped me stop, and it's been 6 months since. But since stopping doing it by suicidal thoughts have grown.
I just feel that everyone would be so much happier without me. I work in a male dominated environment (engineering), even though my manager and colleagues praise my work, I never feel like it's good enough.
I want do be that daughter my dad wanted, as his dream was to have a daughter and give her my name... I've got high grades, awards for my work.. But I just never feel like I get much praise from my family. They never seem to notice my efforts. I feel useless.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I became the main caregiver of my Down syndrome sibling: I can't do this anymore. My sister has Down syndrome. When my mother passed away last year, I became her caregiver. I hate every minute of it, taking care of someone of DS is no walk in the park. I'm literally a prisoner and I realized that never had a chance to live my own life. Since my sister was born it was all about her. I'm thinking of killing her and then myself to end it all because I won't be able to live with the guilt of abandoning her forever to the state. I'm so tired and lonely. I can't do this anymore. I wonder why God punished us. Why?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
do you have a mania jam? during my last episode, i just couldn't stop listening to corona - rhythm of the night. literally. it kept me so motivated and i just couldn't stop singing and dancing. today i was talking to a girl who also has bipolar disorder and she told me she felt the same thing about florence and the machine - dog days are over. do you experience that too when you are maniac?
|
self.bipolar
|
KLS......I've loved you since I met you. I know u will never see this, just gotta get this off my chest. When I first glanced upon u, I knew u were different. U helped me in a time I needed it, u made me smile, laugh, and imagine things can get better. Love ur style, who u are, and the things u do. U have a boyfriend, who u love yet tell me u have problems. Don't know why just wanted to say that. Monetary gain is all u needed from me, I was never good enough despite u saying I looked good, compliments, I could never believe u just because of how I grew up, getting beat up, abused, and neglected, yet Every time I'm around u, I feel so happy, I smile, u make me laugh a Lot, I don't feel awkward with u, like when we went to eat tacos. God u are amazing. Sadly we can never be together, I've sworn off relationships, u are in one, "happy" as u put out in the world yet tell me otherwise. Truth is hard I know, u don't want to tell me everything, telling me things just so we can seem close. Why can't I stop thinking of u??? Because u make my miserable bleak life actually colorful, I don't for u. U don't even like to text, yet text me almost every other day, we didn't miss three days in a row without texting, brightened my day up, just u would back hours later, sometimes next day. Which why we can't talk anymore, I changed my number so u wouldn't have to deal with me, I know u just used me. I love you, even though I don't wanna love anymore, it hurts letting go, yet I have to protect myself. Take care and hope the band works out, I know u are gonna do well with whatever u set your mind to. I love you L, I wish u did the same.
|
self.offmychest
|
Smoking cessation This is a difficult subject. I was wondering if anyone out there suffering from bipolar quit smoking and if so for how long? Day 1 and 2 where mostly cravings and headache. Day 3 to 5 where increased irritability. Day 5 ended up in a complete breakdown to where I became suicidal and started smoking cigarettes butts. It is day 6 now and I am smoking again but want to try again tommorrow. I know what to expect but was wondering if anyone else suffered suicidal thoughts while quitting. I don't know how to get past day 5. I know on day 5 my taste and smell where back, I had increased energy and could breath much better so I am all the more motivated to quit.
If someone tried to quit how did it go?
If someone successfully quit how did you do it?
Thank you
|
self.bipolar
|
until no one is there for me anymore. I'm 23, have tons of support, a family including my Mom, Brother and his wife and son, Sister and her fiance, tons of people who love me, had a 2 year long relationship and then a 5 year relationship, I have two best friends who are the world to me and they love me like brothers, a handful of other friends that keep in touch with me. I live a perfectly privileged life where everything I’ve ever wanted was there for me.
That should be the end of the story really.
But I'm a screw up. my brother and sister are both extremely successful, they graduated from high school with 4.0 GPAs, I barely passed high school. My brother graduated from law school, my sister graduated from a prestigious business school, I can’t even finish my associate's degree after 4 years.
My friends are both hardworking people in their own way, one has two associate degrees and is working on his bachelor’s, the other works 40+ hours a week as a store manager, I work 16 hours in retail and I just want to quit tomorrow by not showing up.
Basically my dad passed away unexpectedly 3 years ago due to a heart attack in his sleep, a year later my girlfriend of 5 years left me for another guy and now I’m just beyond fucked up. I take a fistful of meds to keep me at baseline but I can’t stand it anymore, it starts off with 60mg of prozac for the depression, 15mg of remeron to make me sleep, 1mg of abilify to give me some energy, some inderal to counteract the abilify from making me jittery, and lastly wellbutrin to “be motivated”
I just can’t handle living like this anymore, I don’t know what I’m doing, I just want to hang out with my two best friends and forget about the rest of life. I don’t understand how everyone else copes with it. People tell me you work to live, not live to work and that’s just bullshit, I dread work every week and call in “sick” once a month.
I’ve been in and out of therapy for years and it boils down to I refuse to change anything and they get frustrated with me and I quit going. I’m surrounded by people who support me and help me in whatever way they can but I just can’t do it anymore.
I just want to quit all my meds, quit school, quit work, quit everything, curl up and die.
But I can’t do that to my family, to my friends, so all I do is sabotage myself until no one is there for me anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Everytime I try to hang myself I stop... I want to die. Why do I keep stopping myself right before... why... why
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So you're a parent? Guess what. I ~don't~ think you're a super hero [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Life has been such SHIT y’all Hi r/bipolar,
I was just diagnosed two weeks ago. It makes perfect sense— I’ve always thought I had it but at the same time disliked people who self-diagnose so I never said anything. Long story short I was incredibly depressed leading up to my diagnoses and it all clicked. I’ve been on lamictal and trazodone for one week now.
Anyways, the main reason I’m posting this is because I just lost my fucking job after leaving my old job, starting this new one, getting promoted to manager, having three months of hell during training, only to be demoted to a full-time employee with a pay decrease that I can’t afford to live on. So I don’t have much of a choice but to quit, which I have been wanting to anyway, and maybe go back to my old job. Or get a totally new one. Or check myself into a hospital. Who knows! Either way, I am absolutely livid at my stupidity and the thought of everyone ~talking~ about me is making my stomach churn. This has been the worst experience ever and I’m just pretty much never going to be happy ever because I left my last job because the grass looked greener and I thought I would think less about killing my self but little did I know.
Luckily my old manager and I left on good terms and if I don’t find something else I can probably go back to him. My therapist is impossible to get ahold of and my s/o is trying his damnedest to keep me sane. I wish I could just sleep this all away but I feel like I might be getting manic and I’m really scared of that.
Fuck. This. Shit.
Anyone else want to rant about their shitty situations/jobs/lives?
