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DBT when CBT not working? I have very severe GAD to the point that it's debilitating. I have been seeing my therapist for 2 years for CBT, but it hasn't helped and my anxiety has only gotten worse.
Recently, my therapist suggested that I might need DBT instead. The only information he had was that I would see a DBT therapist once a week and go to a skills group once a week for an hour. He said it typically lasts 7 months to a year.
Has anyone been in DBT therapy or is in DBT therapy? How well does it work for anxiety, specifically GAD?
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self.Anxiety
|
Weird things you do to fall asleep? Meditation? Breathing techniques? Jerking off?? What is your ritual to shut your anxiety off long enough to get some sleep?
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self.Anxiety
|
Things that keep you alive? I feel like the only reason I haven't killed myself is that I get to talk to my friends regularly and I usually guilt trip myself about how my family will react
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self.SuicideWatch
|
99 problems and hypomania is all of them I’ve been fairly manic the past 2 or so weeks, sleeping maybe 4-5 hours on a good day/night (I work at a 24-hour hospital) and eating just enough that I don’t crumble every time I stand. Additionally, I’ve been having relationship problems that have been overwhelming me to uncontrollable tears every second that I stop and think about my life. I’ve been go-go-go nonstop, working 70 hour weeks because I couldn’t say no when I was asked to pick up shifts, and have definitely not been chill towards my body.
I‘m now starting to feel the repercussions of the past few weeks— my body is dragging, my words don’t come out right (even the kids I work with called me out on it), and my thoughts would get a reckless driving ticket if they could operate a motor vehicle. I have to work 11pm-7am tonight after waking up at 5 this morning to work 7-3pm, not sleeping after, and barely stomaching a chocolate bar for dinner. I’m incredibly anxious about my body giving out on me at work and I don’t know what to do to make sure I can maintain during this shift. 😞
If anyone has advice, I would greatly appreciate it
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self.bipolar
|
The thought of loved ones dying doesn’t make me sad More like “well, one less thing to worry about.”
The only person I feel sad about is my wife, pretty much everyone else if I think about them dying it’s just like a check list.
My mom died a few years ago, I was a little sad for a few days but that’s it. Dad, brother? I’ve thought about if sometching happened and it’s more a relief that it’s one less person to deal with at Holidays and what not. Even with my friends I just don’t feel any great sadness in me when I imagine what it would be like if they were gone.
I guess I just feel numb to the whole thing
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self.offmychest
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I'm the problem after all I think I'm the root of the issues. All I ever want is to be around you and talk to you, but you hate it when I'm around and all my presence does for you is cause you stress no matter how much I want to help. I really am the problem here. Without me, everything would be way easier for you. I'm sorry for causing you so many problems. I'm going to kill myself tonight. Then I won't be a problem anymore. You'll be happier at least, and that's what matters. Goodbye, and thank you for being my best friend while it lasted.
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self.offmychest
|
Tired of Roughing it alone! There must be something wrong with me, nobody seems to want me, as a friend or more. I try different things but always get rejected. Living like this....I’m very lonely and it’s eating at me slowly. I’ve tried suicide before six times. I’ve survived every attempt, but they all seem like wasted saves. Nothing gets better just worse as I get older.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone take Cymbalta and get high blood pressure? Had a doc visit today, and my blood pressure was SUPER high for my 23yo, female, in decent shape self. In the past, it's always been very normal. Only thing I can think of is my Cymbalta, which I started about four months ago. I have an appt with my primary care soon, but just wondering if anyone else experienced this?
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self.Anxiety
|
The thing that makes it worth it is taken away. I don't know why, I never have been able to explain it, but I loves a lot. Sometimes I think it's because it was my way of dealing with being bullied for my race at school, and putting up with child abuse at home, and not being accepted in my parents home country.
But when I was young i used to just say because of how they work, but I actually don't know why. Being the only one who likes cars, I've never been understood. I've had it mocked, my mum used to try beat it out of me. My dad would always put my dreams down.
A lot happened to lead to depression and anxiety, but after 11 years at age 18 I've managed to not go through with suicide and cure the feelings without trying something to stop it.
I think buying a dream car that I have had since I was five really boosted who I was, and finally building my dream rc car since I was nine also gave me reasons to be happy as that's who I am, a car enthusiast.
I managed to get rid of the girl who I thought was my friend but used to make me feel little because i liked cars. I've gotten over the fact that the girl from work who also loves cars, doesn't like me anymore because I don't want a wife or children. I just want to build cars.
After all that I've fought for, my parents still don't support me, and am not trusted with a car, and am being mocked more than ever, I've lost my job, lost friends, trying to study for retakes but have no motivation because all I've ever done is for cars, but after finally getting a license and a car I've had my confidence taken away by my whole family and just have given up.
I know this makes no sense and is poorly written, but i guess this is how I feel in my mind. the one thing I've only ever pushed for has been taken away, my cars isn't were I parked it three weeks ago, I think I want to cry, I feel like I've lost my soul. My car was the only thing that I need to go cry, I'm sorry, I don;t know what I'm doing.
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self.depression
|
One of those nights First and foremost. Hey all!
I’m actually posting on the right sub Reddit. Haha
Long story short. I recently broke up with my ex of close to 5 years. I’ve been single for roughly 5 months? So it’s still fairly fresh.
I’ve taken things to a more hasty fashion in my recovery to being single. Forced myself into dating, but at this point with the lack of dating and swipes I’ve made. I’ve taken the step of slowly letting that go.
My best friend of almost 10 years is now engaged with his fiancé, I’m really happy for them, yet at the same time sad for myself. Maybe it’s the alcohol and realization that November 20 would of been my 5 years with my ex.
She was everything to me.
She was what made me happy and had me dreaming of a future with her.
She was the one who understood me and whom I got along with the most.
Now that’s all gone, it just sucks having this feeling of void, the month of October has been rough for me, from all the solo adventures and hobbies I’ve picked up, I’ve slumped back into sleeping in, moments of sadness and weakness, moments of spite of the relationship people have, that I wished I had.
As I type this and listen to songs that carried me through my breakup. I feel tears slowly coming out of my eyes, but deep down, my heart is just torn apart.
Thanks for listening.
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self.offmychest
|
still live with my dad and all i do is play video games all day Hi I'm 27 years of age and for the past 7 years i have barely left my house. All i do is sit in my room and play video games and watch TV series, up un till now I've loved doing that i found it better than doing a mental job all my life then dieing. I have little to no interactions with other people. I'm posting this here to see if people are in similar situations and close to my age who are like this and if you have any advice on to pushing the horrible thoughts out my head.
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self.depression
|
I hate New Year's Eve so much. It's totally arbitrary, and that really isn't a problem (any made-up reason to celebrate is fine) except that it makes me think about how miserable I was last New Year's, and every year as far back as I can remember - which is something I would never otherwise think about. I mean, if I am depressed on May 3rd, I am not also upset that I was depressed on May 3rd last year too, because it cannot help but escape my notice. But I know I was depressed on New Year's Eve of 2016, and every year I can remember before that. It's the same every year, and that makes me feel even worse than I normally do.
What's worse, it marks another year during which I was totally miserable. Every New Year's Eve, I am made to reflect that I felt just as bad over the last year as I did the year before, often worse. I don't feel any better about anything in my life after a whole year having passed. Every year I tell myself that I am trying harder than I ever have to be better, and that there is some prospect that in the next year there will be something in my life that makes it worth living, that takes a little bit of the pain away. But every year have to realize that I was wrong. I was thinking exactly the same thing earlier this year, but now I realize that I was wrong last year and I will be wrong this year too. I would not be thinking about any of this if it weren't New Year's Eve.
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self.depression
|
depression solution. i can see 2 things that can take me out of this mess. im suffering from being unmotivated, feeling insignificant, shit. the main reason for my depression is that i dont have a close friend. i have friends, but they are more like acquaintances. there are 2 solutions to my problem. one is to make friends, but this seems extremely hard/borderline impossible considering how awkward and boring i am. the other solution is, guess what, antidepressants. should i take them and will they make me feel better. fuck having friends, if drugs can help me get out of this mess, its all what i ask for
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self.depression
|
I officially have no friends.... I had to get rid of my Facebook account in an attempt to land a job (long story, won't get into it), which was basically my last semblance of any type of "social life". I need help finding new friends (which the prospect of absolutely TERRIFIES me F.Y.I., as I'm in my early 30's and haven't had to find new friends since I was about 18 really....at least now that I have now way to keep in regular contact those who moved away.
I'm even willing to develop "online" friendships at this point, IDC. If you're interested in meeting me in real life though, I live in MD in the Washington D.C. area, and my e-mail is JKolodne@gmail.com. If you want to know anything more, get in touch with me.
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self.depression
|
I just want to vanish off the face of the Earth... I'm done. I'm done lying to myself, it won't get better, I won't find someone, even if by some miracle I'll wind up pushing them away.
Why keep going if everything I have has slipped (or is slipping) away. The band is dead, we haven't even practiced with everyone since August. I haven't heard anything from either of the other guys since September. It's not like we had everything going for us anyways. We are just three ugly teens that tried to make music.
I have no future right now. Three D-'s one F. The only class I have a good grade in is guitar. Even then I suck at it. The only thing that I can see in my future if I stick around is working at McDonald's for the rest of my shitty ass fucking life.
I wish I could disappear, just simply go somewhere and never return. I'm probably going to make it look like an accident when I do it. If I didn't I would just become another rumor. I'm going to be forgotten just like the other guys from the school. I'm go to end up like Steve, Kadin, and Nathan (all committed suicide and are pretty much forgotten about). Just be everyone's best friend for a day then be forgotten. It's better than just being forgotten here while I'm alive . It's funny how only the popular guys got remembered if they died. Everyone remember's Max (the star basketball player who committed suicide) and Clay (a popular guy who wrapped his car around a tree). Everyone went to their candlelight vigils. I kind of want one, but who would show up? I'd want Highly Suspect (especially Serotonia), Down, Black Sabbath, Metallica, some Judas Priest, and Pantera to play at it or my funeral. I want all the guys who dip to have a nice fat hog in for me. That's all I want.
