text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
Yes, I'm posting more crap. No, I have nothing better to do with my life. Recently I've been trying to figure out a way I can live, some purpose I can give myself I guess. It's seems the only way I don't end up killing myself and the only way I'll be able to live my life is by cutting myself off from everyone and being alone for all of it. That really is my only option at this point I guess, it's either as much isolation as possible or death. And while I do want to die, more then anything else, there are things I do like about living that I could still do. The problem is in order to live I'd need to become something I don't really want to be. Either way I have a little less than 2 weeks to decide I suppose so maybe I come up with some other miracle solution. If not then I better start getting used to being alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can I just stop existing now? I doubt anyone will acknowledge this post but whatever.
I've never truly lived life, I've been wasting away for as long as I've been alive. I've isolated myself from basically everyone besides my family. I barely even socialize online anymore. Every day is the fucking same. Either I'm hopelessly depressed or slightly less depressed and foolishly thinking things can get better, but if someone else could see my whole "life" they would laugh at that thought. Everyone knows me as being "quiet", but say I'm "nice" and "a good kid", but I'm sure they actually think I'm a fucking retarded nobody. I'll never change no matter what I do because it's in my nature to be the way I am; I'm doomed to be an antisocial loner for the rest of my life. I want to stop existing but I don't want to kill myself. What I'd give to just go to sleep and never wake up again...pathetic to be sure.
EDIT: I just want to express my thanks to everyone in this thread. I really didn't expect much posting this, thinking it would be like just another cry for help that would go unheard. The overall response it received is honestly overwhelming to me. I truly appreciate all the views, upvotes, and replies from people who cared enough to take the time to do so, and to everyone who is in a similar situation to mine, I hope we all get through this!
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else remember having an imagination? For my entire childhood and adolescence, it was what I could always depend on to to break the depression and also serve as an outlet for excess energy. I would play with action figures, making up hundreds of stories over a number of years, some spanning years themselves.
I also read books and wrote stories, and my sense of wonder was endless. Except that it wasn't. I am 31 now, and some time in the last decade that all went away. I can't get into books. I can't write. I can't even play videogames with any type of real commitment.
My mind is numb to all of the things that formerly stimulated it. That would be seem like being a trade-off of becoming an adult with responsibilities, but to me, it is like I have lost an essential part of who I am, not to mention all of my escapes and coping mechanisms.
Who else struggles with the same thing? Can we ever get it back?
|
self.bipolar
|
I just don't think anything can change Another late night up with my thoughts, just constantly thinking about how I can't ever change anything in my life and no one seems to care or notice me, sometimes I just wish I had a single friend I could talk to but I don't even know what that would do... Just another usual night
|
self.depression
|
I fucking hate Christmas music It's currently on the radio at my jobsite, and I am this close to gouging my eyes out with a rusty fucking screwdriver
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm not worth the resources it takes to sustain me? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm isolated I need to make something clear. A year ago I was happy and had friends. I only had 2 real and genuine friends but over the course of a year they both moved away. To make it clear I've got lots of other people I hang out with but these two were there for me rain or shine.
Once they went I grew apart from everyone else and now I'm completely isolated. I've talked to basically no one for a few months now.
I can't handle it Reddit. A few hours ago I just walked out of class and went home. I cried in the bathroom for an hour until my mum came home and then I went in my room so I didn't have to talk to her.
I'm completely isolated Reddit. I haven't gone out or talked to anyone in a few months, I'm on my last legs and I can't tell anyone.
|
self.depression
|
When you want to do something but your lack of motivation keeps you from doing it for several hours. Another day off going right down the drain, I guess...
|
self.depression
|
Almost done with it all Hi, I'm 17 and male (not that it matters, it just feels more like I'm talking to someone if I give context). I have had family problems (including potential domestic violence cases) since early childhood, and have lived through countless court battles between my manipulative egocentric parents. As a result of how shitty the family environment has been, I now live alone in an apt my mom pays for while she lives in another city (I was too "tired" to move to another city and high school - I already had so few friends and reasons to.move on, I was just too exhausted, if that makes any sense).I've had mediocre/awful grades in school haven't been doing my drivers ed course like I should. I also spend too much money on weed. Just got off the phone from my mom. The call lasted twenty minutes, but with her it felt like hours.i finally know now that even my own mother can gave up hope in me. She told me she sees me on the road to nowhere, and sees me as pathetic. She also to me that when I turn 18 I'm on my own, or I live with my fucking dad, who has my siblings in captivity because of a fucked up judges rulings. Even then, contact with my mom is already minimal. Everything i do is personal to my mom and she has this insatiable idea that i resent her. She says I'm just like my
father. I'm sorry this seems so frantic - I'm just so alone and it feels like I'm living in a complex maze of a nightmare, but there's nobody there to confide in. Without my mom I'm lost (strictly financially; We never had a mother-son bond.). I have no one else besides her, and she's only providing what she needs for me to avoid civil court with the same judge who was, and continues to be in favor of my dad. I truly feel like a burden. I have no future, no motivation. I really want to die but I don't kill myself. Nobody understands me and my existence is futile. I may sound too confusing to decipher, but in simple terms - I'm broken inside. I gathered the strength to tell my mom about the depression, anxiety, and the frequent suicidal thoughts that are becoming ever handicapping- but what went from a rare moment of me sharing deep personal problems to my mom, turned into a way for her to get offended and even blame me for them. I can't satisfy her - she's too broken herself. I can't blame my mom 100%; I'm a fucking burden - I've had nothing but inexplicable failures to sum up the past half decade. I don't even l know why I'm writing this. I guess it's the human need to cry for help, even though it'll do nothing.I think it's time I accept that things would be a lot simpler if I were gone.
|
self.depression
|
Read a disturbing post about people who do forensics don't view people as conscious beings This may be triggering for some who don't like to hear about death, so this is my warning.
I read somewhere that someone who does autopsies doesn't view humans as conscious beings anymore. They just view them as "pieces of meat that talk." This struck me harshly and made me feel even more depressed. I don't see people as pieces of meat and even if they were dead, I will know that they had a purpose and that they had emotions.
I just wanted to vent. I've always had problems with feeling worthless, so reading that person's post made me feel awful. How can someone say something like that?
|
self.depression
|
Lorazepam/ Ativan question I'm agoraphobic and have my first CBT appointment in years next week and would like to get there on as low a dose of lorazepam as I can.
So today I took 1mg of lorazepam for a practice run and I'm going to take 0.5mg tomorrow for the same trip at the same time
Will there be any leftover in my system from today slightly adding to tomorrows dose?
I'm experienced with lorazepam and have used it plenty of times to get to the dentist or doctors so I'm not worried about worried about what it will do. I'm just curious if I take 0.5mg next week will it feel the same as taking it the day after taking 1mg.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Weird mood - not sure what it is I’ve been in a weird mood for a while now. I don’t know what it is. Earlier today I was freaking out about work so I took an as needed Valium. Then I got an email and now I want to rage quit.
I was really sad yesterday but my husband kept asking if I was mad. I come up with these plans where it isn’t fair to me but will keep other people happy.
It is mild but it is definitely there. I feel like I want to just lay in bed and escape everything but I have too much energy to do that plus I need to work.
My cat peed in my son’s room and it is so cluttered and messy that there is no way to find where it was to clean it up. I keep wanting to start cleaning his room but for some reason I have been getting a lot of messages at work today so I need to stay by my computer.
I am also really overwhelmed with my son’s room and don’t even know where to start.
I’m stress eating really bad and I know I am making myself sick. I did change my clothes today and talk on a meeting but I feel like a complete imposter at work. I have my one on one meeting with my director tomorrow so I have to get it together.
I am just feeling so weird. This is mild but not stable. I just want to close my laptop and hide in my room.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel like I’ll kill myself at some point in my life but I don’t know when. I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at any minute. I’m extremely fragile and it worries me
|
self.bipolar
|
(NSFW) What was your most shamful manic hookup? Personally: I was 19 (male). He was 40 something and married with kids. He got super clingy afterward and angry when I cut him off.
|
self.bipolar
|
trouble explaining how I feel to new dr I need help! How can I better explain how I'm feeling to new pdoc. Feel like she's not understanding me.
New dr said not bipolar but instead depression, anxiety, adhd. So she started me on trintellix, vyvanse, changed from klonopin to ativan & dropped lamictal.
At appt after med change told her I was feeling worse on trintellix. But she wants me to raise, telling me I need to be at therapeutic dose of 20mg then I'll feel better. She keeps telling me there are different types of depression and making sure I know this is my type of depression and not bipolar.
I feel so much worse & very confused.
This is how I feel: mentally hyper not physically, spastic, can't focus on tv/reading etc, restless, constant up and down cant relax, skin picking has gotten a lot worse, overeating, angry, irritable, up till 3-4am. But also very depressed, not taking care of self, cleaning, cooking, bathing etc, crying episodes. And have horrible anxiety, always on edge, jumpy, constantly worried.
Any suggestions on how I can better explain myself? What am I doing wrong?
