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Thorazine Instead of quetiapine? My doctor just made the switch. Quetiapine were not making me asleep anymore but I have never heard about Thorazine to sleep. Anyone has anything to share?
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self.bipolar
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I need some perspective, please. NSFW ish So, I've been diagnosed with Mood Disorder NOS for the last couple of years, and have been on several different antipsychotics since then.
I'm not asking anyone to tell me if they think I'm bipolar, but I recently had what was probably an honest to goodness manic episode, and I need to hear someone else's opinion on it, so I know if I'm blowing it out of proportion or not.
For about two months, I experienced grossly inflated self-esteem, increased energy, decreased need for sleep, flights of ideas, etc. The difference between previous episodes and this one is that I felt like I'd been called upon by the universe to spread it's love to everyone. I had an experience wherein I felt myself fly out of my body and into space, where I saw everything that ever was and ever would be, and how we are all connected. I saw the sickness in our planet, and was filled with certainty that I was a crucial part in healing it and it's people.
This feeling lasted for about three weeks before I began the descent back to my normal depression.
I also experienced hypersexuality, culminating in me going to a stranger's home and engaging in bdsm play that I let go too far, and having sex with two men I'd never met.
Typing it out makes it seem pretty clear that it was a manic episode and not hypomania, but I still feel the need for perspective.
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self.bipolar
|
Who would I be without depression? I always read or hear people who suffer from depression and are working to overcome it say "I don't want to be defined by this"
But I feel like I am my depression, and I don't know who I would be without it. I outwardly project my depression and sad existence as a sort of sarcastic joke amongst my friends (who are also depressed)
My music/art taste, fashion sense, and entire personality are defined by my depression. How fucked am I haha?
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self.depression
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My favorite singer committed suicide two days ago and I might too My favorite singer of all time, Jonghyun, committed suicide two days ago.
I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t breathe. I hate that he brought happiness to so many people and he wasn’t happy himself. I can’t believe this.
His smile got me through days that I couldn’t find the motivation to get up and go to school. His songs made me feel better when nothing else could. I was a fan since I was twelve years old. I grew up listening to him.
I can’t believe this is happening. I just want to rewind time. I don’t want to be here, in this world, where Kim Jonghyun isn’t alive. I wish he was happy. I wish someone had helped him.This isn’t fair. I want to die too. Please someone talk to me I’m scared I might hurt myself...I’m 16f by the way
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does the change in seasons affect your mood? I get incredibly down in the winter, I live in the midwest and as soon as September hits I feel my mood slipping downward. A mood light helps a bit but winter is still dragging on for at least another month or so and towards the end I get the most down and feel worn out. I've felt incredibly down the past few days as my mood has been affecting my work performance and I had a bad performance review. Today I woke up and thought that if I made it through the day without killing myself it would be a miracle. Luckily I'm feeling a bit better since I got up and out, but man I hate winter!
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self.bipolar
|
Well please tell me it gets better I have been alive for what I think is too long. Every day for me is suffering. I am in middle school and I know I sound like a little shit. I am some random kid who wishes he didn't want to kill himself. Last summer I built up the confidence of my pre-teen self and asked a girl out. I got a rejection but I was able to make it through to real friends. A month after my friends all left me. I have been self harming. What's the point nobody would care if I died.
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do I let people know how to find my body? I am shooting myself in the head, so I don't want my family being the ones to find my body, as that would most likely not be a pleasurable experience. I do have a sleeping bag that I will be in as to minimize mess.
I live in a rural environment, and will be going into a forest where nobody else goes in order to be isolated while I shoot myself, and not risk my body being accidentally discovered.
Should I tell them where my body will be? Who should be the one to discover it?
Please help, I don't want to scar my family.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Welcome back anxiety Do you also have this disturbing feeling in your gut when you are coming back from a holiday break? I didn't go to work yesterday because coming back gives me chills. I was away for only a week, but it feels like it was a month. I have extreme anxiety about work related problems. On top of that, I absolutely hate these generic fake smile conversations about "how was your holidays?". I would not come back for another week, just to avoid this phase of everybody's new year excitement.
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self.Anxiety
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I want to leave my job but the thought of leaving gives me anxiety attacks The thought of finding something new gives me worse panic attacks than I get daily just thinking about going to my job. I feel like I'm trapped in a cycle. The company has indicated the contract will end at the end of March which part of me looks forward to and another part gives me dread. I dread every meeting talking about handing over my work to another team that will take over going forward. None of it makes any sense.
Sometimes I just think I want a simple minimum wage job, no take home work, no real thinking just turn up and mindlessly do something rather than having all this stress and pressure.
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self.Anxiety
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Help Please, my depression and drinking finally have taken control and i want to end it all tonight. is there any nice person out there?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Lost My girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. Since then, I've been really lonely. I've just been listening to Kevin Abstract, trying to keep my feelings away. I need some friends.
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self.depression
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I still care about you and I hope you're okay I posted a few months ago, upset and angry with a boy who I loved and suffered from depression/broke my heart.
The title says it all. I've let you go, but I think about you sometimes, still... I hope you are okay. I hope you are just doing okay. I hope you are in a better place.
I hope you are all doing okay. I hope you all find someone who loves you the way I loved him, and I hope I find someone like that, too.
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self.depression
|
Not sure what to think.. I've gotta preface this & say this will be long but I've always kind of felt... depressed. Somewhat suicidal. The thing is however is I have been grateful for many things. I'm aware of how good life CAN be. I'm thankful for my family and friends...
But I have always felt like the world has been against me. Every single time things can go good or bad, they go bad. Even if I try & be optimistic and hope for the best, nothing ever goes my fucking way. I'm so sick of it. I will admit that I've made many mistakes in my life. I fucked up. I'm to blame for quitting most of my jobs, I'm to blame for being a misdemeanor thief. I acknowledge my mistakes. But it always seems like every single time there's this small window of opportunity, I get fucked over. Everybody else gets the opportunity to redeem themselves. But I don't. Everybody gets the girl they want, every single time I meet somebody new it's always the same fucking thing: Meet, talk on the phone for days, maybe have a date or two, and I'm doing all the right things. I have a sense of humor. I talk about whatever. I'm not shy at all. But I'm never fucking good enough. Contact always gets broke off. They always make excuses. Now I won't say I've had no success at all.. I've gotten laid couple of times but that''s not what I'm after. Everybody else... things go justtttt fine for them.
My life has always felt like it's had this dark storm cloud over my head. I always get the shit end of the stick. I'm so sick of it. I've put up with so much at 23. Nothing ever goes my way. I dont know why I even try. Everytime I go for a new job? Fucked over. Everytime I try for a new girl? Fucked over.
Everytime I see opportunity? Fucked over.
I get that the world doesn't revolve around me and the world doesn't owe me shit. I get that somebody always has it worse. But fuck man, I hate this. I deserve better. I try so hard. Nothing ever goes my way. Everybody else gets everything. They've got money. They've got the relationship. They've got the good job. What the fuck do I have to show for 23 years of life? Nothing. I'm so sick of it. I've contemplated killing myself so many times. Granted, I have no idea if I could actually do it but I think about it. All. The. Time. And one of these days I might just say fuck it & do it. I'm never good enough for anybody, I can't win for losing. I'm just sick of it. I hate talking about this feeling I've felt, because I just feel like a nuisance and burden to everybody. And I probably am. I used to just talk depression and suicidal thoughts. To everybody. Then I had a moment of clarity, yknow.. fuck it. The results will come. Just be happy. And I tried. But nothing. I hate life. I'm tired of this shit.
I feel like God is an angry man, sitting on top of an ant hill with a magnifying glass.. and I'm the ant. Fuck.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
It's my birthday! Today, January 2nd, is my 21st birthday. I've been very anxious about but surprisingly things are going fantastic. I had a great time with my sister and got some nice gifts, too. I just wanna say that if you're anxious about your birthday, hang in there. :)
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self.Anxiety
|
I've been screwing with my own life and future because I hate myself. So I've never really thought myself to be an especially great person. This has been true as long as I can remember in my admittedly short life. However for the past few months I've fallen into a pit of self-loathing the likes of which I've never felt, and I'm terrified it'll end badly if I don't take some sort of action.
More specifically, most things I've tried to do I keep defaulting to the thought that I don't deserve whatever positive benefit comes from it, and as a result I do nothing. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I feel I haven't earned it, and shouldn't be allowed to have it.
I've missed out on a lot of things due to this, thinking I didn't deserve petty things like snacks or going to a friend's house, but as of late I've been depriving myself of things like eating or sleeping. I recall a time about a month ago when I went a couple days without eating anything at all. Hell, after a screaming match with my dad I went to where I store my savings and tore up just over $100 out of thinking I was too stupid and lazy to deserve any money.
This is what brings me to today. Now I'm sure you've caught this by now, but I'm a teenager, in my Senior year specifically. And as a result of my inactivity I've fallen behind on a lot of work, and am failing most of my classes. Today I was pulled out of class to see the counselor and she informed me that with my current grades and percentages in my classes, I am likely going to have to continue attending into 2019. And seeing as my school's grading system is... Difficult to deal with to say the least, there's nothing I can do about it Naturally, this crushed me.
(To clarify, I'm missing several important assignments from the first quarter, but it's school policy that students aren't allowed to turn in work due last quarter.)
I was reasonable enough while talking to her, but the second I left and entered the empty halls I was in tears. And my condition didn't improve throughout the day, even after seeing what friends showed up today.
I know potentially being held back doesn't sound bad, but between my parents who are expecting me to do well and the fact that should I fail I'll more than likely be kicked out is starting to take its toll on me. What brings me here is that today I've been thinking about finally taking that final plunge into the abyss, and a lot more than usual. I've already attempted twice, but both were rather rushed, so it's no surprise how those thankfully turned out. What's really getting to me is the fact that I've actually thought about everything. Who I want my possessions to go to, how I'm gonna do it, and where I'd hide so help couldn't find me.
