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pill combinations? i’m just tired all the time. it’s been three years of feeling this way now and i know there are so many of you who’ve had it worse for much longer. you are all so strong. i wish i could carry on for a while longer.
i’ve been a shut in the last two months while my roommates go to school and work and live their lives. today i put all their lives at risk because of my habits and i don’t want something like this to happen again. no one else should have to be hurt because of my problems.
i had my prescriptions refilled today. baclofen, cyclobenzaprine, diclofenac. i’m going to sleep.
goodbye.
UPDATE: well fuck pills aren’t the best way to fall asleep forever not mine anyway i guess.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My therapist doesn't have a plan or structure and just seems to impromptu talk Is this normal? I don't feel like my therapy is working towards any particular goal and it just feels like I'm just chatting with her. I do have problems, but I don't feel like they're being addressed and instead are being left aside.
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self.bipolar
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Spring time mania I find that once spring starts to near and the weather starts to get nicer that I am more susceptible to mania/hypomania. Anyone else experience the same?
It's mid-February and I'm currently in what feels like a hypomanic state.... I should be trying to sleep right now as I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep these past 3 days as I should but racing thoughts keep me up and atom...
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self.bipolar
|
How to make it through January? Advice needed This is my first post here, so please be kind.
I am facing the following situation: 10 exams in January (Masters degree level), and a very bleak and uncertain future after that. (No, you don't get a job or internship or whatever even w/ a Masters degree, when you are as much of a loser as I am). Here's the thing though: I have been struggling with depression for a long, long time. It comes and goes in episodes. I noticed that taking the contraceptive pill Yasmin exacerbates my depression. I started taking the pill a year ago, went off it for a couple of months in the autumn, and now I had to start taking it again because my nightmarish hormonal acne started coming back. My cheeks look like the surface of the moon ffs (just for the record, I'm 25, never had acne as a teenager; it hit me at the age of 22. Now I have both pimples AND wrinkles. yey.) I have tried everything else but Yasmin was the only thing that got me rid of the cysts. I won't stop again. As you can imagine, having a bad, cystical acne AGAIN would make me twice as depressed. With regards to the antidepressants, I did take Cipralex last autumn but it didn't help really; if anything, it made me feel even more suicidal.
So, future is grim, but I have to push through, sadly. I am giving life one final chance - 2018 will be do or die (literally) - cos I've taken far too many Ls so far and I am just sick and tired. If I don't get my shit together by December 31st, it's game over.
Do you have any advice on how to proceed and make it through January? I am looking for some pill or whatever to sort of numb any emotional thoughts/feelings I have and to reduce the frequency of my nervous meltdowns and crying, while at the same time doesn't sap me completely. I need some energy to learn that stupid shit that is required for the exams.
Thank you.
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self.depression
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I can't. 12/3/17 [mm/dd/yy]
Who knew the truth would hurt? I searched for it, and I looked for it. I was left disappointed and scarred. The truth hurts, it hurts you without remorse. Truth isn't an abstract entity like I'm making it out to be, I apologize for speaking in such a metaphorical way like that. Anyway, to the point I was forced into this life, forced a name, forced a family whom I have yet to respect even after everything they have done for me. I see nothing when I look into my future. I don't see anything, no good and no bad. I don't think I want to go on after a set time, especially when I walk among Humanity. (who are nothing but stupidity and greed) Do you notice how everything I'm telling you is the truth? If you disagree you just simply don't see things the way I do. Perception is everything, the way you percieve EVERYTHING defines your entire mentality. It's shame how everything I thought I knew was a lie when I found the truth. Truth is also simply an alternate perspective, just like lies. But truth is a perspective that simply manifests into reality. It really isn't too different from our perspective.
I feel nearly nothing anymore, I don't want to do anything anymore. I see no meaning in doing anything, I wish I could look back into my life and tell myself to stop searching for the meaning to life. Why should I do that? Because he will find nothing, we become nothing. I feel as if I'm not in control, why do I have these two people in control of everything I do? So I don't get hurt? So I don't get into drugs? REALLY!? Drugs are the only thing that give me the false sense of happiness that I absolutely crave for.. I'm not an addict, I'm a weekend user. I am constantly thinking and daydreaming all throughout school to even find myself a meaning, but there is no result.
I fell in love with her. She meant everything to me. And now I hate her, but I love her. She manipulated me to do everything for her, I was under some false pretense that doing everything for her would somehow make her fall in love with me, but I was yet again wrong. I am wrong about many things in this life, but especially her. She gave me meaning, and now I hate her. Do I hate the meaning? No. She is a terrible person, just like my family and half of my friends, but the friends I am close with mean the most to me. Every person she knows she manipulates and breaks their heart. I was one of them. She played with me as if I was a puppet on strings, I was a puppet on strings.
I wish to be free, no longer a puppet on strings like these people make me out to be. I wish to be free so I can search for the meaning that I've forever been searching for. I stay up at night thinking nonstop, I wish people would leave me alone forever. I don't want to deal with people because they don't bring me anymore joy unless I'm doing some bullshit drugs with them.
My family cares, I get it. I have more given to me than most, but that all goes away. Furthermore why do they care? We all end up in the fucking ground anyhow. My Father just yells at me to get better, my Stepmother wants to get me in trouble every second of my life I wish they all saw it as I did, then they would let me free to find some sort of meaning. I keep talking about the meaning, because the more I talk about it, the more I put myself under a false pretense that I'm close to finding it. Nope, I'm not of course. Not in any way. I'm trying to hold on and I don't think I can keep going as I'm losing grip. God I hate most of my family, they're so.. Deluded it's nearly amusing to me, but I hate them all. I lock myself in my room unless I'm going out. I want no communication with people who are deluded with their bullshit fallacy of thinking working till they retire then rot and die has some sort of fucking meaning. Atleast my closer friends get what I mean with the no meaning to life truth, except they don't know that I'm depressed. But a
I'm great at computers, I'm great at Biology and Pharmacology. They gave me the joy of the Dopamine and Endorphin release that gave me the pleasure. The rush and swirl of emotions going on in my stomach made me feel great, but even that runs thin. I can't keep going on like this, I can't keep doing this. I love learning things from other peoples perspective, but it's not even enough to give me meaning.
People turn to religon to give themselves a meaning. And it works, but it's a false meaning. Belief isn't enough for a OBJECTIVE meaning. Religon is the most widely used drug, but it's one of the few drugs that doesn't work on me, because I know I'm at least smart enough to see through it. And I don't even think I'm that intelligent, I just see through bullshit. Just like others of this population.
The light that was in my soul and mind started fading because of my father's drug addiction. I called 911 on him twice for overdosing on Fentanyl, and he's on Methadone right now. But he mixes it with Xanax (miracle the bastard isn't dead) and he becomes a real asshole. Saying thing's like that I'm a little shit who isn't related to him, saying I deserved to be beat. I'm not even that skinny either, I could fuck him up if I was lucky. But there isn't any reason to, he wouldn't change. He will never change, he's an asshole to everybody he meets. He has no friends that even care about him, and his family hates being around him most of the time. I can't live with my biological mother either, she's an addict too and is my fucking Father's Dealer. She doesn't even have her own house.
That aformentioned light is now gone.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I'm smothering I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel like like I'm in the middle of a huge implosion. Everything feels likes it's crushing me. I hate feeling this way. I think about suicide on occasion but I don't know that I could ever do it. I just want to take an unlabored breath and feel happy without feeling bad about it or waiting for something horrible to happen to me because i almost relaxed. Kind of pathetic!! But that's me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bipolar girlfriend may have to go to jail for a few months, will apparently be taken off of some of her meds, looking for advice. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
No good getting a degree... From one side my girlfriend saying only fools get philosophy degrees. I have dropped out twice, ruined my record, and yet I come back to what was to be a central fact in my life. My family never had a say, they think I wouldn't be barely able to complete an education. And now my professors agree, with the hideous feedback I repeatedly get on my assignments. It's god-awful to not be validated in any way by something you had derived so much of your self-worth stock. But it's nil, I have no talent. I forget now why I tried this endeavour in the first place.
I need help. For some time now things stopped making sense. And with the country descending to shambles politically, there is no room for a philosophically inclined teacher anywhere.
Just be gone, me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My music is awful I’ve spent so much time and energy perfecting this craft and i still hate every song I make. How can it feel so much like I am improving, then I’m embarrassed to show others because I hate what I make so much. Why doesn’t it sound like the music I like. I feel like such a loser.
I want to do something in the music industry. I’ve been making music all my life. Started taking it seriously about a year and a half ago. I feel like a failure I’m only 20 years old.
