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Zoloft/seratraline/Short Menstrual Period I had sex around mid-cycle, he pulled out (I know, not BC, just a big mistake). Well, Sunday I started spotting, which isn't normal, but has happened before, and Monday I started bleeding as normal. Tuesday, bleeding was normal, then slowed that evening...then stopped... I usually have medium/light periods. But they usually last 4 days, not three, I also didn't cramp near as badly. I was wondering if this is a side effect? I have been having some other side effects as well.
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self.Anxiety
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How do YOU cope with your anxiety and/ or depression? Not asking for advice, just curious. Hi guys,
Not necessarily asking for ways to cope because I have my specific ways... I just was curious as to what yours are.
Mine are simple things like watching makeup YouTube videos or just browsing YouTube altogether. I like to take Xanax. Moving from my bed to my couch or vice versa helps. Ordering yummy food or cooking. Watching depressing movies or cultural or crime documentaries. When I have a panic attack, I do typical things like breathe, take Xanax, cry, call my best friend, etc. I also see a therapist, and she has been there for me even if its 12am and I'm feeling really bad.
What are specific things you do? Again, not asking for advice, just curious about the ways you cope- healthy or unhealthy.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm completely worthless. No one cares about me. I've been sitting on the roof four stories up trying to build the courage to jump. Everything seems so pointless. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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What is this and why? I'm nearing the end of my schooling. I'm working on networking, setting up my website, finishing my reel, and will shortly start the job hunt. But as those deadlines get closer and closer I feel less and less desire to involve myself in them. In fact, lately I have felt less of a drive to do ANYTHING at all. This also happened the first time I finished college, but when it happened then I had associated the feeling with my lack of desire to pursue the fields I had gotten my degree in. I did soul searching for 2 years and figured out that my current field was something that I REALLY wanted to do, and for the last 2.5 years I have enjoyed EVERY minute of pursuing this dream, even though I despise my school (this despise is based on horrible administration, not a dislike of learning my craft). I don't know why I'm beginning to feel depressed right now and it's driving me crazy.
I also feel like I can't say anything to people I know and are in my life because they WON'T understand. I do great in school, I'm good at what I do, I have a really strong background, people think I'm superman. I know the friends that I live with will just tell me to do the work, having never suffered depression themselves. The only people I know that would understand are people who would spend all their time worrying about me, and then I have to deal with the guilt of them worrying.
Is there a way out of this feeling? something I should be doing that I'm not? Do I have to worry about this feeling every time I finish something like school that takes years of investment?
Any advice for how to deal with this feeling would be helpful.
Even if there's no advice, being able to type it all out and share it with someone was helpful.
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self.depression
|
I don't want to die I want to live but considering the situation I see myself in, I am not really sure about that. Some context:
I was born a curious child, always thinking about things around me. My father had died before I was born, so I guess I never missed him. My mother is a single mom and she is a police officer. I am her only son. Next, coming to the age of 12, I took to books and writing. I read plenty and wrote a lot. Silly poems and such but I enjoyed it. Even in the school, I mostly took to myself and my naive poems throughout the day. I couldn't care less about my academics. I had never been a bright student. I didn't understand the need to waste my time on preparing for exams and alll that sort of stuff. Howerver, I wasn't against learning, actually I loved to learn about things. Everytime I got into a new grade, I would read up all the new academic material but I couldn't be bothered to remember anything. I was into knowing. I didn't care about retaining it. Moving on, when I was 17 I met a girl through Facebook, she was very friendly. I had never interacted much with the other gender. My school was an all-boys, catholic instituition. So you could know my disposition. Well, I felt at ease talking to her, very much so infact, I decided to meet her. I met her at a place, I was with my one friend ( I had progressed by then to make 3 total friends), I saw her and said to him I don't feel any physical attraction towards her.
Let's call this girl P. After a lot of intimate talks and very comfortable moments with P, eventually we came into a relationship. I didn't think that much about the attraction part. Due to reasons, she had to move to a new city. We went to long-distance. I was at an age where I had to get into a college now. I didn't even prepare for anyone. I did get through in one which was in her city. She arranged all my papers and everything for me to get into that colllege. I moved to her city then.
By the end of college we had about 3 years of a very, very comfortable and honest relationship. Although, its important to see it from her perspective. She is an over-achiever. She always tried to do everything for us to work, even sometimes lying about little things that she thought might affect my mood. We were completely honest except that.
Last year of college, I had made a lady friend in the college. At one of the crazy parties. I made-out with her. I had always been loyal and so had P been. I couldn't understand what happend. I called P next morning. I told her everything. She was of-course completely broken. She had complete trust in me ( so had I, in this matter at least). But we talked and talked a lot, and eventually she forgave me. Her logic was that of course I won't do this again. It was just because of drinks.
I got out of college and again didn't do too well but I had learned a lot. I was literally the most knowledge-able person in my class. That was clear. Everybody wanted me to help them with her projects and stuff. I had all the practical knowledge about my field. During the same time, I got published by a small publisher and got my novel out finally. But something broke after that, I never dared to write seriously again.
Moving on, I got an internship in yet another city. I moved and eventually was doing okay. P was also (as usual for her) doing extremely good in her academics and such. I met an old mutual friend of ours in that city. She was a junior of P from her school. She was studing in this city. Soon, she started to come over at my place. It was all casual and friendly. I really enjoyed her company as she had simliar interests. It came to the point where she would come over for the entire weekend and we would just talk the entire day and sleep together ( but quite in our own space).
P was fully aware of this but slowly she began to notice that I was giving her way less time than I ought to. Let's call the other girl A. So A, was really enjoying my company as I was too. On the eve of my birthday, I had to catch a flight back to meet my mother as she always wants to spend all my birthdays with her. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay with A. She slept after the party and I intentially went late to the airport and missed my flight and came back to her. I am ashamed to say it but I was only happy at the thought of seeing A again . After about a month or so. I told A one night that I had begun to develop a really big crush on her and that we should talk about it. We did and we went to sleep. She wasn't feeling so well so I was caressing her head while we both slept. It was a very pure kinda thing. No one had any malice. I closed my eyes and sometime in the middle of the night She was all over me, I tried to stop her once but then just couldn't stop. It was done. Next morning she told me she couldn't control herself. We continued to fuck for the next three days with intervals while talking to no one.
As time came for her to go, I just couldn't let her go, I don't why but I really felt all that gap that I had somehow crumpled with P to be filled with pure passion and lust for A. But I couldn't do it. A told me not to tell P. I did when she went. I told P and she almost came to the point of mental breakdown.
I became sure that I couldn’t possible love P. I told her that we should break-up. Even after all that, P wanted us to stay together. She begged me. She did everything. I caved in. It’s been 5 months since that. My professional life seems to be dying an average death ( which I always feared and so thought not go to the average route by doing what my classmates were doing, study). My personal life is in shatters because I have crushed P’s confidence completely and her faith in humanity has died. I am mentally and physically exhausted by trying to stop thinking about A. I am trying not to think about her but I just can’t seem to do that. A has shun all contact with me. I have also tried to delete her memories but I still remember A’s contact number. All day I continue to think about her. I am possesed by her. I cannot leave P. I have already done so much harm to her. She would break I did leave her. I cannot be with A. Probably she thinks of me as a mistake and maybe there is no stable future with her. P has always been the kinda person I could think about long-term with. But the fact I, when I had sex with P, I was thinking about A in my mind. I don't even know what love is anymore. I know, I am FOOBAR and that’s why I am now continously thinking about dying. I want anyone to just help me out please. I am not a social person so I have literally no friends.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Lamictal SJS do i go to the hospital Took meds includes seroquel
200mg lamictal
Throat is red and slightly swollen yellow toung and rash/chafing on my arm
What do i do? Do i go to the hospital?
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self.bipolar
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Tired of my mother (it's a really long story) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm seriously considering suicide at the age of 18 [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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New Years Resolutions For 2018 I want to finally do what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
I don’t necessarily want to cure my anxiety - I don’t think that is possible. However there are a few things I do want to try and do:
1. Feel less like the need to control all situations and have everything planned out all of the time
2. Stop drinking. It doesn’t help anything, I wake up more anxious than before and always hate the situations I get myself into.
3. Be less insecure. I want to help my relationship by being more trusting, knowing that he loves me and won’t do anything to hurt me.
4. Finish my degree with a 2:1, put more effort into my last semester and ensure the bright future I always promised for myself.
5. Be happier, calmer and healthier. Stop overreacting to situations, become more happy within myself. Overhaul my diet and get better results from the personal training I’m paying for.
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self.Anxiety
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Year after year I’ve felt lonelier & lonelier now my mom is fading from my life too. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Terrorified of driving, trying to learn to drive again. Please help! Hello. I'm fucking terrorized of driving (used to have horriable panic attacks behind the wheel. Am now medicated, have not had bad panic attacks, the kind that feel like I am dying, in *years*, thought maybe it was time). I have PTSD (both from a shitty abusive childhood and from a car wreck) and I am also bipolar. I am trying to learn to drive again. Please help! Story below, any advice welcome!
