text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Too scared to die I don't want to kill myself but I feel like it needs to be done. I'm so fucking pathetic and I don't deserve to be living if I'm just going to be a waste of fucking space. Im so damn scared and alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’ve been having trouble falling asleep for the past two weeks or so. Convinced it’s Insomnia. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Everything hurts. And it is so lonely. I'm feeling depressed as hell.
And I don't know how to make it better.
I don't handle pain well. Tempted to kill myself.
I need someone to talk to.
I feel like I need an adult, even though I am an adult.
|
self.bipolar
|
Freedom when in my car. I was wondering if anyone else ever felt like this when they were just driving to school, work, home, anywhere really. Like I just have my music blasting while driving and all my anxiety and depressive thoughts go away. Just for a couple of minutes I feel as if I have a fresh breath of air and that everything will work itself out.
|
self.depression
|
I believe that compliments are said just for satisfaction towards self When some one tells me, "You're pretty" or any other comment when it's clearly a lie, I'm pretty sure they say that for their own satisfaction. I find it understandable because, who wants to say an ugly truth that will make them feel bad for hurting someone else? But it's still a problem in daily lives, you don't know who actually appreciates you.
|
self.depression
|
Bipolar and Shift Work...thoughts please Hi i understand that its not the best idea to work shifts like a 2 day ,then 2 over night then 4 days off. But i need to do this for my job. If i stay on my lithium and use other drugs as needed like sleeping pills or antipsychotics to make sure i sleep after backshifts i think ill be fine. Keep in mind i will be very carful of getting the rest is need and that after the 2 backshift i will have 4 days off. So in total of 8 days only 2 of them i will be working overnight.
Also keep in mind that i have been working a 6am start shift every second week and 10am the next week for 5 years and get up at 5am for that somtimes after only 4 or 5 hours sleep and have done fine.
It seems to be mostly getting stressed and not taking meds drinking too much coffee or drinks that has cause me problems in the past
Thoughts please
|
self.bipolar
|
Trying to kill myself really helped me with my depression... Now, I still have depression, I don't think that's ever going to stop being a thing. I still hate myself... but I used to want to kill myself, I mean I thought about it like every 5 minutes for years, I would involuntarily say I wish I was dead whenever I was alone (still do but not as much), and mime blowing my brains out with my hand as the gun. I'd cut. I turned on people that loved me and said horrible things that will haunt me when those people pass, especially my Dad (it seems early late teens - early 20s is a common age so he got the most of it). I had no real reasons for being as depressed as I was except a drug addiction, an aggressive, hands on policeman for a father (due to drug addiction), and, like most millennial's, was raised with unrealistic expectations of reality.
One day I finally tried it. I got a belt, tied it to the metal post in my closet, tested my weight, tied it around my neck, dropped. As I felt myself passing out it all came to me... really, This is gonna be my life? Hanging myself in a closet at 22 before l give life a real chance? Dad's gonna come back to find his legacy gone, will probably kill himself like he always said he would if anything happened to me? Friends are gonna feel like they were worthless in my eyes because I'd rather take infinite darkness then spend another day with them? What a pathetic story that is. And I'm really taking infinite darkness over living? No worrying about my future, no pain of existing when life is meaningless, no constant struggle being the person I am, no feeling worthless, no bad days, no good days, no crying with laughter, no love, no cumming, no frisson. Nothing. That sounds so fucking boring.
I still have all those feelings. I still know how worthless life is, I'm not that much better off now than I was then, but I will never try to kill myself again, it is quite literally better than nothing. At least for people who've had as little happen to them as I have. When I was at my worst my Dad would say 'you're a long time dead' and I wouldn't give a fuck, that's what I wanted, but now it's literally the best way of putting it. Now, when I see people who're my age when I was at my worst I really want to say this to them, but obviously I can't. I've never been able to voice this opinion to anyone until now, which is the only reason I'm posting this... it isn't because I'm recommending it to you lot, either. This was just kind of cathartic. I'll be very shocked if I don't get so much abuse due to my shitty writing. I just needed to say it.
|
self.depression
|
I keep saying "I want to kill myself". Do you too? I might feel a little off, and even though I don't mean it, I might think to myself or lowly whisper "I want to kill myself", shit of that nature. I've had suicidal tendencies in the past, but never actually did anything (as in I never attempted suicide). I might have some bullshit like recurrent brief depression, because some weeks I'm fine and then the depression just hits me with the certainty of truth, and I want to fucking die.
How weird is it to think like this? I feel like a fucking lunatic.
|
self.depression
|
making strides towards overcoming my fear of abandonment I'd say for atleast 5 years of my life, I've convinced myself that I have no friends and any form of social contact was because of pity. I convinced myself I was only invited to hang out with people because they were just being nice. For so long, I've kept to myself because I was so afraid that if I tried to make plans with people that they would eventually disconnect me from their life. I've only recently learned otherwise when I was drinking with a few friends, and one brought up how I never talked to anyone and told me I could hang out with him whenever.
Not entirely sure if he said that because I said something emotional, I was too drunk. But it made something in me snap. I realized that I was lying to myself for so long. I always told myself that I was just that guy that tagged along sometimes, but that's only true because I never talked to anyone, they just talked to me.
So I've been more active socially. I've been hanging out with people more often, and honestly it feels like I've been released from jail (I've never been in jail or anything legal related).
|
self.Anxiety
|
being extroverted and a virgin hurts i'm a guy. i have never had sex. it's not for religious reasons. i've had girlfriends, and i'm pretty confident that i'm not asexual. i've never pursued sex, and on the occasions that i've come close, i held off out of discomfort.
i don't really know how to describe how i feel. i'm not ashamed, per se, but i'm definitely not forthcoming about this with people, because people like to make you feel bad about this. it's satisfying, i guess.
i'm not THAT awkward - i have friends, and acquaintances. i love being around people and making friends. it's just that everyone seems to talk about sex eventually, whether it's the first time you meet them or the hundredth time you hang out with them. my lack of experience on the subject inevitably shows. once every few months someone will put 2 and 2 together and figure it out. "you're not still a virgin, are you?" - that's always how they put it. i'm 24. i've gotten this my entire life from peers, but also people older than me. 40-year-olds and 50-year-olds have squinted at me and asked if i'm a virgin. i sigh, and come up with some excuse, or brush it off, or whatever - because, seriously, how do you proudly own being an over-20 male virgin? and every time they follow up with "well, there's nothing wrong with that. that's fine. hey, really, don't sweat it..."
"sex isn't not a big deal" rings false too. it's not a big deal, and yet it's the one topic EVERYONE talks about. not just gross dudebros. it's kind of soul-crushing when quiet or artsy or weird people bring up sex because it really drives home that it's just blase for *everyone* in *all walks of life*.
i'm not bitter...i don't feel like anyone owes me sex. i'm not an incel. i don't divide the world up into "chads" or "staceys". but it's obvious that there's a huge stigma against male virgins. they're seen as weirdoes and misogynistic creeps. so it rings completely false when people say "it's totally normal" because the vast majority of people clearly don't see it that way.
i'm just sad. i'm really fucking sad about it. it feels bad not being involved in such a basic aspect of human interaction. i won't have kids. i have hobbies, but i love *people* so much more than those hobbies. no hobby will replace or even really supplement human interaction for me. and it just hurts so bad to be reminded that i'm never going to have this one basic thing in common with anyone.
|
self.offmychest
|
I hope you are doing okay.. I know we went our separate ways but there hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of you. I saw your tweet. It's been almost 5 months now.. Last time we stopped talking we got together. I can't help but think about it over and over in my head. Please don't think I forgot.. I want to see you shine.. you deserve all the love in the world. I hate seeing you self loathing. I wish i could hug you...
|
self.offmychest
|
Father going to prison and being deported In January 2017 my father was arrested for having child pornography on his computer. I had just relocated to live with my now husband, so I thankfully wasn't there to see it all go down. Unfortunately my younger brother (21) was. I'm so torn up over it. My mother was an emotional/physical abusive alcoholic while I was growing up and my father ended up getting custody of my brother and I because of it. She only recently just got help, but we still don't really have a relationship. My father was my best friend and was always there for me. Now I feel like I don't even know him. I guess he started collecting/watching it when he divorced my mother, which was eight years ago. I feel so disgusted. And I feel so bad for his girlfriend who he's been with for 5 years. I'm now back on Prozac (stopped taking it when I was 17) because I've been having dark thoughts, not wanting to leave bed, and bad anxiety attacks. My father isn't an American citizen, so after his prison sentence he will be deported. I'm not sure if there's any subs that are good for talking about this kind of thing, but I'm pretty depressed, so this sub seemed like the right one to post to.
|
self.depression
|
I've just felt numb today I've recently been going through a slump, I just haven't been very emotional lately and now it is the school holidays. It started a few weeks ago and I have just sort of hit a plateau. Today I have felt nothing about the things that I've done.
I've felt no pleasure in consuming media, I've had no energy to even get out of bed, I've felt that my stomach is empty but I haven't been felt any urge to eat or drink, I've been indifferent to any stimulus. I have eaten and drunk because I understand that I'll probably be unwell if I don't do those things, but I didn't feel like eating and forcing myself to eat and drink almost made me throw up.
In this sort of state, it's hard to tell what kind she of things are good or bad, but I want other people's opinions. I've heard that not feeling anything is a bad thing, but I don't really mind, at lead time I'm not bored at all. I've spent almost all of today in my room with my door closed staring into space or at my wall.
