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I have no one to turn to. Killing myself on my birthday tomorrow. Please help me Tomorrow I turn 24 and I am killing myself. Reasons behind this aren’t important because I don’t want to be talked out of it. Unfortunately much like many of you guys I am scared my attempt will not be successful so that is why I haven’t done it yet.
My question is if I hook up a hose to an oxygen mask and then connect that to my exhaust pipe on a cold night (2013 Toyota) will that be enough to kill me? I figure I will fill up my tank, take an ambien, and just breathe it all in and effectively not wake up.
PLEASE help me and advise me regarding this method/carbon monoxide in general. How Can I do this correctly
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone willing to PM me? Ready to try SUICIDE again, 2nd time this week. I HATE my life. This loneliness & being less-than-Human. Edit 2: Kindly do not offer to “help” when your actions make it clear you don’t want to help. I’m no longer replying to PMs,
b/c the last thing I want when I came here was further rejection and more confirmation of what a horrible, unworthy, sub-human I am.
Thanks for the big FU kick in the head. It’s everything I was hoping for. /s
Edit 1: Finding more proof I’m not to be here. THANKS EVERYONE! Happy for anyone finding help and/or a listening ear.
NO ONE has replied to my responses to their PM’s. Some could be timing, except 1 way earlier, I responded in 7 minutes. Another 14 minutes. I checked my settings & have had back & forth PM’s under my regular user name. 🤷🏼♀️ I knew I was a F#€keD up mess. Will You believe me know?
Thanks for giving me the strength I needed.
ARRIVEDERCI!!!!
Me (51/F) posted here a few days ago under a throwaway & cant locate it now. (Doesn’t matter). On SSDI. I attempted after that post & then chicken out. But ready to try again.
I’ve AGAIN looked for HELP.
I find None.
I have No one.
My existence is worthless.
I’m only giving a few details so that if anyone would be willing to PM now or in a few days, I’d appreciate it.
I’m ready to try again. I don’t want to living in this cycle of “try, attempt & fail”. I ALREADY feel like a ginormous failure at life, but failing that last attempt, too? Very Rough! I became scared of a failed outcome (stroke or paralyzation), but now life’s 110% ssh!tb@ll again, so the bad effects from a failed outcome aren’t looking as bad in comparison to all the garbage that is my life.
Pm if you’d life. Reply if you’re more comfortable w/that. That’s for hanging out & just viewing. I know I’m not the only person here needing help. I just feel guilty asking tho.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How to relieve tension Hi all,
I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for some time now. The depression can come in the form of just a bad day or more prolonged episodes.
I fell into an episode a week ago and one of the symptoms is a constant feeling of tension; a headache and tight muscles mainly around the shoulders and neck. I also lose my appetite.
I'm sure this is part of my subconscious but does any one have methods to even bring some relief? Has any ever tried getting a massage when they feel like this.
Thanks
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self.depression
|
Not living up to my social potential I once was so funny, out going, made friends and girlfriends soo easy.
Now basic conversation with the gas station cashier can be tough.
The real me is buried under a lot of mental and emotional crap
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self.depression
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Success Is Making Me Sad (Workaholism & The Emptiness of Achievement) Hey reddit :)
I almost never post to threads but something has been bothering me immensely for the past few months.
I need to make it immensely clear upfront that this is not a humble-brag: I am in excruciating mental and emotional pain and felt completely frozen before deciding to write this, but I needed to express it, and for reasons that will become clear, I have no relationships in which I feel secure doing so.
I am a 21-year-old university student and have recently experienced some praise / success in my field (economics, in case it makes a difference).
One of my lecturers has singled me out and wants me to co-author a paper with them, which is not common for undergraduates at my university or in my country.
I have also placed in the finals for a national economics competition and will be flown to my country's capital city and accommodated at the expense of one of my country's largest banks.
I recognise that these should be exciting things for me, that I am IMMENSELY privileged to have these opportunities or even to be receiving a tertiary education, and in so many other ways in my life.
However, my emotional response has fluctuated between overwhelming fear, sadness and anger. The reason for this has become increasingly clear to me: *for me* in particular, these achievements are hollow.
For someone with a genuine passion or interest in my field, or at least someone who prioritises professional success, these achievements would result in happiness and excitement. For me, however, I am not really motivated by those things if I am being honest with myself.
I had to introspect pretty deeply in asking myself how I have gotten to this point if I am not motivated by these things, and honestly, it comes down to some pretty horrific truths.
1. I am a workaholic - I have always focused immensely on my academics to the extent that I have been teased by my peers for this, I have overachieved academically at every level including my final high-school results which placed me on the national news. But this, too, was empty, and accompanied by a breakdown.
2. It seems that my working tendencies are not motivated by positive outcomes, but by avoiding honesty with myself or others at some level, or coping with a trauma.
3. I think that my addiction to work is the result of feeling burdensome. Owing to my parents' divorce and their narcissistic tendencies, my needs have always been treated as a burden to be passed on to the other, or, when met, have been used against me in arguments or as an emotional guilt-trip. As a child aged 4, this was deeply traumatising. It made me feel like a waste of space, energy, resources. The obvious answer would be to succeed, to work tirelessly, to achieve in the eyes of my parents to justify my existing and taking up their resources, including love.
4. I have many friendships, some superficial and others life-long, mostly with people who are genuinely interesting and kind, but I am terrified of being truly vulnerable or open with these people, and escape social occasions often into my work to avoid this.
As a result of this all, I find myself in a tailspin. I am extremely lonely, extremely tired, and yet extremely overburdened with responsibilities and obligations. These feelings become even worse during the holiday season when work is removed from my life and I feel the hollowness not only of my achievements, but of every other field of my existence.
I cry when I think about travel, about holidays, even just about taking a coffee break. It feels self-indulgent, dirty, lazy. And yet I long for these things. All sources of pleasure are wasteful in the eyes of my emotions, yet rationally I am a hedonist. I can't bridge the gap and the dissonance is killing me.
Most of all, I am terrified that with every success, I am pushed further along a never-ending path of enslavement to joyless work until death, possibly without even enough time to reflect on my life's trajectory and regret how the TRUE WASTE hasn't been in my time off, but in my compulsive time on.
I wouldn't mind some advice, but mostly I would just love it if I were not alone, if someone could listen and understand, if someone relates.
I do have faith in myself though, guys. I do really want to make a change for myself. But I am face to face with my biggest inner demon.
Sending you all the love I've got and hoping anyone going through something similar has a good support system. ♥
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self.offmychest
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Really feeling it tonight... Idk what it is, just one of those nights where your thoughts run wild and it brings out the worst in you. I feel so worthless. I feel like im just taking up space. The world wouldnt be any worse off without me. I don't think I wanna die but i certainly don't want to be alive on this planet anymore. I have tons of things im passionate about but im not good at any of them and then I see others that are good at them and it just discourages me. I just wish that for once in my life I had something that made me excited to wake up in the morning...
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self.depression
|
Any folks in their 30s and 40s hereabouts? I notice that a lot of people here seem quite young -- and that's fine. We all need help coping, and a diverse posting community helps with all sorts of points of view.
But I'm wondering how many of us here are a bit older than the typical Redditor. I know that as a person in my mid-40s with an established family and career, my depression affects me differently, and deeply, in ways it didn't when I was younger. Adult responsibilities have definitely exacerbated certain aspects, especially when it comes to money, work, and feeling beholden to certain needs and goals.
Paramount to that is the pressure to conform to the workaday world, a constant series of frustrations for me lately. We've had some big changes at my job, and another key coworker leaving soon, that have really thrown things into chaos and triggered a lot of negative self-talk and emotions within me.
I had two weeks of vacation recently, and whereas usually I try to get out, do things, read books, play games, do things I enjoy, I more or less holed up in the house and refused to talk to anyone outside of my wife. It's only when things are really dark things like that happen, and they are pretty dark right now.
My therapist, who I saw last week, reminded me that there's not much I can personally do other than try to cope best I can and make positive -- as able -- changes for me, a variant, I guess, of the old Serenity Prayer. That kind of leaves me dissatisfied, but there you go.
I feel pretty trapped in my job and in various areas of my life. It's nice to have a place like this where one can just talk. I created this account, to be blunt, to do just that.
Young or old, I welcome your thoughts.
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self.depression
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Anxiety over simple things like going to a family members house for dinner or a friend coming over to hang out. Something just as simple as going over to a cousins house for a cookout gives me a panic attack.
