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I think she could be the one but I don't know how to feel about it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’m an atheist. After living in a Christian family and having mostly Christian friends throughout my life, I have decided that I don’t believe in it, or anything for that matter. I don’t know how to tell the people around me, especially my parents, because it’s such a big deal to them. Not that they aren’t very accepting and understanding of all people, I just know that it is very important to my parents to teach us Christian values and have us follow and believe in them. I have known that I am atheist for a few months now, but I have not been able to tell anybody. While I want to tell them, but I just picture them trying to convince me to be a Christian. I know that I 100% don’t believe in all that and I just can’t sit through that. I just hope that one day I will have the strength to tell people and they will respect my views.
P.S. sorry for the rambling and run on sentences
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self.offmychest
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It's gotten to the point where i'm so sad i cant even cry i'm worthless and nothing to anyone. i'm going to kill myself people have ruined everything in my life for me
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self.depression
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very close to committing suicide bc of my past. I want to overdose with pills bc I keep thinking about my past and it's haunting me badly. I did something terrible to my ex. I pressured him and he gave in to me asking to touch him and i feel so guilty and I want to fucking kill myself bc it's so shitty and I want to die and i cant get over it. I've been very close a few times but I don't even know why I still want to live. I don't know why I'm still here. I don't know what keeps me here anymore when it'd be so much more easier to die. I know I'm a shit person, if you guys are going to comment that and you don't have to tell me what I did was wrong bc I know that very well. I'm gonna die tonight
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bsjkx bbbd It’s a good thing I don’t have any money right now, otherwise I would have no money! (:
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self.bipolar
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The other shoe dropped I thought I shook this off at Basic training. Before I left, I was drinking, smoking, and generally intoxicating myself into oblivion, but once I got there, I was happy, or close to it. In general, I think I was to busy to feel much of anything. Now, three weeks into AIT, I thought I was OK. I'd crawled my way out to the other side, and everything was fucking pleasant, like a goddamn daydream. I was active, full of energy, indominably happy. Then, this morning, I felt the overwhelming urge to just lay back down, and stop. That dismal narrator I thought I'd finally slipped past started up again. 'God, people are annoying' 'Why is everything so shit' 'Why is everyone but me so fucking happy' 'What changed about me, but not everyone else' 'I just want to put my head down, and never lift it back up'. I seriously just want to not be here right now. If I was back home, I'd swallow something, anything, that could make me disappear for a while, but here that's not an option. There's really nothing I can do about it, I guess, but I just wanted to vent. Telling anyone else around me could have bad consequences (the army isn't really hip on soldiers with depressive tendencies), so I figured maybe the internet could empathize.
TL;DR: The other shoe dropped, and I'd really just like to go to sleep, and never be forced to wake back up.
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self.depression
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The Australian chat lines are closed. I just need to talk. As title, all of the Aussie lines are closed, just spent $5 on skype for a 10 minute phone call to the 1300 number at lifeline :/ Is there an IRC here?
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self.SuicideWatch
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To the cop who pulled me over Bro, i am no idiot. I get it, i was going 71 on a 60 freeway the same as the guy in front of me but, you dont have to be a dick. You came up behind me super fast with maybe 20 feet between us, the lane was ending, and i assumed you were gonna go around or something so i went left then you flipped your lights on. Considering i was already in the left at that point and no chance to make it to the right with you tailing me.That kind of shit makes me really dislike cops. And i stood by your side. Despite all the negative press cops get as a whole i defended you guys. I defended your job against even my wife who has nothing but bad experiences. You gave me no chance of any sort to pull off to the right side of traffic. None at all and then proceed to treat me like an idiot because you give me no warning when pulling me over? Yeah, i get it, i drive fast. Thats it. I know what i am doing, i know how to drive.
I have notice a couple things: A) cops either speed up right to my ass then turn their lights on almost right before they run into me then pull me over, B) you do the same shit as above then turn into the lane.
I hate to say it but, what people say about law enforcement as a whole, seems more and more true with every run in i have. The lasted thing i needed was a cop bullying me by making me feel inferior and incompetent today. Basically, dont be a dick, thanks.
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self.offmychest
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the most difficult thing ab anxiety This isn't necessarily a rant, but hopefully this post strikes a chord w some of u. I think what has been the most difficult part of having anxiety is the stigma around it--the fact that it isn't necessarily physical. If u have a physical disability, it's readily visible and understandable. With anxiety and other forms of mental illness, it's almost like it is an unspoken topic. Ever since I had my first panic attack out of the blue during my third year of university three years ago, I've had trouble coming to grips w just what anxiety means to me and how I can relay that to close ones. Luckily, after the first few months, I have rarely had panic attacks, but I think the biggest thing w anxiety is the knowledge that it can be triggered at anytime. I've found it just easier to slide it under rug, to not talk ab it, which is the problem itself. Especially in the UK, I do feel that mental health is becoming a bit more prioritised, but I'd be interested in hearing what u all feel are steps that should be taken going forwards in your respective countries
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self.Anxiety
|
Medication least likely to cause weight gain? I’ve been on Lexapro for 6 months and didn’t realize how much weight I’d gained until recently.
First it was just a couple pounds but now I’m up to 7-10 pound increase.
I’m going to talk to my doctor about alternatives but I’d like to do some research.
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self.Anxiety
|
Does treatment REALLY work?? I have been depressed since my early teens and Im 18 now. I really dont know how to find a good counselor. The one I went to recently brushed off my symptoms. I need treatment but I dont know how to find a good therapist and I really am hopeless it will work.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else fantsize being born into a different lifestyle? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I made it to 15 :) Before on this subreddit I posted about how I was going to end it all in my birthday before I turned 15. Here I am though. Although my family situation hasn’t gotten a lot better there’s still proof that it’s going to get better over a course of a year or so. Anyways don’t mind this I just feel proud.
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self.SuicideWatch
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If I hate being like this so much why can’t I fucking get and do something about it? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Cyclical Stagnation I finished my degree a month and a half ago, and since then I've done nothing productive at all. Barely going outside. I was supposed to get a job by now. I was supposed to get one months ago, really.
I've heard the saying, 'Enjoy University (College), they'll be the best years of your life.' And I just 'did' it, not meeting any life-time friends or making any memorable experiences. I was just 'there' and four years later in a three-year degree (after failing two different semesters of subjects), It doesn't feel like four years. It feels like one at most. I can barely remember most of what happened there anyway (Which speaks volumes about my attention).
If that saying is true, and the best times to appreciate in life have allegedly just flown by... I can't say I'm especially keen on whats in store for the future. I'm not keen on anything much these days. Just swapping between bed and pc games. I don't think I have any friends anymore, not ones I meet in person anyway. I haven't had a close friend that you 'hang out' with since high school 5 years ago. Just one friend I talk to over VOIP from time to time, if that. I'm one of those people who has lots of online acquaintances, but few friends. University has taught me, if anything, that putting in the minimum effort to pass is how you get through. How sad. What a waste of energy and time I became to the people who ever tried. Funny, heh.
I can't seem to get motivated enough to try muddle my way into any job at all, since I don't really believe in myself, I don't think I have any valuable qualifications, or have any meaningful value to anyone, because I don't really.
I think I might get through life if things don't get worse, but most likely doing nothing special, important, or meaningful. I am one of the people you read about in statistics when they say 'Most people never do anything memorable in history.' And to think I had such a vivid imagination of how my life would turn out in the future. Younger versions of me would be so disappointed.
And the world keeps on spinning. o7
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self.depression
|
My time on 1 north They say starting to write is the hardest part. Well, they're right. My hands shake as I write this post and my stomach churns at what I'm about to talk about, but something inside me tells me that I need to write. Always has. So, here it goes. This is "My time on 1 North".
Last Monday, I admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital. "What happened?!" you must be thinking. I was doing great; I had just been put on six-month visits at my psychiatrist's office. I was working, mom-ing, wife-ing, adult-ing in general like a pro. And then, I just broke. One fine day, my OCD reared it's ugly head and I started having what are called "intrusive thoughts" telling me to kill myself. If you're unfamiliar with intrusive thoughts, imagine a GIF, or a movie clip, playing on loop over and over again in your head. Except it's not of a cat riding a roomba, or your favorite scene from Harry Potter that's playing, it's a voice telling you "kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself" over and over again. And it's graphic, too. It tells you how and exactly what it would look like, too.
Maybe my meds weren't quite right, maybe I was experiencing post-partum depression, maybe my thyroid hormone was too low, or maybe it was all of those things. It didn't really matter, but I knew it wasn't OK, and that I was not OK.
Then, the agitation and the anxiety kicks in. Imagine feeling blue, but having all the energy in the world. Imagine having every motivation to do something, anything, but none of the ability to focus on one thing at a time. Enter: the bipolar mixed episode. All the feelings of depression, coupled with all the energy of a high-strung Type A and you've got yourself the perfect suicidal storm.
Seeing this for what it was, I took myself straight to Intake at Mercy Hospital and, for once, was honest about my symptoms, and, boom- admitted. Turns out it's pretty easy to get help if you say the magic words to a doctor. Whether or not it's the help you need is another story entirely, but, ask and you shall receive.
After waiting for about four hours in Intake, I was finally awarded a bed in the psych unit known as 1 North. Enter: my first night in Hell. First was the strip search to note any bruises, marks, or, in my case, cuts, and to make sure you had no sharp objects on your person. Then, all of my personal belongings were taken and catalogued and locked away. That includes your cell phone and, in my case, my pants. I was wearing yoga pants with strings on the bottom so those were confiscated, as was the string on the SLU hoodie I was wearing. I was given paper pants to wear for the remainder of my stay, and all jewelry was taken away, wedding rings included, because there is my metal allowed on the unit- and they mean it-not even my precious bobby pins were allowed. They immediately drew my blood and sent it away to be tested for a CBC and lipid panel. Little did I know, my thyroid hormone test would come back extremely low, which in itself is enough to make anyone feel crazy and depressed. I was given an anti-anxiety med called hydroxyzine and some trazodone for sleep and sent on my way. And by sent on my way, I mean allowed to sit in the common area which contains the world's most uncomfortable chairs and a television. What does one do with oneself when you're alone in the most foreign place you've ever been with nothing to do but sit at stare at the Winter Olympics (it was Curling, for God's sake)? Personally, I went straight to bed with my new roommate already asleep on the bed next to mine in the most sterile sleeping environment imaginable. White walls, no pictures, a single thin pillow, and closed blinds. Enter: my first night on the psych unit.