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm going to do a medical withdrawal from my remaining classes. Am I doing the right thing? I started off with four classes. They seemed doable at first, readings and homework and quizzes, I thought I could do all of it despite what I was feeling at the time.
As the year went on, it became harder and harder to concentrate. Even on my AD/HD meds, I couldn't focus at all on the stuff I needed to do. I missed online quizzes and homework assignments frequently and was behind on all my readings. The reason was that the only thing I could think about is killing myself.
As this went on, I opened up to my psych about this. He wanted to arrange more appointments to try out some new medications to make me feel better, which caused me to miss some classes.
It got to the point where I said "fuck it, I don't want my GPA affected by this shit" and withdrew from two classes which I considered most annoying. I kept two because I didn't want to give up on it and answer to my parents about not taking any classes.
But things just got worse and worse, one event in particular got me to the worse point emotionally I may ever be in my entire life. When I'm in class, the only thoughts I have are about suicide and self-hatred. I can't focus on anything and have lost the will and motivation to try at all. I honestly just feel like I'm out of gas and can't go on.
I met with a counselor who contacted me (likely noticing my failing grades) and one of the things she recommended was a medical withdrawal from the classes for the rest of the semester. I thought about it for week and decided that it was for the best, I'm now in the process of getting it done.
I would just like the opinion of whoever bothers to comment.
|
self.depression
|
I want the human race to die People are a fucking plaque this Earth. All we're doing is slowly destroying Mother Earth with pollution, climate change and a WHOLE bunch of other shit. I fucking hate people and I want to fucking kill myself because of them. Fuck them all. Fuck 99% of the human race. All humans do is breed, complain, eat and lack intelligence. I don't even see myself as a human anymore because I seriously cannot believe I'm apart of this.
Don't get me started on the animal cruelty. Fair enough that the disgusting human race has to kill them for meat, but Jesus fuck, DO IT PAINLESSLY. I'm sick of it. This is what triggered my hatred for this world. I seriously would love to see a bunch of useless humans be locked up in cages for their skin, for breeding and for food, and then slaughtered. It would be fun.
As a lesbian, I'm especially exposed to constant homophobia from my family to the rest of society. I'm sick of fucking retarded heterosexuals, and other shitty LGBT members be fucking stupid and shitty. Stop asking stupid questions like "how do lesbians have sex?" For example. I'm sick of their stupid asses saying "lesbians are virgins if they haven't slept with a dude" or some other dumb shit. Mind your own business. When heterosexuals complain"stop rubbing LGBT shit in our face" I want to skin them alive. I had NO representation growing up until I fucking discovered glee when I was 13. It sucked and I was always confused, and I felt like killing myself (still do) when I realised. Fuck off.
I hate humans. Yes, I can have connections to other humans, but there's still going to be a part of me that hates them because they're human garbage. Must also explain why I hate my ugly ass too.
I hope this whole race gets killed slowly and painfully.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to kill myself The past few months for me have been nothing but pain for me. I have no more friends, my family hates me, my grades have been slipping and I have no idea what to do.
I wish I never told anyone about my depression. It just lead to my parents trying to help me (and failing miserably). I have been in countless arguments over these fucking antidepressants that don't even work. My friends have just been distant since i told them. I dont even talk to half of them anymore. And finally, with my grades just getting worse and worse, my life is already screwed. I have nothing to look forward to.
Is there any reason not to kill myself by now?
I know this sounds exactly like an edgy rant but I honestly feel this way.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Its times like this that I really wish I had even one close friend to turn to for advice. In the hopes of keeping this simple, I'm recently divorced and starting to get back into dating. My confidence level is not the highest, but I'm tired of being alone. I should try to meet some other guys who are closer to my age and life experiences, but I haven't really gotten along with men as easily as I have with women, but I have also never really had many close friends. My ex-wife was the first best friend I have had and, well, that didn't pan out.
So, now I'm on Tinder. I'm not exactly looking for a hookup, but I would not turn it down either. I guess the women in my area don't use Tinder for casual sex, so I haven't had that exchange as of yet. However, two different women, both of whom have the same first name, have shown interest. They are pretty similar in personality, body type, and even in interests. I've been upfront about the fact that I am talking to other people and I have even joked that I should just introduce them to one another and use Tinder to help people make new friends.
I've been on one very laid back date with each of them and I am hoping to see each of them again. The only issue is that it's too early to say if either is what I really am looking for. I owe it to myself to be picky, but I don't want to be shallow either. No, neither is going to be a Victoria's Secret model or a Suicide Girl, but neither is at all unattractive to me. I'm no Brad Pitt myself, so I have no business putting such high standards on anyone else. I do feel physical attraction is important, however I do need the emotional/intellectual attraction as well. I'm almost more desperate for good conversation as I am for the chance to get laid.
I told both women I would not be sleeping around so if things progress further with anyone, I'd let the other(s) know that I'm no longer available.
So, that's the odd situation I find myself in. My anxiety isn't too bad about this, it actually has given me a bit of an ego boost. If it were so easy to just sleep with each woman so I could have that much more information to go on, it might help, but I'm not a player by any means. I barely know what the rules of "the game" are to begin with.
|
self.offmychest
|
Can I rant my feelings here? Backstory I guess: I am 21. Bipolar. Married. I have a 19-month old. Mom with cancer. We are living with her. We have no car. Can hardly afford bills, groceries, clothes, or Christmas. I have no friends.
Things that float in my head daily: I need a job, I want a job, I can't get a job because it will ruin food stamps and medicare. Child needs to be taken care of. If I get a job he has to go to daycare. Can't afford daycare. Get child care subsidy. Will mess up food stamps and medicare. I also have no care. Depression sets in. I am so depressed. I wish I could jump off a bridge, overdose, shoot myself, bleed out, drink bleach, take poison, do something. I regret having my son, he'll be fucked up like me, he'll think his mommy doesn't love him, he'll feel the regret even though I love him with all my heart. The thoughts in your head are telling you these things, they are wrong, they are hurtful, they are dangerous. I should talk to someone. No, they'll take my son away. I'll stay quiet. No, become a volcano and tell people you love hurtful things. No, talk to them about whats going on. No, they get mad, they yell, they tell me not to cry anymore as if it's annoying. Is it all in my head? Is it my perspective. No one cares about you. Everyone takes advantage of you. Everyone only cares about your baby. Obviously not enough to help us buy him the things he needs. You're lazy, your worthless, you'll never reach the goals you set for yourself. You'll be like your brother, go get drunk, go do meth, go get high, forget the world awhile. Oh wait, that's why he's in jail. You need to be put in inpatient. You need help. Your appointment for your mental health is a week away. I don't think I can wait that long. You need to be put in inpatient. Who will take care of the baby? No one. Well where is your mom when you need comfort, she has walls. The only one who would comfort me is my meme, shes dead. You have no one, nothing. All you have is a small, dependent, human being that you love but made out of rash decisions. You love him so much. His smile melts your heart, his dancing and singing along reminds you how smart he is, and yet you feel like a failure because you can't give him the world.
