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Bipolar spiritual awakening 2 years ago I was in the middle of exams of my first semester of college. I went into extreme mania with symptoms of psychosis and didn’t sleep for nearly 2 weeks. I was hospitalized for 3 1/2 months and they tried to give me anaesthesia and medications to make me sleep but nothing would work. I had so much energy and racing thoughts that it was impossible to fall asleep so I wrote poetry for weeks on end. I can’t help but feel like I was receiving information from a higher entity or dimension or something. I felt like my intuition had increased a ton and I started to love all people and animals unconditionally. It felt like I was accessing more of my brain and I believe there is much more to mania/psychosis than just something wrong with the brain. To me this experience felt like a spiritual awakening.
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self.bipolar
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I'm sure I'm gonna kill myself Hopefully today I will but I'm a coward so I might not. But it doesn't matter. Ill kill myself one day. Tomorrow today a year from now, it doesn't matter. I've excepted that ill never change and I'm to sick to ever live a life that makes me fill fulfilled. I'm not happy with any thing in life. Money means nothing to me. Objects mean nothing to me. My own life or feelings mean nothing to me. I've only stayed around this long cause im just a fucking pussy. To scared of not existing. Just as scared of living. I will either kill myself or live a life of nothing. Just pain. Day after day of this fucking insanity. I just really hope i can bring myself to do it. I don't want to live this monotony. The same thing over and over till I die a sad old man. I would rather die than that. I want to go walk a couple blocks to the highway and walk into traffic. My only options left in life are to live with my parents till they die cause I'm to fucked up to even work or to kill myself now. That I truly believe. Those are my options and i hope I have the balls to choose the right one. I think my last thought will be what evil being makes a person to just have them be born so sick in the head they can't even enjoy existence. So sick nothing can make them happy or whole. So sick they can't work or live a normal life... So sick they just burn and break everything they touch.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety makes it hard to talk to people, but depression makes me feel alone I know it's my own problem but damn sometimes the loneliness just gets to me. I have nobody right now. Internet friends can only be there so long and do so much. Sometimes I really feel like I'm over with being afraid and sad, but days like this just bring all the feelings back.
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self.Anxiety
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im too fucking weak to exist i swear to god i wasnt meant for this planet
i just called the suicide hotline. no hygiene for nearly a decade because of my depression has turned my teeth into rot but i dont have dental insurance, or any insurance for that matter. the anxiety wont go away. the pain wont go away and i have the worst pain tolerance so im sitting here, sobbing, scared of everything, alone. ive had 3 panic attacks in the last 24 hours and i can never fall asleep anymore. im terrified of getting a job. im terrified of social situations.
iwalked to the store to get some orajel for my teeth. did nothing, just numbed all the wrong places and sent me into the third panic attack. nothing works. nothing works. im going to die like this. i would rather die than go through life as someone scared of their own shadow
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self.SuicideWatch
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I miss you I hate being without you. you've become so different and I hate it. I honestly need you in my life rn because I feel broken and alone. I cant do this. You always say you'll be there for me but when it actually comes down to it you aren't. I love and miss you so much. I hate how we are right now. I just want you to talk to me again. Please. Im trying so hard for you.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety and memory loss I woke up this morning with heightened anxiety levels. Had a panic attack that affected me physically (rapid pulse, aphasia, nausea, dizziness). Before that I had difficulty remembering the last couple of weeks and this persisted for another half-hour after the panic attack.
Does anyone else experience this, and if so, how do you handle it?
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self.Anxiety
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What am I doing wrong? Please help me? Please help me with any tips you can give. I'm very tired of not knowing what I'm doing wrong, and I want to change but I don't know what to do. This situation contributes to depression I believe, which I have taken medication for. I just don't see a solution to this horrible feeling without fixing whatever it is that is wrong with me that makes me unworthy of receiving love.
I'm 24, female, about to receive my Masters degree, involved in a variety of hobbies, and I have good job prospects. I pay my own bills/rent, food, and entertainment, I have my own car, I have goals and I am dedicated to achieving them. I do have friends, some closer than others. I'm not a drinker, nor a smoker, and I don't like to party, have one night stands, or do hard drugs.
Okay, all of that aside, I'm completely lost on why men do not show even the slightest bit of interest in me. I can get close to a guy through talking all the time and sharing lots of mutual interests, but they NEVER like me in a romantic way. Or if they do and meet me in person, they think don't follow through and stop talking to me, even though we could become good friends.
I don't lay it on thick. I do not automatically think we're in a relationship or that it means more than it does. I don't pressure. I don't expect them to pay for anything or lavish me with attention or gifts.
All I want is a partner with whom I can spend time together. Just want to have someone to talk with after our days and go out together, support each other, have someone to care about what I think or what happened at work... I don't have anyone and I never have. I'm so lonely and it HAS to change. I'm just wasting my life away and I'm incredibly sad, depressed, listless, hopeless. You name it: I feel so down and hate myself because of this.
Please help. Ask any follow up questions if you need to in order to see what's wrong with me. Thank you. I Really need help.
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self.depression
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Fuck it Fuck, it's been a while since I have been on this part of reddit. I kinda guess I knew this day would come, I was just putting it off in my mind, but now it is to time to visit once again.
Instead of studying for my orgo exam tomorrow I'm sitting here numb and just trying to get the thoughts out before they fade. I've been in a major depressive spiral for the past past 5 months or so and I am scared that it will come to a head soon. That spiral feeds into other larger spirals, and reinforces some basic assumptions about myself that are pushing me in this direction. I can't deal with what I am up against, I feel it is better to quit now while people still regard me as someone with potential instead of letting them see the husk of a person that I really am.
I've always assumed that I was going to kill myself, at first it was the belief that I wouldn't live till the age of 20 (that started around 12-14) and progressed into the assumption that I would kill myself in the next 6 months (all throughout highschool). I have since made it to 20 and haven't killed myself, yet I still feel like my inevitable end is nearing.
I knew I would never get out of school alive, its one of the reason I tried killing myself when I was in 10th grade. I knew I was always going to end it before I became self sufficient, so I thought why not save everyone the extra wasted time, love, and money by killing myself now instead of later. Unfortunately I did not die, nor did I change enough to avoid the same situation again so I am back here with y'all. I really could of avoid this, maybe if I had actually listened to my therapist//psychologist and signed up with disability services and/or tried ADHD/SSRI's I could of made myself into a successful student. But I didn't, instead I let dates and assignments slide, blow off and forget appointments and generally just made a mess of things. I haven't even signed up for classes yet thats how sure I won't be coming back up.
I am very scarred right now, I have had a date and plan for months, I don't know what to do or how to stop this. I am going home to my parents next week, I hope I can talk to them instead of being afraid. This is the first time in my life that I don't want to go, but it feels destined to be like this. I cannot see any other options, I know they are there but I am blind to them.
Fuck doing this from a throwaway, if I do kill myself I want to have something for my parents to look back at to try to understand what happened. I love you guys and I am so sorry, I just wish I was a better kid for y'all while I was alive.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm going to group therapy for the second time in my life and i'm scared. I'm scared that nothing will ever help me get better. I feel so hopeless and tired and lonely. Trapped inside my own mind forever. If only you could feel what i go through each day. Man life is just too much for me...
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self.depression
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Facebook...... I really need to stay off that fucking site during this time.
For the record, I'm a 21 yo left-wing dude just south of Atlanta. Like right outside the city. Basically a mixture.
Anyways, anyone else staying off the book for the time being? I can't even check my notifications because I know if I respond to a comment then all hell will break loose with a stupid flam war and like I actually have things to do. But then once that agitation starts OH ITS ON.
***Need to be productive today***.
***Need to be p r o d u c t I v e today***.
That's all, folks.
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self.bipolar
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I heard burning bunch of charcoal in a sealed tiny space is the most painless way of suicide, i am contemplating about that. So I came across the internet and did my own research. I found that if you burn enough charcoal in a sealed room or small space it would increase certain amount of CO in the air which can cause you unconscious within minutes and you will feel like sleeping until your brain completely shut down.
I have read also about those suicide survivors they described the first few minutes to coma is painless cuz they couldn't even recall when they passed out，but the aftermath the sequela can be intolerable if u didn't actually die from it!
And with this method it has a high rate of success than others besides shotgun in the head and jump from height(very high). From my research i learned it is allegedly the least painful way of doing it.
I am really thinking about doing this. Bc i just CAN NOT deal this mentality anymore!
Anyone who attempted this method and didn't die please tell me what was it really like when the first few minutes into unconsciousness.
Any info would help bc i don't want to do it and fail.
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self.depression
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My friend and her daughter saved me today and they didn't even know it I'm functional at my job and with friends and family. On my own - it's the worst. In my mind, that's when I just want to die, but will never have the guts to do it myself.
I agree with others here that the guilt of leaving loved ones behind... the thought of my family walking in and finding me dead in bed or on the floor, has kept me from going forward with this.
I've thought about how countless times. To do it as clean as possible and in the least selfish way - where no one has to clean up my blood or my body parts or find my dead body somewhere.
I was going to shower and see how I felt afterwards. I got out of the shower and still felt depressed more than ever.
I was thinking that I just want to be acknowledged. I am on the spectrum of BPD, but lately I've been doing so much better. And all I want is for my partner to acknowledge this and say something nice, rather than pointing out every time I mess up and telling me to fix the negative outlook. I think it's an Asian cultural thing: you don't praise what's already good behaviour, you only focus on what needs to be fixed. However, I think my partner is very positive and supportive for the most part, so I don't think my partner intentionally and maliciously does this. It's just a cultural thing.
