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I swallowed dried up super glue I'M SO SCARED Ok long story short working on model plane super glue on fingers unknowliy picked it off with my teeth and spat it out but I think I swallowed more because I have ocd and I tend to bite my fingers Help I'm shaking and I'm not sure if it's anxiety but now I feel like I can't swallow
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self.Anxiety
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Dating with depression I feel like I should socialize to try to distract myself from my depression, and maybe date? But I don’t know if I’m capable of enjoying dating when I’m plagued with depression. Thoughts?
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self.depression
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Dad Wasn't Invited To Christmas My dad isn’t dead but he’s not here. For years he’s been in the house but not present. Never happy. Never proud. Never joyful. I spent a lot of time trying to make him happy, just like he did with his own father. I don’t remember his smile. It was never there. Every little mistake was the end of the world but he never said sorry. He never owned up when he was wrong even though he insists we do when we’re wrong.
We go to his sister’s house every year on Christmas Eve. He wasn’t left out of the invites. He just didn’t go. Grandma asks where he is. Every year the answer is the same. He’s at work. He never took a day off for any holiday or birthday. He’d rather be at work. Grandma looked disappointed this year. Deep down she knows how terrible he is.
In the past, Christmas mornings filled me with excitement and dread. I would get excited to see my family open their presents and I would dread dad being dad. Somehow he would pick a fight or get upset over the littlest things. His paranoia would rationalize his outbursts. “You turned the kids against me” is a regular phrase and a knife to my mother’s chest. I don’t know why he’s so angry all the time. One year his hate radiated through the room and I cried because my daughter was old enough to notice. Another Christmas ruined.
So this year, Dad wasn’t invited to Christmas. Mom spent the night on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning was exactly how it should have been for years. Filled with love, joy and excitement.
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self.offmychest
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I wasn't awake to break in the new year. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am in an interracial relationship with, I think, the love of my life. It is scaring me shitless the amount of racist shit we might have to go through. I am a Korean dude and she is my beautiful green-eyed white lady. We met by accident. Despite all my sweating from nervousness, I asked her out and she said yes! We both realized we really liked each other over the years. We were both afraid to ask each other out. Even though we live in "post-racial America", I still faced really derogatory and racist comments growing up here. Now that I am in an interracial relationship, I am so scared what people will say about us being together. Redditors, I truly love this woman and if it means facing this backlash, I will have to bear it.
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self.offmychest
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everybody hates me for a couple years now, i've had this feeling that everybody hates me. from all my friends to acquaintances. sometimes i can think of some reasons why they would hate me and sometimes i can't. i try hard to be a good person that people would like but i can't shake this feeling that i pick up from subtle cues. does anyone else feel this way?
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self.depression
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Thoughts on my past and why I almost committed suicide. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Hobbies , recreational activities are just distractions from the fact that my life is shitty. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Just A Girl In My Building Where I work... I posted this the other day in another thread but I just saw her in the lobby and wanted to tell it again.....
I have a story to tell about co-worker infatuation.
This is a throw away account for obvious reasons.
I work in an office building with 4 other businesses. Probably 60 people work here. We will call the other women Arya just because.
Arya started in the building like 3 years ago and we did not talk at all at first. She is cute and casual so we got to talking about random stuff when we would see each other in the parking lot or main corridor. Overtime our conversations got more and more involved and flirty.
The thing is we are both married.
We started going to lunch and really hanging out to the point that a couple co-workers who I am friends with asked me if there was something going on. I said no and downplayed everything but I was totally infatuated with her.
We did not text at all and kept all correspondence to at work only (Her Idea). I noticed she would start to wait around for me and I also would get up and wander around hoping to run into her.
I kept telling myself I would not cross any lines but kept edging myself by telling myself I was not doing anything wrong.
We talk all the time and go to lunch every day. We were both trying to have kids with our actual spouses at the time so we talked about that. She would show me new bras and panties she bought and it was driving me crazy. We came really close to hooking up when she was nuzzling on my ear at lunch. At the end of the day she stuffed her panties in my back pocket.
I was ridiculously naive and in total denial about what was going on what I was doing.
One day me and my wife got into a massive argument about her Mom moving in with us. She knew it was a dealbreaker and she basically did it anyways. I decided I was going to fuck Arya that moment.
We went to lunch and I kissed her which she reciprocated. I asked if she wanted to meet me after work at a hotel and she yes.
We met up. Had drinks in the lobby. Both us like kids on Christmas about what was about to happen. We went up to the room and made out forever. She has this really cute little bush going. Great everything p to this point. I have never been with a woman that was that "wet"
When we went to actually have sex it was the fucking worse sex ever.
She nagged and complained the entire time. She had these specific positions she liked and it would take forever for them to be exactly right. If I started to lose wood while waiting she insisted on helping me by violently jacking me off.
The millisecond I finished I knew the infatuation was over and I felt awful for cheating on my wife. She felt the same way and told me we weren't sexual compatible because I am selfish and didn't listen.
Just like that we went back to strangers in the night. The only time we have spoken since then is when she told me she was pregnant but that it was her husbands and didn't want me to freak out and cause a scene. Her words not mine. My friends I work with still ask all the time what went on.
I saw her husband and newborn in the lobby one day and all of her co-workers looked at me as I walked by like it was the biggest secret in the building that everyone knew about except this womans husband.
The point of the story is sometimes the infatuation does not match the reality. I almost threw everything away for someone it turns out I didn't really like. She was just not my wife basically.
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self.offmychest
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Feel as if there is no reason to exist I feel as if there is no reason to exist anymore.
Let's just face it, there's no point in me living out this next 50 years of my life if it's just going to be as shitty as it is right now. I'm just going to die anyways, so what differences does it make if I die early or late?
The only reason I'm still alive is because I haven't found a painless way to die
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self.SuicideWatch
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Moving out at 26 and panicky/anxious Hey guys, a little background...I’ve suffered from pretty bad anxiety/depression over the past two years or so. I started a low dose SSRI and started Therapy roughly 1.5 years ago. I’m happy to report that I have learned invaluable coping skills and have really changed my thought patterns for the better.
At the beginning of my episode, my gf and I moved back in with my parents due to multiple circumstances (one being my poor mental health at the time). I don’t have the best relationship with my parents...father is narcissistic and mother is co dependent and emotionally void.
Fast forward 1.5 years and I have gotten engaged to said gf and we are looking for a place in order to move out. I have noticed that I feel a large emotional response at the prospect of this.
My symptoms include feelings of dread, a sense that I am not able to ‘make it’ without my parents, feeling low/unmotivated, and feelings of pointlessness. To sum up, I’m anxious about this whole ordeal and wanted to know if anybody experienced anything similar to this. Sometimes I feel alone in this and have thoughts like ‘why can’t I just move out and get on with my life like everyone else?’ Maybe it’s because it is an end of an era in my life? I can’t be the only one that has these feelings...right? Thanks everyone.
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self.Anxiety
|
Angry Sometimes I do just want to end it all and stop my pain and suffering. But some part of me also feels angry at times. Like why do I have to end my life to end the pain and suffering that others have inflicted on me? And they don’t get consequences for the hurt they’ve caused? I don’t know why I feel this way
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self.SuicideWatch
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I really need help Long: I met my boyfriend when I was 12; we are now 23 . We had a long distance relationship for seven years and then he moved to my city. During the time we were Long distance he did a lot of things to break my trust( nor was I perfect but I did innocent shit like flirting whatever ). Back then when I would try to break up with him he told me he would kill himself . Being naive and young I just took him back because I was scared, as you can imagine this really fucked me up along with all the other things he did to hurt me. He later apologized. Looking back now as a 23 year old , I realize mistakes were to be had being that we were so young and so far apart but that realization didn't stop the pain. Fast forward to my first year in college I was diagnosed with anxiety and later depression; he moved into my city and we moved in together soon after that. Things were going well but he was going back to his old habits of disloyalty ; we were well into adulthood so no excuse . You can say what you want about us being so young and in such a serious relationship , but we both agreed to monogamy . After being what I feel was gas lighted I became very controlling. I began to feel uncomfortable with him around any girl , seeing any half naked girl , etc . I was/ am fucking crazy , I know , but I couldn't help my feelings of distrust and still to this day I can't even though I said I've forgiven him for everything he's done. Now here we are 11 years into our relationship and living together. He now says he has depression and anxiety (has not been diagnosed) but of course I believe him ; as you can guess this makes our relationship 10x more tumultuous. We do not have a healthy relationship at all. Every time we argue he has a melt down screaming on top of his lungs , and saying he's going to kill him self , etc . It's scary and emotionally draining but I know I'm at fault because I push him. My relationship is like that love the way you lie song , I used to think it was cute but it's not. I'm trying so hard to fight my depression but he is really making it hard and i think we're making it hard for each other but if you could possibly try to imagine being with someone for 11 years since middle school , it's a very hard bond to break. I'm not asking for your opinion on who is right or wrong etc. I understand as an adult and a woman that I am wrong as is he . We both have emotionally and mentally abused each other and we're both really fucked up I just need help on what to do from here because this is honestly taking me to the edge where I want to kill myself . Thanks for reading .