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self.bipolar
|
Meds have no effect So about 3-4 years ago I've been diagnosed with depression\anxiety and have been prescribed various combinations of ~6 types of antidepressants of different "families", per my doctor's recommendations (Two doctors actually... The first retired a year ago).
As far as I can tell, none had any effect whatsoever. The only thing somewhat resembling an effect is the slight nausea I get when I take them on an empty stomach.
It is also worth mentioning that I've been in therapy for that entire period.
I'm mostly posting in order to ask about your experience, and whether anyone had been in the same situation. I feel like everything I hear about antidepressants is how strong their effect is, and how even ones that don't have any beneficial effects has unmistakable adverse ones (Complete "flattening" of emotions, for instance). Feeling straight-up nothing makes me wonder if I truly am clinically depressed or just really sad or something. I actually feel like anxiety, rather than depression, is more of an issue for me in my daily life, and I'm wondering if maybe I should get a different kind of treatment.
Second, I was wondering if you have any ideas for other things that helped you and I could try. I've tried doing a genetic test that was supposed to match me with drugs that are specifically effective for me. It yielded three recommendations, one of which I tried to no avail. Currently trying the second one. About two years ago I tried dropping meds altogether but it didn't seem to make a difference, positive or negative.
Right now I'm also trying some dietary supplements (Zinc, magnesium, calcium) because I heard it might be effective.
Third, I think my indicator for whether or not a pill works is if I still get into a period of more intense depression\anxiety\sadness\whatever, where I don't really function for a week or two. I usually get that once every few months and then try to change something with what I'm doing.
I was just wondering whether or not this is even worth treating or maybe I should just accept that pattern as a part of my personality and be done with it. I'm kind of going through one of these depressive episodes right now, and i feel like it has already messed my semester up pretty bad, but maybe I should just wait it out?
This has been really long, and I guess not the most readable since i'm not fluent in English. So thanks a lot if you got this far. At the very least, It helped me vent a little bit.
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self.depression
|
"Cognitive impairment happens even when patients are well, in between manic or depressive episodes." "The theory about why this cognitive impairment happens is that each manic or depressive episode is associated with overactivation of the adrenal glands, which leads to excessive production of steroids, which are harmful to the brain (they kill neurons: “excitotoxicity”). Each mood episode harms some neurons, so that, over time, multiple mood episodes will lead to neuronal death, and the most sensitive part of the brain to steroid-induced excitoxicity is thought to be the hippocampus, which is the main region involved with short-term memory. Hence hippocampal atrophy occurs over time in mood illnesses. Thus, even when mood episodes eventually are controlled with adequate treatment, this long-term cognitive impairment, the result of past mood episodes, can persist. It may be an important factor behind the fact that depression and bipolar illness increases the risk of eventually developing Alzheimer’s dementia 2-4 fold."
https://sites.google.com/site/tuftsmooddisorders/education
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self.bipolar
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Does it get better? How do I make it get better, faster? I'm such a mess right now. I went to bed and woke up within 4 1/2 hours or so. I took my Vistaril after feeling anxious all morning and then got sort of queasy and gagged, then thought I was going to die from my Vistaril interacting with my amox-clav until realizing there are no interactions. Now I'm just laying in my bed, home alone, unsure of what to do.
When does it all get better? I randomly developed this panic disorder around 3-4 months ago (out of seemingly nowhere) and it's not stopping. I want to be normal again.
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self.Anxiety
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I suck. I'm working on something that's already 24hrs overdue with a deadline I've set myself with a lot of leeway. It's not like I'm not working on it. I am. For two days now. It's not even that big of a project. Now, I'm feeling frustrated and the more frustrated and angry I feel, the less I'm able to sit long enough to finish this thing. This happens all the time now and has caused all sorts of issues for myself, my work, and my family this year. I hate it. I hate myself for being such a weak ass. I hate it so much...
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self.offmychest
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It comes and goes as it pleases. 40 minutes ago I was trying to overcome my anxiety and go down to the gym.
10 minutes ago I am in the apartment looking down and trying to pull myself over the fence; surely I wouldn't be able to survive falling 20+ floors.
Right now I am just sitting here, looking down. Wondering what is the point of everything. Am I calm? I don't even know. Why am I doing this. I don't fucking know.
But no matter how many times I look down from. the balcony and try to reach down, I always end up back in my room.
Time to suck it up and work on that assignment I have been putting off.
Doubtful that the teacher will accept 'I was feeling suicidal' as an excuse for passing up homework late.
...Overwhelmed, would be a good word to describe me I think.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Reposting from /r/Anxiety; I got no response there. Mild social anxiety getting in the way of work
So I need to earn some extra cash. Well not need, but want. It will help. My university campus is involved in JoyRun, a service in which volunteers make trips to fast food places for students and deliver. I have delivered a little bit before and done just fine. But I've been to anxious to do it the last several weeks. The app interface is awful. I'm afraid to fuck up someone's order. I bought extra paper bags to help organize customers' food and bottles of soda to offer if I screw up. But I still am afraid to get in my car and start accepting orders. I tell myself it's because of the bad app interface, but other "Runners" do just fine. They don't seem to care or give a fuck if they fuck up; they just deal with it if/when it happens. But I can't even make it that far. Well I can. But I'm too cowardly to get the practice I need to get there.
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self.depression
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How can we turn overthinking into something positive? Reading this article https://www.powerofpositivity.com/5-benefits-overthinking/ I realized that we can turn our overthinking into positive and beneficial things. If someone has managed to do that, can he share in the comments how for all of us who haven't? :)
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self.Anxiety
|
Story, am feeling extremely depressed Please help. (long story) Hello, I don't really know where to start, but just to let you know, I have terrible dyslexic, so if my grammars of then I am sorry.
When I was a young boy, around 6 years old, I was told after some test's, that I had ADHD (I don't) then I was also diagnosed as being, borderline autistic, and having learning differcults, I was bully'ed a lot in School, I use to be called spack Dan (short for spastic) up until about year six, I was in a main stream school, then I got sent to a special needs school as my secondary school, for kids with problems like mine.
I liked that school, it was nice, I find I was a lot smarter then most the students there though, in fact later on in that school, I was talking the teacher rather then the students, some of them were a bit funny about that, but most were not, I also started to notice what problems I had, I've never been hyper in my life, and as we know something around %60 of the people with ADHD, have quite possibly been miss diagnosed and I think I am no exception, I started to notices that I had very very poor reading, and I also got my, p's and 9's the wrong way round, and that's the same for other letter's and I found it very very hard to read I learn to read, when I was 16 before that I could not read anything, some people out side of school use to take the piss, out of me by saying, "Dan spell elephant"..... I still can't spell that fucking word to this day! lol I also noticed I had problems writing, and I was terrible at sports, compared to my friends outside of school. then I found out I could be dyspaxia. so I got the school to get people to come in to check out about that, and they said I had both dyslexia and dyspaxia. I did not understand the important's of school, the one problem with the school I went to, was I could not do many GCSE's I did not get to do English sciences or maths, GCSE's. After I left school.
I started working in the family shop, it was not a normal job, it was a specialist DIY store, it had been in the family for 60years, as a tool shop, and my fathers family own it for over 100years, and the building was over 500 years old. It was not like I normal job the pay was terrible, but I kinda liked the job, you had to do key-cutting, and have good production knowledge, we would also often have to repair locks sometimes, and sort out lock smiths to come to people houses, and I would buy in stock, if I thought something would sell, after speaking to the reps, that would come into are work, I would get to buy any new products that I thought would sell well, I would be trusted to deal with shitty customers also. I got rather good at selling at are shop, I liked helping people, it was fun when we were busy, I worked there for 7years, until it closed down, more on that later.
Now after school I did try to stay in contact with some of the people from my school, but none of them made any effort, so I just stuck with my friends outside of school, this was OK until they are started going to uni. I also released I may not be very normal sexual I always wanted a girl friend my hole life and it was never my looks, if you were to look at me about 3 years ago, you wold not be able to tell I was autistic, and for that matter if you spoke to me you would not think it, I can talk about just about anything, and I love history, and I love politics and most of all I fucking adore sciences. I also love philosophy, debates were something I liked to do, with friends. But I've always find I get scared talking to girls, not so much now, but back then I did, girls always seemed kinda scary to me, I don't know if this is due to the terrible relationship I have with my mother, she is smart, and we get along for the most part, but she drinks every night, and can sometimes say nasty things, one time she hit me with a mag light touch on the elbow, a few weeks later she tried to do this again, I lost my temper, I grabbed her head and slammed it as hard as I possibly could on the wall. I doubt many people can say they've hit a woman, I would think even less could say they've knocked out there own mother. I felt terrible about that, still do I've never touched her since, sometimes she makes me angry, so after that I would just go to my room and cry, I started crying myself to sleep when I was about 18, I still do this now, I am 22.
Anyway, so I am not sure if it's the bad relationship I have with my mum, but I noticed I do really like women's sexual organ I know this sounds kinda weird, but at the same time I liked the hair and breasts legs etc, and I didn't find guys to turn me on what so ever. then I noticed I was attracted to transsexual girls. I new this for years, before I told anyone, my friends could not understand why I would never pull at a night club, being that I am quite good looking, they were clueless, my personalty seems very straight. I must have spent well over a grand on cam sites, it was the only way to talk to those people. then one day about a year ago, at the start of Nov, I got tired of being alone, I wanted to meet someone, so I join a dating site, after a week I started talking to someone, she was nice, very very smart, good looking. I was happy for once, I arraigned to meet her, (she was studying a few hours away from wear I live) Told my mother, she seemed shocked, said well I wanted kids.... but was ok about it after. I was not sure weather to meet her or not, she seemed to be bio polar, I was very close to not going to meet her, just because I could tell she had problems. at the same time, this motvated me to start eating healthy I went from 11stone something to 9stone4, I got a six pack, I'd never had one in my life, I went runny every day, I worked out all the time, I wanted to look good. I was sleeping very very well, I was so happy, and looked so good back then. now I don't want to talk about her much, as it's someone else I am talking about, let's just say it did not work, she was kinda using me for the attention, but at the same time, she did kinda need help, and I would stupidly offer to buy her not loads but a fair bit of stuff, and I was not on good money, I was just good with my money.