Coming out of the shower, I received a text message from my friend. She and I have plans for tomorrow. She messaged asking if it was alright her 4 year old daughter joins us because the babysitter fell through. That text message saved me for one more day. She is a 4 year old girl who only knows happiness and I didn't want to be selfish and ruin life for her. That's not the way I'd want to go.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Think real hard when you say it'll get better Living with depression for more than a decade and have had this line used on me since as a kid.
Let me tell you something.
When you say that shit. You give false hope.
When you give false hope. Its met with disappointment.
What happens after disappointment? Multiplication of depression and suicide ideation.
Just a food for thought.
#FuckLife
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self.depression
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DAE Half-sleep Talking/Dreaming? Does anyone else get very tired very quickly and partially fall asleep, but still say out load the words that you are instantly dreaming? Like be in a conversation, get lost in thought, and the next thing you know you are half-asleep and saying something completely irrelevant to the conversation you were in? I can not find anything about what may be causing this because I can't really explain it. Any ideas?
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self.bipolar
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I cant stand this boredom anymore! Its been quite a while now, this boredom is literally killing me, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore!! Nothing seem to really catch my attention anymore..
I have been a gamer and internet addict for so long but now gaming doesnt make it anymore, I have way to much free time and so barely any game can last me more than a few days anymore, not to mention that I cant play all the high end game anymore, even stuff like Divinity 2 its barely run on my laptop.
With this boredom I feel sleepy almost all the time, I even sometimes go to sleep just to not be so bored anymore, sometime I go to sleep at 8:30pm and wake up at 5 am or so, standing in front of my computer wondering what I should do.
Either its movies, tv show, youtube video, its not enough, I need more always more!...
I feel so sad. I dont know what to do...
ps: for all the genius out there, no, physical exercise IS NOT an option, also suggestion like, read a book and such, if you can do it on a computer (for most of it) its meaningless also.
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self.depression
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Can we talk about the rampant sexual abuse in psych hospitals? My good.friend was raped by a tech, thankfully she sued the hospital and won. Once I woke up with my gown and blankets pulled.up to my waist with my vagene expeosed. It's like we go there for help and get molested.
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self.bipolar
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Did you... Judgments are like farts, the loud are careless and empty. The silent ones are deadly.
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self.offmychest
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I can't do anything right So yesterday was shitty, and I tried to make myself feel better by baking some Christmas cookies since I had some free time. I followed a basic shortbread cookie recipe, and I used the molds that my mom said were for shortbread cookies. Everything was going fine until the cookies were cooling, and I tried to get them out of the molds, and the cookie dough basically ended up collapsing in upon itself and the whole thing was ruined. I had to throw it out and now I have a bunch of dishes to wash and no cookies and I feel like utter shit and I just want to lay in bed and cry.
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self.depression
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Nothing will ever be good enough You struggle infinitely and none of it means shit. Only to end in disappointment. I don’t crave external validation or pats on the back, I’m just fucking tired of inhuman toiling for zero returns.
My lung disease has robbed me of all joy or rest quite literally, every aspect of my life is dominated by an incurable disease.
I’m tired of progress being a worthless, meaningless concept for me. I’m tired of sacrificing everything to get nothing.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm planning on ODing soon. I’m planning to OD some pills soon. but there’s something lingering in my mind. I’m not scared of dying itself. I'm scared of the afterlife. See, I was raised, Christian. I used to believe in God, however, I'm now Agnostic. It’s just that, the idea of Hell was hammered into my mind by my family and even though there’s a chance it doesn’t exist, I'm scared I'll go there when I die. I'm scared I'll suffer there for eternity. but since I'm taking the cowards way out, I deserve to go there, right?
It doesn’t really matter, right? I’m a monster, and monsters deserve to go to Hell, don’t they?
Sorry if I didn't make much sense, I'm just really tired right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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You are a horrible human being. I can't believe what you did. After all she's done for you, after everything you've been through together, you walk out on them? At Christmas? I never liked you much anyway but shes my friend and she loved you. She didn't deserve this. I hope things don't work out with this new woman. You threw away a 10 year marriage for her. You don't deserve anything.
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self.offmychest
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anxiety and diet? Hi,
I have heard that gluten, dairy, and sugar can contribute to anxiety due to the way they can spike blood sugar, resulting in highs and lows of brain chemicals. I am going to try not eating them for the next 30 days to see if it helps in my personal life but I was just curious if anybody on here has had any success managing their anxiety through diet?
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self.Anxiety
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Bipolar 2 -- can hypomania last for months? It seems like lots of people describe hypomania as lasting a few days or weeks. As I look back (and count my regrets) it seems my last episode extended from last October through April, or even May. Six months seems like a lot—is it possible I'm reading too deeply into this?
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self.bipolar
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Why can't I let go I had a brakeup almost 2 years ago. We were stupid young. Lets just say 8th grade. She took my virginity and i took hers. I never thought of that as a big deal. Then she left me for my best friend. I considered him a brother. I was fucking torn up(I didn't know about him and her yet). It happened on a Sunday and I skipped school and cried all monday. The one thing that bothers me is that I had a dream that she left me for him months before i had really any clue. Then it stayed in the back of my head. Then Tuesday i go to school and hes Chillen with her in the morning and her body language told it all. Her whole body constantly stayed towards him. She always had her hands in between her legs. It hurt. A lot. We had a shitty school dance that friday and well they went. I was livid and my best friend came up to me and asked if it was okay to go with her. I knew it was going to happen regardless. So i said yes. And Friday came and i had held it in at school okay. I cried Tuesday in 1st period but it was lowkey. So friday comes and i decided fuck it. I went with her best friend. I was her first kiss. I was a shitty person. I knew what I was doing but i didn't wanna believe it. Anyways him and her get together and i get with her best friend (lets call her faith). Well me and my "best friend" (lets call him dave) became chill. I forgave him to an extent. We decide to go this shitty fair. Well me and my ex ( lets call her mya) had,talked about cheating. So i met up with her and ditched dave. And i kissed mya. It was amazing... But she knew what she did and it killed her. Well a few month's pass and it came out. It had to come,out. He and her end up braking up over other reasons. Well me and her got together and stayed together for awhile until Halloween. Fucking Halloween. She dumped me for some bullshit reason. She went back to dave. And i play guitar and I'm alright but at the time i was shit. I got invited out to play this show with a friend and she showed up. Out of the 10 maybe 7 people she was,one. And afterwords I got to piss and theres a hallway where the bathrooms where and she was waiting a friend that brought her. A few word were exchanged and she pushed me aganist the wall and got really,close. Didn't kiss me but got,in my face in a sexy way not like pissy. Well my parents are wasted and her friends parents are wasted. So we go to her friends place. Shes still with dave. Well we try to sleep but it,didn't work and she at one point got on top of me (this is bouta get graphic as fuck) well she started moving around and my dick got aligned with her pussy and she got,wet. I felt like a straight rockstar at this point. Well it stops,there and we try to sleep. Her friend passes put and she on her phone reading,wattpad or some shit. She pulls up notes and types "ill really horny tbh" so thing escalated and i ate her out and nothing else happened. She passed out in my arms. She was my dream girl. So charismatic and outgoing but yet shy and cute. Well i had a walk of,shame that next,morning which wasn't shameful at all. For me at least. Well she and him brakeup and me her stay in contact. One day her dad snapped. He's was pussy whipped bitch. He was basically abusing her. Her real mom lived far away and she had cancer. She had around a year left. She still alive today. Thank god. But anyways her dad,liked me,so he let her hang out with me. But he through all of her shit in the basement and only,let her talk to her mom. And he listened to she said her. He took everything away from her. For,basically no reason. I tried to pick her up and hang,with her almost everyday to get her out of that house. Well we had the best sex one of the first times she came over. We decided to go the local public pool and she promised me dave wouldnt come. Then the day we went she begged me to let him go. Beggged. Well we go to my place,after words and my parents go the local gas station well I was hanging out outside my living room. And I could hear theyre lips smaking each other and she was on top of Dave. On my damn couch. Well i Didn't say anything and all three of us where in my room and she put a blanket over both of them. I left and,went out side and cried. And cried. And after dave left she apologized and i accepted it. And we kept fucking around and one time she said his dick felt better and it was thicker than mine,but shorter. That killed me. It tore me down in front of her eyes but I held it together. She went to go live with her mom and she went to daves and he ditched her and dave didn't didn't live far away but it was dark and no street lights so I ran to her and hugged her. She hung,out for a while. We messed around and cuddled and said,goodbye and she said she would come and visit. Well her mom showed up and hugged me. And told,me,thank you and eveything. I mean i kept her from her abusive father. Well a few other incidents happended and i accidentally out of anger that ive had bulit up I told her to fuck off. I apologized so much. I felt terrible. Well we didnt talk for a long time. And i talked to her another time and she told me she had visited but she hasn't came to see me..... That broke me. Absoloutly shattered me. I went into a mental hospital because i had become,suicidal. Extreamly suicidal. I cant tell them what all happened because they'll fucking take me,away from my parents for letting us fuck and then getting drunk and fighting and i was to scared and still am to tell my consular. Its been 2 years and almost everyday i think about her. I dont miss her I can just not recover no matter what. I just carry with me and no matter what it won't go. I have a girl friend but how am i supposed to tell her that still makes me upset to the point of useless frustration and anger towards everyone. I just wanna go in a corner and blow,my brains out but i have my whole life ahead of me but, i can't carry this with me man... My girlfriends mom just died a horrible death. And she was abused to. Well i came to find out that girl was getting raped while i was fucking around with her. I always knew something was happening but she being raped... Shes to scared to say who it was. I just don't know...