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self.depression
|
Guys, I'm having a problem I'm bipolar2. Anxiety disorder.
Also have fibromyalgia and some other chronic disorders.
Here is my story, trying to condense as much as I can because it's long.
Last summer/fall was shitty. I came up on my 5 year disability review. Nobody sent information. Like nobody. So I was declared fit to work and lost my disability and Medicare. I had to readjust all my meds and ended up in the mental health unit. They literally did nothing for me. The one thing I got out of it was a referral to a place with a sliding fee for my psych visits.
Meanwhile, my dad got sick. I lost my job. Then my dad died. Then I got in a car accident. I cracked up and needed inpatient again. Since I've been to the place in my city over a dozen times I tried a new place in another city. It was horrible.
I eventually got my disability back. But I still haven't got my meds straightened out. I've been unemployed for 5 months because I'm working on meds for both psych and pain.
I stay home most days. I do play in some musical groups. So I go out for those sometimes. But I'm having anxiety attacks ALL THE FUCKING TIME. LIKE FOR EVERYTHING. EVEN HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS! I'm missing rehearsals. I'm in bed all the fucking time. My sleep cycles are non-existent. I miss appointments because I forget what day it is.
I do live with my boyfriend. He tries to be supportive. But he's frankly kind of not good at it. Sorry. I love him but he just doesn't support me well.
Lately I think I need help. Like a lot of it. Inpatient. But not like where I go to the hospital down the street for the millionth time and stay for 3-7 days and go home. I want to be somewhere long-term. Where they can change my meds and observe me. Where I get out of bed every morning and go to therapy. Where I have a schedule. Where I can learn and apply coping skills. Where I can either come to terms with the fact that I can't work anymore, or figure out a way to work with my limitations.
Is there such a place? Where I can be hospitalized long-term and get intensive therapy? Because what I'm doing now isn't working.
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self.bipolar
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hate my life and i will never be able to have alife because of my ugly face hello everyone
im a 25 M who has never had a gf
i hate my life because of my ugly face scar which i got from a car accident when i was a child unfortunately this scar would never fade out its really ugly because of its red colour ( im a good looking guy without this scar )
when i walk every one stares at me with a disgusted face
i had only one gf who treated me like shit for 7 months and dumped me
i think life is not for everyone i couldn’t live a normal life for years suffering because of my scar i would never have a gf though:)
sorry for complaining just wanted to let it out
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self.Anxiety
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Death I’ve just taken whatever medication I’ve got in the house, all of my epilepsy medication and my anti depressants and what ever paracetamol I have in the house.
I’ve had enough I’ve lost everything and feel like nothing helps
I’m going to try to sleep now hopefully everything works and I die sleeping, I feel weird and weightless, I’m going to sleep now
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self.SuicideWatch
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"Happy New Year" means nothing to me - every day is the same. [deleted]
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self.depression
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The thing that bothers me most about these suicide posts and all the people who comment is that there is always a reason to not die... I keep reading looking for some sort of answer to motivate life and haven’t found one. I fucking hate life. It’s pointless, people are predatory and perverted.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Having transient amazing experiences makes it worse - you can't miss what you've never had I mostly feel depressed and have no desire to meet or engage with anyone. Last weekend, one of my few remaining friends dragged me to a concert festival. I was so in my element. I was talking to gorgeous women, we brought a few back to the house we rented (nothing sexual happened) but nonetheless it was an amazing experience and we all had a lot of fun. It was the first time in a while where it seemed women responded very well to me. I felt very in control of the social interactions.
The work week was awful as I realized how transient that experience was, and now I am missing it. If I had not done it I would probably be overall happier, but I was completely miserable this week. Even my boss noticed.
It seems like I only have the choice of trying to reproduce that feeling as much as I can or just never do it again, in which case, why even live?
Right now my real life sucks so much though all I do is work and gym about 11 hours a day and can only really focus for about 1-2 hours afterwards on anything else.
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self.depression
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I'm on, I'm off. I'm on, I'm off. I'm on, I'm off. Everyone seems to have their dimmer switch but me. Humans weren't mean to exist in this binary state, but here I am. I cannot advocate for anyone do what I do because there may be yet unforscene consequences but as of now it appears to be working. I have been holding this in for my whole life. I have my found my dimmer switch. When every one else was built with theirs installed already I had to find mine. Humans were not meant to operate in a binary 100% or 0% state. Relaxation and distance from stress is so unnatural to me that to feel pleasure is like seeing the surface of the moon upclose for yourself for the first time. Phencyclidine. From a far away away land of windmills and onions. Ketamine was close but no cigar compared to this. I feel like I have unlocked my true self and I am free. I have lurked here for so long but never posted. Please do not do as I do.
sorry if this is not allowed in this subreddit if I offeneded anyone with anythign I typed please know it was not my intent, I have general anxieyy and high functioning autism so you will probably read this in a frame of mind different than how I intended but that's fine.
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety The Cause of My Sustained High Blood Pressure? I've been struggling with high BP for the better part of a year now after an extreme bout of anxiety that led me to a full hypochondriac breakdown thinking I had a serious medical condition last year. I'm now over the bout of anxiety but have been left with raised BP from it. Readings are typically 130-138/65-75.
I'm extremely muscular and fit - run and workout 6 times a week. Eat clean and healthy
I finally started on BP meds 2 months ago. First, Bystolic - which got me great reading but lowered my heart rate into the 40's. Dr. switched me to Amlodipine (due to the low Heart Rate reading from Bystolic) and it seems my by BP is going up from low 130's to upper 130's systolic. Obviously, this is causing me stress which is not helping the readings.
I'm frustrated as a healthy young male with no family history of high BP. Currently take Paroxetine 20mg for the Anxiety.
Are there any others out there that suffer from high blood pressure as a side-effect of their anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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I can't freaking sleep Whenever i have work the next day I can't sleep and it's making it so challenging. I'm just laying bed stressing about my future, bills, work and other stuff. This is awful.
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self.Anxiety
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Falling/dropping sensation? Floor feels like it falls for a split second . Anyone else with high anxiety feel this ? I was walking backwards earlier for whatever reason, and felt like suddenly that the ground under my right foot fell like a few inches or something. I’ve had weird shit like this before, like the ground feeling like water or whatever. What could be the cause behind this sensation? Anyone else have it?
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self.Anxiety
|
As if suffering from.depression isn't bad enough. 37, male. I'm essentially looked at as a loser because I can't find a job. By pretty much everyone in my family, and my wife's family. Except for my dad. Even my sister thinks so. I'm the stay at home parent, and my wife works. Everyone says if I were to just get a job, we wouldn't struggle. As if it's that easy. I lost my drivers license at 20 (got it at 17), due to my own stupidity. And now impossible to get, won't go into that. I haven't worked since before my daughter was born, she's almost 3. And even if I could manage to land a job, it wouldn't pay much more than minimum wage, I've learned no skills or trades over the years. I know I'm just whining/complaining, at least that's what my wife says. If she were to leave me and take my daughter, that would be the end of the line for me, and I don't necessarily want that, at least as long as my daughter is in my life. I'm at my wits end. Thanks for reading this mess.
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self.depression
|
DAE want to talk yo their therapist about some things,but then you forget about it during the meeting and end up talking a complete different matter instead? [deleted]
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self.depression
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the only existence sadder than being suicidal is being suicidal but with the option of suicide taken away from you because if you were to kill yourself, you would kill someone else too i dont think my mom would be able to survive me dying
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self.SuicideWatch
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I really want to be carefree again. I don't know what to do. I'm doing okay at school. I really, really, want to be carefree again. Just to have, no worries. I look back at my childhood and it makes me really fucking sad, because I enjoyed it so much, and now...
I get really sad and nostalgic when I look back. Like now I remembered all the films that made my childhood, and I get a really weird fucking feeling, and feel sad. Now I can't do the work and shit that I have to do for tomorrow.