So you find being numb to be a bad thing? Is this something that I should be keeping an eye on?
|
self.depression
|
I tried calling a suicide hotline to have someone talk me out of killing myself but the guy said "do what's best for you." And I know what's best for me. He also didn't understand my problems at all. It was a shit talk. I want to do it even more, now.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what to do with my life Sorry for my poor english, my english skills are what i assimilated through reading.
I'm a 18yo male, my whole life i've been struggling in socializing, making friends and always felt like i was worse than everyone, that everything that i did was wrong, and now, i'm just tired of my life style, i can barely keep with this.
I just don't see any value on myself, i dumped my gf a month ago bc i felt that things didn't work out and i grew an interest a girl 4 years younger than me (ikr, it's kinda creepy and gross lol) even if i'll never talk to her due to my shitty self esteem (i thought of myself as the ugliest, shittiest, pathetic human beign in the world, literally, i'm too self-conscious of myself) and i don't even want to bother her with my existence anyways.
My "friends" haven't even talked to me after vacations started, and i just stare at the PC the whole day watching anime, doramas, listening to music, playing League of Legends or downloading Indie Japanese erotic visual novels (i actually know a bit of Japanese, but dropped bc depression and anxiety striked when i was learning by myself grammar and around 300 kanji which i've already forgot like 60%), coping with the loneliness after my break-up has been hard as fuck too and at the end of the day i sigh and wonder how long this shitty daily life will continue, i just hate my life, my face, my body, my personality, i hate everything of myself, there is not even a thing that i actually like of myself, i don't have the will to do anything too, i can't even cry, i can't even feel pleasure doing anything including masturbating (lol), i'm empty, i'm fucking pathetic, my 14yo brother is better in every aspect than me i'm just a shitty version of him lol, i hate my existence i hate this life, is there even anyone that is equally pathethic as me? lol, i just wanted a normal life, with a normal social life, with people that care for me, with a good personality, with a normal appareance, without this shitty daily life...
|
self.depression
|
How do I help my S.O. so she can overcome her social anxiety? My S.O. has been skipping every gym class for a few weeks now. She always used excuses like being too tired or claiming it was only a theory class, meaning she could do everything home.
After the third skipping, she promised me to go to every gym class from now on, a promise she only kept for a single class.
I knew something was up, so I bugged her, once angrily claiming she was just lazy, until she broke down crying and explained to me that she feared being judged by everyone in her gym class, since she isn't the most athletic.
Now that I finally understood, I felt guilty of trying to force her into going back, and calling her lazy. So I'm not saying anything right now. She can't control it and she doesn't seem to know how to improve, or if she even wants to improve.
Skipping these gym classes will severely affect her global mark (we are in college). She wants to go to uni, but she might never go there if she can't bring herself to gym classes (which are mandatory to get our diploma)
I do not have social anxiety, so I don't understand how she feels and I don't know how to approach the problem.
Where do I start? I feel so powerless in this situation.
For information, she also doesn't make any doctor appointements (her mom does it for her) and can't order pizza because talking to strangers on the phone makes her too anxious. She does work in public as a cashier, though, and has very few social problems.
Thank you, Reddit. I need your help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just feel really alone and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
have any of you with cyclothymia been prescribed latuda? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I Just Want To Talk To People; What Am I doing Wrong? Hey everyone
I have a lot of trouble getting past the acquaintance stage with people. Despite the fact I'm in university, I never seem to get classmates' numbers, grab a coffee, hang out in dorms, or socialize with others outside of pre-booked activities (like classes).
I've tried just about everything I can think of. I've joined different clubs at school relating to my hobbies. I try to speak to people in & outside classes. I've been told numerous times that there's no obvious social faux-pas I'm committing (bad dress/hygiene as an example). I have several decent hobbies, I'm in shape, I think I'm well put together. What gives?
As a bit of backstory/reference
I suffered from a fair bit of bullying & social isolation in middle school, which led to me (several years later) being diagnosed with moderate/severe social anxiety. I've had a therapist, been on medication, tried CBT, etc.. since. This anxiety makes it much harder for me to "put myself out there", even when doing so is just going to a new club or asking a classmate out for a coffee. Almost more importantly, it has made me seemingly unable to see subtle social clues. I recognize emotions and feelings; if someone loves/hates me, is passionate about something, is being sarcastic, etc... But it's the smaller cues that I do not see or (what I think happens much more often) I don't react to. My best guess is I try to hide my feelings/look nervous, which leads to people think I'm not interested in carrying on conversation/getting their #/whatever.
The ironic part is, love talking to people. I'll talk for hours with people about just about anything. Even if the conversation's one-sided. Listening to someone complain about their job or their term papers or their relationship; anything.
The other ironic part is; when I'm forced into social situations, I'm fine. Last summer I was volunteering in another continent for 10 days with guys/girls my age, and I hit it off with them. I was perfectly fine in conversation/daily activities with them, and we still keep in contact via WhatsApp. I'm even going to meet up with a few of them this summer.
Anyways, what tips/advice can you give me? How can I get over this hump? Another school year has come and gone, yet I feel like my progress has been minimal. PMs are welcome.
Cheers
P.S. Sorry if my formatting/grammar is shite; I'm currently on mobile.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I had my very first serious suicidal thought yesterday after being ''ok'' for months So, it's been months since the last I felt like shit. The only thing that kept me bothering me was my lack of motivation for doing anything. You see, I study medicine and it definitely need me to study like everyday, it's just I can't find the mental strength to overcome procrastination... I got a test tomorrow and yesterday I spent my whole morning playing some MOBA, it got me so frustrated that I came to realize that no matter what I do, I just lack strength to overcome this situation. It may seem trivial, but for me, being 'better than anyone, and Improve my flaws' is like, really important, and because of this vicious circle in which my depression want me to do nothing, and by doing nothing I get more depressed, I chose to kill myself yesterday. I've been depressed for like 3 years and not even one time I'd thought seriously about commiting suicide until yesterday. My father's a doctor so I kinda have some meds with me on my room. Due to I'm also study medicine, I know that any of those meds wouldn't help me to a 100% death. I don't live with my parents since 4 years ago, and I tried to call my father to make him give me some Clonazepam (since He sometimes suggested it to me to help me a bit), but I just couldn't. I don't want to suffer any kind of suffering while dying, so looking up I found the Carbon Monoxide method, and I think I'll give it a try.
Yeah, I leave some kind of tldr because I really need you guys to read me :(
tl;dr I've never been suicidal during my depression until yesterday. It all started because of my extreme procrastination, I don't feel worthy or useful anymore. I don't like myself. But I want to live... I think so.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
To my childhood friend We met when I was 14 and you were 13. I always noticed you walking home from the shops, and we would occasionally say "Hey" or pass a smile to each other, either of us couldn't really gather enough courage to say more then "hey" to each other, probably cause both of us were really shy. It took me a few months till I had enough courage to say something to you but when we finally had an actual conversation with each other, it was like I wasn't shy to talk to you anymore. I'd like to think it was the same for you. From that day every time we saw each other we would have little conversations, at least we were saying more then just "Hey" to each other. We would ask each other how our day has been and what we've been up to. Eventually we started hanging out with each other, walking around the neighbourhood and just having conversations about school and where you wanted to do once high school ended, I never really wanted to think about it, cause I really liked school, you didn't. Other times we'd have awkward conversations about things like "Alien dicks" and "Sex in space" it would normally result in us laughing our asses off. I miss those conversations, I miss you. Ive tried messaging you through facebook, I'd like to hope you're really busy and aren't ignoring me. Cause you were my only friend, and I'd like to hang out with you again one day and have another awkward conversation.
|
self.offmychest
|
What do you look for in a psychologist/psychiatrist? And what expectations/attitudes/mentalities do you bring to appointments? I want to get the most out of this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Painted Smiles A smile. A smile, oh that token of life I masquerade, that veiled attempt at postured happiness. I cringe at my smile. How can people think its real? Not the shape, nor the look, but the sentiment. I rarely smile from pleasure, or at anything good. Can people not see my despair, or the sadness behind my mask?
I drop the facade when I’m out of view. The pain and disgust creep in like blackened fingers rummaging through the dark. Once they latch on, the pain erupts like a geyser; held back only momentarily by socializing. Now its return are like the trumpets of heaven, exploding in a torrent of agony.
I’m immediately annihilated, drowning and gasping for air. The ringing causes the knots in my neck to undulate, flicking my head side-to-side, like some malicious puppeteer. Then suddenly, silence.
Calm. My default state, my core programming. My comfortable annihilation, brought on by the rejection of myself, and an acceptance of circumstance. I slip behind my eyes and become numb, the only way I know to stay alive.
|
self.depression
|
“Came out” to my Christian parents as an agnostic... went WORSE than expected. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
*Potential trigger* Suicide isn't selfish. I know this isn't true of everyone, but is for me and a few people I know.
Ignorant people always say suicide or suicidal thoughts are selfish, but a thought occurred the other day.
Probably the only reason why I'm still here is because of other people. I don't care whether I live or die, but I worry what my actions will do to those close to me.
Every time I look into my mother's eyes, I can't begin to imagine what pain I will put her in when I succeed.
Not sure if I misunderstood the meaning of selfish, but what I just described isn't selfish.
|
self.depression
|
I resent the fact that exercise is given as a cure for depression It feels like I am some lab rat that must 'work' my body to make my brain produce chemicals in perpetuity just to stave of my default state of suicidality.
No other illness have it like that, so if I'm not exercising then somehow I need to have that as part of my treatment. Going to the gym is hard enough let alone it having to be a permanent form of rehabilitation.