Sorry for long rambling post.
|
self.bipolar
|
My Anxiety Might be Bubbling Over a Little Having a really hard time coping with life right now. I monitor and manage my anxiety pretty well on a regular basis but it's been getting harder to handle lately.
I'm 19f diaganosed with GAD, not on meds. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. It all started when I had a weird PMS/ period cycle which had me feeling extremely vulnerable and upset even more so than my usual cycle. Then I found out I have to interview with the DM (not just the store manager) of the retail company I want to work for (that's today). On top of that my parents decided to sell the car I drove this past weekend so I am currently car-less (huge deal as my parents are controlling and I have no other rides). And college for me was supposed to start this week but my parents refused to pay and I wasn't prepared to pay either as I had gotten laid off a week before Christmas, so I stressed last minute to try to find a loan I could get but there was nothing. And for a nice little cherry on top my SO is getting his wisdom teeth out (which I was already anxious and felt horrible that he had to go through it for) only to find out that he will be awake during the whole thing as he is getting one tooth pulled and another actually cut out (they're not impacted so they can get away with local anesthetic). All I saw was fear from him when he found this info out.
Last night I had horrid dreams about what he will have to go through. How he will feel the pressure as they pull out that one tooth, and how he will see the scalpel when they cut into his gums. I'm terrified for him, I would take his spot just to spare him. I'm being extremely empathetic and anxious towards him and it's effecting me greatly. So much so that I have tried isolating myself from him because my anxiety is spiralling out of control and I would get angry and annoyed with him because I feel like I can't handle his problems on top of mine (he's not putting them on me or anything) I just feel I need to be there for him during this vulnerable time and with everything I have going on it's been hard to be the supportive person he needs right now. He's been so understanding with me but I just feel horrible because I know what's happening and I can't seem to stop it.
Thanks for hearing me out. Any support is greatly appreciated!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I cried for no reason in a public place That was the first time I really cried in a crowded place.
|
self.depression
|
the scary part is when you don't want to die, but your brain and body are saying it would be better for you too. "I'm utter trash. I don't have any worth in this world.
I just ruin lives as i live, and I'm a joke of a person. " My brain all the time any time, I fail at something.
I bought gauze the other day, 4 cents for a sterile pack so i bought 20.
The fucked up part of that is rather than buying it as first aid badges, that i tried to tell myself I was doing it for, my internal thoughts were "perfect for if i pull out during my suicide. and need to clean myself up."
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t know if I can go on. So my birthdays tomorrow and it just means another year of suffering. I think about suicide every day but I don’t have the courage to go through with it. The emotional pain is so unbearable and all I want to do is self harm. I need some light on my life I’m turning 19 and I feel so alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why don't dolphins have suicidal thoughts? ...Because their life has Porpoise!
|
self.bipolar
|
I didnt choose to feel suicidal. I feel so awful. Merry fucking Christmas. Hi,
I brainwashed myself with spirituality, I feel like the "Self" has to die, it feels like its time is over, I feel like a psychotic idiot, I feel like the thoughts tell the truth: for about 4 months they tell me that I should be dead for no apparent reason, that I shouldnt be here anymore. Feeling alive feels odd, I just feel a dark pain, looking in the mirror my mind goes: Why are u still alive?
Ive never been suicidal. Never have I ever considered it. But now my mind even convinced me that I dont care about them anymore.
I feel like a sick bastard, I cant get out of the bad neighbourhood in my head anymore, for straight 4 months Ive been posting the internet trying to find whats wrong with me. There's none. Even if I got better, how could I ever consider myself a normal person again, if all I can think about is the imaginary "Self" who wants to die?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm more bored than sad I used to be sad all the time. About not having friends, being a loser, my family, etc. But now I'm just bored with life. I find myself so bored sometimes I pick fights for no reason just so I have a reason to be away from people. I rarely feel happy or even sad. Mostly just anger from someone annoying me, which is often. Everything everyone talks to me about has me bored and I drift off constantly. I try to hold back my irritation from them talking about something so mind numbing but I usually fail. I know I'm not very fun to be around but I honestly don't even care anymore. I don't care I've never been in a relationship and most likely never will. I just wish I was never born but I'm not even passionate about that anymore.
|
self.depression
|
My Last Confession, Why I’m depressed, and why I’m going to kill my self tonight [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
No change in the past couple of months but today I’ve signed up for a half marathon Along with depression and anxiety, I also suffer from MS. Despite my mental and physical health issues, MS is the condition that I refuse to let beat me. Since being diagnosed I have lost 6 stone and I’m in great shape.
So, I’ve signed up for a half marathon today which takes place in the city I live in June. Tomorrow is when I go on my first 10k run in months.
I’m refusing to let MS beat me, I’m refusing to let depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts beat me also.
Wish me luck.
|
self.depression
|
Need advice on Doctor Situation Diagnosed with high anxiety and PTSD seven years ago. Daily is Paxil 40. Three years ago was in a real bad place and my doctor at the time prescribed Xanax in situations where I was having a lot of trouble. Xanax was a lifesaver. At next appointment doctor said to do klonopin for another daily, but it would make me sleep 12-16 hours a day and make me somewhat sick.
Since then moved and my current doctor, while great, refuses to prescribe Xanax. In fairness I'm currently battling alcoholism because I basically self medicated now and am struggling with it. My doctor suggested doing inpatient detox but that's just not possible due to insurance and time off work.
My wife who is a CNA at the local hospital said many doctors are shying away from prescribing Xanax because of people and addiction and what not. My doctor has made it clear he's not going to prescribe it. Should I search for a new doctor?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have exhausted every resource available I'm likely going to kill myself.
I have lived with my parents and around my sister my entire life, and the past 7 years have been a living hell, it all started with my dad physically being abusive around age 10-13, alongside being outright dismissive and emotionally abusive regarding me being trans, and my sister starting pulling knives on me and threatening me around age 13, to near 15, left for the military, came back earlier this year and is back to doing it again.
I can't handle the trauma of all that's happened still being here, I've contacted CPS, multiple times, I've contacted the police, I've asked every single person I know even on a slight level if they have a place to stay, I've contacted support groups, I've gone to a shelter, there is nothing I can do to get out of this house before age 18.
If I don't go into a healthy environment before age 18 I have no chance of functioning as an adult, I'm a mentally ill person who can't work due to the inability to drive and said mental illnesses, who's severely traumatized, I'm trans living in one of the worst parts of the country for trans people, and I have noone who can help me.
I've given up.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm Wondering About Going Back to Work (Currently on SSDI) So I have been really bored at home lately. I've been on SSDI (disability for non-US redditors) for going on three years now. It took me about a year to get the SSDI approved and it's my only source of income right now. The problem is I am getting really, really, bored most days and I have been building up some credit card debt so I need to make some extra money. I am concerned about going back to work full time though because last time I worked part time I was very unstable and was out sick for over a month in a one year period. I am more stable now that I have my meds straightened out though. There is also a non-profit group in my city that works with people with mental illness. They help you get a job and they provide coverage for you in case you need to miss work for whatever reason. I never really checked it out though because you have to work at the group home for a month for free before you can apply for a paying job.
I would love to get back into working at hotels and there is one less than a mile from my house with two positions open. I don't know if they drug test which would be a problem though.
I am not sure what to do. I really need the extra money and I don't have a car/license which complicates matters further. Anyone with any advice would be greatly appreciated. I was also trying to come up with ideas to make money like dog sitting/walking. things like that. Again, anyone with any ideas or feedback on my situation would be greatly appreciated.
My only other feasible option would be to go to a temp agency and apply for waitstaff/bartender positions and work as much as I can tolerate and keep close track of my hours so I don't lose my SSDI. That's the only other idea I could come up with...
|
self.bipolar
|
Consensual sex but questionable acts Before I even go into this, I know I need to talk with my girlfriend about how I feel about the situation, but I would like to get this off my chest anyways. And given the context of this situation, the following will be NSFW.
A few days ago my girlfriend of a year and I were each a bottle of wine into the night and things got hot, literally, and clothes started to come off. I'll spare the most of the details, but she said she wanted to have sex, which I happily agreed to. We're still experimenting with what we like as we're both in our low 20's and the relationship is relatively "new" in my eyes. So when she said that she wanted me to blindfold her and restrain her hands, I was interested and obliged.
This is where I start questioning what I'm doing. She has told me that she has "tasted herself" before and that she doesn't mind it when I make out with her after going down on her. But I asked her that and she didn't tell it to me herself, so part of me wonders if she actually is ok with it. But either way, after the foreplay I put my fingers into her mouth and made her clean them off, which she didn't object to at the time.
Also she has mentioned to me once or twice that she doesn't like oral sex, which kind of sucks, but it's not a deal-breaker for me. But that night, one of the first things I did was have her do it, but I kept doing it after she started gagging. I did it a couple more times then gave her a break. This is where I'm really starting to give myself a hard time. Because not only did I KNOW she doesn't like it, but I made it more rough than she may have been intending.