Will I ever be carefree again? Or are those days over? My dream is to become a full time twitch streamer. I'm not sure where else to put this. I've gone through 'phases' (if you can call them that) of depression before.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Will I ever be able to hold down a job? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Seriously, who says that kind of thing to a suicidal person? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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A Good Report So I’ve hesitated to post this, because I know how much others with bipolar struggle. But I’m really happy about what’s been going on in my life, so I wanna share.
April 20, 2017 I had my first manic episode. I was hospitalized and even jailed (WRONGLY. THE COP WAS A BAD ONE) during the span of about a month until I stabilized enough to go home. (The charges were completely dropped because they were complete and utter BS). From there it was rocky at the start. I had to relearn how to LIVE.
Fast forward to now and it’s nearly 9 months since my breakdown. I’m thriving at home and at work. Rewind back to when I started treatment: I was put on Lithium and Latuda. The Latuda made me gain weight (an atypical response. It’s SUPPOSED to be weight neutral. 🙄🙄🙄).
My good report is that I am coming off of Latuda. This is all within the confines of my doctors permission. But I have to say I am feeling GREAT. Even my parents noticed how well I have been doing. I have more energy. I am able to actually form and keep habits. I am talking more. I am no longer emotionally numbed. I even have creativity again-which is a huge deal to me.
Due to the possibility of hypomania, I am hesitant to rejoice too soon. But I am paying attention to myself and also have loved ones paying attention as well. I am in good hands. I will be fine no matter what comes up. But I feel like this is genuine euthymia.
I am hopeful that I will completely come off of the med soon. I feel like me again. I don’t want to loose that. And I must be more myself because my own mother keeps commenting that I’m doing so. Much. Better. It makes me glow from within every time she says it.
Anywho hope y’all are doing well! I hope y’all can all come to a med regimen that works for you guys as well as mine does for me.
TLDR: I’m coming off of Latuda and have been experiencing some wonderful euthymia. My family has noticed that I am doing well, and that makes me feel very happy.
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self.bipolar
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You ever find yourself staring at your phone or the ceiling [deleted]
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self.depression
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What are some practical tips for when you feel the “it’s 2pm and I see no reason to get out of bed” coming on daily?
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self.Anxiety
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I Want to Quick My Job of Five Years [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I had a chance to hug a member of the female species today but I didn't take it [removed]
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self.depression
|
I wish I didn’t exist I wish I just die right here and now.
I wish I wasn’t a girl.
I wish people treated me fairly.
I wish I wasn’t such a damn attention seeking brat.
I wish I was older, so people wouldn’t shit on me for my age.
I wish I was older, so people would actually listen.
I wish people weren’t such fucking assholes.
I wish that someone would just end my existence.
I wish I wasn’t such a disappointment.
I wish I didn’t have such a temper.
I wish I wasn’t so rude.
I wish I wasn’t such a liar.
I wish people liked me.
I wish my mother would give a damn and get us to an actual house.
I wish my step father died in his sleep.
I wish I wasn’t such an edgy little child.
I wish I had a purpose.
I wish the world wasn’t so cruel.
I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.
I wish people would just leave me alone.
I wish I was dead
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self.SuicideWatch
|
taking a small step towards getting better by reaching out here, looking for advice or coping skills i posted last night in a different venting subreddit but the one comment that was left on it made me feel stupid so i deleted the post. i'm pathetic
i have been depressed for years and i'm tired of quietly struggling with it because of the guilt i feel when talking to my friends. i can remember being a 6th grader, crying myself to sleep and having anxiety attacks every night and feeling like it would eventually end and i would get better. but here i am, about to close out the first semester of my sophomore year in high school, still unable to say that i am better. anxiety attacks have progressed and evolved into depressive and manic episodes and dissociation/depersonalization that can last for weeks on end. after on and off therapy for years, i can genuinely say that i am sick and i need help.(diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, ocd, depression, and ptsd but not medicated due to issues with my parents). i can barely handle my workload as a high school student, yet i find it almost impossible to say no when i'm asked to do more. i am on the verge of a breakdown. i'm here begging for someone to give me some advice/coping skills before i crack because i don't want to totally lose my mind. i'm known as the funny, bubbly, loud person i am in public but i need someone to see what's really going on. i'm struggling so much but there's nothing i can do about it. i don't have time for therapy between my school work, my extracurriculars, and my two jobs but i need a break. please feel free to leave advice and chat with me. this is hard for me to do, because i've always been the one to hold it together and take care of everyone else. but i am here, asking for help.
thank you in advance,
t-b
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self.depression
|
Force Does anyone else feel this force compelling them to take actions they don't want to? My case is relatively minor, only self-harmed twice with a pretty blunt razor, but both times I just felt this force to do it for no other reason. Like, if you stopped me on my way to the bathroom and asked me why I was going to cut myself I'd never be able to say. I could list what was making me sad but I couldn't say specifically why that lead to me wanting to self-harm
I have felt it before in less severe ways and it's caused me to send these messages pouring all my negative thoughts out which have really harmed my relationships (my best friend pretty much hates me and only just tolerates me now)
I felt that force again today and I ended up writing a suicide note. Hopefully nobody finds it. I don't have any intentions of comitting suicide yet but I still think about it loads. I'm just worried that when it comes down to it I won't be able to have control over it
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self.SuicideWatch
|
People say it'll get better To me that's kinda bullsh*t because it really doesn't get better even at my own will. Life just says "hey you can't have that oh and you can't be happy too" whenever something good happens or when I have high hopes for everything. Kinda why I'm always pessimistic all the time. Don't wanna have high hopes for something that'll be crushed. I hate it when people say something that'll crush my confidence, I'mma be honest I have really poor self-esteem and it's hard to bring that up if everyday people just crushes it! :(
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self.depression
|
Just recently lost everything, and it might be my fault. So to set the stage here if you will, I was living in Indiana with my ex wife (we were fixing things and trying to be back together) and our kids, we have 3 of them together. At the end of November our lease was ending so once september came around we started looking for a new place. Fast forward to November and we haven't been able to find a place, so my wife's friend offered for us to stay with her because she has a very big house and plenty of room. Wife says sure and tells me, and well I wasn't overtly big on the idea, I enjoyed our own space, but whatever I will suck it up. It's almost close to the end of november now and her friend tries telling me that I won't be able to do this and this, and this because I need to spend more time with my kids. This triggers me beyond belief because I do my best to be the best damned dad there ever could be, I spent every waking moment with my kids if I didn't have to work. SO when I am alone with my wife, I literally go into rant mode calling her friend a bitch, how dare she say this and that and I go on cause I have a sailor's mouth. SO she proceeds to tell her friend all of this, and now she's like well fuck him hes not welcomed here ( i was not told that she did this ofcourse). Fast foward and it is literally like Nov 27 now, I worked 10am to 10pm, I am dead exhausted just wanting to come home and crash. I unlock the door and well there's nothing, or no one home. My house has been emptied, and my family is gone, no note, no nothing, I'm just like wtf is going on? I call her and say "uh wtf yo?" her reply?? "you burnt the bridges, I can't fix this for you" I say "wtf are you talking about?" "she says well i told her what you said and now you're not welcomed here, you're gonna have to find somewhere else" So right now I am furious, because like wtf? you told her our private conversation!? So she left me alone, in a house that I have to clean up, by myself, with nowhere to go, and our lease is up in a few days. She than has the nerve to get mad at me, for getting mad at her for doing that! Like wtf? So after saying good bye to my kids (literally almost killed me and broke me down) I am now currently in vegas trying to rebuild my life. This whole ordeal has broken me, I am just lost, and I am emotionally just done with everything. I just want my kids back =/ also she does have full custody which also sucks. I am working on trying to get a job, but I'm just done. If it weren't for my kids, I'm sure I'd a put a bullet in my head by now.
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self.depression
|
I don’t know if I have anxiety, so I wanted to ask you guys. I feel extremely worried about things that usually never happen (i.e not doing something and getting kicked out my recently accepted into high school), and I sometimes end up getting bummed out, or even crying when I get worried. I feel like I just worry too much and I really just am looking for an excuse, but I never want to let down my parents, as they only want the best for me, and I don’t want to be a disappointment to them.
TL;DR: Worry about dumb stuff too much that almost doesn’t ever happen.
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self.Anxiety
|
Depression: "JUST BE CONFIDENT :D, Mania "What? We didn't mean to stop letting us walk all over you!" I just want to be a hermit and live alone
I'm too poor to be a hermit and live alone
I fucking hate living with people
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self.bipolar
|
I'm so stupid, I'm here busting my head off, thinking about this girl who works next to me, yet she probably doenst give 2 fucks about me..