Something even more simple like a friend coming over to watch the football game gives me awful anxiety. Like, I'm not even leaving the fucking house, I'm literally just going to sit on the couch and watch TV.
When I get anxious, my heart rate sky rockets and I begin to feel as if my asshole is about to produce soft serve ice cream.
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self.Anxiety
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Manipulative ex I spent the last year of my life trying to get an asshole to care about me. We met December of last year and I thought he was great.
Then in February, he cheated on me for the first time. A friend of mine told me and it tore me apart. I told him leave me alone for a week and then decide if he either wants to be exclusive or be done. He decided to be exclusive. So we did that until May. In May, the day I was moving out for the summer, he decided to tell me he didnt want to keep seeing me. So then over the summer he kept bothering me, and I was dumb and kept answering.
Over the summer I came to see him and other people I know, and of course we hooked up and then he bothered me more. He would reach out multiple times a week and just wouldn't let me be.
When we got back to school, I went to pick up some things I left at his house and we started up again. We talked about what we did this summer and he told me that he made out with a girl at a bar. I told him I could forget it because we were not together.
Then we saw each other 5 or more times a week (except weekends because I couldn't drink on the weekend for the first few months.) This went on for about 3 months. Until I saw a snapchat video of him making out with a girl. I thought we were done until he started begging me to date him.
I thought to myself, this is what I have wanted from this guy for almost a year and now he finally wants it? So what do I do? I give him another chance.
While I was deciding if I wanted to date him, we continued to see each other constantly. At this point I can go out on the weekend again and I tell him I am going to do whatever I want with whoever I want. So I danced with a guy. Then I get an angry text from him asking what I'm doing. Then I went over there and he was so upset about it. Until he decides to tell me he actually had sex with the girl from the beginning of the year. He drove two hours to go fuck another girl.
So I'm sure you can guess where this is going! I forgive him again! Then we talk for another month. This brings us to this week. He comes over and tells me that he no longer wants to date me. So we officially break up.
Then I am at a party and some girl comes up to me and says "I'm so glad you're done with him! I remember when he has sex with a girl and then brought you over later." Yeah I didn't know about that, so I went over to his house drunk and tore him a new ass hole. So here I am, pissed off and reminiscing on every lie he ever told me.
TL;DR: he lied to me constantly and I'm sad
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self.offmychest
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THG Hey, so im just post in for some advise and guidance if you could. So I dont know when to start, as a child I was used to being a "follower" and happy back then. But after the age of like 10 I found my first friend. He was amazing, but sadly moved a few months later..So ever since that I've taken this new outlook on life, as if I'm just friendless now, but that will change later on. Even my parents called me antisocial and hearing that isn't something I took lightly. To fit in I act weird, to get attention, it works. But now I get depressed knowing no one will ever enjoy my company not even a little. I do many things that others my age would laugh at me for but in private. I know I'm antisocial but I still long for that social life that all my other peers enjoy. But friends aren't made easily. My parents think that you can go to school act nice and boom, you get friends but no. In our generation I find you needed to have known them for a while, and then only will they be friends. No major changes in social connections have changed in my school not one. I keep track but why it'll never mean anything to me so imu
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self.depression
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I'm an atheist and my best friend converted to Christianity and has just changed so drastically . He doesn't want to talk to me that much anymore.. I feel like my friendship is slowly ending and it hurts so bad.. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I feel like I just ruined a friendship... I recently got the contact info of a girl I like, and we actually hit it off really well. Late-night gaming sessions, phone calls into the early morning, etc. I thought she seemed pretty into me, so a few days ago I told her how I felt. She's cool with it but said she doesn't want a relationship right now, which sucks but I respect that.
Anyway, I've been reflecting the last few days and I realized that she's been a really great friend and I honestly need that right now. We still text, but she seems less involved/interested than before. At this point I just want a friend, but I fear that it'll forever be tainted by my confession. I'm afraid that she won't want anymore late-night talks or to hang out anymore which really fucking sucks. I think I missed out on a big friendship here and I'm kicking myself for it. Hopefully I'm wrong. I'm gonna wait a week or two to suggest we call/hang out again so hopefully this blows over.
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self.offmychest
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Can't do this anymore. Just have to say something. I don't know when exactly but I know how. I know it will hurt maybe 2 people, but they have people to live for, and they'll get over it soon enough. Maybe it'll give them a deeper connection with life and what time they have left, because we all die sooner or later. My life is hopeless and has been for a very long time. I really try be positive but dealing with this constant dread every day is really taking me under. I've posted here before and it always seems like I'm being vague but I'm really not. I feel like it's dooms day every day. I can't even leave the house. I can barely muster enough energy to do things like brush my teeth. It took me a long time to realize that normal people don't experience this intense anxiety every day. I live in a wretched hole and I can't get out. My family think I should get a back-bone. They think I should just get on with life. But I can't anymore. I'm grateful to them for feeding me and giving me a roof over my head, but me being a good-for-nothing leech is taking it's toll. I'm being selfish expecting them to look after me. It's been years and I can't afford to get help. It takes every ounce of energy I have just to exist. I love my family and I love this earth and I think there's something really sacred about life, it's really wondrous to behold but maybe if I go now then I can see and understand things better from the vantage point of whatever comes after this existence. Maybe doing it is a sin, but this seems to be my only option. I'm not worth it. I'm really tired of it. I'm pathetic and I know that and that's part of why I want to go. Thanks for reading. I wish you the very best and hope whatever you're going through that you find the strength/or get what you need to get through it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i didn't do enough to stop a child sex predator I was a very awkward teenager. Very unattractive, low self-esteem, didn't get a lot of attention from anyone at school. I spent a lot of time online, hanging out in chat rooms.
A guy started talking to me. I was 13. He said he was in his 20s. We flirted, cybered, I sent some pictures I shouldn't have. I thought I was in love. I thought it was incredible that this guy was attracted to me, interested in me, whatever.
I started making plans to meet up with him - and then through a complicated series of events, found out he was actually in his 40s, had two kids who were around my age, and had been lying to me about everything. He stopped talking to me, we never met up.
I'm 28 now. I looked him up and found out he got busted a few years ago with 600+ images/videos of CP.
I feel like I should have told someone about him. At the time I was terrified - afraid I'd get in trouble, wouldn't be allowed to use the computer anymore, all that kind of stuff. I don't know why I never told anyone later, though, once it sunk in how wrong everything he did was. It just kind of faded into the background and I moved on because I was never really hurt by it. I guess it never even occurred to me that he was probably doing the same thing to other people. I don't know what I practically could have done...I didn't keep chat logs, didn't really have any proof of anything. But it makes me feel sick, thinking about how I'm probably somewhere in that collection. And how I could have done something to stop this sooner, if I hadn't been scared, or if I'd been smarter.
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self.offmychest
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Starting to freak out about starting a new job tomorrow. So tomorrow, I’m going to be starting a new job as a library page, and I’m really nervous about it. Even though I’ve dreamed of working in a library for years now, I can’t help but worry that I won’t do a good enough job, or that I’ll mess up somehow. I already took a dose of Ativan today to help with the anxiety, but I’m still freaking out. Anyone have any advice or words of support?
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self.Anxiety
|
Life huh some people are born without any luck , here is proof :
* born 28 years ago.
* mother : prostitute till she died , got pregnant while she was
doing her clients , died when i was 17 on cancer
* father : since she is a prostitute , no idea
* stephdad : abused me till 13 years old. got sex with
animals/children , still free on lack of evidence and there is no
specific help for this “mentaly illness” and there is no space in
prison … im not joking, this is how it works in my country
* life : child protection agency took me away when i was 2
* lovelife : some light in my life ... knew her since i was 10 and fall in love , started
dating her at 16 till she died when i was 22
* work : putting a mask everyday.... working for food and paying
rent
* social : nothing but staring at a screen and masterbating
**"Life is a gift "** , yeah right ....
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self.depression
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When your boyfriend is your only friend and something is making you sad and paranoid about your relationship but you have no one to talk with so your brain keeps chanting KILL YOURSELF! KILL YOURSELF! It’s not even that big of a deal. It’s miscommunication at best and he probably doesn’t care but I’m freaking out and want to die 🙃
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self.depression
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Im waving around a bleeding open wound (credit to fiona apple) I talked about trauma all day on reddit and to my friends and my therapist.
I can't stop crying. The things that happened to me. I dont feel bad for me at this age, I feel so sad for that 12 year old girl. I mean bad things happened at 5, then 11, then 12, then 13, then more at 13, then at 21, then at 22.
