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My girlfriend’s little sister (18) told me she’s bi. She doesn’t feel ready to tell her family. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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its new year and im just crying i dont feel good
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self.depression
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I can't function anymore Am I depressed or is this anxiety?!
Here's my story:
I've recently been the victim of blackmail by an abuser who threatened to release some text messages if I didn't do what he wanted, I told him to go F*** himself and blocked him, immediately told my family and close friends about it, posted a Facebook status saying I'm not responsible for these texts.
It's been about ten days and nothing happened, but I'm constantly feeling scared and I have this paralyzing fear of what would happen and how would people react if he released those text.
I have the support of my friends and family and I know I shouldn't care about it, but I just can't help it!!! I can't sleep, I can't eat, and most importantly I can't study and I have the most important exam of my life only a couple of weeks away.
Am I just being irrational?
I have this immense amount of fear and anticipation and guilt and shame and regret and I just can't stand it anymore.
The texts are a whatsapp conversation with some dirty stuff. I told everyone they were fake and that I didn't say these things to him and everyone believes me and have my back, but I just can't seem to move on.
I can't stop my brain from thinking about this.
Please help me.
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self.depression
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Just needing help talking me back from ledge. Had strokes. Have left side paralysis. I'm 27. It rly fucked my brain over. Been with husband almost 9 years and I at first forgot my feelings for him.
They're back but slowly fading. I'm tired of flip flopping. I'm afraid of contuing. What if my feelings change for him? Like. How? It's not fair for either of us but I feel so depressed and unhappy.
I still have around a year of recovery.
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self.SuicideWatch
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still suicidal I thought that if I started working I would be happier, but If anything working has made me more suicidal. I don't know what to do anymore because money doesn't make me happy, the only thing that made me happy was gaming but I don't even find that fun anymore. I only had one reason of staying alive which was for my dog, but I know my dog will be taken care of by my parents after my death. I have tried making my life better such as learning new skills, and going to college, I also now have a job that pays $14/hr and yes, I'm aware of how crappy that wage is. I literally have zero reasons to stay alive, and everyday I ask my self the same question "why haven't I killed my self yet?" I don't know the answer, and it seems theres an inner struggle between staying alive for just " one more day" and just offing my self.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Is there a way to say this without being rude? My dad wants me to go to his family's place for a few days for thanksgiving, I know I should go because I haven't seen them in a long time and frankly, my grandmother is getting old. But I really don't think I can handle it, I can barely stand going to the store. It's just that they'll ask so many questions and I don't know how to explain how my life is going right now without saying "yeah I've been at home doing nothing every single day since I got back from the hospital I was put into after my suicide attempt." Also I will never have time alone which I NEED, people are so much, and I have a big family and it's a small house. But I know my father is going to be upset because he doesn't understand why I don't want to see him or the family, and I can't be open with him about this. So I don't know what to do, sorry this was so long
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self.depression
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First panic attack of the season - trigger caution (anxiety) ''Tis the season...for anxiety! Yesterday, it happened. I was overstimulated, not rested, overwhelmed and a bit out of sorts from the depression I've been in for the last 2 months. Kids home for Thanksgiving break, looking to me for entertainment and an endless supply of fresh home cooked meals and goodies,all after I spent the last week helping my oldest prepare for her first formal event and all of the shopping and running around that goes with it. I haven't had a break and I need one. Hell, I haven't had a night away from my 6 year old since she was born! So, yes the chaos, noise, constant nagging, kid arguments, messes and such all just imploded on me at 9 pm when the 6 year old dropped a newly opened Gatorade that splashed everywhere and then she began to cry. I was trembling, terrified and so defeated as I comforted her and then cleaned the mess. I looked at my husband, said I'm not doing well, took a Xanax and went to bed. This morning, I apologized for leaving him alone to finish up putting the youngest to bed. His response? "Pick your battles". He doesn't understand bipolar and anxiety...so hence the response. And with this, I usher in the season of grinding my teeth and survival mode.
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self.bipolar
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You're not good enough. Try better next time. Disclaimer: I'm from the United States. I am not nor affiliated with the educational system.
My friends daughter was qualified to participate in Duke Universities talent identification search for grades 4-6. Only the top 5% of students are eligible to join. The program will focus on nurturing their academic talents and providing resources "they" need to reach their highest potential.
When I saw this post I immediately felt discomfort. In this country we are selective on who gets to excel and who diminishes. The educational system that this country had adapted and made is pure shit. What about the student who just doesn't understand but tries over and over to surpass whatever challenge they are facing? What about those students who have parents who are complete garbage and do not care for their wellbeing? What about those students who are growing up in poverty? Do they count? Because they fall below spectrum they aren't "good" enough to be allowed resources to help further them intellectually, to reach their highest potential. It's such a twisted and fucked up system that this country is adhering to.
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self.offmychest
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This is one of the worst days I've had in a while [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I went to my doctor and got finally got prescribed antidepressants. I'm pretty excited to start taking them, I can only hope things will get better. The only thing I'm nervous of is that its coming down to the last few weeks of this semester, and I don't want the side effects of the drugs, (btw I was prescribed a low dose of Zoloft) to effect my studying for an exam ( a chemistry exam which I'm not looking forward to)I have this Tuesday and specifically throughout the week. But I think I'll start taking it on Tuesday. Oh and I've been seeing a therapist and that's helped but still I feel like I can't shake it off. I'm just hoping I will feel normal for once.
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self.depression
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Oh hi, depression. OH HI, MAD MANIC ENERGY I fucking swear I'm rapid cycling or some shit.
This morning I was feeling euthymic. Feeling OK. Then I started listening to some pumped up music, got feeling really good, but made myself stop because I don't want to get super worked up.
Small crash. Irritable, nauseous, crash of energy.
Then I saw something on reddit maybe two hours ago that just set my depression off. Within an hour I was in full blown, leaden limb depression, crying, feeling absolutely horrible, with thoughts of self harm and anger just consuming my mind. Lunch and some Zelda helped me get back in a better place, but then as I was leaving my apartment I was just ambushed by horribly anxious feeling of "what if I didn't lock the door? My roommate is going to be so mad, we have so many electronics in the apartment, but if I go back I'm going to be late for my meeting!"
I went back. Running faster and faster up the stairs,...get off on the wrong floor. Go back up...I did in fact lock the fucking door and I just forgot I did, not 60 SECONDS before I started freaking out about not locking the fucking goddamn door.
I run all the way back down, across the street, a lady swerves to avoid me, I'm late to the meeting (at least it's a call-in conference call instead of face to face), my pulse is started to calm down, and I feel the same old depressive feelings setting back in as not an hour ago.
WHAT THE FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. God fuckign damnit!
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self.bipolar
|
Being called fat on the internet by a stranger hurts just as much as if someone said it to my face. I’m so tired of people attacking my body and immediately going for the “you’re fat.” I know I’m fat. I am working on it and it’s a slow process. Wish people would stop attacking my body.
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self.offmychest
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Wake up anxious I wake up every morning feeling REALLY anxious. It didn’t used to happen but for the last few months the SECOND I’m awake I have crippling anxiety. I’m not sure why. Has this happened to anyone else and does anyone know a way to stop it or at least lessen the effects?
