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I've been a jobless parasite for virtually my entire life. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's easy to stick a label to it, but I don't know if I'm mentally ill, or sociopathic, or just developmentally messed up and poorly socialized. I don't enjoy not working. It's not a free ride, it's guilt and shame every time I eat or drink or use anything that I haven't paid for with my own money, which is almost everything I own in life at this point. I hate myself every day, and I don't know how the people in my life haven't abandoned me yet. I'm 30, and my teeth are already rotting out of my face.
There literally is not a day that goes by that I don't fantasize about being able to work and pay my own way through basic situations, contribute to rent, participate more in society, or donate to a cause that I support. Why don't I just get a fucking job? I'm not physically disabled, and I don't have a criminal record at all. I can't pinpoint it. I know I'm privileged and that most people on the planet have it worse than I currently do. I can't drive vehicles because I get freaked out, and just simply put, I will never be able to drive myself around. I can't expect people to be patient with my lack of employment forever.
Every year it's harder to justify myself simply existing. I'm using up space and resources, my body is falling apart slowly anyway, and I would rather die on my own terms regardless of how long I live, which is why I think suicide is inevitable for me. Someday, I'm finally going to decide that even my dreams coming true wouldn't outweigh how awful I feel.
I don't have willpower, and I'm afraid of really just about any kind of change. I feel like I've over-thought everything in my life and have traumatized myself over nothing. I don't know if I need meds or if they would just fuck me up more. I don't even try to have short-term goals anymore, just this shitty dream of hopefully ending up at a simple labor job that I can walk to and from, and just doing that until I die, I guess. I don't know.
I feel like I have all of the best intentions, but none of the means to follow through. My problems are completely self-inflicted and they are all in my head. I deserve this.
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self.offmychest
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Talking to my girlfriend is a chore I'm an 18F and I've been with my girlfriend (17F) for 3 months now. Talking to her and being around her is so draining. She went from the confident, bossy, jock-type girl I fell in love with to a needy, clingy, fluffy girl. She needs constant validation and always needs to text or call. I have been avoiding her the past few days, and it's the best I've felt in a month. I want to break up, but I actually want her to break up with me first. Except it's almost Christmas and I don't want to ruin that, and a month before I started feeling this way I gushed about how amazing it would be to kiss her on new years so I don't want to ruin that either. I also don't like kissing. It's wet and gross and she's a kisser. She hangs on me and kisses me an excessive amount. I never see her anymore since volleyball season is over, and we have virtually nothing in common except volleyball. With finals and college applications, this is just making everything so much worse. I feel guilty and relief and annoyance and nothing all at the same time. Day-to-day I don't even think about her, but when I slow down and sort through my mess of thoughts, she was at the back of my mind the whole time. It's stressing me out. And she's starting to think it's her fault or something's wrong with me or something and I have no idea what to do. This is my first relationship and her first relationship. I am so lost.
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self.offmychest
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I would rather I could be an orphan sometimes～ In a broken family make me sooo tired，I wanted to die sooo many times，but I feel I been trapped in a responsible constraint. If I‘m not someone’s daughter，I’ve died already～
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self.SuicideWatch
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Parents want to move me to a private school. They noticdd me having bad grades and being sad all the time and want to take me to a better place
But that school is the best place because the only girl i like is there.
She is my motivation and if i changed schools I just couldn't do and I am already depressed what do I do?
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self.depression
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'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.' 2018 might be the restart button for some of us. Please don't give up, keep fighting.
Have a good year.
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self.depression
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Really bad TV and Movie anxiety...is anyone else like this? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I'm so scared and lost and I don't know what to do anymore [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Words I said I’ve been doing really well coping with my anxiety lately (mainly bc I’m so busy I barely have time to think though). But tonight I said something to a coworker that probably rude and now I’m all anxious about it. Ugh.
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self.Anxiety
|
What are you best ways to reduce anxiety? Hi everyone Im looking for tips on how to reduce anxiety from like minded people! All comments appreciated :)
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self.Anxiety
|
Am I a bad person for doing this? So I've been experiencing these thoughts for a few years now but only in the past few weeks have I given actual consideration and feel almost ready for it. I've been talking to the Suicide Helpline for help and I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
TBH, a lot of my problems stem from the fact I've been alone my whole life and have never experienced another person in the form of a relationship. When I call I like talking to a woman because I just feel more comfortable and I can feel like what it's like to talk about my problems to one. When I end my calls, they ask if there's anything else and for me the most difficult part of the conversation comes because I ask her if I could just hear her say "I love you, _____". I know it's pathetic, but I don't get to hear that ever and even though I know it's not genuine at all, it does help. A little at least.
The most recent one ended with me asking that and I caught her by surprise. She just paused and said "Uhhhhh..... we all love you here and are rooting for you!"
I feel really bad for asking that now and it's been on my mind since it happened. I know I made her uncomfortable and I can't believe I'm being so self centered that I've been asking to hear that sentence.
I'm here mostly asking if I'm abusing this helpful service and if I should stop asking that or just stop calling entirely. Any help with this or life in general is appreciated.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Mental toughness Hello,
I have been battling a divorce my job and my kids everything is on the line. It is who I am today to decide who I want to be tomorrow I’m reaching out and asking for prayers because I believe I’m a strong person I have always led by classy words no action today is the day I take my life back and break through all the walls of doubt of people said I would never be anything or do anything I’m not set in my ways today is the day of change please pray for me love u all
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel useless (Throwaway account cause ppl irl know my reddit)
So for the past 4 or 5 years ive just felt completely useless. I just dont see what point i have on earth. I know that the world would be fine without me, seeing how i dont have any friends in real life, and about 10 people on the internet i have to beg to talk to me.
I just wish that i felt like i had a purpose. I've tried picking up hobbies, working out, talking to people, but nothing seems to help. I just feel unwanted.
also i just feel like a disgusting person. I know that i have some sort of eating disorder, and it isnt good for me, but i feel like i need to keep it up. I know that i need it to stay thin. Maybe i'll look good enough for people to like me.
I just dont see the point anymore. I want to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
You ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you'll always mess up? I think the most annoying thing is that you can mess up once, and do everything perfectly before and afterwards, and people won't give you credit for it. It feels like a big "fuck you" to everything you've worked towards and all the effort you've put in. I at least want acknowledgement of me trying the best in the situation I was put in.
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self.depression
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I shaved and made myself look nice today Granted, it’s only because I have uni classes, but I’m feeling a but better about myself for now, even if it’s temporary:)
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self.depression
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I'm nothing but a burden And that's how things are
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self.offmychest
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Just took 500mg of atarax, is this dangerous or am I gonna be fine? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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ex's friend I am recently split up from my narcissistic abusive ex husband. We were married for three years and I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore. I am currently seeing a wonderful psychologist and feel more alive than I have for years. My ex has a very close group of friends and I had particularly bonded with one of them more than anyone else. In the past year or so as things continued to spiral in my relationship, this friend became my saving grace. He was always there for me. Checking in on me, hanging out with me, confiding in me..and I started falling in love with him. He has even protected me from my ex on a number of occasions and it has caused a rift in their friendship.