THIS IS THE CONSTANT RATTLE IN MY HEAD ATLEAST THREE TIMES A DAY!!!! WHAT DO I DO!!!
|
self.depression
|
Something about feeling "overwhelmed" Imagine a checklist of things you need to do before you die. Maybe things that just remove the need to mention something in your testament(will).
I have one.
The problem with it is the fact that its almost done. With out of the last 3 things 2 being pc-upgrades and the last one just my last words on a file hidden in a memory stick.
It's not a major part of my "plan" to be honest i never even bothered to write it down. But it's almost done!
I did a major thingy last Friday that removed the fourth one.
It feels horrible. Like my head getting constantly "rubbed" with a really rough solid piece of iron. Like, it's just a matter of time before i do it. Kill myself. And i keep reducing the problems that would follow the act of doing so.
I cant explain that too well, now can i?
Its hard to write it down. No one is asking the questions. No one is there to hear my barely understandable ramblings.
Its tough.
Goodnight.
|
self.depression
|
My mom’s boyfriend’s son said he could “turn me” I liked him as a friend. He was the only person in the house besides my mom that I actually enjoyed speaking to. Then I heard he was bragging to everyone about how he was going to fuck me and even though I was a lesbian he could “turn me”. His dad was joking about it like it was no big deal, but it really hurt my feelings. I feel betrayed. Why do so many men have this fantasy of turning a lesbian? Why is my sexuality a fetish? Why would anyone think it was funny to joke about fucking me?
My mom even told me, “Don’t play with him.”. I’ve been out for years. Why would I play with him? How could she accuse me of acting inappropriately when she heard what her boyfriend said? I hate this. It makes me not even want to be around them.
I told my mom that I wanted to talk to him about how it hurt my feelings and made me uncomfortable. She told me it wasn’t worth the trouble and he was just joking. Maybe she was right. I don’t know. I’m just annoyed and hurt. I don’t even know what to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
I get really bad anxiety attacks when I go in the shower? I don’t know why this happens, my best theory is that when I was quite young I had an accident where I fell in boiling hot bath water because I messed around with the taps unsupervised, it’s like whenever i go into the shower my heart starts racing, I think this also stems off my intense fear of dying, like I think because I’m not really doing anything my mind starts to linger in the shower and I start coming up with stupid thoughts about death and dying.
Anyway does anyone know any coping methods I could use?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Are disabled people who can’t afford rent on time meant to be dead? My mom is getting aggravated that I cannot afford rent monthly and on time by myself. I spend my money on fun stuff sometimes but I try to control myself. I didn’t realize that I owe $72 in bills until my mom told me, and then I still owe $325 in rent. However, my job does not pay me a lot, and the maximum hours that I can work at the said job is 20.
I have a tendency to spend money on fun stuff here and there but I try really hard to control it, and I’ve been trying as hard as I can to.
I might as well just face it and realize that people like me don’t deserve to live, no matter how many hours we try to pick up when we can or how much we try to budget.
And before you ask about social security, yes, I have applied for it, my mom is also helping me make sure that the process goes well, and so far I haven’t gotten any response yet. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get approved. I am 23 too, so that makes it even more pathetic.
I want to die so I don’t have to feel like shit, I want to die so that my mom won’t have another mouth to feed financially, I want to kill myself for everyone’s own good, including my own. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What are the differences between a voluntary and involuntary psychiatric hold? I've voluntarily admitted myself to the hospital twice in the past, but with my history of delusional depression and my recent flare up of manic symptoms/hallucinations and a consequent bipolar diagnosis, I'm worried I might be more resistant to treatment in the future. I still don't know the full 'potential' of my manic symptoms, and as I'm still figuring out meds, I'm worried I might get launched into a full blown manic episode. I feel much more out of control in mania(or mixed) than depression, and I'm scared of what could happen. I'm not stewing on it a lot, but I just want to to make sure I know the ins and outs of treatment and patient consent to prepare myself if something bad happens down the road. I'm in the US btw.
So I guess, I'd like to know from those of you who have been admitted involuntarily or both, what was the difference between them? What are the consequences of being involuntarily admitted (during your hospital stay and after)? Do you lose any rights by being involuntarily admitted? Is involuntary admission put on some kind of permanent record, and if so, how does that affect you in the future? Are there any consequences of voluntary admission I'm not aware of?
|
self.bipolar
|
Extremely sad about something i can't control :( im 18 years old, ended up 5"8, short arms, fingers, even my d is short, left hand fingers longer than right, an ugly face, can't grow a beard, and my younger brother is 14 and is already taller than me... i don't understand why that happened to me, i did nothing to deserve it. life is very unfair.
|
self.offmychest
|
Mom is as good as dead, Stepmom is an asshole. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
What's worse? Feeling down all the time or feeling nothing and empty? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Ready for this years “OMG you’ve lost weight! How did you do it!?” Thanks, it’s the anxiety and depression.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Making up false / worst case scenarios in relationships [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Stimulants offsetting antipsychotic weight gain? Psychiatrist recently prescribed Rexulti in addition to my current meds, Lamictal and Wellbutrin. I’ve yet to take the Rexulti due to a fear of the potential weight gain which could trigger/exacerbate my eating disorder. Has anyone found their stimulant to negate antipsychotic weight gain/appetite? While not a stimulant Wellbutrin has caused some appetite suppression for me and was pondering whether it or the addition of an ADHD specific stimulant could keep me from Rexulti weight gain.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel so numb inside . . . I don't feel anything except tiredness and deadness. I really want to die. I really want to cut. Life seems so pointless. I feel so useless.
University makes me so stressed. I'm taking three technical classes along with a general education requirement. In addition, I am also involved in 4 clubs. So, approximately, 45 hours of schoolwork + 15 hours of extracurriculars. And that is not including the relationship with my boyfriend.
He really makes me happy and makes life easier for me. However, in a way he also make life harder: he makes me much more in touch with my feelings, both for him and for everything else. I am actually aware that I am stressed. I can't pretend, like I did through out high school, that I am simply an emotionless robot.
I don't know what I am doing. I so tired. I'm so behind on my work.
If I could just procrastinating I would have around 3 or 4 hours of free time a day (assuming 8 hours of sleep per day). But every time I think about how much homework I have to complete, I can't even bring myself to start. I just keep taking naps or curl up and stare blankly at the wall or keep organizing papers or making lists of what needs to be done. And then I get progressively more stressed as the deadline creeps closer, and I still have accomplished nothing.
Help.
Please.
Any advice? Tips?