Maybe I’m thinking about how I’m not good at anything. I always felt this connection to music but if people don’t like the dogs I make then what’s the fucking point. I’m pretty good at school but what happens when I get out of college? I don’t know how to begin looking for a career. For now I want to hold onto the possibility that my skills will reach a point to where I can mix and master other peoples songs for money. This is my dream and passion. If I give up on it I’ll hate myself , but trying seems impossible.
I just feel stupid all over my body.
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self.depression
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Sickness anxiexy and going to work I wanted to make this bit of a rant post somewhere where there's people that can understand/relate.
Now that I'm an adult with a professional job, I get so anxious whenever I'm sick. I never know if I'm "sick enough" to warrant calling out sick and I start to feel really anxious and guilty whenever I take a sick day thinking that I should be strong enough to push through or that people at my job might think I'm lying.
I finally called it and took off the first half of this week cause I had a minor fever and flu-like symptoms but now I'm back to find that a lot of people in my office had a stomach bug this week and suddenly I start feeling nauseous and it's just so hard to tell if I'm talking myself into being sick or not. And then the whole anxiety about possibly needing to take off work again starts to run through me and makes me feel even worse.
Anxiety makes it so hard to tell what's real and what's not. It's so frustrating.
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self.Anxiety
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What to do with no support group? When it comes to dealing with depression, one of the common things I'm told is to "talk" to someone I can trust. Here's my issue, I have no one.
I don't have any real life, friends. They all left me, the last one moved away about 10 years ago.
My folks have done nothing but stonewall me. They attack the "symptoms" I show, rather than trying to treat the cause. To them, I'm just lazy, or it's all in my head, and I can just snap out of it.
That's my issue taken simply. I have no support group, and I need help. I'm also jobless right now, and the problem is "jobs" don't cure depression for me. The last two jobs I had, actually seemed to make it worse, because I had my depression issues, combined with stress, and due to social anxiety I'm bad with people.
I know I need help. If there was a free therapist I'd get it. I'm just really stuck, and it feels like I have no way of moving on, and I'm really getting sick of people attacking me because of the symptoms that come with my depression, rather than actually trying to help me.
Please help?
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self.depression
|
Happy new years with love earth. We all run in circles. sleep, shower, eat, work, repeat. The vast majority of us aren't doing something we give a fuck about, and maybe your job just exists to be a job. But here it seems like everyone just laughs off the agony of a meaningless life and keeps grinding away. And its probably because thats the only way your bills are going to be paid at the end of the month. Then if you get a break from existing in this vacuity, you'll look down to your phone and realize that next year is going to be worse. The political landscape is a heaping dumpster fire, and its on a downward spiral of nobody gives a fuck. Oh and look, another famous person making a "difference" with their wealth, we better all pull out our credit cards and buy their new album/movie/bullshit to support their "efforts" for humanity. Anyway its new years eve and most of us sad sacks of meat have work. However, afterwords make sure to get fucked up so that you can forget a portion of the misery you just endured for 365 days. Congratulations another completely arbitrary period of time has passed! Lets all hope this cycle of suffering ends soon!
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self.offmychest
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Gotta love unsolicited advice “No meds it's artificial happiness. You got a look at the good. You have a loving husband whom you can be weird with and amazing kids . And your entire family loves you your healthy provided for. Things can always be worse but as long as you got a roof over your head [your husband] and the girls at your side. You are set. Dwelling on negative energy is bad for you .”
I received this “advice” regarding medicating my depression. Fortunately I’ve done my research and I know better, but I know so many can be hurt by this kind of thought process. I shut this crap down real quick.
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self.depression
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I was raped (?) and bullied because of it [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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This is an Amazing community I just wanna say that since I joined this sub a few weeks ago, I've noticed nothing but positive energy and support for one another. This sub is just so comforting to read through and be a part of. Keep being awesome, r/Bipolar
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self.bipolar
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Leg Fidgeting Does anyone else constantly rub their feet together or shake your legs while lying in bed? I feel like I’m going to combust if I stop moving them. Throughout the day I constantly tap and bounce my legs at work, too. My husband can’t stand it but I can’t help it!
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self.Anxiety
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Venlafaxine Who’s has success with it?
I started on Paxil, it worked great,
I quit because I felt better.
I tried citalopram to no success
Thinking about requesting an snri
I want to fix my social anxiety. I attend therapy every 3 weeks
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self.Anxiety
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Need a bipolar friend Edit: thanks for all the kind words and support guys
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self.bipolar
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Sometimes I worry I let my mental illness be my excuse? It feels easy to justify staying up late, not eating properly... Not going out or not doing xyz; because I'm unwell. It feels impossible to differentiate between me being unwell and me not using it as an excuse.
I feel like I know who I am when I'm well and I'm never awake at 5 am or failing a piece of work etc. But do I allow myself to trap myself longer by not trying harder? Letting it be an excuse? I've no way to tell really. I think I've been depressed so long now that I can't even remember what normal is. Or tell if my changes in character are related to being unwell or to me changing.
If anyone wants to chat at all I'd enjoy that.
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self.depression
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Very happy and looking forward to the future, for once :) I was with a bunch of friends on new years and i wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the party, let alone the coming of a whole new year filled with depression, anxiety, all the things that come with it etc. i started to get into my depressed mood at around 10pm on NYE but i decided i was gonna try to go into 2018 with no regrets.
As a little backstory in a junior in high school, it may sound a little silly but i’ve been in love with this girl (who also is my best friend, been indirectly friendzoned more times than i’d like to admit) since about freshman year. i finally built up the courage to tell her that i have feelings for her.
She told me that the feeling was mutual and it just made my entire night. i’ve had a smile on my face for 24 hours and i’m just so happy with life because of this. Just something i wanted to say because it’s all i’ve been thinking about.
I’m not going to sit here and say that “everything gets better in time” or anything like that for multiple reasons, but just know that something small can make your day :)
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self.depression
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Feeling stuck. I feel so alone. Like a failure. And like nothing I ever do will make me happy. I've failed out of college twice and work a job I hate. I'm trying again and I'm already in an academic free fall and I'm barely making enough money to pay bills. My friends have all moved far away and my surviving family doesn't like me. I'm not smart enough or charismatic enough to live a good life. I can't focus to get my work done or even do the things I love like playing video games or writing. (I think I have ADHD but my insurance won't pay for any mental health services anymore so who knows).
I'm stuck. I can't succeed at school or get a decent job, I'm stuck living with people who's love and respect I'm never going to earn. I'm stuck being alone because I have no idea how to talk to people. Every time I try to change something I just fall back into the same dumb routine.
The only things keeping me sort of stable is that my mother would throw my cat out into the wilderness without me because she hates him and despite how she treats me I need to take care of her.
I just don't know anymore.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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self.depression
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I will finally be at peace in the near future [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Man-child hopelessly in love I'm in love with Joss Fong; she's somewhat famous. I have never seen anyone who looks like her. She's equal parts beautiful and exotic. But, I have no chance with her. I'm a 40 something (I honestly stopped counting) never-dated-never-married man who can't even afford a plane ticket to where she lives. I guess I just need someone to talk to.
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self.offmychest
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I got bad anxiety when my mom asked if I wanted to start getting affection.
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self.Anxiety
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My ex is giving other people everything he denied me even after I broke down about it [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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meditation I've been struggling with depression linked to anger problems for a while. i've been doing guided meditations every day for 3 mins (i use the app headspace) and it has helped me a lot. try doing guided meditations every day for a few mins, see if it helps you. it definitely did a lot for me, when i'm alone before i go to sleep i do a guided meditation, and it takes away some of the pressure.
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self.depression
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Having a Hard Time Thinking, No Opinions, No Energy, and Laying In Bed All The Time Whenever I think I am finally getting over my depression I fall down even further. I thought I was doing amazing, I finally had friends, I was doing good in school, and I was just generally feeling "better".
Now I am having a hard time thinking in general. It's like my brain is just foggy and when I try to focus and think about something I get a general overall state of mind that can be summarized with "duuuhhhhhhhhh......". When people ask me my opinion on something I have a hard time formulating a response other than "I don't know." It's like my brain isn't even working any more.
I have no motivation to do much of anything. I feel disinterested in pretty much everything. I'm starting to think my major, that I'm more than half way done with, isn't something I actually enjoy. Even right now writing this post my mind is going blank. I tried to sit down and write a to do list, but ended up laying in my bed instead. This happens constantly. Like I don't want to deal with anything in life so I'll lay on my bed to "recharge" when really I'm just procrastinating life.
Recently I developed some sort of social anxiety out of no where. So now not only am I depressed but I'm also having a harder time functioning in social settings.