Now that I am split from my ex, this friend and I are still incredibly close. He is now closest to me and we talk all day every day. He told me he loves me and in time would love to be with me some day. We are just happy being in each other's lives for now...but thinking about what the future could hold is crazy. I never would've thought I could be out of a toxic relationship and then to have this guy be the one I love...
I'm happy and scared and excited and just every emotion ever. I know this is messy but I need it off my chest. Thanks for reading.
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self.offmychest
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I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love. But no one will ever love me
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self.depression
|
deflated balloon noise hey /r/depression how do u guys cope when hobbies and stuff get kind of unbearable. Im an artist. its something I want to go into professionally around comics and stuff, I'm doing pretty ok on the internet for it I guess but I also have lots of break downs and anxiety and theres so much hurt over partaking in my passions that it makes it off putting for me. I try to distract myself with other things but the nagging sensation of never doing enough is really distressing so i end up stilted and probably spend more time staring at a wall than anything else, I'm sure im not the only one on here with this sort of issue but if anyone has any beneficial tips or calming words. please share. thanks
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self.depression
|
My vile old employer I knew my old company was horrible when I was there but the reality of how awful it really was is just starting to hit me now. I think a lot of this is down to me having read other people's online reviews of the company which rang true with my own personal experience.
It is truly a horrid place to work. They treat their employees like pieces of machinery rather than people, and then they wonder why the turnover there is so high. My manager told me I wasn't offering them "value for money" in what was a very humiliating feedback session.
I didn't even really want to work there anyway because I honestly thought the company/job looked a bit rubbish compared to others in the field. But I had been rejected so many times, so I went to the interview, then got offered the job and I told them I'd think about it. I still wasn't sure I wanted to work there, so I decided to ask them for higher pay, half-hoping they'd turn me down so I wouldn't have to tell them I'd changed my mind. But they offered me the extra money, so I decided to go for it. One of the worst decisions I ever made.
The management there is terrible. After two or three weeks I was being compared unfavourably with my colleague who started in the same week, and this continued until I left a year later. I got shouted at by my manager (yes, in the first three weeks!!!) My colleagues were aggressive with me for me not working fast enough. My manager would give me strange looks and then come over and start telling me to work faster even though I was making progress, albeit slower than my colleague who I kept being compared unfavourably with. My bully of a manager would even go over to my colleague's desk and say "Hi!!! How was your weekend?... Ohh cool!! (blah blah blah)" and then not even say hello to me but start aggressively demanding to know how much work I'd done. I ended up working through my lunch break on some days to get the work done. I never got encouragement about my work but rather was told that I HAD to increase my work output. I found out months later that this colleague who started on the same week as me, whom I was constantly being compared with, had got a lot more experience than me. In other words, I was being being unfairly compared with this colleague and being made to feel horrible about myself just so that this vile manager could squeeze more work out of me and improve the productivity of the team or whatever.
I then got a new manager after a few months, which I was understandably extremely relieved about. It took a lot not to smile when she told us all she was leaving. At first my new manager seemed nice but after a few weeks she started displaying the same odd behaviour - not saying hello to me, giving me weird looks and being overly critical of me. Oh, and, of course, comparing me unfavourably with my colleague ad nauseum. In fact, it was her who held the aforementioned feedback session (yes, that was her saying I wasn't value for money). She also aggressively asked me why I was paid as much as I was. Why they offered me higher pay with limited experience I don't know, I guess they were desperate to get anyone through the door to complete the relentless work. She didn't even bother to read my CV prior to the meeting (IDK, maybe it wasn't available for her to view), but to aggressively demand for someone to qualify why they deserve X amount of money when they don't even know what to say to that because you're they fucking manager is downright horrible. After that I just had to work extra hours nearly every day or else risk getting kicked out. They even increased my workload to the point where I felt like I was on a rodeo bull trying to hold onto my job, with them continually increasingly the speed and me praying I didn't make an error that would lead to me getting sacked (every mistake I made, no matter how overworked, was blamed entirely on me). I eventually found myself a new job and resigned and I've been working here a while. It's only now that I realise that you can get paid well and not be treated like dirt that I'm starting to get really angry and have even been losing sleep over it, which sounds crazy since I'm not even working there anymore!!!
It was a downright miserable place to work. Blame culture and workplace bullying was everywhere, people constantly being patronised and infantilised. What a fucking scumbag company. I really hope the company kicks the bucket soon! VILE.
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self.offmychest
|
Anxiety attacks From some time I have attacks, where my heart bit so fast, I can't breath, and I'm scared and I'm panic of everything around and that I'm dying. I'm lay down on the ground somewhere where no one see me, hugging my knees... Is some one else here, who experienced that?
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else get sad and cry when you realize things aren't like they used to be? I miss playing pc online with my buddies from school, everyday after school.
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self.depression
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I know this ia an irrelevant post but I was wondering... I know that this is not something worth your time. As a person who is also experiencing the same illness as I am in this community, I am just wondering. I read in a lot of articles and books that females are more prone to depression than males. But, I'm not really sure if it's true or not. 'Cause most females are more open to their feelings than males irl. And that the statistics presented are mostly just female clients who are really diagnosed. In this community I wanted to know if how many are really in a state of depression and which gender is prominent, clinically diagnosed or not, as long as you experience the symptoms of depression.
I'm female and have been clinically diagnosed with MDD for 4 months now. But it's really just more than just 4 mos. I'm psych student and just recently quit school because of this illness and the stigma.
Just comment your gender and how long you've been depressed. Thank you!
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self.depression
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Couple of questions Being in our thoughts most of the day fantasizing or daydreaming because reality is bad can that be a form of psychosis?
Also, is severe single current episode of major depressive disorder is still clinical depression?
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self.depression
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Medication has been helping me but everyone makes me feel guilty about it [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Want to end my life, but afraid of what happens after I’ve pretty much decided I’d like my aimless, desolate life to end. I’m too emotionally and mentally scarred to amount to anything. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’ve been shaped into the kind of person who will always be chronically depressed. I became very capable of making new friends by my own merit, but always inevitably lose them because of the toxic behaviors that I learned from family members, growing up. And, I’m at the age where it’s too late for me to fix any of it.
I’m not posting for anyone to talk me out of it, but rather for encouragement to follow through. On that note, DM’s work just fine. I need any extra push I can get because I’ve been down this road before, twice. I chickened out at the last minute both times, and told myself, maybe things will get better. They haven’t. I was also terrified of the prospect of going to hell afterwards. I don’t want to jump out of a frying pan and land in a fire. I’m sure to continue to be miserable if I stay alive; whereas, the outcome is uncertain if I can muster up the courage to go through with this. All things considered, the logical thing to do is to kill myself. Don’t try to talk me out of what I’ve already decided. Help convince me that there is no hell, that I’ll have nothing to be afraid of if I can go through with this, or say nothing at all. Thanks.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Help? Would love to help my partner but I don’t know how? Hi guys.. I’m sure you all have read posts like this a lot on here... I really love my girlfriend, and she suffers terribly with anxiety disorders. She says she only tells me a minority of the things that she has anxiety attacks over. I want to help and support her as much as I can, but I don’t know this area at all. She says no medication helps, so I’ve suggested talk therapy or group talk therapy. But what can I do? Do I just tell her things will be okay, be basically supportive, or is it better to try and challenge her by seeing all the rational ways that her anxiety is lying to her? I tried the latter recently and it didn’t work.
