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Still having a really hard time with break up [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm terrified of letting my siblings drive They both are at the age where they need to learn to drive, but have anxiety and are very bad at it. Unfortunately, I am a frequent passenger because they need someone old enough with a drivers license in the car in order to legally drive. It's fucking scary man. I don't wanna die early or be maimed because my shitty-driver siblings get us into an accident or some shit. The other day one was practicing driving on the beltway (DC) because eventually they WILL have to drive on it, and nearly fucking hit the barrier between our exit and the road because they got all anxious after almost missing the exit and had that moment of "fuck what do I do". I understand the feeling especially because there's fucking maniacs going 80 down the lane to the left but Idk man it just has me freakin' shaken up, you know? On top of that they're still shitty at slowing down enough on the exit ramp to not be flying around the bend if that makes sense. Sorry just had to get this off my chest. I legit worry for my life when I'm in the car with them.
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self.offmychest
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My death could have saved a relationship About 1,5 month ago I had an unsuccessful suicide attempt that no one knows. 1 week ago my best friends(who also happen to be a couple) broke up, because she cheated on him. I can't stop thinking, if I died when I should have died, none of this would have happen, or at least won't come up to the surface. They would have been thought how temporary the life actually is, they could have fixed the relationship with that message. I know some people might say "Yeah but she cheated on him?", she did that because one of her closest friends(me) couldn't recognise her histrionic behaviour patterns earlier. It could have been intervened, I was the only person who could have done it, because I am/was the only one who read that much about psychiatry/psychology in our friends circle.
Inevitably I feel responsible and guilty for all the suffering of my friends, although I don't deserve it I just want this off my chest.
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self.offmychest
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I stopped thinking "It will get better" I realised why I'm depressed. It's not just the chemical imbalance in my brain. It's the way I think and what I see as truth.
Nothing has meaning. There's no reason for anything to exist and we're just lying to ourselves when we do give things meaning.
Deep down it's what I think. Nothing can change it, you could say I'm incredibly stubborn.
Yet I still follow what's supposed to be a normal life because I'm the biggest hypocrite in this planet. I hate myself for that. I hate myself for not having enough courage to end my meaningless existance.
You could say that I mean something to other people, but do their feelings serve any greater purpose?
I'm just a pathetic nihilist.
I used to have hope for the future. I used to think I'd get over this eventually. I now see that it's not going to happen. I already see the world, the universe, this way, and nothing will ever change it.
I'll keep lying to myself with fake happiness until I finally decide to grow a pair and end it.
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self.depression
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Why? Why do I keep going?
Why can't I just die?
Why can't some "horrible" event happen to me instead of someone who wants to live?
Why can't I never wake up again?
Why can't I do it?
Why do I wake up ever morning just to deal with life's crap and want to die every I lay down to sleep?
Why can't I do anything right?
Why do I put myself through this torture?
Why won't I just end it already?
Why can't I stop existing?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm struggling so much in college socially and haven't been happy in weeks I feel like I'm stuck. I was worried that my friends I made here didnt truly like me and I made that true. In the past 2 weeks I messed up things bad with two people I used to be good friends with and put strain on the whole group. I can't help but feel that everyone now feels like I just shouldn't be friends with any of them and that I just make everything worse with my presence. I love my college itself but I hate the situation I placed myself in and I see no out except for transferring to some place I know id be less happy at but at least have people there who didnt hate me.
Break is coming up and I feel like I'm going into it in an awful state thats gonna destroy me mentally because I can't fix things at all, nevertheless the short time before I leave. I also know when we get back from break my friends aren't gonna want to be around me, and Im going to be completely alone and miserable.
Thanks for reading my rant
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self.depression
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Empty, Alone, and Sad I feel so empty. I feel incredibly alone. I have no friends, but when I try to make friends, my depression won’t let me keep up with them. I get so excited to meet new people, but I can’t maintain the momentum. I stop replying to messages. They stop trying. No matter how hard I try to push myself, it doesn’t work. I end up sleeping all day and hating myself. I feel worthless, stupid, ugly.
I have a lot of ambition, hope, and desire, but I can’t follow through on any of it. I have goals. Can’t even attempt to achieve them. I keep falling further behind in school. I’m already 26 without a degree. I feel like I’m never going to finish or achieve anything. Like, I want to lose weight, but I don’t have the discipline to manage my cravings or to push myself to exercise regularly. It’s starting to feel pointless to try.
Now, it’s the holiday season and things feel even worse. I don’t have a family outside of my kids. I miss the big Christmases I always had with my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the whole lot of my extended family. All that is gone now for me. My kids don’t have it on either side of their family. They’re never going to know what that’s like, and I’m never going to have it again. I feel isolated from the world, but I’m too far gone to follow through on reaching out and doing anything about it. I feel like giving up completely. What’s the use?
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self.depression
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I can careless about my life. I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself but starting tomorrow, I'm just going on a rampage, b/c I just don't give a fuck anymore. I may end up in jail, in a mental facility or even worse. I don't see any happiness in the near future, as negativity keeps piling up. It's hard to stay positive when negative shit always go on. For those who believe in God, I feel like He's punishing me and wants to see me suffer, so I'm do him a big favor and jump start the process of my suffering. I don't see a reason to keep going, besides the fact that I have an unborn son on the way. I don't want him to suffer like me, I want his life to be better than mine.
I just can't take it anymore, my life is frustrating as hell. My car was stolen, both of my bank accounts are compromised, I'm depressed, I'm just tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to deal with a terrible but functional family [deleted]
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self.depression
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fuck extremely close. ope withdrawal no money no food no drugs. no friends no phone plan cant call my family. totally alone sober laying in bed for the last 2 days wondering what the fuck is left. nothing. im tired of doing this. playing out every fucked up decision i made in my pathetic 23 years. guarantee its no loss. all i want is a pack of cigarettes to give me something to stretch out wd. i have $3 that im saving for ramen from dollar tree. not paying rent next month. fuck it all. i dug myself into this hole and ill die in it. the only thing that matters to me any more is money. fuck everyone. if i live the next two days. fuck you. fuck everyone you know and ever knew. fuck everything. nobodys ever given a shit about me. i am done trying fuck them., i dont care who im hurting to get money and stability and drugs. i dont care if i die in the process. fuck everything. im worthless nothing i can leave at any point i might as well try to enjoy it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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does depression make anyone else physically ill? i feel like shit mentally and physically and i'm terrified :( and all at the time when i have received horrible news..
edit: thank you everybody who has commented and whoever else might want to share their experience. every single one of you has alleviated my depressive thoughts and anxiety. thank you. i hope this post has done the same for some of you aswell.
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self.depression
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rapid cycling bipolar and addicted to mania I'm pretty sure I have rapid cycling bipolar as well as being addicted to mania. I havent been diagnosed, I have however been diagnosed with depression but I dont think thats accurate. I go through highs and lows on a daily basis, I could wake up and be feeling high and then later in the day I'll be feeling really low. Occasionally I'll have a hyper mania episode, which seems to happen when I've been drinking. Also on my 2nd day of taking anti depressants I had one of these episodes. I recently stopped taking antidepressants because I missed the highs. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to mania, I want to be who am when I'm manic all the time, I feel like that's the real me, that version of me is awesome. Creative, funny, happy. The more I think about it the more apparent it is. I love energy drinks because stimulants can trigger my mania, for example.
I dont really know why I'm posting this, just felt like sharing I guess.
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self.bipolar
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Opened up about my depression and i lost 4 friends haha yeah
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self.depression
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all the recent suicide posts and their general message [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don't want to live into next year or the future. Before the clock strikes twelve tonight, I wish to be gone. Forever. So here I am again, at another new years celebration time after 2017 flew by. I just can't do this life thing anymore, its so stupid and pointless, I just don't care anymore, I wouldn't be losing much being dead. I have nothing to live for, and I am a loser. Im sick and tired of this life, and I just want to move on. I am due to turn 21 now, and you know what, TO HELL WITH THAT! Id like to die now, as a young person. I don't want to live into the future, I don't want to grow old, the way I see it, things are all getting progressively worse, and I feel like the future will be miserable. There is no point in continuing anymore. I don't like myself, I don't like what I see in the mirror, I don't like the time I was born into, I don't like my situation, I don't like my own personality, Everything about myself and my life I HATE THIS WORLD, I don't want to continue to be a part of it. It is extremely unfair, and horrifically materialistic. There just isn't any point, Its over. So maybe i'll get out my old power saw and slash myself open. Thats how I should die. The death of a person filled with self hatred, should die in the most brutal way possible.
