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I’m so fucking tired i’m tired of going into work and having to act like i didn’t just lay in bed eating ice cream all day and like i’m not wearing clothes i haven’t washed in 3 weeks. and i’m tired of my own fucking brain being out to get me. “everyone at work thinks you’re gross and doesn’t like you. all of your friends think you’re annoying and don’t like you. your boyfriend is only using you.” Sometimes it feels like I can’t even tell my depressive thoughts from my own, like i can never really tell if a feeling is mine or if it’s my illness.
I just want stability, to actually feel at home in myself, and not feel like I’m constantly under attack. I sleep during my free time because it shuts my brain up. But then I feel pathetic sleeping all day, and it becomes a fucking cycle.
I just hope I can deal with this bullshit. I’m in therapy, i’m considering medication. I just want to be a normal fucking person again. At least I’m lucky enough that I can work towards that.
If you have any sort of success story, I would be grateful to hear it.
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self.depression
|
Im a complete mess I need to get my shit together I've cut myself for almost a year now havent been diagnosed with anything everyone in my school thinks im a fuck boy Because of rumours i fingered someone and took a photo of another girls ass all I've had is a few close friends but 2 of them keep calling me a fuck boy even if it is as a joke i told them to stop because it genuinely hurt me and they haven't stopped and another one got mad at me because they heard the rumours and thought i actually did it so they didnt even hear me out or listen to me and ive only got like 1 left and im scared of being alone i depend on social interaction a lot to keep me alive and im slowly losing my friends because of these fucking rumours made up by a bunch of dicks all because i dumped my girlfriend because she kept flirting with my friends so she took revenge and started spreading shit and noe im in a dark place where i have no hobbies and im just blundering through school hoping one day it gets better and i realise i have a passion for something but a few weeks ago i was on the edge of a building and i was so close to ending it all there but i didn't and im not sure if i regret that decision or not so to conclude i have no aspirations for my future my friends are slowly leaving me one by one and multiple rumours have been spread because i broke up with someone that i went out with
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like I have nothing in common with people. Every friendship I have is forced. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
My new meds aren't working, and I'm not being paid by social services anymore. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Alcohol, social anxiety, bad dreams and getting better Ok, background: I moved to a new country, and still haven't connected to anyone in the group of people I see the most socially, who I have met through family. I haven't opened up to them and feel unable to, due to/resulting in being very quiet and tense at parties or whatever (real fun right), and that's a cycle I feel kind of stuck in now. Putting pressure on myself and being constantly worried/self-critical is not conducive to good friend-making. So, when one of them offered a place for me to live with them I did a bad thing and froze, and didn't take them up on the offer. (Online messaging triggers my anxiety and I avoid it). Anyway, I now am stuck in thoughts of feeling pretty low and a general feeling of apathy towards me, and I don't know how to break it/open up about why I was a douche, that I know I was and am not trying to excuse it but this is what I was feeling. But also that's kind of heavy on people I don't know that well, still. Anyway, woke up to real bad anxious dreams and panic attacks this morning and would love some perspective on how to just make this better, not keep avoiding the issue. Thanks <3
|
self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone else ever experienced "loud thoughts"? Sometimes, especially when I'm trying to sleep, my thoughts get so overwhelming I feel like they get louder and louder. It doesn't happen too often when I stay busy throughout the day, but when I'm trying to unwind and empty my mind, it's like an increasingly aggravating voice echoing constantly. I don't hear an actual voice with literal statements, it's more like a sensation. Gosh, it sounds crazy when I put in into words. Has anyone else experienced this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Advice for therapy? I suffer from bad hypnophobia and don't know how to go about finding the right therapist, what to expect from sessions, etc. Hoping to learn to deal with it better through therapy. Any advice on how to go about the therapy process is much appreciated.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Has anyone ever had a panic attack so bad that the next day they thought they were dead? (Terrified) [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
i want to die, there is a place where i want to do it, but what happens if i fail? im not afraid of dying, i hate my life, i hate what i am.
but what happens if i fail?, i asked my mother what would happen to me if i attempted suicide, she said, she would disown me, as i will affect her and her families reputation.
what will be the affects to my body, will i end up disabled, and mentally handicapped.
im just so worried, sometimes its comforting that i may die soon, other times im scared of what i will destroy when i die.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
interesting title there’s one thing that keeps happening to me which i never understood what is.
have anyone ever felt like their body is skeletal, like when you lay down and feel your arms etc. it feels like they are made out of bones only?
im a skinny boi but this is nothing like being skinny.. my teeth become weird etc.
this happens most when i lay down. anyone?
|
self.bipolar
|
I can no longer take care of my son I gave up everything for a man. My career, my home, my car, every penny to my name. I’ve also managed to give up my dignity, my self worth, and mental health.
I allowed him to trap me here.
So I have to leave or I will die.
I have nothing, therefore my sweet boy cannot be provided for. I do not weep for a relationship lost, I weep that I can’t give my boy what he deserves. Or what is even required by law for fucks sake.
I love him so much. And I know he loves his mommy too. I have to explain to my son that his mother is a fuck up and that he has to live with his dad.
My god it hurts so much.
|
self.offmychest
|
Anyone else come to the realization that no one can help you? I feel like, even in my experience with 7 therapists over 10 years, that there isn't anyone who truly understands. Therapists are good with low hanging fruit, people who have been through trauma or are moderately depressed, but I feel like the truly chronically and clinically depressed have no one to lean on. The worst part is realizing that not only can no one help you, but most people, including therapists, don't really care what you're going through anyway.
|
self.depression
|
College is supposed to be a good thing, right? I went to UCLA. No place will destroy your self esteem faster and more egregiously than there.
Every domain I encountered, I was told I wasn't good enough. Academics? Cutthroat competition; end result: straight C+'s. Work? Tried to get promoted, rejected not once, but twice; got used in the end. Social life? I had friends, but I realized they weren't my friends when shit hit the fan and no one had my back.
Come graduation day, I thrust myself across that stage and found only worry.
30K debt and a useless degree aside, my self worth is gone. I actually believe I'm dumb and won't do anything great with my life like some of my peers. Now I just drift along, a la Otis Redding's "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay." I have no friends. I wish I was dead already.
I tell myself I should have gone somewhere else, but there is no turning back time. I regret it. I had none of these problems in high school. Strange as it is to say, that jungle of a university did a number on my mental health. A real Bruin community (sarcasm).
It's nice to get this off my chest finally.
|
self.offmychest
|
Never have I ever been yelled at as I’m leaving on my last day of work until... I really want to post about this, but figured it’d be unprofessional to post about it on my Facebook in case it somehow got around, so here I am.
I started working at a non profit last August in a building that held many of the community block programs. I worked as a program assistant with a team of 2 other staff members as well as 3 van drivers. We shared an office with another program and their staff, which included 4 people.
My desk is essentially right next to the desk of the director of the other program, with a large tall divider between us. I found files on my computer when I started of her and her staff members and how they’d bullied the old director of my program. She had asthma or allergies and their perfumes and sprays would bother her, and instead of being respectful and considerate of her, they would antagonize her and leave face masks on her desk. She quit without notice one day when the other director came over to her desk screaming at her. I took a mental note of that and decided to try my best to not get on her bad side.
She has a radio and over the summer, she started to play country music. The problem is I can’t stand country music it gives me headaches. She never asked if everyone would be okay with country music playing, she just started doing it. I tried to just deal with it for a few days hoping she’d stop eventually but that never happened. In fact, she kept turning it up a bit louder and louder as the days went by.
I wrote to my boss and told her I didn’t enjoy the music and it was giving me headaches and asked if we could have her change it or turn it down or if I just had to deal with it. She said she could try to have her turn it down, but that was about it. I was a bit annoyed but just brought headphones and played music on my computer to block out the noise.
It seemed like about a week later, the director had been told by the executive director that her music was too loud and she needed to turn it down. Well, she assumed that I had tattled on her even though I hadn’t, and started to be rude to me. It wasn’t a huge deal to me, I was glad the music was turned down. But I was a little nervous about what could happen next.
I began to be excluded from invites to lunch, my birthday went unrecognized and there were a lot of passive aggressive comments made on the other side of the divider directed at me. I ignored these, but they did chip away at me a bit day by day.
I should also mention that my boss had been absent for close to 6 months on medical leave. While she was gone, I had to pick up a lot of her duties to keep things running. It was stressful for me because number one I was doing two jobs and number two I hadn’t been there very long either to know a lot of things. Plus I felt underpaid for the work I was doing, I couldn’t even afford their health insurance. It seemed like a lot of crap to deal with just so I could buy paper towels and the cost of breathing.
I had been looking for other jobs for months, but hadn’t found anything. About two weeks ago I was finally offered another job. A bit of a wage increase, but what I looked forward to most was affordable health insurance and getting away from this dead end job with a toxic environment.
I turned in my notice last Tuesday via email and since my boss was out sick again, I cc’d the email to her boss and hr as well. I didn’t say anything about it to anyone else because I didn’t think it was really their concern. The executive director came in and spoke with me briefly about it the next day in front of my coworker, so I did confirm it with her but didn’t mention where I was going.
So this Tuesday was the first day my boss had been back since about two weeks. I had checked in with her about what I’d been working on and had already turned in some things I’d needed to turn in. I was back at my desk working when the other director came to my bosses desk. They were talking about posting my position up for applications, etc when I hear the other director say that she and one of the van drivers were thrilled when they’d heard about me submitting my notice.
