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To the girl who complimented my aura... I have no idea what that really means, but that doesn't really matter. You were *genuinely* nice. Thank you for that. It's been a long time since that's happened. I've been depressed and probably suicidal (sometimes it's hard to tell) for a long time now, and the fact that you really seemed to care and took the time to say something meaningful (even if I don't quite understand it) has more than made my day. I can't stop smiling.
Thank you for that, complete stranger.
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self.offmychest
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Dumb depressed trick - play podcasts on half speed. Just recently did it by accident. I listen to science and tech. So, hearing them talk in 1/2 speed somehow makes me laugh every time.
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self.bipolar
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Not feeling great of course, that’s why I’m here. I’m not too great at titles. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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For the first time a peer of mine passed away. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
There are times i dont want to exist There are times I want to turn on and off when I exist. When I'm depressed and forced to be in situation I'd rather not exist then exist when it's all over. I don't wanna die I just don't want to be here.
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self.depression
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I just got diagnosed with depression and I don't know how to deal with it. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
How do I control my emotions better? Now that my panic has finally subsided I would like some tips on how I could prevent something like this ever again.
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self.Anxiety
|
So... I'd be Bipolar Type I? That's not what I expected. I asked my pdoc about which type he thought I had. And that was his answer. Though he did say it was difficult to know exactly.
I always thought mania was like doing crazy things and feeling great, beyond hypomania. Well, I feel incredible and want to be on top of the world like climbing buildings. Is it what mania is? I went from being "pure" to drinking, smoking pot and taking drugs. But I don't know, was it THAT crazy? So to have a clearer picture of the episode, can I ask how is your mania like?
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self.bipolar
|
When did sadness turn to depression ? At what point does just being sad, just being moody, just having a bad day turn into depression ? I feel like I am depressed now, but I can't point to when it became what it is. I can't figure out what led to it. Even now when I think on a good day, I feel like I am exaggerating what I feel. I need someone to tell me whether or not I am depressed. Have any of you felt this confusion ?
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self.depression
|
I'm tired but can't sleep Right now i am lying in bed. I am tired and just want to sleep. But i can't. My mind keeps me awake with all those "What if?"s. Or past mistakes. Or me trying to justify to myself why i am such a terrible example of a human being and that my depression i just a poor excuse that i made up to not have that truth.
In those moments, when i am lying in my bed listening to those thoughts on my head, i wish i could just start again from scratch. Just have this magic button to rest my whole life and do it right this time.
And in this very moment my mind is telling me that if i keep being on my phone that i am never gonna fall asleep. Which is true but it's not like i will fall asleep if would put it down now.
Ugh. The urge to delete all of this and forget about it is building up in me so I'm just gonna hit post now and stop rambling about my idiotic problems.
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self.depression
|
gf out of town, feeling really bad right now My gf is gone for the weekend and I just felt so depressed today.
A girl friend called and asked if she could come over for some drinks and I felt kinda better.
But then she cancels last minute...
Now I feel even worse.
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self.depression
|
I sincerely hate falling so hard for people, I wish I could switch it off Honestly man I can’t be bothered with this. It only gets worse as I get older. I’ve always been a bit of a romantic, I fall for girls really easily. When I was about 15 I crushed on a girl in my class for 2 months and never so much as spoke to her because it was simply too scary. I had those high school crushes where I just find some person and fall instantly cause of how utterly insanely good they seem to look, and I’d be way too damn scared to even look in their direction.
But those aren’t the worst. Nah, they always faded eventually. Worse than that is the first time you fall for a person, not just a face. It’s only happened to me twice, but both times totally derailed whatever else was going on in my life and left me thinking only of them. For me it’s been people I might not even have glanced at twice before. But for some reason you’re forced to know them. School, work, whatever. And slowly you realise you love being around them. It creeps up on you and you don’t even realise it. You start to miss them a little when they’re not there, you smile thinking about funny shit you’ve went through together.
And then the moment comes when it stops being some creeping, unknowable thing at the back of your head. Something happens. They smile at you. They laugh extra had at something you say. They open up to you. Something so simple happens and it just hits you like a fucking train. All those feelings are right there in front of you now, you have no idea how you didn’t see how amazing this person was the full time. And now you’re fucked. Well and truly fucked, cause they’re all your gonna think about for a long time.
For me so far it’s went two ways, neither successful. The first time it hit me so hard I didn’t know what to do. I very awkwardly tried to keep talking to this girl, hoping something would change. But I was forcing it, I was just trying to do SOMETHING for the sake of it. I was trying to make her like me when we were barely even friends. Eventually I told her how I feel, and she didn’t feel the same, and it fucking sucked, but I think deep down I always knew it wouldn’t happen. So I moved on after a while.
And then a few months after I was at a party. I see that girl again. She tries to talk to me, but as we’re talking I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. I turn around and it’s a good friend from work who I didn’t even know was gonna be here. She excitedly dragged me away and said ‘we need to have a dance together’. And as she dragged me away from a girl who a few months earlier was all I thought about, I realised I was perfectly fine with it. In fact, really happy. Insanely happy.
And then it hit me again. The exact same fucking feeling. I’d been chasing after some girl who didn’t really care that much, and here was this girl right in front of me who genuinely liked being around me and I got along so well with. I tried to ignore it, because fuck ever getting hurt and rejected again. I tried talking to her less for months. But that didn’t work. It’s like it was fuelling us to get closer, and closer, and closer. I tried to ignore how I felt, but she was just pulling me back in. The feeling has only grown stronger, probably the strongest I’ve felt for anyone. We went from ‘work friends’ to best friends who hang out a shit ton and talk constantly. Every time we hang out I’m more and more into her. The kicker this time is she has a boyfriend. And here I am, best friends with a girl who simply doesn’t see me that way. I can’t even get the closure I got the first time cause telling her how I feel would just cause a huge drama. The first time I done it it was to a girl who would have just saw it as some kind of cute but unimportant side event in her life. This time it’s with a girl who actually values me in her life and who I’m insanely close with. Telling her would potentially ruin that, make work awkward, and cause drama with her boyfriend. I just have to bottle it up, but it’s fucking eating me away and it’s absolute torture.
I just wish I could stop feeling so strongly for girls, falling so fucking hard out of nowhere. Like does it ever stop? I feel like I fall harder and harder for girls as I get older. I’m in fucking college and I can’t even concentrate on anything cause this girl’s all I think of. And whatever happens between us, I know it’s probably just gonna happen again somewhere down the line. It’s a vicious cycle man, and I wish I could just get out it until I meet someone it will actually work out with.
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self.offmychest
|
I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life I’ve been a loner for pretty much half of my life anyway. I’ve never really had any romantic relationships, I don’t really have any friends, and I don’t see any of this changing. Ever. Everyone is finding their significant others while I’m seemingly stuck in my life. I can’t live my life like this. I’m managing at the moment, but it’s only a matter of time before I will no longer be able to cope with the solitude.
This sucks. The jealousy I feel towards people who aren’t alone and are happy is all too real. I despise that feeling, but I cannot deny its existence. Fuck you to that feeling and fuck you to everyone who is happy and are only rubbing it in my face(I don’t actually mean the latter one).
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self.offmychest
|
Do you list depression as a medical concern for university/college applications? I feel like my situation surrounding this question needs to be stated in order to get the most helpful advice, so here goes:
I am 19, turning 20. I was admitted into a top business school right after my high school graduation and attended. This year, I dropped out of university due to failing grades which were caused by a combination of a whole lot of things. Mainly due to loneliness and my already present depression getting out of hand. I will not lie, business is not my choice of study and I do not enjoy it one bit but it is something I need to do right now in my life (family pressures linked to safety and survival).
Right now, I am back in my home country (Singapore) currently reapplying for universities. All the applications so far includes a section for physical/mental health concerns to inform the university about.
While studying at my previous university, I have both counselor reports and medical reports of my depression along with medication prescription notes. Therefore, if I choose to state my depression, supporting it would not be much of a problem.
The problem is, is it wise to state depression as medical concern, given the following:
* Most of the schools word the section to seem like the health concerns are stated so they can accommodate for students.
* Singapore is in Southeast Asia and the stigma surrounding mental illness is quite strong
* My parents are unaware of my medical health and have a negative view on depression in general
On one hand, listing depression may help explain my poor performance and frame it as a point to grow from. On the other hand, it may show universities that I am incapable of carrying a heavy course load and may be seen as "lazy".
P.S. Please also note that I am pursuing a full time bachelor degree and while I can see how stupid it is to pursue a study I despise, it would really help to refrain from commenting things such as "just follow your dreams!" or "don't do business then" or "don't listen to what your parents say". I am well aware of my situation and can assure you this is the best way for me to survive and live by at the time being.
TLDR;
Do I state my depression in my applications if I have supporting documents? Would it be a smart or dumb move, and why?
If you've read it this far, thanks a lot.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else feel bad for not having a real reason to be depressed? I've been depressed a long time, all over cause I can't get a girlfriend. I know thats the dumbest reason to be depressed but it truly causes me a lot of grief. I have a friend though who suffers from depression but in a smaller scale, who has real problems. His own ambitions can't be pursued because his family literally can't take care of themselves. His mom is a dumpster fire with money, so he normally has to find a way to the pay the rent for 4 people by himself.(I think thats a lot on a 21 year old). But I see people with problems like this and aren't depressed at all. And I'm just here being a little whiny baby cause I want a girl to give me a pitty hug.
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self.depression
|
Unsatisfied I'm really sick of my anxiety. It's leaving me really unsatisfied. I don't have friends, my only social life is at home, I'm too scared to get a job, I don't participate in clubs/extra curriculars, etc.
I constantly think about what I'm missing out on and even when I try to make an effort to fix my situation it just gets worse. Sometimes I'll have moments where, for example, I think maybe playing an online game would help. But as soon as I join I get anxious and end up not playing the game again out of fear and paranoia. I just feel so lonely.
It's been causing me physical symptoms these last couple months. My hair is thinning, I'm breaking out with acne, I have bowel issues, and a high resting heart rate.
I'm also having more mental symptoms. I have triggers where I need to touch things a certain amount of times, if I scratch one side of my body I need to do it on the other side in the exact same place with the same pressure, or other things like that. I also have paranoid thoughts. I'm constantly worried that something bad is going to happen. This connects to the triggers, since I say to myself that if I don't do them within a certain amount of time "I'll hurt myself," "my family will be hurt," etc, even though in the back of my mind I know that would never happen.
