text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
[Rant] I will not spend the rest of my life locked up or every year Months bouncing in and out of one. "Are you currently suicidal or have thoughts of harming yourself."
Yes I've been constantly suicidal ever since I was a teen. Not a day goes by where I don't want to kill myself. None of the 15 medications I've gone through helped. No I will not admit it, deal with it.
I've lied and told the doctors want they wanted to hear when I was locked up twice during my teen years. I will not become content and accept such an existence. I'd rather die than have to spend the rest of my life locked up. Legalize euthanasia already.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just want everyone to know something. As a suicidal person myself, somehow writing and reading subs like this are supposed to help me.
Honestly, it doesn't imo. I feel more depressed knowing that there are too many emotionally injured people that are in desperate need of healing. That's all we actually really want. It's not making me feel any better knowing that I am not alone in this. I dont wish that anyone feels the way I do. How am I supposed to really feel better knowing so many people are suffering?! How??
Are media outlets like this really the answer?
And I know writing is also uplifting sometimes, but I'm sure 9 out of 10 from you still feel miserable afterwards, even if you do get so many supportive comments and/or pms.
What is the last resort if medication, official help, suicide hotlines are not helping at all? WHAT IS THE ANSWER? Why isn't the world trying to be more supportive of mental issues and that it is a fucking fact that people simply burn out when life is getting too much to handle?
The ony thing I know is "the fight itself". Since mostly its other people that led us all feeling and behaving this way. If we were truly went through life alone, without knowing what other people can do to us. Would we still be feeling this way? Most suicidal/depressed stories I read or hear are about what other people did to us.
And honestly, sometimes I still have my fighters spirit within me and I am thinking, fuck it. If I die, they win. They win in life and death. I wont grant them both.
But when I come to the point that I just dont care anymore. That point right there is destroying me more than other people. Im too scared to kill myself, and even though the two people that raised me failed horribly as a parent, I am sure it would still kill them.
I am also trapped, dependent and worthless. I have become a failure in life and I only have ONE person in my life. I ditched and lost the rest. I ditched the abusive, selfish and epathic people. And the others just left me on my own. And of course I wish to just have more friends in my life.
I live together with my SO who is also having an extremely hard time. Is also depressed and our relationship took its strain nearly a year ago. But we are still together. Why? We ourself don't even know why. We are sometimes our worst enemy and other times our best friend and family. It doesn't even feel like a romanticly filled relationship, thats mostly gone. But its us against the world that is for sure.
And even he can be the final straw that I just can't go on anymore. But I am sure I am his also. Most people on the outside world will simply say. Your relationship is toxic and you should end it or fix yourself.
Who the fuck are you to say and judge? Most people can judge and advice so easily, because they havent been in extreme situations before. They haven't been on that other side of life where things can even be traumatic. And even if they did, its somehow that when they got out of it, that they suddenly know what you should do with the reason "I should have did it a long time ago but its still solid advice".
But I think that people that are suicidal are way past your solid advice. Its isnt a game where you can just post your best formulated comment or that you come over as the wisest person. No.. There is something missing what a suicidal person's needs. And I dont know if it is the same for anyone or that you already know what you need deep inside you and maybe its not getting what you need whats destroying you.
I honestly don't even know my point in this and I feel very emotional right now. But I am done with seeing and hearing the same shit over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again(see how annoying it can become?
I wish I could be a huge support for every single person out there. And it hurts me that most of the supportive words most people say, don't even have that much meaning anymore because they have been repeated many times before. Its like its losing its value right now.
Isnt there anything I or we can do? Anything new or whatever. People with mental issues are so alone yet there a thousand maybe millions of us? HOW IS THIS STILL AN UNCURABLE THING??
Please feel free to disagree btw. I know there are lot of voluntary institutes where people want to help and they get nothing in return. I've also been there and also volunteered. Its insane that you cant tell that suicidal or hurt person on the other line what you really feel and how much you feel for them. That they genuinly know that we arent just saying pre-instructed sentences. "Oh, I am sorry you feel this way." "Have you tried doing this or this?" (No because I am a lazy fucking person that just woke up and thought, wehlp today is the day to kill myself without doing anything to save myself first". Like honestly, we are humans and its our prime instinct to survive ffs. Imagine stepping to the "unhuman" side to just give up on living. Do you even know how far a person has to become to become like this?
But all those instructed conversations doesnt make the caller feel genuinly treated. You literally have to quote what the "book" says or you'll get fired. Don't you see that your answers make me feel even worse? Its like talking with AI instead of a human with real emotions.
I think this is becoming a rant so I will stop myself here. If you honestly just want to talk to me, ask me a question or just be friends in general. I am fucking here for you. I dont care who you are or how old you are. I AM HERE FOR YOU. Please know that I mean it. Talk to me.
I cant travel sadly, but if you are in Europe and just want to have someone to walk with or whatever? I AM HERE FOR YOU.
I am done with how guided everything is, and how everyone is supposed to act or say. I am really done with that shit. Its time to try other solutions to make people's lives make sense again.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So tired I have been struggling with depression since I was a kid, but only realized this a couple years ago. It really angers me that my family was so shitty that they didn't recognize something was wrong with me. I am pretty sure my depression is genetic (as most women in my family suffer from various mental illnesses) but I wonder if being completely neglected and abused emotionally throughout childhood, teen years, and young adulthood, just escalated the problem into what it is now.
My life sucks so hard right now. I am almost 30 and never had a relationship. It's not because I didn't want and most, not because I haven't tried... I just keep getting rejected over and over and over again and it is really making me hate myself. Am I that shitty that no one wants to see my for a second date? Or that it doesn't matter what I do (or don't do), no one will like me??
I know I am not worthless, but why is it that no one notices me? Why doesn't anyone like me or is even interested in getting to know me romantically? I am losing all my strength to continue fighting this uphill battle (I still have to figure out my career).
Another thing is that I read a lot of new age stuff and they all seem to say it's my fault for being in this situation. As if, if my vibration was right, I'd have what I want.
I'm not suicidal, but last week I went on a trip (which is something that usually energizes me) and I just felt desperate and lonely and had this deep sense that I just can't bother fighting for myself anymore. I am just, so, so tired. I don't know what to do to get myself out of this hole anymore.
|
self.depression
|
My life is a simulation The good ole simulation theory. The one topic that never seems to escape my mind, and drives me into an existitential crisis every time.
When you think about it, our lives are predetermined, even me writing this post is something that had to happen. We are bound by the atoms inside of us. We have no choice, and yet we're expected to ignore the cold hard truth and just go on with life. I find it funny when people say they've lost control of their lives and that's pushing them to suicide. But in the end we never had control to begin with.
What do you think?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
It's less that I want to die, and more that I don't want to be alive anymore I don't really know why I'm posting this but anyways, here it is. I'm a freshman in college right now, and for the first time in 5 years I have something resembling friends. But I know that when this year ends, that will end too. That I'm just going to be alone again, and this time I most likely won't make any friends, and I'll go back to where I was in high school, alone. And just the thought of that makes me cry. And it makes me just want to not be alive. To not feel any of these feelings anymore. To not feel loneliness or pain or anxiety or guilt or anything. To not feel like the worst piece of shit or that I annoy everyone I care about or that I don't deserve love or good things. I would Just be nothing. Like I'm asleep or something. I think that would be really nice. I can't of course because of the pain it would cause my dad, but it's still a nice thought.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Im out with some new people And I feel awful. Like the only people I know in the group of maybe 20 is my girlfriend and her best friend. I hate feeling so awkward fjekfkd. Is this just me being socially awkward?? I am just smiling to seem normal idk please help me I feel like dying.
|
self.depression
|
I hate group projects and my college I fukng hate college. I started not so long ago and it's already killing me. I always read on reddit how awful groups project were, and people complaining when they had one. Oh boy, you haven't seen my school. On top of my head i have around 12 different classes, and about 9 of those has for final assesement a group project. Yes, the final exam to pass those classes is a group project. We finished one of the biggest one yet which was a 35 pages long report on a subject. I hate my team. You know how most of the time on reddit, people are complaining about doing other people's work? Well here it's the opposite: they are all doing my work.
About 2 weeks before we had to finsh, our 'team' comes back alive and we start to finish it, since we started a bit late. I'm with a girl because we are working on the same chapter. One week before due date, she shows me her work and it's garbage, she is REALLY late on it ( I was almost finish) she asks me to help her, which I say yes ( only on a small section of the chapter because I don't have time) otherwise we wouldn't be done. About 3 days before the final date, most people are finished, and so is she ( she worked hard I admit and she did a good job) Now my part is finish, but it's written very badly: we all agreed that we would send our part to one member of our family to correct it, which my dad gladly agrees. For some reason, this girl decide to correct my part and keeps saying in our group chat how badly it's written and that she has to change everything. People take a look at my work and yes, there are mistakes everywhere and they start flipping me off, to which I respond that my dad will help me.
Anyway I am already on bad terms with everyone, so I propose that I put everything in Words when they asked who can do it because they don't really know how to: I hoped it would change our relation for the better.
It turns out me saying ' Yes I can try ' meant ' Yes, I will do it perfectly and I refuse anyone heping me' without going into details on how people sent me their parts really late (like 2 days before the due date) I'm struggling mostly with the references ( I don't really know how to say it in English sorry, but basically saying which article we used..) because I had to re read everyone works and the other documents (that are about 30 pages long) so I just ask them to give me a hand for just their parts (not hard, I was just asking them to re read their parts and tell me which documents belongs to them)
Big mistake, they refuse to help me and they start saying how it's not hard to do it (then do it yourself you fukngegge???!!) and how it's just the only thing i have to do, and that I should be giving them the final report perfect ready to print. I'm totally lost, we have to give the report after tomorrow and i'm struggling. One girl even insulted me which killed me: I felt so bad I just wanted to cry. She said she worked all night long and barely ate to finish my part (because you started working at the last moment, and by the way who asked you to correct my part you fukeuehjr??!) Everyone is behind her and against me, I was totally lost, I was even scared to write in the group chat
After struggling I give them back somewhat a final report save, to which I say they should check because I had probably forgotten a lot of things. Another girls take a look at it (bear in mind this girl had to work on the easiest part, which was about 2 pages long) and she says it's not good and that we should meet up or whatnot. I ask her what's wrong and it's minor things like one page that had her number wrong. I say I can easily fix this, and other people start reviewing it and ask me to change things I had forgotten. Ok well I do it. The girl send a screenshot of the table of content, where she had just changed the font and added a line, and everyone said 'waoh you are amazing great job' at this point I wanted to quit this school and slap everyone on my team. Anyway I change the things that had to be done and send them the copy, because I had to go to class. The other girl also screamed at me when she saw her part was wrong, but it was because she sent the wrong part. lol. Please keep in mind I was never angry against them, even when they insulted me, and trust me I was ready to throw the heat on her. I just said that I didn't want to get angry at each other so I just did what they tell me. Last night they had a whats app call to finish the report, and I didn't go because I was so scared, and honestly they probably didn't want me to be on this chat, but I felt so bad the whole day. I asked them one more time if they needed help and they said no.
