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Do you wear a mask when around people? Can people tell you're wear a mask? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone here experience tactile hallucinations? Whenever I am in a manic episode I experience tactile hallucinations, a lot. Typically it is just the feeling of having bugs crawling over me. Usually my legs. It is especially bad when it turns out I actually have a bug on me, just makes me even more paranoid that there will be other bugs. Of course whenever I experience these hallucinations I am constantly rubbing my legs, or whatever body part I am struggling with in that moment. It makes me look like a freaking weirdo sometimes because of how much I rub a body part because of the hallucinations. Anyone else have experience with this?
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self.bipolar
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Eff the bees Nothing in particular against bees, I love all creatures from this earth. But if it’s your time it’s your time. If a species is gonna die off so what.
I understand bees are necessary to pollinate plants and all that jazz but I’m pretty sure Mother Nature is capable of keeping the balance since she’s been going a few million years strong. Humans will adapt if the bees die so I just don’t see what all the noise is about. They’re just bugs, no more important than the worms in the ground or the birds in the sky.
Fuck the bees, humanity don’t need em
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self.offmychest
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Constant Existential Thoughts I constantly think about death, not exactly wanting it but more curious about it. It's just so.. strange. You're there, then one day you're gone. Your life's over, like that. Who even knows what comes after? I half want there to be nothing, as I feel living forever would be a nightmare for me, and I half want there to be something, because I can't imagine what it's like to be dead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What do I do next? I’m 21, I’ve ruined my credit, most of my friendships & I never had a real relationship. I’m currently sitting in my room.... well actually my grandmothers room because of my recent eviction. My family has an extreme history of mental illness & alcohol abuse so it’s not cand land here, it’s depressing as can be. I had already suffered from severe depression my whole life, now I’m stuck in the middle of everyone else’s illness again. My mom has schizophrenia & was homeless cause she was scared to go in the house due to the government watching her. My aunt never gets up off the bed or takes showers or cleans her house and makes my grandmother (70) do everything including take care of her kids. The house I’m currently in is filthy ( maggots in the carpet upstairs, chicken wings & used toilet paper all over the bathroom, cat piss & puke in the floor)cause I can’t keep up cleaning it & neither can my grandma. I’ve been trying to get my life together because I suffer from mental illness also & im honestly such a failure, I’m overweight, unmotivated, extremely irresponsible & lazy and I don’t know why because I want to achieve things in life buts it’s so hard with the situation I’m in. I use to work when I lived on my own but now I live so far from the bus line & it’s freezing cold so it’s hard finding a job. Sad thing is, I probably wouldn’t keep the job anyway cause I suck at keeping one. I don’t wanna be a bum but idk what is that my life is complete failure. I’ve tried therapy, medication but nothing is working. Do you have any type of advice???
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self.depression
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Anonymous Verbalizing Life's weird. It's not like I try to hide my illness, but do people really notice?
It's getting worse. The urges and ideations are more disarming; even one or two will ruin my day, just like they used to. I feel violent. I have rape fantasies now. That's new as of the last few months, nice touch.
Am I a danger to myself or others? Do I have a duty to report? Does my therapist really need to know about all of that? Do I trust her that much?
I guess the real question is: do I want to deal with this now, on my own terms, or later, on someone else's?
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self.bipolar
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After looking at the few journals I’ve ever managed to keep I noticed that my handwriting differs depending on my mood Wondering if a handwriting expert would be able to tell they’re by the same hand
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self.bipolar
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I don't want this. * I don't want to be like this forever.
* I don't want to live with this well into my forties.
* I don't want to be like my mother who killed herself.
* I don't want to deal with rapid cycling.
* I don't want to feel like a broken person.
* I don't want to feel unlovable because I'm unpredictable.
* I don't want to be single for the rest of my life because who would want this?
* I don't want to feel like I'm insensitive because I don't realize it.
* I don't want to burden people with issues that make no sense to me.
* I don't want to lose motivation just because I'm sad.
* I don't want to feel like I can't be a parent because I'll pass this down and I won't know how to take care of my kids.
* I don't want to feel alone because no one I know has this or anything permanent.
* I don't want to take meds for my depression when it only happens every three months and be a zombie.
* I don't wanna feel like I can't be a therapist because I'm crazy.
* I don't want to feel like I have to hide this from people because they'll think I'm crazy.
* I don't want to feel like I have to scream all the time.
* I don't want to keep fucking crying all the god damn time.
* I don't want to feel like I'm hopeless.
This is the longest cycle of depression that stemmed from seemingly nothing that I've had in a long time. I haven't been suicidal since May but it's back even though I know it's irrational. My best friend that I live with is going through a really bad bout of depression and I can't help him because of where I'm at; we haven't spoken to each other in 24 hrs now. I feel like a toddler in saying that I feel like he's being mean to me, and at the same time I want to isolate myself, so it's hard to wrap my head around how I feel. I just feel alone and I don't know what to do. Sorry for the rant.
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self.bipolar
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My Relationship. I have been dating this girl for close to 9 months now. The relationship has had its ups and downs. in the beginning of the relationship things were great. She was going to a college 40 minutes away from me so during the week we would talk and text on the phone, and on weekends we would hang out at her dorm. Then summer started.
Over the summer i got really busy and she was busy with work as well and we struggled to find time to see each other and i can tell that time apart was rough on her and it was as well on me. But we got through it. Then School started back up. The difference this time is that she transferred to my community college because she hated her college. To me I thought it was great news at first but i quickly discovered that it wasn't. The Problem was i spent my weekdays before she got to this school working and getting my homework done so then on weekends i could see her. but when this semester started i got a bunch more homework on my plate, as well as i started a new close to full time job, and i volunteered regularly for a theater program building the set pieces. A few weeks ago, it got to a breaking point. I had been busy the past week and a half working on multiple projects and working and she told me, (It happened to be a day where i was busy and she had no plans which doesnt happen often) that "maybe we should take a break because you are so busy working and its not fair that i have to wait around all the time for you because it feels like that's what i am doing" We talked through that statement, and she made it clear that she did not want to break up but that she wanted to reconviene after all my crazy schedule died down. i told her flat out that No, you are either in a relationship or your not and she backed down. she reasured me that it wasnt that she wasnt interested in me or interested in someone else, which i do believe. because things since have gotten better. I have begun to set more time out of my week to see her or treat her to dinner and it seems things are getting better, the problem is, that conversation shook my confidence in our relationship, and now ive gotten more anxious that things could break at any second. and she has picked up on this and seems bothered by my lack of confidence now. which causes me to be more anxious
SO if you read all this through, basicaly My issue is, should i be concerned? How do i deal with this anxiety and work to make things better? Am i being smart about any of this. Any feed back is appreciated. Thank You i hope this made sense...
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self.offmychest
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I don't know what to do Im really struggling in life right now. I have no money and still in school. I have so much I need to pay for and I have no way to pay for it. I have a little saved up and i feel like if I keep running it'll be okay. But I know one day it won't be okay and that'll be the day I try to kill myself. All my issues will catch up to me and it'll be too much to handle.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Social Anxiety I have had Social Anxiety since I was 12... I have always have had periods where I feel like I am making progress (Having a Group of friends and maybe one or two close Friends) But it feels like a cycle because then for one reason or another either I self-sabotage or become too attached
Who has Social Anxiety ?
Another Thing I have is often Obsessive thought Cycles does anybody have strategies for this
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self.Anxiety
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Latuda and food My psych recently switched me from Saphris to Latuda. I'm taking 20mg now, then increasing to 60mg and then 80mg. She said it has to be taken with at least 350 calories or it doesn't work. That's a substantial amount, almost a meal. I tried taking it with my dinner but it knocked me out less than an hour later, so that's not an option. I can't really eat a whole dinner and then fall right asleep, unless I want to gain weight. So I'm assuming weight gain is just a given on this medication? I already hate eating unless I absolutely have to. What is a good way to consume that many calories right before bed?
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self.bipolar
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This is what will happen when I kill myself This world is so funny... it really is..
People swear they are there for you. They say "I'm here for you if you ever need me!" but then when you need them, they don't answer your calls, they don't answer your messages, they blatantly ignore you. It takes back all the sincerity of the gesture to be there for you..
I've thought about my own suicide more than once. Actually saying more than once is a bit of an understatement. I think of it every day. Many times a day. When I wake up in the morning, when I get into the shower (if I feel well enough to take one), when I walk outside, while I'm driving.. suicide is a constant thought in my life.
I know exactly how it would go too..
1. People would say they never saw it coming.
Oh, really? You never saw it coming? You didn't see my posts on facebook about how lonely I was? You never saw me asking if anyone wanted to hang out? You never saw my poetry that I posted about depression and my dark thoughts? You don't remember all the times I swallowed pills or tried to hang myself and had to be hospitalized? Is that all a blur to you?
