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how to calm down while doing a research paper I am currently having a panic attack because I am trying to research information about my paper, but when I see all this information in front of me, I can feel my heart racing. I feel overwhlemed at all the informatina nd i get worried if I am able to contain all this and keep it in my head.
No matter how much I try, I cant keep my focus on the information. I try to look for other information instead and I tend to detour my research. This exhausts me and i don't know what else to do , but panic. All i do is panic
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self.Anxiety
|
It only takes a small amount of light to feel the suffocating strength of darkness A quote from the game "Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice" that I felt relates to depression.
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self.depression
|
Honestly, why bother Probably gonna regret posting this on my main, but oh well.
I don't see a point in living at the moment. Everyday is the same. Eat, work, sleep, repeat. It's an endless cycle, and I hate it. I literally am down to my last £5, and don't see any reason to start the cycle again tomorrow. All because I'm broke, and that wasn't even my own fault.
So, this might be it. I'll check in in the morning, if I'm still around.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
What's the longest anxiety/panic attack you've ever had? What were the worst parts? how long did it take to get over it and how did you manage? Due to some circumstances at (near really) my home that are out of my control and an awful interaction the other day I am in maybe the most severe and protracted anxiety attack I've had since my first panic attacks hospitalized me at the age of 19 (now 30). I'm constantly thought cycling and revisiting the bad interaction in my head. It's very difficult to eat and my stomach is a constant twisted knot. I'm hypervigilant and hypersensitive and I'm jumping at every sound. I'm just scared, terrified, of everything and of nothing. My poor dog doesn't know what's wrong with me. I'm hopeful it ends soon, it's been 3 days. I've been listening to anxiety help podcasts and reassuring meditations at work and reading other's stories online all night, I find it helps a little. So tell me your story of the worst anxiety/panic attack situation you had, whether it seemed like it would never end or was just during the worst possible time. P.S. I just found this sub-reddit today, and it's been super helpful reading and responding to other's stories. People without anxiety don't understand how simply and absolutely CRUSHING it can be to one's life, I know we all feel alone and often think that no one else on Earth is experiencing the awful things we are, but that's not true.
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self.Anxiety
|
I can finally articulate what had been brewing in my head, does anyone else feel this way? So part of being a computer science major is to think in a format of "x happens because of y". However, this way of thinking greatly intruded into how i am starting to see the world in general. I have developed a "why do anything if im just going to die?" attitude. Its almost as if doing "fun" activities is just a mask and we're just lying to ourselves to hide the fact that we're going to one day pass away. What really upsets me too is that there is no way to solve this. I like to think of myself as a problem solver who always looks to find an answer to the problems. I pride myself in being a well rounded person with a decent understanding of many different fields and it just brings me down knowing that there is nothing i can do to change this.
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self.depression
|
Recent personal breakthrough that helped me calm racing thoughts. My son is about to turn 2 and has started vigorously expressing emotions that he’s (understandably) not able to control. In those situations, it is ridiculously easy for me to look at what’s going on objectively and give him good, basic advice. Not that he can understand it right now, but that’s not relevant to my breakthrough.
My therapist told me that we’re all basically still the same emotional little kids inside and something clicked. I still feel like the same scared little boy every day. I’ve started looking at situations from the outside, being as objective as possible, and imagining what I would tell 7 year old me if he was feeling those emotions. Why I feel that way, if there is anything I should do about it, and that everything is alright if nothing needs to be done.
I’m shocked at how well it is working for me. I trust the advice I would give little 7 year old me because I have empathy for a little kid who cannot process emotions. Turns out, I’m not that great at processing myself and basic advice is needed. Until now xanax and my wife’s touch have been the only things that can calm me down when thought start racing. This is something completely internal that actually works.
I was beginning to lose hope as I know many people who experience anxiety do. I sincerely hope this can help 1 person cope a little better, or at least give someone hope that even though anxiety feels hopeless, there is something out there that will work for you.
Keep up hard work out there. Life goes in ups and downs. The ups will always come back if you don’t give up.
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self.Anxiety
|
Would you buy my poetry book? I have been writing poetry (well I started out rapping) for about 15 years. Over the last 2 years or so, I've compiled what I think to be some of my best ones. I have them divided by stories, anger, pain, hope and faith, love, and darkness. All entailing my experiences of growing up with major depression and just recently being diagnosed with Bipolar.
Technically I guess this would be biography and I'm no one special to be reading a biography about lol.. But I like to think I'm a good writer and would like to share my experiences with those who don't have a platform to express themselves and be able to share with others who may feel alone with what they're going through. None of us are alone and most of us go through the same shit, but I understand when shit hits the fan, you feel like you're in a box.
So as the title states, would you buy a poetry book that had someone's life experiences that may be familiar with your own?
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self.bipolar
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Is this self harm? NSFW So I (16M) battled depression for a few years and am slowly getting better, yet one little thing became a habit. I started tearing off my toenails. I don’t really understand where it originated from but when I do think of self harm, I don’t like the thought of pain for attention (not stating that all self harm is for attention). When I try to figure out why I do it I think it might have been to avoid the confrontation in public or from my family. My family does know that I once tor them off yet not that I still do it. I don’t think it’s like cutting yet more like chewing your nails, sort of like a nervous tick.
And this where I’m at today. I hate having to come out of the bathroom after washing my blood soaked toes bleed all over the damn counter and I hate the damn infections I get in my toes.They fucking hurt and I’m done with the pain from just fucking walking around. I’ll just be chilling listening to some chill ass music and I’ll be just picking away at my damn toes, and I don’t ever fucking realize it tell I’m bleeding all over the damn floor. For some fucking reason I don’t even realize I’m in pain till I notice the blood, and then I’ll continue to peal it off because if I leave like half the nail hanging around it’ll hurt while I walk so I say fuck and just get over with the pain fast instead of long term as it heals. I don’t understand why I do this or if this is even self harm cuz I’ve hid it from everyone or if I’m just batshit crazy.
Can you help me reddit, what do I do to stop this, I have a terrible addictive personality and I don’t know what to do, are there any alternatives to keep me from fucking up myself.
PS I don’t have money for stuff such as therapy or medicine as my mom has low income and currently can’t get a job do to school taking up a lot of my time.
PSS I don’t know if I explained how bad it really is and don’t know how to post pictures from mobile.
Thanks for the responses
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self.depression
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My girlfriend is leaving and I failed my first college class. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Everyday is the same. I've gone numb. This is my life. This is my world.
Thank you for bothering to read this. This isnt a rant, more of an emotional dump because I feel like hell right now.
Everyday is the same old struggle. Just life toying with my hopes like a deck of playing cards. I'm suprised that I haven't successfully ended it all yet despite my greatest efforts. Just something in me is still holding onto whats barely left of this life I have.
I wouldn't even call it a life. To have a life is to be alive.
Sometimes I dont even feel alive. The sound of my own heartbeat startles me; I just feel so dead, not to go all emo on you.
I've been let down by my family, friends and loved ones. Constantly, over and over. You'd be amazed at how much I get let down everyday. Just to wake up knowing Im alive to live another day is already a let down for me. Everyday is just the same.
I just cant focus on lessons anymore. I have major ADHD and I get so distracted, from the tap of a pen to the shuffling of my classmates. I cant focus. I focus on not particularly anything, but at the same time Im focusing on so much. I dont know anymore.
My teachers think Im messing around and my parents show no mercy when they see my grades. Somedays I find myself staring at the window looking at the birds who probably got it better than me.
Things just dont work out for me, I guess. Life isnt shit, it just had to be my life that ended up to be shit. I dont know whats wrong with me anymore. I feel so sorry that my parents had to work hard for a piece of shit like me. I just want to disappear, honestly. I don't want to feel if all my feelings just get trampled on in my life.
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self.depression
|
Emetophobia +school anxiety I’ve been having a rough time lately so I thought it might help me to just kinda speak my mind or something. Also, I’m writing this on mobile so my apologies if the format is wonky. This is kinda a rant I guess, so sorry if it’s not allowed.