The night ended well and she didn't comment at all about anything I worry about now (although she did say that she likes when I'm in control), but in the back of my head I wonder if I went too far. We don't talk about sex much outside of actually doing it, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to bring up the issue, but I hope it's soon for my (and her) sake.
|
self.offmychest
|
Knowing that I can kill myself is the only thing that keeps me relaxed. So, as in the title, One of the few things that makes me not fall in complete despair is knowing that I do have this way out. Just want to know if anyone knows what I'm talking about. Like, it came to a point where thinking about suicide actually comforts me enough to not do it. Am I a idiot for thinking this way?
|
self.depression
|
I never recognized my anxiety because I saw it as an element of my depression. I started taking Zoloft for depression roughly 8 months ago with great results in the first couple of months. It was a total game changer. I felt like I could function, was productive and started making some positive changes in my life that I felt really good about. Something changed and I feel like the effects aren’t as strong as they ones were. I feel myself sliding back into old (destructive) habits and mindsets. My depression feels under control but I feel like the anxiety is left over. It’s hard to deal with because I’ve never seen it for what it was.
Has anyone experienced this? It’s really frustrating and unnerving. I felt like I was basking in the light at the end of the tunnel but now a whole new tunnel as been placed in front of me!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just want to pee I’m in my room, crying my fucking eyes out because I’m too afraid to go have a piss. A piss. That’s it. Not to go to the store. Not to talk to anyone. Just use the toilet. How am I supposed to live another sixty plus years with this when the thought of leaving my room for thirty seconds causes me to hyperventilate?
I just want to take a hand full of anxiety meds and the some and wash them down with some Yukon Jack (100 proof) so that I blackout
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't "feel" how much anxiety I have but I can tell by my behavior...... Is that weird? Like, I don't feel more stressed but suddenly I've been skin picking for 40 minutes. I have trouble falling asleep. I don't feel hungry in the morning. I start procrastinating for hooooouuuurs.
All while feeling the same... but then I'm like, oh shoo, something's stressing me out, I think about it and 5 minutes later I figure out the cause of my anxiety.
I'm on antidepressants and sleeping meds, maybe I should add a relaxant to that too. Sucks to be me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Follow up to I did something and I’m nervous Okay guys, you can read the story in my other thread but basically I told my boss and director I wanted my job to go back to how it was before I went psychotic and took FMLA.
I got an email from my director who copied my senior director. I hope I don’t give anything away but this was his first paragraph verbatim.
Thank you for sharing your personal goals, and that we can rely on you for leadership in this time of change!
He went on to say he has all the confidence in me that I can administratively and technically lead projects. It was a really positive email.
Part of me feels like yes, I’m back to how I used to be. The other part of me is like oh shit, what did I do?
Overall I’m very happy I sent the email and I’m so happy with the response.
|
self.bipolar
|
ugh. The contradiction of depression and suicidal thoughts. I know that I push people away because I just don't want to be around them. I'm irritable, I'm grumpy. I'm probably the last person anyone wants to deal with. I try not to be but I already put on a facade at work so I don't piss people off.
I hardly see anyone for fun. And I just feel like honestly if i died, no one except those at work would notice. And by the time my parents hear about it I'll be long gone. It's pretty sad when these people you care about is why you live. I'm just concerned that my family will be upset if I died. That kinda keeps me going. But they probably won't even notice. No one really will. And it makes me feel like there's just no point. I've not lived for myself for a long time. I'm going for therapy. I've gone through rounds of medications, changing the cocktail, and it just doesn't help.
I hate this life. Hate it. I hate that I know I shouldn't and I've a lot to be thankful for but I can't unhate it. I hate feeling the way I do. I hate pretending I'm okay. And I hate that I want someone to save me and yet I hate being around another human being.
Just HELP.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I wanted Trump to win in the US elections and now I just feel terrible about it [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate Christmas.... But... I'm happy for all who are having a merry time on this day, though.
|
self.depression
|
The shame makes it all worse I posted here before. I am not suicidal because I have to have a boyfriend to be happy. People who know me know I am very independent and never wanted a relationship.
But it is the shame of me losing him due to my anxiety and no self worth. I could have made this work. Instead of being in bed and planning my death, we would have gone bowling last night and been talking all day again. I would have gone to his new place to stay over. He wanted to see me in the new year. Instead I pushed this perfect man away. I will never forgive myself for this. Knowing he is out there, will meet someone else and she will be normal and keep him.
I ruined it. This is why I have to die. I am too unstable to live.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Any tips on gaining peace with your inner monologue? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel pathetic when I get anxious/panic attacks Hey everyone. My last few panic attacks I've had, after I get over it I find myself feeling pathetic about it. My last one was in a restaurant with not a lot of people. It's so silly because there's no reason to panic in such a quiet place as that.
Does anyone else feel like this? I just really wish anxiety didn't control my life.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm finally going to do it So I think I have finally decided to do it. I have been wanting to die for years now. But was barely holding on. Now it has gotten so painful that I am finally able to do it. I live everyday in pain. But I have found something out that is just too much for me. For everyone that feels this way too I am sorry. Goodbye everyone.
Lastly, this won't mean anything as this account is anonymous and nobody knows who I'm referring to. But thanks for everything. I really want to ask but I don't even feel like it matters.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone here have experience with Fetzima (levomilnacipran)? My psychiatrist and I have been discussing it. I've taken Wellbutrin (bupropion) for years with no complaints whatsoever (the only noticeable side effect has been mild appetite suppression), but I'm maxed out and symptoms returned, so we've spent the better part of 2017 trying new medications to supplement it.
For context/background, in case anyone's got a similar situation - I responded terribly to Viibryd (vilazodone) - intense headache, slurred speech, anomic aphasia, vertigo, vomiting - all in the space of a week. Zoloft (sertraline) seemed promising for a couple of months and definitely improved my mood, but I gradually became agitated, restless and incapable of sleeping more than 3 hours a night.
I stopped Zoloft six weeks ago and started Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) almost a month ago. I had a couple of really good weeks when I felt alert and energized (but without the insomnia and irritability and disorganized thoughts / cognitive dumpster fire Zoloft caused). Since then, I've noticed milder instances of the side effects Zoloft caused, and symptoms like inability to concentrate and difficulty getting out of bed in the morning are creeping back up. (Ordinarily, I'd give Pristiq more time, but my insurance company refuses to cover it unless I try venlafaxine first. Given my history with serotonergic drugs, my doctor and I agreed that taking a more serotonergic SNRI when I'm already concerned about the side effects of Pristiq wouldn't be optimal.)
Fetzima's a newer drug, and I've never met anyone who's taken it. I know everyone responds to everything differently, but it would be nice to hear some perspectives on it, especially from anyone who's also tried Wellbutrin or Pristiq and can speak to how alike/different they are.
EDIT: It's not approved for depression in the US, but hearing from anyone who's taken milnacipran, a similar drug / predecessor to Fetzima, would also be helpful and appreciated!
|
self.depression
|
The worst part of my anxiety is the guilt i feel about my reactions and interactions with people I love I've struggled with a mix of depression, anxiety, panic and ADHD over the course of the past 7 or 8 years. I see a nuerologist who specializes in ADHD, a psychiatrist who prescribed me mirtrazipine (antidepressant) and a therapist. Over the past few months, I have been home from school (mech engineering major), as I needed to take a break in order to help myself, and overall, it has helped immensely.
 
One of the things I still struggle with is irritability. A mix of my antidepressant making me feel a bit foggy, my innate anxiety and ADHD medication, tend to make it hard for me to be around people sometimes. I'm sure many of you can relate. I just need some alone time at some point every day, and when it feels as if that time won't come, I lose all hope. The point being that it can be really hard to connect with my family on an emotional level, or just a daily enjoyment level when I've been in my head a lot, and tend to have at least one anxious though rattling around in my head somewhere. I feel a lot of guilt about my parents or my sister thinking that I truly dislike them, or that I really don't want to be around them, when that is far from the truth. I talk to them sometimes about this (they are very good about listening to me), and apologize, saying that my irritability has nothing to do with them, but I often can't help but feel as if they think I truly wan't nothing to do with them. And I really doubt they feel this way in actuality but the guilt is still there.
 
Sorry if you didn't want to hear somewhat of a rant, but I needed to write about this somewhere, and figured this'd be a decent place.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I was happy for the first time in a while Some of you might know about a game called DDLC. It's a hard to describe. Anyway, I'm subscribed to the subreddit for this game and on Valentine's day, I woke up having a message in my inbox in reddit. I had completely forgotten it was Valentine's and the message was a link that said happy valentines. When I opened the link it was a picture of my favourite character next to a Valentine's day card addressed to me from the character. I know it's pathetic to be this happy about a message from a bot imitating a virtual character, but God damn it if it didn't make my day. I was almost in tears. I felt great.
|
self.depression
|
13 failed suicide attempts later.. And I still want to die more than anything. I don't exactly think that I would kill myself, it's just a wish that never comes true. Like maybe one day I'll finally get it right.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i can’t believe there’s barely 1 month left in 2017...time flies when your life is falling apart
|
self.depression
|
I used to be really depressed for years...Felt better recently and now I'm having panic attacks? The title sort of sums it up. I was previously depressed for years (5+), but managed it day-to-day very well. It didn't generally impact my professional life, though personal life did suffer sometimes in maintaining relationships. 3 months ago, after some major life changes, I actually felt a lot better, like my depression was going away.