2. People will post comments on my social media about how close we were, how much this hurts them... but truth is, they only do it for the likes. I can honestly tell you that I have 2 friends. I'm not kidding. 2. And anyone who says they miss me and love me or that they were there for me.. Its all a lie. People become so fake when someone commits suicide.
They take the death of someone and turn it into something that will give them social media fame, likes, comments. They're addicted to the attention and no regard to the life that has been taken by dark thoughts.
3. No one will talk about the suicide part. Oh, it's just too sad. It's just too soon. They never want to acknowledge that suicide is REAL.
4. They will forget me. After all the social media comments and all the posts saying "RIP Angel".. a few months will go by,maybe a year or two and then all of a sudden, I'm just a name. A name on a list of those that lost it. They finally reached the breaking point.
I'm writing this in case anyone tries to say that they loved me or that they were there for me.. because if they did, if they REALLY loved me, I would get a reply. I wouldn't be sitting on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out. They would answer their phone. I would have someone to talk to. But right now as I write this, I am alone. I don't matter to a soul now and I won't when I'm gone either. After a few years I will eventually be completely forgotten.
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self.depression
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Anyone tried alpha stim Ive recently had the alpha stim bought for me by a parent. Its a device which clips electrical nodes to your head, stimulating the brain to activate parts of it which may be inactive or overactive due to depression. Been using it a couple of months now and have improved greatly. I can slip back into depressive thoughts but its not as constant as before. Was just wondering if anyone else has used the alpha stim and if they have did longer use of it eradicate their depression completely?
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self.depression
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Why should I put any effort into anything? What's the point of feeling happy? There were days where I wanted to be able to live happily, to get out of the state which I am currently in.
But why? What's the point of feeling happy, if we're all going to die sooner or later? What's the point of putting effort into anything, if death is going to take away all of our achievements? The world does not need me. The Earth will continue fuctioning normally without my existence. Nothing will change. The Universe will remain the same. So why care? Why? Is there really ANY point to any action we make? To feel pleasure? Happiness? What's the point of those emotions? They're just an illusion to maintain you alive, while death is just slowly but surely running towards you.
Living is pointless.
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self.depression
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Have you taken mod stabilisers for depression? Such as lithium. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Depressive symptoms enhanced by even small amounts of marijuana and alcohol now. Hey guys, so just for some background- I'm a college student who is taking this semester off to make sorting out my mental health my number 1 priority before I decide to re-enroll into classes again. In high school I had tried Lexapro, Zoloft, and wellbutrin, and in my first year of college I was prescribed concerta. None of these medications worked for me. Now I am prescribed to Mirtrazapine.
At college, I usually smoked weed on weeknights and did coke while drinking on weekends (sometimes opting for LSD instead). In all honesty, I would say I was in a state of Polysubstance Dependence. Since I have come home 2 months ago, I have been 98% sober, and it has not been too terribly hard since I was never physically addicted to any one of the drugs mentioned.
I have noticed an overall improvement in my mental acuity since being mostly sober, however, I have both participated in drinking and smoking weed *in small amounts* 2 times each in these last 2 months (with friends coming home from winter break). In all 4 instances, I noticed that the following 1-2 days following consumption (even in the smallest amounts) augmented my depressive symptoms drastically. The thing is, I have never noticed this before, even back in high school when I would drink or smoke with my buds.
**Tl;Dr**; is anyone else's depression easily affected by smoking marijuana or drinking alcohol even when it is in small amounts? I stress the small amounts bit as it has always been quite obvious that blatant abuse of either of these can enhance my depression, but now it seems like I can't even have a drink/joint or two with my friends without facing negative repercussions in the following days.
Edit: I should probably note that even if no one else can concur with me on this, I have already begun rethinking the approach I need to take as far as reforming my social environment and habits when I decide that returning to college is right for me.
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self.depression
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I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide recently Things have been super hard for me lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about death and suicide, more than I ever have. I’ve been having detailed thoughts of suicide—how I would do it, where I would do it, what time of day I would do it, how people would react, IF people would react... for the first time in my life I feel like I might actually do it one of these days but idk.
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self.depression
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I’m slowly giving up, and I think I’m very close to ending my life. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel totally trapped I should start by saying that I am on a lot of patient assistance programs.
Here's where my troubles kick in.
If I start making to much money, my meds become unafforadable, If I get health insurance, my meds become unaffordable, I can't afford much but i get the meds that keep me level
Ditto with seeing my Doctor and therapist, If my situation changes I could lose the ability to afford any of it.
As it is i struggle to afford any of it.
I don't know where I'm going with this, I just needed to vent I guess.
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self.bipolar
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Scared to Start Meds :( Hey all. I’ve been in therapy since age 6, Baker Acted at 15, sent to inpatient treatment at age 17, stayed for a year for self harm, depression, and substance abuse.
In inpatient they just said I needed to find god and quit smoking pot and life would be dandy. Then, the inpatient program took me off my depression and ADHD meds because I traded adderall for a cigarette. Life was miserable.
So, I went straight to university after inpatient treatment (genius move) and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I think that the diagnosis is fitting but I don’t trust it completely; what if it’s BPD or Cyclothymia?
Fast forward a year, I dropped my therapist. School is tough because I’m either so hyped up I think that I don’t need school because I’m a genius and a god among men and can do anything I want with my life. Other times, I’ll miss a week of classes and do no work because I hate myself and want to die.
All in all, I’m so used to dealing with the symptoms that I don’t want to take meds or go back to therapy because I’m scared of the side effects. I don’t want to lose my sex drive or get fat or be lazy. I don’t want to give up drugs and alcohol. And I’m really distrustful of doctors because not a one has helped me in the past.
Tl;dr I’m fucked up, probably bipolar, barely passing my classes, but don’t want to experience side effects from meds. What do I do
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self.bipolar
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Why is dating and this social structure so fucking complicated? I was at a sleepover last night and all my friends were talking about was the girls they got laid with and girls shit. Even one guy who was just sophomore in HS was talking about how he had some experiences with girls. I am already a sophomore in college and I feel hopeless. I admit maybe I haven't tried but I just suck socially. I am so fucking tired and people with other subreddits will tell me I am not trying and should be confident, but I don't know how. I feel hopeless, the girl I have a crush on right now, is out of my league and will probably go for some fucking d bag. It also fucking sucks hearing from them that you need to be an asshole to get girls. I'm trying to remain positive and work out and play basketball but it doesn't erase my pain. It is hard to explain but basically I feel so down seeing how others are doing but me. People will say to keep costive but they won't ever get it, they were never in my shoes. Even my parents who I tell won't get me. IDK what to do, I am considering finding a job, but my social skills suck. I don't even know where dos tart with getting a girl or making more friends, I feel so down and no one cares but my fucking family.
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self.offmychest
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Advice for a friend Hi guys,
I’m not sure where to start to I’ll just go ahead. My close friend recently attempted suicide and he’s currently hospitalized and being monitored. He’s accepting visits so I’ll be seeing him soon. As someone with depression as well as anxiety, I know the place he’s in, and I know the feeling he has, but I need help.
Every friend in my life that has attempted suicide has succeeded. I’ve never been able to be there in the moment for someone to lend support or listen. They never got a chance. This is the first time I feel like I can support someone who almost took their own life, but I don’t know what to even say or do when I see him.
I’ve never attempted suicide myself, but there were many times I just about did and backed out. So I’m anxiously waiting to hear back when I can visit, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I see him. When I found out I was a mixture of so many feeling and simply shocked. I don’t know what I’d even want to hear from people if I were in his situation.
Can someone lend me advice on how to support him? I don’t wanna be overbearing, I don’t want to beat a dead horse that I’m sure he’s hearing all the time right now. I just want to be there for him and lend a shoulder to lean on. I just want to help in the best way possible. I love this man with all my heart and he deserves every chance in life. I don’t wanna lose another friend. I can’t. It’s tearing me apart.
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self.depression
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Accept what I cannot change, over and over (cross-posted) I have been having an anxiety filled day, thinking about things that I honestly have no control over, thinking about the future, and trying my best to just stay in the moment. Something that has been helping me is to write, over and over, "Accept what I cannot change." I feel slightly like a child who has the punishment of writing their wrong doing over and over, but hey, it is working to calm me. I am still white-knuckling it at times, but I just go back to my paper, take a deep breath and keep writing.
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self.bipolar
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Empty? I've already planned to leave college abroad and i have considered to take college back home, but strangely there is something deep inside me that will miss this place. I don't know what is it. I started here wanting to die and now i'm leaving after 6 months.
I'm leaving because it made a horrible impact in my life. Maybe it's the fact that i can't sustain my mental and physical state. It's daunting having 9 classes in a semester for medicine. Apparently it's a set of classes that they follow so next sem i would have to follow it or be considered as "behind."
Maybe a part of me feels unsure going back home, even though i lived there for my entire childhood. I don't want my reason ti be that "it's easy" or something but it's more that I might be well equipped to handle situations there than here. Maybe it's the fact that after all of the these months I'm dropping out, leaving all of the excruciating pain.