This morning I saw they had finished and said 'well done guys' and I asked them if they wanted me to send it to the teacher. The dude who hadn't done *hit the whole project, expect giving his part and working an hour the day before, said ' no don't do anything, at least this is not too hard for you' Great, now I feel even more s*itter and I'm crying. I just said '... Thanks dude' and the girl said I shouldn't really be sarcastic right now. I said ' Like I said, I don't want each other to get angry at, so i'm just gonna shut the fuck up' to which he responded' very good choice' I hate my class, the subject are awful and I have no friends
I know I have made mistakes and i'm not all in the right, but why are people so mad, and why was reddit also right when they said group projects were awful
Sorry for the long post and my bad english, I'm probably not gonna care in a week but oh well, this is off my chest
|
self.offmychest
|
A chat with a stranger would be nice Anyone else wanna just vent about how fucked up things are sometimes with a total stranger without worrying about judgement? I've been on the downside of bipolar for the past few months, and would love to be able to talk to somebody about the shit I've gotten into because of it.
|
self.depression
|
Tomorrow Got someone on my family won't leave my alone. What I'm wondering is if there is a way to have them see it in Instagram without them following to confirm I die so they leave my family alone?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I (24M) discovered that I'm "the abuser" and told my (21F) girlfriend. She confirms some of what happened. I had no idea - and I need help. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I’m starting to believe my ocd thoughts please help [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety strikes again I'm having a tough day, and am anxious of the progress I have been making. I'm nervous I'm going to start regressing, and am having some depressive thoughts and my OCD is particularly bad these past couple days. Any thoughts or suggestions? I feel like I can't function today and am constantly worrying. My OCD makes even small tasks I do to try and ease the anxiety even worse.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Random shit with extra load of fuck you I don't really know how to start this text.
A small part of me wants out of this, but i cant really do that now can i. I've made a choice to die, i've lost the people who i once held so dear, the people who i "used" to get to therapy. If id go back id loose the years ive faced this "thing".
This is the best place to write this, no true target so no opinion influencing the text.
Its kinda funny, at the start therapy was just a thought in the back of my head, then it was a goal, i truly wanted out, then it was just pain until i got out(of therapy with lies) . When it came back to my mind it had been too long, all the connections, support etc gone so no chance. Then i decided id get that by stabbing myself, stood there with a knife touching my stomach for so long until i...i cant remember what was the reason, its embedded into my head just as the word "choice".
And now its just a no go. It's been way too long with way too many changes. My lifestyle and life in general is still the same as i never wanted that whole concept to change, it hurts yeah, but what wouldn't?
All of this is in my mind after all, cant get better if you dont really want to.
(There you go you bloody camper)
Goodnight.
|
self.depression
|
What exactly is a suicidal thought? Thinking about doing it is, I know.
What if I keep fantasizing about how it would impact people arround me, how long it would take to people to move on, thinking about it instead of planning, does it still count?
I don't think about doing it nearly as much as I think about what would happen if I did and I dont say this to the doc because I dont wanna sound suicidal
|
self.bipolar
|
To all those who suffer intimidation I experienced intimidation at school, and my story will undoubtedly be different from what you have read in the past.
Because I am psychopathic by definition - diagnosed by few psychiatrists - what I have learned from that encounter will help you see intimidation from a different perspective.
**The story**
When I was younger - in high school - two famous guys from the volleyball team tried to bully me.
They would laugh at anything I would do, and others followed; most are easily influenced because of a lack of critical ability, after all.
They cursed, started rumors, and shouted insults to make sure the others and I heard them.
**Indifference**
I have learned a lot from these episodes. I have watched them go through all kind of emotions, and it was easy to see they needed to fill a void.
My utter and complete indifference made it worse. I did not give the attention they were seeking so severely. I witnessed their behaviors toward me without any concerns; I was only interested in learning more about human interactions.
You can learn from every experience in your life, good or bad, only if you take the time - and the required energy - to interpret why the reasons the experiences happened.
**The crowd**
At that time, I expected they would go further with their intimidation - after all, they had not gotten what they wanted; and they did not disappoint.
The larger of the two guys got physical - he had to - words were useless. From my perspective, and judging from his facial expression, it seemed like he pushed me as hard as he possibly could. Then, my back hit the wall, and I fell on the floor right after.
What followed was phenomenal. Everyone that I could see from my vantage point stopped talking. They had that dramatic look in their eyes; they were eager to see how I would react.
Fantastic, because it was a real representation of how limited most humans are. What happened is unquestionably unacceptable in the eyes of the majority of people - and yet - only one person, out of almost fifty, reacted with what looked like genuine empathy.
The rest did not move an inch to help. They watched, anxiously awaiting what was going to happen next. Some out of fear, but the vast majority were just thrilled to witness a possible act of violence.
**You are in control**
What I have learned, and still find useful to this day, is that nearly everyone you encounter in your life is not worth your time, and even less so, your energy. Even if they're not, you need to be respectful with your entourage: it's a necessity to thrive in any society.
You are in control of who you accept in your inner circle; thus you have the courtesy of choosing wisely. From my experience, only one out of fifty should be considered investing your time with.
It was out of the question I would react the way they expected it - I had to see how they would respond if I didn't do anything. Thus, I got back on my feet and continued on my journey.
They didn't cross the line because I still had to learn. I required a code to make sure I could live socially - it is the interpretation of these experiences that would allow me to build its foundations.
That one person who stood out of the group, and who later explained everything to the authorities - made me realize she was worth investing the time.
**You are the strong one**
If you are bullied, feel intimidated, and/or rejected: it is imperative you realize, right now and from now on, you are the strong one. The ones who intimidate you would never be able to withstand - even for a second - what you are going through.
They are weak, and unlike you, they don't have the strength to control their most elementary feelings. It is fundamental to understand that very few people have the tenacity you possess. You have an attribute that makes everything achievable: self-control.
When you think about it, is there anything else you can control entirely besides yourself?
**The necessity to talk to someone**
It is useless to let these bullies intimidate you one more time. Use your strength, which very few possess, but you do. Remember to talk to someone about it. Take the time to look around you - it is mathematical - there is one person out of 50 in your entourage who will be worth your time, who is willing to listen to what you have to say, and who is going to stand up for you.
It is your responsibility to give that opportunity to that person. Use your strength to talk to someone and share how you feel; you will be surprised how much it will help.
You also have to acknowledge you are not alone. Others feel the same and are enduring the same situation. While all situations are different, inevitably, the solutions are all alike.
To those who intimidate, you are weak, and your actions are only a representation of your lack of confidence in yourself and a clear illustration of how low your self-esteem is.
One good start for you to display real strength - let's face it, you need it - is to apologize. If you still believe that intimidating others is a display of power, try the opposite.
**We want to hear your story**
You are all welcome, whoever and wherever you are, to share how you feel and what's on your mind with all of us, in a place where respect is fundamental.
|
self.depression
|
A small victory Today, I woke up on time and I attended classes. I haven't done this for a week and a half. But today I did it. I had told myself that I was going to do it but I nearly didn't. I looked at the time on my phone and saw that it was 10 minutes before class would begin. I resigned myself to the idea of missing again, set another alarm for an hour and a half from then, and closed my eyes. But I didn't let it happen. I got out of bed, put on clothes, brushed my teeth, and went to class. I was late, but I was just happy to have made it.
|
self.depression
|
Weird stuff you have believed - might be a tw for delusions or psychosis So I was diagnosed about 3 months ago and it's so weird to look back on things over the years and realize they were not real or normal. It's so crazy because now that I am medicated I can see so clearly and at the time these all felt like distinct events. Even later when I would look back I would sort of justify them in my mind.
Here are a few of mine... anyone else want to share?
Believed that if I was not afraid enough of the devil I would get possessed
Thought I could see the wall of a church expanding like it was going to open up
Thought if I talked about a ghost out loud it would try to scare me
Put coins in a dish to show the ghost I respected them
Felt attracted to a coworker and feared everyone in the office could read my mind
Thought someone in a hotel room across from mine was going out to kill someone because he walked out of the parking lot without getting into a car (?)
Felt like when I wore a bandana around my head none of the ills of society could touch me
Felt like if i didn't worry enough about the people in my life something would happen to them
Straight up saw a rabbit that wasn't there after not sleeping for 2 days
|
self.bipolar
|
Aaand the upswing finally kicks in... Watch "Korn - ADIDAS Uncensored" on YouTube
https://youtu.be/9lCKFk7ya3U
|
self.bipolar
|
Didn't sleep a wink all night and now trying to convince myself I'm not going to have a seizure/heart attack My night time anxiety has gotten really, really bad, to the point that I'm just not sleeping until I'm beyond exhausted. And now this morning I just feel so bad and panicky. Like I'm not breathing right and having skipped heartbeats (ectopic beats technically) and my brain might just malfunction totally. Any support/shared experience appreciated ☹
|
self.Anxiety
|
Feeling like I can't do anything right Ever since June of this year I feel like I've been going down hill. My girlfriend (long distance relationship) who I had been dating for 7 months broke up with me, and started dating one of my friends, then she lied told my group of friends online that I was keeping her nudes after we broke up, and since I had no proof of my innocence they all called me a monster and a horrible person and stopped talking with me. I should mention that he relationship was going downhill, arguing everyday, just not getting along etc. Still it brought me into this depressive state that I could just not get out of for months. The whole time I was seeking counseling, and while I think it helped me it just hasn't fixed anything if that makes sense.
This whole time I was trying to make new friends using steam, I met this person who catfished me and stole some money from me. Bummed me out but didn't really affect me all that much, then I met this other person on steam around the same time, long story short when I first met them they were a ligament person and then they gave their account to somebody, that person proceeded to catfish me as well. And just because of this I can't fucking put my trust in anyone anymore, it just hurts to much when I open up to people and they turn around lie and stab me in the back.
The last thing I want to say that just makes me feel like I can't do anything right, this girl I go to school with I asked her to this dance that was happening in November, she said yes to me. But when I got home I texted her and she said she couldn't go, at first she made up some excuse but then she came clean with me and told me that her parents want her to not have a boyfriend while she's in high school, but then she told me about this guy who I guess she's saving herself for when she get's out of highschool, this guy talked with her dad and I guess their gonna date when she get's out. Which just confuses me more as to why she agreed in the first place.