A few weeks later, I had to give a job talk and had what I now recognize as my first panic attack. Since then, I've had one or two more and am almost constantly thinking about the possibility of having another attack and am having a lot of trouble coping.
Has anyone else experienced a swing from long-term depression to a panic disorder?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need help with a friend So my 16 year old friend has been missing many weeks of school recently, and I just recently found out that he was depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I tried talking to him and telling him that I'm there for him if he ever wanted to talk to somebody about anything but he doesn't want to talk, meaning I can't help him. I've given him the number to kids help phone (a company that you can call to talk to people about depression) and I've linked this subreddit as well. Right now I'm just really scared for him and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I've been through depression before and I've thankfully gotten over it, thinking that that would help him but he's not responding to most of my messages. I just need to know what to do to make sure he doesn't harm himself and to get him back to his old self again.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I need to avoid what pains me I've always had an insecurity and inferior complex when it comes to my definition of success. That depression is coming back to me again and I need to let out what is bothering me.
I'm seeing people younger than me get into better schools than me in harder subjects that I couldn't handle. I see people moving on much farther ahead and doing things that I haven't been able to do.
I wish God could have just given me more blessings. At least have let me go to UCLA regardless of major.
And yet I know that I'm so lazy and not a hard worker and I can't tell you if it's my ADHD or it's actually just me. I feel like I should know better but I don't.
I feel like what is easy for others is hard for myself but other people can be so harsh and just say that it's all in your head...if you just worked hard and started just focusing on your goal then things would move forward. They make it sound so easy...and I feel like it's supposed to be easy to do but I just can't do it. And I can't decide if it's just me who thinks its hard or if it's just honestly hard for me.
|
self.depression
|
depression Note: also submitted this in /r/depression
I want to be totally honest, because I need real advice. when I was 12 and 13 I self harmed and I developed a slight eating disorder. Around this time the love of my middle/high school relationship developed and he helped me stop self harming. but the eating disorder stayed with me. Then, around age 15 or 16 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My high school boyfriend cheated on me and them started dating her. I got through high school slowly and got involved in some art mural type stuff to keep myself busy. I was accepted in to my dream college and I kept moving forward. My first semester here was great! Might a guy who has over time accepted and helped me with anxiety, depression, and bipolar tendencies.
He was away from school this past weekend and I drank with some of my girl friends, but all of my happiness went away once I got back to my dorm because I realized my man wasn't here for me while I started having tons of panic attacks and I started to feel depressed. One night while he was gone I self harmed. One of my best friends saw what I had done and was very concerned. She told my boyfriends roommate who would do anything for me because we are very close. I was drunk so they were both taking care of me all night. Another one of our friends also found out I self harmed and is understanding because his girl friend also struggles with issues like these. A this point, I feel like our whole groups knows I'm depressed lately and showing extreme bipolar tendencies. But, I don't know who knows. I feel so ashamed. Telling my boyfriend that I cut my legs was humiliating. I thought that I was okay and I didn't feel the need to harm myself anymore. Now, I don't feel okay anymore. I realized that my today marks the day that my boyfriends grandfather passed away last year and I feel selfish as fuck for feeling so depressed and having anxiety attacks while he's probably having a rough day. By boyfriend suggested I make a reddit about because I HATE seeing a therapist, it does nothing for me.
If anyone has any suggestions at all about anything I have said please comment.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is there help available or is it all talk? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Help I’m depressed
What should I do to feel better naturally?
What are some good meditation techniques to get rid of anxiety?
I want to take control of my life
Maybe I need to change some things about it
Like get a new job
That must be why I depressed
But it’s hard to blame it on a circumstance
Because they change
I feel like there must be a deeper issue
I need to stop thinking about the past
And use what I have
And not stress out for no reason
God damn
Juggling working at a shitty grocery store job and going to school is a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I’m thinking if I have a job where I just sit around all day- I’d be 90% less stressed out all the time
Gotta job hunt
|
self.depression
|
Does tough love work for you? Or does it leave you feeling worse?
|
self.depression
|
People who insult depressed people I recently posted something on Reddit, which was one of my first posts. It was about depressed and sad things. Anyways I received some comments mocking me like “attention seeker.” I feel like that is a general consensus people have about suicidal people. Perhaps, it because those rude individuals are unable to feel things so deeply. They’re unable to feel pain so deeply that they don’t want to live anyone. Therefore, the only logical reason for someone trying to kill themselves in their mind is for attention.
What I would like to tell these types of people is. If someone hates the world so much they want to die, why do you think your pity, or anyone’s mean anything to them? If things that they used to love, mean nothing to them, why would some random strangers pity or attention mean anything.
If someone truly wants to die they don’t care about attention. They don’t care about anything. They just want it to be over.
Now these people might say. Well if they don’t want attention why would they post online or tell people. Well writing about your feelings can help lessen their intensity. It can ease emotional and mental strain. It helps to let out your feelings. Perhaps individuals choose to post online because they don’t have anyone to talk about it with in their real life. Everyone needs to let out their feelings one way or another.
I just don’t understand how people can be so cold and cruel. If someone feels so low they don’t want to live why do you feel the need to add to their pain. To give them another reason to not want to be here?
It’s probably because they tried sharing their feelings and were met with hostility.
Anyways, if you’re taking to a depressed or suicidal person don’t call them an attention seeker. It does nothing but worsen the situation. Who knows that could be the final push for them to end it.
I personally wasn’t posting my sad story for “attention.” Actually isn’t everything social anyone does for attention? When you speak to someone aren’t we doing that for the basic human need for socialization. People need to talk to others. It’s engrained into our DNA. Anyways, I posted my depressed story just to feel relief. I’ve been forced to keep so many secrets, I just wanted to relieve some. I also wondered if there were others who hand been through similar experiences/felt how I felt.
If you honestly come onto reddit and post on someone depression or suicide post insulting them. You really need to take a good look in the mirror at who you are. Because it’s people like that, that make others not what to live. Try to show some compassion, or don’t say anything at all.
Thank you
|
self.depression
|
Friend died at Christmas from cancer. He was one of us, a fellow depression warrior. Sometimes im happy for him because he got out and doesn't have to suffer now. Is that wrong?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Started Celexa yesterday, and it was a rough first night. So yesterday I went and saw my GP because I've finally given up trying to handle my anxiety on my own. She prescribed me citalopram 20mg. I was told it can make me really drowsy, so I waited until around bedtime to take it.
After about an hour and having a hot bath I immediately felt the effects of the drug. I suddenly became a drooling zombie and was crazy tired. I went to lie down and within a few minutes of my boyfriend talking to me I passed out.
Fast forward to 4 am and I SHOT awake (like literally jumped and sat up). And then I was stuck awake for the rest of the night. I was tossing and turning and feeling nauseous. Actually it felt very similar to being really high on MDMA or something, but not in a good way.
It's now mid afternoon next day and I still feel strange, muscles are weak and I'm overall having a "hungover" type feeling.
I know my doctor said it will get worse before it gets better. And this isn't my first attempt at a medication, I've also tried Zoloft and Pristiq but they are too expensive.
I don't really know why I'm making this post, I guess mainly to start a conversation about Celexa. Does the insomnia ever go away? And should I try taking it in the morning instead? Thoughts and opinions are welcome.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can't bring myself to checking myself in to a hospital. My brother's dead, my family hates me, my ex left me, I face legal and financial issues. The only escape seems to be death. I don't know what else to say. I'm stuck in this continuous loop of self hatred, my family hates me, my ex left me, I can't even support myself. Every time I walk past my father whom I live with, he scoffs at me, or says something like "stupid motherfucker," or "I fucking hate you" under his breath. My brother died about 6 years ago at 22 (I'm 24 now), and you would think he would learn to love his family. Living like this is miserable. It isn't even living. It's just existing. I can't take it anymore. I have no support. I can't even help myself. I can't even bring myself to check myself into a hospital. What should I even do? Should I feel shame for wanting to end my life? No one else wants me here, so why should I? The only thing that's stopping me is knowing that my two cats will be alone without me. Sad, I know. The only thing I have left in life are two cats... everyone thinks I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I feel so mentally ill. No one takes me seriously. The only thing I feel like I can do is take myself from this world.
I think that tonight might be the night. I don't know why I keep reaching out. I feel like maybe someone will come around and say something that I find worth living for, but I know that just sounds crazy. An individual needs to find something from within worth living for. And all I feel is emptiness.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So lonely, it hurts so bad, and it's pretty much always been like this. I'm a 30 year old man. Never had a serious girlfriend, only online dating and bar hookups. Few friends since high school as I studied engineering in college so not much time for friends, hobbies, athletics, or anything. Pretty much ate every meal after Junior year alone, spent every weekend in the lab.