A majority of my friends and my parents say that i should leave, considering the fact that I'm completely "different" than before. They say i sued to be the happy go lucky guy who is always elated in every situation. Now, I'm dull and joyless. I'm not letting their reason of missing me be the reason to come back. It's always been for academics.
Maybe that's something that i shouldn't worry too much about. I mean, academics has always been something i cherished the most, but how much will it take me once i'm done. Fuck, dying sounds easier than handling this.
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self.depression
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Unable to make myself ask for help Hey r/depression.
I am in therapy (although very irregularly due to financial restrictions) and I have loving friends and family members yet I do not know how to ask for help.
I saw my therapist last week for the first time in a few months (I was doing absolutely awful during those) and pretended like everyhing is okay. I have talked to her about my issues before and she even helped me find a psychiatrist.
My friends and some family members also offer support and repeatedly tell me that I just need to hit them up if I need help. Because I feel like I'm just a burden on everyone who has ever interacted with me before I never do so.
How the hell do I get over myself and actually ask others for help? What would I even say? I can't just walk up to someone and go "I want to die and I feel like I am unable to cope with just existing."
tl;dr not able to ask for help because I feel like I annoy everyone. How do I get over this issue?
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self.depression
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I'm so lost. I'm just looking for help but don't know where to start anymore. I'm a 31 year old guy and have struggled with mental health issues since childhood, i've been permanently on one or more anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds since my early teens and have had therapy (roughly) every other year during times i found particularly difficult, The death of a loved one, bad break up etc.
I have a beautiful woman i'm engaged to be married to next October and a 7 year old child from a previous relationship that i feel are the only reasons i've kept going as long as i have.
I was addicted to drugs (benzos and barbiturates) for a little over two years but with the help of my fiancee and my father i've been clean for since April 2016 and have been under heavy scrutiny by doctors and mental health workers since. The problem is despite everyones best efforts i don't feel any better, in fact i feel worse since getting clean, and i attempted to take my own life back in July and this has, understandably, caused more concern from the doctors and my family.
I've been lying since then and faking my "progress" but i still have suicidal thoughts daily. I don't know who to talk to. If i try and bring up my feelings it just upsets or angers the people i'm closest to. The only honest conversations i hold are with my inner monologue.
My fondest wish is to just disappear from the minds and hearts of my loved ones.
So i've put a lot of effort in to christmas, my fiancee and i are having my son from boxing day until new years eve. Just the three of us with extra effort going in on presents and food. Then a little in to the new year i want to just leave one night/early morning and take public transport to a seaside town and swim out in to the ocean until the inevitable happens. This may sound melodramatic but i've always been fascinated and terrified of the ocean and it's the only way i can truly think of that might actually make me disappear.
I haven't had a phone since my last one broke a year ago and i have no bank cards since the only card i use for the only active account have got trashed in the washing machine and dryer so i won't be easy to find. I have a small stash of cash hidden to get me to where i want to go after christmas.
I just want the last memories of me and my family to be happier for my sakes and theirs and to then to be never found.
So this me pouring out the honest i've kept hidden and reaching out for some unbiased advice from someone who won't be affect by my actions.
Thanks for taking the trouble to read this.
Sincerely,
Vulpesocean
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self.SuicideWatch
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My girlfriend has borderline personality disorder and just broke up with me for the 5th time in 3 months. I feel torn between loving her and wanting to give up. I've fallen for this girl so hard and am so in love with her, but our relationship is so difficult. On top of her BPD, we're both depressed and go to college two hours apart. It's hurts knowing the way we both feel and having to go through so much to try to make things work. I still love her, and she will probably change how she feels again and we will stay stuck in this cycle. I can't keep being hurt like this, it isn't helping me, but I can't leave her either. I wish I could make all her mental issues go away, I care about her so much and just want to help, she deserves to be happy.
ps made an alt account because she knows my main one
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self.offmychest
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Freezing with fear when I have to do something Hi,
do any of you have practical advice and methods on how to overcome fear? There are some things I have to do which, when I try to start them, cause me to have this intense freezing fear. In my case it can be opening various mail or even starting to read some book. It could even be when I decide to rent a movie. I know I shouldn’t be afraid and I do not see rational reasons for it, but I get waves of fear that feel like there is a predator that is going to attack. I feel it and I am gripped with stillness and fear as if I am hiding and can’t move or breathe heavily because it could reveal my position.
Because of this I end up not doing things I have to do, missing some deadlines, not going to the dentist. Well the dentist is understandable since no one wants to go to them. In my case it is mundane things.
This is probably a symptom of PTSD I am diagnosed with, but I still need to find ways to overcome these irrational fears.
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self.depression
|
Made a rap song last night while I was in my feels [removed]
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self.depression
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will end this life soon it has been a wonderful many-many years with a lot of rollercoaster, the highs and the lows and yet she stick with me and the kids...
i was recently been released from a very traumatic depressing place, God's will...
and now in a new place with a relative, starting a new beginning, again...
yet the nags is constant for my wife and kids from the relatives...
hence making it a concrete reason for her to leave me and the kids, to care for her family back at the old place...
i totally understand her stress...and the kids too
she doesn't want us to relocate to a different place, she just wants to go back there...to the old place
and if she does this soon which i believe it will happen, i will be left with the kids, they are very close to my wife and this will give a big blow for them mentally...
and i can't bear watching them suffers without a mother...
and so i decided to sacrifice myself soon, end this life so that at least the kids will have a mother that will dearly love and take care of them...
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How I’ve learnt to accept and manage my anxiety I’ve sought therapy to treat my anxiety for the last 7 years or so. Most recently I saw a therapist who I resonated with and I felt helped put me on the path to helping me manage my anxiety, She prefaced the very first session with the notion that I will never truly be free of anxiety which is OK, it is a part of who I am, but I can learn to manage it. And that is what I set out to do (which for me was a new outlook / way of approaching my anxiety).
As the sessions progressed I made notes of the key takeaways which I have sought to incrementally embed in my daily life. I now refer to this list almost daily.
What I’ve learned in my sessions (these are taken from the notes I’ve jotted down in my phone):
1. I can re-wire my brain to change my inner belief system. It takes time, but I am making progress.
2. CBT is effective to put things into perspective. It helps rationalize and observe the situation.
3. What is the worst thing that can happen in any situation? Think of it, define it and realize it's not that bad.
4. My mind, thoughts and perception of a situation are the problem - not the person or situation itself. Someone else in the exact same situation would perceive and react differently based on their own perceptions.
5. Progress is based on small incremental improvements through various tools and exercises such as hypnosis, meditation, CBT and exposure. Like a jigsaw, all the pieces come together and I can effectively tackle my anxiety.
6. A 'so what' attitude is the attitude to have. So what if I fail, so what if something goes wrong? So what!?
7. I can embrace my awkwardness. Laugh at it and myself - don't take anxiety so seriously, no one else around me does.
8. I don't judge anyone else so harshly, so I shouldn't judge myself so harshly. If I see someone awkward or anxious I am empathetic - I don't negatively judge them. So why do I judge myself, and why would anyone judge me. Don't be so critical of myself or hold myself to a higher standard.
9. My inner dialogue defines my reality. Think positive, and be positive. Think confident, act confident and be confident.
10. Setting exposure goals and tracking them helps.
11. Writing thoughts and progress down helps solidify it in my mind.
12. Even when I have a bad day - don't be harsh - I am making progress.
13. If I diet for 3 weeks then binge one day. I haven't lost all progress for the other 20 days where I ate healthy. The same applies for anxiety. One bad experience does not negate the progress I have made.
14. Each day I am moving forward and improving.
15. Meditation is like weight loss. It's takes time to notice the work you've put in before you see results. Don't be disheartened and persevere. Each day I am improving.
16. As I improve, I notice I am more observant of my thoughts. When I have a thought which provokes a negative reaction (i.e a knot in my stomach) I catch myself questioning the thought and whether it is rationale in the context of the situation. I then stop (or attempt to stop) my thought and replace it with a more reasonable and rationale thought. This doesn't happen every time - I still go into autopilot from time to time, but I find more and more I am becoming more observant and intercepting my negative thoughts on a more regular basis.
My sessions have since ended, but I still go back and add to this list from time to time. Perhaps in sharing my list, it may be of benefit to someone else.
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self.Anxiety
|
I just exist Well, I think that I just fucked up my life. Spent full year doing almost nothing. I’m in a huge debts in my uni, still can’t get up from a bed and go there to start fixing my problems. Can’t do actually anything at all.
One day switches another, nothing happens, I don’t even feel interested in doing something, I can wake up and lay in a bed for a full day. I’m a fucking burden to my family, even my sister tells me, that I’m a complete disgrace and have achieved nothing in my 22 years, I agree.
