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I feel kinda lost... and alone I know live has ups and downs, but the last few years my life has had all downs... I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything I know I can do and all the doors closes in my nose... My father passed away last year, since then my uncles and cousins and my step brother just left my mom, my sister and I. I have no money, I have no job, I have no inspiration nor motivation. I also tried to sell sex but that doesn't even worked. I don't believe inblack magic or santería but someone told us someone is doing that stuff to us so we cannot be happy and have no money or Friends or anything,but now I'm not sure if I should believe it or not, becaise everything is completelly wrong. I wake up every morning with a smile in my face with all the attitude but nothing happens and I'm giving up. Just thought about commit suicide but that doesn't even help because I would leave my mom and my sister more problems... My mom doesn't have a job and everything we do just doesn't go well... I really am about to give up.. I feel so lost and alone and God doesn't even listen to me, he also left me... I guess I'll give up. I can't do anything anymore I have no one not even God I guess...
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self.depression
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When somebody ask me what are my plans for the next year https://imgur.com/a/l1q4d
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self.depression
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In middle of college and feeling stuck and in a rut. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Depressed because of insecurities I'm a 16 year old high school student who's skinny fat. (Skinny fat basically is when you look fit and skinny in clothes but without, it just looks terrible. In my case, I have a gut and very large thighs.) Skinny fat is a different kind of insecurity because you don't know what to do. You have people calling you skinny but you yourself know you're not. I've tried so hard losing this weight that I don't know what to do now. It hurts so much trying to adjust myself in class and in the halls to not look fat or remotely overweight. I wanna be like those kids who can do anything and not have to adjust themselves. I'm self conscious everyday and I'm constantly looking at the position I'm in to try to make myself look skinnier. I've given up at trying to lose the weight at this point. It's just annoying.
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self.depression
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Can we please stop calling everyone who is a bit selfish a 'narcissist'? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Realized everything is better without me I've become really distant socially because of depression and nobody really seems to care. In fact, it seems like they're better for it. I feel like I was just tagging along and not really providing anything you know
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self.depression
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Has anyone been able to submit a PMC successfully? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It’s been 5 months since my last hospitalization it’s a record On average I spend 25+ weeks in the hospital a year
It always goes like this I attempted suicide or just start planning to family or counsellor catches and I go to the hospital for a few months
I go home and I am good for 3-6 weeks then the cycle starts all over again
But it’s been about 22 weeks since I have been in the hospital and I haven’t gone that long in about 10 years
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why do I feel like this I've commented on many subreddits like this but never felt like it helped. I don't know if I'm suicidal or not. I think about doing it alot and the effects of it but never actually do it. All these feelings started showing up in 6th grade.... I was abandoned by a childhood friend and left alone until I moved. While I was still there, I slowly became more isolated and more depressed, I guess. I attempted cutting three times(never did it)... Tied belts around my neck until I ran out of oxygen. Things like that. I've lived in this new location for about 6 months, got new friends, and started high school. While that overly depressed me has slightly faded, I still feel sad. Like I won't amount to anything, or everyone hates you and are only being nice to not hurt you... Things like that. I even cried on the first day BC I thought everything would be just the same. Sometimes embarrassing memories pop up in my mind and I just yell out "WHY" and pinch myself. Idk why I do it.
I've done a lot of stuff... I don't know if I need help.. My parents just seem to forget about me and my emotions to worry about more important stuff.
Maybe I should go back to my attempts and see if they'll notice... Most likely won't.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I love my girlfriend but I have a crush on my best friend. We talk about everything, she makes me laugh, she makes me feel better when I'm upset. Sometimes she talks about how hard it is to find a girlfriend and I just want to say "I'll be your girlfriend!!!" Because I think she has a crush on me too.
We don't flirt or anything, I swear. My girlfriend knows about her - she's my best friend, so of course my girlfriend knows my friends - and they've talked to each other. We met online and we've never met IRL and possibly never will, since we live a few hours away from each other and I'm usually very busy. We don't do anything boundary-pushing like talk about sexual things. Like, I want to clarify that other than my personal inner feelings and possibly hers, we have a completely normal above-board friendship like the kind I have with all my friends; I'm not cheating in any sense of the word.
And I love my girlfriend. We've been together for a year and a half now and talked about getting married someday. We have a good relationship, she's so sweet and kind and smart and funny, and she treats me so, so well. We have good communication, compatible life goals, and I like her family. We have a really bright future together.
I just....I dunno. I wanna meet up with my best friend and kiss her. It can't happen and I know this will pass eventually. I think I just want her because I can't have her. Feels like this happens whenever I'm in a relationship.
Not exactly looking for "advice" but I don't care either way enough to put NAW, if you have some advice about how I can put this crush aside better than I already am, feel free to post it.
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self.offmychest
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Longest 16 years of my life now putting it to an end finally [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My mother and I are both bipolar. Wanting to know if anyone else here has a familial history of the illness Hi all,
I've lurked for a long time, and this community sparked me to getting much-needed help. I'm very fortunate my (US) university has a very immersive mental health program, including basically free counselling and psychiatry. So if you're in a similar place I was, getting help isn't giving up, medication isn't giving up, and feeling sorry for yourself while in a structured therapeutic environment can be beneficial.
My mother is an alcoholic. She's been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. My sister and I used to find empty Gordon's vodka bottles in the garage, in her closet, in her car. I asked her where one was from once:
"It must be your dad's."
It wasn't the *best* environment for a highschooler to be in, and my family didn't believe she had a problem until I ripped the roof off the house.
So it turns out after her stint at rehab after spending Christmas in a jail cell for a DUI, she's diagnosed bipolar. I really wanted to react with "no shit." I have quite a few family members with the illness, as well as a cousin who committed suicide. I remember going to his funeral when I was a kid and having no sense of the gravity that funeral held.
Currently, I'm at the point between "I'm done feeling sorry for myself" and "When am I going to fall off that cliff again?/When is the mountain going to carry me up to my throne?"
Does anyone else here have direct or extended family with bipolar? Suicides? Substance dependencies? Manic stories? Words of wisdom?
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self.bipolar
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Sad and scared Reposting this from another sub as I got no responses and i’m really desperate for people to tell me it’ll be okay
Obviously i’ve made a throwaway for this confession,I like to keep a good image on my ‘main’ reddit.
Basically,last year I became really ill with OCD,depression,autism amongst other things. I’ve had severe OCD all my life to the point where I took two attempts on my life in the past 12 months. I’m currently having therapy and am on meds.
From about august,i’ve been doing fine with my recovery but the last few weeks i’ve been doing some really self destructive things (NOT self harm-just self destruction) and have started relapsing into old habits. I’m starting to feel sucidal again,like there’s no point to me,there’s no point to recovery anymore.
I hate myself,yet i’ve been doing so well,it’s like my brain is trying to *make* me relapse. I’m so sick of this,so sick of fighting. The only reason i’ve been holding on is my wonderful family and friends,but the voice in my head that constantly bangs on that i’m a shit person is so powerful. I’m at a crossroads,I can either put my all in and carry on,or the easier option,give up with everything.
If it makes any difference,i’m fourteen. Please don’t tell me i’m ‘still developing’. I’m ill.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Suicide mainly motivated by desire to get to Heaven? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Any tips for extreme anxiety due to a new job? Hi guys. Just found this sub but I've been dealing with anxiety ever since I was young and need some help.
For the past 7 months I've been unemployed. I worked at a small community college for a while and it was fantastic. Quiet, boss was chill and we could do what we wanted, and it had the double edge sword of short hours. However, I had to leave that job due to graduating and moving on to getting a Bachelor's and just because I was exhausted with school.
During those 7 months my depression came back with vengeance. Not suicidal but some days are struggles and I almost feel like I'd get buried under it. I felt like I wasn't doing anything and I'd waste away, so I figured a job would help me out of that. It took a long time but I finally got accepted
Started this new job on Wednesday. Full time, 40 hours, some 9 hour days, and a high stress and fast paced environment. My anxiety has destroyed me. My stomach can hardly handle food at times, I'm exhausted, can't sleep, just tense and scared and in terror at times. It's not even when I'm at work either, it's often the night before or (like now) it's the thought of going back after the weekend. I'm tired beyond belief and that makes it harder to fight the anxiety that's just telling me to run and hide. My psych started me on medication but I know that takes time to really start working....not to mention I'm nervous about side effects making the job even harder.