Basic info (kinda irrelevant but whatever) - I’m a 17 y/o female in junior year of high school (11th grade). I also have (and am taking medication for) panic disorder. I have really bad emetophobia (fear of vomit)
Today was the first day back from spring break, and I had a panic attack on the way to school so didn’t even end up going to school. Two things caused this panic - the fact that I had to go to school in the first place and that I had a stomachache. For some reason, whenever I don’t go to school it makes it extremely hard for me to go to school when I have to go back.
Part of my stomachache was caused by insomnia last night due to my anxiety of school. When I don’t get much sleep it makes my stomach hurt. Then it hurts worse because it hurts in the first place, giving me anxiety.
But I think my school anxiety was causing me to get stomachache, which then causes my emetophobia to cause me to have more anxiety, which causes my stomachache to get worse, and so on.
Being at school gives me anxiety because I’m always afraid of other people vomiting and that giving me a panic attack and that scares me. I almost lost a friend when I was about nine due to emetophobia, which I’m pretty sure made me super insecure about it and therefore also makes me have anxiety about my emetophobia and it’s just a downward spiral of anxiety triggers.
So yeah, I don’t know how I’m going to go to school tomorrow. People are so nosy and always ask where I was, so I have to make up an excuse like “I was sick” but nobody believes that.
It’s just a fun time.
Oh- I also have a fear of failure. And by failure, I mean getting anything below an A in my classes. So that also makes all of this worse, because I’m missing class time.
I’m trying to ~~conceive~~ *convince* my mom to let me do online school so that I can still succeed in school, because I don’t mind doing school work, it’s the physical act of going to school. And no, I’m not just lazy. If I was just lazy, this would be an issue from the start, but it’s just shown up within the past year. I’m pretty sure this is because I’ve been struggling to get A’s in my classes. So yeah.
Anyways, I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful day/night/whatever time it is for you. <3
Edit: noticed a silly typo while re-reading after posting
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self.Anxiety
|
what should I do if I overhear my friends talking shit about me? I overheard my friends/ roomates blatantly talking shit about me in the living room. I was being really quiet so they wouldn't hear me. Should I confront them about it? or should I just cut them off and stop talking to them. I go to school and live with these people. I'm not trynna change my living arrangements but I can't see them the same way now that I know how they actually feel about me. What do you guys think I should do?
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self.depression
|
Seeing doctor this week to talk about my depressive symptoms. Is it bad if I ask to be put on AD’s? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Suicide after botched rhinoplasty This may be difficult for people to understand. I had a primary rhinoplasty performed via a closed approach in Glendale California.
The surgery was to fix my devation and shave about 1mm off the bridge. Instead the surgeon changed my entire nose and botched every part of it. He did the opposite of what I asked for. He had over 10 years experience, so I figured he could never botch me. How wrong was I. My nose is now wider, fatter, shorter, upturned, ugly, harsh and horrendous looking! He even amputated my tip!! I had a revison with another surgeon a few months ago (with rib cartilage) to fix my botched nose. Unfortunately it wasn’t successful. I have cried every single day for 1.5 years. I am severely suicidal. I have researched quickest and painless ways to die. I think jumping off a high building will ensure a quick death. I know some people may find it difficult to understand how anyone can kill them self over a nose. Honestly I would prefer to die than to have to spend the rest of my life with depression. My nose is absolutely horrendous. I cannot believe my primary surgeon mutilated my nose. It now also feels horrible. It was reconstructed with rib, which is so hard and stiff. I have pain in my nose and an uncomfortable pulling sensation.
He turned my nose into a blob of nothing. I am so embarrassed to leave my home. He has ruined my entire life.
I honestly want to die. I prepared my last will and testament which I should receive in a couple of days time. I am so depressed.
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self.depression
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Are my goals to big? Are my whishes to fixed? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I felt genuine happiness last night for the first time since, like forever And today I didn't have this feeling that some demons were controlling me. I enjoyed waking up. Actually tried to work at work. I didn't feel like shit for once. I feel free.
Last night I had tears of joy. I did some things and realized stuff and... I feel somewhat alive again. Reconnected with my best friends and yeah... I do know that my demons are still in there in me, but for now, they can't do shit!
I just wanted to thank you. Thanks for the people who listened to me and talked to me. Just thanks for existing.
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self.depression
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hey, I'm not really sure if I'm just being dumb or if I actually should post this! [deleted]
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self.depression
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I hate my family for no apparent reason. It's probably just because I'm a horrible person. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I’ve literally felt every anxiety symptom in the book, it’s almost like every time I get over one symptom a new one comes along and it’s truly affecting my life and Idk how to get over it. Please help [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Is it just me? Anyone else feel like anxiety and depression has shaped them into a completely different person?
Looking back I feel like a complete different person. It scares me?
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self.depression
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Accident Wouldn't it be better if someone makes his suicide like an accident? I mean the family's grief and social stigma wouldn't be a problem. I have been trying to think of a good way though.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think I may be becoming obsessed with my boyfriend's older sister For what it's worth, I'm female and we've been together less than 6 months. I feel as though I have a crush on her (she's very beautiful and we have somewhat similar interests), however we've hardly spoken ever and I don't know her. I think the best description for my feelings would be jealousy, admiration, idolization and I think limerence. It's at the point where if she acknowledges me online (a simple like even) I get butterflies and think about it/her for some time thereafter. I've only spoken to one or two friends about it but not necessarily in a serious way but I feel far too ashamed to speak to my boyfriend about it. I'm not unhappy with the relationship either, which is why I'm confused by the way I feel, albeit rather disappointed. (throwaway because I'm paranoid)
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self.offmychest
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I'm really struggling I miss her everyday so much. I cry all the time.
Maybe I'm delusional, but I have hope that she could take me back after seeing how I've put a lot of effort in myself to grow. I still love her with all my heart and more than anything else in this world. I'm giving her space right now, and will try to open the lines of communication later this month.
I just can't bear the thought of losing her forever. We were together for a long time and life without her has been so stressful. I have some health issues, my relatively new job hasn't been going as well as I would have hoped, etc. I feel like everything is piling on top of me at once and I can't rely on the one person who could help me cope with this. Talking to my parents or friends just isn't the same.
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self.depression
|
My best friends sister had a suicide attempt, any advice? Just talked to my friend and found out that last night his sister tried to kill herself, took tons of pills. I don't know what to say to him to help out, just wondering if anyone has some advice in that respect. Thanks
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need to get things out of my chest. It is slowly killing me. I am doing college and I have already had to do a class again because of missing too much classes. This semester I did it again. I don't know why. I do know but I don't.
I can see my % of classes missed online but I am always too afraid too look which leads to me having to do a class again. I don't know! WHAT IS MY PROBLEM? If I had to say something I'd say it is the fear of having another panic attack like I gad last semester.
I am 99% sure I'll end up losing 2 classes maybe this semester but I CAN'T CONFIRM. I'm too afraid. GOD why do I have to feel this way? It makes no sense. Makes me feel like a powerless coward. Makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life. WHAT CAN I TELL MY PARENTS? How will I tell them I failed AGAIN because I didn't attend class. FUCK. Just kill me now. I just want to disappear. I want all the pain to go away.
I want joy. Genuine JOY.
Feeling of having nothing to fear. Nothing to hide.
I want to be myself.
I want to be able to study everything and not tie my self to a course. I want the fucking college to care about their student.
I want to know what I want to do in life.
I am afraid I'm losing time on a course which have some classes I cannot stand.
I want not to have problems.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY cant the pain we feel go away? Why can't I face this. I feel like I can't hide under my depression again BUT IT'S THE TRUTH. I am weak. Depression fucks me up. It makes all these things happen. I don't knwo if my parents will understand and even let me stay in college. FICL MY LIFE. What if they pull me out of college.
I'm crying my eyes out. My heart is like a african tribe drum during a festival. I can't stop wondering HOW THE FUCK I'M GOING TO GET BETTER.
I always came here to help and get helped BUT I CAN'T EVEN HELP OTHERS ANYMORE. Why does existence have to be so painful. Worst part is I can't even stop my existence because of the suffering of the ones close to me.
Wish I was alone in the world to make it easier.
Also wish the world was different so I wouldn't feel like this.
Seems like a way of taking my self out of the equation but I feel like the world failed me and existence is a constant torture. Maybe I should had died as a kid. Good life till then. Could have spared my self from all the pain I'm feeling.