It was not nice, to know that someone was using you the hole time, kinda makes you want to kill yourself, and makes one feel thick as fuck, I'd loved her, and to her I meant fuck all. that's the worst bit, I never really meant anything, all the time I spent wonder how she was doing, she probably never even thought about me. It was my fault though, thought I don't blame her, I should have known, she could have told me though, I'd have been upset, but not angry no one wants to be with someone like me who's got nothing going for them, I'd have understood I am a fucking loser, and she has stuff going for her.
after that lasted about 5months, with me thinking it was something, I kinda started eating and eating loads, now it's got to the point where I don't want to go out, and I use to love seeing people, helping people like homless talking to them, I don't want to leave my room anymore, it's revolting to, I use to be really clean, now I can't be botherd I don't sleep much, I have had 2 hours sleep in the last 3 days, I had to go to the hospital after taking loads of paracetamol, I was in hospital for 3day's they told me they would help me get help, but they told me after that people that OD are able to see anyone. I got really upset, I ended up screaming at the women that I was going to slice her throat, she was so scared she never saw me again, I was not gonna do anything I was just really upset and angry, but I should know better then to act like a kid. now I've been finding I just keep cutting my forarms, with a serrated blade, I find it give's a little bit of a rush. I also have put on loads of weight going upto 12stoned I am ugly as fuck, and hate myself, I wish I had the balls to just end it, but I don't think I do yet, I might just buy loads of drugs and OD on something, I don't know what to do. I've also started smoking weed about 5months back, I know this is not gonna help, but atm it just gives me something to do.
I did go back to college for a short time, but they didn't give me any help, I tried to tell them that, I know for a fact I could understand all the work, and would have done well, but I can't read information like normal people, I can read it out load, but not understand what i've just read. I am a little bit slow, once people started taking the piss out of my hand writing I left, also the teacher took the piss due to a spelling test I got 3 out of 16, in front of the class she took the piss that's why I OD in the first place.
Last but not least I do have a job, and I hate it, the people I work with are all thick as shit, I know that sounds harsh, but I can't talk to them about anything interesting, I have no one with the same sorts of interests working there, they don't like the fact I spend to much time with customers, even though lots of people have said how good I was to talk to, they just want to pick up the items as fast as I can, they don't give a fuck about how I speak to people, yet that's what I am good at. the shop I use to work in closed down, and now I have a job that does not challenge me slightly... it's funny because all I wanted to do about a year ago, was helping people with metal heath problems, I know I must sound like a angry guy, but the truth is I am really calm, I have never had a fight on a night out, I hate confrontation, and I know nothing good comes of it. I am just so depressed it's making me angry, I want to go metal all the time, because I feel like I am going to have a break down, there's more I could tell you, the fact I eat till I am sick now, the fact my mum gets drunk every night and bangs on my door around 11pm, telling me I am a freak, the fact I don't know what sexuality I am, there's more to everything, but I don't know wheather anyone will want to help so Ill just leave it at that, I'd really appreciate some help I hate myself more then you could possibly Imagine.
thank you, if you have taken to time to read, please ask me anything, I've pretty much told you guys a lot about me anyway.
also I've had one read of it, sorry if I miss anything.
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self.depression
|
Started Lexapro 10 mg today for GAD and I’m very excited/anxious about what is to come. I (F/25) took a low dose of Lexapro while in college and one day after a comment from an out of line Pharmacy tech I decided to stop refilling my prescription. It took me 5 years to connect the dots between my declining grades in school, switching majors, breaking up with my long term boyfriend, and now having no ability to focus or motivation at work to when I stopped taking that medication.
I was originally prescribed the pills to deal with some symptoms associated with my PMS but had no idea Lexapro can assist in managing anxiety as well. I’m so excited about the possibility of returning to my motivated, friendly, out going and hard working self but VERY nervous about returning to the zombie beginning stages, low sex drive and feeling dependent on a pill.
I can talk to my husband about what’s going on but he definitely isn’t comfortable discussing mental health and self reflection so I’m hoping to take this journey with all of you. Thank you all!
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self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety and Sexual Feelings Hey everyone. I'm a 19 year old white male and I've been struggling with some problems with sexual feelings and urges for a long time and was wondering if anyone could help me out.
So for a while now I've had a problem when it comes to sex-related things, I tend to regard them as somewhat dangerous and dirty. If I masturbate, for example, afterwards I feel dirty, anxious, and sometimes my upper left arm will start to burn and ache for long periods of time to coincide with the other feelings. The weirdest thing is that I feel like if I don't sleep for a couple of hours after engaging in sexual activity, that the pain in my arm, the dirty feeling, and all the rest will never go away. This makes sleeping difficult sometimes and can cause me to worry greatly.
Does anyone here suffer from a similar problem? If so, how do you deal with it?
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self.Anxiety
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Getting stuff done Any tips on how to take action. I have hobbies that I want to pursue like drawing but a lot of the time assign my anxiety to the idea of doing the hobby so I never get it done, leading to me sitting in bed all day. I don't know why everything seems so important all the time it's very frustrating
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self.Anxiety
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Flashbacks I have vivid flashbacks from years ago constantly and just can't seem to let the old memories go.
I constantly look back on photos and see myself trying to enjoy activities I once participated in. It makes me incredibly sad in so many ways. I used to struggle so hard just trying to enjoy activities, relationships, and work that my life revovled around. Even though I struggled I still had it in me to push on.
I remember this trip I had with an ex gf. We went down south for some fun in the sun. I feel like crying thinking about it and I have. It was supposed to be a fun trip, we met up with friends and partied on the beach it should have been great. I was in a terrible mood and grumpy most of the time. Willing to snap on my s/o at any second. I didn't want to be like that at all but I was fighting something in my brain that told me I shouldn't be happy.
My ex really truly loved me. She would have done anything for me. My family loved her and I wanted to. I treated her like shit and I know it. I used to get on her shit everyday for something. I was almost jealous of her and resented her for being happy with herself. Not intentionally but I'm programmed with this disease to not know what that feels like and Its unbearable. I can remember this one vividly too. It'd be a nice sunny day and I'd be mowing the lawn at the house we rented. Shed come up the drive just waving like crazy because she was happy as hell to come home everyday and see me. Shed immediately come out to greet me with a kiss. I was always just pissed off for some reason. It's terrible I never wanted to be like that. I used to recite in my head "ok today I'm going to be happy and love her" But I never could. She eventually left me, who would want to deal with me everyday. At the time I hadn't been diagnosed bp. If we would have know she would have been the first one in the doctors office with me trying to figure it out.
I have a plethora of memories like that vacation, or any other activity that really haunt me. Now I basically don't do anything. Quit my jobs moved back in with the parents, sold or gave away all the things that mattered to me. I hate this illness.
I have alot of night terrors, nightmares, and flashbacks that have been persistent for the last few years. Once my ex left they started and its pretty much ruined me. IF I wouldn't have been sick we would still be together. I push everything away that I love.
Wondering what other people's stories are with flashbacks, nightmares, or night terrors.
Sorry for the formatting I don't know why my phone posts like this.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm a dissapointment I felt like I getting better. Why do I feel like cutting when I am surrounded by people who care about me? I wish I had the power in me to just end it. I bring people down with me and i don't want to do that anymore.
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self.depression
|
Freaking out about the end of the universe and Earth. I clicked on a article about and now I'm freaking out. The idea of everything I know turning into nothing fucking terries me. Is there any positive solutions to these two?
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self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone ever had success using a DBT or CBT workbook on their own? I just bought one, and I'm not much of a self-starter in the best of times. So I'm just wondering, if you've had any success using one of these workbooks, how did you do it? Any advice on this matter is appreciated.
Thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
I don't know why being depressed makes showering the most daunting task ever created When I'm like this I think I would literally rather run a marathon than actually get up and shower. It's been like 4 days.. Just something about it is like a giant hurdle
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self.bipolar
|
I give up I really give up I just lost my job, very angry at myself And now I know I can't get good at anything. How come my friends get good jobs (for an example one of them is a graphic designer and I am no longer friends with him anymore cause I got into a fight) And I can't cause I lost my job. It's all over for me like really almost no friends no job no car. It's the end for me :(
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Coming out of an abusive relationship about a month ago, I'm happier than I've ever been. After being tied down for nearly a year, stuck in a cycle of being punched, kicked, put down and wanting to die, I got the realisation that she was mistreating me. I have never been in a lower position than what I was. I have scars all over my body from where I've been beaten up, burnt, stabbed, attacked. I absolutely depsised what I saw looking back at me in the mirror. Everything was out of place. She made me hate my personality, my body, my everything.
I have one best friend and he helped me out of all this. My father has accepted me back into his home until I find my feet. I never realised how loved I was as a person until this all happened. My best mate has put in endless effort to help me and I'm feeling good. I've been to a few parties, made some friends and last night got laid. Everything is so good and life has never been better.
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self.offmychest
|
Just wondering about anxiety meds When you change your meds do you always get a killer headache?
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self.Anxiety
|
Chest pain and trying to remind myself that I’m okay. I’ve always had chest pains when it comes to anxiety and I’m okay with. It normally just comes and goes and I’m fine. But last week I had this sharp stabbing pain right in the middle of sternum that wouldn’t go away, and after about 2 hours or so of it.. I finally got myself to go to the ER to see if it was a heart attack.
So I go to the ER.. blood work, chest X-ray and EKG all came back normal. Which obviously is a good sign. But they had me follow up with a cardiologist to make sure.
Now I went to cardiologist and had a echocardiogram done and a pretty intense stress test done. And all that came back normal too. So woo right?! I got a little bit of comfort that everything came back normal.. but does that mean there is literally nothing wrong with me heart? I feel like none of the doctors have really given me a straight answer. The amount of anxiety that is in the back of head is becoming overwhelming at this point. Whomp.
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self.Anxiety
|
Not Really Good with Titles. Just seeking release. I'm more than willing that I'm not a good person. I know that I've fucked up a lot and done some shitty things. I try to improve, and for the most part I've been much better than I have. I still think about every mistake I've ever made, every thing I've ever done wrong, most nights.
I've thought about killing myself quite a lot before, I've tried a few times before. With any luck this time I'll succeed. It's hard being told that the person you love more than anything in the world doesn't love you anymore. It's actually crushing. I've had my fair share of shitty things happen to me in life, before I've usually had a reason to keep fighting and keep trying. I just don't see a reason to anymore.
I finally got a job after a good while of unemployment with the express purpose of buying a gun to shoot myself. Three weeks and I should be good. But, before that I've managed to find a (possibly) successful method for offing myself by making a sort of poison out of tobacco. I've got a fair amount of that at my house so I'm debating on giving it a shot. Probably going to up the dosage and steeping time to be safe, though.