Now the fact that I'm posting here in the first place shows that I don't want to do this. I want to stop thinking that I don't deserve to graduate. That I don't deserve to have friends. That I don't deserve to be happy. I want to stop abandoning my friends and sitting out in the back until lunch ends. But as of now I don't even know how to being addressing any of these problems.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I haven’t been able to sleep for 2 nights because all I can think about is going in the garage, running the car and going to sleep. I want to do it so bad. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Something I wanted to send to my ex, now it's a vent. Papa bless I am a young guy, I've fooled around and I've been with girls for a while but it's always been something I didn't take very seriously or where we were fwb, this was my first actual relationship where I truly loved someone and wanted to spend the rest of my life with them. It was a long distance relationship this time, something I never took seriously but this girl, this girl was different. I never felt this kind of love for anyone or anything in my life. I just wanted her to be happy, I would have given anything to put a smile on her face. I've never been the emotional type, I used to barely cry, noboedy ever knows how I really am but these last 2 months have been the saddest months of my whole life. I've never loved someone like this and her treating me the way she's treated me the last months and breaking up with me suddenly over text and making me breakdown at work was the worst fucking way to send it.
She distanced herself for a month while we were together and slowly began getting over me while I was getting more and more anxious and trying to be nicer.
There was nothing I wouldn't have done, nothing I wouldn't have said to keep her and she broke my heart.
I feel like a fucking child, I feel like the last 20 years of my life were nothing, there was no sadness as great as this and I was never let down as much I was right now.
It feels so bad and my heart hurts me, I used to cry every night and now I've started to get better, I only cry once a week and I am really thankful for my friends for that.
I have very little friends and all my best friends have been a no show for the last 6 months because of really hard times they're having themselves.
I wish everyone is doing well, I hope all of you are doing great; I fucking miss you all, I miss the good times, I miss the bad times, I miss my friends, my ex, I miss school.
Thank god for my job for keeping any order in my life.
My family has been really supportive and I am greatful to have people like this watching my back, I found out the girl I trusted the most has been lying to me for 3 months just to avoid me and bleh it feels like fucking ass. My favorite game reminds me of her, my god damn favorite app reminds me of her. I'll be another guy in her life who forced empathy on her and was a dick about how she budgeted her money because I am sure the bad times is all she'll remember but she'll always be my fucking first. Bleh, moving on takes a while. I know she'll always have a place in my heart.
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self.offmychest
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Scared of consciousness, would love any help I seem to project my current state of mind onto the future. When I’m feeling good, I can worry less about death. When I feel more anxiety, I panic very hard thinking about what might happen to my “consciousness” after death.
I keep thinking about how I might have gotten PTSD from my first bad trip on weed, about a year ago. I’m pretty sure it felt like a near death experience to me.
I keep thinking that even if I manage to calm my brain down, I won’t be changing reality, and the possibility that brains produce this kind of conscious suffering will still be real, and I focus on the remote possiblity that I might be once again experiencing suffering after I die. I can’t deny the possibility because we have no idea of what consciousness is or where it comes from, so I might find myself in a future where I don’t recall this life in any way, my girlfriend, anything, and still I suffer. Just thinking about this makes my chest hurt very much.
I tried meditating a few times when feeling a lot of pain in the “mind” and chest, and I noticed that if I stick with the meditation for longer than I previously tried, say 10-20 minutes, I start to feel better.
It makes me very scared to find myself in a brain that is capable of producing this kind of suffering. This fear intensifies the suffering, so I find myself trapped in a bit of a loop.
I also worry about the potential health damage I’m causing to my body with all this stress and the past 2 episodes of anxiety and bad heart palpitations lasting several hours while high. It makes me scared to go back into normalcy in a body that is even unhealthier than before, when I was already worried about its limited longevity.
Another thing I remember is wondering if I could be gay while watching porn. I’m not sure if this happened before or only after the first bad trip. Pretty random, but it gives some insight into what kind of thoughts appear in my mind. Also note that right now I don’t give two craps about being gay, I feel such a debilitating fear of existence and pain in my chest that I honestly don’t know what I even want to do. I definitely don’t want to die, because in my point of view the possibilities are endless. Dealing with this pain is torture. Even working towards forgetting all of this and ignoring my worries, meditating, feels pointless as I’m merely affecting one brain that will soon be dead.
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self.Anxiety
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My boyfriend He finally agreed that we were pretty much dating. But that's not what this is about.
I've been sick for the last couple of days so I've been awake for most of the night blowing my nose and coughing. I check in on him sleeping every once in a while and when I see him curled up on my side, cuddling a pillow or a blanket, it just fills my heart with so much love. And then I settle down beside him for a little bit and he just curls up around me and I stroke his hair.
He makes me so happy and I feel so lucky to be his and that he's mine.
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self.offmychest
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I want to die I wrote a long rant about my situation, reaching out to everyone, but you know what? It doesn't matter. Nothing can fix it. I'm just going to hope I die soon. I wish depression rotted me away faster.
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self.depression
|
I'm a loser and no one could ever want me. Maybe I'm dyslexic, or the lack of oxygen when I was born did something to my brain, but I've always been much less intelligent than most people. I can't understand basic math, didn't learn to read until I was 13. Even now I often have to read paragraphs over and over to understand what they say. I can't follow instructions, and it takes me forever to figure anything out. I was made fun of constantly in school for it. I tried to finish highschool and work full time until I was 21, then I gave up and quit school. The only thing I'm suited to do is manual labor jobs, and I still failed miserably doing housekeeping at hotels, no matter how hard I tried I always forgot things or couldn't get the rooms clean enough. I've always been broken up with by guys because I wasn't in school and wasn't going anywhere in life. I was anorexic and bulimic on and off in highschool, and never had any real friends. I have abandonment issues because my dad died when I was six, and I often just don't want to connect with people because I know they'll leave. I can't even enjoy having friends, because I worry constantly about what they think of me.
When I was 18 I met and fell in love with an alcoholic. I started drinking with him, and for four years I struggled everyday to control my drinking. I'm in a dry phase now, but I always know it's just a matter of time before my drinking gets out of control again, because it's the only thing in life that gives me any joy aside from my daughter. I was supposed to get married to my alcoholic boyfriend, he broke up with me several times because I was too needy and fucked up, then one day he stopped texting me and moved back to his home state. I never heard from him again.
Now I'm a stay at home mom and married to someone else, who has been verbally abusive to me, calling me a cunt and bitch a lot when he's drunk and going off on me frequently. I gained tons of weight after breastfeeding, I went from a size 3 to 10 in a couple of years, and I cry almost everyday because I feel hideous. No matter how much I exercise and restrict my calories the weight won't go down. I also developed panic attacks that make it difficult for me to go to the store and do simple things.
A few weeks ago my husband cheated on me on a business trip. The woman is thin and beautiful, smart, she teaches math at a college. He then kicked me and our daughter out of our apartment so he could bring his new girlfriend over for thanksgiving. I had to drive 16 hours to get to my mom's house. Now we're back together and he wants to go to marriage counseling and work things out. He's driving here today. I'm dreading it. I don't want to with him, I can't stop thinking about him with the other woman. I hurt constantly, I feel so ugly and unwanted. I'm so tired of being punished constantly, he wouldn't talk to me yesterday because I wasnt attentive enough to him the day before. I'm always going to be dirt to him. But I know I can never do better than my husband. He's a very successful guy. He'll be making a ton of money once he graduates. No Guy would ever treat me better or do as much for me. I'm always going to be a loser.
When I think about myself and everything in my life I realize the bad far outweighs the good, and I just want to give up and end it. With my lack of skills, intelligence, and looks, there's nothing I can do to make this mess of my life into something better. I'm worthless, I always have been, and always will be.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Whew I just got my full physical report back, blood test and all, and I am fully healthy with no detected signs of cancer in my blood (I’m adopted so my future is blind), and no stds. I am very happy about this as it is my first std test in years and I enjoy the occasional blowjob from a stripper every now and then.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone not understand why they're fine one week, but the next day you're a hermit? Grr... that title wasn't even consistent grammatically but perhaps that shows how my brain feels right now.
I call it going into "turtle mode" when I just want to be "in my shell."
This can be completely unwarranted. I can have one week where I go for runs, go to yoga, happily see my friends after work, even go out and have a few drinks on a Saturday night with friends (I'm 30--this can be rough!). All is great!
For no reason at all, the next week, I will just not want to do anything at all. I'm perfectly content going to the gym and going home after work. Maybe one evening, I'll go to the pub after work with a friend I haven't seen in awhile. Weeks like this are boring, but I'm fine. I tend to then just do more of my solo hobbies I get enjoyment out of--painting, reading, just enjoying being on my own.
Then, there are weeks where I'm just an awful mess. I don't sleep well, work from home because I know I'll need to nap in the middle of the day, eat like a nervous rodent puttering through the kitchen or just overeat entirely. Sugar is my poison during these days/weeks. I not only don't make plans, but I am almost defiant about them. "Drinking? No! I never want to drink again." or, especially when my anxiety stomach is flaring up, I have to avoid any food activities and find myself making excuses. For my closer friends, I can just say, "I need some time. Can we either do something active or take a walk, or do something next week? My anxiety is being stupid today." (I have some great friends that are so great about this!). If I do eat, I'm often stricken with panic or I choke on food, so I have to opt for soft foods or eat slowly.
I've never been diagnosed with anxiety, but is it more consistently "turtle mode" for any of you? Do you ever have a good time when you have social anxiety, or is it basically just always wanting to be shut in?
I guess I'm having trouble with the inconsistencies in my feelings, especially when there often isn't a reason when it gets really bad.
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self.Anxiety
|
Don't hire someone to help your business succeed, and then define what "success" is a year after that. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My current situation: just pouring out my heart :( So my life has been basically a rollercoaster the past couple years, things have been going from bad to worse, occasionally getting better for a while but repeatedly defaulting to depression, hopelessness, chronic demotivation, loss of ambition etc but I'm doing a good job of hiding this from my parents/close friends.