I resent exercises, I resent being told if I don't exercise I'll be depressed or if I'm not exercising that's why I'm depressed and lazy for not doing it.
|
self.depression
|
Problems with distraction and compulsive eating? I've been trying to work all day today, but I'm finding myself very distracted. I can't get started. I keep mindlessly opening new webpages and watching videos and just not doing what I need to.
I've also noticed that I keep eating. I'm not hungry, but I keep getting food.
What can I do to stop eating/reading/watching and start working?
|
self.bipolar
|
Could caffeine pills help/are they safe? I got up at seven PM today, had some breakfast a denny's and did a little shopping. For me this is a busy day. Already I'm so exhausted I know nothing will help. Except in the past I've had some notable success with caffeine pills. I'm on the fence about trying them again since I don't want to end up even more tolerant to caffeine, but it might be worth it to feel alive again.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else have random mental tangents when under a lot of stress? I was doing math work with my dad who was adamant about me finishing it even though neither of us understood it. Usually he doesn't care about school, and I rarely have math, or any homework, and hasn't sat down with me and my homework in probably 7 years. After a bunch of yelling, arguments, and accusations my mind started racing. I thought that i should go upstairs and shoot myself because I would rather do that than the problems that might as well be in French. It was this random fit of frustration, feeling of hostility, and itrationality. It was this feeling of I can't do this, I can't, I can't I can't. I wanted to escape and just run away.I know the last part may sound childish but I can't describe it in any other way.
I am not suicidal and don't even own a gun. Is there a name for this? Why am I going through this? If it helps I'm 17, ADHD, OCD, ODD and I think I may have anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
words/images/thoughts/sounds/whatever stuck in head Title. They make me anxious unceasingly. I constantly mumble incoherently to distract me from them briefly.
The main issue is that I have to interrupt my own speech very frequently for a few seconds each time, to distract myself. Sometimes the pauses last entire minutes.
Does anyone have this problem, and how I would fix it?
Throwaway account, as you can see by the name.
I'm 16 and in the UK, if it helps.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Another ended love story.... Ive been going through a lot lately. But i met a new friend on facebook and we met up in public. When i saw him walking towards me my heart skipped a beat. He looked so bizarre in a unzipped brown sweater with the sleeves rolled up and fingerless gloves. His hair was spiked up like a rooster and he had glasses on. But despite all this he was just so handsome and classy and refined. So smart too. Well needless to say we hit if off. The next day we met up again and somehow endes up kissing. Then i started crying telling him about my sister and how i was a uses piece of tissue. And he just held me and it was too sweet. The next day we met up again and i slept over and cuddled. The next day he made love to me amd he was just so gentle and sweet and loving it makes me cry. I broke up with him and now its over. I just am too scared of these emotions in my heart because its so gard to trust anyone. Even if i do learn how to trust eventually it will b impossible to ever get him back and thats what i regret even tho it was all my fault.
|
self.offmychest
|
So suicidal Basically I had too high expectations in life, and I achieved nothing.
I wasn't raised properly to become a big achiever. All I had was fantasies inspired by movies.
now I am in my early 30's. No point in anything anymore.
Lost all hope.
And I don't enjoy any outside activities which makes it worse. So even if I was among people I don't enjoy the time.
I can just as good give up
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
About 1300 words long: Letter to online 'ex' (closeted gays) I wish I had the courage to say to you that I don’t know what I feel because I don’t. One-minute I’m so close to loving you and the other I could only run away from you because I didn’t feel like you were mine. When you’re gone, I feel so empty but when I’m with you so hesitant. I sometimes act like I like you so much and can get deliberately clingy. Sometimes I used to let your silence poison me and when I was about to lose you, I kept you. I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, was a person that I never thought I’d be. Even if the details you left out were so small, they were lies. Lies that meant so much to me and I think you knew it. I think you knew that I was a scared boy who just needed that attention and did want it from you. You always must victimise yourself – you know that I wouldn’t spend 3 months chatting to you almost every day with a few breaks only to tell you at the end all I wanted was your body. You can’t possibly believe that that’s the truth. I know you’ve had shit done to you in the past, but you knew I was begging for an escape from feeling afraid. I never wanted an escape from you. I was nervous but excited to meet you. You never liked me, did you? At times, it felt like you were setting me up to hurt you and I wouldn’t usually budge. You always made out that I wanted you for your body but what about the times when all you could talk about was the way you wanted me to have sex with you. What about those huh? When things started to advance, you were the one who got scared – you knew exactly how I was going to react, I always showed the signs of the way I deal with things. Sometimes, I think you set me up. Other times I think I played you. I honestly do not know what to think what happened. A part of me still wants you, you’re the guy who listened. I think you are everything you claim to hate. You’re controlling but don’t see it. You’re interested in sex a lot but don’t see it. You’re heartless but don’t see it. Most of all you are a fucking liar. I felt bad for pretending to be this sexy ass guy trying to entice you (I did it more than once, but it revealed a lot about you). I felt like a psychopath. I still do. However, the minute details you twisted, the minute details that were so precious to me made the lies even bigger. When did you ever say you were going to leave? Why did you forget to mention the real reason I admitted I really liked you was because I was jealous of some guy I encouraged you get? Oh yeah you forgot about those bits didn’t you. About the parts where I would help you through your hopeless love life and give you motivational strength. Where I would encourage you to talk about all your problems and try and give you the best advice. You forgot about the time where I tried to shake up a troll for you. Why am I the villain here? Also, you handily forgot my situation didn’t you. Sorry we can’t all be so good at being a secretive gay as you. You knew exactly what you were walking into. I don’t know whether I feel sorry for you or I feel sorry for me anymore. Even after saying all that, why do I still want you so badly when you’re not even all that. You don’t have the (and I hate myself for being so fucking shallow here when I’m no masterpiece myself at all) looks. Your personality is so whiny. You’re so tragic and you’re a type of manipulator. You make me so petty, so ashamed of myself and I’ve done extreme things that I thought I was incapable of. The worst part is although I’m ashamed, I still found immense pleasure giving you those horrible threats. I’m a horrific person I know but it takes two. I am not a villain nor am I a hero. I am a human being. I could write so many pages more. Worst thing is you’ll never know I wrote this about you because I know that I’m going to go back to you in a few weeks/months and beg that you forgive me because I’m so sad that despite everything, I still want to you in my life, still want to finally meet you. I’ve never physically met you and you’re in my head so much. You helped me get over a guy I was madly in love with – now I think you could be the one I could potentially love. Oh, that is if you’re not so deeply in love with your ‘foreign guy’ who I encouraged you to talk to. On that, remember when I first left – it had been only a few days and you told me you loved me. I snapped you out of it but maybe that craziness never left. Maybe it’s because you and I are more alike than you would ever admit. Comparing me to your evil vindictive abusive ex was really hurtful. I really am sorry for the way that I treated you. I don’t even think you’re the one. Why do I still want you so bad? I’ve written a private essay about you – you’d be so horrified at the thought of being exposed. Don’t worry I can do nothing anyway. I’m sorry that you’ll never know that it was me that gave you those empty threats to expose you to your family (I don't even know where you live) although I would like to add that I never said I would kill you (where did you even get that from!?) contrary to what you said to one my many alter-egos. I’m not justifying it, but I would never have gone through with it and it came out of a place of fear. Sometimes I wish you never existed but then I think, I would never have got to know the excellent parts of you. Maybe one day everything is going to fall in place with you. I keep thinking of ways to round this up but in truth, I can’t - I've missed so much out. There is so much more I can say and want to say but I won’t. I don’t wish you all the best. I don’t wish you good luck. Because if I did that would be wishing for you that I was never a part of your life. I know that this is so whiney just for a virtual crush (not even sure that’s what you are to me) but maybe that show’s how brilliant you are. Besides you always were one for the soppy bullshit. I don’t think I’ll ever receive closure but writing this has helped me blow off so much steam. I don’t want to be a monster. Maybe someone will read this and tell me what the fuck I have to do with my life. I guess I’ll find out. I’d like to thank you, I may like to hate or hate to like you, but you did make me happy even if it was sometimes to your detriment. I hope you find peace and gain the confidence you deserve. I hope that you tell the real truth and not blip out or slightly edit those little details that actually change everything. I hope that one day I will make you happy. Whether that’s by not being in your life and leaving you alone from now or if it’s in our very own flat making love and just staring into the sun hand in hand, I just want you to be happy no matter what. For now, bye.
|
self.offmychest
|
Broken childhood. Broken men. But change.. Many thanks to all the beautiful people that spend some time to read this text. I am really thankful to you gifting me with your precious time.
I can't take this shit anymore, I sense that I won't get anywhere near my dreams if I can't change myself in certain ways, but I just can't fight myself enough to change my fate. I FUCKING HATE THAT. I am a fucking dreamer, dreaming about this and that, achieving this and that, a self diagnosed unsuccessful narcissist. Thats why most of the sentences are introduced with a "I". Unsuccessful narcissists are the worst kind of people, lowkey losers that dream about what they wan,t but don't go any further, they feel like they've achieved anything just by dreaming. I think thats why I subconsciously hate myself. But I don't have any money for a therapist, so I gotta figure something out on my own.
But, I am aware of it, all of it, the fact who I am- and want that change. I just don't know, where to start.. I struggle making friends and drifted away in the pickup world, because I thought all the problems would go away if I get better with girls, the love they can share, the love I daydream about most of the time. Even tho I imagine them more in a superficial way.. With that, there was a slightly change.. I found somebody, a wingman, turned out as a best friend, but I slowly realised, that he had his own scars and didn't consider anything more than what he wanted for his own gain. So I cut off the contact, because I sensed that he would drive me in a wrong direction in a long term with all that manipulation and my naive nature. He was a successful narcissist in the end, making huge amounts of money with bitcoin investment.. And all of that shouldn't have get to my spirit, but a part of me always felt inferior to him, because he spend all the money for nealy eveything. I didn't felt entiteled to have a own voice.
