text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
DAE struggle with dental anxiety? How do you cope? I normally don't mind getting routine dental work done but tomorrow I have to get a top impression done and they're literally my worst fear because I'm phobic of throwing/gagging up :( We tried Valium last time and I still couldn't do it!!
How do you guys make things more manageable/make yourself calmer? My stomach has been in knots all day and I can barely eat! I feel like gagging just thinking about it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
My mom just double dosed on accident, other than throwing up is there anything she can try to help? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I did the dishes It took everything I had not to crawl back into bed. It’s grey and cold outside and all I want to do is sleep forever. But instead I had a cup of coffee and rolled up my sleeves. I did the dishes. These days that’s about as big a victory as I can hope for, but I’ll take what I can get.
I am still alive. The empty sink is proof of that.
|
self.bipolar
|
I need help. I've suffered from depression for the past couple of years, but not really persuded seeked help as I just can't face expressing my emotions to others. I feel worthless as it is, I have a problem. The problem is I have a persona that is affecting my life now- I'm always portrayed as a really happy person which is good, but I just feel so alone all the time I want to be myself and run away from people who are trashy human beings. It feels like everything in my life goes wrong, nothing ever goes right and I'm close to a breaking point, I need help but I DON'T KNOW HOW AND IM SCARED TO SEEK HELP. Sorry for the rant I just feel I need to get it off my chest
|
self.depression
|
Is it possible to have high self esteem and still suffer from an anxiety disorder? It feels like a lot of anxiety disorders are connected to self esteem. I personally suffer from anxiety but in times in my life when my self esteem has been higher I didn't suffer nearly as much, if at all, from the anxiety that completely cripples me and effects my life when I'm not feeling as confident.
What is the connection between self esteem and anxiety?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My friend from highschool murdered his dad this weekend and I saw the gory aftermath on fb. So this is quite the off my chest. I was in shock earlier, then I felt pretty low, and now i'm just starting to digest everything and feel more calm.
I found out because mutual friends from our class on fb started posting very vague but personal accounts of "taking mental health seriously" and through snippets of information on 3 posts I realized they must be talking about someone from my actual social circle from highschool, not too big but not too tight.
I was morbidly curious. I assumed someone had committed suicide. From the information spread I knew this was someone I was not following on fb, as everyone referenced seeing his post the other night of him having bludgeoned his fathers head in and took a picture of himself fingering his fathers brains on his fb page, along with stereotypically fucked up quotes In ThIs TeXt.
I only saw the photo because some short sighted person decided to post it on the fb comment thread I was reading which revealed the persons full name. I didn't mean to see but now it is ingrained in my head.
He is in police custody. Everyone is posting about how we shouldn't judge and how he wasn't in control.
Let me tell you I stopped talking to this person and unfollowed him (but didn't unfriend, not that it matters) on fb because he got into rapping about violence. He wanted to be a rapper and when I knew him he was a goofy, lovable kid. I told him 7 years ago that he was becoming different and becoming someone I didn't know, and we casually ghosted each other in college. And now this.
I just feel a bit sick and had to get it out. My coworkers shrugged me off and my significant other distanced himself tonight not knowing what to do.
It's a weird feeling. I've had old friends turn up suicided every year but this is a first. We had so many classes together. We hung out at lunch. We had nicknames.
I'm so sorry for everyone involved. I don't want to judge. My heart is heavy. But in a way I'm not surprised.
|
self.offmychest
|
I have no interests and no passion and I don't know what to do. I have been depressed since I was ~9, severely depressed since I was 12, I'm 19 now. I genuinely can't remember a time I was happy in a lasting way. I was so severely depressed in high school I never made friends or developed interests. I would just go to school, come home, do my work, go to my job, and sleep. I didn't even play video games, listen to music, or watch TV. I did nothing. I don't have memories from high school. I've started telling people I meet (who I know I'll never meet again) that I was in a coma for a few years and it's basically fucking true.
Every single person I know has something they're interested in. Something they're knowledgeable about, something they seek out on their own time. For me, if I have free time, I sleep or play with my rabbits. I also have almost no memory or attention span so even when I try to get into things, or talk about things i'm slightly interested in, like literature and music, I can't remember names or albums or genres and I just come off sounding like a poser. I don't get references to popular movies or TV shows, I didn't have a Smiths phase in high school, I genuinely feel like I can't relate to others.
I feel like I'm at least 7 years younger than everyone around me. I didn't socialize at all in high school so I'm extremely awkward and uninteresting and I never know how to respond to what people say. I don't know how to seek out my interests because my college town is tiny and rainy so I never feel like going outside.
Right now I'm in school for essentially human trafficking relief and most of my extracurricular life revolves around a project relating to child pornography so no one wants to talk or socialize and I for damn sure don't want to talk about that at parties. Other than that I have no skills, nothing to show for my nineteen pathetic years of existence.
Has anyone overcome this? I just wish I had something I cared about, something I could hold onto that made me seem like a human being and not just depression, embodied.
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety really does get to me I (M40) only recently found out that I had trauma from a young age and now understand why I get anxious. Though when I get into a conflict I just panic. What I really want to do is leave my wife (F41) covered in another topic and I realise I am in love with someone else (F43). It's been really scary. I wanted to tell her (F43) so bad but go so very anxious that I feared her answer - either yes or no.
I am working on it and I am in therapy.
|
self.Anxiety
|
The feeling of happiness. Hey guys, I hope you're all doing great. I just want to know if anybody else feels the same as I do with "happiness" itself. I've been struggling with myself of not knowing the feelings of being a happy person anymore for a few months now. It just sucks when you don't get your daily dose of happiness from the things you used to enjoy doing. This had made me lose hope and I just feel like an empty void these days and its pushing me.
Once in a while, I do get happy, but its more of a short-term happiness if that makes sense. I don't have the drive to do anything like how I was back then.
|
self.depression
|
I i am lonely, suicidal and always get used. Y men. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
i hope i die on new year’s eve, or severely hurt myself at least. i can’t do another fucking year. i’ve went through hell and back these past two years with people bullying and harassing me, getting threatened by people online, and having a shit-show of a first whole year with my girlfriend. it’s like a cycle that repeats over and over again: one year starts meh, but slowly downgrades to the point that i hope i die. i’m not tough and brave like others to straight up kill myself, as i do enjoy a whole lot in my life but can only see negativity taking over all of my happiness. i just kind of want death to..happen..out of nowhere to me, but i also don’t want it to at all. i don’t know how to implement it into words but that’s pretty much how i’ve felt all this month, dreadfully waiting until another shitty year comes and goes.
|
self.depression
|
My life is a mess and I just can't take it anymore I just wrote that title to vent.
|
self.depression
|
I'm an idiot. I'm such a fucking retard. I just cut myself...again. I got word from a friend about an hour ago that my close last night at work was horrible. So I got extremely pissed got quiet and pretended to be fine. As soon as my friend left I got a razor and cut myself on my back. My back is so scarred up at this point from years of doing this that I can never be intimate with another human being because of it. I can't wait to kill myself. I deserve to be alone and forgotten.
|
self.depression
|
I worked a year on the road and was increasingly depressed -- I just wrote a letter of resignation to my boss I've been on this job for a year working in hotels in the south west and I'm finally leaving. I've had some tough times alone in the purgatory that is working out of a hotel room.
For my mental health and career prospects, as cushy as the job was, I'm leaving it.
Here's to those that have jobs that make them depressed -- there's a better option out there. Keep looking!
|
self.depression
|
Browsing r/nostalgia was a mistake Looking through that sub just makes me cry. It reminds me of how quickly time passes, and how I feel like I never utilized my childhood years to create lasting memories. I was just a passive observer, always waiting for my happiness to arrive. It never did.
|
self.depression
|
I'm stuck in the spiral again, and I can't remember how to get out. I finally got out of my mom's apartment, moved in with my girlfriend. I was going okay... then I got a job that made my depression worse and worse. I quit that job, thinking I'd just get another one. That I'm better off without having to get up than going there. I still don't have a job. We've had to ask my girlfriend's family for our rent twice, I've had to ask my family once... We don't come from money, and my mom is on welfare. Then a few weeks ago we were in a hit an run accident that totaled my car. So We don't have a vehicle, and I'm very out of shape... and unhealthy. At what point do you give up? I finally got my dream, but im too stupid to just do what i need to. So what if I hated every moment of that job? So what If I thought about driving off the bridge to and from work? I had money, and in turn we were able to stay in our apartment. We're probably going to be evicted.... Her parents say we can't move in with them... I can't move in with my mom..... We're going to be homeless and it's all my fault.