I have basically only three close friends and they are all in different countries, I'm in a completely alien country and my family is in another country. I'm here to study and get my BSc which is now absolutely unlikely but I'm sort of stuck in a limbo because I can't/don't want to drop out and go back to my country. So nobody back home knows I'm depressed and I have no one here to confide in and basically I'm holed up in my room all day. I used to work part time for a year until a month ago which I quit because I just can't do it anymore. The only thing I look forward to is smoking weed and listening to some music/watching movies to escape my depressive thoughts. I've lost weight, don't shower and basically my hair/hygiene/tidiness is at an all time low. I have given up on ever getting a girlfriend and I don't have the energy to bother making new friends or let alone start up a conversation. I stopped going to the gym about 7 months ago and my brief stint with jogging/body weights stopped a couple months ago. My family have no idea that I'm going nowhere with my studies and I've lied to them saying that I'm in my third semester whereas I had to reenroll last month again for the first semester. I have no clue how I'm going to finance myself or get out of this rut. Simply put I see no light at the end of the tunnel and unless something remarkable happens I can't imagine what could happen that could take me out of this hole. i'm not suicidal because I know life is a rare, beautiful thing but I just have no idea what to do. Every option I can think of is not practical. I'm basically writing this in the hope that I get some replies so that I can at least relate to some people, which is the only thing that helps me to go on.
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self.depression
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My anxiety makes it hard to fall asleep, so I've been using alcohol as a sleep aid. Is this the wrong thing to do? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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No, your mother is not getting an abortion, you selfish little brat [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Foods that are easy to stomach with anxiety? My anxiety has been through the roof for several days. My stomach hurts, so I've barely been eating. I know that it's important to stay nourished and keep my energy up, but it still feels like I'm force feeding myself.
I never want breakfast anymore. I've never been the type of person to skip food in the morning before. All I ever want is coffee and my B12 pill and St. John's Wort. I've tried smothering a piece of toast in as much peanut butter as I can fit to get in some extra calories, but eating it still feels like a chore.
Even if my stomach is growling, I don't want food. I went to bed without lunch or dinner the other night because I just couldn't bring myself to eat something. I felt like a zombie the next morning.
So yeah, my energy has been low. I'm worried. I have a history of disordered eating and I don't want to fall back into that. But I just don't want to eat anything right now.
Any ideas? Much obliged.
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self.Anxiety
|
ever been emotionally Flat lined? I've noticed that ever since I switched to my new med, I have been emotionally meh. The great thing is that I don't feel super sad when I would normally be low. However, on the other side, I really don't take a bunch of joy from doing activities I used to.
The med is working for my main symptom, which is auditory and visual hallucinations. Great for mania too. I'm not going off of it, as it's pretty awesome. Just curious if anyone else has felt like this?
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self.bipolar
|
I’m definitely having some sort of episode I got really mad at my husband because he didn’t want to go get ice cream. I’m starting a new diet tomorrow so I wanted ice cream today. Then he suggested a nap. I just laid there and thought about all these stressful things even when I would try to change my thoughts.
I didn’t take my son to church even though they are taking attendance for confirmation. I messaged my friend and told her I had a migraine so I might not be at her party tonight.
I’m crying now and feeling so overwhelmed. My head hurts and my muscles feel like I’m tensed up like I’m going to be hit.
I took my as needed Valium but they take so damn long to start working.
I don’t know what is going on with me but it is some sort of episode.
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self.bipolar
|
It begins I'm not sure how to begin one of these posts. Normally, I don't post on reddit (in fact I forgot I had this account) and prefer to read what's already here. So I apologise in advance to its length.
Earlier in 2017, I worked for a small company who treated their employees like disposable tissue paper: a single rip or stain would render us useless and subsequently we were discarded. I was discarded in April.
For the next four months, I was unemployed. Every day of every week I *worked* on getting work. One week, I sent out and followed-up with over 35 resumes and applications. But in that time, I had perhaps 8 phone and 3 in-person interviews.
In the beginning, I turned down opportunities because of the commutes (can only use transit). Over time, the feeling changed from being selective to feeling worthless. I don't know when *exactly* it happened. Did it take a phone call, day, week, or was it slower? Regardless, I became discouraged.
Soon, these feelings bled into all aspects of my life. Since funds were scarce, I prioritized housing, food, and *job* costs. Any time spent outside, I stopped. Meals became less nutritious and less frequent (as few as one per week). I refused to leave my apartment for anything save interviews, food, and fires (which my apartment tried a few times that summer). By some default, I became more of a hermit.
By the fourth month, I was resigning to the idea that I am worthless. I could no longer convince myself I was valuable. My energy was so low, motivation exhausted, and willpower depleted thoughts of *my* end flooded my mind. I began to, as its referred, **idolize** suicide. I thought of *quick* means (buildings, bridges, knives, guns, etc), *slow* means (starvation, exposure, dehydration, etc), and *clean* means (drowning, acid baths, pyres, etc).
These thoughts would appear, suddenly and without detail. I recall afterwards that I was terrified and tried to distance myself from the thoughts. I was always thinking:
> I'm having suicidal thoughts, but **I don't want to die**.
Thankfully, in that final fourth month I got a job. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but I was optimistic: the people are great, managers are compassionate, perks are nice, and there is movement (both vertically and horizontally). So I thought to myself, *just bide your time, finish this work to work on something else, just bide your time*.
Suffice to say, the work was getting to me. Everyday I wondered *what's the point*? Energy was zapped and getting out of bed became the **first** hardest task of the day. Once I eventually got to work, I immediately wanted to return to my bed: where everything is OK.
Still thoughts of suicide would flash into my mind. Increasingly I felt *apart* from everyone. No matter how many people crowded the bus or in a venue, I felt leagues apart from the nearest body. Whenever someone would acknowledge my presence, feelings of shame and guilt washed over me instilling the feeling of *I don't belong here or anywhere*.
When my boss starting asking me what was going on, trying to find an answer missed details and constant reminding, he found out my down feelings and I confessed my thoughts of suicide. To put it mildly, he was taken aback. He was silent for a moment. Then soon he said, *this job is not worth your life: we want you to get better*.
As though the dam broke, I felt months of sadness, guilt, and shame burst forth in tears. I sobbed, in front of my boss. For the first time, in *years*, I felt my existence and realised it has value. In all spacetime, I felt foolish for keeping these feelings to myself and that there **is** someone here to help. I resolved that day to seek help, to reach out confident a hand will grab hold.
Now, near the end of 2017 I feel lucky and thankful. Although I still feel overwhelmed, anxious, loneliness, and *cheap* I am glad there are people who will respond positively to my circumstance and lead me to the right places for help. I've already started counseling and some self-care (turns out not eating well, sleep deprivation, and lack of exercise are major factors well for **everything**). But I am patient enough to realize this is not a short journey, but it's the journey of a lifetime.
|
self.depression
|
Sometimes... I just need to be held and told it's OK but you're busy and I don't want to disturb you.
So I'll cry silent tears and try to smile.
|
self.offmychest
|
Fellow redditors I have a confession to make before I do what I think might solve it all. I don't know where to start off but perhaps I'll start with the family. I'm sorry mom and dad, I haven't been an easy child, through out my life I always found a way to upset the both of you. I remember when I decided to run away because I had a baby sister, I knew that you loved her just as much as me but I was a selfish kid although I love my sister I wish she was never born.
I don't think they will see my last words, especially not here but I don't think I could write this in a letter without shedding tears.
I want to thank this community for being so lovely, not only towards me but towards everyone that comes here to understand what they are feeling and expieriencing.
My selfish and stupid actions have led to a persons death tonight and I don't think I can live with that thought, so forgive me for this act.
|
self.depression
|
Screw all that time lost... When they told me "Start thinking about your future". They were NOT joking.
I reached 18 having no clue what to do with my freaking life, full with depression, anxiety and fear. All that time spent having stupid fake feelings for someone, and in the end I did nothing. All that time I could've planned some of my life a little better. All that time I could've spent learning new things instead of being a lazy ass. All that time I could've worked on some of my issues.
The present never feels like it's worth. I keep looking back to the past and it always feels like it was better no matter any slight improvement that happens.
Now I am desperate, without much skill, in a place with few opportunities. Free Pub Universities suck and I can't afford paying for one unless I get a job...
F*ck it.
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self.offmychest
|
Starting to not care how much pain my parent will feel if I kill my self. Had a really traumatic childhood. Sexually abused by older sister who also happens to be the pride and joy of our family.
Both parents and especially dad were very verbally and physically abusive.
Now I’m older and I’ve learned they didn’t know any better, and I forgive them, but the wounds and pain are still there.
The only thing stopping me from killing my self before was I didn’t want to cause my mom any pain. I used to say once my mom is gone, I will kill myself.
My parents don’t believe me when I told them how my sister used to abuse me. I’m not one to lie or make things up, and who makes up something like that?
Now I’m thinking of jumping off a bridge on the morning of my sister’s b-day.
Maybe then they will understand how painful it is to go through life being the victim of childhood trauma and then on top being rejected by your own immediate family.