I didn't get a drivers license until I was 21. I never attended drivers ed, because I was homeschooled by abusive assholes who wanted me to stay infantile and subservient (not that my father said that, but I know the real reason now, and yes, I have issues other than driving, and yes I am in therapy). I moved out when I was 18 and my boyfriend at the time drove me to work every day. It was my boyfriend who helped me get first my GED, helped me get into college, helped me find a place to live and a place to work other than the family business, and then taught me to drive and I got a driver's license. It was my boyfriend who helped me to become more of an adult and a functioning person, not my crap-ass parents.
I was scared to drive, and it took me a long time, but I did it. I was ecstatic! FREEDOM! I didn't have to take the bus to school or work anymore! Less than a month after I got the license, I totaled my brand-new car I had just saved up for. The wreck was entirely my fault. That happens a lot to first-time drivers. If I had hit another car, it would have been just a fender bender, and I would have probably learned from it and moved on, despite my naturally anxious nature. I didn't. I hit a motorcycle. I was told by the cops that if he had been on a crotch rocket, instead of a harley, he would be dead. He would have gone under my wheels, instead of over the bumper and onto my hood. And he wasn't wearing a helmet, either (that part is not my fault, but again, the wreck was my fault, completely). I will never forget the sight of him lying in the intersection in a pool of blood. He lived. I broke both his legs, but he lived. I was emotionally wrecked. I dropped out of school. I quit my job. I couldn't get out of bed. I got super, super depressed. I HAD ALMOST KILLED A HUMAN BEING.
It took me 2 years before I drove again, and it was only because I had a job that I couldn't take the bus to and my boyfriend got his own job. By that point I had been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, PTSD, and a mess of other mental problems, and was on a bunch of meds. In the last 8 years (I am 30 now) I have driven off and on, only when I am on an “upswing”, and dealing well. My license is still valid. But I hate to drive, it terrify me, and I hate being a passenger when some people I know drive. And they think its funny, sometimes to try to drive dangerously almost to the point to reducing me to tears (I stopped hanging out with assholes like that).
Now its been 3 years since I've driven again. I'm 30 years old. The boyfriend who helped me so much and I are no longer together. I'm on disability (thank God), so I don't have to worry about work for now. I'm TRYING to be an adult, I'm TRYING to improve all my weak areas, including where I am socially stunted and my driving. My physical health is also going to be a priory this year.
But the point of this post. I just paid $425 to take a driving class, and I'm fucking scared as fuck. The class had 3 days in the classroom and I did ok. I usually do okay in classroom settings, but fail to translate schoolwork and high marks into practical skills – it was the same way when I took an EMT course – I was really interested in science and anatomy, and tested well, but failed to translate that into physical skills needed in the medical field, and also my anxiety made me realize on my first clinical shift that I can't/shouldn't be on an ambulance and I dropped out. (so much for making it up the universe that I hit that guy and doing some good for a change) Anyway in the driving class I was the only 30 year old in a room full of 15 year olds and that was embarrassing, but that's my life – now there's 30 hours of online class work and 6 hours of driving in an actual car. I don't think I have anyone who will take me out to practice starting and stopping before I go to the driving the school's car, which is what they recommend, but oh well. Just doing a few of the online knowledge tests for the driving class today just filled my stomach with terror. I don't know if I can do this.
Human beings were not designed to plumet along a highway at 60 miles per hour in metal death tubes! I know exactly the physics involved and what those sudden stops DO to a person! I wish I were stupider in this regard because ignorance really is bliss.
But if I give up, its accepting that I will never become a fully functioning adult by our ridiculous society's standards. It means I can probably never safely have children. How would pick them up from school or take them to the hospital if there was an emergency? I already have 2 dogs that I am responsible for, and there's no ambulance for the dog hospital, so I'm lucky that I have a roommate who loves them, but my living situation is not permanent and I'm keenly aware of that and if I don't know how to drive in the next year or two, if he decides to move, I'm not sure what I will do.
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self.Anxiety
|
Eye opener (26F) I've been having issues with social anxiety for a long time now and I always avoid speaking up and saying how I feel. Well over the past two days I've lost my voice thanks to allergies. And it's the first time it's ever happened. But during this short time I realize I want to be heard. I do have important things to share. I want to speak my opinion without regrets. I'm sad but glad it took for this to happen for me to open my eyes and stop being so afraid. Sometimes it's little things that make you see the bigger picture.
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self.Anxiety
|
I’m taking a sick day I’m so angry and crying. I really didn’t want to take my medicine but I did. I’m embarrassed by the way I acted in front of my son this morning before school.
We were watching the news and it was talking about how a white suprematist gets to give a talk at a university in FL and then they went right into the kneeing for the anthem thing. I got really upset about hate speech being okay but peacefully drawing attention to real issues in our country is not acceptable. Why aren’t people more concerned about hate speech than police violence towards black people? I started crying and explaining why that was so upsetting to me because the football players should not be punished for using their privilege and position to draw attention to real social issues. And trump says there are good people who were in the deadly white supremacy march with tiki torches but calls the football players son’s of bitches which is not even insulting them but their moms.
Obviously I’m really worked up over this and I feel so upset but I shouldn’t have cried in front of my son because that was an extreme reaction.
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self.bipolar
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please help my heart is beating so fast and i feel so worried and anxious, i feel suffocated and feel that im so lonely and i have no one, i cant stop thinking. what is wrong with me, am i going to have mental illeness? or what is that?
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self.depression
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I think I might be chasing a pipe dream [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’m in grade nine and I’m battling with depression I have no confidence and no will to live and now my grades in school are going down which makes me feel horrible if I fail one subject the semester ends in 50 days I will kill myself 100% unless anybody can tell me otherwise and understand me
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to kill myself I am a complete and utter disappointment to my family and I’m only 14. I honestly would kill myself but I can’t get my hands on a gun. This is pathetic. Why am I even posting about this. I don’t know.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i hate that my anxiety makes me doubt my boyfriend my boyfriend told me he is going to this ramen place we go to with one of his co-workers (a guy) on Friday and i trust him with my entire heart but my brain keeps telling me he is lying and he is going on a date with a girl but i know hes not and i feel like shit for being anxious over nothing
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self.Anxiety
|
Happening now: Heart palpitations from nowhere ...And I'm scared. They started around 6 last night after I had a frozen drink (and I finally realized that's one of my triggers), and while it's calmed down, my heart keeps pounding. My wife swears my heart beat sounds normal. I managed to sleep for three hours, but I'm really scared right now. I feel this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and when I stand up I feel light-headed.
Not sure if anyone is able to respond, but I'd appreciate any kind words. This *has* happened before and I should know I will survive, but I am freaked the fuck out right now. Every sensation of tightness makes it worse.
EDIT: It's now tomorrow, and while I still feel like my heart is still a bit "off", I feel 90% better. I'm going to see if exercise and breakfast (and maybe some meditation) gets me the rest of the way there.
Once my health insurance kicks in on the 15th, I will definitely talk to a doctor and see about maybe getting a 72-hour heart monitor.
Thank you to all who responded. You helped me to calm down a bit even while I was still having these symptoms.
EDIT 2: I'm in the hospital. I have afib. Stress caused it, but I will be okay with medication. So all the times I felt like I was dying, I actually had atrial fibrillation. I'm glad I went in--I will have an ultrasound later this week, but it looks like I will be fine.
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self.Anxiety
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For anyone completely alone, hell week is almost over! [removed]
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self.depression
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Disclosing to employer? I have BP2, and I was wondering if anyone discloses their condition to their employers in an attempt to get some leeway with the really bad days. How do y'all handle your work situations?
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self.bipolar
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I'm just tired of struggling everything takes so much effort, I can't keep up.
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self.depression
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Whenever I try to go to /r/de the URL autocompletes to /r/depression I guess that says something about me
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self.depression
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I don’t want you to hurt, I guess I just want you to somehow understand the pain that you put me through I still love you. So much. I would do anything to make you happy. I still check my phone compulsively when I wake up for the sweet “good morning” text I’ll never receive again. I still keep my ringer on while I sleep so that I don’t miss the call that I know will never come.
I would never wish harm on you. I want you to live a long, happy, and successful life, and yet… I wish that there could be *some* consequence for the way that you treated me. The way you ignored me, and the cold short answers you sent when you decided not to for once. The way that you made me feel like I wasn’t even in a relationship anymore. The way that you sat there and let me suffer as I watched you change, watched you fall out of love with me. The way that you tricked me into falling in love with you by being the most perfect man on earth, and then transformed into the most selfish once you knew that I was hooked. I wish you had to somehow pay the price for breaking me down so completely.