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self.Anxiety
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Lamictil I’ve decided to get back on meds for the first time in years. Has anyone had any experience with lamictil? Most of the meds I’ve taken make me feel weird and I give up I am trying to hold on hope for this because I need to get my life back.
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self.bipolar
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I hate myself... So I smoke.
I drink Coke.
I don't sleep.
I hurt everything on the inside because the outside is too obvious.
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self.offmychest
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Update: it’s officially psychosis After talking to my pdoc about the shadow people, he doesn’t think it’s my change in meds. He thinks I’m slipping into psychosis. He upped my Latuda and instructed me to up it even more if I’m still paranoid and seeing things in the next 48 hours. I have so many questions about what this means. He thinks it’s the stress of the holidays even though I don’t feel stressed. I am diagnosed bp2 but does my diagnosis switch to bp1 because of the psychosis? It was my understanding you could only be bp1 and have psychosis in an elevated mood state. I guess I’ll find out more in the future. Thanks for everyone’s input and support. Looks like I still have a long journey ahead of me.
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self.bipolar
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Having extreme death anxiety the past few weeks and it's keeping me up. Will appreciate any advice for coping. The last few weeks my mind has been completely transfixed by thoughts about my inevitable death at some point in the future and my thoughts start spiraling out of control with fears about what it's going to be like. I just recovered from about a half hour long panic attack that was triggered by my thoughts, and I'm still shaking and sweating right now. It's the middle of the night where I live and I don't know if I'm going to be able to sleep at all right now.
I don't know how to get over this. Death is completely freaking me out. Life is also freaking me out. Time freaks me out and existence in general is completely freaking me out and I can't take it anymore. My girlfriend has noticed but I haven't told her what's triggering my anxiety attacks because I'm embarrassed of it. Today is our anniversary of dating and I'm worried that I'm going to be too preoccupied by my anxiety to have a good time with her.
I have always been terrified of death but it wasn't until these last few weeks where it has been triggering bad anxiety attacks. I need help coping with this, and any advice is welcome.
Edit: weirdly enough, simply writing out this post seems to have calmed my nerves a bit and I might be able to fall asleep soon since I have been hit with a sudden wave of tiredness. Comments are still welcome, I will reply to them when I wake up.
Edit 2: thanks everyone for the replies. Simply making this thread and reading the replies has been therapeutic and I really appreciate it.
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self.Anxiety
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Please. Help. Kill. Me. It's not getting better. Just please. Help me end it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm one disaster away from losing all sanity. Over the past year, I have felt my will to live continue to slip away. The drive I once had for a career and a will to make it in a world that constantly beat me down is not all but gone. I don't even spend time trying to have fun anymore.
All I think about is how the world will one day be automated and my husband and I will not have the means or education to survive. I worry about this bad house I bought and debate on if and when I will go bankrupt and how I will survive if I am not allowed a place to live. What happens once I do lose my job? I don't have much means to get another. I was only lucky after five years of trying. All the low pay ones will be gone with automation.
Can I learn to survive on the street? Do I want to try and survive? I have permanent damage to my feet that I can't afford to fix and an ongoing list of medical problems. I only wish one of those things would just hurry up and end me naturally.
I am 30 years old and I feel what the best life had to offer has already been shown to me. I feel that I was never meant to make it in this world. My mental illnesses are starting to show through and will one day cost me my job. There is no place in this world for someone like me that can't make it on her own.
The only reason I haven't ended things now is that I am trying to hold out until the worst comes. When the next time the car breaks down and I have no money, or the house floods, or just anything. Once something happens, I don't think I will have the will to deal with everything life wants to throw at me. In the end, there isn't anything worth fighting for even if I did. So why bother? I don't want to live to see what this world will turn into. I know I am done and I don't want anymore, but this world doesn't seem to want to take me naturally. I wouldn't want to see myself make it to 35.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Trileptal? in addition to lamotrigine (lamictal) (which has worked fantastic), my doctor JUST put me on trileptal. i was wondering what your experiences with it have been?! especially women in their early twenties. thank you so much.
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self.bipolar
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I don't like where I am in life, but I don't even know where to begin to change it. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Time is passing so quickly it scares me Christmas and New Year's were really nice, but I always get really anxious every new year's eve that time is passing so quickly. Seems like a few months ago it was 2013, what happened... It seems like there's no chance to fully appreciate the good moments. They pass by so quick, leaving only despair. I guess I am glad I can still appreciate a few positive moments.
Anyways, happy new year. Hope you all have a great 2018.
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self.depression
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Sex Drive Outweighs My Boyfriend's Hypersexuality is a big thing with me. The long and short of it is: I want sex almost all of the time when I'm in a high place, and my boyfriend has a pretty moderate sex drive on average. He can't keep up. I really do love him, but I also need sex just to help me feel like I'm not losing my mind. What do I do?
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self.bipolar
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I take meds, i go in group therapy and i see my psychologist. But i still feel so damn lonely. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anyone have any reviews for seroquel? I’m just starting it and so far I feel like extremely drugged. I don’t know if I should continue to see if it gets better or just stop. When I took it last night I was fine for a bit and then suddenly major heat and panic set in. I calmed myself after an hour and fell asleep. Now I’m awake and still kind of out of it feeling. This is only 25 mg at night.
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self.bipolar
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I touch myself in a non sexual way for no reason when i’m alone even holding my boobs! it’s just so comforting!
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self.offmychest
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I’ve started to dread going to my college job and I don’t know what to do It’s a great job. Great hours, nice office, exciting work, kind bosses and coworkers.
But I feel so done with it. I feel like my work is never done and it just keeps coming. I feel like I can never perfect all my reviews and keep getting criticism that sometimes is based off of things that didn’t even happen. I’ve got these irrational(or not?) thoughts that my coworkers think I’m weird or stupid or a bad worker. I dread going to my shifts.
Maybe I should quit? Or maybe it’s the depression talking? How do I tell and what do I do?
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self.depression
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I tried killing myself last night and for the first time in months I feel alive [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Thank you Reddit. You are the best. I love you all [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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It’s my birthday and I feel like cutting myself Yeah I’m born on Christmas, lucky or not, but all my life my birthdays haven’t been anything special, just celebrations with family and friends.
I’m 22 as of today, and my life has gone downhill this year. I spent some time with the girl I’ve had a crush on for the longest time during March and even celebrated her birthday with her. But she never saw me as anything more than a friend and I fell into depression. I confessed to her in May and long story short she told me she didn’t want to be guilty for making me sad and shit so she chose to stay away from me. I started cutting myself, and then started smoking as a substitute for that.
The shittiest part is that for the last 8 months I couldn’t help myself get better nor get over her. We still follow each other on social media and everytime I see her being happy it just kills me knowing that I can’t fall in love with anyone else but the person I’m in love with is doing okay without me.