This hurt my feelings. I never imagined this van driver had an issue with me, but how rude to say that at all. I worked on my work but I was just stewing about it. I was debating on just leaving at lunch and being done, but was worried about leaving on bad terms. So I went up to my boss and said I’d overheard that comment and it hurt my feelings, my new job was just waiting for me to be done here, so if there wasn’t anything else for me to do I wouldn’t mind if she just released me early if I was just a bother to others. I think I caught her a bit off guard, but she said it would be fine if I’d already completed a few projects. I said I had, so she said it would be okay.
I went back to my desk and wrapped up things and started packing up my things. I was on my way to clock out when I thought I may as well tell the executive director as well and fill her in on things as far as why I’d appreciate the early release.
I hadn’t spoken to her about the radio issue before because it seemed so petty and ridiculous that I hadn’t wanted to waste her time with it. But I told her everything. She seemed upset about what had been going on and was apologetic to me and wished me the best with my new job. Afterwards I went back to get my things and she must have sent out either a mass email or just an email specifically to the other director because while I’m at my desk, she yells over to my coworker and asks if she minds if she plays Christmas music. Then she yells it over to me. I’m on my way out of the door so I just ignore her but she continues yelling it. I told my coworker goodbye and said I wished her the best and then told my boss goodbye. The other director is continuing to yell out at me as I’m walking out the door until someone tells her I left after I’m outside the door.
It was so ridiculous to me, I was a little rattled just with adrenaline but a few hours later I definitely found the humor there. Only the day before I’d heard her say “I wish mr trump would just stop twittering!” And the week prior she asked how to send a Facebook message.
I am really looking forward to my new job and I’m happy I’ve gotten away from that place.
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self.offmychest
|
Struggling to Return to work after lengthy sick leave [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I keep going on a cycle of new treatments that work then don't, does this ever end? I keep finding success in certain drugs or therapies for depression for a little while then a 6 months to a year I'm back thinking suicidal thoughts again. I know it's related to being unemployed, after I was let go from my last job I just keep getting worse and worse. But I feel like normal people should be able to deal with things and after all I've done shit gets me back into depression so much more easily.
I know I have to see a new psych, I have an referral but I dont' see the point of doing this again and again, in the long term is there any way to recover or will I be stuck in this cycle forever? It's been going on from 17-25 now.
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self.depression
|
Depression I m fucking a girl since last couple of years and she is the first one .. which means i have been virgin for 25 years till i met her!!! But i got to know i her 24th guy... she told me earlier as well!!! She is the kind of girl i hv always asked for and honestly thought this will go one day but things have turned up dramatically opposite ... i have always been an alpha wherever i have been but before i met her i was in depression n still i m .. though she has some issues as well like she has this super anxiety anyways she hrlped helped me a lot a looooTTT but i am not happy ... the thoughts which comes in my head are so negative .. i cant forget her past and adding on as i said she has this anxiety problem she sometimes snaps at me as she has been an alpha as well whole of her life.. she is an intellectual girl .. working as a communication officer in an ngo... so she snaps at me somtimes and controll me all the time... to be honest i have no problem to surrender against this woman.. but her past it makes me devil... my head says you cant take orders from a girl who has slept with so many guys i know she is not a bad person or its her fault as she told me everything earlier... i think its kind of a missmatch at the end... she just dont want to leave me at ol as i tried to make her understand.... i even asked her fir a threesome n she wasn't so she told me i can have sex with anyone.... but icant do this ... i mean obviously she said that after loosing all hope.... i dont know where its going!!! I have become weak!!
Not able to take decisions anymore... she has been manupulative as well and she can prove that its all for my good so she is that intelligent! !! I like that thng of her cause it just shows how desperately she wants me but then its her past which makes me think that it coulb be just coz i m the last one which is depressing again in short i m not happy.... now my girl searching for another for threesome...!!!
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self.depression
|
I don't have a reason I just want to give up. I have fought hard for the past 5 years with depression. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to get out of bed in the mornings. I have tried a plethora of medications, and still am searching, but nothing helps. When I ask for help from family and friends, the most common response is "others have it worse". I go to college 8-4 everyday, and unfortunately have made hardly any friends and end up alone all day 98% of the time. I live with my ex-boyfriend, and seeing him move on and talk to new people has been difficult. My only salvation is my new cat, who I cannot bear thinking of him going back to the shelter if I were to kill myself. I just feel like today is the day to really end it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[NAW] an open letter to you, because it's still on my mind. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
i don't know what to put here I'm not quite sure where to begin. I'm nearly 19 but I've been experiencing depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts since I was 10 and 11 respectively. It's just.. so hard to go on like this. I don't want to die but I don't want to be alive even more.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It's nice to be recognized sometimes. There's a little mom and pop joint I hit up sometimes for a delicious gyro and their amazing fries. I've been here so often with a particular order the folks here see me coming and start it up. Lol, they ask about my kids, work, life. Such nice people are a breath of fresh air after working in a call center and all that jazz.
Hope everyone is having a great day!
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self.bipolar
|
I’m gonna do it I’m going to do it tomorrow. I’ve finally had enough. I just don’t care anymore. I’m even posting on my main even though a friend of mine knows my account name. I’m just done dealing with any of this. I’m 19 and i’ve been dealing with depression for 6 years almost. Ive been through two severe heartbreaks and I’ve lost too many of my close friends to count. I have a terrible relationship with all of my family and I’m treated like i’m a crippled young kid even though i’m 19. I’m treated like a child even though I do the most for the household and they wouldn’t have survived without me. I’ve had to sacrifice everything of mine for the happiness of my family members. I do this without thinking but none of them will ever reciprocate. I suffered through a back injury for 2 years which completely destroyed my happiness and even after getting surgery, nothing can help me. I’ve made up my mind and I’m coming home from school and crashing my car into a specific median at 90 MPH. I just don’t want to deal with any of this anymore. This is only the tip of the iceberg of the shithole that is my life. I have no close friends who I can trust with anything or this. I’ve tried and none of them are any help even though they try. Bless their hearts, but it usually just makes me feel worse because my friends feel bad. I don’t reveal any of these thoughts to anyone. Today was the first time I have and I regret it already. I just can not handle anything more. I’m a worthless fat piece of shit dumbass who can’t do anything with his life. I sabotage everything good that comes into my life and I can’t stay stable in any way. Goodbye r/suicidewatch, I’ll see you all on the other side
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like a failure because I've had to move home to deal with my mental illness I've been just fine living abroad for over a year, but I came home for the holidays with the intent to move on to another country afterwards. But in the last week or so before I came home, my mental health dropped off a cliff. And it has continued to fall. And now I'm having to change my entire life plan because I need to take care of this so badly that I need to stick around my hometown while I seek therapy. This is such a sudden change from everything that I'd had planned for MONTHS, and now I feel like a failure because I have to move back and stick around to deal with my stupid mental illness. Like, as it is, I'm depressed as hell, and feeling this sense of failure on top of that is only making it worse. I have an intake appointment with a local counseling center next week, so I am actively working on getting help, but everything still sucks.
Now I have to find a car, a job, and an apartment (I can't handle living with my parents for longer than a couple of weeks), which are factors that I hadn't planned for at all. I have a love/hate relationship with my hometown - I've fantasized about getting the fuck out of here ever since I was, like, 14 years old, and it breaks my heart that when I finally made a huge move that I'd been wanting to make for years (living abroad), I now have to cut that plan short to deal with this mental illness shit. Which is why it feels like failure: I tried something that I'd been wanting for SO long, and just when I thought that I'd made it, I ended up stuck back here to deal with factors beyond my control.
So the point of this is part vent, but part "has anyone ever felt like this?" and if the answer to that is yes, "any tips on what to do about it?"
Edit: Thank you all so much for your responses! It's reassuring to know that it's not a bad thing that I'm living with my parents again. Even though it's not ideal, I am very grateful that I have this support network (and it's the reason why I'm sticking around my hometown instead of heading out again).
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self.bipolar
|
Insights from over two years of custom mood tracking (SO MUCH DATA) **Some background statistics are needed to understand these interpretations, and I'll do the most basic explanation I can to make it most accessible (while risking misrepresenting it; if you want to get pedantic and explain it better in the comments, go ahead). The explanations are in the footnotes below.**
* my mood over the past two years has improved slightly but overall stayed about the same. an average mood of 64.76 for 2016 and 64.91 for 2017, that's something.
* 576 days out of 741 (~77%) of days felt more good than bad.
* I spent 92 days in the last two years with a mood lower than 40% (~12% of the 741 days)
* I spent 15 days severely depressed (~2%)
* I spent 8 days with strong suicidal feelings and 3 days actively pursuing suicide
* I spent 159 days with a mood above 80%. 57 were in 2017, 99 were in 2016, and the remainder were in either 2015 or 2018, for which few days have been recorded.
* I spent 24 days euphoric (mood 90+%)
* I spent 8 days on top of the world euphoric (mood>92%)
* my mood had a standard deviation of 18.86 percentage points for 2016 and 15.60 percentage points for 2017, I've gotten more stable. A full time job does that I guess. So does no longer having the tribulations of terminal cancer in your life.