I’m happy to just be emotionally supportive, but is there any chance that this will serve to indulge the anxieties and make them grow? I can support her easily when she’s aware that her anxieties are irrational, but when she’s in the midst of an attack, reason just doesn’t work.
What’s the best way to deal with this? I do know that when she’s in pain I want to be there, and I want to pick the right method or choice that gives her some relief. And if there’s a cure, I’d like to support her and keep trying to help her take charge of her demons and not let them beat her.
As I say, this is all new territory for me, I’m coming at this from a rationalist perspective, which could be the totally incorrect approach as there’s no reasoning with an illness. I’d just love some advice on what has worked/not worked for you, and any other advice you can give on ‘living with anxiety’, because as I say, I love her very much, and I want to make sure I have her back. Thanks in advance.
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self.Anxiety
|
Afraid of pregnancy Hi, I am pretty anxious about pregnancy and in a lot of times I have a difficult to have sex, this is fucking with my mind and my relationship. Is there anyone here who can help me or that goes through the same thing? (I'm not a English native, sorry for any English mistake). Thank you all.
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling depressed. I just want to talk to someone. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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A Thanks for the Little Things Forcing Us to Stick Around Longer I know this is a little cheeky but I needed to get it off my chest.
I have had plans for a while now to end things; I even had a date picked out. I wanted to make sure I had done the major things that I've always wanted to do, so I made sure that day was after I knew I would have done those things. But after the Game Awards last night and seeing Death Stranding and Bayonetta 3, I think I just kinda have to stick around at least until I've played those. I wouldn't be able to live with myself (no pun intended) if I never saw what those turned out to be.
As much as I have a hard time getting through life, I think I'm learning to become thankful for the little things that keep me going.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am emotionally cheating on my boyfriend but it feels kind of great This was removed from the confession sub and now I feel like shit for breaking the rules :(
**TL;DR:** Am possibly emotionally cheating on bf, I don't want to, but it feels really good to remember what it's like to have someone actually being nice and supporting me and even reminding me how a person SHOULD JUST be treated. Don't wanna cheat, b/c, I love my bf but idk if it's fair to keep talking to this other guy even as just a friend with clear boundaries and I don't wanna send him the wrong message and I definitely don't want it to turn into me wanting sex w/ him.
I have been with my bf for 5 years now but he's not able to support me emotionally. It's a catch22 where he gets mad if I don't tell him why I'm upset but he gets mad when I do b/c he thinks my problems are either frustrating, stupid, or selfish. The thing is I WANT to trust *HIM* which is what makes this so hard.
Long story short there's this guy from school (I'm post-grad) I've been talking to a lot, and he's so nice to me and he listens without getting mad or frustrated or annoyed. It started out as just a friendship because he noticed I was sad one day and I kind of broke down and lost it and told him everything and it felt GREAT. It was so nice to talk to someone, and for some reason it was nice that it was a guy. It was nice to let everything out and have a guy being nice to me and supporting me and saying encouraging things, instead of getting mad at me or telling me how it's my fault or how I'm so self centered.
Problem is something **always** happens in my life. I dealt with sexual harassment at school and work and it probably fucked me up to always deal with that and I think I'm still recovering from that from years ago and thinking about all the power issues and how my body was objectified and taken from me in a way b/c guys felt like it was okay to stare or sneak pictures or even make comments about MY body. It doesn't really happen anymore thank god. To top it off, my grandfather has been doing cancer treatment and it's really affecting me. My parents are having to take care of him and they get stressed out and call me which upsets me to hear them like that. PLUS I have anxiety and depression probably from the sexual harassment b/c that shit really fucks you up. I know that's a lot to deal with, who the fuck wants that.
I love my bf but I want someone to be there for me emotionally. And he doesn't even like sex with me. He always gives an excuse to not have sex, he always tells me he just doesn't like it, but then he goes and watches porn for girls who look NOTHING like me so obviously he does have urges, but it makes me feel worthless b/c even when I try to be sexy for him he just *laughs*. And the **WORST** part is when he rejects me for sex and then gets mad because he is rejecting me for sex and he feels bad about it. So then I have to deal w/ rejection **AND** also deal w/ him being mad at me b/c I put him in that position which DOUBLE sucks. I'm worried that sort of thing is pushing me away from him and I don't want the emotional cheating to turn into anything else, in fact I want it to stop.
I'm conflicted b/c I love him, but I also love this kind of support I'm getting from my guy friend which my bf just can't give me. I didn't remember what it was like to feel listened to and supported and loved, and honestly my guy friend is all around great. He tells me I'm worth it, he tells me I'm pretty when I say I feel ugly, he tells me he understands sometimes I just want a friend. My bf never compliments me or reminds me he still thinks I'm pretty, he's not really reassuring, I feel like I'm walking on thin ice w/ him, he always tells me the things he doesn't like about me, and for him being supportive and a good bf means not saying mean things to me or things that will hurt my feelings. That's bare minimum bottom line, right? He buys me things and we hang out and go out to dinner and stuff but its so hard to rely on him when I feel down and instead I feel like I always have to hide it and it just makes me feel stressed out.
Thank god I have my therapist or else I would probably be insane but having my guy friend has really reminded me of what I USED to love about my bf. He used to me nice and supportive and romantic and that's all gone and honestly our history and past plays a role there but he says he still loves me and he keeps telling me how he's trying and putting in effort but like I said I don't think NOT being mean to me should be enough and I don't want him to think that buying me a bunch of stuff makes up for just not being nice and supportive and loving, so I even hate when he buys me stuff.
I don't want him to know I'm emotionally cheating on him and I want to stop and just go to my therapist but my therapist doesn't give me the same kind of affection that my guy friend gives me, but I don't wanna cut it off w/ him either b/c he reminded me of how a person should be treated with love and he reminded me how it felt to have that kind of friend and relationship. For once in a long time I don't feel worthless, I feel like a good person, I even feel more confident and desirable. My bf doens't even know this guy exists, but the support he gives me is everything I want. I want my bf to give me that b/c if he did I wouldn't feel this way. At the same time I feel like the biggest pile of shit b/c I'm doing this, so it's a catch22 b/c talking to this guy makes me feel GREAT but also really shitty.
My bf can never find out b/c he would be so hurt and I don't want him hurt I just want his affection, but in the absence of that it felt so easy to talk to someone else. I hate that I'm doing it.
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self.offmychest
|
Do you mistake mania for happiness? It always creeps up on me. I feel great, I feel happy, and then it's only after the fact that I've created a whole mess. I've lost a lot of people I love because of my manic episodes. I push them until it becomes too much. It's happened to me so many times but I still can't recognize it. I think it's worse than the depressive episodes I get. It always comes up worse. I'm unaware until it's too late. I have so much energy to be destructive.