What's fuckign worse is i can't even bring myself to want a job. i cant even bring myself to really look because im just so defeated. im so broken i cant funtion in this world and ive never considered suicide as an actual option, until now. how do you all do it? what do you do when the pressure is on for you to just do it, and every fiber of your being is tellign you to just curl up and sleep.
Sorry for complaining.
|
self.depression
|
Odd brain function while returning to normal. It is very strange, looking at your own brain trying to function again. Coming off of an episode is like your brain rebooting itself. Only the most basic actions are enabled. Any thing more and you crash. A month ago I was a functioning adult. Right now I am only able to do the most rudimentary actions. I feel like a new born child/adult. Or someone who is recovering from a brain injury. One tiny step is all I can handle. It is frustrating. I can physically get up and do what I need to but my mind is still recovering. The energy is there. I know what needs to be done and how to do it. But all my brain can handle is staring at a computer screen. I am trying to be gentle with myself but I attack myself. Am I just lazy, weak, spoiled. I know I have to give myself time. But, dammit, get up!
Then I feel the backsliding, the regression. The negative thoughts, the fear, the depression slinking back. And I have to go back to my safe place.
I start the process again. Rest. ... Was that enough time? ...Get up. Brush your teeth. Eat. Take your medicine! Maybe I will get it this time... Get up... each time I get a little farther. Each time I hit the wall and fall back some. Each time I feel like a failure. Rest. Repeat. Two steps forward, one step back.
It is interesting how the depressed mind fights the medicine. That it found a nice comfortable spot at the bottom of that awful pit, and anything pulling it up is messing with it. It's like it hurts to be medicated. Like the medicated mind is out of sorts and needs to get back to normal (even though 'normal' is anything but right). It fights like it's being poisoned. Strange.
So right now I am in a weird place between sickness and health. I don't want to go back and forward is daunting.
Does this make sense to anyone else?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Going to my first show in 3 years. Today is the day guys. I’m going to a concert for the first time in 3 years. For a little bit of background, 3 years ago my life fell apart. I got so bad that I couldn’t leave my house for almost a year. I was later diagnosed with clinical depression and agoraphobia. Now that I’ve spent two and a half years finding the right medication, I finally feel like the old me again. My main issue was big crowds and travel. Today I’m going to go see Stone Sour in Indianapolis. It’s a two hour drive. I hope everything goes okay and I hope I can prove myself that I can do this again. Wish me luck guys, it’s not going to be easy.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today I applied to 4 jobs!!!! I have been putting it off for months and just sticking with my current job that does not give me enough hours, but today I DID IT! I WAS FINALLY FEELING STRONG ENOUGH TO FIGURE THINGS OUT AND DO THIS!!! The first application was excrusating, it took me almost 2 hours and I had already filled out half of it before. But then at the end I realized, hey that was not so bad, and I filled out 3 more! Applying to jobs has been really weighing on me because the application process makes me really anxious and I didn't want to apply to jobs until I had my depression under control. So a month or so ago, I got on new meds and hell they seem to be working!!! I had told myself that it would be stupid to apply to jobs when I was so depressed I could barely manage my current one but I am feeling better!
|
self.Anxiety
|
How do I know if I am depressed? I know this might be a stupid question, but for the last 8 months or so I have started feeling.. different? I suppose is the best word for it and I have been wondering if it is depression, How will I know?
|
self.depression
|
Depression ruining my life. Give me a morning routine/ set of daily rules to set me straight please... [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Anxious About Crying So, this may sound weird or it may not! But at a very young age I developed a taboo about crying. Whether societal, a result of what I learned in my home, or (likely) some combination of both - I cannot cry. I mean, sometimes I can if the stars align, but it's very hard for me to let it out when I feel it.
I'm a very sensitive person and while battling anxiety it sometimes feels harder because I don't know how to process how frustrating an anxiety episode or panic attack can be.
So, as a 30-something man I felt that I would like to admit it out loud: I'm afraid to cry and it's REALLY hard for me to "just let it out".
I want to! I really do. It feels like it would feel so good. But part of me worries that if I started crying, I'd find out I had some terrible depression or other emotional disorder. Almost like if I started crying I'd never be able to stop! Silly, huh?
So, this post is not meant to be really negative. Quite the opposite - I simply want to raise an issue I've encountered and see if anyone else has this issue.
I do not envy the pressures and problems that women face in North American society, but I can only speak from my experience as a male: I feel weak and stupid if I let myself cry. I've developed my own taboo about it. But I know we're supposed to cry and I want to learn how to be better at it!
So there you go. A man who has anxiety about crying to let out some of his frustration with anxiety. :P
|
self.Anxiety
|
no prospects - socially fucked, bad genetics, not smart [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
my girlfriend is mentally abusing me.. i think? and i feel really ashamed it's really hard to write this because i feel so scared to write this because the last time i told my best friend about how i was feeling and what she is doing, my girlfriend accused me of talking behind her back and i got hell from her. i just need to clear my mind to someone even if it happens to be some strangers online. i know this might sound like i hate her but i don't, i really really like her but it feels like my head is about to burst and i just need someone to listen to me.
I can't talk with her before she starts to emotionally blackmail me about leaving me if i don't play by her rules. we can talk about just ordinary things and suddenly she gets really cold and turns around and refuses to talk to me, she says she has no control over this but the comments she makes about me when she has anxiety is really hurtful. but that dosen't explain why she has to push me down in front of her friends.
she constantly hangs up on me with no varning for the smallest thing like if i yawn or something really petty and refuses to answer when i call her back and she acts all cold. she says this is because of her anxiety but it's really hurting me when starts to ignore me for the smallest thing. you have no ide how many nights i have spent awake crying trying to reason with her. she often dosen't tell me good night to punish me for not doing as she wants because she knows it means a lot to me.
I got sick with the flu a few days ago and i had to cancel on her and she got really mad and accused me of lying to her and that i don't want to spend time with her. it ended with me trying to comfort her and tell her that i do want to spend time with her but i'm still sick. she say's she can't trust anyone because of her past and tells me often how she dosen't trust me and that i'm going to leave her and makes me promise to not leave her while she keeps doing this to me. i really want to make it work and i try so hard but i am so tired and weak.
|
self.offmychest
|
How do you kill hope? I don't care for hope. How does one get rid of hope.
|
self.depression
|
I still live With my parents. Anxious that everyone laughs at me behind my back. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am convinced that every man I thought I admired is a douche. With women first coming out, en mass, against Bill Cosby, I was dumbfounded. Now, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, and now Louis C.K. Not that I hold all of them as idols, but I always believed their public facing persona that they were upstanding individuals.
No more. Every dude in the spotlight is suspect now. Fucking Priests started this shit parade, and politics, and now what seems like every single fucking person with a dick in entertainment. Everyone is suspect. I have a dick, and everyone should suspect me!
Women (and men) don't stop. Keep this shit parade going. It can't stop or this behavior will continue. And if a shit head does this to you? Say something right away! Don't suffer with it and let that asshole do it to other people! We can't let this behavior continue. It is complete bullshit.
|
self.offmychest
|
Good birthday Just wanted to vent. Just spent my birthday basically in fear and anxiety all day long. Didn’t even particularly care and outside of my family only one person even said happy birthday, which just about sums up how far this anxiety has got me.