It feels like I’m just not created for this life, it’s too hard for me to live this given life. And if suicide is for weak and cowards only, then yes, I am that coward.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What is the best way to commit suicide I'm tired of being alive and I just want to end my life, how do I do this swiftly.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My mom hates me My mom has been placing us in some form of family therapy lately, because she thinks that we have some problems at home. I agree but not the kind that she thinks.
At this therapy we sit down with a therapist and tell him all about what we think is wrong and what is good at home. The last time we were there she said that she wanted to start. She said that she had “lost hope” she didn’t believe the therapy could save us. Then she proceeded to say that the night before she had talked with my dad. She wanted a divorce. Not because of him, or that she didn’t love him, it was because she didn’t want to be near me anymore. I’m 13 now, and if they start talking some more about divorce, I’m killing myself before it’s too late.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My social anxiety is being mean to me today.. I don't know if anyone else does this, but I named my social anxiety Stacey.
Today Stacey made me feel like everyone was looking at me.
She made me self-conscious of my outfit and that I wasn't wearing any makeup. In my head she asked me "don't you think other people will think you look lazy, sloppy and tired?"
She made me run into someone at the grocery store because I was too anxious to speak up and say "excuse me" to a girl blocking the aisle who then turned around and bumped into me.
She made me almost miss class because I didn't want to be around other people. She made me stand outside of my classroom for a minute trying to breathe and calm down which made me late.
She made me anxious, thinking that one of my lab-mates dislikes me, when really she just didn't hear my question.
I really don't like you Stacey. I know you're part of me but sometimes I wish I could cut you off like an extra limb.
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self.Anxiety
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My last stand After a series of recent failures and victories I decided that I'm going to try to fix my life for and not hit 10 years of wanting to kill myself. I will try my hardest for this next year to become happy and get friends and become a person worthy of the love I'm told(but don't believe) I have from my coworker. I'm going to try my hardest in school and for my person this upcoming year. And if I don't win I'll kill myself knowing I tried my hardest to change this. I want to be happy I don't want to die pathetically. I don't care if life doesn't matter. I'll give it meaning. I won't let this be another little tiny boost of determination that I let fade away. I'll get better I know I will. I want to love myself and this world I live in. I won't ignore the people around me any longer I want to make them happy to. If you're going through troubles please try your hardest to improve yourself. I'll talk to you if you need encouragement I want to try to get everyone to work for a better self.(I wasn't sure if I should post here or not but I was pretty active here so I figured I should)
Sorry about sorta venting but I had to. Wish me luck.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Don't have the strength to tell someone, don't have the will to go on anymore So...here's a lil backstory before I begin, so you understand where I am a bit better. Telling the internet is better than nothing I guess.
I've had an eating disorder since I was 17-ish, and disordered eating before that for at least a few years. I've struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety issues since at least 7th grade. I used to self harm. I was in an abusive relationship a few years ago.
I've been living with my significant other (minus this summer) since the summer of 2016. At the end of March of last year (2017) I went to the hospital because I had attempted suicide. I was put in IP and then discharged in April when I said I felt better (I didn't, but they can't keep me forever). I moved in with some friends and "tried to start fresh". The two jobs I lined up didn't work out, one because the store closed and one because I had such bad anxiety about working and life. I attempted suicide again in the beginning of July. The next day I had my friends take me to the hospital. I met someone I began to work for and eventually moved in with, and skated by because I was smoking a TON of weed. I moved back in with my partner to support their anxiety/depression and so my friend could rent out the room I was staying in (I worked for my rent and they gave me a really low rate on it). That was in the very beginning of October- not much later that month I had another attempt. Again, I was hospitalized and put in IP. I sort of benefited from being there, but stupidly said I wanted to try being at home. I also had an attempt in November, but I was not put in IP for that because I felt like my partner would suffer if I went there. I get really compliant and afraid of acting up around people I don't know and being problematic gives me such bad anxiety (it's part of my c-ptsd), so...yeah. I felt so guilty for putting my partner through so much this year, I couldn't stand how much I was hurting them. Anyways, I got out of the hospital at the end of November and they hooked me up with some outpatient resources. I began therapy mid-December and just began a DBT skills class that meets once a week.
When I was younger (2009) I was hospitalized on and off for like 6 months with suicidal thoughts and attempts. I was diagnosed then with major depression with psychotic features. Recently, nobody will diagnose me other than with PTSD and anxiety. I just started a new dose of sertraline and started taking buspirone about two weeks ago, after meeting with my new psychiatrist for the first time. Also, I have fibromyalgia (dx'd in 2015?) and was treated for (chronic) lyme disease from 2009-2012.
Phew. Okay. Context out of the way. So...
I've never been very good at relying on the help of others. I always felt like I was bothering everyone and honestly, deep down, I'm afraid of upsetting others with my issues, non-compliance, and feelings. I feel like I'm a waste of time. I'm able to do a little here and there, laundry, dishes- when I really really need to. I'm not lazy, I make sure things get done properly when I do a task. I just...don't care. I don't care about anything. It's just getting worse and worse, in a way that doesn't even feel "worse"....it feels like nothing. I feel like nothing. I've suffered with disassociation and derealization before, but everything around me feels so inconsequential. The only thing keeping me tethered is my guilt. I feel so driven by guilt all the time, it makes me feel so bad and so anxious and that drives me to do things. I'm only still here because I feel guilty for abandoning my partner, leaving them to work through my death and their mental illness (they struggle with anxiety and a touch of depression) and to live the rest of their life without me, which they tell me all the time they don't want to live without me. They love me dearly but I just feel so guilty and terrible about everything I've ever done and see no real future for myself.
I'm supposed to rely on my "support network" when I feel suicidal (my partner, my therapist), but...what good is that, I think. "Hey I feel depressed and like dying" "Oh no...I love you. Why do you feel that way?" "Use your skills/it's just thoughts/distract yourself" None of those conversations seem appealing to me. If I could use my skills, I would be. If they were effective, I wouldn't have been suicidal all last year. I've learned DBT/CBT. Wearing the mask of "I'm trying to get better"...it's getting heavier by the day, by the minute. Ugh. I feel so awful for "trying" some days and not feeling like I can try other days. Nothing interests me, and trying to engage in "hobbies" feels...awful. I'm plagued with anxiety while doing things, about doing it right and perfectly (the only hobby I have is art). I'm just so, so tired, all the time. I'm honestly debating breaking up with my partner, maybe leaving them a note while they're sleeping and slipping off, and offing myself. I couldn't bear to try to do something with them around and have them find me in whatever state I end up in, successful or not. I'm pretty sure it would break them if I had an attempt, but honestly, I don't feel like I could hospitalize myself either, because that would leave them alone and they'd blame themselves and make them so sad. I can't handle those thoughts but it's getting harder and harder to handle myself. I don't want them to have to hold my hand all the time because they're scared I'll kill myself at any moment. They already tell me they're afraid to start working and leave me alone (they're a student who has been working at the school they attend but they're about to be finished).
*sigh* Thank you for listening. I don't know what to do.
TL;DR I don't know who to tell I'm suicidal, telling someone will make me feel worse, which ultimately makes everything else worse, but I'm afraid of mentally messing up my partner with an attempt/success or by telling them my thoughts and possibly seeking help.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing seems to make me happy. From a purely objective standpoint, my life is better than it's ever been at the moment. I have great friends who share my hobbies (but unfortunately cannot relate to me in this issue), I haven't gone a day without food in years, I haven't been subject to any physical abuse or anything. I can't seem to be happy.
I'm only twenty and I still live with my family. I've been taking care of my younger siblings (Both under 10) since they were both born since my mom didn't put in much effort and their dad never tried period, even before the two got a divorce. In the last year or so a lot has changed, my mom is happier and doing more for the children, and so I do much much less for the two than I ever used to. More often than not though whenever I'm asked to do anything I just respond with shouting or anger and I don't know why. I do less than maybe an hour of work around the house a day, and I hardly ever used to act like this when the situation was much much worse.
I'll set goals for myself to achieve, some of the stuff isn't easy. I play an MMO and pushed to get something maybe 5-10% of the playerbase can get, and succeeded, but even the day after the euphoria had all worn off and I went back to normal. Over the summer I could barely jog for 15 seconds straight and now I can make it around the neighborhood a whole lap and it doesn't feel like it matters.
Lately I've been spending more and more time in bed doing absolutely nothing because every time I achieve something I push for it feels meaningless, which is nothing like how I used to be. I still smile and laugh in the moment with friends, and sometimes I still fake an emotional reaction to keep up appearances which means on some level it is important to me, I just really wish I knew why it feels like it isn't.
I used to get happy from helping my friends with their own problems, but that doesn't do much for me anymore. I used to feel sympathy for them and sadness. I'm not trying to get cheesy and shit I just don't know how else to word it. But a couple months ago one of my friend's moms died and I struggled to help them out. I honestly got annoyed at one point with how often they were coming to me in the aftermath and I was more shocked and disgusted with myself that I felt that for even a moment when I couldn't help my friend with their genuine serious issue.