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self.bipolar
|
I took 17 sleeping pills and fell asleep for a whole day I wanted to sleep and never wake up but I did wake up, in that time the only person I called while i was awake was my girlfriend who I'm lucky as fuck to still have although I keep telling her I don't deserve shit. My mom grabbed my phone while I was asleep saw her texts and she called her and she found out what I did. Now members of my family are coming home crying asking if I'm okay and flying and driving from everywhere just as an inconvenience from their lives to see if I'm okay and it's making me feel worse and worse. I don't want them to do this for me, I don't want my mom to treat me to dinner and talk to me about life lessons cause I already regret doing it. I don't want my sister to take me to go see cherry blossoms during spring this Sunday.. my mom told everyone and I kinda hate myself for making her have to do that. Now I just feel guilty and worse. I just want to be alone and gather myself and appreciate how lucky I am and instead people are acting really overly concerned and it just makes me feel more worthless.
Now it's making me think that I can't really fuck it up the next time I do something like that because I'm only gonna make things worse. Or better yet I shouldn't really do it again but it was pretty sudden, I just snapped and decided that I wanted to die and it almost felt calming that I'm actually gonna not wake up if it worked..
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m going crazy in this house - incoherent ranting No one in my family cares about my emotions. Something’s irritating? I get “in trouble” for it (think being scolded). If I just leave to calm down, it’s basically being disrespectful. Constantly. And then my dad cares even less because he’ll go off and talk about his sexist and racist beliefs. At one point he said my boyfriend should support me so I don’t have to work. I’m in college and my end goal is a masters degree. Are you telling me to waste that because I’m a woman? What the hell would you do if my boyfriend was my girlfriend? If I wasn’t immediately disowned are we supposed to both not work? Oh wait, you think everyone who is LGBT has a mental illness. It’s ok though, I’m dating a guy (*barf*)!
Something irritates you? Let me do it anyways because fuck you. Try to explain it? Stop being so childish!
Well now I have little triggers that should just be irritants, but since my emotions are invalidated so much they’re just instant triggers. I shouldn’t want to tear up my arm every time you play your music so loud the neighbors can probably hear it.
Speaking of which, I think I started self harm so young and kept at it for so long that it just became my first line to cope. I can’t run forever, and drawing barely touches it. Breathing helps, but I forget about it so often. So I end up just laying there, my arm on fire, feeling like absolute crap because I’m depressed and can’t do the only thing that has consistently worked. It worked better than my antidepressant thus far.
I’m so emotionally exhausted. I can’t wait for college to start again.
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self.bipolar
|
Feeling Socially left behind, don't know how to feel comfortable or make Friends Basically I was in a situation where I was kind of shut off from society for about 5 years. I'm 21 now and I have a job but I still haven't caught up. Before those 5 years I still had a hard time in school, I always felt and still feel...I'm not sure if "younger" is the right word but I just get kind of intimidated, even by people my age. Like everyone is kind of ahead of me and I'm just there, with a wall in front of me unable to break. My confidence is 0 and I overanalyze a lot of things people do and say which makes it even harder. I don't expect to make friends at work nor do I really want to but it would be nice to have a friend, somewhere, sometime, but how do I get over my issues?
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self.Anxiety
|
I had a break down... a week later my boyfriend had a break down... We then spent two days crying and laying bed basically not moving. I had to go back to my place to watch my roommates dog (Im in the middle of moving into my boyfriends house), we werent ready to be apart. Im not ready to be apart. I dont want to be here. I want to be there. I sat with him through the break down amd he admittes wanting to die and how he wanted to cut again and wish he had the balls to do what I did. (I got really drunk, cut myself all over, then called 911 on myself and sat in the er for a long time only to be sent home). He went on about how he feels horrible about his job. He works in an emergency vet clinic and has a lot of things he does that he hates. Its very stressful. Hes a very loving and caring person and theres a lot of things he feels bad about doing. Idk. I dont want to be alone tonight. I want to be with him.
Idk. Im just really low and dont want to be alone. Its hard for me to even work on packing like i wanted to while home. Cuddling with the dog doesnt make me feel better like it normally does. All i want to do is cry but cant.
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self.depression
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I don't know what to do (Context: Male, High School, no medical history of depression that I know of)
I recently went through a really rough period. All of my interests lost their meaning, I was sleeping for almost half the day, and I thought about endind it all more than a few times. I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that, to bring meaning back to my life, I fell in love. I had only met her recently, but she became the only reason I'd keep going.
Even after that dark period ended, my feelings never left. If anything, they got stronger, because I knew she'd saved my life. For a week or two, everything seemed perfect. I found enjoyment in everything I did again, and I was content just thinking about her: I didn't want any awkwardness between us by telling her how I felt. But that didn't last long.
Over the last week my mood has only deteriorated. Some days I feel like before, happy and cheerful; Others I felt like the world was falling apart around me. I can't think of what's worse, being turned down or slowly tearing myself apart, not knowing what life could be like. I'm especially worried that, if she didn't share my feelings, I'd kill myself and she'd think that it was her fault. I have no idea what to do. Do I pour my heart out and hope for the best, or just wait and hope that these feelings go away? I've known a friend of hers for a while now, I've been thinking of asking her about her opinion.
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self.depression
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Feeling Down and Groggy Hello Folks!
First time poster and long time lurker here. I have BP2 and have tried bunch of different medicine. The one i am currently on and feel most stable is 20mg Geodon and 100mg lamotrigine. I take lamotrigine in the morning and Geodon at night. I seem to really feel down at night time. I am not a morning person, but i dont stay late at all. Anybody else feel kinda down and depressed at night time. I will bring this up to my doc when i see him.
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self.bipolar
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my birthday is coming up and i'm realizing i really don't have friends. i turn 22 in 9 days. my birthday has never been a huge event for me, but i've always spent it with a friend or two seeing a movie, going to the mall, stuff like that. honestly, i never feel important, so having one day that's about me is nice. this year, for the first time, i have nobody to spend it with. this is also the second year i haven't spoken to my father or his side of the family at all, so it's just... really lonely. i knew i was alone but deep down, i convinced myself people still cared. i was wrong. ouch.
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self.offmychest
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Radical acceptance Today my therapist was talking about that DBT skill and said I needed to do that when it comes to accepting my diagnosis. But she didn't explain how to do it. How do I accept that I'm different? How do I accept that I'm not "normal"? I guess that's kinda the same thing but... How do I accept that I have to take a pill to stop me from killing myself? How do you just tell a person to accept something like that?
Any thoughts? What was your process in accepting? I've only been diagnosed a little over a year. In a mixed state according to pdoc and I'm just pissed off!
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self.bipolar
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Kinda of questioning this feeling? So I've been trying to learn new skills online like from Lynda, Courserea and stuff like that but when I'm sitting here it feels like I'm useless. My mind starts going "when are you ever going to use this?" So it gets to the point where I just stop trying to learn.
But I think my New Year resolution is to try to overcome this and feel like I learned something.
Anyways please tell me I'm not the only one who has felt this.
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self.Anxiety
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Yesterday was my 21st birthday. Yesterday was my 21st birthday. I live in one of the biggest cities so when you turn 21, I guess it is a big deal here. I am a pretty sociable person, but not a party type since I work full time to support myself. I received 10 happy birthday messages on my facebook and no birthday calls from either friends or family, or any gifts which made me feel lonely.