* my happiest days of the last two years were all in 2016 (lower standard deviation suggested as much) (an emphatic thank you to the redditor behind 8/14/16 being one of them)
* my custom manic rating scale suggests I spent 34 days in 2017 some kind of manic (~9.3%) and 51 days in 2016 some kind of manic (~14%)
* Getting off lowers my stress levels and increases my mood: each orgasm reduces my perceived stress by 3 percentage points. with a p value of under .001. With mean stress levels of 35.7%, that's about an 8.4% difference per orgasm. Each orgasm also raises my mood by about 3 percentage points, for a typical increase of ~4.7% per orgasm.
* each 1 (out of 10) point increase in my stress levels increases my anxiety on average by 4 percentage points. With mean anxiety levels of 28% that's a 14% difference per point.
* the effects of alcohol on my mood are unclear. My mood tracker strongly suggests (P<.001) I drink more when I feel good, but the direction of causality here is likely such that I drink because I feel good rather than because it makes me feel good. The data isn't of a nature that can tell me how it affects me during the duration of alcohol. It's clear there isn't sufficient evidence to strongly support the hypothesis that alcohol makes me in particular depressed.
* sleep plays a highly significant role in minimizing stress and anxiety, with p values of .01 and .03 respectively and meaningful correlation coefficients.
* weed improves my mood by .624 percentage points per level of r/trees high-ness scale. with a p value of .019 and a mean mood of 64.84, that's about a 1% improvement per point of highness. At a total high, that's a 10% increase in mood (and a very high likelihood of experiencing some psychosis). At a moderate high, that might be a 5% increase in mood. In other words weed definitely improves my mood overall, but at a level that other factors are still very important. ***It's worth noting that the percentage increase in mood is different based on the baseline mood, if I'm at a suicidal depression (typical such mood around 15% (1 is most suicidal ever on my scale)), a 10 point increase in mood is actually an increase in mood of ~67%)***. I actually used weed the last time I was suicidal to get out of those feelings and it helped me. Weed is risky and makes some of us psychotic and can make us depressed. Use it with caution if at all.
* weed increases my sleep. with an average night's sleep lasting 7.96 hours and an increase of .045 hours per point of the r/trees high-ness scale, for a very strong high increasing my hours slept by a half hour (this is probably weaker than it should be because of an alarm)
* weed impairs my cognition. p value <.002
* weed causes me psychosis with a p value of less than .001. Typically the psychosis hasn't been severe, so it's something I've continued. It's not helping me, but that's why they call it a vice.
* I drank a bit more in 2017 than 2016 thanks to a bender around July where I learned to cope with boredom better (1.24 drinks per day vs 1.1 drinks per day), but I've had two drinks in 2018 for an average of .18 drinks per day. I intend to drink again, but I'm giving my liver a break for the time being.
----------
**Things this teaches**
* the effects of substance use are complicated and hard to measure. I deliberately minimized my analysis of alcohol because so few of my tests demonstrated statistical significance. From anecdotal observation I can tell you I've learned it increases the effects of stress on my body and can exacerbate either depression or mania, but that it helps me feel connected to friends. You may benefit in one way but be hurt in another. It's a lot to keep track of, and probably more than my mood tracker can keep track of (and it has 17 columns with 11 variables!)
* sleep and meds make a world of difference
* mood trackers are only as informative as your data, so if you want to see how substances affect you, you've gotta track it measurably.
* a support network and friends can make a world of difference (learned through observation and verified with it, but still)
* meds definitely help
----------------
**Pretty dumbed down statistics**
P value is most basically explained as the likelihood of occurring due to chance with 1 meaning 100% and 0 meaning couldn't randomly occur at all (I know this isn't quite right, but this is a simplification). R squared is how well an algorithm explains the data. a high r squared means a regression has high explanatory power. 1 is a perfect fit, 0 is no fit. Beta is the strength of a correlation. If my mood is measured on a 100 point scale and one unit of sleep changes my mood by +6 points, then sleep would have a beta of 6. Standard deviation is a descriptor for the amount of variation in a data set. If everything is close to average, it's got a low standard deviation. If everything is very disparate, it will have a high SD.
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Edit: thought I had percent and percentage point confused somewhere but was wrong so I fixed it twice, oops.
Edit 2: I wanted to share it but was feeling too worn out to set up a new one for you guys, but u/glitter-beast reminded me [I posted about it before and had a dropbox saved file for it](https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/comments/6mmchn/making_a_mood_tracker_how_i_did_it_why_you_might/). I updated the one I linked in the description there to make it more likely to output possible mania (as it seemed to fail at this), corrected an error that was getting in the way of accurate alcohol-related depression results, and changed the dates to be for 2018
Edit 3: the biggest thing I might change for yourself if I was you would be the role of your sex drive in your manic rating. Most people don't keep the same baseline libido as I do, and plenty of people don't have their libido as a very strong indicator of mania.
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self.bipolar
|
I can't be happy So, since early 2016, I started feeling depressed, wanted to kill myself, and feeling like I'm not good at anything and my life doesn't have a sense, and this last summer, things started to be better and feel better, but the last week I just broke up with my girlfriend and I started feeling bad and depressed again, what should I do to let go all of this depression and sadness? I have good friends , good family and a decent life , but why I can't be happy?
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self.depression
|
I don't think I can ever be alone. I'm not an unsociable person, I tend to perform best when I feel like I fit into a group, or I feel that I contribute something. I have a very small circle of friends, who I see very often. And I try to keep myself occupied by constantly socialising.
But then I have my off days, where I don't have much contact with anybody. I don't feel like talking and I just go about my day avoiding all interactions. And it's on these days that I feel most vulnerable, I feel as if I'm being thrown back in time to when I was at my worst.
Surely, the answer cannot be to be in a constant state of socialisation in order to avoid depression, or the anxiety that it will somehow trigger a certain sad feeling.
So is one thing causing the other? Do I feel depressed because I'm simply not being social. Or am I avoiding it because I feel depressed?
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self.depression
|
The holidays :/ well I had a good month and now this I had a good month last month I was strong and confident I'd be able to work though it. Now the holidays and I'm missing my mom. In the last month I have lost everything. Got sick with liver failure lost my job my girl left me I lost my apartment and my body is dying. I moved back home to my step dad's house and he has a new girlfriend in the same house my mom passed away. I want to not care about my ex and be happy. I was going so strong and feeling motivated and now I am the most miserable I have been. People just don't understand being 25 and losing everything with in a month and no parents or guidance. It seems my only escape is when I'm sick and spend a few days in the hospital at least I feel cared about there. If I wasn't such a caring person I would end it all. I seem to make people happy but cry when I'm alone and take off the front of being happy. My old joys don't even get me motivated, now I'm sober and life is gone. I am not happy, I miss being around old friends and going out. Being in my own apartment without getting told. I wish this sickness would end it because the way I feel is just making it 10000 times worse. I met a new girl and she's cool but I don't have spark anymore. I lost so much so quick now all alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My dog is the only thing that prevented my suicide last night. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
He groped me! I’ve been traveling all day so I’ve been really tired. I finally got some sleep on the plane. I was asleep for maybe an hour when I woke up and felt the guy next to me rubbing me inner thigh. He was like 50!
|
self.offmychest
|
How to get help for the first time with parents making it difficult? I am a high school senior and for the past few years I’ve been having emotional struggles. I would sometimes get extremely angry and try to punch things to hurt myself, but more often I would break down in tears and overreact to situations that shouldn’t cause me as much sadness and stress as they do. At my physical they did a mental health screening and my doctor gave my mom a number for a therapist for me to see. Unfortunately, my mom lost the number and is super hesitant about letting me go. My parents are very religious and think that they can help me and that reading the Bible will help it all go away somehow (even though I don’t believe). I had another talk with my mom and she said that her, my dad and I need to talk about what’s making me sad before we think about doing that therapy :/ how should I deal with this? I don’t feel comfortable talking to my parents face to face about how I feel, especially since in the past they’ve caused a lot of my struggles. I’ve tried to seek out help at school in the past, but at this point I feel like I should see a professional.
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self.depression
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i become anxious about the times i couldn't do the things i am supposed to do due to anxiety i had just a vicious cycle
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self.Anxiety
|
He Landed a huge opportunity but i can't say anything... My husband got an interview with Amazon for their international team, he's nearly got the job, just waiting on the phonecall confirming it all.
If we do get it it means a big up heaval in our lives and we have a roommate. It means moving in the new year, it means changing cities, it means finding new stomping grounds and places to shop for daily needs. It means our roommate will need to find another roommate.
But I can't say anything yet? Everything has to be in writing and signed, sealed, and delivered before he will say anything about it. I understand not saying anything to his employer, but our roommate?! That to me is not right. I don't know his financial situation well enough to say if he could afford this place without us. Hubby seems to think he'll be fine. Even if that's true, I still think we should say something!
Hubby won't even say a word to anyone else we know. Not friends or family. I'm excited about the job, and even if I'm a little biased, I believe he's got it in the bag. He's the type of guy that once an employer talks to him they're getting out their checkbook to see if they can afford to have him on their payroll.
I don't think it is right for us to stay silent. Especially to our roommate. Everyone else I can understand sort of, and respect his wishes, but not someone who is relying on us for financial stability.