How many people spend there birthday driving around and seriously considering not even carrying on anymore.
|
self.Anxiety
|
16 and no more hope in life i come from a poor family and money has always caused problems in our life so far i have gone through 4 years of secondary school everyone did things like eating or going out i know these are simple things but i cant even afford that i never eat out not gone out with anyone i have no phone no friends my o levels are just over and prom just happened which i was too poor to go also looking at photos absolutely tormented me i see other people families going for vacation and here my family is not even able to afford to eat outside looking back at my secondary school life i am just starting to realise how much i have missed out i have seen people go to theme parks together eat together movie together and even now some are staying together in hotels or going camps here i am stuck in my house wasting my time away over the past year i have been so depressed i have stopped talking to many people including my parents on the outside i try to pretend like i am happy but deep down i have extreme mood swings and depression every time i see my school time doing things i become sad even if i work my ass of to get decent position in life i would have missed out on childhood if i dont work hard now then thats about it on the other hand others have their future secured no matter how stupid they are i dont what i have done wrong i didn't want to be born poor money has absolutely gotten over me i see other people of my age having very nice clothes to wear here i am cycling about 7 pairs of clothes all of which look like from the 1800s looking at photos of prom has only worsened my situation i dont see why life has to be so unfair things would have different if i was in africa where everyone was like me here i am in singapore sad that i have never made any friends so far i dont see situation improving either i dont see any solution to this either life is unfair i have lost all my innocence as a child and honestly right now i am just falling through life and crying at night i dont see myself belonging to anyone
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I am en route to developing an anxiety disorder I feel anxious about opening any kind of personal message, when I leave a social interaction I go into obsession mode about all the things I might have done wrong and I have moments of feeling non-specific anxiety. Of course this isn't clinical anxiety but I feel like it could turn into it and I want to avoid that. So my questions is: what do you wish you had done/known/had someone tell you when your symptoms first started? How can I get in control of this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
A boring relationship, living in a boring city, and nobody cares. I have been in a loveless relationship for several months now. My partner only cares about eating nice meals and taking care of herself. We don't have sex or even have fun together, but I guess it could be worse. Also, I'm currently living in a very small city with nothing to do. I feel like I am going crazy because nobody here tries to make me feel special or attractive. I feel like Reddit is the only place where I can feel supported. The bad thing is that I will never create a true connection with anyone. I'm so sick of everything
|
self.offmychest
|
College aged girl trying to figure out if I'm depressed... Hi all, I don't know if anyone is going to read this at all but if you do, sharing your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I've been going through a rough patch and I'm not even really sure where this all began but I've recently considered that I may be mildly depressed or something but I'm not even really sure what that means.
Trying to type out my feelings right now is kinda hard, but here goes nothing. I apologize if it's choppy but this is my first time trying to actually write out my thoughts. Just saying, I have no suicidal thoughts. I'm scared of dying. But right now I just feel like I'm existing.
Do I have to be sad all the time to be considered depressed? I feel like I've always identified as a happy and energetic person, but lately I've been realizing I don't really feel like this anymore. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm watching my personality slip away like I'm not interesting or any fun or able to really engage in conversation. I'm on a college athletics team and the only time I really feel alive is when I'm at practice or competing. I like being at practice because I'm good at what I do, I like joking around with my teammates, and this is the only time I can really get out of the funky headspace I'm usually in. I usually feel pretty happy at practice so does this mean I'm not depressed?
Either way, I feel like I can be happy sometimes in social situations, but I'm gonna try and detail my bad feelings. In other situations, I feel like I'm kinda just existing. I have a hard time focusing on conversation and on school work. I have the attention span of a rock and like sometimes I'll go eat with a friend and it's just so hard to make meaningful conversation and remember details. I get distracted for a second and then their words go in and out my ears like I don't even hear them. Even at practice if my coach is critiquing something I'm doing, like I hear the words he's saying but sometimes I can't fucking comprehend them. Sometimes in conversation, I feel like I'm trying so hard but I can't muster up anything meaningful to say. Like I literally just smile and nod. I literally sit there watching myself as this happens too and it's so frustrating. I'm so aware of it that it hurts.
I'm an art major and I'm very uninspired to create work and I feel like I have no ideas worthy of creating art about. On the topic of being an art major, I really kinda hate it. I hate the stigma about the major and I hate that I'm probably not really gonna ever have a great job. I kind of want to be an art teacher and I recently took my GRE and did pretty well but I can't even motivate myself to continue with getting my application together. I kind of feel like I have no concrete goals in life and I just go with the flow so talking about the future always gives me really bad anxiety.
On the topic of motivation, I feel like I have none. I tell myself every night like "Oh I'm gonna wake up at 9, eat at 10, then go to the studio after!" I wind up waking up at 9 and laying there for two hours before I can muster up the energy to do anything. Like literally it's not that fucking hard to wake up and get out of bed but somehow it takes so much motivation to do it. Like I don't understand. Am I just that fucking lazy? Am I? Like is that because of depression? Or am I THAT lazy that I never feel like getting up to eat or go hang out with friends or clean my room or create art or go walk to the gym on days I don't have practice?
What bothers me the most is like, as all this is happening (mostly with like the social stuff), I almost don't even care. Like I'm about to graduate from school and once I graduate, I won't ever see any of these people ever again. I've been through a couple different schools between elementary school and high school and every time I move on from one school to the next, I leave all the people there in the past. I genuinely don't have friends from my past schools. Sure we follow each other on social media, but that literally means nothing (I've also been slowing getting off instagram, twitter, and Facebook because the algorithms bother me a lot). I've kinda just been too busy to bother with contacting old friends and I just don't care enough. As I go through every day, I have this acute awareness that these people mean nothing and everyone is replaceable. I'll soon move on to the next chapter of my life with my next set of replaceable relationships.
I also feel like aside from my sport, I don't have any hobbies or passions. I don't really care about anything else. I don't want to do anything else but lay around. I don't have any favorite anythings. Like I have a favorite color but like no favorite movies, shows, activities, anything really. Like everything's just eh. I feel like one of my catch phrases is "Yeah it's fine." Like I'm so COMPLACENT. I just don't care.
Uhhh what else? I don't really want to go too much into detail about the relationship I was just in, but I just completely destroyed the relationship over the past few months. He's head over heels in love with me but I go through these cycles between caring a lot and the not being able to hold a conversation. I ended things a few months ago to focus on graduating and sports. Part of me also felt like the relationship was too much pressure and I wasn't happy and didn't feel like I had much of a personality anymore so why did he even like me? Either way, we kept talking and we keep trying to fix it but then keep ending things and every time it's so fucking hard but I feel like I can't give him what he deserves but at the same time I feel like I can't give him closure because part of me knows I'll forever regret letting him go. But I feel so guilty because I know it's destroying him not being with me and it's eating me alive too but the relationship just isn't making me right now but I can't make him wait around for me forever.
I don't know what else to say. I hope someone actually read this..... Maybe I'll get some feedback. Am I depressed? Should I go see someone? Am I just lazy? Am I losing brain cells making me incapable of conversation and concentration? Am I a shitty person for not caring about anyone or anything? I don't really know what I'm supposed to do or think.
|
self.depression
|
Sudden distracting and constant feeling of anxiety and fear [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I can’t even commit suicide properly I was supposed to go to a family event today but I faked being sick so I could stay home. I needed time to think about whether life is worth living. In the end I decided it wasn’t. I worked my way up to it. I wrote a note, leaving things to younger siblings and apologizing for leaving. I took some pills and went to bed hoping I wouldn’t have to wake up again. But I did. I woke up 4 hours later only to realize that I completely fucked up. I didn’t wake up regretting that I tried but I regret that I failed. As far as I know I’m gonna try again and I hope that I don’t fail again.
Edit: I tried takin more pills after I woke up. But I’m still here
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
A strange anxiety attack Yesterday I had the weirdest anxiety attack.
I somehow convinced myself that I was going to die because I came into contact with the term “grim reaper” on three separate occasions. Of course, I feel stupid now that I am typing this. But I have come to learn that there is no logic in anxiety. In the moment, it feels real and scary. It’s only until after the fact that I think more clearly. Because, of course, I know that it’s just a weird thing....life is like that sometimes
But I’m curious if anyone else has had an anxiety attack of this kind. What did you do to get out of it?
Also, I want to thank this community for helping me through some of my anxiety. I have received some good advice that has been very helpful.
|
self.Anxiety
|
TalkSpace and Therapy Apps Has anyone ever used any of the only therapy apps like TalkSpace or BetterHelp? Did it help? Considering signing up for one but they are just so expensive.
|
self.depression
|
Guilt complexes anyone? My whole life is just dedicated to making my parents proud. I'm 25 now, they're normal parents and they just say they want me to do what makes me happy. But I have to admit, what seems to be most gratifying for me is when I know I've been a perfect little goody two-shoes. When I've made them the most proud. When I know I'm basically perfect. I get so guilty about letting them down, disappointing them, stepping out of line, etc. I just went on a two month secret hidden drug binge and nearly lost my mind. Nobody knows anything, but the guilt of how I nearly hit rock bottom overwhelms me. Does anyone have any advice on basically just letting go and living for me and me only? Not letting the stress and guilt of feeling like I've let people down haunt me? I'm a good person with a pure soul and love for all things human. But I tend to have an addictive personality and do dark things in secret. But I know most people live this way, it's how you interact in society that counts, as long as you aren't harming yourself or others. How do I let go?