There's not really a reason to keep going anymore and staying alive is now far too painful. I've been self-harming to distract myself from the emotional pain, so I've got that going for me at least. I don't know why I even posted this. I guess to get some of this out there. Not everything, but some of it. I think I'm done now. Goodbye.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
New job triggering severe anxiety I started a new job two months ago. I work for the same organization that I've been with for the past four years, just a different department. My new job is a lot of new information to learn plus I'm adapting to working in a much larger department. I've struggled with anxiety my entire life and any change usually causes me to spiral. I obsesses about work and my performance. If I deal with an unhappy customer it ruins my entire day. I'm so tired of constantly worrying all the time about any bad thing or situation in my life. I cannot deal with disapproval or failure. I've tried therapy and it was ok but ultimately didn't help me cope with my anxiety.
I have a doctor's appointment on Monday for a physical and I'm thinking about speaking to her about medication. I'm not sure if I should see a therapist again and avoid medication. However at 34 years old I'm tired of living this way.
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self.Anxiety
|
I've been on a mood stabiliser for three months now and nothing's changed. I had a manic episode last July after I've been put on an ssri (lexapro) for depression and anxiety for about a month and a half by my gp, and ever since the episode I was taken off of it and the psychiatrist I was referred to prescribed me a mood stabiliser (epilim/sodium valproate) instead.
I guess I'm not manic anymore so that's good for my bank account but I feel like I'm just back to my original anxious, miserable self and I really miss being on ssri (before the manic episode), when I felt like I was actually getting better. Is this how I'm going to be feeling for the rest of my life? Mediocrely miserable? Would it be possible for me to get prescribed an ssri again since I'm on a mood stabiliser now? Or do I need to wait more for it to work?
(I know I should probably be talking to my psychiatrist about my medication but I can't afford going to a private practice so I only get to see her once a month or so and I'm just kind of venting out)
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self.bipolar
|
story time Bear with me. Im sure you can write a drama series with this.
My mother told me (recently) that when I was 5 years old my father was on the binge and called me a "whipster". She told me she never saw me cry so hard as a child. I become quiet and withdrawn. I don’t remember ever hanging out with my dad. I do remember vividly my mom asking me not to tell kids at school that hes got a drinking problem. My mother tried to shield me from the abuse, she would lock me in my room along with my sister and we would blast loud music, or if it became worse we would run away to my grandparents house on the other side of the town. He wasn’t drinking all the time. He was an on/off alki.When he stopped the binge he would apologize to my mom and beg her to come back and she did because she loved him. I was bullied in school and my father would never step in, it was either my mom or my sister which seemed to make the matter worse for me. I never had any self esteem. When I was 10 I witnessed my mom having her head slammed against the ground by my father, in a delirious state, from an alcohol withdrawal. He denied everything after. It took my grandparents and my 15yo sister to pull him off her. Alcoholism is so common, I always tried to rationalise what was happening but it doesn’t change the fact the ordeal left me broken. Some days I would clutch my chest and chant “I don’t want to die” , must have been a sign of something. My mother had been given an opportunity to work abroad for a better pay and she took it, promising to bring us over (lying to my father that she will come back) and left us. For one year everything seemed normal, but the next year we had found out that my father was cheating on my mom and had thrown us out. It was the very first time I stood up to him. I was so angry that he did that, that I demolished my room with spray paint before we left. I was staying with my grand parents after that. My father would often meet me and give me a lot of money. He tried to use me as a bargain chip in the divorce. I was 12. Something broke inside me about that time. I started to skip school (whole 2 months) and go to my fathers place to play computer games at his. I was found out and my grandparents were furious with me and with him. He didn’t care I didn’t go to school. I even met his lover at some point. I was really resentful with my grandparents that they argued with me every day and beat me from time to time. I think that was onset of my anxiety and depression. About that time I had my first and unrequited love. The pattern of humility and abandonment would continue despite my genuine feelings. I become a laughing stock of my school because of the school skiving, so leaving the country was a clean slate I needed. It turned out my mother had a serious car accident and needed a face reconstruction surgery. She was stopping tears at the phone when I begged her to take me over to her. The accident, the hopelessness, being away from family, the divorce and everything in between must have taken a toll on her and she was depressed too. She was very irritable and would somehow viciously take it out on me. (break my xbox games etc) Moving country was everything I ever wanted, a dream come true. Everything was so different. I didn’t know English very well at the time and because of my upbringing I found it I could not fit in very well. I insisted I did not need help from school, that I wil learn English myself. I eventually did but there were a lot of awkward conversations where either side was misunderstood. When I told my mom I couldn’t focus on my studies she would mock me so I stopped talking to her about my problems. She would often cry that I hate her etc. On one hand she gave me a horrible childhood and upbringing. On the other hand she sacrificed her health and herself to provide for us. When I was 17 I fell in love with a girl who had a boyfriend, a typical friend zone scenario. She was the only girl in school that thought im not a total weirdo so naturally I started to like her. I did love her sincerely and tried to do anything I could so she could change her mind about her boyfriend and me. She seemed to enjoy the attention and would sometimes fuel my jelousy by telling me about him. That driven me to suicide. I oculd not handle the rejection and humiliation. One day I told myself that I will tell her that I love her and if she doesn’t say she loves me back I will kill myself. She was late to class so I attempted suicide. I was quickly saved and admitted to a mental hospital. She did visit me and everything but after a whil ei decided to cut all ties with her realising how toxic that relationship was. I failed my exams and was on the dole. History likes to repeat itself as I soon found out. .I didn’t find any reason to live so I thought that by living for someone else, someone I fall in love with, I will find some kin dof newfound energy to carry on, to start to take care of myself. I know now it doesn’t work like that, which makes me even sadder, as it feels like a lost cause to carry on with my unhappy life. Fast forward a few years I started working and fell in love with a girl at work, who was emotionally unavailable. Noticing the pattern I decided to spare myself the pain and tried to commit suicide. She saved me from killing myself, but was very distant after that. About that time my mother was going out with a guy and it turned out he had an emotional baggage as well, as hi sfather was a heavy drinker. He tried to be a father figure to me, but I didn’t need a father figure since I was 17-22 at the time. Especially since he had such a twisted idea of being a father. He used intimidation tactics and was very manipulative. He would tell me im worthless and have no job and just a parasite, and then tell my mom we “talked things out”. Worst thing is nobody would believe me at the time since I would lie about the smallest thing just so they would leave me alone. But they did eventually. Funny how he moaned about me not having a job but when I eventually got it he found some other excuse. I was playing computer games when he pulled the internet plug demanding to know why I didn’t help him repair my mothers phone. I explained to him why but he wouldn’t take that for an answer and kept asking the same question. It was some kind of weird abuse tactic. When my mom came back from work she noticed what went down and slapped him. He shoved her on the ground so I threatened him and then he went for me. I was surprisingly calm. Like I was ready for this moment my whole life. Deep down I promised myself I would not let my family be hurt again this way. I kept him at an arms length without punching him and my mother and sister pulled him off me. Eventually he calmed down when he realised I told my mom to get the neighbours. Police came round and he got done for assault on me. We had to sell the house. Worst thing is I felt more distressed about the girl than having to fight my stepdad. I loved her so much, I tried everything in my power so that she would like me back. I never had any friends, so I would buy my work colleagues souvenirs and stuff as a token of good will but that only seemed to make them jealous that I get to go to usa and stuff. I feel worthless, empty, humiliated. I don’t belong anywhere. My genuine love was perceived as lecherous manipulation by the girls peers. Nothing bring happiness anymore in my life. I wish I were dead. I’m going to a therapist right now. But I’m not sur eif it will help. In the media men are often portrayed as fantasising about money, cars gadgets. I wish I had friends and someone I could rely on. A girl to cuddle. It gets worse every day. I no longer shave or shower. Im horrible to my family. I lock myself in my room and sleep after work . I didn’t ask to be born. Ill be patient and see what another day brings.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I honestly don't know how to live my own life [deleted]
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self.depression
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i wrote my goodbye letter I'm running out of steam. Three decades was enough for me. I have so many blessings but deep inside I feel like I'm decaying. I try so hard to lead a "normal" life, but all of my efforts seem to give me half of what I put in. Not that it's important, but I thought I might leave a legacy of some sort. All I feel like is I've wasted resources and space. I can't do this anymore...I wish I was stronger...
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self.offmychest
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Sex when you are Manic... I just wanted to ask people in this sub what sex is like when they are manic. Do you crave it more or is your desire totally turned off? I would love to speak with anyone willing about this...feel free to send me a chat. Thanks!
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self.bipolar
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Just found out that I have adjustment disorder in addition to anxiety So I’ve known for a year and half now that I have generalized anxiety and social anxiety (I have had these for longer than 1.5 years, but I didn’t know for sure until I started therapy).
I recently ended it with my therapist because I moved and got a new therapist.
I requested my files be sent to me from my old therapist. According to the papers, I have adjustment disorder in addition to my anxiety.
My therapist never told me that I have adjustment disorder. In fact, she never actually told me that I have anxiety either, that was mostly self diagnosis.
Are therapists supposed to tell people what they are diagnosed with? Does it actually help me to know? And am I supposed to part of making my treatment plan or is that mostly just done by the therapist?
I guess I don’t really understand how therapy is supposed to work because I thought it was supposed to help me and make me feel better and I honestly don’t. But that could also be my own fault.
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self.Anxiety
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Why are some people unnecessarily hateful? I'm a sensitive guy. Always have been and I wish I was more of an outgoing typical English lad character but it is what is. I like reading, playing videogames, anime etc. I hate people that are just colossal dickheads for no reason more than to make themselves feel better about themselves. For example, I shared my opinion on something I feel strongly about on Twitter and a guy that I don't even follow quoted my tweet and said that I was an idiot. This isn't really a big deal and of course he hides behind an avatar that isn't him but it still annoys me. Why just disagree rather than name calling? I know it's social media and the internet at the end of the day but fuck off. I wonder if people like this have depression and take it out on others. I'm the opposite. My social skills are not great but whether in RL or on online I treat others with respect. I would never want anyone to feel as low as I have felt with depression. Then my parents wonder why I've lost faith conversing with others. Because the world is run by assholes.
One more example - When some people see I am awakward and shy in a workplace or something along those lines they choose to talk or laugh behind my back. I don't know what I have done wrong half the time. I know not everyone is like this. Thanks for reading if you could be bothered. Just a rant from me.
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self.depression
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Hello I hope you all had a merry Christmas!
I'm new here, but I should probably have checked in many years ago. Talking to other people helps some times, and you can't say everything to family and loved ones - atleast not in my case.
I'm 24 years old and I have been battling my demons since I was 8 years old. I used to do alright until I was in my midteens, but it all got much worse from there on out.
I have been thinking about suicide every day for the last 6 years. The reason why I haven't done it is because I don't want to leave my little siblings with the void of a lost brother. But then again, I can't keep living for someone else for the rest of my life.
