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Anyone else feel like they're mourning the loss of who they once were? I feel like that person is dead.
I'm not sure who I am anymore. I never thought I'd miss the old me.
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self.bipolar
|
Brody Brody, brody was a strange kid. He didn't have any friends at hiss school, sat alone in class, doesn't talk much, never went out. Nobody knew anything about him. No one wanted to talk to him. Brody hates everyone. Nobody would miss brody if he disappeared, nobody would notice. Why would anyone care about brody anyways. He's a loser, freak, wannabe. Nobody likes brody. Brody doesn't like anybody, especially himself. Why should brody live anymore?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I won't stop scarring my skin Why should I ? It helps me in a way, "reset" my mental state for a few weeks, and the blood trickling down my sides is so fascinating.
Perhaps I should kill myself, but I don't have the guts to do so. Even though I live an empty life and can't find any appeal to get out of bed. I will spare you the list of everything that makes me an invisible being destined to live in a "blank" state.
I don't think I should post this here, I feel like some kind of impostor (Am I legitimate when I write such things and some times later laugh at cute puppies ?). I don't want to post this at all, but I secretly hope sharing this with strangers will help me.
No matter what, I'll keep on cutting myself, it's not as if there would be someone seeing these scars.
Thanks to the people who read this with disgust, cringe, sadness, or compassion. It means I'm not completely invisible.
Ps : Forgive my English, it's not my native language. Plus I'm tired, I'm really sorry for my lack of writing skills.
(I bet my secret stack of snacks that I'll regret sharing this as soon as I hit Post.)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The "Classic" Egotistical + Low self esteem + anti-social teenager wombo combo. Started college this year. Failing 3/4 classes, that I picked specifically because I thought they would be easy. The group of friends I made were assholes who kicked me out of their group, so I have no cliche.
I am such a lazy fuck that every time I ~~try~~ think about getting help or put effort into getting a better test grades, it feels every cell in my body is repulsed by the idea. The only reason I am still alive is fortunately (unfortunately?) I'm too lazy / weakwilled to kill myself in any method aside from a firearm, and I don't own a gun. (If I were better at making, researching and following through with plans, I would probably be dead.) I think it's the same reason I'm so awful at school.
As the days go by the idea of working (if it's anything like school, which I know it's not, but everyone pretends school is a good precursor for it anyway.) becomes less and less appealing unless I land my dream job, and the prospect of just not wasting anymore of societies resources and shooting myself in the head seems like more and more of a viable option.
I'm not planning on killing myself anytime soon. Help other people who have an immediate need first (obviously). Not even sure if I'm allowed to post here due to this but fuck it I need someone to talk to who I don't care about enough to not want to make them worry and focus on me more than their own problems.
God I'm such a fucking asshole.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
One chocolate bar was enough to derail all the progress made the past week. Fuck Depression [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I have a wonderful husband, and I want to honor him He loves me unconditionally dispute this disease. He fights for me when I can't fight for myself. He provides for me so that I dont have to work. He is willing to have children with me even if that means more work for him.
I just wanted to share with you all. I hope that one day you find your equivalent to my Ben.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm reading this and it's as if I wrote it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
i just punched a hole in my wall because... **Before you read this, I would like for you to know that I am NOT a typical "incel"**. For years, being a perpetually single lonely virgin has brought me nothing but endless mental torture and anger. I am living in constant agony because of the fact that I have always been single and pretty much everyone around me has either had sex/been intimate with the someone or been in a relationship. It's tearing me apart inside and I don't know if i can live like this any longer. It doesn't help that I have a high libido. What triggered the punch through my wall, was a female friend I haven't seen in a few years just told me she lost weight and lost her virginity shortly after. I cannot believe it's that easy for some people to lose what has been causing me to live in such agony for the past 4 years (I'm 18). I know I'm still young and have a long life ahead of me, but the fact that shit like this is practically shoved in my face every single day and me not having access to it, makes my mental well-being plummet. During high school, two of my female ""friends"" told me that I am ugly and that I will never lose my virginity. I'm starting to think that they are right.
|
self.offmychest
|
Cymbalta--any experiences? (XPost from r/bipolar) Just wanted to see if anyone has any experience with this AD? I just started today and it made me quite sick. Not sure if I want to give it a chance. (I'm calling my pdoc about it tomorrow)
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self.bipolar
|
Military spouse with separation anxiety Hi I'm Cristina, 22 years old, and im a military spouse.
I feel like right off the bat if anyone ends up reading this they'll think "Why would you marry someone in the military if you have separation anxiety issues?"
Here's some background if you're interested, if not you can skip down to the bottom where I actually address my separation anxiety issues/questions:
We dated long before joining the military was even something he would consider. He had a lot of issues with college, and left him feeling like he military was the best option to get his life on track.
Anyway, we dated for 2 years then he joined the military and we were long distance for almost another 2 years. Oddly enough, I didn't really have any separation anxiety issues while we were long distance but I think it's because I was doing the last 2 years of my undergrad and there was never a time I wasnt busy with friends, schoolwork, internships, etc. We got married after I finished school and we moved across the county. Fast forward to 3 months ago, and my husband was put on this "on-call" deployment group where he could be deployed on a 72 hour notice to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time. So far, he's still home. But I found out last week that he's going on a short deployment (2-3 weeks) at the end of this month. Cue the anxiety.
Here's where I explain my issues: (I am so sorry for the wall of text)
I think it's slowly been building up since he was put on that "on-call" deployment group. Kind of just waiting on that call that he'll be leaving and I only have 3 days to prepare myself for it. But now there's a definite date in which he's leaving, and somehow that almost feels worse. Which doesn't make sense because when you know when something is gonna happen, you have time to mentally prepare. But instead I am mentally freaking out. We just got a dog and she's pretty well-behaved. Her only real issue is she's terrified of being outside because she was poorly socialized as a pup (we rescued her). I mention this because now I'm not only going to be alone, but be alone with our dog who's scared of being outside. We already hired a trainer by the way, he's coming on the 30th which was the earliest he could. On top of all that, I am starting my masters program next weekend which is right after he leaves. I guess I'm not good with a rapid amount of change in a short period of time. And I'm even worse with it when I have to do it alone. For the last week I've been ripped from my sleep by my anxiety with a racing heart, difficulty breathing, my body having shaking fits, stomach turning. Did I mention that my husband works from 11PM-7AM? So he's not here when this is happening to me. I haven't cried until tonight. It all came pouring out, and I felt better momentarily to cry but now Im still sitting here with these thoughts.
If you made it to the end of this post, kudos. And any advice to help with separation anxiety would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Bipolar preteen maybe? My middle child (there are 5 of them) is 12. She has become an absolute nightmare! She goes from happy to complete rage in a minute. She's getting violent at times. Her school counselor thinks she may be bipolar and after doing some research myself it fits. All except the manic episodes, we're trying to find a counselor now that will help a child like this. In the mean time I could use some advise and help for both her and me. Its getting almost desperate for both of us. Her episodes disrupt the house and are coming closer and more often. She rages and then she's apologetic. Crying that she can't control it and hates herself... I will never give up on her or walk away, but we're getting tired. Both of us are.
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self.bipolar
|
Is it possible that I'm not really bipolar? Hey y'all I'm a 21 M who was diagnosed with bipolar I after a manic episode about a year and a half ago. It was a psychotic break with delusions of being the Buddha, controlling people, thinking I had telekinesis, finding the secret to life, etc just shit like that. it lasted for about 2 months until I went to the hospital and I stayed there for 9 days. After that I felt deeply suicidal and went back to the hospital for about a week and after that I've been slowly getting back on track. Since then I've never felt manic and I've kinda just been depressed since the episode.
Now, I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about 6 months now and recently she felt as if I may not be bipolar but instead the manic episode came about from marijuana induced psychosis. I've been smoking weed since I was 17 and still do regularly.
Because she thinks I may not be bipolar she put me on zoloft, an ssri, to help me with my depression and anxiety. So far it has been working quite well and I haven't really felt manic. I've been on it for a week now.
So my question is, could I really not be bipolar? Could my mania have come about from weed? I ask this because I know that ssris without mood stabilizers can make someone manic, but I haven't been feeling that way.
What do you all think?