Yes, I still love you, and I know that you don’t think about me anymore. I would do anything to keep you out of harm’s way, but... The deepest and darkest part of me hopes that someday somebody will break your heart, too.
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self.offmychest
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Weight gain So I had a mania episode years ago. I was down to 172 pounds. I am now up to 283 on medication. I believe that I will allways he a heavy person no because I have tried so many medications this is the only combination that works for me. I am a 26 year old male and 6 foot 3. Normal weight for my height is 220 so I'm 50 pounds over weight. Disappointed because it appeared I was lossing weight and everyone said it looked as if I was but I some how gained 10 pounds in 3 months. I have only started working out again in the last 2 weeks and this weight is from a medical scale as of yesterday, November 1st. Options for the 10 pounds are number 1 water weight as I ate 2 full containers of tostitios cheese dip in 3 days. So could I gain 10 pounds of water weight with an insane amount of salt in 3 days? Option 2 fat gain. Seems unlikley as I was stable at 272 for over 4 months and if it is from medication it is usually 2 pounds a week so it would have been a gain of 24 pounds in 3 months or 12 weeks.
Just wondering how could I look more tonned while gainning 3cm on belly and 10 pounds?
Thank you.
Also I walk at least half an hour everyday.
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self.bipolar
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Need some help. Lately, I've been extremely depressed. I just think I'm a failure.
My BF yelled at me a month ago, for not having my license, (I know it's my fault, I pushed it off since I was 16, I'm 18 now) I had surgery in like August? I think on my eye for retinal detachment, it still effects my distance seeing and other small stuff (which is probably why I've been pushing it off I guess, I just get scared of doing something wrong), and in November I got my updated permit, and practiced more, I wanted to get my license this month, (which I still can if I push my parents to just let me take my test) (haven't drove in winter, but I'm decent on normal roads, I just need practice turning and parking. Think I can pass my test with that?) but I don't think I will get it.
I do have a very bright future, I want to be a robotics engineer. Then make a robotics company to help people.
My BF also wants me to get a job ASAP, I know he wants the best for me. But he makes me feel bad because I am picky on what I want my first job to be. One I get terrified talking to people face to face, two I want a technical job that will help me. It's not like I can't get a good technical job as my first, I can, I just don't know how to make a good resume, I have all the qualifications for the technical jobs I would be applying for, just don't know how to show them I'm worth them hiring me and I have the passion for fhe job.
Plus I have this fear of messing something up when working, although I won't, I just don't want people to be disappointed in me.
I haven't done much since I graduated. Just mostly slept and played video games. I from time to time repair stuff like macbooks and such I get from sales, and lately I've been getting back into my passions, slowly, like right now I'm learning swift, soon I'll learn whatever languages the raspberry pi has.
I just feel like, I should've had a job and license by now. And ever since my BF yelled at me for it just making me feel terrible and crying. I just feel like a failiure.
I always have the mindset of things happen for a reason, I don't have a license for a reason, and I don't have a job because college isn't out yet, so I won't get the job I need, like the one that will really help me with my life goals.
I'm happy when I'm learning code (which shows that my goals in life are right for me, because to me the mechanical parts of robotics are easy, the coding is hard, and since I enjoy coding even though it's hard, i enjoy it, I wouldn't if I wasn't truly passionate), but, when I'm not, I'm really depressed.
I don't want to kill myself, but lately I've been thinking, hoping, my heart would just stop, or I would get hit by a car, or someone were to kill me, just anything.
I used to be the happiest person, someone asked me once if I was on drugs because of how happy and "crazy" I was.
But now, I just feel like I'm a failure.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Worried about adjusting to back to college life after winter break [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Share Your Victories Large & Small! - Saturday, 11/25/2017 As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the "little" or "normal" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life.
This weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.
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**Come chat with us!**
That's right we have an /r/Anxiety irc channel were we hang out and talk about random things, or help those who are having a hard time. Tons of great people so feel free to stop on in and say hello! [Chatroom Weblink](https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.snoonet.org/anxiety) : [More Information](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) We also have a Discord server! To join, click [here](https://discord.gg/qPjH9Xu).
*********
[Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/index) | [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/faq) | [Types of Anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/anxiety_subtypes) | [Online Resources & Downloads](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/onlineresources) | [IRC Channel](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/wiki/irc) | [Community Map](https://redd.it/5ff4bn)
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self.Anxiety
|
Do i sound like i have anxiety? I got an email from a place asking if I wanted to come in and apply for a job in person. I asked my boyfriend to show me where the place is. When we got into the parking lot he told me I should go in there now and apply. I told him I'll come back and do it tomorrow. He's like "geez are you that damn shy? Seriously do you have like an anxiety disorder or something? Are you that scared of people? You never come into the stores with me. You give your mom money to do your grocery shopping for you."
Was he insulting me?
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self.Anxiety
|
fuck this disease So long story short I was diagnosed BP type 2, ADHD, and OCD three years ago and I've tried most of the AP, AD, and some of MS out there. I was on a working mix of Lithium, prozac, wellbutrin, hydroxazine, thyroid med, and metformin but over the last 6 months i got more hypo-manic so doc put me on depakote ER. I took 250mg for 3 weeks and felt pretty good, but then 1 day I got stressed at work at got all pissy with my family so I decided to go up to the recommended 500mg. I've been 500mg for 1 week and each day feels worse. Today I feel agitaged and pissy and way more depressed than normal. I questioned my boss and almost got into a pissing match with him. I'm just super depressed and pissy now. So I read the interwebs and of course theres lots of people asking of depakote can make you more depressed or angry. Then I come across this guys video.
https://youtu.be/Wsj219F9M2Q
He states that when you have ADHD and depression, if your meds are not right, you'll act like you have bipolar. MOTHERFUCK!!!!! What if I don't have bipolar 2? What if Ive take lithium and now depakote and been stoned, not remembering hardly anything of the past three years, all because my meds were not right??? I have some confidence in my current doc, but he just does not think twice about throwing me a new drug any time I complain.
Does anyone here ever question their diagnosis? I've been dealing with this shit for 25 years and you'd think I'd have it figured out by now.
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self.bipolar
|
I am living in a constant state of regret and it's tearing me apart emotionally I am messed up emotionally and I don't know where to begin.
Today at work I almost cried. I have these moments when I think about my past. A mix of nostalgia and things that I could have done better or changed. These usually come after suicidal thoughts.
My family. I love my family and they love and support me. I grew up in a normal household and had a pretty good life as a kid. My parents worked and supported us and gave me a lot when I look back at it. They were there for mw in my dark and tough momentum, bought me stuff, drove me everywhere etx.. As a teenager I started to get attitude and I treated them like garbage sometimes. I'd yell at them and become incredibly selfish and impatient sometimes. I'd never help around the house and other things. This still continues somewhat to this day. I'm 25. Our relationship is mostly good but thinking back to these moments and how much my parents have done and would react if I took my life destroys me emotionally.
Same with my brothers. I am the oldest. I had a fun childhood with my brothers but I sometimes bullied them and made them cry and did really mean things. Despite this we mostly got along and played. As we're older we don't really talk much and we aren't as close as we were as kids, although we still do care for each other. I asked them recently if I did anything as a kid that hurt them. They said no and looked at me like an idiot so maybe they weren't that affected.. I know that I could have treated them better and maybe we'd have a better relationship if that happened.
Lastly my girlfriend. She is wonderful, loving and supportive. She has a really good heart. She loves me and is attached to me. I also love her. I feel like a failure in life as I'm way behind my peers and I feel like I'm letting her down. Despite this, she says that she doesn't care and loves me anyways. Recently she told me that growing up she had next to no friends and only has one friend now. Her family is kind of distant from each other and growing up they struggled and still do financially. My girlfriend would get shunned as a kid in school by peers and spent time in the washroom at recess. Her mother and sister are also pretty hard on her and don't help her confidence and self esteem. It makes sense why she's so attracted to me. I am the one thing she's ever wanted, a best friend and loving boyfriend. I feel so bad about her past and feel bad that I am not as attached as she is to me. Sometimes she's annoyingly clingy but it is for a reason and I can't blame her.
I also regret other things as well. I did many stupid, impulsive things in my youth and teenage years. Socially, financially, with education etc. I think back to how I could have acted and what I should have changed. I have wasted so much time from 18 years old doing nothing with my life. I'm in 2nd year of college only and I should have much more money by now. I should have developed more friendships in high school and gone out more in my early 20s but I was too stubborn and socially anxious. I should have treated a lot of people better and developed better habits.
I am constantly living in a state of regret and it's killing me emotionally. One thing that is pleasing and emotionally distressing is Nostalgia. Everytime I watch old shows, visit my old school, see okd friends and think about my time as a kid I remember all the good times when it was so simple, the I fast forward to now and realize that I have done nothing. 15 years ago I would have never imagined that I would have been in this situation. These Nostalgic thoughts really drive my suicidal thoughts.