I'm just stuck right now and don't know what to do. I know the best solution would be to go to a therapist, but it made me more stressed when I went 2 years ago and I'm scared of that happening again.
I was hoping that someone may have some tips for me to cope if they've also gone through this. Even if not just having someone else know how I'm feeling is nice.
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self.Anxiety
|
A sad life. Hi everybody. I’m just posting here because I feel like my life is not getting any better. Worse yet, when I returned to my apartment from my vacation, I knew that my roommate had a girlfriend but then saw his cousin and that he had a girlfriend as well and it hit me again and made me feel sad instantly. Like rock hard instantly. Not only that, one of my closest friends who goes to the university with me also has a girlfriend. (And you would think some girl out there out of 7 billion people on this earth would actually find the courage to like me? Nope. Not even close. I bet 99.9% of all girls on Earth are taken at this point. I know because it happens to me, time and again. I always find a girl that ends up being taken. It’s EVERY TIME.)
I’m a guy who RARELY goes out at all because I’m mostly nervous around people and sometimes, I do become shy (which is why I’m not a ladies man or someone who’s willing to go talk to a girl whenever I see one outside or in a public setting). Whenever I’m done with class, I just go straight to my room, lock myself up and stay locked up for as long as I can (I only get out to eat and do laundry) for fear of embarrassment, uncomfortableness and even more sadness, when my life is already embarrassing and pathetic enough.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m twice faster and closer to death on purpose. I feel like my life is becoming more meaningless by the day and that I really don’t see my life getting any happy anytime soon. It’s been this way for a long time, but it’s hitting me very hard now especially since I’m in college attending the University of Florida.
Not only that, I don’t have much of a support system. Even if I do, it’s not very good. I’m about to cry as I’m still typing this. And it’s only just my first week back from winter break.
I’m scared, truly lonely and just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m afraid that taking rehab or anything similar won’t help me or just make it worse.
I just don’t see life like other folks and I may be different, but that doesn’t make me any less deserving to have a girl or anything in life. Yet, I feel like that’s what’s happening to me and that I have voices that make me feel bad or worse than it already is. It also gets harder worse every time.
I don’t deserve it anymore. I know you guys do, but not me. Don’t even bother trying to help because it won’t. I’ll just stay locked up, get all my emotions out and just cry until I can finally live in peace and no longer live on this planet called Earth.
Nobody will care about me (like legit seriously care) until I’m gone and it’s too late. They’ll pretend but they really won’t.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Involuntary shouting, growling, whining, laughing and a strong urge to scream and punch things, and restlessness at bedtime. Been happening to me for years now. I've had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life. I feel like old "junk" might be coming up from the past. Anyone experience this?
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self.Anxiety
|
Wrote a 21 song Album in 10 days...hypomania for the win. My school is suffering hard now, but I can't quit writing music. Here's a track I finished late last night.
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0qf0Cw4WytT
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self.bipolar
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I feel conflicted over having "snitched" on my spouse. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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An update on my ECT experiences I posted a while back about ECT and what it has done for me and to me.
I am in Maintenace right now, which means I get plugged in once a month. Oh by the way, I hope that my joking attitude about this topic does not be taken for levity. I deal with pain by laughing about it, which has gotten me suspended from work (more to that on another post.)
So far, I have experienced no memory loss to my knowledge. I was hoping that they could wipe the memories of the past 3 years or so, but no such luck 😉.
I still respond to it, although since having lamictal added to my cocktail, they have bumped up the juice a bit. This is important because lamictal is an anti-seizure drug. But skipping a dose seems to make me go into a deep dark hole for a few days. So there’s that.
They now give me a diluadid shot afterwards now, because my ribs get very sore afterwards. I also get some oxycodone for the headaches, which last about 4-6 hours or more. My next treatment I am to take my lamictal as soon as I come to. We will see.
Most important to me is that it seems to break obsessive suicidal impulses. But, I am trying to get to a point where I don’t need it. It is disruptive to my life and I hate being wiped out for 2 days.
I’m also curious as to the effectiveness of a Vagus Nerve stimulator implant, and maybe TMS, which is far less invasive, but was not indicated due to suicidal ideation.
As to my work situation. I made a joke about the ECT keeping me from blowing my head off, which is impossible because I sold all my boomsticks, and sincerely doubt I can pass a background check.
As usual in zero tolerance workplaces, they overreacted and I’m banned from work until further notice. I am not a risk to myself because I can’t harm my family and that I know the ideation is just that. I bear no I ill will towards anyone, and can’t even kill ants, much to the chagrin of my wife.
Since I am service connected for depression, that will hopefully help get me back to work.
Until then, let’s all keep fighting. Or at least don’t let the disease win.
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self.depression
|
I try so hard to be supportive... But my husbands dog drives me crazy. He had her before we moved in together and before we were married, but she is so stubborn and hard headed. She’s past the point of obedience classes because she’s around 8 years old. He never took care of her teeth and now they’re rotting and her breath smells so bad. She whines all the time. She knocks over the trash can and eats trash and then has diarrhea afterwards.
I love dogs, but I’m totally a cat person and he puts up with way more than my shit, but I can’t stand the dog. Just needed to say it.
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self.offmychest
|
Supplements and Meds for anxiety for a better functional life To anyone interested in anxiolytic treatments, adaptogens, phenibut, and the balance between these things and living a life not completely tied to them.
I'm in my late 20s and have dealt with anxiety (social, mostly, but just about every other general form I've read about as well) for my whole life. Until a few years ago I had never even attempted to help myself with supplements or medications, but once I tried L-Theanine and found it to make a difference notable enough to stay interested, and keep exploring.
So my question is; once I've explained where I am with all is, has anyone else had better or worse luck going down this road?
Like I said Ive had serious social anxiety, and being as I'm a bartender/server/actor/filmmaker and generally social person, this is a constant issue.
I've found that any gabaergic supplement helps me greatly (L-theanine, ginseng, and phenibut especially) as well as yoga and swimming. All from what I understand have similar effects on neurochemistry. I've always had a hard time "letting go", whether its in the moment stuff, or 'traumas' or troubling parts of my past.
I honestly wish I could take Phenibut every day. I don't care about the high much at all, but it does make me lucid, calm, clear, and at rest in a way I wish were a more normal state of being, as it feels natural like I do when I wake up on the absolute right side of the bed (which does happen, I'd just like a little more control over that).
Its not that I'm more confident, its that I don't see a lack of confidence in any situation as a road-block so much as I see the route around it. I know what I want to do, what I should do, and how do to it. I'm ready to tackle just about any problem, and I know how to pick my battles.
It's honestly changed my life. Even the 'afterglow' lasts much longer that what others have said, three or four days, and I'm more capable and productive in those times than I am without it.
That being said, I've never taken it more than twice in a week, but even then have tasted its rapid tolerance building, as well as its hangovers, rebounding effects, etc etc. Nothing like the horror stories I've read on here but still enough that I respect it.
So has anyone had similar experiences? Found a way around its limitations? found better alternatives? I'd rather find a way to be in that state without penny or prescription drugs, synthetic or not, but if thats the way so be it, within reason. Tho I don't want my life to revolve around 'stacks'. I already take plenty of supplements, but I'm not tied to any by a life or death mentality.
Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thanks.
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self.Anxiety
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I don’t feel like me. Idk if this makes sense I don’t even know if this makes sense.
I don’t feel like me because when I look at pictures of myself I think “wow, I’m so happy! I should smile more.”
But I’ll look at myself in the mirror and just think “this outfit is cute, but my sucks.”
I feel like I’m explaining this terribly.
I like the person I see in the pictures, but I don’t like the person I am when I’m by myself and with my thoughts. I can’t get a job, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
Pictures seem simple and I look so happy.
Do I sound crazy? I feel like this sounds crazy lol
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self.offmychest
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Ex boyfriend have been manic/hypomanic for over a year!? (is it even possible??) *venting* My ex started showing hypomanic signs in Jan -17, which led to full blown mania in march and then a year full of partying, dating, spending money like crazy. Hating me like crazy too.
I have stayed away during this time and just been waiting for him to come off his "high" During this time he has reached out a few times asking to meet but always cancelled.
I met him for the first time a week ago and and he seemed pretty much himself but at the same time another person. He was crying and smoking out of nervosity and seemed happy to see me. But also very egocentric, hard and flashy. Totally loving himself.. We agreed to meet again soon again.
An email arrived today where he basically is angry at me for wanting to meet again. He said the meeting was really bad for him because he wants to move on. And as always he ends the email with "perhaps we can meet in a few months" and leaving the door a little bit open.
Its like he is missing me and wants to see me but something makes him not letting himself being with me.
I have heard from a friend that he is STILL not sleeping. He goes up at 2 each morning and go for long runs.
How long can this go on for??
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self.bipolar
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I just want it all to end. I am 16 and my life is probably the biggest failure, When people say they're the definition of failure than they havent me, I don't know the basics to absolutely anything in life, I always wanted to be some sort of engineer but then I remember I don't even know basic maths and the basics to anything...I think about suicide daily every single day, I don't go to school...I honestly have no idea what happened, It all went by so fast not that I miss school, But it just happened so quickly like a dream. I was suddenly out of school and I spend 98% of my life indoors just infront of my PC not even learning anything and everyday I just think about life long and hard and I came to the conclusion that it isnt worth living, For 2 reasons. One I will never be what I want to be I am incapable of learning anything I cannot sit down and listen I cannot absorb knowledge, Two, It's boring I have nothing but time in here and I just imagine a world where I could do everything, Even in that world NOTHING seems interesting or fun absolutely nothing, All my life I just wanted to be knowledgable and help people but as I grew up I learnt i'm not anything, just an empty shell, on a sidenote I can't remember the last time I actually talked to a girl, not that I actually care though...It pains me to see my father tear his ass searching for all sorts of programs that can host me, he found a computer one I ended up squandering it and just having my hatred of groups get the better of me, I never showed up...Everytime he shows me some advanced stuff I just say "mhm" "yes" "ok" I want to learn but I cant I am incapable I cannot, Only thing I ever passed in my life is my 2 diving courses.