So anyways this isn't really well written, but I just need to vent about all of this
|
self.offmychest
|
At this point, the only thing I’m good at is fucking up my life. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Just cried my eyes out again. I miss my mom so much. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Today I disappear I'm going to disappear today. I'm going to drive into the mountains, leave my car on the side of the road like it broke down, and start walking. If anyone ever finds me I'll be unrecognizable. I'm going to text the few friends I have that I miss them, and I'm thinking about them. They're better off without me. Everyone is better off without me. I'll bury my ID, my phone, and anything else that can identify me.
It's not that I think I'll find any kind of happiness or relief. I know that I won't know what effect my disappearance will have on people. I know that it won't solve anything.
I won't have to live hating myself anymore. I won't have to exist feeling useless and worthless and unwanted and unloved. I know that It will just all be over. I don't contribute anything to society. I'm not essential at my job. my phone doesn't ring for days and the only people I talk to want me to do something for them. It will probably take a while for anyone to even notice I'm gone.
I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending that everything is ok. I can't keep putting on the happy front while I'm so lonely and miserable and empty.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I will never get over my ex Every single day, my first thought is about her and the fact that she no longer loves me, that she's moved on and wants nothing to do with me.
The only thought that brings me comfort any more is buying a gun, going over to her house, knocking on her door so I can see her perfect face one more time, then blowing my head off.
I cannot see a life for myself. Because the truth is I never had a life in the first place. I never had anything going for me except her. She was my whole world, my reason for being alive and now she's gone. I have nothing. I am nothing. I will only ever be nothing.
I will never get over her. I will never have a good life, I will never find happiness. I can't bear the pain of such a lonely and empty existence. I have nothing to look forward to, there is no love in my future, only solitude and darkness. Being alive has become too painful. I would give anything to be able to die quickly and painlessly to put an end to this pointless suffering. I never asked to be alive, I never asked for this pain. I want to go back to before I was born - no pain, no loneliness, just an infinity of nothing.
I don't even want to wait to get a gun. I can't be alive any more. Im just going to get drunk and hang myself in the bathroom with a couple towels. Housekeeping is supposed to be here in the morning but it should be impossible to resuscitate me by then. I hope someone takes care of my cat, whoever it is they can't possibly be worse than me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Im sorry for all the people I didn’t save and for all the people I could save I just want to say im sorry
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like a malfunctioning robot unable to assimilate myself with humanity. Nothing I do seems to be the correct way of doing things anymore. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I’m tired of being categorized as a “nice guy” [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone have tips for making sales w/o anxiety I dropped out of college due to anxiety and depression and have been working as a bank teller for a few months now so that I have something low-stress to spend my time on while I think about what I want to do with my life. And it’s been great! Everyone I work with is super nice and the bank isn’t too busy, so everything is usually pretty low-key. I’m at work rn actually, haven’t had anybody come in for an hour.
But but but
Now that I’m not super new anymore, my supervisor and manager expect me to do sales, and I even have a quota to meet. It’s not that bad, pretty much just one sale every other day, but man do I hate it. I’m in the drive-thru, which people go to when they want to spend as little time as possible at the bank, and people can barely understand me through the speaker system anyway.
I had less anxiety at my old job where I literally cold-called people. I think it’s because these people are at the bank because they have to be there, and can’t avoid me, so I feel guilty subjecting then to my sales talk. Especially my regulars. Whereas at my last job, the people I called could just hang up or not answer, and I had a script I could stick to.
Rambling over, any tips would be gr8
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know I would kill myself if I didn't have kids.
I think about it everyday.
I started meds recently, no help yet.
|
self.bipolar
|
Been getting better but today is tough I’ve been struggling with depression for a while. I don’t even know how long myself but things have been a lot better for me. I’ve been happier and stuff is finally going my way. Today however is still tough. I got a new job that I start on Monday, my best friend works there, as well as some other cool people I know. I’m in the best shape of my life and really proud of my body for the first time in my life. School is going better than it has in a good few years. I made the rep soccer team and am playing for both house and rep currently (rep is a higher league while house is for anybody who wants to play). But I still feel very lonely. I only have two real friends and they have their own lives and significant others etc. A lot of the time I have nobody to talk to or even interact with. I’m 16 years old, very fit (actually have some muscles going on now), I have some nice clothes that I think look really good on me I’m 6’1 and I would say I’m decently attractive. Yet no girl has ever shown interest in me. I know it shouldn’t matter and most of the time I don’t let it get to me but right now I just feel like there has to be something wrong with me. People don’t really talk to me and if they do it’s just casual conversation in class. I can’t seem to make friends and thinking about all the friends that left my life or just decided to ignore me and pretend I don’t exist when I thought we had something really good going crushes me. I’ve been really insecure in the past but recently my confidence has been very good. And honestly if I’m not feeling it “fake it till you make it” seems to work most of the time. When I’m not busy with school/working/whatever I tend to just sit at my desk and play video games. I would love to be outside hanging out with people because that’s what I enjoy the most but nobody really wants to hang out with me, I don’t know who to ask and literally nobody outside of my two real friends ever invite me to do things. One of them lives on the opposite side of town and so if I want to see them I have to bike about 45 minutes along the highway. My other friend lives close but is often busy with work and he has many other friends. I would like to tag along when he hangs out with a few people but most of the time he doesent let me because I’d be fifth or seventh wheeling. I understand where he’s coming from but it also still hurts a little to know he’s out having fun with some people I’m chill with and I’m just alone and miserable. Especially when I hear about how there were other people who ended up showing up anyways. He doesent fully understand how I feel. He’ll tell me to hit people up and talk to them or whatever but whenever I do I just get ignored or only get one word answers so no real conversation happens. I think people would really like me if they gave me the chance to get to know me. I’m at a point where I’m doing/have done everything I know of to improve myself and be more confident/put myself out there yet I still can’t seem to make any friends. When I do get to hang out with new people we seem to really have a good time but then they don’t really respond or end up hanging out again. I feel lonely and I just don’t know what to do about it. I just poured my feelings out into this rant and honestly it’s more for me than anyone reading it. But thank you anyways. Stay strong :)
|
self.depression
|
Have you ever been 302’ed? What was your experience? - TW [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
So there's this concert I wanna go see but I don't have any friends that that want to buy a ticket. I think I'll just go by myself and try to meet new people.
|
self.Anxiety
|
To tell my 14yr old daughter about my MDD or not to tell her? What would you do? Tell her? Preserve her innocence?
Have you gone through this?
She doesn't seem to be showing any signs of it, also doesn't seem to think I am suffering... Just assumes I have more migraines than I do.
|
self.depression
|
DAE suffer from chronic fidgeting/picking/nail biting? Hi everyone. I’ve been a chronically fidgety person since I was young. I’m 23 now. Always was a nail biter, but I’ve mostly kicked that habit. When I’m really stressed out though I tend to slip into these habits. I scratch my head so I’ve developed dandruff, I’ll bite around my fingernails, pick at my skin, etc. I know it’s gross and I’m very ashamed of all of it.
So if anyone has suggestions, or words of encouragement I’d appreciate it!
|
self.Anxiety
|
Feel like a hollow pin pricked egg... I feel like my mood stability is this fragile shell I am carrying around. If I trip or stumble I have to struggle to catch it and not let it hit the ground. Sometimes I don’t catch it. I hate having to be so careful. Anything I do has to include the consideration of its effect on my BP and comorbid illnesses. I am so sensitive to all the people around me. Their moods affect me deeply. I just hate this. Thanks for reading.
|
self.bipolar
|
I can't keep a friend to save my life Quick apology for posting here so often, I don't have much of an outlet otherwise.
I'm always the first one to message and I'm always the last one to reply. People get tired of me about as quickly as a child gets tired of a new toy. My desperate attempts to keep their attention are just straight up pathetic.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, I don't know why nobody seems to want to talk to me. I hate myself so much for being such an obnoxious, repulsive person.
Looking at the way I speak and type is cringeworthy, I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't seem to grasp how to be a likable, normal person, or at the very least not an annoying, unattractive, unfunny self-deprecating asshole.
I wish more than anything that I could just be someone else. If I didn't have my cat to take care of I would end it all in a heartbeat.
|
self.depression
|
Cold Turkey off of Escitalopram? (10mg) Guess this forum doesn't get much new content - a little ironic IMO:) Anyways, I had kind of a funny thing happen, I wonder if anyone has insight or a similar experience and thoughts: I've been on generic Lexapro for about 3 years now, originally prescribed for GAD, and mild co-morbid depression. The medication has helped me immensely. Over time however - while I have been making progress on my issues and condition, I feel like I've hit a dead end, but a naturally dead one. Not a brick wall, but maybe a fork in a road. Regardless, where I was once super vigilant and neurotic about regularly taking my meds, life changes and the like have maybe distracted me? And I just don't feel the need to wake up and pop a pill. Maybe I'm just lazy all of a sudden, I'm really not sure. Also, I should say that perhaps "Cold Turkey" is not the best way to describe what I've been/not doing: forgetting to regularly take pill, not taking pill, feeling weird about not taking pill, occasionally and randomly popping pill to alleviate said weirdness - repeat. My Anxiety hasn't really surged or plummeted, I feel pretty meh about the whole thing. It's been about a month of this and no horrible physical withdrawal affects or anything....I'm a bit confused since I don't really feel like anything substantial has changed enough to warrant going off of medication - when such a substantial need prescribed them. I also feel like I should say that I have a huge amount of anxiety even admitting this. I feel kind of ashamed. Has anyone just quit taking Antidepressants without weaning off of them incrementally? and if so, to what affect? If you did incrementally wean off, how was your withdrawal period if applicable? Have you gone off meds just to find yourself back on them after a time being? How is that? these are all things I'm wondering. (And yes - I have a GP and I do consult but its a long wind-y path back to the original prescribing Dr. so what I get is a bit of lip service and the usual regurgitated manufacturers advice about weaning off in intervals, etc. I'm not at all frightened, just a bit perplexed...)
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm never going to see you again.... I wasn't planning on going out. And I **definitely** wasn't planning on meeting anyone. But my buddy had been spit on over a black friday deal while he was working so I went.
While waiting to order a drink, you ran to me and said "blahblahblah1945! Are you gonna sing again?" I had no idea who you were. Apparently you remembered me from karaoke at a different bar the previous night.
You overheard me talking to my friends. I was self-deprecating and being miserable and you pulled me aside to tell me how special you thought I was. How I needed to be confident and own my personality.
We kissed. We danced (I've had two girlfriends who hated that I never danced but I legitimately wanted to with you). You stole your friend's keys and we tore at each other like animals in the back of her car.