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self.depression
|
I hate myself I am a little drunk so bear with me. I've been suicidal for pretty close to 4 years now, and I hate every second of it. I can't keep a job because even the smallest amount of responsibility drives me into full blown psychosis (I'm a paranoid schizophrenic). I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist; I have been for 6 months now for the therapist and 4 years for the psychiatrist. The only reason I don't go grab my mossberg and blow my brains out is because I would hate to do that to my family, friends, and boyfriend. But I'm starting to not care about that anymore. I just want to die. I'm so tired of it all. "It gets better!" Well it hasn't for 4 years. It's just gotten worse. I'm a deadbeat who dropped out of school and can't keep a job. I had a bright future but now I just hate myself. I hate everything about me. I'm just gonna keep drinking this rum until I run out or pass out, whichever comes first. Wish me luck.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why am I fighting these thoughts? I don't really have anything going for me right now. I don't work, I'm not in school (I will be in January, though), I have no friends that I can hang out with in my state, I can't do anything right. So why am I still fighting to be here? Sometimes I think, more like I know I won't make it until January. I mess everything in my life up. I feel like I am nothing. I dont really know why im writing this, i just needed to let everything out. i just dont know if i want to hold on and fight anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hiding Pain From My Best Friend. I've always been an open person, about many things, who I am, where I come from, what I enjoy doing, and the lots. I can talk about the world, from a stranger to my best friend, but, I never talk about my depression/suicidal tendencies or the negative aspects of myself. In fact, I've never talked to anyone about it (with the exception of a professional in a different country secretly, and, this subreddit), and I fucking hate it, I live in a country where mental illnesses/difficulties are taboo and you can get shunned for it, I come from a somewhat religious family who would probably kill me for thinking about suicide before I even think about it (And that's without me hiding that I'm gay and an atheist in a country where being an apostate and a homosexual can you get a death sentence). It feels fucking impossible to live the way I am here, I can't even talk to my best fucking friend about it because of the fear of losing a friendship due to him being pressured, or me being a burden on him. I want to tell him, I want to break the silence but I can't, it's a can of worms I don't feel comfortable opening. One of these days, I feel like he'll somehow find out, or I'll be forced into telling him. And it puts me in the situation of 'Do I just potentially risk the friendship by telling him, or do I just stay silent about it until I'm backed into a corner?'.
As for my family? No fucking way would I tell them, but my best friend?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Jumping with fear randomly when falling asleep I’ll (19/M) randomly jump with fear and “spaz out” when I’m falling asleep and It happens quite a lot don’t really know what it is.
Sometimes I’ll have the feeling of being locked in my own head when I’m again falling asleep and I can’t get out and I panic and try and wake up.
Anyone shed some light?
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self.Anxiety
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This morning anxiety is killing me :( I've been on cipralex (lexapro) for my anxiety disorder for 13 days, and I'm still only taking 5mg. Im supposed to up to 10mg soon but I'm nervous about it. For the past few weeks, I've been having really vivid dreams, sometimes nightmares, but either way, I wake up at 6 or 7am every morning in a sweat, and have anxiety and racing thoughts so bad that I can't go to sleep without taking an Ativan. It's got to the point where I'm nervous to go to sleep, because I know whats waiting the following morning. What's wrong with me? I really hope that the Cipralex will start working soon. I really miss feeling normal. I miss falling into bed and waking up the following morning ready for my day. Im really scared.
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self.Anxiety
|
Why do people tell you to reach out to friends or family? I get that the idea is supposed to be to get a support network. To get people to know you're struggling. But this has been poor advice for me at the least.
I opened up to my best friend about it and she stopped talking to me. I told my immediate family about it, and now it's all anyone wants to talk about when I'm around. Not to mention my mom telling me she's to good to have a child with depression. Apparently she's better than that.
I wish I had never told anyone. I wish I had just killed myself instead of asking my friend for help. I'm just trying to pick myself up right now, but it hurts and every day is a gamble on if I'll make some progress or fall back into the abyss.
I'm sick of my mom posting about my problems on Facebook. I asked her not to tell people and it ended up on her Facebook wall. Random friends of hers who I have never even met have called me to ask me how I'm doing. I just want it to stop. Anything is better than this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Pre workout UPDATE: did around 4 miles on a track in the heat, I think I burned off anything that could have triggered mania. But that was a good workout.
Tried pre workout this morning. Heard it can trigger mania. Wish me luck, y’all!
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self.bipolar
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The "mental fog" that makes you question your intelligence... One of the strongest symptoms of my anxiety is a sort of mental fog that makes me forget things I should easily remember... like words I've used commonly in the past, certain facts or things I learned in school, names I should remember, etc.
For example, I talk to myself regularly when I'm alone. I vocally express my thoughts. It helps to get them out. But lately when I'm having these private monologues, I spend more time thinking of a particular word I'm looking for than completing a thought. In turn, this gets me thinking that I'm losing my mind, and it spirals.
It can be really discouraging for me to think back to a college class (for example) and not remember a single thing I learned (even though it was only a few months back). But then, at times, I can clearly remember the things I want to. It's such a strange phenomenon; one that brings me down quite often lately.
If anyone has similar experiences with this, I'd appreciate reading them. Thanks!
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self.Anxiety
|
Subconsciously sucking in my stomach? I don't know if this is the correct sub to post and ask this, but I recently noticed that I always have my stomach sucked in.
Maybe its become a habit because I want to appear thinner, or because I don't want to make a lot of noise when I breathe because I don't have the confidence to breathe full breaths of air. But I think its even making my voice soft, unable to project and be loud.
Anyone else have similar experiences?
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self.Anxiety
|
My workaholic parents should never have had me. I wish I was never born. All this, my entire life story, has weighed on me for so long. I've never told anyone the full thing.
Both my parents had high-level, demanding jobs. They were also misers to the extreme.
They never really wanted marry. They never wanted a kid. But they did both anyway, because they think that's just what you're supposed to do.
I never saw them. They'd leave at 6am, if both of them were home at all. There was always at least one of them there at night, but they weren't exactly in the mood to have anything to do with me.
Primary school me was never left at home while they were off working. I was always carted around to after-school care and private tutor programs and advanced learning shit. (On another heartfelt note, fuck kumon.)
I always came home at around 6pm, my parents would arrive soon after, and I'd eat dinner alone in our nice dining room while the both of them were off in their own corners of the house doing their work on computers.
I didn't thrive very well as a child. I have never learned motivation. The professional disconnect between me and the teachers/childcare workers made sure I never get attached to any mentor figure. I had no friends because no one would drive me to other kid's houses, and no one wanted to go to my house because there was no one there.
My parents just chalked it up to me being stupid, and gave up early on. It got to the point where teachers were worried that I was developmentally disabled, and recommended that my parents take me to a psychiatrist. My parents intended to, but never got around to it.
No holidays or extracurriculars for me. I'd be 'wasting money'. My parents, though wealthy, were extremely miserly. They'd agonise over every cent, never wanting to spend anything unless it was absolutely necessary for survival, academia, or work. They stopped funding after school tutorial programs when I reached 12, to stop wasting money.
My teenage years were spent completely alone. Growing up with no friends meant that I was shunned. My parents were never well-liked in my community. I'd go home, go on the computer, and make internet friends instead.
I was exposed to the worst of humanity on the internet, with no one to find out or care. I still feel uneasy about sex because of all the things I saw at age 13-16; all the gore and snuff. I had such a morbid interest in death and suicide, I wanted to be those bodies so much.
Nowadays I work full time at a boring job, 6 days a week, with only the internet to greet me when I get home. I spend my days disconnected from the world and numb, just robotically going through the motions.
My parents left me the house. If only it had went to someone worthy instead.
My few friends from high school all work insane hours and have little spare time for me anymore.
I'm petrified of success. I'm petrified of being twisted into a suit-and-tie Gollum consumed by career goals. I'm scared that the few things I love right now will be eaten up by work if I dare pursue anything other than mediocrity.
I'm terrified of sex and intimacy. The thought makes my skin crawl. The things I've seen are always associated with sex to me. I'm scared that I'll lure some poor person in, only for me to freak out when I feel intimate touch for the first time. I'm scared that they might hurt me like the women and men in those pornos got hurt. I'm scared that I might hurt them, too. I'm scared of my sadistic side, twisted and ruined into something dark and unhealthy by unsupervised internet use.