I always think about suicide but I don't think I'd actually do it. I see it as a way out but I know my family and girlfriend would be crushed. The messed up part is that I always think about what I'd say to each person in my suicide note and how they'd react. I would say good things and they'd realize how much I love and appreciate them and shift all of the blame and responsibility of my suicide on me and my issues. I dream about killing myself at one of these Nostalgic locations, reminding me of the good times one last time.
I'm tearing up as I type this.
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self.depression
|
Considering ending it, feel like a burden on everyone... So what to say about my life. My parents split when I was 9. Usual drama ensues. I don't do well at school, get kicked to a 'bad kids school'. Years pass, want to live with dad. Nothing bad with my mum, I just felt it was unfair, wanted to be with both of them. Lol I used to have these moments where I'd daydream and this curtain would pull back telling me it was all just a game and everything goes back to normal. Wasn't long anyway till I found out how selfish my dad was and how uncaring he was. I could say more but would rather not. He dumped me to live with my nan and uncles. But they too were horrible. I was treated like shit, got beat, no love what so ever. At this point in my life I don't even remember the last time I even got a hug. The only thing that kept me going, my escape from all this, was my gameboy and pokemon yellow. I remember beating the elite four for the first time, and the champion, battle was intense as fuck, only just managed using the struggle ability.
This all went on for a while, until I decided enough was enough. After midnight I packed most my things and hid them in the cupboard. As the hours rolled by, everyone woke up, went off to work leaving me there alone. I smashed up half the things in that house, I didn't give a fuck. Took my things and left to my mum, at this point I was 15. What were they gonna do? Tell the police? I have plenty of stories to tell them...which to this day I never have because I just wanted to forget. I was doing well in my bad school to, so eventually got put back into a normal one. But it was so weird, the difference. I was seen as that kid from 'that tough school' so people picked fights with me, they lost. I also liked a girl too. I never spoke to her in my life (or any girl tbh, because my life had been so shit) but I write her a poem and bought her a necklace, just right out of the blue coz I thought that was normal (lol). She kissed me and thanked me while probably thinking I was pathetic and that was it, I tried fitting in and just being normal, but most of the time I didn't even go in because I was too busy playing pokemon, until I eventually finished with 11% attendance lmao. My grades were bad, but not like I had a good education anyway.
Then I did, started work. Went college. Then back to work. Did a lot of reading, educated myself on a lot of things. But at the same time everything in the past still affected me a lot. I had a few close friends (which I still have to this day), my brother and sisters, but I still found escape in playing games. It really helped me. Years past and I experienced different things, going on holiday, going scuba diving, sailing, fishing, just exploring the world a little. But still was never too good with girls. When I was about 19 I met a girl who I always had a little crush on from school. We spoke, and everything seemed nice. I was so fucking naive though. And gullible. Not even two weeks later she cheated on me. So I just went back to doing what I always did, remained closed off, because its just so much better that way. Before I knew it, I was 26. I moved back in with my mum, and we lived in a pretty quiet village. I worked down the local shop, everyone was friendly, it was like a whole new me. I really liked it. I'd see this one girl come in often, a little messy looking from work (she took care of and rode horses). I don't even know why it hit me like lightning the moment I saw her, like the feeling people describe when they first met their husband or wives, the stuff you see in movies. She was just the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and she wasn't even trying. I eventually worked up the courage to ask her out one day, when we happened to be on the same bus, but I did ask for her age too just in case. She was 14 ffs (UK legal age is 16). I was like wtf, I'm 26. We chatted for a bit as she lived literally 1 minute away from me, but that was the end of that.
But then she came in the local shop when I was next working, and this time looking nervous as hell and she handed me this note lol. Let me state right now, I know from an outside view its easy to throw this off as no big deal because she's young, but even when I was that age I knew what I wanted in a girl and what I liked and didn't like. And it was the first time someone ever shown me just a purely honest sign of affection. At this point would it of been better to laugh it off like hey its just silly love letter stuff, or stay with her and date for the next 1 year together? Which is what we did. It started off as friends really but it was so hard not to like her, her positive attitude, honesty, such a loving and caring girl. I wont say too much to respect her privacy but she also had a rough time growing up, so it was nice to be there for each other. Her older sister loved me too, and always said we were great together. I know it was wrong, but we didn't do anything major and I respected her. Even if she was my age I'd feel the same way. But as you can imagine with that age difference came a lot of struggles. We had to keep it quiet, we couldn't go out on dates together or go to the movies, so I did other things to show her I cared, like made her little notes, got her fave chocolate, etch on the path something cute for her to read as she walks by. Call me immature but I just loved being with her, she made me so happy and she was happy, hell we were together for a year, against all the odds and hardships we faced. I really wanted to meet her mum, just so she could see I was a normal guy but she didn't agree to it.
And just by bad luck, someone in her school had caught us kissing, and her life became hell. Most days after that she'd see me and look so sad, just wanted to leave that place. I hated myself for it, but I didn't complain, I supported her made her laugh with my stupid jokes, but I hated myself. Then the worst happened, she started to get bullied, and her school wasn't doing fuck all about it. She was always the type to try and hold it all in and not tell anyone. I had enough and anonymously reported it all to the police, I made a huge fuss over it. Shortly after she was aloud to leave that school, before transferring to a new one. I also got back at those bullies. At this point things were okay for the most part, she was much happier. But at the same time she had to see social services (because I had reported the bullying to literally every agency I could for her to not be sad anymore). She was silly enough to mention me, and how great I am etc. Suddenly their focus turned to me, and this is where everything went downhill. I was also showing signs of possible cancer but I kept it to myself. They started filling her head with things about me. Pressuring her over a cup of hot chocolate (I know what they do, I seen them too when my parents split up). Eventually it got too much for her, and with her starting a new school, she left me and I was devastated. After 1 year together and going through a lot, she was convinced everything I did for her, was all part of some sort of 'plan' like I'm some sicko. Everything was such a mess. But at the same time, maybe she just wants a normal life. Be able to go out on dates, take silly pictures and show them off to everyone, the things me and her couldn't do. And with me that just wasn't possible, and it hurts so much. (and for the record, all we did was kiss, hold hands, hug).
I was under investigation for 9 months. I was struggling a lot, worried about the whole cancer thing, hated the distance between this girl that was so close to me, I was called names, harassed, assaulted on more than one occasion. As the months rolled by it seemed she hated me more and more, or maybe she just felt guilty. But in my mind we never did anything wrong, we were happy in our own little world. She now has a boyfriend, I know he's a nice guy because she wouldn't settle for anything less. I turned up clean of cancer, but today, everything comes crashing down on me again. I'm told the investigation is coming to an end, and I'm basically going to be put on the sex offenders list for the next 2 years. 2 years, I'll be 30 and she'll be 18. How will I ever be with her again? How will I ever remove this fucking smudge on my name and all our memories together? How am I going to get a job? Where am I going to live? I can't continue living here, I have a little sister and in their eyes I'm a fucking weirdo. And then it hit me. I'll just end it all, I can't imagine living like this any longer. And being branded as something I'm not. Everything was perfect between us before they got involved, she would of turned 16 in a few months and everything would of been okay. I'd be willing to do anything to prove to her parents I'm a good man, but how is any of that possible now. Her sister still likes me though, she's been a really great and supportive person, but everything in my life is just fucked. The one and only time I truly loved and cared about someone, and risked a lot to make sure she was safe, and it gets ripped apart. I know I'm stupid for ever going through with it in the first place, but I don't regret talking to her that day. She made me happy for the first time in my life. And now its all over.
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self.SuicideWatch
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No hope, gone Sunday January 28th Title says it all really. There’s no hope for this life. I was molested as a child by my aunt, developing a PTSD. Cause of that there’s no real hope for my life therefore no real purpose. It doesn’t get better. I’ve been told that for 4 fucking years and it’s only gotten worse. All my friends are gonna end up leaving me getting sick of my shit. Shit one friend doesn’t even care, she said “it’s your choice but I hope you don’t do it” when I talked to her today. I’m fucking terrible at school so I’m probably not going anywhere in the future. There’s just no point. So I’ll be gone pretty soon now. I have my method ready (hot shower and an Advil will thin out my blood. After that a slice from pulse to pulse on my neck shouldn’t be too terribly painful and i’ll pass out from blood loss within 90 seconds give or take) and I’ll be writing my notes out so my funeral isint the saddest game of “who dun it” ever.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I should become an organ donor before I do it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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bye that's it. just bye. nobody will give a shit. nobody will care. tomorrow morning i'll be gone. i'm a fucking failure. i'm sorry, but i need to fucking kill myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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disappointed but not surprised 2017 hasn’t been kind to me. i fucked up my first year of college because my dumb ass fell for a boy (let’s say not the ideal guy to fall for) for the first time in my life and didn’t know how to deal. so, in the summer holidays i started all over. i dropped my shitty friends for better ones who actually cared about me, i had a good social life, i was losing weight and able to stick to a diet, work was decent... it was all great. september was also beautiful. i met someone who for the first time in my life genuinely liked me and i could feel myself liking them too. we started “dating”, things were cute, i wasn’t doing well in college but it was the start so everyone was fucking up.
fast forward to october, when teachers released our predicted grades for university. mine weren’t good enough and it completely broke me. i’ve said some bad things to people, been extremely stressed (and started overeating, leading to weight gain and extreme depression cause of it smh).
i ended up having to quit my part time job, drop most of my friends, never leave the house, absolutely neglect people i cared about. just to do well. and to make it even more fucking tragic i’m doing even worse.
i want to legit kill myself
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self.offmychest
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Can't seem to stay on a job for more than six months Is it the same for you guys? I had 3 jobs since last year. I always end up resigning and I am planning to resign on my current job.