So, I guess I'm asking for tips or what worked for any of you out there who went through the same. Sometimes thinking about how others have made it through this makes it easier for me, so anything helps. I'm trying not to quit since I feel like I'm admitting defeat and really need the money. Not to mention this would be the second job I would quit from anxiety and I don't want to let everyone down who was proud of me getting this one.
Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
|
Am I deluding myself about the extent of how ''broken'' my brain is? Is it really ''broken'' at all or I am just feeling shitty? I have this idea that my brain is really really flawed. These are the specific ''flaws'' I always see in my mind:
1. REALLY really awful memory. Both long and short term.
I feel like I have been passionate about so many things and have had so many interests but somehow never fully absorbed the information I was feeding myself. I love music, and I can spend a week going crazy about one artist - poring over their discography, reading album reviews, listening to podcasts about them etc... Then a week later, I CANNOT recall the dates / song titles / album names at all. And that happens with even my longest standing favorites who I've been listening to for 10 years or whatever. I just couldn't tell you which album is which or where I saw them live or what the name of that song is...
The same goes for books. I can read an entire book and think it's really profound and memorable and then totally forget the plot and name of the author within a week. LET ALONE recalling this information after a year has passed! Exact same with films and TV. Everything just gets pulverized and disintegrates in my memory. I feel robbed to be honest! I spend so much time and effort trying to cultivate myself as a human being and deepen my interests but it feel futile whenever things come up in conversation that I claim to care about but am unable to talk about with any clarity.
Also goes for long term memory - I have no idea how to talk about my childhood or school days. I just. can't. remember. I am absolutely baffled by the ability people have to lucidly tell stories about days out when they were kids, or holidays when they were teens. Everything is a wooly blur for me, I remember things of course, but there is absolutely no detail there.
2. Attention span is so bad
This is self explanatory and I am certain linked to the memory thing above. Attention span is paiiiiiinfully bad. And the sad thing is that I try so damn hard to improve it and I'm so obsessed with achieving things that require deep focus. So I'm constantly battling with myself about not being better at this.
Having a very short attention span makes me worry that I don't have much substance as a person. It's like you're just skimming the surface of life and never fully engaging with the world around you. It affects everything. Paying attention IS everything... If you don't pay attention where are you even living? I feel like I'm on a planet of my own almost all the time.
In conversation with other people I feel very disconnected because honestly - I find it hard to pay attention. I find most conversations boring! Which is awful! I actively find most people and situations boring. Because I'm always seeking stimulation to hold my attention. Not only to I struggle to focus on any conversation that isn't high-octane or intense / deep in some way (which makes it more interesting), but I'm also terrified that I'll be caught out for having an empty brain!
3. Depression brain
You know this one. Negative thoughts on an endless loop. Self loathing on every level.
This one I can deal with.. sort of... I recognise that this is depression and it's something that is perfectly common and even normal in today's society. I don't feel alienated when I talk about my depression and I recognise myself in other people when they talk about THEIR depression.
The problem is... when I hear other people talking about their depression, I hear the same symptoms, but without the ''broken brain'' issues which I am convinced make me fundamentally flawed.. (obviously I want to challenge that belief which is why I'm writing this now.) When I hear another person speaking, I am dazzled and amazed by the person's clarity, ability to engage and be present in the conversation, the way that they can recall relevant information at appropriate moments and how much of a fully formed person they seem to be. Even listening to those with chronic depression, even listening to suicidal people speaking about how they feel - I still hear these amazingly coherent people whose brains appear to be functioning at a different level to mine.
So the question is....
Is there any way that my brain actually could be ''fundamentally flawed'' or ''broken''? I feel lightyears away from most people in terms of my ability to hold a conversation, present myself as a coherent human, draw upon relevant information and to react and respond appropriately.
If you think that this is just a story I've sold myself wrongly, how am I supposed to know? How can I know that I genuinely have something worthwhile to offer the world and I'm not just this broken-brained person who will always be functioning at a lower level due to memory gaps and attention deficit.
I know that you don't HAVE to be a super interesting person in life who is good at recalling knowledge. You don't HAVE to be present and engaged in conversation.
But I'm just so fed up of always feeling on the back foot, always feeling this intense gap between the kind of person I want to be and the way I actually come accross. I think part of my relationship breakdown with my ex was because of this issue. I would just dry up in conversation, paralysed by my inability to recall information on whatever we were talking about. I would have all these strong views about something but when it came to it - the memory bank would be empty, the information checked out, I'd have nothing to contribute.
I feel like I'm so much more than this and I want to be someone who can fucking contribute something interesting once in a while!
What do you guys think, am I deluded about this issue or could it be a real thing? What can I do to help these issues? Anyone else have the same problems? Does brain training work - legitimately?!
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self.depression
|
Depression. Quit Job and now stressed. I quit my job of 2.5 years (social worker) because I stopped taking care of myself and felt my depression rising , and now I am super stressed about finding another job. I have had two interviews and where I thought the first one went awesome, but I haven’t heard back in two weeks (I might send a follow up email), and a phone interview that don’t go so good today.
My hair is matted and will probably take forever to get out, and I haven’t felt good about myself in a long time . My goal for quitting was to pick myself up and perhaps get a different job with structured hours so that I could start taking proper care of myself again, but it is hard to find the motivation to begin. I think I need a social worker myself, haha.
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self.depression
|
Gone before dead Like growing up without a dad, having a mom that's on meth, having a step father throughout my childhood who would beat me and treat me unfairly when it comes down to him and his kids. Having SM chronic anxiety, this is no call for help, no help me help me I'm in a pool of fish that have better swimmer's than me no friends in school, lost all my closest friends I'm poor, failing high-school, I literally love going to school, because those are my meals for the day. Every day is a challenge to survive my mom is now homeless I'm stuck smoking weed. I left boxing I quit weight lifting if I've been trying so hard to survive why not let go and be released from all I've been through at 16.... exactly we all suffer every day in this world. I've suffered enough. I'm not material for this world not ato all
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I just want to be better Hi! I apologize for any grammatical mistakes I'm just at that point where I need to get this out. I'm not one to post about this kind of thing publicly but I don't think I can bring this up to anyone I know irl so this is a pretty tough spot for me. I'll just be straightforward. I've had suicidal thoughts all my life. I'm at that point where I just think my life is meaningless. Yes, I have people that care for me dearly as I do them but I can't help but to remember I'm just going to be forgotten a few generations in the future.
Most of my family hates me anyways, they think I'm sort of monster for being the only one that's transgender in the family. I shouldn't have to bring that up but that's all they care about. I have others that support me but having them support me just hurts me more. I don't want good people to waste their time on me. So in return, I support them back and pretend I'm happy. Nobody worries then. Recently, someone I knew for a while confessed his love for me and I know I love him back. I feel so guilty that I love him back. I just feel so selfish. He doesn't know about how suicidal I am and if he finds out I know that will be my breaking point. I just wish I was better for him.
Almost every day I end up crying my eyes out because how awful everything has become. I'm not sure if it's just me or I really am in a bad place. I honestly thought I wouldn't be alive for as long as I've been. I just want to be happy. Thank you for listening.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Good grief, I see it all. Long story. TW suicide/ED [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
I'm done I have spent most of my life trying not to hurt anyone by ending my life. I am 54 have enormous amount of student dept that I can't pay because I can't find work and basically I am a burden on my family. I'm alone in this life my children are grown the last time I tried to have a relationship he like the others abused and tried to kill me. And basically I live in my dead parents house and have to bow down to my sister and ask permission to do anything. I can't even choose where to put the cats litter box. Just because I'm not as pretty and successful as my sisters I am apparently stupid to.
So I am going to take myself and my unwanted cats out of the equation.
Yes, people will hurt for a day or two. But reality is, once your gone everyone goes on and you are quickly forgotten. And when you are like me and everyone forgets about you on the regular anyway. It won't take anyone any time at all to get over me.
No there is no help to get the dept off my back because if you are in default there is no option other than to come up with $$$ and make 120 payments on time. You don't go into default if you can make the payments so..... The most ridiculous thing ever. I can't go on disability because of the loans and I can't work because I am a sick broken mess.
And so we go to sleep now and the unwanted are crossing the rainbow bridge.....