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self.bipolar
|
My mom found out I cut A few months ago, my mom found out I cut. I tried to play it off and tell her that I fell but she obviously didn’t buy it. She pulled me into a room and asked why I felt like I had to do this. We talked and then that was it. I told her that she was part of the reason for it because she was constantly ignoring me and (even though she says she doesn’t) she clearly favors my little sister over me. She’s constantly going to my sister’s gymnastics practice whereas she just drops me off (not even parking the car) at my events before she drives off to watch my sister. She spends hundreds of dollars on plane tickets so my sister can go to competitions in other countries and she won’t even take the time to drive me to Las Angeles (a 3 1/2 hour drive from where we live and even in the same state) so I can go to a convention and see the people who’s YouTube channels I go to whenever I’m feeling especially depressed. The guys who quite literally saved my life. There’s much more that my mom does that proves she likes my sister more but I won’t get into it right now. Point is, I thought my mom would try and be more understanding of me after that convo but the other day I heard my mom and stepdad arguing. My door was closed but they were so loud I could hear that they were talking about me. It was nighttime so I turned off my light and slowly opened my door at the end of the hall so they wouldn’t know I was listening in. I heard my mom tell my stepdad that he crushed my dreams (which is not true) and it was all his fault I was like this. I had asked my mom previously to not tell anyone but she clearly didn’t listen. My stepdad told her that the other day he brought home a brochure for some culinary school that he thought I might enjoy going to go tour. Not only do I have no interest whatsoever in culinary schools but I’ve openly talked about what I want to go to college for several times. My stepdad didn’t crush my dreams, he just didn’t know what they were. My stepdad retorted by saying that if I did any work around here maybe I’d have enough money to be out on my own already and I wouldn’t have to worry about him getting in the way of what I want. I immediately thought that what he said made absolutely no sense whatsoever. First of all, I do exactly what I’m supposed to do every day when my mom and stepdad are gone unless I’m working either one of both of my two jobs but when my stepdad comes home, if I’m there, he’ll find someway to tell my mom I didn’t do what I was supposed to. “The microwave is dirty so you didn’t do the dishes.” Is something he actually said to me one time even though there wasn’t a single dish in the sink and the dishwasher had already finished running. “If you had swept and mopped the kitchen, the counter wouldn’t be dirty.” Second of all, I’ve rarely even received an allowance in my life because growing up, whenever I did chores my mom would also think I didn’t do them (this was after she and my dad divorced but before she met my stepdad) and when the time came to get an allowance she would say I didn’t deserve it and hand my 4 year old sister the $10 I was supposed to get so honestly I never saw a point to doing chores while growing up if I didn’t get anything from doing them but I did them anyways because I was too scared to ignore them and then face the wrath of my mother.
Since posting my first reddit post ever, a lot in my life has changed. For example I now have 2 jobs. I work at GameStop in the mornings and as a delivery driver for Dominos in the evening. I also started a Let’s Play channel on YouTube but I’m so afraid to show my face or say much in my videos. I also usually only record Mon-Fri and only on days when I’m not working or when I’m only working one job because then I’ll have time to record for about an hour while my sisters at school and my mom and stepdad are at work because I’m really nervous about recording anything around my family. The last time I tried recording while anyone was home, my stepdad came into the room a few minutes after I started and began yelling that I had chores I needed to do so I had to stop my recording and that led to me deciding to only record when I’m home alone. The day my mom found out I cut, I took a black picture on Snapchat with the caption “my mom found out something today. I really need someone to talk to.” I don’t know if it was a cry for attention or what, but I think I was hoping someone would be there for me. A “friend” texted and asked what was wrong, and I broke down, telling her everything. About how I was just so sick of everything that led up to this point in my life. She then asked what my mom found out and if it was that I cut. I was driving so I didn’t answer but when I looked at my messages, I saw a bunch from her that said things along the lines of “you’re scaring me.” “Please tell me.” “I’m worried.” “Emily?” And other things. I responded with a simple “yes” and she instantly stopped replying. Now I’m still getting the same old “hi” and nothing else when I try and text her to just try and talk.
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self.depression
|
Why don't people care about you dying until you're dead? My whole family knows I'm depressed and I was in therapy but i missed a couple of appointments so they closed my case and I'm not in therapy anymore. I'm about to not be able to get any access to meds anymore. I am invisible because I'm considered an unattractive female. Life is just so incredibly boring to me. And i express this to my family. The people who disrespect me don't care for my well-being. But what if i decided to take my own life? I know my family would be devastated. But until then, no matter how much i express this to them, my mom will always be half listening and half playing on the computer and giving me a one sentence response and my dad will lock himself in his room like usual. There's no one that actually cares what I'm going through. But the day i die, my family will be sad and devastated and i bet even surprised. And other people may be surprised too. But why? They didn't do anything to prevent it from happening.
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self.offmychest
|
i feel like am gonne lose something very immportant i feel like am gonne lose something very immportant every time i try to do staff like some one is gonne take it away from me its like doing any thing is wrong and theres this voice that feels like if i follow it i wount lose that immportant thing and it oftn tell me to do insane things...and am really feeln fucked up i was just thinking if anyone could relate to this
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self.Anxiety
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I don’t know. I wrote stuff. I erased it. I just want to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i wanted to cut last night but i didn't just wanted to say thank you
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self.bipolar
|
I'm stressed as fuck: present and future and why cheating is never winning [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I have a dream job, but I hate it. I work as a full time wedding photographer. I shoot 40-55 weddings a year. I am employed by a company that turned me into a wedding photo slave. They taught me from the ground up. I didn’t do photography in the capacity that I do now. I went from second shooting for their photographers to shooting lead and eventually now running the photography department. The problem is I have come to absolutely hate it!!
I hate training new people. I hate having 0 time for myself. I hate shitty wedding food. I hate shitty brides. I hate shitty parents. I hate wedding coordinators. I hate the miserable person I’ve become. I hate being dehydrated. I hate double and triple weekends. I hate being paid the equivalent of $700 a wedding.
Forget a holiday or Saturday off. Forget time with family. Forget having any fun time.
I have a dream job. Just someone else’s dream.
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone like school and hate staying home? For me, my parents are not supportive at all but i have supportive friends at school.
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self.depression
|
Why does everyone call firefighters heroes? They are Not heroes! They all make incredible money for mostly working 9 days a month. Most if not all of them got into it for two reasons.
1. Great money for little work
2. For the glory
They mostly train for things that most people will never have happen to them. The vast majority of their calls are for aid. And the vast majority of those are for old people that fall out of bed at retirement centers.
The few “fire” calls they get are 90% fire alarm calls. Those are generated by faulty fire sprinkler systems, not smoke alarms or heat sensors.
So the next time your local fire service floats a bond so our “hero’s” can have a new Taj Mahal of a fire station or some wacky ass equipment that they will never use, think about this.
How many times in your life will you use or call for their service? Maybe twice. I’m 55 and I’ve never had to call them.
But, how many times in your life do you use the water or toilets in your home or at work?
Sinks, shower, toilet, washing machine, dishwasher. All those things you use everyday. Multiple times!!
Who provides that service to you?
Water and sewer workers, that’s who!!!
They drive old equipment, get crappy pay compared to our heroes pay. They work all week, every week. In the heat of the summer and the cold of the winter. Mostly outside. Exposed to hazards of traffic and the motoring public. They work in confined spaces and are exposed to toxic levels of chlorine and Hydrogen sulfide. They work in raw sewage.
They work shifts at wastewater and water treatment plants. 24/7/365
So you can take your daily crap and wash your dishes.
How do you thank these public servants?
I bet you think way higher of firefighters than you do of public works workers.
But who makes your life better everyday?
Firefighters are definitely needed, but they aren’t heroic!
The people who crawl through your sewers to make repairs so your neighbors shit doesn’t end up in your living room are the heroes
The people who come out in the middle of the night during a snowstorm to dig up a broken water main so you can take a warm shower in the morning are your heroes!
Next time you see a public works employee getting lunch before they go back to their thankless job, give them a thumbs up and thank them for all that they do for you.
And
Next time you see our “heroes” park their fire truck in a fire lane so they can get their lunch and take it back to their dry warm kitchen, make sure to let them know who the real heroes are.
I’m out!!
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self.offmychest
|
I deserve to be depressed, but at the same time I don't. I deserve to be depressed in that I am an absolute piece of shit and a burden to others, but I don't in that I have nothing to be depressed about.
|
self.depression
|
Is there nowhere online to talk about anxiety of aging and death? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Too excited to sleep (for no reason) It's 4 am where I live (US east coast) and I've been staring at the ceiling for hours- what do you guys do when you feel too amped to sleep? It feels like I'm 8 and it's Christmas eve and my thoughts are big and fluffy but disintegrate like cotten candy melting in the rain. Like I'm grasping at straws but there are a million of them. Like I'm the center of the universe but the universe is expanding around me really fast and I know I'm here but I'm getting harder to see add the camera pans out.