EDIT: Hey guys, thank you all for sharing your experiences. It's comforting that there are people out there who understands how I feel and who thinks I am not a disappointment. I'm wishing you all the best in life. Let's stay strong, alright?
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self.bipolar
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I needed to say this somewhere I'm probably having the worst times of my life ever since we broke up, nothing is going the way I'm trying to make it go, nothing is working the way i would want it to work. I think about you every-single-day, there's no day that's passed by without thinking about you, i deleted all my social media, i made new friends, nothing is working. Everytime i try to get up from this nightmare there's something along the road that will kick me down again, but still I'm not giving up. I wish we never met, i wish we didn't like each other, i wish i didn't fall in love with you. I can't be myself anymore, I've never been so true to someone as much as i did with you and everytime I'm having rough times you are the first thought that pops in my head, everything because with you i was like in heaven, the point is I'm constantly having rough times. I never ever thought we would break up one day, i never thought this would've been my life, i was so naive... More than one year passed, and each day that passes i know, my sanity is getting bad but i can't stop what sorrounds me. I hope one day this will all end so i could feel the peace once again. I hope...
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self.offmychest
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I just want to be alone I feel like a selfish prick sometimes. Im young, financially successful, but most of my problems are not my own. It's that my family's problems affect me, sometimes more than it affects the person themselves.
My dad was hospitalized and his health deteriorating and so was mine. My dad passed away and without life insurance, his children paid for his funeral. My mom is now alone and I feel guilty because I can't be there for her emotionally but I am there financially. My brother is under mountains of debt and I try my best to help with advice or with actual money but he refuses both. My sister has her own troubles and we don't talk much even when I take the initiative to reach out.
I love my family and am always willing to help, but at the end of the day, it weighs very heavy on me that I can't help or have to deal with their problems. I'm in control of my own problems and so I feel more comfortable with it. I can't just let it go because it's my family. These are problems that many families face but I can't seem to handle it. I feel guilty when I don't help my mom out with something, especially after my father, passed but she should be able to do it herself. I want to help my brother but it's his own damn fault he spends money haphazardly instead of paying his debts. I want to reconnect with my sister and her to the rest of the family but how can I do that when she doesn't give it a chance.
Unfortunately, this is how I feel and because of this attitude, I don't see myself getting married or having children. I just feel like it would be more having to deal with other's problems. I just want to be all alone and ignore everyone but that would be selfish of me. I kind of feel like I'm a selfish person but then ask myself why I should have to deal with other's problems, even if it's my own family. I fix my own damn problems, why can't they fix theirs? I'm the youngest in the family and I feel like Im taking care of them. When do I get to celebrate my own successes instead of getting my happiness shit on whenever I get a call because I only get calls when there is a problem. I should on top of the world being young with a good job and my future ahead of me and yet I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders weighing me down. I put every ounce of energy and willpower to solve my own problems so I can do well but that means I don't have much more to give to help others. I just want to be alone.
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self.offmychest
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How long did it take for you to feel normal again after discontinuing Lamotrigine? I was in the titrating period of Lamictal and took it for a total of 7 weeks increasing by 25mg every two weeks. After a while I noticed that it totally wrecked my memory and my vocabulary so I stopped 2 weeks ago. I know how it feels like to be sober but this isnt it. I feel like someone completely different. I dont have any feelings anymore like none at all and I cant think anymore. I used to smoke weed but it doesnt do anything amore and is like smoking tobacco. this zombie mode of feeling absolutely nothing is so horrible I dont want this
I feel like a fucking retard and like someone else and it doesnt go away even though the Lamotrigine should be fully out of my system by now. Does the brain heal again or is this permanent?
There are no studies done on this obviously so anecdotal evidence is all I can rely on.
To anyone who had ever taken Lamotrigine when did you start to feel normal again or regained your feelings? Lamotrigine was the worst decision of my life and I really really want to die right now
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self.bipolar
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My ship is sinking Hey guys, so a little update on my life and hopefully some support from you guys.
This week I withdrew from my PhD program because of a few reasons, the main one being that I did not enjoy my subject to the point of wanting to kill myself to get out of it. So, for my health and my marriage I withdrew.
But now I am jobless, school-less, and almost pointless.
I am really bummed you guys, not a bipolar sadness, a genuine sadness from my circumstance. I had planned to return to a master's program for teaching to be certified at a higher level than I am now...but I just crunched some numbers and realized that it is almost financially irresponsible to go back to school now that I will have to pay for it...it will take me fifteen years to see a fourteen thousand dollar profit over just getting certified to teach at my bachelors level now. So I am job searching, but I have a process to go through that will take time.
So I am writing to you all in this block of text to ask what you guys have found that brings you joy and contentment. I am at home all day unless I choose to go out somewhere, but I am running out of places to go.
Thank you guys for always being there for me during my best times, I just hope to return to those times now.
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self.bipolar
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I just overslept and missed a final exam I'm so numb and apathetic right now. I knew what it felt to be an anxious mess because of an exam you didn't study for or crying it out after not doing my best. This? This I studied for, this I sacrificed for, I didn't think I could feel like I didn't want to exist anymore but now I do.
I tried, I legitimately tried turning back time AT LEAST twice this morning. Ahah.
I feel like I'm losing it right now. Is someone out here
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self.depression
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I'm so tired, but scared of nightmares when I go to sleep. (Trigger warning) [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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NOT a spender when manic? Hey! Is there anyone out there who **doesn't** spend money when manic or hypomanic? I have only really had one major, intense hypomania episode that I know of (have probably been hypomanic and didn't known it), but I didn't want to spend money at all. I'm pretty much a cheapo thrifty penny pincher.
Is spending money ALWAYS a bipolar mania thing? When I read about being bipolar, it keeps coming up as of it is just a fact. Am I suddenly going to want to spend money I dont have? Or is this urge just channelled in me in other ways?
I mean, I have serious workaholism issues and hyperfocus/obsess about work, so maybe productivity is where it gets channelled?
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self.bipolar
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Thought I was enlightened, gifted, etc. turns out I’m just Bipolar. My church, DBT, and how well my life has been going had me convinced that I have the emotional gift of Empathy, not a mental illness. Cue me not taking my meds because they “interfere with my gift” and having a really fucking foul couple days. Back on them now. Hella disappointed. 0/10 would not recommend.
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self.bipolar
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I'm very worried about my health right now :( In the last few days, I have being worried about my health. For more than a year, I have felt this discomfort around my stomach. I also feel some kind of pressure in my stomach, neck and teeth. It's quite scary and I don't know what to do. I feel this pressure when I'm eating, drinking water or Milk and lifting something heavy. The pressure made me think there was something wrong with my heart. It feels like a heartbeat going from stomach, chest, neck and teeths. Recently, I checked my heart and lungs. There was nothing wrong with my heart and lungs. But, I'm worried that I have a dangerous and incurable disease in stomach or something close to that. I'm not even sure if it is my stomach or not. It doesn't hurt. But, The feeling is terrfying. I have made an appointment with my doctor. But, Even waiting one day for me is like going through hell because of my anxiety. My anxiety has always been a major issue. I'm not sure if It's anxiety or a disease. I had some trouble to sleep in past few days. I don't know what to do right now. What should I do know?
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self.Anxiety
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After 4 years of unsuccessful BiPolar treatment I am finally heading to in patient program tomorrow for 60 days and wanted to see if anyone that has gone through one could give some helpful tips. I know what your allowed to bring into these facilities is limited but we're there any items you were glad you brought or suggest bringing? Besides my clothes I am planning on bringing stationary, address book, some favorite photographs and a couple of books.
I'd really love to hear about anybody's experience and any helpful tips you want to share :)
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self.bipolar
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I have constant fantasies of being hospitalized All the time I get fantasies of how nice it would be to get into a horrible accident or become horribly ill and be stuck in a hospital and removed from society for a while. Does anybody else get this?