I got a pretty good job after college, but my life is pretty much work, browse reddit, watch Netflix, and dumb youtube vids in my free time and am pretty much blackout drunk from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening at this point.
Did the gym thing but it is extremely difficult to feel like a functioning human being doing activities as part of a balanced life when I am pretty much entirely socially isolated outside of it. Like, leave an empty apartment, go to a gym, talk to noone at all, workout, then go home to an empty apartment when I am aching for another human being to simply have a fucking conversation with, or share a meal with.
Tried rec sports, meetups, etc. but people seem to be there *for the activity* and are only interested in contextual relationships, like it is only okay to meet at certain places to do certain things, they are not available or not interested in meeting up for other things, and I end up feeling like a massive fucking creep for violating unstated boundaries just by taking an interest in other people or trying to do fun things with people outside of these contexts.
I'm pretty much completely and totally starved for any sort of social interaction, probably overcompensate by being too nice/generous, and probably weird people out. Yeah you're supposed to "give without expectation" and "be nice for its own sake" but FUCK how do people make friends??? What the fuck do I have to do, or who the fuck do I have to be in order to not be so fucking socially isolated???? I'm not going around being an asshole, fucking people over, stealing, flaking, insulting, etc. I've volunteered, which is a nice temporary alleviation of the loneliness but it doesn't last. Noone is interested in doing anything other than just that simple volunteer activity.
I have made some acquaintances but few invitations are extended, pretty much everything is one-sided, facebook messages for invitations go unanswered, etc. It seems like most people have a full social circle of people that they've developed deep relationships with, are simply uninterested, and only "connect" because they're being polite or something. I'm an expendable option, a dude they just met the other day, so I can't really blame them for not being interested in starting as deep of a friendship as I would eventually like to have.
I feel really beat-down, lonely, and am simply exhausted. Like I have nothing left to give and have run out of time to make real friends. So many favors, invitations, gifts, time, money, energy completely and totally wasted on people who **do not give a fuck about me and never will.**
I've got a decade of loneliness and social inexperience behind me and I don't know what to do because I've tried to stay strong but I'm pretty much broken and ready to snap. It's fucking brutal when I have continuously put myself out there, few if any people have accepted me, very few have reciprocated, and almost nobody ever initiate contact or conversation. Not sure what to do next, because the only thing that numbs my incredible pain and loneliness is alcohol.
Thanks for listening :/
|
self.offmychest
|
I've lived with a parent post-graduation for five years. It was supposed to be temporary.
But I realized that no, I wasn't good at holding down a job, maybe I'd be better at being a freelancer.
I had no savings. No insurance. Nothing but debt and a bad relationship with my birth family.
But I had him. And he had a mom with a home.
My career has grown. I'm not rich, but I'm making money and I'm on my true path (not the VA/crappy job I had before). I struggle with bills but I pay them. But I bought my own health insurance. I'm trying to get ahead of bills and pay down debt.
I found a treatment for my depression two years ago, something I've struggled with forever. This year I realized I have PMDD and have been treating it.
I feel like a lazy piece of shit. I still have barely any savings. But I don't want an in-house job. I don't want to be attached to a company and have it fail and be fired. I want to be in charge of my own destiny, as shitty and entitled as that sounds. I want to get better at it and just do it.
I'm still with the man I adore. The one I moved into the home of and whose mother I share a house.
The sick part is, it's been healing to be in this house. But I'm afraid it's turning me into a lazy, piece of shit 27-year-old. An embarrassment to my conservative dad if he were still alive.
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel kind of dumb because I'm considering changing my college major from Information Systems to Management [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Failure Im behind on money and owe and finally looking for a job but nothing’s close enough because I have a phobia of driving and the best answer I can think of rn is to just die and everything would be better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm finally admitting I'm (still) not okay This ended up a lot longer than I thought, but this is my first time really admitting this to myself. Thanks all for readinf.
I was first diagnosed with depression when I was a whopping 6 years old. I was put on Zoloft, which I stopped taking when I turned 12. I do not remember those 6 years, both now and back in the moment. The next 6 years were pretty crappy, more family issues and when I was 17, I finally asked for help and saw a counselor weekly for a year. The last time I saw her I was 18 and two weeks away from moving states away for college.
Those first few years living away from home weren't the greatest, but the last three weren't all that bad. I realize now how much I was pretending. I was becoming an adult, living on my own, paying my own way. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be happy. I laughed, I smiled, I had friends and coworkers who liked me. But there was also that voice in my mind, the voice that never actually went away, the voice I just suppressed for three years. The voice of my depression, of doubt and worthlessness, the voice telling me all my friends don't actually like and my coworkers probably hate me. That I shouldn't date because who would like me. That I shouldn't find a better job because I don't deserve it.
I wanted to be happy, so I pretended to be. This was also around the time I first started drinking alcohol and smoking weed. I used them to numb myself, to quiet the voice telling me how useless and a waste of space I am. I didn't drink constantly since I was already paranoid about becoming an alcoholic (like my mother) but whenever I did drink, I drank to get drunk. And I used weed every single day. Smoke whatever's left in the bowl before heading to work in the morning, smoke a bowl or two when I got home, smoke another or two before bed. It made me not care, which I liked. I told myself I was happy, that I was over my depression. But I still cried myself to sleep a couple nights a week.
My anxiety has been getting worse in the past 6 years. I thought that was my only issue. I had convinced myself that I was finally "normal" because all I have ever wanted was to be normal, to be happy. I've been on Prozac for two months for the anxiety. I told the NP over and over I was over my depression, all that's left is the anxiety.
But that was a lie. I've been lying to myself and everyone in my life for--- forever, for my whole life. I've always just pretended to be okay, bottled everything up and plastered a smile on my face, while weeping on the inside.
It's been 18 years. It just feels like what's the point? What if I'm destined to just always be depressed? What if I'll never be happy?
|
self.depression
|
No, I'm not going to come into work sick. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Motion imbalance? Hello everyone who may or may not be reading this post.... I’m just trying to get some clarity on my motion imbalance issues. Ok so I have anxiety but that’s a no brainer since I’m posting here 😅 anyways I read somewhere once that motion imbalance may be linked to anxiety and it may be a stress induced response the body has. So my query to anyone is does anyone who has anxiety experience motion imbalance issues like the sensation of falling or tilting or the sensation of being on a cruise ship or a moving vessel? Sometimes I’ll get the sensation of falling or I’ll have to grab on to something because I get the spontaneous sensation of falling.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Lost my touch Over the past, almost two years now, I’ve isolated myself. I feel like I don’t even know how to talk to people anymore, or when I do I feel like they’re making fun of me under their breath which isolates me more. I hate that I’ve become this way so so much and I have no idea how to fix it.
|
self.bipolar
|
Am I the only one who refuses to tell my family? I'm depressed and I really want to talk to people about it since I constantly seem to bother my friends with it and only one seems to listen for a while before she gets annoyed or mad at me for my self loathing. I refuse to tell my family though I fear their reaction. I want to be treated normally and not be treated like I'm depressed, but I'd like them to know. I don't want to go to therapy either because that seems worthless and waste of my time, but things like meds I'd be willing to try. But the fear of their reaction I refuse to tell them this. I don't want everyone to know about it because they'd prolly tell everybody and be extremely clingy to me which is the sheer opposite of what I want. Am I the only person who will refuse to tell family?
|
self.depression
|
No one can ever convince me that life is worth living On Thursday I think I'm going to tell my therapist to go fuck herself with her "positivity" shit because I'm sick of hearing it. And I won't be getting another therapist. I'm done. 2018 will definitely be my last year of life.
Life is not worth living. Clearly that's the case when NO ONE has ever given me one god damn reason to fucking live.
|
self.depression
|
I’ve been having some messed up dreams I always have nightmares and they always get worse each night. The worst thing about my nightmares is that they always seem so real. I’ve had nightmares of people watching my every move. Nightmares where everyone goes missing. Nightmares where people break their necks or get stabbed and blood splattering everywhere, where creatures crawl out of body’s or my body being dismembered.I have seen so many terrifying things. I remember when I had a lucid nightmare, I could feel the touch of other people and I could feel wetness of blood, I wanted to wake up but I couldn’t so I had to wait it out and witness the terror of my dream. I was so happy to wake up. I just want a peaceful nights rest.
But I remember when In my lucid nightmare when my friends mom hit a clown with a car and I flipped the clown of ass we drive away. That was actually a good ending in my nightmare and I was happy about that. But the clown was a bloody mess.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm boring and so much predictable that nobody actually wants me. All my life I've been hearing things like -
"Why are you like this?". "You are predictable!". "I just knew that you gonna say that or do this".
Nobody ever thinks that how does this makes me feel. I feel so low, I feel useless and feel like I'm nothing. I feel that I'm disturbing, and unwanted. It's so easy to left me alone, so easy to just discard me. I'm there for them, when they need to be with someone, they need someone to listen. But I got noone, nobody ever wants to listen to me.