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self.offmychest
|
Thinking about going to the doctor about my mental health for the first time and scared I won’t be taken seriously. First of all, sorry this is so long. I spent too long wondering if I should even post this so I’m just going to do it. I’m 23 and in university. I’ve never talked to anyone about my mental health before but I think I’m depressed. I’ve hit very low points before over the last 6-7 years. I thought things would get better as I got older, but they’ve ended up getting worse. Right now, this is the worst I’ve ever felt, and I’m wondering again if it’s time to get some help so that I don’t completely screw my future up.
Problem is, I do a pretty good job of pretending everything is fine, but behind the scenes, my life is a mess. I don’t even know if it’s a mental health issue; some days I think it’s just me being pathetic and not being able to take care of myself. For example, I make it to class most days so my attendance is decent. But nobody knows that I probably only had 3 hours sleep the night before, hit snooze 5 times, ran so late from not being able to get up that I had to skip breakfast, use dry shampoo instead of showering and park right by the building on campus and get yet another parking ticket because I didn’t have time to walk if I wanted to show up to class on time.
In the evening when I get home, I’m so tired from being out all day that when I sit down there’s a good chance I won’t get back up for the rest of the night. I’m hungry, but it takes me forever to get food. Best case scenario, I have some healthy leftovers in the fridge from a day where I felt decent enough to cook. Worst case scenario, I’ll nap on and off and at midnight I’ll drive to McDonald’s because it’s too late for anything else.
I’m on my last semester of my degree and I got pretty good grades throughout. I didn’t like it very much to be honest but back then I picked my major based on something that would be easy as hell to get through because I didn’t think I had the energy or the ability to study enough for what I was truly interested in.
On top of that, my erratic eating habits have caused me to gain a bunch of weight, this year in particular, and over the last couple of years I’ve developed problems with acne that I never had as a teenager. So my self esteem is pretty much nonexistent.
Does anyone have any experience going to a doctor with the similar concerns? I’m worried that because I haven’t failed out of school, lost jobs, etc. that they won’t take me seriously. Am I just lazy, or does it sound like there’s something worth looking into?
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self.depression
|
"Emptiness is filling me, to the point of agony" [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Should I or should I not?? I am 13 and in grade 8 I have been contemplating suicide since seven I still not completely decided on whether I want to end it all yet or not. I have attempted a couple times it failed and every time I even start talking about it people say think about the people around you and your family and how that will affect them if you end it all but no one understands how I feel on the inside. So I just felt like I needed to express my feelings and no would listen irl so I thought maybe I post on here and by no means am I having a sook I just I needed to say something to someone. Thanks
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does it ever get better? I've been dealing with depression for almost a decade. In that time I haven't been in a relationship and the way I view myself has been trending downward. No matter where I live, what I'm doing career-wise or what medication I'm on, the best I can hope for is an occasional moral victory "good day" every once in a while, and I even manage to devalue those.
I'm 26 years old and I'm terrified of living the rest of my life like this, of being in the same place 10, 20, 30 years from now. I'm already conceding what are "supposed to be" the best years of my life to depression and misery. I'm so ashamed of the sad sack of shit I've become that there's no chance I could convince someone else to love me.
I'm skeptical about whether it's actually possible to turn this around and, if it is, that I'm personally capable of it.
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self.depression
|
I Miss Foursquare The elementary school game. Call me immature, but I would play the shit out of that game every day if I still could. Get a nice, well inflated rubber ball and three friends just play our hearts out like the old days. The buds I have these days definitely wouldn't be down for stuff like that. It kinda makes me sad.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm still hung up on my past relationships.. Even though I know there is no going back, and I think I have moved on. But recently a few men I have not spoken to in YEARS just decide to message me out of the blue. And just like that, I'm wondering why they are reaching out, and will I ever see them again, and how nice it would be to reconnect with them. Even though I know it's a bad idea to even wonder, I let myself think of the possibilities and it gets me so excited and nervous all over again. But I can't tell any of my friends about it because they all HATE these guys.. and why is it that I don't hear from any of them for YEARS but in one week I hear from three of them. Talk about timing.
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self.offmychest
|
Overcoming anxiety and being happy I have made a video to help others overcome anxiety and depression and put in my deep thoughts and feelings so u can be happy. I hope that someone can benefit from this 😊 I'm a new youtuber but have experienced many things and overcome so I hope to help you too 😊 please like and subscribe to my channel if u like and want to see more and share your opinions 😊 thanks
https://youtu.be/dr-3nvZm0yM
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self.Anxiety
|
I think I’m a sociopath I have all the textbook symptoms, i do all of them. I think it’s better i were never born honestly
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self.offmychest
|
Maybe I don't deserve to be happy? I hurt the person I love and care about most. Now she's out of my life.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off dead. That way I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone. Maybe her life would have been better if she never even met me.
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self.depression
|
When I get manic, I get happy and angry at the same time. The anger seems to fuel the happiness in a strange way though, it’s a feeling of success towards all my past enemies. Wish I could just get them out of my head, but I’m glad I’m at least feeling happy [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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Starting To Hate My Therapist ii'm not sure if it's his fault or what... i've been struggling with depression for years. this is the 6th therapist i've seen and i haven't made as much progress as i want. i feel like this whole situation is hopeless. i find it hard to express myself sometimes and i don't feel like he takes my issues seriously.
i'm starting to resent him. i feel like he treats me like a child. i'm too scared to speak up for myself because i never learned to be assertive. i'm losing faith in therapy and don't think anything's going to help me. what would you do in my situation?
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self.bipolar
|
Turned 25 today. Just can't believe it. I really can't. I have learning problems that have affected my life for the worse. I have been depressed since childhood and these days I am not even feel happy or enjoy anything no more.
My learning problems have affected my ability to learn skills, and process information. No one seems to understand it. Like when learning a skill, it is not me becoming good at it instead it is me sucking at it despite trying hard
I have dealt wit social rejection for many years and no one cares to offer help. I have been abandoned by the world I feel
I live alone in Tempe Arizona. No friends nothing and I can't sleep anymore. I drive for hours. I can't understand anything. I can't even play video games or even watch tv. I just exist now. I sleep, I barely eat, and I go to work and then sleep. Don't say get of my ass because I have done it. There's nothing more bad than finding out how much a fuck up you are despite ur willingness to try. Maybe one day learning disabilktrs can go away and all of us can understand each other and help one another
I am so frustrated that I am just a.lost cause .
I'll give myself a few years then I'll just die...the worlds nkt built for people like me. Maybe one day learning problems won't ever have to exist.
I am so behind its like the world is changing without me and I am just aging since my childhood
I'll prolly just donate my Brain to science for them to figure out the cause of this idiotic mental health problem
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self.depression
|
Scared for my dog He ate 4 grapes earlier today by accident. I know it's my fault, I should've kept an eye out for the grocery bags. I really hope he's okay and the emergency vet told me to watch him over night. I just hope he's okay and doesn't have long term issues. I know dogs can die and his vet isn't open tomorrow. I'm really scared.
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self.offmychest
|
I just want to say I am in love for the first time in 10 years. I broke up with my gf (10 years relationship) like 2 and half months ago, after a sadistic for me relationship, and now i met a really awesome girl and i am in love for the first time after sooo much time. My life is back. It feel really awesome. Never loose hope!
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self.depression
|
A thing that happens when I talk about suicide... When I talk about how much I want to die, I smile. Sometimes I make jokes about it. I laugh while saying how much I hate myself. I don't really know why. My only guesses are that it's to be polite, or maybe downplay it.
Is this weird?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My ex is stalking and harassing me, and I want to take legal action. This is an account of my relationship with a man who I met during a time when I was emotionally distraught and vulnerable. I know it's long, just bear with me.
&nbsp;
I came back home for winter break. Being home always disturbs me and brings back unwanted trauma. All my friends had left, my mother was on a trip and my brother already left to go back to school. My dad is dead, he committed suicide two years ago. He shot himself in the mouth. I am traumatized by guns.
I was alone for two weeks. I was slipping into a deep depression, as things go. I felt truly alone and scared for my sanity. I wanted the presence of someone, anyone, to just sit by me.
The first night he came over, I did not want him to touch me. I wanted him to leave, but I didn’t say it. I let things escalate, dissociated from my body. I’m gay and like women, but It was a nice fuck. He gave me a massage, and left in the morning. A human dildo for me, as I usually perceive most of my experiences with with men. I didn’t care.
Two weeks later he fell in love with me.
Because of my severe depression, I couldn’t accomplish basic daily tasks. One day he cleaned out my fridge for me. He took me to my old demolished childhood house which stirred up some emotional trauma. He said and did all the right things. I was blown away by his emotional maturity and communication. I confided in him, and he was there for me. He was my shoulder, and my therapy when I needed it. I eventually learned about his traumas, his PTSD as a veteran, his fears and his insecurities. I wanted to be there for him. I genuinely cared about his well-being, but I lied to him, and myself. I told him I loved him, because, doesn’t it count if you want them to be well?
I let him visit me at school after some attempts to decline his offers. I wanted to be done with him, yet I passively let our relationship escalate. I stayed because he was emotionally intuitive & knew how to fuck. I pretended I could be there for him. He kept talking about kids, angry at me for not wanting to be his long term partner.
On his birthday, he sexually assaulted me. I was violated and traumatized. It happened after a night of drinking and dancing. He vigorously jammed his fingers up inside my ass just to make me uncomfortable. It hurt and I begged him to stop, tears streaming down my face. I was terrified, bawling my eyes out. When he kept going even harder, I went out of my body. I was in shock, watching myself helplessly as I tried to get away, but he was stronger than me, and I was restrained. I think I bled a little. My body felt disgusting and dirty. I didn’t want it to be mine. I wanted to go home but couldn’t, so I sat in his bed as far away from him as possible. I didn’t let him touch me. I asked him later why he did it. He said it was because I wasn’t doing what I was told.