And about 3-4 days ago I asked her if she wanted to go out for Christmas (without mentioning that it was my birthday because I wanted her to WANT to go out with me, not guilt her into doing so). The part that frustrates me most wasn’t that she said no or anything, it was that she didn’t bother replying at all. And I had to look at her social media as she posted photos of Christmas lights yesterday and I keep thinking that it should’ve been me right there with her.
Now my options are exhausted, I feel so fucking trapped and broken; trapped in a corner where I can’t or don’t want to move on, but I don’t want to guilt her into talking to me again because I wouldn’t be genuine. And the urge to cut myself has come back, and some part of me just wants to post it on social media so that she’ll see how much I’m hurting, but I know that she won’t ever look at me the same again.
I know some parts of this story seems iffy but I don’t feel like writing down everything that happened between me and her this year because even though I remember it all I feel the anxiety creep into my chest when I think about her.
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self.depression
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I don't know what I'm feeling right now. At the moment I'm typing this, I have an exam today. I'm in college going to be a third year, and going to switch to a new major because I can't science. Or at least, I just couldn't take the pressure people put on me. But at the moment, I just don't know what to feel or what to do.
I have so many deadlines, things to do before its too late and make sure I don't fail these classes I'm taking. But yet, I feel so calm, dreaming of what comes tomorrow or contemplating philosophical shit as if I got my head up my ass.
The pressure I feel doesn't really come from mostly from my parents, but half of it comes from other people who think I'm just so smart when I'm not and the other comes from myself. I hate being known or labeled as someone smart and someone to ask questions about a certain class we take together. I could say no, but something inside me just can't say no. In other people's eyes, I'm just too nice of a guy who always goes the extra mile without even knowing thats considered the extra mile(Don't ask. I was told this and I was never even intending to go that far). But how I perceive myself is just complete opposite of what people see. I think of myself as a guy who hasn't accomplished much in life, always stuck in one place and left behind by most people.
I'm always thinking of myself as the pet in a friend group, never a true friend who can get involved in normal everyday topics. In other words, one of those comfort therapy dogs or cats to mess around with because why not? Or that extra guy who's always side character in every show for comedic side relief or be of some one-time use to the main character then throw back to the side. While it sounds nice to be that guy, sometimes I just don't like it because it feels like I made no significant difference in someone's life in just helping someone with their homework or being their cute puppy in a group.
I don't want to be super popular, but I just wanted to be one of the guys to consider when there's a real trouble or when someone wants to confide some secret or what he or she is feeling. And everytime I try to spew out shit like this, nobody takes me seriously. They always brush it aside and be all like "You'll be fine man." I guess I wouldn't blame them since I just laugh when the odds are against me. Honestly, it's like a natural force of habit, I don't exactly remember when this started happening or exactly why. I would always think that laughter always calms me down and start dreaming of what comes after, but that's just me. Like right now, I would laugh and smile when I have so much shit to get done, and I lie to myself that everything's okay, that I can do it when I obviously feel like I can't. Maybe I feel stressed, but some part of me doesn't think so. And I just can't put my finger on it. Sorry if it seems like a mess here, I really don't know how to spew out out all this properly.
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self.offmychest
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I am entirely, unambiguously alone. What do I do? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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What defines a suicide attempt? A little while ago, I drove to a famous bridge near me at one a.m, stood on the edge, and considered jumping. But I wasn't crying. I was just calmly standing there, reading the notes people had left to please choose life. I was texting a friend of mine at the time too. They knew where I was and reacted as anyone would but was I using them as a life-line or for attention?
A few days after that, I wrote a suicide note. I haven't shown it to anyone or told anyone about it so I know it's just for me. It's a couple pages of rambles about what I'm feeling and why I think I'm feeling that way and the header is a collection of names of people that I think would be sad if I died.
tldr: I stood on a bridge and thought about dying, then went home a wrote a suicide note a few days later. Did I attempt suicide?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Distance I distance myself because no one deserves to put up with me, because my own mind tortures me to the point that I don't want to live, it's not that I want to die, not that I want to kill myself, just that more times than not I have no desire to continue living in this mental state of anguish, I distance myself because if or when I ever decide to end my life, I don't want there to be a single person left that cares about me.
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self.depression
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Idk My friends keep on teasing me and asking me to go out with them like watching movies and stuff. The thing is I have social anxiety and im always uncomfortable with 2 guys in the clique. I realise I am always not happy being with them. But they keep on asking me to go with them there was once where I revealed to them my anxiety but until now they seem to not understand. I really am fearfulof explaining stuffs to them and Ive been uninstalling whatsapp just because of this.am I just a little bitch or they aee fake friends?
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self.Anxiety
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I’m really manic and this is “they do” tell me what you think People think that they understand. However if they did, they would not want to talk about it or converse. We know that it is mean't to be personally enjoyed, not up for monotonous discussion. Cars are going by extremely slow and lights are blaring, streaking as they go by. The air is warm somehow without melting the snow that feels so cold under my feet even though i am wearing boots. The fact that some cannot relate to this feeling is almost cathartic without identifiable reason. Validating. Some say that feelings come and go, which is true, but I would not categorize it as a feeling; much more a short term, unbridled lifestyle that graces me with its presence every so often. I know that they could not possibly be experiencing this natural phenomenon because those that do, do not care to describe it, but rather express it in forms of art- though sometimes the art comes in mediums such as that twinkle in our eye and the way we subtly flick our tongue while discussing mundane topics such as the weather. This is because the weather is not mundane to us, nor is anything. Everything is interconnected and purposeful, again without reason. Everything just is. I believe that there is so much more to being alive than unintentionally ignoring the details that comprise our day to day lives because in my opinion, paying attention to the details that not only surround us but also internally make up our being, is the hallmark of living. Details: the fluttering of eyelashes, the corner of lips stretching into a smirk but only for a brief moment, eyes becoming temporarily glossy while thoughts dare to venture beyond reality, a chest minutely expanding while lungs are filled to half capacity, knuckles turned white from nervous clenching of fists, pupils dilating due to a passionate wave of emotion, pursed lips while considering a new prospect. The smack of car tires tearing through a wet street knowing, absolutely feeling every single piece of gritty asphalt coming into contact with the tread of black rubber. The streetlight doesn't turn green; the signal that it turns has no name. How could something so vibrate be labeled. How could anyone dare to categorize something so true. The scarf that the pedestrian has draped around their neck is so textile that there is no accepting that they are aware of the intricate fibres in which it is composed of. We can not even begin to describe what has happened to our perception of reality, anyone who has ever felt this way does no dare to try and identify it. Almost as if it were sacred. But they can, and they have. And they will continue to: we are ill.
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self.bipolar
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I’m scared to go back to college. Not for the academic reasons. But my friends. I’ve been a lone wolf although highschool and before but when I went to college I found the best group of friends I thought I ever had. Well stuff happened and I took a semester off and i just seemingly disappeared from them. I live close to the school, so coming to hangout would be no problem but they’ve made a desperate group chat with out me and never invite me out and just say “just come out, we don’t care!” But like that just seems rude? They made living plans for next year with out me, and it hurt but I was like whatever, I’ll find something. So I found one but it was with a girl one of my friends didn’t like but now I’m being called a horrible friend for living with someone they don’t like but they never wanted to include me? I’m just so scared to go back to school feeling so alone and like no one truly likes me, it just leaves me wondering what’s so truly wrong with me, or what makes me so embarrassing no one wants to be around. Sorry for the long probably doesn’t make sense rant I’m just having an anxiety attack after I asked in the one group chat if they wanted to go to the basketball game tomorrow with me and they all just read it.... what’s so wrong with me?