I remember your favorite colour, movie, tv show, book, why you truly hate the taste of vodka, and so much more. So much information in my head. You were the love of my life for Friday night only.
But you were leaving the state the next day...probably never to come back. You refused to give your last name or phone number. You said you would want to talk to me every day and that would make you miserable, I agreed. I know it was one night...but you're the one that got away. And I miss you.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm overly concerned that reddit comments/posts misinform millions of people [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just wanna sleep I am tired of thinking, moving, coming, going, crying, laughing, everything I want to just STOP!!! I am always the one everyone always come to for learning and guidance. When it is my turn they always say the same ole same ole"It'll get better", "We all are going through things". Living with this monster is not easy and I wish it would go away. I want to stop existing and be be gone. Then i think about everything and everyone that I would leave behind. I don't even know who i am at times.... I am closer and closer to the edge of either going asleep or going away
|
self.depression
|
Getting this off my chest. I'm writing this as midnight creeps on me on a night where I should be sleeping early, but I keep thinking and thinking and I'm hitting a low right now.
In my close family, no one takes my depression seriously. My mother, who herself was depressive, has for only advice to me "to get over it and work on myself". My father invalidates my feelings by telling me "everyone is sad/stressed and they still do what they have to". My aunt tells me not to think about it. With so little support, with each of them eyeing me like I'm a freak or a lunatic, it feels so... heavy. All those feelings I can only vent out in words to friends online. I don't have many friends IRL and I don't see them anyway, with college and moving out and all the adult stuff.
I don't know anymore. With the way they react, I feel like a spoiled, selfish and lazy brat just looking for excuses. But I keep telling them, reminding them, that if it weren't for my medication, I'd be constantly sobbing over the slightest thing (found out when accidentally skipping a day of medication and it was such a horrible day to go through).
I failed to have a stable university life due to my depression, anxiety, feeling like I'd never achieve anything or please my family. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone who cares for me. Hell, I am an only child now only by technicality because my older brother has died in a car accident 5 years ago. My parents don't tell me this stuff but I'm so sure that they're putting all of their expectations onto me as I'm the only thing they have left. They want me to have kids, a significant other, a future-- But how can I do any of this when my ideal tomorrow is one where I'm dead?
I feel so much guilt for even having those kind of thoughts, because I saw the way my parents were simply broken when my brother died. I would rather live in constant pain and torment than see them in such a state again. Knowing how unassertive and just... empty I am, I am going to end up living a life of disappointment where I'll never achieve anything or make any of my dreams come true. How could I do anything else? I cannot support myself and build confidence, and everytime I get positivity my way it's because I asked for it.
Is it... So wrong to want to feel loved and validated without feeling like you've coerced someone into expressing their feelings? Because then I only feel guilty and doubtful. I feel like they're only saying things I want to hear to please me so I leave everyone alone.
Really, every single feeling I experience and every thought I dare have leave me feeling so much guilt and anxiety. I want to turn off my brain and emotions. It's too much.
|
self.depression
|
Sometimes I want to kill myself as a revenge against everyone. My mom has lately been telling me how sick and tired she is of me. Telling me that I’ll never make it in life if I have to depend on people and threatens to hit me and loves to belittle me.
(Note: I have been diagnosed with learning disorders, cognitive issues, and severe anxiety by my therapist and multiple doctors)
My family members use me as a way to get out of the house. They don’t really care about me even when I try to support them. They completely ignore them and don’t even thank me. I was sexually abused by a family member.
I told my parents 3 TIMES and they completely ignored me and never took it seriously, however when my sister told them they went straight to the police and reported it...
My sister has her boyfriend she doesn’t spend time with me anymore yeah I understand that she has to spend time with him but our relationship has been disappearing... It’s not the same anymore, she’s different.
My best friend uses me as her therapist. I mean I get if she wants to talk to me and get something off her chest but she’s only available when she’s depressed... Whenever I needed someone to talk to and went to her she completely ignores me and doesn’t care about what I say... I don’t even think she really cares about me..
I’m so tired... I just want to disappear for life.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Grief is weird I looked up local private mental health services on my iPhone for a friend the day before he took his own life, back in June. I never closed the window, it was always there somewhere behind all the other windows I opened.
I just changed my SIM over to a new phone yesterday, and today while googling something else I realised that all my old windows had, of course, closed.
It’s such a small thing and so insignificant but wow was I not ready for that
|
self.offmychest
|
So deeply, incredibly lonely as everyone around us loves and laughs. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Hewlp suicidal thought. As per title . I been emotionally depress since 2 year and a half ago.
I am currently in my 2nd year as of a university student. My enrollment was not toward my interest , my parent talk me into this courses "degree in science of statistic" . In my pre-university(A-level) I am an overachiever which got me an offer of scholarship from a bank to undertake the course which latter my parent talk me into.Even before my pre-university studies , I was planing to undertake MBBS. However due to my family financial , I head to my parent request. The past two year I keep telling my self "it ok , just a couple of year in detour then you're back on your road again.".But it now falling apart,not only that I see my age is increasing, the scholarship that I undertook requires me to keep a minimum of CGPA 3.50 . Sadly math is not my forte , but rather fall into the average . Every now and then I having the though of having CGPA lower then 3.50 which will further burden my parent (which I really wish not too and the main reason I undertook the scholarship). This throw me into a void of thinking it better for me not to be here, I am just a burden to all the people around me.Lately I having the though of jumping down from the 4th floor of the hostel. Have I wasted my life goal in just one signature(the scholarship agreement) ? Where am I heading to ? What is life where you steer it the way you don't want it to be? ....
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Advice? Due to my poor planning, I’m low on lithium. I’m not able to see my psychiatrist until the 22nd and will go four days without my normal dosage.
Would you guys recommend taking half of my normal dose each night so that I don’t run out? I also plan on taking it easy and getting lots of rest so that I hopefully don’t end up dealing with mania. Thanks in advance ♥️ hugs
|
self.bipolar
|
I want to die because I find how most people absolutely Batshit crazy. I really find most people irrational.
The biggest part of why I find people irrational is how they identify problems. People will be very confident of what they think the problem Is, but usually are just wrong.
People will label things that are simple as a problem.
These people never sit back and think "what if the problem was actually complicated and took complex thought"
I sware people label anything complex as devil status.
People are afraid of what they don't understand so they simplify it. Even though simplifying it doesn't get rid of critical problems.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Who else here diagnosed with BP is a victim of CSA (child sex abuse)? I am and i'm wondering if this is something that a lot of people here also went through or if it's just an unassociated trauma
|
self.bipolar
|
Overthinking or over empathizing to the point where I don't know what to do [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
What helps when your stomach ties up in knots? This is the most frequent way my anxiety manifests itself and it lasts for hours. It's exhausting, any advice, fellow Redditors? :(
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know what to do- please advise Tldr; in a state away from my pdoc and therapist, with shit tier psychiatric hospitals, experiencing worsening psychotic symptoms, and parents who don't want to take me to the ER. Have option of being surrounded by people, one of which knows everything and is a good support system.
I've been experiencing on and off mild paranoia, auditory visual and "spiritual/6th sense" hallucinations, and "non consensual mind reading" and conversations in my head that I don't control or even necessarily participate in.
This has steadily been getting worse, initially these things only happen at night, first near sleep, then after meds (including Seroquel) but still active, now even during the day or night before meds. It's been happening pretty much since the end of my last episode (so did it ever really end)?
This part week has been increasing intensity, I'm really stressed out because I'm home for the holidays and my pdoc believes this is all due to stress. My therapist believes I'm manic. I don't know what to believe because I haven't been experiencing any manic symptoms except occasionally (but usually caused by reasonable things) not sleeping enough or having a hard time falling asleep even after 600 mg of Seroquel and worsening short term memory, which could just be a side effect.
Last night was terrifying. As I was driving I kept seeing faces in the cars and they felt malicious, I made it home safely but kept seeing malice in my stuffed animals and a book cover. I tried to get to bed early but my sense of touch was hypersensitive, there were conversations in my head, I was seeing weird distortions like red light without a source. I had spoken with my therapist after getting home and they told me to go to the ER but my parents weren't buying it. I spoke with a clinician on call and they worked out a plan with me where I would go forward with my weekend plans which involve me staying out a few nights in a row, but also being surrounded by people 24/7 who are better at these things than my parents.
I don't know what to do, if being around people will be enough (keeping in mind that it is a two hour drive to civilization) or if I should just go to the ER. I'm feeling a lot better now after a few hours of sleep, and these things happen for moments at a time.
|
self.bipolar
|
I just don't know how much longer I can do this. So, this is my third time posting in this forum, and hopefully my last.
I just don't know what to do. I haven't done for so long, and nothing feels real anymore. Even as I stare into my screen writing this post, I don't feel real, and the keyboard I'm typing this with doesn't feel real either. There's no physical connection.
I've been suffering with depression for around ten years now. I tried anti-depressants around 5 years ago, and counselling around a year after that. Nothing worked, and I still feel like there is nothing around me.
I was diagnosed with depersonalization around two years ago. That has to be one of the most difficult things I think I will ever have to deal with. Focusing is such an incredibly hard thing to do, and I have no idea what it's like to imagine the future, or anything around you.
So I'm 21, and I'm currently studying in University. I hate it here, I hated it the first year but whenever I wanted to give up my family told me to keep going, and I've only gotten worse. I'm awful at the subject I'm studying, and I'm probably not going to pass this year. Nothing has gotten easier, and I don't feel like it ever will. I feel like I've left this depression for far too long and now there's no way out other than to end it myself.
I've written multiple suicide notes, but I've never been able to bring myself to do it. In the past three months I got into a relationship with a girl I've known for years, she's one of the only people that knows that behind closed doors I'm not doing well, but she and nobody else has any idea to what extent it is.
I don't know what to do. Every minute I'm awake all I can think about is not being here anymore. Not having to deal with the pain, the anxiety of simply being alive. I can't put it into words, but I lay in bed crying so many nights with no help and no solution, drowning myself until I inevitably pass out.
I feel like if I was to die and make it look like an accident or a murder, would be the only way to take the grief off of the people who will miss me. I mean the world to my girlfriend, and I can't imagine what she'd do if I died. She's been interested in me for over two years but only just had the courage to say anything recently, she's had no interest in anybody else.
I just wish I never existed. Existence is far too much for me, and I just don't want to be here. I want to make my girlfriend and family happy, but I won't do that by failing University, losing my job and living with no money, no aspirations and a gradually declining strength to even get up in the morning.
I understand this is a lot to read, and I'm not expecting anybody to respond. Honestly, I don't know whether I'm going to die tomorrow or in 60 years due to cancer or some kind of terminal illness, but I know that regardless of the time I'm still breathing it'll be time that I'm never going to know what it's like to be happy, to truly exist and to live a life like anybody else.