Good bye
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm so depressed I can't masturbate anymore Or hold a job or friend or do anything
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self.depression
|
Tips for the new semester? Spring semester of my sophomore year of college is starting soon. I need to figure out how to get a better handle on my life despite being bipolar. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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self.bipolar
|
Confused about "hearing voices" I'm a little confused about whether these are intrusive thoughts or I'm hearing weird internal voices. I've always had this problem and assumed it was normal until recently (I am 28).
Quite regularly I would have these internal voices ranting, bickering and just being overwhelmingly mean to me. When I was 12, I had to convince myself that it wasn't me because these "thoughts" were distressing and bad. I wouldn't think that way! IDK how to describe it. Yes, I get weird images of me doing bad things (throwing myself onto an incoming train), but then a voice keeps bothering me saying: "Do it, do it". And I'll be saying back, "no leave me alone", which doesn't do anything. I usually hear one, but sometimes it's multiple. So maybe 3? IDK how to describe it either, it's not really a "thought", but it's an actual voice inside of me? When I hear them, I usually have to stop what I'm doing to converse with them to tell them to shut up. Sometimes I hear whispers externally, saying my name. Or when I'm really not well, I hear whispering all around me. I've only heard someone get close to my hear and say something mean once in awhile.
This summer, the main voice I hear all the time was ranting with another internal voice as I was getting up and going to bathroom in the morning. I did my usual thing of telling it to leave me alone, and they kept going, so I tried again, the main one became extremely angry and began screaming at me (I know this sounds weird), the screaming was extremely loud and for once, I heard it rotate around me and in my right ear.
I'm on Lamictal now, and I still hear them (not as much). It's a little bit more quiet. But they were bickering and ranting the other week when I was having a nice day (they're speaking at the same time, saying different things) but I was able to get them to stop.
Is this normal? IDK WTF is going on. I've never told my psychiatrist because I thought everyone gets those. I wasn't feeling well this week and one kept telling me to bang my head against the table (during a meeting at work) and tell them all to shut up and telling me to scream.
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self.bipolar
|
I hate always saying goodbye to my mental health providers I'm trying to stay positive. Got news today that my psychiatrist of 2 years is leaving the practice to become a telepsychiatrist at a mental health community center. I can't follow him because apparently this place only accepts "complex patients" (huh?) and no one there takes insurance because "it is not allowed". There is no way I can be his patient ever again.
I guess I'm just awful at picking therapists/psychiatrists. They always leave after 3 mos to 2 years, and for some reason or another, I can't follow them. :(
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self.bipolar
|
Today a girl smiled at me. Today I was walking around campus and usually I don't talk to anyone or interact with anyone. There was a cute girl walking in my general direction and I guess I was looking at her. She smiled and I smiled back and that was all. It was such a small thing but it made me feel happy. I have the feeling of the little fish in a big pond of sharks and I guess that small interaction made me feel like I was being acknowledged.
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self.offmychest
|
The Monster (OC Poetry) A poem I wrote after hearing about another celebrity/star (Kim Jong Hyun) committing suicide. It hurt a lot so this needed to be out of my system.
Trigger warning, don’t read if you are in a bad place in heart or mind
——————
You were a shining star
full of life
or so it seems
but even that disease
had the guts to crawl
inside your soul
they said it was your personality
that was to blame
as some people are more perceptible
to this monster
we have the tendency to invite him over
as misery likes company
whatever company it is
so we have tea with it
we live with it
until we realize
that it is overstaying our welcome
but then it is already too late
we try to vacate it from our home,
our heart, and our soul
but it already nested inside the corner of
our mind
whispering we cannot live without it
we are weak
we are not strong enough
to rid ourselves of it
And so it stays
inside us
we look around
for others with the
same monster
but the monsters are
smart
they hide themselves well
they tell us to not show others
we have one
inside us
and so we hide it
and so we don’t see others
with the same monsters
as we all are hiding our own
we try to talk about it
and the monster whispers
tell them
and be ridiculed
be embarrassed
be shamed
of what we invited into our home
and we stay quiet
the monster thrives on
anxiety, doubts, fears
and we have them all
and lay it all to bare
for it to see
and to eat
so it eats and eats
while poking us with more
bad words, dark thoughts
and we spew out more
hurt, sadness and angst
and slowly the monster
eats us up alive
until nothing is left
but an empty shell
and the monster lives our lives
for us
That is only if we dare not
to betray the monster
and kick it out on the streets
show the world that we are
not to mess with
show the world that despite
inviting him over
we decided that
he was not our boss
he was not the director of our lives
we are strong
we can do it
we just need to believe
that we can
as the monster will
keep telling us
lies
and more lies
and whatever it says
it is a lie
that is a thing we need to remember
lying is the only thing he can do
and feeding us with a faulty reality
so it can eat us whole
don’t let it
don’t let it
we can do it
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self.Anxiety
|
Cbt vs psychoanalysis vs ACT vs whatever the hell else for therapy? Hi all so I was wondering if anyone had an opinion on what the optimal type of therapy for gad, social anxiety OCD exc is...I've only been in therapy once and I guess you could say it was talk therapy but I was kind of full of shit and never rly opened up so it didn't yield any results. Without ever having done it, cBT to me seems kind of ridiculous because it basically states, unless I'm wrong, that all of your negative feelings and emotions come from negative thoughts and patterns but so much of my horrible anxiety exists without any thoughts at all so I don't rly understand how that could be true? As far as psychoanalysis goes, I believe I have a pretty clear understanding of what drives my anxiety--feelings of intense insecurity and low self esteem from being bullied and never feeling good about myself exc so would having a good understanding about what drives me negate any need for regular talk therapy/psychoanalysis? I'm kind of confused on where to get started with this therapy thing but I definitely want to give it a real try for once as I've tried all the meds there are with a psychiatrist ( we don't talk just prescribe) and it's done nothing. Appreciate any input
|
self.Anxiety
|
Who else hates valentine's day? I'm just feeling really terrible and really lonely. Everyone keeps telling me "oh you're not the only one by yourself" or "one day you'll have somebody" but it doesn't f***ing help it just makes me feel worse.
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self.Anxiety
|
This is my life story 23/M Hello, my name is Daniel. I am 22 years old and this is my life story, I was born in Charleston West Virginia, on January 12th 1995 at the weight of 3 LBS and 3 Ounces, they kept me at the hospital for a few months before I was able to go home with my parents, once I was able to go home my parents soon bought a house, and that's where I stayed until I was 8 years old. My father was abusive from the time I was 5 until I was 8, he used to hit me, thow me into things, as well as thow things at me. It was hell, but one day my mother bought me and a friend some ice cream and we ate it in the car well my father found out about that and he wasn't happy, I remember going inside the house to take a bath and I heard yelling so I got dressed and came outside I seen him push my mom to the ground and I started hitting him, later that night he took a bunch of pills and tried killing himself, the ambulance came and got him and we packed our things and left that night, my mother and I lived in a small 2 bedroom apartment until I was about 12 years old. But shortly after moving into the apartment I started having bad depression fits, and I tried committing suicide and I got sent off to a hospital. I don't exactly remember how long I was there, but it didn't help. Coming out of the hospital I did counselling from the age of 8ish until I was 17, which didn't help either. My mom met a man about 9 months after leaving my father, and he is now my step father, he treated us right. He truly is a good man, we moved out of that apartment and into one with my step dad when I was about 12, 13ish. We moved into the town, and I soon found myself trying to cope with the pain of my life thus far, I found skateboarding and met my best friends in the world because of it. I still was depressed but it helped ease the pain, and I just lived a day at a time, skating hard and trying to enjoy life for years to come and with a few failed relationships along the way, I ended up getting a sponsorship when I was 16 and I was so happy that helped me so much, I felt like I had a purpose but it was short lived. When I was 17, in October I had an accident skateboarding and it put me out for 3 years, I lost my sponsorship and my purpose in life as far as I was concerned, I just stayed home didn't talk to anyone for 3 years, barely left my room until one day I decided I was going to change that, I was 20 and I hit a turning point in my life, I started back with the counselling, and was having them find me a social anxiety and depression medication to help me, and I eventually found it. I registered on a few dating sites to no avail. Eventually I deleted them and didn't think a thing else about it, went back to the one thing that helped me... skateboarding, and I lived like that until I was 22, when I decided to redownload tinder and I met the love of my life, that was 11 months ago. When I first seen her for the first time I knew she was the one, I have since been depression free for about 11 months now. It comes back sometimes randomly but not like it was, she has helped me immensely. I got my license, a brand new car, a job, and a new outlook on life. I'm very happy with how my life is going so far and I'm excited for the future for the first time, if it weren't for my mother and my girlfriend I don't know where I would be today, they have both been such a big help and inspiration to me. This doesn't even scratch the surface of everything in my life but I feel as if this was the best way to condense it, I just want to let people know that there is a way to get through what you're going through, you just have to fight. I know I can't fix depression, and I won't even make a dent on the problem that it's causing in the world right now but if I can help atleast one person get through hard times then it is easily worth it. If anyone has any questions about my life, or just wants some advice please don't hesitate to get ahold of me. My name is Daniel and this has been my story.