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self.SuicideWatch
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After effects of benzos So basically I was wondering if benzos can make u more socially awkward for a few days after a pill wears off or even longer? I’m finally feeling a lot less awkward these days but then I ended up taking klonopin for neck pain so could that possibly make me feel more awkward for the next couple of days after it wears off?
Cheers!
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self.Anxiety
|
Is anyone else relatively high-functioning with chronic depression? My neglected childhood was such a constant struggle for survival that I never really formed a personality or developed interests. I've led a relatively successful life since graduating highschool and escaping that hell six years ago. I graduated university and secured a series of software engineering jobs culminating in a cushy 100% remote position that pays ~150k at age 24.
From the outside I am pretty successful, especially relative to my peers; but the truth is that I am a shell of a person who puts no effort into anything. I breezed through highschool, breezed through university, and now I just breeze through life.
I lack enthusiasm for anything. Doing anything but the absolute bare minimum for survival (i.e., working, hygiene, food intake) is excruciating. Summoning the wherewithal to write this post is an effort years in the making.
My only real motivation is to not be bothered. I have a visceral (blackout rage) reaction to any form of authority "forcing" me to do anything. I work to have enough money not to be bothered and am saving thousands per month for retirement -- the ultimate state of not being bothered. Spending money on non-essentials makes me physically ill since it delays that goal. I even have to outsource my grocery shopping because I cannot stand to be in a store.
Complaining about my situation feels ridiculous when I compare the hardships of my peers with my cushy lifestyle. I guess I was just hoping someone out there could relate.
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self.depression
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I keep forgetting time commitments and sleeping through my alarm I am on disability, so I am used to not having things to do most days. (Well, I focus on betterment, but there's no time commitments to keep). Lately, I have been trying to plan more things to do, including getting back to work as a substitute and taking Cognitive Enhancement Therapy, which is a 2 day a week class for people with severe and persistant mental illness to think more clearly.
I am having one HUGE problem though. It seems like a type of amnesia regarding planned events. I keep forgetting them, and my phone has been of no help, so I've called my mom who reminds me or wakes me up for important things. Yesterday, my mom woke me up to go to a psychiatrist appointment and I apparently had a complete lucid conversation about it and went back to sleep. When I woke up, I didn't recall it. I did remember the psychiatrist appointment and I made it 5 minutes late with unbrushed hair.
There are other times I completely forget events, despite checking my calendar everyday and putting down everything. I have been getting back to substitute teaching and I'm so worried about waking up in time and remembering to go. I did get a write up two years ago when I forgot to go. I've forgotten other things even checking my phone. It's almost like a type of amnesia.
I really want to get back to working so I need to get better at this. Does anyone have suggestions? I can only sub once a week right now.
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self.bipolar
|
I have trouble getting over my first relationship and forgetting my ex It's now almost a year since my girlfriend left me and from time to time I still feel devastated. I could try to break it down but I'd say it's important to get all the details so let's begin from the start.
I'm in my mid twenties now and never really had significant issues in my life. Even though I grew up without a father, my mother turned me into a somewhat decent human being. I finished school, finished my apprenticeship and ever since then I've been working full time for the same company. I stayed at my mother's flat so I could financially support her while also saving up enough money to get nice furniture and other stupid stuff for my own first flat. All in all, my family's really proud of me. Not in a "This kid is going to lead the country one day" way but more of a "Yeah, he's doing fine and we're all happy for him because he didn't always have it easy."
So I've never been that kind of guy who goes out a lot, like to parties and stuff. I think I'm doing relatively well in terms of social stuff, like I got friends that I regularly visit and do stuff with, but for example I never had a relationship. At least until a while ago. So there was this girl at work that I really liked. She was one of our apprentices (but same age as me). Anyway, "at work" is a bit of a stretch, it's a giant company and it's not like I saw her every day. When she first came to us, she and I talked a bit and while she seemed like a nice girl and she looked totally looked like the kind of girl that I'd like, as she soon mentioned that she had a boyfriend that she was living with, I instantly decided not to pursue anything.
So months passed and after a while I noticed that she moved out of their flat. So I was like "Aw, fuck it. You never tried, so what's the worst that could happen?" and asked her out on a date. She declined, that she wanted but couldn't. But she also didn't want to tell me why. So a few weeks passed and we still kept on writing each other every now and then to the point where she'd ask me over. Before though, she called me explaining that she went on dates (including casual sex) with one of our co-workers and she wanted me to know that before I got any ideas. So I went to her place, she said that she'd tell particular co-worker that things were over and done and that they'd stop meeting. I accepted that and afterwards we got together. Yay!
So months passed and even though that one co-worker tried to cause a lot of drama we got over that and we kinda made a nice couple. Not even joking. I heard friends and family saying that many times. Eventually, I lost my virginity to her (yay) and we did lots of other couple stuff like going to movies, meeting her friends (which I still meet every now and then), meet her family (who fully accepted me and I genuinely like), etc. etc. I also helped her out with her side-job which she had to do every weekend (which cost us like 3 to 4 hours) for almost a year. I didn't receive nor expect payment in any form for this.
Now the thing is, she's the definition of a super slacker. She is to a slacker, what slackers are to normal people. There's many things that she neglects in her life. She neglects her job (which is why she's still an apprentice and has to do her shitty side-job), she neglects her friends, she neglects her car, she neglects pretty much anything. But I didn't mind it that much, to be honest. I thought I could kinda compensate for that. I helped her with a lot of things, drove her to stuff when someone needed to drive her, and many other things.
After being together for roughly a year she finished her apprenticeship and naturally stopped working at my company. I kinda hated that, because we saw each other less often. A few months passed and she wasn't able to get a job but at the same time kept me on distance. One time, she showed me something on her phone and I noticed a message popping up saying "What are you doing today?". She claimed it was one of her friends but I saw the name and I decided to not pursue it any further. She had to leave at that time.
A few days later, she stood in front of my door, crying. She wanted to break up with me. I don't think I ever cried so hard in my life. After she left, I also had to leave. It took me some days before I could return to my own flat. As to why she left me? She said that she started having less and less feelings for me, that she wanted to change, how it wasn't my fault and how I deserve someone who loves me as much as I do. I felt like a mess but at the same time I couldn't let go of her. So we did some things together like watching movies and I asked her multiple times whether she cheated on me or whether there is someone else because at the time that was what my family and friends suspected, but she denied all of that. Even her friends couldn't make sense of it.
So I spent a lot of time thinking why she left me. I had no reason to believe she was a liar because she's usually been very honest and open to me. We talked multiple times and at one point she even cried while I was thanking her for at least being honest to me and for not cheating on me. Hope told me that she'd regret her choice, that there may be a way which would lead her back to me. Hope was such a liar.
A while after I stopped writing her and told her I don't want any contact (not for any particular reason, I just didn't feel comfortable with it) I found out by accident that not only she cheated on me but she also left me for one of my co-workers. A guy, who's currently in his early fifties. Let me repeat that, my early twenties girlfriend started fucking one of my co-workers who's older than double her age or her's and mine combined. Remember that message I mentioned? Yeah, that was from him. At the time I didn't connect the dots. Would you? You and your girlfriend are in your twenties and suddenly you find out she's fucking a guy who other people would guess would be her father?
I didn't go nuclear. She doesn't know that I know and she doesn't want me to know. As for why she doesn't want me to know? I couldn't care less, really. But I guess I understand her better now than she understands herself. She occupies herself with things to distract herself from her miserable life. She didn't like the apprenticeship at our company too much so I was the guy to distract her from all of that. My sole purpose was to give her a good time while she's stuck with us. Being a filler. What's even more sad is that it's not like she couldn't have it better. The source of all the misery, of all the things that go wrong in her life... That's her. And I tried my hardest to be the guy who's always there for her. She could call me anytime, ask me for anything. But she didn't want me.
A bit back she made a post on facebook about how she approaches relationships, for whatever reason. What she said was: "I don't choose a life partner but somebody I'm really happy with for the moment cause I don't want to make things work forever because that would mean I would base my happiness on always being with one single person and that would lead to potential harm and even though it's romantic and can work for some people it's okay that I don't believe in it". What she meant was "I need to sugarcoat the fact that I'm unable to have a healthy, lasting relationship and cheated on at least one of my previous relationships but that's okay because I left that kinda nice guy who really loved me for an old fart who people guess to be my uncle but at least he gets to do me every now and then before I leave him like all the others."
The last few months felt like shit. To add insult to injury I have to see that guy's face every now and then at work. Many times on my way there I just stopped and wondered why I'm even bothering. Sometimes even on my way home. But it's kinda getting better. I got friends and family who care. But it all seems so stupid. It all boils down to: "Your ex cheated on you and left you." It's a cliché. But as a wise man once said: Nothing is a cliché when it's happening to you.
I do appreciate input from you guys, but as the subreddit's title goes: I just had to get this off my chest. Sorry for any mistakes in writing or grammar.
Oh, and one last thing. If you're in a relationship: Be a decent human being. Don't cheat on your SO and even if you do at least be honest. And don't think: "Oh, but I'm just not telling to protect him/her." No, you do it to protect yourself from having to admit to your mistakes.
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self.offmychest
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I hate being awake It just reminds me of all the shit that's happened to me lately. Just wish I could sleep all day and never wake up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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At this point, I should just do it. I want to kill myself for me. It's selfish. It's purely selfish. I don't care about anyone or anything anymore. I want to die for myself. I am so tired of living this horrid life. I want it to be over. I don't care how it will affect my family or friends. I just want myself to be happy. I know that I will be happiest dead.