Anything.
|
self.depression
|
dreading the day even when you have things to look forward to? i wake up most days absolutely dreading the day i have in front of me, especially days i have to work. even when i have something i’m looking forward to after work though, i still feel like the entire day i’m feeling exhausted and unenthused about everything. it’s so hard to even GET to the things that make me happy because i spend all day feeling bad and then i’m so tired. is this normal? does anybody else get this? like the feeling of knowing you SHOULD be excited and then not?
|
self.depression
|
No one celebrated my birthday Turned 28 this year. No one cared to celebrate my birthday. When i took part in other people birthday celebrations, i often bring gifts and give some money, but for me? No. Not even a single celebration. Feeling lonely as hell.
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate all social activities They make no sense to me, I feel no constructive return for me in taking part of social activities, period.
I hate eating together, I mean, what does that even mean? You can't talk effectively while eating, and eating with some other person has no additional effect and togetherness has no effect on me. I feel like eating is just as a personal act as shitting. I mean, you put it in then it goes out, another person or more than one doesn't make that act any better, it only makes it harder to do.
And the worst of them is a party, like is it a group listening to music? If so, that would honestly be impossible as since the music isn't listed out before, most of the people who attend to the gathering will have drastically different tastes in it. Or is just another group eating?
And don't bring up the act of conversation, that is the most senseless thing ever, you never talk of anything novel in a party, it's just the same phrases recycled over and over, and laughter on que.
Parties are the most mindless thing I have ever experienced, it makes me almost think as if the people who attend parties are just differently aligned than me, which is true.
No I don't want to go out for dinner, I only eat for hunger, not for anything else. I don't want to just stand, sit and flail my body parts around to music that doesn't cater to me, and mutter words out like a chatbot and push food and drink down my throat.
I don't want to wear clothes that doesn't provide me protection, I don't care of how I look to others, I care about protecting my skeleton and internal organs.
I don't want shiny things, shiny things mean nothing to me, eye candy has no effect on me.
Just let me be in my isolation, I am the the most happiest then, I will hunt for resources and build securities for my survival.
That is all that I want to do.
I hate being together, I want to be alone, I want to feel like I am the only human on Earth.
Better yet, I want to kill the only human on Earth and see everything disappear forever.
Fuck this nonsensical circus of an Earth.
|
self.offmychest
|
Who has a no meds treatment? I've been wondering how people that take no meds do with bipolar type 2. Myself, I feel like i'm not depressed or happy, i'm just existing and rationalizing way too much every single thing I encounter to the point of not being able to stop.
I take only one pill to control my bipolar disorder: oxcarpazepine (1 tablet). 2 for anxiety: Clonazepan and Propanolol.
Still, it feels like it's stopping something.
Does anyone treat themselves with some alternative method?
|
self.bipolar
|
Questions about Depression I have on again off again dep/ anxiety/ emotional instability
Is depression a part of of your personality like alcoholism?
Or, is it a like a stomach bug that can go away for good?
Does anyone have a victory story about how you beat on again off again mental illness?
|
self.depression
|
In the morning I have glimpses of hope, feeling ok, by night I think about how I may end it. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why? Im really struggling today. Dont want to tale my meds. Dont want to be bipolar. Want to be able to handle my emotions rationally. Tired of losing my shit. Oh well...
|
self.bipolar
|
Just taken 90 tablets of 100mg niacin, is this enough? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone else get more depressed than usual on your birthday? Today is my birthday and I hate it. For the last 5 years or so I've been especially depressed on my birthday. Guess it just reminds me that I was born.
EDIT: Please don't say happy birthday, it makes it worse. Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
Isnt it just as well to kill yourself if the only emotion you can feel is misery? I AM SO FUCKING DONE, EVERYDAY IS THE FUCKING SAME, I CANT FUCKING WAIT TO BE OUT OF THIS TRAP CALLED "life"
|
self.depression
|
Passive suicidal thoughts? I keep on thinking about how my mum knew that my dad was having suicidal thoughts at one point in his life because of some mistakes he made, and thought he was a coward because of that. Because of that, I can't tell her that I'm kind of having the same thoughts. I don't really want to kill myself; it's more like I really wouldn't mind if I died. I'm wishing for something to kill me. I find myself writing my suicide note in my head almost everywhere. I'm scared to tell anyone, because I don't want people to be careful around me, I don't want to be seen as 'the girl who has depression'. I'm not even sure why I wrote this. Thank you for reading (?)
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What treatment has the best success rate for anxiety? I'm talking about prescribed by a doctor. I was on anxiety medication so long ago that I've forgotten what it was. I believe with after me finishing school, finding a job I'm finally interested in and trying to go to tafe this may be a good refresher to retry medication.
Can anyone give me any reccomendations? Or should I just go to the doctor and take whatever they give me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m just really scared. Becoming a shut in is more and more attractive everyday and slowly starting to happen I don’t feel suicidal (at the moment) but I don’t. Care about anything, cause it’s way too scary out there and nothing seems worth the smallest amount of risk or energy anymore.
So much of myself is lost now; twisted. My core has been shaken and I can’t escape that. I don’t know who I am and I’m just so fucking scared and tired all the time. I don’t care like I used to. I don’t love like I used to. I don’t want to. I look back and man. I must have just been psychotic so much more often than I ever accepted before
I have no mission. Happiness is fleeting. Connections aren’t worth the risk. Eventually, you will fuck it up. Every bad thing that’s happened is your fault in some way. You are not the victim.
I don’t leave the house except to work and occasionally when I have the strength to force myself out. And I’ll get out and snap into that hypomanic charismatic thing, get through the night just fine, and spend the next series of hours pouring over every little thing and trying to forget everything that’s ever happened. All I want is to forget. One of the good parts of the fuzzy shitty memory I have.
I’m scared. I’m so tired.
|
self.bipolar
|
Mentally exhausted. And I just really want to give up or reset I haven't slept good in months. I probably only get 3 hours of sleep at most bc my brain is always going, always over thinking and always stressing. A few months ago I lost a very long term relationship. The girl left me and after that I fell into a deep depression and relied on my close friends..to only find out my friend of 17 years was fucking her behind my back, even while we were together..it tore me open so bad, it hurt worse than my first heartbreak even tho it was in the same month. I need someone terribly but I cut myself off from everyone, I don't trust anyone bc of it..to be honest I wish I could just rewind and go back and continued thru college instead of dropping out so I wouldn't of had to meet her. I just need a friend right now..I'm tired of fighting
|
self.depression
|
Do you find it impossible to have a relationship? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I hate birthdays I’m 17 today, and I’m most likely staying in and doing nothing. No one bothered to invite me out as usual and most of my “friends” forgot, but this shouldn’t take me by surprise as I’m a forgettable, uninteresting person and I pity everyone that has to interact with me. Every year is the same, and every time this date comes around I just see it as another year wasted. It reminds me how boring my life is and how I could be in a better situation by now, if I wasn’t so depressed and lazy.