I just needed to spill this out and hopefully I'll stop being a coward and actually do it, It's 3:08 PM and I havent slept since 17:45 yesterday when Im tired my suicidal thoughts get worse and so does my spelling and punctuation, so forgive me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anybody else remind themselves that "it's the depression talking"??? Maybe it isn't relevant because I deal specifically with dysthymia.
but a lot of the issues I have lately are related to emotional numbness.
like not being able to think of future goals or plans because I can't actually get excited, or I just don't feel like I'll actually enjoy anything.
or feeling really insecure because I can't stop focusing on my perceived negative qualities.
or otherwise just being pessimistic. which leads to a self fulfilling prophecy.
Lately I've been trying to remind myself that I do enjoy things, I have gotten excited, I am a pretty cool guy. and etc. It's just my depression that's leading me into believing the opposite.
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self.depression
|
Abuse tw Picked a date for the coming year. Every day is harder to keep going. My dads new wife had a baby and I hold him and feel nothing. I’m just glad he’s not a girl so my dad will leave him alone. But I think because my stepmoms been healing and can’t fuck, my dads really.... deprived I guess. I drove my little brother to his house last night and stayed to watch a movie and he kept hugging me and putting his hand on my leg. He said it was an accident but he squeezed twice. I literally felt myself leave my body lmao. His wife was looking too I don’t know if she knows but I’m paranoid. He hasn’t really touched me, not even a hug, since they got married two years ago. All the sudden he won’t leave me the fuck alone. I thought he’d gotten tired of it. He keeps pressuring me to move in but I’d kill myself. In fact, my plan for a while has been to kill myself with his gun. I think there’s a law here that charges you with manslaughter if someone commits with your gun. But now that there’s a new baby in the mix I feel too guilty. So I just hope and wish that he gets lung cancer, just like I have since I was 12. I know I should tell someone or stop visiting if he starts hurting me again but I honestly don’t care about my body anymore. There’s nothing he could do that would make me feel any worse. I’ve spent ten years in silence, obedience, complacency. What difference does it make? I’m going to die in a few months anyways. I cut and burn every day now. On my thighs so no one can see. I run out of space and have to just go over old ones. It hurts so bad but I don’t stop. The other day I cut deep enough to need stitches, it didn’t stop bleeding for a full day. But I didn’t feel it. I don’t REALLY feel anything at all. Even the pain of pressing a clothing iron to my arm is negligible. I guess the sensation is there but it’s lost meaning. It’s a momentary high and then it’s over and I’m shocked at how much my stupid, little body can handle. I’m going to die.
Before you reply with something hopeful or uplifting, rest assured that I am at the end of my figurative and {soon} literal rope. My mom knows I was abused and still pressures me to see my father. I don’t have friends to confide in. I don’t have access to mental health care (or normal medical care), even the campus counselors. I have nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to. Contrary to the general belief that everyone goes through hard times and can grow past it if they really try, I cannot. My mental illnesses, my abuse, my circumstances; they’re my personality now. For some people suicide really is the only certain peace I’m offered. I have no intention of putting in the enormous effort it would take to ‘rehabilitate’ myself on the off chance that my life is at most mediocre. I feel like I know something no one else does. This deep sadness no one else has. I have to carry it, this thing that’s transforming me into a monster. I have to pretend I’m human now.
There is no realistic circumstance that outweighs death at this point. I am unable to connect with other people. I am unable to love. I am unable to care for myself. I am unable to enjoy simple things. I am unable to enjoy complex things. I am absolutely ruined beyond repair. I am not asking for advice. I just need to know that someone out there knows what no one in my real life does. I just need to get it out of my body. It’s choking me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Friend made a suicide joke on cam and now it's all I can think about [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Huh, so this is what the end of a relationship feelings like [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm going crazy And I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped and lost. I don't know what's real and what's a lie.
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self.offmychest
|
I hate winter so much First of all, everything people love about winter, like spending time with their families, friends, celebrating New Years, and all the decorations that come along with it, means absolutely nothing to me. Christmas was never a thing in my family, and of course I don't have any friends or a girlfriend to celebrate anything with. Seeing people be excited about the holidays is sickening, and I have to fake happiness or feel even worse from being ostracized.
The cold weather is what really seals the deal for this being the worst season by far. As soon as it gets cold, and the hot comes on in my house, I lose whatever sliver of motivation I had to leave my room. Walking through freezing wind chills and snow seems like such a massive waste of time, and the comfort of my home just gets even bigger. Not only do I not have a reason to celebrate holidays, I don't even have the motivation to leave my house to deal with the physical challenges of getting anywhere.
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self.depression
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I’m (19 M) coming out of an abusive relationship and honestly I just want a little sympathy and maybe to here how other people dealt with future relationships I dated a girl for two and a half years and recently left her. Most of the relationship consisted happy times but behind the scenes a lot of emotional and verbal abuse as well as her cheating on me at least twice. Some quotes she said: “If you don’t respond I will fuck other guys”, “Everyone was right you’re fucking other girls I have you all figured out” (I wasn’t), “Call me!!!! Do you understand how close I am on overdosing on medicine if you don’t”, “I’m gonna fucking Chinese water torture your friends and have them deported”, “No one will ever care or love u like I do” , and more and more. She accused me of cheating 24/7 (I never did). She told me I wasn’t allowed to make friends with any girls yet she had multiple male friends. She threatened to hurt herself, have her friends beat me up, call the police on me, dump me, get herself pregnant by me, and even threatened to release my nudes online. I always ignored it and have showed some of it to my friends for emotional support but god damn I don’t think I realized at the time how bad she was. I would just tell myself “she’s getting emotional and angry she isn’t really like this”. Well it was fucking unfair to me. Sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would get angry, sometimes i would get so sick of trying to listen to her long abusive messages it would feel like my brain wasn’t processing and I would just put my phone away for the day. I’m fairly certain that my brief encounter with panic attacks was caused by the stress of her and moving for college. I feel okay about this now, I never believed any of her BS and we don’t talk now but sometimes I worry if I will be able to trust other girls. If this kind of stuff will happen again. Why couldn’t I stand up for myself and dump her sooner, etc. Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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I feel like I only keep myself alive in order to avoid people being upset [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Wellbutrin Side Effects After 1 year Please point me to a better sub if this is not the appropriate place for this, or if there is a better sub to discuss this on.
I have had life long trauma and depression and a bi-polar shit life. A lifetime of experimental medications. Several hospitalizations due to inability to control myself in various ways. A lifetime of trying to learn whats up with my head. Im sure its not much different than some of you out there.
Last year I was prescribed Wellbutrin after attempting yet another string of drug/counseling experiments to see what works best for me. It was a difference of night and day. I sung out loud as my brain settled and life became far more manageable. I did suffer short term side effects as I started. Wellbutrin has a very unique side effect feeling, making it very discernible from other drugs.
So ya, a good year has gone by feeling good in the most part. Zero complaints.
2 weeks ago, a few basic life situations elevated in stress. Fam. Dating. Work. Health. All low level stressors, and not out of the ordinary for me. But apparently these things spun into some sort of mania I am now suffering. Whatever the reason, Im out there and unable to focus or be around people in a semi normal way.
Then something interesting happened and this is the point where my question comes in.
Out of the blue, mid way into this manic state, I am now suffering hard side effects from the wellbutrin. Its as if the mania and wellbutrin arent working together. Im suffering full blown side effects in a far more powerful way than I did at the beginning. Pretty much 70% of everything listed in MD. Some of which are dangerous and scary to me and others.
I wonder if others are familiar with such an issue or have any tips which can lead me to more research. Is this something which may pass?
One major thing with wellbutrin side effects is rage. With this rage, comes paranoia on what reality is. I cant tell if others are pissing me off or if I am just overly sensitive...a term I have heard many times in life.
Now I am lost as to how I appear to others.
Am I loosing it and no one is degrading me? Am I loosing it and others are degrading me and I am being too soft and not protecting myself?
I just dont know. Im so confused to what reality is right now. Im guessing this rant makes little sense to others and you will read it with confusion. I do know one thing...Im doing my best to keep my mouth shut, because I feel I may destroy my life if I reveal my feelings and or concerns. I figure a faceless reddit rant may be best.
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self.depression
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I think I’m in crisis mode Two nights ago I took a handful of Tylenol pm. Like maybe 20. And probably 20 ibuprofen on top of an empty stomach full of gin. These past 5 years have been hard, yadda yadda chronic spinal pain yadda toxic long term relationship and a history of depression.
My roommate tried to make me vomit but I fought him away, gave in when I was basically incoherent and vomited through the night.. I woke up the next morning in my bed. Perplexed and let down that I was actually awake.
I was throwing up and had cold sweats all yesterday and today I have the shakes. I’ve tried not to drink but it’s only been a limiting. At this point I’m just worried about any long term liver damage. I’ve just been pushing fluids. Roommate/boyfriend hasn’t left my side but I’m feigning interest in life. I gotta tell you I just don’t see the point of it anymore.
I don’t think I’ll try anything drastic again anytime soon. But I didn’t see that episode coming so who knows. I haven’t told any family or friends, I guess i just needed to get it out there. Thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've lost my girlfriend and all of my friends. I'm alone. I don't want to live anymore [deleted]
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self.depression
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Friend may kill himself soon. Unsure what to do. I have a good friend that I met online 14 years ago, and we finally met in person last year and really connected on a much deeper level.
I have been suicidal on-and-off for much of my life due to having a bad case of Crohn's Disease and because of stress, anxiety, and depression. Fortunately, I am in a good place now and haven't had suicidal ideation in months (which is a first for me). I did have one very serious attempt in 2009 which almost succeeded.
Anyways, my friend has been struggling with chronic depression and severe anxiety for much of his life, as well as neuropathic pain and disc degeneration of his spine. He has been on a large number of different medications and nothing has helped him significantly. He has tried various therapies and seen many psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists. Nothing has substantially helped him.
The last couple of years have been particularly hard on him, and he is now really struggling. He is now at the point where he seems to have decided that he is going to commit suicide at some point in the near future (could be days). He is married and has a partner of 18 years.
I'm not sure what I should do. I am there for him in any capacity he needs me, to listen, to offer suggestions, and to try to distract him or help him devise strategies to make it through the day, and to provide my perspective over how emotionally difficult it was for me to try to commit suicide (which is why I failed: I faltered in my plan due to second thoughts and regrets).