I'm just sorry for everything, I don't want to be here anymore. I hate myself.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
In such a dark place right now I’m not really sure why I’m writing this or what I hope will come of it. I guess I just need some reassurance that someone ~somewhere~ out there is listening, and may be able to relate to what I’m going through.
I’ve struggled with mild depression for a few years now, but lately my thoughts have spiraled completely out of control. I’ve honestly never felt this hopelessly lost in my entire life.
A few nights ago it got so bad that I decided to draft a suicide letter to my family. Deep down I didn’t have the intention of actually sending it at the time or causing myself immediate harm, but for some reason I wrote it anyways. I just sat in front of my computer screen crying at how pathetic I was. I couldn’t stop thinking about how worthless and selfish I’d be for wasting all the money my parent spent raising me, and the unbearable thought of causing them any pain.
Since that night, I find myself fantasizing about taking my own life. And sometimes the fantasizing starts to feel more like actual planning. *This scares the shit out of me.*
I’m trying my best to take things day by day, but I can’t shake this terrifying feeling in my heart. Like my time in life is slowly coming to an end. Like my days are actually quite numbered.
I do fear death. but I just don’t know. I’m so lost.
|
self.depression
|
Crazy Hypermanic states So I am nearing a point where I am going to peak into a hyper manic state and I was wondering what everyone does to lessen the damage or even to try and diminish the levels that you reach during it. While I enjoy being hyper manic my body gets totally destroyed due to only an avg of 2 hours of sleep during it along with my ability to make sound decisions.
|
self.bipolar
|
About to flunk uni again At age 25 I'm at my 3rd year - and I've never taken a year off. Had to take an extra highschool year and flunked three years away from my life already. Now it's happening again - social anxiety at school makes it hard to attend and I fall behind. I really don't know what to do, suicide becomes more and more tempting..
|
self.depression
|
I should have been a fucking adult for you. I was 21, you were a senior in high school. Your parents kinda knew me as a piot smoker and your dad kinda had a thing against me. I already wanted to stop smoking, I should have gone all the way and stopped. I should have wanted to wait to date you until I could look your parents in the eyes and say I don't smoke weed anymore.
I also should have learned to drive and been a fucking man. It's pathetic enough that I didn't know how to, I should have wanted to learn instead of being scared. And ultimately the goddamn reason for that is that I was baked all the time. All I needed to do is want to fucking better myself for you.. and instead all ih did was want sex and rush it because we were dating. I asked you out after two fucking weeks.. I should have waited until you were out of high school.
I turned into such a shithead over the summer. I pushed you away and fucked everything up with two stupid drunk nights. Then I felt super bad and got clingy after those nights and fucked it all way up. I know that we could have been better than this. I could have been a man and learned to drive for you, been able to pick you up for dates... how pathetic of me. I can't help but fucking HATE myself, all I wanted to do was cuddle and watch movies and usually wouod escalate it to sex. We did it so much.. we even had matching sexual stuff but we just did it all way too fast.
If I was just a fucking adult... waited longer to date and have sex, wantes to fix myself... I'm going into my last year of college dammit, i should have been able to stop smoking. I should have been able to not be influenced so much by people and fucking wanted to goddamn drive. Instead I acted like I was your age again.. the fuck was wrong with me. I even knew to wait longer to date i just wanted you to be my girlfriend so damn bad. I took advantage of your lust, or at least that's how I feel... I knew dating would out pressure for sex and I think subconsciously that's why i asked you out so soon... I had my external reasons, I k new I wanted to date you and we talked a lot and everything.. but still, 2 weeks. It could have at least been a conversation. At that point we juat knew we wanted to date, we didn't know we wanted to be together. I'm so fucking mad at myself.. I could have had it all. If you wouldn't have had tk drive back to see me for college, it would've been fine.. I did start driving at the end of the summer but it was too late. Im just disgusted with nyself. And now I have to improve myself for my own good and I hate it.
I should have been a man. I dated you out of lust not love, and pushed that lust to the extreme. It made us text every day too and that was just unnecessary. Things ultimately burnt up so fast and I know they could have fucking been great. I feel so goddamn terribke about everything, Sarah. I should have wanted to drive because of you going away.. god fucking dammit.
Not to mention, granted how nervous you were and still a virgin, with some extra nervousness because to your dicey past, we should have waited longer to do stuff.. but I had to be a stupid horny guy and want it all, and too fast. I even thought to myself to say that I want to wait and do things right when we were hanging out that day. I just didnt.. I literally asked you out out of complete lust, it was even like right in the middle of kissing and cuddling. I should have known to wait longer.. I hate that I had to rush it. I literally didn't want to wait for sex and I think that's what it comes down to.. I feel fucking disgusted with myself. I feel like I took advantage of you because you trusted me too nuch. I'm so fucking sorry, oh my god.. now you're going to be even more afraid. I wanted sex so much, and even got mad one night because if didn't haoorn-- we were trying but just couldn't get it in. I wasn't mad at you, but punching the bed made it felt that way... I was just way too horny of a guy. It also sucks because I coukd have hooked up with that black girl before we got together. I could have been doing things with her, while getting to know you. Instead I didn't because I fucking chickened out... things would have been perfect in that case I think. Instead I oussied out of a hook up even though she could have taught me how to truly use my dick, as I'm still unable to do missionary.. and things could have been fine. I would have had a bit if conflict and a reason to wait to date, and maybe even more of a reason to want to drive. I was just a, piece of shit horny scardey cat. I fucking hate myself for everything.
I should have changed mhself for you.. not forced you too change and be sexual. I didn't need sex to be happy. I feel like such a piece of shit for doing that when you've already had guys make you feel bad and uncomfortable. Esoecially for when we did stuff when drunk. You always felt comfortable and safe with me..
|
self.offmychest
|
This feels like a wave I can't swim out of I honestly don't know what happened to me. It hit me like a truck. It ruined a 3-year relationship. I feel like every day is an uphill battle to just scrape by, and I feel like I'm losing. I feel like a shell of the person I once was and honestly can't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. The worst part is that I get these really strong waves of it. Anywhere, anytime. I suddenly become overwhelmed with feelings of desolation and hopelessness. The sinking feeling in my chest...holding back the tears...the feeling that my brain has been put in a blender... sometimes it feels like more than I can handle. If it's in public or at work, I try my hardest to not break down in front of people. The isolation is making things worse. Most of my time on campus and at work is spent alone. I feel so pathetic checking my social media and gaming accounts to see if anyone has messaged me. I want to get help but, my university makes the process less private than I'd like it. I don't want my name written down or logged anywhere and I definitely don't want to be seen standing in front of a sign that says "Mental Health Services". I just want to be happy again.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else have occasional “bounce-backs” ? All during finals and the last 3 week before finals I completely went hermit mode. I only interacted with people when I had to and while my focus was completely absent I tried as much as I could to grind out studying for my finals and did what work I had to do for classes as final projects and tests were wrapping up.
I went from daily ideation to having some determination to get back into my daily gym routine, sell my pos car to get a better one, and maybe... just maybe, put my self-loathing aside and meet someone new.
Idk where it came from but as I’m about to leave for home tomorrow i feel motivsted enough to get back into a (physically) healthy routine. Not sure how much it will help with whatever is going on in my head but it’s a step forward. I know this isn’t permanent and I feel like I just have to dive into it as fast as I can before this motivation goes away.
Has anyone else experienced something like this before?
|
self.depression
|
Having trouble with disturbing thoughts about suicide. Not to alarm anyone as this is not an impulsive thing, nor is it emotional. At least at the moment...
I have been thinking greatly over time... with all the suffering in this world... the hardship it takes just to SURVIVE let alone have a nice life, how everything is destructive and manipulative in nature, how everything wants to EAT you physically and metaphorically....
It feels as though this universe is almost "evil" in a way... so I had a thought that what if this universe or planet IS hell? What if the best thing to do to go elsewhere in a place of less suffering is suicide?
I know there are good people yes, but are they really good or only being good because that gives them good feelings (gaining dopamine in the brain speaking simply), but what about all the non-people evil things like animals virus bacteria.... disease like cancer... so much pain and suffering. All organisms just want to impulsively eat and collect resources to further propagate the suffering. What if this is simply corrupt? The only way out is to die and not come back? Not reincarnate (if thats what happens at least....)? What if I as a soul (if that exists) was tricked or something to coming into this suffering prison which is this soggy meaty human body?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I just don't know what to do anymore I have always loved my little brother. Family has always been important to me. But lately it has been really hard to get along with him. He's very selfish, he only thinks about himself. I help him so much that it has landed me in trouble. So a week ago I asked for his help. Nothing big, just take my parents cats (2) for the rest of the month so I don't have to travel each morning and evening to feed them (I can't take them for reasons). He got upset. He refused to help me, even though he could and it wouldn't be a big hassle for him. He then continued to tell me that I'm stupid and worthless. He wants me dead. He blocked me everywhere. He manipulated me to get expensive parts to his computer (~700$) because his credit is gone so he can't get them himself. He told me he will pay the bill each month if I just took them on my name because my credit is clean. Of course I did it. I'm stupid I know. Now I'm stuck with the bill. I can't pay it.
Now, I'm suicidal already. I don't need this. I'm on the edge of killing myself as we speak. I just can't handle this anymore. Everyone just uses me because I'm too kind. I'm so lonely. I just want to end it all. I don't know what to do I just don't.
P.s. I'm in my 30's so this is not teenage angst. I've been severely depressed my whole life, tried every treatment and medicine there is, yes that includes therapy so stop suggesting it, and nothing helps. I'm a lost cause.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just need somewhere/someone to vent to Hi guys. I don’t really know how to go about this so I’m just going to write/speak my mind. I’ve been having some struggles recently. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for about 6 or 7 years now. I’m 21 now. It’s been very on and off and coming in waves. At points it gets very bad and I end up having extreme suicidal thoughts. I have friends and family that are supportive of me but sometimes it still doesn’t feel like I have anything. It started when I was in high school.
It got to the point where I ended up dropping out because I just didn’t want to get out of bed or do anything at all. My parents were very confused and they tried to help. Once they took me to psychs and such and got the diagnosis they were very supportive and so far they’ve done a lot to help the cause. I ended up getting my ged and going to college a year or so later.
After a year at a local community college I thought things were going pretty well. Because they were. At the end of the year one of my friends that I was still in touch with from high school threw out the option of me going away to a community college where he lived with some other mutual friends of ours. I was on board and very exited to do so. A bit later I ended up moving out of my parents house and stayed with some close friends in an apartment. I was going to the college there and living off of financial aid that the college offered.