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self.depression
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I think this is it, I finally want to die. I've lost the only part of my life that made me feel good and human I keep wanting to get up and find the nearest way to end it all...
I've been in limbo with my girlfriend. She doesn't love me anymore, not that way. She says she loves me as a best friend. She wants to see what else is out there
I don't know how to feel, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her
9 years over in a moment, I think I'm ready to give up, I thought I had companionship forever
Please help me
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self.SuicideWatch
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Stable but Struggling I'm glad to say that I've been stable for the past 4 or 5 months, but it seems like my bipolar is still affecting me. I'll go through long periods where I have all the motivation I need. After that, I go through long periods of no motivation at all.
I don't know if there is something I can do about this. I'm on medication including adhd meds and am in therapy. The winter season doesn't seem to be helping either.
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self.bipolar
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every night I have these vivid paranoid visions of someone breaking in I'm new to this thread but felt this was the place for this issue. I recently started doing a lot of introspection and am realizing I could probably be diagnosed with a few different things (abandonment issues, anxiety, ADD, bipolar disorder, manic depressive possibly?). I am looking into seeing a therapist asap.
Within the last week or so I've been having these vivid paranoid visions (idk how else to describe them, I would call them nightmares but I'm awake). I'll be sitting on my couch and as it starts to get dark I feel very anxious and in danger. I live in a relatively safe area but I feel like someone is going to come onto my balcony and into my door. Even at 6pm I feel this danger. Nothing like this has ever happened near me, nothing so extreme has ever happened to me. It's like every night I've been having these illusions that make me feel terrible. I even concocted this situation where I thought my ex would come in and shoot me... where these thoughts come from I have no idea. I am always a realist and try to be prepared for worst case scenarios but this last week these feelings have been over the top. Like not only preparing for worst case scenario but having a physiological response to prepare for these things, high HR, aware, sweaty. I do live with a roommate but she doesn't get home until close to 8 usually. I just feel like something bad is going to happen.
Any suggestions are welcome for how to cope or help this situation?
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self.Anxiety
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Therapy My first session of therapy started Wednesday. Which sparked a depressive episode... which last time I went home it did also. There is just so much heavy stuff in my family it's hard to handle. I've been having very vivid dreams while my brain tries to sort it all out.
I'm okay but at the same time I don't feel okay. I'm not sure how to explain it past that.
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self.bipolar
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Made my first therapist appointment tomorrow night. Taking my boyfriend with me for moral support. I can’t do this anymore.
What did you do to get through the anxiety of opening up?
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self.depression
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FEARLESS FRIDAYS MEGA THREAD. Here we discuss embarrassing stories, funny stories, WTF stories, and everything in between. Need to get something off your chest? Here's the place to do it. Not yet diagnosed and want to ask a question? Feel free to do it here. Pretty much anything goes in Fearless Fridays
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self.bipolar
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I blew my final chance, I do not deserve to be my mother's son. I want to die but it would kill her. Fuck. I blew my last chance at uni. I'm at a fairly good law school in the UK in my 2nd year but this time, I've not attended any lectures or tutorials. I'm done for. My mom who's loved me all this while is gonna be devastated, and that makes me feel even worse.
Why has depression got to be a thing, why cant we all just be farmers, living content lives, why did I have to strive to get into a good law school so I could earn $$$$$, only to not be good enough like the rest of them and die to depression.
Why.
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self.depression
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28 Male | Who has never been in any relationship, is hurting inside because of it. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I could really use some advice. My life has spiraled completely out of control (again). The short version of things is that I've been diagnosed BP for about ten years at this point. I'm 26 years old. I've tried pretty much every medication that exists for these issues, and sometimes one or a combination will work for me for a few moths in a row and then it will stop and I'll be back at square one. I'm also currently incredibly dependent on Adderall- if I don't take it I can barely stay awake during normal hours and I'm so tired I'm useless to anyone.
Just a couple months ago I had managed to get everything together again- I had a good job, an amazing relationship, a nice place to live, etc. And then the BP took over again... I lost my job (again- I've lost every job I've ever had when this happens). The relationship ended because I couldn't do my part in keeping it or myself together (again- every time I manage to find some happiness I an't keep it because of this stupid disorder). I owe money to so many different places that I can't even keep track. This is a pattern I'm used to- this is another in a long pattern of managing to stabilize, thinking I'll be able to make things work "this time", and then having everything fall apart. This time though, things have really and truly spiraled out of control. I now have no job, need to find a new place to live, my meds aren't working, I'm so physically addicted to adderall that I'm useless without it, and I just simply can't find the will to do anything. I have no idea what to do....
I only have enough savings to survive a couple of months on barebones living right now. I honestly owe so much to various different places that I'll simply never be able to pay it all back this lifetime. I have no idea how I'll find another job and be able to do it feeling like I do right now- I'm so very far into depression that the only reason I have the energy to come here seeking help is the adderall. Even if I do manage to find another job, I know I'll just end up losing it the next time I fall into one of these deep, dark holes I always manage to find myself in.
I don't know what to do. I can't keep living this pattern- every time things fall apart (and they always do) it is worse than the last time. I've managed to lose everything this time- the great job I had found, the nice place I was living, the awesome friends I had made but that I cut out when the depression started to really hit hard, and the debt I've managed to get myself into, plus the addiction to adderall, etc... How can I possibly come back from this? Even if I do somehow manage to come back from this one, what happens when it all falls apart even worse next time? Life feels so completely hopeless right now that the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that I don't want to break my mothers heart by giving up...
What I guess I'm asking is this because I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. Are there any resources I could try to go to in order to save myself this time? I feel more lost and helpless than I have ever felt, and that is saying something since those are emotions I'm incredibly familiar with.
I just want to be able to have a decent life. I can't keep living this cycle of managing to piece things back together very briefly only to fall back down even deeper into dire circumstances just a few months later. I just want to be able to live without being in constant fear of my disorder, my medication failing, the debt im in/money issues, all of it. I can't do it anymore. The only thing I have going for me is that I would never be able to end my own life no matter how bad things get simply because I wouldn't be able to put my mom and little brother through that pain just to be selfish. At the same time though I can't go on like this. This can't be what my life is going to be like. I don't know how to save myself this time.
I wish I didn't have to live with this curse. I wish that just once my treatment wouldn't end up failing. Most of all though, I wish I could go back to the life I had manged to put together before it all fell apart again. For another brief moment I got to see what having a good life was like, and now it's all gone again.
I'm begging, if anyone has any ideas or resources I might be able to try I really need them. I don't have much time before I'm out of savings and the only thing that could make my situation worse right now is being out of money. I want so badly to imagine that there is some way that I might end up making it through this... I just want a decent life without all of this constant fear, without having to start over from scratch every time my medication stops working, etc. I am so incredibly lost, alone, and defeated right now that I don't know what to do. This can't be how things are always going to be for me. I don't want to suffer like this until it ends up killing me somehow.
I guess overall I'm just trying to reach out for ideas, because I am out of them. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can possibly get out of the situation I've come to be in, and even if I do manage to I can't keep living this cycle. I don't know how I can live anything that resembles a normal, decent life when every time I manage to fix things it all falls apart again but worse the next time I fall into this. Even if I do find a new job, I know I'll end up losing it due to this disorder eventually, etc...
That's all I've got. I'm sorry this post got so long... I just need ideas, or resources/thoughts I guess. Thank you.
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self.bipolar
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I have a group project and my group mates are just... Surprisingly great. We’re all on the same page and everyone carries their weight responsibly. First time in my life anything like this has happened. Group projects will always suck but at least this one didn’t as much.