My life is a wreck. I'm an alcoholic. I have no money. My family and friends have distanced themselves from me. Everything is wrong. I can fix it. I can make everything better for myself. I believe when I die it will be the end. No heaven, no hell, just a black void. That's what I want. I want to have never existed. No memories, no feelings, no dreams. Just... nothing.
Every day I inch closer to this reality. I cut myself. I overdose. I drink to blackout daily. It's only a matter of time. At what point do I decide to accelerate this inevitable reality? Probably when I stop being such a pussy.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feel like life's too hard for me, wanna give up [deleted]
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self.depression
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I need someone to talk to now... seriously I have posted some time before about how I am feeling about my life abd stuff like that. But now it got worse someone stole all my money today from my wallet and now I have nothing left expect my dog that I cant even buy food for... Someone please talk to me... I have been thinking of my life making not a single bit of scence but I never got this deep down... I have already been thinking about how should I kill myself but I never found an actual way for it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Starting conversation with a cute girl. Is this ok? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Just another failure vent... I am a failure. A quitter. A disappointment to myself and everyone around me. And I hate myself for it.
I have an amazing, supportive family, who have given me every opportunity imaginable to improve my chances of success in life, and I've let them down time and time and again.
I was what most people would consider "gifted" as a kid. Nearly everything I did, I was good at. I didn't even have to try. People would tell me all the time about how much potential I had, and that I could be anything I wanted. I would act all flattered and embarrassed, but really, I loved the ego boost.
Now it feels like more of a curse. I can see the disappointment in my parents eyes when they look at me. My father can barely contain his anger whenever he hears my voice. My mother sighs whenever she sees me, hunched over my computer like the pathetic loser I am. Even my little siblings, who once looked up to me recognize I'm nothing more than a bum, leeching off the kindness and patience of my parents.
I'm supposedly a college student, but we all know that's a farce. I haven't completed a single assignment this semester, and have spent the entire exam break playing video games, browsing reddit and jerking off.
I care enough about my failures to cry myself to sleep some nights, but not enough to actually change.
I don't have real hopes or aspirations. My only real dream is almost a fantasy. But I'm afraid to pursue even that because I don't know if I'll have anything to live for if that glimmer of hope disappears.
Just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe take some fucked up solace in knowing someone else feels this way as well.
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self.depression
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18 no life and i dont know what to do where do i start [deleted]
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self.depression
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How can I stop depression's effects on my appearance? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Feeling really depressed and confused about life In a nutshell, I've had depression and anxiety for most of my life. The depression was pretty much nonexistent for years, but it's certainly been rearing its ugly head recently. I don't want to write too much, but basically I have few friends and feel very alone. Members of my family who were supportive are no longer as supportive... maybe they got fed up with me? I can't really blame them. I am very single and would like an SO but worry that my depression/anxiety will be offputting to them. I've wanted kids my entire life and am having a hell of a time accepting that I wouldn't be a good mother. This is because I couldn't handle being a single mother from the start and am not sure if I'll ever find an SO. Furthermore, I thought I would be off my anxiety/depression meds by now but I still clearly need them even if they don't entirely do their job. The stupid pills also made me get very fat. Anyway, one can't be on these meds while pregnant. Plus, I don't want to pass on mental illness to a child and I don't have the energy anyway, thanks to depression, to properly raise a child. So essentially my mental health has allegedly made me lose friends and family members, has made me pack on weight, has made me addicted to meds that don't even entirely work (but I'm so sick of trying out new dosages and new med combos), and has made it difficult/unrealistic for me to have an SO or children. That is.... all areas of my life. I'm in my early 30s but feel like all my good years are now behind me and I don't have much to live for, which is a sad thought. I've tried therapy. Nothing seems to help longterm. Can anyone relate to any of this? Nice comments only.
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self.depression
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What do you guys think..? Is there anything I can do to help deal with my depression better? Other than therapy (not financially feasible at the moment), and drinking (trying to stop being an alcoholic)? Also I'm not interested in suicide. But are there things that I can be doing just to make life a bit more bearable and have some hope in general? Thanks in advance.
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self.depression
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Decision time It's gonna snow here on friday. It's gonna be cold. Contemplating about taking sleeping pills and alcohol. Travel deep into the woods while I play some atmosphereic black metal. If that doesn't work than I'm sure hypothermia will get the best of me. Life is...nicht gut.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety and alcohol Does anyone ever get anxiety from getting awful hangover headaches? Last night, I drank a couple glasses of wine at a (quite delayed) holiday party, and to my dismay this morning, I woke up with a terrible headache. Whenever I get hangover headaches, I get incredibly anxious that this headache is going to end me, and my fear of dying just becomes overwhelming. I know that drinking less can avoid all of this, but I was just wondering if anyone else gets anxious from hangover headaches, or even just regular headaches. I feel like I just don't know how to cope with headaches or injuries anymore with my anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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Got discharged from the mental hospital I posted earlier this week...Sunday I think. I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything from the last two weeks since my doctor cut my meds in half because he thought I was “doing better”. It led to a psychotic break. Now I have a gash down my arm and an intense fear of being left alone. No one knows what happened to me from the time I left work (6:30pm) til I approached a cop, bleeding and holding a handful of pills (10:30pm).
And I’m afraid it may happen again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm only 15 and I feel this way What's the point of life anymore. I come home everyday just to deal with depression and the thought of dying. I sit in the same room everyday with my face pressed against my monitor. My family is delusional and filled with depression besides my grandfather and my brother. My sister doesn't care about my family besides when she's drunk and messages me at 5am with hearts and tells me how much she loves me then the real her comes out. My brother and my sister make the most in my family (both in the medical field) there both stingy with their money. My mom has her bachelors degree but works at restaurants and other similar places. My dad is a high school drop out that sells cars and hustles money. My grandfather hopes the best for me and cares the most about me besides my mom. I live with my grandparents. I've been unfortunate and got the short end of the stick and got depression like most of my family. I'm only 15. I can't do shit to get money to make my life some what better. My friends at my school are all dickheads. Im lucky and have a few select friends that care for me.
At such a young age I've come to find out what the world really is. I don't want to die. I just want to be removed from society.
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self.depression
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Really want to do it So imma be completely honest, im 18 years old. Im a very shy person, and I always struggled to have friends. I currently have like 3-4 friends but we don't really hang out a lot.
So almost 2 years ago I met an awesome girl who made me change the way I looked at my own life, she made me happy, she made me feel like there was something else to live for. She is the first and only person I've ever loved. The only person that truly understood me.
Now shes gone. Several trust issues and low self esteem from both of us made us fight a lot. I still love her and im sure she still loves me but she tries to convince herself that shes better off without me.
Before her I felt sad almost every day and I never really tried to kill myself but I still wanted to do it. Now I've become a dependent person and I literally need her to feel OK, without her I want to kill myself and I just feel sad overall. I already tried ODing on some substances but it didnt work
It's not good. I don't like my life without her. She was perfect for me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Overwhelmed all the time? I'm finishing up my first year of college as well as one of the most stressful school years I've ever experienced. I've had an anxiety disorder my whole life and it's constant year-round, but during the school year, it tends to amplify tenfold. This past year has especially been a bit rough. With college, you spend less time in class but the workload is harder, paced faster, and there's a ton of time that you get to decide how to spend. There's a lot less structure in your days, and with that, you basically have to make your own structure/schedule to survive.
No matter how hard I try to organize myself and break into a routine of following a schedule, I end up not following through with it. I'm very anxious when it comes to academics and I find it very difficult to start and concentrate on much of my work. Work piles up and I don't know how to manage my time or my emotions of feeling overwhelmed by work, so I shut down and try to avoid it because it causes me so much grief. (I think I may have undiagnosed ADHD, but that's for another post). Not being able to concentrate and get things done on time often leads to bad marks on assignments and tests, which makes me feel even more overwhelmed.
How do I get rid of this feeling? How do I break this cycle? Can anybody else relate?
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self.Anxiety
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Took a personal day... My first time managing moods before it turns into an incident at work. I have an apt with my pdoc tomorrow after a bad anxiety reaction to one of my medications. I thought I was too aggressive at work due to increased stress so I took a day off to get my shit together. I thought I’d feel really guilty all day but actually quite the opposite! Walked my dog, had a great cardio workout then stretch class, took a hot shower, now just trying to keep the calm mood going...kinda feels good to take care of myself!
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self.bipolar
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Man it's 00.08 in 2018 and I'm crying alone in my room [deleted]
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self.depression
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5-day crash detox... Day 2 I've been hobbled by alcoholism for a decade now, which has led to a vicious cycle of depression, self-medication, and shame. Yesterday, I took a week off work, completely cleaned out all booze from my apartment, laid in 7 days of food... and holed up.
It has not been pleasant. But this is a necessary process. Alcohol has allowed me to remain an adolescent far into my adulthood. What I hope is that this week of pain will be the chrysalis from which a new person will emerge: a functioning, albeit fractured, adult.
Luckily, there are no signs of serious physical withdrawal. My addiction has been one of grasping at the past while being swept into the future. It's time to let go of that old flotsam and start to swim.
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self.depression
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i just had my first mini breakdown im just laying in bed, breathing uncontrollably. this has never happened to me before. but i feel like i just cant make myself accomplish anything. not even the things i love that i really want to do. its like im a waste incapable of productivity. a total waste that will never find a place. not in this world.
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self.depression
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I'm physically surrounded with people but emotionally alone Haha! Hello, reddit; I'm a long-time reader but not user.