All I do is work. I have 3 jobs. One full time and two smaller jobs. The reason why is because I hate being left alone in my own mind, so I try to keep myself occupied as much as possible. It's really though nowadays because I have lost a lot of weight. I don't really have the energy to do anything. As soon as I'm done working I go home to sleep.
I want to go out and catch up with friends and family, but my personality has changed too much now. My mind is all mushy and strange – like I'm just a shell of who I used to be. Keeping up in normal conversations is hard, and I'm too nervous to say anything. I don't even know what to say to people anymore.
I have tried to get help a lot of times, like talking to a psychologist, open psychiatric department. Even closed psychiatric department. This only messed me up even more to be honest, because it got in the way of my jobs. All my jobs are based on monthly contracts (it's hard to get a permanent job with my education. You normally have to work for 4 years until they have to hire you by law). I can't spend a lot of time getting help without the risk of losing my jobs.
Does any of you have any similar experiences, or maybe some ideas for what I could do?
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self.depression
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I hate myself. Please don’t respond, I don’t deserve it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am supersupersuper unhealthy. Symptoms of lung cancer. Can't tell anyone. Obvs, losing my shit.
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self.offmychest
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Brother trying to work with me Ive worked at a body shop for about 2 months now as a detailer and my brother quit his job and wants to try to work with me. He asked if we needed help and I just told him "You can try to talk to the owner", and we don't really need any more people. I don't hate my brother its just he has a hard time holding a job and I really want to move up and learn the trade. The thing that makes me anxious is having the talk with my boss about my brother comming in and applying and the questions that come with. I don't want my brother to be jobless but damn, I was anxiety free for a couple days and this brought it back.
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self.Anxiety
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Can someone talk to me? I just want insight on what I'm thinking. Whenever I think about killing myself, I always just say "fuck it, do it" and start over and try to be a different person. Usually this entails quitting my job, breaking up with someone, losing weight, etc. It usually works for awhile but things turn to shit again. Example, I broke up with my ex because she would hit me and blame me for eveything. I started over(quit my job, threw all my clothes out and started dating again). The new girl I'm with cheated on me and I want to start over again. This time I'm thinking of moving though. I'm pretty good at getting jobs and doing alright for myself. There's this quote that I like "I don't want to die but I'm hating how I live"
I constantly watch romantic movies and I want to seek a life like that. Just falling in love with someone who wont hurt me. I want to move to far away and find someone there and come back to my friends and family a better person. I don't know if this is a terrible idea though. I just finished a show called misaeng (the incomplete life, if someone else has watched it can we please talk about it) and this is what makes me want to do that. I really resonated with the character. I'm constantly depressed but I know it and push myself even though I feel like shit. I want a child and to give them the life I've never had.
I'm also currently not on my pills because of a problem with my healthcare. I'll be back on them soon hopefully.
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self.depression
|
Finally saw my psychiatrist again after almost 5 months. Saw my psych on Tuesday and we had a really good discussion. He said that I seem a lot better than the last time we talked and I do actually feel better than last time but I have still have some big issues. The main one I told him about is the fact that I cry or have to fight back tears at the smallest thing. Sad song, talking to a boss, or even a family member, trying to be even slightly assertive with someone, slightly sad song comes on, or like I get an intrusive thought that makes me sad at night I will usually cry at that.
I remembered that when we tried lithium last time, it really helped stop all of the suicidal ideation I always have, usually at night, and with intrusive thought and being overly sensitive. He told me he was just about to say the same thing. So I am back on lithium, 300mg once a day before bed since last night. Last time we did 450mg but it made me too foggy so we are gonna start at 300 as the low dose last time really helped without having to go higher even though I technically never reached therapeutic levels in my blood.
I remembered that it worked very quickly too. So I am very excited! Wish me luck everyone, I will keep you all posted!
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self.bipolar
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Mental effects after my mdma trip I'm not sure if anyone cares to read but for the ones who do I would like to say that, although the trip felt awesome and my mind was trippin balls. It made me realise a lot about myself and my mental health isssues. I can't really describe the feeling it's somewhere inbetween dread, anger, sadness and happyiness. I know that some fellow rollers might say its PMD but it isn't.. that's why I actually decided to post this..
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self.depression
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First time posting here. Feeling pretty low. THAT low. I even looked up on yelp where I can buy a gun and end it all for myself. But instead I'm going to bed. But still I had the thought. It would be quick and my sadness would be over. It would be selfish though, bc of my wonderful family and what it would do to them.
I just can't hack life. Happiness just wasn't in the cards for me like it is for other people. And I'm exhausted. Burnt out. So so tired. Just want to run away. Not enough reasons to stay. And yet I am. I didn't ask to be born. Didn't ask to be here. I have no desire to function. No will to function. It's especially bad today. But I have been blessed with so many gifts and still I feel wasted and useless and pointless. I don't even see a point in brushing my teeth or taking care of myself and I hate standing up for myself and making eye contact with people.
I hate everything and everyone. I just love to sleep bc that way, I'm not here for any of this. And I so envy the people who love and enjoy their lives. Good for them. I've tried. But it's just not for me I guess. Life is too hard for me. I'm not cut out for life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Ways of coping with depression, anger, frustration I was wondering what you do when you feel any of these?
I listen to heavy music such as heavy metal, thrash metal, dubstep, etc. Mostly Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth, Black Sabbath, Excision, some Skrillex etc. I also work out till I can't take it anymore, drink beer, wine, punch stuff, swear a lot and drive fast (not after drinking of course). And I do these all the time...
So, what do you do?
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self.depression
|
Anyone else hate their birthday? This is my first thread on reddit, but I felt I needed somewhere to reddit. Anywho, my birthday is tomorrow and my family usually doesn't make a big deal about it, but since i'm turning 21 my "dad" seems adamant about taking me to some bar to get me drunk which I'm not too thrilled about, but he'll probably throw a fit if I say no.
This just seems to be making my depression and anxiety worse and I feel like I just want to go into a coma until my birthday is over with.
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self.depression
|
I Shouldn't Have Kept Going I'm a high school junior, and I have clinical depression and severe anxiety along with a few disassociative episodes.
So, to kinda make a long story short, 2017 was the worst year for me by far. I lost my mother. We didn't have the best relationship. She had schizophrenia and lost all grip on reality. By the time we found her, someone ran her over on a freeway. I was also in an abusive relationship. He didn't hit me since it was LDR, but he emotionally manipulated me. Every time I didn't want to call he'd threaten to kill himself. He would get mad at me at the smallest things and blamed it on me being "smarter." Aside from that, the entire year was just disappointment after disappointment. I was even struggling with symptoms beforehand for years. Close call after close call, friend after friend either dropping me or relentlessly forcing me to keep going. I only started going to therapy this year, but even then, I can't see her often because my school only allows a certain amount of absences. The therapy sessions are an hour, class periods an hour and thirty.
Which, brings me to the title. With the limited resources, constant crying myself to sleep, wishing I hadn't lived this long, not wanting to tell my friends how deep I've fallen, I actually planned to kill myself December 21st. But a bit of an event involving a falling out prevented me from doing so. Long story short, my family snapped, making me snap, making me rant to a few friends who forced me to seek guidance.
I know that I probably sound pretentious as hell. I see people with more reasons than I. But it's the truth. I didn't kill myself on the 21st, so here I am almost a month later and in midterms. And I just got a truth bomb. I'm constantly worried about the future. And I was just told the chances of me actually being able to live my dreams out, working after college and finally finding peace up north, are next to zero.
Nothing feels real. And I honest to God don't want to keep going. I wish I did it. I wish I wasn't here right now honestly. I tried to find a suicide chat because it helped me tons more times in the midst of panic attacks and depressive episodes. But it's taking far too long. I've wanted to die for years now, honestly. I can't find too many reasons to keep going on. If anything, the trauma I'm carrying, I'm trying to cope with it, but I can't. I really can't.
I'm kind of rambling at this point. But right now, nothing feels real and I feel like hurting myself. I don't even know if I want to keep living, honestly. It seems pointless, honestly.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Have you ever asked yourself what is wrong with you? I do ALL THE TIME. I just don't understand why? Why am I constantly ignored? When I mean nobody, I mean people besides my parents, outside of my household.
Every time I meet someone, they smile to my face, but once I message the person, they either reply with one word or completely ignore me. No one reaches out to me, asking how am I doing, no one calls me to invite me anywhere. I'm just really sick of this cycle.
I LOVE my family and I know they love me, but I do want to have people to hang out with, have fun outside of the house. I have 0 friends, and literally the only few friends I had just started ignoring me completely. Stopped answering calls out of the blue .
Every single day, the question remains. WHY?
Is there something wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough? It could be. I was always called ugly in middle school. Do I have to dumb myself down and act like everyone else in this generation to be liked?
It's like I'm really really considering isolating myself from everyone. I want to isolate myself from people my age and just focus on my studies, my family, and just working towards success. I feel so stupid when I reach out to someone and that person just completely ignores me. I'm just sick and tired of this cycle, I feel like I have to chase after people, always be the one reaching out. If I don't, then nobody is aware that I exist.
Has anyone felt this way?
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self.depression
|
My wife just told me that i'm destroying everything and everyone around me. I think it would be better for everyone if i'm not around any more. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have no escape. I honestly don't have any escape.
Books I don't enjoy.
Movies I don't enjoy.
Video Games I don't enjoy.
Writing I don't enjoy.
Programming I don't enjoy.
My job I don't enjoy.
My friends I don't enjoy.
I fucking hate all of it. I was just triggered and exploded in anger because all I fucking wanted to do on my time off is watch some fucking step brothers and eat pizza. Due to unfortunate circumstances I am now at my grandparents at the fucking age of 28 and I have a minimum two months before I can leave. I need a car, I need a place, and everything is a fucking waiting game.
Every woman I've kept close in my life has hurt me in some way, some more direct, others more abstract. It's as if I'm meant to be beat down consistently so even the small things are unsatisfactory to me, or I'm unable to accomplish them.
Every choice appears to have some sort of backlash for me, and I have to work my ass off in order to get anything done. If life is a fucking trial by tribulation, I am fucking living it and all I want to do is destroy things.
I just have no space, nothing that I can truly keep myself from, there is always someone or something entering it and its truly frustrating.
I apologize, this may sound petty, its just that a lot of things in my life are boiling over me, and I'm sick of the waiting game for all of them. I know that life is difficult, but it's more that life is a constant uphill battle that I can never seem to win. I just want to catch a break. Have things go my way for once you know what I mean.
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self.offmychest
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I'm afraid I've come to a point where I'm using my depression as an excuse to do nothing.
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self.depression
|
My life is no longer liveable. Short edition of my story.