I dont want to describe it all, but what Im dealing with in therapy is scratching the surface at 12 when my house was broken into while I was home with a friend and my baby brother. The man thought I lived in a whorehouse and we were prostitutes. I was 12 and my friend 13.
It was awful and terrible. I really learned to fight that day. I feel like sometimes I get misunderstood, because I come off as aggressive sometimes. Well when I'm fighting what I think is right?
That day was a turning point maybe for my personality? I dunno. That was the day I learned to fight. And I don't feel bad for 33 year old me, I feel bad for 12 year old me that fought off a man who wanted to rape young teens. I feel bad for that little girl that didn't have a mom that really helped her understand the feelings after. The next year I was flashed by a man and my mom didnt believe me. I can see it as if it was today. I can see the man, what he was wearing, I can see it all.
I just opened the waterworks trauma center and I cant stop
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self.bipolar
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Thank YOU for making it another year! Keep Fighting. We can do this.
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self.depression
|
One of my hardest days in years. Need some validation from someone who understands. Very anxious day. Electricity running through me all day. That knot of tangled thread in my stomach being pulled in all directions. The thoughts that my obstacles are insurmountable. Muscular tension. Inability to focus. Circling the (YES) bubble on “do you think you would be better off dead” on my therapists’ behavior screener for the first time since being a depressed child 15+ years ago.
Tears and tears and tears.
(I am not going to hurt myself. It was a passing thought but I think it’s important to say it out loud. Mental health stigma is really bugging me these days).
I was really impacted by something else that happened in the waiting room. There was an older man with what appeared to be a caregiver. The caregiver was reading to him the questionnaire that all patients complete. She read them out loud and he responded verbally while she marked it in the page. She asked him the question I circled (YES) to above. He paused for almost thirty seconds, and said the most despondent “sometimes”. He sounded so hopeless, and it broke my heart. I worry that could be me.
I decided to do something about it today, and I’m making space in my life to focus on my own miserable anxious self. Things have gotta change.
Laid down to try and do an anti-anxiety meditation to calm my body. Put my blanket over my face, started to inhale, exhale, very slowly. It felt so peaceful. As I felt this peace rise within me, I also felt as if a wave of sadness was released. I was relieved and sobbing simultaneously. Peace and pain radiated through me. The peace subsided 30 minutes ago. The tears did not. The dread and depression crept in. The pain got deeper and deeper. It’s like I’m screaming inside my own body, but I can’t make a sound. Silent terror, on deaf, helpless ears. Like screaming for help into an abyss.
I know this is all my disability. I know how to view it rationally. But holy shit emotions overpower rationality. I don’t need encouragement that things will be ok, etc. I need to know that someone else feels like me. That someone else, despite their logical knowledge, cannot stop these constant waves and all the stupid, silly, untrue, harmful, and disempowering thoughts from creeping in between the cracks of rationality.
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self.Anxiety
|
Redditors with bipolar, what happens to you when you smoke weed ? A normal high? Or something different ?
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self.bipolar
|
I wouldn’t consider myself a suicidal person, but I sometimes entertain the thought of being wiped from the timeline. My family, my friends, I care about all of them. Very deeply. But I’m a ghost. Its funny, I’m typing all this out with a smile on my face. I’m in a great mood, had a fun day, played some video games online with my brother, had lunch with my sister, spent a bit of time with my roommates. I love all of them very much, but they don’t know they’re talking to a ghost. I’m alive, I’m somewhat happy in a way, but I haven’t been entirely “here” in a long time. It’s like a part of me is somewhere else, a far away place I’ll never reach. I have lived in this depression for so long that it’s become my home, it’s not something I think I can escape anymore. It’s an old friend, always here, not always making it’s presence obvious. But it’s there. It’s always been there. My one constant companion.
If you read this to the end, thank you. Goodnight everyone. May lovely dreams find you all.
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self.depression
|
What do you guys think of my mom... I was taking a shower and was deep in thoughts when I realised something that I never did before, my mom was pretty strict. When I was much younger, maybe like 5-10 years, I realised that my mom didn't buy me any toys, she refused too. As such, I had a pretty boring childhood as I stayed at home doing nothing much. Well as I grew older and started to develop a passion for gaming, my mom refused to buy me any electronics too, which sucked as most of my friends were enjoying their time with their nintendos and what not.(it was the age of technology and I was pretty backward haha) As I got even older and got more into fashion sense, I asked my mom to buy me those nice clothes(not expensive ones) she again, refused. I offered to use my savings but still she did not allow. I recall the only things she ever always bought for me were food items and certain books. I didn't go out much either because I had little friends to talk about things and my mom wasnt really a 'let your kid go outdoors and play' kind of person. Life was pretty boring back then and im guessing it's attributed to the way my mom semi-controlled my life. Keep in mind that this is just my mom, not my dad. This is also mainly based off products and not really lifestyle but still, it contributes greatly. Hence, I can't tell if it's good parenting because that way I don't get influenced by all the bad stuff that youngsters get into, bad parenting because it limits the boundaries of the definition of 'fun' in my life. Or just typical, like most parents. I don't know, what do you guys think? Just wanted to get this off my chest.
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self.offmychest
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How to stay energised after a diet change? Hi!
I've been a long-time lurker here and thought to make this a separate post to potentially help others in my situation.
I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder five years ago, but due to an enzyme deficiency/digestive system disorder I've been advised not to take any medication for my anxiety.
I've managed with therapy and meditation and lately I've been changing my diet to not include coffee, caffeinated beverages or much sugar but now, largely free from panic and anxiety attacks (I'm down to one a week), I've come to be absolutely drained from energy. I feel very sleepy all the time.
I exercise almost daily.
Does anyone have any idea about how I can keep my energy up throughout the day?
Thank you for your time!
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self.Anxiety
|
Insurance sent a letter saying no more Latuda I got a one month supply of Latuda. I've been on it for 2 weeks and it's made a difference. I've tried 13 other drugs and this one has been the best. I got a letter telling me to try 6 other atypical (really 5, I already tried abilify) before they'll pay for Latuda again. I'm upset. I'm going to try to petition it but I'm so sad it might not work out because of payment. I really like it. The 350 calories is a pain but a glass of chocolate milk using whole milk and a banana might work better than 5 handfuls of nilla wafers. Man, this sucks.
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self.bipolar
|
Hallucinations make fantastic plots for bedtime stories Last Friday, I was at an offsite for work. It was a conference thing with lots of people doing presentations. During the third talk of the morning, I started to see things that weren't there. At first, it was small things. The hair of the people in front of me turned blue and green. I chalked it up to the projector in the back of the room, but realized it wasn't showing anything of those colors. I knew that the people had normal hair. Two of them were upper management. I realized I was hallucinating. I tried drinking coffee, drinking some water, and chewing gum to concentrate, but it wasn't working. More people had colored hair.
The picture of grapevines behind the presenter turned into a green striped tiger ready to pounce out of the frame. The music speaker on the wall turned into a robot with the wooden trim planks as arms and legs. He was dancing, but was stuck on the wall because the speaker was attached. He was still dancing by the time the presenter was done. Thankfully, there was a break after, and I had time to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes to calm down. I'm not quite sure what happened, but it was weird. Things were back to normal by the time I got back to the room.
My 3 year old overheard me telling my husband about the hallucinations. She asked me to tell her the story about the green tiger in the picture frame before bed tonight.
|
self.bipolar
|
No one loves me for me Everyone wants me to be someone I'm not. I'm a good person who tries to be nice and fun but I guess I'm not doing a good enough job, and I guess the fact that I'm trying doesn't help.
I kinda just wish I was dead. I'm tired of disappointing people and not being good enough. I'm good enough for me but self love can only fill so much of this void. I want to know I'm worth being loved, that someone will love me despite my flaws.
22 years and no one has done that for me. Why can't anyone love me. 😞 I want to die. The worst people have a bunch of people that love them, and when I'm sad I just cry alone to myself because I know no one cares. I want a comforting touch once in a while and I want to not constantly worry about those I love hating me or leaving me.
Idk what to do. I want it so badly but it never comes. Why live if I can't experience what everyone else gets to experience? I should just get it over witj, it'll be the last time I'll disappoint someone at least. The burden of pretending to like me out of pity will be off of everyone's shoulders. People can live without me in the way.
I'm just a charity case..
