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I took plan b a couple days ago and now I’m depressed Not sure if it’s cause I’m still healing from my miscarriage 4 months ago or if it’s from the hormones in the pill or a combination of both. Whatever.
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self.offmychest
|
Me Just Trying to be a good person I'm only 13. Last year I met this dude on a video game. A week later after getting to know him he tried to OD. Before that he put something in a discord chat that he was going to kill himself. I helped him through it. Almost 1 year 2 months later (today) Another friend of mine decided to do the same. I still don't know if he is ok. (will keep updated). After a game of league of legends he got really mad in voice chat. HE was also dealing with this other dude saying he was going to kill himself if the first guy didn't fully forgive him (because he fucked up really bad saying he was going to do someone thing to first guy's friend). So that mixed with this is really getting me fucked up man. Oh yeah i forgot to mention even before of all of this this other dude was popping pills. That was all today. Someone please help me. All of my online friends have serious depression.
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self.SuicideWatch
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If God doesn't help me by the end of the year i will end it. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Caffeine and depression? I'm diagnosed with depression, and I was wondering if anyone else has some advice about coffee intake. The symptoms I suffer include lack of energy (I won't leave bed for one week of of the month usually, and am tired all the time), severe anhedonia (no emotions/pleasure) and anxiety (likely because of all the class I miss).
I have found that coffee significantly reduces all these symptoms--even the anxiety. Four shots of espresso have me functioning, at least outwardly, like a normal person--I can even have a small set of emotional responses. If I then go off coffee cold-turkey, I have no symptoms of withdrawal--but after a week to two weeks, I'll have an episode of catatonic behavior. On my regular monthly bad weeks, I'll have had my normal amounts of coffee but then one day I cannot get out of bed to pee, let alone get coffee for myself. So I don't have coffee during those weeks either, but that's caused by the onset of the episode rather than the other way around.
I was recently prescribed Wellbutrin, since the psychiatrist said he thinks what I need is a stimulant. I described all this to him and he was very surprised by everything, including the delayed onset of an episode after I quit coffee cold-turkey. I was wondering, for y'all with depression, what does your relationship with caffeine look like, if you have one? Does anyone have similar experiences to mine, or if they're different then how?
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else think it is disrespectful to your dead parent for someone to tell you to kill yourself over their death? There is this guy who I broke it off with last night who keeps harassing me and wishing death on me. He said that I should just go ahead and kill myself over my mother's death because losing her made me not want to live anymore. How do I explain to him that telling me that is disrespectful to my dead mother because he doesn't think it is disrespectful to her.
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self.offmychest
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a few months ago my ex-girlfriend dumped me for another man, i'm still not over it and it makes me feel like a failure [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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why do i feel so incredibly over-sensitive? sometimes everything feels so dull. and i think, "it's okay, i'm okay, i'm not happy but i'm not sad either" and then someone may glare and me and suddenly i'm tearing up and breaking down. or somebody around me makes a small mistake, i immediately get angry and i can't help myself; all i want to do is hurt that person. sometimes, it even gets to a point where i'm thinking to myself that if i just kill them, i won't have to deal with their stupidity anymore. or if i just kill myself, i won't have to deal with mine, either
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self.depression
|
I can't decide staying in an abusive relationship, killing myself, or taking the effort to get out. A) I can live my life how it is now. I'm consistently miserable in my relationship. My husband is jealous and protective to the point where I cannot have any male friends. And he has straight-up said he wouldn't trust me around women if I ever was bi. Which sucks because I am bi, but 100% in the closet about it, even to the person who I'm supposed to be closest to. He's an angry man who takes it out on the people and things around him. He destroys our belongings and says things that sting for months. He's not been physical with me yet, but every day I worry we're getting closer to that point. And we have a son together. If he ever laid a hand on my son I worry I might actually kill him or something.
B) I can leave him. He'll paint me as the bad guy to all of our friends and family. He's a master manipulator. I don't doubt he'll succeed at destroying my reputation to anyone who'll listen. I won't have many allies. I don't have faith in my ability to support my son and I. I can get a job or two, and I have my mom who will help me out in going to school, but will I really be able to make it as a single mother? It will be so goddamn lonely. The few times I left him "for good" were horrific. The longest I've been away before I couldn't stand to be alone anymore was a week. How will I go longer? My support system isn't that big and I don't have the tools to grow that system. And even so, my husband won't go down without a fight. He wont stop fighting for me forever and that is terrifying. He will torment me until the end.
C) I could kill myself or run away. But I love my son so fucking much. Dear god I love this kid. I can't leave him alone in a world with his father. If I ran away I'd want to take him with, but I'm pretty sure that's kidnapping and I don't want to jeopardize my life with my son. I will not lose him. I will die before I lose him.
I hate every option. Option A is the easiest in terms of actually DOING anything. Option C is the easiest in terms of repercussions. Option B is the best long-term option but I don't have the energy to actually put forth in order to accomplish that.
Idk, I guess that's it. I just wanted to vent a little. I'm going to monitor this post from my main account but I won't reply to any comments. Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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Kill me so I don't have to Am I the only one who thinks about killing themselves 24:7 but doesn't have any energy to do it ? Maybe I'm just pathetic
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self.depression
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Oceans I feel like I'm drowning.
But I don't
want
to let go...
help.
My voice echoes until
I can no longer hear it
return to me
please don't leave.
Agonizing loneliness
eats me up
piece
by
piece...
Pieces. I'm in pieces.
Scattered to the twisted
fate of the w i n d
I can't help myself,
even when I draw them back together,
Im torn as if by undercurrents,
dragging
me
back
down.
help.
I can't
move...
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self.depression
|
I finally feel ready. Being suicidal is not new to me, I’ve been suicidal since my early teen years; I’ve made plans, I’ve set dates. But today, now, I finally feel ready. I finally feel capable.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bye Hiro I've grown up with my cousin, Hiro, since I was four years old. We were inseparable. Time goes on, both grow up, but each time we saw each other, it was as though time had not passed.
Our cousin Kendra died a little bit ago. Got hit by a service truck. Died on the spot. Before and since then, Hiro's cocaine addiction had become worse. He became an addict. Couldn't shake it. He loved this girl named Karen. He tried to reach out to her, but she freaked out and ended up reaching out to me to talk to him.
Him and I are brothers. Or were. Got a call from him on Saturday telling me that he loves me and hyde and that he doesn't expect to make it the end of the year. I hold it in. I did not want to believe him. We speak a few more times and he seemed on the up and up. Stuck in the hospital waiting to die. However, I thought because he was stuck in the hospital that maybe he'd come around. That he'd put up a fight. Nope.
Just found out a couple minutes ago that he gave up. Declared dead at 5am GMT. I knew it was coming. Just really wanted to hope that it wouldn't happen. That he would come around. Or maybe that he would hold on for a bit longer. Just anything. Just something. Just not this. Just not that phone call.
I'm trying to breathe it out. My girlfriend just called and I can't talk. I love and loved my cousin. Geezus fucking christ on a tramp stamp... LOL... fuck
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self.offmychest
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I don't want to lose the two people I love the most [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Need Help!! Im on verge to get insane. I don’t understand this situation. There are tons of thoughts in mind. Revolving around my mind. Pain, agony, sadness, depression, suicide, loneliness, disappointment. Hence I’m writing down all my issues.
I have been struggling thought heart break and this isn’t an ordinary heartbreak. It simply shattered my mind completely. I use to save our meets and places we visited along with the number of steps taken and km travelled on foot!! Count was 518 places together visited, over 619000 km travelled together! Now the counter doesn’t move. It was a 10 years relationship. I could partially overcome, because the reason for heartbreak wasn’t said while the closure and many other reasons which I will mention here! It made me insane, thousands of memories and words shared/said to each other. How could a relation go that badly in the end which was so beautiful! While leaving relationship, she said relation was shit!! Since ten years she was staying in shit and she realised on 10th year!
My parents feels I am avoiding marriage. In fact, I am refusing to see girls for marriage with this state of mind. My mind is afraid of the relationship and on the other side my loneliness is aggravating my mental instability. I need someone to love and care. Someone who understands me and my family.
My mind keeps on searching for possible reason for heartbreak!
That last rose bouquet wasn’t good enough, which refused to take!
Selfie taken right before the breakup was blurry.
I refuse to make payment of the bills in order to teach her!
My muscles were not built enough
My house was too small
We belong to salon community
My height was small
I bought her 4k watch when she wanted 7k watch, I had low on budget
I wasn’t successful enough
I was vegetarian
I didn’t know to dance
I wrongly booked tickets for date 6, but we were supposed to go on 7th!!
I refused to take coke with masala cheese grill cz she had cold
I wasn’t well that day, had severe headache and I said please talk in hindi while she was talking in Bengali
She asked for ps3 but I didn’t gave cause I wanted her to focus on studies
She didn’t liked my mom
She hated my father
Iphone 5s spat with Bhabhi
Top which my mother brought from usa was good enough
I had hunch back
She wanted to do job and I wanted to do business
She was bored of me
…
This list will go on and on! This is list is made on events 1 year prior to breakup, ie 14/01/2017. I’m getting insane with pursuit of reason for her doing breakup.
She use to return home by 10:20pm. Around 10:15 pm, the metro train in which she use to travel home, use to pass right in front of my house. I always use to talk to her. That sound of metro passing and she waving hands from the last compartment door… I still feel the same with the sound of metro, I see the illusion of her waving hand, even today. Staying home hurts for one of this reason.
My brain has been affected and I am always lost in this world. I started doing job so that I forget and come out of this lost world. Job gave temporary fix but mind was still disturbed whenever I thought on getting into another relationship. Again that reason flow in my mind and searching for reason. For the sole purpose for searching reason is that I don’t want things to repeat. I asked my employer to relieve me because I could no longer could focus on work and it was creating unnecessary problems at work.
I keep getting her in my dreams and dreams are so real that after getting up I check my phone to confirm the dream. Ended up disappointed. Dreams are like she is back and asking to stop seeing other girls. We discuss every running matter and she even says I want to come back but something is stopping me! This dreams are reason for my sleepless nights. Whenever I wake up, I am tired and disturbed…making my mind unstable.
Strangest thing is my friends, we have major friends as mutual friends and after breakup only 5 few people know the true story. She started posting photos on facebook with another guy (of course she had unfriend me on facebook), this fact I came to know from a friends who was avoiding me. Not just he, most of the mutual friend who saw me on the streets, changed their path or hide their face. Once, while heading home to office. I caught a friend hiding face, I asked reason for his action. He avoided saying I have work but I insisted. First he said “subh subh manhoos shakal dekhli.” But I wanted to know the reason behind such reaction and had tears in my eyes. He said asked me about why relation went wrong and then he said “I came to know about breakup after Anjana started posting photos with other guy. She also posted a photo with caption “on right track now” which interprets as she was on wrong track with you.” Then he said “seems like you took her to wrong path”. I can’t go and explain all them cause and show the pain or hell I went through! Who is victim and who is wrong doer, is between god and her. But yes, I lost many friends. I became more lonely, isolated and depressed.