Thanks and happy thoughts
|
self.depression
|
I feel close to tears all time I cry for no reason or at least no current reason. It's all in my past and I thought I'd moved on. Then the dark clouds came again. At Christmas time, no less. Now I find it hard to spend a moment alone without flashbacks and tears.
I feel lonely and disconnected. I recently achieved a commendable feat but I couldn't enjoy it. I just found the quickest space to cry.
I keep fantasizing about suicide. It would be nice to have the pain over with. To just feel nothing. It really hurts. I try to stay busy, not to have the time to think about any of it, but it's always there, lurking. Waiting till I get a moment alone then attacking my mind with this grim onslaught.
The people I thought were my friends, no one remembers to check on me. I'm both over eating and under eating some how. Losing and gaining weight. I hear people say I'm looking good, but I'm broken on the inside.
I know I know, get therapy, get drugs. Blah blah. But what I really need, I think, is people to genuinely care about and for me. Yet, no one can give me that
|
self.depression
|
Drinking with Zoloft. I'm drinking right now with my antidepressants, and I'm starting to have evil thoughts once again. All the people I've hurt, how I'm a horrible person. Why am I alive again? I'm a loser with no real purpose what so ever. I got nobody, and here I am drowning myself with a bottle of jack....
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Why am i still alive Other than pushing to get a job right now I'm looking for a painless or quick way to end it. I have 6 months left in the school year but I don't know if I'll make it. Maybe I should just go kill myself to show that I will. No seriously how can I get some pills or something does drinking bleach help? Cutting myself might leave scars though so any suggestions. Maybe climbing out of my second story window and sitting on the roof for a bit before jumping. Anything I'll even purposely jump in front of a car if I have to I'm fucking sick of everything. I'm sorry for being slow and such a fucking failure ok. I'm sorry to Reddit and all of those who has encouraged me. I'm just not strong enough I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I survived 2017! I made it to 2018, hell yes!
This year I accomplished absolutely nothing, yet I managed to not kill myself in order to have one more chance during 2018.
Also, happy New Year to everyone in this sub and I hope you can have a better year compared to 2017.
Stay safe, guys! You are all wonderful people :)
|
self.depression
|
Trapped in the same music over and over Does anyone else find that they need to listen to something but you can only seem to get yourself to listen to the same couple albums or songs and once they are burnt out you are just listening to them crawling in your mind wanting to scream with frustration that it isnt satisfying that itch to listen to something but if you look for more music it all isnt the same and that frustrates you even more.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm going to jump in front of a late night train [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Psychiatrist recommended that I should go to the hospital My psychiatrist recommended that I should go to the hospital so that I had a controlled environment where I they could find what medication is best for me. I am extremely scared to do it, what is it like? Will I be forced to do things I don't want to? Will I be mistreated? I'm very scared of the idea, should I take their advice and just go?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I need to make a list of all my problems and give them to someone who can help me fix every single one of them.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel as if I put so much weight on my next 'big thing' to work that when it doesn't I can't even think about the future. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Finally finding happiness and loosing it I’ve been on the verge of suicide due to my depression for about 3 years now and I finally found someone who understood what I was going through. We fell madly in love. This person can no longer see me due to reasons I’d rather not discuss, and I honestly feel like every last bit of hope he gave me to better myself is gone. (I know he wasn’t an escape like I have had in previous relationships. This was the real deal.) Now I have nothing.
|
self.depression
|
I am in the bathroom and cannot stop crying Exchanged some heated words with a coworker and the anxiety from the exchange put me into the worst public panic attack I have ever had. I can't stop crying and I need to go back to the register. What can I do? She is gone already but my legs and fingers and around my mouth have gone all tingly and I can't control my breathing.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Faking it Honestly, depression is one of the worst mental illnesses out there. Nothing anyone says helps, sometimes nothing you do helps, medications don't even work on some people. I fake it so much, that I actually believe I'm okay. But then my mind reminds me that I'm really not okay, and the cycle begins again. I have nothing to be depressed about, and that's what kills me. I feel like shit because some people have legit reasons to be depressed, and then there I am with absolutely no reason. It makes me feel like I'm just another entitled millennial who thinks the world should be all rainbows and butterflies. I fucking hate it. I also hate how having depression has become a new trend. Like, no. Don't make this shit trendy, because it actually makes the people who have it not be taken seriously because "everyone has it now". It's not fun or trendy. It sucks. You wake up some days and don't even want to get out of bed, you don't even want to be alive. You cry so hard it makes your chest hurt so bad, for no reason at all, you break the fuck down at 3 in the morning when no one is awake because you just don't have the energy to explain why you're crying. You think about killing yourself on the regular. You want to run away from everyone and everything around you and never look back, just because. You lie on your bed wondering why the fuck you're like this. Don't make this shit trendy. We have a hard enough time telling people and them actually taking us seriously.
Some days you feel like you don't even know yourself. You wake up and you're just not yourself. Some days you wake up and feel everything, other days you wake up and feel nothing at all. So you start to do things to just make yourself feel. Weather it be drugs, alcohol, thrill seeking, or just harming yourself.
You never feel like you've gotten enough sleep, your room is always a mess but you don't care. You look a mess half the time because yet again, you don't care. I could go on about this forever.
So to the people who think this is the new trend, I hope you get just a little taste of depression just so you see that this isn't some fun new thing. It's not something you want. And it sure as fuck isn't cool.
So why don't you just fuck off with all your bullshit.
|
self.depression
|
night terrors so i keep getting night terrors and some of them are really fucking scary and others are just dam right confusing. For example one of them was about me kissing my best friend outside where we work. Witch is wearied because im defiantly not gay and so is he because he married. Its made me quite uncomfortable around him i feel like i need to tell as i tell him everything him but i cant. He has helped me a lot with my depression hes the only one that can calm me down mid anxiety attack so hes a pretty important person to me. So being uncomfortable around him is horrible but i dont know what to do up until this post ive tolled no one about this specific night terror and im really scared about it.
|
self.depression
|
I wish therapy was an instant fix Spoiler alert: It's not. But oh god today I wish it was. I almost felt ok during my therapy session. I just wanted to stay there. But it had to end and I had to go back to being alone and in my head and I can't stop crying and everything hurts and I don't want to be crying eating fucking food all day in bed but I literally can't manage anything else and I just want to feel ok. I'm so achey and tired. I just want someone to tell me how to feel better.
My grandmother was like this. She was clinically depressed. She got very sick and died very young. I don't want to follow in her footsteps but I'm scared that I'm doomed to do so. I want to have a happy, productive life where I contribute meaningfully to society and help other people live their best lives. But I don't know how to be functional, and that seems like a key step in the whole thing.
One day maybe I'll figure it out.
|
self.depression
|
Is enjoyment the same thing as happiness? I mean. Sometimes it feel like my depression and anxiety is a lie. When I'm with friends and family sometimes, and there's a joke, I get this kind of "high." Which is nice because for a brief moment, I can enjoy myself. But then there are times when I feel numb and terrible. And then I think back at the times I was enjoying myself and I'm left feeling confused.
So here's a question: Is enjoyment the same thing as happiness? Personally I want to say "no" but the two are synonymous so I'd like to hear some other opinions.
|
self.depression
|
What made you stay? To those that thought about it or came really close, what was it that made you back off? What made you decide that death wasn't worth the effort, or convinced you force yourself through another day? It can be grand, funny, tragic, or stupid. I just... need more reasons to keep living, because I'm scared that the reasons to leave will become too much.
For me, it's the fear that I can't take it back. What if I realize it was a terrible idea at the last second, but it's too late? I hate not being able to change my mind or undo a mistake.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I did something horrible. Hey, not sure if this is the right place to write, but I feel like expressing this anonymously to someone I know might make it feel a bit better
I did a horrible thing, and this is the story.