I'm in so much pain. Why can't each day for me be filled with love and not pain. I give out so much and don't receive anything back. Why? What makes me so terrible and unlovable? I can't understand. 😞
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self.depression
|
Lyrics I recite to myself when I’m feeling awful... [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I feel as if I cannot talk to people [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Nothing has ever been right Nothing has gone right in my life.My mother is blind in one eye & needs someone to take care of her.My father is a paranoid schizophrenic who has never had a job.I've lived in poverty for the majority of my life.I lived with my parents until I was 25 because I couldn't support myself.I moved across the country in 2012 to CA to take control of my life,to be free.My mother constantly begs me to "come back home" because she is lonely,miserable & controlling.Both my brothers are men with the mindset of a child.One year younger than me is in prison & the youngest brother got a DUI this year after beating up my mother on & off.My youngest brother & his girlfriend forced my Mom to move because the landlord refused to renew her lease this year because of the brother & girlfriend.To this day I feel that these sick people will never let me be free.When will I be free....in death?I'm focused on a career in the performing arts.I really don't want to do anything else in my life.I will never be happy or successful....or a Size 2....or married to a sexy British actor like Michael Fassbender.
I cant bear to see 2018 as another year of nothing.Waiting for adult Asperger's testing.I'm tired of being poor.I hate waking up in the morning because its another day where I'm nothing.I'm tired of never having what I need.I'm tired of my cracked molars that Medicaid wont pay for a root canal for.I'm tired of homeless men in my neighborhood harassing me while I can't even get one decent man in a decent rich area to take a chance on me.If you are poor & dare to look at a rich man then you're a gold digger.I just want a better life.If you aren't Donald Trump or Mitt Romney with a rich inheritance your life sucks,period.I'm tired of being a lazy sack of failure.I'm tired of being the family bank because one of my two brothers has spent the last 9 yrs in prison,since age 19,because of armed robbery.He got tired of a life with no future in the south.I'm the oldest in yrs but youngest in mentality & power in the family.I'm deaf in my right ear & tinnitus that will never go away.I have hair that turns curly the second moisture hits it so I wear a satin scarf all the time.I'm half Black & half Arab but can't escape the curse of internalized racism.I know its wrong to think that way but society pushes straight blond hair,Size 2 dresses & soprano voices.The only black male role model I had was my father who couldn't lift his family out of poverty.
I'm tired of everything....maybe I am a drifter but I wont be dictated what to do in my life just because people with money make homelessness illegal.It is not illegal to sleep at night.It is not illegal to be a human being.
All I want is a successful acting career,a modest home in the Hollywood Hills & someone like Michael Fassbender,Taron Egerton or Dan Stevens to love me.I will never have anyone close to their greatness.I just turned 30 on Dec 9th & I will never have any of them.I've never been kissed.I've never had a boyfriend.I've never has a husband.I have my controlling family to thank for that.They have the crab bucket mentality at its worst.Because I am alone however lonely for the right kind of man,not the wrong one,I talk to myself when I'm alone about everything.I am not schizophrenic,just anxious,depressed & a failure in all things.Because I am anxious around people.Because thanks to my pathetic upbringing I have no idea how to be a human being.Because I used to be 125 lbs but now I am 150 lbs & can't change that because everything has carbs.
I can't bear January 1st because its another year that I'm the same sack of failure.I just want this painful existence to end.I need an eraser for myself.Nothing has ever panned out for me.I don't want to hear that things will change or Hallmark platitudes.They say that you can work yourself out of anything.
That is not true.
And yes,I am a woman.
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self.depression
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I'm going to kill myself tonight So basically for over a year now I've had depression, it started of mild and cope able but now i have to self harm to cope and no one understands how hard my life is for me. I also love this girl and she doesn't love me back and that kills me inside as i would do anything for her, i know it sounds stupid but to me its enough for me to end my own life. Goodbye i hope none of you have to do what i'm gonna do
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self.depression
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Friendship! So once again looking for friends , people to talk to in all walks at life. Im a M/22 from california big nerd and just need to branch out a bit dont have much friends thinking of starting a discord for the reddit if people would be down to engage with fellow feelers
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self.depression
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Had a stressful day, now hangover? Yesterday I had to go into the office (I work from home) and meet with my Director. I was so stressed since I hadn’t been in the office in so long and because of the meeting.
I requested the meeting and I had an agenda. We went off the agenda and it went 30 minutes over. I think it went good because originally I had asked for a meeting once a month and he said to schedule them every 2 weeks. So I think I didn’t bomb it.
Last night when I got home I kept overthinking every minute of it and got the worst headache I’ve had in a long time.
Today I feel like I’m having a hangover. All I can think about how my son will remember that his mom was always sick growing up. I didn’t get him a fancy overwatch cake and his birthday is next week. I’m a burden to my husband. I ate a bunch of candy. I’m just feeling down.
Has anything happened to anyone else? You get a hangover of sadness after a stressful day?
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self.bipolar
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My therapists advice doesn't work, what am i meant to do to get better? I've been struggling with mental health problems for, well realistically probably most my life. I'm 22 now. I've done various therapies and counselling, anything I could get my hands on since the age of 16 which actually hasn't been that much really. I'm just finishing a group cbt course for low self esteem, the group has involved lots of activities and homeworks and trying to work out your unhealthy patterns etc, and I've put in all the work. The thing is I just put in the work and I don't get the results, I feel worse than at the start of the course, the behavioural experiments have left me drained and anxious, telling myself I'll work for 5 minutes has not given me any increase in motivation as I just end up stopping straight after and still having got nothing done, I wrote a love letter to myself but it's painful to read and does not cheer me up. I can't help but feel like I've wasted a lot of energy on this, and feel frustrated that I don't know what to do to get better. I don't want to be mental forever but it just seems so likely. I was so hopeful at the start of this course, now what? Back to doing it without support. I'm willing to try things I don't like and be persistent and really go for it with recovery, but it just doesn't seem to be making any difference.
**TL;DR: I'm dissilusioned with therapy and feel lost and helpless.**
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self.depression
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Has anyone else sort of given up, and you're okay with it? Not like you want to die, or like you can't get out of bed. I know those too. Nothing harmful or worrisome. But a fully burnt-out feeling, a huge silent so-what at the universe. Like: okay I have nothing better to do, so I'll go through the motions, best I can. And the universe never answers, still you do it. And that's cool, man. Because there's no other game in town.
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self.bipolar
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DAE feel this way? Is this anxiety related? Usually at night, especially on days when I stayed in and didn’t do much, I get this feeling like I’m lost and scared, like the world doesn’t make sense to me and I just want to be back living with my parents when it did make sense. I almost feel like I’m not human. Doing some exercises or talking to someone usually helps, and I’ve read a bit about depersonalization and stuff and it’s leading me to wonder if these feelings are anxiety related. It’s truly awful. It’s like I need to reconnect with life or something. And it freaks me the hell out.
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self.Anxiety
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Depressed and ugly as sin I thought I was real ugly for a long time while depressed, since I don't get dates or hit on or anything, but no one would give advice that was anything other than "oh, but you're so handsome!", or "you'll meet the right one one day!". I recently sent in my pics to amiugly and photofeeler, and was called ugly in both of them. How exactly do I cope knowing for sure that when I walk around people see me and go "ew" in their heads? Before I only suspected that was happening, now I know its true.
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self.depression
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Depressed as fuck and trying so hard to improve my life starting with the basics. Now the internet is going to get throttled and [deleted]
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self.depression
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Do any of you feel really anxious/self-aware when you are forced to walk through a group of people? It’s like if you were trying to get into the grocery store but 5 or so people are huddled at the door talking and staring at you as you walk up. Now I know they are probably not really staring at me but I can’t help but feel so self conscious and small. Sometimes I’ll even wait til they disperse. I’ve been trapped in my apartment for long periods of time waiting for people to get away from my door.
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self.Anxiety
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Question about brain “alterations” from antipsychotics, especially others that quit because of side effects. **Edit**
Sorry, I stupidly forgot to link to anything I’m talking about.
[Link to the 2013 statement by Former NIMH Director Thomas Insel: Antipsychotics: Taking the Long View](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/directors/thomas-insel/blog/2013/antipsychotics-taking-the-long-view.shtml)
It links to studies. I can supply more, but, it’s all possibilities. Nothing concrete ... at least from what I know.
**Original**
So, pdoc keeps pushing me to quit Lithium, and move to Vraylar.
My biggest problem with taking antipsychotics is the research stating they alter the brain in such a way that the person then has to keep taking antipsychotics for life.
I’m okay with that, as long as the med is effective, and I am able to keep taking it. And Latuda was absolutely amazing for me, so I’m open to taking Vraylar if it’s just as amazing.