At some point the depression started to hit again. It was about half the first semester in, the stress of living on my own and being responsible for myself was at an all time high. I believe this was because I lost about 2 and a half years of the social aspect of high school because I spend the far majority of that time sitting in my room doing nothing. In hindsight it wasn’t the best choice.
I ended up moving back in with my parents and my mind and body were at an all time low. I couldn’t eat regularly due to vomiting almost every time I did. After going to countless doctors for the vomiting situation they weren’t able to find anything physically wrong. Towards the end of those trials one of the doctors suggested it was a mental/stress thing(it still happens to this day but not NEARLY as bad as it was at the time. Still haven’t gotten an official diagnosis for this either but it is noticeably higher in a stressful time. It was ruled out that it was an eating disorder because it wasn’t intentional and the randomness of it).
Sleep also became bad. The lack of sleep, motivation and the fatigue from constantly vomiting after meals made me feel sick mentally and physically for a few months. I couldn’t do anything. I was exhausted of every feeling I had in my body. This ended up with me dropping out of college as well. Being on financial aid at the time, they ended up taking all of that privilege that I had from it away. I also ended up with about $3k in debt.(which I do realize isn’t as bad as most other people’s debt from school but it still has its toll on me).
There was a point where I started to try to just keep positive and I actually got a part time job. It wasn’t the best paying and the whole atmosphere of that particular workspace wasn’t the greatest thing either. Some days the depression would get to me in a way that I had to call out of work on certain occasions. It was a very stressful job and I didn’t enjoy it at all, but hey I got paid at the end of the day. Calling out ended up getting me fired and the depression came back full force again. This happened about a year ago from now. I also had to take a small loan of money from a good childhood friend who was kinda aware of the situation but I don’t believe he knows fully about what’s going on.
At the beginning of the year I started to look for more work to try to pay my friend off. As I said earlier he was a great friend of mine and knew I was having some hard times. He said there wasn’t any strict deadline and to just get on my feet and pay him when I get the money back. I couldn’t land a job for a good few months and another wave came because of it. At about May-June I completely shit down again. Wasn’t doing anything, had no motivation to do anything. It was a mess all over again. I stopped talking to all of my close friends for that time period and just wanted no part of anything. Come July I started to realize I didn’t want to live like this forever. Eventually I got back in touch with those friends and started to be more active. I still really didn’t have much motivation or any goals and I didn’t know where to start. The past few months I’ve again started to look for work. I unfortunately haven’t landed anything at all yet. I want to say this is because of my lack of real social skills so the interviews are tough for me. I just lock up when asked simple questions and only reply with uhh umm and I don’t know. I still owe my friend the money and he’s ok with it since he isn’t really in severe need of it.
The thing most of our mutual ‘friends’ are on me about it. This has been a very stressful situation for me and it’s getting worse. These people are pretty much harassing me and saying I’m a bad person for not paying my friend back all this time. The truth of the matter is I haven’t been able to pay for anything myself either. They’re saying it’s because I’m lazy or just an asshole. It’s been making me feel really down lately and the past few weeks I’ve been feeling really good. I’ve actually been getting out and going to the gym with the guy I owe the money too but the past couple days these people putting me down about it.
He is even saying to try my best to ignore them but for some reason tonight it was making my thoughts race and has been keeping me up for the past few hours. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. I would’ve probably called up my good friend and vented to him about it but I’m sure he’s sleeping because it’s past 2am and he has work and school and such. I just needed to write this all out or something. It’s definitely made me feel a bit better. If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading.
|
self.depression
|
Feel like I'm getting tired of keeping myself alive Today, I barely ate anything at all. I had an appetite, I was hungry, but I just wasn't interested in eating. So I made the most low-effort thing I could get away with - a sandwich - ate that, and went back to bed, even though I was clearly still hungry. I just didn't care. Didn't want to put out the effort.
Now my stomach is sore, and it hurts so much, I can't sleep. I just felt absolutely bored with living today.
This is the most sucky thing about depression. The thing that's hardest to talk to anyone about - the fact that *most of the time, I really have no will to live*.
Today there was no reason for me not to end it. Not any that I could think of. I basically went through the day just thinking of all the people that would be upset if I did. And telling myself to hold off for a while, because they always seem so convinced that things will get better.
But it's kind of scary. Is this how it's going to end? I just become apathetic enough to end it all?
|
self.depression
|
Is this anxiety? 1) Muscle tension/ Tension headaches
2) Uneasiness/ feeling like losing control of yourself
3) Social Withdrawal
4) Feeling every sensation in the body/ burning sensation
5) Laying in bed all day
6) Belching
|
self.Anxiety
|
I need guidance on what I can do for my wife. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone write suicide notes as an outlet? Sometimes, when I'm feeling really bad, I'll go on my phone and start writing a suicide note. I'll explain how I really feel about myself and my life. I'll talk about how sorry I am that I couldn't be stronger, and why I felt it was necessary to take my own life. And usually, I'll get really upset when I'm writing them and I'll start to sob, but when I'm done I realize how silly I was being and feel better. Does anyone else do this or something similar?
|
self.depression
|
What is a long term manic episode like? As someone that goes through much shorter cycles, I don't know what week or month like episodes are like. What is your day to day life like? What is your range of emotions like? How does it compare to shorter episodes in general?
Thanks!
|
self.bipolar
|
How do you learn to be loved? I like to think I'm a loving person. I care a lot about people around me and I love them lots but it feels like I just can't believe that they love me, maybe they just don't? haha. I am never the first option or the first one to call between my friends, I always feel like I'm just a parasite, an extra weight they gotta carry. They never bother to text me first or share something funny with me, I always feel like I'm the last to know things. I can't help to always think that the guy I'm with only stays with me out of pity. Out of convenience. I am not saying he's shallow, it's just he's too nice, too kind while I'm just this super messed up trash, I feel like I don't deserve his attention and stuff. I told him once about what I feel, the doubt and stuff but now it's making more anxious because I feel like he stays with me because he feels like he needs to, like I'm this pathetic lonely person that needs to be taken care of. I want people to love me because they want to not because I guilt tripped them to, or because they pity me, or because they feel like they have to. I don't know. I'm sorry.
|
self.offmychest
|
Can't stop crying I'm crying so hard rn and idk why....I'm laying in bed, it's 11:30 at night, I'm listening to Angela by The Lumineers on repeat, and I can't stop crying. I just want everything to end. I want to get away, by I can't do that. I feel more and more like my only option is killing myself.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My grandson is allergic to peanuts So basically, my grandson has had this peanut allergy his whole life. He is currently 12 years old, and he goes to school. At this school, there is the other kid, who we shall call asshole. Asshole has always treated grandson like shit. We have told the principal numerous times, but we would always get ignored. Today was the last straw, however! So basically, on this day, asshole has brought with him to school a lunchbox full of boiled potatoes. Asshole comes up to my grandson, opens up the lunchbox and force feeds multiple potatoes down his throat at once, forcing his eyes to water up and his throat to be sore. When I went to pick my grandson up at the end of the day, I was so outraged! His eyes were completely covered in water and he could only speak enough to tell us how asshole had startled his peanut allergy. We have been waiting in the emergency room for three hours now, and I have never been more outraged in my life! Absolutely discusting!
|
self.offmychest
|
Not sure how to properly describe this but I think r/anxiety is the right place [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Medication and hospitalization Has anyone ever managed to avoid hospitalization by changing their medication at your doctor's suggestion?
Last hospitalization my doctor told me to increase my seroquel, but I didn't listen to him and ended up in the hospital. wow.
I'm just asking for personal experience not advice. Look, I know no one here can give medical advice. Reading other people's experiences can give some insight. thanks
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm so tired of struggling financially College graduate, living with a family that isn't mine due to a falling out with mine years ago, currently have 3 part-time jobs (4 if you count my summer job) and somehow still very poor (complicated situation), barely any social life because I moved away from all of my friends due to previously mentioned falling out, car's currently undriveable so now I have to scramble and struggle to get to work every single day. That's my life for these last few years.
I'm just so tired. It feels like for years I've been trying to grow to overcome hardship and more hardship keeps following.
I know it could be worse. I live in a house, I have a room to myself, I'm not starving though I feel a slight eating disorder starting to creep on, and I have people that care about me and want me to succeed. I just feel so stuck. I need life advice. I need career advice. I didn't have many life skills taught or moral support growing up. I tried to learn what I could on my own, and now I'm starting to feel like it wasn't enough. I'm having a hard time deciding if my hardship is just mental or if my life really is this bad.
I'm so tired. I don't know how I'm getting to work tomorrow. I'm just so tired.
|
self.offmychest
|
Will moving back home be bad for my [25m] depression? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I love my GF, but the circumstances are weighing me down. So I'm in a relationship with a paraplegic woman whom I love very much and I see us living the rest of our lives together. That said, her paraplegism requires a very specific lifestyle that is difficult to adjust to at times. I'm diagnosed with Aspergers, so adjusting to others in general is very difficult for me, though I want to do it out of respect of her situation. But some days I'm just too tired to do anything other than cooking my meal and playing some games.
Even on days like those, I have to do my very best to adjust and assist my GF to give her a chance at a good life. So far I've compared it to having children, which I imagine is very much the same, but it hurts me to compare the love of my life to a child that needs constant care and attention.
I also have a high sex-drive and her fragile body makes that a difficult need to satisfy. And even if that weren't the case, she's been sexually abused in other relationships and suffers immense anxiety during sex. Same case here, I have great respect for this and rarely attempt to get her in the mood and I never straight up ask to have sex. But some days I get very sexually frustrated, even when I'm at work and it takes a toll on me and makes me a grand asshole for everyone to deal with.
I want to be a good BF and a good person as often as possible. But I have such low amounts of energy, having to deal with my own diagnose and panic attacks. Some days I want to end my relationship, but I get a lot of amazing moments from it as well and the thought of being alone again is very scary. Will love be able to keep me strong or is there something I can do? Advice welcome.
|
self.offmychest
|
I wish I could disappear and cease to exist. Just disappear
Without killing myself
Why am I here.
I wish I could disappear and be nothing
|
self.offmychest
|
I can't stop crying. My mom is one of the only people in my life that cares about me. We just fought over stupid shit and I feel so alone. I just broke down, and she doesn't know how to help. She locked herself in her room. I'm so alone. I want to die to bad. All I do is work and sleep all day like a zombie. I can't take it anymore.
|
self.depression
|
Get in contact with others! I'm reading /r/depression alot these days and I noticed almost everyone here is feeling lonely, including myself. Sometimes you just want to talk (about it) without getting judged. I'm planning on starting a WhatsApp groupchat with 5/6 people in it. We can talk about daily struggles but also daily life and support eachother. Become friends. I am not a professional, nor am I thinking this will end our depression, I just think it would be really nice to have some people together to support you.