About a year ago I was in college and lost my father whom I was very close to in a host vs. graft disease battle that was strenuous on my social life and my academics (if you are familiar with the disease, it is a very distressing and long health issue). All my 'friends' in college did not know how to help me when I was grieving, and became distant to the point where I do not receive any texts back and all social connection is now gone. My family was very divided after my father passed away and they all focused on his items he owned after he passed. My mother became ill soon-after that affected her eating and mental state so she is unable to speak with me or even tell me happy birthday. I had to drop out of college and find work 2 full time jobs to take care of myself and my mother.
I did take myself out to a spa, delivery- dinner, and watched the new Justice League movie in 4DX in efforts to try to cheer myself up which worked but I do feel very empty in the fact that I was alone on what is supposed to be a very big day.
Otherwise, thank you for reading I really appreciate it! :) I really needed to get this off my chest. I am also a bit afraid that things won't change, but I think it's just my depression trying to take a shot at that thought.
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self.depression
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Title I’m scared. I want to do it. I have the gun loaded and in my hands. But I don’t know what will happen. I don’t want to survive, what if I live on accident? What if something stupid happens when I die?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Gender shit I think the primary reason I'm depressed is because of gender issues. I don't know if they're real or imagined; they very well could have wormed their way into my head during my early childhood. But it feels real and I'm too old to transition now. Doing it would almost certainly make me more miserable. I don't want to "look" like anything, I want to be something that I can't be. It's insane.
But maybe that's a blessing. Gender isn't everything, although it seems like it to someone like me. If my depression is from this one insane mental illness, than doesn't that mean I'm in a better spot compared to a lot of people? Sure, I'll always hate myself(but must of us are like that, right?), and my body will seem wrong and disgusting(but again, is that really unique?). It might be possible to get over this. So I ask you, my dear "regular" depressed people who are depressed for reasons other then gender shit, how often do you think about your own gender? I'm guessing not a lot. I feel very lucky that I have a vector to target my depression from. Just the one thing. Sure I'm broken, but we're all broken. And I know the primary way in which I'm broken.
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self.depression
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I really need to get this off my chest [deleted]
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self.depression
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I've been fighting for years, but deep down I know that one day anxiety is going to win the war. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Hey guys, want to know how smart I am? I drank 7 cups of coffee all in one day. Brb, still recovering from an existential nervous breakdown.
In my defense, coffee helps tremendously with depression (studies have found it reduces risk of suicide considerably). Just need to remember moderation. No more than like 1.5-2 cups a day.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm finally accepting that I'm bipolar/living with bipolar disorder Since being diagnosed I've been struggling with the fact that I'm bipolar/living with bipolar disorder, which ultimately made me feel worse. I'm kinda proud of myself for accepting it now and that I'm still a decent person. That's good right? :)
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self.bipolar
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I hope you enjoy the fruits of your theft I really hope you do. I hope you get more out of that game that me and my husband would have. When we first moved in together, I remember we played the first 4 all in a row. One of them we did all in one sitting. I'm not very into video games, but he assured me I'd like this one and now it's one of our favorites.
So when the new one came out we were very excited. I went out to Target and bought it (the last copy at the store!) with the money my grandma gave me for my birthday. It sat on our table for some time, because we got busy and stressed with life stuff.
But one day we decided we were going to make time to play it. We got all set up for a cozy, relaxing night in with our game (ordered delivery food and ice cream, set up spots on the floor with a bunch of pillows and blankets). I finally unwrapped and opened the box, excited to get started. And there it was, staring back at me, a blank CD-R. I threw it in my computer just to make sure. Yep. No game. And no way to go back for a refund because they would think we're trying to scam them with the blank disc. I think must have been an employee whole stole it, since it was apparently shrink-wrapped after the game was replaced.
I'm becoming so sick of getting stuff stolen. In the last 2 months, there's been this game, a package (which was a gift for my husband), and the license plates off my husbands car.
Fuck people who steal shit. Especially those who steal shit in such a way that forces a random person to pay for the item (as opposed to just shoplifting).
To the thief of my game (and gift, and plates), I sincerely hope you are made happier by the thing than I am sad and disappointed to not have it. I hope that you think about how you are affecting an innocent person when you steal something they paid for. Also, FUCK YOU.
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self.offmychest
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Sort of ruined my life I got a letter for my college saying I owe them money or else they'll be going to a debt collector. I feel like a criminal - well, more so than I did before. I was in an honors program that covered tuition. I guess when I failed a semester and then proceeded to not talk to fucking anyone because I was too ashamed of being an academic failure, they must've dropped me from the honors program and now I owe tuition. I'm pathetic because I can't muster up the strength to talk to my school.
It just seems so daunting. I'm so embarrassed by myself. Everyone must think I'm stupid. I think I'm just going to follow through on what I should've done a year and a half ago and just jump off that bridge this Thursday. No one will miss me. My ex was the only person who would've cared but he left because I'm a failure. I feel bad that so many nice people have been victims of these mass shootings, wish I could've taken one of their places.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Going to finally do it. I’m finally going to do it I’m finally going to go through with this. A little info about me. I’m 24 recently divorced, working and trying to be a good citizen. However I’m being convicted with 1 count of criminal mischief worth $1,500 for damaging my ex’s car during our separation. I’m also being charged with 1 count of criminal mischief worth $1,500, 1 count of stalking worth one year in jail, and 1 count of 2nd degree trespassing worth 1 year in jail for urinating on my ex’s car during the early morning before work. All of these charges are misdemeanor offenses, I don’t want to go to jail. I’m starting to finally turn my life around and now this has been put on me. I won’t go to jail. I know this is karma’s way of getting back at me for all I’ve done wrong in my long and terrible past, but I can’t do this. I won’t do it I’m going to accept my defeat and finally let everyone else win. I know this might be terrible for friends and family that may care but now I’m screwed and so I’m going to admit it and just end it all save the court, my attorney, my family, my friends, and my ex wife the trouble of thinking and worrying about me. It’s time that I finally go and save everyone a huge burden.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else become a professional liar because of depression ? I mean, whatever they ask me, I just lie to not make it "awkward" for them, like "are you okay?" "Ye sure, I just need a coffee" something like this. Nothing big or specific, just some random stuff, to drive them off topic, kinda. Does anyone feels like, lying is part of their every days ?
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self.depression
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idk feeling like that again.. hopefully i won't wake up.. awful..ugh
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self.depression
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Can anxiety cause this I can't sleep on my left side anymore. I keep hearing my heart beat and it's keeping me awake.
I did an EKG few weeks ago and it was normal. I'm still scared that there is something wrong with me. And my blood pressure is also normal.