About 6 ish months ago (early june), I started playing World of Warcraft. I'm 16, so I'm quite young. I played on and off, and one day I met this girl. For me it clicked instantly. I've had girls like me in the pass but I've never showed it back, but this time it was mutual. I was totally in love, and she was all I thought about.
Time passes, and we come more close and more close for every day, We talk in Teamspeak, and then later in chat, she was a perfect match. She revealed that she was a lot older than me <25, but still. This didn't bother me much as I'm quite mature for my age, and I doubt it did for her either.
One day it hits like a bomb, she already has someone. I felt bad about it, since she flirted with me a lot. It's a guy I have known for 2 years from other WoW servers, which pissed me off even more because I hate him a ton.
I try to make it work, I block her, push her away, try to get rid of her as I know if I'm not worth it enough to be alone with her, then I shouldn't have anything, and being close to her doesn't help that. Every time I block her, I end up unblocking her a few hours later, it's like I'm addicted to her.
We start talking now, a lot more. Never on TS, but several hours per night, (sometimes hours like 23:30-03:00). These were my favorite hours per night, despite me knowing I will only have 3 hours of sleep. Something that sometimes happend was that we started talking sexual, real shit.
So, 3 months later, and we're on this last tuesday. When she gets mad at me she generally gets around by the time of evening. She goes back to being normal. But this day, it's something different. She keeps telling me I lie, and it feels horrible. I tried talking to her today, no answer. She won't come around, keeps being angry and other people notice it too. I tried to make her tell me what is the real issue why she's angry but she won't.
Tonight came the opportunity. I sent the chat logs of what we did to the other guy, and now she wants to kill herself, and I can't get contact with her.
It was a very impulsive thing to do, but I feel like it was the right thing to do. I know she probably doesn't have the mental strength to take her life as she has said she has thought about it before (personal reasons). I feel it was the right thing to do because it isn't right to the other guy who has been living with a lie all along, thinking I'm no more than a friend.
Now I feel even worse than when I was swinging at the train station. I feel totally fucking horrible, and I don't know what I should've done. Could any of you give me any help?
ps. sorry for the confusing post, it's not very constructed
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My best friend is getting married... I'm going! This will be the first time I've travelled in well over a year. My best friend is getting married in another city and I decided to go. He has been super supportive about my anxiety and depression so I wanted to push myself to show hom gratitude. The next few days are massive for me.
Here are some things I've done to make it possible:
- Staying in a hotel and travelling alone. I'll need the space and time decompress and relax.
-Asking my friends not to make any fuss about me being there.
-Asking the groom not to give me any responsibility.
-Practising small talk with my brother. It really helps.
-Making and memorising a list of things I'm interested in and reading up on current events to make sure I'll be competent when in conversation. I tend to blank.
-Giving myself a depression and anxiety free pass for the week before and after the wedding. I'm going to chill, sleep and workout for a bit.
Wish me luck!
|
self.depression
|
I'm back. How is everyone doing? I posted almost two months ago about how I was checking myself in for an in-patient stay at the hospital. I had a good experience once I started talking to the other patients, and I felt a lot better for a few days. Actually happy for the first time, ever. I unsubbed because I thought I could get better. But happiness was so foreign; my body hated it. Within the week I slipped back down, down. I'm worse than I was before, and I've forgotten the benefits of all the stuff I learned. It just doesn't seem to matter because I have to work so hard to keep it up.
I've been looking at ECT but I'm afraid of the memory loss and I can't find a ride. I've been caught in referral hell for therapists and psychiatrists for a couple weeks. People either don't seem like the right fit for me (they outright tell me that after talking to me for 15 minutes, or I decide it myself), they don't take my insurance, or most commonly, they don't have time in their schedules. When it takes so much effort to go on the internet and find someone, pick up the phone and call them or email them, and then they just tell you they don't have time for you... over and over and over again. But I'm supposed to keep trying, just so I don't die and make my parents sad? Fuck them. They were too selfish to even consider that they might have a kid who didn't appreciate them fucking until they popped out another human. I resent the entire construct. I think it's disgusting they forced this on me, like a violation of my rights and free will. I think about dying constantly. Not a moment passes without the thought. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live a difficult life I never asked for. It's not fair that the world can just expect so much work and productivity out of me when I didn't choose this. I resent every moment I'm awake. You have to put so much goddamn effort into staying alive... for what? For maybe a pretty sunset, the joy of petting a cat, a tasty piece of food every once in a while? That's it? So much suffering and worrying and struggling, all for barely any reward? "You have to want to get better." Well I don't. My parents created me, so they need to fix this problem. It's not my responsibility to take care of myself just because they wanted me while I was a child. I have so many more years left of struggle... just to die anyway? I don't want this difficulty of trying to fit in in a cutthroat, capitalistic society that monetizes my sadness, or the pain of the knowledge of the violence and injustice of the world. Nobody asks to be here... It's not fair to anybody. I just want a therapist who can answer my question: "how am I supposed to want to work when I didn't ask to be here?" Asking that question apparently means that I need to be classified into the system of misfits, so they can take my money to "help" me with pills and electric shocks. And nobody can answer the fucking question. Everyone tells me "it's the little things that makes it worth it." Well what if that's not enough? What if the responsibility is so overwhelming that it's just not worth doing? I'm so small, and I would have to work so hard to make a difference. I don't have the energy for that. I barely have the energy to drink water every once in a while.
Enough about me. How is everyone else doing? I need to hear from other people. I've been going to groups, which helps for about 24 hours, and then it's back down when I have to think about work and money, which is all the time.
|
self.depression
|
Goal Setting Sunday 9.3.17 What do you want to work toward this week? Let's move toward better lives together =). Whether you're trying to get out of bed earlier or trying to run an ultramarathon, goals can help get you there. What are yours?
|
self.bipolar
|
Trileptal (Oxcarbazepine) experiences? About to try this med for anxiety and partially as a mood stabilizer...would love to hear about others experiences. Has it worked for your anxiety? Side effects? Addictive risks?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I think ive figured out some thing. Ok.. so on mobile and all that fun stuff. Also not sure where to post this so sorry mods if it's not for here. I just don't really have anyone to talk to about this that could understand. And fake account because work people.
So I have been reading on Reddit about people's attempts at suicide and stuff thinking, (and because I'm a horrible insensitive person,) all I can think is... holy shit these are the stupidest things I've read tonight. Sorry I'm a dick.
Anyway after reading all this stuff it made me realize something. And no it's not that I'm depressed. I've known that since I was 13, all because some asshat with a baby dick molested me.
I have realized that I am not suicidal, but I wouldn't mind dying. But that's not it. I drive my car stupidly fast all the time , almost like a car chase movie or a video game. I enjoy the rush that it gives me. I enjoy the feeling that at any moment a car could move into my lane and I could die. I enjoy the thought that I could take a turn too fast and roll my car. Hell I even purposely drove my car into a wall just so I could see what would happen.
So that's it Reddit folks, I like to cheat death on the daily, and to be honest, I don't want to die. But I'm not afraid to die.
And a quote to end this because I don't know how: "I live my life a 1/4mile at a time because in those ten seconds or less. I'm free." ~ Dom, TF&TF
TL/DR: Depressed, adrenaline junkie, drives a bit to fast so he can test death. All because he was molested as a kid.
|
self.depression
|
Does the world ever feel unreal/dreamlike to you? Something that's started happening to me recently is sometimes the world becomes so unreal that things like houses blow my mind(Don't even get me started on wheels). It's weird because these things in a normal state of mind are just their and barely have any impact on me but when I get into this kind of trance, everything becomes surreal.
I googled this feeling and most of the results seem to be related to anxiety so I wanted to hear if others here experience it too.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm So Tired Of My Family. It seems like I'm posting a lot of really stupid shit these days. I must seem really pathetic haha... I don't like it at all, it seems like I'm playing victim. But I don't have anything else to do. I have no friends to talk to because I'm a stupid shut in. No one will take me to a therapist either because everyone just expects me to give up so they don't bother trying. It really hurts to know that everyone's given up on me at this point. But I'm not the only one at fault. I am getting so sick and tired of my family.