I took psyche drug and tried to come off them I ended up with bad brain damage,now nothing clicks in my head,nothing registers,I can't feel what things evoke I can't even feel what Christmas feels like,I never have thoughts,my head feels vacant.I use to do nothing but read,study and write novels and poems etc now I can't do any of it.I can no longer paint.I just feel like nothing sinks in or registers,or processes it's just awful.I don't see anyway I can live like this.
I also get no real sleep ever and am a wreck,this has gone on for five years again ever since I took the drug.I am completely constipated,again the psyche drug broke some mechanism related to that and this has gone on for a year now.I cannot live like this.
I have no support, if I tell my mom anything she doesn't understand because she's foreign,I don't think she even understands that I can get a brain injury from a psyche drug and just says pray etc.
I just have no support whatsoever.
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self.SuicideWatch
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worried About my Mother My mum is 53 and her mother, who lived until around 100 had very bad dementia before she died. My mum can be forgetful at times and I used to have really bad anxiety about her having dementia. That stopped but I have been in a stressful situation right now and have been more anxious than usual.
My mum bought my sister a pair of headphones and thought they were white but they're black. And now I'm freaking out. ...I'm really upset by this. I just don't even know anymore.
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self.Anxiety
|
I think tonight's the night I think it's finally time for me to move on... I can't deal with life anymore, and I'm not one to say, "I can't." I don't see myself going anywhere in my life. When I look around me at people my age, they're all doing something... Following a passion or working or raising a kid. I don't feel as if I'll fit in anywhere... No matter what I do. I'm going on a drive now
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self.SuicideWatch
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Sick and tired off being left out I’m always the one at home on weekends while all my friends are out at some party or doing something together. Without me. They all get the invitations, except me. They never try and get me invited and when I try to get myself invited, there’s already too many people or some other reason. While everyone is out having fun, I’m stuck by myself, wondering what is wrong with me. Why don’t people ever want to invite me or bring me along? Am I annoying? I am rude? Am I not a fun person to be around? I’m always pushed to the side in people’s minds, but I’m always told I’m fun and such a great guy to be around. I’m always left out of everything and I’m so done with it. I just want to go out and talk to people, hang out, and have a few drinks. Then when I am invited I’m not only surprised, and shocked that someone actually thought of me, and it has only happened twice in 3 years. I just want to be social with people I like, but it seemed like the people I like don’t want to be social with me. It’s starting to make me insecure and sad. I just want to be around people.
If socially frustrated were a thing, that’d be me.
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self.offmychest
|
Escaping poverty impossible? Is it true that iti is impossible to escape poverty? Especially if you're disabled (autistic) like me? If you have no decent education, or job, maybe even unemployable? What should you do in a situation like this? Because of that i am suicidal too. So can i escape poverty even if i am disabled?
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self.depression
|
My own mind is ruining my life and no one seems to care. Hi there.
I'm 15 years old and have been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past few years.
Now, before I start, please don't give me the whole "you're young and don't have life figured out" speech. I know. I'm just here to express how I'm feeling.
Okay. I had my worst battle with depression in April and May of 2017. I started cutting (I am now about 9 months clean) and wanted to kill myself. It was all I ever thought about. Because of my thoughts and actions, I started going to counseling. I did end up feeling much better, to the point that I stopped going in late August-early September. I thought things were really starting to get better, like how everyone said it would.
But I was wrong.
My anxiety has since become the worst it's ever been. I can't do the basic things I love anymore. It feels like my anxiety has taken over my life. It's a living hell that perpetually torments me.
I've tried talking to many people--my friends, the school counselor, and even my own dad (my parents are separated). But no one seems to truly listen. The school counselor, who is normally pretty understanding, dismissed it as "anxiety from school". Yet I'm in a constant--and what feels like a permanent--state of anxiety. My dad finally set up an appointment with my counselor after months of telling him that it's a crushing weight on my shoulders. I know you've all heard it before, but it feels like no one understands. Or rather, they don't care enough to try and understand.
All this anxiety is making me crazy depressed. I think about suicide most of my waking hours. It's different from before though. It's more in-depth; what I would write in my note, how and when I would do it, that type of stuff.
I say all of this, but I know I have friends and family who love me. I know they'd be hurt if I did kill myself. In fact, that's one of the very few things keeping me alive.
Now, I don't really *want* to kill myself per se--I feel like I have to. Like it's my only way of this mess. The only escape.
This probably sounded completely childish from many of your perspectives but for me, it feels like an absolutely unbearable pain and burden that I will never be able to get rid of. I guess I'm asking for advice, encouragement (but not that empty "It'll get better, hang in there" crap), pretty much anything. Just please try and help me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My son is a disappointment Not really relevant, but mentioning it for completeness: My son was originally my stepson after I married his mother. After she died I adopted him a number of years ago. He's now 18.
He is really starting to disappoint me a great deal. His lack of a work ethic, both in everyday life and at school (he's a HS Senior) is really becoming pronounced.
He owes me $2,000 from the summer that I've still not seen a penny of. Long story short he went to work at a place over the summer that I strongly suggested wasn't a good idea. The work turned out to be far less lucrative than was promised, and so the credit card I gave him for emergencies just turned into his daily expense account, and he ran up just short of $2,000 on it over the summer.
He promised me I'd have the money back by Xmas, that he'd get a job somewhere and pay me back. And while he has applied at various places, nothing has panned out. He'd said he "doesn't want to work fast food", and so refuses to apply at places like McDonald's or Burger King. Meanwhile, I'm $2,000 lighter, with no sign of when (or really if) I'm ever seeing that money.
He is failing English at school, which he needs to graduate HS. His average for the semester that just ended was not even 50. He doesn't care about it, and doesn't put in any effort. He knows that he can just do it on a computer via a credit recovery class, which is exactly what he did last year in another class, so because English isn't something he likes he just checks out. Sometimes he'll turn in some crappy work every once in a while, but for the most part he just does not give a shit.
Cars and motorcycles are the only thing that interest him. He says he wants to join the Air Force after graduating, stay long enough to qualify for the GI Bill, then use it to go to a trade school for automotive tech. At first I was opposed, since the Air Force isn't the safest thing to do, but I've now come to understand that it's probably the only thing that could possibly give him any discipline in his life, because he won't accept it from me.
He drinks, even though I've told him not to, and when he isn't at school he's sitting in front of the TV watching stupid YouTube videos (usually about cars or motorbikes) or playing on the PS4. If I ask him to do chores (I'll usually text him) most of the time they won't get done. He has a terrible memory, and just forgets, or sometimes "forgets". And so if I then keep reminding him of it he'll get angry and say "I'll do it", but usually forgets to do so. As an experiment I've not done the dishes in a couple of days so the kitchen looks like a train wreck (most of which is from him making himself food). Tomorrow I know it will still be there, because he will see it when he goes to make a sandwich and then just ignore it afterwards.
He is turning into someone I can barely tolerate. The person he is, the things he is doing, the dipshits he hangs around with, and while the $2,000 bill he has stuck me with isn't causing me issues day-to-day right now, it could in a few months. Dropping $2,000 down a hole isn't my idea of a good use for it.
He is messy, and my daughter and I have to constantly clean up after him. A lot of the time I'll walk in to find his cups and plates lying around the front room and his trash on the floor, because he was too lazy to actually walk into the kitchen and put it in the trash can.
I've confronted him, and even kicked him out a month ago when his level of disrespect for me reached new heights. He got on his bicycle and left. It turns out he went to stay at a friend's house who had no running water or Internet, so he slinked back the next day, with nothing really changing.
Right now it's 2am and all I can hear is him laughing and joking around with one of his friends on the phone (that I bought him - for his birthday) as he watches more stupid videos. His mother, if she were still alive, would be incredibly angry with what he is doing, too. He is wasting his life, and putting in place horrible habits that will be difficult to break down the line.
I have failed as his father.
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self.offmychest
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Urge is getting stronger Recently I have noticed the urge to up myself has increasingly become a lot more stronger than usual. Usually the feeling is there but it would be at a minimal but right now... with each passing days it’s developing into a urge that I want to fulfil. I’m scared, this is so strange and new to me. I have never felt like this before but it feels so exciting. I don’t know what to do. I just want to get it over with.
I really thought I still have a few more years left... to wait... guess it’s coming a lot sooner than I thought.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have depression? I’ve read arcticle upon article about symptoms of depression and how it all starts and although they’ve been helpful i just want people to listen from my point of view rather than struggling to find the closest thing to what i think relates to how i feel.
Everyday i wake up happy, i go to school like a normal teenager and then come home and study. I live a pretty active life and am able to experience many different things as my family is on the rich side. But, i get some days where i wish i could just die? not exactly kill myself but just fall asleep and never wake up. I’ve been dealing with this for months now and i’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more like separation anxiety or a fear of being alone. I’m always happy and smiling when i’m around friends and family but as soon as i’m left alone to drown in thought i feel such an awful emptiness inside me. I’m not sure if i’m making much sense but i hope someone knows what i’m talking about because i really have no idea what to do about it.
btw, I’m 15, i’ve talked to many people about problems like this and they say it can be related to puberty??? i could be completely wrong.
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self.depression
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I don't deal with intimacy well I'm 20 and I can't deal with intimacy, passion/romance, or mushy-gushy feelings. I have a girlfriend who is such a great person, but I whenever she says stuff like "you mean so much to me" and "I'm so lucky to have you in my life", I freeze up. It's not like I don't reciprocate those feelings, I just can't vocalize them, it gives me anxiety.
I've never been one to be really romantic or intimate, it's just not how I am, but I can't tell why it makes me so uncomfortable.
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self.depression
|
Akathisia question I got pretty bad akathisia on halidol (wanting to die at its worst, but it was brief) and I'm wondering if it's likely I'll get akathisia starting on latuda since I got it before. Any experience with this? I don't want to risk experiencing that again for even a moment
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self.bipolar
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I'm just so bored of everything. All my hobbies and all the things that entertained me are just so damn boring now, life is nothing more than a childhood chore with no real reward.
It's just so fucking boring, I don't know what else to fucking say.
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self.depression
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29 y/o. Struggling every day. Thinking about doing it since at least two years. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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my imagination runs further than i do the hint of anything positive and my mind runs with it with you. *of course* i wasn't going to hook up with you. we were just hanging out as friends. the things my mind can make up though...
i want this to be over. i want to be better. i want to be smarter about this but i dont know how to be.
i don't know how i got you before.
i wish i was better to help you back then. i was such an idiot. i am such a fool. i haven't been able to fix myself yet. i'm not sure i'll ever be fixed. how did i ever let someone so awesome slip through? i'll regret this forever. it's not that i'll never meet another soul but that i'm afraid i'll never meet someone like you. i should have fought for you. i'm so sad now. you made the right choice. i'm not good.
i had the wrong priorities. i didn't know at the time. fuck me.
sometimes i wish i had the courage to hurt myself but i can't do it.
i'm balling. i'm tired. i want it to end.
does any of this make sense?