How can you sleep when you've got this much going on?
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self.bipolar
|
Would definition help ? Feeing happy or depressed is not literally feeling good or bad . I think they’re two sorts of feeling and every has it characters . Maybe feeling sad helps to know myself better and explore new ideas . Maybe I just tell myself that I’m normal creature who has decreased level of serotonin so it feels mostly by this unacquainted feeling that develops him
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self.depression
|
Random Feelings of Anxiety? Does anyone else have this? I mean, majority of the time I am experiencing this weight on my chest, I cant breathe properly, and overall I just feel lethargic. It just tires me out, and I don't even have a reason to feel anxious! Can anyone relate?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can boredom cause anxiety? It has been the holiday break and I’m bored for almost a week, same as being anxious for a week. Can boredom be the cause of my anxiety?
|
self.Anxiety
|
BF enjoys looking at porn, and idk how to feel about it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months.
It's not a secret that most people look at porn in some way, shape, or form. However, I'm not most people. I rarely watch it or look at it myself. I am not an overly sexual person due to many personal reasons, yet we have no issues being romantic or intimate with one another -- and it's not even that he does it a lot [?].
However, it just bothers me for some reason. It's never bothered me before in previous relationships, but with him... it just makes me frustrated. The simple form of advice here would be, "just talk to him about it". Yet, I can't. It would be ridiculous to ask him not to look at any NSFW material, or so I feel? Besides... the internet exists and makes NSFW content so easy to view...
My frustration has led me to ask my friend circle how they'd feel, and I went to them with this question:
'If you were dating a girl, how would it make you feel if she looked at porn/naked men often?'
Just to see what their responses were... and they were all okay with their partner looking at other naked men. They were all males, so I don't know if I can even rely on their responses to somehow make me feel okay with it. Honestly, I feel like I'm the only one.
I kind of want to know how YOU guys feel about it.
I don't want the answer, "oh, everyone does it so I don't care if my girlfriend/boyfriend/SO does it too."
I want to know if it makes anyone else insecure? Or, if I am just one of the few who do? I don't know... just something about it, and it's been bothering me for a while... and I don't know how to handle/approach it.
Oh, and I'm a girl btw. I don't know if that matters or helps. I just, ugh. Needed to type this all out and get my thoughts in one place and maybe talk about it if someone wants to. Sorry if this isn't the right subreddit for this either...
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self.offmychest
|
Zoloft causing lump in throat on day 2 I'm on day 2 taking 25 mg zoloft. And I have had real bad dry throat since day 1. But now I feel like there is a lump in my throat? Im pretty scared of my throat closing, I have health anxiety after all. Am I having that kind of reaction? Or is it dryness just reaching my throat?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I CANNOT stop ruminating about past humiliations and failures and it's killing me I've always struggled with rumination, I have an inability to just let things go or forget them, but lately it's been ridiculous, they come every 10-20 seconds and I cannot get a moment's reprieve. Every time I start to almost enjoy something my brain creeps in with 'remember that time you humiliated yourself in front of everybody' and the depressive thinking comes right back. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it feels like my brain is on a mission to make me miserable. I cannot live with this constant 24/7 feeling of embarrassment, humiliation and shame.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My life is literally fucked like none of this over dramatic teen shit, i mean FUCKED, if people only knew
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self.depression
|
Why do folks claim they're there for you when they're so obviously not? Does anybody else get annoyed/angry/bothered/insulted when people claim they're there for you? In my case it's only folks who absolutely refuse to follow through and/or random recent acquaintances I barely know.
I feel these folks are only putting on a show to seem compassionate on social media and/or to themselves. In various cases, "friends" have publicly postured all caring but then don't respond to messages or say they're actually too busy. (They of course aren't to busy to hang out with other, higher-status people.) It's been months and I still haven't gotten together in person with any of them. These are people I've supported in countless ways over the years, who say they love me but clearly don't mean it. The "friendships" have always been one-sided.
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self.depression
|
I regret every meeting you people. The fault is not yours but mine. I knew I was too fucked to even associate with you individuals, yet I did and every second now brings me pain. I wish I could just forget it all and go back to my solitude for at least that pain was bearable.
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self.depression
|
Light therapy for bipolar with seasonal pattern? I have a clear seasonal pattern to my depressive episodes - I've only ever had major depression in the winter. I had depressive episodes every winter in high school, getting bad enough that I started medication for it junior year. I didn't get depressed last winter - my freshman year of college, but I was on a ton of meds that were making me manic. I'm currently just taking 80mg Latuda, trying to use Provigil to help me wake up in the morning(may have to stop as it lowers blood levels of Latuda), and 2000IU vitamin D. I'm looking into options for relatively fast acting therapy with antidepressant effects to try if I start getting depressed again this winter.
Light therapy looks good - it's fast acting and effective, but it carries a risk of inducing mania or mixed states. What I'm wondering is whether the mania and mixed states that some people get from light therapy tend to go away when the light therapy is stopped or if it triggers longer-lasting episodes. An afternoon or two of hypomania is an acceptable risk, but a weeks - months long manic or mixed episode is not. I'm going to talk to my pdoc about it at my next appointment, but I'm curious as to what effect, if any, light therapy has had for you guys.
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self.bipolar
|
Reached a new level of depression. I no longer even want to have a normal life, because I know it will never happen. I don’t even have a tiny bit of hope that things will get better anymore. I’m only 16 but I feel like I’ve messed everything up. And I’m angry at myself for that. That’s something I’ll never get over.
I can never be normal because I’ve had such a weird childhood, and I see no way I can ever change. I’m either going to die young or live a miserable life.
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self.depression
|
I was scared for a friend's safety and let his mother know I was concerned, now he despises me So to preface, we're all in high school, and this friend had been constantly sending messages to our group chat for about two days, telling myself and the others in chat about how much he hated his life, how he wanted to kill himself, describing how he would kill himself in graphic ways. He's a very stubborn guy and was refusing the idea of getting professional help. Last night he kept his girlfriend up until 2AM (I know this because I texted her during it trying to calm her down) and she cried herself to sleep. Today she wrote two exams. The most worrying thing was that he kept repeating that he would "do something stupid" in one week and did not clarify what he meant.
Obviously because he's our friend and we care about him we were all concerned for his safety, and I decided to let his mother know (though I asked for anonymity and told her through a third party.) I didn't tell her all the details but I let her know that he had said some concerning things and that he might not be well. I feel like I maybe should have held off but I genuinely believed he was in danger.
Now he's figured out who'd informed her and is really fucking angry. He's also been claiming that it was all a joke, but with the sheer number of texts and the graphic nature of them I'm not sure I believe him (and if it was a joke, he really hurt his girlfriend.) He genuinely despises me now, and I can see how he would. I've probably turned his life upside down. But I was afraid that if I held off that he would hurt himself. I'm obviously feeling really shitty right now but I don't want to make this about me because he's the one who was hurting in the first place.
Sorry if I posted this to the wrong place, I checked beforehand but let me know if this doesn't fit the sub's guidelines
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow First post here and new to this sub, but I feel like I've had anxiety for years. Every time I've been to the doctor in the past and they checked my blood pressure it was high, which I believe is due to my anxiety.
I made an appointment for myself tomorrow basically just to have a check-up and talk about my anxiety. I feel constantly worked up and worried. I tend to use the bathroom a lot (every couple hours on average) and I know this is a main symptom of diabetes which has always worried me, but it's also puzzling because I'm 27 and not overweight. I had blood work done before and everything was normal, but it's been 3 1/2 years now. Lately I've even convinced myself I may have kidney disease because of bubbles in my urine, but I peed in a cup and got no bubbles, so that calmed me a bit.
Anyways, I'm seeing a Doctor tomorrow to help calm my health anxiety and talk about ways to manage my stress or medications I can take to keep my blood pressure in check. If I have any other health problems, I'll be glad to know so I can fix it, but hopefully it's just my constant anxiety causing me symptoms. I just thought I'd share this here to get some support. Has anyone here been to the doctor to treat anxiety? How did it go for you?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm so weary of living. I don't know how I'll get through the next week much less the next year. I never wanted any of this. I care for nothing. I want nothing anymore. I'm just finished but won't let go. Why can't I die. Living to spite others doesn't work. Living for yourself doesn't work. Nothing works, nothing. Burn it down, burn it all to ash. Be rid of it, be free of it. I never wanted any of this hell I've had to suffer because of my father.