I saw doctor and communicated the facts. Doctor said that there might be something of her still with you hence this is getting over you.
What I had of her??
Photos & Videos
I had her and our 24500 photos and 1740 videos on my google photos. All this files along with my import files. I took me hours and tears to delete it. It was so difficult to even have a single gaze and I had no option of selecting all photo and deleting it cause important photos are there too. If break up was truth then what those photos/videos were?
Then emails,
Over 11000 emails, which majorly pre WhatsApp era and budding relationship phase. I couldn’t see it, had to settle with select all and delete!! Whatsapp chat txt and media backup got wiped too of my important clients.
Then came the cloud storages,
It’s a curse to be a tech savvy who has heartbreak. I had stored memories on Gdrive, dropbox, flickr, photobucket and the major chat and sms files on onedrive!! This task was extremely difficult because it had important documents stored along with her memories!! Reason of storing along with other files is that I wanted to make it difficult for the people to find it, even if they accidently open those cloud storages. But I never that I will have to face that day. Deleting it was like separating grains from chaff. Took days for it.
The Path app!!
This could almost kill me! Every details of places we went and things we did was discussed here! Deleting it was so painful that I cried almost 2 days before I could gather courage to delete! I took one last look at the path posts and I was devastated. It hurts, not because what she became or what she did to me but seeing those post made me remind what she was, this reality hurts and its painful. With tears in eyes, deleted the path account forever along with those memories.
Facebook’s “on this day” and google photo’s “past memory reminder”
Both features gave recollection of memories which literally made things worst. Disabled the feature on both apps, making app lonelier!
The pain of google photos!
All the deleted photos were present on google drive, all means each and every photos! Lying in trash bin section. Over 30000 photos/videos. Moreover, this thing didn’t get deleted, it reappeared again and again even after getting deleted. Then the googled the similar issue on the internet and finally got rid of that. However, google photos nightmare didn’t end here. The google assistance sorts memories and creates videos and collage! This is artificial intelligence aspect of google photos. The unsaved memories were not deleted when I didn’t choose to save it at that moment!! It was lying in my unsaved library!! And it needs to be deleted on by one!! Which became pain in my neck! I zoomed out to 25% so that I can’t see those memories and deleted it one by one, 6073 was the count of memories!
The white bag of gifts and physical memories;
This is the biggest momentum left with me, it might kill me! Task undone, as on 04th January, 2018.
I am regularly having suicidal thoughts and the survival instinct and effect on family is blocking my thoughts. But thing is, I am tired of acting normal. In real, I am shattered.
I need help!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I'm lazy I feel like I'm lazy because I have no will, desire, or energy to work. Sometimes I don't even want to walk.. and I'm tired pretty much always. It's a work out to even brush my hair. I'm physically fit, young, and given special treatment because I'm society's fit of attractive. I can't keep a job because I simply can't force my brain to do the work or I have to miss because I'm sick.. which really is just anxiety I'm sure. No one understands that I care about how lazy I seem and that it's just that I'm so tired and every thing sounds awful other than just sitting some days. I feel like I'm crazy. It just makes everything worse too. More financial problems. More people who don't understand. Substance abuse to numb. How do you guys get energy? I've started Zoloft and it's changed my life, really improving my ability to deal and not feel hopeless, but my motivation is still completely zero and I can't make myself do or care about anything. Is it just immaturity or is something in my head doing this?
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self.depression
|
Being at work makes me depressed. I love my coworkers, and I love almost all the customers. But physical being here makes me sad. I don’t know is that just means I’m lazy. Everyone says I should be happy i work alot, but I don’t care about the money. I don’t know why i get so sad when I work a lot...
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self.depression
|
can't do this anymore new to reddit. i'm ky.
i've been feeling so horrible lately, and i just don't know what to do.
i am a teenager & so tired of the "angsty, moody teen" shit where people say it's "just a phase".
this past year i have been hospitalized 4 times for suicide and self-harm. i had a really hard time. now everyone expects me to be better. i'm not feeling better, i'm just better at hiding it. i also struggle with an eating disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. i wish i could go back in time and prevent my trauma.
such a stupid kid...
i don't have any friends. i don't talk to my family at all. i'm not good at anything. what's the point?
and i know people say like oh that's just black-and-white thinking, you do have friends, you are good at stuff, etc.
no!!! listen!!! this is real and i am hurting.
i don't know. i don't know what i meant to write here.
i am running out of time.
the only thing keeping me alive right now is my pet snake.
i am so close to just ending it already.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm planning on starting medication and that scares me [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Why does it feel so impossible to let you go? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
The world will become a better place if I just fucking killing myself xDD [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I feel like I'm one negative thought away from a complete meltdown Please forgive me, I'm not sure if this is a result of anxiety. I looked up "shaking after negative thoughts" on google and it directed me to an anxiety attack, so I hope this is the right place, I just need to talk this out.
So lately, my anxiety has been eating away at me. My sleep schedule is messed up, but when I do sleep around 11 hours, I still feel insanely tired. My heart has been having palpitations on and off since the second week in December and now I'm starting to tremble at every negative thought. My back is completely stiff and won't relax.
I don't know how else to force my mother to get someone else to look after the kids on fridays. This has been going on since early last year and I honestly can't take it anymore. On the rare occasion, she will either get one or both somewhere else, have someone else here or she will be here herself.
I can't take care of them. Nicely put, they're most definitely not well behaved and she knows this. I don't like yelling at people or being the authority in any social situation, I only do it when I have to. With these kids, they need constant refereeing and now my anxiety has gone through the roof. I can't not shake without a single negative though, loud noise ect.
Just to clarify, she is home now, but I don't know what else to say to convince her to do what I need her to do. When it comes to mental illness, she's not the most understanding type and trust me, if I had the money to move out (I still pay rent here, just can't pay rent literally anywhere else) I totally would.
I don't know what else I can do other than go back on my meds and hope like hell they worked like they used to.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Reddit, whats with this girl? This conflict is not too long ago. So basically I had a friend who is probably the only person that confused the hell out of me. Like seriously, I cant get her.
So this started when we got close to each other. We started to hang out more often and as friends, we like to make fun of each other. Banter, throwing jokes randomly and we laughed it a lot. We tell stories to each other. Movies, games, tv series even the things we dont like. I thought she was great friend. (Well she still is, but not the one you fully knew and understand.) But one day, somethings change.
I sincerely dont know what the fuck just happened but it started when she asks me to be her consultant in her research report as a term paper. (I may not look like it, but many acknowledged that I am the smartest guy in the room. I'm flattered but it is not entirely true.) So she asked for my personal insights. I declined at first because I'm uncertain if I have the best evaluation but she insisted because I'm good with these sorts of things. (Essays, reports, literary compositions, poems. It's sorta my talent. Not that big. But certainly useful.) Then I agreed and tried my freaking best to be honest with her which she instructed.
When I'm done, I made my personal comments. And I said that her research paper is okay. But in terms of getting it published for our upcoming convention is highly unlikely because her research is mediocore at best. The discussions and her ideas were not that bad. But it certainly was not appealing and overall not interesting. I was still looking at the paper trying to make more comments when she suddenly asked to return the paper to her and told her friend that they have to go. Only to fucking realised when her friend returned (because she left something) , told us that she was running with tears. Some of my classmates are inside of that room I'm staying but they didnt seem to bother, minding their own laptops and smartphones I am the only person who fucking knew what her friend meant. She cried because me.
I'm still trying to process what happened. Hours later, me and my buddy go out for some drinks. She and my buddy are quite friends too and he was also worried about what happened to her. He texted her for comfort and asked for the whole story. She was hard to break but she finally admitted to my friend through their text conversation that it is because of me. And she wants distance on me. I admitted that I knew and apologize to my buddy and he said it was okay. Atleast I was admitting my mistake he said. He also told me that hes not the one who I should apologize for but it should be her.
Now that it was so clear that I am the one at fault, I reevaluate myself. How come that I was such an asshat? Why being a prick? And why I hurt her? I certainly didnt meant to. I just did what I was told of. And yet, I fucked up. It came to the point that I decided that I'm shit and I deserved to be treated one. I respected her decision and I will not try to talk to her on the next day.
Then... all of a sudden she called my name! She looked at me in the face and I cant look into her eyes. What the fuck is happening? She should be mad at me for what I did. She cried because of me for God sake and her she was. I looked away and told our mutual friend that I need to go somewhere. (Which is an excuse btw). I told him in secret that I will message him about it which he agreed because he knew whats up.
Later on that day, I told my buddy that I cannot comprehend on the events that just happened. He said that the best way to knew is to talk to her and apologize for what I did. He also told me about their conversation when I'm not around. She asked why I suddenly act strange and she noticed that I was avoiding her. My friend told her that I probably knew (we sort of keep it secret about me knowing their conversation before that day) and I am probably doing her a favor for not being a nuisance.
And the next words she said to our mutual friend really blew my fucking mind. She missed me! Yes! She said that its kind of a bummer that we are not hanging out and she missed my jokes! When my buddy said this to me all I could say is holy shit. Because I certainly dont fucking knew what to think anymore. I suddenly felt a rush of motivation to talk to her. And I did. I told her my sincerest apologies and she said that it was never my fault in the beginning, she said that because of stress, she had a nervous breakdown.
On the next day, we hanged out and I still wont forgot about what I did. I was so sure that it is because of me but she said it wasnt my fault and never was. I wanted to believe her but on that same day, before I arrived at the university they hanged out with our mutual friend and told him everything. Like literally every single detail from her going out and cried at the halls to me making a long ass apology letter. And this is the fucking part that is confusing, she told him that when I was commenting her work, she feels like I was insulting her.
Why she lied to me? Why she couldn't say that it was my fault when I was the one admitting it? Why hide it? I asked our mutual friend why she wont share it to me so I could understand what she was feeling in that situation and he asked me what do I think is the reason why she wont? Reddit I need your help. I want to understand her. But she wont tell me! I'm confused and I wanted to tell her that I'm angry that she lied. I cant tell her now that our friendship is starting to heal but I'm confused why she did. And I'm disappointed to myself. I think she felt I'm not trustworthy enough to be told. Maybe she thinks that I'm not really a good friend. I'm extremely stressed right now goddamnit.