I lie in bed a lot really disgusted with who I am, but I don't know what to do to fix this. I've been trying to do things people have suggested like going out more or setting goals, writing things down on a calendar. For a while it wasn't hard to find the motivation to try and fix this but with such crappy results it feels like an uphill battle that I've made zero ground in. I'm angry and bitter and vengeful and I really just wish I could smile and give a shit about half the stuff my friends all seem to care about, and I can't. Instead I'm up at near four in the morning with a headache typing this out because it was one of the few things that felt better than just lying in bed. I don't think I have anything I hope to accomplish with this. I'm not expecting some sort of miracle reply that'll make everything better, I'm just getting desperate for something to work at all, even a little bit.
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self.depression
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work anxiety? or anxiety in general? hi all, i posted the same post on another group, and would wish to get more response, and i hope that since this group is more active, i could get more responses. thank you in advance to those who help me and responded to me:)
i am 17, and i am waiting for my academic results, and hence i decided to go find some part time job to work as i wait for my results to finalize and for me to proceed to (hopefully) higher education. but i now realize that i dread going to work, like i would cry at my work station, and i hate working more than i hate studying.
i was diagnosed anxiety, and i am taking atarax to control it, but i can better control it in school, as compared to at my workplace. and i am super depressed at work, more than i ever been in school. i couldn't control myself at work. and would constantly feel like trying.
i quit a couple of job, and found this one, expecting and hoping for it to be better, but it always feel the same, sad, depressed cannot wait to get home. i don't want to tell my parents, because my parents think that i am a millennial and all i know how to do is live off them, but i am trying my best to adapt to the new condition, but can't seem to do so. i want to job to stick, because it is a decent job with decent pay, but i just keep crying before coming to work and at work. i just broke down in front of my colleague just now, because i just couldn't take it anymore, and i ate a couple of atarax, more than my supposedly dosage, and still couldn't calm myself down.
and i am just hoping for the best and for myself to adapt to the job as soon as possible. i am working retail, any suggestions or idea as to how to cope with constant want to cry?
thank you!
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self.Anxiety
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Getting to school I really struggle with avoidance syndrome and skip school two days a week usually. Today I need to go to school since I have a concert at the end of the day that I can't play in unless I get to school. I want to play in the concert and I want to see my friends but I just can't get myself to open the door and leave. What would/do you guys do?
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self.Anxiety
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I hate my life, I feel like shit because I’m stupid I guess. There’s this girl I am friends with. I told her I liked her a while ago. She said she doesn’t date. I got over it. But we hooked up like a few weeks ago. Sex to her doesn’t mean anything. She feels no attachment so sex is just sex. Last night we were hanging out and she was talking to this dude from work sending him nudes and convinced him to come over after work and It just crushed me. Like I hated ever second of it. I still have knots in my stomach. Not because I like her but because I want to fuck her. I just want to fuck someone really and I can’t even get a tinder hooker to like me. It just really sucks that I’m ugly and unfuckable to most everyone except people who don’t have any sort of feelings for me or people I’m not attracted to. And it’s not like my standards are that high it’s just... I don’t even know anymore. I just hate this feeling and right now I just hate everything. If you read this far I’m sorry for being a waste of your time. But realistically nobody will care. It’s a running theme for me.
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self.offmychest
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How do i ask for help? I don't want depression because I don't want to be labeled, I don't want people thinking less of me or feel bad for me, I just want to get rid of this thing. I've had the same sinking feeling for months and it never ends. I just feel constantly numb, any advice?
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self.depression
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I can’t get my mind off of the fact I got my very first out-of school suspension and I’m gaining up so much anxiety over it.. I got the news yesterday after I got into a physical fight with a sorta-close friend of mine, and am not going to school when I come back from break, which is Tuesday. I don’t know why I’m worrying over it, it’s like what I always wanted; a day off from school for once. I had to talk to the vice principal, in which I completely broke down, and had to talk to my mom about it since she works at the school I go to. I know there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of but still, I can’t get my mind off of the fact I literally did. I’m going bowling with my girlfriend right now but that’s not even helping. Any tips to help move past from this?
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self.Anxiety
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Ran out of my prescription two days ago. Currently in bed terrified of everything but hoping I'll make it there tomorrow. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I and everyone else suspect that my dad is bipolar or BPD. Could anyone help me out? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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suicide is my choice Everyone who stop to analyze life begin to write their own suicide letter.
Nothing makes sense
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self.SuicideWatch
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Tried stepping out of my comfort zone, but starting to regret it now I applied for a customer service job to challenge myself.. in an attempt to overcome my crippling anxiety. However 2 days in, and I am starting to regret this decision. I feel like my employers and colleagues have expectations of me that I am failing to meet because of my anxiety. I don't know what to do.. I don't want to disappoint them by quitting but I feel like I am struggling so much.
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self.Anxiety
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i wanna kill myself but im too afraid i usually lurk and never post or do any activity but i have no one to go to, im so tired of all the crying, always being anxious and constantly feeling like shit and that im cursed and nothing will ever go my way, today my gf (1year) brokeup with me and blocked me everywhere right before my flight to her which we have been planing for for over a month because her mom found out about the whole thing(arab parents).
plus my family hates the living shit out of me for always being depressed and pissy not to mention changing majors after wasting two years in one major and now starting all over again, adding to losing everyone i know because of my depression and all around feeling that everyone hates me and a bunch of other shit.
im sorry i know this is really light compared to other posts here but i really have no one to tell this too and im really fucking sick of everything and i just wanna end it all but im too afraid to do it, i dont care if its gonna get better or not because no matter how good it will get it will only get worse like paying a debt for being happy or as if the universe will lose a chunk if i had something go my way for once(ik it sounds like im exaggerating but im really not)
im sorry again if i wasted your time reading this, thanks
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self.depression
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Why am I so insecure? There is this girl that shows obvious signs she likes me and I still can't believe it.I doubt she actually likes me.I think that even if she does I'm going to fuck it up anyway.I talked to friends and asked if thinking she could like me would be stupid and every single one said the exact opposite is true.Every single on of them told me she is definitely into me,but I still wake up every morning wondering if she does or not and I don't have the courage to ask her because it could ruin the nice time we have.
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self.depression
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Give me a good reason to stay alive. I'm grasping at long gone straws here. My life has fallen into despair and I can't do anything right. If someone can give me a REAL reason to stay alive I would love to here it, and no it "doesn't get better" it never has and never will.
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self.depression
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thinking about life the past few days and now I’m just really depressed I thought it was getting better but those days still come by [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don't know if I can ever get better. I don't know when, but a while back, my emotions were so painful that I hid them. To compensate I put up a fake mask so I could blend in with the world while feeling hollow. My behavior now is pushing people away from me which feeds into my greatest fear: abandonment. I feel constant shame, anxiety and fear just under the surface of my fake self.
I am a narcissist.
I was the golden child and my brother was the scapegoat in our family. Where he could do no right, I could do no wrong. In my parents eyes I was a trophy to be held up at family gatherings and awards ceremonies and left alone otherwise unless my brother and I got into fights. We acted up for the attention we needed. I didn't matter unless I was achieving. He didn't matter unless he was misbehaving.
Somewhere along the way I closed up. I couldn't feel like I was being abandoned anymore. I can't feel empathy anymore because if I could relate to other people I would have to be consciously aware that I have emotions, I am deeply scared, I am fearful and I am anxious.
I want to get better. I want to start with self-awareness but it is hard because I could lie to myself and delude myself very easily. I could try talk to my parents or my friends about it but they would be deeply hurt that I used them and I would end up abandoned. It's also hard for me to be vulnerable around others without faking it. I can't afford specialised counseling and anything less I wouldn't respond to because of my superiority complex. I don't have anyone I could trust. Not even myself.
I came to this revelation when I was talking to my brother about how he was feeling. He is struggling with addiction and admitted he didn't feel whole unless he was misbehaving. I realised that I was the same but with achievement.
If I can't empathise, I can't help the people around me or myself. My mother has dementia, my brother is struggling with addiction and my father is textbook co-dependent and I've been unconsciously taking advantage of that.
They say narcissists can't change unless they realise they have a problem. I've realised it. There is advice out there for narcissists but I can't hold myself accountable for following any of it. Maybe that's an excuse. I have nothing to lose trying.
If you love a narcissist, just know, they are probably not aware of it and they probably won't care if they are. If they do care, it's about themselves. They are scared of losing their narcissistic supply. I am.