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self.offmychest
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OT, if you wanted work exposure to a mental health population would you opt for youth addictions or forensics? For a practicum. Youth addictions are youth with addictions (obv) and with possible concurrent disorders, whereas forensics is with a population that was found not criminally responsible for a crime due to their psychiatric illness(es).
I figure the latter is more hands on, but thought I'd get your ideas? This is for recreation therapy so it's not like i'm offering counseling or anything.
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self.bipolar
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A moment that happened with my ex-girlfriend that has stuck with me for the last 2.5yrs, always wanted to get it off my chest and maybe get others opinions....and now I found this sub! [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm drained and don't even want to bother making everything "good" I have asperger and never fit in, besides that, since I was a kid I never really felt there was a reason to live (fyi: I wasn't suicidal or anything back then, I just saw no point in living or dying).
Anyway, I tried to fit in, I tried to meet new people, I am in therapy, and it isn't helping at all.
And please don't say "try a different therapy". See, my whole life long I've been thrown from doctor to doctor, from here to there and non if it ever helped.
I'm also tired of human beings.
They always lie, abandon, hurt you and then they act like nothing happened, even though they just made someone really depressed and pushed him to the edge.
Well tbh, there have only been 2 people I felt living for. Only 2 times did I feel like living in these 18 years of pain.
But they both abandoned me.
I'm also tired of always acting like everything is fine and thinking about suicide every day for the last whole year and a half.
I'm empty, drained, really freaking depressed, don't want to go to school anymore and just want to freaking kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My experience with Depression and Anxiety I first began to get anxiety and depression when my dad pressured me to study all the time, he punched me and did alot of things. He made me feel isolated and depressed, Everyday was depressing. I isolated myself for 2 years and hurt myself, my dad didn’t care, he drank his alcohole all the time. Life has been very depressing for me, even if I live with my mother now I still feel depressed and isolated, I wish I could feel joy and hapiness but I don’t, I can be myself while I am with my mother but I simply can’t stand school, it’s a prison that makes me feel even more depressed, none of my ”classmates” take class seriously, they scream and ajour and act like silly children all the time, I go through alot of pain, imagine walking down a road by yourself, the only thing you can feel is depression and anxiety while others enjoy life. I have lived depressed and anxious for 2 years now and I still dont feel fine, I want some support by you all eight now, I don’t enjoy being stuck on my sad thoughts all day long, I want to enjoy these 2 hours before I have school tommorow, I feel nothing but pain and sadness right now, thanks for reading.
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self.depression
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Are those the sign of depression? -i dont feel like living anymore
-I sometimes cant sleep
-I think too much about stuff
-Sometimes i dont want to eat either
-I feel being alive feels nothing, like a body without soul.
-I dont have a will to live anymore
-I dont have hobbies or stuff too. im always bored
-Just had a break up
-Cant get horny anymore
-My heart feels empty
-i dont have friends
-im alone always
-i want to kill my self
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self.depression
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I've been normal for 3 days now sort off today total depression anxiety can't see the psychiatrist for a week!!! I've taken anxiety pills stressed out, don't want to upset my family. Any suggestions to control this??
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self.bipolar
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I'm kind of stuck. this may not be your average post. I'd like to start off by saying that I take this subreddit and subject very seriously, so everything I say I'm saying in complete honesty with my heart in hand. I am 21 years old and have been battling with depression and impulsive suicidal activities and attempts since high school. I'm not sure if deep down I don't want to die, but want to know how it feels to be so close to death. these times come and go, but I feel as if now I'm waiting for something drastic enough to occur to personally justify suicide. like really. if something happens that justifies me going into autopilot and just ending it all. I had gotten a dui going 80 in a 35 and running 3 red lights. I knew what I was doing. I feel that if that hadn't happened, id already be dead. I continue feeling this way on and off, but am afraid to say anything because I don't want people to see me as the boy who cried suicide, but also have been intercepted of suicide enough times to believe that these interceptions have happened for a reason. I'm just confused, I think it would help to get this off my chest. this is serious so please don't think I take it lightly. thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
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logic I'm going to die someday anyway
Life is pointless
Why not get it over with
I don't have any desires. I don't have any dreams. I don't care. I do not enjoy life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Failing uni, 22 years of no real friends, dysfunctional family, moving closer to suicide everyday I'm two years into university and I'm expected to fail nearly all my courses this semester, I already failed some courses last year, for some reason, I am unable to learn any more, I am unable to concentrate, I no longer have any interest in course work, when I read philosophy articles, I instantly forget what I've read, and programming is becoming more and more boring and frustrating to me, I feel like I'm not fit for the courses, as I feel that I'm not smart. I dreamt of becoming a web developer and I don't even know if the university course I'm doing is even the right path (BSc CS major)
I struggle to be positive everyday for a long time. I've been thinking about killing myself, I often tell my parents about it but they don't really help me but think it's me being too lazy and selfish, they think its my personality and attitude that's the problem, they think I have a very privileged life and don't have the right to want to kill myself, (because I live in their house and don't have to worry about accommodation and can eat for free) my mother especially likes to makes me feel worthless by constantly reminding me of my own personal flaws, that being forgetfulness, being insensitive or have low emotional intelligence.
I don't really have a real friend ever, or anyone I can trust, for me, I believed I tried my best to be genuine to people during high school, but no one really liked me, I often fantasize about going out with friends, feeling cared for and loved.
Throughout last few years, I became more cynical to people, and doubtful of my future, and hate humanity and people in general. I sometimes feel like everyone is against me, and nothing I say is worthwhile.
The last few weeks have been particularly depressing for me as I am shouldered by the thought that I'm going to fail this semester and I don't know what to explain to my parents.
They would probably kick me out of the house, and in which case, I'm thinking of just kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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First nightmare since childhood When i was around 8 years old i was in a church like daycare where a man waited until i was alone in the bathroom to push me down and pull my pants off i remember strongly how vulnerable i felt at the moment. I held my hands firmly on my jeans i couldnt cry out my mind was racing because i was scared but i recall the button that holds my jeans together popping off and staring at the man who's face i can no longer remember. And today i dreamed that i was constricted on the ground of a white room with bright light shining through the windows and a man talking to me. I couldnt understand all that he was saying but i knew that he was going to force himself on me. So i start screaming help and i feel his feet on my own. So i continue to scream for help and i cant even see his face and i wake up still calling for help as my cat is on top of my pressing against my chest and i scream and by instinct throw it across the room. Wtf should i take from this i am lonely depressed with suicidal thoughts.
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self.depression
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How do I say fuck you without feeling bad? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Am I going through depression? Lately I've been sleeping around 6 in the morning and waking up at 5 at night the next day. Now obviously this isn't the only sign of depression, but I think I've been doing this from a lack of motivation. A lack of motivation to get up and brush my teeth before I sleep and when I get up in the morning, going to the gym, finding a job or even eating breakfast. :/
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self.depression
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Can't really explain it, but having made the decision is making me extremely happy! I've been debating suicide for a long time. It's always been filled with loads of dread, depression and sadness.
I'd been feeling this way for a few weeks. I completely wrecked my finances, spent all my money on cocaine and lets just say I pretty much ruined my name and social security.
So tonight I started thinking seriously about this and having made the decision is making me extremely happy. There's no doubt anymore. There's nothing to worry about. I'm going to have the best christmas I can possibly have with my family, I'm going to enjoy the next few days to the fullest. I love my family so much and I'm doing them some short term harm but in the long run it's for the best.
I hope you all have an awesome christmas. Try to enjoy as much of it as you can :)
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I know if I'm in a manic or mixed epsiode? Diagnosed BP 1 after a scary fully manic episode with psychosis 10 months ago. While seeing a psychiatrist and recovering (which took a long time) I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety disorder which I'd known about for a while. Taking Lamictal and Lexapro and they seem to be working well. For the past week my sleep has been all screwed up due to late hockey games. I've gotten the feeling of being tired but also awake. Lack of energy but still wanting to do lots of things. I've been a little all over the place in terms of starting projects, not finishing them and moving on to the next one. Not new for me and I've been trying to force myself to finish one thing before moving on to the next. Not sure how to tell what is an episode and what is not. Any advice is appreciated.