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self.offmychest
|
I don’t know how to talk to normal people [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I had it all. I lost it all. It's over? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Daydreams making me sad, and I'm not sure how to fix it. Hey everybody. I'm not even sure exactly what I need to say, I'm just feeling really, really shitty lately and needed to blab somewhere I guess. I feel like I'm a coward, and like I should be doing these amazing things with my life, and I am just letting myself stay stuck. I'm in a long term relationship with someone I do care about, but I also am very independent and a big part of me just wants to run away from everything, and those two things are just really tearing at me right now.
I don't know if this sounds dumb, but does anyone else find their daydreaming makes them really sad? I have super strong daydreams that I wish could be realities, or at least aspects of it, but I don't think that world exists. I'm feeling really shitty lately when I read about other times and places that sound like a time/place that would have fit me, where I would have made some sort of sense. I just feel really crazy lonely and like I don't fit, and feel too scared to do anything about it. (Also not having any money to just up and go somewhere and figure it out definitely contributes to the problem)
This is also super embarrassing and I feel dumb, because it feels kind of juvenile, but I find that I get like, really badly obsessive about certain things and people, ie. crushes on celebrities that I know I obviously couldn't be with (especially if the version of them I'm obsessing about is from the 1970s....ahem) and it's really, really bothering me lately. I think it just ties back into my daydreamy/fantasy life not feeling attainable. I have this idea of how I want my life to be, but no idea how to get it or if it exists, or if I could even manage to achieve it.
I also really, really wish I could move somewhere else. I follow the I Want Out subreddit, and it all just seems to daunting, borderline impossible. I know that living in a different country wouldn't fix all my problems, and that there would be different problems there, but I guess that ties back into my dreams and feeling really stuck, not being able to work to attain them.
I'm sorry if this makes zero sense. I'm just feeling particularly shitty lately and needed to get some word vomit out.
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self.depression
|
Did I experience psychosis? My bipolar isn't that severe and most of my episodes have been only a little hypo. But I remember one experience that happened 1 year ago that really stood out. I think I've always been pretty good at recognizing if I'm manic or not, and during this one time I know I was manic.
I was working a summer job in my high school at the time delivering supplies to empty offices to prepare them for the school year. The school was huge and very few people where there at the time (mostly a few janitors and admins). I know I was the only person in the particular part of the building I was in at the time. I eventually reached the office I was looking for and entered. I was daydreaming at the time and all of a sudden it seemed like my day dream came to a sudden stop when I entered the room.
I heard a voice coming from the corner of the room. The voice was not speaking English, it was deep, and was speaking almost like a robot, without taking any pauses. The strangest part to me was the information my mind came up within a second to explain what I was experiencing. "That's just an older Turkish man calling home to his wife to ask her if she needs anything from the grocery store." Again, I didn't see any visual hallucination, i just heard a voice. In what felt like an instant, I lost all control of my body and mind. I felt like I was watching a movie from my point of view, but I had no control over any of it.
I faced the corner of the room and started speaking to the voice (more like yelling). I don't remember everything I spoke about to the voice but I remember that I asked the voice to help me stock supplies (as a pushover introvert, I would never normally do this). Then about 15 seconds later I felt like I regained my senses and started freaking out. I was sure my mind is playing tricks on me so I dumped the supplies and ran away to find my coworker.
This whole experience only lasted for about a minute but the strange way I felt and was acting really made me feel uneasy for a while. Is it possible to have extremely short spurts of hallucinations like this? I have had other experiences just like this (about 5 times over the span of 2 years). They were all very short and I was manic during all of them, and during all of them I felt some form of that "robotic" feeling come over me.
Anyone else experience anything like this?
|
self.bipolar
|
Life doesn't stop throwing shit at you to do Damn. I have to wake up before 12. Gotta clean that bathroom. Don't forget to call the hospital about getting on that payment plan for the bill. Jobs. Gotta look for jobs. Bummer. I'd rather play fallout. Oh well, the electricity went out. Back to looking for jobs. Shit, I have to get up and make food. Oh and there's that bill I have to pay. Fuck all this man. It's just one responsibility after the next, and if you don't do shit, either someone else does or it doesn't get done. Then it goes to the pile of shit you have to take care of because none of it is going away, and life will naturally punish you for it. There will be consequences and the hole will be deeper. Better start digging yourself out now!
But why? Why anything? What's the point?
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self.depression
|
I don't know what to do my depression has been getting worse and worse over the last few days and Ive come to the realization that even if I did find a woman interested in me, I don't have the time or energy for a relationship. actually I don't have the time or energy to do anything because I only have about 4 hours a day to myself to do what I want. I work 8 hours, sleep 8 hours, it takes me 2 hours to get ready for work, and an hour drive each direction. but my only choices are either keep working for decades like this, wishing every morning when I wake up that someone had broken in during the night and killed me. I could quit my job and become homeless which is just as unappealing. Or I could end it now. it's not even like I have a lot of money from not having time to spend it. I'm just barely getting by, all of my money goes towards groceries, gas, and bills. going back to the girlfriend thing, I can't even meet a girlfriend at work because the only women I work with are old and even if younger chicks worked there I still couldn't because I'm nowhere near as good looking as the pretty boys where I work. life sucks, work sucks, everything sucks, nothing is even fun anymore, what's the point to any of this, I hate myself and that makes me hate everything else. I don't want to be alive anymore. like metric said "what it is and where it stops nobody knows, you gave me a life I never chose, I wanna leave but the world won't let me go."
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self.depression
|
Correlation btw money and mental health! We need to know it will never be better I think the relationship btw money and ur mental health is just direct! If i have so much money i guess i wouldn't be so damn miserable!
I guess peope are right, if u ain't making money u ain't living!
I am just so jealous of rich people that how much they can do and enjoy their life with.
Let's just all admit that happiness is really purely depend on how much freaking money you have, we need to stop telling people or ourselves that money isn't everything, this kind of denial mentality is so toxic!
The more and sooner we realize it's the fact the sooner we will be able to end our lives. Don't u agree with me?
It will never be better, it's just not! It's been so many years, things won't get better, period! We need to face it! I just don't have the balls to end it right now but it is the only way to get out- DEATH.
I hope we all eventually have the guts to do it, new year's wish-I just hope I can die this year, let me outttt! I can't stand not one second! I need to die soon! I need to jump to the rail or something!
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self.depression
|
On top of everything, I'm being bullied at work...by girls. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Surrounded by enemies Not a single ally to be spoken of. These people are pure poison to me - every last one of them. I'd built up what I thought was a decent immunity... but it's all gone now and I'm dying.
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self.depression
|
Why Demographics When I Search For Freedom? I don’t quite know where to begin because it seems as though the entire process is beginning all over again and nature takes the reign. Being the orphan archetype means that you have to choose one side of the parent alleles and stick to a tribe in the workplace of capitalist warfare. Not that it cannot be a peaceful process but then why is love always a contradiction to the whole rule? Why must women have to open up to such a degree just to determine if the man is the right man for her or not? Do we complete each other? Do you never stop smiling when you’re with me because you are like the male version of a girlfriend to me? Let’s talk about human sexuality and why equal unions are important and crucial to the right kind of long-lasting and possibly even eternal marriage. What more does man make for himself when he succumbs to a woman who cannot complete him or one who he cannot complete? If completion is key in the eternal longevity of a duo in the tango for health and sufficient child-rearing, where does this leave effervescent laughter and exactly the former when quite the opposite happens in a world filled with mandatory demographic depictions and self-registry?
I am not a wall. I am a certain level of depth. And this is getting no shallower.
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self.offmychest
|
girl trouble i'm madly into this girl, she seemed to be too, we got on super well right away, the whole 9 yards
lately she's been distant, (no shit it's long distance), we're both gamers but it's hard for us to play together because she's aussie and im british. i confronted her because she was blowing me off a few times and just didn't seem to want to spend time with me at all. she admitted she didn't find me fun anymore, and that she preferred hanging out with friends. i know she wasn't being malicious, but its hard to make interesting conversation when all we can do is talk, and we both have pretty uneventful/boring lives.
it killed me. i understand why as when she did chat to me i was sad because it was usually a while since we chatted, and she'd tell me about how much fun she had doing x and y with her friends and i felt so insignificant.
i want to try and so does she, but i don't make her happy right now and that kills me, i want to give up but i can't, i love her too much. i don't know the purpose of typing this out but hopefully it will get rid of the sadness somewhat so i can be more upbeat with her. if you read thanks, you're a good soul.
you can offer advice if you like, i see no harm.
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self.offmychest
|
Gone. I’m really drunk rn so sorry for bad grammar. So I have gender dysphoria I’m Male rn but have always felt Female, this causes me a lot of pain in the first place. I have dealt with this since I was like 15 really badly and I’m 21 rn, it’s only got worse. Recently I’ve taken to doing any drug I can get hold of, mainly weed but a lot of others. I am about at breaking point because I feel trapped as my family won’t accept it so I just pretend like I never told them and they go along with it like everything is fine. I do drugs to cope but it’s not enough anymore there’s a lot more to this that I can’t type rn but the only way I was ever posting was while fucked up, think I’m going to end it all tommorow, goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I miss my best friend. So much. She (let's call her Angel) and I met in high school, back in september 2015. I already saw her before though. She was pretty easy to notice -- she's an actual punk. She looks so badass. The first time I saw her, I thought to myself, "wow, she looks so cool!" I didn't have any friends at the time, and was so shy. I was a very quiet person and tried to be discreet because I hated being noticed by others. But deep down, I dreamed of being a confident person, unafraid to be different. I admired people who had that confidence. So I admired Angel.
September 2015 was the beginning of a new school year. It was my third and last year there. Angel and I were in the same classes. We were both 17. I quickly noticed she was around so even though I was terrified, I went up to her and said hi. I'm so glad I did. She had another best friend at the time (let's call her Emily). Emily and Angel had known each other and been each other's best friend for YEARS. I felt a bit sad because I thought I'd never be able to be close to Angel.
Over the months, I got to know her better. Emily though, I didn't speak to her much as she didn't share any of our classes, we never really were interested in getting to know each other. And since she was always with other people, she got herself a new close friend, and completely left out Angel. Angel would often vent to me about it, and I could tell she felt hurt over it. I went through a similar thing years ago so I could relate to her and help her a bit. She got over Emily, and Angel and I started to become closer friends. We'd always laugh and say silly things. It was so weird in a way because we're polar opposites -- I'm an introvert who likes to keep a low profile and has a good reputation overall and listens to indie music, and she's an extrovert who loves to rebel against the school with her punk friends, she listens to hard rock music and she really often gets in trouble. We'd always compare each other to Chloe and Max from Life is Strange. She's Chloe and I'm Max. It was kind of our thing. She even wanted to dye her hair blue at one point haha.