I'm going to be online for a couple hours or so. If you want to talk go ahead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I know it's the end of a 2 year relationship. 21 f (me) 20 m (my love) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Currently having a “moment”... I am currently having what I’ve come to call a “moment” aka my anxiety is refusing to let my brain shut the heck up. I am on meds (Paxil, Wellbutrin, and Propranolol) but sometimes the anxiety gets to be too much even for those. Or maybe I have ADHD that’s never been diagnosed. Idk.
In any case, my brain is refusing to be logical about dating right now. You see, I’m 29 and due to my anxiety and insecurities, I’ve never dated much. Recently, I’ve been working on that with my counselor and have since gotten more comfortable talking to guys on dating apps like Bumble.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I messaged a guy yesterday and we’ve been chatting since but he hasn’t responded to my last message I’m a few hours and now my anxiety and insecurities are creeping in again and I cannot concentrate for the life of me. Like, to the point where my brain just keeps going “OMG did I say something wrong? I shouldn’t have said that. Shit! He hates me or thinks I’m weird now.”
Ugh. It’s a struggle. This is not the first time this has happened and I know logically that he is likely just sleeping or busy because he worked overnight, but my brain keeps being an asshat.
Has anyone else experienced this or have any suggestions? I really do keep trying to distract myself or step back and use logic, but as many of you probably know, that doesn’t work all the time. I’m seriously sitting here practicing humming with nervous energy.
tl;dr: I’ve been chatting with a guy on Bumble, he hasn’t messaged me back in a while and my brain is being a jerk telling me I did something wrong, despite me knowing that the man is probably just busy or sleeping.
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self.Anxiety
|
Every time my boyfriend hasn't replied to my texts for a couple hours, I always start to panic. Every time it happens, my mind goes straight to negative thoughts. I always think something bad has happened, so I start having bad panic attacks. I know he's probably just too busy to reply, I don't know why I automatically assume the worst :( I hate feeling like this. I worry about him every time he's not with me.
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self.Anxiety
|
Hypomanic phases+hypersexuality=social suicide *disclaimer: I understand that this post is insanely long but I feel condensing it will dilute its message. Some of this is unrelated to my bipolar II but it still plays a central role in my issue so I felt this would be the best place to post this (plus I don't know where else to post). Little new here. I've been suffering from the symptoms of bipolar II along with social anxiety since my early teens so throughout middle/high school it crippled me socially. My rapid, awkward, all-over-the-place speech in my hypomanic phases and my mumbly, confused speech in depressive phases (if I even spoke at all) along with anxiety kept me from really connecting with anyone and i was never able (and still am not very able) to display my true self, something that crushes/depresses me to this day. It also SERIOUSLY held me back academically/athletically. I was a straight-A student with a promising competitive swimming career up until around 9th grade when my disorder had grown to an unmanageable level due to it going untreated, and it continued to for the rest of high school, with my relatively strict parents calling it bullshit at every turn and never getting me in any counseling or put on any meds until i dropped out of college at 18. Only then did they listen and see an issue. Knowing that I never realized my potential in any area of my life sends me flying into bouts of extreme depressive episodes in which I cry over what could have been and it can last days. I only thought I had depression at this point so I was misdiagnosed for another year. Now at 20 I am finally diagnosed properly and on a mood stablizier although it hasn't been particulary effective, and smoking weed and dropping acid probably doesn't help matters. But I must admit that my first couple trips allowed me to take inventory and understand that I've been bouncing between manic/depressive phases since childhood and that my issue quite possibly extends into sex addiction/hypersexuality. And it brought certain behaviors and memories to the surface that I wasn't willing to face and it's a big reason why I'm even here posting this (I DO NOT condone the use of LSD, especially for the people on this subreddit). Now we get to the main point that the title addresses (not sure if I had to give ya'll my life story first).Throughout my adolescent life a common theme has been my complete and utter lack of control of my sexual impulses, resulting in shameful behavior that I keep buried away from many: public masturbation. At the beach with a towel over me, in the nearest public bathroom and even IN CLASS. I knew it was disgusting as I was doing it, but simply HAD to get off constantly like some nympho. I could only dart to the bathroom throughout the day so many times (our monthly hall passes gave us a limited number of times to leave class). After reflecting, I feel that this urge was aggravated by a combination of my hypomanic phases (which involves being too horny) and my hypersexuality, bringing my sex drive to an INSANE level. If this is the case, then it would explain that behavior. It doesn't justify it, but it gives insight into how this happened. And teachers did NOTHING to address it. Unless the kid's autistic, I would have confronted me about it if I were in their shoes and it may have gotten me the help I needed sooner. Because they turned a blind eye, it continued to fester and get worse. I understand that it's not their job to counsel me but such extreme behavior warrants attention, I was very sick and nobody helped me. There is one exception, in which we were watching a movie in class a year after I discontinued my in-class meat-beating. A risque scene comes on, and my teacher promply says, "Ok, settle down, John." to which the class erupts into the most intense laughter I've ever heard that rings in my ears to this day. So if anything they made it worse. I quickly became known as that creepy kid that beat it in the back of class, bc, well.... I WAS that creepy kid that beat it in the back of class. I never stared at some chick's ass to set it off, mind you, if anything I blocked out the world to focus on my animalistic impulses. So if anyone wants to call me a gross creep, save it bc I'm already aware :( But this realization that it may not have been my fault, that I'm not a complete pervert really makes me feel better and could bring me at peace but I feel I cannot confirm it without getting some outside opinions and I don't want to go to anyone else (friends, family, etc.) other than my psychiatrist bc I'm so shameful of it and I fear they would look at me different for the rest of my life. I've just been hurting for such a long time and I'm desperate to get answers about this bc I'm too hung up on it and I likely will continue to be until I come to peace with it.
Thanks
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self.bipolar
|
Woooow, I can just feel the love... [NAW] So, being the piece of shit I am, I ended up posting a kind of depressing status on facebook about how I felt sad because I feel like I can't say anything about anything without being attacked, even if I'm agreeing with the person.
I know. I'm really annoying for posting a sad status, but I really very rarely do it and I'm not sure what possessed me to write it, but whatever.
But my feeling of shit NOW stems from the fact that the only response/reaction I received on it was someone posting a gif saying, "no more internet for today". Like gee thanks. I *totally* needed that. That *totally* made me feel better. Fuuuuuck.
I fucking hate it because I see these people who post nothing but sad statuses about how they are soooo depressed and everyone of their statuses get like 100 comments of love and support and what not. I post once about it and I get a kind of insulting comment about how I should just shut the fuck up.
Feeling that there love.
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self.offmychest
|
I feel rejected by the system and I don't know where else to turn [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Which doctor should i listen to? This is mostly just a rant because I'm angry and confused, I am not asking for medical advice, but I would appreciate advice (especially if you've been in a similar situation).
I just moved, so I had to find a new primary care doc and psychiatrist. I saw the primary care doc on wednesday, and it turns out he has a ton of experience with phsych med management. So I tell him about how I want to get off seroquel, and that the last psych I saw (as well as 2 psychs I saw at the hospital when i spent a week there) all said that after I'd been stable for a while that I could try and get off seroquel and possibly add a anti-depressant (I take lamictal, so this wouldn't be an anti-depressant on its own). They all said that welbutrin would be a good one to start with, since it would also help with my adhd. Fast forward ~6 months of stability and I want to give it a try. Primary doc says let's try it and keep a close watch on how things go. I started taking 150mg welbutrin xl yesterday. Today I had more energy than I've had in a long time, I would consider it an appropriate amount of energy for an adult leading a pretty low stress life.
Today I saw the psychiatrist for the first time, he agrees with my previous diagnosis of bipolar ii and adhd. So I tell him that I'd like to get off the seroquel, and that I'd discussed this with my previous pysch (who I saw for 1 1/2 years and trust completely) and that we had talked about replacing it with welbutrin. He agrees that I can go down on the seroquel, and to see if the lamictal solo works. I'm cool with all this, but then he tells me that he would never give a bipolar patient an anti-depressant even along with a mood stabilizer, and that he only ever uses anti-psychotics for depression in bp patients. That he would give adderall before welbutrin to a bp patient with adhd. It's entirely possible that I'm only angry with him because he doesn't agree with what I want to do, but I'm pretty confident that my anger stems from the fact that he isn't taking my input into consideration while coming up with a treatment plan.
I don't have a huge problem with trying lamictal solo, but if I do start getting depressed I DO NOT want to be put back on an anti-psychotic. Seroquel made me constantly tired/sluggish, gain 25lbs, and I had uncontrollable cravings for sweets. Abilify sent me to the hospital because of akathesia...I don't want to touch another ap unless I'm getting hypo, and then only use it short term if possible.
I don't know what to do. Do I continue to take the welbutrin? Do I try and get a 3rd opinion, which could take months? Do I stop the welbutrin and just continue to taper down the seroquel?
TL;DR Mostly just a rant, but also would appreciate some advice. Both docs agree I can try to get off seroquel. One doc says let's try welbutrin xl + lamictal combo, other says he would give a bipolar patient adderall before an antidepressant and should just try lamictal solo. Who should I listen to?
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self.bipolar
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Very personal blog of mine was shared with my parents [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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When anxiety turns from stress and panic into detached numbness Curious to see if anyone else experiences it, because it's utterlyb destroying my productivity at work. I can't focus on anything, a colleague joked that I had one hell of a "thousand-yard stare" last week, and it's really difficult to get anything done. It's not like I have other things to do, if I had no other obligations I'd seriously just sit in silence on a couch and just stare at nothing and be stuck in my head.