My mom had a very rough life. Schizophrenic dad. Epileptic brother. My dad picks on her non stop. She is in her 60’s and takes care of my 90 year old grandmother. My death would destroy her... but I can’t take the pain anymore and she was never there for me before, so why should I hang on for her?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I Can't Change Things No Matter How Hard I Want To I think I'm at the end of the road. I'm going to be 21 in 3 days and I don't think there is anything left for me. I tried hard (or at least I think I did) to change my life but it's still just as shitty as it always has been and as it always will be. The biggest problem in my life is my own brain. Since I turned 18, I've worked numerous jobs, most of which I quit within a month by just not showing up to work. There is 3 jobs that I have held for more than a month and I realized that's because those are the jobs where I developed friendships with my coworkers. I got fired from my favorite job however, for saying I wanted to kill myself to my manager. I dropped out of high school but got my GED. Growing up, my family always told me how smart I was. When I started doing poorly I became "smart, but lazy" but the truth is, I'm just a unmotivated, stupid, worthless sack of shit. I tried going to a local community college but I got incredibly overwhelmed and withdrew from my classes. Now I owe ~$2500; partially to the school, partially to the government. I admitted myself to a mental hospital for 5 days earlier in the year, and now I owe them $1000. I also owe roughly $900 on a credit card, $200 on my phone (which got shut off), and my car is broken. I live with my dad who makes decent money but he is a gambling addict so he's never going to help me financially. I'm also overweight. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself every time I look in a mirror, yet I don't have the self-control to do something about it. I have no hobbies, nothing interests me. Even if I could afford college, I have no fucking clue what I'd study. I'm unemployed right now, but even if I get a job, I know myself too well to expect anything to change. I'll just work that job for a couple months, get bored, quit, have suicidal thoughts, get motivated, look for a new job, rinse and repeat. I'm sick of it all. I don't know what I did to deserve this existence. I genuinely hate myself more than anything in the world. If I wasn't such a coward, I would've blown my brains out a long time ago. Thankfully, I feel my fear of death slowly slipping away. I wish things could be better but I really don't see anyway out. It's like I'm trying to plug holes in a sinking ship, but for each hole I plug, I end up making 10 new ones. I'm done.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Anxiety causing a physical feeling in head Does anybody else sometimes just get a bit anxious, and feel this sensation in your head, almost like pressure welling up, and you have to take a second, and let it "siphon off" almost? It's difficult to explain. It's just like a wave of anxiety and this weird sensation will just hit you. The anxiety usually stays afterwards, for me anyways. But, does this happen to anybody else? It almost feels like your head is about explode of something.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm DONE
I seriously see suicide in my near future. I'm sick of this hick town, sick of being alone. I need to be around supporting, loving people all the time, and I'm not. I've been alone since 2005 basically. FUCK this, fuck anyone who's apathetic, I hate my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Now What?? Looking back, I can see this shift started when my best friend was diagnosed with brain cancer. Palliative. I work at his family physicians office. Managing the practice.
I seemed to hang in there somewhat until about 3 weeks after he passed. I didn't see it coming. I didn't attribute what was happening to what I had experienced with him. And I didn't talk to anyone about what I felt at any point.
Now, I'm home trying to put the peices of my life together. Trying to keep what I still have in one peice simultaneously.
It's not really going well.
My thoughts are too scattered to follow. My feelings are overwhelming and fleeting.
I'm sick of being sick. But it turns out working to avoid it doesn't help anymore than any other thing I've read about or attempted.
Meds lol. Which ones??
I managed to become more successful without them than I have managed to maintain with them.
At what point do life experiences and there impact get added into the equation of medacting someone. That is not a question. Because psychiatry and psychology are two separate parts of a faulty medical system. Until they become one psychiatry is winging it. Treating train wreck trauma and cat scratches with fentanyl all the same.
|
self.bipolar
|
I have no one to comfortably to talk about this. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Queen Latifah twerked on me unwanted these Hollywood stories just bring to mind this event...I was working on the all-black remake of Steel Magnolias as an extra in Atlanta and between scenes Queen Latifah twerked on me in front of everyone and laughed about it. I guess her thought was because I am kinda nerdy looking and have glasses it was funny to do that? I just thought it was gross and unwanted. It was more embarassing than anything...
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self.offmychest
|
i don't know what to do anymore, i'm so afraid Hello,
I don’t know where to begin, but I don’t know what to do about myself anymore. For the past 10(ish?) months, I’ve been having internal issues with myself, and it’s affecting both me and my girlfriend’s relationship. This is going to be a long post, and I apologize in advance. I’m not very good with words or writing, so this might jump all over the place. (FYI, I’m typing this in google docs, and it likes to correct my a’s with à. I probably won’t catch them all.)
To start, I’ll tell you a little bit about myself:
My name is A, and I’m a sophomore in high school. I’m a very self conscious person. If you take a look at me, you’ll notice that I’m overweight. I don’t look very flattering, at least in my opinion. I have substitute teacher arms, a chubby face, wide calves, and a huge stomach.
I look like a monster.
There are two reasons why I look like this, and the primary one is my parents. I hate to say this, but they are lazy when it comes to parenting, particularly my mother. At first, after I was born, they were strict about what I ate. I would only eat healthy baby foods, stuff with fruits, vegetables, and vital nutrients. After awhile, though, they slowly began to be more lenient about what I consumed. They began to buy more junk, processed foods, and cook less at home. Right now, all we generally eat is frozen pizza, macaroni n’ cheese, fast food, spaghetti, soup, and maybe frozen vegetables. We eat out at least once or twice a week, I’d guess. My dad works nights and only has the weekends off, so he doesn’t cook that much. My mom isn’t a very good cook, so she’ll either make us frozen pizza/something with rice/some other junk OR nothing. If she doesn’t make anything, which is often, she’ll take a nap and leave me to cook for myself and my little sister. If I could cook healthy things, I would, but we don’t have very many healthy ingredients to do so in our house. I try to get her to buy more healthy stuff, but she only buys healthier things SOMETIMES.
The second reason is that since my parents grew lazy with parenting, I have little self control when it some to food. Even if I’m out in public, I can barely control myself. I know I shouldn’t be eating so much, but it’s hard to suppress.
I’ve been made fun of for being fat, from both peers and family members. The teasing from my classmates started when I was about 9 or 10, probably. It wasn’t very harmful, to be honest. Some of the boys in my grade would either pretend to ask me out or pretend to be my friend and annoy me. They all thought it was funny for some reason, but I guess it is funny to pretend to ask out a girl who isn’t conventionally attractive and then laugh with your friends about it. It’s hard to explain over text, but I think some people would know what I’m talking about.
As for my family members, my grandmother on my mother’s side loves to talk shit about me and my parents. She’ll talk about how fat we are, how my mom used to be pretty, my mother’s hoarding, and every little thing wrong with us. I know she’s toxic to be around, so I don’t talk to her that much. She gets upset about that though, and complains about how I don’t say much. She basically thrives off of negativity, you’d understand if you met her.
Oh, my mom is also a hoarder. Not like the people on the show Hoarders, but almost. Our garage looks like a junkyard. We have piles of stuff everywhere. She’ll buy things that we don’t need, and has a hard time letting go of things. She doesn’t clean very much, and when we have company coming, she relies on me and my sister to clean up. I mean, she’ll clean, just not very well. My dad has deep cleaned rooms before. He’d go through everything, throw stuff away, and it would be clean. Then, my mom and my sister would just ruin it. He’s done this many times over the years, but it’s a never-ending cycle. He’s basically given up.
This is why I don’t like my home. I signed up for several extracurriculars partially because I just wanted to get out of this shithole of a house. I’m tired of it.
On to the main topic.
Like I said before, I have internal issues that I have a hard time dealing with. Something that triggers me is choking, people yelling at me, and people getting angry at me. When I was younger, I’d hang out with my cousin whenever I visited my family because we have similar interests. I actually like hanging around him, he was fun to hang out with.
However, he had anger issues.
If I said something that made him upset, unintentionally or in a joking matter, he’d get this look on his face where he’d clench his jaw and give one the look of death. He’d either hit me, kick me, or put his hands around my neck and choke me. Hard.
He’s also do it to his sister, and he’d hit his mom. He’s better now, he was sent to therapy, and that’s another story for another time.
Anyway, I have problems now. I know I’ve said this already, but it’s hard to explain. Over the past several months, whatever is wrong with me has been getting worse. I sometimes have sudden mood swings. I get upset very easily, even if it’s over something small. I usually become sad and numb to life. I think I’m worthless. I don’t deserve to be happy because I’m a horrible person. This happens a lot. I’m suicidal, I think about killing myself à lot because of how unhappy I am with myself. In fact, the night before my birthday, my girlfriend made me call this suicide hotline because I kept talking about killing myself. I’m completely miserable. I’m tired of life, I’m tired of bad grades, I’m tired of having a shitty homelife, I’m tired of my parents not caring enough, I’m tired of being sad and numb, I’m tired of annoying my girlfriend because all I talk about is how sad I am, and I’m just tired of everything.
Also, I can get angry. I hate that part of me because I can get violent, but I typically just take it out on myself by cutting up/scratching at my wrists and arms. If I get angry at my sister, I hit her. I mean, she also hits me, so we’re kind of even, but I’m bigger, stronger, and I know I shouldn’t hit her. I’ve actually grown a lot less violent towards her, but if she provokes me enough, I hit her (not very hard, but sometimes hard enough to hurt) Our sibling dynamic is weird, but we get along most of the time. I try to be really nice to her, but sometimes she’ll either provoke me to the point of rage, or she’ll interrupt whatever I’m doing and annoy me. I’m weird about privacy. I absolutely cannot stand it when people barge into my room without knocking, it’s a pet peeve of mine. She tends to barge into my room and I yell at her to get out. Overall, I kinda treat her like crap, but sometimes I can’t help it. I feel terrible about what I’ve done to her. The guilt eats from the inside.
If you’re wondering, no, I don’t hurt my girlfriend, I never ever would. I love her to death, and I can’t bear to think about losing her. She’s my rock, and she’s the only person who I can really vent about my feelings to. I know they say that high school relationships never last, because, well, it’s high school, but I really do love her. I’m really clingy, and I try not to be. I see her at school during the week, hang out after school, and chat with her until I go to sleep, which might be too much, now that I think about it.
Right now, though, it’s winter break for us and it’s miserable for me without seeing her. But, she’s tired of me making her carry all of my issues. I feel so horrible about it, all I talk about is how sad I am. She told me that we could either take a break from dating to take the pressure off of her, or keep dating, get help now, and let her take a break from making me feel better. I chose the latter because I love her and I want this to work, I don’t want to bother her about my problems anymore, she’s been very helpful with making me feel better, but she’s emotionally exhausted because of doing it for so long. I feel so bad about what I’ve done, I’m a wreck. I don’t mean to make her sound like the bad guy or anything, it’s my fault for relying on her too much. I just want to go back to being normal again. Honestly, I’ve been like this since freshman year, but only now has it gotten worse.
I promised her that I would talk to someone, so I decided to vent about it here. Part of me doesn’t want help because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of myself.