I know I’m young, but I don’t have any positive visions for a future. I dropped out of school a year ago due to issues with home/family and bullying problems, which is pathetic; many people struggle with issues far worse than mine, and I’m still on the brink of suicide despite all my privileges. Right now, I’m forcing myself to stay alive just to keep my only family member happy. It makes me sick that I live just for other people’s happiness, and not myself. I understand it would hurt them if I were to die, but I can’t help feeling like it’s selfish for them to want me to stay alive even though I’ve given up on this world. Suicide should be accepted more often as a genuine way out.
What can I do to make today less numbingly boring? I rarely go out at all because I don’t feel comfortable leaving the house, so today won’t be an exception. I’ve posted here before and this community helps me feel less alone, and I’m interested what the kind people on this subreddit would suggest.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Goodbye Already cut my arms. Not deep enough apparently. Going to but some.alcohol so i can stop being a pussy and just finish it. Sorry to everyone. I did try
|
self.depression
|
i don't know if i'm gonna survive high school [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Seeking clear description of what it’s like to live with severe anxiety Hi, I’m looking for some way to help my brother in law understand what life is like for someone with severe anxiety. His daughter, my niece, who is a young adults has generalized anxiety and depression, plus I believe is bipolar as well. She does do some therapy and I believe is on medication but their relationship suffers because I don’t think he understands at all what she experiences and what it’s like in her brain. She’s pretty debilitated by it though I’m sure like others with similar minds, can hide it pretty well. I’d love to show him some personal accounts or descriptions of what it’s like. I hope that makes sense.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m 21 and I might have Aspergers I’ve always known there was something different about me. My parents broke it to me last week. Still waiting to see a therapist. I’m trying to convince myself that a diagnosis won’t change anything.
|
self.offmychest
|
Always There I have improved my life significantly over the past two years: I found an antidepressant that works for me, I've gone back to school, I've got a steady job, I've even gone on a few dates, and I adopted a dog to give me a place to focus my attention and love on.
I thought that if I could improve myself, or at least improve my situation, that it would feel better, and in some ways i guess it does.
The depression is still there though. It's not as constant ,and in fact as long as I'm around someone, my friends, my family, or even my dog, I feel alright. But it never really goes away. Sometimes I'm watching a movie, or listening to a song, or taking too long to go to sleep it hits me.
In these moments I remember that I'm a useless waste of life. All of my accomplishments are stripped away to reveal the fact that I'm just a bunch of nothing. In time it goes away but it's never too long before I revisit those feelings.
Is it the same for anyone else? Can you truly ever "get over" depression?
|
self.depression
|
Unhealthy work, anxiety crisis, low self esteem. But no more! I'm quitting tomorrow I'm new to this sub, but thought I might share with you guys.
My anxiety usually is work related, I tend to dedicate myself a lot and fear of failure usually spikes.
I've been feeling worked up for a few months now and a week and a half agora I had a crisis. Bad one. Couldn't breathe, talk or move. Went to the doctor and for the first time I'm on meds. Zoloft and Rivotril. I've been away from work since then, but on Monday I had to go near my workplace and the walk off the subway triggered me. Luckily I was accompanied by some good friends who took me home.
My workplace is high pressure/high performance and values what they call "ownership" of the job. I've got good results and evaluations, but is just not worth my sanity. So I've decided that I'm quitting tomorrow. I should stay until the end of the week, not to leave my team on a lurch, but it will be over soon.
Wish me luck.
UPDATE: I did it. My boss said she kinda knew. I've talked also with my director and she said that when I'm ready to return, she will have a spot for me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone feel like they could've been someone worth while? But now it's too late? I sometimes think about it, it's a sort of tenuous motivator when things get bad. But I feel like it's too late, I've missed my chances. And the ones remaining don't seem too great.
|
self.depression
|
Never felt more alone since telling my friends about feeling suicidal. I confessed that I was feeling suicidal maybe 2 months ago, and since, everything's been so cold and awkward. I don't know what to do anymore. It doesn't feel like anybody really cares and I'm feeling like more of a quiet, reclusive burden than a fun friend anyway.
Where do I go from here? I don't know how to 'be myself' anymore. The only joy I get is sleeping and fantasising about suicide because then the fantasy sometimes becomes the dream.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Not sure what to do Iv'e had moderate anxiety/minor suicide tendencies for most of my life but lately iv'e been having what i assume are intense panic/anxiety attacks which are making me seriously contemplate suicide... this all started about a week ago when i got into an argument with a relative which then got physical. He ended up having to get a couple of stitches on the back of his head but that was the worst of it fortunately.
Anyways, i cannot stop beating myself up over the fact that i allowed myself to get into such a stupid altercation that ended the way it did. I feel as if i am causing my family a great deal of stress from this whole incident although they are constantly telling me it will be okay. I then mix these thoughts with my normal negative thoughts about loosing my family, not being good enough etc and it is just pure hell. I don't know why i think this way.. I just don't know what to do.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do I know my real self? I’ve always like horoscopes and looking at my zodiac traits, especially the fun tumblr/instagram posts. I know that it’s all fake but it’s fun to say oh I’m an Aquarius so I’m this 30 rock quote!
But lately I have been worried that my self perception has been warped by reading up on zodiac. Do I react to things because thats how I’ve been lead to believe that I would? Has it warped how I see myself, do I not even have a good sense of who I am because instead of true introspection I rely on other people to tell me my deepest fears and longings?
I don’t know, has anyone else felt like this?
|
self.offmychest
|
Lonely I'm just so fucking lonely. I hate myself for being an attention seeking hoe but I am just so lonely. I talk to people and I'm still lonely. The cycle of loneliness.
|
self.depression
|
I am dressed in a tiger costume, lying on my back in the bathroom of my apartment, balancing a burning candle on my stomach. Please, distract me. Be here. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't take it anymore Antipsihotics chemical castrates people. Rapeists and pedophiles are also chemical castrated. I'm not that!
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly don't even know why I'm submitting this post right now, or where I'm going with it, but I just feel like I need to talk to someone - anyone, and nobody close to me would understand what I have to say, and it would just affect them negatively. So, hi reddit.
I'm 23 years old right now. I've been depressed since I was 14, but I only looked for help recently. I'm seeing two different doctors, a psychiatrist for my medication, and a psychologist to talk to. Even though it's been a while since I began treating myself, everything seems to be getting worse.
I'm studying and working on advertising, halfway through college. I have long days and little to no free time to do anything. I've been on a relationship for five years and my girlfriend is about to travel all the way across the ocean for her masters degree, and we have no clue where our relationship will end up. Every day that goes by feels like a punch in the guts, even something simple like waking up and going to class is taking a toll on me. I'm feeling weak, beaten, and exhausted - physically and mentally. I've been working no-stop for four years now: no vacations, breaks or anything like that (jumping from job to job). I feel like it's completely killing me, but I can't stop because, well, I need to pay my bills.