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self.Anxiety
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I just had a breakdown today Just for some context as to why this happened, I don't like surprises, and actively try to avoid them, because I feel safer knowing what's coming up in life so I can plan accordingly. So, tonight, the plan was to go see TLJ in 3D for the first time with just my family, and as a huge fan of Star Wars, I was so excited. I had already seen the movie three times, but never in 3D. Anyways, I got to the mall, and at the table my family was at, one of my friends was there. He said he just happened to run into my family, and at first I believed him, but when he didn't get up to leave, I got nervous. Then, I see a whole group of my friends coming over, and I realize my mom planned a surprise party for my 16th behind my back. All my friends were going to the movie with me. They came over, and I was so surprised and embarrassed, I just covered up my face with my coat hood and refused to talk to anyone. My mom told me to be nice to my friends, which usually I'd listen to her because I often do what authority says, but I didn't. When we went to the theater, I still kept my face hidden. When I got to the movie, which I was excited for, I tried watching as the opening crawl started, but I couldn't focus on it, and decided to just stare at the floor and hide my face for the whole movie. This was extremely unlike me, as I love Star Wars. In the end, I couldn't show my face until we were taking some of my friends home, and that was when I was sitting in the front where they couldn't see me well. I feel really bad about doing this, because when I went on the group chat I'm in with them, they were all talking about what happened and how worried they were about me. Then, my worry was doubled when one of them said my mom told them I'm like this because of something that happened at my 6th birthday party, and I remember nothing happening. What is wrong with me? Why did I do this, especially during something I normally would love so much? Is there a way I can prevent this in the future?
P.S. If you read all the way to the end, thank you so much.
*Edit*- After some thinking about previous events, I have figured out what happened. In extremely stressful situations, I freak out, then go into a shutdown mode where I try to close everything out until things become manageable to me and I've had time to calm down. This isn't a frequent thing for me, the last time it happened I believe was fall of 2016, in 9th grade, when my life was so busy and I had so much homework one night that I completely freaked out, viloently scattered all of my homework material, and refused to do anything related to school for the rest of the night, and it was so bad that I missed the next day of school to have a chance to calm down. I apologize if I shouldn't have posted this here, as technically it turned out to be a stress issue, but I hope it's still relevant to this sub as this event resulted from my fear of embarassment, and this fear is why I shut down in the first place.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm going to attempt to kill myself. Again. It's funny I've done research, in know the stats on suicide. I know that many people who have attempted, retry and some succeed. This is not my first rodeo.
My first encounter was when I was 13, but this path was set for me from a very young age.
My father was an abusive, drunk, drug addict derelict who seemed to have his own set of issues given to him by his own shit parents. But as long as I can remember my life has been absolute hell.
I just can't find the reason to continue, I'm over all the bullshit I'm tired and stressed. Have no family, my wife and I fight all the time, probably because I want to be fucking dead.
I'm 29 years old with a head full of problems.
I've been abused, locked in broom closets, told i was worthless, told I should be killed, threatend to be killed, choked till I passed out, watched my mother get beat, watched my mother get a gun put in her mouth, watched my grandmother get laid out by my own father, watch my pregnant aunt get laid out by my own father, I don't feel like even getting into the darker stuff.
I've been made fun of, called crazy, all while growing up as a kid, I've been separated because I was a liability.
I have so many head problems I can't fix them all my self, I've tried meditation, I've listened to Eckhart tolle, I've been to the gym, it's deep rooted and I can't get it out, I just want to die.
I've always known I've wanted to die, I've tried to be strong I've tried to be what I thought would help me.
But I've failed so hard. So I just want to get out what I can before I commit to this one last time. This is shit and I can't seem to fix these issues I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried so hard, I did whatever I could, I just want to stop feeling like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Effexor I’ve been on 150 mg of effexor for about 19-20 months, and it is the only anti-depressant that Ive been prescribed which actually works for me. However, the negative side effects outweigh the positives lately.
My appetite is terrible, I have the worst time trying to sleep, I almost always wake up completely soaking from night sweats, and last but definitely not least, the withdrawals are the worst thing ever.
This drug has worked for my depression but I fear the day that I have to stop taking it and i almost want to stop now so i don’t have to experience that down the road.
Any suggestions on how to titrate/ween myself off of it while dealing with the terrible brain zaps would be greatly appreciated.
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self.depression
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Last August, I came *really* close to killing myself, and I feel even more depressed and suicidal today than I did then [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm glad I told myself it will still be hard at times. Tonight right before I was headed to a party. I started to feel some derealization and panic. But I got in the car and went. Ended up not being a party, just a get together and at times i was struggling. But I still did it. Instead of isolation [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Getting off 10mgs Cymbalta? (xpost r/depression) I've only been on Cymbalta for a couple months, and only at 10mgs/day. I want to get off because the side effects aren't worth it (it's fucking with my libido, it makes me feel sick, etc etc). Any advice?
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self.bipolar
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I am a 20 year-old college student and I feel like I have no life! [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Why do people make fun of others for being depressed, but then tell them they can't give up? I'm so sick of how hypocritical everyone can be. Every time someone is going through waves of depression to the point they can't function through society, people play the blame game and yell at them for not buckling their bootstraps.
Then when they enter the moment of fully giving up without taking any funds from anyone else, they turn and tell them that they need to try harder. They say its selfish to act this way.
But why? Why is this wrong or selfish? Why is it wrong for everyone to feel hurt about being stuck in an ill society? It almost feels like they just want us around just so they can feel better by comparison.
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self.depression
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Does anyone else feel nauseous on their bad days? It’s gotten a lot worse for me recently (this used to only happen every once in a while), but I’ve noticed that as soon as I can feel myself start to crash, waves of nausea just start rolling over me. Most of the time I can’t even vomit because I’m often too nauseous to eat. Is this common or should I be concerned?
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self.depression
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What would happen in this theoretical situation Hi, my brother might have bipolar thingy, i don't have too much knowledge about the subject but as far as i know he has mania. He is a chill dude, works alot, really has alot of hobbies but when the mania hits him after doing drugs after a long time it goes wayyyyyyyyyy overhead and way too energetic.
So my question is what would happen if we put my brother lets say in a jungle, a jungle with 0 people in it just wild life etc, kind of like our ancestors used to live. He would have so much energy but nothing to use it on, maybe running after running after running, then he must've understanded he needed nutrition.
I just feel like if we were to put him in a 'ancient' enviroment without nowadays community he would get better in no time, because there is no another options. Hope you understood my shittiest explanation of the century, cheers.
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self.bipolar
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It just hit me, I'm not a good person [deleted]
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self.depression
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Here I sit in Wendys alone as I do in most other parts of my life. I come here every other day for lunch. It's one of my few daily outings I do each week. I look around the restaurant and see people socializing and interacting be it families or people who appear to coworkers and/or friends out for a bite. There lives are probably not perfect but most of them I am sure are far better than mine.
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self.depression
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My brother just told me he is extremely depressed what do I do. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I'm feeling really depressed tonight, anybody want to talk about it? [deleted]
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self.depression
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To my coworker who yawns. I completely understand that your tired. I understand that you are working two jobs to pay your rent while also going to school. I'm in the same boat. However, for all that is holy, please stop yawning so loudly! I can not concentrate on my work. Every 5 mintues I hear you yawn like you just woke up, even when you have your 2 shot espresso coffee. I would ask you politely to keep quiet, but it hard to catch you when your by yourself. Its all that I ask.
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self.offmychest
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Today is the day. I think it's time to say goodbye. First, I'm not looking for attention. I'm not crying out for help. I've been wanting to do this every day for weeks. I've done my research and I have a plan. It's CO poisoning. Easy.