I can't have penetrative sex now, even with my girlfriends, because it triggers that feeling of the complete loss of bodily autonomy. I used to like penetrative sex.
I left to go on a trip, and that’s when he started becoming controlling and aggressive. When I came back to stay with my friend, he visited me even though I told him not to. He intruded into my friends house, but we sat down with her on her couch, anyway. He grabbed my wrist when I tried to get up, when I tried again, he grabbed my body forcing me to sit down with him. He was desperate to prove that there was affection between us. This was when I learned that he was truly unstable & toxic.
Eventually I came back to school. He kept contacting me even though I had broken up with him. During a category 4 hurricane, he was in a house by himself with no one to reach him. He purposefully led me to believe he was going to commit suicide, and none of his friends were doing anything about it. I spent the entire weekend trying to convince him not to. I was pushed to the edge of losing my sanity. I had spent three days in my room convulsing and having anxiety attacks, unable to eat, unable to breathe, cold sweats. I already have this incessant fear that everyone around me is going to die, anyway.
He knew about my dad, and I had shared with him how difficult it was for me to experience nightmares every night about his death, and haunting images of a disfigured face with a gun in the body’s hand. Funny, because he was courteous enough to hide his guns from me.
After I learned he wasn’t dead, he hacked all of my social media accounts, locking me out. He made a post about our loving relationship, how I was 'the one' for him, posting intimate pictures of us together. He then proceeded to post more pictures, from my own social media account, one by one, as I watched helplessly. It was tormenting. I got three panic attacks that day.
Now he continues to stalk me, sending me messages and pictures every day. He makes fake accounts with my name, pretending to be me. He posts disturbing things. He keeps requesting to follow me, and he follows my friends and harasses my brother. He told me he got his ex girlfriend to hack me, and he tries to contact me through her and other exes’ social media. Every day it is something new, something traumatizing.
I was terrified that he was going to come to my city and find me. I took my knife wherever I went, paranoid that he could be right around the corner. Turns out, he actually did come.
I eventually went to the police. I think he could be potentially dangerous if he were to snap. They told me they wouldn’t do anything about it. To this day I’m still being harassed and stalked, and it won’t stop. I am so exhausted. I am trying to make legal moves, but if he gets served, it might provoke him. It's a catch 22. I don't know what to do at this point.
I don't want to cause him any more harm than necessary. He is a human being, though sociopathic & unstable, as it is. But he went too far. I wont forgive him.
&nbsp;
**tldr**: Unstable ex military boyfriend is stalking and harassing me online, I want to do something about it.
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self.offmychest
|
I don’t know if I can do this anymore I don’t even know where to start this. Fuck I hate this disease. My medicine isn’t working anymore. Even if I take it in the morning I can feel when it wears off.
I try to block it out every day at work. By the time I leave I’m on the verge of tears from this knot in my chest. I have a few minutes to deal with it before I get home and have to try and block it out again. I don’t want to let the kids see.
Still when I get home stuff isn’t done. Most of the time nothing’s even been taken out for supper. So now I have to cook and watch the kids to give my stay at home spouse a break. Sometimes I can’t keep the cap on the bottle and I yell when I don’t mean to. I feel bad for the kids and my spouse having to put up with me. They shouldn’t have to deal with this. They don’t deserve this.
Fuck I hate this disease.
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self.depression
|
I'm falling apart It's all coming undone. I can't do this shit anymore. I'll be fired for sure. My mommy will be so upset. I hate all of this. I just want it to be fucking over. All I want is peace.
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self.depression
|
I want to kill myself. I've been thinking about it all day. Shoot myself or the rope or something. I have pills but it's not enough. Ugh. I can't think straight rn. All I know is that I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I've had enough of this "life," and I don't want to wake up as me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My friend died. Now I keep asking myself if I have a right to be sad. I found out Tuesday morning. Initially I was just shocked–I think the first words out of my mouth were "oh shit".
He was an acquaintance in high school that I'd stayed in touch with in the years that followed to some degree. He was good friends with some of my friends so we'd go to the same parties, study in a group setting occasionally, and get together for a beach weekend when all of us were home from college in the summer.
In the past couple months I got to know him better because I started hanging out with those mutual friends a lot more. Just a month ago I went to his house for the first time to hang out. I would call him a friend–not a close one, but a friend nonetheless.
But now I feel guilty being sad about his death. I mean, he had roommates that he spent every day with, best friends from high school that he couldn't wait to see every summer, even classmates that he saw more often than me. *They're* the ones who should be grieving. They've lost someone so close to them and now there's a part of their lives that missing. Me? I feel ridiculous for being so upset over this.
I feel shocked because he was so young. Sad because he was such an amazing guy and the whole world will miss his presence. Anxious because the funeral is days away and I feel like I need closure sooner. But I also feel guilty because I shouldn't feel this way when there are others who clearly need more help.
The worst part is that I've had to hold all of this in because I don't want to seem like one of those people who tries to make tragedies about themselves. When a few of us got together with my friend (his best friend), I had to make sure that *he* was doing OK and nobody ever asked me how I felt. I told my boss I needed a day off for the funeral and she asked if the person was close to me, as if they needed to be an immediate family member or best friend for me to miss work for it.
Anyway, I guess the point of this is just for someone (anyone) to hear how I've been handling this since I can't really talk to my friends about it without other people questioning why I would be so sad.
So if anyone has any resources on grieving for a friend who isn't super close, I would super appreciate it.
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self.offmychest
|
Clean your room. **Preface:**
*You're probably on this sub right now looking for some sort of answer or wisdom to dampen the chaos racking your brain right now. I get it - that's usually why I'm here. You may be looking at this wall of text and thinking, "Christ, do I really want to commit to this?". Listen, if you're here right now, and you're considering clicking away on account of the size, just commit five minutes to reading it. If it offers nothing for you, then at least it's five minutes you spent doing something other than ruminating.*
If you're anything like me, I'm going to hazard a guess and say the place (or one of the places) you retreat to when a wave of anxiety hits you is your room. It makes sense - it's your space, somewhat under your control, and you feel a sense of safety and belonging in there; perfectly understandable.
If you're like me, in those moments when you're running feverishly through the maze of your own mind, ruminating tirelessly for a solution, you become so paralyzed by your own introspective analysis that it takes everything you have just to get to the kitchen to make yourself a meal.
If you're like me, this probably happens often. You spend a lot of time in your room, doing very little. When we become so accustomed to our own personal space, we also become attenuated to the slow buildup of filth that accumulates in it's limited space. No, I'm not accusing you of living in your own shit, like something out of an episode of *Hoarders: Buried Alive*. I am, however, suggesting you may become unconscious of how comfortable you become to the clutter. Look around you. Are your clothes scattered about, laying on various surfaces? At a single glance, are you able to differentiate the clean ones from the unwashed ones? How's the buildup on your desk? When's the last time you dusted off the shelves or made your bed? It's probably been awhile. I most recently noticed this myself, this morning.
If you're like me, here's what you need to do: **Clean your fucking room**. Seriously. Does it solve your problems? Not even slightly. Are you going to reach that magical answer your crave so badly to make the stress subside? Probably not. But I'd like to offer some suggestions as to what I think it *can* do for you.
I'm about the furthest thing from a psychologist - I dipped briefly into the field in university but only as electives. However, I've got a (admittedly short) lifetime's worth of anecdotal evidence to support the idea that the environment we spend our time in has a substantial effect on our baseline mental state. Being in charge of your own space gives you the opportunity (or if you want to view it this way, "responsibility") to fashion it in a manner that's conducive to your own positive head space. Having an area that's bright, organized, and presentable will act of a sort of visual analogue to your own cognition, and your mind may just make the unconscious effort to retrofit itself to meet that standard.
Whoa there, that last sentence was a mouthful. Let me try to explain what I mean. You know how we often express our own inner workings through our fashion, sense of personal taste, art, decoration, etc? Our direct surroundings are commonly influenced by our own mental state - like what posters we choose to put on our walls, or what colour of nail polish we choose, often to match our current mood. However, I would like to believe that the relationship we have to our surroundings is synergistic. Our environment can be influenced by the content of our minds, just as the content of our minds can be influenced by our surroundings. Look me in the proverbial eyes and tell me that your mood isn't improved simply by a walk in the local park. The same logic applies here. If your direct environment (in this case, your room), is a space of organization, hygiene, and general visual appeal, I would guess that it will, even if only slightly, reflect positively on your own mental disorganization. If you look around and see pleasant, positive surroundings, it's likely the unconscious cognitive processing of this visual information will be taken into account when your body decides to mobilize a stress response to whatever mental "threat" you've assigned value to. Whether than be your own personal mistakes, fear of future, your health, your family, etc. Your mind processes enormous amounts of information in parallel at any given time, and whether you're aware of it or not, much of this is playing into the very narrow channel of focus that is your conscious mind. So, take the effort to control the things you *can*, and modify them to contribute positively to your head space.