I never worked for something like hell to be proud of, but then there is spirituality that says that you should't build selfworth on anything you achieved. That you can be fine in your own skin, with who you are.. I feel really inspired by people with fixed spirits that can work towards a aim and achieve it, out of a place of inspiration. But how can anyone make that switch! There are many answers within self help books, but they don't show you how to honsetly feel that inspiration..
But all those experiences with my former best friend changed me pretty much as a person paradoxically, now that I am lonely again, I feel different from the time when I was lonely before, kind of gotten more core confidence, but I feel like it's drainig away, like sand in an hourglass (as corny as that sounds). There is this dream I have, to be able to make many friends, friends that doesn't betray me.. I just realized how much I can't trust people because of the influence of my parents who permanently teached me to distrust anybody and everything. I realize another thing, a childhood scar, that pressures my heart, making me feel unease everytime I think about my parents, the fact that I never told them that I was raped in my childhood - only a handful of people know. I've gone through shit, but even though my parents think they love my, they think they are doing the right thing, I just feel like they are overbearing, that they just wan't to control me, in all my decisions, because they don't trust me to live on my own, I feel that they think I am a piece of shit with those actions, which reinforces that same thought in my subconscious, even though I FIGHT it. That fight I do day by day.. I don't wan't to be a piece of shit. Why cant they just stop beeing overbearing when I tell them, why can't I stop hating myself, why can't I just convince myself that Iam worthy as a human beeing and honstly feel peace every second I live. Shit, I am a 21 year old man and writing about all that made me cry right now
I don't wan't any pity because thats what the narcissist wants inside me, but I know that won't lead me to a change. I just feel the urge to write this, even if you don't understand or hate on it.
Another thought I have right now is that I feel stupid as hell, as probably the dumbest person around. I met a friend today from the last semesters, we didn't see each other for ages, and went out for a warm drink on a christmas fair. (getting colder and colder here!) Every time I talk to him, I just drift off in stupid things I say, putting them out with eloquent expressions, that don't even support the sense of the sentence. I feel afterwards that I just wanted to sound smart, but in the moment I speak that nonsense I just have no intention at all. That's kind of frustrating, because it feels like people are looking down onto you because you talking shit. Why can't people just make anybody feel unjudged..
It makes me distrust myself again, that Iam not intelligent enough, that I couldn't hold a candle to a smart girl if I find myself in a conversation.. It kinda makes me feel less of a men. And I hate that. I just want feel more manly.. How can any great girl fall in love with a guy that isn't manly enough, sooner or later, even if I might me able to get her, she will ran off or cheat on me with a guy that behaves like one from his inner core. I hate the world that It gives me so many obstacles to feel that way. I have a strong feeling that i don't want to be a weak guy, my relationship made that clear, she slept with so many behind my back and even a 40 year old guy. I felt really hurt for a long time, but now I've gotten my shit together once again, or at least I think so.
Iam tired right now, there is still so much to tell but I gotta make a sandwich or something, I'm starving. I don't know if I feel this feeling again anytime soon, so text me if you wan't to hear more, I got plently to tell. This here, is just the beginning.
Best cbr
(Sorry for the weak grammar mistakes or the misspells, I just written it fluently, without looking back)
|
self.offmychest
|
Looks like it's finally time I have a plan. Research is done. Maths is done.
Tomorrow I can go and get the items required.
I will finally either die and/or show my mother I was being serious about death. No more laughing it off.
It's relieving.
Link to update: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/7c36lk/update_looks_like_its_finally_time/
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
At the beginning of each year since 2012 I've made a FB post that this year things will turn around, but they never do. Foolish optimism. I've spent 8 years trying to get my undergrad and I'm probably going to fail more classes this semester. I hate school.
|
self.depression
|
Don’t you hate when people start to notice? I’m one of the people who bounce in and out of my highs and lows, I’ll be good for a few days, maybe weeks; life is great during these times. Then slowly start to feel myself slipping back into that feeling of numbness and that nothing is worth it anymore. That’ll normally last a few months, in the past it stuck around for a few years. Started noticing this week i was falling back into the downhill cycle and someone i work with, (currently deployed so im stuck with the same exact people everyday) noticed today. Somehow he notices to see it even though we hardly talk. But damn if it doesn’t make you feel awkward as can be when people who depend on you can see when you’re starting to go into that “place” again.
|
self.depression
|
What natural remedies work for you to reduce panic attacks? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Moving Out Of State I’ve lived in the same state in the same city my entire life. My anxiety has completely wrecked my life since I was a child, to the extent that I’d cry for about 45 minutes every morning when my parents would drop me off at school in kindergarten. I would have a full on panic attack sitting in the bathroom in the dark. Nobody ever tried to talk it out with me as a child, they put me in the bathroom until I calmed down enough to walk out in front of the class room and sit down with every one. I’m 26 years old now, and that somehow has followed me as well as many other anxiety ridden memories. My drinking as well as just my past has continued to follow me. Stories of my parents (who ended up on the news), my family’s reputation, just so much shit in this small town has continued to weigh me down throughout my life. Despite how good I do for myself now I continue to fret over my past because I’m reminded of it every single day. Every time I see someone from high school when I’m out at the store the anxious thoughts begin again and by the end of it I’m in my bed underneath the covers feeling like a huge piece of shit.
Well, I’m moving to another state at the end of the week. And for some reason, I feel like moving away will help me relieve some of this anxiety. I feel like going to a new place where nobody knows me, my family, or my mistakes will possibly help me get away from this anxiety and allow me to start fresh.
Has anyone ever moved away and it help your anxiety?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Apart from depression what can cause someone to commit suicide? Read more details below [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate my body and all of my friends have left me [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Almost Killed Myself Out Of Nowhere This happened exactly three nights ago. It didn't seem like much at the time, but as time passes, I'm getting more and more worried. I was having a bad night. Not the worst night, just a shitty one. Nothing happened, I just didn't feel good, felt lazy and kind of gross in a way. I was preparing dinner, and actually started to feel great. It was unwarranted really, but I felt amazing. Accomplished in a way. Then I looked over to the wooden knife holder I use. Suddenly I felt horrible. I stopped and stared at it for a good 2 minutes before walking up to it and taking one out. I held it pointed to my stomach for about a minute or so, and I felt nothing. I put it back eventually, not quite realizing what I had just done. I went on with preparing my meal, and went about the rest of my night, a bit dazed, but just fine. It didn't seem like much to me then, but the more I think about it, the more worried about myself. I experience dissociation/depersonalization/derealization a lot, and it's pretty clear to me that that's what happened. I thought I was going to die, and I had accepted it, seemingly immediately. That didn't hit me until today, just how fucked up that is. It's terrifying how fast my mood can shift now. And if it happens again, what if I can't stop myself? I'm worried about what I might do to myself and to others. I don't feel real anymore. More of a rant than anything, but I would appreciate advice.
TL;DR: Preparing dinner one night my mood shifted suddenly from great to awful. I almost stabbed myself and felt nothing. It didn't hit me until today how fucked up that really is.
|
self.depression
|
Literally haven’t met someone like him before Have you ever met someone and you just knew from the moment of meeting them that they were special and rare? That is how it was when I met him and it has been like that ever since. So much of what he does amazes me. With the type of person he is and the way he looks at life, I can learn a thing or two from him.
While I know he isn’t perfect, I mean who is, he feels pretty close to me. I don’t say that lightly and would say it whether I liked him or not. I thankfully get a chance to see him often enough to get a “fix” and things feel right in the world for that moment in time. Sometimes just seeing him makes me smile, small chit-chat makes my day, and a real conversation makes my heart skip a couple of beats and makes my week. Today’s conversation made this week and next week, by the way.
However, with all the great and amazing things I can say about him, it would never work between us. There is one major reason, that I will not name, and it literally hurts my heart to know it won’t work. While I would love for certain situations to change and things to fall into place to make this dream a reality, I will just have to continue to admire him from afar. I really, really hope that something amazing might happen and the situation will change one day though. As that would be the most amazing thing ever.
|
self.offmychest
|
Is it normal to lose weight because of anxiety? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Taking Trazodone with Pristiq, Concerta, and antibiotics? I just got Trazodone because I've been waking up usually three to seven times a night especially in my dorm room. I'm supposedly cyclothymic. I've only had one or two episodes I might call classic euphoric hypomania and they weren't bad.
 
I have Trileptal but it seems to make my muscles twitch and affect my vocabulary and stuff. I've told my doctor about this but she keeps saying to just stay on it. I've been off it for a long while. At first I was honest about not taking the Trileptal as prescribed and said I would do better, and I tried. Then I stopped trying. I have trouble believing I really need it anyway since I don't really get up.
 
I'm a little concerned about serotonin syndrome. I'm also sick and taking azithromycin and apparently I was also prescribed methylprednisolone, which I don't remember being told about. Just got that and the Trazodone today. Been taking the azithromycin since Monday.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm attracted to a 13 year old singer celebrity (that I've never met) [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate Ajit Pai Hes corrupt and is being payed to do things that are in favor of big companies. The government is supposed to be for the people, by the people, and a few corrupt officials shouldn't be able to dictate the law and ignore all the protesting and input from the civilians.