If you would like to join the chat, contact me.
|
self.depression
|
I just want to be in a relationship with someone as depressed as I am. Anyone else feel the same way? Is this considered a bad idea?
|
self.depression
|
Made it to age 18. I feel like garbage every day of my life. I've been taken care of in the way of food and clothing, but no one has ever talked to me. I never had a mother and my father is only now trying to connect with me, but it seems like everyone is oblivious to my misery. Every day I wake up, and am immediately bombarded with thoughts that make me sick to my stomach. I want to die, but the idea of dying and not existing scares me more than anything, and I break down crying when I think about it. I don't know what to do anymore. I have to start working soon and I'm barely able to get out of bed. The world looks bleak, and life doesn't feel real.
|
self.depression
|
I Wonder If Things Won't Ever Change It scares me to think that things will never change. To wake up to the same life every day. But I know, deep down, we're all floating along. And maybe, just maybe, things will get better.
:)
|
self.depression
|
Something Just moving my hands around on my skin hurts deeper than i could ever imagine. There are no open cuts on my hands, just the memories of desperate attempts to stay in control by making myself bleed.
Those memories just burn like a blowtorch on the side of my head.
Knowing i haven't stopped making them even after all this time is more disappointing than anything i can come up with.
Goodnight.
|
self.depression
|
Is it weird if I texted someone to just say like hey how are ya doing but haven't spoken to him in like 2 years? Also for like other ppl if I haven't spoken to them in like a year is it weird saying hey how ya doing? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety regarding not having any same-sex friends I'm 22 in my senior year of college and in a program that is predominantly female, so pretty much all of the friends I have are female. I have some male buddies from back in high school but none of them live near me. All this makes me feel really uncomfortable going out since I feel like I'd be sending the wrong message asking friends to go out with me (nothing against my friends but I just don't want to date them, plus most of them have boyfriends anyway). The idea of going out with a female friend non-romantically makes me extremely uncomfortable & anxious. It just feels like I can't loosen up in that scenario (not like be a scumbag but just feel comfortable being me). I want to go out on weekends but going solo or going out with my current friends both seem like opportunities for more anxiety then to truly unwind. I feel like if I had male friends this wouldn't be as much of an issue. I hear from my high school friends of them going out & I get super jealous that they have that ability.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know how to stop comparing myself I don't think I can type normally right now because I'm frantic I was at the gym yesterday with my boyfriend and I had to stop 3/4 of the way with my workout because I couldn't stop comparing myself to the others and I couldn't stop thinking of myself as a failure (I'm currently on a weight loss journey) I have been like this all my life, all through my childhood and I don't know how and if I can stop. My boyfriend had a long and gentle talk with me yesterday about how much he believes in me and that I can get through it as long as I keep practicing some of the methods my therapist taught me but they don't feel like they're helping and i don't feel like I'm improving. I think I should go on medication but the last two that i tried were absolutely awful and I couldn't even go to work or school because of my reactions to them i just feel like i have this barrier in my mind that won't let me think for myself because I've been manipulated and abused all my life to believe I'm worthless. I don't know where to go from here or how to stop. Please help. I am scared of my depression coming back because of this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am lonely and it hurts I am super lonely.
I wish I could have a partner who isn't going to hurt me emotionally, physically, mentally or sexually. I wish I could trust men again. I wish I could believe that one day I would be able to find a man I can actually trust, who isn't going to emotionally neglect me or make me feel like shit for me being me.
I wish I could believe I would love again, but I don't.
I wish these tears would stop and someone would give me a hug. But I am all alone.
|
self.bipolar
|
All I ever feel is fear, so what's the point? I wake up scared, and I go to sleep scared. I can only get through the day by being in this weird dissociative state where I basically just feel like I'm riding helplessly in the passenger seat of my consciousness. I can't remember the last time I felt like I made a choice rather than just having my actions dictated by prior causes. I'm convinced that that's what is keeping me locked in this endless battle with myself.
I just constantly feel like everything could fall apart at any second, that I'll finally break, that all the work I've done will be discarded in an instant. I'm sorry I can talk specifics, but I'm just too scared. Suffice to say I've been having flashbacks to something horrible that happened to me a long time ago and it's messing with my head.
It doesn't matter though. I think I'm done. I don't know how I'm gonna keep doing this for another sixty years. If everything is gonna fall apart at some point, if may as well be on my own terms.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Just don't know I am here because I am absolutely miserable, I've been diagnosed bipolar since I was 13 im 34 now, have a lot of addiction's was clean for a year but recently relapsed and I live with someone so needing someone to talk to when someone is already here but has no interest in you is a lot lonelier than actually being alone
|
self.depression
|
I wrote this list to share with my doctor. I wanted to see if anyone has felt anything similar. 1. I don’t feel completely in touch with my self
2. I have moments where I feel loss of consiusness, I daze out and feel like i can just stop breathing, close my eyes and just shut down. I feel pressure in my head when this is happening, I also feel agitated and uncomfortable when this happens.
4. I also have this weird feeling at time where I can’t focus on different things at the same time. Something with my vision makes me feel nauseous and have a weird feeling through out my body. Like my vision is highly sensitive and it gives me a tingling sensation throughout my body. For example in my stomach, in my muscles, in my teeth, on my nose, and in my throat. It kinda makes me feel weak. It also feels like I can’t process multiple things at the same time. It affects my breathing and It makes everything feel unsteady and uncomfortable. Like Hyper sensation in my body
5. When I’m watching tv or sitting somewhere i notice i forget where I’m at, and it’s feels like my mind rests
6. Sometimes i get the spins when Im trying to sleep
7. when I wake up, I wake up really tired and it gets hard to get out of bed
8. Ive been having quit a lot of discomfort and tension in the right back of my neck and getting little random headaches throughout my head.
9. I forget what I was thinking about very often
11. I get agitated and feel like crying and/or feel like screaming randomly
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to go home Right now I'm in Australia on Work and holiday visa. Last year I have been diagnosed as having social phobia. Today (9dec)it is my first day in Australia and Idon't know what to do. Prior to arriving, I thought coming here will be a great experience. But now I just want the comfort of my home even miss my desk job that got me so bored.
Now all I want to do is go to airline website to search for a flight to go home.
Anyone experience this before?
What did you do at that time? Or
What should I do I really want to book a flight on 12dec to fly back home.
I think I can't handle a lot of pressure. In the past, I did quit my jobs on the 1st day for 2 times bc I couldn't handle them. The fist job I didn't like and wanted an way out. The second one was customer service which I couldn't do well on entertain people.
I took a med (sertralin) for a year and a half I though I got much better. I did like 10 presentations on my previous job which I could do after a half year of seeing doctor.
I feel like I overestimated myself. I want to be fun but instead miserable.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxious over nothing? Hi, so I’m a 19 year old woman and I’ve been treated for anxiety, depression, and ADHD since i was 13.
In recent months however I’ve found that my anxiety has gotten extremely worse, so much so i cannot carry on normal conversations or get out of bed.
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months now, and there’s an 8 year age gap between us. My parents and whole family have made It a point to put me and him down for it, and completely make me feel horrible for It.
I don’t know why but this gets to me and i just get anxious anytime someone new finds out I’m dating him. I love this guy, and wouldn’t end things with him, but my family has reopened a pot of anxiety inside me.
I know they can’t do anything about It, and each new person who knows isn’t going to do harm, but i always end up shaking, crying, frozen in place and repeating the same sentence.
I want this to stop, and no i cannot take anxiety medicine. I got DNA tested because i tried some and they gave me insomnia and none of them work for me.
I’m sorry this is probably Silly but it’s seriously gotten me so anxious.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I really need help So I've browsed reddit usually this sub so I know a little but I've tried all of my options today and nothing has helped so I made an account maybe someone can relate and talk to me help me through the night. My wife who I love and wanted to genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with is apparently a lesbian or gay whatever she identifies as regardless I'm having quite a bit of trouble with it. I've had depression my whole life and it has poised many difficulties with our marriage but now I feel like it's making my heartbreak worse than it normally is most times I don't feel justified in not wanting to live for my basically average problem but I can't deal with her not being here let alone someone I've never known please tell me someone can help me tonight because I feel like I've reached my breaking point and I can't stop thinking about dying tonight I have the means but I'm trying to resist because of my daughter and I just need someone with me here
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I just can't sleep I'm going to spend this Christmas with my boyfriend and his family, and I've never been this happy!!! I'm SO excited I can't sleep! He's just the most sweet and wonderful person I could imagine, and just thinking about how miserable I was last year and how much things have changed, and how much he helped me, just feels like a dream... I've been planning everything on my mind and I just can't wait to be with him!!
|
self.offmychest
|
My rage against swedish game developers Hello everyone,
Let me introduce myself, yes?
My name is Tomás Augusto Pérez Ortiz, I'm 17 years old and I've been suffering with rage issues for quite some time.
I have been dealing with depression since I was 13 and tried to kill myself at 15. Since then I can firmly say that my rage has gotten really strong. I'm medicated for it as well as for anxiety and depression.
So, what does this have to do with video games? Here's what:
I want to be a game developer, you know? So well, I love games, they are a part of my life, problem is, I hate one specific country for their games: Sweden.
Why? You may ask. Well, let me explain you. I'm from Argentina and here the game industry is barely develop. And in Sweden? The fuckers have tons of game companies that are extremely important! They are one o the countries that make the most games and everybody are kissing their fucking feet! Why?! Why?! They have a much better economy than here, people earn a lot (my gf is from Poland and she told me that in there people earn a lot and I don't care how high taxes are, your economy is much better than the U.S) and now, to top it all of, extremely important video game companies are all from there, not from the U.S or Japan, but from a freaking country covered in ice! If it was Japan or the U.S I would accept it because they dominate the world basically and I accept that, they are the leaders, but now this fucking country decides to step up and be even better than them in the industry of video games? DON'T YOU GET THERE ARE ALREADY OTHER COUNTRIES THAT CONTROL THIS INDUSTRY!!!! I want to accomplish my dreams of being a great game developer, but so many Sweden developers out there and so many people loving them, I feel like I have much more competition now, I need to compete against another country that has a much better idea of the gaming industry than my country have and I feel like whatever I make won't be recognized because a lot of Sweden games are extremely different and unique and everyone freaking loves them and appear to be fucking perfect!
I know that this all sounds like I'm jealous and I must admit that I am. Why Europe needed to success in the gaming industry? Couldn't you just fail miserably without any succes? I wanted all european countries to fail, but one has proven to be better than a lot of countries and now people are all interested in them and won't pay any attention to the gaming industry here.