I would almost rather the uncomfortable I-have-to-keep-moving anxiety state. It's been weeks of this, and I worry I'm putting my job at risk.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone here from Michigan/Metro Detroit? Just curious if anyone has there MMMP Card? Experience etc.
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self.bipolar
|
People would be happier if I died I have a really loving family and a friend that cares about me. I know they'll be really sad if I killed myself. But after they get over my death, they'll be happier. My mom won't have to do my laundry, my dad won't have to keep buying food and working to pay for my schooling. The people at school wouldn't have to deal with me anymore.
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self.depression
|
Any tips on nipping it in the bud? Feeling a severe bout of depression for the first time. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I used to eat breakfast and watch TV before going to work. Now I stay in bad, skip breakfast & TV and go straight to work My alarm clock is still set on the same time as before, but I get out of bed to stop the alarm, get into bed again and watch time go by until I have no time left and have to go.
This is some kind of sign for me. I was living in isolation 5 years ago and this is how it started back then. Pushing the limits of staying home. The only reason I go to work is because I don't want to let my colleagues down (we work as a team and need each other).
I'm not motivated to go anymore, I don't even get paid for it. Because in my country, you get 70% of minimum salary if you have a disability that gets in your way of school & work. Mine is a mild form of Autism
I isolated myself from school 5 years ago, and this is my first job since then. I've worked many jobs before and also did a lot of 1-month jobs to try and see what wold suit me.
My current job doesn't pay above that 70%. I could literally do nothing and still have the same amount of money each month. But now, I instead have to work 5 days a week for 27 hours total including 2 nightshifts. This takes all the motivation away. But everybody tells me to keep on going because it's 'healthy' or else I would isolate myself again.
I don't ask much, 70% of minimum salary is enough for me to pay my rent, drive my car and do groceries.
I'm hoping my life will get better. I need to wait
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self.depression
|
I need some advice I'm not sure this is exactly what the community is about, but im going to ask anyway. I'm a high schooler so while this shouldn't be so blown out of proportion it is in my head. anyway
I don't know what to do. I have a huge crush on a girl, yet there is so much working against me. She has a "BF" (she doesn't really think they're dating, but whatever) I know this because she has confided it with me, meaning i have already been friend zoned. I met her through the drama program at our school, i in crew and her the lead actress (b/c of course). the way the school productions work in the school year, she'll be busy with shows and finals and another drama thing until may (another thing she has confided) when she graduates. I know chances are she's friend zoned me in her mind and asking her would probably ruin our friendship. It would also ruin her social life, as she would tell her best friend, who is an incorrigible gossip and would tell everyone. I have an atrocious record for becoming infatuated with people who don't reciprocate ( like 0-6 at this point) so i'm terrified that it will be 0-7.
Any advice would be amazing, and any other place to post this where it would be better suited would be appreciated as well
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self.offmychest
|
Got scolded at work I work in pet care near the fish and stuff. I haven't been feeling good at all for a couple months. Sleepy and nauseous. Two people came over and started looking at the fish. They were at the end of the aisle and looked like they were just browsing. I would have said something to them but I was hit with a wave of nausea and had to go into the room for sick animals because it had a stool I could sit down on until it passed. I was in there for less than five minutes before my manager comes in and says the customers are mad at me, and if I'm "so busy", then they don't even want my help. I tried to tell him I was feeling nauseous, but he cut me off and lectured me about how I have to stay on the floor and greet everyone. After that I ended up having an anxiety attack and one of the other managers was trying to comfort me. Why am I like this?
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self.Anxiety
|
Depression Remedies? I've been feeling depressed since the beginning of August. I've sought therapy, I exercise, sleep 7 hours, and meditate. I try to keep a positive but realistic mindset; however I'm still depressed. This is really affecting my productivity, so I could fail some classes this semester. Also, I've been experiencing frequent suicidal thoughts, and I never thought I'd even have these thoughts.
I try not to think about my sexuality; and just focus on college, but it's not working. I'm positive my depression stems from my sexuality, and there isn't much I can do about it.
Anyone know of any stress/anxiety/depression relief? I just need to get clear-headed so I can pass my classes; and I'd like to feel better.
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self.depression
|
How do i get back on my feet ? Hello !
So i just went trough a huge trauma in my life.
It all started with depression that initially got my girlfriend to leave me. I used to come home and lie down, feel like everything was hopeless, like nothing was worth doing. She would try to communicate with me but I could not articulate the words for how I was feeling and we eventually grew apart because of that.
A couple of months after this I was accused of rape after a party. This hit me really hard since it's not a situation I could ever see myself in. I can not overstate what a trauma this has been to me.
I've since been freed of all accusations but it really didn't help the depression that was already growing inside.
Since this incident I've mainly focused on work, and my career is going well. I'm 22 and a i'm a IT consultant at at IT service provider firm. Recently I have gotten to do consulting and soon going to be the technical account manager of a bank. This is not helping with the constant anxiety that comes with depression.
But work is the only thing moving me forward in this life.
I'm really careful to not work to much, not to get overworked, since this is the only thing i enjoy.
I really do not enjoy anything else on my free time. I used to be a social guy with a lot of friends but now i have very few, of winch i do not hang around with as often as we used to.
I used to be really into competitive gaming (cs:go mainly) but now i cant seem to enjoy anything. So i resort to weed and alcohol, on weekends.
How do I get back on my feet ? How do I start to enjoy life again ?
Thank you in advance for any advice !
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self.depression
|
Just "overdosed" on my bipolar meds for the second time this week. I refuse to go to the hospital again because I don't want them to commit me again. It was torture. Can I use activated charcoal for teeth whitening to lessen effects? If so how do I use it? I put overdose in parenthesis because I'm not experiencing symptoms yet. I took less than last time. 1700 mg vs 1100 mg (that's all I had left).
Idk if I'll have bad symptoms since it's less than last time. I'm prescribed 200 mg.
I REFUSE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL SO DON'T TRY TO CONVINCE ME.
I have activated charcoal for teeth whitening. I know activated charcoal is what they use to rid the body of the toxicity of too many meds.
Does anyone know if I can use home activated charcoal? If so, how do I take it? Under the tongue or do I swallow it?
It also has bentonite clay (first ingredient), sodium bicarbonate (third ingredient), coconut oil, orange seed oil, organic peppermint oil, and spearmint oil in that order.
It says to contact poison control if accidently swallowed.
I brushed my teeth with it since I know that's safe. I might brush again. Idk if that is enough.
Starting to feel nauseous and my motor skills are affected and I have blurred vision but I'm not experiencing the other symptoms yet (double vision, increased heart rate, sweating, and the other symptoms - I forget what they were).
Edit:
Heart rate starting to increase. Not as bad as last time. 94 BPM vs 120 ish. It's usually around 65.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Mental Health in the workplace I'm sure this has been covered a million times but I think it's absolutely necessary to address to employers. I know that mental health (anxiety, depression) is a stigma here in the united states and not as prevelant than in the workplace. Co workers and customers see us try to smile and bare it but we're dying inside and when we address it to our supervisors they use it as a liability against us because no matter how much of a good worker we are. We still have good days and bad days and those days where we can't get out of bed. We must miss the work day. Unfortunately, most employers don't care about as to WHY we're missing our shift....but just that we are missing and therefore can be counted against us. There have been numerous times that I've had to come home due to anxiety attacks and breakdowns.
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self.Anxiety
|
College is the worst time of my life I️ can’t understand how it is so easy for people to maintain relationships and a social life without feeling this crippling depression and complete lack of motivation. During the weekdays I️ can at least be occupied by homework and classes but every weekend in the last 2 months i’ve stayed in bed all day because it’s just too hard to try. No one talks to me and I’m tired of making all the effort. So I️ just don’t anymore, and I’m alone, and it’s terrible but i’ve got no motivation to change anything.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else feel like you were obliged into living? [deleted]
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self.depression
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How do you keep going when you can't? Just been a rather hard year and I don't want 2018 to be as bad. I don't know if i'm strong enough to do that again because it hurt.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I have intense anxiety about applying for jobs Last year I had a mental break down and had to have time off work, I ended up leaving that job as the management was terrible plus the work load was always increasing for my department and the management didn’t seem to do anything about it when we complained.
I quit my job to travel for a few months, after I got back I had pretty bad anxiety applying for jobs. Every time I would sit down to write a cover letter I would get so overwhelmed and my anxiety would be going through he roof. Currently I work part time in retail for my old boss. It’s a temporary job until I get something better.
I was in therapy, but I decided to stop as I found out that I’m a lot more depressed and anxious when I do therapy. I took a break and I’ve been so happy during this break. I will resume therapy either in a few months or a years time.
Ive also has some bad interview experiences and that made me really shut down for a few weeks. This was about a month ago and I’ve been trying to get back in to looking for jobs, but every time I open a listing my heart starts racing and I just can’t proceed it’s like I’m frozen.
Has anyone experienced this? How did you over come it?
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self.Anxiety
|
It's been five months and I finally see how badly I treat her Okay so as some of you may be aware, my fiance broke up with me almost five months ago now because I beat her. I have depression, but it doesn't excuse my actions. Truth is I haven't really been honest with you all. There was another reason we broke up.
I gave my ex herpes in 2016. We didn't have sex for a long time and it got frustrating. Things came to a head in May 2017 when I started getting pushy because she wouldn't sleep with me. She said it hurt too much. It wasn't about the physical aspect of it for me, it was about the emotional intimacy we had together. It wasn't about getting off for me.
I just read our old Facebook messages and I now see how pushy I actually was. I really didn't think I was that bad, I'd never normally do something like that and I don't even know what I was thinking. I'm such a piece of shit. All this time I've been hoping she'll come back to me and I've held off killing myself for that reason, but now it just feels like I should just do it to free myself of the guilt I feel. Or maybe I deserve to feel this guilt. Either way I think the world would be better off without me. It doesn't need someone like me in it when there's good people dying every single fucking day. It hardly seems fair.