**But,** I couldn’t take Latuda for more than a few months. The akathisia side effect just kept worsening, even while the pdocs kept feeding me benzos and beta blockers like candy.
Anyways, I quit, and I still don’t know if 3 months was long enough to alter my brain.
So, I worry that Vraylar could be just as great as Latuda, and without problems.
**But** ... one year later ... the akathisia pops up out of nowhere, and forces me to quit ... but then I have to get back on Vraylar because I soon find out my brain was too far altered by it, and then I have to the Shake N’ Bakes for life. Anyone that’s had the “pleasure” of experiencing akathisia knows why I’m terrified of that possibility.
Anyways, is this a rational or irrational worry?
It’s hard for me to find any good results. I keep ending up with two different results:
(1) Either they’re biased to downplay and deny this problem, so people who need antipsychotics won’t stop taking their meds ...
(2) Or, they’re biased against the pharmaceutical industry, stating the companies are the devil, and only wants to hook people on worthless pills.
Personally, I’m guessing the truth is somewhere in the middle. But, I don’t know anymore. The reports about shrinking gray matter, changing white matter ... I don’t know.
I would love to hear your experiences. Any thoughts or advice is also greatly appreciated.
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self.bipolar
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How to make a suicide look like an accident? Not looking for attention, or life advice haha I'm too far gone. Just looking for some ideas on how to make my death look the most like an accident as possible. I'm thinking about an overdose, I've never done drugs before, don't know who or where to go to. Any tips on finding a drug dealer when you have the social skills of a tortoise? PM me
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you deal with your depression? I am feeling depressed for 13 years now, I am afraid I will never be truely happy and I don't know how I can deal with the fact that my life is not worth living without that which makes me happy -women.
I just don't know how many years I can go through being this lonely, no girlfriend, no friends and a job I hate as well as my co-workers. I just hate my life and it never seems to get better, it just gets worse by the day.
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self.depression
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Meds for anxiety? Hey guys. I'm 21 and I've been dealing with anxiety for quite a while now. It has actually improved a lot since I was in high school, but it's still pretty bad sometimes. My voice is shaky sometimes, it cracks (I believe this is from anxiety, not 100% sure), and I have a strong fear of public speaking. I know a fear of public speaking is common, but mine is on a different level. When I get ready to take exams, my brain freezes because of my anxiety (i still do well on them), and it's harder to think. When I do interviews people ask me questions I'm prepared for, but I can't say what I really want because of my anxiety. I'm sure some of you experience all of this or have at some point.
This leads me to my question.. do meds for anxiety work well? What's your experience with them?
Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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Don't know the reason for my depression. I've been feeling depressed for a long,long time but never diagnosed.
The thing is, i don't know WHY I'm feeling this way. Why I'm always tired, always sad and frequently have suicidal thoughts. I have a great family who has always been supportive, an amazing girlfriend and even some friends who i semi-regularly talk to and hang out and got a job and car.
So from the outside, i would have no reason to be depressed, right? Well i fucking feel like a trainwreck. Recently it's only gotten worse, have no motivation, don't enjoy anything that i used to, even talking is tiring and so i've become very quiet and boring, because honestly i can't be bothered to keep a conversation/ don't have anyhing to add to it. My self-esteem is basically non-existent and so is my libido.
And the fact that i'm still depressed when i'm actually doing ok, knowing there are people out there with far more serious issues and plenty more reasons to be depressed makes me feel even worse. Logically, i have no reason to feel this way, so WHY the fuck have i been miserable for so long?
I need to know if anybody else is in my boat. I've been browsing this subreddit for quite a while but never posted anything, seeing how most of you have legitimate reasons for your depression and i would just feel like a poser.
I'm sorry for the long text, i felt like i needed to get this off my chest and online is pretty much the only place i can freely talk about my problems, but i have problems talking about my thoughts and feeling towards other people.
So tell me, does anyone else feel the same as i do?
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self.depression
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What exciting, yet anxiety-inducing thing are you looking forward to this week? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Anybody else just shut down and start freaking out for the future? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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When to call the hotline? Where is the line? Don’t know where to post this - /r/Depression or /r/Anxiety and the I found this place. I don’t know why I feel like I’m drowning now. I thought my meds were working. Now I don’t think they are and it just seems like I should get off them because everything is dulled. I can’t cry though my eyes are constantly filled with tears. I feel the weight of anxiety at my back, but that will always be there. I have no motivation, I hAve no drive. I have nothing.
I’ve had lingering passive suicidal ideation for years. What would it be like to run my car into a wall or off a bridge? What if there were an accident or a shooting? Something that wasn’t me, but would just make it stop. I’ve thought about how many pills it would take or how I could never split my wrists open. I wouldn’t do that to my family and as much as I am down on my life I am scared of not waking up the next day. The unknowing and mystery that is death terrifies me almost as much as life itself. Because maybe it could get better. But maybe it won’t and I’m just prolonging the mystery that is my life.
Some days I’m so sad that conversation is difficult and my carefully crafted facade starts to weaken. I don’t think anyone knows how far deep I am in. I can’t even tell my psych for fear of getting baker acted. Which sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be so bad, just to escape for a few days, but the stigma and the cost and the explanations and people misjudging how I really feel or finally being called crazy. And like I said, I’m not a threat to myself or others. Sometimes I just obsess over this idea of no more pain. In those little moments where I have nothing else to occupy my thoughts with. Staring aimlessly into space and realizing that I want to cry and scream and how worthless I feel. How I want to throw in the towel and make it stop. Tbh I would rather just pack up and leave. But I can’t escape myself. It’s almost as if I know I was gone I know only anhand few of people would care. Those who I think should would move on quickly. That makes me sad. I want to have a lasting impression on the world and the time for that is slowly dwindling. I’m not longer making a mark, but am merely a shadow.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Small Victory Saturday 9.30.17 Whether you got out of bed or your wildest dreams came true, you did something this week. What did you achieve? Let's celebrate our small (and big) victories together =)
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self.bipolar
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I'll end it tomorrow Just want to stop crying everyday and escape from my life. Tomorrow should give me enough time to prepare. It would be better for me and others if I was gone. No one would miss me...
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self.SuicideWatch
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BP community, also suffer from PTSD and ADHD-C need your support please I'm 29 years old, struggling to maintain employment, seeing a psych and have tried so many medications, just looking for input with those diagnosed with both ADHD-Combined Type and Bipolar 2. When I saw my last doctor that diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 and didn't treat the ADHD, I still wasn't able to function on high doses of lithium 900 mg with lamictal (gave me hand rash) and serequol (almost gave me a seizure couldn't even walk).
With all those bipolar 2 meds not working, I saw another psych that first treated my major depression with effexor xr 37.5 mg twice daily instead of the lexapro 10 mg that made me super manic few years ago and the SNRI effexor xr in two small doses seems to tackle depression decently, also have xanax 0.25 mg I take for my anxiety with Adderall XR 25 mg once a day. Wellbutrin XL 300 mg was also prescribed to me as it supposively treats ADHD and Bipolar 2. The only other medication recently added was Rexulti 1.0 mg an add-on antipsychotic antidepressant medication that's fairly new and helped tremendously with me asserting myself and just handling things but I also was putting on massive weight and somewhat lethargic. Rexulti has no withdrawals so I am fighting to stay off it and never tried the Latuda samples my psych gave me, but not sure if Rexulti is what I need despite the weight gain but my last job I was too lethargic and careless to get through a full day so I refuse to take it.
I've tried straight D-amphetamine for my ADHD like Dexedrine Spansules 15 mg instead of Adderall XR 25 mg and it wasn't as effective as I'm much more sociable now. My psych is suggesting this new ADHD medication called Mydayis (similar to Adderall XR just lasts longer) so we'll see if I get the Prior Approval, but it's really the Rexulti add-on that changes me the most. It adds an aggression that is good for confidence but morel lethargy. Has anyone been diagnosed with both in my circumstances and had similar medication experiences. Yes, I know we're all unique but I felt this was relevant to share with this BP community to see if anyone can help me navigate what options I haven't looked into possibly before starting my new job on Thursday (can't lose this one and lost the last one assuming because of rexulti, blunted ADHD meds mid-day).