I keep asking for help, I keep asking for my mom to take me to therapy of something but no one will help me. If I go to my dads he just flat out ignores all my issues. I have to be the perfect child or I can't stay there. I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't talk to anyone and all of my problems are eating me up. It's too much to handle. Then when I break down crying my mom turns it all on me. She blames everything on me. She calls me a names and she tells me that it doesn't even matter because I'll just quit. She put everything on me. I already know that it's my fault! Does she think I'm stupid? I get it.
My mom and my sister constantly start fights with me over the simplest mistakes. Today I took too much food without without realizing that my sister hadn't had any yet. My mom and my sister completely blew up at me without even giving me a chance to fix it. My mom kept telling me to get out of her house and that I'd better call my dad. My sister just kept yelling insults at me. It seems like I'm making something out of nothing, but this is not normal. Normal people don't have a fit because of something so small. Everything is always my fault.
It's like I'm just their punching bag. But instead of punching me, they just keep telling me how useless I am.
"Get out of my house"
"You're such a bitch"
"I don't care [if you kill yourself] go ahead"
"You're just doing that for attention"
Even if I haven't done anything wrong. And then when they're done, I can hear them laughing and being happy in another room. It seems like I'm the problem, but I don't understand how it escalates like this so quickly. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I just never do anything right. My mom never treats my sister this way. This isn't normal, right?
I don't want to leave them because if I leave then my mom might start treating my sister like this. Last time I left, my stepdad started hitting her instead of me. I don't want to leave because my mom has heart problems and any day could be her last. I don't want to leave. My mom can't clean by herself because of her injuries and my sister never does anything. I need to stay because leaving would be selfish. But I don't want to stay. I wish I could just disappear without hurting anyone. I don't really have a good reason to leave anyway. It's not like my mom is abusive. She nice to me sometimes. She doesn't hit me or anything. I just don't know what to do or how to feel.
|
self.offmychest
|
I need somebody to talk to Hi, my names Dylan. For the past couple of years I’ve been suicidal, and I feel like there’s nobody to talk to. My parents don’t give a shit about me, and I don’t really have any friends that I’m close with. I really just want somebody to talk to, if anybody could spare the time.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It just hit me. I'd rather die as someone people love than live as someone people hate.
|
self.depression
|
When you're not as mentally ill as others This is something that I always look down upon when it comes to me, and other people have looked down on me for it too. When you're not as mentally ill as the people around you, so you feel invalid. I guess it's really toxic. It's stopped me from posting on subbreddits like this and others because I'm "not depressed enough" or "not anorexic enough". I had someone tell me my cuts were "weak as shit" quite a while ago now, but it still bothers me enough to be extremely paranoid about opening up. I'm sure some of you guys can relate to me right?
|
self.depression
|
Fuck Family I’ve never been so suicidal in my life. I have a husband and three kids who are the only reasons I’m still here. My mother and sister are telling me that I basically don’t know my own mental illnesses (and honestly they’re contributing to them) and just to “grow up.”
“There’s no way your anxiety makes you not want to talk to people.”
“You aren’t taking your meds.” (Joke’s on them — I AM.)
All I want is to just end it all. Go home (I’m at my Mom’s), wait for my husband to go to work, and do it while the kids are with my parents. Find some rope and peacefully leave these problems behind.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone here prescribed adderall? Just asked a friend who is also bipolar about how to overcome my chronic fatigue I have from my Zyprexa. She said her doc gives her adderall. I was wondering what your experiences were with this, if at all.
|
self.bipolar
|
Wish i ended it 2 weeks ago when i first felt this way. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I should have had your car towed I'm trying to be open minded, I'm trying to convince myself, maybe you just forgot your placard at home, or maybe it's still sitting in the glove box.
But chances are, you're a fucking douche bag.
I don't think you know how painful it is to watch someone you love who is disable struggle with every day life. I don't think you realize how handicap parking spaces can mean the difference between enough energy to get into a store and get what you need, and giving up and going home. I don't think you understand that some people need room to lower their wheel chair ramps.
My father is a disabled veteran who can barely walk, he's only in his mid 40s and has to walk with a cane and can barely walk for more than 15 minutes without the pain being excruciating. It's hard to watch my father cry because he's in so much debilitating pain.
We were bringing up medication to my mother who wasn't feeling well after already doing his physical therapy, he was wiped out but wanted to be able to do this for her so she could stop feeling unwell. She works retail so the parking lot is packed.
We had to park near the back of the parking lot, because you decided that you, with your probably well working legs, couldn't be assed to walk a little bit farther to do your shopping. I had to stop with my dad several times in the parking lot while walking just toward the store, he hadn't even gotten in yet.
I double checked to make sure I hadn't missed that you'd just placed your placard in some odd spot, people do that sometimes and it's not immediately visible, but no. No placard, no disabled plates.
I wanted so badly to call and have your car towed, to teach you a lesson for being a privileged dick doing your shopping while my father is in near tears trying to cross the large lot.
I opted for leaving a note on your windshield instead.
Like I said, I'm trying to be hopeful it was just an honest mistake, that you were disabled and suppose to park there, or just out of surgery or whatever reason you'd need to legitimately take that space, which is why I didn't have you towed. But part of me wishes I would have.
Hopefully my note makes you reconsider, I doubt it will, douche bags tend to stay douche bags.
Happy fucking holidays you prick.
|
self.offmychest
|
Seeking advice on my potential wedding Hi guys.
I'm under eval for type 2. Looks like I will finish the eval now, been several times before but quit in the middle of it with years in between evals but I am stable enough now to follow through I think.
Part of why Im doing better is my amazing SO. She has been dropping hints for some time she wants to get married. At times I have made huge proposal plans but then suddenly I feel so insecuire. I dont know how to handle a wedding unless I have a really good week and I cant know that in advance. I also have a history of social anxiety and it stays with me despite repeated exposure.
The reason I ask you guys is because you probably understand better than most. One of my biggest issues is that while my so has a big family I have none (I cut contact). Her family knows that so I guess that part is ok. HOWEVER I am also more or less friendless. I have one person who will maybe show up. Maybe. What a fucking huge red flag for her family. I will seem like a total loser and or psycho. But then again at times I think fuck what everyone else thinks I can not never marry my SO because of my mental health issues and lack of friends.
I have beem stuck in that loop for over a year. Mentioned it to my theraphist last time and he seemed to think proposing was a bad idea untill I had been stable for at least 4 months, I dont get it. Seems unrealistic I go up and down from day to day or week to week.
What would you do?
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm Probably Going to Fail a Course My only chance to pass the class is to do well on the final. The problem is I need at least a C on the final and on the past two tests I have been getting 50s.
I know some of the fault lies with me. I know that I should have done better. The teacher makes tests that have been virtually impossible to study for, and the fact that I have been dealing with depression probably hasn't helped me.
It looks like everyone is going to pass except for me. God I hate myself. I wish I could restart the semester but I don't even know what I can do at this point.
I feel like I'm in a room that's filling up with water and there's no way out. In the back of my mind I know I'm going to be okay, but things are going to get a lot worse before they get better and I'm not ready for that.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anxiety will be high today... I am going to a belated / New Years part that my girlfriends family is hosting. There are going to be around 35 or so ppl there and I don’t know anyone but my gf and her mom, dad, and sisters. I am also meeting her uncle for the first time that owns a company that is looking for an IT guy and I’d be a perfect fit for. I’m just afraid that my severe anxiety will take over and I’m going to fuck this up. Usually when I get anxious, I find a place to hide. It’s my safe haven. I also afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing and blow it. What if I don’t say enough? Ugh.. I’m on 20 mg of Lexapro and thinking of taking 2 to get me through. Any help and suggestions will help. I hope...