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self.depression
|
Not sure if this is the right sub for "breakups". [deleted]
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self.depression
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I might seek help but any advice for coping? Not all of the time but sometimes when I get really very anxious about something usually out of my control I physically feel terrible. I feel dizzy, my chest feels tight, and I can't concentrate on things I just feel like I want to shut sown. However the past few weeks I've had them more often. I've been stressed about a lot of things like college applications, my girlfriend breaking up with me, and today what bothered me a lot was that I run track but I've been injured so I might have a bad season because i'm missing some practices. I find my mind wandering a lot during school if it's a class that I'm not very engaged in and I get these thoughts. Whenever it gets bad where I physically feel bad I think I'll get some professional help it usually goes away soon and I forget about it. Also one minute I'm fine about something but then I worry about past events I thought I was over. It always goes away then comes back. I will probably seek help but I want to talk to my brother about it first because he has OCD and went through similar things. But in the mean time any advice to try and prevent these attacks or help get me through them? Especially things I can do in class so this doesn't happen during school?
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self.Anxiety
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Worse and worse Ok so last time I posted here I was very set on ending things which I tried to the easiest way I could . over the counter pain killers .
I have tried once before and they sent me into renal failure at 17 years old I played it off like I didn't know why it happened and because I waited so long to see a doctor I have a team of nephrologists still trying to figure out why I had renal failure out of no where .
I made a full recovery although I still have to visit the doctor at least once a year to make sure my kidneys are doing ok .
A bit of background . I started drinking at 12 very heavily . pills followed . Cough and cold all the way to oxy . I had seizures , broke my jaw , got arrested , and OD'D countless times . I'm 19 now . I'm a lot better although the pain from my past hurts me so fucking bad .
So much happened in my younger years its like I cant live anymore knowing my past .
I saw a doctor in the ER last week because I had some abdominal pain thinking it wqs my kidneys because I swallowed a shit ton of pills wanting to end it all , again . instead I changed my mind an hour later and threw everything up for 2 days thinking I could reverse it .
I ended up in the ER on my own anyway only for the doctor to tell me I have to stop drinking . I did ok for like 3 days . I drank a pint of whiskey tonight my usual and I had a great night with good people I come home and I just want to fucking die again even though I know I shouldn't and I can't and I don't want to . I have insurance under my parents names and I just want some fucking help because I come so close to dying every weekend now . I'm so on the edge and exhausted and over it . it's completely dangerous and not ok and I know it . I recognize I can't do this but I dont know who can help or what I can do without causing so much attention to me . its fucking horrible if I don't get help I know I'm going to end up dead within the year . but I don't want to .
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self.SuicideWatch
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Antidepressants Hi
What medications can you overdose on
I am taking Pristiq? How much of that would o have to take to end up in hospital/ded
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm scared I'll kill myself So I have been suffering depression and social anxiety sense I was 8 (I'm 16). But lately it's been overwhelmingly very bad. It's to the point where I'm so scared that one day something will happen that will trigger me to commit suicide! I don't want to but it's like I know that something will trigger me one day. A month, a year or even a week from now I could just snap and do it. Lately it's the urge has been getting more and more stronger and I'm afraid I'll go and do it and leave everyone I love behind.
Help aha....
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can never just be content and I need help I feel like I am always waiting for something. Waiting for the next episode of a show when I'm only halfway through the one I'm on. Waiting for my next shift of work. Waiting for that shift to be over. Waiting for dinner. Waiting for bed.
I'm never just...able to go with the flow. I feel like I'm going insane.
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self.offmychest
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Some shit I was thinking in my head: Help me make sense of it please [deleted]
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self.depression
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I think myself into sadness I started to worry about something miniscule and an hour later I'm making it into a huge deal and it feels like the end of the world.
I feel sad and angry at myself that I'm like this. I'm suppose to go hang out w a friend tonite and I'm nervous I'll be in a terrible mood around him because of this
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self.depression
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I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCKI DON'T GIVE A FUCK
I.DONT.GIVE.A.FUCK
I.HAVE.NO.FUCKS.TO.GIVE
WHAT.PART.ARE.YOU.NOT.FUCKING.COMPREHENDING.
FUCK.OFF.WITH.THAT."HELPFUL".ADVICE
Thank you.
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self.depression
|
What is even the point anymore? My life isn't going anywhere. No one cares. I feel depressed or anxious 75% of the time, just completely empty another 20%, the 5% of happy isn't worth it because every time I'm happy, excited, or something good happens, its quickly wiped away by something bad/negative.
When I'm feeling particularly bad, knowing I have the power to make it all stop cheers me up. Until I realize I'm too chicken to really do it.
I'm tired of feeling like this. I can remember being 5 or 6 years old and wishing I didn't exist. That was over 20 years ago. 20 years of not wanting to live is far too long. I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I'm tired of being broken.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Work blues.. anyone relate or have advice? So at work today someone who works in my building ( I work in the school system) lied and said I watched a incident occur and said nothing and that I do absolutely nothing and just collect a paycheck to my supervisor. May I add, this man only comes in my building once or twice a week and I rarely see him). My supervisor told me that he is very bitter and miserable so he likes to pick on others I still feel like he can get me fired.
Although I know this is not true I just feel like everyone feels that way there about me because I tend to mind my business and keep quiet people seem to think you don’t do anything when that is the farthest thing from the truth. I am working hard to be more confident in my abilities and stuff like this knocks me 10 steps back..
Anyone relate? Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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there are few things I loathe more than requiring the help of others. But I've spent most of the last 20 years (just turned 38) incarcerated in so many long term, locked wards that I lost track of how many so long ago that I usually find it makes it easier if I just lie and make something up (like there's an entirely different approach to treating patients with x number of hospitLizatiions vs. those still somewhere in y-country).
I've been actually doing unusually well the last 3.5 years. I even developed a bit of phobia about NOT taking my lithium, etc. -- I know there were aspects of mania that were, well, intoxicating, but more often (referring to the last decade or so) than not, the exhiliration degenerated into terrifying hallucinations and delusions that invariably bought me a ticket to the nearest psych ER in restraints blah blah...
Here's why I'm posting: I haven't been able to sleep in three days. My doc (of more than 18 years) is out of the country. I think maybe it's becoming noticeable as it seems that everyone I engage in conversation quickly gets that deer-in-headlights-look and suddenly has to go do something. Also, I've spent an obscene amount online in the last few dsays and now that some of the stuff has been deliverered... well, it seems that I was under the impression that I could teach myself everything necessary to become the world's foremost forensic scientist while creating a unifying theory that would permently end the conflict between the devoutly religious and devoutly atheistic.
i know: nuts. i found a couple of old zyprexa abd i took that with an extra lithium a few hours ago. so, it's just a matter of time before everyone I encounter is going to think there's somethin really wrong wirh me; and they'll be right. I really REALLY don't want to go back to a hospital. It's like a phobia, by now. Any advice?
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self.bipolar
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I guess that connections and friends are just impossible for me I never really had any close friends. Or friends. The closest I had were people that would talk to me if I was there, they would never reach out to me or anything.
Then I met this person and they quickly became my best friend (not hard when there's literally no competition). A few months down the lane I drifted off cause they started being very nasty to me more often than not. Looking back they were abusive.
Now I've met this other person, again became my best friend and were wonderful. We started dating after we realized we had mutual feelings for one another. I love this person. I really do. They're so incredible and everything. But I think they're just taking advantage of me. Sometimes no just isn't an answer when it should be, asking if I can buy them XYZ as a gift then getting overly upset if I say no until I concede. Not once but multiple times, almost every time we would go out. I just don't know anymore. I'll probably stay with them ignoring all this since I can't stand being alone, I'd probably die alone. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I've pondered the fact that there has to be something wrong with me. I'm the only common thread among all my failed attempts at connections. I just don't know what it is and nobody will help me.
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self.depression
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late rant tonight was good until about 2:30am when i started to have a depressive and paranoid episode. hearing things and seeing things that aren't there isn't good to deal with. i was listening to music and playing video games because it helps keep me focused on something not negative for once and i started to think about life. all these friends i have, all these things i do, and all the memories I'm making will mean nothing eventually because I'll die. there's nothing i can do to stop it from happening but one day it will happen many years from now. i never feel like/have the energy to do anything anymore and I'm wasting my precious time on this earth. :(( anyone else thinking about that a lot too?