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self.depression
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Chronic illness and suicidal thoughts A lifetime of horrific pain with no chance of being cured, can anyone else (not depression) relate?
I get really low sometimes, right now it’s looking bleak.
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self.SuicideWatch
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kill me nothing brings me happiness anymore, my grades are shit (might have to retake 2nd semester geometry next year. also i live in the US, 16, male), father died in 2011 and i don't feel like my mother really loves me (like she cares, but if given the opportunity she'd probably sell me off for some $. but would have to be a shit ton though). the only person that i'm close with that really loves me is my sister. never had a girlfriend (i'm straight, but i am jealous of people that are bi cuz they can dip into both genders. they just have more options) and probably never will (not even any physical/non-physical romantic interaction. and the only sexaul experince i have is when a girl tried to rape me), but i had hoped that by some glorious favor of the universe or god or whatever, that i could get a gf and then i'd fell, at least, some happiness and feel like less of piece of shit. she doesn't even have to a good person, she could even be abusive (my mother used to be abusive, so it wouldn't be anything new), that i could tolerate. you might be thinking it's wrong to settle for such a person, but beggars can't be choosers. what's worse? getting hit a few times? or spending every waking moment wishing that i'd die in my sleep and being pissed off when i wake up cuz i didn't die in my sleep? i'll take getting hit. in fact, at this point that's the best i can look forward to: a girl who beats the shit out of me everyday cuz i know that my worthless ass will never find someone better who is willing to put up with my existence (i'm ugly, poor, can't drive, no job atm, and, at least imo, very fucking retarded). if you'd like to know more, look through my post history it's more evidence that i should die. some people say that life is a gift, there wrong. you get to keep a gift, but everyone dies eventually so you obviously don't keep your life. life is really a loan with a fuck ton of intrest. life is shit, hope i get hit by a bus (maybe i'd actually die, unlike my suicide attempt). stay safe, stay memein and schemin, love you all. -jewyjew69
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self.SuicideWatch
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My friend introduced me to his group of friends and I have bad anxiety - I went in for a handshake and this guy went in for some combo shit and our hands danced around each other for about 3 long seconds. I cramp up thinking about it for days now.
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self.offmychest
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Idk I visited my brother (15) in the psych ward, which I had been in two years ago. I can't stop thinking about it now, and I've been struggling with some pretty intense suicidal ideation. I want to tell someone but I don't want to stress out my mom even more. She already told me that if I lost control she would lose it. I don't know what to do?!? Advice?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Explaining BP to SO I'm going to try and make this as concise as possible and not let my emotions on the situation run rampant, so bare with me. My SO and I split in Late October of last year because of my erratic and hurtful behavior. I wasn't diagnosed with BP until late September but when I was it shed light on many of the problems our relationship went through i.e. infidelities, me becoming manic and going for walks in the middle of the night, being too depressed to carry out plans we had made weeks in advance etc. Since then we've only barely kept in touch and haven't spoken in about 4 months. Most of the advice i get from family and friends is move on but for me, this is THE one. I am looking for any advice on how to get my SO informed on BP, the behavior it may cause, explanations for some of my previous behaviors and so on. I've sent her a book on Loving Someone with Bipolar and the last time we spoke she sounded as if she was beginning to understand but I would appreciate any more input that this loving community has to offer.
We all deserve nothing but happiness in our lives and each and every one of us are amazing sunflowers that shine through the darkest of times. But sometimes we need some water to get us through the drought, so any help would be great.
Sincerely, Sunflower in a Drought
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self.bipolar
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Today I found out my Ex moved on. Me and my girlfriend broke up about a month ago after dating for a year. I've always been depressed but it's gotten worse since we broke up. She always told me she wasn't gonna move on. Today i found out she did. and this dude has kissed her. It's got me all sorts of messed up, I haven't been able to get out of bed. I'm supposed to go somewhere with my dad today but I don't know if i can do it.
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self.depression
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People hate me because I was shitty in my behaviour I was living in a place with tons of other people bc job,we lived in the same building in 2/3 or more people in rooms and my depression and anxiety were hitting hard bc was my first real job (like i was so stressed i forgot things) and it was hard and i worked badly and idk why ppl started to detach bc i was not good at work -especially roomates, they said i was lazy, messy, that i lied i did not notice stuff to organize in room, that i sleeped too much, usually stopped talking to me (like i liked to eat some food in the room that had a horrible smell to them and they never said that...yeah they ate food in the room as well so i really didnt notice...). Like they said i had no personality bc they said i copied them (???) and made fun of me bc i was getting weight, and had mine pic with friends saved and made fun with other people or complain sometimes bc i put my alarm clock phone ringing at 5 am to do washing mashine(no one ever complained when i had other roomates, they even said i was very very silent) and idk they treated me like i was always a burden even sometimes blaming me for stuff i didnt make and invited people over night to party when i was trying to sleep and they were loud and when i changed roomates they complained that i didnt said nothing (like i was so sad that i didnt realize we paid a little amount for the room..). The real problem now that i quit this job definitely is that they made fun of me with lots of people there (saying things like i was so ugly to get laid, i was smelly -i wash myself every day and just under stress i smell i guess- and other unkind stuff i will never tell about someone even when i had bad roomates) and we all live in the same place or near( seasonal Jobs sucks) and made friends with them and i notice people looking weird at me and basically i have very few friends bc my depression makes me isolate and bc economical problems i dont have much money to go out and make friends. Now Im blocked in my toughts and I can'r manage myself to go out bc i dont want to run in those people, how do i get rid of all my paranoia and bad thoughs about myself and dont care about what they say?
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self.depression
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never been as resolute in my sadness as i have been today. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety from parents dismissing your feelings? For as long as I can remember I’ve been a sensitive person. Not so much that I get angry or emotional, but that I seem to think and have bodily reactions that are maybe stronger than the average person. It worked out well in school when I could analyze subjects, and then later as a mediator to understand people more deeply and try to see different sides of an issue. I thought it was a good trait to have in a lot of ways. I thought maybe it helped me be sensitive to others
But today it sort of hit me that the better I did in school or the more I overanalyzed (realize this is not a great trait), my dad or Mom might admonish me for it or dismiss my feelings. For the last couple years I sort of gave up on dreams to pursue a more higher education for a better job fit, taking one that is easier and less challenging (and pays less) than before. I criticize my feelings and thoughts often now, and don’t feel that they have much validity. I try to play cool and drink and laugh even if others tease me. These are good social skills but sometimes I’ve felt like a punching bag for others’ anger/annoyance.
Now I think this is dangerous territory. I guess lightening up is good advice, but is it necessary to dismiss so much of these thoughts and feelings?
I’m afraid bc I see my husband doing it now too. Of course anxiety can exacerbate it, make people not believe you, think you’re overreacting or are too negative.
But I accomplished things before this and felt pride in what I did, and was treated well by bosses and employees, which was nice. What if my life, my beliefs and concerns are legitimate?
I guess I must accept that people are born differently, and most people do not have thus level of anxiety or overanalyze. They find it annoying or self important.
At the same time, maybe the anxiety is a result of telling myself my feelings don’t matter, that my parents don’t ever have to apologize for neglecting me as a child. It feels like people don’t believe me but they would often diminish feelings and just move different places and even leave for months on end without an explanation to me. It felt like they thought I was ignorant when I could see what was happening. I could feel it.
Sorry for the rambling post. I just feel sort of hurt after years of assuming others are right and I’m wrong. It hurts when my dad called me too serious as a child, when it felt like I was fun loving at times and just wanted to pursue an interesting life.
If this makes sense, I’d love to hear anyone else who has felt this way, or how you learn to believe in yourself despite the fact others close to you may admonish you for it.
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self.Anxiety
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Having doubts about identity, reality. I'm diagnosed schizoaffective, type: bipolar.
I've been beset by doubts, feelings of worthlessness, feelings of depression. I don't know what's going on. I'm supposed to be going manic, not depressive. I don't even know why the fuck I'm posting here, I have a team on my case. I live in a good state, with great mental health care. I have a full-time therapist, case manager, peer support specialist, and psychiatrist. It just feels wrong. Like I can't tell them everything. I "switch" around them, I become another version of myself, a more calm, cool, collected version. I have everything under control in that moment. I don't want to have everything under control. I want help. I want to be able to feel something other than this hellish roller coaster of manic/depressive life. I'm sorry.
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone else struggle with free time? When I'm busy on a day-to-day basis (usually classes and work), my anxiety is pretty high, and I'm yearning for more free time. When I have plenty of free time on a day-to-day basis, my anxiety is at it's absolute worst, yet I'm yearning even more for more free time. Why? Does anyone else experience this? If so, has anything helped?
I'm just very frustrated that what was supposed to be a break from the stress of normal life has left me feeling far more stressed than before.