If I told his partner - who is somewhat controlling (not in a way that is abusive - he is just very high strung) - it would be a disaster, I think, and I suspect it might make things worse.
Do any of you have any suggestions? He was committed once to a psych ward for a night due to having severe issues sleeping (according to him) and he said it was the worst night of his life, so I would never want to put him in that position again, either.
He keeps waiting for the universe to hand him a miracle or a sign or purpose, and I don't think the universe works that way: I think you have to go out and make your own purpose, but of course, when you are severely depressed, just getting out of bed can be an overwhelming effort.
Any suggestions / perspective would be much appreciated.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fed up with mannerless guys online. So been texting this guy I met through some dating app. Basically since our first conversation he seemed a bit direct in asking me really person questions about my life and religion and gave me anxiety about being judged. But when I mentioned about being judged by someone he took offence. Then he sent me his pics and demanded I send some too, when I finally told him that instead of demanding he could have requested and be less aggressive about getting to know me. He rudely told me that he had the right to demand and did not need to request. I am so infuriated right now and these are the kind of things that put me off dating and trying to meet people. Just venting here.
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self.offmychest
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I made myself dinner today!! Well, technically I bought a premixed salad with prawns, but I fried the prawns, put it all on a plate and ate the whole thing! The last month I've liven off of takeout or something greasy for dinner and it feels really really good to kind of "make" something myself, even though it's cheating a little :)
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self.depression
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This is probably a weird and different question. I know this is a weird and different question and you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable. Say you have a romantic experience with your girlfriend or boyfriend and they see your scars on your legs and ask about it what do you do? Do you think they would understand if you explained it to them or they would break up with you?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just waiting I feel like I’m just waiting day in day out till I someday have enough courage to finally end myself.
People like me don’t make it. I’ll never be able to have friends. I’ll never have a relationship. I’ll never be able to get married or have kids. I will always end up alone, sitting in an empty room, studying the bottle of pills trying to tell myself to do it.
I’ll be stuck in this shit low pay job till they lay me off and then I struggle another few years trying to find a new one. I’ll be crying every day trying to understand why do I even keep going. I can’t do anything in this life. I’m incapable of being a person. I shouldn’t be here. I should have never been here. When I think back on my life and all the misery I’ve endured, I wonder why I am still here. Why do I keep going? Why should I keep going?
There are no good days any more. It’s just a blank void or a sharp hurt. My story doesn’t have a happy ending. My story ends in suicide.
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self.depression
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I'm starting a new job next Monday, probably the best I've ever had. But I'm absolutely terrified. So as the title states, I'm starting a new job next Monday, nothing too bad, right? Well at my last job, which I held for almost a year, I was fired for time card fraud. (My boss had it out for me) on a short week, I left work 15 minutes early and forgot about it the following week when I filled out my time card, so I wrote that I left at my regular time. And apparently it's a zero tolerance policy because once confronted about it I was fired on the spot.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I left that job off my resume because getting fired for time card fraud in an industry where everyone uses time cards can be a huge red flag. So I went through interview process and got offered a position, but at orientation I'm expected to fill out a work history validation form.
I'm terrified that they will figure out that I omitted a job from my work history and terminate my employment.
I'm hoping it's just to validate where I told them I worked and that they don't dig up this job I was fired from. But what happens if they do? Am I totally screwed?
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self.offmychest
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Small victory, starting to understand how I function There was a post here a bit ago asking "Can you feel the depression coming on?"
I've had a long history of really disliking my therapists. However, at one point one of them told me the best thing I can do is keep a log of how I'm feeling. I don't see them any more, I barely saw them 2 or 3 times, but I've kept that idea in mind for a while.
Usually I'll fall into a depression that I would categorize as self-destructive. Almost as an f you to my hypermanic self and the can-do attitude I pick up. Hypermanic self goes to the gym increasingly often and with regularity. Hypomanic self will seek out unhealthy foods and continue to eat until well beyond self-hatred. Hypermanic self is trying to improve cardio. Hypomanic self smokes cigarettes.
I'm working on noticing these depressive patterns while they're happening. I think the next step for me is to recognize unhealthy hypomanic self destruction, and ask for help from someone that cares about me.
When I'm thinking about seeking out unhealthy foods to destroy my weight loss goals, I'll ask my s.o. to cook dinner with me. I think something like that could really help prevent me from falling into the pit.
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self.bipolar
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Mood Changes and Keto Diet Hey guys,
Just wondering if anyone has tried the Keto Diet and noticed a change in mood? Currently, I'm on the diet to lose weight. Obviously, I'm not looking for any medical advice,but for individual experiences.
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self.bipolar
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How weed ruined my life 21yo need advice When I was in school I was fat, bullied all throughout until about year 11 when I started training hard at the gym. I lost a ton of weight and had a crazy tan. I had so much confidence in myself I slept better and had no issues at all. I lost my virginity and had great relationships with women and men and it was the happiest i had ever been.
I started smoking weed and living alone. I became fully addicted to it and was smoking every night for about a year. I had so much anxiety and panic attacks while high. So after a struggle I quit.
The problem I've had for months now is, I'm extremely alone. I've finished high school now and have drifted apart from my friends due to them all getting girlfriends. I don't like clubbing or anything like that and I feel like I won't meet someone that I'll like at a club.
I feel like weed has ruined my ability to relate to people and I just don't have the confidence like I used to. When I was at a gathering last night with some friends there was this girl I was sitting next to she was completely eyeing me off but I didn't say enough to her or make any moves because i just can't anymore and she ended up with another guy that night. This is a regular occurrence for me and it just contributes to the fact that I'm lonely and have no one and I don't want to feel like this anymore. I no longer watch porn because it only contributes to not being able to relate with women. I also don't meet enough.
I'm not even an ugly person. For some reason nothing is working out for me and I'm just stuck in this cycle of loneliness. When I'm out with people I know its literally them and there girlfriends and it makes me depressed just seeing that. To the point where I believe I'm going to be alone forever. I get suicidal thoughts because of it I'd never do it but this feeling of loneliness is so overwhelming.
If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated
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self.depression
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Feeling of constant dread and regret Hello.
I've come here to request suggestions for remedying my current situation.
When I was young (about 16), I was in a terrible situation at home and had been for a while. I wanted nothing more than to get out of the area where I grew up, and luckily I had the SAT and GPA to do so. However, the school to which I went was too stringent on money and offered me no scholarships. Being Out-of-State, yet so desperate, I attended the university for less than three years, when I graduated due to already having college credit. While somewhat quick, I gained over $120k in UG federal loan debt, 85% of that being legally owned by my parents.
Having graduated with a liberal arts degree in anticipation of graduate school, and not as a pathway to a lifelong career, there are currently few options for me right now. Rent and loans themselves consume 90% of my income, and my family is unable to assist me financially. As you can tell from my previous posts, I have been drowning in anxiety which has yet to completely subside.
My real issue here is that I can only yearn to revert my decision when I was in high school and choose a cheaper university. Of course, this is impossible, but this thought has been on my mind since I started at the university. How do I shake this? I've been regretting breaking up with a girl a couple of years ago who happened to be wealthy--though and because I did not feel affection for her--so that I would at least not have these financial troubles. My morals prohibited such an excursion at the time, and while she did fancy me greatly, I could have never seen myself being happy with her as a person. I do not want to eliminate my morals, honor, and integrity to ease the anxiety or worry. How can I stop myself from becoming overwhelmed and making another bad decision?
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self.Anxiety
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I dont even know if i want you to save me When i was a young boy, i didn't understand why people would hurt themselves since pain is bad right, pain hurt, or was scolding. Scolding, is what we do to ourselves emotionally and physically, and i'm at the edge. If i was legal drinking age i would just drink it away weather i like alcohol or not. That's what it does after all, my grandma always warned me about drugs, "they make you happy". Right now? I wouldn't mind being dead, even though i fear death itself. I can remember a time when i didn't see myself as a complete failure, Dropping out of Highschool; Check, Never leaving my house;Check, not even having the motivation to feed myself; Check, what else is there to lose? Im sitting here thinking of myself as a complete fucking failure and questioning if other think that too, even if their lips tell me I'm worth it their actions tell me, You can't do anything right, i actually don't know the last time i made myself a meal, if it wasn't for my grandma i would've starved by now. Hell i dont even know what this jumble of a paragraph is all i really need is some dumb "Inspirational Quote" From google images that accurate counters my arguement
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m lonely (AKA it’s hard making friends as an adult) I have some friends, not a whole ton, but it seems they never want to talk or hang out. I know they’re busy but I’m just lonely. It’s hard making friends as an adult.
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self.depression
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I'm one of those worthless millennials and death is the only way out I was a fool. I went to college for creative writing thinking I'd get office jobs and write stories on the side. If I could go back in time, I'd have gone into a scientific field instead. So I now have a wasted degree and student debt for it.
I suffer from chronic low self confidence due to years of abuse and neglect when I was growing up, and my parents are still at it. My step mom diagnosed me with autism based on a TV drama she watched, and she and my dad treat me like an autism stereotype because I like to be alone. They don't understand I'm so alone and quiet because I was emotionally abused to the point of no longer being able to speak for myself. She would always deny any wrongdoing and say I was imagining things or blame some other circumstance. It makes me depressed that my own family doesn't understand me at all, and I can't even find the words to communicate the truth to them.
I live alone, and my patterns of escapism and avoidance have made me friendless and underemployed. I'm rejected from every job I might both be good at and have passion for, mostly due to my anxiety-induced speech impediment. I can't honestly say I'm as good as the other candidates for a job. I don't feel like I'm capable of anything. I have this itch in the back of my mind that I need to just give up and end it because of constant sorrow and disappointment.
A job and money are not the answer, nor are they a solution like the internet claims. Having millions of dollars wouldn't fix the things that are wrong with me. The only thing I'd do with extra cash is just take and go somewhere without feeling guilty about it, but I know it'd only be temporary relief. I'd still have to come home and deal with bring stuck as myself.
Right now my stories in my imagination are more important to me than life itself. I wish I could just wake up as someone else with a loving family and confidence in myself. Seeing I've been given a new chance with a new body and life would be enough for me to go find some friends and start a real career. I'm willing to kill myself on the low chance that reincarnation is a real thing. I really have nothing to lose.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I didn't think this through very well.... Today I tried to kill myself.