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self.Anxiety
|
It's my mom's 50th birthday today And I'm sitting in my bed, crying, and have been for the past 24 hours because I'm scared of going to her birthday party. I'm scared of doing anything. I feel like shit and I'm scared to look at people. I feel like such a failure.
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self.Anxiety
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I doubt almost every social interaction I have. I’ve done it over the past 12 years (I’m 22 now) where I feel fine talking to people in the movement, but later at night - in bed - i constantly re run every conversation in my head in order to see if there is anything that I could have said that could have resulted in a more favorable outcome.
Now, more recently, I’ve found that when I am interacting with new people - for example when my close group of friends introduces other friends into the group - I try to be normal and jest/have banter/make jokes but eventually i turn very silent and remain mostly withdrawn from the conversation and group dynamic.
It’s gone from trying to fit in with my friends and trying to be accepting and welcoming of the people they are trying to bring in but the result is that i become uncertain who is there and for what purpose and this makes me incredibly anxious because I want everyone to have a good interaction with each other’s.
This sometimes builds up into a sense of feeling where I just feel like I am not needed in the equation of the social group. this is feeding into some of my suspicions that my friends -with good purposes- are trying to keep me involved in group events but i do not know whether it is for genuine reasons or just out of pity.
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self.Anxiety
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Dos and donts of depakote? I'm being started on depakote in addition to ziprasidone from "ultra rapid cycling". Is there anything I should know? I'm scared
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self.bipolar
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I am reaching a point of no return A few years ago I was driving home from work and I have been going through a rough time with losing family and no fulfillment in life. As I was driving I took my hi point 9 and put it to my head. I say there driving a few miles and thought to myself. "What reasons do I have to live?" The only thing I thought of was my younger brother. Today I am having those thoughts again and I feel that if I put that gun to my head again. I won't be able to ask myself that same question... All I am thinking about now is finishing work and going home and grabbing my gun...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is Christmas always such a fuckfest? You'd think it would make people happy, but I guess the "spirit of the season" is a scam. The family arguments get worse, obligatory spending gets everyone stressed, it's bad for everyone. I just stay in bed all day, ideally I should be out working so I don't drown in debt, but I just can't bring myself to it. Fucking hell, I hope I die in my sleep so I won't have to get up tomorrow.
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self.depression
|
why do i feel this way? i feel nothing yet i think about everything. I keep thinking about how shitty I am, how ugly I am, how nobody will ever worry about me, how my friends will leave me because I'm enclosing myself, how I don't want to ever leave my house (especially my bed), how I'd be better off dead.
I keep thinking those things and yet I don't **feel** them. I don't know how to explain it, it's so strange because I keep thinking so horribly of myself but I don't feel it, so I don't know if I'm feeling emotional pain or anything, it's so frustrating and I feel so... **fake**.
please, help.
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self.depression
|
NEW TO LITHIUM Was prescribed lithium today starting at 300mg honestly im so scared i go up in dosage every week, either this will be my saving grace or my worst nightmare. I check in with my psychiatrist in two weeks. Lithium experiences?
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self.bipolar
|
Happy Freaking New Year I’ve been excited all week about tonight! Staying home, having a quit safe night at home. Heading to bed early....having some awesome sex!! All the hype was for nothing!!! Happy freaking new year!!
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self.offmychest
|
There are so many things going wrong. I can't take it anymore. For some context, I've been depressed and an addict since I was 15 or so. So four years, and never thought suicidal thoughts etc would be a problem for me. But hell, here they are continuing to crop up out of the blue. I never lead the best life and was never the nicest person, but I knew where my problems where and tried to fix them, maybe that is the problem that I tried to do so alone without help. I'm never happy and I'm always just looking for one more fix that keeps getting bigger and bigger than the last, and it's tearing me down. I'm a public servant of sorts and save life daily and it just keeps takes piece after piece from me, burnout I believe is the term, but had I quit or got help when I started noticing it I'd probably be fine, instead I let it infest me and screw with my mind and the end result is a person who is broken beyond repair who just lost a great friend and wonders how the world just keeps on moving after it. Who wonders daily who would care if he took his own life. I see posters daily saying suicide isn't the answer, then what the fuck is? I know how beyond help I am so why even bother. I'm just so lost in everything and I see only one exit from this hell. Having to balance this college and my job along with people, family, and whatever else has taken its toll on me. I always wanted to explore the world after college, but I don't know if I'll last long enough. Advice?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Life is hell I'm just an anomaly that should have been snuffed out. Now I can't even work up the courage to snuff myself out. Why was I only born to fail and suffer? I don't want a good life anymore, that's an impossibility. I just need to not exist.
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self.depression
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I'm thinking of ending it all This was supposed to be a better year for me. I came out to some ppl. It was supposed to be exciting in the exploration of my newfound sexuality. Very FEW good things happened. Basically, all year I pretty much suffered. I suffered for 5 months over the loss of an ex who stopped talking to me And now I'm suffering over my friend having moved outta state and I really like her. I wasn't able to help her effectively or move her in. Long story. Anyway, I'm starting to feel like every year will be shit. That I'll never get what I want That ppl won't listen to me or take me seriously That things/or ppl I adore will be taken away
This might be my last year. I can't take anymore pain. I'm pretty done.
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self.SuicideWatch
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15 years I've wanted to die. Recently I've moved closer to an actual plan. I'm ready. Im giving up and I needed to say it somewhere. I can't do this anymore and it calms me to know that at any moment I'm ready.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Girls like confident guys. They hate shy incels It’s over for us shycels. Only chance to find love is through plastic surgery and becoming 9+\10.
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self.depression
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I hate therapists. None of them actually care or help. They just want your money.
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self.depression
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Precocious Intellectual Children Hmm. Wondering right now how many PICs (and former PICs) are out there in r/bipolarville. The *most* manic person I have *ever* known [fit the description](https://www.google.com/search?q=intellectually+precocious+child&oq=precocious+intellectual&aqs=chrome.3.69i57j0l5.5553j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) and agreed with me when I floated it to her. The *second* most manic person likewise. And it sure works for *me*.
Anyone else *identify*? (It might be useful to do so if it's accurate, because it sure yanked a lot of the shame, guilt, worry, remorse, regret and morbid reflection that was making life more difficult than it had to be right out of all three of us.)
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self.bipolar
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Remind Yourself This is my first post here in r/Anxiety and I just wanted to say that it's always good to take stock of your life and remind yourself how good you may have it. Take the time in 2018 to periodically stop and think of positive things in your life, then be grateful for them. It's so easy to get engulfed in the negative that permeates our world and to forget the good things. Even if it's the most minute detail, if it's positive, revel in it.