Thank you so much for listening and your input in advance
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self.bipolar
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Bipolar and shrooms Hi just last year I was diagnosed bipolar type II. I'm not really clear on my diagnose since I've never been on a manic state, my psychiatrist says I have hypomania. But the truth is that most of the time I'm really depressed. I get triggered by an ongoing relationship with a friend that used to be my boyfriend but now just see each other from time to time and have sex. We love each other but kind of in a friendly way. This new relationship dinamic that has been going on since December last year, has been a real struggle for me since I really don't want to loose his support and love and sex. It means a lot to me maybe the only thing that keeps me going on. Most of the times we don't talk during the week and I wait for him to talk to me, this makes me very sad and it triggers my depression.
Not long ago I decided that I wanted to do shrooms. 6 years ago I did them but I was naive and a fool, I did a very low dosage and I was a very different person from now, I didn't get very much insight.
Now I would like to consult with magic shrooms, 1 gram to start off.
Last year has been a rollercoaster for the meds. Right now I'm taking 250 mg of lamictal, topamax 25 mg 3 times a day, risperidal 0.5 mg and 200 mg of quietapine.
I'm really open to all suggestions, I'm hoping this can be an eye opening experience that will help me in the future, maybe help me being so dependant on relationships.
I'm thinking about doing this with a friend we would like to do it on a place with lots of nature. The first time I did it was on the woods and I was really happy and connected to the greenery of the forest. Please let me know your opinions
Edit: please so that you may understand a little bit more about my relationship. I do not feel like I'm in a bad relationship. In fact we have a great dinamic and connection and we understand and love each other. We decided to stop labeling as girlfriend/boyfriend because right now it can bring so much stress in this period of our life's. It my case it was making me enter into a very dependant attitude and he was sucking up all of that energy and getting depressed too. So we decided to break up, stop seeing each other with the same frequency, start acting more like friends, and when we see each other indulge in sex as a natural and healthy activity and enjoy or spend some time together watching movie, hiking on the nature. So if you see we have been doing this maybe 2 months or so. We see each other every 2 weeks or 1 week. He tells me that this year's that he is focused on creating and expanding his work not really looking for a girlfriend and I do believe him so when he tells me this. I'm really on the same boat with this, I just got a good paying job, I'm painting, eating healthy, taking my meds, exercising a bit, sleeping on time.
He will be travelling on June maybe to Europe 3 months and it will be tough for me but I think that that time will be a deciding period for me to think things over. I will miss him very much but it will make me a tougher woman I'm 28 but sometimes I still feel like a little afraid girl. I'm still very positive that everything will turn all right and that even with him or without him I'm going to be okay. Today I woke up in a good mood. :)
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self.bipolar
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Dad's mad at me again I almost got out of depression after 2 suicide attempts. Dad's been actinf weird and screaming at me n blaming me whenever something goes wrong its somehow my fault. Im just looking for someone to talk too.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else have small bursts of happiness? About 70% of the time I feel like usual... kind of empty. Some days are better, some worse; on the bad days I have to force myself to pretend to smile and enjoy things, but I'm not actively suffering. Still pretty shitty. There's a good 10% of the time I have an awful sadness/hopelessness I can't quite put into words... like if my gut was sliced open but instead of blood and entrails spilling out, it was my aspirations for the future, any shred of self worth I ever had.
The other 20% of the time is what perplexes me. I'll be making my way through life like usual, and some passing thought or image will make me feel this huge surge of pure joy. I literally feel high on life and happy to just have the privelege to exist in the world. I want to go do things to my best capabilities, I want to meet people. Usually this feeling doesn't last for more than a few hours or days, but sometimes it can be longer - I was riding a wave of this kind of joy for a few months before my more recent bout of depression.
I don't know where it comes from, or why. It certainly helps get me back on my feet when I've been really down, but it also makes slipping back into depression sting that much worse. Anyone else experience anything similar?
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self.depression
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20 y/o leaving country for first time to study abroad [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Stupid question. Am i really depressed if i wasnt diagnosed with it? Its not like doctor said im not depressed, but i just havent been to one.
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self.depression
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One Person One person wished me a merry Christmas. one person wished me a happy new year. one person called to see if I was doing anything. He is literally my only friend. He knows I am depressed, but I don't think he realizes how much better he made me feel just by calling. I just wanted to say that if you know someone who is depressed/lonely, call them and let them know you care, it would mean a lot to them.
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self.depression
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I just want to stop fighting my own psyche. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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When your episodes fucks up your life I am on my way out of a long lasting depressive episode (around a year), and the "better" I get the more I realize how much I have fucked up.
I started a PhD in cancer research, a year and a half ago I was on top of the world, did great in both my former job and my new PhD position, everyone around me said I was on the right path and that I would do great in science.
Since then, I have been diagnosed with bipolar, acted like a total weirdo for months, sorta randomly quit my PhD, this led to bad references and a gap in my CV. Its not a big science environment in my city, and it is very competitive. I doubt I will be able to get a new job or PhD fellowship.
I am at a loss of what to do. I LOVED science. I did great. Now they are medicating away my highs, which was a lot of the reasons why I did so great (BP II). I don't think I can manage such a job with the long hours, high job unsecurity, and constant pressure to perform anymore. In school I did good as I could do most stuff from home, do a lot when I was up high, and chill out when things got bad. Every time I get a job where I have to perform well every day I fail.
Anyone been through this? How do you solve this?
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self.bipolar
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Looking for a purpose I don't get it. It feels like my life has no meaning. I was really unstable for most of this year and now I'm probably the most "sane" I've ever been. But the only purpose I could find the only thing that made me push through the B's was my friends and now that they're gone it feels like I'm without purpose. There's nothing I really want to do. No dreams or ambition's. It makes me sad.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing makes me happy and i don’t know how to fix it.. I feel like I’m drowning.
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self.depression
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Why are people who are obsessed with video games such insufferable people compared to people with other obsessions/interests? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I feel empty. I don't want to live but i don't want to neck myself. All i want is to live. To be happy. My life is so slow and nothing is happening, so i may as well kill myself. Its one day after another and nothing is happening. I am so fucking angry and sad that i feel nothing. I want a job, I want to move out, I want to finish uni, but i can't because i'm too young. Time to me is torture and it's chipping at my already dead soul like a cancer. I want to live my life but if i can't i'm going to neck. Please reply if you have any ideas on what I can do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Would this be rapid cycling? So what happens is I’ll have a hypomania last 3 to 4 days, followed by a couple days
Of stability, then a mixed state for another couple days, then a week of depression. I am medicated but this has been happening for like 2 years. I don’t know what to do. I’m at the tail end of depression and I know it’s going to happen again. I’m considered Bipolar 1. I never reach full blown mania but I was close during my last hypomanic state.
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self.bipolar
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I don't get why I haven't been able to find someone special [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Be careful of telephone spoofers who say you're eligible for extra benefits with your insurance [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Once I slip into the 'oneitis' mental - that's it. ...I no longer see girls for the bad decision-making organ cupboards of flesh that they are.
I put them on a pedestal so fucking high you could base-jump off it and land safely on the Taipei Tower with more clearance than Danny Devito's hairline.
Man, I've just started a temp position (retail) for a few months with an inkling of probability of being 'kept on'.
Me and this gal talked for about 10 minutes on our way out of the store and ever since then my mind is training for back-to-back marathons and catastrophizing every damn syllable uttered.
My brain routine:
"We got on so well then. Great, I can be happy for 2 weeks!"
2 weeks later:
"Okay, it's wearing off. I will try and talk to her... but what if she thinks I'm 'shy' because I haven't spoke to her..."
Repeat Ad-nauseam.
It seems I am content with just verbally pursuing ladies and never converting that into anything remotely platonic/romantic.
I write shit down like a loser for ideas on shit to ask her (I am such a try-hard, by the way) and I was caught off guard today and bumped into her and a bit of small-talk crept up on us and I feel small-talk is regressive from the point we were at the 2 weeks prior.
Infatuation. Happens to me.
I never used to be so...
Lame.
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self.depression
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Staring a new job friday, stressed AF. Need advice. So I start this new job this Friday(Yay). I am very exited. But I'm stressed and anxious AS FUCK!!! This is why: I'll be operating forklifts and some kind of loader trucks, which I never did before. They say they will show me how, which is good. But every time I learn something new for a job or at school, I get very anxious and I'm just afraid to screw everything up. It can be common I guess, but I never felt that anxious about something related to work. I feel this is just a small snowball, which will get bigger with anxiety and eventually will make me screw up big time. Right now it's my only option as a job, so the "well you got yourself into the wrong environment" comment is not what I need. Maybe someone who does/did this kind of job can share a little bit of knowledge on that?