This is the reason I've distanced myself from everyone. This is the reason why I've always been lonely and never opened up to anyone. Nobody cares, nobody just wants to be there for me. This is the reason that I'll never be able to be with anyone. This is the reason I've decided that it's better to just be on my own. If it ever gets unbearable, I could always just end it myself. And I will, I know I won't be able to continue like this forever.
I don't know what to do, I've tried and failed. I can't remember most of my childhood, been suffering from depression for almost 15 years, tried to kill myself twice and failed. I'm 28, I got noone, I don't know how a hug feels, I never held anyone by their hand, It gets so lonely sometimes, it actually hurts. I feel empty. I cry almost everyday, I'm crying right now. For atleast over a decade, I've cried myself to bed.
So many people, wanted by so many others die everyday. I'm no one, nobody wants, yet here I am living a life I don't want to live. I just wish I could end it right now. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself.
|
self.depression
|
DEAR /R/BIPOLAR: MY BP1 ANGST HAS A BODY COUNT - PART IV FIction level: -100%
Ratemyprofessor.com
"As an English graduate student, I like to state the objective and subjective facts. Obj: he is smart. Sub.: he is young and about making tenure. I'm at a B right now and to him a B in grad school is an F. So if I pass with a B I don't care. He failed me as a professor 👎 I hope I never see him again, so I don't have to tell him, 'Honestly, I feel almost as psychopathic as you just looking at you. Go Fuck yourself.'"
I am super depresssd right now. Can someone send me a BP meme to make me go 😀😅😂
|
self.bipolar
|
Off Topic Kinda, But Has Anyone Else Played Persona? More specifically, Persona 4. I've never played any other games in the series and I've just started playing that not too long ago. I'm addicted to it and I fucking love it. It's also been distracting me from my depression a bit.
That's all, really. Persona 4 makes me happy lol.
|
self.depression
|
I need help, last year I got a panic attack in class and now every time I go into a class room and the teacher is teaching I start feeling trap and get really really anxious, it’s ruining my ability to learn.
|
self.Anxiety
|
*sigh* I just keep coming back here, don't I? I'm so tired of all this. Just when things were beginning to look up for me. My friends are slowly vanishing one by one, including people I've met on here who pulled me through some difficult times. But I've ended up driving away a very close friend of mine. I said I would always be there for them, but when they needed me most... *sighs* I never meant to hurt them. I cared too much and came across as cold and distant trying to save my own sanity. I feel like I've been a selfish jerk and I doubt they'll ever be able to trust me again.
I hate being so isolated all the time. I feel like nobody can hear me.
Why am I even here anymore?
I just want to stop hurting
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hello I don't know why I'm writing this but my whole life is just shit. I don't understand what is wrong but I just have enough of life. I'm an intelligent girl who works during the week and studies financial and accounting during the weekend. In told I'm beautiful and have a nice body and I'm smart kind of have it all but I'm a very unhappy person. I don't have family expect my mother and grandmother. Mother doesn't really care about what I do and my grandma is way over protective. I have done a lot of weird things in my life and I still do things that I think are fucked up and not normal. I don't have anyone. I can never find a boyfriend. I don't have friends. I have colleagues from school or work but not friends. I have been moving from place to place all my life. I don't have a lot of money. I have been seeing the psychiatrist for depression. Something is wrong with me in not like everyone else. I can't understand people. Most of then make me angry and I just cut my relations with them. I'm scared I'm a psycho. I'm crazy I do a lot of random stuff and dangerous things that put my person at risk. I don't think I'm scared of anything. People think I'm crazy for doing things I do. I'm so lonely. I don't know what to do with my life and if my life has any point? It's a misery for me. Nobody likes me. I don't think I'm friendly. I say what I think and I say what I want because I don't see how I can not speak up and pretend a lot of things. Pretending makes me angry. I have been in deep shit before and came out of this but every time I'm putting myself together my life just starts falling to crap again. I'm tired of getting up and just fighting and pretending I'm all okay and fine and everything is just ok. I feel I have to be someone I'm not so other people like and respect me. Nobody wants me. I feel different. Nobody understands me. I have issues and problems. I started to get drunk and I laugh at this world and life and at myself because I can't handle it. I laugh at how stupid i am. I am staring to become an alcoholic. I want to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel so damaged, I can't bear to live like this I felt suicidal for the better part of one year now, and actually posted here before. I was very disheartened and hopeless by the decline of my cognitive capabilities following two concusions which happened in quick succesion. I couldn't do sports as I liked, which really fucked me up because of my body image issues.
Anyhow, after almost half a year I finally got better, did sports, even got a sixpack. I was finally starting to accept my body for the first time in my life. But then I got prescribed ciprofloxacin for a suspected infection, the doctor told me he could test if it really was because of bacteria, but he wouldn't. He just described my the antibiotics and sent me home.
Immediatly after I took the first pills I began to feel very weird, almost tripping. I was very dumb, but I chalked it up to being a common adverse effect of antibiotics. I also got extremly depressed and emotional unstable, crying almost the whole day.
I discontinued the antibiotics because of this and reading about the horrific stories about it online. On top of that the antibiotic didn't even help the "infection".
I really hoped I wouldn't develop the tendon issues or the neuropathies, but after 3 days I got the nerve damage, and a week later my achilles heel started to hurt. The pain progressed, and affected every part of my body. I felt and feel like an old man, but I'm 24.
Almost 3 months later now, the issues haven't gone away. My achilles heel seems to get better, but my shoulders haven't. I still feel dumber and not like myself anymore. And when I read only about ciprofloxacin's nasty side effects, one word always struck me: permanent.
I feel like I have been damaged through and through. I feel like I can never fully put a strain on my body again without the risk of tendon rupture. I feel like I lost my old personality. I feel like I lost the body I finally was ready to be comfortable with. My stomach, which has bad skin due to being formely over weight, looks like shit again, but I even lost weight.
I really don't want to live on like this anymore. I feel like everytime I heal from some shit which makes my life unbearable to me, I get struck by even worse shit. I hate being me in my life.
I am in therapy already, but I don't really find solace in it. I cannot accept being so imperfect, when my best friend and sometimes lover is the perfect human next to me. I feel so inadequate, but I don't want to.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Odd thoughts about ending it all. I noticed in my thoughts that if I were to commit suicide, I'd make sure to have a very low chance of succeeding... it shows up in the way I tend to think about ending it all. Pills and alcohol: most of the time, you just end up sick and groggy for a while, but I've heard of very few cases of succeeding. Train: well, as I know myself, I'd jump out of the rails at the last moment. Putting myself on fire: I don't want to end up disfigured if I were to fail. Cutting a vein in my wrist: I could cut a tendon, or end up with a bad scar.
Maybe I just want to send a cry of help to the people around me. The more time passes, the more I feel like no one actually loves me. Maybe I just want to feel that people still love me, so I'd have a reason to keep going on. I have friends, a good family, but I feel so alone... I have no luck in love either. I just feel like no one genuinely cares, and that fucks me up more and more as the time passes. Currently alternating between stratospheric joy and suicidal thoughts with no other desire than to lay down and cry. All in the same day. It's so tiring, I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of being the person no one cares about, the one who's always taken for granted, or the one who's called "dramatic" because I care so much, and **feel** so much. I make time for people who then bail on me, or get more anxious about their idols than their actually depressed friend. If I failed at killing myself, maybe these people who always told me "you're overreacting", "you're too dramatic", "detach yourself from your emotions" would actually understand that I'm actually suffering, and not being dramatic. Maybe people who bailed on me several times in a row would notice and think about their behaviour, and then not do it again with not only me, but also future people of their life, because they'd know how someone can need them to just have a small moment of happiness. Maybe things would change. Maybe it'd teach me a good lesson.
I just feel like such a piece of shit right now.
|
self.depression
|
Lamictal and Seroquel combo Have any of you guys been on this combination before? If so could you tell me how it worked out? I was just recently diagnosed as bipolar and in the next few weeks I'm going to be seeing a psychiatrist to get a prescription. I am going to tell them that I'm interested in trying lamictal because all of the great success stories I've heard of it treating bipolar depression (my worst symptom is by far the depression) but I am also interested in trying seroquel since it is known to treat the depression and many other problems I have such as anxiety and insomnia.
I'm worried about the seroquel though because I tried a similar sedative once and I hated the feeling. I'm a generally lethargic person so I don't like being sedated. Should I just try the lamactil alone and see how that goes or should ask for both first and see how the sedative effects of the seroquel affect me?