I'm just so fucking over this. I know I'm depressed. Not sure why I was blessed with this. I know my mind is fucked up. But I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to get rid of it. If I knew the solution I would drop everything I'm doing (which is nothing) and do whatever it took to overcome this. But, it feels like I'm just trying random ass stuff hoping something will stick, but nothing ever does.
How do I get better? That's all I want to know.
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self.depression
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Forgot to ask in my last post: how much can I drink on an SSRI? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Advice needed: Depressive episodes fixed with Lamictal; manic episodes are not. Is this a common experience? My psych did say Lamictal is not a strong anti-manic. I am worried by my current state, as I have received all the "warning signs" in terms of others expressing concern, intrusive and distressing visions, confusion between dreams and reality, a total loss of interest in eating and sleeping, paranoia, and thought fixations.
I could really really really do without having an episode about now or really in the next few months, I know timing is not something controllable, but I would really like some help coming down.
I plan to call my psych and arrange another appointment, but I'm not exactly sure what they could do to help.
Is this a case of adding in another medication? In which case anyone on a Lamictal combo that they get on with?
UK, NHS care if that's relevant.
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self.bipolar
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why shouldn't i kill myself tonight? i'm 18, i'm a senior in high school and my boyfriend committed suicide. i called 911 for him because he sent me a picture with a cord tied around his neck but they didn't get to him fast enough. he was in a coma for a week and his parents took him off of life support because he didn't have enough brain activity. his parents didn't allow me at the funeral and wouldn't tell me why. i was the last person to ever talk to him. my ex boyfriend who i dated a few years ago and have stayed friends with since then got a new girlfriend and since has shut me out. my friends are flakey, my one true friend lives an hour away at college and only visits a few times a year. i have literally no one to talk to. my parents care about me and love me a lot and that's the only thing keeping me here. i can't see how my life can ever change for the better. how am i ever going to meet new people and improve anything?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dunno... When ever they see those stupid videos about what could possibly be after death and how it's a comfort and it's something you shouldn't worry about. Whenever I see these videos it kinda make me feel better and make me feel as if my death will be a great thing and I will no longer feel like shit and ill be free. I would never commit but I would welcome death or any chance i have at it.
Im only 14 doing terrible in school no dad and a mum with no way of making my life or my brothers and sisters lives better because of Money. She never asks me how im feeling how my day was or anything about how I feel. So she probably has no idea how I feel.
Im in Year 10 with horrible grades I can allredy predict I have no future I'm gonna have no money, no girlfriend and no freinds just a Computer. I'm sorry if this is all jumbled up.
I have even opened up to 2 of my closest friends in school and they just thought I was fine straight after and when they kept checking on me constantly I started to just tell them I was fine so it would stop them worrying and allways wanting to talk about things. ATM they think I'm fine, overcame most things but in reality I'm the same as when I told them if not worse.
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self.depression
|
I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed. Where to begin?
I'm a university student. I'm a Resident Assistant for on-campus housing. As of last semester I'm a 4.0 student. I am an international student with a history of making international moves every 5 years or so my entire life (my parents' work). I love people, and people have always loved me. I come from a happy family and have never failed to make good, STRONG friends. I have always been labeled a leader and have always striven to serve others in that capacity.
Now to continue from here it gets a little embarrassing because I'm about to sound like your typical, cliched teenager/college student. But it's deeper than that. I'm telling you.
This semester was my first semester as an RA. I was excited to get to know the staff and our residents. As with all things in my life, I was determined to excel. In this capacity I have utterly failed my own expectations.
In terms of staff relationships. I failed to put in the necessary effort and dedication to build strong relationships with staff members, many of whom were potential life-long friends. People I bookmarked as people I could really trust. Now I am not someone they come to for help. I am not someone they come to confide in. I am not someone they come to chill with. I am not someone they come to have fun with. I am someone with issues. I am someone who is either unable or unwilling to be awesome company. They don't care. Why should they? This was my fault.
In terms of friendships. Somehow everything seems to have fallen apart. My old friends were hurt by the fact that I was unable to spend as much time with them as I used to, due to my RA job. They have taken it personally and now drift away. There is no hostility but simply a lack of warmth. I could have done better.
New friends I made managed to grow very close to me, but when put to the test the bonds proved to be not quite fireproof. The hot steel had not yet cooled and set firmly. I was cut away like a dead limb. I was asked to step away for their sake. Because of my weakness: my depression.
My grades have suffered. Nowhere near the mark I have put up for myself. If I could not excel in my social life, couldn't the least I could have done was apply myself to my studies? Yes, but I didn't. The 4.0 chaser last year is not here today. Ever hear stories of how people who get straight As commit suicide after getting a single B? People tend to think, "Come on, its just a single B. Why kill yourself over that?" Well they're missing the point. Said student didn't kill himself over the B he got. That student kill himself for the same reason he got the B. The suicide's root cause was not the B, but whatever caused the B. Correlation but not causation. My grades have suffered not because of difficult course work but because of a lack of motivation and a breakdown in discipline in my life. As I type my room might as well be a junkyard around me.
But hey this isn't the end of the world. I have friends all over the world. I have family and friends back home in Ireland, Korea, and Colorado. But doubt creeps into my mind, do I really though? Relationships lose their warmth with time and distance. I have a lot of time and distance between me and everyone else. Maybe these are relationships I can build up, but none of them are ready for the stress of my burdens. They are simply more relationships waiting to be ruined.
College isn't everything right? It is for what I want to do with my life. Or maybe it isn't? The future is unknown, yeah, but some security would be nice. Failure in education is another block added to the tower that weighs down on me. One semester's loss of 4.0 isn't a failure in education, but its another step I fall behind excellence. Excellence which I want so badly.
But I can still rally. I can still do my best. Regardless of how much I feel I've fallen behind I can pick myself up and work my way from where I am. Nothing else I can do.
But now the effortless skill and genuine interest I used to engage people with isn't there. The passion and excitement I used to apply myself to writing research papers with isn't there. And worst of all, the connections and relationships I need to regain these things aren't there. They are either absent or present in a place far away, if at all.
So in order to get the help of others I must help myself by creating bonds. But that drive isn't there.
Does anybody around me know? Sure people have noticed for sure that I'm struggling with something. But do they know what is actually happening? No. Do they want to deal with it? They say yes, but in reality no. I scare people. I am someone who can break them. People either know this and avoid it, or they don't know this and they will walk straight into a storm of hellfire.
I must protect others from myself. I must contain the damage. But then what is left for me? The bright future I strive for is further out of reach.
Suicide. Something I would never do. It's a cowardly thing to do. And so final. Even if life sucked why end the one life I have for what's next? I'll get to what's next anyways. Might as well milk every last drop out of life. Besides, my suicide would hurt to many people. It would cause too much damage. But how long will my strength last? How long before I no longer care, just like what happened with my love for people and drive for work?
So what do I do now? I have already failed. My failure is a catalyst for more failure. Help I need is out of reach, and reaching out will cause harm. It's not yet over but I have no drive to finish strong with what I have.
God. I wish I had a loving spouse who was one with me in spirit, mind and body. I wish I had friends who were brothers and sisters that would sacrifice unhesitatingly for each other, knowing each other, always SECURE. People who I never had to say goodbye to when I left, but would rather say goodbye with me when we left. I wish I had a job in pursuit of my calling, always striving for excellence, reaching higher in success and failure, running the good race. Something for me to experience and learn and excel in while leaving my mark on the world.
I don't want to trust other people. I want to be trusted by people. But trust is earned, so clearly I'm not good enough to earn trust.
I wish that I didn't have to dream my happiness.
I don't want consolation or to be understood. I want what I miss.
I lie. I want this to be upvoted to the front page so that my voice will be heard and my pain understood, and action be taken in notice of it.
But even then, what next? Just the same death spiral. The same fight. The same call to rise and grind.
If you read all the way to here, I hope your blessings are bigger than the unknown depths this post is about to be buried under, never to be seen again.
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self.depression
|
Back at it again with liking girls that like other people For some reason, I just can't seem to learn. My friend recently brought one of his friends from his school into our social group, and she's pretty cool. I've also learned that we share a lot of similarities. Like, a stupid amount. She's also told me a lot of stuff that she hasn't told the friend that brought her into the group. When she first started playing with the rest of us, I was a little curious and kinda figuring that she likes my friend, because of the way she was talking with him and interacting, and I asked her if she does, and I don't even know why at this point. I mean, I always crush on girls that talk to me way to quickly, and this time is no different sadly. I currently have no intentions of chasing, but it's just slightly annoying that I keep just thinking about asking her to do things, and I'm just jealous of my friend now. If anyone saw my last post on here, these aren't the same friends from the first story. I don't know if I want any advice, I just want to talk about this publicly. Honestly, if any people from my discord see this, just don't tell anyone. That's all I ask.