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self.depression
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Abilify Has Abilify helped anyone deal with depression and negative symptoms in addition to working as an antipsychotic? I've been taking it for a couple months and if feels like it has helped even though that's not why I am taking it. I'm curious of upping the dose a little would help my residual depression or if there's another unrelated reason my depression is lessened. Looking for experiences with Abilify. (By the way, I haven't had a ton of side effects so I am not really looking for bad side effect experiences. Everyone responds differently to meds and this is helping with the voices and paranoia without many side effects. Abilify is bae. Lol)
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self.bipolar
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I hate when you open up to someone that you love and care for, admit that you need help, but instead of help or at least support, they say they can’t deal with your issues. I was told by someone that I love so much, and who has told me they loved me so much too, that they no longer view me as a person, but as a burden.
I have fucked up many times in the past with this person, but this time it wasn’t a specific fuck up. I asked for help. I was open and said that I’m not feeling well mentally and I just want you to understand how I feel.
I was returned with hateful words. How they’re tired of me and how it’s my fault that this is happening. They said I’ve said that many times before. Which is true, I’ve struggled with depression all throughout the 4 years that they’ve known me, and I’ve had my ups and downs.
But no, I’m far from fixed. Yes, I’ve been struggling for years. But I’m trying my hardest. I’m going to school, I’m trying to work. It’s just hard. Doesn’t anybody understand that?
At least you guys do.
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self.depression
|
Interesting new symptom I’m going to take a guess that I’m in a mixed episode due to still feeling manic, but also randomly crying. But last night I had a new symptom of mania (I’m guessing).
Anyone else get hypersensitive to EVERYTHING? Like noises, touch, scent, etc? The last time I felt that way was when I took LSD. It was a weird feeling and then of course I got overwhelmed with it and had a wonderful panic attack.
Is this a normal manic symptom?
Still learning things after 3 years of diagnosis
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self.bipolar
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My friend killed herself on Saturday I haven’t cried in months
This brought out emotions I thought I supressed a long time ago
I didn’t even know her that well, yet I’ve had panic attacks left and right, I’ve cried for hours, I’m the most depressed I’ve ever been...
I imagine her alive from memories in my head from the camp we both went to and to think “She’s dead now” makes me want to scream. It’s so surreal and unbelievable.
RIP Parker, March 6, 2002 - November 11, 2017
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self.offmychest
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Does anyone else notice that their friends generally give up on them during the holidays because you're bumming them out? I don't have too many friends who I would consider "close" (by which I mean people I talk to at least semi-regularly). But of the ones I do, they're generally at least somewhat supportive/accepting of you being a cynical, depressed, ｓａｄｂｏｉ™ asshole for most of the year. However, I notice that during the holidays, people tend to become much more hostile since for some reason during the Christmas season you're supposed to just become super happy and well-adjusted because otherwise you're just ruining other peoples' Christmas spirit. So you stop talking to them for a couple of weeks because you're worried you'll get on their nerves, and you just go into this vicious cycle which spirals you into being a reclusive dickhole until everyone's gone back to work in the new year.
Anyone else?
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self.depression
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social anxiety in the workplace Long story short, I've had anxiety my entire life and have been and am currently on meds + see a therapist (am now late twenties).
I've greatly adapted to my world despite of the anxiety and only a few people actually know the depths of how I feel.
I used to have a pretty decent case of social anxiety during my schooling years, but have since gotten over that.
What I now have issues with is social anxiety in the workplace. For instance, on my team, I don't really have a strong relationship with someone who works 5 feet away from me, so when we talk, my whole body instantly starts sweating. I get red in the face too. I start overthinking the situation while speaking to my coworker and the cycle continues. The same happens with other various people that I don't have much of a rapport with.
I feel VERY comfortable and confident in almost all social aspects outside of the workplace, but something just changes for me when I'm here. I become a very introverted version of myself that I thought I had gotten rid of.
Can anyone else relate or give suggestions on how to improve?
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self.Anxiety
|
Do you ever type out a whole text to someone about how you feel and trying to explain that you need help and then you realize they won't care so you delete it? It's a really sad, lonely feeling when you know nobody cares about you, especially the person you care about most. Sometimes I wish I'd just die so they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore.
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self.depression
|
I've been exercising, and shockingly it hasn't cured my depression. I've been trying to run a half marathon for years. Every time I try, I end up hurting my knee or ankle or something. Now, I'm about five weeks out from a half marathon and I've been training harder than I have for anything else in my life. Shockingly, I still have that voice in my head that tells me I'm a piece of shit, I still fucking hate myself, I still see blood dripping down from my wrists when I'm chopping vegetables.
But, I've lost 10lbs, I'm spending my time running trying to beat that voice out of my head, and in a few weeks, I'll have finished a half marathon.
I'm not cured, but I think if I keep up with the meds, the counseling, the running, etc. I might get better.
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self.depression
|
I seriously need a dog I know having a dog would be so beneficial for me. But I am living in my parents house still and they are done having dogs after our two last dogs passed away (old age). Even my counselor said a pet would be great. How do I convince them? I am moving out as soon as I save enough money to be able to afford an apartment. Apartments in my town are so damn expensive.
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self.Anxiety
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I want to know how to cope with loneliness.. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Why... Why can't I have that feeling of me as a kid waking up in the morning excited about Saturday morning cartoons and a warm family atmosphere? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Happiness is not for everyone. I'm an introvert, I always was and always will be. When i was young, i already found out that this life won't be as easy as extroverts have it.
I was always "weird nerd quiet kid", i didn't understand why, i was just mining my own bussiness and had only few friends that i can trust. When i became a "teen" i started
to understand why people judge me. Only because i didn't like things they do.. At first i thought maybe i will change when i get older but that was mere dream. I've
change a little of course but i always hated parties and alcohol and drugs and i didn't understand why people like so much. Unlike most of introverts or nerds, i wasn't smart
student. My grades were bad and only thing i did at home was playing computer games. I wasn't addicted to it, it was an escape from that world who didn't understand me. I think
i have some good qualities, i emphatic, i can listen, a will help anyone if i can, i can sacrafise my comfort for others but i know, that when you are not talkative, nobody will
actualy care about any of it, because they don't want to get to know you, they won't put the time and effort, atleast in my case.
I never had many friends ever and finding a girlfriend is something i could never imagine i could do, which added to my degrading self-confidence.
My looks isn't something to be proud of but i don't think it's that bad, but with my personality it probably is... I changed a few high schools
because i wans't smart enough, and failed few other challenges in my life. When i turned 18 i kinda "met" a girl, we were comunicating mostly through texts. She was first (and last)
girl that didn't judged me right away) so i thought she was all i ever wanted, but as everything that seemd good in my life, it has bad ending... I don't exacly know what it did wrong but
after our last date (which went really well) she told me that she doesn't like me. Never got a reason why or what did i do wrong. She offered to be friends which i accepted at
first but destroyed it with my anger later. I couldn't get over her for about year and a half....yea, i know. But it was hard to give up the one girl i felt that there was a
chance. Then armored with my anger, i started to approach girls...big mistake, it all was a disaster, i got laughed at and ridiculed... After that, my life went into complete
sh*t, depression after another and it never really stopped.
Here i am now, 21years old...the guy i thougt will never change is changed..but not to better. Still playing PC games all day, trying to complete school and survive to another
miserable day. Trying to dampen my depression with things i hated, with alcohol and drugs... I live in small
flat alone, and i belive it will stay like this forever. You can say that "youre still young" and stuff, but belive me, i can't change my personality. I would give anything
to be "normal" to be as every one else, to be social, to be smart, to make friend easily and create long term relationships but it will never happen to me. I'm finishing my
schooll this year and after that, my social life will be totaly gone. I will do a dead end job which i will hate and live in empty apartment my lonely life. Only reason i'm alive
is my family, my mother went through alot and i must be here for her after all things she did for me. This is my life goal, but i'm afraid what will happen after she's gone,
my life will just lose it's reason.
I belived in destiny, but it's our personalities that forges it. Some people are more lucky with personalities that others. I could say it's unfair that i got most of the bad
sh*t, but someone has to get it so someone else could get the better stuff. Even though i feel really sad, with nearly water in my eye, i accept my destiny. I accept that not
everybody can be happy in life and i'm one of them.
If you read this all, i thank you. I had to get it out of me.
You can comment what you think, or not, it's up to you.
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self.depression
|
Unable to live in the moment - have a need to plan out my life My bf and I recently broke up and I'm still coming to terms with it. This post isn't about the break up itself, it's just one of the things I came to realize during this reflection/mourning period.
After moving back home from university (and perhaps I did it even then), I have this incessant *need* to plan out the next two weeks of my life. I get a rush of anxiety about needing to fill out my time, making sure I'm seeing my boyfriend/friends at least x times a week, etc. It's gotten worse now that I'm no longer together with him, but it was always present. At the beginning of the week I'd always ask: "So what are we doing this week?" or "When are we meeting?". Yes, I was excited to see him, but I was also perhaps scared of not filling up my time?
It's weird because the days I don't see anyone are fine, I'm fairly introverted and like spending time alone as long as I'm certain about the next time I see someone (whether that's my ex or a friend).
Has anyone experienced this? It's quite exhausting and unhealthy and I can't break it and live in the moment.
One thing to add is that my core group of girlfriends, my best friend, and a few other close friends no longer live near me (they're hours away) so although I do have a good number of friends in general, people I can reach out to and hang out with, I no longer have that solid foundation of close friends except for perhaps 1 or 2. And now I no longer have my boyfriend who was also my best friend. I'm just trying to learn to be okay.
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self.Anxiety
|
I want to hurt myself.. I really do.. I don't see a reason not to, especially when everyone ignores even though I just want to have a normal conversation :(
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self.depression
|
I get really depressed when i clean my room Does anyone know of a way they can help with this?
When i clean my room i get really depressed. I have couple theorys as to why this happens but im not sure how to avoid it. I think its because i feel like im exposing my self and because i find objects that bring back happy memories and i wish i could relive them
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self.depression
|
Why can't I be happy? I am filled with negative thoughts, waiting inside my head to ruin every moment of my life. I don't really know how to express it. Every time something good seem to happen in my life, I have to make it a bad or sad moment. At work, at parties, to friends. Moments that I tell myself "it going to be nice" and every time, I have a random thought of the past or at these special moments that ruin everything and then, I just want to go back home and sleep to end this day. As if I was in a fight between me and some shadows in my head dragging me down to prevent me from enjoying any moment. After that I tell myself "why did I had to do that?" and it makes things even worse. I think about lots of stupidely spoiled past moments and this is so shameful.