Any advice advice from people who have already been through similar situations or any stories from anyone who has been on either one or both of these medicines would be greatly appreciated.
|
self.bipolar
|
Taking antidepressants with whey powder? Just want to know anybody here that use antidepressant and also whey protein powder. I read on forms that they don't go so well together. Not sure if it is a placebo effect. I been trying to workout with a friend, but my motivation is at a all time low. Don't exactly know what to do. I am also very paranoid about using supplements since I think they can counter the effects of antidepressants Please help, thanks.
|
self.depression
|
i wish someone would tell me what a worthless piece of garbage I am just someone validate me please. i can't be the only one who sees it, i can;t stand being crazy any longer someone else has too see this too
|
self.depression
|
We always had a good time, but there are few memories. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
England make me depressed! makes * Hello! I am new to this subreddit and Reddit in general. I have been living in England since I was 7 years old and I absolutely hate it. At first, I enjoyed it but then as the years dragged on I started to loathe it. I have always wanted to move to America, but 2017 was the year that I started absolutely hating England. I am trying to save up money to move out of this place because the weather is horrible, the people are horrible and the overall atmosphere is depressing. I just feel it is hard for me to flourish and achieve things here and that's why saving money and being productive is so hard for me - because each day is so gloomy and horrible for me :(
|
self.depression
|
I don't enjoy the things I used to Things I used to enjoy, like music and playing video games and building model kits are plagued with thoughts of people from my past, and I don't find the same joy doing them as I used to. I've lost interest in a lot of these things, and it's so hard finding new stuff that can take my mind off my past and give me joy.
|
self.depression
|
part of me doesnt want to get better I've been depressed and suicidal for several years now, and I figure life is only going to get more difficult as time goes on. I recently turned 20 years old, and I spent my entire birthday either crying or sleeping, just because I was so disgusted at myself for being alive this long and not having killed myself yet.
I've been in several therapy programs and tried countless medications, and they seem to help a little bit, but the problems are still here. Because I figure that life is only going to get harder as I get older, the only way for me to truly be happy is by being dead. I believe that once I die my consciousness will cease to exist, and that is exactly what I want. So I feel that by undergoing all this work to heal myself, I'm only making things worse by bringing my thoughts further away from suicide. I often even try to sabotage myself by doing various things that I know are emotionally unhealthy, all in hope that maybe it will make me miserable enough to have the will to kill myself. but it hasn't worked so far.
I don't know what to do with myself. I am pretty sure what the "right" answer would be in this situation, but part of me feels that by trying to emotionall/mentally heal myself, I'm ultimately only going to make myself more unhappy by prolonging my life. I feel like a coward for not having killed myself even after contemplating it for 6 years.
I'm actually not sure what I hope to gain from making this post, as I suspect I know what kind of responses I'll get, if any. I'm always getting the "it gets better" talk but as much as the words seem to make sense, I I honestly don't believe it.
I guess I'm just saying that I feel that me "getting better" would only make things worse. there's a part of me that *wants* to want to get better, but there's also a part of me that would rather be dead than be "better". I've been trying so hard for a long time now, and I'm just getting so tired.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Moving isn't falling in line, redo room? So here is my situation. I am in a living environment right now that I absolutely cannot stand. I suffer from adjustment disorder, anxiety, and depression. I am in therapy and on medication just for background before people start suggesting those things. I have been trying to move but my budget is tight and I live in the city. Things just arent working out moving wise. I've been looking and looking and also looking to find someone to take my spot in the place that I currently rent. (I have a puppy that restricts some of my moving options). So here's my question. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could redo my room so that it actually starts to feel like my own safe space. I've had a lot of bad stuff happen since I moved here and I'm having a hard time associating it with anything good. I had a friend who went through a personal struggle so her parents redid her entire room to try and help the environment. Has anyone had any experience with this or any suggestions? Anything will help. My anxiety makes change really hard for me so the thought of this and moving has me heightened as well. Anyway sorry for the rant and thanks for any advice!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I figured it out and I'm kind of relieved I've been racking my brain for months trying to figure out a solution to my problems. I've been pretty active in this sub but suicide never felt "right" until I figured it out last night. The common problem in everyone's life is me so if I take care of that everyone will be happy. I don't want to go into too much detail because it'll be a novel, but yeah. I'm leaving and it'll fix everyone's problems and I'm so so so so happy I figured out the solution. I'm at peace with it and I'm happy about it. I just wanted to let you guys know because so many of you reached out to me the last couple months and helped me when I was upset .
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What are you supposed to do when normal life just isn't fulfilling enough? First of all, I don't even know if I'm depressed, I'm just here because it's the only place I know people might feel the same
I'm doing good in school, working out, I have friends and I try to eat better but what's the point of all that when life feels completely meaningless? Recently I've been consumed by an existential crisis and I can't enjoy things like video games anymore, they're fantasy worlds and I'd rather live in the real world but the real world is boring, individualistic and just a race until death.
|
self.depression
|
I lost her because I'm a coward I've met this girl for 3 months. She's really cool and fun to be with (despite all the swearing though). I started to like her and after around 1 month I invited her to my house to study.
That's where shit hits the fan. She gave me signs she liked me (like hug me, grab my waist as we walked along, say I'm cute). I actually didn't know at the time but I was just about to go on my 1st date ever.
She asked if we were gonna stay in touch after school and I said yes. When we arrived at my house, we saw some videos about books of a test we were gonna have. She ran her fingers through my hair and asked if I was gonna have time for her next year (I'm going to university next year). I said yes and that even if I was busy, we could still see each other.
I'm shy and never dated before, so I didn't make a move at all. Dumb me.
She told me she's a smoker (she's only 16 and I'm 17).
My family and I were going home after a party. It was past midnight. That's when my mom saw her on the streets with her brother and instantly thought she was not a girl for me.
I told her she's a smoker and my mother told me she could be using other drugs, that decent people don't stay out of their houses after midnight and basically tried to convince me to give up on her.
I was really confused and didn't know what to do. I pretty much broke contact with her for some days to think about what I should do.
We eventually started talking again and I still didn't make a move on her or asked her out (my mom wouldn't let me go if she knew it was this girl anyway).
Since past week she haven't talk with me. I saw her talking to a friend of mine. She didn't text me either.
When I talked with her yesterday, she was cold. Same thing happened today.
It seems she was interested on me and I didn't show interest on her (I do like her though), so she gave up on me and is dating my friend.
Now here I am, sad and mad with everything that happened. Mad at my mom because she made me broke contact (even though she has reason), but speacially mad at me for being a fucking coward and losing her because I didn't tried anything at all.
Now she's hanging with my friend and doesn't even want to be my friend anymore.
|
self.offmychest
|
Lonesome Tonight cause I wasted the line between all those times. I drew a really thin line.
Bonus points if you know the song.
Sup my bipolar peoples?
|
self.bipolar
|
Seeking the “being-liked” or “approval” feeling in social situations kills me [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I worked out today. I've been insecure about my body for a very long time. These insecurities have contributed to me loosing hope in many other areas of life.
Today I finally decided to just go to the gym (for the first time). I won't notice results today or tomorrow but I just had to start somewhere.
I can report I did well at the gym! Much better than I expected to. While working out I felt free from dark thoughts that would usually come to haunt me. I felt like I was living in the moment, alive.
|
self.depression
|
Relationships are hard I’ve always been someone who’s focused on my work: whether it’s getting an A on an exam or assignment, or securing a job or internship. It’s always been ignoring the other parts of my life to ensure that my professional life is set up: so now, as I approach the end of college (still have a semester), I have hit my professional goals.
Unfortunately, this has all really been at expense of my personal goals. Now, I’m by no means an introvert. I go out with friends all the time, and have been partying/hooking up w girls since freshman year, but I’ve never really had a real relationship with a girl before (never even been on a first date). I feel like while my friends look at me with envy Bc of my professional accomplishments, they don’t realize how much I envy their relationships. It just feels like it’s this entire phase of life I’m supposed to go through (whether love or heartbreak) that I just haven’t been through. The worst part is that there are girls I like, but I’m just too much of a wimp to actually do anything about it. I internally stop myself with stupid excuses like “they won’t be able to be with you in the long run after I graduate” Either way, it just kinda that while I can muster up the confidence to speak publicly or ask a recruiter for a job, I simply can’t ask a girl I like to go out.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm thinking about od'ing tonight. I feel done. I'm tired of hurting and no one understands.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
This is new I've never been so depressed to the point of wanting to vomit, till now.
|
self.depression
|
Completely lost my identity I don't know if anyone else feels this way.
It just seems I have completely lost all sense of individuality. I see through everything. Nothing makes me happy. And I can't really find purpose in anything.
Jaded with jobs, relationships, everything. It all just feels so pointless. I see all my old best friends on Facebook and they are still happy etc. But it feels like I failed my mission in life whatever that was and now I'm stuck in the fucking gutter. I feel like whatever I was born to do or be I drifted away from and now my life has no meaning
|
self.depression
|
I feel so, incredibly lonely I have an exam in less than 12 hours and I’m still on my bed; just scrolling through r/depression ... urgh..
I’ve almost given up completely in life; the few friends that I have are drifting away from me because I’m starting to get too clingy and almost reliant on them but I just feel so lonely inside..
like I don’t even know if anyone understands me or wants to understand me and I feel so separated from everyone in my school... like everyone else has friends and I’m just there sitting in the corridor every lunchtime waiting for the bell..
like during some moments even just want to suicide.. no one gives a shit about me and everyone that I talk to would just give a few messages of support and just drift away when I tell them what I’m facing... suicide isn’t always on my mind, but it’s almost always at the back of it: always an option that I could take. like I almost even wanted a spectacular suicide so I could just be noticed by people and just at least have people cry and care...
urgh... i feel so messed up inside, so hollow and just so incredibly lonely...
|
self.depression
|
I hate people who think they're much higher/better than you, or they make it seem like they're better than you, when you know what exactly they're doing. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone here believe in an afterlife? I have existential anxiety and need to vent because today was a stressful day By stressful, I simply mean that I've been worrying about my "impending doom" as if I'm going to blink and suddenly be an old man in a wheelchair today. More than "normal" anyway.