Do you have windows? Are your blinds closed? Open the blinds, and the windows, let some air in. No, your neighbors don't give a shit about what you're doing - let them see you. I live directly across from another building and I can see right into roughly a dozen different units and I don't spend any time focusing on them. I would assume the same applies in my direction. Vacuum the floor, wash your sheets, folder your clothes, do your laundry. What else are you doing that's better right now? Be real, you're on Reddit. The disparity between how I felt this morning when I woke up in the pigsty that was my room and how I felt after cleaning it (and doing no less than three loads of laundry) was immediately noticeable. This isn't entirely about trying to achieve the end result either. The act of cleaning and organizing can be surprisingly therapeutic, or at very least offer you an activity to focus on that isn't sitting motionless stewing in your own anxiety.
If you're anything like me, clean your room. And then, in your own time, when you're ready... get out of it.
**Edit(s)**: Typos
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self.Anxiety
|
Need advice about severely depressed roommate (and I'm depressed too) My roommate, who's also my closest friend, moved to the other side of the country to live with me. He was having a hard time in the big city he'd been living in, was falling into debt and depression, and decided to make a fresh start. I told him I'd help him out with rent and miscellaneous expenses while he looked for a job. He's struggled with depression for years and years, as have I.
That was 3-4 months ago. I have a flexible full-time job--so I'm preoccupied, have income, stuff to do, etc. He, on the other hand, works 5-10 hours a week, if anything, by doing odd jobs on the computer. Some weeks he doesn't work at all. He claims he's often too depressed to get out of bed, doesn't sleep well, can't wake up, etc. I haven't seen a dime in rent (or for other costs like food, utilities, and transportation) from him. He's applied for a total of roughly 10 jobs since he got here, because he'll only apply for a certain kind of job--something that fits his conception of what his ideal career and salary would be--rather than a lower-level job, like service work, even though there's plenty of the latter to be had in this city.
I don't know what to do with, or for, my friend.
I've tried having hard conversations. We've had many of those. I get a variety of responses: "I'm really trying." "I feel like I can barely find a reason to live, so all this other stuff is beyond my grasp right now." Stuff like this. And I believe that *he* believes it, but nothing has changed in four months. The only behavior he's exhibited has been coping behavior.
Should I give him an ultimatum? I've been put in a position where I would feel terrible about doing that--I worry it would threaten my friend's health, or be unkind. But on the other hand I'm beginning to feel dragged into his depression.
I don't know what the best thing to do is. I'm deeply worried about him, and saddened, and frustrated. I can't get him to make an appointment with a therapist because he's too picky about who he sees, and it's hard for him to find a therapist he likes with Medicaid. He won't go to social functions. He won't go try to meet people. He won't exercise or eat healthy or do anything else I ask him to do for his health. I am his only friend and supporter, but I'm beginning to feel like an enabler. I got internet installed in our place so he could work online, but mostly he watches Netflix to cope with his depression rather than work.
Does anyone relate to any part of this situation--on my end or his? Do you think you could shed some light on how I could help him?
**TL;DR:** I have a depressed roommate/best friend who is financially dependent on me and not improving and will not do much to help himself. I'm worried about the health of both of us.
Sorry for the awkward phrasing; I'm trying to keep this as anonymous as possible. Thank you all so much.
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self.depression
|
Need to get this apology out there... Dear You:
I’m sorry that we are no longer friends. I’m sorry for how it ended, I wish we could have had an actual conversation. I hope one day you find the job of your dreams. I want you to find your beauty and self worth. I hope you finally realize that your family is not in control of you and that you are free to make your own choices; make YOU happy. I hope you find the kind of love you’re looking for; I’m sorry I was not it for you. I wish we were still talking because I miss you and there is a gaping hole where you once stood. I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have and a lot of things that I should have, and did. I want you to know that you hurt me too, but I forgive you. I hope you forgive me too. I will always miss you and always wonder how you are. I never thought we’d end up like this, but as you would say: everything happens for a reason. I’m letting you go from my heart and soul. I cannot cry over us anymore. I don’t want to carry anger and pain any longer. I’m giving our friendship our connection back to the universe. Take care always.
-Me
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self.offmychest
|
Plans I'm not sure if I'll do it, and it won't be soon. I have obligations, work, family. But I'm beginning the process. Writing the letters. Getting a will. Paying outstanding debt. Burning diaries. I have most of December off from work and I want to be prepared in case it's then. Or maybe I'll have dug myself out of this hole and will feel like I can go on for a bit longer. The point is to have a plan. To be ready for that moment, for the decision to go either way and know I've taken care of the big stuff if I really can't go on.
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self.depression
|
I'm going to a concert alone tonight... It's a drum and bass gig with a bunch of artists that I'm crazy about and have been wanting to see live for ages. I couldn't find anyone who wanted to go with me but for once I'm not going to let that stop me from enjoying myself so I'm going alone. I'm calling this as the start of me getting better.
So wish me luck!! And if you have any advice on socialising at these kinds of gigs I will gladly hear them. It's a 7 hour affair so I'd rather not spend the WHOLE time talking to myself hah. Thanks for reading.
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self.depression
|
I hate the way i look..its affecting everything i do and i might be depressed [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Birthday tomorrow. Feeling lonely Hey guys,
So, just moved to a different state about 2 months ago for work. I don't have friends or family to spend time with that are close by. I dislike going out for my birthday as it is, but I really don't want to spend all day inside doing menial Sunday things. What do you guys do on your special day?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone knows of any good chatroom? My loneliness has reached rock bottom, i just want someone to talk to, just want to feel like there's another human interested in what i have to say.
|
self.depression
|
i hate myself and im not sure i want to do anything about it [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
"X, I think I'm better off dead" I sometimes imagine confessing this to someone. I don't remember any point in my life where I never wished I was gone, maybe not dead, but simply non-existent. But neither have I ever opened up this feeling to anyone I'm close with, I don't really need attention, pity, or patronizing words from anyone. Maybe I'm hoping instead that someone could say some magic words that would miraculously make the bad thoughts go away, maybe forever.
&nbsp;
I'm aware that's not ever going to happen. Something something help us but ourselves. I've read enough self-help stuff to know that much.
&nbsp;
So I keep my mouth shut.
&nbsp;
But imagine, finally finally, confessing this ugly brooding thought to someone. Imagine finally unloading that ugly fucking deadweight you've been dragging around for 21 years. And then what?
&nbsp;
You'd probably feel lighter.
&nbsp;
*Umm. No.*
&nbsp;
And god forbid you'd actually start to **FEEL** better.
&nbsp;
*Yuck. Ew. Cringe. Gross. Unthinkable.* Why?
&nbsp;
Until now, I haven't questioned myself why I'd **rather** not prefer to feel better, thank you. When all I want is to not have to deal with myself this way. Why?
&nbsp;
I slightly feel sick deep in my guts whenever I think about how I probably won't feel so down all the time if I only have enough courage to talk about my feelings to someone. Why?
&nbsp;
Why do I so lowkey detest redemption?
&nbsp;
Maybe I lack so personality so much that my whole being revolves around feeling sad and suicidal. And without it, what? What then? What's left? Just a whole bunch of nothing, that's what. Which isn't that much of a difference except maybe a little bit less sad. Or oblivious.
&nbsp;
So then, I guess I realized I don't really want to feel better because feeling better won't make my flaws go away. All it would do is turn me blind. Blind enough to stumble along happily enough through life, without criticizing myself, when in fact, I probably deserve it.
&nbsp;
Something something go big or go home. I'd rather die completely aware of how much of a rotten person I am, than live a mediocre life so stupidly blissfully oblivious of the truth.
&nbsp;
I'd rather spare everyone another hurtful dumbass on earth.
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self.offmychest
|
do showers ever make you feel calm? when i get in the shower i feel calm and almost a sense of peace. I forget all my problems and the world around me becomes good. I take long showers lol but after im done, the problems start again. Wish i could take a shower forever
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self.depression
|
I think I may need medication but I'm scared I started taking medication around december 2014 when I spent a week in a mental health facility. My mom told me that the facility would be able to run tests to see if I had a chemical imbalance. I was naive and I thought they would run a brain scan, my mom said they would. I wasn't suicidal at the time and I was told the stay would only be for a a day or two so I checked myself in. At the facility, my anxiety skyrocketed to heights I've never in my life experienced. There was about 60 people crammed into two wings and two small day rooms and I just started to feel panicky seeing other people's wristbands and the dates ranging from up to 5 months ago, some had been in the hospital for 5 months at time. This of course caused me to freak out because it was right before Christmas time and if I wasn't at Christmas, my whole family would wonder where I was and I worried they would think negatively of me for being in a hospital. I started to get really depressed in there and made a plan to kill myself in a weeks time if I wasn't released. I hated being trapped. I was discharged 8 days later and I felt traumatized after that because of the places my mind actually went. The psychiatrist put me on lexapro and seroquel because I mentioned that I thought I was bipolar. I mean, don't psychiatrists usually evaluate people and not just take people's word from a self diagnosis? I was on medication for a year afterwards, ranging from lexapro, seroquel, lamictal, effexor XR, zoloft, trazadone, and remeron. Zoloft gave me panic attacks. Seroquel made me feel like I had a brick on my head and was unable to think or feel any emotions. Effexor made me lose my appetite. None of these medications made me feel any different really. Lexapro kind of helped me with anxiety, I no longer tried on 20 outfits before leaving the house and I stopped judging myself so harshly. Honestly thinking about taking medications gave me anxiety and I worried if I was feeling the way I was supposed to. I would taper off the meds and feel worse in some cases but like, that's life. I don't even know if I need meds. I think most of my anxiety comes from being triggered by something. I had to walk away from my last job because someone said about me in earshot "there's something WRONG with her, she needs an evaluation" "she doesn't know how to talk" because I was isolating myself from people and it hurt my feelings so bad I just broke down and cried. I don't know if any medications would help and I don't want to go through the long process of side effects and seeing what works and what doesn't. I'm so damn sensitive when people say mean things. Since that I've felt really insecure and I feel like everyone sees right through me and they think I have mental problems. I haven't made a lot of progress with therapy so I don't know what my problem is.