For me, it helps when I get overwhelmed with my anxiety to remind myself that, in the grand scheme of things, my life is actually pretty good. If your life isn't great for whatever reason, keep telling yourself that it will get better because eventually, it will. Happy New Year and I hope this helps anyone who needs a reminder. You're not alone and life is good.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm scared of putting my weight back on I've lost 20kg in fat and put on about 10kg in muscle! But I'm having some issues and I think I'm going to put it all back on and it scares the fuck out of me
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self.depression
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I could really use some thoughts on this I had a frustrating day. I'm going through med changes so that has to be why but I had a breakdown at school today. I'm a teacher. Long story short I had stuff to do through my planning period and lunch and I HAD to do the stuff THEN and there was no other chance. It wasn't in my control. I broke down on the verge of tears to my principal nonsensically trying to say what was going on but everything came out a jumbled mess. I texted her about it not long after. She was cool about it. She knows all about my bipolar.
I feel like I have the emotional regulation of a toddler. I can't handle the thought of having no control over my emotions to the point that I'm crying over small things.
I feel totally inept. I can't control my emotions and outbursts. I'm not yelling or anything but I almost cried in front of everyone, including my kids, over a little stress.
I don't know how to reason my way through this. I don't know how to cope with this level of not having control. I feel like an idiot. I know they're symptoms but they're such dumb symptoms. Why can't I knock it off? Why can't I just get over it and move on like a normal person? Why do I keep going back to almost crying?
Y'all, I need some comfort or logic or whatever because I really do feel inept right now. I hate this. I'm crying over it right now.
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self.bipolar
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I just tried to commit suicide and it didn't work help I need to commit suicide. I'm 15. I dont have a future. Im a disgusting trans, parents and siblings dont accept me and are hyper religious, I have no friends, not in school, bullied in my past, have anxiety to where i can talk to no one, not even my parents, depression as well, the only person I have is my boyfriend who is leaving me for some random girl irl because he doesnt like long distance. He's all i had. I tried to hang myself and let myself dangle for some time but i didn't pass out. I could barely breathe, each breathe was a tiny wheeze... I was trying to get a therapist but my parents are gatekeeping me from it. I dont find fun in anything anymore, I have no one to talk to, i'm stupid, retarded, and a waste of space. My heart is physically aching right now. I dont know what to do, Im going to try it again later when my parents are sleeping/not at home and this time ill kick the thing that was under me to make sure i complete it.
update: I dont want to admit this, i hate admitting this, but tonight isn't the night. But this week will be the hardest. With the jealousy from my exbf and the heartbreak, plus my parents' gatekeeping, I dont know how I'll make it. I might do it some other day or something... I want to call someone if I think about suicide, but I dont know who/what I should call. I don't want to be put in an institution, I've heard stories on how nasty and disgusting they are, and how you have to share rooms etc. I dont think that would make me feel anything but worse. If I get sent somewhere, send me to a hospital where I am the only person in the room. Which number should I call for this and do I need to say something specific to not be put in a room with someone else? This is the thing that's keeping me from calling anything the most. My fear of other people. Too much anxiety for me to handle. Thank you for all the help... it feels good to know I'm not alone.... Seriously...
update 2: i have been depressed again for the past few hours and I'm reading up on the mental institutions. I dont want to go there. I cant. But i need help. There's nothing i can do
update 3: unstable emotions i feel like i can handle it at one point and the next i want to scream and like.... idk what im going to do someone help
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self.SuicideWatch
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My sinus infection is giving me the worst anxiety I’ve ever had I’ve felt like a completely different person for the past month. I can’t stop googling symptoms and I’m worried I’m going to feel this way forever. I’ve never had bad anxiety at all until this happened. I just started meds to hopefully clear this up but I feel so helpless. I just feel different and off. My vision especially has had a change but I can’t really describe it and it’s bugging me the most. I feel like my body is especially hypersensitive to the infection and my body is in panic mode. Has anyone else had an experience with a sinus infection and anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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I am really lonely and I don't know what to do. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm not even waiting for the new year. I'm going to kill myself today. Still working out the details, but I can't last another minute.
Worst case scenario, I'll do it by the strike of midnight on New Years
I'm going to torture myself and sabotage whatever I can until I'm pushed over the edge. I'm going to start by burning myself with cigarettes, then impulse quitting my job, shaving my head, I'll work out more things as I go
I need to die. I can't wait.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depression is like an eternal flesh wound... Depression is like an eternal flesh wound in the sense that, it's not fatal on it's own, but you bleed. And boy do you bleed.
You can put bandage after bandage, gel after gel, treatment after treatment, yet; it refuses to cooperate, continuing to bleed.
Continuing to drain us of our blood, our energy, our *sanity*.
But no matter how long you've bled, people will always say ,
"It's just a flesh wound, suck it up until it heals",
But the biggest difference is, if someone were to genuinely have an eternally bleeding wound, it'd be "humane" to let them die.
Why are **we** left to bleed...
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self.depression
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I've tried like 4 times to make a decent title and gave up each time, so fuck it. I feel alone and hopeless even though I rationally know I have a possibly bright future if I continue to try. I have a good relationship with my family and I have two very close friends, so why do I believe I deserve to die? I feel like I've been carrying a giant weight for a few years and I want to give up. I've been looking at poisoning myself. I'm rambling, I guess I don't want to feel alone right now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nostalgia hurts because I know it'll never be the same again I wish it were cold and raining/snowing outside and it was morning and I'd be inside cozily wrapped in my blanket and watching old cartoons like The Looney Tunes and Tom&Jerry without a care in the world, and it tears me up inside because it's never going to happen again.
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self.depression
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Trying to understand where my depression comes from As a preface, I'd like to say that I am doing this as an alternative to therapy. I would like to go to therapy, but I don't have the money or the time.
I have always assumed that my depression came from within; that is to say that I have a chemical imbalance or unexplored feelings or that humans as a whole just carry a sadness with them that is meant to spur them to action.
However, recently it has occurred to me that much of my depression stems, I think, from external factors such as school, the state, cultural values, etc.
It almost feels like we (in America) are being brainwashed or indoctrinated as we are raised. It is very hard to pen down (which is why I am attempting to write this, so that I might be able to organize the thoughts), but it feels as though we are living in a society that is not conscious at all of the human condition. It seems that most of us never confront the bizarreness of our existence or the pain that everyone endures on a daily basis.
As I get older, nothing about our society makes any more sense yet the responsibilities that are placed on me continue to grow. Most people who live here, I assume, are trying their hardest yet the benefits for their efforts continue to shrink.
I can't help but feel some malevolent force pushing us all around, arranging us like puppets.
There is a concept that I heard recently about how one group might try to divide another; an external force fabricates and introduces divisive information to a group or body and by doing this causes the structure to collapse from the inside.
This was a concept that pertained to Russian influence of American politics, but it seemed eerily familiar to what has been going on for decades if not centuries or millennia.
Why has every population always been so divided? Why is it that we cannot unify for what seems to be an objective pursuit (the propagation of happiness and wellbeing)?
I feel as though I am rambling and I don't have much more time to write this, but hopefully someone can make sense of it or identify with it in some intuitive sense.