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone feel it is less painful to be negative 24/7 than feel positive every once in a while? Only to realize how foolish they were to believe that their life could improve
|
self.depression
|
DAE stay up for 2 days then crash for 1 and repeat? Or is that just a me thing? 🤷🏼♀️
|
self.bipolar
|
Going to end it all but still need some help. Hello there, I am plannig to commit suicide for a while now but never had enough courage to actually do it. I won‘t bother you guys with my story nor reason why I want to kill myself. I finally made my mind and I am brave enough to do it. I was thinking about driving my car somwhere outside of the city, burn some gas or other type of poison that would cause my brain/hearth to stop like carbon monoxide (thats the where I need help with), take sleeping pills and peacefully and without any pain pass away in the car. I am also thinking about using some weed or something to keep me chill and not think about it too much but I‘m not sure yet. What type of gas/poison could I use that is 100% lethal and painless and where can I get that in Germany? I won‘t do it until I‘ve planned it all trough and until I‘m sure that it will be 100% effective because I don‘t want to be labeled as drama queen because that is last thing I need right now
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
DAE have butterflies constantly?? I'm honestly suffering so badly atm, I almost constantly PLAGUED by this bloody anxious-for-no-reason feeling and my stomach is constantly in knots :(
My doctor has me on 20mg of propanolol (to take 'when i get anxious' apparently (but that is always)) but I don't want to use it too much because I'm not sure if it will help because I have quite a slow heart rate anyways (resting about 55bpm, when anxious top end is 67bpm) and I don't know if it will cure the butterflies??
I just feel so awful and I don't know whether to go back to the doctor because he just brushed me off and said 'well if its not crippling you completely, not much we can do' but I think now maybe it's past that point? It's literally everyday I feel like this and I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear
I don't really know why I'm posting this but I just need some reassurance that I'm not going insane and this is not normal/actually anxiety related
|
self.Anxiety
|
My life is falling appart... I love you people, I dont know really what am I looking for reaching out to you, I feel completely empty, sad and see everyday as another step down into the spiral of inevitable suffering and lack of hope.
Many things are happening lately, I have become almost a hermit, I spend most of my time alone in my room, I have no job, been looking for almost 10 months. My friends are constructing their own lives away from where I live, I live with my parents (which is normal where I come from for a gal my age, 25yo) but I hardly talk to them.
I have failed numerous times, at work, at the university, always the last in the class, always the one giving problems with his assingments. I have lost my personality, somehow, I no longer feel like lauging, everything is a chore to do, I no longer feel the same as 4 years before, I feel idle, numb, lonely, I do not desire the company of people, but then again, I wish I could enjoy it, as before.
My girlfriend, told me she is getting bored of the relationship, like she does not find things to talk about with me. She was the last light of hope, happiness and hope I had, but if things are like this I just lost the last good thing I had in my life.
Day in and Day out I feel like committing suicide, I do not have a gun, I do not want to die in such a slow way like hanging myself of with a rope. So instead I live life with no purpose, hardly any energy to do the most basic of tasks, let alone the hard ones like looking for jobs, or my academic pursuits.
I dont trust things will get better, I literally do not think things will eventually get sorted out and life will have meaning and all of that. Because I thought that 10 years ago, but, it has just gotten worse.
I have come to the realization that, the higher the amount of time I have lived, the higher the accumulation of garbage I have had over the years: suffering, broken promises, hurt,etc, making my hopes to be completely obliterated as well as my self steem and self worth.
I dont want to live other 10 years to even expect something else, I no longer want to gamble on this sadistic game called life.
TL;DR I hate my life, I dont want to live, help, I love you, I need a hug, no hope, no laughs, just suffering.
|
self.depression
|
How to talk to a psychiatrist? First appointment on Friday. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Requesting ECT for ADHD/Bipolar Think I'll be able to drive a car? Someone said thought disturbances (the "impairment") can be OCD, GAD, Insomnia, Depression, etc in a book he read. I am considering ECT for depression. I do feel depressed a lot as I just turned 34 and feel like the biggest underachiever to ever walk the earth. Also to say I could have had so many good looking women around me is an understatement if I could just grasp social graces and how to deal with them / my life. The chances of what I've had just surpass reality to some. Some would be shocked "Whoa you let those women go to waste?!" even one that had a conversation with you? I couldn't stimulate the mind of one at this school I was visiting but she was impressive and interested in me. I just stood there paralyzed. Now I am heading to some board and care and don't know if I want to live the street life anymore. Both of my friends are offered to help me with a solution such as a GED or programming class at a college. I guess I will post an update with how I feel after ECT. Before: Definitely depressed at times, sometimes wanting to die. I am balding and feel like my life is slipping from me like grains of sand.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm going to start Lamictal along with Ritalin, Klonopin and Prozac. My friend told me It may crash, now I'm scared. My Doc prescribed Lamictal, start in a low dose 25Mg and 7 days later up it to 50mg a day and so on until I get to 150Mg a day. Then 10Mg Ritalin in the morning and 10 in the afternoon. Prozac 20Mg in the morning and Klonopin at night time 0.5Mg Is this gonna turn out bad? My friend told me It must be dangerous because of a rash caused by Lamictal and Ritalin or Prozac may interact with it, I'm not sure if this is correct or not. I'll see my Doctor again in 2 months So, any recommendations? Is Lamictal safe? I'm having a disorganized life and doc told me these cocktail is gonna work great for me, anyone taking similar meds? Sorry for so many questions
|
self.bipolar
|
To the baby in the stroller from the neighboring table in this café. Be strong. You have no idea what is ahead, neither do I, entirely, but be strong because things are going to get rough. Never give up and start using logic as soon as you develop it. Be a good person.
|
self.offmychest
|
Were diagnosed recently Hi i were diagnosed in april where i had a manic episode a few days after taking acid. I didnt really get stabil before having a second manic episode in june , i were at a psykward both times and have been on medication since ( deprakine) .
But everybody seems to be against it,
But i am really not shure i am even bipolar .
Do any of you cope with it without medicine?
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel alone. Constant disregard. We have constant arguments over petty little things, such stupid small things.... and its rotting my marriage.
I get so frustrated and I have no release. there is a pit in my stomach. my family is so defensive that I cant confront them about an issue I have - and its just a small issue, so I swallow it. its no big deal, so I deal.
so many times, I deal.
all these little things are just sitting inside me.
Ive been disrespected so many times.
no one bothers to clean up after themselves - and I quit cleaning after them, so they think that I am okay with this standard of filth and clutter and stench.
I repeat myself over and over until I feel like all I do is yell and scold.
I am so frustrated.
And no one cares.
I have left for a few days, to breathe, and I come home and my things have been violated - and my frustrations are amplified!
I dont know how to free myself from constant disregard.
I love my husband. He says all I do is nag. I just want to talk to him about these little things that annoy me. I know they are simple things, but they really bother me. I just want to talk to him. I dont expect him to fix any of it.
I dont want to be an absolute bitch, but it seems I cant communicate with my family properly.
I know I am depressed because there are so many things I want to do and should do, but when I have the time, I dont do anything. I do nothing. I just sit and think about how the days are just passing and my chest is just getting heavier. I am becoming old and worthless. my value is diminishing.
its all so small. and I am so small.
|
self.depression
|
I'm Giving Myself 5 Years TLDR; I'm giving myself 5 years to improve my artistic skills enough to get a job in it. I see no other way to be happy in this life since this art is the only purpose I've found in living. So if I can't make it work, I'm probably going to consider opting out of this life because I don't see how else I can be happy in life.
------------
Using a throwaway account. The past few years, going through college, it feels like I've just been struggling to keep my head above water. I never had the desire to go to college to begin with. Pretty much ever since I was little, I never thought about pursuing any career that required higher education. All I wanted was to be an artist. A line of work where one could perform, teach, and create things without needing to go to school to learn how to do any of those things.
But everyone said you were supposed to go to college. That you couldn't get a job without it. I was a sheltered kid. I didn't know anything about the real world, so I never questioned why they said that. I just accepted it as fact. I remember when I was first applying 3 years ago. I looked through the list of different majors offered at my college and thought to myself, "I don't care about any of these". So I just went in undeclared, figuring that maybe I'd figure out something down the line.
When my parents found out, they flipped. They said I was wasting time and money by taking general classes to figure out what I wanted to do (which, in hindsight, was true because being a senior now, I can safely say that my initial instincts were right: no major or course of study at college has been worth it to me). They pushed me to a lucrative major, one that I had known for a while I wasn't and would never be interested in. I explained that to them, but they wouldn't have it. "How can you know if you hate it when you haven't tried it?" they said. I wanted to respond that it didn't matter if I hadn't tried it because I had no inclination to try it in the first place. But since I had no other plan, no other tangible course of action that would make people believe I was on track to be successful, I believed I had no other choice than to do what they said. I switched to that major and "discovered" that I indeed hated it.
The summer after that school year ended, I was relieved. I had never worked before (still haven't; my anxiety, depression and general listlessness have gotten the best of me) and said to myself that I wanted to that summer, but I was burned out. I was emotionally burned out from what felt to me like trying to satisfy everyone else in my life. I was afraid to work. Afraid to get a job. And I was tired of the grind in school. So I felt relieved when I decided to say "fuck it, I'll work on my art". That summer, I pursued it fervently. I practiced every day. I felt dedicated. Passionate. Like life was coming back to me. But as the end of summer approached, I realized I had to go back. I had to go back to the major I hated. The lifestyle I hated. The people I hated seeing. I couldn't bear the thought of it. So I convinced my parents in a last ditch effort to switch to a different lucrative major. I'd never even tried it before (nor had the inclination to try it), but I didn't care. All I knew was I didn't want to go back to where I was before. So I switched.