You see, I have an emotionally neglectful upbringing. My grandparents were my guardians as my parents were only college students. They fed, clothe, bathe and gave me things but didn't give emotional support. It made me feel like I'm weak for showing emotions.
parents needs to work right now, and they're super far away. I'm left with my grandparents again. They restrain my freedom in internet and punish me for staying up late for assignments.
They keep telling my parents I just lie about my assignments to stay up late, and that I probably spend my lunch money for nothing but toys. They belittle my interest in art. They only mind me if I did something wrong.
I've been depressed since 2015
1'm 14 years old and I already attempted cutting my wrists and suffocating myself. I'm on my school's computers. I may replyon thursday and friday this week.
Please talk me through another week.
Please convince me to go froward.
I just want to live. i FEEL EMPTY. I'm missing something.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hypomania fading. Hello again, depression A plunge! A dive! I gamble fate.
Abandon control! Obey gravity.
From here, Earth's claw cannot overbear. I hear nothing. Dead silence! I grasp as comfort. I pilot limbs as if they were wings :) Carve through the clouds! Plummet to the below. I pilot limbs! I gamble fate!
---
I'm drunk at a bar, these are just the lyrics of the song I'm listening to right now. Last glimpses of my hypomania was this morning. I didn't imagine hypo would keep me company for this long (almost three weeks now). Hello darkness my old friend, I honestly haven't missed you at all.
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self.bipolar
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I'm going to leave my wife so I can find a job I can't find any jobs in the industry I work in in the area I'm in. My wife already has a good job. I cannot stand my current job and I want out from whatever means necessary. So I'm going to look for jobs outside my area and if I get one I'll move. I don't know what else to do. I love my wife but I really hate my job.
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self.offmychest
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Had an anxiety attack and feel very down About 3 days ago I had an anxiety attack and before that I had been doing well. My anxiety had started to come less often, I started going on dates with a girl, and over all things were looking good. But after that, I feel like all my progress has disappeared and I’m back to square one. Since then my anxiety is just as bad as when I first having problems with it. I feel very panicky, my thoughts keep messing with me, and I just feel very down about this. Like this will never go away, I’ve been dealing with anxiety for 2 years already and I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs. I don’t want to give up and I want to keep pushing to a day I don’t have to deal with this but it’s very discouraging. Any advice would be very appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
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Everything’s good in my life, but I’m still sad [deleted]
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self.depression
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Not sure of much anymore. Sorry for the long vent.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here. I haven't been doing great, my Prozac seems to just be doing little to nothing. And I just upped the does maybe about 2 or so months ago. Late at night I just get so fucking lonely I dont have any real friends. I have 'friends' maybe 2 from high school but they are off at college to busy to talk or care. I have more online 'friends' that real life physical friends. But Idk it doesnt feel the same talking to them as it does a real physical person. You cant hug internet friends not when you live in Chicago and they live in Miami or Texas. I'm stuck here alone. And doesnt feel any better that I idiotically fell for one of my friends but I dont want to try anything in risk of losing them. Even if I did put together some stuff for them on valentines day they said it was nice. Just nice... Yeah thats 'nice'. It was a heartache moment. But I'm just here man I have no happiness I cant enjoy Overwatch the way I used to. I cant enjoy playing guitar the way I used to. Its pointless to be here. And lately there have been shootings on my block early in the morning and late afternoon. I'm honestly hoping I get shot on the way home or to school or to/from work. I just want someone to kill me because I'm too much a pussy to do it myself. I've always been weak.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help regarding social anxiety and a dear friend Now. A bit of a precursor. I'm a hot mess at times. I've got severe clinical depression and chronic anxiety. I'm not on medication for it and though I'm attempting to seek professional help it can take a bit of time given that I moved a few months back to a state where I've no family or friends save for my roomate who is a long time friend. I've a great job and a pretty decent living situation. Problem is, well..I'll explain the situation.
The past few years, I've mainly interacted with an online friend. We grew pretty close over the years and we're best friends. We talk online almost all the time, game together and we write together alot. (We write on a roleplay forum. Where we met.) Thing is, we handle our issues differently. I tend to try and spend as much time with a friend or in conversation with others as I can. I avoid being alone so that I'm generally occupied. When she has troubles she'll generally avoid close friends because she doesn't want to lash out. Now, this gets to my current situation.
Their in a not so okay place. They want some space, so they can think and relax with others. Since we hang out all the time, I get that. They can't devote all their time to me. However my anxiety and depression are REALLLLY bad lately. So them not wanting to talk to me or spend time with me makes it genuinely hurt, when I see them talking with others all the time or hanging out with others. Now we spoke briefly earlier and they told me, their not upset at me nor do they view our friendship as any less. Just one of those times when their upset and need space because they have to handle their problems.
So to me, it should be simple right? Just, "Hey, that's cool! Have a blast, I'll be here when you wanna hang out again!" Except. I miss them when we go longer periods without talking. I guess I got so used to hanging out and spending time with them, that it's hard to NOT try to talk to them daily. This is compounded again, when I see them active on our writing forum or our group chats talking to others but just not me.
So then I get mad at myself feeling like I'm not being a good friend to them. I'm not giving them the space they want and I know for a fact that these times of anxiety I come off clingy as hell. I'm just at a loss. How do I over-come my anxiety and be a better friend that can respect their need for space until they wanna hang out again?
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel like there's something wrong with me There's this feeling that there's something wrong with me. I feel like no matter how much I try to improve and better myself, nothing will happen. I'm 24 years old and never had a girlfriend. Some girls jokingly thought that I was gay but it hurt me inside. I feel like everyone is having a better life than me. Sometimes I feel like I want to be born again and start all over or get amnesia and forget everything that ever happened and everyone I ever met and start all over. I want to be with other people but sometimes I want to avoid them because they just bring me down even further. Also because I envy them and I feel inferior to them.
PS: I already am seeing a Psychiatrist. It definitely helped but I still feel that I need some more help.
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self.depression
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I seriously want to kill myself what is wrong with me [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Listening to music, replacing the lyrics with ideations When i was back in secondary school i used to make up songs about suicide and kicking a bullys ass, which i did do a few times i may add, and never thought much about how i felt and such.
Recently ive noticed that ive been suffering from depression from way to long, and i noticed when i got worse. Now, one of the only things im motivated to do is listen to my music and sing along but with my own suicidal lyrics.
Any of y'all do this?
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self.depression
|
sad girl :( I never want to leave my house. I cover up my feelings by eating a lot. I never feel like I'm good enough because I don't have guys hitting on me or asking me out. I just want to be loved and know that a matter. I can't find a reason for why I should stay. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I don't want to go to school, or interact with people or do anything. Life has no meaning anymore. I out on a mask and try to be happy, but I can't do it anymore.
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self.depression
|
Kinda wanna delete all social media kinda come to the realisation when I have that thought that social media is my coping mechanism Doesn’t feel particularly healthy but when obtrusive and hurtful thoughts enter my brain it’s a quicker fix than anything else I’ve tried
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self.depression
|
How should I approach an obsessive worry? I have recently dealt with a recent, traumatic bout of anxiety over an entirely different issue, which I have since dealt with.
Following this event, and due to my reading into OCD (related to the other problem), I have become increasingly worried that I could picture/imagine horrendous things. It's like I have realised for the first time I can think whatever I want, and it seems like the anxiety creates an urge to think bad things.
It now plagues my entire existence, I am depressed and anxious every waking moment.
The question I have relates to how to go about approaching this issue.
I have discovered that I can simply hold back the urge to think bad images, but doing so makes me feel tense and anxious.
Alternatively, I have read online that I should simple let the images happen. But I feel like I am imagining them up, they are not intrusive. The images make me depressed and anxious.
How should I approach this situation?
I would be happy to offer more information, as I am aware how unclear this might read.
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self.Anxiety
|
Suicide is always an option They say suicide should never be an option. For me personally realizing the fact that suicide actually is ALWAYS an option kinda gives me peace to mind, for a brief moment. I never really understood what the big deal about suicide was, maybe I'm sick in the head for saying this but I think people should have the right to make the choice to end it. I don't really feel like I have a place in this world (anymore). After losing my job and my girlfriend, and basically my happiness I feel like I should give it one more go, try to get everything back on track, get my girlfriend back (whole different discussion), find a new job and give it 110% for something like 2 more months, but after that, if nothing works out, I should have the right to call it quits, right?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I tried coming out but no one reads what I write! Gee, that was an unnecessarily nerve-racking experience for me. I tried coming out of the closet on Instagram through the use of stories. I had written texts on a few different pictures, but no one looked past the first one (only a couple looked at it). I asked one of them what she thought and I was then told that she didn’t read it and just clicked out of it immediately.
It only stayed up for a few minutes but, I do not expect much different results, honestly. Those two people are about the only ones who look at my stories anyway, and this time they didn’t even bother going past the first picture.
I guess it’ll just stay a little-known secret. After this instance I just decided to stop uploading anything at all on Instagram. I see no point as I usually tend to write texts concerning things I care deeply about. This was one of the rare instances when I shared something personal and, seemingly, no one even bothered about it. It wasn’t event that much text in that picture, and some of the first words were “my coming out letter”!
With all that being said... I do believe this is something that is quite personal. I just thought it would feel a bit liberating if I didn’t have to hide it on social media. You see, one of the issues I care deeply about concerns the LGBTQ community, and I just thought it would be nice if I could start writing as if I’m a member of it myself (which I am). I could, perhaps, put a more personal touch on whatever I decide to pen about.