I just feel lost and I know that I am not the only one and I know that we could be doing much better as a society to help those who do feel lost.
I guess I'm just trying to open a discussion, so share your thoughts please.
Try to have a good day, folks.
(edit for formatting)
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self.depression
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I hate how I feel..... Happy thanksgiving.... I moved with my cousins on the other side of the country. My family (dad sis and step mom) are currently making the turkey and food to get ready for tonight. This is my first Thnxsgiving away from home. Here with my cousins, no plans, they're going with their dad to a restaurant. Its weird to me..... I can't go bc I don't have money. Idk... I feel terrible.... I feel homesick.... Anyone else spending today alone?
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self.depression
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Fuck you brother Dude my bro who habitually uses drugs, just asked me to manipulate our mom into buying him as he said "200-300 dollars worth of grocery" and now he's fucking acting like I'm the fucking asshole when I told him that's both unrealistic and fucked up. Fuck head. He needs to OD already.
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self.offmychest
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I Finally Understand Anxiety "Triggers." For context, I am about to graduate college (probably lol), and I am trying to complete my senior thesis which I am very behind on. Because of that, I have been facing some pretty severe academic anxiety.
It's the little things. Checking your email. Opening up a word document or pdf file, going to the library, trying to catch the bus. Watching the clock move. All of the things that remind you where you are. It's all these little things that give you a twinge of anxiety. Hell, even driving by the place where I got the first email saying that my project was in bad shape does it for me. They get your heart rate up and cause you to wince or stop in your tracks.
I always knew about triggers like this and respected them in others, but this is the first time I know what its like. It hurts my focus and ruins my day. It reminds me that I might not be good enough. It makes me tear up in the library like I'm doing now.
I just wanted to say if you are going through this too, I understand how you feel, and we are in this together.
Thank you.
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self.Anxiety
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Hit rock bottom and the thoughts are intensified I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and it was my fault. I broke her heart. She can't be with me until she forgives but i dont know if that will happen. I am struggling to find a stable job. My dad's death last year still affects me. I went overseas on a whim over the weekend to escape. Got drunk and pissed in my friends closet of clothes. Rode my rental motorbike drunk and into a ditch. Literally felt like rock bottom.
Only thing stopping me is my housemate finding me. Leaving my mom and my sister without me. The pros however is that everything will end.
If I didn't have them i would try to kill myself a long long time ago. I have had these feelings for so long - ever since high school when i broke up with my last and only girlfriend.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anxiety sucks. I'm feeling anxious. Started thinking about the wedding I have to attend in a few weeks. My cousin, younger than me, is getting married, and my whole family is attending.Here, weddings are an all out event, you need to get new everything. Shoes, clothes, get your hair, nails done, the whole shabang, and I'm broke. Broke means different things to different people, for me, I have $20 to my name. Had more last week but I needed to replace my specs after they broke like 6 months ago, priorities. Still have loads of more important things to get but I don't want to look like the poor cousin. My family isn't. Been avoiding family gatherings for years, but I can't skip this one. How do I get my life in order in 2 weeks when I haven't been able to in 6 years?
BTW I'm 30.
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self.depression
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Want to curl up in my dark room when it gets closer to having to go to work. [deleted]
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self.depression
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An Open Letter to Those Who Can't Handle Me at My Worst I have been so frustrated lately because I've had "friends" talk about me behind my back (or on social media) because I am "so negative" or because I have a "darkness" inside of me that they don't want to deal with. I have been in a pretty good mood lately and it feels like these people are just bringing me down. I'm not sure whether I should cut them out of my life completely, but I did write an open letter to anyone who shames/belittles people who are depressed/have mental health issues. It made me feel somewhat better, but I feel like I need to take some kind of action. Here is the letter: https://barefootaya.com/2018/05/09/an-open-letter-to-those-who-cant-handle-me-at-my-worst/
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self.depression
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I feel like i haven’t fully developed (emotionally, physically, or mentally) I’ve been dealing with depression & anxiety symptoms for over 2 years now and I’ve searched trying to find help. I’m starting to think it was due to my childhood and not fully developing. I always felt different (gay guy, never liked my family mainly bc they are very ‘redneck’ and I’m more upkept, lived in the country so I was very looked down upon bc of my sexuality & even cyberbullied) but I feel the lack of social contact has affected me now. I always kept to myself and would avoid contact with others to the point of just sitting there & staring down at the floor. I can’t push myself to initiate/continue a conversation with new people, I have anxiety over meeting others (to the point where I would avoid medical appointments). And I feel I haven’t learned how to properly take care of myself (in terms of eating properly, nutrition, only ever eating limited selection of foods). I’ve only had a couple one-night sexual encounters with other guys so I’m not experienced in how to approach/attract guys.
Ironically enough, I am doing well in university and I don’t struggle with grades or assignments. But I am starting to feel the effects of my anxiety is spilling over into my study habits.
Anyone ever feel like this? Anyone have suggestions for where/how I can reach out for help? I’m not really sure where to go and it’s starting to really put me in a bad place (Me just wants to be normal 😭)
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self.Anxiety
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Scared of myself I'm terrified of myself. I'm scared of where my thoughts take me and indulging on an impulse. My mind has become the most damaging thing to me and I don't know how to stop it.
Desperate for help to drown or combat my own mind!
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self.SuicideWatch
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no title The only words I have for myself are ones that are bitter, and sting. This supreme cloud is looming over me, hailing to my frequent and all-consuming inadequacy that I can't seem to escape for five minutes. I've grown so use to taking abuse in my life that I've begun to do it on their behalf with their harrowing, forced absences.
Peace is unobtainable.
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self.offmychest
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I’m in a funk, and I’d like advice on how to cope Background: I have general anxiety disorder. Typically, I’d consider myself to have high-functioning anxiety, as it doesn’t interfere with my ability to live a (mostly) normal life. It mostly manifest itself in obsessive worrying and nervous ticks. For the past year and a half, I have been using CBT and ERP as well as a lot of self-talk to get me through even my most anxious days. I am not on any kind of medication for anything.
But for the past month, I haven’t felt happy. I’m not sure what’s causing it. I have a short temper lately and tend to get upset/worried pretty easily. I also had a few panic attacks in the past month, and I haven’t had panic attacks that frequent in about a year and a half. The more I worry and the more I think about my funk and my panic attacks, the worse I feel.
I am afraid of what could happen if this funk doesn’t end soon. I don’t want to be a downer around friends. I don’t want this to affect my relationship. But I’m not sure what to do to change my situation.
Tl;dr does anyone have advice for how to effectively get through/cope with a deep blue funk?
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self.Anxiety
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Help.. please.. My whole life I've been a dick to my dad.. raising my voice, arguing, not wanting to talk to him but I've always loved him. TIL that he might have liver cancer and he's been puking up blood..
After an argument that I had with him today, it just hit me.. my father is going to die soon (if cancer) and not see me walk to graduation stage for my under grad... He's put in so much work into watching me succeed that I don't know what to say or do.. we are a low income family and we cannot afford chemo or anything like that.. so yeah.