For a while, I was doing okay. Okay enough to focus on my art during this. I was feeling optimistic. I figured if I wanted to get a job in my art, I had to try taking it to the next level. After a few humiliating public performances, including a conversation with my parents making my interest in it known that ended with them wanting to pretend I wasn't pursuing it, I resolved to work on it quietly. I didn't want anyone telling me I couldn't do it. I also didn't want anyone telling me I could do it because I knew I was insecure about my ability. I knew relying on their words to get me through the struggle to improve was useless. Even if they thought I could do it or that I was good, I was the one who actually had to do it. I had to know that I was good in order to believe them. I figured, then, that I could only depend on myself.
I kept pursuing my art. I kept practicing. But then my chosen major started getting harder. Way more difficult than I had thought. I was previously a student who did well. Now I was struggling to pass. Realizing that I hated this too, combined with my fear of working a job in general and the possible jobs of this major, led me to realize that I hated the direction my life was going. I hated the future that was likely to happen if I kept going in that direction. So I turned to my art. My best hope. I reasoned that if I could get a job in my art, then I didn't care what came after. As long as I could get a job in it, I'd be okay. I considered it my life's work. I knew that it wasn't easy, but I also knew I could weather it. I could choose that life. It's the only job, the only work I would want in my life. Without it, I'm pretty much purposeless. Without it, I can't imagine a life that I'd want to live. But an honest assessment of my skills tells me that it would take a few more years before I'd be ready to get a job in it. And it's getting harder and harder to improve. I always used to find ways to improve, new training methods I could try, new approaches to keep things fresh. Now doing that is hard enough that I find myself wanting to give up more than I ever have before. Which brings me to the title of this post.
I'm giving myself 5 years. In 5 years, I will have been doing this as long as most of the pros that I know. If in 5 years, I'm not good enough to turn this into a job, then I'm going to consider opting out of this life. Work is a huge part of life, that can't be denied. You spend most of your waking hours there. It can't be wrong, then, to want your work to be something you find purpose in. Something you find meaningful. And my art is one of the only two things I find meaningful in this life (the other being a select few people I care about). I don't care if any of my admissions makes me a coward, or immature, or a baby, or overly sensitive or whatever other negative connotations could be construed. I don't see a way to be happy in this life without purpose. And the only purpose I've found that can sustain me is my art. So I'm giving myself 5 years. If I can even make it until then.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm so tired of being with myself everyday. I want to end this I would always refuse to use reddit, especially for advice or whatever, but right now I feel it's the only thing I have. I just tried to kill myself in a mental breakdown I had having an argument with my mother. I am always so close to do it, I don't know what's holding me back. I need to talk to someone so badly... I'm 20. I live in a constant battle with myself it's so exhausting, it's like if a part of me is trying to give advice to the depressed othet half of me. I try so hard to be positive, to think that it's just a phase, that I will feel better soon. I suck at everything, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic. I have some friends that are just to go party because I know that none of them could ever understand the hell I live in. My family..oh how I wish I had grown up in a loving and understanding family.. sometimes I say okay I'm going to talk to my mom about this, but she doesn't takr my mental health seriously at all, she just called me crazy. I literally have no one. My best friend and I don't talk anymore, he was the only one that could understand and I don't have him anymore because I pushed him away.. I push everyone away. Now I know how is it like when you hate yourself. I see everyone being "normal" , enjoying their friends and families, having jobs, having plans and goals and how I wish I could be in their position.. I don't know what am I here for anymore, I feel like I'm never going to get anywhere in life, I'm so done with myself, with my own mind that is my biggest enemy. Depression fucking sucks.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Need help for a friend First off, sorry if this doesn’t belong here, not sure where else to post. Secondly, I apologize for the wall of text.
One of my best friends has a serious drinking problem, like can’t go two days without being drunk. He also suffers through horrible depression. For months I’ve told him that I’d stick with him no matter what, “you’re an adult” I’d say, “you can make your own decisions.” However, with this two headed monster he’s fighting, he started to go on multiple day long binges. One of his other best friends (a mutual friend) told him that he wasn’t gonna be associated with him while he’s drinking. I told him that he was slowly killing himself and that I couldn’t be an accomplice to him doing this and that he needs to stop or I’m gonna leave as well.
He’s 20, he lives with his parents and goes to university. His parents have a no drinking policy in their home, but they’ve caught him a couple times sneaking alcohol into the house, and they say that if it happens again they’re gonna kick him out. At this point though, I feel like that might be the best thing for him. This is where I’m lost though; he’s told me that if they find out, he’s probably gonna commit suicide.
Tonight he relapsed after being sober for a couple days and when I found out I just said “okay, I’ll ttyl”, and his response was to tell me to never text him again. He’s since posted on Reddit that he feels like ending it all and saying that he’s all alone now. I want the best for him and I hate to see him suffer, but I don’t think the supportive through thick and thin approach is working anymore. So I’m trying tough love, but I’m worried that will push home over the edge.
I’m not sure what I should do now, so I’m asking for your help. What should I do?
|
self.depression
|
Volunteering Hi all-
I just wanted to share something in case it helps.
When I was 18, I found out I was pre-disposed to depression. And, I've been to therapy and counseling.
2 years ago, I had trouble finding work, and I found my depression coming back. And, it was sort of downward spiraling. Per someone's advice, I finally took my focus off finding work, and started looking for volunteer opportunities in my community instead. And, it's been really wonderful. It's helped me get involved in things that I think will help others, and focus on bringing others peace, instead of just focusing on myself and my own stuff.
I just wanted to share. It helped me to realize that there a lot of people out there that can use an extra hand. And, who would value your time and presence! Whether they are animals looking for a home, or people who are recovering from a disaster.
Also, it helps to stay connected to people in a way that's meaningful.
So, if you are struggling to find work, and you are finding depression sneaking in, I just wanted offer a tip.
|
self.depression
|
A smile It just took one person to smile at me today, acknowledge me, and it instantly changed my day. I don't think I've realise how even the smallest thing from a stranger, like a smile, can mean so much.
|
self.depression
|
I don’t know how to handle my depression and anxiety, my girlfriend is leaving me, and refers to me as a waste of space and I’m unable to move forward or get myself better, my heart is breaking and I’m losing everything and I don’t know what to do
|
self.depression
|
I’m so sick of being pathetic and alone. I just give up [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I want to kill myself so badly, i wish i could, I'm so broken, so tired of this shit, i wish i could kill myself [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do you feel like your depression is due to a chemical imbalance or circumstances in your life? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Took several sleeping pills last night. Nowhere near lethal but I just needed the pain to stop for a moment. I ended up "drunk texting" my exwife and I don't even remember it. I've been a little sluggish today but less anxious. Still a basketcase. Will always be alone. Hate myself. The only reason I'm alive is I have a son who needs me.
I played Starview valley today and can't stop crying. What the hell is wrong with me?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
When you are told you're being anoyying I've always worried that I was anoyying. In fact I've always kinda known I could be. Despite reassurance's from people close to me in my life, that I am in fact not. Today a friend I've made online, who has similar issues to mine as far as depression goes told me I was anoyying them. Now I understand and realize that we all have bad days, but for whatever reason this has hurt me more than anything.
I've been having anxiety issues lately anyway, so bring told this hasn't helped in the least. I can't help but feel like I'm a burdan on people, especially those I love. I have typed out several messages to said person but delete them right away simply because I don't want to be a burden.
I've also started over analzing everything I do today. If I go to send my husband a text I force myself to not. Dont want to bother him at work, after all I'm an anoyying person. Go to message a separate friend but then stop myself, oh I'll probably be bugging them so I shouldn't.
Im sitting here on the bathroom floor at home typing this out because the alternative to what I really want to do isn't and option, I refuse to harm myself, no matter how much I want to. I just hate that one persons bad mood can make me feel like shit. I even feel like this post is anoyying! Bah! Sorry to burden all of you strangers with my stupid issues, I just....I just needed to get it out in another way other than self harm.
|
self.depression
|
one day up next day down, one day up nexy day down.... sighh.... one day up next day gone i will not let this be my story
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today is the day, no more waiting for something to change [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Coming out of an intense manic phase need help keeping it together. I don't know, I can just feel it. The kind of really instable feeling with the piercing headache after feeling kickass for a couple days.
I need help keeping it togeter til it passes. I've been keeping it together for so long and I don't want to land myself on the streets or in jail again again, does anyone have any advice?
|
self.bipolar
|
Not normal but not crazy enough I am diagnosed as Bipolar type I though I have only experienced one true manic episode in my life where I put a cigarette out on my arm because I couldn't feel pain and felt invincible. But outside of that I have only had depressives, one of which I have been deep in recently. But I never go far enough to get the help I feel like I would benefit the most from. I cannot justify inpatient financially when I know I am not suicidal, just idealization and thoughts but never a plan to follow through. I find myself just more hopeless and frustrated knowing this. Like if I were just a bit worse I would be able to justify being committed for a time to really work out whats going on, what my triggers are, and get myself some structure in my life outside of work. But then I think about my husband (he is major depressive with PTSD) and the fact that I need to support him or else he could slip again and I wouldnt be there to stop him this time. I think about how my mom would look at it and feel ashamed. I think about how my work would react and the people I would leave hanging with my responsibilities. I am disassociating as I write this even, I can feel myself just slipping out of my limbs and retreating into my mind.