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self.depression
|
I'm a completely rational person up until my emotions overwhelm me
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self.depression
|
Currently looking at shelter dog pics, listening to 'Angel' and bitch crying. I miss my baby so much
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self.bipolar
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Vitamin D deficiency was the reason for my depression. [deleted]
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self.depression
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So I just found a job I'm 23, I've been looking for one for over an year after dropping out of university cause of a breakup and depression, I've felt better lately even though I have no income and I'm living with my parents.
So I found a job today and I feel as depressed as one year ago, it's a job as a factory worker, full time, for only 500 euros/month. It fucking sucks, I need it, my parents would be angrier at me than they already are, but it fucking sucks.
I can't deal with the fact that I have to do a repetitive job in a awful place for 8 hours every day, it fucking sucks, it makes me feel worthless and suicidal, I don't want to do it, I really don't want to, I'd kill myself if I wasn't that scared of death, but what's the point in living if I gotta do an awful job the whole day, every day, I can't deal with it, I'm so sad, depressed, I just wanna go back to bed and never get out
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self.depression
|
I'm Ashamed of My Small Boobs Hey. So, my boyfriend of 3 months approached me last night and told me that he wants me to get breast implants. I'm a 32A (practically flat chested) and have been dealing with insecurities about my chest for years. I was bullied about it in high school and is the reason why I had low self-esteem for many years. I always wanted implants but once I became an adult, I realized that I don't want to artificially change my body.
However, my boyfriend is a boobs guy and always has been. He put that aside once he started dating me but I guess it's now creeped back into his mind. He's been pretty good to me about it but sometimes I find him checking out bustier girls which makes me feel worse. He told me his last GF was 36C which makes me feel like a downgrade.
In college, I would stuff my bra with toilet paper to give the false sense of bigger boobs. I thought those days were over but I feel like those feelings of shame and sadness are back.
I hate my chest. I feel like less of a woman. I feel like I'm still a little girl. I suppressed those thoughts but now, my boyfriend is bringing them back.
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self.offmychest
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Does music make anyone else feel better and worse at the same time? [removed]
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self.depression
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A question. what word or phrase helped you? What was your reason to put suicidal thoughts behind you. Or increased your understanding of your suffering?
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self.SuicideWatch
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still no luck on getting a job, not sure if i'm just making excuses or I just suck, wish I could afford help here I am again, still with no job. been since i finished high school, and according to my mom, after this year, it'll be at least 3 years since i haven't found anything. Don't know what to do. went to Tech school in hoping to get a job, ended up learning jack shit that i could literally learn on my own.
not sure if it's because I literally don't meet the qualifications for the jobs i'm applying, or because I'm not following up with phone calls because i'm too scared to talk on the phone, or because they can tell I'm a nervous wreck when I go into an interview(last one I went to, the interviewer was worried over how nervous I was).
either way, this is bumming me out. wish I could say I was giving up on life again, but that would imply I stopped giving up in the first place.
Wish I could afford professional help(to be honest, I think my whole family needs it), but without a job or insurance, it's not really possible.
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self.Anxiety
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Feeling so alone while trying to taper off Ativan [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am so sad I’m just in such a rough patch right now. Had a rough couple weeks. This is the closest I have ever been to actually going through with suicide. I’ve tries almost every pill and nothing has worked. I feel hopeless, the only thing holding me back from suicide is my family and because I’m terrified of the pain. If I knew life would just end I would do itin a heartbeat.
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self.depression
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I didnt get help. Now I'm in Major Depression. Please HELP ME. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Who is depressed and suicidal? Let's make friend, u and me only. do u need a friend?
I am looking for a best friend, like a brother, unseperable. Together we can achieve anything.
I also have depression and suicidal thougths. I am looking for someone who is the same boat,who has no friends, sees no point in life, cannot enjoy outside life even with someone together, and wants to make friend with meA soulmate would be perfect, but it's not necessary. We can become soulmates^^
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self.depression
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I feel like I'm a failure. I shouldn't be in the position I am right now. College finals are around the corner, and I'm probably gonna have to drop out. I shouldn't have to. I've been given almost every opportunity imaginable to not be a complete fuck up. I was given a tuition free ride to the University of my dreams. I have someone nice enough to sponsor me so I could live on campus. And my parents offered to buy my books. It is literally the situation that most college students dream about. Yet somehow I still fucked everything up. All I needed to do was keep a B average, with no grades below a C. I still fucked it up. My future was literally handed to me on a silver fucking platter, and I still managed to fuck it up. I don't know how I'm supposed to live with myself. I don't know how the people who supported me can live with me. I wish I could kill myself, but I know if I did, there would be others who would as well. Looks like I'm gonna end up like a worthless piece of shit.
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self.depression
|
Lack of social skills to ward of annoying ppl I'm taking part time study in foreign language, and my exam is coming up this Dec.
I hate it when ppl do not understand and keep bugging you to go out on an outing with them. It is non stop bugging and u will hate it!
I have mute her WhatsApp notifications and did not reply. I don't know why the bugging still did not stop.
Imagine someone who talks non stop on a 5 hours journey.
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self.offmychest
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Need advice on fiance's state of mind. So my fiance just had his first full out manic episode after we got back from our vacation where we got engaged. He's been in the hospital for just less than a month. We bought our rings back in August and have been in an intense but very loving relationship for 5 years and best friends for 7. His family has never been that supportive of him and has treated us badly causing us to spend less and time with them over the years.
He pulled off a spectacular proposal during his mania and didn't do much that was outlandish after we got back other than talk non stop. In hindsight, I have always allowed him to revel in his hypomanic episodes because his outlandishness didn't bother me. But once his god complex and delusions kicked in, I slapped him for insulting me and getting out of control because I had no idea what was happening and I was driving and needed him to stop.
Because I slapped him, he's decided that I'm abusive and is trying to end our relationship. His family will never take my side or help him see reason so I'm scared he's going to tear up our lives. We have a car lease, apartment and company together so clearly, we expected to spend the rest of our lives together. But his mom told him he should re-evaluate our relationship and that's exactly what he's done and he's decided he doesn't love me because I fucked up so badly and didn't support his manic ideas this time.
He also spent 2 nights sleeping on the streets of Vancouver and 'helping the homeless' by giving all his money and clothes away. I filed a missing person's report and drove around for two days with his dad looking for him. His co-workers found me and gave me a call and I dropped everything and went straight to get him. After that he was taken to the hospital by the cops.
He's been moved out of high acuity and is starting to get weekend passes but is spending all that time with his mom because I can't bear to see him and listen to him say we are over and that he's been doing romantic things with girls in the ward. He has never said anything like this in 5 years of being together.
My question is should I still hold out hope for us? Is he saying and doing all this because he's still manic? How long will it take for him to gain some insight? How do I stop him from making these rash decisions that I don't think he is meaning to make because it is so unlike him? How do I convince him I'm not an abuser?
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self.bipolar
|
Wanting to explode Everything has been getting better, meeting new people and doing new things, but inside I still feel empty and hurtful at night.
I think about hurting myself time and time again. I never thought I would do it but I’m hitting myself and thinking about slicing a bit of myself to see how it would feel.
Inside I just want to self destruct, maybe it’s me wanting to have a cry for help or if I just don’t want to try anymore. Either way I feel so disgusted with myself. Anything to get rid of feeling so crappy and depressed.
I just wanted to write this out, thank you anybody for listening
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self.SuicideWatch
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Something bad happened between me and my girlfriend. I was so disoriented and panicky, that my first thought was to shoot myself with the gun I own. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Don’t drive around when depressed. Its just as dangerous as drinking and driving. [removed]
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self.depression
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Peeing in the bed and how to stop it alright, I need to get this off my chest. I've been peeing the bed for pretty much my whole life. My family says I am smart, but I need some help on how to stop it. It makes me feel guilty. Please give me advice on how to stop it. I will take any advice.