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self.Anxiety
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I think I could maybe use a little bit of help [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Has anyone experienced not thinking as a symptom of depression? I’m wondering if anyone else experiences thoughtlessness as a symptom of depression. I have bipolar 1 and have been mildly depressed for months now and haven’t been able to think of things to say to other people. I’m a writer and I barely written anything. I’ve been passing (or think I’m passing) my college classes, but I barely think. My head is empty and I wonder if this is natural for anyone else.
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self.bipolar
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gonna rope it tonight see you later. cant wait to "ruin" everyones lives for a solid couple of months.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Truth hurts, but easier to deal with than lies [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I made some money in Poker. I lost it all last night I've been playing online poker as a hobby for about 4 years. I've had some bad moments, but recently started winning and was up to 10k. Way more than I have ever been up, in fact up enough that if I cashed out then and there, it would have been like I never gambled. I played with it a little bit, then lost 500 of it, tried to get it back, lost more, you know the drill... Yeah I lost all 10k. All of it.
I have student loans, and am currently broke as shit and in school. I could have bought my girlfriend some nice gifts, as well as not worried about money until i graduate this year.
I made a terrible fuck up. I don't know how I could have done this but i clearly have a fucking problem. I told a few people that I won that amount, not my family yet, and only told my girlfriend that I've lost it. She wasn't mad at all and still thinks I'm a good person. I'm not suicidal but I just have so much shame and anxiety racking my body right now that I'm scared to leave my dorm room.
I guess im just back to where I was 4 days ago, but things were starting to look really good. I should have cashed it out. I really fucked up and absolutely disgusted with myself. Don't know if I will ever tell my friends I gambled it all, don't know if I will ever tell my parents I won in the first place.
I probably have a problem. I don't think I can ever play poker again without wanting to puke. Thanks for listening.
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self.offmychest
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I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest in me and it's a horrible feeling I've been trying my best to pretend that everything is fine for the past few days, but I just feel empty. I feel absolutely nothing. Everything feels hopeless and I have no one to talk to.
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self.depression
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I just feel numb; like something is missing Shitty things have happened in my life. My dad died when I was 13 and I was sent to a children’s mental health service. They said I didn’t have depression.
But fuck, I feel so numb and subdued from everything. I have great friends but don’t want to go into detail with them because ‘you’re a teen and teens can’t get depressed’
Just exhausted of feeling like this
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self.depression
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Anxiety attacks/general sense of overwhelming fear Any time I think more than a few days in the future, I get crushed with the uncertainty of it all. My gf of 3 yrs and I just split because we're both mentally unhealthy and need to figure ourselves out. I'm freaking out that she may not want a manic, anxious, bipolar suffering individual who has hurt her so much in the past. Thinking about the past kills me and the future is so uncertain with the thought of losing her for good as well as everything else uncertain in my future, it terrifies me.
How do I not get overwhelmed? How do I combat these attacks when the come on? I need to get better and deal with these mental illnesses so I can forge better relationships in the future but these attacks are seriously hindering me.
I'm hopeful that we'll be back together after we get a chance to fix ourselves. We're soulmates and we both know it. But I'm just so nervous that the best me won't be enough
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self.Anxiety
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Thank you person on the Bus Had a real shitty day
You the stranger pressed that button before i did but you did not walk out, you saw that i was getting off so you did it for me.
Thank you
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self.offmychest
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this past year happened just as i thought it would [deleted]
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self.depression
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2 weeks of xanax, is it safe to quit cold turkey? Hey, just a little background before I ask the main question, I've been diagnosed with a CNS disorder about 1-2 months ago on paper, in practice I have GAD, panic disorder and had massive agoraphobia before my blood tests. My GP prescribed me Xanax 0.5mg tabs 2-3 times per day as needed and escitalopram 10mg's daily, I have been taking the Xanax for about 2 weeks now in total I've taken roughly 8 miligrams in total over that period, I just started taking escitalopram yesterday for my anxiety and panic and stumbled upon some topics about xanax withdrawal and dependancy today after feeling like I had to take a xanax just like I would go for a smoke, I think I'm developing a dependancy. The big dilemma here is that Xanax is used to alleviate anxiety for me and to subisde the side effects from escitalopram for the initial week, so I'm terrified of taking the drug but I'm also terrified that it is the only thing that can help me at this point, so my question is, is it safe to quit it cold turkey? I have only taken one 0.5mg pill today and felt panicky after reading up about xanax withdrawal, I don't think it's that much helpful in the first place other than being a placebo.
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self.Anxiety
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going into first depressive state at new job, exhausted and can't work, advice/vent So i have been feeling really good, enough energy, not really any paranoid thought or suicidal, sleeping pretty well, until like a week ago.
the problem now is that i have a job that i have to go to everyday. i am so exhausted all day and am sleeping terribly. waking up all night, sometimes just sweating balls. pretty much all my bad symptoms are coming back.
today i got to work and was just exhausted, i had a couple sick days left and just took one. i sleept from like 9am to 12, after sleeping from 10pm till 6am but waking up all night. i even went to the gym last night.
my mind is so clouded and its hard to think, i hate this happening again. i'm going to see my pysc tomorrow to see what meds i can change up or what not but man this is tough. this is the first time at this job that i have gone into my depressive state.
i wanted this post to go somewhere but i guess its just me venting. if ya got any advice i would love to here it.
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self.bipolar
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Woke up wanting to die Well, I woke up and drove to the city I live to grab clothes because I'm staying at my, now dead, friend parents house trying to confort them and myself. If you want to know more about my friends death and how it is affecting me and averyone he loves i posted here https://redd.it/7pcl54 .
So, when i arrived at my house i grabbed a knife and sat in my bed looking at some old photos i have with my friend. I called my local suicide hotline, they weren't helpful at all, they informed the local police but they didn't show up. Tomorrow morning I will be traveling to my friend's city because his family still needs help, thats the only thing keeping me away from killing myself.
I've never thought that a friend's death would make such a huge impact in my life. I don't know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
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University is kicking my ass I always heard that moving away for University is like the ideal breeding ground for mental health issues, but I really wasn't expecting it to become this bad. I'm so up and down these days. One day I'll be perfectly fine, and then the next I'm lying on my floor with my thoughts flying out of control.
Dealing with exams and trying to balance social life while also trying to figure out my living situation for next year is just fucking me up. I'm trying to stay positive but I can't stop telling myself that I'm an idiot for having a difficult time in a bachelor of arts. Everyone I live with is in STEM and kicking ass while I'm struggling to maintain my scholarships. I also have the feeling that the people I hang out with aren't my friends, but I don't know if that's true, or if that's just the depression talking.
It's becoming harder and harder to leave my room. I was ok when my roommate was here, but he's been gone for a week and now there's nothing stopping me from laying in bed with the lights out for almost the whole day. I've been wanting to talk to my RA about this because I know they're trained to help with mental health issues, but I can never bring myself to do it.
Does anyone have any experience and tips for someone living away from home for the first time? I have a lot of new feelings that I'm not really sure how to deal with, and would appreciate some help.
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self.depression
|
Being slowly stripped of support. What if something goes wrong? I won't have anybody... My parents don't trust me anymore, because I "cheated" on a homework assignment. My best friend is having serious emotional problems after the death of his mother. And the only other person I feel comfortable confiding in, an officer of my club, is failing all her classes and struggling with anxiety.
I'm trying to be supportive of my friends. I know their problems are more serious than mine. But what if mine get serious? At this rate there will be nobody who can provide a source of support.
I can't be strong forever.
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self.depression
|
I’m just starting on my mood stabilizer, mild antidepressant and insomnia medication. I smoke pot to feel better in my depressive state. Has anyone had a bad experience with their medication? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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How to deal with regret and the past? I always try to convince myself that things are meant to be the way they are. I've read that you must forgive your mistakes from the past but not forget them so you won't do them again. How do you guys deal with the feeling that something would've been better if you made a different decision?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm sick of being lonely Sometimes this feeling is too much to bear, too much to overcome. Everyone I've loved has abandoned me at this point in my life and no matter how hard I try I can't get anyone in my family or any of my limited friends to see my pain and if they do see my pain they're too busy with their own lives to talk to me and help. I questioned posting this at first but I've been dealing with these feelings for a year now and it's getting to the point where I want to die. Can anyone please tell me this gets better?
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self.depression
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I can’t live with my parents for 4 more years [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate hospitals I've spent a lot of time in hospitals. My grandad was in and out with various illnesses and passed away whilst having his gall bladder removed. My grandma went into hospital and never came back out.
Now my partner had spinal surgery, and I'm visiting every day. I hate seeing people in pain, and I don't know how to cope.
I hate seeing her in agony, I hate not being able to do anything. I constantly want to break down in tears, or want to just stay in bed all day. My family are trying to help, but I just don't have the energy. I'm not sleeping, barely eating, and yet still going to and from the hospital each day.