It's not exactly something I tried to do out of the blue, I've wanted to do this for a very long time, I never felt ready until today. So a few weeks back, I marked my calandar and finally decided to do it. I spent most my life thinking about it, and I was as tired being talked out of it as much as people were tired to do it.
But I couldn't. I failed. I guess I can't even do that properly.
You know something? Thank God. I thought I was done thinking. I thought everything there was to think. I was wrong. There was so much I didn't think about.
My parents left without their first born, my brother with noone to look up to, my dear friends who I promised that I would always be there for them. I'm ashamed of myself for trying to break my promises.
My friends are some of the most important things I have in the world. Some of the most wholesome people you could ever meet,and I'd die for them, assuming I didn't want to die in the first place, I suppose.
I am not the most attractive person, I don't exactly have a voice people like listening to, and my personality never had much to go on. But my God I spent my life trying to be friends with everyone and not to make any enemies. And my friends aren't exactly shallow like me, they can look past all my faults and see things I never really saw in myself.
What I'm trying to say is that I was wrong. I made a mistake. I'm not one to admit mistakes, and I am here to tell you this was a big fucking mistake I'm one hundred percent responsible for.
I am not here to say that you shouldn't kill yourself because I found out I shouldn't. My reasons are different than yours, and what gives me strength, might be your source of weakness. But to anyone who can take anything from this, it's that no matter how much you think you have thunk, you haven't thought of everything. There is always something missing. Suicide rates are going up, but I think with some deep self reflection, we can at least turn some of the numbers back if just even by a little.
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self.SuicideWatch
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quora is bullshit quora is by far the most idiotic question-and-answer website i have ever used. because of how furious it makes me, here's a rant discussing its issues.
first, you need to be logged in to view a lot of content. now if you search up a question on google that happens to have a quora page, this doesn't apply. but click on one of the "related" questions and boom. you will be stuck with a pop up forcing you to sign in. why? nobody fucking knows.
second, it's interface. it's very hard to explain how quora works. you have to use it for at least 3 days to truly know. here's one of many examples. if you post a question, you must be "following" that question or else it will not be on your profile. i've accidentally done this shit lots of fucking times and had to re-ask it before realizing my mistake. another example is that there is no option to put details in your questions. just a stupid meaningless "source" link.
third, it collapses answers even when they should not be. it's anti free speech. it's bias.
fourth, you have to use a real name. why? i guess because they think it makes you seem professional. but it really doesn't. people can make up names easily. i went by the pseudonym "erick jones" for a while, for example. no way am i going to share my real name in a website like THIS.
fifth, it's very unpopular. while quora may act as if they are a famous website, they really aren't. the only thing that gets them any slight bit of attention is when people accidentally stumble upon it while searching something and the people behind the site regularly posting bullshit content.
sixth, its users. oh my fucking god. this is my main problem with quora. you see, my previous criticisms were of the site itself. but none of that shit compares to its fucking HORRIBLE users. these assholes act like they know everything in the world with their LOOOOOONG answers that usually have at least 5 paragraphs. most of them are adults over 25 who act ageist towards anyone younger because for some unknown fucking reason, they think their age makes them smarter. it doesn't. get the fuck over it. at least people who use yahoo answers can be funny. quora isn't. quora tries too hard. when it even has humorous questions (there's a joke question category), they're the most unfunniest normie cliche questions ever. they're something only an old man can find funny. well actually i guess that makes sense since, as i said, 95 percent of the users are old. i'm surprised a lot of them even know how to use the site at the ages they claim to be (one said they were 75 on a question about old age).
anyways, yeah. quora is a terrible website. it feels like a joke. i have no idea why anyone would want to use it.
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self.offmychest
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Why is it back!? I had three solid days of no anxiety. I felt normal. I felt confident and that I could do anything. Half way through my day today, it hit me full force. The anxiety is back. I can’t take it. I knew that those three days wouldn’t last forever :( I feel so defeated. What’s the point of fighting if it just hits you harder than before?
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self.Anxiety
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DAE feel resentful about parties? Hi all. This is partially a venting post, as I am still upset.
Last night I went to a party with my SO. I had a panic attack on the way there in the car, and a panic attack with full out uncontrollable crying when we parked there. It was ridiculous. I was angry, frustrated, sad. Why do I have to be the kind of person who needs to work SO HARD just to go to a social situation? I was already heavily (over)medicated and practicing breathing activities.
Anyways, we stayed for a little while, I tried to be friendly but talking was mostly frozen within my throat. I was so relieved when my SO said we could go.
I'd love to hear your own experiences. I am sure many of you have felt similarly. Sorry if this is scattered.
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self.Anxiety
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Hey everyone... first time posting here I’m 17M and a senior in high school. I’m not sure why exactly I’m posting this here, it just feels like a bit of a last resort... I guess I’m seeking some kind of reassurance or empathy or something, I dunno. So for the 17 years that have been my life so far I’ve only struggled with anxiety here and there, in small doses and it’s always been manageable. Early last month, I started working at a local food establishment, my first “real” job besides counselling at a summer camp. For whatever reason, this job drove me crazy. Every night before I would have work, I could feel some sensation of drowning within me. I could feel my every heartbeat and I would just feel hopeless and powerless, it just felt like some kind of impending doom was coming my way in the form of going into work. I could usually get through it in the mornings, and after an hour or two at work I could turn off my mind and just function. Then one day I woke up, shaking, crying, unable to move much at all, feeling absolutely terrified and helpless and just in mental agony. I called in sick, and things only got worse from there. The attacks got worse with each day, until I decided (with quite a bit of convincing from my girlfriend) to finally talk to my mother about whatever’s been going on. We decided it’s best that I stop working there, and I’ve since quit (a few days ago) and have scheduled an appointment with a therapist, to hopefully get some of this sorted out. I no longer have work to freak me out, but I’ve begun to feel anxious about other things—I feel anxious about going into school, about hanging out with my friends, anxious that my relationship might be coming to an end, like every little thing that happens is some sort of sign that the end is coming, like everything is collapsing. I can’t even tell if I’m being irrational or not. I haven’t been able to eat since breakfast today, and it’s about 10:11PM right now. I just feel sick and gross and paranoid. I apologize for the super long post, I just was hoping I could talk to some people about this who might get it or could provide some comfort.
Tl;dr: Got a job that suddenly gave me violent anxiety attacks and now I’m anxious about almost everything even though I’ve since quit working there. Just trying to put myself out there and open up about this, maybe talk to some people on here about it.
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self.Anxiety
|
It's the third of the month again and every month ever since we broke up this day sucks a lot for me(we always had dinner on the 3rd to celebrate), last month I couldn't even go to work and just went to a psychologist, today I felt such a big emptiness when I woke up but I got the fuck out of bed and tried my best.
I'm still sad and still miss her a lot but I'm functioning and that's all I need for now
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self.depression
|
I'm so tired of trying. I just don't care about any of it. I'm sitting here, trying to read my textbook, but my brain is just too foggy. I need to suck it up and do it, but I just don't fucking care. Every time I start, I think, I could go to the party supply store and buy some helium right now. I don't have to participate in this stupid game anymore. I never asked to be here.
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self.SuicideWatch
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tomorrow's my birthday and i couldn't dread it more [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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He left Two days ago the man I love left me. He recently received communion from an ex and said he was no longer sure what he wanted and that it wasn't fair to me. As much as I hate to admit it I begged him to stay but he didn't. He told me it didn't have to be forever but he also told me he thinks she is his one. I have relatively bad depression and had already been having suicidal thoughts but now I'm in such a funk I haven't eaten in three days and I'm ok with it. The only reason I haven't cut myself is Bc I know he would think it was out of spite. The worst part for me is we used to talk pretty much 24/7 and now I can't even talk to him. He was the one person I trusted and now I don't know what to do. I just want him back.
Sorry if this isn't the right place for this I just needed to tell someone and I can't tell the one person I want to.
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self.offmychest
|
Goodbye to 2017, the worst year of my life... As I look in the sky up at the full moon at the arrival of the new year, all that I have in me is pain, anger, hate, and suffering that this year has brought me. From dealing with the fallout of my ex, to stressors at work, nothing compares to true loss of my baby boy. My soulmate. Papas, I miss you and went to counseling the other night and let myself cry, but in the end nothing will bring you back. I have your three puppers still that miss you just as much as I do. You were my everything mijo, my rock and happiness... I have now become broken beyond repair and only wait until the day we are together again. I couldn’t and haven’t been able to end my suffering because I’m too afraid even though I want that more than anything. I love you Chewie... I hope to see you soon baby boy...
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self.depression
|
Online Therapy Has anyone used online therapy?
Recently reached out to a larger service and filled out a questionnaire. They rejected me. Which... Is sort of funny to me, that a therapist would just refuse to try and treat someone without actually speaking to them.
In-person therapy is expensive. My insurance is awful and my job doesn't pay enough for me to fork out that much money.
Any tips?
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self.depression
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I have all the neccesary ingredients to be happy, yet I can´t and I hate myself for it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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not sure what to do In my life, I don't really fit in with others, and had problems that other people didn't seem to have. Last year, by constantly thinking about the problems and trying to categorize it, I ended up self-diagnosing. I don't know. I've had low self-esteem for a long time, and the feelings that I have seemed to match with numerous sources online. I never told anyone about my problems at all, except for my sister, who I told last year. Sorry, I can't put what I'm trying to say into words, I'm not a word-type of guy.
I guess basically, I think I have Pure-O OCD, maybe some type of anxiety, and I think I had depression last year. The feelings I had and have are and were very real, but I never went to a therapist or a psychologist simply because
1) I was afraid they would tell me that my problems were not actually mental illnesses. If they say that I'm fine and give me pills, I feel as though my feelings are a lie.
2) They wouldn't understand and would give cliche phrases that you hear countless times: "It gets better" "It's all in your head" "Just be happy" etc.
3) I feel as though me going to a therapist is just satisfying my own low self-esteem or something and saying something along the lines of "hey someone notices me, look i'm special"
It's just the trouble that no one can really understand anyone else because we're the only main character in our own lives. During my childhood I frequently lied, and it became a habit, so after I stopped lying as much I'm not even sure if I'm just trying to get sympathy anymore or lying. I don't tell people what I'm going through because of those 3 reasons too, especially the fear of being told my problems are nothing. But the fact that I self-diagnosed myself with Pure-O OCD, anxiety, and depression, makes me feel like I'm lying and self-pitying myself to pit into some group of others.