I am also killing all my hobbies, everything I tried (drawing, playing video games, playing guitar...) I played guitar 7 years and I never was satisfied with anything I make, in other activities too. I am now in the "what's the point ?" state as I don't want to start again something to would always lead me to nowhere. I just don't understand why I keep being like that. I have a nice job, a nice place to live, a nice and supportive wife. But now, I am starting to tell myself more and more that she would be so much happier without me dragging her down, far from this toxic influence. I seem to have everything I could hope for, but I just can't enjoy anything in a durable way. When I tell myself "be nice, it's useless to be like that", the bad thoughts return (a blend of sadness, despair, bitter and anger). I gave up in anything I do and when some people talk about their travels, activities and so on, I feel it even more. It seems stupid to do all that but I can't help myself and ruin everyhing and I just don't understand why. I just want to be free.
I'm 23 and these feelings are getting worse year after year, the dark thoughts more and more recurrent or easy to have. I don't know what to do anymore and if I am sick or just a bad person. I don't know if this anger and sadness is now my normal being or some kind of illness that has taken part of me, taking every day more of me.
Sorry if it was too long or unclear, I just wanted to know if someone have the same feeling than me and what could I do about it.
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self.depression
|
This week I achieved two things I didn’t think I would do when I was younger. I finished a degree on Wednesday, and today I turned 30 [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I cleaned my living room for the first time in weeks. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My ”friends” dont like me Im posting this from another account because some people i know know about my reddit account.
i have a couple of friends that i have known since i was 6, but im starting to feel that they dont like me. im pretty sure they hate me.
about 2 months ago they made a group chat without me. i didnt really think much of it, i dont really know why.
just a couple days later they trashtalked me on discord when they thought that i was AFK. i could have called them out for it, but i really didnt want to get in a ”fight”.
they never ask me if i want to do something, i have to do it myself. but almost every time they ignore me or just come up with excuses to not be with me.
everytime i join a voicechannel they are in they sound dissapointed and angry that i joined.
what do i do? i have been without friends other long periods but i dont want to do that again.
lastly i want to apologize for my english. english is not my main / native language.
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self.depression
|
Finding hope in love Around last week i asked this girl i have a bit if a crush on to come and chill at my house she said sure and that week i was having these amazing thoughts about being happy and finnaly find comfort in another person then asked what time she was gonna come over and if i needed to get anything special for her at the store and she said she couldnt come that day i was suggesting another day she said she was really buisy with school and work (an other girl i asked out this year used the same excuse) so now im at the same place i was before but Just a little worse
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self.depression
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(LONG) Really really need your help. I've always been depressed, but now I'm in love with a man I can't have. My best friend's boyfriend. Hi everyone,
I'm very new to Reddit so please forgive me. If I'm not in sync with what you're used to.
I have a problem, well many many problems. Long story short, I'm in love with my best friends husband. He is the only person who seems to get me, my humor, my likes/dislikes, what I've been through. He's also so different to guys I've dated before.
And I feel now is where I give you my life story, which I'll do my best to condense.
I was brought up in a very broken home. My parents were poor and were horrible to me in many ways. My dad was physically abusive, but even worse he was extremely verbally abusive. I grew up doing my best to stay silent around him, out of fear he'd lash out at me. The vulgarities and insults he hurled at me is something I do my best to forget.
He and my mother separated when I was 7 and we moved in with her much richer, and narcissistic sister. Her sister was married to a rich businessman and basically made my mother their servant, she was their live-in maid, and by extension, so was I.
She and my mother were not nice to me. As I grew into a pre-teen, my looks became an obsession of theirs. Despite, denigrating me while I was home, they proudly boasted about me to everyone else. I was exceptionally pretty, not bragging it's synonymous with who I am and right now, it's my only redeeming feature. So because of my looks, my aunt, and mother, for some reason, felt at 14 I was ready to be pimped out to any rich socialite who expressed interest in me.
I feel I should discuss my high school life now. Because I was living with my rich aunt, I went to a high school with many affluent students. However, I lived in shame with who I was, I never rebelled. I honestly was just a very quiet timid girl. I escaped into art which I was really good at and used this talent in applying my make up. In a school with 800 girls, I was routinely told be dozens that I was the prettiest girl in school. I had all the makings of the being the happiest girl. Indeed everyone thought so, they thought I was rich, spoiled and carefree. Little did they know, I barely had any real friends. Girls constantly gossipped about me and slut-shamed me because I wore lots of make-up. At 16, I hadn't even kissed a boy, despite half of the girls my age losing their virginity already. I was really good at school too, especially Biology. I love animals and wished I could have been a vet.
It was then I met Nathan, he was perfect. So loving, and very fatherly. I was 16, he was 19 and while he wasn't going college. He was working in his father's very successful business. Nathan was my first love and, I became utterly emotionally dependent on him.
Which is why when I discovered he knocked up some girl and agreed to marry her from his brother.......it utterly broke me. That was an extremely tumultuous time in my life.
My one friend through this all was Sarah. She was somewhat a social outcast because she was extremely introverted in high school. But she was there for me in her own way.
One evening I was just having the worse mental breakdown over Nathan and Sarah suggested I come with her to hang out with her and her brother's girlfriend, Andrea. I had the BEST time ever.
Andrea was an angel. She is a strong alpha female, very confident, smart and sexy. I never considered my self a lesbian, but she was the kind of girl, if I were gay, I'd want to marry, lol.
She and I clicked as friends instantly. And when I say she is smart, she's incredibly perceptive and understood me like no one ever.
That is until, I started hanging out with her and her boyfriend, Sarah's brother, Josh. I met him a handful of times before, but we never really talked.
Josh is very good looking, just as smart, amazing body, not as confident (kinda shy at times) but charming and funny as hell.
Andrea had no issues with Josh and I being friends. In fact, 3 of us went out a lot together, a couple times when drunk, we all sort of fooled around but never had sex or a threesome (which I longed for).
I dated a few guys all over this time (5 year period), mostly richer losers, which I now realize was due to my self-perception of how my mother and aunt raised me. I emotionally and physically neglected every boyfriend I had.
Andrea and Josh (they're incredibly open with me), have sex 3-4 times a week, and it's good sex. I overheard them a few a times, he pleases her very very well. I've honestly never had good sex. It's sad.
Also, Andrea has moved a bit far away due to work. We see each other once a month. However, she makes sure Josh and I hang out. She encourages us to go out for drinks, movies, even dancing. She says she trusts us both, and if want to hook up, she says we have her blessing.
Green Light? Yes perhaps, Josh is a guy, he's into me as he's always checking me out, and encourages me to wear sexy outfits when we go out.
But, and there's a big but.
I love with Josh (just realized that's an exact line from Clueless, lol).
But I seriously am in love with him. We've gotten so incredibly close. So close that if he doesn't see me for one day, I get angsty and edgy. I was never this way with anyone ever.
I know he feels the same way too, but I also do know he's in love with Andrea. She's better than me in every way, why wouldn't he love her too. She's smart, highly educated, great career. I never went to college :(
I don't want to break them up, but I do want to be his girlfriend. I don't mind if he's with us both. But, if this was an option, I feel like Andrea would have suggested it already. She hints at it sometimes, but she's very jealous and possessive. I'm the only girl she's so trusting with. I've never gotten sexual with Josh unless Andrea was there and involved as well.
Everyone basically thinks Josh and I are together, oddly Andrea doesn't mind. She is the one suggesting I take Josh out to some party or movie.
So as you can see, I'm utterly broken over this. I have met the man of my dreams, but he's with someone else, my best friend (technically Josh is my best friend now). I'd hate myself if I ever came between them. And I'd hate ever losing the two best friends I've ever had.
I so so badly wish in some parallel universe we can all live together and be one big happy polyamorous family. But that's not possible, not in my country.
Moving on from this crush on Josh is, perhaps impossible. He's 34 now, and aging so nicely, he's like a smaller version of Khal Drago (Jason Momoa). I'm so emotionally and physically attracted to him.
I don't know what to do, it's breaking me up inside and basically is the story of my life. Appear to have everything, but have nothing :(
tldr; - I'm madly madly in love with my best friend's boyfriend - He and I are perfect for each other, great chemistry, phyiscal and emotional - I love them both, and I don't ever want to lose them from my life. They mean everything to me. They're both my best friends who I love so deeply. - I wish I could be in a polyamorous relationship with them, but that's not possible. Not in our country.
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self.depression
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How to stop overthinking that you’re being cheated on? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
72 hours without sleep so far. Need tips. Advice. I just read this on another post. “Rescue drug” is a great term when describing benzodiazepines. Vodka is also a rescue drug. That’s what I use. I was going to switch to another “Rescue drug” until I read that. I’ve just realized I could be bipolar recently. Doc prescribed an anti-depressant and I haven’t come down yet. I am now 72 hours without sleep. But, in all fairness when I was revving up I decided to binge drink for two days. I’m not freaking out. I’m just completely unable to close my eyes. I am also full of anxiety. I’m sure this is what smoking crack / meth / cocaine would feel like. I also have been unable to eat or drink. I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow. What can I try in the mean time? I’ve been watching documentaries. Reading. I’ve been getting rushes of feel goods that make my hair tingle. Adrenaline? Maybe? I’ve had way worse episodes on alcohol than just dealing with anxiety by itself. Or depression, but this is very, very, different side effect with this anti depressant. Thank u in advance.
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self.bipolar
|
Today I learned how pointless trying to keep my diagnosis private is When my (now former) boss was firing me today, he said I "looked miserable," multiple times. He praised my work but I just wasn't a good fit for the company culture, which apparently includes not looking miserable.
It's the second time I've lost a job essentially because of my personality. I used to think the point of hiding my diagnosis was to prevent shit like this--turns out there's really no hiding it.
Not sure what to do next, but something's got to give. Or maybe this is just how it is for me and others with my diagnosis and nothing gives.
Who else has had this type of experience? More than once? Does it ever stop once it starts?
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self.bipolar
|
Planning to an hero Its cause I am a ugly and worthless bye whoever reads this
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What is happening to me? Idk what's going on with me anymore. I have decent job good pay, wonderful family and kids. But I don't see any reason to continue. Nothing makes sense. I don't want to end it, I just wish I didn't exist.
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self.SuicideWatch
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