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self.offmychest
|
Really having a rough time today Today is really shitty. I don't know how to feel not depressed anymore. I lost my job. I'm about to lose my home and car. I have three kids, one of whom has special needs. I'm still not over my post partum depression from having my last baby over a year ago. I have no insurance so seeing a doctor is out of the question. I'm so behind on my bills I don't know how I'll ever get caught up. I have no family or friends to help or even really talk to. And when I do try to talk I'm told to just suck it up and deal with it. How do I deal with potentially being homeless with my kids? How do I deal with telling my kids I can't even afford a Christmas tree let alone presents? I feel like throwing in the towel. I'm failing as a mother, as a partner, as a human being. I've exhausted all options trying to receive financial assistance, apart from prostituting myself and I don't think that would sit well with my boyfriend. I'm just done. I'm tired of struggling. Tired of having to feed my kids Ramen noodles again for dinner because it's all I can afford. Tired of wondering if my car will start today to take my kids to school. Tired of being hungry so they can eat. I'm just tired of being tired.
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self.depression
|
I'm drowing in a little fucking puddle I cant do the smallest tasks I cant concentrate on anything I can't speak up for myself I can't get up in the morning I can't make a friend I can't defend myself I cant make anyone proud I only cause embaressment and pity. I hate this. I selfharmed again after telling myself I wouldn't. I didnt do anything in terms of academics even though I said to my self I would. No friends. On top of that im a tranny. Im afraid I might do something fatal to myself one day on impulse. I just want this all to end I have no future but in a grave. I bet the maggots and worms won't even want a tranny. Just a rant. I hate myself just end it please. I hate this fuck. All I can do is cry and be a burden to others and myself. I was so hapoy a few hours ago what the fuck happend. I cant be happy for a day I know ill crash down hard afterwards.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone ever try st. johns wort? wondering if its good for anxiety, if you took it how did it make you feel, how long did it take to work, etc
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self.Anxiety
|
I think I might take up recreational drugs I'm just so sick of the disgusting voices in my head.
I'm an anxious nutcase, and no matter how much I try to busy myself, or focus my efforts anywhere else the thoughts in my head always come straight through. Stupid things such as my ex best friend cheating with my ex a couple years ago don't help. I swear I'm never going to get him out of my head, it's like he's haunting me, always going to make me feel sick no matter what whenever he comes up in my head, no matter how long it's been or how far away he is.
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self.offmychest
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What are some of the dating challenges that come with your mood disorder?
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self.bipolar
|
Played football today Hello.
So some guys I knew were playing football in the morning and asked me to come because they didn't really have players.
My night was horrible.... I could not sleep, slept at 3am and was just feeling horrible.
Woke up at 5:30am and I didn't really have plans for the day, I didn't want to go for football but I just went without thinking at all.
Left my house for football.
I ended up having a great time...... I even scored a goal.
It felt great but It did leave me with a whole lot of body pain ( first time I played in MONTHS).
BUT OVERALL IT WAS GREAT.
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self.depression
|
Hallucinations I have bipolar II. I was in a car accident 3 weeks ago and another one 2 days ago.
Lately I have been noticing auditory hallucinations once in a while, and last night I was trying to get to sleep I started to have insane hallucinations. They lasted about 10 minutes.
I don't really remember what they were, beyond something that was reminiscent of a strong dmt trip. Shapes and colours flying past me rapidly.
It scared the shit out of me. I've never experienced this before. I also had a flashback yesterday to the last accident I was in. Not a new experience, but I didn't expect it.
I think I'm in a depressive episode, I slept for over 30 hours almost consecutively. That's fairly rare for me.
Now I'm scared that I'm going totally insane. I've been under an incredible amount of stress lately, and no end in sight.
Also, I have no treatment options available as I have to take methotrexate and get akathesia from most treatments.
Has this kind of thing ever happened to you before? Please tell me I'm not alone.
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self.bipolar
|
It's almost time I bought a gun. I'm waiting until the holidays are over, to spare friends and family from extra pain. Don't really have anyone to talk to, people all say the same things. "You're a good person." "You can move forward." I know better, I know myself.
Dropped out of college because of depression, failed a suicide attempt, never went back to school. I can only get shitty jobs without a degree, the shitty jobs make me angrier and angrier until I quit with no back-up plan. Then inertia and depression take hold again.
My work history is a series of 9-12 months working with 3-6 months of nothing in-between. I have no explanation for the employment gaps, the places willing to hire someone like me are increasingly shitty.
I've proven to myself time and time again that I'll never get it together. I've barely left my house since September. The only thing that tempers the constant anxiety is drinking, but with how much money I spend on booze my savings won't last long.
I lack willpower, I give up so easily, I've been that way since I was a kid. So now I'll give up one last time. This post is pointless, sorry for carrying on.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I got a job, which is good, but I'm worried about the long hours [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Feel like I can't complain because the people around me have bigger problems I have always been the calm and confident type of person. And up to a few months ago, this was true. But recently it feels like things are falling apart.
I'm only a few months away from getting a degree, in an industry with high demand and good pay. I have good grades, some experience, and I think I'm reasonable competent in my field (as far as can be expected from someone with my level op experience). That said, I'm really anxious for this transition.
My long-term (of almost 11 years) girlfriend has a lot of mental issues, including social anxiety. Because of this she has basically no friends, and I am her only emotional support. This has been going on for years, and it is coming to the point that I can no longer bear it. Any time she has a breakdown I just feel annoyance and frustration. I feel guilty and selfish just typing this, as she is the one with the bigger problems.
The fact she is really unstable mentally means the support has always been one-sided. I support her, that's it.
On top of that, my parents are going through a rough patch too. My uncle, which had a business together with my dad, basically stabbed him in the back because he wanted a bigger share, and started spreading nasty rumors. This lead to a divide in the family in which everyone choose my uncles side. My dad also has a drinking problem, this has been the case for a long time. Meanwhile my mom is convinced it's not a big deal, because everyone drinks.
At the end of the day everyone around me has big problems, and since everything is going well for me I feel like I don't get to complain.
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self.offmychest
|
Emtpy On my good days and hours I still feel sort of weirdly empty. Like nothing is really going on in my mind at all and I can't really tell what my emotions are like am I happy? I don't know. Am I sad? I'm not sure about that either. Am I pretty dead inside? I guess. I tried to express concern to my dad but he just told me that I'm being dramatic but am I? I still feel that emptyness in the back of my mind even if I'm laughing and enjoying myself to some degree.
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self.depression
|
Awful attack last night. Could use advice Hey everyone. Long story short, I had had a few glasses of wine last night and while watching a video of the olympics, I felt two heart palpitations in a row.
Before I knew it my body went into panic mode and my pulse shot through the roof. I laid in the dark in my bed for awhile but I couldn't get my pulse lowered. I live alone with my dog and therefore panic attacks really scare me when I'm alone at night.
Does anyone have any advice for calming myself down when my body goes into that stress response? I don't know how other to explain how I felt, other than scared. It's so frustrating knowing your body is reacting from anxiety and still not being able to calm down. Any, ANY advice would be really appreciated.
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self.Anxiety
|
Please help me Hey guys
However, I need some advice from you guys regarding something I did.
I am a 20 year old student who went through a period of high anxiety and depression last year and I have finally been able to calm it down a bit. Last year, at the end of July my main coping mechanism was chatting online with people on various chatting apps. It kept me mentally engaged and made me feel better about myself. I talked on apps only for 18+ individuals.
In one chat I started talking with someone who told me that she is an 18 year old girl and we talked normally. After a bit she started talking dirty to me so I reciprocated. She then sent me a nude picture of herself with no face which I never even asked for. We then messaged for about 5 more minutes and then I asked her how old are you again? I don't know what stimulated me to ask her for a second time, but I did. This time she said I am 16, almost 17. I told her "Wtf why would you lie to me the first time around", "You are doing something illegal and putting innocent people in danger with your antics by lying to them".