I'm scared to leave the numb haze I'm in. But more than that, I'm scared of it continuing. I just want it all to end. I hope that soon I will have the courage to end myself.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety is through the roof The last couple of weeks my anxiety has been horrible. Almost every half hour or so, i have a panic attack where i just feel worthless and depressed. I don't know how i can keep on going. I feel like everything around me is gigantic and overwhelming and I don't know how to get out of this funk.
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self.depression
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Tonight was a bad night It’s currently 6am and I have being crying and pacing up and down my room all night. I’m ready to pass out. I hope your night was better than mine.
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self.depression
|
what to do when i Have new OCD Themes I have OCD and I'm currently not in therapy- I don't do ERP or anything. I was currently in therapy for CBT but thats about it.
Here are some new things that I do
* Convinced that I have a brain tumor so I google the symptoms repeatedly and watch videos. I stayed up until 1 AM one night just looking at the symptoms. I'm still very convinced/fearful.
* Fear of germs: never had this fear before, used to be fine, but then I had this health scare where I thought I had the flu, so now I walk around with gloves on when having to open doors and stuff.
* No idea how to explain this one but I fear if Im like around someone who was a former drug addict, alcoholic or homeless or whatever, I will somehow get infected by them and end up like them. As a result, I try to stray away from these people and I end up feeling really bad.
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self.Anxiety
|
Is there anyone who has had a shitty life but still managed to not be a failure? Feeling pretty hopeless right now. By shitty I mean growing up in different countries, sometimes in civil wars, eventually moving to the US with a household income half of the poverty line.
Having no family by the time you're 18 and being homeless because of it.
Then getting into an ivy league school but being put on academic probation almost immediately, nobody wanting to give you an internship despite close to 100 applications every season, constantly stressing about where you will live over the summer, how you will build up credit to be able to rent an apartment if you do manage to graduate
On top of that having psychotic breaks and memory gaps because your head is fucked up from living
has anyone managed to not be a failure?
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self.depression
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I've made up my mind and going through with suicide I'm gonna hang myself tomorrow. I haven't told any friends or family how I feel because I don't want anybody to get in my way. It's better for all of us this way. I have rope, a location, and a stool that I can stand up on. I'm gonna do this tomorrow and nobody will stop me. Goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I believe a bad break up I had 7 years ago was the trigger for my now anxiety
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone recovered from Depression and Social Anxiety but lost interest in Life/Living? When I was struggling from depression, Social anxiety etc, I had a goal to get out if and to recover from it. Now that I have, I don't have interest in anything. Like there's nothing I look forward to anymore and nothing motivates me. I am an artist but just can't bring myself to draw at all. I am not even interested in it. I am not interested in anything...also did I mention that nothing interests me anymore?
I feel like I exhausted all of my energy during my depression period and don't have any of it left to finally start living normally. How do I fix this?
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self.Anxiety
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Anxiety or Depression? I've been asking myself for the past 3 years if I have anxiety or not. I always thought that the symptoms I had were normal, but recently I'm starting to question it more. I know I'm not depressed but sometimes the only thing I'll do all day is sit at the computer with my guitar when I have important school work to do. I eventually finish my work, but at the last minute. When I try to do it early on, my mind just races with thoughts and makes it difficult to concentrate. It also affects my sleep but I've been trying to work on that.
Another thing is that people say I'm physically too tense, and that I need to relax my muscles more. However, it's uncomfortable for me to be relaxed all the time if that makes sense. I'm not sure if I can fix that. I'm also talking to myself more, but I think everyone does that. Occasionally a certain event from the past pops in my mind and I dwell on it for a few minutes. Not the same event, just whatever comes up. I'm also stuck in a rut where, as I stated above, most of my time is spent at my desk. I don't really keep my room up to par anymore, and my desk is always a mess now. I have friends, but I'm taking a break from them as they all smoke pot and that's really all they do when I'm there. It used to be fun, but now it's just getting tired. However, I do go out sometimes to jam with one of them.
The thoughts affect my sleep. Lately I've been going to bed at around 10:30, but not falling asleep until an around an hour afterwards. I used to put on netflix or youtube so I could have something to distract myself with due to the thoughts, but to no avail. I can expand on the racing thoughts, but I'm probably gonna sound insane.
I really wanna know your guy's thoughts on this. I'm too scared to talk to my parents about this so my plan was to go see someone once I go to college. Thanks
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self.depression
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was moving out on your own a changing point in your life? My situation right now is pretty hectic in my head but in reality most anybody else would be fine.. ive really fought my anxiety by seeing a therapist and fucking just getting out there and it helped me land my first real job and my next goal is passing my road test in a few days.. Its like the only way i can attempt this shit is just to bunker down and hit it head on with fake confidence.. I hate this, it just stems from how uncomfortable and unconfident i am with my decision making.. i want to be the dude who has an organized fucking room and wakes up at 8am sharp and goes out and gets shit done.. Are those people even real? I get home at work at 5pm and go in my messy ass rooom like just listen to sad music and try to chill until like 1am when i can force myself to sleep.. Life shouldn't be like this right? i have a ton of friends but i dont think they really get my living situation.. i envy any of my friends who live with people and have good times because all ive known in my household is anger and sadness and being a mean human.. Like no wonder im 20 years old and figuring out all this shit.. I was drunk at my friends house and had this crazy like realization in a way that holy shit this house and his family are normal and i feel more happy here then ive ever felt at my own home.
long story short; Has anybody realized that living with they're parents just wasnt cutting it and they needed OUT if they were gonna survive and prosper.. Nobody deserves to be around people who just make you suicidal lol Moving to a dorm and attempting college again is something i might look into.. its the only logical idea i can think of to leave. My friends and me want to go to california for 8 days in january and im seriously debating on going but just STAYING there instead because i couldnt live with myself if i came back here... blah rant over <3 hope you guys figure everything out
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self.Anxiety
|
Depression I've been dealing with depression since I was around 11-12. So about 13 years. I'm just tired of it. There's been ups and downs. But I have no one. No friends or family to rely on. I can't even remember the last time I was actually happy. I'm going no where. And I'm tired of it. I don't want to be here anymore.
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self.depression
|
I was given a copy of Albert Camus's novella "The Stranger" a long time ago by an English teacher in high school. She said the novel's protagonist reminded her of me. Having read the novel a couple times and looking back on the whole conversation, I can't help but feel horrified. She was the first to know something was really wrong.
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self.bipolar
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I'm the biggest piece of shit Today this girl invited me to her home to make out and cuddle, so I went and we were there in her bed for a couple hours. Things got hot from time to time, all was good, but she started mentioning she had a mild headache and didn't put much effort into it anymore. I didn't give it that much of an importance and kept going. It wasn't much, just making out and touching, nothing too far into sex.
Thing is, when I left she texted me saying she didn't wanna see me again. That she didn't have a headache and she just wanted me to stop at all but I didn't do it. She hates my guts profoundly.
I've always hated myself but this is a whole new layer. First thing I did when I got home was puke and cry for hours. I wish I didn't do anything that day. I hate myself. I shouldn't ever have been born so she wouldn't have to had gone through that. I've always had my fair amount of suicidal idealization but this is the first time I actually have the drive to kill myself. Am I a rapist for that? If I am then I really really should be dead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why live if I'm not going to make it? I'm 21, trying to graduate college, and not doing so well... I keep failing classes because I just don't care and the thought of pushing myself makes me break down because I feel like I'm already at a breaking point with my depression, my loneliness, my whole mind. If I'm this bad at college, and I keep hearing people talking about life after... Even lonelier, slim to no chance of getting a sufficiently paying job let alone doing something meaningful... I can imagine how much I'm inevitably going to fail at being an adult. My relationship with my parents has a lot of pain, so either move in with them and deal with that on top of it all, or keep struggling on my own... I've pulled myself back from ending it all more times than I can count, on the hope that maybe I missed something, maybe there's something worth living for that can promise the future will be better. But what if there isn't? What if life is as good as it's gonna get in childhood (mine wasn't too good) and just goes downhill after that?