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm not too sad or angry Just very tired, I want to sleep forever
Value is such a crazy thing
I don't know what else to say
|
self.depression
|
What to do What to do when your meds aren’t working and therapy isn’t helping. And you’re stuck in reverse. Life is passing you by. Lonely and broke
|
self.depression
|
Dear roommates: YOU GUYS SUCK This is a year and a half coming. Fuck you guys. You are the laziest fucking people on the planet. I can't ever invite anyone over because everywhere but my room looks like fucking shit. Can't use the kitchen ever because you can't be bothered to clean anything. You both just play league of legends and ignore the three fucking dogs you own WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ALLOWED TO HAVE. Seriously I feel so damn bad for these animals that have to deal with you. I live with a couple and guess what. DUDE I HEAR YOU GUYS HAVING SEX AND YOU'RE A ONE PUMP CHUMP. Seriously dude you are the biggest piece of trash I've ever seen. You work 4 hours a week and then all you do is smoke weed and play video games on your shitty laptop and you still suck at league even though that's all you do. You keep your dog locked in a cage whining, you don't fucking clean anything or do ANYTHING. I have to clean everything just to keep my sanity. Both of you fucking suck and deserve each other and I can't wait until you both move out. Fuck you.
|
self.offmychest
|
How is it even when I get my dream guy, I still search for a way to fuck it up? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't know I don't know why my mood is so up and down. Some days I'm fine then the next day I am extremely suicidal. It really hurts. I don't know how to cope with my emotions. The other day I was so happy but started crying my eyes out because I felt so depressed. It's a vicious cycle that I just want to end.
I am really embarrassed by putting this out there but might as well.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Boyfriend ditched me on thanksgiving Apparently he decided he didn’t want to see my family. I️ fought to have off work just to spend it with him and he ditched me completely. And he left his phone at home so he didn’t have to deal with my calls or texts. Worst day ever
|
self.offmychest
|
Woke up feeling depressed, advice? My sleep is regular, & I try to sleep 6-8 h a day. Woke up today feeling like ass, I have so much work & projects to do plus finals r due this week. But I honestly can't seem to care too much, not even freaking out out about it. I literally feel like nothing matters & I want to be alone.
Any advice on what to do? At least to not feel as shitty. & maybe try & get stuff done?
|
self.depression
|
My long distance relationship is lacking He ignores me all the time now, and doesn't seem as into the relationship as he was a month ago.
I feel like I'm waiting for him to either dump me or apologize for something, maybe he cheated? Maybe he thinks everything is fine? Who knows.
Either way, this really sucks.
|
self.offmychest
|
Told my Dad I love him. I'm consumed with regret. I truly don't like being around family, and we had a big family get together for Christmas. I've been feeling really down lately, and I just couldn't handle being around everyone, so I basically just left mid dinner in a rush. My dad followed me out and apologized if he said something that upset me, which wasn't the case. I texted him later in the night apologizing for leaving hastily. He responds, and I respond back saying I love him too, which is the first time I've said that in many years. I'm consumed with regret because I doubt they understand where I'm coming from and probably think I'm a bad son. I also regret telling my dad I love him, which I don't know why.
|
self.depression
|
My life is coming to an end. I don't know if this is me calling for help or if I'm just here trying to find a shred of a reason to stay alive. I feel like I'm guilting my s/o into staying with me and I feel even more horrible for it. I'm 20 and my life hasn't been horrible. Sure there were shitty times but my life has been somewhat in the middle. Only recently has my life taken a turn for the worst. I've dropped out of college and I'm in debt and back home with nothing to show for it. My mother hounds me to get back into a trade school or anything in those sorts but. I don't see a point to any of it. I told my s/o my plans and they told me not to die on them because it would ruin our plans of being happily married but I don't know if I can live past right now. I want to sleep and never wake up. I wish I was never born. I don't want to eat. I don't want to sleep and I don't want medication that won't help or work. I just want to disappear. I can't even sleep anymore because my dreams are so fucked up and vivid that I can't do this shit I just fucking can't
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How I feel everyday Depression it’s a bitch.
Its like there is a constant voice in your head telling you that you are worthless, pathetic, useless, a failure, a disappointment that you don’t deserve happiness or to be alive but to only feel pain. It makes you feel like you are forever trapped in an abyss with no way of crawling out. Sometimes you can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it always drags you back deeper than you’ve gone before and the impossible cycle of escaping begins again. No matter how much you try to escape the darkness, your brain yearns for the dark thoughts to return because it happens so frequently that it becomes the comfort zone for it.
You begin to doubt everything about yourself; telling yourself whatever you do isn’t good enough and you should just stop trying or its worthless to just go on and might be better to just end it all. You feel like you are nothing and will be important to anyone ever and when you are gone everyone will be happier knowing the pathetic failure that they once knew will be gone forever and can no longer fuck up their lives.
All the smiles on the outside is just a mask to cover how you really feel. You cut because you feel like you deserve the sharp stinging sensation as the blade cuts your arm open and the blood slowing oozing out. Afterwards you are left with scars as a constant reminder of the pain you cause others and how worthless you are.
|
self.depression
|
How do people do it? I️ look at people who are happy, laughing, social... and I️ wonder how they do I️t. How do they wake up in the morning and just... live?
|
self.depression
|
I give up I think tonight is it, I just can't do this shit anymore. I'm about to be homeless and I've messaged everyone in my family for help and none of them give a shit and I just can't deal with anything anymore and I'm just so sick of everything I have no money and nowhere to live and no job and I'd rather be dead than living so I give up
|
self.depression
|
I'm not angry or sad. I'm just depressed. Usually I have moments of sadness or anger about my situation but recently I just go through the motions without any emotions.
I was listening to an episode on The Hilarious World of Depression. There was an incredibly sad story. Real me would have cried but I just lied there wondering why I'm not tearing up. I can't even cry. What's going to happen when something truly terrible happens in my life? I don't think I have felt this numb before.
|
self.depression
|
Everyone I love is an asshole. I spend a lot of time at home by myself when I'm not at work. I usually always have the tv on so I don't feel so alone, so it's not so quiet. Well for some reason I thought it was a good idea to let my ex stay for a few weeks until he found a new place. Of course we get into the same arguments. And he decided to break my vacuum, put some holes in my wall, and break my tv.
I know it's pathetic to rely on it. But it's so quiet and lonely. Just with my thoughts. Looking at the holes in my walls. Feeling like a fucking idiot.
For a while it was nice just that he was gone and not saying horrible things to me. But now I just feel so anxious. I should have never let anyone in.
|
self.depression
|
I am useless I can't focus on anything. I have a group presentation tomorrow, but I haven't done much for the presentation at all. I just sit around for hours doing nothing. It's so fucking annoying and I feel like shit because I want to get shit done but I can't. I tell myself to do my shit but I never do anything. I'm just useless at this point. No one would really give a shit if I died anyways, I have no friends. Last time I met with someone outside of school was in 5th grade. I can't fucking do anything and I have no friends, no reason not to die. There would be no regret because I would be dead. I just want to die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don’t mean to be a dark cloud I use to be happy and bubbly and outgoing girl. I’m 24 years old now and I’ve become this constant dark cloud. And I think...I enjoy it. It’s something I hold onto and it makes me feel safe. Things happened over the years that made me scared and made me build up a wall. This didn’t happen over night. It was a time line of constant failure and mistakes and physical hurt. I don’t mean to come off sour or be gloomy. Like at work I’m not peppy and bubbly I’m just doing my job. I’m to focused in my head and afraid I’m gonna acres up not to mention I’m tense 24-7. My sister told me a bout a week ago that I’ve changed and I use to be funny and upbeat. Idk how to get to that place again. I’ve seen to much harm and anger. I’ve put myself in danger and made whopper mistakes. Now I’m just here trying to live. Trying to navigate a healthy life style. Whatever that may be. I’ve hurt people and they’ve hurt me. I lost myself and saw the raw real world people. And it wasn’t pretty. It sucked the life right out of me and I helped to do that to myself. I thought I was nothing and thought I would only be happy with a man in my life. Seeking attention night and day. Having promiscuous sex. The lies and toxic relationship. Alcohol and pot played a part of course. It all consumed me and I forgot to take care of myself. And now I’m alone. I barely have any friends. I’ve cut and cut people out left and right. It was hard to do but I couldn’t keep up anymore. I barely go out anymore. I got tired of being stupid and hanging around low life’s. I deserve better. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. Idk but right now I’m alone and I love it. I’d rather be alone then filled with constant angry anxiety and exhausted from the party life. It’s just been myself and I. Some days it’s harder than others but I’m still here. I hope things turn around for me in the sense of my love life and finding new friends and a better job for myself. Oh! And moving out of my parents house. That would be great. I’m just so eager for the whole picture to come together in harmony. But it takes time. And I’m impatient of course lol. But I gotta deal with it. And live the best I can.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Question about the effects of xanax... Hi r/anxiety. Sorry for the throwaway, but I have a question about xanax. I was recently prescribed it in 0.5mg form for my intense test anxiety. On Wednesday I had an intense bout of anxiety--I started shaking, felt nauseous, was in a lot of pain and couldn't sleep. I went to my doctor and she was very kind and understanding.