I dont know what I hope to accomplish with this. I guess I just hope someone else out there has been there or felt this way that can relate so I dont just feel so caught in the middle between sane and not.
|
self.bipolar
|
Father past away today, depression and anxiety through the roof despite me knowing it was coming [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I am not happy, I am depressed, I’m 15, and in the years I’ve been alive, I’ve learned to be thankful for the things people have done for me-well except, no one does anything for me, I give so much & ask for nothing, but when I call for a favour I get turned down.
4(?) years back, I was suicidal, because I had a higher understanding than most people on life, I grasped a lot & took alot, I knew how hard it was for my parents to have to care for me, to have to feed me and shelter me til I grow of age to move-out & whats worse is that I understood I was just a burden, and I contributed nothing, and I still contribute nothing.
What’s worse, is that I had an ex-girlfriend 2 years back, who was suicidal & was cutting, who I loved to death, and it was because of her that I NEVER take suicide as a joke, I don’t EVER, say KMS (Kill myself) or KYS (Kill yourself) or joke around about suicide or self-pain, it isn’t a joke, and I have talked to so many people, both on the internet who I met through a game & outside the world, to see if they are okay, and I always think that’s 1 more life she has saved.
Now for the 2 years we’ve been broken up, we go to the same high-school, and I still had feelings for her, I cared about her with love not friendship or anything & she knew this, she knew I love her more than anything, but than last-week, I saw her & her new bf that she’s known for a week, start making-out infront of me, and like anyone else this pissed me off, I was fucking hurt by this, I wanted to literally kill the guy she was with, I was that mad, I wanted to explode.
But I didn’t, I taught myself how to control my anger & how to re-direct it, and I didn’t do anything, but before that, like 2 days before, she started going around, showing people texts of what I said to her (my confessions) and I dmed her on instagram (blocked her off snapchat) telling her, that those things are private, and I’d rather she did not show them, but whatever.
Next-thing, I know like a week after she kissed her bf infront of me, she added me back on snap and tried apologizing, but I denied it, I told her that I want an apology to my fucking face, I wanted that, she hurt me so many times in the pass, but I never gave up, I just let it go, but this was the final straw.
She apologized to me, in person, but honestly, I wanted it from her & it felt like the worst apology I have ever heard, I feel nothing, I wanted relief, because I hate her for what she did, but I still want to be friends with her, especially how much she has changed me.
Another thing, is being this nice fucking guy, I’m like semi-rich, I am not literally rich, my house isn’t super nice or anything, but the clothes & stuff we have are EXPENSIVE, and we get paid a lot of money, so one of the things I do is go around hang out with my friends and just give them $$, $20, $50, you name it, I want to spread happiness.
What’s better is that I have no anxiety, I will say whatever I want to say & as loud as I want, and I won’t care, I’m confident with myself.
I’m at the point of breaking, I just want to destroy my room & let out all my anger all my hate, but talking never helps, I talk to my friends & I had a therapist for a year, and I felt nothing, I would just lie to my therapist, because I would never let my family worry about me.
and honestly whats worse of all, is that my family doesn’t care much about me, they don’t care what happens, my mom said she doesn’t give a fuck, and honestly, I couldn’t care either, what happens, happens.
Idk, I’m just at the breaking-point here, I want to explode & just let everyone know, but I can’t, bcuz I don’t want people to worry about me.
|
self.depression
|
Ive had problems with almost all of my roommates, starting to wonder if the problem is me Ive been living abroad going to college for the past 4 years and Ive had problems with almost all of my roommates (specifically, 6 out of 9 of them). Im finally graduating but my lease still has three months left and the person I am living with hates my guts. Its so extremely anxiety inducing Im not sure how I will get through it. Im 23 but I just want to move back in with my parents forever because living with roommates has scarred me. Has anyone else felt this way? Im not in a financial position where I would be able to afford living alone for at least another three years. I lived alone once here at college and instead of awful roommates I had awful neighbors. Ive tried expressing myself more, being honest about my boundaries and shrugging off all the small stuff. But everything keeps ending up like shit and the stress levels are ruining my health. Could it be an anxiety problem? Or is something wrong with my personality that I end up in this situation again and again? Ive tried over and over and I feel like the pattern means it must be my fault despite the fact that I cant pinpoint anything Ive done wrong habitually. What do you suggest for someone like me?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just entered the world of medication. Zoloft 50mg + Hydroxyzine 25mg Is this a lot? I have health anxiety anf my doc said hed give me just zoloft. But to my surprise he gave me these TWO medication. Im a little anxious to start this, advice?
I woke up this morning expecting him to recommend a therapist or something, not this. This ruined my day, and I'm scared its going to change me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Dumb question I’ve had thoughts of suicide for years and years, I’m almost 27, should I bring it to my parents attention that I have serious thoughts of killing myself? Not an hour or minute goes by that I don’t think of it, but lately it’s been increasingly worse. I live life day to day with no real plans for for myself because I had no plans for myself because I had no plans to even been here. Like I’ve said multiple times before the only reason I’m scared to try to kill myself is the fear of failing and not being able to attempt again. So my main question is should I tell my parents?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am getting f's in all my subjects this semester for accidentally bringing in a calculator to a no calculator exam. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I'm going to die soon Maybe *not* from suicide. Perhaps from a car wreck. Or a stray bullet, a strong punch to the stomach or temple. Or an undiagnosed diseased. What ever it is it strongly feels like it will happen soon. I'm not doing anything with this. My last days on earth are being spent doing nothing.
|
self.depression
|
Need advice for my girlfriend With Anxiety Hey Reddit
I am writing this with my girlfriend who I have been together with for 4 years and plan to be with the rest of my life so want her to be happy, but after the new year she has had more and worse anxiety and panic attacks, because of school, work applications and life in general. I find this extremely illogical because she is only 22 and already on her final year of her masters in finance, so she has accomplished a lot. She even studied abroad for several years on her own and she's always been an A student, but she always feels like she can do better almost to where only perfect works. She believes when she gets a job it will get back to normal, with only "normal OCD" ;) But i feel like that is not healthy, that a job can have that big of an impact. I am very chill and can have a hard time relating to her. How does she tackle these panic attacks? And how does she change her mind to a more relaxed state and allow herself to make mistakes?
She has tried a psychologist, where they have tried logical thinking, planing her tasks day by day and talked about the reasons she has anxiety, but without good result. I hope you can help, thanks in advance.
This is my point of view, here is my girlfriends:
I have always had anxiety, but it has never interfered with the things I need to get done or my overall happiness, until now. Over Christmas both of my parents were in the hospital, they are both okay now, but it came as quite a shock to me as they had both been healthy throughout my life. Then right after Christmas I had a couple of job interviews that did not go as well as I had hoped, partially because I was worrying about my parents and unable to focus on practicing for the interviews. Then one week after I completed my interviews I had 4 exams, which I hadn't studied for because of my interviews.... I did fairly well on 3 of the exams, but failed the 4th exam. Before this I had never failed an exam in my life, not even been close.
So throughout everything I felt guilty that I hadn't spent more time with my parents, and bad that I hadn't spent more time on interviews and school... I get that there are only 24 hours in a day, but it feels like no matter how I spend them, I am somehow wasting my time. This then leads to me feeling like I somehow failed at life and I start having really bad anxiety and panic attacks. I can't focus and I'm unable to get anything done. I'm hoping that when I get a job some of that pressure will disappear and things will go back to normal, but I'm scared to think of what my life will be like if it doesn't. I have my next round of exams in 5 weeks and I'm heading down the same path, currently working on interviews instead of studying, but I don't know what else to do.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why is it that I joke about not having friends and it's funny, but when someone points it out.. it hurts so much [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Getting anxiety after seeing a film that makes you emotional? I've heard that some people get anxiety or panic attacks during or after watching thrillers or horror movies, but I don't have that. I get anxiety after seeing things that cause me to really resonate with a story or character emotionally. For example, I went to see the new Star Wars movie this morning, and the whole character and plot of Kylo Ren/Ben Solo really evoked an emotional response in me. I felt sad for him and angry and a lot of things all at once. The rest of the day, since leaving the theater, I have had this lingering anxiety, and if I think about the movie it gets worse. I don't know why I have this reaction to strong emotions, it's happened before and I'm sure it will happen again. It usually takes at least a full day before it subsides, and it's really annoying because I really do enjoy watching movies and connecting with the stories and characters. Have any of you ever had a similar experience? I feel like I sound so erratic. Like I know these are not real people or events, but they cause me a weird amount of grief.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Good meds?? I feel normal. Or what I think is normal. We added Wellbutrin to my lexapro and vyvanse 5 weeks ago. Friday we added seroquel. I’m still in the testing process so all I know right now is bipolar-unspecified. I hope this is real and I’m not heading up just to nose dive again.
|
self.bipolar
|
I really can't go on. I need help please somone. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Health Anxiety Does anyone else experience this? I get it really fucking badly and I'm always in and out of the Drs, and often can be found speeding to the ER and unholy hours only to be left looking like a fucking loser when I remember that my mind tricks my brain of vice versa and its just another panic attack manifesting itself through a false illness/attack.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Suicide is the solution Hi, I'm 21 I always had long hair in all my life and recently I noticed my hair was thinning (2015). On the same year i went to the dermatologist and he diagnosed me with androgenetic alopecia, he told i would lose my hair no matter what but he recommended some medicines (Hexaphane and Tricovax), those medicines works until the beginning of 2017. In October I went to another dermatologist, he specializes in hair. He ask me to do blood exams because there is no historic of baldness in my family, I returned after one week and the dermato recommended minoxidil and some vitamins and I must return in march 2018. Well, the real problem is that I'm sure this shit won't work, I'm just wasting my money and I see it isn't working, I see a lot of my hair around my house... Hair loss is making me feel really bad (The first dermato ask me to go to see a psychiatrist, he probably noticed I was entering in depression because I told him I was avoiding leaving home). I never had self-esteem and I'm really shy, now it's worst with my hair loss. In 2015 I left gym and college, 2016 - 2017 I lost too much weight, I never go out have fun since 2015. I just go out to buy foods and drinks once a month. I work at home selling my illustrations, that's how I pay my bills. Everyday I think about suicide I'm sure I'm in a severe stage of depression, that's why avoid to see a psychiatrist.