It has been 8 months since this happened, but I am sitting here today and was wondering if there was any chance I could get in trouble for this? It was an anonymous chat so we never exchanged any contact info or face pics or names. I am just pissed because I was lied to and I don't want to come out as a bad person. Many 20 year olds flirt with and go out with 18 year olds, even online, and I thought it was fine at the moment. I am in no way a bad person or perv or anything like that. The only thing I am worried about is that the day after this happened I posted about the incident in a slightly more detailed fashion on two websites, one which was a forum for those who need help with depression/anxiety and another on a law forum. If this person took screenshots of the chat I am just worried that those posts could be used against me. Do you guys think I have anything to worry about? I am being serious and honest about everything.
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self.Anxiety
|
Considering starting wellbutrin and have some questions concerning taking it Ive been on literally every SSRI & SNRI with little to no help. I've had ECT treatment done but it wore off after awhile and i lost a lot of memory from it (wish i never did it to be honest). I've been treatment resistant for a while now but I've never tried Wellbutrin before and I've heard many, many great success stories about it. Also on top of that i know it has way less side effects and is great for ADHD/ADD as well. My only worry is i do suffer from pretty bad anxiety and from what i've read it doesn't seem to be the best medication for that but again ive also come across people who say it helps their anxiety immensely.
Anyone had any luck with Wellbutrin with helping their depression or even anxiety and what did you experience starting it? any information, insight & experiences are greatly appreciated!
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self.Anxiety
|
How do you guys manage? Bipolar runs deeply through my mothers side of the family. I recently had a complete psychotic breakdown that was attributed to a manic episode. I feel like my world is falling apart with this diagnosis. I don't wanna be a doped up shell of my former self..
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self.bipolar
|
I need to know to talk and act naturally Nothing I day or do feels or sounds right. And it's not just my imagination, people will stare at me and talk about me because of it. They did it this morning when I was doing a presentation. Everything I do is janky and awkward as fuck. Even standing still I apparently look weird. No one in my class is going to want to be my friend after that. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I can't hold a conversation, and everything I do is somehow weird. People just keep talking about me. I don't know how to act like a normal person.
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self.Anxiety
|
When you notice that a manic phase is building and your like 'please be the productive mania'
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self.bipolar
|
I've lost 114 lbs, and I feel fucking miserable. I've suffered from depression for the majority of my life. I'm 32 now. In 2006, I had a breakdown and wound up on medication. I went from 190 lbs to nearly 500 lbs over the years. I've lost some weight over the past two years, and this year alone I've lost 114 lbs. I'm down to 346 lbs, the lowest weight in years. But I feel like I haven't accomplished shit in my life. When people hear of my weight loss, I'm asked "How do you feel?" or "Do you feel better?" or "I bet you feel really good". The truth is, despite saying otherwise, is that I'm fucking miserable. I'm more depressed than ever and want to die. I don't want to kill myself but I want everything to be over. I was doing good for a long time in dealing with counseling, but I was doing so well that we parted ways.
My home life has always been a wreck because of who I'm living with. It's my mom. She's the most stressful person I've ever met. The whole family knows that she has issues. It's exhausting even thinking about talking to her, which I can't ever do with her on any subject because she jumps to conclusions and makes everything about her. She'd be the only person that I can talk to and I feel like she's another stranger on the street.
I'm 32, and there's SO MUCH that I haven't experienced because my life was thrown off by a break down. I've never had any real friends, no girlfriend, not even so much as held hands with a female or a first kiss. I see everyone I know and am related to getting into relationships, getting married, having kids and I envy them. Things seem so easy for them. Never had anything in my name (which I never will because my mom fucked up my credit), never had my own place or car, I feel like I have no outlet despite working on music. The people I know and work with tell me that I'm extremely creative, talented and am someone that could change the world, but I feel like I'm not worth shit. Everyone else is so much better than me so I why should I even try?
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self.depression
|
I want to die, but I do not want to commit suicide.. any thoughts, idea's, suggestions? (extra point's for creativity) and please, no stupid comments like, "don't do it" & "life's too valuable" [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to end my relationship with my boyfriend, but I'm worried he'll kill himself. I tried posting this on /r/relationships, but they told me to post it here. I hope that's okay. If this doesn't fit the mods can remove it. This is the post.
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. We met online when we were both in a really bad mental state. He was the first man I ever truly loved, he's my best friend, and this is the longest relationship either of us have been in.
For reasons I don't entirely understand, I'm not happy as his romantic partner. I worry I jumped the gun on a relationship when I really just wanted a friend. No matter how hard I try, I just can't be content with how things are. I care about my boyfriend still. I care about him so much. I just don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. Ideally, I'd want to remain his best friend and he my best friend. But my past experience with relationships tells me that probably wont happen.
Over the past year and a half our relationship has become extremely codependent. We're in nearly constant contact and neither of us have a particularly large circle of friends outside of each other. I've tried addressing this with him in the past, but he doesn't see a problem with how close we are. How we're basically each others only friends. I've been trying to widen my circle of friends lately, and I'm encouraging him to do the same, but he doesn't have much interest.
He's an incredibly sweet guy. Someone I know will find other girls to be with. But he has very little self esteem and doesn't get out much. There was a point in our relationship where anxiety and depression really hit him hard. I did all I could to be there for him, support him, help him get through the battle he was fighting, and luckily he did. Over the course of a few months he was back to his normal self. I worry a lot about what would have happened if I wasnt there for him those few months. He has a history with depression and he hasn't really developed the ability to talk with people about it. It's a rough situation, because when he's feeling good, he doesn't feel the need to have a support network, but when he's feeling bad, he doesn't have the motivation to get help. He's a great guy, but incredibly stubborn. Basically since we met I've been trying to convince him to see a therapist, have one on standby in case he gets bad, or at least talk with his family about therapy. But I can't get him to budge or do anything and I don't know what to do to help him.
There was a point in our relationship where we did break up. For about a month. I hate to say it, but I was happier during that month than the last several of our relationship. But my boyfriend was miserable. I don't want to go over all the details, but my breaking up with him and the sadness from it consumed his life. He talked multiple times about self harm and suicide. There were a handful of nights where I was really worried he'd try something and it terrified me. I was scared he'd hurt himself and I'd lose my best friend forever. This fear and some loneliness of my own drove me to get back together with him. I know that was a bad decision. That it was stupid and undid any progress I'd made, but I was just so scared he'd hurt himself. I tried to encourage him to see a therapist, and when he got bad, check himself into a hospital, but he'd never listen. I really didn't have any control over the situation. It was the only thing I could do.
I don't know what to do with our relationship or my life now. I fucked up and I'm too scared of losing my best friend to even begin to fix it. Please, I need help.
TL;DR: I don't want to be in a relationship with my BF anymore, but I have reason to worry he'll hurt or kill himself if we break up and I don't know how to help him.
Thank you for reading this.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Lost How do I forget her when she's the only thing that comes to my mind from waking up from bed to going back to bed ?!
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self.offmychest
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Has anybody else lied to their therapist/counselor that they're getting better just so they don't feel bad? After giving a legitimate try at all sorts of techniques and lifestyle changes it just makes me feel bad seeing someone try to rack their brain to find a way to help me. I just say that different things work and I'm on the up and up because at this point only one of us should feel like a complete failure.
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self.depression
|
Instead of counting sheep, I say to myself "you deserve to die" over and over again to fall asleep. I'm hoping it'll be so drilled into my subconscious I'll eventually do it, but I'm still too much of a pussy. Fml
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self.depression
|
Help? I'm new to this site, but I think you guys might be able to help. My name is Triston, pleased to meet you all. I have been having suicidal thoughts for a while now, and I think I have depression. It's been getting worse, and I have almost tried to kill myself twice. Talking doesn't help, and I was wondering what I could do to make the thoughts go away?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
‘Twas the Night Before Heading Home for Christmas Look up to the sky and what do you hear?
A psychiatrist in his sleigh with eight tiny pills, dear:
Now Xanax! Now Lamictal! Now Zoloft! Now Buspar!
On Seroquel! On Latuda! On Remeron and Effexor!
.
But do you recall the most famous med of all?
.
Lithium the good old standby.
Or Depakote, with its fattening glow.
If you’ve ever been prescribed them,
You would know how much it blows.
.
Because sometimes all of the others,
They just don’t work for you.
So make friends with the people in the ER,
Because it's back to the hospital with you.
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self.bipolar
|
Invisible No matter who I am with or where I am, I am always just the invisible person. Everytime I speak I just get cut off, everytime I am able to get seomthing out, no one even acknowledges it. Even in places where one should be giving you attention like a restaurant. waiters/waitresses don't seem to notice me. it feels like I am violet from the incredibles. Except it happens in moments that I want to be seen:(
I've just learned to keep quiet forever...then they ask my why I don't talk and when I reply it usually ends up being forgotten, ignored, and cut off. Does anyone else deal with this?