How can I stop that strong anxiety? What are your tips or routine to prevent losing your shit? I try to take deep breaths and just think positive but I still feel stressed. Exercise as well ain't enough. Please help, and thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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I've realise I can't take any action in life because I see the world like the skeleton organ from The Goonies. For anyone who's never seen The Goonies (or if it's been a while since you've seen it):
one of the traps the kids come to is a stone chamber, with the door leading onwards sealed, and a pipe organ made from human bones. On the back of their map is a music score that they have to play on the organ to open the door. Only one of them has ever taken piano lessons, and that was over ten years ago.
Oh, and did I mention that every time she plays the wrong note, part of the floor drops out?
I've come to realise I can't take any action in life because that's how I view the world. I'm too afraid to play any note, because it could be the wrong one that sends me falling to my death.
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self.offmychest
|
Looking for advice on overcoming task anxiety When I have something to do I get very stressed and avoid doing it for as long as possible, even if it’s something I want to do. The worst is filling out forms, sending emails or taking care of basic household chores. What has worked for you to overcome these avoidant tendencies?
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self.Anxiety
|
Ennui It's really hard for me to NOT write an essay about this topic. My thoughts are everywhere, and they are nowhere. Like some electron cloud, each idea following a crazy orbit all its own, uninterrupted by others.
But, I don't really understand this whole "life" thing. I mean, I'm sure that almost nobody does--but in particular, I don't see the point. Human beings are mayflies: they're born, they spend 70-some years doing and crying about all of these fantastic nothings that won't matter, then they die. Even the great moments of history are only relevant in a very vague and general sense.
I'm gonna digress if I dwell on that, though.
I don't feel like anything is worth it. No matter how much I love or enjoy the idea of something, my motivation is crushed by how Sisyphean everything is; I'm tired of the mundane trappings of our lives, and how we've made the concept of life into an ongoing chore.
I've posted it in few other places, but if there were an "Quit Game" button...
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self.depression
|
God I don’t know what to do... I lost my job today. I didn’t even get to talk to anyone and plead my case. I lost my health insurance, which I need for my seizures, my asthma, and my depression. I have no way to pay my car payment. My parents are so stressed my mom has been yelling and worried for an hour now.
Also, I was needing some seizure meds, which without I WILL have one. Turns out, they aren’t coming in the mail like I though. I had to reapply in January, but no one bothered to tell me or tell me that’s it’s not coming. I’m going to have a seizure. My mom doesn’t know yet. She will be mad and yell at me.
I don’t know what to do. Everything went to shit so suddenly. I want to kill myself. I just don’t want to be yelled at anymore. I want to die. Please let me die.
What’s the point? Life isn’t worth it. There is no happiness in anything. Fuck it. I don’t know how I’ll do I though. There are train tracks near my house. Maybe I’ll take a nap on some tracks.
Edit: I also broke my hand a while ago and as my mom said (more like screamed at the top of her lungs): They won’t hire someone with a broken fucking hand.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
when should I get help for anxiety? I've been really anxious for a few weeks now. I can barely get out of my bed. I am almost always late for school and started to self-harm again.
I don't know if I should get help or not.
I feel like my problems are so stupid and it's really hard for me to talk about them face to face.
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self.Anxiety
|
Why is having a friend too much to ask for? I’m tired of always feeling so alone. It’s so tiring to pretend everyday that I’m happy. I just want someone I can be honest with. I’ve tried everything: joining clubs, talking to people, working hard to attract people, I even help everyone out with their work. I just want someone that I can be honest with. Someone I can share my achievements with and bond with over little things. I don’t know why that’s too much to ask for. I just want a fucking friend.
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self.depression
|
DMT for bipolar depression So... Sorry if this isn't the most coherent, I'm not very educated. Don't give me a hard time please.
I was taking 300 mg bupropion, 80 mg latuda and lithium (300 mg bid and 450 mg in the mornings) but then I had a breakdown, cut and bruised myself and lost my meds. My doctor took me off of everything except the lithium. Maybe I was overmedicated or something, because I feel fine now that I only take one med. I even quit smoking pot thank God because it was making me extremely depressed and unmotivated.
So my question is... Has anyone tried DMT while on lithium and did you have any negative physical reactions like seizures, heart palpitations, etc?
The scholarly article online, with the physician who self medicated blah blah blah... I have read over the abstract and didn't find it helpful due to the other meds he was taking, the frequency of his use and a couple other factors. What I want is anecdotal evidence from a variety of people.
I have the dmt. I'm going to smoke it tonight. Probably before this post is approved, and I'll hit y'all back with the results in case you're curious. That being said, there really isn't enough good info online. Especially from people who have done it themselves. I hope I can be a guinea pig for a good cause.
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self.bipolar
|
How can I cope with selling my stuff and rude customers? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I'll be having my first almost sleepover this weekend at the age of 20. My entire life I've had social anxiety. My friends would come and go and next to all would leave. Because of this, in my 20 years of living, I've only been to a friend's house maybe 20 times max but I would never sleep over.
A sleepover is every little girls dream. Getting to go over to her friends house to watch Disney, paint her nails and play outside. But thanks to my social anxiety, I never got to have this.
So this weekend, my best friend is celebrating her birthday and will be getting a hotel. A hotel with a friend will be the closest I've ever had to a sleepover.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety when getting rid of unused items Hi everyone. I had severe depression and moderate anxiety (I'm assuming it's moderate because some of the symptoms of it may be depression) and I get very upset when donating or selling even small things. I think of all the fun times or if it's something someone else bought me I think about the thought that went into it so therefore I want to keep it.
Problem is, I do this with a lot of stuff so I end up keeping things that I know are insignificant but it's in memory of s good time.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is it worth it? Sorry for long post, i'm just venting
I'm going through a really tough time in my life right now that i'm now too depressed to even go to school or do work. I go to online school because every time I try to go to regular school I freak out and start hyperventilating and crying because of past extreme bullying. I want to try to do therapy again and maybe get some meds as well since a year ago when I left the hospital. The problem is that my parents are extremely supportive. Even though I've been struggling for years with this, they still believe that its "all in my head" and I just simply need to "stop being so fucking negative" They think that I think that everything is a joke and i'm doing all this for attention or something. My mom told me that all my problems are invalid because she deals with the same things I do but worse because she a mom, that becoming an adult means that you have to learn how to cope with simple "stress" and "sadness" That her and everyone has to go through. She said that this is not a way to get out of schooling and that i'm selfish because what I'm going through is affecting everyone not just me and I have to just stop.
They're worried that when I go i'll say to much and throw me into the hospital again they did three time already. I just don't know how to get through to them, they think that I think that this is all a game! I've already tried to end my life 7 times already and I only turned 16 a month ago. There's no joking at all, but all my family thinks i'm a nuisance and i'm just crazy. Just because I'm sad all the time and depressed everyone can run over me, and I can't help it, that's just how it is! Is it even worth i o go see one. I know I should lie about how i'm feeling but I don't want them to throw me in the hospital again. My parents don't take my problems seriously and will bad mouth me to the therapist like the do every time making things worse. Is there a way I can see them myself or am I too young? Idk what to do.
|
self.depression
|
I am useless. I do not want to live. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I put a shotgun in my mouth on christmas eve and it clicked but didn't fire I haven't told anyone. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm so far below the poverty line I can't SEE it any more I have no money to pay my bills. The government help I can get will only pay half of it, and my family say they can't help me. I'm applying for so many jobs right now.
I just want to die I have gone through so much shit in my life I can't take it any more. I have done almost 37 years of this. No more.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm going to kill myself in about 4 hours [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Is there any reason to live? Its getting harder and harder to get a decent job that pays a living wage. So i think i will end up homeless. Is there a reason to live if you don't have a future? No?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Overdosing on Benzos? Is combining benzos with alcohol effective for suicide? (I have access to Xanax and Lorazepam & Whiskey) A friend told me a while ago, that the combination is dangerous, but will this work?
|
self.depression
|
I hate how as soon as you think things are getting better, depression hits again Things were starting to go well for me. Not peach perfect, but good enough to pass. My mood was up, I was starting to set goals and work towards them. I stopped coming to this sub.
Then all of a sudden the depression hit again. Now I'm anxious, scared, and back down in the pit. I fucking hate this cycle.
|
self.depression
|
Feeling helpless Hi, I'm writing because my feelings of hopelessness and suicidal ideation are pretty high and I am having a hard time keeping myself together. For context, it's my finals week and I just missed a deadline for a large assignment. This event has been the straw that broke my back and I feel like I'm spiraling. I have a meeting I need to be at in 20 minutes, and hopefully I will go to check myself in to the ER, but right now I'm hurting and desperately want it to end. I don't have a plan, but if I did pursue this, I'd probably overdose on meds I have at home. I can't call the hotline or textline because I left my phone in someone else's car.