There are people that genuinely care about me, but I still feel completely alone, and I can't seem to understand why. Everything feels weird to me, and it's been a long time since I've felt completely awake. It seems that there's a part of me that has been shut-down, and it's not coming back. Have you ever felt like you're constantly dreaming? Like, everything feels slow and painful, every moment just keeps dragging on and on.
Like I said at the beggining of this post, I'm not sure where I'm getting at with this text post, I just needed to at least type this somewhere. I hope I didn't waste anyone's time.
Thanks.
|
self.depression
|
Moving out of your parents place Has anyone else experienced this? I loved our for college and am now back home working full time and I want to be closer to the office. This time though my parents are much older and have more health issues. They’re supportive of me moving out for real this time, but Im so close with my mom she’s been a major figure in my life. More than a mother, she’s been a friend and a confidant as well.
I have a social network - not the largest, but it’s there, but the thought of seeing my parents once a week or two weeks really freaks me out and is a huge shift for me.
I’m trying to get comfortable with feeling discomfort as I know this is something I have to do but I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety on this issue.
How have you dealt with this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Ex girlfriend threatens to kill herself if they don't get back together. My friend got dumped by his Gf a couple of months ago. Now he's moved on. And then, one day, the ex starts texting him, calling him. She even called me. I told her he was hurt by what she had done and that he simply didn't want to talk to her. So there's the situation - an ex Gf who threatens to end her life if he doesn't get back together with him. (He has no interest in getting back with her) What should he do? We just can't figure out how to deal with this. Our main goal is to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid and that she leaves my friend alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Afraid of being in the Prodormal schizophrenia phase , anxiety. Hello I’m about to be 18 and I started having anxiety issues about 2 years and a half ago. I haven’t been diagnosed with any disorder but I do suffer from obsessive thoughts and I worry a lot about stuff, and I’m a hypochondriac. When my anxiety started my constant fear was fainting and then after 1 year of seeing a psychologist my anxiety calmed down. I was okay for a year , I would have anxiety but I could deal with it using the strategies my psychologist taught me. Then last spring all of a sudden I started fearing going crazy, after reading a clockwork orange ( a book) . And then I started fearing schizophrenia in May. And during the summer I would worry sometimes but it calmed down. My senior year of high school just started August and this whole year I’ve been fearing being schizophrenic, in September I went to see my psychologist and he told me I couldn’t develop it because I have no family history or traumatic past, and I don’t live in a bad environment. But then I started looking things up on google ( I’ve done this for 2 years now) and now I’m convinced that I’m in the prodormal state of schizophrenia. I also have vision problems , my vision is very bad, and whenever I’m looking at a projector I see flashes of colors, kinda like the TV color bars. I see floaters and just línes and stuff. My vision gets very dim sometimes. And then the reflections in my glasses scare me, and I’m always checking to see if I see things from the corner of my eye. I’m just really scared I’m hallucinating, I’m always checking what I see and hear. It’s driving me nuts, like I know I’m not hallucinating and that it’s irrational but my vision is scaring me . And then I feel like my memory is really bad like sometimes I’ll be thinking something and then I’ll forget it, and my speech is freaking me out like I’m starting to stutter sometimes. And now since I’ve read up on all the symptoms I’m really scared I’m going schizo, like something I’ll get thoughts that people are gonna hit me( at school my friends always hit me in a playful manner so now I’m on alert) and I know these thoughts are irrational and that nobody is gonna hit me. I know all these anxious thoughts are irrational but they’re scaring me . I also have tinnitus which is a condition in the ear, I’ve had it for 2 years and I heard that when people are going schizo they have tinnitus. I also saw a story that said that people would have anxiety disorders a few years before going into psychosis so I’m really scared. I also saw a story that people in the prodormal stage of schizophrenia have insight that they’re going schizophrenia so that’s scaring me too. I’m really worried and scared, and I’m losing hope . An article said schizophrenia takes years or months to develop and that sometimes an anxiety disorder goes before it. I’m also trying to be a lot more outgoing and I go out with my friends a lot so I’m not having withdrawal, I also have good grades. But still I’m really scared and losing hope somebody help me....
|
self.Anxiety
|
I miss not feeling anything. I don't want these feelings. I've progressed to the part where I feel feelings again and now fluctuate between cautious optimism (maybe things will be okay...?) and terrified guilt and self-hate (why the fuck did you think you could do this why can't you stop fucking up you will never be worth the chances you have been given).
Now that I'm no longer at the bottom, I have a reason to be afraid of falling back down.
|
self.depression
|
I'm suddenly no longer anxious? As the title, i have had crippling social Anxiety for nearly my whole life, but ever since i got back on my antidepressant, which had never had this effect, and now i've suddenly been able to talk to people with little discomfort. Has anyone else had an experience like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm at the vet waiting to euthanize my dog He's 14 years old, and his heart had been giving him hell for the past couple of years. It's time, and everybody is asleep but me. Can someone say comforting things at me?
EDIT: LD was a very good dog.
|
self.offmychest
|
There is no limit to suffering. Physically. Mentally. There is no limit.
I thought I'd hit "Rock Bottom" when I was casually depressed.
I thought I hit it when I got my heart broken.
I thought I'd hit it when I'd been taken advantage of and emotionally abused.
I thought that rediculous physical pain was terrible.
How about absurd reflux pain, always there, making your quality of life shit and you unable to breathe.
What about losing all the support of your friends?
Watching someone you love being treated in an awful way while their life slowly evaporates, they themselves living in their own pain?
What about not sleeping for months or years at a time?
Losing your ability to walk?
Making a fool out of yourself for everyone who at one point probably respected you?
I've been through such a shitload. If you've gotten this far and want some self pitying and insane thoughts, feel free to look through my post history.
The thing is....the fact that I can type this message means that things can get worse.
I feel like I've been through a hell that is unending. As I'm writing this message I'm in a TON of physical and obviously mental pain.
Is there ever going to be a point where I can not be in pain.
Please help.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Therapy Its not that big of a deal i suppose but i just wanted to get it out
Today my psychiatrist suggested i might need ECT, shock therapy),,and i felt scared at first because of all the kinds of things you hear about it.
But honestly im thinking i really want to do it.. she said she had a patient who really improved because of it. My therapist also said she knew of one girl whose life was changed for the better because of it as well.
My psych. said of all her patients my depression has been lasting the longest in comparison to treatment time.
There has been not much positive movement, not with the inpatient, new medications, therapy.. its almost as if i am sinking deeper into the mud.
Honestly from my abuse i have come to hate myself so so much. It takes a while for people to grasp that abuse can be so internalized that all this turmoil...becomes a part of who you are as a being. And its a living hell most days.
Its like its dug into me and wrapped its roots around me and they have been there so long that i cant tell whats me and whats abuse and whats real and whats not.