I know to you it's just hair, but to me it was the only quality I had and i refuse lose it. Suicide isn't a option, it's a solution to me, sorry for my English, I'm not a native
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I developed anxiety along with my depression recently It sucks. The only thing that kept people around was me being charismatic. I can't do it anymore. I have panic attacks frequently. I can't speak. Everything comes out wrong. I'm scared. I thought I had everything under control. But I don't. I'm not able to pretend to be happy anymore. I don't know what to do. I need someone. I just want someone to save me. I can't do it anymore. It's too much
|
self.depression
|
Surprised to learn how little self-esteem I have, ironically Before my diagnosis of depression I used to be a highly functioning mentally ill person and, naturally, an over-achiever. I was overly prideful of my artistic and musical abilities, fashion sense, and fitness (more like orthorexia) to name a few. When I graduated and applied for the next school I initially found it easy to make loads of new friends because my self-confidence was at an all time high and I felt worth-while.
As years went on, however, it became impossible for me to sustain the perfectionist lifestyle and I crashed, hard. I fell out of the loop and by the time I graduated I was so debilitated by depression there wasn’t really much left of my former life. My situation currently is that, while I’ve lately started getting better after escaping the abuse, I’m on sick leave, my fashion sense is dead and my former body gone, I don’t really have a social life apart from my datemate and I’m afraid of failure so much that I find doing anything terrifying. I’m ashamed of myself and grieve deeply for “what could have been”. Clearly I never lost the over-achieving trait; I just became unable to cater to it. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore because I remember that face as someone who is confident and not consumed by their illness.
Just yesterday I realized that it feels like there’s a hole where my self-esteem should be and that it majorly drags me down in every aspect of my life. One of those complications is how in both romantic and platonic relationships I hold up a façade of self-worth and confidence for a while because I know without it I’ll be in danger of being taken advantage of or abandoned. As soon as the other person gets to know me more deeply I become unable to keep up the lie. Currently I fear the person I’m dating is slowly learning they didn’t get a sexy, creative and self-confident datemate but rather a wreck of a person who can’t do anything and can’t even take a compliment (like when they said they love my “silly” dance moves and all I could think about was how I didn’t want to be perceived as a silly dancer but as having great moves and that then spiraled into a though about them leaving me for one of their friends who is a fantastic and sexy dancer, ridiculous).
I’m tired of continuously cycling through all of my insecurities and running into road blocks whenever I want to do anything. I’m tired of getting more depressed because I’m ashamed of my depression. I’m tired of feeling like I’m completely shit and being mortified whenever I see anyone from my former life.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else with anxiety sweat through their sheets?? If the temp in my house is above 67 degrees Fahrenheit at night I’m sweating through my sheets and not sleeping. It can be hotter during the day but if I’m trying to sleep it HAS to be cold.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Ex/Friend driving me crazy So me and my friend who's a girl were seeing each other only for about a month. But we have been good friends for years through school and after.
I am 24 male and she is 23 .
We stopped seeing each other and decided to be friends because we just kept clashing heads. Mainly she would go off on big temper tantrums and be really horrible.
Now it's been about two months since it ended but we had already planned to move away to a different country with another friend to a place where we both have mutual friends.
Wed been getting on ok at the start here she was talking to me ok.
But now she keeps pretty much bullying me saying things like, oh you have no friends of your own these are my friends they don't even like you, and when we are around friends she won't talk to me or include me in the conversation, in fact she'll do everything she can to block me out of it.
Even if I'm having a one on one conversation she would interrupt and start talking to that person.
If I'm telling a story she will interrupt and try to embarrass me in front of the group and ruin my confidence.
She is really trying to cast me out and not include me in the group it makes me feel so horrible and angry as well because I get on well with these guys and I don't have anyone else in this country or else I'm completely alone.
She could say so many horrible things to you but if you address it or say something back she goes nuts and would turn to the whole group and turn them against me.
I'm panicking now about what's going to happen if she will succeed in driving me out and I'll be alone and it really hurts because we were good friends too. So it feels rotten that a friend would treat you like that, as well as being an ex. I'm always so nice to her.
What should I do?? 😢
|
self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone come off of their meds? I know it's considered generally one of the worst possible things a person could do when they have bipolar disorder, but I just didn't know if anyone has had any success with it. I've recently come off my meds (tapered down gradually of course) because of some side effects and losing my health insurance.
So far I feel generally okay, just kind of tired more; which is actually working in my benefit because I was having a hard time sleeping before. I've also noticed random bouts of sadness (with the sleepiness) and some mild sporadic irritability. I used to be on 75mg Effexor and 900mg Lithium/day and am Bipolar II if that makes a difference. Thanks guys!
|
self.bipolar
|
Motivation ?? I really don't know how to keep myself motivated. Even if a small bad thing happens, that whole day is gone. I am ambitious and want to do stuff, I even have a hazy idea of a plan I should be following. But this depression just takes you down, breaks the path, blocks the line of sight and just overall frustrates me. Is it just always going to be like this? Is this ever going to end?
|
self.depression
|
Staring at my belt tied from the other side of my door I cant get any help people only use me when they need something from me and no one care if i live or die so im staring at my belt hanging on my door
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Today my sister asked me to promise not to kill myself. So today my sister rang and asked me to promise not to kill myself. She said she'd "never forgive" if I did something "silly" like killing myself. I told her that I couldn't make that promise, then she mentioned our mother and how it would ruin her. Tbh, all I want from her is to ask if i'm doing okay or if ive brushed my teeth today - that kinda thing. I cant deal with this emotional blackmail, every word she said was like a knife in the chest.
|
self.depression
|
Normal/"positive" people would off themselves within a week if they switched in my shoes These fake people posting in those shitty motivation subs and just people giving the generic "JUST B POSITUVE" advice when in reality none of them have any experience at all in dealing with isolation, occasional mistreatment, upbringing , etc.. they wouldn't last a fucking week. Yeah see how "positive" you are when you see the world and everything me how I see it and deal with the shitty hand life gave me. Theres also that "trapped" feeling and the hopelessness of it all.
|
self.depression
|
Screw my old job!! I was the maintenance supervisor at a long term care hospital, this place is a giant 5 story building. I only had 1 maintenance guy on my team we were over worked and under paid. I gave them an ultimatum i wanted a $6 dollar an hour raise to put me at median wage or i was going to go work somewhere else. I single handily saved that company over $500k a year in repair costs. at first they told me sure we are going to give you the raise but never did so i quit and started working for my old boss again for the same wage i was getting at the hospital. the hospital hired a guy to replace me and he has no idea what he is doing and calls a vendor out for everything so i got the last laugh haha, then just last week i got a call out of nowhere from another long term care hospital and they wanted me to come be maintenance supervisor at their hospital, i figured i was holding all the cards since they called me to work for them and got my self that $6 an hour raise with the promise of $2 more after 90 days and a way smaller hospital my current boss is kind of mad that i am leaving again so quickly but i smoothed it out by getting him a friend of mine to work for him. this coming year is going to be great
|
self.offmychest
|
Comparing yourself to others. While in college I got hooked on drugs, made awful decisions that will follow me for the rest of my life, hurt myself physically amd mentally, was high 24/7 to cope, and slept away days and stayed up nights anywhere from 3 to 18 hours on a wildly irregular schedule. I failed all 3 semesters and once home I was tested and got diagnosed. After leaving college at 18, now approaching 20 I am slowly making progress on my goals. I can wake up on time now, work more consistiently and efficiently, goal oriented, had a job for a while, found one reliable thing that can make help me feel happier at the end of the day, stopped my crazy sleep cycle, cooking REAL FOOD for myself regulary, and slowly I am starting to appreciate my small victories...However I always hear my friends in college talk about how they are succeeding in studies, getting involved in so many opportunities, relationships, tests, sex, jobs, good grades, passions, and overall experiences that I never got a chance to have and am nowhere near to their level of achievement. I know it's a slow process and I'm getting better a little at accepting that but trying to act happy hearing about my friends' life or even randomly hearing how well someone else is doing and moving forward hits me harder than anything and I can't shake that off of me. I don't know what to do because I don't want to compare myself because I know it is unhealthy and destructive but rn Im just sitting in a bathtub, crying, frustrated about this, and don't know how to stop because I want to be happy with myself. I don't know what to do, I want to hear other people's experiences if that's okay.
|
self.bipolar
|
Are you ever too trusting? I don't know if this is a bipolar thing or just how I am but I feel like I get too excited about friendship and my circle of friendship is everyone I meet and I keep learning the hard way that not everyone is my friend. Are any of you really trusting as well?
|
self.bipolar
|
Took the social media plunge Finally mustered up the strength to log off and delete my Facebook, Snapchat , and instagram. It’s been a couple days and it’s nice. I’m getting used to it. I don’t know what to do with my hands anymore. If I was in public or around people talking I would usually just go on my phone so it looks like I’m doing something worthwhile. I’m hoping this forces me to slowly overcome this dumb ass thing that stops me from functioning like a human being in any situation that involves other human beings.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.