Another thing. I know that I should be diagnosed by a doctor, but I think I might have BPD. I took a couple of online tests and they all said that I have a high likelihood of having BPD, but I’m not THAT ignorant. I should be tested before jumping to conclusions.
I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that it will get worse, and I’m scared of ruining my relationship with my girlfriend. Everything had been fine up until all of this has happened. I want to die. Please help me.
TL;DR: I’m fat, I live in a hoarder house, and I’ve been choked by my cousin when I was a kid. Over the past 5-6 months, my suicidal thoughts and self harm habits have gotten worse due to extreme self hatred and horrible insecurities. My girlfriend is tired of me expecting her to make me feel better when I’m sad, which is about 65-70% of my wake time. I have rapid mood swings a lot, and I think I MIGHT have BPD, even though I should be tested to be sure. I just want all of this to be over, and I’m tired of living like this. I’m too terrified to tell my parents. I need help. Please help me, I don’t know what to do.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I keep my last 3 tabs of antipsychotic just in case I was attending therapy from Feb 2017 to my last session on May 2017. I was still in school during the sessions and nothing life changing happened. (The meds did prevent me from another suicide attempt)
I missed one session in June 2017 because we had to travel....I haven't been back since. It's not like I didn't want to go back...we (mum and I) just stopped.
I'm scared to go back because life has been relatively chill these days (I stay at home because I got kicked out of school) and afraid to tell my mom about taking the meds again. I don't feel like I need them anymore, but just in case I end up batshit crazy again, I'm keeping my last 3 tabs of antipsychotics hoping it would help.
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self.depression
|
Fiance and I broke up and I already feel like I am dead [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The worst thing right now is honestly the loneliness I dont know who to really speak to about all of this or even if they understand what I do express half of the time. I have a lot of difficulty really talking to people.
I feel immensely lonely. A month ago my brother got married and I was sat on a table with my family but instead of focusing on the good things I couldnt help but feel I shouldn't be there. My sisters partner was on a different table to accomodate me and I just felt worried the entire night that I was to blame for that. Everybody else there was in a couple or there with friends and I was only there as a family member. I havent been in a relationship for many years and to be honest I dont see myself in one for a long time. I dont want to go into specifics because it brings up a lot of issues and trauma for me from an event so long ago that I cant bare thinking about. Needless to say I was heartbroken and I think thats the first time I actually understood the term. My first serious and genuine relationship whilst at University and it was with a guy. On Christmas night 2012 I got into a physical fight with my Dad because of it. This got repaired over time but those feelings are still there, it still hurt me. I feel somewhat still isolated from my family not out of anger or resent but, genuinely, out of fear of further ostracising myself from them. Of course this resulted in me dropping out of Uni in my second year. In the time since then Ive barely held down the same job for longer than maybe three months and I have become reluctant to go outside.
A lot of things that I used to keep to myself, my thoughts and opinions on other people I interact with, have now got out into the open. I express that I dislike a person who shares some of the few friends I have but they just tell me to ignore it. Or worse that Im wrong in my opinion and I just am too difficult for them. Like my family years ago this feels like a betrayal. Ive now stopped seeing them on the regular entirely and I miss them so much.
In January I am starting a part time small college course just to get me back out and about as my therapist thinks this might help me feel better but I am shitting myself out of fear for it. I already think Im too old to be doing this and that really Im not worth it for people. I find it incredibly difficult to speak to people, especially in places of education as bullying was a serious issue for me as a teenager. Even my teachers did it (though I got one of them sacked for it).
I feel like my chest is hollow. Im not attractive, I dont possess a care-free attitude, I cant switch my mind off and without trying to sound arrogant I consider myself to be pretty educated, aware and intelligent but people around me seem more interested in somebody who can talk to them about whatever they saw on the TV.
Im sorry guys and girls - Like I said I find it difficult to express anything. I dont really know why Im posting here. I just need an outlet and some advice. How best can I make friends. Do any of you have any advice? Please. I cant spend my favourite time of the year on my own again with my cat for company, much as I love him to pieces. If I carry on being alone I dont see the point in going on.
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self.depression
|
Why do i do this Does anyone else feel so much better when their day is busy but spend most of their days doing nothing and just staying home. Even if this means missing uni and jeopardizing your future. I could have a degree and a well paying job now but I feel like I'm my own worst enemy :( but I don't know how to not sleep til noon and have a normal life anymore when this has been my life for 4 years.
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self.depression
|
I have no idea what I want to do with my life and it's driving me insane I'll introduce myself, as this is my first post on this site. I'm a 20 year-old woman living in Canada and I'd like to pursue a university education in the coming years. Luckily, I have a caring family that will support whatever field I choose to enter and I'm truly thankful for that. However, my problem lies in choosing a major.
I'd like to pursue something that I enjoy, but at the same time, I'm aware that certain majors are more lucrative and marketable than others. Since I live in a major city, the expenses are high and I'd like to keep myself afloat without too much strain or stress. I am utterly paranoid that I will not be able to do this. Perhaps it's just confirmation bias, but I've read so many articles that illustrate the difficulties facing university graduates in our current economy, and it all seems so dismal. Certain majors seem almost "useless". A myriad of studies interest me, including: history, philosophy, literature, economics, and international affairs. But I don't know if there are any jobs involving these fields or how accessible they are in Canada. I would be willing to pursue my studies beyond undergrad, should that be necessary. However, that paranoia still lingers over me, like my interests will lead me to ruin and failure in the job market. Hypothetically, I have the academic aptitude to major in more marketable fields with an abundance of employment, but I question whether I'd be happy.
Perhaps I'm just too fixated on a negative, possible future, but am I wrong to wonder how my degree will influence my job prospects post-graduation? I just don't want to regret what I've done with my life as I age.
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self.offmychest
|
I fucking hate relationships I don't know whether I'm the only one or not...I just can't stand relationships. I find them extremely cheesy and goofy. Everytime I had a crush on someone and eventually developed romantic feelings for them, it was only a temporary experience. Other people can build everlasting bonds. I can fall in love, and stop caring about the person once the honeymoon phase is over. It's really bothering me because I don't know whether love really DOESN'T exist and it's just a temporary, fleeting emotion, or I'm just incapable of feeling true love. Either way, I fucking hate the thought of relationships and I'm getting irrationally angry when I hear people talk about their relationship or love, generally. Yeah, it's so nice that your boyfriend got you flowers, only to leave you for another girl in a few months from now. I hate it when they project the idea of "Fairytale love", because it doesn't fucking exist.
 
My only relationship dissolved in front of my eyes. One day I was head over heels in love, a few weeks later I was completely out of love. It left me devastated. It hurt, I couldn't explain how I could feel so indifferent towards the person that used to mean the world to me. I felt guilt, shame and pain. Fuck love. And fuck all those who rub their "blissful relationship" stories in my face. Love is a lie, and I find it increasingly difficult to live in a world that promotes a lie. I am angry when I see people holding hands on the street. I am angry when people question me why I'm single. I just find that my mindset in this case only fuels my depression, because I see people in toxic relationships who would rather get emotionally or even physically abused than break up. It's sick and I'm tired of all this.
Being alone is painful, but living a lie is even more painful. I just hate how this world works. I hate life. I hate myself for being like this. At least, they find a purpose in life: family. I will never have a purpose.
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self.depression
|
i have no one to wish me new year but happy new year redditors.
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self.depression
|
I'm in an unhealthy relationship. I'm a 26-year old female and about two and a half years ago I found out that my boyfriend was not 8 years older than me like he said. We had already been dating for two years when I found out that he was, in fact, **18 years** older than me, had three children, the oldest being a year younger than me, and was in the middle of a really nasty divorce. I found all of this out when his daughters tried to friend me on facebook. When I confronted him about it, he said they were just nosy cousins. I said I was going to accept the request, and then all of that came out. We found out that they found about us because of christmas card I gave him. It had a picture of us and a sweet note. Someone found it in his car. His wife emailed me and called my job. He also told me she threatened to show up at my job. He was also, at one point, preparing me to be subpoenaed.
This is my first and only relationship and I know it's very unhealthy, for more than just the reason above. Only six people (seven, including my therapist) know the truth. I feel like I do not want to be in this relationship anymore; that it is not healthy for either of us...and yet I freeze. I am too scared to move, to do anything. I am unhappy but also scared to move on, because I will be alone. I don't live near family and don't have many friends. I know what I need to do, but I can't bring myself to do it.
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self.offmychest
|
emetophobic and scared, needs comfort yeah so i'll get straight into the subject.
my boss at work had stomach flu a few days ago. i know that this thing is still contagious 2-3 to even two weeks after you've been sick. she came to work on the day she was sick and the day after she got better. there's a lot of this flu going around right now.
but the fact that my boss was sick and came to work and i had to be close to her and talk to her. i'm so anxious and scared that i will get it now. i'm literally waiting the moment when i'm going to puke. i'm washing my hands like crazy. drinking probiotics. i even thought about going to get medicine beforehand to eliminate the risk even more.
i'm so scareeeeeed. my mum said that the more i worry i'm gonna worry myself sick and get it so i should take it easy. but i can't. it's constantly in the back of my mind.
anyone else out there that has severe emetophobia?
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self.Anxiety
|
Christmas is hard A little while ago I posted about how my [mother] (https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/7kqmeb/i_truly_have_no_idea_what_to_do_anymore/?st=JBNA4ZNI&sh=3d77b82a) has been depressed for a while now. I thought maybe Christmas and having all her kids home might life her spirits, but it didn’t. It’s actually harder.
Predictably, she did not want to leave the house today to go to her sister’s house. She refused to attend mass with this morning. I asked her that if she isn’t going to go, would she at least consider sending a text to her sister that just said Merry Christmas. She said no.
My Dad also told us that earlier today when we were asleep, they were talking and she got angry and threw an ornament at his head that hit his glasses, and he said he came within an inch of walking out of the house. She begged him to stay, and he says that he just laid into her about how she treats him because he is fed up with it. The hardest thing to watch right now is the way my mom treats my dad. She constantly belittles him, insults him, and tells him he can’t do anything right, when literally all he does is try to help her. He is the most patient person on the goddamn planet, but I can see even he is getting to the point where he can’t take much more. I have called her out on her behavior towards him before, but she gets angry and tells me it’s none of my business.