My last and only psychologist asked what would I say to the past me in my mother's belly and I said 'Everything is going to be fine'. If I had the chance today, I'd tell him to not come out.
Always thought of having kids. Now I can't even see my self in the future.
Hope part of the pain leaves after this
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self.depression
|
Bizarre realization: I'd kill myself if I didn't have work tomorrow
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Help is a long way away I used to feel left out but now I'm at the point where I don't want to be around anyone. I've had enough. Long story short, I'm having trouble at work and preoccupied everyday about it. I'm sure that I'm going to get fired because I'm not doing to well on the job. I never felt more inept and I can't seem to handle the job requirements no matter how hard I try. I feel so insecure and this fear is keeping me from achieving anything I strive for. I'm restless everyday, I can't focus for extended periods of time with this constant brain fog. My social skills are lacking and my relationships are suffering. I don't know what to do with myself- there is little joy for me and I am dying inside with no energy or motivation to push myself along any further. I just can't seem to do it. I'm constantly misunderstood but I'm trying to stay positive. Things seem out of control these days and bad news is always looming. Life is just so unsatisfying to be worth dealing with all this. Despite this, I suck it up but now I wonder how long I have to keep this up. I did some quick searching and a permanent solution seems to be reasonably priced and just what I need. I'll probably mull this decision over a bit more but I'm going to make something happen. I feel trapped and am anguishing daily over simple things most people take with stride like interactions with others, social situations, and relationships. I feel like a burn victim being forced to sunbathe in the desert sun, I can't take it much more. I feel tortured forcing myself to wake up and do it again everyday when I don't want to in the first place. I can't even begin to describe how that feels and its why I need to get this plan rolling. Something has to give
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self.depression
|
I feel worthless after not being a virgin anymore. I am afraid of the consequences in my future, although I try to think positive [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I'm so done. I can't take this anymore. The only thing stopping me is my family, and when I stop caring about them, I'm scared that there will be nothing stopping me. All I'm doing is being a downer anyway, so what's the point in me being around to just be a burden to everyone?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
An anxiety smorgasbord.. Yea,so now this will be a extension of my earlier thread...
Now,there are some things that I should be happy about(Like finally getting my Bachelor's degree after nine freaking years!),but I am not,unfortunately.
Graduation anxiety,Paranoia over NK affecting my Japan plans(In a way,I wouldn't mind dying in Japan,so meh.) and fear for the future of not only America,but the world.
I am not looking forward to 2018 at all.
I fear that we could be very much at war with NK by then and then god knows how much things are gonna go to hell.
We're so fucked aren't we?
Who else feels this way?
I mean,I know I can't do much about certain things,but Jesus,who knew things could get THIS bad?
God help us all.
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm spending this whole thanksgiving alone in my bed That's fine. Just like every other day
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self.depression
|
New Anxiety Source Hello, now in addition to the other stuff I've been dealing with, now I seem to have a constant headache. Before it would come and go but now it just seems to stay with no end in sight. The only thing that makes it a little better is if I lay down and close my eyes but that doesn't make it go away entirely. So now I had heartburn, random sore throat, ear aches and now a constant headache, I'm going nuts here. No doctor has been able to find anything and I'm going insane, is this really anxiety? I just need someone to talk to because I'm going crazy over this. What's happening with me?
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self.Anxiety
|
Something random Its kinda funny, im sitting in the corner of a room writing "probably" edgy stuff while my "friends" have fun just next to me. Only thing that has changed in the past year is that im writing to reddit instead of the Lithuanian.
I fear around half the people here, i see nothing in their eyes, no emotion in their movement, nothing.
I dont have cuts in my hands but still i wear the same hoodie i did back then. Its weird how the things i did to hide it have stayed even after some of those have become obsolete.
In all honesty i miss those times, cut cut and cut whenever i felt like loosing it, it was more risky, yes, but the sting it gave was so nice. Now its once a month to leg as i cant let anyone see them or the "hell" which happened back then would return.
I dont know what im writing anymore, i just started this text for some reason i cant remember.
Goodnight.
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self.depression
|
I feel out of place It's my first semester in college out of state and I still get the feeling I made a mistake coming here. I rushed Greek life thinking it would help me make new friends that would actually mean something to me but so far I only feel like another fraternity bill. My friends back home think I should move back asap due to depression but I feel financially committed to this college for another semester. This school is nothing what I thought it was and every day I have moments of severe depression. I can't help but think that moving away soon and starting again a second time might actually make life worth living again. I thought going to college would help me get over how depressing high school was and let me be accepted for who I am rather than what people want me to be but I only get ridiculed here as well. I get the vibe that I'm intentionally never included in anything and it hurts a lot because all I ever do is help others when I can. What should I do before I become severely depressed here?
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self.depression
|
i think i have Borderline Personality Disorder or Autism. whenever someone wants to help me and give me advice it is walking on eggshells. pretty much my communication is tampered and i can use every word against others when i feel attacked, as i push them away and feel higher up than them i also have a intense urge to verbally self destruct. i will have thoughts of ''Leave me alone no one will understand my pain, let me die, miserable/broken loser''. these often hit deep in my soul to the point it feels like a slight psychical reaction. i just feel sorry for myself many times and think ''poor me'' and i again get the urge to just seek attention and be comfortable in the state of misery as for some reason it is bad but also soothing or a coping mechanism. my psychiatrist thinks i may only have BPD/NPD traits but i will see her again next month for confirmation. does this sound more like aspergers? as i am clumsy, take thing literally, talk fast and ritualistic hand movements
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self.depression
|
My boyfriend is the sweetest person on this entire planet and I don’t know how to deal. This is a post of appreciation for the one person that sticks with me.
So, for the last few weeks I have suffered from major anxiety regarding my health. Due to a shortage in vitamin D i am in pain mostly 24/7. On meds now but today it’s worse than ever. I am also supposed to get my period right now so that ain’t helping... I also slept bad last night with very weird dreams and woke up without pants.
This has resulted in me not being able to sleep well because sleep terrifies me - because I am convinced I am going to die. (Going to a therapist next week, don’t worry).
Every single time I was scared and told my boyfriend he was like “I am coming your way and I am staying”. EVERY SINGLE TIME NO MATTER WHAT.
It sucks to feel like this but at least with him around I can sleep. I love him so much and in four months time he has done more for me than any of my exes.
Deer, I love you so so much ❤️
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self.Anxiety
|
Something that pisses me off but probs shouldn’t Does anyone else get extremely angry when you hear other people who are not depressed say stuff like o lol I’m so depressed or wow that’s depressed
It makes me rly angry
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self.depression
|
Starting Seroquel, Terrified of Weight Gain I am a sixteen year old recently diagnosed as bipolar type II. I'm currently at a healthy weight, 5'7" and around 125 to 130 lbs. However, I am very uncomfortable with the idea of gaining weight. I don't think badly of someone else if they happen to be overweight, but the idea of it happening to me terrifies me and makes me feel sick. I don't know what to do. If I'm young, have a high metabolism, and work out, will I still be at a high risk of weight gain?
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self.bipolar
|
Today sucked. Most days are ok for me, but today was really bad for some reason. Not even sure why I'm so meh.
As I was going to work, I needed to pack some shoes I hadn't used in a couple months but I couldn't find them. I was really mad and afraid my boss would be mad at me because I just lost my name tag a few days ago.
Before work I stop of at the store because I scratched my less then 2 week old phone. I never scratched the screen of my 3 year old phone so I don't know why I got a scratch. They didn't care.
Get to work. I have this big crush on this girl and was hoping to do an ice cream date with her tonight. Soon after I got there a co-worker told me she had a gf.. kinda awkward.
She couldn't go out tonight because of studying for finals. (She really wants to hang out another time though thankfulky) I really wanted to hang out tonight because I was feeling so crappy.
Work was super super boring and didn't get to talk to anyone.
And I used to rant wayyyy to much, so now I'm not telling my friends like anything for a while just so I can build myself up for a while. I had a habit of asking them for advice, and ending up following their advice to a t and not wanting to think for myself. So I'm not telling anyone she has a gf or any of that.