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self.depression
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I just need help. Please take the time to read. I'm going to try and be as brief as I can, but for me that means this will probably still be a very long post. If I'm unclear on anything just ask in the comments though.
EDIT: yep, ended up being super long.
#please do read it though, I'm afraid nobody will and I don't have anyone IRL to talk to. and if you can help please do, I NEVER usually ask for help and don't know how to accept it usually but I really need to try. Also for some reason I'm more comfortable with comments than private messages for some reason, but if you feel you need to or that it'd be better in some way you can PM me. Thanks a lot
Right now I am broke and homeless(but in the not really homeless way), just left a job at my dads automotive shop about a month ago because he's really fucked up(like way way beyond normal shitty narcissistic parent level) and also because I'm a recovering addict who's been clean for about 2 years and the shop was full of methheads/dopeheads and drugs were everywhere and everyone there simultaneously gave me shit for being a drug addict(only after I got clean though, they were nice(r) to me when I was on drugs) while high on meth and whatever else, and many of them offered/encouraged me to do drugs. There's a ton more to say but I'm trying not to go on like I usually do.
After I left I was staying at my moms house for free, using the little money I had saved up to contribute to bills/food. But she has an extreme case of bipolar disorder with psychotic episodes, and started doing meth about a year ago which is a really horrible combination. She has been in a consistent psychosis since then, thinking bugs are everywhere and trying to cut them out of her skin/tearing at her eyeballs because she thought bugs were flying out, etc. She doesn't sleep, like ever, I don't know how she does it, but that means nobody living there can sleep when a psychotic bipolar person on meth is running around poisoning the whole house with bug bombs and bleach and every other chemical to get rid of bugs while keeping all the windows shut to keep more bugs from getting in, vacuuming the ceilings/the mattress I'm trying to sleep on at 3am, and a bunch of other shit you didn't think actual non-institutionalized people did(me and my siblings tried to get her 302'd/forced into a mental hospital, but in my area they don't 302 drug addicts because if they admitted every crazy methhead or constantly overdosing dopehead with a concerned family member who tried to force them into a facility, they'd need a whooole lot more facilities). Aside from that it was obviously a disaster to live there, was constantly walking on egg shells and expecting a catastrophe to happen at any given second. had to put out a moderate fire that idk how she started, sit outside for a night and try to get her out of the house for as long as possible so we didn't die from all the chemicals in there, wrestle creepy dudes/drug dealers out of the house when they were harassing her for whatever reason, every other day was a major fucked up event that seemed like an episode of an overly dramatic tv show.
Anyway, show got arrested for something, probably drug related I still don't know what, she just didn't come home one day and somehow my younger sister(still in HS) knew she was in jail, our dad probably told her but idk how he knows. I can't get into the house and even if I could there's no electric/power/food(I can't afford food because I just spent the last of my money for a job that I didn't end up getting because of drug-related misdemeanors I got 3-4 years ago even after they told me I was hired and made me pay for a physical and do 12 hours of training that I was supposed to be paid for but wasn't).
The day before my mom was arrested, I went to my x-gf's house(actually her moms house, we are in our early twenties and couldn't afford to move out yet, I lived there with her since after highschool up until a few months ago because my parents were fucked up and I had nowhere else to go). I went there just to get away from my moms house, and we were still best friends. We have a weird relationship(in an unusual way, not a 'complicated' way), we both had pretty much no friends since around 17-18 years old and didn't fit in with anyone, met eachother senior year and were instantly best friends, never really officially started 'dating' or whatever but were obviously together and exclusive, neither of us has ever even kissed another person or anything. Calling her my x-gf is innacurate, she's just my person/friend/girlfriend and it's hard to explain in a way that people will actually know what I mean. Anyway I ended up staying at her house after I couldn't go back to my moms, and have been here for about a month. Her mom doesn't mind helping me but she is old and has 3 kids around my age who still live at home and work retail-type jobs to take care of. I can't afford food anymore, although I applied for foodstamps and if I get approved should get them in a few weeks. But I feel horrible sitting in their house everyday doing nothing and eating their food, I was already severely underweight and I don't each much because I feel bad about eating their food.
I'm looking for jobs within walking distance every day - though to be honest not putting in as much effort as I should be because I honestly haven't decided if I'm going to keep trying or just kill myself yet(I know about all the helplines and suicide-help subs/websites etc already. thank you though), and even when I do want to try I constantly feel extreme dysphoria/apathy and anxiety and can only force myself to do so much and can't function like a normal person when I don't spend a good portion of my time engaging in escapism(tv, meditating, thinking about killing myself, etc). I also 'waste' a lot of time developing a game that I've been working on for a while. I'm a self-taught programmer and am very good at it and at game development/design, and it could/would be a pretty good game if/when I finish it, but that would take at least 4-5 months to do and I don't have that time to sit around working on a game while living in someone elses house with no income, so it feels like wasted time, although it's also the only thing that brings me happiness and hope. If I could get a job as a professional developer(web, game, or mobile development, I have experience doing personal projects with all of them) it would solve all of my problems, and I would find a way to get to work and everything(assuming I'd have to take a job in the city ~45 mins away) even if I had to walk an hour to the bus stop and borrow money for the bus every day. But with no degree and a list of criminal charges I've been unsuccessful in finding a job in that field as well. I used to do some freelance work(low paying jobs from sites like upwork.com), and even that would be great right now, but I haven't gotten responses for any of the jobs I've bid on and haven't cared enough to bid on as many as I could. I'm a very good developer but not good at selling myself and don't have any degree/work history/credentials to back me up.
I think I've explained enough at this point. Basically I'm in a shitty position, and need to do a lot of work to get out of it, but I just don't care enough to do it. Even if I did do it, it'd just be so I'm not a burden on my gf's family, and not because I have any drive to do anything for myself at this point. Basically my goal is to not be a burdon, which means I either have to make a lot of money to get out of this hole or kill myself. I actually want to kill myself but can't bring myself to do it, so with that not an option I have to find somewhere to hire me but it's proving to be really difficult with my work history/criminal record and inability to afford clothes that don't make me look like a homeless person, or a haircut, or a phone so I can give employers a number to call me back on, or shoes that aren't taped/glued together(my mom threw out ALL OF MY STUFF because it was infested with bugs, even clothes and electronics-thankfully I had my laptop on me at the time and still have that or I would've given up already). I do realize that I should keep trying anyway because eventually someone will take a chance on me, I do very well in interviews and am a very competent worker, and I DO try as much as I can force myself to, but that just isn't enough. If I could get past being depressed and suicidal and anxious I would be able to do the things that I need to do, I never was that good at discipline/self-direction but when I'm not so severely screwed up mentally I can usually do the things that I have to do. But every day, being in this situation, those feelings only get worse, and it gets harder to keep trying. I've already hit my bottom and had that boost of motivation, that's when I 'got' that last job that ended up un-hiring me, but since then I've fallen far past my bottom and at this point I think my bottom is when I kill myself/am dead, which isn't something I'm actually going to do at this point, but it's clear that I'm going to keep heading in that direction until I hit that point where I can't bear to be conscious another second and finally do it; I have gotten to that point before a few years ago, and killed myself by intentionally overdosing on drugs, but someone saw me and got help and I was revived, and since then my life has gotten considerably worse and I haven't really had an periods of time where I didn't wish I was successful in killing myself.
I've asked for help on reddit before(I don't have anyone irl to ask for help besides my girlfriend and her mom, my gf does what she can but has issues of her own to deal with and I try to help her with them, and I can't talk to her mom about the full extent of my problems because I'm already kind of inadvertently manipulating her with guilt into helping me(she knows my parents and the general details of my situation and my past and feels bad for me, she's pretty normal/naive about this kind of stuff and is still completely baffled that this kind of stuff happens and those kinds of people exist). Also she wouldn't understand and would just tell me to exercise or 'find a friend' or something(I do put an extreme amount of effort into forcing myself to exercise, it does help my anxiety/depression when I manage to do it). I've had a lot of people on reddit who were very nice and wanted to talk and help me, but I usually don't respond much if at all because I don't know what to say/how they can help/how to be helped. I'm not a very social person to say the least and I just don't get it, but want to give it another try today while I care enough to actually try.
Sorry for the long post, knew that was going to happen, I have a lot to say and only got to say about half of it but I don't want this to be so long that nobody reads it, although it probably already is.