And ive been able to shift the roots..but then they move right back.
So maybe shock therapy will actually reset me.
And give me a new start.
I really want to be the brave soul that was able to conquer the illness and work and fight through and spiritually heal and rise above..be an inspiration to those that struggle as well. Because if i could work through, so could others..because i wanted..or want, to be a healer.. but what kind of example would i be
If people looked at me and just said, "oh yeah, you had struggled but you got to shock them away, you did not do the real healing work.."
Thats what im afraid of..if that makes sense.
I wish i was that strong...
But i am so stuck
And i feel so broken
And i feel as though i cant rise above anything, and i couldnt even if i tried with all my might.
I feel like im dying slow..
So maybe i will do this. But im scared it will make me lose my depth and soul..yet at the same time i think i have a rotten soul?
I just dont know.
Can anyone relate
|
self.offmychest
|
I stopped cutting because of him. And then he broke up with me. We said we’d be friends and that we might pursue our relationship another time. But I was the only one putting anything into it, so I stopped to see him pick it up. But he didn’t. We haven’t talked in so long. And now he likes another girl, and now I’m cutting again. He was the only reason I stopped and I don’t have him anymore. I feel so lost, and I can’t really blame it on him, because it’s all my fault. I’m so sorry I wasted your time...
|
self.depression
|
Eating at a restaurant by myself for the first time Conquering a big fear today. Instead of picking up food and taking it back to my room, I'm eating at one of my favorite restaurants alone. Still feeling a little anxious but I thought I would share my small victory today. Happy weekend everybody.
|
self.Anxiety
|
The memories are eating me alive The last few years have been hellish whenever I’m outside the psych ward (which is barely ever), and I just can’t help thinking about how close I was before to getting out before my terror of the outside world took over and they held me involuntarily again. I keep hearing in my head the music I listened to around that time and the flashbacks are so intense that I want to cry...
|
self.offmychest
|
I fucking hate it. Me and my Girlfriend broke up about 5 weeks ago.....
And I don't feel a tiny bit better.
I miss her little hugs, her voice, her smell, the way she used to say "I love you". And yes I know how cheesy all that sounds.
I still love her... and the last time I spoke to her she felt the same way. And you might be asking yourself why the did you guys break up then..? Because it didn't work.
We didn't work together. We function waaaay better alone.
She'S doing her stuff. And I feel like I'm getting stuff done again.
We just couldn't let go from one another. We spent every minute together and it wasn't annoying. But it stood in our way.
And I fucking hate it. I hate that so much.
|
self.offmychest
|
Just got a new prescription After a year of being anhedonic and on ssris because of a shit doctor, i finally got a Wellbutrin prescription from a psychiatrist. Excited to see if this one works after SSRIs just made me feel worse.
|
self.depression
|
First you see us as "very good friends that could be more" and 24 hours later I feel completely dropped. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Suicide is the only logical option I work freelance and it's taking everything in me to be able to scrounge up enough gigs to last another month. It's literally driving me insane. I've applied to every goddamn job in the area, seriously there must be thousands of my applications floating around the interwebs by now.
No one fucking bites except for freelance. I literally can't get anything fulltime. I've done every bullshit thing with your resume and cover letter that you can, but no dice. The few times I've gotten interviews I've gotten so shy that I've bombed them all completely.
I may actually have to kill myself to preserve whatever decency and pride I have left. I still live with my parents, for chrissakes. I can't make enough to leave, but I can pay off everything else.
I'm a goddamn leech. That's all I'm good for. I am a net negative on the planet, I consume and do not produce. What do you do with leeches? You burn em the fuck off, you get rid of the fuckin parasites. I do not classify as a human being, though I may resemble one. Not until I am a man. I am a 22 year old child who is barely managing and hanging on at the point, consuming and taking instead of giving back.
Unless one of you motherfuckers has a magic bullet that'll magically fix everything (because at this point I literally do not have enough time to work at fixing everything, I'm too fucked as it is), I will be dead within weeks of the death of my grandparents. I will embarrass myself and profane the world until they go so I don't stress them out. They're both getting up in age so it shouldn't be any longer than a couple years. I won't be happy to see them go, I love them very much.
I'm at the point where this is the only logical option. I can't go back to school, I can't afford it. I'm not taking out any goddamn fuckin loans and making it even worse. I have the charisma of a celery stick so I can't pass any interviews. I can't even get minimum wage jobs or unpaid internships. I have no other choice.
Should I be a leech or should I do the right thing and free the world from myself? One less consumer. One less parasite. All the air I breathe and all the food I consume is better served for a giving and charitable. People with actual skill sets. People who are charismatic and fun to be around. I was always horrible at math and if you can't do math, you can't get a job in this day and age. They're just not fucking there. Nobody fucking wants me. I don't want to die but I don't want to live as an invalid either.
So tell me what to do. Because I don't want to die. But I can't live like this either.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I had an impulse to jump up and flip off my coworker today right in her face. I have no idea why I thought it was funny at the time. Who else gets stupid impulses? There were tears in my cubicle, lots of tears. I am usually pretty level headed and I don’t act on these impulses. [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Really afraid of gaining weight + emotional numbness (lamictal, quetiapine) My doc increased my lamictal dose by 50 mgs (I'm now taking 200mg per day) and gave me quetiapine 100mgs to help me deal with my insomnia. I have been struggling with bullimia for the last few years, and knowing that quetiapine is known for causing weight gain in most people, you can imagine that this can bring a great deal of anxiety for someone with an eating disorder. I never took them and I feel guilty for sabotaging my own well being over losing weight, any tips on that?
Also, I've noticed that lamictal has been dulling pretty much every aspect of my personality. On one hand it's great, I'm not as impulsive and self distructive, and am able to maintain a good conversation, whereas before I'd talk pretty much over everyone, jump up and down (anyone experienced extreme restlessness as a symptom of bipolar disorder btw? I felt like if I wasn't moving around I'd throw up and feel sick before starting my medication), but on the other hand I just feel like my body is on autopilot and my mind is entirely elsewhere. I don't feel strongly about anything, but I couldn't be bothered to try either. I'd describe it as the worst case of apathy I've experienced and it only worsens once I start to come down from the meds: I can barely open my eyes, feel extremely fatigued, feel sad but can't cry, I feel like I can say that I've had some episodes of dissociation while on lamictal.
Has anyone felt like this? I'd love to read your experiences with lamictal and quetiapine! Much love to you all❤️
|
self.bipolar
|
Welp, back to being alone for a while Broke up with the gf. It was mutual, went the best way it really could have. We just are different people, and we live different lives.
It hurts but it's the loneliness that going to hurt the most I suppose. It took me a long ass time to find someone (8 years). And finding someone else isn't going to be super easy, I just work and stay home most of the time.