Ah... so be it. It doesn’t even shock me at this point. I chose to do it using stories as I imagined people actually read the text I added in those slides. Admittedly, it seems I couldn’t have been more wrong as the majority (2/3 people) of the one’s who bother with my stories didn’t even care to look past the first picture. This was something that was difficult for me to share, and it does bother me a bit that no one even bothered reading it. Especially since one of those people is a close family member (the other a distant one, and the third, who hadn’t seen it, a close one whom I expect would’ve read it. ).
Anyone else have nice and successful coming out stories like that?
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self.offmychest
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My brother didn't get me anything for Christmas. I'm [22F] kind of pissed at my brother [27]. He did not get me, nor our parents anything for Christmas. I'm not the type of person who needs a whole bunch of shit.. but still..
He lives with my parents, paying $120 a month for rent. He gets his laundry done, food made for him. He never helps around the house. He does the dishes once a week. He doesn't take care of the cat. And complains when my dad asks for help to shovel the driveway. My dad has had shoulder and knee surgery and does not need to be lifting heavy snow. I've even seen my mom shoveling because my brother won't leave his room.
Today, after my parents told us they wanted to spend the day with us, he leaves to go get his girlfriend and play pokemon go... he came downstairs to open his presents and have breakfast. Then left. Said he'll be back by 5 for dinner. Like thanks??
He did not get anyone a single gift, nor card (I don't buy cards either, but I make them & write everyone a letter). He says he has no money and wants to save for a house... like.. you have a full time job and are paying for nothing, you couldn't give them a tims card?? Not to mention he keeps getting packages of boardgames in the mail every single week. I was so pissed off I almost withheld his gift. It's just a simple gas card and some gum. .. but still.. to get NOTHING for the people who give you EVERYTHING. He's a self centered ass hole. Sorry. Needed to rant somewhere.
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self.offmychest
|
I feel like a failure So I went to a military school for high school, which was expensive to say the least for my parents. I’m now in college, and am failing out because I don’t go to class because I’m a fucking loser. I’ve decided to join the Army, as that’s been my goal for my whole life and I feel like I can get back in control of my life and return to the military lifestyle that I thrived in in high school. My parents are ashamed and feel that I’m a failure, and I can’t help but agree. I fucked yo a wonderful opportunity because I was lazy and unmotivated.
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self.offmychest
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Given up on myself (possibly controversial) I kind of have a lot in my head right now so sorry if this post jumps around a lot. I am 20 years old and a convicted felon and registered sex offender for life. I know I have failed my parents but they are too supportive to tell me that. I was convicted in October of 2016 but sought sex offender treatment myself when the court case started. They say its supposed to get easier to live the more you progress in treatment, but for me its completely the opposite. Understanding myself more clearly just develops the hatred I have for myself. How can I be happy and accept myself when I truly despise what I am? I have completely thrown my life away; I graduated with a good GPA in 2015 with multiple colleges interested in me, had a lot of friends, etc. I was pretty social and had reasonably strong family ties, all of which I no longer have save a few (my closest friends don't even know about my offense). I was employed before my conviction and maintained my job for a year, enjoyed it a lot and was making progress upward in the company, until a probation violation in June had me jailed and cost me my job and my apartment. Since being out I have burnt through the money I had saved from my job and can't for the life of me motivate myself to get anything done. I have of course applied for jobs in the area and landed a couple interviews but everywhere does background checks and I never hear back. I find myself encased in this thick shell of depression that totally dominates my life. Even things that I used to enjoy doing (gaming, cooking, singing) bring me little to no enjoyment. I have absolutely no friends, have very little social interaction, and find suicide on my mind multiple times a day. My parents still support me and I talk with them relatively frequently and they are the only reasons (besides my younger sister) that I haven't hung it up already, but everyday I feel myself closer to giving in to my suicidal fantasies or just completely breaking down. I honestly think that if I wasn't so terrified of death I would have killed myself by now but I've always been a coward. At the same time I feel like I deserve this for what I've done and that this is a sort of justice, and if that's the case why not just kill myself? I've completely failed myself and everyone I care about, so why not just give up?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Someone take my work email access away I’ve been working really hard. I communicated twice to my leadership that I wanted a technical team back which I had before I took FMLA.
We saw the org chart today and there I am off to the side with no fucking team. Asshole nose noise maker got a promotion and a new team. Lots of people got moved way up on the org chart. Basically I knew I would get put in a shit position with no team when I got a bullshit reply from my director when I outlined my strategy for managing people, technology, and expectations.
I actually started to cry after I got off the phone. I held it together for my morning meetings but I just got a rude email from someone I used to consider a friend but now obviously doesn’t care about me since he has moved up in the world.
I fired off a response that was probably not the most diplomatic. I need someone to stop me from sending emails because I’m so pissed.
The kicker is I have a huge document I have to do and at an earlier meeting they changed the strategy so I have to completely redo it. I need to have it done by Monday. I want to just say fuck this document but I can’t
I’m updating my resume once I get this document done.
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self.bipolar
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All of a sudden, I just stopped being functional. Can't go to school. Help. When I got back to school after Christmas break I just assumed the the jittery feeling in my stomach was standard protocol, I just needed to get back into the swing of things and then I'd be back to feeling moderately fine and only sometimes anxious. That did not happen.
I kept feeling extremely nauseous and during class I'd have to rush out because I had to throw up. I had thrown up the days leading up to the end of the Christmas break, but I'd just assumed that I was sick then. I realized that wasn't the case, because then I started having (what I think are) anxiety/panic attacks. I'd feel light headed as if about to pass out, unable to breathe, ready to throw up, heart-racing, cold-sweating, etc. Today during class I had one so bad I realized I can't go to school in my current condition. I'm nauseous on my way to school, I'm nauseous on my way back, I've grown to feel nauseous at home. It's milder at home yet still there, threatening to amplify.
I can't pinpoint what exactly flipped the switch because I've had breaks before and come out fine, but this time I'm left feeling absolutely pathetic and worthless, angry at my own inability to function. I'm dreading the thought of sitting still during a lecture. I'm planning on contacting a mental health clinic tomorrow, but I realize it might take time until I get help and I feel like I can't attend school in my current condition because physically I'm holding myself back, I keep feeling nauseous and having anxiety attacks. Just the thought of going makes me want to cry, despite the lovely friends I have there. Has anyone experienced something similar? What should I do? Should I contact my class mentor and explain the situation? I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I can't afford to miss school.
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self.Anxiety
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Getting manic after what I thought was the most stable period of my life post diagnosis I had a terrible, terrible mixed state episode in the Fall and early winter but Zyprexa really stabled me out. I hadn't been that stable in years. I am able to read again and I'm just so happy to be content, if not a little bored and dulled out which was worth it for me.
I used to like mania but now I don't. It only promises a dark period of time in the fallout.
I'm so angry but most of all I don't know whether or not to reach out to my parents who I still live with. They're so proud of me and every time I have a new episode they are so shocked as if it's never happened before. "But you were doing so well" they say, and it makes me want to cry and scream. I feel so guilty.
I'm trying to finish school and I'm terrified that my stability won't last long and I'll be stuck forever in this crazy up and down up and down.
I'm just so angry and I'm trying to stay off screens and focus on journaling and writing poetry and socializing, but it's still creeping up on me.
I hate this and I'm scared.
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self.bipolar
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I failed all my midterms this quarter. It's mainly my fault since I took Chemistry, Physics, and Math thinking I could handle them. Little did I know I barely had time to study mainly because Labs ate up so much of my time. Our professors kept emphasizing going to labs and doing all the required material for labs that I had no idea how I was supposed to also fit time for homework and studying.
I ended up having to BS homework since I barely had time to finish the assignments. Then midterms come up and its like the material is completely different than what I remembered I saw on the homework.
What's worse is that my parents plan to throw a small party since my birthday is coming up and they want to take me on a short vacation too. I haven't told them my grades besides "The grades haven't been updated". I feel I could just go along with the whole thing while feeling guilty or just find the courage to say it bluntly that I failed all my midterms.
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self.offmychest
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Does any kind of anxiety eventually turn into numbness at some point? Particularly if a certain or peak level of anxiety can sustain for an extended period of months or years, can it get to a certain point where the feelings start to "numb down" slowly? I'm starting to feel this to an extent. Sometimes, it's also like a river that changes intensity once in a while.
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self.Anxiety
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I am done with this life. I have had enough of everything. there is nothing in this world I want anymore. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Dreams My dreams seem to be so much better than my own reality. I have so many amazing activities and such a blissful existence no thoughts of the fact that one day I'll pass or that my loved ones will die
No feelings of being detached from every day activities and feelings
No feelings of being bored and no feelings of insecurities and such
And then I wake up and I lose it all
It's like it never existed and it's a complete fantasy that makes zero sense when I do wake up
It's really scary.
I also had a serious anxiety attack whilst smoking marijuana this Friday which made me realize how much of an asshole I am. wanting to leave girlfriend of 5 years but afraid to be alone. the only positive parts of my day are going to the gym, sex and Bollywood movies
Feels like I'm at a dead end and I feel like I'm missing out on life so much
Not in the terms of adventures and experiences
Like if I could go to Cancun and meet awesome people I'd still be very detached from it.
I accomplished a goal of mine that I had for 5 years and I feel like I didn't even do it (winning the best teen bodybuilder in America title).