Texted my bf after work and realized he didn't even know I was going to go to college. We hadn't talked longer then I thought.
And later tonight, I did something I wish I hadn't.
Sorry for the long rant lol. I don't do it much anymore, so when I do, it's big.
I just wish I could hug and cuddle someone rn.
Thanks for reading! :)
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self.offmychest
|
how do i help my friend? my friend’s friend (A) tried to kill herself but didn’t succeed in her attempt. i don’t know A personally so i can’t directly tell her anything, and i hear everything about A through my friend.
every time my friend tells me how terrified they are of losing A i go totally speechless because i don’t know what’s the right thing to say to console her. telling her “hang in there, it’ll be alright” is kind of insensitive and it doesn’t help that try as i might, i have no idea how my friend is feeling in their situation.
what if A had already planned to off themselves already? is my friend wanting A to stay alive being selfish? what if A truly sees nothing else in this world to live for, and feels that death is the only way they’ll find peace? i’ve been thinking over this for the past week and i’ve yet to arrive at an answer. how do i handle this?
one should never condone death, but what if death is truly the only way that one can find true peace and closure?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I literally created an account on reddit for this Tomorrow is my birthday and i most probably am gonna end my life.
Most people dont even know its my birthday tomorrow, and i am just fed up with everyone and everything. My family are indifferent about me, which is because of me always pushing them away. I have no close friends as when people start getting close to me , i always cut them off. I am messed up in the head and lonely to the point where i dont have anyone to leave a note to. I just wanna write on my wall "have fun living this nightmare" and just end my life, just for the fun of it. I fail at goals and deadlines. I get late to everything cause i cant muster a single ounce of motivation and i quit school two years ago because i just couldnt stand sitting alone anymore, and opted for private education. So yeah thats my entire life. Goodbye world
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self.SuicideWatch
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The love of my life is in love with another man. It hasn't hit me yet but damn. That's life I guess haha.
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self.depression
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I'm unsure So hello everyone,
I've been feeling depressed for a very long time, ever since I came to my new school. At some point I used to think that I'm a schizophrenic, sometimes I still do as well, and I feel depressed for much of the day time.
Of course, there are some moments I feel better, I feel overly excited, I feel super helpful, etc., but when the joyness runs out (it happens quickly) I start feeling depressed again. Rinse and repeat.
I have a boyfriend, and my depressed feelings and ruined behaviour ruins all the relationship. I mean I literally want to kill myself or go away for a very long time, but when few hours pass by, I feel guilty, I tend to think that he feels angry on me, because every time I tell him that I feel depressed, he gets confused or even starts feeling like that by himself.
I'm unsure, if I have a bipolar disorder, is it a depression, or is it just my crybaby-ish behaviour. I couldn't tell that because when I asked for my mom to take me to psychiatrist, she told me that it is just my internal problem and that I will handle it and get over it. It didn't.
I'm unsure if I have any mental disorder, because I'm not a specialist nor an acknowledged doctor. And I'm unsure if I'm okay at all, because everytime when I tell myself to feel happier - yes I do so sometimes - I fall deeper into my depressed feelings. And the day coming, I feel better, for a few hours.
Thanks for the time you've spent reading this.
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self.bipolar
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I see a monster in the mirror It'll seem stupid, pathetic, whatever. But from time to time I'm sure we all get self conscious and see ourselves in a distorted way perhaps...I've had this going on for years now, always calling myself fat and then people saying 'oh shut up no you're not you're lovely' or whatever. It only ever seemed to get worse when i was down = when i'm down, i'm fat, when i'm up, i'm slim. But now, it's just fucking constant. I look in the mirror and see a monster, it makes me sick to my stomach, I can't get a bath or take a shower without feeling awful, I have to close my eyes. I can't look at my body for long before my head starts to hurt. The invasive thoughts almost seem like voices yelling at me "you're disgusting, you fat useless lump, huge, vile, obese, unlovable" it's like my head is screaming to the point i feel numb. I'm constantly thinking about food and exercise, what i'm going to eat what exercise i'm going to do but then at the same time i have absolutely no energy to the point sometimes i can't physically move like i'm depressed as shit. I can't sit down and relax, i have to sit or position myself in a certain way so that i look acceptable. I even bought myself a corset which i'm determined to wear 24/7, but i passed out and was sick everywhere because of it.
I feel like i can't talk to anyone about it bc they just say the same thing 'oh but you're lovely you're slim you have nothing to worry about'...but they're not inside my head? they're not listening to the what i would call torture i put myself through! and i realise how annoying it is to hear someone complain about how 'fat' they are. some people close to me are getting worried and saying how sad they are that i can't see how 'beautiful' i am which is making me worried. Am i blind? idk if theres something wrong or if i'm going crazy, i don't know who or what i see in the mirror anymore and it's scaring me so fucking bad. Just a very confused and overwhelmed individual.
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self.offmychest
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Feeling Home sick today. Just hit 6 months sober yesterday and I've been having a pretty hard time with it. I know I'm doing good but I still feel so disjointed. I'm entirely grateful for everything my mom and stepdad has done for me, but I feel more lost than I did before I left Michigan. I've been having more using dreams that are just off the wall absurd but they get to me. I feel almost like I reverted back to thinking again like right when I first got clean. Thinking what's the point. The only reason I keep going is because I know 6 months is too much to throw away. I know this is just a slump but it seems so much more hopeless now that i'm in it. I miss Michigan. I miss having my own place.
I guess I'm just having a hard time taking life on life's terms. Fuck holidays.
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self.offmychest
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Not sure why I’m actually writing this Drugs are out because they’re too obvious. I don’t own a gun or car, and don’t have money to hire someone or travel. I also don’t want it to be painful or too damaging and it should look like an accident not a suicide.
Edit: just realized I never outright said it, I’m trying to kill myself and listed above are my limitations and requirements
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self.SuicideWatch
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Zinc supplements have supercharged my Wellbutrin. Turns out there is scientific evidence that zinc is synergistic with antidepressants. I've been on Wellbutrin for about 5 months now and I've been in a love/hate relationship with it. It helps with motivation and energy, but I find myself getting irritable sometimes, and having a hard time calming down. In short, it did not help much with my anxieities, but gaveme the tools to deal with them in constructive ways - that is, until recently.
I came down with a cold three weeks ago and started taking Zinc Lozanges. Within a couple days I noticed myself feeling quite cheerful, unanxious, relaxed, but very motivated. The way I've been feeling recently has never ever happened to me as consistently as it has since I started eating these zinc lozanges - while taking Wellbutrin.
It turns out there might be a reason for this. There is some scientific evidence that zinc supplements 'supercharge' antidepressants, making them work much better in some cases.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21791218
A possible model for this is the nicotinic acetylcholine receptors role in depression.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181734/
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self.depression
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I found a girl which is really into me and I want to love her back but I know that my mental state is beyond fucked.. How can I tell her that without breaking her heart? I don't feel comfortable to go into detail.
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self.depression
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does anyone else have completely different handwriting depending on your mood? My handwriting changes drastically with my moods. I didn't really notice until I was in a group project last semester and the members in my group started saying things like, "Did you write this?" "This looks completely different than this thing you wrote a couple weeks ago." "Why does your handwriting always look different?"
It made me kind of self-conscious so I started looking through my other notes from classes and realized that my handwriting is very inconsistent. At the end of our group project, we had to submit handwritten deliverables to show our work throughout the project. There were a few things that we weren't sure who wrote because the handwriting wasn't familiar. My group members said, "If you're not sure whose handwriting it is, just paper clip it with pendulumofmoodswings' work."
Anyone else noticed something similar?
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self.bipolar
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Think I might be relapsing? Help? Hey, it's my first time posting here, but I really need some advice right now, I'm feeling really confused and, quite frankly, kind of scared.
So I've been on Prozac for about... a year and a half? Maybe 2? And ever since my 3rd week on it I've been on the rise, the edge was wiped off my depression and everything was just so much easier to cope with. I dealt with a lot of past issues and I didn't want to kill myself anymore, everything was great!
But the last month I don't know why, but friends and family have been getting worried about me. At first I didn't understand why at all; I still felt fine, even though I was a little stressed out. It was just stress, normal. But then they started pointing out to me that I'd started to pick up a lot of my old depression habits...