If it was just U.S and Japan this would be an easy fight. Only two competitors and they are easy to surpass. Now, Sweden appears and they are doing everything right and everyone loves them because they are fucking perfect.
I want to be perfect to.
Thank you for everything.
|
self.offmychest
|
Advice? Solidarity? I'm not suicidal, but I feel like i shouldn't be alive... [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I just want to feel less alone I'm not really sure where to post this, using a throw-away for obvious reasons. This isn't something I've done before so sorry if I'm not explaining things correctly, mainly just venting.
My entire life I was raised just for my father to take his insecurities and issues out on. Since day one he did everything to make sure I never felt special and that there was no use for me, that I should feel grateful for him even spending his precious time on me. He would do everything he could to make sure I never saw anything he didn't want me to see. Monitoring what I saw, heard, ate, or even thought. I blindly listened to everything he ever said without question. Nothing he did was ever wrong in my eyes, he was saving me from a life of loneliness and giving me a warm house, food, and an education. I grew up a socially inept kid. I was fat and awkward and never really understood what the other kids were saying or how they thought. I come from a very, very small town and the kids were fairly harsh. I spent all my elementary secluded from friendship and always chasing after a way for someone just to talk to me. Eventually I gave up and tried to make myself invisible, which ended up escalating how everyone treated me. As I kept getting older things got worse. I was barricaded and locked in the janitors closet, constantly had fat jokes pointed towards me (giving me weight watchers papers, general name calling, etc), was invited to hang-outs and have no one be there. I grew up alone for the most part without much outside influence. I started self harming at a very young age - 6 or 7 maybe. My emotions were quite dulled and i never understood why I did most of what I did. Every night I'd get more and more scared about what could happen to me. I'd lay awake in tears waiting to see if my dad would come in the room that night, hoping I could pretend to sleep and nothing he wouldn't bother me. Everything he did always got more harsh with every birthday. When I was 9 I started fight against it more, which made everything worse. I was always so confused why he'd be hurting me this much when I kept fighting against it, but at the time be loving towards me. Every sweet memory I have of him gets ruined by knowing his true intentions and what he was really doing. I remember always loving him taking me fishing, which was mainly just a way for him to have me in the middle of nowhere. I remember him singing Puff the Magic Dragon and playing the guitar before bed to stop me from crying after he hurt me.
Went I was 10 I was admitted into a psychiatric ward for kids for attempting suicide. I only stayed for about a week, as I didn't actually fully understand what was wrong with me, so I never knew what answer to give everyone. The people there saw me "improving" and it was mainly chalked up to me just being a bullied kid that just was trying to get attention and had no real intentions of taking my life.
Thankfully, around this time when I was released my parents were having severe relationship issues. My dad was gone for 6 or so months gambling away the money saved up for me to go to college and all the money we had. My mom finally ended things with him when she found out he was cheating on her. He didn't handle the break up so well. Broke into our house, took me from school mid-day, threatened us and suicide. Eventually my mom got a restraining order and a no contact. He had a warrant out for his arrest and ended up moving to another state. This was the end of my contact with him for a while, as he had no way to do so.
Due to losing all of our money, my grandparents kicked us out of our house. Legally theirs, but my parents paid my grandpa for the house. The house was still in their name, so they were able to evict us. This was my grandmothers idea, as my mother had been paying her periodically just to help out and she realized she wouldn't be able to do that anymore. This caused us to move out and I switched schools.
I think I entered 7th grade when I moved. School life there was a bit better. I took 2 high school classes which opened me up to a lot more torment. I had a group of "friends" who would sit with me at lunch. No one would ever really want to directly talk to me or hang out outside of school, but it was a hell of a step above everyone constantly picking on me. During this time my mom picked up a job where she worked 12 hours a day. Due to my mother being generally shitty with money and having terrible landlords, we moved around that town 14 times.
At the end of the school year, my mother informed me we had to move back to my hometown and i was going to be living with my Aunt and Uncle. I fought against this a lot as I felt like I was doing better in school there and was terrified of the thought of returning to my hometown school. She assured me that it would only be for the summer, so i reluctantly packed everything that night and we left. About a month in of use moving in with them, my sister sat me down and broke the news to me. I wasn't leaving. That was meant to be my home now. My mom had recently found out that she had 3 cancerous tumors in her throat.
She was given a year to live at best. She was offered surgery to remove them, but there was a chance she could never speak again. She, for some reason, decided she would rather die and leave her kid without a mother than to have the CHANCE to not be able to talk. This, understandably, had me quite upset. At her, at what was happening, at my future. This is around when I started disassociating. Nothing ever felt like me. It felt like everything was just a movie I was watching. I'd look into the mirror and have a panic attack realizing this is my life and this is who I am.
I'm gonna fast forward a bit here, since this post is extremely long and I'm not sure if it's even worth a response.
I lived there for 10 months, did online schooling, my mother and I moved out and with her boyfriend. My mom was alive and still is to this day. I don't know the full story about what's going on with her and I'm still too scared to ask now. We moved all across the state a dozen or so times. A new boyfriend every time, each on a perverted piece of shit. We moved half across the country with one. In hopes of finding a new life, apparently. I was 15 nearing 16. We were living out of slummy hotels and our car. Her boyfriend was using and I'm assuming she was as well. Neither of them could find work. He pressured me to sell myself to get money for them, but I spent it on food for myself and my dog. He became very hostile and threatened me and my mom with a knife. This was a day or two around my birthday, I was getting sick of everything going on and spending my "sweet 16" like this. I hit him fairly hard in the head with a hammer. We ran off to another hotel across the state( Texas, so it was a fairly long drive) into another hotel. My mother was getting unemployment so we were able to just barely afford to live there. She ended up inviting him back without letting me know, but thankfully that only lasted a few weeks and he was arrested shooting up in his car outside our hotel room.
We moved back to my home state. Eventually moving around more to where I am now. A town away from my hometown. Everything has improved. My mother has always been manipulative and abusive, but it's all petty to everything else I've lived with. I turned 18 just a month ago. I've saved up everything I possibly can and have almost 10k now. In two months I'll be putting a deposit down on the house I grew up in and will be paying off my grandma. In contract. Legally. I'm not making the mistakes my parents did. I won't have to be constantly scared of having to move and wondering where I'll end up. I have a long distance boyfriend who is extremely caring and understanding.
This is my first time ever talking about this with anyone. I've never dealt with the abuse and indoctrination with my father. I have no control of my emotions and never feel grounded to reality. Things are improving and I still feel terrified to fall asleep at night. I still have little self worth and no confidence in myself. I've had 5 therapists from ages 10-16 and have never been able to get help for myself. I spend most of my days locked up in my room, scared to leave the house and go anywhere. Too anxious to even place a phone call without crying and stuttering. I put on this fake life and hide everything I can to anyone. I feel like a bother for even letting someone know I'm upset. I can't even wear anything other than pants and a turtle neck/button up because I'm terrified of someone seeing my scars.
I don't know how to get help when I know I'll just shut myself in and not be able to leave the house or call for therapy. I can't even afford it on top of rent and general living. I just want to feel okay. i just want to be over with this and start a new life where I'm not scared of every little thing that happens or could happen. I just want to be happy.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do I feel something? I feel nothing, i'm 17, goin to college and I have got nothing going on, literally nothing, its like there's a hole in me. I have no passion, no desire, no nothing, reddit's like the only where i ever get a little chuckle or little grin, hell i don't even masturbate anymore...nothing works,nothing works anymore and i don't get it.
what's wrong with me? how do i fix this?
|
self.depression
|
I feel like the only way I can get help is to hurt myself now. I don't think my medication has been working. I stopped going to my job two months ago because it was making me want to die. Now I'm going to be evicted, my car got repossessed, I'm working an even shittier minimum wage retail job, and just don't have the energy to pack all of my things into boxes so I can move back in with my parents at the age of 27.
After I stopped going to my job, there was a day where I realized I needed help. I went to the emergency room and requested a mental health evaluation. I put on a gown and had to check in my stuff after I told them I was having suicidal thoughts. I ended up waiting for 4 hours for their psychiatrist to show up for the evaluation. A few different doctor's talked to me about what I needed early on in the night, but after waiting for so long I decided I would rather go be mentally unstable in my own bed. They asked if I had any immediate plans for suicide, which I did not, and I was discharged.
I don't know what to do anymore, since I tried to get help and it didn't work. I'm afraid of going to the emergency room again, and I probably don't even have insurance coverage anymore. I stopped taking my antidepressant a few days ago because it was late being filled and I hardly feel any different. I'm still exhausted, I still hate my life, and I still would rather just not wake up whenever I go to sleep.
I know I need to get help somehow, but I feel like the only way to do that now is to actually attempt suicide, so that someone will take me seriously. I tried using the resources, but the only place in my area is the place I already tried going to.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
4 months On Cymbalta. I've been taking Cymbalta for 4 months now and it hasn't been helping. I have severe anxiety when it comes to school. I am 13 and need to continue on with my education but it's really hard when I stay home or am extremely late every single day because of my Anxiety. My Principal thinks I am completely faking everything even though I throw up almost every morning and have mental breakdowns and Night/Morning. Life has been very tough for me lately and Cymbalta hasn't been doing ANYTHING for me. Is anyone else on Cymbalta and experiencing no changes in your mental health?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Im unable to feel the good emotions. This is coming from the time I'm not feeling down.It's not just that I'm not seeing that I've had joy,I've tried to feel excited by doing stuff that is universally exciting I realized it was bad looking back on my experiences with rollercoasters.But that's besides the point,for some reason I get half emotion-half dull aching migraine when I start to feel happy.Imagine you have a bottle of soap and someone pours water into it.That's what I feel like,it's like my feelings are half feeling half anguish.My happiness and excitement immediately dissipate once I start to feel them.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Anyone familiar with sertraline? I have had some problems with feeling anxious on a regular basis, particularly nihilism, death-anxiety, constantly feeling depressed and having a hard time enjoying life. I contacted a therapist but the conversations has not been particularly productive, since I will be turning 18 in 2 months so the focus has been on finding a new therapist in the adult departement. So I also got in touch with a doctor to talk about temporary medication and got perscribed sertraline, she was very casual about it but I am a bit more skeptical. On one hand it would be nice to maybe make the days easier and trying out it out during christmas break. But on the other hand I feel like I got very little information about this medication and maybe I should wait to either talk to another doctor or wait to see if cognitive therapy will help once I get a new therapist.
So I ask anyone out there that has had experience with sertraline, how is it? I heard it takes some time to get used to, but otherwise I am really not sure.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.