Now I feel like a loser and I feel like a scumbag who is living to die
totally detached man I don't know how else to word it
It's terrifying though
I hate my life
My mother has severe mental illness (and also terminal cancer) and when we did talk when I was younger i realized that some of the things that go on in my brain which other people can't relate to me to goes on in hers which terrifies me too
My dad said she'd sleep all day long and I feel like doin that too except I'm too scared to slip into that. Feel like my body is just a vessel carrying my fucked up brain
My dad says why are you so depressed you have accomplished something that some people would be happy their whole lives over
Which is probably true. But idk
Bodybuilding is definitely my passion
I remember when I was 15 I would get crippling anxiety attacks that would leave me breathing like I was in a fish bowl and feeling completely detached
I noticed the harder I workout the less that I get the attacks so it's more than just the gym to me. Definitely don't consider myself a meathead or the typical bodybuilder guy who was bullied so he gets big to combat that. Not sure why I'm explaining that. Prob bc it's a common misconception to people who aren't in the bodybuilding world. Anyways... I wanna feel like a kid again or something. Sometimes I get flashbacks of a positive mind state and feeling and I wish I could hold onto it so bad. It's like trying to see the floaters in your eyes. I noticed I find a lot of comfort in looking at other cultures and stuff
Edit: I notice a lot about suicide on here --- I don't want to kill myself.
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self.depression
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"I liked you better when you weren't depressed so... can you just stop being depressed?" Dylan, My old best friend. About half a year ago Dylan brought up something that has me so mad now that I look back on it. He said and I quote "You know what...? I liked you better when you weren't depressed but then you all of a sudden changed to this no life depressed loser and you make me look bad so can you just like stop being depressed?" All I responded with was "Dylan, I can't just stop being depressed wtf" and yeah I have to deal with him arguing with me and telling me "Are you gonna kill yourself or what? Stop being dramatic and backing out and just do it!!" Let me also add that he spreads shit about about me. This is Dylan, my old friend. I stopped being his friend recently because I realised having no friends is better than having basically an abusive friend.
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self.depression
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I need a new sitcom to watch I'm almost done watching Friends all the way through due to being unable to get out of bed. What should I watch next? I've heard New Girl is good.
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self.bipolar
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Just got out of therapy. Cried the whole way home thinking about how much I wanted to kill myself. Hope you're having a good day.:)
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feeling suicidal? Honestly I've just given up on everything and I don't have anyone to talk to when I have these feelings. I just feel like a bullet is the best solution to the pain sometimes.
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self.depression
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i think I'm severely depressed I think I'm severely depressed. The hardest thing is maintaining performance at a high stress job. Sometimes on my way to work, I would literally wish an 18 wheeler would side swipe me enough for me to be hurt enough to take a month off work. It's really selfish but I can't help but feel this way.
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self.offmychest
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Found out I'm on academic suspension after attending 4 classes c: My GPA suffered last semester because i wasn't in a good mental state the last few months. With work, finding out my parents are trying to sell our place and just trying my best to not let my thoughts and emotions drown me I wasn't focusing on my studies like I should've.
Even with the good things about finally getting my mum to accept I have mental issues and seeking out help (2nd counselor i seeked out was really helpful and cool. Super intelligent and instead of asking me why I felt the way i feel he just straight up explained what parts in the brain were causing this) I'm freaking out because I don't want to lie to my parents about not being able to study for a semester but also because I just found out today and they're gonna assume I knew before hand. My parents are reasonably supportive but studies is one thing they're hard on (they want me to be a professional and post sec is expensive).
I don't want to lie to them but at the same time I'm scared that me telling them will destroy the good mood they've been in the last few days. I also don't want to lie because it'll be a lot worse once they find out.
Just when I finally was able to regain my balance, I get knocked back down.
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self.Anxiety
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The only reason I don't kill myself is that I want to finish writing my books. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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My SO deserves better I would rate him a 4/10 in the looks department. Was kind to me at work even a little annoying. Went out to dinner as friends but in his mind, it was a date. He asked me to be his GF and I friend-zoned him. I had guys who I got along with better and were 8/10 trying to date me. However, my SO was persistent and I gave in. I feel terrible how I had judged him. He is a literal blessing. I am so comfortable around him. He stays up until 2 am when I am cramming for an exam keeping me company. Makes sure I am eating and am being healthy overall. Tries to get me to sleep 8 hours a night. Makes me constantly laugh. We have heated debates together and always end up laughing at how ridiculous it is. He is an honest person and a man of his word. Can be selfless and tries to help others when in need. His personality makes me physically attracted to him. Even had my first orgasm with him (YAY). In sum, I have fallen in love with him.
Me? I am a selfish brat. I have a short fuse and will pop off in anger at the smallest things. My emotions are a rollercoaster. Onse seconds I am laughing cracking jokes and the next I am at your throat. I do not believe in astrology stuff but the description of Gemini almost perfectly describes me. Sometimes I hurt him because I am petty and perhaps inconvenienced me in some way. I am super controlling where if something is not done right or if I do not think he is working hard enough in his study I will blow up and hurl abusive words at him. This is my bad side. He sees me as 2 different people. However, I am focusing on my bad side because I hate it and want to be better.
Sure I am comfortable with him but along with that, it has made me comfortable enough to show this side of me the only family gets to see. I want to be a better person for him. Be more patient and not blow up when he does not do something to my liking. Neither of us is perfect and he is working on himself. I wish to do the same. Anyone with similar traits as me have advice on how you got better? I try to be more mindful when I am being foul and unreasonable and consciously stop myself but at the moment I justify it somehow. Stopping my birth control has improved things greatly too. He deserves a better version of myself and in the future (if it gets there) so do our children.
Things have come to a head because his family (who live 7000 miles away) want me to fly over to meet them next year when I finish my undergraduate. However, meeting them would mean we are engaged. He has not even met my family for similar reasons. Thankfully, it has lead to a lot of self-reflection and realization that I need a lot to improve on until we take that step.
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self.offmychest
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Total Failure, Don't know what to do Hi everyone, 22 now. In a deep pit. Never finished highschool, had only 2 jobs and quit my last one after a month. Always hated school, was always a bad student. Never learned anything from my parents and have no siblings. No family either besides my dad who I live with and who pays the bills. I've taken steps to improve my life but to no avail. Been trying to finish highschool for a long time but I just can't bring myself to work hard. Never have been able to. Only thing I ever liked to do was play videogames. I also have no friends and have never had a girlfriend. I'm incredibly lazy, trying to push myself makes me extremely uncomfortable. To the point where I feel so much mental anguish I give up again. Whenever I start working towards something it might go well for a few days then I fall on my face again. I've been incredibly depressed. My life is a joke, I find my thoughts getting darker and darker every day. And I lose hope every day. I just wish I was never born to be honest. I can't seem to get anything right no matter how much I try to motivate myself. I know if this keeps up I am going to end up in a pretty bad situation. Can someone please give me some suggestions on what do do.
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self.depression
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I am going to kill my self I will kill myself in 1 week try and coax me out of it I dare you
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self.depression
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Just started Lexapro - I feel nothing? Hey guys,
My doctor's put me on 5mg of Lexapro daily to help with my anxiety and depression.
I took my first dose yesterday and suddenly, I couldn't feel anything. I was completely apathetic and dull. I felt so strange - I spent most of the day just lying in bed and staring at my ceiling. Which I knew wasn't normal but also didn't care.
I've also been extremely nauseous and haven't been able to eat.
My boyfriend came over to check on how I was going and I felt absolutely nothing to him as well. He might as well have been a piece of furniture.
It's pretty scary stuff and I'm not sure if I want to continue. I've taken my second dose today but I'm completely worried I'll just be a zombie all day. I have a party that I'm going to and I know I normally have social anxiety to that but right now, I feel nothing.
What do you guys think?
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self.Anxiety
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I plan to end it all soon, but thank you to those kind souls. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Life keeps putting me down each year even worse, don't know what to do anymore Hi everyone.
I will make you a list of real life issues in the timeline they happened and you tell me what to do in order not to get lost into deep depression as I feel I have been depressed a lot lately.
1. When I was 10 I had 4 serious surgeries, months in hospitals. In a war torn country. The hospitals didn't even have enough alcohol it was so bad.
2. My country was at war like I said, so we eventually moved to a better place. Had to learn new language with no help as I got dumped into public school not knowing a single word of that language. As a kid that was scary.
3. We had tons of issues with papers and staying legal in the country. Parents struggling to make enough money for the whole family in a foreign country.
4. I grew up not having many things my friends had but it was fine I just was happy I was healthy once again.
5. Parents pushed me to go study at university after I finished school, they took a loan just for me. I did that. But couldnt get a proper job as we all were most of the time illegal as this place is a buriocratic sh*t hole and we had to deal with so much it just pisses me of thinking about it.
6. Lately dad has almost no job. I have plenty of job online and I have been helping the whole family for 5 years now, I havent left home and them even though I am not very young anymore. Its embarrassing.
7. I have had a great girl for 5-6 years now, and we had plans to get married and move together next year. Recently she decides out of nowhere that I am not good enough for her and she leaves me. I had her like a queen, helping my parents and at the same time buying her gifts and making her happy each time we met, never let her down, always there for her, doing sacrifices for her and parents. And suddenly with no discussion she leaves me just telling me I am not good enough for her and she doesn't love me anymore.
So I am constantly having to deal with poor parents, their health getting worse, having to stay with them and help them in all ways possible, problems with papers in a foreign country with constant fear of deportation, depression, mood swings, loosing the love of my life.
I know there are people in Syria and Afghanistan etc having much harder time than me living in a western country with internet and all of that, but it just seems too much for a single person to deal with. I really dont wanna go to a psychiatrist or start taking pills. Dont know what else to do to keep up and not loose hope in life.
I had a camera which I sold to help dad fix his truck, photography was always my passion and great escape, I am thinking to get new one now that I made extra money but I know parents might need that money so I am not sure about that too.