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self.offmychest
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Playing FPS games is giving me anxiety I’m too ashamed to say this to my friends because they will laugh at me. There are times that i get scared of playing first person shooter games. The genre of the game doesn’t have to be a horror game, just your standard faction vs faction shooting game. Games like Call of Duty, Battlefield, CSGO, and PUBG (will get into that later), etc. are some of the games I try avoiding but end up still playing them. Whenever I play fps games, I get really anxious even though there’s nothing to be worried about since it’s just a game. I don’t like the way the adrenaline rush starts kicking in. There are certain physical activities for me which I like giving me the rush but in these games, it’s different. There’s a weight on my chest that I can’t get out of.
And then there’s PUBG (playerunknown’s battlegrounds for short) and for those who don’t know what PUBG is, it’s like a 1 vs 100 where everyone you see there is an enemy. Do your research if you don’t know PUBG. So I was in one match where only we’re the last 2 remaining players and something weird happened. My fingertips started to become tingly/numb, vision starts becoming a bit blurry and kind lightheaded as well. This game is really giving me anxiety but I can’t just quit playing it since there are fun moments.
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self.Anxiety
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So i think it was camus who said that the meaning of life is whatever preventing you from killing yourself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just my thought process I know it may not seem to fit but i just reconnected with that one ex that everyone who has been in the dating scene, the one you try your hardest to stay away from, and among many things, my biggest reason for being depressed i think is becuase i convinced myself i will die alone. Just seeing couples out in public, and all my friends, just reminds me every day of somthing i figure i will never have. And as the bottle of Jack clouded my judgement, and i reconnected with this girl and ended the convo with "i will talk to you tomorrow" this is the path my mind took as i started to really think long and hard about what i am doing She huants my dreams.
She is the devil, reincarnated as a 5'4 blonde
She lures me into a reality that once was,
A reality that is filled with lust and feelings years old, once repressed they are now again dragged to the surface, festering like an open wound.
I fear i might fall to these temptations, and be devoured once again by the lies and the crazy.
And if i do tread the same path i once did, a path i once knew and loved, it WILL be the death of me when the facade shatters and is replaced by feelings of malice and hate, gone again the hope i might not die alone. Sorry if it dosnt fit the criteria but i had to get it off my chest and i have to say now im feeling more depressed than i have all year.
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self.depression
|
No faith in myself! Hi all. I'm 30 and a now a mother to twins. Depression has been part of my life since I satrted developing eating disorders at age 12. My grandfather killed himself when I was 17. Three family members that I know of had shock treatment for depression.
I feel like an absolute failure. I quit school, got into uni but completely crashed and dropped out and I've attempted half a dozen other courses, all of which I've failed to complete. I've had a few jobs, all of which I quit. I'm an ex-bankrupt because I made such foolish, impulsive choices during manic phases in the past. I now live with my parents which can be pretty soul destroying, especially with a severely depressed mother.
I desperately want to make something of myself and feel like there is a part of me that's capable. The thought of living forever poverty-stricken, on welfare, struggling to provide for my kids, with no qualifications and no hope is so devastating. How on earth can I overcome my paralysing fear of failure? I also start to consider what I might be able to study and inevitably convince myself I'll just be miserable in any job and get completely disheartened.
This is such a deep hole that I've dug for myself but I know there are countless people out there who've overcome far greater odds to achieve incredible things, or at least been able to live a fullfilling life. I'm stuck and am so scared that things will never improve. I know I'm not alone but I feel so very alone, as I watch all my old friends living amazing lives, with fantastic careers and here I am just constantly berating myself for being such a total f*#@&-up and a burden.
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self.depression
|
Earnhardt Jr retiring from NASCAR makes me sad for a personal reason. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I don't feel like I deserve anything I always hear voices in my head that tell me i'm useless, when I want something, I always think "Do I deserve this?", sometimes I lose my appetite and just refuse to eat. I really want to talk to my friends about it, but seeing how I'm never a priority in their life, I don't feel like i'm important, or needed, or wanted. I don't like feeling this way, but I just do, and I hate myself so much for being like this.
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self.depression
|
Stressed about school Hi Everyone. This is my first time posting here, so I hope I'm in the right place. I'm a 9th grader, and I'm coming on to the last day of my holiday break. Right now I'm struggling with a History report and a Math report (as well as an English assignment, but I can deal with this). They were assigned to me a few days before the break. During the week before the break, I had to deal with a group project in which I was the only one participating. Without going too much into detail, it took a lot out of me and I lost a lot of sleep. I was really looking forward to relaxing during the break, until I got assigned these projects. Anyways, I got home last Friday and I didn't even touch my backpack. I convinced myself that I needed at least a day or so to myself. However, I got ahead of myself. I was planning on beginning my work the day after Christmas, but I didn't. I'm not even sure why, I never procrastinate and I'm always on top of my assignments. I just felt lazy and sleepy, and I didn't even want to think about working (all the while the thought was gnawing at me, and my stomach and chest have been killing me and I'm shaking). I started working on the History project a day ago, and I'm about halfway through with it. I'm going to work throughout the week on the Math project if I don't finish with the History project, as neither are due the day I go back to school. I've been asking my parents for some moral support, but they've been too busy to hang out with me for even 10 minutes (which I don't blame them for, they HAVE been busy). And all I want to do is just sleep. I guess right now I just needed to get this off of my chest, and maybe if anyone has some useful anxiety or school related tips those could be helpful too. Thanks so much for reading this, and Happy New Year.
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self.Anxiety
|
#mixedepisodeproblems I want to go out and get laid but I have fresh self harm cuts on my thigh
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self.bipolar
|
Can I tell you what bothers me about my OCD? I’m using a throwaway to maintain my privacy but I just need to get this out of my head even to a bunch of strangers. I have OCD, not the stereotypical kind, I don’t hand wash, count or tap. My compulsions are mental rituals - silent neutralisers, repetitions, prayers and apologises. I get intrusive thoughts and my obsessions surround order, remembering, perfection and things feeling right.
I mention this because I just don’t understand it. Well, I understand my anxiety; I could write a book on OCD. What I don’t understand is the situation. I had a difficult childhood and sometimes I wonder if I developed OCD because of this or whether my childhood was difficult because of the OCD.
I was often belted excessively and locked in closets. I have memories of doing the mental rituals back then in response to the situations in hopes I wouldn’t get into trouble. I know it doesn’t change anything either way but it just torments me.
I sometimes feel guilty about it. Did I cause my parents to treat me like that? Some of my foster parents beat me too because I was challenging. I know all of this is irrational, given I was a child, but I just can’t help thinking it was my fault because of the OCD.
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self.offmychest
|
Sometimes I feel irritated when walking at beaches Because on beaches girls expose themselves you can always see their boobs and butts, sometimes this really turns me on.
I am really trying to enjoy the beach views but I just cannot get away with it, sometimes I got boners and that's really embarrassing, and then I have to leave before it becomes uglier.
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self.offmychest
|
Peace out motherfuckers Gonna do it tonight. Thanks to ppl here I've decided not to call my ex clinician and try to make her feel guilty before I go but I am still gonna send that letter to the group home + another for her. Thank you guys for your help and for trying it's not your fault I was a lost cause see you in the afterlife I hope you guys find happiness even though I couldn't. ✌🏼
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Strikes anywhere anytime At least for me, a depression and a feeling in my chest can seemingly come out of absolutely nowhere.
I was just sitting and watching a video when all of a sudden a tidal wave hit me in the chest and left arm, making me anxious and forcing me to calm myself down and regain perspective.
It's ridiculous!
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self.depression
|
Lately the only thing making me feel valuable and meaningful is coming to this subreddit to help others like me. I hope everyone in this sub can turn their emotions and lives around for the best. Everyone should be seeing a therapist because it can save your life, legitimately and literally. Depression is severe. I wish I had access to healthcare, I wouldn't feeling like my days are numbered so much.
As an Agnostic, if there's a God(s) or Goddess(es) out there I hope they can bless everyone with the eternal happiness we so desperately seek.
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self.depression
|
A goodbye letter, and a hope to find closure. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I don’t think I belong here. I really don’t know what to do. I’m under constant stress and I can’t seem to find any motivation to do anything. I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep.
My life isn’t that bad. I’ve never been abused or raped or anything traumatic like many of the other people who have suffered depression. It’s only been a few years since this has started but it has worsened recently. I tried committing suicide in early August and have been thinking about doing it again ever since.