Anyway, as time went on, she opened up to me about some of the messed up things that happened in her life before we met each other, and she talked to me about her depression (it's pretty bad). I remember being so surprised because the idea of her being depressed never once crossed my mind. But I didn't judge her, and it didn't make me think of her any differently -- to be quite honest, I felt a little bad for not noticing how much she was suffering inside and had no one to talk to about it. But I was there for her, and she was there for me. I'd always give her advice and make her feel better (talked her out of self-harm many times). It is stressful, but I'd do anything for her.
At the end of the school year (in 2016), we both graduated high school. During the summer, she spent a day at my house and it was so nice. I also spent a day at her house. We live pretty far away from each other so it's kind of complicated for each other to meet up but we made it work somehow. Everytime we'd hang out, we'd just walk and walk for hours talking about everything that was on our minds. It was so nice. We started giving each other gifts for our birthdays and Christmas too. I still have all of her gifts in my bedroom. One of them is a necklace -- and it's sleeping right under my pillow. I wear it everytime I miss her. It reminds me that she's still there, at least in my heart.
Earlier this year, around June, I started feeling really drained, and overall uncomfortable with myself. It was confusing to me because at that point in my life, I had lost a lot of weight (though I still am overweight lol, I need to get back to it), so I thought I should be happier. And I was for a while. But not anymore. These feelings would increase whenever I was hanging out with Angel. I was very confused about how I felt at the time and thought the reason I felt like this was because of her. As if there was something not right in our friendship that made me feel that way, but I couldn't tell what. I was often anxious because I was scared she would harm herself, but I knew it wasn't the reason I felt uncomfortable. It was driving me crazy though. and I thought, "maybe I need to cut her out of my life? if she's the one making me uncomfortable, then it probably means our friendship won't survive so why keep it going?" ugh. And I cut her out of my life, just like that. I told her we were just too different and I didn't feel close anymore. We had an argument, and we both handled the situation poorly -- she got mean, and I blocked her. it was bad. I got very sad after this even though I'm the one who decided to end the friendship. I cried for days and my family kept telling me it was okay and it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was for me. I couldn't handle the idea that I hurt her. That I made her feel bad. I was so upset at myself - still kind of am.
In September, we were supposed to start uni together. I went up to her and apologized for everything that has happened, and told her I missed her. She apologized too. Some of her guy friends were in uni too and she wanted me to meet them. I didn't say anything but I was freaking out internally, because I was scared they wouldn't like me and make fun of me because of how different I am compared to them. My anxiety was getting REAL bad though because even though I knew a shit ton of people would be there, I didn't realize it would make me feel THIS awful. I think I almost had a panic attack just waiting in the hallways. I felt really bad and started getting depressed. I dropped out without saying a single word to anyone. I felt ashamed. Not gonna lie, while I was at uni, I avoided Angel because I wanted to meet people like me and make my own group of friends (I did but I felt meh about them, though they're nice and I didn't really get to know them in the end). Angel added me back on social media but I kept our conversations over text as short as possible. I didn't feel like I was ready to be friends with her again, still thinking she was the reason for me feeling uncomfortable.
After stopping uni, I had to deal with bad stuff at home with my family, so I kind of ... shut down. I was highly depressed and isolated myself badly. My sleep schedule was a mess since I'd go to bed at 7am and wake up at 4pm. I'd spend a lot of time on the internet though, trying to find why I felt the way I did in general. I found out a lot of stuff about myself - that I have a fear of intimacy. and especially that I was going through an identity crisis and have been for the past months. It all made sense to be honest, I kept asking myself questions and putting pressure on myself. And this is when it clicked -- Angel wasn't the cause of how I was feeling. It was really just me and my thoughts (come to think of it, she's the only friend I'd hang out with, so I didn't have any other friend to compare her to I guess). I've been missing her ever since September, actually. I only texted her almost two months ago but it was a small talk in the end and we both didn't really try to keep the conversation going. It made me sad.. but I knew it was my fault we weren't close anymore. I tried to move on. Tried to make new friends but it'd never work out. I always ended up comparing them to Angel subconsciously.
A few weeks ago, I was on Instagram and saw Angel with a new guy friend in a picture. She wrote in the caption how good of a friend he is, and that he comes to her house all the time (thing I wasn't able to do as we live too far away) etc. and he genuinely looks like a great guy. Ironically, he looks like the male version of me, which is a little disorienting I have to admit haha. But when I saw this, I cried. Because I realized she was truly gone now. She found a better friend. She's moved on. She forgot about me completely.
I've been thinking of reaching out to her and talk to her, to get some closure, but also to hear what she has to say. There are so many things she doesn't know, she most likely thinks I got bored of her and ghosted her, although it's not the truth. She often posts stuff about feeling depressed and drinking alcohol to numb the pain and it's frustrating because I want to help her but I can't. I miss her. I miss my best friend. But I don't think she misses me at all and that sucks I guess. I'm not even sure if I should go and talk to her or just drop it and move on. It's messing with my head.
I'm going to sleep now, thanks for reading this whole thing. I don't have anyone to talk about it with so yeah. Goodnight.
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self.offmychest
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i want to die, nothing new ok so, the thing is, although im a hundred percent sure i’m bipolar, i can’t get a proper treatment and im getting worse everyday. i can feel the symptoms growing and i see how they’re affecting my life, but my therapist refuses to believe me. anyway, lately i’ve been pretty manic, but i know my actions are based on depressed opinions. does that makes any sense? like, i can’t stop exercising but that’s just because my depressed self is fucking drowning in self hate, so i project that feeling onto my manic episodes. i think. i don’t know, its too hard too live like this without any help, and im really not looking forward to living the rest of my life like this. i think dying would be the best solution.
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone have severe anger with their depression? Any good coping strategies? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
How do you guys deal with the loneliness? Through the years depression has been part of my life. However, recently after going through a break up, the hardest part for me has been trying not to feel alone. I honestly don’t have friends, the only person I had was ex-SO, I have been trying to reach out to other people such as coworkers and friends that have moved away. Yet, I have not been able to shake that feeling. I really feel like I’m the only person in the world and every time I try to go outside it makes me feel even more lonely. I’d like to hear from some of you who have dealt with this and how it changed?
Edit: thank you guys so much for taking the time to share. I am in my last semester of undergrad so, there’s still lots of reading and stuff to do. However, that hasn’t really helped. I’ve been trying to do all sorts of things such as listening to music, taking walks, reaching out to ‘friends’, coworkers and family (just my parents). I’ve also been painting, drawing, knitting, playing video games, all you can think of and even when I’m doing those things I cannot shake that feeling. It’s like it never leaves. This really help me see that after all I’m not the only one feeling this way and somehow it makes me feel slightly better but at the same time more sad. I wouldn’t want anybody else to feel this way. Also, I have two cats so I guess it could be worse. Thanks again!
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self.depression
|
Pain moving to other spots. Lately I've started to notice something that I think has been going on for years. There are a few things that bother me health wise but that are really nothing to worry about.
Now I get a lot of small cuts and bruises and things like that regularly and i'm starting to notice that if something starts to hurt near one of the spots I’m worried about the pain seems to move to that location which then causes me to worry even more.
I've just started to realize this but looking back I’ve had other places in the past that bothered me and tended to hurt regularly which really had no reason too. As my concerns about those areas went away so did the pain.
Is this something normal and has anyone else experienced this?
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel bad not going home for Christmas. I don't usually miss the holidays, but this year I can't do it. I'm going to spend ten days with my best friend. And I feel so guilty.
I keep telling myself I've done the right thing. I can't deal with my family. I do love them, but every time I go home, it's one giant panic attack. I was home for three weeks between jobs last summer, and was honestly considering killing myself.
I don't even know where to start. My dad: the alcoholic, seems depressed but denies it, takes his medication with wine. Has been hospitalized several times, can't walk because of his swollen legs (his feet are huge and purple), won't exercise or eat right and lives in his chair all day. Doctors tell him stop drinking, he denies they told him this. He can't control his bodily functions a lot and has yet to learn how to throw out his adult diapers. I earned a Nintendo Switch over the summer for cleaning them out of his bathroom- literally came up to my knees. My mom won't do it.
My mom: drinks because my dad is awful to her (verbally). Drinks because the house is falling down around her. I mean that literally. The ceiling in my mom's bedroom collapsed, almost killing her. She sleeps in my sister's old room. The ceiling is cracking in there. The floor under the shower is rotting, the ceiling to our living room is sagging and so is the wall. I won't sleep in the living room. I can't sleep in my old room, because my dad moved in there years ago and it smells like rotted hamster cage and you can't open the door. I sleep on the floor in my sister's old room. Or, lie awake listening to the squirrels that took over our attic, and wonder if I'd know if the ceiling was about to fall on me. Did I mention that I'm terrified to shower there? My dad thinks the house is "just fine".
And my sister...the partying law student. Lives half an hour away now, with her boyfriend (who very kindly told me last Christmas what a burden I was on my sister). She guilts me about not coming home for "family" but we all know she wants me around so mom has somebody else to talk to. She wouldn't be seen much.
I try every time I go home to fix them. I've tried for years to get my dad to stop drinking and exercise more, I've tried to get my mom to move out. She terrifies me more than my dad, because she seems to be in some state of denial over the state of things. However, she's told me (drunkenly) in great detail how she wants to kill herself. She seems to feel bad leaving my dad, because he'd probably die in his chair and we wouldn't know. Also she can't get a job because of all HER anxiety and weight issues.
I don't know how to fix them. I don't know if they can be fixed. I feel like such a shitty person for leaving them this year, but that house scares me so bad and I don't want to do Christmas. I hate that we don't have the happy Christmases we used to have. It'll be my dad drinking and complaining and denying he's had a drink, and my mom pissed off at me because I'm "pouting" and texting my friends. I can't do this but I can't stop feeling terrible about it.
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self.Anxiety
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Yet another outcast trying to run away from a hostile environment: Work for shelter Europe? Breaking your cage. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Overcoming anxiety doens't make me feel good, it just makes me want to never have to do that thing again [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I don't wanna tell dad much but he won't let me go to counciling I'm depressed and have suicidal thoughts daily but dad just believes I have anxiety because I don't want him to worry or anything. I'm too good at hiding it. My mum was very ill with mental health. But my dad doesn't want me to "aspire" to be her with mental health and idolise it. Which I don't but dad doesn't belive anything is wrong until he sees it and even if he does he tries to forget it. I've had panic attacks and several breakdowns over stupidly small things but when I bring it up he instantly changes subject. Idk what to do and I can't live like this like I need something to change for me to be even vaguely content in life.