I have truly destroyed her. I saw pictures and quotes she put up on messenger that made me realise she really did care about me at one point, but I ruined it. The best thing for me is a hole in the ground. It's all so pointless without her. But I'm the reason we broke up. I'm the reason she hates me. And I hate myself more and more because of it.
I was gonna wait until New Years Eve just to see if she'll come back to me but I don't think I'll make it until the weekend now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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idk what to do. im so fucking bored. all the time. nothing is fun to me anymore. i used to be able to sit down in front of my computer and have a blast for 12 hours or however long i would sit on it. now i play 1 game and if the slightest thing goes wrong im just done with it. nothing else is fun to me anymore. i dont watch tv, netflix, twitch. i dont like to do anything anymore. nothing is fun to me. all i want to do is just not exist. there is ONE reason why im not dead already and its my mom. shes the one person that cares about me and theres no way i would be able to hurt her like that. i can barely even talk to her about my depression because i dont want her to be worried. the only reason i even went to the doctor was because of my sleep issues causing me to miss days and days of school. idk what to do. i want to die. i say that as a joke a lot but ive come to realize that i mean it. i truly want to die. there's no place for me. nothing is fun and i just want to die.
e: and no one is going to see this for a long time, because its 4:33 am because im a huge piece of shit
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Buspirone isn't working like I thought it would... what other options do I have? What other options do I have if buspirone doesn't end up working like it should/want it to? I am deathly afraid of SSRIs - I mean really, the side effects and horror stories are hear about them really freak me out. I know they do help many people, but the side effects really just turn me off from them. Which is why I really was hoping buspirone would work. I am currently on 7.5 mg 3 times a day. I've heard of many success stories with buspirone at dosages of 60mg, so I am hoping that it may just be a dose issue. I've been on buspirone for about a week.
I've tried beta blockers (propranolol) and lorazepam (I get 15 of them and use them strictly for panic attacks), and now buspirone.
I started to go to the gym and I am also taking daily vitamins, as well as changed my diet - but nothing is really helping. I am trying to try CBT counseling, but it is extremely hard to find or get on contact with therapist in my insurance network.
I see my doctor again next Wednesday for a follow up.
I have been doing a lot of research on anxiety medications. From what I can tell, it doesn't seem like there is really ANY other drug that is similar to buspirone - it seems to be in its own class. SSRIs, SNRIs, and MAOIs all freak me out. I am looking at atypical antidepressants/anxiety medications. Clonidine, anticonvulsants, stimulants, and atypical antipsychotics (which I also heard very bad things about regarding side effects, so that one is also off the list.
From what I am reading, it seems like anxiety/depression and ADD can go hand-in-hand with each other - one causes the other it seems like. I certainly feel my motivation and focus has delpeted. I cannot focus on anything and am having a very hard time motivating myself. For the past few months, I haven't been able to pull myself to do anything outside of work, I have been having a very hard time focusing on my goals. I just feel like nothing has my interest or motivates me. I can't figure out why. I am kind of weary of bringing this up to my doctor - mainly because I know the abuse potential stimulants have, and I feel like he would completely write be off on anythign else I suggest since I haven't tried antidepressants - which seem to be the "go to" medication nowadays, and then alternatives if they don't work. But I want to ultimately try the alternatives and use antidepressants as a last resort.
Just looking for opinions or suggestions
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self.Anxiety
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I don't want to talk about my depression because I wouldn't know what to say if I were them [deleted]
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self.depression
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I tried I gave life another chance and it is not for me. I think it is my time to leave now. I will be taking my life soon.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel invisible sometimes Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. I'm not entirely sure why, but it's just like that sometimes.
I'm away from my hometown, in a place I love. Connecticut is beautiful, there's much to do. I like to walk the streets of Mystic and watch, look at the joy of the people's faces walking down, gaze upon the ones fishing and laughing, the couples holding hand in hand, the kids laughing. It's weird though. We're all so different.
That's not the weird part though. I see people walking down like me, and I'll stop and talk to someone. It's nice, a lot of the times very rushed though. They're in a hurry.
I'm fortunate. Life is alright, I have my mom and dogs up here just 5 miles up the road, my barracks are a comfortable retreat and I'm doing well in school, studying hard for the first time in my life (like super hard) and feeling gratification from school. It's hard but I love that.
Everyone talks to me here. I love it. I don't hang out with many people, they've normally got their own plans and I'm kinda broke just getting shit together for my possibly last Thanksgiving for my mom and I for quite some time. It's alright, she's working, bills are getting payed, BAH comes soon. One day at a time, just breath.
I have a very best friend. You could say I love her, I don't know how I do but something is there. Maybe not romantically but deeply I feel the care she has for me. She's from home, and now lives in NYC. Busy though, so we don't talk too too much, though when we do it's great and I have someone to talk about everything to.
I love my shipmates. My God, they're great. I have a shitty knee, so they had been helping me out a bit when I'm hurting during the day. It's a miniscus issue, that'll hopefully get healed up in a few months by physical therapy. 16 of us in class and we're a fucking family. Chain of command is absolutely baller too. Instructors, LPO and Chiefs I can FEEL give a fuck about us.
Sometimes.
Sometimes I lie in my bed, like I have been the past few hours. Tried to call people and they're busy or whatever, all good. A strange get sense of... Forgetful existence feeling. I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm not down, I'm definitely in the best part of my life I've ever been in. I'm not over the moon happy though, sure - some stressors going on and my knee kind of affecting that a bit. Is what it is.
Though.... It's a strange outside feeling. I'm here but don't quite matter yet. I will, given time, but at the moment sometimes I feel as though I am just a breeze going through the air on a hot day. People like me, but for some reason I don't stick around, and I'm just winding through day by day with a feeling of unkowing.
I don't really understand myself, but I understand myself more than I did and the person I'm so proud to have become so far, and proud of the positive changes I've made to my decision processing and demeanor. I know I'm not alone, I have my small family and the best friends any man could ever ask for. Sometimes I just feel invisible, like I'm spectating rather than playing. I'm not sure I like it, but I don't hate it either. It's a bit of an indifferent feeling.
I don't talk to people about... Me much anymore. It's like nobody really KNOWS me, including my family. It's not a big deal, I'm only 22 and just started trying to make a name for myself. I definitely also feel like I'm rambling. It's more for lack of better wording.
I wish I was more not alone, more... Significant in life. Memorable maybe? Less of an extra in a movie. Maybe all this studyingand lack of sleep has my brain frazzled. Could always use more people to talk with.
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self.offmychest
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Always going to fail. Do any of you guys put of doing things, like getting into a relationship or learning to drive, because you assume that you are going to fail?
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self.depression
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I never ever take risks But this time I just said fuck it, can't get any worse. So I went and bought myself a classic car that needs a lot of work. If life's still trash five years from now then at least I'll be wrapped around a tree in a good looking car :p
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self.depression
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My girlfriend and I are on a two week break and I miss her so much [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Im scared everything isn't going to turn out okay My name is Nathan
Ever since i was a young boy (maybe around 8 or 9) have always felt and been alone. Maybe every couple of months i find a friend or a group, but always they end up leaving me. It only seems to get worse, a little while ago i found a group where i felt like i wasn't the odd one out, a group where there were kids simlar to me. But in the end here i am again, it was only a month i was friends with them. Its the fastest i have ever been forced out of a group. Im scared of growing up, i dont know if everything is going to fine. I dont go to school, i dropped out (i dont know if im stupid but as a boy i was told i was smart) when ever i think about being i a place i feel like i want to be, i cant imagine myself being happy. Sure i can do day to day tasks but deep down i don't know if im going to make it, i dont have a plan and if i grow up im sure im going to be homeless. For the past 4 years i have had no one show up to my birthday, i dont have partys anymore, i dont bother. When i was 6 or 7 i was diagnosed with adhd (no this isn't a self diagnosis, i have seen a doctor for this) and so it has made it hard for me to socialize and fit in. Due to that i feel like i have some social anxiety disorder, even though i wish i could talk to more people and inspire others. I wish i could be better, i dont know if i have some type of high functioning depression or something but i wish at night time, i will be better and eveything will be okay in the end. Im scared r/depression, im scared this isn't going to be true, that everything is going to eat me alive. I feel every cell in my body dying, every time i cry i feel so pathetic. Somebody just be with me, so i dont have to face the storm alone.
Im sorry this had no structure or is just all over place and if it seems melodramatic. I just dont know how to get over my saddness
I wish everything will be better
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self.depression
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Sick days from work make me feel more pathetic [deleted]
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self.depression
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Do you ever get a good moment in the week? An island in the storm? I DON'T. I never get a moment to be happy, this hell won't end, it won't let me die. I am so sick of this nightmare.
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self.depression
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Hi guys I could use some advice only you all may understand... I need some help. I am sooooo sorry for all this text.
So I made a post here a week or two ago about having extreme difficulty waking up. No alarm has been working I've tried everything. The only way I can get up is if it happens or my boyfriend literally lifts me up.
I have been working 7 days a week with the base hours for each job being 8hrs. One is a career job I've had for 6 years and am thought pretty highly of. The second is a 10hr part time job I had over the summer but tried to keep because welp (bipolar debt).
Last weekend I didn't wake up, and went in late, they were more nervous I quit and went from there.
Then fuck, it happens again today. I called out and understandably they were pissed off (which I get).
Boss says "wtf get your fucking ass here right now you can not call out" I said I was really sick and simply could not come in. I was too exhausted to even attempt leaving.
I have NEVER called out in my 7 months there and they even said that after trying to apologize about cursing me out.
I told them I've been having really bad health issues that have been affecting me and I think I will be parting with this job to take care of my health.