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self.Anxiety
|
Dad With Anger Issues. Bit Scared. Would Like Support. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I think its time i took the plunge.... So i dont really know why im posting this, its not like anyone can change my mind at this point. Long story short, i plan to die this week. I am unemployed, in debt, have no one to turn to and have done everything i possibly can to change my situation. I just cant take it anymore, i have drank myself to sleep the past few nights, i have absolutely no energy and my depression is winning. I feel alone in this fight and i just cant fight anymore. I have been crying my eyes out all day just thinking about living another day in this hell I've gotten myself into. I know my family will hurt but they will move on with time. I guess im just hoping for some last miracle to swoop in and save me.....but i know this is real life and those dont really happen. I haven't decided on how yet but i dont want it to be too messy.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How low can my self esteem possibly go? Since I was eleven my brain has felt like a tangled heavy mess firing on all cylinders.
I am a short, obese, severely sensitive, severely depressed, severely socially awkward Aspie with (Pure-O) OCD who gets taken advantage of and disrespected by my those that should be my good friends. I cant even remember the last time I viewed myself as a worthwhile genuine person...maybe I never have?
I fantasize about blowing my brains out at least once per hour everyday, where I embrace the painless darkness.
I wish i had the will to live but i wholeheartedly honestly dont. I'm 24 but feel like a 74 year old man whos just too tired to keep going...so...so fucking tired...
I attempted once when I was 19 but failed miserably, only to end up in a psych ward. I tell my family I regret it when in reality I mainly regret not completing the job.
I just want someone or something to fix me.
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self.depression
|
New to reddit, but seeking some suggestions I've struggled with depression for most of my adult life. I'm only 29 but sometimes I get these feelings of complete hopelessness. It can happen at any time, even when things are going really well. Is there anything I can do that could maybe help me snap out of it? It truly is a dreadful feeling.
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self.depression
|
It feels like I do everything right. And yet... [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Why are bipolar disorder and psychosis closely associated if the diagnosis is based on periods of depression and mania? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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My Gran passed and i cant get past it. She raised me, loved and accepted me unconditionally, and no one else ever has. She passed about a year and a third ago, right after her birthday. I was there, i held her hand and felt it go cold. Rapid succession after that one of my best friends little sister committed suicide and another good friend accidently shot himself and didnt survive, then my stepfather passed at my mother's house and i had to perform cpr under instruction from emergency services on his dead body for about 40 minutes solid. I have always had a deep fear of dead bodies. The squelching and blood involved in my stepfathers death/cpr attempt give me flashbacks that are like nightmares when I'm awake. I still breakdown in tears very often, sometimes i cant bring myself to do normal household tasks. I havent been able to drive myself to visit my grandfather since my grandmothers death, i breakdown sobbing and heaving until i finally just get back out of the car rather than try to drive in that state. I talked to my grandfather on the phone a couple days ago. My boyfriend is going to drive me to see him today. I have high hopes I'll be able to visit him without crying. Wish me luck.
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self.depression
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does anyone else chain smoke on very bad days? wondering if this is just me (and yes im fucking aware smoking is bad for me, please dont lecture me about it)
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self.depression
|
Hi! It’s 7.45 am and I just cried, I just had to share it. Yeah, I just got to work and I had to go to the bathroom and cry for a bit.
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self.depression
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how to report myself to the school counselor? i really need to talk to someone about my depression/anxiety/self harm. i unspokenly terminates with my therapist, and have been out of therapy for three months. in this time not only have i relapsed, i’ve also just been incredibly depressed.
i want to see the school counselor, but i’m scared to actually go and add myself to the list. i’m thinking of asking a friend or using an anonymous email. what should i do/say?
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self.depression
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Long distance love, what I've wanted to tell you for years. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I hate my best friend's girlfriend (and she hates me) [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I thought I'd share two quotes that I liked/felt I could relate to. I don't know why I feel like sharing them here, but maybe somebody can take something away from them. They're both from Emil Cioran and his work *The Trouble of Being Born*.
The first goes as "It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late."
The second goes as "What do you do from morning to night?
I endure myself."
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self.depression
|
Recovering from my First Manic Episode, Looking for inspiration I'm 23 and I worked very hard in my life to get to a place where I could get my dream job. I worked there for 6 weeks until my first ever episode happened and the mania and psychosis were in the driver's seat. Basically I was rapidly cycling so fast that I couldn't stop myself from going on a series of unhinged social media posting sessions and got myself fired. I didn't even know how to make sense of the mania because it was the first time. I spent time in a mental hospital, got properly diagnosed, and am now not sure what to do. I'm trying to figure out what to do next (suing is not an option bc I was technically still in the hiring probationary period). I sent an apology and an explanation to my ex workplace but I doubt I'll get taken back. I'm in a creative field and just trying to figure out who I am as an artist and what I want to do next. Any inspiration to better understand BPD would be great. I'm pretty new to this stuff and determined to make lemonade out of lemons.
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self.bipolar
|
I'm going to have a revenge on you because you're the worst person. (NAW) My friend's girlfriend's sister was super drunk at my friend's. She entered my guest bedroom, went through my purse. She injected herself with my EPI, drowned my sleeping meds and finished my expensive inhaler. After, she took my work knife out of my purse and destroyed my expensive duvet, feathers got everywhere. She found my coloring dye that I bought for my project then pulled the tab and poured it all over my bed. She stole my money and my brand new truck's keys.
When my friend confronts her and tell her how bad I need my EPI as I had went into coma from peanut allergy, she laughed. She has done this frequently previously to my friends.
Little she know, I come from a rich family because all of my friend was raised on the street. My friend asked me to write down what she have to purchase that she has used or destroyed because they know my personal shit is pricey then they're going to force her to pay for it. She had to pay for her previously damages that she has done but it won't be anywhere expensive as mine. I'm charging her over $1000 for the damage to my custom duvet, brand new truck keys, inhaler, EPI, and cash.
They said she's not welcomed back but I told them if she does, I am going to pour ink all over her when she's asleep and I will be satisfied
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self.offmychest
|
Feeling like shit, music isn't helping as much. Could use recommendations. [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Goodbye message to my ex that im too scared to send [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Looking for a good weighted comforter. I want to get one for my wife for her anxiety. Quality is more important than money to me, so if the gravity blanket is the best one on the market I'm fine with spending the $250 for it. If there's a better one out there though I would rather get that. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thank you.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’m so depressed that I don’t feel like doing anything. Then I think about how small my problems are compared to people going through real shit and it makes me feel even worse about myself for feeling so bad for myself. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Went on Facebook after a long time.. huge mistake The only social media I use often are Youtube and Reddit. I have a Facebook account, but there are no pictures or info and I don't go on it often. I gave in and was curious about what people were posting on New Year's Eve...and I immediately regretted it. Most people were posting their 2017 highlights and boy did they make me feel worthless. One that really got to me was the one who posted about their engagement, moving into their own place together, graduating college, traveling, etc. I just broke down crying for 10 minutes straight after reading her post. 2017 for me was a blur. I cannot give you any highlights of my life because there weren't any for me. Just a lot of crying and regrets. I have no friends or social life, so it's really hard for me to do anything eventful. I just sit in my room alone trying to pass time with the internet. I hate it so much. It is ironic with me because I hate how much technology has advanced (social media wise) and how people are always on their devices nowadays, yet when you look at me .. I am doing what I hate other people doing. Sometimes I feel like if I grew up in the 80s, my life wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't have a computer, phone, etc to occupy me so I would not feel tired or useless and instead put effort into making friends.
To anyone who read this, thank you so much. I don't post on here very often and just wanted to feel less alone by interacting with you all (since I am of course not doing anything exciting for new years). Happy New Years to you all regardless. Hope you guys have/had a better day than me.
|
self.depression
|
Is life this mundane and pointless ? Does it get better ? I'm 18 years old and 3 days ago I gave the biggest exam (yet) of my life. Can't say I did good on that, but can't say I did bad either. It's just that I didn't study for it at all. It has hit me, now, that what have I done nothing meaningful in life. Nothing. Nothing at all. It's an empty existence.
Am I just incompetent ? Probably...
I don't want to talk to my friends, or family, I just want to be alone, because I deserve it. I am a buffoon. I am a loser.
I don't want to leave this bubble that I have created and I am worthless....
|
self.depression
|
ED Comorbidity with Bipolar Pretty much as the title says, been diagnosed with 'ED similar to Anorexia' and I was wondering if anyone else had any similar experiences?
|
self.bipolar
|
Meds besides hydroxyzine and buspar that aren't benzos? I already take buspirone twice daily and hydroxyzine as needed, but my anxiety is still intense, almost unbearable. It's been like this for the past year and a half. My pdoc prescribes ambien for a sleep disorder and refuses to prescribe any other benzos. Just about the only time I feel "relaxed" is after I take ambien. I typically need it between one and three times per week.