The only person I’ve talked to about this doesn’t think I’m depressed. I’m not sure if I agree with them but normal people don’t commit suicide. But then again maybe they’re right. As I’ve said I haven’t had any traumatic experience and my current situation, while utterly unsatisfying and stressful, isn’t the horrific nightmare other people experience. I shouldn’t be unable to motivate myself to do basic things such as getting dressed or brushing my teeth. I shouldn’t be sleeping sometimes 12 hours at a time only to want to go back to bed immediately. This has been going on for so long and I have no idea what to do. I can’t talk to anyone because they’re dealing with their own shitloads of issues and the shitloads of issues that their closer friends are dealing with.
Edit: I suppose I didn’t have the greatest of childhoods considering my parents would fight weekly but it was never physical.
I shouldn’t be thinking about doing it again. Why do I think about killing myself so much? Am I that weak that even in the most mundane of scenarios I default to killing myself?
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self.depression
|
Being With People Is Hard I always feel so emotionally exhausted after being with people. I understand that it's part of depression and all that .. but knowing that never makes me feel better about it. I've come to the point where it's this constant fight of me trying to decide whether it's worth it to be around my friends and family. I often feel like I'd rather just be alone than have to face this feeling ...
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self.depression
|
failing in college you know that feeling of failing over and over and over , im experiencing it right now, i'm in my 9th year of college ! i couldn't even imagine reaching this number of years in college , i almost got kicked out twice , i was 17 when i entered and now im almost 26 i feel that i've wasted a lot of my life, my youth years .. i knew it was a wrong major but i was too stubborn to change it ..what about my social life ?nothing! how could you even build relationships with such depressed mood all the time, i never socialize , im lonely all the time unless its a group project or something ,studying in a different country away from my (very few) friends, my family and anyone who i could share my feelings with , the feeling of failure , the feeling of guilt that my parents are still paying for my classes, i'm thankful that they are supportive and want the best for me , but i feel so guilty ,i also suffered from social anxiety and anxiety in general for years , i was a top student at school but then college happened i don't understand why , i thought i was good enough .. but i failed a lot .. this was supposed to be my final semester but i failed a course yet again and im about to tell my parents and disappoint them once more ! i know my words are all over the place but i just wanted somewhere to project my feelings..i'm tearing up now .. i keep telling myself my problems are nothing compared to a lot of people .. i hope the next semester will be the last one and this nightmare ends ,,
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self.offmychest
|
One day , I will make myself proud again That day, I will feel genuine emotions, make real connections, and be proud of myself. I have been struggling, going through hell, but a tiny ray of hope is what's holding me back from taking my own life. I know I can.
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self.offmychest
|
Is there something that could chill me out without putting me to sleep? I take klonopin .5mg. Well, I break them in half and take it for emergencies and I still pass out!! I never knew anyone could be so hypersensitive. I want to take something during the day that won't make me sleepy.
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self.Anxiety
|
How would you react to my broken self? I don’t want to discuss my personality with anyone irl.
I still want to know what people would think. I have a deep hatred of life and society. I am also apathetic and sadistic. As a result, I am suicidal. It seems to be the best option.
It’s not like therapy or medication would fix my broken mind.
What would you think or say if I said this irl?
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self.depression
|
Advice for PTSD without medication I'm really not about taking medications as they seem to do more harm long term and don't help. Any advice on how to deal with GAD, PTSD and panic disorder without them would be appreciated. Has anyone had some success?
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self.Anxiety
|
psychiatrist's won't diagnose me, i feel emotionally numb and feel i have nothing to live for. i hate this fucking feeling. i'm not happy, sad, angry, in fact i am calm just calm and respectful of my environment but i feel so ''numb'' and disconnected. ever since i got attached to some dumb bitch online and discarded her i have felt empty. i have lost my personality and don't know what my views are on things etc, it's almost like i suffered ego death in the past few days. i know i have Borderline Personality Disorder but psychs fail to see it.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety I've had really bad anxiety about my health for a couple of months now. I keep checking my pulse constantly. I've checked it like 20 times today. I can't sleep on my left side anymore because my heart starts racing. I am only 14 and have taken EKG twice and both times they we're just normal. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired. I can't sleep because I think I'm going to die. My parents have suggested me to go talk to someone. I just feel like my problems are too stupid to talk about and aren't important.
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self.Anxiety
|
What am I supposed to do? I am "depressed"? I don't know. I think my feelings are perfectly natural given my situation.
I won't get into the sordid details, but because of the way I grew up...the abuse, the gaslighting, the narcissistic manipulation...I am damaged. Permanently. As in, I will never get better. I am a product of my shitty environment whilst growing up. My brain is permanently rewired into dysfunction.
So, what am I supposed to do? Take pills to force me into acceptance of my hopeless situation? Go see some therapist who will do nothing but try to force me to adjust to the current corporate neofeudalist capitalistic order? I can't hold a normal job. I'm a trucker (for now until they automate) and it's one of the few jobs where I can make a decent amount of money and where my dysfunction is tolerated. But I don't want this to be my life. I want to do other things but I cant because I don't it into "normal" society. So what am I supposed to do?
Why can't I get euthanized? Why does this country insist on making people like me suffer? There is no getting better. There is no "acceptance" of people like me. Am I supposed to die homeless in a gutter? Is that the only way?
What am I supposed to do? I don't know. But I want to be free. Life is meaningless. There is only truth in death.
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self.depression
|
I am going to my first ever interview tomorrow...and I feel like breaking down. I was not prepared to actually hear from any of the companies I sent my CV to. I just graduated and have NO work experience but I started sending out CVs to make myself feel like I'm doing something and actually trying. One of them called me yesterday and tomorrow I have a group interview.
I'm freaking out right now because I have not had the time to polish on subjects they want, I also have no idea on how to present myself confidently or answer typical interview questions. I keep reminding myself of my dreams, of all the hard work I did to graduate from engineering school, but my anxiety is just bringing me to tears please help me...
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self.Anxiety
|
I want to end it tonight but don't have the means [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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If the only thing to fear is fear itself, but I fear myself, what do I do? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I think my "member" is fucked up (NSFW) before I start, I should say I'm a 20-year-old virgin.
It's not like it's small or anything, it's a 6 incher, but it's... kinda hard to explain. I guess I could say rotated?
In porn, it's common to see a curved dick such as mine, but mostly they're curved *upward*. Mine's curved to the *right*. My urethra is on the left side, as well as my banjo string.
I can easily bend it up, but when it rests it curves hard right. It works fine and all, but I guess I'm afraid the first girl I'm "with" might think it's weird. I even tried losing weight to see if it would fix somehow, but to no avail.
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self.offmychest
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How to keep friends? how do i show them my weird side? how do ppl do it? i'm awkward as hell whenever someone wants to be friends with me and idk how to act without offending/weird-ing them out.
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self.Anxiety
|
Coworkers (and managers) are bringing Nerf Guns to work and it's about to give me a nervous breakdown. I work in, you guessed it. A tech company.
We have a manager I can't stand who thinks he's the coolest guy ever and all our best friend. Think Michael Scott but not even remotely funny. There's Nerf battles almost every day and I'm getting sick of getting my desk shot when my attention is focused in on something as detail oriented as writing code. Yesterday I complained to HR, they seemed to take me serious and say they'll have a formal meeting with the managers. But today I almost lost it, I couldn't take it anymore pulled of my headphones threw them at my desk and took my laptop to work in the kitchen and take my Clorazepate.
Has anyone with anxiety issues had to deal with this? The visual and auditory stimulation makes me just constantly in fight or flight mode and I feel like I can hardly work sometimes.
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self.Anxiety
|
My Final Letter... I feel like I need to share this anonymously before I share it with my friends. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Seroquel nausea? Psychiatrist upped me from 50 to 100. Last night was my first night on 100. Could it start making me nauseous this long after? I took it 19 hours ago about. I feel like I’m going to puke and I have a headache, so I’m hanging out in the bathroom. Nausea is worse when I stand.
Is this normal and will this go away? Could I just be getting sick? I’m also on 200 lamictal. I have classes tomorrow and I don’t feel like skipping class or being there half sick.
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self.bipolar
|
Should I ask my psychiatrist for xanax? My prozac has in general helped with my depression, but I still get really bad episodes of anxiety where a whole bunch of negative thoughts just come crashing down on me. I read that xanax is prescribed for anxiety. Should I ask for it?
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self.depression
|
Has anyone hit a wall with their medication? Like I was doing pretty well. Not perfect , but a lot better.
Then out of no where I got hit with a wall. It just smacked me. I can't do anything but lay in bed. I have no idea where this came from.
Has anyone else experienced this? I don't see my doctor for another month or so but I may have to make an appointment because this is getting bad.