I was told I am not allowed to quit without more of an explanation than "health issues" then asked if I was on my period........I hung up. They called back.
Then told that the wife is pregnant and they rely so much on me to run the business. They live having me there I'm such a great employee blah blah. Then told after the holidays I could do whatever the fuck I want. Ok
In the 7 months I've been here I've seen over 12-15 employees come and go due to the negative work environment, I was even asked if they did something to make me want to quit.
These people are crazy and I'm scared they will try to contact my other job or something and make things up idk I'm going through extreme paranoia episodes. These people that run this business do not understand life and are out of touch with reality and would surely go out of their way to try and ruin mine if I quit because they are crazy. I have sooooo many current and ex employees that can attest to this.
I am exhausted and want to just focus on my career job that I love to death. It's so wonderful and I need rest I think. I slept from 8pm- 6:30am then 7:30 am-6pm. I'm extremely depressed.
I do not want to even go into this job tomorrow. I'm scheduled very early and am so anxious to even go there. Also this is a new pay period and I've been told that they have tried to not pay other employees that quit.
Idk what to do.
I'm so lost and I am in an extreme depression episode.
I have never quit a job without notice and am scared this will make them come after me.
They are not great people and have looked up where people live to see how close employees live together. Also leave copies of social security cards just in a draw where all employees can get into.
They constantly shift my words and make fun of me.
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self.bipolar
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HR screwed me and they didn’t even buy me dinner So I’m on temp disability from work and they direct deposited my paycheck last Friday as usual, but then they reversed payment on it yesterday without giving me any notice or explanation or anything thereby causing immense financial fuckery for me to deal with on top of my current mental health crisis.
So my rent and utilities checks just bounced and my checking account balance is all the way down to NEGATIVE-$1150 and they “don't know exactly” when I'll get my new check. Fabulous. They also don't seem to feel responsible for the $132 dollars in fines associated with these overdrafts. They’re far more interested in combing over my doctors notes and giving me shit for being on medical leave.
I just applied for SDI this week, and though I am confident I’ll be approved I know I have at least two more weeks of no money before those benefits start paying out. I know I’m lucky to even have options like SDI and FMLA, as well as to be employed, but what a dick move and what terrible timing.
I literally work for the county health department and I feel pretty certain that not a goddamn one of them cares about my health. They just want to get rid of me for not being the little good worker bee and sacrificing my wellbeing for the sake of my work.
I contacted my union rep via email but haven’t heard back in two days, and I don’t want to call because I think I’ll get emotionally worked up. I’m pissed and panicked and offended and I feel backed against a wall financially, and I needed to rant.
Thanks.
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self.bipolar
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Does Anyone Else Feel Like They Deserve the Worst [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I guess I have hypochondria of sorts. How can I think? I have other underlying, probably unidentified disorders below this hypochondria, but I think this worrying is just making everything worse.
Basically, I'll notice a headache, nausea, pale or cold hands, and I'll subconsciously immediately assume that I'm under some sort of threat of death or damage.
When I try to make up a frame against it, I always run into the question, "But what if at some point something's really wrong with my health? Shouldn't I be freaking out?" And my defense just crumbles; I'm very afraid of death.
How can I better accept the sometimes very scary symptoms as just psychosomatic symptoms and not always impending doom?
Share your experiences with hypochondria or health anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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Thinking about killing myself I think about what will happen when I kill myself. My mom will probably sink into depression further and follow me soon by committing suicide herself. My grandma would move to my cousins. Our house will be sold. My stepdad will probably be sad that he doesn’t have a place to live in anymore. A place that he can freely terrorize people. My dogs will probably be killed or sold or be given away.
I’m sad that I might be giving up. That I’m letting my stepdad win. But right now, I don’t want to live.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else feel like they‘re the most talentless loser on this earth? I feel and felt like this for the majority of my life.
I want to do a lot of things but realizing I suck so much at them, I just stop it.
It‘s so maddening to feel like a loser. It‘s like people would be better off without me because since I have nothing to contribute.
Is it normal to feel like you‘re too stupid to aquire skills?
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self.depression
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I WANT TO DIE. I've been keeping this inside me for years and now I've said it out loud. I just want to scream it over and over. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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2018 will be the start of a brand new me but seems scary Happy new year everyone ! :D I wish you all joy, love and success if you haven't found them already haha.
I left 2017 crying and now I just look forward to a new start. I feel like I made shit decisions in 2017 and I feel like I haven't done enough of this year. Highlights ? Attempted to be selected for a competition and got rejected, had an accident and wasted 3 months of my life, traveled to only two places I've never been to on my own with my own money. Did my first ever performance of a sport I've done for 2 years. (Realized it has been 2 years and I didn't make that much progress ugh) Started studying again. Found myself another hobby/passion. Have been vegetarian for a full year. It has been a bit more than one year since I am working full time, since I am living in quite a shit hole but it's okay because I am in such a convenient place. Maybe the hardest to end this year was having lost 3 important people in my life but I guess they made me grow as a person to make 2018 a better year.
This new year, I plan to enter the competition again. I plan to make an awesome cosplay for a convention. If I have the time and not be late to apply, I'd want to sell for the first time ever things I make. I plan to maybe travel somewhere cool and treat myself again (since I can afford more with one less person to spend money on/with). I plan to work hard in class until the end (but realized I'd miss some classes due to holidays ugh). I plan to pass an exam (or exams). I plan to quit my job. I plan to finally experience skydiving (it has been 5 years since I've been offered to, wtf time flies) I plan to travel to another country in another continent for a few months. And study again full time. And go to a dance studio I've been dreaming of going for a while. I plan to meet new people because I've only met 2 people in 2017 lol. I plan to eat healthy and keep my room clean (so my mental state stays good). I plan to become a better person overall and improve myself.
Just will I manage it all ? I have a lot to do and a lot to think about. When it is overwhelming and scary I tend to shut down... aghhhh 2018 is all planned out but still so unpredictable. :( I am kinda lost right now. Tomorrow is already gonna be hard work. I hate deadlines ! Sometimes I wish I could give up from the pressure but honestly I am making all these decisions by myself haha. I hope to not be weak. I am scared to be relying on my parents again. I feel like I am going backwards. I hope to not make the same mistakes from the past :(
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self.offmychest
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My grandma is dying and im a shit person [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I get so hungry after taking seroquel I take seroquel at night and get soooo hungry. I often just binge eat whatever I can in the house till I fall asleep.
Which isn't a huge deal, but I don't think it's the healthiest habit, and it's kinda messing up my circadian rhythms or something. I don't hungry the next day till like 4pm and stuff.
DAE experience this? Should I just try ignoring this hunger?
Tbh I think I just need a higher dose bc on higher doses I actually don't get it as much. Who knows. Seroquel has helped so much and id be afraid to stop.
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self.bipolar
|
Behaved super-weirdly around my crush. I want to get this off my chest. I feel like I need to share this with someone or else it is going to eat me from the inside.
So, there was this girl in my undergraduate class. I had a crush on her. She is amazingly sweet and super friendly. I was too shy to talk to her in college. We both came to the USA to do masters. She is in Texas and I am working in New Jersey. I have been talking to her for a year now. We text often. I really enjoy her company so much. She says things like "If I were in New Jersey I would have cooked you food". "You are so lean, you should eat more!". I can't express in words, how much I love her. She is so sweet to talk to. She genuinely understands what is going on in your life and tries to say things that feel comforting. It's almost as if she can feel other people's pain as her pain. She looks like a kid and behaves like a kid. Every single interaction, I had, she touched my heart. If pushes come to shove. I wouldn't think twice before donating both my kidneys to her! She is too good, too pure for this world :). It hurts to think how much I like her and to think that there is no way in this world I can have her as my girlfriend or my wife. She is way out of my league. Both physically and emotionally. Often I tell her that it surprises me that she talks to an asshole, arrogant, egomaniac like me. And she shouldn't be wasting her time.
She told me that she is coming to New Jersey for the Thanksgiving break and casually says that we should meet. I was having a very shitty week till then and I really badly wanted to meet her. I know meeting her, talking to her would cheer me up. I was very selfish in this regard though. She was here with 8 of her friends and she was literally spending 12 hours a day travelling and sightseeing. I was texting her every day, pestering her to meet me. I do this for 3 days, then I feel super guilty. I tell her that I don't want to turn her vacation into punishment and I tell her that we can meet the next time she is here. She says that she feels bad for ruining my plans and I tell her it isn't so. For the next two days I try my best not to think about her, but on Monday I caved. I text her saying "Is there no way you can meet me, I really badly want to have this dish and none of my friends is willing to come with me". She agrees and we set up a time. She was staying with her friend and in the hurry to meet me, she locks her friend outside the house. So when she meets me, she was already feeling pretty guilty. She also had to travel for 3 hours to visit a casino that her friends wanted to go after meeting with me. It was totally inconvenient for her to meet me.
We meet and until the night ends I don't let her speak completely even once. I wasn't doing it intentionally. I was feeling extremely anxious. She complimented my car, I reply back saying "There is this huge rat *holding out my hands* under this car". She is unable to figure out how to pull the seat of the car back, I keep on talking and I don't help her. She tells me about her internship, I hijack that conversation to explain the project I did for one of the classes. She was talking about a technology I was working on, I interrupt her and talk about my work timings and how I went to work at 2 AM in the morning once -_-. She tells me that she locked her friend out of his house and I say "If you are feeling awkward, you can sleep tonight in my house. There are two rats to keep you company" :|. We order a dish and I wasn't feeling hungry and so I order a box to take home leftovers. I ask her if she wants to have more. She gives a modest reply saying that she is not hungry. Without letting her even finish that sentence, I start shoving food into the box like the cheap-o fucking asshole I am.