The hole just gets deeper and deeper with this bullshit added on top.
Edit: meant the incredibles, not Fantastic 4.
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self.depression
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I want to love again. It was my only distraction [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Sleep and Frustration! Hooray! Hello all! I'm at my wits end with my wonderful inability to keep a normal sleep cycle.
One week I'll be able to get up with my alarm clock and go about my day feeling like I finally have my sleep down! Like shit, I can actually sleep like a normal person! And I feel like a normal person, not tired and functioning!
And then the next week reality hits me square in the face. I'm hitting snooze, just turning off my alarms, ending up being late, or just sleeping my precious day off away. It's wonderful for my self esteem and anxiety.
Oh and then the occasional "fuck you, you're going to be up all night" kind of nights. Like today has been so far. Can't get comfortable anywhere, be it the bed, floor, couch, other couch, other section of floor, and definitely not that arm chair.
I can't keep a semi-reasonable sleep schedule because my work doesn't allow for that. Hooray working 48 hours a week between the times of 830am and 2am! I can literally only have 3am-7am as consistent times to sleep. If only I can learn how to function off of 4 hours of sleep all the time and not just when I'm hypomanic.
It's always been this way for me, even before my meds (which are Prozac, Buspar, Klonopin, and Lamictal). It's great. I love it so much. Certainly helps my moods and ability to function in the world. Just kinda really really frustrated.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why stop my suicide? Life will go on, there's plenty of people in the world. I don't know why I'm posting this. The internet is probably the worst place to get feedback, especially since no one knows me. Why would anyone care or want to know someone like me, if I was anyone I wouldn't.
I'm 26, still in college. Growing up my parents were alcoholics, my dad would beat up my mom in front of me. They would get the cops called often on them. My mom would run and try to hide in my room as a kid, so maybe my drunken dad wouldn't find her and beat her ass for whatever reason he had. We lived in apartments, houses, hotels and campsites.
When I was in 5th grade we lived campsite to campsite for a year, it was extremely hard. Especially when my parents would get drunk and fight. I remember one night I was in our tent trying to sleep. I heard my parents start up( as usual), my dad hit my mom and the neighbor saw it. He asked if my mom wanted him to call the police, she said no of course. Later on he dragged her in our tent (with me awake but trying to sleep for school tomorrow) and basically raped my mom. I woke up in my bed soaked with pee, because I had to go that night but was too afraid to get up.
If anyone is still reading this, kudos to you. A lot of people don't like reading nowadays, and I understand if this is a waste of your time. We all have our problems.
So anyway, a lot more stuff happens as I grow older. When I'm a senior in high school, my dad is diagnosed with a special kind of cancer called multiple myeloma. It was hard, watching someone that you don't know if you love or hate them slowly die... Even today I'm confused. My dad was 6'5" and 300lbs, but he wasn't fat he just always had a big firm round belly. After all the chemo and dialysis, he lost a lot of weight it was crazy. He passed in 2011.
In 2011 we ended up in the shittiest and ghettoest part of town, it sucked. That night when he passed, was a night like any other. My parents were in the living room watching Andy Griffith laughing. I wasin my room playing Xbox with my online friends. I had painted this cool picture earlier that day, my dad loved it. As I was sitting in my dark room laughing with my friends playing midnight club or GTA (I can't remember), I hear my dad saying he was going to bed. He got up from his chair, made it to the hallway in front of my bedroom and fell down. My mom "Don are you alright??" He says yeah I'm fine, gets up walks a few feet and falls again. My mom at this point is selling his name. He army crawls to their bedroom ...and stops. At that point I grab my phone and call 911, it rang 3 times. I walk out and see my dad laying face down and my mom freaking out. I am the only sane one holding it together at this point. The 911 operator has my mom and I flip my dad over to make sure he isn't breathing, it was really hard flipping him over but as soon as we did.. we knew he wasn't breathing. His eyes, nose and mouth we're dark purple. A little while later the ambulance and emt guys arrive, they do CPR for 20 mins and eventually take him away. I still remember standing outside barefoot in my gym shorts and oversized dragon t shirt.
At the hospital, my mom, her friend, my boyfriend at the time, my dad's dad, dad's brother were there. The doctor came in saying it was a heart attack. They had my dad hooked up to all kinds of crazy tubes and things, sucking and pushing things into and out of my dad. It was strange seeing someone I feared all my life in that position. The only time I cried that night was when the EMT arrived. November 18, 2011 is when all that happened. Later on it was determined that the cancer actually reached his lungs and suffocated him, that's what they told us anyway.
Ever since then my mom has used me for money and insulted me in every way possible. My dad would always stick up for me, but now he's gone and my mom has always criticized me in every way she can find. I'll never be good enough for her or anyone it feels like. I'm not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, just basically not good enough in all aspects of life in her eyes. I've never been close with my parents and my mom now still doesn't care to be close to me.
Those are some things that weigh heavily on my mind, no matter what I do. I've been through a lot and that above is only scraping the surface.
I feel bad for my boyfriend because he loves and supports me in every way / everything I do, but I still have this dark creeping lingering depression. I've saught help, but I still can't help to think "Why would this stranger care about me? I'm probably just another paycheck for them anyways." I recently cancelled my therapist without telling them or anyone else. I want to cut everyone off and be left alone.
I doubt anyone has read this whole thing, but if you have stayed for this long thank you. I don't know why anyone would want to read this.
|
self.depression
|
Just depression things... When you start pushing people away
But then get sad because you have no friends
When you're showing obvious signs of needing help
But nobody seems to notice
When even if they did notice
You'd put your best fake smile on and laugh it off
When you want someone to talk to
But don't want to be annoying
|
self.depression
|
I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life I’ve just turned 15 and already one of my friends has a scholarship to M.I.T and another won a national competition that NASA made. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here crying at my computer with no achievements in life. Maybe I’m too young to want to do such great and important things but I feel like everywhere I look people are moving forward and I’m stuck where I am. It’s maddening
|
self.depression
|
Women on meds have you had this problem? Started taking fluoxetine 2 weeks ago yesterday. I started my period a week later. I'm now on day 7 of my period and usually it stops at days 6 to 7. There is no sign of it stopping.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have the flu, my boyfriend is going to visit his dad in the hospital and I’m afraid he’s going to get him sicker So two nights ago I starting come down with what I think is the flu (hopefully nothing worse) and I feel horrible. My boyfriend lives with me and was already a little sick before this so I’ve been worrying about keeping my distance so he doesn’t catch this too, if that’s even possible when you’re in such close quarters. Last night, his dad had a heart attack so my bf is going to the hospital this morning to see him.
I cannot stop panicking that he’s going to bring my flu germs and get his dad really, really sick. He’s older, so already more prone to catch it, but he’s weak from the heart attack and I’m afraid he’ll die if he catches it.
Am I being irrational?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why? Why does everyone always tell me that 'it'll be okay' and 'thing's get better' when it never is and never does? It's like everyone just wants to lie to me, I really want to kill my f#cking self but I can't because I don't want to slowly die but I don't know why it matters because nobody would care if I was gone. I could disappear forever and no one would notice. I have no future either and everything and everyone Is trying to kill me and I have no one to talk to but I don't deserve anyone at all, all I've done today is just sit in my room and listen to youtube and I don't even deserve to do that. I deserve nothing but more suffering for the thing's I've done and the thing's I have done to other's.
EDIT: I also forgot to mention that I'm always there for someone if they need me but when I need them they're not there for me even though some people say they are.
|
self.depression
|
The only thing that was keeping me going was college [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Why am I being kept alive? I'm being kept alive against my will. I have Crohns disease, endometriosis, chronic acute TMJ, severe social anxiety, and I'm flat out dumb.
I hate my life. I have nothing to contribute. Please let me fucking go.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I am always paranoid at night and can’t go to sleep [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
What do you do when you're bored? What do you do when you're bored but nothing seems interesting? What do you do when you've seen every episode of the only shows you like on Netflix and you can't get yourself to tune into anything else? And when none of your video games seem fun? What about when you have no friends to talk to irl and can't keep an online conversation going for more than a few minutes?