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self.depression
|
I can't take it anymore. I recently got the cops called on my because I made the suicide hotline operator was concerned so they called the police and got me sent to a hospital. They gave me new medication and sent me off afterwards. I haven't felt any better a month later. No matter how much I talk to someone or how much medication I take I fail and feel suicidal and depressed. All I try to do is text the 741-741 crisis line 3 or more times a week and I fail to at least try to feel better in anyway. I all ways feel this sinking feeling in my chest and despair and anxiousness I just want it to stop. I just wish I had someone real to talk to comfortably. And hear their voice and feel loved and feel like I Matter. I chose to talk here because I don't have the courage to talk to the suicide hotline and talk to them. I always feel too embarrassed or anxious to talk to real people about these issues. I just feel like if I'm dead everything is fucking over and I don't need to deal with anything anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I can’t sleep. I know that if I go to sleep, I will have to try to find some bullshit reason to get up in the morning.
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self.depression
|
Cannot function ever. So, let me start off. I have been battling with severe anxiety for 3 years now. I am to the point that I cannot get out of bed and I cannot get these thoughts out of my mind. My thoughts are generally irrational and my mind starts to convince itself that they are real and I start to believe it. I am continuously suffering. In the mornings I am always thinking about suicide and look at the window in my condo( I am not looking for sympathy here just want to get it off my chest). I am in college and I am miserable I love school but I cannot even make it to class. Every little mistake sticks in my mind and I cannot let go of the past. Honestly I do not know why I am posting this maybe I am just looking for help. I feel like I am losing a battle that I was never winning and when the anxiety episodes come they come very strong and fast. I feel like I am a fragment of a person, and I also feel like I am a failure. I have had to take some class online because I was to weak mentally to go to class because of the horrible thoughts. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 25th of January which I believe in a Thursday but I doubt that will even help. Is there a cure for this suffering? Does medication help? If the answer is no to these my only answer that I feel is logical is not to live anymore. I do not want to be like this because I cannot actually live and enjoy live. I just sit in my bed and suffer everyday. I go to therapy, and he says the same damn thing "mindfulness", I get the concept of this damn practice. He says "confront you thoughts, and tell them you are in charge". This is so much easier said then freaking done! I cannot confront them even if I try and nothing works. Maybe I do not deserve to live, and or I am being punished but this is taking everything out of me.
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self.Anxiety
|
suicidal + bipolar 1 + college freshman + procrastinating on 2 assignments due today/yesterday My head hurts so much but I had to get up after 4 hours of sleep to finish my assignments because I'm an engineering major with too many expectations around me. I can't write too coherently right now but I want to die. I'm not taking meds, I'm not going to therapy because ubering in this city is too expensive, and I've pretty much used up the short-term therapy this campus provides. I know that summer will be better because I will be able to sleep, but I don't know how the hell I'm going to survive 3 more years, plus actual job-finding/job-doing, while I'm such a self-destructive person.
A girl on my campus killed herself recently. That made me really sad but it still sounds tempting to follow.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
hello from russia. I've got nobody to talk to, so thought I'd write here about my life. Perhaps by the end of the post I'll feel better.
Okay, my name is Yan. I was born in Siberia, my parents divorced when i was 2 (found out that i wasn't exactly planned and they married cause the mother got pregnant). My father is (well was, he's sober now i guess) an alcoholic, a local rock star a philosophy professor. Mother is a housewife now. Anyway, i lived with my grandmother and my aunt after the divorce, still in Siberia. Suddenly mother came back to take me to Latvia, where she met a great man who was willing to accept me. Ofc i agreed, i was like 5 and missed her. So I moved there. Everything was alright. I wanted brothers, got two of them. I really love them, always have. But idk at 17 i started drinking a bit, then cutting myself etc. Psychologists told me that it's for many reasons: overprotective mother who stopped talking to me pretty soon, the fact that i was sexually abused in a summer camp like 7 times when i was 6, the fact that first nobody believed me when i started mentioning it at the age of 11, the fact that my biological father from Siberia was as it turned out diagnosed with schizophrenia or something and spent a lot of time in an asylum. So they put me in the asylum, that's where i celebrated 2015's new years eve. Wasn't fun, i was the youngest person in a soviet ward full of alcoholics, drug addicts, guys with their guts out etc. It was okay though, didn't take a shower for 3 weeks i spent there - cause one guy promised to rape me if i go there. The choice was obvious.
Anyway i got back from the asylum with a diagnosis of "schizoaffective disorder" whatever that is. Drank pills etc, still felt awful so i drank (i always drank alone idk why) so on the 18th of april 2015 mother felt beer on my breath and told me to contact my father in siberia. Nobody wanted to tolerate me any longer (alcoholic!!!!) so she sent me to the person i knew to be the worst person ever (from my mother's constant stories). I didn't mind, couldn't be worse and since i was sure everybody straight up wanted me dead i felt relieved.
So i moved back to Tyumen after 12 years of absence. Don't remember my father. Moved to his place. He remarried a couple of times, the newest wife was 10 years older than me. I neither drank nor selfharmed but they still wanted me out soon so i moved to the dormatory. Didn't care, I was happy cause I fell in love. Was really good. For the first year. Then her parents bought her an apartment so I started sleeping over at hers. We had a lot of stuff together, pregnancy scares, her cat got sick and I did everything to help him, we used to talk, used to feel great. Now i don't feel great. She keeps stalking other men while I study, work at two jobs, sometimes attend the third job and purchase everything she needs. It would be okay if not for the fucknig stalking. If she wants me out - she could just tell me I don't want to be the one breaking up, i don't like feeling obliged to leave my beloved ones. anyway she doesn't love me anymore, but won't confess, cause she lives so very comfortably. i've no friends (she was very jealous when we started dating, cause i was a musician then), i've nothing, i'm nothing. my brothers are far away, my stepgrandfather is far away, i'm alone and i've lost the ability to socialize because that's what my gf asked me to do. i feel as if i were cheating on her if i even consider talking to a real person or a real internet account. no, that's not gonna do it.
i'm turning 22 in 4 days. i can't kill myself and i hate it. i'm scared and i possibly feel sorry for the dorm cleaner (that's where i live) and for my family of course. they will grieve if i die obviously. i can't do anything. i can't drink - it doens't help anymore, i can't selfharm - taught myself out of it. i just work, study, give and feel awful every second.
it's not going to get better because it's my personal problem. oh btw i got off meds as soon as i moved to TYumen and tricked everyone into thinking i cured. didn't want my family to pay for that now that i'm a person they exiled. i don't regret it. family feels better, i felt better, i wouldn't feel any better now even on meds. perhaps worse.
anyway idk this got very confusing, nobody will read this to the end probably and that's good cause i didn't use ponctuation. anyway, idk. i wish i'd never been born cause i can't off myself, can't even try, cause i've got nothing to prove or show. nobody actually cares no matter how hard i fucking cut, i know that. so why bother. and i'm not yet dumb enough to die.
i'm also afraid of war and for my brothers, my mother started seeing the same "psychic shit" in my stepbrother. but with me she blamed my father for that, now she's got noone to blame. bro has a different father. fuck.
i'm also not gay even though my first sex was with a dude when i was 6. what are the odds! i really don't like anybody.
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self.depression
|
For those in college, how are you holding up and how are you getting through it? College seems near impossible for me in my first semester. I’m withdrawing from two classes as I’m at the risk of failing, and I realize now that I can’t take the recommended amount of units per quarter without falling apart and falling behind. Social life and romantic life is also nonexistent. All my medications aren’t working. I’ve been trying to get help on campus for suicidal thoughts.
But for others in college with bipolar, how are you holding up, and how are you managing to get through it? How do you manage to get something done everyday, and how do you manage to take care of yourself?
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self.bipolar
|
Dying of embarrassment. Cannot tell a soul. So here it is. Went out to the bars with some of my friends. Ran into one of my coworkers there. He and I chatted about superficial stuff, a little work, a little sports. Kept it nice and professional, though I kept looking over at him every once in awhile. I wanted to know if he was into me.
Needless to say, a few hours and drinks later, my friends have left (they knew him too, so I guess that's why they thought it was ok to leave me by myself) and its closing time. He offers to give me a ride in his cab back to my place since its "on the way" to his.
Well, it wasn't. And we end up at his place. Still just talking super platonically on the couch while we sip water. We fall asleep on the couch for like twenty minutes. When he wakes up, he kisses me. I think to myself "YESSSS, you're into me... I KNEW IT"
We go into the bedroom and HOLY SHIT that was great. We cuddle and its great.
The next morning, I wake up and realize I've made a.... feminine mess... in his bed. I'm so embarrassed I just throw the blanket over it and he drives me home.