We walk back to my car and it was time to drop her. All throughout the route, I keep missing a lot of exists unintentionally. Her friend lives pretty close to Holland Tunnel and when we came close to the tunnel. I just didn't want to drop her, so early. So I act like I took a wrong turn and drive into Holland Tunnel. Now here's the thing that I didn't know. It costs 15$ to drive through Holland tunnel and you have to pay it in cash. You can't pay with a card. The guy at the tunnel tells me that I will receive a ticket and I can still drive through the tunnel. I was like fuck it whatever, I get to spend time with this girl, so I don't care if I get a ticket and I started driving. I always dreamt of the day I drove this girl in my car through New York city. This is a huge milestone in my life. Now she was helping me navigate so far and she kind of feels guilty that I am getting a ticket. Now, instead of consoling her, I tell her that I really wish I don't get any moving violation points along with the ticket. She didn't know what to say and I keep talking about the traffic and how driving makes me nervous. We stop in New York for a while and at this point, even she is starting to understand that I was very nervous. So she proposes that we take a selfie to calm me down. By the way, the night was progressing, I was almost about to cry. I think she knew this too and she shouts, stop making that fucked up face and smile normally(she is smiling when she said this). I look at her and I start smiling too! In that moment I forgot how horrible the night was. We talk some more(again, me talking and behaving super weirdly, and her listening to me) and I finally drop her off at home.
When I pull up into her driveway, she tells me that she wanted to tell me three things. (1) to eat a lot and eat healthily. (2) to drive carefully and then she says that she forgot what the third thing was. I tell her, if it is not important, she can text it to me. She doesn't know how to react and she shakes my hand and leaves. I really wish she would have slapped me hard instead of shaking my hands, but she is too good for that. As I start driving back home, she texts me to see if I reached home safely. I call her up and say "I am close to my home. Good night" and I hang up without letting her talk.
When I reach home, I text her saying "Oyeeee 😊 you are the most sweetest, friendliest, amicable and by far the cutest person I know!!!!!" why the fuck did I call her cute, I have no good damn clue. She is just my friend and I said something completely inappropriate. She brushes it away and says, that I flatter her.
From that day to now, I have texted her a couple of times. She is still talking to me. But I feel soooooooooooo Awkward. I punched the walls of my room soooo many times after I came home... my knuckles still hurt :( How I wish I could be normal around her.
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self.offmychest
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I have a perspective opportunity but I am wasting it writing this. i'm a fucking moron [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Girl I like has anxiety over out relationship I've been talking to this girl for a few weeks and we both like each other and it's been leading toward a relationship, however she has some anxiety about that. She told me that there is this voice in her head that is telling her to end it between us, despite her liking me. She is worried about the commitment it might entail and that she isn't ready for a relationship. Any good tips on what to do? I told her that for now we will take it day by day to take the pressure off her. Anything else I should do? Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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Does depression cause physical pain/problems in the brain? I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I'm pretty sure I have some form of depression that should probably have me on medication. I'm generally pretty emotionless and just go through the motions of life to get by and sustain me.
But recently I've been having problems with dizziness, brain fog, slight vertigo (turning my head quickly, makes me feel dizzy and unpleasant for awhile). I've been having this problem for a couple years now but only recently has it gotten worse. The closest feeling I can relate it to is a bad hangover, you know when you have a bad hangover / and you have that really bad mental fog and everything is spinning and making you feel sick? Well it's not that extreme, but the feeling is there that it's becoming a noticeable problem and I feel like it's getting worse.
I asked for help in the askdoc reddit section and im waiting to hear back from there, but while writing that post I had an idea that maybe this could be linked to depression in some way and I'm reaching out to anyone here who might have experienced this before or could give me some clues on where to look?
Thanks for your input.
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self.depression
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First time spending NYE alone sucks. Didn't think through when I decided to stay in a foreign country for christmas and new year.
I went to watch a movie alone tonight.Good movie, but I feel sad at the same time.
It would be great to chat with someone on reddit chat / irc...
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self.offmychest
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How have those of you with ADHD felt about your antidepressant. I am finding it rather hard to cope with the significantly reduced efficacy of Vyvanse after starting mirtrazipine. ADHD (I've felt) has been one of the main causes of my depression in general, and Vyvanse really has done wonders for my productivity, attention span and study habits, along with just being more satisfied with the things I accomplish. Depression was an issue before Vyvanse, but was still somewhat of an issue after taking it. I have now been on mirtrazipine (now 45mg) for at least 2 months now, and in some ways I am more motivated and happy, but overall I find it even harder to concentrate. I can still take Vyvanse, which helps a good deal, but it does not work nearly as well as taking it without mirtrazipine.
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self.depression
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panic attacks and depersonalization i get that shit everyday and im so scared and tired. someone please talk to me abt it.
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self.Anxiety
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I didn't write our thesis paper. The defense is in 7 hours. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Inability to connect with people makes me feel so alone and isolated. [deleted]
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self.depression
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What happens to 'me' when I commit suicide? I was typing this as a response to another post but felt it would be better to start my own thread instead.
Some background: I'm 27 years old, male, living in the magical land of Canada, eh. My passions in life are music and engineering. I'm also struggling with hardcore depression. Since 13, I've 'known' that 'something' is 'wrong' with me. I never was quite able to fit in. I went to maybe 3 parties throughout grades 7-12. Looking back I can at least admit my part in all that. I went back and forth between being shy and being extroverted. Sometimes I would say or do outrageous things for attention. Things that would be unacceptable to an adult. I've had friends growing up. I hung out with people outside school, more so before grade 9. At the end of grade 8 I thought my group of male friends all hated me when a security guard at the mall confiscated my backpack which had an incriminating video in it of us imitating "Jackass" the show. They made it seem like I was 100% to blame, and even though our parents weren't even called (let alone police), the event scarred me and led me to believe that everyone hated me. Looking back, they were maybe mad for a day. I basically clammed up in grade 9, and found it hard to have conversations with anyone (especially in group settings). I also realised I'm attracted to my own gender around that time. People were very nice at my school, but my own anxiety fucked everything up for me anyways. I quit grade 12 in February 2008, and no one even cared. I realised I had no friends. I realised it was no one else's fault, and therefore it had to be mine. 17 at the time, this is when suicidal thoughts started creeping into my mind. Even though I was considered 'smart' since I was a toddler speaking perfect sentences, I felt like a failure since I couldn't seem to have what I wanted most: friends. I entered the minimum wage workforce at 17 years old in September. I realised that I thought a lot of people are actually really stupid (especially since I was working in retail). People would complain about my 'attitude' at times, yet no one took my common sense complaints seriously (like keeping deli sandwich bread covered so it doesn't get crusty for customers, or rinsing hot pans covered with wing sauce so I don't have to maniacally scrub them later, my boss was a bitch). I saw the world as it is: unjust. Rightly so. And I am always aware of how unjust it can get, not just for me, but others. I sometimes let news stories get to me too. Since 21 years old I was officially diagnosed with depression. My depression mostly revolves around my own perceived inadequacies, but world news plays its part if I let it (fuck Trump). Fast forward to now, and I have 3 years of university under my belt, studying mechanical engineering. I stopped my schooling last January as the pressure was piling on, along with my habit of procrastination and apathy. I tried killing myself April 1, 2017. It failed. In December I deleted a bunch of people off Facebook, including university friends who never once reached out to me after I quit school (temporarily quit, I hope).
Now here I am. Typing this all out. The suicidal thoughts are still here, today, this second. They run around like wild monkeys in my mind: "You are worthless!" "No one wants to be your friend or hang around with you!" "You can't even finish a degree!" "You don't have a job!" "You're a waste of society's resources!" "There are countless people who are smarter than you!" "Just do it! No one will care, in fact, they will be relieved to be rid of you!" "Everyone laughs about you when you aren't around!" "Even God hates you!!!"
Those are my legitimate thoughts. And there's many more I haven't listed. But you get the idea.
So, what do I do? What do I know, and what do I not know?
I am very well aware that: I am lucky. Period. Some people look at me and think I'm some kind of genius. I have a tight-knit family. Without my family, I would certainly be on the streets or dead (or worse). I have a best friend who loves me unconditionally.
What I don't know: what happens after death. People have ideas, but all we know is that the other person's body will decompose when the person dies. We don't know what we 'ourself' will experience when our own body dies.
I believe in reincarnation, since I can't imagine an eternity of non-experience (meaning no sensations including light/color, no thoughts, no hot/cold, no sense of time passing, no sense of self), I have to conclude that there is experience after the self's temporary body dies. And experience is life. Life is experience. The question is then, what will the 'I' that leaves the body experience. Will I be immediately reborn? Will I get to stay in a resting area? What decisions are up to 'me' (the soul)? Will I be a human again? Will I choose to whom I am born? Will I be a bacteria in a worm's gut at the bottom of the sea? Will I have to live a million animal lifetimes just to try my luck at the human thing again? I don't know.
I don't believe in hell. Who would be running hell for all eternity, with fire and brimstone and flaying of skin? But, in a way, the idea of living in the animal world for a long time terrifies me. Sure, once I'm reborn as a deer I'm not aware that being a deer sucks from a human point of view, since I'm just a deer. But, the idea of having my flesh ripped away by a predator, millions of times over millions of animal lives, from my human point of view, sucks.
tl;dr: Even with my gifts, it's not enough to stop me from attempting suicide or thinking about it. It's my uncertainty on what happens next, to the fundamental 'I'. Will 'I' be punished for creating a situation for my family and friend to grieve about? Will 'I' be put in a worse situation than the one I am in?
At least at this point in my life, I can look back and reflect on my mistakes. I've realised my social shortcomings, and I've learned how to at least function normally in social settings. To people who don't know me well I probably seem normal and content. I feel bad deleting my friends on Facebook. They were genuinely good to me and I feel like I ruined perfectly good relationships over a hunch that they all "secretly hate me".