The main habits they pointed out were that I've been sleeping waaaay more than usual, I've been eating more and more, and I'm becoming very lethargic, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to go to work, not wanting to do a lot of things.
Now at first I thought they were just seeing things, because I still /want/ to do the things I love doing, I still /want/ to do stuff with friends, and I still /want/ to be successful and complete my ambitions... but after they mentioned it I realized that even though I /want/ all of those things... I've just, stopped doing a bunch of them.
In the last month, I've been avoiding work shifts, I've been saying I want to go to the gym, but I haven't at all, I've been ignoring he things I know I need to record (I voice act on the side,) and I've been, albeit unconsciously, trying to avoid school as much as I humanly can. I don't want to fail my classes, I really truly don't, but something in me is just... it's losing its drive again. For the first time in my life I'm on the verge of failing a class, even though I keep assuring myself and everyone else that it's only a matter of time before I catch up and I'm fine again, I'm starting to doubt myself... And I'm scared that I'm going to full-blown relapse to my old depression without even realizing it...
So that's my predicament. I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I honestly left out more than I told here. I really hope somebody knows what I'm feeling and has some kind of solution or help for me... I really need it. Thanks.
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self.depression
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Does this sound right? Alright, here's the story. I was talking to my therapist yesterday about my 'depression slumps', as I like to call them. I mention that my most recent one lasted about two weeks, which is average for me, and that they change very quickly and I don't know what brings them on. My 'slumps' leave me feeling unproductive, tired, and very irritable. If I feel overwhelmed with what I'm doing, I tend to lash out and get mad. I also mentioned that during the times when I wasn't in a 'slump' I was normally more productive, I'd have more energy, and I'd sleep less. I mentioned a few other things and she basically told me that it sounded like I might be bipolar, but it wasn't a diagnosis. I plan on getting checked out by a pysc soon.
So, here I am, asking for your advice. Does that sound like how you normally experience this? And if it does, what do I do next? Or if it doesn't, is this just a normal way to feel?
I'm overwhelmed and scared honestly.
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self.bipolar
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Don't even bother reading this , it is not worth it. Just wanted to get this out. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Friend just makes fun of me, and ridicules me. Fuck man, I don't even know what to do. The guy just keeps harassing me, and making me feel like complete shit. I just want this guy to get out of my life, because he's just toxic, but he's just within my social circle. Shit man I just feel like shit, and I know this won't get any better.
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self.depression
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Staring at my wrist I'm pretty dizzy and just laying in bed after a FIFA night with my friends thinking how easy it would be to make a cut on my left wrist and fall asleep. I'm actually crying and I don't know why. I'm alone, but there are people who care about me so I kind of hate myself for having these selfish thoughts. I hate myself, but I love many things about the world we live in, I love artists, I love my friends, I love good people, I love athletes and I love the people in this sub, but I hate myself for beeing just a waste, if another sperm cell would have made it, he or she could have made this world a better place, but I'm just me, having the consciousness to make a difference, but beeing too much of a failure to do so.
I really wish we had a plug we can take out whenever we feel like we've had enough. Looking back, I would have pulled it out years ago and as my life has been since then I would have not regretted it even for a moment.
I am truly sorry as I know some people here are going through real pain and obstacles, while I'm thinking about suicide because of depression and loneliness, so this is more of a rant against myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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So it turns out I wasn’t strong enough, hoping it won’t be long now
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self.SuicideWatch
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When will these thoughts go away I’ve been near constantly having suicidal thoughts for the past 7 years. There’s been periods of time where I wasn’t considering it, but it’s usually at least in the back of my mind.
I just want to make the thoughts stop. They hurt my head. I don’t want to be like this anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Small Victory Saturday 10.7.17 You know the drill. What'd you achieve this week? Let's celebrate our successes together =)
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self.bipolar
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Eye-contact and hyper awareness anxiety? Hello everyone, I have recently found that I have trouble looking people in the eyes for quite a while without interpreting or worrying about how I look or how I will react to certain words or things they are saying, this is especially exacebated in a group situation where people are looking at me, I feel like I am staring or that when certain people look at me I tense up and feel like I am slightly shaking or jerking.
I also struggle with this issue of who to look at when I am asking a question to a group, where do I direct my attention? I feel like if I look directly at one person when answering or asking a question it's like I prefer that person and they know I have a special thing for them or anything but that isn't true at all. I feel like eye contact shows who I want to focus on in a group situation which throws me off. Also figuring out where to look when sitting side-by-side with someone and for how long to look.
I have had a weird problem with tensing up or feeling like my body is very slightly jerking when certain words get brought up or certain people look at me. I have trouble staying very still listening to someone else in conversation because my mind races. Can anybody help me out with this issue or has anybody else felt this mind racing insanity when having eye contact or listening very still?
I just want to be able to look into some ones eyes and intently listen and absorb their information and not feel so self-conscious or like I have to worry about each body movement and eye action I make
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self.Anxiety
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Nobody wished me on my birthday and I don’t understand why it hurts.. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Should I be turning down my fiancée when it comes to sex? I’ve been with my fiancée for 10 years. I want sex often, her - not as much. So whenever she initiates I go for it because I obviously want it. I get turned down numerous times, almost pretty much to the point where I don’t initiate anymore. Should I be shutting her down sometimes instead of going for it each time she makes a move? Would this theoretically make her want me more or would it backfire on me? Am i thinking too much into this? I’m just so confused.
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self.offmychest
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these good people in this terrible city last new years i went through a terrible heartache and became a hermit for a few months. a friend of mine noticed and reached out, inviting me first to join her in hot yoga, and second a running group a few months later. i haven't ran since gym in highschool which was 7 years ago. so i went to run, my friend said she'd be there a little late but it turned out i was alone with this group of new people(who were in much much better shape than me), for about 2 hours. but, they didn't mind that i was there alone, and i made acquaintances. then friends. then lovers. the amount of chill in that group is immeasurable.
so fast-forward to thanksgiving and i can't go home this year due to a few circumstances outside my control, one of the runners invites me the night before to her friendsgiving. i whip up my mom's pumpkin pie recipe which i get half-right(the crust could have been better), and some pecan pie bars to bring, all of which took me like 4hrs. so i head to the train station day of and i forget to bring cash with me on the train. i have to get off the train cause they don't take card. so there i am crying in the train station with a backpack full of sweets and a shopping bag of pie. i go home and tell the host i can't make it. she proceeds to blow up my phone, offering to pick me up, that people want me there, that they feel bad that they didn't give me a ride earlier. i decline cause i want them to eat on time, they said they'd be eating at 4pm and i couldn't make it there by then. i stayed home, napped, got baked, ate part of the pie i made, and ordered soooo much indian food.
today the aforementioned host stopped by and gave me a to-go bag of thanksgiving dinner.
so for the second time in two days i'm crying
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self.offmychest
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Besides SSRIs or benzos, what other medication can help with anxiety/motivation?
I am afraid of SSRIs due to the side effects, and I do not even want to mess with them until a last resort. I am trying to figure out what else is out there that could help with anxiety along with motivation issues.
I get prescribed lorazapam for panic attacks, so I only use those sparingly when I really need to. I've started to take buspirone about 2 weeks ago, but it doesn't seem to be helping too much. My anxiety is still there, specifically in social situations when I need it most, it doesn't help, and it doesn't effect my energy levels either. I see my doctor again this week and want to try suggest another medication (while still continuing with buspirone).
I feel as if my motivation/energy levels go hand in hand with my anxiety. I have goals I want to accomplish and things I want to get done, but I am having a real hard time finding the motivation to get things done or pulling myself together to complete something. Which then adds to my anxiety because I am constantly worried about my future, yet I am not doing anything to work towards it. Another reason I am worried about SSRIs, as I read many people lose motivation when taking them
What options do I have? And how do I bring this up to my doctor? He knows I am afraid of SSRIs, but do I just suggest other medication that I think would benefit me?