With Pure-O OCD, even since I was a kid I had uncontrollable urges. Even now I have uncontrollable urges to poke my eye, and when I was younger I had to spit 23 times and stab myself in the wrist multiple times with a pencil, so much to the point that I got scared of holding pencils and pens and wore long sleeves daily. Or the thoughts of stabbing someone or pushing someone off a subway railing- something I would never do - but the thought of it makes me feel like a complete piece of shit. But then I don't even know if it's all in my head and it's a normal part of life.
Same with my short-term depression last year. I was in that deep shithole for a few months only but it felt like an eternity. I had such low self-esteem because my older sister had achieved so much more than me, and was constantly referred to as "brother of X", and kept on failing my goals. It got to a cycle of self-loathing, self-pitying, and then back to self-loathing because I was so pitiable that I was pitying myself. I called myself things 10x worse than anything others said, and it got to the point of slapping and punching myself, because I was still fearful of sharp objects. The suicidal thoughts kept coming, and tl;dr the experience was bad. I got no enjoyment, etc etc, and all the symptoms seemed to match online. But I self-diagnosed myself and had a history of compulsive lying.
This brings me to my current struggle. For the last few months, I had anxiety attacks, but especially for the last few weeks it's gotten pretty bad. Today in one of my classes I was trying to fix my terrible procrastination by writing on my hand, and as I wrote down the first words I started getting an anxiety attack from the memories of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Actually I don't know if it's an anxiety attack. But what happens to me when I get these "attacks" is that I start shaking, feeling very cold and hot, want to curl up into a ball, get those crappy intrusive thoughts that never go away. It occurs for 10-60 minutes, with me having a 60 minute one just now.
I'm really sorry for the long post, because this is the first time I've actually told anyone the full story of what happened. Funny. I tell inanimate objects my whole life story and online strangers but not the people in real life.
TL;DR: I self-diagnosed myself with mental illnesses, and I don't know if that's morally right, if that's the right term for it. I don't want to insult those with actual, diagnosed illnesses, but I also feel that my experiences and feelings were and are very real. But I've also had a past history of compulsive lying and low self-esteem. So I never told anyone my problems. I want to go to a therapist but at the same time don't want to because I feel like I'm going there to get a "badge of confirmation" or that I'm going there to "feel special". Also I feel like a hypocrite and an ass for giving advice I didn't even completely follow.
I ranted pretty fucking long, sorry, even my TLDR was a paragraph.
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel depressed constantly and have existential thoughts. Thoughts like."you're not really depressed you're just an angsty teenager that wants attention". "you're not smart you just think you're smart". or "The person that you show to other people isn't the real you. You're perverted and disgusting and all of your accomplishments are built on lies." most of this isn't true. But it's just a dark place I go to in my head all the time. I wish I could get it to stop. I wish I could just be happy with who I am but I'm not. Btw my real name is Michael. my user Is just something I made up
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self.depression
|
I don't want to fucking roleplay I have been living in a room for the last half-decade, and fuck, I wish I was dead by now, but I have to somehow keep on living.
I don't want to fucking roleplay along with the hivemind around me, I hate that I feel like I am going blind. I don't give a shit about anything and everything isn't a matter to me, I don't know what is stopping me from pounding the ground with every part of my body until I self-destruct.
I could have lived something, the fucking hivemind killed off most of my family and took what was mine, Imma fucking end it all taking the hivemind down with me.
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self.depression
|
Yet another day of emptiness... (wall of text warning) So yesterday was another one of those days where I felt like absolute shit. Nothing unusual, but yesterday was really bad. I woke up early, didn't feel rested at all, wasn't in the mood to eat breakfast and in fact not in the mood to do ANYTHING.
I could remember my dreams, and that's a bad thing. All they bring is regrets and sorrow. I went to the bathroom and realized how fucking ugly I am. I knew it already, but damn it's impossible to get used to it.
The self-hatred was strong. It always is, but yesterday it was stronger... and so was the emptiness. The fucking feeling of constant emptiness. It's never left me and it's been with me since I was born, or close to.
I don't work, because I'm a failure and never could find anything. I'm not sure I could even do it anyway. That means the day was free. And long. Too long. So many hours in this emptiness and silence really get to you.
I crave for... something. But this something never happened, never happens and never will. I don't even know what I really want.
Is it human bonding? I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's even POSSIBLE to bond with anyone. There's always a wall, a barrier or I don't know how to call it between me and other human beings. Makes me feel like I don't even belong to the same species. I fucking hate myself.
I've been lonely for my whole life, almost. I did have a girlfriend at some point though, but she was as unhappy and distressed as I am. Even with her I felt empty anyway. She ended up killing herself, and since then I've had no one at all. It's been three years now. I hate myself. I also hate her for doing that and abandoning me.
The only way to escape is to empty the mind and not think, or try not to. I hate drugs so I don't do them. I hate alcohol so I don't do it. Only thing I've found that somewhat soothes the mind is cigarettes. It's unhealthy as fuck though but sacrificing the body for the mind is my only way to survive.
Anyway. Yesterday the emptiness was too strong. I went for a walk. It was dark already... and night is the best time to go out. I've been doing these nocturnal walks for years now... hoping for something again (but what?). I feel strangely alive when I'm alone in the dark and depressed. It's really weird. I guess the brain indulges in masochism when the pain is too strong.
So I walked in the night, while smoking cigarettes over and over. I reflected on myself and on how repulsive I am. I must be, right? I mean, people have always shunned me and now even professionals do. I was supposed to meet some therapist next week but... surprise surprise!! She conveniently can't anymore because she is sick. I guess I am that repulsive that even professionals need excuses not to see me. lol
Afterwards I went to the train station and took a sit on a bench. I opened up my phone and looked at myself. Yeah, I really am ugly. The sky was dark. People were around but like... yeah no matter what it will NEVER be possible to bond with them or anyone. Besides they just don't care about me. How is it like to be normal with a normal life?
I started wondering what suiciding by jumping in front of a train would be like. A weird impulse told me to do it, but I didn't. I guess the hope that things will change eventually still exists, but no one in their right mind really believes it. Things don't change, at least not for the likes of me.
After a while I got bored. I walked back and saw a girl. She's pretty, but who cares? I'll never have anyone. There's also this old guy talking to his daughter or wife or I dunno. He seemed happy. I slowly make my way to my home again. I come across some guy talking on his phone. He's smiling, and it's pissing me off. All these years of nothingness turned me into an asshole. I hate happy people. Why can they have happiness? Or rather, WHY CAN'T I? Just fucking why? Why do I have to endure all this?
I wish I could believe in God or something, but I can't. I wish I could bond with someone, but I can't. I wish the constant fucking emptiness wasn't there, but it is. I wish I was totally fucking dead.
I don't know what went wrong. As a kid I was bright and full of possibilities. I had potential. I usually think that I'm smart, but am I really? If intelligence is how well one adapts to the world he lives in then I guess I'm actually pretty damn stupid... but stupid or not I just wanted to have a normal happy life like so many people do.
When I think about it it makes me want to weep like a baby. Sometimes when the self-hatred becomes too strong I feel like hitting myself as well. It really sucks being a failure.
Sorry again for wall-of-texting. I just needed to write.
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self.depression
|
My grandma is the reason I’m going into nursing and she has cancer So I’m a nursing student and so I know the survival rates of this cancer and treatments. My grandma is a nurse and the reason I’ll be one too. Recently she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which tends a 6% survival rate. It scares me because I can’t imagine being without someone who has taught me so much about nursing. So much of who I am is from her. It scares me knowing even tomorrow she could be gone. I haven’t stopped crying, I haven’t been able to study. I haven’t been anything since finding out.
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self.depression
|
got my interim grades back and kinda wanna die lol. all b's ranging from -'s to +'s with the exception of one class which i got a c+ for. i knew i was doing worse off this semester but it didn't really sink in until i saw my grades. i just spent the last half hour crying over them and ik that grades aren't supposed to define you but it crushed me when i saw my dad's face falter. he had higher expectations for me and i wasn't able to live up to any of them. honestly, if it weren't for my perpetual fear of disappointing people, i'd honestly probably doing nothing with my life. i have no other purpose than to make sure that the ppl who have invested so much of their money, time, and effort into me are happy. my parents are paying a couple thousand for me to go to the prep school that i am now and it's honestly all for fucking nothing. i'm an actual waste of space who only disappoints and i'm so tired of constantly feeling like i have to fill expectations i know that i won't be able to. i'm so tired. fuck lol. ok that's it, my feelings are probably gonna subside in like a solid 10 minutes and unexpectedly come back when i have to hear my advisor ask me what went wrong but it's all good.
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self.depression
|
[BP2] Please can somebody describe the experience or feeling of a mixed episode for me?
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self.bipolar
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Is this just me worrying?, I have OCD and Anxiety too Hi, so I have severe depression, I believe, and it’s been that way since May last year, I’m depressed because of past mistakes!, and things like that, anyways I was discussing a past event, and I was listening to music, after I had finished discussing the event, I went to sing, and I get the idea signing straight after something bad means it doesn’t really upset me, and I’m not actually that sad over it, and that I don’t care, which just panics me even more! :(, Did I do something wrong?, thank you for reading, and all of you have a lovely day!
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self.depression
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Fear of Change Does anyone else have this crippling fear of change? I'm not talking about just disliking change, I've always hated it, but properly panicking over the smallest things changing. I got a new phone for Christmas, which I am so so so so grateful for, but it also really freaked me out because it's not my old phone. Does that sound silly? I get really panicky when things change, verging on panic attacks when bigger changes occur. Even now I'm using my new phone to type this and I'm feeling really anxious and my chest is kinda hurting just bc of this one small change. How am I going to cope with big, life altering changes???
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self.Anxiety
|
Why do girls do this, if you like a guy, fucking say it stop dragging us along and playing with our emotions. This girl recently took a liking to me and started texting me over whatsapp. Up until now i dont know if she likes me or if she is just stringing me along for her own self esteme. I have been nothing but nice to this girl, asking her how her day was, sending her morning text messages of encouragement, listening to her petty problems but i just cant seem to let go of her. Some part of me believes that her and her roommate are just toying with my emotions and another part thinks that she might like me ( i cant emphasize might enough ). I never asked her why she started talking to me because i figured it might scare her off cause i would come off as being unfriendly but now i feel horrible because i let her into my life and she can probably get with another guy and forget all about me. I barely have any friends and talking to her kinda helped me feel a little better about myself but now i feel like i will never live up to her expectation of what she might want in a guy. I feel like she is testing the waters but i dont recall ever not being sweat and encouraging. Why do girls do this, if you like a guy, fucking say it stop dragging us along and playing with our emotions.