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm just a shell of my former self. An exhausted shadow. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't function socially. Every memory of me trying to interact with people makes me want to punch something. I'm so filled with rage that I haven't slept. This post might be word vomit and I'm sorry. I haven't slept in a while. I have asperger's and avoidant personality disorder. I absolutely hate myself and I'm not cut out to function in the real world. Every day on my campus is unbearable. I'm a joke of a human being. I shouldn't be allowed to leave the house. I hate myself so much. I remember every embarassing moment I've caused and it creates this ball of rage in my stomach. I started self-harming again due to this. I've created a massive burn on my lower leg and it's so bad that I think it's caused muscle damage that makes it difficult to walk on it. I'm a walking disappointment. I wish that a car would run me over. I'm so sorry for existing and I wish that I had the courage to kill myself. I wish that I could stay in bed forever so I didn't have to subject the world to my absolute joke of a personality. I'm sorry to everyone who's had the misfortune of talking to me. I hate my personality so much. I can't fucking function. I hate the world but more than that I hate myself. I'm a horrible human being.
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self.depression
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It's just existence at this point. I'm alive but I'm not living, if that makes sense. It's the same thing every day. Wake up. Feed my cat. See my boyfriend off to work. Work out. Shower. Lay in bed for the rest of the day. Repeat. I love my cat to death. I think she's the only thing keeping me here. I'm not living, I'm just existing day to day. I'm not actively trying to die but if a car killed me while I was crossing the road I'd be okay with it.
Everything is just so... mundane. It sucks. I used to have so many dreams. I wanted to be a soldier, a doctor, a historian, I wanted to travel the world, learn new languages, make a difference. Somewhere along the way I became cynical. I don't find beauty in the things I used to. The world isn't full of possibilities, it's full of ugly people with ugly intentions.
I miss being hopeful.
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self.SuicideWatch
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If your friend thinking about killing themselves, would you want to know? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm incredibly depressed. I'm sleeping 12-16 hours a day and I cannot for the life of me eat more than a few hundred calories at a time and I keep telling myself, "if this is how life is, if I struggle this much this often, why don't I just kill myself?" The thought of "kill yourself, kill yourself" just keeps looping through my head. Constantly. I'm tempted to take two of my Cymbalta to make it stop, instead of my normal 1 30mg. I have no energy. They've done test after test at the doctors and can't find any reason for it.
My boyfriend is incredibly depressed too and it's making me wonder if I'm in a toxic relationship. He has BPD (borderline) and has lately been accusing me of not appreciating him, not caring for him, etc. It's making me even more depressed--I adore him, how could he say these things to me? He's angry that all I want to do after class and work is sleep. I don't know what he expects me to do (besides sex, I do have sex with him regularly). I don't want to end it because I adore him. But it's sincerely making me wonder.
I just want to fucking function. And be somewhat happy. Is that too much to fucking askfor? What is with this disease?!!!!
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self.bipolar
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The Future doesn't Exist for Me This is probably weird, but has anyone ever felt like they should've been dead by now? I don't fully feel like I should've lived this long, and I don't believe I'll live much longer. It puts me in a weird position in day-to-day life as family asks about me doing things like getting a flu shot or a haircut. It's all a waste of time and resources and effort; not worth concern they might be giving it.
 
...I don't know, I guess it just feels like my time to go....at some times more so than others
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self.depression
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Angry at boyfriend for no reason I have major depressive disorder. I'm going through an episode. But this time I seem to be getting really mad at my boyfriend for seemingly no reason... he hasn't done anything wrong I've just been so frustrated with his existence lately but I don't want to be without him... this scares me and I want to stop feeling angry at him and go back to feeling nothing but love for him. Help?
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self.depression
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Every day I'm getting closer and closer And anyone who knows this about me just keeps reminding me how upset my little brother would be. And then I can't do it.
But I think about it non stop. By best friend just broke up with me "but still loves me and wants to be friends" and that's been the icing on this nightmare cake.
I can't do this anymore. The only things I have to do this with are razors and xanax. But I've been told xanax won't do it. I'll look for better options. This has to stop though.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I Just Want To Disappear Fuck it! Fuck this illness! Fuck it all! Been off my meds now for a couple days.... The system wants me to work, but will make my medication that I need to function so expensive that I have no choice but to skip doses... Now I can't sleep, and I don't know how the hell I am going to be able to go to work. I am supposed to go in in the morning. Tonight I almost had a full fledge panic attack because I CAN'T TAKE IT! I CAN'T DO IT! Why can't I be normal. Is it so wrong for me to want to be able to function without having to swallow pills down every morning..... I love my husband and daughter, but sometimes I wonder if they would be better off without me.....
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self.bipolar
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Feeling like a burden I’ve been feeling like a burden recently, I’ve been in a mixed state recently. It’s been really hard on my SO. I feel like he would be better off without me, without having to worry about if I’m going to make it through the night. Every day is getting harder and I don’t know what to do. Seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, and looking into the possibility of me also having OCD.
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self.bipolar
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Excited to die Posted before saying my plans. My pre determined date draws nearer & my anticipation is overwheming! Im more excited for this day then i am for christmas haha. Some family knows & friends know. They're not so thrilled about it but hey, the world keeps turning either way. Have divided up belongings & personal items to be given to close people based on what has meaning & is most relevant to them & our relationship/friendship. Unfortunately got myself in a situation with no escape which has rendered me a life not worth living. Just too much to ask of a human being. Trying to enjoy my last month..ish but has proven to be impossible. I'm only happy thinking about how i get to finally leave the living hell that is my existence. I am excited to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
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It Is Such A Difficulty To Deal With Not Having The Affection You Need I'm always wrong. I'm too weak. Where is my dignity? Where is my wisdom?
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self.offmychest
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Why can't I turn it off? I had an LSD experience a while back that really has been resonating with me recently. Whenever things get really stressful, I remember this vision/scenario thing from a bad trip. I was sitting in a movie theatre watching my own life on the screen. When the movie got progressively worse, I decided it was time to shut it off, but there was no remote. One of my friends later said that I was just repeating "why can't I turn it off?!" Over and over until he gave me a Xanax to calm me down.
I feel this way now. It's like I realize that life is all just some silly little projection that we are supposed to value for some reason. Why would it really matter if I shut off the show? When life gets really bad, I just have a realization that none of this really matters. It's just arbitrary noise. It provides a sense of liberation from this living nightmare that I'm living in.
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self.depression
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How do you practice meditation with extremely high and severe anxiety? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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To the social media morons who still haunt me today When I was eighteen (currently 21), I did something very very stupid - essentially committing social suicide in front a lot of (150+) people. At that point, little did I know I actually had a mental illness which caused me to act the way I did.
I would like to say a massive thank you to the absolute fuckers who made my life a living hell on social media. I had to deactivate everything and for the longest time, I was scared. Scared of having Facebook, Twitter and the like. Having death threats hurled at me for something I had done out of sheer stupidity - what I did wasn't even hurtful, rude or offensive, rather just a simple expressing huge emotions at the wrong time. I honestly wanted to pour paint stripper over a couple of their cars, torch houses, or something similar for revenge. Thinking back, I should've broken the guys jaw but I wasn't a confrontational person (still not that type). Thankfully, I was talked out of it and, for the most part, I had given up thinking about this whole situation.
For a year, I was fine. Didn't think about it - and then boom I had all these thoughts about what happened. I had to go through all my backups and delete pictures and stuff (and even a video of what happened) - literally to an OCD extent to rid anything that could remind me of it. In the early days, I was scared of what was out there about me on the internet - and about two years later, I searched up as many people as I could to see what had been said. A couple had put out stupid pictures of me, a few names. Relatively minor - but the damage was far worse. It still remains on the internet (my full name was mentioned) but that's not the issue I have anymore - although the fear of someone randomly getting bored and targetting me again, three years later, remains.
Simple triggers still get to me. Having some digits of a new bank account correspond to a username of someone who hurled abuse at me is literally, right now, playing on my mind. Something as simple as three digits together at the start of a bank account number?! How did it ever get to this?
But, just as the internet caused this, I come to the internet in order to let it out.
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self.offmychest
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Pettiness Depression has brewed a nasty pettiness in me. Since I blame depression for ruining my life, in particular my youth, I seemed to have turned into a cynical and bitter middle aged person who begrudges young people simply because they are young.
I am at odds with all the the young people at work - they know I dislike them, they dislike me in equal shares if not more, and they are smug in their understanding that I am jealous because I did not make it and I ran out of time and steam.
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self.depression
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Reading and listening to music and stupid podcasts is all that makes me happy. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Hope I have very little hope that I will eventually get back to feeling normal. It seems like I'm anxious every morning and night. I hope I do not suffer like this for the rest of my life, but I fear that might be the case. I'm terrified of the future and what it brings, I just want to be okay.
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self.Anxiety
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Today I understood what "I can't take this /go on anymore" means, and I'm totally alone with it I've said that many times. In panic attacks, depression fits, low points, after traumas, after people hurting me deliberately, after doing too much to please people and still getting rejected... And I still always continued. Often wondering how and why.
Today it hit me. Those words don't mean "I'll stop existing", "I'll stop being anything", anything of sorts. They don't mean I'll off myself or hurt myself (most of the time).
They mean that I will survive and get through with what ever is going on BUT I will lose a tiny bit of myself, yet again. I imagined that my soul and heart and being are made of cogs and gears, inside my chest. And each time I say those words and am in such situation, a tiny piece of a cog is being grinded off.
I already have many cogs in me that are almost smooth. Loving myself -cog. Compassion cog. Hope. Belief in finding love. And so many more. And I'm alone with this realization. Just as I've been on those moments, left buy lovers, friends, family, even therapists. Being torn apart just a tiny bit, yet again.
I've sat alone whole day today, watching shows I don't want to see, eating things I don't want to eat, hurting inside and outside, because I can't find a shrapnel of point in even trying anything else anymore. That cog is smooth. And I just wanted to share, so that maybe someone somewhere notices me even for a minute.