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self.bipolar
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What is the most dangerous thing about depression? I always feel this pain in me when I get depressed. I have been suffering from depression since childhood. When I was a child I used to cry a lot. My parents died when I was 3 so I was alone for a long time. I am still alone. Please tell me whats the worst about depression. I need help
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self.depression
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So... am I going to get Fat? I'm currently taking 30 mg Celexa and 10 mg Buspar. I've been on the Celexa for about 2 months, although I started small (10 mg) and just started 30 mg about two weeks ago. I've had very few side effects and it's definitely effective for my anxiety and my OCD. I'm really happy with it, and it's not as activating as Prozac was.
Prozac also made me gain a little bit of weight. However, I suspect that some of it was increased water retention (it came off super easily) and I was definitely eating more (I didn't care as much). I am currently mid-recovery for an eating disorder after relapsing this summer and I have a BMI of about 19. I'd like to stay there, or at least be around 20. I haven't gained anything on the SSRI yet, and my appetite has gone from null to (according to my nutritionist) normal and healthy. I've been in the mood for carbs a little more, but I also have some intellectual control over eating them because sugar makes me feel sick, so I avoid it for that reason. I drink black coffee and generally have very small portions.
But... what if my metabolism slows down and my TDEE becomes, like, 1000 cals? I mean, could that happen? Again, I eat very little naturally and I haven't gained yet, but it seems like *everyone* gains on this medication. I also have normal energy and I walk a lot, but these people are claiming to gain a ton of weight while eating hardly anything and working out and it scares me. I understand gaining because I eat more, but what if I don't? I value my body and there is nothing more I would hate than being fat. But am I doomed to it unless I get off this medication... this medication that has helped dig me out of a horrible cycle of anxiety and compulsive behavior?
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self.Anxiety
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I’ve lost my personality/identity, how do I get it back? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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What did you do in the end? I can relate a lot to your story. What did you decide?
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to cope with friends leaving for college? Its that time of the year, semester, where peeps leave for college. Its making me super depressed with my 2 best friends whom I made my senior year are leaving town for college later in January. I'm not doing the same, and not only do I feel like I'm being left behind, I feel like our friendship will fade. Its really hitting me hard.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just wrote this rap to let out some feelings I want a better life but I’m lazy. With my head in the sand everything’s a bit hazy. My mood is a trench coat. Hide the weapon in her slit throat. It’s a dull note. I wish I was smart. But smarts come from hard work but it’s just so hard to start. And so hard to stay on track when my minds so far gone not sure I’ll ever get it back. I feel so spacious , a million miles in between every point so replaceless. I feel so voiceless. Is this my life, a life of no choices? Avoiding everybody that comes into contact with me? Being who I think they want me to be. But I don’t actually know shit about my cognivity . I’m sad. I’ve done wrong I’ve done bad and I hold it all inside til my insides rot like old meat in a bag. It’s putrid. And then I look at myself and I’m puking. Disgusted with the weight of it. I want to runaway but instead I take a sit, Down on the ground but I want to go deeper. Bury myself alive I’m definitely not a keeper. Ima a creeper. I’m a walking skeleton like the grim reaper. They tell me to wake up but I’m a permanent sleeper. Caught up in this dream that never seems to get easier. Am I good or bad? I don’t think I’m either. No one is I guess. But I could do better. I know I can and that’s what everyone wants. Me most of all. Everyone around me is running but I’m just learning to crawl. And every time I stand I fall. Feels like gravity’s my worst enemy and the gravity of the situations is making me cave. My heads a cave. An ocean of nothing but recycled garbage. In a room of fully formed butterflies I’m just a larvae. Feel like I outta carve a line into my skin to let out the pressure from deep within. But I won’t cause I’m stronger than that. I’ll do better I know that I can so I will do that. Well this is the end of my rap. Wake me up after I take this 100 year nap.
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self.depression
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Bipolar sexual fantasy Hello all, I am not bipolar and the last thing I want to do is be insulting. I respect everybody and I’m very intrigued about your other world that I don’t get to know.
Anyway, I met this wonderful guy 2 weeks ago. We went on two dates and he told me on the second date that he was bipolar. It took me by surprised and he gave me a lot of information. I can’t say I remember it all. After doing my research I think he is in a normal phase since I met him. Which makes me feel very lucky to have caught his attention during that time. That say, i just came out of a separation and I’m not ready to date. At least I didn’t think I was. I’m very well adjusted. I am a stable person. I i met him thinking that we would have sex and that’s it. But he never made a move. We had two dates. Shared quite a bit, lots in common. It could definitely turn into something serious if the circonstances weren’t there (and if he wanted me, I still don’t know). Now I’m looking for my next move, I am so interested in getting to know his maniac sexuality. I know it would be amazing. But is that inappropriate of me? I’m not against a relationship, but a very slow one. I guess I’m looking for advise from the best. Any thoughts guys?
Again, I’m not trying to be rude or insulting. I’m trying to be honest and truthful.
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self.bipolar
|
Don't know who to believe.. I was diagnosed BP2 about 2 months ago after a very scary breakdown. I have always had highs and lows, but sometimes reading about Mania is just not what I've ever felt. Maybe its hypomania, but can't that just mean I'm energetic and feeling good? I know I struggle with depression, and have all my life. After I got my diagnosis, I got really up up up and dyed my hair pink- and went out drinking a lot. Is that mania? Or just me? I always have had suicidal thoughts, and my imagination is just really strong. Now the more I read about BP I am learning that some of what I thought was just normal, are my own delusions or hallucinations. Like, not everyone feels like this. Which also makes me question everything.
Which makes me feel weird. I feel like I don't know who to believe. My psych definitely thinks I have bipolar. My S/O also thinks I have it. However some friends I have told say that I am fine. That I am in a toxic relationship that is making me question my sanity. Now I've got all this lithium cursing through my body that is probably also contributing to me questioning my diagnosis.
Is this just another one of those times I am trying to get myself off meds so in 6 months I can just start all over again because I actually need them?
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self.bipolar
|
title I'm 35m, I'm married with a young son. Right now I feel like complete crap and a failure. I have zero time for myself and all I do all the fucking time is work. I have a menial job where I'm not appreciated and get paid basic wage despite personally bringing in a huge sum of money to the business, so after bills have come out, mortgage has been paid and food has been bought I have hardly anything for myself. The credit card is in debt and no matter how hard I try to dig out of it something else comes along and knocks it straight back up again. I work all the hours during the week in a job where I'm not appreciated, putting a ton of money into the owners pocket but getting nothing back in return. On the days I don't work there I'm expected to do everything at home. The house is a mess because it's never cleaned, and apparently it's my fault even though I'm never here. Every evening when I get home from work I'm expected to cook the dinner. I have to do the dishes, expected to do the laundry... my day off is busier than at work, and at work I'm on my feet all day to the point they're swollen and sore. My eating habits have also spiralled and I've ballooned in weight, making me feel fat and useless.
I'm just feeling completely alone. No friends because I'm either working or looking after the boy, cooking or cleaning. I feel completely stuck and it's horrible.
And I also hate that I feel this way, especially since in many other people's eyes I'm privileged. I'm also too ashamed to talk about this to anyone I know.
I just feel completely lost. Like this is all I have until I die. I'm already 35 and running out.
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self.depression
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Having to cry myself to sleep on the night im turing 20. [deleted]
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self.depression
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In need of title. Hello. Today, im looking to write one out. It's November 27, 2017, 8:19 pm, Monday. To be honest, I waited for 8:19 to end so that I could record a clean 8:20. Other than that, I tried killing myself tonight that fails every now and then, guessing hope still remains within me. I've been thinking about it a lot these days, how I'm better off dead, how I'd write my suicide note, how I'd say "nothing" defines my life and it's entirety. Yeah, I'm depressed, I hide it with a mask of emotions that works well with my friends and family. I guess it works so because i was wearing the mask that I actually am before I got depressed.
I am depressed about everything but sometimes, i think I'm not. I guess I would know if i got clinically diagnosed as depressed by a doctor, or not. I think That's what got me depressed, Uncertainty. And got layered by vital things such as negativity, isolation, failures and whatnots. I guess what I'm certain about is that bad things leads to bad things, eventually. However, I still started that sentence with an "I guess".