So far, the only other medication I have came across that I am willing to try would be Wellbutrin. I have read it gives people energy/motivation while also combating depression. Many also their anxiety/social anxiety got worse when on it, because it effects norepinephrine and they became more anxious and irritable on it. Others said it helped their anxiety and also gave them motivation. I feel as if something that would give me energy and motivation would help my anxiety because it would get me going, get my brain cleared up from the fog and allow me to get stuff started/finish tasks, which will in-turn make me feel better about myself and help with my anxiety/depression.What other medications would help with motivation and anxiety? I really want to try a stimulant, but I am reluctant to bring it up to my doctor as stimulants usually aren't the first line of treatment for anxiety, but for motivation/focus they are. Are there other medications out there similar to Wellbutrin?
I am really just trying to figure out what other options I have. Suggestions?
**TL;DR**
Besides Wellbutrin, what other medication is out there that could help with anxiety as well as motivation? Not SSRIs or benzos, something that doesn't have as many side effects.
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self.Anxiety
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Outpatient hospitalization Has anyone done an outpatient hospitalization program? My biggest concern is how much it is going to cost, even though they take my insurance. I go tomorrow for the meeting with the clinic, but I'm anxious about it tonight and thought maybe I'd ask!
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self.bipolar
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Just need to vent... I just really feel as if I wasted my time at college. Yes, I have a declared major that I enjoy plus I’m doing well in classes. I really am happy to be here for all of the normal school reasons. The issue is that I completely stopped growing as a person, or so it seems. I never really made that “first friend” that everyone else seems to do. For the last two years I’ve just spent time with someone I went through middle school and high school with, who honestly was a terrible friend. I didn’t join any student orgs or do anything to get involved on campus so I haven’t met anyone that way. I just feel like I’m wasting my time since I won’t have those “crazy college stories” to tell my kids. I thought college was supposed to be meeting new people and knowing a thousand friends and going to a party every other day. Instead it seems as if I crumbled into myself.
I currently am a junior and I vividly remember the moment freshman year when my life changed for the worse. It would have been within the first few weeks of living on my own in the dorms. My roommate was definitely more extroverted and outgoing than me which was totally cool. He had begun to get to know the people on my floor while I nervously hung out in my room waiting for someone to include me in something. He comes in and says they’re drinking and hanging out across the hall and told me I’m more than welcome to pull in a chair and hang out. What do I do? Continue to sit in my room and worry about how I look and how I don’t have anything in common with these new classmates of mine. I never went across the hall into the other room, I never got to know anyone else and completely shut down. My sophomore year (last year) was then one of the worst that I’ve ever had. I’m slowly starting to come out of that mind fuck of a year but I just feel…damaged and unstable. I still have no social skills or the ability to talk to anyone because I isolated myself way too hard and just closed myself off. I get panic attacks thinking about this because I only have three semesters left of college before I graduate and I can honestly say that I have done close to nothing with my time here. I really wanted to come here and blossom into a completely different person and make people say “Oh wow remember him in high school? He turned out to be pretty cool” but instead I turned out just the opposite. I just feel broken and "expired". Like at this point my only option is to kill myself because I fucked everything up so bad.
(Sorry for the length of this, just really wanted to get some thoughts off of my chest).
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self.depression
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When people ask what the meaning of life is, do they not realize sometimes there isn’t one? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I Can't Stop. My friends and family have been super worried about me, and have been nagging me. Apparently I'm manic. I don't see it but whatever, I trust them. I told them to tell me specifically what's wrong that I shouldn't be doing, because I can't tell whats wrong or right.
I can't stop though. I'm trying my hardest, but I just can't stop. I went to the gym to try and expel some of my energy, and it didn't work. I tried my hardest not to but I drank, and Im about to head to a hookup for more unprotected sex. And guess who stole more shit from work?
I can't stop myself. What do I do?
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self.bipolar
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It’s all my fault I lost my wife and two wonderful kids because I’m a compulsive liar and adulterous piece of shit. I never felt like I was good enough for my wife and she left me today when she found out about my lies. This is the worse I’ve ever felt in my life. I put a gun in my mouth and tried to pull the trigger but my kids faces came into my mind so I stopped. I can’t picture my life without them.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feel so alone in the city and don’t know what to do [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I find the word "crippling depression" very true. But I think it's also a vicious cycle. Anyone have ever done this? #
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self.depression
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I don't wanna kill myself, I just wanna die. I'm not gonna cut my arms vertically, or hang myself, or step out into traffic - I just...I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of the only thing I can feel being this crushing sense of dread and emptiness. I'm tired as coming across as lazy or unhelpful just because I'm fatigued.
Hopefully, my new meds start working soon. It's just...I know it sounds kinda selfish for me to say this, but I just wish it were a little easier for me. It's difficult to try turning this around, but I'm just...
I'm so fucking tired, guys. I'm so tired.
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self.depression
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No point anymore I feel like just ending it. whats the point? oh live on and continue to feel lonelly and numb my whole life? fun. I lie about how i feel to my family, i completely distanced myself from my friends. one of my friends texted me, saying she was worried about me. one. no one else cares.
i feel dirty and worthless, only being able to act right because of a damn pill. i cant cant any motivation for doing literallt anything other than sitting on my ass and doing nothing.
i shouldve killed myself in 8th grade, all the people i knew then went out of their way to make sure i knew i was no better than dirt. and they succeeded, you could literally torture me for hours and i couldnt tell you one fucking good thing about me. there isnt anything even slightly redeeming about me. im a fat, ugly, anti-social freak, with a broken brain. i feel bad for my parents for having a useless, embarassing son.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I think i'm Finally starting to stabilize In the last week I've felt good. Not manic and not depressed (or even that bad). I got myself on a schedule where I go to sleep at 10 and wake up at 6. I take my medicine at 7am and at 9pm. I even eat at the same times now. I'm starting to lose weight again (I've been overweight for the entirety of my adult life). Hell I'm even getting the majority if my homework done on time for once instead of several weeks late.
&nbsp;
I'm enjoying life a lot more now. Hopefully this feeling will last for awhile.
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self.bipolar
|
Help dealing with anxiety about world events? Not to name anything specific but the worlds a crazy place and it makes me more anxious than anything else. Anyone have any tips on controlling this anxiety or coping somehow? But let’s not get political that’s for other places at other times. Thanks in advance
Edit: if my responses are a little strange or come off as a bit frantic I haven’t gotten much sleep lately so I’m a bit wonky
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self.Anxiety
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Why am I feeling so fucking guilty? I'm not wrong, I know I’m not. Doesn’t stop me feeling those eyes, all those damned judging eyes, staring at my fucking twelve pack. Anxiety, crippling for most people. For me, not crippling but still very present. Crossing a busy street is a nightmare. I just so happen to live on a very busy main road that has insane traffic. What does one do when they want a beer at 6 am? In my state, beer ‘clock is from 6 am to 12 am. Great! No problem, but damn that fucking main road. Well, I smoked my last cigarette and drank up all the wine. Off too the store I go. It’s still dark out, that’s nice, but damn all those cars. Damn all those normal people on their way to work. And then there is me, walking to the store for god damn beer and cigarettes. I know they don’t know, but man I feel they do. It doesn’t help that I keep replaying in my mind, the situation that’s about to go down.
711 is the closest to walking distance, that I can get both at the same time. It also happens to be a very busy stop for all those people on their way to work. I can picture it in my head and it also makes me think about all those people in line, holding steaming cups of coffee in their hands, while I’m holding a frickin’ 12 pack. In all honesty, they probably don’t even notice or even give two fucks. Doesn’t stop me from feeling all those judging eyes that aren’t even present at the moment.
Some may think that’s crazy. Beer, that early in the morning? Well, I happen to work overnight. When the rest of the world is getting up to do their daily daytime routine, I’m coming home from work. I come home, shower, eat, feed my cats. Those stated above in no particular order, but you get the gist. So yeah, I want a beer. I earned one. Still doesn’t stop all that anxiety when I’m off to go get some.