My wife of 8 years, my best friend in the world, left me a few months ago. She left me because I took her for granted and I'm a piece of shit. I miss her so much but she has gotten past me. She doesn't even want to talk to me. I reached out to her a few weeks ago just to talk. Talk about being depressed, etc. She said she can't help me with my needs. I will not be able to live with her being with someone else. I recently lost my job, I'm about to be homeless and I'm almost penniless. I have nothing. I am devoid of hope. My exit plant has been set up for a couple of weeks and today is the day.
Some of you guys who are trying to help on here were sent by angels. I wish my heart was as pure and caring as yours.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Popped a adhd pill i'm happier than couple of hours but still i wanna kill myself I'm comfy being a failure in life, i tried to make my family, i couldnt do it, gave up on life, BUT MAN these pills are my escape from reality.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What happens to active duty soldiers that ask for help? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Introduction Hello everyone! I am new. I’ve been browsing the sub for a little over a week now. I have always been a slave to impulse. When I was 20 I bought a motorcycle. When I was 21 I randomly moved away from everyone I know. I’ve majored in everything for culinary arts, to education, to accounting, and now to computer science. I’ve never worked the same job for more than two years. I now see that those changes were probably impulse decisions during mania.
I’ve been seeing a psych for about a year because of anxiety and depression. He has off and on toyed with the idea that I might be bipolar.
I currently am on 20mg lexapro but last week he caved and said he wanted to add a mood stabilizer and try it out.
Today I picked up that script, so it will be my first day. He put me on 25mg of lamotrigine.
I’m doing so well at my job but I feel it creeping in my mind. I’m browsing indeed. Apartment hunting far away.
I am married. Our anniversary is coming up and she really has been so supportive. She is an anchor. She keeps me from drifting too far.
It’s almost 3AM. I won’t miss insomnia.
I guess I am curious what it is like for you when you’re beginning medication? How do you know it’s working? How do you know it’s too much? Were you also anxious about this big step?
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self.bipolar
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My mum and dad agreed to kick me out of the house tomorrow I have never felt so bad, I'm feeling like going to the bathroom and poisoning myself instantly since I'm finally brave enough to kill myself.
I have no one, Fucked up my future, disappointed my parents and family (many times), I'm useless and all I do is, is to waste space.
Got no one to talk to except some good internet friends, I might finally kms now.
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self.depression
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Getting better but Struggling with Motivation The holiday season has been really good for me. I'm finally back at the point where I can feel excited about things again, and it feels so damn good. I want to go out. I want to meet people. My sociable spirit is back and I am so grateful of that! I have been keeping up with my workout routine into the new year and I'm extremely proud of myself.
Now. Onto the lifelong battle I seek some advice about fighting.
I guess the most lackluster side effect of my particular anxiety-depression cocktail is my lack of motivation, discipline, and commitment. I have so many ideas for projects that I want to get started on, stories that I want to write, emails I need to get to, and the like... but I legit have never followed through with one thing. Not even once. I have not completed *a single* personal project, be it an essay, a video, a painting, a song. Nothing. It's like my creativity runs by so fast I just get bored or tired and then I struggle to do anything that isn't drown in hilarious Youtube videos or reddit starterpack threads.
My mom is an inspiring person. She just keeps and keeps on going all the time, and I don't even know how. I wish I could have that type of strength and discipline. I really want to start a Youtube channel, but I can't do it if I'm this inconsistent.
EDIT: This is specifically related to personal projects. I'm a procrastinator when it came to school but always turned everything in. Also, I manage to be extremely productive at work, for some reason.
Anyone got some words of wisdom? Any help is welcome in regards to motivation, energy, commitment and strength!
Also, congratulations to everyone for making to 2018 despite our struggles. We rock!
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self.Anxiety
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Pretty sure my husband is texting another girl. Again. NAW. Just a little...heartbroken.
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self.offmychest
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How can I overcome my anxiety when I’m going to present in front of the classroom? I actually don’t have anxiety in general, I can easily talk to a group of people normally. However, when I have to talk in front of everyone in the classroom in my high school, my heart start beating hard and I get scared if they couldn’t understand what I’m trying to say. I guess you could count that as anxiety. I was hoping if you can help me out on how I can overcome my worries when I’m going to present in front of my classroom? I’m just going to present about my slideshow.
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self.Anxiety
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Just got prescribed zoloft I'm so exited for tomorrow now.
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self.depression
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Depression thoughts vs Anxiety thoughts - Do they feel different for you? For me, depression thoughts hurt way more emotionally, like much darker than anxiety. What about you?
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self.depression
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In the words of Bojack Horseman, I'm tired of running in circles. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm responsible for my cat passing away I've had cats my whole life, I've had 5 for a while now. I ended up taking in a sick cat from an outside colony to try to nurse back to health 4 months ago, making 6 cats. She was very skinny and I hoped to fatten her up and find her a good home. She never put on any weight and her first visit to the vet came back negative on all tests. She was supposed to go this week to get a full blood panel and other stuff.
I had to move to a new apartment, so I loaded up all my cats and rushed them there, it's $350 per pet and you're only aloud to have 2 so management catching wind of them would be an issue. I put my cats in a room and her in the bathroom because the front door would be open while moving stuff in. Afterwards I was up for a day and half moving and completely passed out for 12 hours afterwards.
I went to feed her this morning and she was completely limp on the floor. I held her close before putting her in a carrier and speeding to the vet. They called 2 hours later and she had passed away. She had a thyroid tumor, and failing kidneys and liver. I hadn't put down food or water because I was so caught up in getting moved out it slipped my mind, I thought I would get them sorted out much sooner than I did. She was very sick and something like not having water and food for 48 hours was too much for her, where my other 5 were just fine. I'm a fucking idiot, a heartbroken fucking idiot
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self.offmychest
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Music triggers very bad anxiety So I have this song that I used to listen to a ton a while ago. This period of my life was not the brightest and I usually listened to that song even when things weren’t the best. The song came up in my Spotify daily and it felt like I was going to have a panic attack in the intro to it. Is this normal? And if it is, is there any way to fix this because all though it now triggers anxiety, I really love the song.
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self.Anxiety
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Today’s manic daydream Turn in my car to the dealer
Put the house up for sale
Cash out my IRA (come find me irs I dare you)
Purchase a tear drop trailer and hitch it to my truck
Pack my bags
Grab the dog
Burn rubber out the driveway and never look back
Living in camp grounds or wherever life takes me until the money runs out and putting a bullet in my head when it does
I can actually make this happen if I wanted to.
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self.bipolar
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Tired of feeling like suicide is a good option [deleted]
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self.depression
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Not sure what this post is. A quick little snapshot I guess. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Am i too entitled? Some guy said, i am way too entitled, if i want more in my life than just "surviving", live to work, and just existing. He said Hobbies, Internet, and other luxuries are unecessary. That is maybe true. You don,t Need it to survive. But wouldn,t such a life be very boring? If you work 60-80 hours a week just to barely able to survive? That would be a shitty live right? If i had to live such a life i probably would kill myself. Because for me live is not only about work.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Happiness or Anxiety or Hypomania? Hey fellow bipolar people! I have a question...how can you tell if you’re just in a really good mood or if you are going into hypomania?
The two times I was manic I was having lots and lots of irritability and insomnia and a ton of anxiety. My doctor suggested those were manic episodes based on what I could remember.
Now, whenever I’m feeling particularly good, I’m constantly worried that I’m not actually happy, but instead, hypomanic.