From what I've been hearing my sister speak about is that my dad, even though I'm a complete dick, always cry about me. For example we are getting cut off of our insurance and he woke up crying because I need the insurance to get my levo pills for my hypothyroidism.. he's always been there for me but I have never been there for him...
He honestly didn't deserve a son like me. I heard him crying 5 minutes after I apologized saying he never had luck with his kids.. (his kid, my step brother in another country is ignoring him and he hasn't been in contact with him for atleast a decade).
I don't know what to do or how to make things better. I told my sister how I feel and she will talk to him for me but aside from that, I fucked up.. I fucked up my dad's life, and he's always tried hard and been there for me.. fuck.
TL:DR; dad is getting real sick, I've been nothing but a dick to him even though he's always been there for me. I don't know what to do, I already apologized.
Please take the time to read the whole thing..
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self.offmychest
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How can I tell someone I have depress without outright saying it? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Strange feeling in head-anxiety and social media For the past one-two month, I have been feeling some kind of tension building up in my forehead. It in really in the centre of the forehead, where the third eye is said to be located. I also am experiencing some kind of movement in my crown spot in my head. I have shown this to the best doctor in Delhi, India and he's saying that it is some kind of the start of migraine stage. I was really worried about this when I heard this and still whenever I hear this, I feel a little depressed. He suggested some heart medicine and I requested him to delay it. He relented on the condition that I should exercise everyday for an hour and sweat like anything. I really don't want to be on meds as before this I have got off one year of anxiety meds and therapy. I really don't exercise and feel even bad about that coupled with the strange pressure I feel in my brain/head. My social media usage on my phone is also very high~4-5 hours per day and I am also unable to control this. Is social media related to this? Please help, suggest something. Thanks
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self.Anxiety
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After 20 years, I feel love from maybe 2 people. [deleted]
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self.depression
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My friend was beaten up pretty badly, and I find it funny A few of us were in a bar on Tuesday, and he got talking to some girls
I'm not sure what happened, but they were telling him to go away, then shouted at him to leave
He kept trying to talk to them, and a guy just unleashed on him. It was like a fight from a comedy movie
My friend was slapped by three of the girls and as he was trying to crawl away, the guy was literally kicking his ass
Afterwards he was fighting back tears and kept saying "just leave it" when asked about what happened
He's angry because my friends and I found it amusing
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self.offmychest
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Need your help to fight depression Hello
I don’t know if anyone will take the time to read this but here I go
I’ve been reading posts from this “depression part” of reddit for a while now and I know that you guys are really kind and helpful with people who are struggling with life and I’d be happy to have your opinion on my thoughts and what I intend to do. I am shit to express myself so I hope that it will be clear enough
To sum up I’ve been feeling depressed for many years now \(will be 21 yo soon\). I’ve ignored it for too long and now I am controlled by my depressive behavior and have the strong regret that I have lost many years of my life. Last year after hitting what I though was the bottom \(loosing weigh, can’t feel pleasure in things I used to like, apathetic… If you spend time here you know all this\), I’ve decided to change. Sport helped me a lot when I was a kid so I went to the gym. To force myself to fight against my social anxiety, I joined people who were doing fencing and joined an association of my school to do group projects in the domain I used to love \(spatial with the hope that it would bring back this passion\). It may be nothing for many of you but it was a huge step for me, who was laying in bed all day doing nothing and staying away from people.
None of this worked. I am losing again against myself. I am tired both physically and mentally. I really tried and at the beginning I thought I was winning. For the first time I tried to talk to a friend about my condition. It was scary at first to admit that you are a weak person needing help but I’m glad I did it. Anyway I don’t want to bother him to much with it so I’m asking it to you:
I think the only way to show myself that I am worth being happy, that I can have some value to somebody and that I am not only shit is to face what I fear: talking with people and especially meeting a girl. I am a kissless 20 yo virgin and I would like to know what it’s like to be loved. I have to punch my social anxiety really hard to kill it because I can’t spend one more year not living life. The thing is that I am not good at all with people, am not an interesting person and I have many insecurities. I cannot imagine a scenario in which I can be attractive in any way to anybody. I know that at the beginning I will fail and fail and fail… I am scared that those failures will affect me a lot and that I’ll do a mistake but I am running out of ideas to get better and I have to do something rapidly. I am tired of feeling like this and I am scared that it will stay like that all my life. I’ll try dating apps to begin softly \(I don’t think I can handle approaching a girl for now, but I hope I’ll get to this step quickly\)
So what do you guys think, is it a good idea? Can somebody who tried this thing share their experience with me or give me some advice?
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self.depression
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My anxiety is going through the roof; I’m having to choose suffering through the worst pain I’ve experienced, or go completely broke. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I need answers If anyone here has successfully "beaten" depression, i just want to know if life ever gets that special quality back that depression seems to take away. (I don't really know what else to call it, but i figure that someone will know what i mean). I need to know if the whole feeling like a spectator in you own life thing is a symptom, or a scar left by the depression
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self.depression
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Extremely lonely and single my whole life. Ladies, I’m really looking for help and advice, please [deleted]
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self.depression
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should i kill myself? im just gonna keep this short because i can't be bothered. should i kill myself? im a big failure at life, shit grades, loser, barely any friends at school, i have never been in relationship and barely ever talk to girls because i have social anxiety and aspergers syndrome. i have a mild stutter, and probably have RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) the only person who actually loves me is my mum but even she doesn't understand me. but the main part why i want to killmyself is that im always so lonely. everynight i cry myself to sleep and at this point i just want to fucking die.
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self.depression
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Anyone else feel emotionless? First let me start out by saying I don't actually know if I have depression... I've never actually been formally diagnosed, I'm just looking for an answer and something to grasp onto to give me hope that my current condition can get better. For the past year now, my emotions have seemed to just vanish. I used to have very strong emotions and I look back on those times and wish I could go back. Now I feel nothing. No joy, no sadness, even the horrible anxiety I used to feel due to my anxiety disorder has almost gone away. I only really feel fear now... Fear that I will never get better, fear that I will be an emotionless monster forever. My passions have slowly diminished as well. I used to have a real passion for music and playing music in band, but now... Now I just feel indifferent. I just want to feel again.
I don't know if this is related, but my libido has almost vanished around the same time as well. I'm only 16 and I feel like such an outcast because of it. Everybody around me has the libido of a rabbit and then there's me... Nothing does it for me anymore.
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self.depression
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I refuse to drink alcohol because I don't know what'll happen Anybody else? Like, the thought of escaping for a while sounds great, but I don't know what I'll say or do. I know a lot of people who say things when they get drunk that they normally wouldn't say, and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to end up saying or doing something that I'll regret because I wasn't in full control of myself.
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self.depression
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I feel like i will always stay at this level of mediocrity. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I had another serious panic attack today I spent almost all of Christmas eve, hyperventilating, crying and wishing that I would die.
These attacks are a regular thing for me.
I know they stem from my self hatred. I hate my ethnic background, and can't stand my skin color.
I had to call the suicide prevention lifeline because I was so close to putting a bullet in my ugly head.
I'm worthless, and no one will love me.
I have no future. And I can't deal with these panic attacks anymore.