I consider myself as depressed in a literate factor. I sometimes feel dark, think dark, feel nothing, think nothing, feel something, think something. That being said, I wanted whatever this feeling is to end could be by ending my life or getting better at life, either way I'm always willing for this to end as I've tried to fill this holes with hope and try to throw away the overflowing tub of darkness.
As I lay here in darkness, writing, trying to delay all instances im trying to execute with my self. Nothing interests me in this moment but to write it out, A constant shift of interest comes in way every time. The feeling of being lost and can't find something for a hint of path. The feeling of drowning and can't hold onto something to rise. The feeling of falling and can't cling to something to grasp on. Comes the feeling of wanting it to end and disregarding the "and"s and "what if"s.
I lay here in darkness, immensely trying to cry and let it out. But nothing falls.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Looking for an old member called /u/raghibAhmed He wrote a bookcalled 1-minute habits. Any idea where I can find him? I have some questions for him.
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self.Anxiety
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God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change I'm not religious nor have I ever been in AA or NA, but I think this is super important.
You really need to practice this. Build it like a muscle. Start accepting things that are easy to accept and work your way up. Also, you need to recognize the things you can't change as quickly as possible so you can cut your anxiety off before it gets uncontrollable. Do not think about things that you can't do anything about. It will not do any good. You'll never solve the problem, no matter how much thought you put into or how much you worry about it. You have to accept it. It's a skill that needs to be built up and practiced. Worrying about something means you have not accepted it.
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self.Anxiety
|
I've started exercising again Hi everybody.
I thought I'd make this post for all of you that can't fathom the task of exercise to try to get better and can hopefully lend a few tips about getting into it.
A bit of backstory first. I've got to my heaviest weight in the past year (110kg), heavy smoker and was also a heavy pot smoker in attempt to alleviate the high amount of stress from my work. I think it goes without saying due to the sub I'm posting in that like most of you I have pretty severe depression that I've carried with me for about 10 years, progressively getting worse.
I've tried a lot of different medications, none of which changed anything save for the added bonus of withdrawals when getting back off them. I know exercise is supposedly good for your mental well-being but building up the energy to do it was always a huge barrier, and I'd lean on the fact I was overweight and a smoker to further encourage myself not to do anything about it.
Anyway, this time I decided to break things down into chunks. My first and most pressing issue was the weight. Sticking to a diet is hard with depression right? Well I've found a way to 'trick' myself. I live in a bungalow without a kitchen, so I started eating cheap microwave meals mixed in with a bag of microwave vegetables and a can of tuna - every night. That's all I'd have in my fridge/freezer, so if I was hungry I could eat more, but honestly I would generally just prefer to stay hungry instead (coffees in the morning also help with hunger). After a while you get used to this and consequently my portion size has diminished, so when there were other foods involved I wasn't as tempted to finish everything.
I kept this up for about a year and lost 20kg.
About a month ago I finished the last of my weed. It started making me anxious so I had to recognise that it wasn't benefiting me mentally any more.
Now that I'm a bit lighter, I'm trying to force myself into the habit of going to the gym. I know it's not easy - believe me. I wake up and don't want to go.. But I make my challenge to get dressed and arrive at the gym. If I still don't want to do anything when I get there I can go home, but generally once I'm there I will do something.
I get embarrassed about my performance, while fully understanding nobody cares and I have to keep reminding myself about that last point. A lot of the time I even leave feeling completely deflated, but I remind myself that I still went and did a lot more than I would have ordinarily done. No matter how little progress I've made, I've jumped to another stepping stone and *that* is why I haven't given up.
I've found I have huge self image and self esteem problems by being in an environment full of beautiful people, but fuck, if they care about my abilities fuck them - I pay just as much to be there as them, why should they have the right to give a shit what I do? (again, I realise they more than likely don't)
Sometimes I go several days without doing anything, it happens. I just think it's important to get back on the horse - just remember the longer you leave it the harder it gets, but you can always do it. Recognise that voice that tries to justify not going and tell it to shut up. Just go.
Sorry for the poorly worded post, I'm using my phone and cbf writing it out better right now, I can answer questions if anybody has any.
Tl;dr: Found a way to lose weight and keep myself going to the gym
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self.depression
|
I exist but I'm actually not living. I'm already dead... Dead inside.
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self.depression
|
Anti depressants aren't doing shit😂😂 I still wanna die. Shits a fucking joke. I've tried so many and they don't work. I still feel stupid and just fried
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self.depression
|
I am 17 now and I don't know what to do with my life now I had depression since I was 13 yrs. Old. I was diagnosed at that age as well. It all started with a flick of a rubber band until it slowly becomes red. I always had anxiety to do public speaking and never actually do anything right. At 15 I started to think that the meds they gave me for years wasn't really working. I caused a lot of problems for my family that what I'm thinking right now is to just end their suffering as well as mine. Currently I have a lot of cuts around my body and not just my wrists. My doctor knew I wasn't really going to be cured with just meds and so the therapies began. I think talking to the guidance counselor is a therapy but I kept thinking I'm causing trouble for them so I keep cutting. I can't stop. I know I'm weak. I know that I can't stop doing it. Everyone will be better off without me, right?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'd like to tell you about this pendant I wear. [Pendant](https://imgur.com/a/bnhyE)
I wear this pendant every day because of this woman: Senua, from Ninja Theory's video game Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice. How come? What is it about, and what does it have to do with bipolar?
I've talked about Hellblade before on this subreddit, but to summarize, Senua is a Celtic warrior ostracized from her tribe and on a quest to Hel to reclaim the soul of her beloved, who was sacrificed. She is severely mentally ill and throughout the game combats visual, tactile, and audio hallucinations, which she has to overcome to save her lover's soul.
Throughout the game are lorestones, an optional objective, but one that you can scan to unlock a tidbit of Norse mythology as you wend your way through the game. Near the end of the game, Senua reflects on all the runes she's found (literally), before facing the final foe.
This game was incredibly impactful to me. Like I wrote to the developers, it gave me the language I needed to describe my childhood psychosis to others--just how fucking black it got. I had to play the game in pieces, an hour at a time, lest it overwhelm me. The throwbacks to my own experience and the feelings it stirred was, frankly, nothing short of traumatic. A good hurt, though, one that let me examine my own experiences in a new light, years away from them.
This necklace I wear, originally touted as a symbol of Odin ("put this on and feel Odin's power! rah rah rah") means "bipolar" to me. It means "mentally ill" to me. It is my own private way of paying tribute to my old experiences, of recognizing what will and what could come next, and as a reminder to prepare for those things by doing the right thing today--taking my meds, getting to bed on time, communicating, day by day and minute by minute.
I like to think that this necklace ties me to Senua. I like to think that the experiences that we--her as character, me as player--underwent together were as real to me as they were to her...and that like her, I made it through my own crucible, and do again, day by day. Each time I get out of bed, that's a battle won. Each time I journal my moods, that's a step forward. Each time I contact my psychiatrist and keep them appraised of how I'm doing, that's a prayer to the gods, if you will.
Being bipolar can be unpredictable and terrifying at times. But wearing this pendant is a private sign to me, a coded language, that I use to feel connection to the greater community. I know I'm not alone. I know that I can reach out to the friends I've made here on reddit, in the bipolar reddits, for support and help and insight. But most of all, it's a reminder that whatever battle I'm fighting I have the strength to win it--whether that's the anxiety I feel about going to a coworker with an issue I've let sit, or whether it's discussing an issue relevant to your work with the CEO of your company (yes, this happened earlier today).
It's small. It's private. It's mine. And I want to share it with you guys, because this is part of my experience, and something I draw strength from day by day. I hope you find something useful from my experience. Because at the end of the day, we're all warriors, like Senua, fighting to survive and thrive. Because we're fucking worth it.
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self.bipolar
|
The reason why I didn't commit suicide 6 years ago is now dead... A year ago the person who help me through the darkest days of my life died. She was defeated by cancer, and now is her anniversary.