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self.offmychest
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what to do when you hate therapy but can't get better by yourself? I've delt with depression, anxiety, self harm, and suicidal thoughts for most of my life. I've been inpatient a few times, outpatient twice and attempted suicide twice. I've been seeing a therapist the past few months and have years ago when I was still in high school. I really hate talking about stuff and despise therapy. I've also been on antidepressants the past 4 months and don't feel like they help. i honestly think antidepressants are bullshit placebos. I feel a lot better and not nearly as suicidal compared to a month ago but I still have one or two bad days a week. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I get really bad again. I just don't know what to do anymore because I hate everything that is supposed to help.
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self.depression
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This podcast, "The Hilarious World of Depression," is the best thing I've found all week. This ep in particular. [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’ve lost my identity So I’m pretty much just gliding through the days now. I mean, the entire day just passes by and I have no sense or awareness of the time. It seems like before I know it it’s 5am and time to repeat it over and over again. This has gone on for the past 7 months and has gotten progressively worse over time.
I’m not really sure what to do. My financial situation calls for me to stay at home with my two young kids while my fiancé works so most days I’m just trapped in here staring at the same four walls. My fiancé doesn’t understand me when I tell him that everything seems dull and grey. I know I sound like a whiny, sad sack of shit but I feel like I’m legitimately on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Is there anyone else in here who’s gone through this who is also a parent? Or just anyone who’s gone through this at all? It feels like I’ve lost my identity. I keep trying to remember things that I liked to do before I became a parent but I come up blank. I’ve even lost the ability to have normal social interactions. Like, I used to be very outgoing and pretty talkative but now it seems like when I’m at a social gathering I can’t find anything to talk about for the life of me. Then I end up just coming across really weird and desperate and socially awkward. I’m tired of everyone telling me “that’s the mom life and you just have to suck it up”. It doesn’t feel like every other mom or parent is feeling this way. I feel like I’m drowning.
Tl;dr- I’m a parent on the verge of a mental breakdown and I don’t know how to pull myself out of it
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self.depression
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Anyone else get constant mood swings? I find myself at times extremely angry, jealous, sad or even sometimes happy, sometimes all of this in a single day. One night I'm crying and preparing to kill myself, the next morning is like nothing has happened.
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self.depression
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How do you know if you have depression? Hi everyone, 19 year old female here.
I'm a second semester freshman. I get along well with my roommates and am very friendly to everyone, but I haven't made many friends. I don't have the energy to explain why, but I have made an enormous effort and haven't yielded much results.
I've lost interest in everything I care about. I used to be so ambitious, always cleaning my room. Now it's hard to get up off the couch. My boyfriend goes to school in another state, and even though I love him very much sometimes I feel so depressed I just feel like being reckless and breaking up with him. I don't know why, he's so supportive of me. He just doesn't understand depression or anxiety.
I feel alone in this world with little support, especially from family or friends. I feel as though everyone would be better off if I was dead. I don't care about anything anymore, and sometimes I feel empty with this horrible sinking feeling of sadness and hopelessness.
What should I do? I don't have health insurance, so I can't get antidepressants. I'm also broke. Should I see a counselor on campus? Could someone tell me everything is going to be okay? I feel like the world is caving in on me. I feel so empty and alone.
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self.depression
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How do I get a diagnosis I’ve been feeling depressed, I don’t want to elaborate too much but I’m too young to drive and I want to go to a doctor I don’t want to tell my parents yet is there any way I can get support this just started and I can feel it getting worse... I don’t want it to get worse so I feel I should try to catch this early
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self.depression
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dude fuck my life im fucked. I'm fucked I'm fucked I'm fucked. I dont know what to do. im over it mentally, but emotionally, the emotional discharge from whatever trauma I went through is still inside of me. its fucking lonely. the emotional block doesnt allow me to connect with people fully. it fucking sucks . I can't get fucking close to people without breaking down becsuse whenever I do the emotional block starts to get released. its so fucking annoying. I just want to he healed already. I just need a good long cry to wash all of this shit away. ive tried fucking everything. dont judge me, but reiki, acupuncture , emotion code , eft, shrooms, MDMA, talk therapy. NOTHING FUCKING WORKS. sometimes when I feel like someone gives a shit about me, I shed a few tears. some of it is released. only a tiny bit tho. that feelings fucking foreign to me. I'm practically a 22 year old fucking orphan with huge attachment issues. fuck child abuse. fucking hell fucking hell fuckijg fuck. fuck my life I cant keep living this way im gonna fuckig kms no lie. I need someone to help me. I need something. ive tried it all. fucking hell i know crying is taboo especially for guys but idc I need to so fucking badly someone fucking help me WTF DO I DO WHY DO ALL THERAPISTS NOT GIVE A FUCK
AYUASCHA? FASTING? WTF DO I DO
I WISH I COULD "MAN UP" BUT THIS SHIT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED I BARELY LEAVE MY FUCKING HOUSE
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self.offmychest
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Creatine users? So I'm newly diagnosed and a but intimidated posting on here so I figured I'd start with something small:
I've seen warnings more than once that creatine should be avoided for those with bipolar disorder; does anyone have any experience with this or know why it may be an issue?
Obviously I'll ask my physician before I use it regardless, but thanks for any info!
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self.bipolar
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I cant find anything enjoyable .. drinking is good [deleted]
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self.depression
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Anxiety and work. How the f*ck do you do it? How do you handle the pressure with an anxiety disorder? The work load, the boss or manager tightening the screws or yelling at you? Worrying if you are doing a good job or if you are capable of even doing the job?
How do you handle this with anxiety?
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self.Anxiety
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I feel like I’m just here to waste time, waiting for my life to come to an end. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I️ feel like an awful person I️ feel absolutely terrible about this and I️ needed to get I️t off my chest. I️m an 18F, I’ve been with 2 guys sexually. The first guy was very tall, skinny and lanky. We dated for awhile so that was all I️ really knew. The second guy was also tall, but he was a little heavier and had a little bit of a belly. After I️ had sex with him I️ cried for days thinking about his body. I️ couldn’t help it, I️t was just an intrusive thought that I️ couldn’t make go away. Part of the reason why I️ feel so awful is that I’ve struggled with body image issues, I️m not heavy but I️m curvier and also have a little weight on my stomach. Whoever I️ think about this sexual experience I️ feel physically sick and I️t messes me up for days. I️ts also getting in the way of me finding a relationship because I️m scared that the guys body will look like that. I️t sounds so shallow and I️ hate I️t and I️ don’t know what to do.
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self.offmychest
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I just wrote a suicide note and tried to hang myself. My heart aches, literaly. It's so uncomfortable to feel something like this, both emotionally and physically. I just don't want to be back at that phase where I just have to live every day feeling this exact same thing, without knowing when it's gonna stop.
I was doing fine, but the smallest situation just brought me back to a point where I just can't stand being alive. It hurts, and I don't know what to do, or where to run.
I wrote a note to my family, because I wanted to be clear, that the only one to blame about the situation was me, and not them. I was ready to hang myself, but then, two people texted me, out of nowhere. One was a friend that decided to go MIA for like a week, without telling anyone. The other one was the reason why I'm heartbroken right now. I took it as a sign, and I decided not to do it for now. I still have that ugly sensation.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Out in the cold School, work, relationships... I've broken everything in the span of a few days. My soul is shattered. Only thing left is to grab a razor and let my hands do their work. I'll wait in my car overnight and see what happens, so I don't bleed on the carpets.
Maybe I'll come out of this. Maybe I'll move past this. But I hope to hell I don't.
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self.SuicideWatch
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can't get out of a bad habit I have dealt with anxiety and depression since I was 13 -- I'm 21 now. Since then, I've developed an unhealthy habit of peeling the skin off both of my thumbs. The skin heals, I see the dead skin messily try to form over the fresh skin, and I peel it off. Very recently, after getting used to a new depression medication (it feels great, btw!), I've went to peeling the skin off of my feet as well. The heels have the toughest skin and it's satisfying to watch it come off.
The problem is it hurts. More than when I peel too much skin off of my thumbs. It becomes difficult to walk because I keep doing it when I feel the rough skin slide against my bed sheets. I haven't told anyone because I'm afraid of seeming weird in front of my doctor or friends.
I'd just like to know if there's anyone else who has a tick similar to mine. I want to break the habit but I haven't found anything as satisfying or calming as the hurtful one I have now.
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self.Anxiety
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You owe me money It has been 3 weeks since you said you would give me the money you owe me. It may not be that much but I keep on giving you more time and what do you do, just leave me on read/open in the group chat when I ask you about it. Common man we both agreed for yesterday for you to give me the money and you didn't even bring up that you had it or not. You have money for weed and new designer stuff whether it be fake or not but can't give me my money? Like really...
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self.offmychest
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A friend's friend just committed suicide... And while all the people are in the process of grief, wondering what the hell happened, why he had take that decision, here I am thinking "well, he was sick. His mind made him perceive things in a way he came to the conclusion that it was the best for him and others and stop caring enough to do it"... Or just is that the way I see things and I am projecting my feelings.
I wonder when will be my turn...