I'd go and sleep with him again, but now I've bled all over the goddamn place and I have to see him at work tomorrow. (He didn't come in today, so I have a bit of a reprieve)
I'm cringing so so so hard, I hope writing this makes me feel better
|
self.offmychest
|
My [15f] mother [45f] said that she doesn't count certain things as rape, even when they are... I love my mum. She's great and really kind, however, she can have a...more judgemental view on the world (such as young teens being 'unable' to know whether or not they're bisexual and saying that they're faking for attention, etc. etc.) and I've always dealt with it.
However, a few days ago, we were at my grandparents, and somehow the conversation turned to sexual assault and the celeb allegations.
It was all fine, until my mum said "I don't consider it rape if you invite someone in and they have sex with you, even if you don't consent."
...what????
I was totally shocked. Worse, my grandma started nodding and saying "Yeah, I agree."
I was floored. I said "Well, you don't consent. That's the very definition of rape."
My mum's response was to say "Well, I only see rape as something along the lines of someone grabbing you from an alleyway and having their way with you."
She doesn't even count it as rape if you're sleeping and someone has their way with you.
She said "I'm a nurse, and to perform operations we have to get consent. One way of doing this is to be invited in; if you're invited into someone's house, they may not have explicitly given you consent, but it was implied when you were allowed in. It's the same with rape; if you invite someone in after a date, the implication is that you want to have sex with them."
I'm only young, so I don't have the best grasp of the law, but....what the hell??? I mean, it's more complicated than that, right? Don't misunderstand the purpose of this post. I don't want to confront my mum, but I just wanted to know...does anyone agree with her? I mean, I don't, and I wonder HOW she can think that! Anyone with me?
*TL;DR: My mum doesn't count it as rape if you invite someone in after a date and they have sex with you without consent...even though 'sex without consent' is the DEFINITION of rape.*
|
self.offmychest
|
Lithium and alcohol I know you aren't supposed to drink on any psych meds but especially lithium due to how it's metabolized. I haven't been able to get a follow up appointment with my doctor yet to ask, but are any of y'all completely sober? Or can I have like one drink here and there?
|
self.bipolar
|
I need some love I know it wont happen but I wish I could have a girlfriend who would be ok to hug when I needed.
I mean, I don't have girlfriend in first place…
|
self.depression
|
Not "Depressed" but feel a sense of detachment/ I really don't care about anything anymore. So I would like to say when it started but my memory is of no use, since I only remember a few things, it is not short term memory though (it's not that bad), apparently it has do with my brain only remembering thing it thinks important. Any way, I am not depressed but many of you guys have similar problems based on some posts I have seen. Here is my reasoning behind this feeling, most people I know or have met when I was smaller said I was really charismatic, outgoing, etc but that I changed all of a sudden what I can guess was when I was around 6-7 based in the few memories I have. I became serious with out any sign of change and now I don't care about anything, but mean absolutely anything it is what can only be described as "detached". It could have been from suppression of who I am since that age because of people having expectations for me resulting in me not developing any real hobbies/interests and knowing how to express my likes/dislikes or due to some other events that led me to suppress myself. Anyway that's my guess but I still don't know why I don't care anymore and how to move forward.
|
self.depression
|
Death is all I can see in my future I'm 32, anxious and paranoid around people, I don't know affection, and I'm at a point in my life where I'm just tired of everything. Most people around this time are starting families or exploring the world. All I need is to feel, but I can't even do that. I keep hurting myself but to no end. I want it to end but I wish something would just happen. I thought about putting on some nice clothes and walking down to the store in hopes of getting mugged. I would fight back and get shot. Or something. I don't know. I just constantly feel like the animal at the shelter that gets passed up and is put down because no one wants it. That's my future. I'm tired of waiting to just be put down.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Coming down from a manic episode usually leaves me with a lot of anxiety and self-loathing thoughts. Any tips on how to get through it?
|
self.bipolar
|
Psychologist referred me out I go to a large university and have been using their services for my entire time here. I got referred out last semester to do DBT after a suicide attempt and quit it this spring. I decided to go back and see the psychologist that I had been seeing before but they refuse to see me anymore and are referring me out to the community. Tomorrow is my last session with them.
I am fucking terrified. And I feel hurt and rejected - I'm taking this so personally even though I shouldn't. I mean, they even said that it's because they can't see me often enough for what they perceive I need, but I feel like I fucked up. Like, I'm not getting better enough for them, or I'm just broken, or they don't like me, so they're discarding me. I feel incredibly guilty. I shouldn't even be feeling this way which is just making me feel worse. I'm using my DBT/CBT skills here but it'd be nice to have someone talk me through this and tell me it'll be okay.
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to share something that has helped me a little. So I posted this on facebook to share with the handful of friends I know that are also suffering from mental illness. Unfortunately it was met with a wave of "GET HELP" messages that were not warranted or asked for.
So I'm going to share it here with you folks and hope that it helps at least one person.
_____________________________________________________
I want to share something with all of my friends that are suffering from depression, anxiety or other mental illness. It's something I've been trying to do since I moved and I'm making it my official new years resolution. I won't promise it will work for you. We're all different, but it has helped me.
Every day pick one productive thing to get done. Just ONE. Even if it's something insignificant. Especially on the days you just want to stay in bed and wish for death and you can't find any motivation to do anything else.
Even something as simple as washing your hair. Wash that one pan you've been letting 'soak' in the sink for the last three days. Do one load of laundry and actually fold it and put it away. Sweep your kitchen floor. Vacuum your living room. Wipe your kitchen counters. Just one thing, even if it only takes 5 minutes.
Sometimes you may even find that overcoming that initial inertia gives you enough energy and motivation to do more. Maybe you clean the whole kitchen instead of just doing that one dish. But don't worry if it doesn't. As long as you do the one thing.
Just doing one productive thing each day can make you hate yourself a little less and feel a little less worthless. And maybe when you come home from work and walk into a slightly cleaner kitchen you'll have a little feeling of satisfaction that is often elusive to those of us suffering with mental illness.
It's not a cure or anything. It might not even work for you. I don't know. I just wanted to share something that has helped me a little. Maybe it can help you too.
_____________________________________________________
That's what I posted on facebook but I want to lay down some rules for this exercise.
1. **Don't** make a 'to do' list. Writing down everything you need / want to get done and having a big list to look at can be incredibly overwhelming and may cause you to recede further into your illness and retreat. We don't want that. Pick the one thing you want to get done either the night before or that morning and just do it.
2. Your basic responsibilities such as going to work and feeding your children / pets does not count. Most of us have already learned to go through the motions of doing these things without reaching out of our comfort zone. Pick something you would normally procrastinate on or not do at all.
3. Do it every day no matter what. No matter how shitty you feel or how badly you want to stay in bed. Staying in bed and doing nothing only feeds into our sense of worthlessness and self hatred. Get your ass up and at least do the one thing, even if you go right back to bed afterwards. If you are having an extraordinarily bad day pick the easiest thing you can possibly think of to get done and do it. Even if it only takes 30 seconds.
4. Allow yourself forgiveness if you don't complete your task to the extent that you originally wanted to. Beating yourself up is counter productive to the point of the exercise. Quoted from one of our members that suggested this rule.
>I've been doing this and it does help. I am also more forgiving of myself. If I did have something I wanted to do, but didn't get it done I tell myself: it's okay, at least you got x,y,z done, and next time you should try to do x,y,z better. Really really really helps.
_____________________________________________________
Please feel free to share / discuss any other rules for this exercise that should be added.
And of course PLEASE share with us how / if it's working for you. Tell us the things you accomplished today and in the future.
For me today I cleaned my critter cages and took one of them that is no longer in use out to my garage and vacuumed the room I keep them in.
___________________________________________________
TL:DR (though I urge you to read at least the basic rules of the exercise) Do one productive thing a day no matter what. It might help you feel a little less worthless and demotivated.
|
self.depression
|
Finally decided to go on meds, my experience so far After 10+ years of increasingly worse health anxiety, as well as pretty serious social anxiety, I finally made an appointment to see my GP about medication. I tried seeing a psychologist for a while, and read a few books he recommended on CBT, but it just wasn't doing enough for me. For a long time, I've been very fearful of going on medication as I didn't want to experience negative side effects, or have it turn me into a completely different person. But, I needed to try something.