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self.depression
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Been in therapy for about 5 months now and I do feel like I've made progress... But I have days (like today) that make me feel like I've gotten nowhere. Please tell me I'm not alone. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Killing myself after school I'm so fucking sick of being alive. Everything that I liked to do in past I've lost the ability to enjoy. I have little motivation to do anything, so little I force myself to eat. Every day I feel constant pain and emptiness. I have never really been successful or motivated in life. My failures causes me to leach off others, I'm sick of being a burden on others. I've recovered from depression before, but it always seems to come stronger. I'm sick of fighting it and just want to end my life.I appreciate you reading this post and if you're struggling try to do better than me. Goodbye all.
Edit: For those who commented on my post I thank you. Tried to kill myself but it didn't work. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I've been planning to do this for awhile. Now I'm just not sure what to do, I didn't think I'd still be alive.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else abuse their medication just because it puts them to sleep? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I've made my choice. Giving away my possessions as I have no friends Going to post my note on here later this week. Have no friends or family to leave my possessions so pm me for info
My belongings are:
120 dollars in cash (mostly 5 dollar bills)
1 smartphone (1st generation moto G unlocked, 5gb internal storage)
1abstract painting I made (its pretty good, you could sell it)
1 Casio Watch. Has timer, stopwatch, alarm
That's all I have worth sending. I'm pretty poor so I just have some clothes and shoes besides listed belongings. Don't have any friends so if you're okay with free stuff from a dead guy pm me soon
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self.SuicideWatch
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Needing Help and advice i created this account for my wife to join support groups and to help her understand she is not alone.
We have been together for 17 years. During that time we would go through periods of happiness followed by horrible periods of unfaithfulness. Each time I would pick up the pieces of the relationship and try to move forward. After our last separation we started working through things and got married in 2011.
Again a period of happiness until about 3 years ago. we had a rough year of trying to see our house and it caused us to be distant and non-affectionate, all on her side. During this time my wife started having an affair that lasted 2 years. I didn't know anything about it and thought our relationship was okay and we were just going through a rough patch.
Fast forward to my birthday my wife disappeared for 17 hours and come to find out she started another relationship with a trans woman and moved out. During this time I tried to work things out like always and did not stray until I found out about the 2 year relationship she had. After which I did what she told me to do and tried to be happy by starting conversations with other woman.
Biggest mistake of my life. Now we are at a point where she is trying to get help for her recent bipolar and multiple personalities diagnosis but feels like she can't trust me or I am a liar which I have never been.
I'm lost and don't know what to do to help her and to help myself/kiddo.
Note: I am not perfect by any means. however I'm not a liar nor a cheater. I have been in our home taking care of our kid while my wife decides she wants to be a mother/wife or not. I am absolutely bitter and need to work on getting over my selfishness but cannot focus when she is near. I love my wife unconditionally but my mind is cloudy...
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self.bipolar
|
I may be bipolar? What do? Hello all, I'm new to this Reddit so I apologize if I'm doing this incorrectly. Please inform me if so.
Anyways, long story short, I've been feeling like I may be bipolar for some years now and it's been especially evident these last few months. It comes and goes in severity but It's pretty uncontrollable without a lot of conscious effort to keep my cool.
I've been going to a therapist on and off for several years now for being depressed and trying to get myself up out of bed on a more regular basis, however, my ups and downs have never changed regardless of how well I treat myself.
I've tried to talk to my closest friends before and they say they think I should ask a professional because it very well may be possible but they don't know any better. I try to ask my parents what they think but instead I choke up.
When I try to ask or say I feel like it, I feel like a huge liar because mental illness has always been ignored in my family, which is full of alcoholics and a few drug abusers here and there.
TL;DR - How would I even begin to talk to a professional to get diagnosed and treated for something like Bipolar Disorder? Growing up, depression was always there and I was always told it was because I didn't make [good] friends so it was just normal. I've never quite had a good understanding of any of this.
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self.bipolar
|
Can't Sleep Due to Anxiety For the past week, I've been unable to sleep (or get very little).
I lost my job, I'm about to turn 30, I'm stressed, and my mind keeps racing late at night.
Wondering if anyone has had the same issues and what they've done. I'm sort of going a little crazy -- sleep deprived, after all.
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self.Anxiety
|
I fucking hate life Don't know what else to say. I go on Omegle to talk with people and sometimes it works but 95% of the time it's just bots or horny guys.
Honestly I don't even know why I go on omegle. I don't even feel like I want to talk with anyone. Why the fuck do I go on there?
I feel like I shouldnt even be living. I am a socially awkward person and I do some weird shit sometimes and because of those things I feel like I shouldn't be living. I'm too fucked for life.
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self.depression
|
Why do I feel disconnected from my family? Whenever we go out to eat, or have some “fun” family gathering, I feel no enjoyment, and I just want no part. When I’m at home I constantly distance myself, and hunker down in my room, and I enjoy working away from family.
I don’t like this feeling, and I almost feel depressed every time we do something together. I also can’t seem to grow closer to my 2 brothers.
I lost my older brother 2 years ago, and even the I felt the same way. I’d be okay leaving, and just being by myself somewhere far away.
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self.depression
|
How many jobs have you quit or been fired from? I've had at least 30 that I can remember, but I'm sure I had more. Have a hard time ending any job on good terms. My resume looks like garbage unless I do a bit of creative editing.
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self.bipolar
|
Safe to say I'm experiencing mania if my libido changes with an antidepressant dose My PCP didn't think it was mania at first when prescribing me lexapro 10 mg, but I wen't from living in terror or panic most of the time on stimulants to complete relief to the point where I never felt anxiety when most people would. It was like unreal confidence although my eyes looked drugged up, people thought it was drugs but it was an antidepressant. My libido rose so high, i was having real healthy sex life with my ex-gf and always in a good mood spending money I shouldn't have like crazy because my self-image was impeccable.
I had trouble maintaining a job during grad school but worked a huge internship over one summer where I definitely felt like something was off on lexapro, like my ex-gf made me feel better than I should have and now i'm having so much trouble catching up as a person and restoring relationships, but at a cost.
Seeing a psych now that didn't definitively diagnose me with Bipolar 2, but I'm on Dexedrine Spansules 15 mg and Adderall 10 mg IR as needed for my bar exam studies and for depression, rexulti 1 mg, wellbutrin xl 300 mg, and Effexor 37.5 mg twice a daily. If i raise my effexor to 75 mg, I get more relief but also look more sedated and people look at me like im crazy including my own family when I bring home new girls (assuming I look out of it and they have to be nuts to come home with me). Now I take partial dose and split it up and things seem clearer but i have more anxiety. Why is my libido fluctuating with my sense of reality on a slight dose change? I've been put on lithium and lamictal in the past and neither helped me, couldn't leave bed just cried all day. could be dealing with a situation at home that they want control over my life and lexapro shattered that in ways, but also made me look medicated and now on a lower dose i wouldn't be prone to such control yet suffer more. its tempting to raise my dose again because of how good I physically look but mentally confused. thank you
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self.bipolar
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I just lay in bed all day fantasizing about death [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Not eating Anyone else experienced periods of MAJOR anxiety which lead to days of not eating ? First time posted / sorry if this has been covered before. Can feel my heart pounding in my throat but if I eat I'll be sick. Any response appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
|
sick to my stomach and cold about messing up an potential opportunity with a girl Hey everyone, two weeks ago, I was able to get the number of a girl who I had liked and met a couple months back and, initially the first interaction in person and first week of texting went well, all signs were pointing to me asking to go on a date or just hang out with her.
However, the mixture of I've never been on a date, I've been living alone, complacent with a life of non-confrontation, and also had my deal of sexual orientation ambiguity has made the prospect of meeting up with this girl absolutely gut wrenching. I've put off texting her today out of fear of denial, and finality of it coming to an end. I'm paralyzed today in nerves and have had diarrhea this morning in turn. I've had anxiety for awhile, but wasn't seeking help until this last week when I saw a therapist, which went well, I'm hoping to go later this week again.
I'm just at a crossroads of whether to try and overcome my anxiety that has been embedded in me for awhile but went unnoticed, and go out with a girl who's shown interest intially, and in the first week, but I'm getting the feeling is impatient I haven't ask her to hang out, or try and ween off communications and seek help over the summertime, to maybe bring it back up next fall and try again as a stronger person hopefully after routine therapy(were both students in college, nearing the end of the semester). Any input is appreciated, I don't know whether to keep talking or just let it go and focus on myself.
Thank you, I don't mean to come about a sob story about a girl or anything, rather I'm super new to this and has been a new source of anxiety that I haven't dealt with ever at this point.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm fuming Something at work has made me so mad. I'm furious.
I'm losing my job in a few months and have an offer letter from a consulting firm to do exactly what I'm doing now for less benefits. I shouldn't give a fuck about anything at work but this situation has me so angry.
I'm generally not an angry person and I'm having trouble dealing with the feeling. I kept it together at work but I don't even know what I'm going to do about it. I wasn't included in some key meetings that directly impact my work. One of my colleagues who I thought was my partner basically dragged my name in the mud to my Director and to people outside my department.
I have a head ache. I'm trying to do DBT but I can't even calm down enough to make anything work. I don't want to take a Valium because I need to learn how to deal with my emotions.
I am just so mad and venting. I want to rip up the offer letter and go on unemployment until I find a job as far away from these people as possible. Obviously I can't burn bridges but I feel like I want to burn something.
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self.bipolar
|
I feel paralyzed in social situations. Example: today at swim practice I slammed my hand against a girl’s hand who was swimming in the one next to me. When we got to the wall I heard her telling the people in her lane that someone hit her. I wanted to say sorry but for some reason I was so anxious about speaking I ended up saying nothing.
I get so anxious about speaking to anyone that’s not a close friend; I think people are judging what I’m saying, how my voice sounds, etc. I’ve been talking to somebody about my anxiety but I’m not making any progress. I hate this.
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self.offmychest
|
my "single" tendencies ruined my life by making my friends dislike me. I do not want to live anymore. There are many factors to this (I've been depressed for a very long time) but the last straw is my group of friends. There are three of us and we have been good friends since college (we graduated about five years ago). In that time they all got married, and I have remained single. I'm not a mopey person about this, I have a lot of hobbies like video games, writing, and photography (and of course a job). However, these friends constantly try to set me up and make me feel bad about myself for not dating. They are aware I have issues with social anxiety but tell me I use it as an 'excuse' to not meet people. Whenever they try to set me up with men, it is always with these "macho" type guys that I don't gel with (I get along with people who I guess would be described as more "geeky" or whatever. It's a stupid label, but you understand this point). After a recent bad date with one of their picks I told them that I was done with their behavior, and all of them came at me telling me that I would be single forever and that I need to take what I can get when it comes to dating because I'm too old to be so picky (which I'm not! I don't care about looks at all, just how someone behaves) and told me I needed to "act my age" and date men with money in mind so they could take care of me (which is dumb to me. I think this concept is ridiculous!) The most embarrassing part is that they kind of make fun of me because I've never had sex, and almost act like I'm some loser person because of this. This fight between us hurt my feelings, and now I am sure we won't be friends anymore. Everything is so messed up, I wish I could be better and be like my friends but maybe they're right and I'm immature and too old for what I want out of life. This is all there is for me in life, this is the "peak". It will all be downhill from here. I'd rather end things now than have to experience this bleak future.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
"I admire your strength" I'm currently stuck at the ER, maybe I should explain how I ended up here.