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self.depression
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Anyone up for a shower pact? Ive been sick and I look so gross and smell bad. I imagine there are others in need of a shower too! My body aches so Ill take a bath at some point with epsom salts for my all over body/bone aches.
Anyway, come join the fun. Get a bath or shower. Get clean. Bask in the glory!
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self.bipolar
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If you want to know what a depressed person feels like well you're in luck I think of myself as a horrible person. I've tried to keep myself happy but it just makes me worse. For example. The /r/SCP community hates me now, they think of me as cancer, I tried to have a laugh at /r/roastme but I ended up looking like a fool. I don't even have friend and it's the worst time too. Everyone now knows me as a freak and I was even featured in a video which turned out to be chaos. The video was about roasting and featured a roast of me that said "if I do will you still let me on your Christian minecraft server?" And now everyone at my school makes fun of me. I'm even physically hurt however the school doesn't give a fuck. I have an unstable relationship with my brother and I keep aggravating my mother and step father. I'm also fat and unattractive. I'm thinking of ending myself because I only hinder the human race. Tune in next week to learn more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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FUCKING FIREWORKS FUCKING PEOPLE. I hate humanity and want to die All these fucking people celebrating for no reason, setting off fireworks, and disturbing my life and depression. I hate other people. I am an outcast from society and everything about it pisses me off
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self.depression
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Wrote a little something This is somewhat of an early draft, and I'm not an experienced writer by any means, but here's a poem I wrote on the train today, reflecting on my past experiences with depression.
Dead Ocean
Loneliness.
That's what hurt the most.
Not the furious waves I dread to lash at my face
Nor the cold depths wrapping themselves around my chest
But the lack of connection.
Was it always like this?
Shoved by sea, I had not time
To dwell on my condition - every second must
Be spent fighting a losing battle to stay surfaced.
Each shake of discomfort brought no pain, but realised the chance
That something below lurks.
Was it always like this?
Perhaps it would be better
For me to drown here, lest I succumb to them.
Them, who toy with me, yet are ready to kill in an icy heartbeat
Though they feed on my corpse, I won't treat them with live prey
For my final act of dignity, I sink.
It was always like this.
A disturbance in the waves.
Splashing, not of nature, but of man
Between the defiant breaths of a noble stranger.
I turn away. There is no hope for me. I am doomed.
Yet they care too much, and I am forcefully yanked to the surface.
Why is it always like this?
My ocean of numbness
No - the sea that enslaved me,
Held others captive too.
And though we suffered terribly, we suffered together
And we did not drown.
I hope it is always like this.
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self.depression
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Only thing keeping me from commiting suicide is the fear of fucking it up I don't know how I would face people after if I failed. I would feel stupid.
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self.depression
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I am afraid. I have been pretty good for the last few days, for the only reason that a girl is interested by the piece of human crap I am.
I don't know what to do. I think I love her. But who knows? With the brain I have, everything can change in such a short time...
I am afraid of not being myself, I am afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of what I'm going to do if I get a girlfriend, I am afraid of hurting her, I am afraid of when I am going to hit low times again, and it might be very soon. I am afraid of what she will think when I do. I am afraid of myself, of what I'll do when I get back to those beloved suicidal thoughts.
What am i supposed to do? My best friend understands, I know he's right when he tells me to try to not think about it to keep it at bay, but it's not that simple. What can I do?
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self.depression
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Feeling too much too fast I know people talk about how depression saps you of the ability any emotion, and how it's like the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry or grass grow, but I don't see enough people talking about the depression days where you feel everything at once and it just gets too much. I'm having one of those today and I've wanted to cry, break something out of anger, jump for joy, and been bone dead exhausted in the past four hours and I just don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I almost miss the days where I'm allowed one (1) emotion and it's often just tired or sad.
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self.depression
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I should be happy... why do I feel like this? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don't think I can last much longer I'm going insane i just can't stop thinking of all the different ways I can kill myself. I can't stop thinking and there's only one way to stop thinking. I have to do it now. I can't hold back anymore I don't want to keep living. I'm sick of wanting to die every second of my conscious existence. Please just make me stop thinking. I want to be in peace. I can't do this I can't I can't I can't I can't just let me die now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I really can't stand my boyfriend's best friend They've been best friends for 6 years and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 so I have no bearing on their relationship (I wouldn't ever tell him to not be friends with someone anyway).
But this kid is just a poor influence , he's obnoxious , and he lies constantly . His jokes suck and are super super offensive , he literally lies compulsively every time he tells a story . He's the complete opposite of my boyfriend but when he comes around (which he just started doing again recently) all of a sudden my boyfriend acts the same way. I'm tired of hanging out with him but he stays like 5 days at a time at my boyfriends house .
I don't even want to imagine what our wedding will be like if he's the best man.
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self.offmychest
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I passed out during my presentation. I made a fool out of myself and I'm a college student. I always screw up during presentations. I just feel scared when doing them
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self.Anxiety
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Rant So here we go.
I've had many good phases and many bad phases. Currently going through a bad one.
I'm in college, doing something I love (computer science) but I'm struggling bad with productivity. Not only I can't study, but many times I can't even get myself to do the assignments the teachers send us. Heck, in some classes I can't even make myself pay attention.
It's also hard to work on personal projects. Everything just feels so energy demanding, I end up wondering if forcing myself into doing the task isn't only gonna create stress and result in a poorly done job. And so I end up not doing anything and feeling bad about it.
Also, these last days I've been waking up feeling bad and going through most of the day feeling bad and going to sleep feeling bad. Many times I suddenly feel like crying but I have this thing where I can't cry, no matter how much I need to. I don't even know if these are anxiety attacks or not.
But the main thing, the thing that worsens it all, is my existential anxiety. I question my own thoughts. All the time. I think about something, then I think about how my thoughts on it are probably wrong, then I analyze my thoughts on those thoughts, and it just keeps going. The layers of thinking just stack up indefinitely until I can't even remember what I was originally thinking about. That affects every aspect of my life.
When I read a post in this subreddit and want to try to help the person who posted, I end up overanalyzing my words and feeling unsure about what to comment.
To be honest, I'm not even sure I have real anxiety, because I question even the idea that this is anxiety. Maybe it's just a regular, natural "feeling bad" and it will pass? Maybe if I just suck it up and do stuff I'll feel better? I don't know, I feel like if I had time to rest from every responsibility, arrangemen, college test, I might be able to get back upon my feet. But there just is no time to breathe.
I'm not going through therapy right now, but I was until recently and was diagnosed with anxiety, and I had controlled it and stabilized it (good phase). Now it's back again. I think.
This is all just a rant. I felt I needed to write this. Thank you for your attention.
> tl;dr
I get in a loop of thinking about whether what I'm thinking is correct and end up being useless.
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self.Anxiety
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Schrodinger’s Cancer I’m waiting for the results of a biopsy. Waiting is the fucking WORST, not knowing if it’s cancer or not. Going through all the reasons it could or couldn’t be, feeling ridiculous for being paranoid one minute, and convinced it I’m doomed the next.I just hate the fact that I don’t KNOW.
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self.offmychest
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How sad is it that i bought a teddy bear for myself. I bought a big one so it can hold me when i cry.
Edit: thank you everyone, i don't feel so alone now. I hope everyone having nice holiday <3
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self.depression
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Struggling with low energy, mood, self harm, school, and gender identity I'm not doing well. I have days where I'm mostly fine but I've also been struggling with low mood and energy and nearly no motivation and I'm so behind with my school work. I started self harming again and I've been smoking a bit, only once or twice a week. Smoking does help my mood even into the next day.
I've recently realized I'm at least non-binary, leaning masculine, and possibly transgender. I'm heavily considering a low dose of testosterone and possible eventual top surgery. This itself doesn't bother me that much other than wow how did I not realize this earlier and my fear about my parents and family. I'm pretty damn sure they won't accept this. I want to come out after Christmas before I fly back here to school, but I'm worried.
So I've kind of got a lot going on and I don't know if I can pass all of my classes.
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self.bipolar
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I'm going to end it tonight! M/23 I have been in love with around 10 girls who all rejected me or didn't like me. I dated my 11 one which a had a big crush on, and we had a great date only to her rejected because she didn't like all the questions if where together. I can't live my life alone so it's better to end it. Goodbye world.
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self.SuicideWatch
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What the fuck is happening to me right now? I am very confused.
So last week I had a “normal” week in terms of bipolar swings, and on Friday, me and my therapist did some emdr work with some negative core beliefs and trauma related to them. It was really intense, but then this weekend I slept all weekend.
All I did was smoke weed and sleep.
And then I slept for about 3 hours last night, and woke up with lots of energy and kind of my hypomanic symptoms.
I go to an iop program and I had to sit on one of those bouncy yoga balls all day because I was very fidgety and high energy. The doctor there prescribed me seroquel, and Paxil. He hasn’t started treating me for bipolar2 yet because my diagnoses is really new, only like a couple months ago by a really shitty therapist and a really great psychiatrist.