We lose contact for years, and when I finally now bout her again I discovered she has been sick, and my world starts to fall apart. After two months of knowing about her cancer, she died, and so a part of me. Today, I couldn't bring my self out of bed because miss her a lot.
I was fine, but her anniversary made me sad. I don't exactly want to commit suicide, not anymore, and that's because of her.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think my best friend might try and kill themselves soon. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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"You just have to try to be happy" Nothing thats happened in the last month has been my fault but everyone acts like my life is bad because im not "trying hard enough". I didn't give my father cancer, I didn't make the banking error that drained my entire account, I wasn't the one who refused to fix said accounting error, but I certainly was the one who found out he was losing his house on Christmas.
How the fuck is any of this MY fault???? How is positive thinking going to change anything?? Why the hell am I still even alive? Oh yeah, because torturing me is a universal joke.
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self.depression
|
Trying to be positive and uplifting everyday, but everyday I feel like I'm failing...is this Depression? Among my friends and family and coworkers, I've always been the positive, nice girl. If I go into work without a smile or if I don't say a cheery hello to everyone (which has been happening more often than not lately), people immediately assume something's wrong. I don't like talking about my feelings to anyone so I always say nothing, that it's just a rough day, but I don't tell anyone that my rough days are almost every day now. That the smile and the cheery hellos and making sure to be positive towards everyone every day is an act that I keep up because I don't think anyone would want to be around me if they knew how I miserable I was. Almost every day, even the good days where life doesn't seem so hopeless, I cry. I just...really, honestly hate myself and I don't know how not to. I see everyone that's my age (25) getting on with their life, being in relationships, and I feel stuck, working 50 hour weeks, still not being able to make ends meet, still alone (I've never had a healthy relationship, I always turn to men that end up making me feel worse about myself), still hating myself. I lost a ton of weight over the last year and I thought that might help, but it really hasn't- sometimes I just starve myself because I don't think I deserve to eat or because hunger is a welcome distraction from the usual self-loathing I feel. I try to be positive every day, I really do, and tell myself things get better, and everyone finds love and happiness at different times, but I just don't believe it anymore. I don't think I could ever commit suicide, I'm too scared, but I think about it sometimes, if it'd be easier than feeling the way I feel certain days.
I don't know if this is even depression. I know so many on this sub are suffering from it so if it isn't, I apologize for using the term incorrectly. I just feel hopeless and I don't want to bother anyone in my real life with my uselessness so I thought I'd talk about it here. I hope everyone struggling on here finds peace one day.
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self.depression
|
Anxiety about finding the first job after college Hi guys! I graduated from college in August and since then I've been feeling completely lost. I'm really scared of taking this next step because I have no confidence in my professional abilities. Being unemployed and at home almost 24/7 has made my anxiety so overwhelming (to the point of triggering my first big OCD episode). I don't want to feel like a burden to those around me. I know that I have to make a change. I've been focusing on improving my mental health and I think I might be ready the next step. So I'm asking, what are some tips on finding a job and dealing with all of the stress in a healthy way? Thank you all
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self.Anxiety
|
What does actual CBT involve? I have terrible insurance and for the life of me cannot find a good therapist. Some have actually worsened my anxiety. The last one was such a ding-dong that she put my phone in the photo copier because she said "emailing wouldn't work." She was my first experience with CBT, and I highly suspect that she didn't actually do it with me. She just told me to sign up for Headspace (which albeit is fabulous) and talked about my life. So frustrating, it took years to finally give therapy another shot. So what does actual CBT involve? I'd like to at least try it along with continued Headspace until I can find a therapist who isn't an idiot.
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self.Anxiety
|
Went to party, want to kill myself already I am living in a student dorm. Two guys from my floor had birthday tonight, so we had a party downstairs. There is a girl who has been friendly to me since I came here (because we both are from the same country but she lives here, I am just guest for a year) and she particularly invited me for a couple of times, probably to make me get used to here. So when I went there, I was there only for one minute but it felt like eternity. At first, those I already know turned their heads to me and called my name out loud (because they never see me in social places like that and they were clearly surprised). I was very dumb. I just stared at a point and smiled as if it's all fine. Then I came closer to two girls from my floor and asked the dumbest question I could come up with. "What are you doing". Gosh it was so emberrassing that I just went there, stared at random points and got out but I was the lamest person ever existed. I feel kinda jealous that people are able to get in such places and play games, have friends and just relax. My anxiety is triggered so hard that I want to jump off the balcony already.
TL;DR
Gosh, I wish I wasn't like that. I wish I was a normal person who can be friends with others. What a cursed life that I have in this world.
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self.Anxiety
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I constantly feel like I’m a mistake... an error... I was built wrong or something is busted in my being
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self.depression
|
I hate the concept of years I was wondering if anyone else gets really fucking sick of people complaining about specific years and shit due to one awful thing that happened to them that year. No year will ever be perfect, each will bring bad things, so why is it that the entire population complains about specific years like they were the worst fucking thing that ever happened to them? It's hard for me to put what my thoughts are into text on this issue but basically what I'm saying is that years are just a measure of time and it's really dumb to waste your memory trying to remember which are good and which are bad.
I get really pissed around new years because all I fucking hear is people talking about how a year was amazing or shit due to fucking 3 or less events that happened during it.
Sorry for swearing a lot I know it makes me sound idiotic.
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self.depression
|
Still not getting enough/good sleep even when on sleeping pills It's been a tough week without good sleep. I've turned to sleeping pills, having candles instead of lights before going to bed, making sure i'm not hungry going to bed, warm environment, etc, but I still don't get good sleep. I even only had 5 hours of sleep when I was on Zolpidem and boy was that sleep bad.
Anyone has any tip that has helped them get good sleep?
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self.bipolar
|
Anyone have any tips on de-tangling months worth of matted hair? Hi everyone!
It started back in August when I was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. I was there for a little over a week and I was not allowed to have a hair tie because patients before had been using those to snap themselves with. I totally understood and thought it'd be no big deal.
I have (had?) waist length hair. I adored it, it's never been this long in my life and I was loving it! Well, that week in the hospital it got a few rough tangles. And while I have been trying to keep it manageable over the months, I got a full time job working at a fast food place/gas station in my town. I have to wear my hair up in a bun and a hat. Doing 5 nights in a row of 8+ hour shifts every week I pretty much spend all of my day asleep and working up the motivation to get out of bed before needing to get up for work again.
My hair is pretty much *just* a bun now. I hardly need a hair tie to keep it together and it makes me sad how bad I let it get... I will wash it and try to fix things with conditioner but the motivation is gone, my arms get tired, and I just throw on my hat for work and hope for the best.
I just wanted to know if anyone else had gone through anything like this and taken the time and effort needed to fix matted hair with hair masks or other treatments? Did any of you give up and just cut it short? What's your hair journey been like?
While working on typing this out I did manage to get it so its not stuck in a bun anymore! Its basically in 3 big dreadlock-like clumps now and I'm thinking maybe if I cut the ends a bit and get off all those damaged and split ends it might make the process a little easier...!
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self.depression
|
Well,now I wait until Monday I wrote the note,I'm ready,just gotta wait until Monday to do it because I have Monday off,I wish you all the best,goodbye
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self.SuicideWatch
|
About to quit my job of 2.5 years... About to quit my job of 2.5 years to pursue a career doing something I love.
I worked in this job, initially really loved it and never felt like work. That was, until I was given the job of 3 people...
Don't get me wrong, I always worked hard and worked to impress, however when my pay doesn't reflect the work I'm doing (Accounts executive, managing big portfolios) I started to lose faith.
Spoke to the boss about this many times and he tells me that my work is valuable, but not enough to pay me correctly. (I'm underpaid by about 17k compared to the median for me job title).
Anyway... Not only do I manage the accounts, I also train new staff, create training modules, provide direct client services, go out to see clients, hit and exceed sales targets, give high level of customer care all while trying to fit this into my 40hr work week. (This doesn't happen, I often work an extra 5-10 hours a week, unpaid...)
Anyway, I spoke with an ex-employee last night who runs his own business (And worked with us as an associate for a few months). He was impressed with how hard I worked and said if I ever left the company, it would be to the detriment of the company.