I was out with a a close friend and we had a deep talk while enjoying a few beers. It was all going fine and it did for the next few hours, we met a few more friends and I had a great time until the topic "girlfriend" poped up. I thought I had this shit behind me but I left them early with the excuse "I still have work to do, see you guys tommorow". I just snapped I couldn't think of anything but suicide. So I followed my gut feeling, I went on the highway and at that moment nothing seemed relevant I thought this is it, this is what I became or will become in a few seconds, a fucking road kill. I'm not sure if this is luck or just a caring person who saved me but I can't thank them enough, dear stranger if you ever find this post I want to thank you for giving another day to fight this fucking depression, DP and PTSD.
I guess its never too late to change, good night folks.
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self.depression
|
They did it. They killed my future. With the new tax bill my dreams of graduating with a masters or a PHD are now over. An entire generation of future leaders and the smartest Americans, now gone.
I want to use the anger and go out and organize and volunteer for 2018 and 2020. But now I'm having a bigger issue. I can't suppress the anger, I can't look at a Republican, voter, or politician without having an urge to physically harm them. I'm afraid one day I'm now just going to snap.
Over the course of 2017 Trump and the GOP have made me flip on secession, on gun control, and on race. All I have left from little optimism is now blind, almost uncontrollable rage. I seriously can't be alone in this feeling. Am I?
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self.offmychest
|
Depressed and unemployed I am 22 years old. I haven't been able to get a job for a while now. I graduated 6 months ago with a degree in Finance. I don't have so many friends and not enough money either. I still live with my parents, but hope to get a job and be self reliant. I was hospitalized for my first manic episode soon after graduating. I spent time in a psychiatric ward, and took meds after being released. It was a hard time to to readjust since September to not having a job or school. I was taking classes for my second bachelor's, but had to drop them all due to being admitted in the hospital.
I took meds since the hospital, and I stopped taking them and going to therapy because I felt like I was a zombie and didn't want to have bipolar disorder. Now that I don't have a job, and mostly stay in bed all day, I think to myself that what is the point of living if this is what I am. I wish now I was still going to my therapist, and I think I am developing depression.
I have to fix my sleep schedule an get back to doing things every day. I don't know what to do because my life is going nowhere. I feel like a failure every day and would rather by dead. What can I do to go farther in life and not feel this depression and worthlessness?
Should I go back to school? Is that even worth it? Should I go to a coding boot camp and then I might get a job? Do I have to take out loans for a masters degree?
What can I do each and every day now to keep my mind off these negative thoughts? I just want a purpose, direction and stability in life. Otherwise, it seems like there is no point.
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self.depression
|
How long did it take to go manic on antidepressants? I started Prozac 2 or 3 days ago and it may already be making me hypo. Is it possible to flip that fast? I'm on a baby dose, half the normal starting dose, but I already went nuts on Zoloft a year ago and I'm afraid it'll happen again
I feel like my head is too clear. When nothing is going on I'm restless. I'm talking fast and thinking fast. Flighty ideas. It's nothing severe yet but I feel like it might be starting...
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self.bipolar
|
Going to the grocery store So I'm supposed to pick up bread and something else from the grocery store but I'm too anxious. I'm extremely scared of going to the store and I don't want to get another panic attack. I'm too scared that I'm embarrass myself or drop something. I think too much about what other people think. I'm so scared that I'll ruin something, trip and fall, be too slow in the line, say something embarrassing or talk too quiet to the casier or I won't have enough money. Even if I have 10 euros and I'm supposed to pay like 3, I'm still so scared about not having money. What do I do? I'm 14 so I MUST go. I've already told my mum that I'm too anxious, but she doesn't care. She's too lazy to pick it up herself after work.
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self.Anxiety
|
Thank you to everyone in this sub I don't have bipolar disorder. I have depression and anxiety, but this sub, I think, is one of the best mental health subreddits.
I hope it's okay to say that I also feel I relate to a lot of what is said here and that has really helped me feel okay about my situation. It's made me realise I'm not alone and most importantly: that's it's okay and in fact good to talk about your issues with people who you trust. That your issues are a part of you and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. As a group of people with mental health issues, we are all looking to feel our best, given each of our circumstances.
There's a particular vibe in r/bipolar, with the jokes and solidarity that I haven't seen in other subreddits. You're all really positive and compassionate people! Thank you.
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self.bipolar
|
Intrusive thoughts are the worst. My depression has been off the rails for what feels like a month now. I barely have the energy to do anything anymore, and I keep feeling like a burden. I can't think of a day that has gone by this month (or possibly last) where I haven't had any or I do the "etch a sketch" shakes to get the intrusive thoughts out of my head.
I've always been sensitive to tone and little stuff like that, so just hearing a door close a certain way can have me on edge - and I can just hear that nagging voice in my head anticipating an incoming shit storm. Lately, they've been more repetitious; like I'll be doing my own thing, then it just kicks in and telling me what a failure I am and stuff like "shotgun, head, shotgun, head" over and over again. It can happen a few times an hour, and it's wearing me out more than I already have to give.
It's not like I could act on my impulses even if I wanted to, but man, it's exhausting to deal with my head shaming me and me losing interest in everything - now I got this to deal with too.
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self.depression
|
I think I just realized what the origins of my recurring nightmares I've had for the past decade or so. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I hate NYC, and I don't know when I can leave I moved into the city two years ago. I'd been in Westchester for about four years, working steadily as an engineer, but my wife felt that she needed to be much closer to work in order to finish her degree and that I'd had the privilege of working a 10-minute walk away from work for long enough. At the time, she assured me that she'd be getting her degree done in less than two calendar years, that she could pick up the slack from my being away just as I had with her, and that in the long run it'd be better.
I had my doubts. I grew up first in a suburb and then in two different world-class cities, but New York is just something else. Maybe it was the constant crush of people. Maybe it was the noise, like the screeching of the subway cars or horns in traffic. Maybe it was the cost of everything - I've always had anxieties about not saving enough and culturally my family always emphasized saving. I didn't enjoy visiting the place. But in the end my wife's talk about her own sacrifice for years commuting in on the Metro North made it tough to argue for my own comfort for what we expected would be less than two.
Now we live in a 1 bedroom that has half the space of our old apartment in Westchester at 50% more price. We went from saving 30% of our income to 10%, and that's after cutting out vacations and the dance lessons we used to have at Arthur Murray. A lot of people might think that's outstanding in NYC, but considering that we cook every day and take boxed lunches into work even more now than we did before, it's indicative of a lot of cutting things out of our lifestyle. It makes me constantly stressed out.
Living in NYC has made me do something I intensely dislike - shutting out everything to just get by. Whenever I leave the apartment, I bury my nose in a book or in my phone, seeking to shut out the sensory overload or else feel overwhelmed. I force myself to ignore poor people asking for help on the street because I look like a moderately well-dressed Asian guy. I force myself to pointedly ignore the panhandlers who yell a few feet away from me every day on the subway. I've had to harden my heart and become cynical about people asking for help, even as on the inside I try to still be the person who maintains a schedule of helping less fortunate families on the weekends. So not only do I have to actively decrease my ability to understand my environment to be able to ignore the traffic and outdoor noise, it also comes with a healthy dose of cognitive dissonance.
In retreating into a defensive posture out of doors, I've lost any sense of community. I constantly escape reality and don't talk to people about their interests or have spontaneous conversations. I vividly remember the last time someone talked to me about a mutual interest who wasn't already someone I knew - a 4 minute conversation last March with a mutual fan of Brandon Sanderson novels on the 4 train, who saw what I was reading. Notably, he'd only lived in the city for 2 weeks. The same kind of thing happened to me several times a week when I visited small towns or other cities for work. Now I adopt a posture that just repels others.
But NYC is so full of culture, isn't it! To that, I say that it's mostly not worth it. I hate traveling around so much that a trip to Carnegie Hall to see the opera or a concert is too much emotional stress (yes, that includes taxis, because I get carsick from the stop-go way they drive). I visited all the museums when I lived in Westchester and have very little interest to stand in line for two hours just to see Girl With a Pearl Earring at the Frick behind some hipster that likes to wear glasses frames with no lenses.
What about fashion? Man, if you enjoy this kind of environment, I do not envy you. Before I moved here, I was confident about my look and my wife was too. Now I feel the stress living surrounded by so much glamor induces - and I'm the kind of person who has zero color sense and couldn't care less about 90% of the way I dress. For women, it's worse, and I see it, too. I get it rebounded back at me when my wife or female friends spend time agonizing over how my level of dress or formality makes them not want to be seen with me, despite having been perfectly fine with the exact same attire the prior year. And it is hugely alienating to see the way people flaunt their wealth when they dress. It's winter now, and I counted nearly 50 Canada Goose down jackets on my morning commute, and yes I can spot the difference. Do you know how expensive those are? One of them would have paid for a month and a half of my rent in college, and here it's a status symbol for college kids and the youngest cohort of yuppies!
And then the restaurants? Give me a break. Everywhere I live I have maybe 10 restaurants, at most, that I find and then never look for another - and besides, my wife has a bad enough allergy that finding new ones around here is always an ordeal. And besides, we cook at home all the time not just because of the allergy but because we enjoy it. For all the restaurant culture here, the quality of ingredients we can get for ourselves has gone down while the cost just keeps going up. The bars? Man, I'm pushing 30. I never was much of one for getting shitfaced to begin with, and the idea of walking into the kind of place that leaves your ears ringing holds even less appeal to me now than it did when I turned 21.
I miss having my own car, going to wilderness areas to forage for ramps or puffballs, being able to make spontaneous trips to a 50-mile bike trail, having decent farmer's markets or fresh fruit and vegetables, and not having to plan my day around when the subway will be packed or where tourists like to go. I miss having enough physical and mental space to pursue my hobbies. I miss not having to psych myself up to mentally handle the journey to visit friends who live a mile away. I miss wanting to leave my apartment.