I just spent my entire day lying in bed not doing anything I care about... I don't want to give up. I really don't want to give up. But I don't know what to do because it seems like everything good is falling away from me one by one. And it's not coming back, not being replaced. I'm so alone. And I don't think I can ever get better than this. No, I'm sure of it. All that's left for me is how much pain I can tolerate. That's no way to live. Please, someone tell me otherwise. Tell me I missed something. Please.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Life is a dream, but not in a good way. I honestly don't know how to feel anymore. I feel like there was a point in life where everything felt real but now it feels like everything I do is automatic. I don't feel like I have depression because I still get happy moments but they fade so fast. Honestly it scares me sometimes how the world literally does not feel real to me, like I've lost touch with reality. I never really felt it until I got high for the first time a few months ago. I have no clue how but I actually tripped. Like I was scared out of my mind, I felt like I was falling in and out of reality and i saw the sky as orange and a black fog around me and nothing has felt real since. It was just weed and I know for a fact that it wasnt laced as a friend grew it. I've smoked more weed since then and never had that feeling again tho. I also lost an abusive gf, and I was rejected 3 times since then and because of a fight in my friend group, I lost my best friend. The only "good" thing to come out of it is I now have a platonic friend who I can like kiss and stuff(ik It sounds childish) but it only makes me hurt more. I'm tired of feeling like Im not a whole person without an SO and I'm tired of feeling like life isn't real. I actually feel bad for typing this to you all but I don't know who else to talk to. Sometimes it really hurts when my friends tell me they like me or think I'm good because I know they're lying. I can see the truth from strangers in my school. I know I'm not wantable but no one wants to tell me that. I'm sorry.
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self.offmychest
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I thought it would get better in high school. So its been over 2 months since I started high school and I thought “finally i can have friends that care about me and i could live happy for the rest of my adolescence hood” but no, I’m still the same pathetic loser from middle school.
No one thinks I’m depressed and considered suicide in the past because when I’m at school, i talk to quite of few different people. In the morning, classes, lunch etc. And I’m not depressed when I’m at school. I feel a little happy that other kids talk to me.
But when i get home i get so lonely. The weekends are a living hell at this point. All i do is sit in front of the tv not accomplishing anything and i feel so pathetic. I’ve reached out to numerous subs seeking help on how to be more social but nothing has worked. Maybe I’m destined to be a piece of shit but idk.
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self.depression
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I can’t go to work anymore She was there, led me on, made me feel good about myself then I find out shes with another dude from work, I can’t go there without it affecting my mental health. I need to quit but I don’t have the courage, plus the money is decent. I can’t ignore them both and everytime I see her feelings come back. I’m pathetic I know but it’s the truth. I can’t take it anymore. Even when they are not there it’s a constant reminder. Please convince me to quit I need advice.
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self.depression
|
Bipolar Bears If anyone is in crisis, and doesn't have an account that's 30 days old, there's a really good group on Facebook called "Bipolar Bears". Yeah, I know Facebook is a dirty word to some here in Reddit, but the group is a friendly place where you don't have to have had an account for 30 days just to participate in the community. Just saying!
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self.bipolar
|
I now know I'll never have a relationship with my crush Throw away because of anxiety
Well, how should I say this? I've known this one guy for a while now and he's cute, funny, just a perfect type of person I'd wish to be in a relationship with.
But let's skip right to the point alright?
While I was playing monopoly with him along with our group of friends at his house (I also wanted to make a move on him tonight) so I decide to ask everyone where do they see themselves in the next 40+ years. Skipping again to him he spews this: "Me? definitely not married with anyone, I'd rather be a success than have sex."
I feel rejected even though I wasn't even in a relationship with him. I get that crushes aren't always suppose to work out but this is going to be a long emotional trip on getting over him. I thought there was something between him and me 😢
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self.depression
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Seriously, I posted a new profile pic on fb and only my grandma aunt and cousin liked it. Apparently I'm just a nobody to all my 100+ fb friends. I have no clue what's wrong with me. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else a disappointment to their parents? And lives with them? It sucks
edit once again I make a post here hoping people disagree but nope I'm sorry guys. My parents are actually a disappointment to me as well their bad decisions affected me a lot.
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self.depression
|
I went on a nice date. What do I do now? So I went on a date recently. It was a quick one, but we had fun. In the end, I hugged her and was too chicken to kiss her on the cheek (I haven't done dating in many many years). But after we turned around, I turned my head back and she did too.
So I feel like she is out of my league. However she knew me before and still went out with me. I hope it wasn't pity...She's really nice so I could see that just as well. And it being a date is implied. (Most of them are right?)
Now I don't know what to do. What to say. I don't see her regularly, but really would like to see her again. I don't go out much, most of the time I am busy or just anxious at home. So I am afraid I would be seriously awkward in a social setting, maybe with friends of hers and so on.
I don't have any. I don't have a social life at all. There is nothing. She casually asked me if she was taking the right bus to a class reunion and I just said "uh....yeah, sounds about right". I take the bike everywhere and didn't even know the destination, which seemed to be somewhat popular.
I have a joke about something we talked about which would go nicely with telling her I had a good time and ask her if she wants to do something like this again.
On the other hand, I am very much so afraid of rejection. Since the date, and with the last eye contact in mind, I start seeing things through a little happier lens (Anxiety and Depression go well with each other...) And I am seriously considering not taking much initiative just to protect myself and that little wave I am riding right now.
It's reasonable...I could gamble for happiness and win or at least grow as a person a little more, which obviously is what I would want. But I am afraid to lose that little bit I have ~~one~~ won, which seems to be more likely.
What do you think? I don't want to chicken out. But I don't know how I react to getting hurt.
edit: I think I have to tell her, but take my time doing it. Even if I lose, I grow as a person. I don't want to stay alone, I really shouldn't miss that chance to learn how to change it.
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self.Anxiety
|
Why I think self care is BS Buy a face mask, do your nails, take long baths with some bath bombs, burn some candles...most (I'd say a good 85%) of the self care posts I have read involve me having to purchase some kind of product. I feel like that would make me regress, as far as spending a ton of money on useless shit that would make me *feel better* for maybe ten minutes. Am I the only person who feels this way?
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self.bipolar
|
I tried but no one even noticed it. It happened 2.5 years ago. Back story: I was diagnosed with ADHD(how original) 6 years ago while i was in Uni. Since that day started to use my "serious" medicines. It was short and long release adheral like medicines. I haven't been fine for last 6 years. Almost every week thought of doing it. But every time my written DNA forced me to remember how many people would be affected. And than one night popped some long release pills. Grabbed hand full and swallowed washed them down with some beer. It was at night time. You know how i did it? I tricked my brain to it was just a "drug that would not kill me". Pills started kick in my heart was pounding hands were shaking. But best thing was ideas were coming and going soo fast. Like in the movie limitless. Tried to calm my self to sleep but no it wasn't possible. In the morning went to local hospital were our family doctors was working. She saw me and said " what did you do" i told her everything. She was trying to call an ambulance. But i didn't want it. I was really clear and confident. Told her that my friends were waiting outside. They were going to take me to hospital. There wasn't any friends. I don't know why but I called my abusive gf. She panicked and put me into taxi and we went to emergency service. They washed my stomach and nothing happened of course it was 8 hours ago. Also made me drink apple juice with coal inside. Told doctors that i took only 3 pills there wasn't anything big. Asked them to write rapport to work that says food poisoning and they did. I know it all sounds fake and fiction but where i live this things can happen easily. Noone wants to do their jobs so you can manipulate them to choose easier way to do it. And than nothing happened no one knew what i did, even myself.
At this day i realized i really tried suicide. But you know what nothing has changed I am still a misfit that don't gets the purpose of so many things. I wrote this thing to remind my self and share with all of you.
P.s: I am not a native speaker, so please excuse my writing and structure of it. I know it sucks :)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I found what I love, but I lost what I want. Help please! Hi. I found this subreddit a few minutes ago. I am INFP, so, I have fear, I am nervous, people around me says carpe diem, live and enjoy but I can't. People says find job, but I dont know what I want. I love the occupations or fields which are 90% of INFPs love too, but why I lost in this life around people? When I am going to do something my chest and heart start to feel something heavy, nervousness, hesitations... I am 23 years old but I don't remember when I truly felt happy, and slept comfortable. I am hopeless romantic and in relations I am terrible. Girls love my writing, thought, poems, the ability to explain feelings very poetical way. But still I don't fall in love with someone. Will it continue like that untill my 70s? I completely lost. I feel lifeless body and mind. Do you, dear friend, do you know how I can find my path in this life? How can I put goal and acheive it? How can I refuse regrets about past experiences? How can I overcome the hard choice of my life? I need white page with huge positive belief. Where I am going I dont know. I wanted to be psychologist, then I tried to writing, i draw good images, I love to make movies or take photographs, I love playing piano, I love to discuss philosophical and metaphysical topics and inspire people, I love to create digital stuff related Graphic design, I love to work on websites but I do all of them by jumping one to another and I am distracted. I coudnt choose one. I know I write about problems you already faced before, but I hope you will help me or show me how can I live this life which truly make me happy and lead to bring awesome contributions.