It’s dark still, I’m better for it. A little drizzly, fine by me. Made it past the road and all those watching eyes. (Phew, same as usual) The walk up the hill is nice and quite. (Shit!) I new 711 got crowded but man, it’s been a while. So of course, the beer section doors are still locked, no problem. (I’m fucking cringing inside.) Not only do I have to wait in line to ask that the doors be unlocked, but it’s also being announced to everyone in line. (Ugh, please don’t hear me.) So now I’ve got to come back into line holding the damn beer. Why am I feeling so fucking guilty? I’m not wrong, I know I’m not. Doesn’t stop me feeling those eyes, all those damned judging eyes, staring at my fucking twelve pack. Why do I put myself through this? (I JUST WANT BEER AND CIGARETTES.) I hate myself.
Thankfully I thought to bring a bag for the walk home. Not only does it help with carrying it all the way home, it also prevents all those other eyes seeing my precious package as I cross the street. Even then I can feel that they can see the outline, and know right away what I’m packing. (STOP LOOKING AT ME! STOP JUDGING ME!)
In the end, I’m home as usual and I got my beer and cigarettes, but sometimes I really think it isn’t even worth it, but fuck you anxiety.
Has anyone else had a similar experience or I'm a just a doodoo bag?
Heh.
Never posted before and really felt like sharing my experience this morning. Took me a while to even post it... (Phew.)
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self.Anxiety
|
I cannot do college I feel really depressed. I have been feeling this way since my second year of college (last yr) where I just attended class on low amounts of sleep, and came back home to just stay cooped up in my room alone for hours and hours on end just using my computer or watching anime. I had no friends in college. I always walked alone and ate alone.
I came back for the summer and decided to take a gap semester which my parents were very against. I kept begging and they let me, but I had to do something in place of going to college. I decided to work, but I quit after about 4 months because it was a very very tiring job. For the next 2 months, I did nothing but stayed home and here I am now writing this post (was 10 times better than doing school though). The spring semester is starting soon and I have to go back to college 2 hours away in a few days. I really just don't want to go. Even though all my classes and my apartment are set in stone, I just feel depressed about going back. I know I'm just going to go back, eating alone, walking alone, staying cooped up watching shows alone and wasting my parents money. Just thinking about going back to that environment makes me super sad. I tried to ask my parents if I could just take another gap semester off but they got really REALLY angry saying if I don't go to school I have nothing going for my life and that I will be living in constant hell if I don't graduate or don't get a degree. They said if I have a special skill that I can use without a degree to make me money, then I can drop college and I should go for it. However, I just always end up agreeing with them that I'd just go back to college because I realize I have no special abilities that would help me succeed without a degree.
I'm just stuck in this loop, always stressing about my shitty life back at school, always moping around because of it. I don't even have my major chosen. I'm just going. Just to go. I hate college. I cannot do it anymore. I really don't want to do life anymore because I don't know what the fuck is going on with my life anymore. I always though to myself "I wish I'd just die" and always tell myself that I'll just kill myself one day. I don't want my family to be sad though, so I'm not going to do that. The thoughts are still around though.
What if I just dropped college all together and moved out with a couple hometown friends and worked and payed off bills and lived like that for the rest of my life? It sounds more appealing than college.
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self.depression
|
I have been denying every single help Yet I want to get helped (but it seems like my brain doesn’t agree), I can’t control myself anymore I don’t know why I can’t just say “help”, or maybe it’s because I don’t wanna look PATHETIC :(
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Fuck dental problems, just kill me instead Holy fuck this hurts so bad. Fuck wisdom teeth and not being able to eat or sleep or even properly close my fucking mouth. Fuck having to wait for the dentist office to email me back because I can't stop crying and can't talk on the phone and fuck the fact that they'll probably say I have to call to set up an appointment. Fuck generic brand orajel and fuck being sick while this is happening so I have to deal with a sore throat and other shit at the same time. And fuck the fact that even *if* extractions are covered I'll have to live with all of these missing teeth because I can't afford implants. Literally the only good thing about this is that they're all in the back so I don't look like a fucking hillbilly from the front.
It's so pathetic that I want to end it over a fucking tooth.
Edit: had someone call for me to make an appointment with the dentist. Not sure how I'm going to survive another week of this, but there's nothing else I can do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My grandma is dying and life doesn't stop So I work full-time and go to grad school part-time. I'm busy 7 days a week between work, class, and homework/housework. Normally this is a very good thing for me as it keeps the depression and other mental illness at bay.
But my grandma's dying. She was put into hospice over the weekend and can't do much of anything anymore. I love her so much as my grandparents/mom's side of the family have been the only stable family I've ever had. My grandmother is an amazing woman. She graduated as valedictorian of her college class. She raised 7 amazing children (all college grads and successful in their fields) and has 14 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren. She's 90 and has lived an amazing life.
It's still so hard to say goodbye. I've been doing my best to spend time with her and my visiting family but the grief and depression are kicking my ass. I can't do anything. I have a huge paper due this week and work has been insanely stressful. I can't even manage to get my laundry done and I'm buying and eating shit food that is bankrupting me.
I don't know what to do. Life won't stop, and I'm so stressed that my whole body is breaking out in rashes and I'm sore all the time. I don't have any time off work since I haven't been there long and we're already short staffed. The end of the semester is coming up and I can't even think much less write a policy analysis.
Any advice is welcomed.
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self.depression
|
I’m really hoping I did in 2018 tbh. I’m only a 15 year old girl. Some might say that’s young, but I don’t really care. My life is pointless. Everyone yells at me no matter what I do. Everyone leaves me for no reason. Ugly with low self esteem. Never had a boyfriend. Nothing redeeming about me. I highly doubt I’ll do anything successful in life, so why continue? My parents always tell me being an adult sucks. I hate my life already, so why in the world should I continue into adult hood? I’m on antidepressants and they make me (I guess too happy?) and I laugh too much while I’m on them and it supposedly pisses of my parents so I’m confused. I can’t be happy nor sad. When I’m trying to make friends, I’m either too annoying and clingy or jealous, or boring and uninteresting. I haven’t done anything the cool kids have done such as drugs and drinking. I’ve never been to a party (unless a birthday party when you were like 10 counts) and I’m not talented or smart in anyway. School stresses me the hell out. I’m just done. My mom claims she loves me more than anything but I don’t believe that. My dad probably doesn’t care about me nor do my non existent friends. What’s the best way to kill yourself? That would be the best wish of 2018.!
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hey this may not mean much to anybody but merry Christmas everybody! (Or whatever you celebrate) I know a lot of people are alone and don’t have people to tell them merry Christmas. I know a lot of people want somebody to care and I’m here to say for everybody else struggling, merry Christmas! Hope you all can get Better and hope the holidays can cheer you up no matter what you celebrate
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self.depression
|
First Important task after getting off sertraline/Zoloft. Exteremely scared. Advice needed. I took up an opportunity to volunteer in a slightly formal and important charity ball/party because I need experience to fill up my pathetically empty CV. I am not a sociable person but I believe I have improved a lot after being on prescription for 4 months. I stopped taking sertraline a month ago and this upcoming task is my first big responsibility. I'm worried that my forgetfulness and anxiety will pop up again which can be disastrous and fuck up the party. I don't know if I should get red bull beforehand as it makes me alert, yet it also gives me shaky hands.
The event is in two days and my arms are already tingling.
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self.Anxiety
|
Strong Dissociation. My cognitive dissonance is difficult to ignore, but also difficult to notice. I've put myself into a dissociated state so that I can fulfill what I believe to be my life's purpose: causing as little trouble for other people as possible. I'm aware of the fact that this is likely untrue, but through much internal arguing, I've determined that I should live in this unrealistic reality. The trouble is that the ultimate way to cause no problems for others is to cease my existence. Since I am still arguing with myself over my amount of self-worth and whether or not to depress my will to live, I am willing to ask for help in order to make absolutely certain that suicide is the right choice. Thank you for reading this post, I appreciate any responses.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
can't seem to cry As the title reads, i'm depressed and i can feel extra fucking shitty sometimes but i can never seem to cry. And i really want to for some reason.. I would cry couple of times a month like a year ago but suddenly it just stopped and i haven't cried in like a year. sometimes i can even get really angry on myself for just not crying. it's weird and it's hard to explain how i feel but any advice would be a appreciated, thanks.
|
self.depression
|
I don't know what my options are. I don't think I want to die, but this life is not worth it. This is just not working. I'm 26, have been depressed for years now, and always tried to work and think my way through it. Suicide has come up in my mind before, but I've always been convinced that there was some option that I haven't tried.