For example, I had a good day at work. I got a project done and I got to socialize with my favorite people. Usually work can be a somewhat dramatic place, but those people were out today. I’m home now and I’m feeling good, as in not tired or socially exhausted, which is funny because I’m typically an introvert, but mostly around people I don’t know.
I also have a tremor....which is usually a sign of anxiety or that I’m really hungry. Big anxiety attacks have resulting in my legs shaking uncontrollably. Can happiness cause anxiety? I don’t feel anxious that often around other people. Maybe I just have low blood sugar?
I’m on Lamotrigine and Effexor and I take Hydroxyzine at night to sleep, if that makes a difference at all. I’ve been sleeping throughout the night this week, which I think is a good sign.
Any thoughts? I’m going to ask my therapist too next week.
|
self.bipolar
|
I’m a couple days into a self-induced manic episode and deeply regretting it... [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Goodbye. I guess my last post wasn't clear. I'm grasping at strings at here. My goodnight, is goodbye.
This pretty much confirms no one gives a shit if I'm around or gone.
Take care of yourselves. I'm done.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Can't stop crying, going to finish this. I am laid on the floor crying my eyes out. I don't want to be alive anymore. I have literally nothing to live for - no close friends and no family, no job, nobody who would want me to stay alive.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I’ve recently realized I’m a narcissist and been quite an ass because of it. How do I stop thinking about myself? I’m sure most of you have encountered someone like me before. Im really hoping that simply realizing I’m a narcissist is a large portion of the struggle, but I’ve got a feeling there’s a lot more I need to learn.
I really just want to help people for the sole purpose of helping. I want to do favors because I care about people, not because I want to feel like I’m a good person. I want to encourage other people in their ventures, instead of selfishly being consumed by my own.
If your life has been affected by a narcissist, please tell me everything or anything that you would want to say to them.
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self.offmychest
|
DAE when you're trying to learn something feel like all pages are blank? Sometimes i cant get out any information from books, i feel stupid I read, read... Nothing.Im overhelmed by everything.Im not motivated, i struggle with problems, i cant handle my life
|
self.depression
|
I don't have a name for this type of depression. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My mom is going to hate her Christmas gifts [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
No grades, no father figure, depression and anxiety I've spent the last 7 years of my life unhappy and in my bedroom. My Dad is an alcoholic and gave up on me years ago. I didn't get good grades leaving high school and i can't go to college, I have bad anxiety. I can't answer phones or even leave the house to go to the doctors or jobcentre. Feeling like there's really no point in me being here.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Ect and Medication My form of bipolar has been really difficult to treat. I'm on three mood stabilisers and an antipsychotic. That's 13 pills a day to keep me stable. I'm fucking sick of it.
When I saw my psychiatrist last time, he said that if this treatment wasn't working we may have to take a trip down ECT lane. I'm pretty scared of it, and I'm not keen on having it done unless it's the last resort.
Then I had a thought. Do people having gone ECT treatment still take/need their medications?
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm trying to quit you Too many people on reddit or just plain assholes.
I'm a college student, at 38. I'm majoring in a "useless" major-Psychology and a minor in Health Care Management. Because it's not a "stem" major, I'm not going to make a lot of $$$$. I live in a county with 78,000 people, so of course, I'm not going to make a lot of $$$ and I need to move if I want to make $$$.
This isn't my first rodeo, I've been around the block enough times to realize while yes, having money is nice, having enough money to live off without panicking about how to make rent, there's more to life than having a 5 bedroom house, 2 cars, 2 kids and a dog in the city.
I'm tired of reading on the personal finance message boards about how much credit card debt people have they are trying to dig their way out of. Yes, there is a lot of good information over there that I have put into place that has helped me put things into perspective and get my family budget on track. I'll be opening up my first IRA account in January, right after we finish paying off some medical bills in December. I'm only going to be able to put in $25-$30 a month for a good year because we're trying to get some other expenses under control-mainly some unexpected medical expenses. And we're trying to pay off my college as I go and avoid taking any loans. I don't understand why so many put things, an image, money and looks before anything else.
To my family, that's the right choice. But to reddit? Nope, it's not. I'm doing it wrong.
Like with my weight loss, I once posted about how proud I was to have cut my calories down from 6800 a day to around 2800-3200 a day, and was working really hard to get it down under 2000 calories a day (btw-I'm now averaging 2200-2600 calories a day) and how much weight I've lost and how scary it was for me to join a gym. Not one person congratulated me on how I managed to gain control over my diet and cut so many calories out and no one peep on “keep trying! You can do this!” No, every post slammed me for how many calories I was eating and fussed at me over how I HAD to get it under 2000 calories a day. Not one person who slammed me that day realized the mental journey it took me to get to this point-all they saw was the numbers, not the person behind them.
When I read about people living with a toxic family but have no other option but to stay-I get it. Been there done that with toxic people. I don't understand why they just don't leave. Walk away. Once upon a time I walked away from a toxic situation with nothing but a suitcase. I live in a homeless shelter for 4 ½ months with jack shit before I had enough $$$ to move into a cheap motel, then move into my own apartment. Now I'm standing on my own in my own rental home. Granted I don't own my own home, I probably will never be a home buyer, but you know what? Owning a home doesn't make me who I am. Maybe someday I'll get there, maybe not. But that's okay. But to reddit, it just seems like it's not.
Once again, no matter how much I was doing right-I'm still doing it wrong. I'm tired of Reddit, and I really need to quit you.
|
self.offmychest
|
Seroquel and snoring Hi all. I’ve been on 150mg of seroquel for about 2 months now and I am snoring like a grizzly bear. I’ve never had a snoring problem before and my husband is getting tired of sleeping on the couch! Any experience with this or advice? Will it go away?
Thanks!
|
self.bipolar
|
Wow rewatching starwars triggered deep feelings inside me It reminded me of the time when all my family members still were alive and how we watched star wars together. These feelings took me out of the monotone and depressed life I currently live with no happiness and a dark cloud following me everywhere I go. Unfortunately I know once I wake up tomorrow I will be feeling like shit again and I really don't know how to get out of this misery. I feel like the happiest time of my life is over and I'll be depressed till day x comes..
|
self.depression
|
medically withdrawing from school, no friends, ...what do I do? I broke up with my emotionally abusive boyfriend over the summer which made me start school off on the wrong foot. That on top of a bunch of other things such as feeling excluded by my two best friends have caused me to become depressed and lose all motivation to do anything, including school work, and so for that reason I have decided to medically withdraw from this semester. I confronted my friends but went about it completely wrong and attacked them/blamed them for causing my depression and my medical withdrawal. I have since apologized but now they won’t even talk to me which causes me to be even more depressed. I’m still at school auditing my classes but having no responsibilities or friends have made it so hard to do anything but lay in bed all day. I have hopes for next semester but until then I don’t know what to do. One of my friends who will no longer speak to me is my roommate so you can imagine how incredibly awkward that is. I’m torn between trying to mend me relationship or saying fuck them and moving on considering they significantly contributed to the intensity of my depression and now want nothing to do with me at my lowest point. I just don’t know what to do other than sit and be sad, any advice would be so appreciated.
|
self.depression
|
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