I am in a position where I am far too stressed to work productively and started looking for alternatives recently.
I'm actually looking to quit my decent looking career to pursue something I love. Education.
I am now in the process of attaining my motorcycle trainers qualifcation and start working as a qualified motorcycle instructor. I have a good relationship with a couple of instructors who run their own business and they have invited me to work for them this weekend to get a feel for the way it all runs and the owner has advised that he will offer me a full-time position once I finish.
I have always enjoyed teaching, and used to be a music teacher years ago in my teenage years (teaching piano, trumpet, saxophone, bass guitar and drums) and I've taught a few friends how to ride motorcycles properly.
I also do advanced rider courses every 2-3 months religiously since getting my license about 4-5 years ago as well as track days on my 1000cc 175hp 2011 Suzuki GSX-R 1000.
This is very exciting.
The hard part about all this is attempting to break it to my boss that I am leaving the company, when I know he is super stressed about transitioning the company into the next stage of development.
Unfortuantely, he has taken me for a ride for too long and I don't have the same level of respect for him as I used to have.
While I leave this job fully qualified, with lots of practical experience and a large knowledge base, I am excited to pursue a career I actually love & enjoy.
Wish me luck!
Tl;dr - Quitting job as an accounts executive to pursue a career as a Qualified Motorcycle Trainer.
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self.offmychest
|
I don't know if i wanna live through another shitty year.. 15 months ago my fiance of 8 years left me. I had to move back to my parents, i have a hard time finding a job. I get to work from time to time but it just feels uninspiring. Then this summer i slept with one of my friends exe's. I continued to see her even thou he told me that he had a problem with it.
And now i'm not invited to the new years party that one of my very best friends are holding because of this. All my "best friends" are there, including the girl that im seeing. And she's not even willing to commit to anything.
I don't know, i just feel so lonely. It feels like i don't have anybody anymore. I'm 30 but it feels like i've regressed to 20 again. I was so much more happier a couple years back. But loosing the love of my life, all my friends and the feeling that noone really cares about me. I don't know if i can cope anymore. I've had suicidal thoughts many times before, but never felt this close to just ending it all. It just feels pointless to live another year of dissapoitments.
Yea english aint my first language so sry>_>
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I have cancer. I just got diagnosed with cancer. I'm trying to keep my mind off of it until the surgery, any ideas?
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self.offmychest
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Reload Card Quickly It seems silly, but does anyone else experience anxiety over something as simple as using a credit card?
It feels like you're doing something wrong by having the machine tell you to remove it quickly, and is it really your fault that they designed it in a way your card fails to read if you leave it in for a few seconds?
I always feel a little tense when I stick my card into the machine and get the loud beep. It feels like I'm just doing something wrong.
And card readers are everywhere :(
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self.Anxiety
|
Despair why do I exist. useless at everything. no future. all alone, going insane. nothing but darkness and i feel like the end is near.
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self.SuicideWatch
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just need to say feel like a crazy person and a failure
hi
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self.depression
|
I wasn't far from killing myself today. I am glad I did not listen to myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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A way to kill myself. I'm not considering suicide (yet) but does anyone know an efficient and painless way how?
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self.depression
|
I'm so fucking sick of pretending like things are going to get better. I'm so fucking sick of pretending like I'm OK. I'm so fucking sick of pretending like I'm a good person. I'm so fucking sick of everything. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[NAW] Leave me alone On top of dealing with being raped this girl who I would describe as a casual acquaintance at best has decided to decide to stalk me again (sorry for mistakes I'm on mobile) it's started with FB stalking, I had blocked her a while ago when she first turned psycho in real life on me, she started following me, dressing like me, trying to be like me.
Apparently her and the guy who raped me were quite close.
Now, she keeps making new profiles and messaging me saying she needs to tell me something about her friend my ex, the man who raped me, I don't ever answer her I just continue to block her and she makes new profiles under different names that are pretty much the exact same name. She also joins the groups I'm in. Likes everything I like. Things like that. It's got to the point I deleted everything. The very very few places I actually went anymore I stopped going because she figured it out too and it's just too much between him and her I am suffocating. I feel so trapped.
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self.offmychest
|
The most fucked up joke the universe will play on you is letting you meet the right person at the wrong time. [removed]
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self.depression
|
I have a minor dental procedure tomorrow and am really worried, would love some help with Xanax dosaging if possible I have to get a few crowns put in and a couple cavities filled, (my depression/anxiety has put dental hygiene on hiatus for the past few months) and I'm extremely nervous. Mainly because of my phobia of needles and just medical centers in general. I told my dentist about my anxiety and she told me that it would be perfectly fine to take Xanax for the procedure.
I take anxiety medication every night and have 0.25 mg pills of Xanax with me just in case I need it for a specific time, but I don't use the Xanax on a schedule. I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on when to take the Xanax for the appointment, which is in the early afternoon. I don't have a high tolerance for Xanax but I'm not sure how much is the right amount to take for the appointment and when I should take them.
Any help would be fantastic, thank you!
Side-Note: And just in case anyone is wondering, I have a ride home so if I'm a zombie that's A-ok with me. And if I haven't made something clear, please just ask me and I'll clear it up.
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self.Anxiety
|
Are you the clingy type? How do you deal with it? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read my post, I have some relationship issues would like to seek some help, advice and support from here.
Here is my problem:
Whenever I'm in a relationship, my anxiety skyrockets high because of my attachment issues since childhood. I'd be in constant fear that if my parter is not physically with me, I feel seriously insecure. It causes my clingy behaviors, and I really hate myself from feeling/acting this way.
My conscious mind knows that there will always be ups and downs in all kinds of relationships(including family & friends), people would want their alone time despite how passionate they are with you etc.. but I still go extra insecure when it comes to romantic relationship.
I can feel that from time and experience, I'm getting much better than before, I know how to identify when is my anxiety taking over to avoid overreacting to things, but when it really hit me very extremely, it could even cause physical reactions and blind everything.
I really want to get better from it and don't want to fail another time because of it.
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self.Anxiety
|
I think my mate might be scuicidal My mate Rainbow Jeremy will reject anything to do with techmology (check out his website if you don't believe me) he just sit at his home, smoke his homegrown, and check this, he don't have a telly.
Recently, he has stopped going to the Staines meetings, and I think something is wrong. What should I do?!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone else get this unbearable crushing feeling at night? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I don't want to die. But I want to end it. So, I'm pretty certain I'm depressed; I'm not officially diagnosed but I do hold a lot of symptoms and relate way too close to home when I read some people's experiences who are/were officially diagnosed with depression, plus my psychologist has quite actively hinted that I may be. :/ I actually know the cause of it, and I know the solution… But because of my family, both direct and extended, who don't really believe in mental illness unless it's hardcore psychosis, I can't achieve the solution. They're preventing me from getting better simply because they don't believe I have a problem in the first place, that I'm just being "over dramatic" and acting "too delicate" and that I'm "lazy."
I wish I could achieve the solution on my own, but because I'm a minor still (17), I LEGALLY can't do some of the things that need to be done on my own. I hate it.
My future is in jeopardy because of them right now and I'm scared. I don't want to die. I do want to live and have a life; I want to go study, work, move out, and save up and travel. I WANT to. It's literally all I've wanted, to just achieve normalcy because my homelife has always been a mess. I'm so close to achieving it but I just need their little bit of help right now so it's possible, but they refuse. Say I should deal with the consequences of 'my' actions, even though almost everything in my life has been out of my control.
So I'm scared and just want to end it. Because I don't want to deal with it anymore. All my life people have just told me to "stick it out" until I'm 18, but if I don't get their little bit of help right now, I'm possibly going to be fucked for even longer, if not my entire life. I don't want to face that.
I want to end and escape my situation, but I don't want to die because of what could be.