So here I am. Since moving I've gained 20 pounds and constantly daydream about moving somewhere - anywhere - else, the usual flavor of the month being wherever my wife's heard about a postdoc position. The predicted <2 years for the Ph. D. has ballooned to at least another calendar year from now, through no fault of my wife's I might add. I'm struggling to stay positive, but tomorrow I'm renewing our lease for another year.
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self.offmychest
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Stuck In a World of Past Experience I've been on and off depressed for around 7 years now. Every time i get depressed i find myself stuck in nostalgic emotion over everything i have experienced. I cant appreciate the present, and find myself feeling a sense of dread/regret over the fact i'm not living in elements of the past where i was "happier". The problem is, many of these "happy" memories are too happy for me to have experienced. However i am convinced i have experienced them in almost a level of euphoria. Its as though i am trying to be concious anywhere but the present. This is stopping me caring about present relationships or events going on in my life. All i want to do is lie in my bed and think nothing. But thinking nothing is too difficult so i begin to dig out memories of the past bringing me unbearable emotional pain. All my energy, it seems, is being channelled into a state of mind making me feel worse. I feel as though i should cry because i can see what a detrimental effect this is having on my life but i have no emotional energy to do so. Does anyone know a way i can displace all this emotion i feel from the past and help channel it into the present? I feel as though my whole perspective of my life is completely fucked.
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self.depression
|
Considering my options I don't know. I am afraid I might impulsively do it. Soon. My grand plan is in 2032 when my youngest is 18. On my birthday. It may seem odd to post here 14 years in advance. But lately life is getting to me. I am not like everyone. I react to shit. I feel unloved. I have it "made", girl at home, couple of kids, banking over 100kUSD a year. I feel shitty to feel sorry for myself. But I do. Noone likes me. I am just here. Fuck this shit
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone noticed the media avoids using the word “bipolar?” They instead use the words “depression” or “anxiety” I was doing research on Maria Bamford (who has bipolar disorder) and popular news outlets would say she struggles with depression and anxiety. Why are they afraid to use the word “bipolar?”
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self.bipolar
|
Husband is pissed about spending money I’m in the clingy stage but my husband has been pushing me away all day. He didn’t want to meet for lunch. He couldn’t text me all day which I know is because he had to work.
He came home with the credit card statement in his hand and wants me to check all of the amazon purchases. Apparently there were like 40 last month. It doesn’t help that I ordered stuff today. I’m sure they are all mine.
He just is so pissed not because it will send us into financial ruin but because I can’t control the spending. He thinks we can get things cheaper at Walmart than Amazon.
I feel so ashamed I’m pretty sure I will cut after my son goes to bed. My husband is saying just don’t buy anything else.
For instance I bought thank you cards. And then I needed a container to organize greeting cards because of the left overs. But he said I could have just bought 5 thank you cards and not need any of that.
I’m not in a clingy mood anymore I just don’t know how I feel. I definitely feel up and down at the same time. I don’t want to sleep tonight, I don’t even want to try. I just don’t care what happens with my moods.
Sorry for feeling sorry for myself. I am just so ashamed.
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self.bipolar
|
Looking for advice - pls help A bit about myself - Im 15 and have been bullied most of my life. I play guitar and bass very well but I have zero confidence. I have extreme difficulties talking to girls i.e. when everythings going well with her either a) some random guy steals her or b) I fuck everything up. I feel extremely tired and done - not only with women but with life. I appreciate the responses.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Telling her wasn't a relief at all. Generic crush and whatnot, decided that I should tell her just to get her out of my head. I thought it would just be a relief. Don't know her well, haven't talked to her, etc. etc: one of those inexcusable infatuations.
Devise a *contingency* (that I knew deep down would be what I do regardless) of giving her a note with the sentiment for if (when) I chicken out.
End of class, ten seconds before we leave, I give it to her and say "We should meet up during break". (Our winter break is in 2 days)
Instead of any emotional reprieve, I've just been sitting trying not to break down at how irrational it all was, how much of a failure I am, and that I can't do anything right... She obviously hasn't replied to me at all whatsoever and almost definitely won't.
I understand how dumb this was, which is why I made a throwaway. Just needed to vent at yet another miserable failure in the grand life of FallaciousThrowaway.
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self.depression
|
Thoughts on life Ever since I started smoking weed I’ve turned my vision on life, I think it’s pretty dark and nihilistic, almost hopeless at times. It seems like the only motivation for me is money, just because I can travel and buy the things I like, but even that doesn’t motivate me sometimes. I often think about crypto currencies and how I want to become an early millionaire just to avoid working and the social interactions involving that, and sometimes I feel like that’s the only aspiration I have, which I feel is kind of depressing but at the same time comforting. What do you think about this? Am I getting too deep in my mental illness? I feel abnormal most of the time and that hurts me ☹️
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone ever get depressed about the future I sure as hell do. I am 20 year old university student who is already in debt, has MS, and has never been with a girl. As if one of those wasn't bad enough. I've been thinking about the future of technology lately, and it's freaking me the hell out. In years to come, there's a good chance that my MS is going to progress. Therefore, it will follow that I will have a difficult time finding employment and paying off my student loans. And who knows if I'll ever find anyone. I'm terrified of dying alone
But I've seriously been thinking, at the rate of technological progression we're currently at, what will be the point of living if there's no work to be done? I always thought that robots taking the job of a human was a pipe dream, but we're straight up playing god at this point. You always hear about the luddite fallacy in these types of situations, but that doesn't apply. We're talking about the human mind here, not a printing press.
I don't even know if finishing college is worth it. If I don't have a job in the future and still have thousands to pay off in student loans, what the hell am I going to do? And I didn't even factor in the uncertainty that comes along with having a chronic illness.
Fucking shit. Why did I have to be alive in the year 2017? I'm just starting to realize how fucking weird (and fucking terrifying) the technology we have today is
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self.depression
|
I hate that... I hate that I have hate in me, it's like a fire that's burning away the good in me. It makes me wear eyes that see only through jealousy, lust, envy and greed.
An example; every time I introduce one of my friends to another of my friend, they become better friends than I am to either of them. It's not like I wonna be the centre of attention, I don't I guess I simply want recognition and to know that I am valued, inside or out of this particular scenario.
I hate that I have so much anger and hatred that is seporate from me which is locked deep, banging against my walls banging in the dark empty space down there, feeding me it's horrific images of what it would do if ever released.
I fear nothing that isn't related to memory, or lack of. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't like it when I am. I hate that I have the potential to harm others, and I hate the look people give me as though I am that thing, that monster.
I hate that I didn't die all those years ago.
I hate that I feel so worthless.
I hate that I wan't to die.
I hate that I wish I was dead.
I hate that I can't bring myself or know how to love myself.
I hate that I can't find something that's worth a damn.
I hate that I feel that when thing's go right I am weary of it because I know it will go tits up. I get the feeling that I sabotage my own happiness and stability.
I hate that I am jealous of the fact that I think way more of people I care about, and know that they don't do the same - I stopped contacting pretty much everyone, first. The results were that no on came to contact me. Makes me feel as arbitrarily forgotten as getting a reminder on Facebook that 'X's birthday is today'. I hate those messages. Finally removed my DoB from there, wonder who will remember.
I hate the way my father made me see the world, yet at the same time I hate that I am so thankful for doing so.
When people say they hate something or other, I laugh, especially when they say the thing that they hate.
I hate that for as long as I can remember I've felt the same emptiness. I am now 25 and I still feel as empty as the day I was born, like I know I'm here for a reason and I hate that reason because I don't want to watch life, I want to live life. I hate being an observer. I've seen quite a lot and I think that because I can't die, not by my own hands at least (tried to many times to know that it doesn't work for me at least). I know that nothing will change from now til I reach 75.
That's what haunts me, that's what I fear and I hate it.
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self.offmychest
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Where is the line drawn? How can I be positive? Do I forget it it all? How? How do I forget about the desire to die? How do I ignore it? Is this some pseudo science bullshit? When do I see a doctor? What the fuck do I tell the doctor? "Haha I wanna die lol." What the fuck is gonna happen? Do I just get better? When people wonder why I let our relationships fade away, how will they understand? I sure as hell am not telling the world, but I wish they knew. When will my life turn around? When will I be happy with myself? I'm letting the days waste away. I'm 20. I'm letting it waste away.
It's absolutely insane how easily it can change. I feel decent in this moment. But what if tomorrow I have a gun to my head? I can't predict what will happen and I sure as hell can't predict how I will respond to it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The world doesn't get safer, you get more couragous. You can try to make the world around you safer as a way of dealing with your anxiety... try to move to a remote location and live there all your life. That won't be an option to consider for most though, nor would most want to do it.
The way of dealing with anxiety is to become more courageous, become disciplined and take control over your life. You can't make the world a safer place, but you can become more courageous to deal with the world. Please work towards that, for your own sake. You can't just hide at home, you need to discipline yourself and get out into the world. Learn about yourself, other people and the world. Form good habits and stick to them. Life consists of habits, bad or good. Make sure you have a sleep schedule, exercise, watch your diet, show up on time where you need to be. I've been in a place where I've felt sorry for myself etc, let me tell you that is *not* the solution, disciplining yourself hardcore and getting your shit together is. Now I don't know the situation of everyone so I understand there's people with anxiety to the extreme.. let me just say I empathise with that, life is fucking hard, and I'm aware the things I'm advocating here is fucking hard as well for many people, and it's easier said than done.
Sincerely, a guy who's dealt with anxiety all his life and finds disciplining himself with good habits is the solution.
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self.Anxiety
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It's just a fucking cycle I get feelings of self doubt and a lack of worth. In turn I don't talk to people I want to because I don't want to bother them or I think they don't want to talk to me. So I'm stuck alone and I think more about myself and I feel even shittier. So I push people away more, leaving me by myself. It's a downward spiral of loneliness and self loathing and I just want it to end.
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self.depression
|
I decided to not be Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally If you’ve never seen When Harry Met Sally, Fisher’s character is involved with a married man. Sally, played by Meg Ryan, keeps telling her “he’s never gonna leave her.”
I’ve been involved with “an ethically non-monogamous” man for a few months now, I’ll call him J. J’s actions of late make me wonder how ethically non-monogamous he actually is. His girlfriend proposed a month-and-a-half ago & I found out from a mutual friend of the fiancé who didn’t realize I was low-key seeing J.
I gave J the benefit of the doubt to let him tell me, but he never did. So on Monday, when J texted me that he was in my neighborhood & wanted to see if he could stop by, I made sure I looked pretty, slept with him, and then told him I needed someone who could be around for other aspects of my life. It felt great to be in control of the situation, and to get this weight off my shoulders in time for 2018.