I have no idea what to do. She needs help but won’t get it. She won’t talk to anybody. She is ruining her relationship with her husband. And it’s now become where we’re so frustrated that my siblings, Dad and I bicker with each other, which is the last thing we need. When I got to my aunt’s house today, I went into the bathroom and cried for about 15 minutes because I felt so overwhelmed. I feel so lost on what to do anymore.
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self.depression
|
Any college dropouts here? I'd like to hear your stories. Im feeling so lost rn and i really don't think i can graduate. I dont hve the mood to study and do my assignments at All. So im really considering dropping out than burdening my parents. Any successful dropouts that can share their story? Or anyone in the same situation as me? Anything will do Im really suffering and dont know what to do.
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self.depression
|
Am I too "Intense"? I love my dentist. He is really good. Excellent with the needle. And doesn't try to carry on a conversation with me while he is knuckles deep in my mouth.
My Dentist's staff either remarked or complained to my beloved that I am too intense. This was in reference to issues that were identified with my cleaning and exam.
What I do not understand is that he identified two major issues (one is a root canal) that needed to be addressed. Okay no problem. During scheduling I remembered that they offered sedation so I asked if I did the sedation how much could they accomplish at once. This just seemed to be more efficient to take one or two days off using my PTO and get a big chunk of work does including the priority issues. It seemed logical in my mind. So it gets all setup and I start paying the $1000+ that is my share from insurance. After moving some money around my beloved goes to make a payment and the receptionist remarked that I was a really intense person in my problem resolution.
I have been batting this around in my head. In introspect I see where I have thought this way my entire life. I can see where it caused problems for me in my professional life. I am presented with a problem, if a solution seems reasonable it gets implemented. If a there are multiple less priority items that can also be resolved with the proposed solution and the solution can be expanded it gets implemented. If no solution is present I develop my own, which gets implemented.
I do not understand why this is "intense" or why so many people have problems with it. This has pretty much killed my high with a great big sledgehammer. I have multiple job opportunities in front of me and am now second guessing everything. Along with my demon that keeps telling me being dead is easier.
I do not get it. How is this intense? How do I not be intense?
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self.bipolar
|
I feel lonely very often and easily. I’m 15 years old, and I turn 16 in 9 days. I feel lonely all the time and only have a few friends. It gets pretty bad sometimes and I start to think about killing myself. When I feel this way, i usually can’t sleep and am an emotional train wreck. Is this normal or am I crazy or what?
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self.depression
|
Medication got rid of emotional symptoms but physical symptoms started becoming more prominent [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I fucked up I just left a group of friends hanging out because I was depressed. I took an uber back to my college campus. My girlfriend was there and i think she's mad at me. We haven't dated for very long and I don't know if I should tell her about my depression. Should I?
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self.depression
|
I still don't know how much of this is the disorder, or growing up with a toxic fucked up family [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
The only times I've been touched in the last 2 years is when I've had a massage therapy appointment I've heard that humans crave touch but never quite believed it. Since my divorce, no one has touched me that I haven't paid to do so. I've always enjoyed massages and try to get them regularly but lately they just remind me of how long it's been since my body has been touched in any kind of caring way.
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self.offmychest
|
Applying to college I am currently a high school senior applying to college, and I just despise everything about the process. Everything about it sucks, and it has been really bringing me down lately.
I just feel so fucking stressed ALL THE TIME. I know that getting into a specific college doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it day and night. I feel like I won't get in to any of the schools I want to go and its worrying the hell out of me.
It's past the early deadline, and I have submitted apps for my early schools, but I honestly don't feel any better. In fact, I even got in to a safety school with rolling admissions already, but even after that I still don't feel any better. I think its because I was planning on getting in anyway (by virtue of it being a safety).
And don't even get me started on how much WORK it all is. I had to write 20 ESSAYS cumulatively for my five early schools. 20 unique pieces of writing that I had to make sure were absolutely as good as they could be to give me the best shot. Writing and the humanities have never been my strong suit (gonna major in CS) so that has been really draining.
I am applying to very selective schools, so I can't really expect to get in anywhere other than safeties. I'm planning on applying to anywhere between 8 and 12 more schools for regular decision so I can hopefully get in somewhere, but damn if I'm not burning out FAST. I don't know if I can make it all the way through.
Also adding to the stress is the feeling that I have to get accepted somewhere good or I'll be perceived as a failure. I know, I know. It doesn't matter what other people think, do what's best for yourself, yadda yadda yadda. Bullshit. Obviously I should try to go the college that is best for me, but what other people think clearly does matter. People (like employers, but even just random people) will be judging me all the time based on where I end up going. I know that's true, because I am ashamed to admit that I do that. When I hear where someone is going to/will be going to/went to college, I immediately judge them. Also, I want it for myself. I want the pride of being able to say that I went to whatever prestigious school, because it feels damn good to have stuff like that.
Sorry for the long-winded and likely very disjointed post, but I just needed to get all that out there.
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self.offmychest
|
My friend is on medication for depression, she became too impulsive [deleted]
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self.depression
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My dog won't be quiet in the wee hours of the morning. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Birthday tomorrow... positive pep talk? I need a real, long effective talk to help me.. ive been in a rut and really wanna get through my past, bad phases.. how to forgive myself, have self control, stop or at least reduce bad habits and anything else you can offer...
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self.Anxiety
|
While separated/on a break with my[18M] girlfriend[18F], I slept with a younger coworker[16F]. Gf and I made up and are fine, but the coworker is now dating my older friend [24M] My friend, girlfriend, and I all live by eachother with other friends that live right here too. We see eachother almost every other day, so naturally when one of us meets someone then they'll probably bring them around to chill with us. One of our friends is 24 and started dating a 16 year old coworker/employee of mine that I had hooked up with when my girlfriend and I 'broke up' at the time.
I haven't told girlfriend that I slept with her, and I haven't asked coworker how she feels about the situation since then. I'm not worried about my girlfriend finding out, I'm worried about my buddy finding out. He doesn't get girls as often as most of our other friends so I don't want him to feel a certain type of way. I want him to be happy and she makes him happy. But on the safe side I am also pretty worried that he could get in some kind of legal trouble if things go south with the girl or her parents. The age of consent in my state is 16 but I'm almost positive there's an age gap law that doesn't stretch close to 8 years. The girl has issues and it sounds like her parents are no better. I just don't want my friend to get caught in something bad.
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self.offmychest
|
I've been meaning to kill myself, but I cant bring myself to do it, for now Despite my internet friends being there for me, I still feel alone. I have no reason to feel like this though. I have a loving and caring family. Although my real life friendships are nothing but a facade, I still feel distant from everyone.
These last days, my mind hasn't been any good. I'm not able to rationalize properly. I can't do my chores or study correctly
To top it of, I've been seeing a girl who I met online, but she called things off and said that a relationship would be too stressful for her, but she told me she loved me. Personally, I think she's trying not to hurt me, since she knows me. I think she's seeing some guy. On one hand I am happy for her, and on the other, I just want to stop talking to her, but she is one of the most important person in my life.
These last days I've been haunted by scary and really fucked up nightmares. I am afraid of sleeping. They are vivid and I feel everything. It's like torture. I'm agonized and disgusted.
Last night I imagined this girl who I mentioned and another girl who is really close to me(I'd even consider her as a sister) hooking up.
They are both bi and while it doesn't affect me that they are attracted to one another, I still feel sick when I get those visions. It's like seeing your sister with your girlfriend.
Anyway, these past days I've been considering suicide. I've been trying knots around my neck and pull them hard until I almost faint.
I didn't dislike the sensation. I thought it would be worse, so now I don't fear death. I do however, feel sad for leaving everyone because I know the damage I'd cause to so many people. I have a sick grand mother, if I died to suicide, she would not make it.
So I'm trapped. This things that wants me dead is growing stronger. I'm starting to care less about everything, everyone. I'll be release of this pain.
I really wish I could be killed , so that way the age would not be so big
|
self.depression
|
Is there anyone on Reddit that would want to be anxiety buddies? It would help me. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm too scared to go to a therapist because I don't know how to talk about my problems, or what they even are. I've been lonely and tired and stressed and just sad for like 4 years now and it's so horrible. I went to a counselor a few months ago and we talked and it was quite helpful I guess, but at the beginning she was like 'so what's made you come here' and I just couldn't answer because how do I tell her 'I'm just generally sad'. My problems are shit like 'I can't make friends and I really want a friend group', I mean that's not stuff you can say to a counselor because what is she gonna do about it. I can't vocalise my problems any further than 'I'm sad'.
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self.depression
|
95% want to die, 5% want someone to realise I need help. I fantasize sometimes when the thoughts are so strong that I'll do it and someone will find me before I go and finally understand what's wrong with me. I've spent so long putting on an act that everything is okay I honestly don't think any of my family would believe how I've accepted my death for a decade.
I'm quickly moving past the stage of wanting to prolong it, trivial future goals are becoming more and more meaningless and not worth the effort.
I think I'm finally done.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why do I feel sad all of a sudden? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
My depression just hit me hard! My depression hit me again. I feel extremely down and numb. It just came from nowhere. One second I enjoy my time and the other I feel miserable. Having a discussion or something would ease the pain for now.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I'm in my first real relationship and it scares me I’m a 22 year old man who met this wonderful guy about two weeks ago. Our first two dates were absolutely magical, hours of chatting about absolutely everything. We’ve met up 4 or 5 times since then (the last time was yesterday), but ever since I met him, what’s suppose to be amazing and wonderful has turned me into an absolute nervous wreck.
I’ve had plenty of hookups, but this guy has been the first person I ever met that I would actually consider dating. Every waking moment is spent thinking about him, to the point where it is unhealthy. I’ve started to overanalyze everything in the relationship and constantly come up with reasons why he wants to break up with me.