The plus side is I have amazing friends, but they all getting older, married, kids and not much time for someone like me. So basically I am all alone not having anyone anymore, my gf was my escape and my best friend.
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self.depression
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I can’t handle reality I have to spend all day trying to distract myself because once I remember what’s happening and what my life is I want to die. I don’t know how to keep reality at bay.
I’m so lonely. I have no friends and no one wants to be my friend. I’m tired of getting rejected. I now have to watch the girl I was falling for date someone else. She rejected me.
I have no one to turn to with anything, good or bad. I’m so alone. I’ve had anxiety and depression for years and SSRIs don’t help and venlafaxine makes me black out and do stupid shit after like 3 drinks and I’m tired of alienating people.
I’m in medical school and I’ve wanted to be a doctor all my life but I can’t keep going when it’s so hard and the idea of having to do anything for the rest of my life is horrifying to me.
Waking up is so disappointing and every day I wish for a freak accident to take me. Im tired of trying to push reality aside so the pain stops. I’m tired of the pain and crying when I acknowledge reality.
All I want to do is jump.
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self.SuicideWatch
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An awful Sunday. Today is the day in which I really need the help of a doctor or Psychiatrist, however doctors offices are closed on Sundays. I just want meds and therapy, I refuse to enter a psych ward. I can't figure out who I am or why I'm unhappy, I just think I have the fear of being alone. I have a girlfriend, however I have grown very attached to a different girl as well, this has caused a huge amount of stress on my life. This other girl lives quite far away, but I live with my girlfriend. I have a problem with constantly wanting to drink, it is a nonstop desire. I don't know who I am, I oftentimes base my likes or dislikes off what someone else likes or dislikes, I have no idea why.
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self.depression
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I can't get over this mistake at work. My company had a run today. I have an injury where I can't run. (In the army btw) I was put on road guard detail. Anyway I wasn't sure of the direction where they were running. I messed up and a Sergeant Major was in the front of the run and several other people I work with. They started yelling at me because the cars were in their way. One guy I work with already likes to roast me and call me dumb over little stuff. Then after the run, he keeps going on and on about it and talking to me like I'm a lower rank. Technically I am a lower rank by time in grade, but I'm already embarrassed and he's like, "Sergeant Major is going to talk to you about it. " Which he didn't by the way. Nor did he tell anyone. This guy was like, "You never been road guard in your other unit? Someone could of got hit. etc etc." I got short with him because he's always coming after me about my intelligence. He's the only one who does it. I shouldn't care what he thinks but I just hate it. This mistake I made was the perfect time for him to come after me about it. Yet he's the one who asks me to help him with his homework. Reddit, I feel like shit and I have a mock board later today (practice promotion board). Also, I never been in road guard in my previous assignment. Nor did we practice road guard during our runs. Every company is different.
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self.offmychest
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i wish i could sleep beside someone every night i hate being alone so much and i am pretty scared to fall asleep most of the time if i am not very tired. anyone else?
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self.depression
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Not use to reality Not use to my reality right now or ever. Its hard dealing with my mind. Its hard having an evil spirit in me. Its hard knowing my brother killed someone. Its hard knowing my mom is in a god awful marriage. Its hard knowing that my second attempt should had worked but didn't. Its hard going to work every week. Its hard for me to live in this world when deep down I really dont. Its hard knowing that she never wants to talk to me. Its hard having weekly psychosis. Its hard not to call. Its hard not to try for the fourth time. I don't want to see 2018. I wanna be free like Laura Vanessa Nunes. I love you.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Zoloft and Pom wonderful juice I have read a little bit about Pom juice interacting with prescriptions.
Is Pom juice ok to drink with Zoloft?
Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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This was a journal entry, but I feel like I should share this for others In the wake of another small spontaneous explosion of repressed emotions, I have resolved to finally begin recording my thoughts and experiences in hopes of finding some sort of paradisiacal solace. It is no easy task to describe the psychological damage caused by my abusive childhood. Even as I write this small synopsis, it feels as if the strict rules of written and spoken language are not sufficient to describe the raw emotions that both plague my thoughts and influence my actions.
Before I attempt to describe the pain, it would be worthy to note that I believe, deep in my heart of hearts, that life is a gift that should not be squandered. It would also be utterly foolish to believe that a well-rounded life is completely devoid of pain and failure, no matter how much I wish it to be so. It has been my experience at this point in time that the road to self-fulfillment and happiness is by no means paved, and that only by conquering the obstacles that present themselves is it possible to achieve healthy individual growth.
My father was, and still is, an emotionally and verbally abusive parent. I have decided that I have deluded myself into believing the opposite long enough. The psychological damage to my mind is disgustingly apparent, and I can hide from it's dreaded shadow no longer. The wounds of my childhood are deep, and there are too many of them, as such I have no doubt that I will be hurting for the rest of my life. I will carry these wounds to my grave, and depressingly, I have no say in the matter.
I know I am loved, by family and friends alike. But I still feel lonely. In four months, I will graduate from university. But I still feel unsuccessful. I am young, and my life is just beginning. But I still feel doomed. I am proud of my recent academic performance. But I still feel like a failure. I tell myself I have a choice to not become my father. I still hate myself.
To be an abused child is to be chronically conflicted. I still love my father to the end, yet I hate him with all my heart. There are many moments where all I want is for him to love a happier life, ye there are times when I wish he would die. I hate myself for loving him; I hate myself for hating him; I hate myself for wishing he was happier than me, and I hate myself for wishing him dead. If I was to dwell on my childhood forever, it is painfully clear that I will never be able to have peace of mind.
I know that despite having the tools (and, admittedly, perhaps the capacity) to achieve actual happiness, I am still irrationally trapped by the psychological damage I've experienced. This is not to mean that I live every single waking moment of my life in some sort of suicidal depressive trance, but I know these feelings may always linger deep in my subconscious.
It would seem that the key to overcoming this particular obstacle is to envision a better life. The goal should be to achieve that life in whatever capacity is realistically possible, to let past experiences guide you from the mistakes you've witnessed firsthand. It is important to not be afraid. Do not be afraid to lean on a significant other, a close friend, or a family member. Connecting with anyone that truly empathizes with your struggle is a boon to you both. There are many other that's struggle with abuse, and it is reassuring to know that you are not alone in your suffering. Above all, it is important to remember that you really are your own person, and that your own life is what you make of it.
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self.offmychest
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I want to die I am tired to trying. It has come to a point where I have no hope for the future. I look forward to my death. I felt so angry I started smashing things in my house just because I could no longer cope. Then I took my car out to the freeway even though it's -20 and the roads are freezing and stomped on the fucking accelerator hoping that I'd crash into someone. I even cut someone off on purpose and braked hard hoping they'd crash into me and send my brain through the fucking windshield but unfortunately it didn't happen today. I don't need help because I have decided living is no longer worth it. This is just a cry for attention.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Im a shell On the outside i am generally quiet but look like i am in no mood for anything. Yet at the same time i will contribute to conversations when im in public or speaking to my parents but inside i feel like its all an act that they dont see me for what i truly am, A hollowed out person who is scraping by living day to day with no real plan of the future. I hate this feeling and having to fake things with people just to talk to someone. I hate that i dont have friends anymore and i hate that i dont have anyone to talk to. What do i do?
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self.depression
|
No More Disassociation Has anyone successfully stoped severe dissociative issues? Can you? How?
My dream is to work in education, however serious issues with dissociation and sleep make that impossible right now. I’m devastated. I want to find a way to get over my dissociative issues.
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self.bipolar
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The feeling when you'd like to hang out with friends, but don't have any friends to hang out with. I'm lonely.
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self.depression
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I can't stop thinking about harming myself I'm very distraught, depressed, and I keep thinking about ways to harm myself. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live. I'm in this strange spot in the middle, and I do not feel like myself. I've always had problems with keeping focus, but now my mind just wants to think about death.
My job makes me miserable. I hate the people I work with.
I'm antisocial and have no friends. I'm married, but my spouse seems very distant. I fear we are failing.
I have had two major mental breakdowns in my life, but this feels different. More permanent. Nothing seems to matter to me. I can't stop crying. I want to get away from life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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If you are feeling anxious and feeling bad for yourself read this I watched this one TED talk - I've linked it below. It talks about getting what you want. And I want to be a happy individual who just happens to also have anxiety. Its been more than a week now and it seems to be working. The trick is to do what you need to do, even though you may not feel like it. For me, this is writing in my journal and disproving the reality that I've created in my head. It is dealing with the triggers and constantly questioning my anxious state. It is reiterating the rational perspective and helping myself believe the better truth. It is also doing what I **don't feel like**. When I'm anxious I do not want write in my journal. It is self-validating to remain in my anxious state. While in my state, I find bliss telling myself that I'm not good enough.
It is hard to be kind to yourself. It really is. But I want to tell you that it is worth it - because you aren't what you think you are. You aren't what you've made yourself to be. You also have been through a lot and maybe that is why you think the way you do. So please be kind to yourself.
The video talks about forcing yourself to do the thing you know is aligned with your goal even though you don't feel like it. Now if you're reading this and still don't feel like you want to do it, then realize that **that is also OK**. Why you may ask? Because you've been through a lot. And you deserve your own sympathy. You really do. It is hard living with anxiety.
TL;DR - In an anxious phase, do what you need to do to decipher the thoughts - and if you can't, don't hate yourself for it.
youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc
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self.Anxiety
|
College students! Question: how do you sit still in class while manic? I struggle with this so much.
I bounce, rock, talk out loud, etc,
--it's a mess!
Anyone else struggle with this? How do you manage?
|
self.bipolar
|
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