Nothing is appealing because of this damned depression but I am bored out of my mind.
|
self.depression
|
Going to try to get back into drawing in 2018 [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
This might sound weird but I thought some here might understand... [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
No sleep means funland for playingtricksonme So I go to bed shortly after my son goes to bed since his bedtime is creeping up there to 8:30 most nights. He is a teenager starting this week! This leaves very little time for me and my husband to spend together. I think I get plenty of sleep so cutting it down a bit wouldn’t hurt.
I wake up at 6:05 to wake my son up and get him in the shower. This is the standard time I wake up but sometimes I wake up early like today.
What I decided to do is drink caffeine pop a little later than normal. Before I didn’t drink any after noon. Now I am finishing it around 2:30.
I also pushed back my night meds from 7 to 8 since my geodon makes me tired.
Last night it was 9:30 and I was still up which was rare for me. Sadly my husband had something else he needed to do so I didn’t get to spend the time with him.
Apparently my husband has been telling me I’m having a mood episode for days but I don’t remember him saying this. Today I texted him that I thought I was having a mood episode and he said he knew. He says I don’t believe him when he tells me.
Anyway, I got probably 7 hours of sleep last night but for some reason I am feeling up. This morning I sang so many songs to my son. Brush, brush, brush your teeth and put your deodorant on. P-p-p-put your socks on rap. He even asked me why I was singing so much this morning. Don’t get me wrong I always make up songs but I guess I went overboard this morning.
It is probably not responsible of me but I took some sick hours from work because once I realized it I had an oh shit moment where I didn’t want to mess up at work.
Thinking about it yesterday I was researching the hell out of a particular subject. It was all I could think about.
I’m getting no visuals at all so I don’t think psychosis is near but I think I may have gone hypomanic.
My son told me yesterday that he is going over to a friends house to do their science fair experiment today but I haven’t heard from the parents so I don’t know if that is really a thing. I’ve been asking him to get his number so we can call and organize this because they are partners. He hasn’t gotten the number. The parents of this kid also are of different races like me and my husband. They are much older than us though.
I forgot to take my pills today until 10ish and I normally take them around 6:10. I woke up early with a nightmare this morning so that threw me off.
Anyway, I don’t know what the point of this post is. I just think I might have gone hypomanic. Hugs
|
self.bipolar
|
So uh, I just cut. a lot. For no reason [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I don't know how to feel about this. I think how I feel is wrong. Some background: Just recently, the 17th anniversary of one of the worst events in my life passed by. When I was 6 years old my mother had to work and our usual babysitter was at a NYE party. So my then 16 year old cousin watched me and my brother.
He molested me that night. It ruined my life. Not on its own, but with a host of mental health issues, I imagine my psyche had been quite... delicate. I have PTSD now from that, and two other assaults that happened later in life, but I've always seen that as the worst. I cannot forget it. Maybe my childhood brain buried it until puberty, or maybe constantly dredging it out in therapy or to explain why I don't like to be touched; I cannot forget.
Two days ago, his son and ex-mother-in-law died in a fire. He would have been a little older than I was, I think.
My mother told me that although she hates him, she doesn't think he deserved it.
Is it wrong that I do? He took my life from me, and maybe karma or life took one in return? Am I glad that his kid died? No. I just... don't care. Is that wrong?
|
self.depression
|
So I believe I have bipolar disorder. My father, his 2 brothers, his sister and his father, all have bipolar disorder. Accompanied with manic episodes that lead them into a race of words in nonsensical order, absolutely impossible things, walking around naked, staying up for days on end. My eldest brother is now presenting with these symptoms but his medication seems to help.
I myself feel defeated. I always used to say that you could make yourself not succumb to the disorder, but now as I age I find it harder and harder to escape my fate. (No pun intended). I can't hold a job down, I can never decide what I want or what I feel, I go on spending binges, I've been outrageously suicidal and my mood, or personality can change in a split second. I'm scared to admit that I may have it. I'm also scared because I seriously need help; medicine or therapeutic methods. Something. A diagnosis and a plan. I can't keep living my life this way. What do you guys think? I just need some confirmation. Someone please. I can't talk to my s/o out of fear of him saying I don't to protect my pride. Or anyone else to say in crazy for thinking I'm crazy. I don't know.
|
self.bipolar
|
Do You believe anxiety can cause physical symptoms? For example, do you think the brain is powerful enough to cause you to feel fatigued all the time.
|
self.Anxiety
|
just needed someone to talk to I found the resources page here, I went to www.crisischat.org and read the faq and terms and conditions. I sat and waited for almost an hour. They asked if I was doing it right now. I panicked, I told them I didn't know. I'm not currently in the act or anything. they told me chat is only for people committing suicide right now ??
is there a place I can just talk to someone?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I care about someone, and used to love them, but I'm finding myself not respecting them. Can you love someone without respecting them? Does this make any sense?
I have a friend whom I used to respect a lot but over the years they've shown me more and more of themselves and I don't like a lot of aspects about them. I've encouraged them to work on the detrimental aspects of their life, ones that they lament to me directly about, but they don't. I find myself feeling less and less respect for them, but I still care for them and want better for them.
Is it possible to love someone even if you don't respect them? Or do I respect them and I'm not seeing it?
|
self.offmychest
|
So tired I am so tired about life, about love, about to find someone who loves me.how could it happen? I don't even love myself.
|
self.depression
|
My boyfriend of 2 years just ended things And I’m okay with it. I’m free. I can breathe.
|
self.offmychest
|
Tapering SSRI- can anyone share experiences? I've been on Lexapro (Escitalopram) for anxiety/depression since I was around 12 years old, currently 19. My dose has ranged from 10mg to 20mg over time, but I've been on 20mg for the past few years as my anxiety worsened when I went on Adderall at age 16. While Adderall itself makes my anxiety worse, I've noticed that a lot of my anxiety and depression is actually connected to my ADHD and I've learned how to handle both relatively well. I'm also in a position in life where I feel like I'm stable and happy, and I don't want to be on Lexapro forever, so I was hoping to start to taper down (ideally to nothing, but down to 10mg regularly would also be a good change).
I'm on winter break from college for the next month, so I thought it would be a good time to deal with any withdrawal symptoms! However, I'm not really sure how to go about doing this. I've talked to my doctor and he basically told me to start taking 15mg and taper myself- my mom is a psychotherapist so she isn't an expert on medication, but he knows that she can provide some guidance through this all. I also have an appointment next week where I'll ask him for more advice, but I'm honestly just ready to start getting off these meds. After reading a lot online, I've heard that people have done everything from quitting cold turkey with the help of supplements like 5-HTP and Tryptophan to taking a full year to taper. I was hoping to do some mix of the two, and it would be ideal if I could finish the process within a month, but I know I have to listen to my body in this situation. Does anyone have experiences with tapering off an SSRI, good or bad? Most of what I've read is people talking about their awful experiences and I'm trying to remain conscious of the fact that there's some bias in the availability of information when it comes to this; people don't post about an uneventful experience, they post when they're having an awful or especially good one, and it's rare to have a good experience tapering SSRIs.
I hope this is appropriate for this subreddit, but as I'm on Lexapro for my anxiety and many other people here are/have been on SSRIs, it seemed like a good place to ask!!!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I think I might be suicidal, please help Right now I'm sitting in my dorm room alone, listening to the sounds of other people laughing outside and in other rooms, sounding happy and living the time of their lives.
I know, I'm being so depressing. I'm a second semester freshman. I get along really well with my roommates, but haven't made many friends. I eat all my meals alone which is just so pathetic, I know. I've made an enormous effort to make friends the first semester and have little to show for it. Trust me.
I used to be so happy and ambitious. Now thinking about playing music and drawing just exhausts me. I can barely get off the couch or out of bed.
The only person I've talked to about this was my boyfriend. He's so supportive, but he just does NOT understand what it's like to have anxiety and depression. He's also a few states away and has a whole new group of friends, so I'm obviously not needed.
As for my family? Don't even get me started. I have a terrible relationship with all of them. I'm too exhausted to expand on that.
I don't have health insurance so I can't get antidepressants, but I can talk to a counselor. Many times I feel like everyone's lives would improve if I were dead. Sometimes when I walk across the street I pause for a moment, hoping a car will hit me. I think I need serious help, but I just have NO one to confide in.
It's so depressing. This is supposed to be the best 4 years of my life and I'm miserable and feeling depressed and hopeless. Please, help me. Thank you so much.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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