Write your opinions please, I will appreciate all of them. (My English is poor, sorry for it)
I seriously need help. Therefore I posted this in 3 subreddit. Sorry if it is looked like spam.
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self.Anxiety
|
Too much serotonins in muh brain! Had anyone dealt with serotonin syndrome?
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self.bipolar
|
Housebound- anxiety doesn’t let me leave Is anyone else like this? I don’t work, the only time I usually leave the house is at night time or maybe once a week if that for some food. Other than that I sleep and am glued to the couch. I am stuck in this vicious cycle. I am filled with anxiety pretty much all the time.
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self.Anxiety
|
What's wrong with suicide? I think i will soon be homeless. Why? Because i am chronically ill and unable to work and get a good education. And i think my parents will kick me out soon or later. Why not just kill yourself if you are unable to contribute to the "society"? If you are going soon to be homeless? And then freeze or starve to death?
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self.depression
|
I am doing it, I am confessing to my chrush [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I don't know what to say or what I want I am schizophrnic or however is written in english, having also depression, anxiety and sleep problems derivated all from schizo. I have been studying because I have a great mind for programming and I have an unpaid job as part of finishing my studies (like, I do X hours of unpaid job and count as I learned to do real jobs). I already done this twice and this is the third. I already know how the real world works but laws make me have to attend again because I'm working on a supposedly different career (I was system and network admin and now I'm programmer). Ok for now, all is "ok" (aside from feeling used by the state and the companies). I tried to suicide multiple times, one recently with Diazepam OD. I've been to psychologist and psychiatrist and I've done everything possible to be ok, but I still don't have enough strength to attend job. Maybe some day soon (yesterday I went to work) but today I didn't go and I don't feel ok going tomorrow, but my family screams at me and blame me for everything bad I do and they only care about the title (the paper they give to me at the end of the courses saying I can apply for X job). Nobody cares about my health and nobody will care, but I can't go tomorrow. I can wake up at 5am, I can stay at a screen programming for 10 hours straight, but I can't get out of my room for more than 2 hours. I am loosing friends because of not going out with them too. I've been making my job from home but tomorrow they need me there for some important things. Until now, not going to work meaned I would stay home and work the required hours through a terminal and work would be finished, but since last week they need me there, and yesterday we didn't have enough time to finish the thing they need me for so I must go there or job will be stop. I cant go there. If I go I'll puke and faint and feel horrible when I wake up, knowing there are more hours left at that horrible place outside my home, but if I stay I'll have my family screaming at me and I'd have also regrets for not doing my job (regrets are the least of my problems).
It's 20:05pm here now, I think I'm going to take a bunch of my sleeping pills and pass the problem to the future me. I'm going to wake up dazed, confused and with hell on home because of screamings and hell outside because my fear of going outside. Fuck the future me, and fuck the past me for doing this, but my mind can't stand more of this torture.
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self.depression
|
Anyone get anxiety from theaters? I love music and plays and so I often want to go see them live. But theaters seem to trigger panic attacks all the time, especially if I'm on the balcony or an upper tier. It's the same thing for arenas and other venues as well. I just get this feeling of claustrophobia and that I'm being closed in. Usually, sitting on an edge seat on the end of an aisle helps but that is not always possible. I also get dizzy like I'm about to fall.
Has anyone else dealt with this before? If so, do you have any advice to cope because I really want to be able to see shows without dread...
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self.Anxiety
|
İ am losing my mind... İ dont know how i can endure this bullshit ...
İam 21 and suffered almost every stage of my life , things are not going on my way , worst thing is everyone hates me even my family too . They think iam a failure.
İam an university student but my grades like an rotten apple on the tree... i have no motivation or energy. And dont have a girlfriend still virgin . Why i should keep up for nothing ?, for more suffer ? or more failure ?
İ just want peace , love and some money...
İ know there is still some hope but i tired keep fighting it is pointless , i hate it i just want some victory . İ am looking for a gun but it is hard to access on my country . İ just dont want hurt anymore... it is enough. İf people interested in motivational videos please watch
(Why we choose suicide Mark Henic) it relaxed me one bit . İ need your prays too
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is it a bad idea to be in a relationship now? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Is there anyone on here who has actually managed to overcome depression? I just wondered if anyone had any tips. I've got bipolar 2 rapid cycling and I'm SO SO sick of it
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self.bipolar
|
Instead of committing suicide today I chose to go on a hike with my dogs I’ve been battling suicide ideation for as long as I can remember. During the holidays it’s especially awful. My anxiety lately has been excruciatingly intense, hence why I am not participating in thanksgiving with my overbearing family. This morning I woke up from an awful nightmare and felt the urge to end my life. Instead at 4 am I took my dogs and drove to the mountains. We did a hike that I used to love.
If my ideation turns into plans I WILL go to my local hospital. I always have a bag packed just in case. Suicide isn’t the answer or the solution.
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self.bipolar
|
I really need help to save someone Im not sure if this is the best place, but a friend of mine contacted me that another friend send him a text which seems to be a suicide note. So far he isn't responding and neither i or my other friend know what we should do, since we only know him over steam, no personal information, nothing.
- https://pastebin.com/q0ALYfQT
His Steam bio also sounds frightening to me and his profile pic is from a band called "Death Grips".
http://steamcommunity.com/id/MidnighteNat
>I don't know where to go
>And no one else seems to know.
>What if my reason for living is to find my reason to live?
>How are you going to trust somebody when you don't trust yourself?
>Cause you satisfy my heart
>Even though we'll fall apart
>Why get a dog? It's just gonna die
>Everything you love's just gonna leave you one day
>And that's just real shit he can still spit
>But what's the point?
>I said a lot of stupid stuff
>I think that I was growin' up
I just want to prevent someones death.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How did this happen? Literally 5 months ago, I was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I had a good group of friends, a girl interested in me, and no school to worry about. Now, all my friends hang out without me, on purpose, that same girl hasn't talked to me in 2 months, and my grades are falling by the minute. My life has been on a downward spiral and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
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self.depression
|
I think i need help I'm a 24 year old guy who is feeling useless.
I have zero real friends. I think mostly because i can't really open up. Probably because of the bullying i suffered when i was young. I have never had a real relanshionship with a girl.
I've always been an introvert and shy. I completly lost contact with friends from school.
I didn't finnish high school, i found a job in a retail company and i've been there for 4 years.
4 years now and i feel like i'm in the same place although i had great feedback from my work.
I'm trying to finish high school and intend to procceed with studying but i don't see the point. I will probably just get a better job or better position.
Sometimes i get invited by coworkers to grab a drink, or a coffee. Or a company dinner. I try to go always, to fight this loneliness, to make a friend. But i always feel like i'm ignored. I feel like if i wasn't there, nobody would even notice.
I have a sister, wich i'm really close to. But she's working out of the country and o think she found someone for her. I should be happy for her, and i am. But i only feel like that will make me even more lonely.
I joined Tinder a few weeks and i was able to find someone who could hold a conversation. I found her so cute and nice. I asked her out. We had one date. I honestly had fun. She messaged me right away if i got home safely. She said she had fun, i said i wanted to set up another date. She agreed. But she said due to work and college she couldn't meet me again for the next 2 weeks. We kept messaging each other. She said she noted i was insecure and said i had no reason to be so. She said she found me cute, smart and funny.
I felt great. Sounded like i could had found someone.
She started to slowly fade. She started to take a lot of time to reply. I acted cool. I understood she was busy.
Time to set the second date came and she said the day. Suddendly she stopped replying to me. Not only not replying but didn't open my message. The day came i sent a message saying that i assumed She wasn't interested in date me anymore and wishing She was good.
Still no message or opened it. I feel completly ignored and lied to.
I feel like i shouldn't even met this girl. Just left me even more depressed cause it got me thinking in my life as a whole.
I have nothing to look forward to. I don't feel like doing nothing. I don't feel like gaming, or watching a movie. I'm not even hungry.
I feel like something in me as held me back my entire life. I try to fight it, i really do but never seem to make progress. I think i only matter for my parents. I feel like if i died, nobody would miss me besides my parents.
I just feel like crying and totally depressed.
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self.depression
|
I hate myself so much All this improvement, all this theory, all this reading and I still can’t approach people. All I do is think about how nervous I get when I try to start a conversation and I lock up. Even a girl looking at me like she’s interested, I can’t do anything about it.