Then this afternoon, I became very suicidal very quickly. Like writing suicide notes and setting everything up the way I want to die. Somehow, music, and crying, and fear got me through. I smoked some weed, and I feel a tiny bit more in control.
In the past, I’ve had ocd issues, especially surrounding death. And I’ve noticed my ocd can get worse when my mood comes up. But I’m in bed now, not as “manic”.
I just have no idea what’s happening. A mixed episode or maybe just my ocd drilling me into a corner?
And honestly, I’m not even sure my diagnoses is correct. I’ve been misdiagnosed so much. I have bipolar symptoms, that’s all I know.
( med history: I tried Lamictal and it made me go crazy “manic”. The most intense episode of manic symptoms I’ve ever experienced, and that’s as far as my experience with bipolar medicine has gotten.)
Any advice or words of wisdom?
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self.bipolar
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How much Benadryl syrup for anxiety? I've been reading about Benadryl helping some people with Anxiety. I have a 150mL Benadryl Syrup with 14mg Diphenhydramine for every 5mL. What does should I take for this purpose?
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self.Anxiety
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New to anxiety, please advise Okay so this is a long story but please bear with me as I could use your help.
Work for a small, small company. Actually it was my friend, me, and the owner. We work in his house and what started off great quickly turned sour. No health benefits and we have really shitty, shitty chairs. Because of these chairs I got back pain to the point where one day I couldn't walk. Then I saw a chiropractor for awhile. He adjusted my neck and I got whiplash a couple of times, I told him but he said let's do it one more time. I agreed cause my back was feeling much better. Did it again and I got vertigo. Okay vertigo is awful them I had to see an ENT twice. Scoured for an appointment too. Now these medical bills are racking up and I am supper stressed out about the job, bills, and my health. My head starts to throb all day everyday. I start thinking I'm gonna have a stroke or a brain issue. Got see PCP he can't tell me anything except do blood work and says if it keeps up he'll send me to a neurologist. That already sounds scary and expensive as well.
Headaches continue but I read that they could be tension headaches which are related to stress. They start to fade away. But at my job the boss as a toddler, adorable but will not stop crying. One week she cries non stop, from 9-5 relentless. I'm come in one morning and she's already crying, I start to have a panic attack, thinking about the bills, my health, my life, that it's only 9 and she's crying is this really going to be the whole day? My friend talks me down from panic attack.
I have a few episodes in the weeks following but walking, drinking water really helped me. It was kinda a thing of the past for a moment. All of a sudden I'm looking st my eye on Sunday and it looks crooked. I have a really bad eye so when onesppeared crooked I started to have a panic attack. Worse then ever before. I got dizzy and fell and busted my lip.
Then things at home get worse my wont stfu and its too much I have no one to tell who who would understand. Oh but wait my friend who works with me! Well we walk in one Monday morning and he gets fired for no reason.
So now it's just me in a house with a boss I hate and a crying baby. I try to find other jobs but it's a long process. All this made me severely depressed. Questioning life and living.
Also, I have this leftover anxiety now. Like in the mornings. Or even today I felt like something was wrong but really nothing is. Also the top of my head feels heavy and foggy. Well the right side does at least.
Please help. I want to go back to how I used to be.
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self.Anxiety
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Shit life I am 16 and have been playing an instrument for nearly 8 years and I feel like I have gotten nowhere in years. People tell me I am good but I can tell they’re lying. I’m not good at school, video games or anything. I am trying to look back at what I am good at and nothing seems to rise to the surface. I harm myself regularly. I wish I was someone else. There is nothing more I want than to kill myself. The world would be a much better place without me and I feel like people would forget everything I am/was in a flash. I have no clue what to do after school since I am complete shit at everything and my friends and parents are starting to expect how shit I am at everything. Life is bullshit. I just want to hide all the time. I’d much rather watch the world go by than experience the life I’m living. I want to blow people away with my talent, give something to brag about. Nothing ever turns out for me, not like it used to.
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self.depression
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Advice needed: I'm so calm, i'm a bit worried Calm about just killing myself. The only thing stopping me is friends and family (of course), but i'm strangely just...over it.
I've had depression and GAD for years...should i check myself in..or...just log it in my journal an take enough valium to passssss out?
currently on a bout 7X 5 mg valium and 8 X 0.25 clonazepam ( not high at all, just maintaining) also on ADD's
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else tug or pull on their facial hair or hair? I'm constantly playing with, picking, combing and tugging on my beard hair. I used to do the same thing with my bangs before I started to bald (Yay shitty genetics). Do you guys do this to, or have you done it in the past? I'd really like to stop, since it makes it hard to grow a beard. :x
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self.bipolar
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From 100 to 0 in a matter of days [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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How do I stop cringing and feeling embarrassed about everything I say to people? I can’t converse with anyone without analyzing how I performed afterwards and agonizing over everything I said. This just makes me even more anxious about the next conversation I have and makes me want to avoid people in the future because of how I “performed” in our last conversation.
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self.Anxiety
|
Depressed and don’t have anyone to talk to about it It occurs to me that I’m desperately short of actual close friends at the moment. I’m definitely in a depressive episode and I have nobody to talk to about or through it.
It’s not that I can’t make friends. I’m actually quite good at making new friends through my hobbies. The trouble is, none of these friends are local and we don’t really talk about anything but our shared activities, so there isn’t a real opportunity to get close. I don’t have coworkers either, so that route to friendship is out. About the only way I meet new people around here is through online dating, and while that nets me a new friend once every year or so, they don’t last - they tend to sever contact when they find someone to actually date. And that hasn’t worked out either for me.
The result is that I am in fact quite alone. I have nobody to talk to. My family live far away, but I can’t really talk to them anyway. So here I am with no idea what to do besides lay in bed wallowing.
I know I should get up and out. Take the dog for a walk, go Christmas shopping, maybe even take out the laptop and do some work, but I just can’t. About all I have energy for is watching Netflix and laying down.
Anyone want to chat and pretend to be friends for a while?
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self.bipolar
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Checking facebook on a Sunday should be a form of self-harm Why do I. Especially when I'm alone.
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self.depression
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Monitoring moods on an app Hi everyone!
I wanted to know what apps or other similar things you are using to monitor your ups and downs. I have tried emood for a little bit but I just don’t think it’s capturing whats going on. I’d love to give another one a try or suggestions of how I can make the most out of them.
Thanks
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self.bipolar
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I had a Cannabis induced psychotic break I don't even know where to begin. I smoked marijuana with a friend and had a horrible trip. I felt like I was in the dark place like from the movie Get Out. I was seeing things not from my eyes, but from an out of body experience. I feel like I'm a nervous wreck now. Am I really alive? Please, I don't want to stay like this. I want to go back to being normal. My girlfriend is overseas right now and not replying my texts and calls. I feel so alone.
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self.offmychest
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Has anyone actually ever really “gotten better”? I’ve been depressed my entire life. I think I was probably born depressed.
Does it ever. fucking. end?
I’ll go months being okay, and then months where I want to jump off a building. The older I get, the more exhausting it all is. The same circles I go through over and over and over, the irrationality, and the hopelessness of it all. Knowing how backwards it all is, but the inability to avoid it. It’s unbelievably draining.
Really, I just want to go to the brain store and return my broken one for a shiny new brain that might not make life such a living hell.
If I am going through this repeatedly abusive relationship with myself, what’s the point if it never ends? Why the fuck put myself through all this?
I don’t want to do therapy because I’m too fucking awkward and anxious about it all. I haven’t tried pills, again to anxious to tell a doctor that I’m fucking crazy. I know I should, I guess that’s the next step. Just hoped I could be normal and fix myself I guess.
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self.depression
|
I want to kill myself... To make my mother go insane. I used to believe I was a good person. Well, ok, not "good", but I knew there were worse people than me. Overall, I've never really been a good person. I am quite possibly the embodiment of all 7 of the deadly sins. I am fat, lazy as all hell, when i'm not treating myself like shit i'm bragging about how great I am, I get angry and take it out on other people, I act like a horny teenager all the time (granted I am 16, but that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things), and I just am an overall waste of human matter. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I fear hurting those I car about. But people have shown me several times that 1) they don't care about me and 2) I am hurting them more by living. But that isn't even the reason I am contemplating suicide again, for the 3rd time in my life. The reason I want to kill myself is to get revenge on my mother. My mom is an abusive woman. I won't go into details and drag on too long, but she is a terrible person. She is narcissistic, hypocritical, abusive, cruel, and unjust. I have attempted several times to reason with her, and even have physically fought with her, but nothing ever changes. Nothing will change. But, if I kill myself and use my death to guilt her, she will change, and I will be free from this burden of a life I have. (Note: I am not going to go through with this yet, I just wanted to know if I am a terrible person for thinking this, or if my depression is just getting the best of me again.)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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