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self.offmychest
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Why is suicide always wrong? Why is it wrong? WHen you have no future because of your disability? When you wlll be poor in the future, especially without Support. Because im very likely unable to work. In the worst case i will become homeless. So why live when i will be dirt poor in the future? Maybve even starving and freezing homeless? Whats the Point of living a pointless live in poverty? I am not poor yes, because i live by my parents, but i likely will. So why is suicide wrong? Why is Suicide wrong if you end up homeless?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Getting medical work done Hey all! C:
I have recently come down with something my doctor wants me to get tested for, and I’ve come to the determination that since the thing in question hasn’t gone away, I really should just go through with getting tested. The problem is, I panic and cry when needles are involved, so it’s really prevented me from going to the doctor to have blood work done.
Rationally, I know that it’s not bad, but I just have bad experiences from growing up that I’ve neglected my own medical care. ):
I just started seeing a psychiatrist and I forgot to mention my panic during the appointment, but is there anything I can do to get this work done, or should I message my doctors and let them know that my anxiety is preventing me from doing this? I don’t wanna sound like a dumb kid but I’m terrified of getting blood work done, and I really need to do this; the need to do this isn’t winning out over the sheer terror of having to go get drawn.
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self.Anxiety
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I can do something good in the world. I can end the McSmiths Not a lot of people like me. It's very hard to like me. I'm dense, rude, arrogant, I talk down to people, I turn people down, I am rude to people, I disrespect people. I do all those things to my own fucking girlfriend to the point where she doesn't love me anymore.
Though it's not too late to good, I can make a sacrifice to the universe that will be great and will benefit many people to come in the next hundreds of years. I can end my fucking line of genetics.
My great grandfather, my grandfather, my father and I, we're all dense fucking dicks. We're all assholes with barely any friends. All assholes that made people unhappy. All people who lived miserable lives and died from alcoholism one way or another. My grandfather died at 59 by Cardiac Arrest from drinking too much every night and now my father's liver is completely fucked and hes gone in the next 5 years.
I am 17 years old now and I can make change before it's too late. For anonymity, I'll pretend my lastname is McSmith. The McSmith's should no longer exists. We should no longer exist. I will improve the lives, of many fucking people in the future, by simply ending the McSmiths by killing myself. I doubt my dad would create another fuckin kid in the next 5 years and let that kid growup without a dad.
McSmiths shouldn't exist, I lost my girlfriend, she doesn't love me anymore, and it will be nothing but this stupid shit for the rest of my life. I should not waste my time by living my life. I must make a positive sacrifice for the rest of the world by fucking ending it.
Requesting methods that are quick and painless.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sorry????? for liking something that’s good to me???? My mom asked me if I was a hood girl just because I like rap music lol wtf okay. I just like the music sorry I don’t like Billy Ray Cyrus hun.
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self.offmychest
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I'm watching myself ruin my life and there's nothing I can do to stop it [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else only leave their bed for bathroom breaks and food, for days at a time? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Doesn't control make sense? It's highly agreeable, but I think debatable that you can't control everything, yet.
But chaos is the enemy.
It's the fog that you don't have the knowledge of what's in it. You hope it's not bad, because if control is not on your side only hope is.
The more you control the more knowledge you have to prepare for future events.
Control let's you ease stress if you are successful.
I hear a lot of times that you can't control people, but dictatorships would like a word with you.
Control helps you direct yourself into an optimal path. Where not having control could lead you to a very unwanted path.
Taking 150 mg of ketamine has definitely encouraged my need of control.
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self.Anxiety
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Advice I am 32. I have schizophrenia. I am not currently psychotic. I have insight. I know the voices are artifacts and misfiring neurotransmitters in my brain. I have had this diagnoses since I was 20 or 21. For over a decade I have been medicated and tried therapy. I have been hospitalized ten times or more. I know this illness will never go away. My maintenance phases get shorter. My last break was bad. My next break might see me on the street and I may never come back from it. The idea of fighting this for another 20 or 30 or 40 years or spending that amount of time drifting in and out of psychosis while on the street is frightening. I would tell someone on my care team but they would instantly pink slip me and I would spend 72 hours pretending to care about group therapy in a psychiatric ward and talk to a doctor for a total of five minutes before they released me. It is all about liability here. If anyone can give me an objective, logical reason why I should continue to exist I will not kill myself. Not "things can always improve" or "you need to adjust your meds". Something concrete. I have already tried so many permutations of medications and therapies that I have lost faith in those things. I am planning on killing myself within 24 or 48 hours using a method with a 90-95% lethality rate if I cannot find an anchor. Reddit is pathetically my last chance.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Job Limits Well, it's finally occuring to me how many jobs I can never have just because of my diagnosis. Literally disqualified from. Just because of my diagnosis. For instance, I can't. *Can't* join the military. I didn't necessarily want to, but I liked having the option, y'know? I just...hm, I guess ultimately, I feel really limited because of my condition.
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self.bipolar
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I wish you knew that... I feel alone. I feel like I have no purpose. Nobody understands me. Nobody understands how much hurt I go through. How it feels to feel like this. To have two faces. To make is seem like I am happy when I feel like ending it all. But I’m not that good at hiding it anymore.
If only you knew. If only you knew how I feel. If you knew how I cry every time I am alone. How I cry myself to sleep some nights. How it feels to feel like you have no one. Like no one cares about you. Like no one is there for you.
Do you know now why I don’t smile anymore? Why I have a bad “tone”? Why I always seem tired? Upset? Why I always want to be by myself? Why I don’t want to go out?
I wish you knew. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I wasn’t so scared to talk to you. I wish I could tell anyone about my sadness. About the thoughts I have. About how many times I have thought about killing myself. About why I feel this way. I wish you would be there for me. I wish you would let me know that there is hope. That there are people who love me. That I can live. That I can be happy too.
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self.depression
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I want to become a robot that 100% focuses on myself and my health. I don't want to keep trying to be social or find a girl to be with. Somehow this feels like a bad strategy. After failing time and time and time and time again to get with a girl basically or just be happy in a social setting with my friends I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep trying and being let down. No one wants me.
I used to be able to do the above but not anymore. My friends seem to do just fine and don't seem to really care about me. They just leave me behind or assume I'm okay with them having way more success than me. I'm not okay with that. I'm jealous and fed up.
So I just want to say fuck everyone else. I'm stuck on this planet with one person and that it myself so I guess I'll make the best of it. Seems like a good strategy on the surface but I'll still be horribly lonely and I'll feel inadequate.
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self.depression
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Is this depression? Some background: I live in isolation. I have one friend that I text occasionally and hang out with maybe once every other week, the only other people I talk to are my parents. I spend all of my time in my room. I have conversations with myself constantly and watch Let's Plays on YouTube just to hear someone's voice to offset the loneliness from this.
But most of the time I'm absolutely fine. I laugh at funny videos, I smile frequently, I feel good whenever I'm doing something I enjoy. But the second I get bored and my mind isn't occupied by something I basically don't want to live anymore (not suicidal.) All of my anxiety, problems, and loneliness (especially the loneliness) just rush in and I just don't know how to deal with it other than shutting down and being apathetic. It's like the world just turns dull and grey when this happens and there's no point to anything anymore, I don't want to eat, drink, or do anything other than just lay there. The only release is sleep. But then the next day I'll be fine so long as I keep up the distractions. It's like I'm not able to work through my emotions at all after many years of covering them up. I am almost unable to cry at all or get any sort of emotional release. It feels like I'm just putting band-aid after band-aid of diversions on my mental problems and that can't be healthy. Perhaps the happiness I feel when my mind is occupied by things I enjoy is just a facade I create for myself so I can cope. Is this real depression when I can feel happy most of the time? Am I just insulting people who are severely depressed by writing this on here? Am I just making it seem worse in my head? I don't want to bother the few people I know in real life about this - that would just make them worry about me which I probably don't deserve. They might leave me as well like many people in the past have when I talked too much about my problems. So I just chose to write on here instead... Has anyone gone through something similar?
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self.depression
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distance My boyfriend and I barely get to see each other. In the past we've always been really close, but now he has all these other things to do relating to school and I never get to see him. It went from seeing him almost every week to like... once maybe twice a month. He's the best guy I could ever ask or even think about having, but a I feel like this distance is killing our relationship. I'm crying so hard because I can't see him. Everything feels so distant and It hurts so so much.
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self.offmychest
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Waking up from a great dream is awful Its 10x worse from leaving a hot shower. Bliss to reality.
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self.depression
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How to deal with extremely social parents.? I am not officially diagnosed with anxiety but after a lot of research all symptoms match. My parents do not believe in anxiety ,they think I am simply a spoilt brat. I feel worthless and its worse without medications. Advice will be helpful.
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self.Anxiety
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Two different people Okay so lately I’ve been in this cycle of being happy, patient and caring for a bit. ( which I really feel like is the true me) and then all of a sudden something so small will trigger me and I’ll just turn into this whole different person for a while. It’s not like I have two different people living in me. I just give up for a while. During this, I isolate myself, self harm, and do reckless things because In the moment I don’t care about myself and don’t see myself living much longer. I tell myself I’m gonna kill my self the next day to deal w situations but never do it. it’s hard to explain but I’m constantly getting into trouble for trying to cope w this. I want my parents to understand what I have to deal with but they just think it’s regular teen hormones and rebellion but it’s not. I just can’t control myself. does anyone else feel like they’re unstable and two different people. Sorry if I don’t make a lot of sense. :(
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self.depression
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I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to continue living. I'm a 17-year-old Egyptian male.
I've zero experience in anything.
I'm socially awkward.
Education in Egypt is the worst thing ever, I always have suicidal thoughts when I think about it, and if I fail at school, like I most certainly SHOULD, I'll end up being nothing and I won't have enough money to live for two days.
My father doesn't give a damn about me, my mother is dead and my two sisters don't help, in fact, they always make it worse.
I've some friends who love me, and their lives will be ruined if I commit suicide.
Plus, life has so many enjoyable things to do, and I haven't experienced all of them yet.
I feel so threatened by the world, and I always feel that I'm alone, even that little luxury of having someone to ask for advice.. I don't have it.
I don't want to die.. but I don't want to live.
Please, tell me what to do. Talk me out of committing suicide.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Always in a hurry. Exhausted. I work evening/night shifts. From 7pm to 2am. I suffer from anxiety. The problem is when i wake up, around 12-2pm, a kind of countdown timer turns on in my head, which is like "5 hours left till work". This mentality is very tough to deal with and if i do things during those 5 hours it seems like i am always in a hurry, which increases my anxiety. Would it be a gym or anything.
People with regular job, just fall asleep, and their day starts with their job and after evening is free, so their countdown aint that intense.
How can i deal with this, besides changing my job?
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self.Anxiety
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