I'm reluctant to take the ambien during the day because I need it to work for sleep. What other meds are out there that might help besides benzodiazepines? My pdoc keeps recommending SSRIs despite the fact that anti-depressants make my anxiety worse.
Thanks in advance.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely. Nobody responds to my texts. Nobody replies to my good news. Nobody cares. Everyone is wrapped up in their neat little lives. Social lives. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Everyone gets one but me. I'm just a third wheel. An afterthought. I've never really felt a part of anything. I always feel like I'm "just tolerated" barely by others.
I look at people. And think how nice it would be to be normal again. To be able to walk without issue, to be able to run. To not have to think about it. To have my strength again. It's been well over a year since my surgery and I still have to go to physical therapy. Be cutoff from everyone. Not have any friends. Just be delegated to text. No voice. Nothing.
It's not fair. It's just not fair. I'm so lonely. Just say hi at least. I don't want this endless void of nothingness.
What is the point? It just doesn't seem like there is really any point to me existing at all. I'm just a burden anyway.
|
self.offmychest
|
Belly breathing kinda makes me feel panicked? I'm struggling a bit with anxiety attacks while out and about lately after one of my bigger fears became a lot more real, and I've tried to do deep breathing to calm myself down. But I really struggle with it. Something about the tightness in my stomach when I try to breath into it makes me feel... trapped maybe? Or perhaps a bit like I can't breath. Either way, I don't find it very comfortable and it actually has been making the "panicked" feeling worse a lot of the time. Does anyone else experience this or have ideas for how to overcome it? Or any alternative techniques to getting past anxiety attacks while out and about?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Halloween and scary things as a potential trigger? (paranoia, mixed episodes) This might be a bit of a strange question, but here it goes. I never really have plans for Halloween (it's not very big in my country), but I like the horror genre, so I always like to at least watch a couple horror movies, or read creepypasta and stuff like that.
I can't remember how it went last year, but this year my bipolar has gotten worse, and there's been a big presence of mixed episodes. Many of my mixed episodes involve being scared at random things that make me get paranoid easily, being very jumpy and seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, craving things like gore (it gets as bad as watching real executions...). All these things cause me to have nightmares, and feel like I need to defend myself, be fit, and be alert at all times.
It suddenly occurred to me that my Halloween activities could be a trigger for these kind of episodes, which are the ones that terrify me the most. And I hate that cause I already had a horror marathon planned (the kind that leaves me scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night).
Should I cancel these plans or am I overthinking it? My therapist has told me to be very wary of all these signs and potential triggers, but I'm not sure if this applies. How do you usually cope with Halloween and things like scares, etc?
|
self.bipolar
|
Broke up with the girl I love because of my depression/anxiety I have had problems with anxiety since my previous relationship, mainly related to relationship anxieties.
I met my girlfriend in the summer holidays and we dated until we went to university. Whilst at uni we decided not to do long distance but ended up facetiming every evening for hours on end, and basically carried on dating.
I was really excited to see her again over the Christmas holidays and then the anxiety kicked up again. I think the long distance had enabled me to not realise it was a relationship until I got home and it hit me and suddenly the fear of making the same mistakes I did in the past relationship hit me.
I went to the doctors and was placed on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication and for the next week things were great again. But then the emotional numbness kicked in. I felt absolutely nothing for anyone or anything and it really got to me. Any feeling I did feel was just anxiety about the relationship.
I want to get therapy about my relationship fears and I didn't feel like I couldn't do that whilst immersed in the fear, so I decided to break up with her so I could get help. I also stopped the anti-depressants because the numbness it made me feel caused me to self-harm which I've never done before.
I'm so unbelievably sad. I love her, she's beautiful and kind and funny and I love spending time with her. I don't at all want to end it with her, yet I don't see how I could get help with the anxiety making everything feel like a mountain.
I can't go back on it, I've hurt her too much by breaking up with her to say "that pain was unnecessary because let's get back together". And we agreed that if one of us broke up with the other then we wouldn't go back on it.
I have this real hope that one day when I've addressed the fears I have that we can reconnect and try again but I know it's unfair on both of us to live with that expectation and hope.
I have so many regrets and I hate mental illness more that anything. Im so sad that I can't be with her.
|
self.depression
|
Confused im only 14 years old, so i know people wont take this serious but I just hate life, im fat, ive never had a girlfriend, i don't have any friends, My mind is just fucked and i hate life, i feel like whatever i do something bad happens, Does anyone else relate ?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bad first experience So I just left my first psych evaluation. After calling 8 doctors and places only one could see me. They weren’t my first choice as the facility is an intense outpatient program, but I specifically asked if they did the evaluation and I didn’t need intense outpatient, that they could recommend other local psychiatrists that I could see. They said of course.
So I go in, meet with this woman who asks me questions for about an hour, and then at the end she recommends IOP 3 hours a day/3-5 days a week.
She didn’t give me insight into her assessment or anything. And when I told her I wasn’t expecting that, I was looking for more just medication maybe and therapy, she still recommended this and that they would do medication if you need it but that will be discussed once I start treatment.
The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth. I took time off work to go talk to this person for what? Nothing. I go no information that helped me.
I guess it was my mistake for going there in the first place knowing it was a IOP facility and expecting they would recommend lesser treatment.
I’m just so put off I don’t want to seek anymore doctors out. :/
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self.bipolar
|
paralyzed in fear of the future Visiting my parents right now and everyone is relaxed and happy, yet here I sit on the couch just staring into the air, overthinking my entire life. Getting more and more of a stomach ache and nowhere near a solution the more I think but just avoiding the thoughts doesn't work either because they'll come back to haunt me. I feel like I need to figure out a plan to handle the hundreds of problems and possibilities, yet I'm too scared to make a decision since I feel like those I made in the past already made it worse and lead to this comstant anxiety in the first place. At the same time I know that doing nothing will leave me unprepared and won't solve anything either... There just seems to be no sure way to avoid desaster, it's basically either I pick a path and it works or ... I don't even know - the consequences of failiure or bad luck would be desasterous and irreversible.
Anyone have any tipps on how to deal with big life decisions and mistakes in the past or future that can't be fixed? o.o'
|
self.Anxiety
|
Please tell me why I should get out of bed this weekend [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Get occasional thoughts about beating up my rude brother... I have to hear him yelling with his friends while playing his video games and hearing the hateful shit spewing from his mouth because my parents can't be bothered to get more involved with his life and teach him some manners is throwing me up the wall.
Worst part if I were to personally tell him to cut it out, he would just ignore/dismiss me, and if I do assert some authority, his parents will give me shit for "acting like a parent".
Ugh. And they wonder why I'm not so involved with the family anymore.....
|
self.offmychest
|
Feeling lost. Don't know what to do. This past year has been the worst of my life. I'm completely lost and unsure what to do. My wife left me a year ago after her feelings seemed to change and me acting out, especially when drinking, because I felt a lack of compassion and feeling distant. I recently quit my job as a counselor as I feel like I need to help myself and used all of my emotional energy at work. I've been looking for something else but I feel no motivation or purpose for anything. As much as I have contemplated suicide I couldn't do that to my mother or daughter.
On that note, I remember reading a post that talked about what you would have missed if you committed suicide a year ago. And I tried to think of positives but really I was a whole lot happier before it. It has changed my view on the value of my life and what's worth it anymore. Honestly it seems that I'm not worth it anymore.
Being without my wife has destroyed me. She was, and in many ways still is, my everything. I'm trying to fix it but I can only control myself and I can't make her change.
I feel like I lost my self concept. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I like, and I don't know where I want to be. I've been trying to find something but I never get the feeling of happiness anymore. Only despair. I'm just lost and I have no idea what move to make or why I do what I do.
|
self.depression
|
I can't explain this feeling I'm just empty, sounds stupid right but it's just how I feel right now, well more like I don't feel any emotion. It's like I'm standing in a moving crowd but I'm just standing there. I can't sleep, I can't talk to anyone in person about it, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make friends or bond with anyone, people just ignore me like I'm invisible. Some of my "friends" say they worry but it never sounds legitimate. They even give me the same look. I even come out and tell people about how I feel and they look down on me like I'm some attention seeking emo kid. I want to laugh like them too but I just can't. I tried so hard to be happy but it never leads to anything but more depression so I just gave up caring. And here I am left with nothing. I could die right now and not care and I could keep going doing nothing till I die and not care. But death sounds alot faster and more satisfying. At least I won't have to go on and become nothing.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
There is no light at the end of the tunnel [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I want to end my life The last 3 years have been sad for me. I don't have real friends. I can't go out with nobody. My girlfriend left out of nowhere 5 days before my birthday. I've been on antidepressants. I hate my job. I hate everything.
Me and my ex had a great relationship once and she turned on me. Who knows if she cheated. I loved her. I don't understand what happened. She faked everything for the last 6 months of our relationship. I'm so hurt. She broke up with me twice in the same week. Than gave me hope to just ignore for the rest of the week. All she says she's having fun with many guys and her sister.
I stayed faithful. I tried my best. I was busy with so much stuff I neglected her without meaning to. The once girl that said she wants to be with me for the rest of her life 2 weeks ago, dumped me. The closest person I ever been to turned fake on me and it hurts.
I want to end things but I love my mom. If it wasn't for her. I would end things.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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