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self.depression
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i am afraid of going to a psycologist and take his medicaments. i am afraid of getting addicted to antidepressants, xanaxes, pills, anything he says me to take if i ever step there.
i know i need serious help, but i just cant. i am through a moment of my life that i said to myself after watching It 2017 that the things i had fear once werent real, like ghosts, sound of footsteps at home. but this one, i just cannot... i feel i'll get addicted to his medication and become a zombie person (not like an actual zombie that eats brains or this movie shit, more like a person that is only present on person, is not thinking rationally and not acting consciously).
i have always been a lone person since i was 13. now i'm 18 and i don't have friends or a girlfriend like someone normal has. i think i developed something still unknown to me that makes me not trust anyone that wasn't with me since i was a child. people say that they "are my friends", but i don't trust them, i bet they talk bad things about me on my back and always have a plan to shame me infront of everybody. it must be paranoia or something, i never actually stopped to search about this.
come on, why cant i be a normal person? i have some material things (ps3, 49'' non-smart tv television on my bedroom, gaming pc, those things arent really worthy for you all americans or europeans that are reading this, but people here in brazil really envy those who have some good things), i have my parents together and alive, they love me, yet i cant feel happy, i feel always empty, nothing really matters.
i dont know what to do. things on my emotional part started to downfall back in october.
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self.offmychest
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I need help waiting I realized Friday I was seriously depressed and need professional help because me or my wife just don't have the tools to deal with this. So Friday around 4pm I left me info with a local health system and they said they would have an appointment setter call me back to set an appointment. I thought this was a bit odd but I waited. Today I didn't get a call though. I know part of depression is negative thinking but I can't help but jump to they're not going to call me. What if the lady heard my name, knows me and doesn't like me so she never submitted my info.... I've researched some places and really think this center is where I should go because they don't mention spirituality on their website and they have both psychologists and psychiatrists but I'm having a hard time with just waiting for someone to set an appointment. I wander why the lady I gave my info to couldn't make the appointment for me. I wander how long it will take to set the appointment. I wander how long I'll have to wait before my actual appointment. I wander how long in to treatment will it take for me to get better. I just want to be better. End of rant. Thanks for being here for me.
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self.depression
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What did you say at your first doctors appointment? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Can't sleep - Chest Pain Think I'm in the midst of a panic attack. I don't know, I feel like I can't catch a full breath. I breathe but I don't get the satisfactory deep breathe at the very end where you can feel your lungs fill down to the very tip. As I lie in bed and I start to sleep I quickly awake as if though I'm closing my eyes for good. Not really sure how to calm myself down. I keep breathing, I count, I address my concerns, but I can't shake it.
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self.Anxiety
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I just need somewhere to put my feelings into words... I was told I need to talk, let others in, but that’s so hard to do. I am trying though.
Last few weeks have been really hard for me, much harder than I’m use to. It has gotten to the point where I had to take medical leave from work to cope with the chaos in my head. I have never said out loud that I stuffer from depression, or really told anyone how I am feeling. It’s something that I’ve always dealt with alone, but I think my family knew/knows something is wrong. When they ask, I say I am fine, put how I am feeling under lock and key and spend rest of the day behind a thin hazy shield. People can see in, but they can’t really tell what’s going on. That’s how I’ve been living my life for the past few years.
People try to find ways past that shield, but all I do is withdraw from everyone and everything. I’ve lost so many friends on this path, many that tried countless times to reach me, but I wasn’t in that space yet, I’m still not in that space.
I know what I am doing, but I can’t seem to stop. The friends I have left can be counted on 3 fingers, but barely.... Not only that, I keep my family at a distance. I answer when I’m supposed to, I laugh at the right places and I’ve even train myself to keep smiling ( not too bright now, or they’ll know) when all I want to do is cry. I’m good daughter, good sister and good aunt... Playing those roles keeps me functioning, keeps me going, makes me want to wake up the next day...?
Have you ever had days, where your mind is completely blank, dead quiet? Those days are scary, because anything can happen. Then you have those days that you are smiling on the outside, but you’re literally screaming on the inside? Those days make wants to break down and cry for hours. Or days when your mind is sooo noisy, it makes you shake and you’re terrified and afraid of what you might do to yourself?... Lately, I find myself writing help me, in random places.
I’ve been off work for about 1 week now. I have come to terms with the fact that I really need help, serious help. I’ve tried taking my life once and recently seriously considered it. I’ve day dreamed about it so many times, of the ways that I can go out.... The only thing that’s keeping on this side is my family, I don’t want to hurt them. Mainly, my mom.
I’ve been put on meds and I’ll seeing a counselor once a week to help me through this. I was told I need to start doing things again ( I only go to work and go back home and I’m mainly always by myself), things that I enjoyed. I’m thinking about maybe, expressive dancing? If that’s a thing.
Tonight I recognize that I was sliding into that mindset where my thoughts start to run, so I took my meds and came here and place my thoughts and feelings here.
Forgive me for the lengthy post,
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self.depression
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Finally feel better today! After 3 days of almost constant crying I thought today was going to be just as shitty. I woke up and went and started having glasses of wine. I have never done this before but I thought fuck it why does it even matter. After I got drunk I started watching judge Judy on YouTube. Something changed watching her lay everything out so plain and simple. I got up after drinking feeling shitty for 3 hours and actually cleaned my kitchen. I took my dog outside and went snow shoeing. Then I got high and painted. Made noodles and here I am. I feel like the fog has lifted. I hope it lasts.
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self.depression
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Anyone else wonder what life without depression would be like? Sometimes I get small glimpses into the good stuff, but I wonder what its actually like functioning without this disease. I feel like I've made progress getting a job, doing volunteer work, going to gym, playing instruments and deciding to go to social stuff, but somedays It feels like I'm at square one waiting for me to just jump off a bridge already. It sometimes feels like I'm forcing myself to like stuff, to think that my life isn't that bad, and that I can be happy. I wonder what it feels like just being, not trying, just at peace, not some tortured soul prying myself out of a deep hole.
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self.depression
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Scared of STD Hello,
I had never done this before.
I made a huge error in judgement 3 weeks ago I met someone at a shady store and we mutually masterbated. He touched his genitals and touched mine and I touched his after words with our hands that's it. I developed jock itch 3 days later after meeting him according to the immediate care dr i went to. Probably from the frequent sweating and stressing.
I've never had Jock itch before. About a week later I was scared so I went to another dr who said the diagnosis was accurate. The week after I went back because I was still nervous and semi itchy.
The itch started to go away last weekend but then I woke up with pain in my penis so I started pulling looking for bumps and saw a small red bump he said it was an irratated folicle I immediately went to a derm and moving and constantly tugging. now I have random sharp pain at the tip of my penis. So, I went back and asked for tests yesterday because the pain started and was constantly there. Now the pain has went away and I keep thinking I have herpes syphilis or crabs but I'm just nervous. I've been reading up on every symptom I have a mild swelling in my throat.
and I keep tugging and checking. How do I know I don't have herpes after 3 weeks of exposure? The Dr said there's no reason for a test since there's no lumps. Every Doctor has said it's nothing and jock itch takes awhile sometimes to go away and there's no way I got anything and if I did it would have shown it's symptoms by now and WebMD is the enemy. sorry for the run on sentence I can't focus on anything properly.
My other question how do I move on from this?
Everyday I wake up or do anything I fear of a new symptom or STD. I can't focus at work or at home everything is just what is the new symptom of my potential STD that isn't there.
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self.Anxiety
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I have just realized that my recent impulsive nature was just me masking the desire to suicide. Now that ive realized this i am no longer impulsive and now constantly thinking about suicide. I was hoping my happy mood would last a little longer...
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self.depression
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I don't know what to do after today. I failed another class in college. Studied for 20+ hours on the test. All my friends passed. I can't afford to do this. I'm bleeding money, my hobby costs money... It's all just too much to deal with right now.
I wish I never went back to school.. None of my friends care.
I have so many other things going to too... Not even sure if I'm depressed or if it's just how life is now.
Only reason I'm still here is my girlfriend who's stronger than I'll ever be.
Parents don't give a damn other than them thinking I'll go to hell if I kill myself.
I just want off the ride. Every thing I do is a climb back up before I get kicked in the face by life and my friends leave me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What's the point? What keeps you, extremely depressed people, from commiting a suicide?
I, personally, think the reason i'm still alive is my parents. The only people who love me and care about me. And that's kinda ironic, because i seem to be the meaning of their lives (at least for my mother).
I am 26, have no friends, never had a gf and i don't even have people to talk to. Sometimes i think i can't even talk to people, i just can't keep a conversation going. And this makes me totally sure that i'll never make friends or get a so.
What is my life? A treadmill of 9-5 low-paid job with dubious prospects (especially taking into account my almost permanent depression). The pay is barely enough to pay bills, gas, buy some food, and sometimes get new clothes (when old wear out).
I stay home in the evenings wasting meager free hours left to me browsing shit on the internet. When i feel ok i can play some piano or read some books. In the weekends i do the same, but also home duties like washing, cleaning and other shit like that. I never go out.
And i don't see any changes will ever come. I can see my future life as if it's drawn on a sheet of paper. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. Then fucking die. Like death is a reward you have to earn.
If i can't enjoy my life at least for 75% of the time i am awake, then why would i want to live it at all? Especially that i barely enjoy 20% of it at this point (and chances are, the proportion is not going to change for years, even decades). What's the point?
I feel like a fucking robot, iterating the same fucking algorithm over and over again. I don't feel alive, i'm already dead inside.
At this point i can only dream of sudden and fast death from some accident (like getting the skull crushed by a big ass icicle/brick falling from a tall building) or that some fatal illness consumes me (in that case i'll have an excuse for taking my own life).
And what keeps you alive?
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self.depression
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