Do you guys believe in an afterlife? Because I honestly don't know what to believe. The mystery of death haunts me. There's some popular views on it, first in today's times perhaps being that there is nothing. We simply cease to exist. The thought of that is enough to drive me back into depression, honestly. I've considered that a little today and started to feel like I did a few months ago, listless, like nothing matters. Why even try anything if there's nothing? It's all meaningless then. Our little electron of a planet in this wide universe means nothing, and eventually entropy and heat death destroys the universe.
Second view is of course, heaven/hell. Eternity of bliss or torture both scare me, honestly. Eternity is a mind breaking concept for me. Recently I've been considering that the human mind probably can't understand eternity and that's helped, but there's plenty to fear still I think.
Next would be reincarnation I guess. Not the worst thing ever I guess, but it seems generally accepted that you stop doing it at some point, and well, you don't keep your memories so how different is it from ceasing to exist really?
Then there's the possibility that we're all wrong. Maybe you dream in isolation for all of time, as if asleep. That seems horrifying. Maybe it's total sensory deprivation for all time. Even more horrifying. Maybe there is an afterlife, but there's actually no benevolent God, just one that humans would consider "evil". Terrifying. I honestly think that if we're all wrong it's more likely to be a bad thing than a good thing. Life is harsh enough on its own.
What do you guys think? I really needed to vent and I do feel marginally better, but I want to know. I'd love to talk a bit.
|
self.Anxiety
|
i get a very particular, anxious, gnawing ache in my stomach when thinking about/working on college papers. it's like my brain is paralyzing me to stop any progress. I have so much to do, I want so badly to move forward with my life, to become a better human, but i just don't. i don't know what to do, i'm so tired of this self-sabotage. i'm so so tired.
I hope you're all doing much better than I am.
|
self.depression
|
I’m never going to be able to win an argument. I’m not quick witted enough. I couldn’t win even if I was right. Not even a simple argument about shoveling snow. I can’t argue back because I can’t think and listen at the same time when I’m feeling pressured. I could know that I’m right, but I can’t articulate it, and then that person thinks they won, and I feel like punching them. Maybe that means I’m not really that smart. All of my friends are intelligent people that like to argue and I don’t know why they let me hang out with them. I can’t get a word in if I think about what to say because they talk so fast. If I don’t think about what I’m saying then I say something stupid. I’m afraid to speak up at all because someone might disagree with me, and I can never win. I’ve had years to be able to practice this and I’ve only made very small improvements. It’s like when someone disagrees or criticizes me my brain shuts off. My emotions shut off, except for embarrassment and anger. I know on an abstract level what my argument is, but I can’t think fast enough to form the words and keep up with my mouth, and then I either stutter and it loses its impact or it comes out wrong as I’m saying it. I’ve tried to make myself accept it gracefully when I lose all arguments and stop caring about it, because it makes someone look like an ass if they argue poorly and don’t accept that they’re wrong, but please I want to be able to win for once and maybe to call someone out on their bullshit or just to make everyone else shut up and listen to me. How do people do it? How do you be able to say the right thing in the moment? How can rappers essentially turn their stream of consciousness into a verse with rhythm and rhymes? How can comedians know in the moment what they need to say and the correct delivery to make people laugh? How can a skilled debater keep their cool and come up with the right facts to be able to demonstrate to someone that they’re wrong? How is anyone able to appropriately contradict anyone without their brain puckering and checking out? It’s not fair. I just can’t fucking do it.
|
self.offmychest
|
ex ghosted me, feeling severely depressed over a month ago, my ex slept with me knowing I loved him and promised that he wouldn't disappear and that he wasn't just around to fuck me. (I have trust issues because he has done a lot of things to hurt me emotionally in the past- like talking about extremely personal things about me behind my back and then when I confronted him saying something like "well, it's been a trip. have a nice life.", blocking, and ignoring me). It was heavily implied that he loved me before we slept together, and even when we spent time together that day. We had talked for weeks beforehand and he had asked me to come over twice that week, and had made plans to go to a movie with me soon also. And then after the first time we saw each other again and slept with each other he told me he didn't feel anything but friendship feelings (and that he didn't know I felt that way, but I am 110% sure that isn't true) he said we could still be friends and reassured me again he wouldn't go anywhere. fast forward to now, he has completely ignored me for weeks, and I got frustrated and upset that he would hurt me so badly like that when he knew how much I loved him and how I had pretty bad depression and after we had had a heart to heart while cuddling after he had slept with me about our suicidal thoughts we sometimes had (so I figured he wouldn't hurt me again since he opened up so much and acted like he cared). so I messaged him and basically told him how cold he was and how messed up it was to try and gain my trust again and then repeatedly promise that he'd never just abandon me, and then do exactly that immediately after. and I also said that it would have saved a lot of time if he had just told me to jump off a bridge to begin with. I feel kinda bad. I don't want him to feel bad, I just got upset cause I want him to care. I love him so much and I've given him the benefit of the doubt so many times because I loved him and believed that he was good. I still think deep down he's good, which hurts even more because it makes me love him more than I would if I hated his guts. I love him so much it hurts.
Aside from that there were many other traumatic things that happened on just that day (even more stuff happened in the past when we were together). He was really aggressive when we made love the second go, after we had sex the first time I was sore and I didn't want to do it anymore, but he started touching me and I kept saying no over and over, but eventually I got aroused and gave up. but idk maybe my tone wasn't serious enough, and I had told him at some point that among the fantasies I had I also had non-consent fantasies sometimes, and he didn't physically force me, he just kept touching me when I said no. So I'm not about to call it rape or anything like that. It still fucking hurts though. I would've assumed after the first no he'd be like "no as in yes or no as in no?", but that was not the case. (and I'm pretty sure while we were still dating I discussed with him that if we ever did anything super kinky like that we'd need a safeword). I didn't mention anything to him about it cause I don't know how serious my nos sounded so I don't want to blame him if I wasn't clear enough. I kinda wish I did talk to him about it though, so he'd know what I'm going through.
I feel so worthless, stupid, needy, and pathetic. I'm also very frustrated because I have only one friend that I'm not that close with, (I've been chronically ill for years with an unknown illness, so I haven't been to school enough because I'm so exhausted, so I haven't made any new friends since middle school.), so the only people I really have to talk about my issues with is my mom, my sister, my dad and my therapist, and I'm only comfortable talking to my mom and therapist, but I've talked to them so much about how I've felt regarding him for the last month or two that I feel like they're annoyed to listen to it anymore.
I really really want to kill myself. It fucking hurts so much that the person I love so much cares so little of me that they'd do that. that I'm so ugly and unlovable that I couldn't keep someone around for more than a week or two after they see me. I don't have any friends to talk to and I'm flunking the only class I'm still in. My mom is paying for the class I was in and dropped and the class I'm in now and that plus all the late fees and messed up paperwork that screwed up last years financial aid, I just feel bad and frustrated that she is paying so much for me to be a screw up and a burden emotionally and financially. I just feel like such a failure and that any potential I had has been squashed by both me and my chronic illness, and that I'm just a loser with no friends that won't ever be able to find anyone that loves me for anything more than my heavily done up appearance. I try to have hope that things will get better, we have a new lead on what could be causing the debilitating mystery illness, so maybe that will help. idk all I want is a friend that really cares about me, someone I can hang out with and have sleepovers with and smoke weed with (weed is the only thing that makes me feel happiness anymore).
idk for me it really helps to talk about the relationship and all of the bad shit, if I don't talk about it enough I start to miss him a lot. Just answering questions about it and getting confirmation that I'm not to blame and that the things he did to me were fucked has helped a couple of times. Or just questions about anything in general. (I have lots of trauma to talk out). It feels a bit better for people to know what he did, because it feels like I'm the only person in the world that knows (no one in his family or friend group knows) and everyone thinks he's great so in my mind it's almost the same as if it had never happened at all.
I feel bad for taking away time from the other people, but I'm so far at the end of my rope and I've been desperately trying to keep myself together but it just isn't happening. I just need to talk through stuff. Sorry for rambling, thanks.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I forgot my friends birthday tonight i just realized i forgot my friends birthday that was over a month ago. she’s my closest friend and i don’t know how i could forget. I looked back at my journal the week of her birthday... it was filled with a lot of overwhelming anxiety for me so i guess that’s why i forgot her birthday. i feel awful because for my birthday she gave me the nicest surprise i’ve ever received. i gave her nothing, not even a birthday wish. fuck i feel like such an awful friend
|
self.Anxiety
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.