Questions fill my head at every waking moment, why didn’t he text me today? Why did he respond to me like that? Why did he say he was busy that day when I wanted to chill with him?
It seems like me not having a constant line of communication with him means that I immediately think he lost his interest in me. He rarely texts me first, but once I text him, he’ll message back immediately and want to continue the conversation, or asks to hang out. But I hate texting him first, the last thing I want to do is be clingy.
The tipping point was tonight when I opened up Snapchat Maps (it shows where your friends currently using snapchat are around you) and it said he was at the local Starbucks. I immediately burst into tears, my mind jumping to the fact that he must be on a date with someone else.
It’s gotten ridiculous, I know he likes me, he talks to all his friends about me (we’ve got a lot of friends in common), he talked about me going to seattle with him this summer, he lent me his sweater… The list goes on. I can’t get out of this rut of constant worry…. I’m afraid of telling him my feelings cause it will turn him off of me. I don’t know what to do, if my partner was worrying this much about me, I’m not sure I’d want to date them. Should I just end it?
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self.offmychest
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It's not in your best interest to be alive [deleted]
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self.depression
|
My boyfriend has never introduced me to his friends [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Just, fuck you buddy. I am so tired of you treating me like shit, like I am a less than person without feelings or emotions. You're literally the worst person I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. You're the worst kind of douchebag, the kind who actually believes he is a nice guy and doesn't understand why people get upset when you blow them off or avoid them. You dodge any type of actual emotional connection but then blast people for treating you similarly. I know you'll die an old bitter person (you're pretty bitter already at 25), because I honestly believe you're incapable of looking past yourself and seeing anything from anyone else's perspective. I regret every moment of thought you've taken up. In short, you're tacky and I hate you.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone get brilliant flashes of motivation and willpower, for it all to fade? Sometimes I just get so much confidence and hope that things will be better. I start thinking of things to do to improve my self and my situation. I read up about all kinds of different things and research places like cool bars to go and socialize. Only to go to bed and wake up feeling just as bad if not worse, totally demotivated.
I had plans yesterday to make today a special outing. I was going to see a movie by my self and then hit the bar for the first time to grab a drink. I woke up feeling like shit as usually and just slept to 12pm. I got nothing done and just thought about suicide all day, trying not to cry.
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self.depression
|
College was shit I graduated from college in May, and I've been reflecting on it and I realized that it wasn't much better than high school. Everyone always says you'll make your lifetime friends in college, or you'll get a good job with your degree, but none of that fantasy stuff happened.
I was a part of a club and it seemed cool, but after a year in it, I started seeing the dark side of it. Everyone was in their own little clique inside the club, talking trash about other people, only being welcoming on the surface level in order to attract new members. They didn't really care if you were their friend or not, they just wanted new members to get their money for new club equipment. Almost all of the high ranking members of the club were in the same clique, so nepotism was abound; they only took people they liked to the events out of town. I thought I had found my clique, because they were like the only ones in the club that seemed to hate all the stupid drama and we seemed to be really good friends. Since I've graduated we talk occasionally, but they're still in college and they're hanging out together and not inviting me to things, even though I live fairly close to the campus (which was one of the reasons I went in the first place). Then there was another clique I thought I was friends with, but they were even worse. All friends since high school, they were roommates together, they were totally emotionally stunted. They don't even talk to me anymore. Of course beyond the club, people in my classes were basically the same. Self centered, didn't try to make friends, kept to themselves. Even after doing group projects with people I thought were cool, they didn't care about being friends, they only cared about the grade. In my experience, it was pretty much like high school on the social side.
The academic side was equally shitty. I have a degree which so far has been useless, as it hasn't even got me an interview. Everyone is like "Oh of course there are useless degrees, you should have just picked one you knew had good job prospects." And I'm thinking, why the fuck should I? Why should I get that degree if it's something I don't like? I wanted to work on video games, but there's basically two ways to get into the field: the programming side, which I tried, but was too stupid for, and the art side which isn't really in demand at all when compared to the programming side. I probably would have a better chance at winning the lottery than getting into that field. So that dream is dead for now and probably forever. At the moment, I don't want to go to graduate school or get another undergrad degree, but it doesn't matter, because I probably couldn't get into a good school if I wanted, because my GPA was garbage.
The only thing I'm happy and thankful about is that my parents paid for my college tuition, so I don't have loans. I'm working a part time job right now, one that I had during the summer in college, but it's tedious and I hate it. It doesn't pay well and sure I'm making money, but it doesn't matter because I'm still living with my parents in the small town I promised to escape from.
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self.offmychest
|
It's so sad how happy and peaceful you feel when you've decided you're going to kill yourself... Isn't it? But it might be one of the best feelings in the world.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is there any fictional novels about bipolar disorder? Asking for a friend
Edit: Are* there
|
self.bipolar
|
I don't want to do this anymore I don't want to live this way anymore, when I say that I mean i'm mentally and physically exhausted with life and it's repetitive nature. Work a job you don't want to work for 50+ years, hopefully have a 401k or some sort of savings and die? is that really all there is to life? Seems like suck a depressing reality and that's all I think about on a constant basis, This is the root of my depression. I've turned to self-medicating on numerous drugs but there all just temporary fixes, my short vacations away from my depressing reality. I hope it gets better before it gets worse..
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self.depression
|
Does cutting help with the pain?? My depression is at its worst right now. Lost someone who made me feel safe and complete. and i want something that can help me control the pain. Does self harm help? And what should i do for a first timer? Can any help me please? i wouldn't be asking if i wasn't desperate. Hopefully i have the courage to go through it.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else get depressed out of nowhere? I could be having a normal day and out of nowhere, I start to get anxious, then that turns into anger and I suddenly have a hard time breathing, and then finally I become extremely sad and stressed. I feel like crying and what I hate the most is that I don't know WHY? I try to re-think of everything that happened today and nothing. I feel sad with tears about to come out my eyes and have no clue what triggered me. Help. I just feel like my mental health every day deteriorates. I also have hard time concentrating. My mind just won't shut off. I'm lost in daydream.
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self.depression
|
I know Im not Alone on this one -- Its a bad, Bad morning for me Anxiety reals its head for a lot of us right around this time, and for the second year in a row, I feel frozen this morning. Completely frozen, anxious to my core.
It also doesn't help that when I went home for xmas, I forgot my medicine, so I had to make do with what I could get. I was doing well before this and the holidays, and I feel like theyve totally screwed me up. I just want to get back to that good place I was in for a couple months where I was able to get up and go in to work without problems.
But I skipped a lot of parties during this holiday time, I didnt want to see anyone and I didnt want to go out. Like someone mentioned in another thread, I only feel content at times with nothing on my plate and being at home. Now I have that constant knot in my stomach and anxiety that is just there. Always there. Back once again after two months of managing it pretty well.
My friend talked me into throwing a NYE party and it went alright, I guess it was a good way to get me potentially out of my funk, but Im wondering if it only made it much worse.
I fear I may be fired for not showing up now, but the anxiety is winning at the moment. I need my comfy space.
It annoys me though that anxiety and depression are illnesses that keep us from working, but we lose our jobs as opposed if it was something physical, we'd go on leave and people would be understanding. its just so fucked.
thanks to whoever read my venting and ranting.
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self.Anxiety
|
Is depression a valid excuse for rudeness? My bf struggles with depression and anxiety. I do my best to be supportive and understanding. However, when he's in a depressed mood, he rejects all of my effort to talk things out and scolds me to "just leave [him] alone." When he's feeling better, I try to get him to see where I'm coming from in saying that depression is no excuse to treat me poorly and that his words would be much better received if he phrased things as "I'm having a tough day and I could use some alone time." He retorts that when he's depressed, he doesn't have the energy to say anything other than"leave me alone." I love him and I empathize with him, but I won't be disrespected. Am I being too hard on him?
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self.depression
|
I've Had a shit few weeks, I'm in limbo I haven't felt comfortable about anything in the last few weeks, I'm either hyper emotional and confused and miserable or a void of emotion and numb. I freaked out at my work yesterday and had a panic attack, I've emotionally disconnected with everyone at school. I feel pathetic and embarrassed, the people I have told treat me different and its so frustrateing and disheartening idk. This was a rant and I don't know what to do anymore
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self.depression
|
Lamictal or Abilify and high cholesterol? Some background: I’m an 18 year old girl, average height, average weight, I’ve been on Abilify for about 6 months + Lamictal for about 3 months, and my bloodwork shows I have incredibly high cholesterol. The last 2 years’ bloodwork has it going down from 170 to 146, and then all of a sudden, a year after the last test, it’s 232. My diet isn’t great and I don’t exercise, but I have been steady at 155lbs for about 4 years now, which isn’t too too bad. I think if this sharp increase is caused by diet and exercise like my doctor says, it would have been accompanied by major weight gain, while I’ve fluctuated maybe 5 pounds in the past year. Obviously my diet and all isn’t helping, but I highly doubt that’s the main cause.
So, my question: Have any of you had any experience with high cholesterol (or high triglycerides, I have those too) while on either Abilify or Lamictal?
TL:DR: I’m 18 and my (bad) diet and exercise habits have not changed, nor has my weight, but in a year my cholesterol has jumped from 146 to 232. I have been on Abilify for 6 months, and Lamictal for the last 3 of those months. Any idea if they’re related?
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self.bipolar
|
Fuck I don't want to live in this cold unforgiving world we call earth. Where people are manipulated for others entertainment and lives are ruined for revenge. Everyone is in pain. No one was born on purpose. No one belongs anywhere. Everyone is going to die.