My doctor prescribed me 10mg escitalopram (Lexapro generic), and it's been about 4 days since I started. Even though it is still very soon, I am amazed at the results so far. I feel so much more calm, I'm sleeping better, and I was able to have a full length conversation with my barber today during my haircut (I normally keep my mouth shut unless he asks me a question, and even then I get nervous). I haven't experienced any negative side-effects at all. I know it can take a few weeks for the full effects to take control, but as of right now I am so happy to have made this decision. I haven't felt this good since I was a kid.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sexual Drive Gone At Only 20?! Hey bipolar reddit how’s it going. I hope everyone is doing well. My meds are lithium geodon and benzotropine for my kinda serious bipolar. Life got flipped upside down when I started showing symptoms of bipolar and it’s been quite a rollarcoaster. Right now I’m not in a hospital (thank god) but something’s missing. My sex drive! I used to have sex with my girlfriend all the time (and other sexual partners) Now I haven’t sex in a long time and now I’m feeling asexual. I enjoyed sex but now it feels like if an attractive girl was naked in my bedroom I wouldn’t be able to “get it up” lol. I know sexual libido goes down with lithium and lithium is great in terms of keeping me out of the hospital but eventually I want to lose the weight I gained from medication which was a lot and find a beautiful girlfriend and have sex. Does anyone have any tips on dealing with a lower sexual drive from medication and how to improve it? Thanks for reading and always keep fighting and battling! -MTA
|
self.bipolar
|
Interviews stress me the fuck out. They give me hope. But, there's no guarantee you will get the job.
|
self.depression
|
How do I stab myself deeper? I've been having a lot of issues lately and been stabbing my stomach and legs but I can't draw enough blood. Help?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I missed work and now i don't know what to do I didn't go to work the other day. I didn't call in or anything I just... didn't go. I just turned my phone on airplane mode and sat in bed staring at a wall. Which is more of a depression thing, I think, but here's where the anxiety comes in.
They called and texted me a couple times while my phone was off and one of their messages said to call and confirm that I would be at my next shift, which is tonight. I didn't. I hate calling people even on good days. And I definitely can't call now, two days later, but I also can't just show up like nothing happened. I don't have an excuse, I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do, and I don't know where else to ask for help. I'm freaking out.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I did a big I write a lot. It helps me keep my thoughts organized; leashes them down from racing away, and it feels good taking all the time I need to get the right idea expressed without all the verbosity I tend to throw at people when I'm trying to be understood with words in real-time.
I went to an open mic. I read poetry. It went well. I shook uncontrollably for the entire ordeal, and my whole body hurt the next day. My head ached, my lungs feel like I ran a marathon, and every muscles that did its part carrying tension is complaining about it loudly, but I did it.
The audience was incredibly supportive, and it totally helped that I started well. I whispered into the mic "... I've never done this before..." to supportive howling and snaps. And then I said "This is my first time doing some things like this, so this is rough, and I'm not going to to apologize for that, and I'm going to brag about that last part to my therapist later."
Terrifying, but I'd do it again.
|
self.Anxiety
|
What happened to my life? I am 20 years old and already feel like I've wasted my life and it's going to be wasted. My plan was to join the army and either do 20 years and retire, or join law enforcement after however long I felt like serving. But due to medical reasons I got denied. I tried going to college for a year but school was never for me. I now work at a body shop as a detailer. The only hope I have of a career is moving up to a painters helper. Im really not good at anything that can I can make a career out of. I tired researching joining the police or immigration but they polygraph for drugs and I have used alot, thats why I was going to use the military as a door opener. I dont know what to do with my life and I dont want to spend the rest of it worrying. Any advice for someone whose felt like this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to create a mobile app to help bipolar patients as my school project. Would love to hear your thoughts! For my school project, I’m working on creating a mobile app that would help bipolar patients keep track of their daily routines. I’d love to see if this would bring some value to people.
Currently, I’m envisioning passive monitoring features for sleep patterns, activity level, medication adherence, mood level and possible trigger points, so there’s minimal input on the patient’s part. The patient would be able to see their progress over time through graphs and the Altman score. I was inspired by many existing applications with the same goal and wanted to see if I could make them better by making them as frictionless as possible.
Please share your experience with bipolar disorder and your thoughts how helpful this would be for you. Thank you!
|
self.bipolar
|
Showing vulnerability So I, like a lot of people, have the feeling of wanting to accomplish goals or obtain desires outside of what society's norms and am struggling with overcoming the friction between the two.
Does anyone else know the feeling of being depressed over how impossible your goals may seem, but you can't seek help from anyone around you because they might use your vulnerability to convince you to just stop altogether?
|
self.depression
|
My wife is a bitch... A bad-ass bitch. I’ve felt a depressive episode creeping up on me the past week and it hit today. Medicine combo hasn’t been working as great lately. So she ensured me that she would be there with me through everything and that together we would kick this episode’s ass. I swear I would have killed myself before through the wrong state of mind if not for her. I’m going to update it with her username in case anyone would want to give any gold, because god damnit she deserves it and then some. She is truly my saving angel. And with support from her and you guys, I know while I may not always be alright, I’ll survive, and through the in betweens of the episodes I’ll be happy.
Much love to my loving wife and you guys. You are my family.
Edit: meghans5 as promised.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why do some people think I need attention when I try to kill myself [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Once the ElsaGate issue went mainstream news, Reddit comments became a Millennials war between single people and parents.. The single people instantly jumping to criticizing parents is the most uneducated knee-jerk reaction I've ever seen. This is why the world sucks. Many have a lack of reasoning and try to take 'moral' high ground just to feel good about themselves.
|
self.offmychest
|
Blacked out while driving. Any idea what caused it? Current regimen:
(I've got depression and migraines and hypothyroid)
Desvenlafaxine 100mg (bed time)
Lamotrigene 150mg (9am)
Latuda 20mg (dinner time) (just increased from 10mg on Saturday)
Topamax 100mg (bed time) (missed doses sat/sunday)
TEMAZEPAM 30 MG (bed time) (for sleep at night)
Edit 2: Levothyroxine 150mcg first thing in the morning.
Sunday 4pm: took a 1mg Xanax.
---
Issue: 6am Monday, driving to work on the interstate. Blacked out behind the wheel. Woke up when I hit the median and gained a flat tire. Called wife. Once she was on her way, I got back in the car (not driving) and passed out again. She had to pound on the window to wake me up again. I managed to drive to the next exit and park. She took me to work. I passed out in the car again.
At work, passed out in the office. Called an uber to take me home. I passed out in the uber. Got home, passed out at home, slept the whole day.
Have NO recollection of anything that happened on Monday up until about 8pm.
What in the hell happened to me? Pharmacist thinks it might be the combo of the increased latuda and the Xanax... but she things the Xanax should have been well out of my system.
What does the redditshpere think???
Update 1: I have calls out to my doctors (neurologist and psychiatrist. Already spoke to pharmacist)
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else think their antidepressants are causing apathy? I’m a student struggling desperately to find emotion and motivation. When I first started taking my antidepressants, my discipline and mood saw positive changes, but now it’s like I don’t feel anything.
I don’t feel stress, pressure, or anxiety in anything. There’s a test in a few days and I haven’t studied? My brain somehow thinks that’s OK, and I feel no drive to do anything. I could be wrong about this, but I’ve heard similar stories from other people who take antidepressants.
Sometimes I think I’d rather feel depressed than feel nothing at all.
|
self.depression
|
Having a hard time making eye contact Within the last year or two I have developed an aversion to eye contact. Mainly when I am ringing on a cash register at my job. Once I am in a conversation with someone I can make eye contact but have a very difficult time up until that point.
I have tried to make a conscious effort to make eye contact but don't always remember.
Do any of you have this problem and if so, how do you deal with it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
It hurts so much. This is my first post so sorry if it's bad or whatever.
I just keep getting hurt and stepped on and blown off. Its bad enough to just have depression but its 10x worse when you persevere and try to make friends and try to stay positive yet everyone hurts you. I feel like an idiot for being overemotional and trusting anyone who talks to me but i'm so, so desperate for company I can't help it. I'm convinced this is just fate and I should just commit suicide. I'm way too sensitive for this life, I really think tonight should be the night i finally go through with it. I'm starting to think that it's not other people hurting me, I'm just generally so unlikable and repulsive that everyone hates me and there's nothing I can do. I just want to be loved and validated. :(
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't want to talk to my girlfriend anymore because she just talks about negative things.. Lately I feel like not wanting to talk with my girlfriend because all she does is talk about negative things up to the point that I myself end up feeling down and without iniciative.. She's going through a tough time and I'm trying to be there for her and support her but I don't like how I end up feeling everytime after talking to her..
|
self.offmychest
|
Let's compile songs about bipolar Thread what i got:
* without me - eminem
* moment 4 life - nicki minaj
* live in this city - dragonette
* adderall - the coathangers
* control - halsey
* where is my mind - pixies
* cry for judas - the mountain goats
* the man who sold the world - nirvana
* bad day/ no motivation - ausmuteants
* lithium - nirvana
* bad habits - fidlar
* i just wanna die - fidlar
balance this out, here’s some motivational:
* Reasons not to be an idiot - frank turner
* be who you are - the cooks
* live it up - no bunny
* running my pretending - SWMRS
|
self.bipolar
|
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