I can’t believe I just let these opportunities fall through my fingers and I provide excuses every time. I’m scared that’s it. There is no excuse. I think she’ll reject me, I think that I’ll have nothing to say, I just think too much. I hate myself so much.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm... not feeling to hot. I'm failing everyone. My parents, my son, everyone.
They'd be sad but is one day of sadness worse than a lifetime of a failure coming up short?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like my heart is going to explode [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
The ''YOLO'' and ''Live life to the fullest'' ideas are bullshit and dishonest in their presentation. Here's some reasons why. The first bullshit thing about these corny quotes is that they come with a sort of unspoken rule. What's the rule? Well, it's basically this: You have to do extroverted activities for it to qualify as living life to the fullest. You can't sit around. Even though, technically, if that's what you wanted to do, you could say that's living your life to the fullest. If that's what you wanted to do, right? Wrong. The people who believe in YOLO and Live life to the fullest are primarily extroverts that want others to act like idiots with them. Partying, sleeping around, drugs, whatever. As long as you're out of the house acting like an idiot you're living life to the fullest. Rock climbing and skydiving qualify as well. Whoever came up with these ideas is definitely not an introvert. And it excludes introverted people. Primarily because introverts wouldn't usually find those ideas fun and joyful. So if you like to play video games or just sit alone in your room making music or whatever it is you wanna do, you are a loser and not living life to the fullest. Even though, technically you'd be more ''YOLO'' because you aren't giving a shit what others think about it and are doing what makes you happy.
&nbsp;
Second bullshit thing about these two ideas is: they're actually detrimental to your health and well being in the long term. ''YOLO'' literally might shorten your lifespan. So, it's actually anti-life in a way. Skydiving can cause death. Reckless drinking and drug use can deteriorate a person's health over time leading to various health problems and diseases. These people using these quotes don't actually value life at all. They do things constantly that are not good for them. It would make more sense to protect and nourish your life at all costs if you were truly living to the fullest. Right..? You'd respect that your actions have bad consequences on your own life and be able to see that it's stupid if you truly loved life.
&nbsp;
The third and final reason it's bullshit is it's likely to create dumb kids when people who believe in this stuff elope together. I mean, a child born to people who actually believe in this ideology is doomed to be a moron.
Thanks for reading homeboys and homegirls.
|
self.offmychest
|
The only person to say Happy New Year to me was.... My ex. We were friends up until Dec. 30th but I got tired of her and everything she's been pulling (even when she said she cared) so I stopped texting her completely and decided to leave her in 2017.....
She was literally the only person who care enough (besides my family) to text me Happy New Years :( I felt like crying man 🤕 damn
I do kinda miss her now but if I go back to her then I know she'll still pull the same shit , even though she said she'd change, because people never change
Edit: Also I'm not 13 or 15 years old as my username may suggest lol, just for reference
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self.offmychest
|
I feel sick. I don’t cry anymore. I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to do anything. Work keeps me getting up everyday. Without it I would probably stare at my ceiling until I passed back out again. I’m so tired. I don’t know if there’s a question in this. There just isn’t anyone else to tell it to.
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self.depression
|
If you could tell any one person one thing right now what would it be?
|
self.depression
|
I found a fetish by mistake, and now I wish I didn’t. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Ehh WARNING THIS POST HAS NO GRAMMER AND THE WHOLE THING GOES OFF TRACK. It's time to be edgy as the cool kids like to say. Maybe. What the fuck am I even doing here? This post is mistake probably like a lot of you reading this. Even me hah. Enjoy!
I know this shouldn't be something I worry about. I'm in high school. I don't hand in my homework or I won't do it at all. In my math class, I haven't passed a single quiz that is given every Friday. I just look at the things on my desk or what's on the board. When I'm at home I stare at it. Some days I want to do it but I just shut down. I can't control it anymore. A part of me is trying to get out of it. I just sit there and stare at nothing. I've had this problem for so long. It's getting worse. If I see something that I don't understand I feel like absolute shit. It starts with one thing. I don't get this so I start to think "you can't do anything right. Your friends are so much better than you. Oh look they lost weight. Oh wow, they have straight A's. Oh, they can talk with ease. They don't care about what people think of them. I get so jealous I just joke around and tell them I hate them or some shit. Some days I'm just joking around. Other days I want to say so much. I hate myself because of it. One friend looks at my grades or sees's something I'm embarrassed about and says "oh honey". I know it sounds so stupid for me to be so emotional about it. I'm lectured by them every single day. "If you have that attitude you won't do anything in life." I do complain a lot but I don't have that many people to vent to. It's all my fault I'm like this. I just want to yell "Fuck off. I'm sorry that not everyone likes like you. I'm sorry that I'm not smart. I'm sorry that I don't have a positive outlook on life. I know what's fucking out there. I'm sorry that I don't like my father. I'm sorry that I grew up walking on eggshells when I was around him. I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything when he was addicted to painkillers. I'm sorry that I'm not athletic. I'm sorry that I fucking hat everything about my appearance. I know I look in the mirror a lot. I know I take too long looking at myself. You don't have anything wrong with your body. I'm sorry that I hate myself." I joke about serious things because I don't know any way else to cope. I joke around saying I'm going to drop out. I joke around saying that I'm killing myself by the time anything matters. By this point, I say it so often that it's normal. Sometimes I feel that way. I'm scared that I won't go anywhere in life. I want to go somewhere in life. I know that I'm not good enough to do anything. It's also hard thinking that after spending 6 months in a mental health facility I would be better by now. At least there I lost 15 pounds in about 2 or 3 months. Now I'm back to hating my body. I was cutting and shit when I was 11. I didn't know why I wanted to kill myself back then. I still don't to do this day. Or my other friend asks why I wear the same clothes every day. I want to say the truth but I end up saying "I want to be a cartoon character". Buying clothes has always made me hate myself even more and I can get panic attacks or break down when I get home. When I buy clothes it has to hide all of the things I hate about my body. I refuse to wear just a t-shirt anymore. I won't go outside with our wearing a hoodie. Not a zipper hoodie though. It has to be a pullover. I don't wear bright colors. It draws too much attention. I won't wear shorts unless it's in my own house. I hate this. It just rules my life now. I see things that I want to wear but I won't because it will give me anxiety. It's also new clothing so I don't know how it will look throughout the day and not just in my room. Now I'm starting to chew and spit out my food. Really gross. I already know this. Often times I just won't eat. I want to get better but at the same time, I've always been like this. I mean at least my bipolar disorder is getting better. But man oh man does my social anxiety disorder makes me want to fucking shave off all my hair and become the next Disney star gone wild. My mind if jumbled mess so this might not make any sense. But I guess just spewing profanities helps anyone. Fuck, Fuck, and Fuck.
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self.offmychest
|
Is it possible to find romance/love while depressed? I'm a 27 yr old with the dating experience of a teenager (3 relationships total, longest 6 months). I've always had bad social anxiety and mild/moderate depression since I've been interested in the opposite sex. My depression has recently worsened due to a range of things including past relationships/loneliness, moving back in with my parents due to a failed job opportunity, and otherwise just having no real direction in life.
But the first thing is huge. I obviously have good days and have been able to find small things that make me happy in the past, but I've never been able to go to bed truly happy without thinking I have the affection of a woman. It also doesn't help talking to friends bc literally ALL of my close friends are either married or settled down in serious relationships. And talking to my parents about it is not only awkward, but both of my parents are divorced and still single. I also don't think I would do well with one night stands, being that I fall for just about every girl who shows me any attention whatsoever.
I feel like on one hand, even if I could muster up the courage to go out and meet women, I would still fail miserably bc I have nothing going for me. I can't imagine a girl being charmed by a guy in his late 20's who lives at home, has no real direction in life, and has a few boring hobbies.
If the answer to the titled question is just a flat-out "no," then the obvious answer is to not go out and meet women right now, but to work on myself (right?). In that case, I think it's fair to say that it's gonna be a long process, but how do I shut off (for quite a while, probably) my constant need to feel loved and the obvious primal, sexual urges that all humans get? (Masturbation stopped helping years ago) Because when the vast majority of my day to day thoughts are about dwelling on failed relationships and either gaining the affection of a woman or re-gaining the affection of a past one, it feels impossible to forget about that for a seemingly long time and just go "work out" or whatever.
|
self.depression
|
Hospital time You don’t realise how bad you’ve gotten until your psychologist and doctor both agree you need to be admitted to a hospital.
I guess it shows how bad my head has become if I think my life, actions and behaviour are “normal” but I’m being told they clearly aren’t 🙃
And not just by my doctors, but my friends too.
|
self.depression
|
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