So, time to inner reflect. Back to finding me. It's actually kind nice being by myself, but it's when it stops being nice is when it gets to be a problem. Wish me luck.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'M TRYING but it's EXTREMELY HARD Hi. 26 m, I have severe depression and I've been 10 months clean from speedball and cocaine/morphine abuse. I'm on antidepressants and benzos. I'm tryng to restart my life, I went back to college and earn 1/3 of the minimum wage of my country. Every single day I have this extreme thoughts that I have already destroyed my life and I'm extremely old to change. It makes crazy. I feel like such a scum,worthless failure. I wish I was 20. I don't know how long I can endure this, I'm suffering a lot. I thought morphine detox was the worst but this sort of mental anguish is unbearable.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Lost a semester, my financial aid, and my hope all within the span of hours. I want to crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after me. This semester started out bad, but it proceeded to spiral out of control after one of my friends who I considered an inspiration decided to end her own life unexpectedly. I pissed all over myself (figuratively) on my midterm in one class in particular and was talked out of dropping by the professor and my own mentor even though I should have known better. My own major depressive episode flared up like crazy after this, requiring me risking a medication change in the middle of the semester. I got sick as hell, which made me even more depressed, to the point that I had ideations of self harm. I proceeded to royally fuck up that class AND my capstone course and only managed to succeed in the other two I was taking because they were both SUPER frontloaded, which meant that the worst of the work was well over, plus they were total bullshit gen ed courses. I tried to get incompletes from the first two professors, but one said she wouldn't "because I deserved to have a break between semesters with no assignments" and the second said that he would plead my case to the Dean. Lo and behold, my transcript now has a shiny F and a No-Show F from those two classes. This would set me back bad enough to have to take high credit loads for my final two semesters, and I'm pursuing a hardship withdrawal, but my school likes the "all or nothing" hardship withdrawals. I'll lose an entire semester, which would roll me back even farther and fuck up the graduate school application cycle. This shit is bad, it can't get much worse, right? WRONG.
A few hours later, I get an e-mail telling me that my financial aid has been suspended due to failing to meet satisfactory academic progress because I've exceeded 150% of the time required for my degree. I struggled heavily with my bipolar disorder for years, leading to withdrawals, a few fails, and my having pursued a completely different major due to being manic as fuck. I've had to take withdrawals recently too, due to the passing of my grandmother, so my academic records are a mess. (The bullshit part of this is that a huge chunk of these credits were NOT paid for by any form of aid - I didn't even file FAFSAs because someone paid for them.) I have the right to an appeal, but it's literally ONE attempt and if they don't like what I say, I have NO further recourse. I now have NOBODY I can turn to for help paying for my education - most of my family has passed away, is an invalid, or in heavy debt due to their own medical issues. If I lose the appeal, which is highly likely given that their list of unacceptable reasons includes "poorly managed medical conditions", I'm completely ineligible for aid and my dream dies.
I waited over a decade while I fought tooth and nail to recover from my bipolar catastrophe and be strong enough to even consider returning to school to be able to pursue my passion and find a line of work that I can handle with my condition. I came back, had a kickass GPA ever since, would have been graduating exactly a year from now, and now it's likely over.
The bonus "fuck you" to all of this is that if I go through with the appeal, there's more shit to it:
* It has to be done with hard copies of letters and documentation and shit. This tethers me to being within a stone's throw of the school. I was supposed to go see my mom for Christmas and now I may not get to see her at all because of this shit.
* The appeal takes 2-3 weeks normally, and now the holiday week makes it worse. My payment deadline for next semester is well before that. They'd expect me to pay next semester out of pocket. Next semester would cost me over 9 thousand dollars, not including books. I have no money and nobody to turn to.
* The paperwork implies that going to want medical records from my counselors and psychiatrists, which brings my dirty laundry out in front of faculty and staff who I know through my involvement on campus.
When the full effects of this became apparent early this evening, I well and truly started feeling like I have nothing to live for and I suddenly understood what my friend would have been feeling in the hours when she contemplated the final steps she took to end her life.
If my dream dies, I might as well die with it. I'm struggling to find reasons to keep living.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I know I've made some progress, but I feel like I'll never been normal, never be happy and never live a fulfilled life. Just having to deal with depression is a constant battle. And most people I know don't even know I struggle with this. I just want to be happy.
|
self.depression
|
unfit I don't think I've actively wanted to die in a long time, but I've been living for about a decade now with a profound mental illness (diagnosed four years ago), and it feels more and more preferable to not be alive.
It's an odd feeling. It isn't despair, it's apathy--I would've liked to have lived a good life, but it seems as if it was arrogant of me to pretend I was fit to be part of a society, even with medication. It would be much easier for me to just stop. I don't mean that in a self-pitying way. It just...this isn't working for anybody. Not for me. Not for people who know me. Could feed and medicate me for another 40-70 years but why bother really?
I don't know if I should be more or less concerned by feeling this way. I don't feel desperate or like I'm going to impulsively crash my car or anything (I remember feeling that way and doing that before I was medicated, this isn't like that). I just feel a sort of calm mounting inexorability toward the best-outcome of my death. Sorry. I don't know what I'm driving toward here or what to make of it. Just counting down mainly.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Manic Gift to Myself from 2.5 Years Ago My husband wrapped up a gift for me and labeled it "To "AW" From "AW"" It was a set of headphones that he found looking for a box to put one of my gifts in. I didn't even remember purchasing them. Searched my amazon history and bought them 2.5 years ago when I was having a mixed episode leading up to my wedding. I know he meant it as a funny joke, but it just makes me sad. That I buy things I don't even really want, with no recollection when I'm manic.
|
self.bipolar
|
Anxiety is the computer virus that also destroys your anti-virus programs The anxiety's like "Oh, you need therapy to get rid of me? Good luck with that, considering the fact that I've obliterated your will to do anything."
It's a nightmare.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I've never had something feel so right. I've met someone.
I've met someone I never thought I would meet; someone I didn't even know could exist.
I've met someone who is the perfect balance of logic and feeling, someone who understands me and whom I understand on a level far deeper than either of us have ever known, or thought was possible. I've met someone who it feels like I've been waiting my whole life to meet.
I'm nearing 30. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds to me? I'm a sensible person. I know what logic and reasoning look like, I know what realism is, I know what a healthy relationship is (and sadly, an unhealthy one too).
And yet this person has like unlocked some deeper part of me that feels like it was waiting just for him. The things I've learned in my life, the experiences I've been through, have shaped me into the person that I am today, and it's a person who feels like an exact match.
It's fucking weird.
Everything feels right. Every conversation, every glance, every touch. The time we spend talking is like we're catching up on each other's lives. I've been in love a few times; had a good few relationships too. I've never felt anything even remotely like this before.
It's just incredible. And completely ridiculous sounding, I know. But it feels right. I can't even explain it. It's just the best.
Thanks for reading.
|
self.offmychest
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.