I'm not so convinced anymore. I have no family to go to where I can be myself, I have a personality that hurts other people, and I haven't been able to change my personality for all the years that I've tried. It seems to be in the best interest of everyone that I just disappear. Even the friends that still do care about me - if I keep going on, they'll just get estranged by my lack of communication and maybe wonder what has happened to me as a side thought, years from now.
My main emotion during adolescence was hatred of myself for what i am (parents told me being gay was horrible and gays should die, said they'd rather have one of their kids die than have them leave their religion. a few years later, i came out as gay and told them i don't believe in god) - after that, hatred towards my parents for making me feel that way. I'm tired now. It's exhausting.
What if it gets to this point? Is there any other direction to go?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
We are really just celebrating the way that we keep track of time And yet New Year's has made me feel very sad
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self.depression
|
Allergy meds and lithuim Hey, a really practical question here that the internet cannot seem to answer for me:
For the first time ever I have allergies: a really dry and itchy nose. Does anyone else take allergy meds, or can you recommend something that will not interact with lithium (importantly, does not have acetaminophen?)
I know this is really benign, but I honestly can't find a good answer...
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self.bipolar
|
New Year is just a tradition. Humans are romantic creatures so we love to make trivial things sentimental. Technically speaking, yesterday and today are the same. So what if you spent NYE alone? Doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything. So what if you spent the first day of the year crying because you feel useless, you feel lonely and hopeless? So what if your boyfriend refused to spend the first seconds of this year with you? I repeat, it doesn't matter. No one cares. Start your year right bullshit? New Year's resolutions my ass? Hell, you could've done it yesterday, the other day, why wait for today?
No one gives a sht
No one cares even the people around you. Especially them. They don't love you. They think they love you when the truth is they just need you.
Fck humans. Fck it. I'm going to live in the mountains and die there alone.
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self.offmychest
|
Thinking about giving up alcohol because of the anxiety it causes the day after. Any tips from people here in how to deal social situations where everyone is drinking? As the title says really. No matter how little I drink, the come down is always filled with anxiety. Sometimes its tolerable, other times its crippling. A lot of my social events with friends are centred around drinking, and I don't want to make a big deal out of things by not drinking. I'm pretty sure I can remain just as 'fun' in my sober form, but explaining it to people, at least initially, sounds draining and almost not worth it.
How have others here dealt with it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is that depression / internet addiction / sociopathy ? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Family Issues How do you deal with constant negative thoughts that come from talking with your broken family. Money issues, past issues, divorce, guilt. My mom has suffered a lot and im trying my best to be understanding but I’m depressed for other issues in my life and cannot talk to her about it. She keeps asking me for things that just make me feel worse but I cant feel this sense of guilt because I know she sarcrificed a lot for me but shes too stubborn to realize what she’s done wrong for me in my life.
I cant focus on studies and my social life suffers because of all of this. What should I even do...
|
self.depression
|
BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR, BIPOLAR! I'M BIPOLAR! True, I am.
But this is a question for you all. I was in a group setting a few nights ago and one woman in the group kept stating over and over that she was ADHD. In about 15 minutes I would guess she said it 10 times.
When you're in a group of people you don't know do you feel the urge or need to tell strangers that you're Bipolar? Or maybe this a ADHD tendency? Even people that know me quite well aren't necessarily in the know.
How about you? Do you go around telling everyone?
|
self.bipolar
|
Never underestimate the evil powers of caffeine and Aspartame! If you suffer from anxiety and are still addicted (like me!) to caffeinated soda, let's try to rid ourselves of it this year!
I've realized in the past few weeks that caffeine and aspartame is a huge anxiety trigger for me. One Diet Coke in the morning is fine and wakes me up, but if I drink anymore, I get jittery, lightheaded and panicky.
Just today at work I was feeling fine but was growing tired at 2pm, so I went to the deli and got a Diet Coke. After a few sips I was feeling incredibly lightheaded, dizzy and anxious. I've now downed a bottle of water to try and dilute the caffeine/aspartame.
Does anyone else get these symptoms with caffeine/aspartame? Any other food/drinks that trigger anxiety?
I'm planning to stay away from Diet Coke from now on. Anyone with me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
"How was your winter break?" I got rejected from a school I really wanted to go to.
I had a panic attack/breakdown on Christmas Eve.
My grandma, who I loved very much, passed away on New Years Eve.
Family drama ensued, and now I'll probably never see my grandpa again.
I applied to another school last week, but got rejected before I could even take the entrance exam.
I'm currently applying to another school, and I literally had to beg them to let me in. They said they would think about it and give me their answer on Monday.
I honestly just want to die. I'm sorry if this was a stupid post, but I just wanted to vent a little and I have no one to talk to irl.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm 14 and I don't want to live anymore. For the last year and a half of my life, I've been depressed. The last month or so, I've been suicidal. I feel lonely and disconnected from the world, even though I have friends. I just can't take it anymore. I feel like such an ass, not being appreciative of life. I know I have a future ahead of me, but it's shrouded and fog.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I am depending on these antidepressants so much today. After months of a financial crisis, I am now able to afford a doctor's visit to get back on my meds. That's right. I bit the bullet. Hopefully they work like they did when I first started taking them last year, or I get something better. Seriously, majority of this year has been hell on my mental health, and I have tried it all: picking up new hobbies, exercise, meditation, prayer, vitamins, self help books..NOTHING has worked.
I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do this. It's not like I'm anti-meds but at one point I had gotten used to them, and they wore off. I was on four meds a day and I had gotten so sick that there were days I couldn't go to work.. Thus began the financial crisis.
My hopes go beyond reliability in this situation. Today I have an appointment. Today I will get my meds. And we will see...because I honestly don't know how to go on most days, and since the end of the year is approaching, I'm starting to feel worse.
|
self.offmychest
|
How can people like being the centre of attention? I hate it, I feel so much pressure to live up to everyone's standards. This isn't why I hate my birthday. I don't get get how people can like being the life of the party, so to speak. I just start sweating like crazy and stuttering with my words, I just want to keep myself to myself, but I also have crippling lonlieness. Weird huh.
Hope you guys are doing well anyway.
Edit - Typos and stuff.
|
self.depression
|
I don’t see the point in this shit anymore. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So I wrote this huge wall of text To explain my own bout with depression. Then I accidentally refreshed this page and the whole thing was gone. Took me 2 fucking hours to write.
I felt numb and apathetic, now on top of that I'm fucking furious and I kinda feel like crying. It's like the Internet just took a huge metaphorical dump on the mental marsh that is my life. Dull, flat, boring, rotten and stagnating. Even when I manage to muster the energy and courage to talk about my problems & cry out for help something just has to keep me down and miserable.
Fuck this. Have a good one (insofar as possible I guess) y'all and sorry for the rant.
|
self.depression
|
Proud of myself for finally trying to be proactive in school and life in general [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I see no purpose to continuing this enterprise. I'm 31. Male. American. I have been suicidal (consistently) for about 3 years now and pretty much done. I know how, where, when. I'm rather calm and collected about it. A job prospect gave me hope to withstand the thoughts ... then that fell through. I had a major depression episode when I was 24 and I felt this was going to happen again.
I have no degree, but have $60,000.00 in student loan debt. I have all my courses completed but could not add another $8,000 for my last semester to take an internship after I already did an internship but was not informed, or did not I seek the proper information, that I had to apply for the internship. I have just quit a job when I was working for 3 years when they brought someone in for the position that I was told I'd be able to fill.
My girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up, but about a year ago (I left her) after I was receiving correspondence between her and her ex-boyfriend on my phone from her being mentally absent and leaving her account signed in on my phone.
I have a support network, its not the best people though. My brother is a recovering addict (heroin), along with my step father (cocaine). My mother is an alcoholic. My biological father was put in jail, and left me and my brother when I 5. My brother had a baby, and he has just gotten married.
I'm just real tired. This "being" thing is not really working for me. Working a job where I'm not valued, and now I have no purpose. I'm extremely depressed, and like I referenced, the reason I've held on so long was a light at the end of this tunnel just closed.
Edit: now I see why I thought this was pointless ...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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