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self.depression
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I lost the one friend I had who I could talk to [deleted]
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self.depression
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I have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like, and I feel like it’s ruining my relationships. I know that I’m not mentally healthy, and after reading an askreddit post I think I might be emotionally abusive. I think that my parents relationship was very unhealthy and I don’t think that I have ever been in a healthy relationship. I’m very confused and am questioning myself a lot.
I have been trying to become the best version of me that I can be. I have been working through many setbacks to become a healthy person. I’m willing to admit that I still have a long way to go before I am ready for a relationship. I am seeing a therapist and searching for physical outlets to get better.
In almost every relationship that I’ve had I loose my identity as an individual. I put everything that I can into the relationship and helping my partner. I am and have been emotionally distant most of my life. On the outside I am cold and indifferent is how it was described to me. My motives seem pure and kind to me, but I am unsure of myself now. My motivation is to build up the other person and encourage them to become a better version of themselves, by chasing their own dreams and making the changes that they want for them.
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self.offmychest
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Please somebody help me pt2 So I posted earlier about my fiancé being distant and acting weird and just 30 minutes ago she ended our engagement, I’m so numb and just empty and I can’t go home and see family since being stationed over seas I just feel like I want to end it
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self.depression
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Are these thoughts normal Ever since i was a child ide have bad thoughts when things went wrong like ide lost my fathers money or i knew i was in troubke ide cry like heck and think about how much i want to kill myself ,
Bad realtioship arguments left me in the same state
I got broke up with after 5 years recently and everymorning i wake uo for work and the first thing i think in my head is im sure ide be better off dead everyone would be better off if i was dead ,
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self.SuicideWatch
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a man i dated told me "i treated you like shit because you let me, and there's nothing i can do now but apologize." [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My lady is possibly bi-polar? Alrighty, I’ll try and keep it short and simple. Firstly, she never had a dad growing up. Secondly, it’s a long distance relationship. Every single time she drinks she completely turns. I can instantly tell when she’s been drinking and she says a lot of stuff like, “I’m done” and “I don’t know about this anymore”. Sure, that’s fine if you want to go then give er but the next morning she acts like nothing happened. Or blames it all on me. Last night she said she was done and continued to call me like twenty times and when I try to talk she hangs up. EVERY TIME. Annoying. Im probably a fool for putting up with it. It’s been about 4 months now. She’s a lovely, pure hearted great person but jeeze when she drinks. Watch out. Mental abuse? What do you guys think! What a wonderful Christmas haha. Cheers!
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self.offmychest
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work/anxiety (Today specifically) UPDATE: Boss emailed me back a really nice email and assured me everything was fine :) Thank you all for your support!!!!
Hey friends, I don't usually start threads (just comment) but I have a lot going on & I just was looking for encouragement/advice from similar people.
I'm 23 years old, I've been having anxiety attacks since I was 10, first went to counseling at 14, diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder at 16, then OCD and Depression at 20 (had to round off the decade with something!) I've also had migraines & chronic headaches since I was 10.
I have a really cool job that I really like, it's fast paced and hard work (marketing & I'm a Digital Operations Specialist, 1 of 2 people on the digital team) but so far I've been really successful there, implemented some new processes that are increasing revenue for the company, getting a lot of really good feedback from the management team.
I've only had 1 sick day since I've been there, but I've had a couple days where I had a debilitating ocular migraine so I could not drive and asked to work from home. That hasn't been an issue. Side note- my anxiety & migraines are really tied into each other.
For the past few weeks, I haven't been sleeping at all due to anxiety and this bad sleep schedule has caused an increase in migraines. Today I woke up with an ocular migraine and I was having so much vision impairment it would be unsafe for me to drive into work. I emailed and let them know I needed to take a half sick day; then I rested. I then worked from home starting at 12:30. I've gotten a lot done, but all day my typically very friendly manager has been cold and short via email. I think it's my anxiety talking but I feel like he's really upset that I'm not in the office? I don't know?
Then, I was so freaked out- I did something really stupid & unprofessional. In an email thread about something else, I apologized again for being out today. I'll copy/paste exactly what I said:
"By the way, sorry again for missing today. I hope you are not disappointed in me. I've gotten a lot accomplished since I started working this afternoon. It's just unfortunate because my vision issues would impair my driving. I feel really bad about not being there. But I've planned that if I'm not feeling well tomorrow I will take an Uber in the morning and then my husband can pick me up after work. Hope you have a great day off tomorrow and I'll see you Thursday!"
I know it was probably really unprofessional of me to say "I hope you are not disappointed in me". That was my anxiety talking...but I can't take it back and he hasn't responded. So now I'm worried that he IS disappointed in me.
do you guys have any thoughts? is there anything i should do? am i freaking out over nothing?
thanks in advance for your help. hope everyone is doing well :)
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self.Anxiety
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Going to see my Psychiatrist tomorrow I am so lost ive had been constantly depressed for over a month, suicidal, worrying about weight and over all low self esteem. I know I need to try a new medication but I am so scared of weight gain. At the moment Im taking concerta, temazepam, and topiramate (for cluster migraines) Ive been through so many medications i feel so lost. I just need to kick this extreme depression, Im so lost and dont know where to go at this point :(
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self.bipolar
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Do you get that cold wave of hopelessness and desperation? If you know the feeling im talking about, the one that leaves a heavy feeling in your stomach after the initial wave. Have you found a way to deal with it or counteract it?
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self.depression
|
tired of being mean to people I love I have a history of being unkind in small ways to people I love. my family. my closest friends. and now – my boyfriend, this man I love so dearly.
he’s concerned. he sat me down and spoke to me from a place of love, but he was firm. I have spoken to him with an unkindness that worries him – am I okay? is there something he can do differently? do I understand what I’ve done to make him feel uncomfortable?
I could go through the motions and try to self-improve, but it’s not going to work. it’s never going to work. I am mean. this is the way I am. I have tried for my entire life to figure it out but I never realize that I have been unkind until the damage is already done. no matter what I do, I’ve hurt him and now he’s going to leave me, soon, sooner than he thinks, no matter what I do, no matter what I do.
he’s going to have a good life without me. he’s the smartest person I know, the kindest, the most thoughtful. it was a fluke that he ever paid any attention to me. I’m not going to have a life at all without him. even if there are other people in the world for me – I will always be unkind.
I don’t want to die. I have aspirations. I want health and happiness. but health and happiness are so far away. if I can’t be kind to the best person I’ve ever known, I can’t be kind to anyone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Have a friend who was in counseling. Found out she tried overdosing a few weeks ago. Both of us are only 16. Love her to death. What can I do? She had been in counseling for years at our school, then because of financial reasons is going to a tiny little Christian school now. Has a very desperate family life. Clearly this is something beyond my expertise but I *will* do anything that I can. But what do I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Affecting My Life & Happiness So recently two things have happened in my life: my parents are acting shady, which is highly unusual, and my two kids haven’t been feeling well. Right before Thanksgiving the house got a stomach bug and we all got it. One of my biggest fears is throwing up. I do whatever I can to avoid it. Now recently with the stuff with my parents and the kids “not feeling well” I’m so scared either something is actually wrong with my parents are the kids will throw up again. My mind is always so preoccupied with this and my heart races when one of the kids says their throat hurts or their stomach hurts. I just want a way to cope with it all, but I don’t really know coping for anxiety. I’m on Lexapro and have been for years. I just want to NOT be affected by this stuff. Outside of this, my life is so great right now and I feel like I can’t enjoy it because the thought of this just gives me nausea. I don’t really open up to people about this, but I thought this was a good forum. It would be nice to hear from people who have this problem.
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self.Anxiety
|
None of the IOP's in my area takes my insurance... And I'm feeling hopeless. Luckily I have therapy in half an hour. Hoping she has some suggestions.
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self.bipolar
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Cant shake bad mood i been in for 3 days. getting more violent and destructive. nothing is helping [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Anxiety and overthinking I've had anxiety for the past 6 months now and it feels like it just keeps getting worse, I've lost weight because of it, and it makes me overthink everything.
I just want advice if there's anyone who's similar if they have a way to calm down and not overthink so much.
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self.Anxiety
|
Don't ask me "how are you?" unless you mean it. Don't ask me "How are you?" or "How's life treating you?" unless you're ready for an answer other than "Ok." or "Fine."
When I ask those questions, I'm ready for a real answer because it was a real question. I'll admit my small talk sucks. But I've always hated this question.
That's not to say one person volunteered to be your hour long therapy session by asking that question but <= 3 minutes is too much to ask for?
I'll share a positive experience. I went through a drive thru--through the speaker box, the attendant was smiling through the mic. You could tell. I approach the next window and saw their face. This person was having a day--I asked "Hi, how are you?". Within 2 minutes they were able to tell me that they were a little tired as a single parent but glad to be healthy as well has their daughter. They showed me a quick picture and we both genuinely laughed/smiled. It felt as though a decent and wholesome interaction was something we both needed.
It was that simple. I'm not sure why honesty isn't that simple for a lot of folks. The truth isn't meant to be painful. Just truthful.
If I ask you "How you are?"--know damn well I mean it.
"How are you?"
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self.depression
|
Im new to this and very confused and afraid I had my first ever panic attack recently.
I dont know how to control this feeling anymore, ever since I had one, Ive been deathly afraid of having another one. If Im under the blankets and Im hot, I begin to have symptoms of anxiety.
It is very hard for me to fall asleep as well.... I get hot, nauseous, my heart starts to pound, and im scared for my life.
I never felt like this before... its really scary to me.
Im tired almost all day, I cant think about anything else, my school work is the last thing on my mind when I feel like Im dying.
Guys - please help. Im so TIRED OF THIS FEELING. NO MATTER WHAT I DO I CANT SHAKE THIS FEELING OUT OF ME.
I really need some one who understands to try to calm me down.
Maybe theres some kind of natural medication that would help me, any recommendations, or just any response would be so appreciated.
I dread trying to go to bed. I cant relax.