#EDIT:
#I've had a long day, but I wanted to thank everyone here, you helped a lot more than I thought you would already. I just got inside and I need to sleep but tomorrow I will probably be messaging a few of you, I just wanted to let everyone know I really appreciate your effort and let you know that I've read all of your responses before I went to sleep. I will have time & energy to respond to everyone personally tomorrow, I feel bad for not doing it now but it's been a really long day and I don't even want to get into anything about that.
#I'm very uncomfortable about asking for help and it's hard for me to say anything in this position, but I realize I need to because you guys have the capacity to help me and I really need it right now, and I understand rationally that there is nothing wrong for asking for help sometimes, it's just something I don't know how to do and makes me uncomfortable.
#I'm glad I had the energy and motivation to make this post this morning, and coming back to see everyone's responses after the end of a long day was just what I needed. I look forward to being able to respond and talk to you tomorrow. Thanks again to everyone here, I can honestly say that each person said something unique that helped me in a different way, and I never say that kid of thing unless it's genuinely true
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self.offmychest
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I'm losing my mind and would like some help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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What do you do when you actually feel what you're feeling for the first time in a long time? I felt sadness tonight and the emotion actually tore into me. I didn't cry but I really, felt it, y'know?
Anyone ever go thru this?
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self.depression
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That empty feeling, like something is missing. I've actually been doing well as far as my mental health is concerned; however, when I lay in bed at night, or even when I zone out in class I get this empty feeling. I get deep into my thoughts and it just feels like something is missing. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but I can feel it in my gut. It makes me sad because it seems like I've got it all figured out and then this feeling hits. Maybe it's loneliness kicking in? Or maybe I need a hobby? Does anyone else get this feeling? I just wish I knew how to fill the void in a healthy way.
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self.depression
|
I really need to offload, can anyone offer me some support please? I'm just crying and can't handle it anymore. I feel so fucking done. It's almost been three years since I left University and I still can't hold down a full time job, I left my first one due to stress and moved back in with my parents. Then I got another and I got fired because I "wasn't showing enough drive" for the work (I pretty sure that just means I wasn't working overtime enough) and I've been unemployed (again) for the last three months. Next week I have to move back in with my parents again. I'm 24, I just want a mediocre job so I can support myself and do fun things with my friends. Is that honestly so much???
The only thing that was keeping me going was the gym, I started bulking and gaining weight and actually liking how I was looking. Then I injured my leg, and it's been over a year of physiotherapy to get to the point where I can just about use it again. And now I've hurt my foot AND my elbows. I went to the gym today and just felt my elbows hurting and I knew I had to go back to physiotherapy because I can't just work into the pain. Literally everything I'm trying to do is just going wrong and has been for the past three years. I just feel like curling into a ball and dying because as hard as I'm trying I just can't even achieve the simplest things. What's wrong with me? Am I really that incompetent?
This has turned into a giant rant, but today I just feel like I can't go on anymore. I've been going to therapy twice a week for two months and I just feel the worse I've felt in ages to be honest. I feel like I'm trying to do everything right, but it just isn't helping.
Can anyone offer my some sort of support or just some story of how you overcame hurdles, because I'm starting to feel like nothing is ever going to change for me.
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self.depression
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I just don’t know what to do anymore... I don’t want to live. However, I don’t know if I have it in me to take my own life. I really wish I could. I just keep going from one bad situation to another and my feelings are continuously invalidated. No matter how my life changes or who comes and goes it’s like a constant. I want to be happy, and I try to keep at least somewhat positive and keep a sense of humor through everything, but at this point in my life it’s all too much for me to take anymore. My grandma is the one person who is there for me no matter what, but I just wish she’d give up on caring about me so I could just leave my miserable life behind. Maybe if it weren’t for her I could finally leave this all behind...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I noticed a lot of people post about the hardship of not having a S/O. I don't even want a girlfriend. Anyone else in the same boat? [deleted]
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self.depression
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So hopeless I'm so heartbroken, hopeless, lost. Holy shit I want to die. But I don't. Jesus Christ
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self.depression
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So this is that dark hole people refer to All my friends are gone. The guy I loved. I am tired, lonely and a little broke. I dread being at work and depressed, but as soos as I get home the silence makes the depression even more prominent. My future currently looks like a blur and I constantly have to remind myself why I should stay alive. As soon as I think I feel better, memories of how simple my life once was creep up and sudden pangs of heartache occur. Its difficult for me to grasp the fact a few months ago I was secure, happy and surrounded by those I love. I feel awful and oh god, it's going to be another long night.
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self.offmychest
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17 and in a bad place Ever since I wrote that first suicide note at age 12, everyday has just been focused on making it to the next one. My goal to survive till 13 turned to surviving till 13, 14, etc...
And now I'm here. At 17 I'm so exhausted and tired of battling this. I feel so pathetic, but I don't know how much more I can take. I'm so lucky to have a family that supports me and gets me help, but I'm so tired of doctors and medicine and therapy and groups and talking about my problems till I can't breathe anymore. All of this time and effort into "getting better" and I'm still on the verge of breaking down everyday.
I don't want to hurt my family, but I don't know if I can do any of this anymore. I act like everything is alright, but I can't stop writing my suicide note in my head and hurting myself over the most insignificant things. My friends told me to keep my personal life private, and I'm trying, but things are getting bad...I don't know.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It feels a bit better to get this out. I don't know how much time I have left, but I don't want to put my family through anymore pain.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Odd Health Anxiety symptom disappeared after talk Hello all,
I recently have been going through a very stressful and anxious period.
During this time, I developed muscle twitched in my pectoral muscle. It was really bothering me for a month, and I obviously catastrophized it to be a crazy disease of some sort.
Something odd happened though. When I went to the doctor, the doctor told me it was just stress and anxiety, and instantly it stopped and has not come back!
Is there a term for this? It's odd because it was such an involuntary, unconscious thing, and with 1 sentence it stopped.
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self.Anxiety
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Can't talk my way out of it. Every time I avoid, I rebound back to suicidal thoughts. I don't know what to do, but I'm always running away from suicidal ideations from the time I wake up to the time I force myself to sleep. Falling asleep is impossible, I have to literally try to fall asleep because the pain is so much in my head it keeps me awake. I have a horrible past, and I'm always running away from the memories, and I've tried everything I know to erase the memories, and life is not nice enough to zap them out of my head. I want to die every moment, and I am forced to keep living.
I can't avoid it, I just keep coming back to the same thing against my will. I don't know what to do except jump off a bridge or balcony because I've literally had enough of living. I don't like being me, I don't like what happened to me, and no one could handle it for this long. I've been too patient, and it's time to fucking go. No one has the answers, and I've been seeking for far too long.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What do ya think about being on lamictal, Topamax, and Wellbutrin at the same time? Anyone with the same med combo? Cross post on r/Bipolar [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I can't stop crying I've been crying for the last three days over every half unpleasant thought. My mind wanders onto something unpleasant for a second and then my eyes start to burn and water and I can't stop. I dont know if this is anxiety, hypo or depression I have no idea. It feels like depression because I just want to lay in bed and cry it but I can't sleep without medication so I think it's hypo or anxiety that's causing the crying.
The thought I keep coming back to is, I don't want to be like this. I'm 22 so I think my disorder is going through changes because this has never happened before. I feel like I would be fine if I could just stop crying but as soon as I stop and feel in control, I lose control just as easily. I see my pdoc tomorrow but I don't know what to do with myself right now, today. I just don't know how to get things under control and just feel ok.
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self.bipolar
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My lack of motivation is disturbing. Hey guys, I'm new around these parts. Hope you're all doing well. I've got so much on my mind, I thought this would be the place to vent. Sorry for the long, perhaps uninteresting read.
My motivation has reached an all time low, better yet, it has seemingly completely disappeared. I'm stuck in life feeling useless and worthless and I have nothing to look forward to.
I've been trying to set goals, something to give me some kind of purpose, but I just can't find any motivation. Back in May I quit my advertising job because it didn't make me happy anymore. Started freelancing but it came to the point that I didn't want to do that either. I just loathe the industry. So I'm giving up on that too.
In a few months I'm moving back to my parents cause I don't want to live in this city anymore. Everything is so bleak and I can't seem to find joy in anything. I'm not suicidal but I think a lot about just dying, be done with it. There's nothing inside me that wants to work towards to, I can't really explain it. It's weird though, how could anyone feel this way?
It's frustrating. I can't be fucked to do simple tasks. I want to stay in bed, or lay on the couch and binge netflix all day, and then get angry because I've done absolutely nothing useful with my time.
I need to get out of this state of mind, I just don't know how.
Thanks for listening, bless you.