I'm pathetic. An ugly brown loser.
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self.offmychest
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Gave a kidney to my mom Is there anyone here who has donated an organ to someone and has feelings of loss and depression from it. A little backstory. I've been depressed for about 6 years now and just recently my mom got sick and needed a kidney. Out of my sister and I, I decided that I would be the one to donate. I thought that it would help me change how I feel about certain things and make me think that I'm doing something good. Also feel that I've overcome an important obstacle in my life. The surgery went great and the kidney work immediately and it felt great. But soon after I felt terrible and suicidal like I lost something close to me. I just want to know if anyone has gone through something like this and kind of give me some feedback.
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self.depression
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my girlfriend wants me to spend every waking moment with her [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Has anyone tried Modafinil/Provigil There have been studies that it works well for bipolar depression. It is also a stimulant that doesn't cause mania.
With all the drugs I am on I am so exhausted, and because of bipolar I had to go off stimulants for my ADD(they sent me into mania). My pdoc also recently added Zoloft for my depression and it is giving me extreme tremors in my hands, like I can't draw a straight line, and my career is an artist so that doesn't work.
I want to ask her to let me try it out. It hits 3 major problem areas for me. I'd kill to get off my bed, and focus on my career.
Has anyone else been prescribed it? How did it go?
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self.bipolar
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I revisited my first almost suicide attempt Probably this was the first attempt. I was in 5th grade, so probably I was 9 or 10 years old. I was bunking a class and sitting on the ceiling which was very high (in the school). I don’t remember what I was feeling emotionally at that time but there was a friend sitting with me. I stood up and I was literally gonna jump when a teacher spotted us. We made her believe that we were just messing around. But after the vacations I noticed that all the windows got permanently locked.
I should have done it there and then. It would have saved me a lot of pain. Now I don’t even know how to behave like a normal human being. And everybody anyways think I am weird. The “weird girl with scars”. Mostly that’s my image in school.
I explained my scars to be due to my hand getting stuck between the house dividers cause I was trying to click photos. Not really believable but it does the job to silence others about it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Poem Titled The End to All Days (I hope you enjoy it its the first poem I've made in years) Perpetual darkness, lights yet to be seen
The winds howling echoing my screams
Skies crying bellowing out their shards
Each strike and cut like a knife
Walking on beds of clear crystal ice
Its so cold it stings
Seeing my reflection unrecognizable
Slow shallow breaths
The vapours released fogging my vision
Only muddling with my feelings of confusion
Let today be the end
The skies anew
The summer heat
The colours of life
The faint vibrations of birds humming on my skin
Let me be born anew
Like the butterfly emerging from its cocoon
But if this be it all
Then let today be the end
The day to end all days the dark and potential light
For I am tired and can take no more
If today be the end
Bury me in the snow
The frost begging to still me from head to toe
Let today be the end
The end to all I knew
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self.bipolar
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Having severe depression is like being in the army [deleted]
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self.depression
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Sick and tired of being taken advantage of I'm sorry but I'm about to rant like hell.
I've always been the person that's there for everyone else. No matter what kind of crazy shit I'm going through I've always been the first person to drop everything I'm doing to help a friend. I've put my mental health on the back burner more than once, I've put my life on hold, and I've blown through credit cards and my savings to help other people.
I think that once people realize that I don't know how to say no they immediately start using it to their advantage. I've been taken advantage of for YEARS by so-called friends. I've been manipulated, dicked around, used, and emotionally abused.
I finally hit the tipping point a few months ago. I put my foot down with someone who emotionally abused me and used me for 10 years and now I'm really starting to recognize that he wasn't the only one doing some of the exact same shit.
I stopped drinking years ago because my best friend liked to get completely shit faced and I had to start driving her home - with no license. It got to the point where she expected me to DD in every situation so eventually I stopped going out all together because I can't handle that much anxiety. I dealt with her physically abusive boyfriend for 3 years because I was too scared to leave her alone with him and she wouldn't leave. He tried to kill me and even sexually assaulted me and I stuck through everything with her.
Today I was supposed to go to a job fair which my job specialist recommended that I go to. I asked my best friend for a ride weeks in advance and she told me that she'd take me.
I don't ask for favors very often. Hell I don't ask for anything at all because I had it drilled into me my entire life that asking for help means you're weak. It took me 15 years to get myself into therapy because of that.
It upsets me even more because she knew how bad I needed this. I haven't had a job in over a year. I've got no money, no savings, nothing. Yet, on Halloween guess who was at her house doing her makeup? Me. She tells me when I'm done with her makeup that she *might* not be able to take me because work might change her schedule. I tell her thats fine and she promises to let me know by Wednesday.
I never heard from her again. She's been posting on facebook and having fun and straight up fucking ignoring me.
I know this rant probably sounds really selfish and it probably is but I just feel like I can't catch a break. I'm trying to escape my abusive ass family but without a vehicle or a license it's really fucking hard. Without a job it's even harder. I try and sell my art but that's difficult enough without adding BD on top of it.
I'm at the end of my god damn rope. I have zero hope because it feels like every opportunity I'm given gets thrown away either by something happening with my mental health or because people feel the need to interfere in my life.
I feel like I'm a magnet for abusers. I'm finally learning how to cut people off but jesus christ it's a hell of a process.
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self.bipolar
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I made the best recordings tonight of my life The stuff you dream about. A family session, ages 25 to 70. It was so beautiful. These rare occasions when I happen upon a spiritual, musical family and get to record them it's amazing. This was like.....guster meets simon and garfunkle? But with the most beautiful lyrics. I feel really blessed tonight and I wanted to share that with you guys. *hug*
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self.depression
|
Just got a bill for the hospital stay I was forced into Im being forced to pay for the worst experience of my life, and they still refuse to call it suicide watch. What the actual fuck. I was literally physically forced into the ambulance and to the hospital and im being forced to pay for it.
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self.depression
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I made a dozen shallow cuts to my wrist while taking a bath earlier. I think I'm ready to do it today.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone feel like depression made them selfish? Hello guys and girls, this is a throwaway account for obvious reasons!
I really have no idea if this is the best way to put it. I have no regard whatsoever for anybody but myself. Ever-since, I've become depressed.
In the past when I was 'normal'. I was caring, kind and empathetic. However, since I've become severely depressed, I've turned into this apathetic dick who has no regard for anybody but himself.
Is this due to depression, or am I just a dick? Anyone feel the same? Has depression turned you into < ?
Thanks in advance guys and girls.
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self.depression
|
Which direction am I going? Something happened today. I am not sure how to handle it. This feeling I had was brewing for awhile and it has been a problem for any attempt of relationships.
A friend of mine, she sent me a gif of a really busty woman popping out her breasts, she was in a a christmas get up. It was something kind of funny, as the message was "this was done to me, no pass it to someone else."
I think I reacted in a negative way replying "What the hell [her name]"
her reply: "someone sent it to me so I thought I'd pass it along to anyone who might enjoy it"
I don't know. I did, but didn't. Mixed feelings about it. Whether I reacted to seriously or harshly on something silly.
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self.offmychest
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