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self.Anxiety
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I don't want to be this kind of person. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My school had a retreat ;) It was an on campus retreat and everybody was having fun. We missed a school day to play capture the flag and doge ball. All the students loved it but me. They all had friends, groups and cliques. I walked around alone trying to look occupied. Then they told us to make teams. I desperately wanted to disappear. My chest felt like I was squeezing into my heart. Like the feeling you get in your mouth after eating a lime. But painful. I just looked at my feet until a teacher dragged me into another team of already acquainted friends. I felt like a nuisance to them. I’ve been distracting myself from my depression lately, but this retreat only made me realize how far I’ve become from society. I just want a friend. Someone who would hug me when my chest was in pain. Someone who would listen to my psycopathic rants. Someone who would love me, and look forward to seeing me. I daydream of this perfect friend so much I sometimes talk to this idea. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m sometimes scared I’ll jump out of my seat and knock down the whole classroom. What’s wrong with me
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self.depression
|
December 20, 2018 I seriously don'y know what to do by this point in life. I'm still in highschool, I haven't talked with my parents about my problems, I don't ever want them finding out that they have done a shitty job in raising me by finding out that I self-harm and that I just have such suicidal thoughts... they just don't get it. I gave a small hint to my mom that I was to the verge of killing myself and she said "don't be stupid and just focus on your studies". BUT I CAN'T!!! I have repressed these thoughts and negative emotions for 6 years now and the moment I get to college I'm just going to blow up and commit suicide, I just know it, I feel like and I've even dreamed about it. I just don't feel like getting better because I can't find myself trying to look for the better in myself if I'm just a disgrace to my family in general. I just don't know what to do with my life and I just found this subreddit and felt like venting out here since I can't really do that with my friends that much as well. I just want to end it all, I have the date planned an everything.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Friend says "I don't believe you" about one of my triggers I'm sure other people have experienced some form this as well.
In my specific situation, I'm dealing with a friend who smokes weed a lot. They (like any smoker) will always offer me a hit. I always pass, and we've had conversations about it before, where I explain that smoking weed triggers my anxiety. I get jittery, anxious, short of breath, paranoid, and it usually culminates in a sense of doom and me sobbing trying to reconnect with reality.
Today my anxiety was especially bad, and they offered to pack a bowl. I said "no thank you, that would probably just make this worse, as I've explained before. Thank you tho," because I know their intentions are good, they just want to help.
Then they respond with "I don't believe you." They explained how smoking always helps *them* "calm down."
I got kind of defensive and said "what, you think I'm just making this up?"
They responded with something stupid and contradictory like "no, but I think it really would help you if you just would calm down."
That kind of statement from a friend kind of seems to lack empathy. They can't understand my experience, so they just pretend it isn't real. What the fuck?
This is one of the worse instances of someone trivializing one of my anxiety triggers. I'm sure you've all experienced some sort of that as well. It's so frustrating.
Should I confront my friend further about how I felt when they said that?
EDIT: I posted this 5 days ago and am just now responding to comments. I guess I needed some time to take a break from thinking about the topic and cool down. Thanks to everyone who responded with ideas & empathy. One of the major reasons I love this sub <3
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self.Anxiety
|
I have a date this Friday, and I am thinking how I am going to muck it up. I asked a woman, whom I hardly know, out the beginning of this month. Well-over a week has passed, and she ended up asking me out this past week. At the time I asked her out, she told me something like "I am sorry, I have a boyfriend, but thank you." I went on with my day. I see her whenever I go to the gym, and I still hardly know her. I do not know how I did it, but I kept going to the gym after being rejected. Even though we have a date this Friday, I am ruminating negative thoughts. Perhaps she only asked me out out on a dare. Maybe I do not deserve to spend time with her, maybe I am not ready for dating yet, maybe... this or that. I am afraid of being myself, what is *be yourself* even mean? Maybe I do not really know myself. I am afraid of finding out we are not a good fit. Maybe I am afraid of the possibility of having a good time. Regardless, I am scared. Hah, more scared than my calculus II exam.
Waiting for a text and coming up with a text is triggering my anxiety to run a muck. I do not know what I say or do is appropriate; I believe it is hard to say what is right and wrong to do or say with all individuals - everyone is different. I am afraid I may scare her or make her uncomfortable. Instead of wanting to challenge myself I rather want to avoid the situation as a whole. Man, I am scared. Humans are complicated.
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self.depression
|
Do you use Wearables to Monitor yourself? Like triggers, Medication effects, etc. Hey everyone, I've been working on a system to integrate my wearable data with my mood data to try to figure out my triggers and how I respond to different medications. I would love some feedback on what would help you too so I could release it as an open source project. If you're interested, comment or PM, the more input the better!
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self.bipolar
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DAE Get sleep paralysis? I had the worst sleep paralysis I've ever had last night, with hallucinations and a crushing weight on my chest. I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter, I could breathe less and less deeply until I started suffocating. I thought I was dying. I wanted to move, call someone, but couldn't and I just accepted I was going to die.
Now I'm obsessed with my breathing ever since I've been up. I think I'm developing a phobia of suffocating. :( I keep "checking" if I'm still breathing, and I find my patterns are weird.
I'm also scared of going back to sleep.
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self.Anxiety
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Anyone else here alive because death scares them? I'm not suicidal or anything, but I don't actually have any reasons to be alive. No friends, no family, no money, no good job, no hobbies, no passion, etc....
I'm just alive because I don't feel like killing myself...as in I don't want to do the dying part of it.
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self.depression
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Really irritated at the moment Does anyone else get really irritated when people throw around the word bipolar? I’m talking about the people who are not diagnosed and have no idea what bipolar really is. Yet they throw the word around all he time because they were acting “crazy”. I really shouldn’t be bothered by this, but I’m really irritable so yea.
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self.bipolar
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Does anybody have anything positive to say about Depakote? My Psychiatrist just put me on 1000mg of Depakote. While I was in his office he really sold the Depakote, saying that he had just attended a conference about that and lithium and all their neuroprotective properties and the control of brain inflammation,etc. then I got home and looked up reviews and haven’t really found anything positive almost all negative actually. Does anybody have anything good to say about Depakote?
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self.bipolar
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Hello, Reddit, the only place I can safely express how fed up I am. Today, I looked at my bank account to find that we have 50 dollars left to last the week. Yeah, okay. We can do that. But I also took a look at the spending.
Pokemon Go is literally destroying my marriage. One hundred and eighty dollars has been spent this month on digital bullshit for free apps. Last month, it was forty. The month before it was one hundred and thirty. We aren't rich. And my car, our only car, is sitting in the driveway until at least $400 worth of work is put into it. Everytime payday comes around, it's gone before anything can be put back for it.
So how does he get to work, you ask? Ooooh, just let me tell you. In addition to staying home with our own son so we don't have to pay for daycare, and several other reasons that I won't get into, I babysit his coworker's HELLISH daughter, and she pays me a small sum and takes him to work. They tear apart my house on a daily fucking basis. It's unreal. They work third shift, so if she wakes up before I do in the morning, something in my house will be destroyed. I feed them, I entertain them, I clean up after them, I put them to bed, and then I go and clean the rest of the house. Sometimes *gasp* I skip that last part and sit down to watch some tv or play a game or something.
So I confront my husband about his FUCKING STUPID spending, nicer than this, but not too much nicer because after I have literally BEGGED for him to stop, I don't care anymore. Maybe if I just point out how much it adds up to, something will click.
Nope. "This again?" "Am I not entitled to something fun when I'm the one who works?" "Maybe if I CAME HOME TO THE DISHES DONE..." I fucking broke. We aren't speaking. He leaves dishes all over the house for me to pick up. I don't ask him to do anything around the house on a regular basis but take out the trash. I cook every god damn thing we eat in this house. And yes. My house stays pretty fucking clean except for a handful of dishes that usually get left for the next day after dinner with the kids. I pick up his dirty laundry. I put his shoes away when he leaves them every god damn day for me to trip over in some random unpredictable place. I throw away the reciepts he leaves on the counter, file the work papers that get left on the table, put away every box or bag of anything he ever takes out of the cabinet. His three year old son picks up after himself better than this man that wants to sit here and SUGGEST I DON'T DO ENOUGH. That me not doing the dishes is reason enough to send me into anxiety attacks waiting for the fucking day that he spends and we don't have enough for our fucking bills.
And even better? He knows that my one "friend" who stuck around after I didn't have transportation anymore decided to dump a bunch of really hurtful shit on me the other day, since she recently found someone else to talk to. He knows that I've been in severe pain for two days, thanks to problems that may also cause infetility. He knows that our financial situation and my current medical problems have me absolutely FUCKING heartbroken that I may never have another baby. I love my son with all my heart, but the thought that he may be my only child, that the door might be fucking closed, does not make me feel grateful. All I ever wanted was a family. What I got was a son and a man who doesn't care how his actions affect others.
The only god damn thing worth living for is my kid.
Edit: I feel like I need to add a little update to this. Thank you all so much for the encouragement and advice. I don't know if any of you will see this since it was two days ago and reddit always moves on pretty fast. But I don't intend to leave my husband without exhausting all of my other options first. He infuriates me to no end, but I love him, and I'm not entirely without blame myself. Anxiety and cabin fever can sometimes turn me into a rage monster. With most of the people I used to confide in being busy with their own lives, and also an attempt to not make my family turn against my husband, fairly anonymous internet forums seem like the only place to turn to when I just really need to vent.
Things are tense, but we are speaking after some time to cool down. The kiddo is just as happy (and oblivious) as ever, although I also must mention that I may have exaggerated. He makes messes with the best of them, and only cleans up with mommy right behind him lol.
I think part of me knew writing this that while I could do it on my own, I don't want to, and I don't want to give up all the good parts of our relationship for the bad. You can think I'm being silly or delaying the inevitable, the latter could be totally true, but I've found contentment in at least 80% of my days, and bad days seem to be fewer and fewer the more we get our footing back after 2016's garbage dump of crises. While the other days still throw me, it's more than I can honestly say I've ever had. When we're not in the midst of a fight, I even have someone to take on those bad days with me.
I am grateful for my life, but sometimes I just need to rant and rave into the void to quiet the rage monster within me, so I can be a better mom, friend, sister, daughter, and, yes, even wife. Thanks for giving me a place to do that :)
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self.offmychest
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