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate my life. Im done I dont even know why im posting this, i just wish my life could change, i wish people would hear me when i cry for help. I just want to die
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Need positive thoughts I have a lot of anxiety revolving around feeling like something will happen to my family (mainly wife, stepson and my dog) while I am away from home, today has been particularly trying for whatever reason lots of negative thoughts in my head that I won't see them again
Could use some positive thoughts thrown my way to help out
|
self.Anxiety
|
Looking to help my best friend who just got diagnosed Is there any known products/activities that can be soothing during a depressive state? She mentioned when she's having a panic attack, writing helps her. I'm thinking of getting her notebook, but I'm wondering if there's another popular thing that helps people when they're deep in it. Maybe even a product you use in place of a product that is thought to make things worse? I have made sure she knows I'm there for her and support her, but thought it would be nice to send a small care package. Thanks in advance!
|
self.bipolar
|
Im not sure where to go with this, but for the past few months or maybe longer I have many hours a week where I get really sad, lonely, and introspective, As I said in the title, about 18-24 or so hours a week (not necessarily all at once but across the week) I feel extremely sad and lonely with crazy amounts of introspection, almost painful amounts. I am a freshman in college, and I have genuinely no idea where it stems from because what I think about varies so greatly. I don't know if this is depression and I am not asking for a diagnosis. I just needed somewhere to post and maybe some help sorting through this. I don't know what details and shit to put, so ask questions if ya have any. Thanks y'all.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else..? Anyone else only able to fall asleep by fantasizing that you'll die in your sleep and never wake up again? For 5 years this has been the only help for my insomnia. Fuck, I want to die so bad. What are unhealthy things to do to shorten my overall lifespan? Only things that have no money involved because I have no income at all.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I really like you :( I know that, in the long run, high school crushes don’t matter. Eventually, I’ll find another person to obsess over, but it hurts a little nonetheless. We’ve only been friends for a month or so, and we bond over the smallest things. Every time I catch up with you before 4th period, I’m rehearsing everything I’m going to say in my head which is odd because I never do that with anyone else. Although I hate to admit it, I truly love how mysterious and artsy you are. How does one juggle art, theatre, ballet, and being a straight A honors student at once? I mean, I can barely do all of my homework in one night, much less three time-consuming extracurriculars. I admire that though. You have nothing holding you back from doing what you’re passionate about, and you are VERY passionate. You make me want to improve on my art, and you convinced me into joining theatre next year. The majority of my inspiration and motivation comes from you which sounds so weird. I try to imagine how awesome of a duo we would be; I’m the loud and obnoxious one, and you are the quiet intelligence. Of course, it wouldn’t be exactly like that, but you get what I mean. Anyways, I get my hopes up about the idea of us. I am always trying to act cooler, so you would notice me (I’m judging myself too). It’s pathetic because I look at the two separate lives we live, and it just proves why it wouldn’t work out. You are productive and busy. Your life is organized, planned out, and you have priorities and expectations to meet. I, however, am quite the opposite. My plans are either nonexistent or spontaneous. I don’t do well with routine or organization. You’re reliable and careful. I’m too reckless for anyone to depend on me. It’s easier for you to hide how you feel, while I wear my emotions like a badge. I literally take antidepressants to function. I know you would never want to be with a person like me. It’s cool though..I wouldn’t either.
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self.offmychest
|
I took the first step Today I called my Dr. only to find out he's not my Dr. any more, I told the receptionist "I'm really sad and I don't know where to start". I was told to go to the emergency. I did, and spoke to a counselor. We didn't get much time to talk and she wasn't able to give me much help or any medication. She did set me up with the adult mental health unit, and I'm going on Friday. Wish me luck, it took over a year to seek help.
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self.depression
|
I need someone to talk to, i failed in everu single aspect of my life Edit: every*
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Leaving the country in 2 days and having totally unrelated anxiety. Wtf is wrong with me? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
They took away ,my driving licence So I'll try and keep this short. A couple of months ago I was admitted to the hospital. Legally you have to declare your diagnosis and anything that happens that's related to it to the the DVLA. I did this. Doctors said I was fine to drive, I told the DVLA this and all was well...until 3 days ago.
I got a letter in the post saying I was banned for driving due to my medical condition. Now for a stat I've been driving round for 2 months and they haven't said a thing, I guess it's taken them that long to get their paper work in order?! Anyway it's for a maximum of 3 months; not 3 months from when I was discharged but 3 months since the date of the letter. WTF? I live in the middle of nowhere. No buses, no trains, no public transport at all. I'm having to rely on my mum for lifts everywhere and I feel awful about it.
My psychiatrist's on board with the whole 'this is bullshit' thing so we're appealing but who knows how long that'll take. I feel so trapped and this is all because I was in hospital for 5 days. My hospitalization had nothing to do with driving, my car, anything...I feel so helpless. On the bright side they gave me a free buse pass for all those buses rushing past my house once a week!
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self.bipolar
|
What's wrong with me? Just needed to get off my chest.
Living what most would consider a fantastic life: youth, great grades in college, exercise regularly, lots of job experience that will translate into future employment, nutrition...
But I can't get over my severe anxiety, depression, and inferiority complex. I do everything feeling like it's living hell, feel completely emotionless when I get a good result, and bad results worsen the feelings 100x more.
I want to rip my hair out but I can barely have energy to move my arms.
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self.depression
|
food to help anxiety Hi all!
I posted this elsewhere, but thought it would help some of you! I can give actual recipes if you'd like, just let me know. I cook CONSTANTLY.
Every Sunday I head out to two or three different grocery stores and gather the ingredients for my weekly meal prep. Every Sunday Ron is even kinder to me than usual, because he knows how I feel about meal prep. It's a love/hate relationship. It's great because it means I don't have to cook much during the rest of the week, and it's healthy food that does my body (and my mind) good.
But I also feel like I could happily eat pizza every meal of the day. Every day.
Since the lifetime of pizza isn't an option, I focus on making meals that are filling, balanced and rich in anxiety-reducing nutrients.
I know for some of you it's a feat to make it out the door, much less to the grocery store. If it's primarily social anxiety that affects you, try shopping at a grocery store that's an hour or so away from your home. This trick was a tremendous asset to me while growing past my anxiety. Because, even if you have a panic attack in the store, you don't have to worry about people recognizing you.
So, choose a store that's far away. Get out a piece of paper and a pen and get ready. I've whipped up a list of fifteen, simple meals that all contain one more more nutrients that help reduce your anxiety.
*Note, this is not a vegetarian or vegan friendly meal plan. I will be posting one in the future. You can look up a recipe that suits you, or email me for a specific recipe - I like to cook!
Breakfast:
1. One medium banana and a container of Activia or another gut positive yogurt.
Contains: Magnesium, Probiotics, Vitamin B6,
2. Two pieces of multi grain toast with sliced avocado and a cup of blueberries.
Contains: Complex Carbohydrates, Vitamin B and Antioxidants
3. Scrambled eggs with a slice of multi grain toast and a banana
Contains: Tryptophan, Omega 3 Magnesium and Vitamin B
4. One container of Activia mixed in with a cup of blueberries
Contains: Probiotics and Antioxidants
5. Egg, spinach and cheese frittata
Contains: Tryptophan, Omega 3 and Magnesium
Lunch:
1. Two slices of multigrain toast, two slices of turkey, your favorite cheese and spinach with almonds on the side.
Contains: Complex carbohydrates, Omega 3, Tyrptophan, Magnesium and Vitamin B
2. Spinach salad with pork tenderloin, blueberries and goat cheese
Contains: Tryptophan, Omega 3, Magnesium and Antioxidants
3. Chicken and broccoli
Contains: Tryptophan and Magnesium
4. Grilled turkey and goat cheese sandwich (multi grain bread) and a carrot
Contains: Tryptophan and Complex Carbohydrates
5. Tuna over a spinach salad
Contains: Tryptophan, Omega 3 and Magnesium
Dinner:
1 Pork tenderoin with asparagus and a baked potato
Contains: Tryptophan and Magnesium
2. Chicken Tacos (Chicken, black beans, avocado, shredded spinach, red peppers and cheese)
Contains: Tryptophan and Magnesium
3. Chicken Stir Fry
Contains: Tryptophan and Magnesium (and more depending on what you add!)
4. BBQ Pork with a tomato mozarella salad
Contains: Tryptophan and Magnesium
5. Spanish Tortilla with Red Pepper
Contains: Tryptophan and Magnesium
You don't have to stray from dessert, either! You can have some dark chocolate every day!
The Minerals in Your Meals:
Magnesium: Magnesium is a calming mineral which can actually induce a relaxed state. A deficiency in magnesium can actually exacerbate your anxiety. According to CalmClinic.com "Several studies have also looked how stress levels affect magnesium. They found that during periods of extreme stress, magnesium is often used up by the body.
That means that not only is a significant portion of the country magnesium deficient, potentially leading to anxiety - there may also be a high number of people that use up their magnesium reserves as a result of their anxiety, thus contributing to more anxiety and more stress."
Probiotics: There are several studies that suggest gut health has a direct impact on mental health. Therefore a happy belly can lead to a calmer mind. While many are still on the fence, there is compelling evidence that suggests intestinal bacteria plays a role in reducing conditions like anxiety or depression.
Complex Carbohydrates: According to the Mayo Clinic, "Carbohydrates are thought to increase the amount of serotonin in your brain, which has a calming effect."
Omega 3: There's an awesome article in Psychology Today about how Omega 3 can help you when you have anxiety. Check it out here -- > https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-zone/201201/anxiety-and-omega-3-fatty-acids
Tryptophan: Most of us have experienced sleepiness after eating a big Thanksgiving meal. This isn't just because of the amount of food you've consumed, but the type as well! Tryptophan has a calming affect that's believed to be even stronger than complex carbs, and can reduce irritability in adults!
Antioxidants: Research conducted by Ying Xu, Chuang Wang, Jonathan J Klabnik, and James M O’Donnell determined that "There is growing evidence that the imbalance between oxidative stress and the antioxidant defense system may be associated with the development neuropsychiatric disorders, such as depression and anxiety." Therefore, foods that are strong in antioxidants may help in decreasing many disorders, including anxiety!
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self.Anxiety
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My ex who abused me physically and mentally asked to link up after 2 yrs apart [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Depression is a mindfuck, you think you have it figured out and then you don't I'm done pretending like I know anymore. I'm giving in. I'm taking anti-depressants. I'm done trying to be the warrior
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self.depression
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