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self.offmychest
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I wish I could tell people I wanna kill myself and they'd accept it I just had this vision where I tell my family that I'm done with my life I don't wanna live anymore and that on such and such a date I'm gonna end my life. Then instead of them freaking out, and trying to talk me out of it, and going through all the awful shit that comes when you tell people that, they just accepted it.
They could cry and grieve and I could console them and grieve in my own way. Then I could spend the next however many days until my set date spending time with my family and friends and setting shit in order to make my passing easier on them. They could be sad, but I could be there for them for it to help them understand that it's ok.
Maybe knowing the end is in sight gives me the confidence to do a few of the things I'd like to do before I die. Maybe my anxiety abates knowing I don't have another 50 years of hell to go through. I could spend all my time not worrying about my future and money and my health and how the hell I'm gonna stop being a burden on my family and I could just live for my alotted time.
Night before have a nice meal with the people I love tell everyone how much I love them. Next day I off myself, where I have everything easily set up cause I haven't had to hide what in doing, my family won't be surprised to find my body they'll know what's up.
The passing would still hurt, just like when a sick or old loved one you know is going to die finally does, but it would be easier as it wouldn't be a shock and they'd know how I felt. It wouldn't just be a last second note to explain. We could sit down and have a heart to heart talk about it. Get everything out. So then the death wouldn't leave questions unanswered and everyone wondering..
This vision gave me a feeling of peace, and I want it so badly. Life ends. And I get to know my family will be ok afterwards or at least I get to know that I didn't just leave them hanging. (No pun intended, sorry for gallows humour(pun intended))
I just wish that A) this is a decision I was allowed to make, and B) that people would just accept it.
I know it'll never happen. But damn do I wish it could.
I hope this doesn't bother anyone too much. I just felt a need to share this thought with a crowd who would hopefully get it.
|
self.depression
|
Summer makes me feel even worse. A lot of people seem to get worse around winter, for me its the other way around. The sun, the constant barbecuing, watching everyone else enjoying themselves in the sun, its all so tiring.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I’m flowing through life with a huge elephant on my back
|
self.Anxiety
|
Read a news article about heart attacks and thought I was having one an hour later I felt my heart race, light-headed, thought I was able to collapse. Chest was painful (still is now). Rushed out of a meeting room at work to be in the common area in case I actually collapse (better to have people around uh?).
I am slightly better now (went home) but still worried my heart is gonna blow up. This sort of panic hadn't happened in nearly two months, I thought I was out of the panic zone... I was wrong. I also feel my arms are weak and all that - textbook stroke symptoms. Been 2 hours though and I'm still alive.
I will still go to the doc at some point I think otherwise I will be freaking out daily until that damn EKG says I'm fine (had one done 2 months ago, was fine).
Sorry nothing to bring you guys just venting / sharing, feel better doing so.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Meds man. What a thing. I've been on Latuda for about a month and some change now and my life has literally done taken a 180. I can't describe what it's like to feel entirely normal and whole for once. I'm without the need for risky behavior or obseessive new hobbies and it's amazing. Plus my fiance and I are doing so much better. Thanks to everyone here who has helped lead me to where I am today.
|
self.bipolar
|
Went to counselling on Tuesday: It was really different this time round. Have a male counsellor for the first time, I walked past him without realising at first. Been to counselling twice before and they were both women in these early 60’s. He’s young, swears, makes jokes & says everyone experiences depression at some point. I am not too sure about this yet, I hope I’m wrong. 😕
|
self.depression
|
How do you stop your panic attacks? I am a 21 year old college senior. I have started having panic attacks recently and have recently been diagnosed with an unspecified anxiety disorder. Almost every day I end up with pressure, numbness, or pain in my temples along with feeling like it's harder to breathe, like I have congestion in my chest, and like I'm having chest pains. If this goes too far, half of my head with go numb and I will start shaking uncontrollably. Xanax can help knock off some of the symptoms, but it can only do so much. I've tried distracting myself with Xbox, friends, music, reading, stretches, and exercise, but all of them work rather irregularly. Does anyone have any advice?
|
self.Anxiety
|
feeling tingly - a sign of something coming? The past few days I've been feeling funny, like my head is tingling/buzzing in a weird way. So do my hands, insides of my arms, and soles of my feet. Sex drive has also been way up. I can pretty well say I haven't been acting manic, maybe just in a good mood, but I'm wondering if this could foreshadow mania or some sort of episode. It's been a long time since I had a legit episode but I had a weird med-induced "fake manic" episode in september/october where I had some of the same weird sensations...but then, it was med induced, so I chalked it up to that.
Does anyone have any experience with weird tingly sensations? It's a little uncomfortable but also pleasant, just like I can't stop moving or relax very easily. Thoughts a bit speedy too. Feeling very rational though, hence my post to see if I should be concerned. Thanks guys :)
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone who has gone through treatment, what is it like? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My Soul Hurts Sorry in advance, this is probably going to be a long rant. I just need to put the words out there to help process my feelings. I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for 9 years. We have had a few fights, but overall our relationship has been pretty good. We started dating our jr year of highschool. I'm now 25, and I have matured, but my boyfriend has not. When I try to talk to him about the future he just says "whatever happens happens". I started to notice that we don't really do couple things anymore. We might go a whole week barely speaking, kissing hugging, or anything, and when I try to initiate anything, he might give me a kiss or hug, but then he'll turn back to whatever he was doing. I've talked to him about it, so many times I feel like a tape on repeat, and everytime we have a discussion he just stares at me blankly like my feelings are dumb. And he may apologize and we may go on one or two dates, but it always goes back to the same thing. The only time he wants to do anything with me is related to sex, and he barely even asks if I want to. His desire is all that seems to matter. He has gone so far as to tell me what clothes I need to wear, which is always tight clothes, with an obscene amount of cleavage. And if I say no because I'm uncomfortable, or I don't wear what he wants he won't spend time with me. I'm not sure I love him anymore... Well about a year ago we moved in with a mutual friend, and up until recently everything has been great! I love his dog, and he is one of my best and only friends. The problem, is recently have started having feelings for him. Let me get one thing clear, I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I could never hurt him... But now i'm starting to wonder if the reason I don't love my bf anymore is because of these feelings, or because of our problems. I have had problems with our relationship a lot longer than I have been having feelings for our roommate, but these feelings have really brought my resentment to my current bf to light. I have seriously considered breaking up with him, and the idea of it sounds appealing but we've been dating for so long, I'm not sure I know how to live without him. I'm super close to his father and his partner as well, and I almost find myself staying with my bf so I can still stay close to his father. If we break up I'll have to move back home because I can't afford to pay rent by myself, and I would have to leave our roommate in a bad situation. I also don't want to leave living with our roommate but I know that is just selfish thinking, especially because I don't even know if he has feelings for me. On top of all of this my Bfs father was just diagnosed with two types of cancer and I don't want to hurt him even more than he is already hurting. It is just such a shit show and it hurts me more and more everyday because I don't know what to do... Any advice is welcome, just please be kind, I don't think I can handle horrible insults right now. I know i'm a horrible person for feeling this way about someone else well I'm in a relationship but I can't seem to stop...
|
self.offmychest
|
Wish I could escape from Christmas Another disappointing family Christmas party.
My sister and her dirtbag husband arrived late yesterday, had every excuse imaginable not to attend church with us this morning. My mom had to miss services to attend to them. I’m not disappointed that they left early.
My son was supposed to pick up our granddaughter at 9am and arrive here by noon. He was MIA until 12:30 and didn’t arrive until nearly 4, (father of the year was nursing a hangover) at which time he announced that he couldn’t stay long because he had to be at work at 9:00pm. I am disappointed that he left early. I wanted to spend time with our granddaughter other than on FaceTime.
Our family plays that stupid gift swap game. I thought I had a great gift this year. I guess I was wrong. Except for our grandchildren, I must have chosen poorly for everyone.
I was even disappointed by our candlelight service at church this year.
I almost forgot that this was only Christmas Eve. I have another entire day of this phony cheer to endure!
I say this every year, but I’m skipping all this crap next year. And so I don’t forget I’m going to copy this post and have Siri show it to me on Black Friday 2018 as a reminder.
|
self.depression
|
I get depressed so much to see people in relationships while you've never had one. I just want a gf badly but no one thinks I'm datable or even human [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Experiences with Antipsychotica (Quetiapin / Seroquel) Hi, I was prescribed this med for restless/spiralling thoughts at night.