Now, my test, one of my PhD comprehensive exams, is tomorrow, and I'm starting to feel the anxiety build up. I'm thinking about taking 0.25mg tonight, to treat the anxiety I'm feeling already. But I'm concerned that it will make me groggy or forgetful during my exam tomorrow, especially since this will be the first time I'm taking it.
Does anyone have any experience they can share taking 0.25mg and taking a test the next day? What should I expect to happen? How long do the effects last? My exam is also 24hrs, so I was thinking if my anxiety is really bad during the exam I might take another 0.25mg, but, again, I want to be able to complete the test... Thanks!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm thirty-four and everything just keeps getting worse I heard a comedian make a joke about suicide once. The general gist of it was if you go to the movies and the first half is unrelenting shit then yeah, you can reasonably guess it's not going to get better and you may as well check out. That's how life is feeling right about now. At this point I can reasonably assume the best is not yet to come. In fact everything coming after this will probably be the same as this, but with more body aches. And this...has not been great. I wait tables. Badly. I graduated high school. Barely. Things that should be easy are hard. Things that should be kind of hard seem fucking impossible. The anxiety and sadness and tiredness I feel every day makes it hard to get out of the house. I used to think being in a relationship would make things better. If anything it's worse. Before that I thought having friends would make me happy. They're just another thing that takes work, another thing to always feel like I'm losing. There are moments of something like joy. Moments of sort of feeling ok, but they don't last long. They make the rest of the time feel worse. Every reason I can find to not do this rings hollow, sounds like an empty platitude. I think it's finally really time to accept the reality that's been beating me over the head for as long as I can remember. Every moment I've not done it was fueled by denial. It's not going to get better. I've hoped it would for over 3 decades and it's about time I accept reality.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Depression is increased inertia! I.e. When i'm in bed i don't want to get out of bed.
When i'm in the shower, it takes too much work to get out of the shower.
So when someone asks you what is wrong, just tell them that you have a greater inertia than they do! xD
|
self.depression
|
question about antidepressants triggering mania hello. i’ve always had worries about being bipolar but i’ve never discussed them with anyone. (i’m 16.) recently, i talked to my parents about depression when i was really low, and ended up going to the doctors. i made sure to stay away from my worries about bipolarity and overall just describe things differently to avoid it. (i have never really believed that i was bipolar before because i never researched it, and i thought that it was like shifts between suicidal and psychotic every other hour or day. i never really had a clear understanding of what being bipolar meant and i thought that my shifts which could last a week or more definitely werent being bipolar, because it would be every day then right? but i was wrong obviously.) ever since starting prozac things have been feeling kinda weird, but a while after starting 20 mg a day (so about a week since i started taking prozac) it has sent me into what i am 100 percent sure is mania. (or hypomania, i dont know) but a whole bunch of nervous tics came out of nowhere and i feel randomly so so happy like everything is the best in the world for a small amount of the time and then super irritated and kinda just on edge all the rest of the time. i am always driving incredibly fast and i hate it because i dont want to hurt anyone doing something stupid like this. i’ve also started flirting with a ton of girls and overall just being so, so out of character. i’m talking so so fast and all the time, i’m usually pretty shy and reserved. its like this isnt even me. it feels so weird and i dont know how to deal with it, a good amount of it is feelings i’m used to (looking into the past its so so obvious i was bipolar) but its like they’re all multiplied by 1000. this just isnt me. i really dont want to talk to a doctor about it because i dont want to be bipolar and i dont want to change meds and i dont want any of this. i keep telling myself theres no way i’m bipolar because i just really, really dont want that but i cant really do anything about it.
could this not be mania? could this be mania but just not bipolar mania? what should i do about all of this? if i just keep on going like i am without changing anything am i gonna swing back down to being suicidal? has anyone else been in this situation?
thank you all so much.
edit: helpful detail: i have adhd. also if you have any questions about further details just ask, i kinda just shat this out because i really suck at wording right now. just let me know. thanks!
|
self.bipolar
|
Acupuncture for anxiety Has anyone tried this? Any experience with it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm annoyed with people over explaining things like I have no idea what they mean [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I signed up for therapy today omg I still can't believe it.
so fucking great! I finally did it
I was terrified beforehand. but they were so nice and made sure I feel well. why did I delay this for so long?
I will start in 3 weeks, there is no back now
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone know what’s it’s like to watch on train tracks? Since I been on anti psychotics I’ve tried to twice but I’ve told my friends and they’ve stopped me but does anyone know what it’s like? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Not telling my therapist everything I've been seeing my therapist for almost 5 years now. It started with me having acute schizophrenia and now is about my depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Most of the time I've told him basically every. But now that my suicidal thoughts are getting much worse even with my medication I don't tell him cause he's said he's been close to sending me to the hospital to make sure I'm safe. But in all reality I would hate myself so much if I had to go there. So I just say the thoughts are controllable.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Help! 52 hours no sleep, new to bipolar Hello, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder with Bipolar II
I was at the hospital few months ago, and again yesterday, they gave me Seroquel and I didn't sleep on it, they gave me 15 mg of Zyprexa (Olanzapine) and it didn't make me sleepy, I'm euphoric right now and very happy, but hallucinating cause I've been awake for ages, what should I do? should I enjoy it? or go to the hospital?
P.S. I take 100 mg of Lamictal too
|
self.bipolar
|
i can’t sleep i’ve been planning for my suicide [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Everything feels just so far away and I can't get out of my head. I'm in a tough situation right now. I'm struggling with keeping positive, I have depression from being bipolar but it's also compounded by the anxiety I have with my current situation. I'm struggling to get through each day, I tell myself not to cry over and over and not to feel and just get through what I need to because there isn't any other choice. Unfortunately it's very hard to stop what I'm feeling. It's heavy, I can psychically feel it on my chest at times, pressing down making it hard for me to move or breathe.
I get paranoid, I feel like other people know that I'm off, that somethings wrong with me even though I try very hard not to show anything I'm feeling. I just started this new job and I don't want anyone to think or look at me like there's something wrong, but sometimes I think they notice it and it makes me incredibly anxious and uncomfortable. I know in reality no one is paying attention, no one can really know, but it just feels like it. I have scars from long ago and at one of my old jobs a trainer noticed. In the middle of the break area with a ton of people around he walked up to me and knelt down, asked if I was depressed or felt sad at times. It was mortifying, all I could do was smile and say, what? No, everything is fine. It was so incredibly embarrassing, I couldn't bear that happening again. So I get really paranoid when people are near me.
I don't know if this is the right phrase, but I'm high functioning, I don't get stuck in my room, I don't stop, ever, but I hope on most days I get hit by a bus or get into some kind of accident or something where I don't I have to wake up the next morning and go through the motions of being a good person or good mom or good partner or a good worker. Where I don't have to act like everything is just peachy keen. I honestly feel so damn hollow that I find myself reminding me to smile when I talk to people, to make sure I don't say anything flat or out of the norm.
when I get the time to be by myself I spend it crying or semi watching something, just waiting till I can go to sleep, hoping the next day will be different. But it's not, it's always the same thing, no matter how hard I've tried to change it and me. I have no interests, no real hobby's, I don't go anywhere, I have no goals or aspirations, I don't make friends, haven't had any for 10 years. I wouldn't call anyone if I didn't feel I had to (family) and I only talk because I can't not talk. People would think it was weird, and I don't want that. I do talk to my partner but he's a problem I can't fix, so it's hard to talk to him about this or anything deeper than "Do you think parallel universes exist?" or some other kind of fluff, and he seems to be totally fine with that.
My life's purpose pretty much boils down to "do it for your daughter" or "do it for your family". I don't have anything other than that. It's ok if you're a lifeless shell, do whatever you need to do for them. I've been told that so many times and it only makes me feel so fucking worthless. And I think, this is it? This i what I've spent 30 years of my life for? This is the culmination of my struggles, of everything I've done. Why do I continue if it's just more of this?
Do note, I'm not suicidal, I wouldn't kill myself. Just really depressed.
|
self.bipolar
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.