I'm so low, and I'm putting on a brave face for my partner, her son and my family. I don't know how to keep going.
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self.depression
|
Cannabis and depression I'm actually legitimately fucking terrified and depressed that the US is ending marijuana legalization. That was my last pleasure in life and Jeff Sessions is taking it away from me. I know it might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people but it's the only thing that helped...
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self.depression
|
The last 3 days felt like the first days of my life. Today feels like the beginning of the last days. I have been having depression since Senior Year. I have been fighting non stop for 5 years. I took gap years to fight depression. Until last October, I thought depression has gone cause i felt totally normal at that time. During the time, I had a lot of ups and downs. Lots of tears, lots of laugh. But i have never given up on myself
Last November, my brother did sth bad. And my ex attempted suicide. That is when i got depressed again. The first time in 2 years
Until 3 days ago, I met a girl. "Perfect stranger" is the word that would suit her the most. My situation with her is exactly like in the movie "Before we go" by Chris Evan. 2 strangers meet each other out of 7 billion people but they would never see each other again. And 3 days after we met ( we hung out everyday for the last 3 days), she is gone. We still keep contact but I dont think i would ever have a chance to see her again. She knows about depression. She made me make a promise to reach out to her every time i get depressed.
The last 3 days were the happiest days of my life. It feels like I actually live for the first time. But i also got depressed since. I got depressed because i couldn't recall her image. I couldnt recall her face. I couldn't recall what she looked like when we first met. And i couldnt remember why those were the happiest days of my life. I just recall those were the happiest. All i can recall is a brief moment of her smile for like 5-10 secs, her voice, and the moment when we were about to say good bye that i poured out my heart. Everything is so blurry.
Then i went on to google to search for blurry memories and depression. And it leads me to "depression and memory loss" and " depression and Alzheimer " . Then i started to shed tears. I was thinking about the day i actually lost my memories. What if it actually comes, What if one day i wouldnt remember her, my mom, my best friends, and even myself ? I was teaching in class when i shed tears. I had to run to the bathroom and cried in there for 15 mins. Luckily noone noticed.
I remembered my promise to her. I was about to text her. And then i started to cry again. I will bother her. I will make her worried. I will waste her time. And i cant afford to hurt people i love.
This is the beginning of the end.
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self.depression
|
Haven't taken meds in about a week...think I am experiencing Discontinuation Syndrome. Hey guys, just a quick background I went to my primary care doctor back in June when my anxiety was really bad and she prescribed me lexapro. Ever since June I have been taking 20mg everyday up until I ran out of refills last week or so. So, I haven't took my meds in over a week which I stupidly know it would result in discontinuation syndrome and well aware it would be a possibly if I didn't see my doctor right away. Well today I just woke up and I felt off...it feels like I have the flu and I'm nauseous. I can still eat and have cravings for food and haven't thrown up or anything crazy like that. But I still feel off. And other symptoms I noticed is that my brain feels weird...almost like twitching I guess? It could be brain zaps but I'm already self-diagnosing too much but I think that's what it could be. Also yesterday as I am remembering now I had a pretty scary dream and woke up sweating. I plan on calling my doctor and getting back on the meds but I think this is what I have. I stupidly should of called earlier but my life has been a bit busy so hopefully it doesn't get too serious. Anyone go through anything similar?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Confronted with the harsh truth once more I'm so fucking tired of being me. Nobody will ever like me for who I am. I'm in my late 20s and have never had a girlfriend. I always struggled with relations but never having someone like me is starting to become too much to bear.
I've only have had one date in my life. And this girl mercilessly friendzoned me.
I have tried Tinder and Bumble but never were really successful. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing all these women and never having a match. I did get a match in a few occasions but they were either bots or the persons matching with me ignored me.
So in all my pathetic desperation, I bought a Tinder boost. This is basically a half hour boost you can buy that apparently heigthens your changes of being seen by users of the opposite sex for half an hour. How many matches did I get? Zero. This has just ruined me emotionally beyond belief.
The absolute proof that I really am a pathethic loser that zero changes of ever being happy in my life. I hate having to life like this. I hate being this sexually frustrated. I hate realizing that the only way I'll ever be with a woman is by paying for sex. I should probably end my life before I become so desperate and frustrated that I'll do something against a woman's will. I don't think I'll ever be capable of that. But the anger and resentment of being so unwanted does strange things with you. I just want to cry and scream at the top of my lungs. Nobody will ever love me.
I don't know how to go on realizing this. I just want to stop living. I just can't do it anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My depression is powered by my home, but the more I stay here the better for my future business [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Took 5,200 mg of ibuprofen 13 pills of 400mg of ibuprofen I just really want to die. I know I have people that care about me in my life but I don’t care about that. I don’t know what will happen after death. None of us know actually. I like to believe it’ll be like how it it was before you were conceived. You just simply didn’t exist. That’s what I want. To just stop existing. I’m tempted to take more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you know who's real online? I started going on okcupid a while ago. I made my profile in a way that I dont get many one-night-stand type of people (by stating that I'm not interested, putting that I'm looking for friends, etc). However I'm always worried if I start talking to someone that they might be lying or faking their profile and the things they say. Then I also get nervous about meeting anyone in case they might be planning to do something bad to me. :/
Anyone else have this problem? I'm not sure what to do about it besides staying off dating sites.
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self.Anxiety
|
Confessing My Feelings On New Years Hey guys. So my names AJ and on New Years I'm going to tell this girl that I love her. Shes super shy and has never been in a committed relationship before. She's admitted that she likes me and that I like her. We both met from mutual friends through an ex-girlfriend of mine. I swear to god y'all, when I even think about this girl, I get insane butterflies in my stomach. I've never felt this way about anyone else and she makes me such a better person. I'm glad I could share it with you guys!
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self.offmychest
|
I'm Just Tired Honestly. Honestly I'm just tired of living a meaningless life. I graduated college with a degree in a field I could give a shit about now, even have a job interview but dont want to go. My parents are no help. I talked to them about my Depression and it always ends up in some Conversation about how its a part of Gods plan and how everyone will miss me. Well if this is a part of Gods plan he can go screw himself and isn't a God worth worshiping in the first place and all they do is yell at me when I say I don't want to hear about God anyway. I could give a damn about my family they will be okay. I knew the Depression was really bad when my Grandpa passed away and I saw everyone crying and I just didn't even care and we were close. I'm hoping that this will help me not want to end it all tomorrow but if it doesn't I really hope there is no afterlife, I can't handle existing for eternity.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Help Im 20 years old and im a uni drop out and I feel like im worthless. Ive been suicidal for the past couple weeks and just feel like im nothing
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hatred Its not that i hate myself, its that i absolutely despise my existence. My life has only been detrimental to everyone who has gotten involved with me. I hate myself because of the things i feel. I hate myself because of the things ive done. I hate that ive gotten people involved with my life. I hate myself.
I hate that i try to be social, I hate that i am alone. I hate that i cant make friends, I hate that i dont try to. I hate myself.I hate that i exist, i hate that i dont want to die. I hate that i hate myself.
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self.depression
|
I really wish exiting this world wouldn’t leave my family devastated and traumatized [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Big rant about how 2017 was the worst year for me. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I think i convinced my self i had anxiety but i dont please read [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I think im gonna kill myself before the end of january [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is it because I'm high? This scares me a little bit and i can only admit it to myself whilst I'm high. Once I type it here i know it's real. I like keeping to myself. i've always ended relationships early. i just want sex not the emotional attachment.
i've ended it with girls because they want to be more serious but i just want sex.
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self.offmychest
|
Having hearing problems and dealing with people that get upset words mixed up is pushing me to the edge. It hurts when people get mad at me fo anything I say or don't. Distancing myself from NParents and toxic coworkers is the best I can do. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
father just passed away My dad passed away just last week and I cant handle living without him. Ive been so so so close to him my whole life and since I've moved out (im 22 almost 23) I only saw him about 2 weeks before he died and didnt really get a chance to say goodbye or anything. It came on really sudden. I dont have the balls to kill myself but Im just wasting away in my room avoiding life instead. I dont know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Don’t even know anymore I’ve been depressed as long as I can remember. Every day feel like I’m just waking up to wait around to go back to sleep again. Nothing feels fulfilling.
Going on and off anti depressants has been hell. Being prescribed over 250 mg of Zoloft has ruined any energy or will to live I had before.
I have a plan to kill myself and it would be so easy. Lay down, get crushed by a train, end. I keep bitching out, thinking that someone would try to stop me or I’d fail. I keep cutting deeper and deeper hoping one day I won’t be able to stop the bleeding.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Tomorrow's the day Things are gonna stay shitty and nothing's gonna change. No more hopes. No more dreams. It's gonna be peaceful. I'm finally at peace.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Threw up all over myself just as soon as the girl I love was getting interested in me [deleted]
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self.depression
|
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