How did you feel when taking it? What were your thoughts when you took it? Did you have issues when taking it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Pride keeps me from getting help Asking for help is declaring you're broken. Sure--be quick to say "no it doesn't!" But yes it does.
Why bother to go on being broken? That's reason enough to be done.
There's no "fixing" it. It'll always be that mug with the cracks in the handle. The sign misspelled. The board cut too short.
It's not even sadness...it's emptiness. It's being to tired but expected to be full.
My life isn't even bad. It's decent. But it's missing pieces. Enough not to see the picture, the reason why.
Wouldn't go back and don't really want to go forward. Now isn't perfect but it soon be the past as I really want t to say fuck the future.
Eventually I'll have enough reason to not leave my bad...I'm so tired. Just so so tired.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm done I'm just done. I'm trying not too eat,drink or sleep. Until it hits next year. Then try to drink bleach lil by lil everyday. I wonder if I die by then.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to die, but I don't want to hurt my mother [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
school is starting tomorrow and I'm scared I have no one to talk to no real friends no one likes me and I have social anxiety.
|
self.depression
|
I hate my life I just wanna die... like I have no energy or enthusiasm left in me...... I lost everyone, girlfriend dumped me... all I have is my friends from school... I need someone to hear me out and I don’t have anyone I can trust irl so idk what to do...... I need help
Edit: girlfriend didn’t dump me, I just thought she did but we’re good now and happy with each other as we always were :)
|
self.depression
|
How do you know if your feelings are real or not? I feel like this is a weird question, but how do you distinguish from having a normal emotional range, and having just a surface level experience of day-to-day life?
What is the difference between being okay, having moved (or begun to move) out of what may have been just a depressed phase, and just distracting yourself from it all by going through the motions?
 
**Edit (to try to clarify what I'm trying to say):** I think I'm just wondering how you can tell you're experiencing life like a normal person; how does one know they're depressed?
I think my existence is mostly "keeping up appearances," which means doing *at least* the bare minimum of a functioning person (I get out of bed, I eat, I keep my space clean) and being an okay person to be around (I interact with the dogs, I'll listen to family talk about their day). But there is nothing beyond this in my life. Is it real when I smile at something cute the dogs did or I laugh at something in conversation?....I don't know if I'm saying anything clearer :/
|
self.depression
|
Toughed out 2 major panic attacks at the dentist today... [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just need somone to talk to. I really can't do it anymore. I'm sitting here crying in my room on my own. I'm a complete failure. It feels like I'm trying to walk upstream in a river. I'm 17 addicted to drugs. Owe money for drugs, failing school. Everyone thinks I'm a complete loser and takes advantage of me. I know there's people who love me and I love them back. The everyday pain is just way too much for me. I'm already on antidepressants, they work up to a point. But all they are is a mask. I feel like a complete idiot the amount of times I've planned on just ending all my pain and haven't gone through with it.
If anyone took the time to read this I am very grateful. I just can't do it anymore.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I made a post here about a week ago... The post told my story to the fullest.
TL;DR: I was molested as a child and told basically no one. Decided to tell my mom on Friday.
When I told my mom, she told me she would have to back both me and my sister. This felt like an ultimate betrayal, to be completely honest and I’m ready for it to be over. I’m done fighting it. I’m telling everyone in my life goodbye this week and ending it as soon as possible.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Please help. This is a throwaway.
I am not bipolar, but my wife is.
She is currently 34 weeks pregnant, and she is (bipolar).
Doc took her off meds when we found out about the pregnancy, and it's been a bumpy ride so far, but considering... it has been relatively okay.
I'm an expat, living in a foreign country, her country, and she is surrounded by family who she is not that close to and well... I have to leave in 30 days. I will be gone for a minimum of a year, and no, this is not my choice, it's against my will and it's out of my hands. It's also not something we could have prepared for.
I'm not even sure that I will be here for the birth of my son. It's tearing me apart, but we're not here to talk about that.
I don't feel safe leaving my wife alone with our son. We didn't sleep at all last night. I don't even know how to go about writing this.
She wants to die, even with him still inside of her.
That intrusive thought creeps in, she blames herself for thinking about it, and, well..
I get angry. I get sooooo ANGRY.
We've been fighting this together for a few years now, and I've always tried to be as supportive as possible, but I just can't look at her the same way when she says that she wants to die when our child is inside her.
Is anyone just willing to talk to me or give some advice?
I have no idea how to help her with this and I'm so scared for my son.
|
self.bipolar
|
Just tried hanging myself. Did not work! I'm behind in school real fuckin bad among other various issues, and man if I didn't just try to fuckin hang myself. Once I started passing out I thrashed and thrashed until it was off my neck and now I'm just real fuckin glum. I don't think I'm gonna attempt again, or atleast I'm saying that right now. As I was fading out looking around I had some odd moment of mental clarity, thought about family, my girlfriend, various musical endeavors and I just stopped. This shit feels hopeless man, basically I'm enrolled in online school trying to transfer into a performance arts school and it's going relatively swimmingly. I'm behind in a lot of academic areas and I'm just hoping/wishing I don't have to attend summer school to make up for this second semester. Meanwhile I'm watching all my other friends, girlfriend included, take all these crazy AP classes, calculus, physics, yet I feel I barely know my ass from a hole in the ground. I want to go to a good college, be a good ole normal boy but fuck man the closer I get the more unprepared I feel. ACT SAT is a gonna be a goddamn train wreck once I figure out how to deal with it. Financially my family is in dire straights so tutors are rough to come by. Luckily I have a few really supportive friends, so they'll help me but man I'm just feelin hopeless, I needed a place to get this out. Sorry if this is incoherent to any degree, my mind is rather scattered right now, mostly because I just tried to kill myself, also because I'm fuckin depressed. I just need someone to talk to or help calm me man I don't know.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
When every day becomes a a nasty battle with depression, is it worth living anymore? I keep posting on this sub, hoping that by externalizing what I feel will somehow make it easier, I will feel less insane..
But every day it's getting harder and harder, and suicide keeps looking like good, safe option to check out, be free from all the pain.
I go to school, I have a good enough job, amazing parents, some friends.. my life doesn't really suck, it doesn't, but my brain is killing me. I keep thinking of the day my parents will die one day, and the pain of that reality makes me want to die instantly, and I can't help but think about it.
The psychiatrist I went to put me on some meds, and told me to give it at least 2 weeks in order to tell if they're helping me or not, it's been a week, I wannna wait one more, and then fuck it, at least I'll have a good enough reason - medication didn't work, it's hopeless.
Fuck
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
The only relationship I’ve ever had just ended after 7 months. I don’t know what to do anymore. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Gonna do it soon I don't even know wh I'm posting this. Attention, probably
Anyway, I already ordered some highly toxic seeds on ebay (colchicum autumnale, aka meadow saffron) that should arrive in 5 or 6 days. Soon this will all be over. I'll make a final post once I recieve and consume them.
Until then, do what thou wilt
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Alone during holiday bipolar squad check-in! Hey all, hope you have some wonderful days during the holidays!
|
self.bipolar
|
How do people with social anxiety cope at uni? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Do I tell my girlfriend I am going to kill myself tomorrow night (today is my mothers birthday and I want to be considerate and wait a day) and I currently have a girldfriend who knows how sad and miserable I feel. Should I:
1) have the decency to tell her and breakup with her then kill my self
2) just kill myself and let her figure it out
I'm very stressed out by this because I really don't want to make her miserable as well but my choice has been made. What do I do?
Additional details: she basically lives with me at this point and I haven't told anyone else because I really don't want people to interrupt my plan.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Intrusive thoughts have successfully convinced me that i am a fucking psychopath [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Money's running out, haven't worked in over a year - please help Last job I worked, I ended up quitting. Didn't know the exact reason, I just knew the stress was mounting on me. After months of therapy and after finally getting on pills, it's become apparent that I couldn't stand people. I didn't like being forced to work with them and still don't. I know I'm an idiot who has no idea what I'm doing, it's even worse when I have to be constantly reminded every time I'm forced to deal with people.
Before the job I quit, I was fired from another kind of job. That time, I was wanting to stick it out. All I wanted to do was get things down and start making my mark in the working world. After only a couple of weeks, I was fired for being too slow. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.
After some unsuccessful attempts to get employed recently, I'm really near the end of my rope. I just don't know what I can do. The tags expire on my car today, not to mention that I have other regular bills to pay. What is a slow person who isn't good or comfortable around people capable of doing?
|
self.depression
|
I need help, was almost raped, fear of PTSD [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
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