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self.depression
|
Suicide is becoming more and more appealing I'm 19 and new to Reddit so sorry if I don't know much of the rules, I just really need someone to hear me out since I'm alone. To sum up most of what's bothered me my whole life: I grew up in a pretty shit household, no parental figures to be there for me. My dad is in a wheelchair and constantly drank and fought with my mother who was a drug addict (really bad stuff like cocaine and pain killers). Her addiction was so bad she'd often neglect me by forgetting to feed me and even be there for me (same with my father). They've been divorced now since 2003, and main reason I'm still dwelling on this is because the main theme of my life so far has been loneliness. I live in a small Indiana town so word travels fast and since my dad and mom were constantly in legal trouble with drugs and fighting, no parents naturally wanted their kids, or family, to be anywhere near that. Everyone would make fun of me or ignore me after that. I ended up being alienated by everyone, unable to make friends or see anyone. I was always stuck in that household, and even know after I'm finished with high school and first semester of college I still have no one except a girlfriend which seems like she's using me. At first I thought someone cared enough to understand me but she basically left me for her ex 3 times, always breaking promises and lying to me. We're together now and she has her relationship status with her ex still up, and a date of when they got together on her Insta. When I would ask her to change that stuff since we're dating she would say that she wasn't ready and would then ask me to not tell or act like me and her are dating whenever we're around someone she knows (family, friends, etc). I've heard her out whenever she would vent to me but whenever I would vent even once she'd go "yeah yeah" or "whatever". I just got off a call with her a bit ago actually and when I said "I love you" all she said was "mhm" and instantly hung up. From my perspective it's obvious she's cheating but I'm a desperate idiot who loves her too much to say anything. Everyone in my family never listens to me either, they write off my depression as an excuse. I'm not saying it's everyone's fault either, I'm a mentally unstable individual. I panic too easily, I have attachment issues, and a huge lack of any motivation or hope. I couldn't even get through college well because of my depression, all I've been able to do is lay in bed and feel worthless and unwanted. Stupid me probably ruined my future by messing up my grades. My days are just waking up, working, smoking weed and then sleeping. I don't know if I can take this feeling anymore and life hasn't been to swell. I might be overdramaticizing things and I know people have it way worse than me all across the world. I just don't know what to do anymore, suicide seems great compared to experiencing this for the rest of my life. I've tried relying on myself and keeping myself busy but I always end up with needing others in my life and always wanting to know what it's like to be loved or cared for. I just don't know anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just one thing that's still stopping me from ending myself Everyday I feel so sad and gloomy, and I always lament on how life is such an unfair thing for me. If I wasn't so stubborn, I would have ended myself already.
But I always told myself that if I ever died then that means life would win against me. I kept telling myself that the moment I decided to end my life was the day that I would lose. And I refuse to lose to life's bullshit, no matter how sad or depressed I am.
I'm still very sad, but I'm still hanging on stubbornly.
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self.depression
|
Help I finally went to a psychologist and they just described what bipolar II is, without actually saying that I have bipolar. Would they know after just one visit? Could I be ok without medication?
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self.bipolar
|
Question about zoloft I was wondering if anyone could tell me if their experience with zoloft was positive in the way of motivation. I'm on day 5 of 50mg and most of negative sides are gone. I know it will take a while more to really work but the lethargy and lack of motivation is something I hope goes away. Thanx in advance!
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self.Anxiety
|
People think we're rude but we're just too busy dealing with our own emotions.
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self.depression
|
What the hell?? Why can't I get laid??? Feel free to read through my posting history. Ever since I ended things with my boyfriend in September, I've been trying to find a regular or regular-ish thing. A girl has needs, after all.
In the past, it hasn't been NEARLY this difficult! Like, I get that I'm not a major catch, but I would think there's SOMEONE vaguely nearby who would take me up! My fuck buddy from last year moved further away and is in a relationship, and the two dudes who actually panned out from my recent posts were, apparently, one-and-done. I'm practically starved for intimacy at this point, all I want is a fuck and a cuddle, maybe to watch some tv and hang out for a bit, with a dude who showers somewhat regularly, speaks and types in full sentences, and doesn't make me do ALL the work of getting familiar/putting the moves on.
I'm sure people will say my standards are too high, but goddamnit, I am so tired of settling and settling and doing all the work.
tl;dr I am so thirsty and so salty, AMA.
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self.offmychest
|
Anyone tried Pamelor for depression? Hey guys, I was recently prescribed pamelor for a depression that seems to be hard to cure.
For the last 6 months I've been on medicine that makes it hard to drive and made my face twitch, all of which were unacceptable side effects. But these side effect are uncomfortable not unacceptable. I'm really nauseated but I haven't vomited. I have a head ache even though this drug is prescribed for migraine which is kind of weird. And I'm a little dizzy and light headed.
Did anyone have these side effects, did they go away?
The drug has already helped in one regard, instead of sleeping for 12 hours a day I'm down to like 6 which is such a nice improvement.
|
self.bipolar
|
Sales jobs seem to extremely enhance my anxiety and I know what I should do but don’t want to [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I've been depressed for almost 7 years and it's only gotten worse I'm failing out of college, I got fired from my job, I'm living at least 3 completely different lives, I'm extremely in debt and broke, my girlfriend of 3 years hates me now and I deserve it, I'm objectively a terrible terrible person. Seriously I've done so many awful things no one knows about and I hate myself.
I just keep using drugs as much as I possibly can to shut up the suicidal voices in my head but that just makes me hate myself even more.
Despite all the different methods of treatment I've done, nothing has worked. I've been depressed since I was 13 and I'm close to 20 now.
So I guess it's it. I'll be gone soon.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
If only I could do enough drugs to stop "loving" "feeling emotions" I'd gladly commit emotional suicide if their was a way. To be one who can sleep with countless of people, get invalidated by others, face rejection on a daily and still not be emotionally torn by these things must be bliss. I wish I could be more like that because humanity is bullshit and i'm wasting my time in this life caring about something temporary and tying to make it work.
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self.offmychest
|
Why is suicide so bad? I'm not happy, never really have been, why should I go keep on going for others people sake? I'm not happy never will be what's the point? I just don't understand. I never was happy and never will be. This just painful. I remember the exact day I learned the meaning of suicide, I knew instantly that's what was going to be my demise. Don't you see not even as a kid I was happy, what the fuck is going to change that? Nothing is. The few times I have been happy it never lasted more than a week, I can't even enjoy it most times because at the back of my head I know it's temporary. I don't have a meaningful relationships other than my family, they are the only thing keeping me back. I was planning on doing it as soon as I graduated highschool, but extended it till I'm 25. I'm not happy period and never will be. I have a shitty personality and am very ugly inside and out, so finding someone it never going to be a possibility. I'm a piece of shit. The only thing that numbs it is drugs, and that's even looked down on. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I have no fucking motivation for anything, out of highschool I chose what ever makes the most money. I can't even go through with that, I dropped all my classes but one. Overall I just think it's bullshit that it's looked down upon, some of us just won't be happy let's us at least not be miserable for 70+ plus years.
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self.depression
|
No insurance, no meds Long story short, I missed my last appointment with my psychiatrist before my insurance ran out and I now have no backup medication while I look for another way to get a prescription. I've wanted to get off my meds anyways, are there are any general tips to doing this or any resources of how people have tapered off on their own?
I know you should always have professional help but saying so doesn't help my situation so.... :)
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self.bipolar
|
I can never commit to being in an official relationship over fear/anxiety that i'll meet someone better [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you cope with being dumb/oblivious/absent minded? It's something that is killing me, the worst part is that I realize it and I can't control it. And people points it more every time and they laugh more and more, which makes me feel anxious, worthless and incapable doing even basic task right
Sorry for my bad English
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self.depression
|
Anxiety relapse, on medication So about 9 months ago I started Citalopram 20 mgs . The sexual side effects were frustrating so I switched to 50 MB’s of Sertaline and have been doing really well for about 5-6 months until recently I had a really bad panic attack and episodes of anxiety. Right now I just have some lingering anxiety, basically worried about having more anxiety or a panic attack. Does anyone have any experience with this? Or can someone offer suggestions or insight? My doctor is out of town so I won’t be seeing him until the 7th to talk about my medication, and I’ve stopped going to therapy because I was feeling so well. Just worried that my anxiety is back while I’m on this medication and that I had a full fledge panic attack the other night.
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self.Anxiety
|
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