I want so badly to not feel this way, and despite therapy and meds these feelings have persisted and continue to bubble. I don't want to die, I want help and I want to survive but my anxieties and depression as a result of the anxieties are making me sink
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Purpose. I don't want to die but what am I here for.. I don't want to kill myself but what am I here for. I don't really add anything. I just exist to buy things basically. I'm not needed yet I was born and want to exist. I'm not smart enough to make a difference yet here I am. Dull job consuming like a good slave.
|
self.depression
|
Exercise study energy.. having a better morning. I share my desperation...so it's only fair i share my triumph Thank you
|
self.Anxiety
|
I went on a date! I haven't out right said, "I'm bi polar," but I think he gets the picture lol
We were talking about sobriety and I said something about taking pharma drugs and "being perfectly okay with it." Also, I used a term like, "Well, I was manic that year," or something. Just a few things like that.
He's so unphased by it but it's evident he went thru his own hell. He said he knows some alternative stuff if I'm interested and I said, "Nope." Lol he does mediation and yoga. I wish I could write that whole conversation out but I'm lazy - y'all would appreciate how gently he suggested it and how he was totally fine with my "no thank you."
I just wanna put a tally mark on the chalkboard under "People can be cool" and give y'all a bit of hope that not every guy is going to run away screaming from us beepers! Lol
|
self.bipolar
|
Post-social anxiety I just got back from an outing with people from work and I'm having such bad anxiety. I can't stop thinking about whether or not I rambled too much or if I smelled like cigarettes the whole time. I'm also in the process of losing weight after ballooning 50+ lbs since I moved to a new city and all I can think about is if I looked lumpy and gross.
I know I took a first step in actually going out but now all I can think about is how I came off or how shitty I looked or felt or treated anyone and it's making me regret doing this in the first place. Does anyone else ever feel like that?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I really don't know... I don't know what to do anymore.
I've been struggling with this for 8 years hoping things would get better and every time things seem to get better my life takes a 180 and im back to crying waking up and crying going to sleep.
I've waited and waited for things to get better, but they never do. I've been myself, I've been trying to be something else, anything just to get someone to care about me, ask me to hang out, ask me how I'm doing, hell even just text me. Never ends up that way though, does it? I always have to contact first, I got answers, in the beginning. Then they just gradually start ignoring me, and I don't understand why. I try to look at myself from other peoples view and I try changing the things they might find so appaling, to no use.
The thought of suicide stays with me every waking moment, and it has for atleast 3 years, and to be honest I don't know how much more of this complete loneliness I can take before I succumb to my thoughts and end the pain.
I don't really know why I'm even writing this. Probably just to vent knowing that all you really can do is tell me that things are gonna get better when I've already been telling myself that for all these years.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
"Everyone's got a place to be, but there's no room for me" I am suicidal. I have been for several years, ever since my depression started, five years ago (god, I can't believe it's been that long).
I am 19 years old. Beyond that I don't really know where to begin, so much has happened. I'll try to condense it into a singular text window.
I have bullied, and I have been bullied. I've been the victim of abuse, both physical and emotional. I have talked to psychologists, therapists, I have taken medication for anxiety and depression (both of which I've had, and still do) and nothing has worked. I'm at the point where I refuse to believe anything CAN help, not even the people closest to me (I have a few).
And it's.. complicated. The people closest to me are the ones who bullied me. That was over four years ago, and I've forgiven them since- but, I really haven't. I love them, more than any other people in the world because they UNDERSTAND me. But I feel as if I can't really forgive them because they are, atleast part of the reason why I'm here today.
A friend of a friend killed himself two months ago, and it took a toll on him. Even though we haven't discussed it, I can feel it in him. Because he's projecting that fear unto me. He knows of my situation, how I feel, and how close I've come to suicide on multiple occasions (worth mentioning, this friend is not one of the people who bullied me) we've always been close, since childhood. It's come to the point where I think of suicide daily, every moment of every day. When I wake up, when I reluctantly go to school. And I feel bad for him. For my other friends aswell, but mostly for him, because I think he understands now that I am very much capable of committing suicide. Because he didn't think his other friend would, before he did.
For me to explain why I'm here, feeling what I'm feeling would take alot of time. And simply reflecting upon my story, and writing it out here has brought me to tears. Because I've never done it before.
I've felt it for the longest time, and I can't rid myself of it; a growing hatred for humanity. For myself, more than any other person. I wasn't always like this but I despise human contact now, and ironically I don't want to be alone. Every day at school I am alone even though I don't want to be, yet I make no effort not to be. Because that'd involve talking to people, making contact, and I don't want to. It's funny.
I guess I want help from here, which is why I made this post. Or simply to have my story out there for people to read after I'm gone. I do keep a diary where I've documented my feelings this past year, hoping it'd spark change. It hasn't.
Waking up every day with no want or ambition to do anything isn't how life should be lived. I barely eat, I can't sleep at night even though I'm so tired my eyes hurt. I just want a way out of pain, and I'm running out of options.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm not sure I'll make it through the winter. I'm seeing a counselor (MCOUN, LPC-i, NCC) and she's talking about ionization therapy and EMDR.
I was diagnosed with idiopathic peripheral neuropathy. I'm not entirely sure that's what is going on but Medicaid won't cover a second opinion. I don't have a job and I can't walk to find one. I live in a place with my friend's widow and her two kids whom I love but they are shitty and spoiled and she doesn't do anything to discipline them. They keep me awake until all hours. They are constantly banging on the walls. The place is a shithole. I don't remember the last time she cleaned her kitchen. The last time I tried to help clean she gave me the cold shoulder for two weeks. There are always clothes in the washer and dryer. Whenever I tell her I need to do laundry it takes her days to move her laundry.
I am progressively getting worse. I get angry and then I get depressed. I can't talk to anybody because the only thing people offer is saccharine bullshit that comes from a place of no understanding. I'm going further and further down this rabbit hole.
|
self.depression
|
The one little thing I was looking forward to isn’t happening anymore. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My illness would be much more Manageable if I would just change my negative attitude I had a rough start to today. I got to be at work at 6 30 am. I start off today by waking up and looking over at my clock that says its 6 25. I set my alarm clock to 5 20, but it never went off(it would still be buzzing when I woke up if it went up and I somehow slept through it). So obvious thats not good, waking up 5 mins before you shift starts. First thing I do when I wake up is look to see if I didn't set my alarm, I must of not set it since it didn't wake me up right? Well look over at my alarm, and it was set to the correct time, there was no wrongly adjusted volume, ect. it just failed to go off. So I plop out of bed at 6 25 and throw my uniform on and go out the door. I feel miserable, I didn't get my shower, my hair isn't combed, teeth aren't brushed, no breakfast or time to get food to bring. Instead of being grateful that I woke up at 6 25 naturally instead of 8 25 am, I am livid. I am so pissed off that my alarm didn't go off and acting like the world has it out for me because I had a bad start to the day. Didn't even get in trouble for being late. If I would just stop focusing so much on the bad things I bet my mood would be a lot better if I didn't focus so much on every little bad thing that happens.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just hate myself I just hate everything about myself. I just feel disgusted with myself. Don't deserve growing up in a first world-country, don't deserve all the things that I have. Can't even be properly appreciative of these things because I'm such a piece of shit. I understand that not being able to always be appreciative isn't necessarily a sign of being a piece of shit but I really am one. I don't know how to go through life knowing this, knowing that at my core I'm just rotten despite whatever I try to convince myself or do. You guys in this sub, sorry to hear that you are going through well, whatever you are going through. Not sure how else to put it. Wish I could take all your pain, all I have is empty words probably in a subconscious attempt to feel better about myself because unfortunately helping others is just another one of the things I can't do.
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self.depression
|
I'm losing my best friends and it's all my fault [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Friend that I needed a ride from left me on my own at a bar so he could spend time with a woman he just met. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I don't think I'm severely depressed but I'm considering suicide [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
My friend and his "perfectionist son"... My friend is worried about his 10 year old son, because the kid is a perfectionist, gets anxious when he isn't perfect, can't stand losing, etc.
Go play a board game at the house and my friend is coaching the kid on every move, won't let him make mistakes, tells him a better move, etc.
DO YOU FUCKING WONDER WHY YOUR KID HAS HANGUPS ABOUT PERFECTION?
|
self.offmychest
|
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